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Post Your Lesson 28 Assignment Here
Reply and post your assignment here.
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11 Replies
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Dale’s Chronological Edit
What I learned doing this assignment is basically where the script is at. I.e. where it seems to be working and where it still needs things.
My process was: I went through the entire draft of the screenplay as a printed hard copy, making numerous notes in pencil. Then I incorporated those notes into a new draft of the script. Here is where I made improvements:
1. I improved the overall flow, moving scenes as necessary, and figuring out places where I might need a few additional scenes. I sometimes wrote those, and sometimes put a note with a basic description.
2. I improved the dialogue – mostly by editing it down a bit.
3. I improved the clarity – where there were moments of confusion or something that hadn’t been set up previously.
4. I particularly looked at whether the storyline feels incremental, true to characters and earned.
This is, I would say, a strong third draft of the script, but will need other drafts, for sure, to add the missing scenes and to further refine it. But all in all the class got me through an entire draft and a rewrite of that draft!! Yay!
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What I learned from this assignment is that new ideas come that build on the work that has been done so far. It is satisfying to not have to search desperately for “good” ideas, but to have them present themselves based on my cululative knowledge of the characters. Perhaps this concept of subconscious creative really works. Yay!
Mark’s Chronological Edit
In reading through the script, found several places where I could enhance the dialogue and expose what the character was feeling; actually by adding lines that made the dialogue more conversational,
I found that ideas for additional scenes. sometimes even just transition shots, came to mind that would fill in small blank spaces in the story. I was able to add two short scenes that provided backstory to the antagonist, and at the same time created a payoff in the climax.
I made seven notes, which I was then able to research and fill in details. Since my story is a true historical event, I needed details on aircraft of the 1930’s and Alaskan settlement names, not to mention some 1930’s slang – all of which I was able to complete.
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EUGENE’S CHRONOLOGICAL EDIT
What I learned doing this assignment and the entire course was that it has a lot of bugs that have to be worked out. I got pushed out of a number of lessons and had to just stop at one point, temporarily. Tried to get on again later to continue, but again it would not let me enter my material.
1. I would say it did get me to put together the ideas for an entire screenplay, but because of all the technical problems with this new site, I had to work outside the class to work on the screenplay. I could read the assignments, but was unable to functionally complete them.
2. I think I will still complete the 1st Draft of the screenplay outside of this course and may bring on a more experienced writer to work on a revised draft with me.
3. I like the mixture of the Profound Screenplay format and the 20% idea, but the course structure itself was not easy to follow and I have taken several courses in the old system. So in this case I believe the New Ways have not yet advanced to the level of the Old Ways.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by Eugene Mandelcorn.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by
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Melanie’s Chronological Edit
What I learned: the script is getting into fairly good shape but there is definitely more improvement needed. I really needed work on getting the structure of a screenplay down before starting the writing process and I think this course did help with that. Is it done? Not at all but I’m hoping to complete several rewrites and get it into tip-top shape after class is over.
Here’s what I worked on:
1. Dialogue. This script is set in 1777, so I will continue to go back and tweak the nomenclature. But I’ve worked on the “less is more” idea by cutting back on exposition through dialogue.
2. Descriptions. Even though I rewrote a lot of the scene descriptions, I need to cut WAY back during the action sequences. I will continue to work on this.
3. I’ve bookended the script with modern day scenes to retell the story which I hope takes the script to another level.
4. I’ve also tightened scenes to improve the flow of the piece altogether.
All in all this course has helped me get a first draft and rewrite done for a story I’ve been wanting to tell – thank you! It’s slightly too short for a feature, though, so I still have work to do 🙂 Thanks for a great class!
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Clendon – Chronological Edit
[1] What I learned doing this assignment?
I learned to review the major aspects and make sure the chronology of events and the various character arcs align.
[2] Tell us the main improvements you made in your script.
Two main improvements are as follows: first, the protagonist’s love interest needed revising. She was cast aside originally. I had to bring her back, show her character and her willingness to fight for what/whom she loves. It adds to the conflict as the audience realizes the protagonist has to choose between his new love interest and his old love interest.
Second, the development of the antagonist. Initially, he was weak and not really a ‘bad guy.’ I went through the scenes and using the processes learned in class, I was able to amp up his villainess and show not tell, the ways in which he became a much more worthy antagonist.
The description and dialogue in the scenes was not a problem. I worked on the clarity and the flow of the script as I tend to drill down too much in any given scene and slow the overall flow of the script.
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Subject line: Ricardo Williams Chronological Edit
What I learned doing this assignment is how rewarding it feels to have a script that floors. I found a lot of areas that needed work to make the scenes cohesive.
I made progress with the flow and clarity. I still have work to do with the description and the dialogue. I do feel better about the dialogue. This class was very helpful. I am looking for readers for my script and I’ll be happy to read yours in return.
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Sandra Chronological Edit
What I learned doing this assignment is how to improve the flow, clarity, description, and dialogue. I had moved scenes around previously, so the flow and clarity were already good. Most of the improvements were in the descriptions and dialogue. Also, I included a few notes for the next edit.
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What I learned doing this assignment is that by trimming the dialogue, I can invest the conversations with more energy, more clarity, and better flow.
I noticed most of all that my dialogue was too “wordy.” The characters took too many words to say certain things, and the excess verbiage slowed down the pace of the scene and the flow of the script.
I also noticed how important it is to have the transformational events, the midpoint, and the other structural elements in the script. They give it a meaningful framework that keeps the story from wandering and becoming vague. They also ensure that the script will have good elements of drama that keep it lively. And they help the writer stay “on track” with telling the story and exploring the theme, rather than getting bogged down in unnecessary issues and plot developments.
I also observed that the two characters who figure most prominently in most of the script do talk somewhat differently. But I must correct their dialogue to make them even more distinct in the kinds of things they say and the way they say them. I think I can do that by writing a draft that simply concentrates on rewriting and polishing the dialogue throughout.
I found as well that the characters need to take more actions when they’re talking to make the dialogue more realistic and believable, instead of just sounding like characters exchanging speeches.
I need to have more description of the physical environment surrounding the characters. The descriptions should be brief, but I need more of them to give a stronger sense of reality to the story.
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Dave Holloway’s Chronological Edit
What I learned doing this assignment is that by trimming the dialogue, I can invest the conversations with more energy, more clarity, and better flow.
I noticed most of all that my dialogue was too “wordy.” The characters took too many words to say certain things, and the excess verbiage slowed down the pace of the scene and the flow of the script.
I also noticed how important it is to have the transformational events, the midpoint, and the other structural elements in the script. They give it a meaningful framework that keeps the story from wandering and becoming vague. They also ensure that the script will have good elements of drama that keep it lively. And they help the writer stay “on track” with telling the story and exploring the theme, rather than getting bogged down in unnecessary issues and plot developments.
I also observed that the two characters who figure most prominently in most of the script do talk somewhat differently. But I must correct their dialogue to make them even more distinct in the kinds of things they say and the way they say them. I think I can do that by writing a draft that simply concentrates on rewriting and polishing the dialogue throughout.
I found as well that the characters need to take more actions when they’re talking to make the dialogue more realistic and believable, instead of just sounding like characters exchanging speeches.
I need to have more description of the physical environment surrounding the characters. The descriptions should be brief, but I need more of them to give a stronger sense of reality to the story.
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Fred’s Chronological Edit
What I learned doing this assignment is that after numerous revisions and edits the overall quality of the script still feels like 20% or even 15%. I will still need to work on many future drafts to bring this up to a 100% quality script that I can be satisfied with.
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Gayle’s Chronological Edit
What I learned doing this assignment is to just shut up and write. Thinking too much is death to a first draft and although the specific details of the techno-jargon that improves the logic and intelligence can be a placeholder until the next draft or after consulting a professional in that field.
The main improvements I made in the script are to simplify the story and make sure there are no repeated beats or dialogue. I tend to go off on tangents and I used this time to keep the story on track.
I also found it easier to work in sequences, making sure the flow, clarity, description and dialogue worked in each of 7-8 sequences before I moved on to the next one.
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