Week 3 Day 3 “What I learned”

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I learned that you can go over-the-top extreme if you take it step by step. That not only brings the audience along, but also builds tension and suspense.

I’ll be looking for scenes in which I can use this technique. I don’t have like that and the ones I have don’t quite go to over-the-top extreme, but I do have one where Ellie has to convince Uncle Layo to host the wedding in his off-grid barn. She does this by asking the smallest thing first, working up to the biggy:

Ellie and Layo are sitting in the living room drinking hot chocolate.

LAYO: So you want your roommate to come [here]. That’s fine.

ELLIE: And, Tio, I have a boyfriend. Can he also come?

LAYO: There’re only two bedrooms. He could sleep on the sofa… As long as it’s not that Higson fellow.

ELLIE: It is, and we’re getting married.

LAYO: Married? What’s this all of a sudden. You’re just a baby.

ELLIE: I’m twenty-one, and abuelita got married at sixteen.

LAYO: Keep my sister-in-law out of this. So you’re getting married. What, after Spring graduation?

ELLIE: Well, uh, actually it was scheduled this coming Saturday.

Layo is gob smacked silent.

ELLIE: We knew you were against marriage, and especially my Jim, so–

LAYO: This was Rudy the mocoso’s idea not to invite ole Uncle Layo.

ELLIE: Well, sort of. [audience knows it’s because Layo’s nemesis, Fred, is Jim’s uncle and is invited]

LAYO: Look, Ellie, I did have a drinking problem, but he knows I gave that up years ago. (beat) I think I’ll get those old dusty tequila bottles out of the woodshed and down them.

He gets up to leave.

ELLIE: Anyway, The Marriage Barn [a wedding venue] lost power, so I was just wondering…

Whips around.

LAYO: You want it here?! (off her cringe-nod) L’audacia! First you don’t even come to see me for three months.

ELLIE: It’s been six weeks, Tio.

LAYO: That Geeko fellow.

ELLIE: Gecko.

LAYO: Whatever. He comes in his E.V. like clockwork twice a week to run on my wheel. Said he thought of marrying you. That would be something to consider before jumping blindly into the Higson snake pit.

ELLIE: I love Jim and we’re getting married and that’s that.

LAYO: Anyway, Geeko’s a strange fellow.

ELLIE: He has Aspergers, but he’s a genius, going to be a climate scientist in New York.

LAYO: And that would never do, since you’ll be staying here.

ELLIE: That’s another thing, Tio… It’s best to tell you now… Jim and I’ll be moving to Houston. It won’t work out for us to move here.

Layo turns, stomps out. Ellie follows him to

EXT. THE YARD

Ellie frantically follows Layo past the woodshed and into

INT. THE BARN

The pigs are in a small pen. The horse, cow, and goats are tethered. The chickens are in a large cage. Ten potted tropical plants line the sides. Two space heaters connected to Airlo and Airlene [compressed air systems] are stationed away from the animals.

Layo enters, then Ellie. Layo turns back.

LAYO: I’m not going for the sauce, Ellie. I wouldn’t waste it on a BAD occasion. I came to made sure the stock didn’t get loose and kick over the heaters.

Ellie looks around assessing.

ELLIE: This is warmer than my apartment and with more space heaters– (beat) It would be perfect. We could clean it up, decorate it. What’d’ya say, Tio Abuelito.

LAYO: No, no, no. A thousand no’s.

ELLIE: Does that mean yes? (beat) We plan to name our first son “Eladio” after you. Little Layo.

LAYO: You drive a hard bargain, Ellie. Okay, but not more than ten people, including me.

ELLIE: We’ve invited sixty.

LAYO: Uninvite them. You’re hard-hearted enough not to invite me. (off her distress) We can’t do more than fifteen. I have to keep the animals and me warm and I have limited power.

Ellie kisses Layo on the cheek.

ELLIE: One more thing. Do you have a small power station I can borrow?

Layo rolls his eyes, heads into the tack room.

[Huey Williams]

Extreme – Bridesmaid Week 3 Day3

A GROUP OF WOMEN gather at a dress shop to pick out a dress

for the Bridesmaid of a wedding, most of them ate together

at the local restaurant. They all begin suffering from mild

food poisoning, one by one they start throwing up, passing

gas, diarrhea, stomach discomfort, just feeling sick.

Everything builds until the Woman who tries on the bridesmaid

dress, runs out into the street and goes to the

bathroom in the middle of the street. The dress, hides what

she is doing, she waves the traffic to go around her. What

makes the scene great is how eash Character use a different

method to display the same discomfort. By the way, that

beautiful dress is totalled out.

What I learned:

A writer can use different methods for each character to

carry a situation from normal to greater and greater extremes.

The Pitch:

A GROUP OF TEENAGERS, RON, MARTHA, and PETER join JACK

at a small used car dealer to help him purchase his first car.

TITLE: “The Impeccable Salesman”

GENRE: Comedy

FADE IN:

EXT. USED CAR DEALER IN TOWN – AFTERNOON

A bright sunny day in town, a hot rod pulls up and parks at

a used car dealer, four teenagers jump out and begain wondering

the lot kicking tires.

The salesman, MR. NORTON greets them.

MR. NORTON

Wecome, how can I help you? Who’s the buyer?

JACK

I am, it’s my first care.

MARTHA

And the rest of us are here to help.

After looking around the lot, they land on a 1957 Chevy, and the

negotiating begins.

MR. NORTON

A good choice, one of General Motors best

seller, very sporty, extremely popular,

and hard to find, very hard to find.

Jack walks around the car studying the body.

JACK

It could use a paint job.

MR. NORTON

Don’t worry about it!

Martha, pops the hood to check the engine.

MARTHA

I see minor blow by on the engine, and

valve cover leaks.

MR. NORTON

Don’t worry about it!

Peter looks over the interior, radio, lights, etc.

PETER

Interior is not to bad, the upholsterey needs

minor care, the electricals all work.

MR. NORTON

Don’t worry about it!

Ron checks the tires, brakes, for rust, and leaks.

RON

Needs tires, the brakes job is not far

off, not much rust, needs shocks.

MR. NORTON

Don’t worry about it!

JACK

So far, I’ve heard a whole lot of “Dont worry

about its” How much do you want for this

57 Chevy?

Mr. Norton hands Jack the Keys.

MR. NORTON

Let’s take a test drive.

They all pile into the 57 Chevy for a test drive and when they return

Jack is happy with the car.

Jack

Lets talk price, If the price is within my

budget, I’ll buy the car.

MR. NORTON

Lets get out of this heat, follow me to my office,

please.

INT. OFFICE OF USED CAR DEALER – AFTERNOON

The buyers gather in Mr. Norton’s office and take a seat.

Mr. Norton starts out with another sales pitch.

MR. NORTON

Be advised, there are very few 57 Chevys in

as good a shape as the one you are buying.

Mr. Norton writes the asking price on paper, they all look at it.

MARTHA

That’s a start, but there’s room to go lower.

Jack takes the pen and writes a lower offer.

Mr. Norton writes another price on paper.

MR. NORTON

And I’ll throw in a twelve month warrantee

on the powertrain, or this price as is. It’s

a good deal either way.

Jack writes a slightly lower price on paper.

JACK

This is my final offer, I know you half to

make a profit, and Its a fair offer.

PETER

The offer is slightly above bluebook, it’s

more than a fair price.

Mr. Norton reaches out his hand to shake Jack’s hand.

MR. NORTON

We have a deal, the car is yours.

The scene ends smiles and a hand shake with all the buyers.

THE END

FADE OUT