Subtext Mastery Lesson 6 Assignments

[Sylvia Krawczyk]

Sylvia Krawczyk: Lesson 6: Applying Dialogue Subtext

What I learned doing this assignment is…More ways to add intrigue. I’ll be going over the whole script with these new insights.

Dialogue covers subtext.

Magda picks up a long thin whipping stick and stares at Elsie.

Elsie stares at Magda then, looks away quickly.

MAGDA
The old forest woman lives in the caves below

in the lower forest. She puts children to sleep

and eats poisonous berries, birds and…

Magda gets distracted.

MAGDA (CONT’D)

…butterflies!

She sees a colorful butterfly and swings at it with her stick.

Elsie runs after and pushes Magda.

ELSIE

Stop it!

Dialogue points to subtext.

MAGDA
Better be careful of the old forest

woman.

ELSIE
What old forest woman?

MAGDA
The one that will steal you away.

ELSIE
I’ve already been stolen.

[Norene Smiley]

ASSIGNMENT 6 – SUBTEXT DIALOGUE

NORENE SMILEY – TROUBLE

VERSION 1. DIALOGUE COVERS SUBTEXT:

Scrap wonders about how she came to live at the Keep and where she came from. The more Bardo tells the story, the more it changes. He is either an unreliable narrator or is hiding something. Something is fishy.

Bardo: “—found you by a big trash bin—“ A jab from Ruby. “—no, that’s not it. I spied you under the park bench, all wrapped up snug as a bug in a blanket, in spite of the snow. Next to the Wentworth St. bus stop, I’m sure of it. Remember it well. The dumpster behind the Ravoli Cafe beside the Museum of Natural History, that’s the ticket. Good at finding, I am.” Bardo beamed at me, mopping up the rivers of sweat running into his eyes.

VERSION 2. DIALOGUE POINTS TO SUBTEXT:

Example 1 – Ruby wondering why the normal precautions to keep the Keep secure are not working.

Ruby: “I fortified the repel and scatter conjures just this morning, three times over! Did not?

Trouble pressed her lips together.

Ruby: “Not one measly crumb, nor blade of grass nor creature of any kind should be able to rupture spells that steadfast. Is that not so?”

Ruby stopped in the middle of the kitchen, waiting for agreement. Trouble braced her skinny arms across her chest and scowled.

Ruby: “But instead, they’re as thin as parchment, with birds poking through all higgery piggery, and you, prancing like a mad thing on top of the house! ”

Example 2: Where Ruby and Bardo worry about what’s up with Scrap.

Ruby: “But how they doing it? The spells have never fizzled before. Why now? What’s causing—“

Bardo (grabbed her arm, hanging on for mercy.) “Don’t think–it’s her? The girl’s been patchy, of late. You said so yourself.”

Ruby: “Don’t be daft. She’s only nine—it’s too soon.“

But Ruby’s eyes reluctantly rose to the ceiling.

What I learned from this assignment: I found the two versions of subtext in dialogue a bit hard not to confuse. I need more practice!

[Joseph Bronzi]

What I learned doing this assignment is that subtext in dialogue is easier if you have a subtext situation or action. Also, that there are two ways to add subtext to your dialogue – cover the subtext with dialogue or point to it SUBTLY with the dialogue. Too “on-the-nose” isn’t good.

In “Parish Road”, there’s a scene where Lisa, at her sister’s wedding, gets braced by said sister about her current boyfriend. Lisa uses dialogue to cover the subtext already, but by removing some “on-the-nose” stuff and adding dialogue that only points to the subtext, I was able to make it a much better scene:

INT. RECEPTION HALL – BATHROOM – NIGHT

LISA is at one mirror and her sister NINA, the bride, is at the other. They’re getting ready to rejoin the party.

NINA
Hey, I practiced the bouquet toss! Line up to the left.

LISA
I’m in no rush to get old like you. Mind your business.

NINA
My baby sister is my business. About six yards deep and to the left.

LISA
Mind-

NINA
Don’t make me waste all that practice. You want Keisha to catch it?

LISA
-your business. I don’t care if Keisha catches it.

NINA
Bad luck to lie to a bride on her wedding day.

LISA
Besides, our cousin got hands for feet. She’s not catching a damn thing.

NINA
Baby, you need some good news in your life.

LISA
My sister got married. That’s my good news. Bad news is, I gotta go stop James from doing the Wobble.

NINA
For real?

[SERITA STEVENS]

Lesson 6 –

Dialogue covers subtext.

The couple is out with friends. “I admire Linda’s religious commitment not to drink.” Eric hates her “false values.”

“Eric is such a wonderful husband the way he takes care of me.”

She inches her sleeves up to hide the bruises.

Dialogue points to subtext

At the wedding, everyone is having a good time and Eric stays in corner talking to an older man.

Linda, honey, this is my godfather Al.

Oh, wonderful, then he can teach the baby his religious values

(She doesn’t realize that Eric is saying Al is his real mob godfather.)

[Joseph Herbst]

SUBJECT: Lesson 5 Applying Action Subtext

What I learned from this lesson is that scenes can become much richer and more profound when characters hide what they really want to say under dialogue that is not “on the nose”. Lacing the dialogue with subtext allows the audience to deduce the true meaning behind the character’s words.

Version 1: Dialogue Covers Subtext

Gem and Paladin, Flicker’s parents, argue about Flicker’s lack of discipline and his handicap. On the surface, it appears both are talking about Flicker, but Gem is really referring to Paladin’s youth.

Gem: “How can not feeding him be good for him?”

Paladin: “Discipline! He knows he’s not supposed to go anywhere near Shorehaven Castle.”

Gem: “Unfortunately, he seems to have forgotten much of what he has learned. I so wish he would open his heart again.”

After arriving in San Francisco, Flicker encounters a bulldog with whom he engages in conversation. Flicker believes the bulldog is offering to help when in reality he’s trying to sell drugs to Flicker.

Bull Dog: “Hey pal, you good? You need some stuff?”

Flicker: “Stuff?”

Bull Dog: “Yeah, stuff. You need something or not?”

Flicker: “Oh, yeah. I need to find The Mystic. Will your stuff help?”

Bull Dog: “You’re not from around here, are you pal?

Brought before the Council of Elders, Flicker believes the Council is preparing him to eventually take over the Kingdom. In reality, the Council Leader is declaring him unfit to be a dragon.

Council Leader: “As heir to the Kingdom, young Flicker, we see great potential and leadership ability in you. You will go on to do great things.”

Version 2: Dialogue Points to Subtext

Paladin (to Gem): “Tomorrow we take him before the Council and let them deal with him as they wish.” (Points to Paladin’s disappointment in Flicker, who sees his son’s handicap as a hindrance to the Kingdom.)

Flicker: (to himself): “I’ll fix this, Father. Then you will like me.” (Points to Flicker planning to once again defy his father’s wishes; one of the primary reasons he was stripped of his birthright. He does the wrong things for the right reasons.)

Susie (to Flicker): “Wanna be friends? Maybe I can help you get un-lost.” (Points to Susie’s intent to betray Flicker and destroy him.)

[Sandra Nelles]

Sandra’s Dialogue Subtext

What I learned doing this lesson is how to use dialogue to cover subtext or to point to subtext, and the questions to ask to help in the process.

Version 1: Dialogue Covers Subtext

Outside a restaurant, Lucy thinks she sees her husband with another woman. Feeling betrayed she turns, and rushes back to her car.

Husband calls: Where are you?

Lucy answers: I hate your grey shirt.

Husband: Do you want me to bring you lunch?

Version 2: Dialogue Points to Subtext

Lucy walks into the living room and sneezes several times. She sees a bouquet of flowers with lilies, and quickly takes them outside to the garbage. Phones her husband assuming he sent them.

Lucy: How could you forget?

Husband: Give me a hint.

Lucy: My cousin’s wedding.

Husband: The reason we attend outdoor Easter services.

Lucy: Then you need to get a refund.

[Joseph Rondina]

DIALOGUE SUBTEXT

Covers subtext:

HARLAN RAY

Want “Boss Man”? Learn the business

the way I did. Turns out it’s not

“your potential”, then do whatever.

FARON

Make music.

HARLAN RAY

Amount to nothing with that. Been

there, I know. Nobody’s happy with

who they become on that journey.

FARON

Maybe you just quit on yourself. So

you quit on my chances too. But

give me a year, I’ll make it.

CHANGED TO:

HARLAN RAY

Want “Boss Man”? Learn the business

the way I did. Turns out it’s not

“your potential”, then do whatever.

FARON

Make music.

HARLAN RAY

Amount to nothing with that.

Nobody’s happy with who they become

on that journey, so they give up.

FARON

Maybe your “no quit” policy only

arrived after I was born. But give

me a year, I’ll make it.

Points to subtext

SLIM TIRED

I see. Big Boys looking for a heartthrob.

He ain’t even growed.

(to Faron)

Wouldn’t get too excited about your

turn, Sonny. Better go on home.

FARON

Not hardly an option.

SLIM TIRED

Don’t make me hurt you, boy. I’m

way past desperation.

FARON

You and me both, friend, but I’m

the one’s going through that stage

door. Not back to permanent stink.

CHANGED TO

SLIM TIRED

I see. Big Boys looking for a heartthrob.

He ain’t even growed.

(to Faron)

Wouldn’t too excited about your

turn, Sonny. Better go on home.

FARON

Not hardly an option.

SLIM TIRED

Don’t make me hurt you, boy. I’m

way past desperation.

FARON

Did’t see your name on my

copyright. So, looks like I’m the

one’s going through that stage

door. Not back to permanent stink.

What I learned: How this technique instantly improves

dialogue and story line references/subtext! A great tool!

[Lauren Y Walker]

Dialogue Covers Subtext

I would like to use this tactic in the opening scene to immediately have the reader wonder if the detective that Lisa is pulled over by, a bad cop who is by the book and by the shield and not one to look out for fellow African Americans, or is there more to him than meets the eye. Can he be trusted…what side of the shield does he stand on is the question I will plant in the readers’ heads with dialogue the covers subtext.

Dialogue Points to Subtext

In the scene that will reveal the story’s theme there will be an incident at the truck plaza cashier area where being ignored or served or even skipped over becomes the experience of a person not of color. They get a taste of treatment that those of color experience from time to time. This will occur on the heels of having been watched as they went through the store, simply because their clothing suggested homeless or indigent. The dialogue between the victim and the cashier points to incantation on the part of cashier that they made assumptions based upon biases/stereotypes and the exchange by the victim has subtext undertones that this behavior is not acceptable and in their estimation should be reserved for those of color – they are above that treatment.

What I learned is that great subterfuge can begin on page one with good subtext dialogue banter. I haven’t completed the assignment with dialogue cause dialogue is hard for me, but this assignment has forced me like the Subtext Action assignment to look at my scene outline a consider where I can add these elements.

[David Wetzel]

Lesson 6 Assignment – Applying Dialogue Subtext

What I learned doing this assignment is, once you look through your screenplay and find the scenes with “on the nose,” writing, you can apply to Subtext Mastery tools to improve the scenes.

Version 1: Dialogue covers subtext.

The Japanese are about to try to cross the dangerous Thanzit River at night to avoid detection by the Allied forces. They’ve fashioned a large wooden raft and have wounded soldiers piled on top while thirty troops are waist deep in the fast moving river. Despite Takeshi's words of comfort, Yoshi has no illusions about how dangerous the crossing is going to be.

EXT. THANZIT RIVER – NIGHT

Captain Osamu climbs on top of the raft and more groans emit from the wounded soldiers.

Yoshi and Takeshi are deep in the choppy water near the middle of the makeshift lifeboat.

YOSHI
I once read drowning is painful, I hope they're wrong.

TAKESHI
No one is drowning little brother.

Yoshi snickers while Takeshi lashes one of his hands tightly to a log on the raft.

YOSHI
It's four hundred meters over to mainland Burma, the river is up, and we can't see past our noses.

Captain Osamu raises his stick while Takeshi tightens his grip.

YOSHI
You're right.

YOSHI
(wry)
I'm sure we're safe.

Version 2: Dialogue points to subtext.

Yoshi, Hasu and Takeshi have so far survived numerous horrible attacks in the deadly mangrove swamps of Burma. Both from the Allied forces that strafe them with fighter jets from above and the bloodthirsty crocodiles and poisonous snakes that infest the swamps. Hasu is very religious, but he fears his luck is running out and that none of them will ever survive their treacherous journey across ten miles of swamps to reach mainland Burma. Yoshi has bedded down for the night, Hasu and Takeshi are alone.

EXT – MANGROVE SWAMPS – NIGHT

An eerie silence hangs over the two for a moment.

HASU
(somber)
I'm beginning to believe Yoshi; I don't think God is with us anymore.

Takeshi is unsettled by Hasu’s confession.

HASU
How could he find us in here? All I see is death,…I just hope I'm brave when it comes for me.

The owl's eerie call adds to the uneasy tension.

HASU
I'm sorry, but I need to ask you for a favor, while I still can.

Hasu looks ahead, into the gloomy darkness.

HASU
I'm not fast like you, or brave, or even a very good shot.

Takeshi listens but appears uneasy.

HASU
If those things attack us again, and things get bad.

Hasu looks back at Takeshi, serious, the owl calls again.

Then, without a word, Hasu nods at Takeshi's pistol.

TAKESHI
(unsettled)
We'll be OK, we have guns.

HASU
And you're a very skilled marksman, I've seen it.

TAKESHI
Just stay close.

HASU
(resolute)
Promise me, please.

Takeshi slowly nods, Hasu now appears at peace.

Hasu departs and readies to bed down next to Yoshi.

Takeshi is solemn as he resumes massaging his wounded leg.

He pulls out his pistol and works the firing mechanism, then cradles the gun in both hands.

After a moment, Takeshi glances over at Hasu, he's softly reciting a prayer, Takeshi holsters his pistol.

• This reply was modified 5 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 5 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 5 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 5 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 5 months ago by  David Wetzel.
• This reply was modified 5 months ago by  David Wetzel.

[Denice Lewis]

What I learned doing this assignment is that I want to add more because they’re fun.

Dialogue covers subtext:
1. Luther says “Don’t wreck my bike” when he lets her use it. He means “be careful” since he just threw the money she
gave him on the floor.
2. Blake tells Maya he’s aware of everything she does, even when she’s not home.
She’s says, “How boring. Just install spyware.” Subtext is that her life is boring and why not control more of her life.
3. Maya tells the cook “I’d want a mom to be like you.” We know Maya doesn’t have a mom in her life.
4. Maya uses the excuse that she’s going to be late to class to refuse to open her birthday gift from her estranged
grandmother.

Dialogue points to subtext:
1. Maya destroys a picture of her with her dad with a lethal kick which tells the audience how she feels about his betrayal.
2. Maya tells her limo driver about her dad: “If his secrets were water, I’d be at the bottom of the sea.” This points to
secrets her dad hides, and that she’s drowning in them.

[Nancy Nielsen-Young]

This is where I usually get, Too on the nose, comments. I’m thinking if I use more sarcasm or ridiculous insults instead of regular conversation, I can bring out the subtext in a non-direct, and not on the nose comment. Where’s my book on Shakespeare insults?