Aleta rafton
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I’ve only been refining Act One all these weeks. I am a complete beginner so I’ve had a lot to learn. It’s at a point where only a few things are missing but needs also to be leveled up. I have 2 people looking it over for criticism. I wasn’t sure if I should just post Act One. I now have to rewrite Act Two and Act Three to improve them with what I have learned while writing Act One. I’m hoping they will flow easier because of what I have created in Act One.
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Rewrite Assignment 7
Aleta Rafton’s Scene Ratings
Revised Beat Sheet Version 2
ACT 1
LIVING ROOM INTERIOR – LATE AFTERNOON E-2
Hank is applying a tracking dot to each ornament then carefully wrapping them before putting them in separate small storage containers which are then put in a larger ornament storage box.
JACK’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON E-6
Jack and friend play with drone Hank gave Jack for Christmas. Jack criticizes Hank but friend thinks he might be OK since he gave Jack the drone and the computer work he does is cool. Samantha loves that Hank is always around helping while her dad is hardly home and just watches sports alone when he is home. Jack flies the drone downstairs to see what’s happening in the living room.
1. Accidentally flies too close to Hank causing him to lose his balance and fall off the ladder. Expresses concern that Hank may get hurt
2. Jack tells Samantha to watch. ‘See what wimp Hank is’ as he deliberately flies the drone too close to Jack’s head and makes him fall of the ladder
3. Samantha is disappointed in Jack because Hank may really hurt himself
LIVING ROOM INTERIOR – LATE AFTERNOON E-9
Drone flies hear Hank’s head as he’s standing on the ladder. He stumbles off the ladder and the ornament he was holding goes flying in air which Shadow grabs before it hits the ground. Julie walks in just in time to see Hank recover and not fall to the floor not knowing that Jack drove the drone near his head and says ’Nice save!’ Grandpa praises Shadow for catching ornament.
Hank doesn’t openly blame Jack but knows he may really have tried to hurt him
1. Hank holds it in but Grandpa saw what happened and tells Hank be should talk to Jack
2. Julie is oblivious
LIVING ROOM STAIRS – LATE AFTERNOON E-8
Jack with Samantha see the chaos they caused and race back to his room
HANK’S OFFICE SEEN FROM DRONE – LATE AFTERNOON E-3
Jack is flying the drone in Hank’s office trying to prove to his friend what a nerd Hank is. He knocks over some papers. Then Jack crashes the drone into the wall.
HALLWAY OUTSIDE JACK’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON E-4
Hank overhears Jack making fun of him and trash talking the drone he made for him for Christmas. Hank goes upstairs to his office to get more tracking dots and cleans up the papers off the floor the drone knocked over.
HANK’S OFFICE E-2
Hank is fixing the drone trying to hand loosen a screw. Jack enters. Hank grabs machine oil to loosen the area explaining to Jack how useful it is. Jack tells Hank his dad could loosen that with his bare hands. Jack leaves with Shadow.
JACK’S BEDROOM E-2
Hank returns the fixed drone and leaves. Jack is trying to open an old piggybank but can’t just by pulling. He goes to get the machine oil Hank used, applies it and opens the bank. Samantha comments that Hank knows a lot.
JACK’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON E-4
Jack and his friend are chasing Shadow with the drone. Julie calls upstairs that Jack’s friend’s mom needs her home. Jack plays alone with Shadow and then picks up photo of his dad while lying on the bed and reminisces about how life used to be. Jack hears Hank in his office.
LIVING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON E-6
Hank is nearly done taking off ornaments from tree. Julie nearby in kitchen calls to Jack to come downstairs to help Hank with the ornaments. Jack comes downstairs just as Hank is about to apply a tracking dot to the firetruck ornament that is his favorite. Jack yells at Hank to not touch that ornament and grabs it out of Hank’s hands, puts the tracking dot on it himself and then rehangs it on the tree. Jack sees tracking device and secretly removes batteries so it won’t work.
KITCHEN – LATE AFTERNOON E-4
Julie calls Hank into kitchen to explain that Jack and his dad were in the midst of repairing the firetruck ornament when his dad died. Hank admits he’s failing to connect with Jack.
LIVING ROOM TV – LATE AFTERNOON E-6
Grandpa dozing in his chair and ottoman. Breaking News comes on TV with story about escaped lion loose in NYC. They all come to watch and Julie gets call from her news station that she needs to come in to cover the lion story
Hank and Julie are now dressed as Indiana Jones and his female sidekick for a New Year’s Eve costume party they are going to later.
Distracted by TV news story about a lion loose in NYC, Julie knocks the special fire truck storage box under the table while grabbing her bag to go to the news station to work on the escaped lion story. Julie calls to Jack to come help to make sure Shadow and Grandpa are taken care of.
After the news story segment ends on TV, Hank returns to taking ornaments off the tree. Jack tells him there are no more storage boxes for ornaments and assumes all the ornaments are off the tree. Hank carries the tree out to the curb for the garbage pickup.
Jack, down from his bedroom, is playing fetch with Shadow. The ball goes under the table but Shadow comes back with the empty firetruck storage box instead of the ball.
STREET IN FRONT OF HOUSE – SUN IS SETTING E-5
Jack is running down the street yelling at garbage truck driver to stop as he sees the ornament hanging from the tree on the back of the truck.
INSIDE GARBAGE TRUCK CAB – SUN IS SETTING E-4
Garbage truck driver has on headphones and is rocking out to music. Keeps on driving oblivious to Jack’s screams.
STREET IN FRONT OF HOUSE – SUN IS SETTING E-7
Hank runs to street, sees why Jack is chasing the garbage truck and run past Jack but fails to catch the garbage truck. Jack disappointed in Hank again.
ACT 2
STREET IN FRONT OF HOUSE – DUSK E-8
Jack and Hank stopped running and are watching as garbage truck keeps moving farther away. Grandpa pulls up driving motorcycle sidecar with Shadow in it. Hank and Jack climb in and they take to follow the garbage truck up ahead. Wild ride as they finally catch up to garbage truck.
CLOSEUP – HANK HANGING OUT OF SIDECAR E-9
Grandpa driving sidecar catches up with garbage truck. Hank reaches out a little but not far enough to grab ornament. Truck drives off with ornament dangling from back. Jack yells at Hank.
STREET – NIGHT E-6
Jack, Hank, Grandpa and Shadow standing by parked motorcycle sidecar. Hank puts hand in pocket pulls out handheld tracking device excited thinking they have a chance to find the firetruck. But it doesn’t work. Then Jack pulls out the batteries he removed and gives them to Hank. They jump back in the sidecar this time with Hank insisting on driving. Hank is disappointed In Jack.
IN MOTORCYCLE SIDECAR – NIGHT
They ride wildly through the streets of NYC and eventually are led to the outskirts of town to the city dump.
CITY DUMP -NIGHT E-10
They are walking through the dump searching for the tree with the firetruck ornament and run into the lion on the loose with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank after many failed attempts which loosen the firetruck from his mane, uses his costume whip to back the lion into a container whose door Grandpa and Jack slam shut. Hank picks up the ornament but as Jack runs to hug him in gratitude, it gets knocked loose and the scarf Julie knitted him comes off and is lying on the ground. An owl swoops down, picks up the firetruck and flies off. Hank uses the tracker to follow the owl but forgets his cap.
MOTORCYCLE SIDECAR – NIGHT E-7
They have another wild ride back to the city until they are stopped in New Year’s traffic. The tracker loses its signal. Grandpa, Jack and Shadow decide to return home but Hank wants to walk home alone.
CITY DUMP– NIGHT E-6
Julie with news crew at dump filming where they heard on police scanner someone saw the loose lion. Julie picks up the scarf she sees lying on the ground and it looks just like the one she knitted Hank for Christmas.
ACT 3
CITY STREETS – NIGHT E-7
Hank is walking alone when the tracker starts working again. Excited Hank follows the directions on the tracker to the top of One Times Square taking back alleys. Hank spots the owl holding the ornament with the lion chasing it. He runs following the owl and the lion
ONE TIMES SQUARE – NIGHT E-7
Hank follows the owl and the lion enter One Times Square through an alley back door and follow them up the steps to the top of the building.
TOP OF ONE TIMES SQUARE – NIGHT – SNOW STARTS FALLING –E-9
At the top of the building the owl flies lands on top of the New year’s Eve Ball breaking free of the lion who stands growling at the owl. Hank whips the lion back away and jumps onto scaffolding to get closer to the New Year’s Eve ball where he sees the owl with the ornament dangling from his beak.
STEET BELOW NEW YEAR’S EVE BALL DROP – NIGHT -E-9
Julie with news crew is filming man up on scaffold. Snow is blurring camera lens so man can’t be identified. Julie doesn’t know it’s her husband. Someone yells the lion is there. Hook and ladder crew are called to rescue lion.
LIVING ROOM INTERIOR – NIGHT E-8
Jack and Grandpa are watching TV when Breaking News comes on showing man on scaffold on top of One Times Square Building. They know it’s Hank. They run to join Julie and watch in horror at Hank above the crowd. They run into Samantha and her family there.
SCAFFOLD AT ROOF OF ONE TIMES SQUARE – NIGHT E-10
Hank ties one end of the whip to the scaffold and swings out to grab the firetruck from the owl’s beak and his cap flies off falling to the ground. He knocks it loose but it drops from his hand. Regardless of what happens with the ornament, watching from below Jack is in awe of Hank.
STREET BELOW NEW YEAR’S EVE BALL DROP – NIGHT E-10
News crew films man swinging out near ball. Unbeknownst to Julie the firetruck falls in her bag. Samantha asks Jack if the cap she found belongs to Hank? Jack is about to tell Julie that it was Hank swinging about the crowd when Hank appears. Jack runs to hug him and Hank whispers not to say anything to his mom. Hank winks at Grandpa to get him to keep the secret too. Samantha silently hands Hank his cap.
LIVING ROOM INTERIOR – NIGHT E -5 Feel good
Everyone is home. In the background the TV is showing the man swinging near the New Year’s Eve Ball. Hank is Jack’s hero even without the ornament because he risked his life to retrieve the ornament. Julie finds the firetruck in her bag. Jack, Hank and Grandpa exchange glances but say how funny/odd it is. Julie smiles knowingly wondering out loud who was behind all this. Julie pulls the scarf she found at the dump and wraps it around Hank’s neck and gives him a big kiss on the cheek. Jack puts the firetruck in its ornament box.
HANK’S STUDY INTERIOR – DAYLIGHT -E 3 Happy Ending
Hank and Jack are repairing the firetruck ornament
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Rewrite Assignment 6 New Characters Introduction & Elevated Beats Version 2
Aleta Rafton’s Elevating the Beats of the Story
What I learned in the assignment is to identify the weak points and make the story more interesting
Logline: Hank, a 35 year old, timid computer specialist nerd, after becoming a stepdad to a young boy who hates him, changes to the confident heroic man he always wanted to be in the process of winning over the boy.
Revised Beat Sheet Version 2
ACT 1
JACK’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
LIVING ROOM INTERIOR – LATE AFTERNOON
Hank is applying a tracking dot to each ornament then carefully wrapping them before putting them in separate small storage containers which are then put in a larger ornament storage box.
JACK’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Jack and friend play with drone Hank gave Jack for Christmas. Jack criticizes Hank but friend thinks he might be OK since he gave Jack the drone and the computer work he does is cool. Samantha loves that Hank is always around helping while her dad is hardly home and just watches sports alone when he is home. Jack flies the drone downstairs to see what’s happening in the living room.
1. Accidentally flies too close to Hank causing him to lose his balance and fall off the ladder. Expresses concern that Hank may get hurt
2. Jack tells Samantha to watch. ‘See what wimp Hank is’ as he deliberately flies the drone too close to Jack’s head and makes him fall of the ladder
3. Samantha is disappointed in Jack because Hank may really hurt himself
LIVING ROOM INTERIOR – LATE AFTERNOON
Drone flies hear Hank’s head as he’s standing on the ladder. He stumbles off the ladder and the ornament he was holding goes flying in air which Shadow grabs before it hits the ground. Julie walks in just in time to see Hank recover and not fall to the floor not knowing that Jack drove the drone near his head and says ’Nice save!’ Grandpa praises Shadow for catching ornament.
Hank doesn’t openly blame Jack but knows he may really have tried to hurt him
1. Hank holds his anger in but Grandpa saw what happened and tells Hank be should talk to Jack
2. Julie is oblivious
LIVING ROOM STAIRS – LATE AFTERNOON
Jack with Samantha see the chaos they caused and race back to his room
HANK’S OFFICE SEEN FROM DRONE – LATE AFTERNOON
Jack is flying the drone in Hank’s office trying to prove to his friend what a nerd Hank is. He knocks over some papers. Then Jack crashes the drone into the wall.
HALLWAY OUTSIDE JACK’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Hank overhears Jack making fun of him and trash talking the drone he made for him for Christmas. Hank goes upstairs to his office to get more tracking dots and cleans up the papers off the floor the drone knocked over.
HANK’S OFFICE
Hank is fixing the drone trying to hand loosen a screw. Jack enters. Hank grabs machine oil to loosen the area explaining to Jack how useful it is. Jack tells Hank his dad could loosen that with his bare hands. Jack leaves with Shadow.
JACK’S BEDROOM
Hank returns the fixed drone and leaves. Jack is trying to open an old piggybank but can’t just by pulling. He goes to get the machine oil Hank used, applies it and opens the bank. Samantha comments that Hank knows a lot.
JACK’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Jack and his friend are chasing Shadow with the drone. Julie calls upstairs that Jack’s friend’s mom needs her home. Jack plays alone with Shadow and then picks up photo of his dad while lying on the bed and reminisces about how life used to be. Jack hears Hank in his office.
LIVING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Hank is nearly done taking off ornaments from tree. Julie nearby in kitchen calls to Jack to come downstairs to help Hank with the ornaments. Jack comes downstairs just as Hank is about to apply a tracking dot to the firetruck ornament that is his favorite. Jack yells at Hank to not touch that ornament and grabs it out of Hank’s hands, puts the tracking dot on it himself and then rehangs it on the tree. Jack sees tracking device and secretly removes batteries so it won’t work.
KITCHEN – LATE AFTERNOON
Julie calls Hank into kitchen to explain that Jack and his dad were in the midst of repairing the firetruck ornament when his dad died. Hank admits he’s failing to connect with Jack.
LIVING ROOM TV – LATE AFTERNOON
Grandpa dozing in his chair and ottoman. Breaking News comes on TV with story about escaped lion loose in NYC. They all come to watch and Julie gets call from her news station that she needs to come in to cover the lion story
Hank and Julie are now dressed as Indiana Jones and his female sidekick for a New Year’s Eve costume party they are going to later.
Distracted by TV news story about a lion loose in NYC, Julie knocks the special fire truck storage box under the table while grabbing her bag to go to the news station to work on the escaped lion story. Julie calls to Jack to come help to make sure Shadow and Grandpa are taken care of.
After the news story segment ends on TV, Hank returns to taking ornaments off the tree. Jack tells him there are no more storage boxes for ornaments and assumes all the ornaments are off the tree. Hank carries the tree out to the curb for the garbage pickup.
Jack, down from his bedroom, is playing fetch with Shadow. The ball goes under the table but Shadow comes back with the empty firetruck storage box instead of the ball.
STREET IN FRONT OF HOUSE – SUN IS SETTING
Jack is running down the street yelling at garbage truck driver to stop as he sees the ornament hanging from the tree on the back of the truck.
INSIDE GARBAGE TRUCK CAB – SUN IS SETTING
Garbage truck driver has on headphones and is rocking out to music. Keeps on driving oblivious to Jack’s screams.
STREET IN FRONT OF HOUSE – SUN IS SETTING
Hank runs to street, sees why Jack is chasing the garbage truck and run past Jack but fails to catch the garbage truck. Jack disappointed in Hank again.
ACT 2
STREET IN FRONT OF HOUSE – DUSK
Jack and Hank stopped running and are watching as garbage truck keeps moving farther away. Grandpa pulls up driving motorcycle sidecar with Shadow in it. Hank and Jack climb in and they take to follow the garbage truck up ahead. Wild ride as they finally catch up to garbage truck.
CLOSEUP – HANK HANGING OUT OF SIDECAR
Grandpa driving sidecar catches up with garbage truck. Hank reaches out a little but not far enough to grab ornament. Truck drives off with ornament dangling from back. Jack yells at Hank.
STREET – NIGHT
Jack, Hank, Grandpa and Shadow standing by parked motorcycle sidecar. Hank puts hand in pocket pulls out handheld tracking device excited thinking they have a chance to find the firetruck. But it doesn’t work. Then Jack pulls out the batteries he removed and gives them to Hank. They jump back in the sidecar this time with Hank insisting on driving. Hank is disappointed In Jack.
IN MOTORCYCLE SIDECAR – NIGHT
They ride wildly through the streets of NYC and eventually are led to the outskirts of town to the city dump.
CITY DUMP -NIGHT
They are walking through the dump searching for the tree with the firetruck ornament and run into the lion on the loose with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank after many failed attempts which loosen the firetruck from his mane, uses his costume whip to back the lion into a container whose door Grandpa and Jack slam shut. Hank picks up the ornament but as Jack runs to hug him in gratitude, it gets knocked loose and the scarf Julie knitted him comes off and is lying on the ground. An owl swoops down, picks up the firetruck and flies off. Hank uses the tracker to follow the owl but forgets his scarf.
Revised scene
CITY DUMP – NIGHT
They are walking through the dump searching for the tree with the firetruck ornament and run into the lion on the loose with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank after many failed attempts to loosen the firetruck from his mane, uses his costume whip to back up the lion. The scarf Julie had knitted Hank for Christmas gets tangled in the whip and pulls it to the ground as Hank is about the get the lion in the cage giving an owl time to swoop down and grab the ornament. The ornament tangled in the ribbon is still attached to the lion. The owl flies off with ornament hanging from its beak and the lion chasing the owl.
MOTORCYCLE SIDECAR – NIGHT
Hank using the tracker runs back through the dump to the side car to follow the owl. Jack and Grandpa follow Hank to the sidecar. Grandpa calls police anonymously about loose lion being seen at dump
CITY DUMP – NIGHT
Julie and news team hear on scanner about lion at dump and arrive to film it. They search for the lion but only find a scarf that Julie thinks looks exactly like the one she knitted Hank for Christmas.
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MOTORCYCLE SIDECAR – NIGHT
They have another wild ride back to the city until they are stopped in New Year’s Eve traffic. The tracker loses its signal. Grandpa, Jack with Shadow decide to return home but Hank wants to walk home alone.
TV NEWSROOM INTERIOR – NIGHT
Julie with news crew at dump filming once loose lion now trapped in container by anonymous caller to police. Julie picks up the scarf she sees lying on the ground and it looks just like the one she knitted Hank for Christmas.
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ACT 3
CITY STREETS – NIGHT
Hank is walking alone when the tracker starts working again. Excited Hank follows the directions on the tracker to the top of One Times Square taking back alleys. Hank spots the owl holding the ornament with the lion chasing it. He runs following the owl and the lion
ONE TIMES SQUARE – NIGHT
Hank follows the owl and the lion enter One Times Square through an alley back door and follow them up the steps to the top of the building.
TOP OF ONE TIMES SQUARE – NIGHT – SNOW STARTS FALLING
At the top of the building the owl flies lands on top of the New year’s Eve Ball breaking free of the lion who stands growling at the owl. Hank whips the lion back away and jumps onto scaffolding to get closer to the New Year’s Eve ball where he sees the owl with the ornament dangling from his beak.
STEET BELOW NEW YEAR’S EVE BALL DROP – NIGHT
Julie with news crew is filming man up on scaffold. Snow is blurring camera lens so man can’t be identified. Julie doesn’t know it’s her husband. Someone yells the lion is there. Hook and ladder crew are called to rescue lion.
LIVING ROOM INTERIOR – NIGHT
Jack and Grandpa are watching TV when Breaking News comes on showing a lion on the New Year’s Eve Ball and a man on the scaffold fold on top of One Times Square Building. They know it’s Hank. They run to join Julie and watch in horror at Hank above the crowd. They run into Samantha and her family there. Samantha asks Jack if the cap she found belongs to Hank?
SCAFFOLD AT ROOF OF ONE TIMES SQUARE – NIGHT
Hank ties one end of the whip to the scaffold and swings out to grab the firetruck from the owl’s beak. He knocks it loose but it drops from his hand. Regardless of what happens, watching from below Jack is in awe of Hank.
STREET BELOW NEW YEAR’S EVE BALL DROP – NIGHT
News crew films man swinging out near ball. Unbeknownst to Julie the firetruck falls in her bag. Jack is about to tell Julie that it was Hank swinging about the crowd when Hank appears. Jack runs to hug him and Hank whispers not to say anything to his mom. Hank winks at Grandpa to get him to keep the secret too. Samantha silently hands Hank his cap.
LIVING ROOM INTERIOR – NIGHT
Everyone is home. In the background the TV is showing the man swinging near the New Year’s Eve Ball. Hank is Jack’s hero even without the ornament because he risked his life to retrieve the ornament. Julie finds the firetruck in her bag. Jack, Hank and Grandpa exchange glances but say how funny/odd it is. Julie smiles knowingly wondering out loud who was behind all this. Julie pulls the scarf she found at the dump and wraps it around Hank’s neck and gives him a big kiss on the cheek. Jack puts the firetruck in its ornament box.
HANK’S STUDY INTERIOR – DAYLIGHT
Hank and Jack are repairing the firetruck ornament
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Rewrite Assignment 5
Aleta Rafton’s Elevated Character Stories
I learned to add complexity to each character in the context of the story. It made them and the story more interesting.
Hank – Protagonist
Core Character Traits: very smart, nerdy, clumsy, persistent, kind, caring, fearful, cautious
Character Subtext Logline: 35 years old, nerdy, awkward, clumsy, overly cautious, super smart computer scientist, sincere, always does the right thing, secretly wishes he was athletic, confident adventurous like his hero Indiana Jones, his persistence makes him successful
Character’s Beginning Middle End:
Hank starts of as nerdy, smart but clumsy, timid man and in the process of trying to please Jack becomes a hero
Beats:
Hank is taking ornaments of the Christmas tree, carefully bubble wrapping them and storing them in individual boxes.
Hank gives Jack a drone for Christmas but overhears him making fun of him
Hank goes on a quest to retrieve the forgotten ornament with Jack and Grandpa
While dangling from the edge of the motorcycle sidecar, Hank reaches to grab forgotten ornament off tree in back of garbage truck buts chickens out and fails to grab it
Hank fights off loose lion and nearly recovers ornament but fails again when owl swoops it up and flies off
Hank goes to top of One Times Square and swings out to grab ornament from owl but drops it.
His heroic risk changes how he sees himself and he becomes a hero to Jack
Improvement Area:
Hank hears jack say the drone was a lame gift and that he wishes Hank wasn’t around
Jack – Antagonist
Core Character Traits: smart with computers, very athletic, angry at new stepdad, wants stepdad gone so he ridicules him, undermines him sabotages his efforts secretly, secretly likes lots about Hank
Character Subtext Logline: 9 years old, firefighter father died fighting a fire when he was 6 who is undermining his stepdad in an effort to get rid of him
Character’s Beginning Middle End:
Jack starts out disliking Hank and wanting to make his mom see him as a loser and dump him but after a series of events he realizes Hank is just as much a hero as his real dad.
Beats:
Jack ridicules Hank’s ideas and clumsiness
Jack tells Hank all the ornaments are off tree and creates the problem
Jack starts to see Hank as on his side when he helps him try to retrieve his favorite ornament forgotten on the tree and picked up by garbage truck
Hank fails to grab ornament so Jack he was right and Hank is a loser
Jack watches Hank risks his life to make him happy and realizes he’s a real hero
Jack asks Hank to help him complete a project
Improvement Area:
Jack tells Hank that all the ornaments are off tree so it can be put curbside for garbage truck and creates the problem and needs Hank’s help
Grandpa – Connecting role between Jack and Hank
Role: Connecting character
Core Character traits: happy, peacemaker, likes to poke fun at Hank, brave, carefree, risk taker
Character Subtext Logline: Grandpa sometimes joins Jack in laughing at Hank but other times defends Hank.
Character’s Beginning Middle End:
Beats:
Observes all the household activity.
Laughs with Jack over Hank’s clumsiness
Drives motorcycle sidecar wildly through the city to start the rescue mission coming dangerously close to the garbage truck so Hank can grab the ornament hanging off the back of the truck
Closes door with Jack trapping lion in container
Calls police to let them know loose lion is trapped and city is safe but hangs up without identifying himself
After second defeat takes Jack home
Watching breaking news and rushes with Jack to One Times Square realizing it’s Hank on the top of the building.
Keeps secret of what really happened with Jack and Hank from Julie
Openly likes and admires Hank
Improvement Area:
Amplify him joining Jack in laughing at Hank then amplify his newfound admiration for Hank
Julie – Jack’s mom – Supporting role to Hank
Role: Supporting to Hank
Core Character traits: Kind, supportive, not totally aware, optimistic but naïve
Flaw: Often so busy she’s oblivious
Character Subtext Logline: Julie works hard but works to put family first
Character’s Beginning Middle End:
Julie begins the story so busy she’s oblivious to a lot of what is going on in the house but by the end she becomes more aware
Beats
Compliments Hank of his effort taking ornaments off tree
Works at keeping Hank from getting too discouraged about his relationship with Jack
Knocks the firetruck ornament box off the table without realizing that she did which leads to the chain of events that follow
Julie sees in the footage of the garbage dump where lion is in container what looks lie hanks scarf she knitted him.
At One Times Square Julie notices a cap that looks like Hanks. She wonders if it belongs to Hank.
When she finds the ornament in her bag after they arrive home she knows what really happened
Improvement Area:
Julie wants to work less and be more involved and less oblivious. She shows Hank his hat and kerchief when they are alone in the kitchen after she finds the ornament in her bag. Says to him only “I think you lost these” and walks away/
Samantha- Jack’s friend – Supporting role to Jack
Role: Best friend to Jack
Core Character traits: fun loving, observant, optimistic, fair minded, sees good in Hank
Character Subtext Logline: Samantha is ignored by her busy parents and likes Jack and his family because they make her feel wanted. Samantha’s dad is not reliable like Hank so she tries to help Jack see Hank’s good.
Character’s Beginning Middle End:
Samantha is disappointed in her family life but takes action to change that by insisting they go as a family to see the New Year’s Eve ball drop at One Times Square which brings them all closer together.
Beats:
Samantha defends Hank to Jack because she thinks he’s smart, has a cool job and is involved in Jack’s life.
Improvement Area:
She tells Jack she convinced her parents to go to One Times Square to see the New Year’s Eve ball drop and plan a family vacation.
She runs into Jack and his family there.
Samantha finds Hank’s hat. Thinking Hank is with Jack and Grandpa, gives it to Julie.
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Assignment 3
Aleta Rafton’s Elevating the Beats of the Story
What I learned in the assignment is to identify the weak points and make the story more interesting
Logline: Hank, a 35 year old, timid computer specialist nerd, after becoming a stepdad to a young boy who hates him, changes to the confident heroic man he always wanted to be in the process of winning over the boy.
Revised Beat Sheet
ACT 1
1.LIVING ROOM INTERIOR – LATE AFTERNOON
Hank is applying a tracking dot to each ornament then carefully wrapping them before putting them in separate small storage containers which are then put in a larger ornament storage box. Jack is annoyed and mumbling under his breath which makes Grandpa smile in agreement. Jack’s friend comes over and they go upstairs
2. JACK’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Jack and friend play with drone Hank gave Jack for Christmas. Jack criticizes Hank but friend thinks he might be OK since he gave Jack the drone and computer work he does is cool.
3. HANKS OFFICE SEEN FROM DRONE – LATE AFTERNOON
Jack is flying the drone in Hank’s office trying to prove to his friend what a nerd Hank is. He knocks over some papers. Jack crashes drone in the office.
4. JACK’S BEDROOM
By crashing the drone Jack tries to prove to his friend that Hank is a loser because the drone doesn’t work that well.
4. HALLWAY OUTSIDE JACK’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Hank overhears Jack making fun of him and trash talking the drone he made for him for Christmas.5. HANK’S OFFICE – LATE AFTERNOON
Hank goes upstairs to his office to get more tracking dots and cleans up the papers off the floor the drone knocked over. Sees the crashed drone, starts fixing it.
HANK’S OFFICE
Hank is fixing the drone trying to hand loosen a screw. Jack enters. Hank grabs machine oil to loosen the area explaining to Jack how useful it is. Jack tells Hank his dad could loosen that with his bare hands. Jack leaves with Shadow.
JACK’S BEDROOM
Hank returns the fixed drone and leaves. Jack is trying to open an old piggybank but can’t just by pulling. He goes to get the machine oil Hank used, applies it and opens the bank. His friend comments that Hank knows a lot.
6. JACK’S BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Jack and his friend are chasing Shadow with the drone. Julie calls upstairs that Jack’s friend’s mom needs him home. Jack plays alone with Shadow and then picks up photo of his dad while lying on the bed and reminisces about how life used to be. Jack hears Hank in his office.
7. LIVING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
Hank is nearly done taking off ornaments from tree. Julie nearby in kitchen calls to Jack to come downstairs to help Hank with the ornaments. Jack comes downstairs just as Hank is about to apply a tracking dot to the firetruck ornament that is his favorite. Jack yells at Hank to not touch that ornament and grabs it out of Hank’s hands, puts the tracking dot on it himself and then rehangs it on the tree. Jack sees tracking device and secretly removes batteries so it won’t work.
Jack storms back up to his bedroom.
8. KITCHEN – LATE AFTERNOON
Julie calls Hank into kitchen to explain that Jack and his dad were in the midst of repairing the firetruck ornament when his dad died. Hank admits he’s failing to connect with Jack.
9. LIVING ROOM TV – LATE AFTERNOON
Grandpa dozing in his chair and ottoman. Breaking News comes on TV with story about escaped lion loose in NYC. They all come to watch and Julie gets call from her news station that she needs to come in to cover the lion story
Hank and Julie are now dressed as Indiana Jones and his female sidekick for a New Year’s Eve costume party they are going to later.
Distracted by TV news story about a lion loose in NYC, Julie knocks the special fire truck storage box under the table while grabbing her bag to go to the news station to work on the escaped lion story. Julie calls to Jack to come help to make sure Shadow and Grandpa are taken care of.
After the news story segment ends on TV, Hank returns to taking ornaments off the tree. Jack tells him there are no more storage boxes for ornaments and assumes all the ornaments are off the tree. Hank carries the tree out to the curb for the garbage pickup.
Jack, down from his bedroom, is playing fetch with Shadow. The ball goes under the table but Shadow comes back with the empty firetruck storage box instead of the ball.
10. STREET IN FRONT OF HOUSE – SUN IS SETTING
Jack is running down the street yelling at garbage truck driver to stop as he sees the ornament hanging from the tree on the back of the truck.
11. INSIDE GARBAGE TRUCK CAB – SUN IS SETTING
Garbage truck driver has on headphones and is rocking out to music. Keeps on driving oblivious to Jack’s screams.
12. STREET IN FRONT OF HOUSE – SUN IS SETTING
Hank runs to street, sees why Jack is chasing the garbage truck and run past Jack but fails to catch the garbage truck. Jack disappointed in Hank again.
ACT 2
1. STREET IN FRONT OF HOUSE – DUSK
Jack and Hank stopped running and are watching as garbage truck keeps moving farther away. Grandpa pulls up driving motorcycle sidecar with Shadow in it. Hank and Jack climb in and they take to follow the garbage truck up ahead. Wild ride as they finally catch up to garbage truck.
1. CLOSEUP – HANK HANGING OUT OF SIDECAR
Grandpa driving sidecar catches up with garbage truck. Hank reaches out a little but not far enough to grab ornament. Truck drives off with ornament dangling from back. Jack yells at Hank.
2. STREET – NIGHT
Jack, Hank, Grandpa and Shadow standing by parked motorcycle sidecar. Hank puts hand in pocket pulls out handheld tracking device excited thinking they have a chance to find the firetruck. But it doesn’t work. Then Jack pulls out the batteries he removed and gives them to Hank. They jump back in the sidecar this time with Hank insisting on driving. Hank is disappointed In Jack.
3. IN MOTORCYCLE SIDECAR – NIGHT
They ride wildly through the streets of NYC and eventually are led to the outskirts of town to the city dump.
4. CITY DUMP -NIGHT
They are walking through the dump searching for the tree with the firetruck ornament and run into the lion on the loose with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank after many failed attempts which loosen the firetruck from his mane, uses his costume whip to back the lion into a container whose door Grandpa and Jack slam shut. Hank picks up the ornament but as Jack runs to hug him in gratitude, it gets knocked loose. An owl swoops down, picks up the firetruck and flies off. Hank uses the tracker to follow the owl.
5. MOTORCYCLE SIDECAR – NIGHT
They have another wild ride back to the city until they are stopped in New Year’s traffic. The tracker loses its signal. Grandpa, Jack, Shadow decide to return home but Hank wants to walk home alone.
6. TV NEWSROOM INTERIOR – NIGHT
Julie working at newsroom showing clip of loose lion now trapped in container by anonymous caller to police
ACT 3
1. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
Hank is walking alone when the tracker starts working again. Excited Hank follows the directions on the tracker to the top of One Times Square
2. TOP OF ONE TIMES SQUARE – NIGHT
Hank jumps onto scaffolding to get closer to the New Year’s Eve ball where he sees the owl with the ornament dangling from his beak.
3. STEET BELOW NEW YEAR’S EVE BALL DROP – NIGHT
Julie with news crew is filming man up on scaffold. Snow is blurring camera lens so man can’t be identified. Julie doesn’t know it’s her husband
4. LIVING ROOM INTERIOR – NIGHT
Jack and Grandpa are watching TV when Breaking News comes on showing man on scaffold on top of One Times Square Building. They know it’s Hank. They run to join Julie and watch in horror at Hank above the crowd.
5. SCAFFOLD AT ROOF OF ONE TIMES SQUARE – NIGHT
Hank ties one end of the whip to the scaffold and swings out to grab the firetruck from the owl’s beak. He knocks it loose but it drops from his hand. Regardless of what happens, watching from below Jack is in awe of Hank.
6. STREET BELOW NEW YEAR’S EVE BALL DROP – NIGHT
News crew films man swinging out near ball. Unbeknownst to Julie the firetruck falls in her bag. Jack is about to tell Julie that it was hank swinging about the crowd when hank Appears. Jack runs to hug him and Hank whispers not to say anything to his mom. Hank winks at Grandpa to get him to keep the secret too.
7. LIVING ROOM INTERIOR – NIGHT
Everyone is home. In the background the TV is showing the man swinging near the New Year’s Eve Ball. Hank is Jack’s hero even without the ornament because he risked his life to retrieve the ornament. Julie finds the firetruck in her bag. Jack, Hank and Grandpa exchange glances but say how funny it is. Jack puts the firetruck in its ornament box.
8. HANK’S STUDY INTERIOR – DAYLIGHT
Hank and Jack are repairing the firetruck ornament
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Assignment 2
Aleta Rafton’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that by changing cliché the story becomes unpredictable with more emotional highs and lows. I feel like I could keep rewriting forever.
Logline: Hank, a 35 year old, timid computer specialist nerd, after becoming a stepdad to a young boy who hates him, changes to the confident heroic man he always wanted to be in the process of winning over the boy.
Main Conflict
1.Opening: Hank is removing ornaments from Christmas Tree
2. Inciting Incident: Hank touches firetruck and Jack snaps at him
3.The movie is about: Conflict Hank vs Jack
4. First turning point end Act 1: Garbage truck picks up tree with ornament
5. Mid-point: Hank goes on mission to retrieve ornament
6. Second turning point: Owl picks up ornament flies off
7. Crisis: Owl with ornament on top of NYC New Year’s Eve ball
8. Climax: Hank uses whip to swing out to grab ornament from owl
9. Resolution: Hank becomes hero to Jack because he risked his life to retrieve the ornament.
Revised Main Conflict Version 1:
1.Opening:Hank is removing ornaments from the Christmas Tree putting location tracker dots on each one as he takes them off the tree. Being overly cautious he created a device to prevent losing anything.
2. Inciting Incident:
Hank was putting a location tracker dot on the firetruck ornament and Jack snaps at him not to touch it, grabs the truck and applies the tracker dot then puts the truck back on the tree. It’s Jack’s favorite ornament that his dad gave him years ago. Jack and his dad were in the process of repairing it, touching up the paint etc, when his dad suddenly died so they never finished.
3. The movie is about: Conflict between Hank and Jack
There is a scene in Jack’s bedroom where he’s criticizing Hank to his friend for being a nerd, spending hours playing a stupid Indiana Jones video game and then snoops around his office using the drone Hank gave him for Christmas.
Hank is talking to Julie about how hard he tries to befriend Jack but nothing works
4. First turning point end Act 1: I’m not sure how to pick a turning point
Hank and Julie are dressed as Indiana Jones and his female sidekick for a New Year’s Eve costume party they are going to
Distracted by TV news story about a lion loose in NYC, Julie (mom) knocks the special fire truck storage box under the table while grabbing her bag to go to the news station to work on the escaped lion story.
After the news story segment ends on TV, Hank returns to taking ornaments off the tree. Hank sees there are no more storage boxes for ornaments and assumes all the ornaments are off the tree. He carries the tree out to the curb for the garbage pickup.
Jack, down from his bedroom, is playing fetch with Shadow (dog). The ball goes under the table but Shadow comes back with the empty firetruck storage box instead of the ball.
Jack realizes his firetruck is missing and runs out to the street to see the garbage truck driving away with the ornament dangling from the tree on the back of the truck.
Jack chases the garbage truck screaming at the driver to stop.
Hank heard Jack scream and runs out to see Jack chasing the garbage truck
5. Mid-point:
Jack yells at Hank who feels terrible and runs after the garbage truck.
Grandpa pulls up driving a sidecar with Shadow riding in it. Jack and Hank jump in.
They chase the garbage truck. Grandpa pulls up alongside the garbage truck. Hank tries to grab ornament off the tree but misses.
They lose sight of the garbage truck.
Hank reaches in pocket and finds his tracking keypad. Now they follow the navigation on the tracker showing where the ornament is going.
Tracker leads them to the city dump where they confront the escaped lion with the firetruck hanging from his mane. Hank uses his costume whip and whip training he learned from playing the Indiana Jones video game to trap the lion in a container.
6. Second turning point:
Hank grabs the ornament off the ground. Jack runs to hug him, knocking the ornament loose. An owl swoops in, grabs the ornament and flies off with the ornament hanging from its beak.
Hank starts to blame Jack but stops.
They all jump back in the sidecar following the navigation to One Times Square.
7. Crisis:
Hank and Jack run to the top of the building, find the owl with the ornament hanging from its beak.
Owl with ornament on top of NYC New Year’s Eve ball. Julie goes to One Times Square with the news crew to cover the story about a man and boy up there not knowing it’s her husband and son because falling snow fogs up the TV camera lens so the image is blurry of man and boy up on a scaffold.
8. Climax:
Hank uses whip to swing out to grab ornament from owl but the ornament falls to the ground. Jack helps Hank back to the scaffold.
Unbeknownst to anyone, the firetruck actually falls into Julie’s bag.
9. Resolution:
Hank becomes hero to Jack because he risked his life to retrieve the ornament. They make a pact to not tell Julie about their adventure.
Finally home, Julie finds the ornament in her handbag. She thinks it was there all along before she left for work.
Jack asks Hank to help him restore the firetruck
___________________________________________________________________
Revised Main Conflict version 2:
1.Opening:Hank is removing ornaments from the Christmas Tree putting location tracker dots on each one as he takes them off the tree. Being overly cautious he created a tracking device to prevent losing anything.
2. Inciting Incident:
Hank was putting a location tracker dot on the firetruck ornament and Jack snaps at him not to touch it, grabs the truck and applies the tracker dot then puts the truck back on the tree. It’s Jack’s favorite ornament that his dad gave him years ago. Jack and his dad were in the process of repairing it, touching up the paint etc, when his dad suddenly died so they never finished.
3. The movie is about: Conflict between Hank and Jack
There is a scene in Jack’s bedroom where he’s criticizing Hank to his friend for being a nerd, spending hours playing a stupid Indiana Jones video game and then snoops around his office using the drone Hank gave him for Christmas.
Hank is talking to Julie about how hard he tries to befriend Jack but nothing works
4. First turning point end Act 1: I’m not sure how to pick a turning point
Hank and Julie are dressed as Indiana Jones and his female sidekick for a New Year’s Eve costume party they are going to
Distracted by TV news story about a lion loose in NYC, Julie (mom) knocks the special fire truck storage box under the table while grabbing her bag to go to the news station to work on the escaped lion story.
After the news story segment ends on TV, Julie asks Jack to finish taking ornaments off the tree. Jack sees there are no more storage boxes for ornaments and assumes all the ornaments are off the tree. He carries the tree out to the curb for the garbage pickup.
Jack, down from his bedroom, is playing fetch with Shadow (dog). The ball goes under the table but Shadow comes back with the empty firetruck storage box instead of the ball.
Jack realizes his firetruck is missing and runs out to the street to see the garbage truck driving away with the ornament dangling from the tree on the back of the truck.
Jack chases the garbage truck screaming at the driver to stop.
Hank heard Jack scream and runs out to see Jack chasing the garbage truck
5. Mid-point:
Jack is berating himself for losing the firetruck. Hank who feels terrible for Jack runs after the garbage truck. Jack is grateful Hank is helping him.
Grandpa pulls up driving a sidecar with Shadow riding in it. Jack and Hank jump in.
They chase the garbage truck. Grandpa pulls up alongside the garbage truck. Hank is timidly hanging out of the sidecar trying to grab the firetruck from the back of the garbage truck. He just doesn’t have the courage to reach a little farther and he misses. Jack is disappointed in Hank because his action confirmed he’s a coward.
They lose sight of the garbage truck. They are standing outside the sidecar defeated.
Hank reaches in pocket and us excited when he finds his tracking keypad but it doesn’t light up.
Jack hands him the batteries he removed at home because he wanted to show his mom the tracker didn’t work and that Hank is a loser.
Hank is angry as they ride together in silence following the tracker to the city dump.
6. Second turning point:
At the dump, angry that they are always against him Hank grabs the tracker and storms off alone to find the ornament where he confronts the escaped lion with the firetruck hanging from his mane. Hank uses his costume whip and whip training he learned from playing the Indiana Jones video game to trap the lion in a container. Grandpa and jack arrive just in time to slam the container door shut.
Third turning point:
Hank grabs the ornament off the ground. Jack runs to hug him, knocking the ornament loose. An owl swoops in, grabs the ornament and flies off with the ornament hanging from its beak.
Hank starts to blame Jack but stops.
They all jump back in the sidecar following the navigation to One Times Square.
7. Crisis:
Hank and Jack run to the top of the building, find the owl with the ornament hanging from its beak.
Owl with ornament on top of NYC New Year’s Eve ball. Julie goes to One Times Square with the news crew to cover the story about a man and boy up there not knowing it’s her husband and son because falling snow fogs up the TV camera lens so the image is blurry of the man and boy up on a scaffold.
8. Climax:
Hank uses his whip to swing out to grab the ornament from the owl but the ornament falls to the ground. Jack helps Hank back to the scaffold.
Defeated they return home.
Unbeknownst to anyone, the firetruck actually falls into Julie’s bag.
9. Resolution:
Hank becomes hero to Jack because he risked his life to retrieve the ornament. They make a pact to not tell Julie about their adventure.
Finally home, Julie finds the ornament in her handbag. She thinks it was there all along before she left for work.
Jack asks Hank to help him restore the firetruck
______________________________________________________________________
Revised Main Conflict version 2:
Third turning point:
Hank grabs the ornament off the ground. Jack runs to hug him, knocking the ornament loose. An owl swoops in, grabs the ornament and flies off with the ornament hanging from its beak.
Jack screams in horror at what he’s done!
They all jump back in the sidecar following the navigation but it soon stops working. After a time they Grandpa decides to go home with Jack but Hank wants to walk home alone. They separate.
Grandpa and Jack go home and watch New Year’s Show getting ready for the ball drop.
Hank is walking slowly along when suddenly the tracker starts working and Hank runs following the navigation to One Times Square seeing the owl on top of the New Year’s Eve Ball that’s about to drop.
7. Crisis:
Hank runs to the top of the building, finds the owl with the ornament hanging from its beak.
Julie goes to One Times Square with the news crew to cover the story about a man up there not knowing it’s her husband because falling snow fogs up the TV camera lens so the image is blurry of the man up on a scaffold.
Jack and Grandpa see on news the story but they know who it is. They run to Julie covering the story to tell her. They all watch terrified when Hank swings out to retrieve the ornament.
8. Climax:
Hank uses his whip to swing out to grab the ornament from the owl but the ornament falls toward the ground.
Defeated he returns home.
Unbeknownst to anyone, the firetruck actually falls into Julie’s bag.
9. Resolution:
Hank becomes hero to Jack even though he doesn’t have the ornament because he risked his life to retrieve the ornament.
Julie finds the ornament in her handbag.
Jack asks Hank to help him restore the firetruck
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Rewrite Assignment 1: The Forgotten Ornament (Animated film)
Aleta Rafton’s Log Line and One Page
What I learned in this assignment is how to write a log line and compress the story just to the main elements.
Log Line: Hank, a 35 year old timid computer specialist nerd, after becoming a stepdad to a young boy who hates him changes to the confident heroic man he always wanted to be in the process of winning over the boy.
Basic Plot
Hank is taking ornaments off the Christmas Tree
Julie and Hank are going to New Year’s Eve Costume Party dressed as Indiana Jones and his female sidekick
Julie gets called to work at news station to cover story of lion on loose in NYC.
Hank mistakenly throws out Jack’s favorite ornament, a firetruck, one his real dad gave him that they were working on to repair and make it personal before he died
Hank is determined to find the ornament forgotten on the Christmas tree he threw out for the garbage truck pickup
Hank breaks out of his comfort zone to the extreme to recover the ornament. They go on a wild adventure to recover the firetruck ornament. Capture lion and retrieve firetruck from top of New Year’s Eve Ball at One Time Square
Hank takes chances, breaks laws and does things he’s only fantasized about even risking his life to recover the firetruck and make Jack happy.
Hank recovers the firetruck and becomes a hero to Jack
Jack sees how unfair he has been to Hank, lets down the wall he’s put up between himself
Julie covers story of lion being captured in container and a man swinging in the air near the New Year’s Eve Ball never knowing the mystery people involved are Hank and Jack
Hank and Jack return home. They swear to secrecy knowing Julie would be really upset with them if she knew the truth
Julie arrives later and never knows they were the news story
Jack invites Hank to help him finish project of repairing the firetruck that he started with his dad
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Assignment 25
Aleta Rafton’s Solving Structure Problems
Character Names
Stepdad- Hank
Mom- Julie
Boy- Jack
Dog – Shadow
Firefighter dad – Elliott
ACT 1
Interior Living room with Christmas Tree, TV Christmas show on, New Year’s Eve
Opening Scene: Closeup on hands of Stepdad applying tracking device locator he invented and then extremely carefully wrapping each ornament in bubble wrap and placing in storage box. Moves on to next ornament. Christmas music playing on TV show.
Widens scene to see grandpa asleep in chair watching Christmas movie. Mom is packing away ornaments in small boxes before putting them in large storage containers. Stepdad on ladder taking ornaments off tree and carefully wrapping them after applying tracker disc. Tells stepdad how much she appreciates him helping take ornaments off the tree. He mentions how much he hopes Jack likes the drone and maybe he’ll start to like him too. She mentions they need to get changed soon for the costume party.
Hank climbs down from ladder walks over to table with little boxes for ornaments, tracker dots. He carefully applies tracker dot to a discreet spot on one ornament at a time and then meticulously double wraps each ornament in bubble wrap.
Hank
Uh, I may need more bubble wrap.
(Hank almost falls over the dog as he gets off the ladder)
Hank
Oops! I’m ok. I’m ok.
Jack (under his breath)
What a klutz!
Julie
No problem. I have lots more in the kitchen. You are doing the best job packing the ornaments up. They’ve never been treated so well! This is the best Christmas ever!
Jack
(Mutters) What a loser! Overwrapping everything. My dad would never waste so much time….
Grandpa (mutters)
Yeah, I know
Jack (says out loud)
Forgot something upstairs (leaves room, runs upstairs)
Hank
I feel like I’m losing with him. I try so hard but I don’t hold a candle next to his memory of his dad. I’m nothing like him. I really hoped he’d love the drone I gave him for Christmas and start to maybe like me.
Julie
Give him time. It will get better. You’re just really different from his dad but that’s what I love about you!
(Julie glances over at grandpa asleep)
I hope my dad is up for watching Jack when we go out and it’s not too much for him.
Scene 2 Jack’s bedroom on call with friend, flying drone in room showing friend on zoom, window open, Christmas music in background. Shadow is lying on bed
Friend
Jack that drone is sooo cool! Your stepdad is the best.
Jack
No! He’s the biggest nerd all the time but the drone is cool. He worries about everything! Always uptight, afraid everything will go wrong. So annoying! Ugh I can’t stand him! He thinks he’s so smart and can control everything. But he’s so wimpy. He spends all his time on the computer! He’s even made this weird tracking device and he’s putting tracking dots all over everything in the house. Such a nerd. Complete opposite of my dad!
Friend
He seems nice enough. Well at least you have the drone.
Jack
Other than that, this was the worst Christmas ever!
(Jack is flying the drone to hover close to Shadow who starts chasing it around the room jumping all over things but always just missing catching it)
Friend
This is hilarious! Your dog is just going crazy. I want one of these to play with my cat!
Jack
I know! Shadow loves this! He can play for hours. Here I’ll take it to Hank’s office and you can see how weird he is.
(Drone is flying around Hank’s desk. Wind knocks some papers on the floor. The office is filled with books and computers and 3 monitors)
Friend
Wow! What’s he do in there? It’s like a mad scientist!
Jack
He is a mad scientist. A weird mad scientist! BORING!
Friend
I think it’s kind of cool. Really he’s not that bad.
Jack
Yeah. Well, you don’t have to live with him. I just want things to go back like they were before..
Friend
I get it but Hank really tries hard.
Jack
I know
Friend
May you could have him help you with your app. Probably be really easy for him.
(You hear his phone ring and it’s his mother calling him)
Got to go. My mom’s calling me
Jack
See you.
(Jack shuts down zoom call, keeps flying drone around room, then hears garbage truck through open window, stops drone and goes to look out window with Shadow to see the truck picking up discarded Christmas trees on the opposite side of the street, trees haven’t been picked on his side of street yet. Leaves the window and picks up bedside photo of him with his dad holding the firetruck ornament from their last Christmas together 4 years ago. Stares at it remembering his dad. Climbs on the bed and dog jumps up to lay beside him. Shadow licks Jack’s face and Jack hugs Shadow)
Shadow
Barks at garbage truck
Jack
You’re the best!
(Jack jumps up and starts playing fetch with the dog tossing a dog toy around the room)
Scene 3
Living Room Living Room, Hank still removing ornaments, tagging with tracker and double wrapping ornaments. Hank and Julie now dressed for costume New Year’s Eve Party with Hank as Indians Jones with whip and Julie as his female sidekick. Grandpa half asleep watching Christmas show on TV
Hank
(singing) Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree…
Julie
Jack! We need you to come down here. We’ll be leaving soon.
(Jack comes downstairs into living room with Shadow and throws a dog toy onto sleeping grandpa by mistake. Shadow jumps on him to get toy and licks his face waking him up)
Jack
Still at it, Hank? You just might finish by next Christmas! If ever (under his breath) Ok Mom. What’s up?
Grandpa (chuckles)
Maybe not!
Julie
Hey. I need you to help grandpa with the dishes after dinner. Make sure he takes his meds and let Shadow out before you go to bed. OK? I’m going to fix your dinners right now.
( Julie goes to the kitchen)
Jack
Sure Mom, no problem. Wow, Mom, Hank seems really to be struggling with the ornaments. Is he ok? (Jack goes to help Hank take ornaments down)
Hank
Hey Jack. How’s the drone?
Jack
It’s ok.
Hank
I thought you’d really like it.
(Hank reaches for the firetruck ornament and Jack screams and Hank jumps back)
Jack
Don’t touch that! That’s mine. What’s the matter with you? (Jack applies tracking dot to it while it’s hanging on tree)
Scene 4 Kitchen
(Julie calls Hank to kitchen)
Julie
Hank can you reach this for me?
Hank
What was that about?
Julie
That’s the last Christmas gift from his dad. That firetruck means a lot to him
Hank
Sorry. No wonder he’s so upset. I feel like I can’t do anything right! I’m at my wits end!
Scene 5 Living room
(To undermine Hank’s relationship with mom, when no one is looking Jack deliberately breaks an ornament Hank had carefully wrapped to prove his overwrapping is stupid. Julie and Hank come back into living room to keep removing ornaments and packing them away.)
Jack
Hey, one of the ornaments broke! Guess all your wrapping didn’t help did it? Kind a waste of time, huh?
Hank
Hmm. Wonder how that happened (obviously suspicious of how it broke)
Julie
Oh, that’s a shame but it’s so great that you’re being so careful with all these. Some are from when I was a kid! (she kisses Hank on the cheek while Jack watches and makes a face. Hank smiles at Julie making an effort to ignore Jack’s faces and comments)
(Jack eyes the tracking device controller on table and while everyone is busy, he secretly removes the batteries from the device so it won’t work and puts them in his pocket.He calls out to Hank to prove his device works.)
Jack
Hey Hank, does this thing really work? Let’s see…
(Hank grabs the device to turn it on but BREAKING NEWS comes on TV so he puts it in his pocket. Julie turns to watch the TV and unknowingly knocks the small box that the firetruck ornament belongs in under the table. They all stop what they are doing, move over closer to the tv to watch the story about the escaped lion which was formerly a trained circus lion for a few minutes.)
Grandpa
Wow. Well Look at that!
Julie
Might be kind of a big deal
Hank
How are they ever going to catch an escaped lion? Way to start the new year!
(Julie’s cell rings. It’s a frantic call from the local news studio where she is a producer)
Julie
Can’t believe this. They want me to come in right now! I promise I’ll be back for the party. I’ll just have to meet you there. I promise! Sorry guys. Be good Jack. Bye. Thanks, Hank for understanding.
(Julie gives Hank another kiss on cheek. She rushes out the door for the studio to cover the story. Jack starts playing fetch with the dog throwing a dog toy across the room. Dog toy lands on grandpa who once again fell asleep. Shadow jumps on him to get toy. Hank takes the rest of the ornaments down, wraps them and when he’s out of small storage boxes, he believes the job is done. He packs up the large ornament storage box with the small boxes, seals it up and removes the tree from its stand.)
Hank
Oh, Christmas Tree, Oh, Christmas Tree… I’m finished with the tree.
Jack
Finally. Took you forever!
Hank
Well. I’m going to take it out front for the garbage truck. Got to hurry. I think they’re just about here.
(Hank struggles to carry the tree out the front door practically tripping, drops it and has to pick it up again)
Jack muttering
My dad could lift this one hand
(Hank overhears Jack but tries to ignore his cutting comment)
Grandpa
Yeah, he sure could. Quite a guy your dad. Yup, quite a guy!
Scene 6: Street in front of house
Hank struggles to drag the tree to the curb unaware that the firetruck ornament is still hanging on the tree for the garbage pickup. He sets the tree down just as he sees the garbage truck is coming on their side of the street picking up discarded Christmas trees. Stepdad stands self-satisfied watching as garbage truck picks up their tree. Then he starts heading back to the house
Hank
Wow! Glad that’s done!
Scene 7: Living Room, grandpa dozing, Hank putting away the large Christmas Storage boxes into the hall closet still singing Oh Christmas Tree. Christmas show back on playing Christmas music. Jack picks up a dog toy and throws it around the room several times. Dog fetches and brings balk to keep playing the game.
Then Jack throws the toy and it lands under the table this time. The dog is under the table for a while.
Jack
Go get it! What are you doing under the table?
(The dog finds the empty firetruck box under the table and brings it out wanting to play. Boy realizes his favorite ornament must still be on the tree.)
Jack
Oh no!( screaming) You idiot!! Hank I hate you! You did this on purpose!!!! You hate my dad and you hate me!!!! You are so stupid!!
(Hank drops the box he was loading into the closet wondering what is going on and why Jack is so mad. Then he sees the dog with the firetruck box in his mouth. Dog drops the small empty box.)
Hank
Jack, I’m so sorry. I thought all the ornaments were off the tree. All the boxes were filled…
Grandpa
Think you’ve made a fine mess of things. Poor kid. He loved his dad so much.
(Grandpa gets up and goes to door and stands there looking out. Hank hesitates for a moment then runs out the front door after Jack)
Scene 8: Street in front of house, sunset
(Jack runs out front into the middle of the street to see the garbage truck driving off with tree and ornament hanging off back. Jack runs after the truck. Dog follows. Hank sees them and runs after the truck too. Then stops seeing he can’t catch it)
Hank (yelling)
Jack! Come back!
Scene 9: Inside the garbage truck, dusk
Driver has headphones on and is rocking out and can’t hear Jack or Hank yelling and keeps driving away
Act 2 Reaction to Turning Point 1
Key Scene 1
Exterior Street in front of house dusk
Hank is running as fast as he can down the street after Jack who is chasing the garbage truck with his favorite Christmas ornament dangling off the tree hanging off the back of the truck.
Beginning: Hank chases Jack for the length of the entire block
Hank
Jack, wait for me! Wait! Stop!
Jack yelling at the driver of the garbage truck
Stop! Stop!
Inside the garbage truck has on headphones and is till rocking out and can’t hear Jack or Hank
Exterior street dusk Jack has stopped chasing the garbage truck. Out of breath Hank comes up to him
Hank
I am so sorry Jack. I just can’t believe this happened. All the boxes were filled.
Jack
You and your stupid boxes!! You can’t do anything right!
Hank
Really, I was just trying to do everything perfect to prevent problems
Jack
Well, that worked out really well! Instead you created the biggest problem ever!! Good job, Hank!
Hank
Look I can buy you a new firetruck. It will be OK,
JackNo, it won’t be OK. It will never be ok again! You have wrecked my life! Don’t you get it? How dumb are you? That was the last thing my dad gave me ever!!!!! You can’t replace it! Ever!
(Hank stands in the street frozen as dusk turns to night. He can’t decide what to do. His careful cautious ways don’t work)
Act 2
Key Scene 2
Exterior street night with garbage truck fading into distance
Beginning: Grandpa pulls up in motorcycle sidecar with Shadow riding in it.
Grandpa
Hop in fast! Let’s go!!!
(Hank and Jack crowd in with Shadow on Hank’s lap)
Jack
Give me some room!
Hank
I’m trying. It’s all I’ve got.
(Grandpa steps on gas hard and they all nearly fly out of the sidecar. Sidecar wobbles and tips on wheels)
Hank
Slow down! You’re way over the speed limit! You’re breaking all the rules!
Jack
Let him drive! We’ve got to catch the truck! You and your rules!! That’s how we got into this mess!
Grandpa
Jack! Enough! Hank is sorry!
Jack
Grandpa! Turn left!!!!
(Sidecar makes crazy left turn almost getting hit by city bus)
Hank
Oh my God, this is crazy!!!
(Grandpa drives crazily between squeezing between a car and a truck. Hank terrified, close his eyes. Sidecar is now even with the garbage truck)
Grandpa
Ok Hank get ready to grab it!
(Grandpa pulls up beside garbage truck, Hank opens his eyes and sees the ornament is within his reach but is terrified and unable to move)
Jack
Grab Hank! Grab it now! For God’s sake! Now! Now!
(Hank finally reaches out to grab the firetruck but it’s too late as the garbage truck takes right turn. The sidecar keeps going straight. Suddenly there are garbage trucks going every direction and they don’t know which one to follow)
Jack
What is wrong with you? You had your chance and didn’t take it!!! Now it’s lost forever!!!
Grandpa
Really Hank. What the heck happened?
(Grandpa stops driving and pulls over to the side of the street. Hank feels like a failure. A tear rolls down Jack’s cheek)
Act 2
Key Scene 3
Exterior Everyone standing bedside parked sidecar, night. Garbage trucks receding into the distance. Grandpa is exhausted, Jack has a tear rolling down his cheek. Hank feels terrible, reaches into his pocket and feels the tracking device)
Hank
Wait! Everything’s going to be ok. My device. It will find it!
(Hank turns on device but nothing happens)
Hank
Never mind…I can’t believe this is happening!
(Hank is about to give up. Following the rules hasn’t worked and instead has ended in disaster)
Act 2
Key Scene 4
(Jack pulls out the batteries from his pocket he had removed and silently hands them to Hank who puts them in. Device turns on and starts blinking on a map and Hank tosses it to Jack. Hank jumps in to drive this time)
Hank
Let’s go! You navigate!
(Grandpa and Jack jump in the sidecar but Shadow stays on the sidewalk while Hank takes off)
Jack
You left Shadow you idiot!
Grandpa
You have to get Shadow!! You just can’t leave him there!
(Hank turns the sidecar around really fast almost throwing Grandpa and Jack out as the car tips nearly over. Hank runs a red light, picks up Shadow who now is sitting on Grandpa’s lap. Hank turns around again and starts driving faster than he ever has. Jack is watching the dot move on the device map)
Jack
Turn left! Not right! Left!!
(Hank runs another red light, dodging cars, horn blaring at the near misses. This time Grandpa is closing his eyes.)
Grandpa
You just ran a red light!
Hank
And your point is?
Jack
Turn right!
(Hank turns right racing down the road. Gradually they have left the crowded city streets now on the city outskirts)
Jack
Your thing says to go this direction! It’s actually pretty cool if this thing is right.
Hank
It is! I know it’s right!
Grandpa
We shall see. How do you know it works?
Hank
You two never quit, do you? You don’t want me to find the firetruck. You want me to fail, to make fun of me. Am so sick of this!
(They ride along in silence. Shadow and Grandpa fall asleep. See sign City Dump up ahead)
Hank has taken control. He no longer resists or fears taking action
Act 3
Key Scene 1
Hank
You two have done everything you can to undermine me and make me look stupid especially to Julie. I am so sick of this! Give me that! I’ll find it myself.
(Hank grabs tracker from Jack and storms off alone into the dump to find the tree with the tree. Shadow follows him leaving Jack and Grandpa standing there)
Hank
Come on Shadow. This way.
(Hank jumps at every sound. Shadow looks at him sensing his fear)
Hank
Quiet Shadow!
(Suddenly an owl flies out of nowhere, swoops down and grazes Hank’s hair. He screams!)
Hank
Aiy! Ahh!!!!
Key Scene 2
(Shadow is smelling everything and sees owl eating garbage. Shadow runs over to grab the food but the owl flies up away. They search first through garbage and then piles of trees. Hank comes around a corner and sees the scaped lion eating garbage on the ground with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank freezes in fear)
Hank
Quiet shadow! Halt!
(Shadow stops, growling at the lion. Shadow sees the owl in the tree nearby and growls at it too. Hank looks around trying to decide what to do. Lion sees Hank and starts growling at him. Lion gets up, does full body shake causing ornament to fly off, landing behind him. Shadow moves toward the lion)
Hank
Shadow stop! Stop!
(Hank sees door is open on empty container and decides to use his whip to back into the container. Jack and Grandpa run to Hank’s voice yelling at Shadow. Jack doesn’t see lion behind him but sees Hank and runs toward him)
Hank
Jack! Stop running!
(Jack turns to see lion coming for him)
Jack
Screams!
(Grandpa emerges from garbage to see chaos Hank using whip to control lion)
Hank
Jack!
(Hank uses his whip to coerce lion but it’s a struggle and the lion jumps on top of the container rather than in it)
Hank
Come on little lion! Come on!
(Hank taunts the lion while Jack and Grandpa are afraid for him)
Jack
Hank! Watch out! Be careful!
Hank
Like you care!
Grandpa
We do care! Please be careful!
Key Scene 3
(Hank coaxes lion into empty container. Grandpa and Jack slam the container door shut and flip the lock)
Jack
That was awesome Hank! You were amazing! Thank you so much!!!!
Grandpa
Yeah, that was impressive.
(Hank is surprised by their sudden admiration and not sure what to make of it)
Hank
Yeah. Really? Seriously?
(Grandpa on phone with police)
Yes, the lion is at the City Dump locked in a container in the back of the dump near where all the trees are. Yes. Ok. You are welcome.
(Grandpa Hangs up phone)
Grandpa
Hank, really, we didn’t mean any harm. We’ve just been kidding around with you.
Key Scene 2
(Shadow is smelling everything and sees owl eating garbage. Shadow runs over to grab the food but the owl flies up away. They search first through garbage and then piles of trees. Hank comes around a corner and sees the scaped lion eating garbage on the ground with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank freezes in fear)
Hank
Quiet shadow! Halt!
(Shadow stops, growling at the lion. Shadow sees the owl in the tree nearby and growls at it too. Hank looks around trying to decide what to do. Lion sees Hank and starts growling at him. Lion gets up, does full body shake causing ornament to fly off, landing behind him. Shadow moves toward the lion)
Hank
Shadow stop! Stop!
Key Scene 3
(Hank sees door is open on empty container at the end of the pole of Christmas trees and decides to use his whip to back into the container. Jack and Grandpa run to Hank’s voice yelling at Shadow. Jack doesn’t see lion behind him but sees Hank and runs toward him)
Hank
Jack! Stop running!
(Jack turns to see lion coming for him)
Jack
Screams!
(Grandpa emerges from garbage to see chaos Hank using whip to control lion)
Hank
Jack!
(Hank uses his whip to coerce lion but it’s a struggle and the lion jumps on top of the container rather than in it)
Hank
Come on little lion! Come on!
(Hank taunts the lion while Jack and Grandpa are afraid for him)
Jack
Hank! Watch out! Be careful!
Hank
Like you care!
Grandpa
We do care! Please be careful!
(Hank coaxes lion into empty container. Grandpa and Jack slam the container door shut and flip the lock)
Jack
That was awesome Hank! You were amazing! Thank you so much!!!!
Grandpa
Yeah, that was impressive.
(Hank is surprised by their sudden admiration and not sure what to make of it)
Hank
Yeah. Really? Seriously?
(Hank leaves Grandpa to back to where ornament came free of lion)
Grandpa
(Grandpa alone on phone with police)
Yes, the lion is at the City Dump locked in a container in the back of the dump near where all the old Christmas trees are. Yes. Ok. You are welcome.
(Grandpa Hangs up phone)
Key Scene 4
(Hank, Grandpa, Jack and Shadow are back where the lion dropped the firetruck)
Grandpa
Hank, really, we didn’t mean any harm. We’ve just been kidding around with you.
Not sure what to say. Not sure what to believe. You two have been pretty clear how you feel about me.
Jack
Really Hank. We didn’t mean all of it.
Hank
But you meant some of it, right?
Jack
Well…..
(Jack runs and hugs Hank and Shadow joins in knocking them both over just as Hank is reaching down to pick up the ornament. Hank on the ground now with Shadow licking his face. The owl who’d been watching it all, swoops down to grab the ornament and flies off with the ornament hanging from its beak)
Jack
Oh no! No, no, no!
(Hank gets up and runs for the owl climbing over trees and garbage to catch it)
Hank
Stop, you crazy bird!
(Hank bravely makes a flying leap off a tree branch and reaches out as far as he can and just barely misses grabbing the hanging ornament. The owl flies out of sight with the ornament hanging from its beak. Hank is now lying flat on the ground)
Hank
Oh my God!!! This can’t be happening!
Grandpa
Now what do we do???
(Hank, Jack and Grandpa watch in silence as the owl flies off. Shadow is sniffing around. Hank jumps up and starts running away)
Jack
Where are you going?
Hank
The tracker has limited distance range. If we lose it now, we lose it forever!
(Hank turns on the tracker and keeps running back to the sidecar through the garbage. Shadow follows. Jack and Grandpa follow too)
Scene 5
Newsroom Interior. Story on screen of police at dump with lion in cage
Tech worker
Wonder how the lion ended up in that container?
Julie
Yeah. Pretty odd. But at least the drama is over and I can go home!
(Julie packs up and leaves office)
Julie
See you after New Years!
Act 4 Key Scene 1
(Hank runs back to the sidecar but the tracker has stopped tracking. Hank starts the engine but doesn’t know where to go -frozen all hope lost. Shadow jumps in and licks Hank’s face)
Hank
Okay Shadow okay. Stop! I sorry but I’m just not in the mood! This is such a disaster.
(Hank rests his head on the steering wheel, closes his eyes)
Hank
I wish this day had never happened!
(Grandpa and Jack arrive standing outside the sidecar)
Jack
What now Hank?
Grandpa
Yeah, what now?
Hank
Nothing! I can’t do anything. You can’t do anything! No one can do anything!!! It’s
over and Jack, it’s your….
Jack
My fault. I know. I know it’s all my fault this time.
Hank
No, it all started with me. My big mistake. Can’t blame you.
Grandpa
Glad we have that all settled.
Act 4 Scene Key Scene 2
(They are all riding silently in the sidecar again slowly leaving the dump heading toward the bright city lights.)
Grandpa
Jack, don’t you think the city lights look great.
Jack
Sure, Grandpa whatever you say.
(Closer to city traffic gets heavy. Hank is now driving very slowly now. Hank honks the horn in frustration!)
Hank
Come on! Go! Move on! We’ll never get home!!!!
(Now traffic cop is directing the cars and sidecar is heading closer to downtown)
Hank
What! We are going the wrong direction!!!!
Jack
Are you OK Hank?
Grandpa
It’s ok. We just have to be calm. Nothing we can do.
Hank
Well at least maybe I can get home in time to make the party with Julie.
Grandpa
Yeah. Sure. Good plan
Jack
Guess you’re giving up, right, Hank?
Hank
Yes, Jack. I’m giving up just like you thought I would. Are you happy now? You can tell your mom what a loser I am…..Sorry Jack. I didn’t mean that. I really tried hard.
(Sidecar hits a deep pothole and Jack almost flies out but then he sees the tracker light up again)
Jack screams
Hank! Hank it’s working!
Hank
What’s working?
Jack
The tracker! The light is on and it’s moving. We’ve got to follow it!
Hank
Give it to me!
(Hank turns down a side street away from the traffic cop and starts speeding again following the tracker signal. Sidecar swaying wildly)
Act 4 Climax
(Hank is driving the sidecar wildly down the side streets following the tracker. Grandpa, Jack and Shadow are nearly falling out)
Grandpa
Hank slow down! We ‘re barely holding on back here!
Hank
This is our last chance. I’m not giving up!!!
(Hank comes to an busy intersection, turns left and gets stopped in traffic)
Hank honks horn yells at cars
Move! Move!
Jack
They can’t go anywhere Hank. No reason to honk and yell
(Hank jumps out of the car and runs on foot following the tracker signal. Jack and shadow jump out and follow Hank leaving Grandpa in the sidecar)
Jack
Hank. Slow down! I can’t catch up
(Hank slows a little waiting for Jack and Shadow to catch up)
Hank
Ok. Let’s go
(They run through crowds of people waiting for New Year’s Eve Ball drop. They enter One times Square sneak past security and get in elevator to top of building. Once on top they find the ball and see the owl with the ornament hanging from it’s beak)
Jack
What now!! We can’t get it!
Hank
I’m not giving up
Shadow sees owl
Barks!
Jack
What are you going to do?
Hank
Just watch. Tell your mom I love her.
Jack
What do you mean? Why???
(Hank jumps onto the scaffold barely making it. Ties one end of this whip to it, gets up on the railing of the scaffold)
Jack
Hank! Stop! What are you doing? It’s not worth it! Don’t!!!
(Hank swings out high over the crowd below to the ball and grabs the ornament out of the owl’s mouth)
Jack
Oh my god!
(Hank swings back crashing onto the scaffold with the ornament in one hand. Climbs back onto the building roof)
Jack
I can’t believe you did that!
Hank
Neither can I!
Jack
I was so scared for you!
(Jack runs and hugs Hank)
Act 4 Key Scene 4
(Hank, Jack and Shadow leave the building and look for Grandpa where they left him but he’s nowhere to be found)
Jack
Grandpa! Grandpa!
(They try street after street but can’t find him)
Jack
Do you have your phone?
(Hank checks his pockets for the phone)
Hank
No. I must have left it at home. Sorry
Jack
It’s ok
Hank
Let’s just go home and see if he’s there
(Inside the house, Grandpa is sitting in his chair watching the New Year’s Eve on TV before the ball drop. Jack Hank and Shadow enter)
Jack
Grandpa! Grandpa! You won’t believe what Hank did!
Grandpa
Really? What did he do?
(Jack shows Grandpa his firetruck ornament)
Jack
We followed the owl to the top of the building where the ball drops on New Years.
Grandpa
Wow!
Jack
Hank jumped onto the scaffolding used his whip and swingout to grab my firetruck from the owl! It was unbelievable. Scary, too!
Grandpa
Hank did all that??
Jack
Yes. It was amazing!
Grandpa
Well, that calls for a toast!
(Grandpa goes into kitchen to make hot chocolate)
Hank
Is Julie home?
Grandpa from kitchen
No, not yet
Jack
Hank, thank you. This was the most amazing night ever!
Hank
Yeah. I know! Glad it worked out
Jack
I’m sorry for
Hank
That’s the past
(Grandpa comes out with chocolate. Julie comes home)
Jack
Mom! Mom, you won’t believe…
Hank and Grandpa give Jack a look
…oh nothing
Julie
No tell me. What did you do tonight?
Hank
Not much
Julie
Did you hear the lion was caught at the city dump
Grandpa
Oh really?
(TV shows the lion story)
Julie
It’s on TV now
They all look to TV
Julie
The police got a phone tip about the lion being trapped in a container at the zoo
Jack
Oh really
Julie
They don’t know how it happened but we can sleep well tonight
Hank
Yeah, that’s good news
(Countdown for the ball drop starts on TV and they all turn to watch and count out loud)
Hank, Jack Julie, Grandpa all reciting countdown
10,9,8,…….
The End
-
Aleta Rafton’s Filled in Missing Scenes
I learned that my story has lots of problems
Full story
The Forgotten Ornament
Character Names
Stepdad- Hank
Mom- Julie
Boy- Jack
Dog – Shadow
Firefighter dad – Elliott
ACT 1
Interior Living room with Christmas Tree, TV Christmas show on, New Year’s Eve
Opening Scene: Closeup on hands of Stepdad applying tracking device locator he invented and then extremely carefully wrapping each ornament in bubble wrap and placing in storage box. Moves on to next ornament. Christmas music playing on TV show.
Widens scene to see grandpa asleep in chair watching Christmas movie. Mom is packing away ornaments in small boxes before putting them in large storage containers. Stepdad on ladder taking ornaments off tree and carefully wrapping them after applying tracker disc. Tells stepdad how much she appreciates him helping take ornaments off the tree. He mentions how much he hopes Jack likes the drone and maybe he’ll start to like him too. She mentions they need to get changed soon for the costume party.
Hank climbs down from ladder walks over to table with little boxes for ornaments, tracker dots. He carefully applies tracker dot to a discreet spot on one ornament at a time and then meticulously double wraps each ornament in bubble wrap.
Hank
Uh, I may need more bubble wrap.
(Hank almost falls over the dog as he gets off the ladder)
Jack
What a klutz!
Julie
No problem. I have lots more in the kitchen. You are doing the best job packing the ornaments up. They’ve never been treated so well! This is the best Christmas ever!
Jack
(Mutters) What a loser! Overwrapping everything. My dad would never waste so much time….(says out loud) Forgot something upstairs (leaves room, runs upstairs)
Hank
I feel like I’m losing with him. I try so hard but I don’t hold a candle next to his memory of his dad. I’m nothing like him. I really hoped he’d love the drone I gave him for Christmas and start to maybe like me.
Julie
Give him time. It will get better. You’re just really different from his dad but that’s what I love about you!
(Julie glances over at grandpa asleep)
I hope my dad is up for watching Jack when we go out and it’s not too much for him.
Scene 2 Jack’s bedroom on call with friend, flying drone in room showing friend on zoom, window open, Christmas music in background. Shadow is lying on bed
Friend
Jack that drone is sooo cool! Your stepdad is the best.
Jack
No! He’s the biggest nerd all the time but the drone is cool. He worries about everything! Always uptight, afraid everything will go wrong. So annoying! Ugh I can’t stand him! He thinks he’s so smart and can control everything. But he’s so wimpy. He spends all his time on the computer! He’s even made this weird tracking device and he’s putting tracking dots all over everything in the house. Such a nerd. Complete opposite of my dad!
Friend
He seems nice enough. Well at least you have the drone.
Jack
Other than that, this was the worst Christmas ever!
(Jack is flying the drone to hover close to Shadow who starts chasing it around the room jumping all over things but always just missing catching it)
Friend
This is hilarious! Your dog is just going crazy. I want one of these to play with my cat!
Jack
I know! Shadow loves this! He can play for hours.
Friend
(You hear his phone ring and it’s his his mother calling him)
Got to go. My mom’s calling me
Jack
See you.
(Jack shuts down zoom call, keeps flying drone around room, then hears garbage truck through open window, stops drone and goes to look out window with Shadow to see the truck picking up discarded Christmas trees on the opposite side of the street, trees haven’t been picked on his side of street yet. Leaves the window and picks up bedside photo of him with his dad holding the firetruck ornament from their last Christmas together 4 years ago. Stares at it remembering his dad. Climbs on the bed and dog jumps up to lay beside him. Shadow licks Jack’s face and Jack hugs Shadow)
Shadow
Barks at garbage truck
Jack
You’re the best!
(Jack jumps up and starts playing fetch with the dog tossing a dog toy around the room)
Scene 3
Living Room Living Room, Hank still removing ornaments, tagging with tracker and double wrapping ornaments. Hank and Julie now dressed for costume New Year’s Eve Party with Hank as Indians Jones with whip and Julie as his female sidekick. Grandpa half asleep watching Christmas show on TV
Hank
(singing) Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree…
Julie
Jack! We need you to come down here. We’ll be leaving soon.
(Jack comes downstairs into living room with Shadow and throws a dog toy onto sleeping grandpa by mistake. Shadow jumps on him to get toy and licks his face waking him up)
Jack
Still at it, Hank? You just might finish by next Christmas! If ever (under his breath) Ok Mom. What’s up?
Grandpa chuckles
Maybe not!
Julie
Hey. I need you to help grandpa with the dishes after dinner. Make sure he takes his meds and let Shadow out before you go to bed. OK? I’m going to fix your dinners right. (she goes to kitchen)
Jack
Sure Mom, no problem. Wow, Mom, Hank seems really to be struggling with the ornaments. Is he ok? (Jack goes to help Hank take ornaments down)
Hank
Hey Jack. How’s the drone?
Jack
It’s ok.
Hank
I thought you’d really like it.
(Hank reaches for the firetruck ornament and Jack screams and Hank jumps back)
Jack
Don’t touch that! That’s mine. What’s the matter with you? (Jack applies tracking dot to it while it’s hanging on tree)
Scene 4 Kitchen
(Julie calls Hank to kitchen)
Julie
Hank can you reach this for me?
Hank
What was that about?
Julie
That’s the last Christmas gift from his dad. That firetruck means a lot to him
Hank
Sorry. No wonder he’s so upset. I feel like I can’t do anything right!
Scene 5 Living room
(To undermine Hank’s relationship with mom, when no one is looking Jack deliberately breaks an ornament Hank had carefully wrapped to prove his overwrapping is stupid. Julie and Hank come back into living room to keep removing ornaments and packing them away.)
Jack
Hey, one of the ornaments broke! Guess all your wrapping didn’t help did it? Kind a waste of time, huh?
Hank
Hmm. Wonder how that happened (obviously suspicious of how it broke)
Julie
Oh, that’s a shame but it’s so great that you’re being so careful with all these. Some are from when I was a kid! (she kisses Hank on the cheek while Jack watches and makes a face. Hank smiles at Julie making an effort to ignore Jack’s faces and comments)
(Jack eyes the tracking device controller on table and while everyone is busy, he secretly removes the batteries from the device so it won’t work and puts them in his pocket.He calls out to Hank to prove his device works.)
Jack
Hey Hank, does this thing really work? Let’s see…
(Hank grabs the device to turn it on but BREAKING NEWS comes on TV so he puts it in his pocket. Julie turns to watch the TV and unknowingly knocks the small box that the firetruck ornament belongs in under the table. They all stop what they are doing, move over closer to the tv to watch the story about the escaped lion which was formerly a trained circus lion for a few minutes.)
Grandpa
Wow. Well Look at that!
Julie
Might be kind of a big deal
Hank
How are they ever going to catch an escaped lion? Way to start the new year!
(Julie’s cell rings. It’s a frantic call from the local news studio where she is a producer)
Julie
Can’t believe this. They want me to come in right now! I promise I’ll be back for the party. I’ll just have to meet you there. I promise! Sorry guys. Be good jack. Bye. Thanks, Hank for understanding.
(Julie gives Hank another kiss on cheek. She rushes out the door for the studio to cover the story. Jack starts playing fetch with the dog throwing a dog toy across the room. Dog toy lands on grandpa who once again fell asleep. Shadow jumps on him to get toy. Hank takes the rest of the ornaments down, wraps them and when he’s out of small storage boxes, he believes the job is done. He packs up the large ornament storage box with the small boxes, seals it up and removes the tree from its stand.)
Hank
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree… I’m finished with the tree.
Jack
Finally. Took you forever!
Julie
Thanks so much, babe. Really appreciate it.
Hank
Well. I’m going to take it out front for the garbage truck. Got to hurry. I think they’re just about here.
(Hank struggles to carry the tree out the front door practically tripping, drops it and has to pick it up again)
Jack muttering
My dad could this one hand
(Hank overhears jack but ties to ignore his cutting comment)
Grandpa
Yeah he sure could
Scene 6: Street in front of house
Hank struggles to drag the tree to the curb unaware that the firetruck ornament is still hanging on the tree for the garbage pickup. He sets the tree down just as he sees the garbage truck is coming on their side of the street picking up discarded Christmas trees. Stepdad stands self-satisfied watching as garbage truck picks up their tree. Then he starts heading back to the house
Hank
Wow! Glad that’s done!s
Scene 7: Living Room, grandpa dozing, Hank putting away the large Christmas Storage boxes into the hall closet still singing Oh Christmas Tree. Christmas show back on playing Christmas music. Jack picks up a dog toy and throws it around the room several times. Dog fetches and brings balk to keep playing the game.
Then Jack throws the toy and it lands under the table this time. The dog is under the table for a while.
Jack
Go get it! What are you doing under the table?
(The dog finds the empty firetruck box under the table and brings it out wanting to play. Boy realizes his favorite ornament must still be on the tree.)
Jack
Oh no!( screaming) You idiot!! Hank I hate you! You did this on purpose!!!! You hate my dad and you hate me!!!! You are so stupid!!
(Hank drops the box he was loading into the closet wondering what is going on and why Jack is so mad. Then he sees the dog with the firetruck box in his mouth. Dog drops the small empty box.)
Hank
Jack, I’m so sorry. I thought all the ornaments were off the tree. All the boxes were filled…
Grandpa
Think you’ve made a fine mess of things. Poor kid. He loved his dad so much.
(Grandpa gets up and goes to door and stands there looking out. Hank hesitates for a moment then runs out the front door after Jack)
Scene 8: Street in front of house, sunset
(Jack runs out front into the middle of the street to see the garbage truck driving off with tree and ornament hanging off back. Jack runs after the truck. Dog follows. Hank sees them and runs after the truck too. Then stops seeing he can’t catch it)
Hank (yelling)
Jack! Come back!
Scene 9: Inside the garbage truck, dusk
Driver has headphones on and is rocking out and can’t hear Jack or Hank yelling and keeps driving away
Act 2 Reaction to Turning Point 1
Key Scene 1
Exterior Street in front of house dusk
Hank is running as fast as he can down the street after Jack who is chasing the garbage truck with his favorite Christmas ornament dangling off the tree hanging off the back of the truck.
Beginning: Hank chases Jack for the length of the entire block
Hank
Jack, wait for me! Wait! Stop!
Jack yelling at the driver of the garbage truck
Stop! Stop!
Inside the garbage truck has on headphones and is till rocking out and can’t hear Jack or Hank
Exterior street dusk Jack has stopped chasing the garbage truck. Out of breath Hank comes up to him
Hank
I am so sorry Jack. I just can’t believe this happened. All the boxes were filled.
Jack
You and your stupid boxes!! You can’t do anything right!
Hank
Really, I was just trying to do everything perfect to prevent problems
Jack
Well, that worked out really well! Instead you created the biggest problem ever!! Good job, Hank!
Hank
Look I can buy you a new firetruck. It will be OK,
JackNo, it won’t be OK. It will never be ok again! You have wrecked my life! Don’t you get it? How dumb are you? That was the last thing my dad gave me ever!!!!! You can’t replace it! Ever!
(Hank stands in the street frozen as dusk turns to night. He can’t decide what to do. His careful cautious ways don’t work)
Act 2
Key Scene 2
Exterior street night with garbage truck fading into distance
Beginning: Grandpa pulls up in motorcycle sidecar with Shadow riding in it.
Grandpa
Hop in fast! Let’s go!!!
(Hank and Jack crowd in with Shadow on Hank’s lap)
Jack
Give me some room!
Hank
I’m trying. It’s all I’ve got.
(Grandpa steps on gas hard and they all nearly fly out of the sidecar. Sidecar wobbles and tips on wheels)
Hank
Slow down! You’re way over the speed limit! You’re breaking all the rules!
Jack
Let him drive! We’ve got to catch the truck! You and your rules!! That’s how we got into this mess!
Grandpa
Jack! Enough! Hank is sorry!
Jack
Grandpa! Turn left!!!!
(Sidecar makes crazy left turn almost getting hit by city bus)
Hank
Oh my God, this is crazy!!!
(Grandpa drives crazily between squeezing between a car and a truck. Hank terrified, close his eyes. Sidecar is now even with the garbage truck)
Grandpa
Ok Hank get ready to grab it!
(Grandpa pulls up beside garbage truck, Hank opens his eyes and sees the ornament is within his reach but is terrified and unable to move)
Jack
Grab Hank! Grab it now! For God’s sake! Now! Now!
(Hank finally reaches out to grab the firetruck but it’s too late as the garbage truck takes right turn. The sidecar keeps going straight. Suddenly there are garbage trucks going every direction and they don’t know which one to follow)
Jack
What is wrong with you? You had your chance and didn’t take it!!! Now it’s lost forever!!!
Grandpa
Really Hank. What the heck happened?
(Grandpa stops driving and pulls over to the side of the street. Hank feels like a failure. A tear rolls down Jack’s cheek)
Act 2
Key Scene 3
Exterior Everyone standing bedside parked sidecar, night. Garbage trucks receding into the distance. Grandpa is exhausted, Jack has a tear rolling down his cheek. Hank feels terrible, reaches into his pocket and feels the tracking device)
Hank
Wait! Everything’s going to be ok. My device. It will find it!
(Hank turns on device but nothing happens)
Hank
Never mind…I can’t believe this is happening!
(Hank is about to give up. Following the rules hasn’t worked and instead has ended in disaster)
Act 2
Key Scene 4
(Jack pulls out the batteries from his pocket he had removed and silently hands them to Hank who puts them in. Device turns on and starts blinking on a map and Hank tosses it to Jack. Hank jumps in to drive this time)
Hank
Let’s go! You navigate!
(Grandpa and Jack jump in the sidecar but Shadow stays on the sidewalk while Hank takes off)
Jack
You left Shadow you idiot!
Grandpa
You have to get Shadow!! You just can’t leave him there!
(Hank turns the sidecar around really fast almost throwing Grandpa and Jack out as the car tips nearly over. Hank runs a red light, picks up Shadow who now is sitting on Grandpa’s lap. Hank turns around again and starts driving faster than he ever has. Jack is watching the dot move on the device map)
Jack
Turn left! Not right! Left!!
(Hank runs another red light, dodging cars, horn blaring at the near misses. This time Grandpa is closing his eyes.)
Grandpa
You just ran a red light!
Hank
And your point is?
Jack
Turn right!
(Hank turns right racing down the road. Gradually they have left the crowded city streets now on the city outskirts)
Jack
Your thing says to go this direction! It’s actually pretty cool if this thing is right.
Hank
It is! I know it’s right!
Grandpa
We shall see. How do you know it works
Hank
You two never quit, do you? You don’t want me to find the firetruck. You want me to fail, to make fun of me. Am so sick of this!
(They ride along in silence. Shadow and Grandpa fall asleep. See sign City Dump up ahead)
Hank has taken control. He no longer resists or fears taking action
Act 3
Key Scene 1
Hank
You two have done everything you can to undermine me and make me look stupid especially to Julie. I am so sick of this! Give me that! I’ll find it myself.
(Hank grabs tracker from Jack and storms off alone into the dump to find the tree with the tree. Shadow follows him leaving Jack and Grandpa standing there)
Hank
Come on Shadow. This way.
(Hank jumps at every sound. Shadow looks at him sensing his fear)
Hank
Quiet Shadow!
(Suddenly an owl flies out of nowhere, swoops down and grazes Hank’s hair. He screams!)
Hank
Aiy! Ahh!!!!
Key Scene 2
(Shadow is smelling everything and sees owl eating garbage. Shadow runs over to grab the food but the owl flies up away. They search first through garbage and then piles of trees. Hank comes around a corner and sees the scaped lion eating garbage on the ground with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank freezes in fear)
Hank
Quiet shadow! Halt!
(Shadow stops, growling at the lion. Shadow sees the owl in the tree nearby and growls at it too. Hank looks around trying to decide what to do. Lion sees Hank and starts growling at him. Lion gets up, does full body shake causing ornament to fly off, landing behind him. Shadow moves toward the lion)
Hank
Shadow stop! Stop!
(Hank sees door is open on empty container and decides to use his whip to back into the container. Jack and Grandpa run to Hank’s voice yelling at Shadow. Jack doesn’t see lion behind him but sees Hank and runs toward him)
Hank
Jack! Stop running!
(Jack turns to see lion coming for him)
Jack
Screams!
(Grandpa emerges from garbage to see chaos Hank using whip to control lion)
Hank
Jack!
(Hank uses his whip to coerce lion but it’s a struggle and the lion jumps on top of the container rather than in it)
Hank
Come on little lion! Come on!
(Hank taunts the lion while Jack and Grandpa are afraid for him)
Jack
Hank! Watch out! Be careful!
Hank
Like you care!
Grandpa
We do care! Please be careful!
Key Scene 3
(Hank coaxes lion into empty container. Grandpa and Jack slam the container door shut and flip the lock)
Jack
That was awesome Hank! You were amazing! Thank you so much!!!!
Grandpa
Yeah, that was impressive.
(Hank is surprised by their sudden admiration and not sure what to make of it)
Hank
Yeah. Really? Seriously?
(Grandpa on phone with police)
Yes, the lion is at the City Dump locked in a container in the back of the dump near where all the trees are. Yes. Ok. You are welcome.
(Grandpa Hangs up phone)
Grandpa
Hank, really, we didn’t mean any harm. We’ve just been kidding around with you.
Key Scene 2
(Shadow is smelling everything and sees owl eating garbage. Shadow runs over to grab the food but the owl flies up away. They search first through garbage and then piles of trees. Hank comes around a corner and sees the scaped lion eating garbage on the ground with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank freezes in fear)
Hank
Quiet shadow! Halt!
(Shadow stops, growling at the lion. Shadow sees the owl in the tree nearby and growls at it too. Hank looks around trying to decide what to do. Lion sees Hank and starts growling at him. Lion gets up, does full body shake causing ornament to fly off, landing behind him. Shadow moves toward the lion)
Hank
Shadow stop! Stop!
Key Scene 3
(Hank sees door is open on empty container at the end of the pole of Christmas trees and decides to use his whip to back into the container. Jack and Grandpa run to Hank’s voice yelling at Shadow. Jack doesn’t see lion behind him but sees Hank and runs toward him)
Hank
Jack! Stop running!
(Jack turns to see lion coming for him)
Jack
Screams!
(Grandpa emerges from garbage to see chaos Hank using whip to control lion)
Hank
Jack!
(Hank uses his whip to coerce lion but it’s a struggle and the lion jumps on top of the container rather than in it)
Hank
Come on little lion! Come on!
(Hank taunts the lion while Jack and Grandpa are afraid for him)
Jack
Hank! Watch out! Be careful!
Hank
Like you care!
Grandpa
We do care! Please be careful!
(Hank coaxes lion into empty container. Grandpa and Jack slam the container door shut and flip the lock)
Jack
That was awesome Hank! You were amazing! Thank you so much!!!!
Grandpa
Yeah, that was impressive.
(Hank is surprised by their sudden admiration and not sure what to make of it)
Hank
Yeah. Really? Seriously?
(Hank leaves Grandpa to back to where ornament came free of lion)
Grandpa
(Grandpa alone on phone with police)
Yes, the lion is at the City Dump locked in a container in the back of the dump near where all the old Christmas trees are. Yes. Ok. You are welcome.
(Grandpa Hangs up phone)
Key Scene 4
(Hank, Grandpa, Jack and Shadow are back where the lion dropped the firetruck)
Grandpa
Hank, really, we didn’t mean any harm. We’ve just been kidding around with you.
Not sure what to say. Not sure what to believe. You two have been pretty clear how you feel about me.
Jack
Really Hank. We didn’t mean all of it.
Hank
But you meant some of it, right?
Jack
Well…..
(Jack runs and hugs Hank and Shadow joins in knocking them both over just as Hank is reaching down to pick up the ornament. Hank on the ground now with Shadow licking his face. The owl who’d been watching it all, swoops down to grab the ornament and flies off with the ornament hanging from its beak)
Jack
Oh no! No, no, no!
(Hank gets up and runs for the owl climbing over trees and garbage to catch it)
Hank
Stop, you crazy bird!
(Hank bravely makes a flying leap off a tree branch and reaches out as far as he can and just barely misses grabbing the hanging ornament. The owl flies out of sight with the ornament hanging from its beak. Hank is now lying flat on the ground)
Hank
Oh my God!!! This can’t be happening!
Grandpa
Now what do we do???
(Hank, Jack and Grandpa watch in silence as the owl flies off. Shadow is sniffing around. Hank jumps up and starts running away)
Jack
Where are you going?
Hank
The tracker has limited distance range. If we lose it now, we lose it forever!
(Hank turns on the tracker and keeps running back to the sidecar through the garbage. Shadow follows. Jack and Grandpa follow too)
Scene 5
Newsroom Interior. Story on screen of police at dump with lion in cage
Tech worker
Wonder how the lion ended up in that container?
Julie
Yeah. Pretty odd. But at least the drama is over and I can go home!
(Julie packs up and leaves office)
Julie
See you after New Years!
Act 4 Key Scene 1
(Hank runs back to the sidecar but the tracker has stopped tracking. Hank starts the engine but doesn’t know where to go -frozen all hope lost. Shadow jumps in and licks Hank’s face)
Hank
Okay Shadow okay. Stop! I sorry but I’m just not in the mood! This is such a disaster.
(Hank rests his head on the steering wheel, closes his eyes)
Hank
I wish this day had never happened!
(Grandpa and Jack arrive standing outside the sidecar)
Jack
What now Hank?
Grandpa
Yeah, what now?
Hank
Nothing! I can’t do anything. You can’t do anything! No one can do anything!!! It’s
over and Jack, it’s your….
Jack
My fault. I know. I know it’s all my fault this time.
Hank
No, it all started with me. My big mistake. Can’t blame you.
Grandpa
Glad we have that all settled.
Act 4 Scene Key Scene 2
(They are all riding silently in the sidecar again slowly leaving the dump heading toward the bright city lights.)
Grandpa
Jack, don’t you think the city lights look great.
Jack
Sure, Grandpa whatever you say.
(Closer to city traffic gets heavy. Hank is now driving very slowly now. Hank honks the horn in frustration!)
Hank
Come on! Go! Move on! We’ll never get home!!!!
(Now traffic cop is directing the cars and sidecar is heading closer to downtown)
Hank
What! We are going the wrong direction!!!!
Jack
Are you OK Hank?
Grandpa
It’s ok. We just have to be calm. Nothing we can do.
Hank
Maybe I can get home in time to make the party with Julie.
Grandpa
Yeah. Sure. Good plan
Jack
Guess you’re giving up, right, Hank?
Hank
Yes, Jack. I’m giving up just like you thought I would. Are you happy now? You can tell your mom what a loser I am…..Sorry Jack. I didn’t mean that. I really tried hard.
(Sidecar hits a deep pothole and Jack almost flies out but then he sees the tracker light up again)
Jack screams
Hank! Hank it’s working!
Hank
What’s working?
Jack
The tracker! The light is on and it’s moving. We’ve got to follow it!
Hank
Give it to me!
(Hank turns down a side street away from the traffic cop and starts speeding again following the tracker signal. Sidecar swaying wildly)
Act 4 Climax
(Hank is driving the sidecar wildly down the side streets following the tracker. Grandpa, Jack and Shadow are nearly falling out)
Grandpa
Hank slow down! We ‘re barely holding on back here!
Hank
This is our last chance. I’m not giving up!!!
(Hank comes to an busy intersection, turns left and gets stopped in traffic)
Hank honks horn yells at cars
Move! Move!
Jack
They can’t go anywhere Hank. No reason to honk and yell
(Hank jumps out of the car and runs on foot following the tracker signal. Jack and shadow jump out and follow Hank leaving Grandpa in the sidecar)
Jack
Hank. Slow down! I can’t catch up
(Hank slows a little waiting for Jack and Shadow to catch up)
Hank
Ok. Let’s go
(They run through crowds of people waiting for New Year’s Eve Ball drop. They enter One times Square sneak past security and get in elevator to top of building. Once on top they find the ball and see the owl with the ornament hanging from it’s beak)
Jack
What now!! We can’t get it!
Hank
I’m not giving up
Shadow sees owl
Barks!
Jack
What are you going to do?
Hank
Just watch. Tell your mom I love her.
Jack
What do you mean? Why???
(Hank jumps onto the scaffold barely making it. Ties one end of this whip to it, gets up on the railing of the scaffold)
Jack
Hank! Stop! What are you doing? It’s not worth it! Don’t!!!
(Hank swings out high over the crowd below to the ball and grabs the ornament out of the owl’s mouth)
Jack
Oh my god!
(Hank swings back crashing onto the scaffold with the ornament in one hand. Climbs back onto the building roof)
Jack
I can’t believe you did that!
Hank
Neither can I!
Jack
I was so scared for you!
(Jack runs and hugs Hank)
Act 4 Key Scene 4
(Hank, Jack and Shadow leave the building and look for Grandpa where they left him but he’s nowhere to be found)
Jack
Grandpa! Grandpa!
(They try street after street but can’t find him)
Jack
Do you have your phone?
(Hank checks his pockets for the phone)
Hank
No. I must have left it at home. Sorry
Jack
It’s ok
Hank
Let’s just go home and see if he’s there
(Inside the house, Grandpa is sitting in his chair watching the New Year’s Eve on TV before the ball drop. Jack Hank and Shadow enter)
Jack
Grandpa! Grandpa! You won’t believe what Hank did!
Grandpa
Really? What did he do?
(Jack shows Grandpa his firetruck ornament)
Jack
We followed the owl to the top of the building where the ball drops on New Years.
Grandpa
Wow!
Jack
Hank jumped onto the scaffolding used his whip and swingout to grab my firetruck from the owl! It was unbelievable. Scary, too!
Grandpa
Hank did all that??
Jack
Yes. It was amazing!
Grandpa
Well, that calls for a toast!
(Grandpa goes into kitchen to make hot chocolate)
Hank
Is Julie home?
Grandpa from kitchen
No, not yet
Jack
Hank, thank you. This was the most amazing night ever!
Hank
Yeah. I know! Glad it worked out
Jack
I’m sorry for
Hank
That’s the past
(Grandpa comes out with chocolate. Julie come home)
Jack
Mom! Mom, You won’t believe…
Hank and Grandpa give Jack a look
…oh nothing
Julie
No tell me. What did you do tonight?
Hank
Not much
Julie
Did you hear the lion was caught at the city dump
(TV shows the lion story)
Julie
It’s on TV now
They all look to TV
Julie
The police got a phone tip about the lion being trapped in a container at the zoo
Grandpa
Oh really
Julie
They don’t know how it happened but we can sleep well tonight
Hank
Yeah, that’s good news
(Countdown for the ball drop starts on TV and they all turn to watch and count out loud)
Hank, Jack Julie, Grandpa all reciting countdown
10,9,8,…….
The End
-
Assignment 23
Aleta Rafton’s Act 4 Key Scene 4 Resolution
What I learned is how hard it is to resolve the story in an interesting way that’s not so predictable.
Outline Act 4 Key Scene 4 Resolution
Hank, Jack and Shadow leave the building and look for Grandpa where they left him but he’s nowhere to be found.
Start running down random streets searching
Decide to go home to see if he’s there
Grandpa is home
Hank, Jack and Shadow walk in happy to see him
Grandpa makes everyone hot chocolate to toast in the New Year
Julie arrives home asks if they heard about lion caught in garbage dump
They all exchange looks but say nothing
TV starts showing the New Year’s Ball falling top of One Times Square
All raise toast to new year
Act 4 Key Scene 4
(Hank, Jack and Shadow leave the building and look for Grandpa where they left him but he’s nowhere to be found)
Jack
Grandpa! Grandpa!
(They try street after street but can’t find him)
Jack
Do you have your phone?
(Hank checks his pockets for the phone)
Hank
No. I must have left it at home. Sorry
Jack
It’s ok
Hank
Let’s just go home and see if he’s there
(Inside the house, Grandpa is sitting in his chair watching the New Year’s Eve on TV before the ball drop. Jack Hank and Shadow enter)
Jack
Grandpa! Grandpa! You won’t believe what Hank did!
Grandpa
Really? What did he do?
(Jack shows Grandpa his firetruck ornament)
Jack
We followed the owl to the top of the building where the ball drops on New Years.
Grandpa
Wow!
Jack
Hank jumped onto the scaffolding used his whip and swingout to grab my firetruck from the owl! It was unbelievable. Scary, too!
Grandpa
Hank did all that??
Jack
Yes. It was amazing!
Grandpa
Well, that calls for a toast!
(Grandpa goes into kitchen to make hot chocolate)
Hank
Is Julie home?
Grandpa from kitchen
No, not yet
Jack
Hank, thank you. This was the most amazing night ever!
Hank
Yeah. I know! Glad it worked out
Jack
I’m sorry for
Hank
That’s the past
(Grandpa comes out with chocolate. Julie come home)
Jack
Mom! Mom, You won’t believe…
Hank and Grandpa give Jack a look
…oh nothing
Julie
No tell me. What did you do tonight?
Hank
Not much
Julie
Did you hear the lion was caught at the city dump
(TV shows the lion story)
Julie
It’s on TV now
They all look to TV
Julie
The police got a phone tip about the lion being trapped in a container at the zoo
Grandpa
Oh really
Julie
They don’t know how it happened but we can sleep well tonight
Hank
Yeah that’s good news
(Countdown for the ball drop starts on TV and they all turn to watch and count out loud)
Hank, Jack Julie, Grandpa all reciting countdown
10,9,8,…….
The End
-
Assignment 22
Aleta Rafton’s Act 4 Climax
What I learned is that I must elevate all the action and conflict to the highest level so it can be resolved
Outline Act 4 Climax
Hank now has tracker and is on side streets
Hits lots of traffic and comes to complete stop
Hank abandons sidecar starts running down street
Jack and Shadow jump out and follow leaving Grandpa in sidecar
Follow signal down crowded street to One Times Square
See owl on top of new Year’s Ball
Get to top of building
See ornament hanging from owl
Hank has to jump on scaffold to get close to owl
Hanging from whip he swings over to owl on ball and grabs ornament from owl’s beak.
Back on scaffold gets big hug from stepson
Act 4 Climax
(Hank is driving the sidecar wildly down the side streets following the tracker. Grandpa, jack and Shadow are nearly falling out)
Grandpa
Hank slow down! We ‘re barely holding on back here!
Hank
This is our last chance. I’m not giving up!!!
(Hank comes to an busy intersection, turns left and gets stopped in traffic)
Hank honks horn yells at cars
Move! Move!
Jack
They can’t go anywhere Hank. No reason to honk and yell
(Hank jumps out of the car and runs on foot following the tracker signal. Jack and shadow jump out and follow Hank leaving Grandpa in the sidecar)
Jack
Hank. Slow down! I can’t catch up
(Hank slows a little waiting for Jack and Shadow to catch up)
Hank
Ok. Let’s go
(They run through crowds of people waiting for New Year’s Eve Ball drop. They enter One times Square sneak past security and get in elevator to top of building. Once on top they find the ball and see the owl with the ornament hanging from it’s beak)
Jack
What now!! We can’t get it!
Hank
I’m not giving up
Shadow sees owl
Barks!
Jack
What are you going to do?
Hank
Just watch. Tell your mom I love her.
Jack
What do you mean? Why???
(Hank jumps onto the scaffold barely making it. Ties one end of this whip to it, gets up on the railing of the scaffold)
Jack
Hank! Stop! What are you doing? It’s not worth it! Don’t!!!
(Hank swings out high over the crowd below to the ball and grabs the ornament out of the owl’s mouth)
Jack
Oh my god!
(Hank swings back crashing onto the scaffold with the ornament in one hand. Climbs back onto the building roof)
Jack
I can’t believe you did that!
Hank
Neither can I!
Jack
I was so scared for you!
(Jack runs and hugs Hank)
-
Assignment 21
Aleta Rafton’s Act 4 First Scenes
What I learned in this assignment is that I need to keep building the level of the problem the hero faces and his conflict within himself to solve it.
Act 4
Outline Act 4 Key Scene 1 Reaction to 3<sup>rd</sup> Act Turning Point
Hank runs back to the sidecar
Tracker has stopped working
Hank starts the engine but doesn’t know where to go -frozen all hope lost
Shadow jumps in and licks Hank’s face
Grandpa and Jack arrive
Hank starts to blame Jack but stops mid-sentence
Jack finishes sentence for Hank
Outline Act 4 Key Scene 2 Protagonist Faces Their Dilemma
Hank just starts driving slowly at first
Everyone is quiet
Jack picks up tracker from floor – still not working
Get stuck in traffic
Hank just wants to go home
Cops are redirecting traffic. Slowly moving along
Tracker starts working
Hank tries to pass cars but can’t
Grabs tracker from Jack and jumps out of sidecar running between cars following signal
Jack jumps out and follows Hank
Act 4 Key Scene 1
(Hank runs back to the sidecar but the tracker has stopped working. Hank starts the engine but doesn’t know where to go -frozen all hope lost. Shadow jumps in and licks Hank’s face)
Hank
Okay Shadow okay. Stop! I sorry but I’m just not in the mood! This is such a disaster.
(Hank rests his head on the steering wheel, closes his eyes)
Hank
I wish this day had never happened!
(Grandpa and Jack arrive standing outside the sidecar)
Jack
What now Hank?
Grandpa
Yeah, what now?
Hank
Nothing! I can’t do anything. You can’t do anything! No one can do anything!!! It’s
over and Jack, it’s your….
Jack
My fault. I know. I know it’s all my fault this time.
Hank
No, it all started with me. My big mistake. Can’t blame you.
Grandpa
Glad we have that all settled.
Act 4 Scene Key Scene 2
(They are all riding silently in the sidecar again slowly leaving the dump heading toward the bright city lights.)
Grandpa
Jack, don’t you think the city lights look great.
Jack
Sure, Grandpa whatever you say.
(Closer to city traffic gets heavy. Hank is now driving very slowly now. Honks the horn in frustration!)
Hank
Come on! Go! Move on! We’ll never get home!!!!
(Now traffic cop is directing the cars and sidecar is heading closer to downtown)
Hank
What! We are going the wrong direction!!!!
Jack
Are you OK Hank?
Grandpa
It’s ok. We just have to be calm. Nothing we can do.
Hank
Maybe I can get home in time to make the party with Julie.
Grandpa
Yeah. Sure. Good plan
Jack
Guess you’re giving up, right, Hank?
Hank
Yes, Jack. I’m giving up just like you thought I would. Are you happy now? You can tell your mom what a loser I am…..Sorry Jack. I didn’t mean that. I really tried hard.
(Sidecar hits a deep pothole and Jack almost flies out but then he sees the tracker light up again)
Jack screams
Hank! Hank it’s working!
Hank
What’s working?
Jack
The tracker! The light is on and it’s moving. We’ve got to follow it!
Hank
Give it to me!
(Hank turns down a side street away from the traffic cop and starts speeding again following the tracker signal. Sidecar swaying wildly)
-
Assignment 20
Aleta Rafton’s Completed Act 3
What I learned is I needed to fill out the story, make it more exciting with action and emotional with more interaction.
Act 3
Outine
Key Scene 1
All exit parked sidecar, Shadow is sniffing, Jack holds tracking device, night
Hank realizes Jack has been seriously undermining and confronts him
Hank realizes Grandpa has not been on his side either
Key Scene 2
Takes tracker from Jack, going it alone, oddly Shadow follows him into the darkness
Jack and Grandpa run after Hank and Shadow
Hank follows tracker guidance among piles of garbage, then piles of Christmas trees
Comes around tree sees escaped lion eating garbage with ornament dangling from his fur
Jack comes around corner, see Hank but not lion which is right behind him
Grandpa comes next sees lion but is closer to Hank
Jack start running to Hank
Lion gets up to follow him
Jack sees lion and screams
Lion gets up and shakes so ornament goes flying out onto ground
Key Scene 3
Hank uses whip to back lion into empty container
Grandpa and Jack close container door tapping lion inside
Jack rushes to hug Hank who was reaching to grab ornament from ground
Grandpa calls police about lion
Key Scene 4
Hank, Jack and Grandpa confront each other verbally
Jack hugs Hank and Shadow joins in knocking them all to the ground
Owl flies down from tree and swoops up ornament
Hank chases owl, makes valiant attempt to save ornament but just as Hank reaches for it, owl flies off
Hank, Jack and Grandpa watch in silence as the owl flies off
Hank admits there’s a distance range for the tracker. They may lose owl for good.
Scene 5
Newsroom where Julie works showing story that city is safe because lion was found trapped in dump in a container.
She packs up her things and leaves to go home
Act 3
Key Scene 1
Hank
You two have done everything you can to undermine me and make me look stupid especially to Julie. I am so sick of this! Give me that!
(Hank grabs tracker from Jack and storms off alone into the dump to find the tree with the tree. Shadow follows him leaving Jack and Grandpa standing there)
Hank
Come on Shadow. This way.
(Hank jumps at every sound. Shadow looks at him sensing his fear)
Hank
Quiet Shadow!
(Suddenly an owl flies out of nowhere, swoops down and grazes Hank’s hair. He screams!)
Hank
Aiy! Ahh!!!! Even the owls!
Key Scene 2
(Shadow is smelling everything and sees owl eating garbage. Shadow runs over to grab the food but the owl flies up away. They search first through garbage and then piles of trees. Hank comes around a corner and sees the scaped lion eating garbage on the ground with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank freezes in fear)
Hank
Quiet shadow! Halt!
(Shadow stops, growling at the lion. Shadow sees the owl in the tree nearby and growls at it too. Hank looks around trying to decide what to do. Lion sees Hank and starts growling at him. Lion gets up, does full body shake causing ornament to fly off, landing behind him. Shadow moves toward the lion)
Hank
Shadow stop! Stop!
(Hank sees door is open on empty container and decides to use his whip to back into the container. Jack and Grandpa run to Hank’s voice yelling at Shadow. Jack doesn’t see lion behind him but sees Hank and runs toward him)
Hank
Jack! Stop running!
(Jack turns to see lion coming for him)
Jack
Screams!
(Grandpa emerges from garbage to see chaos Hank using whip to control lion)
Hank
Jack!
(Hank uses his whip to coerce lion but it’s a struggle and the lion jumps on top of the container rather than in it)
Hank
Come on little lion! Come on!
(Hank taunts the lion while Jack and Grandpa are afraid for him)
Jack
Hank! Watch out! Be careful!
Hank
Like you care!
Grandpa
We do care! Please be careful!
Key Scene 3
(Hank coaxes lion into empty container. Grandpa and Jack slam the container door shut and flip the lock)
Jack
That was awesome Hank! You were amazing! Thank you so much!!!!
Grandpa
Yeah, that was impressive.
(Hank is surprised by their sudden admiration and not sure what to make of it)
Hank
Yeah. Really? Seriously?
(Grandpa on phone with police)
Yes ,the lion is at the City Dump locked in a container in the back of the dump near where all the trees are. Yes. Ok. You are welcome.
(Grandpa Hangs up phone)
Grandpa
Hank, really, we didn’t mean any harm. We’ve just been kidding around with you.
Key Scene 4
Hank
Not sure what to say. Not sure what to believe. You two have been pretty clear how you feel about me.
Jack
Really Han. We didn’t mean all of it.
Hank
But you meant some of it, right?
Jack
Well…..
(Jack runs and hugs Hank and Shadow joins in knocking them both over just as Hank is reaching down to pick up the ornament. Hank on the ground now with Shadow licking his face. The owl who’d been watching it all, swoops down to grab the ornament and flies off with the ornament hanging from its beak)
Jack
Oh no! No, no, no!
(Hank gets up and runs for the owl climbing over trees and garbage to catch it)
Hank
Stop, you crazy bird!
(Hank bravely makes a flying leap off a tree branch and reaches out as far as he can and just barely misses grabbing the hanging ornament. The owl flies out of sight with the ornament hanging from its beak)
Hank
Oh my God!!! This can’t be happening!
Grandpa
Now what do we do???
(Hank, Jack and Grandpa watch in silence as the owl flies off. Shadow is sniffing around. Hank jumps of the tree and starts running)
Jack
Where are you going?
Hank
The tracker has limited distance range. If we lose it now, we lose it forever!
(Hank turns on the tracker and keeps running back to the sidecar through the garbage. Shadow follows. Jack and Grandpa follow too. The tracker signal stops.)
Scene 5
Newsroom Interior. Story on screen of police at dump with lion in cage
Tech worker
Wonder how the lion ended up in that container?
Julie
Yeah. Pretty odd. But at least the drama is over and I can go home!
(Julie packs up and leaves office)
Julie
See you after New Years!
-
Assignment 19
Aleta Rafton’s Act 3 Turning point
What I learned is that I have to keep amplifying the story. It was too simple in the beginning.
Outline Key Scene 4&5
Key Scene 4
Hank, Jack and Grandpa confront each other verbally
Jack hugs Hank and Shadow joins in knocking them all to the ground
Owl flies down from tree and swoops up ornament
Hank chases owl, makes valiant attempt to save ornament but just as Hank reaches for it, owl flies off
Hank, Jack and Grandpa watch in silence as the owl flies off
Hank admits there’s a distance range for the tracker. They may lose owl for good.
Scene 5
Newsroom where Julie works showing story that city is safe because lion was found trapped in dump in a container.
She packs up her things and leaves to go home
Key Scene 4
Hank
Not sure what to say. Not sure what to believe. You two have been pretty clear how you feel about me.
Jack
Really Han. We didn’t mean all of it.
Hank
But you meant some of it, right?
Jack
Well…..
(Jack runs and hugs Hank and Shadow joins in knocking them both over just as Hank is reaching down to pick up the ornament. Hank on the ground now with Shadow licking his face. The owl who’d been watching it all, swoops down to grab the ornament and flies off with the ornament hanging from its beak)
Jack
Oh no! No, no, no!
(Hank gets up and runs for the owl climbing over trees and garbage to catch it)
Hank
Stop, you crazy bird!
(Hank bravely makes a flying leap off a tree branch and reaches out as far as he can and just barely misses grabbing the hanging ornament. The owl flies out of sight with the ornament hanging from its beak)
Hank
Oh my God!!! This can’t be happening!
Grandpa
Now what do we do???
(Hank, Jack and Grandpa watch in silence as the owl flies off. Shadow is sniffing around. Hank jumps of the tree and starts running)
Jack
Where are you going?
Hank
The tracker has limited distance range. If we lose it now, we lose it forever!
(Hank turns on the tracker and keeps running back to the sidecar through the garbage. Shadow follows. Jack and Grandpa follow too)
Scene 5
Newsroom Interior. Story on screen of police at dump with lion in cage
Tech worker
Wonder how the lion ended up in that container?
Julie
Yeah. Pretty odd. But at least the drama is over and I can go home!
(Julie packs up and leaves office)
Julie
See you after New Years!
-
Assignment 18
Aleta Rafton’s Act 3 Middle Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to keep adding intensity to the action and emotional conflict to gain empathy for the hero
Act 3
Outline
Key Scene 2
Takes tracker from Jack, going it alone, oddly Shadow follows him into the darkness
Jack and Grandpa run after Hank and Shadow
Hank follows tracker guidance among piles of garbage, then piles of Christmas trees
Comes around tree sees escaped lion eating garbage with ornament dangling from his fur
Jack comes around corner, see Hank but not lion which is right behind him
Grandpa comes next sees lion but is closer to Hank
Jack start running to Hank
Lion gets up to follow him
Jack sees lion and screams
Lion gets up and shakes so ornament goes flying out onto ground
Act 3
Key Scene 1
Hank
You two have done everything you can to undermine me and make me look stupid especially to Julie. I am so sick of this! Give me that!
(Hank grabs tracker from Jack and storms off alone into the dump to find the tree with the tree. Shadow follows him leaving Jack and Grandpa standing there)
Hank
Come on Shadow. This way.
(Hank jumps at every sound. Shadow looks at him sensing his fear)
Hank
Quiet Shadow!
(Suddenly an owl flies out of nowhere, swoops down and grazes Hank’s hair. He screams!)
Hank
Aiy! Ahh!!!!
Key Scene 2
(Shadow is smelling everything and sees owl eating garbage. Shadow runs over to grab the food but the owl flies up away. They search first through garbage and then piles of trees. Hank comes around a corner and sees the scaped lion eating garbage on the ground with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank freezes in fear)
Hank
Quiet shadow! Halt!
(Shadow stops, growling at the lion. Shadow sees the owl in the tree nearby and growls at it too. Hank looks around trying to decide what to do. Lion sees Hank and starts growling at him. Lion gets up, does full body shake causing ornament to fly off, landing behind him. Shadow moves toward the lion)
Hank
Shadow stop! Stop!
(Hank sees door is open on empty container and decides to use his whip to back into the container. Jack and Grandpa run to Hank’s voice yelling at Shadow. Jack doesn’t see lion behind him but sees Hank and runs toward him)
Hank
Jack! Stop running!
(Jack turns to see lion coming for him)
Jack
Screams!
(Grandpa emerges from garbage to see chaos Hank using whip to control lion)
Hank
Jack!
(Hank uses his whip to coerce lion but it’s a struggle and the lion jumps on top of the container rather than in it)
Hank
Come on little lion! Come on!
(Hank taunts the lion while Jack and Grandpa are afraid for him)
Jack
Hank! Watch out! Be careful!
Hank
Like you care!
Grandpa
We do care! Please be careful!
Key Scene 3
(Hank coaxes lion into empty container. Grandpa and Jack slam the container door shut and flip the lock)
Jack
That was awesome Hank! You were amazing! Thank you so much!!!!
Grandpa
Yeah, that was impressive.
(Hank is surprised by their sudden admiration and not sure what to make of it)
Hank
Yeah. Really? Seriously?
(Grandpa on phone with police)
Yes ,the lion is at the City Dump locked in a container in the back of the dump near where all the trees are. Yes. Ok. You are welcome.
(Grandpa Hangs up phone)
Grandpa
Hank, really, we didn’t mean any harm. We’ve just been kidding around with you.
Key Scene 4
Hank
Not sure what to say. Not sure what to believe. You two have been pretty clear how you feel about me.
Jack
Really Han. We didn’t mean all of it.
Hank
But you meant some of it, right?
Jack
Well…..
(Jack runs and hugs Hank and Shadow joins in knocking them both over just as Hank is reaching down to pick up the ornament. Hank on the ground now with Shadow licking his face. The owl who’d been watching it all, swoops down to grab the ornament and flies off with the ornament hanging from its beak)
Jack
Oh no! No, no, no!
(Hank gets up and runs for the owl climbing over trees and garbage to catch it)
Hank
Stop you crazy bird!
(Hank bravely makes a flying leap off a tree branch and reaches out as far as he can and just barely misses grabbing the hanging ornament. The owl flies out of sight with the ornament hanging from its beak)
Hank
Oh my God!!! This can’t be happening!
Grandpa
Now what do we do???
(Hank, Jack and Grandpa watch in silence as the owl flies off. Shadow is sniffing around. Hank jumps of the tree and starts running away)
Jack
Where are you going?
Hank
The tracker has limited distance range. If we lose it now, we lose it forever!
(Hank turns on the tracker and keeps running back to the sidecar through the garbage. Shadow follows. Jack and Grandpa follow too)
Scene 4
Newsroom Interior. Story on screen of police at dump with lion in cage
Tech worker
Wonder how the lion ended up in that container?
Julie
Yeah. Pretty odd. But at least the drama is over and I can go home!
(Julie packs up and leaves office)
Julie
See you after New Years!
-
Assignment 17
Aleta Rafton’s Act 3 Reaction to Midpoint
What I learned doing this assignment is that my Act 2 Key scene 4 is actually the turning point because Jack changes and takes charge of the situation. I may have to rewrite that scene creating more problems he has to overcome which then leads to this reaction/rethink scene
Act 3
Outline
Key Scene 1
All exit parked sidecar, Shadow is sniffing, Jack holds tracking device, night
Hank realizes Jack has been seriously undermining and confronts him
Hank realizes Grandpa has not been on his side either
Key Scene 2
Takes tracker from Jack, going it alone, oddly Shadow follows him into the darkness
Jack and Grandpa run after Hank and Shadow
Hank follows tracker guidance among piles of garbage, then piles of Christmas trees
Comes around tree sees escaped lion eating garbage with ornament dangling from his fur
Jack comes around corner, see Hank but not lion which is right behind him
Grandpa comes next sees lion but is closer to Hank
Jack start running to Hank
Lion gets up to follow him
Jack sees lion and screams
Lion gets up and shakes so ornament goes flying out onto ground
Key Scene 3
Hank uses whip to back lion into empty container
Grandpa and Jack close container door tapping lion inside
Jack rushes to hug Hank who was reaching to grab ornament from ground
Grandpa calls police about lion
Key Scene 4
Owl flies down from tree and swoops up ornament just as Hank reaches for it
Hank, Jack and Grandpa watch in silence as the owl flies off
Hank admits there’s a distance range for the tracker. They may lose owl for good.
Scene 5
Newsroom where Julie works showing story that city is safe because lion was found trapped in dump in a container.
She leaves to go home
Act 3
Key Scene 1
Hank
You two have done everything you can to undermine me and make me look stupid especially to Julie. I am so sick of this! Give me that!
(Hank grabs tracker from Jack and storms off alone into the dump to find the tree with the tree. Shadow follows him leaving Jack and Grandpa standing there)
Hank
Come on Shadow. This way.
(Hank jumps at every sound. Shadow looks at him sensing his fear)
Hank
Quiet Shadow!
(Suddenly an owl flies out of nowhere, swoops down and grazes Hank’s hair. He screams!)
Hank
Aiy! Ahh!!!!
Key Scene 2
(Shadow is smelling everything and sees owl eating garbage. Shadow runs over to grab the food but the owl flies up away. They search first through garbage and then piles of trees. Hank comes around a corner and sees the scaped lion eating garbage on the ground with the ornament hanging from his neck. Hank freezes in fear)
Hank
Quiet shadow! Halt!
(Shadow stops, growling at the lion. Shadow sees the owl in the tree nearby and growls at it too. Hank looks around trying to decide what to do. Lion sees Hank and starts growling at him. Lion gets up, does full body shake causing ornament to fly off, landing behind him. Shadow moves toward the lion)
Hank
Shadow stop! Stop!
(Hank sees door is open on empty container and decides to use his whip to back into the container. Jack and Grandpa run to Hank’s voice yelling at Shadow. Jack doesn’t see lion behind him but sees Hank and runs toward him)
Hank
Jack! Stop running!
(Jack turns to see lion coming for him)
Jack
Screams!
(Grandpa emerges from garbage to see chaos Hank using whip to control lion)
Hank
Jack!
(Hank uses his whip to coerce lion but it’s a struggle and the lion jumps on top of the container rather than in it)
Hank
Come on little lion! Come on!
(Hank taunts the lion while Jack and Grandpa are afraid for him)
Jack
Hank! Watch out! Be careful!
Hank
Like you care!
Grandpa
We do care! Please be careful!
Key Scene 3
(Hank coaxes lion into empty container. Grandpa and Jack slam the container door shut and flip the lock)
Jack
That was awesome Hank! You were amazing! Thank you so much!!!!
Grandpa
Yeah, that was impressive.
(Hank is surprised by their sudden admiration and not sure what to make of it)
Hank
Yeah. Really? Seriously?
(Grandpa on phone with police)
Yes ,the lion is at the City Dump locked in a container in the back of the dump near where all the trees are. Yes. Ok. You are welcome.
(Grandpa Hangs up phone)
Grandpa
Hank, really, we didn’t mean any harm. We’ve just been kidding around with you.
-
Assignment 16
Aleta Rafton’s Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1
What I learned in this assignment is that I have to expand my story to define my characters and action more fully. I am unsure about Act 2 Key Scene 4 Midpoint scene
Act 2 Reaction to Turning Point 1
Key Scene 1
Exterior Street in front of house dusk
Hank is running as fast as he can down the street after Jack who is chasing the garbage truck with his favorite Christmas ornament dangling off the tree hanging off the back of the truck.
Beginning: Hank chases Jack for the length of the entire block
Hank
Jack, wait for me! Wait! Stop!
Jack yelling at the driver of the garbage truck
Stop! Stop!
Inside the garbage truck has on headphones and is till rocking out and can’t hear Jack or Hank
Exterior street dusk Jack has stopped chasing the garbage truck. Out of breath Hank comes up to him
Hank
I am so sorry Jack. I just can’t believe this happened. All the boxes
Jack
You and your stupid boxes!! You can’t do anything right!
Hank
Really, I was just trying to do everything perfect to prevent problems
Jack
Well, that worked out really well! Instead you created the biggest problem ever!! Good job, Hank!
Hank
Look I can buy you a new firetruck. It will be OK,
Jack
No, it won’t be OK. It will never be ok again! You have wrecked my life! Don’t you get it? How dumb are you? That was the last thing my dad gave me ever!!!!! You can’t replace it! Ever!
Hank stands in the street frozen as dusk turns to night. He can’t decide what to do. His ways don’t work.
Act 2
Key Scene 2
Exterior street night with garbage truck fading into distance
Beginning: Grandpa pulls up in motorcycle sidecar with Shadow riding in it.
Grandpa
Hop in fast! Let’s go!!!
(Hank and Jack crowd in with Shadow on Hank’s lap)
Jack
Give me some room!
Hank
I’m trying. It’s all I’ve got.
(Grandpa steps on gas hard and they all nearly fly out of the sidecar. Sidecar wobbles and tips on wheels)
Hank
Slow down! You’re way over the speed limit! You’re breaking all the rules!
Jack
Let him drive! We’ve got to catch the truck! You and your rules!! That’s how we got into this mess!
Grandpa
Jack! Enough! Hank is sorry!
Jack
Grandpa! Turn left!!!!
(Sidecar makes crazy left turn almost getting hit by city bus)
Hank
Oh my God, this is crazy!!!
(Grandpa drives crazily between squeezing between a car and a truck. Hank terrified, close his eyes. Sidecar is now even with the garbage truck)
Grandpa
Ok Hank get ready to grab it!
(Grandpa pulls up beside garbage truck, Hank opens his eyes and sees the ornament but is terrified and unable to move)
Jack
Grab Hank! Grab it now! Now!
(Hank finally reaches out but it’s too late as the garbage truck takes right turn. The sidecar keeps going straight. Suddenly there are garbage trucks going every direction and they don’t know which one to follow)
Jack
What is wrong with you? You had your chance and didn’t take it!!! Now it’s lost forever!!!
(Grandpa stops driving and pulls over to the side of the street. Hank feels like a failure. A tear rolls down Jack’s cheek)
Act 2
Key Scene 3
Exterior Everyone standing bedside parked sidecar, night. Grandpa is exhausted, Jack has a tear rolling down his cheek. Hank feels terrible, reaches into his pocket and feels the tracking device)
Hank
Wait! Everything’s going to be ok. My device. It will find it!
(Hank turns on device but nothing happens)
Hank
Never mind…I can’t believe this is happening!
(Hank is about to give up. Following the rules hasn’t worked and instead has ended in disaster)
Act 2
Key Scene 4
(Jack pulls out the batteries he removed and silently hands them to Hank who puts them in. Device turns on and starts blinking on a map and Hank tosses it to Jack. Hank jumps in to drive this time)
Hank
Let’s go! You navigate!
(Grandpa and Jack jump in but Shadow stays on the sidewalk while Hank takes off)
Jack
You left Shadow you idiot!
(Hank turns the sidecar around really fast almost throwing Grandpa and Jack out as the car tips nearly over. Hank runs a red light, picks up Shadow who now is sitting on Grandpa’s lap. Hank turns around again and starts driving faster than he ever has. Jack is watching the dot move on the device map)
Jack
Turn left! Not right! Left!!
(Hank runs another red light, dodging cars, horn blaring at the near misses. This time Grandpa is closing his eyes.)
Grandpa
You just ran a red light!
Hank
And your point is?
Jack
Turn right!
(Hank turns right racing down the road. Gradually they have left the crowded city streets now on the city outskirts)
Jack
It’s here. Your thing says it’s here! It’s actually pretty cool if this thing is right.
Hank
It is! I know it.
(They ride along in silence. Shadow and Grandpa fall asleep. See sign City Dump up ahead)
Hank has taken control. He no longer resists or fears taking action
-
Assignment 15
Aleta Rafton’s Act 2 Turning Point – Midpoint
What I learned doing this assignment is that I have not planned out enough of the details
Outline Key scene 4
Jack pulls the batteries out of his pocket that he removed earlier from the tracking device.
Hank loads batteries and the device works
Hank decides to drive sidecar
Hank opposite to his nature breaks multiple traffic laws
Hank takes charge not dominated by rules or fears
Act 2
Key Scene 4
(Jack pulls out the batteries he removed and silently hands them to Hank who puts them in. Device turns on and starts blinking on a map and Hank tosses it to Jack. Hank jumps in to drive this time)
Hank
Let’s go! You navigate!
(Grandpa and Jack jump in but Shadow stays on the sidewalk while Hank takes off)
Jack
You left Shadow you idiot!
(Hank turns the sidecar around really fast almost throwing Grandpa and Jack out as the car tips nearly over. Hank runs a red light, picks up Shadow who now is sitting on Grandpa’s lap. Hank turns around again and starts driving faster than he ever has. Jack is watching the dot move on the device map)
Jack
Turn left! Not right! Left!!
(Hank runs another red light, dodging cars, horn blaring at the near misses. This time Grandpa is closing his eyes.)
Grandpa
You just ran a red light!
Hank
And your point is?
Jack
Turn right!
(Hank turns right racing down the road. Gradually they have left the crowded city streets now on the city outskirts)
Jack
It’s here. Your thing says it’s here! It’s actually pretty cool if this thing is right.
Hank
It is! I know it.
(They ride along in silence. Shadow and Grandpa fall asleep. See sign City Dump up ahead)
Hank has taken control. He no longer resists or fears taking action
-
Assignment 14
Aleta Rafton’s Act 2 Middle Scenes
Outline Key Scene 2
Exterior street night with garbage truck fading into distance
Beginning: Grandpa pulls up in motorcycle sidecar with Shadow riding in it. Hank and Jack crowd in
Middle: Grandpa driving like maniac between cars gets close enough to garbage truck for Hank to reach and grab ornament dangling off tree
End: Hank reaches out to grab tree and misses
Beginning: Grandpa gets really close again
Middle: Hank reaches out but hesitates
End; Grandpa veers off dodging oncoming car at intersection
Beginning: Stopped at intersection waiting for light watching garbage truck
Middle: Garbage trucks going every direction,
End: Lose sight of garbage truck, unsure which one to follow
Outline Key Scene 3
Exterior Street intersection pulled over in motorcycle sidecar, all jump out
Beginning: Hank dejected puts hand in pocket and finds tracking device
Middle: Gets hopeful, turns it on, no operation light
End: Hank gives up again
Beginning: Jack gives Hank the batteries he removed.
Middle: Device works
End: All except Shadow jump back in sidecar. Grandpa starts driving on dark streets using tracker info to find tree. Jack sees shadow on corner. Grandpa does u-turn to pick up shadow and start again.
Beginning: Riding on street in sidecar, night. Now on city outskirts.
Middle: Tracker device shows it has stopped moving. Sidecar gets close and closer
End: Sidecar enters city dump.
Act 2
Key Scene 2
Exterior street night with garbage truck fading into distance
Beginning: Grandpa pulls up in motorcycle sidecar with Shadow riding in it.
Grandpa
Hop in fast! Let’s go!!!
(Hank and Jack crowd in with Shadow on Hank’s lap)
Jack
Give me some room!
Hank
I’m trying. It’s all I’ve got.
(Grandpa steps on gas hard and they all nearly fly out of the sidecar. Sidecar wobbles and tips on wheels)
Hank
Slow down! You’re way over the speed limit! You’re breaking all the rules!
Jack
Let him drive! We’ve got to catch the truck! You and your rules!! That’s how we got into this mess!
Grandpa
Jack! Enough! Hank is sorry!
Jack
Grandpa! Turn left!!!!
(Sidecar makes crazy left turn almost getting hit by city bus)
Hank
Oh my God, this is crazy!!!
(Grandpa drives crazily between squeezing between a car and a truck. Hank terrified, close his eyes. Sidecar is now even with the garbage truck)
Grandpa
Ok Hank get ready to grab it!
(Grandpa pulls up beside garbage truck, Hank opens his eyes and sees the ornament but is terrified and unable to move)
Jack
Grab Hank! Grab it now! Now!
(Hank finally reaches out but it’s too late as the garbage truck takes right turn. The sidecar keeps going straight. Suddenly there are garbage trucks going every direction and they don’t know which one to follow)
Jack
What is wrong with you? You had your chance and didn’t take it!!! Now it’s lost forever!!!
(Grandpa stops driving and pulls over to the side of the street. Hank feels like a failure. A tear rolls down Jack’s cheek)
Act 2
Key Scene 3
Exterior Everyone standing bedside parked sidecar, night. Grandpa is exhausted, Jack has a tear rolling down his cheek. Hank feels terrible, reaches into his pocket and feels the tracking device)
Hank
Wait! Everything’s going to be ok. My device. It will find it!
(Hank turns on device but nothing happens)
Hank
Never mind…I can’t believe this is happening!
(Hank is about to give up. Following the rules hasn’t worked and instead has ended in disaster)
-
Assignment 13
Aleta Rafton’s Act 2 Reaction to Turning Point 1
What I learned in this assignment is that I must keep adding action and comic relief to make the story better
Outline for Act 2 Key Scene 1, 2, 3
Exterior Street in front or house dusk
Beginning: Hank chases Jack for the length of the entire block
Middle: Hank offers to buy Jack a new similar ornament
End: Hank is frozen, can’t decide what to do
Exterior street night with garbage truck fading into distance
Beginning: Grandpa pulls up in motorcycle sidecar with Shadow riding in it. Hank and Jack crowd in
Middle: Grandpa driving like maniac between cars gets close enough to garbage truck for Hank to reach and grab ornament dangling off tree
End: Hank reaches out to grab tree and misses
Beginning: Grandpa gets really close again
Middle: Hank reaches out but hesitates
End; Grandpa veers off dodging oncoming car at intersection
Beginning: Stopped at intersection waiting for light watching garbage truck
Middle: Garbage trucks going every direction,
End: Lose sight of garbage truck, unsure which one to follow
Exterior Street intersection pulled over in motorcycle sidecar, all jump out
Beginning: Hank dejected puts hand in pocket and finds tracking device
Middle: Gets hopeful, turns it on, no operation light
End: Hank gives up again
Beginning: Jack gives Hank the batteries he removed.
Middle: Device works
End: All except Shadow jump back in sidecar. Grandpa starts driving on dark streets using tracker info to find tree. Jack sees shadow on corner. Grandpa does u-turn to pick up shadow and start again.
Beginning: Riding on street in sidecar, night. Now on city outskirts.
Middle: Tracker device shows it has stopped moving. Sidecar gets close and closer
End: Sidecar enters city dump.
Act 2 Reaction to Turning Point 1
Key Scene 1
Exterior Street in front of house dusk
Hank is running as fast as he can down the street after Jack who is chasing the garbage truck with his favorite Christmas ornament dangling off the tree hanging off the back of the truck.
Beginning: Hank chases Jack for the length of the entire block
Hank
Jack, wait for me! Wait! Stop!
Jack yelling at the driver of the garbage truck
Stop! Stop!
Inside the garbage truck has on headphones ands is till rocking out and can’t hear Jack or Hank
Exterior street dusk Jack has stopped chasing the garbage truck. Out of breath Hank comes up to him
Hank
I am so sorry Jack. I just can’t believe this happened. All the boxes
Jack
You and your stupid boxes!! You can’t do anything right!
Hank
Really, I was just trying to do everything perfect to prevent problems
Jack
Well, that worked out really well! Instead you created the biggest problem ever!! Good job, Hank!
Hank
Look I can buy you a new firetruck. It will be OK,
Jack
No, it won’t be OK. It will never be ok again! You have wrecked my life! Don’t you get it? How dumb are you? That was the last thing my dad gave me ever!!!!! You can’t replace it! Ever!
Hank stands in the street frozen as dusk turns to night. He can’t decide what to do. His ways don’t work.
-
Assignment 12
Aleta Rafton’s Finished Act 1
What I learned is that by adding dialogue my story may not be long enough. So I need to add action. My story is missing humor which I originally wanted.
Turning point: Stepdad has to find lost ornament by stepping out of his comfort zone
Character Names
Stepdad- Hank
Mom- Julie
Boy- Jack
Dog – Shadow
Firefighter dad – Elliott
Act 1 Outline
House Interior
Beginning: Stepdad is overwrapping Christmas ornaments as he takes them off tree adding tracking dot all the while boy is ridiculing him
Middle: Fire truck’s small ornament storage box falls under table.
End: Breaking News about escaped lion distracts everyone from tree. Mom gets called away to work. Stepdad thinking all ornaments are off tree, carries out the tree for garbage pickup. Dog finds empty box Boy accuses Stepdad of leaving ornament on tree on purpose.
Sidewalk/Street in front of House:
Beginning: Boy chasing garbage truck with ornament dangling off tree.
Middle: Stepdad comes running out. Stands there horrified at what he’s done
End: Stepdad realizes he has to do something to fix the problem
ACT 1
Interior Living room with Christmas Tree, TV Christmas show on, New Year’s Eve
Opening Scene: Closeup on hands of Stepdad applying tracking device locator he invented and then extremely carefully wrapping each ornament in bubble wrap and placing in storage box. Moves on to next ornament. Christmas music playing on TV show.
Widens scene to see grandpa asleep in chair watching Christmas movie. Mom is packing away ornaments in small boxes before putting them in large storage containers. Stepdad on ladder taking ornaments off tree and carefully wrapping them after applying tracker disc. Tells stepdad how much she appreciates him helping take ornaments off the tree. He mentions how much he hopes Jack likes the drone and maybe he’ll start to like him too. She mentions they need to get changed soon for the costume party.
Hank climbs down from ladder walks over to table with little boxes for ornaments, tracker dots. He carefully applies tracker dot to a discreet spot on one ornament at a time and then meticulously double wraps each ornament in bubble wrap.
Hank
Uh, I may need more bubble wrap.
(Hank almost falls over the dog as he gets off the ladder)
Jack
What a klutz!
Julie
No problem. I have lots more in the kitchen. You are doing the best job packing the ornaments up. They’ve never been treated so well! This is the best Christmas ever!
Jack
(Mutters) What a loser! Overwrapping everything. My dad would never waste so much time….(says out loud) Forgot something upstairs (leaves room, runs upstairs)
Hank
I feel like I’m losing with him. I try so hard but I don’t hold a candle next to his memory of his dad. I’m nothing like him. I really hoped he’d love the drone I gave him for Christmas and start to maybe like me.
Julie
Give him time. It will get better. You’re just really different from his dad but that’s what I love about you!
(Julie glances over at grandpa asleep)
I hope my dad is up for watching Jack when we go out and it’s not too much for him.
Scene 2 Jack’s bedroom on call with friend, flying drone in room showing friend on zoom, window open, Christmas music in background. Shadow is lying on bed
Friend
Jack that drone is sooo cool! Your stepdad is the best.
Jack
No! He’s the biggest nerd all the time but the drone is cool. He worries about everything! Always uptight, afraid everything will go wrong. So annoying! Ugh I can’t stand him! He thinks he’s so smart and can control everything. But he’s so wimpy. He spends all his time on the computer!
Friend
Well at least you have the drone.
Jack
Other than that, this was the worst Christmas ever!
(Jack is flying the drone to hover close to Shadow who starts chasing it around the room jumping all over things but always just missing catching it)
Friend
This is hilarious! Your dog is just going crazy. I want one of these to play with my cat!
Jack
I know! Shadow loves this! He can play for hours.
Friend
(You hear his mother calling him)
Got to go. My mom’s calling me
Jack
See you.
(Jack shuts down zoom call, keeps flying drone around room, then hears garbage truck through open window, stops drone and goes to look out window with Shadow to see the truck picking up discarded Christmas trees on the opposite side of the street, trees haven’t been picked on his side of street yet. Leaves the window and picks up bedside photo of him with his dad holding the firetruck ornament from their last Christmas together 4 years ago. Stares at it remembering his dad. Climbs on the bed and dog jumps up to lay beside him. Shadow licks Jack’s face and Jack hugs Shadow)
Jack
You’re the best!
(Jack jumps up and starts playing fetch with the dog tossing a dog toy around the room)
Scene 3
Living Room Living Room, Hank still removing ornaments, tagging with tracker and double wrapping ornaments. Hank and Julie now dressed for costume New Year’s Eve Party with Hank as Indians Jones with whip and Julie as his female sidekick
Hank
(singing) Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree…
Julie
Jack! We need you to come down here as we’ll be leaving soon.
(Jack comes downstairs into living room with Shadow and throws a dog toy onto sleeping grandpa by mistake. Shadow jumps on him to get toy and licks his face waking him up)
Jack
Still at it, Hank? You just might finish by next Christmas! If ever (under his breath) Ok Mom. What’s up?
Julie
Hey. I need you to help grandpa with the dishes after dinner. Make sure he takes his meds and let Shadow out before you go to bed. OK? I’m going to fix your dinners right. (she goes to kitchen)
Jack
Sure Mom, no problem. Wow, Mom, Hank seems really to be struggling with the ornaments. Is he ok? (Jack goes to help Hank take ornaments down)
Hank
Hey Jack. How’s the drone?
Jack
It’s ok.
Hank
I thought you’d really like it.
(Hank reaches for the firetruck ornament and Jack screams and Hank jumps back)
Jack
Don’t touch that! That’s mine. What’s the matter with you? (Jack applies tracking dot to it while it’s hanging on tree)
Scene 4 Kitchen
(Julie calls Hank to kitchen)
Julie
Hank can you reach this for me?
Hank
What was that about?
Julie
That’s the last Christmas gift from his dad. That firetruck means a lot to him
Hank
Sorry. No wonder he’s so upset. I feel like I can’t do anything right!
Scene 5 Living room
(To undermine Hank’s relationship with mom, when no one is looking Jack deliberately breaks an ornament Hank had carefully wrapped to prove his overwrapping is stupid. Julie and Hank come back into living room to keep removing ornaments and packing them away.)
Jack
Hey, one of the ornaments broke! Guess all your wrapping didn’t help did it? Kind a waste of time, huh?
Hank
Hmm. Wonder how that happened (obviously suspicious of how it broke)
Julie
Oh, that’s a shame but it’s so great that you’re being so careful with all these. Some are from when I was a kid! (she kisses Hank on the cheek while Jack watches and makes a face. Hank smiles at Julie making an effort to ignore Jack’s faces and comments)
(Jack eyes the tracking device controller on table and while everyone is busy, he secretly removes the batteries from the device so it won’t work and puts them in his pocket.He calls out to Hank to prove his device works.)
Jack
Hey Hank, does this thing really work? Let’s see…
(Hank grabs the device to turn it on but BREAKING NEWS comes on TV so he puts it in his pocket. Julie turns to watch the TV and unknowingly knocks the small box that the firetruck ornament belongs in under the table. They all stop what they are doing, move over closer to the tv to watch the story about the escaped lion which was formerly a trained circus lion for a few minutes.)
Grandpa
Wow. Well Look at that!
Julie
Might be kind of a big deal
Hank
How are they ever going to catch an escaped lion? Way to start the new year!
(Julie’s cell rings. It’s a frantic call from the local news studio where she is a producer)
Julie
Can’t believe this. They want me to come in right now! I promise I’ll be back for the party. I’ll just have to meet you there. I promise! Sorry guys. Be good jack. Bye. Thanks, Hank for understanding.
(Julie gives Hank another kiss on cheek. She rushes out the door for the studio to cover the story. Jack starts playing fetch with the dog throwing a dog toy across the room. Dog toy lands on grandpa who once again fell asleep. Shadow jumps on him to get toy. Hank takes the rest of the ornaments down, wraps them and when he’s out of small storage boxes, he believes the job is done. He packs up the large ornament storage box with the small boxes, seals it up and removes the tree from its stand.)
Hank
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree… I’m finished with the tree.
Jack
Finally. Took you forever!
Julie
Thanks so much, babe. Really appreciate it.
Hank
Well. I’m going to take it out front for the garbage truck. Got to hurry> I thin they’re just about here.
(Hank struggles to carry the tree out the front door practically tripping, drops it and has to pick it up again)
Jack muttering
My dad could this one hand
(Hank overhears jack but ties to ignore his cutting comment)
Scene 6: Street in front of house
Hank struggles to drag the tree to the curb unaware that the firetruck ornament is still hanging on the tree for the garbage pickup. He sets the tree down just as he sees the garbage truck is coming on their side of the street picking up discarded Christmas trees. Stepdad stands self-satisfied watching as garbage truck picks up their tree. Then he starts heading back to the house
Hank
Wow! Glad that’s done!
Scene 7: Living Room, grandpa dozing, Hank putting away the large Christmas Storage boxes into the hall closet still singing Oh Christmas Tree. Christmas show back on playing Christmas music. Jack picks up a dog toy and throws it around the room several times. Dog fetches and brings balk to keep playing the game.
Then Jack throws the toy and it lands under the table this time. The dog is under the table for a while.
Jack
Go get it! What are you doing under the table?
(The dog finds the empty firetruck box under the table and brings it out wanting to play. Boy realizes his favorite ornament must still be on the tree.)
Jack
Oh no!( screaming) You idiot!! Hank I hate you! You did this on purpose!!!! You hate my dad and you hate me!!!! You are so stupid!!
(Hank drops the box he was loading into the closet wondering what is going on and why Jack is so mad. Then he sees the dog with the firetruck box in his mouth. Dog drops the small empty box.)
Hank
Jack! I’m so, so sorry. I thought all the ornaments were off the tree. All the boxes were filled……
Grandpa
Think you’ve made a fine mess of things. Poor kid. He loved his dad so much.
(Grandpa gets up and goes to door and stands there looking out. Hank hesitates for a moment then runs out the front door after Jack)
Scene 8: Street in front of house, sunset
(Jack runs out front into the middle of the street to see the garbage truck driving off with tree and ornament hanging off back. Jack runs after the truck. Dog follows. Hank sees them and runs after the truck too. Then stops seeing he can’t catch it)
Hank (yelling)
Jack! Come back!
Scene 9: Inside the garbage truck, dusk
Driver has headphones on and is rocking out and can’t hear Jack or Hank yelling and keeps driving away
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Aleta rafton.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Aleta rafton.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by
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Assignment 11
What I learned is that I have thought through the story more clearly by outlining
Turning Point 1 Scenes
Turning point: Stepdad has to find lost ornament by stepping out of his comfort zone
Act 1 Outline
House Interior
Beginning: Stepdad is overwrapping Christmas ornaments as he takes them off tree adding tracking dot all the while boy is ridiculing him
Middle: Fire truck’s small ornament storage box falls under table.
End: Breaking News about escaped lion distracts everyone from tree. Mom gets called away to work. Stepdad thinking all ornaments are off tree, carries out the tree for garbage pickup. Dog finds empty box Boy accuses Stepdad of leaving ornament on tree on purpose.
Sidewalk/Street in front of House:
Beginning: Boy chasing garbage truck with ornament dangling off tree.
Middle: Stepdad comes running out stands there horrified at what he’s done
End: Stepdad realizes he has to do something to fix the problem
ACT 1
Interior Living room with Christmas Tree, TV Christmas show on, New Year’s Eve
Opening Scene: Closeup on hands of Stepdad applying tracking device locator he invented and then extremely carefully wrapping each ornament in bubble wrap and placing in storage box. Moves on to next ornament. Christmas music playing on TV show.
Widens scene to see grandpa asleep in chair watching Christmas movie. Mom is packing away ornaments in small boxes before putting them in large storage containers. Stepdad on ladder taking ornaments off tree and carefully wrapping them after applying tracker disc. Tells stepdad how much she appreciates him helping take ornaments off the tree. He mentions how much he hopes stepson likes the drone and maybe he’ll start to like him too. She mentions they need to get changed soon for the costume party.
Scene 2: Interior boy’s room. Can hear Christmas music in background, street outside boy’s window just before sunset
Boy is on zoom call with friend after completing assembly of the small drone gift from his stepdad. Operates drone in room for his friend to see. Friend says stepdad is cool but boy says no, he’s a nerd and can’t stand him. Boy picks up photo of his Dad and tells friend that his Stepdad is absolutely nothing like his dad. Boy glances out his bedroom window watching garbage trucks picking up discarded Christmas trees in front of houses on the opposite side of the street. Boy continues using drone in his room.
Scene 3: Living room with tree and TV
Mom calls out boy to help finish taking ornaments off tree reminding him they are leaving soon for NY Eve costume party and grandpa will watch him. Stepdad and Mom are now dressed as Indiana Jones with a whip and his female sidekick. Boy and dog come bouncing into room. Dog licks sleeping grandpa and wakes him. Boy starts taking ornaments off tree with Stepdad. Mom leaves living room for kitchen to get food ready for boy and grandpa before she leaves.
Boy ridicules/imitates Stepdad wrapping ornaments in front of mom as she’s leaving. Boy is muttering within earshot of his mom about what a jerk the Stepdad is. Boy complains they will never finish taking ornaments off the tree.
Stepdad reaches to remove the boy’s favorite ornament off the tree when the boy screams “STOP! Don’t touch that” The boy’s firefighter dad gave him the firetruck ornament the last Christmas before he died. Boy announces he’ll put the tracker dot on it while it’s hanging from the tree.
Stepdad freezes and looks at the mom.
Scene 4: Kitchen
She calls Stepdad into kitchen and explains quietly about the ornament.
Scene 5: Living room
To undermine Stepdad’s relationship with mom, when no one is looking the boy deliberately breaks an ornament the Stepdad had carefully wrapped to prove his overwrapping is stupid.
Inciting Incident: As the boy watches, Mom kisses Stepdad on cheek telling how much she appreciates his effort even though one ornament broke. Stepdad smiles at mom pretending to be oblivious to the boy.
Transformational Events: Boy sees tracking device unit on table and while everyone is busy, he secretly removes the batteries from the device so it won’t work. He calls out to his Stepdad to prove his device works. Just as Stepdad grabs it and is about to turn it on a Breaking News story comes on.
Transformational Event 1: Not realizing she knocked the small box for the firetruck ornament under the table, Mom and everyone else all stop what they are doing, move over closer to the tv to watch the story about the escaped lion which was formerly a trained circus lion for a few minutes. Mom gets frantic call from local News studio where she is a producer to rush to the studio to cover the story but promises to be back in time for the party. Still in costume she races off for work promising to be back in time for the party unknowingly leaving the empty box under the table.
Boy starts playing fetch with the dog throwing a dog toy across the room. Dog toy lands on grandpa who once again fell asleep. Dog jumps on him to get toy.
Stepdad takes the rest of the ornaments down, wraps them and when he’s out of small storage boxes, he believes the job is done. He packs up the large ornament storage box with the small boxes, seals it up and removes the tree from its stand.
Scene 6: Street in front out house, dusk
Stepdad struggles to take the tree with the firetruck ornament still hanging on it out front for the garbage pickup just as he sees garbage truck is coming on their side of the street picking up discarded Christmas trees. Stepdad stands watching as garbage truck picks up their tree.
Scene 7: Living room
Inciting Incident: Boy throws toy and it lands under the table this time and the dog finds the empty firetruck box under the table and brings it out wanting to play. Boy realizes his favorite ornament must still be on the tree. He runs out front to see the garbage truck driving off with tree and ornament hanging off back.
Stepson screams at Stepdad furious and insulting him as incompetent and nerdy and leaving the ornament on the tree on purpose. Boy runs out of house.
Scene 8: Inside garbage truck, dusk
Driver has on headphones and is rocking out so he can’t hear the boy and keeps driving
Scene 9: Sidewalk and street in front of house, dusk
Feeling horrified Stepdad follows the boy out the front door. He’s standing there frozen in fear as he watches the boy chasing the garbage truck down the street screaming for the driver to stop. Stepdad realizes he must chase the garbage truck and get the ornament back or he will never be forgiven by his stepson and possibly his mom. Then he starts running too.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Aleta rafton.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by
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Assignment 11
What I learned is that I have thought through the story more clearly by outlining
Turning Point 1 Scenes
Turning point: Stepdad has to find lost ornament by stepping out of his comfort zone
Act 1 Outline
House Interior
Beginning: Stepdad is overwrapping Christmas ornaments as he takes them off tree adding tracking dot all the while boy is ridiculing him
Middle: Fire truck’s small ornament storage box falls under table.
End: Breaking News about escaped lion distracts everyone from tree. Mom gets called away to work. Stepdad thinking all ornaments are off tree, carries out the tree for garbage pickup. Dog finds empty box Boy accuses Stepdad of leaving ornament on tree on purpose.
Sidewalk/Street in front of House:
Beginning: Boy chasing garbage truck with ornament dangling off tree.
Middle: Stepdad comes running out stands there horrified at what he’s done
End: Stepdad realizes he has to do something to fix the problem
ACT 1
Interior Living room with Christmas Tree, TV Christmas show on, New Year’s Eve
Opening Scene: Closeup on hands of Stepdad applying tracking device locator he invented and then extremely carefully wrapping each ornament in bubble wrap and placing in storage box. Moves on to next ornament. Christmas music playing on TV show.
Widens scene to see grandpa asleep in chair watching Christmas movie. Mom is packing away ornaments in small boxes before putting them in large storage containers. Stepdad on ladder taking ornaments off tree and carefully wrapping them after applying tracker disc. Tells stepdad how much she appreciates him helping take ornaments off the tree. He mentions how much he hopes stepson likes the drone and maybe he’ll start to like him too. She mentions they need to get changed soon for the costume party.
Scene 2: Interior boy’s room. Can hear Christmas music in background, street outside boy’s window just before sunset
Boy is on zoom call with friend after completing assembly of the small drone gift from his stepdad. Operates drone in room for his friend to see. Friend says stepdad is cool but boy says no, he’s a nerd and can’t stand him. Boy picks up photo of his Dad and tells friend that his Stepdad is absolutely nothing like his dad. Boy glances out his bedroom window watching garbage trucks picking up discarded Christmas trees in front of houses on the opposite side of the street. Boy continues using drone in his room.
Scene 3: Living room with tree and TV
Mom calls out boy to help finish taking ornaments off tree reminding him they are leaving soon for NY Eve costume party and grandpa will watch him. Stepdad and Mom are now dressed as Indiana Jones with a whip and his female sidekick. Boy and dog come bouncing into room. Dog licks sleeping grandpa and wakes him. Boy starts taking ornaments off tree with Stepdad. Mom leaves living room for kitchen to get food ready for boy and grandpa before she leaves.
Boy ridicules/imitates Stepdad wrapping ornaments in front of mom as she’s leaving. Boy is muttering within earshot of his mom about what a jerk the Stepdad is. Boy complains they will never finish taking ornaments off the tree.
Stepdad reaches to remove the boy’s favorite ornament off the tree when the boy screams “STOP! Don’t touch that” The boy’s firefighter dad gave him the firetruck ornament the last Christmas before he died. Boy announces he’ll put the tracker dot on it while it’s hanging from the tree.
Stepdad freezes and looks at the mom.
Scene 4: Kitchen
She calls Stepdad into kitchen and explains quietly about the ornament.
Scene 5: Living room
To undermine Stepdad’s relationship with mom, when no one is looking the boy deliberately breaks an ornament the Stepdad had carefully wrapped to prove his overwrapping is stupid.
Parents come back into living room to keep removing ornaments and packing them away. Boy shows them one of the ornaments is broken. Boy says well all that stupid wrapping didn’t work, did it? Stepdad is suspicious about how it broke but says nothing.
Inciting Incident: As the boy watches, Mom kisses Stepdad on cheek telling how much she appreciates his effort even though one ornament broke. Stepdad smiles at mom pretending to be oblivious to the boy.
Transformational Events: Boy sees tracking device unit on table and while everyone is busy, he secretly removes the batteries from the device so it won’t work. He calls out to his Stepdad to prove his device works. Just as Stepdad grabs it and is about to turn it on a Breaking News story comes on.
Transformational Event 1: Not realizing she knocked the small box for the firetruck ornament under the table, Mom and everyone else all stop what they are doing, move over closer to the tv to watch the story about the escaped lion which was formerly a trained circus lion for a few minutes. Mom gets frantic call from local News studio where she is a producer to rush to the studio to cover the story but promises to be back in time for the party. Still in costume she races off for work promising to be back in time for the party unknowingly leaving the empty box under the table.
Boy starts playing fetch with the dog throwing a dog toy across the room. Dog toy lands on grandpa who once again fell asleep. Dog jumps on him to get toy.
Stepdad takes the rest of the ornaments down, wraps them and when he’s out of small storage boxes, he believes the job is done. He packs up the large ornament storage box with the small boxes, seals it up and removes the tree from its stand.
Scene 6: Street in front out house, dusk
Stepdad struggles to take the tree with the firetruck ornament still hanging on it out front for the garbage pickup just as he sees garbage truck is coming on their side of the street picking up discarded Christmas trees. Stepdad stands watching as garbage truck picks up their tree.
Scene 7: Living room
Inciting Incident: Boy throws toy and it lands under the table this time and the dog finds the empty firetruck box under the table and brings it out wanting to play. Boy realizes his favorite ornament must still be on the tree. He runs out front to see the garbage truck driving off with tree and ornament hanging off back.
Stepson screams at Stepdad furious and insulting him as incompetent and nerdy and leaving the ornament on the tree on purpose. Boy runs out of house.
Scene 8: Inside garbage truck, dusk
Driver has on headphones and is rocking out so he can’t hear the boy and keeps driving
Scene 9: Sidewalk and street in front of house, dusk
Feeling horrified Stepdad follows the boy out the front door. He’s standing there frozen in fear as he watches the boy chasing the garbage truck down the street screaming for the driver to stop. Stepdad realizes he must chase the garbage truck and get the ornament back or he will never be forgiven by his stepson and possibly his mom. Then he starts running too.
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Assignment 10
What I learned doing the last 2 assignments is that I needed to add scenes and events to the story more interesting, more compelling and develop the relationship between the Stepdad and Stepson better.
Inciting incident: Losing boy’s favorite ornament which also was last gift from dad before he died
Turning point: Stepdad has to find lost ornament by stepping out of his comfort zone
ACT 1
Interior Living room with Christmas Tree, TV Christmas show on, New Year’s Eve
Opening Scene: Closeup on hands of Stepdad applying tracking device locator he invented and then extremely carefully wrapping each ornament in bubble wrap and placing in storage box. Moves on to next ornament. Christmas music playing on TV show.
Widens scene to see grandpa asleep in chair watching Christmas movie. Mom is packing away ornaments in small boxes before putting them in large storage containers. Stepdad on ladder taking ornaments off tree and carefully wrapping them after applying tracker disc. Tells stepdad how much she appreciates him helping take ornaments off the tree. He mentions how much he hopes stepson likes the drone and maybe he’ll start to like him too. She mentions they need to get changed soon for the costume party.
Scene 2: Interior boy’s room. Can hear Christmas music in background, street outside boy’s window just before sunset
Boy is on zoom call with friend after completing assembly of the small drone gift from his stepdad. Operates drone in room for his friend to see. Friend says stepdad is cool but boy says no, he’s a nerd and can’t stand him. Boy picks up photo of his Dad and tells friend that his Stepdad is absolutely nothing like his dad. Boy glances out his bedroom window watching garbage trucks picking up discarded Christmas trees in front of houses on the opposite side of the street. Boy continues using drone in his room.
Scene 3: Living room with tree and TV
Mom calls out boy to help finish taking ornaments off tree reminding him they are leaving soon for NY Eve costume party and grandpa will watch him. Stepdad and Mom are now dressed as Indiana Jones with a whip and his female sidekick. Boy and dog come bouncing into room. Dog licks sleeping grandpa and wakes him. Boy starts taking ornaments off tree with Stepdad. Mom leaves living room for kitchen to get food ready for boy and grandpa before she leaves.
Boy ridicules/imitates Stepdad wrapping ornaments in front of mom as she’s leaving. Boy is muttering within earshot of his mom about what a jerk the Stepdad is. Boy complains they will never finish taking ornaments off the tree.
Stepdad reaches to remove the boy’s favorite ornament off the tree when the boy screams “STOP! Don’t touch that” The boy’s firefighter dad gave him the firetruck ornament the last Christmas before he died.
Stepdad freezes and looks at the mom.
Scene 4: Kitchen
She calls Stepdad into kitchen and explains quietly about the ornament.
Scene 5: Living room
To undermine Stepdad’s relationship with mom, when no one is looking the boy deliberately breaks an ornament the Stepdad had carefully wrapped to prove his overwrapping is stupid.
Parents come back into living room to keep removing ornaments and packing them away. Boy shows them one of the ornaments is broken. Boy says well all that stupid wrapping didn’t work, did it? Stepdad is suspicious about how it broke but says nothing.
Inciting Incident: As the boy watches, Mom kisses Stepdad on cheek telling how much she appreciates his effort even though one ornament broke. Stepdad smiles at mom pretending to be oblivious to the boy.
Transformational Events: Boy sees tracking device unit on table and while everyone is busy, he secretly removes the batteries from the device so it won’t work. He calls out to his Stepdad to prove his device works. Just as Stepdad grabs it and is about to turn it on a Breaking News story comes on.
Transformational Event 1: Not realizing she knocked the small box for the firetruck ornament under the table, Mom and everyone else all stop what they are doing, move over closer to the tv to watch the story about the escaped lion which was formerly a trained circus lion for a few minutes. Mom gets frantic call from local News studio where she is a producer to rush to the studio to cover the story but promises to be back in time for the party. Still in costume she races off for work promising to be back in time for the party unknowingly leaving the empty box under the table.
Boy starts playing fetch with the dog throwing a dog toy across the room. Dog toy lands on grandpa who once again fell asleep. Dog jumps on him to get toy.
Stepdad takes the rest of the ornaments down, wraps them and when he’s out of small storage boxes, he believes the job is done. He packs up the large ornament storage box with the small boxes, seals it up and removes the tree from its stand.
Scene 6: Street in front out house, dusk
Stepdad struggles to take the tree with the firetruck ornament still hanging on it out front for the garbage pickup just as he sees garbage truck is coming on their side of the street picking up discarded Christmas trees. Stepdad stands watching as garbage truck picks up their tree.
Scene 7: Living room
Inciting Incident: Boy throws toy and it lands under the table this time and the dog finds the empty firetruck box under the table and brings it out wanting to play. Boy realizes his favorite ornament must still be on the tree. He runs out front to see the garbage truck driving off with tree and ornament hanging off back.
Stepson screams at Stepdad furious and insulting him as incompetent and nerdy and leaving the ornament on the tree on purpose. Boy runs out of house.
Scene 8: Inside garbage truck, dusk
Driver has on headphones and is rocking out so he can’t hear the boy and keeps driving
Scene 9: Sidewalk and street in front of house, dusk
Feeling horrified Stepdad follows the boy out the front door. He’s standing there frozen in fear as he watches the boy chasing the garbage truck down the street screaming for the driver to stop. Stepdad realizes he must chase the garbage truck and get the ornament back or he will never be forgiven by his stepson and possibly his mom. Then he starts running too.
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Assignment 9
Aleta Rafton’s Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned writing this is that I can create events to amplify the relationship between the protagonist and the antagonist
I did not add dialog yet
ACT 1
Interior Living room with Christmas Tree, TV Christmas show on, dusk New Year’s Eve
Opening Scene: Closeup on hands of Stepdad applying tracking device locator he invented and then extremely carefully wrapping each ornament in bubble wrap and placing in storage box. Moves on to next ornament. Christmas music playing on TV show.
Stepdad and Mom are dressed as Indiana Jones with a whip and his female sidekick for a costume New Year’s Eve Party they are going to shortly.
Boy ridicules/imitates Stepdad wrapping ornaments in front of mom. Boy is muttering within earshot of his mom about what a jerk the Stepdad is. Boy complains they will never finish taking ornaments off the tree.
Stepdad reaches to remove the boy’s favorite ornament off the tree when the boy screams “STOP! Don’t touch that” The boy’s firefighter dad gave him the firetruck ornament the last Christmas before he died.
Stepdad freezes and looks at the mom. She explains quietly about the ornament.
To undermine Stepdad’s relationship with mom, when no one is looking the boy deliberately breaks an ornament the Stepdad had carefully wrapped to prove his overwrapping is stupid.
Inciting Incident: As the boy watches, Mom kisses Stepdad on cheek telling how much she appreciates his effort even though one ornament broke. Stepdad smiles at mom oblivious to boy.
Transformational Events: Boy secretly removes batteries from the tracking device so it won’t work and calls out to his Stepdad to prove his device works. Just as Stepdad pulls it out of his pocket and is about to turn it on…
Inciting Incident: News story comes on TV about how lion escapes zoo distracting everyone from the job of taking the ornaments down.
Transformational Event 1: They all pause to watch the TV story about the escaped lion which was formerly a trained circus lion for a few minutes. Stepdad takes the rest of the ornaments down, wraps them and takes tree out for garbage pickup.
Mom gets call from local News studio where she is a producer to cover the story. Still in costume she runs off for work but promises to be back in time for the party.
Stepdad gets distracted by TV news leaving his stepson’s favorite ornament on tree as he puts it out for garbage truck.
Inciting Incident: Stepson realizes favorite ornament was still on tree. He runs out front to see the garbage truck driving off with tree and ornament hanging off back.
Stepson screams at Stepdad furious and insulting him as incompetent and nerdy. Boy runs out of house chasing garbage truck.
Feeling horrified Stepdad follows the boy out the front door realizing he must chase the garbage truck and get the ornament back or he will never be forgiven by his stepson and possibly his mom
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Assignment 8
Aleta Rafton’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned from this assignment is that defining what the story is really about and developing the antagonist journey adds depth to the story making it more believable.
Story is really about fear of change. Loss of old rigid rules for living symbolized by loss of stepson’s ornament as connection to his dad also can lead to personal gain. Stepdad has to let go of rigid rules and old self image to become the man he imagines himself to be and the boy has to let go that of the idea that only his dad was worthy and that he could actually like and respect someone very different from his dad
Antagonist Journey: Stepson/Boy in the Beat Sheet
Ridcules/imitates stepdad wrapping ornaments in front of mom
Tries to undermine Stepdad’s relationship with mom by breaking ornament Stepdad carefully wrapped
Yelling at Stepdad while he’s driving causing him to make the wrong turn and lose the garbage truck
Screams ‘I knew you couldn’t do it. You’re such a wimp!’ when Stepdad fails to grab ornament off tree in back of garbage truck
Secretly removes battery from Stepdad’s tracker so it won’t turn on
Taunts Stepdad that he’s too afraid of lion
Blames Stepdad as inept and intentional that he didn’t grab ornament before owl takes it
Dares Stepdad to go on ledge on top of One Times Square
ACT 1
Interior Living room with Christmas Tree, TV on
Opening: Closeup Stepdad slowly, carefully taking ornaments off Christmas tree and bubble wrapping them.
Stepdad and Mom are dressed as Indiana Jones with a whip and his female sidekick for a New Year’s Eve Party they are going to shortly.
Boy ridcules/imitates Stepdad wrapping ornaments in front of mom. Boy is muttering within earshot what a jerk the Stepdad is and complains they will never finish taking ornaments off the tree.
Tries to undermine Stepdad’s relationship with mom by deliberately breaking ornament Stepdad carefully wrapped to show his way is stupid.
Transformational Event 1: News story comes on TV about how lion escapes zoo distracting everyone from the job of taking the ornaments down. They all pause to watch for a few minutes. Stepdad takes the rest of the ornaments down and takes tree out for garbage pickup.
Mom gets call from News studio where she is a producer to cover the story. Still in costume she takes off for work but promises to be back in time for the party.
A perfectionist thinking it will prevent any problems, Stepdad is carefully and methodically wrapping ornaments as he takes them off the tree. He gets distracted by TV news leaving his stepson’s favorite ornament on tree as he puts it out for garbage truck.
Inciting Incident: Stepson realizes favorite ornament was still on tree as he runs out front to see the garbage truck driving off with tree and ornament hanging off back.
Stepson screams at Stepdad furious and insulting him as a man. Runs out of house chasing garbage truck
ACT 2
Stepdad and stepson in car chasing garbage truck on NYC street, Dusk
Opening: Stepdad jumps in the car speeding to catch the garbage truck, running red lights, turning without signaling; all things unthinkable just hours earlier
Transformational Event 2: He reaches out to grab ornament in moving vehicle and misses. Screams ‘I knew you couldn’t do it. You’re such a wimp!’ when Stepdad fails to grab ornament off tree in back of garbage truck.
Inciting Incident: Yelling at Stepdad while he’s driving causing him to make the wrong turn and lose the garbage truck. Dozens of garbage trucks going every direction. Lose sight of tree. All hope lost.
Inciting incident: Boy has removed batteries from tracker trying to mess with Stepdad.
Transformational Event 3: Stepdad has backup batteries in pocket and turns on tracker relying on unproven device hoping to solve the problem
ACT 3
Opening: Interior car, night has fallen
Stepdad and boy in car following tree with tracker to dump. Boy is furious and can’t even look at his Stepdad. Feels hopeless and lashes out at Stepdad.
Arrive at dump, night
Get out of car wandering among piles of trees and garbage.
Use tracker to locate tree amongst lots of trees
Inciting incident: Find tree at dump. Boy taunts Stepdad that he’s too afraid of lion causing instant panic in Stepdad.
Locate tree, run toward it then see lion that escaped from the zoo eating garbage with ornament dangling on his mane.
Transformational Event: Stepdad perseveres because he has whip training and uses whip to knock ornament loose and back lion back into empty cage.
Inciting incident: Owl in tree watching
Transformational Event: As Stepdad runs to retrieve ornament, owl swoops in to steal ornament just a Stepdad is about to grab it. Boy Blames Stepdad as inept and intentionally not grabbing ornament before owl takes it
Interior newsroom: Lots of screens showing coverage of where lion was found
Mom in newsroom working on story city is safe because lion was found trapped in dump in a container. She leaves to go home
Act 4
Opening: Inside car: night, lots of traffic on street
Transformational incident: Owl lands on top of the New Year’s Eve Ball that drops from the top of One Times Square
Inciting incident: Follow tracker to One Times Square when tracker stops.
Boy is angry, hopeless and discouraged, silent.
Transformational Event: Stepdad sees boy’s pain, parks, jumps out with boy following tracker to top of building to get ornament
Inciting Incident: They see owl with ornament hanging from beak sitting on top of New Year’s Eve Ball. Dares Stepdad to go on ledge on top of One Times Square. Accuse Stepdad ob being a coward the opposite of his dad,
Transformational event: Though afraid of heights, Stepdad climbs out on top of building ledge high 25 stories above ground.
He has to jump to scaffolding to get close enough to use his whip as a rope swing. Using whip he swings over to owl on ball and grabs ornament from owl’s beak.
Swings back and gets big hug from stepson
Return Home: Inside house living room with tv
TV News showing lion trapped in container
Stepdad and boy enter home, with ornament as Mom asks how was your evening
Answer We had a Roaring good time
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Assignment 7
Aleta Rafton’s Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is to work fast in logical order to get story developed
ACT 1
Interior Living room with Christmas Tree, TV on
Opening: Closeup Stepdad slowly, carefully taking ornaments off Christmas tree and bubble wrapping them. Boy is muttering within earshot what a jerk the Stepdad is, mimics him and complains they will never finish taking ornaments off the tree. Stepdad and Mom are dressed as Indiana Jones with a whip and his female sidekick for a New Year’s Eve Party they are going to shortly.
Transformational Event 1: News story comes on TV about how lion escapes zoo distracting everyone from the job of taking the ornaments down. They all pause to watch for a few minutes. Stepdad takes the rest of the ornaments down and takes tree out for garbage pickup.
Mom gets call from News studio where she is a producer to cover the story. Still in costume she takes off for work but promises to be back in time for the party.
A perfectionist thinking it will prevent any problems, Stepdad is carefully and methodically wrapping ornaments as he takes them off the tree. He gets distracted by TV news leaving his stepson’s favorite ornament on tree as he puts it out for garbage truck.
Inciting Incident: Stepson realizes favorite ornament was still on tree as he runs out front to see the garbage truck driving off with tree and ornament hanging off back.
Stepson screams at Stepdad furious and insulting him as a man. Runs out of house chasing garbage truck
ACT 2
Stepdad and stepson in car chasing garbage truck on NYC street, Dusk
Opening: Stepdad jumps in the car speeding to catch the garbage truck, running red lights, turning without signaling; all things unthinkable just hours earlier
Transformational Event 2: He reaches out to grab ornament in moving vehicle and misses
Inciting Incident: Dozens of garbage trucks going every direction. Lose sight of tree. All hope lost.
Transformational Event 3: Stepdad turns on tracker relying on unproven device hoping to solve the problem
ACT 3
Opening: Interior car, night has fallen
Stepdad and boy in car following tree with tracker to dump. Boy is furious and can’t even look at his Stepdad. Feels hopeless and lashes out at Stepdad.
Arrive at dump, night
Get out of car wandering among piles of trees and garbage.
Use tracker to locate tree amongst lots of trees
Inciting incident: Find tree at dump
Locate tree, run toward it then see lion that escaped from the zoo eating garbage with ornament dangling on his mane.
Transformational Event: Stepdad has whip training and uses whip to knock ornament loose and back lion back into empty cage.
Inciting incident: Owl in tree watching
Transformational Event: As Stepdad runs to retrieve ornament, owl swoops in to steal ornament just a Stepdad is about to grab it. Loses hope needs new plan
Interior newsroom: Lots of screens showing coverage of where lion was found
Mom in newsroom working on story city is safe because lion was found trapped in dump in a container. She leaves to go home
Act 4
Opening: Inside car: night, lots of traffic on street
Transformational incident: Owl lands on top of the New Year’s Eve Ball that drops from the top of One Times Square
Inciting incident: Follow tracker to One Times Square when tracker stops.
Boy is angry, hopeless and discouraged, silent.
Transformational Event: Stepdad sees boy’s pain, parks, jumps out with boy following tracker to top of building to get ornament
Inciting Incident: They see owl with ornament hanging from beak sitting on top of New Year’s Eve Ball.
Transformational event: Though afraid of heights, Stepdad climbs out on top of building ledge high 25 stories above ground.
He has to jump to scaffolding to get close enough to use his whip as a rope swing. Using whip he swings over to owl on ball and grabs ornament from owl’s beak.
Swings back and gets big hug from stepson
Return Home: Inside house living room with tv
TV News showing lion trapped in container
Stepdad and boy enter home, with ornament as Mom asks how was your evening
Answer We had a Roaring good time
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Assignment 6
Aleta Rafton’s Transformational Events
I learned to break my story into logical action steps
CHARACTER ARC
Stepdad starts as a weak character shrinking under the verbal abuse and ridicule from his stepson. He’s compulsively overwrapping Christmas ornaments he’s taking off the tree fearing they will break otherwise. He jumps and starts at small noises and is overly fearful. To retrieve the stepson’s favorite ornament given to him as a last Christmas present from his deceased dad which he left on the tree as it went to recycling, the stepdad must overcome all his fears and take drastic action breaking many of his rigid rules. He takes risks so his life transforms from fearful and weak to confident and strong which also results in transforming a bad relationship into a good relationship with stepson
OLD WAYS
Fearful
Overly cautious
Not confident
NEW WAYS
Confident
Brave
Fearless
CHANGES- 6-8 changes/steps to go from old ways to new ways
Sequence easiest to most difficult
Act 1
A perfectionist thinking it will prevent any problems, Stepdad is carefully and methodically wrapping ornaments as he takes them off the tree. He gets distracted by TV news leaving his stepson’s favorite ornament on tree as he puts it out for garbage truck.
Act 2
Stepdad jumps in the car speeding to catch the garbage truck, running red lights, turning without signaling; all things unthinkable just hours earlier
He reaches out to grab ornament in moving vehicle
Turning on tracker relying on unproven device hoping to solve the problem
Act 3
Stepdad has whip training and uses whip to control lion
Terrified he runs right up to lion to retrieve ornament
Owl swoops in to steal ornament just a Stepdad is about to grab it
Owl flies off landing on top of the New Years Eve Ball that drops from the top of One Times Square
Act 4
Though afraid of heights, Stepdad climbs out on top of building ledge high 25 stories above ground. He has to jump to scaffolding to get close enough to use his whip as a lasso to retrieve ornament.
Overcomes fears to retrieve ornament and become hero to his stepson
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Assignment 5
Aleta Rafton’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is how important the details of the conflict are.
Concept: Insecure computer programming genius becomes confident in his ability to deal with people problems not just inanimate computer problems
Main Conflict: Stepson wants Stepdad out of his life and so undermines and exposes his weaknesses whenever he can.
Old Ways: Very cautious, afraid to take risks, uncertain, allows stepson to ridicule and abuse
New Ways: Willing to take risks, stands up for self, confident
ACT 1
Opening: Closeup Stepdad slowly, carefully taking ornaments off Christmas tree and bubble wrapping them. Boy is muttering within earshot what a jerk the Stepdad is, mimics him and complains they will never finish taking ornaments off the tree. Stepdad and Mom are dressed as Indiana Jones with a whip and his female sidekick for a New Year’s Eve Party they are going to shortly.
Turning Point: News story come on TV about how lion escapes zoo distracting everyone from the job of taking the ornaments down. They all pause to watch for a few minutes. Stepdad takes the rest of the ornaments down and takes tree out for garbage pickup. Mom gets call from News studio where she is a producer to cover the story. Still in costume she takes off for work but promises to be back in time for the party. Stepson realizes favorite ornament was still on tree as he runs out front to see the garbage truck driving off with tree and ornament hanging off back.
Stepson screams at Stepdad furious and insulting him as a man. Runs out of house chasing garbage truck
ACT 2
Reaction: Stepdad horrified at his mistake while everyone blames him especially stepson. Their bad relationship just got a lot worse.
New Plan: Stepdad has to rescue the ornament at all costs but he reveals he had installed a tracking device on all the ornaments but it was in the test phase. Regardless he turns it on just in case it works and they need it.
Plan In Action: Stepdad jumps in car, picks up the boy halfway down the street and chases the garbage truck visually. Boy is nonstop berating Stepdad making him more nervous and error prone. Rattled he turns left when he should have turned right.
Midpoint Turning Point: They get close enough to the tree hanging off the back of truck but the Stepdad just can’t risk reaching farther to grab it and the truck pulls away. Boy is screaming for Stepdad to just reach farther but he freezes and can’t. Just as they get close again, the garbage truck makes a right turn and suddenly there are about 50 trucks going every different way. They lose the truck and the ornament visually and now must rely on Stepdad’s tracking device. They get stuck in traffic and watch as the signal gets farther and farther away.
ACT 3
Rethink Everything: Stepdad realizes he can no longer play it safe, has to be more daring and that he must act fast, use all his knowledge or he will fail. Realizes boy’s criticism reminds him of his dad’s criticism and makes him freeze instead of act.
Boy is furious and can’t even look at his Stepdad. Feels hopeless and lashes out at Stepdad.
New Plan: Now using tracker they go the large garbage dump where all the trucks are. Following the tracker signal inside the dump, they come through large pile of trees, see ornament on tree, run toward it then see lion that escaped the zoo eating garbage near the tree.
Turning Point: Huge Failure / Major Shift: Stepdad uses whip to tame former circus lion that had escaped from zoo. The lion drops the ornament. Just as the Stepdad rushes to get it just as an owl swoops down startles the Stepdad who freezes again and grabs the ornament and flies off.
Boy was momentarily impressed by Stepdad taming lion and was just beginning to admire him when the owl came leaving the boy feeling all is lost again. Boy comments on Stepdad’s fears, lack of courage and screams he just wants the Stepdad to go away forever.
ACT 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of conflict: Using the tracker, they see the owl who is holding the ornament in his beak has landed on top of the New York Times New Year’s Eve Ball. Stepdad and son race to One Times Square, get up to the top of the building where the owl is on the ball. Stepdad overcomes fear, steps on ledge uses whip to lasso the ornament and
Resolution: Stepdad is now also a hero to his stepson. Mom never knew about adventure.
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Assignment 4
Aleta Rafton’s Character Interviews
I learned a lot of details about my characters especially their feelings and what is motivating them.
Protagonist Questions Stepdad
Tell me about yourself I am a mid 30’s computer highly skilled programmer, not very athletic, married for 2 years to a widow with an 11 year old boy
Why do you think you were called to this journey? I need to change but also the boy needs to change and we can each lead other to be bigger people
What about the boy makes this journey more difficult for you? He’s still sad over the loss of his firefighter dad, doesn’t want me to get close to him feeling it harms his memories of his dad
What changes do you have to make and what will be most difficult? I need to stop giving up before even trying something or after the first attempt. I must persevere to succeed.
What habits/ways of thinking do you need to let go? I need to let go of my fears of making mistakes and thinking of myself as limited
What fears, insecurities, wounds have held you back? My father was extremely critical of me growing up so I have become obsessed with trying to prevent making mistakes and inhibiting my even trying something if I had doubts that I could succeed
What skills, background, expertise makes you well suited to face conflict/antagonist? Compassionate, intelligent, integrity, tutored kids during college
What are you hiding from others? That I trained to use a whip to be more like Indiana Jones, brave, fearless
What do you think of stepson? I think he’s having a hard time and even though he knows better he can’t control his negative attitude because he’s so conflicted
Tell me your side of this conflict? My goal is to have a good relationship with the boy but am struggling to make that happen and find common ground
What does it do for your life if you succeed here? A good relationship with the boy would make daily life happier for everyone in the family and would affirm I can succeed out of my comfort zone. I’d become a better person
Antagonist Questions Boy
Tell me about yourself I am 11 years and my firefighter dad died 4 years ago during a fire. My mom married a computer nerd 2 years ago
Why do you think you were called to this journey? I’m not happy but am angry, sad, miss my dad and I’m mean to my stepdad. Part of me knows I need to change
What about the stepdad makes this journey more difficult for you? He is just so weird, nerdy and afraid of everything. There’s so little I like about him. I don’t want him to replace my dad. At the same time I want to be a good kid and have a nice happy life
What changes do you have to make and what will be most difficult? I will have to stop saying mean things, talking under breath about him, making fun of him. It will be most difficult to do activities, spend time with him and become friends.
What are your strengths and weaknesses? I need to control my habit of immediately feeling grossed out and embarrassed by him
Why are you committed to making the Stepdad fail? I’m afraid if I get close to my Stepdad it will take away from my memories of my dad so I need to make my mom see what a jerk he is so she will get rid of him
What do you get out of getting rid of the Stepdad If he’s gone I won’t have to feel disloyal to my dad or be embarrassed by him anymore
What drives you toward your mission even in the face of ruining your family life: I feel powerless and want to have control over who is in my life
What secrets must you keep in order to succeed? I don’t want my mom to know how much I want my Stepdad gone and I don’t want anyone, especially my Stepdad, to know I like computers and programming like he does
Compared to other people like you, what makes you special? I’m more determined to get rid of my Stepdad
What do you think of Stepdad? I think my Stepdad is weak, fearful and embarrassing
Tell me your side of this conflict? My mom brought this guy, my Stepdad, into my life when I don’t want another dad so I do everything I can think of to make him look bad especially in my mom’s eyes.
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Aleta Rafton’s Character Profiles
I learned my characters have more complexity than I originally gave them making them more interesting and vulnerable.
CHARACTER PROFILE STEPDAD
WHAT DRAWS US TO THIS CHARACTER? We are drawn to his earnestness and effort to do the right thing despite being motivated by caution and fear of making a mistake. Though we see him as limited by his behavior we hope he will overcome the limitations and have a fuller life. He tells his wife he wishes her son (the boy) liked him and that he was more like what the boy wanted to me to be.
TRAITS: Overly cautious, lacks confidence, compliant, computer genius
SUBTEXT: Inwardly upset by boy’s dismissive, critical treatment however shrugs it off so no one knows
FLAW: Stuck in a paradigm he doesn’t like, kid and dog hate him
VALUES: Family, doing the right thing, respect of others
IRONY: Despite being weak and fearful he has whip training and so tames the lion to rescue the ornament
WHAT MAKES THIS THE RIGHT CHARACTER FOR THIS ROLE? He’s aware his weaknesses limit his life, fantasizes about being fearless and deep down believes he can overcome his weaknesses.
CHARACTER PROFILE BOY
WHAT DRAWS US TO THIS CHARACTER? We are sympathetic to boy’s plight of losing his much loved dad and having to deal with a Stepdad who is the complete opposite of his dad and who his mother adores.
TRAITS: Angry, dismissive, quick to judge, smart
SUBTEXT: Strong disdainful atttitude for Stepdad even though he feels bad about treating him this way because he know it’s unwarranted
FLAW: Hurt and anger keep him from seeing good in others
VALUES: Family, doing the right thing
IRONY: Though very athletic and energetic he loves computers and creating his own apps
WHAT MAKES THIS THE RIGHT CHARACTER FOR THIS ROLE? Being the stepson forces the Stepdad to confront his fear and weaknesses
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I learned to focus and stay on track with my characters. I realize my story is about two people who both experience transformations but one is more the protagonist and the other the antagonist.
Aleta Rafton’s Character Profiles Part 1
Action/Comedy
Protagonist Hero
Stepdad
To recover the boy’s favorite Christmas ornament he inadvertently left on the tree which was picked up by the garbage truck, Stepdad has to take risks and do dangerous things he never would do before.
Age: Mid 30’s
Internal Journey: From feeling fearful to confident by taking risks
External Journey: Goes from nerdy computer geek to lion tamer hero
Motivation: Make up for mistake and win respect of boy
Wound: Ridiculed growing u for being fearful and unathletic
Mission/Agenda: To recover lost ornament he forgot on tree
Secret: Knows how to use whip
Specialness: Brilliant computer wiz
Antagonist Change Agent
Boy Age 11
Boy whose firefighter father died a few years ago after giving the boy a firetruck Christmas ornament. The boy challenges the stepdad’s ability to live a full life rather than be constrained by his fear and extreme caution.
Age:11
Internal Journey: From feeling angry and judgmental to understanding and open
External Journey: Goes from dislike and disdain for Stepdad to admiration and trust
Motivation: Get his favorite last gift from his dad back
Wound: Mourning loss of dad. Loss of ornament amplifies loss
Mission/Agenda: To recover lost ornament Stepdad forgot on tree
Secret: Is afraid a lot too especially of wild animals
Specialness: Loves computers, creating his own locator app
Supporting Characters:
Mom/Widow 30’s who chose Stepdad because he was so opposite of her first husband
Grandpa 60’s for comic relief 60’s
Lion formerly entertainment lion now in zoo that escapes
Garbage truck driver 20’s wearing headphones, rocking out while driving
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Aleta Rafton’s Transformational Journey
Assignment 1
What I learned is to clarify the character’s journey and to persist despite doubts.
Stepdad Transformational Journey
The Stepdad a 35 year old computer geek goes from being weak and afraid to confident in himself to deal with anything and developing good relationship with stepson
Arc beginning: nerdy, overly cautious, afraid of almost everything
Arc Ending: confident, calm, good relationship with stepson, feels good about self
Internal Journey
Extremely cautious and not willing to risk to get what he wants until life situations force him to act differently
External Journey
Takes risks which bring results so his life opens leading to good relationship with stepson
Old Ways
Fearful
Overly cautious
Not confident
New Ways
Confident
Brave
Fearless
Boy Transformational Journey
Boy 11 goes from being angry, intolerant and critical of stepdad to good relationship with stepdad
Internal Journey
Dislike for stepdad who is opposite of firefighter dad evolve into respect and trust because events force him to rely on his stepdad so he sees new side to stepdad leading the boy to become more tolerant of people’s differences.
External Journey
Goes from avoiding stepdad to wanting to spend time with him
Arc beginning: closed off from stepdad, aloof,
Arc Ending: more open to different types of people
Old Ways
Angry
Closed off
Intolerant/Critical
New Ways
Happy
Open
Sees good in Stepdad