Thriller 15

[William Whiteford]

ASSIGNMENT 15
William Whiteford – Thriller Map Version 2
1. While rewriting my Thriller Map, I realized the crucial role that clues play in leading to the resolution of mysteries. Initially, after a strong opening (a man with a rifle shooting a bird, a Hitchcock-inspired twist), the tension diminished in Act 1. This was because my protagonist, Glen, a writer, wasn’t facing sufficient danger or threats before the central conflict emerged.
2. Main Improvements:
I have added three additional clues and introduced three new obstacles for the Hero in Act 2.
3. Request for Feedback:
I would appreciate it if the next reviewer could focus on whether all the clues effectively lead to solving the mysteries and if the tension is consistently maintained throughout Act 1.
My Thriller Map Version 2: Enhanced After Feedback
Title: The Secretary
Logline: A celebrated author chases his enigmatic secretary, who frames him for a heinous crime, only to uncover a web of betrayal spun by his alluring but treacherous wife.

Act 1
1. EXT. PARK – DAY
Glen Gordon, a writer, notices a shadowy, bearded man carrying a rifle with a scope while walking in the park. The man vanishes into the bushes, and moments later, a gunshot rings out. Startled, Glen continues home, only to find a bleeding crow hanging from a branch. He’s left wondering: What’s happening?
2. INT. GORDON’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Glen and his wife, Grace, watch a news report about a fugitive veteran who escaped from a local psychiatric clinic. Their cat, Basil, sits beside them. Feeling trapped in their current life, Grace suggests they move to a Pacific island. Glen, a former Merchant Navy Captain, dismisses the idea, saying he’s had his fill of traveling. Frustrated, Grace accuses him of prioritizing his literary career over their family life, mentioning that his secretary, Jack, is much more understanding. Glen promises to consider traveling next year.
3. INT. GLEN’S STUDY – DAY
Glen discusses his new thriller idea with his secretary, Jack Hamilton, inspired by the image of the dying bird, but he keeps most of the details to himself. Jack helps prepare his credentials for an interview. When Glen asks why they never met at the Santa Barbara Literary Workshop, Jack explains he’s a passionate autodidact who took an online course.
4. INT. JACK’S DEN – DAY
Grace visits Jack, seemingly by chance, and complains about Glen. Jack comforts her and, taking advantage of the moment, seduces her. He tells her she deserves more than what Glen offers, and they share a passionate kiss.
5. EXT. LAWN BOWLS CLUB – DAY
Glen plays bowls with his brother Dan, an aspiring businessman. Dan asks Glen to invest in his motel project, but Glen refuses to allow it on his property. Angrily, Dan declares he’ll proceed, “even over Glen’s dead body.”
6. EXT. GORDONS’ DRIVEWAY – DAY
As Glen approaches his car, it explodes, throwing him to the ground. Fearing media attention, he chooses not to report it to the police, wondering if Dan could be behind it.
7. INT. LIBRARY – DAY
During a meeting with readers, Glen is confronted by his neighbor, Sandra, who accuses him of being a “thief and trickster.” The tension escalates, ending the meeting abruptly.
8. EXT. GORDONS’ YARD – DAY
Sandra arrives at Glen’s home with an exotic plant for Grace. Her poodle, Daisy, whines from the backseat.
9. EXT. GORDONS’ PORCH – DAY
Grace sketches trees on her drawing pad, while Glen scans the area with binoculars, still searching for the armed man. Grace criticizes Glen for his broken promises. Suddenly, Glen spots a figure in military attire running among the trees, aiming at him from behind a tree. Glen grabs a taser and rushes out.
10.EXT. PARK – MOMENTS LATER
Glen searches the park for the armed man but finds nothing.
11.INT. GLEN’S STUDY – DAY
Jack asks Glen to read his manuscript, but Glen, feeling envious, burns it. Enraged, Jack vows revenge.
12.EXT. GORDONS’ FENCE – DAY
Sandra discovers Basil’s lifeless body hanging from the fence and alerts Glen and Grace. Grace blames Glen for provoking the rifleman, while Glen suspects Jack. Glen takes a photo of the dead cat.
13.EXT. GORDONS’ YARD – DAY
Jack arrives, and Glen confronts him about Basil’s death. They fight, with Jack overpowering Glen and leaving.
14.INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Glen uncovers that the real Jack Hamilton died three years ago and that his current secretary’s identity is forged. Despite Grace defending Jack, Glen insists on bringing him to justice and asks Grace to draw a portrait of “Jack” from memory.
Act 2
15-16.INT. LIBRARY / WORKSHOP – DAY
Glen shows Jack’s portrait to various people, but no one recognizes him.
17.EXT. GLEN’S BACKYARD – NIGHT
A masked man sneaks toward the back door.
18.INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Grace unexpectedly switches on the light, scaring off the intruder.
19.INT. FITNESS CLUB – DAY
Determined to catch Jack, Glen starts martial-arts training.
20..INT. SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
Glen practices shooting and becomes highly skilled.
21.INT. SHOOTING RANGE BAR – DAY
Glen meets his friend, Captain John Bell, and shows him Jack’s portrait. John recognizes him from a gas station.
22.EXT. GAS STATION – DAY
The manager identifies Jack as “Roy Jackson,” a part-time employee who frequents the Trendy Restaurant.
23.EXT. SANDRA’S YARD – DAY
Sandra’s poodle Daisy is found dead, hanging from her fence. The police question her, and she accuses Glen of seeking revenge. Glen denies it and leaves.
24.EXT. STREET NEAR THE PARK – DAY
Glen and Grace observe the police arresting Jeff Walker, the “man with the rifle.” Grace believes Jeff is the animal killer.
25.EXT. STREET – DAY
A masked man reports to the police, falsely accusing Glen of killing Daisy, but the police dismiss the report.
26.INT. GLEN’S STUDY – DAY
Glen compares the photos of Basil and Daisy, noticing the same strangulation marks.
27.EXT. ZOO – DAY
A dead meerkat is discovered hanging from a bridge. A woman sees a man resembling Glen nearby.
28.INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
The police suspect Glen of the animal killings and restrict him to Santa Barbara.
29.INT. POLICE ARCHIVE – DAY
Glen photographs the dead meerkat’s image from the police archives, noting similar strangulation patterns.
30.INT. THE TRENDY RESTAURANT – DAY
Jack meets a TV reporter, planning to expose Glen’s alleged “dark secrets.”
31.EXT. THE TRENDY RESTAURANT – DAY
Glen spots Jack leaving the restaurant and follows him home.
32.INT. GORDONS’ LIVING ROOM – DAY
Grace watches the TV interview where Jack accuses Glen of the animal killings. Glen’s files are used as evidence.
33.INT. JACK’S DEN – DAY
Glen finds Jack’s fake beard and a cord matching the previous findings, confirming Jack is framing him.
34.INT. GORDONS’ LIVING ROOM – DAY
The police arrest Glen, ignoring his explanation.
Act 3
35.INT. PSYCHIATRIC CLINIC – DAY
Glen meets Jeff and learns more about his situation.
36.INT. CLINIC – DAY
John Bell visits Glen and secretly gives him a toolkit to escape.
37.INT. GORDONS’ LIVING ROOM – DAY
Grace, who has been colluding with Jack, sells Glen’s property. She heads to the airport to meet Jack.
38.EXT. STREETS – NIGHT
Glen escapes from the clinic, pursued by the police.
39.EXT. GORDONS’ HOUSE – DAY
Glen learns that Grace left for the airport.
40.INT. AIRPORT – DAY
Jack waits for Grace, but Glen arrives instead. They fight in the underground garage, and Glen overpowers Jack just as the police arrive.
41.INT. LIBRARY – DAY
Glen triumphantly returns to the literary world, having hired a new secretary. Grace sends a letter from the Pacific, boasting about her new life, while Jack writes his memoirs in prison.
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