Alice Eden
Forum Replies Created
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Alice’s Analysis of Groundhog Day
1. What is the CHANGE this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of this movie?
Phil changes from selfish to being compassionate, caring, comprehensive, and gets all kinds of skills
2. Lead characters:
o Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change?
I know it must be Rita, but I don’t completely agree. He at first is not at all about her. But yes, he does in huge way because of her.
o Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey?
Phil is. He’s pretty self-centered. He’s forgetful. Makes dirty jokes. Cynical. But, his reaction makes him do the change.
o What is the Oppression?
I know it must be that it is same day all the time. But, maybe it’s his attitude, not wishing to stay there. But then it changes.
3. How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story?
?? I don’t know, I just keep watching. But then of course its interesting, how it would evolve.
4. Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.” Identify their old way: Identify their new way at the conclusion:Rita at first finds him a jerk. Then she ‘gets’ him for all the money in her purse.
Phil at first doesn’t remember not to take a shower, as its cold water there, or not to step from pavement right into ice water puddle on the road. Then catches a boy, daily, as that one falls from the tree.5. What is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing?
First is when he turns attention to the radio. Now something bothers him.
When he seduces Nancy
When he does whatever, as far as there are no consequences, is chased by police, steals money
When he starts collecting everything about Rita
Then, it doesn’t work anymore, as he can’t play it second time, trying to get it nicer (he tries to pretend he’s nice, but it turns not to look natural)
When he tries to suicide
When he tries to prove it to her, and shows how he knows everyone
When he starts getting new skills, like piano playing and ice sculpturing.
When he brings them coffee, and goes on errands
When he proposes to stay here6. How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?
Uselessness of human endeavors? That nothing matters.
7. What are the most profound moments of the movie?
When they pull groundhog out at celebration.
When he recognizes it’s same day.
When he turns ice block to revel her portrait.
When he can’t save old man.
When he does his errands.
When he proposes to stay!
When he brings them coffee.
When Rita gets him for large sum, all her money.
When she recognizes him at piano.
When he jumps from church tower.
When Ned thanks him for getting all kinds of insurance.
Driving on railroad.
When Phil is surrounded as he gives a talk.
8. What are the most profound lines of the movie?
Today is tomorrow
I am the god
I make the weather
My father was piano mover9. How does the ending payoff the setups of this movie?
Well, he says, he doesn’t want to stay another day there, and now offers to live here
10. What is the Profound Truth of this movie?
?? We can spend our life much more significant, if won’t lose time.What I learned doing this assignment I think I’m still the watcher, not the one who create it.
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Hello, I’m Alice Eden. I’ve written a couple of screenplays, short stories, and poetry.
I wish to learn how to do multilayering, and twists.
I’m artist. -
1. Alice Eden
2. The words “I agree to the terms of this release form.”GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people. -
Hi, I’m Alice,
And I’m excited to start this class. Ive only written two scripts and a half, and AI is like my real hope that something like create a tv series would be possible for me. You can have a scetch, but if you blow it up, it gonna have a lot of gaps. I don’t know if I would completely exchange the story I’m intending, or I would keep it, but I will try my best! -
Alice Eden
I agree to the terms of this release form:
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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INT. BALL ROOM – NIGHT
Reception.
Robert stands with glass of Margarita, observing people like everything’s lost.
Trent enters, running in, generating grandeur impression. Halts near Robert.
TRENT
Hello, Rob! You are at engagement!
ROBERT
Well, it must be hard for you, after divorce!
TRENT
No. Oh, no.
Trent tries to put something smart out.
TRENT
I am actually going to… pick up on Maryann!
Robert’s face sunk.
TRENT
Here she is!
Trent squeezes Robert’s shoulder, as that one tries to avoid that, and directs his steps to the pair, speaking vividly amid crowd.
Man looks up at him. That’s George, groom’s brother!
TRENT
Hello, George! Congratulation at your brother’s engagement! Maryann! Do you show her around?
GEORGE
Oh thank you! No, actually, we are dating!
Trent stops at the spot.
TRENT
Yes, do you have personal yacht, by the way?
George nods.
TRENT
You know, we have photo session on our corporate yacht. Blue and Silver now. Don’t forget!
Trent washes away amid crowd.
On its periphery, Robert is approached by Ronald.
RONALD
What a commotion! Easy to keep outside!
ROBERT
Who knows! Trent fucks Maryann!
Ronald gets shocked.
RONALD
Maryann? That Latino girl who changes boyfriends as gloves? Trent?
Robert sips at his margarita, his face becomes sour.
ROBERT
Well, he happened to be next! Please, excuse me!
He turns around, concealing behind one of the doors.
Ronald thoughtfully makes it to George and Maryann.
RONALD
George, congratulation! Maryann! You was terrific at Yellow and Bordeaux! Amber suits you.
MARYANN
Thank you, Ronald, you are most generous!
GEORGE
We have catalog in here!
George nods at cocktail table under the wall with a small bunch of Autumn edition spread on table top.
GEORGE
It’s Blue and Silver now, might be terrific with turquoise!
RONALD
Mexican Traditional.
Beat.
RONALD
What is this thing with Trent and Maryann anyway?
GEORGE
That very photo session.
Ron nods, moves along.
INT. SIDE ROOM – NIGHT
Enters Douglass.
DOUGLASS
Hey, Rob, have you heard, Trent fucks this Latino girl, Amanda! You know, this short one, with quick moves?
INT. BALL ROOM – NIGHT
Quick glimpse of AMANDA, (26), short gem of a woman with smooth hair pinned beyond, locks framing oval face with dark unsteady eyes.
INT. SIDE ROOM – NIGHT
Robert coughs it over with his drink.
ROBERT
No, I didn’t know.
INT. BALL ROOM – NIGHT
Trent is engaged in a talk with a couple of men.
They pick up new margarita.
Trent picks up his margarita glass, with its cherry and lemon.
BARMAN
You see, cherry and lemon, on the side. That’s like photographs on the cover. You have one big photograph. It’s fantastic. But at the side there is a frame, and there is another photograph.
Trent nods in confirmation.
INT. STAIRCASE – NIGHT
Heavy black boots rhythmically go up the steps.
BALL ROOM
Enters BERRY, (28), Amanda’s boyfriend, most serious, with the prank, black, talking only on AB language.
He’s met by his folk, including JONAH.
BERRY
What’s up, dude?
JONAH
What’s up? Berry! Do you see that man? They say, he flirts Amanda!
BERRY
That dude? What a duchebag!
INT. BALL ROOM – NIGHT
Applause. In the center of the room under everyone’s look, tall groom in black suits exchanges rings with esthetic female in tan silk.
Trent with glass in his hand is approached by Robert.
ROBERT
Trent, someone wants to talk business with you!
TRENT
Business? Me?
ROBERT
In that room! Pretty urgent!
TRENT
Sure!
INT. SIDE ROOM – NIGHT
Trent enters and falls into Berry’s hands. His Margarita glass safely taken from his hand by Jonah.
BERRY
You fuck my girl! If you fuck Amanda, she must be on the cover!
Trent gets uneasy. Perspective to fuck Amanda.
TRENT
On the cover? We already planned another lady on the cover.
Berry hits Trent under ribs.
BERRY
You fuck my girl, she must be on the cover!
TRENT
I didn’t fuck her!
BERRY
You did! Everyone’s talking about it!
TRENT
Well, you ain’t any George, Old Man’s youngest, who has girlfriend!
BERRY
No, and I can beat you up!
He hits Trent again, now on another side, with his left fist.
TRENT
OK, OK, maybe we will figure it out!
Berry blows it real hard into Trent’s left eye.
TRENT
Maybe they both might be on the cover!
Berry stops the beating, unsure.
BERRY
Both?
TRENT
Yes, both!
Berry pushes Trent away, to teach him lesson. Ponders it over.
Trent takes advantage of the moment.
TRENT
Both, yeah? Deal?
Berry gives undefined consent.
Trent slips out of the doors.
INT. BALL ROOM – NIGHT
Robert watches from afar how Trent swiftly goes outside, covering his left eye with left hand, pressing his right hand to the left, over rib cage.
Speedily heads out of Ball Room.
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Alice’s Missing Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment, I was writing leaving gaps and now I reap it. I’m still over filling in what I omissed as a more complex scene, or just haven’t done it. I wrote forty pages by now. I intend fill in everything I planed and then question my beat sheet, maybe it has something up the sleeve.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth, alone, smokes a cigarette. Recollection starts.
INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR – DAY
A number of school girls jog along.
SCHOOLGIRL
Lisa!
Elizabeth, teen, comes closer.
SCHOOLGIRL
Look at the tattoo I’m having!
She shows Elizabeth small drops of asymmetrical spiral in between her thumb and index finger.
ELIZABETH
And what does it represent?
SCHOOLGIRL
Nothing. Just a picture. It’s abstract.
ELIZABETH
It’s cool!
INT. TATTOO SALON – EVENING
Elizabeth counts banknotes and coins in her hand.
ELIZABETH
I wish to make some tattoo.
TATTOO ARTIST
How much do you have?
Elizabeth shows him crones.
TATTOO ARTIST
Fifteen crones for the small tattoo, black and white! Come tomorrow seven thirty!
INT. TATTOO SALON – NIGHT
Elizabeth takes a sit in a chair.
TATTOO ARTIST
So, what would you like?
Elizabeth with blank expression looks ahead. Something clicks.
ELIZABETH
Can I have a band on my wrist?
Tattoo artist opens catalog on some examples of chains around the wrist.
ELIZABETH
No, just plain one.
She indicates with fingers proposed width of the band. And how it would run around her wrist.
TATTOO ARTIST
Let’s just make outlines.
EXT. OUTSIDE TATTOO SALON – EVENING
Elizabeth observes fresh tattoo band on her wrist.
ELIZABETH (V.O.)
Not everything could be said. But forget it is impossible!
INT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT
Must be her hooking on her fancy.
INT. HER FANCY’S FLAT – NIGHT
His room displays unfamiliar for Elizabeth paraphernalia that creates certain mood.
She can’t picture that yet.
Guy undresses. His slim body as from wax both attracts and overwhelms her.
She’s awkward, takes of her dress in exasperation.
He moves blanket aside, inviting her.
They squeeze and jolt for a while.
Then guy pulls away.
THE GUY
That’s all I can.
Question in her eyes.
THE GUY
I’m a GAY!
EXT. STREET SIDE – NIGHT
Elizabeth, bored, lags past illuminated entrance of Night Club.
Group of idle bikers. One BIKER calls at her.
Elizabeth intends to ignore it. Then considers packed up figure of the guy. Maybe this one is better.
INT. BIKER’S FLAT – NIGHT
Elizabeth gets out of her hood and looks as shy teenager, who she is.
Now, Biker sees, that’s not a teen boy.
BIKER
Are you a girl?
He turns her around, throws on the bed.
LATER
Elizabeth’s chin is in her palm. Her expression is most bored.
It drugs back and forth as Biker behind her continues with anal sex.
In her view under the lampshade a toy WASP swings left and right along Biker’s back and forth efforts.
LATER
Elizabeth gets up. Turns aside and massages her neck, so stiff after exercise.
Slowly, she makes it to the entrance.
Biker pushes bunch of banknotes in her hand and throws her out of apartment.
INT. TATTOO SALON – EVENING
Elizabeth counts crones, received from encounter.
ELIZABETH
I wish a color tattoo. Of a WASP. On my neck!
She indicates where exactly in there.
INT. HOLGER PALMGREN’S KITCHEN – DAY
Breakfast. Elizabeth forks her meal.
ELIZABETH
Sex just sucks.
Holger Palmgren ahms.
HOLGER PALM GREW
What do you know of it? Do you have much of experience?
Lisbeth very knowledgeably stares at him. Nods.
HOLGER PALMGREN
Lisbeth, what is it on your neck?
ELIZABETH
Wasp.
HOLGER PALMGREN
Is it a tattoo? Is it permanent?
Lisbeth nods.
HOLGER PALMGREN
Is it popular now? In school?
ELIZABETH
Some of my friends have it.
Holger Palmgren grabs her wrist where there is a band tattoo.
HOLGREN PALMGREN
Oh, I’ve seen this one.
Lets her wrist out.
He knows her story of being bandaged to the bed. Therefore band tattoo.
His ironic look searchingly moves from band tattoo to wasp tattoo. Like ‘What’s behind that one?’
INT. BOXING STUDIO – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth coaching newbies.
Older muscular boxer moves past her, with towel over shoulder.
Puts hand on her shoulder, squeezing, in a friendly manner.
Elizabeth joyfully smiles back at professional.
EXT. SIDEWAY – NIGHT
Elizabeth walks her familiar rout home.
Lanterns shed dim lights.
As she turns sideway, there are no more lights.
Steps of someone who turns after her. She gets alerted.
As she speeds ahead, steps behind her run also.
Road goes up, as she runs into…
Blackest night.
In a hurry and fright, she searches under border the place where that rusted iron rod must be.
She finds it, picks it up, and stands in ready position.
Satisfied, steps decrease in tempo. Stranger approaches.
Elizabeth waves iron rod, hitting the man in darkness with all her might.
Then again and again.
Man drops on the ground.
She hits figure on the ground a number of times.
She stops. No sound coming from the man.
In the more populated street bellow Chinese restaurant still open. It’s sign, fluorescent lines of a DRAGON, are visible on dark background.
INT. HOLGER PALMGREN’S FLAT – NIGHT
Holger Palmgren lets in resilient Lisbeth.
Saying nothing, she squeezes by him inside.
Goes into shower.
SHOWER
Shaking, Elizabeth pulls down clothes and stands under hot water to calm down.
INT. GUEST ROOM – NIGHT
Holger Palmgren frowns sarcastically at Elizabeth, sitting tight on the sofa.
Walks to the closet, pulls a stuck of linings and blankets and drops it with attitude beside her.
After this he proudly walks into his dark bedroom. Door remains slightly open.
Elizabeth waits a little bit.
When all noises in his bedroom cease, she gets up, makes it to dark room and squeezes under blanket beside him.
To her surprise, he reacts turning to her. She holds his arm and he embraces her back.
So goes for a while, as they embrace as if she would be his partner and real woman, as a natural thing.
At the same time, it might be attributed to the parent, comforting his ten years child.
This way, nature of embrace escapes Elizabeth.
Then he lets embrace go, turns aside, and says, already falling asleep.
HOLGER PALMGREN
Elizabeth, did you notice, do I still have some milk in refrigerator?
And falls asleep.
Most astonished, Elizabeth observes him.
INT. TATTOO SALON – EVENING
ELIZABETH
Can I have a Dragon?
Tattoo Artist opens picture catalog on the counter.
ELIZABETH
No, the Big One!
She indicates an image of huge dragon in loops on the poster fixed on the wall behind Tattoo Artist’s back.
He turns around to glance on dragon picture.
TATTOO ARTIST
Oh, that one! Where do you get money from?
Elizabeth’s naive look is absent of any deception.
ELIZABETH
From boxing!
TATTOO ARTIST
That gona take long. A few days.
ELIZABETH
All right.
TATTOO ARTIST
Let’s book it.
Opens calendar.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth finishes smoking.
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Alice’s Act 4 Climax
EXT. BUNKER’S YARD – DAY
Steals the track, but slips on roadside when pursued
INT. MEDICAL TRACK – DAY
Elizabeth awakes to…
Calming beep of medical device.
Doctor in white sits with his back to her in narrow space of emergency track.
Elizabeth turns to the window.
Bunker’s yard is full of people, streaming out, gathered together outside.
Woman in brown coat socializes with employees. Vivid talk.
SUDDEN EXPLOSION at far complex of buildings.
Woman in brown coat and her companions turn away to the side of explosion.
Cloud of smoke rises into sky.
Door knocks. Elizabeth reclines back. Pretends she’s still unconscious.
As guard with weapon passes by, Elizabeth opens her eyes.
Considers his gun in open holder.
Pulls it out. Shots the guard. Doctor jerks at alert. She jumps up and shots the doctor.
Yard beyond window is now full of commotion, as smoke reaches it.
EXT. BUNKER’S YARD – DAY
No one notices how small figure under hood gets out of medical car.
As if that’s the natural thing to do, Elizabeth rolls under the sliding yard door at the last moment.
Security guard in a booth ignores that.
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Alice’s Act 4 Resolution
I noticed than even though I write one or two scenes, but I write much quickier and don’t ponder much. I also like my writing and it doesn’t seem to me bulk.
INT./EXT. BUS TO STOKHOLM – DAY
Bus is half-empty.
With baggy eyes Elizabeth watches gray landscape passing by.
Guy in gray jacket pocks at driver.
GUY IN GRAY JACKET
Common, boss, I’m getting late! Accelerate it!
Driver keeps at slow pass, making down wet road.
This triggers Elizabeth’s memory.
INT. INTEROGATION ROOM – DAY
Interrogation room in a haze.
Elizabeth’s dossier. Officer, folding the page.
ELIZABETH (O.S.)
XSELERATOR204.593-FA!
INT./EXT. BUS TO STOKHOLM – DAY
Elizabeth stars ahead of her.
Tears in her eyes. Lips move slightly, as if she silently pronounces coded name of her torturer.
EXT. PARK – DAY
Dropping idea to kidnap her daughter back
INT. ESCALATOR – DAY
Farewells with Michael and goes on her way
With new documents, Lisbeth fleets Sweden for England
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Alice’s Act 3
INT. OFFICE ROOM – DAY
Workday almost done. Good Guy comes to coffee station.
GOOD GUY
(to Elizabeth)
Come one, it’s almost your time! Grab some coffee.
Elizabeth removes earplugs and awkwardly goes to pour herself a cup.
Good guy turns away, sipping hot drink.
ELIZABETH
Tobby!
Good Guy jumps in surprise.
ELIZABETH
I shortened your logo.
TOBBY
That’s a nice nickname. And you?
ELIZABETH
Lisa.
TOBBY
Lizard! I’ll call you lizard. You know, some lizard think, they are dragons! But they are just little things, and they drop tail if you catch them, to run away. Do you know that?
Elizabeth nods.
TOBBY
Cigarette?
He pulls out one and tilts it to her.
As she grabs it, he glances into half full pack. Closes and drops it into her pocket.
Door nocks, letting in Guard Body.
TOBBY
That’s after you. Good bye!
ELIZABETH
See you!
INT. OFFICE ROOM – DAY
Bad Guy watches it into screen, vague.
BAD GUY
It’s my birthday today.
Good Guy whistles.
GOOD GUY
Hey! No blue tooth!
Bad Guy sighs in regret.
Elizabeth involuntary drops the look at the date and time on the screen. Stills her breath.
INT. OFFICE ROOM – DAY
Bad Guy wearily gets up, stretching. Pours coffee. Drinks. Then SLOWLY goes to restroom.
Elizabeth who was watching him over, prompts password window before he’s behind the door.
Letters of Bad Guy’s logo quickly fill password space, followed by his birthday numbers.
Strained, Elizabeth hits ENTER.
It loads. And lets her into the system.
On her nerves, Lisbeth opens Internet Page. Types address. Loading!
At the prompt, enters her parameters. She is in her Hacking Field!
She then as quickly as she can, uploads hacking program.
Her eyes in between of screen and doorway.
75% of red over blue.
Guy emerges from bathroom door. And lags to his sit.
95%!
It signals end of uploading.
Elizabeth has time to sign out of Bad Guy’s account right as he drops on his chair, satisfied.
INT. BUNKER OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Coffee break.
ELIZABETH
Would you let me out if you could? Via the door?
TOBBY
This is not the only door out there!
Elizabeth’s face sulking.
ELIZABETH
Are they also fingerprint ones?
TOBBY
Oh no, you just slide… you know.
Brandishes his ID.
TOBBY
They would see you on security cameras. You would be caught long before you reach the yard!
ELIZABETH
And if not?
TOBBY
I am the person who once let hamsters out of the cage. I wanted them to be free. It finished badly.
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Alice’s Act 3 Turning point 3
INT. BUNKER OFFICE – DAY
Guard lets Elizabeth in.
Her look wonders about the room.
Bad Guy in his position before his screen.
ELIZABETH
Where is Tobby?
BAD GUY
He took a leave for today.
Feeling lost, Elizabeth follows to her place.
INT. BUNKER OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth glances on time.
4:30. Moment is close and close.
She gathers. Turns off completed assignment. Brings out saved video of the office and substitutes it for the office security camera.
Slowly gets up. Pretends she’s after coffee.
With her back to Bad Guy, she coughs, and violently hits him with the chair over the head. He drops on the floor.
She pulls out computer wire and strangles him.
His feet scratch the floor, as he weakly pulls wire away from his throat till he doesn’t subsides.
Elizabeth jumps and proceeds with the cameras.
She observes both Guards at two rooms. At five o’clock one of them jerks to get up.
She quickly streams him a video of another guard, walking down after her.
Seeing, another guy heads for it, Guard drops his jacket and relaxes back on the chair.
Another Guard glances on screen, where peaceful office room displayed, on his watch.
Lisbeth clicks on it, sending him a video of First Guard getting down after her.
Reassured, this is done. Elizabeth emotionally watches them to leave one after another.
5:15
Elizabeth runs to Bad Guy.
Pulls him up. No. He’s too heavy.
With an air of ‘what do you do to me!’ Elizabeth gets up, measuring him up and down.
INT. BUNKER OFFICE – AFTERNOON
5:35
Elizabeth examines pockets of his jacket. Some cash. Wears his jacket.
Slides his ID and gets into corridor.
CORRIDOR
Elizabeth makes it slowly to the end, presses his finger to the screen.
Door clicks. Elizabeth drops bundle with wrist in blood in a garbage been and gets out.
PARRALLEL CORRIDOR
Turns door handle and gets into parallel corridor. It’s empty.
She slowly proceeds.
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Alice’s Act 2
INT. ELIZABETH’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Christmas tree. Dimmed lights.
In dark space behind window – multiple holiday lights in far distance.
Elizabeth with baby girl in hands stands, alone, contemplating holiday scene.
ELIZABETH
Yes, mama, life is so unjust!
Shrieking noise of fire alarm.
INT. LANDING OUTSIDE – NIGHT
Elizabeth locks the door.
Holding baby starts down the stairs.
On the floor above, group of people, laughing.
Walking down, they getting behind her.
Suddenly, they envelop around her, as she receives electroshock and passes out.
EXT. HOUSE UPFRONT – NIGHT
Bunch of alarmed residents looking up the house, where in one window burning Christmas tree is visible. Clouds of smoke.
Whistling of fire track. Firemen quickly work out hoses.
EXT. UNDERGROUND – NIGHT
Michael tries Elizabeth’s number, getting busy line. Curses.
Moves ahead amid people.
Suddenly, man with baby in hands almost brushes by him.
Michael notices detail, (his holyday gift), on the baby.
He starts after the stranger.
That one’s running. Michael pursues him.
Outruns, pulling by the sleeve.
Guy stops, defending. Puts baby in basket on the floor.
Knife clicks in his hand. Sharp movements as he’s brushing Michael’s clothes.
Michael keeps fronting him.
Quickly, stranger shovels Michael into stomach.
Michael folds in two, squeezing handle.
Man, escaping, vanishes running into crowd.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Michael on the coach, unconscious.
Sad Erica Berger by Michael’s side.
ERICA BERGER
I believe that you will stand up, Michael.
INT. OFFICIAL’S CABINET – DAY
Figuerola tries to reach her authority, but meets dead wall.
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Alice’s Act 3 Reaction to Midpoint
What I learned doing this assignment is that either because I write in instalments or I am still unexperienced, it seems to me all the time that my scenes don’t correspond to outline. But actually they do. I still don’t know how much of text would be for every part. Even though I am creator. I noticed my tendency to start writing long boring scenes to illustrate how it is realistic. I must escape it.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
Lisbeth is dropped by guards on the chair.
Her head down. She’s waiting for it to start.
Beat.
Beat again.
Nothing happens.
She looks up to see unfamiliar officer. His face calm and indifferent as he browses documents before him from boredom.
ELIZABETH
Hello. Who are you?
Officer jumps on his chair.
OFFICER
Oh! I’m sorry! I thought, you are dummy.
Elizabeth waves her head negatively.
ELIZABETH
Where is the one who was prior?
OFFICER
He got moved. I am here instead of him.
Elizabeth considers.
ELIZABETH
Why do you keep me in here?
OFFICER
This is military bunker. You was considered to be dangerous and now are confined.
ELIZABETH
What have I done?
OFFICER
Still don’t know it? I cannot help you about it, as it is classified.
ELIZABETH
Then why am I here?
OFFICER
I need to speak with every subject. Your status changed. Would be less pressing. But they won’t let you go.
ELIZABETH
You could use me. It’s boring in the cell. I could work for you on the comp. Processing data. I’m good with it, you know.
Officer waves no.
Lisbeth’s astonished.
ELIZABETH
It doesn’t say anything about me? I have photographic memory.
Officer considers. Turns dossier before himself. Bends it to conceal crucial paragraph, and turns it to Elizabeth.
OFFICER
Read it!
Elizabeth drops look down on the text.
Officer quickly turns it back.
OFFICER
What was the name of my predecessor?
ELIZABETH
XSELERATOR204.593-FA
Officer drops look on text. Compares.
Unbends page, puts back in order. ‘YES’ on his face.
ELIZABETH
Only I need more oxygen! There, in the cell. You know, for the brain work. And exercise.
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Alice’s Act 2 Middle Scenes
INT. SUPERMARKET – DAY
Lisbeth after shopping. Elevator doors slide aside.
Apples from huge package she holds fall down and roll over when she sees Mary Paul outside.
Her old lesbian friend holds her baby boy.
INT. ELIZABETH’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Mary Paul exchanges her baby.
MARY PAUL
Do you like him?
Elizabeth looks at baby boy.
ELIZABETH
When they are little, that’s not yet clear.
MARY PAUL
You cold have baby also.
Elizabeth benevolently watches Mary Paul.
ELIZABETH
You already did that for me!
Now they stay together. Elizabeth moves out.
INT. ELIZABETH’S KITCHEN – DAY
Lisbeth gets to refrigerator, pulls out pizza and carton of milk. It’s empty!
INT. ELIZABETH’S APPARTMENT, ENTRANCE – DAY
Elizabeth gets into jacket and hat. Drops look in direction of Guest Room where Mary Paul is. Puts alarm system off.
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – DAY
Elizabeth with milk carton behind customer at the counter.
Her image as shot on security camera.
EXT. OUTSIDE CONVENIENCE STORE – DAY
Elizabeth gets newspaper. Bills and coins.
INT. ELIZABETH’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Elizabeth gets in.
GUEST ROOM
She starts at the picture.
Mary Paul, dead in blood on the floor, as is her baby at the table. Knifed down.
Elizabeth pulls out mobile and documents it on video.
INT. POLICE STATION – EVENING
First policemen dials it.
FIRST POLICEMAN
We contact you on behalf of your daughter, Mary Paul. She and her baby were found dead at the apartment of her friend Elizabeth Salander!
On that line noise and cries starts.
MARY PAUL’S MOTHER
We were afraid she would do that!
FIRST POLICEMAN
Elizabeth?
MARY PAUL’S MOTHER
No, Mary! She was so sad from once she got pregnant.
Second policeman, browsing comp.
SECOND POLICEMAN
Look at that!
First one, holding cell, glances to the screen.
Both exchange looks.
FIRST POLICEMAN
We have to let her go!
INT. POLICE STATION. INVESTIGATION ROOM – NIGHT
Police officer enters.
Elizabeth, depressed, on the bench.
He sits across her. Puts on the table her stuff, keys and mobile.
Elizabeth looks at him in surprise.
ELIZABETH
You let me go?
Police officer folds his arms and leans ahead.
POLICE OFFICER
Your friend Mary Paul killed her baby and suicide. We pulled out her records. She was suffering from long term instability, and was to therapist all the time.
Elizabeth keeps listening with growing disbelieve.
POLICE OFFICER
When you left apartment, you disconnected security alarm.
ELIZABETH
Yes, because she was inside!
POLICE OFFICER
She put it on. It gives us video of the empty landing here.
He turns screen on Elizabeth.
POLICE OFFICER
4:47 and at that time you was filmed on the cameras at convenience store!
Satisfied, policeman looks back at her.
POLICE OFFICER
She also put voice recording on her phone! Please, listen.
He turns on recording.
On it baby’s winning and Mary Paul’s steps. She approaches. Baby stops crying at sudden. Sound of body falling down.
POLICE OFFICER
That’s not all! Keep listening.
Entrance door slams, distant. New steps.
POLICE OFFICER
That’s you come back, and starts filming video. Moment of filming coincides with time of the recording!
Police Officer with deserved pride glances at her.
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Alice’s Act 1
EXT. AIRPORT – DAY
Elizabeth tries Albert’s cell, but line is busy.
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Elizabeth opens entrance door with her key. Pulls baggage.
Apartment is suspiciously empty. She senses it right away. Looks at a side. No nothing.
Elizabeth walks one room from another to see how all Albert’s things are gone.
Empty closet. Nothing on a rack. Neither on the desk.
She opens drawer. Nothing.
On the blank paper sheet on the desk are garage keys. She grabs it.
EXT. GARAGE – DAY
She slides it up. Motorboat is in there.
EXT. OCEAN – EVENING
It’s darkening. Elizabeth sits motionlessly on motorboat on water plane. Contemplates empty beach.
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Elizabeth joyfully opens the door for the landlord, petite brunet lady in her 40’s.
Greetings from both sides.
LANDLORD
This apartment is rented for two years. After this it would be gone, unless they renew agreement.
ELIZABETH
Who rented it?
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APPARTMENT – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth opens envelope. Inside are copies of rental agreement.
She reads company’s logo.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth hacks company records. Amid lists of apartments there is one flat in England.
She watches you tube video, to prepare the tool.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Lisbeth in her media on the comp.
Copies company name into browser. Gets on the net and gets the list of apartments, rented by the same company.
Various places at various countries.
Her look stops at one rental. That is a flat in London.
INT. FLAT IN ENGLAND – NIGHT
Opens flat’s door without a key. Flat is empty.
EXT. LONDON STREET – NIGHT
As she gets out, Albert watches her from across the road. He suffers, and calls at her. They come together.
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Alice’s Act 1 Turning Point
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APARTMENT – DAY
She is back to US, Albert is not to be found. Apartment is rented for two years ahead.
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APARTMENT – DAY
BEGINNING:
Elizabeth’s back. Apartment is empty, Albert’s things are gone.
MIDDLE:
?? She’s on the motorboat?
END:
Apartment is rented for two years ahead.
SHE COMES BACK TO US
BEGINNING:
Elizabeth tries Albert’s cell, but line is busy.
MIDDLE:
Elizabeth’s back. Apartment is empty, Albert’s things are gone.
END:
She’s on the motorboat?
Apartment is rented for two years ahead.
EXT. AIRPORT – DAY
Elizabeth tries Albert’s cell, but line is busy.
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Elizabeth opens entrance door with her key. Pulls baggage.
Apartment is suspiciously empty. She senses it right away. Looks at a side. No nothing.
Elizabeth walks one room from another to see how all Albert’s things are gone.
Empty closet. Nothing on a rack. Neither on the desk.
She opens drawer. Nothing.
On the blank paper sheet on the desk are garage keys. She grabs it.
EXT. GARAGE – DAY
She slides it up. Motorboat is in there.
EXT. OCEAN – EVENING
It’s darkening. Elizabeth sits motionlessly on motorboat on water plane. Contemplates empty beach.
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Elizabeth joyfully opens the door for the landlord, petite brunet lady in her 40’s.
Greetings from both sides.
LANDLORD
This apartment is rented for two years. After this it would be gone, unless they renew agreement.
ELIZABETH
Who rented it?
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APPARTMENT – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth opens envelope. Inside are copies of rental agreement.
She reads company’s logo.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth hacks company records. Amid lists of apartments there is one flat in England.
She watches you tube video, to prepare the tool.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Lisbeth in her media on the comp.
Copies company name into browser. Gets on the net and gets the list of apartments, rented by the same company.
Various places at various countries.
Her look stops at one rental. That is a flat in London.
INT. FLAT IN ENGLAND – NIGHT
Opens flat’s door without a key. Flat is empty.
EXT. LONDON STREET – NIGHT
As she gets out, Albert watches her from across the road. He suffers, and calls at her. They come together.
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Alice’s Act 2 Reaction to TP 1
EXT. HAWAII – EVENING
Sunset. Beach side. Their conversation.
EXT. HAWAII – EVENING
BEGINNING:
Sunset. Walking on Ocean side.
MIDDLE:
Albert prompts Elizabeth to relate her story.
END:
Discordant, as he was one of the people who played vile game against Elizabeth Salander, Schenke throws his amulet, a golden cigarette case, into Ocean.
EXT. HAWAII – EVENING
Sunset. Albert Schenke and Elizabeth Salander walk along the shore.
ALBERT SCHENKE
Lisa, I know you for such a long time, and I cannot understand, what it is with you. Why are you like that?
ELIZABETH
Probably because of what I’ve been thru. Burning wrong person and being persecuted. I was tied up to the bed for a year. When I tried to talk to other people, no one would listen.
Albert in discordance pulls out his golden cigarette case. Shows to Elizabeth.
ALBERT SCHENKE
You know, I once found it on the beach. When I was young. I always considered it to be a good omen. Prophecy for future success. I don’t need it anymore.
He throws heavy case as far as he can into the waves.
They both follow it diving in.
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Alice’s Act 1 Opening Scene
My first dialog is totally generic, like nothing in it. Maybe I agent use it.
EXT. STREETSIDE – DAY
Sweden at Winter.
SUPER: 2005
Elizabeth comes back to Sweden from US. phone rings. that’s Michael.
Lisbeth runs onto Stieg Larson’s first Millennium novel on book counter, with dragon tattoo on the cover.
EXT. STREETSIDE – DAY
BEGINNING:
Elizabeth returns from the trip, pulls her baggage. Michel calls her, knowing she is back.
MIDDLE:
Suddenly, book cover jumps in her view. This is just published novel by Stieg Larson, which instantly becomes bestseller in Sweden.
END:
She starts, seeing Dragon Tattoo on the cover, and title, ‘Girl with Dragon Tattoo’. That must be her. She even looks around before grabbing the book.
EXT. STREETSIDE – DAY
Winter in Sweden. It’s busy.
Elizabeth Salander in coat, knitted hat and scarf gets out on the street, pulling middle sized luggage. Her phone rings.
Elizabeth picks up the phone. This is Michael.
MICHAEL BLOMKVIST (O.S.)
Lisbeth! Are you back?
ELIZABETH
Yes. I’m here.
MICHAEL BLOMKVIST (O.S.)
How was your trip to US?
ELIZABETH
Fine.
MICHAEL BLOMKVIST (O.S.)
OK. Settle down. I will call you soon.
ELIZABETH
OK. See you.
She keeps moving along the street. Stops near book counter where bright book covers catch her attention.
‘Girl with Dragon Tattoo’ by Stieg Larson! Book looks like just published instant bestseller.
Her eyes fixed on Dragon image. Girl with Dragon Tattoo! That must be her.
She starts. Looks around, on moving past her busy crowd. Huge eyes of rabbit.
Looks back on the book, grabs it slowly, as a finding.
INT. PRIVATE CLINIC IN FRANCE – AFTERNOON
Under the name of …, Elizabeth Removes wasp tattoo from her neck
INT. PRIVATE CLINIC IN FRANCE – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING:
Elizabeth is getting examined. She’s under disguise name.
MIDDLE:
Questions.
END:
Starting removing Wasp Tattoo.
INT. PRIVATE CLINIC IN FRANCE – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth enters.
NURSE
Please, take a seat.
She must call her this another name.
NURSE
Which tattoo you want to remove?
ELIZABETH
Wasp! On my neck.
Nurse starts preparation.
NURSE
Are your breasts artificial?
ELIZABETH
Yes, it was done in private clinic here, in France.
INT./EXT. SIDEAY CAFE – DAY
Accidentally Observes how Michael hangs around Figuerola and recognizes her mistake of being jealous to Erica Berger
INT./EXT. SIDEAY CAFE – DAY
BEGINNING:
Elizabeth near window, drinks hot coffee looking outside.
MIDDLE:
There, Michael Blomkvist on the street, with Figuerola. The way they interact, it is clear, she’s his girlfriend.
END:
Recognition on Elizabeth’s face. And think only! I was jealous over Erika Berger! But she happens just his old lover. And here is much younger Figuerola! No surprise.
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Alice’s Inciting Incident
What I’ve learn from this assignment is, second time it was even worse than first time. Wow, I thought I finally fulfil it like my worst writing. Then I thought I exagerate. First draft is not the worst. Again, my second dialog tends to be better. First is totally generic.
EXT. HIGHWAY ON US WEST – DAY
Elizabeth in her new expensive car gets stopped on the roadside by policemen
EXT. HIGHWAY ON US WEST – DAY
BEGINNING:
Elizabeth drives highway north. Police car behind.
MIDDLE:
She stops on the side of the road, as police man takes her registration.
END:
Something’s wrong with her documents.
EXT. HIGHWAY ON US WEST – DAY
Elizabeth drives Northway.
Police car behind signals her to stop.
Elizabeth turns her car on the roadside and waits for approach.
POLICEMAN
Your license and registration, please.
Elizabeth hands him license and registration.
He observes new sparkling (name of a car) model. Very expensive!
POLICEMAN
Is that your car?
ELIZABETH
Yes.
She keeps waiting till he comes back.
POLICEMAN
Are you foreigner?
(some kind of problem that might be there)
INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Looking to improve her documents status she runs into Sweden official who happens to be Albert Schenke
INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING:
Lisbeth drops into ?? Some kind of organization She’s offered Sweden official
MIDDLE:
Albert Schenke recognizes her name and holds his look over her.
END:
They solve docs problem
INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Lisbeth drops in.
ELIZABETH
I need to update my documents.
LADY
What language do you speak?
ELIZABETH
Sweden.
LADY
We have one of your countrymen. He must be still there. Just a moment.
Connects the line.
INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth enters and gets in a chair.
Behind the table is blond man, in his 50’s, just a bit stocked.
What a coincidence! This is Albert Schenke!
He with boredom nocks pencil over desk. It’s four o’clock.
ELIZABETH
I… (makes her statement)
She handles him papers.
He grabs it. Her NAME. He recognizes it. Glares back at her, reading her face.
Elizabeth’s flattened.
She glances at his fingers. No wedding ring.
As he emerges back into documents reading, she looks on white board with his name.
Letters where his new name is written gets blurred, so that we don’t see the writing. But Elizabeth must read it.
ALBERT SCHENKE
…(his statement)
Etc. They solve it.
EXT. OFFICE PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth waits on him.
EXT. OFFICE PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING:
Unsure, Elizabeth waits for him on the parking lot.
MIDDLE:
Have finished his work, Albert gets outside, and into his car.
END:
Elizabeth approaches him and starts conversation.
EXT. OFFICE PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth in her car with cup of coffee.
Finally, Albert is outside. He gets to his white Buick and rolls window down.
Elizabeth jumps out and gets near.
ELIZABETH
Hello!
He sees her. Is not surprised, rather accepts his Karma. His look again fixed on her.
ELIZABETH
I thought, maybe we can come together somewhere? Like Ocean side?
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Alice’s High Speed Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is to recollect what the theme is might do. I must keep in mind this is suspense and thriller, or I will write A melodrama.
FADE IN:
OPENING:
EXT. STREETSIDE – DAY
Sweden at Winter.
SUPER: 2005
Elizabeth comes back to Sweden from US. phone rings. that’s Michael.
Lisbeth runs onto Stieg Larson’s first Millenium novel on book counter, with dragon tattoo on the cover.
INT. GUESTROOM – NIGHT
Lisbeth contacts private clinic in France, the one that … was contacting
INT. PRIVAT CLINIC IN FRANCE – AFTERNOON
Under the name of …, Elizabeth Removes wasp tattoo from her neck
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Text message Michael she is in France
INT./EXT. SIDEAY CAFE – DAY
Accidentally Observes how Michael hangs around Figuerola and recognizes her mistake of being jealous to Erica Berger
INT. PLANE TO US – DAY
Under impression, she leave Sweden for United States again
INT. CASINO – NIGHT
Elizabeth in Los Vegas. As she gambles, there is some boy under the wall, watching her. She pretends ignorance and waits, till he is gone.
EXT. CASINO PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Elizabeth in her car.
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
Armansky arrives.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY – NIGHT
At the lobby of her Hotel she runs into Armasky, who arrived for Milton Security Director’s seminar
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
There must be her doing sex with Armansky
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Accidental meeting with Armansky prompts recollections of how and why she made her tattoos
Elizabeth, alone, smokes a cigarette. Recollection starts.
INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR – DAY
Lisbeth’s friend shows her small tattoo on her hand.
INT. TATTOO SALON – EVENING
Her first tattoo.
INT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT
Must be her hooking on her fancy.
INT. HER FANCY’S FLAT – NIGHT
Her first unsuccessful love encounter.
EXT. STREET SIDE – NIGHT
Group of bikers. One calls at her.
INT. BIKER’S FLAT – NIGHT
Second unsuccessful encounter.
Why she chose wasp to be tattooed on her neck.
INT. TATTOO SALON – EVENING
Her wasp tattoo chosen.
INT. HOLGER PALMGREN’S KITCHEN – MORNING
Holger Palmgren.
INT. BOXING STUDIO – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth coaching newbies.
EXT. SIDEWAY – NIGHT
Why Dragon tattoo.
INT. HOLGER PALMGREN’S FLAT – NIGHT
Staying overnight.
INT. TATTOO SALON – EVENING
Dragon Tattoo chosen.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth finishes smoking.
INCITING INCIDENT:
EXT. HIGHWAY ON US WEST – DAY
Elizabeth in her new expensive car gets stopped on the roadside by policemen
INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Looking to improve her documents status she runs into Sweden official who happens to be Albert Schenke
EXT. OFFICE PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth waits on him.
EXT. OCEAN SIDE – NIGHT
Sex in a car.
EXT. PARKING LOT – MORNING
He gives her keys from his place.
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S FLAT – MORNING
Albert leaves for a trip, but invites Elizabeth to stay meanwhile
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S FLAT – DAY
She browses his comp, but it is totally empty of any personal information
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S FLAT – AFTERNOON
He comes back. Their talk.
INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
Farther talk.
EXT. OCEAN SIDE – DAY
Motorboat on the beach side
TURNING POINT:
EXT. STREET OR PARK – DAY
Elizabeth visits Sweden. Meets Michael.
INT. ELIZABETH’S APARTMENT – DAY
Elizabeth and Michael.
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APARTMENT – DAY
She is back to US, Albert is not to be found. Apartment is rented for two years ahead.
EXT. OCEAN – EVENING
Elizabeth on motorboat.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth hacks company records. Amid lists of apartments if there is one flat in England.
She watches you tube video, to prepare the tool.
INT. FLAT IN ENGLAND – NIGHT
Opens flat’s door without a key. Flat is empty.
EXT. LONDON STREET – NIGHT
As she gets out, Albert watches her from across the road. He suffers, and calls at her. They come together.
Act 2
New plan
INT. MICHAEL’S PLACE – DAY
Michael’s Blomkvist and Lisbeth Salander phone talk.
INT. US FLAT – DAY
Phone talk.
Five years later
EXT. HAWAII – EVENING
Sunset. Beach side. Their conversation.
INT. US FLAT – AFTERNOON
Albert himself offers Elizabeth to pay Sweden a visit.
INT. MICHAEL’S FLAT – DAY
Elizabeth again meets with Michael.
INT. SIDE CAFE – DAY
Blond Male in overcoat goes in a cafe. Drinks coffee. Gets out.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF CAFE – DAY
Crossing the street, gets run over by Sub. It appears to be Albert Schenke.
INT. HOSPITAL – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth and Michael keep near window, waiting. Message is, he’s gone.
INT. ELIZABETH’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Finds the key from the flat.
INT. FLAT IN ENGLAND – EVENING
Visits flat in England. Picks up post and carries it inside. Brushes via envelops.
Plan in Action
Michael and Millenium
INT./EXT. ELIZABETH’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Conflict with woman across the road
INT. ELIZABETH’S APPARTMENT – DAY
She lets Michel in. Conversation.
INT. ELZABETH’S KITCHEN – DAY
Farther conversation.
Elizabeth was watched over.
INT. COURT ROOM – AFTERNOON
Court process. Michael wins.
MIDPOINT TURNING POINT:
INT. SUPERMARKET – DAY
Shopping. Elizabeth is about get out of elevator, and there is Mary Paul. She holds baby boy!
INT. ELIZABETH’S APARTMENT – DAY
Lisbeth offers her to stay in her apartment. She goes shopping after milk
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – DAY
Shopping and newspaper
INT. ELIZABETH’S APPARTMENT – DAY
upon return to find both Mary Paul and her baby dead.
INT. POLICE STATION – EVENING
Investigation proves it as suicide after long instability.
Act 3
Rethink Everything
Michael and Millenium
New Plan
INT. ELIZABETH’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Blomkvist offers Elizabeth to have a kid of her own, by him
TURNING POINT: Huge failure/Major shift
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Elizabeth gives birth.
INT. ELIZABETH’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Christmas. False alarm staged, she gets kidnapped.
EXT. UNDERGROUND – NIGHT
Michael accidentally picks up on a baby, but is knifed down and turns into coma.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Erica Berger by Michael’s side.
INT. OFFICIAL’S CABINET – DAY
Figuerola tries to reach her authority, but meets dead wall
Act 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
INT. JAIL CELL – DAY
Elizabeth gets confined into military bunker
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
Undergoing physical suppression
INT. JAIL CELL – DAY
Her only way out are her skills of hacker and power of determination
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
Recovers and starts working in disguise, with number assigned to her
INT. OFFICE ROOM – DAY
Befriends one of the clerks, but is on bad terms with another
Hacks the system and uses information to plan her escape
Murders bad coworker to get via fingerprint entry door
EXT. BUNKER’S YARD – DAY
Steels the track, but slips on roadside when pursued
INT. MEDICAL TRACK – DAY
Awakes at medical car and shots guard and nurse
EXT. BUNKER’S TARD – DAY
Uses commotion during staged terrorist attack to get away
RESOLUTION
EXT. ROAD TO CITY – DAY
Raining. Walks the road up to city, breaks the phone to reach her contacts
EXT. STOCKHOLM STREETS – DAY
Recollections about her childhood friend she made
INT. CAFE – DAY
her business partner at lore time
INT. LOCKERS – DAY
Gets new documents with another identity
INT. RENTED ROOM – DAY
Browses net, hacking, to find her daughter’s whereabouts
INT./EXT. BUS TO STOKHOLM – DAY
Recognizing what endangers her
EXT. PARK – DAY
Dropping idea to kidnap her daughter back
INT. ESCALATOR – DAY
Farewells with Michael and goes on her way
With new documents, Lisbeth fleets Sweden for England
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Hello, I’m Alice Eden
This will be my third script.
I couldn’t refuse idea of taking this class.
I smoke American Spirit, true cigarettes for a contamplator. This connects me with my guru, who once believef, one should not even approach piano, unless he smoked the pot!
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Alice Eden
I agree to the terms of this release form
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Alice’s Transformational Events
What I learned doing this assignment is Ive got some inner barrier to say the things the way they are, I don’t know why. Might be author’s block. I made myself because I need to do the class. It starts looking a bit like beat sheet. Middle part still seems to me belittled. I commonly do start and end, and middle is not there. There are also absent possible lines of who is Albert Schenke and how we know it. I’m not sure is he extracted out of jail right after trial, or is he given little of charge, and as if been there, or is he given new identity. And how we know in what way he previously was connected with Elizabeth.
Start with the Character Arc and the list of Old Ways and New Ways.
From Girl with Dragon Tattoo to anonymity
Old Ways
Multiple sexual contacts
Acting on her own accord
Hiding a wound of killing someone
New Ways
Becoming a mother
Compelling to system to break through
Murders someone to run away
3. Make a list of 6 – 8 changes or steps that need to happen for that character to go from who they are in the beginning (Old Ways) to who they are in the ending (New Ways).
Attempting to hide her identity
Staying with one partner
Playing a role to recover
Recognizing what endangers her
4. Sequence the steps from easiest to most difficult. This will imply the journey the character takes.
Removing Wasp Tattoo
Leaving Sweden
Facing her fears or flows
Accepting HE is gone
Giving Birth
Undergoing physical suppression
Run Away from military bunker
Dropping idea to kidnap her daughter back
Getting into life with another identity
5. Brainstorm dramatic events or tests that could cause those changes for the character.
Stieg Larson’s first Novel gets into popularity
Michael marries Figuerola
She gets connected with Albert Schenke and gets attached to him
When he disappears, she goes all the way to find him
Accepts, he is gone after accident
Meets Mary Paul again, but that one suicides
Gives birth to a daughter
Gets kidnapped into bunker
Recovers and starts working in disguise, with number assigned to her
Hacks the system and uses information to plan her escape
Murders one of coworkers to get via fingerprint entry door
Shots guard and nurse in medical car
Browses net, hacking, to find her daughter’s whereabouts
Farewells with Michael and goes on her way
6. Add these transformational events to your four act structure.
Act 1:
Opening
· Stieg Larson’s first Novel gets into popularity
· Lisbeth runs into bestseller on book counter, with dragon tattoo on the cover
· Removing Wasp Tattoo
Michael Blomkvist’s contacts with Figuerola makes Lisbeth leave Sweden for United States
Elizabeth in Los Vegas
Accidental meeting with Armansky prompts recollections of how and why she made her tattoos
Inciting Incident Elizabeth in her new expensive car gets stopped on the road by policemen
Looking to improve her documents status She accidentally meets with Sweden official, who happens to be Albert Schenke
They come into close relationships
She browses his comp, but it is totally empty of any personal information
Turning Point
After Lisbeth visits Sweden and restores relationships with Michael, Albert is not to be found. She applies her skills to the bits of information she has and comes close to his vicinity in England. He can’t refuse it, and they reconnect.
Act 2:
New plan
After spending five years of paradise together on the US West, Albert himself offers Elizabeth to pay Sweden a visit. There he gets run over crossing the street. Both Michael and Elizabeth believe he’s gone.
· Accepts, he is gone after accident
Plan in action
Michael and Millenium
Conflict with woman across the road
Midpoint Turning Point
Lisbeth accidentally runs on Mary Paul. She now has a baby. Lisbeth offers her to stay in her apartment. She goes shopping after milk, upon return to find both Mary Paul and her baby dead. Investigation proves it as suicide after long instability.
Act 3:
Rethink everything
Michael and Millenium
New plan
Blomkvist offers Elizabeth to have a kid of her own, by him.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Elizabeth gives birth. False alarm staged, she gets kidnapped. Michael accidentally picks up on a baby, but is knifed down and turns into coma.
Figuerola tries to reach her authority, but meets dead wall
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Elizabeth gets confined in a military bunker.
Undergoing physical suppression
Her only way out are her skills of hacker and power of determination.
· Recovers and starts working in disguise, with number assigned to her
· Befriends one of clerks, but is on bad terms with another
· Hacks the system and uses information to plan her escape
· Murders bad coworker to get via fingerprint entry door
· Steels the track, but slips on roadside when pursued
· Awakes at medical car and Shots guard and nurse
· Uses commotion during false terrorist attack to get away
Resolution
· Walks the road up to the city, breaks the phone to reach her contacts
· Recollections about her childhood friend she made her business partner at lore time
· Gets new documents with another identity
· Browses net, hacking, to find her daughter’s whereabouts
· Recognizing what endangers her
· Dropping idea to kidnap her daughter back
· Farewells with Michael and goes on her way
With new documents, Lisbeth fleets Sweden for England.
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4 Act Transformational Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is I noticed how certain scenes don’t enter into outline, though they are important vehicle for story and intended to capture interest. I’m not sure if I built it correctly. I honestly left blank points of which I don’t know anything, and going to do very little as Michael and Millenium. I’m not sure how to mend it and if that would be proved necessary. Overall it looks much more boring than I would expect, maybe that’s my choice of words, and if rephrased and certain key elements entered, it would shine. I also have rather five act structure, first part for recollections, and fifth for resolution.
Create a first draft of your 4 Act Transformational Structure.
1. Give us the following:
Concept
Pay off to Stieg Larson’s Set up
Main Conflict
Lisbeth’s former experience puts her on the way of hidden antagonist and gets caught in a political web
Old Ways
Girl with Dragon Tattoo
New Ways
Anonymity
2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.
Act 1:
Opening
Michael Blomkvist’s contacts with Figuerola makes Lisbeth leave Sweden for United States
Inciting Incident
She accidentally meets with Sweden official, who happens to be Albert Schenke
Turning Point
After Lisbeth visits Sweden and restores relationships with Michael, Albert is not to be found. She applies her skills to the bits of information she has and comes close to his vicinity in England. He can’t refuse it, and they reconnect.
Act 2:
New plan
After spending five years of paradise together on the US West, Albert himself offers Elizabeth to pay Sweden a visit. There he gets run over crossing the street. Both Michael and Elizabeth believe he’s gone.
Plan in action
Michael and Millenium
Midpoint Turning Point
Lisbeth accidentally runs on Mary Paul. She now has a baby. Lisbeth offers her to stay in her apartment. She goes shopping after milk, upon return to find both Mary Paul and her baby dead. Investigation proves it as suicide after long instability.
Act 3:
Rethink everything
Michael and Millenium
New plan
Blomkvist offers Elizabeth to have a kid of her own, by him.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Elizabeth gives birth. False alarm staged, she gets kidnapped. Michael accidentally picks up on a baby, but is knifed down and turns into coma.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Elizabeth gets confined in a military bunker. Her only way out are her skills of hacker and power of determination.
Resolution
With new documents, Lisbeth fleets Sweden for England.
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Character Profile Part 2
What I learned doing this assignment is what constitutes character’s profiles. That I use too many words for explanation. It draws us a picture for many vectors of action in movie, and connects past and present of heroes.
2. Fill in Part 2 of the character Profile for your two lead characters.
Elizabeth Salander
What draws us to this character? What would be the future
of Elizabeth Salander if Stieg Larson would continue with his novels? <div>Traits: Supra intelligent, sexual, weaponized, and wounded.
Subtext: she questions and looking for answers, at lest
till limitsFlaw: She’s different, almost misplaced person, maniacs
perceive her as a victim, and believe they can manipulate her.Values: Recognition in between of Good and Evil, as she
met evil at the young age, was tied to the bed for a year. Freedom, liberty.
Sexual contacts, attraction.Irony: External irony is though she loves men, but she
also prefers women and uses some sex toys. Internal is she, as a daughter
of Salashenko, means she is daughter of a killer, of bad man. She even
tried to explore, is it in her DNA. What’s the problem with her, when she
thought of why she wants to hit Michael Blomkvist in a face, if she likes
him.· What makes this the right character for this role?
I give new Elizabeth. What makes her same Elizabeth? She’s A hacker, she’s bisexual, she’s often resilient, tries to avoid or escape people. Wounded. Clever, etc.
Michael Blomkvist
What draws us to this character? What role Michael plays
for Elizabeth? How they wave their contacts? </div><div>Traits: Quick thinking, ironic speech, independence, honesty.
Subtext: He pretty much can hide for a long time, and play
the role as he uncovers anything.Flaw: he has soft spot for Elizabeth. He can’t get out of
who he isValues: Exposure of dark plots is important for him, but
he would definitely sacrifice his search for the sake of love, especially if
he doesn’t have much traces.Irony: manipulated by Figuerola
· What makes this the right character for this role? He is liberated and sacrificial.
Albert Schenke
What draws us to this character? He evokes compassion for
his internal conflict and how he sacrifices for it. </div><div>Traits: Erudite, cynic, esthete, deep feelings
Subtext: no trace or evidence of personal attachments
Flaw: he does by his authority, and agrees with their perspective
Values: better thing, stability and safety, to be at the
wheel, powers at background #2 He works for the aimIrony: He right away gave permission to remove unwanted
element. Now, this happened to be someone he fallen in love with. He keeps
hiding he’s the one who could hurt her, but this gives internal conflict, which
sooner or later would break down. And he won’t be able to continue this way.
External conflict is, he is in close relationship with no one else, but Elizabeth
Salander, A hacker, who keeps coming back to Michael Blomkvist, editor of Millennium
magazine, where they undug and expose. This endangers his identity and career.· What makes this the right character for this role? He’s ruthless, self willed, and sensitive. He’s A man of logic. And feelings as well. He would stay with Elizabeth as far as he is attracted. But then would disappear so that she won’t be looking for him.
</div>
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Character Profiles Part 1
What I learned doing this assignment is what types of protagonists and antagonists there are, how they correlate with genre
Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
Victim<div>
3. Pick the type of role your Antagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
Predator<div>
4. What other characters might be necessary?
Supporting characters: Michael Blomkvist, Albert
Schenke
Minor roles: Dragan Armansky, Holger Palmgren, Mary
Paul, Erica Berger, Figuerola
Background characters: policemen, secret agents, casino
guys, others5. Pick your genre.
Thriller<div>
6. Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.
Albert Schenke
Role in the story: Lisbeth’s new love and long term
partner </div>Age range and Description: 56, stout blond
Internal Journey:
External Journey:Motivation: He is amid background forces
Wound: He gave green light to remove Lisbeth
Mission/Agenda: Secret Agent in hide out
Secret: His Identity
What makes Him special? He is person- enigma, with no
previous life or attachments, which he sheds of as a coat away, and
dresses another, and with this he keeps human.<div>
Michael Blomkvist
Role in the story: Editor of Millennium magazine,
Lisbeth’s in and out lover
Age range and Description: 48, getting aged still good
looking tall and handsome </div>Internal Journey:
External Journey:Motivation: He want have his life with Figuerola. But
needs Elizabeth with him as well.Wound: He played kind of evil genius for Lisbeth
Mission/Agenda: Exposure of political, financial, etc.
criminalsSecret: He didn’t go after trail when he wanted
Elizabeth out of jailWhat makes them special? His approach to thing. Keen,
vision.<div>
Elizabeth Salander
Role in the story: in and out of surveillance, she ends
in military bunker, but escapes </div>Age range and Description: 29-42, slim and a-changing, hacker
Internal Journey:
External Journey:Motivation:
Wound: She brings evil doom to those she comes into
relationship
Mission/Agenda:
Secret: Her tattoos, reason behind. Money source. What
she saw at Martin Vanger’s basement.What makes them special? She’s different.
</div></div>
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Alice’s Transformational Journey
What I learned doing this assignment is there might be many antagonist/ protagonist lines in here
Who is your Hero and what is their Character Arc that represents a transformation?
Elizabeth Salander, Girl with Dragon Tattoo
Internal Journey: she keeps many secrets, many of them
buried <div>External Journey: she is forced to face her enemy to
survive<div>
3. What are the Old Ways and New Ways?
Lisbeth turns from Wasp and Girl with Dragon Tattoo into anonymity.
</div></div>
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What I've learned doing this assignment is that a good scene is a combination of action at extreme point and its content aka Essence, corresponding with theme of a story.
Apocalypse NowLogline: Crew deteriorates. Machine gun peasful Vietnamese on a boat.
Essence: War Hysteria, were all values are missplaced. WILLARD starts seeing background of it.
EXT. RIVER - PBR - DAY
The crew are all on the PBR. Clean is at the back attempting to shave. Chef is sitting in back busy cooking up one of his specialties on top of the engine, giving Clean a hard time about the girls. The Chief is at the helm, a little sore at what's happening to his crew.
CHEF
(to Clean)
Well, I didn't know you never got
no pussy!
CLEAN
Shut the fuck up!
CHEF
Sure sorry about that. If I had
known, I would have taken you to
New Orleans. Teach you some of
the moves.
CHIEF
Lay off, Chef!
Willard studies the shadowy photo of Kurtz we saw earlier, as Chef teases Clean in the background.
CHEF
Cherry boy, Cherry boy.
CLEAN
You're fucking dumb!
CHEF
We'll go to New Orleans. I'll get
you fixed up, you prick.
CHIEF
Lay off, Chef.
CLEAN
You're the only prick I see around
here. If I wanna play with a prick,
I'll play with my own.
CHEF
You wouldn't know what to do with
it!
VIEW ON LANCE
Ignoring all this. He is painting his face with brown and green camouflage greasepaint. It is quite ornate-almost psychedelic. He holds a compact in his hand.
CHIEF
Chef, I said lay off! Knock it
off! Give him a break! What do
you think I said? And give your
jaws a rest. And this ain't the
army! You are a sailor. So get
out of that frizzly army-looking
shirt and stop smoking that dope,
you hear me?
He looks back to Lance.
CHIEF
Lance, what's with all the green
paint?
LANCE
Camouflage.
CHIEF
How's that?
LANCE
So they can't see you. They're
everywhere. Chief.
The Chief reacts...what the hell can he say.
CHIEF
Uh-huh. I want you to stay awake
up there, man. You got a job to
do.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. THE PBR - DAY
The Chief steers the PBR up river and around a bend. He sees something ahead, shouts to the crew.
CHIEF
Sampan off the port bow. Sampan
off the port bow. Let's take a
look.
POV VIEW
A SAMPAN, heading down-river, riding low in the water.
BACK TO PBR CREW
Everybody on the crew has reacted, as the Chief continues to bark orders.
CHIEF
Lance, bring them in. Clean, on
the 60. Chef, get a 16. Clean,
get on that 60!
Lance jumps up from his hammock, grabs his M16. Clean shuts off his radio, jumps up and moves to the M60 machine gun. By this time Willard has moved up next to the Chief, wondering what the hell is going on.
WILLARD
What's up, Chief?
CHIEF
A junk boat, Captain. We're gonna
take a routine check.
WILLARD
Let's forget routine now, and let
them go.
CHIEF
These boats are running supplies
in this delta, Captain. I'm gonna
take a look.
WILLARD
Chief, my mission's got priority
here. Hell, you wouldn't even be
in this part of the river, if it
wasn't for me.
CHIEF
Until we reach your destination,
Captain, you're just on for the
ride.
Willard realizes that this is a ploy by the Chief to establish his authority. Nothing is going to stop him.
ANOTHER ANGLE-TO INCLUDE SAMPAN AND PBR
The PBR slides alongside the sampan. THREE NERVOUS VIETNAMESE MEN and ONE YOUNG WOMAN look up from the baskets of rice, mangoes, fish, etc.
CHIEF
All right, come on, let's bring it
over. Look in that forward hooch.
Bring the people out of there.
By this time the third man has crossed forward and joined the others.
CHEF
Hurry up, motherfuckers! Move it!
Can couc!
They hand their ID cards to Chef.
CHIEF
Keep your eyes open, Clean.
CLEAN
(on the machine gun)
I got you Chief.
Willard just sits down, resigned to this show of the Chief's authority.
Chef looks at them and nods his approval. He hands them to Chief.
CHIEF
Board it and search it.
CHEF
There ain't nothing on it, Chief.
CHIEF
Board it and search it.
CHEF
Just baskets and ducks. Bananas.
There ain't nothing on it.
CHIEF
Go on it and search it.
CHEF
Just a goat. Some fish. Bunch of
fucking vegetables.
The Chief finally gets pissed off, he turns and screams at Chef:
CHIEF
Get on that boat!
CHEF
There's nothing on it, man!
CHIEF
Get on that boat!
Chef starts down into the Vietnamese sampan. He is really pissed off. He shoves the Vietnamese men out of the way.
CHEF
(to man)
Move it, asshole.
The Chief watches as Chef goes through the routine of examining the sampan and what it carries. He is very nervous as he looks in all the baskets.
CHEF
Pigs! Mangoes! What's in the
rice bag? Fucking rice!
CHIEF
Well, look in there, Chef!
CHEF
Fucking fish! More coconuts.
Rice. Here's rice.
CHIEF
What's in that vegetable basket?
Chef moves deeper into the sampan. He looks at the Vietnamese girl that is sitting on a yellow can.
CHEF
(to girl)
Can couc! Come on! Get out of
there.
He grabs her and finally pulls her out of the interior of the cabin. He moves it and starts looking around.
CHIEF
Check that vegetable basket.
CHEF
All right!
One of the Vietnamese men starts to protest.
CLEAN
Shut up, slope!
CHEF
There ain't nothing in here.
CHIEF
What's in the boxes? Look in that
tin can. That rusty can.
CHEF
Just fucking rice, that's all!
There ain't nothing in it!
CHIEF
Check that yellow can. She was
sitting on it. What's in it?
Chef starts for it. All of a sudden, the girl moves. Clean opens up with the M60. She is blown apart, falling back on the deck.
In an instant, THEY ALL OPEN FIRE. One of the Vietnamese men is blown apart into the water, and the others are gunned down in their tracks.
All of them continue to fire their rifles and guns widly, yelling obscenities. Willard has his .45 out but does not shoot.
CLEAN
Motherfuckers!
CHEF
(weeping)
Let's kill them all!
LANCE
Fucking cocksucker motherfuckers!
Finally the Chief calls out to them.
CHIEF
Hold it! Hold it!
They all stop firing, but Chef, Lance, and Clean are mumbling hysterically.
CHEF
Let's kill all the assholes!
CHIEF
Chef, hold it! Hold it!
CHEF
(hysterically)
...why not?
CHIEF
Clean?
CLEAN
I'm good.
CHIEF
You okay, Lance?
LANCE
Shit! Fuck!
CHIEF
Chef?
Chef has moved to the yellow can that the Vietnamese girl was sitting on. He opens the lid and checks what she had hidden.
CHEF
Look what she was hiding. She
what she was running for?
He reaches inside of the can, and pulls out a PUPPY. They all react.
CHEF
A fucking puppy! A puppy.
LANCE
Gimme that dog! Gimme that dog!
CHEF
No, you're not gonna get it!
LANCE
Give me the fucking dog, asshole!
Lance grabs the dog from him, kicking Chef back. Chef throws a mango at him.
CHEF
Fuck you! Fucking mango, too!
You want that?
The Vietnamese girl, still alive and bleeding, moves behind Chef.
CHIEF
Chef, she's moving behind you.
She's alive. Check her out.
Chef turns and bends down to her.
CHEF
Come on, Clean, goddamnit, give me
a hand!
Clean jumps down into the sampan. He and Chef pick up the girl and carry her to the edge of the boat.
CHEF
She's not dead. She's moving.
(to group)
Let's take it easy. Take it easy.
Slow down and take it easy.
CLEAN
Bring her up.
CHIEF
Is she breathing, Chef?
CHEF
She's hurt. She's bleeding.
CHIEF
Bring her onboard. We're taking
her to an ARVN.
ANOTHER ANGLE ON TO INCLUDE WILLARD
Willard looks at the girl and then to Chief.
WILLARD
What are you talking about?
CHIEF
We're taking her to some friendlies.
She's wounded, she's not dead.
Willard hold his .45. Looks down at Chef nd the girl.
WILLARD
Get out of there, Chef.
CHIEF
The book says, Captain-
Before anybody can react, Willard aims and SHOOTS THE GIRL DEAD with his .45. She falls dead in Chef's arms.
CHEF
Fuck you. Fuck them.
Willard turns and looks at the Chief.
WILLARD
I told you not to stop. Now let's
go.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
EXT. THE RIVER - PBR
The boat moves up the river.
WILLARD (V.O.)
It was a way we had over here of
living with ourselves. We'd cut
them in half with a machine gun,
and give them a Band-Aid. It was
a lie. And the more I saw of them,
the more I hated liars. Those
boys were never gonna look at me
the same way again, but I felt
like I knew one or two things about
Kurtz, that weren't in the dossier.
-
Hello! I’m Alice Eden.
I’ve written two screenplays.
I hope it would help me to resurrect my first script, it is missing a couple of scenes.
I’m Fine Artist. I work in oil, watercolor, and anything else.
-
Alice Eden
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
-
Dear Mr such and such
I’ve got your information at…
-What is your address?
-Quiet Street! Small House!
At Planet MIROPOLIS 260 B.C. by Earth Count, in order to make death more peaceful, society has developed nano-death, where skull and body “separate” in geometric 3D grid.
PROFESSOR keeps human inside techno society, supported by his sensitive girlfriend KIAT. But, Kiat goes missing without a trace after weekend offshore.
Professor accidentally runs on ANAUPSH here and there, but has no clue she is behind missing cases. Inside her Incubator at Research Institute, she hides monster, composed from bodily parts of her victims.
When Anaupsh releases her monsters, they get destroyed by Helicopter Dispatch. JUDGE has no mistake at what monster his sister is, and plays his own game, Separating under impact.
After his vision, ZONES for outcastes are Created.
70 years later… LENA, born inside, Escapes Reservation. To find out she would never Survive traumatized experience of Zone. Neither her intelligent partner, who ends up Separating.
Zones continue, meanwhile bring qualified outside is an impossible task, as WARDS are prohibited to use weapon on civilians.
MIROPOLIS. SEPARATION is #1 of planned series of four full feature movie scripts.
Would you like to read first ten pages of it?
If you enjoy my writing and are about content ski-fi project, I would be happy to share my screenplay with you!
Sincerely,
Alice Eden
(617)309-0128
-
Alice’s Career Plan
What I learned from this lesson is
I don’t know if it is “putting hard work for tomorrow”, but I would rather wait a little bit, and change some flows, review it, then market. And meanwhile coming back to rewrite my first script, which is hard task, I so much hate remake things, and that requires a vision, and sacrifices, and working on it, as I made it too long. And I already started checking it, which is much easier after taking ProSeries. I also was enrolled at Rewrite class, when we started writing, so I sacrificed it, and naturally dropped out. Why I want to come back to it is because it’s on the same theme, and might be easier to market.
1. Please tell us the answers to these questions about your next six months of activity:
A. What is your overall screenwriting goal for the next six months?
I plan to come back to my first script, rewrite it, and double the quality, to sell first, then offer the one I’ve written at ProSeries81
B. What are you going to do to elevate quality?
By taking your class
C. How are you going to build a library of marketable scripts?
I would rather take Incredible Movies class next time you offer it, and write next script doing assignments. As it proves to be more profound. But I started on Beat Sheet already.
D. What do you think might be your specialty (brand)?
My specialty is content ski fi. Techno society, destruction of planet as a result of evil scientific experiment, division into castes, advanced physical transformation, belonging of woman to the partner.
E. How are you going build a stronger network?
The way you advise it
F. How are you going to improve your understanding of doing this business?
By experience, learning from you, or intuition
G. How are you going to market yourself and your writing?
Via LinkedIn by sending Query Letters, or pitching. My first scenario might be easier to market as I’m less concerned about it. I know it has flows. If that does not work, I would go with my script I’ve written during ProSeries, about which I’m much more confident.
-
What I learned during this assignment is, I tried to put story info into it, and then I recognised what hooks really are. Something was wrong in the middle of synopsis, and I added ‘explanation’. I don’t know if that is ok. I’ve got no credit, but that is as well fine, as I might get some prior I really start marketting. I tend to be a bit too specific, but such is the nature of things! Over all, I learned tremendous amount of information. I can’t help recalling how every time yesterday if I attempted Query Letter, I was permitted by sensation of how this is just awfull, boring, lugging row of gross sentences! Never again! I’m so, so much gratefull! It’s not ideal, and I feel there is something not so correct with it, but this is not cumbersome writing I would ‘compose’ yestarday, and it was deep pleasure finding these sentences writing it in this format Hal gives!
Dear Mr. Producer, etc.
I’m turning to you with my original ski fi screenplay
-What is your address?
-Quiet Street! Small House!
Planet MIROPOLIS 260 B.C. by Earth Count, popular with nano-death at which skull and body “separate” in geometric 3D grid.
PROFESSOR tries to stay human inside techno society, supported by his sensitive girlfriend KIAT. But, Kiat gets missing without a trace right after spent offshore weekend.
Professor accidentally runs on ANAUPSH here and there, but has no clue she is behind missing cases. Inside her Incubator at Research Institute, she hides monster, composed from bodily parts of her victims.
Let to float, monsters get destroyed by Helicopter Dispatch. Artificial bio-modules for MIROPOLIS are same as AI for Earth – constant fear.
JUDGE has no mistake at what monster his sister is, and plays his own game.
After his vision, ZONES for outcastes are Created.
70 years later… LENA, born inside, Escapes Reservation. Would she Survive traumatized experience of Zone?
Would Zones continue, if to pick up at qualified is an impossible task, as WARDS are prohibited to use weapon on civilians?
MIROPOLIS. SEPARATION is #1 of planned series of four full feature movie scripts.
Would you like to read first ten pages of it?
If you would like my writing and are about large project with quality ski-fi I would be happy to send you my screenplay and treatment!
Sincerely,
Alice Eden
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Alice’s Target Market
What I learned doing this assignment is that was real hard to step across the border. My log line needs ajastments. I used Wikipedia to come up with list of producers, so it’s probably lacking. Must go ImbdPro when doing this for real.
I really want Keanu be my Ward. Though this role is for half an hour. And he is too old for Son of Main Commander.
There are not exactly movies like this. If to take the best ski fi movies with the best actors, then producers come up to Steven Spielberg…
There are a lot of work ahead
MIROPOLIS. SEPARATION
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
Sci-fi
1. movies
Oblivion
The Island (2005)
Matrix
Dune
In Time
Actors
Oscar Isaak
Keanu Reeves
Josh Brolin
2. 20 to 100 producers
Eric Newman
Erwin Stoff
Mary Parent
Denis Villeneuve
Cake Boyter
Joe Caracciolo Jr.
James McTeigue
Lana Wachowski
Grant Hill
Nick Wechler
Steve Schwartz
Paula Mae Schwartz
Nicolas Chartier
Basil William Ivanyk
Lorenzo de Bonaventura
Mark Vahradian
Mark Huffam
Michael Bay
Ian Bryce
Walter Parker
Bonnie Curtis
Kathleen Kennedy
Steven Spielberg
Peter Chernin
Dylan Clank
Duncan Henderson
Joseph Kosinski
Barry Levine
David Hoberman
Todd Lieberman
Max Handleman
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Alice Ready for Critique!
Miropolis. Separation.
Part 1
OPENING SCENE:
‘Ongoing Experiment checking on how artificial nano-death works.’
LIFE STREAM moves ahead. Enclosed space. Current jumps over similarity of 3D objects. IT SNAPS. (Signal is Given.) Fork on its Way. Instead of ahead, LIFE STREAM turns left. Digitized Block walls on its way separate and move aside in symmetry, unveiling similarity of landscape. Life Stream gulfing into “open”.
We move upper into grey space.
QUESTION IN MALE VOIE(V.O.)
What new qualities did you acquire?
ANSWER IN FEMALE VOICE(V.O.)
I can move walls apart!
EXT. TOP OF RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Aerial view of the city. On flat roof of old-fashioned residential building is a squared basin.
Just caught fish sparkles under sunrays.
Hands disattach it from fishing line, and we see this blond male sitting on the edge of the basin, pants rolled up, dropping feet into water.
JUDGE (O.S.)
That is a FISH! He caught it!
Quite near from the basin on the chair is old man with four year old girl on his lap. JUDGE (73), looking spectacular at his old age and tall height, all-polished, polite, obviously intelligent, and kind to his granddaughter he attends to.
INCITING INCIDENT:
Digital image on the screen of small plane icon, with trace line showing it crossing water plane from one shore to another.
View widens, and we can see that is not Earth globe, though resembles. Two archipelagoes are as if reversed, with small piece of island at equator, there are no ice at poles, and long peninsula runs at South of Eastern hemisphere.
Plane travels above at the North from right to left.
View widens farther on, and we see this small digital screen fixed on the back of one of the chairs, and we are on the plane, now in the air.
This is…
Planet MIROPOLIS 260 B.C. by Earth count.
North of Miropolis. Plane crosses from their Far East, Hawaii-like resort area back to Eastern shore of Western Hemisphere. Just some strip of Ocean water.
PILOT (O.S.)
Free citizens of the WEST! We are experiencing slight weather trouble due to the Northern winds, please remain seated. Landing on East Shore of Miropolis in about one and a half hours supposedly.
Really, plane shakes a bit, moving up and down under winds.
THANAKH, (34), middle-height, light-haired, even-tempered, as if everything in him is some kind of tempered ideal, Scientist working at Research Institute, travels back with his girlfriend KIAT (27), subtle attractive brunet, her skin darkened under sun they spent weekend under.
THANAKH
Kiat, awake, we are home!
Kiat awakes, pulls out cosmetic mirror, and puts on lipstick, making her lips really dark red.
She glances on Thanakh, and they hold hands, trying to make it less visible, and looking away from each other.
INT. THANAKH’S APARTMENT – DAY
Small but cozy one-room apartment of Thanakh, which combines bedroom, guest room with a screen, and office with computer, is submerged in dusk.
Thanakh enters. Phone rings. He picks it up.
THANAKH
Hello!
DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Did you receive documentation?
THANAKH
Yes.
DIRECTOR (O.S.)
You have to be prepared to speak tomorrow!
THANAKH
It’s done. Are you sure it went thru?
DIRECTOR (O.S.)
You had to read it already!
SHORT AFTER
Thanakh switches comp on, and gets to window, displaying files, all reports from labs quarter work he needs to speak of at tomorrow’s meeting. He opens first file, and makes printout, as he reads it briefly on screen.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
One of the files appears to be dark, he cannot open it. It belongs to report on ANAUPSH lab, her name typed above.
Thanakh clicks on it a few times, then relaxes back on a chair.
THANAKH
Damaged!
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Empty night street. Thanakh jumps into taxi to run to Research Institute, where he can retrieve that file.
EXT. BEFORE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Sideway of RI, where there is security check.
Thanakh jumps out of taxi, running inside.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Thanakh runs inside past security. He doesn’t stop to check.
SECURITY GUY
In a hurry?
THANAKH
File doesn’t open.
Goes on his way.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
Dark desolated office.
Thanakh switches comp on, opens file, an attempts to print it, but printer is lacking paper.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Thanakh unlocks wall cabinet, searching for printing paper.
Voice at the back.
NIGHT GUARD (O.S.)
What are you doing in here?
THANAKH
And you?
Thanakh turns around to face Night Guard. Night Guard drops gun down.
NIGHT GUARD
Ahh, this is you!
THANAKH
Don’t play on my nerves, don’t stay at my back.
Guard walks away down the corridor.
Thanakh pulls out box with printing paper, and looks into back of retrieving Night Guard guy.
There is some weakness in the way he walks down the dark corridor, illuminated only by blue light out of windows. As if he is an expected pray and is doomed.
Shouts to his back.
THANAKH
Hey!
Night Guard doesn’t turn, instead making pacifying gesture with his hand, still holding weapon down. And continues his relaxed night walk.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
Thanakh continues on files, as radiophone beeps. It prints in red dots on small display ‘I LOVE YOU’. This is message from Kiat.
Thanakh continues to work. And falls asleep right there at the desk.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm works. Man jumps from bed.
INT. OFFICE – MORNING
Thanakh looks down into window, he can see this man, one of lab workers, coming. Kiat is still not there.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Amid couple of others, Thanakh walks down noisy corridor of Research Institute, holding his documents. He keeps glancing over them, as if suspicious over something in printout of that file.
Woman of rather small height passes him, walking at another direction. He turns after her, looking at her back.
THANAKH
Is it Anaupsh?
FIRST TURNING POINT:
Thanakh’s lab. A couple of workers, mostly young, and girls, in white lab attires. Thanakh looks around.
THANAKH
Where is Kiat?
He receives back conspicuous glances from girls around, hiding jealousy, saying silently how he is cheated over man.
INT. STORAGE ROOM – MORNING
Dark figures on background of day-light windows of small storage room. Anaupsh violently fights Kiat.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Thanakh calls Kiat. She doesn’t pick it up, and he leaves a message.
THANAKH
Kiat, you weren’t at the lab today. Call me!
INT. THANAKH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Signal of Digital Clock on the wall, its disc white on the left and black on the right, representing two Archipelagoes, to indicate global time.
ARTIFICIAL VOICE (O.S.)
TIME of MIROPOLIS has STOPPED!
Arrows holt.
Thanakh worn out rests on the sofa. Awaken by signal, he glances at his wrist watch.
Digital Display with small window on top, showing Seconds and Minutes counting extra time.
Kiat didn’t call back.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APARTMENT – DAY
Thanakh visits Kiat’s apartment.
Comes, rings door bell.
Door nearby opens, middle-aged woman in there. Looks with a smile.
WOMAN NEIGHBOR
She doesn’t live here anymore.
Thanakh gives her questioning look.
WOMAN NEIGHBOR
She didn’t appear for two nights.
Those might be two nights they spent on the weekend! What a lie!
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APARTMENT – DAY
Thanakh comes back, and calls the door of that neighbor. Silence, then steps.
WOMAN NEIGHBOR
What do you need?
Seeing expression on Thanakh’s face, she recalls what’s that about, and smiles, enjoying the process.
THANAKH
Did she turn in?
WOMAN NEIGHBOR
No, she left.
Thanakh glances back at the door.
THANAKH
Did she gather her stuff?
WOMAN NEIGHBOR
Yes.
She’s perceptibly lying.
INT. KIAT’S APARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s one-room apartment, with shadowed windows, neatly kept, but few things, bearing signs of her leaving at the morning. Open door of a closet. Jumper thrown on the bed.
Entrance door cracks, pressed from outside. Lock gives in.
LATER
A couple of policemen under chief, accompanied by Thanakh.
POLICE CHIEF
Women leave.
THANAKH
She didn’t take clothes.
POLICE CHIEF
Do you have in mind, where she could go?
THANAKH
No. She needs reappear at her working place!
POLICE CHIEF
Maybe, she flied across the boundary?
THANAKH
Without clothes, money, and documents?
Police Officer looks around apartment, as if searching for the answer, but missing it.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Crowd of RI workers sits in ascending rows, under bluish-colored wall. Every face is distinct.
Thanakh stands some distance before them, lecturing.
THANAKH
We have here conditions for working on science, on our subject. These conditions are supposed to be comfortable, so that we could address, occupy, dedicate to our ongoing researches, working and learning. This is a place for juniors and interns to get education. I would confess how I mostly am connected to the research of my lab I’m a head of. And maybe paying not enough attention, or not follow closely enough what is ongoing at jointed labs. Still, I am genuinely aggravated that no one pays attention at a fact person has disappeared. If someone would work day after day for a period, short or long, I would at least ask the question, where is he going, or where did he went? We’ve got so many lab workers. I personally cannot keep track of all of them. But I cannot mark not who is present at my own lab who’s absent, because I need’em. How come no one questions Kiat’s absence? She was working on regular basis non-stop, dedicating to research and education, like all of you. And honestly, friends, I just don’t understand your indifference!
Thanakh stops with an air of translucency.
ALARM MAN
I’ve seen her that day.
Everyone looks at him. Man gets awkward.
ALARM MAN
I could’ve make a mistake. It was still dark then.
THANAKH
Did someone else disappear?
ADMINISTRATOR
Few people took leave from us.
THANAKH
Who are these?
ADMINISTRATOR
These are such, such, and such…
THANAKH
Did they submit documentation?
Administrator hesitates.
ADMINISTRATOR
It seems to me, I’ve seen one of it.
INT. RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Protagonist comes by the address of one of men who took leave.
Thanakh rings the bell. Door nearby opens. Man and woman behind it, sober faces.
THANAKH
Did he appear in here?
MAN
He left, not turning in.
Woman speaks, deeply offended.
WOMAN
We lived nearby of him for two years, he left not saying goodbye.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Middle-aged man talks quickly to Thanakh, leaning across table. He’s desperate. His face red and white from emotion. Hopelessness in his eyes deep, as a precipices.
DISTURBED MAN
My wife had disappeared. Please, look for her!
Shows a picture, a photograph. Desperate. Photo trembles in his shaking hands.
DISTURBED MAN
Here, please, take a look. She was working for you.
Thanakh dismisses him with calm gesture.
THANAKH
She probably was killed. Few people disappeared here. Don’t come in here anymore!
INT. SOCIAL SERVICES – EVENING
Thanakh is waiting to see an officer. He looks street side via window. Changes his mind, and walks away.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Thanakh walks past long wall with slogan ‘WEST is ADVANTAGE. GET SEPARATION’ on it in huge letters.
At the start of slogan, huge photograph of smiling with assurance male is cut vertically on two equal parts.
Thanakh reaches phone booth, and dials his number.
RECEPTIONIST
ORGANIZATION. Officer in charge speaking.
THANAKH
This is Thanakh.
RECEPTIONIST
And what is your report?
THANAKH
No. I didn’t change my mind. I actually want ask you a question.
RECEPTIONIST
We don’t give answers for free. For the answer you need to pay back with report. Till next time!
Line disconnects.
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Miropolis. Separation.
First ten pages, Version 2
FADE IN:
INT./EXT. INNER WORLD INSIDE OF HUMAN AS DIGITAL REPRESENTATION – OUT OF TIME
SUPERIMPOSE: Artificial nano-death. Test 43-157.
LIFE STREAM moves ahead. Enclosed space. Current jumps over similarity of 3D objects. IT SNAPS. (Signal is Given.) Fork on its Way. Instead of ahead, LIFE STREAM turns left.
Digitized Block walls on its way separate and move aside in symmetry, unveiling similarity of landscape. Life Stream gulfing into “open”.
Vision in slow motion floats up into grey space.
QUESTION IN MALE VOIE(V.O.)
What new qualities did you acquire?
ANSWER IN FEMALE VOICE(V.O.)
I can move walls apart!
EXT. TOP OF RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Aerial view of the city. On flat roof of old-fashioned residential building is a squared basin.
Just caught fish sparkles under sunrays.
Hands detach it from fishing line, and we see this blond male sitting on the edge of the basin, pants rolled up, dropping feet into water.
JUDGE (O.S.)
That is a FISH! He caught it!
Quite near from the basin on the chair is old man with four year old girl on his lap. JUDGE (73), looking spectacular at his old age and tall height, all-polished, polite, obviously intelligent, and kind to his granddaughter he attends to.
INT./EXT. PLANE IN THE AIR – DAY
Flat screen with digital image showcasing miniature plane icon, with trace line showing it crossing water surface from one shore to another.
View widens, and we can see that is not Earth globe, though resembles. Two archipelagoes are as if reversed, there are no ice at poles, and long peninsula runs at South hemisphere.
Plane travels above at the North from right to left.
View widens farther on, small digital screen is one of many fixed on the backs of chairs, interior of the plane, now in the air.
This is…
SUPERIMPOSE: Planet MIROPOLIS 260 B.C. by Earth count.
North of Miropolis. Plane crosses from their Far East, Hawaii-like resort area back to Eastern shore of Western Hemisphere. Just some strip of Ocean water.
PILOT (O.S.)
Free citizens of the WEST! We are experiencing slight weather trouble due to the Northern winds, please remain seated. Landing on East Shore of Miropolis in about one and a half hour supposedly.
Really, plane shakes a bit, moving up and down under winds.
THANAKH, (34), middle-height, light-haired, even-tempered, as if everything in him is some kind of tempered ideal, Scientist working at Research Institute, travels back with his girlfriend KIAT (27), subtle attractive brunet, her skin darkened under sun they spent weekend under.
THANAKH
Kiat, awake, we are home!
Kiat awakes, pulls out cosmetic mirror, and puts on lipstick, making her lips really dark red.
She glances on Thanakh, and they hold hands, trying to make it less visible, and looking away from each other.
INT. THANAKH’S APARTMENT – DAY
Small but cozy one-room apartment of Thanakh, which combines bedroom, guest room with a screen, and office with computer, is submerged in dusk.
Thanakh enters. Phone rings. He picks it up.
THANAKH
Hello!
DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Did you receive documentation?
THANAKH
Yes.
DIRECTOR (O.S.)
You have to be prepared to speak tomorrow!
THANAKH
It’s done. Are you sure it went thru?
DIRECTOR (O.S.)
You had to read it already!
SHORT AFTER
Thanakh switches comp on, and gets to window, displaying files, all reports from labs quarter work he needs to speak of at tomorrow’s meeting. He opens first file, and makes printout, as he reads it briefly on screen.
INT. THANAKH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
One of the files appears to be dark, he cannot open it. It belongs to report on ANAUPSH lab, her name typed above.
Thanakh clicks on file icon a couple of times, then hits back on a chair.
THANAKH
Damaged!
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Empty night street. Thanakh jumps into taxi to run to Research Institute, where he can retrieve that file.
EXT. BEFORE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Sideway of RI, where there is security check.
Thanakh jumps out of taxi, running inside.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Thanakh runs inside.
SECURITY GUY
In a hurry?
THANAKH
File doesn’t open.
Goes on his way.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
Dark desolated office.
Thanakh switches comp on, opens file, an attempts to print it, but printer is lacking paper.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Thanakh unlocks wall cabinet, searching for printing paper.
Voice at the back.
NIGHT GUARD (O.S.)
What are you doing in here?
THANAKH
And you?
Thanakh turns around to face Night Guard. Night Guard drops gun down.
NIGHT GUARD
Ahh, this is you!
THANAKH
Don’t play on my nerves, don’t stay at my back.
Guard walks away down the corridor.
Thanakh pulls out box with paper, and looks into back of retrieving Night Guard guy.
There is some weakness in the way he walks down the dark corridor, illuminated only by blue light out of windows. As if he is an expected pray and is doomed.
Shouts to his back.
THANAKH
Hey!
Night Guard doesn’t turn, instead making pacifying gesture with his hand, still holding weapon down. And continues his relaxed night walk.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
Thanakh continues on files, as radiophone beeps. It prints in red dots on small display ‘I LOVE YOU’. This is message from Kiat.
Thanakh continues to work. And falls asleep right there at the desk.
INT. ALARM MAN’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm works. Man jumps from bed.
INT. OFFICE – MORNING
Thanakh looks down into window, he can see this man, one of lab workers, coming. Kiat is still not there.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Amid couple of others, Thanakh walks down noisy corridor of Research Institute, holding his documents. He keeps glancing over them, as if suspicious over something in printout of that file.
Woman of rather small height passes him, walking at another direction. He turns after her, looking at her back.
THANAKH
Is it Anaupsh?
INT. THANAKH’S LAB – AFTERNOON
Thanakh is back after lecture.
He looks around of a couple of workers, mostly young, and girls, in white lab attires.
THANAKH
Where is Kiat?
He receives back conspicuous glances from girls around, hiding jealousy, saying silently how he is cheated over man.
INT. STORAGE ROOM – MORNING
Dark figures on background of day-light windows of small storage room. Anaupsh violently fights Kiat.
INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Thanakh calls Kiat. She doesn’t pick it up, and he leaves a message.
THANAKH
Kiat, you weren’t at the lab today. Call me!
INT. THANAKH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Signal of Digital Clock on the wall, its disc white on the left and black on the right, representing two Archipelagoes, to indicate global time.
ARTIFICIAL VOICE (O.S.)
TIME of MIROPOLIS has STOPPED!
Arrows holt.
Thanakh worn out rests on the sofa. Awaken by signal, he glances at his wrist watch.
Digital Display with small window on top, showing Seconds and Minutes counting extra time.
Kiat didn’t call back.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APARTMENT – DAY
Thanakh visits Kiat’s apartment.
Comes, rings door bell.
Door nearby opens, middle-aged woman in there. Looks with a smile.
WOMAN NEIGHBOR
She doesn’t live here anymore.
Thanakh gives her questioning look.
WOMAN NEIGHBOR
She didn’t appear for two nights.
Those might be two nights they spent on the weekend! What a lie!
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APARTMENT – DAY
Thanakh comes back, and calls the door of that neighbor. Silence, then steps.
WOMAN NEIGHBOR
What do you need?
Seeing expression on Thanakh’s face, she recalls what’s that about, and smiles, enjoying the process.
THANAKH
Did she return?
WOMAN NEIGHBOR
No, she left.
Thanakh glances back at the door.
THANAKH
Did she gather her stuff?
WOMAN NEIGHBOR
Yes.
She’s perceptibly lying.
INT. KIAT’S APARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s one-room apartment, with shadowed windows, neatly kept, but few things, bearing signs of her leaving at the morning. Open door of a closet. Jumper thrown on the bed.
Entrance door cracks, pressed from outside. Lock gives in.
LATER
A couple of policemen under chief, accompanied by Thanakh.
POLICE CHIEF
Women leave.
THANAKH
She didn’t pick up any of her clothes.
POLICE CHIEF
Do you have in mind, where she could go?
THANAKH
No. She needs to show up at her working place!
POLICE CHIEF
Maybe, she flied across the boundary?
THANAKH
Without clothes, money, and documents?
Police Officer looks around apartment, as if searching for the answer, but missing it.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Crowd of RI workers sits in ascending rows, under bluish-colored wall. Every face is distinct.
Thanakh stands some distance before them, lecturing.
THANAKH
We have here conditions for working on science, on our subject. These conditions are supposed to be comfortable, so that we could address, occupy, dedicate to our ongoing researches, working and learning. This is a place for juniors and interns to get education. I would confess how I mostly am connected to the research of my lab I’m a head of. And maybe paying not enough attention, or not follow closely enough what is ongoing at jointed labs. Still, I am genuinely aggravated that no one pays attention at a fact person has disappeared. If someone would work day after day for a period, short or long, I would at least ask the question, where is he going, or where did he went? We’ve got so many lab workers. I personally cannot keep track of all of them. But I cannot mark not who is present at my own lab who’s absent, because I need’em. How come no one questions Kiat’s absence? She was working on regular basis non-stop, dedicating to research and education, like all of you. And honestly, friends, I just don’t understand your indifference!
Thanakh stops with an air of translucency.
ALARM MAN
I’ve seen her that day.
Everyone looks at him. Man gets awkward.
ALARM MAN
I could’ve make a mistake. It was still dark then.
THANAKH
Did someone else disappear?
ADMINISTRATOR
Few people took leave from us.
THANAKH
Who are these?
ADMINISTRATOR
These are such, such, and such…
THANAKH
Did they submit documentation?
Administrator hesitates.
ADMINISTRATOR
It seems to me, I’ve seen one of it.
INT. RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Thanakh comes by the address of one of men who took leave.
Thanakh rings the bell. Door nearby opens. Man and woman behind it, sober faces.
THANAKH
Did he reappear in here?
MAN
He left, not showing up.
Woman speaks, deeply offended.
WOMAN
We lived nearby of him for two years, he left not saying goodbye.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Middle-aged man talks quickly to Thanakh, leaning across table. He’s desperate. His face red and white from emotion. Hopelessness in his eyes deep, as a precipices.
DISTURBED MAN
My wife had disappeared. Please, look for her!
Shows a picture, a photograph. Desperate. Photo trembles in his shaking hands.
DISTURBED MAN
Here, please, take a look. She was working for you.
Thanakh dismisses him with calm gesture.
THANAKH
She probably was killed. Few people disappeared here. Don’t come in here anymore!
INT. SOCIAL SERVICES – EVENING
Thanakh is waiting to see an officer. He looks street side via window. Changes his mind, and walks away.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Thanakh walks past long wall with slogan ‘WEST is ADVANTAGE. GET SEPARATION’ on it in huge letters.
At the start of slogan, huge photograph of smiling with assurance male is cut vertically on two equal parts.
Thanakh reaches phone booth, and dials his number.
RECEPTIONIST
ORGANIZATION. Officer in charge speaking.
THANAKH
This is Thanakh.
RECEPTIONIST
And what is your report?
THANAKH
No. No report. Actually, I just want ask you something.
RECEPTIONIST
We don’t give answers here. This line is for report. Till next time!
Line disconnects.
-
-
Alice’s Completed Third Act
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is
It feels a little bit too quick. A bit fragmental. I enjoyed doing the assignment.
MIROPOLIS
SEPARATION
Show us your final act by giving us one paragraph on each
of the following:
1. SETUP: Give us a paragraph or two about the first two acts so
we’ll understand the story.
Part 1
Story occurs at planet MIROPOLIS, at Western hemisphere. They are techno society, and have artificial death, called SEPARATION, which supposes to protect its owner.
At huge ground of Research Institute workers keep missing. When mystery uncovers, strange words spelled at the process about filtering of society lead to creation of Zones.
2. PLOT POINT 2 — A major twist that sends the story towards
its final destination.
Part 2
Seventy Years After Separation
LENA, young girl born inside, runs away from one of Restricted Reservations after her Ward’s death.
3. CRISIS — The decision point.
Outside she is accidentally picked up by Son of Main Commander, second military rank from the top. They undergo ups and downs in ‘close to Civil War’ situation inside of the country, but finish up together.
4. CLIMAX — Bring the Protagonist face to face with the
Antagonist to face his biggest fear.
Complex and absurd situation occurs at their stay as a couple at a hotel, resulting at long wakeful night, full of events.
5. RESOLUTION — Show the effects of the climax and tie up
loose ends.
Young Military “Boy” they’ve met made his own conclusions, and becomes a ward. There, he liberates a couple, gets shot, and must come back to reservation forever, instead of getting death sentence, for the use of fire weapon, prohibited for wards to use on civilians inside of zone.
6. FINAL PAGE — The final minute of the movie.
It ends up, as Part 1, with Separation of main hero.
7. FINAL LINE/IMAGE — An image or line that delivers the meaning of
the whole movie.
Final words of LENA, after her husband Separates. “Quiet Street. Small House!”
Last scene is at a hospital, quick talk in between of their friends. It supposes to propel us subtly into future of MIROPOLIS, where zones would continue, and how would it be.
IRONICAL Ending
End with a Future
A. The Setup / Payoff final page.
C. The Climax/Resolution final page.
E. The “One last gesture” final page.
F. The Shock final page
Last 10 pages
Part 1
RESOLUTION:
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
Judge’s Son patiently withstands as they snap him on cameras.
Flashing of cameras, as Photographer does photo session.
YOUNG WOMAN REPORTER
Prior we go into detail, could you tell us about your father, and what kind of person he was?
INT. NEWS OFFICE – NIGHT
Otak, in coat and fedora, sits with bunch of newspapers and pad and pencil, leisurely stretching his feet out. BOSS at the desk, checking ins and outs. Television screen fixed overhead displays news.
WOMAN DICTOR ON THE SCREEN
At the scandalous process, man prior Separating, propagated to filter human population for possible criminal activity, to preserve Advanced Society of MIROPOLIS The Universal City.
Boss softly persuades Otak, his journalist.
BOSS
Look, Otak, what have you written! ‘Man, after SEPARATING, walked down the aisle!’ Tell me now, who will understand, what you say? Ughm? Do we continue to walk after we Separate? What would people think of nano-technology, of Separation in particular, after reading your add?
Otak, though touched on his nerve, responds humorously.
OTAK
Go, find another journalist.
Boss rolls eyes up in demeanor. Sighs.
RESOLUTION:
People with strict faces are at building construction, meant for outcastes.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
FIRST SOCIAL SERVICES WERE DOING IT, THEN WHEN JAILS WENT FULL, THEY GOT THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, AND CALLED IN MILITARY…
Part 2
RESOLUTION:
INT. HOTEL#2 ROOM – MORNING
Son of Main Commander keeps standing at the window, as Le-na is under blanket.
LENA
I might find myself some another husband.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
You mean, I don’t do any sex?
Pause.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
I wonder, what wife of that man is doing now?
LENA
She looks into other cameras! Woman from next door told me.
Woman he mentions is seen in the window across the street. She’s all dressed and in make up.
Have taken a walk along the room, she picks up long gun and points that to the window, aiming for hot blond in hotel room next door.
Son of Main Commander, shocked, observes that from behind the curtain.
Woman across the street takes good aim, and shoots hot blond down.
Then she goes out.
She appears on the street, heading for Hotel.
In a seconds, she is leaded out by two soldiers, detained.
Son of Main Commander opens his window.
Woman across the road looks up, sees Son of Main Commander in the window, looking down on her.
WOMAN ACROSS THE ROAD
He killed my husband!
Passerby glances up in expectation.
Son of Main Commander gives order right out of window to military bunch bellow.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Arrest him!
Some another middle-aged pedestrian turns around with curiosity to see that.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
And this ONE!
Soldiers follow.
MIDDLE-AGED PEDESTRIAN
For what?
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
You was curious to see someone arrested.
“BOY”
Are we going to arrest on the street?
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Yes.
“BOY”
There won’t be enough of us.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Call addition.
INT. HOTEL #3 ROOM – NIGHT
LENA and Son of Main Commander in bed. Sirens in the distance. He embraces her, tense. But cars run by, as if chasing someone. He relaxes. It’s not after them!
RESOLUTION TO PART 2
Wrapping up:
INT. FIGHTING ROOM – DAY
“Boy” is getting martial training. He’s practicing combat.
DECADE LATER
“Boy”, ALATOU now matured. Practicing martial arts.
INT. RESTRICTED ZONE – DAY
Taking PAIR out of the zone.
Now ward, Alatou surveys it down the staircase, as young couple continues upward, where Alatou’s partners keeps waiting.
As they almost reach the roof, gunfire starts unexpectedly from above. Young couple press to the wall. Alatou’s partner fires back, gets shot, and rolls down the stairs.
Girl presses her hands to her ears, and screams all her might, her boyfriend shocked, embraces her by the shoulders.
Alatou waits for those upstairs show themselves, then keeps firing, till he shoots all three men down.
He with pain considers motionless partner on the stairs.
Steps running from bellow.
ALATOU
Go, run for it!
Pair disappears in direction of the roof, running for helicopter that came after them.
Alatou goes down, and meets those people from bellow with gunfire. He shoots two more down. Reloads his gun.
Slowly he continues along the landing. Noise from behind.
Alatou turns, and they fire at same time, Alatou killing his opponent, but getting shot and dropping down on the floor unconscious.
LATER
Three women come, and pick up unconscious Alatou, and carry him to nearby apartment.
INT. ZONE APPARTMENT – DAY
Words in distinct handwriting, as one of women keeps writing report.
“REPORT ON THE WARD, SHOT IN GUNFIRE, DONE BY FOUANTA, DEEALAKA, AND GEENA.
WARD ALATOU IS ALIVE, BUT UNCONSCIOUS.
HE IS NOW UNDER OUR SUPERVISION. PROMPT MEDICAL HELP REQUIRED.”
INT. MEETING ROOM – DAY
Young Couple report to the military across the table.
MILITARY
You say, he was shooting?
BOYFRIEND
He was really shooting! He put three men down!
Excitement on young people’s faces.
Military across the table scratches behind his ear, considering report on them. Looks dumbfounded.
INT. TRIBUNAL – DAY
Hearing room. Alatou gets down into chair before Tribunal.
Son of Main Commander and Psychologist are amid those couple of people who preside at the table. Also military officer who placed interview for this couple, saved by Alatou.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
You are sentenced to death by firing squad!
Alatou gets it to be a bad joke, believing not they mean it, being his friends. He rises from his chair.
ALATOU
How could you?… How’d you dare?… Do you know a number, how many I killed?
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Sit down, we solved that for you. You go back to reservation.
Alatou calms completely right away, and loosens himself back on a chair.
PSYCHOLOGIST
My darling, do you understand that you move away forever? That you are never to come back?
ALATOU
And what would you like? Would these three sluts loose their last Hope into something Sacred?
EXT. ROADSIDE – DAY
Single empty roadside near flat lot with green grass.
Doors of school bus gets closed. Bus leaves on.
INT. PRIVATE RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Le-na walks out of kitchen into open guestroom, replacing items where her children dropped them, running for bus…
…up to Son of Main Commander who sits in deep reverie.
Phone rings. He turns no attention.
Ringing stops.
Le-na touches his shoulder.
LENA
Do you still think of it?
He comes back to reality.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
No. It doesn’t make any sense. I just would get killed.
Le-na sits on his lap, observing his facial expression, as she is still worried.
He returns her look back.
She starts rushing, and pulls string off her neck, bearing pendant, as if she wants to put it on him, as amulet for protection.
He stops her movement by firmly grabbing her wrists and doesn’t let her realize that.
For a while they silently look at each other. She anxiously, he with affirmation.
He lets go of her. Relaxes.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
I’ll go.
He gets up, letting Le-na in a chair instead of him.
Dons his military headwear, pulls at jacket, and heads out.
Phone rings again. Le-na picks it up.
LENA
No, he’s gone.
Puts it back on receiver.
EXT. PRIVATE RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Flat piece of lot where their one-leveled private house with triangular fronton is. No other houses around.
Son of Main Commander walks distance away from the house, then stops.
Wind blows into his face.
He Separates. Both sides of his face move apart a bit forward, along vertical slot with even edges. He keeps standing same way, with same facial expression.
Wind keeps blowing over grass.
BLACK OUT
Lost Voice of LENA.
LENA (O.S.)
QUIET STREET. SMALL HOUSE!
Pause.
INT. HOSPITAL #2 – NIGHT
Worn out Alatou, incognito in civil clothes, in black leather jacket, keeps in a wait at the wall of Hospital corridor.
Psychologist turns out.
ALATOU
How is LENA?
PSYCHOOGIST
She’s no good. Where is your pair?
Alatou nods aside, along the corridor.
PSYCHOLOGIST
Are they all right?
ALATOU
Yes.
Glances aside, as if running to go. There are still female partners outside he’s eager to meet prior his leave.
ALATOU
Good Night.
FADE OUT.
-
Alice’s Kickass Dialogue!
What I learned doing this assignment is it helped me to write the scene, asking questions
I wish I would make it more contrasted, maybe at revised draft
It also might be run again via Advanced Dialogue list.
MIROPOLIS
Part 2
On her escape, LENA and military fallen for her get reported. As they check out of hotel, he receives blow and gets blackouted.
INT. HOSPITAL #1 ROOM – NIGHT
Room dark. Doors open into softly lit corridor.
Son of Main Commander finds himself on hospital coach.
Le-na is still there, sitting by.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
How did you do that?
LENA
I called the number and asked for father The Main Commander.
He looks on her long enough, to submit that information.
Nurse lures in, on sound of their voices. Pretends she lost something around.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
How long was I absent?
Nurse voluntary approaches coach.
NURSE
Not long.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDE
Am I under treatment?
NURSE
I can’t tell I’m just a night nurse. All physicians are gone for today.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Was it street dispatch who brought me in?
Nurse won’t answer.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Are they coming back?
NURSE
They didn’t tell so.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Then, can I place a phone call?
Nurse exits.
Sensation of a couple of people along the corridor outside.
Loose guy, looking like night shift technician enters in her place.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Can I have my clothes back? And I requested phone machine.
Man rapidly withdraws.
Nurse comes back.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
You are back! Where is the phone?
Le-na picks up small jar from night table, and holding it, advances toward Nurse with menace.
LENA
In this bottle there is an acid. I will pour it on you, and you will die!
Nurse glances on the bottle in Le-na’s hand and starts laughing artificially in spans, looking straight at Le-na. Strikes her hands in amusement.
NURSE
No, nothing like this is going to happen!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
LEAVE!
Nurse withdraws, partly pushed by Le-na.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Lock the doors!
Le-na locks doors.
Commotion in corridor outside. Door shakes. Youthful, ringing voice.
YOUNG OFFICER (O.S.)
Please, unlock the door! It’s safe to open!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDE
That’s one honest voice! Let’s open up.
Le-na unlocks the door revealing bunch of military behind.
Soldiers move apart, letting CAPTAIN in. Then they follow him inside.
Captain salutes man on the coach, and boldly takes a seat at Le-na’s place, as she keeps behind SMC.
CAPTAIN
Stuck in a Hospital? Got some complications?
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Not much. I just was bringing lady down the road. She is qualified to live outside of zone. Report on her is coming soon!
YOUNG OFFICER
I brought officer’s clothes!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
This is that voice I opened upon! It was you, yeah? I also wish to place a phone call!
CAPTAIN
Bring in phone machine!
YOUNG OFFICER
In a moment!
Son of Main Commander gets hold of the phone, and presses at buttons. Line connects.
RECEPTIONIST (O.S.)
Top Headquarters. Speaking.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Hello. This is my number.
He presses series of four numbers on the phone.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
I need regiment to be sent immediately after me by location of this phone.
Pause.
RECEPTIONIST (O.S.)
Yes, sir.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Good Night!
Drops the call.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Thank you sir! I wanted to place this phone call for quite a time.
Returns phone to the officer.
CAPTAIN
Was that it?
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Yes, that’s enough.
CAPTAIN
They let you out like this? With the regiment?
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
No, but I can request it at any time.
CAPTAIN
I doubt it. I mean, even if you are who you maintain, we live at times of top ranks dismissal. Very top!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Yes, our times are mixed times. Field trip is risky. To have a regiment is based totally on my decision. I won’t be asked why, and don’t have to give any explanation.
OFFICER
I mean, isn’t it slight expenditure. To shift forces like that?
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
It might seem so, but this is mistaken opinion. Forces must be ready for any move, and that is how we maintain it. We envision it be very kinetic.
OFFICER
I wish, I could understand that.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
At the base of it is not my personal need, but mobility of forces. Shifting is natural. How big or small is requirement plays no role.
OFFICER
But that means, you might request it without true reason?
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
As top rank, having regiment under my hand is absolutely commending.
OFFICER
Well, we must question those top ranks then. It feels like unnecessary measure. Too close to real war in here! Especially after loss of Black Archipelago! Do we really need such measures? And where would it lead Miropolis to?
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
If positive officers like you keep such predisposition, such measures are more than obviously required!
Captain gets excited.
CAPTAIN
This proves that’s not just civil strikes we are undergoing, but we are facing war!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
War is exactly what we are trying to escape. Even in case if civil situation ensures.
Captain is taken aback.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
I mean, this visible suicide of society, and even whole Planet, is in reality well carried filtration on national level.
CAPTAIN
And what elements would prevail? I mean, all elements are differing, resembling forest paraphernalia.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Yes, but you see, we must shift PLANES…
…Large AREAS. Only this way we might come to cognition of what our society become, see ourselves in a mirror. And not just CANCEL Each Other!
Captain visibly pales. It ventures into dangerous land! Searches for words.
CAPTAIN
SOMETIMES WHEN EVERYTHING CLARIFIES THAT IS JUST TOO LATE!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
So mush my Favorite Quote! Why won’t we Find Similarity on Ancient Culture ruins?
CAPTAIN
Won’t you crash over reason I disagree it sunk into HYSTORY?
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
We have no proof that we would be even marked in THIS HYSTORY. Not even ME. That memory of us would produce reverberation in collective consciousness of MIROPOLIS.
CAPTAIN
I don’t know. But even as we responded and I came to arrest you, I had affirmation in how things are. And now. I would do anything, including personally sacrificing myself.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
I just removed your illusions. Think of how much more simple would it be to live without them, just acting!
CAPTAIN
No, I cannot carry my Duty as Captain any longer! Here!
Captain pulls at his badge and kicks it at night table.
CAPTAIN
Do with me whatever!
His hands jerk to the weapon. That would be terrible to go to zone!
His soldiers jump up to their Captain.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Boys! Remove his weapon!
Young Officer turns in. Face red and white.
CAPTAIN
I resign!
Boys firmly affix Captain, tying him up.
Son of Main Commander picks up Captain’s badge. Holds it for Young Officer.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
I administer you to carry hereon your duty in new position!
Young officer accepts badge and pins it on collar.
YOUNG OFFICER
I will order our forces to be alerted and ready on protecting you!
Exits.
CAPTAIN
Future is just Blackout.
Son of Main Commander keeps silent.
Young Officer turns in and declares with flashing face of Fanatic.
YOUNG OFFICER
My watchmen spotted some military people outside! We are surrounded by enemies. Let me command us to get ready for fire and protect you!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
There must be regiment coming after me!
Young Officer lingers.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
I see. All he wanted was advancement!
(to Captain)
You obviously was the only obstacle on his path. A carrier man!
Captain gets astounded.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
(to boys)
Get hold of him!
They arrest Young Officer. And untie Captain’s hands.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Would you accept your badge?
He gets away from the coach.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
We must go!
He indicates LENA to follow him. Stops at doorway.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
And you know, it always seemed to me, Future is Whiteout, as these sheets.
He directs LENA to follow him out of the room.
-
Alice’s Meanings
What I learned doing this assignment is I now know what the multiple meanings are. I am rather “concealing” them.
1. Follow the same structure I did at the top of the page. First,
tell us the situation which is the basic setup for the scene.
Thanakh, Protagonist, comes back with his girlfriend Kiat from weekend offshore. By circumstances he needs to occupy with lecture next day. After lecture is done, he cannot find Kiat anywhere again.
2. Give us a list of the main characters and their motivations
and/or perspectives that contribute to the scene’s multiple
meanings.
Protagonist, Thanakh, understands his girlfriend disappeared. Other people either sincerely believe she left him, others simply enjoy they parted from each other.
3. Then WRITE THE SCENE where the multiple meaning event occurs.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Thanakh visits Kiat’s apartment.
Comes, rings door bell.
Door nearby opens, middle-aged woman in there. Looks with a smile.
WOMAN NEIGHBORE
She doesn’t live here.
Thanakh gives her questioning look.
WOMAN NEIGHBORE
She didn’t appear for two nights.
Those might be two nights they spent on the weekend! What a lie!
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Thanakh comes back, and calls the door of that neighbor. Silence, then steps.
WOMAN NEIGHBOR
What do you need?
Seeing expression on Thanakh’s face, she recalls what’s that about, and smiles, enjoying the process.
THANAKH
Did she turn in?
WOMAN NEIGHBOR
No, she left.
Thanakh glances back at the door.
THANAKH
Did she gather her stuff?
WOMAN NEIGHBOR
Yes.
She’s perceptibly lying.
INT. KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s one-room apartment, with shadowed windows, neatly kept, but few things, bearing signs of her leaving at the morning. Open door of a closet. Jumper thrown on the bed.
Entrance door cracks, pressed from outside. Lock gives in.
LATER
Apartment lit by sunrays shades pulled aside. A couple of policemen under chief, accompanied by Thanakh.
POLICE CHIEF
Women leave.
THANAKH
She didn’t take clothes.
POLICE CHIEF
Do you have in mind, where she could go?
THANAKH
No. She needs to appear at her working place!
POLICE CHIEF
Maybe, she flied across the boundary?
THANAKH
Without clothes, money, and documents?
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Crowd of RI workers sits in ascending rows, under bluish-colored wall. Every face is distinct.
Thanakh stands some distance before them, lecturing.
One girl with beautiful face at the top row keeps looking down all the time Thanks speaks, as her contradictory emotions surface out and are clearly expressed.
THANAKH
We have here conditions for working on science, on our subject. These conditions are supposed to be comfortable, so that we could address, occupy, dedicate to our ongoing researches, working and learning. This is a place for juniors and interns to get education. I would confess how I mostly am connected to the research of my lab I’m a head of. And maybe paying not enough attention, or not follow closely enough what is ongoing at jointed labs. Still, I am genuinely aggravated that no one pays attention at a fact person has disappeared. If someone would work day after day for a period, short or long, I would at least ask the question, where is he going, or where did he went? We’ve got so many lab workers. I personally cannot keep track of all of them. But I cannot mark not who is present at my own lab who’s absent, because I need’em. How come no one questions Kiat’s absence? She was working on regular basis non-stop, dedicating to research and education, like all of you. And honestly, friends, I just don’t understand your indifference!
Thanakh stops with an air of translucency.
ALARM MAN
I’ve seen her that day.
Everyone looks at him. Man gets awkward.
ALARM MAN
I could’ve make a mistake. It was still dark then.
THANAKH
Did someone else disappear?
ADMINISTRATOR
Few people took leave from us.
THANAKH
Who are these?
ADMINISTRATOR
These are such, such, and such…
THANAKH
Did they submit documentation?
Administrator hesitates.
ADMINISTRATOR
It seems to me, I’ve seen one of it.
INT. RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Protagonist comes by the address of one of men who took leave.
Thanakh rings the bell. Door nearby opens. Man and woman behind it, sober faces.
THANAKH
Did he appear in here?
MAN
He left, not turning in.
Woman speaks, deeply offended.
WOMAN
We lived nearby of him for two years, he left not saying goodbye.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Middle-aged man talks quickly to Thanakh, leaning across table. He’s desperate. His face red and white from emotion. Hopelessness in his eyes deep, as a precipices.
DISTURBED MAN
My wife had disappeared. Please, look for her!
Shows a picture, a photograph. Desperate. Photo trembles in his shaking hands.
DISTURBED MAN
Here, please, take a look. She was working for you.
Thanakh dismisses him cold with calm gesture.
THANAKH
She probably was killed. Few people disappeared here. Don’t come in here anymore!
-
Alice’s Directional FOS patterns.
What I learned doing this assignment is I used Sarcasm for sure. And maybe that’s a Hint, or even Implication.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Officer reports to his authority in their office.
OFFICER
Those two from investigation group really been down there. No one seen them again. They didn’t report. Weapon, documents, nothing surfaces!
CIVIL OFFICER
Yeah, yeah. That’s jolly strange case, all of this!
Phone rings. Civil Officer answers.
TOP AUTHORITY (O.S.)
Do no moves around this “evaporating” case!
CIVIL OFFICER
How Come?
TOP AUTHORITY (O.S.)
Keep low. Do NO investigation yet.
CIVIL OFFICER
Which is?
TOP AUTHORITY (O.S.)
Pull not files. NO evaluation of human profiles. But don’t drop the case. Keep it active.
CIVIL OFFICER
What I then suppose to do?
TOP AUTHORITY (O.S.)
Occupy with other cases. Investigate anything else. Good Bye.
Line disconnects. Civil Officer drops the phone.
CIVIL OFFICER
That been indication for us not to do much about this case! Why would I keep the phone for this motherfucker to call me?
Pause.
CIVIL OFFICER
They are right! Let everyone be gone, till only one remains who does it! Then we would naturally know, who it is, as it would become obvious. No resources spent on nothing!
-
Alice’s Symbol
What I learned, doing this assignment is I do have subtext, but I am shy to express it.
SYMBOL is set up by movie title
#1 PLANET [MIROPOLIS] #2 SEPARATION – two different though connected symbols
1. INTRODUCE THE SYMBOL through its meaning early in the story.
#1, the planet, is seen as a globe, with its two archipelagoes, West on the left, and Resort Area on the right, seen as a map with line tracing plane advancement, as Protagonist returns from weekend.
#2
OPENING SCENE:
‘Ongoing Experiment checking on how artificial nano-death works.’
LIFE STREAM moves ahead. Enclosed space. Current jumps over similarity of 3D objects. IT SNAPS. (Signal is Given.) Fork on its Way. Instead of ahead, LIFE STREAM turns left. Digitized Block walls move aside in symmetry, unveiling similarity of landscape. Life Stream gulfing into “open”.
QUESTION IN MALE VOIE(V.O.)
What new qualities did you acquire?
ANSWER IN FEMALE VOICE(V.O.)
I can move walls apart!
2. SET ITS MEANING POWERFULLY enough so that just its presence
will cause an audience response.
#1
INT. THANAKH’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Signal of Digital Clock on the wall, its disc white on the left and black on the right representing two Archipelagoes, to indicate global time.
ARTIFICIAL VOICE (O.S.)
TIME of MIROPOLIS has STOPED!
Arrows holt.
Thanakh worn out rests on the sofa. Awaken by signal, he glances at his wrist watch.
Digital Display with small window on top, showcasing Seconds and Minutes counting extra time.
Kiat didn’t call back.
#2
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Thanakh walks past long wall with slogan ‘WEST is ADVANTAGE. GET SEPARATION’ on it in huge letters.
At the start of slogan, huge photograph of smiling with assurance male is cut vertically on two equal parts.
Thanakh reaches phone booth, and dials his number.
RECEPTIONIST
ORGANIZATION. Officer in charge speaking.
THANAKH
This is Thanakh.
RECEPTIONIST
And what is your report?
THANAKH
No. I didn’t change my mind. I actually want ask you a question.
RECEPTIONIST
We don’t give answers for free. For the answer you need to pay back with report. Till next time!
Line disconnects.
3. USE THE SYMBOL TO CAUSE OR SHOW CHANGE in the characters or their situation. This is where a symbol is powerful.
#1
Part 2
OPENING SCENE
When second Archipelago gets destroyed, picture of globe, one sides darkens.
#2
Every next time someone separates, especially heroes, JUDGE, and SMC.
Two people separate at Part 1, and two at Part 2
Both parts end with it.
-
Alice’s Subtext Scene
What I learned from this assignment is
I do have subtext, but it must yet be dramatized with emotion
1. First, tell us any background we may need to know.
Civil Officer from Public Police made connection to THANAKH, scientist who’s working at RI strives to uncover mystery behind missing cases.
After this Thanakh accidentally suspects Antagonist, and gets into trap also.
2. Answer the basic subtext questions about the scene.
1. What is the meaning of the subtext?
Meaning is “hidden party” is removing those who might play the role in adversary’s exposure.
2. What is the cover-up?
Competitive Agendas. Someone from ORGANIZATION is seduced by Antagonist, believing her invention is a weapon, and wish to cover her crimes.
3. When will the meaning be revealed? Before, during, or after?
Before, when they receive phone call with warning not to do much about this case of people missed on the ground of Research Institute.
4. How will the meaning be revealed?
Also when they call again at the office.
3. Pick one or more of the scene designs for subtext.
F. Competitive agendas
4.
EXT. BACK STREET – EARLY EVENING
On this back street with brick wall stands lonely phone booth. In it that officer who cares for Thanakh. He dials number. Line gets connected.
OFFICER
Scientist doesn’t answer!
Have said that, he drops the call and heads right out of the booth, pulling collar to cheekbones, to hide his Identity.
As he moves away, a couple of shots go his way from unclear direction. He leans along the wall. Black vehicle with dark windows moves. He’s fired down.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EARLY EVENING
Civil officer drops phone on receiver. Phone rings again. He picks it up.
UNDEFINED VOICE (O.S.)
Your associate was arrested.
CIVIL OFFICER
For what reason?
UNDEFINED VOICE (O.S.)
For too big interest in that case!
Line disconnects. Officer gets stunned and considers a phone for a while.
Summons, gets into outwear, an exits office via back door.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EARLY EVENING
Top officer gets out, considers cars nearby, walks down, and is shot down from behind a corner.
-
Alice’s Subtext relationship
What I learned doing this assignment is it was easier to write a scene than create decent subtext! In this scene subtext is they both hide intimacy. This is just upstart of the scene. I have problems in expanding it. I tend to brief it, which I probably will.
WARD
LENA
WARD is trained in combat experienced person who is stuck in between of strict order and external danger, as he balances his wish of intimacy with girl in restricted reservation and his desire to liberate her.
LENA is young girl from zone who is lucky but brings drama upon choice men attracted to her as she strives for survival.
INT. WARD’S ROOM – DAY
LENA folds horizontally, as she performs combat blow with her foot. However her blow is lacking force.
WARD
How much I told you? Hit is not just a gesture! It is designed for murder!
Le-na obediently stops, as he shakes her by the shoulders, shifting into better combat posture.
WARD
You know, let’s go shower!
INT. BATHROOM – DAY
Streams of hot water over naked bodies. They pose with their back to each other. Reach for soap.
Ward starts foaming Le-na’s abundant dark hair. She’s a bit shy. As he turns away, her gaze follows after.
On his massive back there is prominent birth mark.
LENA
What is that?
She slightly touches it, to indicate. As his body has a number of scars, getting white under hot water.
WARD
Every ward is marked that way!
Le-na turns around, getting under streams of water, washing soap away, pretending indifference.
He turns her side, moving her from behind by the shoulders around bathtub. Illustrating with his breathing. Embraces, and mimics body movement with his torso, as during sex.
Le-na endures this. Though intimate, she appears naive, and core of activity is obscure to her.
After such treatment, he partially lets go of her, still holding, as if considering such possibility.
-
Alice’s Subtext Characters
What I learned, doing this assignment is I did not brainstorm subtext good enough when I was creating it. Maybe this one is better. It won’t change my story, but might give more depth to events.
Character Name: Thanakh
Subtext Identity: Suspicious, reserved
Character Traits: talented, refined, polite
Subtext Logline: Thanks is scientist from Research Institute who suspects political organization might be behind his girlfriend’s disappearance.
Possible areas of subtext: He endeavors to shift attitude of other RI workers, involve police in investigation, as he pulls public attention at the fact of workers disappearing on RI grond.
-
Alice’s Extreme Emotion!
What I learned is,
I must work more on it, I addmit. But that is OK, it’s ahead. Because I mostly tried to construct the scene. But, this is a good scene to make Extreme Emotions. Sometimes you do assignment, and then you see, it could be done better, or you see, how it could be done. This is this case. I confess, I wanted to check on it next morning after writing it, then I didn’t, and it went left this way. Now I cannot, so I will leave it to be changed a bit later.
Part 2
ESCAPE
INT. WARD’S ROOM – AFTERNOON
Nocking on the door.
MALE RESIDENT (O.S.)
You’ve got boxes delivered!
Ward unlocks the door, leaving it ajar.
Le-na’s step mom enters.
STEP MOTHER
Open? What’s with Le-na?
WARD
LENA goes outside. I’ve written a report. And already sent it!
Ward closes portfolio before him, and throws on the table.
Le-na’s step mom follows after portfolio with expression-lacking look, full of considerations. Exits slowly.
Desperate man in a frenzy rushes inside toward Ward.
DESPERATE MAN
Let me out also!
WARD
Hmm…
DESPERATE MAN
Here, I will give you money!
Desperate man pulls out heap of banknotes, offering them to Ward.
Ward smiles faintly. Personifies Resolution.
WARD
I cannot!
Desperate man rushes away.
Male resident enters with the box.
MALE RESIDENT
Here are your boxes!
WARD
Drop them here!
Male resident drops box on the floor. And disappears back into corridor.
Desperate man rushes in, straight for the Ward, and fires into him. Deafening BANG of a shot. Man rushes away in his frenzy.
Ward remains, dropped dead on the chair. Blood spot starts spreading over his breast.
Le-na sits, motionless, on the bed, as she was, legs tucked under her. It’s a ruining shock.
Le-na’s step parents run inside, crash the box open, grabbing at goodies in utter hurry.
Step mom glances up at Le-na. Le-na seems different.
STEP MOTHER
Why did you wash yourself?
Le-na is frozen in a silence.
Step mother pulls at her, and checks it under the skirt. Le-na wrinks her face in repulsion.
STEP MOTHER
How’s that? He didn’t fuck her!
Step Dad glances up on Le-na from his preoccupation.
STEP FARTHER
Why would he keep her for so long?
STEP MOTHER
I don’t know. But that’s all right, we will fix that now!
She picks at small jar out of goodies and pushes it under Le-na’s skirt.
Pain reflects on girl’s face. As her step ma insists on that with intention. Sudden realization lands on Le-na. She screams and starts fighting.
Step ma hits her over the head. Le-na gets unconscious from pain.
INT. WARD’S ROOM – AFTERNOON
Le-na reawakes. Room is soaked with light of afternoon sun. Apartment is utterly robbed.
Le-na gets up. Light trembles around her over empty place.
In this space on wall’s background Ward’s figure manifests, perceived by her, as he comes for her sake out of subtle world.
Le-na hears steps of her Step Ma, coming.
Voice of Ward in her head. He speaks, directing.
WARD (V.O.)
If you won’t kill her, she will kill you.
Le-na looks around. Nothing resembling a weapon.
LENA (V.O.)
What with?
WARS (V.O.)
Do you see this jar?
He speaks about large jar, left behind by sweet residents.
WARD (V.O.)
There is acid in it. If pour it over person, one would die.
LENA picks at the jar and unscrews the top, right on time, as her step ma enters, assured, with expression of satisfaction.
Le-na pours content across right on her face.
That one jerks hands to her face, moaning, and drops down into room’s corner. Motionless.
WARD (V.O.)
Pick up report, and go upstairs.
Le-na picks at portfolio and heads out.
INT. ATTIC – AFTERNOON
On this huge attic with glass roof over, now lit by setting sun, postboxes are fit along the wall.
WARD (V.O.)
How long me to tell you, what to do?
LENA finds correct postbox, and drops portfolio in it, then pulls at lever. Pneumatic mechanism works. Flat parcel flies up swiftly inside transparent column up to the ceiling.
Pause.
In silence, steps go. Lady newcomer in a beret descends down from the roof.
Newcomer sees the girl, and boldly steps straightforward, stops with air of superiority opposite of her and spectacularly produces hand gun, aiming it at LENA.
LENA combats, swiftly swinging head down, with her foot hitting woman hard in the middle of her chest. Woman falls backward on the floor, as LENA jumps over, pushing armed hand aside. They FIGHT.
Gun slides away. LENA gets up. Woman, ruined, moves.
LENA picks at the gun, and shoots woman down.
WARD (V.O.)
GO UP. Helicopter still must be there!
EXT. ROOF TOP – AFTERNOON INTO EVENING
LENA gets out and runs over roof toward helicopter. Terrible noise working blades. Pilot unloads last portion of boxes.
LENA
Bring me out of here!
PILOT
We cannot bring residents out. That is not permitted.
Continues with his job, pulling pallet out.
LENA
I came here by mistake! I was stolen!
Pilot stops unloading.
PILOT
Is that true?
LENA
That is so natural!
Pilot ponders that over.
LENA
Do! You will be paid!
Pilot makes up his mind.
PILOT
All right. Get into cabin!
EXT. HELICOPTER CABIN – EARLY EVENING
Pilot works at the buttons. They take into air.
PILOT
What’s your address?
LENA
QUIET STREET, SMALL HOUSE!
There cannot be such address! Pilot gets he was deceived. Considerations on his face.
WARD (V.O.)
Do you see this red button? Press at it!
LENA presses at red button. Radio line connects. LENA screams.
LENA
PLEASE, help me out of here!
WARD (V.O.)
Now quickly move behind!
LENA squeezes at rear seat and pulls gun out, aiming it at pilot’s back.
VOICE ON THAT END (O.S.)
What is it?
PILOT
Everything is fine! Helicopter comes back from destination!
VOICE O THAT END (O.S.)
No, I heard female voice!
-
Alice’s Writing is Bold!
What I learned doing this assignment is I cannot believe this small scene that was so awkward I questioned its placement, existence, though necessary for the plot, turned out so brilliant! This scene not only now has rights for existence, but it creates small oasis.
As I read original, it seems so pretentious. It’s so often with description, I all the time had a feeling, as if I’m selling product with no value. Now I will be saved out of it forever!
How strange is that it is inside out. The more I strive to abstain from anything but describing actions, than worse it is. And if I “beatify” it, it’s not at all I’m trying to make it for “customer”.
I now see where is the line separating amateur from professional!
1. The original half-page.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge drops it down, hearing her voice.
JUDGE
Why would I ever call you?
His son rushes inside out of the kitchen, as he was, holding tea cup.
HIS SON
Don’t answer!
Judge presses finger to his lips, indicating silence.
Son comes, and presses at the receiver to end the call.
2. A rewrite using an attitude or emotion.
Emotion for JUDGE to avoid antagonist, to run away
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge’s hand he holds phone with vibrates, nervous current passes from his throat across chest down to the belt. He lowers phone away from his ear, pressing it to his jacket.
JUDGE
Why would I ever call you?
His son rushes inside, alarmed. Out of the kitchen, as he was, clutching tea cup.
HIS SON
Don’t answer!
Judge presses finger to his lips, indicating silence. Let her not track it down!
Son perceives his father dropping out of call, comes to the phone and presses at receiver, disconnecting.
3. A rewrite using a different attitude or emotion.
Contempt for antagonist
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Her voice from that end of the line! What familiar notes!
Judge’s hand he holds phone with vibrates, nervous current passes from his throat across chest down to the belt. He lowers phone away from his ear, pressing it to his jacket.
JUDGE
Why would I ever call you?
His son rushes inside, alarmed. Out of the kitchen, as he was, clutching tea cup. Quick in judgement.
HIS SON
Don’t answer!
Judge glances on him with kind attachment, and presses finger to his lips, indicating silence. Let her not track it down!
Son calms, seeing his father just drops out of call, and turns back into his common self. Comes to the phone and presses at receiver, disconnecting.
-
Alice’s Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is
I don’t know if there are many hooks, but I “used” assignment to at least make it not having no hooks at all, so that it won’t be boring. I considered, checking with assignment requriments to make scene simple. Because it’s at the end, and nothing much required from it. However, it been written from scratch after consideration.
RESOLUTION TO PART 2
Wrapping up:
INT. FIGHTING ROOM – DAY
“Boy” is getting martial training. He’s practicing Kung Fu.
DECADE LATER
“Boy”, ALATOU now matured. Practicing martial arts.
INT. RESTRICTED ZONE – DAY
Residential landing.
Alatou knocks on the door.
ALATOU
LA-TA!
LATA gets out, holding suitcase.
Noiselessly, they move along the landing, and up the stairs, her boyfriend following.
They start upstairs. Alatou with suspicion keeps looking down the staircase, where some shadows seem to him being moving.
On next landing Alatou’s partner ward is waiting. All four continue upward.
They almost reach the roof, Alatou still surveying below, as gunfire starts from above. They press to the wall. Alatou’s partner fires back, gets shot, and rolls down the stairs.
La-ta presses her hands to her ears, and starts screaming, her boyfriend holds her by the shoulders.
Alatou waits till those who fired would go down. When they do, keeps firing, till he shouts those three men down.
He with pain considers motionless partner on the stairs.
Steps running from bellow.
ALATOU
Go, run for it!
Pair disappears in direction of the roof, running for helicopter that came after them.
Alatou goes down, and meets those people from bellow with gunfire. He shoots two more down. Reloads his gun.
Slowly he continues along the landing. Noise from behind.
Alatou turns, and they fire at same time, Alatou killing his opponent, but getting shot and dropping down on the floor.
INT. APPARTMENT ON SAME LANDING – DAY
Lady on the bed pulls away pillow, with which she kept covering her ears, and slides down.
This is GEENA (39), very short, almost Lilliput, with same childish face, slim like ten years old, her dark hair cut in stripes very short either.
INT. RESIDENTIAL STAIRS – DAY
Door creeks. Gee-na gets out and slowly approaches Alatou on the floor. Kneels down over him.
INT. APPARTMENT A COUPLE OF FLOORS BELLOW – DAY
DEE-A-LA-KAH (47), slim woman with the face and figure of ex-prostitute on long diet of alcohol, with free-falling auburn untidy hair, remnants of former pride, practically going with mortar and pestle, looks into window to see FOU-AN-TA (42), ex-military muscular tall lady, coming, stepping speedily across the yard.
Dee-a-la-kah then turns to get out.
INT. RESIDENTIAL STAIRS – DAY
Door creaking from bellow. Steps up.
Dee-a-la-kah, wrapped in her gown, comes from bellow.
DEEALAKAH
Done?
GEENA
He’s breathing.
Fou-an-ta has time to overhear that, as she already made it upstairs, and she comes kneeling down also, with special practical air of specialist of such cases.
DEEALAKAH
Let’s bring him down!
GEENA
My apartment is closer!
All three pick up Alatou from different sides, and carry him to Geena’s apartment.
INT. DEEALAKA’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Fou-an-ta and Dee-a-la-kah pull at bottles from Dee-a-la-kah collection of alcoholic beverages, filled with whiskey and brandy.
They both pick significant number, Fou-an-ta three bottles, and Dee-a-la-kah four, from the shelf, to get stocked.
INT. GEENA’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Fou-an-ta and Dee-a-la-kah unlock entrance door, returning with their fare.
Geena tenderly shifts pillow under Alatou’s head, and pulls blanket upper, to cover him, and continues to stay near, not tearing her look from him, shedding on him adoration.
Fou-an-ta and Dee-a-la-ka deposit bottles on the table.
Fou-an-ta takes a good shot, and sits solidly before the table.
DEEALAKA
Let me write it!
FOUANTA
I’ve got better handwriting!
She picks up a paper, and starts on report in distinct handwriting, as if coming from one stencil.
“REPORT ON THE WARD, SHOT IN GUNFIRE, DONE BY FOUANTA…”
GEENA
Put me too!
Dee-a-la-kah glances down on Fou-an-ta disapprovingly. Fou-an-ta adds their names alongside of hers.
“…DEEALAKA, AND GEENA.
WARD ALATOU IS ALIVE, BUT UNCONSCIOUS.
HE IS NOW UNDER OUR SUPERVISION. PROMPT MEDICAL HELP REQUIRED.”
FOUANTA
Date!
Fou-an-ta picks a DATER, and presses it bellow, it burning paper enough to leave hieroglyphs representing Date of Miropolis.
Dee-a-la-ka pours her more whiskey, to consume after headwork.
INT. MEETING ROOM – DAY
La-ta and her boyfriend report to the military across the table.
BOYFRIEND
Alatou’s done everything for us to get out!
LATA
He was shooting!
BOYFRIEND
He was shooting like hell! He put three men down! He’s great person!
Military across the table scratches behind his ear, considering Alatou’s report before him on this young couple.
-
Alice’s Suspense
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create suspence in a scene, and how it works throughout the screenplay.
1. List your character names along with each character’s traits
and their SCL (Subtext Character Logline) above the scene.
Antagonist
Name: ANAUPSH
Traits: Concealing, Crafty, Treacherous, Evasive
Subtext: Evil
Character Logline: Anaupsh is Head of Development lab who uses her position for her personal scientific endeavor to construct animated monsters from parts of human bodies, making workers of Research Institute be her victims, as she murders them one by one.
Possible areas of subtext: Playing innocent, hiding part of the lab from common view, planning deception and capture. Hiding, retrieving, erasing, and exchanging information on her lab works.
Protagonist
Character Name: THANAKH
1. Basic character traits:
Suspicious, Respectful, Argumentative, Intelligent
talented, honest, reserved, and refined
2. Want/Need
Wants to bring this event to conclusion, if possible to justice
Needs to uncover who is behind missing cases
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
That he, such a refined person, ended up in a pile of carnal bodies construction.
4. Secret:
He hides, how much he went wounded by it.
5. Flaw:
Idea, secret police might be behind it, weakens him.
6. Special:
He’s different
7. Subtext: Research, observation
8. Character Arc:
Part to be changed: He needs to find out, who’ve done it, and what happened?
Biggest fear: His biggest fear is what he sees in Anaupsh’s his lab
Completion of arc: His example as martyr changes social structure of the West. For separate-able humanity.
9. Character Logline:
Thanakh is a scientist, working as Head of the Lab at Research Institute who lost his girlfriend and must find out who is behind missing cases at RI to bring things to justice.
Possible areas of subtext: as he communicates here and there
2. Look through your outline and find a scene that you could use
today’s technique on. Preferably, a scene where you can go to an
extreme with the technique.
3. Create a 1-5 page scene that is full of suspense.
At the top of the scene, write down each of these components.
The Promise: Thanakh would finally uncover the mystery
What matters: Find Kiat if she is alive, and join her
The delay: He needs to wait till Anaupsh comes back at the morning
4. Write your scene using those three components of suspense.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – AFTERNOON
Thanakh walks deserted corridor of RI. Door nearby is open. Noise of rummaging. He glances in.
Anaupsh’s girl assistant is pulling at the bunch of documents, and paper sheets fall on her.
THANAKH
What are you doing?
Pause.
GIRL ASSISTANT
I work in here.
THANAKH
I thought, you are rummaging?
Pause.
GIRL ASSISTANT
Someone has to sort this out.
INT. INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Thanakh transverses the corridor. Suddenly, passing along the wall, he can hear nocking from behind.
He looks surprised.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Thanakh descends into lobby.
THANAKH
Please, tell me, did everyone left from the Development Lab?
Security Guard looks on the screen.
SECURITY GUARD
Yes, they went away.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – EARLY MORNING
Thanakh lingers before the doors of Development Lab.
Anaupsh comes, searching for keys in her purse.
THANAKH
I was waiting for you.
ANAUPSH
Yes, come in.
She opens Lab’s door.
THANAKH
And what is it down there? It was knocking. I want to take a look at it.
ANAUPSH
It’s a Development. Go, look in.
Anaupsh nods. She slides automatic door open.
Thanakh enters, opening wooden door, leading to the incubator. And walks in.
CRISIS:
Thanakh enters, and can see huge animated construction in the middle of dark room, composed from parts of human bodies. His eyes follow its form, recognizing here and there side of a thigh, or a part of clavicle, belonged previously to this or that human.
Sound of damaging low noise, as his look slides around it.
A couple of seconds pass, as he realizes in his mentality what it is.
Thanakh drops on the floor, unconscious.
-
Alice’s Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned is I have possibility for Anticipatory Dialogue at many places, but it amounts to one sentence by someone. Or they are spread here and there. And even one scene doesn’t have it at all, but maybe silence at a time.
I picked up following scene, because it was suitable, having some dialog. Then I thought, this doesn’t bring any consequences. Then I viewed it from another side, and thought it has it, because this implies danger lying ahead.
Protagonist
Name: THANAKH
Traits: Suspicious, Respectful, Argumentative, Intelligent
Subtext: Research, observation
Character Logline: Thanakh is a scientist, working as Head of the Lab at Research Institute who lost his girlfriend and must find out who is behind missing cases at RI to bring things to justice.
INT. DYNAMICS LAB – EVENING
Lab is suspiciously empty, as if most stuff was removed from here. Just on the table large model works, set in motion.
Thanakh silently stands before model, watching two balls with attached rods running up and down in thin air inside the frame. Turns look at two guys, sitting down there.
THANAKH
Waiting?
One nods.
ANOTHER GUY
Yes.
Thanakh looks back at flying object.
THANAKH
Are you all right?
FIRST GUY
Almost. We walk in the herd. Yeah, from the time we heard of it.
THANAKH
Lost anyone?
ANOTHER GUY
Two.
Thanakh hesitates.
THANAKH
Man or woman?
Guys exchange looks.
FIRST GUY
Two girls. We were four. From that time we walk and seep together, and carry guns.
THANAKH
Be careful.
Turns to get out.
ANOTHER GUY
Should we accompany you?
THANAKH
No. Continue to go in a herd and further on.
Exits.
CORRIDOR OUTSIDE
Thanakh distance a bit along deserted corridor. Door behind him continues to be slightly open.
He turns back and hits with the door in a rage, opening it.
THANAKH
Why you don’t lock?
ANOTHER GUY
We are waiting for them.
Thanakh turns to go, but looks back, to meet The Guy’s look.
-
Alice is being Dramatic!
What I learned is
I also could use this on much longer series of scenes from Part 2, it could accommodate Dramatic Devices, but I’m still holding to approach that, saving it for next assignments.
I picked up this scene so that it would not be a hindrance as undone yet. It is relatively simple, though fragmental. It helped me a little bit with dialogs. Maybe more work on it, ain ‘t yet sure.
1. List your characters, their traits, and their SCL.
Protagonist
Name: THANAKH
Traits: Suspicious, Respectful, Argumentative, Intelligent
Subtext: Research, observation
Character Logline: Thanakh is a scientist, working as Head of the Lab at Research Institute who lost his girlfriend and must find out who is behind missing cases at RI to bring things to justice.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – AFTERNOON
Thanakh makes a phone call from street booth.
OFFICER (O.S.)
Reception.
THANAKH
It’s Thanakh again.
Pause.
OFFICER (O.C.)
Hello professor! What do you have?
THANAKH
Someone was coming to me at night. I know it’s not you, because you come open. Just tell me, if ORGANIZATION was behind that.
OFFICER (O.C.)
Beyond what?
THANAKH
All the MISSING CASES!
Pause.
OFFICER (O.C.)
This is YOUR Institution. Manage it by yourself.
THANAKH
Tell me. And if all this place would just disappear, would you do something?
Officer hangs up.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Brightly illuminated guest room of OTAK (33), Thanakh’s brother, journalist by profession. He resembles Thanakh, just being slightly taller, slim, his face elongated, skin tight on cheekbones, spotting thin mustaches.
Otak sits at the sofa, keeping handwriting quickly, as Thanakh transverse the room, throwing darts into target on the wall.
THANAKH
You keep writing?
OTAK
Cannot live without it.
THANAKH
Try to be a scientist. You won’t wish it.
Thanakh throws dart and hits the target.
OTAK
What’s your destination?
THANAKH
DESTINY!
EXT. POLICE CAR – NIGHT
Police car is submerged at darkness on empty side street under the building housing Otak’s apartment.
Window is open, and antenna protrudes out of it, police listening to conversation.
Officer shrugs his shoulders.
OFFICER
You never know what to expect from these DEVELOPED ones!
OFFICER #2
Lost case!
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT – NIGHT
OTAK
Huge wheels of SCIENCE.
THANAKH
I don’t tell you everything.
OTAK
What is it, bro? Spill it…
-
Alice’s Misleads/Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment is
It worked for me in this way. I thought like, I have some of mislead and reveals in one scene, and in a bit at another. Then I took Outline, and I discovered the scenes where I could apply it.
In this one, we first have reveal for the folk about events at RI, as it is broadcasted.
Then it is revealed, how this is actually is unsatisfactory.
Then identity of Judge is revealed. How he is connected to the story.
Then, if first, we might think that is about something in the lab She (Antagonist) tries to cover.
Then we see that She DOES use people.
Here we learn, what for.
1. List your character names along with each character’s traits
and their subtext above the scene.
Antagonist
Name: ANAUPSH
Traits: Concealing, Crafty, Treacherous, Evasive
Subtext: Evil
Character Logline: Anaupsh is Head of Development lab who uses her position for her personal scientific endeavor to construct animated monsters from parts of human bodies, making workers of Research Institute be her victims, as she murders them one by one.
Protagonist
Name: THANAKH
Traits: Suspicious, Respectful, Argumentative, Intelligent
Subtext: Research, observation
Character Logline: Thanakh is a scientist, working as Head of the Lab at Research Institute who lost his girlfriend and must find out who is behind missing cases at RI to bring things to justice.
3. Write a scene that uses both misleads and reveals to deliver its story.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge before TV screen. News.
Woman reporter, broadcasting from studio, reading from paper, alternates with images.
GIRL REPORTER ON TV SCREEN
In one of the huge institutions people get disappear around particular area of labs net.
Picture exchanges, showing along the way map of RI, marking down with red line especially dangerous area, where people disappear most.
JUDGE
Oh, it’s where my sis works. Should I call her, to learn if she is well?
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
News continue on TV screen. Thanakh is visibly dissatisfied.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Otak makes a phone call from street booth, to hide his identity.
OTAK
How was it?
THANAKH (O.C.)
Who will understand what you talking about?
OTAK
I thought, you wanted to let everyone know.
THANAKH (O.C.)
Yes, I did. But who will understand, what you mean?
Otak shrugs his shoulders.
THANAKH (O.C.)
This is misleading for the most.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Phone rings. Anaupsh picks up.
ANAUPSH
Hello!
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge drops it down, hearing her voice.
JUDGE
Why would I ever call you?
His son comes running into the room from the kitchen, as he was, holding tea cup.
HIS SON
Don’t answer!
Judge puts finger to the lip, for silence.
Son comes, and presses at the receiver to end the call.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
ANAUPSH
Who was it? Oh, it was my brother, of course, he saw the news, and calls, to learn, how I am! And I am well!
Sexy girl, sharing lunch time over candies, sincerely persuades.
SEXY GIRL
No, some people, they really disappeared! For example, a couple of people from that lab. And from this one!
Anaupsh looks at the girl, at her sexy legs, as she is sitting. Observing and measuring her body.
INT. VIEW OF CLOSET FROM INSIDE – DAY
This sexy girl is rummaging at the closet, as someone closes her mouth, and picks her up from behind.
She turns squeezing out, scared.
That is her boyfriend TENE who lets her out of embrace, happy with successful prank he played.
TENE
What are you doing tonight?
SEXY GIRL
It’s you! You freaked me out!
TENE
Where we meet?
SEXY GIRL
At the cafe!
INT. CAFE – NIGHT
Girl, dressed up, hair done and in makeup, spends it at small round table of cafe.
Tene doesn’t turn out.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
She leaves cafe and starts strolling along the street.
Car stops at the side. Its door opens, Anaupsh is there.
ANAUPSH
Get in!
Girl opens the rear door, and sees her boyfriend there, dead.
She starts losing herself.
ANAUPSH
He’s done.
Girl gets in, looks at the body, turned away from her.
SEXY GIRL
TENE!
Strokes his hair.
Vomits to the bottom of the car.
ANAUPSH
Let’s go, maybe we would restore him. I made experiment, maybe we could try that!
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
They pass by security, aged assistant pulling Tene, posing him as drunk. Girl follows in false hope.
ANAUPSH
(to security guard)
He had it!
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – NIGHT
Anaupsh opens door to back room for her. Girl sees there construction from parts of human bodies, towering slightly above human height. She begins to wave, and drops on the floor.
ANAUPSH
(to assistant)
Shoot her!
Aged assistant keeps standing, holding his gun, observing from above unconscious body from this and that side. She’s too good to spare immediately!
BLACKOUT
SOUND of a SHOT.
-
Alice’s Crucible
What I learned from doing this assignment is
2. List your character names along with each character’s traits
and their Subtext above the scene.Character Name: Son of Main Commander
1. Basic character traits:
Highly intelligent, Has no illusion, is a Visionary, Obscure
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
He SEPARATES though there are no external reasons for that
6. Special: Is a visionary
7. Subtext: Diplomatic, Refined
LENA
1. Basic character traits: intelligent, experienced, now a woman and with kids, loving, attracted
3. Paradoxes: she was born in reservation, but is a good girl
6. Special: she runs away from the reservation! This is rare
She also can see in a spirit!
7. Subtext: tragic, she learned how to be outside
3.
INT. PRIVATE RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Le-na walks out of kitchen into open guestroom, replacing items where her children dropped them, running for bus…
…up to Son of Main Commander who sits in deep reverie.
Phone rings. He turns no attention.
Ringing stops.
Le-na touches his shoulder.
LENA
Do you still think of it?
He comes back to realty.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
No. It doesn’t make any sense. I just would get killed.
Le-na sits on his lap, observing his facial expression, as she is still worried.
He returns her look back.
She starts rushing, and pulls string off her neck, bearing pendant, as if she wants to put it on him, as amulet for protection.
He stops her movement by firmly grabbing her wrists and doesn’t let her realize that.
For a while they silently look at each other. She anxiously, he with affirmation.
He lets go of her. Relaxes.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
I’ll go.
He gets up, letting Le-na in a chair instead of him.
Dons his military headwear, pulls at jacket, and heads out.
Phone rings again. Le-na picks it up.
LENA
No, he’s gone.
Puts it back on receiver.
EXT. PRIVATE RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Flat piece of lot where their one-leveled private house with triangular fronton is. No other houses around.
Son of Main Commander walks distance away from the house, then stops.
Wind blows into his face.
He Separates. Both sides of his face move apart a bit forward, along vertical slot with even edges. He keeps standing same way, with same facial expression.
Wind keeps blowing over grass.
-
I’m sorry, I didn’t answer the qiestion. It’s kinda crucible. It took me a lot of recognition, why he separates, including maybe he believes world doesn’t need him, or that he reached everything, and having no aim he does that, and some others.
-
-
Alice’s Twists
What I learned doing this assignment is
I always have twists in a story, but in one scene I was awkward
Maybe I’m blind to is there or nor twist in one scene
Some of my scenes are planned to be longer, but I won’t approach them yet. I chose this scene here, as there is some twist in a way.
Antagonist
Name: ANAUPSH
Traits: Concealing, Crafty, Treacherous, Evasive
Subtext: Evil
CRISIS:
INT. SIMPOSIUM ROOM – AFTERNOON
Large place, as a stadium, with enfilades of sitting places. Round dome tops it.
Anaupsh presents her work, reading from tribune in the middle.
ANAUPSH
Contrary to popular theory of Evolution of Individual, and of human as utmost reach of Evolution, as perceived in a part of human society, there are other hypotheses…
Scientists in audience get visibly interested in that.
ANAUPSH
…that this is not the only way of Evolution, – and we are adherents of another hypothesis. Because these biological constructs we are going to demonstrate, although they cannot regenerate, but they were created artificially, and this is only possible with Evolution of Human Society, and development of Science!
Scientists get wary, and whisper in between.
ANAUPSH
Subsequently might be possible more advanced biological modules…
Now Scientists are obviously disturbed.
ANAUPSH
We stand on the Threshold of New Epoch in Evolution of Human Society!
Complete climax in audience.
CONSILIUM MEMBER IN CHARGE
We must be excused. We didn’t check you enough for how much you qualify for consillium. It’s possible You offered not enough of documentation. We must stop it!
Anaupsh gets angry, but keeps solid on her ground.
ANAUPSH
Experimental works in this direction were started already, and are ongoing at this second!
Confusion amid audience.
ANAUPSH
We are checking now our modules for stability amid EXTERIOR atmosphere!
Now complete horror gets expressed on the faces of two main professors, and one of them, not hiding, presses on alarm button.
Both listen to something over dome roof.
Deafening alarm sound starts.
-
Alice’s Setup/Payoffs
What I learned doing this assignment is
I like it, though I can’t see where to use it in one scene only, and would rather use it for the story.
Antagonist
Name: ANAUPSH
Traits: Concealing, Crafty, Treacherous, Evasive
Subtext: Evil
Protagonist
Name: THANAKH
Traits: Suspicious, Respectful, Argumentative, Intelligent
Subtext: Research, observation
EXT. BEFORE THE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Thanakh slowly walking comes from the left as Alarm Man in quick steps comes from the right. They meet before gates of Research Institute.
THANAKH
It’s late!
ALARM MAN
Alarm didn’t work.
THANAKH
You live like this, with alarm?
ALARM MAN
Why not? It always worked.
THANAKH
What lab are you in?
Man hesitates.
ALARM MAN
Why?
THANAKH
I meet you all the time. I am the Head of the Lab, but I don’t know anyone except those from my lab, and maybe some from nearby ones.
ALARM MAN
Nothing special, just a lab worker.
He starts walking alley to the entrance.
THANAKH
Don’t go into that area…
ALARM MAN
That’s where I work.
THANAKH
Be careful.
Man turns back, shooting answer.
ALARM MAN
It’s a home. People live there.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
This man is tied up, his moth stuck. Behind him two other men tied up same manner, unconscious. ONE SCIENTIST (54) (with strict intelligent face), enters, and sees the picture.
SCIENTIST
Leave them!
ANAUPSH
Because I’m wrong!
Male Assistant shoots scientist from behind. But it already worked, and man gets Separated.
MALE ASSISTANT
I swear, I killed him, I swear!
He observes Separated body of a Scientist with vertical slot across his face keeping same expression, standing firmly as he was, in utter disbelieve, still holding up the gun he just used.
They come up to tied up man who screams with tied mouth. Return back to the table.
MALE ASSISTANT
What should we do?
ANAUPSH
I don’t know, if only to bury him under the table.
She picks up documentation material from the table and starts checking.
MALE ASSISTANT
Why should I do this?
ANAUPSH
Do. Or maybe I need to kill?
-
Alice’s Conflict
What I learned, doing this assignment is
I wanted to do another scene, but it proved too dificult, and I turn up this one. I must admit there are more tension than conflict, which is mostly inner conflict.
INT. HOTEL#2 ROOM – NIGHT
Room is dark. Single window on the street.
Light in the bathroom.
Son of Main Commander drops down on the bed dressed and booted. Sits so, folding arms on his chest.
Lena observes him.
Comes to the bed, and pulls at right boot. There is dirty sock under it.
Lena pulls sock away, heads into bathroom and washes hands down. She comes back with wet cloth.
Takes a seat on the bad, with her back to him, and wipes his foot down. Returns to bathroom. Washes her hands.
She comes back, takes a seat on the bed, pulls at left boot, pulls sock away, and shakes it.
Goes to bathroom. Noise of water running.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
And another foot?
LENA (O.C.)
No!
She returns, holding wet cloth behind. Sits on the bed with her back to him, so that he won’t be able to see that. Washes his left foot. Heads to bathroom and washes her hands.
Son of Main Commander gets up and observes her, standing a bit aside from bathroom door.
She pulls some small barrel from medicine cabinet, and pushes it inside sexual organs.
She comes out, he holds her by the shoulder, and slaps her face.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Why have you done that?
LENA
I don’t have blood anymore…
His facial expression changes from disturbingly-depressed onto recognition. How could he hit this child?!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
You are pregnant.
Drops dressed on the bed. She keeps standing.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Look into window. What do you see there?
LENA
I see some man in the window across the way.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
What does he do?
LENA
He is terribly angry, points finger at us. Talks to someone inside the room. Here, he is dressing up!
-
Alice’s Dramatic Irony
OPENING SCENE:
Seventy years after Separation.
NIGHT. At the sound of alarm. Disturbed bunch of military in running steps follows after MAIN COMMANDER into military headquarters.
A couple of security officers on their way at the doors, pale faces, eyes out of orbits. One, anxious, addresses Main Commander.
SECURITY OFFICER
This is very good defending system, sir!
INT. MILITARY HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Main Commander gets to control panel before huge oval of digital 3D map.
Bends over, and presses buttons.
Missiles, sent from Black Archipelago, are pictured on the map. They run from a couple of directions, heading into different points all over West Archipelago. One by one, they get caught, and disabled.
Military breath out, relieved a bit.
MAIN COMMANDER
Attack!
He directs on their turn Atomic Missiles to be sent from West targeting Black Archipelago. One missile he directs to Eastern Seashore, across stripe of Ocean.
One of young officers gets disturbed. Turns to him, in awkward voice.
YOUNG OFFICER
Sir…
Main Commander turns no attention at him.
YOUNG OFFICER
Sir, this is resort area.
MAIN COMMANDER
Shut up!
YOUNG OFFICER
Sir, my brother is there!
MAIN COMMANDER
Leave!
Young officer doesn’t get out, but his body starts to jerk, as he follows with dead eyes, how missiles hit Black Archipelago, including resort area, burning his brother on his honeymoon.
EXT. PLANET FROM ABOVE – NIGHT
DRAMATIC SOUND. Half of the Globe, where it was Black Archipelago, DARKENS.
-
Alice’s final scene for feedback exchange
OPENING SCENE:
Representation of how SEPARATION works. Life moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart”
EXT. TOP OF RESIDENTIAL – DAY
On the roof of beautiful residential building there is a square basin.
Keeping granddaughter on his lap, JUDGE watches, how his son is fishing, sitting on the edge of the basin, with legs into water.
JUDGE
That is a FISH! He caught it!
He says to kid, as his son pulls out a fish, sparkling under sunrays.
INCITING INCIDENT:
Planet MIROPOLIS 260 B.C. by Earth count.
North of Miropolis. Plane crosses from their Far East, Hawaii-like resort area back to Eastern shore of Western Hemisphere. Just some strip of Ocean water.
PILOT
Free citizens of the WEST! We are experiencing slight weather trouble due to the Northern winds, please remain seated. Landing on East Shore of Miropolis in about one and a half hour supposedly.
Really, plane shakes a bit, moving up and down under winds.
THANAKH, (34), middle-height, light-haired, even-tempered, as if everything in him is some kind of tempered ideal, Scientist working at Research Institute, travels back with his girlfriend KIAT (27), subtle attractive brunet, her skin darkened under sun they spent weekend under.
THANAKH
Kiat, awake, we are home!
Kiat awakes, pulls out cosmetic mirror, and puts on lipstick, making her lips really dark red.
She glances on Thanakh, and they hold hands, trying to make it less visible, and looking away from each other.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Small but cozy one-room apartment of Thanakh, which combines bedroom, guest room with a screen, and office with computer, is submerged in dusk.
Thanakh enters. Phone rings. He picks it up.
THANAKH
Hello!
DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Did you receive documentation?
THANAKH
Yes.
DIRECTOR (O.C.)
You have to be prepared to speak tomorrow!
THANAKH
It’s done. Are you sure it went through?
DIRECTOR (O.C.)
You had to read it already!
SHORT AFTER
Thanakh switches comp on, and gets to window, displaying files, all reports from labs quarter work he needs to speak of at tomorrow’s meeting. He opens first file, and makes printout, as he reads it briefly on screen.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
One of the files appears to be dark, he cannot open it. It belongs to report out of ANAUPSH lab, her name is above.
Thanakh clicks on it, then relaxes back on a chair.
THANAKH
Damaged!
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Empty night street. Thanakh jumps into taxi to run to Research Institute, where he can retrieve that file.
EXT. BEFORE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Sideway of RI, where there is security check.
Thanakh jumps out of taxi, running inside.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Thanakh runs inside.
SECURITY GUY
In a hurry?
THANAKH
File doesn’t open.
Goes on his way.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
Dark desolated office.
Thanakh switches comp on, opens file, and attempts to print it, but printer is lacking paper.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Thanakh unlocks wall cabinet, searching for printing paper.
Voice at the back.
NIGHT GUARD (O.S.)
What are you doing in here?
THANAKH
And you?
Thanakh turns around to face Night Guard. Night Guard drops gun down.
NIGHT GUARD
Ahh, this is you!
THANAKH
Don’t play on my nerves, don’t stay at my back.
Guard walks away down the corridor.
Thanakh pulls out box with paper, and looks into back of retrieving Night Guard guy. There is some weakness in the way he walks down the dark corridor, illuminated only by blue light out of windows. Shouts to his back.
THANAKH
Hey!
Night Guard doesn’t turn, instead making pacifying gesture with his hand, still holding weapon down. And continues his relaxed night walk.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
File that was damaged, belongs to the lab, leaded by ANAUPSH, her name is printed on top. Thanakh continues on files, as radiophone beeps. It prints on small display ‘I LOVE YOU’. This is message from Kiat.
Thanakh continues to work. And falls asleep right there at the desk.
-
Hey, Pamela!
It’s a little bit too much. He can’t just be kissed by dog, then kissed by woman, patting dog along.
Think of actors. They commonly got makeup. They cannot go wash their faces, and come back, for one scene only.
I don’t keep a dog though. Still
-
Alice’s Ad for A-List
What I learned, doing this assignment is
I mostly introduce MIROPOLIS, and I’m not sure yet how to do this with actors as that is as if it must be. However, I can see dialogs are so-so. I’m afraid to do it now, as the whole thing is very composite, otherwise they are to be brainstormed.
OPENING SCENE:
Representation of how SEPARATION works. Life moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart”
EXT. TOP OF RESIDENTIAL – DAY
On the roof of beautiful residential building there is a square basin.
Keeping granddaughter on his lap, JUDGE watches, how his son is fishing, sitting on the edge of the basin, with legs into water.
JUDGE
That is a FISH! He caught it!
He says to kid, as his son pulls out a fish, sparkling under sunrays.
INCITING INCIDENT:
On a flight back home from resort area.
North of Miropolis. Plane crosses from their Far East, Hawaii-like resort area back to Eastern shore of Western Hemisphere. Just some strip of Ocean water.
PILOT
Free citizens of the WEST! We are experiencing slight weather trouble due to the Northern winds, please remain seated. Landing on West Shore of Miropois in about one and a half hour supposedly.
Really, plane shakes a bit, moving up and down under winds.
THANAKH, (34), middle-height, light-haired, even-tempered, as if everything in him is some kind of tempered ideal, Scientist working at Research Institute, travels back with his girlfriend KIAT (27), subtle attractive brunet, her skin darkened under sun they spent weekend under.
THANAKH
Kiat, awake, we are home!
Kiat awakes, pulls out cosmetic mirror, and puts on lipstick, making her lips really dark red.
She glances on Thanakh, and they hold hands, trying to make it less visible, and looking away from each other.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Small but cozy one-room apartment of Thanakh, which combines bedroom, guest room with a screen, and office with computer, is submerged in dusk.
Thanakh enters. Phone rings. He picks it up.
THANAKH
Hello!
DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Did you receive documentation?
THANAKH
Yes.
DIRECTOR (O.C.)
You had to read it already!
Director drops the phone.
Phone rings again, him calling back.
THANAKH
What is it?
DIRECTOR
You have to be prepared for Monday!
THANAKH
It’s done. Are you sure it went through?
DIRECTOR
Yes, it did!
SHORT AFTER
Thanakh switches comp on, and gets to window, displaying files, all reports from labs quarter work he needs to speak of at tomorrow’s meeting. He opens first file, and makes printout, as he reads it briefly on screen.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
One of the files appears to be dark, he cannot open it. It’s damaged.
Thanakh gets angered at Director, who promised all files delivery.
THANAKH
Swine!!!
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Empty night street. Thanakh jumps into taxi to run to Research Institute, where he can retrieve that file.
EXT. BEFORE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Sideway of RI, where there is security check.
Thanakh jumps out of taxi, running inside.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Thanakh runs inside.
SECURITY GUY
In a hurry?
THANAKH
File doesn’t open.
Goes on his way.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
Dark desolated office.
Thanakh switches comp on, opens file, an attempts to print it, but printer is lacking paper.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Thanakh unlocks wall cabinet, searching for printing paper.
Voice at the back.
NIGHT GUARD (O.S.)
What are you doing in here?
THANAKH
And you?
Thanakh turns around to face Night Guard. Night Guard drops gun down.
NIGHT GUARD
Ahh, this is you!
THANAKH
Don’t play on my nerves, don’t stay at my back.
Guard walks away down the corridor.
Thanakh pulls out box with paper, and looks into back of retrieving Night Guard guy. There is some weakness in the way he walks down the dark corridor, illuminated only by blue light out of windows. Shouts to his back.
THANAKH
Hey!
Night Guard doesn’t turn, instead making pacifying gesture with his hand, still holding weapon down. And continues his relaxed night walk.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
File that was damaged, belongs to the lab, leaded by ANAUPSH, her name is printed on top. Thanakh continues on files, as radiophone beeps. It prints on small display ‘I LOVE YOU’. This is message from Kiat.
Thanakh continues to work. And falls asleep right there at the desk.
-
Alice’s Dialogue on The Attack!
What I learned doing this assignment is
I like it, but maybe I’m not using it yet fully.
Antagonist
Name: ANAUPSH
Traits: Concealing, Crafty, Treacherous, Evasive
Subtext: Evil
Character Logline: Anaupsh is Head of Development lab who uses her position for her personal scientific endeavor to construct animated monsters from parts of human bodies, making workers of Research Institute be her victims, as she murders them one by one.
Possible areas of subtext: Playing innocent, hiding part of the lab from common view, planning deception and capture. Hiding, retrieving, erasing, and exchanging information on her lab works.
Character Name: THANAKH
1. Basic character traits:
Suspicious, Respectful, Argumentative, Intelligent
talented, honest, reserved, and refined
2. Want/Need
Wants to bring this event to conclusion, if possible to justice
Needs to uncover who is behind missing cases
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
That he, such a refined person, ended up in a pile of carnal bodies construction.
4. Secret:
He hides, how much he went wounded by it.
5. Flaw:
Idea, secret police might be behind it, weakens him.
6. Special:
He’s different
7. Subtext: Research, observation
8. Character Arc:
Part to be changed: He needs to find out, who’ve done it, and what happened?
Biggest fear: His biggest fear is what he sees in Anaupsh’s his lab
Completion of arc: His example as martyr changes social structure of the West. For separate-able humanity.
9. Character Logline:
Thanakh is a scientist, working as Head of the Lab at Research Institute who lost his girlfriend and must find out who is behind missing cases at RI to bring things to justice.
Possible areas of subtext: as he communicates here and there
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Control group, in amount of one aged man and young lady sent by organization comes to check at what is happening at Research Institute.
AN AGED MAN
Hi! We came from organization to look at what’s going on. We don’t need anyone to go with us. We can look ourselves.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
ANAUPSH
I also lost an assistant. The young girl. She always used to be there, here is her place.
GIRL
Did you attempt to contact her?
ANAUPSH
I don’t call her, no!
AN AGED MAN
Why not?
ANAUPSH
A lot of people disappeared, I don’t want to call her at such times, she might dislike it.
Young woman and aged man glance at each other.
AN AGED MAN
Maybe there is some spy on the ground?
ANAUPSH
There are gates, area is restricted.
An Aged man looks at the map of RI’s floors he’s holding, looks at the wall before him.
AN AGED MAN
And this whole area in here?
Assistant unexpectedly hits man over the head from behind unconscious. Man drops on the floor.
Girl immediately points gun on them.
YOUNG BRUNET
Leave him!
At this moment secret door unnoticeable prior opens, sliding automatically. Keeping her gun with both hands before her, girl turns her head in this direction. Anaupsh’s second girl assistant stands inside before opening, waiting for door fully open. Male assistant snatches opportunity girl looks aside and blows her gun away.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
They both are beaten up, unconscious. Girl is dropped on the floor. Male assistant towers over her. Pushing with his boot, observes her pale beaten up face. She’s pretty.
ASSISTANT
You know, how to shoot?
He says in mocking tone.
INT. SOME LAB – DAY
Protagonist on his way around to check labs meets opposition from aged scientist.
INT. DINAMICS LAB – EVENING
Two guys in this lab tell Hero, how they protect with guns. They assure him they are waiting for those who do this to come, and don’t lock the doors.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – MORNING
Protagonist passes by Dynamics Lab, its door seems closed. He tries it, and it opens, room same as it was, no men.
MIDPOINT:
OFFICER moves awkwardly past control in the lobby amid noise and commotion of people passing by, or standing in groups and talking.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
OFFICER
Did two of our people really were coming to you?
THANAKH
I can describe them. Woman young brunet. An aged man, tall.
OFFICER
I don’t know the faces, you did it for nothing! We lost fifty four people.
THANAKH
Were they working in here?
OFFICER
Yes.
THANAKH
And these two?
Shows photographs.
THANAKH
Did they work for you?
OFFICER
Yes, they were occupying with cosmic technology.
THANAKH
They were gone yesterday.
OFFICER
It makes fifty six.
THANAKH
Should I give you numbers? I keep track.
Officer waves negatively.
OFFICER
What was your brother thinking of, when he was broadcasting that on TV?
THANAKH
He’s journalist, and is a bit superficial. He didn’t completely understand what I told him.
OFFICER
We went disturbed, after thirty were gone. They stopped to report. We warned people, but it seems, there were rumors already. And suddenly this was aired.
THANAKH
It seemed to me the only way around. I was coming few times to the service for no avail.
OFFICER
Did you have anyone close to you, amid those who were gone?
THANAKH
Yes, two humans I knew close went lost.
OFFICER
And they were women?
THANAKH
No. One man. One woman.
OFFICER
Yes, I see, I see. Fuck those motherfuckers!
THANAKH
This wasn’t done by anyone from your organization?
OFFICER
No, you see, I cannot change the ways! I know, who leads us. I cannot blow up the whole building, it’s an institution. There are biologist, physicists, medics. If it was someone higher than us, I don’t know this. I’m telling you, I was scared to pass through the door, even though there is a big commotion. How people aren’t afraid to come in here?
THANAKH
I don’t know. Maybe some really left. It has to do with something everyone is thinking, it’s not going to be him.
-
Alice’s Translated Characters
What I’ ve learned doing this assignment is
I also used action/reaction for stting, where they had to make conversation
Without it I couldn’t do it
I don’t see WARD scene yet
Part 2
Name: WARD
Possible areas of subtext: Avoiding danger (other residents), pretending to reach his aim, planning actions, getting into fight
Name: Son of Main Commander
Possible areas of subtext: at the dialogs in Hotel when they are reported. In his behavior and interactions with LENA.
PART 1
Character Name: THANAKH
1. Basic character traits:
Suspicious, Respectful, Argumentative, Intelligent
talented, honest, reserved, and refined
2. Want/Need
Wants to bring this event to conclusion, if possible to justice
Needs to uncover who is behind missing cases
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
That he, such a refined person, ended up in a pile of carnal bodies construction.
4. Secret:
He hides, how much he went wounded by it.
5. Flaw:
Idea, secret police might be behind it, weakens him.
6. Special:
He’s different
7. Subtext: Research, observation
8. Character Arc:
Part to be changed: He needs to find out, who’ve done it, and what happened?
Biggest fear: His biggest fear is what he sees in Anaupsh’s his lab
Completion of arc: His example as martyr changes social structure of the West. For separate-able humanity.
9. Character Logline:
Thanakh is a scientist, working as Head of the Lab at Research Institute who lost his girlfriend and must find out who is behind missing cases at RI to bring things to justice.
PART 2
Character Name: WARD
1. Basic character traits:
Even-tempered, self-controlled, trained in martial arts, good at deciphering people
2. Want/Need
Wants to love LENA
Needs to send her safely out of reservation
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
He is so trained, but lets himself be shot point-blank
4. Secret:
They have been using weapon prior at reservations, to bring qualified out. This discredits him as a ward, and who he would recommend.
5. Flaw:
He weakens, meeting LENA, as she becomes also his lover, not just another better specimen to be brought outside. He stops to be impartial, and puts himself under fire.
6. Special: He reappears in a spirit after he is shot, and guides LENA.
7. Subtext: Withholding, Sensual, Covering up, and Disguising
8. Character Arc:
9. Character Logline:
Ward, who goes inside of restricted reservations to bring back qualified, picks up LENA and is intended to liberate her. (Write report, and send her back, on helicopter).
Character Name: Son of Main Commander
1. Basic character traits:
high rank military, intelligent, independent, has no illusion, good with observations, and predicting, lives dramatic life.
Highly intelligent, Has no illusion, is a Visionary, Obscure
2. Want/Need
Want: Higher Aspirations
Need: pass via civil war
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
He SEPARATES though there are no external reasons for that
4. Secret: He’s hiding his personal view
5. Flaw: Is incapable to step ahead as a ward
6. Special: Is a visionary
7. Subtext: Diplomatic, Refined
8. Character Arc:
9. Character Logline:
Top Rank Military who accidentally picks up on LENA, gets attracted, and she becomes his partner.
You will work from those nine components when doing today’s
assignment like what you see in the handout.
1. Go to your outline and select an interesting situation that has
both of your lead characters in it.
PART 1
THANAKH
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
As Thanakh addresses Research Institute workers for support, other missing cases come out.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Thanakh learns of Director’s disappearance.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Thanakh warns workers against area of local labs at Research Institute.
PART 2
WARD
MIDPOINT: His window is bulletproof, but door has space underneath. After knocking at his locked door didn’t help, residents put smoke via this opening. Ward then streams water outside.
Son of Main Commander
CRISIS: INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander is encountered by Hotel’s owner, and then military dispatch. All tenants get out of their rooms. It appears, Hotel was stuffed with video cameras to observe tenants, by agreement of that man across the street and Hotel owner. As Son of Main Commander arguments matter with Commanding Officer, that one freaks out and gets tied up by his own soldiers. Soldiers get all lost, but one, who starts giving commands, by birth right!
2. Do a quick brainstorm session (like the example) and list 2 to 5 ideas
for each component of your Character Profiles
3. Listing their profiles, tell us the ideas you generated for botha lead characters in this situation.
4. Tell us the ideas you’ve decided to keep.
Situation: Speaking before Audience of Research Institute
Character 1 Name: THANAKH
What would a Suspicious, Respectful, Argumentative, Intelligent
talented, honest, reserved, and refined person do or say?
What would a (Intelligent, talented, reserved) person do or say?
We have here conditions for working on science, on our subject. These conditions are suppose to be comfortable, so that we could address, occupy, dedicate to our ongoing researches, working and learning. This is a place for juniors and interns to get education.
What would a (Honest, refined) person do or say?
I would confess, how I mostly am connected to the research of my lab I’m a head of. And maybe paying not enough attention, or not follow closely enough what is ongoing at jointed labs. Still, I am genuinely aggravated that no one pays attention at a fact person has disappeared.
What would a Argumentative person do or say?
If someone would work here day after day for a period, short or long, I would at least ask a question, where is he going, or where did he went?
What would a (Research, observation) person do or say?
We’ve got so many lab workers. I personally cannot keep track of all of them. But I cannot mark not who is present at my own lab who’s absent, because I need ‘em. How come no one questions Kiat’s absence? She was working on regular basis non-stop, dedicating to research and education, like all of you. And honestly, friends, I just don’t understand your indifference!
Situation: Speaking with Zone Residents across the door
Character 2 Name: WARD
What would a (self-controlled, trained) person do or say?
Door is locked, you must go. You don’t knock on the door, locked, no you pull at it.
Start pouring water on landing outside via opening of under the door and threshold, as they stream smoke inside of room.
“Remove the water!” “Then, let them remove the smoke!”
What would a Covering up person do or say?
Why would you be interested, what’s inside?
No, I won’t open the door!
Yes, I am a ward, and this is my apartment. This is my door you knock at, and not someone else’s!
What would a Sensual person do or say?
Lena is here. And what kind of bad thought do you posses?
No, I guess we would stay in here for a while.
(Do) (won’t unlock the door)
What would a Disguising person do or say?
What is your problem, I don’t get it, someone locks inside, what’s in it for you?
What would a Withholding person do or say?
Why won’t you go, and stop knocking, pulling, and hitting over?
I just don’t understand, what my door is guilty of? You can’t open it, anyway. Why to persist for such a long time?
So what?
Because he would not open the door, for example, and shoot them down, because of that they do this for real long time, they have idea, he’s not going to shoot them down. So they lost fright of it.
As he locks inside, they maybe expect system, which works for limiting freedom of such entities like them, is broken. All they want to know, is what is next Monday when tickets for permission for doing anything (like locking doors and chopping heads of virgins off) date is?
Then he unlocks, and system is as good as ever, and they using their emotions on the verge to kill him.
He keeps Lena inside so that she would restore, feel better, so that she would be accepted easily to outside of zone.
Situation: Speaking with Officer of military dispatch
Character 3 Name: Son of Main Commander
What would a (high rank military, lives dramatic life. Highly intelligent) person do or say?
What is your rank?// I am top officer!
I only report to my higher ranks!// Obviously, they then report to me!//You undermine my position of top officer!//I’m not questioning your experience, I just make it seen how more flexibility is required to command and make decisions. This is present demand of society! And this is unfortunately lacking at many positions like yours!//You make my head spin!
Officer gets red in a face, and partly pulls weapon out, as if wishing to shoot himself, or use it.
What would a (Has no illusion) person do or say?
Not afraid of dismissal?// Maybe it seems to you, there are any reasons for that?
Do you believe your actions won’t qualify?// No more, than keeping cameras and watching tenants!
What would a (Obscure) person do or say?
That is done for good reason.//We do filter society, but that is done with considerations. Our society must become liberated, not undergo rudeness and intrusion!//I can’t believe YOU say that!
I’m sure you understand procedure, or you will finish up with pissing across the Ocean to another Archipelago!//We have “psychologists” dispatch, they must be here soon!//I do get right from wrong!// Maybe doing more evil?// I only carry orders!// You must have a feeling of discrimination, otherwise your actions as an officer would lead to bigger social crimes and instability!// You mean watching tenants is incorrect? But this leads to your exposure!// I don’t mean watching tenants only. I talk about general attitude of leading officers, who were ordained to carry orders only, instead of personal approach, and mostly are lacking intelligence, necessary to command youngsters, who fall into uncertainty.// I don’t know, maybe I piss across the Ocean, but if such elements like you are at the top rank, I don’t know, where World is going!//For example?//Like your behavior with woman!// You mean my wife? This wasn’t probably having that inclination, as you implying!
By this moment all tenants are out of their rooms, most in pajamas or underdressed.
What would a (independent, good with observations, and predicting) person do or say?
Strange habits?// Maybe just tonight
What would a (Diplomatic, Refined) person do or say?
I don’t question you honesty, officer, but your first action must be removing cameras from this Hotel, and letting tenants know, they’ve been watched.//I will do everything to expose you, and disqualify you as a rotten element in the army!
I am about hitting you myself!// I would warn you from such behavior, as unnecessary and undermining military honor!
Boys, would you restrain your officer, so that he won’t hurt himself, till he starts feeling better?
Two young military get hold of top officer from both sides, as he still stares into Son of Main Commander face.
Military dispatch comes, Top Officer at the head.
They salute each other.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
What is your rank?
OFFICER
I am top officer!
Glances into room, were LENA is taking confinement under blanket.
OFFICER
Strange habits?
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Maybe just tonight.
OFFICER
Not afraid of dismissal?
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Maybe it seems to you, there are any reasons for that?
OFFICER
Do you believe your actions won’t qualify?
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
No more, than keeping cameras and watching tenants!
OFFICER
That is done for good reason.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
We do filter society, but that is done with considerations. Our society must become liberated, not undergo rudeness and intrusion!
OFFICER
I can’t believe YOU say that!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
I don’t question you honesty, officer, but your first action must be removing cameras from this Hotel, and letting tenants know, they’ve been watched.
OFFICER
I will do everything to expose you, and disqualify you as a rotten element in the army!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
I’m sure you understand procedure, or you will finish up with pissing across the Ocean to another Archipelago!
HOTEL OWNER
We have “psychologists” dispatch, they must be here soon!
OFFICER
I do though get right from wrong!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Maybe doing more evil?
OFFICER
I only carry orders!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
You must have a feeling of discrimination, otherwise your actions as an officer would lead to bigger social crimes and instability!
OFFICER
You mean watching tenants is incorrect? But this leads to your exposure!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
I don’t mean watching tenants only. I talk about general attitude of leading officers, who were ordained to carry orders only, instead of personal approach, and mostly are lacking intelligence, necessary to command youngsters, who fall into uncertainty.
OFFICER
I don’t know, maybe I piss across the Ocean, but if such elements like you are at the top rank, I don’t know, where World is going!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
For example?
OFFICER
Like your behavior with woman!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
You mean my wife? This wasn’t probably having that inclination, as you implying!
By this moment all tenants are out of their rooms, most in pajamas or underdressed.
OFFICER
I am about hitting you myself!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
I would warn you from such behavior, as unnecessary and undermining military honor!
Not young woman with withered face and body and huge heap of auburn hair gets terrified.
OFFICER
I only report to my higher ranks!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Obviously, they then report to me!
OFFICER
You undermine my position of top officer!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
I’m not questioning your experience, I just make it seen how more flexibility is required to command and make decisions. This is present demand of society! And this is unfortunately lacking at many positions like yours!
OFFICER
You make my head spin!
Officer gets red in a face, and partly pulls weapon out, as if wishing to shoot himself, or use it.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Boys, would you restrain your officer, so that he won’t hurt himself, till he starts feeling better?
Two young military get hold of top officer from both sides, as he still stares into Son of Main Commander face.
-
Alice’s Character Chemistry
What have I learned from this assignment?
I enjoyed assignment. I only am awkward that I cannot give correct relationships of Antagonist versus Protagonist. Though in a second part, LENA is in way antagonist of her lovers, they suffer because of her.
I listed my part one Antagonist separately
Compare your top five characters and discover what gives
each of their relationships chemistry.
1. List your character names/roles as couples.
Protagonist/Antagonist
Protagonist/Connecting Character (connecting them and the antagonist)
Antagonist/Connecting Character (connecting them and the protagonist)
Anaupsh/Sexy Girl
Playing the same game / Competing Agendas (because they don’t quarell)
Protagonist/Supporting Character 2
Judge/ His Son
Differences that create conflict
Need fulfillment
Antagonist/Supporting Character 1
Anaupsh/Her male assistant
Common gound
etc.
PART 1
Thanakh/Kiat
Thanakh/Director, other workers at RI
Thanakh/his journalist brother Otak
Thanakh/Secret Police Officer
PART 2
Ward/Lena
Son of Main Commander/Lena
Son of Main Commander/Psychologist/”boy”/”lady” hotel resident
Son of Main Commander/Pscychologist/”boy” matured
2. Try to express each relationship on as many of these four levels
as you can:
PART 1
A. Common ground / similarities.
Thanakh and Officer who contacts him. They happen to be both of the same social caste. Both are transformants. (Therefore honest, hard workers, have understanding)
B. Differences that create conflict.
Thanakh and Director. Also Thanakh and other RI workers. They have different perspectives.
C. Playing the same game / Competing Agendas
Thanakh and Otak, journalist. They are on the same game, however Otak though bright is a bit ignorant, or is ambitious, but without grounds.
D. Need fulfillment
Thanakh and Kiat. They love each other, and support. They are soulmates. Type B. Each fulfills other’s “weaknesses”
PART 2
A. Common ground / similarities.
Son of Main Commander, Psychologist, and “boy” matured. They are friends in a company. Maybe have common enemy, Underdog?
B. Differences that create conflict.
Son of Main Commander and Lena. They have different background and education.
C. Playing the same game / Competing Agendas
Son of Main Commander and Psychologist. Psychologist and the “boy”. Psychologist and “lady”. Though they are about the same thing, their agendas play around, creating kinetics.
D. Need fulfillment
Ward and Lena. Type A. He gives her task, she makes it.
-
Alice’s Character Arc
What I learned doing this assignment is
I found out, I’m kind of blind to Characters’ Arks, I used to be afraid of ChArk idea. And, I can see at least two characters arks, for main protagonists for each part. I wish I could see character ark for the Judge,or he is completely clean, just comes, sentences, and goes, though he Separates.
I was very happy to see, how characters’ arks were predisposed in my story. This makes me think, I’m simply blind to it. It’s good to know that, or I could turn action in the wrong way.
Apply the Character Arc process to your protagonist and add the improvements to your structure.
1. Return to your structure from Day 7 of the Outlining Class.
Alice’s Outline Version 1
MIROPOLIS
SEPARATION
Part 1
1. List the following key components of your story:
A. Concept:
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
B. Plot Choice:
7. The Riddle
9. Underdog
12. Transformation
C. Character Structure: Antagonist versus Protagonist
D. Lead Characters (*Name* is an *identity* who *does X in the story*.):
Protagonist: young talented scientist of Research Institute who’s girlfriend went missing, searching for who’ve done it
Antagonist: Anaupsh, head of development lab, who massacres RI workers to create animated monster
Protagonist #2 Judge who is to lead the process, finds Anaupsh guilty, proposes zones for outcastes, and Separates.
E. Dramatic Question: Creation of Zone at planet Miropolis
F. Main Conflict: social, in between of castes
G. Dilemma: of Protagonist #1 Would he find out, who’ve done it from those he works with?
H. Theme: Techno techno society, filtering of population, creation of zones, and self development
I. Character Arc of Lead Character (if any):
Protagonist#1
Part to be changed: He needs to find out, who’ve done it, and what happened?
Biggest fear: His biggest fear is what he sees in Anaupsh’s his lab
Completion of arc: His example as martyr changes social structure of the West. For separate-able humanity.
J. Structure of your screenplay (9 beats, one sentence each):
1. Opening
Representation (Visuals) of how SEPARATION (an artificial nano death, insinuated by signal from human brain of the bearer, whereas face and chest are separated symmetrically by vertical line), works. Inside perspective. Life stream as if moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
2. Inciting Incident
Protagonist returns from weekend spent offshore, and receives phone call from Director of Research Institute with urgent assignment. As he works on it, he encounters erased file that is exactly report for Anaupsh’s lab.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
This is going to be on the ground of Research Institute, where Anaupsh massacres its workers. But that’s also at another planet, named MIROPOLIS, and has to do with advanced science and discrimination of castes.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
His girlfriend is missing amid lab personnel. “ Where is Kiat?”
5. Mid-Point
Journalist brother of Protagonist streams confusing news to illustrate the case of people missing on the ground of Research Institute.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Protagonist gets contacted by secret service officer.
7. Crisis
Protagonist gets massacred. Officers who contacted him shot.
8. Climax
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium and lets monsters, created by her in a lab out, to float up to the sky. Aerial dispatch destroys it.
9. Resolution
Scandalous process. Judge gives a speech and separates right at the court.
Upstart with residences for outcastes.
Part 2
1. List the following key components of your story:
A. Concept:
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
B. Plot Choice:
5. Escape
9. Underdog
13. Maturation
C. Character Structure: Romantic or Dramatic Triangle
D. Lead Characters (*Name* is an *identity* who *does X in the story*.):
LENA, girl born inside of restricted reservation who runaways from it
WARD, who picks up at Le-na to liberate her
Son of Main Commander, top military who picks up Le-na outside and falls in love with her
E. Dramatic Question: How Miropolis would do with zones
F. Main Conflict: In between of advanced vision and old ways
G. Dilemma: How to bring qualified back from zone, or accommodate them outside
H. Theme: Liberation
I. Character Arc of Lead Character (if any):
WARD
What he wants: to love LENA
What he needs: to send her safely outside
LENA
Part to be changed: She wants to runaway, be liberated
Biggest fear: There is now here to run, no action to save it
Completion of arc: She reaches what she could’ve desire but crashes
J. Structure of your screenplay (9 beats, one sentence each):
1. Opening
Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
2. Inciting Incident
Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
MIROPOLIS seventy years after they started with zones.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
Ward meets Le-na .
5. Mid-Point
He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Ward is shot down.
7. Crisis
Le-na burns her stepmother who came back to kill her with acid from the barrel.
8. Climax
Le-na deposits report, fights her way via girl, picks up a gun, and deceives helicopter pilot.
9. Resolution
Le-na is picked up by high rang military.
ESCAPE story (above) as OPENING SCENE for Lena Outside of Reservation
(Lena Outside of Reservation, as a RESOLUTION to Escape story)
2. Inciting Incident: Lena tries to pull up his shirt, to check, if he is “marked” as maybe all special people from outside.
3. By “page 10”, you know, what the movies is about: it is now about Lena and Son of Main Commander evolving relationship
4. First Turning Point: They get intimate (Hotel #1)
5. Midpoint: His blackout.
6. Second Turning Point: Lena appears to be pregnant.
7. Crisis: They again are exposed (military come, as he is military), (Hotel#2, amid crowd)
8. Culmination: They discover dead body of ten years old daughter of hotel owner.
9. Resolution: They are in the room again. Woman across the street shoots another tenant. Absurd.
10 (9) RESOLUTION for the Part 2: Their young military friend gets matured, and gets sentenced as a ward who used weapon inside of habitation on civil ones. Son of Main Commander SEPARATES.
2. Brainstorm potential Character Arcs. Look at your story structure and your protagonist character profile together. First look to see if there is an obvious change that will take place in your protagonist. Where does your main character start and end up? Does that imply a transformation?
If not, brainstorm possible fears, flaws, or traits that could be changed. Remember, you are going to pick ONE to build your Character Arc around.
Part 1
THANAKH
Both he and his girlfriend Kiat are introvert. He doesn’t like pretty much to come into contact with services like police. By his position he might not too, or avoids them.
When Kiat gets missing, he is about to contact social service, by person and over phone, but drops out, choosing to speak with familiar to him Director.
Finally he ends up even befriending one of the officers who contacts him.
Part 2
LENA
She is at first such that when she undergoes martial training, Ward reminds her that blow is done to hit, it is for murder.
After she undergoes all troubles, she uses martial art to kill.
Ward manipulates with her the way he wants it, pulls her into shower.
When he gets shot, she gets lost. But after she gets hurt, she breaks. After murders she does to escape, she exchanges.
When she meets her soul mate, she does with him whatever, trying to manipulate, even though he is not a person to be afraid of it.
All this ends tragically, as it is obvious, he’s not a thing she just could keep safely in her pocket.
3. With the arc you’ve chosen, write up the Issue, Challenges, and Transformation. Please look at the example from THE HANGOVER to see how the challenges escalate.
Part 1
THANAKH
Issue
Thanakh is reserved man of science, who is independent, proud, hard working, and would rather avoid others but his contacts.
Challenges
As Kiat gets lost, he is pushed to contact people.
He would rather avoid contacting Social Service
He drops from phone talk with his ropes either, what if they are behind that?
He challenges his brother to put broadcast on the air
Transformation
He gets contacted, and starts to maintain this contact
Part 2
LENA
Issue
Lena is a better girl, who avoids other residents, who are outcastes. She only does martial arts as an exercise, not actively planning to use it.
Challenges
She gets terribly hurt, and can expect continuation.
Transformation
In a need to physically protected herself, she destroys her adversary.
To run away, she gets into fight with newcomer lady, and robs her of her gun.
EXT. RAINY STREET – NIGHT
Lena deliberately walks up to street’s corner, to free-phone booth, presses correct numbers, and receives support.
Lens tries to manipulate her husband, at least his mood, at least with words.
4. Now, look at your Day 7 Structure and add in key points from #3 — Issue, Challenges, and Transformation.
Part 1
OPENING SCENE:
Representation (Visuals) of how SEPARATION (an artificial nano death, insinuated by signal from human brain of the bearer, whereas face and chest are separated symmetrically by vertical line), works. Inside perspective. Life stream as if moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
EXT. TOP OF RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Fishing at the basin on the rooftop. Protagonist #2 family is introduced.
EXT. ON A PLANE
North of Planet MIROPOLIS. Protagonist #1 and his girlfriend Kiat are on a plane, coming home from weekend. Plane is crossing sea from resort area to West Shore.
Thanakh is reserved man of science, who is independent, proud, hard working, and would rather avoid others but his contacts.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Protagonist #1 receives assignment to prepare for Monday.
INCITING INCIDENT:
File with data from Anaupsh’s lab is damaged.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Hero takes night ride to Research Institute to recover damaged file.
EXT. BEFORE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Front of Research Institute (RI is introduced)
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Lobby is guarded.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
Hero recovers file, but printer lacks paper.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Getting paper from corridor cabinet, Hero encounters night watch man.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
Kiat sends him a message via radiophone. “I love you”
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm man, one of small lab workers, is introduced.
INT. OFFICE – MORNING
Hero expects Kiat to come.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Hero accidentally passes by Anapush on the way of speaking on report.
FIRST TURNING POINT:
Hero notices his girlfriend’s absence.
INT. BACK ROOM – MORNING
Kiat is brutally murdered.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Hero tries to reach Kiat by phone.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Hero keeps missing her.
As Kiat gets lost, Thanakh is pushed to contact people.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero visits Kiat’s apartment and attempts to find out about her from her neighbor.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Second attempt. Her neighbor is not collaborative.
INT. KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Police breaks into apartment to find money, clothes, and documents intact. But don’t find enough reasons for missing case.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
As Protagonist addresses Research Institute workers for support, other missing cases come out.
INT. RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Protagonist attempts to recover one of missing people by visiting his apartment.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Hero is visited by man, searching for his wife who was working at Hero’s lab.
INT. SOCIAL SERVICES – EVENING
Hero lingers to contact Secret Service.
He would rather avoid contacting Social Service
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero attempts to contact his ropes.
He drops from phone talk with his ropes either, what if they are behind that?
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Hero tries to persuade Director of RI to search labs. Director drops out of it for meeting with Anaupsh.
EXT. BEFORE DIRECTOR’S – DAY
Hero is shown leaving. City Street.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director gets murdered by Anaupsh’s assistant so that she would wipe out files with info on her lab work.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist learns of Director’s disappearance.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero attempts to contact Director by phone.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Protagonist #2 family. To go fishing, or stay with family.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
Protagonist #2 family.
INT. LOBBY – EVENING
Hero notices night watch man is gone.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – DAY
Protagonist gets refused by policeman on account there are not enough of proofs people went missed.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist warns workers against area of local labs at Research Institute.
INT. LIBRARY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – DAY
Protagonist accidentally runs on Anaupsh. He notices there is nor metallic plate stuck in her sandal any longer, which was electronic key she opened Director’s comp with.
INT. RI’S CORRIDOR OF HERO’S DREAM – NIGHT
Horrible dream about RI corridors.
INT. HERO’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Hero awakes.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm man gets late as his alarm clock went broken.
EXT. BEFORE THE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Protagonist warns alarm man against suspicious area, which is his home area.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
Alarm man is captured. This is witnessed by one scientist. They go with murdering him, but man has time to Separate. They cannot use his body, and must cover it up somehow differently.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Protagonist’s friend mentions, he’s missing lab’s Head.
EXT. TRAIN STATION – EVENING
Protagonists friend is watched, as he is to board a train.
INT. TRAIN – EVENING
He boards train, deceived.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – EVENING
Protagonist is refused by police officer on account of his “better position”.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – EVENING
Protagonist recognizes his friend is gone.
INT. HERO’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Someone comes to Hero’s apartment at night.
MIDPOINT
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls his acquaintance at Secret Service, demanding they would say if missing cases were their job.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Protagonist visits his brother. He happens to be a journalist.
EXT. POLICE CAR – NIGHT
Police watches them over distance, listening to conversation with antenna.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT
Protagonist relates to his brother about missing cases.
He challenges his brother to put broadcast on the air
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
TV news. “In one of huge institutions people get disappear in one of the area of the lab works” Judge remarks that’s where his sister works.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero watches the news.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Journalist calls his brother to learn of impression. Hero is dissatisfied, saying, his report was misleading at broadcast.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh answers the phone.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge drops it down, hearing her voice, as he cannot stand her.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh’s assistant turns attention on herself, as that one remarks on the case. This sexy girl who always was so unreachable at meetings appears to be very naïve.
INT. VIEW OF CLOSET FROM INSIDE – DAY
She gets pranked by her boyfriend who places a date with her.
INT. CAFE – NIGHT
Girl is waiting for him, but he doesn’t turn out.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
As she leaves café, she is lured by Anaupsh in her vehicle, where there is her boyfriend, already killed.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
They pass by night guard, posing her boyfriend as drunk.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – NIGHT
Anaupsh proposes as if to restore him and girl sees construction from parts of human bodies before dropping on a floor. Anaupsh’s male assistant is not to pass such a specimens unnoticed.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
In result of broadcast, control group, in amount of one aged man and young lady is sent by organization to check at what is happening at Research Institute.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
As Anaupsh gets uncovered, her assistants capture both people from control group.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
They both are beaten up, unconscious.
INT. SOME LAB – DAY
Hero starts searching through labs, followed by his lab’s workers.
INT. DYNAMICS LAB – EVENING
Two guys in this lab do carry guns. They assure Hero they don’t lock the doors making a trap.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – MORNING
Protagonist discovers both weapon men from Dynamics Lab are gone.
SECOND TURNING POINT:
Protagonist gets contacted by secret service officer. He affirms they also lost a number of people on Institute’s ground, and that he was afraid to pass inside.
Thanakh gets contacted, and starts to maintain this contact
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Secret Service officers receive indications from above not to do much about the case.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – EVENING
Strolling along, Protagonist looks into open lab and sees there girl assistant of Anaupsh rummaging through documents. She says she had to sort that out.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Walking past Anaupsh’s lab, Protagonist can hear noise behind the wall, something knocks. He is surprised.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Night guard confirms everyone from that lab are gone for the night.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – MORNING
Hero waits for Anaupsh to come, to check her lab. She lets him in, saying it’s development nocking.
CRISIS:
She opens back room for him, and he can see huge animated construction, composed from human bodies, managed by DNA exchange. He recognizes it here and there. Passes out.
EXT. BACK STREET – EVENING
Officer who came to RI calls his top officer, saying, scientist does not answer his calls. He drops the phone and turns to go away, but is shot from behind a corner out of vehicle.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets notified, his employee went arrested for interest in this case. He is stunned. Upon consideration, exits office via back door.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets out, considers cars nearby, walks down, and is shot from behind.
CLIMAX:
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium. Two scientists at presidium get alarmed, but Anaupsh smartly lets her creation into outside world, to float at the sky. They sound alarm then.
EXT. CITY SCAPE – EVENING
Judge’s son witnesses monsters in the sky as he strolls fishing, falling from the edge of the roof in effect, encountered by helicopter, as aircraft dispatch destroys monsters spreading point-direct atomic weapon.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
His son supports him, says to hold on.
INT. COURT – DAY
As Judge heads ahead to preside, hate is manifested toward him. Everyone blames Anaupsh, and yet believes they would let her clean.
RESOLUTION:
Judge sentences Anaupsh, and proposes creation of zones, to preserve society. He Separates under psychic attack, after what his subtle body walks out of court room.
EXT. SITY STREET – DAY
Journalist brother of late scientist watches street screens, streaming phenomenon. He immediately recognizes, zones are to be created.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
His son gets photo session for magazine.
INT. EDITORIAL OFFICE – NIGHT
Late Protagonist’s journalist brother gets criticized by his editor. What would people think of Separation after reading “Man after Separating, walked along the ail?”
RESOLUTION:
People with strict faces are at building construction, meant for outcastes.
“First Social Services were doing it, then when jails went full, they got that wasn’t enough, and called in military…”
Part 2
OPENING SCENE: Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
INCITING INCIDENT: Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
INT. RESIDENTIAL ZONE – DAY
Ward unlocks his new apartment, belonged prior to his predecessor.
INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – DAY
Le-na visits him. She never takes a bath, to repel other residents.
Lena is a better girl, who avoids other residents, who are outcastes. She only does martial arts as an exercise, not actively planning to use it.
FIRST TURNING POINT: He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors. They start to be intimate. They take shower together, but he only does superficial sex.
MIDPOINT: His window is bulletproof, but door has space underneath. After knocking at his locked door didn’t help, residents put smoke via this opening. Ward then streams water outside.
SECOND TURNING POINT: When Ward unlocks the door, he claims sending report for Lena, to be liberated. When he refuses to liberate some freak, he gets shot down, Lena hurt, and his apartment robbed.
Lena gets terribly hurt, and can expect continuation.
CRISIS: Le-na awakes and is directed by Ward to splash acid on her mother, pick up report and send it.
In a need to physically protected herself, she destroys her adversary.
INT. ATTIC – DAY
As Lena sends report, there is girl newcomer descending from rooftop. They fight, Lena shoots her down, and is directed by Ward upstairs, where there is still a helicopter, which brought the girl.
To run away, she gets into fight with newcomer lady, and robs her of her gun.
CLIMAX: Le-na runs up to the pilot and deceives him, saying she was brought down to restricted zone by mistake. She promises him some payment!
RESOLUTION: EXT. HELICOPTER CABIN – EVENING
They take into air. Pilot asks for her address. “Quiet Street, Small House!” Le-na says. Pilot gets he was deceived. “Point gun at him!” says Ward’s voice. Le-na puts gun on him. His radio works, and Le-na screams for pilot. Man on that end of the line hears female voice.
ESCAPE story (above) as OPENING SCENE for Lena Outside of Reservation
(Lena Outside of Reservation, as a RESOLUTION to Escape story)
INCITING INCIDENT: INT. TECHNO STATION – EVENING
Le-na is picked up by high rang military. She recognizes him being special, and tries to pull shirt away from his back, to see if there isn’t body mark as well.
FIRST TURNING POINT: INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
They become intimate.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Servant rolls in table with refreshment and some wine bottles, as he gets astonished, seeing Le-na standing totally naked amid the room.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Two officers come to expose her lover. They have a moment and exchange names. He says, he’s a Son of Main Commander, which is his rang.
MIDPOINT: INT. HOTEL’S LOBBY – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander descends with Le-na into lobby. He directs her to wait him at the glass doors. And tries to place a phone call, but line is dead. “You will pay me for that! “ he says to hotel’s owner. And receives a blow.
EXT. RAINY STREET – NIGHT
Lena deliberately walks up to street’s corner, to free-phone booth, presses correct numbers, and receives support.
INT. HOSPITAL COMPARTMENT – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander awakes at a Hospital, saved by Le-na. They get enconters from nurse and some man, and lock inside. They unlock to the military bunch, and after some conflict, are saved by requested by him regiment.
EXT. AT HELICOPTERS – MORNING
As they are on the go to helicopter, saved by regiment, he arguments with regiment commander.
SECOND TURNING POINT: INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT.
As they are staying at the hotel, now a couple, he sits on bed in clothes. Le-na reacts and after pulling his socks away, washing her hands, picks up bottle and pushes inside sex organs. He catches at her and hits. “Why have you done it?” She explains, she no longer has blood (she’ s lacking, and he is indifferent). He laughs with joy, explaining that is a pregnancy.
Their activity is overlooked by man in bright lit window across the street. He threatens them, gesturing, and dresses up to go out.
CRISIS: INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander is encountered by Hotel’s owner, and then military dispatch. All tenants get out of their rooms. It appears, Hotel was stuffed with video cameras to observe tenants, by agreement of that man across the street and Hotel owner. As Son of Main Commander arguments matter with Commanding Officer, that one freaks out and gets tied up by his own soldiers. Soldiers get all lost, but one, who starts giving commands, by birth right!
CULMINATION:
One of cameras made video of something white in dark lobby. Hotel owner suddenly gets ill and is escorted to his room by two soldiers. Others search the rooms, and uncover body of ten years old daughter of Hotel owner. Tenant of that room dies right there, poisoning oneself till foam out of the mouth, and slides down the wall. After they turn away two technicians coming to pick up someone qualified as outcastes, real psychologist comes. He turns to be an aged man, experienced and talkative. He exchanges addresses with boy with shrieking voice, promises to distressed woman degree in psychology and new job.
RESOLUTION: INT. HOTEL ROOM – MORNING
Le-na again looks into window. There is wife of that man, now arrested, who shoots woman at hotel room near theirs.
Lens tries to manipulate her husband, at least his mood, at least with words.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Yet another hotel. They lie in bed as outside are sirens at the distance. He embraces her, tense. But cars run by.
RESOLUTION to PART 2, Wrapping Up: INT. FIGHTING ROOM – DAY
Their young military friend goes into grown up man, taking martial arts training.
INT. RESTRICTED ZONE – DAY
He endeavors to save a couple out of zone. As woman screams, closing her ears, hold by her man, he shoots back at a couple of people, shooting at him.
INT. TRIBUNAL – DAY
He gets sentenced. He doesn’t take it for real, but as a bad joke, as he really killed people. They then consent on him returning back to zone, now forever.
EXT. ROAD AND GRASS – DAY
Bus doors gets closed, and it leaves on its way.
INT. PRIVATE RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Le-na moves around the house, bearing sight of household, having kids, here and there, where they dropped clothes or toys, running for bus.
INT. GUESTROOM – DAY
Son of Main Commander sits as if thinking something over. Phone rings, but he doesn’t pick it up. Le-na awakes him from his thoughts. No, he not at all is going to go as a ward, this means imminent death. She worries, and starts to pull chain with pendant from her neck, as if to put on him as amulet, but he stops her.
He gets up, dons his military headwear and goes out. Le-na answers the phone. No, he is gone. She says.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE – DAY
He goes a distance away, then stops. Wind blows into his face. He Separates. Narrow opening with even edges separates front of his face in the middle. His facial expression doesn’t change. He keeps standing same pose.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
As sentenced ward, here incognito, discusses with their friend psychologist his couple he brought back from zone, passing exam now, and Le-na, who went crashed.
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Alice’s Characters Live!
What I learned from this is I maybe write too long descriptions. I tend to only give outlook.
INCITING INCIDENT:
Inspection of next candidate for a ward into restricted reservation.
Interview is conducted via radio, personality of inspector unseen.
WARD (54), heavy-build man with a beard, looking older of his age, perceptibly having a keen, so that one wishes go look for his scars, with which he went covered all over during his adventures, is such kind of men who move slowly, and then turn out to be good dancers.
VOICE
How long have you served as a WARD?
Long silence.
WARD
One and a half years.
Voice gets disturbed.
VOICE
On your last assignment, did you take someone out?
WARD
Three of them.
Voice gets even more disturbed.
VOICE
Did you pull them out immediately after your arrival?
WARD
I lost my assistant.
Voice calms down.
VOICE
You have a choice!
On not a big screen before Ward appears map, with three dots indicating habitations.
Ward considers them, faintly smiling, as he lightly works his fingers over his beard.
WARD
This ONE!
Hits one of them, a dot on digital screen.
INT. ZONE RESERVATION – DAY
Empty staircase inside of residential building.
Ward puts key into lock of the door into his new apartment, belonged previously to his predecessor. Jerks the door open.
It’s dark inside. Long, dark plush shades cover the windows.
On the floor a piece of paper. He picks it up.
It reads “I suicide!” To suicide on their slang means, previous ward decided to go shooting residents to protect someone.
Everywhere there are notes on stickers.
Note on shades says ‘Bullets don’t go through the window glass’.
Ward pulls shades aside.
All the window is dirtied from outside, apart from where they wiped huge “FUCK OFF”, seen from out of room mirrored, from right to left.
INT. WARD’S ROOM – DAY
Ward stands near window, and via clean glass observes LENA (17), moving across the yard in his direction. Lena bears slight resemblance to KIAT, only without that one’s sophistication. There is long skirt on her, dark with small flowers, falling till rather rubbed shoes, in which though it might be very useful to cross the yard. On top of her one might say, something is worn, dark, slimming, and with buttons. Other clothes are perceived to be under outer ones. Her dark hair falls freely, rather untidy, being obviously unwashed.
He waits till LENA enters.
WARD
You never wash?
LENA
Then they don’t approach.
WARD
But… you do wash your sex?
LENA
I tried not to, but…
WARD
That didn’t work out!
LENA
Yes.
WARD
But, they don’t know about it.
LENA
No.
Ward laughs good naturedly. Considers LENA, working his beard. Sheds words very gradually.
WARD
You know, I believe that we could concentrate on our studies better, if you would stay at my place for a while.
Pause.
WARD
What about your parents…
LENA
They are not my parents!
WARD
But, you was born inside of habitation.
LENA
Yes.
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Alice’s Dueling Agendas
What did you learn from this assignment?
I am afraid that it is too simplistic
Suggested steps:
1. Select two characters with competing agendas in a scene.
List their names along with each character’s traits and their
subtext above the scene.
Protagonist
Name: THANAKH
Traits: Suspicious, Respectful, Argumentative, Intelligent
Subtext: Research, observation
Name: Director of Research Institute
Traits: Nice exterior, politically correct, maybe corrupt, careerist
Subtext: self-centered
Antagonist
Name: ANAUPSH
Traits: Concealing, Crafty, Treacherous, Evasive
Subtext: Evil
2. Create a situation where those agendas would naturally
oppose each other.
Thanakh tries to convince Director to search labs, believing someone at RI is behind missing cases.
3. Write a high-speed outline of how the agendas can play out.
4. Write the scene in a free-flow, allowing the characters to
express their agendas fully.
5. Go back through and enhance each character’s agenda.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
THANAKH
People disappear at our place.
Director is moving around, pressing black sleeve of just donned jacket.
DIRECTOR (O.S.)
What you say?
DIRECTOR (54), tall, spectacular brunet, slightly bolding.
THANAKH
What you heard. They disappear after passing the gates. And never come back.
Looks at Director. Hesitates.
THANAKH (CONT’D)
One of them was my Lover.
Director comes behind the desk, leans over, and writes quickly on small blank. Stretches paper to Thanakh.
DIRECTOR
Here, take a sick leave.
Thanakh doesn’t move to take it.
DIRECTOR
There is security, no one supposes to come in the labs except those who work here.
THANAKH
This means, it is done by someone from the Institute.
DIRECTOR
Fuck away!
THANAKH
You are shitty dirty assed motherfucker!…
DIRECTOR
What are you talking about? I have difficulty even to be a director of such a huge place.
THANAKH
You cannot be a director. Banish everyone, and search the labs.
DIRECTOR
Did you ever had any problems with psyche?
THANAKH
I would think I’m mental, but I know who I am. I have degree in science, I am professor, know biology, physic-chemistry, and other sciences. Besides, I’ve seen in my life a lot, and I keep close control of myself.
They keep arguing, as seen through the door.
Anaupsh enters. She is in silk blue tunic dress.
DIRECTOR
Come in!
She sits down.
DIRECTOR
How is DEVELOPMENT?
ANAUPSH
Much better.
Thanakh’s look slowly slides from Anaupsh’s head with most strict expression on the face and shot cut heap of auburn hair down, over rather muscular body, as dress permits to see, bare arms and legs.
ANAUPSH
What are you looking at?
THANAKH
Just look, how strong your body is.
ANAUPSH
I work.
Thanakh looks down at her feet. There, stuck behind sandal, is something metallic.
THANAKH
What is it?
ANAUPSH
Oh, it’s nothing, it’s just a metallic plate. I took a vow to wear it for a period, and stick to it.
Anaupsh’s male assistant, loose aged guy, appears at the doorway, and sees not expected Thanakh down there.
MALE ASSISTANT
Is something wrong?
Anaupsh answers roughly not changing pose, without turning to look at him.
ANAUPSH
Come and see.
DIRECTOR
(to Thanakh)
Go.
THANAKH
Bye.
He leaves behind the door, where for a while keeps standing, observing scene inside, as they sit.
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Alice’s Subtext and Loglines
What I learned doing this assignment is I’m not very sure about it, feeling as in a boat on a rough sea, because I know I have subtext everywhere. But somehow it’s difficult to thread beads into one line.
Part 1
Antagonist
Name: ANAUPSH
Traits: Concealing, Crafty, Treacherous, Evasive
Subtext: Evil
Character Logline: Anaupsh is Head of Development lab who uses her position for her personal scientific endeavor to construct animated monsters from parts of human bodies, making workers of Research Institute be her victims, as she murders them one by one.
Possible areas of subtext: Playing innocent, hiding part of the lab from common view, planning deception and capture. Hiding, retrieving, erasing, and exchanging information on her lab works.
Protagonist
Name: THANAKH
Traits: Suspicious, Respectful, Argumentative, Intelligent
Subtext: Research, observation
Character Logline: Thanakh is a scientist, working as Head of the Lab at Research Institute who lost his girlfriend and must find out who is behind missing cases at RI to bring things to justice.
Possible areas of subtext: as he communicates here and there
Part 2
Name: WARD
Traits: Even-tempered, self-controlled, trained in martial arts, good at deciphering people
Subtext: Withholding, Sensual, Covering up, and Disguising
Character Logline: Ward, who goes inside of restricted reservations to bring back qualified, picks up LENA and is intended to liberate her. (Write report, and send her back, on helicopter).
Possible areas of subtext: Avoiding danger (other residents), pretending to reach his aim, planning actions, getting into fight
Name: Son of Main Commander
Traits: Highly intelligent, Has no illusion, is a Visionary, Obscure
Subtext: Diplomatic, Refined
Character Logline: Top Rank Military who accidentally picks up on LENA, gets attracted, and she becomes his partner.
Possible areas of subtext: at the dialogs in Hotel when they are reported. In his behavior and interactions with LENA.
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Alice’s characters
What I learned doing this assignment is
I always was terrible describing people, for this reason I am afraid of doing this assignment
Character Name: THANAKH
1. Basic character traits:
Thanakh is a scientist, working as Head of the Lab at Research Institute, talented, honest, reserved, and refined.
2. Want/Need
Wants to bring this event to conclusion, if possible to justice
Needs to uncover who is behind missing cases
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
That he, such a refined person, ended up in a pile of carnal bodies construction.
4. Secret:
He hides, how much he went wounded by it.
5. Flaw:
Idea that secret police might be behind it weakens him.
6. Special:
He’s different, being consciouss
Character Name: WARD
1. Basic character traits:
Ward who is supposed to bring qualified out of restricted reservations. He has military and martial arts training, is even-tempered and self-controlled, has a keen, and is good at deciphering people.
2. Want/Need
Wants to love LENA
Needs to send her safely out of reservation
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
He is so trained, but lets himself be shot point-blank
4. Secret:
They have been using weapon prior at reservations, to bring qualified out. This discredits him as a ward, and who he would recommend.
5. Flaw:
He weakens, meeting LENA, as she becomes also his lover, not just another better specimen to be brought outside. He stops to be impartial, and puts himself under fire.
6. Special:
He reappears in a spirit after he is shot, and guides LENA.
Character Name: Son of Main Commander
1. Basic character traits:
Son of Main Commander, is a rank, is high rank military, intelligent, independent, has no illusion, good with observations, and predicting, lives dramatic life.
2. Want/Need
Want: Higher Aspirations
Need: pass via civil war
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
He SEPARATES though there are no external reasons for that
4. Secret:
He himself?
5. Flaw:
Is incapable to step ahead as a ward
6. Special:
Is a visionary
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Alice’s Outline Version 1
MIROPOLIS
SEPARATION
Part 1
1. List the following key components of your story:
A. Concept:
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
B. Plot Choice:
7. The Riddle
9. Underdog
12. Transformation
C. Character Structure: Antagonist versus Protagonist
D. Lead Characters (*Name* is an *identity* who *does X in the story*.):
Protagonist: young talented scientist of Research Institute who’s girlfriend went missing, searching for who’ve done it
Antagonist: Anaupsh, head of development lab, who massacres RI workers to create animated monster
Protagonist #2 Judge who is to lead the process, finds Anaupsh guilty, proposes zones for outcastes, and Separates.
E. Dramatic Question: Creation of Zone at planet Miropolis
F. Main Conflict: social, in between of castes
G. Dilemma: of Protagonist #1 Would he find out, who’ve done it from those he works with?
H. Theme: Techno techno society, filtering of population, creation of zones, and self development
I. Character Arc of Lead Character (if any):
Protagonist#1
Part to be changed: He needs to find out, who’ve done it, and what happened?
Biggest fear: His biggest fear is what he sees in Anaupsh’s his lab
Completion of arc: His example as martyr changes social structure of the West. For separate-able humanity.
J. Structure of your screenplay (9 beats, one sentence each):
1. Opening
Representation (Visuals) of how SEPARATION (an artificial nano death, insinuated by signal from human brain of the bearer, whereas face and chest are separated symmetrically by vertical line), works. Inside perspective. Life stream as if moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
2. Inciting Incident
Protagonist returns from weekend spent offshore, and receives phone call from Director of Research Institute with urgent assignment. As he works on it, he encounters erased file that is exactly report for Anaupsh’s lab.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
This is going to be on the ground of Research Institute, where Anaupsh massacres its workers. But that’s also at another planet, named MIROPOLIS, and has to do with advanced science and discrimination of castes.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
His girlfriend is missing amid lab personnel. “ Where is Kiat?”
5. Mid-Point
Journalist brother of Protagonist streams confusing news to illustrate the case of people missing on the ground of Research Institute.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Protagonist gets contacted by secret service officer.
7. Crisis
Protagonist gets massacred. Officers who contacted him shot.
8. Climax
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium and lets monsters, created by her in a lab out, to float up to the sky. Aerial dispatch destroys it.
9. Resolution
Scandalous process. Judge gives a speech and separates right at the court.
Upstart with residences for outcastes.
Part 2
1. List the following key components of your story:
A. Concept:
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
B. Plot Choice:
5. Escape
9. Underdog
13. Maturation
C. Character Structure: Romantic or Dramatic Triangle
D. Lead Characters (*Name* is an *identity* who *does X in the story*.):
LENA, girl born inside of restricted reservation who runaways from it
WARD, who picks up at Le-na to liberate her
Son of Main Commander, top military who picks up Le-na outside and falls in love with her
E. Dramatic Question: How Miropolis would do with zones
F. Main Conflict: In between of advanced vision and old ways
G. Dilemma: How to bring qualified back from zone, or accommodate them outside
H. Theme: Liberation
I. Character Arc of Lead Character (if any):
WARD
What he wants: to love LENA
What he needs: to send her safely outside
LENA
Part to be changed: She wants to runaway, be liberated
Biggest fear: There is now here to run, no action to save it
Completion of arc: She reaches what she could’ve desire but crashes
J. Structure of your screenplay (9 beats, one sentence each):
1. Opening
Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
2. Inciting Incident
Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
MIROPOLIS seventy years after they started with zones.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
Ward meets Le-na .
5. Mid-Point
He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Ward is shot down.
7. Crisis
Le-na burns her stepmother who came back to kill her with acid from the barrel.
8. Climax
Le-na deposits report, fights her way via girl, picks up a gun, and deceives helicopter pilot.
9. Resolution
Le-na is picked up by high rang military.
ESCAPE story (above) as OPENING SCENE for Lena Outside of Reservation
(Lena Outside of Reservation, as a RESOLUTION to Escape story)
2. Inciting Incident: Lena tries to pull up his shirt, to check, if he is “marked” as maybe all special people from outside.
3. By “page 10”, you know, what the movies is about: it is now about Lena and Son of Main Commander evolving relationship
4. First Turning Point: They get intimate (Hotel #1)
5. Midpoint: His blackout.
6. Second Turning Point: Lena appears to be pregnant.
7. Crisis: They again are exposed (military come, as he is military), (Hotel#2, amid crowd)
8. Culmination: They discover dead body of ten years old daughter of hotel owner.
9. Resolution: They are in the room again. Woman across the street shoots another tenant. Absurd.
10 (9) RESOLUTION for the Part 2: Their young military friend gets matured, and gets sentenced as a ward who used weapon inside of habitation on civil ones. Son of Main Commander SEPARATES.
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Alice’s Pass 10: Essence Only
What I learned is I went amazed at how many inconsistencies there were in descriptions of scenes content. Mostly it could be reworked into more direct way. However, to work on a single scene, I would look up my longer description, as it reminds me details of that scene.
I could not remake all of it, as those scenes are not yet solved.
Part 1
1. Make your outline readable:
A. Sluglines tell us the location.
B. Place a one or two sentence description of what happens
in each scene that delivers the essence of that scene.
2. Post your outline to the group. Include each of these:
A. Your logline.
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
B. Dramatic Question: How techno society transits into new way of life
C. Main Conflict: In between of layers and castes of techno society
D. Dilemma: How to make a transition, or how transition would look like
E. Theme: Techno techno society, filtering of population, creation of zones
F. The entire outline showing ALL of your scenes in the movie.
OPENING SCENE:
Representation (Visuals) of how SEPARATION (an artificial nano death, insinuated by signal from human brain of the bearer, whereas face and chest are separated symmetrically by vertical line), works. Inside perspective. Life stream as if moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
EXT. TOP OF RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Fishing at the basin on the rooftop. Protagonist #2 family is introduced.
EXT. ON A PLANE
North of Planet MIROPOLIS. Protagonist #1 and his girlfriend Kiat are on a plane, coming home from weekend. Plane is crossing sea from resort area to West Shore.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Protagonist #1 receives assignment to prepare for Monday.
INCITING INCIDENT:
File with data from Anaupsh’s lab is damaged.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Hero takes night ride to Research Institute to recover damaged file.
EXT. BEFORE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Front of Research Institute (RI is introduced)
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Lobby is guarded.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
Hero recovers file, but printer lacks paper.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Getting paper from corridor cabinet, Hero encounters night watch man.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
Kiat sends him a message via radiophone. “I love you”
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm man, one of small lab workers, is introduced.
INT. OFFICE – MORNING
Hero expects Kiat to come.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Hero accidentally passes by Anapush on the way of speaking on report.
FIRST TURNING POINT:
Hero notices his girlfriend’s absence.
INT. BACK ROOM – MORNING
Kiat is brutally murdered.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Hero tries to reach Kiat by phone.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Hero keeps missing her.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero visits Kiat’s apartment and attempts to find out about her from her neighbor.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Second attempt. Her neighbor is not collaborative.
INT. KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Police breaks into apartment to find money, clothes, and documents intact. But don’t find enough reasons for missing case.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
As Protagonist addresses Research Institute workers for support, other missing cases come out.
INT. RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Protagonist attempts to recover one of missing people by visiting his apartment.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Hero is visited by man, searching for his wife who was working at Hero’s lab.
INT. SOCIAL SERVICES – EVENING
Hero lingers to contact Secret Service.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero attempts to contact his ropes.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Hero tries to persuade Director of RI to search labs. Director drops out of it for meeting with Anaupsh.
EXT. BEFORE DIRECTOR’S – DAY
Hero is shown leaving. City Street.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director gets murdered by Anaupsh’s assistant so that she would wipe out files with info on her lab work.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist learns of Director’s disappearance.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero attempts to contact Director by phone.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Protagonist #2 family. To go fishing, or stay with family.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
Protagonist #2 family.
INT. LOBBY – EVENING
Hero notices night watch man is gone.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – DAY
Protagonist gets refused by policeman on account there are not enough of proofs people went missed.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist warns workers against area of local labs at Research Institute.
INT. LIBRARY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – DAY
Protagonist accidentally runs on Anaupsh. He notices there is nor metallic plate stuck in her sandal any longer, which was electronic key she opened Director’s comp with.
INT. RI’S CORRIDOR OF HERO’S DREAM – NIGHT
Horrible dream about RI corridors.
INT. HERO’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Hero awakes.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm man gets late as his alarm clock went broken.
EXT. BEFORE THE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Protagonist warns alarm man against suspicious area, which is his home area.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
Alarm man is captured. This is witnessed by one scientist. They go with murdering him, but man has time to Separate. They cannot use his body, and must cover it up somehow differently.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Protagonist’s friend mentions, he’s missing lab’s Head.
EXT. TRAIN STATION – EVENING
Protagonists friend is watched, as he is to board a train.
INT. TRAIN – EVENING
He boards train, deceived.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – EVENING
Protagonist is refused by police officer on account of his “better position”.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – EVENING
Protagonist recognizes his friend is gone.
INT. HERO’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Someone comes to Hero’s apartment at night.
MIDPOINT
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls his acquaintance at Secret Service, demanding they would say if missing cases were their job.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Protagonist visits his brother. He happens to be a journalist.
EXT. POLICE CAR – NIGHT
Police watches them over distance, listening to conversation with antenna.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT
Protagonist relates to his brother about missing cases.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
TV news. “In one of huge institutions people get disappear in one of the area of the lab works” Judge remarks that’s where his sister works.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero watches the news.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Journalist calls his brother to learn of impression. Hero is dissatisfied, saying, his report was misleading at broadcast.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh answers the phone.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge drops it down, hearing her voice, as he cannot stand her.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh’s assistant turns attention on herself, as that one remarks on the case. This sexy girl who always was so unreachable at meetings appears to be very naïve.
INT. VIEW OF CLOSET FROM INSIDE – DAY
She gets pranked by her boyfriend who places a date with her.
INT. CAFE – NIGHT
Girl is waiting for him, but he doesn’t turn out.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
As she leaves café, she is lured by Anaupsh in her vehicle, where there is her boyfriend, already killed.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
They pass by night guard, posing her boyfriend as drunk.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – NIGHT
Anaupsh proposes as if to restore him and girl sees construction from parts of human bodies before dropping on a floor. Anaupsh’s male assistant is not to pass such a specimens unnoticed.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
In result of broadcast, control group, in amount of one aged man and young lady is sent by organization to check at what is happening at Research Institute.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
As Anaupsh gets uncovered, her assistants capture both people from control group.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
They both are beaten up, unconscious.
INT. SOME LAB – DAY
Hero starts searching through labs, followed by his lab’s workers.
INT. DYNAMICS LAB – EVENING
Two guys in this lab do carry guns. They assure Hero they don’t lock the doors making a trap.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – MORNING
Protagonist discovers both weapon men from Dynamics Lab are gone.
SECOND TURNING POINT:
Protagonist gets contacted by secret service officer. He affirms they also lost a number of people on Institute’s ground, and that he was afraid to pass inside.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Secret Service officers receive indications from above not to do much about the case.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – EVENING
Strolling along, Protagonist looks into open lab and sees there girl assistant of Anaupsh rummaging through documents. She says she had to sort that out.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Walking past Anaupsh’s lab, Protagonist can hear noise behind the wall, something knocks. He is surprised.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Night guard confirms everyone from that lab are gone for the night.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – MORNING
Hero waits for Anaupsh to come, to check her lab. She lets him in, saying it’s development nocking.
CRISIS:
She opens back room for him, and he can see huge animated construction, composed from human bodies, managed by DNA exchange. He recognizes it here and there. Passes out.
EXT. BACK STREET – EVENING
Officer who came to RI calls his top officer, saying, scientist does not answer his calls. He drops the phone and turns to go away, but is shot from behind a corner out of vehicle.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets notified, his employee went arrested for interest in this case. He is stunned. Upon consideration, exits office via back door.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets out, considers cars nearby, walks down, and is shot from behind.
CLIMAX:
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium. Two scientists at presidium get alarmed, but Anaupsh smartly lets her creation into outside world, to float at the sky. They sound alarm then.
EXT. CITY SCAPE – EVENING
Judge’s son witnesses monsters in the sky as he strolls fishing, falling from the edge of the roof in effect, encountered by helicopter, as aircraft dispatch destroys monsters spreading point-direct atomic weapon.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
His son supports him, says to hold on.
INT. COURT – DAY
As Judge heads ahead to preside, hate is manifested toward him. Everyone blames Anaupsh, and yet believes they would let her clean.
RESOLUTION:
Judge sentences Anaupsh, and proposes creation of zones, to preserve society. He Separates under psychic attack, after what his subtle body walks out of court room.
EXT. SITY STREET – DAY
Journalist brother of late scientist watches street screens, streaming phenomenon. He immediately recognizes, zones are to be created.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
His son gets photo session for magazine.
INT. EDITORIAL OFFICE – NIGHT
Late Protagonist’s journalist brother gets criticized by his editor. What would people think of Separation after reading “Man after Separating, walked along the ail?”
RESOLUTION:
People with strict faces are at building construction, meant for outcastes.
“First Social Services were doing it, then when jails went full, they got that wasn’t enough, and called in military…”
Part 2
1. Make your outline readable:
A. Sluglines tell us the location.
B. Place a one or two sentence description of what happens
in each scene that delivers the essence of that scene.
2. Post your outline to the group. Include each of these:
A. Your logline.
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
B. Dramatic Question: How society survives with castes and zones
C. Main Conflict: In between of old ways and new ways
D. Dilemma: How to bring qualified back from zones
E. Theme: Liberation
F. The entire outline showing ALL of your scenes in the movie.
OPENING SCENE: Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
INCITING INCIDENT: Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
INT. RESIDENTIAL ZONE – DAY
Ward unlocks his new apartment, belonged prior to his predecessor.
INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – DAY
Le-na visits him. She never takes a bath, to repel other residents.
FIRST TURNING POINT: He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors. They start to be intimate. They take shower together, but he only does superficial sex.
MIDPOINT: His window is bulletproof, but door has space underneath. After knocking at his locked door didn’t help, residents put smoke via this opening. Ward then streams water outside.
SECOND TURNING POINT: When Ward unlocks the door, he claims sending report for Lena, to be liberated. When he refuses to liberate some freak, he gets shot down, Lena hurt, and his apartment robbed.
CRISIS: Le-na awakes and is directed by Ward to splash acid on her mother, pick up report and send it.
INT. ATTIC – DAY
As Lena sends report, there is girl newcomer descending from rooftop. They fight, Lena shoots her down, and is directed by Ward upstairs, where there is still a helicopter, which brought the girl.
CLIMAX: Le-na runs up to the pilot and deceives him, saying she was brought down to restricted zone by mistake. She promises him some payment!
RESOLUTION: EXT. HELICOPTER CABIN – EVENING
They take into air. Pilot asks for her address. “Quiet Street, Small House!” Le-na says. Pilot gets he was deceived. “Point gun at him!” says Ward’s voice. Le-na puts gun on him. His radio works, and Le-na screams for pilot. Man on that end of the line hears female voice.
ESCAPE story (above) as OPENING SCENE for Lena Outside of Reservation
(Lena Outside of Reservation, as a RESOLUTION to Escape story)
INCITING INCIDENT: INT. TECHNO STATION – EVENING
Le-na is picked up by high rang military. She recognizes him being special, and tries to pull shirt away from his back, to see if there isn’t body mark as well.
FIRST TURNING POINT: INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
They become intimate.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Servant rolls in table with refreshment and some wine bottles, as he gets astonished, seeing Le-na standing totally naked amid the room.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Two officers come to expose her lover. They have a moment and exchange names. He says, he’s a Son of Main Commander, which is his rang.
MIDPOINT: INT. HOTEL’S LOBBY – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander descends with Le-na into lobby. He directs her to wait him at the glass doors. And tries to place a phone call, but line is dead. “You will pay me for that! “ he says to hotel’s owner. And receives a blow.
INT. HOSPITAL COMPARTMENT – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander awakes at a Hospital, saved by Le-na. They get enconters from nurse and some man, and lock inside. They unlock to the military bunch, and after some conflict, are saved by requested by him regiment.
EXT. AT HELICOPTERS – MORNING
As they are on the go to helicopter, saved by regiment, he arguments with regiment commander.
SECOND TURNING POINT: INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT.
As they are staying at the hotel, now a couple, he sits on bed in clothes. Le-na reacts and after pulling his socks away, washing her hands, picks up bottle and pushes inside sex organs. He catches at her and hits. “Why have you done it?” She explains, she no longer has blood (she’ s lacking, and he is indifferent). He laughs with joy, explaining that is a pregnancy.
Their activity is overlooked by man in bright lit window across the street. He threatens them, gesturing, and dresses up to go out.
CRISIS: INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander is encountered by Hotel’s owner, and then military dispatch. All tenants get out of their rooms. It appears, Hotel was stuffed with video cameras to observe tenants, by agreement of that man across the street and Hotel owner. As Son of Main Commander arguments matter with Commanding Officer, that one freaks out and gets tied up by his own soldiers. Soldiers get all lost, but one, who starts giving commands, by birth right!
CULMINATION:
One of cameras made video of something white in dark lobby. Hotel owner suddenly gets ill and is escorted to his room by two soldiers. Others search the rooms, and uncover body of ten years old daughter of Hotel owner. Tenant of that room dies right there, poisoning oneself till foam out of the mouth, and slides down the wall. After they turn away two technicians coming to pick up someone qualified as outcastes, real psychologist comes. He turns to be an aged man, experienced and talkative. He exchanges addresses with boy with shrieking voice, promises to distressed woman degree in psychology and new job.
RESOLUTION: INT. HOTEL ROOM – MORNING
Le-na again looks into window. There is wife of that man, now arrested, who shoots woman at hotel room near theirs.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Yet another hotel. They lie in bed as outside are sirens at the distance. He embraces her, tense. But cars run by.
RESOLUTION to PART 2, Wrapping Up: INT. FIGHTING ROOM – DAY
Their young military friend goes into grown up man, taking martial arts training.
INT. RESTRICTED ZONE – DAY
He endeavors to save a couple out of zone. As woman screams, closing her ears, hold by her man, he shoots back at a couple of people, shooting at him.
INT. TRIBUNAL – DAY
He gets sentenced. He doesn’t take it for real, but as a bad joke, as he really killed people. They then consent on him returning back to zone, now forever.
EXT. ROAD AND GRASS – DAY
Bus doors gets closed, and it leaves on its way.
INT. PRIVATE RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Le-na moves around the house, bearing sight of household, having kids, here and there, where they dropped clothes or toys, running for bus.
INT. GUESTROOM – DAY
Son of Main Commander sits as if thinking something over. Phone rings, but he doesn’t pick it up. Le-na awakes him from his thoughts. No, he not at all is going to go as a ward, this means imminent death. She worries, and starts to pull chain with pendant from her neck, as if to put on him as amulet, but he stops her.
He gets up, dons his military headwear and goes out. Le-na answers the phone. No, he is gone. She says.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE – DAY
He goes a distance away, then stops. Wind blows into his face. He Separates. Narrow opening with even edges separates front of his face in the middle. His facial expression doesn’t change. He keeps standing same pose.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
As sentenced ward, here incognito, discusses with their friend psychologist his couple he brought back from zone, passing exam now, and Le-na, who went crashed.
-
Alice’s Meaningful Action
What I learned doing this assignment is when you remake it, you start questioning other scenes.
INT. SECOND FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Platinum alone stands on top of the white steps of staircase construction.
Guards call him, being at Second Floor.
LENSOR
Platinum! Where are your workers?
PLATINUM
We have a break. My father, you know, mine and Crystal, told me a story. Once he was in love with a woman. Then, she disappeared. And he became desperate. Wherever his look would fall, he would draw her initials. Time was running, and he couldn’t get out of his surrounding, as apple cannot dis-attach from the brunch on its own accord. Finally, the woman was gone. No, it was not that lady he used to adore, and she probably lost most of her qualities. And he wasn’t grieving much. But after a while, he noticed that he doesn’t want to inscribe her initials anymore. Because physical meeting was not possible. She was gone. I couldn’t see, why he told me this, even though I could get all his feelings. But now, when we are in this underground, where we will see each other forever, unless it would become really aggravated…
SILICIUM
Isn’t it aggravated enough already?
PLATINUM
Yes! But you can’t imagine how long we prepared. We discussed this for ages. We searched the map, picked up this underground. It was as if made for us! They couldn’t tell us “Take more people!” because there would be no place to put them. Few stupid women to conduct the surgery, if such would be required, and we are fine. Your appearance was a miracle.
LENSOR
Yeah!
PLATINUM
So only now, when we are here, I understand why he told me this. It seems to me that this apple, which can’t dis-attach itself from the brunch, is our planet. And that all those ladies we adore, would be gone, and we won’t have to inscribe their initials!
All three keep silence for a while.
PLATINUM
I knew that! When you called me, I knew, I would relate you this story, which isn’t mine. And that you will be silent! Never had such a feeling of futility prior. Don’t tell my workers though! I only proposed this staircase to occupy with something.
LENSOR
All right!
PLATINUM
Don’t tell your father either!
Platinum goes downward, back to construction.
LENSOR
I wonder, what lady would inscribe my initials?
SILICIUM
What about Eternal? If she really is so, she must survive this!
LENSOR
I think of the apple, which cannot dis-attach itself from the brunch!
SILICIUM
I’m not that much of a philosopher.
LENSOR
Me neither! Let’s go, ask Keepers! Come, come!
He’s urging Silicium after oneself, as he directs his steps to the Keepers’ Room.
INT. KEEPERS ROOM – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium go inside of the room.
Room is dark.
Black and white images of a video are poured by projector upon the screen.
Monotonous voice accompanies a documental.
LECTURER (V.O.)
“And so, they tried to overdone it, and they succeeded, up to the point to the possibility of kid being born steady and live without a head.”
Image of a headless baby on the screen.
LECTURER (V.O.)
“So it was going on for a while, till they did find ways to alleviate it with a medicine to be consumed every hour by a pregnant woman, even from the moment of conception.”
LENSOR
I knew it!
Lensor removes himself outside.
Quartz switches video off.
SILICIUM
It’s not for a fourteen years old girl!
Gilding appears from the dark, where she was sitting on the chair near Diamond.
GIDING
It’s my fault! I asked to watch a video!
MAGNESIUM
I’m sorry! It’s not “educational video” we hoped for, but it was marked as such. Maybe, it was put there on purpose. I don’t know about educational side of it, but… what do you think?
DIAMOND
I only knew we must consume the medicine!
GILDING
I always thought it is inevitable!
MAGNESIUM
What? Death? Life? Love? Childbirth?
GILDING
To consume it!
MAGNESIUM
You are naive! Naive, and never will know, how to live without this sidewalk. Strange side to the Love!
SILICIUM
Love is sweet! How strange it is to think that some people don’t know it!
DIAMOND
Like who?
CARBON
Like Disheveled.
Carbon approaches Diamond, caresses her, stroking her hair.
CARBON
Don’t be afraid, I’m not the one to rape you!
Carbon goes out.
Lime appears at the doorway.
LIME
What have you been doing?
A BIT LATER
SILICIUM
Don’t be so sensitive!
LENSOR
Oh, I’m pretty sentimental!
SILICIUM
Then I am romanticized!
Platinum at the yard climbs staircase, in a middle of construction. He’s below the level of Second Platform.
PLATINUM
Lensor! Guards! Did you tell that?
Lensor shakes his head negatively, to say “No”.
SILICIUM
I’ll go to him! Thanks God, Carbon is coming!
Silicium follows after Carbon down to the Basement.
INT. YARD – AFTERNOON
Carbon goes down the staircase, toward Platinum.
PLATINUM
What is it?
CARBON
Watched “educational video’, so called.
SILICIUM
There is this image of headless kid!
PLATINUM
You had to call me!
CARBON
You was occupying with your fucking staircase!
PLATINUM
Who watched it?
CARBON
Both girls did!
Platinum hits staircase with his boots.
INT. KEEPERS ROOM – AFTERNOON
HYDRO
What happened?
QUARTZ
Ask Platinum. This video was marked as “No Watch”!
HYDRO
Why did you put it on?
INT. TOP FLOOR, BEFORE SILICIUM’S ROOM – AFTERNOON
CAMEO
Diamond! Diamond!
DIAMOND (O.S.)
Don’t come in!
CAMEO
Diam!
Cameo throws the ball over the wall.
-
Alice’s Elevated Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is that
A. Is there a different setting that would either contrast or
support the purpose even more?
&
F. Can you improve the way this scene is set up in previous scenes
Suffers
1. Select at least three (3) scenes in your Beat Sheet that you’d like to improve.
Three scenes with Identifier are to be exchanged, where they Find Info, discover broken Link, and Crack it, and Copy Data.
2. Tell us the purpose of each scene you are improving.
They search for info to uncover mystery of their habitation.
As Star works on Identifier she notices a link about planetary areas. When she cracks it, they learn their shelter is one of first places to be enclosed for time machine, A sign of imminent danger.
So they decide to Copy Data, an all-knowledge database, given to their planet by Higher Civilization, so that Stone who leaves Spinner would take it with him, and preserve it.
3. Give us the “before and after” of the beats you improve.
Before
50.INT. SECOND PLATFORM – DAY
Keepers, Star and Lensor go down to Identifier’s place.
61.INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star notices link on research of planetary areas, their subject, which she cannot open.
63.INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star shows Keepers broken link, and they decide it is to be cracked for info.
66.INT. ROOM OF IDENTIFIER – EVENING
Star puts identification program to work.
After
50.INT. SECOND PLATFORM – DAY
Star works on IDENTIFIER, searching for Info on their habitation.
61.INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star notices link on research of planetary areas, their subject, which she cannot open.
63.INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star shows Keepers broken link, and they decide it is to be cracked for info.
65. INT. IDENTIFIER ROOM – DAY
Star shows Keepers link’s content. Their shelter is one of first places to be unreachable in a future, as discovered during time machine experiment. That is a sign of Imminent Death.
66. INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – DAY
Board discusses necessity to Copy Data for Stone, so that he would bring it to Another Planet, Slider, and save it.
67. INT. IDENTIFIER ROOM – DAY
Star carries Keeper’s order, and heads for initial Database where knowledge is kept.
69.INT. ROOM OF IDENTIFIER – EVENING
Star puts Identification program to work, to Identify with Database.
4. Give us the updated Beat Sheet with the improvements you’ve made.
Act 1 & Act 2
1.EXT. COSMIC SPACE – NIGHT
Cosmic view of the planet REVOZVRANDER.
2.EXT. COSMIC SPACE – NIGHT
Revozvrander under snow, quickly turning.
3.EXT. ON THE GROUND – DAY
Snow landscape. Suddenly it gets burned. Huge stallion escapes into flames away from the planet.
4.EXT. FANTASTIC LANDSCAPE – DAY
Magnet’s crazy dream as predicament of future, as planet gets destroyed.
5.INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Magnet awakes at her bedroom she shares with her husband Crystallon.
6.EXT. FROZEN PLANE NEAR WOODS – AFTERNOON
Medieval scene, as they dig first shelter in the ground, warned by a witch of its dark doom.
7.INT. CEREMONY ROOM – AFTERNOON
Techno time. Wedding ceremony of Prince Agan.
8.INT. AGAN’S PLACE – AFTERNOON
They mourn Agan’s recent girl.
9.EXT. CEMETERY – AFTERNOON
Burial. Keepers Quartz and Lime, Hydro, and Lensor, get introduced.
10.INT. UNKNOWN LOCATIONS – DAY
Secret talk of Unknown Official, Unknown Military, and Unknown Rank Man.
11.INT. STAR’S ROOM UPSTAIRS – DAY
Star hides her hacking devices, to go.
12.INT. CRYSTAL’S ROOM UPSTAIRS – DAY
Crystal drinks pregnancy medicine.
13.INT. GATHERING ROOM – DAY
Platinum and Magnet disassemble IDENTIFIER, naming its parts. Keeper Quartz receives a phone call. They found one more guard for their group upon his request.
14.INT. CAFETERIA – DAY
Crystallon watches last news in the cafeteria.
15.EXT. SIDE ROAD – DAY
Silicium and Diamond arrive. Abalone Shell lets them inside.
16.INT. CORRIDOR AND LOBBY – DAY
Quartz welcomes Silicium and Diamond. Lensor and Tandem introduce oneself to new Guard. Diamond get acquainted with Cameo and Gilding.
17.INT. OFFICE – DAY
Crystallon returns. Tells Quartz of Stone in the news.
18.INT. LAB IN LIVING ROOM – DAY
Abalone Shell fights with his disgusting partner, Disheveled woman Omnivol.
19.INT. GATHERING ROOM – DAY
They watch snow falling.
20.INT. AT THE ELEVATORS – EVENING
All people go to elevators to take them down to underground habitation. Guards travel by the cargo one.
21.INT. ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS
As elevator arrives and they open the door, it is all dark. Star is first to get out, and reports something is wrong down there.
22.INT. ROOM OF SILICIUM – NIGHT
Quartz follows Silicium into his room without him acknowledging that. Gives him strange prophecy.
23.INT. KEEPERS’ ROOM – NIGHT
Cameo vomits. Lensor crashes insect in crystals cluster, streaming lights.
24.INT. MAGNET’S ROOM – NIGHT
Magnet and Crystallon speak, mentioning death and Eternity.
25.INT. CORRIDOR ON TOP – NIGHT
Platinum bangs on the door of his room after he seen hallucination.
26.INT. PEPENDICULAR CORRIDOR ON SECOND FLOOR – NIGHT
Lensor and Silicium put electricity through all the night.
27.INT. CARBON’S DREAM – NIGHT
Carbon dreams of explosion.
28.EXT. RECOLLECTION – DAY
Recollection. Summer. Green grass. Carbon trains Gold’s son Pebble.
29.INT. OLD ELEVATOR ROCK PLATFORM ON TOP FLOOR – MORNING
Keepers and Guards observe old elevator.
30.INT. TOP PLATFORM – MORNING
Keepers and Lensor walk down the platform, discussing anomaly of the place.
31.INT. ROOM OF OMNIVOL – MORNING
Omnivol in her Room.
32.INT. SECOND FLOOR – MORNING
Lensor discusses Abalone Shell.
33.INT. TOP FLOOR – MORNING
Gold babysits Rami and Pebble. Rami asks about bat on top of elevator.
34.INT. ROOM OF OMNIVOL – MORNING
Disheveled discuss the place.
35.INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – MORNING
Board discussion.
36.INT. TOP PLATFORM – DAY
Common Gathering. Mindless refuse idea to exchange their shelter.
37.INT. TOP PLATFORM – DAY
Keepers decide to find info about their underground shelter.
38.INT. TOP FLOOR – DAY
They install IDENTIFIER.
39.INT. ROOM OF SILICIUM – AFTERNOON
Silicium talks to Diamond and Gilding. It’s a bit risky talk.
40.INT. OMNIVOL’S ROOM – DAY
Omnivol questions Identifier’s installation.
41.INT. BASEMENT – DAY
Tandem comes down to basement to speak with Omnivol, and notices piece of magma on her table.
42.INT. TOP PLATFORM – DAY
Tandem addresses Keeper Lime about Omnivol.
43.INT. YARD – AFTERNOON
Man gambling.
44.INT. ROOM OF OMNIVOL – NIGHT
Omnivol banishes rest of Disheveled behind the doors.
45.INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Lime descends to check upon her.
46.INT. TOP FLOOR – NIGHT
Magnet walking top platform.
47. INT. OMNIVOL’S ROOM – NIGHT
Omnivol tells Abalone Shell of her discovery.
48.INT. OFFICE – MORNING
Quartz calls Stone over the phone. Stone is to leave Revozvrander for Another Planet Spinner on spacecraft.
49.INT. ROOM OF OMNIVOL – AFTERNOON
Omnivol mentions Disheveled circle she wants Cameo be sucrificed for the sake of experiment.
50.INT. SECOND PLATFORM – DAY
Star works on IDENTIFIER, searching for Info on their habitation.
51.INT. PLATFORM – MORNING
Platinum, Carbon and Tandem build additional staircase.
52.INT. DINNING ROOM – DAY
Blond Disheveled escapes dining room to steal pregnancy medicine from Crystal’s room.
53.INT. CRYSTAL’S ROOM – AFTERNOON
Crystal notices pregnancy medicine disappearance, but is saved by Platinum.
54.INT. TOP PLATFORM – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium talk, observing commotion.
55.INT. TOP PLATFPRM – DAY
Quartz picks up Video to watch.
56.INT. TOP PLATFORM BEFORE KEEPER’S ROOM – DAY
Teens go into Keepers’ room to watch video, as women gather at the Second Floor at Mindless Headquarters.
57.INT. SECOND FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium talk to Platinum, who relates them an allegory.
58.INT. KEEPERS ROOM – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium enter Keepers’ room right at the moment when video showcases image of headless child.
59.INT. YARD – AFTERNOON
Carbon and Silicium discuss all of it with Platinum.
60.INT. ROOM OF SILICIUM – AFTERNOON
Cameo tries to console Diamond.
61.INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star notices link on research of planetary areas, their subject, which she cannot open.
62.INT. YARD – AFTERNOON
As Carbon and Silicium discuss all of it with Platinum, he is called upstairs.
63.INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star shows Keepers broken link, and they decide it is to be cracked for info.
64.INT. CRYSTAL’S ROOM – EVENING
Crystal tells Magnesium of predicament she feels, not to give any birth.
65. INT. IDENTIFIER ROOM – DAY
Star shows Keepers link’s content. Their shelter is one of first places to be unreachable in a future, as discovered during time machine experiment. That is a sign of Imminent Death.
66. INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – DAY
Board discusses necessity to Copy Data for Stone, so that he would bring it to Another Planet, Slider, and save it.
67. INT. IDENTIFIER ROOM – DAY
Star carries Keeper’s order, and heads for initial Database where knowledge is kept.
68.INT. SECOND FLOOR – EVENING
Lime decides to put all kid together for the night.
69.INT. ROOM OF IDENTIFIER – EVENING
Star puts Identification program to work, to Identify with Database.
70.INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – NIGHT
Quartz shows Lime and Hydro information on underground he discovered in printouts. Omnivol tries to reach Identifier, but is caught and turned away.
71.INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Magnet in a shower.
72.INT. ROOM OF PLATINUM AND TANDEM – NIGHT
Platinum and Gilding before intercourse.
73.INT. LIME’S DREAM – NIGHT
Lime’s allegorical dream featuring his distant lover.
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Alice’s Pass #8: Clichè Busting!
What I learned during this assignment is
I don’t have any clishe, or if I do, I don’t know where they are
However some scenes seems to me generic, simply because I know I don’t have their solution
For example, recognizing someone is gone. The way I see it it seems boring
Or visit to Police Office
1. First, go through your outline and identify any scenes that you’ve seen
in another movie or that feel familiar.
Hero goes to Police Office
Hero notices security guard disappearance
2. Select at least one of those scenes for this assignment (If you claim
you don’t have any clichè scenes, then select a scene that you want
improved) and list it like this:
RI security guard
Police Office #1
Police Office #2
3. Then list the purpose. What are you trying to accomplish with that scene?
PURPOSE: Hero needs to address police, who refuse him
4. Brainstorm 5 to 25 other ways to accomplish that purpose.
A. First visit, he might be refused by Police Officer who asks if he turned with it to Director of RI, and squeeze his shoulders hearing that one is gone.
B. His second visit might be more dramatic, he is refused upon social statement.
This way two visits won’t repeat each other.
5. Use the three criteria to make your selection.
A. Does it fulfill the purpose/meaning that is important to me?
B. Is it a significant departure from the clichè scene?
C. Does it accomplish the purpose in a fresh and surprising way that
will entertain audiences?
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Alice’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains
What I learned doing this assignment is
There are so many setups and payoffs in my screenplay
They are sequential, meaningful, or associative
1. List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.
SP CHAIN 1: What is Separation
Setup: Opening Scene with Representation of Separation
Payoff 1: Judge Separates at the court, Resolution
Payoff 2: Son of Commander Separates, final Resolution
SP CHAIN 2: Creation of Zones
Setup: Resolution at the Court brings to creation of zones for outcastes
Payoff 1: Escape/ Lena story, when zones are created
SP CHAIN 3: Connection in between of Judge and what happened at RI
Setup: His Son has a habit of fishing at the basin on roof top
Payoff 1: As he goes fishing, he sees monsters floating, and falls from roof’s edge
SP CHAIN 4: Crime with jealousy
Setup: Anaupsh passes by Protagonist
Payoff 1: Kills his girlfriend
Payoff 2: Anaupsh kills a couple, sexy girl and her boyfriend, girl gets raped
Payoff 4: When they murder pair from organization, young lady also gets raped by Anaupsh’s assistant
SP CHAIN 5: Secret Service ropes of Protagonist
Setup: Hero calles his ropes, dropping phone call
Payoff 1: Distraught, he calls again, demanding they inform him
Payoff 2: Police establishes watch over him
SP CHAIN 6: Media
Setup: Hero relates missing cases story to his journalist brother
Payoff 1: OTAK puts it to TV broadcast
Payoff 2: Control group from organization comes to check on RI
Payoff 3: Hero searches labs
Payoff 4: Secret Service officer contacts Hero
SP CHAIN 7: Getting Intimate
Setup: LENA notices birthmark at Ward’s back
Payoff 1: She pulls shirt from SMC to see, if he isn’t marked either
SP CHAIN 8: Associative Reactions
Setup: LENA is raped by her stepmother with small bottle
Payoff 1: Amid goodies in a box there is barrel of acid, which Lena splashes on her adversary
Payoff 2: She tries to frighten nurse out of the room, saying there is acid in a bottle
Payoff 3: She pushes small bottle in her sex to invoke blood again
SP CHAIN 9: Meaning of Slogans
Setup: Freaking Man in a zone promises Ward to pay him, if he washes him out in report
Payoff 1: LENA deceives helicopter pilot by saying he will be paid
Payoff 2: Son of Main Commander promises men at Hotel’s lobby “they will pay him”, when phone line is dead
SP CHAIN 10: Start and End
Setup: Hero loses his girlfriend Kiat (First Turning Point)
Payoff 1: Lena loses her lover SMC, as he Separates (Resolution)
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Alice’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…
I finally know, what subplots are
All my subplots are more of less good, but Judge subplot, it seems watered down, maybe more emotional meaning
Part 1
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each.
Or if you don’t have any subplots, look at your supporting characters and identify how they might interact with your lead characters in a meaningful/emotional way to improve your story.
SUBPLOT #1
Judge and his Family, His Son and Granddaughter
Setup: Judge and His Son, man fishing on a roof, are introduced, though we don’t know yet why
Their family, a bit sad, as small granddaughter is lacking mother, and his son’s habit of fishing
Payoff: His son witnesses monsters floating and falls from the roof
As Judge is gone, his son gets interviewed about his father’s personality
SUBPLOT #2
Alarm Man
Beginning: Is one of small lab workers who always awakes by alarm
Middle: He ridicules missing cases matter at meetings
End: As his alarm doesn’t work, he is late, and is captured, working at the area where people disappear most (i.e. where Anaupsh’s lab is located)
SUBPLOT #3
Sexy Girl and Her Boyfriend
Beginning: This is very sexy girl who keeps at the meetings with special expression on aface, suddenly turns being very naïve, as she faces adversary
Middle: Her boyfriend agrees on a date with her
End: She gets lost seeing him gone, boards Anaupsh’s car, follows her to RI, and is raped and killed at the lab
SUBPLOT #4
Aged Man and his Girl Assistant from Secret Service
Beginning: They come to check at RI after news broadcast
Middle: They have a map and can see how part of lab is concealed, and they want to look at that
End: They are captured and destroyed
SUBPLOT #5
Journalist Brother of Protagonist
Beginning: He is careerist, bright but not that advanced, who creates broadcast report for his brother scientist who is concerned
Middle: He gets removed from Court Room, as he is very aggressive addressing Jury, after his loss, as his brother is gone
End: He is to witness exchange of a society, as he remains the way he is, not very good with descriptions of events he composes as a journalist, so he might understand, but can’t recapture it
2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
SUBPLOT#1
Is partly to show from inside conditions of society, as his young granddaughter is future generation, who will face this filtering he himself propagates, and who knows?
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
4. Add the improvements to your outline.
Part 2
1. Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each.
SUBPLOT #1
Story of one of the tenants in a Hotel #2, involving crime scene discovery
Beginning: Is one of tenants, not young, neither beautiful woman who is one of Hotel workers who rented room for one night, who keeps screaming anxiously as crowd of tenants fills corridor
Middle: She is made by psychologist to relate her story and share worries, as they uncover crime scene
End: She is promised education and new job as psychologist, which is in demand at a time, instead of hotel job
SUBPLOT #2
Young Military becoming a ward, and his way into reservation
Beginning: He recognizes himself as a leader, as his officer goes lacking
Middle: He gets trained and becomes a ward
End: He is to come back to reservations forever instead of death sentence
2. Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
SUBPLOT #1
Woman screams a couple of times “This is it! This is it!” each time when it turns on harsh side with military and filtering
As they discover dead girl’s body, she relates her story
Girl being Hotel Owner’s daughter was lacking upbringing, witnessing things at hotel
Woman wanted to exchange her attitude, and knowing Hotel’s Owner is attracted to her, rented a room for one night date, to evoke jealousy in a girl
Now she is sure she will face deportation into zone, but is reassured by psychologist that she has a keen, and could get degree and work as psychologist
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
Maybe to add beat where we see this woman working or receiving degree? Maybe too much
4. Add the improvements to your outline.
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Alice’s Pass #5 Action/Reaction
What I learned doing this assignment is
I had second breakthrough, which is I am afraid to make changes. That is possibly not new.
Listing Actions/Reaction helped me to straighten storyline for Protagonist at Part 1 and Ward / Lena escape story.
My aim is now to work on Judge’s speech at process. I will post it later.
Part 1
Underdog Plot is underlining all screenplay, and Protagonists actions are directed to unknown enemy, as he keeps being under pressure, he all the time thinks, maybe those are secret police deeds. If he would recognize that is just some one’s actions, he would maybe overcome it.
1. Tell us the following:
– Concept:
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
– Protagonist Goal: To bring things to Justice
– Protagonist Character Arc:
– Main Conflict: To do anything about it, or do nothing!
2. Create the Action/Reaction Events chart for your story.
and list it.
Protagonist:
Makes phone calls
Visits those who disappear
Contacts Police
Contacts Secret Service
Talks to Director
Talks to his Journalist Brother
Speaks at meetings
Searches labs
Transgresses corridors
& tries to reassure people
& Antagonist
Calls Kiat. / Murders Night Guard & Kiat
Sequentially:
Visits Kiat’s apartment
Twice visits
Brings Police
Talks of issue in a meeting (1)
Visits one of those who took leave
Warns disappeared woman’s husband
Endeavors turn to Secret Service, but drops out of it
Calls his ropes, but drops the phone
Speaks to Director.
Speaks at the meeting (2)
Calls Director /Murders Director
Goes to Police (1)
Speaks on meeting (3) / Murders Alarm Guy
Goes to Police (2) / Murders his friend
Calls his ropes
Talks with his brother
Searches labs
——————-
Transgresses corridors
3. Make a list of the emotional moments the Protagonist will go
through that will cause him or her to face the change they need
to make.
He gets emotional when:
At the meetings
He recognizes night guard is gone
His friend is gone
With police
At the end, checking on Anaupsh
When he waits for Anaupsh, he expects they been kidnapping people to work for them, and he will join this company, and see Kiat finally. This is the only case, when he believes she is alive.
4. Place the actions you like from #2 and emotional moments
from #3 in your current outline — and list the outline.
OPENING SCENE:
Representation (Visuals) of how SEPARATION (an artificial nano death, insinuated by signal from human brain of the bearer, whereas face and chest are separated symmetrically by vertical line), works. Inside perspective. Life stream as if moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
EXT. TOP OF RESIDENTIAL – DAY
There is a basin on the roof, and man is fishing.
EXT. ON A PLANE
On a flight back home from resort area. At the North of Planet MIROPOLIS. Plane is to cross a length of seawater from resort area on another Archipelago back to the West Shore.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Phone rings, as he returns. That is Director of Research institute with assignment for him to be prepared by Monday.
INCITING INCIDENT:
One of the files appears to be dark, he cannot open it.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
He picks taxi up.
EXT. BEFOR GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
He jumps out of taxi, running inside.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
He quickly exchanges with night guard about reasons him coming at night.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
He opens file on computer. Printer doesn’t work, lacking paper.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
As he rummages at closet, he is encountered by security guard. They exchange, guard continues along the corridor.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
As he keeps working, radiophone beeps. “I love you” This is Kiat.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm works. Man jumps from bed.
INT. OFFICE – MORNING
As Protagonist looks into window, he can see this man, one of lab workers, coming. Kiat is still not there.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Amid couple of others, Hero walks now noisy corridor of Research Institute, holding his documents. Woman of rather small height passes him, walking at another direction. He turns after her, looking at her back. “Is it Anaupsh?”
FIRST TURNING POINT:
His girlfriend is missing amid personnel “Where is Kiat?” Other lab workers shed look on him, as if he’s been cheated, or dropped by
INT. BACK ROOM – MORNING
Kiat is murdered by someone looking like Anaupsh and one or two more people.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Hero calls Kiat. She doesn’t pick it up, and he leaves a message.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
He looks at the watch, – she didn’t call back.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s neighbor says, Kiat doesn’t live here anymore, was absent for two days (as they been on weekend)
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s neighbor confirms, Kiat moved away. He doesn’t believe her.
INT. KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Police helps with the door. Money, clothes, and documents appear intact. Police officer implies, maybe she flied across the boundary.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist before the crowd of workers of Research Institute. As he talks of Kiat went missing without anyone giving much attention, he is considered by crowd, as unsuccessful lover. One man says, he had seen Kiat that day. And that couple of people took a leave.
INT. RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Protagonist comes by the address of one of those who took leave. His neighbors says, he left not saying goodbye.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Disturbed man comes, searching for his missing wife, who worked at RI. Protagonist warns him not to come back in here, as his wife is possibly killed.
INT. SOCIAL SERVICES – EVENING
Protagonist is waiting to see an officer, but changes his mind, and walks away.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls to secret police man of his acquaintance, but drops the phone.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director is some kind of a friend to Protagonist, and tries to give him sick leave when he says, one of the missing was his girlfriend. As protagonist tries to prove it is necessary to search the labs, Anaupsh enters. She is the head of development lab of DNA research. After her comes her assistant, tall freak, not young anymore. Hero remarks on strong body of Anaupsh and metallic plate, stuck at her sandal. Director lets him go. As he leaves, he observes them for a while, talking at the office.
EXT. BEFORE DIRECTOR’S – DAY
He walks out of the building, and strolls away.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director is murdered. Blood on the table. Anaupsh opens his cabinet with electronic key. Unlocks computer and washes out files from the list with info on exp from her lab. Her assistant rolls Director’s body in blue plastic.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist before crowd of RI’s workers. A couple more of people left, Head of one lab, and also Director is on leave.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero calls at Director’s. His wife says, he called her to say he drops on her, and asks for his stuff to be sent over the ocean.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
His son wants to go fishing on the roof. But glances at the face of his old father and small daughter, and remains.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
They peacefully making a tea.
INT. LOBBY – EVENING
Hero notices night guard disappearance.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – DAY
Protagonist gets refused by policeman about these missing cases.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Speaks for a third time at the meeting, with maps, representing, how people mostly get disappearing at certain area of Research Institute.
INT. LIBRARY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – DAY
Protagonist accidentally runs on Anaupsh. He notices there is nor metallic plate stuck in her sandal any longer.
INT. RI’S CORRIDOR OF HERO’S DREAM – NIGHT
He’s having nightmare. Woman screams “He died from horror!”
INT. HERO’S BEDROOM – MORNING
He awakes from his nightmare.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm didn’t work. Man jumps from bed on his own, when it is too late.
EXT. BEFORE THE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Protagonist meets with that man before gates. They exchange. Man works in the lab at the same area, where people get disappearing.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
This man is tied up, his moth stuck. One scientist enters, and sees the picture. Assistant shoots him from the back, but he already separated. Now they cannot use his body.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Protagonist is having conversation with his friend, head of another lab, who complains, he has no one to report.
EXT. TRAIN STATION – EVENING
His friend is waiting for the train. Some figure is as if in the mist, over the distance.
INT. TRAIN – EVENING
Relieved, he boards the train, and takes his seat on the bench.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – EVENING
Protagonist persuades police officer about missing cases. Officer manifests with negativity, as Hero is clearly a developed caste, and sends him packing.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – EVENING
Protagonist picks up at the note, dropped on the floor. It is left by his friend about report. He jams paper in his fist, seeing his friend is gone!
INT. HERO’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
He awakes because someone is behind the door to his room.
MIDPOINT
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls his acquaintance at secret service, demanding they would say if missing cases were their job.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Protagonist visits his brother. He’s journalist, and keeps writing, even as they speak.
EXT. POLICE CAR – NIGHT
Police watches him over distance, listening to conversation with antenna.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT
Protagonist relates to his brother about missing cases.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
TV news. “In one of huge institutions people get disappear in one of the area of the lab works” Judge remarks that’s where his sister works.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero watches the news.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Journalist calls his brother to learn of impression. Hero is dissatisfied, saying, his report was misleading at broadcast.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh answers the phone.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge drops it down, hearing her voice.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh remarks that been her brother checking on her after watching the news, and she is OK. Sexy girl an assistant persuades how some people really disappeared. Anaupsh observes this girl’s sexy body.
INT. VIEW OF CLOSET FROM INSIDE – DAY
This sexy girl is rummaging at the closet, as someone closes her mouth, and picks her up from behind. That is her boyfriend who places a date with her.
INT. CAFE – NIGHT
Girl is waiting for him, but he doesn’t turn out.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
She leaves cafe and starts strolling along the street. Car stops, Anaupsh opens the door. Girl looks inside and sees her boyfriend, dead. She starts losing herself. Gets inside, and strokes his hair, then vomits.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
They pass by night guard, posing her boyfriend as drunk.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – NIGHT
Anaupsh proposes to restore him by the help of her work she conducted experiment for. She opens door to back room for her. Girl sees there construction from parts of human bodies and drops on the floor.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Control group, in amount of one aged man and young lady sent by organization comes to check at what is happening at Research Institute.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
As Anaupsh tries to make her way through the talk, they ask her of the area, as they can see on a map. Then assistant hits man from behind unconscious. But girl puts a gun on them. At this moment secret door opens from inside, by Anaupsh’ another girl assistant. Girl turns away at its direction, and male assistant blows her gun away.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
They both are beaten up, unconscious.
INT. SOME LAB – DAY
Protagonist on his way around to check labs meets opposition from aged scientist.
INT. DYNAMICS LAB – EVENING
Two guys in this lab tell Hero, how they protect with guns. They assured him they are waiting for those who do this to come, and don’t lock the doors.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – MORNING
Protagonist passes by Dynamics Lab, its door seems closed. He tries it, and it opens, room same as it was, no men.
SECOND TURNING POINT:
Protagonist gets contacted by secret service officer. He affirms they also lost a number of people on Institute’s ground, and that he was afraid to pass inside.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
That officer who spoke with scientist reports to top officer, as that one receives a call with indications from above. Not to do much. Top officer remarks that might be correct approach. Let everyone be gone, apart from one left, who’ve done it.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – EVENING
Strolling along, Protagonist looks into open lab and sees there girl assistant of Anaupsh rummaging through documents. She says she had to sort that out.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Walking past Anaupsh’s lab, Protagonist can hear noise behind the wall, something knocks. He is surprised.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Night guard confirms everyone from that lab are gone for the night.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – MORNING
Hero waits for Anaupsh to come, to check her lab. She lets him in, saying it’s development nocking.
CRISIS:
She opens back room for him, and he can see huge animated construction, composed from human bodies, managed by DNA exchange. He recognizes it here and there. Passes out.
EXT. BACK STREET – EVENING
Officer who came to RI calls his top officer, saying, scientist does not answer his calls. He drops the phone and turns to go away, but is shot from behind a corner out of vehicle.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets notified, his employee went arrested for interest in this case. He is stunned. Upon consideration, exits office via back door.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets out, considers cars nearby, walks down, and is shot from behind.
CLIMAX:
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium. Two scientists at presidium get alarmed, but Anaupsh smartly lets her creation into outside world, to float at the sky. They sound alarm then.
EXT. CITY SCAPE – EVENING
Judge’s son again strolls along the roof with fishing line and barrel. View of monsters in the sky makes him lose his step and he falls from the edge of the roof. He succeeds at holding at some architectural pieces down there, as monster comes rather closer to his view. Aircraft dispatch comes on helicopters, and spreads point-direct atomic weapon at the creature. Keeping his hold, he starts sneezing, and endeavors turn away or shield somehow.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
His son supports him, says to hold on.
INT. COURT – DAY
As Judge heads ahead to preside, he is blamed into back. Everyone knows that is his sister in the process, who he is going now justify.
RESOLUTION:
Anaupsh and her assistants are facing the court. Judge keeps asking questions in such a way that he uncovers her rotten nature. He then says, he’s unsure of what punishment, and that how, maybe, even if his kids, but separate somehow away into zones people of such kind so that they won’t be able to do crimes of such scape. Anaupsh observes him, and suddenly says “Don’t Separate!” He looks back at her, and as if from opposition, separates. His face moves apart, leaving narrow space, vertical, and smooth, leading into depth of the head, as other parts also have moved. As he continues to sit at same pose, common with Separation, across the room passes gush of astonishment. His subtle body, recognizable, consciously moves along the middle, to exit the court.
EXT. SITY STREET – DAY
Journalist brother of late scientist watches street screens, streaming the process. He immediately recognizes, what it is going to be.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
His son gets interviewed.
INT. EDITORIAL OFFICE – NIGHT
Late Protagonist’s journalist brother gets criticized by his editor. What would people think of Separation after reading “Man after Separating, walked along the ail?”
RESOLUTION:
People with strict faces are at building construction, meant for outcastes.
“First Social Services were doing it, then when jails went full, they got that wasn’t enough, and called in military…”
Part 2
Runaway
In a way, Lena is adversary of a Ward, and Son of Main Commander, as they both get under fire because of her. This manifests when they interact and speak.
– Concept:
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
– Protagonist Goal: Save qualified inside of reservation
– Protagonist Character Arc:
Ward’s Character Arc:
What he wants: To love Lena
What he needs: To send her safely outside
Old trait: He used to murder inside of reservation, and didn’t turn himself up to save some more people
Changed to: He would give his life away, as he is guilty in his assistant being shot at zone
– Main Conflict: Either he makes her a lover, or he saves her as a ward
2. Create the Action/Reaction Events chart for your story.
WARD if he Reacts on Lena, he Acts to outside, if he Reacts on outside, he Acts on Lena
Son of Main Commander Reacts on LENA, and Acts on outside
LENA Reacts, pauses, then Acts, in cold blood
WARD educates LENA as she answers his questions
Locks her in his apartment as she tries to learn
Streams water outside as she arguments
She notices his birthmark as they take a shower
Leaves her virginal after sex, so she understands it only after her mother hurts her, so she burns her with acid
Leaves Report on her, which she deposits, and fights her way upstairs, and deceives pilot
3. Make a list of the emotional moments the Protagonist will go
through that will cause him or her to face the change they need
to make.
For SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Interested, hooked as they meet with LENA
With LENA at a Hotel #1, as they get intimate
As they exchange names
Anxious as He tries to place a phone call in the lobby
Suspicious at a Hospital
Depressed at the Hotel #2, when there is a dead kid’s body concealed behind the wall
Ironical as he discusses his actions with officers
Self-conscious, as he directs LENA look into window to see residents across the street
Up-high as they preside sentencing their younger friend the military as ward
In decision as he holds LENA’s hands as she tries to save him from himself
Sentimental/sublime as he separates
4. Place the actions you like from #2 and emotional moments
from #3 in your current outline — and list the outline.
OPENING SCENE: Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
INCITING INCIDENT: Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
INT. RESIDENTIAL ZONE – DAY
Ward unlocks his new apartment, belonged prior to his predecessor.
INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – DAY
Le-na visits him. She never takes a bath, to repel other residents.
FIRST TURNING POINT: He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors. They start to be intimate. They take shower together, but he only does superficial sex.
MIDPOINT: His window is bulletproof, but door has space underneath. After knocking at his locked door didn’t help, residents put smoke via this opening. Ward then streams water outside.
SECOND TURNING POINT: Helicopter brings boxes with goodies. Ward unlocks the door. Le-na’s bitch mother comes asking for her. Ward replies, he put a report, and Le-na is to be evacuated back to outside world. Freaking aged guy jumps inside, asking to be taken back also, offering money. Ward refuses. Freak shoots him down to death.
Le-na’s family members run in, starting robbing apartment, goodies box first. “Why did you wash yourself?” screams bitch mother. She checks her, and sees, she is still virginal. Then she rapes her, pushing small bottle inside. Le-na passes out.
CRISIS: Le-na awakes. Room is robbed of everything. She sees Ward in the spirit, as subtle image in the room. Then they communicate. He says, Le-na must prepare to kill her mother, as she comes back. She looks around, and sees nothing like a weapon. He keeps going “see this barrel? There is an acid in it, if to pour it upon a person, he would die!” Le-na picks up large barrel, right when her mother’s steps are heard. As that one enters, she splashes acid on her.
Ward directs her to pick up report and go upstairs.
INT. ATTIC – DAY
Vast room with glass ceiling along the walls has special mail boxes, one for each apartment. Le-na puts report into mail box, and pulls at lever. Via glass walls one can see how report swiftly goes upward, beyond the roof.
Girl new comer descends stairs. She demonstratively approaches Le-na. Takes gun out. They fight. Le-na uses martial skills she picked up from Ward. She blows gun away, picks it up and shoots girl down.
Ward directs her to run on the roof, where there must be a helicopter that brought new comer.
CLIMAX: Le-na runs up to the pilot and deceives him, saying she was brought down to restricted zone by mistake. She promises him her parents would pay him!
RESOLUTION: EXT. HELICOPTER CABIN – EVENING
They take into air. Pilot asks for her address. “Quiet Street, Small House!” Le-na says. Pilot gets he was deceived. “Point gun at him!” says Ward’s voice. Le-na puts gun on him. His radio works, and Le-na screams for pilot. Man on that end of the line hears female voice.
ESCAPE story (above) as OPENING SCENE for Lena Outside of Reservation
(Lena Outside of Reservation, as a RESOLUTION to Escape story)
INCITING INCIDENT: INT. TECHNO STATION – EVENING
Le-na is picked up by high rang military. She recognizes him being special, and tries to pull shirt away from his back, to see if there isn’t body mark as well.
FIRST TURNING POINT: INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
They become intimate.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Servant rolls in table with refreshment and some wine bottles, as he gets astonished, seeing Le-na standing totally naked amid the room.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Two officers come to expose her lover. They have a moment and exchange names. He says, he’s a Son of Main Commander, which is his rang.
MIDPOINT: INT. HOTEL’S LOBBY – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander descends with Le-na into lobby. He directs her to wait him at the glass doors. And tries to place a phone call, but line is dead. “You will pay me for that! “ he says to hotel’s owner. And receives a blow.
INT. HOSPITAL COMPARTMENT – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander awakes, Le-na sits near. “How did you do that?” She says she used street phone and asked for the Father the Main Commander.
Nurse enters, behaving suspiciously. Then Le-na picks up small bottle, and says “In this bottle there is an acid. I will pour it over you, and you will die!” Nurse looks at the bottle and starts laughing.
He calls for regiment, then they lock inside the room.
They hear noise outside at the corridor, that being small military dispatch. He likes the voice of some young officer, and they unlock for them. Commanding officer of dispatch freaks out and get tied up by his own soldiers. Then young officer takes on himself commandment. He reports, they are surrounded by enemies. Son of Main Commander recognizes him as careerist. Enemies being regiment he called for.
EXT. AT HELICOPTERS – MORNING
As they are on the go to helicopter, saved by regiment, he arguments with regiment commander.
SECOND TURNING POINT: INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT.
As they are staying at the hotel, now a couple, he sits on bed in clothes. Le-na reacts and after pulling his socks away, washing her hands, picks up bottle and pushes inside sex organs. He catches at her and hits. “Why have you done it?” She explains, she no longer has blood (she’ s lucking, and he is indifferent). He laughs with joy, explaining that is a pregnancy.
Their activity is overlooked by man in bright lit window across the street. He threatens them, gesturing, and dresses up to go out.
CRISIS: INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR – NIGHT
It appears, Hotel was stuffed with video cameras to observe tenants, by agreement of that man across the street and Hotel owner. Military came, and all tenants get out of their rooms. As Son of Main Commander arguments matter with Commanding Officer, that one freaks out and gets tied up by his own soldiers. Soldiers get lost, but one of them, still young, and with shrieking voice, starts giving commands.
CULMINATION:
One of cameras made video of something white in dark lobby. Hotel owner suddenly gets ill and is escorted to his room by two soldiers. Others search the rooms, and uncover body of ten years old daughter of Hotel owner. Tenant of that room dies right there, poisoning oneself till foam out of the mouth, and slides down the wall. After they turn away two technicians coming to pick up someone qualified as outcastes, real psychologist comes. He turns to be an aged man, experienced and talkative. He exchanges addresses with boy with shrieking voice, promises to distressed woman degree in psychology and new job.
RESOLUTION: INT. HOTEL ROOM – MORNING
Le-na again looks into window. There is wife of that man, now arrested, who shoots woman at hotel room near theirs.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Yet another hotel. They lie in bed as outside are sirens at the distance. He embraces her, tense. But cars run by.
RESOLUTION to PART 2, Wrapping Up: INT. FIGHTING ROOM – DAY
Boy with shrieking voice went into grown up man, taking martial arts training.
INT. RESTRICTED ZONE – DAY
He endeavors to save a couple out of zone. As woman screams, closing her ears, hold by her man, he shoots back at a couple of people, shooting at him.
INT. TRIBUNAL – DAY
He gets sentenced. He doesn’t take it for real, but as a bad joke, as he really killed people. They then consent on him returning back to zone, now forever.
EXT. ROAD AND GRASS – DAY
Bus doors gets closed, and it leaves on its way.
INT. PRIVATE RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Le-na moves around the house, bearing sight of household, having kids, here and there, where they dropped clothes or toys, running for bus.
INT. GUESTROOM – DAY
Son of Main Commander sits as if thinking something over. Phone rings, but he doesn’t pick it up. Le-na awakes him from his thoughts. No, he not at all is going to go as a ward, this means imminent death. She worries, and starts to pull chain with pendant from her neck, as if to put on him as amulet, but he stops her.
He gets up, dons his military headwear and goes out. Le-na answers the phone. No, he is gone. She says.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE – DAY
He goes a distance away, then stops. Wind blows into his face. He Separates. Narrow opening with even edges separates front of his face in the middle. His facial expression doesn’t change. He keeps standing same pose.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
As sentenced ward, here incognito, discusses with psychologist his couple he brought out, who are passing exam now, and Le-na, who is here, crashed and lost her sanity.
-
Alice’s Pass #4 — NQ 3 and 4
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is I seen a lot about pattern of scenario, and I made myself to write what it is, though I don’t press on it, as I want to keep the flow. I discovered during the process what I might overlook. I will keep it the way I’ve written,
But it’s obvious that my Protagonists dilemma is he could run away, not stay there
And for Judge to pledge his sister guity the way he wants it, though it might bring him consequences
Le-na’s dilemma is, she wants be liberated, so she needs to conceal she killed to get away, so she cannot be a member of this society
Son of Main Commander dilema is, he had either turn Lena back immediately, or return with her, if he loves her, and not to keep her, using his rang
And for the Ward the way I’ve written it.
Escape story theme is Liberation
And Part 1 THEME is Population of Miropolis as they are given Separation, and before division into zones
But, I kept it the first variant below. I didn’t add much, but it is like a string to keep along, and would help with writing it. Like hero’s intentions.
Part 1
1. Tell us your concept.
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
2. Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
Protagonist #1: Would he find out, who’ve done it from those he works with?
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
When Kiat gets missed
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
He continues be a worker of Research Institute, but parallel tries to investigate it
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
His life gets broken, he makes it from upstart, till the end, when he uncovers it
D. What do they lose in making that choice?
He could run away, as he had no illusion, knowing it’s happening on RI ground, or stay risking
Judge: If it is up to him, how would he exchange the world, though with consequences
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
He manifests it at his speach
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
He doesn’t like his sister, and now he is to lead a process, with idea he would justify her
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
He has intention of finding Antagonist guilty, how it manifests in his interrogation, and when he proclaims it
D. What do they lose in making that choice?
If he chooses to justify her he would be blamed by people, also that won’t be him, if he finds Antagonist guilty, he might face those ho want to cover for her
3. Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions:
Techno techno society, nano-particles, division into castes, and self development.
A. What are both sides of your theme?
Side 1: SEPARATION protects advanced techno society of West of MIROPOLIS
Side 2: Evolution presupposes we are Human, with same social disadvantages
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
Protagonist belongs to better side of West population, but gets into situation he cannot exchange things on a better side, but involuntary sacrificing
Separation is introduced at Opening Scene
Scientist who witnesses victims tied up Separates
Human side is shown with Judges family, like his son’s reactions, man who’s fishing at the roof top basin
In Protagonists interaction with his friend and reaction on him been gone
With his interaction with Secret Service Officer
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?
One Hero gets destroyed, another Separates
OPENING SCENE:
Representation (Visuals) of how SEPARATION (an artificial nano death, insinuated by signal from human brain of the bearer, whereas face and chest are separated symmetrically by vertical line), works. Inside perspective. Life stream as if moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
EXT. TOP OF RESIDENTIAL – DAY
There is a basin on the roof, and man is fishing.
EXT. ON A PLANE
On a flight back home from resort area. At the North of Planet MIROPOLIS. Plane is to cross a length of seawater from resort area on another Archipelago back to the West Shore.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Phone rings, as he returns. That is Director of Research institute with assignment for him to be prepared by Monday.
INCITING INCIDENT:
One of the files appears to be dark, he cannot open it.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
He picks taxi up.
EXT. BEFORE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
He jumps out of taxi, running inside.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
He quickly exchanges with night guard about reasons him coming at night.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
He opens file on computer. Printer doesn’t work, lacking paper.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
As he rummages at closet, he is encountered by security guard. They exchange, guard continues along the corridor.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
As he keeps working, radiophone beeps. “I love you” This is Kiat.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm works. Man jumps from bed.
INT. OFFICE – MORNING
As Protagonist looks into window, he can see this man, one of lab workers, coming. Kiat is still not there.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Amid couple of others, Hero walks now noisy corridor of Research Institute, holding his documents. Woman of rather small height passes him, walking at another direction. He turns after her, looking at her back. “Is it Anaupsh?”
FIRST TURNING POINT:
His girlfriend is missing amid personnel “Where is Kiat?” Other lab workers shed look on him, as if he’s been cheated, or dropped by
INT. BACK ROOM – MORNING
Kiat is murdered by someone looking like Anaupsh and one or two more people.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Hero calls Kiat. She doesn’t pick it up, and leaves a message.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
He looks at the watch, – she didn’t call back.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s neighbor says, Kiat doesn’t live here anymore, was absent for two days (as they been on weekend)
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s neighbor confirms, Kiat moved away. He doesn’t believe her.
INT. KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Police helps with the door. Money, clothes, and documents appear intact. Police officer implies, maybe she flied across the boundary.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist before the crowd of workers of Research Institute. As he talks of Kiat went missing without anyone giving much attention, he is considered by crowd, as unsuccessful lover. One man says, he had seen Kiat that day. And that couple of people took a leave.
INT. RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Protagonist comes by the address of one of those who took leave. His neighbors says, he left not saying goodbye.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Disturbed man comes, searching for his missing wife, who worked at RI. Protagonist warns him not to come back in here, as his wife is possibly killed.
INT. SOCIAL SERVICES – EVENING
Protagonist is waiting to see an officer, but changes his mind, and walks away.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls to secret police man of his acquaintance, but drops the phone.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director is some kind of a friend to Protagonist, and tries to give him sick leave when he says, one of the missing was his girlfriend. As protagonist tries to prove it is necessary to search the labs, Anaupsh enters. She is the head of development lab of DNA research. After her comes her assistant, tall freak, not young anymore. Hero remarks on strong body of Anaupsh and metallic plate, stuck at her sandal. Director lets him go. As he leaves, he observes them for a while, talking at the office.
EXT. BEFORE DIRECTOR’S – DAY
He walks out of the building, and strolls away.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director is murdered. Blood on the table. Anaupsh opens his cabinet with electronic key. Unlocks computer and washes out files from the list with info on exp from her lab. Her assistant rolls Director’s body in blue plastic.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist before crowd of RI’s workers. A couple more of people left, Head of one lab, and also Director is on leave.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero calls at Director’s. His wife says, he called her to say he drops on her, and asks for his stuff to be sent over the ocean.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
His son wants to go fishing on the roof. But glances at the face of his old father and small daughter, and remains.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
They peacefully making a tea.
INT. LIBRARY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – DAY
Protagonist accidentally runs on Anaupsh. He notices there is nor metallic plate stuck in her sandal any longer.
INT. RI’S CORRIDOR OF HERO’S DREAM – NIGHT
He’s having nightmare. Woman screams “He died from horror!”
INT. HERO’S BEDROOM – MORNING
He awakes from his nightmare.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm didn’t work. Man jumps from bed on his own, when it is too late.
EXT. BEFORE THE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Protagonist meets with that man before gates. They exchange. Man works in the lab at the same area, where people get disappearing.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
This man is tied up, his moth stuck. One scientist enters, and sees the picture. Assistant shoots him from the back, but he already separated. Now they cannot use his body.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Protagonist is having conversation with his friend, head of another lab, who complains, he has no one to report.
EXT. TRAIN STATION – EVENING
His friend is waiting for the train. Some figure is as if in the mist, over the distance.
INT. TRAIN – EVENING
Relieved, he boards the train, and takes his seat on the bench.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – EVENING
Protagonist persuades police officer about missing cases. Officer manifests with negativity, as Hero is clearly a developed caste, and sends him packing.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – EVENING
Protagonist picks up at the note, dropped on the floor. It is left by his friend about report. He jums paper in his fist, seeing his friend is gone!
INT. HERO’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
He awakes because someone is behind the door to his room.
MIDPOINT
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls his acquaintance at secret service, demanding they would say if missing cases were their job.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Protagonist visits his brother. He’s journalist, and keeps writing, even as they speak.
EXT. POLICE CAR – NIGHT
Police watches him over distance, listening to conversation with antenna.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT
Protagonist relates to his brother about missing cases.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
TV news. “In one of huge institutions people get disappear in one of the area of the lab works” Judge remarks that’s where his sister works.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero watches the news.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Journalist calls his brother to learn of impression. Hero is dissatisfied, saying, his report was misleading at broadcast.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh answers the phone.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge drops it down, hearing her voice.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh remarks that been her brother checking on her after watching the news, and she is OK. Sexy girl an assistant persuades how some people really disappeared. Anaupsh observes this girl’s sexy body.
INT. VIEW OF CLOSET FROM INSIDE – DAY
This sexy girl is rummaging at the closet, as someone closes her mouth, and picks her up from behind. That is her boyfriend who places a date with her.
INT. CAFE – NIGHT
Girl is waiting for him, but he doesn’t turn out.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
She leaves cafe and starts strolling along the street. Car stops, Anaupsh opens the door. Girl looks inside and sees her boyfriend, dead. She starts losing herself. Gets inside, and strokes his hair, then vomits.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
They pass by night guard, posing her boyfriend as drunk.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – NIGHT
Anaupsh proposes to restore him by the help of her work she conducted experiment for. She opens door to back room for her. Girl sees there construction from parts of human bodies and drops on the floor.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Control group, in amount of one aged man and young lady sent by organization comes to check at what is happening at Research Institute.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
As Anaupsh tries to make her way through the talk, they ask her of the area, as they can see on a map. Then assistant hits man from behind unconscious. But girl puts a gun on them. At this moment secret door opens from inside, by Anaupsh’ another girl assistant. Girl turns away at its direction, and male assistant blows her gun away.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
They both are beaten up, unconscious.
INT. SOME LAB – DAY
Protagonist on his way around to check labs meets opposition from aged scientist.
INT. DYNAMICS LAB – EVENING
Two guys in this lab tell Hero, how they protect with guns. They assured him they are waiting for those who do this to come, and don’t lock the doors.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – MORNING
Protagonist passes by Dynamics Lab, its door seems closed. He tries it, and it opens, room same as it was, no men.
SECOND TURNING POINT:
Protagonist gets contacted by secret service officer. He affirms they also lost a number of people on Institute’s ground, and that he was afraid to pass inside.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
That officer who spoke with scientist reports to top officer, as that one receives a call with indications from above. Not to do much. Top officer remarks that might be correct approach. Let everyone be gone, apart from one left, who’ve done it.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – EVENING
Strolling along, Protagonist looks into open lab and sees there girl assistant of Anaupsh rummaging through documents. She says she had to sort that out.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Walking past Anaupsh’s lab, Protagonist can hear noise behind the wall, something knocks. He is surprised.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Night guard confirms everyone from that lab are gone for the night.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – MORNING
Hero waits for Anaupsh to come, to check her lab. She lets him in, saying it’s development nocking.
CRISIS:
She opens back room for him, and he can see huge animated construction, composed from human bodies, managed by DNA exchange. He recognizes it here and there. Passes out.
EXT. BACK STREET – EVENING
Officer who came to RI calls his top officer, saying, scientist does not answer his calls. He drops the phone and turns to go away, but is shot from behind a corner out of vehicle.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets notified, his employee went arrested for interest in this case. He is stunned. Upon consideration, exits office via back door.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets out, considers cars nearby, walks down, and is shot from behind.
CLIMAX:
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium. Two scientists at presidium get alarmed, but Anaupsh smartly lets her creation into outside world, to float at the sky. They sound alarm then.
EXT. CITY SCAPE – EVENING
Judge’s son again strolls along the roof with fishing line and barrel. View of monsters in the sky makes him lose his step and he falls from the edge of the roof. He succeeds at holding at some architectural pieces down there, as monster comes rather closer to his view. Aircraft dispatch comes on helicopters, and spreads point-direct atomic weapon at the creature. Keeping his hold, he starts sneezing, and endeavors turn away or shield somehow.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
His son supports him, says to hold on.
INT. COURT – DAY
As Judge heads ahead to preside, he is blamed into back. Everyone knows that is his sister in the process, who he is going now justify.
RESOLUTION:
Anaupsh and her assistants are facing the court. Judge keeps asking questions in such a way that he uncovers her rotten nature. He then says, he’s unsure of what punishment, and that how, maybe, even if his kids, but separate somehow away into zones people of such kind so that they won’t be able to do crimes of such scape. Anaupsh observes him, and suddenly says “Don’t Separate!” He looks back at her, and as if from opposition, separates. His face moves apart, leaving narrow space, vertical, and smooth, leading into depth of the head, as other parts also have moved. As he continues to sit at same pose, common with Separation, across the room passes gush of astonishment. His subtle body, recognizable, consciously moves along the middle, to exit the court.
EXT. SITY STREET – DAY
Journalist brother of late scientist watches street screens, streaming the process. He immediately recognizes, what it is going to be.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
His son gets interviewed.
INT. EDITORIAL OFFICE – NIGHT
Late Protagonist’s journalist brother gets criticized by his editor. What would people think of Separation after reading “Man after Separating, walked along the ail?”
RESOLUTION:
People with strict faces are at building construction, meant for outcastes.
“First Social Services were doing it, then when jails went full, they got that wasn’t enough, and called in military…”
Part 2
1. Tell us your concept.
Concept:
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
2. Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
Ward: Either he have sex with Le-na, or he writes report to liberate her.
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
As he interacts with Lena
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
In his behavior with her, both getting intimate as he keeps her in his apartment, but superficially, implying, he is doing report after what she would get outside
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
As he opens the doors
D. What do they lose in making that choice?
Love in one instance, maybe life of both of them at another
Le-na: She cannot live not only amid people in reservation, but amid those outside as well.
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
She relates how she repulsed other tenants by pretending just never taking a bath
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
She keeps away, avoiding mostly interactions
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
She runs away, and keeps it going
D. What do they lose in making that choice?
She chooses to stay with her new partner
Son of Main Commander: In between of dying as a ward or keeping it safe at his position.
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
With his interactions with Lena, as they have dramatic relationships
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
Because of intensity of surrounding
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
He cannot make that choice, and Separates
D. What do they lose in making that choice?
He loses his life if he goes as a ward, would be instantly killed, and he just cannot be himself, doing nothing, so he Separates
3. Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions:
Meaning: even at TECHNO world we continue to be human, techno is built to suite human needs.
Lesson: How civilization transits with free flow of information, resources availability, and sheds old clothes of former social structure.
Moral: What it means to be human. Struggle of self developed ones in social structure.
LIBERATION
A. What are both sides of your theme?
Side 1: Individuals and society could be liberated
Side 2: Individuals and society are under pressure
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
In a crowd reaction in a Hotel #2.
In a complexity of staying human under new rules when they filter population
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?
In reality, Son of Main Commander had turn Lena back into zone immediately as he meets her, as she just murdered a couple of people, but he would naturally not to do it with qualified person
And as he loves her, he would have to go TOGETHER with her back into zone, but that would result in their deaths
Their friends keeps frank, and he just liberates a couple, by shooting in reservation, and gets sentenced, but they, as they are his friends, just make it for him to come back to zone instead, forever.
OPENING SCENE: Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
INCITING INCIDENT: Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
INT. RESIDENTIAL ZONE – DAY
Ward unlocks his new apartment, belonged prior to his predecessor.
INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – DAY
Le-na visits him. She never takes a bath, to repel other residents.
FIRST TURNING POINT: He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors. They start to be intimate. They take shower together, but he only does superficial sex.
MIDPOINT: His window is bulletproof, but door has space underneath. After knocking at his locked door didn’t help, residents put smoke via this opening. Ward then streams water outside.
SECOND TURNING POINT: Helicopter brings boxes with goodies. Ward unlocks the door. Le-na’s bitch mother comes asking for her. Ward replies, he put a report, and Le-na is to be evacuated back to outside world. Freaking aged guy jumps inside, asking to be taken back also, offering money. Ward refuses. Freak shoots him down to death.
Le-na’s family members run in, starting robbing apartment, goodies box first. “Why did you wash yourself?” screams bitch mother. She checks her, and sees, she is still virginal. Then she rapes her, pushing small bottle inside. Le-na passes out.
CRISIS: Le-na awakes. Room is robbed of everything. She sees Ward in the spirit, as subtle image in the room. Then they communicate. He says, Le-na must prepare to kill her mother, as she comes back. She looks around, and sees nothing like a weapon. He keeps going “see this barrel? There is an acid in it, if to poor it upon a person, he would die!” Le-na picks up large barrel, right when her mother’s steps are heard. As that one enters, she splashes acid on her.
Ward directs her to pick up report and go upstairs.
INT. ATTIC – DAY
Vast room with glass ceiling along the walls has special mail boxes, one for each apartment. Le-na puts report into mail box, and pulls at lever. Via glass walls one can see how report swiftly goes upward, beyond the roof.
Girl new comer descends stairs. She demonstrative lay approaches Le-na. Takes gun out. They fight. Le-na uses martial skills she picked up from Ward. She blows gun away, picks it up and shoots girl down.
Ward directs her to run on the roof, where there must be a helicopter that brought new comer.
CLIMAX: Le-na runs up to the pilot and deceives him, saying she was brought down to restricted zone by mistake. She promises him her parents would pay him!
RESOLUTION: EXT. HELICOPTER CABIN – EVENING
They take into air. Pilot asks for her address. “Quiet Street, Small House!” Le-na says. Pilot gets he was deceived. “Point gun at him!” says Ward’s voice. Le-na puts gun on him. His radio works, and Le-na screams for pilot. Man on that end of the line hears female voice.
INCITING INCIDENT: INT. TECHNO STATION – EVENING
Le-na is picked up by high rang military. She recognizes him being special, and tries to pull shirt away from his back, to see if there isn’t body mark as well.
FIRST TURNING POINT: INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
They become intimate.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Servant rolls in table with refreshment and some wine bottles, as he gets astonished, seeing Le-na standing totally naked amid the room.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Two officers come to expose her lover. They have a moment and exchange names. He says, he’s a Son of Main Commander, which is his rang.
MIDPOINT: INT. HOTEL’S LOBBY – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander descends with Le-na into lobby. He directs her to wait him at the glass doors. And tries to place a phone call, but line is dead. “You will pay me for that! “ he says to hotel’s owner. And receives a blow.
INT. HOSPITAL COMPARTMENT – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander awakes, Le-na sits near. “How did you do that?” She says she used street phone and asked for the Father the Main Commander.
Nurse enters, behaving suspiciously. Then Le-na picks up small bottle, and says “In this bottle there is an acid. I will pour it over you, and you will die!” Nurse looks at the bottle and starts laughing.
He calls for regiment, then they lock inside the room.
They hear noise outside at the corridor, that being small military dispatch. He likes the voice of some young officer, and they unlock for them. Commanding officer of dispatch freaks out and get tied up by his own soldiers. Then young officer takes on himself commandment. He reports, they are surrounded by enemies. Son of Main Commander recognizes him as careerist. Enemies being regiment he called for.
EXT. AT HELICOPTERS – MORNING
As they are on the go to helicopter, saved by regiment, he arguments with regiment commander.
SECOND TURNING POINT: INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT.
As they are staying at the hotel, now a couple, he sits on bed in clothes. Le-na reacts and after pulling his socks away, washing her hands, picks up bottle and pushes inside sex organs. He catches at her and hits. “Why have you done it?” She explains, she no longer has blood (she’ s lucking, and he is indifferent). He laughs with joy, explaining that is a pregnancy.
Their activity is overlooked by man in bright lit window across the street. He threatens them, gesturing, and dresses up to go out.
CRISIS: INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR – NIGHT
It appears, Hotel was stuffed with video cameras to observe tenants, by agreement of that man across the street and Hotel owner. Military came, and all tenants get out of their rooms. As Son of Main Commander arguments matter with Commanding Officer, that one freaks out and gets tied up by his own soldiers. Soldiers get lost, but one of them, still young, and with shrieking voice, starts giving commands.
CULMINATION:
One of cameras made video of something white in dark lobby. Hotel owner suddenly gets ill and is escorted to his room by two soldiers. Others search the rooms, and uncover body of ten years old daughter of Hotel owner. Tenant of that room dies right there, poisoning oneself till foam out of the mouth, and slides down the wall. After they turn away two technicians coming to pick up someone qualified as outcastes, real psychologist comes. He turns to be an aged man, experienced and talkative. He exchanges addresses with boy with shrieking voice, promises to distressed woman degree in psychology and new job.
RESOLUTION: INT. HOTEL ROOM – MORNING
Le-na again looks into window. There is wife of that man, now arrested, who shoots woman at hotel room near theirs.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Yet another hotel. They lie in bed as outside are sirens at the distance. He embraces her, tense. But cars run by.
RESOLUTION to PART 2, Wrapping Up: INT. FIGHTING ROOM – DAY
Boy with shrieking voice went into grown up man, taking martial arts training.
INT. RESTRICTED ZONE – DAY
He endeavors to save a couple out of zone. As woman screams, closing her ears, hold by her man, he shoots back at a couple of people, shooting at him.
INT. TRIBUNAL – DAY
He gets sentenced. He doesn’t take it for real, but as a bad joke, as he really killed people. They then consent on him returning back to zone, now forever.
EXT. ROAD AND GRASS – DAY
Bus doors gets closed, and it leaves on its way.
INT. PRIVATE RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Le-na moves around the house, bearing sight of household, having kids, here and there, where they dropped clothes or toys, running for bus.
INT. GUESTROOM – DAY
Son of Main Commander sits as if thinking something over. Phone rings, but he doesn’t pick it up. Le-na awakes him from his thoughts. No, he not at all is going to go as a ward, this means imminent death. She worries, and starts to pull chain with pendant from her neck, as if to put on him as amulet, but he stops her.
He gets up, dons his military headwear and goes out. Le-na answers the phone. No, he is gone. She says.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE – DAY
He goes a distance away, then stops. Wind blows into his face. He Separates. Narrow opening with even edges separates front of his face in the middle. His facial expression doesn’t change. He keeps standing same pose.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
As sentenced ward, here incognito, discusses with psychologist his couple he brought out, who are passing exam now, and Le-na, who is here, crashed and lost her sanity.
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Variant 3
Son of Main Commander Dilema:
A. When he Separates (so it’s going backwards) at that moment, we understand there was drama we didn’t notice
B. It diminishes toward upstart of the story, when all we think is for Lena’s escape, so we buy audience with it
C. He never makes it
D. Love or Life
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Alice’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is
Applying questions to outline might serve as a tuning fork, not to forget the core behind actions.
Apply the first two questions to your outline.
1. Tell us your concept.
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
Dramatic Question: transition of society into techno epoch
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
At the Opening Scene, as Representation of SEPARATION. They communicate with nano-consciousness.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
We follow people from Research Institute, see cases of Separation, or use of point-atomic weapon
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
At the court, as justification not of harmful scientific acts
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
Main Conflict: is social, in between of castes
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
As protagonist has relationships with his lover, they experience reaction of others (pros and contras: he isn’t really loved by her, as she is that independent, he doesn’t try enslave her, etc. But main thing they don’t believe that they can stay together, or hate it and expect them drop on each other)
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story
By attitude of a crowd, when he asks where is she
By attitude of her neighbor who assures him, she left
By repulsion of Police Officer, refusing to accept his outlook on missing cases at RI
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
Antagonist is blamed also for massacred Protagonist, young and talented scientist, belonged to better population of the West, given benefits of Separation
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
Their social system changes, and they start filtering population and send outcastes into restricted reservations
OPENING SCENE:
Representation (Visuals) of how SEPARATION (an artificial nano death, insinuated by signal from human brain of the bearer, whereas face and chest are separated symmetrically by vertical line), works. Inside perspective. Life stream as if moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
EXT. TOP OF RESIDENTIAL – DAY
There is a basin on the roof, and man is fishing.
EXT. ON A PLANE
On a flight back home from resort area. At the North of Planet MIROPOLIS. Plane is to cross a length of seawater from resort area on another Archipelago back to the West Shore.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Phone rings, as he returns. That is Director of Research institute with assignment for him to be prepared by Monday.
INCITING INCIDENT:
One of the files appears to be dark, he cannot open it.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
He picks taxi up.
EXT. BEFOR GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
He jumps out of taxi, running inside.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
He quickly exchanges with night guard about reasons him coming at night.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
He opens file on computer. Printer doesn’t work, lacking paper.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
As he rummages at closet, he is encountered by security guard. They exchange, guard continues along the corridor.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
As he keeps working, radiophone beeps. “I love you” This is Kiat.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm works. Man jumps from bed.
INT. OFFICE – MORNING
As Protagonist looks into window, he can see this man, one of lab workers, coming. Kiat is still not there.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Amid couple of others, Hero walks now noisy corridor of Research Institute, holding his documents. Woman of rather small height passes him, walking at another direction. He turns after her, looking at her back. “Is it Anaupsh?”
FIRST TURNING POINT:
His girlfriend is missing amid personnel “Where is Kiat?” Other lab workers shed look on him, as if he’s been cheated, or dropped by
INT. BACK ROOM – MORNING
Kiat is murdered by someone looking like Anaupsh and one or two more people.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Hero calls Kiat. She doesn’t pick it up, and leaves a message.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
He looks at the watch, – she didn’t call back.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s neighbor says, Kiat doesn’t live here anymore, was absent for two days (as they been on weekend)
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s neighbor confirms, Kiat moved away. He doesn’t believe her.
INT. KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Police helps with the door. Money, clothes, and documents appear intact. Police officer implies, maybe she flied across the boundary.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist before the crowd of workers of Research Institute. As he talks of Kiat went missing without anyone giving much attention, he is considered by crowd, as unsuccessful lover. One man says, he had seen Kiat that day. And that couple of people took a leave.
INT. RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Protagonist comes by the address of one of those who took leave. His neighbors says, he left not saying goodbye.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Disturbed man comes, searching for his missing wife, who worked at RI. Protagonist warns him not to come back in here, as his wife is possibly killed.
INT. SOCIAL SERVICES – EVENING
Protagonist is waiting to see an officer, but changes his mind, and walks away.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls to secret police man of his acquaintance, but drops the phone.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director is some kind of a friend to Protagonist, and tries to give him sick leave when he says, one of the missing was his girlfriend. As protagonist tries to prove it is necessary to search the labs, Anaupsh enters. She is the head of development lab of DNA research. After her comes her assistant, tall freak, not young anymore. Hero remarks on strong body of Anaupsh and metallic plate, stuck at her sandal. Director lets him go. As he leaves, he observes them for a while, talking at the office.
EXT. BEFORE DIRECTOR’S – DAY
He walks out of the building, and strolls away.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director is murdered. Blood on the table. Anaupsh opens his cabinet with electronic key. Unlocks computer and washes out files from the list with info on exp from her lab. Her assistant rolls Director’s body in blue plastic.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist before crowd of RI’s workers. A couple more of people left, Head of one lab, and also Director is on leave.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero calls at Director’s. His wife says, he called her to say he drops on her, and asks for his stuff to be sent over the ocean.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
His son wants to go fishing on the roof. But glances at the face of his old father and small daughter, and remains.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
They peacefully making a tea.
INT. LIBRARY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – DAY
Protagonist accidentally runs on Anaupsh. He notices there is nor metallic plate stuck in her sandal any longer.
INT. RI’S CORRIDOR OF HERO’S DREAM – NIGHT
He’s having nightmare. Woman screams “He died from horror!”
INT. HERO’S BEDROOM – MORNING
He awakes from his nightmare.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm didn’t work. Man jumps from bed on his own, when it is too late.
EXT. BEFORE THE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Protagonist meets with that man before gates. They exchange. Man works in the lab at the same area, where people get disappearing.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
This man is tied up, his moth stuck. One scientist enters, and sees the picture. Assistant shoots him from the back, but he already separated. Now they cannot use his body.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Protagonist is having conversation with his friend, head of another lab, who complains, he has no one to report.
EXT. TRAIN STATION – EVENING
His friend is waiting for the train. Some figure is as if in the mist, over the distance.
INT. TRAIN – EVENING
Relieved, he boards the train, and takes his seat on the bench.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – EVENING
Protagonist persuades police officer about missing cases. Officer manifests with negativity, as Hero is clearly a developed caste, and sends him packing.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – EVENING
Protagonist picks up at the note, dropped on the floor. It is left by his friend about report. He jums paper in his fist, seeing his friend is gone!
INT. HERO’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
He awakes because someone is behind the door to his room.
MIDPOINT
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls his acquaintance at secret service, demanding they would say if missing cases were their job.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Protagonist visits his brother. He’s journalist, and keeps writing, even as they speak.
EXT. POLICE CAR – NIGHT
Police watches him over distance, listening to conversation with antenna.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT
Protagonist relates to his brother about missing cases.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
TV news. “In one of huge institutions people get disappear in one of the area of the lab works” Judge remarks that’s where his sister works.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero watches the news.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Journalist calls his brother to learn of impression. Hero is dissatisfied, saying, his report was misleading at broadcast.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh answers the phone.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge drops it down, hearing her voice.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh remarks that been her brother checking on her after watching the news, and she is OK. Sexy girl an assistant persuades how some people really disappeared. Anaupsh observes this girl’s sexy body.
INT. VIEW OF CLOSET FROM INSIDE – DAY
This sexy girl is rummaging at the closet, as someone closes her mouth, and picks her up from behind. That is her boyfriend who places a date with her.
INT. CAFE – NIGHT
Girl is waiting for him, but he doesn’t turn out.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
She leaves cafe and starts strolling along the street. Car stops, Anaupsh opens the door. Girl looks inside and sees her boyfriend, dead. She starts losing herself. Gets inside, and strokes his hair, then vomits.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
They pass by night guard, posing her boyfriend as drunk.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – NIGHT
Anaupsh proposes to restore him by the help of her work she conducted experiment for. She opens door to back room for her. Girl sees there construction from parts of human bodies and drops on the floor.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Control group, in amount of one aged man and young lady sent by organization comes to check at what is happening at Research Institute.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
As Anaupsh tries to make her way through the talk, they ask her of the area, as they can see on a map. Then assistant hits man from behind unconscious. But girl puts a gun on them. At this moment secret door opens from inside, by Anaupsh’ another girl assistant. Girl turns away at its direction, and male assistant blows her gun away.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
They both are beaten up, unconscious.
INT. SOME LAB – DAY
Protagonist on his way around to check labs meets opposition from aged scientist.
INT. DYNAMICS LAB – EVENING
Two guys in this lab tell Hero, how they protect with guns. They assured him they are waiting for those who do this to come, and don’t lock the doors.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – MORNING
Protagonist passes by Dynamics Lab, its door seems closed. He tries it, and it opens, room same as it was, no men.
SECOND TURNING POINT:
Protagonist gets contacted by secret service officer. He affirms they also lost a number of people on Institute’s ground, and that he was afraid to pass inside.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
That officer who spoke with scientist reports to top officer, as that one receives a call with indications from above. Not to do much. Top officer remarks that might be correct approach. Let everyone be gone, apart from one left, who’ve done it.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – EVENING
Strolling along, Protagonist looks into open lab and sees there girl assistant of Anaupsh rummaging through documents. She says she had to sort that out.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Walking past Anaupsh’s lab, Protagonist can hear noise behind the wall, something knocks. He is surprised.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Night guard confirms everyone from that lab are gone for the night.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – MORNING
Hero waits for Anaupsh to come, to check her lab. She lets him in, saying it’s development nocking.
CRISIS:
She opens back room for him, and he can see huge animated construction, composed from human bodies, managed by DNA exchange. He recognizes it here and there. Passes out.
EXT. BACK STREET – EVENING
Officer who came to RI calls his top officer, saying, scientist does not answer his calls. He drops the phone and turns to go away, but is shot from behind a corner out of vehicle.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets notified, his employee went arrested for interest in this case. He is stunned. Upon consideration, exits office via back door.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets out, considers cars nearby, walks down, and is shot from behind.
CLIMAX:
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium. Two scientists at presidium get alarmed, but Anaupsh smartly lets her creation into outside world, to float at the sky. They sound alarm then.
EXT. CITY SCAPE – EVENING
Judge’s son again strolls along the roof with fishing line and barrel. View of monsters in the sky makes him lose his step and he falls from the edge of the roof. He succeeds at holding at some architectural pieces down there, as monster comes rather closer to his view. Aircraft dispatch comes on helicopters, and spreads point-direct atomic weapon at the creature. Keeping his hold, he starts sneezing, and endeavors turn away or shield somehow.
INT. COURT – DAY
As Judge heads ahead to preside, he is blamed into back. Everyone knows that is his sister in the process, who he is going now justify.
RESOLUTION:
Anaupsh and her assistants are facing the court. Judge keeps asking questions in such a way that he uncovers her rotten nature. He then says, he’s unsure of what punishment, and that how, maybe, even if his kids, but separate somehow away into zones people of such kind so that they won’t be able to do crimes of such scape. Anaupsh observes him, and suddenly says “Don’t Separate!” He looks back at her, and as if from opposition, separates. His face moves apart, leaving narrow space, vertical, and smooth, leading into depth of the head, as other parts also have moved. As he continues to sit at same pose, common with Separation, across the room passes gush of astonishment. His subtle body, recognizable, consciously moves along the middle, to exit the court.
EXT. SITY STREET – DAY
Journalist brother of late scientist watches street screens, streaming the process. He immediately recognizes, what it is going to be.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
His son gets interviewed.
INT. EDITORIAL OFFICE – NIGHT
Late Protagonist’s journalist brother gets criticized by his editor. What would people think of Separation after reading “Man after Separating, walked along the ail?”
EXT. CONSTRUCTION CITE – DAY
People with strict faces are at building construction, meant for outcastes.
“First Social Services were doing it, then when jails went full, they got that wasn’t enough, and called in military…”
Part 2
1. Tell us your concept.
Concept:
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
Dramatic Question: where they go with zones
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
MIROPOLIS is shown seventy years later, when they have zone rservations
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
Inside of Zone there no rules. Crimes won’t be punished. But wards are prohibited to use weapon on civil inside of a zone, or they get sentenced. Initial idea was to bring qualified back from reservations
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
On an example of young military who becomes ward, sacrificing himself, as it is up to us
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
Main Conflict: Society under civil war, Building world upon new rules
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
At Hotel #1, as two military come to expose Son of Main Commander
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
With two officers at a Hotel
At the lobby of Hotel when he tries to make a phone call
At a Hospital
As they are saved by regiment
At Hotel #2 when they are exposed by camera watch
As they arrest till morning
As ward gets sentenced
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
Main Hero Separates
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
It’s up to us
They would continue with reservations
OPENING SCENE: Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
INCITING INCIDENT: Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
INT. RESIDENTIAL ZONE – DAY
Ward unlocks his new apartment, belonged prior to his predecessor.
INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – DAY
Le-na visits him. She never takes a bath, to repel other residents.
FIRST TURNING POINT: He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors. They start to be intimate. They take shower together, but he only does superficial sex.
MIDPOINT: His window is bulletproof, but door has space underneath. After knocking at his locked door didn’t help, residents put smoke via this opening. Ward then streams water outside.
SECOND TURNING POINT: Helicopter brings boxes with goodies. Ward unlocks the door. Le-na’s bitch mother comes asking for her. Ward replies, he put a report, and Le-na is to be evacuated back to outside world. Freaking aged guy jumps inside, asking to be taken back also, offering money. Ward refuses. Freak shoots him down to death.
Le-na’s family members run in, starting robbing apartment, goodies box first. “Why did you wash yourself?” screams bitch mother. She checks her, and sees, she is still virginal. Then she rapes her, pushing small bottle inside. Le-na passes out.
CRISIS: Le-na awakes. Room is robbed of everything. She sees Ward in the spirit, as subtle image in the room. Then they communicate. He says, Le-na must prepare to kill her mother, as she comes back. She looks around, and sees nothing like a weapon. He keeps going “see this barrel? There is an acid in it, if to poor it upon a person, he would die!” Le-na picks up large barrel, right when her mother’s steps are heard. As that one enters, she splashes acid on her.
Ward directs her to pick up report and go upstairs.
INT. ATTIC – DAY
Vast room with glass ceiling along the walls has special mail boxes, one for each apartment. Le-na puts report into mail box, and pulls at lever. Via glass walls one can see how report swiftly goes upward, beyond the roof.
Girl new comer descends stairs. She demonstrative lay approaches Le-na. Takes gun out. They fight. Le-na uses martial skills she picked up from Ward. She blows gun away, picks it up and shoots girl down.
Ward directs her to run on the roof, where there must be a helicopter that brought new comer.
CLIMAX: Le-na runs up to the pilot and deceives him, saying she was brought down to restricted zone by mistake. She promises him her parents would pay him!
RESOLUTION: EXT. HELICOPTER CABIN – EVENING
They take into air. Pilot asks for her address. “Quiet Street, Small House!” Le-na says. Pilot gets he was deceived. “Point gun at him!” says Ward’s voice. Le-na puts gun on him. His radio works, and Le-na screams for pilot. Man on that end of the line hears female voice.
INCITING INCIDENT: INT. TECHNO STATION – EVENING
Le-na is picked up by high rang military. She recognizes him being special, and tries to pull shirt away from his back, to see if there isn’t body mark as well.
FIRST TURNING POINT: INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
They become intimate.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Servant rolls in table with refreshment and some wine bottles, as he gets astonished, seeing Le-na standing totally naked amid the room.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Two officers come to expose her lover. They have a moment and exchange names. He says, he’s a Son of Main Commander, which is his rang.
MIDPOINT: INT. HOTEL’S LOBBY – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander descends with Le-na into lobby. He directs her to wait him at the glass doors. And tries to place a phone call, but line is dead. “You will pay me for that! “ he says to hotel’s owner. And receives a blow.
INT. HOSPITAL COMPARTMENT – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander awakes, Le-na sits near. “How did you do that?” She says she used street phone and asked for the Father the Main Commander.
Nurse enters, behaving suspiciously. Then Le-na picks up small bottle, and says “In this bottle there is an acid. I will pour it over you, and you will die!” Nurse looks at the bottle and starts laughing.
He calls for regiment, then they lock inside the room.
They hear noise outside at the corridor, that being small military dispatch. He likes the voice of some young officer, and they unlock for them. Commanding officer of dispatch freaks out and get tied up by his own soldiers. Then young officer takes on himself commandment. He reports, they are surrounded by enemies. Son of Main Commander recognizes him as careerist. Enemies being regiment he called for.
EXT. AT HELICOPTERS – MORNING
As they are on the go to helicopter, saved by regiment, he arguments with regiment commander.
SECOND TURNING POINT: INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT.
As they are staying at the hotel, now a couple, he sits on bed in clothes. Le-na reacts and after pulling his socks away, washing her hands, picks up bottle and pushes inside sex organs. He catches at her and hits. “Why have you done it?” She explains, she no longer has blood (she’ s lucking, and he is indifferent). He laughs with joy, explaining that is a pregnancy.
Their activity is overlooked by man in bright lit window across the street. He threatens them, gesturing, and dresses up to go out.
CRISIS: INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR – NIGHT
It appears, Hotel was stuffed with video cameras to observe tenants, by agreement of that man across the street and Hotel owner. Military came, and all tenants get out of their rooms. As Son of Main Commander arguments matter with Commanding Officer, that one freaks out and gets tied up by his own soldiers. Soldiers get lost, but one of them, still young, and with shrieking voice, starts giving commands.
CULMINATION:
One of cameras made video of something white in dark lobby. Hotel owner suddenly gets ill and is escorted to his room by two soldiers. Others search the rooms, and uncover body of ten years old daughter of Hotel owner. Tenant of that room dies right there, poisoning oneself till foam out of the mouth, and slides down the wall. After they turn away two technicians coming to pick up someone qualified as outcastes, real psychologist comes. He turns to be an aged man, experienced and talkative. He exchanges addresses with boy with shrieking voice, promises to distressed woman degree in psychology and new job.
RESOLUTION: INT. HOTEL ROOM – MORNING
Le-na again looks into window. There is wife of that man, now arrested, who shoots woman at hotel room near theirs.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Yet another hotel. They lie in bed as outside are sirens at the distance. He embraces her, tense. But cars run by.
RESOLUTION to PART 2, Wrapping Up: INT. FIGHTING ROOM – DAY
Boy with shrieking voice went into grown up man, taking martial arts training.
INT. RESTRICTED ZONE – DAY
He endeavors to save a couple out of zone. As woman screams, closing her ears, hold by her man, he shoots back at a couple of people, shooting at him.
INT. TRIBUNAL – DAY
He gets sentenced. He doesn’t take it for real, but as a bad joke, as he really killed people. They then consent on him returning back to zone, now forever.
EXT. ROAD AND GRASS – DAY
Bus doors gets closed, and it leaves on its way.
INT. PRIVATE RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Le-na moves around the house, bearing sight of household, having kids, here and there, where they dropped clothes or toys, running for bus.
INT. GUESTROOM – DAY
Son of Main Commander sits as if thinking something over. Phone rings, but he doesn’t pick it up. Le-na awakes him from his thoughts. No, he not at all is going to go as a ward, this means imminent death. She worries, and starts to pull chain with pendant from her neck, as if to put on him as amulet, but he stops her.
He gets up, dons his military headwear and goes out. Le-na answers the phone. No, he is gone. She says.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE – DAY
He goes a distance away, then stops. Wind blows into his face. He Separates. Narrow opening with even edges separates front of his face in the middle. His facial expression doesn’t change. He keeps standing same pose.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
As sentenced ward, here incognito, discusses with psychologist his couple he brought out, who are passing exam now, and Le-na, who is here, crashed and lost her sanity.
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Entertainment Value Rating
A. To what degree does it evoke emotion?
B. To what degree does it intrigue or create curiosity?
C. To what degree does it make us want to read on?
D. To what degree does it divert us from our livees?
What I learned doing this assignment is very often I keep hating scene, knowing it is boring. No enterntainment. From another side, I am not very easy to please, and I might find scene I love be entertaining. But maybe they do carry intrigue…
I really need to make it shorter, and less persuasive as it being consecutive, cut it often.
MIDPOINT
1. (E5) INT. OLD ELEVATOR ROCK PLATFORM ON TOP FLOOR – MORNING
Keepers and Guards observe old elevator.
2. (E5) INT. TOP PLATFORM – MORNING
Keepers and Lensor walk down the platform, discussing anomaly of the place.
3. (E6) INT. ROOM OF OMNIVOL – MORNING
Omnivol in her Room.
4. (E3) INT. SECOND FLOOR – MORNING
Lensor discusses Abalone Shell.
5. (E6) INT. TOP FLOOR – MORNING
Gold babysits Rami and Pebble. Rami asks about bat on top of elevator.
6. (E5) INT. ROOM OF OMNIVOL – MORNING
Disheveled discuss the place.
7. (E4) INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – MORNING
Board discussion.
8. (E6) INT. TOP PLATFORM – DAY
Common Gathering. Mindless refuse idea to exchange their shelter.
9. (E5) INT. TOP PLATFORM – DAY
Keepers decide to find info about their underground shelter.
10. (E3) INT. TOP FLOOR – DAY
They install IDENTIFIER.
11. (E5) INT. ROOM OF SILICIUM – AFTERNOON
Silicium talks to Diamond and Gilding. It’s a bit riski talk.
12. (E7) INT. OMNIVOL’S ROOM – DAY
Omnivol questions Identifier’s installation.
13. (E8) INT. BASEMENT – DAY
Tandem comes down to basement to speak with Omnivol, and notices piece of magma on her table.
14. (E5) INT. TOP PLATFORM – DAY
Tandem addresses Keeper Lime about Omnivol.
15. (E3) INT. TOP FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Magnet talks with Silicium.
16. (E4) INT. YARD – AFTERNOON
Man gambling.
17. (E7) INT. ROOM OF OMNIVOL – NIGHT
Omnivol banishes rest of Disheveled behind the doors.
18. (E8) INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Lime descends to check upon Omnivol.
19. (E5) INT. TOP FLOOR – NIGHT
Magnet walking top platform. Encounter with Abalone Shell.
20. (E7) INT. OMNIVOL’S ROOM – NIGHT
Omnivol tells Abalone Shell of her discovery.
SECOND TURNING POINT
1. (E5) INT. OFFICE – MORNING
Quartz calls Stone over the phone. Stone is to fly away.
2. (E6) INT. ROOM OF OMNIVOL – AFTERNOON
Omnivol mentions amid Disheveled circle, she wants Cameo be sacrificed for infusions with her concoction.
4.INT. SECOND PLATFORM – DAY
Keepers, Star and Lensor descend on Second Floor, as Star heads for Identifier to find some data (now they have net connection).
6. (E4) INT. PLATFORM – MORNING
Platinum, Carbon and Tandem build additional staircase.
7. (E6) INT. DINNING ROOM – DAY
Blond Disheveled escapes dining room to steal pregnancy medicine from Crystal’s room.
9. (E6) INT. CRYSTAL’S ROOM – AFTERNOON
Crystal notices pregnancy medicine disappearance too late, but is saved by Platinum.
10. (E4) INT. TOP PLATFORM – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium talk, observing commotion.
11. (E7) INT. TOP PLATFPRM – DAY
Quartz picks up Video to watch.
12. (E6) INT. TOP PLATFORM BEFORE KEEPER’S ROOM – DAY
Teens go into Keepers’ room to watch video, as women gather at the Second Floor at Mindless Headquarters.
13. (E8) INT. SECOND FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium talk to Platinum, who relates them an allegory.
14. (E7) INT. KEEPERS ROOM – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium enter Keepers’ room right at the moment when video showcases image of headless child.
16. (E5) INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star notices link on research of planetary areas, their subject, which she cannot open.
17. (E5) INT. ROOM OF SILICIUM – AFTERNOON
Cameo tries to console Diamond.
19. (E6) INT. KEEPERS’ ROOM – AFTERNOON
Hydro and Quartz watch video again.
15. (E5) INT. YARD – AFTERNOON
As Carbon and Silicium discuss all of it with Platinum, he is called from upstairs.
20. (E6) INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star shows Keepers broken link, and they decide it is to be cracked for info.
21. (E5) INT. CRYSTAL’S ROOM – EVENING
Crystal tells Magnesium of predicament she feels, not to give any birth.
3.INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – DAY
Board discusses necessity to Copy Data for Stone, so that he would bring it to Another Planet, Slider and save it.
22. (E4) INT. SECOND FLOOR – EVENING
Lime decides to put all kids together for the night.
23. (E6) INT. ROOM OF IDENTIFIER – EVENING
Star puts identification program to work.
24. (E8) INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – NIGHT
Quartz shows Lime and Hydro information on underground he discovered in printouts. Omnivol tries to reach Identifier, but is caught and turned away.
25. (E6) INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Magnet in a shower.
26. (E6) INT. ROOM OF PLATINUM AND TANDEM – NIGHT
Platinum and Gilding before intercourse.
27. (E7) INT. LIME’S DREAM – NIGHT
Lime’s allegorical dream featuring his distant lover.
RESOLUTION
1. (E8) INT. PLATINUM’S DREAM – IN DARKNESS
Platinum sees a dream of him falling into deep dark, accompanied by Crystal and Gilding.
2. (E7) INT. MAGNET’S DREAM – MORNING
Magnet dreams of Crystallon alive.
3. (E7) INT. ROOM ON TOP – AFTERNOON
Higher Caste is still together after they spent the night.
4. (E6) INT. OFFICE OUT OF TIME AND SPACE – DAY
It shows result of long calculation on paper, a raw of xxxxx, predicament, one the same process.
5. (E7) INT. ONE OF ABANDONES ROOMS – AFTERNOON
Omnivol and Abalone Shell awake, and separate, she to find Higher Caste, he downstairs, searching for bullets to load his gun.
6. (E8) INT. ROOM UPSTAIRS – AFTERNOON
Lime suggests they should report the case. Omnivol comes, and is shot by Lensor.
7. (E5)INT. LARGE STORAGE CLOSET – AFTERNOON
Higher Caste weaponized themselves with protective clothes.
8. (E8) INT. ROOM UPSTAIRS – AFTERNOON
They plan to descend back into underground shelter.
9. (E8) INT. UPPER CORRIDOR – AFTERNOON
Guards kill Male Disheveled on the way to elevators.
10. (E8) INT. TOP FLOOR – DARKNESS
They arrive downstairs. Keepers’ group heads for Identifier. Maintainers’ group grabs at Gilding and takes elevator back.
11. (E4) INT. STORAGE ROOM – AFTERNOON
Guards install metallic shield with electric bulb to stream light downstairs. Lensor sends Silicium after Magnet, to help him with wires.
12. (E10) INT. UNDERGROUND – AFTERNOON
Your Daughter gets swallowed by the grown leaves of a monstrous growth.
13. (E8) INT. TOP PLATFORM – AFTERNOON
Mindless people jump down looking for their kids, disappearing all together, as Lime overlooks it.
14. (E9) EINT. ROOM ON TOP – AFTERNOON
Silicium returns to others, but is incapable to call Magnet down, as she falls asleep right as she sits. Magnesium leaves Crystal to go downstairs also.
15. (E4) INT. ROOM UPSTAIRS – AFTERNOON
Crystal begs Silicium to accompany Magnesium.
16. (E3) INT. UPWARD CORRIDOR AND ELEVATORS – AFTERNOON
Elevators don’t work and Silicium is obliged to take a longer way via corridors.
17. (E2) INT. TOP PLATFORM – AFTERNOON
Magnesium reaches top platform and heads to his room to write into diary.
18. (E4) INT. INNER STAIRCASE – AFTERNOON
Silicium stumbles on dead body of Tandem.
19. (E6) INT. BASEMENT – AFTERNOON
Abalone Shell sees light streaming down, as Lensor fixes electricity. He makes upstairs, unnoticeable for them, as they descend.
20. (E3) INT. INNER STAIRCASE UPWARD – AFTERNOON
Magnesium discovers Tandem’s body, and gets injured.
21. (E4) INT. SECOND FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Guards saw log down, blocking them a way.
22. (E8) INT. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR – AFTERNOON
Gold follows Carbon, as keeps deception of possibility to survive on.
23. (E8) INT. SECOND FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Keepers and guards reach room with Identifier, to discover, Omnivol connected cable to the growing atrocity.
24. (E8) INT. TOP FLOOR GALLERY – AFTERNOON
Gold and Carbon went to top platform, keep searching for Tandem.
25. (E7) INT. TOP PLATFORM – AFTERNOON
Abalone Shell escapes to elevators, past Gold and Carbon, and takes one up.
26. (E7) INT. TOP FLOOR GALLERY – AFTERNOON
Gold and Carbon can hear someone took elevator.
27. (E5) INT. SECOND FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Quartz sends Guards away to check on, and they separate, Silicium into gateless way, Lensor by Rock Stairs, swapping brothers duo on his way.
28. (E6) INT. INNER STAIRCASE – DAY
Silicium discovers Magnesium.
29. (E8) INT. ROOM ON TOP – AFTERNOON
Magnet awakes, as Abalone Shell comes back, to be met by Platinum with his speech on redemption.
30. (E7) INT. ROOM OF IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Lime pulls out programming card, and Identifier starts streaming information on planet’s quick destruction.
31. (E7) INT. OFFICE HOUSING IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Multiple of Identifiers here and there put onto screens emergency information.
32. (E7) INT. ROOM ON TOP – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Abalone Shell have a duel, exchange weapons, and Lensor guns Abalone down.
33. (E10) INT. FLYING STATION – AFTERNOON
Man at flying station sends his woman to destroy the place. She calls back on him, saying it’s done, and their flying station gets destroyed.
34. (E9) INT. TOP PLATFORM – AFTERNOON
Quartz faces apocalypses, as elevator won’t arrive.
35. (E7) INT. UPPER CORRIDOR – AFTERNOON
Lime gets a creature on his shoulders.
36. (E8) INT. TOP PLATFORM – AFTERNOON
Elevator works, and Quartz takes it upstairs.
37. (E7) INT. ROOM ON TOP – AFTERNOON
Lime comes back to survived group. Quartz follows him. They explain, it’s the end. Male move to females, in long awaited sexual desire to be realized. Gilding speaks a word, as Platinum bends over her.
38. (E7) INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE THE ROOM UPSTAIRS – AFTERNOON
Lensor removes with Gold into corridor, and they get destroyed there.
39. (E8) INT. ROOM ON TOP – AFTERNOON
Magnet and Crystal exchange clothes. Woman crawls to them by corridor, the one to blow up a place. They keep love each other, as Magnet and Silicium get destroyed at a spot. But Carbon and Crystal are still there. Magnesium comes back, dying. Gilding comes to her senses, and asks for weapon. Place gets destroyed.
40. (E10) INT. VAST ROOM – EVENING
Commotion at a big place, where people do suicide.
41. (E10) INT. TUNNEL – EVENING
People go by the tunnel into spacecraft. But that one has no time to leave, and gets destroyed.
42. (E6) INT. COSMIC STATION ON THE ORBIT – NIGHT
Cosmic station with accidental survivals.
43. (E9) EXT. COSMIC – NIGHT
View of planet in brown logs.
44. (E8) EXT. OTHER PLANET TWENTY YEARS LATER – DAY
At a Slider, another planet on orbital. Renom gets persuaded by tribal to take a new wife, as his sister browsing answers to situation via Identifier. It predicts her marriage to the prince.
45. (E10) EXT. AT SPACESHIP ENTRANCE – NIGHT
As his sister visits him, Renom gets beaten up for spoiling his wife with magic, as she suffers at her pregnancy.
46. (E9) INT. SCREEN OF IDENTIFIER – LATER
Screen of Identifier gets alive with typing. It turns into 3D structure, of new technological world, now on Slider, where heroes move, in their new attire, without knowledge of former events.
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Alice’s Character Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is I noticed there is a hole in a middle, as it has been. Which prevents me to make it for a scenario with story. Maybe it is just that there are a couple of lines to the story, and it might stay this way, this hole be filled by Protagonists, Higher Caste, working on perseverance with Identifier machine, as they Copy Data.
I’ve got two catalysts, man and woman supportive roles, an additional protagonist,
Higher Caste staying for Protagonist
And one more or less dissent Antagonist so far
I can’t help it. Let it be Ensamble, I always thought it’s a mozaic, maybe just needs to be put together
1.
Silicium
Guard, newcomer
Core Character Traits
A bit rough
Romanticized
A bit introvert
Trained
Character Subtext Logline
Silicium is additional Guard who acts as catalyst, when Magnet falls in love with him.
Character Arc
Parts to be changed: He finds new love, but loses his sister Diamond
Biggest fear: His love to be dead, or else insensitive
Completion of Arc: He has sex with Magnet
2.
Beginning: Comes as additional Guard with his sister Diamond to Northern habitation.
Middle: He befriends Lensor, and falls in love with Magnet. Loses his sister Diamond.
End: Survives till final destruction of their place. Has sexual Inter course before the end.
3.
Broad Strokes
1. Silicium comes as additional Guard to serve at underground habitation under Quartz.
2. When their end is confirmed, Silicium has sex with Magnet, who they developed mutual feeling with, and dies together with her during intercourse.
2.
Magnet
Woman Maintainer, wife to Crystalline
Core Character Traits
Introvert
Intelligent
Attractive
Life Metaphor/Identity: She is attracted by personalities of realized people, and would only choose a partner of her caste
Character Subtext Logline
Magnet is Woman Maintainer who acts as catalyst as Silicone falls in love with her.
Character Arc
Parts to be Changed: She loses her husband, but falls in love with Silicium
Biggest Fear: Not being able to accomplish herself
Completion of Ark: She dies during intercourse
2.
Beginning: She descends with her husband and daughter into underground habitation.
Middle: She loses her husband and daughter, and refuses Abalone Shell
End: Survives till the distraction of the place and dies during intercourse.
3.
Details
1.Magnet sees a nightmare, predicament of the future of Revozvrander.
2. Magnet disassembled Identifier together with Platinum.
3. Descends with others into underground
4. Discusses with Crystalline their stakes to survive
5. Loses her daughter Rami to Disheveled
6. Loses her husband at Culmination, as place gets destroyed
7. Is picked up by Silicium and Sensor and is carried upstairs
8. Descends by elevators in the group at morning, as they recover Gilding
9. Gets destroyed during intercourse with Silicium
3. Antagonist
Omnivol
Woman Disheveled
Core Character Traits
Sinister
Hateful
Manipulative
Inventive
Persuasive
Secret: She hides what research for, and discovery
Mission/Agenda: To realize her research into reality
Want/Need: To prove her significance, keep Abalone Shell
Life Metaphor/Identity: Rotten to the core, she would rather be prompted to destroy the world if together with her adversaries
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: She would continue to be a person like Disheveled, as much as she tries to prove herself significant
Character Subtext Logline
Omnivol is Disheveled Woman, occupying with science, who makes discovery and creates ever expanding matter, absorbing any organics, shaped by the form of living being, with roots and brunches, which grows and destroys the planet.
2.
Beginning: She puts plaster into tube with magma she programmed
Middle: Creates animated Monster by infusing dead body of Diamond
End: Is shot down by Guards
3.
Details
1. Puts plaster, expanding matter, into tube with magma
2. Watches snowfall and descends into underground shelter
3. Makes her discovery to be programed
4. Tries to reach Identifier, for programming
5. Uses situation to lure children into Basement
6. Infuses dead body of Diamond, and creates animated monster
7. Murders other kids to use as feeding matter for planted monster
8. Kills her Blond Assistant
9. Deceives till monster won’t start growing, as Crystalline touches it
10. Programs it via Identifier, temporarily restricting its growth
11. Is shot by Guards
4.
Abalone Shell
Man Maintainer, Semi-antagonist
Core Character Traits
Week
Sometimes Aggressive
Unstable
Want/Need: He wishes Magnet for his partner
World View: He hates social system they live in
Secret: They’ve got a plan, and he would receive Magnet
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: He wishes to be Higher Caste full member, it is just he was manipulated by Omnivol into her intrigue, and misery
Character Subtext Logline: Abalone Shell is second man Maintainer who is manipulated by Omnivol and keeps her secret, in a false hope that Magnet would be his!
2.
Beginning: He meets Silicium and Diamond at the doors
Middle: Helps, covers for Omnivol with her dark plot and scientific discovery
End: Is shot down by Lensor as they have duel
3.
Details
1. Lets in newcomers
2. Descends into underground
3. Covers for Omnivol as she involves him into her plan idea
4. Helps her with wires as she needs to program the beast
5. Fights Tandem
6. Kills Tandem
7. Is shot by Lensor
5. An Additional Protagonist
Stone
Committee member, distant relative of prince Agan and Keepers
Core Character Traits
Man Enigma
All-knowledgeable
Kind
An Authority
What makes this character unique?
He leaves Revozvrander by Spaceship for another planet Slider, and takes with himself database of supra-knowledge, to save it
Character Subtext Logline: Stone is Higher Caste authority who abandons his planet and saves knowledge database.
2.
Beginning: He weds his sister to Agan, and decides to leave by space craft as they are gone
Middle: Contacts Quartz and is given Battery with Data, supra-knowledge
End: He and his family members are to live amid tribal on Slider
3.
Broad Strokes
1. Stone marries his sister to Agan, to maintain tradition
2. Refuses to withdraw into underground habitation
3. Makes it the way he wanted, getting Data
4. Leaves Spinner with his family members
5. Supports them on Slider planet, as they mature and educate
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Alice’s SLW Version 1
Concept:
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
Lead Characters:
Protagonist: young talented scientist of Research Institute who’s girlfriend went missing, searching for who’ve done it
Antagonist: Anaupsh, head of development lab, who massacres RI workers to create animated monster
Protagonist #2 Judge who is to lead the process, finds Anaupsh guilty, proposes zones for outcastes, and Separates.
Plot/Structure: (Tell us the Plot number and type. Then give us the 9 beats of your structure.)
7. The Riddle
12. Transformation
Structure:
1. Opening
Representation of how SEPARATION works. Life moves on another rails. What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
2. Inciting Incident
On a flight back home from resort area.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
This is going to be on the ground of Research Institute, where Anaupsh massacres its workers. But that’s also at another planet, named MIROPOLIS, and has to do with advanced science and discrimination of castes.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
His girlfriend is missing amid lab personnel. “ Where is Kiat?”
5. Mid-Point
Protagonist get contacted by secret service officer after his journalist brother streams confusing news to illustrate the case.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Protagonist gets massacred, officers who contacted him shot.
7. Crisis
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium.
8. Climax
Scandalous process. Judge gives a speech and separates right at the court.
9. Resolution
Upstart with residences for outcastes.
Character Arc:
Protagonist Character Arc:
Part to be changed: He needs to find out, who’ve done it, and what happened?
Biggest fear: His biggest fear is what he sees in Anaupsh’s lab
Completion of arc: His example as martyr changes social structure of the West. For separatable humanity
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
Dramatic Question:
This is happened in another planet, and yet it’s relevant. It’s how they made their way we are going to.
c. Main conflict:
How we do with all of these, facing social questions.
d. Dilemma:
Protagonist #1: He lost his girlfriend, he must pay with his life.
Judge: He’s unhappy, maybe living amid, managing it, with his subtle body inside. He’s put to justify antagonist, all people hating him, pointing fingers. As it is his fault. But he’s honest.
His separation (someone with subtle body) they given him this artificial death. It’s predicament of Future.
Theme:
e. Theme:
Techno techno society, nano-particles, division into castes, and self development.
3. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
This a question of very key point good versus evil, as it touches on physical body. How we want it. Not a soul, not a spirit, but a body.
4. AFTER:
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
Main Conflict: is social, in between of castes
Dramatic Question: transition of society into techno epoch
Judges Dilemma: how he who he is would do in this situation, so he cannot do otherwise, but Separate
Theme:
2. BEFORE:
Concept:
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
Lead Characters:
LENA, girl born inside of restricted reservation who runaways from it
WARD, who picks up at Le-na to liberate her
Son of Main Commander, top military who picks up Le-na outside and falls in love with her
Plot/Structure:
For Le-na inside of Reservation only: 5. Escape
For Le-na and Son of Commander: 9. Underdog
For Le-na via all the story: 13. Maturation
Structure:
1. Opening
Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
2. Inciting Incident
Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
MIROPOLIS seventy years after they started with zones.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
Ward meets Le-na .
5. Mid-Point
He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Ward is shot down.
7. Crisis
Le-na burns her stepmother who came back to kill her with acid from the barrel.
8. Climax
Le-na deposits report, fights her way via girl, picks up a gun, and deceives helicopter pilot.
9. Resolution
Le-na is picked up by high rang military.
Le-na outside of reservation
1. Le-na communicates with young high rang military who picked her up at his last gig of technology station.
2. He brings her to hotel room, where they have sex.
Two officers come to expose him.
He tries to make phone call downstairs, but receives a blow.
3/4 He awakes at the hospital, where they finish up locking doors, till military dispatch comes. Main officer freaks out and gets tied up. One of young military starts giving orders, but reports they are in a siege. Finally they get rescued by regiment he requested by phone.
5. As he discovers that Le-na, now married to him, went pregnant, they get blamed he abuses her, at their stay at another hotel. Military come, main officer freaks out and gets tied up. One of the boys starts giving orders. They search hotel rooms, discover dead body of ten years old, daughter of hotel owner, who goes mad. Psychologist comes and they all exchange contacts.
7. Boy matures, and gets ward training. As he is inside of reservation, he holds not from shooting to bring young couple outside. They themselves report how brave he went. He faces tribunal, with Son of Main Commander and Psychologist also present. They officially sentence him to death, but in realty would let him come back to reservation, now forever.
8. Son of Main Commander separates.
Character Arc:
Le-na
Part to be changed: She wants to runaway, be liberated
Biggest fear: There is now here to run, no action to save it
Completion of arc: She reaches what she could’ve desire but crashes
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
d. Dilemma:
Ward: he must hide it, and his love to her, and if he kills. Either he have sex with Le-na, or he writes report to liberate her. Because if she is his partner, they won’t believe he’s honest, reporting.
Le-na: She cannot live not only amid people in reservation, but amid those outside as well. She looks, needs, demands for someone higher. She had no sex with that Ward, who she continues to love. And lives with another, who is good, but not enough heroic, maybe?
Son of Main Commander: If he goes to reservation as a ward, this means death, and he would lose them (Le-na and kids), he also is her only support. He won’t stop reservations from existence, he himself invests in it.
How many girls are going to die inside of reservation, no ward to help them?
Theme:
e. Theme:
Meaning: even at TECHNO world we continue to be human, techno is built to suite human needs.
Lesson: How civilization transits with free flow of information, resources availability, and sheds old clothes of former social structure.
Moral: What it means to be human. Struggle of self developed ones in social structure.
3. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
4. AFTER:
Concept:
Lead Characters:
Plot/Structure:
0. Lena and Son of Main commander at techno station.
1. Hotel #1, they get intimate
2. Hospital #1, they are suspected
3. Helicopter(s) again, as they get saved by regiment
4. Hotel #2, military dispatch, they are amid crowd
5. Hotel #3, they are alone
6. Zone again, martial arts
7. Tribunal, ward sentenced
8. Private home, Protagonist SEPARATES
9. Hospital #2, as Lena lost it
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
Son of Main Commander Dilemma: the way he is he must Separate, as it is too huge. To go as a ward makes no sense, and his wife is constant remainder of how it is with zones
Mai Conflict: in between of special people with individuality who try to build up world by the rules so that it would be possible exist and all those which we know, like flow tendencies
Dramatic Question: where they go with zones
Theme: Liberation
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Alice’s Character Profiles
What I learned doing this assignment is
I wish to create CP for every hero, and work on additional traits, and see together
Characters sparkle with new colors, when done so
Everything falls as cardboard box when small group of casted techno-society descends into underground shelter to spend centuries-long winter, to appear at epicenter of destruction of their planet Revozvrander.
2. Character Profilles
Lime
Second Keeper, Quartz’ brother
Core Character Traits
Ironic
Charismatic
Knowledgeable
Sophisticated
Character Subtext Logline: Lime is Second Keeper who often acts as speaker for his brother Quartz.
Character Arc
Parts to be changed: He is to witness end of his planet and casted society
Biggest fear: to be forced to live under abnormal conditions
Completion of Arc: He disconnects program, reinforcing planet’s destruction
Gilding
Lime’s youngest daughter, half-sister of Crystal, and Platinum’s fiancé.
Core Character Traits
Keeps to herself
Clever
Independent
Character Subtext Logline: Gilding is young adult who is in love with Platinum.
What makes this character unique? She loses sanity after she witnesses transformation of dead Diamond into animated monster, but restores right before their end
Carbon
Belongs to Higher Caste, older brother of Gold.
Core Character Traits
Rough
Gloomy
Experienced
Character Subtext Logline
Want/Need: He loves Crystal
Life Metaphor/ Identity: Live dog is better than dead lion
Secrete: He is pretending he is just that simple
Silicium
Guard, newcomer
Core Character Traits
A bit rough
Romanticized
A bit introvert
Trained
Character Subtext Logline: Silicium is additional Guard who acts as catalyst, when Magnet falls in love with him.
Character Arc
Parts to be changed: He finds new love, but loses his sister Diamond
Biggest fear: His love to be dead, or else insensitive
Completion of Arc: He has sex with Magnet
Star
Female, Quartz’s daughter
Core Character Traits
Intelligent
Sexy
Trained
Character Subtext Logline: Star is a hacker, who discovers and cracks link about enclosure of areas for time machine in the Future of Revozvrander.
Mission/Agenda: She is to brig BATTERY holder with info to Stone
Life Metaphor/ Identity: She is Female, division of Higher Caste, woman who keeps number of partners or exchanges them
-
Alice’s Pass 2: Story Logic Web
1. What I learned doing this assignment is….
I feel like it is a little bit misplaced, maybe at tune it somehow
I like RIDDLE for the plot. Transformation is a little bit ofshore, but it is good paired with MATURATION of second part. I like that it has other plots, one for escape, one for opposition.
I like concept, my Structure suffers. But maybe that is incorrectly placed midpoint and second turning point. I have difficulties with those.
I can’t yet figure it out with a second part of second part, I think its all right, it is something else. It has structure, but differently.
2. BEFORE:
Concept:
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
Lead Characters:
Protagonist: young talented scientist of Research Institute who’s girlfriend went missing, searching for who’ve done it
Antagonist: Anaupsh, head of development lab, who massacres RI workers to create animated monster
Protagonist #2 Judge who is to lead the process, finds Anaupsh guilty, proposes zones for outcastes, and Separates.
Plot/Structure: (Tell us the Plot number and type. Then give us the 9 beats of your structure.)
7. The Riddle
12. Transformation
Structure:
1. Opening
Representation of how SEPARATION works. Life moves on another rails. What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
2. Inciting Incident
On a flight back home from resort area.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
This is going to be on the ground of Research Institute, where Anaupsh massacres its workers. But that’s also at another planet, named MIROPOLIS, and has to do with advanced science and discrimination of castes.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
His girlfriend is missing amid lab personnel. “ Where is Kiat?”
5. Mid-Point
Protagonist get contacted by secret service officer after his journalist brother streams confusing news to illustrate the case.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Protagonist gets massacred, officers who contacted him shot.
7. Crisis
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium.
8. Climax
Scandalous process. Judge gives a speech and separates right at the court.
9. Resolution
Upstart with residences for outcastes.
Character Arc:
Protagonist Character Arc:
Part to be changed: He needs to find out, who’ve done it, and what happened?
Biggest fear: His biggest fear is what he sees in Anaupsh’s lab
Completion of arc: His example as martyr changes social structure of the West. For separatable humanity
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
Dramatic Question:
This is happened on another planet, and yet it’s relevant. It’s how they made their way we are going to.
c. Main conflict:
How we do with all of these, facing social questions.
d. Dilemma:
Protagonist #1: He lost his girlfriend, he must pay with his life.
Judge: He’s unhappy, maybe living amid, managing it, with his subtle body inside. He’s put to justify antagonist, all people hating him, pointing fingers. As it is his fault. But he’s honest.
His separation (someone with subtle body) they given him this artificial death. It’s predicament of Future.
Theme:
e. Theme:
Techno techno society, nano-particles, division into castes, and self development.
3. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
This a question of very key point good versus evil, as it touches on physical body. How we want it. Not a soul, not a spirit, but a body.
4. AFTER:
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
Main Conflict: is social, in between of castes
Dramatic Question: transition of society into techno epoch
Judges Dilemma: how he who he is would do in this situation, so he cannot do otherwise, but Separate
2. BEFORE:
Concept:
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
Lead Characters:
LENA, girl born inside of restricted reservation who runaways from it
WARD, who picks up at Le-na to liberate her
Son of Main Commander, top military who picks up Le-na outside and falls in love with her
Plot/Structure:
For Le-na inside of Reservation only: 5. Escape
For Le-na and Son of Commander: 9. Underdog
For Le-na via all the story: 13. Maturation
Structure:
1. Opening
Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
2. Inciting Incident
Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
MIROPOLIS seventy years after they started with zones.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
Ward meets Le-na .
5. Mid-Point
He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Ward is shot down.
7. Crisis
Le-na burns her stepmother who came back to kill her with acid from the barrel.
8. Climax
Le-na deposits report, fights her way via girl, picks up a gun, and deceives helicopter pilot.
9. Resolution
Le-na is picked up by high rang military.
Le-na outside of reservation
Le-na communicates with young high rang military who picked her up at his last gig of technology station.
He brings her to hotel room, where they have sex.
Two officers come to expose him.
He tries to make phone call downstairs, but receives a blow.
He awakes at the hospital, where they finish up locking doors, till military dispatch comes. Main officer freaks out and gets tied up. One of young military starts giving orders, but reports they are in a siege. Finally they get rescued by regiment he requested by phone.
As he discovers that Le-na, now married to him, went pregnant, they get blamed he abuses her, at their stay at another hotel. Military come, main officer freaks out and gets tied up. One of the boys starts giving orders. They search hotel rooms, discover dead body of ten years old, daughter of hotel owner, who goes mad. Psychologist comes and they all exchange contacts.
Boy matures, and gets ward training. As he is inside of reservation, he holds not from shooting to bring young couple outside. They themselves report how brave he went. He faces tribunal, with Son of Main Commander and Psychologist also present. They officially sentence him to death, but in realty would let him come back to reservation, now forever.
Son of Main Commander separates.
Character Arc:
Le-na
Part to be changed: She wants to runaway, be liberated
Biggest fear: There is now here to run, no action to save it
Completion of arc: She reaches what she could’ve desire but crashes
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
d. Dilemma:
Ward: he must hide it, and his love to her, and if he kills. Either he have sex with Le-na, or he writes report to liberate her. Because if she is his partner, they won’t believe he’s honest, reporting.
Le-na: She cannot live not only amid people in reservation, but amid those outside as well. She looks, needs, demands for someone higher. She had no sex with that Ward, who she continues to love. And lives with another, who is good, but not enough heroic, maybe?
Son of Main Commander: If he goes to reservation as a ward, this means death, and he would lose them (Le-na and kids), he also is her only support. He won’t stop reservations from existence, he himself invests in it.
How many girls are going to die inside of reservation, no ward to help them?
Theme:
e. Theme:
Meaning: even at TECHNO world we continue to be human, techno is built to suite human needs.
Lesson: How civilization transits with free flow of information, resources availability, and sheds old clothes of former social structure.
Moral: What it means to be human. Struggle of self developed ones in social structure.
3. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
4. AFTER:
Concept:
Lead Characters:
Plot/Structure:
Character Arc:
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
Son of Main Commander Dilemma: they way he is he must Separate, as it is too huge. To go as a ward makes no sense, and his wife is constant remainder of how it is with zones
Mai Conflict: in between of special people with individuality who try to build up world by the rules so that it would be possible exist and all those which we know, like flow tendencies
Dramatic Question: where they go with zones
Theme: Liberation
-
Alice’s 1st Pass
What I learned:
How to bring hero on his journey along structure in accordance with plot.
1. Logline:
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
2. Plot/Plot Summary:
7. The Riddle
This one challenges the viewer to solve the riddle before the protagonist
does. The core of your riddle should be cleverness: hiding that which is
in plain sight. You set up a mystery, provide clues and misdirection, and
finally give the solution, explaining the motives of the antagonist and the
real sequence of events (as opposed to what seemed to have happened).
12. Transformation
This plot deals with the process of change as the protagonist journeys
through one of the many stages of life. It concentrates on the nature of
change and how it affects the protagonist from start to finish on one
specific change.
3. Structure:
1. Opening
Representation of how SEPARATION works. Life moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
2. Inciting Incident
On a flight back home from resort area.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
This is going to be on the ground of Research Institute, where Anaupsh massacres its workers. But that’s also at another planet, named MIROPOLIS, and has to do with advanced science and discrimination of castes.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
His girlfriend is missing amid lab personnel. “Where is Kiat?”
5. Mid-Point
Protagonist get contacted by secret service officer after his journalist brother streams confusing news to illustrate the case.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Protagonist gets massacred, officers who contacted him shot.
7. Crisis
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium.
8. Climax
Scandalous process. Judge gives a speech and separates right at the court.
9. Resolution
Upstart with residences for outcastes.
4. Protagonist Character Arc:
Part to be changed: He needs to find out, who’ve done it, and what happened?
Biggest fear: His biggest fear is what he sees in Anaupsh’s his lab
Completion of arc: His example as martyr changes social structure of the West. For separatable humanity.
5. Plot in Structure:
OPENING SCENE:
Representation of how SEPARATION works. Life moves on anothe rails. “What new qualities did you aquire?” “I can move walls apart”
EXT. TOP OF RESIDENTIAL – DAY
There is a basin on the roof, and man is fishing.
INCITING INCIDENT:
On a flight back home from resort area.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Phone rings, as he returns. That is Director of Research institute with assignment for him to be prepeared by Monday.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
One of the files appears to be dark, he cannot open it.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
He picks up a taxi.
EXT. BEFOR GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
He jumps out of taxi, running inside.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
He quickly exchanges with night guard about reasons him coming at night.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
He opens file on computer. Printer doesn’t work, lacking paper.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
As he rummages at closet, he is encountered by security guard. They exchange, guard continues along the corridor.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
As he keeps working, radiophone beeps. “I love you” This is Kiat.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm works. Man jumps from bed.
INT. OFFICE – MORNING
As Protagonist looks into window, he can see this man, one of lab workers, coming. Kiat is still not there.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Amid couple of others, Hero walks now noisy corridor of Research Institute, holding his documents. Woman of rather small height passes him, walking at another direction. He turns after her, looking at her back. “Is it Anaupsh?”
FIRST TURNING POINT:
His girlfriend is missing amid personnel “Where is Kiat?”
INT. BACK ROOM – MORNING
Kiat is murdered by someone looking like Anaupsh and one or two more people.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Hero calls Kiat. She doesn’t pick it up, and leaves a message.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
He looks at the watch, – she didn’t call back.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s neighbor says, Kiat wasn’t there.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s neighbor confirms, Kiat moved away. He doesn’t believe her.
INT. KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Police helps with the door. Money, clothes, and documents appear intact. Police officer implies, maybe she flied across the boundary.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist before the crowd of workers of Research Institute. One man says, he had seen Kiat that day. And that couple of people took a leave.
INT. RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Protagonist comes by the address of one of those who took leave. His neighbors says, he left not saying goodbye.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Disturbed man comes, searching for his missing wife, who worked at RI. Protagonist warns him not to come back in here, as his wife is possibly killed.
INT. SOCIAL SERVICES – EVENING
Protagonist is waiting to see an officer, but changes his mind, and walks away.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls to secret police man of his acquaintance, but drops the phone.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director is some kind of a friend to Protagonist, and tries to give him sick leave when he says, one of the missing was his girlfriend. As protagonist tries to prove it is necessary to search the labs, Anaupsh enters. She is the head of development lab of DNA research. After her comes her assistant, tall freak, not young anymore. Hero remarks on strong body of Anaupsh and metallic plate, stuck at her sandal. Director lets him go. As he leaves, he observes them for a while, talking at the office.
EXT. BEFORE DIRECTOR’S – DAY
He walks out of the building, and strolls away.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director is murdered. Blood on the table. Anaupsh opens his cabinet with electronic key. Unlocks computer and washes out files from the list with info on exp from her lab. Her assistant rolls Director’s body in blue plastic.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist before crowd of RI’s workers. A couple more of people left, Head of one lab, and also Director is on leave.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero calls at Director’s. His wife says, he called her to say he drops on her, and asks for his stuff to be sent over the ocean.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
His son wants to go fishing on the roof. But glances at the face of his old father and small daughter, and remains.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
They peacefully making a tea.
INT. LIBRARY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – DAY
Protagonist accidentally runs on Anaupsh. He notices there is nor metallic plate stuck in her sandal any longer.
INT. RI’S CORRIDOR OF HERO’S DREAM – NIGHT
He’s having nightmare. Woman screams “He died from horror!”
INT. HERO’S BEDROOM – MORNING
He awakes from his nightmare.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm didn’t work. Man jumps from bed on his own, when it is too late.
EXT. BEFORE THE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Protagonist meets with that man before gates. They exchange. Man works in the lab at the same area, where people get disappearing.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
This man is tied up, his moth stuck. One scientist enters, ad sees the picture. Assistant shoots him from the back, but he already separated. Now they cannot use his body.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Protagonist is having conversation with his friend, head of another lab, who complains, he has no one to report.
EXT. TRAIN STATION – EVENING
His friend is waiting for the train. Some figure is as if in the mist, over the distance.
INT. TRAIN – EVENING
Relieved, he boards the train, and takes his seat on the bench.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – EVENING
Protagonist persuades police officer about missing cases. Officer manifests with negativity, as Hero is clearly a developed caste, and sends him packing.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – EVENING
Protagonist picks up at the note, dropped on the floor. It is left by his friend about report. He jums paper in his fist, seeing his friend is gone!
INT. HERO’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
He awakes because someone is behind the door to his room.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls his acquaintance at secret service, demanding they would say if missing cases were their job.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Protagonist visits his brother. He’s journalist, and keeps writing, even as they speak.
EXT. POLICE CAR – NIGHT
Police watches him over distance, listening to conversation with antenna.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Protagonist relates to his brother about missing cases.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
TV news. “In one of huge institutions people get disappear in one of the area of the lab works” Judge remarks that’s where his sister works.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero watches the news.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Journalist calls his brother to learn of impression. Hero is dissatisfied, saying, his report was misleading at broadcast.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh answers the phone.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge drops it down, hearing her voice.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh remarks that been her brother checking on her after watching the news, and she is OK. Sexy girl an assistant persuades how some people really got disappeared. Anaupsh observes her sexy body.
INT. VIEW OF CLOSET FROM INSIDE – DAY
This sexy girl is rummaging at the closet, as someone closes her mouth, and picks her up from behind. That is her boyfriend who places a date with her.
INT. CAFE – NIGHT
Girls is waiting for him, but he doesn’t turn out.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
She leaves cafe and starts strolling along the street. Car stops, Anaupsh opens the door. Girl looks inside and sees her boyfriend, dead. She starts losing herself. Gets inside, and strokes his hair, then vomits.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
They pass by night guard, posing her boyfriend as drunk.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – NIGHT
Anaupsh proposes to restore him by the help of her work she conducted experiment for. She opens door to back room for her. Girl sees there construction from parts of human bodies and drops on the floor.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Control group, in amount of one aged man and young lady sent by organization comes to check at what is happening at Research Institute.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
As Anaupsh tries to make her way through the talk, they ask her of the area, as they can see on a map. Then assistant hits man from behind unconscious. But girl puts a gun on them. At this moment secret door opens from inside, by Anaupsh another girl assistant. Girl turns away at its direction, and male assistant blows her gun away.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
They both are beaten up, unconscious.
INT. SOME LAB – DAY
Protagonist on his way around to check labs meets opposition from aged scientist.
INT. DYNAMICS LAB – EVENING
Two guys in this lab tell Hero, how they protect with guns. They assure him they are waiting for those who do this to come, and don’t lock the doors.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – MORNING
Protagonist passes by Dynamics Lab, its door seems closed. He tries it, and it opens, room same as it was, no men.
MIDPOINT:
Protagonist gets contacted by secret service officer. He affirms they also lost a number of people on Institute’s ground, and that he was afraid to pass inside.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
That officer who spoke with scientist reports to top officer, as that one receives a call with indications from above. Not to do much. Top officer remarks that might be correct approach. Let everyone be gone, apart from one left, who’ve done it.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – EVENING
Strolling along, Protagonist looks into open lab and sees there girl assistant of Anaupsh rummaging through documents. She says she had to sort that out.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Walking past Anaupsh’s lab, Protagonist can hear noise behind the wall, something knocks. He is surprised.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Night guard confirms everyone from that lab are gone for the night.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – MORNING
Hero waits for Anaupsh to come, to check her lab. She lets him in, saying it’s development nocking.
SECOND TURNING POINT:
She opens back room for him, and he can see huge animated construction, composed from human bodies, managed by DNA exchange. He recognizes it here and there. Passes out.
EXT. BACK STREET – EVENING
Officer who came to RI calls his top officer, saying, scientist does not answer his calls. He drops the phone and turns to go away, but is shot from behind a corner out of vehicle.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets notified, his employee went arrested for interest in this case. He is stunned. Upon consideration, exits office via back door.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets out, considers cars nearby, walks down, and is shot from behind.
CRISIS:
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium. Two scientists at presidium get alarmed, but Anaupsh smartly lets her creation into outside world, to float at the sky. They sound alarm then.
EXT. CITY SCAPE – EVENING
Judge’s son again strolls along the roof with fishing line and barrel. View of monsters in the sky makes him lose his step and he falls from the edge of the roof. He succeeds at holding at some architectural pieces down there, as monster comes rather closer to his view. Aircraft dispatch comes on helicopters, and spreads point-direct atomic weapon at the creature. Keeping his hold, he starts sneezing, and endeavors turn away or shield somehow.
INT. COURT – DAY
As Judge moves ahead to preside, he is blamed into back. Everyone knows that is his sister in the process, who he is going now justify.
CLIMAX:
Anaupsh and her assistants are facing the court. Judge keeps asking questions in such a way that he uncovers her rotten nature. He then says, he’s unsure of what punishment, and that how, maybe, even if his kids, but separate somehow away into zones people of such kind so that they won’t be able to do crimes of such scape. Anaupsh observes him, and suddenly says “Don’t Separate!” He looks back at her, and as if from opposition, separates. His face moves apart, leaving narrow space, vertical, and smooth, leading into depth of the head, as other parts also have moved. As he continues to sit at same pose, common with Separation, across the room passes gush of astonishment. His subtle body, recognizable, consciously moves along the middle, to exit the court.
EXT. SITY STREET – DAY
Journalist brother of late scientist watches street screens, streaming the process. He immediately recognizes, what it is going to be.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
His son gets interviewed.
RESOLUTION:
People with strict faces are at building construction, meant for outcastes.
“First Social Services were doing it, then when jails went full, they got that wasn’t enough, and called in military…”
1. Logline:
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
2. Plot/Plot Summary:
For Le-na inside of Reservation only:
5. Escape
Your hero is confined against his will (often unjustly) and wants to
escape. In this case, the hero is the victim. The natural
progression: imprisonment, initial attempts to escape fail, new plan
is made that is also thwarted, and finally, the actual escape.
For Le-na and Son of Commander
9. Underdog
This plot is similar to Rivalry, except that the protagonist is not matched
equally against the antagonist. The antagonist can be a person, place
(ocean), or thing (bureaucracy), and clearly has much greater power than
the protagonist.
For Le-na via all the story:
13. Maturation
This plot is about growing from a naive life to a more experienced
life. Often, it is about the process of going from child to adult.
3. Structure:
1. Opening
Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
2. Inciting Incident
Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
MIROPOLIS seventy years after they started with zones.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
Ward meets Le-na .
5. Mid-Point
He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Ward is shot down.
7. Crisis
Le-na burns her stepmother who came back to kill her with acid from the barrel.
8. Climax
Le-na deposits report, fights her way via girl, picks up a gun, and deceives helicopter pilot.
9. Resolution
Le-na is picked up by high rang military.
Le-na outside of reservation
Le-na communicates with young high rang military who picked her up at his last gig of technology station.
He brings her to hotel room, where they have sex.
Two officers come to expose him.
He tries to make phone call downstairs, but receives a blow.
He awakes at the hospital, where they finish up locking doors, till military dispatch comes. Main officer freaks out and gets tied up. One of young military starts giving orders, but reports they are in a siege. Finally they get rescued by regiment he requested by phone.
As he discovers that Le-na, now married to him, went pregnant, they get blamed he abuses her, at their stay at another hotel. Military come, main officer freaks out and gets tied up. One of the boys starts giving orders. They search hotel rooms, discover dead body of ten years old, daughter of hotel owner, who goes mad. Psychologist comes and they all exchange contacts.
Boy matures, and gets ward training. As he is inside of reservation, he holds not from shooting to bring young couple outside. They themselves report how brave he went. He faces tribunal, with Son of Main Commander and Psychologist also present. They officially sentence him to death, but in reality would let him come back to reservation, now forever.
Son of Main Commander separates.
4. Protagonist Character Arc:
Le-na
Part to be changed: She wants to runaway, be liberated
Biggest fear: There is now here to run, no action to save it
Completion of arc: She reaches what she could’ve desire but crashes
5. Plot in Structure:
OPENING SCENE: Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
INCITING INCIDENT: Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
INT. RESIDENTIAL ZONE – DAY
Ward unlocks his new apartment, belonged prior to his predecessor.
INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – DAY
Le-na visits him. She never takes a bath, to repel other residents.
FIRST TURNING POINT: He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors. They start to be intimate. They take shower together, but he only does superficial sex.
MIDPOINT: His window is bulletproof, but door has space underneath. After knocking at his locked door didn’t help, residents put smoke via this opening. Ward then streams water outside.
SECOND TURNING POINT: Helicopter brings boxes with goodies. Ward unlocks the door. Le-na’s bitch mother comes asking for her. Ward replies, he put a report, and Le-na is to be evacuated back to outside world. Freaking aged guy jumps inside, asking to be taken back also, offering money. Ward refuses. Freak shoots him down to death.
Le-na’s family members rush inside, starting robbing apartment, goodies box first. “Why did you wash yourself?” screens bitch mother. She checks her, and sees, she is still virginal. Then she rapes her, pushing small bottle inside. Le-na passes out.
CRISIS: Le-na awakes. Room is robbed of everything. She sees Ward in the spirit, as subtle image in the room. Then they communicate. He says, Le-na must prepare to kill her mother, as she comes back. She looks around, and sees nothing like a weapon. He keeps going “see this barrel? There is an acid in it, if to pour it upon a person, he would die!” Le-na picks up large barrel, right when her mother’s steps are heard. As that one enters, she splashes acid on her.
Ward directs her to pick up report and go upstairs.
INT. ATTIC – DAY
Vast room with glass ceiling along the walls has special mail boxes, one for each apartment. Le-na puts report into mail box, and pulls at lever. Via glass walls one can see how report swiftly goes upward, beyond the roof.
Girl new comer descends stairs. She demonstratively approaches Le-na. Takes gun out. They fight. Le-na uses martial skills she picked up from Ward. She blows gun away, picks it up and shoots girl down.
Ward directs her to run on the roof, where there must be a helicopter that brought newcomer.
CLIMAX: Le-na runs up to the pilot and deceives him, saying she was brought down to restricted zone by mistake. She promises him her parents would pay him!
RESOLUTION: EXT. HELICOPTER CABIN – EVENING
They take into air. Pilot asks for her address. “Quiet Street, Small House!” Le-na says. Pilot gets he was deceived. “Point gun at him!” says Ward’s voice. Le-na puts gun on him. His radio works, and Le-na screams for pilot. Man on that end of the line hears female voice.
INT. TECHNO STATION – EVENING
Le-na is picked up by high rang military. She recognizes him being special, and tries to pull shirt away from his back, to see if there isn’t body mark as well.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
They become intimate.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Servant rolls in table with refreshment and some wine bottles, as he gets astonished, seeing Le-na standing totally naked amid the room.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Two officers come to expose her lover. They have a moment and exchange names. He says, he’s a Son of Main Commander, which is his rang.
INT. HOTEL’S LOBBY – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander descends with Le-na into lobby. He directs her to wait him at the glass doors. And tries to place a phone call, but line is dead. “You will pay me for that!“ he says to hotel’s owner. And receives a blow.
INT. HOSPITAL COMPARTMENT – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander awakes, Le-na sits near. “How did you do that?” She says she used street phone and asked for the Father the Main Commander.
Nurse enters, behaving suspiciously. Then Le-na picks up small bottle, and says “In this bottle there is an acid. I will pour it over you, and you will die!” Nurse looks at the bottle and starts laughing.
He calls for regiment, then they lock inside the room.
They hear noise outside at the corridor, that being small military dispatch. He likes the voice of some young officer, and they unlock for them. Commanding officer of dispatch freaks out and get tied up by his own soldiers. Then young officer takes on himself commandment. He reports, they are surrounded by enemies. Son of Main Commander recognizes him as careerist. Enemies being regiment he called for.
EXT. AT HELICOPTERS – MORNING
As they are on the go to helicopter, saved by regiment, he arguments with regiment commander.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
As they are staying at the hotel, now a couple, he sits on bed in clothes. Le-na reacts and after pulling his socks away, washing her hands, picks up bottle and pushes inside sex organs. He catches at her and hits. “Why have you done it?” She explains, she no longer has blood (she’ s lacking, and he is indifferent). He laughs with joy, explaining that is a pregnancy.
Their activity is overlooked by man in bright lit window across the street. He threatens them, gesturing, and dresses up to go out.
INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR – NIGHT
It appears, Hotel was stuffed with video cameras to observe tenants, by agreement of that man across the street and Hotel owner. Military came, and all tenants get out of their rooms. As Son of Main Commander arguments matter with Commanding Officer, that one freaks out and gets tied up by his own soldiers. Soldiers get lost, but one of them, still young, and with shrieking voice, starts giving commands. One of cameras made video of something white in dark lobby. Hotel owner suddenly gets ill and is escorted to his room by two soldiers. Others search the rooms, and uncover body of ten years old daughter of Hotel owner. Tenant of that room dies right there, poisoning oneself till foam out of the mouth, and slides down the wall. After they turn away two technicians coming to pick up someone qualified as outcastes, real psychologist comes. He turns to be an aged man, experienced and talkative. He exchanges addresses with boy with shrieking voice, promises to distressed woman degree in psychology and new job.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – MORNING
Le-na again looks into window. There is wife of that man, now arrested, who shoots woman at hotel room near theirs.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Yet another hotel. They lie in bed as outside are sirens at the distance. He embraces her, tense. But cars run by.
INT. FIGHTING ROOM – DAY
Boy with shrieking voice went into grown up man, taking martial arts training.
INT. RESTRICTED ZONE – DAY
He endeavors to save a couple out of zone. As woman screams, closing her ears, hold by her man, he shots back at a couple of people, shooting at him.
INT. TRIBUNAL – DAY
He gets sentenced. He doesn’t take it for real, but as a bad joke, as he really killed people. They then consent on him returning back to zone, now forever.
EXT. ROAD AND GRASS – DAY
Bus doors gets closed, and it leaves on its way.
INT. PRIVAT RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Le-na moves around the house, bearing sight of household, having kids, picking up and reassembling here and there, where they dropped clothes or toys, running for bus.
INT. GUESTROOM – DAY
Son of Main Commander sits as if thinking something over. Phone rings, but he doesn’t pick it up. Le-na awakes him from his thoughts. No, he not at all is going to go as a ward, this means imminent death. She worries, and starts to pull chain with pendant from her neck, as if to put on him as amulet, but he stops her.
He gets up, dons his military headwear and goes out. Le-na answers the phone. No, he is gone. She says.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE – DAY
He goes a distance away, then stops. Wind blows into his face. He Separates. Narrow opening with even edges separates front of his face in the middle. His facial expression doesn’t change. He keeps standing same pose.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
As sentenced ward, here incognito, discusses with psychologist his couple he brought out, who are passing exam now, and Le-na, who is here, crashed and lost her sanity.
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Alice’s Favorite Movie Outline
What I learned doing this assignment is
I watched DUNE. It is such a classic.
I was voice recording, stopping film. Then I edited names with Wiki.
I chose Dune because it is new movie, based on a novel.
Dramatic Question: Can Paul help Planet Arrakis?
Main Conflict: In between of Harkonnens, Arrakis natives, and now House Atreides.
Dilemma: Is he (Paul) the One? Would he become?
Theme: Hidden Power of the Desert
DUNE
EXT. PLANET ARRAKIS – DAY
This Planet is beautiful at Sunset.
EXT. PLANET ARRAKIS – NIGHT
They harvest spice at night, to avoid heat.
EXT. FIGHT – DAY
They’ve been invaded by Harkonnens, and they became especially rich there by growing spice
Fight between tribal and invaders. Tribal cannot beat them up, till they leave upon Emperor’s indication, questions why?
EXT. PALACE OF AR – DAY
Pau Atreides and his mother Lady Jessica are having breakfast. They discuss one of his powers, the Voice. And him dreaming of girl from Arrakis. They are before ceremony.
INT. PAUL’S ROOM – DAY
Paul is reading about Planet Arrakis. What is told of tribal folks down there, they are dangerous. Spice is halucinogen, believed by them be extremely good for health, and other people use it for spacecraft to navigate safely amid stars throughout of Universe, space being very expensive.
Body of spacecraft above, going down, as it is watched by Paul Atreides.
EXT. SPACECRAFT LANDING – DAY
Delegation comes, announcing Emperors order that Leto Atreides would take control of Planet Arrakis, and bring peace to that. They agree and seal document down.
EXT./INT. SPACECRAFT WAREHOUSE – DAY
Paul persuades Duncan take him to Arrakis and of his dream, where he sees Duncan dying in a battle. Says, if he would be present down there, that might not happen. But Duncan disagrees.
Paul addresses his father about leaving on Arrakis with Duncan, but Leto says, he is going to go with all of them in a couple of weeks. He speaks of political danger they trap into if they take upon themselves Arrakis. And that they must cultivate desert power down there, as they cultivate sea power here, on their Planet. Paul says, he doubts he IS future of their house, but Leto says, he didn’t want that either. That one is called, and he just answers.
INT. TRAINING ROOM – DAY
Paul get’s trained by Gurney, and can’t beat him up. They use technology, shielding themselves they fight with blades. And gurney says how it is huge danger they getting under, because Harkonnens where digging spice thirty years, and went very wealthy.
INT. SPACESHIP OF HARKONNENS – NIGHT
Annoyed Ruben comes. Vladimir assures, they didn’t lose Arrakis. That it wasn’t just a gift of the Emperor.
INT. PAUL’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Paul is awakened by his mother to get dressed to go to see her teacher she studied under. His doctor secretly whispers to him that he must beware of it. And mom speaks with him in a sign language, obviously preparing him for meeting.
INT. MEETING ROOM – NIGHT
Paul has a meeting with Reverend Mother, examining him, testing him on pain, because Jessica trained him in The Way. She uses Voice on him. He passes a test. She tells him, he has double birth rights, because he’s his mother’s son.
INT. CORRIDORS – NIGHT
Reverend Mother is followed by Jessica, speaking of how they wanted from her only girls, but she bore a male, on whom powers are wasted. And that they hope he would do what is expected from him on Arrakis, where they prepared his ways for him.
EXT. LANDING PLACE – NIGHT
Paul encounters his mother. He heard them talk. He asks, what that means, if he could be The One. She explains, they’ve been carefully crisscrossing bloodlines, trying to bring a MIND, who would cross Space and Time, Past and Future, and many people believe, he’s close.
EXT. LANDING PLACE – DAY
House of Atreides has arrived with soldiers. And as they move to their dragonfly helicopter, they are welcomed by female crowd, chanting, pointing fingers at Paul, and this means Voice from Another World, which means Messiah. They discuss this with his mother in helicopter.
INT. CITY – DAY
They arrive in the city, and watch landscapes. There is a spice plant, and … They must especially guard.
INT. PALACE ROOM – DAY
His mother Lady Jessica chooses housekeeper, and receives from her a gift, crisknife, made in a dessert. Because she believes, Paul is the One.
EXT. PALACE YARD – DAY
As it’s heats up, Paul carelessly takes his walk in a yard, meeting a Gardener, who cares for twenty date palm trees, feeding them water, and they drink like five men a day. They are sacred.
INT. PAUL’S ROOM – DAY
As Paul is watching vid on what is it Planet Arrakis, like sandworms, and the way Fremen do sand walk, imitating natural rhythm of dessert, and plants they cultivate. He comes over to see close, and notices how from the wall comes insect-like mechanism. He hide behind hologram image, but mechanism finds him out, and comes straight forward to him. Door opens to let in house holder, Paul quickly moves, and kills insect. He says, operator must be close.
INT. PALACE – DAY
It appears to be a Harkonnen spy, who hidden in thw walls, now killed. Security head asks for resignation, but is not granted it.
INT. SPACESHIP – COSMIC NIGHT
Reverend mother comes to house Harkonnen, to bring him a message in silence that Emperor would help him with another army of Sardaukar. And asks him he kills Leto, but would not kill Jessica and her son, as they are under their protection. And he promises this, but when she leaves, he tells how he believes them to be dead, be destroyed by desert. And that DUNE is his!
INT. BOARD MEETING ROOM – DAY
They disscuss how it happened that Harkenens left them no equipment, and that they won’t make as much of solaris (money), as them.
EXT. NEAR SPICE FARM – DAY
Encounter
INT. MEETING ROOM – DAY
Duncan relates how he being in desert came upon sitches with millions of Fremen, he could never notice them. And he brings with himself their leader. They almost ruin thing, as they don’t understand his behavior as positive or negative, and they discuss it. Promise, they won’t touch Fremen, even if they go in the Desert. As he turns to leave, he says to Paul “I recognize you!”
INT. MILITARY COMPARTMENT – DAY
Duncan shows a couple of instruments, very ingenious, that Fremen constructed and use, gifting to Paul compass.
EXT. HELICOPTER LANDING – DAY
They meet female doctor, who show them how to use suites, and mentions how Paul arranged his shoes they way it has to be doe, even though that is his first time.
EXT. HELICOPTER – DAY
They are on a flight over spice fields in their dragonfly vehicles. Huge machine bellow, harvesting spice. Sandworm coming. They need to take machine in the air, but hook gets jammed. Leto proposes to come down and grab a crew of this harvesting machine. But they don’t even want to go away. And Paul nearly escapes, losing himself amid sand. They go away at last moment.
EXT. SPACECRAFT WAREHOUSE – DAY
Leto complains that equipment left for them is broken, and they won’t be able to harvest spice, but doctor says she doesn’t care of it.
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Paul is checked by a doctor. He says, it’s reaction on spice, which evokes hallucination. But Paul says to his mother about his visions. He says someone would gift him crisknife, and that Jessica is now pregnant, to her disbelieve.
EXT. SOLUNAS SECUNDUS – DAY
Planet of imperial guard. Their army is anointed with blood, as they are to go to fight together with Harkonnens on the imperial order.
INT. LETO’S PLACE – DAY
Leto asks Jessica to protect Paul, if anything happens, predicting his death.
INT. PALACE – NIGHT
Guards gets killed, and security shield deactivated. Leto notices something strange, and gets out of his bedroom to find that security won’t answer him and house maid knived down. He activates shield protection, but someone targets him, shield protection gets broken. Leto killed. Doctor approaches him. Is he a murderer?
INT. PALACE – NIGHT
Gurney is awakened by soldiers about deactivation of the shields. Army is alarmed.
EXT. CITY – NIGHT
Attack from above destroys their spacecraft. Gurney leads his worriers against invaders.
INT. PALACE – NIGHT
They fight to protect the palace.
Doctor awakes Leto to explain that Harkonnems kidnapped his wife, so he made this bargain. Doctor gives Leto a tooth, which if crashed, would poison air so that he would die, but also those around of him, including Baron.
Meanwhile Duncan is fighting inside of palace, killing invaders, and goes looking for Paul and Jessica, but they are gone…
EXT. THOPER – NIGHT
Kidnapped by Harkonnens who get them into flying machine to be thrown down into dessert. So that they would die there with sandworms.
EXT. CITY GROUND – NIGHT
Duncan keeps fighting soldiers, and gets to thoper, flying machine.
EXT. THOPER – NIGHT
Paul and Jessica use voice to escape. But their thoper gets dissabled. They must head for desert.
INT. PALACE – NIGHT
Leto is captured by Harkonnen, awakes, lying, almost dead. As Baron keeps eating. Dr.Yueh gets killed by Baron, and obviously his wife was killed also, so his betrayal was for nothing.
EXT. DESERT – NIGHT
Paul finds backpack prepared by Dr. Yueh, with stuff to be used in desert, looking for Fremen.
INT. PALACE – NIGHT
Leto kills Baron by crashing tooth and breathing poison out.
EXT. DESERT – NIGHT
Paul uncovers his father’s ring. Now they know, Leto is gone.
EXT. DESERT – DAY
Duncan meets Kaynes, saying they been subjected to this by Emperor.
INT. PALACE – DAY
It appears, Baron is alive, by flying up to the seiling, and keeping there.
EXT. DESERT – DAY
They put tent in a sand. There is spice, which Paul inhales, sees his vision again. Of Holy War, done in his name. He freaks out, but affirms, his wearing his father’s ring.
INT. SAND TENT – NIGHT
They drink recycled water from their tears. Then shed sand to get away.
EXT. DESERT – DAY
Small animal, sand mouse, coming, sweating down. Paul and Jessica get out from under the sand, scaring animal away. They are found by Duncan with his flying machine. He bids his allegiance to Paul, calling him his Duke.
INT. ECOLOGICAL STATION – NIGHT
Kaynes takes Paul, Jessica, and Duncan to spend time there, as storm is advancing. This station was meant to release waters from under the sand, but they found out about spice, and they stopped wishing desert would go away.
Paul persuades Dr. Kaynes that she would witness Emperor moved against them. If they would believe her, war would ensure in between of Houses and the Emperor, but he says, he would plead for a throne, because Emperor has no sons, only daughters, he could marry one. They call him Voice from Another World. That he could do as an Emperor a Paradise from Arrakis.
EXT. DESERT AROUND ECOLOGICAL STATION – DAY
Sardukens army descends from above.
INT. UNDERGROUND ON ECOLOGICAL STATION – DAY
Tey hear advancement of Sardaukars. Duncan locks doors behind himself, and fights Sardaukars. He get wounded. Paul, Jessica, and Kaynes are to run away by secret door, as Sardaukars work the doors with laser. Duncan awakes and kills number of them, but then gets destroyed, but they have time to run away by secret door.
INT. UNDERGROUND CORRIDORS – DAY
They separate. Kaynes goes to another station to report, fearing not a desert. And Paul and Jessica mount thoper. Kaynes tells them how to go over the storm to pass it, and go find Fremen.
EXT. SAND DESERT OUTSIDE OF ECOLOGICAL STATION – DAY
Kaynes sees how Paul and Jessica flow away on Thoper, and is preparing to fight a sand worm, but is knifed down by Sardaukars, who make a statement, she went against Emperor. She says that serves only one master, taps rhythmically on sand, and they sucked down by the sand worm.
EXT. AROUND DESERT – DAY
Paul and Jessica are followed by a number of thopers and are fired down. Paul has a vision, which gives him insight to go with a flow on a thoper, as he is inside of the storm.
INT. HARKONNEN’S PLACE – DAY
Rabban reports to Baron, as that one takes his blood bath that they forced them into storm and they shan’t survive it. And they are to sell spice again, to make income to cover their loses for the war.
EXT. DESERT – DAY
Paul and Jessica get out of the storm above it, but their engine lost energy. So they can only float on top. Their thoper loses its wings, and they crash onto sand, get out amid rocks, and dress into suits.
Paul again has visions. They have to cross dessert acros sand worm territory, where they see there is a sitch where Duncan was staying with Fremen. They have to cross at night.
EXT. DESERT – NIGHT
Crossing it they have to run away from sandworm to rocks. Someone sets the tamper at night.
EXT. DESSERT – NIGHT
They find Fremen, who are willing to accept Paul, but don’t want Jessica. They fight them, Jessica fights and captures Stilgar. They are off to go. One of Fremen refuses to accept them, and they are to fight with Paul as a champion of Jessica. There is also this girl he keeps seeing in dreams, called Chani. Paul has a vision. “When you take a life, you take your own!’ Chani says, she doesn’t believe Paul is Al Gaib, but wishes him to die with honor, and gifts him criskife. Fight insures, and Paul is winning, but he is afraid to kill. But must, so he kills Jamies.
Paul says, his road leads to Desert. For they came for desert power.
“This is just upstart” says Chani.
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Alice’s Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is I don’t know if that is imagination, but it reads differently. I had to exchange so that it would match Outline Structure.
Everything falls as cardboard box, when small group of casted society descends into underground shelter to spend century along winter, and appears at epicenter of destruction of their planet Revozvrander.
Second Turning Point at the end of Act 2
1.INT. OFFICE – MORNING
Quartz calls Stone over the phone. Stone is to fly away.
2.INT. ROOM OF OMNIVOL – AFTERNOON
Omnivol encourages her Disheveled circle to help her with killing Cameo for the sake of experiment.
3.INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – DAY
Board discusses necessity to Copy Data for Stone, so that he would bring it to Another Planet, Slider and save it.
4.INT. SECOND PLATFORM – DAY
Keepers, Star and Lensor go down to Identifier’s place.
5.INT. IDENTIFIER’S ROOM – MORNING
Star hacks into reaching database to Copy Data.
6.INT. PLATFORM – MORNING
Platinum, Carbon and Tandem build additional staircase.
7.INT. DINNING ROOM – DAY
Blond Disheveled escapes dining room to steal pregnancy medicine from Crystal’s room.
8.INT. ROOM OF IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Lensor brings food to Star before Identifier.
9.INT. CRYSTAL’S ROOM – AFTERNOON
Crystal notices pregnancy medicine disappearance, but is saved by Platinum.
10.INT. TOP PLATFORM – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium talk, observing commotion.
11.INT. TOP PLATFPRM – DAY
Quartz picks up Video to watch.
12.INT. TOP PLATFORM BEFORE KEEPER’S ROOM – DAY
Teens go into Keepers’ room to watch video, as women gather at the Second Floor at Mindless Headquarters.
13.INT. SECOND FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium talk to Platinum, who relates them an allegory.
14.INT. KEEPERS ROOM – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium enter Keepers’ room right at the moment when video showcases image of headless child.
15.INT. YARD – AFTERNOON
Carbon and Silicium discuss all of it with Platinum.
16.INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star notices link on research of planetary areas, their subject, which she cannot open.
17.INT. ROOM OF SILICIUM – AFTERNOON
Cameo tries to console Diamond.
18.INT. YARD – AFTERNOON
Tandem comes back, to find Platinum distressed.
19.INT. KEEPERS’ ROOM – AFTERNOON
Hydro and Quartz watch video again.
20.INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star shows Keepers broken link, and they decide it is to be cracked for info.
21.INT. CRYSTAL’S ROOM – EVENING
Crystal tells Magnesium of predicament she feels, not to give any birth.
22.INT. SECOND FLOOR – EVENING
Lime decides to put all kid together for the night.
23.INT. ROOM OF IDENTIFIER – EVENING
Star puts identification program to work.
24.INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – NIGHT
Quartz shows Lime and Hydro information on underground he discovered in printouts. Omnivol tries to reach Identifier, but is caught and turned away.
25.INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Magnet in a shower.
26.INT. ROOM OF PLATINUM AND TANDEM – NIGHT
Platinum and Gilding before intercourse.
27.INT. LIME’S DREAM – NIGHT
Lime’s allegorical dream featuring his distant lover.
To be Exchanged into…
1.INT. OFFICE – MORNING
Quartz calls Stone over the phone. Stone is to fly away.
2.INT. ROOM OF OMNIVOL – AFTERNOON
Omnivol mentions amid Disheveled circle, she wants Cameo be sacrificed for infusions with her concoction.
4.INT. SECOND PLATFORM – DAY
Keepers, Star and Lensor descend on Second Floor, as Star heads for Identifier to find some data (now they have net connection).
6.INT. PLATFORM – MORNING
Platinum, Carbon and Tandem build additional staircase.
7.INT. DINNING ROOM – DAY
Blond Disheveled escapes dining room to steal pregnancy medicine from Crystal’s room.
9.INT. CRYSTAL’S ROOM – AFTERNOON
Crystal notices pregnancy medicine disappearance too late, but is saved by Platinum.
10.INT. TOP PLATFORM – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium talk, observing commotion.
11.INT. TOP PLATFPRM – DAY
Quartz picks up Video to watch.
12.INT. TOP PLATFORM BEFORE KEEPER’S ROOM – DAY
Teens go into Keepers’ room to watch video, as women gather at the Second Floor at Mindless Headquarters.
13.INT. SECOND FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium talk to Platinum, who relates them an allegory.
14.INT. KEEPERS ROOM – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium enter Keepers’ room right at the moment when video showcases image of headless child.
16.INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star notices link on research of planetary areas, their subject, which she cannot open.
17.INT. ROOM OF SILICIUM – AFTERNOON
Cameo tries to console Diamond.
19.INT. KEEPERS’ ROOM – AFTERNOON
Hydro and Quartz watch video again.
15.INT. YARD – AFTERNOON
As Carbon and Silicium discuss all of it with Platinum, he is called from upstairs.
20.INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star shows Keepers broken link, and they decide it is to be cracked for info.
21.INT. CRYSTAL’S ROOM – EVENING
Crystal tells Magnesium of predicament she feels, not to give any birth.
3.INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – DAY
Board discusses necessity to Copy Data for Stone, so that he would bring it to Another Planet, Slider and save it.
22.INT. SECOND FLOOR – EVENING
Lime decides to put all kids together for the night.
23.INT. ROOM OF IDENTIFIER – EVENING
Star puts identification program to work.
24.INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – NIGHT
Quartz shows Lime and Hydro information on underground he discovered in printouts. Omnivol tries to reach Identifier, but is caught and turned away.
25.INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Magnet in a shower.
26.INT. ROOM OF PLATINUM AND TANDEM – NIGHT
Platinum and Gilding before intercourse.
27.INT. LIME’S DREAM – NIGHT
Lime’s allegorical dream featuring his distant lover.
8.INT. ROOM OF IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Lensor brings food to Star before Identifier.
#8 goes to Mid-Point!
#18 should be fused with #15
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Alice’s Basic Structure
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is I like to play with structure, but midpoint still is vague to pinpoint!
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
1. Opening
Representation of how SEPARATION works. Life moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
2. Inciting Incident
On a flight back home from resort area.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
This is going to be on the ground of Research Institute, where Anaupsh massacres its workers. But that’s also at another planet, named MIROPOLIS, and has to do with advanced science and discrimination of castes.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
His girlfriend is missing amid lab personnel. “ Where is Kiat?”
5. Mid-Point
Protagonist get contacted by secret service officer after his journalist brother streams confusing news to illustrate the case.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Protagonist gets massacred, officers who contacted him shot.
7. Crisis
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium.
8. Climax
Scandalous process. Judge gives a speech and separates right at the court.
9. Resolution
Upstart with residences for outcastes.
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, AKATA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
Runaway
1. Opening
Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
2. Inciting Incident
Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
MIROPOLIS seventy years after they started with zones.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
Ward meets Akata.
5. Mid-Point
He hides Akata in his apartment behind locked doors.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Ward is shot down.
7. Crisis
Akata burns her stepmother who came back to kill her with acid from the barrel.
8. Climax
Akata deposits report, fights her way via girl, picks up a gun, and deceives helicopter pilot.
9. Resolution
Akata is picked up by high rang military.
Akata outside of reservation
Akata communicates with young high rang military who picked her up at his last gig of technology station.
He brings her to hotel room, where they have sex.
Two officers come to expose him.
He tries to make phone call downstairs, but receives a blow.
He awakes at the hospital, where they finish up locking doors, till military dispatch comes. Main officer freaks out and gets tied up. One of young militay starts giving orders, but reports they are in a siege. Finally they get rescued by regiment he requested by phone.
As he discovers that Akata, now married to him, went pregnant, they get blamed he abuses her, at their stay at another hotel. Military come, main officer freaks out and gets tied up. One of the boys starts giving orders. They search hotel rooms, discover dead body of ten years old, daughter of hotel owner, who goes mad. Psychologist comes and they all exchange contacts.
Boy matures, and gets ward training. As he is inside of reservation, he holds not from shooting to bring young couple outside. They themselves report how brave he went. He faces tribunal, with Son of Main Commander and Psychologist also present. They officially sentence him to death, but in reality would let him come back to reservation, now forever.
Son of Main Commander separates.
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Alice’s Necessary Questions
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how different patterns interact with each other.
MIROPOLIS, the Universal City. SEPARATION.
Part 1
a. Concept:
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
b. Dramatic Question:
This is happening on another planet, and yet it’s relevant. It’s how they made their way we are going to.
c. Main conflict:
How we do we solve social problems.
d. Dilemma:
Protagonist #1: He lost his girlfriend, he must pay with his life.
Judge: He’s unhappy, maybe living amid, managing it, with his subtle body inside. He’s put to justify antagonist, all people hating him, pointing fingers. As it is his fault. But he’s honest.
His separation (someone with subtle body) they given him this artificial death. It’s predicament of Future.
e. Theme:
Techno techno society, nano-particles, division into castes, and self development.
Part 2
a. Concept:
West in dismay, atomic war results and Black Archipelago gets destroyed
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, AKATA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
b. Dramatic Question:
c. Main conflict:
d. Dilemma:
Ward: he must hide it, and his love to her, and if he kills. Either he has sex with her, or he writes report to liberate her. Because if she is his partner, they won’t believe he’s honest reporting.
Akata: She doesn’t fit not only amid people in reservation, but amid those outside as well. She looks, needs, demands for someone higher. She had no sex with that Ward, who she continues to love. And lives with another, who is good, but not enough heroic, maybe?
Son of Main Commander: If he goes to reservation as a ward, this means death, and he would lose them (Akata and kids), he also is her only support. He won’t stop reservations from existence, he himself invests in it.
How many girls are going to die inside of reservation, no ward to help them?
e. Theme:
Meaning: even at TECHNO world we continue to be human, techno is built to suite human needs.
Lesson: How civilization transits with free flow of information, resources availability, and sheds old clothes of former social structure.
Moral: What it means to be human. Struggle of self developed ones in social structure.
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Alice’s Dramatic Plots 2
What I learned doing this is it really could be told by different ways. I didn’t wanna do this. I thought, I pinned it down. But some of plots fit as if for the story. I’m not sure if I run first plot formats via this plot formats. So that story fits all this formats at the same time. I’m not sure which one to choose, though this ones are better written, more dence. I need more information to decide this. Or maybe I must try both ways for Outline, to see which fits better.
Title: MIROPOLIS SEPARATION
Part 1
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
12. Transformation
This plot deals with the process of change as the protagonist journeys
through one of the many stages of life. It concentrates on the nature of
change and how it affects the protagonist from start to finish on one
specific change.
Usually, it follows this pattern: Transforming incident that propels the
protagonist into a crisis, starting the change. Then, we watch the
protagonist experiencing the effects of transformation, concentrating on
their self-examination. As these effects and self-examination build, there
is a clarifying incident which represents the final stage of the
transformation. Now, the character understands the true nature of the
experience and has experienced a significant change in their life.
Advanced Western Society of Planet Miropolis brings into practice Separation, an artificial death, protecting its bearers from inhuman end. Science is advanced, and there is a huge building of Research Academy, housing indefinite number of labs, occupying with all kinds of subject. Across a length of water there is resort area. Young Scientist comes back with his girlfriend, his lab assistant from weekend, turns to his assignment, as she messages him back, and then cannot find her. A couple of people also, as if resigned. As police refuses to see it suspicious, he tries to warn people of that, as number of those who disappear increases. He continues to search labs, as Director of RI is lost, as well as his friend from nearby lab. He gets contacted by governmental people, who say how they also lost a number of their workers on Institute ground. Labs get desolate, when he meets his doom, also be a part of biological genetically modified, so it lives, monster, constructed from parts of human bodies, done in the lab of Anaupsh. Mystery gets uncovered as she represents her work at symposium. Creation gets destroyed, and she is to face the court, with her brother for judge, to justify her, as she is covered by some from governmental circles. He however on the contrary, asks questions in direction of human victims, refusing to justify her, and even proposes beasts like Anaupsh to be recognized as unacceptable for their society, must to be expelled, to keep from doing much evil. As he SEPARATES, video streaming process to all screens, detects how he walks an aisle in subtle body. This shifts consciousness of society, preparing ground for a huge change of filtering population, and create zones for outcastes.
Part 2
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, AKATA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
13. Maturation
This plot is about growing from a naive life to a more experienced
life. Often, it is about the process of going from child to adult.
Usually, you start by establishing their naive state. Create an incident
that challenges her beliefs. The character often rejects the
change. But as more evidence / experiences pile up, she is forced to go
through the change in a gradual way. She doesn’t accomplish adulthood all
at once, but each small lesson brings upheaval and then more
understanding. In the end, she makes the change, but pays a price for it.
Akata is born inside of reservation. She is found there by Ward, who recognizes her being good element to bring outside. She also falls in love with him for his personality. But she is too naïve. He keeps her in his apartment, locked from inside, for a couple of days, as long as he can. When they unlock, one of residents kills him. His apartment get robbed, and Akata raped. She recovers, picks up the only object left, as she is guided in a spirit by lost lover. And destroys her opponent, coming after her, with acid in this barrel. As she deposits report, written on her, there is girl newcomer coming down from the roof. She fights her, robs her of the gun, and after deceiving helicopters pilot, is picked up by high rank military, who recognizes her as their caste also. They quickly come together because of her naiveté, and end at a hotel where their relationships are recognized. They get reported, and get via number of risk situations, when Akata continues to manage, no matter her ignorance of life outside of habitation, its rules and implications. Society keeps undergoing process of filtration, where some are afraid of getting into zones, some get dispatched down there, and others enjoy dealing with all this, and military get vague about their leadership’s indications. Wards get sentenced if they use weapon inside of habitation, as that would be on untrained residents. They pay their life to bring qualified back from zones with no rules to outside. Akata marries her lover, but as their marriage comes into terms, he SEPARATES.
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Alice’s Dramatic Plots 1
What I learned doing this is it wasn’t symple, and I could do it only with the help of structure of nine. Maybe there are still some sentences given too much of story.
MYROPOLIS SEPARATION
Part 1
7. The Riddle
This one challenges the viewer to solve the riddle before the protagonist
does. The core of your riddle should be cleverness: hiding that which is
in plain sight. You set up a mystery, provide clues and misdirection, and
finally give the solution, explaining the motives of the antagonist and the
real sequence of events (as opposed to what seemed to have happened).
Young scientists comes back with his girlfriend from across the sea, where they spent weekend. Next day, Kiat cannot be found. Every next person who disappears is posed as taken a leave, or being on vacation. Anaupsh kills Director of Research Institute, and erases information about her genetic development experiments. One of workers enters, as there are tired up victims, and separates prior they have time to kill him. A commission of aged man and young girl come, and almost blow up their hiding place, but also become victims. Young scientist pays visits to all the labs in sequence, then his journalist brother puts the case on TV. Young scientist gets contacted by secret government organization. They themselves are afraid. At one point at night he can hear knocking from behind the wall when everyone left. He visits Anaupsh’s lab, and loses himself at the site of what she shows him, falling as victim. Government workers who contacted him get killed. Anaupsh presents her work at symposium, and lets her monsters out and they float up to the sky. They get destroyed by dispatch. Anaupsh faces court. Her brother is chosen for judge, so that he would justify her, as she bought governmental police with her “weapon talk”. He gradually pulls every next piece of information out of her, uncovering her vile nature. At the end, he proposes there to be zones, to send outcastes to, no matter consequences. As he separates, video detects his subtle body walking the aisle, streaming it to all screens. This is obvious, now they would face exchange of social system.
Part 2
Akata inside of Reservation
5. Escape
Your hero is confined against his will (often unjustly) and wants to
escape. In this case, the hero is the victim. The natural
progression: imprisonment, initial attempts to escape fail, new plan
is made that is also thwarted, and finally, the actual escape.
Ward choses certain restricted area, where he meets Akata. She keeps visiting him, learning martial arts and writing. Akata commonly avoids other habitants, and is hiding in Ward’s apartment for a couple of days. Their neighbors do all thing to them as the door is locked. Then helicopter brings goodies. Seeing, Akata might get liberated, her family kills Ward. They rob his apartment, and Akata gets tortured. She recovers, and now can see Ward in spirit. He tells her how to fight her step-mother. Then guides upstairs to deposits report. She fights a newcomer in martial combat, disarms her and shoots. Then she picks up on helicopter pilot, deceives him, so that he would take her away. Then points a gun on him. Radio works, and they get contacted. This happens to be military of high rang who choses to bring her to his last gig of technology station.
Akata outside of Reservation
9. Underdog
This plot is similar to Rivalry, except that the protagonist is not matched
equally against the antagonist. The antagonist can be a person, place
(ocean), or thing (bureaucracy), and clearly has much greater power than
the protagonist.
Military who picked up Akata gets quickly evolving feelings to her. Seeing this is mutual, he brings her to hotel, where they have sex. Not naive anymore, Akata stands naked as servant brings wine. They get reported and must fight their way from hotel. As he awakes at a hospital, Akata keeps warding away every next person coming to get hold of them. They are saved by military dispatch. She becomes his wife and travels with him around. She overlooks she is pregnant, not knowing what it is. At one hotel stay, her different behavior evolves into wakeful night with military dispatch finding dead girl’s body with one of residents, and psychologist coming to pacify disturbed officer and hotel’s owner. They make friends for life, meanwhile keeping arresting people to send into zones even from the streets, up to the morning. They never have piece. And yet to go as a Ward into zone means imminent death, as they are forbidden to use weapon on untrained habitants of zones. Not being able to bring resolution to dilemma, he separates.
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Alice’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is as I had to face my very problem, I could not place Mid-Point and Second Turning Point, at the end of Act 2, I knew, something is wrong. But after listing all components, I quickly put it into logical position. I guess, METHOD does work, as I couldn’t do it though having correct scenes. I now believe my own story.
1. Tell us your logline.
Everything falls as cardboard box when small group of casted society descends into underground shelter for a century along snowfall, appearing at the epicenter of destruction of their planet Revozvrander.
2. Present your current story, showing each part of the 9-part structure.
Give us each of these, along with the current main conflict:
Main Conflict:
Due to the ugly scientific experiment, conducted by one of despised caste of Disheveled, planet with Higher Caste leadership gets terribly destroyed.
1. Opening: View of Spinner from cosmic space. Magnet sees predicament in a dream. Maintainers disassemble Identifier, another kind of calculating machine we know. Silicium and Diamond arrive.
2. Inciting Incident: Snow falls. Everyone heads to elevator. They descend into their new habitation.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: This happens on another planet, with society having different standards and technology, casted into three, where they often wed their siblings if they are happen to be their caste, and they descend into underground habitation.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Place has an anomaly. That is akin hallucination. Kids won’t eat or sleep.
5. Mid-Point: Higher Caste installs Identifier to find info on their dwelling. Omnivol, Disheveled one, puts together magma and plaster, ever expanding matter, and discovers something in her research, so that she can now program it.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Star is put before Identifier to copy data for Stone, their friend, so that he would carry it to Slider, another planet in their solar system. Disheveled group create havoc to reach Identifier, but fail.
7. Crisis: Star discovers hidden conversation on Identifier, cracks the code, and they find out, future of Revozvrander is impenetrable. Zones become unavailable gradually, and their habitation is amid first ones.
Omnivol insists on all kids go down to basement, placement of Disheveled caste, kills Diamond and infuses her with concoction. Dead body of Diamond turns into dead but animated monster, which they plant into box, filled with ashes of massacred kids. Gilding witnesses it and loses her mind. Mindless now take her in their midst. Guards search underground, but can’t blame Disheveled directly. Keepers send Star with Battery info holder to Stone.
8. Climax: Omnivol is interrogated. One of Disheveled turns planting box upside down and monster roots into sand floor of habitation, rising on long stem up to the ceiling. Mindless insists Crystallon would touch it, as he proposed it. As he touches it, Thing starts growing, shoots and branches, catching at rock walls. It absorbs any organic matter! Electricity gets destroyed. Survived group of Higher Caste runs away taking elevator upstairs.
9. Resolution: Keepers go down, and find out, it now fills all free space of underground, and that Omnivol programed it for controlled growing. Lime pulls out programming card, and catastrophe insures. Habitation gets destroyed, and then planet. There are only ugly brunches in place of Spinner.
But Stone with all the Data with knowledge to preserve reaches Slider where society is at tribal state.
3. Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one
to elevate.
5, Midpoint, and 6, Second turning point at the end of Act 2.
4. Separating that one (or more) item(s) out, list the
main purpose of that item in the story and brainstorm a list of
other possible ways to deliver that structural item.
Find Info
Copy Data
Crack the Code
Find Info main purpose is, they do install Identifier for a research, and then can grant Stone with All the Knowledge Data copied. As Data gets copied, Star notices a secret conversation.
If future is impenetrable, it is predicament, Revozvrander doesn’t exist in Future. This makes foremost importance to copy data for Stone.
Omnivol makes her discovery at night, and discusses this with Abalone Shell. Main purpose of this is, it brings to crisis, when she creates a monster, and culmination, when monster starts growing.
Brainstorming
Therefore,
It might be they first install Identifier to Find Info.
Then Quartz just talks to Stone over the phone.
Then Star notices a link, and cracks the code immediately, as she is a hacker.
So learn of areas closing for future penetration through time machine.
Then they do Copy Data of knowledge, given to them by Cosmic Civilization, of which they hardly use a fraction with their technology. Knowing, Stone can save it, bringing to nearby planet Slider, as that is also his desire, maybe.
For them that becomes a foremost importance. For that reason they let Omnivol to bring kids down and don’t press on her, searching underground. Basically, she consciously uses circumstances.
When they know Info is safe with Stone, who left Revozvrander by spacecraft, they no longer abstain from crossing Omnivol’s path.
5. Make a second list of the Main Conflict and Structural items
with the improvements you’ve made. Again, it will contain the
following:
Main Conflict:
1. Opening: View of Spinner from cosmic space. Magnet sees predicament in a dream. Maintainers disassemble Identifier, another kind of calculating machine we know. Silicium and Diamond arrive.
2. Inciting Incident: Snow falls. Everyone heads to elevator. They descend into their new habitation.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: This happens on another planet, with society having different standards and technology, casted into three, where they often wed their siblings if they are happen to be their caste, and they descend into underground habitation.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Place has an anomaly. That is akin hallucination. Kids won’t eat or sleep.
5. Mid-Point: Omnivol, Disheveled one, puts together magma and plaster, ever expanding matter, and discovers something in her research, so that she can now program it.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Star discovers hidden conversation on Identifier, cracks the code, and they find out, future of Revozvrander is impenetrable. Zones become unavailable gradually, and their habitation is amid first ones. They start copying data for Stone, but this takes a time.
7. Crisis: Omnivol insists on all kids go down to basement, placement of Disheveled caste, kills Diamond and infuses her with concoction. Dead body of Diamond turns into dead but animated monster, which they plant into box, filled with ashes of massacred kids. Gilding witnesses it and loses her mind. Mindless now take her in their midst. Guards search underground, but can’t blame Disheveled directly. Keepers send Star with Battery info holder to Stone.
8. Climax: Omnivol is interrogated. One of Disheveled turns planting box upside down and monster roots into sand floor of habitation, rising on long stem up to the ceiling. Mindless insists Crystallon would touch it, as he proposed it. As he touches it, Thing starts growing, shoots and branches, catching at rock walls. It absorbs any organic matter! Electricity gets destroyed. Survived group of Higher Caste runs away taking elevator upstairs.
9. Resolution: Keepers go down, and find out, it now fills all free space of underground, and that Omnivol programed it for controlled growing. Lime pulls out programming card, and catastrophe insures. Habitation gets destroyed, and then planet. There are only ugly brunches in place of Spinner.
But Stone with all the Data with knowledge to preserve reaches Slider where society is at tribal state.
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Alice’s Character Structure
What I learned, doing this assignment is there are five types of character structure. Telling about the characters, we also tell the story.
FIRST PART
1. List your concept.
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLYS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
2. Tell us the Character Structure you choose for your story.
#1, Protagonist versus Antagonist
3. Give us one sentence on each of your lead characters.
Protagonist #1 Is a young scientist who tries to bring public attention to the fact workers get missing in their Research Institute, but shares same doom.
Antagonist is Anaupsh, she is head of development lab, who instead secretly constructs monsters from parts of human bodies, all victims.
Protagonist #2 Is a judge, Anaupsh’s brother, who is to lead a process, and separates.
4. In one or two paragraphs, tell us how you see the character structure playing out in your story.
He’s talented, well looking, dramatic losing his girlfriend from upstart, and really tries to uncover it. People come and go. Some of them he talks to. Periodically he also encounters Anaupsh, about which there is something sinister. She gets one then another man for her victim, killing them, young scientist at the end.
Then Judge, who is aged man, takes lead of Protagonist, refusing to justify Anaupsh’s actions. Dramatic, because he Separates under circumstances.
SECOND PART
1. List your concept.
West in dismay, atomic war results and Black Archipelago gets destroyed
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, AKATA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
2. Tell us the Character Structure you choose for your story.
#3 or #4 Romantic or Dramatic Triangle
3. Give us one sentence on each of your lead characters.
Ward, who is getting killed in reservation, prior he has time to save Akata.
Akata is girl, born inside reservation who escapes.
Son of Main Commander, a rang, is a young man who accidentally meets Akata outside.
4. In one or two paragraphs, tell us how you see the character structure playing out in your story.
Ward is physically trained, not young, clever and honest. He educates Akata with writing and martial arts. He writes report for Akata, then residents kill him. Akata is tortured, but recovers, and now can see him in subtle body. He guides her to fight, deposit report, and go for helicopter bringing foods to reservation. Akata deceives pilot, and is then picked up by Son of Main Commander. Their relationship first meets suspicion of common folks and military. And though they live it through, dramatic feelings make him separate at the end.
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Hello, I’m Alice Eden
I’ve written one script. And it is now only at 2nd draft. I’ve written and exchanged it many a times. And I hope to make it real now. I’m currently at ProSeries and Fearless classes of ScreenwritingU.
I am professional painter, and been doing animation project for a couple of years.
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Alice Eden
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Alice’s Logline and One Page
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…
I’m not sure if I do this correctly, as I give too much of prehistory. It possibly might be incorporated. It is only given by characters description as yet in scenario.
Title: REVOZVRANDER
Everything falls as cardboard box when a small group of casted society descends into underground shelter for a century long snowfall, appearing at the epicenter of destruction of their planet Revozvrander.
Two small in size planets orbit huge sun. Slider has it at Stone Age tribal state. Spinner on another hand has techno society with caste division and genetic problems. These people are last holders of Truth, as they are given higher knowledge by Cosmic Civilization of another planet, went destroyed, doing scientific experiment. Spinner turns so quickly that part of its population turns autistic and is called Mindless. Higher Caste is in its turn divided into Keepers, Maintainers, necessary dark-haired, and Guards, necessary blond, also Females. Some people just belong to Higher Caste.
Periodically, Spinner alleviates so far from its sun that it turns into long winter. This time increases, and now they face a number of centuries of winter ahead. Now all population is to descend into underground shelter to spend it there.
Group of people, consisting mostly of Keepers Quartz and Lime family chooses small shelter at the North. They descend with a number of Mindless they are to guard for, and Disheveled, third caste, despised but necessary to provide medical help.
But as they descend, they meet unexpected obstacle, which is anomaly of the shelter. Their children would neither sleep nor eat. However Mindless refuse to exchange the dwelling, not having discrimination.
Keepers decide to research the subject and install IDENTIFIER, calculating machine, before they where supposed to.
Meanwhile Omnivol of Disheveled works on her scientific “discovery”. She also needs Identifier, to program nanoparticles in magma she connected with plaster, ever expanding matter. Experiment becomes dangerous, and she wants quickly use it, infuse into someone. She’s cautious and chooses one of teens for her aim.
During research she carries, Star finds information on time machine conducted experiment. Future of Revozvrander is impenetrable! Time machine won’t let it through, as that would bring to Paradox. Zones close gradually, and their shelter is amid first areas to close.
Using and creating havoc, Omnivol makes it for her experiment, and hides the ends. But “monster” she created, infusing into dead Diamond is still week.
Keepers send Star with BATTERY info holder to Stone, their friend who resolved to leave Spinner for Slider, so that knowledge would be preserved.
As Omnivol gets investigated, one of Disheveled turns everything out of the planting box. Monster roots into sand floor and rises on the stem up to the shelters ceiling! Mindless insist on Crystallon touch the THING, as he proposed. As he touches it, monster starts growing. It absorbs any organic matter! The Thing springs offshoots and brunches, destroying electricity. Survived group of Higher Caste takes elevator up, running away.
When they descend back, they find Thing fills all free space of underground, and that Omnivol programmed it via Identifier. Lime pulls out programming card, and Thing starts grow fast, destroying underground, planet on top, and penetrating it through. Only logs of ugly brunches now are at the place of Spinner.
But Stone gets to Slider to gradually evolve tribal society into techno one.
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Even if you are Good storyteller, you cannot do it better, than your skills permit you.
My way is to work From Above
I have nothing unconscious, unconsciously thought her, and immediately suspected in her unconscious, she missed this vision of unconscious in her before
Why it takes me about a year to recuperate after receiving feedback, even though I like criticism.
I blindly was moving through many many years in more or less correct direction, but I won’t know this. Knowing, one can support oneself with one’s knowledge, and be quickier.
I now know, why I was staring into computer for a long time, unable to write.
It most amazed me about Japan, they are so famous for their electronics! They even created nano-biological computers! That was a leap!
Way in Hollywood is much more simpler than one might suppose.
I had a couple of pinpoints, like
1. I cannot transcend it above, without screenwriting skills.
2. I was correct in not alleviating in another land, or changing characters.
3. It was complete for me, but I was told that I don’t have a story, so I started looking for other scenes, – is for Finding Gaps. And Elevating.
4. My way if I couldn’t just come up with correct scene, to pour out trash, then clean it, was a correct way. Same for writing mediocre scenes, some are kept. This way, my draft is Middle Draft.
5. Yes, I was told how my formatting was trashed down, so nor good grade for Presentation. And it was quite amazing for me at that moment.
Actually, I am inarticulate, and my fright are Descriptions. This is obviously because I am a painter, having to do landsapes. It took me years to write “Cold Weather. Clouded sky.”
However, in appreciation of High Concept class, I had a barrier. I already have one HC, and I can’t come out with another.
So I decided that I’m beginner in one things, and advanced in others.
And I received my first breackthrough. My concept is me, like a credo, but no one knows it. I’m standing here, like it already happen.
Therefore, I resolved that I must as working on High Concept, make it visible for other people.
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Alice Eden
One script.
I am good with storytelling, have written a couple of those, happened to be not bad. Or else articles. I was well scored on High Concept. But, script is something completely different. I am complete zero in knowing how to do that. I’ m writing blindfolded, falling into common pitfalls, or escaping some of them by instinct.
I’m not sure, should I work on my script I tried to accomplish, or work on another idea I have as well.
English is not my first tongue. I am professional artist. I look much younger than my age, and feel the same, but the fact, I am not young anymore. I tried all kinds of gimnastics. Used to be a vivid reader, then started writing instead.
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Alice Eden
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Alice’s Villain Track!
What I learned doing this assignment is it was difficult for me create lables. It’s obvious I relate to labels as tags, already created by others.
Villain Track
Villain might use common ways, like in the life – job loss, capture as intruders on restricted territory, and enjail. He might use millitary, to remove an obstacle like a crime act, behind the scenes villain is criminal. Or he might use results of evil science from experiment ongoing.
there is both pre-order existing plan (to conduct experiment, and destroy all the evidence) so and created on the spot, when they start to be bothered.
There are no individuals for Villain. He thinks only with blocks. Block of military under his command. Lab workers to use, and destroy (with building). Simple people not to be taken into account, to be used. Voters to have good face before. This way he loses to individuals, who he did not expect to happen. That Hero would be hired as security guard, and happens to be a hacker, cracking into his email conversation from boredom. That a couple of days prior Hero met this girl from the lab to fall in love with. That Hero’s wife who’s millitary art trained would support him into building. Villain doesn’t expect unexpected. Knowing, it is in his powers to remove an obstacle, he doesn’t predict it. Outcome and faces behind the scene, Hero, his Lady, and his Wife, remain unknown for him, fully immersed into his sci experiment, till the very end, when he can’t reach a hellicopter, and appears to be blocked inside of the lab.
On another hand, military searching the building for intruders after fire alarm, don’t destroy people who spread outside, as it is not a time yet for this. Leaded into trap, instead of intruders, military face experiment, and fail, this way not heading to destroy an area, and activity gets exposed.
Plan: To conduct dangerous experiment with Uranium. Doom the whole area as pollutted, building destroyed with people and labs, all traces of exp hidden.
Obstacle: Intruders, Alarms inside.
Decission: Continue with experiment.
Dilemma: Security inside is under attack, net system disturbed.
Plan: Call military in to capture Intruders.
Obstacle: Fire Alarm set, all people heading out of the building.
Loss: Millitary, lead by false track, head straight to experimental plce, and face consequences.
Unsuccessful Escape: Doors apparently blocked via digital operation system, penetrated by intruders, Villain cannot ascend to his helicopter waiting on the roof top.
Fitting End: to be destroyed together with the building he dooms for destruction, or else be exposed.
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Alice’s Hero’s Mission Track
What I learned doing this assignment is that impossible is possible, it can be planned actually. It doesn’t need yet to be detalized.
Ask the Mission Track questions to discover your Hero’s mission.
A. What is it about this Hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds?<div>
Knowing of impending danger, he can’t let it go, as it would be him guilty in !getting nice interesting lady, ignorant of danger, to be killed. He also then would never see her again.
<div>
B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal?
He must not only steal into restricted area, but after escape to confront senator with all powers in that one’s position to search for them and destroy, unless they kill him first prior escape.
C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero?
Internal motivation he wishes to bear his subject.
External motivation: info he possesses after he hacked into net dialogue.
D. Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What could naturally happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain?
Their only chance to escape is either exposure, or politician stuck in area he dooms to be exploded, and be destroyed with it.
2.
Clear Mission: To save the lady, and escape, destroying senator.
Motivation: Hero cracks into comp, and finds info, an interesting lady he’s in love is under danger.</div><div>
Inciting Incident:
First Action: Hero drops from his night security post and leaves for a place, where scientific experiment is ongoing.
Twist: His wife suspects it, and tracks him down to restricted building.
Obstacle: Access to building is restricted, they must steal into it under disquise.
Twist: As they steal inside, he MUST tell his wife real reasons they are here.
Obstacle: They need to find his lady who is in one of the labs, in order to do this, he phones her, prompting down a secret question, only her knows answer to (what he gifted prior their parting), and prompts her to delete conversation and call him back during break, masking it from security.
Apparent success: They find each other and keep stealing around.
Escalation: they do must steal out of the building and not to be pursued. But it is now also moral question of other people.
Overwhelming Odds: They face security inside, and military outside. And scientific experiment.
New Plan: To block exit, after they would bring everyone out with fire alarm.
Full out Attack: Military, following the track, face scientific experiment.
Success: Senator is blocked inside of a lab, as Hero and his company use his helicopter to escape.
</div></div>
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II learned from this assignment how it acts a guid, commonly I would unspin, this brings me back, makes me define outlines.
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Concept: Man hacks into mail at his night security job to learn of upcoming danger, and has now to face politician and wiard science to rescue her.
Hero Morally Right: He sacrifices his peace and endangers
himself to save other lives. <div>Villain Morally Wrong: He only thinks of people being disposable,
and enjoys freedom from punishment using his means of senator.Hero
A. Unique Skill Set
Hacking, Martial Arts, and weapon. But his wife is professional, she’s
much better at fights, and can help him. <div><div>B. Motivation He
needs both save his lady from intrespassable area, and go away from possible
pursuit.C. Secret or Wound He’s in love with new lady, but doesn’t want
to lose his wife either. He intends to keep both of them, naïve about each
other existence.Villain
A. Unbeatable In his stronghold are military forces, capability
to secure area, conceal or expose information, money, and of course evil science. </div>B. Plan/Goal To hide all the traces from ongoing scientific
experiment.<div>
C. What they lose if Hero survives He would be exposed.
Impossible Mission
A. Puts Hero in Action He must reach destination, steal
into building, find his lady, and get out. </div>B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: He must face military,
science, and the senator.C. Destroy the Villain They must either destroy senator,
blackmail him, or stop experiment, save other people, and expose everything,
or they will be lost.</div></div>
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Jul’s Conventions!
Concept: Man must get out of the doomed area, saving his loved ones, for the least, but gets stuck, and must overcome opposite party.
Hero: Hacker went trained, and gets a job of Security Guard
Demand For Action: He uncovers information about an area land planned to be destroyed
Mission: To save an interesting lady he just fallen in love with, who he knows went to work right into that area, at the same time keeping it unknown to his wife.
Antagonist: A Politition, turned out to be an evil scientist, who wishes to conduct evil scientific experiment, and cover up all the traces by destroying the whole area where that would happen
Escalating Action: They all stuck in labs building with doors blocked, together with his wife, who started following him down there, and an Evil Scientist, all unable to get out.
It was difficult to overcome old habits. I learned how to step across old preconceptions.
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J. Alice Eden
I will do my work privately, as I work on it for a decade.
I agree with 1. and 2. of the document bellow
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
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1. Jul Alice Eden
2. One feature. Others in a draft.
3. I hope it would give me a tool to rewrite my script.
4. English isn’t my first tongue. I’m professional artist. I’ve written and self published a couple of books, non fiction, on the subject of Enneagram. A poet. Have shifted consciousness.
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WWould be wonderful! I just have no words to use. My knowledge is limited by tekwondo and tie chi, followed by drawings in a broshure, but that was long time ago!
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Hey Cam!
Discourage? No, by no chance. No insult at all. Contrary, you make me see it. Sarcasm is our first tongue! YESS!
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Hello Cameron,
I’m so happy to find your review, always. It was quite helpful.
I liked your example so much that I employed it right away, (SUPERIMPOSE)
This is time obviously to clean up the s creepy and add things like that, though I’m not quite ready with it, what could be done.
I removed all ‘WE’s. About dialog, its not very encouraging to read that resembles English dub, but its honest, and makes me face it. I wanna justify myself, because I want it sound in particular way, they I don’t want to change that. I did what I could now.
Slogan, which you liked, ‘we don’t give answers for free’, I changed that after what you say, as I don’t wanna be so obvious. I’m pretty international.
Maybe KIAT’s disappearance is inciting incident, though I all the time believed it to be A Point at the end of Act One (its quick, but that is just first part) and Inciting Incident when file doesn’t open (as it sets villain hidden plot on) It’s my fault. I changed all outline stages into scene description. Though your conception varies from mine, that is either author’s fault or sophisticated content with idioms. About things like this anyone can think anything they want.
Cheers
Alice
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Hey Dev,
Thank you for your generosity. Really, ‘turn in’ doesn’t mean what I believe it does. I changed thst. I meant, they are coming back by that. Your words are very encouraging!
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Hello,Mathew, yes, but could you please use my second variation bellow?
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Critique for Antonio
Hello, Antonio, I own you a feedback. But, if you chose to read mine, please read second version, posted bellow under my first post. Thanks.
LOGLINE: When a prizefighter disappears, his faithful girlfriend embarks in a dangerous journey through the underground MMA world, where she meets deadly challenges and fights for him to the end.
ITS A GOOD LOGLINE
FADE IN:
MALE VOICE (V.O.) (whispering reverberation)
Break up. Break up. (beat) Tell her: go to hell! (beat) Gotta break up! (beat) or THEY. WILL. KILL. HER.
SETS PREDICAMENT OF DANGER FOR PARISA?
INT. FRANCE — PARISA’S HOME BASEMENT — NIGHT
A gloomy, scruffy fitness room.
The cold frame of a treadmill stands like a ghost ship harbored in a sea of trash and dirt. The control panel glows in the darkness like a dormant, otherworldly creature not to be disturbed.
ITS POETIC
SUPER: PARIS, 3:30 AM
A door opens. A FEMALE VOICE croons a song about loneliness.
IF THERE IS A PARTICULAR SONG, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE ITS TITLE
A tungsten-glaring lamp lights up like a full moon whose glowing neglects everything except for the treadmill.
Through the shades, pictures on the wall show memories of PARISA NEDELLEC and her quest for excellence as a cheerleader.
COOL USE OF MEDIA TO CREATE A SET
An old piece of sticky tape has mostly given up on its mission to cover the phrase:
“MOM AND DAD’S MASTERPIECE“
… engraved on a frame with a picture of her as a child, a young girl cursed to spend a lifetime in the narrow world of physical beauty — except that she doesn’t buy any of that.
Dressed in dark color skintight action-wear, Parisa, mid-20’s, slim, athletic silhouette approaches the…
PICTURE FRAME
… replaces the old sticky tape with a new one, and gives it a quick rub to make sure it stays.
She pours a bottle of water on her head and climbs on the treadmill like one who gets on the back of an untamed beast.
THE BIGGEST WAR IS WITH OURSELVES
WELL, AS A GIRL, IM CURIOUS WHATS INSIDE OF MEDALION. TO USE VOICE OVER AS SHE GATHERS IS A GOOD FIND.
I FIND THAT BAHADUR’S FIGHT IS STILL LITTLE DEPICTED. INSTEAD, UNCLE IS IN HYSTERIA. YOU SHANT EXCHANGE IT AND COVER WITH THAT. BESIDES, IF BAHADUR WAS WINING. CONTRARY, IF YOU GIVE A SHOW OF HOW THEY FIGHT, BAHADUR IS WINNING, UNCLE, EVEN SCARED, SHALL NOT COMPLAIN, BUT EXPECT BAHADUR TO WIN. THEN WHEN HE GETS POISONED, THAT CREATES BIGGER TWIST.
YOU KNOW HOW THEY FIGHT. DID YOU STUDY MARTIAL ARTS? AND I WAS SO STRUGLING WITH MY SINGLE COMBAT SCENE, STILL UNDONE.
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Critique for Dana
Hey Dana! Your screenplay is quite fine. It looks like solid work, and much more advanced than previous versions. I would by no chance to drop the first scene, it gives us all the clues. One more scripted message might work, but this scene is better.
See my notes in bold. If you would give me Critique back, please use Variation 2, I posted it under first one. Thank You.
FADE IN:
Over DARKNESS, we HEAR two people talking.
MAN’S VOICE
Do you know why I come here to see you, doctor?
WOMAN’S VOICE
Tell me.
GOOD. YOU INTRODUCE YOUR HERO RIGHT AWAY.
MAN’S VOICE
This is the only place where I’m allowed to exist.
The darkness fades to reveal DR. ELLEN LANDRY sitting in her therapist’s chair, surrounded by the shadows of an office.
She’s a petite, winsome woman, mid-thirties with short raven hair whisking her shoulders. If not for her Valentino power suit, she’d be sprinkling fairy dust over Disneyland.
YEP. IF SHE IS FRAGILE, THEN BIGGER CONTRAST OF HER BEEN AT RISK
ELLEN
What makes you feel that way?
MAN (O.S.)
Out there, in the world, I lose me. He spends most of his time with the others.
ELLEN
The others? There are other people involved in your relationship?
HERE WE SEE, SHE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THE TRUE IMPLICATION!
MAN (O.S.)
My life is very crowded. He pursues a new alternative whenever he gets bored or depressed.
ELLEN
Are you engaged in a polyamorous arrangement with your partner?
MAN (O.S.)
Polyamorous. What an elegant word.
HE LIKES HER. AND HAS VALUES. I.E. HE’S NOT A KILLER
ELLEN
You’re avoiding the question.
MAN (O.S.)
You noticed.
HE HIMSELF DOESNT KNOW
(beat)
To be honest, I haven’t met any of them. They keep their distance. But they’re there, always at his ready. I feel them — like hairs on the back of my neck. A sixth sense.
HE MISTAKES WHAT’S INSIDE WHAT’S OUTSIDE
ELLEN
Have you told your partner how you feel?
MAN (O.S.)
He has deaf ears.
I.E. SIMPLY USING HIM
ELLEN
You have a right to your own voice. It’s your relationship, too.
MAN (O.S.)
If it were only that simple…
HE’S DEEP IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
ELLEN
Maybe it is. If you’re not happy, you should consider a break. Take time to decide what you want for the both of you.
MAN (O.S.)
You mean surrender?
ELLEN
A break isn’t surrender. It’s an opportunity to breathe, to take a step back and see things from the distance.
A long beat. Ellen notices his mood suddenly change.
THAT WOULD BE ACORRECT ADVISE, IF HIS ABUSER IS A MAN AT OUTSIDE WORLD, IT MAKES FOR LAYERING. IT ALSO GIVES RYAN A REASON.
MAN (O.S.)
They got to you, didn’t they?
ALAS, HE’S DEALING WITH HIS FEARS HERE OF IDENTITY
ELLEN
Excuse me?
IM NOT SURE. IF SHE IS PSYCHOLOGIST, AFTER HE SPOKE OF SURRENDER, SHE MUST BE MORE CLEVER. SHE MAYBE SHOULD REASURE HIM AT ONCE
MAN (O.S.)
That’s it, isn’t it? You’re talking to them. They want me gone. This is an intervention.
ELLEN
What? No. Why would you think that?
MAN (O.S.)
I trusted you, doctor. I bore my soul to you. And you betray me?
ELLEN
Never. I’d never betray our trust.
MAN (O.S.)
They’ve heard my every thought. My secrets. And now they’re scared of me… afraid of what I might do.
Anxious, Ellen realizes she losing control of her patient.
ELLEN
What might you do?
MAN (O.S.)
They want to disappear me. Drag me back… after I crawled my way out from that hell. And you’re helping them.
ELLEN
That isn’t true. You need to calm down.
MAN (O.S.)
Do you know how it feels to wander in the abyss? Abandoned? Lost? To hear them whisper from the shadows? Conspiring… beyond reach?
ELLEN
This is making me nervous. I think we should stop here for the day.
MAN (O.S.)
I can’t allow that. If I leave this room, they’ll win. I know that now. I’d be banished to the dark… their hands, cold on me…
ELLEN
You have to stop this now.
IF HE DEMONSTRATES RETURN TO HIS SICKNESS SHE HAS TO HELP HIM THE WAY IT WAS DONE PRIOR. IF YOU COULD MAKE THIS MORE SOFISTICATED THAT WOULD PLAY OUT. SHE MIGHT GET UP AND TURN AFTER MEDICINE OR EVEN NOTES, AND HE PULLS THE GUN
MAN (O.S.)
Yes… I do.
Ellen’s eyes go wild in shock as — BANG! — a small caliber pistol FIRES. The man’s body FLOPS to the floor. A beat.
We HEAR the door BURST open. A woman GASPS. “Oh, my God!” People flock into the room. VOICES — “Ellen! Oh, dear God. Ellen!” “Someone call the cops!” “Ellen? Are you hurt?” “Call the ambulance!” “Someone call the police!”
FADE TO BLACK:
SOMEONE WALKS DOWN WOODEN STAIRS. A BOLT IS PULLED BACK. A DOOR OPENS. A SHAFT OF LIGHT FROM OUTSIDE. A MAN YANKS A PULL CHAIN AND A LIGHTBULB BLINKS ON.
INT. SMALL ROOM – NIGHT
Windowless. Stone walls. Exposed pipes.
CHAINS AND SHACKLES DROP to the floor. The MAN, unseen, wraps and padlocks a chain to a heavy pipe. He wraps another and tests the lock with a tug.
He sets a portable radio on a table and extends the antenna. He tests the reception. The radio CHIRPS. Off again.
He yanks the pull chain. The LIGHTBULB blinks off. The door CLOSES. Darkness again. The bolt LOCKS into place.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Dim lighting. Lots of shadows.
He flips open a laptop on a table, plugs it into a socket.
One by one, he lays cell phones out in a line. Handcuffs, duct tape, rope, a hunting knife, and a .38 special follow.
We HEAR him WALK UPSTAIRS. The lights go out. The basement door CLOSES. DARKNESS.
THAT’S A VERY GOOD INTRO. WELL SUITED.
CUT TO:
EXT. SAN FRANCISCO – AERIAL SHOT – MORNING
A brisk day. The city is alive. We HEAR a series of NEWS UPDATES like someone flipping channels.
RADIO HOST 1 (V.O.)
…west-bound across the Bay Bridge is backed-up due to a stalled SUV in the number four lane. CHP is on scene, but expect delays…
THAT IS ALSO A GOOD TRANSITION.
NEXT SCENE WHERE HER HUSBAND CALLS HER, I KNOW IT’S NOT PERFECT YET. JUST KEEP IT CONSCISE WITH EMPHASIS ON MISSING A TURN, PIZZA, AND HER CONSEALING
HER COMING TO WORK SCENE IS MUCH BETTER NOW. IF JASON SHOT HIMSELF BUT STAYED ALIVE, WE NEED SOMEHOW GET IT. IF I MADE SSED THAT POINT
THAT’S ALL IN THE BOUNDARIES OF THRILLER GENRE. IT RISES CURIOUSITY, BUT IS AT PLACES TOO STRETCHY WITH DIALOGS. A LITTLE BIT OF EDITING, MAKING THEM PRESISE FOR YOUR AIM
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Critique for Cameron!
Hello Cam! I see you changed that! I like it this way, that’s a strong start. More classy
INT. CLOSET
BLACK. HEAVY BREATHING. AN ALARM BLARING.
A light SLASHES through the darkness, illuminating BETH.
She dials a number on her phone…
It RINGS for an eternity.
GOOD WAY TO SHAW BETH, AND INTRODUCE SALLY
BETH
Hello? Hello, Sully?
SULLY
(on the phone)
Beth! Where are you?
BETH
It’s in the room with me.
SULLY
What?
BETH
It’s in the room. I’m in a closet hiding from it.
Anguished pause.
BETH
Where are you? Is Isaiah with you?
AND WE PREDICT, WHERE IT GOES
SULLY
Cover your mouth with a shirt and—
BANG! The closet door holds.
BETH
Is our son with you?!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
SULLY
No, the alarm just went off. Cover your face and run!
BANG! BANG! CRACK! The door frame splinters!
Beth presses her feet against the wall, pushing with her back against a box and the subsequent door.
BETH
It’s our neighbor, Sul!
ALMOST GIVING ALL THE CLUE I.E. “CONVERTERS”
SULLY’S attitude to photo is most great. Feels somehow familiar
Few words for techno stuff, is a plus
Scene with a doctor is still a bit stretchy, probably because you remade it. If you removed it, like they carry sick boy into bunker, I liked that scene. I don’t know, if you did. Its up to you of course. You know better.
Manager stuff is cool. ‘Bad Boss’ always matters
Knowing, what kid keeps under bed, yep! That’s what kids do! That’s what they are capable of! Just leave them on their own, they would put extraterrestrial on the attic!
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Critique for Matthew!
Hello Matthew! I totally enjoyed reading it
LOGLINE: After the judicial system is switched to social media voting, a group of z-list influencers and offbeat outcasts must try to survive the monster hunt, as the audience votes on the creatures sent in to kill them.
ITS GOOD LOGLINE, MAYBE MORE ABOUT ALICIA
INT. INSANE ASYLUM – NIGHT
HALLWAY
The place is trashed, with dead bodies on the ground mixed in with garbage and overall griminess. Messy gang graffiti lines the walls. What is this hellhole?
NICE SET, ENGAGING
BLAM! A man comes crashing out of a door on one side of the hallway, out of breath. This is PACO, a hulking menace covered in tattoos, carrying a baseball bat with a spike in it. He collapses against the wall, exhausted.
FEELS LIKE ALREADY THE TWIST
CLICK. Then, out of the other door, stumbles SPENCER. He’s even bigger than Paco, with a military-cut and an aura of viciousness. He tightly grips a rusty chain like it’s a massive rosary for the damned.
ONE MORE TWIST! I AS IF SEE THIS ON SCREEN!
Did I mention both were covered in blood? And I mean head-to-toe covered. It’s even in their eyes and hair.
The two look at each other and lock eyes.
WELL DONE! DOESNT FEEL LIKE THEY ARE TO FIGHT EACH OTHER
HOST (V.O.)
Here we are, folks. The final moment of final moments has come upon us.
SCENE TRANSITION! QUITE SUITABLE
INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT
The HOST (50’s), in a fancy Armani suit and oozing charisma, is the only thing illuminated on an all-black stage. He speaks in a terse whisper to the hidden audience.
WE UNDERSTAND, WE ARE AT ‘HUNGER GAMES’ LIKE SETTING
HOST
The two most vicious and bloodthirsty murderers left in the world are about to meet up for the last time. Both gangs have been annihilated in the just ten minutes. They’re all that’s left of the world’s prison population. And we’re watching their brutal end with our very eyes.
THIS MAKES IT CLEAR, IF WE DIDNT GET ALL CLUES PRIOR
INT. INSANE ASYLUM – NIGHT
PACO and SPENCER step up to each other. They look each other up and down–then Paco breaks down into hysterical tears.
GOOD CONTRAST, WELL PACKED IN FEW WORDS
PACO
I don’t want to die like this, man! Charlie had his fucking intestines ripped out by that thing…
PREPARES US FOR WHAT WE ARE TO WATCH
(NOTE: THIS IS THE END OF PAGE 1)
He shudders. Spencer starts quivering.
SPENCER
This isn’t fair. Nothing we did deserves this.
PACO
Fuck, ain’t nothing could deserve this shit!
AGAIN, NICE CONTRAST! “BAD GUYS” TALK JUSTICE
SPENCER
I just want to go home.
PACO
Maybe if we find a good enough place to hide–
DING!–From the building’s elevator, down a perpendicular hallway from where they’re standing.
They both tremble in fear.
PACO
Is that–
SPENCER
It can’t be. It can’t use an elevat–
Then they hear a low, growling sound from the elevator as the door slowly opens, enveloped in darkness.
WELL PLAYED, BUT DONT TERMINATE WORD IN A MIDDLE, THAT SEEMS TO ME AMATEUR’S WAY
All we make out is a massive, dark shape…and bright yellow eyes. It growls louder and just watches.
THIS SEEMS TO ME A LITTLE BIT NOT ENOUGH FOR WHAT WE EXPECTED, BUT MAYBE THAT IS NICE CONTRAST AGAIN
It almost sounds like it’s laughing at them.
They stand, frozen. Spencer drops the chain absentmindedly.
SPENCER
It’s too late.
I KNOW ITS LIKE YOU WANT, BUT THIS IS LIKE HE IS TOO QUICK TO DROP OUT OF FIGHT
PACO
I’m sorry, Mom. I wish I did better.
THIS JUSTIFIES SPENCER DROPPING RIGHT AWAY
Then–RAAAARRRRR!–the dark shape roars–
The run! Through the door Spencer came out of. The two dip down a–
SECOND HALLWAY
–slipping in blood as they go.
Paco tries a door. It’s locked. Spencer tries another. Locked too.
AGAIN, WE RATHER EXPECT ONE OF THEM FIND A WAY, LOCK ANOTHER INSIDE, BUT THAT WOULD BE RESOLUTION, AND YOU INTRODUCE US TO THE TEEM IDEA
PACO
Fuck! One of these gotta be open!
ROARRRR! GRRRR!
The beast gets closer and the two sprint as fast as they can down the hall. The beast speeds up after them.
SPENCER
Where we gonna–
CHOMP! The beast is so fast that we don’t see it…but we do see Spencer’s body fly past us–completely torn apart.
Paco gets to a wall and there’s nowhere to go.
He turns around. His tattooed eyes cry profusely as he shakes his head.
He looks at a video camera on the wall.
SPENCER
Please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!
The beast is now getting closer, walking slowly towards him.
He cries, eyes pleading for mercy. Then he hardens up and–
WHAM! Rams the nail in his bat right into his own forehead. Blood trickles down as the body crumples to the ground.
THAT WAS REAL ROUGH
HOST (V.O.)
And stop there.
INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY
The same Host from before stands in a production room, next to the editors. The Host points to the screen.
HOST
We cut to the intro and then live on me.
EDITOR #1
(smiling)
Last year was so gruesome.
HOST
Exactly. Whet their appetite for what come’s next.
EDITOR #2
Won’t that just put pressure on us to bring on even more carnage this time?
HOST
Oh yea of little faith, have I ever let you down? Now, how are the players looking this year?
TWIST, is the fact they pick up not criminals, but somehow guilty people. Who been voted. I like how host says to remove first candidat, even though he been voted, as not to fall out of audience favor!
All these scenes with arrests, they are fine.
“Surveillance was not a start, it was the end!” I Like This Tremendously! ‘Control their hat, and you would control them!’ This is cool, though risky.
The way you introduce Alicia is quite fine. But one would question, would this bracelet really go off the wrist. But, that’s the story, so it must to.
Overall, very strong start. Good writing style! If this would be your original idea, and not resemblance of Hunger Games, you would be a winner. But who knows, maybe people want to see more variations of it. I would continue with writing in any case!
Regards
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Hey Dev,
I didn’t do any feedback for your screenplay prior, but I kept reading here and again.
I think it became better, more concise or up to the point. Placed sequentially also elucidates.
I only now get your choise of name for the hero. I.e., clay cayne. So, it’s like canine.
I don’t understand, how August Able, like Lincoln Able, speaks on White’s behalf? Is that a mistake, and Clay’s father had to do that?
Though it just about the church, and politics, it could be more provocative. I don’t know if it fits theme of your screenplay though. I mean, if this is just about almost ex retired politition, then what’s about it? From another side, Lincoln is much more likable figure. But, maybe, he has ambitions. Do you show how Lincoln, for example, also believes in his great destiny? That would somehow pinpoint him as also mistaken. I understand you are on black sides, though young white gets into President.
I liked the start of the screenplay, his monologue. But maybe that is still not enough? Maybe more rough stuff, akin ‘tools of a fool’ like stream, that is more like Clay’s character?
And, naturally, I won’t be competent to write all this political stuff! Nice slogans! Keep it up!
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Hello Again,
Cam, you are very sweet, really
I also find my ending vague
Tool you provided me with is most wonderful
It must fit, let’s see
1. Opening Image
Image, digital of Separation
2. Establishing the “Ordinary World”
This is on the planet called Miropolis
3. Your Theme is Stated
We hit techno society with planes, phones, and computers
4. Set Up for the Main Events of the Story
Detective story starts, aka Puzzle, we know, hero doesn’t. Hero’s girlfriend disappears
5. The Protagonist’s Call to Adventure
Hero attempts to find missing people
6. The Protagonist’s Denial of that Call
Hero has inner barriers and won’t sacrifice everything for the success of his search
7. Meeting with a Mentor
Hero attempts to persuade Director of their Research Institute to search the labs. Instead, he brushes by Anaupsh, who after he leaves, murders Director to destroy info on her lab work from his desktop
8. The Catalyst that Sets the Story in Motion
Alarm didn’t work, and its owner gets late, and falls into the trap. This gets noticed by another scientist, who has time to Separate, and is reported by antagonist to be ‘no good’ for their aim. Now we know Anaupsh traps people for some purpose.
Here goes a chain of set ups and pay offs, till we see, what is in her lab. That she constructs medusa-like towering monster from the body parts of her victims
9. The Protagonist’s final Debate as to whether to Accept the Call or Deny It.
Hero, Thanakh, tries to pull answer from his ropes, hoping that’s some shadow mechanism of secret services.
10. The Protagonist’s Acceptance of the Call
Thanakh relates everything to his journalist brother, and OTAK broadcasts that on tv.
11. Crossing the Border into the “Unfamiliar World”
Thanakh starts searching labs at Research Institute on his own accord, sometimes meeting opposition
12. The Protagonist goes through their first “Tests,” acquiring both Allies and Enemies. The “B-Plot“ is also introduced.
He gets contacted by secret service officer who attempts to uncover this mystery as well
13. The Protagonist Approaches the “Inner Cave”
Hero deciphers that’s must be at Development lab!
14. A Moment of Death and Rebirth
Hero suffers the same doom, and is gone
15. The Story Flips on its Head. What the story was about before has become something else.
At the scandalous process over Anaupsh, head of Development Lab, Judge, who is her brother and has no illusions about her personality, proposes filtration of human population.
From here Puzzle story turns into “how zones were created on planet Miropolis”
16. The Protagonist Receives a Bounty or Prize
Wrapping up. Judges Son. Hero’s journalist brother OTAK.
17. The “Bad Guys” Close In
Zones are created
18. All is Lost
Seventy years later
Destruction of second Archipelago in atomic war
19. Dark Night of the Soul
Civil war inside of Miropolis
20. The Protagonist Returns with “The Elixir.” The Bounty Comes into Play
There are zones, and those who are to be taken back to the world out of there, for example, LENA, girl, born in reservation. There she is met by WARD, who she falls in love with. He decides to bring her out of the zone. For this he needs to trick other residents so that they won’t screw it up.
21. Return to the “Ordinary World”
WARD gets killed. Paradise is gone, just harsh reality.
22. The Protagonist Executes Plan A
Spiritually guided by WARD, Lena runs away from zone, deceiving helicopter pilot.
23. A False Victory
Lena is picked up by top rank military and he becomes her partner
24. The Protagonist Falls into a Trap
Lena and Son of Main Commander get reported
25. The Antagonist’s Victory is at Hand
There are a lot of crimes alongside the story, aka civil war sitiation, many people falsely reported or are afraid of it, and many who deserve it and ain’t afraid
26. The Protagonist Goes Alone or Has a Last Ditch Effort
All the heroes go their ways, Lena and her lover keep together
27. The Protagonist Makes their Greatest Sacrifice
As a ward, Alatou saves a couple out of zone, which is impossible without using prohibited weapon. This way Alatou sacrifices himself, and is to become zone resident to the rest of his life.
28. The Final Battle
In the soul of Son of Main Commander. As a result, he Separates.
29. The Protagonist has a Self Revelation through either Winning the Prize or Losing the Prize
Lena cannot overcome loss of partner
30. Closing Image.
Life on Miropolis and zones do continue
I hope you enjoyed that, and it made story shine
Blessings
Alice
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Hello Cameron,
I just want to say how I see your story develops, getting details, exchanging. And developing new characters!…
I wish to exchange review with you, as you are very good about it, I’m just shy. I know I would benefit more from it. I don’t know what I can add to what you doing! That’s a huge endeavor already. Maybe just don’t over do it, with details of what is where, when he gets away from closet. From another side to be able to write all that is a lot! I just keep thinking of my mistakes I maybe did with my previous screenplay, but not with this one, definitely. If you would still read my post bellow, I wish you enjoy that.
I still think, how Christianity plays with all the horror stuff. Do you think of it? Or are worms just part of Creation? I wonder. Have rights to exist then, the way you imply. By the way, your ending really gets into terms! It’s just that I am not about horror movies, you know. But I like this stuff with Jude, and their dialogues. That’s not always clear, if you presuppose a comedy, like when he says to Isaiah “we still need to discuss your choises”, about keeping worm as a pet. Is it how I think to laugh over? Would you specify, what’s at background, for him as he saying that, and for audience, maybe using “add emotions”, I think it was Writing with Bolding class. The same for Marcus, when he shots Apollo. It’s not very clear, is he hypnotised, though he is consciously giving Apollo his hints, … is he afraid to be overheard, is he honest? But that’s doesn’t go that deep, I don’t think you really have consider that. Bigger problem is, it’s on the surface it’s personal, man and his kid… So often what you do is just getting out of mind pattern. Get slightly more objective, and you are fine. I hope I didn’t hurt you saying that. Good Luck! 🙂
Alice
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Hello Dana,
I like thrillers!
I keep reading it, thinking how it is pretty much mr. Shimalayan, or what he’s called, – like is.
Your writing is very good.
This ending is terrific. I can’t stop thinking that you started writing all this initially, having this ending in mind.
But can you really stop movie with such an end, when all the plot about villain is not revealed?
I see you try to pull more about it, toward Middle of the story. Maybe you will evolve it!
what I question is, if her girls experienced that, how could they know not there were a couple of people. They also had to see his face as a driver. That’s all not very clear.
I see you work hard on it. And maybe expecting sequel.
I just tell you my considerations. If you give something like a Split, would it be not too little of it? I mean, if they are just plain psychopaths, what about it? For example, if she would be followed prior and noticed that, that’s one thing.
Ryan also starts paying back for Jason, then apparently murders him cold-blooded, as expected. Does he considers him weakling? Or he removes him from jelousy, because Jason knew her as his psychologist?
Also, how come that he can pull so much information on Jason and aka, and nothing on Ryan? He must have records also!
Start talking about radio affairs stuff was good idea, as this adds to fabulae.
The way your script goes, there are many possibilities to add something.
What if to add some another woman psychologist, who would get similar attention from Ryan, like something pinned on the car, when she getting in, or what. And her surprise, miscomprehenssion, etc. I mean, add more to premiss, that would build up interest!
Good Luck!
Would you give feedback to me either? I don’t have many and would appreciate that. I write ski-fi. I don’t know, if that’s “your” genre.
Alice
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Hello, Matthew!
I don’t wanna say it, because that was apparent from upstart that it is derivation from Hunger Games.
I was enjoying what you write all the time. And find “political” placement in a game still a good find.
Maybe to add more psychology to the start of the script as well would be a good idea. So to say “plant” it here and there, side by side with the horror. Then audience would expect it and respond?
You changed it quite a lot as you go, that’s a gift! Not to loose original idea, bit expand it!
I wish you luck with all your writings!
Alice
If you have time, would you take a moment and review my ending? Thanks I advance. If not, maybe later. I myself not very excellent about that.
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Hello, Kate!
Can I comment a little?
I didn’t realised Darrough is going to shoot himself. That’s hitting point, removing a villain at the end, especially if he’s suffering and is having remorse. That’s gonna produce an effect though.
This looks like coming of age one.
I like Start and End thing. That’s good.
What I also like is that you write it in this light tone, simple quickly running dialogs. Maybe you might add a little bit more weight to where Nia is talking about her illusion.
I like name choises either.
What bothers me is, won’t Darrough suspect something is wrong, if there were unsuccessful trials prior? I’m sure you added these couple of trials to fill the space, because middles often “flattens” and lugs. Don’t make that mistake. I advise you to simplify it, and not to overload it with more plot schemes. Keep it in style. Instead, add some more weight on emotion in dialogue.
Playing a Hamlet-like scene to imply exposure is a good finding!
Also what you write about the land and province stuff is for me unfamiliar, but I take it, you know about it.
Otherwise, without additional scheme in the middle, you need to waterproof yourself, go via script, consider if you think a weakpoint, and exchange that.
It’s an enjoyable read. Maybe you might even exchange the end for a comedy stuff, like Darrough completely exchanging, and they all play family. I know you won’t do it, and that is a tragedy prior in the story that won’t let it. Just thoughts aloud, what it evokes, desire for things go better.
You can pay me back, and say a couple of words about my ending also.
Regards
Alice
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Hello, June!
I sure use no Google translate. Alas! I’m happy you told me. I can’t see if this is hard to read, as I’m not native. I’ve been repeatedly told how this must be checked by those who do speak English. Definitely, this is undone, and must be expanded or shortened at places. I’m happy you find my actions planning excel, that’s a proof was good choice! 🙂
Alice
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Hello June, may I comment
This looks fast paced, no delay
I am constantly get amazed at what you do with the language
And you obviously have it about Vietnam
It starts looking as rather well Dramatic Comedy.
I noticed it from the flower bed plucking scene!
You might pay me back and shed a couple of words about my writ bellow if you like
CHEERS!
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Hey
Anna, they tell never action in parenthesis, even what kind of voice
I noticed, you changed the scene with more emotions
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Hello Matthew,
I don’t know how you changed. This resembles Hunger Games though. I guess, this is some moment when they can rest out of being on a camera. I’m not sure, but this is a bit too stretchy. I am writing very shot dialogs, and I noticed, I can make a decent scene, if I shotten dialogs putting sentences from here and then together.
From another side, maybe it’s good to building up emotion. I would wait, and then see the whole thing, and if you dissatisfied with it being not enough dramatic, would go and make dialogs dencer. At this moment, this is a bit explanatory.
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Yeah, why not
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Hello Anita,
Thank you for your kind review
I guess, this is drama tending into realistic side, is a ski-fi, with elements of detective and horror
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Hello! Robert, you’ve got so many talking head scene in here. You must remake them. Get rid of unfinished sentences, sentences generic, like but.. etc. Like ‘I wanted to know if’ Because your ending is so cool! It’s like you giving all this long, made up dialog (not real) I don’t know where you remade it,… and this is for the sake of this ending. Your concept might be very strong, you don’t have to pretend it. I’ve got same mistakes absolutely. Just don’t blame me for saying it.
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Hello Cameron,
You feedback was most helpful
I’m using word separable from now on, if so, as it is not a time for a slang, this being one word only.
This concept I carry for a decade,
Two protagonists is like nothing to me, in my first scenario (this is second) I never came out with one protagonist.
In reality, this very simple, it’s linear, they just intersnap, as main Protagonist gets gone.
I understand what you saying, but in this case, world is changed by protagonist,
I agree with you about main conflict and dramatic question that they must be personal, but maybe there are a cople, like plots. Like one for the whole thing, one for Hero’s story
Variant 3
Structure:
1. Opening
Representation (Visuals) of how SEPARATION (an artificial nano death, insinuated by signal from human brain of the bearer, whereas face and chest are separated symmetrically by vertical line), works. Inside perspective. Life stream as if moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
2. Inciting Incident
Protagonist returns from weekend spent offshore, and receives phone call from Director of Research Institute with urgent assignment. As he works on it, he encounters erased file that is exactly report for Anaupsh’s lab.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
This is going to be on the ground of Research Institute, where Anaupsh massacres its workers. But that’s also at another planet, named MIROPOLIS, and has to do with advanced science and discrimination of castes.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
His girlfriend is missing amid lab personnel. “ Where is Kiat?”
5. Mid-Point
Journalist brother of Protagonist streams confusing news to illustrate the case of people missing on the ground of Research Institute.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Protagonist gets contacted by secret service officer.
7. Crisis
Protagonist gets massacred. Officers who contacted him shot.
8. Climax
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium and lets monsters, created by her in a lab out, to float up to the sky. Aerial dispatch destroys it.
9. Resolution
Scandalous process. Judge gives a speech and separates right at the court.
Upstart with residences for outcastes.
Part 2
Concept:
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
Lead Characters:
LENA, girl born inside of restricted reservation who runaways from it
WARD, who picks up at Le-na to liberate her
Son of Main Commander, top military who picks up Le-na outside and falls in love with her
Plot/Structure: (Tell us the Plot number and type. Then give us the 9 beats of your structure.)
For Le-na inside of Reservation only: 5. Escape
For Le-na and Son of Commander: 9. Underdog
For Le-na via all the story: 13. Maturation
Structure:
1. Opening
Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
2. Inciting Incident
Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
MIROPOLIS seventy years after they started with zones.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
Ward meets Le-na .
5. Mid-Point
He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Ward is shot down.
7. Crisis
Le-na burns her stepmother who came back to kill her with acid from the barrel.
8. Climax
Le-na deposits report, fights her way via girl, picks up a gun, and deceives helicopter pilot.
9. Resolution
Le-na is picked up by high rang military.
ESCAPE story (above) as OPENING SCENE for Lena Outside of Reservation
(Lena Outside of Reservation, as a RESOLUTION to Escape story)
2. Inciting Incident: Lena tries to pull up his shirt, to check, if he is “marked” as maybe all special people from outside.
3. By “page 10”, you know, what the movies is about: it is now about Lena and Son of Main Commander evolving relationship
4. First Turning Point: They get intimate (Hotel #1)
5. Midpoint: His blackout.
6. Second Turning Point: Lena appears to be pregnant.
7. Crisis: They again are exposed ( military come, as he is military), (Hotel#2, amid crowd)
8. Culmination: They discover dead body of ten years old daughter of hotel owner.
9. Resolution: They are in the room again. Woman across the street shoots another tenant. Absurd.
10 (9) RESOLUTION for the Part 2: Their young military friend gets matured, and gets sentenced as a ward who used weapon inside of habitation on civil ones. Son of Main Commander SEPARATES.
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I’ m happy you see it this way, as I wasn’t sure, as I discuss no Turning Point, and things like that. Still, I love your story
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Hello Cameron,
As I said I like it. Such setting gives you a lot of possibilities, but is also a question, if they are only programs, how do they exist, and where machines come from? This makes it a little bit like Matrix. Your main story idea is Janus versus Adam. that’s why you write it. Initial scene where she saves kid feels a little bit offshore, like pretext. Maybe make it worse, make it stronger, like for example, Janus knowing someone would be destroyed when they create a Copy. And only then exchanges and starts feeling guilt, for example, when she meets Calvex. This would elevate it. For example, he sacrifices himself for her sake, then she starts feeling different, like more human. Also, if creator is named Adam, how much of human he has? Human like us, humans. Does he poses flows or tendencies, because if he is just God in clouds, how can she defeat him? So, if it is that Hell wins, the battle of forces, low and top, is won by hell, and they go exploring the world, this world, is it similar in terms of hosts possessing machines, or is it just common world like we know, and ain’t (won’t be) they just intruders into this paradise, posessing, like viruses, naive ignorant dwellers, even if without bad intention? Then, Adam’s role would turn into [Adam was protecting outside world from possible possesions]? Also, when Copy is created, they must identical, but as they have different experience after, Janus changes, Copy goes also its way, then when merge, do they create third version, or who elevates to another, and maybe there is a moment before merging, when we can’t recognize in between of them, who is who. I hope, it’s ok what I write to you, it is just a thought. I just think maybe, if you reverse good and evil a couple of times throughout the story, like Janus is cruel first, then wish to liberate those in hell, even sacrifices, and when they win, it appears, they are just heading to invade it, and Adam was protector. I know it’s contrary to what you saying. But, if they just heading to Paradise, then what’s the difference, if there just other buildings? Or, if they become eternal, what for good and evil stuff? And why then they been restricted to hell? You can also go other way, and concentrate on visuals, rather then moral, it might lead you to more insights, maybe, unexpected. Also, maybe she would meet Calvex a couple of times before he saves her, not a single encounter, like with kid she saves. Also, if she merges with Copy, then if she won’t, she as a copy would’ve survive, so it’s a huge sucrifice, it’s dramatic. You might also fill ir, as you want it, with a lot of stilisation, like words, terms, or saying from Romans, or Judaic, that might be fun.
Thank you, I enjoyed reviewing. Hope it might bring you to next insights, or else better awareness of how your story is perceived!
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Hello. Sure, I wish. I enjoy your posts, Cameron. Besides it’ s ski-fi.
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Hi Art. I’m Alice. I like movies with hidden part in them, like your story. Maybe we might exchange.
I think, maybe it’s better if main hero would be called Jennifer, and her friend psychologist Mattie? Is woman in her dreams different from her, I guess, or she won’t contact him. It is obvious that story has to repeat itself, but with different outcome? Does she defeats him with her wit, been educated, and would her friend play part again?
And would she find gold? It’s interesting. And then what her adversary would do, unless he’s already in chains?
I pretty much like detective stories. I don’t mind to partner with a number of people for feedback.
Thanks
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Hi Sylvia,
I also have sci-fi, though more realistic. We could exchange for feedback still, if you wish.
I do the same, I put a lot of everything into story. Is this just how it ends, she finds who betrayed her, or it continues?
Isn’t fifteen too young for a hero? Won’t it be better if she would be 21?
How does she fights them and how survives when defeated?
When they gamble, who they lost territory to?
Does she uncover a secret, and what follows?
Thank ypu, story is nice still, though dramatic.
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Hello Johnny! I’m Alice, from US. North of Boston, and that is an artists land. Would you like to pair with me, as I also have only one screenplay in my hands? Sci-fi apocalyptic anti utopia. If you like a genre. I posted plot in day first forums, you might decide if you want that.
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J. Alice Eden
I will do my work privately, as I work on it for a decade.
I agree with 1. and 2. of confidentiality agreement of the document bellow.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.