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Post Your Lesson 20 Assignment Here
Reply and post your assignment here.
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13 Replies
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Janeen’s Completed Act 3
What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to reread the entire screenplay at some point to sort out where I have repeated myself (or only think I said something to begin with) and where I need to insert at least one subplot I haven’t carried through to date.
I did all of the scenes I had outlined as I worked through the four parts of Act 3 and have already posted them so I have nothing new to add today. This was a catch-up day.
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Bob Colley – Completed Act 3
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is I won’t end up with a script but something closer to a treatment. A short treatment. Oh, bother.
Insert 12 PLACEHOLDER scenes somewhere.
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Dale’s Completed Act 3
What I learned doing this assignment is how the remaining scene, though not a “key scene,” as it were, feeds the key scenes.
There is one remaining scene in Act 3:
This scene happens just before Richard turns up at Elizabeth’s house – for the final turning point scene of Act 3.
OUTLINE:
INT. ELIZABETH DREWER’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Beginning: Elizabeth has invited Marshall over to ostensibly give him a gift for the new baby.
Middle: But, really, she wants to ask him what it was like to be caught up in an illicit affair.
End: Marshall realizes that Elizabeth has gotten involved with someone she shouldn’t, and shows her a degree of empathy.
Draft of remaining scene:
INT. ELIZABETH DREWER’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Elizabeth has poured herself a drink and is pacing. The doorbell rings. She puts down the drink and goes to open the door. Marshall stands there.
MARSHALL
Hello, Elizabeth.
He comes in.
MARSHALL
You could have put it in the mail, you know.
ELIZABETH
Yes, well, I thought that would have been a little… impersonal.
MARSHALL
I’m actually surprised you… well, I mean… thank you.
Elizabeth reaches for a present wrapped in baby wrapping sitting on an end table.
ELIZABETH
I had no idea what size to buy… so I got 12 months, I figured she could grow into it.
MARSHALL
That’ll be perfect.
ELIZABETH
How does it feel?
MARSHALL
Oh. Well, it’s overwhelming. It’s thrilling. It’s falling madly in love seen through the prism of merciless sleep deprivation.
ELIZABETH
Wow.
MARSHALL
Yes. I wouldn’t trade it for anything… I mean…
ELIZABETH
No, Marshall. It’s okay.
MARSHALL
(beat)
Elizabeth, you don’t seem… quite yourself.
ELIZABETH
Well, it’s only that… things are a little… confusing right now.
MARSHALL
What’s going on?
Elizabeth starts to tear up. This is surprising to Marshall.
MARSHALL
What? What is it?
ELIZABETH
Can I ask you… When you first slept with Mara… Did you feel conflicted, guilty, terribly wrong…
MARSHALL
Thank you for reminding me.
ELIZABETH
Did you?
MARSHALL
Okay, yes. I felt all of that and more!
ELIZABETH
Then why…?
MARSHALL
Did I keep seeing her?
ELIZABETH
Yes.
MARSHALL
I can’t believe that you’re really asking me this.
ELIZABETH
Just, tell me!
MARSHALL
Well… Because at the same time as I felt all that, I also felt more alive, more exhilarated than I’d ever felt in my life.
ELIZABETH
Oh.
MARSHALL
I’m sorry.
ELIZABETH
No. I understand.
MARSHALL
(slowly realizing)
You’ve gotten involved with someone!
ELIZABETH
…Yes.
MARSHALL
Someone you shouldn’t be involved with.
ELIZABETH
…Yes. It was only a kiss but–
MARSHALL
Well, for you, that’s–.
ELIZABETH
I hate it!
MARSHALL
I can imagine you do!
ELIZABETH
I’m not letting it go any further. And I’m quite clear it’s the right decision. It’s just… It’s just… I didn’t expect it to be so hard!
MARSHALL
(with empathy)
Head to heart combat always is.
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Pam’s Completed Act 3
What I learned: the crime-solving aspect of my story is something that I’m struggling with the most. Not sure how to tie together some of the loose threads, and piecing together the clues. Putting in placeholders for things that still need to be figured out.
INTERCUT SCENES: INT. HENRI’S APARTMENT/JARED’S APARTMENT
Henri and Jared develop a plan to find evidence against Marc. They need to find a connection between him and MacKay. Also trying to figure out why Bradley went back to house. Henri describes to Jared what MacKay looks like.
CRIME-SOLVING MONTAGE– Jared watches people going in and out of the Beverly Hills salon from his car.
– Jared plants a listening device in Chico’s cage in the salon.
– They look at outtakes/paparazzi photos from the funeral. Jared has connections with a freelance magazine photographer. MacKay was at the funeral.
– Jared visits Tiffany at their house. Makes up an excuse to stop by. (Maybe he has something of Bradley’s that he’s returning?) Looks for clues. Finds the box of headshots.
– They set up a misdirect re: Henri’s hidden location. Purposely leave out clues to send Bad Guys in wrong direction.
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Assignment 20
Aleta Rafton’s Completed Act 3
What I learned is I needed to fill out the story, make it more exciting with action and emotional with more interaction.
Act 3
Outine
Key Scene 1
All exit parked sidecar, Shadow is sniffing, Jack holds tracking device, night
Hank realizes Jack has been seriously undermining and confronts him
Hank realizes Grandpa has not been on his side either
Key Scene 2
Takes tracker from Jack, going it alone, oddly Shadow follows him into the darkness
Jack and Grandpa run after Hank and Shadow
Hank follows tracker guidance among piles of garbage, then piles of Christmas trees
Comes around tree sees escaped lion eating garbage with ornament dangling from his fur
Jack comes around corner, see Hank but not lion which is right behind him
Grandpa comes next sees lion but is closer to Hank
Jack start running to Hank
Lion gets up to follow him
Jack sees lion and screams
Lion gets up and shakes so ornament goes flying out onto ground
Key Scene 3
Hank uses whip to back lion into empty container
Grandpa and Jack close container door tapping lion inside
Jack rushes to hug Hank who was reaching to grab ornament from ground
Grandpa calls police about lion
Key Scene 4
Hank, Jack and Grandpa confront each other verbally
Jack hugs Hank and Shadow joins in knocking them all to the ground
Owl flies down from tree and swoops up ornament
Hank chases owl, makes valiant attempt to save ornament but just as Hank reaches for it, owl flies off
Hank, Jack and Grandpa watch in silence as the owl flies off
Hank admits there’s a distance range for the tracker. They may lose owl for good.
Scene 5
Newsroom where Julie works showing story that city is safe because lion was found trapped in dump in a container.
She packs up her things and leaves to go home
Act 3
Key Scene 1
Hank
You two have done everything you can to undermine me and make me look stupid especially to Julie. I am so sick of this! Give me that!
(Hank grabs tracker from Jack and storms off alone into the dump to find the tree with the tree. Shadow follows him leaving Jack and Grandpa standing there)
Hank
Come on Shadow. This way.
(Hank jumps at every sound. Shadow looks at him sensing his fear)
Hank
Quiet Shadow!
(Suddenly an owl flies out of nowhere, swoops down and grazes Hank’s hair. He screams!)
Hank
Aiy! Ahh!!!! Even the owls!
Key Scene 2
(Shadow is smelling everything and sees owl eating garbage. Shadow runs over to grab the food but the owl flies up away. They search first through garbage and then piles of trees. Hank comes around a corner and sees the scaped lion eating garbage on the ground with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank freezes in fear)
Hank
Quiet shadow! Halt!
(Shadow stops, growling at the lion. Shadow sees the owl in the tree nearby and growls at it too. Hank looks around trying to decide what to do. Lion sees Hank and starts growling at him. Lion gets up, does full body shake causing ornament to fly off, landing behind him. Shadow moves toward the lion)
Hank
Shadow stop! Stop!
(Hank sees door is open on empty container and decides to use his whip to back into the container. Jack and Grandpa run to Hank’s voice yelling at Shadow. Jack doesn’t see lion behind him but sees Hank and runs toward him)
Hank
Jack! Stop running!
(Jack turns to see lion coming for him)
Jack
Screams!
(Grandpa emerges from garbage to see chaos Hank using whip to control lion)
Hank
Jack!
(Hank uses his whip to coerce lion but it’s a struggle and the lion jumps on top of the container rather than in it)
Hank
Come on little lion! Come on!
(Hank taunts the lion while Jack and Grandpa are afraid for him)
Jack
Hank! Watch out! Be careful!
Hank
Like you care!
Grandpa
We do care! Please be careful!
Key Scene 3
(Hank coaxes lion into empty container. Grandpa and Jack slam the container door shut and flip the lock)
Jack
That was awesome Hank! You were amazing! Thank you so much!!!!
Grandpa
Yeah, that was impressive.
(Hank is surprised by their sudden admiration and not sure what to make of it)
Hank
Yeah. Really? Seriously?
(Grandpa on phone with police)
Yes ,the lion is at the City Dump locked in a container in the back of the dump near where all the trees are. Yes. Ok. You are welcome.
(Grandpa Hangs up phone)
Grandpa
Hank, really, we didn’t mean any harm. We’ve just been kidding around with you.
Key Scene 4
Hank
Not sure what to say. Not sure what to believe. You two have been pretty clear how you feel about me.
Jack
Really Han. We didn’t mean all of it.
Hank
But you meant some of it, right?
Jack
Well…..
(Jack runs and hugs Hank and Shadow joins in knocking them both over just as Hank is reaching down to pick up the ornament. Hank on the ground now with Shadow licking his face. The owl who’d been watching it all, swoops down to grab the ornament and flies off with the ornament hanging from its beak)
Jack
Oh no! No, no, no!
(Hank gets up and runs for the owl climbing over trees and garbage to catch it)
Hank
Stop, you crazy bird!
(Hank bravely makes a flying leap off a tree branch and reaches out as far as he can and just barely misses grabbing the hanging ornament. The owl flies out of sight with the ornament hanging from its beak)
Hank
Oh my God!!! This can’t be happening!
Grandpa
Now what do we do???
(Hank, Jack and Grandpa watch in silence as the owl flies off. Shadow is sniffing around. Hank jumps of the tree and starts running)
Jack
Where are you going?
Hank
The tracker has limited distance range. If we lose it now, we lose it forever!
(Hank turns on the tracker and keeps running back to the sidecar through the garbage. Shadow follows. Jack and Grandpa follow too. The tracker signal stops.)
Scene 5
Newsroom Interior. Story on screen of police at dump with lion in cage
Tech worker
Wonder how the lion ended up in that container?
Julie
Yeah. Pretty odd. But at least the drama is over and I can go home!
(Julie packs up and leaves office)
Julie
See you after New Years!
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What I learned from doing this assignment is
Mark’s Completed ACT 3
OUTLINE
(DRAKE SPREADS RUMORS ABOUT JENSEN TO UNDERMINE HE IS FAVORING VICTORIA, GIVING HER MORE FOOD)
BEGINNING
EXT. ICE CAMP – DAY
Drake passes by some of the crew who are trying to repair the radio antenna. The men grumble about being hungry, question how long the food will last. What kind of rations they are getting
MIDDLE
Drake berates them, tells them to know their place. Don’t complain. Its not their place to question the plans in place.
END
Drake puts suspicion on the captain, that he is favoring that pretty woman, giving her extra food. The men harbor resentment.
EXT.ICE FIELD CAMP
Drake passes by some of the crew who are trying to repair the radio antenna.
CREWMAN
We’ll never get this up to stay. I’m starving to death.
CREWMAN 2
Hold it in place, blast ya. You think you’re the only one – Drake, how long you think the stores will last?
DRAKE
None o yer damn business. It not yer place to complain.
CREWMAN
We’re gettin shit rations. We can’t work in this cold without enough food.
DRAKE
And no man questions the plan. It comes from me. And before me from the captain. You’ll really be starvin’ if we run out…and then it’ll be the captain’s fault won’t it?
The two men stop and look at Drake, puzzled.
DRAKE (CONT’D)
Specially if he’s favoring someone over us, like that young piece of fluff – givin her more food.
The doubt is sown in their minds.
SCENE – DRAKE STEALS FOOD
BEGINNING
INT. SHACK – NIGHT
Drake pulls out tins of food and a blanket from under his bedroll, stashes them in a tote bag.
MIDDLE
EXT. ICE FIELD -NIGHT
He sneaks out of camp and across the ice field to the jumbled area of ice ridges and tangles masses of ice.
END
EXT. ICE CAVE ENTRANCE – DAY
He climbs over some ice boulders and enters a small ice cave. He empties his tote bag contents and places them with a stash of other things he has already collected.
PLACEHOLDER SCENE: VIC TELLS JENSEN ABOUT HER FLYER -PLANES, A RUNWAY.
BEGINNING
EXT. JENSEN’S TENT – DAY
Jensen is taking a sighting with his sextant when Victoria approaches and tells him
the women are suffering because more of the food is going to the men. He realizes
that they will run out of food unless thy can get some meat.
MIDDLE
Now that the radio is down, hope for rescue looks dim. If only someone from the outside world could reach them. Jensen jokes that The Earhart woman might launch a special flight to gain notoriety.
END
Victoria has more confidence in her own flyer, Tony. She feels sure that he would do anything to get her out of there. He could swoop down out of the clouds and rescue her – if he could land.
ALTERNATE VERSION
BEGINNING
EXT. ICE FIELD -DAY
One of the men is wandering aimlessly on the ice, out of his mind. Victoria is nearby, scanning the sky. She goes to him to offer help. He attacks her in delirium. She screams.
MIDDLE
Jensen is outside his tent and runs to her aid. The man insists that his family is out there and he must go to them. They are cold. Jensen wrestles the man to exhaustion.
END
Maybe the merciful thing is to let him go. Everyone’s spirit is getting weaker. Victoria insists a plane will find them. She knows there’s one plane searching.
Jensen believes in her and kisses her. She breaks down in his arms.
EXT. ICE FIELD -DAY
One of the men is wandering aimlessly on the ice, out of his mind. He shouts at the wilderness, seeing visions of his family.
Victoria is nearby, scanning the sky. She goes to him to offer help.
He attacks her in delirium. She screams.
EXT. JENSEN’S TENT -DAY
Jensen is outside his tent and runs to her aid.
EXT. ICE FIELD -DAY
The man insists that his family is out there and he must go to them. They are cold. Jensen wrestles the man to exhaustion.
VICTORIA
Oh, the poor soul.
JENSEN
Maybe the merciful thing is to let him go.
Victoria and Jensen lie side by side on the ice, holding the man as he lies there whimpering.
VICTORIA
No one else came to help.
JENSEN
Their spirit is weakening.
VICTORIA
A plane will find us. I know there’s one plane searching.
He looks at her, desperately wanting to believe – and kisses her. She breaks down in his arms.
EXT. TONY’S PLANE – DAY
Tony flies over frozen wasteland in freezing weather. He taps his fuel gauge. Its frozen up.
BEGINNING
EXT. NAVY STATION, NOME – DAY
He lands and the ground crew check the plane. They tell him the fuel tank is empty. He just shrugs and goes in the ops center.
MIDDLE
INT. FLIGHT OPS NOME – DAY
He learns the Dreadnaught is in ice 15 feet thick and making little headway. Meanwhile calculations indicate the stranded party is drifting north at 4 miles per day.
END
He chugs coffee, goes outside, bundles up in heavy clothes, gets in his refueled plane, watched by two young navy pilots
EXT. TONY’S PLANE- SERIES OF SHOTS – DAY
Tony makes multiple flights, going through fog, wind and icy conditions. Each time he lands, the two navy pilots watch. They are restricted from flying.
INT. FLIGHT OPS, NOME -DAY
A press reporter arrives and publishes Tony’s story. The story goes out over the wire service.
Finally the navy pilots take to the air to join the search. One damages his plane on landing. they are not as experienced as Tony.
INT. FLIGHT OFFICE – DAY
Nick, reads the headline about “one man doing what the US govt can’t.”
INT. NAVY HQ, ANCHORAGE -DAY
The commander is on the phone to Washington DC where top brass are angered over the newspaper story. Tony is making the govt look bad, and their two planes are being risked with further loss of life. All air rescue attempts are grounded.
EXT. RUNWAY – DUSK
The runway is built, then cracks develop as the ice shifts each day.
EXT. RUNWAY – DAY
Jensen becomes obsessed with the task, forcing everyone to work on the runway. he works hard himself, until he falls into an icy pool of water and gets pneumonia. His body and spirit are broken, and fear and uncertainty overruns the camp. Work on the runway stops.
INT. JENSEN’S TENT -DAY
Victoria and another woman nurse Jensen back to health. jensen has never had to depend on a woman before. He regains his spirit and health.
EXT ICE CAMP – NIGHT
The lookout sees a huge monstrous shape moving over the ice. The camp is thrown into absolute terror. (polar bear attack)
EXT. RUNWAY – DAWN
TE 7: With jensen back in the lead, he inspires them to carry on with the runway. They dig with frozen hands. Drake avoids working on the runway and spends time in his hiding place, brooding.
OUTLINE
BEGINNING
INT. NOME AIR STATION -DAY
The station commander has a junior officer and the two pilots in front of him. The brass has taken a dim view of rescue operations in bad weather that risks lives and resources. He is accountable and is playing it safe. All planes are grounded.
MIDDLE
INT NOME AIR HANGAR -DAY
Tony offers to lead the pilots on a flight, but they let him know that not only are they grounded, but he is also. He pleads with them to help, then he screams at them. They won’t even lend him a shovel to dig out his plane.
END
EXT. NOME FLIGHT LINE – DAY
Tony goes out into the cold and digs at his plane with his hands. His hands go numb. Exhausted, he falls to the snow.
INT. NOME AIR STATION -DAY
The station commander has a junior officer and the two pilots in front of him.
NOME COMMANDER
Washington brass take a dim view of your wrecking the _____ plane, Stephens.
The pilot he addresses looks sheepish.
NOME COMMANDER (CONT’D)
They are watching us closely. Hell, the whole damn world is watching. And I’m accountable. You’re grounded – til the weather clears.
1ST PILOT
Sir, what about -?
NOME COMMANDER
– our guest pilot? He’s given us a black eye in Washington. He’s gonna get himself killed if he keeps it up. I’m not gonna let that happen.
INT. NOME AIR STATION HANGAR
1st Pilot and ground crewman are working on the landing gear.
Tony enters and the wind slams the door behind him. He pauses,
No reaction from the navy men. They keep on working, ignoring him.
TONY
So you got a bad taste in your mouth. A crackup you walk away from is a good one. You’ll learn faster that way.
1ST PILOT
Thanks, I’ve had enough of your methods.
TONY
Hey, its not my fault.
The navy pilot comes up to him.
1ST PILOT
What you are doing is irresponsible and dangerous – not to mention just plain stupid.
TONY
You don’t get it, do you. Over a hundred people are going to die – they are going to die -if we sit here and wait it out.
1ST PILOT
Who in hell made you god?
The pilot goes back to the landing gear,
1ST PILOT (CONT’D)
We’re off the op. We’re grounded.
Tony can’t believe it. He fumes.
TONY
I’m not. All I need is a short tow out of the drift. Then I’m on my own. How about it sergeant?
GROUND CREWMAN
I’m sorry, sir. It can’t be done.
TONY
Please…please give me a break.
1ST PILOT
(shouts)
Don’t push it!
TONY
(screams)
You should be doing what I’m doing. Why am I begging from you useless bums? At least give me a goddamn shovel. Can you manage that?
EXT. NOME FLIGHT LINE – DAY
Tony walks empty-handed to his plane covered in snow. He kneels down and digs frantically at the snow with his hands. The wind and cold soon sap his strength and his hands go numb.
He falls exhausted to the snow.
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Lesson 20: Finish Act 3
What I learned from this assignment is keep your outline in front of the writer at all times.
This scene must come after lesson 18. It occurs before the wedding scene.
scene INT BRADFORD INN ADMINISTRATIVE CONFERENCE ROOM DAY
Annabelle calls for an administrative meeting for Chief of Security information
ANNABELLE
Before Chief Jack makes his presentation, I want to announce I have
scheduled a small wedding in the chapel today at 11:00AM. It is not on
the calendar. The family will gather in the side room for a meal catered
by the restaurant afterwards.
SAM
Will I need to provide champagne?
ANNABELLE
I forgot to ask. Only nine are attending, including photographer.
Deliver enough flutes and two bottles of champagne at 11:20. We’ll
donate from the hotel.
SAM
Got it covered.
ANNABELLE
Chief, what news do you have for us?
CHIEF JACKSON
One of the bellhops here has uncovered a situation
that gravely concerns me. It may be a hoax, but we
are not taking any chances. A guest may be planning
a murder.
SAM
Do we know any names or places?
CHIEF JACKSON
No, all we know is that the alleged victim is a male.
SAM
Can you tell us how you discovered it?
CHIEF JACKSON
The bellhop was investigating a lady named Sarah. He thinks
she is an unregistered guest. He’s been trying to find her.
He overheard a conversation about the possible murder
in the process.
LIZ
Are our guests in danger?
CHIEF JACKSON
The good news is today is ski day. Most of our
guests are out of the inn at the ski lodge.
LIZ
Thank goodness for that.
CHIEF JACKSON
I have hired additional officers to go undercover. They arewearing green jackets. The city police is also here.
LIZ
What if a guest asks about the men in green jackets?
CHIEF JACKSON
Say, “Since most of our guests are at the ski lodge on
Monday, the chief of security uses this day as a security
exercise.”
ANNABELLE
Will the wedding family be in danger? I could cancel it.
CHIEF JACKSON
No, that area will have high security. I hate to ruin
their special day. If anyone hears the name “Sarah”, please
inform security or men in green jackets. Sarah may be
the perpetrator.
CHIEF JACKSON
Sam, since the lounge is closed until four, we may useit as holding area for guests who need a place to go.
We know the plan is to act today before lunch. Do not
tell a guest anything.
ANNABELLE
Let’s get in the hallways and keep our eyes open.
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(Ricardo Williams) Completed Act 3
What I learned doing this assignment is how to identify my Act 3 from start to finish.
Outline any scenes left for Act 3.
2. Write the outlined scenes.
INT. BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO BOARD ROOM – DAY – 1983
JOLYN addressing board members.
JOLYN
I am proud to announce that we have been awarded five concession stands at O’Hare Airport. We had asked for one, but they were generous enough to grant us five. It will cost us $1 million to construct, but I believe we stand to recuperate that cost because of the volume of traffic.
CHARLOTTE
I think you are trying to do too much at a time. We should focus on distribution. Retail is going to drain our resources. If we are not careful it will all come crashing down.
JOLYN
We’ve been waiting 15 years for distribution and nothing has happened. We can’t put all our eggs in one basket. We must look at alternatives.
SAUL ABRAHAMSON
Congratulations. It probably would be a good idea to strike the hammer while the iron is hot and build a franchise model to go with the concession stands.
JOLYN
I admit my heart is fluttering nervously. I am excited, but fear is flowing in my adrenaline here. But I am an entrepreneur and taking chances is what we do.
EXT. AMERICAN NATIONAL BANK LOBBY – MORNING
JOLYN pacing the lobby of the bank waiting for a loan specialist. Stipulations enforced by the CHICAGO AVIATION AGENCY has delayed the opening of the airport concession stands by 6 months. She needs a loan to offset the expenses caused by the delay. A white loan officer MR. BLAND in his twenties, approaches her to discuss her loans.
MR. BLAND
MRS. ROBICHAUX, we are very concerned with your financial statements for the last two quarters. Seems like you’ve been losing money.
JOLYN
I apologize MR. BLAND, but we were experiencing some difficulties with our airport stores that were closed due to new airport regulations. They have since resolved the issues, so things are going to improve.
MR. BLAND
So you are the CEO of the company?
JOLYN
Yes, I am.
MR. BLAND
Why, at your age would you want to run a company? My mom is your age and she stays at home taking care of her grandchildren.
JOLYN
I’m sorry MR. BLAND, but I am not your average grandma.
MR. BLAND
Tell you what MRS. ROBICHAUX, I am seeing some troubling signs in your financial statements. You’ve been bleeding cash. We also have a letter on file that alerts us about your state of mind.
JOLYN
What letter are you talking about? I’ve been a loyal customer with your bank for 15 years.
MR. BLAND
The letter we have is on your letterhead and it is signed.
JOLYN
I need a copy of that letter.
MR. BLAND hands JOLYN a copy of the letter. She stares on the signature, her eyes bulging with disbelief, the words TROY THOMAS is written in the signature box. A cold feeling of fear runs through her veins. She feels like her world has crumbled.
MR. BLAND
MRS. ROBICHAUX, I am afraid we’ll have to ask you to pay off your loans. I am giving you 6 months to do so.
JOLYN
It is impossible to pay up in 6 months with my airport stores struggling. I guess I won’t be doing business with your bank anymore. I am going to move my accounts.
EXT. LOBBY OF EXCHANGE BANK – DAY
JOLYN walks aimlessly through the lobby of EXCHANGE BANK, she is worried and conflicted when a gentleman approaches her.
MR. CARTER
Hello there. I know you. What are you doing here?
JOLYN
MR. CARTER from AMERICAN NATIONAL BANK? (JOLYN looks puzzled).
MR. CARTER
I am now the Vice President of Exchange Bank.
JOLYN
MR. CARTER in all my years of dealing with American National Bank, I have never had a problem, but today a loan officer turned down my request and called my loans. He gave me 6 months to pay them off.
MR. CARTER
What happened?
JOLYN
Our business is booming and we expanded to O’Hare Airport. We invested $1 million to build 5 concession stands and when we were about to open, the Aviation Department stalled us for 6 months. We are open now, but the delays put us in a hole when it comes to cash.
MR. CARTER
Come with me, let me look into it.
JOLYN follows MR. CARTER to his office. He closes the door behind her and offers her a seat.
INT. CARTER’S OFFICE – DAY
MR. CARTER shuffles through some files. He stops at a letter from BALDWIN ICE CREAM COMPANY.
MR. CARTER
I see the problem.
JOLYN
What problem?
MR. CARTER
MRS. ROBICHAUX, do you have a manager named PAUL THOMAS?
JOLYN
Don’t tell me you have a letter signed by him. Do you?
MR. CARTER
Yes. We have a letter on file signed by him stating that you are mentally incompetent and is forbidden from doing any business transactions under Baldwin Ice Cream Company.
JOLYN
I’ll be darned. I knew something wasn’t right? I was being turned down in all my business transactions.
MR. CARTER
He must have sent out letters to everyone you’ve done business with.
JOLYN
He is no longer with the company, but he had an insider feeding him the information. What am I supposed to do?
MR. CARTER
Those fools don’t know you as I know you. I have seen you get out of some tough scrapes and you will get out of this one. I can help you. Let me transfer your accounts to Exchange Bank. We will assume the balance of your loans and give you an additional $75,000 to help ease your burden.
JOLYN
You are such a life saver. Thank you. (She is hugging him frantically).
INT. ZENOBIA’S HOME – NIGHT
JOLYN pays ZENOBIA an unexpected visit. ZENOBIA half opens the door and tries to close it on JOLYN. JOLYN pushes the door open.
ZENOBIA
What are you doing? I wasn’t expecting you.
JOLYN
I wasn’t planning on visiting you.
ZENOBIA
Then why are you here?
JOLYN
Mother, I’ve just found out that PAUL has written letters informing the banks and all my business associates that I am incompetent and not fit for business. Do you know anything about this?
ZENOBIA
How will I know?
JOLYN
We are supposed to be a close knit family. I thought he may have said something.
ZENOBIA
I knows nothing about that. But what I know is that you should have let him manage the company. You have caused him a lot of damage.
JOLYN
MOTHER, the company has grown since I took over. We probably would be doing even better if Troy hadn’t sabotaged us. He is going to have to pay for what he’s done.
JOLYN hears some movement in the house.
JOLYN (CONT’D)
Do you have company? I thought I heard movements.
ZENOBIA
No. (ZENOBIA looks nervous and suspicious).
JOLYN gets up and follows the direction where the sound came from. She pushes the door open to the bathroom. She sees TROY THOMAS crunched on the toilet. She walks in on him and grab him by his ears and yanks out of the seat.
JOLYN
You have some explaining to do.
TROY THOMAS
Ouch, you are hurting me.
JOLYN
Tell me the truth. Are you trying to sabotage my company?
She pulls him out by the ear in front of ZENOBIA.
ZENOBIA
Let him go.
JOLYN
So that’s it? (Shouting).
I am spending money to allow you to live a comfortable life, and here you are housing the very person who is trying to take down me and my company.
ZENOBIA
He had no way else to go.
JOLYN
I don’t know how I will ever be able to trust you.
TROY THOMAS
It is not her fault. She knows nothing about it. I did it, and I am sorry. I just didn’t think you were capable of running the company. I was wrong.
JOLYN
I thought family was the most important thing to you? I guess I don’t qualify as family?
TROY THOMAS
I said, I am sorry. You are an important part of our family.
INT. BALDWIN ICE CREAM HEADQUARTERS – DAY
JOLYN holds a board meeting to give updates on the company’s direction.
JOLYN
We made history by becoming the first Black-owned company to have concession stands at the airport, but it has cost us dearly. We overcame a brief moment of sabotage that caused The Aviation Department to delay our openings. It means we were paying mortgages on businesses we couldn’t open, and we were paying managers, who were not able to work. Luckily, the city council has allowed us to open, but financially, we were in a big hole. We have secured new loans with Exchange Bank to get us back on track.
CHARLOTTE
Do you ever listen, JOLYN? What happened to our mission statement that says We are a Wholesale Company? Everything is all about JOLYN. JOLYN decides she wants 5 concession stands. Where does she get the money from? The Bank. Can’t you see the Bank owns this company? I thought we were supposed to be focusing on Wholesale Distribution. All you are doing is throwing money at Retail. We are making money in wholesale and throwing it all away in retail. What happened to the DYNAMIC DUO? I thought we were a team? I am sorry, but I can’t go along with this madness. I am leaving.
JOLYN
CHARLOTTE, we’ve been trying for over ten years to break into the Whole Sale market and nothing has happened. We can’t keep all our eggs in one basket.
CHARLOTTE
Every Retail move has lost money so far, and you’ve committed to five retail outlets? It makes no sense. I am out of here.
JOLYN
THEN GET OUT. GET OUT. (Jolyn is pretty loud). Get out. (Her words are softer and slower. Her voice is shaking with hurt). GET OUT. GET TO FUCK OUT. (She is loud again as she watches Charlotte leave.
EXT. CHICAGO – DAY
November 2nd, 1984, JOLYN and SHEILA are at the wedding of LINDA JOHNSON and S. ANDRE RICE. Somewhere in the crowd there is a loud talking woman, and the attendees are screaming at the sound of her voice.
SHEILA
Who is that woman talking so loud, Mom?
JOLYN
That is OPRAH WINFREY. She is one of the most popular persons in Chicago. She is very enthusiastically watched by Blacks and Whites on a Chicago daily talk show.
SHEILA
I’ve never heard of her.
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO – DAY
Jolyn opens a letter it is an invite from OPRAH to be a member of the panel on her show, “New Millionaires.” The letter points out Baldwin Ice Cream Company’s major success in achieving concession stands at the Chicago O’Hare Airport. She shows it to Saul Abrahamson.
SAUL ABRAHAMSON
This is the perfect marketing boost we need.
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO
JOLYN watches the long line of patrons the result of her appearance on Oprah’s show “New Millionaires.” Business is booming. SAUL ABRAHAMSON hands her the CHICAGO TRIBUNE newspaper. He points to a story on the front page about crime in CHICAGO listing the THIRD WARD as the most dangerous.
JOLYN
Oh no. This is not good. We are in the THIRD WARD. This can’t be good for business. This is going to hurt us. People come from all over Chicago to the THIRD WARD.
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO – DAY – 1985
It’s a slumber time at the BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO. Retail sales have plummeted due to the Chicago Tribune newspaper article about crime in the Third Ward. JOLYN is looking at the pile of mail on her desk. She notices a letter from the UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE. She nervously opens the letter. That cold feeling of ear builds again. The words of the letter send shock waves through her. She yells out for SAUL ABRAHAMSON.
SAUL ABRAHAMSON
What is it MRS. ROBICHAUX?
JOLYN
The UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT has awarded us the MALCOLM BALDRIDGE MINORITY ENTREPRENEUR OF THE YEAR AWARD for 1985.
Screams are heard throughout the office as JOLYN spreads the news. Scenes of high fives and lots of celebration.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
JOLYN is on the cover of N’digo magazine. She shows the magazine to ZENOBIA and hands her a Forbes magazine pointing to an article about her.
ZENOBIA
Wow. Is that you? I was so wrong about you. My son would have been so proud of you. (She hugs Jolyn).
INT. HOME – DAY
JOLYN hands MRS. HOWARD a cup of tea. They sit on the sofa.
MRS. HOWARD
Look at you on the cover of magazines. Your dad would have been so proud of you.
JOLYN
Oh MOTHER, I can see his face lighting up and he lifting me up and swinging me all around the room. I miss him so much.
MRS. HOWARD
I miss him too. Now what are you going to do about CHARLOTTE? I can’t have a rift between you too. It is not acceptable.
JOLYN
I’ve reached out to her, but to no avail.
MRS. HOWARD
I will talk to her again, but you should keep reaching out to her.
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO – DAY
SAUL ABRAHAMSON greets JOLYN. His excitement is beaming from his face.
SAUL ABRAHAMSON
Look at you. You are in Forbes. You are gracing the covers of prominent magazines. You are on TV and in newspapers. You are a star.
JOLYN
Well thank you, MR. ABRAHAMSON. I think this is the perfect time for us to take our sales to the national level.
SAUL ABRAHAMSON
Now wait MRS. ROBICHAUX, I think you should focus on here in Chicago. Let’s say, you open a model store with the idea of creating a franchise. That will build some momentum.
JOLYN
I am tired of retail and I’m burnt out with being stuck here in Chicago. I want us to branch out on a national scale. I want to bring our focus back to wholesale.
SAUL ABRAHAMSON
I think you should wait.
JOLYN
Wait for what? What are we waiting for? (Her voice is elevated).
SAUL ABRAHAMSON
I am not liking your tone.
JOLYN
Can you help me SAUL. Can you at least help me over this hurdle. Put in a good word for me?
SAUL ABRAHAMSON
I wish I could, but it is not in my assignment to make such decisions for your business.
JOLYN
You don’t get it, don’t you? You don’t see the vision. You don’t see things beyond the Black Belt that has caged us and clipped our wings like pigeons. You don’t see our obsession with retail that has been eating through our resources like a cancer. You don’t get it. (Jolyn is shaking her head in frustration).
INT. CHICAGO DINER – DAY
JOLYN meets with RITA ROGERS at a local diner.
RITA ROGERS
I’m so proud of you, winning the presidential award. That should give you the boost you need to go national.
JOLYN
I know. I was so eager to go national, but SAUL ABRAHAMSON thinks we should wait.
RITA ROGERS
Wait for what?
JOLYN
He wants us to finish the franchise model before we make that move.
RITA ROGERS
You’ve got to strike the hammer while the iron is hot.
JOLYN
You’re right, and this iron is extremely hot now.
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO – MORNING
JOLYN meets with SAUL ABRAHAMSON.
JOLYN
I’ve decided to go National. I think it’s the only way forward. We have to move beyond the confines of the Black community otherwise we won’t survive. I am going all in with radio and television ads throughout the country and I conducting interviews to reach a wide audience.
SAUL ABRAHAMSON
When I came to you, business was crawling. I’ve seen you walk, and I know you are capable of running. I know it’s hard, but you can do it. If you want to build a model company in the Chicago community I can help you, but beyond that, I can’t.
JOLYN
I appreciate your years of service, but I have to let you go.
SAUL ABRAHAMSON
You are firing me?
JOLYN
To put it nicely. Yes.
INT. HOME – DAY
JOSEPH JR visits JOLYN from his college break. She reaches out and hugs him.
JOLYN
Well, if it isn’t my handsome son. What a surprise!
JOSEPH JR
Hi MOM. I was thinking. I want to come and work with you and help you manage the business.
JOLYN
Why will you want to do that? I thought you wanted to be an engineer?
JOSEPH JR
No MOM. I just want to help you.
JOLYN
Are you saying after spending one year at FISK UNIVERSITY, you are going to give it all up to help me? Son, I can’t let you do that.
JOSEPH JR
I have dropped out of college. I want to help you, Mom.
JOLYN
I wish you didn’t. This is a hard business, but I can let you manage the new prototype building on 7959 KING DRIVE, but son it’s going to be a lot of work.
INT. BALDWIN ICE CREAM PARLOR – KINGS DRIVE – DAY
JOLYN and JOSEPH JR are observing the customers as they come into the newly opened building. They’re not happy. The white female teenage cashier is smiling as she serves the customers.
CUSTOMER ONE
I can’t believe how BALDWIN ICE CREAM sold out the BLACK COMMUNITY.
JOLYN is about to answer the customer, but holds herself back to allow JOSEPH JR handle it.
JOSEPH JR
What do you mean?
CUSTOMER ONE
First you use White contractors to build your store and now you hire a white cashier. You sold us out.
JOSEPH JR
But we also have Black workers.
CUSTOMER ONE
You sold out. Let us boycott this place. They sold out on us.
Other customers shout to boycott the shop.
JOSEPH JR
Can we really solve discrimination by engaging in it ourselves?
CUSTOMER TWO
We don’t have jobs to give to white folks who don’t need it. We are not going to support this.
Still shouts of boycott continue.
INT. HOME – DAY
JOSEPH JR sits with JOLYN in the living room. He seems agitated and frustrated.
JOLYN
What’s the matter son.
JOSEPH JR
MOM, I don’t want to manage any more. It is way too hard and we are not making a profit. I am going back to college and complete my degree.
JOLYN
It’s been a tough year for business, son and with Black folks not supporting the shop, I will have no choice but to close it down. In a way, I’m glad you have decided to go back to college. Business has been a constant struggle. We are not making money with the Airport Concession Stands either. I feel like my hands are tied.
JOSEPH JR
MOM, why it feels like you were never around when I was younger? So many times I felt alone and depressed.
JOLYN
Son, I am so sorry. I had to get out and make things happen for us. When your dad died, we were left with a struggling business. I had to take matters into my own arms to save it, but unfortunately it took me away from you. I wish I had spent more time with you.
JOSEPH JR
It was hard Mom.
JOLYN
I am so sorry Son. I wish I could have done it different, but I was up against a wall.
JOSEPH JR
I understand. The good news though, I have qualified for the DUAL DEGREE ENGINEERING PROGRAM at CLARK UNIVERSITY in Atlanta. I won the top honor out of 400 applicants nationwide.
JOLYN
Look at you. I am so proud of you.
JOSEPH JR
I thought you were going to be disappointed that I am not staying to develop the family business. I realized business is not for me.
JOLYN hugs her son.
JOLYN
That’s the important lesson in life. It is finding what’s best for you and committing to it. It will be all right, Son. It will all work out.
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO – DAY
JOLYN opens a letter on her desk. It is from the Federal Government. They are suing Baldwin Ice Cream. She calls for an immediate meeting with the drivers. She is holding the letter, her hands shaking uncontrollably.
JOLYN
Are there any, any drivers here using underage kids to off load deliveries?
DRIVER 1
We’ve done it in the past, but we no longer do.
JOLYN
Well, I have a letter from the Federal government suing our company. They claim our drivers are using underage boys as helpers. Seven months ago, they were awarding us with the Entrepreneur of the Year Award and today, they are suing us.
DRIVER 2
MRS. ROBICHAUX, we shouldn’t be charged with something everybody does. All the delivery drivers for other stores do exactly that.
JOLYN
We are going to fight this. We are not giving in.
INT. CAFE – DAY
RITA ROGERS sits with JOLYN for lunch.
JOLYN
The Federal government is suing me for what they are calling driver’s aid. They are saying our drivers employ under-aged boys to help them off load our trucks. I am going to fight them every step of the way.
RITA ROGERS
In my experience, nobody brings the Federal government to court and wins. These cases normally drag on for years. You may as well pay them. What are they asking?
JOLYN
They want us to pay $500 a day with back pay stemming from the alleged violation.
RITA ROGERS
That’s impossible.
JOLYN
It is, and that’s why I am going to fight it.
RITA ROGERS
What evidence do they have?
JOLYN
I don’t know. They are asking anyone who has off loaded our trucks in the past to come forward with a promise to compensate them. I’ll show those fools how to run an investigation.
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM COMPANY – DAY
JOLYN is seated in her office. She receives a package. It is from an investigator. It contains labelled photos. She writes a letter. She reads the letter aloud.
JOLYN (V.O.)
In the matter of the Federal Government vs. Baldwin Ice Cream Company, we understand your concern about the use of minors as drivers’ aid. We at Baldwin Ice Cream Company have a strict policy against such procedures. If you have any proof of our drivers engaging in such acts please provide them to me and we will be happy to investigate the issue. In the meantime, here are photographs showing 6 major White corporations engaging in the use of drivers’ aid with minors. Hope this helps with your investigation and we look forward to hearing from you soon.
JOLYN seals the envelope and addresses it to the Federal Government.
INT. FEDERAL GOVERNMENT – DAY
FEDERAL AGENT picks up the letter on his desk from BALDWIN ICE CREAM COMPANY. He reads it aloud, then looks at the photographs.
FEDERAL AGENT
Son of a Bitch.
INT. CHICAGO DINER – DAY
JOLYN meets with RITA ROGERS.
JOLYN
I’ve received a letter from the Federal Government. They have dropped the charges against Baldwin Ice Cream Co.
RITA ROGERS
How did that happen?
JOLYN
I simply volunteered to help them with their investigations and sent them some photographs of several major corporations that are engaging in driver’s aid, the actions we are accused of. The Federal Government would need to go after the powerful white organizations to appear equitable when taking Baldwin down.
RITA ROGERS
They underestimated your tenacity.
INT. OFFICE OF CHICAGO AVIATION AGENCY – DAY
JOLYN meets the MANAGER of Chicago Aviation Agency to discuss her plans to close the airport concession stands.
AVIATION MANAGER
MRS. ROBICHAUX, if you close your 5 stands it will look bad on you. You have been in the news for your groundbreaking accomplishments. We need you to stay.
JOLYN
No, it would look bad on you.
It makes no business sense for me to keep the locations. We are not turning in a profit and it is draining our wholesale finances. I will close the stands and accept my losses.
AVIATION MANAGER
I don’t want that kind of headlines for our department. We may have a buyer if you would like to consider that option.
JOLYN
Sure. I would be happy to sell.
AVIATION MANAGER
That would be a better option. We get a lot of people inquiring about concession stands.
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO – DAY
JOLYN is going through her accounting books. A Japanese gentleman is standing at her door.
MR. WU
Hello MRS. ROBICHAUX.
JOLYN
Yes. Come in. How can I help you?
MR. WU
My name is MR. WU. The Chicago Aviation Agency recommended that I speak to you. I am looking to purchase your concession stands at O’Hare Airport.
JOLYN
Are you in the ice cream business?
MR. WU
Our company sells steaks, and we are looking to expand. Would you be interested?
JOLYN
Most definitely.
MR. WU
I will need your five locations.
JOLYN
You’ve got it.
-
Melanie’s Completed Act 3
What I learned: I need to add a lot more scenes or extend them if this is going to be a feature-length script!
Key Scene:
BEGINNING: Sybil keeps strategizing. She pulls a rope across the road tying it to two trees in order to trip up Samuel.
MIDDLE: Samuel happens to see the rope in the moonlight.
END: Instead of foiling him, he concludes he’s going in the right direction and proceeds.
Key Scene:
BEGINNING: An Old Man finds Samuel in the shadows listening to everyone ridiculing Sybil. He laughs.
MIDDLE: The Old Man confronts him, seeing his red coat. He points his gun at him.
END: Samuel threatens him, and the Old Man lets him go.
Key Scene:
BEGINNING: Sybil pays off a boy to ride his horse in another direction. She gives her hat for to wear.
MIDDLE: The boy heads off and it works! Samuel rides after him, recognizing the hat.
END: Samuel catches up to the boy but the boy sells her out and tells him that she paid him off. Samuel turns back to town.
EXT. ROAD – NIGHT
Sybil continues down the dirt road to the next town. She looks over her shoulder, sees nothing.
But she signals to Star to go to the side of the road. She slips off her back and takes the rope from the barn off of the saddle.
SYBIL
Just in case.
Finding a tree on one side of the road, she carefully ties it around and knots it. Then she quickly crosses the road to another tree, wrapping it around its truck as well and tying it off. Looking back, the rope is tight across the road.
Star stamps the ground, as if signaling to her rider that she hears something. Sybil hurries to hop back on and they gallop ahead to the next town.
CUT TO:
EXT. ROAD – LATER
Samuel and his horse are galloping at a fast speed down the dark road.
Angle on the rope waiting for them ahead.
But the closer they get, the wiser Samuel seems. He strains his eye catching something in the moonlight. He slows his horse down as they near.
SAMUEL
Ho!
And stops just in time, the horse rearing on his hind legs at the sudden command.
CUT TO:
EXT. TOWN OF MAHOPAC FALLS – NIGHT
At the edge of town, Samuel hides in the shadows. He listens to the townspeople respond to her. And laughs when he hears how they dismiss her.
CA-CLICK!
Samuel turns around to see the OLD MAN standing behind him, pointing the barrel of his gun at the his face.
OLD MAN
Get off your horse with your hands up, redcoat!
Samuel slides down, calmly.
SAMUEL
Old man. I mean you no harm.
OLD MAN
Then why are you here? We want no business with you.
SAMUEL
I merely stopped to rest. Get some water for my horse. I’ll be going shortly.
The Old Man tightens the grip on the gun’s handle.
OLD MAN
You need to keep moving, man. This town doesn’t take in foreigners.
From behind Samuel’s back we see a knife in the belt of his pants. One of his hands reaches for it slowly.
SAMUEL
I wouldn’t do that, old man. I’m half your age and can take you down in a few seconds. If you value your life, you’ll go back home and forget this ever happened.
The Old Man thinks about his options for a minute, then slowly lowers his gun.
OLD MAN
Your rest is over. Get out of here!
Samuel nods, and takes the reigns again. Heads off through the shadows. The Old Man watches him leave.
CUT TO:
-
Sandra’s Completed Act 3
What I learned doing this assignment is that by moving scenes around to complete Act 2, I didn’t have enough scenes for Act 3 and needed to create more scenes and placeholders.
3<sup>rd</sup> ACT SCENES
INT. UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Lucy questioned by a police officer.
INT. UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL – DAY
BEGINNING: Ambulance arrives and the research assistant is rushed to the emergency room.
MIDDLE: Nurses and doctors rush in and hook up machines. Blood and other tests are run.
END: EMT’s leave.
INT. HUSBAND’S WORK – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: TBD
INT. PROFESSOR CLARK’S OFFICE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: TBD
INT. ANOTHER HOSPITAL – DAY
BEGINNING: Lucy’s mother in ICU hooked up to monitors.
MIDDLE: Nurses and doctor examine her.
END: Lucy’s brother and sister sit in the waiting room.
INT. LUCY’S HOUSE – DAY
BEGINNING: Husband straightens up the house, sweeps the floor, etc.
MIDDLE: He decorates the house with “Congratulations” banner, balloons, cake, etc.
END: Husband installs dead bolts on the front and back doors.
EXT. UNIVERSITY RESEARCH LAB – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: TBD (big black truck)
-
Fred’s Completed Act 3
What I learned from this assignment is that I will eventually need to show my message through actions and scenes later in the rewrite, not just talk. Right now there aren’t enough visual cues to admit change, most of the information is cast through speech.
INT. EMMA’S DORM ROOM – NIGHT
Emma opens the door to find a fatigued Jin leaning against the frame.
EMMA
Hey!
JIN
Hey babe.
Jin kisses Emma and passes her to throw his stuff on the ground.
EMMA
How was your trip?
JIN
Good, good.
EMMA
Uhm, do you want to take off your jacket or change before-
He collapses straight on the bed. She comes over to sit down next to him.
EMMA
Never mind. Tired?
JIN
Yeah. These train rides really knock you out. Thanks for letting me crash I did not have it in me to make it all the way home.
EMMA
Uhm, I would have preferred, “I had to come see you right away, I missed you so much,” but I’ll take it.
JIN
Aren’t we a little past those over the top romantic gestures.
EMMA
I don’t think there’s ever a time limit on that. Not unless all the romance is dead.
JIN
Well, we’re not there yet.
EMMA
Tell me about your trip, what was it like meeting your cousins.
JIN
Oh. They’re awesome. Turns out we have a lot in common. Like they also went to school in the states. They like sports, have a dog, go to church, which is a little different but whatever.
EMMA
That’s great!
JIN
Yeah…
EMMA
What is it?
JIN
It’s just that they didn’t really feel like my family. Like some things just felt a little off.
EMMA
I mean you guys have been separated for a while. Of course it’s gonna be like that.
JIN
Yeah but we’re related, so I thought things would just click like they do with my dad’s side.
EMMA
It doesn’t have to happen all of a sudden. You’ll build a relationship with them.
JIN
Right. Actually, there was one other thing I thought about on the train ride over.
EMMA
What’s that.
JIN
As much as I resent my dad for what he did and my relatives for not doing anything about it. I couldn’t stop thinking about all the memories we forged all these years. Like things with them have always come easy and felt natural. Maybe I have to separate some of this stuff.
EMMA
Right, like compartmentalizing your thoughts when you’re studying or playing sports. You can’t focus on everything at once.
JIN
Mhm, I’m not sure if that’s exactly it, but sure.
EMMA
In a way. That’s what your dad had to do.
JIN
How so.
EMMA
He was becoming unhappy with his marriage but he wanted to keep things stable for you. So he looked elsewhere. Not to disrupt the balance of the family.
JIN
Except he shattered it into pieces years later.
EMMA
I’m not saying the end result was validated. But at least the process was…
JIN
Selfish?
EMMA
I was going to say admirable.
JIN
Let’s stop talking about this. Clearly you are bias and leaning towards his side.
EMMA
No, that’s not fair. I’m just saying you have to hear both sides of the story.
JIN
And how would you know?
EMMA
(beat)
I’ve been… Doing a little research.
JIN
What?
EMMA
Well, you wouldn’t meet or hear what your dad had to say, so I thought it would be best that I relay the information to you.
JIN
That’s not your fucking call, Emma.
EMMA
Whoa, and it’s yours?
JIN
This has to do with my family, my parents, and my relatives.
EMMA
Why won’t you let me be a part of it?
JIN
Because I don’t want you to get tangled up in the shit show mess that I’m a part of.
EMMA
Jin, that stuff doesn’t matter. You think I can’t see past that?
JIN
You have no idea what it’s like. Don’t ever see my dad again.
EMMA
He’s just trying to win your approval.
JIN
He’s using you to get to me. So don’t help him out.
EMMA
Don’t you want things to go back to the way they were?
JIN
No. I wanna get as far away from him as possible. Because every time I see him –
(beat)
EMMA
Jin, you’re nothing like your dad. I swear.
JIN
(shakes his head)
You don’t know that.
EMMA
Yes I do.
EMMA
You think I can’t tell the difference? You have a good heart.
JIN
Don’t.
EMMA
I know because I see how you take care of your mom.
JIN
Seriously, please.
EMMA
And I know because of the way you love me.
JIN
STOP!
EMMA
What?
JIN
BECAUSE EMMA. I cheated on you. Just like he did.
Beat.
EMMA
Now why would you make up something like that.
JIN
Fall semester. You wouldn’t accept the fact that I wanted to break up. Not over the phone through long distance. So I hooked up with a girl in order to have something to point to as to why things weren’t working. But eventually you took the hint without me having to tell you.
EMMA
But… that was because we were practically broken up.
JIN
Except we weren’t. Not yet.
EMMA
Jin, all that matters is that you’re back in my life now.
JIN
No. I know for a fact that someday I’m gonna pull the same shit he did. Because I already have.
EMMA
Jin, stop.
JIN
Didn’t you hear what I said? I CHEATED ON YOU. Had a one night stand with a Chinese girl I met at a bar.
EMMA
Don’t do this.
JIN
That’s the kind of fucking men you’re dealing with Emma.
EMMA
Stop, please.
JIN
So get the fuck away from us. For God’s sake.
EMMA
Jin…
Emma tries to hold Jin but Jin brakes her clasp and charges out of her room. She cries in despair in his wake.
-
Clendon – Completed Act 3
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? To trust in the process, fill in the pieces and then fill it out after the structure is standing.
———————————————————————————————
[2] Outline any scenes left for Act 3.
INT. CAR – DAY
BEGINNING: Clendon is driving, answers his phone.
MIDDLE: Private Investigator found Gina; he tells the PI to put a symbol on her bedroom window
END: Feels badly.
———————-
INT. MARY’S BEDROOM – TWENTY MINUTES LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon searches his mother’s bedroom.
MIDDLE: He finds a safe in clothes closet: contains $ and a photo album
END: Album contains photos of Ramirez w/ his mom and JR with his mother. He is pissed.
—————————–
INT. JR’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
BEGINNING: He goes in, sees JR and asks him why. No response, man’s gone.
MIDDLE: He asks if it was his father who put him up to it.
END: He leaves with no answers.
————————
EXT/INT. STARBUCKS – LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon drives up, charges in the store
MIDDLE: He confronts Ramirez, shoves the photo album at her
END: They talk, Ramriez says she’s afraid having JR in that house will tempt him to kill
————————
MOMENTARY FLASHBACK – POINSETTIA ON BREAKFAST TABLE
BEGINNING: Clendon recalls the Poinsetta on his mother’s table.
MIDDLE: He remembers the Poinsetta on JR’s desk and how he sneezed.
END: Promises the detective he won’t hurt JR, that he is family.
————————
INT. VINTAGE CUISINE – LATER
BEGINNING: Clendon meets with his father at a fancy restaurant
MIDDLE: They talk, bicker; verbal banter.
END: Clendon walks off realizing his apology didn’t mean a thing to his dad.
————————
INT. MARY’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Clendon reminiscing with Natalie and Linda
MIDDLE: Linda checks his wound, mad he hasn’t changed the dressing. Changes it.
END: Linda gets up to leave, JR’s cough sends them all into the man’s room.
——————————
INT. JR’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
BEGINNING: Linda and Natalie go to work: changing IV’s, checking vitals, etc.
MIDDLE: Clendon freaks, watches
END: Clendon asks Linda to stay the night; she agrees.
——————————
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Gina sees the heart with the infinity sign in it and freaks out.
MIDDLE: Gina calls Lana, tells her; asks about Clendon
END: Gina tells Lana to talk w/ Clendon, tell him she loves him, that it’s her dad.
——————————
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Clendon and Natalie go caroling w/ the neighbors.
MIDDLE: Natalie sees Clendon hand several old residents deeds to their home.
END: She is moved; kisses Clendon passionately, wants him.
——————————
INT. CHURCH – DAY
BEGINNING: Clendon is kneeling, praying for his mother
MIDDLE: Lana joins him, tells him what Gina said
END: Clendon tells her, she wants to talk, she has to do it in person.
————————————
INT. MARY’S HOME – LAUNDRY ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Natalie does the laundry, finds a medical paper in his pants.
MIDDLE: She reads the DNA results, reads and realizes Clendon knows!
END: She storms down the stairs to his workout room.
—————————————
INT. WORKOUT ROOM – CONTINUOUS
BEGINNING: Natalie confronts Clendon, punches him.
MIDDLE: They fight, she is furious. She wants Clendon to kill her.
END: They end up making love on the floor.
———————————————————-
[3] Write the outlined scenes.
#1. INT. CAR – DAY
Clendon answers the call on the third ring and listens. The Private Investigator is blunt and to the point.
CLENDON “Toronto? Send all the photos. I’m going to text you an image. I want it magic-markered on Gina’s bedroom window tonight.”
Clendon hangs up, his more a look of loss.
———————————
#2. INT. MARY’S BEDROOM – TWENTY MINUTES LATER
ANGLE ON Clendon. Frantic, he rummages through his mother’s WALK-IN CLOSET. Behind him, a chest of drawers and walnut bureau, both clearly ransacked.
At the vanity, contents of a jewelry box dumped across the granite counter top.
CLENDON “Where is it, mother?(wipes eyes) Your cross, it’s got to be here.”
ON HANDS AND KNEES, Clendon sweeps aside an entire row of shoes. Lifting up the strip of carpeting laid down under the shoe rack, he discovers a floor safe.
His surprise turns to a smile; it’s unlocked.
CLENDON “Well, well what else you hiding?”
He pulls out a photo album and a banded stack of hundred dollar bills. He returns to the vanity with the photo-album. The money, he stuffs in a jacket pocket.
#3. INSERT – PHOTO ALBUM
1. Ramirez, skinny girl, arms wrapped around a Christmas package.
2. Ramirez, in cap and gown standing at a podium.
3. Rookie, in uniform, outside the police academy.
4. Detective Ramirez in a wedding dress, man at her side in a military uniform.
BACK TO SCENE
Clendon’s surprise turns to something else. He FLIPS to the back of the album — STARES in disbelief.
#4. INSERT – PHOTOS
1. Mary’s Office – JR dressed as Santa at a carving station.
2. Park – Mary and JR posing together beside a bronze statue.
3. JR’s Cafe – Mary handing JR a framed dollar bill.
BACK TO SCENE.
Clendon SLAMS the album shut.
CLENDON “Of course you knew one another. Was he a business partner, mother? Is that what this is about? Did you two have a disagreement?”
Clendon sweeps the letters and other memorabilia off the counter and storms off with the photo album.
——————————-
#5. INT. JR’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Clendon steps into the room, looks at JR’s unchanging child-like expression; it hurts him in a way he can’t explain.
CLENDON (hands at JR’s neck) “I don’t know why you did what you did. For Natalie’s sake, I won’t take you from her. Besides, mother wouldn’t want me to take a life…”
Clendon, leans down, their noses almost touching.
CLENDON “Did father put you up to it? Nod if he did. Did he?”
It is impossible to tell if his words have any effect. Clendon closes his eyes, heavy sigh, turns and leaves.
————————–
#6. EXT/INT. STARBUCKS – LATER
Black Yukon SLIDES TO A STOP taking up two parking spaces. Clendon jumps out, slams the door shut.
INSIDE –
Clendon finds Ramirez at a corner table. Without so much as hello, he thrusts the photo album at her.
CLENDON “All this time you had me to believe you didn’t know my mother. Why?!”
RAMIREZ “It was Mary’s wish. She asked me to keep an eye on you in the event she got sick or passed.”
Clendon hesitates, not sure he wants to hear this.
RAMIREZ “Your mother was my sponsor; if wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t be a detective. So, when she asked me to watch over you, I didn’t hesitate. “
CLENDON “JR knew my mother. I found receipts and holiday photos of her with him. He never said a word. (without segueing) His hair might’ve been in the house because he stopped by to visit.”
RAMIREZ “There’s no record of JR checking in at the entrance. I’ve gone over all the videos for that day. You told me the hair samples were Joe-Joe’s.”
CLENDON (deflects) “Mom’s crucifix wasn’t with her personal effects. She never took it off. Whoever killed her, has it.”
RAMIREZ “Good to know. I’ll make a note of it in her file… I know why you’re doing this and I can’t in good conscience let you.”
CLENDON “Look, I told you, he’s family. Besides, he’s not going anywhere.”
RAMIREZ “What’s to stop you from finishing what you set out to do?”
CLENDON “Yeah, now I can cry like everyone else. It sucks!”
RAMIREZ “There’s more to the grieving process. A good first step doesn’t mean you won’t back slide. I did.”
CLENDON “Coming to terms requires accepting what happened. My mother’s gone, that won’t change. Putting JR in prison won’t bring her back. It would destroy Natalie and I can’t have that. End of story.”
RAMIREZ “Keeping your mother’s killer in her house is a recipe for disaster.”
CLENDON “I worked with JR, saw him daily. I’ll tell the jury that. His hair was on my clothing. Reasonable doubt is all it takes.”
THAT STOPS Ramirez cold.
She is tempted to take offense. Her respect for Clendon is tinged with the realization he is at a crossroads and could easily become his father.
RAMIREZ “You’re right. The evidence is circumstantial. No weapon, no motive, no witnesses. Just so you know, I have an eyelash. Means he was in the room with Mary, up close: might’ve sneezed, something caused him to lose an eyelash. They just don’t fall out.”
Ramirez opens her purse, takes out a folded sheet of paper.
———————————–
#7. MOMENTARY FLASHBACK – POINSETTIA ON BREAKFAST TABLE
Clendon recalls the POINSETTIA on his mother’s table, remembers the violent SNEEZE JR had in his office because of the poinsettia Natalie left for him.
BACK TO SCENE.
RAMIREZ “Destroy this. My mother was taken from me when I was half your age. I spent years where you are.”
Clendon scans the lab report; name reads, John Doe.
CLENDON “Thank-you. I know this isn’t easy for you. I promise, I won’t hurt him. Swear it on my mother’s soul.”
RAMIREZ “Go on, before I change my mind and arrest you… Here, this is yours.”
CLENDON “It belongs to you. But you have to make me a copy – now that we’re family.”
Clendon gives Ramirez a heart-felt hug. He reaches down, sets the brick of hundred dollar bills in her lap.
CLENDON “My turn to grope you.”
Clendon walks off. Ramirez checks her lap thinking he left her a book.
——————————————
#8. INT. VINTAGE CUISINE – LATER
Clendon walks up to his father’s table, surprised to find him alone. He takes up a chair across from him.
TREVOR “You said we needed to talk.”
CLENDON “I need to apologize for my behavior the other day.”
TREVOR “I get it, you’re manichean, it’s either black or white.”
CLENDON “Beats sleazy and self-rationalizing.”
TREVOR “Opinions and viewpoints, everyone is entitled, or do you feel free will is a lie too, son?”
CLENDON “I believe the way a person interprets his actions defines his character.”
TREVOR “Delusion or discernment, one person’s cooperation is another’s compromise.”
Clendon pushes away from the table.
CLENDON “I tried. Good night, father.”
————————————————
#9. INT. MARY’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
In keeping with the season and Clendon’s proclivity for all things Christmas, he has on Santa Claus pajama pants and a colorful North Pole sweat-shirt.
Animated, he looks ten times better than he did this morning. His exuberance, albeit narcotically-enhanced, is contagious.
A weight has been lifted from his shoulders.
He sits facing Linda. Beside him, Natalie in a Rudolph tee-shirt, black Yoga pants and fuzzy, reindeer slippers.
LINDA “Have you been changing your dressing and disinfecting the wound twice a day?”
CLENDON “Yeah…about that.”
Natalie gives Linda a telling look.
LINDA “It’s not something to take lightly. Threat of infection is serious. When is the last time you changed those dressings?”
CLENDON “Yesterday — morning.”
Linda is up, out of her chair.
LINDA “I’ll be right back.”
She strides out of the room.
NATALIE (mouths: tisk-tisk-tisk) “You’ve done it now. She comes back with a syringe full of penicillin, I’m helping hold you down. (wicked smile) You know where the needle goes?”
CLENDON “You Benedict Arnold. I get a shot, you’re getting a spanking for ratting me out.”
NATALIE (blows a kiss) “Promises – promises.”
LINDA returns with gauze pads, tape, ointment and disinfectant; she sets the supplies on the coffee table.
LINDA “Take off your shirt.”
Natalie helps Clendon with the sweat shirt.
LINDA “Sit up. There, that’s better. (removes old dressing) Natalie, would you please turn on the room lights… Thank-you.”
Linda examines the wound, pleased.
LINDA “It appears to be healing. Any burning sensations?”
CLENDON “No, I will change the dressing twice a day, promise.”
Linda’s medical focus gives way to the needs of a woman staring at Klendon’s physical perfection.
LINDA “I better be going.”
Natalie gives Linda a hug. As Linda’s turns to leave, Natalie gives Clendon the eye gesturing for him to walk with her.
Obliging, Clendon follows Linda to the front door.
MOMENT LATER, RAGGED COUGH brings Natalie to her feet. In the hallway, she is met by Clendon and Linda. The three rush into JR’s room.
———————————————–
#10. INT. JR’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Clendon watches Linda check vitals, change out IV bags. He waits for a lull, then goes to her.
CLENDON “Please, stay. There are five bedrooms upstairs. I can’t take another person dying in this house. I just can’t.”
LINDA “I’ll stay; it’s not a problem.”
An immense wave of relief washes over Clendon.
CLENDON “Thank you.”
He hugs her, then leaves the room And as the door closes…
———————————
#11. INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Another door OPENS — GINA flips on the room light, steps into her room.
She stares at the bedroom window — her eyes locked on the bold, red, outline of a HEART drawn on the window pane.
In a daze, she crosses the room — finds herself tracing the infinity symbol inside the heart — able to feel Clendon’s fingertip drawing it on the swell of her left breast.
Pulling the curtain shut, Gina slips under the bedcovers — stares up at the ceiling — lost in possibility.
The CAMERA surveys the bedroom. New four-poster bed, matching dresser, wall-mounted 60 inch flat-panel television — walk-in bathroom with garden tub and separate shower enclosure.
In the bg., we HEAR the unmistakable SOUNDS OF Gina pleasuring herself.
AFTERWARDS
Gina retrieves a prepaid phone from under the mattress, keys in a phone number committed to memory.
Staticy, she gives the disposable phone a dirty look.
GINA “Pick up – pick up…”
On the sixth ring, Lana’s voice reaches our ears.
GINA “I hurt Clendon when he needed me the most. I think he knows where I live.”
LANA “Probably a local boy crushing on you.”
GINA “With an infinity sign drawn inside the heart?!”
LANA “Oh God, is he stalking you?”
GINA “No, I haven’t seen him. Let Clendon know I love him, that I miss him… You can’t tell him about his dad! Promise me, Lana. (sniffles) I had to call and tell you.”
LANA “I’m glad you did. Couldn’t believe you guys were just, like gone. “
——————————————–
#12. EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Clendon and Natalie are caroling with a dozen other residents from the neighborhood. Dressed in Dickens era clothing, they go from door-to-door singing Holiday classics.
Clendon on the guitar. Danbury, the next-door neighbor, toting a violin.
Guarded at first, Natalie feels the love these people have for one another is genuine, and is moved by it. Clendon’s leadership, his influence; everyone is touched by his presence, Natalie included.
We STEADICAM down the shoveled and salted sidewalk — CAMERA STOPPING ON the Timkins — mister and misses, with thermos of hot cider and a platter of cookies — an elderly couple who epitomize graciousness.
JACK TIMKINS, personable man with snowy head of hair and a neatly trimmed mustache.
Clendon hands Natalie his guitar, goes over and gives misses Timkins a sealed envelope.
Protective, even fierce, Natalie watches the elderly lady open the envelope — her hand covers her mouth in disbelief.
Clendon walks back, a smile from ear to ear. Natalie, having worked one summer for a bank, recognizes a property deed when she sees one.
Natalie stares at Clendon as he adjusts his guitar strap: wanting him in a way she’s never felt about anyone before.
CLENDON “We’ve three more to deliver. Glad you took the night off, Nat. Feels right having you with me playing Santa. We make a good team.”
Natalie kisses him on the cheek — getting his attention — KISSING much more passionately as the carolers mingle to enjoy hot cider, spiced wine, and sugar cookies.
—————————————-
#13. INT. CHURCH – DAY
Down on a kneeler facing a bank of candles, Clendon lights a remembrance candle for his mother. Making the Sign of the Cross, he bows his head in prayer.
Struggling with the injustice, wanting to blame God for not intervening, the prayer he recites on his mother’s behalf is muttered without meaning. Or hope.
LANA KNEELS DOWN next to him.
CLENDON “Lana… I didn’t know you were…”
LANA “A parish member, I’m not. I heard what you’re doing for Natalie and her father.”
CLENDON “Look, I know you’re not a fan, you have every right. For the record, your dad would’ve made a great mayor. The idiot in office is my father’s puppet. I’m sorry…
LANA “I don’t blame you, or hate you — you’re just… Look, I was afraid you were going to break Gina’s heart.
CLENDON “Ironic, considering who did the breaking — A dear John text. Who does that?! It’s so not like her.”
He fishes his phone out of a coat pocket, finds the saved text, hands Lana the cellphone. Not sure she wants to read it; Lana does so anyway.
Cold, even cruel, the words bring tears to her eyes knowing how badly it must’ve hurt Gina to send such a text.
CLENDON “Didn’t think I could feel anything, but this hurt — a lot.”
He deletes the text in front of her, pockets the phone.
LANA “I spoke with Gina last night.”
Lana shows Clendon the photograph of the heart stenciled on Gina’s bedroom window.
LANA “She told me to tell you, she misses you. It’s her father. He’s a hater.”
Clendon jumps to his feet, winces in pain, clutches his chest.
CLENDON Who’s he to judge?!
Seeing the frightened look on Lana’s face, Clendon settles back down on the kneeler.
CLOSE ON his hands trembling as presses them together in prayer.
CLENDON “Trevor Clendon Reedloc the third. I know he’s behind this — I know it.”
LANA “It wasn’t your father. Gina’s father doesn’t want her…”
CLENDON “Anywhere near a Reedloc. I get it.”
He looks Lana in the face, his expression cold and hurt.
CLENDON “Tell Gina, if she wants to talk to me, she’ll have to do so in person.”
—————————————–
#14. INT. MARY’S HOME – LAUNDRY ROOM – NIGHT
Tired, but in a good mood, Natalie marches into the laundry room. She reaches in the hamper for their clothing.
Thinking Clendon left money in one of his pants pocket, she pulls out a folded piece of paper. LOGO catches her eye:
INSERT – LOGO
TRI-MEDIC LABORATORIES
BACK TO SCENE
She unfolds the paper — sees the date, the requesting officer’s name — eyes the subject’s name: John Doe.
Reading over the results and genetic markers — her eyes narrow with anger — her greatest fear has been realized. He knows!
————————————————-
#15. INT. WORKOUT ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Without gloves or his wrists being wrapped, Clendon is pummeling a heavy bag. There’s a wet, red circle on the gauze pad taped to his chest.
Natalie strides into the room — PUNCHES Clendon’s shoulder to get his attention.
She throws the lab results in his face.
Clendon drops his hands, squeezes his eyes shut and bites down on his mouth piece. He cannot go there.
Natalie’s PUNCH takes him square in the jaw. Mouth piece GOES FLYING.
Clendon drops to one knee. Dazed. His face says it all: what the hell?! He can’t believe she hit him.
Natalie attacks: raining punches at Clendon. One blow splits open the gash above his right eye.
Covering up — Clendon retaliates with a vicious LEG SWEEP — drops Natalie to the floor mat. Incredibly quick, she is up and attacking.
Her athleticism, no match for Clendon’s years of intense training. Clendon BODY SLAMS her to the mat.
NATALIE “I get my hands free, I’m going to break your face!”
Clendon pins her arms over her head.
NATALIE “How long have you known?!”
Clendon says nothing. Struggle as she might, Natalie cannot break his hold.
NATALIE “Fuck you! Finish it. “
She exposes her neck to Clendon — daring him.
CLENDON “Why’d he do it?! You even know?”
Pushing up with her hips, Natalie struggles; unable to dislodge him, fuels her anger. Blood from the GASH on Clendon’s forehead drips on her cheek.
NATALIE “No! I don’t. He didn’t say a word. God-damn him to hell! “
NATALIE’S FACE CRUMBLES AS SHE BURSTS INTO TEARS.
Clendon releases her. Natalie scrambles to her feet. Incredibly, she starts punching, kicking. Sobbing. Grief-stricken.
Seeing red, Clendon RETALIATES: HITS HER TWICE in rapid succession — LUNGES for her — his hands around her throat.
NATALIE “Do it! Do it! I can’t live with this… Kill me, Clendon!?
Her body goes limp — stops fighting — wanting death.
Sliding his hands away from her throat, pinning her head to the mat with her hair, Clendon does the unthinkable.
EXTREME CLOSE UP. Clendon’s lips mashing Natalie’s — forcing her mouth open.
Natalie REACTS: arms and legs curl around Clendon — as the two KISS violently — taste of blood in each other’s mouth — TEARING at their clothing — desperate for relief from an unbearable pain — from the betrayal of a man they both love.
On top, Natalie GRINDS her hips into Clendon with a shame she has never known — Climaxing together in a series moans and inarticulate cries: part pleasure, part pain.
PULL BACK — reveal a young man and woman clinging to one another: bloodied, trembling, gasping for breath, afraid to let go of one another.
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Dave Holloway’s Completed Act 3
What I learned doing this assignment is that writing scenes out in rough, “first draft” form allows me to get a new look at the story, and suggests possible ways the story can go in the scenes I’m writing. It also gives me a better sense of whether the plot line is working in an interesting, believable way.
Outline Scene for Act 3
BEGINNING: After his message from Livia, Nigel is in despair. But he rouses himself, suggesting that they take a walk to the prison, which someone at the front desk told him is only four blocks away.
MIDDLE: They walk there, and see themselves projected on billboards along the street, captures by unseen cameras.
END: They decided to walk by the prison and not linger, as they don’t want to be seen acting suspiciously in proximity to it. As they walk past, they see two policemen emerge from the prison with a handcuffed prisoner. They place him in their police car and drive off.
Outline Scene For Act 3
BEGINNING: On the walk back, Nigel says seeing the prisoner escorted from prison by the two cops has given him an idea. Roger asks about it, but Nigel says he wants to think it through further. He’s also leery of talking on the street, because he thinks it’s possible that there are unseen microphones along the street which pick up conversation, as the cameras record images.
MIDDLE: When they arrive at the hotel, Nigel leads the way into its underground garage. He looks around for cameras, but sees none, and tells Roger there’s less chance they’d be photographed doing anything in there than out on the street, where they know the cameras are.
END: Nigel pulls out a pocket knife which has a screwdriver accessory. He walks back into the furthest, most poorly lit part of the garage, and tells Roger to stand lookout for him, 30 feet away. He uses the screwdriver and takes off the license plates of a car, then takes the plates off the car they borrowed from the man in Shiloh, replaces them with the other car’s plates, and puts the borrowed car’s plates on the second car.
Act 3 Scene
Nigel tries to rouse himself to action and shake off the depression the message from Livia gave him.
NIGEL: Let’s take a walk to the prison, Rog. Front desk clerk told me it’s only about four blocks away.
ROGER: Good idea.
They rise and leave the room
EXT. VICKSBURG STREETS – DAY
As they walk along the street, they see their images on billboards along the block, recorded by unseen cameras.
NIGEL: Bloody hell. You’re never alone when you’re out in public here. Big brother’s always watching.
ROGER: Fucking fascists.
They approach the prison.
NIGEL: Better not spend too much time around the prison. Don’t want the cameras noticing us looking around there. Shiloh probably has my name and face, and I can’t afford to attract attention.
ROGER: Look at that, mate.
Two policemen lead a handcuffed man out of the prison to their police car on the street.
NIGEL: My God. What a nightmare to live in this damned asylum.
ROGER: Suicide would start to look fairly good.
NIGEL: Good thing we know where the damned prison is, anyway. Let’s head back.
They turn and start walking back the way they came. Nigel turns once and looks back at the prison. He speaks softly.
NIGEL: I’ll get you out of there, Liv. Or die in the attempt.
They head up the street.
EXT. VICKSBURG STREETS – DAY
They approach their hotel. Nigel speaks under his breath.
NIGEL: Seeing the cops lead that bloke out of the prison gives me an idea, Rog.
ROGER: What’s that?
NIGEL: I’ll tell you when we get back to the room. Bastards probably have microphones around here to record our words, like the bloody cameras record us.
They continue walking.
EXT. VICKSBURG STREETS – DAY
At the hotel, Nigel leads Roger into the underground garage. He looks around at the walls. The garage is poorly lit.
NIGEL: Don’t imagine there’s any cameras in here. Can’t be sure, though.
Nigel pulls out his pocket knife, then walks toward the farthest, darkest corner of the garage. He stops Roger.
NIGEL: Stand here and let me know if anyone’s coming, Rog.
Roger nods. Nigel goes to a car in the corner and using a screwdriver accessory in the pocket knife, removes the license plates of a car there. He walks with Roger to the space, 50 feet away, where they parked the car they took from the man in Shiloh. He quickly removes its plates and puts the plates from the other car on. Then he takes the plates from their borrowed car and puts them on the car he took the first set of plates from.
NIGEL: Bloke we took that car from has probably reported it stolen. If we’re pulled over tomorrow, I don’t want the cops knowing we stole it.
Roger looks at Nigel in wonder, unsure what his plan is, but says nothing. They walk out of the garage together.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by David Holloway.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by
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