WIM+AI – WIM Module 8 – Lesson 1: Dialogue Structures

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Dialogue Structure

Vision: To write profound screenplays that are produced.

What I learned: Dialogue is richer if you use dialogue structures vs straight exposition.

Scenes changed:

A. Set up/Twist:

Original Dialogue:

Dawn giggles her agreement as a GIRLFRIEND passes by their table and stops to greet them.
GIRLFRIEND
(to Dawn)
Heh, girl! How ya been?
The Girlfriend checks Jacob out, clearly sees he is ill. She shoots Dawn a look that says, “What are you doing with him?”
DAWN
Everything’s been great.
The Girlfriend gives a Dawn a slow, drawn out response.
GIRLFRIEND
Yeah. I see that.
She nods toward Jacob, smirks.
Changed Dialogue:
Dawn giggles her agreement as a GIRLFRIEND passes by their table and stops to greet them.
GIRLFRIEND
(to Dawn)
Heh, girl! How ya been?
The Girlfriend checks Jacob out, clearly sees he is ill. She shoots Dawn a look that says, “What are you doing with him?”
DAWN
Everything’s been great.
The Girlfriend gives a Dawn a slow, drawn out response.
GIRLFRIEND
Yeah. I see that.
She nods toward Jacob, smirks.
GIRLFRIEND
Gotta go. Be seein’ you. We can talk then. Hopefully, just us.
Taken back by her friend’s rudeness, Dawn stutters.
DAWN
(to Girlfriend)
Sure. Yeah. Sure. Later.

B. Opposite Meanings in Dialogue:

Original Dialogue:

Emily struggles to talk through her tears.
EMILY
OK, but could you? Check with dad?
GRANDMA
What do you need?
EMILY
John and I. Need to be with Jacob. I need to be with Eli, too, I mean, his school.
GRANDMA
Do you need your dad to come stay with Eli?
EMILY
You work. But, I can’t leave him alone. Neither of them!
GRANDMA
Sounds like you need your father to come.
EMILY
Could dad fly tomorrow? Stay with Eli? A week?
GRANDMA
I’m sure he will come, I’ll let him know as soon as he gets here.
(a beat)
Emily?
EMILY
Yeah?
GRANDMA
How are you?
Emily’s confidence is betrayed by her trembling lips.
EMILY
OK. I’m OK. I… I better hang up.
GRANDMA
Bye, then. Em, honey? Trust God.

Dialogue changed to:

Emily struggles to talk through her tears.
EMILY
OK, but could you? Check with dad?
GRANDMA
Dad is fine, Emily. Don’t worry.
EMILY
John and I. Need to be with Jacob.
GRANDMA
Of course. He needs you.
EMILY
I can’t leave Eli alone. Neither of them! And dad…
GRANDMA
It’s been over 10 years for dad. He will be OK.
EMILY
But will he fly?
GRANDMA
Your dad isn’t going to fly away just yet, Lord willing. Just concentrate on helping Jacob right now.
EMILY
Fly away? What? Dad’s dying? When were you going to tell me?
GRANDMA
I never said he was dying. I just said he’s been cancer free for 10 years.
EMILY
Then why can’t he come? Stay with Eli in Texas while we’re in Phoenix?
GRANDMA
You need him to come?
EMILY
Yes! Mom! That’s what I’m asking!

B. Opposite Meanings in Dialogue

Original Dialogue:
The family sneaks into the house and separate, each silently moving throughout the rooms to locate their grandparents.
They reunite moments later in the living room. No grandparents. The mother breaks the silence.
EMILY
They’re not here!
JOHN
Now what do we do?
EMILY
(to Jacob)
This surprise thing was your idea, genius. We should have told them we were coming.
ELI
Are we going to get Christmas dinner? I’m already hungry.
JOHN
Nothing will be open. Restaurants will be packed. Can you check, see if your parents have anything here we could eat?
Emily moves into the kitchen.
Jacob shakes his head, unbelief that the obvious answer has been missed. He holds up his cell phone.
JACOB
Hello? We can’t give up now. Let’s call them. See where they are.
Emily calls out from the kitchen.
EMILY
(O.S.)
They’re coming back! Turkey’s in the oven!
ELI
I bet they had a church service.
JOHN
Why would they leave the door open?
EMILY
(O.S.)
Probably forgot! Gettin’ old.
Eli’s response is interrupted by the sound of a car. Emily runs back into the room.
EMILY
It’s them! They’re back!
JOHN
Everyone, sit down, quick.

Dialogue Changed to:
INT. GRANDPARENT’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

The family sneaks into the house and separate, each silently moving throughout the rooms to locate their grandparents.
In the kitchen, Emily opens the oven door. Sees a turkey.
INT. GRANDPARENT’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
All but Emily reunite in the living room.
ELI
(whispers)
Mom must have found them.
John motions to his sone and they all scramble to sit.
EMILY (O.S.)
Couldn’t have a bigger turkey!
The boys whisper to each other.
JACOB
Which one of us is she talking about?
ELI
You’re the tallest.
EMILY (O.S.)
He’s stuffed!
ELI
No, I’m not. I’m hungry!
John motions for Eli to keep his voice down, whispers.
JOHN
Mom’s only telling them you’re full so they won’t be embarrassed they don’t have enough for us.
ELI
But what about Christmas dinner?
JOHN
We’ll find a restaurant later. Just play along.
JACOB
Nothing will be open. It’s Christmas!
EMILY (O.S.)
Nobody cares?
ELI
(to Jacob)
This surprise thing was your idea, genius. We should have told them we were coming.
John calls out to Emily.
JOHN
It’s OK. We’re fine. We don’t need anything.
Emily enters the living room.
EMILY
I thought you liked turkey?
JOHN
(confused)
Where are your parents?
EMILY
Church, probably.
JOHN
They left for church?

C. Subtext Drives the Meaning

Original Dialogue:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
The chemo infuses as Jacob holds a vomit bag, dry heaves.
Emily hands him a wet washcloth and he wipes his face. Her look of concern catches his eye.

JACOB
I’m OK, mom, don’t worry. I’ll get through this, I promise.
EMILY
Yeah, it could be worse. They could have decided to cut off your testicles.
JACOB
Mom!! I can’t believe you said that!
The off-the-wall comment starts Jacob laughing uncontrollably. His heart rate spikes and sets off an alarm.
A cute nurse (20) rushes into the room. Notes the laughing and turns off the alarm.
NURSE
Everything OK here?
EMILY
Yeah, I was just making fun of his testicles.
The nurse smiles flirtatiously at Jacob, who tries to hide his embarrassment with a forced laugh.
NURSE
OK then.
The nurse leaves and Jacob throws his pillow at his mom.

Changed Dialogue:
A cute nurse (20) rushes into the room. Notes the laughing and turns off the alarm.
CUTE NURSE
Everything OK here?
EMILY
Yeah, I was just making fun of his sporting equipment.
CUTE NURSE
You play sports?
EMILY
He better not be, his equipment is messed up.
JACOB
Mom…
CUTE NURSE
Maybe when you get out of here you will be able to play again.
EMILY
I wouldn’t count on it for a while.

The cute nurse smiles flirtatiously at Jacob, who tries to hide his embarrassment with a forced laugh.
CUTE NURSE
Well, if you’re OK then, I’ll check back with you later.
The nurse leaves and Jacob throws his pillow at his mom.

D. Deeper Layer Opposes Dialogue

ORIGINAL DIALOGUE
INT. SPERM BANK – LATER
Jacob and his parents sit at a round table with a sperm bank EMPLOYEE.
EMPLOYEE
So, payment won’t be necessary today after all.
EMILY
Why not? I thought you said we had to pay up front to store it.
EMPLOYEE
I’m sorry. I hate to tell you this, but there was no live sperm in the sample.
JOHN
What are you saying?
EMPLOYEE
The testicular cancer has killed the sperm already.
EMILY
So, you mean he can’t have children? Ever?
EMPLOYEE
I’m sorry.
The gut punch news overwhelms Jacob, he doesn’t respond.
JOHN
Could this be corrected? I mean, after the chemo?
EMPLOYEE
I’m sorry. Jacob is sterile.
Emily fights back the tears. John shoots a sorrowful look at Jacob, who has recovered from his initial shock. He covers his sorrow with a light-hearted shrug.
JACOB
No big deal. I can adopt some rugrats.
Emily puts on a brave face.
EMILY
Sure. Of course. You can adopt.
John reaches over, nods, pats Jacob’s hand.
The family leaves the conference room, the somber environment shattered by the laughter of two young children as they enter the building with their parents.
Jacob studies the children for a beat, pinches the bridge of his nose to stay his tears.
CHANGED DIALOGUE
INT. SPERM BANK – LATER
Jacob and his parents sit at a round table with a sperm bank EMPLOYEE.
EMPLOYEE
So, payment won’t be necessary today after all.
EMILY
Why not? I thought you said we had to pay up front to store it.
A child (3) comes running into the room, laughing. A second later, his pregnant mother comes in, chases the child around the table, corrals him and takes him out with an apologetic look.
EMPLOYEE
I’m sorry. I hate to tell you this, but there was no live sperm in the sample.
JOHN
What are you saying?
EMPLOYEE
The testicular cancer has killed the sperm already.
The child is back. Runs up to Jacob and hides behind his legs, peeking out at his exasperated mother who returns to collect him.
MOTHER
I’m so sorry…
Emily waits to speak until the mother and child leave.
EMILY
So, you mean he can’t have children? Ever?
EMPLOYEE
I’m so sorry.
The gut punch news overwhelms Jacob, he doesn’t respond.
JOHN
Could this be corrected? I mean, after the chemo?
The mother returns, without the child, quickly scans the room, shrugs apologetically, leaves.
EMPLOYEE
I’m sorry. Jacob is sterile.
Emily fights back the tears. John shoots a sorrowful look at Jacob, who has recovered from his initial shock. He covers his sorrow with a light-hearted shrug.
JACOB
No big deal. I can adopt some rugrats.
Emily puts on a brave face.
EMILY
Sure. Of course. You can adopt.
John reaches over, nods, pats Jacob’s hand.
The family leaves the conference room, the somber environment shattered by the laughter of the young child as his mother returns him to the waiting room.
Jacob studies the pair for a beat, pinches the bridge of his nose to stay his tears as the errant child runs up to him, hugs his legs.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S DIALOGUE STRUCTURE

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is being able to reduce exposition from dialogue and to improve character dialogue revealing more about the characters as people and what motivates them, and separates them from the other characters.
INT. EVIE AND NICK’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Grampa Nick stares at the flickering fire, his brow furrowed.
Grandma Evie is at the other end of the room. She puts down a framed photo frame of ten year old Howie.
EVIE
They really are adorable together, don’t you think?
NICK
Little too soon for a rebound but I’m please he’s moved on although something tell me he’s not.
EVIE
Well, if any one can bring a little Christmas magic back into Howie’s life, Jasper’s the perfect person for him.
NICK
Jasper? I thought you were talking about Jesús? Jasper’s here for a specific reason and besides, I don’t think Jasper is Howie’s type, if you get my drift.
EVIE
Kids these days don’t care about types. Happiness matters, love matters. It simpler this way.
NICK
Oh, you women always think love is the answer. This is about saving Christmas, Evie. Howie will be fine. He’s resilient, like me.
EVIE
Posh, you’re stubburn Mr. Bellamy. Howie’s lonely. The twinkle in those beautiful eyes has gone dim. If we force Jasper to finish this repair job, we’re just pushing Howie further away from happiness.
NICK
If you so sure about Howie and Jasper why not ask Jasper how he feels about extending his stay? After all he’s to blame for the pickle we’re in.
Evie raises an eyebrow, amused.
EVIE
Oh, I already did and you’ll be pleased to know Jasper’s agreed to stay, on the condition he won’t completley repair the chimney until Howie stops pretending he does’nt care. Seems Jasper has his own sense of priorities.
NICK
You’re a sneaky little fox, Evie.
EVIE
Well, darling, you know what they say, foxes run in packs.
The firelight flickers. Their shadows merge as they kiss.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Dialogue Structures

VISION: I am a very successful screenwriter who has made multiple movies.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to practice dialogue structures until I understand them better.

• A. Setup / Major Twist
Scene 3 – INT/EXT. CAR – NIGHT
In this scene, Emily and Paul are returning from the AA meeting when she demands to get out of the car. The set-up here is after Emily storms off, Paul decides to kill her. He needs her share of the inheritance and doesn’t have time for her theatrics.

• B. Opposite Meanings in Dialogue
Scene 14 – INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
In this scene, Emily has returned to her childhood home after her failed suicide attempt and she and Paul are having breakfast. Paul is resolved to put his plan in motion but needs her to write a will, which of course, he’ll be the benefactor.

• C. Subtext Drives The Meaning
Scene 20 – EXT. ESTATE GROUNDS –DAY
In this scene, Emily is exercising her puppy. She comes face-to-face with a stranger near the woods. The stranger tries to warn her of Paul’s plan.

• D. Deeper Layer Opposes Dialogue
Scene 31 – INT. EMILY’S SUITE – DAY
In this scene, Donahue visits Emily but her puppy won’t start barking. Donahue decides to shut it up for good. Emily starts to recite a prayer and as she continues Donahue starts to burn. (It had been set up previously that Donahue was not Satan but…).

• This reply was modified 6 months, 2 weeks ago by  Monica Arisman. Reason: Formatting

[Michael Collado]

Mike’s Dialogue Structures
My Vision is to write an original screenplay, make a couple of calls to pitch it, to start a bidding war.

At the end of the scene, we learn that Jocinda gave up being the detective hero and catching the burglar the whole city was after to save a woman.

INT. DETECTIVE'S BULLPEN – DAY

Jocinda is at her evidence board for a serial burglar every precinct is trying to catch. She removes its contents and puts them in a box.

CAPTAIN JAMISON moves in behind her and watches for a moment.

CAPTAIN JAMISON
Ames, what were you thinking?
(a beat)
Unauthorized stakeout!
Unauthorized overtime!
You might be a good detective someday. Just not today!
You are on a ninety-day suspension.
Effective immediately!

Jocinda never turns around. She drops her head and drops more evidence board into the box. The last piece at the top of the board is an outline of a blank head with a robber's mask and a question mark.

She stops at her desk to place a few items into the box.

DETECTIVE BROWN
We could have had this guy if you would have just asked for help.

Jocinda keeps placing stuff into the box.

DETECTIVE WHITE enters the bullpen.

DETECTIVE WHITE
Wow, the Lone Wolf hero,
that's going to save the city.
Have a nice vacation.

Jocinda finishes packing her things and heads for the door.

DETECTIVE RYAN
Send us a postcard.

Jocinda stops at the door and turns back to the bullpen.
Everyone is waiting for some words of wisdom.

JOCINDA
Ya know. If it were a MAN that saved that woman in the alley. You would be getting an accommodation!

Jocinda spins on her heels and exits the room.

• This reply was modified 6 months, 2 weeks ago by  Michael Collado.