Alan Wood
Forum Replies Created
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Alan’s Intriguing Moments
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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What I learned: It pays to take the time to search for intrigue in your outline.
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Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, nineteen-year-old fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
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Act I
Mystery: Why is Tiberius late for work? What’s wrong with his father?
Homeless man startles him at the dumpster: Mystery: Who is this guy? Is Tiberius in danger?
Shadow shows up at restaurant, big scary guy: Intrigue: Who is this guy? Is he dangerous?
Weird metal bracelet fuses itself to Tiberius’ wrist! Intrigue: What the heck is that thing? Hidden Identity: Tiberius doesn’t know that his body is being rewired to become a super soldier.
Black SUVs show up and take Tiberius away! Covert agenda/Intrigue/Secret.
Act II
Tiberius at training facility: Intrigue and Covert agenda.
Death of the team: Cover up/Mystery/Intrigue
Act III
How will Tiberius avenge his team? Intrigue/Mystery
Addison reveal: Scheme/Conspiracy/Hidden Identity/Cover Up
Act IV
Crypto’s dream and Tiberius’ decision: Hidden agenda/Secret/Intrigue
Resolution: Reveal of secret agenda
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Alan’s Emotional Moments
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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What I learned: Another great way to make my outline and screenplay resonate with emotions.
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Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, nineteen-year-old fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
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Act I
Distress: Tiberius is late for work but needs to take care of his sick father before he leaves the house. Has a nightmare bike ride to work.
Sacrifice/Wound: Promises his father that he will find a way to get money for his meds.
Distress: Tiberius is bullied at work, harassed by his boss. Forced to scrape the freezer floor.
Bonding/Kindness: Tiberius gets food for a homeless man behind the restaurant.
Excitement/Surprise: After attaching the bracelet he is able to do amazing things on his bike ride home.
Distress: Kidnapped and drugged by mysterious men.
Act II
Distress/Humiliation: Fish out of water at the training facility. Failure on almost every level.
Love/Terror/Hidden Weakness: Approached by a trainee for a romantic interlude…his first ever.
Surprise/Bonding/Success: The keeps trying which bonds him to the team and he finally shows a measure of skill after conquering a difficult training exercise and even helping one of the other trainees.
Distress/Tragedy: The entire team is killed. He is the only one to survive.
Act III
Distress/Sadness: Dealing with the loss of the team.
Courage: Decides to avenge the team and make those responsible pay.
Bonding: Enlists the help of his friend to take on the bad guys.
Courage: Attacks the bad guys.
Distress: Is captured and set for execution.
Act IV
Excitement: Major fight after his escaper.
Success: Defeats the bad guys. Opens his restaurant.
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Alan’s Reveals
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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What I learned: Caught a couple pay offs without a proper set up! The outline has improved! Yet another important pass.
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Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, nineteen-year-old fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
===================================================================
WORKING OUTLINE
Main Conflict: Tiberius has a high tech bracelet fused to his wrist that makes him a super soldier, the bad guys who stole it want it back and will kill him and anyone else who gets in their way to get it.
Key:
PJ = Protagonist Journey
AJ = Antagonist Journey
Before Story Starts:
AJ 1: Crypto is a brilliant engineer who designs weapons systems for various governments.
AJ 2: He is approached by EWD Consolidated Technologies (the secretly evil organization recruiting great minds in their bid to eventually take over the world) and quickly rises through the ranks to become senior management and in charge of the tech acquisitions branch.
AJ 3: He finds out what his real job is (to acquire the technology necessary to raise an army of super soldiers/AI bots to eventually take over the country and then the world) and realizes he is trapped and must project strength and ruthlessness or face death.
Genre: Action/Comedy
Act 1 – Tiberius Finds Something Shiny in the Trash – [The Orphan]
Opening:
PJ 1: Tiberius Truman (19) is late for work.
Set Up 1: Quickly drops off his sick father’s (Harry Truman) lunch and meds with a promise to bring him dinner and find a way to get his needed med refills that they can’t afford.
He rushes out the door to his bike. Takes off.
ACTION SET PIECE:
Set Up 2: We see him riding his bike to work…poorly. He can’t do jumps, falls off the bike, is chased by dogs and is hit by a bus.
Once at work: he’s bullied by his boss, displays a lack of confidence at every turn, and shows that he’s a weak “yes, man” to all those around him. He’s depressed, but has a good heart.
He takes out the trash to the dumpster and is kind to a homeless man that lives behind the restaurant. Gives him some food. Homeless guy asks him why he doesn’t stand up for himself. ‘It’s just easier to go along. I don’t want any trouble.’
We meet his best friend Hannibal Byrd. He wants to be YouTube/PodCast famous and needs Tiberius to be his camera and sound guy. Tiberius goes along but his heart isn’t in it.
AJ 4: An evil henchman visits the restaurant. This is Shadow. He orders and sits in a booth to eat. Sets a case on his tray. Plays with his phone, chuckling at Tic Tocs as he eats.
Tiberius is bullied by a member of the group saying maybe they should cut him out of the You Tube group. He never comes up with any ideas, is always a downer etc. Hannibal defends him.
Set Up 3: Tiberius is bullied into mentioning to his best friend that his life goal is to either open his own fast food restaurant or to be a ninja. This gets him a load of shit from the others. Hannibal reminds him that he will never be a ninja and that it would be cultural appropriation anyway. They check that with another employee, Gary Huang but Gary doesn’t give a shit and isn’t bothered by him wanting to be a ninja. Tiberius takes this as justification for his dream and then Hannibal reminds him that Gary is Chinese not Japanese so why would it bother him.
Shadow finishes his meal. Sips his huge drink. Laughs at Tic Tocs. Tiberius offers to take his tray with the trash on it. Henchman nods and waves him off. He forgets that the case containing the bracelet is on the tray. Tiberius tosses the trash as his boss yells at him to do the freezer floor. Shadow leaves the restaurant, still locked in on his phone.
AJ 5: With his job/life on the line, Crypto’s henchman Shadow loses the high tech super soldier bracelet he promised to the EWD Consolidated Technologies executive board.
Deeper Layer: the evil henchman Shadow is the man Tiberius will ultimately kill in the final confrontation. Shadow will be wearing a bracelet as a High Tower Surprise for Tiberius and he will have to overcome that.
Inciting Incident:
It’s later, Tiberius on his hands and knees in the freezer, scraping ice off the floor, freezing, but he says nothing about it. Boss pokes his head in, orders him to take out the trash and go home. No overtime!
Tiberius gathers the trash in the kitchen and subtly pockets several burgers and a couple apple pies, then heads out with the trash saying goodnight.
PJ 2: As he tosses the trash bag into the dumpster, the bag tears and all of its contents spill out to the ground. Old homeless guy offers to help clean up. Tiberius spies amongst the refuse a small case. He finds an awesome looking metallic bracelet inside. He and the homeless guy discuss how much he could get for it? Should he take it into the lost and found? This could pay for his dad’s meds if he gets enough for it. They decide they should try to sell it. Tiberius offers it to the homeless guy but he refuses it.
Set Up 5: Tiberius slips the bracelet on and it painfully fuses to his wrist. This freaks both of them out.
Deeper Layer: The bracelet is a piece of future high tech that turns him into a super soldier.
Deeper Layer Hint: ACTION SET PIECE:
Pay Off 2: On the bike ride home mysterious abilities show up. He can make the jump he missed on the way to work. He avoids the bus with some true BMX style riding. He does a bunny hop over a car that almost hits him. And he flat out outruns a dog chasing him.
When he gets home he’s both shocked and completely gassed. Although he has new skills, he’s still woefully out of shape. He pukes on his front lawn.
He goes in to give his dad the dinner of stolen burgers and apple pies and says he may have a way to get some money for his meds. Not to worry. Dad says mom would have been proud of him, maybe?
AJ ?:
Set Up 4: We see Crypto giving Shadow hell for losing the bracelet, maybe he’s at home in his study chewing out a hologram of Shadow. Busts up his office, tries to hit the hologram with a fireplace poker etc. Then has to assure his wife Clarissa that all is okay. Deeper Layer : We see Crypto has a loving wife that he cares deeply for and that his job is killing him. He takes pills and glances at a photo of a tropical island with a hammock stretched between two palm trees.
Turning Point:
Set Up 7: (this is where we need Hannibal to demonstrate something powerful he can do that makes Tiberius want to use him to help in the climax.) Tiberius meets up with Hannibal to do a YouTube video. Again, Tiberius goes along with his friends wild plans of stardom (we need to prove to the group that you’re into this! You want to be rich and famous, don’t you? Hannibal has the camera on Tiberius) so he doesn’t hurt his feelings or discourage him. “Do you have to go to college to open a business?”
PJ 6: ACTION SET PIECE:
Pay Off 5: From out of nowhere black SUVs pull up, men in black jump out, throw a hood over Tiberius’ head, zip tie his hands, inject him with something that knocks him out after he busts the first set of ties, (it’s a vicious struggle) but eventually they subdue Tiberius and toss him into the truck, snatch Hannibal’s phone (he was filming everything) etc away. The trucks pull away leaving Hannibal stunned.
Deeper Layer Hint: Untrained Tiberius was tough to subdue!
They pull off his hood. Tiberius finds himself in a cement room with one iron, vault-like door and no windows. Cameras in all four corners protected behind small iron cages. He is iron shackled to a thick steel chair that is bolted to the floor at the arms, wrists, neck, waist, thighs, calves, and ankles. He has an IV in his arm. Seems a bit woozy but fully conscious.
Addison Grant watches a video of the abduction and shakes her head. “Why didn’t you trank him from a distance?” “He’s just a doughy kid. We didn’t think…” “No, you didn’t, did you? The SUV body work is coming out of your paycheck.” Addison is in charge. Boss Bitch. She goes in and talks to Tiberius. She explains what he has on his wrist and makes him an offer he can’t refuse, join their experimental team of human test subjects, or they can amputate his arm and take the bracelet.
Set Up 6: Tiberius asks about who will take care of his father. “Jesus will he even notice you’re gone?” “Yes. He needs his meds, too.” Addison rolls her eyes. “Establish a cover for him. Get a detail to cover the father.”
Deeper Layer Reveal: Addison Grant shows up and makes the offer to Tiberius to join the test subject group or lose his arm.
Deeper Layer: Addison Grant wants out of her terrible life and will do anything to achieve this dream. She will provide the future tech bracelet to the bad guys in order for a huge payment and a new identity.
Deeper Layer Hint: Addison is incredibly unhappy that Tiberius has the bracelet. Not excited at all that he managed to retrieve the missing item.
Act II – Tiberius: The Fish Out of Water – [The Wanderer]
New Plan:
PJ 7: Tiberius decides to become a human test subject and keep his arm. The plan is to find out what is really going on with this bracelet, and survive the experiments.
Plan in Action:
PJ 8: Set Up: Tiberius is a true fish out of water amongst the perfect human specimens who have volunteered to become super soldiers. He meets the other trainees… Set Up: Patton, MacArthur, Eisenhower, and Washington. Pay Off: He is given the name Custer.
He is unable to keep up…the old ways on display again. All kinds of super soldier training set pieces here. But he gets better.
Set Up: Washington sets her romantic eye on Tiberius during training.
Set Up: Tiberius fails a horrifyingly scary training exercise…his fears get the best of him. (Payed off later when he must overcome the same type of situation in the climax.)
Pay Off 6: Father detail arrival scene. Maybe a men in black detail? That could be funny. “Who’s going to clean the house? Am I supposed to live in a pig stye you heartless assholes? Shots of MIB washing dishes, vacuuming, scrubbing toilets.
Pay Off: Tiberius succeeds at a task much to the horror of Addison and the cheers of his cohorts. He’s got skills!
Pay Off: and Set Up: Tiberius hooks up with Super Soldier test subject Washington.
Shadow sneaks into the training facility.
Deeper Layer Hint: Set Up: Shadow knows the code to enter the facility. Addison sends the group into the location that gets them all killed.
Deeper Layer: Pay Off: Tiberius only misses out on getting killed because he was zonked out after sex with Washington.
AJ 6: (Not Scene) After finding the bracelet he agrees to bring “Good Guy Leader” into the group, to disappear him to Japan so he can retire comfortably if she will wipe out the group of test subjects and bring him the prototype bracelets.
Midpoint Turning Point:
PJ 9: Set Up: The entire team is wiped out by Crypto’s henchmen in a massive explosion. Tiberius is able to escape thanks to some new skills but just barely.
Deeper Layer: Addison, after making a new deal with Crypto facilitates Shadow’s infiltration and sabotage of the test subjects.
Act III – Tiberius Grows a Pair – [The Warrior]
Rethink Everything:
PJ 10: After the shock of losing the team he had begun to bond with, Tiberius realizes the old ways won’t work anymore. The leader of the ‘good guys’ meets up with him. Pay Off: Tiberius vows to avenge his class of fallen super soldiers and wipe out Crypto and his organization..
Deeper Layer: Tiberius doesn’t know Addison is working for the bad guys…neither does the audience.
Deeper Layer Hint: Addison discourages Tiberius from going on his mission of revenge.
New Plan:
PJ 11: Pay Off for Hannibal from Act I: Tiberius goes to his best friend Hannibal for help. He should use his closest friend in some way to help him. This needs to be set up in Act I.
Together they come up with a plan to infiltrate and destroy Crypto’s evil headquarters.
Build in stealth type set pieces here. Pay Off: Also, make him have to perform some task that was a major challenge/failure for him during the training process.
Turning Point:
PJ 12 – AJ 7: Huge failure / Major shift: Tiberius is captured and set for execution. Along with his best friend, maybe? Crypto will have his super soldier bracelet and be able to create his army.
Deeper Layer Reveal: And… the ‘good guy’ leader Addison stands at Crypto’s side (Pay Off) and was behind the death of the entire team! Tiberius just survived by dumb luck. It turns out that ‘good guy’ Addison was the supplier of the tech (Pay Off) to the henchman Shadow who then lost the bracelet at the fast food restaurant!
Act IV – Tiberius Burns Down the House – [The Martyr]
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:
PJ 13: Tiberius embraces the new way. He finds a way to defeat Crypto’s henchman Shadow and save his buddy. He kills ‘good guy’, recovers the prototypes Pay Off: (one by hacking off Shadow’s hand) (Shadow will be wearing a bracelet as a High Tower Surprise for Tiberius and he will have to overcome that.)
and…
PJ 14 – AJ 8: Crypto asks Tiberius to give something sentimental to his wife as he awaits death. He doesn’t want to be saved, just to make sure his wife will be taken care of. Tiberius spares him and together they fake his death so he can get out of his miserable life.
AJ 9: …sends Crypto to an apparent fiery death in front of the Executive Board and then destroys the evil lair in the process.
Resolution:
PJ 15: Tiberius, new ways on display, turns down a chance to be a permanent super soldier, opens his own fast food restaurant and calls it: Ninja Burgers Pay Off: (even though his best friend keeps reminding him that he never was or can be a ninja.)
AJ 10: Crypto and his wife open a bar on a tropical island (Pay Off:). Receives a postcard (or modern equivalent) from Tiberius warning he’ll be keeping an eye on him.
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Alan’s Character Action Tracks
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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What I learned: This was a great process to insure that I’m keeping each of my main characters unique and in character. It has helped me find their voices as well. I also did the process with my key supporting characters. I figured it couldn’t hurt.
===================================================================
Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, nineteen-year-old fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
===================================================================
WORKING OUTLINE
Main Conflict: Tiberius has a high tech bracelet fused to his wrist that makes him a super soldier, the bad guys who stole it want it back and will kill him and anyone else who gets in their way to get it.
Key:
PJ = Protagonist Journey
AJ = Antagonist Journey
Before Story Starts:
AJ 1: Crypto is a brilliant engineer who designs weapons systems for various governments.
AJ 2: He is approached by EWD Consolidated Technologies (the secretly evil organization recruiting great minds in their bid to eventually take over the world) and quickly rises through the ranks to become senior management and in charge of the tech acquisitions branch.
AJ 3: He finds out what his real job is (to acquire the technology necessary to raise an army of super soldiers/AI bots to eventually take over the country and then the world) and realizes he is trapped and must project strength and ruthlessness or face death.
Genre: Action/Comedy
Act 1 – Tiberius Finds Something Shiny in the Trash – [The Orphan]
Opening:
PJ 1: Tiberius Truman (19) is late for work. Quickly drops off his sick father’s (Harry Truman) lunch and meds with a promise to bring him dinner and find a way to get his needed med refills that they can’t afford.
He rushes out the door to his bike. Takes off.
ACTION SET PIECE: We see him riding his bike to work…poorly. He can’t do jumps, falls off the bike, is chased by dogs and is hit by a bus.
Once at work: he’s bullied by his boss, displays a lack of confidence at every turn, and shows that he’s a weak “yes, man” to all those around him. He’s depressed, but has a good heart.
He takes out the trash to the dumpster and is kind to a homeless man that lives behind the restaurant. Gives him some food. Homeless guy asks him why he doesn’t stand up for himself. ‘It’s just easier to go along. I don’t want any trouble.’
We meet his best friend Hannibal Byrd. He wants to be YouTube/PodCast famous and needs Tiberius to be his camera and sound guy. Tiberius goes along but his heart isn’t in it.
AJ 4: An evil henchman visits the restaurant. This is Shadow. He orders and sits in a booth to eat. Sets a case on his tray. Plays with his phone, chuckling at Tic Tocs as he eats.
Tiberius is bullied by a member of the group saying maybe they should cut him out of the You Tube group. He never comes up with any ideas, is always a downer etc. Hannibal defends him. Tiberius is bullied into mentioning to his best friend that his life goal is to either open his own fast food restaurant or to be a ninja. This gets him a load of shit from the others. Hannibal reminds him that he will never be a ninja and that it would be cultural appropriation anyway. They check that with another employee, Gary Huang but Gary doesn’t give a shit and isn’t bothered by him wanting to be a ninja. Tiberius takes this as justification for his dream and then Hannibal reminds him that Gary is Chinese not Japanese so why would it bother him.
Shadow finishes his meal. Sips his huge drink. Laughs at Tic Tocs. Tiberius offers to take his tray with the trash on it. Henchman nods and waves him off. He forgets that the case containing the bracelet is on the tray. Tiberius tosses the trash as his boss yells at him to do the freezer floor. Shadow leaves the restaurant, still locked in on his phone.
AJ 5: With his job/life on the line, Crypto’s henchman Shadow loses the high tech super soldier bracelet he promised to the EWD Consolidated Technologies executive board.
Deeper Layer: the evil henchman Shadow is the man Tiberius will ultimately kill in the final confrontation. Shadow will be wearing a bracelet as a High Tower Surprise for Tiberius and he will have to overcome that.
Inciting Incident:
It’s later, Tiberius on his hands and knees in the freezer, scraping ice off the floor, freezing, but he says nothing about it. Boss pokes his head in, orders him to take out the trash and go home. No overtime!
Tiberius gathers the trash in the kitchen and subtly pockets several burgers and a couple apple pies, then heads out with the trash saying goodnight.
PJ 2: As he tosses the trash bag into the dumpster, the bag tears and all of its contents spill out to the ground. Old homeless guy offers to help clean up. Tiberius spies amongst the refuse a small case. He finds an awesome looking metallic bracelet inside. He and the homeless guy discuss how much he could get for it? Should he take it into the lost and found? This could pay for his dad’s meds if he gets enough for it. They decide they should try to sell it. Tiberius offers it to the homeless guy but he refuses it. Tiberius slips the bracelet on and it painfully fuses to his wrist. This freaks both of them out.
Deeper Layer: The bracelet is a piece of future high tech that turns him into a super soldier.
Deeper Layer Hint: ACTION SET PIECE: On the bike ride home mysterious abilities show up. He can make the jump he missed on the way to work. He avoids the bus with some true BMX style riding. He does a bunny hop over a car that almost hits him. And he flat out outruns a dog chasing him.
When he gets home he’s both shocked and completely gassed. Although he has new skills, he’s still woefully out of shape. He pukes on his front lawn.
He goes in to give his dad the dinner of stolen burgers and apple pies and says he may have a way to get some money for his meds. Not to worry. Dad says mom would have been proud of him, maybe?
AJ ?: We see Crypto giving Shadow hell for losing the bracelet, maybe he’s at home in his study chewing out a hologram of Shadow. Busts up his office, tries to hit the hologram with a fireplace poker etc. Then has to assure his wife Clarissa that all is okay. Deeper Layer : We see Crypto has a loving wife that he cares deeply for and that his job is killing him. He takes pills and glances at a photo of a tropical island with a hammock stretched between two palm trees.
Turning Point:
Tiberius meets up with Hannibal to do a YouTube video. Again, Tiberius goes along with his friends wild plans of stardom (we need to prove to the group that you’re into this! You want to be rich and famous, don’t you? Hannibal has the camera on Tiberius) so he doesn’t hurt his feelings or discourage him. “Do you have to go to college to open a business?”
PJ 6: ACTION SET PIECE: From out of nowhere black SUVs pull up, men in black jump out, throw a hood over Tiberius’ head, zip tie his hands, inject him with something that knocks him out after he busts the first set of ties, (it’s a vicious struggle) but eventually they subdue Tiberius and toss him into the truck, snatch Hannibal’s phone (he was filming everything) etc away. The trucks pull away leaving Hannibal stunned.
Deeper Layer Hint: Untrained Tiberius was tough to subdue!
They pull off his hood. Tiberius finds himself in a cement room with one iron, vault-like door and no windows. Cameras in all four corners protected behind small iron cages. He is iron shackled to a thick steel chair that is bolted to the floor at the arms, wrists, neck, waist, thighs, calves, and ankles. He has an IV in his arm. Seems a bit woozy but fully conscious.
Addison Grant watches a video of the abduction and shakes her head. “Why didn’t you trank him from a distance?” “He’s just a doughy kid. We didn’t think…” “No, you didn’t, did you? The SUV body work is coming out of your paycheck.” Addison is in charge. Boss Bitch. She goes in and talks to Tiberius. She explains what he has on his wrist and makes him an offer he can’t refuse, join their experimental team of human test subjects, or they can amputate his arm and take the bracelet.
Tiberius asks about who will take care of his father. “Jesus will he even notice you’re gone?” “Yes. He needs his meds, too.” Addison rolls her eyes. “Establish a cover for him. Get a detail to cover the father.”
Deeper Layer Reveal: Addison Grant shows up and makes the offer to Tiberius to join the test subject group or lose his arm.
Deeper Layer: Addison Grant wants out of her terrible life and will do anything to achieve this dream. She will provide the future tech bracelet to the bad guys in order for a huge payment and a new identity.
Deeper Layer Hint: Addison is incredibly unhappy that Tiberius has the bracelet. Not excited at all that he managed to retrieve the missing item.
Act II – Tiberius: The Fish Out of Water – [The Wanderer]
New Plan:
PJ 7: Tiberius decides to become a human test subject and keep his arm. The plan is to find out what is really going on with this bracelet, and survive the experiments.
He is given the code name Custer.
Plan in Action:
PJ 8: Tiberius is a true fish out of water amongst the perfect human specimens who have volunteered to become super soldiers. He is unable to keep up…the old ways on display again. All kinds of super soldier training set pieces here.
Father detail arrival scene. Maybe a men in black detail? That could be funny. “Who’s going to clean the house? Am I supposed to live in a pig stye you heartless assholes? Shots of MIB washing dishes, vacuuming, scrubbing toilets.
Tiberius hooks up with Super Soldier test subject Washington.
Shadow sneaks into the training facility.
Deeper Layer Hint: Shadow knows the code to enter the facility. Addison sends the group into the location that gets them all killed.
Deeper Layer: Tiberius only misses out on getting killed because he was zonked out after sex with Washington.
AJ 6: (Not Scene) After finding the bracelet he agrees to bring “Good Guy Leader” into the group, to disappear him to Japan so he can retire comfortably if she will wipe out the group of test subjects and bring him the prototype bracelets.
Midpoint Turning Point:
PJ 9: The entire team is wiped out by Crypto’s henchmen in a massive explosion. Tiberius is able to escape thanks to some new skills but just barely.
Deeper Layer: Addison, after making a new deal with Crypto facilitates Shadow’s infiltration and sabotage of the test subjects.
Act III – Tiberius Grows a Pair – [The Warrior]
Rethink Everything:
PJ 10: After the shock of losing the team he had begun to bond with, Tiberius realizes the old ways won’t work anymore. The leader of the ‘good guys’ meets up with him. Tiberius vows to avenge his class of fallen super soldiers and wipe out Crypto and his organization..
Deeper Layer: Tiberius doesn’t know Addison is working for the bad guys…neither does the audience.
Deeper Layer Hint: Addison discourages Tiberius from going on his mission of revenge.
New Plan:
PJ 11: Tiberius goes to his best friend Hannibal for help. He should use his closest friend in some way to help him. This needs to be set up in Act I.
Together they come up with a plan to infiltrate and destroy Crypto’s evil headquarters.
Build in stealth type set pieces here. Also, make him have to perform some task that was a major challenge/failure for him during the training process.
Turning Point:
PJ 12 – AJ 7: Huge failure / Major shift: Tiberius is captured and set for execution. Along with his best friend, maybe? Crypto will have his super soldier bracelet and be able to create his army.
Deeper Layer Reveal: And… the ‘good guy’ leader Addison stands at Crypto’s side and was behind the death of the entire team! Tiberius just survived by dumb luck. It turns out that ‘good guy’ Addison was the supplier of the tech to the henchman Shadow who then lost the bracelet at the fast food restaurant!
Act IV – Tiberius Burns Down the House – [The Martyr]
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:
PJ 13: Tiberius embraces the new way. He finds a way to defeat Crypto’s henchman Shadow and save his buddy. He kills ‘good guy’, recovers the prototypes (one by hacking off Shadow’s hand) (Shadow will be wearing a bracelet as a High Tower Surprise for Tiberius and he will have to overcome that.)
and…
PJ 14 – AJ 8: Crypto asks Tiberius to give something sentimental to his wife as he awaits death. He doesn’t want to be saved, just to make sure his wife will be taken care of. Tiberius spares him and together they fake his death so he can get out of his miserable life.
AJ 9: …sends Crypto to an apparent fiery death in front of the Executive Board and then destroys the evil lair in the process.
Resolution:
PJ 15: Tiberius, new ways on display, turns down a chance to be a permanent super soldier, opens his own fast food restaurant and calls it: Ninja Burgers (even though his best friend keeps reminding him that he never was or can be a ninja.)
AJ 10: Crypto and his wife open a bar on a tropical island. Receives a postcard (or modern equivalent) from Tiberius warning he’ll be keeping an eye on him.
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Alan’s New Outline Beats
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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What I learned: This outlining process keeps getting better and better. I’m feeling confident that this will be the best screenplay I’ve written.
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Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, nineteen-year-old fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
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WORKING OUTLINE
Main Conflict: Tiberius has a high tech bracelet fused to his wrist that makes him a super soldier, the bad guys who stole it want it back and will kill him and anyone else who gets in their way to get it.
Key:
PJ = Protagonist Journey
AJ = Antagonist Journey
Before Story Starts:
AJ 1: Crypto is a brilliant engineer who designs weapons systems for various governments.
AJ 2: He is approached by EWD Consolidated Technologies (the secretly evil organization recruiting great minds in their bid to eventually take over the world) and quickly rises through the ranks to become senior management and in charge of the tech acquisitions branch.
AJ 3: He finds out what his real job is (to acquire the technology necessary to raise an army of super soldiers/AI bots to eventually take over the country and then the world) and realizes he is trapped and must project strength and ruthlessness or face death.
Genre: Action/Comedy
Act 1 – Tiberius Finds Something Shiny in the Trash – [The Orphan]
Opening:
PJ 1: Tiberius Truman (19) is late for work. Quickly drops off his sick father’s (Harry Truman) lunch and meds with a promise to bring him dinner and find a way to get his needed med refills that they can’t afford.
He rushes out the door to his bike. Takes off.
ACTION SET PIECE: We see him riding his bike to work…poorly. He can’t do jumps, falls off the bike, is chased by dogs and is hit by a bus.
Once at work: he’s bullied by his boss, displays a lack of confidence at every turn, and shows that he’s a weak “yes, man” to all those around him. He’s depressed, but has a good heart.
He takes out the trash to the dumpster and is kind to a homeless man that lives behind the restaurant. Gives him some food.
We meet his best friend Hannibal Byrd. He wants to be YouTube/Pod Cast famous and needs Tiberius to be his camera and sound guy. Tiberius goes along but his heart isn’t in it.
AJ 4: An evil henchman visits the restaurant. This is Shadow. He orders and sits in a booth to eat. Sets a case on his tray. Plays with his phone, chuckling at Tic Tocs as he eats.
Tiberius mentions to his best friend that his life goal is to either open his own fast food restaurant or to be a ninja. Hannibal reminds him that he will never be a ninja and that it would be cultural appropriation anyway. They check that with another employee, Gary Huang but Gary doesn’t give a shit and isn’t bothered by him wanting to be a ninja. Tiberius takes this as justification for his dream and then Hannibal reminds him that Gary is Chinese not Japanese so why would it bother him.
Shadow finishes his meal. Sips his huge drink. Laughs at Tic Tocs. Tiberius offers to take his tray with the trash on it. Henchman nods and waves him off. He forgets that the case containing the bracelet is on the tray. Tiberius tosses the trash as his boss yells at him to do the freezer floor. Shadow leaves the restaurant, still locked in on his phone.
AJ 5: With his job/life on the line, Crypto’s henchman Shadow loses the high tech super soldier bracelet he promised to the EWD Consolidated Technologies executive board.
Deeper Layer: the evil henchman Shadow is the man Tiberius will ultimately kill in the final confrontation. Shadow will be wearing a bracelet as a High Tower Surprise for Tiberius and he will have to overcome that.
Inciting Incident:
It’s later, Tiberius on his hands and knees in the freezer, scraping ice off the floor, freezing. Boss pokes his head in, orders him to take out the trash and go home. No overtime!
Tiberius gathers the trash in the kitchen and subtly pockets several burgers and a couple apple pies, then heads out with the trash saying goodnight.
PJ 2: As he tosses the trash bag into the dumpster, the bag tears and all of its contents spill out to the ground. Old homeless guy offers to help clean up. Tiberius spies amongst the refuse a small case. He finds an awesome looking metallic bracelet inside. He and the homeless guy discuss how much he could get for it? Should he take it into the lost and found? This could pay for his dad’s meds if he gets enough for it. They decide they should try to sell it. Tiberius offers it to the homeless guy but he refuses it. Tiberius slips the bracelet on and it painfully fuses to his wrist. This freaks both of them out.
Deeper Layer: The bracelet is a piece of future high tech that turns him into a super soldier.
Deeper Layer Hint: ACTION SET PIECE: On the bike ride home mysterious abilities show up. He can make the jump he missed on the way to work. He avoids the bus with some true BMX style riding. He does a bunny hop over a car that almost hits him. And he flat out outruns a dog chasing him.
When he gets home he’s both shocked and completely gassed. Although he has new skills, he’s still woefully out of shape. He pukes on his front lawn.
He goes in to give his dad the dinner of stolen burgers and apple pies and says he may have a way to get some money for his meds. Not to worry. Dad says mom would have been proud of him, maybe?
AJ ?: We see Crypto giving Shadow hell for losing the bracelet, maybe he’s at home in his study chewing out a hologram of Shadow. Busts up his office, tries to hit the hologram with a fireplace poker etc. Then has to assure his wife Clarissa that all is okay. Deeper Layer : We see Crypto has a loving wife that he cares deeply for and that his job is killing him. He takes pills and glances at a photo of a tropical island with a hammock stretched between two palm trees.
Turning Point:
Tiberius meets up with Hannibal to do a YouTube video. Again, Tiberius goes along with his friends wild plans of stardom so he doesn’t hurt his feelings or discourage him. “Do you have to go to college to open a business?”
PJ 6: ACTION SET PIECE: From out of nowhere black SUVs pull up, men in black jump out, throw a hood over Tiberius’ head, zip tie his hands, inject him with something that knocks him out after he busts the first set of ties, (it’s a vicious struggle) but eventually they subdue Tiberius and toss him into the truck, snatch Hannibal’s phone (he was filming everything) etc away. The trucks pull away leaving Hannibal stunned.
Deeper Layer Hint: Untrained Tiberius was tough to subdue!
They pull off his hood. Tiberius finds himself in a cement room with one iron, vault-like door and no windows. Cameras in all four corners protected behind small iron cages. He is iron shackled to a thick steel chair that is bolted to the floor at the arms, wrists, neck, waist, thighs, calves, and ankles. He has an IV in his arm. Seems a bit woozy but fully conscious.
Addison Grant watches a video of the abduction and shakes her head. “Why didn’t you trank him from a distance?” “He’s just a doughy kid. We didn’t think…” “No, you didn’t, did you? The SUV body work is coming out of your paycheck.” Addison is in charge. Boss Bitch. She goes in and talks to Tiberius. She explains what he has on his wrist and makes him an offer he can’t refuse, join their experimental team of human test subjects, or they can amputate his arm and take the bracelet.
Deeper Layer Reveal: Addison Grant shows up and makes the offer to Tiberius to join the test subject group or lose his arm.
Deeper Layer: Addison Grant wants out of her terrible life and will do anything to achieve this dream. She will provide the future tech bracelet to the bad guys in order for a huge payment and a new identity.
Deeper Layer Hint: Addison is incredibly unhappy that Tiberius has the bracelet. Not excited at all that he managed to retrieve the missing item.
Act II – Tiberius: The Fish Out of Water – [The Wanderer]
New Plan:
PJ 7: Tiberius decides to become a human test subject and keep his arm. The plan is to find out what is really going on with this bracelet, and survive the experiments. Tiberius demands someone take care of his father.
NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHO IS TAKING CARE OF DAD. Maybe a men in black detail? That could be funny. “Who’s going to clean the house? Am I supposed to live in a pig stye you heartless assholes? Shots of MIB washing dishes, vacuuming, scrubbing toilets.
He is given the code name Custer.
Plan in Action:
PJ 8: Tiberius is a true fish out of water amongst the perfect human specimens who have volunteered to become super soldiers. He is unable to keep up…the old ways on display again. All kinds of super soldier training set pieces here.
Tiberius hooks up with Super Soldier test subject Washington. Yes, they have super sex.
Shadow sneaks into the training facility.
Deeper Layer Hint: Shadow knows the code to enter the facility. Addison sends the group into the location that gets them all killed.
Deeper Layer: Tiberius only misses out on getting killed because he was zonked out after sex with Washington.
AJ 6: (Not Scene) After finding the bracelet he agrees to bring “Good Guy Leader” into the group, to disappear him to Japan so he can retire comfortably if she will wipe out the group of test subjects and bring him the prototype bracelets.
Midpoint Turning Point:
PJ 9: The entire team is wiped out by Crypto’s henchmen in a massive explosion. Tiberius is able to escape thanks to some new skills but just barely.
Deeper Layer: Addison, after making a new deal with Crypto facilitates Shadow’s infiltration and sabotage of the test subjects.
Act III – Tiberius Grows a Pair – [The Warrior]
Rethink Everything:
PJ 10: After the shock of losing the team he had begun to bond with, Tiberius realizes the old ways won’t work anymore. The leader of the ‘good guys’ meets up with him. Tiberius vows to avenge his class of fallen super soldiers and wipe out Crypto and his organization..
Deeper Layer: Tiberius doesn’t know Addison is working for the bad guys…neither does the audience.
Deeper Layer Hint: Addison discourages Tiberius from going on his mission of revenge.
New Plan:
PJ 11: Tiberius goes to his best friend Hannibal for help. He should use his closest friend in some way to help him. This needs to be set up in Act I.
Together they come up with a plan to infiltrate and destroy Crypto’s evil headquarters.
Build in stealth type set pieces here. Also, make him have to perform some task that was a major challenge/failure for him during the training process.
Turning Point:
PJ 12 – AJ 7: Huge failure / Major shift: Tiberius is captured and set for execution. Along with his best friend, maybe? Crypto will have his super soldier bracelet and be able to create his army.
Deeper Layer Reveal: And… the ‘good guy’ leader Addison stands at Crypto’s side and was behind the death of the entire team! Tiberius just survived by dumb luck. It turns out that ‘good guy’ Addison was the supplier of the tech to the henchman Shadow who then lost the bracelet at the fast food restaurant!
Act IV – Tiberius Burns Down the House – [The Martyr]
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:
PJ 13: Tiberius embraces the new way. He finds a way to defeat Crypto’s henchman Shadow and save his buddy. He kills ‘good guy’, recovers the prototypes (one by hacking off Shadow’s hand) (Shadow will be wearing a bracelet as a High Tower Surprise for Tiberius and he will have to overcome that.)
and…
PJ 14 – AJ 8: Crypto asks Tiberius to give something sentimental to his wife as he awaits death. He doesn’t want to be saved, just to make sure his wife will be taken care of. Tiberius spares him and together they fake his death so he can get out of his miserable life.
AJ 9: …sends Crypto to an apparent fiery death in front of the Executive Board and then destroys the evil lair in the process.
Resolution:
PJ 15: Tiberius, new ways on display, turns down a chance to be a permanent super soldier, opens his own fast food restaurant and calls it: Ninja Burgers (even though his best friend keeps reminding him that he never was or can be a ninja.)
AJ 10: Crypto and his wife open a bar on a tropical island. Receives a postcard (or modern equivalent) from Tiberius warning he’ll be keeping an eye on him.
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Alan’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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What I learned: This has been a great and eye opening experience! Can’t wait to continue.
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Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, nineteen-year-old fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
===================================================================
WORKING OUTLINE
Main Conflict: Tiberius has a high tech bracelet fused to his wrist that makes him a super soldier, the bad guys who stole it want it back and will kill him and anyone else who gets in their way to get it.
Key:
PJ = Protagonist Journey
AJ = Antagonist Journey
Before Story Starts:
AJ 1: Crypto is a brilliant engineer who designs weapons systems for various governments.
AJ 2: He is approached by Name Corp (the secretly evil organization recruiting great minds in their bid to eventually take over the world) and quickly rises through the ranks to become senior management and in charge of the tech acquisitions branch.
AJ 3: He finds out what his real job is and realizes he is trapped and must project strength and ruthlessness or face death.
Genre: Action/Comedy
Act 1 – Tiberius Finds Something Shiny in the Trash – [The Orphan]
Opening:
PJ 1: Tiberius late for work. Open in action as we see him riding his bike to work…poorly. He can’t do jumps, falls off the bike, is chased by dogs and is hit by a bus. He’s bullied by his boss, displays a lack of confidence at every turn, and shows that he’s a weak “yes, man” to all those around him. Depressed, but has a good heart and is kind to a homeless man that lives behind the restaurant. He mentions to his best friend his life goal is to either open his own restaurant or to be a ninja. His friend reminds him that he will never be a ninja and that it would be cultural appropriation anyway.
AJ 4: An evil henchman visits the restaurant. Tiberius offers to take his tray with the trash on it. Henchman agrees but forgets that the case containing the bracelet is on the tray.
Deeper Layer: the evil henchman Shadow is the man Tiberius will ultimately kill in the final confrontation. Shadow will be wearing a bracelet as a High Tower Surprise for Tiberius and he will have to overcome that.
Inciting Incident:
PJ 2: After taking out the garbage, the bag tears on the old dumpster and all of its contents spill out to the ground. He spies amongst the refuse a small case. He finds an awesome looking metallic bracelet inside. He slips the bracelet on and it painfully fuses to his wrist.
Deeper Layer: The bracelet is a piece of future high tech that turns him into a super soldier.
Deeper Layer Hint: On the bike ride home mysterious abilities show up. He can make the jump he missed on the way to work. He avoids the bus with some true BMX style riding. He does a bunny hop over a car that almost hits him. And he flat out outruns a dog chasing him. When he gets home he’s both shocked and completely gassed. Although he has new skills, he’s still woefully out of shape. He pukes on his front lawn.
AJ 5: With his job/life on the line, his henchman loses the high tech super soldier bracelet he promised to the Name Corp executive board.
Turning Point:
PJ 6: The ‘good guys’ track him down and explain what he has on his wrist and make him an offer he can’t refuse, join their experimental team of human test subjects, or they can amputate his arm and take the bracelet.
Deeper Layer Reveal: Addison Grant shows up and makes the offer to Tiberius to join the test subject group or lose his arm.
Deeper Layer: Addison Grant wants out of her terrible life and will do anything to achieve this dream. She will provide the future tech bracelet to the bad guys in order for a huge payment and a new identity.
Deeper Layer Hint: Addison is incredibly unhappy that Tiberius has the bracelet. Not excited at all that he managed to retrieve the missing item.
Act II – Tiberius: The Fish Out of Water – [The Wanderer]
New Plan:
PJ 7: Tiberius decides to become a human test subject and keep his arm. The plan is to find out what is really going on with this bracelet, and survive the experiments. He is given the code name Custer.
Plan in Action:
PJ 8: Tiberius is a true fish out of water amongst the perfect human specimens who have volunteered to become super soldiers. He is unable to keep up…the old ways on display again. All kinds of super soldier training set pieces here. Tiberius hooks up with Super Soldier test subject Washington. Yes, they have super sex.
Deeper Layer: Tiberius only misses out on getting killed because he was zonked out after sex with Washington.
AJ 6: (Not Seen) After finding the bracelet he agrees to bring “Good Guy Leader” into the group, to disappear him to Japan so he can retire comfortably if she will wipe out the group of test subjects and bring him the prototype bracelets.
Midpoint Turning Point:
PJ 9: A critical mission is announced. After the class leader is selected for the mission the entire team is wiped out by Crypto’s henchmen in a massive explosion. Tiberius is able to escape thanks to some new skills but just barely.
Deeper Layer: Addison, after making a new deal with Crypto facilitates Shadow’s infiltration and sabotage of the test subjects.
Deeper Layer Hint: Shadow knows the code to enter the facility. Addison sends the group into the location that gets them all killed.
Act III – Tiberius Grows a Pair – [The Warrior]
Rethink Everything:
PJ 10: After the shock of losing the team he had begun to bond with, Tiberius realizes the old ways won’t work anymore. The leader of the ‘good guys’ meets up with him. Tiberius vows to avenge his class of fallen super soldiers and wipe out Crypto and his organization..
Deeper Layer: Tiberius doesn’t know Addison is working for the bad guys…neither does the audience.
Deeper Layer Hint: Addison discourages Tiberius from going on his mission of revenge.
New Plan:
PJ 11: Tiberius tries to infiltrate and destroy Crypto’s evil headquarters. He should use his closest friend in some way to help him. This needs to be set up in Act I. Build in stealth type set pieces here. Also, make him have to perform some task that was a major challenge/failure for him during the training process.
Turning Point:
PJ 12 – AJ 7: Huge failure / Major shift: Tiberius is captured and set for execution. Along with his best friend, maybe? Crypto will have his super soldier bracelet and be able to create his army.
Deeper Layer Reveal: And… the ‘good guy’ leader Addison stands at Crypto’s side and was behind the death of the entire team! Tiberius just survived by dumb luck. It turns out that ‘good guy’ Addison was the supplier of the tech to the henchman Shadow who then lost the bracelet at the fast food restaurant!
Act IV – Tiberius Burns Down the House – [The Martyr]
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:
PJ 13: Tiberius embraces the new way. He finds a way to defeat Crypto’s henchman Shadow and save his buddy. He kills ‘good guy’, recovers the prototypes (one by hacking off Shadow’s hand) and…
PJ 14 – AJ 8: Crypto asks Tiberius to give something sentimental to his wife as he awaits death. He doesn’t want to be saved, just to make sure his wife will be taken care of. Tiberius spares him and together they fake his death so he can get out of his miserable life.
AJ 9: …sends Crypto to an apparent fiery death in front of the Executive Board and then destroys the evil lair in the process.
Resolution:
PJ 15: Tiberius, new ways on display, turns down a chance to be a permanent super soldier, opens his own fast food restaurant and calls it: Ninja Burgers (even though his best friend keeps reminding him that he never was or can be a ninja.)
AJ 10: Crypto and his wife open a bar on a tropical island. Receives a postcard (or modern equivalent) from Tiberius warning he’ll be keeping an eye on him.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Alan Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by
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Alan’s Deeper Layers
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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What I learned: All about adding deeper layers to my screenplay: intentionally!
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Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, nineteen-year-old fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
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Deeper Layers
Surface Layer: A clumsy kid with a big dream works at a fast food place and finds a cool bracelet in the trash. / Addison Grant wants out of her terrible life and will do anything to achieve this dream.
Deeper Layer: The bracelet is a piece of future high tech that turns him into a super soldier. / She will provide the future tech bracelet to the bad guys in order for a huge payment and a new identity.
Major Reveal: When “Good Guy” Addison Grant shows up and makes the offer to Tiberius to join the test subject group or lose his arm. / In the end when Addison shows up it is revealed that she provided the initial prototype and then set up the entire team to deliver the prototypes to the bad guys in exchange for money and a new identity.
Influences Surface Story: Totally changes his life and brings him deep into the fish out of water phase. / Gets a lot of people killed and sets Tiberius off on his need for revenge.
Hints: Tiberius can suddenly do cool stuff on his bike ride home. Instantly gains a level of confidence. / Addison is incredibly unhappy that Tiberius has the bracelet. Not excited at all that he managed to retrieve a missing item. Addison sends the group into the location that gets them all killed. Tiberius only misses out on getting killed because he was zonked out after sex with Washington.
Changes Reality: Becomes a super soldier who now has the power to stop an evil organization. / Addison doesn’t get her freedom. She dies as part of Tiberius’ revenge.
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Alan’s Character Structure
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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What I learned: Never thought or heard of doing this and it’s brilliant.
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Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, nineteen-year-old fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
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Protagonist: Tiberius Truman
Beginning: Clumsy, down on his luck, struggling, fast food worker who’s stealing from the restaurant to feed his sick father.
Inciting Incident: Finds a high tech bracelet that fuses itself to his wrist and turns him into a super soldier.
Turning Point 1: Given a choice to join the training group or lose his arm. He chooses to train. Given the code name Custer.
Act 2:
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: On his own after his training group is wiped out by the bad guy. Four prototypes missing. Vows revenge.
Act 3:
Turning Point 3: Finds the evil hidden lair. Goes in to get his revenge.
Act 4
Climax: Brings down the bad guys. Gets his revenge. Recovers the prototypes.
Resolution: Declines offer to be a super soldier. Opens the restaurant of his dreams.
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Antagonist:
Beginning: Crypto is a brilliant engineer who designs weapons systems for various governments.
Inciting Incident: He is approached by Name Corp (the secretly evil organization recruiting great minds in their bid to eventually take over the world) and quickly rises through the ranks to become senior management and in charge of the tech acquisitions branch.
Turning Point 1: He finds out what his real job is and realizes he is trapped and must project strength and ruthlessness or face death.
Act 2:
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: With his job/life on the line, his henchman loses the high tech super soldier bracelet his promised to the Name Corp executive board.
Act 3:
Turning Point 3: After finding the bracelet he agrees to bring “Good Guy Leader” into the group, to disappear him to Japan so he can retire comfortably if he will wipe out the group of test subjects and bring him the prototype bracelets.
Act 4
Climax: Tiberius takes down his henchman. He is spared by Tiberius. Tiberius helps him fake his own death to set him free.
Resolution: Crypto and his wife open a bar on a tropical island.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Alan Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by
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Alan’s Supporting Characters
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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What I learned: A great way to give supporting characters meaning.
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Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, nineteen-year-old fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
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Supporting Characters: Necessary characters who interact with the lead characters and/or are required to be in multiple scenes to make this journey happen.
Tiberius’ Best Friend
Tiberius’ Father
“Good Guys” Leader
Team Member 1
Team Member 2
Team Member 3
Team Member 4
“Bad Guy” Henchman
Crypto’s Wife
Background Characters: Can be played by Extras. Usually no speaking role, but maybe a line or two.
Other Fast Food Employees
Fast Food Customers
Homeless Guy
Other Bad Guys at Lair
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Support 1:
Name: Hannibal Byrd
Role: Tiberius’ Best Friend
Main purpose: The Believer
Value: He is the one person that believes in Tiberius. He provides a fulcrum for Tiberius’ internal dilemma of following his own dream or disappointing his friends.
Support 2:
Name: Harry Truman
Role: Tiberius’ father, depressed, dying, doesn’t believe in his son or anything after the death of his wife.
Main purpose: The doubter. He’s here to show how rough Tiberius has it and to help establish likeability etc for Tiberius.
Value: He’s here to show how rough Tiberius has it and to help establish likeability etc for Tiberius.
Support 3:
Name: Addison Grant
Role: Leader of the Super Soldier Test Subject group.
Main purpose: To bring Tiberius into his new world and provide a surprise twist to the third act.
Value: The betrayer, he adds at first a better father figure for Tiberius but then gives us a major twist with his betrayal.
Support 4:
Name: Patton
Role: Team Member 1 – Male – The Protector
Main purpose: Bonding with Tiberius. Fish out of water fuel.
Value: Shows how weak and out of place our hero is when he first arrives to training.
Support 5:
Name: MacArthur
Role: Team Member 2 – Male
Main purpose: Bonding with Tiberius. Fish out of water fuel.
Value: Shows how weak and out of place our hero is when he first arrives to training.
Support 6:
Name: Eisenhower
Role: Team Member 3 – Female – The Feeler
Main purpose: Bonding with Tiberius. Fish out of water fuel.
Value: Shows how weak and out of place our hero is when he first arrives to training. Helps him out with Washington.
Support 7:
Name: Washington – Female
Role: Team Member 4
Main purpose: Bonding with Tiberius. Fish out of water fuel. Out of his league love interest.
Value: Shows how weak and out of place our hero is when he first arrives to training. She and Tiberius hook up and then she dies.
Support 8:
Name: Shade
Role: “Bad Guy” Henchman
Main purpose: Boss fight.
Value: Gives us a truly evil and way more powerful bad guy for Tiberius to overcome.
Support 9:
Name: Clarissa French
Role: Crypto’s Wife
Main purpose: The love interest for Crypto.
Value: Shows us Crypto is human and trapped. The object of his greatest dilemmas.
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My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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What I learned: This is a really important process that I don’t usually do outside of SU classes. I need to make this a regular part of my process. I know that’s the same thing I learned last time, but it counts here too!
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Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, thirty-something fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
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Protagonist:
A. The High Concept: My protagonist is a nineteen-year-old fast food worker who is down on his luck and feels he has no way to make his dreams come true.
B. This character’s journey:
Arc Beginning: Down on his luck, no confidence or belief in himself or his dream, fast food employee.
Arc Ending: Completely confident, no one’s fool who has achieved his dream of owning his own fast food restaurant.
Internal Journey: From weak and afraid with no confidence to strong, fearless high achiever..
External Journey: From depressed fast food employee to highly successful restaurant owner.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character: Large transformational journey. Wide range of emotions. Gets to be depressed, clumsy, and awkward as well as confident, brave and badass. Gets to participate in several cool action set pieces including fighting, BMX style bike riding, and other cool action. Gets to be the hero.
Protagonist Character Profile:
Role in the Story: Protagonist
Age range and Description: Male aged 19. A little doughy but not too bad, awkward,
Core Traits: Introvert in a group of extroverts. Dreamer. Responsible. Survivor.
Motivation – Want/Need: Wants to be able to take care of his father and open his own business. Needs to find the courage to speak up and not care what others think.
Wound: His mother died recently and now his father is dying and he can’t afford to care for him properly.
Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: Feeds the homeless guy behind the store. Is shy but tries hard with his friends. Has dreams and goals.
Relatability: Takes care of his dying father. Can’t afford to feed him and get his medications. Afraid to share his true dreams for fear of ridicule.
Empathy: Is positive with his father while barely holding it together on the inside.
Character Subtext:
Subtext Identity: nineteen-year-old, bullied, insecure, introverted fast food employee who is part of a group trying to become YouTube famous (he’s the camera man) but really dreams of owning his own fast food restaurant one day but won’t tell anyone that because they would ridicule him for it…and he always wanted to be a Ninja.
Subtext Trait: Believes in his dream but won’t share it because he knows everyone else would ridicule him for it. People always tell him his dreams aren’t big enough.
Subtext Logline: Tiberius is a bullied, insecure fast food employee and part of a group trying to be YouTube famous but really longs to open his own fast food restaurant one day.
Possible Areas of Subtext: His heart isn’t into the YouTube group but he does it to belong. Want’s to be a Ninja but his friends ridicule him for it cuz that’s cultural appropriation etc. Tells one person about his real dream and they laugh in his face, then he has to admit he was only kidding, but he wasn’t. When in training he gets the nickname Ninja when he lets it slip that has been a dream of his. And he shares his restaurant dream with someone in the group and they think it’s a good idea.
Character Intrigue:
Hidden agendas: Doesn’t want to be a part of the YouTube group but does it to have friends.
Competition:
Conspiracies:
Secrets: Wants to be a Ninja. Wants to open his own fast food restaurant. Steals food and money from the restaurant to feed his dying father and buy his dad’s medications.
Deception: Lies to the other super soldiers about his origins.
Unspoken Wound: His mother died and it sent his father into a tailspin. His fast food income is basically all they have to survive. He tells none of this to his friends.
Secret Identity: Super soldier.
Give us an idea of how that character’s subtext might show up in your movie: As listed above. He loves his job but must steal in order to survive and to help his father survive. His heart isn’t into his friends’ big plans. He can’t share his plans for fear of ridicule.
Flaw: Undervalues himself and is afraid to take risks.
Values: Family and providing.
Internal Dilemma: Wants to realize his dreams but not disappoint his friends. Wants to run a business but is afraid to put himself out there. Fean versus his need to avenge his friends.
Antagonist:
The High Concept: My antagonist is the head of a high tech criminal organization who has promised the delivery of a prototype future tech bracelet to the head of an extremist government and will face death if he fails.
This character’s journey: Tragedy – From leader of an evil empire to death OR faked death and life on the Island.
The Actor Attractors for this character: Supervillan in charge of an evil organization. He’s evil and funny. He has a dream that he feels can never be his so there’s depth. He’s not a one note character.
Antagonist Character Profile:
Role in the Story: Antagonist.
Age range and Description: Male mid-thirties, sharp features, tall and well built, confident and strong.
Core Traits: Duplicity. Strength. Resolve. Tender. Longing. Stressed out.
Motivation – Want/Need: Wants to get the bracelet back or he will face elimination from the bigger fish. Needs to get away from his job for his health.
Wound: Lost a daughter. His wife believes he’s the world’s greatest man and wants to try again to have a baby because he would make a great father.
Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: He’s evil but funny. Stays strong even though his heart isn’t into being evil. Has a ‘beautiful dream’ of life as a bartender on a tropical island. His wife loves him.
Relatability: Stuck in a job that he hates and fears he will never be able to escape and realize his true dream.
Empathy: Trapped. Must succeed or he will be killed. Everyone is after his job, he has to watch his back. Longs for the simple life but is trapped.
Character Subtext:
Subtext Identity: Leader of an evil high tech organization who longs to live the quiet life on a tropical island.
Subtext Trait: Longing for peace and no stress. Tired of being the “buck stops here” guy.
Subtext Logline: Crypto is the leader of an evil organization dedicated to bringing the downfall of civilization through any means possible who feels trapped in his job and longs for peace and quiet and a simple life tending bar on a small tropical island.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Every time someone comes to him with a problem, verbal fights where he snaps for no apparent reason, general fatigue when others aren’t looking, moments alone pining for the simple life, photos on his tablet/phone of his true dream.
Character Intrigue:
Hidden agendas: Would love to find a way to leave the evil organization for island life.
Competition: He knows the number one henchman is after his job and looking for a sign of weakness.
Conspiracies:
Secrets: He hates his job and is taking stress meds because of it. Wakes up throwing up.
Deception:
Unspoken Wound: His sweet wife doesn’t know what he does and thinks the world of him and that haunts/tortures him endlessly.
Secret Identity: From his wife: loving husband really leads a division of a super evil organization.
Give us an idea of how that character’s subtext might show up in your movie: Crypto needs to show total strength and ruthlessness in order to survive, it is only when he is alone that we see cracks in his armor and understand that he is hurting and vulnerable as well.
Flaw: Afraid to change.
Values: Power and his wife.
Internal Dilemma: Being powerful versus being loved. Feeling important versus feeling free.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Alan Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by
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WIM2 Character Profiles Part 1
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
=====================================================================
What I learned: This is a really important process that I don’t usually do outside of SU classes. I need to make this a regular part of my process. I know that’s the same thing I learned last time, but it counts here too!
=====================================================================
Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, thirty-something fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
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Protagonist:
A. The High Concept: My protagonist is a thirty-year-old fast food worker who is down on his luck and feels he has no way to make his dreams come true.
B. This character’s journey:
Arc Beginning: Down on his luck, no confidence or belief in himself or his dream, fast food employee.
Arc Ending: Completely confident, no one’s fool who has achieved his dream of owning his own fast food restaurant.
Internal Journey: From weak and afraid with no confidence to strong, fearless high achiever..
External Journey: From depressed fast food employee to highly successful restaurant owner.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character: Large transformational journey. Wide range of emotions. Gets to be depressed, clumsy, and awkward as well as confident, brave and badass. Gets to participate in several cool action set pieces including fighting, BMX style bike riding, and other cool action. Gets to be the hero.
Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for your Protagonist:
Role in the Story: Protagonist
Age range and Description: Male aged 30-33. A little doughy but not too bad, awkward,
Core Traits: Introvert in a group of extroverts. Dreamer. Responsible. Survivor.
Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to be able to take care of his father and open his own business. Needs to find the courage to speak up and not care what others think.
Wound: His mother died recently and now his father is dying and he can’t afford to care for him properly.
Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: Feeds the homeless guy behind the store. Is shy but tries hard with his friends. Has dreams and goals.
Relatability: Takes care of his dying father. Can’t afford to feed him and get his medications. Afraid to share his true dreams for fear of ridicule.
Empathy: Is positive with his father while barely holding it together on the inside.
Antagonist:
The High Concept: My antagonist is the head of a high tech criminal organization who has promised the delivery of a prototype future tech bracelet to the head of an extremist government and will face death if he fails.
This character’s journey: Tragedy – From leader of an evil empire to death.
The Actor Attractors for this character: Supervillan in charge of an evil organization. He’s evil and funny. He has a dream that he feels can never be his so there’s depth. He’s not a one note character.
Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for your Antagonist:
Role in the Story: antagonist.
Age range and Description: Male mid-thirties, sharp features, tall and well built, confident and strong.
Core Traits: Duplicity. Strength. Resolve. Tender. Longing. Stressed out.
Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to get the bracelet back or he will face elimination from the bigger fish. Needs to get away from his job for his health.
Wound: Lost a daughter. His wife believes he’s the world’s greatest man and wants to try again to have a baby because he would make a great father.
Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: He’s evil but funny. Stays strong even though his heart isn’t into being evil. Has a ‘beautiful dream’ of life as a bartender on a tropical island. His wife loves him.
Relatability: Stuck in a job that he hates and fears he will never be able to escape and realize his true dream.
Empathy: Trapped. Must succeed or he will be killed. Everyone is after his job, he has to watch his back. Longs for the simple life but is trapped.
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WIM2 Alan’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
=====================================================================
What I learned: This is a really important process that I don’t usually do outside of SU classes. I need to make this a regular part of my process. I know that’s the same thing I learned last time, but it counts here too!
=====================================================================
Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, thirty-something fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
======================================================================
Brainstorm one or more ways you can present your Protagonist through each of these:
Likability: Feeds the homeless guy behind the store. Is shy but tries hard with his friends. Has dreams and goals.
Relatability: Takes care of his dying father. Can’t afford to feed him and get his medications. Afraid to share his true dreams for fear of ridicule.
Empathy: Is positive with his father while barely holding it together on the inside.
Just to get the experience, give us one or more ways that your Antagonist could be presented through each of these:
Likability: He’s evil but funny. Stays strong even though his heart isn’t into being evil. Has a ‘beautiful dream’ of life as a bartender on a tropical island.
Relatability: Stuck in a job that he hates and fears he will never be able to escape and realize his true dream.
Empathy: Trapped. Must succeed or he will be killed. Everyone is after his job, he has to watch his back. Longs for the simple life but is trapped.
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WIM2 Alan’s Character Intrigue
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
=====================================================================
What I learned: This is a really important process that I don’t usually do outside of SU classes. I need to make this a regular part of my process. I know that’s the same thing I learned last time, but it counts here too!
=====================================================================
Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, thirty-something fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
======================================================================
For each of your main characters, use this list to brainstorm one or more Intrigue items that might apply. You don’t need all of them; just one or two.
Character Name: Tiberius Truman
Role: Protagonist
Hidden agendas: Doesn’t want to be a part of the YouTube group but does it to have friends.
Competition:
Conspiracies:
Secrets: Wants to be a Ninja. Wants to open his own fast food restaurant. Steals food and money from the restaurant to feed his dying father and buy his dad’s medications.
Deception: Lies to the other super soldiers about his origins.
Unspoken Wound: His mother died and it sent his father into a tailspin. His fast food income is basically all they have to survive. He tells none of this to his friends.
Secret Identity: Super soldier.
Give us an idea of how that character’s subtext might show up in your movie: As listed above. He loves his job but must steal in order to survive and to help his father survive. His heart isn’t into his friends’ big plans. He can’t share his plans for fear of ridicule.
Character Name: Crypto
Role: Antagonist
Hidden agendas: Would love to find a way to leave the evil organization for the island life.
Competition: He knows the number one henchman is after his job and looking for a sign of weakness.
Conspiracies:
Secrets: He hates his job and is taking stress meds because of it. Wakes up throwing up.
Deception:
Unspoken Wound: Was responsible for his wife’s accidental death and that haunts/tortures him endlessly.
Secret Identity:
Give us an idea of how that character’s subtext might show up in your movie: Crypto needs to show total strength and ruthlessness in order to survive, it is only when he is alone that we see cracks in his armor and understand that he is hurting and vulnerable as well.
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WIM2 – Alan’s Subtext Characters
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
=====================================================================
What I learned: This is a really important process that I don’t usually do outside of SU classes. I need to make this a regular part of my process. I know that’s the same thing I learned last time, but it counts here too!
=====================================================================
Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, thirty-something fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
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With your example movie, give us the following answers for the character with the most subtext:
Movie Title: Kickass
Character Name: Big Daddy
Subtext Identity: A badass superhero/vigilante who is terrified about his daughter’s future and missis his wife.
Subtext Trait: Overprotective – gentle and loving father
Subtext Logline: Big Daddy is a disgraced former cop – framed for a crime he didn’t commit – turned superhero/vigilante who is terrified about his only daughter’s future and safety in a world without him to protect her.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Teaching his daughter how to fight, bringing down the guys who brought him down, getting his daughter everything she wants.
For your two leads, brainstorm these answers:
Protagonist:
Character Name: Tiberius Truman
Subtext Identity: Thirty-something, bullied, insecure, introverted fast food employee who is part of a group trying to become YouTube famous (he’s the camera man) but really dreams of owning his own fast food restaurant one day but won’t tell anyone that because they would ridicule him for it…and he always wanted to be a Ninja.
Subtext Trait: Believes in his dream but won’t share it because he knows everyone else would ridicule him for it. People always tell him his dreams aren’t big enough.
Subtext Logline: Tiberius is a bullied, insecure fast food employee and part of a group trying to be YouTube famous but really longs to open his own fast food restaurant one day.
Possible Areas of Subtext: His heart isn’t into the YouTube group but he does it to belong. Want’s to be a Ninja but his friends ridicule him for it cuz that’s cultural appropriation etc. Tells one person about his real dream and they laugh in his face, then he has to admit he was only kidding, but he wasn’t. When in training he gets the nickname Ninja when he lets it slip that has been a dream of his. And he shares his restaurant dream with someone in the group and they think it’s a good idea.
Antagonist:
Character Name: Crypto
Subtext Identity: Leader of an evil high tech organization who longs to live the quiet life on a tropical island.
Subtext Trait: Longing for peace and no stress. Tired of being the “buck stops here” guy.
Subtext Logline: Crypto is the leader of an evil organization dedicated to bringing the downfall of civilization through any means possible who feels trapped in his job and longs for peace and quiet and a simple life tending bar on a small tropical island.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Every time someone comes to him with a problem, verbal fights where he snaps for no apparent reason, general fatigue when others aren’t looking, moments alone pining for the simple life, photos on his tablet/phone of his true dream.
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WIM2 – Alan’s Actor Attractors
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
=====================================================================
What I learned: This is a really important process that I don’t usually do outside of SU classes. I need to make this a regular part of my process.
=====================================================================
Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, thirty-something fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
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Lead Character Name: Tiberius Truman
Role: Protagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Large transformational journey. Wide range of emotions. Gets to be depressed, clumsy, and awkward as well as confident, brave and badass. Gets to participate in several cool action set pieces including fighting, BMX style bike riding, and other cool action. Gets to be the hero.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He’s a unique character with a unique journey. He is the fulcrum upon which the entire story rests. He’s not a traditionally ‘successful’ guy but his success and his life goals are important to him and his success is his success.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
A high tech bracelet is fused to his wrist. The training is a true fish out of water moment. Fighting. Bike riding. High tech breaking and entering. Stealth. Dangerous moments while sneaking through the bad guy’s evil lair. Taking down the evil henchman and then the ultimate showdown with the bad guy.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He’s late for work and in the opening sequence we see him riding his bike to work during which, he is nearly his by a bus, a dog chases him and bites him, he misses a jump he thinks he can make and is then hit by a car. It’s an action set piece right out of the gate set on his bike.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
From sad and depressed to scared to terrified to determined to belonging to tragic loss and heartbreak to resolve and vengeful to rage to confidence to happy and successful.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
He hides who he is and what he wants from both to his initial co-workers to his cohort at the training facility to the antagonist.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
His best friend at the fast food restaurant. His group of cohorts at the training facility.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Unknown at this time.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Aside from all of the above…unknown at this time.
Lead Character Name: Crypto
Role: Antagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Supervillan in charge of an evil organization. He’s evil and funny. He has a dream that he feels can never be his so there’s depth. He’s not a one note character.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He’s a unique character with a unique journey. He is the center of the dramatic question.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Confrontation with the good guy in the end. A spectacular death. Fighting. Furious tantrums.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Grand presentation of his evil lair. The rage and tantrum at the news that the henchman has somehow lost the bracelet that he is under tremendous pressure to secure.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
From confidence to rage to sadness to insecurity to melancholy.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
He hides what he really wants in life from everyone except his pet (unknown). He’s trapped in his current role and really doesn’t want to be the head of an evil organization. He’s under tremendous pressure from an even bigger fish to secure this bracelet.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
His best friend is his pet unknown. Or maybe he’s married and he’s a completely different person around his wife.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
He speaks and dresses differently when in evil mode and when he’s behind the scenes.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Aside from all of the above…unknown at this time.
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WIM2 – Alan’s Actor Attractors for Kick-Ass
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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What I learned: It’s good to take a step back and study a great film and see these actor attractors in action. Another great thing to consciously apply to your screenplays.
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Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, thirty-something fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
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Actor Attractor Assignment
Movie Title: Kickass
Lead Character Name: Damon Macready (Big Daddy)
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? It’s the most unusual character in a film full of unusual characters. Plus he’s a masked batman-like badass who has been framed and disgraced and, now free of jail, seeks revenge! Who doesn’t want to play that guy?!
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? His unique situation in life: former cop, framed by the mob, jailed, wife commits suicide, now a single father of a young daughter, vigilante – revenge seeker, and his unique relationship with his daughter.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Trains his daughter how to take a bullet strike to a bullet proof vest by shooting her in the chest…twice. Multiple kickass fight sequences. Gets to play with an array of heavy weaponry. Is burned alive. A tearful farewell with his daughter before he dies.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? With a big action/fight sequence! Rescues Kick-Ass from certain death by a group of drug dealing thugs. He and his daughter wipe out the gang, save Kick-Ass and then steal all the drug dealer’s money.
5. What is this character’s emotional range? Tender fatherly love to badass vigilante to rage to agonizing torture while being burned alive to a tearful goodbye to his daughter as he dies.
6. What subtext can the actor play? He’s preparing his young daughter to survive without him because he knows his quest for revenge is likely to lead to his death.
7. What’s the most interesting relationship this character has? With his young daughter Mindy (Hit-Girl). He trains her to become the ultimate badass.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? He’s two different people when he’s out of costume and dressed up for crime fighting as Big Daddy. A loving father and then a ruthless, heartless, vigilante seeking revenge.
9. What makes this character special and unique? His relationship with his daughter hasn’t been seen before. His attitudes are so strikingly against all that you think a good father would be, but at the heart level he’s doing what he feels he must to insure her future safety in the strange world they live in.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.) The entire death scene, while being burned alive he continues to encourage his daughter who he has trained for exactly this moment, and through his screams you can sense that he’s proud of her and he knows that he did his job and that she’s going to be okay after he’s gone. And then before he goes, he gets to have a very emotional scene with her as they say their tear-filled goodbyes.
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WIM2 – Alan’s Genre Conventions
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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What I learned: By specifically focusing on the genre conventions I am able to elevate my story to better suit the needs of the genre. It also improves the story.
Title: Ninja Buregers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: After taking out the garbage, a down on his luck, thirty-something fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
Conventions:
ACTION
PURPOSE: To excite your audience with an adrenaline-stirring, fast-paced, big-event story.
DEMAND FOR ACTION: There is a problem or goal that the only solution is a high level of action (Intense fighting, running, escaping, and/or competing). Plot, character, and situations are all designed to demand Action!
MISSION: There is a stated or implied mission. The Hero must take down the antagonistic force, defend against overwhelming odds, or escape the inescapable.
ESCALATING ACTION: Overcoming the problem requires greater and greater heights of action (and involving higher stakes) as the story progresses.
HERO: Highly capable and skilled. Often, they bring a unique skill or talent to the fight that has them stand out from other heroes in the genre.
ANTAGONISTS: Clearly evil / corrupt / malicious, necessitating decisive and expedient action to deal with them
COMEDY
PURPOSE: To entertain the audience with a story packed with laughter-inducing moments.
INCONGRUENCE: Some aspect of the journey, world, characters, or perspective is incongruent in a way that causes the audience to laugh. The unconventional pairing of two things, people, or situations in an way that causes laughter.
MECHANICS OF COMEDY: Specific devices are used to induce laughter: Primarily, the Setup / Punchline. Also, devices like toppers, running gags, sight and prop humor. This also includes comedic situations like “Fish out of water,” Incongruent Pairings, Hilarious Purpose, Absurd situation, Misinterpretation, etc..
COMEDIC PROTAGONIST(S): Whether deliberately funny or the ‘straight man’ of the story, the Protagonist triggers countless amusing situations through their incongruent perspectives, choices and reactions to events.
STRONG STORY: Comedy is not enough. You need a story that keeps us engaged throughout the movie.
4 ACT STRUCTURE (Improved with Genre) Improvements underlined.
Main Conflict: Tiberius has a high tech bracelet fused to his wrist that makes him a super soldier, the bad guys who stole it want it back and will kill him and anyone else who gets in their way to get it.
Act 1
Opening: Tiberius late for work. Open in action as we see him riding his bike to work…poorly. He can’t do jumps, falls off the bike, is chased by dogs, hit by a bus. He’s bullied by his boss, displays a lack of confidence at every turn, and shows that he’s a weak “yes, man” to all those around him. Depressed, but has a good heart and is kind to a homeless man that lives behind the restaurant. He mentions to his best friend his life goal is to either open his own restaurant or to be a ninja. His friend reminds him that he will never be a ninja and that it would be cultural appropriation anyway. An evil henchman visits the restaurant. Tiberius offers to take his tray with the trash on it. Henchman agrees but forgets that the case containing the bracelet is on the tray.
Inciting Incident: After taking out the garbage, the bag tears on the old dumpster and all of its contents spill out to the ground. He spies amongst the refuse a small case. He finds an awesome looking metallic bracelet inside. He slips the bracelet on and it painfully fuses to his wrist. On the bike ride home mysterious abilities show up. He can make the jump he missed on the way to work. He avoids the bus with some true BMX style riding. He does a bunny hop over a car that almost hits him. And he flat out outruns a dog chasing him. When he gets home he’s both shocked and completely gassed. Although he has new skills, he’s still woefully out of shape.
Turning Point: The ‘good guys’ track him down and explain what he has on his wrist and make him an offer he can’t refuse, join their experimental team of human test subjects, or they can amputate his arm and take the bracelet.
Act II
New Plan: Tiberius decides to become a human test subject and keep his arm. The plan is to find out what is really going on with this bracelet, and survive the experiments.
Plan in Action: Tiberius is a true fish out of water amongst the perfect human specimens who have volunteered to become super soldiers. He is unable to keep up…the old ways on display again. All kinds of super soldier training set pieces here.
Midpoint Turning Point: A critical mission announced. After the class leader is selected for the mission the entire team is wiped out by Crypto’s henchmen in a massive explosion. Tiberius is able to escape thanks to some new skills but just barely.
Act III
Rethink Everything: After the shock of losing the team he had begun to bond with, Tiberius realizes the old ways won’t work anymore. The leader of the ‘good guys’ meets up with him. Tiberius vows to avenge his class of fallen super soldiers and wipe out Crypto and his organization..
New Plan: Tiberius tries to infiltrate and destroy Crypto’s evil headquarters. Build in stealth type set pieces here.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Tiberius is captured and set for execution. Crypto will have his super soldier bracelet and be able to create his army. And… the ‘good guy’ leader stands at Crypto’s side and was behind the death of the entire team! Tiberius just survived by dumb luck. It turns out that ‘good guy’ was the supplier of the tech to the henchman who then lost the bracelet at the fast food restaurant!
Act IV
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Tiberius embraces the new way. He finds a way to defeat Crypto’s henchman, kills ‘good guy’ and sends Crypto to a fiery death, destroying his evil lair in the process.
Resolution: Tiberius, new ways on display, opens his own fast food restaurant and calls it: Ninja Burgers (even though his best friend keeps reminding his that he never was a ninja.)
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Alan’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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Concept: Action/Comedy – After taking out the garbage, a down on his luck, thirty-something fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
Title – Ninja Burgers
Character Structure: Protagonist vs Antagonist
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Main Conflict: Tiberius has a high tech bracelet fused to his wrist that makes him a super soldier, the bad guys who stole it want it back and will kill him and anyone else who gets in their way to get it.
Old Ways:
Depressed
Afraid, bullied, and defeated.
Didn’t believe in himself.
Accepted the dominance of others. (His boss. Bullies.)
New Ways:
Confident.
Can kick ass. No more bullies.
Courageous.
Business owner. A financial success. Living his dream.
4 ACT STRUCTURE
Act 1
Opening: Tiberius late for work. Open in action as we see him riding his bike to work…poorly. He’s bullied by his boss, displays a lack of confidence at every turn, and shows that he’s a weak “yes, man” to all those around him. Depressed, but has a good heart and is kind to a homeless man that lives behind the restaurant.
Inciting Incident: After taking out the garbage, the bag tears on the old dumpster and all of its contents spill out to the ground. He spies amongst the refuse a small case. He finds an awesome looking metallic bracelet inside. He slips the bracelet on and it painfully fuses to his wrist.
Turning Point: The ‘good guys’ track him down and explain what he has on his wrist and make him an offer he can’t refuse, join their experimental team of human test subjects, or they can amputate his arm and take the bracelet.
Act II
New Plan: Tiberius decides to become a human test subject and keep his arm. The plan is to find out what is really going on with this bracelet, and survive the experiments.
Plan in Action: Tiberius is a true fish out of water amongst the perfect human specimens who have volunteered to become super soldiers. He is unable to keep up…the old ways on display again.
Midpoint Turning Point: A critical mission announced. After the class leader is selected for the mission the entire team is wiped out by Crypto’s henchmen who believe they were only going after Tiberius leaving only Tiberius to go on the critical mission.
Act III
Rethink Everything: After the shock of losing the team he had begun to bond with, Tiberius realizes the old ways won’t work anymore. He volunteers to carry out the mission and bring Crypto and his organization to its knees.
New Plan: Tiberius tries to infiltrate and destroy Crypto’s evil headquarters.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Tiberius is captured and set for execution. Crypto will have his super soldier bracelet and be able to create his army.
Act IV
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Tiberius embraces the new way. He finds a way to defeat Crypto’s henchman and sends Crypto to a fiery death, destroying his evil lair in the process.
Resolution: Tiberius, new ways on display, opens his own fast food restaurant and calls it: Ninja Burgers (even though his best friend keeps reminding his that he never was a ninja.)
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Alan Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by
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Alan’s Subtext Plot
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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Concept: Action/Comedy – After taking out the garbage, a down on his luck, thirty-something fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest assassin.
Title – Ninja Burgers
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SUBTEXT PLOTS
Someone Hides Who They Are: Tiberius will eventually hide who he is when he ends up on a mission and tries to accomplish the mission while being supremely underqualified to do so.
The Fish Out of Water: Tiberius will go through the fish out of water subtext after first putting on the bracelet and being brought in by the organization testing the bracelet on living subjects.
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Alan’s Transformational Journeys
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
I learned a great technique for insuring that there is both an internal and external journey for the protagonist.
Arc Beginning: Down on his luck, no confidence or belief in himself or his dream, fast food employee.
Arc Ending: Completely confident, no one’s fool who has achieved his dream of owning his own fast food restaurant.
Internal Journey: From weak and afraid with no confidence to strong, fearless high achiever..
External Journey: From depressed fast food employee to highly successful restaurant owner.
Old Ways:
Depressed
Afraid, bullied, and defeated.
Didn’t believe in himself.
Accepted the dominance of others. (His boss. Bullies.)
New Ways:
Confident.
Can kick ass. No more bullies.
Courageous.
Business owner. A financial success. Living his dream.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Alan Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by
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Alan’s Intentional Lead Characters
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely travelling the world at the moment.
I learned that I love this process and will use it from here on out!
Concept: Action/Comedy – After taking out the garbage, a down on his luck, thirty-something fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest assassin.
Character: Tiberius Truman
Logline: My protagonist is a thirty-year-old fast food worker who is down on his luck and feels he has no way to make his dreams come true.
Unique: Dreams of owning his own fast food restaurant one day.
Character: Crypto
Logline: My antagonist is the head of a high tech criminal organization who has promised the delivery of a prototype future tech bracelet to the head of an extremist government and will face death if he fails.
Unique: Hates being the head of a world renowned criminal organization and dreams of a simple life owning/running a small bar on the beach in Costa Rica.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Alan Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by
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Alan’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure</font>
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely travelling the world at the moment.
I learned that I’m fired up to start outlining and I didn’t know that studios require outlines.
Concept: Action/Comedy – After taking out the garbage, a down on his luck, thirty-something fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the worlds deadliest assassin.
Title: Ninja Burgers
Character Structure: Protagonist vs Antagonist
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Alan Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by
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Give more feedback than you get was huge. I loved the empowerment technique and plan to apply that technique to other areas of my life outside of writing. This may seem odd, but I also learned how much I miss being on a ScreenwritingU call! It’s been a while since my last class and I love being involved with a group of creatives all pushing toward a common goal. Great to be back with a group!
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Alan Wood agrees to the terms of the Confidentiality Agreement shown below.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Alan Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by
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1. Alan Wood
2. I’ve written fourteen screenplays and been optioned twice.
3. I’ve taken the ProSeries and the Master Class as well as several others. Was on the development team for the ScreenwritingU Horror class.
4. I’m considering this class valuable continuing education in my craft and hope it brings me up to date with what’s going on in the industry.
5. I am a filmmaker and a punk rock lover.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Alan Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by