WIM+AI – WIM Module 6 -Lesson 1: Apply Structure Solutions

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Structure Solutions!

My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

From this lesson, I learned to check the outline against the first draft to ensure that every scene points in the pitch's direction to move the story forward. I then reread the script, making sure everything was in place. During the read, I left notes to enhance the storyline. Then, I read the script with the outline open right next to the script. Here, I was able to add reveals to help make the problems and relationships more believable.

For example, I added more tidbits of evidence to give the protagonist a reason to open an investigation. I also added hints of likeability to two small love interests for a tiny sideline plot. I also added a longer and more intense scene with the protagonist escaping from the antagonist's lair instead of an easy escape with the police rescuing her. I am thrilled that the script is topping off at 75 pages right now, so there is room to move and grow. At this point, typically, I look to cut pages and shorten scenes.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Michael Collado.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Structure Solutions
Vision: To write profound faith-based screenplays that are produced.
What I learned: The script will get better – just follow the process.
Changes I made: I had to add several scenes so that the flow made sense. I had missed events in the outline that were needed to make the flow logical.
Beat Sheet:
ACT 1
1. INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
o Scene: Grandma wakes up in a cold sweat from a traumatic nightmare where a bear’s shadow falls on a sleeping baby. The bear attacks the baby three times but she and the baby’s mother fight to keep the baby safe. On the third attack, she cries out to heaven, and help arrives, driving the bear away.
o Scene Arc: From Grandma’s fear to seeking divine intervention
o Essence: Establish Grandma’s protective nature and foreshadow danger and divine intervention in Jacob’s life.
o Conflict: Internal distress driven by fear for her grandchild
o Subtext: The nightmare represents what is to come and her need to protect her grandchild through faith in God.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that divine intervention will protect her grandchildren; fear of impending doom for one of her grandchildren.
2. EXT. GRANDMA’S DINING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jacob, full of optimism, shares his dreams of graduating, starting a career, at Raytheon, and playing with a church band during Christmas dinner with his family, hiding a back pain that plagues him.
o Scene Arc: Starts with family expressing joy at Jacob’s future plans, ends with Jacob covering up his pain.
o Essence: Introduce Jacob’s dreams, establish family’s support, and hint at Jacob’s health issue.
o Conflict: Back pain has Jacob discreetly taking pain killers, ensuring no one notices. The audience sees his subtle movements and concern in his eyes.
o Subtext: Jacob’s optimistic outlook masks his concern over his back pain, suggesting that something more serious is happening beneath his cheerful demeanor.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jacob will achieve his dreams: fear that his back pain may be a sign of something serious.
3. EXT./INT. CAR – DAY
o Scene: Jacob experiences acute pain and decides to go to the ER alone. He calls his parents in route and reassures them he is ok.
o Scene Arc: From intense pain to consoling his parents.
o Conflict: Jacob’s physical pain vs. his isolation and fear.
o Subtext: Jacob covers his fear and loneliness with making light of his pain, attributing it to a strained muscle.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Jacob’s pain is due to a minor diagnosis, fear it signifies a major illness.
INCITING INCIDENT:
4. INT. ER – DAY
o Scene: Jacob receives a terminal cancer diagnosis from Dr. Morgan, with tumors found throughout his body. Dr. Morgan tells him to give up dreams of graduating and focus on getting well, but gives him hope that with today’s advances in medicine he can kick this.
o Scene Arc: Starts with waiting for a diagnosis and ends with his world shattering after the terminal diagnosis.
o Essence: Introduce the central conflict by revealing Jacob’s diagnosis and the clash between his dreams and medical reality.
o Conflict: Hope vs. despair and fear.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan’s tells Jacob to give up on his dreams of graduating, but, in reality, Dr. Morgan believes Jacob should give up all his dreams. Dr. Morgan does not believe that medical intervention will work, even though he says there is some hope.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jacob will survive; fear that with tumors in his brain, abdomen, and lungs, his dreams are now impossible.
5. INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
o Scene: Dr. Morgan is on the phone with a colleague talking about Jacob. The conversation only partially heard, leaving the audience aware that Dr. Morgan is not as confident that Jacob’s cancer can be cured as he confidently asserts.
o Scene Arc: Starts with Dr. Morgan’s doubts for a cure, ends with his decision to treat until patient/family come to the revelation that there is no hope.
o Essence: Highlight the complexity of Dr. Morgan’s character, the hidden doubts about Jacob’s prognosis, and his belief that he must remain emotionally detached from his patients.
o Conflict: Dr. Morgan’s professional stance vs. his private doubts.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan holds no hope that Jacob will survive.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Dr. Morgan has a plan that will cure Jacob; fear Jacob will die.
ACT 2
6. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jacob moves into a cancer house with his parents, feeling hopeless and stating, “So this is where I die…” Another cancer patient with brain tumors has disturbing behaviors, frightening Jacob with potential glimpses of his future.
o Scene Arc: Starts with resignation and ends with fear.
o Essence: Convey Jacob’s despair and the harsh reality of his illness.
o Conflict: Fear and helplessness with his illness and living environment.
o Subtext: Jacob deep-seated fear of losing control.
o Hope/Fear: Hope for a miracle; fear of loss of Jacob’s ability to control himself with his brain tumors.
7. INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
o Scene: Grandma wakes up disturbed, feeling a need to pray for Jacob.
o Scene Arc: Ends with a sleep disturbance, ends with prayer.
o Essence: Show Grandma’s intuition and faith.
o Conflict: Grandma’s fear for Jacob vs. her faith in God’s protection.
o Subtext: There is a spiritual connection between Grandma and Jacob.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Grandma’s prayers will protect Jacob; fear it’s too late.
8. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jacob tells his parents he won’t give up on school, and she supports him by helping him commute to classes.
o Scene Arc: Starts with mother’s insistence he quit school, ends with her agreeing to support his dreams to graduate.
o Essence: Highlight Jacob’s resolve and family support.
o Conflict: Jacob’s illness vs. his determination to continue schooling.
o Subtext: The family’s underlying fear masked by their support.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jacob can continue his education; fear that his health will deteriorate.
9. INT. SPERM BANK – DAY
o Scene: On his birthday, Jacob goes to a sperm bank before starting chemo but learns he is already sterile.
o Scene Arc: Starts with hope and ends with grief.
o Essence: Show the personal sacrifices of Jacob’s illness.
o Conflict: Jacob’s desire for a future family versus the reality of his condition.
o Subtext: The emotional toll of losing the possibility of biological children.
o Hope/Fear: Hope for preserving his future; fear of irreversible loss.
10. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jacob loses his ability to walk well, write, play the guitar.
o Scene Arc: Begins with the frustration of not being able to walk well; ends with the grief that he has lost his ability to play the guitar and write.
o Essence: Highlight the physical toll of Jacob’s illness.
o Conflict: Jacob’s identity as a musician and student vs. his physical decline.
o Subtext: Jacob will not get better nor will his dreams be realized.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that with treatment he will recover; fear he will lose his physical abilities permanently.
11. INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
o Scene: Grandma dreams of a boat sailing without her, wakes sad, prays for Jacob’s faith and future success.
o Scene Arc: Starts with sadness, ends with hope.
o Essence: Reflects Grandma’s faith and connection to Jacob’s struggle.
o Conflict: Grandma’s fear that Jacob’s faith will fail and depression set in.
o Subtext: The symbolic connection between Grandma’s dreams and Jacob’s journey.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Grandma’s prayers will help Jacob; fear that he will lose faith.
12. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jacob goes to school wheelchair bound, uses a recorder to tape class notes, throws up into his mask. Instructor indicates he has five classes to pass to graduate and he is hopelessly behind in his homework, advises him to quit with the deadline to drop classes looming. Jacob refuses to quit.
o Scene Arc: Begins with humiliation, ends with determination.
o Essence: Show Jacob’s resilience and determination to succeed.
o Conflict: Jacob’s health vs. his determination to succeed.
o Subtext: Jacob’s inner strength is an answer to prayer.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that he will succeed; fear his health will prevent his graduation.
13. INT. DAWN’S DORM ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Dawn finds out from her mother that Jacob is no longer in Seattle, but in Arizona, at a college close to her, and has cancer. She shares her feelings with her mother, telling her that she feels Jacob was the “one who got away” and vows to visit him.
o Scene Arc: Starts with sadness at the news Jacob has cancer, ends with Dawn’s determination to reconnect with him.
o Essence: Highlight Dawn’s internal struggle and commitment.
o Conflict: Dawn’s past regrets versus her current resolve.
o Subtext: Dawn’s deep feelings for Jacob and her determination to make things right.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Dawn’s support will help Jacob; fear of opening old wounds will discourage Jacob.
14. INT. SNAKES AND LATTES – DAY
o Scene: Dawn reconnects with Jacob after learning about his diagnosis, reigniting her feelings and determination to support him. Dawn apologizes for dumping Jacob in high school and promises to visit again.
o Scene Arc: Starts with Jacob, depressed, pushing homework aside, ends with a renewed connection with Dawn, bringing warmth and hope into Jacob’s life.
o Essence: Re-establish the emotional bond between Jacob and Dawn.
o Conflict: Past relationship conflict and Jacob’s current illness damper a potential relationship.
o Subtext: Jacob is still in love with Dawn, and she with him.
o Hope/Fear: Hope their relationship will flourish; fear that Jacob’s illness will strain it.
15. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jacob’s father and mother argue Jacob shouldn’t pursue a relationship with Dawn. Jacob’s father tells Jacob they will get through this, but wait until he is better to add another relationship. Jacob reveals he has gained back his strength to walk. He picks up his guitar, is able to play.
o Scene Arc: From conflict with parents to hope of renewed health.
o Essence: Jacob’s mood and health are improving.
o Conflict: Parent’s view of Jacob’s relationship with Dawn vs. Jacob’s desire to date.
o Subtext: Dawn is having a positive influence on Jacob, a reason to live.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jacob will fully recover; fear that the improvement is temporary.
16. INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
o Scene: Dr. Morgan shares with Jacob and his parents that he is in remission, but cautions them the cancer could return.
o Scene Arc: Starts with hope for good news and ends with lingering fear.
o Essence: Showcase Jacob’s progress and renewed hope.
o Conflict: Dr. Morgan’s inner conflict with sharing the news due to his belief the cancer will return.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan doesn’t want to give false hope.
o Hope/Fear: Hope that Jacob remains in remission; fear the cancer will return.
17. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Jacob is up late, studying, with only a slim chance he will finish his assignments and pass his finals. His parents encourage him by planning a celebration cruise and promise to help him go house hunting after graduation.
o Scene Arc: Starts with doubt for success and ends with plans for celebration.
o Essence: Reveal the battle ahead to graduate and parent’s support.
o Conflict: Time/energy needed to complete assignments/pass finals.
o Subtext: Jacob won’t give up, no matter how hard it is.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Jacob finishes his assignments; fear he won’t finish in time to graduate.
18. INT. DAWN’S DORM – DAY
o Scene: Dawn lets her mom know she may not be returning to Seattle after she graduates. She has applied for a teaching position in Tucson, where Jacob will be working at Raytheon. Her mother worries she will be left alone, but supports her decision.
o Scene Arc: Starts with uncertainty and ends with support from mother.
o Essence: Reveal Dawn’s intent to take risks for Jacob.
o Conflict: Dawn’s career and family ties in Seattle versus her desire to be with Jacob.
o Subtext: Depth of Dawn’s feelings and commitment to Jacob.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Dawn’s plan will bring her closer to Jacob; fear of the unknown future.
19. INT. CAFÉ – DAY
o Scene: Jacob dates Dawn, and overcomes his fear of commitment from his fear of his future and their past relationship (asks her to become his girlfriend).
o Scene Arc: From Jacob’s lack of confidence to asking Dawn becoming his girlfriend.
o Essence: Jacob and Dawn’s relationship advances.
o Conflict: Jacob’s fear of rejection.
o Subtext: Dawn wants Jacob to ask her.
o Hope/Fear: Hope they will get together; fear Jacob won’t have the courage to ask.
20. INT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS – DAY
o Scene: Jacob graduates.
o Scene Arc: From concern that he didn’t pass to celebrating.
o Essence: Jacob goes through the graduation ceremony without knowing if he really is graduating.
o Conflict: Concern that the graduation is an exercise only.
o Subtext: The bittersweet nature of celebration given unknow graduation status.
o Hope/Fear: Hope the graduation is real; fear Jacob didn’t pass.
21. INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
o Scene: Jacob has a follow-up visit and shares the positives: graduation, offer on a house, cruise plans, job lined up. As Jacob leaves, Dr. Morgan stiffly congratulates him and says he had another patient that got better and graduated. As Jacob closes the door, Dr. Morgan whispers, “but then she died.”
o Scene Arc: From positive news to a foreboding of future ill.
o Essence: Dr. Morgan attempts to give Jacob hope and congratulate his successes but his past history with patients he’s lost clouds his emotions.
o Conflict: Dr. Morgan’s past history prevents him from celebrating patient’s successes.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan doesn’t believe Jacob will live.
o Hope/Fear: Hope for continued health; fear of future scares.
ACT 3
22. INT. PARENT’S KITCHEN – DAY
o Scene: Jacob shares a home lab test, waits for results. They know the cancer is back.
o Scene Arc: From anticipation to terror of results.
o Essence: The cancer has returned.
o Conflict: Cancer is back. What about cruise? Job? Dawn?
o Subtext: Jacob may die.
o Hope/fear: Hope the lab test is wrong; fear Jacob will die.
23. INT. PARENT’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jacob’s mother lets Grandmother know by phone that Jacob’s cancer is back with 5 new brain tumors. He won’t be going on the cruise. Another round of laser surgery and chemo is in the wings with Dawn in attendance. Shares news of Raytheon asking start date to be extended to August. When Grandma hangs up, she falls to her knees and prays.
o Scene Arc: From distressful news to peace with God.
o Essence: Grandmother’s faith remains unwavering in face of bad news.
o Conflict: Cancer News.
o Subtext: Grandma’s faith for Jacob’s total healing is not wavered.
o Hope/Fear: Hope Grandma is right and Jacob will be healed; fear Jacob will die.
24. INT. CANCER HOUSE – DAY
o Scene: Dawn helps Jacob with bouts of nausea/vomiting. She reads the Bible to him, and they are both struck with the verse, “This sickness is not unto death.”
o Scene Arc: From distress of illness to hope in God.
o Essence: Jacob and Dawn are looking to God for hope.
o Conflict: Battle with nausea/vomiting.
o Subtext: God is promising Jacob a future.
o Hope/fear: Hope that Jacob will survive; fear he will die.
25. EXT./INT. WAFFLE HOUSE
o Scene: Dawn argues with Jacob outside the restaurant; wants to take it to go. Jacob insists on going in, says Dawn deserves a meal out. As they hit the threshold of the restaurant, Jacob passes out, Dawn calls 911.
o Scene Arc: From arguing about where to eat, to not eating at all.
o Essence: Dawn has become Jacob’s caregiver.
o Conflict: Physical effect of illness.
o Subtext: Jacob is hiding how ill he is from Dawn.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jacob will survive; fear he will die.
26. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Dr. Morgan shares with Jacob good news: the laser surgery worked and his tumor markers are down. He explains that Jacob will need a risky stem cell therapy if he is to survive. When he leaves, Jacob and Dawn discuss the implications.
o Scene Arc: From good news to decision dilemma – no good choice.
o Essence: Jacob must decide between Raytheon and possible return of cancer or risky stem cell therapy.
o Conflict: Decision between two bad choices.
o Subtext: Dr. Morgan believes the cancer will return again.
o Hope/fear: Hope cancer won’t return; fear it will.
27. INT. RAYTHEON H.R. DEPT – DAY
o Scene: The H.R. employees discuss their dilemma – offered employment to too many new graduates. Their brainstorm has them agree to send a few letters out, asking if anyone will wait until October to start and they will give them a $10,000 bonus.
o Scene Arc: From company dilemma to solution.
o Essence: Raytheon is inadvertently providing a solution to Jacob’s dilemma.
o Conflict: Problem of too many new employees.
o Subtext: God is in control.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jacob gets the letter; fear that he won’t be selected.
28. INT. JACOB’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jacob experiences a vision that has impact on his decision (he is to be a light in a dark place.) He decides to go for the stem cell therapy. He accepts his fate and decides to live for God. He picks up his guitar to play, his mood lightened. A letter from Raytheon comes through his mail slot.
o Scene Arc: From indecision to decision to live as a light for God.
o Essence: Jacob will go through stem cell therapy.
o Conflict: Decision to go through stem cell therapy.
o Subtext: God is making a way.
o Hope/fear: Hope stem cell therapy will work; fear it won’t.
29. INT. MEDICAL CLINIC – DAY
o Scene: Jacob shares his vision with Dawn during stem cell harvest procedure. He tells her that he doesn’t know whether he will live or die, but it doesn’t matter. He knows he must live each day for God. He wants to release Dawn to be with someone with a future, but she says she will be there for him.
o Scene Arc: From Jacob testing Dawn’s resolve to be with him.
o Essence: Dawn is committed to Jacob.
o Conflict: Jacob’s desire for Dawn to have a good life vs his desire to be with her.
o Subtext: Jacob and Dawn are in love.
o Hope/fear: Hope the couple stays together; fear Jacob will die.
30. INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING
o Scene: Jacob proposes to Dawn and she accepts.
o Scene Arc: Starts with uncertainty and end with joy.
o Essence: Celebration of the couple’s commitment to each other, despite his prognosis.
o Conflict: Uncertainty if Dawn will accept.
o Subtext: Jacob and Dawn are in love.
o Hope/fear: Hope for a long, happy marriage; fear of cancer reoccurrence.
31. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Stem cell therapy is traumatic, with throwing up, UTI, diarrhea, transfusion. Chaplain arrives, Jacob has him play, “It is well with my soul.”
o Scene Arc: From distress of illness to demonstration of God’s peace.
o Essence: Jacob is giving the light of God’s peace in his dark situation.
o Conflict: Distress of illness.
o Subtext: Jacob has God’s peace.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jacob will continue in God’s peace; fear the illness will overcome him.
ACT 4
32. INT. JACOB’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Dawn berates Jacob for not starting his packing yet, with only two days before their flight to Seattle to get married. Jacob’s response is to keel over with chest pain, short of breath.
o Scene Arc: From Dawn’s concern about packing to concern for Jacob’s health.
o Essence: Jacob is not well.
o Conflict: Health crisis.
o Subtext: Jacob’s health cannot take the stress of the wedding.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jacob will make the wedding; fear he is dying.
33. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Dr. Morgan shares the news: Jacob’s cancer is back. He has a tumor near his heart which probably caused the pneumothorax. He advises against flying – could mean sudden death. After he leaves, Jacob decides to fly anyway.
o Scene Arc: From bad news to decision to embrace life’s uncertainties.
o Essence: Jacob has the faith and courage to risk his life going against medical advice.
o Conflict: Risk of sudden death.
o Subtext: Jacob trusts God.
o Hope/fear: Hope Jacob is making the right decision; fear he may die.
34. INT. GRANDMA’S BEDROOM – DAY
o Scene: Grandma’s prayer for Jacob’s safety on the flight is interrupted by a call. Jacob made it safely to Seattle.
o Scene Arc: From fervent prayer for safety to Jacob being safe.
o Essence: God honors Grandma’s prayers for Jacob.
o Conflict: Threat of sudden death.
o Subtext: Grandma believes in the power of God to save.
o Hope/fear: Hope God will protect Jacob; fear something bad may happen.
35. INT. WEDDING VENUE – DAY.
o Scene: Jacob and Dawn are married, and instead of singing to each other, sing a praise song to God with the congregation. They do not share the news of Jacob’s return of cancer.
o Scene Arc: From expressing love to each other to love for God.
o Essence: Jacob and Dawn are committed to each other.
o Conflict: Unknown future.
o Subtext: Jacob and Dawn are trusting God for their future.
o Hope/fear: Hope they will have a happy marriage; fear Jacob will die.
36. INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
o Scene: Jacob expects another round of chemo. Dr. Morgan tells Jacob there is no hope, and give him prescription for oral chemo to help slow the cancer. He gives Jacob a prognosis of 6 months to live. He reveals that none of his patients with Jacob’s history has survived.
o Scene Arc: From hope of further treatment to no hope.
o Essence: Jacob is given a prognosis of 6 months to live.
o Conflict: Death sentence.
o Subtext: Jacob has no future.
o Hope/fear: Hope Dr. Morgan is wrong; fear Jacob will die.
37. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
o Scene: Grandma is alone, reading/praying for Jacob’s healing while drinking coffee. A man stops by the table, says “check out I John 5:14. He leaves and she sees that it is a verse saying she has what she has asked for.
o Scene Arc: From desperately praying for Jacob’s health to assurance of his healing.
o Essence: Grandma receives hope from God of Jacob’s healing.
o Conflict: Request for healing.
o Subtext: Jacob will be healed.
o Hope/fear: Hope that God will heal; fear Grandma is reading too much into the encounter.
38. INT. PARENT’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
o Scene: Jacob gives his parents the news: lab results show undetectable cancer. They double check results and patient info to assure themselves it is real. They call Grandma and share the results. Jacob assures her that whether this is a brief remission or full healing doesn’t matter. He knows where he is going when he dies and has committed himself to living a life of giving light for God.
o Scene Arc: From good news to Jacob’s statement of live or die, it is all for God’s glory.
o Essence: Jacob’s cancer is undetectable.
o Conflict: Disbelief in good news.
o Subtext: God healed Jacob.
o Hope/fear: Hope that Jacob is truly healed; fear cancer will be back.
39. INT. CHURCH – DAY
o Scene: Jacob leads singing in church worship team, playing the guitar. Dr. Morgan slips in the back door.
o Scene Arc: From joy in the worship time to wondering if Dr. Morgan’s issues will be resolved.
o Essence: Jacob is giving light, a testimony to God’s goodness.
o Conflict: None
o Subtext: Jacob has seen the goodness of God.
o Hope/fear: Hope in continued health. No fear.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

My vision is to have fun completing this class with a contest-winning script that will establish me as a courageous and original writer.

What I learned was how difficult it was for me to stick to working on one improvement at a time. It became altogether too tempting to do a rewrite on the entire script, however I realized doing that would lead me to think it had reached perfection.
I eventually pulled back and followed the Problem/Solution Grid and made one improvement at a time.

My priorities focused on increasing the conflict between my protag and antag. I needed to start the conflict in their first scene together and proceed to have it build from there. I also needed deeper layers, particularly for my feature characters, since their actions will have a direct bearing on the outcomes of both the protag and antag. I'm happy that I faithfully followed my outline, though there were three scenes at the start of Act 4 that needed to be flipped. That was an easy fix. All the work that I had previously done on building character profiles and the outline made the improvements fun and fairly easy to do.

Sorry, no beat sheet. After making the script improvements, I truly felt that it was time to move to the next lesson. What was that about letting go of perfection?

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Pat Fitzgerald.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Structure Solutions!

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has had multiple movies made.

What I learned from doing this assignment is for the most part I stuck with the pitch. I added scenes to make the pitch and story stronger. But still needs more rewriting to make the story more powerful.

CURRENT BEAT SHEET with Changes

1 EXT./INT. CAR NIGHT – Original to Outline

2 INT. AA MEETING – CONTINUOUS – Original to Outline

3 INT./EXT. CAR – NIGHT – Original to Outline

4 INT. APARTMENT – LATE AFTERNOON – Original to Outline – Inciting Incident – Emily’s Suicide

7 INT. LIBRARY – DAY – Original to Outline

8 INT. HOSPITAL – DAY – Original to Outline

9 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – NIGHT – Original to Outline

10 INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT – Original to Outline

11 INT. EMILY;S SUITE – DAY – Original to Outline

12 INT. HOUSE – DAY NEW

13 INT. PAUL’S OFFICE – DAY NEW

14 INT. DINING ROOM – DAY NEW

15 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY – Original to Outline – but had to rewrite this scene because I had forgotten to show her almost relapsing into bad behavior because she couldn’t figure out her story – scenes 16 and 17.

16. INT. HOUSE – DAY NEW

17. INT. SITTING ROOM – DAY NEW

18 INT. EMILY’s SUITE – DAY Original to Outline

19 EXT. ESTATE – DAY NEW Takes puppy outside. Sees a stranger. I must flesh this part out more.

20 INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT NEW

21 INT. CLOSET – CONTINUOUS NEW

22 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY Original to Outline

23 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY Original to Outline

24 INT. LIBRARY – DAY Although this is an original scene, it is now showing God and Donahue’s relationship and why Donahue is unfit as a Guardian of the Library.

25 INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT NEW due to Scene 24

26 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY Original to Outline

27 INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT Original to Outline

28 INT. LIBRARY – DAY Original to Outline

29 INT. GOD’S COMPUTER ROOM – CONTINUOUS NEW – I added this scene as I wanted to explore the idea of “simulation theory”. And, how Donahue is manipulating it for evil.

30 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY Original to Outline

31 INT. HOUSE – NIGHT (NTD: MONTAGE HERE) NEW

32 INT. BUNKER – NIGHT NEW

33 INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT Original to Outline

34 INT. PRISON CELL – CONTINUOUS NEW A visit to the imprisoned Guardian to free him (TP)

35 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY Original to Outline but needs another scene after this because she leaves the room with the dog and then returns.

36 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY NEW

37 INT. LIBRARY – DAY NEW

38 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – NIGHT Original to Outline

39 INT. LIBRARY – DAY Original to Outline

40 INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT Original to Outline but fleshed out more

41 EXT. DESOLATE BATTLEFIELD – NIGHT NEW A battle between Donahue and the Guardian that was freed and overseen by Archangel Michael. This is a combination of several scenes from the outline to make it more powerful.

42 INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY NEW

43 INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT Original to Outline

44 EXT. HOUSE PARTY – NIGHT NEW

45 INT. HOUSE PARTY – NIGHT NEW Scenes 44 and 45 were added to show the resolution and Emily’s transformation in a more powerful way.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Lee Tidball]

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned while doing this lesson is that things were in pretty good shape structurally as I followed my outline in Draft 1. Problems came, though at the end.

Here's an analysis that I did using the questions that were given in the lesson. My comments are in sentences in answer to each question.

THE STRUCTURE QUESTIONS
Act 1:
Opening/Old Ways: Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Do the “Old Ways” show up in their behavior and dialogue? This has a very engaging way to both introduce the antagonist and protagonist, but shows the old ways and what they’re like.

Inciting Incident: How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey? The inciting incident, when Kellen finds out she’s needed for an important mission, is done well. It also propels us into the story in an intriguing way.

Turning Point: How is this Turning Point a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?” Kellen and her enrichment class are kidnapped by a domestic terrorist militia group.

Act 2:
New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point? Kellen sent a distress signal to the school, which in turn sent the county Sheriff along with its SWAT team and many deputies to the area

Plan in action: How does the protagonist take action on that plan? She prepares the kids for the plan, and says that she’ll escape when there’s a distraction.

Midpoint Turning Point: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, through a reveal, while keeping us on the same journey? Kellen escapes, then realizes that this is the very group that could be responsible for taking down the entire national power grid. She heads back to the camp.

Act 3:
React/Rethink: What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things? Kellen realizes the scope of the situation, and also that her students are in mortal danger. She escapes, makes a plan to get them out alive.

New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict? Kellen proceeds to rescue her students despite Mara Jenson’s admonition to take out the substation first.

Turning Point: The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way. This structure point was not strong enough. I’ve strengthened it with the following… Kellen was about to dispatch with Knox and Jesse to disable the satellite feed when the explosion of the substation nearly kills Jesse. Then, as Kellen’’s helping him and assessing a whole series of injuries to him, Knox, who’s also survived the explosion, comes at them, trying to kill them both. Kellen must engage him, while Jesse decides to continue with finding and disabling the computer despite his myriad injuries.

Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically? Kellen has a huge showdown with Knox where he finds out that she’s the one that wouldn’t let him on the bus years before, then he lies to her about what happened, which has haunted Kellen’s dreams ever since, the fact that he abandoned the family, and the youngest was killed by machine gun fire. Kellen wins the struggle, but Knox escapes. Jesse finally succeeds in stopping the download from the computer/satellite when he destroys the computer with a rock.

Resolution: How does this resolution represent the “New Ways” and bring this story to a fitting conclusion? Kellen and Jesse are united in one effort to save the world. Afterwards, they’ll become closer than ever.

New Ways: What are the New Ways and do they clearly show up in your lead character’s Act 4 behavior and dialogue? Jesse decides to stay in CA with his mom and go to college, become a naturalist, and they remain close. Mara Jenson is impressed with Kellen and assures her that she’ll be called on again. The sheriff lets her know that Knox was caught not long after he ran from her—he was badly wounded. His militia group was completely destroyed. Kellen is able to sleep soundly with no nightmares when she finally goes to bed.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Lee Tidball.
• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Lee Tidball.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Structure Solutions!

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that my first act was weak primarily because the antagonist was not present. This caused the act to be devoid of much conflict needed in the story. Without the launch containing conflict, the opposing forces never really took shape. My protagonist was going through the motions, but never battling or overcoming a human obstacle that stood in his way towards the goal.

List of changes:
1. Introduced the antagonist early in the story; in Act 1.
2. Made Act 1 turning point stronger.
3. Added more scenes to the script that included antagonistic forces.
4. These changes transformed other scenes in the script.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  James Hernandez.
• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  James Hernandez.

[David Zelitzky]

David Z’s Structure Solutions!

Vision:
I am an interesting, dependable, successful writer that people love to work with.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to be really clear in my ability to answer where my inciting incident and act breaks take place, what happens and what scene

I made the inciting incident happen on the right page and made the incident much clearer as a possible change in her life…
I’m moving incidents for the close of Act 1 so the supernatural occurrences build more logically from less to most severe.

[Kathryn Gould]

Kathryn's Structure Solutions

I choose to be a highly energized and creative writer who loves her life making big movies and working with the most creative people in the world.

I found a lot of structural issues to address:

– I chopped ten pages from the first act because everything happened too late

– I made a stronger 1st turning point by cutting out some deliberation and going straight into the action of a battle to mark the protagonist joining the struggle

– I changed a scene in the beginning where he helps an old lady to where he deserts her to look after himself and his little sister to make sure that his "old ways" of bitterness and selfishness are more clear.

– I clarified some logic issues that were bugging me

– I found a way to make the antagonist more present in the final battle and to clearly oppose their two ways of looking at the world

[Renee Miller]

Renee’s Structure Solutions

My vision is to be in the top 1% of screenwriters and be known in the industry as an Alist screenwriter who is easy to work with, gets the job done, and never has to worry about the next job.

What I learned doing this assignment is that my script needs a lot of work. There are a ton of structure issues that I am slowly going through right now which is causing me to fall behind. But that’s alright. I will keep on keeping on and finish when I finish.

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Structure Solutions!

My Vision: I’m a successful produced writer who specializes in female-led thrillers.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… identify structural problems and use the problem/solution grid to fix them. I had a major plot hole that I was able to identify and fix it across the outline and script.

Structural changes Made:

Inciting Incident: more dramatic and increased stakes

Mid-Point: more emotionally charged and highlighted the internal conflict

Climax/Resolution – Plot change allowed for a more dramatic climax and a satisfying resolution

• This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by  Sunil Pappu.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S STRUCTURE SOLUTIONS

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT
This was a CRUCIAL assignment. Throughout the earlier modules, I was not finding all of my story beats, and had not worked out a lot of the mystery / clues / reveals / etc. So both my outline and first draft were sparse—and this assignment helped me to double-check the most major movements of the story. What I learned is how to focus on this story, GO FASTER IN THE WRITING, and feel the flexibility of change. Finally, while doing this process, the story started telling itself, which is always such a relief.

CHANGES MADE FROM STRUCTURE GRID

OUTLINE / SCRIPT
Here my problem was that the outline was too sparse, which caused some issues. So as I finished writing the high-speed draft, I also beefed up the outline.

WEAK CONFLICT
The conflict in general was good, but HOW it showed up in the antagonist early on was weak. So I really worked on the antagonist’s GOALS, and how the STAKES could be raised.

TURNING POINTS
I beefed up the INCITING INCIDENT and rethought the ORDER of a couple of turning points. All of this was happening as I beefed up the outline, so I was able to compare and contrast the best flow of events. Very helpful.

Then, in a couple of the TPs, the reveal / surprise that occurs ALSO indicate an increasing betrayal—and a troubling, deeper layer of the antagonist.

Finally, I also realized that by tweaking the protagonist’s perception of the antagonist’s journey / goal, the stakes could be raised even further at the beginning of the second act…which allows the Midpoint to be that much more shocking.

TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY
The protagonist is very habituated in his approach to the world, and the entire system of relationships he knows best support this approach. It’s very hard for him to change. However, just in asking myself to track the transformational journey, I caught two major places (inciting incident and conclusion! very important moments!) where the journey could be strengthened.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed's Structure Solutions.
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned from this assignment was to strengthen the four-act structure make sure the beats were strong and noticeable, fill in some outline gaps, and improve the conflicts between the major and minor characters.

[Jan Westbrook]

Jan’s Structure Solutions!

My vision: I am a talented and strong writer with a unique voice, recognized by the movie industry with multiple screenplays produced

What I learned by doing this assignment was that doing the high speed writing strategy, it left a lot of possibilities to improve the script. Identifying the problems…er…identifying the areas that needed improvement. I am still implementing those changes, as I only identified them knowing I would go back and solve them scene by scene.

The script and the pitch and the outline diverged at points. Where the pitch worked or the outline worked, scenes were changed, and vise-versa.
This was a high-speed draft, so the conflict needed to be addressed in virtually the entire script, no it didn’t…yes it did…you lie…I face facts…
The structure was pretty solid, good bones.
The Turning Points and Transformational Journey needed some love.
I have to really dig down and improve the layers beneath the surface.
My mid-point needed some support, some encouragement.
My ending was serviceable but dull. With a polish, it will shine.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Jan Westbrook.

[Mary Spiers]

Mary’s Structure Solutions!
My vision: I am a leading creator of relatable family-friendly stories with compelling, authentic and unique characters.

I learned that I can really go deep, and ahead of myself on this grid of solutions. I found myself getting into perfectionism and needed to remind myself that this is a 2nd pass structure pass. I’ll come back to this with more chances to revise.
Structure solutions:
•moved scenes around so inciting incident would be at page 10
•realized I needed a new scene for something more powerful for the Act 1 turning point – wrote that.
•moved scenes around so that the Act 1 turning point comes at Page 30
•Analyzed Act 1 to make sure everything is established. A couple of things were not fully established, so I put these in. Also, I saw inconsistencies, in how 1 character is portrayed so worked and am working on that.
•The midpoint is generally good in structure, maybe come back to that.
•The all is lost point could use more pain. It seems to get resolved too quickly.
•The final scene needs to tie up things more. Come back to it when looking at set-ups and pay-offs.
•consider heightening personal stakes for protagonist.
•Subplot could be started earlier. .. come back to this.
•On the individual scene problem/solution grid – right now I’m looking to fix scenes that don’t advance the story or accomplish more than 1 purpose to fix those.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Mary Spiers.

[Terrie Shaft]

Terrie’s Structure Solutions!
Vision: Vision: I am paid to write screenplays that become successful movies. My process is so solid I can enjoy my equestrian hobby while exceeding expectations with my writing.
What I learned from this assignment:
I got stuck because I really expected to fix each structure issue (honestly there are only 3). But when brainstorming multiple times didn’t work I just got stuck. Instead, I should have done 2 things: 1. Kept reading the script to stay close to the story even making simple changes would have been better than stewing. 2. Moved on much more quickly that I allowed myself. I know this is great process but I should have melded it more with my own process.
Changes:
1. Made the midpoint stronger / clearer I didn’t really what happened just made more of it.
2. I worked on my transformational journey using the transformational journey format for the rom-com class.
3. I think my third act turning point could be stronger.
4. Figured out the wound for one my antagonists.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  Terrie Shaft.