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Post Your Lesson 21 Assignment Here
Reply and post your assignment here.
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14 Replies
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Dale’s Act 4 First Scenes:
What I learned doing this assignment is that I’m really not sure I’m always plugging the right scenes in at the right places, but I’m hoping in the rewrite phase, I’ll work this out.
KEY SCENE 1: REACTION TO 3RD ACT TURNING POINT
REACTION SCENES:
Although Elizabeth had a night of unbridled passion with Richard, and wakes up in a blissful state, when she turns and sees him in her bed, she is distressed. She dresses quickly and without waking Richard, heads to work.
Richard turns up at her office, all charm, but she tells him they can’t do this and rushes off. Later he learns that she’s gone home sick.
FACING DILEMMA SCENE
After Elizabeth has stayed home for a week pretending to be sick, Barbara comes over to see what’s really going on. She confesses what happened and struggles with the choices and implications of those choices, torn as to what to do.
OUTLINE OF KEY SCENES:
Reaction Scenes:
INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – MORNING
Beginning: Elizabeth wakes up next to Richard, happy, but then, looking at him realizes what they have done!
Middle: She gets dressed quickly and quietly without waking him.
End: She heads out the front door for work.
INT. STANTON UNIVERSITY – HALLWAY OUTSIDE ELIZABETH’S OFFICE – DAY
Beginning: Richard turns up at Liz’s office
Middle: He thinks everything is okay, he tries to charm her
End: She says that they can’t do this, and leaves quickly.
Facing Dilemma Scene:
INT. ELIZABETH DREWER’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Beginning: EIizabeth is in a despairing and disheveled state. Barbara arrives.
Middle: Barbara demands to know what’s wrong and Liz confesses what happened. She has been overcome with a helpless passion.
End: Elizabeth lays out the impossible choices and how she is torn between them.
DRAFT OF KEY SCENES 1 & 2
INT. ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – EARLY MORNING
Elizabeth is asleep. There is a peaceful look on her face. Slowly she wakes up, stretching her arms, feeling good.
But then she sees Richard lying next to her, asleep, and she remembers what they have done. The look on her face becomes one of growing alarm. She quickly and quietly gets up and gets dressed.
INT. ELIZABETH’S LIVING ROOM – LATER
Elizabeth grabs her briefcase. She looks toward the bedroom, listening. Hearing nothing, she slips quietly out the front door.
INT. STANTON UNIVERSITY – HALLWAY OUTSIDE ELIZABETH’S OFFICE – DAY
Richard is standing there, waiting. Elizabeth comes down the hallway, and sees him.
ELIZABETH
Richard.
RICHARD
You left early.
Elizabeth looks down the hallway to see if anyone is around. She quickly opens the door and ushers him inside.
INT. ELIZABETH’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
ELIZABETH
Yes.
RICHARD
If you’d woken me up, I could have made you breakfast.
ELIZABETH
I can make my own breakfast.
RICHARD
But you haven’t tasted my Huevos Rancheros.
He smiles charmingly at her. She doesn’t smile back. A beat. He reaches out to touch her, she pulls back from him.
ELIZABETH
I… I have a faculty meeting.
RICHARD
Now?
ELIZABETH
Yes.
RICHARD
(reaching for her again)
Elizabeth…
ELIZABETH
Please! No. We can’t do this.. …I have to go!
And before he can say anything else, she has walked briskly out the door.
INT. ELIZABETH DREWER’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – EVENING
There is only one lamp on in a distant room and Elizabeth is sitting on her couch in the semi-darkness staring into space. She is wearing a robe and her hair is mussed.
The living room is in a state of unusual disorder. There is knocking on the door.
ELIZABETH
(softly, to herself)
Go away.
The knocking continues.
ELIZABETH
Go away. Please.
More knocking.
ELIZABETH
I said: GO AWAY!!
BARBARA (O.S.)
Liz, it’s Barbara!
This doesn’t register at first with Elizabeth.
BARBARA
Let me in, would you?
ELIZABETH
Barbara?
She gets up hurriedly and goes to open the door.
ELIZABETH
Barbara. I’m sorry. I thought you were… Come in.
Barbara enters and looks around her.
BARBARA
Do you think you could get it any darker in here?
ELIZABETH
I’m sorry!
She goes and switches on a light. The state of the living room is apparent now.
BARBARA
My God.
ELIZABETH
I know, it’s a mess.
BARBARA
For anyone else, that word might do, but for you… this is pandemonium! …And look at you! You look like you haven’t slept or changed in days. Darling, what’s going on! You’ve been out all week! And why haven’t you answered my calls? I figured you must be dying!
ELIZABETH
(matter of factly)
I am.
BARBARA
Girl. What is it? Talk to me.
ELIZABETH
I… don’t know if I can tell you…
BARBARA
Of course you can. It’s me! Come on, Liz. I’ve never seen you like this.
ELIZABETH
That’s the same thing Marshall said.
BARBARA
Marshall? Has this got to do with Marshall?
ELIZABETH
No, he only came over because he–
BARBARA
What did he say? I’ll kill him!
ELIZABETH
It’s not Marshall, all right?! He was just trying to help! It’s Richard!
BARBARA
Richard? Amado?
ELIZABETH
Yes.
BARBARA
(realizing)
You slept with him.
ELIZABETH
Yes. …It’s like… like he has this hold over me.
BARBARA
Oh sweetie…
ELIZABETH
It was there… even in the beginning, even though I didn’t want to admit it. The air changed when he was in the room. Every movement he made made me feel… made me long to… I don’t understand this.
BARBARA
It’s passion, Liz, pure and simple.
ELIZABETH
But I didn’t feel that way with Marshall. I mean, sex was fine and all, but–
BARBARA
Now you feel swept away.
ELIZABETH
Yes, like one of those foolish women in some bodice-ripping romance novels. This isn’t me, Barbara! I should be able to reason myself out of this.
BARBARA
I think you’re being too hard on yourself.
ELIZABETH
Am I?
BARBARA
Does he love you?
ELIZABETH
He says he does, but–
BARBARA
And do you love him?
ELIZABETH
I… don’t know. Sometimes I think yes… but sometimes I think it’s nothing more than lust, or obsession, or… insanity!
BARBARA
Sounds like love to me.
(beat)
Look… I know you don’t want to hear this, but… why not, for the first time in your life, just go for it!
ELIZABETH
What?
BARBARA
You wouldn’t be the first, you know! Granted, the sexes are usually reversed, the ages too, and there is the Faculty Code… but as long as you didn’t get caught, as long as you were discreet…
ELIZABETH
Discreet! Oh I see, you mean, now that’s it happening to me, I can break the rules I’ve been telling everyone else to follow?
BARBARA
Well what are you going to do then?
ELIZABETH
I don’t know! If I report us to the administration, which I’m required to do, what will that mean? Richard will have to transfer somewhere else? And me, I’ll be viewed as a predator?
BARBARA
You’re not a predator.
ELIZABETH
Yes, I know. Not officially. But I didn’t stop it!
BARBARA
You tried.
ELIZABETH
Trying doesn’t count.
BARBARA
And if you don’t report it?
ELIZABETH
Then how do we stay away from each other? Because if we don’t, and someone discovers what’s going on, it could ruin our careers. There’s this girl, a student who has a crush on Richard, that already saw us arguing at one point.
BARBARA
Oh darling, I don’t know what to tell you.
Barbara goes and puts her arms around Elizabeth, and holds her quietly.
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Assignment 21
Aleta Rafton’s Act 4 First Scenes
What I learned in this assignment is that I need to keep building the level of the problem the hero faces and his conflict within himself to solve it.
Act 4
Outline Act 4 Key Scene 1 Reaction to 3<sup>rd</sup> Act Turning Point
Hank runs back to the sidecar
Tracker has stopped working
Hank starts the engine but doesn’t know where to go -frozen all hope lost
Shadow jumps in and licks Hank’s face
Grandpa and Jack arrive
Hank starts to blame Jack but stops mid-sentence
Jack finishes sentence for Hank
Outline Act 4 Key Scene 2 Protagonist Faces Their Dilemma
Hank just starts driving slowly at first
Everyone is quiet
Jack picks up tracker from floor – still not working
Get stuck in traffic
Hank just wants to go home
Cops are redirecting traffic. Slowly moving along
Tracker starts working
Hank tries to pass cars but can’t
Grabs tracker from Jack and jumps out of sidecar running between cars following signal
Jack jumps out and follows Hank
Act 4 Key Scene 1
(Hank runs back to the sidecar but the tracker has stopped working. Hank starts the engine but doesn’t know where to go -frozen all hope lost. Shadow jumps in and licks Hank’s face)
Hank
Okay Shadow okay. Stop! I sorry but I’m just not in the mood! This is such a disaster.
(Hank rests his head on the steering wheel, closes his eyes)
Hank
I wish this day had never happened!
(Grandpa and Jack arrive standing outside the sidecar)
Jack
What now Hank?
Grandpa
Yeah, what now?
Hank
Nothing! I can’t do anything. You can’t do anything! No one can do anything!!! It’s
over and Jack, it’s your….
Jack
My fault. I know. I know it’s all my fault this time.
Hank
No, it all started with me. My big mistake. Can’t blame you.
Grandpa
Glad we have that all settled.
Act 4 Scene Key Scene 2
(They are all riding silently in the sidecar again slowly leaving the dump heading toward the bright city lights.)
Grandpa
Jack, don’t you think the city lights look great.
Jack
Sure, Grandpa whatever you say.
(Closer to city traffic gets heavy. Hank is now driving very slowly now. Honks the horn in frustration!)
Hank
Come on! Go! Move on! We’ll never get home!!!!
(Now traffic cop is directing the cars and sidecar is heading closer to downtown)
Hank
What! We are going the wrong direction!!!!
Jack
Are you OK Hank?
Grandpa
It’s ok. We just have to be calm. Nothing we can do.
Hank
Maybe I can get home in time to make the party with Julie.
Grandpa
Yeah. Sure. Good plan
Jack
Guess you’re giving up, right, Hank?
Hank
Yes, Jack. I’m giving up just like you thought I would. Are you happy now? You can tell your mom what a loser I am…..Sorry Jack. I didn’t mean that. I really tried hard.
(Sidecar hits a deep pothole and Jack almost flies out but then he sees the tracker light up again)
Jack screams
Hank! Hank it’s working!
Hank
What’s working?
Jack
The tracker! The light is on and it’s moving. We’ve got to follow it!
Hank
Give it to me!
(Hank turns down a side street away from the traffic cop and starts speeding again following the tracker signal. Sidecar swaying wildly)
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Pam’s Act 4 – First Scenes
What I learned: Really excited to be in Act 4! Had not thought much about these scenes yet, looking forward to molding these further.
(Key Scene 1: REACTION TO 3RD ACT TURNING POINT)INT. HENRI’S APARTMENT – DAY
Henri hangs up his phone. He’s really jumpy. Checks outside all of his windows. Calls Cameron at the shop. INTERCUT:HENRI
Thank God I caught you.
(in a hushed tone, stressed out)
Trouble’s on the way. Marc and MacKay know where I am.CAMERON (V.O.)
(shocked)
Omigod. How?HENRI
Somehow Marc heard my voice on our website.
(almost out of breath)
And they know about the fair.
Everyone could be in danger.
(inhales, then speaks)
Stone told me to stay put. Too risky for me there.CAMERON
He’s right. You’d be a sitting duck. At least they don’t know where you live.
(grabs a gun from drawer)
I’m taking extra precautions. Acadia will be safe with me.HENRI (V.O.)
Thank you for everything.They hang up. Henri can’t stand still.
HENRI
Screw it!Henri quickly gets dressed. Grabs his car keys, picks up the medium-size cardboard box sitting on his chair, and heads out the door.
(Key Scene 2: PROTAGONIST FACES THEIR DILEMMA)EXT. GREENFIELD PARK – DAY
Henri parks his Subaru on the street near the park. He opens up the box on his passenger seat. Pulls out the collective parts of a dog costume: adorable Golden Retriever head, plush body suit with tail, vest, furry feet and gloves with leather paws.He gets dressed in the back seat. Puts on the dog head last. Checks his the mirror to be sure his head is on straight.
He exits the car. Tries to walks nonchalantly towards the event tent. His tail swings as he walks. He looks around, keeps his new head on a swivel.
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Lesson 21 ACT 4 begins
What I learned from this assignment is I must go back and review all outlines. I need to add a scene. I forgot about the bet that Annabelle made with Sam.
Scene INT BECCA’S SUITE DAY
Becca calls for help.
BECCA
Hey, Mom.
BECCA (CONT)
Can you wire me enough money for a plane ticket home? I want to come
home for Christmas.
She is packing her suitcase as she listens to her mom.
BECCA (CONT)
You found me a job?
She stops and sits on the bed.
BECCA (CONT)
What kind of job?
BECCA (CONT)
You’re kidding. I can’t be a waitress. I can’t remember my name!
Please wire me the money today. I will find a job when I get there.
BECCA (CONT)
Thanks, Mom. Yes. the usual place. (BEAT) Yes, I promise I will get
a job this time.
She throws the phone on the bed.
BECCA (CONT)
Who know? Maybe I will meet a rich man on the plane home!
Phone rings. It’s Jake
BECCA
Hello?
JAKE JONES
I’m sorry about what happened today in the chapel. I’m sure
you are upset.
BECCA
I knew Jill was confused. Travis and I needed more time to try
and work things out. She manipulated all of us trying to force
us back together. She is a horrible person. Travis and I agreed
to meet later in the spring without his meddling mother.
JAKE JONES
I’m glad to hear that. (BEAT) I was wondering if I could make that
investor presentation today to you.
BECCA
I just received word from home. My mother has an issue. I am
flying home for the rest of the holidays. I hate to leave this place.
I was looking forward to relaxing here during the holidays.
JAKE JONES
Merry Christmas, Becca. Can I call you sometime?
BECCA
Of course. I look forward to talking to you. Bye,
She blocks his phone number.
Jake heads to the lounge for his last concert.
JAKE JONES
Looks like I will be staying home after the holidays. I need cash.
I’ll call Becca in a few weeks. I know she’s loaded.
Scene INT LIZ’S CONDO NIGHT
Liz meets Travis’ parents and family and learns the truth.
Split phone call ANNABELLE
Hey, have you had dinner?
LIZ
I’m not hungry. Are you feeling better?
ANNABELLE
My headache is gone. Come to the café.
LIZ
I think I will stay in tonight. Thanks.
Annabelle hands her phone to Sam.
SAM
Hey, I know you are sad. You need to
come and hear this. We have new
information.
LIZ
Okay, but I can’t stay long. I’m tired.
When Liz arrived, her mom and Sam were sitting with several people. Annabelle waved her over.
ANNABELLE
Liz, I want you to meet Travis’ parents, Jill and Dan, and his
sister, Marty and her husband, Charlie.
Dan and Charlie stand and shake her hands.
JILL
Would you sit down, Sweetheart and let me explain why
Travis is on the way to Jacksonville, Florida.
Liz sat by Sam and he reached and held her hand while Jill begins her story.
JILL
This story started before Thanksgiving.
Scene INT AIRPLANE DAY
Liz is sitting in a airplane seat, preparing for take off, heading to Jacksonville, Fl.
STEWARDESS
Is this your first flight?
LIZ
(Shakes her head, no.) It’s my last flight.
STEWARDESS
It won’t be long and we will land in Jacksonville. The weather
is beautiful there. Seventy degrees.
Liz buckles her seatbelt. Puts on head phones and begins the movie.
She plays solitaire on her phone. As the plane takes off, Liz grabs the arms
of her seat. She closes her eyes.
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Sandra’s Act 4 First Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is how to show the protagonist’s reaction when she is forced to face her biggest dilemma.
ACT 3 DILEMMA: Lucy is nervous about presenting her dissertation defense in order to graduate. She just discovered that Professor Clark may be the one sabotaging her work. Now her mother is critically ill in the hospital. Lucy faces the biggest dilemma of her life. She must make a choice between career or family.
3<sup>rd</sup> ACT TURNING POINT: Lucy has been too busy to listen to the weather report and has no idea that a huge storm is approaching. It rains harder and harder. She can barely see the road. If the wind and rain aren’t bad enough, she’s rear-ended by the big black monster truck that has been following her, sending her car into the ditch.
REACTION: Lucy is shocked. Goes into panic mode. Not sure what to do. She tries to open the doors with no success. Bangs on the doors. She’s trapped and can’t get out. She begins crying and then praying. Takes her cell phone out.
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What I learned doing this assignment is to compile a separate outline document that gives me better direction in how to place the order of the scenes around the Transformational events and the Turning points. Up to lesson 20 I was trying to randomly place these additional scenes in the Beat sheet, because I was only outlining in the assignment doc.
MARK’s ACT 4 First Scenes
OUTLINE – KEY SCENE 1 – Reaction to 3rd act turning point
BEGINNING
Victoria is drawn to caring for Jensen as he fights to recover from pneumonia. She brings him soup.
MIDDLE
He calls her an angel, but he is despondent over losing his ship and now almost losng his life. He thinks he’s a failure as a captain.
END
He vows that not a single person in his charge will die. Her faith switches from a wishful dream of a flyer to him.
INT. JENSEN’S TENT -DAY
Victoria enters and relieves the other woman nurse at Jensen’s bedside.
NURSE
He’s much better today.
VICTORIA
Thank god.
Victoria looks down at him in thought. She pulls the blanket higher and sits at the bedside with hot soup.
He opens his eyes and smiles wanly.
JENSEN
Whooh. Hit me hard. You’re an angel. Never imagined I’d be laid low enough to be helped by a little lassie.
VICTORIA
And I wouldn’t make it without…your help.
JENSEN
Never had such tender care.
VICTORIA
Its high time. You can’t take responsibility for everyone.
JENSEN
I’m a failure as a captain.
I lost my ship. Now I almost lost my life. What kind of a captain is that? Now, only one thing is left to redeem me. My solemn vow. I will not lose a single person in my charge. No one will be lost…especially you.
VICTORIA
I believe you. Have some soup, Jocko. INT. JENSEN’S TENT -DAY
Victoria enters and relieves the other woman nurse at Jensen’s bedside.
NURSE
He’s much better today.
VICTORIA
Thank god.
Victoria looks down at him in thought. She pulls the blanket higher and sits at the bedside with hot soup.
He opens his eyes and smiles wanly.
JENSEN
Whooh. Hit me hard.You’re an angel. Never imagined I’d be laid low enough to be helped by a little lassie.
VICTORIA
And I wouldn’t make it without…your help.
JENSEN
Never had such tender care.
VICTORIA
Its high time. You can’t take responsibility for everyone.
JENSEN
I’m a failure as a captain.
I lost my ship. Now I almost lost my life. What kind of a captain is that? Now, only one thing is left to redeem me. My solemn vow. I will not lose a single person in my charge. No one will be lost…especially you.
VICTORIA
I believe you. Have some soup, Jocko.
He regains his spirit and smiles weakly.
He regains his spirit and smiles weakly.
Key Scene 2 – Protagonist Faces Their Dilemma
INT. ICE CAVE – DAY
BEGINNING
Drake has Victoria secured in his secret cave. She is in shock, thinking that Tony is dead. He slaps her into awareness and is compelled to tell her his goal of living in his own kingdom with her.
MIDDLE
She is terrified, traumatized and is physically powerless against him. All she can do is acquiesce. She pities him.
END
His love is warped and he begins to assault her. Instead of hitting him away, she gently touches his disfigured face. He breaks down, crying in misery.
INT. ICE CAVE – DAY
Victoria is hobbled to an ice block. Drake feeds her little morsels of food.
DRAKE
There, there, my pet. You must eat. I want you healthy.
She lies, terrified and afraid.
VICTORIA
Please tell me. The plane. Did it crash. What about the pilot? Is he alive?
DRAKE
Poor man. You see…you die if you try to leave my kingdom.
She shrinks into herself and goes into a near catatonic state. Her tortured heart dies within her.
He looks at her, confused. Frustrated, he paces, wanting more from her.
DRAKE (CONT’D)
Stop it. You’re with ME. You’re MINE now. You’re HERE.
He grabs her, wrestles her, slaps her. Still she is un responsive. He slaps twice and she comes out of the trance.
He begins to slowly nuzzle her abdomen and thighs, stroking her, awkwardly intimate, building in desire.
DRAKE (CONT’D)
At first I always wanted to be alone – on the sea, on the ice. They’re leaving. That’s good. Now I am alone – with you. Together.
VICTORIA
We can’t stay here. We’ll die.
DRAKE
What of it.
She looks down at him with sincere pity.
VICTORIA
We don’t deserve that, after everything, We’ve come so far.
She reaches out and gently touches his head. He looks up and she touches his deformed face.
He freezes. His eyes well with tears. He sobs and breaks down, crying in misery. He huddles against the wall.
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Melanie’s Act 4 First Scenes
What I learned: the story is constantly morphing and as I go along I have more ideas on how to change the beginning. Looking forward to rewriting Act 1 and 2!
Key Scenes 1 & 2 (both the Reaction and Dilemma are in the same scene)
BEGINNING: Sybil is on the side of road – hurt, tired and defeated. She’s ready to give up.
MIDDLE: A Little Girl runs up to her in admiration, offering water to her horse and saluting her as the leader of the army. She is called back home by her father but before leaving, she turns and says she wants to be like her when she grows up.
END: Sybil brushes herself out, pushes through the pain, and gets up on her horse. She will continue!
EXT. HOUSE – LATER
Suddenly the Little Girl from the farmhouse runs up to her. She carries with her a jug of water.
LITTLE GIRL
Here. This is for your horse.
Sybil smiles through her pain. The little girl offers it to Star, pouring water into her hand.
SYBIL
Thank you.
Star tries to drink some, but the water slips out between her fingers. The Little Girl looks up at Sybil, with wide impressionable eyes.
LITTLE GIRL
What’s her name?
Sybil smiles through her tears.
SYBIL
Star. And I’m Sybil.
The Little Girl rubs her hands on her dress and raises her hand, palm forward.
SYBIL
What are you doing?
LITTLE GIRL
You’re the leader, aren’t you? The leader of the army? I’m saluting you. I saw my father do that before.
SYBIL
Oh, no. Not me. I’m not a leader.
LITTLE GIRL
Well, you seem like it.
Sybil is taken by her conviction.
SYBIL
It’s really late. You should go back home and get some sleep. I wouldn’t want something to happen to you.
LITTLE GIRL
But I want to fight with you.
SYBIL
In a few years, you’ll be old enough. Until then listen to your father and do what you’re told.
LITTLE GIRL
But he’s mean.
SYBIL
I know how you feel but he’s just trying to protect you.
LITTLE GIRL
So are you going to keep going?
Sybil’s eyes cloud with emotion.
SYBIL
I…
From the distance we hear the little girl’s father calling her name. She turns and starts to run back home. But stops suddenly.
LITTLE GIRL
I want to be like you when I grow up.
As she disappears down the road, Sybil gets up. Determined now more than ever, she manages to climb back into the saddle with her hurt arm.
CUT TO:
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Fred’s Act 4 First Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that a strong dilemma will be building up as early as the midpoint. It should be a decision the protagonist makes between the lesser of two evils. Both are unfavorable outcomes but he is forced to choose one.
3rd Act Turning Point: Jin confesses to Emma that he is the same cheating bastard his father is. He has failed to reconnect his mother’s family.
Are the relationships too poor to begin with? Not enough loss?
Do they need to start more positively?
Dilemma:
Jin wanted to win support for his mother, but has failed
Now he has to destroy the relationship between his father and his relatives in order to enact revenge
It’s him vs the whole family, didn’t want to hurt his aunt or grandparents too, but now has to
Reaction:
Sticker photos? Ones of Emma, aunt, cousin, behind the new one with the cousins
He has severed his last remaining connection, besides Mom, but maybe she should
remain out of the frame?
Or now it’s just him and his mom
They have a quiet dinner with little food
Vengeful?
Storming out of Emma’s room, he finds a way to contact the mistress?
OR
He finds out about the illegitimate child at 3 TP
And his reaction is shock, remorse, pity, etc
Protagonist faces their dilemma:
Jin meets with the mistress and her son?
Does he have to meet with dad first?
Or gets the number from Emma?
Goes to slam on the apartment door, wakes up the mistress who recognizes him, and a frightened little boy who looks like him walks out
He is ashamed and shocked at the same time
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<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject line: Ricardo Williams Act 4 First Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of structure and how it all comes together to make sense.
Reaction to 3rd Act Turning Point.
JOLYN is set to achieve something that’s never been done before becoming the First African American female to own a concession stand at the Chicago O’Hare Airport. The problem is that it goes against her business philosophy of focusing on Wholesale instead of Retail. CHARLOTTE recognizes her shift in focus and lets her know it’s a bad move and a change in focus. Her mentor SAUL ABRAHAMSON sees it as an opportunity to make lots of money and get good marketing exposure.
Write Key Scene 2: Protagonist faces their Dilemma.
JOLYN faces a dilemma when the airport aviation delays the opening of her 5 concession stands by 6 months after she had them fully staffed, paying salaries, and repaying the bank loans while not generating any income from the stands.
INT. BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO BOARD ROOM – DAY – 1983
JOLYN addressing board members.
JOLYN
I am proud to announce that we have been awarded five concession stands at O’Hare Airport. We had asked for one, but they were generous enough to grant us five. It will cost us $1 million to construct, but I believe we stand to recuperate that cost because of the volume of traffic.
CHARLOTTE
I think you are trying to do too much at a time. We should focus on distribution. Retail is going to drain our resources. If we are not careful it will all come crashing down.
JOLYN
We’ve been waiting 15 years for distribution and nothing has happened. We can’t put all our eggs in one basket. We must look at alternatives.
SAUL ABRAHAMSON
Congratulations. It probably would be a good idea to strike the hammer while the iron is hot and build a franchise model to go with the concession stands.
JOLYN
I admit my heart is fluttering nervously. I am excited, but fear is flowing in my adrenaline here. But I am an entrepreneur and taking chances is what we do.
EXT. AMERICAN NATIONAL BANK LOBBY – MORNING
JOLYN pacing the lobby of the bank waiting for a loan specialist. Stipulations enforced by the CHICAGO AVIATION AGENCY has delayed the opening of the airport concession stands by 6 months. She needs a loan to offset the expenses caused by the delay. A white loan officer MR. BLAND in his twenties, approaches her to discuss her loans.
MR. BLAND
MRS. ROBICHAUX, we are very concerned with your financial statements for the last two quarters. Seems like you’ve been losing money.
JOLYN
I apologize MR. BLAND, but we were experiencing some difficulties with our airport stores that were closed due to new airport regulations. They have since resolved the issues, so things are going to improve.
MR. BLAND
So you are the CEO of the company?
JOLYN
Yes, I am.
MR. BLAND
Why, at your age would you want to run a company? My mom is your age and she stays at home taking care of her grandchildren.
JOLYN
I’m sorry MR. BLAND, but I am not your average grandma.
MR. BLAND
Tell you what MRS. ROBICHAUX, I am seeing some troubling signs in your financial statements. You’ve been bleeding cash. We also have a letter on file that alerts us about your state of mind.
JOLYN
What letter are you talking about? I’ve been a loyal customer with your bank for 15 years.
MR. BLAND
The letter we have is on your letterhead and it is signed.
JOLYN
I need a copy of that letter.
MR. BLAND hands JOLYN a copy of the letter. She stares on the signature, her eyes bulging with disbelief, the words TROY THOMAS is written in the signature box. A cold feeling of fear runs through her veins. She feels like her world has crumbled.
MR. BLAND
MRS. ROBICHAUX, I am afraid we’ll have to ask you to pay off your loans. I am giving you 6 months to do so.
JOLYN
It is impossible to pay up in 6 months with my airport stores struggling. I guess I won’t be doing business with your bank anymore. I am going to move my accounts.
EXT. LOBBY OF EXCHANGE BANK – DAY
JOLYN walks aimlessly through the lobby of EXCHANGE BANK, she is worried and conflicted when a gentleman approaches her.
MR. CARTER
Hello there. I know you. What are you doing here?
JOLYN
MR. CARTER from AMERICAN NATIONAL BANK? (JOLYN looks puzzled).
MR. CARTER
I am now the Vice President of Exchange Bank.
JOLYN
MR. CARTER in all my years of dealing with American National Bank, I have never had a problem, but today a loan officer turned down my request and called my loans. He gave me 6 months to pay them off.
MR. CARTER
What happened?
JOLYN
Our business is booming and we expanded to O’Hare Airport. We invested $1 million to build 5 concession stands and when we were about to open, the Aviation Department stalled us for 6 months. We are open now, but the delays put us in a hole when it comes to cash.
MR. CARTER
Come with me, let me look into it.
JOLYN follows MR. CARTER to his office. He closes the door behind her and offers her a seat.
INT. CARTER’S OFFICE – DAY
MR. CARTER shuffles through some files. He stops at a letter from BALDWIN ICE CREAM COMPANY.
MR. CARTER
I see the problem.
JOLYN
What problem?
MR. CARTER
MRS. ROBICHAUX, do you have a manager named PAUL THOMAS?
JOLYN
Don’t tell me you have a letter signed by him. Do you?
MR. CARTER
Yes. We have a letter on file signed by him stating that you are mentally incompetent and is forbidden from doing any business transactions under Baldwin Ice Cream Company.
JOLYN
I’ll be darned. I knew something wasn’t right? I was being turned down in all my business transactions.
MR. CARTER
He must have sent out letters to everyone you’ve done business with.
JOLYN
He is no longer with the company, but he had an insider feeding him the information. What am I supposed to do?
MR. CARTER
Those fools don’t know you as I know you. I have seen you get out of some tough scrapes and you will get out of this one. I can help you. Let me transfer your accounts to Exchange Bank. We will assume the balance of your loans and give you an additional $75,000 to help ease your burden.
JOLYN
You are such a life saver. Thank you. (She is hugging him frantically).
INT. OFFICE OF CHICAGO AVIATION AGENCY – DAY
JOLYN meets the MANAGER of Chicago Aviation Agency to discuss her plans to close the airport concession stands.
AVIATION MANAGER
MRS. ROBICHAUX, if you close your 5 stands it will look bad on you. You have been in the news for your groundbreaking accomplishments. We need you to stay.
JOLYN
No, it would look bad on you.
It makes no business sense for me to keep the locations. We are not turning in a profit and it is draining our wholesale finances. I will close the stands and accept my losses.
AVIATION MANAGER
I don’t want that kind of headline for our department. We may have a buyer if you would like to consider that option.
JOLYN
Sure. I would be happy to sell.
AVIATION MANAGER
That would be a better option. We get a lot of people inquiring about concession stands.
INT. OFFICE OF BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO – DAY
JOLYN is going through her accounting books. A Japanese gentleman is standing at her door.
MR. WU
Hello MRS. ROBICHAUX.
JOLYN
Yes. Come in. How can I help you?
MR. WU
My name is MR. WU. The Chicago Aviation Agency recommended that I speak to you. I am looking to purchase your concession stands at O’Hare Airport.
JOLYN
Are you in the ice cream business?
MR. WU
Our company sells steaks, and we are looking to expand. Would you be interested?
JOLYN
Most definitely.
MR. WU
I will need your five locations.
JOLYN
You’ve got it.
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Dave Holloway’s Act 4 First Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that writing scenes in this ‘rough draft’ way allows me to see weaknesses of logic or credibility in the scenes more clearly, since they are unobscured by a lot of detail and dialogue.
Outline Key Scene 1
BEGINNING: Nigel is overwhelmed by despair. But with Roger’s help, he decides to take action to try to free Livia. They agree to walk to the prison.
MIDDLE: As they walk, they see their images reproduced on video screens, captured by unseen cameras. They notice many white polite cars driving past.
END: They reach the prison. Nigel says they shouldn’t spend much time looking at it, as there could be cameras recording them, and loitering about the prison could look suspicious. He also says they shouldn’t speak very loud to each other, as there could be unseen microphones. As they decide to return to the hotel, they see a handcuffed prisoner led out of the prison by two cops. They take him to their police car and drive off.
Outline Key Scene 2
BEGINNING: As they walk back to the hotel, Nigel tells Roger seeing the two cops escort the prisoner from the prison to their car has given him an idea. Roger asks what it is, but Nigel says they’ll talk about it in their room. He doesn’t want unseen microphones to pick up their conversation.
MIDDLE: They arrive at the hotel. Nigel decides they should walk into its underground parking garage. Once there, he looks around and says he doubts there are cameras in the garage, as there are in the street.
END: Nigel walks toward the darkest corner of the garage, and asks Roger to stand watch for him, 40 feet away, if anyone approaches. Nigel pulls out his pocket knife, which has a screwdriver accessory. He uses it to take the license plates off a car in the corner. He takes the plates to the car they stole when they entered Shiloh. He removes that car’s plates, puts the other set on, then puts the plates from the stolen car on the car in the corner. He explains to Roger that if they are stopped driving the next day, he doesn’t want the cops to know they’re driving a stolen car, since the car’s owner has probably reported it stolen.
Key Scene 1
Nigel’s head is bowed in despair.
ROGER: Come on, mate. We’re aren’t beaten, yet. Let’s figure out how we’re going to free her.
Nigel lifts his head.
NIGEL: You’re right, Rog. Time to buck up.
He’s quiet for a moment.
NIGEL: Let’s take a walk to the hotel. Clerk at the front desk told me it’s only four blocks from here.
They rise and walk out the door.
EXT. SHILOH STREETS – DAY
They walk along the Shiloh streets. The few pedestrians they pass all have their heads bowed. Everyone looks depressed. They see, on large video screens to the side of the road, their images as they walk along, captured by unseen cameras. Roger looks at them.
ROGER: Look at that. You’re recorded every bloody moment you’re in public.
NIGEL: So you know they’ve always got their eye on you.
ROGER: Fucking fascists.
They approach the prison.
NIGEL: Best not stand around outside the prison too long. Probably recording us, and it’ll look like we’re up to something if we loiter about this place.
ROGER: Right. Let’s just walk past it and turn around.
Nigel looks at it.
NIGEL: Bloody monstrous place. Looks impregnable.
ROGER: Not for two stalwart English lads.
They turn around and walk past the prison. Two cops escort a handcuffed prisoner from the prison to their police car, place him inside and drive away. Roger and Nigel keep walking.
NIGEL: Seeing those cops bring that bloke out of the prison and take him away gives me an idea.
ROGER: What is it?
NIGEL: Don’t want to talk about it out here. Never know if there are microphones around, to go with the cameras.
They approach the hotel.
NIGEL: Want to take a walk into the parking garage to check something.
They walk down into the dimly lit, underground garage. Nigel looks around.
NIGEL: Doubt there are cameras in here like there are on the street. This would be the place to do something secretive.
Nigel walks toward a distant, dark corner of the garage.
NIGEL: Stand watch for me, Rog. In case anyone comes in.
Roger nods. Nigel pulls out his pocket knife and takes out a screwdriver accessory. He kneels and unscrews the license plates from a car in the corner. He takes the plates over to their stolen car in another part of the garage, takes its plates off, puts the plates from the other car on, then walks to the other car and puts the plates from the stolen car on it. He stands.
NIGEL: I imagine the bloke we stole that car from has reported it stolen. If we’re stopped by the cops tomorrow, don’t want them knowing we’re driving a stolen car.
He nods at Roger, and the two of them walk out of the garage.
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Janeen’s Act 4 First Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that I hadn’t clearly defined these events in my beat sheet and needed to go back and make room for them in the plotting.
INT. JYM’S OFFICE – NIGHT
ACT 4
CAM enters Jym’s office.CAM You’re been hiding
What’s wrong?
JYM Were you here when
morning?
Cam breaks into a lazy grin.CAM No, but I heard he
out here all day.
Ben came in this
tried to rip you a new one and Ashley stepped in.
You’re rubbing off on her.
74.
JYM
No, I don’t care about the fact thathe lit into me. It’s that he might be right.
CAM
How so?
JYM
Ben has always been the researcherin the family. He does everything by the book and researches it to the Nth degree.
CAM
So? Have you done your homework onthe diets?
He gestures to her white board covered with info and the stacks of books and papers on/around her desk.
JYM Yes, you know I did.
CAM
And is it working? Yes, it is. Ofcourse it is, Jym. Just look at MEMBER1. Ashley. You.
Jym relaxes a little in her chair, but is still unsure.
JYM
People are still having a lot ofproblems with the diets, the costs, the time it takes, their families.
CAM So get to work.
Cam does the “you’ve got this” gesture and leaves her office.
INT. JYM’S GYM – MORNING
JYM is doing an early morning workout.
ASHLEY enters the gym and immediately begins her morning straightening and cleaning routine. Jym comes over.
JYM How are you doing?
ASHLEY
Great. I dropped the kids off a fewminutes early so here I am.
75.
JYM
Are you and Ben okay?Ashley smiles broadly.
ASHLEY
Of course. As long as there’s lustin the world, Ben and I will be just fine.
JYM No, really.
ASHLEY
We video chatted last night. Hecommented that the house was “tidier” than he’d seen it in a while.
JYM
He critiques your housekeeping?ASHLEY
Never, ever negatively. He wouldnever complain, but he could tell I’ve been feeling better. My housekeeping is like a window into how I’m doing.
Jym grabs a rag and helps her wipe down some equipment, letting her speak at will.
ASHLEY (CONT’D)
You know, I never really noticedthat I was doing more. You know how you don’t notice when things get messy and then one day you go, how did that happen?
JYM
Every time I walk in my office.They laugh.
ASHLEY
Well after he said that about thehouse I looked around and realized that I’ve been doing a lot of picking up and cleaning just while moving around the house. I didn’t get up one day and decide to do spring cleaning or anything, but as I felt better, I started picking up something out of place every time I left a
room or grabbing the vacuum and doing(MORE)
76.
ASHLEY (CONT’D)
a room here an there. I guess whenI started feeling better I started noticing things I should do and just taking care of them — all automatically.
JYM
If you can bottle that, you can makea fortune. They laugh again.
ASHLEY
I think I’ve lost some more weight —tomorrow is my weigh-in day — and I know I’ve gained health. No matter what Ben thinks, I’m not going back to that awful PriPack diet — or anything else I don’t pick out myself. I like what I’m doing now.
JYM
I thought you liked the PriPack food.ASHLEY
I did too until I started eatingfresh whole foods again. I tried one of my PriPack favorites the other day and it tasted awful. Real food only, please.
JYM
Come to the office with me for minute.INT. JYM’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
ASHLEY How can I help?
JYM
I need help developing and refininglow cost menus and shopping lists that people on SNAP or WIC can afford. Sorting through recipes and finding stuff kids and teens will like takes up more time than most of the clients here can afford.
ASHLEY That sounds like fun.
77.
JYM
I could also use some help puttingtogether some intro materials and handouts.
ASHLEY
I don’t have to try the recipes, doI?
JYM
No, you don’t. Some recipes, likethe ones in Mrs. Beeton’s book, give you an idea of how expensive they are — relatively speaking since her prices are about a hundred and
fifty years out of
ASHLEY Yeah, probably not
JYM Others, like these
date.
current.
Trim Healthy Mama books give you an indication of
whether the recipe is pricey or not. The good thing about their cookbooks is that between the two sisters who wrote them, they have seventeen kids.
Ashley is shocked.
JYM (CONT’D)
Yeah. Seventeen. Anyway, all theirrecipes are kid-tested and they really do taste good. Like their pancakes? Fabulous! You’d never know they
were packed with protein and verylow glycemic. Plus, they don’t absorb syrup like a sponge so you use less. They’ve got a bunch of things like that.
ASHLEY
So what do you want me to do?JYM
Basically, find quick and easy recipes —not too many ingredients and most of them easy to find in the local store. Put together some menus, a list of staples for each menu and then the list of specifics for each recipe so people can decide what they want to make and head for the store without a lot of hassle. Something they can take with them would be great.
78.
ASHLEY
This sounds like fun! I’ve beenlooking for more ways to help around here and this way, I can say I’m doing research for you whenever someone catches me reading one of the books.
The chuckle.
MONTAGE BEGIN:
INT. JYM’S GYM – DAY
This montage shows two months of progress.
JYM works in her office on menus and handouts.
ASHLEY loses more weight for a total of thirty pounds or more by the end of the montage.
MEMBER1 gushes to Ashley after a class.
MEMBER2 is assisted by Ashley at the diet corner. CAM eyes Jym lustily.
Ashley takes a non-glucose-depleting class regularly. Ashley corrects MARTA’s form on one of the machines. MEMBER3 pops her head in Jym’s officeMEMBER3
My kids just love the pancakes andthe goulash too. Those recipes are the best.
Jym smiles and gives a thumbs up.
According to the schedule, Ashley is leading a couple of the classes.
Jym hands Ashley a paycheck. INT. BEN’S OFFICE – NIGHT
BEN’s calendar shows he will spend every weekend for two months at a conference in a different city. Sometimes delivering a paper, others on a panel, others say ‘Meet & Greet’.
Ben has progressively more books, papers and studies in his office as the montage continues.
79.
He pores over books at night, selecting one study after another cited in one of the diet books to peruse.
He greets people with a smile each weekend while standing next to UNCLE JEROME in a different city (per the signage) every weekend.
Ben’s board and notebooks and spreadsheets contain notes with titles like “Efficacy of Method”, “Trial Size”, “Date”, “Diversity of Participants”, “Number of Males”, “Number of Females”, etc. He inspects lengthy package insert material on the PDR website focusing on side effects and long term effects, frowning as he does so.
Ben’s research leads him to trials that support the diets that Jym and Ashley have already found that work. He crosses off the medicines and, in the end, adds to his board:
1. Medications do not stop decline – only slow it.
2. Low carb and low glycemic diets work to reverse it.3. Exercise that rapidly depletes blood glucose causes blood sugar dips. Low intensity exercise is preferred. — CHECK THIS!!!
MONTAGE END:
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Gayle’s Act 4 First Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that I have a tendency to overcomplicate things and I should simply outline the major events with the beginning – middle – end then write the scenes then do the same with the connective tissue scenes.
Outline Key Scenes 1 & 2
3<sup>rd</sup> Act TP – Josie walks out with the Djinn taking over her body
Dilemma – How to get Josie back and save her, themselves and the world
Reaction – Rick goes to their original book and reads the incantation that summoned the Djinn to them
Write Key Scene 1: Reaction to Act 3 TP
INT. LIVING ROOM
Rick and Samantha gather everyone to make sure they’re all right then lament how to get the Djinn without killing Josie.
CAROLINE: It’s going to kill us all.
SAMANTHA: We’ll bring it back.
NURSE: What about your friend? Is she… dead?
SAMANTHA: I don’t think so. When we captured it, it was inhabiting an 8 year old girl. She killed several people at her school under his possession, but when we found her, she was playing jacks – something she did every day.
CAROLINE: Maybe that’s how we find her. What’s something your friend does every day?
Samantha recalls how the Djinn killed several people in his way when he was taking over the little girl’s body.
Rick remembers it was in the movie.
RICK: Not jacks. Hopscotch.
SAMANTHA: No I remember, she was teaching the Djinn jacks. It was changed to hopscotch in the movie.
NURSE: It’s not the time to congratulate yourself, Rick. Cowboy is dead. Your friend is in danger.
RICK: The movie. Was based on the book. Your story, Sam.
He runs out. Where’s he going?
Write Key Scene 2: Protagonist faces their dilemma
INT. BASEMENT OFFICE
Rick searches through Sam’s original manuscript and tosses papers all around. Until he finds the right chapter.
SAMANTHA: What are you doing?
RICK: Your original manuscript. You wrote out the entire sequence verbatim
SAMANTHA: I did?
RICK: And you know what else you did?
SAMANTHA: Is it good?
RICK: You recorded it.
Suddenly, Samantha’s eyes bulge as if recollecting an amazing memory.
SAMANTHA: I recorded it. Because I record everything!
She unlocks a file drawer and pulls out a video tape with DJINN and the date 10 years ago.
INT. FOYER
Rick, Samantha, Caroline, Nurse and the Twins gather for a formal ritual similar to the one in the opening scene. This time Rick does perform the rite by doing exactly as Samantha does in the original video.
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Aline’s Act 4 First Scenes
I have been overwhelmed with the extra layers I have been thinking of and lost focus on ACT 3. Some of the scenes became treatment language but I decided to “keep moving” despite the fog. This exercise today guided my thinking into asking the right questions to continue the journey and stay in the moment with the characters. Thank you!
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Bob Colley – Act 4 First Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is I have rewrite with more action language.
THE KEY SCENES OF ACT 4
Key Scene 1: Reaction to 3rd Act Turning Point.
EXT. CAVE ENTRANCE – NIGHT
As Kyle walks John by gunpoint toward Cynthia both are lit up with red dots of laser sights.
CYNTHIA
Check that.
A guard next to Cynthia mikes to the others at the launch truck to stand down.
Kyle stops John in front of Cynthia.
KYLE
Cyn.
John’s eyes burn a hole in Kyle.
JOHN
Cyn? Fuck, Cyn?
KYLE
Yes actually. You were just a side hustle.
John tilts his head toward the rock face and is hit in the face realizing that her army was cardboard cutouts holding guns – the Mayor, the police chief, people from city council, celebrities.
CYNTHIA
Down dog.
Kyle raps John on the top of the head with the butt of his revolver and John falls to his knees.
CYNTHIA
Sheriff Saxon.
Key Scene 2: Protagonist faces their Dilemma.
Cynthia takes a couple of steps closer to John forcing him to look up at her.
CYNTHIA
You killed my husband and child, so I
killed your town. My one thousand drones
are programmed with the GPS coordinates of the
targets in Seattle and soon each will be fitted with a kilo of C4.
KYLE
This is going to be dope.
John bends his head down and slowly nods back and forth. He looks over at Kyle.
JOHN
But you were helping me try to kill her at the
construction site by lifting me up with
the crane.
KYLE
I knew you were afraid of heights and figured
you’d fall. And how much wind do you think a
personal drone makes to sway a load of bricks?
I was shaking the load back and forth but you
held on tighter that a baby on a tit.
JOHN
But you shot one of your own guys.
KYLE
Freddie. I always hated him.
CYNTHIA
Loyal but what a slime ball. I’m glad you shot him.
KYLE
He stuck is head out to wave “Hi” and bam one to the skull.
From around the corner headlights come into view as a 5-tom cube van slows as it approaches the site.
CYNTHIA
Our truck with the C4 has arrived.
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