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Post Your Lesson 24 Assignment Here
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Dale’s Filled In Missing Scenes!
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of scenes that add each to the one before, enhancing the flow of the story.
Missing Scenes:
INT. UNIVERSITY / ELIZABETH’S HOME – DAY/EVENING
Richard goes looking for Elizabeth. Barbara tells him she went hom with a stomach ache. Later, Richard leaves her a message that he can bring her chicken soup and they need to talk.
INT. PRENTISS UNIVERSITY – LECTURE HALL – DAY
Philip is filling in for Elizabeth since she is home with the “flu.”INT. PRENTISS UNIVERSITY –
INT. PRENTISS UNIVERSITY – VARIOUS / ELIZABETH’S
HOMERichard keeps trying to call Elizabeth, but her phone is often turned off. At one point, though, she will turn it back on as she struggles with her feelings.
INT. PRENTISS UNIVERSITY – FACULTY LOUNGE – DAY
There is a scene between Philip and Richard in which Philip figures out what’s happening between Richard and Elizabeth.
INT. RICHARD’S OFFICE – DAY
Scene between Barbara and Richard in which she tells him he has to back off – for Elizabeth’s sake.
INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – DAY AND EVENING
Elizabeth checks her now turned-on phone and is surprised and worried when there are now no new messages from Richard.
DRAFT OF MISSING SCENES:
INT. UNIVERSITY CAFETERIA
Richard sticks his head in, looking for Elizabeth. She is not there.
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE ELIZABETH’S OFFICE
Richard arrives at Elizabeth’s office door and knocks. No response. He tries the door, it is locked.
EXT. UNIVERSITY GROUNDS – DAY
Richard sees Barbara walking toward the Anthro building. He stops her.
RICHARD
Hello Professor Biden.
BARBARA
Why hello, Richard.
RICHARD
Have you, by chance, seen Elizabeth?
BARBARA
I saw her earlier. She was complaining of a stomach ache. She went home early.
RICHARD
Oh.
BARBARA
Anything I should be aware of?
RICHARD
What? No, no. Just wondering.
BARBARA
Okay then.
But she watches him, suspiciously, as he walks away.
INT. ELIZABETH DREWER’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Elizabeth is dressed in worn out sweats. The television is on, but the volume has been turned off. She is randomly clicking stations with her remote, but not really concentrating on anything.
The phone rings. She starts! She looks at the caller.
ON PHONE which reads: Richard Amado
She doesn’t answer, but when it beeps that there is a message, she hesitates a moment, then plays that message back.
RICHARD
Hello, Elizabeth. You’ve been home sick now for a couple of days. I wish you’d answer. Let me come over and bring you chicken soup, okay? I’m really good at TLC. We can talk. We really should talk…
She switches her phone off, turns the volume up on the TV and keeps flipping channels.
INT. STANTON UNIVERSITY – LECTURE HALL
Philip walks onto stage from wings, rather harried. He sets his notes on the lectern and addresses the class:
PHILIP
Good afternoon, everyone. I apologize for the missed lectures, but I’m going to fill in now until Dr. Drewer is better and we’ll see if we can get you caught up.
ON STUDENTS
Several hands have shot up.
BACK TO PHILIP
PHILIP
I know you have a lot of questions. But why don’t we just push through here and I’ll try to stay after class for a minute or two, all right? Good. …Well, I see your learned professor began a unit on Hegel before the flu laid her low. So let’s continue, shall we, by looking at Hegel’s theory of Dialectic, which explores what happens when you have an unbearable tension of opposites.
INT. RICHARD’S CLASS – DAY
Richard is finishing up his discussion group. He doesn’t have the enthusiasm he usually has.
RICHARD
All right. Make sure to turn in your papers on Hegel’s Political Theories by Friday.
And he packs up his briefcase and exits quickly before any students can ask him anything.
INT. STANTON UNIVERSITY – FACULTY LOUNGE – DAY
Richard is sitting with a coffee in front of him, staring, disinterested, into space. Philip enters.
PHILIP
Hello, Richard.
RICHARD
Professor Monohan.
PHILIP
Wow, you don’t look so hot. Not coming down with the flu as well, I hope?
RICHARD
No.
PHILIP
Any word about Elizabeth… Dr. Drewer’s return?
Richard does not respond.
PHILIP
Not to complain, but this is not the easiest thing in the world for me, having to carry the burden of my classes and hers as well.
RICHARD
Hmmm?
PHILIP
Are you listening to me?
RICHARD
Sure.
PHILIP
Well then, let me repeat my question. You wouldn’t by chance know when Professor Drewer is coming back?
RICHARD
No. Why should I?
PHILIP
No reason. I just thought, as her T.A., you might be privy to more information than I have.
RICHARD
Well I’m not!
PHILIP
Fine. A little touchy, aren’t we?
RICHARD
Sorry. Maybe I’m not feeling so great.
PHILIP
Well, I’m a little off balance myself. It’s a damnable thing, really, Liz being gone. Even temporarily. It’s like the center has dropped out of our department. Not that I’m always crazy about having her around, mind you. Well, you would know, she being your advisor and all…
RICHARD
Know what?
PHILIP
Well! How she can be a little… Demanding. Exacting. Perfectionistic to the hilt.
RICHARD
I hadn’t noticed.
PHILIP
You hadn’t–? I know you admire her, Richard, but I didn’t expect you had blinders on!
RICHARD
I think she’s… great.
PHILIP
Oh, now that really surprises me. Considering how she’s had to rein you in. I thought you’d be chomping at her bit by now.
RICHARD
I did a little at first. But it’s for my own good. And it’s a gentle bit.
PHILIP
Excuse me, but are we talking about the same Elizabeth Drewer.
RICHARD
Yeah, well, that’s where I think people go wrong with her. They confuse her intellectual rigor with restriction. I find it stimulating actually.
PHILIP
You do? Stimulating?
RICHARD
Yes.
PHILIP
Interesting choice of words.
RICHARD
Well, all right then, invigorating. Challenging.
PHILIP
No, “stimulating” is just fine. …Curious. She seems to find your presence every bit as… stimulating.
RICHARD
So? We… have a good rapport.
PHILIP
Yes… an exceptionally good rapport.
RICHARD
What are you getting at?
PHILIP
(really dawning on him)
My God, I should have wondered about this before!
RICHARD
What?
PHILIP
I mean, hell, I’m the expert, I know the signs. But still, could it be possible? …Elizabeth?!
RICHARD
Professor Monohan, I–!
PHILIP
Geez, if this is true… no wonder she’s home sick! She’d be way out of her depth, here!
RICHARD
I have no idea what you’re talking about!
PHILIP
…Oh, my boy, what have you done?
RICHARD
Professor, I don’t know what you think you know!
PHILIP
Oh, I think you do. It’s all beginning to make sense now… Her unusual enthusiasm for you, her changes in behavior…
(beat)
How far has it gone?
(beat)
No, no! Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know!
(beat)
How far has it gone?
RICHARD
I think I’d better go!
PHILIP
Yes, yes, you’d better. The less said and all that…
(more to himself)
My God… Elizabeth Drewer!
RICHARD
Professor. Whatever you– you wouldn’t…!
PHILIP
Oh, no! Your secret’s safe with me. …Of course… you better pray I don’t get called in front of some committee.
RICHARD
What?
PHILIP
Never mind. Don’t worry. Go. Go!
Richard quickly walks out of the faculty lounge. Philip shakes his head in continued amazement as well as a certain glee.
INT. ELIZABETH DREWER’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Elizabeth takes out her cell phone, stares at it, then puts it down. She then, purposefully, picks the phone up again, and…
CLOSE ON PHONE
As Elizabeth turns the cell phone off.
INT. STANTON UNIVERSITY – RICHARD’S OFFICE – DAY
Richard takes out his cell phone, looks for messages, and finds none.
CLOSE ON PHONE
As Richard goes to Elizabeth’s number and keys it in. It goes directly to:
ELIZABETH (V.O.)
You have reached the cell phone of Elizabeth Drewer. Please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I am able.
Richard ends the call. He tries another number (her home number) and gets the message:
ELIZABETH (V.O.)
You have reached the home of Elizabeth Drewer. Leave a message. Thank you.
INT. RICHARD’S OFFICE – DAY
Richard stares at the phone a moment, then puts it back in his jacket, grabs his briefcase and leaves his office.
INT. ELIZABETH DREWER’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Elizabeth comes out of her kitchen, a glass of water in her hand. She looks lost, almost bereft. She looks at her cell phone, places her hand on it, letting it linger there a moment, then slowly…
CLOSE ON PHONE
As she turns the phone back on.
INT. STANTON UNIVERSITY – RICHARD’S OFFICE – DAY
The office door is open. Richard sits at his desk, staring, unseeing, at the papers there.
Barbara appears at the door. She lightly taps on the door frame.
Richard looks up.
RICHARD
Professor Biden.
BARBARA
May I speak with you?
RICHARD
Yes. Come in.
Barbara enters and takes a seat.
BARBARA
Look, Richard. I’ll cut to the chase. I had a long talk with Elizabeth. I know what’s going on.
RICHARD
You do?
BARBARA
Yes.
RICHARD
Oh my God, how is she? I’ve been trying to call her all week! But her voice mail always comes on.
BARBARA
Richard, you need to give her some breathing space.
RICHARD
Why? It’s absurd what she’s expecting us to do! How are we supposed to just stop cold?
BARBARA
I don’t know. But I do know, if you push the issue right now, it could do more harm than good.
RICHARD
Professor Biden, can’t you just tell her I want to talk to her?
BARBARA
She doesn’t want to talk to you. Not right now. She has to sort this out.
RICHARD
Sort out what, exactly?
BARBARA
Well, to begin with, what happened to the person she thought she was!
RICHARD
She’s still that person.
BARBARA
I’m not so sure about that! …And besides, Richard, this relationship is not exactly taking place in a vacuum. I mean, if anyone at this college got wind of what was going on…
Richard suddenly looks worried.
BARBARA
Richard? …What?
RICHARD
I was talking earlier with Professor Monohan…
BARBARA
Philip…?!
RICHARD
I don’t know how, but he… knows!
BARBARA
…Oh, no. Oh, God!
RICHARD
What?
BARBARA
You didn’t know? He’s been having an affair with a student. Liz has been trying to get him to report it. Telling him he needs to follow faculty rules to the T.
RICHARD
You’re kidding! …But he was being really… He was sympathetic!
BARBARA
That’s because he’s been there, my dear! But if push comes to shove, who knows! …Oh, this is not good. This is not good at all.
RICHARD
So what do we do?
BARBARA
You do what she’s already said. You stop it, now.
RICHARD
But I love her!
BARBARA
That may well be. But look what you are asking of her – to sneak around with you! To deceive people!
RICHARD
Yes, if we have to!
BARBARA
And she would go through every day knowing she was a hypocrite.
RICHARD
Not a hypocrite, true to her heart.
BARBARA
Which will have betrayed her head.
A beat. This starts to sink in for Richard.
BARBARA
…Who is it you think you fell in love with, Richard? The woman or the philosopher?
RICHARD
Both!
BARBARA
Well, you mess with one, baby, I assure you it will reverberate through the other!
ON RICHARD
His face pensive…
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Aleta Rafton’s Filled in Missing Scenes
I learned that my story has lots of problems
Full story
The Forgotten Ornament
Character Names
Stepdad- Hank
Mom- Julie
Boy- Jack
Dog – Shadow
Firefighter dad – Elliott
ACT 1
Interior Living room with Christmas Tree, TV Christmas show on, New Year’s Eve
Opening Scene: Closeup on hands of Stepdad applying tracking device locator he invented and then extremely carefully wrapping each ornament in bubble wrap and placing in storage box. Moves on to next ornament. Christmas music playing on TV show.
Widens scene to see grandpa asleep in chair watching Christmas movie. Mom is packing away ornaments in small boxes before putting them in large storage containers. Stepdad on ladder taking ornaments off tree and carefully wrapping them after applying tracker disc. Tells stepdad how much she appreciates him helping take ornaments off the tree. He mentions how much he hopes Jack likes the drone and maybe he’ll start to like him too. She mentions they need to get changed soon for the costume party.
Hank climbs down from ladder walks over to table with little boxes for ornaments, tracker dots. He carefully applies tracker dot to a discreet spot on one ornament at a time and then meticulously double wraps each ornament in bubble wrap.
Hank
Uh, I may need more bubble wrap.
(Hank almost falls over the dog as he gets off the ladder)
Jack
What a klutz!
Julie
No problem. I have lots more in the kitchen. You are doing the best job packing the ornaments up. They’ve never been treated so well! This is the best Christmas ever!
Jack
(Mutters) What a loser! Overwrapping everything. My dad would never waste so much time….(says out loud) Forgot something upstairs (leaves room, runs upstairs)
Hank
I feel like I’m losing with him. I try so hard but I don’t hold a candle next to his memory of his dad. I’m nothing like him. I really hoped he’d love the drone I gave him for Christmas and start to maybe like me.
Julie
Give him time. It will get better. You’re just really different from his dad but that’s what I love about you!
(Julie glances over at grandpa asleep)
I hope my dad is up for watching Jack when we go out and it’s not too much for him.
Scene 2 Jack’s bedroom on call with friend, flying drone in room showing friend on zoom, window open, Christmas music in background. Shadow is lying on bed
Friend
Jack that drone is sooo cool! Your stepdad is the best.
Jack
No! He’s the biggest nerd all the time but the drone is cool. He worries about everything! Always uptight, afraid everything will go wrong. So annoying! Ugh I can’t stand him! He thinks he’s so smart and can control everything. But he’s so wimpy. He spends all his time on the computer! He’s even made this weird tracking device and he’s putting tracking dots all over everything in the house. Such a nerd. Complete opposite of my dad!
Friend
He seems nice enough. Well at least you have the drone.
Jack
Other than that, this was the worst Christmas ever!
(Jack is flying the drone to hover close to Shadow who starts chasing it around the room jumping all over things but always just missing catching it)
Friend
This is hilarious! Your dog is just going crazy. I want one of these to play with my cat!
Jack
I know! Shadow loves this! He can play for hours.
Friend
(You hear his phone ring and it’s his his mother calling him)
Got to go. My mom’s calling me
Jack
See you.
(Jack shuts down zoom call, keeps flying drone around room, then hears garbage truck through open window, stops drone and goes to look out window with Shadow to see the truck picking up discarded Christmas trees on the opposite side of the street, trees haven’t been picked on his side of street yet. Leaves the window and picks up bedside photo of him with his dad holding the firetruck ornament from their last Christmas together 4 years ago. Stares at it remembering his dad. Climbs on the bed and dog jumps up to lay beside him. Shadow licks Jack’s face and Jack hugs Shadow)
Shadow
Barks at garbage truck
Jack
You’re the best!
(Jack jumps up and starts playing fetch with the dog tossing a dog toy around the room)
Scene 3
Living Room Living Room, Hank still removing ornaments, tagging with tracker and double wrapping ornaments. Hank and Julie now dressed for costume New Year’s Eve Party with Hank as Indians Jones with whip and Julie as his female sidekick. Grandpa half asleep watching Christmas show on TV
Hank
(singing) Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree…
Julie
Jack! We need you to come down here. We’ll be leaving soon.
(Jack comes downstairs into living room with Shadow and throws a dog toy onto sleeping grandpa by mistake. Shadow jumps on him to get toy and licks his face waking him up)
Jack
Still at it, Hank? You just might finish by next Christmas! If ever (under his breath) Ok Mom. What’s up?
Grandpa chuckles
Maybe not!
Julie
Hey. I need you to help grandpa with the dishes after dinner. Make sure he takes his meds and let Shadow out before you go to bed. OK? I’m going to fix your dinners right. (she goes to kitchen)
Jack
Sure Mom, no problem. Wow, Mom, Hank seems really to be struggling with the ornaments. Is he ok? (Jack goes to help Hank take ornaments down)
Hank
Hey Jack. How’s the drone?
Jack
It’s ok.
Hank
I thought you’d really like it.
(Hank reaches for the firetruck ornament and Jack screams and Hank jumps back)
Jack
Don’t touch that! That’s mine. What’s the matter with you? (Jack applies tracking dot to it while it’s hanging on tree)
Scene 4 Kitchen
(Julie calls Hank to kitchen)
Julie
Hank can you reach this for me?
Hank
What was that about?
Julie
That’s the last Christmas gift from his dad. That firetruck means a lot to him
Hank
Sorry. No wonder he’s so upset. I feel like I can’t do anything right!
Scene 5 Living room
(To undermine Hank’s relationship with mom, when no one is looking Jack deliberately breaks an ornament Hank had carefully wrapped to prove his overwrapping is stupid. Julie and Hank come back into living room to keep removing ornaments and packing them away.)
Jack
Hey, one of the ornaments broke! Guess all your wrapping didn’t help did it? Kind a waste of time, huh?
Hank
Hmm. Wonder how that happened (obviously suspicious of how it broke)
Julie
Oh, that’s a shame but it’s so great that you’re being so careful with all these. Some are from when I was a kid! (she kisses Hank on the cheek while Jack watches and makes a face. Hank smiles at Julie making an effort to ignore Jack’s faces and comments)
(Jack eyes the tracking device controller on table and while everyone is busy, he secretly removes the batteries from the device so it won’t work and puts them in his pocket.He calls out to Hank to prove his device works.)
Jack
Hey Hank, does this thing really work? Let’s see…
(Hank grabs the device to turn it on but BREAKING NEWS comes on TV so he puts it in his pocket. Julie turns to watch the TV and unknowingly knocks the small box that the firetruck ornament belongs in under the table. They all stop what they are doing, move over closer to the tv to watch the story about the escaped lion which was formerly a trained circus lion for a few minutes.)
Grandpa
Wow. Well Look at that!
Julie
Might be kind of a big deal
Hank
How are they ever going to catch an escaped lion? Way to start the new year!
(Julie’s cell rings. It’s a frantic call from the local news studio where she is a producer)
Julie
Can’t believe this. They want me to come in right now! I promise I’ll be back for the party. I’ll just have to meet you there. I promise! Sorry guys. Be good jack. Bye. Thanks, Hank for understanding.
(Julie gives Hank another kiss on cheek. She rushes out the door for the studio to cover the story. Jack starts playing fetch with the dog throwing a dog toy across the room. Dog toy lands on grandpa who once again fell asleep. Shadow jumps on him to get toy. Hank takes the rest of the ornaments down, wraps them and when he’s out of small storage boxes, he believes the job is done. He packs up the large ornament storage box with the small boxes, seals it up and removes the tree from its stand.)
Hank
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree… I’m finished with the tree.
Jack
Finally. Took you forever!
Julie
Thanks so much, babe. Really appreciate it.
Hank
Well. I’m going to take it out front for the garbage truck. Got to hurry. I think they’re just about here.
(Hank struggles to carry the tree out the front door practically tripping, drops it and has to pick it up again)
Jack muttering
My dad could this one hand
(Hank overhears jack but ties to ignore his cutting comment)
Grandpa
Yeah he sure could
Scene 6: Street in front of house
Hank struggles to drag the tree to the curb unaware that the firetruck ornament is still hanging on the tree for the garbage pickup. He sets the tree down just as he sees the garbage truck is coming on their side of the street picking up discarded Christmas trees. Stepdad stands self-satisfied watching as garbage truck picks up their tree. Then he starts heading back to the house
Hank
Wow! Glad that’s done!s
Scene 7: Living Room, grandpa dozing, Hank putting away the large Christmas Storage boxes into the hall closet still singing Oh Christmas Tree. Christmas show back on playing Christmas music. Jack picks up a dog toy and throws it around the room several times. Dog fetches and brings balk to keep playing the game.
Then Jack throws the toy and it lands under the table this time. The dog is under the table for a while.
Jack
Go get it! What are you doing under the table?
(The dog finds the empty firetruck box under the table and brings it out wanting to play. Boy realizes his favorite ornament must still be on the tree.)
Jack
Oh no!( screaming) You idiot!! Hank I hate you! You did this on purpose!!!! You hate my dad and you hate me!!!! You are so stupid!!
(Hank drops the box he was loading into the closet wondering what is going on and why Jack is so mad. Then he sees the dog with the firetruck box in his mouth. Dog drops the small empty box.)
Hank
Jack, I’m so sorry. I thought all the ornaments were off the tree. All the boxes were filled…
Grandpa
Think you’ve made a fine mess of things. Poor kid. He loved his dad so much.
(Grandpa gets up and goes to door and stands there looking out. Hank hesitates for a moment then runs out the front door after Jack)
Scene 8: Street in front of house, sunset
(Jack runs out front into the middle of the street to see the garbage truck driving off with tree and ornament hanging off back. Jack runs after the truck. Dog follows. Hank sees them and runs after the truck too. Then stops seeing he can’t catch it)
Hank (yelling)
Jack! Come back!
Scene 9: Inside the garbage truck, dusk
Driver has headphones on and is rocking out and can’t hear Jack or Hank yelling and keeps driving away
Act 2 Reaction to Turning Point 1
Key Scene 1
Exterior Street in front of house dusk
Hank is running as fast as he can down the street after Jack who is chasing the garbage truck with his favorite Christmas ornament dangling off the tree hanging off the back of the truck.
Beginning: Hank chases Jack for the length of the entire block
Hank
Jack, wait for me! Wait! Stop!
Jack yelling at the driver of the garbage truck
Stop! Stop!
Inside the garbage truck has on headphones and is till rocking out and can’t hear Jack or Hank
Exterior street dusk Jack has stopped chasing the garbage truck. Out of breath Hank comes up to him
Hank
I am so sorry Jack. I just can’t believe this happened. All the boxes were filled.
Jack
You and your stupid boxes!! You can’t do anything right!
Hank
Really, I was just trying to do everything perfect to prevent problems
Jack
Well, that worked out really well! Instead you created the biggest problem ever!! Good job, Hank!
Hank
Look I can buy you a new firetruck. It will be OK,
JackNo, it won’t be OK. It will never be ok again! You have wrecked my life! Don’t you get it? How dumb are you? That was the last thing my dad gave me ever!!!!! You can’t replace it! Ever!
(Hank stands in the street frozen as dusk turns to night. He can’t decide what to do. His careful cautious ways don’t work)
Act 2
Key Scene 2
Exterior street night with garbage truck fading into distance
Beginning: Grandpa pulls up in motorcycle sidecar with Shadow riding in it.
Grandpa
Hop in fast! Let’s go!!!
(Hank and Jack crowd in with Shadow on Hank’s lap)
Jack
Give me some room!
Hank
I’m trying. It’s all I’ve got.
(Grandpa steps on gas hard and they all nearly fly out of the sidecar. Sidecar wobbles and tips on wheels)
Hank
Slow down! You’re way over the speed limit! You’re breaking all the rules!
Jack
Let him drive! We’ve got to catch the truck! You and your rules!! That’s how we got into this mess!
Grandpa
Jack! Enough! Hank is sorry!
Jack
Grandpa! Turn left!!!!
(Sidecar makes crazy left turn almost getting hit by city bus)
Hank
Oh my God, this is crazy!!!
(Grandpa drives crazily between squeezing between a car and a truck. Hank terrified, close his eyes. Sidecar is now even with the garbage truck)
Grandpa
Ok Hank get ready to grab it!
(Grandpa pulls up beside garbage truck, Hank opens his eyes and sees the ornament is within his reach but is terrified and unable to move)
Jack
Grab Hank! Grab it now! For God’s sake! Now! Now!
(Hank finally reaches out to grab the firetruck but it’s too late as the garbage truck takes right turn. The sidecar keeps going straight. Suddenly there are garbage trucks going every direction and they don’t know which one to follow)
Jack
What is wrong with you? You had your chance and didn’t take it!!! Now it’s lost forever!!!
Grandpa
Really Hank. What the heck happened?
(Grandpa stops driving and pulls over to the side of the street. Hank feels like a failure. A tear rolls down Jack’s cheek)
Act 2
Key Scene 3
Exterior Everyone standing bedside parked sidecar, night. Garbage trucks receding into the distance. Grandpa is exhausted, Jack has a tear rolling down his cheek. Hank feels terrible, reaches into his pocket and feels the tracking device)
Hank
Wait! Everything’s going to be ok. My device. It will find it!
(Hank turns on device but nothing happens)
Hank
Never mind…I can’t believe this is happening!
(Hank is about to give up. Following the rules hasn’t worked and instead has ended in disaster)
Act 2
Key Scene 4
(Jack pulls out the batteries from his pocket he had removed and silently hands them to Hank who puts them in. Device turns on and starts blinking on a map and Hank tosses it to Jack. Hank jumps in to drive this time)
Hank
Let’s go! You navigate!
(Grandpa and Jack jump in the sidecar but Shadow stays on the sidewalk while Hank takes off)
Jack
You left Shadow you idiot!
Grandpa
You have to get Shadow!! You just can’t leave him there!
(Hank turns the sidecar around really fast almost throwing Grandpa and Jack out as the car tips nearly over. Hank runs a red light, picks up Shadow who now is sitting on Grandpa’s lap. Hank turns around again and starts driving faster than he ever has. Jack is watching the dot move on the device map)
Jack
Turn left! Not right! Left!!
(Hank runs another red light, dodging cars, horn blaring at the near misses. This time Grandpa is closing his eyes.)
Grandpa
You just ran a red light!
Hank
And your point is?
Jack
Turn right!
(Hank turns right racing down the road. Gradually they have left the crowded city streets now on the city outskirts)
Jack
Your thing says to go this direction! It’s actually pretty cool if this thing is right.
Hank
It is! I know it’s right!
Grandpa
We shall see. How do you know it works
Hank
You two never quit, do you? You don’t want me to find the firetruck. You want me to fail, to make fun of me. Am so sick of this!
(They ride along in silence. Shadow and Grandpa fall asleep. See sign City Dump up ahead)
Hank has taken control. He no longer resists or fears taking action
Act 3
Key Scene 1
Hank
You two have done everything you can to undermine me and make me look stupid especially to Julie. I am so sick of this! Give me that! I’ll find it myself.
(Hank grabs tracker from Jack and storms off alone into the dump to find the tree with the tree. Shadow follows him leaving Jack and Grandpa standing there)
Hank
Come on Shadow. This way.
(Hank jumps at every sound. Shadow looks at him sensing his fear)
Hank
Quiet Shadow!
(Suddenly an owl flies out of nowhere, swoops down and grazes Hank’s hair. He screams!)
Hank
Aiy! Ahh!!!!
Key Scene 2
(Shadow is smelling everything and sees owl eating garbage. Shadow runs over to grab the food but the owl flies up away. They search first through garbage and then piles of trees. Hank comes around a corner and sees the scaped lion eating garbage on the ground with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank freezes in fear)
Hank
Quiet shadow! Halt!
(Shadow stops, growling at the lion. Shadow sees the owl in the tree nearby and growls at it too. Hank looks around trying to decide what to do. Lion sees Hank and starts growling at him. Lion gets up, does full body shake causing ornament to fly off, landing behind him. Shadow moves toward the lion)
Hank
Shadow stop! Stop!
(Hank sees door is open on empty container and decides to use his whip to back into the container. Jack and Grandpa run to Hank’s voice yelling at Shadow. Jack doesn’t see lion behind him but sees Hank and runs toward him)
Hank
Jack! Stop running!
(Jack turns to see lion coming for him)
Jack
Screams!
(Grandpa emerges from garbage to see chaos Hank using whip to control lion)
Hank
Jack!
(Hank uses his whip to coerce lion but it’s a struggle and the lion jumps on top of the container rather than in it)
Hank
Come on little lion! Come on!
(Hank taunts the lion while Jack and Grandpa are afraid for him)
Jack
Hank! Watch out! Be careful!
Hank
Like you care!
Grandpa
We do care! Please be careful!
Key Scene 3
(Hank coaxes lion into empty container. Grandpa and Jack slam the container door shut and flip the lock)
Jack
That was awesome Hank! You were amazing! Thank you so much!!!!
Grandpa
Yeah, that was impressive.
(Hank is surprised by their sudden admiration and not sure what to make of it)
Hank
Yeah. Really? Seriously?
(Grandpa on phone with police)
Yes, the lion is at the City Dump locked in a container in the back of the dump near where all the trees are. Yes. Ok. You are welcome.
(Grandpa Hangs up phone)
Grandpa
Hank, really, we didn’t mean any harm. We’ve just been kidding around with you.
Key Scene 2
(Shadow is smelling everything and sees owl eating garbage. Shadow runs over to grab the food but the owl flies up away. They search first through garbage and then piles of trees. Hank comes around a corner and sees the scaped lion eating garbage on the ground with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank freezes in fear)
Hank
Quiet shadow! Halt!
(Shadow stops, growling at the lion. Shadow sees the owl in the tree nearby and growls at it too. Hank looks around trying to decide what to do. Lion sees Hank and starts growling at him. Lion gets up, does full body shake causing ornament to fly off, landing behind him. Shadow moves toward the lion)
Hank
Shadow stop! Stop!
Key Scene 3
(Hank sees door is open on empty container at the end of the pole of Christmas trees and decides to use his whip to back into the container. Jack and Grandpa run to Hank’s voice yelling at Shadow. Jack doesn’t see lion behind him but sees Hank and runs toward him)
Hank
Jack! Stop running!
(Jack turns to see lion coming for him)
Jack
Screams!
(Grandpa emerges from garbage to see chaos Hank using whip to control lion)
Hank
Jack!
(Hank uses his whip to coerce lion but it’s a struggle and the lion jumps on top of the container rather than in it)
Hank
Come on little lion! Come on!
(Hank taunts the lion while Jack and Grandpa are afraid for him)
Jack
Hank! Watch out! Be careful!
Hank
Like you care!
Grandpa
We do care! Please be careful!
(Hank coaxes lion into empty container. Grandpa and Jack slam the container door shut and flip the lock)
Jack
That was awesome Hank! You were amazing! Thank you so much!!!!
Grandpa
Yeah, that was impressive.
(Hank is surprised by their sudden admiration and not sure what to make of it)
Hank
Yeah. Really? Seriously?
(Hank leaves Grandpa to back to where ornament came free of lion)
Grandpa
(Grandpa alone on phone with police)
Yes, the lion is at the City Dump locked in a container in the back of the dump near where all the old Christmas trees are. Yes. Ok. You are welcome.
(Grandpa Hangs up phone)
Key Scene 4
(Hank, Grandpa, Jack and Shadow are back where the lion dropped the firetruck)
Grandpa
Hank, really, we didn’t mean any harm. We’ve just been kidding around with you.
Not sure what to say. Not sure what to believe. You two have been pretty clear how you feel about me.
Jack
Really Hank. We didn’t mean all of it.
Hank
But you meant some of it, right?
Jack
Well…..
(Jack runs and hugs Hank and Shadow joins in knocking them both over just as Hank is reaching down to pick up the ornament. Hank on the ground now with Shadow licking his face. The owl who’d been watching it all, swoops down to grab the ornament and flies off with the ornament hanging from its beak)
Jack
Oh no! No, no, no!
(Hank gets up and runs for the owl climbing over trees and garbage to catch it)
Hank
Stop, you crazy bird!
(Hank bravely makes a flying leap off a tree branch and reaches out as far as he can and just barely misses grabbing the hanging ornament. The owl flies out of sight with the ornament hanging from its beak. Hank is now lying flat on the ground)
Hank
Oh my God!!! This can’t be happening!
Grandpa
Now what do we do???
(Hank, Jack and Grandpa watch in silence as the owl flies off. Shadow is sniffing around. Hank jumps up and starts running away)
Jack
Where are you going?
Hank
The tracker has limited distance range. If we lose it now, we lose it forever!
(Hank turns on the tracker and keeps running back to the sidecar through the garbage. Shadow follows. Jack and Grandpa follow too)
Scene 5
Newsroom Interior. Story on screen of police at dump with lion in cage
Tech worker
Wonder how the lion ended up in that container?
Julie
Yeah. Pretty odd. But at least the drama is over and I can go home!
(Julie packs up and leaves office)
Julie
See you after New Years!
Act 4 Key Scene 1
(Hank runs back to the sidecar but the tracker has stopped tracking. Hank starts the engine but doesn’t know where to go -frozen all hope lost. Shadow jumps in and licks Hank’s face)
Hank
Okay Shadow okay. Stop! I sorry but I’m just not in the mood! This is such a disaster.
(Hank rests his head on the steering wheel, closes his eyes)
Hank
I wish this day had never happened!
(Grandpa and Jack arrive standing outside the sidecar)
Jack
What now Hank?
Grandpa
Yeah, what now?
Hank
Nothing! I can’t do anything. You can’t do anything! No one can do anything!!! It’s
over and Jack, it’s your….
Jack
My fault. I know. I know it’s all my fault this time.
Hank
No, it all started with me. My big mistake. Can’t blame you.
Grandpa
Glad we have that all settled.
Act 4 Scene Key Scene 2
(They are all riding silently in the sidecar again slowly leaving the dump heading toward the bright city lights.)
Grandpa
Jack, don’t you think the city lights look great.
Jack
Sure, Grandpa whatever you say.
(Closer to city traffic gets heavy. Hank is now driving very slowly now. Hank honks the horn in frustration!)
Hank
Come on! Go! Move on! We’ll never get home!!!!
(Now traffic cop is directing the cars and sidecar is heading closer to downtown)
Hank
What! We are going the wrong direction!!!!
Jack
Are you OK Hank?
Grandpa
It’s ok. We just have to be calm. Nothing we can do.
Hank
Maybe I can get home in time to make the party with Julie.
Grandpa
Yeah. Sure. Good plan
Jack
Guess you’re giving up, right, Hank?
Hank
Yes, Jack. I’m giving up just like you thought I would. Are you happy now? You can tell your mom what a loser I am…..Sorry Jack. I didn’t mean that. I really tried hard.
(Sidecar hits a deep pothole and Jack almost flies out but then he sees the tracker light up again)
Jack screams
Hank! Hank it’s working!
Hank
What’s working?
Jack
The tracker! The light is on and it’s moving. We’ve got to follow it!
Hank
Give it to me!
(Hank turns down a side street away from the traffic cop and starts speeding again following the tracker signal. Sidecar swaying wildly)
Act 4 Climax
(Hank is driving the sidecar wildly down the side streets following the tracker. Grandpa, Jack and Shadow are nearly falling out)
Grandpa
Hank slow down! We ‘re barely holding on back here!
Hank
This is our last chance. I’m not giving up!!!
(Hank comes to an busy intersection, turns left and gets stopped in traffic)
Hank honks horn yells at cars
Move! Move!
Jack
They can’t go anywhere Hank. No reason to honk and yell
(Hank jumps out of the car and runs on foot following the tracker signal. Jack and shadow jump out and follow Hank leaving Grandpa in the sidecar)
Jack
Hank. Slow down! I can’t catch up
(Hank slows a little waiting for Jack and Shadow to catch up)
Hank
Ok. Let’s go
(They run through crowds of people waiting for New Year’s Eve Ball drop. They enter One times Square sneak past security and get in elevator to top of building. Once on top they find the ball and see the owl with the ornament hanging from it’s beak)
Jack
What now!! We can’t get it!
Hank
I’m not giving up
Shadow sees owl
Barks!
Jack
What are you going to do?
Hank
Just watch. Tell your mom I love her.
Jack
What do you mean? Why???
(Hank jumps onto the scaffold barely making it. Ties one end of this whip to it, gets up on the railing of the scaffold)
Jack
Hank! Stop! What are you doing? It’s not worth it! Don’t!!!
(Hank swings out high over the crowd below to the ball and grabs the ornament out of the owl’s mouth)
Jack
Oh my god!
(Hank swings back crashing onto the scaffold with the ornament in one hand. Climbs back onto the building roof)
Jack
I can’t believe you did that!
Hank
Neither can I!
Jack
I was so scared for you!
(Jack runs and hugs Hank)
Act 4 Key Scene 4
(Hank, Jack and Shadow leave the building and look for Grandpa where they left him but he’s nowhere to be found)
Jack
Grandpa! Grandpa!
(They try street after street but can’t find him)
Jack
Do you have your phone?
(Hank checks his pockets for the phone)
Hank
No. I must have left it at home. Sorry
Jack
It’s ok
Hank
Let’s just go home and see if he’s there
(Inside the house, Grandpa is sitting in his chair watching the New Year’s Eve on TV before the ball drop. Jack Hank and Shadow enter)
Jack
Grandpa! Grandpa! You won’t believe what Hank did!
Grandpa
Really? What did he do?
(Jack shows Grandpa his firetruck ornament)
Jack
We followed the owl to the top of the building where the ball drops on New Years.
Grandpa
Wow!
Jack
Hank jumped onto the scaffolding used his whip and swingout to grab my firetruck from the owl! It was unbelievable. Scary, too!
Grandpa
Hank did all that??
Jack
Yes. It was amazing!
Grandpa
Well, that calls for a toast!
(Grandpa goes into kitchen to make hot chocolate)
Hank
Is Julie home?
Grandpa from kitchen
No, not yet
Jack
Hank, thank you. This was the most amazing night ever!
Hank
Yeah. I know! Glad it worked out
Jack
I’m sorry for
Hank
That’s the past
(Grandpa comes out with chocolate. Julie come home)
Jack
Mom! Mom, You won’t believe…
Hank and Grandpa give Jack a look
…oh nothing
Julie
No tell me. What did you do tonight?
Hank
Not much
Julie
Did you hear the lion was caught at the city dump
(TV shows the lion story)
Julie
It’s on TV now
They all look to TV
Julie
The police got a phone tip about the lion being trapped in a container at the zoo
Grandpa
Oh really
Julie
They don’t know how it happened but we can sleep well tonight
Hank
Yeah, that’s good news
(Countdown for the ball drop starts on TV and they all turn to watch and count out loud)
Hank, Jack Julie, Grandpa all reciting countdown
10,9,8,…….
The End
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What I learned from this assignment is that I had a huge gap in ACT 4 between Key Scene 1 – Reaction to the Act 3 Turning Point and Key scene 2 – Protagonist Faces Their Dilemma. I had to add 12 scenes between them. I am only attaching the outline version since there are so many scenes.
Mark’s Filling In Missing Scenes
EXT. RUNWAY – DAWN
TE 7: With jensen back in the lead, he inspires them to carry on with the runway. Colonel Bogie March. They dig with frozen hands.
PLACEHOLDER
EXT. NEAR THE ICE CAVE -DAY
Drake avoids working on the runway and spends time in his hiding place, brooding about people. He hates most of them.
EXT. ICE FIELD – DAY
Drake tries to lure Victoria away from the group, but she gets suspicious.
EXT. PLANE COCKPIT – DAY
Tony discovers the camp, and the runway. He is over-awed by it.
EXT. RUNWAY -DAY
Victoria hears and sees his plane and runs screaming in joy through camp.
The frantic people prevent him from rescuing Victoria first. He is mobbed. Victoria is shoved aside, then Jensen bulldozes her up to Tony. A quick kiss, then the mob accuses him – He won’t come back for them if she goes first.
He is forced to take two men. The overloaded plane sinks behind the horizon and Victoria fears he crashed. Before he reappears in the sky, Drake grabs her and carries her off.
EXT. BARROW STATION -DAY
Tony lands with his two passengers and everyone there is astonished at the rescue. They are even more astonished when Tony punches out both his passengers.
INT. BARROW STATION – DAY
Tony sends a radio call to Nome and contacts his pilot squadron.
INT. BARROW STATION – DAY
Tony gives them the survivor camp location and orders them to promise to take Victoria first. They agree to scatter to various villages in the event of weather issues.
EXT. ICE CAMP- DAY
Jensen makes a priority list of passengers to avoid the mob elbowing their way to safety. Victoria and the women are high on the list.
EXT. RUNWAY – DAY
Planes land each day, rescuing many, one and two at a time.
EXT. ICE CAMP -DAY
Jensen’s aide is keeping the personnel manifest, and keeping track of who is rescued. One day several planes land at once and in the confusion Drake manages to get ahold of the list and crosses off Victoria’s name.
INT. NAVY STATION – NIGHT
Tony compares notes with Nick, wondering how many have been rescued. He thinks one of the other planes rescued Victoria.
EXT. RUNWAY – DAY
Tony lands again he asks Jensen how many are taken. Jensen shows him the list and he sees Victoria’s name crossed off.
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MElanie’s Filled in Missing Scenes
What I learned: there are more scenes I will need to add than what I have done so far but I was surprised at how the story held together when I reread it. Lots of work to go, though!
ASSIGNMENT #24 – Missing Scenes
Act 1 Scene:
BEGINNING: Housekeeper hears cries of “Fire,” she races throughout the house.
MIDDLE: Everyone rushes out of the mansion. Governor Tryon and his wife make it outside.
END: Realization that their child is still in the house.
Act 1 Scene:
BEGINNING: Sybil’s mother is quilting with other mother’s in the house. As they talk ,she is trying to match make Sybil to one of the boys in town. She builds her up.
MIDDLE: Sybil rushes through the door, a mess, to announce her father’s arrival. She wears trousers and is filthy.
END: Her mother scolds her, sending her off to get cleaned up and put a dress on.
Act 2 Scene:
BEGINNING: Flashback to Sybil witnessing a Medicine Man healing Iroquois teen with a wounded arm.
MIDDLE: He crushes a flower and applies it to the wound.
END: It works! Back to the shed – she can use this for her horse.
_______________
INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
A boy SERVANT runs down the hallway screaming at the top of his lungs…
SERVANT
FIRE!! RUN!!
Patty swings open her door. There is a FLURRY of SERVANTS and MAIDS now running through the hallway.
PATTY HATCH
Oh dear Lord.
CUT TO:
EXT. TRYON MANSION, NEW YORK, NY – LATER
A fire rages throughout Governor Tryon’s mansion. A scramble out the front door as servants, maids and GOVERNOR TYRON and his wife, MARGARET TRYON, make their way out to the front lawn. FLAMES leap from the top of the mansion.
Governor Tryon, has managed to throw his red coat on over his night shirt, his face red with shock. His wife grabs him in tears.
MARGARET TRYON
William…Margaret?
Her eyes well with tears and she races to the burning palace.
TRYON
No!
BUT HIS LEG GIVES, AND HE CAN’T CATCH HER.
She’s to the door in a second, only to run into Patty who is running out.
MARGARET TRYON
Patty. Have you seen Margaret?
Patty goes white.
PATTY HATCH
Oh heavens, I thought she was with you.
They watch in horror as their home is destroyed before them.
____________
INT. LUDINGTON ESTATE – DAY
EMILY, Sybil’s mother, sits at a large table quilting with her friends, AGNES (a plain, middle-aged woman) and PRUDENCE (blonde, and the most prim and proper of the three). Spread out in front of them is a large quilt they are sewing together by hand.
AGNES
Any suiters yet for Sybil?
EMILY
I’m sure she’d love to go to town with Joseph, if that’s what you’re asking. She is of age now, you know.
Agnes smiles, considering.
PRUDENCE
She’s more of a…nature girl, isn’t she. Not like my own, you know. They are quite ready to get married. They know the Bible, cook most of our dinners now and can sew.
EMILY
Sybil too would make an excellent wife. She is ready to start her own family.
THUD! The front door swings open and Sybil clamors in. The women look at her in horror – her hair is a bird’s nest, her pants and shirt dirty. She like looks anything but a girl.
Emily fills the awkward silence.
EMILY
Sybil? What is it? What happened to you?!
The ladies snicker.
PRUDENCE
She’s becoming mother nature.
SYBIL
Father’s back!
Emily stands up, dropping her needles.
EMILY
Go get washed up. Hurry! You look a sight! Ladies, we’ll have to cut this short.
Emily starts to clean the table, putting away the material quickly.
___________
INT. TENT – DAY
A MEDICINE MAN works over a bleeding wound on her Iroquois friend, she holds her mouth trying not to be sick. Her friend grimaces in pain. The old man works on the ground, he grinds up small white flowers while chanting.
The old man hands the teen a stick.
MEDICINE MAN
For the pain. This will hurt.
The wound is deep and the teen bites on a stick, sweat dripping on the ground. By the light of the fire, the old man applies it to the wound.
SCREAM…
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Clendon’s filled-in missing scenes – day 24
[1] What I learned doing this assignment? To tie up the loose ends, bring the supporting characters’ arcs to a completion while at the same time making sure they support the script’s theme.
————————————————–
[2] Do a quick read of your script to pinpoint possible missing scenes. When you discover one, put a placeholder that you can return to.
————————————–
[3] For each missing scene, create a quick outline.
I had to build up the relationship evolving between the protagonist, Clendon, and his best friend, Natalie, so that when it changes from plutonic to consensual, it makes logical sense.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Clendon and Natalie go caroling w/ the neighbors.
MIDDLE: Natalie sees Clendon hand several old residents deeds to their home.
END: She is moved; kisses Clendon passionately, wants him.
——————————–
Simultaneously, I had to bring Clendon’s girl friend, Gina (who has been MIA, thanks to Clendon’s father) back into the picture. She is in love and wants Clendon to know the truth.
INT. PLANE – FIRST CLASS SECTION – DAY
BEGINNING: Gina is on the flight alone, holding a photograph of her and Clendon at Prom.
MIDDLE: Gina reminisces about them together.
END: Gina fears she might be too late, that Natalie might have moved in on Clendon.
————————————–
[4] Write a high speed first draft for the most important of those scenes.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Clendon and Natalie are caroling with a dozen other residents from the neighborhood. Dressed in Dickens era clothing, they go from door-to-door singing Holiday classics.
Clendon on the guitar. Danbury, the next-door neighbor, toting a violin.
Guarded at first, Natalie feels the love these people have for one another is genuine, and is moved by it. Clendon’s leadership, his influence; everyone is touched by his presence, Natalie included.
We STEADICAM down the shoveled and salted sidewalk — CAMERA STOPPING ON the Timkins — mister and misses, with thermos of hot cider and a platter of cookies — an elderly couple who epitomize graciousness.
JACK TIMKINS, personable man with snowy head of hair and a neatly trimmed mustache.
Clendon hands Natalie his guitar, goes over and gives misses Timkins a sealed envelope.
Protective, even fierce, Natalie watches the elderly lady open the envelope — her hand covers her mouth in disbelief.
Clendon walks back, a smile from ear to ear. Natalie, having worked one summer for a bank, recognizes a property deed when she sees one.
Natalie stares at Clendon as he adjusts his guitar strap: wanting him in a way she’s never felt about anyone before.
CLENDON “We’ve three more to deliver. Glad you took the night off, Nat. Feels right having you with me playing Santa. We make a good team.”
Natalie kisses him on the cheek — getting his attention — KISSING much more passionately as the carolers mingle to enjoy hot cider, spiced wine, and sugar cookies.
——————————————
INT. PLANE – FIRST CLASS SECTION – DAY
BOLD RED LIPS
EXTREME CLOSE UP. Woman’s lips. Blood red as a layer of highly-pigmented lipstick is applied.
PULL BACK on the young woman’s face as she purses her lips. Beautiful in a holiday sweater, Gina sits at a window seat. Lying in the dip between her neck and the collar bones — Clendon’s gold cross.
Hidden, are the butterflies in her stomach.
On the extendable tray table, a PHOTOGRAPH of her and Clendon at Homecoming.
In her head, the memory of Natalie staring up at her while wrapping Christmas presents with Clendon.
In her heart, the fear she might be too late. CLOSE ON her fingertip stroking Clendon’s face.
On her lips, the proclamation:
GINA “I can’t lose you. Not this way.”
————————————–
[5] Tell us what scenes you added and why.
I had to build up the relationship evolving between the protagonist, Clendon, and his best friend, Natalie, so that when it changes from plutonic to consensual, it makes logical sense.
Simultaneously, I had to bring Clendon’s girl friend, Gina (who has been MIA, thanks to Clendon’s father) back into the picture. She is in love and wants Clendon to know the truth.
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Subject line: (Ricardo Williams) Fillled In Missing Scenes!
Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is how to write a script that follows a sequence that doesn’t skip scenes.
I added scenes to Act 1.
INT. DR. HOWARD’S HOME – NIGHT
DR. HOWARD opens the door and as he turns around his two daughters JOLYN, 6 years old, and CHARLOTTE 4 years old, gleeful runs into his arms. He lifts them both up and spins them around. He kisses them. He kisses his wife MRS. MARGARET HOWARD, a woman in her mid-twenties, fair and beautiful with grace and elegance.
MRS. HOWARD
Honey, we have a busy weekend. We may need extra help with the movie theater.
DR. HOWARD
Sweetie, can you not manage with the girls?
MRS. HOWARD
No. Unless you gonna be there to help us.
DR. HOWARD
Actually, Sweetie, I have a poker tournament with the guys.
MRS. HOWARD
Now that’s not fair. The girls and I have the movie theater, the popcorn stand, and the burger grill.
JOLYN
MOTHER, I want to sell the popcorn.
CHARLOTTE
Me too.
JOLYN
When I grow up I want to sell popcorn.
CHARLOTTE
Me too.
DR. HOWARD
Now my dear children, a better idea is to own your own popcorn stands. When you own it, you get to keep the profits.
CHARLOTTE
What is profits daddy?
JOLYN
That’s the money you make after you pay for your expenses.
DR. HOWARD
Now JOLYN, that’s just brilliant.
JOLYN
When I grow up, I want to own my own movie theater.
(Laughter)
CHARLOTTE
Me too.
DR. HOWARD
That’s what I am talking about. You can do anything you set your mind to. See honey, the apple never falls far from the tree. We are raising entrepreneurs.
JOLYN
Daddy what is entrepaneer?
DR. HOWARD
People who own businesses.
MRS HOWARD
Honey, I am still waiting for your answer.
DR. HOWARD
Sweetie, I’ll get you all the extra help you need.
INT. DR. HOWARD’S HOME – DAY – 1942
14 year old JOLYN is cleaning her parents bathroom. She notices scales in the bathtub. She uses a broom and dust pan to sweep them up. She is puzzled. She comes out of the bathroom, passes her mother’s dresser and notices a letter from a doctor’s office. She takes out the letter from the open envelope. The words “MYCOSIS FUNGOIDES” catches her eyes, and then she silently reads the dreaded contents of the letter. She drops the letter and runs out of the room. She is fighting to hold back tears.
MRS. HOWARD
JOLYN, are you OK?
JOLYN ignores her and goes into her room and closes the door. She gets into a fetal position on the bed and she silently weeps. There is a knock on the door. Her dad walks in. He sits next to JOLYN and hands a travel magazine.
DR. HOWARD
I thought this will cheer you up.
DR. HOWARD opens the magazine and shows JOLYN a picture of the EIFFEL TOWER in PARIS. JOLYN wipes out eyes. She is excited.
JOLYN
Oh DAD. That’s so beautiful. Can you take me there?
DR. HOWARD
This is a busy time for us. I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep. But one day, you will visit all these places. The world is a beautiful place and you will get to see all of it. (He hugs her).
INT. DR. HOWARD’S HOME – DAY – 1945
MRS. WHEELER, DR. HOWARD’S secretary walks into the living room. She takes JOLYN and CHARLOTTE by the hands and sits them down on the sofa. She is hesitant.
MRS. WHEELER
Your mother called this morning from the hospital. Your father died.
JOLYN is in shock. She stumbles off the couch. CHARLOTTE is screams. JOLYN holds onto CHARLOTTE. She looks out the window at the Post Office Plaza across the street. She sees people walking around, talking, and laughing. JOLYN watches the crowd from the window. She is angry.
JOLYN
What are you people laughing at? How can you do this? My father just died.
(Shouting)
INT. JOLYN’S HOME – DAY
JOE is excited as he sees JOLYN entering the room, but JOLYN looks sad.
JOE
What’s the matter, Sweetie? Is this job taking a toll on you? You seem so sad these days.
JOLYN
I’ve been analyzing our financial statements and I think we should close the parlors. They are losing money. They are putting a strain on us. I think we should focus on wholesale and the grocery stores. That’s where we are profitable.
JOE
Ah. I see that business mind of yours is showing, but we can’t do that? We have a loyalty to the community.
JOLYN
But Honey, we can be loyal to our community in other ways and avoid losing money and besides we pay taxes. That’s one way to be loyal.
JOE
That’s true, but the community doesn’t see that. They see our presence and they take pride in the fact that we are a Black-owned business. I think we should stick with the parlors even as we expand.
JOLYN
The problem is that we are lacking efficiency. We are working hard, but not efficient.
JOE
We will need more trucks if we were to focus on Wholesale, though. Let me think about it.
JOLYN
On another note, there is something going on between TROY and the PURCHASING OFFICER MS. RANDALL. She twitches when she walks past him. He slaps her on the rear. They spend most of the day flirting with each other.
JOE
That’s the TROY I know.
JOLYN
He shouldn’t be doing these things. Do we even need this guy? I have observed enough that I can run the company.
JOE
I will have a talk with him.
INT. HOWARD’S HOME – DAY
JOLYN visits her mother. She feels frustrated.
MRS. HOWARD
What’s the matter? You seem so down.
JOLYN
Mother, you know I’ve always wanted to have my own business, do you?
MRS. HOWARD
Yes Honey, I remember. We joked about the time when you said you wanted your own movie theater. You sounded so serious.
JOLYN
Since we bought the company, I’ve been trying to convince JOE to let me run things. Instead, he has given the job to his womanizing cousin who spends his time flirting with the female employees, and not doing anything to improve the business.
MRS. HOWARD
Honey, you know business is a man’s world. They’re ain’t no woman running companies, and much less a Black woman? He is probably trying to protect you.
JOLYN
It’s so unfair. I get to observe things and I am seeing all the errors we are making and no one is listening to me. Mother, we can be turning a profit if we change our focus to Wholesale. A quick look at the books show clearly that’s where we are making a profit. JOE doesn’t want to close the parlors. He wants to be loyal to the community.
MRS. HOWARD
I can understand why he is skeptical. You depend on the community to support the business. If you alienate them it could create problems for you.
JOLYN
I told him we could support the community in other ways like granting school scholarships and other educational ventures.
MRS. HOWARD
Those are good ideas. What did he say?
JOLYN
JOE believes loyalty is keeping the parlors even if it kills the business.
INT. BALDWIN ICE CREAM CO – DAY
Phone rings. Jolyn answers.
NURSE
Mrs. Robichaux, we admitted your husband as a matter of precaution. We need you to come as soon as possible.
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
JOLYN and JOE are at the doctor’s office. JOE is having stomach pains. There are red spots all over his body.
DOCTOR
Our test results show that your husband is allergic to mosquito bites.
JOLYN
Doctor that is impossible. There are no mosquitoes here in April?
DOCTOR
Let me recommend a specialist to you. They can run more comprehensive testing.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT – 1971
JOE is at the hospital resting while awaiting the test results. The doctor walks into the room. He has the results.
DOCTOR
MRS. ROBICHAUX, the test results show your husband has a rare case of Leukemia. It had progressed very far. He is going down fast.
JOLYN
DOCTOR what are you saying?
DOCTOR
There is no medication to put it into remission. Your husband has less than two weeks to live. I am so sorry.
JOLYN is pacing the hospital room.
JOE
I feel like I’ve failed you.
JOLYN gets close to JOE. She sits on his bed and hold his hand.
JOLYN
Don’t you ever say that. You are my champion. You are my hero. You can never fail me.
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
JOLYN is comforting JOE. He is drowsy from the medication he is taking. She gets a call. It’s TROY THOMAS from the office.
TROY THOMAS (V.O)
The man is here with the trucks.
JOLYN
What man and with what trucks?
TROY THOMAS (V.O.)
We have three new ice cream trucks here. He wants Mr. Robichaux to sign the papers.
JOLYN
Hold on.
JOLYN turns to JOE
JOLYN (CONT’D)
Honey, what is this? There are three new trucks at our location?
JOE
Oh, I bought three trucks, so we can expand into Wholesale.
JOLYN
(Back to speaking on the phone).
MR. THOMAS send the gentleman to the hospital and I will meet him outside.
JOLYN puts on a mask and meets the gentleman outside.
JOLYN (CONT’D)
My husband has a condition that is highly contagious so we can’t go in there. Let me see these papers?
GENTLEMAN
Can I go in with you and have him sign them?
JOLYN
You can’t come in because my husband’s germs are contagious.
The gentleman looks puzzled. He hands JOLYN the papers and she takes them into JOE’S room. JOE signs them. JOLYN returns the signed papers to the gentleman.
GENTLEMAN
OK, everything is all set. The trucks are all yours.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
A feeble JOE is lying in bed. He holds JOLYN’s hand. ZENOBIA is sitting in the corner of the room observing. JOE smiles. JOLYN looks concerned but composed.
JOE
You are so beautiful. I love you very much. You have been a good wife and I want to thank you for everything you’ve done. You gave me two beautiful children and I thank you. You threw some of the best parties I’ve witnessed. I remember when you learned to cook and served me some of your worst meals (smiling). We had so many wonderful vacations the best I remember was going to the Rose Bowl game in Los Angeles. Some of the happiest moments of my life was watching you golf.
JOE squeezes JOLYN’s hand. She is sobbing and losing her composure. She is sniffing hard.
JOLYN
Sweetie, I am so sorry. I am so sad (she is losing control as she weeps while he squeezes her hand). You are my heart and I love you. I will never forget you. I will treasure our memories everyday of my life.
JOE closes his eyes for one last time.
ZENOBIA
(Screaming)
Who’s going to take care of me now? Who’s going to take care of me?
Jolyn puts her arms around Zenobia and they both continue to cry.
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Pam’s Filled in Missing Scenes
What I learned: I found at least 8 missing scenes over the 4 acts. And noticed a number of areas that characters and plot could be developed further. I only posted one of those scenes below.
INT. SITTING PRETTY SALON – VERMONT – DAY
Acadia smiles at her brother, CAMERON PARKS, mid 30s (add physical description and show. him involved in some activity). Hands him the lunch bag and cup of coffee.
CAMERON
Thanks. Join me for lunch?ACADIA
Can’t. Got plans with Hank.CAMERON
Ah. Maybe you’ll have time to grab a beer with your bro after work?ACADIA
(shakes her head “no”)
Goin’ on a moonlight hike with Franco and Eddie.CAMERON
(raises his eyebrows)
How romantic. You’re dance card is really full these days, Cadie.
(takes a sip of coffee)
You think you might be ready to go out on actual dates anytime soon? With human males?(opens up his lunch bag)
I wonder if you spend too much time with dogs. It’s been awhile since you and–ACADIA
— Nope. I’m surrounded twenty-four seven with all the love I need. Besides, dogs are infinitely more trustworthy.
(beat)
And can you ever have too much time with dogs?Cameron shrugs as he bites into his sandwich.
ACADIA
Gotta run. Can’t keep Hank waiting. Enjoy your lunch.She walks out the door, hiding her emotions. She looks a little more serious than when she came in.
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Dave Holloway’s filled-in missing scenes!
What I learned doing this assignment is that being less concerned with the quality of the dialogue allows other ideas to strike me, such as possible actions for the characters and ways to deepen their dimensions.
I wrote this scene as an explanation for why there was a battle between whites and Native Americans in the story. I wanted to have the two groups fighting again, as they did centuries before, to suggest something about human nature, to criticize the genocide whites carried out against the Native Americans, and to prepare for a charge by the Natives that would allow them to rout the whites in the battle.
OUTLINE
EXT. TRIBAL NATIONS – DAY
Scene Arc: Nigel, Roger and Amelia ride through the Tribal Nations and near Olympia. They hear shots, and gradually come upon the scene of a battle between Natives and white troops near the border with Olympia. A stray shot hits Nigel in the shoulder. Amelia tends to it, dresses the wound, and Nigel is okay, as the shot went through the shoulder without doing major damage. Amelia explains that Olympia is a “whites only” state of rednecks, separatists and racists. Battle should be a stalemate at first, until the Natives make a courageous charge into Olympia through gunfire and send the white troops running for their lives. Some of the Natives chase them, while others return to Tribal Nations and carry away the Native dead. There is rejoicing among the Natives for their victory.
EXT. TRIBAL NATIONS – DAY
Roger, Amelia and Nigel ride in the shade of trees at the edge of a flat field of dry grass. A river runs beyond the trees, and they can hear it as it flows.
AMELIA: I’m glad they gave the tribes their own state. For four hundred years, the whites murdered them and stole their land. They also brought diseases with them that killed many more. With their own state, they’ve been free of the whites. Until the past year.
Nigel looks at her quickly.
NIGEL: What happened in the last year?
AMELIA: Tribal Nations borders on Olympia, a state of rednecks, separatists and racists. Only whites are allowed there. In the last year, ranchers in Olympia decided they wanted more grazing land for their cattle and sheep. So they’ve tried to take it from Tribal.
ROGER: Bastards. Not even surprising, with those types of shits.
AMELIA: They started to let their cattle graze in Tribal, and they set a new boundary within Tribal land. The Natives tried to talk with them, but they wouldn’t go back. So then the battles broke out.
NIGEL: Have many have been killed?
AMELIA: Several thousand on each side. The Natives have won some of their territory back, but whites still possess part of what they took.
ROGER: Stealing the land once wasn’t enough. Had to do it again. Those whores haven’t changed.
They’ve ridden up a gentle rise in the land, and they see, several hundred yards ahead, the scene of a battle between whites and Natives. They begin to hear the sound of gunfire. Nigel speaks with wonder.
NIGEL: Growing up, I saw plenty of American movies about whites fighting the Indians. I never dreamed I’d witness it in person.
AMELIA: Let’s get a little closer. I’ll go to the Natives and ask them to let us through.
ROGER: What tribe are the Natives?
AMELIA: Comanche.
As they ride, Nigel is knocked off his horse. The other two dismount and crouch around him.
ROGER: What happened, mate?
NIGEL: Something hit me in the shoulder.
He looks at his right shoulder and sees blood soaking through the shirt.
NIGEL: My God. I think I’ve been shot.
Amelia jumps up and digs something out of her saddlebag. She returns and kneels beside Nigel.
AMELIA: I’ve got first-aid here. Better take the shirt off.
Roger helps Nigel gingerly remove his shirt. Amelia inspects the back of the shoulder.
AMELIA: Good news is the bullet went all the way through. I’ll clean the blood away.
She takes a white cloth and cleans the wound.
AMELIA: Clench your teeth. This will sting.
She soaks liquid from a bottle into a cotton ball and applies it to the wound. Nigel takes a sharp breath of pain but doesn’t make a sound. She applies the liquid to the other side of the shoulder, and he grits his teeth again. She takes a bandage and tapes it down on each side of the shoulder.
NIGEL: Have to say, Amelia. Getting shot didn’t hurt as much as that disinfectant.
Nigel carefully gets to his feet, then slowly gets back atop his horse.
NIGEL: Arm doesn’t hurt too badly until I try to move it.
AMELIA: We should stop here. I’ll ask the Comanche if we can ride through to Olympia. You might want to let the horses have a drink from the stream.
ROGER: Be careful as you go, Amelia.
She moves her horse forward toward a line of Natives, 100 yards away.
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Fred’s Filled in Missing Scenes
What I learned from this assignment is that a lot of the payoffs aren’t as powerful yet because the setups haven’t been fully developed in the beginning. Revisions is needed in the earlier acts.
I also added some scenes to clarify plot points here and there.
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Gayle Filled in Missing Scenes!
What I learned doing this assignment is that I have a long, long way to go before I can consider these loosely connected scenes are true first draft. What I have here is a guide or a framework and I’m okay with that.
SCENE THAT SHOWS COWBOY AND NURSE ARE FALLING IN LOVE
INT. BASEMENT STUDIO – NIGHT
Cowboy and Nurse subtly inch closer as they speak on the settee
COWBOY: I’d never been out of Texas before – shoot, indoor plumbing alone blew my mind clean out. (curses) Excuse me, Ma’am.
NURSE: That’s all right, I was in Vietnam where most people I me spoke French.
COWBOY: You know, after Rick and Miz Coffey kicked me out of the Alamo I was ready to go into the light. I hear tell it’s like a streak of lightning that hits you all of a sudden-like and a feeling of… I don’t know, this just joy like (give a great analogy that a cowboy would give of sheer bliss)
NURSE: Euphoria.
COWBOY: That’s..
NURSE: (Defines euphoria)
COWBOY: That’s it. How’s it called?
NURSE: Euphoria.
COWBOY: Euphoria. We go to euphoria when that final light hits us and all this – spirit, soul
NURSE: Conscious mind.
COWBOY: It takes us to heaven.
I added this scene because… it will give emotional heft to Cowboy’s death in Act 4
SCENE THAT SHOWS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE QUIT CLAIM DEED
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Samantha and her ATTORNEY having coffee and reviewing the papers they need to file.
SAMANTHA: What’s this?
ATTORNEY: A Quit Claim. Have Rick sign that so you can sell the house.
SAMANTHA: Sell the house?
The faucet MOANS (suggests Caroline)
ATTORNEY: You can sell the family home and split the proceeds or if you choose to live here you will need to remove your husband from the deed. A Quit Claim is the cleanest way to get that done.
SAMANTHA: I don’t think Rick wants to sell. We did the remodel ourselves when we were first married.
ATTORNEY: Then you can sign it over to him and find a new place. Might be better for you if you really want a fresh start. Especially if you’re planning to raise a child. This drafty gothic manor is better suited for a horror movie, not happy families.
Caroline flashes in turning the faucet on.
Samantha goes to the sink to turn off the water.
ATTORNEY: And with the plumbing acting up like this – you don’t need this burden.
SAMANTHA: I hadn’t thought about moving. This house has meant a lot to us. It’s where we first met.
I added this scene because… Samantha needs something that formalizes the separation in her mind and a solid reason for the ghosts to fear the divorce as a loss of their home as well as provided Rick the realization that divorce is coming and he needs to change his game.
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Sandra’s Act 4 Filled In Missing Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is how to fill in missing scenes in the outline, and to use placeholders when I’m not sure. I added several placeholders to Act 4.
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