A J Ferrara
Forum Replies Created
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I agree to keep the strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential.
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I will do the class privately.
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Hello, My name is Janet Place.
I’ve co-written and produced 2 short films, co-written 2 feature film scripts, and produced 1 indie feature film (releasing soon).
Would be great to advance my scene writing skills to improve my scripts and character development. I’d like to complete rewrites on my 2 feature scripts.
Previously, I worked on 20+ film and TV projects as a crew member. Whew – exhausting!
Good luck on your scripts everyone!
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Janet Place
I agree to the terms of this release form.
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A scene from the pilot Central Booking focuses on the triangle Marty, his job and his wife Leslie.
INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
SOUND of a late news re-run in the background. The large flat screen T.V illuminates a dark living room.
LESLIE JOHNSON, 28, sleeps on the couch. She’s Marty’s troubled wife, a California girl, and a former model who’s learning the hard way, what it means to be a cop’s wife.
The front door opens. Marty enters and spots Leslie. He crosses to the coffee table, grabs the remote, next to an empty wine bottle and glass, and shuts the T.V. off.
Leslie’s groggy eyes open.
LESLIE
I was watching that.
MARTY
No you weren’t.
LESLIE
What time is it?
MARTY
I don’t know, two something.
Leslie sits up.
LESLIE
Where were you?
No response. Marty walks into the bedroom.
Leslie watches him, her frustration building.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Leslie enters. A bathroom light illuminates the room. She stands there, waiting.
Marty exits, in boxers and they trade a tense look.
MARTY
We had a problem, okay? They brought a guy in with ties to the Russian mob. I was just making sure we had it covered.
Leslie watches Marty climb into bed. She paces over to her side, lies down and stares at the ceiling.
LESLIE
What time did your problem come in?
MARTY
What?
LESLIE
What time, Marty? What time did the problem come in?
MARTY
I dunno. Sometime around ten.
LESLIE
Ten. You said you’d be home by four. We were supposed to go out to dinner. I sat here, waiting for you all night.
Marty closes his eyes – this is the last thing he wants to do right now. His head pivots toward Leslie, with a forced look of contrition.
MARTY
The whole damn day just got away from me. I promise I’ll make it up to you.
Leslie considers. She rolls on top of Marty and straddles his hips. She looks into his bloodshot eyes-
LESLIE
Make it up to me now.
– leans in and kisses him with passion.
Marty kisses her, but his hands hover by her shoulders with uncertainty.
Leslie senses his apathy and sits up.
Marty responds with a blank stare.
Leslie whips off her tee shirt and drops it on the bed. Marty gazes at her – the dim light REVEALS her killer body.
LESLIE
I’m ovulating. Make it up to me now.
Marty tries to hide his panic.
MARTY
But the doctor said we should wait.
Leslie’s eyes fill with a mix of annoyance and lust.
LESLIE
That was eight weeks ago. The doctor said, wait four.
MARTY
Leslie c’mon, I just came off a fifteen hour shift. Do we gotta do this now?
Leslie turns angry.
LESLIE
So, now you’re too tired to even fuck your wife?
Marty’s eyes narrow.
Leslie rolls off him and pulls a sheet up over her chest. A long tense SILENCE.
LESLIE
How much did you lose tonight?
Marty tries to ignore her, his temper’s rising.
LESLIE
I’m not surprised, really. I can always tell when you lose. Your eyes give it away.
Leslie cracks a sardonic smile, as it hits her.
LESLIE
Jesus Christ, if I can tell, maybe that’s your fucking problem.
Marty steams. He jumps off the bed, grabs a pillow-
MARTY
I’ve got a six to two shift in four hours. We’ll talk about this tomorrow night.
– and exits the room.
Leslie lies there, angry and horny.
Deep in thought – she suddenly reaches over to her night table, opens the draw and pulls out a VIBRATOR. She stares at it – glances at the doorway – and a look that says “fuck it” crosses her face.
She tosses the sheet aside, rips off her shorts and reaches down-
INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT
Marty lies on the couch. His eyes closed – then open, as he hears the vibrator’s HUM from the bedroom. He lies there, a battle raging in his head, but he doesn’t move.
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The dialogue between Danny and Tess is powerful and reveals volumes through what is said and left unsaid. Tess felt abandoned and seems to almost have forced herself into another relationship that protects her from her fears. Danny is a sophisicated crook and admits not much has changed. Their words and emotions reveal enormous amounts of an caused by Danny’s going to jail. Terry seems to view Tess as a piece of property, as much as a love interest. His reaction to Danny is cold, threatening and calculated. On the surface, the love triangle is just that – Danny and Tess’ nervous laugh when they say he’s leaving – but what’s left unsaid leaves a sense that there’s much more at play.
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The power struggle stems from racism and a new situation that neither side created. Gary is interesting as a character because he believes he has power based on his All American status and backing of his coaches and parents. But Coaches psychological ploys and strength of character essentially void whatever power Gary believed he had… and he caves almost immediately when threatened with losing his spot on the team, while not receiving any overt support from his allies. More importantly, it sets up the opportunity for either escalating conflict or possible unity.
Great writing delivers within coaches character traits of strength, confidence and courage.
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GREENBOOK: On the surface, Tony and the Dr. are about as mismatched as could be. Two completely different people with vastly different skill sets and backgrounds. But beneath the surface, each character’s needs and wants are satisfied by pursuing the relationship. And by going down this road together, each creates the potential for learning /accepting the others foibles in order to become friends.
In the scene below, a road trip begins with two participants who have completely opposite views.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
A two-lane road snakes across stark high plains. A red, two door Dodge kicks up a trail of dust.
INT. CAR
The radio plays a static-filled version of something like Bill Haley and The Comet’s “Shake, Rattle and Roll.” Sam drives with a sullen expression. Kate shuts the radio off.
KATE
You barely said a word on the flight.
Sam hesitates.
SAM
It’s just that, we’re dating – nobody knows and this is a story that can easily wreck a career.
KATE
Oh, now you’re worried about your career?
SAM
I’m worried about you Kate! I know you and I know you’re gonna start stepping on toes.
Tension grows.
SAM
Okay, okay. I’m worried about my career too. I gave up football to serve my country. I left the Army to finish school and become a journalist. If I blow this-
Sam lets the words just hang there. He shakes his head in frustration.
SAM
Hell, just forget it.
Sam taps the radio. Music plays.
Frustrated, Kate looks out the window. In her mind, the distant wail of a young woman’s horrified SCREAMS.
FLASHBACK: INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – NIGHT
Two FEMALE NURSES drag TEEN KATE, 14, hysterical and in a straight jacket, down a hall, away from Younger Jack. He stands behind a glass partition, horror and despair seared across his face.
TEEN KATE
No! No! Oh my God! Somebody help me! Daddy, why don’t you believe me?!
RETURN TO PRESENT.
Kate looks out the window with a sad expression.
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What tension comes from putting these two worthy opponents face-to-face?
Both are still in the game. Wyatt backs off by saying he’s retired but Doc shows no fear.
What does Doc discover about Johnny’s character in their first meeting?
Johnny can handle a gun and he’s not just a thief – he’s an intelligent, educated thief
How these two characters stand out from the others.
No one want to get in a gunfight with either.
What drama is this scene built around?
They pretend that they don’t know each other’s names initially, even though they both know damn well who the other is.
What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?
Doc has no fear. He’s completely confident in his ability.
Ringo is unique – an educated outlaw, and also confident he cant be beat
Insight: Doc and Ringo are more similar than either one of them would care to imagine.
In this scene, Laura convinces Williams she want to be his partner in a drug deal, when she has no intention of doing so.
INT. HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT
Laura paces the room, wearing her skin tight dress. A KNOCK on the door. She checks the peep hole, forces a smile and opens the door.
Williams stands there, lust and mistrust on his mind. Laura lets him in and closes the door.
Williams surveys the room – then, sticks his head in the bathroom.
LAURA
It’s just you and me.
WILLIAMS
So, we have a deal. No Benji.
LAURA
Yes.
Satisfied, he shuffles right to the bed, pulls off his shirt and sits.
WILLIAMS
You see? I’m a prophet. I knew you would make it right. You had to be with me. You had to be with the Prophet. I know these things.
Laura glides to the bed and stands in front of him.
LAURA
And you remembered I like strong men.
Williams grabs her hips and jerks her closer. He buries his face in her crotch and inhales. He runs his hand far up her thigh to her crotch.
WILLIAMS
Ahh, no games with you, I see.
Laura feigns interest in the dense matt of tattoo’s scribbled in prison style all over his shoulders, scrolling down his back. She side steps as she moves his hand, kneels next to him on the bed and reads the tattoo aloud.
Williams nods in agreement as she reads:
LAURA
“I was a marked man from a god- forsaken territory. I brought with me, the rotten smell of blood, death and destruction. Many gangsters had sworn to take my reputation, but through my fast reflexes I have survived their blows.”
Laura caresses the tattoo.
LAURA
Wow. That’s so hot. But we should talk first. It’s important because-
Williams whips Laura into his lap and kisses her neck.
WILLIAMS
No more talking.
Williams grabs Laura’s hair – she tries to hide a flash of fear – he jerks her head back and kisses her passionately.
EXT. HOTEL PARKING LOT – NIGHT
The BMW sits at the end of a row of cars in the back lot, bordered by tall bushes. Seb walks along the long line of cars, stalling for time.
Hidden by the bushes, Clarence smokes a cigarette and notices Seb’s approach – and his white gloves.
Seb nears the BMW and stops cold. He reads the vanity plate: “THE PROPHET” Suddenly curious, he circles around to the drivers side. He looks in the driver’s side window-
Quick footsteps – Seb turns – BOOM! Clarence throws Seb in a headlock and SLAMS HIM AGAINST THE CAR.
INT. HOTEL SUITE – NIGHT
Williams stands up with Laura in his arms and tosses her on the bed. He climbs on top of her – notices her odd, distracted expression and angrily grabs her by the hair.
WILLIAMS
Say what you have to say, baby.
Laura looks at him intensely, stalling – stalling.
LAURA
Someone wants to take you out.
Williams smirks.
WILLIAMS
Lots of people wanna take me out. Every day, people wanna take me out.
Laura hesitates-
LAURA
Benji paid money to this guy Mbona. He put a hit on you.
What the fuck?! Williams turns choleric. He grabs Laura.
WILLIAMS
Who is Mbona? How do you know Mbona?
LAURA
Let me show you.
Williams releases and backs off. Laura picks her phone up off the night stand, scrolls and shows Williams the phone number.
Williams pulls a phone from his pocket, keys the number in – Mbona’s name pops up.
LAURA
If we’re gonna be partners, we have to trust each other. We’ve got to be transparent.
He looks at Laura, trying to hide his disbelief, then taps a speed dial.
Laura watches with deep concern.
WILLIAMS (O.S.)
Quickly man, bring the car around. Bring it now.
Williams listens – glances at Laura – he nods and his brow furrows.
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A great example of how two souls seem destined for each other. Mannerisms, words said and not said seem to indicated that for different reasons Annie and Sam are lonely and searching fr something more.
In the scene below, Tony and Alex after going through Tony’s life and death ordeal,with them both believing they have forged a strong bond; see it all unravel in a shocking climax.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Tony lies in bed, asleep. His right leg, elevated in a foot to hip cast. A bandage wrapped around his head. A teddy bear lies by his side.
A closer look REVEALS beads of sweat on his forehead, his breathing, heavy. Suddenly, his eyes bulge open in horror and recognition – his memory returned.
He glances around the room, then looks down and spots the teddy bear.
A FLASH: Jenna hands Tony the teddy bear.
RETURN TO SCENE.
He picks up the bear and examines.
Alex appears in the open doorway and KNOCKS.
ALEX
Thought you could use some company.
Tony forces a smile. Alex approaches and stands by the bedside. Nervous tension fills the room.
ALEX
How are you feeling?
TONY
Like I was hit by a truck.
ALEX
I’ll bet. Has your memory comeback?
A flash of fear crosses Tony’s face.
TONY
They said, I have a severe concussion. My memory — it could be few days, a few weeks they’re not really sure. Anyway, nobody’s come to claim me.
A little surprised, Alex forces a chuckle.
ALEX
I heard you were in surgery for quite a while.
TONY
Fifteen hours. The doctor said, there’s a seventy-five percent chance they saved my leg.
Alex glances down, spots the teddy bear and smiles.
ALEX
And what’s this?
Tony grins.
TONY
Our little friend Jenna came by with her aunt to visit. She brought me a gift.
ALEX
Did they tell her about her mother?
Tony gives a grim head shake.
ALEX
I can’t even imagine — but you should be — you were there for her. You helped save her life.
Tony fights back a tear.
TONY
Really, it was you, but I’m glad I could help. For a while there, it felt like she WAS my daughter.
Tony takes Alex’ hand.
TONY
I want to thank you for everything you did for me. I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for you.
Alex gazes at Tony – she’s wants to show her growing feelings, but a battle is raging in her head – Tony notices.
TONY
It’s okay. Sometimes things don’t turn out like you hope.
Alex puts her other hand over his, caresses it gently, then leans in and they exchange a tender kiss.
She releases-
ALEX
I gotta go.
– turns, heads for the door-
TONY
Take care of those kids.
– and exits the room.
INT. HOSPITAL HALL – DAY
Alex walks down the hall, trying to contain her torment.
Alex turns a corner and approaches the elevator. Oblivious, she passes two MEN, wearing suits, speaking with a NURSE, at the nurses station.
Alex presses the elevator button and waits.
The VOLUME from a T.V. gets her attention. Alex notices five people standing by a T.V. in the waiting room. Curious, she approaches-
INT. WAITING ROOM – DAY
– and enters the room.
NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
If you’re just joining us, we have an important update on the bombing at the Sepulveda Veteran’s Administration Building two days ago.
ON T.V. SCREEN: A FEMALE NEWSCASTER, 30’s, speaks.
NEWSCASTER
We have confirmation from the Los Angeles Police Department that this appears to have been a terrorist attack. A man has been identified, after video-
Newscaster pauses, a hand to her ear piece.
NEWSCASTER
Yes, we’re going to roll it now.
Video ROLLS ON T.V. SCREEN:
– A man (we can’t see his face) walks through the desolate building lobby, wearing a large back pack.
CUT TO:
– the man walks down a stairwell.
Alex stares at the T.V.
NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
This video, from recovered building surveillance shows the suspect entering-
FLASHBACK: EXT. AMBULANCE – DAY
Alex sits at the open rear door of the ambulance, staring grim-faced at the video on the I-PAD.
ON I-PAD SCREEN:
– a door opens. The man enters the basement and walks down a corridor, BACK TO CAMERA.
NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
– the basement approximately thirty minutes before the explosion, with a backpack. He walks down a hall-
CUT TO:
– The man places the backpack behind a pillar. He rips open the backpack to REVEAL a two blocks of C-4 explosives, with multiple detonator caps merging into an old FLIP PHONE.
NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
– and you can see, right there, he places the backpack, that seems to have some type of cellphone detonator, against one of the building’s support columns.
The man presses the power button and the phone lights up.
RETURN TO SCENE.
VIDEO ON T.V. SCREEN:
HE TURNS – WE SEE IT’S TONY, AS HE PULLS A SMART PHONE FROM HIS POCKET AND RETRACES BACK UP THE HALL.
NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
The alleged bomber is a former Army Ranger, who served four tours of duty in Afghanistan, with experience in ordinance disposal and has a history of-
Alex’ eyes fill with tears, her focus riveted on the T.V.
NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
– what was termed severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Unnamed sources within the Veterans Administration state the man-
VIDEO ON T.V SCREEN:
– Tony sits at the bottom of the stairwell, BACK TO CAMERA, head down, shoulders heaving, as he weeps.
NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
– was an out-patient at the Sepulveda V.A. and had recently shown both violent and suicidal tendencies.
CUT TO:
– A picture of Tony, in full dress uniform. The SUPER, BELOW THE PICTURE READS: CORPORAL ROBERT E. BENTON
NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
The suspect, Corporal Robert E. Benton, a resident of Los Angeles, was rescued from the basement of the building-
FLASHBACK: EXT. AMBULANCE -DAY
ON I-PAD SCREEN: A picture of Tony, in full dress uniform. The SUPER, BELOW THE PICTURE READS: CORPORAL ROBERT E. BENTON
Alex sits on the back of the ambulance, her grim-faced gaze locked on the I-PAD.
NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
– along with a seven year old girl who had just entered the building with her mother, an Army widow, who died in the blast. A dozen other Veteran’s Administration employees were also pulled from the rubble with minor injuries.
Alex swipes the screen for each frame.
ON I-PAD SCREEN:
– A P.D.F. file cover page titled: Veterans Administration Psychological Profile – Corporal Robert Benton. 2014-2017
– A picture of a smiling Tony and Garcia, in fatigues, standing outside a tent.
– A picture of Tony, with his wife and son.
NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
So far, five deaths have been reported, including two members of Los Angeles Fire and Rescue. Benton is said to have suffered a traumatic leg injury and a severe concussion that had left him with amnesia.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Weeping silently, Tony stares at the ceiling-
NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
However, Channel Four News has learned that within the last twelve hours, Benton’s memory has returned.
A FLASH:
INT. APARTMENT – DAY: Tony places a backpack on the coffee table, flips it open and views two C-4 explosives blocks, hooked to detonator caps and the old FLIP PHONE.
RETURN TO SCENE.
– tears streaming down his face.
NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
He has admitted to detonating the device, but has refused to give a motive for the attack; although officials believe Benton’s severely impaired mental state from the recurring P.T.S.D. and his anger regarding the prescribed drug treatment were likely a factor.
INT. WAITING ROOM – DAY
As the newscaster’s voice fades into the background, tears stream down Alex’ cheeks, her expression, utter shock, heartbreak and unspeakable pain.
NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
Those same V.A. sources believe that despite the detonation of a large amount of military grade explosives, the precise placement of the bomb, directly below the main atrium lobby, and early hour of the bombing may indicate an attempt at suicide rather than a desire to inflict mass casualties. And it may have been that very placement that saved Benton’s life.
FADE TO BLACK.
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I learned that there are many ways to manipulate character relationships. In the script I’m using for this lesson, we have to ask, Do these two belong together or are horrific circumstances creating an illusion. Do either of them realize what happening or is a wave of emotion blinding them to what reality is. Creating tension and plot subtext through a two person relationship can drive the plot to an either happy or heartbreaking ending.
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I can’t seem to find the link for doing feedback. Are we supposed to do it here?
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A very powerful scene within a great film. The dichotomy of Will and Skylar’s background surges to the forefront and with it is a revelation of what makes them both tick. Their hopes and fears explode in this scene through powerful dialogue. The essence of it is Skylar fears not being loved and Will is afraid to love. Bad combination. Skylar has fallen in live without really knowing who Will is and Will’s past and fear of abandonment may keep him from falling in love even if wants to.
Understanding the dynamics of our character’s baggage – their hopes and fears can elevate a scene beyond what a conversation where two people refuse to admit their real pain. I took this insight to revise the scene below.
INTERCUT VIDEO CALL: INT. POLICE VAN – DAY
Alex looks distraught.
ALEX
Thank God. I thought we lost you.
TONY
No chance. I’m like a damn cockroach. Did you get my text?
ALEX
I just got it. There was no signal for about twenty minutes.
Alex hesitates.
ALEX
Another section of the building collapsed. We lost two men.
TONY
Jesus.
ALEX
They’re working to stabilize this side of the building.
Alex tenses. An awkward SILENCE.
ALEX
And I lied.
TONY
What?
A tear rolls down Alex’ cheek, her eyes filled with immeasurable heartbreak.
TONY
What? What?
Alex swipes the tear away.
ALEX
I promised I would never lie to you, but I lied — I lied about Josh. We never divorced. He left me.
A FLASH: INT MORGUE – NIGHT: A DOCTOR opens a cold locker and slides the table out. A MAN’S BODY LIES THERE, COVERED TO THE NECK, A BULLET HOLE IN HIS HEAD.
ALEX VIEWS THE BODY, PARALYZED WITH GRIEF.
ALEX (V.O.)
He was living in an apartment, when he was killed during a robbery. I never talk about it. If we had stayed together-
RETURN TO SCENE.
Alex swipes away another tear.
ALEX
– if I’d been more understanding — if I wasn’t so fucking selfish — I just live with the guilt every day.
TONY
You know, you didn’t have to tell me that.
Alex nods.
ALEX
I know.
The field AGENT appears and taps Alex’ shoulder.
ALEX
Tony, stand by.
Alex quickly recovers, as she spins around in her chair. The agent shows her an I-PAD. She scans the tablet – and turns pale.
The agent leans in and whispers – Alex nods – and the agent exits.
Alex takes a breath, then spins back around – and a hopeful smile creases her face.
ALEX
They’re coming back down. We’re gonna get you out of there.
Tony coughs hard. Above him, the SOUND of heavy equipment.
TONY
Maybe that’s not such a good idea.
ALEX
No please, don’t give up now.
TONY
How many people have to die? Why should anyone else have to die, trying to save me.
ALEX
Tony.
TONY
Maybe it’s time to dump the meat suit and move on.
The words SMACK Alex in the face. She leans back in her seat, emotional.
TONY
I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I really do. It’s more than I deserve.
ALEX
Tony, please.
TONY
I’ve seen enough guys die to know what’s coming.
Alex leans toward her phone, her brow furrowed.
ALEX
What did you say?
TONY
Yeah, I’m starting to remember some things. I think I am a vet, but it doesn’t matter now. Nothing hurts, Alex. I’ve got this warm feeling, like I’m wrapped in a blanket. I think we both know what happens next.
Alex grabs the phone and stands with determination.
ALEX
I don’t accept that. I won’t. Do you think you’re the only one we’re trying to save? Our guys won’t stop until every person that’s still alive, comes out alive. They’re coming for you, Tony. You made it this far. That’s gotta mean something. So it’s up to you. What do you REALLY want? Do you WANT to remember? Do you want to live?
SOUND of HEAVY MACHINERY and VOICES grows louder as Tony and Alex exchange an emotional gaze.
TONY
I don’t know.
Alex glances away with a slight head shake, then turns back to Tony.
ALEX
Well, if it’s all the same to you, I’d prefer you choose life.
A LOUD CREAK. The concrete slab above Tony, GRINDS upward slightly, then grinds upward three feet, from the beam on his leg. A dim light illuminates the space.
Tony’s eyes widen in surprise.
TONY
Jesus Christ, they’re moving the slab.
Alex forces a hopeful grin, as tears roll down her cheek.
ALEX
You see? Never give up.
Voices, from above Tony, grow LOUDER.
A faint SQUEAKING SOUND. Tony frowns.
ALEX
What?
TONY
I’m not sure.
SQUEAKING GROWS LOUDER. Tony’s expression turns fearful.
ALEX
Tony, what’s wrong?
TONY
What the hell is that?
SUDDENLY, A HUGE SWARM OF RATS CHARGE OVER THE BEAM ON TONY’S LEG AND OVER HIS BODY – TONY SCREAMS – ALEX SHRIEKS, AS HE DROPS THE PHONE ON HIS CHEST.
TONY SCREAMS AND FLAILS, TRYING TO FIGHT THEM OFF.
ALEX SCREAMS TONY’S NAME OVER AND OVER – THE SWARM KEEPS COMING, ALL RACING IN THE SAME DIRECTION, OVER HIS BODY AND HEAD.
Finally, the rats pass. Tony tries to catch his breath and grabs the phone.
ALEX
Christ, Are you all right?!
Overwhelmed, Tony wipes sweat off his forehead.
TONY
Okay okay. I choose life.
Alex exhales in relief.
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The key to this sequence is the second video. Reveals come through a word game that elevates the tension and the stakes as they go. Kate goes along reluctantly. She doesn’t see it coming, but takes the shot tells the truth then gets a surprise. The dialogue, couched in a game, brings revelations, surprises and increasing tension.
Scene: A man trapped in the wreckage of a building after a terrorist attack.
INT. BASEMENT – DAY
Total darkness. Faint SCREAMS and CRIES for help. Labored breath, in furnace-like heat, grows louder.
A dust-filled dim light, as the man opens his eyes and WAILS IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN.
Barely visible, blood and beads of sweat coat his forehead, mixed with a putrid film of dust that covers him from head to toe.
Adrenaline, fear and panic surge through him. His eyes rake the surroundings, a twisted jungle of concrete, rubble and debris.
The man, flat on the ground, tries to move – he SCREAMS – searing pain causes his body to tremble. He begins to hyperventilate, fists clenched, his body spasms in agony.
Endless seconds pass. The man’s mouth opens – he’s tries, but pain and fear trap words in his throat.
Finally, a deep breath explodes out of his lungs.
MAN
HELP! Somebody help me!
He waits for an answer – muddled PLEAS from other victims, the only response.
The man wipes sweat and blood off his brow. He GROWLS as he lifts his head and looks down through dim light, toward his feet.
His right leg, crushed – trapped at the knee, under a steel beam.
The man tries to pull his leg out – an uncontrollable, ear-splitting SCREAM. Sweat, anxiety, hellish pain.
MAN
FUCK!
He tries to push the beam with his free left leg. He presses hard, desperate for any movement – just a damn inch – just for one second – max effort – another GROWL – but nothing moves.
He stops pushing, his body shifts slightly – another SCREAM, as a wave of pain shoots up his right leg.
The man struggles to twist his body – he looks to his far left-
SCARE! A dead WOMAN, late 20’s, dark hair, lies nearby, her body twisted and broken, her vacant eyes staring at him.
The man recoils in horror, but the sudden move sends another wave of torment through his body.
AN OMINOUS RUMBLE from above – dust and small fragments of debris fall around him. His dread intensifies.
MAN
Oh God oh God oh God. Help! Somebody help!
Sweat cascades down his face. Blood oozes from a head gash and abject fear pours off his every word.
MAN
Is anybody there!? God damn it, somebody help me!
Another RUMBLE. More dust pours into the space – and another sliver of light.
The man swipes dust away from his face.
More light accents the man’s features. His face streaked with dirt, blood and sweat, average build and through his pain, eyes that reveal utter confusion.
The man looks up, and realizes his tight confines.
An enormous slab of concrete hangs precariously, about four feet above his head.
Another larger block, almost cracked in two, sits just beyond the beam that traps him.
He glances down at his leg. He uses his arms – and BELLOWS in agony – as he forces himself up into a seated position, his head now inches from the concrete.
The man starts to dig dirt and debris away from both sides of his trapped leg with his hands. He GROANS – and digs – FASTER – FASTER – DESPERATION – FASTER.
He tries to move his leg – an intense pain wracks his body and forces him back down.
He catches his breath – and tries to move his leg again-
– and again – and again. Each attempt brings nothing but overwhelming agony.
He stops, to catch his breath, and lies there, in a purgatorial SILENCE.
His eyes dart around the space – a coherent moment – he tries to assess.
He looks at his watch – old style with hour and minute hands. It reads: 8:34 am. He squints to look closer – the second hand is moving – hell, at least it works.
The man feels his forehead – a bloody gash oozes. He wipes it on his sleeve.
His head tilts and he studies the dead woman – it’s a long, curious gaze. His mind races – his emotions building. His eyes well with tears – an internal battle builds.
He looks away from the woman, wipes tears from his face. He wants to cry, but won’t allow it. Pressure builds into a frustrated HEAD SHAKE AND A GROWL-
MAN
ARRGHH!
– as he forces his emotions away.
He hears faint PLEAS for help. Suddenly hyper-vigilant, he scans his surroundings – where is it coming from?
MAN
I hear you! Where are you?! Please, talk to me!
Unseen, PETE, late 50’s GROANS from close by – then struggles to speak.
PETE (O.S.)
Oh, Christ. I hear you, kid. I hear you. Sounds like you’re close.
The man’s eyes widen in shock.
MAN
Yes yes. Please, get me outta here.
No response. The man waits.
MAN
Hello?
Pete GROANS, in pain.
PETE (O.S.)
I think my arm’s broken. I can move, but it’s pretty tight in here. I don’t see a way out. What the hell happened?
MAN
I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m trapped. This fucking beam’s crushing my leg.
The man moves suddenly and HOWLS in pain.
PETE (O.S.)
Yeah, I see it. I’m on the other side of this wall.
MAN
Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.
PETE (O.S.)
You gotta stay with me, kid. I’m sure help is on the way.
The man lays there, afraid to move.
PETE (O.S.)
What’s your name, kid?
His eyes widen, in shock, as he wracks his brain.
MAN
Oh, shit, I can’t remember. I can’t remember. I don’t remember anything. What the hell is going on?
PETE (O.S.)
Ah, you must’ve taken a shot to the head. Maybe it’s a concussion or something.
MAN
I‘ve got a gash on my head.
PETE (O.S.)
There you go. I’ve had a couple of those. I used to box a little. Golden Gloves, back in the day. Don’t worry. It’ll come back to you soon enough.
The man lays there, completely lost and frozen in pain.
PETE (O.S.)
Look in your wallet. You gotta have some I.D. A driver’s license or something.
Yes yes! The man gingerly starts a pat down – searching – searching – pockets empty.
MAN
C’mon c’mon.
He feels around in the dirt by his side.
MAN
Shit, my wallet’s gone.
PETE (O.S.)
Tell you what. I’m Pete. For now, I’ll call you Tony. You good with that?
Tony grimaces in pain. He SCREAMS as another surge of pain hits him.
PETE (O.S.)
Focus on my voice, Tony. Just take deep breaths. Deep breaths and try to focus.
TONY
Yeah yeah, I’ll try.
PETE (O.S.)
You know, my little brother’s name was Tony. Antonio. We were identical twins.
TONY
Little brother?
Pete forces a CHUCKLE.
PETE
Yeah, I had him by two minutes and twenty four seconds.
Tony doesn’t think it’s funny.
As they speak, he wipes more sweat and blood off his face, then unbuttons his soaking-wet shirt, wincing in pain with every move.
TONY
You said, was.
PETE (O.S.)
Ah, it makes me sick to even think about it.
TONY
I’m sorry. Forget it.
Pete GROANS.
PETE (O.S.)
Jesus Christ.
TONY
You okay?
PETE (O.S.)
Yeah yeah, just saw stars there for a second. Shake it off! Uggh, where was I? Oh right, Tony joined the Army when he was eighteen. We both had a free ride to Florida State for football, but the crazy little shit went and enlisted, just like that. Can you believe it?
Tony considers.
TONY
Did he die in action?
PETE (O.S.)
Served in Gulf War One, in Special Ops.
A long SILENCE.
PETE (O.S.)
After six years, he retires. The dope coulda taken a nice safe office job somewhere, but that‘s not who he was. He became one of N.Y.P.D.’s finest. First in his class at the academy and they stick him in the fortieth precinct. The God damn South Bronx. Those friggin’ idiots. Six months later, he’s dead. Shot in the head during a domestic violence call.
Tony lays there, his face a blank slate.
A faint SOUND OF JACKHAMMERS breaks the SILENCE.
PETE (O.S.)
Hear that, kid? They’re coming for us.
No response.
PETE (O.S.)
Hey, by any chance, you got your cell? I left mine in the damn car. Might be smart if we let’em know we’re here.
Tony suddenly appears nervous – and he’s not sure why.
TONY
No, no phone.
A long RUMBLE.
Dust and light debris falls on Tony. He covers up – a quick move – and he SCREAMS in pain.
Pete GROANS again.
PETE (O.S.)
Hang in there. I’ve gotta feeling they’ll be here soon.
Tony grimaces.
TONY
What about you?
PETE (O.S.)
What about me?
TONY
What’s your deal? You go to college without your brother?
PETE (O.S.)
Hey, we did everything together. Well almost. I joined the marines instead of going to school. I figured I can’t let him have all the fun. Never saw action though.
Pete forces a CHUCKLE, through the pain.
PETE (O.S.)
Unless you count the Pentagon.
Tony’s eyes narrow-
PETE (O.S.)
Called it a career after twenty- five.
– his temper rising-
PETE (O.S.)
You still there, kid?
– and he explodes in a a sudden burst of anger.
TONY
I’m not your fucking kid, okay!? I’m not your fucking kid!
PETE (O.S.)
Hey, I didn’t mean nothin’ by it. You’re right you’re right. I’ll stick with Tony.
Tony’s anger melts into remorse.
TONY
Oh Christ, I’m sorry.
PETE (O.S.)
No sweat, Tony. I get it. We’re in the same pickle here.
Beads of sweat cover Tony’s face, as a sudden wave of panic pours over him.
TONY
Do you really think we’re gettin’ out?
Tony glances over at the dead woman.
TONY
‘Cause I’ve got a bad feeling. I think I’m supposed to die today.
Pete GROANS in pain as he speaks.
PETE (O.S.)
Don’t say shit like that, Tony. Don’t even think it. You know, they say your thoughts create your reality. You gotta stay positive.
TONY
What are you, into that woo-woo stuff?
Tony listens, a little surprised, as Pete strikes a chord.
PETE (O.S.)
Woo-woo. That’s rich. I call it the spiritual path. The universe provides, Tony. We’re spiritual beings in a human meat suit. We come here, spend some time, learn some lessons, then we go home.
TONY
Oh yeah? So, what have you learned?
PETE (O.S.)
It’s a horrifying, cruel planet we live on, but you can make it a paradise, if that’s what you want. That, and I’m not afraid of death. Death is not real.
Pete CHUCKLES.
PETE (O.S.)
It’s just dumping the meat suit and moving on. I hope we get the hell outta here, but I’m not afraid of what happens if we don’t, and you shouldn’t be either.
TONY
You’re like a hispanic Dali Lama or somethin’.
PETE (O.S)
Ah, now you’re talkin. Gracias, mi amigo.
Faint sounds of JACKHAMMERS and heavy MACHINERY from above. Tony’s eyes dart around, unnerved by the sounds.
TONY
Hey, Pete.
PETE (O.S.)
Yeah, kid, I mean Tony.
Tony MOANS as he moves his left arm.
TONY
I don’t know about all that other stuff, but I can tell ya this. It IS a cruel planet.
A louder RUMBLE from above.
The jackhammers suddenly stop. SILENCE – then, the SOUND of a child CRYING.
PETE (O.S.)
You hear that?
TONY
Yeah.
PETE (O.S.)
Sounds close.
Tony sniffs.
TONY
What’s that smell?
BOOM! An explosion above them. Two loud metallic POPS.
Debris falls around Tony – he SCREAMS.
Pete SCREAMS!
THE CONCRETE SLAB ABOVE TONY LURCHES DOWN –
TONY
No!
– AND STOPS, JUST TWO FEET ABOVE HIM.
SECONDS PASS – THE CONCRETE DEBRIS STORM SUBSIDES.
HEAVY DUST FILLS THE AIR.
Tony coughs, choking on dust – a hacking fit ensues – every cough wracks his body in convulsions of stabbing pain.
He pulls his shirt up over his face. He GROANS in agony, as he tries to catch his breath.
Slowly, the dust settles. Tony’s coughs subside, replaced by a deafening SILENCE.
TONY
Pete, are you okay?
No response.
TONY
Pete?
SILENCE. Tony’s eyes well with tears.
TONY
No no no no. Please, God. Pete! Pete! PETE!
Tony waits for an answer – no response.
His neck veins strain – his face turns crimson and his rage bursts to the surface.
TONY
Fuck you! Fuck you! How could you do that?! How could you let him die?!
Tony’s rage morphs into a grief-stricken WAIL. Then-
TONY
He was trying to help!
Tony wipes his face with his shirt. He GROANS-
TONY
Oh God.
– all energy expended, as his rage reduces to a whimper.
TONY
He was trying to help.
Tony’s mind wanders. He stares at the concrete slab, two feet above him. His eyes close.
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There’s so much going on in this scene – and very little of it is overt. Junah’s swing, body language and dialogue reveal a total lack of confidence in his game. Bagger’s polite southern manner seems a necessity of the times. When he says he doesn’t play golf, after crushing a shot, that one sentence speaks volumes of the time he lives in. Bagger tone and extreme confidence in his speech and demeanor overwhelm Junah and provide an great set up for what to come. Subtext powers the scene as much as, and thanks to their dialogue.
SCENE from my feature film script The Ball Player.
INT. HOTEL SUITE (AUGUST 1968)
Joe and Mickey sit on a couch, talking. Two bottles of Johnnie Walker Red – one empty, one half full on the table.
SILENCE. Mickey slugs down his scotch and pours another.
JOE
You okay, Slick?
Mickey stares straight ahead, tears in his eyes.
MICKEY
I’m runnin’ out of time, Joe.
JOE
Naa, what are you talkin’ about?
MICKEY
My Dad, my grandfather, my uncles — they all died of Hodgkin’s by the time they were forty. That’s what’s waiting for me and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
Weeping, Mickey turns away.
MICKEY
It’s too young. Too God damn young.
JOE
Mick, take it easy, man. If you can’t control it, what the fuck difference does it make? It’s been fun. There’s been some real shitty shit too, but fuck it.
Mickey wipes tears and slugs down his shot.
MICKEY
I’m sorry, man. I’m sorry.
Joe pours them both another round. They sit there in SILENCE – as a thin smile creases Joe’s lips.
JOE
You know, when I was a kid, maybe eight or nine, my dad and I were crabbing off the Cross Bay Bridge. The sun was just coming up and it was so still, the bay was like a mirror and you could see your reflection in the water. It was nice — kind of other-worldly. I looked up at my dad and said, Dad, I feel like I’m gonna live forever. And he gave me one of those smiles- and said, that, right there. Never let that idea go. Hold onto it. Hold it tight.
Joe shakes his head as Mickey glances over.
JOE
Maybe I didn’t know shit – or maybe he was right.
Mickey peers into his scotch, a sad smile on his face.
MICKEY
I wish they were here with us right now.
Joe swirls scotch around in his glass, rubs the scar on his cheek and his smile dissolves into a look of despair.
-
Sarah is reluctantly accepting what her new life will become. She shifts between not wanting to know, but asking questions that will propel her into accepting what is happening to her. Kyle gives her information but hesitates at times. The dialogue drives the both into a world they’re not prepared for.
I chose a scene from a recently written TV PILOT that has similar subtext and characters who aren’t really prepared for what awaits them.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT (1915 Italy)
A KNOCK-KNOCK at the door startles them. Marianna’s eyes widen in fear.
Giuseppe jumps from his seat and brings a finger to his lips – SHH!
He creeps to the door and reaches for a thick, gnarled walking stick that rests near the stove.
Marianna wants to scream, but can only manage a loud whisper.
MARIANNA
Giuseppe!
Giuseppe shakes his head (no.) He approaches the door, stick in hand. He listens.
SILENCE.
GIUSEPPE
Who’s there?!
ZIA ANNUNZIATA MOSCA, 70, speaks with a Calabrese accent and a firm, commanding voice.
ZIA
Zia Annunziata.
Marianna jumps out of her seat, relieved.
MARIANNA
My God, Zia! Why didn’t you say so!
Giuseppe opens the door.
ZIA
I just did.
Zia Annunziata, the respected matriarch of the Mosca clan, enters. She’s a little bit of a thing and her tan, weathered face reveals a difficult life; but she still packs a punch in any fight, verbal or otherwise.
A bit out of breath, Zia smiles.
ZIA
Are you going to hit me with that stick?
GIUSEPPE
This is what happens when you scare people half to death in the middle of the night.
Marianna reaches for a pitcher of water.
MARIANNA
Zia, would you like some water?
ZIA
Oh, Marianna dear, you know I would prefer grappa, but water will do.
Giuseppe rolls his eyes. Marianna smiles, pours water and hands her a glass.
MARIANNA
Zia, it’s dangerous for you to be out so late.
ZIA
Well, who told you to move all the way up here, like a mountain goat?
GIUSEPPE
See how she starts, Marianna? Maybe you’re why we moved up here, Zia.
ZIA
So, this is how you treat me when I climb up halfway to God to bring you something?
MARIANNA
No, Zia. He doesn’t mean it. Tell her you don’t mean it, Babo.
Giuseppe just grins. Zia sits at the table and opens her overfilled purse. She retrieves a shoe-sized package wrapped in twine and lays it on the table.
GIUSEPPE
You plan on staying a while?
He reaches for the package and Zia slaps his hand.
ZIA
Leave it. I have something else for you.
He pulls his hand back, trying not to laugh, but Marianna giggles. Zia frowns.
ZIA
I know you both like to tease your Zia but this is not a laughing matter.
MARIANNA
I’m sorry, Zia.
Giuseppe and Marianna share more stifled giggles.
Zia pulls a bulging envelope out and lays it on the table beside the package. She nudges the package toward Marianna.
ZIA
These are homemade biscotti for the children. It is their favorite.
Zia puts her hand on the envelope and stands.
ZIA
Now, I have given this extraordinary thought and more than a little bit of prayer. Before coming here, I went to San Bruno, day after day on my knees, seeking guidance. The answer was clear. There is only one choice.
Zia slides the envelope to Giuseppe.
Giuseppe hesitates – he’s not laughing now.
ZIA
Well, go on, open it.
Giuseppe takes the envelope. He studies it. He glances at Marianna, then folds back the flap, reaches in and slides out a thick wad of paper lire. His jaw drops. Marianna GASPS.
ZIA
It comes with a condition.
Giuseppe recoils, surprised.
ZIA
There is no need to count it or question me. It is a precise amount. Exactly what you’ll need.
Marianna steps closer, concerned.
MARIANNA
Zia, what are you talking about?
ZIA
And you, Marianna Mosca, will support him in this.
MARIANNA
Support him – in what? Where did you get all this money? What are we supposed to do?
ZIA
He will go. You will stay.
Marianna and Giuseppe exchange a fearful gaze.
ZIA
This is enough money for passage, for Giuseppe and one of your sons. Passage from Palermo to L’America.
ZIA
Stop! Both of you! You will not defy me, and you certainly will not defy San Bruno.
Marianna side-steps to Giuseppe. They clasp hands, their panic growing.
ZIA (O.S.)
Look at you. This town, this, God help me, this country is no place to raise your family. Of the Moscas left, you, Giuseppe, you are the one to carry on the name. But not here.
ZIA
Not in this hell hole.
Zia takes Giuseppe’s other hand and caresses it.
ZIA
These are not for prickly pears. I want to spit when I look at your nails, full of this mountain. You are a tailor, Giuseppe, an artist. Never in my life, have I seen someone who could sew like you. It is a gift, a gift from God and you are wasting it on dirt.
Zia releases his hand.
ZIA
I will not put up with it anymore. You are going – to L’America.
SILENCE. Giuseppe and Marianna’s heads are spinning like they’ve been smacked in the face.
ZIA
You will have work. You will send Marianna money and she and the rest of the children will follow. And there is nothing else to say.
MARIANNA
But how? Where did you get all-
ZIA
I sold the donkey.
MARIANNA
Zia no! That was for your future.
ZIA
You are my future. The arrangements have been made. You have some time to put things in order. The Santa Ana leaves from Palermo in a few weeks. I like the name. It is a good sign. Ana was the Madonna’s mother and the grandmother of our Lord Jesus. You can not get better than that.
GIUSEPPE
A few weeks! Zia, no!
Marianna backs away in shock. She turns away and leans on the stove, her breathing, desperate.
ZIA (O.S.)
Listen to me, young man. You do not tell Zia no. You will do this for the family, for all of us. You will do this.
GIUSEPPE
But where will I go? I can’t leave Marianna. Adelina isn’t well. Zia, please.
ZIA
Your whole family is sick, not just the little girl. And it will be worse for all of you if you stay. That I can guarantee. You must do this. You must make a sacrifice. That is what a man does. Be a man, Giuseppe. Be a man.
Stunned, and trying to hide the fear in his eyes, Giuseppe can’t even look at Marianna.
ZIA
I will take care of Marianna and the other children while you are away. That is my promise to you.
Zia considers.
ZIA
Oh, and another thing, you should take Franco with you.
Marianna whips around, horror etched on her face.
ZIA (O.S.)
Leave Stefano with Marianna and the little one. He is very confused right now. He has one foot in childhood and the other in manhood. He is a thinker – but also a hardhead. He will consider this an abandonment of the homeland. Trust me. You must give him time.
Giuseppe wavers – he knows he’s losing this argument.
GIUSEPPE
How will I know what to do? Where would I go?
ZIA
Do you think I would throw you to the wolves. A man, Signore Rodolfo Moretti, will meet you at the dock in New York. He is a padrone from Reggio.
Marianna listens, completely overwhelmed.
ZIA (O.S.)
I have told him of your skills as a tailor. He will help you with some work and a place to stay. This is what he does. You will give him a little of what you make. You will send a little back to Marianna.
Giuseppe listens, stone-faced.
ZIA (O.S.)
You will live on the rest. In time, you will be able to send for her and the children. This is all too much right now, I know. You take some time with your family. But you be at that boat. Do you hear me?
SILENCE.
ZIA
Answer me now!
GIUSEPPE
I hear you!
Marianna trades a heartbroken look with Giuseppe.
-
Every line of dialogue is important to push the theme of the scene forward. Use the character traits to express the emotions that are needed in the moment. Elevate.
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Dialogue needs to push the story forward, either through direct action or subtext. Sara ‘s overt reluctance barely hides her sense that she coming to grips with her life changing in a dramatic way, whether she likes it or not. Characters needs to be functioning on more than just a superficial level.
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This was a great example of creating tension and conflict with zero action. The dialogue created increasing tension through Will’s character traits. Verbal conflict in the perfect setting.
Note: Picked this scene for a similar reason. Worked on creating more tension with limited action.
EXT. STRIP MALL – NIGHT
Seb’s Toyota rolls to a stop into semi-empty parking lot, next to Mbona’s police van.
Laura and Seb exit the car.
Mbona get’s out of the van and crosses to Laura.
LAURA
This is my hairdresser friend, Seb.
Seb extends his white gloved hand. Mbona ignores it. Seb forces a smile and pulls his hand back.
SEB
Okay doll, call me when you done.
LAURA
Don’t forget the conditioner.
As Seb saunters away, his face flushes with anger.
Mbona checks his watch – it’s 9:15.
LAURA
Such a sweetie. He’s been so helpful.
MBONA
Ya no, so, you wanna talk?
LAURA
I think we should.
Mbona looks her over, curious.
INT. MALL COFFEE SHOP – NIGHT
Laura and Mbona sit across from each other.
MBONA
Tell me now. What’s this about?
LAURA
You know, it’s always about the Benjamins.
MBONA
The what?
LAURA
The money. The money.
MBONA
Ya, that’s right.
Laura glances away-
LAURA
I happened to be with Benji when he called you.
MBONA
Ya?
– then she turns back to Mbona.
LAURA
About Mr. Williams.
INT. AIRPORT GATE – NIGHT
Benji hustles through the terminal. He approaches GATE 7, hands the FLIGHT ATTENDANT his boarding pass and enters the jetway.
LAURA (O.S.)
And I know he paid money into some account that he confirmed with you.
MBONA (O.S.)
What are you saying, here?
LAURA (O.S.)
Well, I’m not sure if you’re aware, but Benji had to go back to Jo-burg. It was an emergency. His son’s very ill, in intensive care.
EXT. STRIP MALL PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Seb walks back to Mbona’s van. He scans the lot, then drops down and sticks a GPS TRACKER under the van. He presses a button and a light turns green.
As Seb walks away, he syncs his phone to the tracker.
MBONA (O.S.)
Really?
LAURA (O.S.)
Benji’s spoken so highly of you and he’s a little freaked out about his son, as you can imagine. Anyway, before he left, he told me that he’s not so sure about — you know — this thing with Williams.
INT. MALL COFFEE SHOP – NIGHT
Hands folded in a nervous vice grip, Mbona’s glare fires lasers right through Laura.
MBONA
Ya, I don’t know. What thing? What thing with Williams?
Laura leans across the table and whispers.
LAURA
You know. The hit.
She leans back in her seat.
LAURA
So, I was thinking, maybe you’d put it off for now, until he gets back.
Mbona unfolds his hands, his cold, suddenly menacing glare on Laura. He stands-
MBONA
Like you said, the money’s already been paid.
– and walks away. Laura watches him leave.
LAURA (V.O.)
Mbona, Williams, Benji, they didn’t give a fuck about anybody but themselves. And I traveled half-way around the world to learn that this place wasn’t all that different from Brooklyn. For these guys, corruption and survival were one in the same.
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Hi everyone. I’m AJ Ferrara. This is the first class I’ve taken in a while. I’ve written over 20 scripts and have been fortunate to have worked on paid assignments. I’ve developed scripts with directors Mick Garris and Eric Brevig and I’m looking forward to taking my character development to another level.
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AJ Ferrara – I agree to the terms of this agreement
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UPDATE: Due to limited time for writing, I will need to do the class privately. Good luck to everyone!
Janet Place
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I, Janet Place, agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.