Althea McPhail
Forum Replies Created
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Althea’s Elevated Ending Day 15
What I learned from this assignment is that the ending should be a culmination of all of the previous setups with resolutions that satisfy the viewer and clearly express the story meaning.
Bobbie, a Tae Kwon Do black belt and plant loving middle schooler is at odds with her widowed neurosurgeon and best selling author father Robert, who treats her like a little girl. Upset after one of their arguments, Bobbie cries and her tears bring a quirky, truth-telling sunflower to life. Bobbie’s godmother Pam is insistent on helping Robert find his next love and has been setting Robert up on dates. Bobbie’s nemesis Monaglenn has just joined her church and is a mean girl to Bobbie and Dee. Pam has included Monaglenn’s mother as a potential match.
Against the advice of the talking plant and her best friend Dee, Bobbie secretly creates a dating profile for her father, on a popular dating app and arranges dates, believing that she must keep her father away from Monaglenn’s mother and that a new love will keep her father’s attention and give her more independence.
Kendrick’s party and Robert’s local book signing are on the same night. Bobbie invites the dates to come to Robert’s book signing through the dating app. They all believe that the invitation is from Robert. Bobbie is grounded for fighting at church but goes to Kendrick’s party anyway. She dances and kisses Kendrick. With help from Marvin, her father’s assistant, she comes to the aid of an inebriated and homesick Monaglenn. After making sure Monaglenn gets home safely, Marvin and Bobbie go to Robert’s book signing.
INT HOTEL BOOK SIGNING – NIGHT
Bobbie walks in on an out and out brawl between the app dates. Some attendees are trying to stop the fight. Others film the commotion. Bobbie realizes that she is the creator of all the chaos, makes a public apology to everyone. As soon as she finishes there is an emergency call to her father and Adira from the hospital.
INT HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
Robert meets Adira as he delivers her father’s medical report. Her father has had a stroke but will be fine and comments on what a nice couple the two of them make.
FLASHBACK TO SCENE
Adira shares good news about The One app making the national morning news shows. Robert and Adira both remember meeting each other previously.
INT GLADDEN HOME KITCHEN – NIGHT
Bobbie apologizes to Robert and shares about Al who is now dead and shedding seeds and leaves on the table. Robert tells Bobbie that her mother could hear plants too, commends her maturity in telling the truth and agrees to have open communication and accept that she is a young woman and growing up. Ends with hugs.
INT CHURCH YOUTH SUNDAY SCHOOL – DAY
Class practices sowing positive seed with their tongues. Monaglenn apologizes.
INT CHURCH WORSHIP AREA – DAY
MONTAGE OF SHOTS
Bobbie, Kendrick, Dee, Monaglenn and crew sit on the same row
Grandma Net sits with Adira’s father. Robert sits with Adira.INT CHURCH PASTOR’S OFFICE- DAY
DeVonte’ is in serious conversation with the Pastor.
EXT PARK – DAY
Kendrick and Bobbie play at the park. Unseen, Evie and fully restored Al watch over them.
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Althea’s Most Memorable Lines
I learned that focusing on the meaning and emotion of the lines gives direction for elevating the dialogue.
EXT. PARK- DAY
Bobbie sits on a blanket. Kendrick walks up and Bobbie goes to him. Observing this, unseen to the picnickers, is Evie, smiling and holding Aloysius restored to his full bloom appearance.
GM NET (V.O.)
Well, I’m back! As far as stand up, I’m still in testing mode but I got a standing ovation the last time. Hard to do better than that. Since the last time I was here, I’ve been in contact with people I agreed to pray for and believe in. They have been taking their next steps and we have been seeing answers to prayer. We need each other. Remember, together we make miracles happen.
FADE TO BLACK.
Meaning/emotion:
We need each other and depend on each other for love and support.
EXT. PARK- DAY
Bobbie sits on a blanket. Kendrick walks up and Bobbie goes to him. Observing this, unseen to the picnickers, is Evie, smiling and holding Aloysius restored to his full bloom appearance.
GM NET (V.O.)
I’m here again and still feel like I’m in testing mode but I got a standing ovation the last time so here goes. Since the last time I was here, my boss might have found his next love, my sweet girl, Bobbie, has matured overnight and I might have found someone able to keep up with me. I’m praying for and believing in a whole list of people. We are seeing prayers answered everyday. It’s the power of environment. Remember, we need each other because together we make miracles happen.
FADE TO BLACK
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Althea’s unique character study.
I learned that taking each character, reviewing their traits and focusing on only their dialogue
gives opportunity for that character to take on more depth.
Character Name: Robert Gladden, MD
Role: Father of Bobbie, Physician, Best selling Author
Core Character Traits:
– Charming
– Hovering parent
– Short fuse
– Workaholic
Character Subtext Logline: Robert feels a disconnect between him and his daughter since the passing of his wife 2 years ago that causes him to hold on too tightly.
Flaws: Confident bordering on arrogance.
Doubts that he can make a real connection with Bobbie.
Life Metaphor/identity: I can understand the mysteries of the brain but can’t have a meaningful relationship with my daughter.
Want: Better relationship with Bobbie Need: Love, Faith
Character Arc: Goes from unsure around Bobbie to more hopeful about their relationship.
_______________________ End of Character Profile ____________________________
INT. BOOK SIGNING EVENT SPACE – NIGHT
The book signing area is deserted. Everything is packed up. Robert sits alone and goes through his email on his phone. A picture of an African American woman late 30s-early 40s, PAM comes up on his phone.
The text says “This one has a great personality,loves kids” with a “smilie face emoji.” Robert looks annoyed and puts his phone away.
ROBERT
Never again. Thanks, but no thanks.
Melvin comes in with a cart and packs up all the book signing material. Robert helps.
MELVIN
Never again? Sorry Dr. Gladden. There are three more signings just here in Metro-Atlanta. From my count, you have at least twelve more to go, that’s if they don’t add more. You know how popular you are. You should count on some events being added.
ROBERT
Not that. You know I’m in my element at a book signing.
MELVIN
Dr. Gladden.
ROBERT
Yes?
MELVIN
How’s Bobbie doing?
ROBERT
What do you mean, how’s Bobbie doing? What have you heard?
She’s good, I think. Really, I don’t know.
MELVIN
If there is anything I can do to help you and Bobbie, just let me know.
ROBERT
I appreciate that Melvin. Yeah, maybe you could come by and talk to her, make sure she’s okay. She likes you.
MELVIN
What’s not to like?
ROBERT
I don’t want her to grow up too fast. I want to be there for her.
MELVIN
Of course Dr. G.
ROBERT
I know Bobbie needs her space. She’s growing up. She’s smart and responsible. We did a great job raising her.
MELVIN
All that’s true.
ROBERT
I mentioned to Pam that I thought that I might be ready to start dating again.
MELVIN
Uh Oh!
ROBERT
Uh Oh is right.
FLASHBACK:
Robert and FLASHBACK DATE (late 30’s early 40’s any race) sit at a restaurant table. Food with bread sticks are on the table. Flashback date is crying uncontrollably. Robert is uncomfortable and tries to get the SERVER’s attention. Meanwhile, Flashback date, while still crying, is slowly wrapping bread sticks and putting them in her purse.
ROBERT
Pam means well but if that date is any indication of how things will be, I quit now.
MELVIN
Isn’t there something about kissing frogs?
ROBERT
I was thinking that me having someone might be good for Bobbie too. We have Grandma Net and Pam so she has women in her life she can go to. I’m just afraid I might lose her. That just can’t happen.
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ALTHEA’S DRAMATIC SCENE TRANSITIONS
I learned that focusing on each individual transition gives additional opportunities to elevate the scenes.
BEFORE
EVIE (CONT’D)
I think my poet soul is saying MY love spot needs some exercise right now.
Evie pushes him back on the bed. She hikes her dress and climbs atop him
ROBERT
We’ll be late.
EVIE
They can wait for the Guest of Honor.
Evie kisses him.
INT. GLADDEN HOME ROBERT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Robert sits on the bed, head in his hands.
AFTER
VISUAL TRANSITION
EVIE (CONT’D)
I think my poet soul is saying MY love spot needs some exercise right now.
Evie pushes him back on the bed. She hikes her dress and climbs atop him
ROBERT
We’ll be late.
EVIE
They can wait for the Guest of Honor.
Evie kisses him.
MATCH TO:
INT. GLADDEN HOME ROBERT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Robert is lying on the bed in the same position as in the flashback.
BEFORE
Back stage Melvin receives a call. Caller ID says Bobbie.
BOBBIE
(panicked)
I need you to come get me now; me and a girl I know. Don’t ask questions. I’ll explain when you get here.
INT. MELVIN’S CAR – NIGHT
Melvin drives, Bobbie is in the passenger seat. They ride down a city street.
BOBBIE
Thanks for helping me with MonaGlenn. Thanks for having my back.
AFTER
SUBTEXT TRANSITION
Back stage Melvin receives a call. Caller ID says Bobbie.
INT. MELVIN’S CAR – NIGHT
Melvin drives, Bobbie is in the passenger seat. They ride down a city street.
BOBBIE
Thanks for helping me with MonaGlenn. Thanks for having my back.
BEFORE
BOBBIE
Okay.
Bobbie sits back down pulls out her phone and FACETIMES Dee.
INT. EVENT SPACE -NIGHT
Several people are seated in the audience. GM Net is seated beside Adira. Dates #1-3, Pam and Marcus are present among a full crowd of others, Dates #1-3 try to get Robert’s attention. They notice each other and give each other predatory looks. At the front of the room, Robert sits at a table on the stage. On the table are stacks of his book. Upbeat jazzy music plays. Marvin goes on stage and stands in front of the table.
VISUAL TRANSITION AGAIN
AFTER
BOBBIE
Okay.
Bobbie sits back down pulls out her phone and FACETIMES Dee.
MATCH TO:
INT. EVENT SPACE -NIGHT
Date #2’s phone taking a selfie with life-sized cardboard form of Robert. Several people are seated in the audience. GM Net is seated beside Adira. Dates #1-3, Pam and Marcus are present among a full crowd of others, Dates #1-3 try to get Robert’s attention. They notice each other and give each other predatory looks. At the front of the room, Robert sits at a table on the stage. On the table are stacks of his books. Upbeat jazzy music plays. Marvin goes on stage and stands in front of the table.
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Althea’s Elevated Scene Structure
ELEVATED SCENE STRUCTURE
What I learned from this assignment is using any of the scene structure components adds additional layers (interest) to the scenes.
Title : GOOD SOIL
LOGLINE: Missing her deceased mother and desperate to grow up, a plant-loving middle schooler secretly plays matchmaker for her widowed father, using a popular dating app, against the advice of a talking plant,
INT. RESTAURANT-DAY
Intimate setting with midday brunch crowd. Wait staff navigates through the tables, serving a dull crowd. Soft jazz music plays in the background. ADIRA, (late 30’s early 40’s) a classically beautiful brown young woman, obviously accustom to the finer things of life and MARCUS, a handsome young man who is checking to see who is seeing him, sit together at a table. They hold menus.
ADIRA
I love this place! I’ve never regretted anything I’ve had here. I am going to try something new to go along with my new project.
Marcus puts down the menu.
MARCUS
Hey, hand me your mirror.
Adira hands a mirror to Marcus from her purse. She looks hopefully at Marcus. Marcus ignores her. He looks at himself from all angles. In the mirror, he catches the eye of a young woman at another table. Adira notices this and waves her menu in his face to get his attention.
ADIRA
What are you doing? You are here celebrating with me!
MARCUS
You can’t blame me for appreciating all the beauty around me. You talk about living in the moment.
He continues to eye the woman at the other table.
MARCUS
I’m definitely in a moment.
ADIRA
Marcus, I’m not doing this with you. That’s so disrespectful and if you think I’d be okay with that, you don’t know me at all.
Marcus hands the mirror back to Adira and looks her squarely and intimidatingly in the eye.
MARCUS
I’ve been with you over 6 months, I know you. This new dating app, like all your other so called “great ideas” won’t materialize into anything useful. You are so sure this is going to hit that you’ve decided to focus only on this project.
Adira is shocked and sits staring at Marcus who’s voice is gradually getting louder and louder. The others in the restaurant are watching them.
MARCUS (CONT’D)
I know you’ll loose interest in about a month and we’ll be in some other restaurant doing this all over again! You know, you only have “success” because your Daddy is rich. Anyone who worked with you just wanted to get to your Dad. Thought it was you? Huh?
(Marcus looks at her with pity)
ADIRA
Are you one of those who just wants to get to Daddy, Marcus?
Marcus is silent, confirming the answer. Adira stands up abruptly and gathers her things.
ADIRA (CONT’D)
You may be right about me having a lot of new projects but that’s God’s blessing. I don’t need you to dream with me or believe in my vision. God gave it to me.
She turns and begins to walk away and then turns back to face him.
ADIRA (CONT’D)
You were decent company. Wish you all the best.
Marcus watches Adira leave and then turns his chair around and pulls up to the table of the woman he was eyeing in the mirror.
Components of Scene:
Adira and Marcus are celebrating Adira’s new dating app with lunch.
Marcus has no faith in Adira’s new venture and reveals he’d only been interested in Adira as a way to try to get to her wealthy father.
Adira is determined to maintain her cool and leaves the lunch, head held high.What I’m trying to accomplish:
Introduce Adira as a privileged serial entrepreneur, a little too trusting but now with additional fuel to make this current project (dating app) a success.
Marcus as opportunist and self-serving.
MISINTERPRETATION
INT. RESTAURANT-DAY
Intimate setting with midday brunch crowd. Wait staff navigates through the tables, serving a dull crowd. Soft jazz music plays in the background. ADIRA, (late 30’s early 40’s) a classically beautiful brown young woman, obviously accustom to the finer things of life and MARCUS, a handsome young man who is checking to see who is seeing him, sit together at a table. They hold menus.
ADIRA
I love this place! I’ve never regretted anything I’ve had here. I am going to try something new to go along with my new project.
Marcus puts down the menu.
MARCUS
Hey, hand me your mirror.
Adira hands a mirror to Marcus from her purse. She looks hopefully at Marcus. Marcus ignores her. He looks at himself from all angles. In the mirror, he catches a glimpse of a Bentley Flying Spur parked outside on the curb. Adria thinks he is looking at a young woman at another table. She waves her menu in his face to get his attention.
ADIRA
What are you doing? You are here celebrating with me!
MARCUS
You can’t blame me for appreciating all the beauty around me. You talk about living in the moment.
He continues to eye the car through the mirror.
MARCUS
I’m definitely having a moment.
ADIRA
Marcus, I’m not doing this with you. That’s so disrespectful and if you think I’d be okay with that, you don’t know me at all.
Marcus hands the mirror back to Adira and looks her squarely and intimidatingly in the eye.
MARCUS
I’ve been with you over 6 months, I know you. This new dating app, like all your other so called “great ideas” won’t materialize into anything useful. You are so sure this is going to hit that you’ve decided to focus only on this project.
Adira is shocked and sits staring at Marcus who’s voice is gradually getting louder and louder. The others in the restaurant are watching them.
MARCUS (CONT’D)
I know you’ll loose interest in about a month and we’ll be in some other restaurant doing this all over again! You know, you only have “success” because your Daddy is rich. Anyone who worked with you just wanted to get to your Dad. Thought it was you? Huh?
(Marcus looks at her with pity)
ADIRA
Are you one of those who just wants to get to Daddy, Marcus?
Marcus is silent, confirming the answer. Adira stands up abruptly and gathers her things.
ADIRA (CONT’D)
You may be right about me having a lot of new projects but that’s God’s blessing. I don’t need you to dream with me or believe in my vision. God gave it to me.
She turns and begins to walk away and then turns back to face him.
ADIRA (CONT’D)
You were decent company. Wish you all the best.
Marcus watches Adira leave. He shrugs his shoulders and pulls up to the table and begins to eat.
SUPERIOR POSITION
INT. RESTAURANT-DAY
Intimate setting with midday brunch crowd. Wait staff navigates through the tables, serving a dull crowd. Soft jazz music plays in the background. ADIRA, (late 30’s early 40’s) a classically beautiful brown young woman, obviously accustom to the finer things of life sits at a table.
INT. RESTAURANT- JUST OUTSIDE DOOR – DAY
MARCUS, a handsome young man who is checking to see who is seeing him, stands with a YOUNG WOMAN, 20’s any race. They are obviously taken with each other. They kiss. Young woman comes in and is seated at the table beside Adira. Marcus comes in after Young woman has been seated. They do not acknowledge each other.
ADIRA
I love this place! I’ve never regretted anything I’ve had here. I am going to try something new to go along with my new project.
Marcus puts down the menu.
MARCUS
Hey, hand me your mirror.
Adira hands a mirror to Marcus from her purse. She looks hopefully at Marcus. Marcus ignores her. He looks at himself from all angles. In the mirror, he catches the eye of Young woman. Adira notices this and waves her menu in his face to get his attention.
ADIRA
What are you doing? You are here celebrating with me!
MARCUS
You can’t blame me for appreciating all the beauty around me. You talk about living in the moment.
He continues to eye the woman at the other table.
MARCUS
I’m definitely in a moment.
ADIRA
Marcus, I’m not doing this with you. That’s so disrespectful and if you think I’d be okay with that, you don’t know me at all.
Marcus hands the mirror back to Adira and looks her squarely and intimidatingly in the eye.
MARCUS
I’ve been with you over 6 months, I know you. This new dating app, like all your other so called “great ideas” won’t materialize into anything useful. You are so sure this is going to hit that you’ve decided to focus only on this project.
Adira is shocked and sits staring at Marcus who’s voice is gradually getting louder and louder. The others in the restaurant are watching them.
MARCUS (CONT’D)
I know you’ll loose interest in about a month and we’ll be in some other restaurant doing this all over again! You know, you only have “success” because your Daddy is rich. Anyone who worked with you just wanted to get to your Dad. Thought it was you? Huh?
(Marcus looks at her with pity)
ADIRA
Are you one of those who just wants to get to Daddy, Marcus?
Marcus is silent, confirming the answer. Adira stands up abruptly and gathers her things.
ADIRA (CONT’D)
You may be right about me having a lot of new projects but that’s God’s blessing. I don’t need you to dream with me or believe in my vision. God gave it to me.
She turns and begins to walk away and then turns back to face him.
ADIRA (CONT’D)
You were decent company. Wish you all the best.
Marcus watches Adira leave and then turns his chair around and pulls up to the table of the woman he was eyeing in the mirror.
SUPRISE:
INT. RESTAURANT-DAY
Intimate setting with midday brunch crowd. Wait staff navigates through the tables, serving a dull crowd. Soft jazz music plays in the background. ADIRA, (late 30’s early 40’s) a classically beautiful brown young woman, obviously accustom to the finer things of life sits at a table.
INT. RESTAURANT- JUST OUTSIDE DOOR – DAY
MARCUS, a handsome young man who is checking to see who is seeing him, stands with a YOUNG WOMAN, 20’s any race. They are obviously taken with each other. They kiss. Young woman comes in and is seated at the table beside Adira. Marcus comes in after Young woman has been seated. They do not acknowledge each other.
ADIRA
I love this place! I’ve never regretted anything I’ve had here. I am going to try something new to go along with my new project.
Marcus puts down the menu.
MARCUS
Hey, hand me your mirror.
Adira hands a mirror to Marcus from her purse. She looks hopefully at Marcus. Marcus ignores her. He looks at himself from all angles. In the mirror, he catches the eye of Young woman. Adira notices this and waves her menu in his face to get his attention.
ADIRA
What are you doing? You are here celebrating with me!
MARCUS
You can’t blame me for appreciating all the beauty around me. You talk about living in the moment.
He continues to eye the woman at the other table.
MARCUS
I’m definitely in a moment.
ADIRA
Marcus, I’m not doing this with you. That’s so disrespectful and if you think I’d be okay with that, you don’t know me at all.
Marcus hands the mirror back to Adira and looks her squarely and intimidatingly in the eye.
MARCUS
I’ve been with you over 6 months, I know you. This new dating app, like all your other so called “great ideas” won’t materialize into anything useful. You are so sure this is going to hit that you’ve decided to focus only on this project.
Adira is shocked and sits staring at Marcus who’s voice is gradually getting louder and louder. The others in the restaurant are watching them.
MARCUS (CONT’D)
I know you’ll loose interest in about a month and we’ll be in some other restaurant doing this all over again! You know, you only have “success” because your Daddy is rich. Anyone who worked with you just wanted to get to your Dad. Thought it was you? Huh?
(Marcus looks at her with pity)
ADIRA
Are you one of those who just wants to get to Daddy, Marcus?
Marcus is silent, confirming the answer. Adira stands up abruptly and gathers her things.
ADIRA (CONT’D)
You may be right about me having a lot of new projects but that’s God’s blessing. I don’t need you to dream with me or believe in my vision. God gave it to me.
She turns and begins to walk away and then turns back and goes over to Young woman
.
ADIRA (CONT’D)
He’s decent company but ask yourself, if he was cheating with me, how long before he’s cheating on me.
Marcus watches Adira leave and then turns his chair around and pulls up to the table of Young woman.
MARCUS
Don’t listen to her Baby. She’s just a spoiled Daddy’s girl.
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DAY 10 SCENE REWRITE
Althea’s meaningful action scene rewrite
What I learned from this assignment is that adding meaningful action to a scene will elevate the scene.
Logline: LOGLINE: Missing her deceased mother and desperate to grow up, a plant-loving middle schooler secretly plays matchmaker for her Father, using a popular dating app.
ORIGINAL SCENE
INT. CHURCH CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Robert is perusing the book shelves. He is lost in thought. PASTOR JOHNSON, mid 40’s Black male, dressed in a robe, walks into the room takes off the robe and flops down in a chair.
PASTOR JOHNSON
Man, that stuff never gets old! You hear that engagement? Did you see them on their feet when I brought it home?
Robert continues to stare ahead.
PASTOR JOHNSON (CONT’D)
(sarcastically)
I sure did Pastor. You were in rare form, in fact, I think that’s the best I’ve seen you do. Definitely a fresh anointing!
Why, thank you brother. I did feel inspired. Okay, now Bob, that is enough.
ROBERT
Huh? I’m sorry. Yeah man! That was great.
PASTOR JOHNSON
You’re right about it but that’s not why you insisted on talking today. What’s going on that couldn’t wait till Thursday morning for our monthly breakfast?
ROBERT
It’s Bobbie.
Pastor Johnson sits bolt upright in his chair.
PASTOR JOHNSON
(with growing alarm)
What is it? I just saw her with Dee. She looked fine.
ROBERT
No, she is fine. I mean, she spends all her time with those plants, talking, singing and raping.
Pastor Johnson relaxes.
PASTOR JOHNSON
A lot of people talk and sing to plants. I didn’t know she could rap.
ROBERT
She can’t.
PASTOR JOHNSON
You mean, “She can’t yet.”
Robert begins to pace around the room.
ROBERT
Bobbie is growing up. I don’t know anything about little girls growing up.
PASTOR JOHNSON
Listen, I’ve known you for a long time.
ROBERT
You have.
PASTOR JOHNSON
You can handle a girl growing up! Tell me what’s really up.
ROBERT
We’re Frat and I respect you as my Pastor. I’m struggling. I just miss Evie so much!
Robert fights back his emotions.
PASTOR JOHNSON
I know you do. What’s it been, a little over 2 years?
ROBERT
Two years, 3 months and 6 days since that man killed my wife; all for a text message.
Pastor Johnson is quiet for a moment.
PASTOR JOHNSON
Bobbie is an awesome girl. You two can help each other. But maybe its time to consider how much value the right person can add to your family.
ROBERT
Add value? What is this, my life or a corporate position?
PASTOR JOHNSON
You know what I mean. Trust God and He will show you what to do.
ROBERT
Since you brought it up…I’m struggling with that. Tell me, what is loving about a God who would take my wife away from me and her daughter.
PASTOR JOHNSON
You know God didn’t take Evie. It’s the thief who kills.
ROBERT
He didn’t stop it and He could have. Why would I trust and want to follow anyone who would do that to me? Does God really have my back?
Pastor Johnson looks sympathetic.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
Fourteen years of marriage, our daughter blossoming, Evie’s career established and then full stop, she’s dead.
PASTOR JOHNSON
I know its hard. You’ve got to change the way you’re thinking.
ROBERT
I’ve got to change the way I’m thinking? How ‘bout God doesn’t ALLOW Evie to die? What about God supplying all your needs? I need Evie!
Robert flops down in a chair.
PASTOR JOHNSON
I feel you man. I don’t understand it all, but your focus is off.
Pastor Johnson places a hand on Robert’s shoulder.
PASTOR JOHNSON(CONT’D)
Look at what you have, Bobbie.
ROBERT
It was Evie who made it easy for me. I didn’t realize how much I depended on her till I tried to talk to Bobbie about Evie’s death. It was like I was talking to a stranger. Since Evie’s been gone, there is something missing behind her eyes. I don’t know how to reach her.
PASTOR JOHNSON
I know losing Evie has been hard on everyone, but I’ve seen you work a room. You always connect. I’m sure you’re being too hard on yourself.
ROBERT
No, this IS a thing. Bobbie and I are not connecting! I need Evie to tell me what to do! I can’t loose Bobbie too!
Robert puts his head down in his hands. Pastor Johnson sits quietly for a moment.
PASTOR JOHNSON
Tell me something that is true about the situation.
ROBERT
I need answers not to play games!
PASTOR JOHNSON
Humor me, please.
Robert thinks for a moment.
ROBERT
I love Bobbie and want to give her all the experiences that will guide her to becoming a happy fulfilled person.
PASTOR JOHNSON
That’s every good parent’s dream. When God gives you an opportunity, remind Bobbie that she is not alone. Practice being present when you are with her. You love her, she loves you. It will work out.
ROBERT
So you say.
PASTOR JOHNSON
So I KNOW, We’ve been promised. Romans 8:28 says “And we know that all things work together for good to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
</p><p>REVISIED SCENE:</p><p>INT. CHURCH CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY</p><p>Robert sits at a conference room table. On the table is a large Bible open to a Ephesians 6. Robert is going through his phone. We see articles “How to be the Cool Dad without Ruining Your Kid”, “ The Secret Life of a Teenager”, “Talking to Your Teenager”, A book title comes up, Raising Godly Teens in Today’s Ungodly World. He chooses the book link and hurriedly scrolls through the book. PASTOR JOHNSON, 40’s Black male, comfortable with himself and with the pastoral role, enters the room, wearing a giant smile. He takes a twirl and flops down into a chair.</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>Man, that stuff never gets old! You hear that engagement? Did you see them on their feet when I brought it home? </p><p>He looks to the ceiling and points his two index fingers at God. Robert continues to read from his phone.</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON (CONT’D)</p><p>(sarcastically)</p><p>I sure did Pastor. You were in rare form, in fact, I think that’s the best I’ve seen you do. Definitely a fresh anointing!</p><p>Beat</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON (CONT’D) (CONT’D)</p><p>Why, thank you brother. I did feel inspired. Okay, now Bob, that is enough.</p><p>ROBERT</p><p>Huh? I’m sorry. Yeah man. That was great. </p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>You’re right about it but that’s not why you insisted on talking today. What’s going on that couldn’t wait till Thursday morning for our monthly breakfast?</p><p>ROBERT</p><p>It’s Bobbie.</p><p>Pastor Johnson sits bolt upright in his chair.</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>(with growing alarm)</p><p>What is it? I just saw her with Dee. She looked fine. </p><p>ROBERT</p><p>No, she is fine. I mean, she spends all her time with those plants, talking, singing and raping. </p><p>Pastor Johnson relaxes.</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>A lot of people talk and sing to plants. </p><p>Robert gets up and paces around the room.</p><p>ROBERT</p><p>Bobbie is growing up. I don’t know anything about little girls growing up. </p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>Listen, I’ve known you for a long time. </p><p>ROBERT</p><p>You have.</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>You can handle a girl growing up! Tell me what’s really up. </p><p>ROBERT</p><p>We’re Frat and I respect you as my Pastor. I just miss Evie so much! </p><p>Robert fights back his emotions.</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>I know you do. What’s it been, a little over 2 years?</p><p>ROBERT</p><p>Two years, 3 months and 6 days since that man killed my wife; all for a text.</p><p>Pastor Johnson is quiet for a moment.</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>Bobbie is an awesome girl. You two can help each other. Trust God and He will show you what to do.</p><p>ROBERT</p><p>Since you brought it up...I’m struggling with that. Tell me, what is loving about a God who would take my wife away from me and her daughter.</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>You know God didn’t take Evie. It’s the thief who kills.</p><p>Robert sits back down and aggressively closes the Bible and sends it across the table.</p><p>ROBERT</p><p>He didn’t stop it and He could have. Why would I trust and want to follow anyone who would do that to me? Does God really have my back? </p><p>Pastor Johnson looks sympathetic. </p><p>ROBERT (CONT’D)</p><p>Fourteen years of marriage, our daughter blossoming, Evie’s career established and then full stop, she’s dead.</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>I know its hard. You’ve got to change the way you’re thinking.</p><p>ROBERT</p><p>I’ve got to change the way I’m thinking? How ‘bout God doesn’t ALLOW Evie to die? What about God supplying all your needs? I need Evie!</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>I feel you man. I don’t understand it all, but your focus is off. </p><p>Pastor Johnson places a hand on Robert’s shoulder.</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON(CONT’D)</p><p>Look at what you have, Bobbie. </p><p>ROBERT</p><p>It was Evie who made it easy for me. I didn’t realize how much I depended on her till I tried to talk to Bobbie about Evie’s death. It was like I was talking to a stranger. Since Evie’s been gone, there is something missing behind her eyes. I don’t know how to reach her. </p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>I know losing Evie has been hard on everyone, but I’ve seen you work a room. You always connect. I’m sure you’re being too hard on yourself.</p><p>ROBERT</p><p>No, this IS a thing. Bobbie and I are not connecting! I need Evie to tell me what to do! I can’t loose Bobbie too!</p><p>Robert puts his head down in his hands. Pastor Johnson sits quietly for a moment.</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>Tell me something that is true about the situation.</p><p>ROBERT</p><p>I need answers not to play games!</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>Humor me, please.</p><p>Robert thinks for a moment.</p><p>ROBERT</p><p>I love Bobbie and want to give her all the experiences that will guide her to becoming a happy fulfilled person.</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>That’s every good parent’s dream. When God gives you an opportunity, remind Bobbie that she is not alone. Practice being present when you are with her. You love her, she loves you. It will work out. </p><p>ROBERT</p><p>So you say.</p><p>PASTOR JOHNSON</p><p>So I KNOW, We’ve been promised. Romans 8:28 says “And we know that all things work together for good to those who are the called according to His purpose.” -
Althea’s Character Story Beats
What I learned from this assignment is that isolating characters and cutting to the broad stroke beats will reveal opportunities to bring more depth to the characters
LOGLINE: Missing her deceased mother and desperate to grow up, a plant-loving middle schooler secretly plays matchmaker for her Father, using a popular dating app.
Character Name : Roberta (Bobbie)
Role: Middle schooler/daughter
Core Character Traits:
– Sensitive intellectual
– Reserved
– High Achiever
– Focused
– Stubborn
Character Subtext Logline: Bobbie is a teenager who wants to distract her Father so she can act more grown up.
Flaw: Too stubborn to see the community of support around her.
Life Metaphor/identity: She will always be Daddy’s little girl.
Mission: Find a girlfriend for her Father
Want: More independence, Acceptance Need: Love, Security,
Character Arc: Goes from feeling alone to valuing the community of support she has.
ROBERTA (BOBBIE’S) OVERALL STORY
Beginning: Generally sad, missing her mother, spends a lot of time in plant room. Tries makeup because of Monaglenn’s comments. Dad sees and yells at her. She cries and Al is brought to life.
Middle: All against Al’s advice, Bobbie arranges dates for her father without his knowledge, has a fight at youth group meeting, invites all dates to Father’s book signing. Goes to Kendrick’s party, kisses him, saves Monaglenn from DeVonte’, makes public apology.
End: Apologizes to father, gives Monaglenn a chance, goes on picnic with Kendrick.
Character Name: Robert Gladden, MD
Role: Father/Physician, Best selling Author
Core Character Traits:
– Charming
– Responsible
– Short fuse
– Workaholic
Character Subtext Logline: Robert feels a disconnect between him and his daughter since the passing of his wife 2 years ago that causes him to hold on too tightly.
Flaws: Confident bordering on arrogance.
Doubts that he can make a real connection with Bobbie.
Life Metaphor/identity: I can understand the mysteries of the brain but can’t have a meaningful relationship with my daughter.
Want: Better relationship with Bobbie Need: Love, Faith
Character Arc: Goes from unsure around Bobbie to more hopeful about their relationship.
ROBERT’S OVERALL STORY
Beginning: Successful book signing, meets Adira
Middle: Struggles with idea of Bobbie growing up. Goes on “dates” at his public events that are setup by Bobbie without his knowledge.
End: Listens to Bobbie, reveals that her mother also could hear plants, works with and gets to know Adira.
Character Name: Adira Holloway
Role: Dating app developer/potential love interest for Robert
Core Character Traits:
– Risk Taker
– Resilient
– Driven
– Dreamer
Character Subtext Logline: Hurt from many previous relationships, Adira creates a dating app so everyone else can fall in love.
Flaw: Workaholic
Life Metaphor/Identity: Dedicating her life to the happiness of others.
Want: Prove she can be successful apart from her Father.
Need: Love, Better life balance
Character Arc: Goes from no time for romance to seeing Robert as a possible love interest.
ADIRA’S OVERALL STORY
Beginning: Break up with Marcus
Middle: App is successful, overhears Bobbie created profile without father’s knowledge, invited to book signing, Father in hospital
End: Talks business with Robert, sits with Robert in church
Character Name: Aloysius Helianthus (Al)
Role: Bobbie’s conscious, voice of reason
Core Character Traits:
– Honest
– Blunt
– Goofy sense of humor
– Optimistic
Character subtext Logline: Al is a sunflower with a full understanding of seasons and the necessary cycles of life who lives to teach Bobbie the value of living fully in each season.
Life Metaphor/Identity: Unwavering faith and unconditional love
Want: Bobbie to trust her loving network
Character Arc: Comes to life through Bobbie’s tears, has a few days of big blossom and ends with death leaving behind sunflower seeds, then fully restored with Evie watching Bobbie and Kendrick, unseen.
ALOYSIUS’(Al) OVERALL STORY
Beginning: Comes to life from Bobbie’s tears
Middle: Counsel Bobbie about seasons, cycles and tries to dissuade her from creating dating profile and going to Kendrick’s party.
End: Dies leaving seeds but is seen restored watching over Bobbie and Kendrick on a picnic
Character Name: Monaglenn
Role: Nemesis to Bobbie/ New girl
Core Character Traits:
– Typical Mean girl
– Snooty
– Jealous of Bobbie’s apparent confidence
Character Subtext Logline: Monaglenn is a bully who recently moved to town and is won over by Bobbie’s act of kindness.
Flaws: Angry and mean on purpose.
Life Metaphor/Identity: Queen Bee
Want: Followers, To move back to Charlotte Need: Love, a hug, approval
MONAGLENN’S OVERALL STORY
Beginning: Talks about Bobbie’s lack of style and makeup, Bully at church
Middle: Shows snobbish attitude, gets drunk at party, talks about being home sick and is rescued by Bobbie.
End: Wants to be friends
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Althea’s Character Profiles
What I learned from this assignment is that the characters will reveal themselves throughout the writing process. Again, I see how helpful looking at individual parts in isolation can be.
LOGLINE: Missing her deceased mother and desperate to grow up, a plant-loving middle schooler secretly plays matchmaker for her Father, using a popular dating app.
Character Name : Roberta (Bobbie)
Role: Middle schooler/daughter
Core Character Traits:
– Sensitive intellectual
– Reserved
– High Achiever
– Focused
– Stubborn
Character Subtext Logline: Bobbie is a teenager who wants to distract her Father so she can act more grown up.
Flaw: Too stubborn to see the community of support around her.
Life Metaphor/identity: She will always be Daddy’s little girl.
Mission: Find a girlfriend for her Father
Want: More independence, Acceptance Need: Love, Security,
Character Arc: Goes from feeling alone to valuing the community of support she has.
Change:
Focused to frequently in a zone and detached from the world.
Character Name: Robert Gladden, MD
Role: Father/Physician, Best selling Author
Core Character Traits:
– Charming
– Responsible
– Short fuse
– Workaholic
Character Subtext Logline: Robert feels a disconnect between him and his daughter since the passing of his wife 2 years ago that causes him to hold on too tightly.
Flaws: Confident bordering on arrogance.
Doubts that he can make a real connection with Bobbie.
Life Metaphor/identity: I can understand the mysteries of the brain but can’t have a meaningful relationship with my daughter.
Want: Better relationship with Bobbie Need: Love, Faith
Character Arc: Goes from unsure around Bobbie to more hopeful about their relationship.
Change:
Elevate responsible to hovering, paying too much attention for a teenager’ comfort and also fits since he is the only parent alive.
Character Name: Dee
Role: Middle Schooler/Bobbie’s Best Friend
Core Character Traits:
– Loyal
– Supportive
– Good Natured
Character Subtext Logline: Dee supports Bobbie but tells her what bad ideas lying and going to the party would be.
Character Name: Monaglenn
Role: Nemesis to Bobbie/ New girl
Core Character Traits:
– Typical Mean girl
– Snooty
– Jealous of Bobbie’s apparent confidence
Character Subtext Logline: Monaglenn is a bully who recently moved to town and is won over by Bobbie’s act of kindness.
Flaws: Angry and mean on purpose.
Life Metaphor/Identity: Queen Bee
Want: Followers, To move back to Charlotte Need: Love, a hug, approval
Character Name: Adira Holloway
Role: Dating app developer/potential love interest for Robert
Core Character Traits:
– Risk Taker
– Resilient
– Driven
– Dreamer
Character Subtext Logeline :Hurt from many previous relationships, Adira creates a dating app so everyone else can fall in love.
Flaw: Workaholic
Life Metaphor/Identity: Dedicating her life to the happiness of others.
Want: Prove she can be successful apart from her Father.
Need: Love, Better life balance
Character Arc: Goes from no time for romance to seeing Robert as a possible love interest.
Change Driven to compulsive and micromanaging.
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Althea’s Story Beats
I learned that I need a lot of practice in distilling the story down to its beats. Taking each element in isolation is so revealing.
LOGLINE: Missing her deceased mother and desperate to grow up, a plant-loving middle schooler secretly plays matchmaker, using a popular dating app, for her widowed father.
BEAT SHEET
1. INT RESTAURANT – DAY
Adira and Marcus are celebrating her new project, The One dating app. They break up after Marcus tells her that he is only with her because of her father. Marcus makes a scene about how Adira’s new project is just like all the others and it won’t be successful. Adira, rushes out and in her haste, runs into the life sized cardboard figure of Robert, and falls. Robert helps her up. She buys a book. We learn about exercises from The Love Spot, Robert’s best selling book that increase the love in your life.
SIX MONTHS LATER
2. EXT GLADDEN NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
Mama P(Bobbie’s godmother) and bestie, Dee, drop Bobbie at home after school. Mama P encourages Bobbie to engage in the details of findings someone for her father Robert to date. Bobbie is not interested in being involved.
3. INT GLADDEN HOME PLANT ROOM
Bobbie practices Tae Kwon Do and her soil presentation with the plants as her audience. Marvin, her father’s assistant talks with her about grief and her coping mechanisms.
4. INT GLADDEN HOME KITCHEN – DAY
Grandma Net encourages Robert to spend more time with Bobbie and to talk to the Pastor and makes it clear that she expects to see him and Bobbie at church.
5. INT CHURCH YOUTH SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS – DAY
MONTAGE OF SHOTS
Bobbie shows pots with soil, the class is engaged.
Bobbie holding soil in her gloved hand, letting it filter through her fingers.
Bobbie and Kendrick lock eyes, Bobbie smiles.Kendrick announces his party. Bobbie overhears nemesis Monaglenn and crew talking about her lack of style and make up.
6. INT CHURCH – DAY
Monaglenn won’t let Bobbie and Dee sit on the same pew with her saying her row is for the beautiful people.
7. INT CHURCH PASTORS OFFICE – DAY
Robert talks to Pastor about dating and his fears of Bobbie growing up too fast.
8. EXT CHURCH PARKING LOT – DAY
Bobbie grabs Kendrick’s arm when Monaglenn and crew pass by. Mama P and other church ladies surround Robert. Mama P lets Robert know she has another date lined up for him. He declines but Mama P is insistent.
9. INT GLADDEN HOME KITCHEN – EVENING
Bobbie tries on make up and is interrupted by a text from Dee telling her that Monaglenn’s mother is on her mother’s list as a possible date for her father. Bobbie forgets to take the make up off. Her father sees and blows up at her. Bobbie runs to plant room where she feels closest to her mother, deceased 2 years. She cries and a tear falls into the soil of a potted sunflower and the plant comes to life, (Aloysius, Al).
Robert remorseful over blowup, has flashback of wife Evie, asks God for help with Bobbie.
10. INT GLADDEN HOME BOBBIE’S BEDROOM- DAY
Dee tells Bobbie how sought after her father is. Bobbie says nothing about being able to hear Al. The girls really want to go to Kendrick’s party. Bobbie is very worried that Monaglenn’s mother could be her father’s love interest.
11. INT GLADDEN HOME KITCHEN – MORNING
Bobbie brings Al into the kitchen. Bobbie asks Grandma Net to set her father up with someone. After some thoughtful questions, Grandma Net agrees. Bobby goes to school. Grandma Net thinks she hears something and puts Al in the plant room.
12. INT PLANT ROOM – DAY
Bobbie raps as she waters and talks to the plants. Al critiques her performance. Bobbie prays to God, seeking a sound mind. She and Al say “Amen” together. Bobbie decides to leave Al in the plant room so she won’t hear him.
13. INT GLADDEN HOME BOBBIE’S BATHROOM – NIGHT
She conducts a neurologic examination on herself.
14. INT RESTAURANT – DAY
Robert goes on date set up by Pam. (Mama P) The date has been married 6 times but thinks that Robert could be lucky 7.
15. INT GLADDEN HOUSE BOBBIE’S BEDROOM- NIGHT
Bobbie hears Al calling to her from the plant room. He will not be quiet. She gets him and brings him to her room. Al reminds Bobbie that she has grace, inner and outer beauty and should not listen to what Monagien says.
16. INT CONFERENCE ROOM THE ONE – DAY
Adira chairs office meeting noting 1 million subscribers. Asks employees to look at ways the principles of The Love Spot can help with eliciting more honest answers on the app profiles.
17. INT GLADDEN HOME BOBBIE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Bobbie sees a vision of Monaglenn and her mother in a family photo with her and her Dad. Then she sees The One dating app commercial. She does internet search of the app and Adira. Bobbie completes a profile for her father. Bobbie arranges a date for her father.
18. INT JAPANESE RESTAURANT -EVENING
Under the ruse of an apology dinner, Bobbie suggests they go to the Japanese restaurant. Bobbie finds out that the date has lied on her profile. Adira is also at the restaurant and overhears that Bobbie has created a profile for her father without his knowledge. Adira confronts Bobbie. Bobbie recognizes Adira from her research. Bobbie promises to delete the profile.
19. INT CHURCH HOSPITALITY ROOM – NIGHT
Mama P hosts a singles mixer and is showing Robert off. He is barely interested.
20. INT CHURCH YOUTH SUNDAY SCHOOl ROOM – NIGHT
Bobbie’s personal space is crowded by DeVonte’ and Bobbie uses a Tae Kwon Do move on him. The teacher talks to both Devonte’s parents and Bobbie’s father. Kendrick notices her. Bobbie sees her father beside Monaglenn’s mother after the meeting. Bobbie lies and says she must go home now. Bobbie is put on punishment for fighting at church.
21. INT GLADDEN HOME BOBBIE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Bobbie arranges another date for her father through The One app. Al continues to voice his objection.
22. INT EVENT SPACE – NIGHT
Grandma Net tries out stand up comedy and invites Adira, daughter of her long time friend. She invites Adira to Robert’s book signing. Adira begs off the date but wants to talk to Robert about potential business opportunities.
23. INT HOTEL BOOK SIGNING – NIGHT
Bobbie communicates through app with the date and through texts with her father, making it appear that Robert is the one responding. Robert has conversation with date who is confused when Robert says good night and walks away.
24. INT GLADDEN HOME BOBBIE’S BEDROOM – EVENING
Defying her father, Bobbie prepares to go to Kendrick’s party. Al and Dee urge her to stay home. Bobbie has invited all of the previous dates to her father’s book signing thinking they will keep him busy long enough for her to get back home undetected.
25. INT KENDRICK’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Kendrick plays host but also says Bobbie can be with him. They dance and talk.
26. INT KENDRICK’S HOUSE UPSTAIRS – NIGHT
Bobbie and Kendrick talk and kiss. They hear a sound dumb and a crash. Kendrick leaves to see what happened.
27. INT KENDRICK’S HOUSE UPSTAIRS BEDROOM -NIGHT
Monaglenn is there, drunk and with Devonte’ who plans to take advantage of her. Bobbie comes to her rescue using her Tae Kwon Do
28. INT MARVIN’S CAR – NIGHT
Marvin, Robert’s assistant picks the girls up, takes Monaglenn home and returns with Bobbie to Robert’s book signing.
29. INT HOTEL BOOK SIGNING – NIGHT
Bobbie walks in on an out and out brawl between the app dates. Some attendees are trying to stop the fight. Others film the commotion. Bobbie realizes that she is the creator of all the chaos, makes a public apology to everyone but is interrupted by emergency calls to her father and Adira from the hospital.
30. INT HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT
Robert meets Adira as he delivers her father’s medical report. Her father has had a stroke but will be fine and comments on what a nice couple the two of them make. Adira shares good news about The One app making the national morning news shows. Robert and Adira both remember meeting each other previously.
31. INT GLADDEN HOME KITCHEN – NIGHT
Bobbie apologizes to Robert and shares about Al who is now dead and shedding seeds and leaves on the table. Robert tells Bobbie that her mother could hear plants too, commends her maturity in telling the truth and agrees to have open communication and accept that she is a young woman and growing up.
32. INT CHURCH YOUTH SUNDAY SCHOOL – DAY
Class practices sowing positive seed with their tongues. Monaglenn apologizes.
33. INT CHURCH WORSHIP AREA – DAY
MONTAGE OF SHOTS
Bobbie, Kendrick, Dee, Monaglenn and crew sit on the same row
Grandma Net sit with Adira’s father. Robert sits with Adira.34. INT CHURCH PASTOR’S OFFICE- DAY
DeVonte’ is in serious conversation with the Pastor.
35. EXT PARK – DAY
Bobbie, Kendrick, Adira and Robert are on picnic. Evie and fully restored Al watch over them.
PART 2
Review each beat starting from the end and elevate the ones that are dull and/or problematic.
35. INT OFFICE CONFERENCE ROOM THE ONE APP – DAY
Adira and Robert sit in the conference room and are engaged over the possibilities of using an exercise from The Love Spot to increase honesty on the profiles.
35. EXT PARK – DAY
Kendrick and Bobbie play at the park. Evie and fully restored Al watch over them.
31. INT CHURCH SUNDAY SCHOOL ROOM
Bobbie, Monaglenn, DeVonte’ Kendrick, Dee and Sunday School teacher in group session. Forgiveness is the topic written on the board.
additional resolve
INT GLADDEN HOUSE PLANT ROOM – DAY
Bobbie plants several sunflower seeds into separate pots.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Althea McPhail.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Althea McPhail.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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Assignment 2
Althea’s Concept and Basic Story Structure
I learned that a good way to bust cliche’ is to take a step back, look at each scene one at a time and brain storm the possibilities.
title: GOOD SOIL
Genre: Fantasy/Faith-based
Longline:
Missing her deceased mother, desperate to grow up and insure her nemesis’ mother is not her father’s love interest, a plant-loving middle schooler secretly plays matchmaker for her widowed father.
Main Conflict: Middle schooler daughter thinks her father won’t let her grow up. Also she is afraid nemesis’ mother may be father’s love interest.
Opening:
Adira, a young wealthy app developer with her father’s complete support is at a restaurant celebrating her latest project The One dating app. She is with Marcus, boyfriend of 6 months, who is only with Adira because he believes it will get him access to her father. Marcus reminds Adira of all the other projects she’s been excited about and tells her anyone who is with her is only there because of her father. Adira breaks up with him. In her haste to leave the restaurant, Adira stumbles into Robert, Neurosurgeon and best selling author at his book signing in the same hotel.
SIX MONTHE LATER
Inciting Incident:
After Roberta(Bobbie) gives a Sunday School presentation about soil as an object lesson to the middle and high school youth group class, she overhears her nemesis, Monaglenn commenting on her personal style and lack of wearing make-up. This prompts Bobbie to try using make-up, a practice that had been previously prohibited by her father. Bobbie forgets to remove the make up and her father over reacts by yelling. Bobbie retreats to the plant room where she feels closest to her mother, Evie, 2 years deceased. Her father’s reaction is further proof to Bobbie that her father only see her as a little girl. As she cries, a tear falls into the soil of a potted sunflower, (Al) bringing him to life.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Bobbie’s solution is to find a mate for her father so he will focus on someone else. Bobbie sees a commercial for The One dating app and decides to secretly play match maker for her father.
1st turning point:
Both Al and Dee, best friend, tell Bobbie that creating a dating profile for her father is not wise but Bobbie does it anyway. The first date is at a Japanese steak house and Bobbie goes along under the ruse of an apology dinner for her father’s outburst. Adira is also there to observe the date because she believes that Robert’s date has lied on her profile. Adira overhears Bobbie talking with Dee about her father’s profile that she created without his knowledge. Adira confronts Bobbie and insists that she make her father aware. Bobbie says she will but doesn’t.
Midpoint:
Bobbie’s God mother has also been setting up dates for Robert. One of the potential contenders is Monaglenn’s mother. Bobbie is desperate to keep them apart.
Bobbie continues to schedule dates for her father at his book signing events, through the app. These dates go as well as can be expected when one person doesn’t know they are on a date.
Bobbie gets the attention of Kendrick, high schooler who is in her Sunday school class and is having a house party the same evening as a big local reading and book signing for her father.
Bobbie, who knows Tae Kwon Do, has a brief physical encounter at youth group with DeVonte’ who is a bully. Bobbie is on punishment for fighting at church and does not have permission to go to Kendrick’s party. Bobbie invites all of the previous app dates to the book signing.
2nd turning point:
In spite of warnings from Al and Dee, defying her father, Bobbie goes to Kendrick’s party.
Kendrick and Bobbie connect, dance and share a kiss.
Bobbie sees Monaglenn who is drunk and with DeVonte’.
Bobbie rescues Monaglenn from Devonte’ and calls her father’s assistant to pick them up and take Monaglenn home.
Bobbie goes to Robert’s book signing.
Crisis:
There is a fight between the app dates at the book signing that sometimes involves by standers as they try to break up the fight.
Climax:
Bobbie makes public apology from the stage admitting to everyone that she was the one who had been inviting them on dates. She is interrupted by emergency calls to Robert and Adira from the hospital.
Adira’s father has been admitted to the hospital.
Adira’s father has had a stroke but will be okay. He encourages Adira to consider Robert as potential mate.
Resolution:
Al dies.
Bobbie apologizes to Robert and tells him about Al and learns that her mother could hear plants talk too.
Monaglenn apologizes. Bobbie sits with Kendrick at church. DeVonte’ gets counseling at church.
Adira and Robert sit together in church.
Bobbie, Kendrick, Adira and Robert go on picnic. Evie and fully restored Al watch over them.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Althea McPhail.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Althea McPhail.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Althea McPhail.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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Hello, also looking for feedback buddy. Althea
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Althea’s Good Soil log line and One Page
What I learned from this lesson is that it takes restraint to condense a story to its basic plot. I will have to review some of the characters because I see now that the story can be complete without them.
Good Soil log line
Missing her deceased mother, desperate to grow up and insure her nemeses’ mother is not her father’s love interest, a plant-loving middle schooler secretly plays matchmaker by creating a profile on a popular dating app and orchestrating multiple dates for her widowed father without his knowledge.Summary
Roberta(Bobbie) a plant-loving middle schooler overhears the new girl, nemesis, Monaglenn, and crew disparage her style and call her lack of make up “pitiful.” Bobbie responds by trying out make up but forgets to remove it before coming to the table for dinner. Her father, Robert Gladden, a Neurosurgeon and New York times best selling author of The Love Spot, overreacts. Bobbie runs to the plant room where she feels closest to her mother, Evie a botanist, deceased 2 years. Bobbie cries and a tear falls into the soil of a potted sunflower, (Aloysius, Al). Al comes to life and talks to Bobbie. Only Bobbie can see Al.
Though Robert apologizes to Bobbie for his out burst, Bobbie still believes the path to more independence, Kendrick, her dream boyfriend and insuring her nemeses’ mother isn’t her father’s love interest, is to give her father someone else to focus on. After seeing a commercial for The One dating app and against Al’s advice, Bobbie secretly creates Robert’s dating profile and orchestrates multiple dates without her father being aware.
Bobbie comes along on the first date she arranges. She is confronted by the app developer (Adira), who is there to spy on the date because she suspects that Robert’s date has lied on her profile. Adira overhears Bobbie saying she created the profile without her father’s knowledge. Bobbie does not come clean.
At church youth meeting, Bobbie defends herself from Devonte and gains the attention of Kendrick who is having a party this coming weekend. Bobbie and her bestie Dee are invited but Bobbie is on punishment for fighting at church and told she cannot go to the party.
Bobbie invites all of Robert’s previous dates to come to Robert’s reading and book signing. The book signing and Kendrick’s party are scheduled at the same time.
Against Al’s pleading, Bobbie goes to the party. There she has her first kiss with Kendrick and defends Monaglenn who is inebriated. Bobbie recognizes the need for an adult and calls her father’s assistant who sees to it that Monaglenn gets home and takes Bobbie to Robert’s book signing where a fight has broken out among Robert’s previous dates.
Bobbie makes a public apology which is interrupted by an emergency call for Robert from the hospital. Adira also gets a call from the hospital. Her father has been admitted.
Robert is his doctor and he meets Adira when giving the medical report . Her father will make a full recovery and comments on what a good looking couple the two of them make.
When Bobbie gets home, she apologizes again to Robert and tells him about Al talking to her. Al now has released sunflower seeds and is dead. She learns that her mother could hear plants talk as well.
At church, Monaglenn apologizes and wants to be friends. Robert, Adira, Bobbie and Kendrick enjoy a picnic. Observing, unseen is a smiling Evie holding a fully restored Al.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Althea McPhail. Reason: add title
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Althea McPhail.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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I, Althea McPhail, agree to the following group confidentiality form terms:
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hello all! My name is Althea. I live in the metro Atlanta area. I’ve written a web series and 2 screenplays. The second one is the one I’m going to rewrite with the aid of this class.
Writing is my second career. I still work as a semi-retired physician (Pathologist) and full-time grandmother.
I’m excited to do the deep dive and growth necessary to improve my writing I’m looking forward to learning from everyone.
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Hi, I’m not sure how to tell if everyone has a partner, but if you’re up for the work, I’m in!
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Oops, looks like you are partnered with Judith, correct?
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Hi Susan, that would be great! I accept!
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Hi Dia,
Nice to meet you! This is the first class I’ve taken with this format so I’m glad to hear you found previous classes helpful. I’m practicing my open-mindedness because professionals rewrite!