WEEK 1 DAY 4 – What did you learn?

[A J Ferrara]

The key to this sequence is the second video. Reveals come through a word game that elevates the tension and the stakes as they go. Kate goes along reluctantly. She doesn’t see it coming, but takes the shot tells the truth then gets a surprise. The dialogue, couched in a game, brings revelations, surprises and increasing tension.

Scene: A man trapped in the wreckage of a building after a terrorist attack.

INT. BASEMENT – DAY

Total darkness. Faint SCREAMS and CRIES for help. Labored breath, in furnace-like heat, grows louder.

A dust-filled dim light, as the man opens his eyes and WAILS IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN.

Barely visible, blood and beads of sweat coat his forehead, mixed with a putrid film of dust that covers him from head to toe.

Adrenaline, fear and panic surge through him. His eyes rake the surroundings, a twisted jungle of concrete, rubble and debris.

The man, flat on the ground, tries to move – he SCREAMS – searing pain causes his body to tremble. He begins to hyperventilate, fists clenched, his body spasms in agony.

Endless seconds pass. The man’s mouth opens – he’s tries, but pain and fear trap words in his throat.

Finally, a deep breath explodes out of his lungs.

MAN

HELP! Somebody help me!

He waits for an answer – muddled PLEAS from other victims, the only response.

The man wipes sweat and blood off his brow. He GROWLS as he lifts his head and looks down through dim light, toward his feet.

His right leg, crushed – trapped at the knee, under a steel beam.

The man tries to pull his leg out – an uncontrollable, ear-splitting SCREAM. Sweat, anxiety, hellish pain.

MAN

FUCK!

He tries to push the beam with his free left leg. He presses hard, desperate for any movement – just a damn inch – just for one second – max effort – another GROWL – but nothing moves.

He stops pushing, his body shifts slightly – another SCREAM, as a wave of pain shoots up his right leg.

The man struggles to twist his body – he looks to his far left-

SCARE! A dead WOMAN, late 20’s, dark hair, lies nearby, her body twisted and broken, her vacant eyes staring at him.

The man recoils in horror, but the sudden move sends another wave of torment through his body.

AN OMINOUS RUMBLE from above – dust and small fragments of debris fall around him. His dread intensifies.

MAN

Oh God oh God oh God. Help! Somebody help!

Sweat cascades down his face. Blood oozes from a head gash and abject fear pours off his every word.

MAN

Is anybody there!? God damn it, somebody help me!

Another RUMBLE. More dust pours into the space – and another sliver of light.

The man swipes dust away from his face.

More light accents the man’s features. His face streaked with dirt, blood and sweat, average build and through his pain, eyes that reveal utter confusion.

The man looks up, and realizes his tight confines.

An enormous slab of concrete hangs precariously, about four feet above his head.

Another larger block, almost cracked in two, sits just beyond the beam that traps him.

He glances down at his leg. He uses his arms – and BELLOWS in agony – as he forces himself up into a seated position, his head now inches from the concrete.

The man starts to dig dirt and debris away from both sides of his trapped leg with his hands. He GROANS – and digs – FASTER – FASTER – DESPERATION – FASTER.

He tries to move his leg – an intense pain wracks his body and forces him back down.

He catches his breath – and tries to move his leg again-

– and again – and again. Each attempt brings nothing but overwhelming agony.

He stops, to catch his breath, and lies there, in a purgatorial SILENCE.

His eyes dart around the space – a coherent moment – he tries to assess.

He looks at his watch – old style with hour and minute hands. It reads: 8:34 am. He squints to look closer – the second hand is moving – hell, at least it works.

The man feels his forehead – a bloody gash oozes. He wipes it on his sleeve.

His head tilts and he studies the dead woman – it’s a long, curious gaze. His mind races – his emotions building. His eyes well with tears – an internal battle builds.

He looks away from the woman, wipes tears from his face. He wants to cry, but won’t allow it. Pressure builds into a frustrated HEAD SHAKE AND A GROWL-

MAN

ARRGHH!

– as he forces his emotions away.

He hears faint PLEAS for help. Suddenly hyper-vigilant, he scans his surroundings – where is it coming from?

MAN

I hear you! Where are you?! Please, talk to me!

Unseen, PETE, late 50’s GROANS from close by – then struggles to speak.

PETE (O.S.)

Oh, Christ. I hear you, kid. I hear you. Sounds like you’re close.

The man’s eyes widen in shock.

MAN

Yes yes. Please, get me outta here.

No response. The man waits.

MAN

Hello?

Pete GROANS, in pain.

PETE (O.S.)

I think my arm’s broken. I can move, but it’s pretty tight in here. I don’t see a way out. What the hell happened?

MAN

I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m trapped. This fucking beam’s crushing my leg.

The man moves suddenly and HOWLS in pain.

PETE (O.S.)

Yeah, I see it. I’m on the other side of this wall.

MAN

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.

PETE (O.S.)

You gotta stay with me, kid. I’m sure help is on the way.

The man lays there, afraid to move.

PETE (O.S.)

What’s your name, kid?

His eyes widen, in shock, as he wracks his brain.

MAN

Oh, shit, I can’t remember. I can’t remember. I don’t remember anything. What the hell is going on?

PETE (O.S.)

Ah, you must’ve taken a shot to the head. Maybe it’s a concussion or something.

MAN

I‘ve got a gash on my head.

PETE (O.S.)

There you go. I’ve had a couple of those. I used to box a little. Golden Gloves, back in the day. Don’t worry. It’ll come back to you soon enough.

The man lays there, completely lost and frozen in pain.

PETE (O.S.)

Look in your wallet. You gotta have some I.D. A driver’s license or something.

Yes yes! The man gingerly starts a pat down – searching – searching – pockets empty.

MAN

C’mon c’mon.

He feels around in the dirt by his side.

MAN

Shit, my wallet’s gone.

PETE (O.S.)

Tell you what. I’m Pete. For now, I’ll call you Tony. You good with that?

Tony grimaces in pain. He SCREAMS as another surge of pain hits him.

PETE (O.S.)

Focus on my voice, Tony. Just take deep breaths. Deep breaths and try to focus.

TONY

Yeah yeah, I’ll try.

PETE (O.S.)

You know, my little brother’s name was Tony. Antonio. We were identical twins.

TONY

Little brother?

Pete forces a CHUCKLE.

PETE

Yeah, I had him by two minutes and twenty four seconds.

Tony doesn’t think it’s funny.

As they speak, he wipes more sweat and blood off his face, then unbuttons his soaking-wet shirt, wincing in pain with every move.

TONY

You said, was.

PETE (O.S.)

Ah, it makes me sick to even think about it.

TONY

I’m sorry. Forget it.

Pete GROANS.

PETE (O.S.)

Jesus Christ.

TONY

You okay?

PETE (O.S.)

Yeah yeah, just saw stars there for a second. Shake it off! Uggh, where was I? Oh right, Tony joined the Army when he was eighteen. We both had a free ride to Florida State for football, but the crazy little shit went and enlisted, just like that. Can you believe it?

Tony considers.

TONY

Did he die in action?

PETE (O.S.)

Served in Gulf War One, in Special Ops.

A long SILENCE.

PETE (O.S.)

After six years, he retires. The dope coulda taken a nice safe office job somewhere, but that‘s not who he was. He became one of N.Y.P.D.’s finest. First in his class at the academy and they stick him in the fortieth precinct. The God damn South Bronx. Those friggin’ idiots. Six months later, he’s dead. Shot in the head during a domestic violence call.

Tony lays there, his face a blank slate.

A faint SOUND OF JACKHAMMERS breaks the SILENCE.

PETE (O.S.)

Hear that, kid? They’re coming for us.

No response.

PETE (O.S.)

Hey, by any chance, you got your cell? I left mine in the damn car. Might be smart if we let’em know we’re here.

Tony suddenly appears nervous – and he’s not sure why.

TONY

No, no phone.

A long RUMBLE.

Dust and light debris falls on Tony. He covers up – a quick move – and he SCREAMS in pain.

Pete GROANS again.

PETE (O.S.)

Hang in there. I’ve gotta feeling they’ll be here soon.

Tony grimaces.

TONY

What about you?

PETE (O.S.)

What about me?

TONY

What’s your deal? You go to college without your brother?

PETE (O.S.)

Hey, we did everything together. Well almost. I joined the marines instead of going to school. I figured I can’t let him have all the fun. Never saw action though.

Pete forces a CHUCKLE, through the pain.

PETE (O.S.)

Unless you count the Pentagon.

Tony’s eyes narrow-

PETE (O.S.)

Called it a career after twenty- five.

– his temper rising-

PETE (O.S.)

You still there, kid?

– and he explodes in a a sudden burst of anger.

TONY

I’m not your fucking kid, okay!? I’m not your fucking kid!

PETE (O.S.)

Hey, I didn’t mean nothin’ by it. You’re right you’re right. I’ll stick with Tony.

Tony’s anger melts into remorse.

TONY

Oh Christ, I’m sorry.

PETE (O.S.)

No sweat, Tony. I get it. We’re in the same pickle here.

Beads of sweat cover Tony’s face, as a sudden wave of panic pours over him.

TONY

Do you really think we’re gettin’ out?

Tony glances over at the dead woman.

TONY

‘Cause I’ve got a bad feeling. I think I’m supposed to die today.

Pete GROANS in pain as he speaks.

PETE (O.S.)

Don’t say shit like that, Tony. Don’t even think it. You know, they say your thoughts create your reality. You gotta stay positive.

TONY

What are you, into that woo-woo stuff?

Tony listens, a little surprised, as Pete strikes a chord.

PETE (O.S.)

Woo-woo. That’s rich. I call it the spiritual path. The universe provides, Tony. We’re spiritual beings in a human meat suit. We come here, spend some time, learn some lessons, then we go home.

TONY

Oh yeah? So, what have you learned?

PETE (O.S.)

It’s a horrifying, cruel planet we live on, but you can make it a paradise, if that’s what you want. That, and I’m not afraid of death. Death is not real.

Pete CHUCKLES.

PETE (O.S.)

It’s just dumping the meat suit and moving on. I hope we get the hell outta here, but I’m not afraid of what happens if we don’t, and you shouldn’t be either.

TONY

You’re like a hispanic Dali Lama or somethin’.

PETE (O.S)

Ah, now you’re talkin. Gracias, mi amigo.

Faint sounds of JACKHAMMERS and heavy MACHINERY from above. Tony’s eyes dart around, unnerved by the sounds.

TONY

Hey, Pete.

PETE (O.S.)

Yeah, kid, I mean Tony.

Tony MOANS as he moves his left arm.

TONY

I don’t know about all that other stuff, but I can tell ya this. It IS a cruel planet.

A louder RUMBLE from above.

The jackhammers suddenly stop. SILENCE – then, the SOUND of a child CRYING.

PETE (O.S.)

You hear that?

TONY

Yeah.

PETE (O.S.)

Sounds close.

Tony sniffs.

TONY

What’s that smell?

BOOM! An explosion above them. Two loud metallic POPS.

Debris falls around Tony – he SCREAMS.

Pete SCREAMS!

THE CONCRETE SLAB ABOVE TONY LURCHES DOWN –

TONY

No!

– AND STOPS, JUST TWO FEET ABOVE HIM.

SECONDS PASS – THE CONCRETE DEBRIS STORM SUBSIDES.

HEAVY DUST FILLS THE AIR.

Tony coughs, choking on dust – a hacking fit ensues – every cough wracks his body in convulsions of stabbing pain.

He pulls his shirt up over his face. He GROANS in agony, as he tries to catch his breath.

Slowly, the dust settles. Tony’s coughs subside, replaced by a deafening SILENCE.

TONY

Pete, are you okay?

No response.

TONY

Pete?

SILENCE. Tony’s eyes well with tears.

TONY

No no no no. Please, God. Pete! Pete! PETE!

Tony waits for an answer – no response.

His neck veins strain – his face turns crimson and his rage bursts to the surface.

TONY

Fuck you! Fuck you! How could you do that?! How could you let him die?!

Tony’s rage morphs into a grief-stricken WAIL. Then-

TONY

He was trying to help!

Tony wipes his face with his shirt. He GROANS-

TONY

Oh God.

– all energy expended, as his rage reduces to a whimper.

TONY

He was trying to help.

Tony’s mind wanders. He stares at the concrete slab, two feet above him. His eyes close.

[Steven Delisi]

The verbal / drinking game is a great way to engage the characters & us the audience, & deliver a reveal about Kate’s character.

Sawyer seems to play it like he’s leading her (& us) down a path to the secret. A breakthrough for me is the realization that dialogue & action have a more natural relationship when you set up a game like this. It feels visceral too. We all can relate to being cornered about or tricked into revealing a secret.

[C Holmes]

What I liked most about the Secrets and Reveals class was the game scene. Both Kate and Sawyer end up revealing themselves. Kate does not look like a killer, but Sawyer gets her to reveal herself starting with her not having gone to college. So a game played in college, that she does not know about, shoves her into revealing her lack of education, and then with in minutes, so much more.

So Sawyer does something quite slick here. There is something competitive and challenging about how he sets it up. Meanwhile Sawyer also has to reveal that he too has killed a man, so it is a double reveal.

The actual murder scene with the explosion is not as tense as the game scene. And even the reveal to Jack with the wanted poster does not have the levels of tension that the game scene does.

How it applies to my scene is this: I have a seller of antiquities and a buyer of antiquities. One knows there is a curse on the object, the other knows, but does not reveal he knows. Meanwhile the person who is the victim of the curse, is saved by someone, who knows about all of the actions of everyone in the story but they don’t even know that he exists. So, what they reveal to each other is at all different levels. Also what they don’t reveal.

This has been very helpful and has been a breakthrough for me, because I had not been thinking of it in exactly in this way, but it applies directly to my script and also to the themes and character development.

[Steven Delisi]

@C A Holmes, I somehow missed that this scene is a double reveal via the drinking game. I really like your insights here, including this (for me a breakthrough) & that the level of tension created is in contrast with the actual murder (committed by Kate) scene.

So in addition to my initial post here, I’m learning how a characters actions can reveal more than just their own secrets…. if they calculate or engineer that outcome.

I just started my outline for a feature screenplay that has a father / daughter relationship where the daughter is a rookie narcotics cop and will discover over time that the killer she must find is her dad that abandoned the family years ago. * I’m trying to figure out what secret SHE might have though … before I decide how & when his is revealed. So, I’m wondering if these can be played off one another, similar to the drinking game scene?

[jeffrey jeff glatz glatz]

I have never seen Lost, so just a few “short” couple of thoughts/insights:

I liked the subtle discovery that there is a secret

Interesting way to learn of the secret, personally since I did not know the game so I had to figure out how the game worked instead of listening to much of the game play

Loved the surprise, the reveal.

[Neil Werenskjold]

What I learned rewriting my scene/character is described below.

Not having ever watched this series, I feel handicapped. These three scenes showing Kate’s secret are a little slim on info. I figured out the marshal dying tipped Jack about Kate being dangerous. But I couldn’t find why the marshal was focused on her. Was he tracking her? Was she his prisoner that he was transporting? I could not tell the marshal’s relationship with Kate. Anyway, Jack finds out about her.

I don’t know whom he told or didn’t tell from the clips, so I don’t know why Sawyer was easing information out of Kate, slowly keeping her guard down and building trust by trying to find what they have in common. He finally gets to the kill-a-man question, and she admits she has. But there is not much context about that in these clips to show why she killed him.

In her reveal showing what she did, I realized that maybe he was an abuser, but I don’t know what pushed her over the edge to kill him. How she killed him shows it was premeditated. Again, I wonder why?

From Sawyer’s “I never” game, we learn a few things about Kate. She drinks, she kisses men, neither have attended college or Disneyland, Sawer wore pink, neither have ever voted, Sawyer has never been in love, Kate has, Sawyer has never been married, Kate has but didn’t last long, Kate makes fun of Sawyer because he apparently blamed a boar for a problem, not sure what that is about but shows Kate is grounded well in reality and doesn’t let extraneous things get in her way. Kate rejects Sawer’s indirect advance, I think? Kate feels guilty, 20 years, about killing the man. It seemed to spur Sawyer to admit he killed a man, and Kate responds positively to having done that. That is the biggest thing they have in common. Showing they both are dangerous.

So to sum it all up in my mind. Secrets get out from third parties. Maybe they are more powerful when they come that way because the letter created a vacuum of curiosity around the subject. When that happens, it ups the odds that someone will figure out the secret. Keeping deep guilty secrets can eat at a person with a conscience from the inside out when the secret is covered-up for a long time. Kate has a moral conscience, so she must have been mistreated very badly to drive her to think of a way to kill a man, then follow through and execute the plan.

The writer patiently pays out the information about Kate and her deep dark secret. That keeps people interested, watching for more clues. The secret must be a big secret with high stakes. Then at the end, the reveal has more impact. I get it. Slow but balanced clues build to the reveal.

Set-up: During a routine deployment, two military reservist families sadly on the verge of divorce realize what is paramount in their lives when a deployment turns deadly.

Ironically, while Samantha (Sam) and Bill are deployed, their spouses, Tom, Sam’s husband, and Mary, Bill’s wife, meet in a snowy grocery store parking lot for the first time. They begin a relationship unaware that their spouses are together during the deployment.

Act 2 Is about the two new couples getting friendly helping each out but human nature being what it is, sexual tension begins to grow. All the spouses know they should not be getting so close, but being on the verge of divorce they might have found a new spouse that’s a better fit then their current spouse.

In the Act 2 scene below, two military members during their deployment, one spouse from each doomed family, are sitting in an Army field chow hall in Honduras talking. Sam’s deepest darkest secret comes out…

Military Family Blues

56. INT. LAS DELICIAS MOBILE FIELD KITCHEN DINING ROOM – DAY

Everyone laughs as they all get up, leaving disturbed Bill to settle down, alone with Sam at the table.

BILL

I’m sorry, Sam. I just tried to keep you from getting hurt on the plane.

SAM

(concerned)

I know that wasn’t on purpose. What concerns me more is I’ve never seen you so uptight.

BILL

I’m ready to explode inside with Mary wanting a divorce and all.

SAM

Yeah, I get that with Tom and me too.

Bill shakes his head from side to side.

BILL

Yeah, both of us. How can that be? Mary is right about how I’ve been letting her down. It’s just all the shit I must do to get a decent raise. I need to get better at taking care of Mary and the kids. — What happened to you guys? You said something about pictures.

SAM

I am not sure what happened. Maybe it’s the same thing with me being away all the time. But Tom was shown some pictures of me topless or something, and he blew his top.

BILL

Are they old pictures from when your family abused you in your neighbor’s barn?

Surprised, Sam stops and looks at Bill hard.

SAM

Did I tell you about that?

BILL

Well, yeah, when you were drunk on your ass during our Italy deployment.

SAM

Damn, what did I tell you?

BILL

We were both pretty smashed. I carried you back to your room. Don’t you remember?

SAM

Vaguely, but all I remember about that trip is you didn’t take advantage of me when you could have. I knew I could trust you from then on. What exactly did I tell you?

BILL

About how your family and their friends abused you. You went into some graphic details. Being restrained and displayed in the woods by your house. The barn event and some other gangbangs they used you for.

Sam is deeply shocked.

BILL

But the biggest thing you seemed to be ashamed about was that you enjoyed some of the abuse. You unload in tears, passing out in my arms. Don’t you remember?

Sam shocked realizing she shared her deepest dark secret.

SAM

Oh my god, I haven’t even revealed this much to my husband. Who have you told about this?

Without hesitation, Bill answers

BILL

Nobody. I respect you too much and can only imagine what you had to endure.

SAM

Did we do anything?

BILL

No. I stayed until you settled down and fell asleep.

SAM

You must think I’m a slut.

BILL

No. I got that you did what you had to do to survive. I was so relieved you could find your way out of that mess. I thought Tom was so fantastic for how he helped you.

SAM

That’s just it. Tom saved me in that fire, almost losing his job for saving me. — Then, Tom spent damn near his whole life savings to help me get on my feet before he married my sorry ass. Now he wants a divorce because of something he wanted me to do. I don’t get it.

BILL

He wanted you to do?

SAM

Did I tell you how Tom poses for the fire department fundraising calendars?

BILL

Yes.

SAM

This year they wanted to try topless wives or girlfriends with the male firemen models to increase sales for some costly fire department equipment they need. I agreed after we decided I’d keep my back to the camera.

Bill brightens up. With his clueless male nature says…

BILL

I’d buy that calendar!

With a mad disapproving look, Sam punches him on his arm.

SAM

Shut up till I tell you what I think happened. This is serious. — I told them I wouldn’t do any front topless shots. Tom’s boss didn’t like that. They got me drunk before the shoot while we were waiting. After a few shots, Tom was suddenly called out for an emergency call leaving me topless with his boss and the photography crew. I don’t remember much of anything after that. I barely remember Tom leaving. Then Tom wakes me at home the next day. I don’t know how I got home, and we couldn’t find my bathing suit, or the clothes I wore to the shoot. Only my high heel shoes I wore for the shoot.

BILL

Wow, were you drugged?

SAM

I think so. And I don’t know what was in those pictures Tom saw, but if he is freaking out with topless shots, then I’m glad I never told him about how I was photographed by my brother’s friends as I was growing up. I’m so afraid…

BILL

Where is your son?

SAM

Where he usually is with Bill’s parents. Another reason he is so mad at me.

Bill longingly looks at her, then his watch.

BILL

Damn! This is heavy stuff, but we need to get to work.

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

Week 1 Day 4: Secrets and Reveals – LOST

insights

Kate is comfortable with Sawyer – She plays a game with Sawyer which would possibly allow her past to be revealed but she never would’ve played this game with Jack because Jack would judge her. Even if he tries to conceal it the disgust would show in his micro expressions and Kate would pick up on that.

Breakthrough –

Sawyer doesn’t think he deserves to be happy – My breakthrough about Sawyer is he doesn’t think he deserves to be happy. He’s pursuing a woman who he knows is a murderer and a criminal and still pursues her because he doesn’t think he deserves better for himself. Even at the end of the 2nd clip he talks about how he and Kate are the same. That should disgust him… but it doesn’t. He so low in the moral muck he that he doesn’t believe he can get out and a part of him doesn’t want to get out.

[SCENE]

David Reeks, who’s company is under federal investigation, talks to his son, Martin, who was previously informed by a federal agent that his father was trying to set him up for his crimes.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

Martin and David talk to each other in Martin’s office.

Martin – So how long have you been in trouble with the Feds?

David stands with his arms crossed and stares at Martin with cold, surveilling eyes. His jaw is clenched and his lips are pursed. Martin shrugs.

Martin – You gonna have your goons to check me for a wire again? Like I’m the untrustworthy one? As if you didn’t set me up to take the fall. Yea I spoke to Agent Charlie. He told me that documents signed in my name were used on some of your illegal activity. Documents I supposedly signed when i was overseas in Afghanistan. You’re too smart to be that obvious. So what’s going on?

David turns away from his son, unable to meet his eyes. Martin turns up the pressure.

Martin – So how long did you plan to break bad huh? I mean… when did you stop being legal?

David – IT WAS NEVER LEGAL! OKAY!?!? EVERYTHiNG WAS BAD! ALL OF IT FROM THE START.

Martin – That’s not true. Feds would’ve been on you for a long while.

David gives him a look.

Martin – Also, your acting is terrible, And I’m not wearing a wire.

David – I don’t know you anymore. Not really. You spent too much time outside my coverage.

Martin – “Your coverage?” What are you the Sprint Mobile Network Plan?

David sits on the edge of a table.

David – I don’t know what you did with those white folks in the Army? Corruption of all kinds happen when you deal with them. Believe me I know. And I’m paying for it.

Martin – So, what? You racist now? Got an anti-white vendetta like some Black Nationallist?

David – I wanted you to stay away from all this. But you refuse to listen,

Martin – Or maybe I don’t take order from you anymore.

David – You’re a follower, not a leader. You’re not going to thrive on your own and will fall on you ass out there. Bet’cha be coming back then? Guarantee.

Martin thinks about this for a moment before responding.

Martin This is the last time we’ll see each other for a while. If ever. Better get everything off your chest now. before I walks out.

David ponders a moment but then shrugs after not coming up with anything.

David – I got nothing.

Disappointed. Marcus walks out of the office.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

What I learned is that I suck at writing secrets and reveals, but it seems that engaging them in a gradual manner is a great way to introduce tension in a story. We first learned that Kate was wanted by the law, which makes us curious to know more about her. The further reveals continue building the tension and curiosity, which makes the view stay engaged in the story.

[Judith Resell]

What I learned is that a scene can be too on-the-nose just like dialog. Everyone liked the game scene because it was all subtextual. The dying marshall with a wanted poster and blowing up the house of the abusive man were too direct and straightforward by comparison. That’s a good lesson for me, as I tend to be direct.

[Rosemary Lismore]

What I learned rewriting my scene was to make my characters far more vulnerable. Until it is revealed, the character touts their strength which comes crashing down, when their emotional drama demands the audience knows their vulnerability.