Amechi Ngwe
Forum Replies Created
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I realized I have not been empowering myself enough, and immediately taking action when I need to. I will start putting that into practice.
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Hi everyone,
My name is Amechi Ngwe. I’ve written over twenty features and TV pilots at this stage and have taken most of the ScreenwritingU classes at this point. I’m hoping to have a lot of breakthroughs and to double the quality of my writing over the course of the next six months.
Something unique about me is I find it very difficult to sleep on my back.-
This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by Amechi Ngwe.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by
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Amechi Ngwe
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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HIJACK 5 Star Model
What I learned doing this assignment is there are usually things in a pilot that are in there under the surface that it’s not possible to see on the first viewing but are part of the experience.
Big Picture Hooks
1. What is the big hook of this show?
A high level negotiator on a highjacked flight offers to help the terrorists get what they want so that he can make it home alive.2. Amazing and Intriguing Character Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?
Sam seems like the type of person who wants to do the right thing, and then wants to help the terrorists.3. Empathy / Distress:
Ask this: What situations causes us to feel both empathy and distress for these characters?
The ‘old-fashioned’ man helping the girl with her overhead luggage.
Sam has no luggage, only a gift for his wife.
Helping the stranger get on the flight.
The parents struggling with their luggage and their kids.
The reverend who tries to bribe the flight attendant into upgrading him and his anxious wife.
Sam is told by his wife not to get on the plane.
Sam’s ex-wife has social media pictures with another man
Sam tells his annoying and noisy seat neighbor that he doesn’t want to talk to him.
Sam helping to calm down the panicking woman.
Guns pointed at Sam as he makes his way back to first class.4. Layers / Open Loops Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?
How can the stranger skip the line to get on the flight?
“How bad can it be?” Helping the stranger who was late get on the flight.
Who are the men who stare at each other on the flight?
Who is the flight attendant’s rich boyfriend?
The bullet found in the restroom.
Will the lie about the bullet hold up?
The airport worker being forced to go home.
Who is Collette Fisher?
Terrorists take over the plane
The men planning the counter-attack on the terrorists
Who are the terrorists?
How do the terrorists know about the captain and Collette?
The captain is cheating on his wife with Collette
Sam keeps his phone.
The captain attacks the co-pilot to open the door for the terrorists.
Sam is an expert high-level negotiator.
Will Sam’s offer be accepted5. Inviting Obsession Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?
Sam is an expert negotiator who can help the terrorists get what they want and get home to his family.
We want to know how he is going to help them, and if he will be get home to his family.
Some of the characters have secrets that are hinted at but not explained. -
Amechi Ngwe, I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Hi everyone,
My name is Amechi Ngwe. I’ve written over 20 features and am closing in on 10 tv pilots.
I’m hoping to learn how to use AI effectively to help me create some new projects and get them finished quickly. I’m also hoping to use it to finish projects that I usually burn out on.
I was in PS 41, MSC 4, and Binge Worthy TV 4 I believe as well.
Good luck everyone!
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Amechi’s Project Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s easier to do a rewrite by creating and updating my outline before I get to the words of the script.A: GENRE: ACTION
B: TITLE: SUPER FAN
C: HIGH CONCEPT: A fan of a superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and tangles with the superhero’s jealous sidekick.
D: MAIN CONFLICT: The Sidekick and the super fan battle for the Superhero’s trust and love.
E: TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY: From defeated loner to powerful sidekick.
F: OPPOSITION: The Superhero’s sidekick.MAIN CHARACTERS:
Protagonist: Clay
Antagonist: Rhapsody
Triangle character: Apex -
Hello everyone,
My name is Amechi Ngwe.
I’ve written over 20 scripts (mostly features, a few TV pilots), I’m not sure what the exact number is anymore… I guess that’s a good thing?
I’m hoping to rewrite my script from the Writing Incredible Movies Class. I don’t think I got it to where I wanted to take it and am hoping a bit of time off and some new motivation will help me get it there.
Something different about me… I guess I really enjoy sitting and working in libraries. The books there just inspire me to get my work done too.
Looking forward to the class!
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Amechi Ngwe
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Amechi’s Marketable Components
What I learned doing this assignment is that there’s a difference between business hooks and story/character hooks. Both are essential to creat a powerful and marketable script.
GENRE: ACTION
TITLE: SUPER FAN
CONCEPT: An obsessed fan of a Superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and clashes with the superhero’s sidekick.A. Unique: A superhero becoming friends with an obsessed fan. His sidekick becoming jealous of the fan.
B. Great Title: Says exactly who the protagonist is, and also hints at what they want to be.
C. True: N/A
D. Timely: It’s one of the big genres at the moment and new, unique stories with new perspectives need to be told to keep it fresh.
E. It’s a first: N/A
F. Ultimate: I could make it about a group of superheroes, or make him the strongest superhero in the world, but that might take away from the closeness of the relationship they build, or give a clear reason why this story wouldn’t happen.
G. Wide Audience Appeal: Superhero story. Big, popular genre.
H. Adapted from a popular book: N/A
I. Similarity to a box-office success: There are some similarities between this story and The Incredibles, Iron Man 3, The Dark Knight.
J. A great role for a bankable actor:
Clay: A superhero obsessed civilian
Apex: An injured and disillusioned superhero
Rhapsody: A superhero’s sidekick who wants power and freedom, and is jealous of the new relationship.Brainstorm session:
Make it clear in the script how much Clay knows about Apex and Rhapsody.
Make more references to past battles and a bigger world.
Make Apex more disillusioned with his life and what he’s accomplished. -
Amechi’s Project and Market
What I learned today is to get good at this so I can understand the market in a way that will help me market my projects in a strong way.
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.1.
GENRE: ACTION
TITLE: SUPER FAN
CONCEPT: An obsessed fan of a Superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and clashes with the superhero’s sidekick.2.
A superhero story from the point of view of a fan who gets to join this world.3.
I will target producers first because I think the concept and characters will appeal to them most. -
Amechi loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue
What I learned from doing this assignment is to make sure I find differing perspectives/objectives/realities/emotional states/philosophies/issues to create quality banter between two characters.
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.IEXT. STREET – NIGHT
Kanaan walks down the street. Rhapsody is waiting for him.RHAPSODY
So now that we’ve seen where each
other live…
He’s sad. Disappointed and it shows in his eyes.KANAAN
That wasn’t cool.RHAPSODY
What was our first meeting?KANAAN
That was completely different. I
was helping him. What’s this?
Surveillance?RHAPSODY
Okay… What are you going to do
about it?She squares up to him, waiting for him to respond. A pause,
then–KANAAN
Is it fair that you know all this
about me and I know nothing about
you? Was any of that real?
Rhapsody leaving.KANAAN (CONT’D)
I’d like you to stay away from my
family.RHAPSODY
So your family is off limits? What
about mine?KANAAN
Why are you like this? I’ve done
everything to be your friend.RHAPSODY
I didn’t ask for your friendship.
This was fun. Shame that this isn’t
going to work out. I liked them.Rhapsody hurries up as she goes. Kanaan stands there,
unhappy. -
Amechi’s Dialogue Structures
What I learned doing this assignment is that even if I think I have a good scene it can be rewritten to make the dialogue stand out more.
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films. -
Amechi’s Elevated Dialogue
What I learned doing this assignment is that I don’t have to have perfect dialogue right away, I just have to keep improving it as I refine the characters with each pass. The words of one can change the words and actions of another.
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.For my protagonist I rewrote 24 lines.
For my antagonist I rewrote 16
For my triangle character I rewrote 14
I also rewrote another 20 for others.I’m happy with this, but I feel like there’s still a lot of improvement I can make on the next few passes.
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Amechi’s Elevated Interest
What I learned doing this assignment is to remember to look for opportunities to make my scenes more interesting, and to find ways to link scenes with set ups and payoffs, suspense, and subtext pointers.
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.SCENE 1: Set up of Rhapsody being trapped in the alley. Payoff of her trapping her attackers in there instead.
SCENE 41: Mislead: Apex will let Kanaan stay. Reveal: He tells him to leave.
SCENE 72: Kanaan showing no fear.
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Amechi’s Elevated Emotion!
What I learned doing this assignment is to remember that there needs to be emotion at the heart of every scene I write. I have to intentionally intensify these as often as possible.
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.SCENE 1 Essence: Fear of Rhapsody.
How intensified: Leader is afraid once she traps him in the alley.SCENE 10 Essence: Rhapsody anger at Apex.
How intensified: Her anger in storming off and causing damage on her way.SCENE 13 Essence: Kanaan’s fear.
How Intensified: He is surrounded and beaten up.SCENE 18 Essence: Rhapsody sadness at Apex’s injury.
How Intensified: She cries over his unconscious body and swears revenge.SCENE 31 Essence: Kanaan embarrassed by his interview.
How Intensified: He stops the interviewer when she is praising his mother.SCENE 40 Essence: He is angry and sad at her for showing up at his house.
How intensified: He can’t speak to her and just looks away while she provokes him with jokes. -
Amechi’s Dramatic Reveals!
What I learned doing this assignment is to make sure there is a strong demand for the reveals in my script.
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.LIST OF REVEALS
– New Weapon can kill Apex
SET UP: Knives and guns are useless against him.
PAYOFF: He is shot with the new weapon and thinks it won’t hurt.
PAYOFF: AT END, KANAAN CATCHES A KNIFE IN HIS HAND.– Apex’s blood has given Kanaan strength.
SET UP: Blood disappears from Kanaan’s hands.
SET UP: Kanaan finds he is not hurt when Sensei beats him up.
SET UP: Kanaan
PAYOFF: KANAAN CATCHES A KNIFE IN HIS HAND.
PAYOFF: Rhapsody is angry that Kanaan has the power and she doesn’t.– Kanaan stole the missing explosives.
SET UP: Apex accuses Rhapsody of stealing the explosives.
Kanaan pretends not to know when Rhapsody accuses him but she doesn’t search him.
PAYOFF: She finds the explosives as he is blowing her up.– Kanaan is going to blow up Rhapsody
SET UP: Rhapsody threatens his life.
Rhapsody beats him up.
Rhapsody visits his family and threatens them too.
Kanaan is afraid of her.
Kanaan lets her get his address.
Rhapsody abandons him.
PAYOFF: She goes to the apartment and he blows her up.– Mars was an old cop and vigilante
Scene in the bar “A cop bar” and Kanaan sees the cop he dropped something off to.
Mars says he wishes he could fight again.
Mars warns Kanaan to stay away from this life as it is very dangerous.
PAYOFF: Mars fights and is killed.– Apex is addicted to drugs to fight his pain.
SET UP: He takes something to help him heal.
He sleeps a lot.
He looks a little stoned at one point.
PAYOFF: He needs special injections into his body, using a machine-syringe like the new guns and both are created by the scientist.– The mayor is a prisoner
SET UP: There is always security around her.
She used to praise Apex but becomes critical of him.
Her husband is also a prisoner.
PAYOFF: She is being held prisoner with the help of her husband. She kills the bodyguards assigned to her when she reveals that they are actually holding her prisoner.– Apex is a creation
SET UP: He has powers.
His birth and origins are unknown and there are rumors he is an alien.
The scientist has some kind of connection to him.
PAYOFF: Kanaan demands to know how the scientist knows Apex and he reveals he made him and can destroy him if he pleases.– Sensei is in charge of the gang that steals from everyone.
SET UP: He is empowering people to fight to protect themselves.
He is protective of his son and the world he is going to grow up in.
He floats the idea of Kanaan joining the group.
He is hyper critical of the Mayor and Superheroes protecting everyone.
PAYOFF: He is doing this to secure the city and world for his son to grow up in a better world. -
Amechi Loves Character Depth!
What I learned doing this assignment is that simple is sometimes better than complex.
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.I used this tool to simplify my protagonist’s story. There was a darker element that I had to cut, and one that I added, that made it more obvious that he was trying to hurt the antagonist near the end of act 2.
I also added a beat of my antagonist being happy with her ‘family’ earlier in the story that I think rounds her out a little better.
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Amechi’s Solved Scene Problems!
What I’ve learned from doing this assignment is to just keep improving and not worry about quality. I stalled a little bit by having too high expectations but refocused, empowered myself, and got through the assignment.
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.My main focus became 5. Scene accomplishes only one purpose and 8. Cliche scenes and action. My goal is to make sure I do that process over and over throughout to make sure I eliminate as many cliches as I can.
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Amechi is Cliché Busting!
What I learned from doing this assignment is clichés are hiding everywhere! Even though I tried to design this story to flip a lot of the usual things you’d normally see, I still ended up with lots of things I needed to change to be fresh.
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.LIST OF CHANGES
1. Stopping the bad guys before they even begin a robbery.
2. Superhero who is worshipped has become a superhero who is mostly hated for being outside the law.
3. Instead of living in a mansion, he lives and works beneath a homeless shelter/soup kitchen.
4. Instead of meeting for a drink, they meet at a soup kitchen to see and debate the worth of helping people.
5. Doug runs a secret group of vigilantes, not criminals.
6. Kanaan losing a fight to Doug instead of beating him when it seems like it’s time for him to.
7. Instead of Kanaan saving the Mayor, the Mayor uses Kanaan as a distraction to kill the men holding her hostage and then asks him to help save her family.
8. Instead of saving the Mayor’s husband, he dies, turning the Mayor against Kanaan and Apex.
9. Instead of just being a sidekick, Kanaan runs all aspects of Apex’s life. -
Amechi’s Solved Character Problems!
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.What I learned doing this assignment is
For this pass I focused on C, D, and F, and tried to elevate those as much as I could.
C. Protagonist Too Good or Antagonist Too Bad.
I lightened up a couple of scenes with my antagonist and gave her a couple of empathetic moments earlier in the story.
E. Characters not in action.
Converted a couple of talking heads scenes into stronger action scenes by adding an action that gave some conflict.
F. Protagonist journey not strong.
The course of the journey needed a few more testing points in the middle. There’s still some work to do there as I refine this.
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Amechi’s Structure Solutions!
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.What I learned from doing this assignment is to reevaluate the structure and the structure points after a first draft. There are opportunities to elevate, change, or modify to create a tighter or better story at this point.
I discovered that my midpoint is actually an earlier event that disrupts and changes the meaning of the story and applied changes there to make it stand out. The story is more balanced now.
I have also added a major scheme under the surface that has elevated a minor character who had a major philosophical disagreement with my protagonist, into a major role in the second half of the story.
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Amechi Has Finished Act 4!
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned doing this assignment is that Done is better than Perfect! Celebrate when you get to the end! It feels good to arrive here even though I know there’s lots of hard work ahead. -
Amechi Continues Act 4
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that finishing an early draft is never about perfection. There is always room for improvement. -
Amechi Started Act 4
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I need to get to the end of the path before I look back to see if I took the right steps to get here. I can adjust things from there. -
Amechi Finishing Act 3
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to remain committed to finishing the high speed draft, even if I am not loving my writing. 30% is the goal and that is great! -
Amechi Continuing Act 3
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to do the empowerment before I write. It really helped me today. -
Amechi Began Act 3
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.What I learned from doing this assignment is to not worry about solving problems but to keep moving forward. Just make notes about what needs to be fixed, but don’t do it now. Get to the end first.
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Amechi’s Completed Act 2
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.What I learned from doing this assignment is to remind myself to have low standards for a first draft even if the story is not making as much sense or feeling as tight as I want it to.
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Amechi Continuing Act 2
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.What I learned from doing this assignment is to forget about wordsmithing and perfection and keep moving forward!
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Amechi Began Act 2
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.What I learned from doing this assignment is using a timer is a great way to not slow down and get a draft of a scene completed that I can elevate later.
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Amechi’s Next Act 1 Scenes
What I learned from doing this assignment is that high speed writing makes this process move faster. I shouldn’t dwell on getting a scene perfect before I move on. That will slow me down and make later changes more difficult. Keep moving!
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Amechi’s Next Act 1 Scenes
What I learned from doing this assignment is that high speed writing makes this process move faster. I shouldn’t dwell on getting a scene perfect before I move on. That will slow me down and make later changes more difficult. Keep moving!
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Amechi’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1
What I learned from doing this assignment is to stay focused on the outline that I’ve built. It makes it easy, even though there are now obvious holes in what I have. I’ve just made a few notes for what I will fix later. -
Amechi’s High Speed Writing Rules
What I learned from doing this assignment is that it’s okay to write a low quality first draft of a scene. It feels a little strange but I can elevate it later.It went well. I did my best not to stall and keep moving forward but it’s very difficult not to correct typos.
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VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned from doing this assignment is following the outline is easy, and doing one scene felt like an easy task too.The process went well for me. Empowerment felt good. Breaking this into small chunks and not thinking about the entire story makes this feel less daunting.
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Amechi’s Emotional Moments
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned from doing this lesson is to build or enhance my emotional moments at this stage. I felt I was able to elevate some of the moments I already had, and also built in some scenes and moments where these emotions could hit.
ACT 1
Positive Emotions
• Surprise – Black Out is shot.
• Bonding – Urging Black Out to Survive in the car
• Excitement – Black Out arrives to save him.
• Courage – Helping Blackout from the car and into the house.
• Success/Winning –
• Love – He loves Black Out
Negative Emotions
• Wounds – Seeing Blackout Hurt
• Emotional Dilemma –
• Betrayal – Black Out stopping Rhapsody
• Moral issue – Should they kill people who try to kill them?
• Hidden weakness – Should Kanaan get up and fight to help Black Out or stay down? He is scared.
• Distress – Watching his hero maybe die
• Sacrifice – Throws himself into fight to save Black Out
ACT 2
Positive Emotions
• Surprise
• Bonding – Training with Mars
• Excitement – Going out with Rhapsody
• Courage – Joining the fight
• Success/Winning – Winning the fight with Rhapsody
• Love – A growing affection and respect with Rhapsody
Negative Emotions
• Wounds – Black Out’s physical wrecked body
• Emotional Dilemma
• Betrayal – Rhapsody followed him to his house
• Moral issue
• Hidden weakness – He’s fearful of losing, getting hurt
• Distress – At the table while his family talks badly about him
• Sacrifice
ACT 3
Positive Emotions
• Surprise
• Bonding – Rhapsody being complimentary to Kanaan about his family and asking him to go out to fight crime with her.
• Excitement – Kanaan and Rhapsody fighting together.
• Courage – Kanaan stepping to fight and confront the mayor
• Success/Winning – Kanaan winning the fight
• Love – Kanaan’s love for his family / His attraction to Rhapsody
Negative Emotions
• Wounds – Rhapsody is lonely. Her parents are dead and Black Out and Mars are the only ‘family’ she has left. / Kanaan tells Rhapsody to stay away from his family
• Emotional Dilemma – Rhapsody challenges Kanaan and asks him how much of himself he is willing to sacrifice for this life they lead.
• Betrayal – Rhapsody leaving Kanaan behind
• Moral issue – Mother feels responsible for Kanaan getting into trouble and says she should have done more to protect him.
• Hidden weakness – He is scared of dying, but stands up and faces it.
• Distress – Pain at Mars’s death
• Sacrifice –
ACT 4
Positive Emotions
• Surprise
• Bonding – Blackout and Kanaan
• Excitement – Fighting Rhapsody
• Courage – Fighting Rhapsody, getting back up.
• Success/Winning – Winning the fight against Rhapsody
• Love
Negative Emotions
• Wounds
• Emotional Dilemma – Who does Black Out side with?
• Betrayal – Black Out siding against Rhapsody
• Moral issue – Should Black Out stop Rhapsody from acting on his behalf? Is he responsible for her actions?
• Hidden weakness – Rhapsody taking advantage of Black Out’s injury / Kanaan being afraid of Rhapsody again.
• Distress
• Sacrifice
OUTLINE UPDATE
Beginning: Rhapsody in regular clothes, beats up a group of thugs who attack her and leaves them where they can be seen, then sits in an apartment that is decorated like a shrine to the superhero Black Star.
Beginning: Kanaan helps with a self-defense class but can’t defend himself or other people. He gets beaten up and just takes it.
Surface Layer: Kanaan is an awkward, afraid, and poor loner, who cleans toilets at a gym, doesn’t get paid, and can’t get a ride home that night.
Beginning: Rhapsody is Black Star’s loyal sidekick and protects him while they fight crime and protect the city. She goes too far in a fight and he has to stop her killing someone. After a heated argument about how to be a hero, he sends her home.
Betrayal – Black Out stopping Rhapsody
Moral issue – Should they kill people who try to kill them?
SET UP: The Mayor gives a speech about fear of crime in the city. There is a mural that says there is a hero in all of us, dedicated to the fallen superheroes.
Kanaan won’t take money from his parents or move back home.
Kanaan is followed down the street by a cop car. He doesn’t look at it. It speeds away. (His mother was spying on him.)
Inciting Incident: Kanaan is afraid of the city, a victim, oppressed. He is attacked while on his way home. Black Star is injured saving Kanaan and Kanaan saves his life. SET UP: Black Star is wounded by a super weapon.
Excitement – Black Out arrives to save him.
Negative Surprise – Black Out is shot.
Hidden weakness – Should Kanaan get up and fight to help Black Out or stay down? He is scared.
Sacrifice – Throws himself into fight to save Black Out, but too late, the bad guys have run away.
Wounds – Seeing Blackout Hurt
Black Star allows Kanaan to help him get home. Kanaan rides in Black Star’s car as it automatically drives them home.
Distress – Watching his hero maybe die
Bonding – Urging Black Out to Survive in the car
Love – He loves Black Out and doesn’t want him to die.
Courage – Helping Blackout from the car and into the house.
Kanaan meets Mars, Black Star’s helper and assistant and they carry him inside to give him treatment.
Kanaan is scared about what Black Star’s death could and wants to flee.
Rhapsody sees Kanaan in their home and attacks him to get the truth about what happened to Black Star. Kanaan tells her that he saved Black Star’s life and about the weapon and can identify the tattoos of the man who had it.
Rhapsody blames herself for not being there for Black Star and he agrees. Then she blames him for sending her home against her will. Rhapsody is concerned about presenting as a hero but she is deathly afraid of losing her status as Black Star’s sidekick.
Kanaan questions Mars as Mars walks him out. Mars pretends sincerity and concern. He also cuts people and himself down with witty and degrading remarks. He wishes he could be heroic, but is only a teacher now at his advanced age.
Turning Point 1: Kanaan asks if he can help Black Star as a reward for saving his life, and Black Star says Kanaan has earned Black Star’s trust and is allowed to be part of the investigation despite Rhapsody’s objection.
Turning Point 1: Rhapsody corners Kanaan in Black Star’s lair, turns out the lights on him, and asks him what he’s doing there. She realizes that Kanaan is a threat to her relationship with Black Star. He says he is just there to help them.
Act 2: Kanaan works with Black Star to investigate the mayor and tries to make friends with Rhapsody who resists and tries to push him out.
Kanaan leads Rhapsody back to where Black Star was injured and get into a fight with the same guys who are still in the area.
Excitement – Going out with Rhapsody
Hidden weakness – He’s fearful of losing, getting hurt
Courage – Joining the fight
Love – A growing affection and respect with Rhapsody when he sees her fight.
Success/Winning – Winning the fight with Rhapsody
Rhapsody and Kanaan catch the guy who shot Black Star, after Rhapsody uses Kanaan as bait. After he calls Black Star weak, Rhapsody violently kills him. Kanaan lets another guy go against her command. Rhapsody didn’t want any witnesses and is angry with him. Rhapsody brings one of the weapons home and steals the guy’s phone. Kanaan steals some explosives.
Turning Point 1: Black Star allows Kanaan to help him go after the guys who injured him. He wants to see lawbreakers punished, no matter how small.
Act 2: Black Star wakes up. He almost died. He allows Kanaan to help with the investigation and helps to train him to fight properly.
Wounds – Black Out’s physical wrecked body
Black Star’s mentor, Mars, trains Kanaan to fight properly and increases his confidence. Kanaan knows how to defend himself. He has just been faking that he can’t fight, or is it because he’s scared?
Bonding – Training with Mars
Rhapsody argues with Black Star about her role with him. She wants more autonomy and wants them to take off the limits of not killing since he almost died. A message must be sent. Black Star is a man of steel, cool, tough, ruthless, a great hero. / He is often a caricature of the hero, too big for a real person to live up to. He is holding Rhapsody back instead of helping her to grow.
Kanaan sees Black Star taking a powerful drug to help get over the pain of his injury. There has been more violence that night and the city needs him after his short absence.
Kanaan’s cleaning is important to the dojo. It has gone downhill without him. His friend criticizes Black Star. SET UP: Kanaan sees Black Star as a symbol of peace and safety.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Black Star is not liked by the people of the city, but Kanaan convinces him to keep fighting for them.
Act 2: Rhapsody works to prove that Kanaan cannot help them and tries to pressure him to leave them alone. She investigates his life but can’t figure out where he lives. She tries to find out in sneaky ways but he is very secretive and she can’t keep up when following him.
Kanaan steals the phone from Rhapsody and heads out to find out who the guy’s bosses were. Mars follows him.
Mars and Kanaan hang out together. Mars used to fight crime but he got old and slow and can’t do what he used to. He wishes he still could, his mind is still sharp and he misses it. It’s like a drug. Kanaan wants to be a hero, but must get over his guilt. He presents as a helper, but his ideas and actions often get in the way.
Kanaan discovers that the man knows someone who works for the Mayor. While waiting for his interview, He makes his rival for the job put back the extra free water bottle they take. Black Star is hesitant to go after the Mayor who he thinks is doing a great job trying to make the city safer.
Influences Surface Story: Kanaan is able to get a job with the Mayor.
Hidden weakness – He’s fearful of messing up the interview, but stands up for himself.
Kanaan joins the Mayor’s street team for one of his charities to get information on who in his administration is working with the criminals to deal weapons. Eavesdrops on a conversation that concerns the Mayor.
Rhapsody is unhappy when Black Star takes credit for her work and releases a story to the media about the weapon she recovered. This is a pattern of behavior with him that she hates.
SET UP: The weapons have been brought in by a criminal gang. Mars and Kanaan discover.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Rhapsody presents what she’s founds to Black Star, who rejects her evidence because it is redacted and she can’t prove anything. She follows Kanaan to his parents’ house and has dinner with his family, getting more intel on him.
Rhapsody warns Kanaan that he cannot be one of them. She’s skeptical of his intentions.
Kanaan returns to the gym and is a better fighter. He takes on his old friend in a fight and beats him easily, showing he’s been learning this whole time where he was just taking beatings in fights. He is becoming darker and angrier.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Black Star’s mentor is killed and Kanaan takes over his responsibilities, despite Rhapsody’s protests.
Act 3: Kanaan and Rhapsody break in to the Mayor’s penthouse to steal his computer but Rhapsody leaves Kanaan behind. He has to stand up for himself and fight his way out and makes a deal with the Mayor to be let go.
Black Star is crushed by the death of his mentor and turns to more drugs to take his mind off of it. Kanaan subtly blames Rhapsody who is furious with him. Kanaan stays to comfort Black Star and Rhapsody leaves.
Black Star tells Kanaan to go home, he will be okay and doesn’t want to be a burden on Kaanan’s life. Kanaan says he will do whatever Black Star needs him to do.
Kanaan goes to have dinner with his family and Rhapsody follows him and crashes the party. Rhapsody reveals that she had issues with her parents who are both dead now, but is that even true?
Betrayal – Rhapsody followed him to his house
Kanaan tries to get Rhapsody to leave but she pretends that the two of them are in a relationship, getting close to his family in the process. Rhapsody learns the neighborhood that Kanaan lives in by questioning his mother.
Kanaan tries to get Rhapsody to confess things about herself to his parents but she is just making things up.
SET UP: Kanaan’s mom says he always wanted to do more and she’s sad to see him failing at life.
Rhapsody talks to Kanaan’s mother and finds out about his arrest and legal trouble as a young person. While she’s doing this, she misses meeting up with Black Star who has been calling her.
Kanaan tells his mother that she doesn’t have to worry about him. He’s almost got his dream job.
Act 3: Rhapsody lets her investigation of Kanaan get in the way of helping Black Star get the weapons off the street. She has a big fight with Blackout who is convinced that she is working against him, so she goes to get definitive proof that Kanaan has bad intentions and finds his apartment.
Love – Kanaan’s love for his family / His attraction to Rhapsody
Rhapsody gets Kanaan to admit his criminal past in front of his family. They know about it, but it’s painful for him to relive it.
Moral issue – Mother feels responsible for Kanaan getting into trouble and says she should have done more to protect him.
Distress – At the table while his family talks badly about him
Wounds – Rhapsody is lonely. Her parents are dead and Black Out and Mars are the only ‘family’ she has left. / Kanaan tells Rhapsody to stay away from his family
Rhapsody tells Kanaan that she’s going to tell Black Star what he confessed to. Kanaan is sad but wants to keep working with them. He needs that purpose in his life.
Emotional Dilemma – Rhapsody challenges Kanaan and asks him how much of himself he is willing to sacrifice for this life they lead.
Bonding – Rhapsody being complimentary to Kanaan about his family and asking him to go out to fight crime with her.
Mars passes on a message from Black Star to Rhapsody because she isn’t answering him. She tells him that she has to go to school like they both wanted for her. He accepts her answer but she won’t say how school is going.
Mars agrees to do something for Black Star because Rhapsody is missing, at dinner with Kanaan’s family. Mars is killed being a hero one final time.
Distress – Pain at Mars’s death
Kanaan returns to the gym. This time he fights back against his old friend, standing up for Superheroes and Black Star’s reputation, injuring the student who has been beating him up, and then taking down his friend who is teaching the class.
SET UP: The criminal gang have ties to the Mayor.
Rhapsody apologizes to Kanaan and invites her along to steal proof of the Mayor’s misdeeds. He accepts and goes along.
Rhapsody takes Kanaan to the Mayor’s penthouse. He tries to bond with her. She leaves him behind and he is almost killed by security. Kanaan is forced to stand up for himself and fight the Mayor’s bodyguards.
Excitement – Kanaan and Rhapsody fighting together.
Betrayal – Rhapsody leaving Kanaan behind
Hidden weakness – He is scared of dying, but stands up and faces it.
Courage – Kanaan stepping up to fight and confront the mayor
Success/Winning – Kanaan winning the fight
SET UP: But work exclusively with the Mayor’s Aide. The Mayor knew nothing about it.
REVEAL: The Mayor’s Aide is undermining safety in the city.
Rhapsody has Kanaan’s address and goes to his apartment. She confronts the guys in the street who she beats up in the opening scene.
Rhapsody explores Kanaan’s apartment and sees he has an unhealthy obsession with Black Star. Kanaan’s apartment explodes while Rhapsody is inside.
Kanaan thinks Rhapsody is dead. He goes to meet Black Star and tells him that he doesn’t know where Rhapsody is, although he suspects that she is dead. He has no apartment to go to so Black Star lets him stay.
Turning Point 3: Rhapsody goes to Kanaan’s apartment (the apartment from the opening scene), which is blown up. Rhapsody survives the murder attempt and goes after Kanaan, who she believes set her up to die.
Hints: Kanaan escaping the Mayor’s penthouse after investigating and talking to the Mayor. Their ideologies lining up near the end.
Changes Reality: They were manipulating Black Star. Can they work together and be allies?
Influences Surface Story: Kanaan survives Rhapsody leaving him to die.
Act 3: Black Star has had many sidekicks, and has a shrine where he keeps things that remind him of them. Black Star thinks about giving up. Kanaan talks him into continuing.
Kanaan thinks Rhapsody is dead. He goes to meet Black Star and tells him that he doesn’t know where Rhapsody is, although he suspects that she is dead. He has no apartment to go to so Black Star lets him stay.
Rhapsody tells Kanaan that she is coming to kill him.
Turning Point 3: Black Star reveals his identity to Kanaan.
Turning Point 3: Kanaan thinks he is Black Star’s sidekick now, but Rhapsody is alive and coming after Kanaan.
Black Star confronts the Mayor. His aide must go to jail for what he’s done. This was the Mayor’s doing. Black Star kills her assistant, breaking his no death rule. He says that the City needs the Mayor for now and to consider this a warning. The Mayor says that Black Star needs to discipline Rhapsody in return for what she has done.
Should Black Out stop Rhapsody from acting on his behalf? Is he responsible for her actions?
Rhapsody is furious when she sees Kanaan in a superhero costume similar to hers.
Act 4 Climax: Kanaan denies having anything to do with Rhapsody’s near death and fights Rhapsody.
Act 4 Climax: Black Star and Kanaan fight Rhapsody. Rhapsody shoots Black Star with the weapon, stunning him, nearly killing him, and Kanaan has to step back into the fight to save him.
Emotional Dilemma – Who does Black Out side with?
Rhapsody fights Kanaan. He criticizes himself and his past, but wonders if punishing himself forever is the right path.
Act 4 Climax: Rhapsody fights Kanaan, but Black Star intervenes on Kanaan’s side.
Betrayal – Black Out siding against Rhapsody
Courage – Fighting Rhapsody, getting back up.
Rhapsody takes advantage, hitting him on his wound. Kanaan has to fight her alone again. He knocks Rhapsody into the river, leaving her seemingly dead.
Success/Winning – Winning the fight against Rhapsody
Hidden weakness – Rhapsody taking advantage of Black Out’s injury / Kanaan being afraid of Rhapsody again.
Resolution: Black Star adds Rhapsody’s mask to his shrine, and appoints Kanaan as his new sidekick.
Resolution: Kanaan is Black Star’s new sidekick and they protect the city together.
Resolution: Rhapsody survives. She has been rescued by the mayor and is turned against Black Star and the city and wants to see both suffer.
Deeper Layer: Kanaan is working with the Mayor to get Black Star to go after organized criminals that are ruining his reelection campaign.
Major Reveal: At the end, Kanaan talks with the Mayor and reveals that their plan has worked.
Bonding – Blackout and Kanaan
Resolution: Kanaan is now Blackout’s sidekick and helper. Rhapsody has survived, but joins the criminals to cause chaos in the city as revenge against Blackout and Kanaan who are now a crime fighting team. Kanaan meets with his family and says he is making a difference now. A criminal gang is harassing a woman. Kanaan, in his superhero costume steps in to save her.
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Amechi’s Reveals!
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned from doing this lesson is I have most of this already and it was a good way to make sure I’m connecting the dots and setting things up properly.
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Amechi’s Character Action Tracks!
MY VISION
I am going to be a top 1% action/comedy writer in the industry who writes major action films.What I learned doing this assignment is filling my script with character actions before doing any dialogue will create a stronger character that will show up in unique ways.
UPDATED OUTLINE
Beginning: Rhapsody in regular clothes, beats up a group of thugs who attack her and leaves them where they can be seen, then sits in an apartment that is decorated like a shrine to the superhero Black Star.
Beginning: Kanaan helps with a self-defense class but can’t defend himself or other people.
Surface Layer: Kanaan is an awkward, afraid, and poor loner, who cleans toilets at a gym, doesn’t get paid, and can’t get a ride home that night.
Beginning: Rhapsody is Black Star’s loyal sidekick and protects him while they fight crime and protect the city. She goes too far in a fight and he has to stop her killing someone. After a heated argument about how to be a hero, he sends her home.
Kanaan is followed down the street by a cop car. He doesn’t look at it. It speeds away. (His mother was spying on him.)
Inciting Incident: Kanaan is afraid of the city, a victim, oppressed. He is attacked while on his way home. Black Star is injured saving Kanaan and Kanaan saves his life.
Black Star allows Kanaan to help him get home. Kanaan rides in Black Star’s car as it automatically drives them home.
Kanaan meets Mars, Black Star’s helper and assistant and they carry him inside to give him treatment.
Kanaan is scared about what Black Star’s death could and wants to flee.
Rhapsody sees Kanaan in their home and attacks him to get the truth about what happened to Black Star. Kanaan tells her that he saved Black Star’s life and about the weapon and can identify the tattoos of the man who had it.
Rhapsody blames herself for not being there for Black Star and he agrees. Then she blames him for sending her home against her will. Rhapsody is concerned about presenting as a hero but she is deathly afraid of losing her status as Black Star’s sidekick.
Kanaan questions Mars as Mars walks him out. Mars pretends sincerity and concern. He also cuts people and himself down with witty and degrading remarks. He wishes he could be heroic, but is only a teacher now at his advanced age.
Turning Point 1: Kanaan asks if he can help Black Star as a reward for saving his life, and Black Star says Kanaan has earned Black Star’s trust and is allowed to be part of the investigation despite Rhapsody’s objection.
Turning Point 1: Rhapsody corners Kanaan in Black Star’s lair, turns out the lights on him, and asks him what he’s doing there. She realizes that Kanaan is a threat to her relationship with Black Star. He says he is just there to help them.
Act 2: Kanaan works with Black Star to investigate the mayor and tries to make friends with Rhapsody who resists and tries to push him out.
Kanaan leads Rhapsody back to where Black Star was injured and get into a fight with the same guys who are still in the area.
Rhapsody and Kanaan catch the guy who shot Black Star, after Rhapsody uses Kanaan as bait. After he calls Black Star weak, Rhapsody violently kills him. Kanaan lets another guy go against her command. Rhapsody didn’t want any witnesses and is angry with him. Rhapsody brings one of the weapons home and steals the guy’s phone. Kanaan steals some explosives.
Turning Point 1: Black Star allows Kanaan to help him go after the guys who injured him. He wants to see lawbreakers punished, no matter how small.
Act 2: Black Star wakes up. He almost died. He allows Kanaan to help with the investigation and helps to train him to fight properly.
Black Star’s mentor, Mars, trains Kanaan to fight properly and increases his confidence.
Rhapsody argues with Black Star about her role with him. She wants more autonomy and wants them to take off the limits of not killing since he almost died. A message must be sent. Black Star is a man of steel, cool, tough, ruthless, a great hero. / He is often a caricature of the hero, too big for a real person to live up to. He is holding Rhapsody back instead of helping her to grow.
Kanaan sees Black Star taking a powerful drug to help get over the pain of his injury. There has been more violence that night and the city needs him after his short absence.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Black Star is not liked by the people of the city, but Kanaan convinces him to keep fighting for them.
Act 2: Rhapsody works to prove that Kanaan cannot help them and tries to pressure him to leave them alone. She investigates his life but can’t figure out where he lives. She tries to find out in sneaky ways but he is very secretive and she can’t keep up when following him.
Kanaan steals the phone from Rhapsody and heads out to find out who the guy’s bosses were. Mars follows him.
Mars and Kanaan hang out together. Mars used to fight crime but he got old and slow and can’t do what he used to. He wishes he still could, his mind is still sharp and he misses it. It’s like a drug. Kanaan wants to be a hero, but must get over his guilt. He presents as a helper, but his ideas and actions often get in the way.
Kanaan discovers that the man knows someone who works for the Mayor. While waiting for his interview, He makes his rival for the job put back the extra free water bottle they take. Black Star is hesitant to go after the Mayor who he thinks is doing a great job trying to make the city safer.
Influences Surface Story: Kanaan is able to get a job with the Mayor.
Kanaan joins the Mayor’s street team for one of his charities to get information on who in his administration is working with the criminals to deal weapons. Eavesdrops on a conversation that concerns the Mayor.
Rhapsody is unhappy when Black Star takes credit for her work and releases a story to the media about the weapon she recovered. This is a pattern of behavior with him that she hates.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Rhapsody presents what she’s founds to Black Star, who rejects her evidence because it is redacted and she can’t prove anything. She follows Kanaan to his parents’ house and has dinner with his family, getting more intel on him.
Rhapsody warns Kanaan that he cannot be one of them. She’s skeptical of his intentions.
Kanaan returns to the gym and is a better fighter. He takes on his old friend in a fight and beats him easily, showing he’s been learning this whole time where he was just taking beatings in fights. He is becoming darker and angrier.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Black Star’s mentor is killed and Kanaan takes over his responsibilities, despite Rhapsody’s protests.
Act 3: Kanaan and Rhapsody break in to the Mayor’s penthouse to steal his computer but Rhapsody leaves Kanaan behind. He has to stand up for himself and fight his way out and makes a deal with the Mayor to be let go.
Black Star is crushed by the death of his mentor and turns to more drugs to take his mind off of it. Kanaan subtly blames Rhapsody who is furious with him. Kanaan stays to comfort Black Star and Rhapsody leaves.
Black Star tells Kanaan to go home, he will be okay and doesn’t want to be a burden on Kaanan’s life. Kanaan says he will do whatever Black Star needs him to do.
Kanaan goes to have dinner with his family and Rhapsody follows him and crashes the party. Rhapsody reveals that she had issues with her parents who are both dead now, but is that even true?
Kanaan tries to get Rhapsody to leave but she pretends that the two of them are in a relationship, getting close to his family in the process. Rhapsody learns the neighborhood that Kanaan lives in by questioning his mother.
Kanaan tries to get Rhapsody to confess things about herself to his parents but she is just making things up.
Rhapsody talks to Kanaan’s mother and finds out about his arrest and legal trouble as a young person. While she’s doing this, she misses meeting up with Black Star who has been calling her.
Kanaan tells his mother that she doesn’t have to worry about him. He’s almost got his dream job.
Act 3: Rhapsody lets her investigation of Kanaan get in the way of helping Black Star get the weapons off the street. She has a big fight with Blackout who is convinced that she is working against him, so she goes to get definitive proof that Kanaan has bad intentions and finds his apartment.
Rhapsody gets Kanaan to admit his criminal past in front of his family. They know about it, but it’s painful for him to relive it.
Rhapsody tells Kanaan that she’s going to tell Black Star what he confessed to. Kanaan is sad but wants to keep working with them. He needs that purpose in his life.
Mars passes on a message from Black Star to Rhapsody because she isn’t answering him. She tells him that she has to go to school like they both wanted for her. He accepts her answer but she won’t say how school is going.
Mars agrees to do something for Black Star because Rhapsody is missing, at dinner with Kanaan’s family. Mars is killed being a hero one final time.
Kanaan returns to the gym. This time he fights back, injuring the student who has been beating him up, and then taking down his friend who is teaching the class.
Rhapsody apologizes to Kanaan and invites her along to steal proof of the Mayor’s misdeeds. He accepts and goes along.
Rhapsody takes Kanaan to the Mayor’s penthouse. He tries to bond with her. She leaves him behind and he is almost killed by security.
Rhapsody has Kanaan’s address and goes to his apartment. She confronts the guys in the street who she beats up in the opening scene.
Rhapsody explores Kanaan’s apartment and sees he has an unhealthy obsession with Black Star. Kanaan’s apartment explodes while Rhapsody is inside.
Kanaan thinks Rhapsody is dead. He goes to meet Black Star and tells him that he doesn’t know where Rhapsody is, although he suspects that she is dead. He has no apartment to go to so Black Star lets him stay.
Turning Point 3: Rhapsody goes to Kanaan’s apartment (the apartment from the opening scene), which is blown up. Rhapsody survives the murder attempt and goes after Kanaan, who she believes set her up to die.
Hints: Kanaan escaping the Mayor’s penthouse after investigating and talking to the Mayor. Their ideologies lining up near the end.Changes Reality: They were manipulating Black Star. Can they work together and be allies?
Influences Surface Story: Kanaan survives Rhapsody leaving him to die.
Act 3: Black Star has had many sidekicks, and has a shrine where he keeps things that remind him of them. Black Star thinks about giving up. Kanaan talks him into continuing.
Kanaan thinks Rhapsody is dead. He goes to meet Black Star and tells him that he doesn’t know where Rhapsody is, although he suspects that she is dead. He has no apartment to go to so Black Star lets him stay.
Rhapsody tells Kanaan that she is coming to kill him.
Turning Point 3: Black Star reveals his identity to Kanaan.
Turning Point 3: Kanaan thinks he is Black Star’s sidekick now, but Rhapsody is alive and coming after Kanaan.
Black Star confronts the Mayor. His aide must go to jail for what he’s done. This was the Mayor’s doing. Black Star kills her assistant, breaking his no death rule. He says that the City needs the Mayor for now and to consider this a warning. The Mayor says that Black Star needs to discipline Rhapsody in return for what she has done.
Rhapsody is furious when she sees Kanaan in a superhero costume similar to hers.
Act 4 Climax: Kanaan denies having anything to do with Rhapsody’s near death and fights Rhapsody.
Act 4 Climax: Black Star and Kanaan fight Rhapsody. Rhapsody shoots Black Star with the weapon, stunning him, nearly killing him, and Kanaan has to step back into the fight to save him.
Rhapsody fights Kanaan. He criticizes himself and his past, but wonders if punishing himself forever is the right path.
Act 4 Climax: Rhapsody fights Kanaan, but Black Star intervenes on Kanaan’s side. Rhapsody takes advantage, hitting him on his wound. Kanaan has to fight her alone again. He knocks Rhapsody into the river, leaving her seemingly dead.
Resolution: Black Star adds Rhapsody’s mask to his shrine, and appoints Kanaan as his new sidekick.
Resolution: Kanaan is Black Star’s new sidekick and they protect the city together.
Resolution: Rhapsody survives. She has been rescued by the mayor and is turned against Black Star and the city and wants to see both suffer.
Deeper Layer: Kanaan is working with the Mayor to get Black Star to go after organized criminals that are ruining his reelection campaign.
Major Reveal: At the end, Kanaan talks with the Mayor and reveals that their plan has worked.
Resolution: Kanaan is now Blackout’s sidekick and helper. Rhapsody has survived, but joins the criminals to cause chaos in the city as revenge against Blackout and Kanaan who are now a crime fighting team. Kanaan meets with his family and says he is making a difference now. A criminal gang is harassing a woman. Kanaan, in his superhero costume steps in to save her.
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AMECHI’S NEW OUTLINE BEATS!
MY VISION
I am going to be a top 1% action/comedy writer in the industry who writes major action films.What I learned doing this assignment is the different techniques to properly flesh out my outline, going forwards and backwards.
Beginning: Rhapsody beats up a group of thugs who attack her and sits in an apartment that is decorated like a shrine to the superhero Black Star.
Beginning: Kanaan helps with a self-defense class but can’t defend himself or other people.
Surface Layer: Kanaan is an awkward, afraid, and poor loner, who cleans toilets at a gym and can’t get a ride home that night.
Beginning: Rhapsody is Black Star’s loyal sidekick and protects him while they fight crime and protect the city. She goes too far in a fight and after a heated argument about how to be a hero, he sends her home.
Kanaan is followed down the street by a cop car. He doesn’t look at it. It speeds away. (His mother was spying on him.)
Inciting Incident: Kanaan is afraid of the city, a victim, oppressed. He is attacked while on his way home. Black Star is injured saving Kanaan and Kanaan saves his life.
Inciting Incident: Black Star is injured helping Kanaan and allows Kanaan to help him get home.
Kanaan meets Mars, Black Star’s helper and assistant and they carry him inside to give him treatment.
Rhapsody sees Kanaan in their home and attacks him to get the truth about what happened to Black Star. Kanaan tells her about the weapon and can identify the tattoos of the man who had it.
Rhapsody blames herself for not being there for Black Star and he agrees. Rhapsody is concerned about presenting as a hero but she is deathly afraid of losing her status as Black Star’s sidekick.
Mars pretends sincerity and concern. He also cuts people and himself down with witty and degrading remarks. He wishes he could be heroic, but is only a teacher now at his advanced age.
Turning Point 1: Kanaan asks if he can help Black Star as a reward for saving his life, and Black Star says Kanaan has earned Black Star’s trust and is allowed to be part of the investigation despite Rhapsody’s objection.
Turning Point 1: Rhapsody corners Kanaan in Black Star’s lair and asks him what he’s doing there. She realizes that Kanaan is a threat to her relationship with Black Star. He says he is just there to help them.
Act 2: Kanaan works with Black Star to investigate the mayor and tries to make friends with Rhapsody who resists and tries to push him out.
Kanaan and Rhapsody go back to where Black Star was injured and get into a fight with the same guys who are still in the area.
Rhapsody and Kanaan catch the guy who shot Black Star. After he calls Black Star weak, Rhapsody violently kills him. Kanaan lets another guy go against her command. Rhapsody didn’t want any witnesses and is angry with him. Rhapsody brings one of the weapons home and steals the guy’s phone. Kanaan steals some explosives.
Turning Point 1: Black Star allows Kanaan to help him go after the guys who injured him.
Act 2: Black Star wakes up. He almost died. He allows Kanaan to help with the investigation and helps to train him to fight properly.
Black Star’s mentor trains Kanaan to fight properly and increases his confidence.
Rhapsody argues with Black Star about her role with him. Black Star is a man of steel, cool, tough, ruthless, a great hero. / He is often a caricature of the hero, too big for a real person to live up to. He is holding Rhapsody back instead of helping her to grow.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Black Star is not liked by the people of the city, but Kanaan convinces him to keep fighting for them.
Act 2: Rhapsody works to prove that Kanaan cannot help them and tries to pressure him to leave them alone. She investigates his life but can’t figure out where he lives.
Kanaan steals the phone from Rhapsody and heads out to find out who the guy’s bosses were. Mars follows him.
Mars and Kanaan hang out together. Kanaan wants to be a hero, but must get over his guilt. He presents as a helper, but his ideas and actions often get in the way.
Kanaan discovers that the man knows someone who works for the Mayor.
Influences Surface Story: Kanaan is able to get a job with the Mayor.
Kanaan joins the Mayor’s street team for one of his charities to get information on who in his administration is working with the criminals to deal weapons.
Rhapsody is unhappy when Black Star takes credit for her work and releases a story to the media about the weapon she recovered. This is a pattern of behavior with him that she hates.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Rhapsody presents what she’s founds to Black Star, who rejects her evidence because it is redacted and she can’t prove anything. She follows Kanaan to his parents’ house and has dinner with his family, getting more intel on him.
Rhapsody warns Kanaan that he cannot be one of them. She’s skeptical of his intentions.
Kanaan returns to the gym and is a better fighter. He takes on his old friend in a fight and beats him easily, showing he’s been learning this whole time where he was just taking beatings in fights. He is becoming darker and angrier.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Black Star’s mentor is killed and Kanaan takes over his responsibilities, despite Rhapsody’s protests.
Act 3: Kanaan and Rhapsody break in to the Mayor’s penthouse to steal his computer but Rhapsody leaves Kanaan behind. He has to stand up for himself and fight his way out and makes a deal with the Mayor to be let go.
Black Star is crushed by the death of his mentor. Kanaan stays to comfort him and Rhapsody leaves.
Kanaan goes to have dinner with his family and Rhapsody follows him and crashes the party.
Kanaan tries to get Rhapsody to leave but she pretends that the two of them are in a relationship, getting close to his family in the process. Rhapsody learns the neighborhood that Kanaan lives in by questioning his mother.
Rhapsody talks to Kanaan’s mother and finds out about his arrest and legal trouble as a young person. While she’s doing this, she misses meeting up with Black Star who has been calling her.
Kanaan tells his mother that she doesn’t have to worry about him. He’s almost got his dream job.
Act 3: Rhapsody lets her investigation of Kanaan get in the way of helping Black Star get the weapons off the street. She has a big fight with Blackout who is convinced that she is working against him, so she goes to get definitive proof that Kanaan has bad intentions and finds his apartment.
Rhapsody gets Kanaan to admit his criminal past in front of his family. They know about it, but it’s painful for him to relive it.
Rhapsody tells Kanaan that she’s going to tell Black Star what he confessed to. Kanaan is sad but wants to keep working with them. He needs that purpose in his life.
Mars agrees to do something for Black Star because Rhapsody is missing, at dinner with Kanaan’s family.
Mars is killed being a hero one final time.Kanaan returns to the gym. This time he fights back, injuring the student who has been beating him up, and then taking down his friend who is teaching the class.
Rhapsody apologizes to Kanaan and invites her along to steal proof of the Mayor’s misdeeds. He accepts and goes along.
Rhapsody takes Kanaan to the Mayor’s penthouse. He tries to bond with her. She leaves him behind and he is almost killed by security.
Rhapsody has Kanaan’s address and goes to his apartment. She confronts the guys in the street who she beats up in the opening scene.
Rhapsody explores Kanaan’s apartment and sees he has an unhealthy obsession with Black Star. Kanaan’s apartment explodes while Rhapsody is inside.
Kanaan thinks Rhapsody is dead. He goes to meet Black Star and tells him that he doesn’t know where Rhapsody is, although he suspects that she is dead. He has no apartment to go to so Black Star lets him stay.
Rhapsody tells Kanaan that she is coming to kill him.
Turning Point 3: Rhapsody goes to Kanaan’s apartment (the apartment from the opening scene), which is blown up. Rhapsody survives the murder attempt and goes after Kanaan, who she believes set her up to die.
Hints: Kanaan escaping the Mayor’s penthouse after investigating and talking to the Mayor. Their ideologies lining up near the end.Changes Reality: They were manipulating Black Star. Can they work together and be allies?
Influences Surface Story: Kanaan survives Rhapsody leaving him to die.
Act 3: Black Star has had many sidekicks, and has a shrine where he keeps things that remind him of them. Black Star thinks about giving up. Kanaan talks him into continuing.
Kanaan thinks Rhapsody is dead. He goes to meet Black Star and tells him that he doesn’t know where Rhapsody is, although he suspects that she is dead. He has no apartment to go to so Black Star lets him stay.
Rhapsody tells Kanaan that she is coming to kill him.
Turning Point 3: Black Star reveals his identity to Kanaan.
Turning Point 3: Kanaan thinks he is Black Star’s sidekick now, but Rhapsody is alive and coming after Kanaan.
Black Star confronts the Mayor. His aide must go to jail for what he’s done. The Mayor says that Black Star needs to discipline Rhapsody in return for what she has done.
Rhapsody is furious when she sees Kanaan in a superhero costume similar to hers.
Act 4 Climax: Kanaan denies having anything to do with Rhapsody’s near death and fights Rhapsody.
Act 4 Climax: Black Star and Kanaan fight Rhapsody. Rhapsody shoots Black Star with the weapon, stunning him.
Rhapsody fights Kanaan. He criticizes himself and his past, but wonders if punishing himself forever is the right path.
Act 4 Climax: Rhapsody fights Kanaan, but Black Star intervenes Rhapsody is knocked into the river, seemingly dead.
Resolution: Black Star adds Rhapsody’s mask to his shrine, and appoints Kanaan as his new sidekick.
Resolution: Kanaan is Black Star’s new sidekick and they protect the city together.
Resolution: Rhapsody survives. She has been rescued by the mayor and is turned against Black Star and the city and wants to see both suffer.
Deeper Layer: Kanaan is working with the Mayor to get Black Star to go after organized criminals that are ruining his reelection campaign.
Major Reveal: At the end, Kanaan talks with the Mayor and reveals that their plan has worked.
Resolution: Kanaan is now Blackout’s sidekick and helper. Rhapsody has survived, but joins the criminals to cause chaos in the city as revenge against Blackout and Kanaan who are now a crime fighting team. Kanaan meets with his family and says he is making a difference now. A criminal gang is harassing a woman. Kanaan, in his superhero costume steps in to save her.
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Amechi’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1
MY VISION
I am going to be a top 1% action/comedy writer in the industry who writes major action films.* Beginning: Rhapsody beats up a group of thugs who attack her and sits in an apartment that is decorated like a shrine to the superhero Black Star.
• Beginning: Kanaan helps with a self-defense class but can’t defend himself or other people.
• Surface Layer: Kanaan is an awkward, afraid, and poor loner, who cleans toilets at a gym and can’t get a ride home that night.
• Beginning: Rhapsody is Black Star’s loyal sidekick and protects him while they fight crime and protect the city. She goes too far in a fight and he sends her home.
• Inciting Incident: Rhapsody is responsible when Black Star is injured and left behind while Kanaan gets Black Star to safety.
• Inciting Incident: Kanaan is afraid of the city, a victim, oppressed. He is attacked while on his way home. Black Star is injured saving Kanaan and Kanaan saves his life before Rhapsody can intervene.
• Inciting Incident: Black Star is injured helping Kanaan and allows Kanaan to help him get home.
• Turning Point 1: Kanaan asks if he can help Black Star as a reward for saving his life, and Black Star says Kanaan has earned Black Star’s trust and is allowed to be part of the investigation despite Rhapsody’s objection.
• Turning Point 1: Rhapsody corners Kanaan in Black Star’s lair and asks him what he’s doing there. She realizes that Kanaan is a threat to her relationship with Black Star. He says he is just there to help them.• Act 2: Kanaan works with Black Star to investigate the mayor and tries to make friends with Rhapsody who resists and tries to push him out.
• Kanaan and Rhapsody go back to where Black Star was injured and get into a fight with the same guys who are still in the area. Rhapsody brings one of the weapons home. Kanaan steals some explosives.
• Turning Point 1: Black Star allows Kanaan to help him go after the guys who injured him.
• Act 2: Black Star wakes up. He almost died. He allows Kanaan to help with the investigation and helps to train him to fight properly.
• Black Star’s mentor trains Kanaan to fight properly and increases his confidence.
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Black Star is not liked by the people of the city, but Kanaan convinces him to keep fighting for them.
• Act 2: Rhapsody works to prove that Kanaan cannot help them and tries to pressure him to leave them alone. She investigates his life but can’t figure out where he lives.
• Influences Surface Story: Kanaan is able to get a job with the Mayor.
• Rhapsody is unhappy when Black Star takes credit for her work and releases a story to the media about the weapon she recovered. This is a pattern of behavior with him that she hates.• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Rhapsody presents what she’s founds to Blackout, who rejects her evidence because it is redacted and she can’t prove anything. She follows Kanaan to his parents’ house and has dinner with his family, getting more intel on him.
• Kanaan returns to the gym and is a better fighter. He takes on his old friend in a fight and beats him easily, showing he’s been learning this whole time where he was just taking beatings in fights.
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Black Star’s mentor is killed and Kanaan takes over his responsibilities, despite Rhapsody’s protests.
• Act 3: Kanaan and Rhapsody break in to the Mayor’s penthouse to steal his computer but Rhapsody leaves Kanaan behind. He has to stand up for himself and fight his way out and makes a deal with the Mayor to be let go.
• Black Star is crushed by the death of his mentor. Kanaan stays to comfort him and Rhapsody leaves.
• Rhapsody talks to Kanaan’s mother and finds out about his arrest and legal trouble as a young person. While she’s doing this, she misses meeting up with Black Star who has been calling her.
• Act 3: Rhapsody lets her investigation of Kanaan get in the way of helping Black Star get the weapons off the street. She has a big fight with Blackout who is convinced that she is working against him, so she goes to get definitive proof that Kanaan has bad intentions and finds his apartment.
• Turning Point 3: Rhapsody goes to Kanaan’s apartment (the apartment from the opening scene), which is blown up. Rhapsody survives the murder attempt and goes after Kanaan, who she believes set her up to die.
Hints: Kanaan escaping the Mayor’s penthouse after investigating and talking to the Mayor. Their ideologies lining up near the end.
• Changes Reality: They were manipulating Black Star. Can they work together and be allies?• Influences Surface Story: Kanaan survives Rhapsody leaving him to die.
• Act 3: Black Star has had many sidekicks, and has a shrine where he keeps things that remind him of them. Black Star thinks about giving up. Kanaan talks him into continuing.
• Turning Point 3: Black Star reveals his identity to Kanaan.
• Turning Point 3: Kanaan thinks he is Black Star’s sidekick now, but Rhapsody is alive and coming after Kanaan.
• Act 4 Climax: Kanaan denies having anything to do with Rhapsody’s near death and fights Rhapsody.
• Act 4 Climax: Black Star and Kanaan fight Rhapsody. Rhapsody shoots Black Star with the weapon, stunning him.
• Act 4 Climax: Rhapsody fights Kanaan, but Black Star intervenes Rhapsody is knocked into the river, seemingly dead.
• Resolution: Black Star adds Rhapsody’s mask to his shrine, and appoints Kanaan as his new sidekick.
• Resolution: Kanaan is Black Star’s new sidekick and they protect the city together.
• Resolution: Rhapsody survives. She has been rescued by the mayor and is turned against Black Star and the city and wants to see both suffer.
• Deeper Layer: Kanaan is working with the Mayor to get Black Star to go after organized criminals that are ruining his reelection campaign.
• Major Reveal: At the end, Kanaan talks with the Mayor and reveals that their plan has worked. -
Amechi’s Deeper Layer!
MY VISION
I am going to be a top 1% action/comedy writer in the industry who writes major action films.What I learned doing this assignment is the different places that a deeper layer can be revealed.
DEEPER LAYER PUZZLE
• Surface Layer: Kanaan is a poor loner.
• Deeper Layer: Kanaan is working with the Mayor to get Blackout to go after organized criminals that are ruining his reelection campaign.
• Major Reveal: At the end, Kanaan talks with the Mayor and reveals that their plan has worked.
• Influences Surface Story: Kanaan is able to get a job with the Mayor. Kanaan survives Rhapsody leaving him to die.
• Hints: Escaping the Mayor’s penthouse. Investigating the Mayor. Their ideologies lining up near the end.
• Changes Reality: They were manipulating Blackout together. -
Amechi’s Character Structure
MY VISION
I am going to be a top 1% action/comedy writer in the industry who writes major action films.What I learned from doing this assignment is not to demand perfection from myself at this stage of the process. Try things and be open to making big changes instead of being rigid with what I come up with at first.
CONCEPT: An obsessed fan of a Superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and clashes with the superhero’s sidekick.
MAIN CONFLICT: Kanaan and Rhapsody compete with each other for the favor of the Superhero and Rhapsody’s mentor, Blackout.PROTAGONIST STORY
• Beginning: Kanaan helps with a self defense class but can’t defend himself or other people.
• Inciting Incident: Blackout is injured saving Kanaan and Kanaan saves his life before Rhapsody can intervene.
• Turning Point 1: Kanaan asks if he can help Blackout as a reward for saving his life, and Blackout says Kanaan has earned Blackout’s trust and is allowed to be part of the investigation despite Rhapsody’s objection.
• Act 2: Kanaan works with Blackout to investigate the mayor and tries to make friends with Rhapsody who resists and tries to push him out.
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Blackout’s mentor is killed and Kanaan takes over his responsibilities, despite Rhapsody’s protests.
• Act 3: Kanaan and Rhapsody break in to the Mayor’s penthouse to steal his computer but Rhapsody leaves Kanaan behind. He has to stand up for himself and fight his way out. Kanaan knows Rhapsody is spying on him and draws her into his apartment and blows her up.
• Turning Point 3: Kanaan thinks he is Blackout’s sidekick now, but Rhapsody is alive and coming after Kanaan.
• Act 4 Climax: Kanaan denies having anything to do with Rhapsody’s near death and fights Rhapsody. Blackout intervenes and Rhapsody is knocked into the river, seemingly dead.
• Resolution: Kanaan is Blackout’s new sidekick and they protect the city together.ANTAGONIST STORY
• Beginning: Rhapsody is Blackout’s loyal sidekick and protects him while they fight crime and protect the city.
• Inciting Incident: Rhapsody is responsible when Blackout is injured and left behind while Kanaan gets Blackout to safety.
• Turning Point 1: Rhapsody realizes that Kanaan is a threat to her relationship with Blackout.
• Act 2: Rhapsody works to prove that Kanaan cannot help them and tries to pressure him to leave them alone. She investigates his life but can’t figure out where he lives.
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Rhapsody presents what she’s founds to Blackout, who rejects her evidence because it is redacted and she can’t prove anything.
• Act 3: Rhapsody lets her investigation of Kanaan get in the way of helping Blackout get the weapons off the street. She has a big fight with Blackout who is convinced that she is working against him, so she goes to get definitive proof that Kanaan has bad intentions and finds his apartment.
• Turning Point 3: Rhapsody abandons Kanaan and goes to Kanaan’s apartment, which is blown up. Rhapsody survives the murder attempt and goes after Kanaan, who she believes set her up to die.
• Act 4 Climax: Rhapsody fights Kanaan, but Blackout intervenes and kills her.
• Resolution: Rhapsody survives. She has been rescued by the mayor and is turned against Blackout and the city and wants to see both suffer.TRIANGLE CHARACTER STORY
• Beginning: Blackout protects the city from criminals and is championed by the mayor.
• Inciting Incident: Blackout is injured helping Kanaan and allows Kanaan to help him get home.
• Turning Point 1: Blackout allows Kanaan to help him go after the guys who injured him.
• Act 2: Blackout wakes up. He almost died. He allows Kanaan to help with the investigation and helps to train him to fight properly.
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Blackout is not liked by the people of the city, but Kanaan convinces him to keep fighting for them.
• Act 3: Blackout has had many sidekicks, and has a shrine where he keeps things that remind him of them. Blackout thinks about giving up. Kanaan talks him into continuing.
• Turning Point 3: Blackout reveals his identity to Kanaan.
• Act 4 Climax: Blackout and Kanaan fight Rhapsody.
• Resolution: Blackout adds Rhapsody’s mask to his shrine, and appoints Kanaan as his new sidekick. -
Amechi’s Supporting Characters
MY VISION
I am going to be a top 1% action/comedy writer in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned doing this assignment is to flesh out my supporting characters and make sure they are essential to the plot. The difference between main purpose and value.2. Tell us your supporting and background characters.
• Supporting Characters: Mars, Kanaan’s mother, The Mayor, The Mayor’s Aide, Kanaan’s Teacher
• Background Characters: Criminals, The rest of Kanaan’s family, Kanaan’s neighbors, Victims, Kanaan’s landlord, Kanaan’s classmates, Kanaan’s teacher’s son, Civilians, cops
3. Focusing on those supporting characters, fill in the basic profile for each.
Support 1: Mars
• Name: Mars
• Role: Blackout’s assistant and helper, and Kanaan’s mentor.
• Main purpose: Provide Kanaan with goals, obstacles, and purpose, and support Blackout.
• Value: Helps to train Kanaan, keeps the group together, and his death pushes them to unite.
Support 2: The Mayor
• Name: Harriet Straw
• Role: Fake Opponent/Focus of investigation
• Main purpose: Voice the fear of the public and appeal to oppression.
• Value: To show that the city values greed and individualism over unity and justice.
Support 3: The Mayor’s Aide
• Name: Dennis Suarez
• Role: Secondary Antagonist/The person who is behind the plot to kill Blackout.
• Main purpose: Trying to find a way to destroy Blackout so Mayor can stay in power with more oppression.
• Value: Increase the attacks on the superheroes through covert means.
Support 4: Kanaan’s Teacher
• Name: NASH
• Role: Kanaan’s martial arts teacher.
• Main purpose: To say what people are thinking about the city. Someone who Kanaan needs to stand up to on his journey.
• Value: Holding Kanaan back and has him living in fear and feeling weak. Contributes to the atmosphere of fear. -
Amechi’s Character Profiles Part 2
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to be precise with these answers to create the best possible character, rather than adding too many details.
PROTAGONIST (KANAAN)
• A. The High Concept. An obsessed fan of a Superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and clashes with the superhero’s sidekick.
• B. This character’s journey. From a scared nobody who is obsessed with a superhero to a feared sidekick to that superhero.
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
He is a man obsessed with a superhero who gets the chance to make the superhero his friend and become his sidekick.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He’s a manipulator who uses manipulation techniques to try and make people do the right thing.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Manipulating Blackout
Talking his way into a job he shouldn’t get
His covert battle with Rhapsody
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He’s paid to be a victim in a self-defense class.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Scared to angry, weak and helpless to confident and dangerous, sad to exhilarated.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
That he’s just trying to help, that he’s in it for the right reasons,
He’s always a hero in his own mind, even when he seems to be a victim.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With Blackout – They go from strangers to people who help each other, to people who rely on each other.
With Rhapsody – Who wants to get rid of him so she can keep Blackout all to herself.
With Mars (the Butler) – who is getting old and decides to help groom Kanaan to be his replacement.
With his Mother – A cop who wants Kanaan to give up his dangerous dreams and return home.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
He’s tired of the city being dangerous and is one of the few people who are actively doing something about it.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
His manipulation techniques, his strong desire to be liked and to see justice come for people.3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.
1 Role in the Story: Protagonist who goes from scared civilian to superhero sidekick.
2 Age range and Description: Late 20s, athletic but afraid of his power.
3 Core Traits: 1. Scheming 2. Optimistic 3. Manipulator 4. Afraid
4 Motivation; Want/Need: To be a superhero’s sidekick / To stop being a victim
5 Wound: He was arrested for armed robbery, which hurt his mother’s career and derailed his plans at life.
6 Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Care for the city, the downtrodden things and people. Struggling and alone. Oppressed but wants to help people.
• 7. Character Subtext: Luring/Seducing to get his way
• 8. Character Intrigue: Unspoken wound caused by hurting his family with a robbery
Deception that he is just trying to help and not obsessed
Pretending to compete with Rhapsody while plotting her death.
Hidden agenda – Learning martial arts for free by being a practice dummy.
• 9. Flaw: Undervalues himself. Thinks he deserves constant punishment.
• 10. Values: Law, Loyalty, Service to others
• 11. Character Dilemma: Self expression vs guilt
ANTAGONIST (RHAPSODY)
• A. The High Concept. An obsessed fan of a Superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and clashes with the superhero’s sidekick.
• B. This character’s journey. From superhero’s sidekick, to losing her place and wanting revenge
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
A kick ass superhero
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
She’s very protective of Blackout and very suspicious of Kanaan.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
She goes to Kanaan’s parents house and has dinner with his family.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
She beat up a gang of thugs on a street and then enters a room that is filled with items related to Blackout.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
She is calm, Kanaan makes her angry, confident, determined,
6. What subtext can the actor play?
That she’s trying to help people when she’s punishing them. She’s fighting to keep the status quo.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With Kanaan – She is the one person who can see right through him for what he is.
With Blackout – A mentor, and someone she loves and respects.
With Mars – He’s a father figure who pushes her to do good and to be a better hero.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
She is a sidekick who is happy with her place and actively fighting anyone who tries to change it.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
She’s a hero but has some bad intentions to protect her power and status.
3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.
1 Role in the Story: Antagonist who wants to keep her place as Blackout’s sidekick.
2 Age range and Description: 30s,
3 Core Traits: 1. Jealous 2. Assertive/Aggressive 3. Glory Hunter 4. Sneaky
4 Motivation; Want/Need: To keep her place as Blackout’s sidekick / To learn how to help others
5 Wound: Her parents were killed and Blackout took her in.
6 Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Brilliant fighter, quick witted, stands up for herself, makes big shows of helping/being a hero
• 7. Character Subtext: Withholding because of the trauma of the death of her parents.
• 8. Character Intrigue: Secret – she has threatened and hurt other people who have tried to get close to Blackout before.
Deception – Pretends to be Kanaan’s friend while she investigates him.
• 9. Flaw: Says and does the wrong things. Takes things too far and has to get the last word or action in.
• 10. Values: Winning, Family, Freedom
• 11. Character Dilemma: Being powerful and being loved
TRIANGLE (BLACKOUT)
• A. The High Concept. An obsessed fan of a Superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and clashes with the superhero’s sidekick.
• B. This character’s journey. From being surrounded by people and things he loves, to feeling as empty and lonely as everyone else in the city.
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
A powerful superhero who wants to be loved and fights for his city.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He is a loner but is looking for community.
He demands obedience.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Taking on the mayor.
Killing Rhapsody
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He saves Kanaan from an attack. He’s a powerful superhero who strikes fear into his enemies.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Calm even when he’s being violent. Sad and emotionally fragile. Feels compassion for those he has to fight who have nothing.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
Controls and manipulates people into praising him. Wants to be worshipped for his sacrifices.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With Kanaan – He likes the way Kanaan sees the world and the perspective Kanaan has on things.
With Rhapsody – He’s a stern big brother who is trying to keep her under control.
With Mars – His father figure, who works to meet all of his needs.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
He’s obsessed with justice and doing the right thing in every aspect of his life.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Wants to honor his parents and ancestors by doing what is right in all situations. Gets broken up when he fails or someone is hurt because of him.
3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.
1 Role in the Story: Triangle Character, The person the protagonist and antagonist fight over
2 Age range and Description: 40s, a superhuman vigilante
3 Core Traits: 1. Imaginative 2. Noble 3. Dangerous 4. Loyal
4 Motivation; Want/Need: To be his city’s savior / To decide what justice is
5 Wound: He can’t stop, even if he wanted to.
6 Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Beloved superhero, struggles with not doing more, haunted by failure, constantly in emotional and physical pain.
• 7. Character Subtext: Being Polite
• 8. Character Intrigue: Secret – He killed Rhapsody’s parents accidentally.
Conspiracy – With the mayor to make the city more dangerous and boost both of their profiles.
• 9. Flaw: Overdoing things. Working too hard to try and make a difference.
• 10. Values: Duty, Fame, Control
• 11. Character Dilemma: Please others vs taking care of himself -
Amechi’s Character Profiles
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned doing this assignment is to make sure I create amazing characters who will best fit my story to make my writing the best it can be.PROTAGONIST (KANAAN)
• A. The High Concept. An obsessed fan of a Superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and clashes with the superhero’s sidekick.
• B. This character’s journey. From a scared nobody who is obsessed with a superhero to a feared sidekick to that superhero.
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
He is a man obsessed with a superhero who gets the chance to make the superhero his friend and become his sidekick.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He’s a manipulator who uses manipulation techniques to try and make people do the right thing.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Manipulating Blackout
Talking his way into a job he shouldn’t get
His covert battle with Rhapsody
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He’s paid to be a victim in a self-defense class.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Scared to angry, weak and helpless to confident and dangerous, sad to exhilarated.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
That he’s just trying to help, that he’s in it for the right reasons,
He’s always a hero in his own mind, even when he seems to be a victim.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With Blackout – They go from strangers to people who help each other, to people who rely on each other.
With Rhapsody – Who wants to get rid of him so she can keep Blackout all to herself.
With Mars (the Butler) – who is getting old and decides to help groom Kanaan to be his replacement.
With his Mother – A cop who wants Kanaan to give up his dangerous dreams and return home.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
He’s tired of the city being dangerous and is one of the few people who are actively doing something about it.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
His manipulation techniques, his strong desire to be liked and to see justice come for people.3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.
1 Role in the Story: Protagonist who goes from scared civilian to superhero sidekick.
2 Age range and Description: Late 20s, athletic but afraid of his power.
3 Core Traits: 1. Scheming 2. Optimistic 3. Manipulator 4. Afraid
4 Motivation; Want/Need: To be a superhero’s sidekick / To stop being a victim
5 Wound: He was arrested for armed robbery, which hurt his mother’s career and derailed his plans at life.
6 Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Care for the city, the downtrodden things and people. Struggling and alone. Oppressed but wants to help people.ANTAGONIST (RHAPSODY)
• A. The High Concept. An obsessed fan of a Superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and clashes with the superhero’s sidekick.
• B. This character’s journey. From superhero’s sidekick, to losing her place and wanting revenge
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
A kick ass superhero
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
She’s very protective of Blackout and very suspicious of Kanaan.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
She goes to Kanaan’s parents house and has dinner with his family.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
She beat up a gang of thugs on a street and then enters a room that is filled with items related to Blackout.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
She is calm, Kanaan makes her angry, confident, determined,
6. What subtext can the actor play?
That she’s trying to help people when she’s punishing them. She’s fighting to keep the status quo.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With Kanaan – She is the one person who can see right through him for what he is.
With Blackout – A mentor, and someone she loves and respects.
With Mars – He’s a father figure who pushes her to do good and to be a better hero.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
She is a sidekick who is happy with her place and actively fighting anyone who tries to change it.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
She’s a hero but has some bad intentions to protect her power and status.
3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.
1 Role in the Story: Antagonist who wants to keep her place as Blackout’s sidekick.
2 Age range and Description: 30s,
3 Core Traits: 1. Jealous 2. Assertive/Aggressive 3. Glory Hunter 4. Sneaky
4 Motivation; Want/Need: To keep her place as Blackout’s sidekick / To learn how to help others
5 Wound: Her parents were killed and Blackout took her in.
6 Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Brilliant fighter, quick witted, stands up for herself, makes big shows of helping/being a heroTRIANGLE (BLACKOUT)
• A. The High Concept. An obsessed fan of a Superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and clashes with the superhero’s sidekick.
• B. This character’s journey. From being surrounded by people and things he loves, to feeling as empty and lonely as everyone else in the city.
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
A powerful superhero who wants to be loved and fights for his city.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He is a loner but is looking for community.
He demands obedience.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Taking on the mayor.
Killing Rhapsody
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He saves Kanaan from an attack. He’s a powerful superhero who strikes fear into his enemies.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Calm even when he’s being violent. Sad and emotionally fragile. Feels compassion for those he has to fight who have nothing.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
Controls and manipulates people into praising him. Wants to be worshipped for his sacrifices.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With Kanaan – He likes the way Kanaan sees the world and the perspective Kanaan has on things.
With Rhapsody – He’s a stern big brother who is trying to keep her under control.
With Mars – His father figure, who works to meet all of his needs.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
He’s obsessed with justice and doing the right thing in every aspect of his life.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Wants to honor his parents and ancestors by doing what is right in all situations. Gets broken up when he fails or someone is hurt because of him.
3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.
1 Role in the Story: Triangle Character, The person the protagonist and antagonist fight over
2 Age range and Description: 40s, a superhuman vigilante
3 Core Traits: 1. Imaginative 2. Noble 3. Dangerous 4. Loyal
4 Motivation; Want/Need: To be his city’s savior / To decide what justice is
5 Wound: He can’t stop, even if he wanted to.
6 Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Beloved superhero, struggles with not doing more, haunted by failure, constantly in emotional and physical pain. -
Amechi’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned from doing this assignment is my character doesn’t have to be good but it’s essential to create likability/relatability/empathy multiple times in the opening of my script. It’s optional for my antagonist, depending on what kind of story I am telling.
2. Brainstorm one or more ways you can present your Protagonist through each of these:
• Likability: He finds a flower growing through the cracked pavement and takes it home and puts it in a flower pot. He helps out with a self-defense class. He helps a woman who is being accosted by bad guys. He tries to be positive. He feels invisible in the city,
• Relatability: Struggling through life in a city, feels alone and powerless, has money problems, card gets declined when trying to catch the bus and has to walk home, Misses a bus even though he runs for it,
• Empathy: Followed by the cops, alone and facing some criminals, Is scared but steps in to help a woman being harassed on a train, woman he tries to help on train yells at him, helps others and they don’t appreciate it
3. Just to get the experience, give us one or more ways that your Antagonist could be presented through each of these:
• Likability: Help an old lady across the street, steal from bad guys and drop the money in a beggars cup, a brilliant fighter, stands up for herself,
• Relatability: Gets yelled at by some guys on the street, messes up and lets Blackout get hit from behind, Shouted at for trying to stop Kanaan getting near Blackout, Sent away,
• Empathy: Humiliated by the insults shouted at her, Is surrounded and cut off from her destination and help, gets yelled at by her ‘boss’. -
Amechi’s Character Intrigue
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that all of my main characters, good and bad, should have some levels of intrigue.• Character Name: KANAAN
• Role: PROTAGONIST
• Hidden agendas: Gets beaten up to punish himself / Learning martial arts by taking a beating for money
• Competition: Impress the Mayor
• Conspiracies: To destroy Rhapsody. / With Blackout to bring down the Mayor.
• Secrets: He was arrested for robbing a gas station but his mother was able to get him off.
• Deception: He won’t let people know where he lives. / Collecting explosives to kill Rhapsody. / Obsessed with Blackout / Works for the Mayor while working against him
• Unspoken Wound: He feels guilty for getting away with a crime and wants to help uphold the law in a lawless city.
• Secret Identity: The CompetitorHow it might show up?
Learns Martial arts by taking a beating for money in a class
Make friends with Rhapsody so he can kill her
His mother worries about him and follows him around.
A police car follows him.
He wants to see lawbreakers punished, no matter how small.
He makes someone at his interview put back the extra free water bottle they take.
Hides his home, a secret lair
His apartment is filled with Blackout related items.RHAPSODY
• Character Name: RHAPSODY
• Role: ANTAGONIST
• Hidden agendas: To research Kanaan’s life and use the information to destroy him
• Competition: With Kanaan to be Blackout’s sidekick.
• Conspiracies: With Mars to destroy Kanaan.
• Secrets: She is in love with Blackout
• Deception: Pretends to be friends with Kanaan to learn about him. / Says she has a boyfriend when she’s going out to spy on Kanaan.
• Unspoken Wound: She is an orphan, taken in by Blackout
• Secret Identity: Agent of ChaosHow it might show up?
She stalks and attacks criminals
She lies to Blackout about where she’s going when she goes to fight crime alone.
She threatens a criminal who has gone straight into getting her information on Kanaan’s criminal record.
She won’t talk about her family history, only about Blackout and Mars.
She takes care of Blackout like a spouse would.
She’s happy that the old sidekicks are dead.• Character Name: BLACKOUT
• Role: CONNECTING CHARACTER
• Hidden agendas: To live in a dangerous city that needs him.
• Competition: With the mayor to be savior of the city. / He doesn’t want to feel threatened by his sidekick.
• Conspiracies: With Kanaan to expose the Mayor. / He’s working with the Mayor in secret
• Secrets: He is addicted to a drug that gives him super strength
• Deception: He is responsible for the accidental death of Rhapsody’s parents.
• Unspoken Wound: His other sidekicks who have been killed.
• Secret Identity: Drug AddictHow it might show up?
He sends messages to the Mayor in secret.
He keeps Rhapsody in her place and routinely goes out alone without her.
One of his old sidekicks is still alive and left him.
He feels guilty about causing damage and looks to see if anyone is hurt before leaving.
He has scars and pain from old injuries.
He has a secret room filled with the drug that makes him strong.
He tries to keep Rhapsody out of the most dangerous situations. -
Amechi’s Subtext Characters
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to generate as many ideas for subtext as possible and then add the best ones that fit to the script. I’ll do more of this when I’ve caught up with the lessons.
2. With your example movie, give us the following answers for the character with the most subtext:
• Movie Title: Top Gun: Maverick
• Character Name: Maverick
• Subtext Identity: The Competitor
• Subtext Trait: Scheming
• Subtext Logline: Maverick is a highly competitive instructor, who will scheme to demonstrate that what he wants to do is the right approach.
• Possible Areas of Subtext: Flying the test plane without permission, Lying to Rooster about why he was removed from the program, sneaking out through the window, playing football to bond as a team, his plan to destroy the facility before the enemy can respond, his plan to steal the F-14 before the enemy realize who they are, flying the test course on his own to prove that it is possible.3. For your two leads, brainstorm these answers:
CHARACTER 1 – KANAAN
• Character Name: KANAAN
• Subtext Identity: The lawyer/advocate
• Subtext Trait: Scheming
• Subtext Logline: Kanaan is a schemer who uses law and persuasion to get what he wants
• Possible Areas of Subtext:
• ACT 1: Tells people attacking him what jail time they could serve, Convinces Mayor’s hiring manager that he deserves a better position that isn’t even open,
• ACT 2: Walks into meeting he’s not supposed to be in, telling Blackout how he can help his cause
• ACT 3: Confronts Mayor about the weapons behind Blackout’s back
• ACT 4: Lets Rhapsody expose her jealousy in front of BlackoutCHARACTER 2 – RHAPSODY
• Character Name: RHAPSODY
• Subtext Identity: The Spy
• Subtext Trait: Corrupt
• Subtext Logline: Rhapsody is a corrupt sidekick who uses spy craft to bribe, blackmail, and destroy her enemies.
• Possible Areas of Subtext:
• ACT 1: Pushes Blackout to not accept any help from Kanaan, attacks Kanaan for trying to get close to Blackout
• ACT 2: Tells Kanaan that he could get hurt, blames Blackout’s injury on Kanaan,
• ACT 3: Follows Kanaan to his house and has dinner with his family, actively tries to get Kanaan hurt
• ACT 4: Fights Kanaan to keep her positionCHARACTER 3 – BLACKOUT
• Character Name: BLACKOUT
• Subtext Identity: The alcoholic/drug user
• Subtext Trait: Suspicious
• Subtext Logline: Blackout is a suspicious superhero who is hiding that he is using drugs to enhance his body and mind.
• Possible Areas of Subtext:
• ACT 1: Is suspicious of Kanaan trying to get close to him, Has super strength but is left weakened afterwards
• ACT 2: Needs to rest after nights patrolling the city,
• ACT 3: Turns to drinking after his assistant dies,
• ACT 4: Kills the Mayor’s assistant to protect the mayor and his supply of enhancement drugs. -
LESSON 2
Amechi’s Actor Attractors!
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.Lead Character Name: KANAAN
Role: Protagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
He is a man obsessed with a superhero who gets the chance to make the superhero his friend and become his sidekick.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He’s a manipulator who uses manipulation techniques to try and make people do the right thing.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Manipulating Blackout
Talking his way into a job he shouldn’t get
His covert battle with Rhapsody
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He’s paid to be a victim in a self-defense class.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Scared to angry, weak and helpless to confident and dangerous, sad to exhilarated.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
That he’s just trying to help, that he’s in it for the right reasons,
He’s always a hero in his own mind, even when he seems to be a victim.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With Blackout – They go from strangers to people who help each other, to people who rely on each other.
With Rhapsody – Who wants to get rid of him so she can keep Blackout all to herself.
With Mars (the Butler) – who is getting old and decides to help groom Kanaan to be his replacement.
With his Mother – A cop who wants Kanaan to give up his dangerous dreams and return home.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
He’s tired of the city being dangerous and is one of the few people who are actively doing something about it.
9. What could make this character special and unique?His manipulation techniques, his strong desire to be liked and to see justice come for people.
Lead Character Name: Rhapsody
Role: Antagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
A kick ass superhero
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
She’s very protective of Blackout and very suspicious of Kanaan.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
She goes to Kanaan’s parents house and has dinner with his family.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
She beat up a gang of thugs on a street and then enters a room that is filled with items related to Blackout.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
She is calm, Kanaan makes her angry, confident, determined,
6. What subtext can the actor play?
That she’s trying to help people when she’s punishing them. She’s fighting to keep the status quo.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With Kanaan – She is the one person who can see right through him for what he is.
With Blackout – A mentor, and someone she loves and respects.
With Mars – He’s a father figure who pushes her to do good and to be a better hero.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
She is a sidekick who is happy with her place and actively fighting anyone who tries to change it.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
She’s a hero but has some bad intentions to protect her power and status.Lead Character Name: Blackout
Role: Triangle Character
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
A powerful superhero who wants to be loved and fights for his city.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He is a loner but is looking for community.
He demands obedience.3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Taking on the mayor.
Killing Rhapsody
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
He saves Kanaan from an attack. He’s a powerful superhero who strikes fear into his enemies.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
Calm even when he’s being violent. Sad and emotionally fragile. Feels compassion for those he has to fight who have nothing.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
Controls and manipulates people into praising him. Wants to be worshipped for his sacrifices.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With Kanaan – He likes the way Kanaan sees the world and the perspective Kanaan has on things.
With Rhapsody – He’s a stern big brother who is trying to keep her under control.
With Mars – His father figure, who works to meet all of his needs.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
He’s obsessed with justice and doing the right thing in every aspect of his life.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Wants to honor his parents and ancestors by doing what is right in all situations. Gets broken up when he fails or someone is hurt because of him. -
Amechi’s Actor Attractors for (TOP GUN: MAVERICK)
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
Movie Title: TOP GUN – MAVERICK
Lead Character Name: PETE “MAVERICK” MITCHELL
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
He’s a hero, a cool character, and he is a legendary pilot with a rebellious streak.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
He’s haunted by a failure that cost his best friend his life, and he’s still flying planes to their limit years later.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
Destroying an expensive new jet during a test flight
Showing all the hot shot pilots that he’s still much better than them
Coming up with a plan to attack the nuclear facility
Demonstrating that the plan can be successful after all of the pilots fail
Keeping a secret that the decision to keep his friend’s son out of the program was made by the son’s mother and not Maverick but he’s taking the blame.
Stealing an F-14 from the enemy base to get back home.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
He flies an experimental jet against orders before the general shows up and goes faster than any man has gone before, before destroying the jet by going too fast.
5. What is this character’s emotional range?
Confident, cocky, determined, caring, wounded.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
That he’s not in pain, that he’s not afraid, that he’s confident no one will die, that he is to blame for keeping his friend’s son out of the Top Gun Program.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
With Rooster, his best friend’s son, who is angry at him for his father’s death, for keeping him out of the academy, and who now thinks that he won’t pick him for the top secret mission. Maverick wants to be a mentor to him but it’s difficult with their history.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
Iconic lines repeated from the first movie. Some of his actions are a result of who he is (flying the plane too fast, giving people looks when they ask him to do something, explaining how things can be done and knowing he’s the only one who can do it.)
9. What makes this character special and unique?
He’s the best fighter pilot there is and has kept his life as simple as possible to keep his life this way, even though the world is changing.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
Cyclone replaces Maverick as the mission trainer and as he goes through his new plan a jet appears on the radar. It’s Maverick, who has been fired, making an unauthorized flight in one of their jets. He flies the course perfectly, proving that his riskier plan can be done and will get them all home safely. Cyclone again wants to get rid of Maverick, but instead tells him that he’s going on the mission.
This scene shows Maverick acting without thinking of the consequences, showing confidence in his plan that looked impossible, defying authority, proving he’s still the best pilot, and also that he cares by proving his tougher plan, that will get all of the pilots home safely, can work. -
Amechi’s Genre Conventions
MY VISIONI am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned doing this assignment is to make sure the genre conventions are fulfilled without adding too many story details that could distract. It doesn’t have to be perfect now.
TITLE: SUPER FAN
CONCEPT: An obsessed fan of a Superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and clashes with the superhero’s sidekick.
GENRE: ACTION/DARK COMEDY3. Make a list of the conventions for your chosen genre, like this:
ACTION
• Purpose: Adrenaline-stirring / fast paced — Taking on a criminal gang that is causing chaos in the city, who are actually linked to the billionaire Mayor who is supposed to be fighting them.
• Demand for Action: To become a superhero’s sidekick, must learn to defend himself.
• Mission: To become the superhero’s sidekick.
• Escalating Action: From being a helpless victim who runs away, to sparring with Rhapsody and Butler, to defending himself against goons, to fighting Rhapsody to the death.
• Hero: A talker, able to get into the heads of the people fighting him with words that make them make mistakes.
• Antagonist: Rhapsody is desperate to keep her position and willing to do whatever it takes to defeat anyone who threatens that, including murder.COMEDY
– Purpose: To entertain with laughter-inducing moments — The Mayor controls the cops and the criminals.
– Incongruence: What causes laughs: Rhapsody and someone who wants her job competing for it and trying to win the Superhero’s favor. Rhapsody’s jealously. Kanaan trying to solve crime in strange and unconventional ways. Normal Superhero things not working out as they should.
– Mechanics of Comedy (Set up/Punchline, toppers, running gags, sight and prop humor) — Kanaan trying to defend himself. Kanaan running away. Kanaan making jokes about the people chasing him and coming after him. Kanaan joking about superheroes. Kanaan inspiring family members, and others to take bad risks that get them hurt or in trouble.
– Comedic Protagonist: Funny or straight man, what triggers situations and events — Kanaan is more of a straight man and the other characters bring the absurdity that he points out.
– Strong Story: What keeps us engaged — Kanaan wants to prove he’s good enough to be a superhero’s sidekick, by slowly replacing and then eliminating the superhero’s current sidekick.4. Brainstorm ways to deliver the conventions more effectively and build those parts into your 4-Act Structure.
5. List your structure from Lesson 6 along with the improvements that come from the Genre Conventions, like I did above.
Act 1:
• Opening – Rhapsody walks a dark street at night and is attacked by gang members, but beats them up. She enters an apartment and it is filled with items related to the Superhero Blackout. Kanaan lives in a rough part of the city by choice and his father tells him that he is not making a difference. His family lives in the suburbs but his choice is to live where it’s more dangerous, precisely because it’s where Blackout protects. On his walk home, he is forced to run from a criminal gang.
• Inciting Incident – Blackout is injured saving Kanaan by a new type of armor piercing weapon that a criminal is carrying, and Kanaan saves his life, before Rhapsody has to intervene and save Kanaan.
• Turning Point – Kanaan sees that Blackout is walking into a trap where he will be shot and killed, so goes in first and steals the weapon to protect Blackout but is injured himself in the process. Kanaan has earned Blackout’s trust by helping out and Blackout allows Kanaan to see his hideout and help him get patched up, despite Rhapsody’s protests.
Act 2:
• New plan – Kanaan works with Blackout to see if the city’s billionaire Mayor is involved with developing the weapon that can hurt Blackout.
• Plan in action – Kanaan goes back to work with the Mayor and learns that the Mayor’s security officer has a grudge against Blackout. Kanaan learns self-defense from Rhapsody and Blackout. Kanaan builds a friendship with Blackout and Blackout’s Mentor/Butler starts training Kanaan. Kanaan learns from Blackout’s mentor/butler how to take care of Blackout’s needs. Rhapsody follows Kanaan home and ends up at Kanaan’s family home. Kanaan pretends that he and Rhapsody are dating and they have dinner with his family, who tease him about wanting to save the world. Rhapsody spars with Kanaan and embarrasses him in front of Blackout to show that he shouldn’t be coming to fight crime with them.
• Midpoint Turning Point – Kanaan goes out with Blackout’s mentor and starts a fight with one of the men who attacked him earlier and Blackout’s Mentor/butler is killed. It appears random but Kanaan convinces Blackout that the Mayor had something to do with it. Rhapsody is furious but can’t stop Kanaan taking over the mentor/butler’s duties. Rhapsody threatens Kanaan and tells him that she’s looking into his past and will find something incriminating soon.
Act 3:
• Rethink everything – Kanaan tries to keep his past secret from Rhapsody. Kanaan helps Blackout deal with losing his mentor/butler. Rhapsody wants revenge while Kanaan preaches justice to Blackout who sides against Rhapsody. Kanaan wants to help them go out and fight crime but Rhapsody vetoes it and shows Kanaan is not ready and is just a liability in a fight. Kanaan helps investigate the Mayor in secret anyway, getting a job with him and working to uncover his secret weapons business.
• New plan – Kanaan reminds Rhapsody that she’s just one in a series of sidekicks that Blackout has had. Rhapsody stalks Kanaan’s family to find out about him. Kanaan steals evidence from the Billionaire and gets Blackout to protect him when the Mayor’s goons come after him. Rhapsody makes Blackout get rid of Kanaan for going against their plan, even though it technically worked and saved them time. Rhapsody returns to Kanaan’s parents house alone and learns that they think Kanaan pushes people to taking risks which get them hurt. Rhapsody learns Kanaan’s apartment address. Kanaan lures Rhapsody into his hidden apartment, which is filled with Blackout related items. It’s the apartment from the opening, and Kanaan’s an obsessed fan. And the place is rigged with explosives. Kanaan, outside, blows the apartment up while Rhapsody is inside.
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Kanaan tells Blackout that the Mayor must have killed Rhapsody. Blackout goes after the Mayor to get revenge. Kanaan begins choosing his alter ego for crime fighting alongside Blackout and picks a full costume to be Blackout’s new sidekick but learns that Rhapsody is still alive and coming after him.
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Blackout fights through the Mayor’s bodyguards and takes the Mayor prisoner. Rhapsody finds Kanaan at Blackout’s hideout and tries to kill him. Kanaan has set up Rhapsody to look evil in front of Blackout who intervenes and fights on Kanaan’s side. Rhapsody is beaten and falls into the river, seemingly dead.
• Resolution – Kanaan is now Blackout’s sidekick and helper. Rhapsody has survived, but joins the criminals to cause chaos in the city as revenge against Blackout and Kanaan who are now a crime fighting team. Kanaan meets with his family and says he is making a difference now. A criminal gang is harassing a woman. Kanaan, in his superhero costume steps in to save her. -
Amechi’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
MY VISIONI am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned doing this assignment is the best way to negate the old ways and push the protagonist towards the new ways is just to have the old ways fail to do what the Protagonist needs them to do.
CONCEPT: An obsessed fan of a Superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and clashes with the superhero’s sidekick.
MAIN CONFLICT: Kanaan and Rhapsody compete with each other for the favor of the Superhero and Rhapsody’s mentor, Blackout.
Old Ways:
Afraid of the city
A nobody
Victim
Oppressed
Gives up easily
New Ways:
Knows he is dangerous
A feared superhero
In control
DeterminedAct 1:
• Opening – Rhapsody is attacked by gang members, but beats them up. She enters an apartment and sees it is filled with items related to the Superhero Blackout. Kanaan lives in a rough part of the city by choice and his father tells him that he is not making a difference. His family lives in the suburbs but his choice is to live where it’s more dangerous, precisely because it’s where Blackout protects. On his walk home, he is forced to run from a criminal gang.
• Inciting Incident – Blackout is injured saving Kanaan by a new type of weapon that a criminal is carrying, and Kanaan saves his life, before Rhapsody has to intervene and save Kanaan.
• Turning Point – Kanaan has earned Blackout’s trust by helping to find out about the weapon and Blackout allows Kanaan to see his hideout, despite Rhapsody’s protests.
Act 2:
• New plan – Kanaan works with Blackout to see if the city’s billionaire Mayor is involved with developing the weapon that can hurt Blackout.
• Plan in action – Kanaan goes to work with the Mayor. Kanaan learns self-defense from Rhapsody and Blackout. Kanaan builds a friendship with Blackout. Learns from Blackout’s mentor/butler how to take care of him. Rhapsody doesn’t let Kanaan come out to fight crime with them.
• Midpoint Turning Point – Blackout’s Mentor/butler is killed. It appears random but Kanaan is sure the Mayor had something to do with it. Kanaan takes over the mentor/butler’s duties. But Rhapsody threatens him and tells him that she’s looking into his past.
Act 3:
• Rethink everything – Kanaan tries to keep his past secret from Rhapsody. Kanaan helps Blackout deal with losing his mentor/butler. Rhapsody wants revenge while Kanaan preaches justice to Blackout who sides against Rhapsody. Kanaan wants to help them go out and fight crime but Rhapsody vetoes it. Kanaan helps investigate the Mayor in secret anyway, getting a job with him and working to uncover his secret weapons business.
• New plan – Kanaan reminds Rhapsody that she’s just one in a series of sidekicks that Blackout has had. Kanaan lures Rhapsody into his hidden apartment, which is filled with Blackout related items. He’s an obsessed fan. And the place is rigged with explosives. Kanaan, outside, blows the apartment up while Rhapsody is inside.
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Kanaan tells Blackout that the Mayor must have killed Rhapsody. Blackout goes after the Mayor. Kanaan learns that Rhapsody is still alive and coming after him.
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Blackout fights through the Mayor’s bodyguards and takes the Mayor prisoner. Rhapsody finds Kanaan at Blackout’s hideout and tries to kill him. Kanaan has set up Rhapsody to look evil in front of Blackout who intervenes and fights with Kanaan. Rhapsody is beaten and falls into the river, seemingly dead.
• Resolution – Kanaan is now Blackout’s sidekick and helper. Rhapsody has survived, but joins the criminals to cause chaos in the city as revenge against Blackout and Kanaan who are now a crime fighting team. Kanaan meets with his family and says he is making a difference now. A criminal gang is harassing a woman. Kanaan steps in to save her. -
Amechi’s Subtext Plot
MY VISIONI am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned doing this assignment is that engaging on deeper levels with subplots will lead to a much better story.
CONCEPT: An obsessed fan of a Superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and clashes with the superhero’s sidekick.
SUBPLOTS
SCHEME AND INVESTIGATION: KANAAN’S REAL IDENTITY
Kanaan schemes to keep his identity secret and Rhapsody investigates his background.
Rhapsody discovers that Kanaan is an obsessed fan of Blackout.
Kaanan is luring Rhapsody into a trap to blow her up in a fake apartment.LAYERING: KAANAN’S MASTER PLAN
Kanaan is a concerned citizen who wants to fight back against the city’s criminals.
Kanaan is the illegitimate half-brother of a criminal kingpin.
Kanaan is eliminating his half-brother’s competition so he can be in control of the criminal underworld.
Kanaan becomes Blackout’s sidekick to prove himself to his brother.COMPETITIVE AGENDAS: SIDEKICK COMPETITION
Kanaan and Rhapsody are competing for Blackout’s favor.
Rhapsody works to expose Kanaan.
Kanaan makes Blackout suspicious of everyone.
Kanaan tries to kill Rhapsody.
Rhapsody survives the murder attempt and goes after Kanaan.
Blackout intervenes and kills Rhapsody.
Kanaan replaces Rhapsody as Blackout’s sidekick. -
Amechi’s Transformational Journey
MY VISIONI am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to design only my protagonist’s journey at this stage. The rest can be built around this later once it’s settled.
PROTAGONIST
Arc Beginning: A helpless civilian who is a target for criminals.
Arc Ending: A superhero’s sidekick who is feared.
Internal Journey: Awkward and afraid, to confident and fearless.
External Journey: A weak civilian who needs protection to a strong hero who can protect others.
Old Ways:
Afraid of the city
A nobody
Victim
Oppressed
Gives up easily
New Ways:
Knows he is dangerous
A feared superhero
In control
Determined -
LESSON 2
Amechi’s Intentional Lead Characters
MY VISIONI am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s of the utmost importance to design my lead characters to deliver on the concept.
PROTAGONIST
Character: KANAAN
Logline: An awkward loner who is obsessed with a superhero and builds a friendship with him.
Unique: Can be friendly, charismatic, and brave.ANTAGONIST
Character: BLACKSTONE
Logline: A superhero who is protecting his city from a criminal mastermind but is burned out by all he has to do.
Unique: Super abilities but is deeply wounded by his traumatic childhood.TRIANGLE CHARACTER
Character: RHAPSODY
Logline: Blackout’s jealous sidekick who is suspicious of Kanaan’s intentions.
Unique: Powerful, jealous, and as much a saboteur to herself as she is to her relationships with other people. -
Amechi’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.
<div>What
I learned doing this assignment is I really need to focus on creating a
great outline to save myself from having to do extra drafts.</div><div>TITLE: SUPER FAN
CONCEPT: An obsessed fan of a Superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and clashes with the superhero’s sidekick.
I will be using a DRAMATIC TRIANGLE structure.
</div>
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Hi everyone,
My name is Amechi Ngwe. I’ve written at least 20 feature scripts and around 10 pilots. I’ve had two option agreements, one shopping agreement, and sold a show to Nickelodeon last year. I’m hoping to write something that exceeds anything I’ve written so far, and to learn how to write a killer pitch. Something strange about me is I am an introverted person but I love doing improv comedy in front of crowds. I’m really looking forward to this class!
Amechi
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Amechi Ngwe
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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SITUATION: Person A and Person B are fighting until they realize they were meant to be together.
SCENE ARC: From two people fighting to them kissing.
LOGLINE: Two party clowns compete for the bonus from a rich child’s parents.
SCENE
A LONG PINK BALLOON inflates. Gloved hands containing nimble fingers, pull, twist, bend until—
The balloon is in the rough shape of a dog.
CARLEY, the CLOWN in full clown make up and clothing, 30s, a sad smile and a teardrop painted on her face, shoves the balloon animal at RYAN 5, snooty, with an ‘it’s MY birthday’ badge pinned to his shirt. Ryan reaches up for it.
RYAN
A DOG!
Carley pulls it back. Ryan grabs at air.
CARLEY
Hold on, little Ryan! This is a wolf! A special type of dog.
VOICE (O.S.)
That’s not a wolf…
They both turn to ANOTHER CLOWN who has his back to them, hunched over. The squeaking sounds of a balloon animal under construction in his hands.
This is MARCUS, 30s. His clown outfit is bright primary colors, his wig a flowing mane, an ear to ear red smile is painted on his face in the shape of a giant smile.
He suddenly turns offering Ryan A BETTER BALLOON WOLF.
MARCUS
That’s a wolf!
RYAN
Gimme!Ryan Reaches for the balloon. But Carley grabs his wrist.
CARLEY
Are you sure you wouldn’t rather…?She offers her balloon animal again. Ryan’s eyes dart back and forth. But it’s no contest.
Ryan snatches the balloon wolf from Marcus and runs off. Several other children trail after him.
Marcus turns to Carley who folds her arms.
CARLEY
Wolves aren’t happy…
MARCUS
They aren’t rubber and full of air either. Sorry to step on your toes there.
CARLEY
He got what he wanted.
MARCUS
And hopefully so do I.CARLEY
And what do you want?MARCUS
Same thing as you.
CARLEY
To know why they hire two clowns?MARCUS
No, I know that. Competition is good. The mother invited me.CARLEY
And the dad me.MARCUS
Did they tell you about the bonus for the best entertainer?CARLEY
I need it.MARCUS
How about I let you have it.RYAN’S MOTHER comes over.
RYAN’S MOTHER
You and you. What are you doing? Shakespeare? Get to work!Marcus apologizes with a hand gesture and does a little dance. He moves towards the kids, playing with his balloon animal. Carley follows.
CARLEY
They bought us in to compete with each other.MARCUS
Two clowns. One job. How about a team up?CARLEY
Like our old act? They want a clean show.MARCUS
Well, there’s a problem with that.CARLEY
What?MARCUS
We couldn’t keep our hands off of each other.CARLEY
That was offstage.MARCUS
A boat isn’t a stage.They lock eyes.
RYAN (O.S.)
What are you doing?Carley and Marcus look at him.
RYAN
Do something funny!CARLEY
In a minute. Go play.Ryan squeezes the balloon animal until… POP! It bursts.
RYAN
Don’t fuck with me! It’s my birthday.MARCUS
Hey, watch your mouth kid.RYAN
Do as I say… RIGHT NOW!Ryan screams at the top of his lungs. The adults look over.
MARCUS
Easy buddy!Ryan kicks Marcus hard in the shin.
MARCUS
Ow!Ryan kicks him again. Marcus dances back and—A GLOB OF CAKE whacks Ryan in the face.
Stunned, he turns. Carley is next to his cake, a chunk missing from the side, and her hand covered in frosting.
The two clowns laugh as Ryan stands there stunned.
There’s an electricity between them. The clowns lean in for a kiss. The children can’t believe their eyes.
KIDS
EWWW!The clowns stop and look at the kids.
CARLEY
What? This is what adults do.Ryan moves to the front of the group of kids.
RYAN
You’re ruining my birthday!Ryan yells again, drawing his mother’s attention. She storms over.
RYAN’S MOM
Buddy, what’s wrong!?She sees the cake. The clowns making out beside it.
RYAN’S MOM
What did you do? You idiots!Marcus and Carley grab a handful of cake each and hurl it into Ryan Mom’s face.
She wipes it out of her eyes and starts screaming. Her perfect face ruined. Ryan starts screaming again.
But the other kids are loving it. They’re laughing, cheering, fully engaged.
The other parents on the boat react with horror.
MARCUS
We’re available for birthday parties, special events, or just if you’re bored on a Saturday!Dad and security guard coming over.
DAD
Get off my boat! Now!CARLEY
Shall we?MARCUS
In a second.He plants a kiss on her.
END OF SCENE
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Amechi’s QE CYCLE #5 REWRITE
SITUATION: Brandy protects Phillip when talking to the police, but is then arrested. The next scene reveals that Phillip set the whole thing up.
SCENE ARC: From Phillip looking innocent to Phillip looking evil.
SCENE
INT. MANSION – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
BRANDY, 50s, a woman who’s best years are behind her, but in her mind she’s right in the middle of them. She leads in DET. SUMMERS, 60s, fit, sharp eyed, and DET. GANZ, 30s, heavyset, suspicious of everything.
PHILLIP, 20, Brandy’s son, uncomfortable in his own skin, and does everything he can not to be noticed, lingers by the room’s entrance.
BRANDY
I’m the woman of the house. Can I get you anything?The detectives shake their heads, “No”.
BRANDY
My late husband…
(A theatrical hand to her chest)
God rest his soul… was one of the supreme architects that this city has ever seen. Did you know that?The detectives are puzzled by this.
PHILLIP
Mom, I don’t think they want to hear…A glare from Brandy silences Phillip.
BRANDY
Phillip is going to follow in his father’s footsteps, and create buildings as beautiful as these.She gestures to a series of miniature building models on top of the mantle piece, that depict glorious skyscrapers.
BRANDY
Isn’t that right, Phillip?PHILLIP
Yes, ma’am.BRANDY
It’s the least he can do after…She trails off.
DET. SUMMERS
We’re here because your son’s math professor is missing…BRANDY
Phillip had nothing to do with it.DET. GANZ
How can you know that?DET. SUMMERS
You can’t keep an eye on him 24/7…BRANDY
I don’t need to.DET GANZ
People saw them arguing about grades. It got pretty heated.PHILLIP
I feel bad about that, but I swear I kept under control, sir.BRANDY
He deserved an A. Phillip needs an A.PHILLIP
I worked really hard. I think I deserved a better grade. That’s all I said.BRANDY
The family name carries a lot of weight. Few people know the pressure he’s under to restore this family’s pride…PHILLIP
Mom spoke to him too…Brandy stares daggers at Phillip, who looks at the floor.
PHILLIP
Sorry, ma’am.DET SUMMERS
You spoke to Professor Bayer too?BRANDY
No… I mean, yes. In a friendly manner. It had nothing to do with Phillip.DET SUMMERS
You’re the woman who was seen screaming at him by his car…DET. GANZ
Was it about Phillip’s grade? You were scared of losing his dream?BRANDY
The professor and I used to… we had a relationship.PHILLIP
They were in a few community theater plays together.DET SUMMERS
And that’s it? Did it ever get more personal?Brandy flops down on the couch.
BRANDY
You know, I’m not feeling up to volunteering any more information. My son is no killer, and neither am I!DET. GANZ
Who said he was dead?BRANDY
You implied it. Do you have proof he’s not?!PHILLIP
Mom, you rest, I’ll show the detectives out.INT. MANSION – HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Phillip leads the detectives into the hallway and starts for the back of the house.
PHILLIP
This way please detectives.DET. SUMMERS
We came in through the front…PHILLIP
I apologize. The floor’s a little sticky.DET. SUMMERS
Sticky?PHILLIP
And wet. My mom just told me to mop it. This way is fine.The detectives exchange a look and follow Phillip through the kitchen and out to—
EXT. BACK GARDEN – CONTINUOUS
They cross towards the gate and walk past A SHED.
DET. SUMMERS
What’s in there?PHILLIP
My mom does her woodworking in there.The door is open.
DET. SUMMERS
Can we take a quick look?They head in without waiting for a response. Phillip doesn’t object but looks nervous.
INT. HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Brandy sees them entering the shed from upstairs. She bangs on the window to get Phillips attention but he doesn’t hear her. She hurries down.INT. SHED – MOMENTS LATER
Brandy rushes in. The detectives are looking around at the blocks of wood, sculptures, and works in progress.BRANDY
I thought you were leaving!DET. SUMMERS
And I thought you were sick…Caught, Brandy shakes her head.
BRANDY
I didn’t invite you in!DET. SUMMERS
Your son did.Brandy glares at Phillip again.
PHILLIP
Wait, I didn’t say…DET
This is your workshop, ma’am?Brandy nods.
BRANDY
Welcome! Can I get you anything?!PHILLIP
Am I allowed in, mom? I won’t touch anything.Brandy is fuming. She bumps one of her sculptures over. It hits the floor, startling the detectives. Det. Ganz notices something.
DET GANZ
What’s this?He turns, holding up a BLOODY KNIFE.
BRANDY
A knife.DET GANZ
Is this blood?BRANDY
Out! Right now! This instant!Something in the corner catches Det. Summers eye.
A man’s shoe…
On a foot… attached to a leg…
Detective Summers shoves aside a table revealing
The lifeless body of PROFESSOR MAYER.Brandy screams and turns to run. Det. Summers is on her before she makes the door, dragging her arms behind her back.
EXT. FRONT YARD – MOMENTS LATER
Brandy kicking and screaming the whole way as they lead her to the waiting car. Lights go on the neighbors home.
BRANDY
I’m a tax paying citizen! You can’t handle me like this!Brandy is driven away.
BRANDY
Phillip! Help me!PHILLIP
Let her go! She didn’t do anything!INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Phillip sits in the living room alone. He hears a noise, looks up. Det. Summers coming to him from the kitchen.
DET. SUMMERS
This doesn’t look good for your mom…PHILLIP
This is my fault. She was trying to protect me. Trying to help me…Phillip bursts into tears. Det. Summers pats him on the shoulder.
DET. SUMMERS
Hey, it’s gonna be okay…PHILLIP
No, it won’t. What am I supposed to do with my life now?DET. SUMMERS
Anything you want.Det. Summers leaves.
Phillip walks over to the mantle, where his father’s model buildings stand. And sweeps them all to the floor.
He turns to the window with a smile on his face and takes a deep relaxing breath.
END OF SCENE
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Amechi’s QE CYCLE #5
SITUATION: Brandy protects Phillip when talking to the police, but is then arrested. The next scene reveals that Phillip set the whole thing up.
SCENE ARC: From Phillip looking innocent to Phillip looking evil.
SCENE
INT. HOUSE
Brandy tells the police that Phillip was at home all night last night. She was there with him.BRANDY
I’m the woman of the house. Can I get you anything?The detectives shake their heads.
BRANDY
My late husband…
(A theatrical hand to her chest)
God rest his soul… was one of the supreme architects that this city has ever seen. Did you know that?The detectives are puzzled by this.
PHILLIP
Mom, I don’t think they want to hear…A glare from Brandy silences Phillip.
BRANDY
Phillip is going to follow in his father’s footsteps, and create buildings as beautiful as these.She gestures to a series of miniature building models on top of the mantle piece, that depict glorious skyscrapers.
BRANDY
Isn’t that right, Phillip?PHILLIP
Yes, ma’am.DET. SUMMERS
We’re here because your son’s math professor is missing…BRANDY
Phillip had nothing to do with it.DET. GANZ
How can you know that?DET. SUMMERS
You can’t keep an eye on him 24/7…BRANDY
I don’t need to.DET GANZ
People saw them arguing about grades. It got pretty heated.PHILLIP
I feel bad about that, but I swear I kept under control, sir.BRANDY
He deserved an A. Phillip needs an A.PHILLIP
I worked really hard. I think I deserved a better grade. That’s all I said.BRANDY
He’s has to follow in his father’s footsteps. Few people know the pressure he’s under to restore this family’s pride…PHILLIP
Mom spoke to him too…Brandy stares daggers at Phillip, who looks at the floor.
PHILLIP
Sorry, ma’am.DET SUMMERS
You spoke to Professor Bayer too?BRANDY
No… I mean, yes. In a friendly manner. It had nothing to do with Phillip.DET SUMMERS
You’re the woman who was seen screaming at him by his car…DET. GANZ
Was it about Phillip’s grade? You were scared of losing his dream?BRANDY
The professor and I used to… we had a relationship.PHILLIP
They were in a few community theater plays together.DET SUMMERS
And that’s it? Did it ever get more personal?Brandy flops down on the couch.
BRANDY
You know, I’m not feeling up to volunteering any more information. My son is no killer, and neither am I!DET. GANZ
Who said he was dead?BRANDY
You implied it. Do you have proof he’s not?!PHILLIP
Mom, you rest, I’ll show the detectives out.INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Phillip leads the detectives into the hallway and starts for the back of the house.
PHILLIP
This way please detectives.DET. SUMMERS
We came in through the front…PHILLIP
The floor’s a little sticky.DET. SUMMERS
Sticky?PHILLIP
And wet. My mom just told me to mop it. This way is fine.The detectives exchange a look and follow Phillip through the kitchen and out to—
EXT. BACK YARD – CONTINUOUS
They cross towards the gate and walk past A SHED.
DET. SUMMERS
What’s in there?PHILLIP
My mom does her woodworking in there.The door is open.
DET. SUMMERS
Can we take a quick look?They head in without waiting for a response. Phillip doesn’t object but looks nervous.
INT. HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Brandy sees them entering the shed from upstairs. She bangs on the window to get Phillips attention but he doesn’t hear her. She hurries down.INT. SHED – MOMENTS LATER
Brandy rushes in. The detectives are looking around at the blocks of wood, sculptures, and works in progress.BRANDY
I thought you were leaving!DET. SUMMERS
And I thought you were sick…Caught, Brandy shakes her head.
BRANDY
I didn’t invite you in!DET. SUMMERS
Your son did.Brandy glares at Phillip again.
PHILLIP
Wait, I didn’t say…DET
This is your workshop, ma’am?Brandy nods.
BRANDY
Welcome! Can I get you anything?!PHILLIP
Am I allowed in, mom? I won’t touch anything.Brandy is fuming. She bumps one of her sculptures over. It hits the floor, startling the detectives. Det. Ganz notices something.
DET GANZ
What’s this?He turns, holding up a BLOODY KNIFE.
BRANDY
A knife.DET GANZ
Is this blood?BRANDY
Out! Right now! This instant!Something in the corner catches Det. Summers eye.
A man’s shoe…
On a foot… attached to a leg…
Detective Summers shoves aside a table revealing
The body of PROFESSOR MAYER.Brandy screams and turns to run. Det. Summers is on her before she makes the door, dragging her arms behind her back.
EXT. FRONT YARD – MOMENTS LATER
Brandy kicking and screaming the whole way as they lead her to the waiting car. Lights go on the neighbors home.
BRANDY
I’m a tax paying citizen! You can’t handle me like this!Brandy is driven away.
BRANDY
Phillip! Help me!PHILLIP
Let her go! She didn’t do anything!INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Phillip sits in the living room alone. He hears a noise, looks up. Det. Summers coming to him from the kitchen.
DET. SUMMERS
This doesn’t look good for your mom…PHILLIP
This is my fault. She was trying to protect me. Trying to help me…Phillip bursts into tears. Det. Summers pats him on the shoulder.
DET. SUMMERS
Hey, it’s gonna be okay…PHILLIP
No, it won’t. What am I supposed to do with my life now?DET. SUMMERS
Anything you want.Det. Summers leaves.
Phillip walks over to the mantle, where his father’s model buildings stand. And sweeps them all to the floor.
He turns to the window with a smile on his face and takes a deep relaxing breath.
END OF SCENE
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Amechi’s Interest Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is that the different interest techniques should be applied at different stages of writing a scene.After being screwed over, Person A returns to Person B to request a truce…but in the next scene, we see that they are actually setting up Person B.
LOGLINE:
1. After discovering that Tom lied about having an affair, Jane returns to Tom to request a truce… but in the next scene we see she is actually setting Tom up to fail in front of the talent scout who has come to watch their duo act.INTEREST TECHNIQUE IDEAS:
1. SUSPENSE – Is Jane going to tell Tom what she saw?
2. MAJOR TWIST – Jane does the duo act by herself.
3. SURPRISE – Tom finds the door locked.
4. PUT IN A MORE INTERESTING SETTING – Originally had an office setting but put it in a comedy club instead.
5. MISLEAD/REVEAL – Tom tells Jane that he loves her / he’s seeing another woman.
Tom says he’s going to the bathroom / She catches him talking intimately with another woman.
6. CHARACTER CHANGES RADICALLY – Jane is nice to Tom / She calls him a bastard behind his back.
7. BETRAYAL – Jane sees Tom talking intimately with another woman.
8. SUPERIOR POSITION / DRAMATIC IRONY – Jane knows what Tom did.
9. UNCERTAINTY (HOPE/FEAR) – Will Jane and tom be okay together.
10. INTRIGUE – Why doesn’t she confront him?
11. HOOK – This is their big chance.
12. DILEMMA – Confront Tom or keep the act going?
13. PREDICTIONS – They’re going to be famous after this
14. SOMETHING UNSEEN – The woman reacting to Tom’s yelling.
15. MYSTERY – Why doesn’t Jane confront him?
16. CREATING A FUTURE – They will be famous in the future.
17. ANTICIPATORY DIALOGUE – Jane is ruining their big chance.
18. CLIFFHANGER – Jane beginning the duo act by herself.
19. UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT – Jane on stage alone.INT. BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Jane, a dreamer and a clown, late 20s, dressed in a green dress, stares at something, trying not to cry.
She’s watching TOM, 30’s, wearing a suit. He’s charming man prone to fits of anger, and is speaking closely with a WOMAN, half hidden in the dark shadows of the backstage area. The woman laughs and touches his arm. It’s a charged moment between them. As Tom leans in to kiss her…
Jane storms away.
INT. DRESSING ROOM – NIGHT
Jane enters. Tom is there, sipping a whiskey.TOM
There you are, my love.JANE
Sorry, I went to the bathroom too.TOM
Nerves?JANE
I’m feeling a little sick.TOM
We must have missed each other.JANE
Yes, we must have.TOM
I definitely missed you.He comes over and tries to kiss her. She avoids it.
JANE
You’ll ruin my make up.TOM
Can’t have that. Are you ready for the biggest moment of your lives?JANE
Can’t let anything ruin it, can we?TOM
We’re going to get signed after this. It’s you and me, all the way to the top.Jane smiles. Then looks concerned.
JANE
Oops. I forgot one of my gloves. Can you get it for me? I don’t wanna trip over a cable in the dark in these shoes.Tom bows and heads off.
Jane waits a beat… then follows.
INT. DRESSING ROOM – NIGHT
Tom enters and looks up at the mirror. Written in lipstick is: I KNOW.
He turns for the door. Tries it. Locked. He yanks on the door. Banging on it.
TOM
Jane! Jane!EXT. DRESSING ROOM – NIGHT
Jane sits outside the dressing room. She opens a make up bag. Tom keeps banging on the door. Jane ignores it.
TOM
Jane! What are you doing?! This is our big moment!The woman approaches, concerned by the knocking.
Jane glares at her. “Keep walking”. The woman turns and leaves.INT. STAGE – NIGHT
The HOST, 50s, good natured extrovert, is at the microphone.
HOST
Alright, enough from me. Let’s give a warm welcome to tonight’s headlining act… Jane and Tom!The crowd applauds the next act coming out to the stage. The applause dies and then…
Jane walks out sideways. A spotlight follows her as she moves to the center of the stage. Another spotlight follows an empty space, eventually meeting up with Jane.
Jane looks up at the Talent Agent. He doesn’t look impressed. Nervous, still facing sideways, Jane clears her throat.
JANE
You’re all here to see the best comedy duo act in the city. Well it’s going to star me…Jane does a 180 degree turn revealing—
The other half of her face is made up to match Tom’s, complete with a drawn on mustache.
JANE
(As Tom)
And me!The audience laughs. Jane sees the Talent Agent smile.
JANE
Let’s get started!END OF SCENE
-
LOGLINE: Monica fights Troy to protect their son from the bounty hunter.
ESSENCE: Troy is looking out for himself.
INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Troy opens the door and sees Monica waiting for him. Startled, he recovers quickly and smiles.
TROY
Hey.
MONICA
I thought you said you were done with your women.
TROY
I’m sorry…
MONICA
You had me thinking you’ve changed.
TROY
You know me. All about myself.
MONICA
Yeah. You still have to excuse yourself to the bathroom and whisper to them. Unless you want to tell me something different?
TROY
No.
Monica stares at him, not believing him.
TROY
I’m a dog, Monica. You know that about me. Loyal to no one but myself.
MONICA
So who is it? Do I know her?
Troy doesn’t answer. He turns the phone in his hand.
Monica lunges and snatches it from him.
TROY
Hey!
INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Monica stares at the phone, scrolling through to find who he was calling.
Troy follows her, anxious.
TROY
Hey! Give that back!
MONICA
I have a right to know who…
And she sees it. She dials the number.
HERA (ON THE PHONE)
I’m pulling up now…
Monica’s breath catches in her throat. She can’t speak. Crushed, she looks at TROY as—
WHAM! His fist smashes her to the floor. He recovers his phone. Puts it in his pocket.
TROY
I told you to—
Monica leaps on him. Rocks him with a punch.
MONICA
How could you?!
She throws a flurry of punches and kicks at him. A blow cuts his cheek open. A few more of Monica’s punches land, but Troy blocks the rest and smashes a headbutt into her nose. She staggers backwards.
MONICA
You said you would help us! Help our son!
TROY
This IS helping him! He needs to face up to what he’s done.
Troy attacks Monica. She tries to fend him off but he’s too strong in the rage he’s in. He throws her into the bookcase.
EXT. HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Lance sits on the motorbike. Pretending to rev the engine. He looks back at the living room. No one is there.
VOICES from across the street draw his attention. A TRIO OF TEENS about his age, passing by. He watches them go by, missing in the window behind him – HIS MOTHER AND FATHER FIGHTING THEIR WAY ACROSS THE LIVING ROOM.
INT. HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
A book hits Troy in the head. Monica throws a few more hard covers, driving him back into—
BATHROOM
She pulls on the door, trying to lock him in.
He holds the door open, drags her in and tosses her into the bath.
He hits her on the head. She goes down, groggy. Pushes herself to her knees.
Troy grabs her wrist. Slaps a handcuff on it. She’s chained to the sink before she realizes it.
TROY
You should have just stayed quiet.
Monica looks up at the handcuff.
SLAM.
The door is closed. Troy is gone.
MONICA YELLS.
EXT. HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Troy jogs outside, hurries over to Lance, getting off of the bike. Sees Troy, with a hand over his face, covering his injuries.
LANCE
Sorry.
TROY
No, no. It’s cool. C’mere.
Troy hugs Lance close. Lance smiles at the show of affection from his father. He sinks into the hug.
INT. BATHROOM
Monica pulls on the handcuff. It’s going nowhere. Looks at the pipe it’s chained to. She pulls on it. Testing its strength.
EXT. HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Troy turns Lance towards the street. It’s dark. A pair of HEADLIGHTS slowly make their way from the end of the street towards them.
TROY
This world can be harsh, son. But you have to remember… everything happens for a reason.
Lance watches the headlights coming.
INT. BATHROOM
Monica still pulling on the handcuffs… the pipe giving a little. Water trickling from a joint.
MONICA
LANCE!
There’s no response and she’s not expecting one. It’s more about what she’s fighting for in this moment… She pulls again on the handcuff.
Monica, teeth gritted, the handcuff eating into her skin, blood trickling…
EXT. HOUSE
Troy with Lance. The headlights close now. Lance’s eyes on them.
TROY
The world owes you nothing. And will demand you pay for things even when it’s not your fault…
Lance is getting anxious.
INT. BATHROOM
The pipe leaking water now—
EXT. HOUSE
TROY
So don’t feel bad about the good and bad that come at you. Life is random, and there’s always a way out of the mess you get yourself in.
The headlights roll by. It’s an old junk sedan, barely able to move.
Lance looks up at his father’s face. Sees blood trickling from his cheek.
LANCE
What happened to your face?
EXT. BATHROOM
THE PIPE pops off. Water gushes out.
Monica jumps to her feet, shoulders her way through the door.
EXT. HOUSE
LANCE
Dad, what happened to your face?
TROY
Paying for my sins early.
Troy’s eyes are on the street. Lance looks and sees…
Coming from the other direction – A SLEEK VAN. A VIPER on the insignia on the side of it above the words: VIPER BOUNTY HUNTER SERVICES.
Lance tenses up. Tries to run but
Troy’s hand grips Lance’s neck, holding him in place.
Lance looks at Troy. Horrified.
TROY
Don’t… Just stay.
LANCE
Dad…?
TROY
It’s going to be okay. You’re helping the family.
The van’s doors slide open. -
Amechi’s Character Relationships
What I learned doing this assignment was to do a contrast/compare pass on my characters traits to make sure that their traits are designed for them to have interesting relationships that will continue to create conflict between them.
CHARACTER TRAITS
ED – 1. Superior 2. Bully 3. Manipulative 4. Arrogant
RIZ – 1. Inferior 2. Intimidating 3. Romantic 4. Impatient
STONE – 1. Inquisitive 2. Realist 3. Pushy 4. Elegant
BETTY – 1. Loyal 2. Professional 3. Nostalgic 4. SecretivePAIRS
ED & RIZ
ED – 1. Superior 2. Bully 3. Manipulative 4. Arrogant
RIZ – 1. Inferior 2. Intimidating 3. Romantic 4. ImpatientRAPPORT: Both string willed with their bully and intimidating traits.
CONFLICT: Ed’s bully trait with Rio’s intimidating trait.
CONTRAST: Ed’s superior trait with Riz’s inferior trait.
COMPETITION: Fighting for power and influence. Ed can slowly manipulate while Rio will work to get what he wants quickly (Impatient)
SUBTEXT: Ed tries to manipulate while Riz uses fear.Change Riz’s impatient trait to SCARED
ED & STONE
ED – 1. Superior 2. Bully 3. Manipulative 4. Arrogant
STONE – 1. Inquisitive 2. Realist 3. Pushy 4. ElegantRAPPORT: Ed’s arrogance about the way things are can work with Stone’s realist trait.
CONFLICT: Ed will try to bully his way out of control but Stone will be pushy to get answers.
CONTRAST: Ed tries to manipulate but Stone is inquisitive and pushes to find out the truth.
COMPETITION: Manipulative vs Pushy again.
SUBTEXT: Manipulative vs PushyCHANGE Ed’s ARROGANT trait to LIAR would provide more conflict with Stone’s inquisitive, realist, and pushy traits.
ED & BETTY
ED – 1. Superior 2. Bully 3. Manipulative 4. Arrogant
BETTY – 1. Loyal 2. Professional 3. Nostalgic 4. SecretiveCHANGE ED’S ARROGANT TRAIT TO LIAR
RAPPORT: Ed’s Superior trait can work well with Berry’s professional trait, and his bully trait can also help in those settings.
CONFLICT: Ed’s lies won’t work with Betty’s professional trait.
CONTRAST:
COMPETITION: Ed trying to be superior when Betty is loyal to their company.
SUBTEXT: Ed works to manipulate people but Betty can choose to expose his secrets or keep secrets of her own.Ed’s Liar trait with Betty’s secretive trait.
RIZ & STONE
RIZ – 1. Inferior 2. Intimidating 3. Romantic 4. Impatient
STONE – 1. Inquisitive 2. Realist 3. Pushy 4. ElegantRAPPORT: Their romantic and elegant traits can work together when they’re in sync.
CONFLICT: Riz is impatient and Stone is pushy.
CONTRAST: Riz wants to romanticize events and the past while Stone is inquisitive about the truth and a realist about what they mean.
COMPETITION: Riz is intimidating to get what he wants while Stone is inquisitive to find out what is really going on and using that to her advantage.
SUBTEXT: Riz feels inferior to things and people while Stone is pushy to get what she wants.RIZ & BETTY
RIZ – 1. Inferior 2. Intimidating 3. Romantic 4. Impatient
BETTY – 1. Loyal 2. Professional 3. Nostalgic 4. SecretiveChange Riz’s inferior trait to disloyal.
RAPPORT: The nostalgic and romantic traits could work here.
CONFLICT: They could fight about loyalty and what the events of the past mean to the present and future.
CONTRAST: Riz is disloyal to the company while Betty is loyal to it.
COMPETITION: As they both chase power, Riz fights for himself while Betty goes for power and influence of the company overall.
SUBTEXT: Riz intimidates people while Betty works in secret.STONE & BETTY
STONE – 1. Inquisitive 2. Realist 3. Pushy 4. Elegant
BETTY – 1. Loyal 2. Professional 3. Nostalgic 4. SecretiveStone’s elegant trait changed to
RAPPORT:
CONFLICT: Stone being real about the truth while Betty is loyal to people who have done wrong and willing to keep secrets.
CONTRAST: Stone willing to admit faults and wrongs while Betty is professional and willing to keep secrets to preserve the glory of the company’s past.
COMPETITION: Stone is a realist about the future but Betty is nostalgic about the past.
SUBTEXT: Stone wants to be real, and pushes for that while Betty wants to keep secrets to preserve the company’s reputation. -
QE CYCLE #4 – SECOND DRAFT
LOGLINE: Renee learns that Maxine is being blackmailed and sneaks her out of their party.
ESSENCE: Renee lied to Maxine about keeping the secret to get her in trouble with the media.
TRAIT YOU CHANGED: Renee’s PRISSY to DEPRESSED
SCENE:
INT. MANSION – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Grand and empty. A space for looking at rather than living in.
Hurried high-heeled footsteps sound outside then… The door bangs open.
MAXINE GREEN, 50s, hurries in, scared, and closes the door quietly behind her. She moves to the center of the room, head on a swivel, expecting to see someone. She’s clutching a crumpled sheet of paper in her hand.
MAXINE
Anyone in here?No answer. She grabs a pillow from a sofa and screams into it, muffling the sound. She jumps as the door bangs open–
RENEE CROWE, 50s, enters. Ending a conversation with someone outside. Renee closes the door but Maxine has disappeared.
RENEE
Maxine?Maxine stays low on the couch. Trying to hide. Renee moves deeper into the room, searching.
RENEE
I saw you come in here…
(Spots her)There you are. You’re not hiding from us are you?
Maxine doesn’t answer.
RENEE
Maxine. This is your night! Everyone’s looking for you and I can’t keep singing your praises to them. They want to see your face.RENEE
Do they want to kill me?RENEE
What? No, silly goose. We want to congratulate you.Maxine’s lip trembles. Renee sees her pain and sits beside her.
RENEE
What’s going on? Is it the…?MAXINE
You swore not to tell anyone.RENEE
I know how secrets work.MAXINE
Well, someone knows…Maxine offers Renee the paper. Renee unballs it and reads.
RENEE
Oh god…MAXINE
Who wrote this?RENEE
This hurts me too. I’m your right hand gal in this charity. I can’t believe that one of our friends out there is capable of writing this.
MAXINE
It has to have been one of those do-gooders out there. The way they look at me.
RENEE
That’s just jealousy, hun. They’d love to be in your Christian Louboutins.MAXINE
I can’t face them. At least one of them thinks I stole their money. Maybe they all know…
RENEE
I thought you put the money back?MAXINE
I did! But if I tell them I had to cover some credit card payments, no one will understand that!
RENEE
I’m no different to anyone else and I understand. Life’s no beach for me either.
MAXINE
Renee, I know life is hard, but you have no idea… no idea how hard it is to run a children’s charity! I have to smile, no matter how I feel!
RENEE
I get it friend. I’ll get you out of here.
Renee gets Maxine out of her seat.
Through the window we see a NEWS TRUCK drive up the pathway outside.
HALLWAY
Renee walks Maxine down the hallway away from the ballroom where well-heeled people are mingling.
RENEE
You know, when you asked me to do this with you, I didn’t hesitate. I love my job, but isn’t your position taking too much of a toll on you?
MAXINE
How would you feel? If some lowlife was trying to bribe you for helping sick children!
RENEE
Well, if the question is to confess what you’ve done or pay the bribe—
MAXINE
I’m not paying some scumbag who’s afraid of facing me.RENEE
So you’ll confess? Go to the media?Maxine scoffs.
MAXINE
I’ll confess to my lawyers. They’ll fix this, and whoever’s trying to kill me.
RENEE
Not kill, bribe you. Maybe just paying would be cheaper than your lawyers. How are you going to pay them anyway? You know, with your money troubles?
Maxine stays quiet.
RENEE
The kids come first, right? That’s what I believe…
Maxine still doesn’t answer. They keep walking.
RENEE
And I thought you only borrowed a couple of thousand. The note says close to a million…Maxine is near tears. She quickens her pace.
And they see a crowd of party goers ahead.
PARTY GUEST #1 waves and points at Maxine.
Maxine looks like she’s about to pass out.
RENEE
I was sure this hallway was empty.Renee double takes at Maxine who is shaking like a leaf.
MAXINE
I—I can’t…
Renee steers Maxine for another door.
INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
The Caterers are setting more food and drinks onto trays. They look at the two women, puzzled at the intrusion.
RENEE
(to Caterers)
Keep up the good work everyone! The food’s great!
The Caterers smile and continue working. Renee leads Maxine toward the back door.
RENEE
What would you even do with all that money? You’re rich enough, right?
MAXINE
Exactly. Theft is so far beneath me…Renee fixes Maxine’s hair. Then whips out a handkerchief for some low level maintenance on Maxine’s make-up.
RENEE
The fact that someone would think that someone of your stature was unfit to run such a distinguished and revered children’s charity… Well, that just makes me sick to my stomach. The good work we do together in the name of love can’t be measured. And some no good disgusting dirt bag trying to end what we do… I can’t have that. WE can’t have that.
MAXINE
(defiant)
We are going to destroy them.
RENEE
Maybe give ‘em a few choice words instead of physical violence… But yes, it’s going to be fine.
Maxine wipes away a few tears and smiles through her pain.
MAXINE
It is going to be fine.
RENEE
Unless… this person knows more than they’re letting on. Were they right with the high dollar amount?
MAXINE
I didn’t do anything wrong.
RENEE
Of course not. Public perception is so important.Renee gives Maxine a wide smile. Maxine has a wary look on her face.
MAXINE
We’ll circle back to that raise you wanted next week?
RENEE
Unless you pay that bribe.MAXINE
If I pay it, how do I know they’ll stop?RENEE
You’ll have to trust them.MAXINE
I trust you.RENEE
And I trust you. I trust that if you have the opportunity you’ll do the right thing.
RENEE
Goodnight, Maxine. I’ll take it from here.The two women hug. Renee pushes open the door and bundles Maxine through, out into–
EXT. MANSION – NIGHT
Maxine emerges and finds herself surrounded by news reporters. A gaggle of cameramen, lenses like a gaggle of cyclopes, bright lights, cameras flash. Microphones are shoved in her face. And a torrent of questions–
NEWS REPORTER
Maxine, how could you steal from children?NEWS REPORTER #2
Maxine, are the allegations true?
NEWS REPORTER #3
Maxine, did you steal from the charity set up in your dead husband’s name?
Maxine is shellshocked, but recovers quickly. She turns up her nose and puts on a smile.
MAXINE
I don’t have to talk to you swine!Maxine turns, tries the door. It’s locked.
As the reporters bombard her with more questions.
INSIDE
Renee, looking a little sad, leans against the door, listening.OUTSIDE
Maxine still trying the door, she knocks on it with her fist. Getting anxious now.
REPORTER #1
Are you aware you will be facing criminal charges for defrauding a charity?
MAXINE
No… No comment.
REPORTER #2
What would you even do with the money? You’re rich enough, right?
And it clicks…
MAXINE
Renee…
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Renee, stone-faced, looks at the caterers. She grabs a bottle of champagne.
RENEE
I wish I felt like celebrating.END OF SCENE
-
QE CYCLE #1 – FIRST DRAFT
LOGLINE: Renee learns that Maxine is being blackmailed and sneaks her out of their party.
ESSENCE: Renee lied to Maxine about keeping the secret to get her in trouble with the media.
TRAIT YOU CHANGED: Renee’s PRISSY to DEPRESSED
SCENE:
INT. MANSION – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Grand and empty. The door bangs open.
MAXINE, 50s, hurries in, scared, and closes the door quietly behind her. She moves to the center of the room, head on a swivel, expecting to see someone. She’s clutching a crumpled sheet of paper in her hand.
MAXINE
Anyone in here?No answer. She jumps as the door bangs open–
RENEE, 50s, enters. Ending a conversation with someone outside. Renee closes the door but Maxine has disappeared.
RENEE
Maxine?Maxine stays low on the couch. Trying to hide. Renee moves deeper into the room, searching.
RENEE
I saw you come in here…
(Spots her)There you are. You’re not hiding from us are you?
Maxine doesn’t answer.
RENEE
Maxine. This is your night! Everyone’s looking for you and I can’t keep singing your praises to them. They want to see your face.RENEE
Do they want to kill me?RENEE
What? No. We want to congratulate you.Maxine’s lip trembles. Renee sees her pain and sits beside her.
RENEE
What’s going on? Is it the…?MAXINE
You swore not to tell anyone.RENEE
I know how secrets work.MAXINE
Well, someone knows…Maxine offers Renee the paper. Renee unballs it and reads.
RENEE
Oh god…MAXINE
Who wrote this?RENEE
This hurts me too. I’m your right hand in this charity. I’ve made friends with those people out there.
MAXINE
It must be one of those do-gooders out there who wrote this. The way they look at me.
RENEE
That’s just jealousy. They’d love to be in your shoes.MAXINE
I can’t face them. At least one of them thinks I stole their money. Maybe they all know…
RENEE
I thought you put the money back?MAXINE
I just had to cover some credit card payments. No one will understand that!
RENEE
I do. Life’s no beach for me you know.
MAXINE
Renee, I know life is hard, but you have no idea… no idea how hard it is to run a children’s charity! I have to smile, no matter how I feel!
RENEE
I get it friend. I’ll get you out of here.
Renee gets Maxine out of her seat.
Through the window we see A news truck drives up the pathway outside.
HALLWAY
Renee walks Maxine down the hallway away from the ballroom where well-heeled people are mingling.
RENEE
You know, when you asked me to do this with you, I didn’t hesitate. I love my job, but isn’t your position taking too much of a toll on you?
MAXINE
How would you feel? If some lowlife was trying to bribe you for helping sick children!
RENEE
Well, if the question is to confess what you’ve done or pay the bribe—
MAXINE
I’m not paying some scumbag who’s afraid of facing me.RENEE
So you’ll confess? Go to the media?Maxine scoffs.
MAXINE
I’ll confess to my lawyers. They’ll fix this, and whoever’s trying to kill me.
RENEE
Bribe you. Maybe just paying would be cheaper than your lawyers. How are you going to pay them, with your money troubles?
Maxine stays quiet.
RENEE
The kids comes first, right?
Maxine still doesn’t answer. They keep walking.
RENEE
And I thought you only borrowed a couple of thousand. The note says close to a million…Maxine is near tears. She quickens her pace.
And they see a crowd of party goers ahead.
PARTY GUEST #1 waves and points at Maxine.
Maxine looks like she’s about to pass out.
RENEE
I was sure this hallway was empty.Renee double takes at Maxine who is shaking like a leaf.
MAXINE
I—I can’t…
Renee steers Maxine for another door.
INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
The Caterers are setting more food and drinks onto trays. They look at the two women, puzzled at the intrusion.
RENEE
(to Caterers)
Keep up the good work everyone! The food’s great!
The Caterers smile and continue working. Renee leads Maxine toward the back door.
RENEE
What would you even do with all that money? You’re rich enough, right?
MAXINE
Exactly. Theft is so far beneath me…RENEE
The fact that someone would think that someone of your stature was unfit to run such a distinguished and revered children’s charity… Well, that just makes me sick to my stomach. The good work we do together in the name of love can’t be measured. And some no good disgusting dirt bag trying to end what we do… I can’t have that. WE can’t have that.
MAXINE
(defiant)
We are going to destroy them.
RENEE
Yes. It’s going to be fine.
Maxine wipes away a few tears and smiles through her pain.
MAXINE
It is going to be fine.
RENEE
Unless… this person knows more than they’re letting on. Were they right with the high dollar amount?
MAXINE
I didn’t do anything wrong.
RENEE
Of course not. Public perception is so important.Renee gives Maxine a wide smile. Maxine has a wary look on her face.
MAXINE
We’ll circle back to that raise you wanted next week?
RENEE
Unless you pay that bribe.MAXINE
If I pay it, how do I know they’ll stop?RENEE
You’ll have to trust them.MAXINE
I trust you.RENEE
And I trust you. I trust that if you have the opportunity you’ll do the right thing.
RENEE
Goodnight, Maxine. I’ll take it from here.The two women hug. Renee pushes open the door and bundles Maxine through, out into–
EXT. MANSION – NIGHT
Maxine emerges and finds herself surrounded by news reporters. A gaggle of cameramen, lenses like a gaggle of cyclopes, bright lights, cameras flash. Microphones are shoved in her face. And a torrent of questions–
NEWS REPORTER
Maxine, how could you steal from children?NEWS REPORTER #2
Maxine, are the allegations true?
NEWS REPORTER #3
Maxine, did you steal from the charity set up in your dead husband’s name?
Maxine is shellshocked, but recovers quickly. She turns up her nose and puts on a smile.
MAXINE
I don’t have to talk to you swine!Maxine turns, tries the door. It’s locked.
As the reporters bombard her with more questions.
INSIDE
Renee leans against the door, listening. A smile blossoms on her face.OUTSIDE
REPORTER #1
Are you aware you will be facing criminal charges for defrauding a charity?
MAXINE
No… No comment.
REPORTER #2
What would you even do with the money? You’re rich enough, right?
And it clicks…
MAXINE
Renee…
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Renee looks at the caterers. She grabs a bottle of champagne.
RENEE
Who wants to celebrate my new promotion?END OF SCENE
-
REWRITE OF DAY 14 SCENE
EXT. MANSION – NIGHT
THE BARE FEET of a muscular man disappear around a corner between the pool house and some bushes. SQUIRE, 30s, emerges, adjusting a black guard’s uniform that’s a little too tight for him. He has a face you don’t recognize but instinctively trust. He walks alongside a pool, checking out his reflection.
SQUIRE
(to himself)
Looking good, sir.A FEMALE SECURITY GUARD watches him from near the mansion’s back door. She eyes him suspiciously. He holds her gaze and winks at her. She looks away, flustered and he quickly skips past her.
Squire continues around the–
SIDE OF MANSION
A camera is mounted high on a wall. Squire, hanging from a rope, whistles to himself as he climbs from below it and eases himself around it, so as not to be seen. He pulls himself onto the—
ROOFTOP
And swings a small bag off his back. He opens it, removing small metal tubes and starts piecing them together.
SQUIRE
And this bit goes here…He assembles them into a SNIPER RIFLE. He looks down the scope…
SCOPE POV
And swings his aim down towards a man walking over to the pool. The man’s back is to Squire. Squire focuses squarely between the man’s shoulders. Then suddenly swings his vision to the large back yard of the next house, where a WOMAN, 60s, sits reading a book on a lounge chair. This is TINA, a woman with so many secrets, she’s even instinctively covering up the title of the book she’s reading. The crosshairs jerk slightly.
BACK TO SCENE
Squire realizes the sniper rifle is trembling in his hands. Nerves. Weird. He smiles to himself, exhales.
SQUIRE
Let’s do what we came to do.Places his finger on the trigger…
A pistol is pressed against his head.He glances over at NANCY, 40s, athletic, cold lizard eyes concealing her warm heart. Right now she looks furious. Squire cracks a smile. Nancy doesn’t go for it.
SQUIRE
Hey love. The bosses sent you too?NANCY
They knew you’d mess up.SQUIRE
And you’re here to clean up the mess when I do?NANCY
I have a better way to do this so I thought I’d save you the trouble. Why don’t you just go home early?SQUIRE
Um, I like getting paid? How long have you been waiting for me?NANCY
I wasn’t waiting for you.SQUIRE
So this is just where you normally meet contract killers?Nancy sighs and lowers the pistol.
NANCY
Six hours.SQUIRE
Can I finish this? We can catch up over a drink.NANCY
This means more to me than it does to you.SQUIRE
I’d let you take the shot, but we both know you can’t aim for shit.NANCY
I don’t miss.SQUIRE
Not even me?NANCY
Especially not you. You’re a distraction.SQUIRE
Still blaming me for all your flaws?NANCY
Go home, Squire. Tina’s going to die.SQUIRE
And I really really have to be the one to pull the trigger.They look over as a delivery truck rumbles to a stop outside the front of Nancy’s home. A driver hops out with a box and carries it to the front door.
Squire sees Nancy’s eyes light up as Tina gets up to answer the door.
NANCY
Maybe neither of us need to get our hands dirty.SQUIRE
(re: Delivery)
One of your special deliveries?NANCY
To clean up your mess, I’m going to make a bigger one.SQUIRE
Unless I shoot her first.NANCY
Maybe she’ll open the package inside.SQUIRE
So why even come?NANCY
I want to see the whites of her eyes before she goes. I want to be here to make sure she’s not clawing to hang on to her life.SQUIRE
It’s always more fun being up close.He gives her a grin. She’s not going for it.
NANCY
Who cares? As long as the job gets done.The delivery van pulls off. A CAR zips into the driveway. A pair of LITTLE GIRLS get out of the car and hurry for the door, ahead of their mother.
Squire and Nancy exchange a worried look.
SQUIRE
Um… Are you going to stop this or…?NANCY
We can’t.Squire tries to get up. Nancy holds him down. He knocks his sniper rifle off the roof.
They watch in horror as it tumbles and—A YELL.
They peek over the edge. Lying on the ground next to the gun is the man, blood streaming from his head.
The Female Security guard looks up at them and opens fire.
Nancy ducks out of the way.
Squire looks next door. Tina is in the back yard with the package, staring up at them.
Nancy bumps Squire aside, takes aim at Tina’s chest and squeezes the trigger.
-
Amechi’s QE PROCESS #3 First Draft
LOGLINE: Nancy and Squire both want to be the one to kill Tina.
ESSENCE: Nancy and Squire let their personal history get in the way of their jobs.
EXT. MANSION – NIGHT
THE BARE FEET of a muscular man disappear around a corner between the pool house and some bushes. SQUIRE emerges, adjusting a black guard’s uniform that’s a little too tight for him. He walks alongside a pool, checking out his reflection.
SQUIRE
(to himself)
Looking good, sir.A FEMALE SECURITY GUARD watches him from near the mansion’s back door. She eyes him suspiciously. He winks at her. She looks away.
Squire continues around the–
SIDE OF MANSION
A camera is mounted high on a wall. Squire, hanging from a rope, climbs from below it and eases himself around it, so as not to be seen. He pulls himself onto the—
ROOFTOP
And swings a small bag off his back. He opens it, removing small metal tubes that he assembles into a SNIPER RIFLE. He looks down the scope…
SCOPE POV
And swings his aim down towards a man walking over to the pool. The man’s back is to Squire. Squire focuses squarely between the man’s shoulders. Then suddenly swings his vision to the large back yard of the next house, where a WOMAN, 60s, sits reading a book on a lounge chair.
BACK TO SCENE
Squire places his finger on the trigger…
A pistol is pressed against his head.He glances over at NANCY, who looks furious. Squire cracks a smile.
SQUIRE
Hey love. The bosses sent you too?NANCY
They knew you’d mess up.SQUIRE
And you’re here to clean up the mess when I do?NANCY
I have a better way to do this. Why don’t you just go home?SQUIRE
I like getting paid? How long have you been up here?Nancy lowers the pistol.
NANCY
Six hours.SQUIRE
Can I finish this? We can catch up over a drink.NANCY
This means more to me than it does to you.SQUIRE
I’d let you take the shot, but we both know you can’t aim for shit.NANCY
I don’t miss.SQUIRE
Not even me?NANCY
Especially not you. You’re a distraction.SQUIRE
Still blaming me for all your flaws?NANCY
Go home, Squire. Tina’s going to die.SQUIRE
And I really have to be the one to pull the trigger.They look over as a delivery truck rumbles to a stop outside the front of Nancy’s home. A driver hops out with a box and carries it to the front door.
Squire sees Nancy’s eyes light up as Tina gets up to answer the door.
NANCY
Maybe neither of us need to.SQUIRE
(re: Delivery)
One of your special deliveries?NANCY
To clean up your mess, I’m going to make a bigger one.SQUIRE
Unless I shoot her first.NANCY
Maybe she’ll open the package inside.SQUIRE
So why even come?NANCY
I want to see the whites of her eyes before she goes. I want to be here to make sure.SQUIRE
It’s always more fun being up close.He gives her a grin. She’s not going for it.
NANCY
Who cares? As long as the job gets done.The delivery van pulls off. A CAR zips into the driveway. A pair of LITTLE GIRLS get out of the car and hurry for the door, ahead of their mother.
Squire and Nancy exchange a worried look.
SQUIRE
Um… Are you going to stop this or…?NANCY
We can’t.Squire tries to get up. Nancy holds him down. He knocks his sniper rifle off the roof.
They watch in horror as it tumbles and—A YELL.
They peek over the edge. Lying on the ground next to the gun is the man, blood streaming from his head.
The Female Security guard looks up at them and opens fire.
Nancy ducks out of the way.
Squire looks next door. Tina is in the back yard with the package, staring up at them.
Nancy bumps Squire aside, takes aim at Tina’s chest and squeezes the trigger.
-
Amechi’s Max Interest 2
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to make sure I include the essence in a scene and challenge my protagonist in some way.
1. Select the scene from your script that needs help and give us a logline for that scene.
Ed is trapped in his panic room as the fans try to break in and get him.
2. Tell us the essence of the scene.
Ed is forced to face up to the fans who he has dismissed as insignificant, but they can hurt him.
3. Tell us at least two (more if you can) interest techniques for the rewrite.
ANTICIPATORY DIALOGUE – HELLO?
HOOK – CHANTING OUTSIDE
CLIFFHANGER – Are they outside waiting for him?
4. Rewrite the scene using as many interest techniques as you can and include the newly rewritten scene in your post.
ED’S OFFICE
The door bangs open. A HORDE of ANGRY FANS flood into Ed’s office. Ed’s empty chair is spinning, but…
He’s not there. The fans take their anger out on Ed’s possessions, smashing everything in the office. Pub fan focuses on the TEAM EMBLEM hanging on the wall. He touches it.
CLOSE ON ED – In a dark place. Taking slow shallow breaths.
Flinching at the crashes and bangs, a trembling hand resting on the door in front of him.
Suddenly, it goes quiet. Ed holds his breath. WHISPERING VOICES
outside. Ed strains to listen.
He looks down at a DOOR HANDLE in front of him as it turns.
Ed grabs it. Holds it tight.
VOICE
He’s in there…PUB FAN
Can we have a moment of your time, Ed?
Derisory laughter from the others.
Ed holds his breath. The door handle shakes. Someone on the outside trying to get in. Ed holds it shut with all his strength. Fighting to keep the door closed.
ED
(whisper)
Please…(normal voice)
I’m sorry…
The door bucks, a shaft of daylight arcs in. Ed slams the door shut again, almost sobbing as he fights against the fans.
ED
(yells)
I’m sorry!Suddenly, the resistance stops. Ed waits, sweating…
It’s dead quiet. Ed slowly pushes the door open… -
Amechi’s Challenging Situations
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that challenging my characters will keep my readers engaged in my script.Scene 1:
A. Current Scene Logline: Billie gets a C on her paper for the first time and argues with the new teacher about it.
B. Essence: Billie thinks she’s exceptional, but the teacher humbles her.
C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.
Teacher makes an example of her in front of the class.
The teacher challenges her intelligence.
Billie makes a mistake, on top of being wrong.
All eyes are on Billie.
She has to go to the bathroom, but is running out of time on the test.
Her stomach rumbles as she starts pleading her case.D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.
The kids get their tests back.
Billie double takes at her C.
Billie quietly goes up to the teacher, who is praising the other students.
Billie is going to run out of time if she doesn’t speak up now and interrupts.
Billie’s answer was wrong and she missed it.
She compounds the error in front of the class.
They laugh at her and the teacher tells them to be nice. This makes it worse.
The bell rings.
The teacher tells her that she can’t always be right.
Billie has a new enemy.Scene 2: Trevor confronts Jennifer about changing the teacher’s schedules.
A. Current Scene Logline: Trevor confronts Jennifer at lunch to demand she give up some of her activities that have ruined his work schedule.
B. Essence: Trevor doesn’t want to put any effort into his job.
C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.
He wants to make his point and leave.
He thinks their job doesn’t make a difference.
His injury flares up again.
He tries to get other people on his side to go against Jennifer.D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.
Trevor doesn’t like the activity the teachers are doing for exercise.
Jennifer tells him it’s because he can’t do it.
Trevor says that’s nonsense and tries to show off. He ends up hurting himself.
He tries to get people on his side by saying Jennifer is destructive. But everyone is feeling good and happy with the changes.
Trevor is alone.
Jennifer gives him a bag of ice and tells him that maybe this job isn’t for him. -
Amechi’s inherently dramatic characters
What I learned doing this assignment is that building in strong character traits, is a good way to create more drama and stronger scenes.
OLD
BILLIE
Studious
Determined
Loner
Superior
Subtext: Saboteur
TREVOR
Slacker
Quick-witted
Enthusiastic
Jealous
Subtext: Concealing
JENNIFER
Spiritual
Positive
Streetwise
Friendly
Subtext: Manipulative
NEW
BILLIE
Bookworm
Realist
Lone Wolf
Scared
Subtext: Saboteur (Sabotages those around her so that she looks as good as possible.)
TREVOR
Slacker
Charming
Disillusioned
Jealous
Subtext: Concealing (Hides so that others have to do the work.)
JENNIFER
Spiritual
Enchanting
Streetwise
Slippery
Subtext: Manipulative (Manipulates people into conceding power to her.)
-
LOGLINE: Nick has hit John’s car with his truck, meaning John will miss his soccer game.
ESSENCE: Nick is trying stop John from beating his brother’s team in a soccer game.
SCENE:
AN AMBER LIGHT BLINKS.
A HAZARD LIGHT on a car…
A RED MUSTANG with it’s front caved in against a tree.
The driver’s door flops open. Out jumps JOHN, 17, athletic build, wearing a soccer uniform.
John rubs his sore neck and looks over his destroyed car. He touches it like it’s a dying friend.
He turns seeing a TRICKED OUT TRUCK in the middle of the intersection. The driver’s side headlight has been obliterated.
MAN (O.C.)
Are you okay, son?
John sees a MAN with a dog on a lead coming towards him, concern on his face.
JOHN
What’s it to you?
MAN
Whoa buddy. Just trying to help. You got anyone you can call?
John pushes past the man and storms towards the truck in the intersection.
MAN WITH DOG
Look out!
John marches into the street as
HOOONNNKKKK! A car skids to a stop feet from him. The driver goes ballistic. John ignores him, eyes on the truck ahead.
MAN WITH DOG
You gotta be careful!
John ignores him. Heading for the truck. The man with the dog pulls out his cell phone and dials 9-1-1.
AT THE REAR OF THE TRUCK
NICK, 19, cut off t-shirt, sandals. A brash guy who is surrounded by a trio of 17 year old boys, including FRANK, who is dressed in a soccer uniform (different to John’s) and looks nervous.
FRANK
I don’t wanna lie…
NICK
Relax. It’s gonna work.
FRANK
But everyone knows no one else drives your truck. I don’t wanna lie to the police—
Nick opens his wallet and whips out some cash. He doesn’t even count it, just stuffs the bills into Frank’s palm.
NICK
That should be enough to convince you to let me do the talking.
(Noticing John coming their way)
Shut up. He’s coming.
Frank looks from the money to John, storming towards them.
Nick, calm, waves at John.
NICK
You okay man? We didn’t see you coming.
JOHN
I had the green light.
NICK
Nah, Frank did. Didn’t you Frank?
Frank gives a small nod. John keeps his eyes on Nick.
JOHN
(To Frank)
You were driving?
Frank nods. John is still eyeing Nick.
JOHN
You wrecked my car. That was my dad’s.
NICK
We saw you run the light. All of us saw it, right guys?
Nick looks to the other guys. Frank, hands in his pockets, just nods again.
NICK
So it’s really your fault. But we don’t have to get the police involved.
JOHN
I trust you less than I trust the police.
John rubs his neck again. Frank just watches traffic go by, driver’s rubbernecking as they pass.
JOHN
(To Frank)
You’re sure you were driving?
NICK
You’re not faking a neck injury, are you?
JOHN
Depends. Are you faking being a passenger?
NICK
Frank was—
JOHN
And that you didn’t cut me off on purpose?
FRANK
It was my fault…
John rolls his eyes.
NICK
You heard the man. He’s hurting too.
Nick gives Frank a pat on the back.
JOHN
I guess we’ll wait for the cops then. Do you have your license?
Frank blushes.
NICK
We can settle this without them.
Nick pulls out his wallet again.
JOHN
I need to go. My team is waiting for me.
NICK
I thought you didn’t have any friends.
JOHN
I’m not going to miss my game.
NICK
(Pointing to the other guys)
These guys are playing against you. My brother too. Y’all were playing against each other today, right?
JOHN
I wouldn’t call what your brother does ‘playing’.
NICK
What’s that supposed to mean?
Nick takes a step in John’s direction. The other guys, angry looks on their faces, move in behind Nick.
John, unafraid, closes on Nick. They’re a few feet away from each other.
JOHN
Your brother, sits on the end of the bench, getting water for the starters, holds their jackets, or an umbrella for the coach if it’s raining. What position does he play? Coat rack?
Nick looks to the other guys. They’re furious. Nick laughs and applauds.
NICK
Maybe you did hit your head in the crash.
JOHN
You were driving. And you made me crash on purpose. You hit my car so I couldn’t play today and embarrass your little brother and your soft friends.
NICK
It’s our word against yours. Who do you think the cops are gonna believe?
John walks through the group.
NICK
What a loser.
John makes a sharp turn and pulls open the driver side door of the truck.
NICK
Hey!
But John is already inside. He emerges with a PHONE.
JOHN
This yours?
Nick’s momentary silence confirms it. John juggles the phone from hand to hand.
NICK
What are you doing?
JOHN
You’re going to give me a ride to my game. I’ll even sit alone in the bed. And at the game And then you’re going to admit what you did.
NICK
You’ve got some balls on you. I’ll give you that.
JOHN
I’m not letting my team down. So admit that you hit me, or do I have to open this phone and find the evidence I need?
NICK
I’m giving you one last chance to hand me back my phone.
John guesses the password on the phone. It doesn’t open.
NICK
Password protected.
JOHN
I could guess it. 1, 2, 3, 4?
FRANK
He doens’t have a password—
Nick punches Frank on the shoulder, cutting him off. He glares at John.
NICK
I’m almost done being patient with you.
JOHN
What you gonna do? People are watching.
John points to the man with the dog, watching a short distance away, phone still to his ear. The pace of the passing traffic has picked up again.
Nick cracks his knuckles.
NICK
You wanna throw down, let’s go. I’ll even let you take the first swing.
Nick offers his chin.
John takes a deep breath and his hand swings forward—
WITH THE PHONE. The camera on. He uses Nick’s face to unlock it. Nick blinks, realizing what’s happening.
JOHN
Thanks.
The phone is open. John scrolls through Nick’s apps.
NICK
Hey! Give me my phone!
John moves back towards his car, covering the phone.
JOHN
I’m pretty sure I have what I need now.
John scrolls through Nick’s videos. He plays one: It’s Nick inside his truck, staring out at John getting into his Mustang about five minutes ago.
NICK
Give that back!
Nick’s hand balls into a fist as he charges across the street at John.
John plays the video and Nick lunges at him, driving both of them into path of a SPEEDING SEDAN.
HOOOONNNKKK!!! -
LOGLINE: Nick has hit John’s car with his truck, meaning John will miss his soccer game.
ESSENCE: Nick is trying to protect his brother from losing in the game.
SCENE:AN AMBER LIGHT BLINKS.
A HAZARD LIGHT on a car…
…A RED MUSTANG that is crashed against a tree.
The door flops open. Out jumps JOHN, 17, athletic build, wearing a soccer uniform.
John rubs his sore neck and looks over his car.
The front is completely caved in against the tree. He touches it like it’s a dying friend.
He turns seeing a TRICKED OUT TRUCK in the middle of the intersection. The driver’s side headlight has been obliterated.
MAN (O.C.)
Are you okay, son?John sees a MAN holding a dog on a lead coming towards him, concern on his face.
JOHN
What’s it to you?MAN
Just trying to help. You got anyone you can call?John pushes past the man and storms towards the truck.
MAN
Slow down!John ignores him. Heading for the truck.
AT THE REAR OF THE TRUCK
NICK, 19, cut off t-shirt, sandals. A brash guy who is surrounded by a trio of 17 year old boys, including FRANK, who is dressed in a soccer uniform (different to John’s) and looks nervous.FRANK
I don’t wanna lie…NICK
Relax. It’s gonna work.FRANK
But everyone knows no one else drives your truck. I don’t wanna lie to the police—Nick opens his wallet and whips out some cash. He doesn’t even count it, just stuffs the bills into Frank’s palm.
NICK
Then let me do the talking.
(Noticing John coming their way)
Shut up. He’s coming.Frank looks from the money to John, storming towards them.
Nick, calm, waves at John.NICK
You okay man? We didn’t see you coming.JOHN
I had the green light.NICK
Nah, Frank did. Didn’t you Frank?Frank gives a small nod. John keeps his eyes on Nick.
JOHN
You wrecked my car. That was my dad’s.NICK
We saw you run the light. All of us saw it, right guys?Nick looks to the other guys. Frank, hands in his pockets, just nods again.
NICK
So it’s really your fault. But we don’t have to get the police involved.JOHN
I trust you less than I trust them.John rubs his neck.
JOHN
(To Frank)
You said you were driving?NICK
You’re not faking a neck injury, are you?JOHN
Depends. Are you pretending you weren’t driving?NICK
Frank—JOHN
And that you didn’t cut me off on purpose?FRANK
It was my fault…John rolls his eyes.
NICK
You heard the man.JOHN
I guess we’ll wait for the cops then. Do you have your license?Frank blushes.
NICK
We can settle this without them.JOHN
I need to go. My team is waiting for me.NICK
I thought you didn’t have any friends.JOHN
I’m going to miss my game.NICK
(Pointing to the other guys)
So are these guys. My brother too. Y’all were playing against each other today, right?JOHN
I wouldn’t call what your brother does ‘playing’.NICK
What’s that supposed to mean?Nick takes a step in John’s direction. The other guys, angry looks on their faces, move in behind Nick.
John, unafraid, closes on Nick. They’re a few feet away from each other.
JOHN
Your brother, sits on the end of the bench, getting water for the starters, holds their jackets, or an umbrella for the coach if it’s raining. He might as well be a coat rack.Nick looks to the other guys. They’re furious. Nick laughs.
NICK
Maybe you did hit your head in the crash.JOHN
You were driving. And you made me crash on purpose. You hit my car so I couldn’t play today and embarrass your little brother and your soft friends.NICK
It’s our word against yours. Who do you think the cops are gonna believe?John walks through the group.
NICK
What a loser.John makes a sharp turn and pulls open the driver side door of the truck.
NICK
Hey!But John is already inside. He emerges with a PHONE.
JOHN
This yours?Nick’s momentary silence confirms it. John juggles the phone from hand to hand.
NICK
What are you doing?JOHN
You’re going to give me a ride to my game. And then you’re going to admit what you did.NICK
You’ve got some balls on you. I’ll give you that.JOHN
I’m not letting my team down. So admit that you hit me, or do I have to open this phone and find the evidence I need?NICK
I’m giving you one last chance to hand me back my phone.John guesses the password on the phone.
NICK
Password protected.JOHN
I could guess it. 1, 2, 3, 4?NICK
I’m almost done being patient with you.JOHN
What you gonna do? People are watching.John points to the man with the dog, watching a short distance away.
NICK
You wanna fight, let’s go. I’ll even let you take the first swing.Nick offers his chin.
John takes a deep breath and his hand swings forward—
WITH THE PHONE. He uses Nick’s face to unlock it. Nick blinks, realizing what’s happening.
JOHN
Thanks.NICK
Hey! Give me my phone!John moves back towards his car.
JOHN
I’m pretty sure I have what I need now.John scrolls through Nick’s videos. He plays one: It’s Nick inside his truck, staring out at John getting into his Mustang about five minutes ago.
NICK
Give that back!Nick’s hand balls into a fist as he charges across the street at John.
John plays the video and Nick lunges at him, driving both of them into the street. -
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Trent enters the dark house. He carefully places the door key in his blazer pocket and holds the door open. He looks back at Robert, a slob in a dirty sweater, on the doorstep, texting on his phone. Trent sighs loudly.
TRENT
Hey, can you pay attention for a sec?
ROBERT
Everyone’s being quiet in the group chat. I’ve got to shake things up. You never do.
TRENT
Come in the house.
ROBERT
It’s dark in here.
Robert notices some pink ‘PAST DUE’ letters on a table.
ROBERT
What’s the point of having a big house if you can’t afford to light it?
TRENT
Come. In.
Robert steps inside. Trent shuts the door behind him. Robert checks himself out in a hallway mirror.
ROBERT
Do I look okay?
TRENT
Yes. You don’t have to be as well dressed as me. It’s just dinner.
ROBERT
At a fancy restaurant. You gonna make me pay again?
TRENT
Is that a problem?
ROBERT
I can hold onto your wallet if you’re afraid of misplacing it.
TRENT
(Pats his jacket pocket)
It’s right here. Really, tonight is on me. You’re not paying for anything.
Trent moves for the dark living room and stands by the entrance.
ROBERT
As long as the other cheap bastards in our group chat don’t find out. You know I’m really starting to hate Paul.
TRENT
No, you love him.
ROBERT
He’s an insecure clown who can’t keep a girlfriend. He’s jealous of you, you know.
TRENT
Can you shut up and come into the living room?
ROBERT
Does someone need a nap? You’re almost as cranky as Philip.
TRENT
Bro, just stop—
ROBERT
You’re gonna defend him too now? What’s with you? Have you picked up a drug problem off of him as well? You didn’t hear that from me.
A SOB comes from the dark living room.
ROBERT
What?
Trent switches on the light.
‘Hiding’ in the room are a group of adults. Their friends, including PAUL, and a sobbing PHILIP.
PHILIP
You don’t have to be so mean, Robert.
ROBERT
I’m just kidding! Wow, a surprise party for me? Guys, I’m flattered.
Robert holds his arms out for a hug. No one moves to him. They’re all pissed off.
Trent sighs loudly.
TRENT
I went to great lengths to plan this. So we could show you that we loved you. I guess you don’t care.
ROBERT
I’m sorry. Trent was in on it with me. We were just kidding.
TRENT
I would never say such things about my friends.
Paul and Philip exchange a look. Paul winks at Trent, who flicks the light switch off.
Robert yells in pain as the sounds of a fight fill the darkness.
Trent steps back into the hallway.
TRENT
I guess you are paying for something, Robert.
-
Amechi Ngwe
CYCLE 1 REWRITE SCENE
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Trent enters the dark house and holds the door open. He looks back at Robert on the doorstep, texting on his phone. Trent sighs loudly.
TRENT
Hey, can you pay attention for a sec?
ROBERT
Everyone’s being quiet in the group chat. I’ve got to shake things up. You never do.
TRENT
Come in the house.
ROBERT
It’s dark in here.
Robert notices some pink ‘PAST DUE’ letters on a table.
ROBERT
What’s the point of having a big house if you can’t afford to light it?
TRENT
Come. In.
Robert steps inside. Trent shuts the door behind him. Robert checks himself out in a hallway mirror.
ROBERT
Do I look okay?
TRENT
Yes. You don’t have to be as well dressed as me. It’s just dinner.
ROBERT
At a fancy restaurant. You gonna make me pay again?
TRENT
Is that a problem?
ROBERT
I can hold onto your wallet if you’re afraid of misplacing it.
TRENT
(Pats his jacket pocket)
It’s right here. Really, tonight is on me. You’re not paying for anything.
Trent moves for the dark living room and stands by the entrance.
ROBERT
As long as the other cheap bastards in our group chat don’t find out. You know I’m really starting to hate Paul.
TRENT
No, you love him.
ROBERT
He’s an insecure clown who can’t keep a girlfriend. He’s jealous of you, you know.
TRENT
Can you shut up and come into the living room?
ROBERT
Does someone need a nap? You’re almost as cranky as Philip.
TRENT
Bro, just stop—
ROBERT
You’re gonna defend him too now? What’s with you? Have you picked up a drug problem off of him as well? You didn’t hear that from me.
A SOB comes from the dark living room.
ROBERT
What?
Trent switches on the light.
‘Hiding’ in the room are a group of adults. Their friends, including PAUL, and a sobbing PHILIP.
PHILIP
You don’t have to be so mean, Robert.
ROBERT
I’m just kidding! Wow, a surprise party for me? Guys, I’m flattered.
Robert holds his arms out for a hug. No one moves to him. They’re all pissed off.
Trent sighs loudly.
TRENT
I went to great lengths to plan this. So we could show you that we loved you. I guess you don’t care.
ROBERT
I’m sorry. Trent was in on it with me. We were just kidding.
TRENT
I would never say such things about my friends.
Paul and Philip exchange a look. Paul winks at Trent, who flicks the light switch off.
Robert yells in pain as the sounds of a fight fill the darkness.
Trent steps back into the hallway.
TRENT
I guess you are paying for something, Robert.
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INT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
Robert, in a t-shirt and jeans, and Trent in an expensive suit, clink champagne flutes together.
Trent looks at his flute, studying the drink. He smells it.
TRENT
Which one is this? It tastes a little funny.ROBERT
You have such a great palate. They all taste the same to me.Robert takes another sip. Trent sips again. Winces a little.
ROBERT
You’re used to better stuff than we can bottle.TRENT
No, I love it. Believe me.ROBERT
I still can’t believe you made this happen. Us selling champagne.Robert pulls a silver cigarette lighter from his pocket and flicks it open. He closes it again.
TRENT
What?! I couldn’t have done this without you.ROBERT
A slob like me, co-owning a champagne business. People still laugh when I tell them I’m doing this.TRENT
You know more about this than you’re letting on I hope. I can’t keep this thing afloat without you.ROBERT
Speaking of that, I’ve sunk a lot of money into this—TRENT
Hey, I told you, the money won’t roll in right away.ROBERT
Can I see the books? A bank statement? We’re partners. I don’t like being in the dark.TRENT
I told you I’d handle the money side, you’ll be the face of this. Sell to your friends.ROBERT
I’m not asking too much, am I? It’s just I have a friend who wants to buy a few cases and want to see if we can give him a discount.TRENT
You did? Wow.ROBERT
Yeah. Let’s go to the back and load up my car.Robert doesn’t wait for a reply. He glides to the door and enters the back room.
Trent is sweaty. He reaches into his jacket pocket, pulling out A KNIFE. He moves it to his hip pocket and follows.
INT. BACK ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Travis enters. He coughs into his hand.
Robert stands near a table, he plays with the lighter.TRAVIS
Robert. The truth is… and please don’t tell anyone. It’s gone.ROBERT
What’s gone?TRAVIS
The money. All your money. Do you think this is easy, running a business?ROBERT
I’ve been telling my friends that this was going great.TRENT
That’s good. We have to project success.ROBERT
Do I have to tell people what you really are?TRENT
You don’t have to do that.Trent hides his hand in his pocket as he closes on Robert. He wipes his sweaty brow.
TRENT
Look, there’s a way to get your money back.ROBERT
Oh yeah?TRENT
I find other investors. We sell them the dream. We pocket their money.ROBERT
You think I’m capable of that?TRENT
You’re capable of more than you think. I can give you a game plan. The same one I use.ROBERT
The one you used on me.Trent closes on Robert. His hand goes into his pocket. He puts a hand on Robert’s shoulder—
Trent coughs violently. The knife clatters to the floor. Robert turns and watches Trent pull at his collar.
TRENT
Robert… help. I can’t… breathe…Robert sees the knife on the floor. He moves to Trent’s side.
ROBERT
It’s okay. Lay down.Robert helps Trent lie on his back.
ROBERT
I was wondering when it was going to kick in.Trent’s eyes go wide with a thousand questions, but his body is paralyzed.
ROBERT
Shhh. You’re right, I am capable of more than I think. Thanks for bringing it out of me.TRENT
(Weakly)
Please… Help…ROBERT
Your drink was spiked with a couple of powerful paralyzing agents. Breathing is about all you can do for now.Trent can’t speak. His eyes start to flutter closed. Robert slaps Trent’s face hard.
ROBERT
Oh, don’t leave yet. I want to thank you.Trent’s breathing slows.
ROBERT
You took advantage of a weak friend and sold him a lie. But I made sure people knew how much the stress of this business was getting to you. Our friends are getting concerned.ROBERT
Not me though. I have an insurance policy on this building and… a life insurance policy. On You.Robert waves a hand in front of Trent’s face. No response.
ROBERT
Are you still there?Trent gurgles.
ROBERT
Sure, one final drink. And you’ll never take advantage of another person. Cheers!Robert pours the rest of the bottle of champagne over Trent’s face.
Then kicks him repeatedly in the ribs.
Trent isn’t moving.
Robert looks over at a gas canister sitting on the table. He flicks open his lighter.
END OF SCENE
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Amechi’s Max Interest (Part 1)
What I learned that is improving my writing is to use as many interest techniques as I can that fit well into my scene but highlight the use of one of them to make it stand out.
SELECTED SCENE
Ed pitches Stan on joining his group but hears his son is missing and leaves.
ESSENCE OF SCENE
Ed’s son is important to him, no matter what he says.
TWO INTEREST TECHNIQUES TO ADD
Suspense – Ms. Peters trying to get Ed’s attention.
Mislead/Reveal – Ed says Stan is the most important thing right now / Ed leaves to go and find his missing son.
REWRITTEN SCENE
Ed stares at Stan, both of their faces are blank. Poker stares. Ed’s eyes drift from Stan to Ms. Peters, outside the door, waving her phone at Ed.
Ed pulls Stan sideways to look out at the glorious green grass of the football pitch.ED
The fans will come around to this if the right voice tells them to. Can I count on you?STAN
I still have concerns mate.ED
This is happening. So you can get on board, or be concerned about getting rained on.STAN
Don’t push me.The door creaks open. Ed glances at Ms. Peters popping her head in. She looks worried.
ED
I’m only… Look, I’m honored you’ve come here and I wouldn’t be speaking to you unless I thought you were very important—STAN
Lucky me.MS. PETERS
Sir—ED
Later.Ms. PETERS
But your wife said—ED
I said later!
(Turns to Stan)
I’m committed to making this work between us—Ms. Peters grabs Ed’s arm and drags him away.
MS. PETERS
Your son’s missing, Ed!Ed is stunned. His legs carry him out of the room before he knows what’s happening. Ms. Peters regains her composure and turns to Stan, who looks puzzled. She gestures for him to follow her out.
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Amechi Profiles People
What I learned doing this assignment is to remember that extreme traits make for more interesting characters, actions, and dialogue.
PERSON 1 (JF)
CORE TRAITS – 1. Justice seeker 2. Jealous 3. Self-Depreciating 4. ClownPERSON 2 (JM)
CORE TRAITS – 1. Old-Fashioned 2. Dramatic 3. Overexcited 4. UnreliablePERSON 3 (AU)
CORE TRAITS – 1. Wounded 2. Warmhearted 3. Worrier 4. Hierarchical/Family-OrientedI adjusted one of the traits of each after spending time with them this weekend.
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Amechi Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is this is a skill I will need to work on. I feel like I’ve totally missed it or forgot about it when it came to writing my scenes. This was a good reminder to build everything around that deeper meaning.
Script I choose: RED DEVIL
Scene 1 Location: ACT 1
Logline: Ed reacts to the news and tells his wife he can’t come home to help her.
Essence I’ve discovered: She’s called for help, but is not being heard.
New Logline: Ed is too wrapped up in his own schemes to help his wife with their son.Scene 2 Location: MIDDLE OF ACT 1
Logline: Stone tracks down Rio to ask him for his view.
Essence I’ve discovered: The divide and distrust between the media and athletes.
New Logline: Rio and Stone are both wary of the intentions of the other as they try to get information out of each other.Scene 3 Location: END OF ACT 1
Logline: Stone tells her boss that she’s changing the story she’s writing.
Essence I’ve discovered: He’s worried she’s going to cause him trouble.
New Logline: Stone’s boss warns her against embarrassing him and ruining the newspaper’s relationship with the team but then lets her get to work.Scene 4 Location: ACT 2
Logline: The President thanks a worker for his hard work.
Essence I’ve discovered: The President hates his workers but needs them.
New Logline: The President moves down a row of employees thanking them for their hard work, then sanitizes his hands.Scene 5 Location: ACT 2
Logline: Ed talks his upset son into going home.
Essence I’ve discovered: Ed’s son is concerned about the present, Ed is concerned with his future legacy.
New Logline: Ed wants his son to see that short term suffering will lead to long term benefits. -
Amechi Finds the Essence
What I learned doing this assignment is a scene should have a simple premise but can also have layers hidden clearly in sight on a second watch/read.
SCRIPT: GET OUT by Jordan Peele
SCENE 1 LOCATION – EARLY IN ACT 1 (SET UP)
LOGLINE: Chris and Rose talk about the upcoming trip and his fears about meeting her parents.
ESSENCE: Chris is worried that Rose’s parents are not going to like him, but Rose is certain they will because she has planned this with her parents.SCENE 2 LOCATION – LATE IN ACT 1
LOGLINE: The family have dinner together and Jeremy gets drunk and tries to wrestle Chris.
ESSENCE: Chris sees a second side to everyone in the family, including Rose.SCENE 3 LOCATION – ACT 2
LOGLINE: Chris is concerned about the after effects of the hypnosis, but Rose says that it worked for her when she was younger. She tries to put him at ease.
ESSENCE: Rose tries to stop Chris from looking too deeply into what has been done to him with the hypnosis.SCENE 4 LOCATION – ACT 2
CHRIS AND GEORGINA
LOGLINE: Georgina apologizes to Chris for unplugging his phone and tells Chris that the workers are treated like family
ESSENCE: Georgina has in fact revealed that the workers are in fact family members in new bodies.SCENE 5 – END OF ACT 2
LOGLINE: Chris tries to escape the family but Dean explains that they have a purpose for him, and Missy knocks him unconscious.
ESSENCE: The family reveals that they have trapped Chris here and knock him unconscious to perform surgery on him. -
Hi everyone,
My name is Amechi Ngwe. I’ve written… maybe around 30 scripts now. I’ve learned some of these skills before in other classes and am hoping to deepen my understanding and gain a bit more confidence with this class. Something unusual about me is I’ve been learning Spanish for the last two years but have no plans to travel there at the moment…
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Amechi Ngwe
I agree to the terms of this form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Thanks, Kate! Looking forward to working and learning with you again!
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Hi Maureen,
Excellent work with your scene! I thought you did an excellent job nailing the essence.
The dialogue was also great. The characters were challenging each other all the way though and it was exciting to read. And although it’s mostly a talking heads scene, I think you did a good job of adding a few actions for each character that display their traits as well.
In the opening exchange between Nick and Crenshaw, could the reason that Crenshaw can’t take Nick off of the case be that he has too much at stake because Nick has made it that way?
Example:
NICK
Don’t even think about taking me off this case, Allen.
CRENSHAW
You think there’s too much at stake for us?
NICK
No, not me…
Something like that that implies Nick has manipulated Crenshaw into a bad spot.
You did a great job with the character traits in their actions and dialogue throughout.
INTEREST TECHNIQUES
Suspense – How is this face off going to turn out?
Major twist. – Nick’s ex girlfriend is involved in the case and is on John’s side.
Nick quits working for CrenshawSurprise – Nick learns that Alyssa is involved.
Put in a More Interesting Setting – An interrogation room is a good setting. Could you put it somewhere else with a time limit? Nick jumping into John’s car, or an elevator ride with just a few floors to convince him? Or walking into the courtroom?
Mislead / Reveal – Alyssa has nothing to do with this / Her aunt is on trial
Janet is guilty / Janet’s trial is a political lynching
Character changes radically – Nick flipping out and throwing the chair.
Nick joining John’s side at the end of the scene.Betrayal. – Nick betrays Crenshaw.
Alyssa is helping John behind Nick’s back.Nick also turns off the microphone and closes the curtains at the start of the scene. What if he does it later when John starts to turn him? And what would Crenshaw’s reaction be to seeing Nick cut him out of the conversation at that point? I think it gives him a stronger reason to storm in looking for answers.
Superior Position / Dramatic Irony –
We know something that the characters don’t know and it is even more powerful if the part they don’t know causes them to go in the opposite direction they should.
Uncertainty — hope / fear – Nick and John know each other’s weaknesses.
Intrigue – What is the relationship between Nick and John?
Who is Alyssa?
Great job with this scene! It was fun to read and learn from it!
Amechi