Amanda Avalon
Forum Replies Created
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Hi all, my name is Amanda Avalon. I have written multiple scripts so far, 9 of which are features. I just finished the first draft of my action script and decided to take this course for rewrite purposes since it is my first action script.
Basically I hope to make sure my screenplay is the best possible before I send it out!
Happy to meet you all on this platform 🙂
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1. Amanda Avalon
2. I agree to the terms of this release form.
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Amanda’s Seabiscuit Analysis
What I learned doing this assignment is profound moments don’t need dialogue, they can be shown.
Profound moments:
a) Red’s dad gives him his books as he’s left at the stables.
b) Seabiscuit and Red meet again, both have hurt their legs and can barely walk.
c) Red rides Seabiscuit and they both win even though they were not supposed to ride or run again.
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Amanda’s Old Ways Challenge Chart
What I learned doing this assignment is thinking about the “old ways” brings depth in the story.
List of Old Ways for your story & ideas you have for ways to challenge each of the Old Ways
Good girls get married and soon after, have a family of their own
· Allison realizes she’s doing as she’s expected and she’s not sure if that’s what she wants.
Good girls listen to their parents and their husband
· Even though Allison is accomplished lawyer she doesn’t really have a voice in her own life and is living a life that’s expected of her
Good girls know how to behave and don’t party excessively
· Allison gets waisted and does drugs during her bachelorette party
Good girls don’t lose stuff, especially their engagement rings
· If you can’t take care of your possessions, you can’t take care of yourself. Losing the ring symbolizes the “can’t take care of yourself” part of the story (which turns out to be false in the end)
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Amanda’s Profound Ending
What I learned doing this assignment is having a twist in the ending is a great way to add a surprise and it’s also a great place to add comedy in the situation.
Design your ending to have a profound impact.
What is your Profound Truth and how will it be delivered powerfully in your ending?
Profound Truth Everyone should be able to make their own decisions (make their own destiny) and not let others make the decisions for them.
In the end, Allison makes her decision on whether she wants to be married to Brandon or not. During her transformational journey she has made up her mind but she gets distracted and changes her mind when one of her friends talks her out of it. After seeing Brandon talking to his mother about a misunderstanding, she realizes she cannot marry him and tells him she cannot marry him. There is a funny twist in the story at this point after which we are left with Allison leaving the room with her bridesmaids.
How do your lead characters (Change Agent and Transformable Characters) come to an end in a way that represents the completed change?
Allison did as she was expected and didn’t have a voice. She gets her voice and makes her first big, life altering decision by not marrying the guy she was supposed to marry.
What are the setup/payoffs that complete in the end of this movie, giving it deep meaning?
The ring is found, Allison didn’t lose it after all. She was responsible and can take care of herself. The losing the ring represents that she is not.
How are you designing it to have us see an inevitable ending and then making it surprising when it happens?
I have written the ending of the story and rewriting it according to the profound truth I set during this course.
What is the Parting Image/Line that leaves us with the Profound Truth in our minds?
Allison has gained her voice and she leaves her astonished groom and mother (and Brandon’s mother) and takes off from a full packed wedding venue.
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Amanda’s Connection with Audience
What I learned doing this assignment is this a good way to evaluate and build a character.
1. Tell us which characters you are going to INTENTIONALLY create a connection with the audience. Allison, Jade,
2. With each character, tell us how you’ll use each of the four ways of connecting with the audience in the first 30 minutes of the movie.
Allison
a) relatability: Allison is a “good girl”, with a good education and looking forward to a nice life, circle of friends
b) intrigue: she gets on a party mood and finds out a new side of herself
c) empathy: She lost her ring and is devastated (she needs to find it)
d) likability: She’s on her bachelorette party trip with her friends and having a good time, she also has a white, small, fluffy dog.
Jade
a) relatability: A party girls who’s trying to get her act together, circle of friends
b) intrigue: Can she keep her act together at the party?
c) empathy: She’s got a little relapse
d) likability: She’s a part of a group of friends
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Amanda’s Three Gradients
What I learned doing this assignment is you have to have your story figured out to be able to do this. It’s also a great tool in outlining the story.
1. What is the Emotional Gradient you’ll use?
Desired change
2. For each emotion of that gradient, tell us the following:
A. Excitement:
Action: Allison realizes she can make her own decisions and she won’t have to live according to her parent’s expectation.
Challenge: Having to make a life altering decisions by herself.
Weakness: She never did this before.
B. Doubt
Action: She lost her engagement the ring.
Challenge: The ring must be found.
Weakness: How is she going to be able to take care of herself if she can’t take care of a ring?
C. Hope
Action: Searching for the ring at various places and getting information on where the ring might be.
Challenge: The ring is nowhere to be found.
Weakness: Lack of self-confidence due to losing the ring.
D. Discouragement
Action: All the leads end up with nothing.
Challenge: What else can I do to find to ring?
Weakness: Self-doubt, maybe I can’t take care of my own business.
E. Courage
Action: The wedding party flies off to the venue (Miami)
Challenge: The ring is lost somewhere in Las Vegas, need to tell the groom, not only about the ring but also about her own empowerment
Weakness: Her mother and maid-of-honor are not onboard of her newfound empowerment
F. Triumph…or Loss
Action: The ring is found, she has the courage to tell her groom how things are.
Challenge: She must leave the groom to live her life.
Weakness: Her parents and the groom’s family are devastated.
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Amanda’s Lead Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is this is a handy way to build up characters.
1. Tell us your transformational journey logline.
A “good girl” has to redeem her lost engagement ring before the wedding, and while doing that, she becomes empowered and finds her voice.
2. Change Agents are lead character’s friends, Kelsey, Jade and Olivia. They are her bridesmaids and, on a journey, together with the change agent.
3. Transformable Character is the lead character, Allison, the bride.
This character has been suppressed to be a good girl and what is expected of her. Good marriage with a man who has a posh background (=money). She needs to change, and we’re rooting for her.
4. The Oppression(s) are mothers. Allison’s mom, Esther and Brandon’s mom Mary. They try to force the marriage while Mary also tries to dig dirt as she got second thoughts after the girl’s wild bachelorette party.
5. Betraying Character is either Kelsey or Olivia, one of Allison’s bridesmaids who turns into a Betraying Character since she has old-school values. Have to decide which one.
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Amanda’s Transformational Journey
What I learned doing this assignment is the transformational journey is important. I had the beginning and the end already written but this assignment completely changed the ending and some of the storylines. I didn’t think the transformational journey is so important in comedy, but it will make the story so much better. I’ve been feeling a bit stuck but not anymore!
1. Tell us your logline for the transformational journey.
A “good girl” has to redeem her lost engagement ring before the wedding, and while doing that, she becomes empowered and finds her voice.
2. Tell us what you see as the Old Ways.
The lead character is a typical “good girl”, good education, getting married to a man who’s good on paper but boring. Her parents want her to marry him, so she’s been thinking she’s obliged to marry him.
3. Tell us what you see as the New Ways.
She becomes empowered, finds her voice and decides she’s not letting anyone tell her what to do.
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Amanda’s First Three Decisions
What I learned doing this assignment is I need to think about the audience change also. It’s not just about the hero’s journey.
1. What is your profound truth? <div>
You cannot plan everything.
2. What is the change your movie will cause with an audience?
Unexpected things happen to even the best of us.
3. What is your Entertainment Vehicle that you will tell this story through?
Embellished conflict.
This is a comedy screenplay that I’ve half-written.
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Amanda Avalon’s Analysis of Groundhog Day
What I learned doing this assignment is I started noticing more carefully what the story is.
What is the CHANGE this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of this movie?
Phil Connors is a rude, arrogant weatherman who wakes up to a same day repeatedly. As the days goes by, he starts to notice things around him and starts to care about the world and the people around him and turn into a man Rita might fall in love with.
Lead characters:Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change?
Change agent is Rita, who he falls in love with.
Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey?
Phil, his attitude is poor. He needs to change to a better version of himself.
What is the Oppression?
Time. And the alarm clock.
How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story?
He knows what happens next and each time tries to benefit from the situation one way or another. Towards the end, for the benefit of other people.
Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.” Identify their old way: Identify their new way at the conclusion:
Phil changed the most, from arrogant and rude person to empathetic and caring human being.
What is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing?
He came from arrogant, to surprised and angry, suicidal to caring of others. As he came to terms with living only one day, he started making most of it instead of trying to end it or himself.
How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?
The change was internal, a mindset. As soon as he was ready and in tune with his emotions and surroundings, the day changed.
What are the most profound moments of the movie?
The moments when he’s trying to convince Rita that he’s not crazy.
When he tells Rita at the café that the cameraman is coming to take you away from me and gives her a note saying the exact words.
What are the most profound lines of the movie?
When he tells Rita at the café that the cameraman is coming to take you away from me.
How does the ending payoff the setups of this movie?
He wakes up to a new day with a woman who he’s fallen in love with.
What is the Profound Truth of this movie?
Notice your surroundings instead of only focusing on yourself.
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Hi all,
My name is Avalon, Amanda Avalon 🙂
I’ve finished 3 features, a pilot and 3 shorts. I’m currently writing a new feature (or two actually). I write comedy, romantic comedy and dramedy with a female protagonist(s).
3. My goal is to finish my comedy feature during this course and to learn the fundaments of a profound screenplay.
4. If only I knew before… I could’ve watching movies instead of reading a bunch of law books.
Let’s have fun and learn!
– Amanda
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I, Amanda Avalon, agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Amanda Avalon’s comments.
Super helpful to see an example how the scenes are broken down! Thank you.
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Amanda Avalon’s Action/Props
What I learned is outlining a scene is important and adding comedy to the outline helps to write it.
Main area of incongruence
Mark wants to persuade Juniper to come back to him even though she’s on a date with another man.
Rewrite of the outline:
Juniper (40s) is having a romantic dinner with her boyfriend Noah (30s) who is her employee. Her ex, Mark (50s) enters the restaurant with his friend. Mark decides to have a little chat with Juniper to persuade her to come back to him even though she’s on a date with another man.
Mark is trying to stay calm even though he’s painfully finding out that his precious Juniper has moved on and has been sleeping with Noah. He ends up spilling redwine on his new slacks he bought to impress Juniper.
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Amanda Avalon’s Topper Outline!
What I learned is that you need to think carefully about the lines and the comedy situation needs to be a comedy situation. My situation is not comedic enough, but I’ll try to turn it into one.
Funny moments:
Mark storms over to talk to Juniper
Mark: I need to talk to Juniper… before she’s does anything stupid!
His friend: Like what?
Mark: Like sleep with him… no. I know her. She wouldn’t do that!
His friend: Umm… yeah right. I don’t think she a nun.
Mark is standing by the table. Juniper embarrasses him because he won’t let go.
Mark: Darling, what’s going on?
Juniper: I’m having a nice meal.
Noah: And desert (winking to Mark)
Mark is horrified.
Mark: Honey, you can’t be serious? Are you on a date?
Noah: What are you, his daddy?
Juniper: No, you’re my daddy…
Mark: This is absurd! You’re not… sleeping with him? Him?
Waiter walks over and offers Mark a chair.
Noah: That’s ok, he won’t be needing a chair.
Mark wrenches the chair from the poor waiter and sits on it.
Noah: You wanna join the party?
Mark: Keep your mouth shut!
Noah makes a gesture with his hand as to zip his mouth.
Juniper: Don’t talk to Noah like that.
Mark: You need to stop this. I need you.
Juniper: One of your OCD’s..
Mark: I don’t have ab OCD.
Mark is talking with his hand and spills Noah’s redwine on himself. He jumps up, horrified and reaching for the napkins on the table to clean them.
Mark: My pants are ruined! I bought them for you!
Noah: So why are you wearing them?
Juniper: I don’t like the color!
Noah: Although that stain looks quite stylish
Juniper: Yeah, Bordeaux is always in.
Mark is getting more and more irritated. Noah puts on his Jogi mood and puts his hands on a Jogi posture and takes a deep breath.
Noah: Relax… take a deep breath.
Frustrated, Mark foots off from the restaurant. His friend shoots after him, causing a few chairs to almost fall as he rushes out.
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Title: Amanda Avalon’s Comedy Brainstorm Session!
What I learned is that I have to plan the comedy situations carefully, this is a good recipe that I’ll be using from now on.
Comedy situation: Comedic surprise
Comedy Characters and their loglines:
Juniper is a hot shot executive who falls in love with her younger employee.
Noah is Junipers younger employee (as head of advertising) who’s into spiritual balance and a yogi. And he loves motorcycles.
Mark is as stiff as a stick, not a comedic character at all. He is also obsessively clean, always going around with his tablecloth (which trait has been used for comedy).
Possible funny moments:
1. What does he/his friend say when he’s off to the confrontation?
2. What is Juniper / Noah going to say to him?
3. What will Mark say?
4. What will actually happen in the situation?
Scene outline, comedy situation:
Juniper (40s) is having a romantic dinner with her love interest Noah (30s) who is her younger employee. Her ex, Mark enters the restaurant and notices the two. He and his friend are escorted to their table, but he decides to confront the two and storms over to their table, furious.
(This scene is from my screenplay, let’s rewrite it!)
backstory: She refused his proposal early in the script.
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Title: Amanda Avalon’s punchlines
What I learned from this assignment is techniques for punchlines.
INT. FLOWER SHOP – DAY
Stuart (50s) is selecting a flower bouquet in a small corner flower store. Abby (late-30s) is busy with making a bouquet. Stuart is seemingly helpless, so she puts her bouquet aside and approaches Stuart.
ABBY
Hi, can I help you?
Stuart is relived, but a bit nervous.
STUART
Yes. I need to get nice flowers.
ABBY
What’s the occasion?
STUART
Umm… that’s a bit personal, don’t you think?
ABBY
No, I meant.. is if it’s for a funeral or something. But I’ll assume it’s for your wife?
STUART
Yes.
ABBY
What’s her favorite color?
STUART
Pink.
Abby nods and starts to collect some flowers and shows them to Stuart.
The door opens. Stuart quickly glimpses towards the door. He is horrified to see his wife, SARAH (late 40s). Abby shouts a warm hi and turns to collect more flowers.
Sarah looks surprised and walks over to Stuart.
SARAH
Hi, darling…
(gives Stuart a kiss)
what are you doing here? I thought you’re on a business trip.
STUART
Umm… yeah… It got cancelled. But I’m gonna have to leave tomorrow.
SARAH
And you decided to surprise me and get me flowers.
Abby is done collecting the flowers and turns to show Stuart the bouquet.
ABBY
Here! All your wife’s favorite flowers!
Sarah takes a long look at the flowers.
SARAH
(to Stuart)
My favorite flowers… You know I love yellow roses. Besides, pink doesn’t go with our furniture!
Abby looks defeated.
STUART
Sorry, darling… Why don’t you go home? I’ll be there in a bit and I’ll get you your yellow roses.
Sarah kisses Stuart happily and waltzes off.
ABBY
I’ll make a new bouquet.
Stuart starts to pace in the small shop.
STUART
Shit! Dammit it.
ABBY
Oh. These aren’t for her?
STUART
No. And yes, I know. I’m a horrible person. I have a wife… and a girlfriend.
(gets striked with an idea)
Can I have two for one?
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Amanda Avalon’s character’s intro
What I learned from this assignment is that comedy character logline is really an efficient way to come up with a story!
I actually came up with a great idea for my next script so not going to share that one here… something else instead.
Comedy logline: Allison is a journalist who doesn’t want to write unhappy or disturbing news.
INT. NEWSROOM – DAY
The newsroom in filled with busy journalists typing on their laptops. The big boss of the room, Mark (late 50s) walks over to ALLISON’s (mid-20s, smart, down-to-earth) desk. Allison looks up and sees Mark’s serious face staring at her.
MARK
I need you to go to the mall. There’s a hostage situation.
ALLISON
Hostage situation? I write columns! I’m not a reporter!
Mark leans over to Allison’s desk.
MARK
It’s time, Allison. You’re ready. No more writing about…
(whispering)
women’s products –
Allison shakes her head in disbelief.
ALLISON
You know, women constitute 50 % of the people. You can say it outload: tampons.
Mark is surprised by this outrageous young girl and straightens himself, irritated.
MARK
We’re a traditional newspaper.
ALLISON
So, I’m allowed to write about lipsticks but not hygiene?
MARK
Can you keep your voice down?
ALLISON
(sighs)
I have a column here. It’s almost ready.
MARK
(suspiciously)
What’s it about?
ALLISON
Dog breeds, and how to choose the right breed for you.
Mark is relieved.
MARK
Sure. Send it over.
Mark turns away and strides off to his office. Allison shakes her head and sends him the column.
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Title: More of Amanda’s Funny situations
What I learned from this assignment is there are many options to create funny situations.
EXT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Allison (mid-40s) rushes to the coffee shop. She opens the door –
INT. COFFEE SHOP
— and storms in the typical Starbucks-style coffee shop. She looks around and notices her husband, COREY (late-40s) waiting for her across the coffee shop. She strides towards him.
COREY
You’re late! Again. How hard can it be —
ALLISON
— I know, I know.
Allison opens her coat and glances around.
ALLISON
I’ll find us a table. You get the coffee. I’ll have a cappuccino. Oat milk, no sugar.
Corey sighs deeply and gets in line. Allison notices an empty table and rushes to it and gets herself comfortable. She takes her phone out and starts to entertain herself with it. Corey looks at her and shakes his head.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER.
Corey carries a cup in both his hands and walks over very carefully. He places the cups on the table, and they spill over a little. He mumbles to himself, irritated and sits down. Allison doesn’t show she notices. She puts her phone down and concentrates on her coffee.
Corey takes his coat off and takes a huge stack of tissue out of his pocket that he got from the counter and starts to clean his cup and the table.
COREY
You need a tissue?
ALLISON
No, I’m good.
Corey gets increasingly irritated and takes Allison cup and cleans it and the table.
ALLISON
I said I’m good.
COREY
It’s gonna drip. You’ll get stains.
Allison looks at Corey with a slight irritation. Then she decides to blurt out —
ALLISON
I think I wanna have a dog. One of those… you know… those Labradors.
Corey looks at Allison like she’s gone mad and puts her cup down. Allison sits back and takes her coffee with a smirk on her face.
COREY
No way! They drool. What a mess. And the hair! Yaiks!
ALLISON
But they’re cute! Just think about it! A cute little puppy snuggling with you on a Sunday morning —
COREY
You’d take that thing to our bed? He’d pee and poop all over. I don’t even want to start with the hair.
ALLISON
Of course, I would! We’d get to have doggie playdates and all!
Corey can’t believe what he’s hearing!
ALLISON
And you looove to clean… Just think about it! You’d get to collect all that poop! How perfect would that be! And when he’s all grown up, maybe you’d get to have two bags for all that poop!
COREY
(shaking his head)
You’re mad. Oh my god. No way.
ALLISON
I know. I don’t like big dogs. Just a little one. Sounds better now, doesn’t it?
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Title: Amanda’s Funny situations
What I learned from this assignment is different situation styles that are funny.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
The office is modern, airy and light open space office. There are lots desks and people are working. Jason meets his friend Dan by the door and sees him off to his job interview. They walk across the space office area towards the conference room.
JASON
When did you get in town? Last night?
DAN
Yeah, I met some broad on Tinder.
JASON
Seriously?
DAN
Oh yeah! This one was a crazy bitch.
(whispering)
Kept begging for more… and more.
JASON
You’re fucked up, dude.
Jason and Dan arrive at the conference room door.
JASON
Ok, you’re on. Break a leg!
Dan knocks and opens the conference room door —
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
— and enters the room. The room has a long modern table and the chair at the end the table is turned the other way. The person sitting on it is talking on the phone. Jason stands still, nervous. Suddenly, the chair turns. It’s the interviewer, CHRYSTAL, holding her phone.
CHRYSTAL
(putting her phone down)
Hi, you’re here for the job? I didn’t hear you knock.
DAN
Sorry about that.
CHRYSTAL
Well, sit down, please.
INT. OFFICE
Jason is sitting by his desk when her co-worker Daisy walks up to him. She nods towards the conference room.
DAISY
You know him? He’s interviewing for the job?
JASON
Yeah, why?
DAISY
I kinda met him last night.
Jason looks at Daisy, surprised.
JASON
You’re the crazy bitch, hah?
DAISY
What? Oh no, no, no. I’m not. What a wuss. He couldn’t even get it up.
JASON
You’re kidding me, right?
DAISY
Nope. That dude has serious problems.
Daisy looks bored and nods towards the conference room.
30 MINUTES LATER
Dan walks up to Jason’s desk, relaxed.
JASON
How did it go?
DAN
Yeah, fine, I think.
Daisy sneaks up to Dan from behind.
DAISY
(making crazy moves with her hands and body)
So, I hear I’m a crazy bitch! Wohoo!
Dan gets spooked and he jumps aside.
DAN
Shit! You? What are you doing here? What’s wrong with you?
DAISY
I work here! And what’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? And your weenie? Teeny?
Jason raises his hand, pointing the index finger up, then drops the finger.
DAISY
Exactly! I wouldn’t brag if I were you…
Dan looks defeated.
JASON
I have to say, Daisy… didn’t think you’re on Tinder.
DAISY
Why? A girl’s gotta eat… but not a weenie.
Daisy winks at Dan, turns on her heels and foots off.
JASON
Imagine if you did sleep with her…
Dan scoops his crotch with his hand, thankful.
DAN
Thanks for failing me, man.
Chrystal walks by and sees and hears Dan.
CHRYSTAL
I’m sorry, what’s going on here? You two know each other?
Jason and Dan get stiff like soldiers, trying to be cool. Daisy notices what’s happening across the office, and she laughs so much she has to hide behind her desk.
DAN
Sorry about that, we were just joking.
CHRYSTAL
Ok, I haven’t made up my mind, yet… but FYI… we don’t touch our genitals in the office.
DAN
Understood.
Chrystal ambles off. Jason and Dan try to keep a straight face while Daisy is laughing her ass off.
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Title: Amanda’s Comedy plots
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is this a very handy way to create the plots.
PREMISE: A man has a romantic encounter with his potential new boss in the eve of the job interview.
Fish out of water: A job applicant sleeps with his potential new boss.
Incongruent pairings: A boss and her potential employee.
Hilarious purpose: He tries to convince her to give him the job.
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AMANDA AVALON
What I learned from this assignment is that comedy is more showing/doing than dialogue.
IT'S COMPLICATED by Nancy Meyers
INT. JANE’S BEDROOM – WIDE – SAME TIME
Jake pokes his head in, looks around, sees no one in the
room. He hears Jane in the bathroom and ENTERS quietly,
quickly squirms out of his boxers and T-shirt, then, DROPS * HIS ROBE, and lies on his side, on the bed, completely NUDE — elbow up, palm supporting his head — a smile on his face. He changes his smile to a smoulder.Jake hears water running. Suddenly modest, he quickly drags over the open Laptop and places the open screen in front of <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>his privates. He smiles, ready to be discovered.
JANE dries her hands at the bathroom sink.
INT. ADAM’S BEDROOM – SAME TIME
Adam crosses through the room on his way to his laptop.JANE ENTERS HER BEDROOM, SEES JAKE and lets out a SCREAM.
Simultaneously, ADAM PLOPS DOWN IN HIS DESK CHAIR, LOOKS AT <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>HIS SCREEN and instantly YANKS HIMSELF AWAY in disgust.
ADAM
Mother of —
(looks again)
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Jake LOOKS DOWN AT THE SCREEN, SEES ADAM’S SCREAMING FACE <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>AND SCREAMS BACK.
JANE
What are you doing in here?!!!
ADAM
(covering the screen with
his hands)
Get it off!!!
JAKE
(covering himself)
I wanted to see you.
JANE
Why are you naked!?!
JAKE
(sits up straight, the lap <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>top shooting <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>even <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>more <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>directly at his groin)
Why do you think?
ADAM
Okay, I’m gonna be sick.
Jake LEANS IN, covers Adam’s eyes on the screen, which, of course, does nothing.
ADAM
Not working! Big close up!
Jake rises, now his ass gets the close up, he bends over to <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>get his robe.
ADAM
Okay! Good night!
Jake SPINS THE LAPTOP and the ISIGHT LENS LANDS ON JANE.
Jane and Adam look at one another. No time to say anything.
She’s desperate. He’s lost.
The DOOR FLIES OPEN, the KIDS RUSH IN, just as Jake ties his robe.
GABBY
Everybody okay?
No one says anything.
LAUREN
What’s happening?
Adam listens, his eyes on Jane. Jake crosses to Jane, facing
the Kids. He walks in and out of the iSight shot.
JAKE
Okay. Let me explain. The reason I left Agness wasn’t just because my marriage wasn’t working.
(The Kids wait…)
I’ve also fallen in love…back in love… with your mother. Or maybe I never stopped loving her.
GABBY
Is this a joke?
JAKE
I know this is shocking, but I think this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Your Mom and I have been seeing each other, on the side… ever since New York.
LAUREN
Mom, is this true?
JANE (dying)
That part is, but…
JAKE
I found my way back home. I just hope she’ll take me back.
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GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I, Amanda Avalon, agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Hi everyone,
I’m Amanda. I’ve written 6 scripts so far. I write romcoms and dramedy so hoping to get ideas for comedy writing.
Started this journey about a year ago and love writing. Hoping to turn it into a full-time adventure rather sooner than later. From Finland and ready and eager to relocate to the La La Land.