[Alison Benson]

What I learned doing this assignment is I wouldn’t have known about all these emotions and how they played out in a romcom. I can see there are more opportunities but I’ve done one of each for starters. This exercise just elevated my script AGAIN!!

Attraction Scene 4: As Ina speaks, she gets closer into the hedge, she leans in, falls through, she’s made a large gaping hole. Dave catches her. Their eyes lock, there’s an immediate connection – An officer and a gentleman moment. Ina strokes his huge arms around her, takes his flower from behind his ear, puts it behind her ear, she misses, it falls into the hedge. Dave stands her upright. She stoops to get his flower, apologises, he says don’t worry, says she doesn’t feel too well, leans into the bush, throws up. Dave pulls her hair back. She gets up, thank you. Dave hesitates, you’re welcome.

Desire scene 7: Ina is squished between Dave’s huge legs and the dog that has put her head on Ina’s lap.
Dave changes the gear stick that hits her leg. Ina: thank you. Dave: you’re welcome. Dave looks away , smiles. Ina looks away, smiles.

Yearning scene 8: Dave offers to drive her back, the dog jumps in first, moves over for her. She tells the dog, that’s okay, I kind of liked the middle.

Doubt scene 11: We’ll never win first prize if we have so much grass. It needs to be a sanctuary for men to come and relax. If they’re going to relax, they need grass to relax on. Grass is a waste of space, there’s a time and place for grass and it’s not here. So how do they relax. On chairs. You can put a little bit of grass there between the flowers. And don't get me started on the path. We need rows of trees with fruit, not a path. Ina: Make it productive and aesthetic. Dave: Make it practical and relaxing. If we can’t agree on this, there’s no moving forward.

Jealousy scene 23: Shell comes beside her. Shell: maybe it’s meant to be. Ina: Dad was happy. I don’t understand. At the garden last week. Shell: your father thought you were talking about the garden, not the two of you. Ina: you’re wrong. Shell: you think your dad would be okay with this? He won’t change. People don’t change, remember? And we know what men are like, narcissists, losers. Your words. BETRAYAL Ina: You’re right. I thought he saw something different in me. How could I ever compete with that skin and that body. Shell: I’m just protecting you from more hurt later on.

• This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  Alison Benson.

[Alison Benson]

What I learned doing this assignment is that adding comedy is hard. I always heard that comedy writers are the most intelligent. I get it. It’s so much subtext. I managed to one example of each, but had to ‘slave’ over it. I can see by attempting, it does get a little baby step easier to spot the opportunities.

1. Misinterpretation: when Dave speaks to Bernard, Ina’s dad, about him and Ina being an item, Bernard thinks he’s talking about the gardening project and is consequently overjoyed they finally saw eye to eye.

2. Comedic Surprise: Matt’s magazine with the religious cover has the footy magazine inside.

3. Wildly Inappropriate Response: Mata and Shell (best friends of mc) have a flirtatious rant, Shell referring to Mata being Dave’s bodyguard with all his tattoos.

4. Forced union of incompatibles Dave and Ina thrown together on the community garden project, their ideas clash immediately.

5. Embarrassment Dave is embarrassed when his mother goes through all his footy injuries, the rest of the family pipe in and add on.

• This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  Alison Benson.

[Alison Benson]

Title: Petals and Pathways.

What I learned doing this assignment is that every time I learn something new, I have to come back to edit. I decided to jump between the Screenwriting Mastery course and the Romcom course which has proven very beneficial as I realize I was completely off topic for my first attempt at this. My original ‘bigger story’ focused too much on the love story and not the bigger picture. A huge learning curve.

Concept: Ina, a passionate florist, volunteers to work on a community project to win the organization first prize but clashes with Dave, the landscaper, who has opposing ideas on what makes a winning garden.

Main conflict: Ina and Dave have opposing ideas of what makes the perfect garden. She wants delicate, formal arrangements, he wants bright bold tropical flowers. Their views of love and life clash using the garden as the analogy as they slowly bond over shared values and traditions.

Opening: Ina, Jewish, is creating yet another wedding floral arrangement discussing with Shell, her best friend, her bad dating experiences, ‘the path to happiness is this (she holds up list).it’s impossible to tick all the boxes(NOTE add list).’ ‘Whose happiness? To a customer – . There are too many obstacles in the way of true love. You don’t think true love overcomes the obstacles? Customer: can vibrant and delicate combine? Ina shakes her head, can’t mix flowers that don’t belong together even if they are from the same family. Yours or your father’s? I owe it to them, particularly you grandpa, she looks at the holocaust tattoo on his arm. Grandpa says your boxes shouldn’t be about what colour, or what food you eat or what side of the bridge you live on – they should be about integrity, honesty and basic human kindness. it’s okay to have differences but it’s what you share that makes the difference all the more important. .
Action – Montage of three failed dates speaking to Shell, her grandpa, a random customer. 1. At Shabbats dinner, the date picks out the matza balls – her grandpa’s matza balls – loser. 2. It’s Shell’s boyfriend – taken. 3. Ina in sick in bed, date visits, she vomits into a bucket, she struggles with her hair, he won’t hold her hair back – narcissist. To Shell: my life is no fun, I’m going back to the good old days when we partied, now that’s happiness.

Meet Dave, Polynesian, on a landscaping job with Mata, his partner. (Action during) The owner’s dog runs out the garden, Dave runs after it, walking back, he puts a baby bird back in its nest, helps a lady unpack her car. Dave tells Mata can’t trust women, Mata: the humiliation was excessive – given, Women can’t be trusted with feelings. They are selfish and flakey. See flashback of Dave wanting to make an announcement in front of his family and friends at a function. Some Polynesian dancing has finished, the girls are stunning. Dave stands up with the microphone, there’s silence. His grandma watches with pride. He looks for one of the dancers. He says to her, he has set up his landscaping business with his partner (Mata), volunteers almost every weekend on a community project and now wants that special someone by his side – holds up a small box. Gasps from the guests. The girlfriend is in the crowd looking meek. He asks her to come up. She shakes her head. Everyone gasps again. He smiles, come up…, she shakes her head again. He steps down to her: … Will you, she puts her finger on his lips. Shh Dave. Let me speak. I love you Dave, I do, but I can’t marry you. You’re just too content with everything… you always focus on your little projects, your family, who I love dearly, but where’s your ambition? Where's your drive? you’re stuck and I can’t be dragged down with you. I tried to make it work but you weren’t willing to push yourself. I need more. This isn’t on me, this is on you. Take responsibility. You can’t expect me to be a landscapers wife forever. I do love your tats though. Whispers – and the sex was good. She leaves. Dave is left speechless. His grandma shakes her head in dismay.

Ina drives with her grandpa (MENTOR) to a wedding she’s the florist for. All the good ones are taken anyway, the rest are losers or narcissists. Particularly the good looking ones. There’s no one. Your paths are running parallel but they will cross when you least expect it. I cannot find someone that ticks all the boxes. Grandpa tells her to your boxes shouldn’t be about what colour, or what food or what side of the bridge you live on – they should be about integrity, honesty, basic human kindness. Her radar detector goes off – phew! 3rd save. Grandpa: good purchase.

MEET CUTE: meet at Ina’s brother’s bar mitzvah/Dave’s nephews hair cutting, in the garden.
At her brother’s bar mitzvah, her parents have set her up with someone, she has a couple of drinks at the bar, leaves the room quickly with Shell. One of the guests, a man, tells her not to drive.
In a garden outside, they hear drumming from a function room next door. They climb up on a bench to peer over, they’re Polynesian. Ina admires the flowers but they’re very bold. Two men are sitting on a bench on the other side. The girls jump back. The men are Dave and Mata. Dave asks, what’s wrong with the flowers? Ina: pretty but gregarious. Dave: that is true of people too. Ina is taken back – that’s rich coming from a man. What’s the issue with women? Their flakey. Ina: because they know the good ones are taken and all that’s left are the losers and narcissists. Dave turns to Mata – which one am I? Ina: Love doesn’t exist. Dave: i second that. She leans in, falls through the bushes. Dave catches her. There’s an immediate connection. An officer and a gentleman moment.

ATTRACTION/FLIRTING: After their moment, Ina isn’t feeling too good, wiggles out of his arms, throws up. Dave grabs her hair. Ina is surprised. He offers to drive her home. Yeah right. I don’t know you. No seriously, I will. Mata: You’re quite safe, it’s what he does, he rescues things. I’m not a thing. She’s not a thing. No you’re not. They realize it can’t be real and go their separate ways when each of their family events call them back.
Inciting incident: Ina back at work focusing on other people’s happiness. Grandpa asks her to help on the men’s shed garden project for a competition. First prize is money for renos. Ina agrees. She’ll come after work.

Ina is late, she speeds. Is pulled over by a police car – her radar didn;’t go off. The policeman is the man from the wedding who told her not to drink and drive. While he’s writing the ticket, the radar goes off. They’re illegal you know.‘You need a good Jewish man to drive you around.’ ‘Not you too?’ Come on, I’ll give you a ride.
The police car drives into the mens shed garden. Ina gets out, thanks the policeman, sees her grandpa speaking to someone, his back to her. Grandpa introduces the man, it’s Dave. It’s awkward. I thought it good if you both worked together.
(NOTE: NEED A SCENE AT THE MEN’S SHED GARDEN) DENIAL: it is awkward for them to see each other and wonder how the other got there neither knew the other was coming. They deny there was a connection.

(End Act 1) Turning point: FORCED TOGETHER: Dave offers to help Ina with her deliveries after work as he finishes early. She does need someone with a big truck.

Act 2: 20 to 30 pages — Challenge the Old Ways:
Reaction:There’s definitely an attraction there on both sides but It goes against both their belief that the opposite sex are untrustworthy and to protect their culture.

New Plan: WORKING THROUGH ISSUES AND DIFFERENCES in the men’s shed project. They begin with their designs on paper. Ina’s is a checklist with boxes to tick. Their ideas clash. Ina wants pastels and intricate designs, ordered, safe. Dave wants bright, tropical colours with bold designs, risky. Grandpa watches from afar, smiles. Ina’s dad arrives to have a look, meet Dave, instantly likes him. – (NOTE the dad can clash with Ina )
Dave invites Ina to his mother’s birthday. She makes some floral arrangements, he picks her up. There’s an umu, ukuleles, dancing, Ina fits in well, enjoys the community and family connection. Dave watches her from a distance, he’s definitely attracted. His grandma sees this. Mata is concerned about Dave getting serious about someone from outside his culture. He doesn’t want the culture lost. (NOTE: The grandma says something to him about it being okay)
Ina invites Dave to a Shabbats dinner, He fits in well. Her dad and grandpa have gotten to know Dave. Ina is definitely attracted, only grandpa sees this. Is a bit concerned about Ina’s dad if he finds out romance could be blossoming. Dave loves the matza balls.
Ina makes a delivery to a wedding and is harassed by a drunk guest. Dave, helping with the delivery, escorts the guy out. Ina sees his integrity.

Turning Point 2: (Midpoint) Ina and Dave at the end of a big day of deliveries, sit on the top of dave’s truck to watch the sunset. Ina asks about Dave’s tattoos. He explains the family, the heritage, (Not sure – the legend of Ina and the Shark.) She tells Dave about her Grandpa surviving the holocaust as a child and his tattoo. That for some people, it’s a reminder. Dave is very sympathetic. He can see that. First kiss.

Act 3: They are definitely an item, they must tell their families.
Rethink: At the men’s shed, the landscaping and gardening ideas begin to gel.
New plan: Individually, they both have to think how to tell her parents. Dave agrees to, Ina won’t – she can’t imagine doing this to her parents and grandpa. They’d never forgive her.

Turning point (Huge failure/major shift): HATE/BETRAYAL/ALL HOPE IS LOST. The judges have been to all the community gardens and will declare the winner at the men’s shed. Ina and Dave’s family and many others are there. Ina’s dad has concerns about the huge variety of things in the garden – why so many elements? Grandpa says to him, sometimes risks are worth taking. Life isn’t always a list of boxes to tick.
Dave’s ex-girlfriend who appears. The ex asks to speak to Dave. Ina watches from a distance. She looks at her dad still pondering over the garden, turns to Dave and the ex – who is btw gorgeous! The ex wants back in. She was wrong, she’ll make it work. Ina hears, is devastated, she walks away to her dad, he is right, the garden was all a big mistake. The ex carries on, Dave, you are good enough for her, I’m not a victim, I’m a survivor. Ina’s back is to him.
Dave pulls away from the ex, she walks away in a huff. Your loss.
Dave is agitated, looks for Ina, she’s gone. He’s asked to say a few words about the final project before the announcement is made. As he speaks he looks for Ina. She can’t get far, she has no license. Dave makes a speech about how the garden and landscaping came together. What started out as two opposing views from different sides of a bridge, actually gelled to make something beautiful because that’s what community does, that’s what families do – they come together…

Act 4: test the change in the character, prove new ways.:
Climax//Ultimate expression of the conflict: … your boxes shouldn’t be about what colour, or what food or what side of the bridge you live on – they should be about integrity, honesty, basic human kindness. Ina steps into view. Dave’s eyes are on her. it’s okay to have differences but it’s what you share that makes the differences all the more important. Ina looks at her grandpa, he shrugs. Her dad is confused – what’s going on here?

LOVE HAPPENS:Ina realizes she misjudged Dave. She must face her father. Dave makes an announcement that he loves Ina. The hope for love is still alive causing Ina to confront her father. Please dad, he ticks the right boxes. Kathleen (Ina's mum) takes Bernard (Ina's dad's) hand. He looks lost. Grandpa slaps him on the back. The tie of family and community will prevail making their union unique and strong and part of the new ever changing world we live in.
Ina declares her love for Dave.
Their project wins second place – a jumping castle.

Resolution: They set up a xmas tree and a chanukah menorah in the men’s shed garden with the jumping castle. Children everywhere, an umu is raised, matza ball soup dished out, ukuleles play hava nagila. The couple reunite as better human beings who are truly “made for each other!” . Kathleen says- oh your children are going to be gorgeous, I wonder what colour they’ll be? Mum!

• This reply was modified 6 months, 2 weeks ago by  Alison Benson.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 2 weeks ago by  Alison Benson.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 2 weeks ago by  Alison Benson.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 2 weeks ago by  Alison Benson.

[Alison Benson]

THE ROMCOM TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY

What I learned doing this assignment is that every time I do another assignment, the story improves. My goal is to get the characters layered.
I also can feel the plot improving by incorporating it with the visible tangible goal as a metaphor for the theme.

INA
INITIAL STATE:
Ina keeps checklists of everything in her life, from running her floristry business, creating a very controlled garden at her grandpa’s ‘mens shed’ in a competition first prize cash for shed renos and what she wants in life partner – to love her family, to love her grandpa’s matzo balls, to make her laugh, to be Jewish – she owes this to her Holocaust survivor grandpa to keep the legacy of the culture alive. After a series of unsuccessful dates with the only box ticked is “Jewish”, – she tears the last one up, There is no one out there.

MEET-CUTE MOMENT

Ina is in the garden with her best friend, Shell, at her brother’s bar mitzvah. There’s another function next door. The girls challenge a couple of guys about what makes a good life partner which doesn’t exist. They stand near a tall hedge. They listen to two men discussing women and relationships, one makes a joke, this is Dave. Ina smiles, it was clever. She banters with him. Ina’s argument – the way it works – good ones are taken, or they’re losers or narcissists particularly the good looking ones. Dave responds that women are flakey, untrustworthy, and they don’t really know what they want. Ina says she knows exactly what she wants. How’s that working for you? Ina and Dave lean into the hedge on their respective sides. Ina loses her footing and falls through. Dave catches her.
Their eyes meet – Dave is huge and gorgeous.
They have an Officer and a Gentleman moment.
Ina takes the frangipani from behind his ear.

INITIAL CHALLENGES

Ina needs a driver for a big order as she’s lost her license speeding. She calls Shell, a courier, no one is available. She calls the customer to say she’ll be there asap. They tell her, they have a big van, they’ll send it around. The van belongs to Dave.
She is invited into Dave’s function. His family are very excited to meet someone Jewish after all, they are God's chosen people.
Ina invites Dave to a Shabbat dinner – as her driver. He has tattoos so tells him it’s 'customary' to wear long sleeves at Shabbat. She doesn’t want her grandpa to see the tattoos since he’s a holocaust survivor. Dave loves the matzo balls, loves the family, tells good stories, everyone is entertained, her brother adores him, he rolls up his sleeves, everyone is in awe at the size of his arms and his tattoos.
Ina goes to church with Dave, looks up expecting something – thunder, lightning. Since it’s an evangelist church, there’s lots of singing and dancing and rock music.
Dave helps Ina with the men’s shed garden. Ina is very structured with her plan.
Dave has creative ideas, he makes a new plan, Ina takes it but hides it under a rock. She won’t budge from her plan.
Dave has no issue entering Ina’s world, Ina has lots of issues entering Dave’s.

MAJOR CONFLICT/OBSTACLE

– with every date, things get worse for Ina, better for Dave. Ina doesn't know how to manage her growing feelings for him and her checklist. He ticks every box but is not Jewish.
– Ina sneaks away to see Dave.
– Dave’s family show her how to put down an umu, Ina’s grandpa shows Dave how to make matzo balls.
– Dave takes her to a footy game, Ina takes him to …
She lies to Dave that she's told her family and lies to her family that she and Dave are together.
At a shabbat dinner, the lies are exposed.
Dave apologizes to Ina’s family and leaves.

SELF-REFLECTION

Ina takes longer to accept she has feelings for Dave.

ACCEPTANCE AND GROWTH

Ina's Grandpa, her mentor, tells her to go after him. Sharing your life is not about ticking every box, it’s not easy compromising – it's an opportunity to make the family grow, be unique, be better.
Dave is gone.

DEMONSTRATE THE CHANGE

The next day, she goes to the men’s shed garden with her grandpa. It’s in full bloom, very beautiful but without character. Grandpa hands her Dave’s plan, it has extra elements that add to its beauty. She begins to make the changes. Grandpa goes inside, dials the phone, says hi to Dave.
It’s nightfall, Ina is exhausted. Dave’s van arrives.
He stands at the edge of the garden. He nods, it’s good.
Ina apologizes for lying, it was this box on her checklist, she owed it to her grandpa, says she can be flexible, change is good.

REUNION

Ina realizes it’s okay not to have all your boxes ticked and even though being Jewish was a big one, love conquers all, that we need to look at the similarities, not the differences. Dave reminds her of what their cultures have in common. Food, family, stories, food.

DAVE
INITIAL STATE

A gentle muscly giant, Polynesian, covered in tattoos, unlucky with a long term girlfriend who cheated on him and mocked his romantic gestures leaving him in pain.
He sees women as being flakey, untrustworthy and not knowing what they want.
He loves his culture – myths and legends, food, family.
He’s a painter by trade.
He does everything for everyone.

MEET-CUTE MOMENT

Dave is at his nephew's hair cutting ceremony, is outside with best mate, Mata, discussing how he will give up on dating for a while. The hurt was too much. He and Ina begin a discussion through a dividing hedge about what makes a good life partner but both agree it is unattainable. Dave catches her when she falls through the hedge. He didn;t expect her to be so pretty.

INITIAL CHALLENGES

Their issues make an appearance — either internally or externally.
Dave likes Ina but is reluctant to get into another relationship because he doesn’t trust any woman’s motive. He offers to help her with her deliveries.
He is interested to attend a Shabbat dinner and is the centre of attention.
Ina is shocked.
Dave offers to help with the men’s shed garden, he has creative ideas.

MAJOR CONFLICT/OBSTACLE

-The challenges explode, forcing the couple apart and clearly showing what needs to change for them to be together.
– When Dave discovers she’s been lying about them, he leaves her Shabbat dinner. He feared it was too good to be true.

SELF-REFLECTION
Dave is more accepting of Ina in his life.
The hope for love is still alive which means Dave still thinks about Ina even though she lied.

ACCEPTANCE AND GROWTH

Mata encourages Dave to go with his feelings despite being the one that didn;t want Ina in their lives because she isn;t Polynesian.

DEMONSTRATE THE CHANGE

Dave sees she made changes in her rigid garden, she has proven she’s prepared to compromise and accepts her apology. Dave lets her back in.

REUNION

Dave reminds her life isn’t a checklist. No more boxes.

• This reply was modified 6 months, 3 weeks ago by  Alison Benson.

[Alison Benson]

What I learned doing this assignment is that I was jumping back and forth on the outline to align the seven stages. It's a complex job that requires huge concentration but totally worth it as every day the story improves. Does anyone agree?

The 7 Stages of Love:

1. Meet-Cute – while at her brother’s bar mitzvah, on an alcohol induced opinionated discussion about all men being schmucks, Ina tiptoes outside with her best friend. There is a very ‘exotic’ Polynesian man, Dave nearby with his friend. They are at a hair cutting ceremony in a function room next door. He and Mata confirm women can’t be trusted with feelings. Ina rants on, stumbles, he catches her. Both react harshly then mellow to an Officer and a Gentleman moment then react harsh again.

2. Attraction/Flirting – Dave is asked to drive Ina for her deliveries, it’s awkward. She is invited to come and join in the umu at his parents home. She is very animated, his family love her. Dave is very attracted, she catches him looking at her, she smiles back.

3. Denial – Ina is worried this is too good to be true and she will eventually be humiliated and beside that, he’s the wrong religion anyway. How will her family react? She can’t see how the relationship can ever work.

4. Separation/Forced Together – Dave continues to drive her around for her deliveries and agrees to help with the men’s shed garden. He’s smitten with her, but still won’t open up. She asks him out.

5. Working through Issues/Differences – fun and games – differences and similarities in cultures, Dave begins to open up realizing they have a lot in common – family is everything, traditions and stories.

6. Hate/Betrayal/All Hope is Lost – Mata tells Ina their relationship can’t work, he tells her Dave is engaged to a Polynesian, that’s the way it should be, you stay with your kind and we stay with ours. The ex-girlfriend arrives on the scene wanting to get back with Dave. Ina sees them together, assumes the worse. She knew Dave has no integrity.

7. Love Happens – Ina is reminded by her grandpa that Dave is oozing with integrity – there’s a montage of flashback when he was gallant and honest. Her grandpa tells her to go get him. She apologizes for not trusting him. He tells her he was jilted, it’s hard to trust again too but he is in love with her.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Alison Benson.

[Alison Benson]

Alison's 'Bigger' Story
There's a lot here!!

1. Brainstorm at least 5 ideas for each of these and select the one or combination you like best for your bigger story.
A. What interesting world could this movie/show be set in?
90s, Australia, suburban
Futuristic, spaceships
Prehistoric, cavemen
Modern day with social media
Part animation
B. What major conflict could be happening?
How do two cynical love deniers, trust that true love exists?
Two 20 somethings – she’s Jewish, a daddy’s girl, is fed up with bad blind dates, he’s Polynesian, a devout Evangelist, jilted twice, is fed up with romance.
Because the garden must be finished by a certain date, Ina ropes Dave into helping her since he’s driving her around anyway but Dave is not going to fall for that old trick again after all, women can’t be trusted.
Needs garden to be finished by certain date for a specific reason – maybe funding cut off for the rest of the nursing home and it must be finished by then to be eligible. This puts pressure on her. She brings it out on him.
She doesn’t want him to know that it’s too much pressure to date someone not Jewish and having him on the job is a lot of exposure with questions being asked..
She injures herself so he has to take over the job with her bossing him around.
Something or someone keeps vandalizing the garden.
He loses his licence so both are stuck.
C. What intriguing situation could these characters be engaged in?
Attending each others family functions keeping their relationship a secret.
Cultural differences that add to their issues.
Cultural similarities that allow them to see what they have in common.
2. Turn that bigger story into a 3-Act or 4-Act structure.
Act 1:
Opening
1990s, Ina, late 20s imagines her perfect life. A drop dead gorgeous boyfriend, a field of flowers, her parents smiling, their focus on his Star of David around his neck, Ina is swept off her feet, literally. Reality interrupts. Ina is in her mother’s garden, a rather ordinary looking man steps out followed by her mother. He’s wearing the Star from her dream. Mother: ‘Well if it isn’t… have you eaten?” Ina: “No mum, not him” or something not very nice to that effect.
Ina is in a series of matchmaking dates, she is rude and dismissive to all the suitors, her parents particularly her dad throws his arms up. She gives her dad a hug. Please dad, don’t set me up, I’ll find my own. Her grandpa: “There are plenty more fish in the sea yet to surface”. Ina : if there are plenty more fish, maybe they’re swimming on the other side of the bridge. Her parents give her a look. Grandpa whispers, don’t go there. She doesn’t need a man, she has her unit, her best friend, Shell, her florist business, her mother’s garden, and her family. Grandpa to parents: Maybe she’ll meet someone at her brother's Bar mitzvah next weekend. Ina: I heard that, they’re all schmucks.
Dave, early 30s, has a gorgeous face and muscular body. He’s large, reserved, has firm boundaries. He sings at a evangelist church with an even more gorgeous singing partner, his girlfriend. All the girls swoon. A series of dates with his girlfriend who tries to make him talk, she walks out on him at dinner, in bed, at the church. His grandma wacks him over the head, open up!
Ina visits her grandpa, he’s setting up a men’s drop-in shed. The building and garden are run down. There’s a gardening competition, first prize is money. Ina says she will beautify it and win. On her way home, a police car is behind her, siren on, her speed camera then goes off. Her licence is canceled. At home, her father tells her she needs a good Jewish husband, he’ll drive you wherever you want. Ina rolls her eyes.
Dave is in his unit with Mata, his best mate. Mata tells him he has to open up and speak to women. Dave doesn’t trust them, he’s been gaslit and made a mockery off one too many times. (montage of times)
Inciting Incident
Ina’s brother’s bar mitzvah, Ina and Shell, in an alcohol induced opinionated judgemental discussion about how all men are schmucks, the futility of love, that it’s impossible to find anyone decent, all the good ones are gone, need to look ‘across the bridge’ so to speak. They stumble into the hallway. Dave is standing there with his best mate Mata. They’re at a hair-cutting ceremony function next door. Mata discusses how women are like puff pastry, they look good on the outside but once you touch them, are flakey. Ina hears. What a schmuck! Dave asks what a schmuck is. You! A Loser. Ina continues on her rant about shmucks then is distracted by the flowers she arranged. She stumbles, Dave grabs her. Oh please, you’re kidding me right? He looks into her eyes, There’s an Officer and a Gentleman moment. Both dismiss the thought, exchange unkind words, walk back to their functions with a final word of contempt, then look back at different times.
Turning Point
Shell is in the shop, she dropped her off. Ina needs a van for a big delivery. She calls the customer, they say they will send a van. The van arrives, Dave gets out. Both Dave and Ina are cordial but stick it to each other. Dave’s grandma is with him. She smiles at the ranting. Dave drives Ina to the venue, his mother’s home, it’s her 50th. The grandma asks Ina to come inside. She winks at Dave, Dave makes wide syes – a definite, no. Ina makes wide eyes, a definite no. Grandma goes to wack Dave, he ducks, says okay. Ina reluctantly goes in and is warmly welcomed. She chats about how beautiful everything is and the food so good. They are intrigued she’s a vegetarian, how can someone not eat meat? Dave watches her, and is attracted. She catches a glimpse of him watching and smiles back.
Act 2:
New plan
Ina asks Dave, since he’s driving her with her deliveries, could he help her on Sunday with the garden at the men’s shed. She tells him about the shelter. Dave has church, did she want to come? She can’t, she may be struck down or something. He agrees to help after church. He doesn’t think he’ll be struck down.
Plan in action
Dave helps in the garden. She talks, he listens. He’s a schmuck, he definitely doesn’t open up, she can be so judgy. He likes how she’s kind to her grandpa. He asks her to a footy game. She is hesitant. She reminds them, they’re only friends. Dave thinks because he’s brown. Ina thinks her parents will disown her because he’s not Jewish.
The footy day goes well. Tell sher the story of Ina and the Shark.
Ina invites Dave to Friday night Shabbat dinner – as friends. Dave is frustrated.
More dates that compare cultural differences. His family eat with their fingers, her family eat with knife and fork. He cooks food in the ground. Her family in the oven. His family has extended family around all the time, everyone is called aunty and uncle… it’s complicated.
Ina asks about his tattoos, forbidden in Jewish culture, this leads to the first…
Midpoint Turning Point
… kiss. Ina stays the night with Dave’s.
Act 3:
Rethink everything
A. They have multiple insights into why things weren’t working – she is concerned he’s not Jewish, he’s concerned she could bail on him because her standards are so high.
B. They see that the Old Ways won’t cut it anymore. She can’t be judgemental. He can’t think all women are flakey.
C. They must up their game, which means they must change! Ina needs to be honest with her family. Dave needs to open up and trust her.
New plan
Is it time they let each other in? Ina tells Dave her grandpa is a holocaust survivor and preserving the religion is paramount. She owes it to him. Dave tells her he’s been stood up and treated pretty badly all his life because of (points to himself) this. Ina says really? It’s because of (she taps his heart), you won’t let anyone in.
They see what they have in common – family, extended family, community, stories.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Dave’s ex arrives on the scene. She promises him she is back for good. Dave appears to be in. Ina can’t compete with her looks. Her mum arranges new blind dates. This is where she is again.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Ina with a date, Dave arrives unexpectedly. Parents think this is nice of her friend to come again. Mother: ‘Well if it isn’t… have you eaten?” Dave to Ina: There is nothing with her. Ina says he’s Shell’s boyfriend. Parents are concerned about Shell’s parents, has she told them. She plays along, she doesn’t want Ina to tell the truth. The brother blurts out she saw Ina and Dave kissing. Parents see what’s happened. Ina accuses Dave of being a schmuck letting the cat out of the bag. Dave accuses her of being gutless, a hypocrite and not accepting him the way he is.
Dave leaves the house after putting out a small fire from the Shabbath candles. Father and mother in shock, look at grandpa for advice: if she’s happy, that's enough. Dave walks out. Grandpa tells Ina go get him, true love doesn’t come around all that often but when it does, grab it with that fishing line. (something to that effect)
Resolution
Ina takes her car, she has no licence, chases Dave. police stop her.
Dave sees in review mirror, turns his car around.
Ina explains her predicament to the police who recognize her, Dave offers to take her home. She apologizes to Dave but he was also not being truthful, why did he agree to see the ex? He’s sorry too, he wanted to tell her there’s no relationship and that he’s in love with someone else. She wacked him across the head. Ina says she’s sorry she lied. They kiss. Our kids will be cute…
Last scene is the mens shed, the garden is alive with flowers. There is a large menorah and a xmas tree, the food is brought up from the umu, they dance to hava nagila.
They won second prize – an inflatable castle. Grandpa and Dave’s grandma jump on it.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Alison Benson.

[Alison Benson]

What I learned doing this assignment is the two main characters must be loveable from the get go so the audience wants to go on their journey and root for them. They must need the same thing but be polar opposites.

WHO IS SHE?

INA JOHNSON is 20 something, fearlessly outspoken with a tongue that is often too smart for her own good. She refuses to conform to anyone’s expectations, a thorn in her parents’ side as they try to matchmake her with someone Jewish. She’s the beast in Beauty and the Beast. She lives with her best friend, MICHELLE ALEXANDER, equally outspoken but knows when to stop.

WHO IS HE?
DAVE TANGAROA, late 20s, the ‘beauty’. He’s a decent guy, sweet, affectionate, a bit naive, likes how he looks. He’s a Polynesian Christian evangelist who has lucked out with dating beautiful women who throw themselves at him then ending up with shallow gold diggers who only want his body. He still lives at home.

WHAT MAKES THEM LOVEABLE?
Ina loves her granddad visiting him regularly at his nursing home. She is cheeky to other residents who also love her and want her to be happy in love. She is Daddy’s little girl despite being so opinionated.

Dave is a gentleman but gets screwed over by unappreciative, shallow but beautiful women. He’s a victim of undeserved misfortune getting hurt repeatedly by dating women who are insecure and shallow.

WHAT ATTRACTS THEMSELVES TO EACH OTHER?

Emotionally – Dave is attracted to Ina’s independence and that she is unapologetically herself.
Physically: He loves her curly hair. It’s insane.
Physically: Ina is attracted to Dave’s size, muscles and tattoos.
Emotionally: Realizes he has integrity.

WHAT NEEDS DOES EACH FULFILL FOR THE OTHER?

They both need love. Their weaknesses are they are cynical from bad experiences. Ina believes men are narcissistic, Dave believes women are flakey and insecure.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Alison Benson.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Alison Benson.

[Alison Benson]

What I learned doing this assignment is how the headings help with the clarity of the project. It’s still a work in progress but every time I come back to it, I can improve it.

Concept: How do two cynical 30 somethings, one Jewish Caucasian, the other a Polynesian Evangelist, believe true love exists when both have struck out over and over again?

Two People Who Belong Together: Ina and Dave both value family, have an elderly grandparent (mentors) and agree that true love doesn't exist. They are both righteous with a deep sense of justice.
Dave needs someone who is stable, loyal and honest. Ina needs someone who displays integrity and a deep love for her.

How Are They Separated: They live on opposite sides of ‘the bridge’, in different religious and cultural worlds where they are expected to stay with ‘their own’, (Ina is Jewish Caucasian, amazing curly hair, Dave is Polynesian Evangelist, amazing tattoos). Ina thinks all men are narcissists. Dave thinks all women are free-loaders that won't accept responsibility for their actions.

What Forces Them together: Ina loses her driver’s license after multiple speeding offences, so her boss at the florist she works at, asks her nephew, Dave, a painter with a large van, to drive Ina and her deliveries. Dave stops for Ina to visit her grandad at his nursing home. They both spot an old garden in need of attention and decide to restore it. Ina wants it to be vibrant and natural. Dave wants it to be modern and functional.

Issues to be resolved: their ideas for the garden clash with both realising they don't trust each other. Ina – due to previous bad match-making dates. Dave – due to a series of dates which have left him feeling used. As they begin to grow closer and begin to enter each other's world, they discover many differences in their religious and cultural heritage (which has the comedy). Eventually, Ina sees Dave’s true self, a man of integrity who truly cares for her. Dave finally sees Ina take responsibility for her actions and that she is genuine, proving her love for him.

On Their Journey of Love: Dave drives Ina to deliver her flowers. He makes a stop so Ina can visit her granddad. Together they restore a rundown garden at the nursing home.

Part 2
Experience of Falling In Love: Ina and Dave are cynical about love due to their bad experiences. Meet-cute: in the hallway at a function centre, Ina is at her brother’s bar mitzvah, Dave is at his nephew's hair cutting. Ina is drunk, falls over, he catches her. They are physically attracted – for a moment, until Ina picks a fight.

The Journey of Love: Ina is forced together with Dave as he drives her to deliveries and to the nursing home to see her granddad. Ina wants to restore an old garden, Dave offers to help in exchange for letting his grandma have some respite.

Relationship Set-up: Dave is pushed by his grandma to ask Ina to stay at a family event that they deliver flowers to.

Issues each must Resolve: Dave thinks women are free-loaders, dishonest. Ina thinks men are narcissists. Both think their worlds are too far apart to ever consider a relationship.

Separation: working on the nursing home garden, Dave overhears Ina telling her granddad their relationship can never work, their worlds are too different. Dave’s belief about women is confirmed – they are flakey, untrustworthy, take no responsibility. He leaves angry. Ina says Dave is being overly dramatic which is expected since all men are self-centred. She breaks a garden ornament which is of huge value to Dave.

How will Comedy be Expressed: Ina never takes responsibility for her actions eg her speeding fines were definitely not her fault. Dave’s grandma can’t see or hear well but says the most profound things. Ina’s best friend is in awe of Dave’s massive build and for someone who talks a lot, is speechless.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Alison Benson. Reason: On my edit page, there is spacing, on the publish page, it's one long paragraph
• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Alison Benson.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Alison Benson.

[Alison Benson]

Hi everyone,
I'm Alison, located in Sydney, Australia.
I've written 3 features, two pilots and an animation short that was produced as an animatic.
I love romcom movies as they make me feel good, something we need in today's upside down world.
I'd like to learn how the genre works, write a simple story with a clear and visible goal but a huge internal arc for the main character.
I met my hubby in the army – I was walking along a dirt track, he was on the back of a truck, I hadn’t showered properly for four days, he hit his head during night games, I bandaged him up, he shared a Mars Bar and an orange with me, I was in.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Alison Benson.

[Alison Benson]

My name is Alison Benson
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Alison Benson.