Post Your Query Letter and Exchange Feedback

[Renee Brown]

ALIENS’ EARTH

1 Hour Sci-fi Drama – Serial

NUTSHELL: Dune meets The Godfather.

CONCEPT: Earth Aliens and Humans must unite against a lurking foe before life on earth is obliterated.

Three alien species live on earth right now: Longheads, Deepers, and Skyfliers. They’ve been here for over 150,000 years. They live in hidden places, disguised from humanity, their peace maintained by a shared prophecy.

But now, peace on earth is in peril!

One of the alien leaders has gone rogue, and a strange, cloaked Planet X has parked next to earth; threatening to blow everyone’s cover. Planet X is a friend to the factions but must be hidden from humans if earth aliens are to survive.

Just when it seems they will restore balance between their factions, a new species arrives that could end them all – the Greys.

Will the prophecy that unites the earth alien factions hold fast? Is the prophecy even real?

When war breaks out over control of earth, can humanity and earth aliens unite to defeat

The Greys?

EPISODE STRUCTURE: Earth Alien factions must move closer to mutual understanding each week if they are to unite with humanity against the Greys.

BIO: Renee Brown was raised on Star Trek, National Geographic, and Velveeta.

[Donna Stockwell]

Hi Renee,

I’m wondering how the aliens keep peace, how the peaceful aliens know that there is another group called the Greys who are not peaceful, how they know the Greys are coming (why do the Greys pick this time to come), and if (and how) the peaceful aliens know what doomsday device or actions the Greys have in their possession and if they’ve used that device/actions before on other worlds.

Hope this helps,

Donna

[Renee Brown]

Thanks Donna,

I think your questions get into the meat of the drama in the series….

they do all have answers 🙂

However, It’s my understanding that we are to stick with high concept and stay away from story details here? If I’m off here, someone please… save me!

That said, if it’s confusing on any level INSTEAD of creating intrigue…I’m in trouble.

So. I’ll go again. Here goes:

ALIENS’ EARTH

1 Hour Sci-fi Drama – Serial

NUTSHELL: Dune meets Godfather.

CONCEPT: Earth’s ancient history is about to be re-written.

SUMMARY: Three alien species live on earth right now: Longheads, Deepers, and Skyfliers. They’ve been here for over 150,000 years; living in hidden places, disguised from humanity. Peace between these earth alien factions is maintained by a shared prophecy.

But now, the delicate balance is tumbling over!

One of the alien leaders has gone rogue, and a strange, cloaked, Planet X has parked next to earth; threatening to blow everyone’s cover. Turns out, Planet X is a friend to the factions, but it must be hidden from humans… for now.

Earth aliens can manage hiding Planet X from humanity. They can even make nice long enough to partner with a top secret human liaison to stop the rogue leader. But when the Greys land on the scene, earth aliens and humans face a foe that could end them all.

Will the prophecy that unites earth alien factions hold fast? Is the prophecy even real?

When war breaks out over control of earth, will humanity and earth aliens unite to defeat the Greys?

EPISODE STRUCTURE: Each week, earth aliens must navigate clashes between their factions, work toward solving an ancient prophecy mystery, and move closer to mutual understanding.

Portrait episodes rotate through the main characters; exploring how each species came to earth and how the shared prophecy was formed.

The top secret human liaisons must manage the propaganda machine that keeps most of humanity in the dark.

Break out episodes explore Planet X , why it is here, and how it traveled to earth.

By the end, everyone has to get on the same page if they are to defeat the Greys.

If they succeed, the victory will create earth’s new chapter: One of peaceful and radical diversity.

[Donna Stockwell]

WOW! A thousand times better, Renee!

[Molly Gagnon]

ALIENS’ EARTH

1 Hour Sci-fi Drama – Serial

NUTSHELL: Dune meets Godfather.

CONCEPT: Hidden from humans an unknown alien prophecy is about to rewrite Earth’s ancient history.

SUMMARY: 3 types of aliens have living sanctions from 2 key humans, and are disguised in caverns under the earth. A shared peace between these earth alien factions is maintained by an unknown and crucial shared prophecy.

But now, the delicate balance is tumbling over!

A rogue alien threatens the balance attempting to disrupt the prophecy scrolls, Planet X is parked next to the earth, hiding in plane site in surveillance as the aliens unknown allies.

A top secret human liaison is coveted to stop the rogue leader and expose planet X. To add to the chaos, they face a foe, the Grey’s, that could end everyones earthly experience.

Will the prophecy that unites earth alien factions hold fast? Is the prophecy even real?

When war breaks out over control of earth, will humanity and earth aliens unite to defeat the Greys?

EPISODE STRUCTURE: Each week, earth aliens must navigate clashes between their factions, work toward solving an ancient prophecy mystery, and move closer to mutual understanding.

Portrait episodes rotate through the main characters; exploring how each species came to earth and how the shared prophecy was formed.

The top secret human liaisons must manage the propaganda machine that keeps most of humanity in the dark.

I just took a STAB! And I could have butchered. Please note I am not an expert.

[Renee Brown]

Ok everyone….

So on yesterday’s zoom it was painfully obvious that I could not articulate my show concept! 🙂

It’s interesting that after 5 months of development and sooooo much intensive work…after writing the pilot … that I opened my mouth and ” blah blah duh ummm….” came out.

But hey, I’m gonna practice non-perfection here and get my tenacious butt right back on that resiliency horse and try again. Because Come on! right? I believe in my show and wanna get this right. So check out the above post and let’s get this feed back party started.

Renee

[Jane Turville]

Hi Renee,

Don’t beat yourself up. In my book this is the hardest part of any writing. Talking about it! Your second draft of your pitch is really looking good! Well done!!

[Donna Stockwell]

Title: Who’s Watching Who
One hour serial: Drama with criminal notes, inspired by a true story.

Concept: A seemingly stable family is disrupted when the mother shows her daughter how to treat her boyfriend which turns into an affair (and elopement), and the husband looks for solace in prostitutes and murders his boss’ friend… and turns into a prime candidate to handle situations for the prostitute’s john.

Summary:
Expecting a home-cooked family dinner, an average home-security salesman returns home after a long day to an empty house.

He should have noticed his wife’s attention to the handyman was more than a natural interest as their daughter’s boyfriend. She left a note that she intends to marry the love of her life who is half her age.

His sadness is set aside as his testosterone shoots up, when he meets his boss’ friend, a prostitute, but peeks when their heated affair turns into murder.

What to do with the body?

His mother is buried in a near-empty vault. When he brings the body to hide it in the vault, his brother is there holding his mother’s body, talking to her as if he’s a little boy.

His boss is threatened by her John, who is the real owner of the home-security store, when her friend does not show.

But the security cameras show what happened. Now he is obliged to continue killing on John’s demand.

Episode Structure: Over the course of the show, we see
How the divorced man gets caught by the prostitute’s John, and gets contracted as a serial killer to kill politicians who do not comply
how a pimp manipulates his prostitutes through a facade of a home-security shop
the underworld of how bodies are hidden in graves
If (and how) an awkward relationship between the mother and daughter can be repaired

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Donna Stockwell. Reason: capitalized the title

[Renee Brown]

Hi Donna,

Super cool that this is inspired by a true story! Heeeeello Mrs. Robinson x 10!

I’m getting a bit lost in the drama details here. Could you stream line the Concept into more of an overall series statement?

I have the feeling you are using the pilot as inciting incident here, do I have that right? I’m not sure if that should be stated? Maybe Hall can clarify on Thurs?

As I understand it, the episode structure is meant to identify the engine that will carry the series 5-6 seasons. not sure I’m feeling that yet.

looking forward to seeing the next draft….

Renee

[Donna Stockwell]

Title: Who’s watching who
One hour serial: Drama with criminal notes, inspired by a true story.

Concept: A seemingly stable family is disrupted when the mother shows her daughter how to treat her boyfriend which turns into an affair (and elopement), and the husband looks for solace in prostitutes and murders his boss’ friend, only to find that she was a prostitute and her pimp decides to take advantage of his enjoyment of murder.

Summary:
Expecting a home-cooked family dinner, an average home-security salesman returns home after a long day to an empty house.

He should have noticed his wife’s attention to the handyman was more than a natural interest as their daughter’s boyfriend. She left a note that she intends to marry the love of her life who is half her age.

His sadness is set aside as his testosterone shoots up, when he meets his boss’ friend, a prostitute, but peeks when their heated affair turns into murder.

What to do with the body?

His mother is buried in a near-empty vault. When he brings the body to hide it in the vault, his brother is there holding his mother’s body, talking to her as if he’s a little boy.

His boss is threatened by her John, who is the real owner of the home-security store, when her friend does not show.

But the security cameras show what happened. Now he is obliged to continue killing on John’s demand.

Episode Structure: This inciting pilot will uncover the following over the course of the seasons:
– How the divorced man gets caught by the prostitute’s John, and gets contracted as a serial killer to kill politicians who do not comply
– How a pimp manipulates his prostitutes through a facade of a home-security shop
– The underworld of how bodies are hidden in graves
– If (and how) an awkward relationship between the mother and daughter can be repaired

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Donna Stockwell.

[Renee Brown]

Hi Donna! I see what you are doing here…. I think it would become more clear if you ditched the poetic prose and spoke to me like I am a 5 year old. (come on….I can take it… and yes, I know you really wouldn’t tell a story like this to a 5 year old…..)

Here’s what I’m thinking. Perhaps instead of:

His sadness is set aside as his testosterone shoots up, when he meets his boss’ friend, a prostitute, but peeks when their heated affair turns into murder.

What to do with the body?

His mother is buried in a near-empty vault. When he brings the body to hide it in the vault, his brother is there holding his mother’s body, talking to her as if he’s a little boy.

His boss is threatened by her John, who is the real owner of the home-security store, when her friend does not show.

But the security cameras show what happened. Now he is obliged to continue killing on John’s demand.

Something like: (making up names here)

Steven is devastated. Until he meets his buddy’s friend, Wanda… who happens to be a prostitute. Good times turn murderous when Steven accidentally kills Wanda!

Wanda’s pimp wants to know what happened… but more than that, he’s looking for a new hitman for his prostitution ring. Looks like he just found his guy.

[Donna Stockwell]

oh, I didn’t know we could use names. And I’m not sure I’d use the word prostitute in front of a 5 year old lol.

Thanks so much!

[Molly Gagnon]

Hi Donna! Sorry I am late to the game! This is a very detailed story that has a great premise!

My question is how do you make it juicy, and concise? Still trying to figure this out myself.

Concept: A seemingly stable family is disrupted when the mother shows her daughter how to treat her boyfriend which turns into an affair (and elopement), and the husband looks for solace in prostitutes and murders his boss’ friend, only to find that she was a prostitute and her pimp decides to take advantage of his enjoyment of murder.

A mother has an affair with her daughters boyfriend, her husband turns to murder and prostitution for enjoyment and when looking in from the outside Leave it to Beaver lives here.

This is probably not right I am sure, but just an examples of what I am seeing is the concept. But Hal will scare us straight tonight!

[Molly Gagnon]

Title Carrington Manor

Format/Genre ½ hour Comedy/ Serial

Concept: Gwenn, an Occupational Therapist , takes a job at Carrington Manor, a company who is under surveillance for medicare Fraud.

Main Character surface situation 1: Gwenn’s mother will not sign over her Power of Attorney, making it impossible for her to take care of her mother who only wears open kimonos, bathes her cat snickers and is in denial she has dementia.

But how does Gwenn stay positive while working in an old supply closet, her student loan company threatening to suspend her license, a boss who is unknowingly a lesbian, and co workers who thinks using plungers is best practice?

Episode Structure: She knows at any moment footage from security cameras could be pulled and medicare can see what really happens there. But it is the only job offer she has.

It’s a cross between scrubs and reality TV with black and white security cameras revealing one side of the truth and the main camera revealing the other.

Bio – Molly McNeal is a Script Writer and an Occupational Therapist who spent 10 years in Short term stay nursing homes.

Ok People! Let er rip!

[Jane Turville]

Hi all,

Don’t worry Molly, you’re not the only one coming in under the wire! Here’s my sorry attempt at a pitch. I’m open to any and all ideas for making it come across more thrilling!!

Also I want to apologize to all of you as you’ve probably not heard anything from me in the forum. Somehow, just a Module 2 started, I got deleted from the forum. Luckily, I still received the lessons and assignments by email, but I’ve only just been able to access the forum for this class again. I feel bad that I’ve missed most of the class discussions.

My pilot is complete and so if anyone is interested in swapping pilots for feedback, I would love to hear from you. That said, here’s my whack at a pitch:

THIRTEEN WEEKS

1 hour Mystery Thriller – Serial

Concept: A 17-year-old loner’s covert plan to kidnap her sister is sidelined when she discovers the mountain lodge she works at is base camp for a human trafficking ring.

Summary:

Jodie Walker has the false ID’s and enough stolen money to get them across state lines.

Her plan is almost ready to launch. Just one more task to do. Get her father’s signature. He’s a wilderness recluse so she will take a 13-week summer job at Palula Lodge in order to find him.

Then Susie shows up.

Mercurial and seemingly omnipotent, Susie is on her own mission – a dangerous one. An accomplished manipulator, Susie drags Jodie into a web of lies and betrayal as they delve into what happens at the lodge when the summer season is over. The further they investigate, they more evidence they find that the sleepy lodge is a hub for a human trafficking ring who, in the off season, “process” human cargo.

When no one is who they appear to be, who can be trusted?

As Jodie and Susie, with the help of two other misfits – Miguel and Lucas – uncover the dark secrets of the lodge staff, the lines blur between good and evil. Deceit, cover-ups, double crosses and murder – just how deep into the community do the ring’s tentacles reach? The bigger question – how far are Jodie and Susie willing to go to bring down the ring.

Episode Structure: Representing one week per episode, each episode builds on the previous week’s story as the loner and her three misfit friends engage in a cat and mouse game with human traffickers, the local law and each other.

Bio: Open to writing assignments, J.C. Turville
is the author of 7 award-winning screenplays.

[Daniel Melin]

EVERLASTING SUMMER

1 Hour Fantasy

CONCEPT: An aspiring magician decides to lift a curse his mentor has placed on several young men and master new and darker forms of magic, while navigating the magical underworld that threatens to consume his small, Midwestern city.

Levi has been making his living as a construction worker, but every night he visits the fairy kingdom of Everlasting Summer, and aspires to become a magician. The kingdom is ruled by Titania, the mythical fairy queen, who teaches Levi magic, but cautions him never to use it outside the safe confines of Everlasting Summer.

But Levi doesn’t want stay within those boundaries.

One night, Levi’s boss goads him into performing magic to prove that he can do it. Later that night a werewolf attacks a police officer, and Levi must find a way to protect his secret and keep any more supernatural dangers from threatening his hometown.

EPISODE STRUCTURE: Every episode, more of the magic from Everlasting Summer will leak into the world of Athens, Levi’s hometown, posing all kinds of dangers, which Levi will have to contain.

BIO: This show was created by Daniel Melin, who in his other life pays the bills working for a general contractor.

[Barbara Gilmore]

Thanks Hal, I really enjoyed last week’s call and it was great to finally meet in person albeit virtually. Due to the time difference I can only make the Saturday calls so sending my apologies in advance.

Here is the 2nd draft of my letter. I’d like to eventually come up with an improved title but for now using this one.

I’m open to feedback.

TITLE: Green Lake

FORMAT/GENRE: 50 minute Crime Drama – Serial

CONCEPT: After her career ambitions are thwarted, a big city detective returns to the small town where her brother disappeared five years before in order to help the local Sheriff solve a gruesome double murder.

How far will a detective go to solve her cases without sacrificing her ambitions, the woman, and the community that she loves?

SUMMARY:

After her career ambitions are thwarted, Jessica (Jess) Pearson, an ex-Big City detective is sent to investigate the gruesome double murder of a young married couple, Anna and Steve, and the disappearance of their friend, Luke Smith, in the small vacation town, Green Lake, where her family used to spend their summers until her brother, Adam, disappeared in what now appears to be similar circumstances to the Smith case.

Jess wants to become Sheriff, but long-term incumbent, Sheriff Linda Moore, who Jess blames for failing to solve her brother’s case, doesn’t want to retire.

As Jess works to solve both cases, she finds herself reliving the pain of her brother’s disappearance while dealing with the fallout from a relationship gone wrong. Green vinter, climate artist, and love of her life, Sarah Watson hasn’t forgiven Jess for leaving her, besides Sarah has big plans of her own all the way to the Senate.

When Sarah’s boyfriend, Nick Beresford, becomes the primary suspect in the Smith case, Jess is drawn back into Sarah’s world. Jess doesn’t believe that Nick is the killer and sets out to expose the truth, but in doing so uncovers an elaborate web of corruption that connects the Sheriff’s Department to local businesses, politicians, and organized crime.

Jess is left wondering how much she’ll risk to solve both cases, and bring her brother, Adam, back home.

EPISODE STRUCTURE: This detective must solve cases while taking down her bosses elaborate web of corruption.

BIO:

Feature Screenwriter Quarter-Finalist Filmmatic’s Inroads Fellowship Season 4 (2021) with Step Out of the Shadows

Quarter-Finalist ScreenCraft Action & Adventure (2021) with Step Out of the Shadows

Quarter-Finalist Fresh Voices (2012) with BlindSpot

UBCP/ACTRA Background Actor

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Barbara Gilmore.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Barbara Gilmore.

[Daniel Melin]

Hey Barbara,

Love your show concept.

I would be more specific about what Jess’s career ambitions were (get promoted, move to a more well-known precinct, transfer from one department to another…) and how they were thwarted (Did she fail to solve an important case, get sabotaged by a coworker or superior…).

Don’t repeat the exact same phrase for the opening of the concept and the summary. Maybe say what Jess’s ambition was in the concept, and then elaborate with how the ambition was sabotaged when you get to the summary.

Run-on sentence in the first section of your summary, and some other wordy/confusing sections. Try something like this instead:

Jess Pearson is a Big City detective whose plans for a promotion are sabotaged by her corrupt captain. Disillusioned, she returns to Green Lake, the small vacation town where her family used to spend their summers… until her brother Adam mysteriously disappeared.

When she arrives, the local sheriff, Linda Moore, approaches her about a case, but Jess still harbors ill feelings towards Moore, who unsuccessfully investigated Jess’s brother’s disappearance.

Linda asks for Jess’s help investigating the gruesome double murder of a young married couple and the disappearance of their friend. Despite the bad blood between them, Jess accepts. As Jess starts to investigate, shocking similarities emerge between the new disappearance and that of Jess’s brother many years ago, dredging up old demons.

Matters grow more complicated when the prime suspect, Nick Beresford, turns out to be dating Jess’s ex-girlfriend– who still hasn’t forgiven Jess for leaving her, and obstructs Jess’s investigation to keep her from ruining her bid for a seat in the Senate.

As Jess continues to investigate, she uncovers an elaborate web of corruption that connects the Sheriff’s Department to local businesses, politicians, and organized crime.

Jess is left wondering how much she’ll risk to solve both cases, and bring her brother, Adam, back home.

[Barbara Gilmore]

I made some changes including to the title…and built out a few things too..

TITLE: Three Lakes

FORMAT/GENRE: 50 minute Crime Drama – Serial

CONCEPT: After her career ambitions are thwarted, a big city detective returns to the small town where her brother disappeared five years before in order to help the local Sheriff solve a gruesome double murder.

How far will a detective go to solve cold cases without sacrificing herself, the woman, and the communities that she loves?

Alternative concept: is a bit wordy so I might stick to the above logline.

When a big city detective with a penchant for hacking has her high-profile case thrown out on a data privacy violation, she’s demoted and reassigned to another jurisdiction to help solve their cold cases. Within a day of her arrival she’s sent to help the local Sheriff solve a gruesome double murder in the same small town where her brother disappeared five years before.

SUMMARY:

When Jessica (Jess) Pearson, an ambitious big city detective with a penchant for hacking, has one of her high profile cases thrown out on a data privacy violation, she’s demoted and reassigned to a sprawling rural jurisdiction to help solve their cold cases. Within a day of her arrival she’s sent to investigate the gruesome double murder of a young married couple, Anna and Steve, and the disappearance of their friend, Luke Smith, in the small vacation town, Green Lake, where her family used to spend their summers until her brother, Adam, disappeared in what now appears to be similar circumstances to the Smith case.

Jess wants to become Sheriff, but long-term incumbent, Sheriff Linda Moore, who Jess blames for failing to solve her brother’s case, doesn’t want to retire.

As Jess works to solve both cases, she finds herself reliving the pain of her brother’s disappearance while dealing with the fallout from a relationship gone wrong. Green vinter, climate artist, and love of her life, Sarah Watson hasn’t forgiven Jess for leaving her, besides Sarah has big plans of her own all the way to the Senate.

Once idyllic Green Lake and surrounding villages are now grappling with rural gentrification, climate change, pollution, and a water crisis, pitting business against business, neighbour against neighbour, and Sarah against the town.

When Sarah’s boyfriend, environmental activist Nick Beresford, becomes the primary suspect in the Smith case, Jess is drawn back into Sarah’s world. Jess doesn’t believe that Nick is the killer and sets out to expose the truth, but in doing so uncovers an elaborate web of corruption that connects the Sheriff’s Department to big agriculture, Sarah’s vineyard, politicians, and organized crime that is destroying these once idyllic and thriving communities.

Jess is left wondering how much she’ll risk to solve both cases, and bring her brother, Adam, back home, while trying to save the local communities from destruction.

EPISODE STRUCTURE: This detective must solve cases and get justice while dismantling an elaborate web of corruption that is destroying once idyllic and thriving communities.

[Barbara Gilmore]

3rd draft and one I’ve been using to pitch via a site that I’ve used for awhile. I’m reticent about using Linkedin just yet.

I’ve pitched 8 times no script requests just yet but getting consistently positive feedback “strong pitch just not what we are looking for at this time” and some producers are adding a personal note to get back in touch in the future.

TITLE: Three Lakes

FORMAT/GENRE: 50 minute Crime Drama – Serial

CONCEPT:

After her career ambitions are thwarted, a big city detective returns to the small town where her brother disappeared five years before in order to help the local Sheriff solve a gruesome double murder.

SUMMARY:

When Jessica (Jess) Pearson, an ambitious big city detective with a penchant for hacking, has one of her high profile cases thrown out on a data privacy violation, she’s demoted and reassigned to a sprawling rural jurisdiction to help solve their cold cases. Within a day of her arrival she’s sent to investigate the gruesome double murder of a young married couple, Anna and Steve, and the disappearance of their friend, Luke Smith, in the small vacation town, Green Lake, where her family used to spend their summers until her brother, Adam, disappeared in what now appears to be similar circumstances to the Smith case.

Jess wants to become Sheriff, but long-term incumbent, Sheriff Linda Moore, who Jess blames for failing to solve her brother’s case, doesn’t want to retire.

As Jess works to solve both cases, she finds herself reliving the pain of her brother’s disappearance while dealing with the fallout from a relationship gone wrong. Green vinter, climate artist, and love of her life, Sarah Watson hasn’t forgiven Jess for leaving her, besides Sarah has big plans of her own all the way to the Senate.

Once idyllic Green Lake and surrounding villages are now grappling with rural gentrification, extreme weather events, wildfires, pollution, and a water crisis, pitting business against business, neighbour against neighbour, and Sarah against the town.

When Sarah’s boyfriend, environmental activist Nick Beresford, becomes the primary suspect in the Smith case, Jess is drawn back into Sarah’s world. Jess doesn’t believe that Nick is the killer and sets out to expose the truth, but in doing so uncovers an elaborate web of corruption that connects the Sheriff’s Department to big business, politicians, and organized crime and destroying these once idyllic and thriving communities.

Jess is left wondering how much she’ll risk to solve both cases, and bring her brother, Adam, back home, while trying to save the local communities from destruction.

EPISODE STRUCTURE: This detective must solve cases and get justice while dismantling an elaborate web of corruption that is destroying once idyllic and thriving communities.

BIO:

Feature Screenwriter Quarter-Finalist Filmmatic’s Inroads Fellowship Season 4 (2021) with Step Out of the Shadows

Quarter-Finalist ScreenCraft Action & Adventure (2021) with Step Out of the Shadows

Quarter-Finalist Fresh Voices (2012) with BlindSpot

UBCP/ACTRA Background Actor

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  Barbara Gilmore.

[Jane Turville]

Hi all,

After getting feedback last week, here’s my second whack at a pitch. Would love to get your feedback if you have time. Also, still looking for someone who would like to trade scripts for feedback. Let me know if you’re interested.

Here goes ….

THIRTEEN WEEKS

1 hour Mystery Thriller – Serial

Series Concept: Four misfit teens put their lives on the line to take down an international human trafficking ring.

Summary – Season 1:

A dog runs down a peaceful hiking trail carrying a human foot.

Jodie, Susie, Miguel and Lucas each have their own reason for taking a summer job at the beautiful Palula Falls lodge – and it isn’t to work in nature. Convinced that a human trafficking ring stole her newborn baby, Susie has tracked the ring to Palula Falls. She drags the other three into a web of lies and betrayal as they delve into what happens at the lodge when the summer season is over. The deeper they dig, the more evidence they find that the sleepy lodge is a hub for a human trafficking ring who, in the off season, “process” human cargo there.

Then Susie kills one of the ringleaders.

The body has got to be disposed of without alerting either the law or the ring. If they are going to save themselves and get away with murder, they have to find how deep and where the ring’s tentacles reach and shine the murder on the ring. THE FUGITIVE meets RIVERDALE as the four embark on a perilous game of cat and mouse to stop the flow of human cargo, stay one step ahead of the law and outwit the posse of ring members determined to kill them at any cost.

Episode Structure – Season 1: Each episode tells the story of one week at the lodge. Episode 1’s teaser happens during Week 12 of their time at the lodge. Episodes 1 – 11 tell the story up to the discovery of the dismembered foot. Episode 12 takes off when the foot is found. The season finale culminates as closely pursued by the ring and the law, the four make a daring escape vowing to bring down the ring. Or die trying.

Bio: Open to writing assignments, J.C.
Turville is the author of 7 award-winning screenplays.

[Barbara Gilmore]

does anyone have the link to the Facebook group as I couldn’t find it thanks…

[Barbara Gilmore]

I just wanted to say that my pitch made it into the QFs of Filmmatic’s Pitch Now contest announced in January. I sent my pitch in on the final day of the contest:wasn’t confident they would like it. I’ve also pitched to about 12 producers and had a 50% script request rate. I couldn’t have improved my writing without this course. So thank you to Hal and Cheryl.