Amy Falkofske
Forum Replies Created
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Amy’s 4 Pitches – Draft 1
Elevator pitch: Unlike most stories where a commoner becomes royal, the protagonist in my story goes from being a royal to being a commoner.
Phone pitch: Hi. I’m Amy Falkofske. I wrote a romantic comedy called Unroyally in Love. Can I tell you about it in 30 seconds?
Pitch fest pitch:
Tell us your credibility.
Placed as a Semifinalist in the ScreenCraft Family Friendly Contest
Tell us your genre and title.
Unroyally in Love is a romantic comedy.
What is your one or two sentence hook?
Stephanie Alexander is epitome of a princess, finds herself in unchartered territory when she learns that she’s not actually royal.
Query letter:
Surprise! The world’s most uppity and self-centered princess is not actually a princess.
Stephanie Alexander takes great pride in her status as royalty until…the royal historian informs her that she is not actually royal. All too eager to help her, is her nemesis from the country next door, Prince Jack.
But when Stephanie is kicked out of the castle, she has no choice but to accept Jack’s help.
Together, Jack and Stephanie set out to “remake” Stephanie into a commoner and find themselves “Unroyally in Love.”
But Stephanie isn’t as willing to give up her royal title as she’s letting on.
Stephanie hires a detective to discredit the historian, but he betrays her to the press. After accidently coming upon the rightful princess, Stephanie hires a lawyer to try and legally hold onto her title, but he too betrays her.
Now both Jack and the country are done with her.
Stephanie finally comes to the end of herself and decides to reach out to the rightful princes and hand over her title, a move that endears her both to her country and to Jack.
Amy has a Master’s Degree in Script & Screenwriting from Regent University. One of her scripts placed as a semifinalist in the ScreenCraft Family Friendly Competition, and she has always wanted to be a princess.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script. You can contact me at the above email address or 703-943-7372.
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Amy’s Target Market
What I learned doing this assignment is for some reason the specific movies that I was targeting didn’t come up when I put “romance” in the search bar. I did find some producers who had worked on romance movies.
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Amy’s Phone Pitch
What I learned from this lesson is if I ever am brave enough to call up a production company or a producer, I’ll know exactly what to say.
1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:
Lead with a great title.
2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.
Hi. I’m Amy Falkofske. I wrote a romantic comedy called Unroyally in Love. Can I tell you about it in 30 seconds?
3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:
What’s the budget range?- Low budget
Who do you see in the main roles?
How many pages is the script? 90
Who else has seen this? You are the first
Why do you think this fits our company? You have done a couple of romantic comedies dealing with royalty.
How does the movie end? The princess turned commoner swallows her pride and helps the rightful princess take the throne. Prince Jack proposed to Stephanie.
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Amy’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s okay for your pitch to be short.
Tell us your credibility.
Placed as a Semifinalist in the ScreenCraft Family Friendly Contest
Tell us your genre and title.
Unroyally in Love is a romantic comedy.
What is your one or two sentence hook?
Stephanie Alexander is epitome of a princess, finds herself in unchartered territory when she learns that she’s not actually royal.
Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:
What is the budget range? Low budget
What actors do you like for the lead roles? Stephanie-? Prince Jack-Jamie Campbell Bower
Give me the acts of the story. Act I-Stephanie finds out she’s not actually Royal. Prince Jack, who she hates, offers to help her through the difficult ordeal, but she refuses. Act II-Stephanie and her mother, the Queen are thrown out of the castle and Stephanie is forced to accept help from Prince Jack. Together, they try to make her over into a commoner, which fails miserably because Stephanie’s heart isn’t really into it. The two begin to grow fond of one another and fall in love. After Stephanie’s most recent attempt to hang onto her royalty fails and becomes very public, she shunned by nearly everyone, including Prince Jack. Act III-Stephanie accepts that she’s not a princess and humbles herself to help the rightful princess take the throne. This change in Stephanie helps her win back Jack’s heart and he proposes to her with a fireworks display at his castle.
How does it end? (setup / payoff). –Stephanie accepts that she’s not a princess and humbles herself to help the rightful princess take the throne. This change in Stephanie helps her win back Jack’s heart and he proposes to her with a fireworks display at his castle.
Credibility questions What have you done?
I have a Master’s Degree in Script & Screenwriting.
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Amy’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is how to write a compelling query letter.
Surprise! The world’s most uppity and self-centered princess is not actually a princess.
Stephanie Alexander takes great pride in her status as royalty until…the royal historian informs her that she is not actually royal. All too eager to help her, is her nemesis from the country next door, Prince Jack.
But when Stephanie is kicked out of the castle, she has no choice but to accept Jack’s help.
Together, Jack and Stephanie set out to “remake” Stephanie into a commoner and find themselves “Unroyally in Love.”
But Stephanie isn’t as willing to give up her royal title as she’s letting on.
Stephanie hires a detective to discredit the historian, but he betrays her to the press. After accidently coming upon the rightful princess, Stephanie hires a lawyer to try and legally hold onto her title, but he too betrays her.
Now both Jack and the country are done with her.
Stephanie finally comes to the end of herself and decides to reach out to the rightful princes and hand over her title, a move that endears her both to her country and to Jack.
Amy has a Master’s Degree in Script & Screenwriting from Regent University. One of her scripts placed as a semifinalist in the ScreenCraft Family Friendly Competition, and she has always wanted to be a princess.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script. You can contact me at the above email address or 703-943-7372.
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Amy’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is you need to be able to sell your idea in one sentence.
1. To find your main hook, give us what is most unique about your lead character’s journey from a big picture perspective.
Unlike most stories where a commoner becomes royal, the protagonist in my story goes from being a royal to being a commoner.
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
Main Conflict- Stephanie has been a princess her whole life. She doesn’t know how to do anything else, but she has no choice unless she can find a way to keep on being a princess.
What’s at stake?- Stephanie being a royal and all the privileges that come with it, or accepting that she’s only a commoner and figuring out how to live beneath what she is used to.
3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
A princess loses her royal status and finds herself Unroyally in Love.
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Amy’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is pulling the hooks out of your script clues you in to what you should include in the synopsis.
Hooks:
1. Stephanie is the quintessential princess who’s not actually a princess.
2. Stephanie’s efforts to discredit the historian are outed to the press when her private detective betrays her.
3. Stephanie’s efforts to try to legally stop the rightful princess from taking the throne are discovered when her lawyer betrays her.
4. Stephanie must give up what she loves (being the princess) to do the right thing (give up her royal position to the rightful princess.
5. Stephanie and Jack go from hating one another to falling in love.
6. Stephanie discovers the rightful princess living as a homeless woman on her walk through town one night.
7. Bruce, the historian turns out to be related to the rightful princess calling his motives into question.
8. Jack’s father decides to step down and make Jack king when he realizes that he’s finally matured.
9. Even though Julie is related to Bruce, she fires him and banishes him from her life for being unscrupulous.
10. Jack and Stephanie’s relationship takes a turn for the better when Jack surprises her with toys and clothes for the orphanage.
Components of Marketability:
1. Great title
2. It’s a first
Synopsis
Surprise! The world’s most uppity and self-centered princess is not actually a princess.
Stephanie Alexander takes great pride in her status as royalty until…the royal historian informs her that she is not actually royal. All too eager to help her, is her nemesis from the country next door, Prince Jack.
But when Stephanie is kicked out of the castle, she has no choice but to accept Jack’s help.
Together, Jack and Stephanie set out to “remake” Stephanie into a commoner and find themselves “Unroyally in Love.”
But Stephanie isn’t as willing to give up her royal title as she’s letting on.
Stephanie hires a detective to discredit the historian, but he betrays her to the press. After accidently coming upon the rightful princess, Stephanie hires a lawyer to try and legally hold onto her title, but he too betrays her.
Now both Jack and the country are done with her.
Stephanie finally comes to the end of herself and decides to reach out to the rightful princes and hand over her title, a move that endears her both to her country and to Jack.
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Amy’s 10 Most Interesting Things
What I learned doing this assignment is finding the hooks in your script will help you come up with a much better pitch.
Go through your project and see which of these specific hooks you have:
1. Stephanie is the quintessential princess who’s not actually a princess.
2. Stephanie’s efforts to discredit the historian are outed to the press when her private detective betrays her.
3. Stephanie’s efforts to try to legally stop the rightful princess from taking the throne are discovered when her lawyer betrays her.
4. Stephanie must give up what she loves (being the princess) to do the right thing (give up her royal position to the rightful princess.
5. Stephanie and Jack go from hating one another to falling in love.
6. Stephanie discovers the rightful princess living as a homeless woman on her walk through town one night.
7. Bruce, the historian, turns out to be related to the rightful princess calling his motives into question.
8. Jack’s father decides to step down and make Jack king when he realizes that he’s finally matured.
9. Even though Julie is related to Bruce, she fires him and banishes him from her life for being unscrupulous.
10. Jack and Stephanie’s relationship takes a turn for the better when Jack surprises her with toys and clothes for the orphanage.
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Amy Meets Producer/Manager
What I learned today is that you can’t approach producers and managers in the same generic way. You have to tailor your approach depending on what they need/want.
1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?
I will focus my pitch on the parts of my movie that are similar to movies they have produced. I will put an emphasis on my protagonist and her character traits and character arc. I will be open to suggested changes.
2. How will you present yourself and your project to a manager?
I will talk about how my movie is similar to other movies that have been produced. I will open to their suggestions for my script or other projects that I should write. I will make it clear that my goal is to get paid writing assignments.
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Amy’s Marketable Components
What I learned doing this assignment is to focus your pitch on the things that make your script the most marketable.
1. Tell us your current logline When a princess learns that she’s not really a princess, she’s forced to accept help from a neighboring country’s prince who she hates and the two find themselves unexpectedly drawn to each other.
2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick a few that have the most potential for selling this script.
B. Great Title.
E. It’s a first.
3. Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate the components you chose for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through those components.
Great title: How to elevate-Right now I don’t have any places in the movie where someone refers to Stephanie as suddenly unroyal. I could add that line in a few places. How to pitch- The title Unroyally in Love sells the movie and tells you what it’s about. A princess becomes “unroyal” and falls in love
It’s a first: How to elevate-I could create better emotional reactions to this thing that has never happened to a royal before. How to pitch- You’ve seen lots of movies where a commoner becomes a princess, but you’ve never seen one where the princess becomes a commoner.
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Amy’s Project and Market
What I learned today is how you market your screenplay can mean the difference between not getting read at all to actually getting project made.
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Title: Unroyally in Love
Concept: When a princess learns that she’s not really a princess, she’s forced to accept help from a neighboring country’s prince who she hates and the two find themselves unexpectedly drawn to each other.
2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.
Unlike all the movies where a commoner falls in love and becomes a princess, my protagonist starts out as a princess and ends up being a commoner.
3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — managers, producers, or actor’s production company — and why you picked that target.
I will target producers first because I want to write for networks like the Hallmark Channel and Great American Family and I’ve been advised by many people that this is the best way to break into that market.
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Amy’s Dramatic Reveals!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is I have plenty of reveals, but I haven’t created much demand for some of them.
5. Tell us how you improved each scene – demand, reveal, and/or written dramatically
-I’m going to create demand for the reveal that Stephanie may not be a princess by having her notice that her family’s royal heritage only goes back a couple a little over a hundred years.
-I’m going create demand for the reveal Stephanie is definitely not a princess by having everyone in the castle be on pins and needles until they hear from the royal historian.
-I’m going to create demand for the reveal of where the rightful princess is by having the media and people of the country speculate on where the rightful princess could be.
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Amy Loves Character Depth!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is this is a good way to see the character arc (or lack of) in your main characters. I also learned that finding out your characters’ secrets gives them a lot of depth.
4. Tell us the changes you made using these tools.
I’m going to have Stephanie confess that her father once told her that she’s special because she’s a princess (meaning that now that she’s not a princess, she is really struggling with her self-worth)
I have a couple of scenes where what happens doesn’t really trigger a visible reaction from the characters. The reader thinks to themselves this is bad and realizes that things are getting bad for Stephanie but it doesn’t provoke her to any specific action. The same goes for her love interest, Jack in the same scenes. He doesn’t really have a reaction to what’s happening.
I’m going to make is so that Jack has always loved Stephanie but has dealt with it in an immature way, making her hate him, but over the course of the story he grows and changes and becomes more attractive to her.
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Amy’s Solved Scene Problems!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that each of these lessons in this module kind of build on each other. If you missed something in one assignment, you can address it in the next one.
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Amy is Cliché Busting!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is there are a lot of clichés in my writing in general so the act of busting clichés will elevate my writing overall.
4. Give us a list of the changes you made to your script. But don’t post the actual script.
I only rewrote one scene, but I have another scene that needs to be rewritten and I just haven’t figured out what to do with it. I think there are others as well, but I’m just going to keep rolling through this module as I see the next assignments deals specifically with scenes so I will still have chance to fix them.
Cliché: The prince proposing at the ball
New Version: He proposes outside with fireworks writing “will you marry me” in the sky.
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Amy’s not yet Solved Character Problems!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that character problems can make or break your script. Also, my script has a lot of unrealized potential in this area. I have been ruminating on this and have come up with some solutions, and have a lot of work to do.
2. Check your lead characters to see if they have any of the problems listed in this lesson.
A. Generic Lead Characters-My lead characters aren’t necessarily generic, but I would say they are more like stick figures at this point. I need to develop them more through their actions mainly and their dialogue when we get to that part.
E. Characters not in action-I have quite a few scenes with talking heads.
G. All the characters seem the same-Some of my supporting characters are really generic.
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Amy’s Structure Solutions!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that by following the outline process and writing to the outline your structure is pretty strong from the start and also that this is the first step in the rewrite process so I shouldn’t expect to solve all of the problems with this one assignment.
5. Give us a list of the changes you made to your script. But don’t post the actual script.
· I rewrote my opening scene because it wasn’t very interesting and my character was not coming across the way I intended.
· I added a scene in Act II
· I strengthened the Act III turning point.
Beat Sheet
Act 1:
Opening: Princess Stephanie has a meltdown because of a glitch in her schedule
Inciting Incident: Historian informs the family that they are not royals
Turning Point: The news gets out that Stephanie is not really the queen. The country is in chaos. Stephanie must accept help from Prince Jack who she hates from the country next door.
Act 2:
New plan: Learn how to be a commoner
Plan in action: Doing common things like shopping and visiting an art museum. She fails spectacularly at being a commoner.
Midpoint Turning Point: After Stephanie is properly exposed to the public, news reporters peg her as a horrible person. Prince Jack’s father forbids him from helping Stephanie anymore.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Stephanie’s eyes are open to all the suffering in her kingdom
New plan: Uses her fame to help people
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Stephanie gets caught up in all the attention. It becomes painfully obvious to everyone that she was not doing “good” for the right reasons. It’s also come to light that she knows who the rightful princess is and it hiding it. She’s rejected for good by her county and Jack.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Stephanie swallows her pride and helps the homeless woman who is the real princess.
Resolution: Stephanie gets Jack back. She gets a cushy job.
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Amy Has Finished Act 4!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is my fourth act seems to be a little light. I ended up with 89 pages and a few lines on page 90, but for now, it’s done!
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Amy Started Act 4
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
3. Tell us how it is going for you.
I’m plodding along. I have one more scene to write. I think I’m going to finish at about 90 pages, which I think may be a little short, but still in the range of acceptable length.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…I’m still fighting just to write and not criticize what I wrote or to stop to agonize over every little word. I’ve caught myself wordsmithing many times, then I redirect to continue writing just off the top of my head.
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Amy’s Finishing Act 3
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
How’s it going?
I’m up to page 72 and I only have 7 scenes in my 4<sup>th</sup> act. I’m starting to wonder if I’m going to come up short. I’m also really curious to find out how we’re going to fix things in the next module because I know I have a lot to fix.
What I learned doing this assignment is when a scene goes off the rails, you should avoid the temptation to go back and rewrite it so you can just keep moving forward.
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Amy’s Continuing Act 3
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
3. Tell us how it is going for you.
I’m making progress. I’m about 7 scenes from the end of Act III. I’m enjoying writing this script though it is definitely first draft quality, which kind of bothers me because I feel like I’ll just have to work that much harder later to fix it all, but I know this is the process, and I need to be okay with that.
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Amy Began Act 3
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
3. Tell us how it is going for you.
It’s going slow right now. I’ve been busy and sick. I’ve gotten one scene written since I finished Act 2. Hopefully, I will get caught up this weekend, if not before.
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Amy’s Completed Act 2
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…I didn’t really learn anything new, but it feels good to keep moving through this first draft and be at the halfway point already.
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Amy’s Continuing Act 2
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…I wrote a couple of scenes that didn’t live up to my expectations, so I had to empower myself again. I haven’t been able to write every day, so I’m a little bit behind at this point.
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Amy Began Act 2
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…I’m still not writing fast. I caught myself editing and wordsmithing. I feel like this first draft is already bad enough. If I write faster, it will be worse. I need to chew on this.
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Amy’s Next Act 1 Scenes
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
Wat I learned from doing
this assignment is…the writing is going better now. I’m actually starting to
enjoy writing this screenplay. I tried the test where you see if you can write
a scene in 5 minutes and I didn’t even get one page done. I’ve been under the
impression that I write pretty fast, but maybe not. I’m almost done with the first
act. Just once scene left -
Amy’s Finished Act 1
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…no new revelations. I am finished with Act 1. I know the scenes where I didn’t get around to figuring out a beginning, middle and end with interest techniques are probably going to have to be rewritten.
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Amy’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I have to stay empowered to make it through this first draft. When it feels like the whole thing is becoming derailed, I just have to get empowered again and go to the next scene. I’m not quite finished with Act 1.
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Amy’s High Speed Writing Rules
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to not judge my work too harshly on the first draft and just get the writing done.
INT. – SITTING ROOM – DAY
STEPHANIE ALEXANDER, 25, sits on the castle’s fancy couch, way too dressed up to be staying in doors. She sips tea and nibbles on a cookie.
CHLOE WILLIAMS, also, 25, sits next to her, a little more down to earth in business casual.
STEPHANIE
Can you believe the ball is in only two days? I have so much to do.
CHLOE
You’re kidding! All you have to is show up. You have people to do everything else.
The two laugh.
CHLOE
Have you decided on a costume yet?
STEPHANIE
Yes, but you’ll just have to be surprised like everyone else.
CHLOE
Oh, come on! I’m your best friend.
Stephanie grins mischievously.
WILLIS (O.S.)
Your highness! Your highness!
WILLIS ALFRED, 60s, approaches quickly and frantically followed by AVA ALEXANDER, 50s who moves with grace and dignity.
STEPHANIE
Whatever is the problem, Willis?
AVA
There’s no problem, dear.
WILLIS
I beg to differ. I’ve just discovered that your highness is scheduled to speak at the symphony concert the same night as the ball.
Ava rolls her eyes in exasperation.
STEPHANIE
WHAT?
AVA
Willis, Willis, you’re making far too big a deal of this.
STEPHANIE
MOTHER! This is a crisis!
Stephanie bolts up from her position on the couch, throwing her tea cup down as she does. It crashes to the floor and breaks.
She begins pacing and stomping around the room.
STEPHANIE
I am the Princess Stephanie of ?. I have must fulfill all my duties to the public. I must be at the ball, and I am the official spokesman for the ? Symphony. GAH!
Stephanie makes a motion like she’s going to pull her hair out. Chloe watches her friend, not surprised but kind of afraid at the same time.
CHLOE
Stephanie, calm down. It’s not the end of the world.
Stephanie turns on her friend, fire in her eyes.
STEPHANIE
It IS the end of the world.
(to Willis)
How could you let this happen?
Stephanie still paces and stomps and pulls at her hair.
STEPHANIE
This is unacceptable. Willis, if you can’t do your job, then maybe you should look for employment elsewhere.
Willis roles his eyes like he’s heard this before.
Suddenly, another FEMALE STAFF MEMBER rushes into the room.
FEMALE STAFF MEMBER
Your highnesses! Your highnesses! We made a call to the symphony and discovered that the wrong date was written in your calendar. The symphony concert is the night after the ball.
Stephanie abruptly stops pacing and stomping and runs over to hug the woman.
Ava sighs a sigh of relief.
STEPHANIE
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Stephanie turns to Willis and gives him the evil eye.
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Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to not judge my work too harshly on the first draft and just get the writing done.
Writing this scene was pretty easy since I had mapped it out in the outline. I was able to do it pretty quickly.
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Amy’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is this is an important step to fleshing out what is happening in each scene and prepares you to write. This is a work in progress. I’m going to continue working on this.
Title: Unroyally in Love
Act 1:
1. INT. – SITTING ROOM – DAY
While visiting with her best friend, Chloe, Stephanie learns of a glitch in her schedule and declares that she’s not going to attend the masquerade ball, one of the biggest royal events of the year, until her mother the queen sets her straight.
Scene Arc: From calm and happy to enraged and then back to calm
Essence: Stephanie throws a royal fit
Conflict: Stephanie is mad at the person who messed up her schedule
Subtext: Stephanie is self-centered.
Hope/fear: That Stephanie will be nice and forgiving to the poor lady who messed up her schedule
Beginning (Mislead)-Stephanie and Chloe are planning their outfits for the ball until someone from the staff comes in and tells Stephanie she is scheduled to appear at the symphony concert the same night.
Middle (external dilemma)- Stephanie can’t not attend the ball and she can’t let the symphony down either.
End (Reveal)- Stephanie flies into a rage until her mother comes in and tells her that the wrong date was written in her calendar and the symphony is actually on a different night.
2. INT. – BALLROOM – NIGHT
The queen introduces Stephanie and formerly opens up the ball.
Essence: Stephanie is introduced
3. INT. – BALLROOM -NIGHT
Stephanie dances with a handsome stranger at the masquerade ball, who turns out to be Prince Jack from the country next door who she hates. He acts like he doesn’t know who she is while simultaneously trying to woo her. She is insulted and demands to know who he is and how he got into the ball, until he reveals himself. Then she gets angry and the two spar verbally.
Scene Arc: Stephanie goes from enjoying the ball to getting into a fight with Jack.
Essence: Show that Stephanie and Jack have known each other their whole lives and they don’t like each other.
Conflict: Stephanie and Jack fight.
Subtext: Stephanie is a spoiled princess and Jack is arrogant and self-absorbed
Hope/fear: That Stephanie will like this handsome stranger that is coming on to her.
Beginning (intrigue)-Stephanie is approached by a handsome stranger with a mask who asks her to dance.
Middle (uncomfortable moment) – The handsome stranger doesn’t know Stephanie is the princess.
End (surprise) – The handsome stranger is Prince Jack from the country next door who definitely know who Stephanie is and who she hates.
4. INT. – SITTING ROOM – DAY
A historian visits the castle and to talk to Stephanie, Ava and Willis and informs them that he’s looking into the legitimacy of the royal line. Stephanie throws herself on the nearest couch and sobs.
Scene Arc: Everyone is happy to everyone is distraught.
Essence: The royal family finds out they may not be royal
Conflict: The royal family may not be royal
Subtext: What is going to happen to Stephanie and her mother?
Hope/fear: Fear that the Stephanie and her mother may have their lives upended
Beginning (mystery) – The royal historian visits. What does he want?
Middle (major twist)- The historian tells the royal family they may not be royal.
End (cliffhanger) – Stephanie and her mom have to wait for the historian to do more research to find out if they’re royal or not.
5. EXT. – GARDEN – DAY
Stephanie discusses the possibility of not being royal with Chloe and the two brainstorm about what she can do.
Scene Arc: Stephanie is distraught to Stephanie has been talked off the ledge by Chloe
Essence: Stephanie and Chloe brainstorm what Stephanie is going to do.
Conflict: Stephanie may not be royal
Subtext: Stephanie doesn’t know any other life besides being royal. How is she going to survive this?
Hope/fear: That Stephanie and Chloe will come up with some brilliant plan to stop this from happening.
6. INT. – SITTING ROOM – DAY
The historian informs the family that they are not royals. Says he will keep his mouth shut for now, but tells them they must decide how they are going to proceed.
Scene Arc: The family goes from fear of what the historian might say to being devastated.
Essence: Stephanie and her mother find out they’re not royal
Conflict: Stephanie and her mother are not royal.
Subtext: What will Stephanie and her mother do? What happens next?
Hope/fear: Fear of what happens to Stephanie and her mother now.
7. EXT. – GRAVEYARD – DAY
Stephanie visits her father’s grave wearing a tiara to talk to him about what’s just happened and vows that she will do what he would have done in this situation.
Scene Arc: Stephanie is distraught to feeling better after talking to her father.
Essence: Stephanie talks to her father about what has just transpired.
Conflict: Stephanie refuses to accept that she’s not royal.
Subtext: Stephanie can’t accept any other reality than being royal.
Hope/fear:
8. EXT. – (SOME RIBBON CUTTING CEREMONY in Jack’s country) – DAY
The historian runs into Jack and casually mentions that Stephanie’s family is not really royal.
Scene Arc: Jack is happily going about his business to being disturbed by the historian’s news.
Essence: Jack finds out that Stephanie is not royal after all.
Conflict: Jack challenges the historian when he gives him the news.
Subtext: Jack will protect Stephanie.
Hope/fear: That Jack will punch the historian.
9. INT. – SITTING ROOM – DAY
Jack approaches Stephanie and Ava about helping them with their predicament. Stephanie emphatically says no.
Scene Arc: Stephanie is mildly annoyed by Jack’s visit to completely enraged that he thinks she needs his help.
Essence: Jack offers help to Stephanie.
Conflict: Stephanie doesn’t want help from Jack. She’s irritated at just the thought of it.
Subtext: Romantic tension between Jack and Stephanie.
Hope/fear: Stephanie will accept Jack’s help.
10. INT. – CAFÉ – DAY
Historian meets with a member of the press and the leaks the news about Stephanie’s family not being royal.
Scene Arc: A casual meeting between the historian and Clara to the historian dropping a bomb (that Stephanie and her family are not royal)
Essence: The historian leaks the news to the press.
Conflict: Clara refuses to believe the historian at first.
Hope/fear: That Clara will brush the historian off and not report on what he told her
Beginning (intrigue)-the historian meets Clara the reporter in a café
Middle (betrayal) The historian tells Clara that Stephanie and Ava are not really royal.
End (internal dilemma) – the reporter isn’t sure she believes the historian. If he’s wrong and she reports it her career would be over. If he’s right and the doesn’t report it, she misses the story of the century.
11. INT. – (SOME ROOM IN THE CASTLE WHERE THERE IS A tv) – DAY
Stephanie, Avis and Willis watch in horror as the news reports that they are not the true royal family. They show scenes of the country in chaos.
Scene Arc: Stephanie, Ava and Willis go from suffering their fate in private to it now being very public.
Essence: The country finds out that Stephanie and Ava are not royal.
Conflict: The news of the royal family not being royal becomes public and the country is in chaos.
Subtext: What will the royal family do now?
Hope/fear: That the country will become unstable and everything will only get worse.
Beginning (superior position) – Clara teases the next news segment by saying she has breaking news about the royal family.
Middle (surprise) – Clara reports that Stephanie and Ava are not really royal.
End (uncertainty) – Cameras record reactions from around the country. There is unrest in the land. Clara wonders on air who the rightful royal family is.
12. INT. OFFICE – DAY
The politicians in the country demand that Stephanie’s family vacate the castle.
Scene Arc: Stephanie and her mom at least have a place to live to deal with their predicament to essentially becoming homeless.
Essence: Stephanie and Ava get kicked out of the castle.
Conflict: Stephanie and Ava argue with the politicians.
Subtext: What will Stephanie and Ava do now?
Hope/fear: That Stephanie and Ava have no place to go.
Beginning (suspense) Members of parliament visit the castle. What do they want?
Middle (major twist) The members of parliament want Stephanie and Ava to vacate the castle.
End (cliffhanger) Stephanie and Ava realize they have nowhere to go.
13. INT. – PRESS ROOM – DAY
Historian identifies the rightful princess, but no one has any idea where she is. The press and all the politicians vow to find her.
Scene Arc: Everyone is curious to hear from the historian. Then they are shocked to hear the name of the rightful princess.
Essence: The historian identifies the rightful princess.
Conflict: No one knows anything about the rightful princess or where she might be.
Subtext: Stephanie has competition now.
Hope/fear: That the rightful princess will come forward and take everything away from Stephanie and her mother.
Beginning (mystery)- The historian says he has an announcement.
Middle (surprise) – The historian has identified the woman who is the rightful princess
End (cliffhanger) – The historian announces he has no idea where this woman is.
14. INT. – OFFICE – DAY
Stephanie’s mom, Ava convinces her to accepts Jack’s help. Stephanie calls Jack to inform him.
Scene Arc: Stephanie is adamant that they will not accept help from Jack to Stephanie concedes to accepting help from Jack.
Essence: Ava convinces Stephanie to accept help from Jack.
Conflict: Stephanie fights with her mom about accepting help from Jack.
Subtext: Stephanie is too proud to accept help, especially from someone she hates.
Hope/fear: Stephanie will accept help from Jack so she and her mother won’t be homeless.
15. INT. – JACK’S CASTLE – DAY
Jack discusses helping Stephanie with his father the king. His father doesn’t want him to do it. Jack says he’s going to help her anyway.
Scene Arc: Jack and his father, Brandon are cordial with one another to them being angry at one another.
Essence: Jack tells his father he offered to help Stephanie.
Conflict: Jack’s father doesn’t want Jack to help Stephanie.
Subtext: Jack and his father have a broken relationship.
Hope/fear: That Jack and his father will come to an agreement.
Beginning (superior position) Jack tells his father he wants to discuss something with him. His father is happy to talk to him.
Middle: (surprise) Jack’s father is against Jack helping Stephanie and her mother.
End (uncomfortable moment) – Jack’s father tells Jack to go ahead and help them but says he doesn’t think it’s a very good idea.
16. INT. – JACK’S CASTLE – SITTING ROOM – DAY
Jack tells Rob that he’s going to try to get Stephanie to fall in love with him. He considers it a challenge and it will finally get her to stop hating him and he will have won.
Scene Arc: Jack and Rob are casually talking to Jack has cooked up a devious plan to get Stephanie to fall for him to get Stephanie to fall in love with him.
Essence: Jack decides to try to get Stephanie to fall in love with him.
Conflict: Rob warns Jack against playing with Stephanie’s feelings.
Subtext: Jack is arrogant and self-absorbed.
Hope/fear: Rob will be able to talk Jack out of planning to manipulate Stephanie’s feelings.
17. EXT. – CASTLE – DAY
The press surrounds Stephanie and Ava the day they leave the castle.
Scene Arc:
Essence: Stephanie and Ava leave the castle in disgrace as the country looks on.
Conflict: Stephanie and Ava have to avoid the rude questioning by the press.
Subtext: Stephanie and Ava are humiliated.
Beginning (superior position) The press surround Stephanie and Ava the day they leave the castle and want to know where they’re going, but neither one of them speaks.
Middle (uncomfortable moment) The press ask Stephanie and Ava pointed questions about whether they are homeless, disgraced, humiliated.
End (reveal) – Stephanie tells the press they are going to Prince Jack’s summer house until this whole mess is straightened out.
18. INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE IN STEPHANIE’S COUNTRY – DAY
Stephanie and Ava get settled in. Jack and Stephanie spar.
Scene Arc: Stephanie thanks Jack through gritted teeth for his hospitality. Then they get into a fight.
Essence: Stephanie and Ava settle in to Jack’s summer home.
Conflict: Stephanie and Jack fight.
Subtext: Romantic tension.
Act 2:
19. INT- JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – DAY
Jack and Rob give Stephanie lessons on how to become a commoner.
Scene Arc: Awkwardness between Jack and Rob and Stephanie to the three laughing.
Essence: Stephanie gets her first lesson on how to become a commoner.
Conflict: Stephanie fights Rob and Jack at first.
Subtext: Stephanie has no intention of accepting that she’s not a commoner.
Hope/fear:
Beginning (uncomfortable moment) Stephanie must submit to Jack’s instruction and his friend Rob looking on, despite her hatred of him.
Middle (uncertainty) Stephanie responds to Jack and Rob’s quizzes on how to behave as a commoner in a way that is both hilarious and makes it seem like there’s no hope for this mission.
End (internal dilemma) Stephanie falls apart. She’s been a royal her whole life. She’s not sure she can ever be a commoner. She leaves the room in tears.
20. INT. – STORE – DAY
Stephanie lets Jack take her shopping like commoners do. Completely out of her element, Stephanie starts ordering everyone in the store around. She and Jack have to leave in shame.
Scene Arc: Stephanie and Jack walk quietly into the store and by the time they leave, it’s chaos.
Essence: Stephanie makes a scene at the store.
Conflict: Stephanie orders people around and makes everyone mad.
Subtext: Stephanie is selfish and self-centered and has no intention of accepting that she’s not royal.
Hope/fear: That Stephanie won’t mess this up.
Beginning (uncertainty) Jack and Stephanie walk into the store seemingly unnoticed but look around nervously. Jack picks up a handbasket.
Middle (surprise) Everything is going fine until Stephanie can’t find spaghetti sauce. She summons some unfortunate woman who happens to be walking by and demands that she find the spaghetti sauce. When the woman refuses, Stephanie becomes incensed and starts making a scene.
End (uncomfortable moment) Jack has to drag Stephanie out of the store in shame with everyone looking on and everyone having realized who they are.
21. EXT. – PARK – NIGHT
Stephanie meets with a private detective and asks him to investigate the historian that outed her family.
Scene Arc: Stephanie makes a mysterious phone call. Stephanie plans to get some dirt on the historian.
Essence: Stephanie contacts a detective to get him to investigate the historian.
Conflict: Stephanie’s scheme against the historian.
Subtext: Stephanie has no intention of accepting that she’s not royal.
Hope/fear: The detective will agree to help Stephanie.
Beginning (mystery) Stephanie slips away from everyone to make a mysterious phone call.
Middle (surprise) Stephanie is talking to a private detective. She asks him to investigate the royal historian.
End (superior position) Jack has been listening at the door.
22. INT. – ART GALLERY – DAY
Jack takes Stephanie to a park to interact with commoners. Although Stephanie doesn’t interact with the commoners well, she and Jack start to enjoy each other’s company.
Scene Arc: Stephanie and Jack go from being unnoticed to attracting the paparazzi and having to leave the park.
Essence: Jack takes Stephanie to the park to interact with commoners, but it doesn’t go well.
Conflict: Between Stephanie and the press
Subtext: Stephanie thinks she’s too good to interact with commoners.
Hope/fear: That Jack and Stephanie will get closer. That this little outing will be successful for Stephanie. Fear that Stephanie will mess it up like at the store.
Beginning (more interesting setting) Stephanie and Jack visit an art gallery where a famous artist is giving a lecture. At first, they just look at paintings unnoticed because the gallery is mostly empty.
Middle (misinterpretation) Where the speaker is already in the middle of his/her speech, Stephanie demands to be shown to the front of the room to one of the best seats. Jack explains that that’s not what commoners do. She starts to argue with him. They make a scene.
End (uncomfortable moment) The press is now more interested in Stephanie than the speaker. The whole event is ruined. Stephanie is embarrassed and runs out of the gallery with Jack following behind.
23. INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE- NIGHT
Jack, Stephanie, Ava, Chloe, Rob and Jack’s father, Brandon all have dinner together. Sparks fly between Chloe and Rob. Jack and his father argue.
Scene Arc: Everyone is having a nice dinner to Jack and his father fighting and everything turning awkward.
Essence: Everyone at the summer house spending time together.
Conflict: Jack and his father fight.
Subtext: The dysfunction in Jack and Brandon’s relationship. Sparks between Rob and Chloe
Hope/fear: That the dinner will end as pleasantly as it started.
Beginning (suspense) Stephanie, Ava, Chloe, Jack, Brandon and Rob are all seated at the dinner table. It’s a weird mix of people and no one is sure what to say.
Middle (uncomfortable moment) Everyone starts the discuss the elephant in the room, Stephanie and Ava not being royal. Everyone has an opinion. Soon, Jack and Brandon are the only ones having the discussion. Brandon makes it clear he doesn’t think he and Jack getting involved is a good idea.
End (external dilemma) Jack must state whether he’s going to follow his father’s wishes and get in his good graces or continue to help Stephanie.
24. INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Stephanie informs her mother that she’s talking to a detective.
Scene Arc: Stephanie and her mother having a pleasant conversation to having a disagreement by the end.
Essence: Stephanie informs her mother that she’s hired a detective to investigate the historian.
Conflict: Ava doesn’t want Stephanie to work with the detective.
Subtext: Stephanie has no intention of accepting that she and her mother are not royal.
Hope/fear: That Ava will go along with Stephanie’s plan
Beginning (mislead) Stephanie and her mother discuss what they’re going to do about their predicament.
Middle (reveal) Stephanie reveals to her mother that’s she hired a detective to look into the investigator and put a stop to all this nonsense.
End (external dilemma) Stephanie ends of fighting with her mother who wants to just accept what has happened. Stephanie must choose between what her mother wants and what she wants.
25. EXT. – PARK – NIGHT
Stephanie meets with the detective who informs her the historian is squeaky clean, albeit mean. Stephanie becomes enraged. Clara the reporter pops out from behind a tree and confesses that she has the whole conversation on camera.
Scene Arc: Stephanie goes from being hopeful to being angry.
Essence: Stephanie finds out from the detective that he couldn’t find any dirt on the historian.
Conflict: Stephanie gets angry with the detective.
Subtext: Stephanie has no intention of accepting that she’s not royal, even now.
Hope/fear:
Beginning (intrigue) Stephanie sneaks into the park and meets the detective.
Middle (superior position) Clara, the reporter is hiding behind a tree.
End (surprise) The detective tells Stephanie that the historian is squeaky clean, albeit mean.
26. EXT. – PARK – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
Clara jumps out from behind a tree with her cameraman and says she caught the whole conversation on camera.
Essence: Stephanie is confronted by Clara and finds out that she is going to be exposed.
Conflict: Stephanie threatens Clara if she airs the tape.
Subtext: Stephanie is about to get an even worse reputation
Beginning (surprise) Clara jumps out from behind the tree with her camera man and tells Stephanie she got her whole conversation on camera.
Middle (betrayal) Stephanie asks Clara how she knew they were there. Clara says the detective told her.
End (external dilemma) Stephanie threatens Clara if she airs the tape. Then Clara has her on tape threatening a reporter. Now things are worse for her.
27. INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – NIGHT
Everyone watches in horror as the events in the park are displayed on the news for all the world to see.
Scene Arc: Everyone is happy to everyone is horrified.
Essence: Everyone at the summer realize what happened at the park and that Stephanie has been even more humiliated.
Conflict: Brandon becomes angry with Jack.
Subtext: Brandon is about to give Jack an ultimatum.
Hope/fear: Things are even worse for Stephanie now than they were before.
Beginning (suspense) Everyone at the summer house watches Clara announce that she has breaking news about Princess Stephanie.
Middle (uncomfortable moment) Everyone watches in horror as the news station plays the video that Clara got earlier. They point out that Stephanie has been seen with Prince Jack a lot lately. Then enrages Brandon.
End (cliffhanger) Everyone realizes they have no idea where Stephanie is and she’s not answering her phone. Brandon demands to speak to Jack privately.
28. INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – NIGHT
Brandon demands that Jack stop helping Stephanie because it’s bad PR for the family. They argue and Jack leaves angry.
Scene Arc: Brandon is angry with Jack to Jack becoming angry and walking out.
Essence: Brandon demands that Jack distance himself from Stephanie in public.
Conflict: Jack and his father fight about Jack helping Stephanie.
Subtext: Jack has no plans to stop helping Stephanie.
Hope/fear: That Jack and his father will come to an agreement.
Beginning (suspense)- What is Brandon going to say to Jack?
Middle (surprise) Brandon wants Jack to distance himself from Stephanie in public
End (external dilemma) Jack has to choose between obey his father or helping Stephanie.
29. INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – DAY
Jack informs Stephanie that he can no longer help her in public, though she and her mother can still stay at his family’s house until they figure out where they are going to go. He accidently lets it slip that he’s
fallen for her.
Scene Arc: Jack is informing Stephanie that he can longer help her publicly but will help her privately. By the end of the scene, he has accidently let it slip that he’s fallen for her.
Essence: Jack informs Stephanie that he has to distance himself from her publicly.
Conflict: Jack is going to defy his father and help Stephanie in secret.
Subtext:
Hope/fear:
Beginning (suspense) What will Jack tell Stephanie?
Middle (surprise) Stephanie confesses it wasn’t going that well anyway.
End (internal dilemma) Can Stephanie realistically live as a commoner, or is she too set in her ways.
30. INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – DAY
Jack confesses to Rob that he’s fallen for Stephanie for real and that he’s going to pursue her. He teases Rob about his budding relationship with Chloe.
Essence: Jack confesses to Rob that he has feelings for Stephanie and that he’s going to pursue her.
31. EXT. – STREETS – NIGHT
Stephanie sneaks out of the castle one night in a disguise and walks through town. She sees homeless people on the street. She talks to a father who is getting off work from his second job to support his family. She walks by an orphanage and sees all of the children through a window. She talks to a homeless woman and realizes that she is one everyone has been looking for, the rightful princess, but she keeps it to herself.
Scene Arc: Stephanie is unaware of the suffering in her kingdom to being very much aware of it.
Essence: Stephanie sees the real people in her kingdom for the first time
Conflict: What will Stephanie do with her newfound knowledge of the rightful princess.
Subtext: Stephanie has been very self-centered up until this point.
Hope/fear: That meeting the rightful princess will really mess things up for Stephanie
Beginning (suspense)-Stephanie sneaks out of the castle. Where is she going?
Middle (surprise) Stephanie walks by the orphanage and sees the children in the window. She’s touched. She continues walking and comes across a man on his way home from his second job. It turns out he’s a single father trying to provide for his family. This touches Stephanie too.
End (major twist) Stephanie comes across a homeless woman and starts talking to her. She finds out her name. It’s the woman who identified as being the rightful princess. Stephanie walks off without saying anything else to her.
32. INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY
Stephanie calls a lawyer to find out what her options are for keeping her royal title. He tells her he’ll look into it. He tells her he doesn’t think there’s anything he can do.
Scene Arc: Stephanie goes from hopeful to deflated.
Essence: Stephanie is grasping at one last straw to remain royal.
Conflict: Stephanie argues with the lawyer
Subtext: Stephanie knows who/where the rightful princess is, but she’s still trying to hold on to her title.
Hope/fear: That the lawyer will be able to help her.
33. INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – DAY
Ava advises Stephanie to do something to improve her public image.
Scene Arc: A nice moment between mother and daughter to an argument to the two being in agreement
Essence: Ava tries to convince Stephanie to do something to improve her public image
Conflict: Stephanie doesn’t want to go along with her mother’s idea at first
Subtext: Stephanie is still hoping to remain the princess.
Hope/fear: That Stephanie will agree to do something good for her kingdom.
Act 3:
34. INT. – PRESS ROOM – DAY
Stephanie announces an initiative to help the orphanage she came across while she was out wondering the streets.
Essence: Stephanie announces that she’s starting an initiative to help the orphanage.
Beginning (suspense) Stephanie holds a press conference. What will she say?
Middle (surprise) Stephanie announces that she’s starting an initiative to help the orphanage.
End (superior position) Someone asks Stephanie if there’s anything else she’d like to tell them. She thinks for a minute and then says no.
35. INT. – ORPHANAGE – DAY
Stephanie visits all of the children. She makes a plea to the public to help the kids.
Essence: Stephanie makes a public appearance at the orphanage and asks the public to help the kids.
Subtext: Although Stephanie is speaking on behalf of the kids, she is enjoying the favorable attention from the press.
36. INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE
Jack surprises Stephanie with a fancy dinner and a private concert. He also surprises her with clothing and toy donations for the orphanage.
Scene Arc: Stephanie doesn’t know what’s going on to finding out she is on a fancy date with Jack.
Essence: Jack and Stephanie have a date.
Beginning (suspense) Stephanie shows up on the terrace not sure why she’s there ( she got an anonymous note) to find a table set up for a candlelight dinner. Jack appears.
Middle (surprise) Jack takes Stephanie to a room just inside where there are toys and kids’ clothes for the orphanage. She is touched.
End (surprise) Jack has hired a string quartet to play for them while they eat.
37. INT. – ORPHANAGE – DAY
Stephanie, Chloe, Rob and Ava work at the orphanage to sort clothing and toy donations that have come in.
38. INT. JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – NIGHT
The news reports on Stephanie’s good work with the orphanage and paint her in a favorable light once again.
39. EXT. – ORPHANGE – DAY
Stephanie is drawn to the cameras and seems to have forgotten about the children. The reporter keeps asking her about the children, but she keeps wanting to talk about the fact that she’s still the princess. The reporter her asks her what about the children. She says who? And the crowd turns on her.
Scene Arc: Stephanie starts out being adored by the press and public and by the end of the scene everyone has turned on her.
Essence: Stephanie gets caught up in the attention that helping the orphanage is bringing to her and forgets about the kids.
Conflict: Stephanie is in conflict with the public.
Subtext: Stephanie is still the same.
Hope/fear: Fear that Stephanie is once in the bad graces of her country
40. INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – NIGHT
Everyone watches in horror once again as the press accuses Stephanie of helping the orphanage for selfish reasons. Stephanie is mortified.
41. INT. – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack snubs Stephanie at dinner.
Essence: A dinner, Jack snubs Stephanie.
Conflict: Jack snubs Stephanie causing her to be angry with him.
Subtext: Jack is having second thoughts about Stephanie.
42. INT. – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Stephanie sobs on the phone to Chloe.
Scene Arc: Stephanie is very distraught and then feeling a little better after talking to Chloe.
Essence: Stephanie confides in Chloe about her feelings for Jack.
43. EXT. – GARDEN – NIGHT
Stephanie confides to her mother that she finally sees how selfish she’s been and how it’s hurt the ones she loves. She vows to change.
Scene Arc: Stephanie starts out not understanding why things are happening the way they are to realizing that she has been the cause of all her problems.
Essence: Stephanie realizes how selfish she’s been and how she’s hurt the ones she loves.
Conflict: Stephanie fights with herself as the talks to her mom.
Subtext: Stephanie’s transformation from a self-centered person into a caring person.
Hope/fear:
Act 4 Climax:
44. EXT. – STREETS – DAY
Stephanie goes to the place where she found the homeless woman, the rightful princess and gives her the news that she’s a princess.
Scene Arc: Stephanie is searching the streets for the homeless woman who is the rightful princess. She finds her and gives her the news that she’s the princess.
Essence: Stephanie seeks out the rightful princess and tells her she’s the princess.
Conflict: Stephanie has trouble finding the homeless woman she found the other night.
Subtext: Stephanie has changed.
Hope/fear: Both hope and fear that Stephanie will find the woman
45. INT. – CASTLE – DAY
Stephanie announces to the staff that she has the rightful princess. Willis comes to help her.
Scene Arc: Stephanie brings in the homeless woman to a surprised Willis. Stephanie has to convince Willis she’s the princess. Then he agrees to help her.
Essence: Stephanie introduces the rightful princess to the palace staff
Conflict: The staff doesn’t accept the homeless woman as the princess at first.
Hope/fear: The staff will help the homeless woman.
Montage:
Stephanie making over the homeless woman into a princess.
46. INT. – CASTLE – NIGHT
Stephanie holds a press event where she gives a passionate speech and presents the homeless woman as the country’s real princess and indirectly tells Jack that she loves him.
Scene Arc: It’s just a normal press conference until Stephanie presents the rightful princess and causes a frenzy.
Essence: Stephanie introduces the rightful princess to the country
Conflict: The press is hostile towards Stephanie at first.
Subtext: Stephanie indirectly but very publicly tells Jack that she loves him.
Hope/fear: Stephanie’s message to Jack will soften his heart towards her.
47. INT. -JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – NIGHT
Jack watches Stephanie’s speech on TV.
Scene Arc: Jack is stoic and judgmental as he watches Stephanie. Then he touched.
Essence: Jack learns that Stephanie loves him.
Conflict: Jack doesn’t want to watch Stephanie’s speech at first and almost leaves.
Subtext: Stephanie is telling Jack that she loves him.
Hope/fear: Jack’s heart will be softened by Stephanie’s speech.
48. INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – NIGHT
Jack stands up to his father and announces that he’s going after Stephanie. The two reconcile. His father recognizes that he’s ready to be king and says he will announce that he’s stepping down.
Scene Arc: Jack and his father don’t see eye to eye, but after Jack stands up to him, his father has a newfound respect for him and the two reconcile.
Essence: Jack stands up to his father and the two reconcile.
Conflict: Jack stands up to his father.
Subtext: Jack can stand on his own now.
Hope/fear: Jack will win his father over.
49. INT. – CASTLE – NIGHT
The new princess gives Stephanie a thank you allowance and makes her an ambassador for the country.
Essence: The new princess thanks Stephanie by making her an ambassador for the country.
Subtext: All is right in the kingdom again.
50. INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – LATER
Stephanie shows up and announces that she’ll be leaving Jack’s house and finding her own place. He tells he that he was wrong about her and that he’s madly in love with her. She confesses that she’s in love with him too. He proposes to her in front of his father, Rob, Chloe and Ava. She accepts. Everyone laughs and cries and congratulates the happy couple. Stephanie is going to be royalty after all.
Scene Arc: Stephanie starts out with plans to leave Jack’s house but ends up getting engaged to Jack.
Essence: Jack and Stephanie get engaged.
Conflict: Stephanie is going to leave Jack’s house.
Hope/fear: Jack and Stephanie will get together.
-
Amy’s Scene Requirements
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is looking for the essence, conflict, subtext and hope/fear in each scene helped me to think through my story more clearly.
Title: Unroyally in Love
Act 1:
INT. – SITTING ROOM – DAY
While visiting with her best friend, Chloe, Stephanie learns of a glitch in her schedule and declares that she’s not going to attend the masquerade ball, one of the biggest royal events of the year, until her mother the queen sets her straight.
Scene Arc: From calm and happy to enraged and then back to calm
Essence: Stephanie throws a royal fit
Conflict: Stephanie is mad at the person who messed up her schedule
Subtext: Stephanie is self-centered.
Hope/fear: That Stephanie will be nice and forgiving to the poor lady who messed up her schedule
INT. – BALLROOM – NIGHT
The queen introduces Stephanie and formerly opens up the ball.
Essence: Stephanie is introduced
INT. – BALLROOM -NIGHT
Stephanie dances with a handsome stranger at the masquerade ball, who turns out to be Prince Jack from the country next door who she hates. He acts like he doesn’t know who she is while simultaneously trying to woo her. She is insulted and demands to know who he is and how he got into the ball, until he reveals himself. Then she gets angry and the two spar verbally.
Scene Arc: Stephanie goes from enjoying the ball to getting into a fight with Jack.
Essence: Show that Stephanie and Jack have known each other their whole lives and they don’t like each other.
Conflict: Stephanie and Jack fight.
Subtext: Stephanie is a spoiled princess and Jack is arrogant and self-absorbed
Hope/fear: That Stephanie will like this handsome stranger that is coming on to her.
INT. – SITTING ROOM – DAY
A historian visits the castle and to talk to Stephanie, Ava and Willis and informs them that he’s looking into the legitimacy of the royal line. Stephanie throws herself on the nearest couch and sobs.
Scene Arc: Everyone is happy to everyone is distraught.
Essence: The royal family finds out they may not be royal
Conflict: The royal family may not be royal
Subtext: What is going to happen to Stephanie and her mother?
Hope/fear: Fear that Stephanie and her mother may have their lives upended
EXT. – GARDEN – DAY
Stephanie discusses the possibility of not being royal with Chloe and the two brainstorm about what she can do.
Scene Arc: Stephanie is distraught to Stephanie has been talked off the ledge by Chloe
Essence: Stephanie and Chloe brainstorm what Stephanie is going to do.
Conflict: Stephanie may not be royal
Subtext: Stephanie doesn’t know any other life besides being royal. How is she going to survive this?
Hope/fear: That Stephanie and Chloe will come up with some brilliant plan to stop this from happening.
INT. – SITTING ROOM – DAY
The historian informs the family that they are not royals. Says he will keep his mouth shut for now, but tells them they must decide how they are going to proceed.
Scene Arc: The family goes from fear of what the historian might say to being devastated.
Essence: Stephanie and her mother find out they’re not royal
Conflict: Stephanie and her mother are not royal.
Subtext: What will Stephanie and her mother do? What happens next?
Hope/fear: Fear of what happens to Stephanie and her mother now.
EXT. – GRAVEYARD – DAY
Stephanie visits her father’s grave wearing a tiara to talk to him about what’s just happened and vows that she will do what he would have done in this situation.
Scene Arc: Stephanie is distraught to feeling better after talking to her father.
Essence: Stephanie talks to her father about what has just transpired.
Conflict: Stephanie refuses to accept that she’s not royal.
Subtext: Stephanie can’t accept any other reality than being royal.
Hope/fear:
EXT. – (SOME RIBBON CUTTING CEREMONY in Jack’s country) – DAY
The historian runs into Jack and casually mentions that Stephanie’s family is not really royal.
Scene Arc: Jack is happily going about his business to being disturbed by the historian’s news.
Essence: Jack finds out that Stephanie is not royal after all.
Conflict: Jack challenges the historian when he gives him the news.
Subtext: Jack will protect Stephanie.
Hope/fear: That Jack will punch the historian.
INT. – SITTING ROOM – DAY
Jack approaches Stephanie and Ava about helping them with their predicament. Stephanie emphatically says no.
Scene Arc: Stephanie is mildly annoyed by Jack’s visit to completely enraged that he thinks she needs his help.
Essence: Jack offers help to Stephanie.
Conflict: Stephanie doesn’t want help from Jack. She’s irritated at just the thought of it.
Subtext: Romantic tension between Jack and Stephanie.
Hope/fear: Stephanie will accept Jack’s help.
INT. – CAFÉ – DAY
Historian meets with a member of the press and leaks the news about Stephanie’s family not being royal.
Scene Arc: A casual meeting between the historian and Clara to the historian dropping a bomb (that Stephanie and her family are not royal)
Essence: The historian leaks the news to the press.
Conflict: Clara refuses to believe the historian at first.
Hope/fear: That Clara will brush the historian off and not report on what he told her
INT. – (SOME ROOM IN THE CASTLE WHERE THERE IS A tv) – DAY
Stephanie, Avis and Willis watch in horror as the news reports that they are not the true royal family. They show scenes of the country in chaos.
Scene Arc: Stephanie, Ava and Willis go from suffering their fate in private to it now being very public.
Essence: The country finds out that Stephanie and Ava are not royal.
Conflict: The news of the royal family not being royal becomes public and the country is in chaos.
Subtext: What will the royal family do now?
Hope/fear: That the country will become unstable and everything will only get worse.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
The politicians in the country demand that Stephanie’s family vacate the castle.
Scene Arc: Stephanie and her mom at least have a place to live to deal with their predicament to essentially becoming homeless.
Essence: Stephanie and Ava get kicked out of the castle.
Conflict: Stephanie and Ava argue with the politicians.
Subtext: What will Stephanie and Ava do now?
Hope/fear: That Stephanie and Ava have no place to go.
INT. – PRESS ROOM – DAY
Historian identifies the rightful princess, but no one has any idea where she is. The press and all the politicians vow to find her.
Scene Arc: Everyone is curious to hear from the historian. Then they are shocked to hear the name of the rightful princess.
Essence: The historian identifies the rightful princess.
Conflict: No one knows anything about the rightful princess or where she might be.
Subtext: Stephanie has competition now.
Hope/fear: That the rightful princess will come forward and take everything away from Stephanie and her mother.
INT. – OFFICE – DAY
Stephanie’s mom, Ava convinces her to accept Jack’s help. Stephanie calls Jack to inform him.
Scene Arc: Stephanie is adamant that they will not accept help from Jack to Stephanie concedes to accepting help from Jack.
Essence: Ava convinces Stephanie to accept help from Jack.
Conflict: Stephanie fights with her mom about accepting help from Jack.
Subtext: Stephanie is too proud to accept help, especially from someone she hates.
Hope/fear: Stephanie will accept help from Jack so she and her mother won’t be homeless.
INT. – JACK’S CASTLE – DAY
Jack discusses helping Stephanie with his father the king. His father doesn’t want him to do it. Jack says he’s going to help her anyway.
Scene Arc: Jack and his father, Brandon are cordial with one another to them being angry at one another.
Essence: Jack tells his father he offered to help Stephanie.
Conflict: Jack’s father doesn’t want Jack to help Stephanie.
Subtext: Jack and his father have a broken relationship.
Hope/fear: That Jack and his father will come to an agreement.
INT. – JACK’S CASTLE – SITTING ROOM – DAY
Jack tells Rob that he’s going to try to get Stephanie to fall in love with him. He considers it a challenge and it will finally get her to stop hating him and he will have won.
Scene Arc: Jack and Rob are casually talking to Jack has cooked up a devious plan to get Stephanie to fall for him to get Stephanie to fall in love with him.
Essence: Jack decides to try to get Stephanie to fall in love with him.
Conflict: Rob warns Jack against playing with Stephanie’s feelings.
Subtext: Jack is arrogant and self-absorbed.
Hope/fear: Rob will be able to talk Jack out of planning to manipulate Stephanie’s feelings.
EXT. – CASTLE – DAY
The press surrounds Stephanie and Ava the day they leave the castle.
Scene Arc:
Essence: Stephanie and Ava leave the castle in disgrace as the country looks on.
Conflict: Stephanie and Ava have to avoid the rude questioning by the press.
Subtext: Stephanie and Ava are humiliated.
INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE IN STEPHANIE’S COUNTRY – DAY
Stephanie and Ava get settled in. Jack and Stephanie spar.
Scene Arc: Stephanie thanks Jack through gritted teeth for his hospitality. Then they get into a fight.
Essence: Stephanie and Ava settle into Jack’s summer home.
Conflict: Stephanie and Jack fight.
Subtext: Romantic tension.
Act 2:
INT- JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – DAY
Jack and Rob give Stephanie lessons on how to become a commoner.
Scene Arc: Awkwardness between Jack and Rob and Stephanie to the three laughing.
Essence: Stephanie gets her first lesson on how to become a commoner.
Conflict: Stephanie fights Rob and Jack at first.
Subtext: Stephanie has no intention of accepting that she’s not a commoner.
Hope/fear:
INT. – STORE – DAY
Stephanie lets Jack take her shopping like commoners do. Completely out of her element, Stephanie starts ordering everyone in the store around. She and Jack have to leave in shame.
Scene Arc: Stephanie and Jack walk quietly into the store and by the time they leave, it’s chaos.
Essence: Stephanie makes a scene at the store.
Conflict: Stephanie orders people around and makes everyone mad.
Subtext: Stephanie is selfish and self-centered and has no intention of accepting that she’s not royal.
Hope/fear: That Stephanie won’t mess this up.
EXT. – PARK – NIGHT
Stephanie meets with a private detective and asks him to investigate the historian that outed her family.
Scene Arc: Stephanie makes a mysterious phone call. Stephanie plans to get some dirt on the historian.
Essence: Stephanie contacts a detective to get him to investigate the historian.
Conflict: Stephanie’s scheme against the historian.
Subtext: Stephanie has no intention of accepting that she’s not royal.
Hope/fear: The detective will agree to help Stephanie.
EXT. – PARK – DAY
Jack takes Stephanie to a park to interact with commoners. Although Stephanie doesn’t interact with the commoners well, she and Jack start to enjoy each other’s company.
Scene Arc: Stephanie and Jack go from being unnoticed to attracting the paparazzi and having to leave the park.
Essence: Jack takes Stephanie to the park to interact with commoners, but it doesn’t go well.
Conflict: Between Stephanie and the press
Subtext: Stephanie thinks she’s too good to interact with commoners.
Hope/fear: That Jack and Stephanie will get closer. That this little outing will be successful for Stephanie. Fear that Stephanie will mess it up like at the store.
INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE- NIGHT
Jack, Stephanie, Ava, Chloe, Rob and Jack’s father, Brandon all have dinner together. Sparks fly between Chloe and Rob. Jack and his father argue.
Scene Arc: Everyone is having a nice dinner to Jack and his father fighting and everything turning awkward.
Essence: Everyone at the summer house spending time together.
Conflict: Jack and his father fight.
Subtext: The dysfunction in Jack and Brandon’s relationship. Sparks between Rob and Chloe
Hope/fear: That the dinner will end as pleasantly as it started.
INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Stephanie informs her mother that she’s talking to a detective.
Scene Arc: Stephanie and her mother having a pleasant conversation to having a disagreement by the end.
Essence: Stephanie informs her mother that she’s hired a detective to investigate the historian.
Conflict: Ava doesn’t want Stephanie to work with the detective.
Subtext: Stephanie has no intention of accepting that she and her mother are not royal.
Hope/fear: That Ava will go along with Stephanie’s plan
EXT. – PARK – NIGHT
Stephanie meets with the detective who informs her the historian is squeaky clean, albeit mean. Stephanie becomes enraged. Clara the reporter pops out from behind a tree and confesses that she has the whole conversation on camera.
Scene Arc: Stephanie goes from being hopeful to being angry.
Essence: Stephanie finds out from the detective that he couldn’t find any dirt on the historian.
Conflict: Stephanie gets angry with the detective.
Subtext: Stephanie has no intention of accepting that she’s not royal, even now.
Hope/fear:
EXT. – PARK – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
Clara jumps out from behind a tree with her cameraman and says she caught the whole conversation on camera.
Essence: Stephanie is confronted by Clara and finds out that she is going to be exposed.
Conflict: Stephanie threatens Clara if she airs the tape.
Subtext: Stephanie is about to get an even worse reputation
INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – NIGHT
Everyone watches in horror as the events in the park are displayed on the news for all the world to see.
Scene Arc: Everyone is happy to everyone is horrified.
Essence: Everyone at the summer house realizes what happened at the park and that Stephanie has been even more humiliated.
Conflict: Brandon becomes angry with Jack.
Subtext: Brandon is about to give Jack an ultimatum.
Hope/fear: Things are even worse for Stephanie now than they were before.
INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – NIGHT
Brandon demands that Jack stop helping Stephanie because it’s bad PR for the family. They argue and Jack leaves angry.
Scene Arc: Brandon is angry with Jack to Jack becoming angry and walking out.
Essence: Brandon demands that Jack distance himself from Stephanie in public.
Conflict: Jack and his father fight about Jack helping Stephanie.
Subtext: Jack has no plans to stop helping Stephanie.
Hope/fear: That Jack and his father will come to an agreement.
INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – DAY
Jack informs Stephanie that he can no longer help her in public, though she and her mother can still stay at his family’s house until they figure out where they are going to go. He accidentally lets it slip that he’s
fallen for her.
Scene Arc: Jack is informing Stephanie that he can longer help her publicly but will help her privately. By the end of the scene, he has accidentally let it slip that he’s fallen for her.
Essence: Jack informs Stephanie that he has to distance himself from her publicly.
Conflict: Jack is going to defy his father and help Stephanie in secret.
Subtext:
Hope/fear:
INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – DAY
Jack confesses to Rob that he’s fallen for Stephanie for real and that he’s going to pursue her. He teases Rob about his budding relationship with Chloe.
Essence: Jack confesses to Rob that he has feelings for Stephanie and that he’s going to pursue her.
EXT. – STREETS – NIGHT
Stephanie sneaks out of the castle one night in a disguise and walks through town. She sees homeless people on the street. She talks to a father who is getting off work from his second job to support his family. She walks by an orphanage and sees all of the children through a window. She talks to a homeless woman and realizes that she is one everyone has been looking for, the rightful princess, but she keeps it to herself.
Scene Arc: Stephanie is unaware of the suffering in her kingdom to being very much aware of it.
Essence: Stephanie sees the real people in her kingdom for the first time
Conflict: What will Stephanie do with her newfound knowledge of the rightful princess?
Subtext: Stephanie has been very self-centered up until this point.
Hope/fear: That meeting the rightful princess will really mess things up for Stephanie
INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY
Stephanie calls a lawyer to find out what her options are for keeping her royal title. He tells her he’ll look into it. He tells her he doesn’t think there’s anything he can do.
Scene Arc: Stephanie goes from hopeful to deflated.
Essence: Stephanie is grasping at one last straw to remain royal.
Conflict: Stephanie argues with the lawyer
Subtext: Stephanie knows who/where the rightful princess is, but she’s still trying to hold on to her title.
Hope/fear: That the lawyer will be able to help her.
INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – DAY
Ava advises Stephanie to do something to improve her public image.
Scene Arc: A nice moment between mother and daughter to an argument to the two being in agreement
Essence: Ava tries to convince Stephanie to do something to improve her public image
Conflict: Stephanie doesn’t want to go along with her mother’s idea at first
Subtext: Stephanie is still hoping to remain the princess.
Hope/fear: That Stephanie will agree to do something good for her kingdom.
Act 3:
INT. – PRESS ROOM – DAY
Stephanie announces an initiative to help the orphanage she came across while she was out wondering the streets.
Essence: Stephanie announces that she’s starting an initiative to help the orphanage.
INT. – ORPHANAGE – DAY
Stephanie visits all of the children. She makes a plea to the public to help the kids.
Essence: Stephanie makes a public appearance at the orphanage and asks the public to help the kids.
Subtext: Although Stephanie is speaking on behalf of the kids, she is enjoying the favorable attention from the press.
INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE
Jack surprises Stephanie with a fancy dinner and a private concert. He also surprises her with clothing and toy donations for the orphanage.
Scene Arc: Stephanie doesn’t know what’s going on to finding out she is on a fancy date with Jack.
Essence: Jack and Stephanie have a date.
INT. – ORPHANAGE – DAY
Stephanie, Chloe, Rob and Ava work at the orphanage to sort clothing and toy donations that have come in.
INT. JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – NIGHT
The news reports on Stephanie’s good work with the orphanage and paints her in a favorable light once again.
EXT. – ORPHANAGE – DAY
Stephanie is drawn to the cameras and seems to have forgotten about the children. The reporter keeps asking her about the children, but she keeps wanting to talk about the fact that she’s still the princess. The reporter her asks her what about the children. She says who? And the crowd turns on her.
Scene Arc: Stephanie starts out being adored by the press and public and by the end of the scene everyone has turned on her.
Essence: Stephanie gets caught up in the attention that helping the orphanage is bringing to her and forgets about the kids.
Conflict: Stephanie is in conflict with the public.
Subtext: Stephanie is still the same.
Hope/fear: Fear that Stephanie is once in the bad graces of her country
INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – NIGHT
Everyone watches in horror once again as the press accuses Stephanie of helping the orphanage for selfish reasons. Stephanie is mortified.
INT. – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack snubs Stephanie at dinner.
Essence: A dinner, Jack snubs Stephanie.
Conflict: Jack snubs Stephanie causing her to be angry with him.
Subtext: Jack is having second thoughts about Stephanie.
INT. – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Stephanie sobs on the phone to Chloe.
Scene Arc: Stephanie is very distraught and then feeling a little better after talking to Chloe.
Essence: Stephanie confides in Chloe about her feelings for Jack.
EXT. – GARDEN – NIGHT
Stephanie confides to her mother that she finally sees how selfish she’s been and how it’s hurt the ones she loves. She vows to change.
Scene Arc: Stephanie starts out not understanding why things are happening the way they are to realizing that she has been the cause of all her problems.
Essence: Stephanie realizes how selfish she’s been and how she’s hurt the ones she loves.
Conflict: Stephanie fights with herself as the talks to her mom.
Subtext: Stephanie’s transformation from a self-centered person into a caring person.
Hope/fear:
Act 4 Climax:
EXT. – STREETS – DAY
Stephanie goes to the place where she found the homeless woman, the rightful princess and gives her the news that she’s a princess.
Scene Arc: Stephanie is searching the streets for the homeless woman who is the rightful princess. She finds her and gives her the news that she’s the princess.
Essence: Stephanie seeks out the rightful princess and tells her she’s the princess.
Conflict: Stephanie has trouble finding the homeless woman she found the other night.
Subtext: Stephanie has changed.
Hope/fear: Both hope and fear that Stephanie will find the woman
INT. – CASTLE – DAY
Stephanie announces to the staff that she has the rightful princess. Willis comes to help her.
Scene Arc: Stephanie brings in the homeless woman to a surprised Willis. Stephanie has to convince Willis she’s the princess. Then he agrees to help her.
Essence: Stephanie introduces the rightful princess to the palace staff
Conflict: The staff doesn’t accept the homeless woman as the princess at first.
Hope/fear: The staff will help the homeless woman.
Montage:
Stephanie making over the homeless woman into a princess.
INT. – CASTLE – NIGHT
Stephanie holds a press event where she gives a passionate speech and presents the homeless woman as the country’s real princess and indirectly tells Jack that she loves him.
Scene Arc: It’s just a normal press conference until Stephanie presents the rightful princess and causes a frenzy.
Essence: Stephanie introduces the rightful princess to the country
Conflict: The press is hostile towards Stephanie at first.
Subtext: Stephanie indirectly but very publicly tells Jack that she loves him.
Hope/fear: Stephanie’s message to Jack will soften his heart towards her.
INT. -JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – NIGHT
Jack watches Stephanie’s speech on TV.
Scene Arc: Jack is stoic and judgmental as he watches Stephanie. Then he touched.
Essence: Jack learns that Stephanie loves him.
Conflict: Jack doesn’t want to watch Stephanie’s speech at first and almost leaves.
Subtext: Stephanie is telling Jack that she loves him.
Hope/fear: Jack’s heart will be softened by Stephanie’s speech.
INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – NIGHT
Jack stands up to his father and announces that he’s going after Stephanie. The two reconcile. His father recognizes that he’s ready to be king and says he will announce that he’s stepping down.
Scene Arc: Jack and his father don’t see eye to eye, but after Jack stands up to him, his father has a newfound respect for him and the two reconcile.
Essence: Jack stands up to his father and the two reconcile.
Conflict: Jack stands up to his father.
Subtext: Jack can stand on his own now.
Hope/fear: Jack will win his father over.
INT. – CASTLE – NIGHT
The new princess gives Stephanie a thank-you allowance and makes her an ambassador for the country.
Essence: The new princess thanks Stephanie by making her an ambassador for the country.
Subtext: All is right in the kingdom again.
INT. – JACK’S SUMMER HOUSE – LATER
Stephanie shows up and announces that she’ll be leaving Jack’s house and finding her own place. He tells her that he was wrong about her and that he’s madly in love with her. She confesses that she’s in love with him too. He proposes to her in front of his father, Rob, Chloe and Ava. She accepts. Everyone laughs and cries and congratulates the happy couple. Stephanie is going to be royalty after all.
Scene Arc: Stephanie starts out with plans to leave Jack’s house but ends up getting engaged to Jack.
Essence: Jack and Stephanie get engaged.
Conflict: Stephanie is going to leave Jack’s house.
Hope/fear: Jack and Stephanie will get together.
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Amy’s Intriguing Moments
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter
What I learned from doing this assignment is I have a fair amount of drama in my first two acts, but then it fizzles out.
Act 1
Hidden identity: Stephanie throws a fit when the staff discover a glitch in her schedule. She is not the picture of dignified royalty that you would expect.
Covert agenda/Hidden identity: Prince Jack disguises himself behind a mask and pretends not to know who she is while also trying to woo her.
Mystery: A historian informs the palace that he’s looking into whether the royal family is really royal.
Conspiracy/Cover up: The historian informs the family that they are not royal but agrees not to tell the press right away.
Covert agenda: Stephanie visits her father’s grave and vows to him that she will never give up her position as the princess.
Scheme: The historian goes to the press anyway.
Mystery: The historian identifies the rightful princess, but no one knows anything about her or where she is.
Scheme: Jack offers to help Stephanie learn how to exist as a commoner.
Covert agenda: Jack confides in his friend that he’s going to try to make Stephanie fall in love with him just a challenge.
Act: 2
Scheme: Jack and Stephanie set out to transform Stephanie into a commoner.
Covert agenda/Secret: Stephanie is in contact with a private investigator who is investigating the historian.
Superior position: Unbeknownst to Jack and everyone else, Stephanie is looking for a way to not have to give up being the princess
Secret: After Stephanie gets bad press from her foray into the world of commoners, Stephanie hides out at Jack’s castle.
Secret/Superior position: Stephanie sneaks out of the castle one night and comes upon an orphanage, a single father working two jobs and the woman who is the rightful princess.
Cover up: Stephanie doesn’t tell anyone she’s located the rightful princess.
Secret: Jack continues to help Stephanie in secret despite his father demanding that he not have anything to do with her because she is pad PR for his royal family.
Act 3
Secret: Jack tells his friend he is going to win Stephanie over for real.
Covert agenda/Secret: Stephanie continues to work with the private investigator. He is now investigating the woman Stephanie identified as the rightful princess.
Superior position: Stephanie has forgotten about wanting to help the orphanage and has gotten caught up in all the attention that it is bringing to her. It’s become obvious to everyone but her.
Hidden identity: It turns out that Stephanie was more interested in the favorable publicity from helping the orphanage than actually helping the orphanage.
Act 4
Secret: Stephanie seeks out the homeless woman without anyone else’s knowledge and gets her a makeover, a new wardrobe and educates her on how to be a royal.
Superior position: Stephanie plans to present the homeless woman to her country in a televised speech.
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Amy’s Emotional Moments
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is I will need to make sure I do a good job of setting up the emotional moments in my story.
Title: Unroyally in Love
Act 1
Bonding-Stephanie’s mom calms her down and gives her a pep talk when she explodes due to a glitch in her schedule.
Surprise-Stephanie learns that she’s not really a princess.
Courage/Love/Wound-Stephanie visits her father’s grave to talk to him about what’s happened and vows to do just what he would do, never give up.
Act 2
Bonding-Jack makes Stephanie laugh despite her best efforts to resist his charms.
Love-Jack accidentally lets it slip out that he has feelings for Stephanie.
Hidden weakness-Stephanie’s foray into the world of commoners fails and causes the press to peg her as a selfish and self-centered person.
Wound-Jack goes up against his father who he could never be good enough for.
Moral issue-Stephanie witnesses real suffering in her kingdom.
Surprise-Stephanie happens upon the real princess, a homeless woman.
Act 3
Bonding-Jack and Stephanie become closer when he surprises her with a fancy dinner and a private symphony concert.
Hidden weakness/Moral issue-Stephanie realizes she was helping the orphanage for selfish reasons.
Moral issue-Jack rejects Stephanie when he realizes she was helping the orphanage just for the favorable publicity.
Act 4
Sacrifice-Stephanie seeks out the homeless woman who is the real princess and helps her.
Courage/Success/Winning/Love-Stephanie presents the homeless woman to the country as the real princess in a passionate speech in which she also indirectly professes her love for Jack.
Success/Winning-The new princess makes Stephanie an ambassador for the country.
Success/Winning-Jack’s father steps down and makes him king.
Bonding-Jack repairs his relationship with his father.
Love-Jack proposed to Stephanie. She accepts.
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Amy’s Reveals!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is I found the setups and reveals that were already in my outline.
Title: Unroyally in Love
Act 1: Stephanie learns of a glitch in her schedule and declares that she’s not going to attend the masquerade ball, once of the biggest royal events of the year, until her mother the queen sets her straight.
SETUP 1: Stephanie dances with a handsome stranger at the masquerade ball.
Stephanie PJ 1: Stephanie attends the royal masquerade ball and runs into Jack disguised by a mask. When he acts like he doesn’t know who she is, she is insulted and demands to know who he is and how he got into the ball, until he reveals himself. Then she gets angry and the two spar verbally.
Jack AJ 1: Jack attends the royal masquerade ball in disguise and pretends like he doesn’t know who Stephanie is. He tried to woo her at the same time. He reveals himself and then argues with her.
REVEAL 1: The stranger is Prince Jack from the country next door who Stephanie hates.
SETUP 3: Stephanie makes it known that she wants nothing to do with Jack.
SETUP 2: A historian visits the castle and informs Stephanie and her mother that he’s looking into the royal line.
Historian visits the castle to talk to Stephanie, Ava and Willis. He lets them know he’s doing some research into the royal line. Ava throws him out. Then Stephanie throws herself on the nearest couch and sobs.
REVEAL 2: Stephanie’s family is not royal.
Inciting Incident: Historian informs the family that they are not royals. Says he will keep his mouth shut for now, but tells them they must decide how they are going to proceed.
Stephanie PJ 2: Stephanie visits her father’s grave wearing a tiara to talk to him about what’s just happened and vows that she will do what he would have done in this situation.
Historian visits Jack and informs him that Stephanie’s family is not really royal.
Jack PJ 2: He finds out about Stephanie’s predicament and approaches her about helping her, even though he knows she hates him.
Historian leaks the news to the press.
Turning Point 1: The news gets out that Stephanie’s family is not really royal. The country is in chaos. Stephanie must accept help from Prince Jack who she hates from the country next door.
The politicians in the country demand that Stephanie’s family vacate the castle.
Historian identifies the rightful princess, but no one has any idea where she is. The press and all the politicians vow to find her.
REVEAL 3: Stephanie is going to have to rely on Jack for help now that she is not a royal.
Stephanie: PJ 3: Stephanie gets booted out of the castle and accepts Jack’s offer to live in his castle until she can get back on her feet.
Jack AJ 3: Gets Stephanie to agree to let him help her. His father, the king of their country, doesn’t want him to get involved. He decides to try to make Stephanie fall in love with him just to see if he can.
Act 2: Stephanie tries to learn how to be a commoner by doing common things like going shopping.
SETUP 1: Stephanie goes along with Jack’s attempts to help he become a commoner.
SETUP 2: Jack seems to dislike Stephanie as much as she dislikes him.
SETUP 3: Stephanie is clearly selfish and self-centered in her attempts to become a commoner.
Stephanie PJ 4: Stephanie lets Jack take her shopping like commoners do. Completely out of her element, Stephanie starts ordering everyone in the store around. She and Jack have to leave in shame.
Deeper layer: Stephanie has no intention of accepting the fact that she’s not a royal.
Jack AJ 4: Jack, who is really comfortable with commoners, sets out to help Stephanie become a commoner while letting her stay at his castle.
Stephanie PJ 5: Stephanie goes with Jack to a local park to interact with commoners. It turns into a media circus and they have to run. She starts to fall prey to Jack’s charms. Stephanie doesn’t want to shake hands with anyone or get too close to them. She treats them like they are below her.
Jack AJ 5: Jack takes Stephanie to a local park to interact with commoners. He is making her laugh and have a good time despite her best efforts to resist his charms.
REVEAL 1: Stephanie never had any intentions of accepting that she wasn’t a royal.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: After Stephanie is properly exposed to the public, news reporters peg her as a horrible person
Stephanie PJ 6: Stephanie hides out at Jack’s castle.
REVEAL 2: Jack has actually fallen for Stephanie.
Jack AJ 6: Jack realizes he actually has feelings for Stephanie and accidently lets it slip out. Jack’s father forbids him from helping Stephanie anymore (although he allows her to continue staying at the castle. He helps Stephanie in secret because being seen with her in public is now a PR nightmare for his own country.
REVEAL 3: Stephanie actually cares about the people in her country, i.e., the kids in the orphanage, the single father working two jobs.
Stephanie PJ 6a: Stephanie sneaks out of the castle one night in a disguise and walks through town. She sees homeless people on the street. She talks to a father who is getting off work from his second job to support his family. She walks by an orphanage and sees all of the children through a window. She talks to a homeless woman and realizes that she is one everyone has been looking for, the rightful princess, but she keeps it to herself.
Deeper layer: Jack’s is deliberately going against his father (who he has a dysfunctional relationship with) to help Stephanie.
Act 3: Stephanie’s eyes are opened to all the suffering in her kingdom and she decides to use her fame to help people. She sets out to help an orphanage.
SETUP 1: Stephanie sets out to help the orphanage.
SETUP 3: Stephanie seems to have changed for the better
Stephanie PJ 7: Stephanie contacts the orphanage and invites the press along to bring awareness to the plight of the children and to volunteer her services.
SETUP 2: Jack pursues Stephanie with a fancy dinner and a private symphony concert.
Jack AJ 7: Jack sets out to win Stephanie over for real. He has a beautiful dress sent to her room and has a fancy dinner set up for them. He hires an entire symphony to entertain them.
REVEAL 3: Stephanie is still who she always was.
Turning Point 3: Stephanie gets caught up in all the attention. It becomes painfully obvious to everyone that she was not doing “good” for the right reasons. She’s rejected by everyone, including Jack.
REVEAL 1: Stephanie realizes her true motive was to bring attention to herself, not the orphanage.
Stephanie PJ 8: Stephanie starts spending more and more time talking to the press and her adoring fans than helping the orphanage. Everyone realizes this and turns on her.
REVEAL 2: Jack rejects Stephanie when he realizes she was helping the orphanage for the wrong reason.
Jack AJ 8: Jack rejects Stephanie after he realizes she was only helping the orphanage to make a good name for herself.
Deeper layer: After the public and Jack’s rejection, Stephanie comes face to face with her true self and must decide if she is going to go on being who she always was or change.
Act 4 Climax: Stephanie swallows her pride and helps the homeless woman who is the real princess.
SETUP 1: Stephanie seeks out the homeless woman who is really the princess.
Stephanie PJ 9: Stephanie seeks out the homeless woman, has her people give her a makeover and a whole new wardrobe and educated her on how to be a royal.
REVEAL 1: Stephanie presents the homeless woman to the country in a passionate speech.
SETUP 3: Jack sees Stephanie’s speech on TV in which she speaks to him indirectly.
Stephanie PJ 10: Stephanie gives an impassioned speech to her country as her final act as princess and gives over her title to the homeless woman
SETUP 2: Jack stands up to his father.
Jack AJ 9: Jack stands up to his father and decides to go after Stephanie.
Deeper layer: Jack has learned how to stand on his own two feet.
Deeper layer: Stephanie is now a selfless and caring person.
Resolution: Stephanie gets Jack back. She gets a cushy job.
Stephanie PJ 11: The rightful princess appoints Stephanie an ambassador for her country.
REVEAL 2: Jack mends fences with his father and becomes king.
REVEAL 3: Jack goes after Stephanie and proposes to her. She accepts.
Jack AJ 10: Jack is reunited with Stephanie and makes amends with his father. His father steps down so Jack can be king.
Stephanie PJ 12: Stephanie accepts Jack’s proposal.
Jack AJ 11: Jack proposes to Stephanie.
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Amy’s Character Action Tracks!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is some of my character’s unique actions were already in my outline, but other plot points could use some work.
Title: Unroyally in Love
Act 1: Stephanie learns of a glitch in her schedule and declares that she’s not going to attend the masquerade ball, once of the biggest royal events of the year, until her mother the queen sets her straight.
Stephanie PJ 1: Stephanie attends the royal masquerade ball and runs into Jack disguised by a mask. When he acts like he doesn’t know who she is, she is insulted and demands to know who he is and how he got into the ball, until he reveals himself. Then she gets angry and the two spar verbally.
Jack AJ 1: Jack attends the royal masquerade ball in disguise and pretends like he doesn’t know who Stephanie is. He tried to woo her at the same time. He reveals himself and then argues with her.
Historian visits the castle to talk to Stephanie, Ava and Willis. He lets them know he’s doing some research into the royal line. Ava throws him out. Then Stephanie throws herself on the nearest couch and sobs.
Inciting Incident: Historian informs the family that they are not royals. Says he will keep his mouth shut for now, but tells them they must decide how they are going to proceed.
Stephanie PJ 2: Stephanie visits her father’s grave wearing a tiara to talk to him about what’s just happened and vows that she will do what he would have done in this situation.
Historian visits Jack and informs him that Stephanie’s family is not really royal.
Jack PJ 2: He finds out about Stephanie’s predicament and approaches her about helping her, even though he knows she hates him.
Historian leaks the news to the press.
Turning Point 1: The news gets out that Stephanie’s family is not really royal. The country is in chaos. Stephanie must accept help from Prince Jack who she hates from the country next door.
The politicians in the country demand that Stephanie’s family vacate the castle.
Historian identifies the rightful princess, but no one has any idea where she is. The press and all the politicians vow to find her.
Stephanie: PJ 3: Stephanie gets booted out of the castle and accepts Jack’s offer to live in his castle until she can get back on her feet.
Jack AJ 3: Gets Stephanie to agree to let him help her. His father, the king of their country, doesn’t want him to get involved. He decides to try to make Stephanie fall in love with him just to see if he can.
Act 2: Stephanie tries to learn how to be a commoner by doing common things like going shopping.
Stephanie PJ 4: Stephanie lets Jack take her shopping like commoners do. Completely out of her element, Stephanie starts ordering everyone in the store around. She and Jack have to leave in shame.
Deeper layer: Stephanie has no intention of accepting the fact that she’s not a royal.
Jack AJ 4: Jack, who is really comfortable with commoners, sets out to help Stephanie become a commoner while letting her stay at his castle.
Stephanie PJ 5: Stephanie goes with Jack to a local park to interact with commoners. It turns into a media circus and they have to run. She starts to fall prey to Jack’s charms. Stephanie doesn’t want to shake hands with anyone or get too close to them. She treats them like they are below her.
Jack AJ 5: Jack takes Stephanie to a local park to interact with commoners. He is making her laugh and have a good time despite her best efforts to resist his charms.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: After Stephanie is properly exposed to the public, news reporters peg her as a horrible person
Stephanie PJ 6: Stephanie hides out at Jack’s castle.
Jack AJ 6: Jack realizes he actually has feelings for Stephanie and accidently lets it slip out. Jack’s father forbids him from helping Stephanie anymore (although he allows her to continue staying at the castle. He helps Stephanie in secret because being seen with her in public is now a PR nightmare for his own country.
Stephanie PJ 6a: Stephanie sneaks out of the castle one night in a disguise and walks through town. She sees homeless people on the street. She talks to a father who is getting off work from his second job to support his family. She walks by an orphanage and sees all of the children through a window. She talks to a homeless woman and realizes that she is one everyone has been looking for, the rightful princess, but she keeps it to herself.
Deeper layer: Jack’s is deliberately going against his father (who he has a dysfunctional relationship with) to help Stephanie.
Act 3: Stephanie’s eyes are opened to all the suffering in her kingdom and she decides to use her fame to help people. She sets out to help an orphanage.
Stephanie PJ 7: Stephanie contacts the orphanage and invites the press along to bring awareness to the plight of the children and to volunteer her services.
Jack AJ 7: Jack sets out to win Stephanie over for real. He has a beautiful dress sent to her room and has a fancy dinner set up for them. He hires an entire symphony to entertain them.
Turning Point 3: Stephanie gets caught up in all the attention. It becomes painfully obvious to everyone that she was not doing “good” for the right reasons. She’s rejected by everyone, including Jack.
Stephanie PJ 8: Stephanie starts spending more and more time talking to the press and her adoring fans than helping the orphanage. Everyone realizes this and turns on her.
Jack AJ 8: Jack rejects Stephanie after he realizes she was only helping the orphanage to make a good name for herself.
Deeper layer: After the public and Jack’s rejection, Stephanie comes face to face with her true self and must decide if she is going to go on being who she always was or change.
Act 4 Climax: Stephanie swallows her pride and helps the homeless woman who is the real princess.
Stephanie PJ 9: Stephanie seeks out the homeless woman, has her people give her a makeover and a whole new wardrobe and educate her on how to be a royal.
Stephanie PJ 10: Stephanie gives an impassioned speech to her country as her final act as princess and gives over her title to the homeless woman
Jack AJ 9: Jack stands up to his father and decides to go after Stephanie.
Deeper layer: Jack has learned how to stand on his own two feet.
Deeper layer: Stephanie is now a selfless and caring person.
Resolution: Stephanie gets Jack back. She gets a cushy job.
Stephanie PJ 11: The rightful princess appoints Stephanie an ambassador for her country.
Jack AJ 10: Jack is reunited with Stephanie and makes amends with his father. His father steps down so Jack can be king.
Stephanie PJ 12: Stephanie accepts Jack’s proposal.
Jack AJ 11: Jack proposes to Stephanie.
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Amy’s New Outline Beats!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is I had a lot of holes in my story and I haven’t even put in some of my supporting characters yet. It makes me wonder if those characters are even necessary.
Title: Unroyally in Love
Act 1: Stephanie has a royal fit over a glitch in her schedule
Stephanie PJ 1: Stephanie attends the royal masquerade ball and runs into Jack disguised by a mask. She gets angry when he reveals himself and the two spar verbally.
Jack AJ 1: Jack attends the royal masquerade ball and tries to woo Princess Stephanie while in disguise. He reveals himself and then argues with her.
Historian visits the castle to talk to Stephanie, Ava and Willis. He lets them know he’s doing some research into the royal line. They promptly throw him out.
Inciting Incident: Historian informs the family that they are not royals. Says he will keep his mouth shut for now, but tells them they must decide how they are going to proceed.
Stephanie PJ 2: Stephanie visits her father’s grave to talk to him about what’s just happened and vows that she will do what he would have done in this situation.
Historian visits Jack and informs him that Stephanie’s family is not really royal.
Jack PJ 2: He finds out about Stephanie’s predicament and approaches her about helping her, even though he knows she hates him.
Historian leaks the news to the press.
Turning Point 1: The news gets out that Stephanie’s family is not really royal. The country is in chaos. Stephanie must accept help from Prince Jack who she hates from the country next door.
The politicians in the country demand that Stephanie’s family vacate the castle.
Historian identifies the rightful princess, but no one has any idea where she is. The press and all the politicians vow to find her.
Stephanie: PJ 3: Stephanie gets booted out of the castle and accepts Jack’s offer to live in his castle until she can get back on her feet.
Jack AJ 3: Gets Stephanie to agree to let him help her. His father, the king of their country, doesn’t want him to get involved. He decides to try to make Stephanie fall in love with him just to see if he can.
Act 2: Stephanie tries to learn how to be a commoner by doing common things like going shopping.
Stephanie PJ 4: Stephanie lets Jack take her shopping like commoners do. Completely out of her element, Stephanie starts ordering everyone in the store around. She and Jack have to leave in shame.
Deeper layer: Stephanie has no intention of accepting the fact that she’s not a royal.
Jack AJ 4: Jack, who is really comfortable with commoners, sets out to help Stephanie become a commoner while letting her stay at his castle.
Stephanie PJ 5: Stephanie goes with Jack to a local park to interact with commoners. It turns into a media circus and they have to run. She starts to fall prey to Jack’s charms. Stephanie doesn’t want to shake hands with anyone or get too close to them. She treats them like they are below her.
Jack AJ 5: Jack takes Stephanie to a local park to interact with commoners. He is making her laugh and have a good time despite her best efforts to resist his charms.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: After Stephanie is properly exposed to the public, news reporters peg her as a horrible person
Stephanie PJ 6: Stephanie hides out at Jack’s castle.
Jack AJ 6: Jack realizes he actually has feelings for Stephanie and accidently lets it slip out. Jack’s father forbids him from helping Stephanie anymore (although he allows her to continue staying at the castle. He helps Stephanie in secret because being seen with her in public is not a PR nightmare for his own country.
Stephanie PJ 6a: Stephanie sneaks out of the castle one night in a disguise and walks through town. She sees homeless people on the street. She talks to a father who is getting off work from his second job to support his family. She walks by an orphanage and sees all of the children through a window. She talks to a homeless woman and realizes that she is one everyone has been looking for, the rightful princess, but she keeps it to herself.
Deeper layer: Jack’s is deliberately going against his father (who he has a dysfunctional relationship with) to help Stephanie.
Act 3: Stephanie’s eyes are opened to all the suffering in her kingdom and she decides to use her fame to help people. She sets out to help an orphanage.
Stephanie PJ 7: Stephanie contacts the orphanage and invites the press along to bring awareness to the plight of the children and to volunteer her services.
Jack AJ 7: Jack sets out to win Stephanie over for real.
Turning Point 3: Stephanie gets caught up in all the attention. It becomes painfully obvious to everyone that she was not doing “good” for the right reasons. She’s rejected by everyone, including Jack.
Stephanie PJ 8: Stephanie starts spending more and more time talking to the press and her adoring fans than helping the orphanage. Everyone realizes this and turns on her.
Jack AJ 8: Jack rejects Stephanie after he realizes she was only helping the orphanage to make a good name for herself.
Deeper layer: After the public and Jack’s rejection, Stephanie comes face to face with her true self and must decide if she is going to go on being who she always was or change.
Act 4 Climax: Stephanie swallows her pride and helps the homeless woman who is the real princess.
Stephanie PJ 9: Stephanie seeks out the homeless woman, has her people give her a makeover and a whole new wardrobe and educated her on how to be a royal.
Stephanie PJ 10: Stephanie gives an impassioned speech to her country as her final act as princess and gives over her title to the homeless woman
Jack AJ 9: Jack stands up to his father and decides to go after Stephanie.
Deeper layer: Jack has learned how to stand on his own two feet.
Deeper layer: Stephanie is now a selfless and caring person.
Resolution: Stephanie gets Jack back. She gets a cushy job.
Stephanie PJ 11: The rightful princess appoints Stephanie an ambassador for her country.
Jack AJ 10: Jack is reunited with Stephanie and makes amends with his father. His father steps down so Jack can be king.
Stephanie PJ 12: Stephanie accepts Jack’s proposal.
Jack AJ 11: Jack proposes to Stephanie.
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Amy’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is doing this helps me map out not only the characters’ external journeys but also their internal journeys.
Title: Unroyally in Love
Act 1: Stephanie has a royal fit over a glitch in her schedule
Stephanie PJ 1: Stephanie attends the royal masquerade ball and runs into Jack disguised by a mask. She gets angry when he reveals himself and the two spar verbally.
Jack AJ 1: Jack attends the royal masquerade ball and tries to woo Princess Stephanie while in disguise. He reveals himself and then argues with her.
Inciting Incident: Historian informs the family that they are not royals
Stephanie PJ 2: Stephanie visits her father’s grave to talk to him about what’s just happened and vows that she will do what he would have done in this situation.
Jack PJ 2: He finds out about Stephanie’s predicament and approaches her about helping her, even though he knows she hates him.
Turning Point 1: The news gets out that Stephanie’s family is not really royal. The country is in chaos. Stephanie must accept help from Prince Jack who she hates from the country next door.
Stephanie: PJ 3: Stephanie gets booted out of the castle and accepts Jack’s offer to live in castle until she can get back on her feet.
Jack AJ 3: Gets Stephanie to agree to let him help her. His father, the king of their country, doesn’t want him to get involved. He decides to try to make Stephanie fall in love with him just to see if he can.
Act 2: Stephanie tries to learn how to be a commoner by doing common things like going shopping.
Stephanie PJ 4: Stephanie lets Jack take her shopping like commoners do. Completely out of her element, Stephanie starts ordering everyone in the store around. She and Jack have to leave in shame.
Deeper layer: Stephanie has no intention of accepting the fact that she’s not a royal.
Jack AJ 4: Jack, who is really comfortable with commoners, sets out to help Stephanie become a commoner while letting her stay at his castle.
Stephanie PJ 5: Stephanie goes with Jack to a local park to interact with commoners. It turns into a media circus and they have to run. She starts to fall prey to Jack’s charms.
Jack AJ 5: Jack takes Stephanie to a local park to interact with commoners. He is making her laugh and have a good time despite her best efforts to resist his charms.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: After Stephanie is properly exposed to the public, news reporters peg her as a horrible person
Stephanie PJ 6: Stephanie hides out at Jack’s castle.
Jack AJ 6: Jack realizes he actually has feelings for Stephanie and accidently lets it slip out. Jack’s father forbids him from helping Stephanie anymore (although he allows her to continue staying at the castle. He helps Stephanie in secret because being seen with her in public is not a PR nightmare for his own country.
Deeper layer: Jack’s is deliberately going against his father (who he has a dysfunctional relationship with) to help Stephanie.
Act 3: Stephanie’s eyes are opened to all the suffering in her kingdom and she decides to use her fame to help people. She sets out to help an orphanage.
Stephanie PJ 7: Stephanie contacts a local orphanage and invites the press along to bring awareness to the plight of the children and to volunteer her services.
Jack AJ 7: Jack sets out to win Stephanie over for real.
Turning Point 3: Stephanie gets caught up in all the attention. It becomes painfully obvious to everyone that she was not doing “good” for the right reasons. She’s rejected by everyone, including Jack.
Stephanie PJ 8: Stephanie starts spending more and more time talking to the press and her adoring fans than helping the orphanage. Everyone realizes this and turns on her.
Jack AJ 8: Jack rejects Stephanie after he realizes she was only helping the orphanage to make a good name for herself.
Deeper layer: After the public and Jack’s rejection, Stephanie comes face to face with her true self and must decide if she is going to go on being who she always was or change.
Act 4 Climax: Stephanie swallows her pride and helps the homeless woman who is the real princess.
Stephanie PJ 9: Stephanie seeks out the homeless woman, has her people give her a makeover and a whole new wardrobe and educated her on how to be a royal.
Stephanie PJ 10: Stephanie gives an impassioned speech to her country as her final act as princess and gives over her title to the homeless woman
Jack AJ 9: Jack stands up to his father and decides to go after Stephanie.
Deeper layer: Jack has learned how to stand on his own two feet.
Deeper layer: Stephanie is now a selfless and caring person.
Resolution: Stephanie gets Jack back. She gets a cushy job.
Stephanie PJ 11: The rightful princess appoints Stephanie an ambassador for her country.
Jack AJ 10: Jack is reunited with Stephanie and makes amends with his father. His father steps down so Jack can be king.
Stephanie PJ 12: Stephanie accepts Jack’s proposal.
Jack AJ 11: Jack proposes to Stephanie.
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Amy’s Deeper Layer!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is the deeper layers make the story more interesting.
Stephanie
Surface Layer: Stephanie is trying to adjust to life as a commoner.
Deeper Layer: Stephanie has no intention of accepting that she’s not a princess
Major Reveal: The detective she hired reveals in front of everyone that it is true that Stephanie’s family is not part of the royal line. Stephanie falls apart and reveals that she never intended to accept that she wasn’t a princess
Influences Surface Story: Stephanie lost her father as a teenager. He father always instilled upon her to never let anyone take from her what’s rightfully hers.
Hints: Stephanie gives up too easily when she fails at being a commoner. She often needs to make a phone call or be somewhere else and won’t tell anyone why.
Changes Reality: Stephanie hasn’t really been trying to adjust to life as a commoner.
Beginning: Stephanie’s family hosts a royal masquerade ball.
Inciting Incident: Historian informs the family that they are not royals
Turning Point 1: The news gets out that Stephanie’s family is not really royal. The country is in chaos. Stephanie must accept help from Prince Jack who she hates from the country next door.
Act 2: Stephanie tries to learn how to be a commoner by doing common things like going shopping.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: After Stephanie is properly exposed to the public, news reporters peg her as a horrible person
Act 3: Stephanie’s eyes are opened to all the suffering in her kingdom and she decides to use her fame to help people. She sets out to help an orphanage.
Turning Point 3: Stephanie gets caught up in all the attention. It becomes painfully obvious to everyone that she was not doing “good” for the right reasons. She’s rejected by everyone, including Jack.
Act 4 Climax: Stephanie swallows her pride and helps the homeless woman who is the real princess.
Resolution: Stephanie gets Jack back. She gets a cushy job.
Jack
Surface Layer: Jack is helping Stephanie adjust to being a commoner.
Deeper Layer: Jack wants to make Stephanie fall in love with him to prove that he can and he’s also helping her because he knows she hates him and he wants something to hold over her head.
Major Reveal: Jack accidently lets it slip that he’s in love with Stephanie
Influences Surface Story: Jack’s is deliberately going against his father (who he has a dysfunctional relationship with) to help Stephanie.
Hints: Jack seems to sincerely want to help Stephanie even though he is putting on a show of being annoyed by her.
Changes Reality: Jack earnestly wants to help Stephanie overcome her predicament and wants what’s best for her
Beginning: Jack attends the royal masquerade ball and hides behind a mask and woos Stephanie.
Inciting Incident: He finds out about Stephanie’s predicament and approaches her about helping her, even though he knows she hates him.
Turning Point 1: Stephanie agrees to let him help her. His father, the king of their country, doesn’t want him to get involved. He decides to try to make Stephanie fall in love with him just to see if he can.
Act 2: Jack who is really comfortable with commoners sets out to help Stephanie become a commoner while letting him stay at his castle.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Jack realizes he actually has feelings for Stephanie and accidently lets it slip out. Jack’s father forbids him from helping Stephanie anymore. He helps Stephanie in secret.
Act 3: Jack sets out to win Stephanie over for real.
Turning Point 3: Jack rejects Stephanie after he realizes she was only helping the orphanage to make a good name for herself.
Act 4 Climax: Jack stands up to his father and decides to go after Stephanie.
Resolution: Jack is reunited with Stephanie.
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Amy’s Character Structure
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
Stephanie
Beginning:
Inciting Incident: Historian informs the family that they are not royals
Turning Point 1: The news gets out that Stephanie’s family is not really royal. The country is in chaos. Stephanie must accept help from Prince Jack who she hates from the country next door.
Act 2: Stephanie tries to learn how to be a commoner by doing common things like going shopping.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: After Stephanie is properly exposed to the public, news reporters peg her as a horrible person
Act 3: Stephanie’s eyes are opened to all the suffering in her kingdom and she decides to use her fame to help people. She sets out to help an orphanage.
Turning Point 3: Stephanie gets caught up in all the attention. It becomes painfully obvious to everyone that she was not doing “good” for the right reasons. She’s rejected by everyone, including Jack.
Act 4 Climax: Stephanie swallows her pride and helps the homeless woman who is the real princess.
Resolution: Stephanie gets Jack back. She gets a cushy job.
Jack
Beginning:
Inciting Incident: He finds out about Stephanie’s predicament and approaches her about helping her, even though he knows she hates him.
Turning Point 1: Stephanie agrees to let him help her. His father, the king of their country, doesn’t want him to get involved. He decides to try to make Stephanie fall in love with him just to see if he can.
Act 2: Jack who is really comfortable with commoners sets out to help Stephanie become a commoner while letting him stay at his castle.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Jack realizes he actually has feelings for Stephanie and accidently lets it slip out. Jack’s father forbids him from helping Stephanie anymore. He helps Stephanie in secret.
Act 3: Jack sets out to win Stephanie over for real.
Turning Point 3: Jack rejects Stephanie after he realizes she was only helping the orphanage to make a good name for herself.
Act 4 Climax: Jack stands up to his father and decides to go after Stephanie.
Resolution: Jack is reunited with Stephanie.
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Amy’s Supporting Characters
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is looking at your supporting characters in this way makes sure that they have a purpose and are meaningful.
Supporting Characters:
Name: Chloe
Role: Stephanie’s best friend
Main purpose: A sounding board for Stephanie. An accomplice in Stephanie’s quest to remain princess
Value: Helps Stephanie realize her feelings for Jack
Name: Ava
Role: Stephanie’s mother
Main purpose: A mentor and example to Stephanie
Value: Helps Stephane come to terms with her situation. Stephanie’s voice of reason
Name: Brandon
Role: Jack’s father
Main purpose: a mirror to Jack’s struggles and a catalyst for his change
Value: Drives Jack’s desire to help Stephanie to spite his father
Name: Nicole
Role: homeless woman who is actually the princess
Main purpose: an obstacle to Stephanie who wants to keep being a princess
Value: When Stephanie finally accepts that she’s not the princess and helps Nicole, it’s an indication that Stephanie has changed and become selfless.
Name: Willis
Role: the queen’s advisor, oversees the palace staff
Main purpose: to advise the not-so-royal family on how to handle their predicament
Value: Serves as sort of a shape shifter. At first, he’s on Ava and Stephanie’s side, then he’s not
Name: Clara Bane
Role: News reporter
Main purpose: to report on what’s going on with the not-so-royal family
Value: puts a spotlight on the scandal of the royals not really being royals and is a catalyst for the ensuing chaos and public frenzy
Name: Rob
Role: Jack’s best friend
Main purpose: advises Jack in his dealings with Stephanie and his father
Value: Jack’s voice of reason
Background Characters: palace staff, townspeople, kids at the orphanage, people at the homeless shelter
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Amy’s Character Profiles Part 2
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is at first, I was overthinking things, then I remembered Hal’s advice to just fill in the blanks, so I used the lists that he gave and that’s what I did. In almost every instance, I was able to find something on the lists that fit with my characters.
Stephanie
A. The High Concept: a princess who turns out not to be a princess
B. This Character’s Journey: Shallow and proud to reflective and caring
C. The Actor Attractors for this Character: Despite her selfish desires, down deep, she is a very caring and empathetic person.
7. Character Subtext: Hiding the fact that she’s trying to figure out a way to stay a royal
8. Character Intrigue: hidden agenda-trying to hang on to the throne
9. Flaw: makes poor decisions that just make her situation worse
10. Values: protecting her family from public shame
11. Character Dilemma: wants external admiration versus loving herself
Jack
A. The High Concept: a princess who turns out not to be a princess
B. This Character’s Journey: from immature and arrogant to mature and humble
C. The Actor Attractors for this Character: He’s a royal, but he has the ability to fit right in with commoners.
7. Character Subtext: Luring-seducing-trying to get Stephanie to fall in love with him
8. Character Intrigue: competition-it’s a challenge for him to see if he can get Stephanie to fall in love with him
9. Flaw: over-confidence in his position as royalty
10. Values: winning
11. Character Dilemma: the need to come across as having it all together versus the need for validation
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Amy’s Character Profiles Part 1
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is after all the other work we have done it wasn’t as hard to narrow down my characters’ core traits as I thought it would be.
Stephanie
A. The High Concept: a princess who turns out not to be a princess
B. This character’s journey: Shallow and proud to reflective and caring
C. The Actor Attractors for this character: Despite her selfish desires, down deep, she is a very caring and empathetic person.
Role in the Story: Protagonist, the princess who finds out she’s not really a princess and has to accept help from Jack, who she hates
Age range and Description: 30s, petite
Core Traits: dramatic, proud, caring, conniving
Motivation; Want/Need: Want’s to be a princess, needs to learn how to be selfless
Wound: Lost her father as a teenager
Likability: She genuinely cares about her family.
Relatability: Once it’s discovered that she’s not a royal, she has no money.
Empathy: Loses her status as a princess, lost her father as a teenager
Jack
A. The High Concept: a princess who turns out not to be a princess
B. This character’s journey: from immature and arrogant to mature and humble
C. The Actor Attractors for this character: He’s a royal, but he has the ability to fit right in with commoners.
Role in the Story: Love interest/antagonist, the prince who helps Stephanie when she gets banished from the palace
Age range and Description: 30s, handsome
Core Traits: arrogant, devilish, reliable, empathetic
Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to be a hero, needs to be loved
Wound: A bad relationship with his father
Likability: Offers to help Stephanie
Relatability: His conflict with Stephanie (complicated love/hate relationship)
Empathy: In love with someone who hates him
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Amy’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that the audience needs to care about the characters from the beginning. I have one character that’s more likable after she goes through her transformation, but I need to make sure that she’s likable from the start or no one will care what happens to her.
Stephanie
Likability: She genuinely cares about her family.
Relatability: Once it’s discovered that she’s not a royal, she has not money.
Empathy: Loses her status as a princess, lost her father as a teenager
Jack
Likability: Offers to help Stephanie
Relatability: His conflict with Stephanie (complicated love/hate relationship)
Empathy: In love with someone who hates him
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Amy’s Character Intrigue
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that my characters had intrigue that I didn’t yet know about.
Character Name: Stephanie
Role: Protagonist
Hidden agendas: She has no intention of accepting the fact that she’s not a royal.
Secrets: She’s having the historian investigated.
Deception: She’s going along with Jack’s plan to make her into a commoner.
Unspoken Wound: Losing her father as a teenager has caused all of her romantic relationships to be dysfunctional.
Character Name: Jack
Role: Love interest
Hidden agendas: To make Stephanie fall in love with him
Secrets: He knows the historian who’s saying Stephanie’s family is not part of the royal line is a fraud.
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Amy’s Subtext Characters
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is giving characters subtext makes them more interesting.
Movie Title: Home Again
Character Name: Alice Kinney
Subtext Identity: Alice is a single mom of two kids who allows three young filmmakers to live in her guest house.
Subtext Trait: party girls
Subtext Logline: Alice is a single mom who falls in love with Harry, one of the three young filmmakers living in her guest house.
Possible Areas of Subtext: She goes out with her two girlfriends and brings the three young guys they met back to her house. She sleeps with Harry, who is much younger.
Character Name: Stephanie
Subtext Identity: Stephanie is a princess who turns out not to be a princess.
Subtext Trait: suspicious, in denial
Subtext Logline: Stephanie is a princess who turns out not to be a princess and has to accept help from Prince Jack, who she hates.
Possible Areas of Subtext: She questions Jack about why he’s helping her. She refuses to accept that this isn’t going to all be cleared up and everyone will realize that she really is the princess. She won’t admit that this whole thing is making her miss her father more.
Character Name: Jack
Subtext Identity: Jack is a prince who can relate to commoners.
Subtext Traits: manipulative, tricky
Subtext Logline: Jack is a prince who is trying to help the former princess learn how to be a commoner.
Possible areas for subtext: Helping Stephanie while simultaneously ribbing Stephanie for the situation she’s in. Getting Stephanie to talk about her father when she doesn’t want to. Getting the commoners to accept Stephanie as one of them.
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Amy’s Actor attractors!
ASSIGNMENT
Today is about applying the Actor Attractors to your lead characters.
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is to focus on just filling in the blanks, not trying to come up with the perfect answers right away.
Lead Character Name: Stephanie
Role: Protagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
She goes from childish and selfish to responsible and giving.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
Her whole world is turned upside down and she struggles to deal with it, but comes out stronger and better in the end.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Fight for her right to the throne. Help the homeless woman who’s really the princess.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Having a childish meltdown in front of her niece.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range
Having a childish meltdown to laughing hysterically
6. What subtext can the actor play?
She’s self-centered yet ultimately benevolent.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
With her love interest Jack who she has a love/hate relationship with
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Through her desire to keep her role as princess contrasted with her benevolent spirit.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Despite her selfish desires, down deep, she is a very caring and empathetic person.
Lead Character Name: Jack
Role: Love interest
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
He’s an affable and charming prince with a sense of humor who enjoys getting Stephanie all riled up.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
He has charisma and charm and a sense of humor. He does funny and sometimes outrageous things when with Stephanie.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
He conceals his identity at the masquerade ball. He takes Stephanie (a princess) grocery shopping. He tries to help Stephanie learn how to live as a commoner.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Asking Stephanie to dance at the masquerade ball and coming on to her, then revealing himself and sparing with her.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range
Laughing hysterically to crying
6. What subtext can the actor play?
He’s arrogant yet caring.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
His relationship with Stephanie because they have a love/hate relationship and he enjoys getting under her skin.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Through the witty and charming things he says
9. What could make this character special and unique?
He’s a royal, but he has the ability to fit right in with commoners.
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Amy’s Actor attractors for Home Again
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is the nitty-gritty of what it takes to make a character attractive to an actor.
Movie Title: Home Again
Lead Character Name: Alice Kinney
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
I think most actresses want to play a character like this one who is strong and independent, yet vulnerable. This character goes through something hard (separation from her husband and moving cross-country with her two girls) and learns how to stand on her own and comes out stronger.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
She is the character in the movie with the most layers. She’s strong and independent, yet easily hurt. She ‘s a responsible mother and a party girl. Part of what makes her interesting is the decisions she makes and how she deals with her life.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
She moves cross-country with her two girls and starts a new life. She reluctantly lets 3 young guys move into her guest house and then gets involved with one of them. She tells off her former boss when she sees her in a restaurant. When her life gets out of control, she quickly sorts it all out.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
She is in the bathroom having a meltdown when her two girls knock on the door to wish her happy birthday.
5. What is this character’s emotional range?
From having a meltdown in her bathroom to happy and totally living it up while out with her friends
6. What subtext can the actor play?
She’s a responsible mother who like to party and gets involved with a much younger man.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
She has two interesting relationships. The first is with Harry her love interested who is considerably younger than she is. She also has an interesting relationship with her estranged husband. She still loves him, but she realizes they’re not right for each other anymore. They share a bond because of their two girls.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
I love one line where she says, “I have a problem with the lead singer of your band.” She’s actually talking about the director in the moviemaking trio of guys that are living in her guest house and who she’s gotten involved with and who has broken her heart. She is confiding in one of the other guys in this conversation.
9. What makes this character special and unique?
She is the daughter of a famous director living in the L.A. house that he left to her. She agrees to let three young guys live in her guest house. What makes her special is that she loves the people in her life deeply and that always comes through in the end, despite her flaws and sometimes making bad decisions.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
On her date with a strange guy, she drinks too much and when she notices her former boss sitting at another table, she walks over to tell her off and totally embarrasses herself. The next shot is of her laying face down on a bench outside of the restaurant. Her date shakes his head in exasperation and gets into his car. She calls George, on the young filmmakers living in her guest house. He comes to pick her up. The have a heart-to-heart where he asks her what’s going on. She confides in him that Harry broke her heart and then falls asleep on his shoulder.
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Amy’s Genre Conventions
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to build in the convention of the rom-com genre into my script.
Title: Unroyally in Love
Concept: When a princess learns that she’s not really a princess, she’s forced to accept help from a neighboring country’s prince who she hates to learn how to be a commoner. The two find themselves unexpectedly drawn to each other.
Genre: Rom-Com
Conventions of Rom-Com genre:
-Cute-meet/see a romantic future for the couple
-denial of love
-overwhelming attraction
-each person has internal personal issue that must be resolved for them to be together
-physical separation
-comedy
Act 1:
Opening: At the royal masquerade ball, a masked stranger asks Stephanie to dance. There is an immediate attraction between the two. After the dance, the stranger reveals himself as Prince Jack from the country next door who Stephanie has known forever and hates. She gets mad and demands to know who invited him.
Inciting Incident: Historian informs the family that they are not royals
Turning Point: The news gets out that Stephanie is not really the princess. The country is in chaos. Stephanie must accept help from Prince Jack who she hates from the country next door.
Act 2:
New plan: Learn how to be a commoner
Plan in action: Doing common things like shopping. She fails spectacularly at being a commoner. Stephanie and Jack act as if they can’t stand one another, but a strong attraction is bubbling underneath.
Midpoint Turning Point: After Stephanie is properly exposed to the public, news reporters peg her as a horrible person. It’s now bad PR for Jack to be seen with her. Before they part, they almost admit their feelings for one another.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Stephanie’s eyes are open to all the suffering in her kingdom. She seeks Jack out for help.
New plan: Uses her fame to help people
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Stephanie gets caught up in all the attention. It becomes painfully obvious to everyone that she was not doing “good” for the right reasons. She’s rejected by everyone, including Jack.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Stephanie swallows her pride and helps the homeless woman who is the real princess. In an impassioned goodbye speech to the country, Stephanie sends Jack a subtle message confessing her feelings.
Resolution: Stephanie gets Jack back. She gets a cushy job.
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Amy’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned doing this assignment is my logline is too vague and I had trouble getting a story out of it. I also learned how to build in the protagonist’s transformational journey.
Concept: When a princess learns that she’s not really a princess, she’s forced to accept help from a neighboring country’s prince who she hates and the two find themselves unexpectedly drawn to each other.
Main Conflict:
Old Ways:
Only thinks of herself
Depends on her name and her clout as a royal to get her way
New Ways:
Concerned about others
Humble
Depends on her own strength
Act 1:
Opening: The coronation of Princess Stephanie
Inciting Incident: Historian informs the family that they are not royals
Turning Point: The news gets out that Stephanie is not really the queen. The country is in chaos. Stephanie must accept help from Prince Jack who she hates from the country next door.
Act 2:
New plan: Learn how to be a commoner
Plan in action: Doing common things like shopping. She fails spectacularly at being a commoner.
Midpoint Turning Point: After Stephanie is properly exposed to the public, news reporters peg her as a horrible person
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Stephanie’s eyes are open to all the suffering in her kingdom
New plan: Uses her fame to help people
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Stephanie gets caught up in all the attention. It becomes painfully obvious to everyone that she was not doing “good” for the right reasons. She’s rejected by everyone, including Jack.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Stephanie swallows her pride and helps the homeless woman who is the real princess.
Resolution: Stephanie gets Jack back. She gets a cushy job.
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Amy’s Subtext Plot
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter
What I learned from doing this assignment is how to add subtext to the movie as a whole.
Concept: When a princess learns that she’s not really a princess, she’s forced to accept help from a neighboring country’s prince who she hates, and the two find themselves unexpectedly drawn to each other.
Subtext Plot: The Fish Out of Water
The fish out of water subtext plot works for my concept because Princess Stephanie will have just discovered she’s not really a princess and will have to adjust to life as a famous commoner. I imagine she was will have to learn how to do things for herself that she is used to having other people do for her. She will also have to learn a new way of relating to people since she has lost the prominence that comes from being a member of the royal family.
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Amy’s Transformational Journey
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned doing this assignment is…this really helped me focus on my protagonist’s character arc, which is something that is usually weak in my screenplays.
Stephanie
Arc Beginning: Proud princess
Arc Ending: Commoner using her fame for good
Internal Journey: Shallow and proud to reflective and caring
External Journey: From princess to commoner
Old Ways:
Only thinks of herself
Depends on her name and her clout as a royal to get her way
New Ways:
Concerned about others
Humble
Depends on her own strength
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Amy’s Intentional Lead Characters
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…I struggled to pin down what is unique about these characters.
Character: Stephanie
Logline: A proud princess finds out she’s not really a princess and loathes having to accept help from the prince she hates.
Unique: Proud princess who’s not really a princess
Character: Jack
Logline: A charming, but somewhat arrogant prince finds joy in being needed by the princess turned not a princess
Unique: Enjoys being needed by someone who hates him
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Amy’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is when I read the empowerment statement I really did feel like I could create an outline that turns into an amazing story.
Title: Unroyally in Love
Concept: When a princess learns that she’s not really a princess, she’s forced to accept help from a neighboring country’s prince who she hates and the two find themselves unexpectedly drawn to each other.
Character Structure: Rom-Com
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I learned that “a person’s life doesn’t change by staying the same.” It’s so simple yet profound. I also had it confirmed to me that it is necessary to get outside of my comfort zone to move forward in my screenwriting. I learned too about empowering myself to accomplish what I want to accomplish. In the Pro Series, I started to learn not to worry about getting the assignments just right the first time, and now with Writing Incredible Movies, I will still be working on how to let go of perfection while I’m in the learning process.
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Hi! My name is Amy Falkofske. I’ve written four feature-length screenplays. I have taken the rewriting class and the Pro Series. What I hope to get out of this class is the process of going from one draft to the next just as if I were doing a writing assignment. Something about me is I have two Beagles and a Cockapoo. The Cockapoo we got from my mom when she moved into a retirement home. We are about to become foster parents to yet another Beagle, probably one who is pregnant, so we will officially be a zoo!
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Amy Falkofske
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Amy’s Career Plan
What I learned from this lesson is I think I have a pretty solid plan, but it won’t make any difference until I elevate the quality of my scripts. My focus right now needs to be on the writing.
1. Please tell us the answers to these questions about your next six months of activity:
A. What is your overall screenwriting goal for the next six months? – Complete my Pro Series script and elevate the quality to a consider or above. Elevate the quality of two other scripts I have already written to consider or above.
B. What are you going to do to elevate quality? – I am going to going to work on the protagonist’s character arc in my screenplay that placed as a semifinalist in a contest. I’m going to elevate the concept and character development in another screenplay that I have written. In my Pro Series script I’m going to develop the story and characters better to make it into a full screenplay. Right now, it’s too short. I need to also develop the relationships between the characters better. For instance, there is supposed to be a love story between my protagonist and her husband who she has become separated from due to being missing for a year. Right now, that’s not there.
C. How are you going to build a library of marketable scripts? – See B.
D. What do you think might be your specialty (brand)? – Family-friendly
E. How are you going build a stronger network? – I’m going to get involved with the ScreenwritingU Alumni. Use Twitter and LinkedIn to network with producers. Focus on producers who have made movies for networks like the Hallmark Channel, GAC Family, Up and Lifetime.
F. How are you going to improve your understanding of doing this business? – Participate in ScreenwritingU Hollywood Producer Meetings. I learn a lot from following screenwriters and agents/managers on Twitter.
G. How are you going to market yourself and your writing? – Once I am ready, I’m going to query producers who have produced the type of movies that I write.
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Amy knows T.O.T.E.
What I learned from this lesson is I’ve been sending out scripts before they were ready. Now I know how to make sure they are ready before I send them out.
Look into the future and tell us how you are going to use the TOTE Process with…
a. Your script-I’m going to first give my script to someone I got to know in one of my ScreenwritingU classes to read. Then I will make changes based on their feedback. Then I will send it out for coverage. If I get a recommend, I will start querying producers. If I get less than a recommend, I will make more changes to the script. I will excite the process once I get a recommend and start querying producers.
b. Your query letters-I will run my query letters by a friend. I will make changes based on their feedback and then send it to someone new and make changes based on that person’s feedback. Then I will send it out to one more person. If that person says it’s good to go, I will start sending it to producers.
c. Building your network-I’m not really sure how TOTE works with networking. I will try different ways of networking like Twitter, ScreenwritingU alum and continue to use whatever method gets me the best results.
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Amy’s Query Letter (draft 2)
What I learned doing this assignment is I’m starting to see the difference between a hook and me just telling the story. I feel like some of this is me just telling the story, but the rest doesn’t make sense without it.
Hello Producer,
What would you do if you accidently ended up a year into the future and your whole life was taken from you?
Andrea Richards is an ambitious local reporter who continuously neglects her husband Josh, son Benjamin and daughter Chloe. She dreams of working for the network. On the day the town university’s new supercollider goes into operation, Andrea is there to cover the story. She accidently gets sucked into the machine and goes traveling through time to different points in her past. When she finally pops back out of the machine, she finds herself completely alone in the science lab. Andrea soon realizes that she has landed one year into the future. She’s been missing for a whole year and Josh has become engaged to Meagan, the teaching assistant who was present on the day she got sucked into the supercollider.
Andrea attempts to rebuild her life and be a real wife to Josh and mom to Benjamin and Chloe, but she mostly fails due to being torn between them and trying to get her career back. In the meantime, she does some digging and learns that Meagan was researching time travel with the supercollider. Andrea confronts Meagan, then tries to push her in the supercollider. She fails. This angers Josh, and he asks for a divorce.
On the night of Chloe’s dance recital, a fire breaks out at the science lab. Andrea is torn between covering the fire or attending Chloe’s dance recital. She starts out covering the fire and learns that the professor saw Meagan slip out of the building just before the fire. She leads the police to the dance recital where they take Meagan in for questioning. Andrea chooses to stay and watch Chloe’s dance recital, which gets her fired. This change in Andrea automatically causes her to be transported back to the science lab in 2022. She goes straight home and vows to spend more time with her family. Now she covers things like her daughter’s play which gets the attention of the network and gets her a job offer as their cultural reporter. Her dream of working for the network came true after all and she is reunited with her family.
I have a Master’s degree in Script & Screenwriting from Regent University in Virginia Beach. Additionally, I placed as a semifinalist in the ScreenCraft Family-Friendly Screenplay Contest and as a Second Rounder at AFF. Finally, I spend four years working in broadcast news.
If this concept appeals to you, I’d be happy to send you the script. You can reach me at contact@writeamy.com or 703-943-7372.
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Amy’s Query Letter (draft 1)
What I learned doing this assignment is it’s okay to include information about your story in your query letters. I’ve always just sent out loglines.
Hello Producer,
What would you do if you accidently ended up a year into the future and your whole life was taken from you?
Andrea Richards continuously upsets her husband Josh, son Benjamin and daughter Chloe by working late as a local reporter. Her dream is to get a job as a reporter for the network. One of the stories she covers is the dedication of the new science lab and the newly built supercollider where she meets Dr. Smitty and his new teaching assistant, Meagan. On the day the supercollider goes into operation, Andrea is there to cover the story. She accidently gets sucked into the machine partly due to Megan’s dastardly suggestion that she stand closer to the machine. Andrea spends some time visiting different times in her past and eventually pops back out of the machine to find herself completely alone in the science lab.
The first thing Andrea tries to do is go back to work, but she can’t get in. Andrea then goes home and finds out that it’s 2023. She’s been missing for a year and Josh is now engaged to Meagan. Andrea attempts to rebuild her life and be a real wife to Josh and mom to Benjamin and Chloe, mostly failing. In the meantime, she does some digging and learns that Meagan was researching time travel with the supercollider.
On the night of Chloe’s dance recital, a fire breaks out at the science lab. Andrea is torn between covering the fire or attending Chloe’s dance recital. She starts out covering the fire and learns that the professor saw Meagan slip out of the building just before the fire. She leads the police to the dance recital where they take Meagan in for questioning. Andrea chooses to stay and watch Chloe’s dance recital, which gets her fired. She’s learned her lesson and suddenly, she’s back at the science lab and it’s 2022 again. She goes straight home and vows to spend more time with her family. Later, at Benjamin’s baseball game, Andrea gets a phone call. It’s a job offer from the network to be their new cultural reporter.
I have a Master’s degree in Script & Screenwriting from Regent University in Virginia Beach. Additionally, I placed as a semifinalist in the ScreenCraft Family-Friendly Screenplay Contest and as a Second Rounder at AFF. Finally, I spend four years working in broadcast news.
If this concept appeals to you, I’d be happy to send you the script. You can reach me at contact@writeamy.com or 703-943-7372.
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Amy has Lots of Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is…
This exercise helped me to see where all the problems are in my script. I don’t have many scenes where something unique is being revealed about my characters.
Make a list of ALL the hooks in your script.
1. At the university science lab, something has happened. Dr. Smitty is frantic. Meagan is just standing there smug. Mark, the camera man is flabbergasted. Andrea, the news anchor has just disappeared into the machine. Suddenly, Andrea comes back.
2. Two weeks earlier, Andrea sits at the anchor desk to interview the curator at an art museum where a painting has been stolen. The curator professes love for her.
3. Andrea upsets her family when she wants to stay a work late and cover breaking news.
4. Josh jokes with Benjamin and Chloe that Andrea isn’t coming home because she got discovered by Hollywood.
5. The mayor dedicates the new science lab. Dr. Smitty speaks. He finds out that Meagan is his teaching assistant. Andrea and Meagan meet.
6. A week later, the newly built supercollider is in operation at the science lab. Andrea covers it for the TV station and gets sucked into the machine partly due to Megan’s dastardly suggestion that she stand closer to the machine.
7. Andrea travels to different points in her past, the day she met Josh, a day while she was an intern at the station, her wedding day, the birth of Benjamin, the birth of Chloe and the day she became WBEN’s noon news anchor.
8. Andrea pops back out of the machine, except she has landed a year into the future.
9. Andrea tries to go back to work, but she can’t get in.
10. Andrea goes home and scares Josh and the kids and finds out that she’s been missing for a year and Josh is now engaged to Meagan.
11. Andrea goes back to the science lab and confronts Dr. Smitty.
12. Andre and Josh have an awkward meeting at a restaurant.
13. Andrea goes to the station to beg Tom for her job back.
14. Chloe writes Andrea a letter one night while she’s working late to tell her she loves her and to remind her about her swim meet. Andrea misses the swim meet and upsets Chloe.
15. Andrea gets a chance to sit at the anchor desk again to cover a bad storm in town.
16. Chloe gets bullied at school because of Andrea.
17. Chloe tries to talk to Andrea about her bully, but she isn’t very helpful.
18. At his baseball game, Benjamin asks to pitch and gets told no. Andrea tries to talk to the coach for him, but just ends up embarrassing him.
19. Andrea bakes cookies for Chloe’s swim team’s bake sale, but they are a flop.
20. Josh goes with Andrea to cover the town’s food festival. Meagan interrupts them.
21. Andrea misses Chloe’s school play because one of her tires was slashed. She and Josh argue.
22. The family goes to get ice cream after the play. Meagan shows up. Andrea learns that she’s gotten the anchor position again, meaning Meagan is back on as the kids’ nanny per Andrea and Josh’s agreements.
23. Andrea learns that Meagan was researching time travel with the supercollider.
24. Andrea confronts Dr. Smitty again.
25. Andrea shows up at Benjamin’s baseball game and confronts Meagan. Josh gets angry with Andrea.
26. Andrea lures Meagan to the science lab with the intention of pushing her in the machine. It doesn’t work. Joannie gets sucked into the machine instead.
27. Josh is so angry with Andrea for trying to push Meagan in the supercollider, he asks her for a divorce.
28. It’s the night of Chloe’s dance recital. Andrea gets asked to cover a fire at the science lab. She’s torn about what to do, especially when she gets a call from Josh saying she’s needed at the recital.
29. Meagan watches the lab burn from her car.
30. Dr. Smitty tells everyone that he saw Meagan slip out of the building earlier.
31. Andrea arrives at the dance recital with the police.
32. After the dance recital, Andrea gets fired because she chose her family over her career.
33. Back to the opening scene at the science lab, Andrea pops out of the supercollider. It’s 2022 again.
34. Andrea goes straight home and vows to spend more time with her family.
35. Andrea covers Chloe’s play and gets good feedback about it.
36. Andrea has a chance to go cover the President’s arrival in town, but gives it to Joannie instead.
37. At Benjamin’s baseball game, he is pitching. Andrea gets a phone call. It’s a job offer from the network to be their new cultural reporter.
Main Characters
Andrea: 2, 3, 13
Josh: 4
Meagan: 1, 6, 29
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Amy’s Logline and One-Sentence Phone Pitch
What I learned from this lesson is the way I market my screenplay could mean the difference between getting my foot in the door or not.
. Write a logline for your screenplay for each of the 3 formulas:
a. Protagonist __has problem___ and ___must achieve goal__ to solve that problem.
A local news anchor travels through time and ends up a year into the future where she has lost her family to her children’s nanny and must figure out how to get back to the present.
b. Protagonist has __a goal__ but ___major obstacle___ stands in his/her way.
A local news anchor who has traveled through time must figure out how to get back to the present, but her children’s nanny wants her to stay.
c. (Situation) causes (main character) to face (largest obstacle) and (outcome).
Arriving a year into the future, a local news anchor must battle her children’s nanny to get her husband and children back.
2. Write a one-sentence phone pitch for your screenplay. First tell us the biggest hook and then incorporate it into your one-sentence pitch.
Hook: I keep thinking that my movie reminds me of The Family Man, only it’s a woman and everything is in reverse. Instead of gaining a family, she loses her family in a sense.
Pitch: It’s The Family Man with a woman and instead of gaining a family, she loses her family.
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Amy’s Marketable Components
What I learned doing this assignment is that by concentrating on what could make my movie marketable, I know where to focus my efforts in my rewriting.
Pick two components and tell us how your script already fulfills them AND how you might highlight these two in order to elevate the pitch.
Logline: A local TV anchor who has been neglecting her family travels through time and arrives one year into the future. When she gets back, she must compete with the woman who took over her family while she was gone.
2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick one or two that have the most potential for selling this script.
*Wide audience appeal
*A great role for a bankable actor
3. Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate those two components for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through the two components.
Wide audience appeal-My movie appeals to both adults and children. It has a little bit of romance in it, but since it involves a supercollider and time travel, it could also appeal sci-fi fans.
A great role for a bankable actor: My protagonist is relatable in that she is torn between her career and her family. This would be a great role for an actress who wants to play a character who is imperfect and struggles with their imperfections to ultimately grow and change into a better version of herself. I see this as being a good role for a Hallmark actress who might want to play a character who’s not so perfect but a little more messy and layered. Of course, I have work to do, because she isn’t very layered at the moment.
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Amy is Expanding her Network
What I learned doing this assignment is producers and other industry contacts are highly accessible on Twitter.
A. Your plan: (more like this year instead of the next 60 days)
1. Finish my Pro Series script and get it in good shape.
2. Rewrite my two other scripts.
3. Interact with producers on Twitter.
4. Connect with producers on LinkedIn.
5. Pitch to producers once my scripts are ready.
B. Your Twitter address: @amythescribe
C. The producers you followed: I don’t know if these are producers specifically associated with ScreenwritingU.
1. Julia Verdin
2. Steven Kaplan
3. Imprint Entertainment
4. Seth Nagel
5. William Horberg
D. Your experience of approaching producers this way: I have never approached producers this way. I will reserve that for when I have something that gets a consider or above from coverage.
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Amy’s Network
What I learned doing this assignment is…
I know a lot of people in the industry, but most of them are not familiar with my writing. I could probably ask them for feedback though.
Who do you know inside the ProSeries and SU Alumni?
Renee C2
Elizabeth C2
Michelle
Who do you know in other writing groups?
None
Who do you know in Industry groups?
None
Who have you worked with on a movie?
I worked on a TV show several years back but unfortunately did not keep in touch with those people.
Who do you know who knows someone inside the industry?
Brad C3, C4
Sean
Cheryl
Dean
Sheryl
Clair
Leo
Cary
Scott C3
Who are you connected to on Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn that knows someone?
Scott
Fernando
Meg
Lorien
2. Now, categorize them:
Who fits into each category? (Use C to represent Category.)
C1. Cheerleaders/Friends.
C2. Feedback sources.
C3. Potential Fans.
C4. Potential Champions.
3. Answer, “What potential do you already see in your network?”
I don’t see much to be honest. One person who I would way is a fan of my writing is impossibly hard to get in touch with. The other isn’t really in the industry yet.
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Amy’s Marketing Campaign
What I learned doing this assignment is some strategies and tactics I can use to get my movie made and move my career forward after my script is ready.
Campaign statement: Get my movie made with a small indie producer, or get a writing assignment with the Hallmark Channel or a similar channel like GAC Family or Lifetime or UP.
Main strategies:
1. Write the story as a book, get it published, and then return to
Hollywood with a script.
2. Submit to every producer connected with Lacy Chabert.
Tactics:
1. Enter contests.
2. Attend ScreenwritingU events and meet producers.
3. Send query letters.
4. Pitch my movie on Virtual Pitchfest.
5. Send a query letter to the producer I’m connect to on LinkedIn who has produced movies similar to mine.
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Amy’s Target Market
What I learned doing this assignment is you have to compare your script to movies that have been recently made for this exercise to be worthwhile. Some of the producers I came across haven’t produced anything in over a decade.
Logline: A local TV anchor who has been neglecting her family travels through time and arrives one year into the future. When she gets back, she must compete with the woman who took over her family while she was gone.
Genre: Family
1. Make a list of five or more movies that are similar to yours and five actors that you might want to play your lead characters.
· Family Man
· It Could Happen to You
· The Weather Man
· About Time
· Last Night in Soho
2. Using the Targeting process above, go to http://www.imdb.com and find 20 to 100 producers for your specific project.
· Marc Abraham … producer
· Armyan Bernstein … executive producer
· Thomas A. Bliss … executive producer
· Andrew Z. Davis … executive producer
· James M. Freitag … associate producer
· Jeff Levine … co-producer
· Tony Ludwig … producer
· Alan Riche … producer
· Howard Rosenman … producer (as Zvi Howard Rosenman)
· David Alper … executive producer
· William S. Beasley … executive producer
· Todd Black … producer
· Jason Blumenthal … producer
· Steve Conrad … co-producer (as Steven Conrad)
· Norman Golightly … executive producer (as Norm Golightly)
· Steve Tisch … producer
· Gary Adelson … executive producer
· Craig Baumgarten … executive producer
· Joseph Hartwick … executive producer
· Mike Lobell … producer
· Nicky Kentish Barnes … producer
· Tim Bevan … producer
· Liza Chasin … executive producer
· Richard Curtis … executive producer
· Eric Fellner … producer
· Emma Freud … associate producer
· Amelia Granger … executive producer
· Tori Parry … line producer
· Daniel Battsek … executive producer
· Tim Bevan … producer (produced by)
· James Biddle … executive producer
· Eric Fellner … producer (produced by)
· Ollie Madden … executive producer
· Nira Park … producer (produced by)
· Rachael Prior … executive producer
· Laura Richardson … associate producer
· Leo Thompson … associate producer
· Edgar Wright … producer (produced by)
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Amy’s Project and Market
What I learned today is to focus on what makes your script marketable.
Logline: A local TV anchor who has been neglecting her family travels through time and arrives one year into the future. When she gets back, she must compete with the woman who took over her family while she was gone.
Genre: Family
2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most
attractive about your story- I think my story is attractive because it involves time travel and appeals to all age groups. Also, I think the protagonist’s struggle to determine whether her career or her family is more important is very relatable.
3. Tell us which you will target first — agent, manager, producer,
or actor and how your script fits what they need and want.-Producer- I think it’s marketable due to it appealing to all age groups and being family friendly. I also like to think it’s somewhat original.
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Amy’s Critique of Michelle’s Opening
INT. STUDY/LIBRARY- MODERN DAY – NIGHT
An UNKNOWN MALE FIGURE sits in an expensive leather chair next to a roaring fireplace. A well-aged book wide open on his lap, the classic fairytale words, “Once Upon a Time” visible. SIBLINGS, 16yrs old, one female, one male, sit with uncertainty on the couch opposite.
*Who are the siblings? Do we find out later?
MALE FIGURE(V.O.)
Let us begin. The year was…
EXT. CONCERT VENUE 1987 – NIGHT
DURAN DURAN on stage performing, “Hungry like the Wolf”. The crowd going crazy, a sea of 80’s fashion, and new-wave hair.
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
*I like this flashback to the 80s, and it’s kind of humorous.
1987?… That’s not right. Let me think… Hmm…Oh Yes!
Closeup “Twilight Zone” style clock face speeding forward.
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
2022… I began that year as unquestionably the world’s most bored vampire and unbeknownst to me I was soon to be homeless.
INT. STUDY/LIBRARY – MOMENTS LATER
The siblings exchange a glance, half curious, half disbelief.
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
Yes. A vampire. Completely bored with my own existence. Over 600 years of mundane, unexciting, eternal disappointment. The worst curse imaginable.
*Great line.
The flames of the fire transform into a pile of burning garbage, continuing into a montage of the destruction of the planet and its resources.
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
Add to that, endlessly watching mortals waste. They waste everything; the planet, their resources, themselves. They repeat mistake after mistake. They never learn.
*Another good line.
Montage shifts to: Money, banking, stock market, violence.
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
And greed… Stupid pieces of paper they make the center of their universe. They even murder for it…the emptiest of all reasons to kill in my opinion.
Black and white clips from old vampire movies, villagers with pitchforks, etc… Blends into montage of humans committing various atrocities over time.
*Good imagery.
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
Ironically, humans call vampires evil. Well, the ones that believe in us anyway. Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black? But, I digress(deep sigh)…back to boredom.
Clip of a “bored” stereotypical “Dracula” vampire.
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
“Bored to death”?… I wished! Did you know that vampires cannot kill themselves? It’s literally impossible… Trust me. I tried. And tried. And tried.
Montage of various stereotypical vampires trying to kill themselves: falling, drowning, poison, hit by train, etc…
*Funny
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
Even that got boring…
INT. OLD HISTORICAL BUILDING – NIGHT
A MALE FIGURE stands, face concealed, gazing out a window.
MALE FIGURE(V.O.)
At the time I was living in an abandoned building, it was an architectural gem and it was free. I preferred not to use currency when I could avoid it… One of my few principles.
Over the centuries I’d gone from pauper to millionaire and back several times, it was easy when you had the time on your hands that I did… It was like taking candy from a baby… which I’d also done a time or two.
This is the first time we see OSGOOD THE VAMPIRE, mid to late twenties, handsome, but not perfect. His face full of character and charm, with piercing eyes that hold centuries of stories. He is bent over a pram and a crying baby.
OSGOOD
(to camera) Did you expect a monster? Oh…and I can’t turn into a bat and I DON’T sparkle…
Flashback of Osgood at a desk piled with books. Close-ups on books: Medical, Law, Architecture, Engineering, etc…
OSGOOD (V.O.)
I also read a lot. I could’ve passed any number of exams, to be a lawyer, a doctor, an electrician. Again, time was on my side, but I hated it.
Flashback to a group of children playing in slow-motion. Time lapse footage baby to death-bed
OSGOOD (V.O.)
When humans are young time seems to go painfully slow. As they age, time continuously accelerates until their final moments are but a blur.
*I love this bit of wisdom.
A flashback of Osgood with a dying patient in a hospital bed.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Mortals have one thing in common, it’s that no one gets out alive. Whether by my hand or not, their time is finite and I envied that.
A coffin lowering into the ground.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
You know Vampires don’t sleep in coffins to avoid the sunlight, right? It’s really a symbol of what they can never have.
INT. ABANDONED HISTORICAL BLDG – NIGHT
Osgood turns away from the window he was standing in earlier. Dead serious with his infinitely wise eyes.
OSGOOD
(directly into camera)
The grass IS always greener.
He crosses the room to a mirror, smoothing his hair.
OSGOOD
(in mirror)Yes… I can see my reflection.(turning to camera) More rumors.
Osgood selects a jacket off the rack and puts on his shoes.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Think about it… Never seeing yourself change, is far worse than never seeing yourself at all.
*Profound
INT. STAIRWELL ABANDONED BUILDING – NIGHT
Osgood glides down the dimly lit stairs.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Of course, I spent my days out of the sun. Unfortunately…the daylight thing is an issue…
EXT. ABANDONED HISTORICAL BDLG – NIGHT
Exiting the building into the cool night air. Osgood loves the smell of honeysuckle, he doesn’t know why exactly.
A flyer posted on the nearby fence catches his eye. “NOTICE” in BIG, RED LETTERS. He reads it quickly and shoves it in his pocket before heading down the street alone.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Nights I often met up with other vampires. We’d frequent places typically open late.
EXT. LAUNDROMAT – NIGHT
Osgood is walking past a laundromat. Through the window a LONE PERSON is seen digging thru a dryer suspiciously.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
All night laundromats were surprisingly interesting places. You wouldn’t believe how many people steal underwear. There are a few less thanks to me.
Clip of lone person with panties and a terrified face. Blood spatters on dryer door glass. From inside the machine we see Osgood wipe the blood spatter with a rag.
OSGOOD
(thru the glass)Such an easy place to clean up too.
*Funny that he takes the time to clean up.
EXT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Osgood walks along a wall of graffiti belonging to a nightclub. The music THUMPS from within like a heartbeat.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Nightclubs were natural hangouts of course… Alcohol has no effect on us, no taste either. We CAN eat anything, but nothing has flavor or sustains, but blood.
A line of people wait to get into the club. A BOUNCER waves him to the front of the line letting him pass. Osgood slips him a hundred dollar bill. (Freeze-frame on bill).
OSGOOD (V.O.)
My hatred of standing in line trumps my money principle.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – CONTINUOUS
Osgood walks down a long ramp into the bar. MUSIC BLARING.
OSGOOD
(to camera) Human blood has the most flavor…animal blood varies.
Stopping at a viewpoint over a sea of mortals writhing on the dance floor like a pit of snakes.
OSGOOD
Some humans are animals.
He overlooks the crowd with a forlorn, faraway gaze.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
I started a game with myself long ago to pick the most despicable humans I could. Naively, I thought I could somehow do good.
Shrugging with disappointment.
OSGOOD
(to camera)I never made much progress.
INT. NIGHTCLUB BAR – CONTINUOUS
Osgood’s gaze transitions to his POV. A guy at the bar(MR. DRINK SPIKER, a little to old for the crowd, ex-athlete, white-privilege all but stamped on his forehead) sneaks something into a BEAUTIFUL, OBLIVIOUS WOMAN’S drink.
Across the bar a pair of fury-filled, green eyes belonging to NINA BREWSTER (23, Medusa like curls, Athena’s beauty, and all of Pandora’s curses locked up in her attitude) observes the “sly” attack.
Without losing visuals on her target, Nina slams a shot of Vodka flavored courage, and beelines for the assailant who has no idea the wrath heading his way. Nina darts around the bar, whisks the spiked drink away from its prey and confronts the predator. She taps him on the shoulder.
NINA
Excuse me.
He turns, towering over her petite frame. She steps in closer, hand raised, drink perched in her tiny palm, smiling.
MR.DRINK SPIKER
Well Hello.
He oozes. She sparkles.
NINA
You forgot your drink at the bar, and you look REALLY thirsty.
His creeping eyes now static. She raises the drink closer to his face. Taunting.
NINA
What? It looks delicious… Come on, drink up!
His face flushes like a douchebags red Corvette(that probably is sitting in the parking lot). Nervously, he looks around, his eyes momentarily connect with Osgood’s, who has a decent seat for the show. He turns to leave, Nina grabs his arm, he comes out swinging, Nina ducks.
The commotion catches the BARTENDERS attention, he and a BOUNCER are on the spot in seconds, but not before Nina throws the drink in Mr. Drink Spikers face. He lunges at her. The bouncer is bigger and quicker, the douchebag is in a headlock before he knows what’s happened.
BARTENDER
What’s going on here?
NINA
He put something in that woman’s drink.
Motioning to the still oblivious beauty at the bar.
NINA
I thought he might like a sip.
MR.DRINK SPIKER
That’s BULLSHIT!
He screams from the headlock that just got a bit tighter.
MR.DRINK SPIKER
I don’t know what she’s talking about.
He barely squeaks out. His red flush quickly turning blue.
BARTENDER
We’ll take it from here. In the future, let us handle it, OK?
NINA
Suuuure.
BARTENDER
(leaning close) And hey, drinks are on the house for you tonight. Good work.
He discreetly extends his hand for a fist-bump, only to receive a thankless eye-roll.
Nina’s cell phone VIBRATES. Text reads, “WE’RE HERE!” Looking up, she spots THREE FRIENDS about her age. They look like they all just walked out of Forever 21. She heads their way.
Osgood follows Nina with his eyes, not breaking his stare even when a SEXY WAITRESS interrupts him.
*This is a good twist. You do a great job of introducing Nina and foreshadowing a relationship between Nina and Osgood.
SEXY WAITRESS
Can I get you a drink?
OSGOOD
I’ll be having a drink later.
The sexy waitress moves on…her ego almost bruised.
Osgood stands fixated until ELLIS (30’s, strong, black vampire) and YEE-LING (early 40’s, Chinese vampire. Her elegant, shiny hair falling to her waist) both appear out of nowhere on either side of him as he watches Nina.
“Freeze” on Ellis(text across screen)“Vampire-401 Years”.
“Freeze” on Yee-Ling(text across screen)“Vampire-192 Years”.
Ellis leans closer registering Osgood’s view of Nina.
ELLIS
For later?
OSGOOD
I don’t think so…
Yee-ling glances at her phone.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Yes, vampires text. Why wouldn’t we? Who do you think invented the blue light filter?
Flashback of a stereotypical vampire looking at an old cell phone with a bright screen going up in a puff of smoke.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Serious lifesaver…
YEE-LING
Pasha is waiting for us, come on…
INT. NIGHTCLUB/VIP COUCH AREA – MOMENTS LATER
PASHA (the fittest 85-year-old Russian on the planet. The baby of the group, bottom of the pecking order) Pasha enthusiastically waves Yee-Ling and the others over to private, plush, white VIP couches.
“Freeze” on Pasha (text across screen) “Vampire – 2 Years”
Osgood positions himself where he can still see Nina across the dance floor. A waitress drops off bottle service.
ELLIS
Ozy…What’s new with you?
Osgood really hates that word, ”new”. His glare quickly changes as he remembers something. He reaches into his pocket and throws the folded piece of paper at Ellis. Yee-ling, panther-like, snatches it out of the air.
ELLIS
What is it?
Yee-ling scans it quickly.
YEE-LING
Ozy has to move… Again.
She tosses the paper to Ellis. CLOSE-UP ON FLYER. Osgood’s building is being torn-down to build fancy new condos.
This is a good inciting incident.
ELLIS
Why don’t you just give in and buy one of these new condos? It’ll be years before the gentrification catches up.
YEE-LING
(mocking)Because he looooves his “architecture”…
PASHA
Yeah, Ellis told me you have plenty of money…
Pasha realizes he should just shut up. A phone RINGS. Yee-ling answers.
YEE-LING
(speaking perfect Swedish)
Osgood looks at Ellis confused.
ELLIS
Babbel… She’s addicted…
They listen to her in awe. Yee-ling hangs up.
YEE-LING
That was Magnus, he wants us to meet him at the bowling alley.
Pasha excitedly hops up, his young Vampire status keeps his enthusiastic. (Give him a few years.)
ELLIS
Let’s go then…
Before following the others out Osgood scans the room, getting a last glance of Nina on the dance floor.
EXT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Osgood and the others exit, the cops are next to a squad car wrapping up with Mr. Drink Spiker.
Ellis, Yee-Ling and Pasha immediately head down the street. Osgood doesn’t move.
PASHA
(yelling) Ozy…?
In the background Mr. Drink Spiker sulks away, citation in hand.
OSGOOD
I’m just not up for Magnus tonight. You guys go.
YEE-LING
(in Russian)Suit Yourself.
ELLIS
(to Pasha) What did she say? Nevermind, I can’t keep up…
*You can totally disregard this if you want, but this part with Pasha, Yee-Ling and Ellis seems kind of static. What part do they play in the rest of the story? You could potentially introduce these characters later (or just spend less time focused on them) and spend more of your first 10 pages introducing Nina’s mom and dad and the predicament that they are in.
Osgood watches them walk away, then heads in the opposite direction. He quickly catches up with Mr. Drink Spiker who is fumbling with his keys.(which of course ARE to a “douche-bag-mobile” sportscar). The two make eye contact. It’s true that the eyes can say it all.
An incoherent blur of fast movement, blood spatters on car window.
INT. NIGHTCLUB/DANCE FLOOR – NIGHT
Nina dances the night away, her whole life ahead of her. Music pumping, flashing red lights transition into.
INT. BREWSTER HOUSE MAIN BEDROOM – EARLY MORNING
Flashing red of alarm clock – 4:50am. A manicured hand silences the alarm.
MARIN BREWSTER, (mid 50’s, healthy and vibrant looking, even at the crack of dawn) slides quietly out of the bed. She tries not to disturb her husband of 30 years.
JIM BREWSTER (mid 50’s. George Bailey, Ted Lasso and Rudy (NOT Giuliani BTW) rolled into one. Seriously the best person anyone knows). He even looks happy when he sleeps.
*You do a really good job of introducing Osgood. His character comes across strong on the page. Your opening does a good job of drawing you into the story. Osgood’s dialogue is really great in my opinion. It kind of blew me away. You are definitely on the right track.
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Posting for John Budinscak…
Budinscak Ready For Critique
Day 6
Synopsis:
A restaurant shares a parking lot with a funeral home. Jack, a chef and low-level criminal, sees something he shouldn’t have when he ventures to the dumpster in the parking lot. When questioned by Don Vito, a local crime boss, Jack denies seeing anything. But Don Vito doesn’t believe Jack and asks that he do him a favor – to personally deliver a package for the Don. In return, Don Vito promises NOT to burn the family restaurant to the ground. Jack agrees to make the trip to what he believes is Atlantic City – it’s not. And he doesn’t realize his two pain-in-the-ass nephews are stowaways in his Caddy and will tag along for the entire trip – they do. The reveal of the location AND his passengers are after page 10.
TITLE: Route 30A to Burbank
FADE IN:
SUPER: “1988”
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
A hearse leaves a funeral home and navigates a large parking lot shared with a quaint restaurant, Carmine’s.
INT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT
The kitchen, while clean, shows it age. Music plays from a small radio on an upper shelf, just below a matronly portrait of the family matriarch.
JACK, late 20s, a miniature nuclear warhead with a hair- trigger detonator yet slicker than a two day oil spill, moves gracefully in synch to the music as he cooks. He’s a natural in the kitchen.
JACK
This is intoxicating, Ma, you taught me good. Bet you didn’t think I could use intoxicating in a good way, did you? Me neither.
(looks at portrait)
Now don’t be mad for me wasting food.
He spins a knife and slices a loaf of Italian bread in half. He pulls a wad of cash from his pocket, stuffs it between the bread halves and slides the bread in a bag.
JACK
I know you’re gonna be really pissed when you see where it’s going. I promise, last time I see the old man, or whatever he calls himself.
Jack scribbles ‘FH’ on the bag and stores it next to the radio. He approaches a large pot of sauce and inhales deeply.
JACK
I promise I’ll be a better person. I know I say that all the time, but I mean it. Starting … tomorrow. I can’t tonight. I gotta do one more thing. Promise. Okay?
Knock, knock – someone’s at the kitchen door.
JACK (sing songy)
Who is it?
TOMMY
It’s your brother with two surprises.
JACK
As long as it isn’t those two little ass…..
In through the door walks Jack’s brother, TOMMY, a large, living teddy bear in his mid 30s with cousins PUCK, 12, a dweeb, and SAL, 12 and exuding sneakiness. Jack isn’t thrilled to see his nephews and lets it show.
JACK
If it isn’t Puck and Sal. And what brings you two disasters into my kitchen? Did Uncle Tommy force you?
TOMMY
They wanted to help, right boys?
SAL
That ain’t what happened.
PUCK
Why is it that Sal and I have to help?
Sal mocks Puck behind his back. Puck knows, Sal doesn’t care.
PUCK
I know you’re making fun of me.
SAL
No, I’m not.
PUCK
I can see you. Why be so conniving?
Sal wants to pound Puck’s smug mug.
SAL
I know what that means, I looked it up. Your picture’s there.
Sal pushes Puck, Puck pushes back and it’s on. In seconds, glasses are broken, flour fills the air and sauce is splashed on the floor.
JACK
HEY!
Everything and everyone stops, even the flour is suspended in midair. Tommy shoots Jack a ‘don’t go crazy now’ look. Sal comes up from behind and pushes Puck.
SAL
Tag, you’re it.
Sal spins away, takes a step and bounces backwards off the wall known as Uncle Tommy. Tommy grabs a hold of both nephews.
JACK (to Tommy)
Still wonder about my feelings?
Neither nephew return Jack’s menacing stare, they study the floor instead. Jack exhales long and slow composing himself.
JACK
Puck, you grab the meat. Sal, you got the sauce. Go. NOW!
Tommy holds the door while the nephews quickly exit the kitchen. He giggles as Jack mouths expletives at him.
TOMMY
It’s family, Jack, they’re boys.
JACK
Family? They ain’t my boys.
TOMMY
You can’t carry a grudge forever.
JACK
I’ll never forgive them.
Tommy’s giggle gets louder.
JACK
You go ahead, enjoy their company out there. I’ll stay and clean up their mess. Go on.
Tommy laughs out loud, Jack pelts him with pieces of bread. The radio flips from music to news.
NEWSCASTER
A key government informant in the battle against organized crime has gone missing.
EXT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT
Jack tosses a couple of bags of trash in the dumpster when he sees his friend and stoops to pet a big orange tabby cat.
JACK
Hello there, Rusty.
Jack watches a hearse pull into an open garage door at the funeral home. MEN exit the hearse and rush to the open back door. They struggle with a body bag that jerks around wildly.
JACK
I’ve never seen one do that.
Jack steps back, right on Rusty’s tail – Me-YEOW!
The men by the hearse look over, but hustle their package inside and shut the garage door.
Carmine’s back door opens, a hand slips out a saucer of milk.
JACK (O.S.)
Sorry, Rusty.
INT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT
DINING ROOM
The dining room is neat, yet worn – it’s ready renovation. Tommy leans on a wall covered with pictures of family events held at Carmine’s. He spots Jack’s lost-in-thought expression.
TOMMY
You alright?
JACK
Yeah, I think so. Why?
TOMMY
You had that same look when you figured out Santa Claus wasn’t real.
JACK
Santa and the Easter Bunny had the same handwriting.
TOMMY
How about this?
Tommy wears a shit-eating grin as he points to one picture in particular where Jack’s disheveled and the boys are all smiles eating ice cream cones.
JACK
The bank ride. Gee thanks, Tommy.
TOMMY
Let it go.
JACK
No. C’mon.
At the table, Puck and Sal eat with their aunt CAT, 30s, a stern librarian who scares them, and Aunt BETTY, 30s, free spirit who lets them get away with murder. On the end of the table is a new fangled ‘speakerphone’.
TOMMY
Can’t believe I’m saying this, but Jack’s a better cook than ma.
CAT
Stop. Ma?
TOMMY
I ain’t kidding. Jack, wha’d you use that gives it that kick?
JACK
You know I won’t tell you.
CAT
Tommy’s right. This is…
SAL (blurts out)
Good shit.
Puck giggles immediately. Jack gives Sal a pretty good slap on the back of his head.
SAL
Ouch. Why’d you do that?
JACK
Because you’re wrong. This is GREAT shit.
Puck snorts a laugh, Jack cuffs Puck.
BETTY
We should do this more often.
JACK
What’s that? Eat here for free or have me hit the boys?
BETTY
Get together, talk, eat, enjoy each other’s company. Know what I mean?
JACK
Ehhh.
BETTY
Our cousin Marie and her family are coming to town. We should get together as a family.
JACK
Which cousin?
BETTY
She’s a cousin once removed… um, how the hell do I know, she’s family.
JACK
So you want to have a get together? Like a family union?
CAT
It’s reunion. You said union.
JACK
How can it be a RE-union if you’ve never had one before.
Everyone looks at each other confused, except for Jack who’s waiting for his statement to sink in.
CAT (motions to nephews)
Can you pick up their moms at JFK next Tuesday morning?
JACK
I’ll have to check my schedule.
CAT
Excuse me?
JACK
I’m a busy guy, I’ll see what I can do.
Tommy uses bread like a sponge to clean his dish. Beads of sweat form a bridge between his eyebrows. Sal and Puck exchange curious glances.
JACK
Sal, once Tommy starts eating, keep your feet and hands clear.
That gets a chuckle from everyone.
JACK
Do what now?
CAT
Kennedy Airport, Tuesday morning.
Jack shrugs ‘yeah’, then motions to the boys.
JACK
What’s gonna happen to these two delinquents?
CAT
They’re mine for a couple of days.
The boys exchange helpless glances – they want to cry. Jack flashes a devilish grin – he’d be scared, too.
JACK
Doesn’t that sound like fun.
Tommy dries his head with a handful of napkins.
JACK
A little too spicy?
TOMMY
No, it’s great. I just can’t stop sweating. Ma would be proud.
JACK
She’d be envious.
Cat pinches Jack’s cheek – hard. He winces.
CAT
That’s from ma. Want to do a little something for cousin Marie and Aunt Susie? Maybe here?
JACK
Yeah. Here or outside. We’ll talk about it.
Cat leans in and whispers so only Jack can hear.
CAT
Tommy’s right, ma would have been proud, but don’t be an jerk.
INT. CARMINE’S – NIGHT
KITCHEN
Jack’s just about finished cleaning up when Tommy sticks his head in the door.
TOMMY
Everybody’s gone and the place is locked up. Need any help?
JACK
Nope, I got it. See you tomorrow.
As soon as the door shuts, Jack grabs the “FH” labeled loaf of bread and heads out the back door.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Jack carries the loaf of bread like a football as he navigates would-be tacklers in the dark, empty parking lot. Suddenly, he’s engulfed in light, specifically headlights.
A limo pulls up next to Jack, a head slithers from the open back window. Crime boss, DON VITO, 60s, is a snake’s snake.
DON VITO
Jack, I’m glad you’re here. I’ll see you inside.
A funeral home garage door opens for the limo. The funeral home front door opens for Jack.
INT. FUNERAL HOME – NIGHT
In an ornate office, Don Vito sits in a plush chair behind a fancy desk. Jack sits across from him in an uncomfortable folding chair. A large MAN stands next to Jack.
DON VITO
Jack, I see you brought some goodies.
JACK
Stuffed bread.
Jack yanks out the special bread loaf and proudly separates the halves. There’s enough cash to make Don Vito smile, yet he doesn’t.
JACK
We hit a few winners.
DON VITO
I bet. Anything else?
JACK
Sorry I didn’t bring calamari?
DON VITO
I used to love your momma’s calamari.
JACK
It was always fresh.
DON VITO
Like it fell off a truck?
JACK
It jumped in the boat.
Jack waits for a laugh, smile, anything from Don Vito; but it never comes. Don Vito nods and the large man leaves the room. It’s just Jack and the Don.
DON VITO
Anything else?
JACK
I don’t know nothing else. Why?
DON VITO
I hear things, workers talk.
JACK
And what do the workers say?
DON VITO
They say they saw you earlier this evening.
JACK
Unless they came in the restaurant, I don’t know what they’re talking about.
DON VITO
So, you say my men lie to me?
JACK
I didn’t say that.
DON VITO
Then what are you saying cuz no one’s ever lied to me twice.
JACK
I’ve been cooking. I haven’t even been outside.
DON VITO
Not even to take out the trash?
JACK
Nope.
Don Vito pulls Rusty’s milk saucer from a desk drawer. Jack’s poker face belies the wheels turning upstairs.
DON VITO
The milk was still cold.
The two men simply stare at one another. Neither blinks.
DON VITO
And now, I need a favor. From you.
JACK
What is it, Don Vito?
DON VITO
I need you to personally deliver a package on my behalf.
JACK
Where to?
DON VITO
I can promise you beautiful weather, pretty women and new casinos to fine tune your gambling skills.
JACK
I love Atlantic City. And what do I get in return?
DON VITO
Do you know why they call me the Weatherman?
JACK
With two brothers as your family wanted a call me the morticians, meteorologist?
DON VITO
You’re funny. Actually, make that clever, that’s better. They call me the Weatherman for my uncanny knack for predicting when and where lightning will strike.
JACK
What’s the weather forecast?
DON VITO
Still a little cloudy?
JACK
Let’s clear it up. Watch’s the story?
DON VITO
You make the delivery Monday at 2:00 PM sharp. If not, at 2:01, lightning will strike Carmine’s and burn it to the fucking ground.
Jack stews in silence as the Don relaxes in his chair.
-
Amy is Ready for Critique!
Synopsis: Andrea is the noon news anchor at the local TV station. Her dream is to anchor the network news. She pursues this like her life depends on it because to her, it determines her worth. Truthfully, she doesn’t actually enjoy covering hard-hitting news, but she’s in denial about that. She is married to Josh and has two kids, Benjamin and Chloe, but she is neglectful towards them because she is so focused on her career.
One day she goes to cover the new supercollider at the local university. She accidentally gets sucked into the machine and ends up traveling through time and visiting different memorable points in her life. When she eventually comes back through the machine, it’s a year into the future and she has been missing from her life for a year. The woman that Josh hired to be the kids’ nanny, Meagan, has taken over her life and is now engaged to Josh. Andrea isn’t that concerned about her family but distraught that she no longer has a career. After some begging, Andrea’s old boss agrees to hire her back.
Josh drops Meagan like a hot potato and tries to pick up where he and Andrea left off. He pursues her for a while, but gets tired of being rejected and decides he’s going back to Meagan. Once Andrea realizes what’s she lost, she starts to think twice about her priorities. Now she has to compete with Meagan for Josh’s attention. She also starts making an effort with her children, although she’s not doing a very good job because she’s still torn between them and her career.
While all of this other stuff is going on, Andrea is pressing the professor for information about the machine and whether Meagan knew that it was capable of time travel. She also pressures him to help her go back to the time period she came from so she can get her career back.
First 10 Pages
FADE IN:
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
A large tube-like machine WHIRS LOUDLY. It’s huge. It takes up almost the whole room. It’s a supercollider.
An old man is running back and forth frantically. This is Dr. Smitty.
DR. SMITTY
TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!
A young woman stands next to the machine unfazed, smug. It’s MEAGAN DONOHUE, 30s. She is Dr. Smitty’s teacher’s assistant.
A man holding a camera stands frozen in place, not sure what to do. This is WBEN anchor Andrea Richards’ cameraman, MARK.
DR. SMITTY
(to Meagan)
COME ON YOU DOLT! JUST DON’T STAND THERE.
Dr. Smitty runs towards the machine.
He reaches for the switch, but…
ANDREA RICHARDS, 30s, suddenly pops out of the machine. The normally quaffed news anchor is disheveled and completely disoriented.
Meagan frowns. Mark stands with his mouth open.
DR. SMITTY
THANK GOD!
ANDREA
I’m back!
DR. SMITTY
What happened? What did you see?
ANDREA
I’ve got to go home. I need to talk to my family.
Andrea bolts out of the lab.
DR. SMITTY
Wait! Mrs. Richards, we need to talk about this.
INT. – NEWS DESK – TWO WEEKS EARLIER
ANDREA RICHARDSON, (35) peers into a mirror and scrunches up her face. She is in her happy place, behind the anchor desk, where all her life’s purpose is and most of her self-worth lies.
ANDREA
Ick!
She fixes her lipstick and rights a stray hair, then smiles a satisfied smile.
ANDREA
All better!
FLOOR MANAGER (O.S.)
Going live in 30.
Andrea quickly slips the mirror under the desk. Her brow furrows as she studies her script.
FLOOR MANAGER
In 5-4-3-
The floor manager points to Andrea.
She plasters the smile back on her face and looks directly into the camera.
ANDREA
Good evening and welcome to WBEN’s 5 News at Noon. Breaking at this hour, the late David Miller’s painting entitled “Love Unrequited” was stolen from the Johnston City Art Museum.
Andrea turns to the monitor behind her on the set.
ANDREA
With me now is the museum’s curator, Seth Meyers. Seth, thank you for joining me.
INT. MUSEUM – DAY
SETH MEYERS stands in front of a blank wall.
SETH
You are very welcome, Andrea. You’re looking very pretty today.
INT. – NEWS DESK – DAY
ANDREA
Uh, thank you. Seth, this extraordinary painting was valued at 4 million dollars, correct?
INTERCUT CONVERSATION
SETH
That’s correct, Andrea. This was David Miller’s last painting before he passed away. It was a portrait of Sadie Wilson, the woman who was the love of his life. Sadly, his love was unrequited, thus the title of the painting, ‘Unrequited Love.”
ANDREA
Seth-
SETH
Andrea, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you and all your viewers in on a secret of mine. I too have unrequited love. It’s you, Andrea.
LAUGHTER CAN BE HEARD in the studio.
Andrea stifles laughter herself.
The floor manager signals to Andrea to wrap up the interview.
ANDREA
Sorry, Seth. Gotta go!
INT. –NEWSROOM – MAKEUP ROOM -NIGHT
Newsroom employees can be seen through the door scurrying back and forth. Something exciting is happening.
The MAKE-UP LADY is putting blush on Andrea.
Andrea punches a few buttons on her phone and puts it up to her ear.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
JOSH RICHARDSON, (30s), Andrea’s husband’s phone buzzes. He picks it up and continues to stir something in a skillet.
JOSH
I hope you’re calling to tell me you’re on your way home.
INT. – NEWSROOM – MAKEUP ROOM – NIGHT
Andrea shoos the MAKEUP LADY away.
ANDREA
What are you wearing?
INTERCUT PHONE CONVERSATION
JOSH
Two unhappy children.
ANDREA
I have to cover this story. It could be my big break.
JOSH
I’ll miss you too.
ANDREA
But you’ll love all the money I’ll be making when I get hired by the network.
Josh sighs and hangs his head.
ANDREA
Besides, you’ll be up when I get home, right? For some quality time?
A smile spreads across Josh’s face.
JOSH
Ugh! What am I going to do with you?
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Chloe and Benjamin sit at the kitchen table. Chloe writes furiously, looking back and forth between her paper and her textbook. Benjamin reads. Josh is engrossed by something on his phone.
Chloe abruptly stops what she’s doing and looks up at her dad.
CHLOE
Dad?
JOSH
(without looking up)
Yeah?
CHLOE
When’s mom coming home?
JOSH
She’s not.
Josh finally looks up.
JOSH
She was discovered today.
CHLOE
Discovered?
JOSH
Yeah, by a Hollywood director.
BENJAMIN
Really?
CHLOE
Is mom going to be in a movie?
JOSH
I’m sure she will eventually. She’s very attractive and the camera loves her.
BENJAMIN
But what about us? You said she was just working late.
JOSH
You’ve got me.
CHLOE
No offense dad, but you can’t even do 7th grade math.
JOSH
Neither can your mom.
CHLOE
Dad! Are we ever going to see her again?
BENJAMIN
Yeah! I can’t believe she would just leave us like that!
JOSH
Okay, relax you two. She IS just working late, and I don’t know exactly when she’ll be home. Knowing her, probably after we’ve all gone to bed.
Chloe and Benjamin sigh in relief.
CHLOE
DAD! That wasn’t funny!
EXT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – NEXT DAY
The MAYOR of Johnston City stands next to a MAN in a lab coat just in front of the double doors leading inside the lab and behind a huge red ribbon. He holds a giant pair of scissors. They stand before a small gathering of people, one of which is Meagan.
Andrea stands off to the side with Matt. Matt is holding his camera and recording the ceremony.
MAYOR
And so I’d like to invite Dr. Ronald Smity up to help me cut the ribbon and officially open the Johnston City University Science Lab.
DR. SMITTY, 60S, sports a head full of white hair. He walks with a cane and wears glasses on the tip of his nose.
DR. SMITTY
Thank you, Mayor. It’s an honor to be with you here today. We already have lots of important work in progress, and I can’t wait to share it all with you.
MAYOR
Great! Let’s cut the ribbon!
They cut the ribbon.
There is APPLAUSE FROM THE CROWD and the CLICKING OF CAMERAS CAN BE HEARD.
Meagan rushes up to Dr. Smity.
MEAGAN
Dr. Smitty?
DR. SMITTY
Yes?
MEAGAN
I’m your new teacher’s assistant.
DR. SMITTY
Oh, yes. I did hear that you were coming. Nice to have you.
MEAGAN
I’m really excited to get to work with you on the new supercollider. I hear it’s nearly finished.
DR. SMITTY
Yes, getting very close.
MEAGAN
I’ve been doing some research, and I understand that time travel is a very real possibility with the supercollider.
Dr. Smity looks taken aback.
DR. SMITTY
Uh, yes, possible, but not advisable. Why are you-
ANDREA (O.S.)
Dr. Smitty!
Dr. Smity tears his attention away from Meagan.
DR. SMITTY
Yes?
ANDREA
Andrea Richards with WBEN. I wonder if could steal a moment of your time for an interview.
MEAGAN
Andrea Richards! I watch you on TV every day!
She holds her hand out the Andrea.
MEAGAN
Meagan Donahue. Dr. Smity’s new TA.
ANDREA
Nice to meet you.
MEAGAN
Our sons are on the same baseball team. I know your husband.
ANDREA
You know my husband?
MEAGAN
And your kids!
Dr. Smitty clears his throat.
DR. SMITTY
Um, ladies.
ANDREA
Oh! So sorry, Dr. Smity. Where were we?
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – ONE WEEK LATER
Andrea positions herself beside the supercollider readying herself to be on camera. Dr. Smitty is standing to her left.
Mark points his camera at her.
MEAGAN (O.S.)
Wait! You can’t start without me.
DR. SMITTY
Meagan, you’re late.
MEAGAN
The traffic was terrible. This mean guy in a Toyota wouldn’t let me merge. This always happens to me.
ANDREA
Meagan? Have we met?
Meagan plasters on a fake smile.
MEAGAN
Yes. We met at the dedication ceremony. I just couldn’t miss you being here today.
DR. SMITTY
Shall we get started?
ANDREA
Yes. Let’s get started. Mark, are you ready?
MARK
Ready in 3-2-
Mark points at Andrea.
ANDREA
I’m here with Dr. Smitty and-
MEAGAN
Wait! Why don’t we turn the machine on?
DR. SMITTY
That’s not advisable.
ANDREA
Actually, Dr. Smitty, I think that’s a great idea. Show the folks at home what it looks like in action.
DR. SMITTY
You don’t understand. That’s very dangerous.
ANDREA
But I’m Andrea Richards.
Andrea checks her reflection in the camera.
ANDREA
The whole town will be watching this.
DR. SMITTY
No. I just can’t.
MEAGAN
Dr. Smitty. Don’t you want to impress the those scientists at Harvard who doubted you. You built this. Show them what this baby can do.
Dr. Smitty ponders what Meagan has just said, hesitates, then finds his resolve.
DR. SMITTY
All right. I’ll turn it on.
Dr. Smitty leans across Andrea and locates a large switch. He pushes it up and the machine whirs to life.
ANDREA
Great! Let’s begin again.
Mark cues Andrea to begin speaking.
ANDREA
I’m Andrea Richards with WBEN and-
MEAGAN
Wait!
Dr. Smitty rolls his eyes, exasperated.
DR. SMITTY
What now?
MEAGAN
Maybe Andrea should stand closer to the machine, you know, for impact.
Then two things happen at once. Andrea takes one step to her right closer to the machine as Dr. Smitty grabs her arm to pull her back, but…
It’s too late.
SWOOSH
Andrea gets sucked into the machine and disappears.
-
Amy’s Great First Page!
What I learned from this assignment is even the very page can determine whether the rest of your script gets read.
FADE IN:
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
A large tube-like machine WHIRS LOUDLY. It’s huge. It takes up almost the whole room. It’s a supercollider.
An old man is running back and forth frantically. This is Dr. Smitty.
DR. SMITTY
TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!
A young woman stands next to the machine unfazed, smug. It’s MEAGAN DONOHUE, 30s. She is Dr. Smitty’s teacher’s assistant.
A man holding a camera stands frozen in place, not sure what to do. This is WBEN anchor Andrea Richards’ cameraman, MARK.
DR. SMITTY
(to Meagan)
COME ON YOU DOLT! JUST DON’T STAND THERE.
Dr. Smitty runs towards the machine.
He reaches for the switch, but…
ANDREA RICHARDS, 30s, suddenly pops out of the machine. The normally quaffed news anchor is disheveled and completely disoriented.
Meagan frowns. Mark stands with his mouth open.
DR. SMITTY
THANK GOD!
ANDREA
I’m back!
DR. SMITTY
What happened? What did you see?
ANDREA
I’ve got to go home. I need to talk to my family.
Andrea bolts out of the lab.
DR. SMITTY
Wait! Mrs. Richards, we need to talk about this.
-
Amy’s Rough draft
What I learned doing this assignment is that my inciting incident didn’t happen until page 24 and it’s even further down in the script before the main action of the movie starts. For now, I have cut and pasted the important parts so that the inciting incident happens and the main action of the movie starts in the first 10 pages.
FADE IN:
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
A large tube-like machine WHIRS LOUDLY. It’s huge. It takes up almost the whole room. It’s a supercollider.
An old man is running back and forth frantically. This is Dr. Smitty.
DR. SMITTY
TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!
A young woman stands next to the machine unfazed, smug. It’s MEAGAN DONOHUE, 30s. She is Dr. Smitty’s teacher’s assistant.
A man holding a camera stands frozen in place, not sure what to do. This is WBEN anchor Andrea Richards’ cameraman, MARK.
DR. SMITTY
(to Meagan)
COME ON YOU DOLT! JUST DON’T STAND THERE.
Dr. Smitty runs towards the machine.
He reaches for the switch, but…
ANDREA RICHARDS, 30s, suddenly pops out of the machine. The normally quaffed news anchor is disheveled and completely disoriented.
Meagan frowns. Mark stands with his mouth open.
DR. SMITTY
THANK GOD!
ANDREA
I’m back!
DR. SMITTY
What happened? What did you see?
ANDREA
I’ve got to go home. I need to talk to my family.
Andrea bolts out of the lab.
DR. SMITTY
Wait! Mrs. Richards, we need to talk about this.
INT. – RICHARDS HOME LIVING ROOM – DAY
Andrea’s husband, JOSH, 30s is on his phone. Her son, BENJAMIN (12) watches a baseball game on TV. Her daughter, CHLOE (10) struggles with her math homework.
The DOOR can be HEARD SLAMMING shut.
Everyone jumps.
Andrea rushes in.
ANDREA
Thank God you’re all here!
Andrea runs over to Josh and throws her arms around him. She kisses him passionately.
JOSH
Hi, honey. Is everything okay?
ANDREA
It is now.
Andrea runs over to Chloe and squeezes her really tight.
CHLOE
Mom, I can’t breath.
She does the same to Benjamin.
BENJAMIN
What’s wrong with you, Mom? We just saw you this morning.
Andrea lets go of Benjamin and looks around the room.
ANDREA
I love you all so much. I’m going to start spending more time with you and not working so much.
JOSH
Honey, this is great, but what’s gotten into you?
INT. –NEWSROOM – MAKEUP ROOM – SAME DAY, BUT EARLIER
Newsroom employees can be seen through the door scurrying back and forth. Something exciting is happening.
The MAKE-UP LADY is putting blush on Andrea. She finishes
Andrea punches a few buttons on her phone and puts it up to her ear.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh’s phone buzzes. He picks it up and continues to stir something in a skillet.
JOSH
I hope you’re calling to tell me you’re on your way home.
INT. – NEWSROOM – MAKEUP ROOM – NIGHT
Andrea shoos the MAKEUP LADY away.
ANDREA
What are you wearing?
INTERCUT PHONE CONVERSATION
JOSH
Two unhappy children.
ANDREA
I have to cover this story. It could be my big break.
JOSH
I’ll miss you too.
ANDREA
But you’ll love all the money I’ll be making when I get promoted to night time anchor.
Josh sighs and hangs his head.
ANDREA
Besides, you’ll be up when I get home, right? For some quality time?
A smile spreads across Josh’s face.
JOSH
Ugh! What am I going to do with you?
INT. NEWSROOM – MAKEUP ROOM – NIGHT
Andrea starts to get up from the makeup chair. Joannie runs in with papers in her hand.
JOANNIE
Here’s your script. How’d you get Tom to let you do the live instead of Cynthia?
ANDREA
I just convinced him she needed time to get ready for the regular newscast. Besides, he knows how bad I want the extra exposure.
JOANNIE
You’re missing dinner with your family again.
ANDREA
There will be other dinners.
JOANNIE
Not if you become the 6 o’clock anchor. Do you ever think about just staying where you are?
ANDREA
What? And be the noon anchor for the rest of my life? I would die!
JOANNIE
I’m just saying…
ANDREA
What?
JOANNIE
Look, we’ve been friends for years, so I feel like I can say this. You shouldn’t take your family for granted. We’re never guaranteed tomorrow.
ANDREA
What are you talking about? I don’t take them for granted, but my career is my life.
Joannie sighs.
JOANNIE
Yeah. I know.
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea positions herself beside the supercollider readying herself to be on camera. Dr. Smitty is standing to her left.
Mark points his camera at her.
MEAGAN (O.S.)
Wait! You can’t start without me.
DR. SMITTY
Meagan, you’re late.
MEAGAN
The traffic was terrible. This mean guy in a Toyota wouldn’t let me merge. This always happens to me.
ANDREA
Meagan? The teacher’s assistant at the university. You’re the one my husband hired as a nanny.
Meagan plasters on a fake smile.
MEAGAN
Yes. We met at the dedication ceremony. I just couldn’t miss you being here today.
DR. SMITTY
Shall we get started?
ANDREA
Yes. Let’s get started. Mark, are you ready?
MARK
Ready in 3-2-
Mark points at Andrea.
ANDREA
I’m here with Dr. Smitty and-
MEAGAN
Wait! Why don’t we turn the machine on?
DR. SMITTY
That’s not advisable.
ANDREA
Actually, Dr. Smitty, I think that’s a great idea. Show the folks at home what it looks like in action.
DR. SMITTY
You don’t understand. That’s very dangerous.
ANDREA
But I’m Andrea Richards.
Andrea checks her reflection in the camera.
ANDREA
The whole town will be watching this.
DR. SMITTY
No. I just can’t.
MEAGAN
Dr. Smitty. Don’t you want to impress the those scientists at Harvard who doubted you. You built this. Show them what this baby can do.
Dr. Smitty ponders what Meagan has just said, hesitates, then finds his resolve.
DR. SMITTY
All right. I’ll turn it on.
Dr. Smitty leans across Andrea and located a large switch. He pushes it up and the machine whirs to life.
ANDREA
Great! Let’s begin again.
Mark cues Andrea to begin speaking.
ANDREA
I’m Andrea Richards with WBEN and-
MEAGAN
Wait!
Dr. Smitty rolls his eyes, exasperated.
DR. SMITTY
What now?
MEAGAN
Maybe Andrea should stand closer to the machine, you know, for impact.
Then two things happen at once. Andrea takes one step to her right closer to the machine as Dr. Smitty grabs her arm to pull her back, but…
It’s too late.
SWOOSH
Andrea gets sucked into the machine and disappears.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY – 2001
It’s many years in the past and a younger Andrea can be seen sitting at a desk staring at a computer.
2022 Andrea appears seemingly out of nowhere, disoriented.
She looks around, confused.
A younger Tom walks from his office, spots one of his reporters, Julia Reese.
TOM
Julia, they found a body down by the creek. I need you to go cover it. It might be the missing girl.
Younger Andrea jumps out of her seat.
YOUNG ANDREA
Oh, Julia, can I come with you, please?
JULIA
All right, kid, but don’t try anything. This is my story.
EXT. WOODS – DAY
Younger Andrea walks alongside Julia and a CAMERAMAN.
2022 Andrea follows behind.
They come upon a search team. Julia motions the cameraman over.
JULIA
Hello, officer. I’m Julia Reese, WBEN. Can you tell us what’s going on here. Have you found the missing girl?
OFFICER
I know who you are. This is one officer you can’t push around. I’m not telling you anything I haven’t told anybody else.
YOUNG ANDREA
Uh, officer. Will you tell me?
Young Andrea sticks her hand out. The officer takes it reluctantly.
YOUNG ANDREA
Andrea Waldman.
JULIA
Intern.
OFFICER
Hi, Andrea. What do YOU want to know?
YOUNG ANDREA
Do you believe this to be the body of thirteen year-old Deliah Simmons who’s been missing for two weeks.
The officer hesitates, then leans in towards Andrea. The cameraman is recording. Julia watches intently.
OFFICER
Yes. I believe this is a thirteen year-old girl. Unfortunately.
Julia fumes.
JULIA
Now you’ve done it, intern. I’ll make sure you get exactly what you deserve.
Young Andrea looks at Julia nervously. 2022 Andrea smirks.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
SUPER: 2004
POV 2022 Andrea
Josh stands behind the podium. He’s confident but reserved.
Andrea sits among the other news reporters with her CAMERMAN. Her eyes are glued on Josh and she’s in a dreamy state.
JOSH
So we’ve identified the clown killer, but for obvious reasons, we won’t be revealing his identity. This is no joke. We don’t want to give this… depraved person anymore attention.
Andrea’s hand shoots up. She motions her cameraman to stand up with her and makes sure the camera is on her.
Josh is taken aback. He hadn’t noticed this beauty before now.
JOSH
Yes, Ms…
ANDREA
Waldman. Andrea Waldman from WBEN, the best TV station in town.
Other REPORTERS sigh and roll their eyes.
JOSH
Your question.
ANDREA
Oh, yeah. If you don’t identify the clown killer, how do you expect the public to help you find him so you can put an end to this whole circus.
SNICKERS from the CROWD.
JOSH
Ms. Waldman, this is a serious matter.
ANDREA
Oh, all right. Well, do you have any idea where he might be?
JOSH
I’m not going to comment on that. This concludes this press conference.
All the people in the room scurry this way and that. Andrea rushes to the podium, where everyone is trying to talk to Josh at once.
ANDREA
Uh… excuse me. Mr. Richards?
Josh forgets everyone else and looks at Andrea.
JOSH
You can call me Josh.
Andrea giggles.
ANDREA
Okay, Josh, would you be willing to appear on WBEN’s 6 o’ clock show live tonight? We are the number one station in town.
JOSH
Ms. Waldman-
ANDREA
Andrea.
JOSH
Andrea. I’ve already said everything I have to say about the matter. Weren’t you live just now?
ANDREA
Well… yes.
JOSH
Are you a new reporter? I haven’t seen you before.
ANDREA
You ask a lot of questions. That’s my job.
JOSH
Is that right?
ANDREA
Be serious.
JOSH
Oh, NOW you want to be serious.
ANDREA
You are a joker, you know that?
JOSH
I’ve been told. How about we discuss this further over lunch.
ANDREA
Lunch?
JOSH
They do let you eat lunch, don’t they?
INT. – CHURCH – DAY
SUPER: 2006
A wedding ceremony. The bride and groom stand at the front facing the pastor.
The doors to the church open and 2022 Andrea appears. Her lips quiver and a tear rolls down her cheek. It’s her wedding day.
PASTOR
I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Joshua Richards.
2006 Andrea and Josh kiss.
APPLAUSE
Andrea and Josh make their way down the aisle.
ANDREA
This is like TV, only I can see the viewers. I would be a good talk show host, don’t you think.
JOSH
You’d be great, honey. The camera loves you.
Both Andrea and Josh smile and wave to their guests as they continue down the isle.
ANDREA
I know what I’d call my show. Afternoons with Andrea.
JOSH
No. You need a more serious title to go with the hard hitting stories.
ANDREA
No. I’ll only being doing lighthearted topics.
JOSH
Really? I thought you’d want a more newsy show, you know, where you can interview your husband, the detective.
ANDREA
Nope. Sorry, my dear. It’s going to be a lifestyle show.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY – 2012
Andrea lies in bed holding her newborn son, Josh by her side beaming.
2022 Andrea appears. Once she realizes where she is, her hands cover her mouth and she begins to tear up again.
2012 ANDREA
He’s perfect.
JOSH
Yes, he is. What are we going to name him?
2012 ANDREA
Well, we both seem to like Benjamin.
JOSH
Benjamin it is.
Josh pats Benjamin’s head and smiles.
JOSH
Uh, Andrea, now that we have a little one, maybe you should stay home.
Andrea jerks her head around to stare at Josh.
JOSH
For now. You know, to focus on the baby. I mean I know you have maternity leave, but past that.
Andrea looks back down at Benjamin
ANDREA
You’re going to be such a good daddy. I know you just want what’s best for the baby, but I need my career.
INT. – UNIVERSITY LAB – ONE YEAR INTO THE FUTURE
Professor Smity tinkers with the supercollider.
PROFESSOR SMITY
Ah! That’s it!
He flips the power switch and the machine comes to life.
Suddenly, he seems to remember something and quickly leaves the room.
The machine gets loud and suddenly…
Andrea pops out of the machine. She’s disoriented.
ANDREA
Professor Smity? Matt? What happened? Where did everybody go?
Andrea picks up her phone. She punches a few buttons, but she’s having trouble.
ANDREA
What’s wrong with this thing?
She spots a landline phone on a desk. She rushes over to pick it up. She dials a number
ANDREA
Hello? Barbara?… It’s Andrea. Something went wrong with the story. I lost Matt. And the professor… No, this is not a prank… Hello? Barbara?
Andrea takes the phone from her ear and stares at it, bewildered.
INT. – HALLWAY – DAY
Andrea slips out of the lab as Professor Smity is coming down the hall. He’s looking down at some papers and totally misses her.
EXT. – SCIENCE LAB/STREET – DAY
Andrea bursts through the doors and runs to the street.
She looks around and appears lost.
A taxi drives by. Andrea stops it and gets in.
INT. – TAXI – DAY
ANDREA
WBEN, please.
EXT. – STREET/WBEN – DAY
Andrea jumps out of the taxi.
She goes to the door and tries her electronic key, but it doesn’t work.
She picks up the phone and waits.
ANDREA
Bob! It’s Andrea. My key isn’t working. Can you let me in?… No, this isn’t a joke. Bob, let me in!
A LOUD CLICK IS HEARD.
ANDREA
What is going on?
She turns back to the street and starts walking towards the parking garage.
INT. PARKING GARAGE – DAY
Andrea looks around for her car but becomes very confused when she can’t find it.
She gives up and walks back out.
EXT. – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
A taxi pulls up to Andrea’s home. She gets out and runs up the walkway.
She puts her key in the door, but it doesn’t work.
She rings the bell.
ANDREA
Josh, my key isn’t working. Can you let me in?
The door opens. It’s Josh. He turns pale at the sight of her.
JOSH
Andrea?
Andrea brushes past him and into the house.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – FOYER – DAY
Andrea looks around. Everything is different.
ANDREA
What have you done to the house, and why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?
JOSH
Where have you been?
ANDREA
I was at work. Something went wrong. I went back in time. Why are you home on a Wednesday?
JOSH
Something went wrong? It’s Saturday.
CHLOE/BENJAMIN (O.S.)
MOM!
Chloe and Benjamin tear across the room and embrace their mother. Chloe starts to cry.
CHLOE
We thought you were dead.
ANDREA
What?
BENJAMIN
Where have you been?
ANDREA
What’s wrong with everyone? Why did you think I was dead? I was just taking a stroll through the past, but I’m back now.
JOSH
You were strolling through the past for a whole year?
ANDREA
What do you mean a whole year?
JOSH
You disappeared on November 18, 2021.
ANDREA
What day is today?
JOSH
November 19, 2022.
Andrea grows very pale.
ANDREA
I need to sit down.
CHLOE
Here, Mom. Come to the living room.
-
Amy’s Opening Scene is Irresistible!
What I learned doing this assignment is this might possibly be the best possible way to open my movie.
FADE IN:
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
A large tube-like machine WHIRS LOUDLY. It’s huge. It takes up almost the whole room. It’s a suppercollider.
An old man is running back and forth frantically. This is Dr. Smitty.
DR. SMITTY
TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!
A young woman stands next to the machine unfazed, smug. It’s MEAGAN DONOHUE, 30s. She is Dr. Smitty’s teacher’s assistant.
A man holding a camera stands frozen in place, not sure what to do. This is WBEN anchor Andrea Richards’ cameraman, MARK.
DR. SMITTY
(to Meagan)
COME ON YOU DOLT! JUST DON’T STAND THERE.
Dr. Smitty runs towards the machine.
He reaches for the switch, but…
ANDREA RICHARDS, 30s, suddenly pops out of the machine. The normally quaffed news anchor is disheveled and completely disoriented.
Meagan frowns. Mark stands with his mouth open.
DR. SMITTY
THANK GOD!
ANDREA
I’m back!
DR. SMITTY
What happened? What did you see?
ANDREA
I’ve got to go home. I need to talk to my family.
Andrea bolts out of the lab.
DR. SMITTY
Wait! Mrs. Richards, we need to talk about this.
INT. – RICHARDS HOME LIVING ROOM – DAY
Andrea’s husband, JOSH, 30s is on his phone. Her son, BENJAMIN (12) watches a baseball game on TV. Her daughter, CHLOE (10) struggles with her math homework.
The DOOR can be HEARD SLAMMING shut.
Everyone jumps.
Andrea rushes in.
ANDREA
Thank God you’re all here!
Andrea runs over to Josh and throws her arms around him. She kisses him passionately.
JOSH
Hi, honey. Is everything okay?
ANDREA
It is now.
Andrea runs over to Chloe and squeezes her really tight.
CHLOE
Mom, I cant breath.
She does the same to Benjamin.
BENJAMIN
What’s wrong with you, Mom? We just saw you this morning.
Andrea lets go of Benjamin and looks around the room.
ANDREA
I love you all so much. I’m going to start spending more time with you and not working so much.
JOSH
Honey, this is great, but what’s gotten into you?
-
Amy’s Openings!
What I learned from this assignment is my current opening doesn’t really set up the rest of the movie.
1. Opening 1-Instant Conflict-There is breaking news and Andrea has to work late. She calls home to tell Josh. He’s not happy.
2. Opening 5-The VO that’s unusual-have Andrea talk about how she’s always been fascinated with the idea of time travel but that she doesn’t think it will ever be possible.
3. Opening 6-The unique character- I believe this is what I have already, but my character really isn’t coming off as all that unique. I need to put her in a situation showing how good she is covering hard news, but also how much she really hates it.
4. Opening 7-The action opening-have Andrea covering a hostage situation and the gunman comes out shooting. Her husband Josh runs at her and knocks her to the ground to get her out of the line of fire.
5. Opening 9-Intriguing scene from another place in the movie-Andrea pops out of the time machine after having just spent a couple of months in the future. She runs immediately home to tell Josh and the kids how much they mean to her and that she’s not going to work so hard anymore. They are all confused as to why she’s acting this way.
Opening I chose: #5 Intriguing scene from another place in the movie.
-
Amy Loves This Opening!
What I learned from this assignment is a great opening makes you want to read the rest of the script and sets up the rest of the story.
Movies: Sleepless in Seattle
CLOSE ON SAM BALDWIN
A card: Chicago.
He’s in his thirties. His neck is pinched into a crisp dress shirt and tie. His expression is vacant, faraway. A breeze blows but he doesn’t react to it. In the distance the architecture of the Chicago skyline.
SAM
Mommy got sick and it happened
just like that and there was
nothing anybody would do.
(continued)
And pull back to reveal:
EXT. CHICAGO – A GRAVESITE – DAY
Next to Sam is his son Jonah, age 9. Sam’s hand is on his shoulder. As the mourners go past and each takes a turn shoveling a clod of dirt into an open grave —
SAM
If we start asking why we’ll go
crazy. So, rule number one.
We don’t ask why.
Note: Provocative opening. Right away you feel sad for Sam because he just lost his wife. You also feel sad for Jonah who just lost his mother.
CUT TO:
CLOSE ON ANNIE REED
Pretty, blonde, animated. Jeans, a T-shirt, a Baltimore
Orioles hat.
ANNIE
Why? I just want to know why?
That’s my first rule. I always
ask why. Come on. Tell me.
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon —
And pull back to reveal:
EXT. CHICAGO ALLEY – DAY
Annie is talking to her boyfriend, a good-looking guy named SETH. They’re carrying packing boxes into the house they share in the Old Town section of Chicago. The same stunning architecture in the b.g. They go up the back wooden staircase to the house.
SETH
There’s no why, Annie. I’m
just not up for it. I never
said I was.
ANNIE
Is there somebody else?
SETH
Nope.
ANNIE
You don’t love me, is that it?
SETH
Nope.
Follow them into:
INT. KITCHEN – DUSK
As they set down the packing boxes and Seth starts to assemble them.
ANNIE
How about … you’re too
narcissistic to commit to
another human being in a long-
term way.
SETH
(agreeably)
That’s good.
Note: Sam just lost his wife and Annie just lost her boyfriend.
CUT TO:
INT. SAM’S CHICAGO TOWN HOUSE – DAY
An attractive, thirtyish couple, SUZY and GREG are stocking Sam’s freezer with enough Ziploc meals for a months. A number of friends and relatives talk quietly in the living room beyond. Sam stands alone by a window that looks into the backyard. We can see a garden of flowers — clearly planted by Sam’s wife.
SUZY
Five minutes in the microwave.
Any one of them, five minutes
and done. Ready to eat. Do
you know how to make juice?
SAM
Microwave. Five minutes.
CUT TO:
ANNIE’S KITCHEN – SEVERAL DAYS LATER
Packing boxes. Seth is moving out.
ANNIE
You take the microwave?
SETH
What am I going to do with a
microwave?
ANNIE
You turn it on, you open it and
you stand in front of it for a
very long time.
SETH
So you’re angry. Big deal.
CUT TO:
SAM’S OFFICE – DAY
A large modern architectural firm in a Chicago high-rise. Lake Michigan out the window. A large space with several architects consulting, drafting, etc. Sam is at his desk, working. An older colleague, ROB, comes over to him. Rob has a mustache, smokes a pipe; he’s kind but a little stuffy.
ROB
Young man, it’s none of my
business, but maybe you should
talk to someone. I myself
have consulted a professional.
I used to be up tight.
On Sam’s face. It’s hard to imagine Rob being any more uptight than he is. Sam takes some business cards out of his shirt pocket and reads them off.
SAM
Hypnotherapy…Shiatu Massage…
Loss of Spouse support groups…
Single parent discussion nights…
Parents without partners.
(starts riffling, angry)
Partners without parents.
People who need people. Guys
who go into the woods, beat
drums and bond. Get a shrink.
Hug a friend. Hug yourself.
He stops, realizing that everyone in the room is staring at him. Quickly they pretend they weren’t paying attention. Someone whispers something to a client.
SAM
(continued)
Don’t mind him. He’s the guy
who just lost his wife.
(beat)
What I really think is we need
a change.
ROB
Good idea. Take a few weeks
off, get some sun, take Jonah
fishing —
SAM
(shaking his head no)
A real change. New city.
Someplace where every time I go
around a corner I don’t think
of Maggie.
And hold on Sam for a moment and–
DISSOLVE:
EXT. WRIGLEY FIELD – DAY
Sam, Jonah and Maggie walking toward the field. It’s a gorgeous day for a game. They high-five each other.
ROB (V.O.)
Where you going to go?
And cut back to:
INT. SAM’S OFFICE – DAY
As Sam snaps out of it.
SAM
I was thinking about Seattle.
Note: 3rd page: Twist-Sam is moving to Seattle.
INT. CHICAGO TRIBUNE – DAY
The Living Section of the paper. Annie is blowing her nose as she finishes telling her tale of woe to her boss, LAURIE JOHNSON.
LAURIE
Honey, he wasn’t right for you.
ANNIE
(blowing her nose)
I know.
LAURIE
He wasn’t even wrong for you,
like cosmically wrong, so don’t
beat up on yourself for
wasting…however long it was.
ANNIE
I know.
(blowing her nose
again)
She pours Annie a cup of hot water. Annie pulls a teabag out of her pocket, puts it into the water.
LAURIE
Maybe you should see a shrink.
ANNIE
I want my money.
LAURIE
Go home for the weekend.
ANNIE
(after a beat)
That’s what I’m going to do.
I’m going to go home.
(she thinks about it)
I quit. Laurie, I quit. I’m
going back to Baltimore.
(she’s giddy)
How does a blonde do a high-
five?
She smacks herself in the head.
Note: Another twist. Annie is moving to Baltimore
CUT TO:
O’HARE AIRPORT – DAY
The X where walkway K crosses with walkway L. Coming down walkway K are Sam, Jonah, Suzy, Greg, their son MACK, and several other friends.
And coming down walkway L is Annie with Laurie and a couple of FRIENDS from the paper, JUDITH and DIANE.
They pass each other going in diagonal directions and continue on.
Note: Inciting incident. Sam is leaving Chicago to move to Seattle. Annie is leaving Chicago to move to Baltimore. Although they are moving away from each other, the fact that we saw them cross paths at the airport tell us that the movie is about these two characters and they’re probably going to end up together.
We stay with Sam’s group:
JONAH
(to Mack)
Dad says I’m going to get used
to it, but I don’t think you
can ever get used to a
designated hitter.
overlap:
SUZY
(to Sam)
Eventually, in a few months,
you’ll start seeing women,
you’ll meet someone.
SAM
Move on. Right. That’s what
I’m going to do. In a few
months, boom, I’ll be fine,
I’ll just grow a new heart.
SUZY
I’m sorry —
GREG
Sam, she didn’t mean —
Sam is shaking his head no as they reach the gate for the Seattle plane.
SAM
I know, I know.
(emphatic)
Look, it doesn’t happen twice.
CUT TO:
Annie’s group, as they approach the gate for the Baltimore plane.
ANNIE
I’m going to meet someone,
someone nice and stable who
wears a hat so he won’t catch a
cold, and I’m going to marry
him and have three children
and live happily ever after.
I mean, I am not cut out for this
—
DIANE
For what?
ANNIE
For life as we know it.
LAURIE
Just make sure he isn’t fat
like my Michael or you’ll spend
your whole life worrying he’s
going to drop dead.
JUDITH
God, you guys are so romantic.
ANNIE
Do you know how long romance
lasts?
(she snaps her fingers)
That long.
DIANE
Steven still brings me flowers
every Friday and we’ve been
married 10 years.
LAURIE
(to Diane)
Honey, nobody wants to hear
that.
(to Annie)
Here, darling, have some Tic
Tacs.
Kissing everyone. Annie starts toward the plane, loaded with stuff.
ANNIE
The next time you see me I am
going to be incredibly happy.
INT. PLANE – NIGHT
Sam and Jonah sitting together as the plane waits on the runway. He notices his father’s distractedness, reaches over and takes his hand. Sam comes back into focus.
SAM
I’m your dad. Don’t ever
forget that. That’s rule
number two.
(beat)
It’s you and me, kid.
INT. PLANE – NIGHT
Annie sitting by herself as the plane waits on the runway.
ANNIE
(to herself)
I guess it’s just us.
She gulps.
EXT. O’HARA AIRPORT – NIGHT
The two planes face in opposite directions, waiting for instructions.
And now they both start to take off. In opposite directions.
And we pull back back back back as the planes take off, one flying east, the other flying west.
And further and further back as they soar into the air and leave the frame.
The night sky.
Stars twinkle.
And now tilt down to see the United States. It looks like a cross between a satellite photo and a drawing by Saul Steinberg.
A light goes on in Baltimore.
A light goes on in Seattle.
They are the only lights on the map.
Note: The fact that the map only lights up in Seattle and Baltimore tells us that the movie is definitely about Sam and Annie. We now know that we are going to follow these two throughout the movie.
-
Amy’s Completed Third Act
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…
I’ve just been digging into the lessons from this module more. What I’ve learned about what makes a great ending has caused me to change fundamental aspects of my story, so I now need to rewrite everything. The new version of my story has holes in it, but I have been wrestling with it for a few days now and have decided to just put what I have here and ask for feedback. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
SETUP: Andrea is the noon news anchor at the local TV station. Her dream is to anchor the network news. She pursues this like her life depends on it because to her, it determines her worth. Truthfully, she doesn’t actually enjoy covering hard-hitting news, but she’s in denial about that. She is married to Josh and has two kids, Benjamin and Chloe, but she is neglectful towards them because she is so focused on her career.
One day she goes to cover the new supercollider at the local university. She accidentally gets sucked into the machine and ends up traveling through time and visiting different memorable points in her life. When she eventually comes of the machine it’s a year into the future and she has been missing from her life for a year. The woman that Josh hired to be the kids’ nanny, Meagan, has taken over her life and is now engaged to Josh. Andrea isn’t that concerned about her family but distraught that she no longer has a career. After some begging, Andrea’s old boss agrees to hire her back.
Josh drops Meagan like a hot potato and tries to pick up where he and Andrea left off. He pursues her for a while, but gets tired of being rejected and decides he’s going back to Meagan. Once Andrea realizes what’s she lost, she starts to think twice about her priorities. Now she has to compete with Meagan for Josh’s attention. She also starts making an effort with her children, although she’s not doing a very good job because she’s still torn between them and her career.
While all of this other stuff is going on, Andrea is pressing the professor for information about the machine and whether Meagan knew that it was capable of time travel. She also pressures him to help her go back to the time period she came from so she can get her career back.
2. PLOT POINT 2 — Andrea gets a chance to cover the President’s visit to town for the network on the same night as Chloe’s dance recital.
3. CRISIS — Chloe refuses to dance at her recital unless her mom is there.
4. CLIMAX — On her way to cover the president, Andrea diverts to Chloe’s dance recital and covers that instead. She gets fired by WBEN. Choosing her family over her job causes Andrea to go back to the time period she came from a year ago.
5. RESOLUTION — Andrea shows back up at the lab. She goes home immediately to apologize to Josh and Chloe and Benjamin for not being more involved in their lives. That night she convinces the station to let her cover Chloe’s play at the middle school.
6. FINAL PAGE — Andrea is at Benjamin’s baseball game when she gets a call from the network saying they saw her story on the play and want to hire her as their cultural reporter. She happily accepts.
7. FINAL LINE/IMAGE — Andrea confesses to Josh that she’s not sorry she wasn’t hired by the network to anchor the news because she never really cared about the news anyway. The new job is perfect for her. It will give her more time to focus on her family. They kiss.
-
Amy’s Amazing Final Line!
What I learned doing this assignment is the final line and image are very important to the whole screenplay.
Select the best final line/image and write the final scene: Directly answer the main questions the entire movie is about.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea sits at her desk. The newsroom is a beehive of activity. The President is coming to town.
Tom frantically runs out of his office and up to Andrea’s desk.
TOM
ANDREA! Julia just fainted. She’s on her way to the hospital. Can you go cover the rally? The network is picking up our broadcast. I need someone who knows what they’re doing.
Andrea considers this for a moment, then stands up and grabs her purse.
ANDREA
Do you know who could handle this just as well as me?
Tom scrunches up his forehead in confusion.
TOM
Who?
ANDREA
Joannie.
Tom is taken aback.
TOM
Seriously?
ANDREA
Yes. Totally.
Andrea walks out of the newsroom as Tom watches her, his jaw on the floor.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – LATER
Andrea, Josh and Chloe sit in the stands. Benjamin is on the pitcher’s mound.
He throws a fastball to the hitter.
UMPIRE
ST-RIKE THREE!
Andrea, Josh, Chloe and everyone around them go crazy. That’s the last out. The game is won.
CHLOE
Go, Benjamin!
Andrea looks at Josh. He catches her looking at him. Their eyes lock.
JOSH
This is what it’s all about.
(a beat)
Are you wishing you were doing the live?
Andrea thinks for a moment.
ANDREA
No. I’m right where I want to be.
They kiss.
FADE OUT.
-
Amy’s final page!
What I learned doing this assignment is by focusing on using one of these last pages I can give my story a more satisfying ending.
A. The Setup / Payoff final page: Andrea is setup as a local celebrity. In the end she uses that celebrity to convince everyone that Meagan is guilty of stealing her family and starting the fire at the lab.
B. The Contrast final page: Andrea is back in the present and everything is the same as it was at the beginning of the movie. She is devasted. The network job is gone. She goes to her son’s baseball game. While there, she gets a call that the network is interested in her.
C. The Climax/Resolution final page: Andrea comes back out of the supercollider and realizes she’s back in the present. She’s panicked that everything that just happened has been erased, but once she goes home to her family, she realizes the present and the future have merged.
D. The “Something good is going to come out of this mess” final page: Andrea is back in the present and everything is the same as it was at the beginning of the movie. She is devasted, but when her boss gives her a chance to do a report for the network, she chooses instead to go to her son’s playoff game giving us hope that she won’t lose her family.
E. The “One last gesture” final page: The network wants someone from WBEN to cover a story for them. Andrea chooses her family over her job. She gives the story to Joannie and goes to Benjamin’s’ baseball game.
F. The Shock final page: Andrea tells Meagan she can have Josh and be a mother to her kids. She’s going to concentrate on her career.
2. Choose your favorite: E. The “One last gesture” final page: The network wants someone from WBEN to cover a story for them. Andrea chooses her family over her job. She gives the story to Joannie and goes to Benjamin’s’ baseball game.
Final page:
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea sits at her desk. The newsrooms is a beehive of activity. The President is coming to town.
Tom frantically runs out of his office and up to Andrea’s desk.
TOM
ANDREA! Julia just fainted. She’s on her way to the hospital. Can you go cover the rally? The network is picking up our broadcast. I need someone who knows what they’re doing.
Andrea considers this for a moment, then stands up and grabs her purse.
ANDREA
Do you know who could handle this just as well as me?
Tom scrunches up his forehead in confusion.
TOM
Who?
ANDREA
Joannie.
Tom is taken aback.
TOM
Seriously?
ANDREA
Yes. Totally.
Andrea walks out of the newsroom as Tom watchers her, his jaw on the floor.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – LATER
Andrea, Josh and Chloe sit in the stands. Benjamin is on the pitcher’s mound.
He throws a fast ball to the hitter.
UMPIRE
ST-RIKE THREE!
Andrea, Josh, Chloe and everyone around them go crazy. That’s the last out. The game is won.
CHLOE
Go Benjamin!
Andrea looks at Josh. He catches her looking him. Their eyes lock, then they kiss.
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Amy’s Rules!
What I learned doing this assignment is that if you wrap the story up too early, then the audience will lose interest before they get to the end of the movie.
Fulfill the last three rules of Great Endings in the following methods:
RULE 5: I don’t have any of the 3<sup>rd</sup> act written yet, but looking at my outline, having Andrea show up with the police and the news camera and Meagan being immediately taken into custody is too on-the-nose.
RULE 6. The climax of the movie must be set in the quintessential
location for the conflict.
Right now, the climax it set at Chloe’s dance recital. Since the main conflict is Andrea having to choose between her family and her job and Meagan is at the dance recital and also now part of the news story that Andrea is covering, I really can’t think of another location that would work.
RULE 7. Must keep us guessing to the very end.
Tell us at least three things you’ll do to keep us guessing to the end.
1. The professor says he saw Meagan leaving the building just before the fire started, but when the police show up to the dance recital to question Meagan, Meagan’s friend Karen gives her an alibi saying that she was at the school all afternoon.
2. Andrea signs off the air risking her job and wins her family back from Meagan, but as soon as she does, she’s transported back to a year ago and everything is the same as it was at the start of the movie.
3. Back in the present, Andrea is offered a chance to go live with the network on the night of Benjamin’s playoff game.
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Amy’s Powerful Setups
What I learned doing this assignment is there are lots of things you can do to set up your ending to be more meaningful.
Write the setups for your ending using these steps:
1. Looking at your current ending, generate ideas on how you can set it up
powerfully using each of these techniques. Try to come up with at least
one setup for each of the techniques below.
A. Build their Reputation
People recognize Andrea when she goes out in public. She is a local celebrity.
B. Justification for the final actions
Meagan stole Andrea’s family while she was missing
C. Cast doubt on the success of the final actions
Meagan is a far better mom and partner to Josh than Andrea ever was because she has always been so focused on her career.
D. Discuss the final actions openly
The professor and Andrea discuss catching up with Meagan and making her pay for what she’s done.
E. Twists that take it away
When it looks like Meagan has been cornered for the fire at the lab, Karen comes forward and says that Meagan has been at the school getting ready for the dance recital since early afternoon.
F. Alternate Hope/fear
Andrea gets a chance to show off to the network, but it’s the same night as Chloe’s dance recital. It appears that Andrea has Meagan backed into a corner, but one of Meagan’s friends gives her an alibi. Andrea does show up to Chloe’s dance recital, but she’s not there for Chloe-she’s still working.
G. Create and pay off emotional setups
Josh woos Andrea throughout the story. She finally chooses him over her job. Andrea’s kids have been trying to get her attention the whole time. She gives up her chance at working for the network to attend Chloe’s dance recital.
H. Suspense around the outcome
The dance recital is about to start and Andrea is not there. It looks likes she’s chosen work…again. Chloe declares that’s she has given up on her mother.
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Amy’s Kick Ass endings!
What I learned doing this assignment is…
Wow! I really had some breakthroughs about my story by doing this assignment. I feel like I could use a couple of these in the same ending.
In the Ultimate Confrontation, Andrea and Meagan would fight for Josh and the kids at Chloe’s dance recital. I don’t know exactly how this would play out. The way I outlined it, Chloe needs someone to come to rescue her from her bully. Maybe that could be the competition between Meagan and Andrea.
For Return Home, Only it is Different, I could have Andrea return completely back to the year she left (instead of having the two timelines merge) and she would have a new appreciation for Josh and the kids and would order her priorities differently and would have to win them back all over again.
For End with a Future, I could have Andrea find out in the last scene that she is being offered a position at the network.
For Major Layer Uncovered, I could reveal that Andrea had a terrible childhood and that has caused her reluctance to commit to Josh and the kids 100%, but now that she has faced the fear of confronting her painful past, she is able to love her family fully.
For Good Guy Wins after Much Pain and Risk, I could raise the stakes in the competition between Andrea and Meagan throughout the script, have her actually lose everything because she is so hyperfocused on her career, realize how important her family truly is to her and then have to really fight to get them back.
For Great Protagonist Strategy, I would have Andrea go through a series of steps that cause Meagan to inadvertently reveal her true colors.
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Amy’s Three Endings
What I learned doing this assignment is the ending that I had planned all along for my story I thought was an up ending, but it’s actually an ironic ending. I think the different endings are supposed to change the story, so I might need to look at this again as I didn’t really have any breakthroughs about my story.
Up Ending
Beginning of 3rd Act: Josh has just told Andrea that he is going through with his marriage to Meagan. The kids have basically given up on her because she’s never there for them. There is a fire at the lab where the supercollider is. Andrea’s boss wants her to go cover it. She’ll also be going live with the network. This is her chance to prove herself to the network.
Twists: Andrea had planned to go to Chloe’s dance recital.
Crisis: Andrea’s boss threatens to fire her if she doesn’t cover the fire, Chloe needs her at her dance recital.
Climax: Andrea goes to the fire at first, but when the professor says he saw Meagan exit the building just before the fire, she takes the story to Chloe’s dance recital where Meagan is. She proves to Josh that Meagan is no good and wins him back. She does her story and signs off and then gets a call after the dance recital that the network is interested in hiring her.
Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both: Andrea gets both the network job and her family back.
Down Ending
Beginning of 3rd Act: There is a fire at the lab where the supercollider is. Andrea’s boss wants her to go cover it. She’ll also be going live with the network. This is her chance to prove to herself to the network.
Twists: Andrea had planned to go to Chloe’s dance recital.
Climax: Andrea chooses to go to the fire, but when the professor tells the police he saw Meagan in the building before the fire started, she decides to take the cameras to where Meagan is, at the dance recital. At the dance recital, Andrea causes a big scene with the cops taking Meagan in for questioning and the news camera rolling. Andrea announces on air that she is signing off to watch Chloe’s dance recital. Not only does she not get hired by the network, but she also gets fired by the local station. Josh is mad that Andrea ruined Chloe’s dance recital and tells her they are through for good.
Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both: Andrea didn’t get the network job and she didn’t get Josh back.
Ironic ending
Beginning of 3rd Act: There is fire at the lab where the supercollider is. Andrea’s boss wants her to go cover it. She’ll also be going live with the network. This is her chance to prove herself to the network.
Twists: Andrea had planned to go to Chloe’s dance recital.
Climax: Andrea goes to the fire. The professor identifies Meagan as having been in the building before the fire started. Andrea shows up at Chloe’s dance recital with the police, cameras rolling. The police take Meagan in for questioning in front of everybody. Andrea announces on air that she is signing off the watch her daughter’s dance recital.
Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both: Andrea gives up her goal but gets her need.
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Amy’s 3rd Act Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is that even though my ending my not have been great already, I can make it better and go back and change the rest of the script to match.
1. What is it that fascinates you about this story? Being torn between family obligations and a career
2. What is the main conflict of the story? Andrea finds her identity in her career, but she is sacrificing her family in the process.
3. What is the main goal/need of your protagonist? Goal: To become a network anchor. Need: To realize that she is enough.
4. What is the character arc of your main characters? Andrea goes from being selfish and focused on her career to being focused on her family and putting them first.
5. How do you want this movie to end? With Andre and Josh back together and Andrea deciding that she is going to put her family over her career.
B. Give a short description of how each of these structural steps
will occur in your script.
1. PLOT POINT 2 – Andrea is given a chance to show her stuff to the network through a national breaking news story, but it’s all happening at the same time as her daughter, Chloe’s dance recital.
2. CRISIS – Something happens before the dance recital. Chloe needs Andrea.
3. CLIMAX –Andrea exposes Meagan (she started the fire at the lab) on air. She then proclaims that she’s signing off to watch her daughter’s dance recital causing chaos at the TV station and the network. She doesn’t get the network anchor job, but she gets her family back. Josh realizes that Andrea was right about Meagan all along.
4. RESOLUTION – Andrea shows back up at the lab back to present day. She realizes that the present and the future have merged and that her relationship with Josh and her kids are the same as she left them in the future.
5. FINAL PAGE – At Benjamin’s baseball games, he gets to pitch and strikes the hitter out. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
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Amy’s Great Ending
What I learned doing this assignment is that strong setups and payoffs make for a satisfactory movie watching experience.
MOVIE: The Santa Clause 3
BASIC STORY UP TO THE 3RD ACT: Santa, Scott Calvin is overworked as his wife, Mrs. Clause is about to deliver a baby. On top of that Jack Frost is making trouble because he wants his own holiday and is trying usurp Christmas from Santa. The Council of Legendary Figures meets and it’s decided that Jack will do “community service” at the North Pole.
Jack takes this opportunity to do a number of dastardly deeds that wreak havoc on Santa’s workshop and basically shuts it down.
Meanwhile, Mrs. Claus, Carol, is insisting that Santa not work so hard and spend time with her and her family. She convinces him to help her put the tree topper on the Christmas tree. Unbeknownst to anyone, Jack has unscrewed one of the bolts holding the Christmas tree in the Christmas tree stand. When Santa goes to the put the topper on, the tree goes crashing to the ground and the glass topper breaks.
Carol is in tears. Scott and Carols parents exchange terse words, and even Carol declares that maybe she shouldn’t be there. At this point, Jack ushers Scott out to the balcony where he presents him with his snow globe and tricks him into saying he wishes he’d never been Santa at all.
All of the sudden, magically both Scott and Jack are taken back to 12 years earlier when Scott first put on Santa’s coat. Jack manages to keep Scott from putting on the coat and puts it on himself. Now he is Santa.
Scott appears in his office, surprised to find that he and his assistant are working on Christmas Eve. He goes to visit his ex-wife only to discover that she’s divorced from her second husband and he and their daughter are at the North Pole, which Jack has turned into a theme park.
3rd ACT TURNING POINT: Scott takes a flight to the North Pole and sees the damage that Jack has done by turning it into a theme park.
TWIST: Neal and Lucy are at the North Pole, but Neal blames Scott for his divorce and Lucy has no interest in talking to Scott.
CRISIS: Scott sits hopelessly in the audience and watches Jack put on a Broadway type show as Santa while visitors clap and cheer.
CLIMAX: Scott gets an idea. He enlists Lucy’s help to go get Jack’s snow globe from the Hall of Snow Globes. Scott makes a scene so she can make her escape. Later he comes swinging onto to the stage on a rope and knocks Jack to the ground. Right on time, Lucy shows up with Jack’s snow globe. She tosses it in the air. Jack catches it and declares that he’ll never say “it” (I wish I’d never been Santa), but earlier Scott had recorded Jack saying exactly that on one of the souvenir pens that records sounds. Again, it’s a magical scene as Jack and Scott are transformed back to 12 years earlier in front of Scott’s house. This time, Scott is able to keep Jack from interfering and Scott Calvin from 12 years ago puts on the coat. Jack disappear and so does Scott.
RESOLUTION: Scott is back at the North Pole as Santa. He finds Carol and apologizes and makes up with her family. Scott decides in that moment to tell Carol’s parents that he’s Santa. Later in the workshop, Jack is brought in by the elf police officers and has to answer for what he’s done. Scott asks him to unfreeze Lucy’s parents, but he says he can’t do that unless he unfreezes himself. Scott and Lucy exchange knowing looks. She asks him if he thinks it will work. She then goes over and hugs Jack unfreezing his heart. Once this happens, then her parents are unfrozen too.
FINAL SCENE: Carol is teaching the elves. Scott comes in with their new baby boy in a baby carrier. They reveal that they named him Buddy, after Carol’s father.
SETUPS IN FIRST TWO ACTS:
OPEN: The elves and Santa rush Carol into the delivery room, but it’s a false alarm.
SETUP: Santa is stressed out and overworked. On top of that, Mrs. Claus is about to deliver their baby and the baby is overdue.
SETUP: Jack Frost is called to a meeting of the Council of Legendary Figures for trying to steal Christmas from Santa. He is put on community service duty at Santa’s workshop.
SETUP: At the beginning of the movie, Lucy gives Santa (Scott) a big hug and he proclaims that her hugs are the warmest hugs and that they are magical. Later, in the second act, Scott again makes reference to Lucy’s magical hugs when he gives her her own snowglobe. In the snowglobe, she hugs a snowman and the snowman turns pink.
Setup: Lucy loves snow globes. She has a collection of them. Once Lucy gets to the North Pole, Scott shows her the Hall of Snow Globes. Jack secretly trails behind them and gets access to the Hall of Snow Globes. Lucy finds him there and alerts her parents. Her parents come running up the stairs. Jack freezes them and locks them and Lucy in the closet. It is because of Lucy’s snow globes that Scott is able to persuade her to help him retrieve Jack’s snow globe in the 3<sup>rd</sup> act.
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Amy’s Kick-Ass Dialogue!
What I learned doing this assignment is that you can make a scene that would be boring otherwise interesting by using the dialogue techniques we learned.
Andrea
Well-spoken
Image conscience
Playful
Competitive
Josh
inquisitive
Honest to a fault
Dad jokes
Self-censoring
Setup: Andrea has just come back from time travel. She was only gone long enough to see various things from her past, but when she came back, she came back one year into the future. This conversation is the first time that her and her husband, Josh have been alone together since she disappeared.
INT. – RESTAURANT – DAY
Andrea and Josh sit at a quiet, dimly-lit table in the corner of the restaurant. Andrea fidgets with her napkin. Josh stares at Andrea.
JOSH
I can’t believe it’s you, sitting right here in front of me.
ANDREA
Must be your lucky day.
Andrea waves to a LADY across the room who is staring at her with her jaw on the floor.
JOSH
What was it like?
ANDREA
Like watching your life flash before your eyes, literally.
JOSH
Do you remember Seth from the art museum?
ANDREA
I was only gone for a couple of hours. What about us, I mean now that I’m back?
JOSH
It was a whole year for us. Do you know that Seth was the one that stole the painting from the museum?
ANDREA
I mean you just don’t throw away sixteen years of marriage.
JOSH
He did it to get on the news, to get your attention! I really missed you.
ANDREA
It’s just not fair. If it hadn’t of been for that stupid machine, this never would have happened. Are you still going to marry Meagan?
JOSH
We arrested him, you know. For the theft and defrauding the police.
ANDREA
What about the kids? I’m their mother.
JOSH
Needless to say, he doesn’t work at the museum anymore. What parts of your life did you see?
ANDREA
JOSH! I don’t care about any of that! I want you to take me back! Forget about Meagan. I’m your wife.
Josh looks down and doesn’t speak for a long second.
JOSH
What about the kids, Andrea? Are you going to be a real mom to them now?
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Amy’s Colorful Dialogue
What I learned doing this assignment is that writing colorful dialogue seems hard at first, but it can be fun once you get started.
Setup: Earlier in the story, Andrea interviewed Seth live on the air about a stolen painting at the art museum. During the interview, Seth professed his love for Andrea and started singing to her. Andrea pointed out to him that she is married and he is working with her husband, the detective to solve the mystery of the missing painting. Joannie is an assistant in the newsroom, and Mark is Andrea’s cameraman.
INT. – ART MUSEUM – LATER
Andrea, Joannie and Mark wait in the lobby. Andrea paces back and forth.
Seth appears.
SETH
Andrea!
ANDREA
Uh, Mr. Meyers. Hi.
Andrea looks over at Joannie nervously.
ANDREA
Any developments since we talked?
SETH
Actually-
SECURITY GUARD (O.S.)
Mr. Meyers?
Everyone turns to look at the security guard. Standing with him is JOSH RICHARDS, Andrea’s husband, dressed in a suit and tie, very business-like, but with jovial eyes.
Andrea rushes to him and kisses him on the lips.
ANDREA
Honey! You’re here.
He smiles at her, but then back to business.
JOSH
Hi, everyone. Mr. Meyers. I came to ask you a few more questions.
He looks at Andrea
JOSH
Do you mind?
ANDREA
No. Go ahead.
SETH
Detective Richards, the asker of questions. We meet again.
Seth puffs his chest out and walks toward Josh.
JOSH
I really need to see the video from your surveillance cameras if you want me to solve this B&E.
SETH
I know what B&E means. Your detective codes don’t fool me.
JOSH
I wasn’t trying to fool you. I’m trying to help you.
SETH
I know you saw the live report this morning. You’re here to fight me, aren’t you?
JOSH
What?
Josh looks at Andrea. She makes circles around her ear to indicate that Seth is crazy. Josh seems to understand.
JOSH
Mr. Meyers. I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I’m not here to fight you. I just want the video. How ‘bout it?
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Amy’s Subtext Pointers
What I learned doing this assignment is you can approach this by having the characters not say what they actually mean and the subtext pointers come out naturally.
INT. ICE CREAM SHOP – NIGHT
Andrea and Chloe sit at a cute cafe table both with huge jars filled with ice cream in front of them.
ANDREA
Wow! I don’t know if I can eat all this.
CHLOE
You can do it. You can do anything. That you care about.
Andrea is stunned.
ANDREA
What’s that supposed to mean?
Chloe rolls her eyes.
CHLOE
Nothing.
ANDREA
How was school today?
CHLOE
Do you really want to know?
Andrea looks confused, but then SOMEONE recognizes her and her attention is diverted.
ANDREA
(not looking at Chloe)
Of course, I do.
Chloe stares at her mom and shakes her head in disbelief.
CHLOE
Mom! Someone threatened me today.
This gets Andrea’s attention.
ANDREA
What? Do they know who you are? Who was it?
CHLOE
A girl in my drama class. Oh, she knows, and that’s why she hates me.
ANDREA
That’s absurd. Everyone wants to be the friend of the girl whose mom is on TV.
CHLOE
This isn’t about you, Mom.
ANDREA
Oh, I know. Just be nice to her. She’ll come around.
Chloe cuts her eyes at her mom.
CHLOE
Thanks. That’s so helpful.
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Amy’s Cover-ups
What I learned doing this assignment is I really enjoy the creativity of coming up with a bunch of different possible responses.
Scene:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY – 2012
Andrea lies in bed holding her newborn son, Josh by her side beaming.
2022 Andrea appears. Once she realizes where she is, her hands cover her mouth and she begins to tear up again.
2012 ANDREA
He’s perfect.
JOSH
Yes, he is. What are we going to name him?
2012 ANDREA
Well, we both seem to like Benjamin.
JOSH
Benjamin it is.
Josh pats Benjamin’s head and smiles.
JOSH
Uh, Andrea, now that we have a little one, maybe you should stay home.
Andrea jerks her head around to stare at Josh.
JOSH
For now. You know, to focus on the baby. I mean I know you have maternity leave, but past that.
METHODS OF COVER-UP:
Silence: Person doesn’t answer when they should-Andrea just looks down at Benjamin and smiles.
Action incongruent with words-Andrea abruptly hands the baby to Josh. “I’ll be a good mom to Benjamin. Don’t worry.”
Change subject-Andrea turns back to the baby. “I think he looks like me, don’t you?”
Question them-“Are you suggesting that I quit my job and be a… stay-at-home mom? Is that what you’re suggesting?
Attack back-“Why don’t you quite your job and stay home with the baby?
Complement them-“You’re going to be such a good daddy. I know you just want what’s best for the baby, but I need my career.
Threaten them-“Don’t you dare suggest that I quit my job and be a… stay-at-home mom!
Confirm something they already believe whether it’s true or not-“I guess you think I should just quit my job and be a stay-at-home mom.”
Misdirection: Do or say something that sends their mind in a
different direction-“We should call your parents and tell them that we named the baby.”
Inappropriate reaction to an emotional event-Andrea starts laughing hysterically.
Distraction-“Oh! Was that the doctor that just walked by? Can you go get him? I need to ask him a question.
Make a joke of it-“That won’t be necessary. By the time my maternity leave is up, we’ll just have him go out and get a job and take care of himself.”
Continue the conversation as if nothing happened-“What name should we use for his middle name?”
Chosen response:
Complement them-“You’re going to be such a good daddy. I know you just want what’s best for the baby, but I need my career.
Scene with chosen response:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY – 2012
Andrea lies in bed holding her newborn son, Josh by her side beaming.
2022 Andrea appears. Once she realizes where she is, her hands cover her mouth and she begins to tear up again.
2012 ANDREA
He’s perfect.
JOSH
Yes, he is. What are we going to name him?
2012 ANDREA
Well, we both seem to like Benjamin.
JOSH
Benjamin it is.
Josh pats Benjamin’s head and smiles.
JOSH
Uh, Andrea, now that we have a little one, maybe you should stay home.
Andrea jerks her head around to stare at Josh.
JOSH
For now. You know, to focus on the baby. I mean I know you have maternity leave, but past that.
Andrea looks back down at Benjamin
ANDREA
You’re going to be such a good daddy. I know you just want what’s best for the baby, but I need my career.
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Amy’s Dialogue Structures
What I learned doing this assignment is using dialogue structures makes a scene a lot more interesting.
EXT. – POOL – DAY
Chloe stands at the edge of the pool looking tentatively into the water. Josh stands next to her pleading with her with his eyes. Meagan is watching from a distance.
ANNOUNCER
Swimmers on your mark.
JOSH
Come on, honey. Look, your mom may not be here, but this nice lady is. She’s going to be spending a lot of time with us from now on. She’ll be kind of like a mom.
CHLOE
I just feel like mom doesn’t care.
Chloe begins to cry.
JOSH
Come on, honey. You can’t spend your life standing on the edge of the pool waiting for someone to show up.
CHLOE
This is important to me. I thought that would make it important to her too.
JOSH
You’ve got to just jump in and start swimming. Or you’ll never get to the other side.
CHLOE
I don’t know if I can. She’s really hurt my feelings.
MEAGAN (O.S.)
Go, Chloe!
JOSH
See, Meagan is cheering for you. Come on, honey. Just do it.
ANNOUNCER
Okay, swimmers. On your mark.
Chloe tentatively gets into position.
ANNOUNCER
Get set. In 3-2-1
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Amy’s Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned doing this assignment is by writing anticipatory dialogue you can also create subtext.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY – 2001
It’s many years in the past and a younger Andrea can be seen sitting at a desk staring at a computer.
2022 Andrea appears seemingly out of nowhere, disoriented.
She looks around, confused.
A younger Tom walks from his office, spots one of his reporters, Julia Reese.
TOM
Julia, they found a body down by the creek. I need you to go cover it. It might be the missing girl.
Younger Andrea jumps out of her seat.
YOUNG ANDREA
Oh, Julia, can I come with you, please?
JULIA
All right, kid, but don’t try anything. This is my story.
EXT. WOODS – DAY
Younger Andrea walks alongside Julia and a CAMERAMAN.
2022 Andrea follows behind.
They come upon a search team. Julia motions the cameraman over.
JULIA
Hello, officer. I’m Julia Reese, WBEN. Can you tell us what’s going on here. Have you found the missing girl?
OFFICER
I know who you are. This is one officer you can’t push around. I’m not telling you anything I haven’t told anybody else.
YOUNG ANDREA
Uh, officer. Will you tell me?
Young Andrea sticks her hand out. The officer takes it reluctantly.
YOUNG ANDREA
Andrea Waldman.
JULIA
Intern.
OFFICER
Hi, Andrea. What do YOU want to know?
YOUNG ANDREA
Do you believe this to be the body of thirteen-year-old Deliah Simmons who’s been missing for two weeks?
The officer hesitates, then leans in towards Andrea. The cameraman is recording. Julia watches intently.
OFFICER
Yes. I believe this is a thirteen-year-old girl. Unfortunately.
Julia fumes.
JULIA
Now you’ve done it, intern. I’ll make sure you get exactly what you deserve.
Young Andrea looks at Julia nervously. 2022 Andrea smirks.
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Amy’s Contrast Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is this is a good way to add comedy to your story. It’s also a good way to reveal character.
INT. – CHURCH – DAY
SUPER: 2006
A wedding ceremony. The bride and groom stand at the front facing the pastor.
The doors to the church open and 2022 Andrea appears. Her lips quiver and a tear rolls down her cheek. It’s her wedding day.
PASTOR
I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Joshua Richards.
2006 Andrea and Josh kiss.
APPLAUSE
Andrea and Josh make their way down the aisle.
ANDREA
This is like TV, only I can see the viewers. I would be a good talk show host, don’t you think.
JOSH
You’d be great, honey. The camera loves you.
Both Andrea and Josh smile and wave to their guests as they continue down the aisle.
ANDREA
I know what I’d call my show. Afternoons with Andrea.
JOSH
No. You need a more serious title to go with the hard-hitting stories.
ANDREA
No. I’ll only be doing lighthearted topics.
JOSH
Really? I thought you’d want a more newsy show, you know, where you can interview your husband, the detective.
ANDREA
Nope. Sorry, my dear. It’s going to be a lifestyle show.
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Amy’s World View scene
What I learned doing this assignment is assigning characters a worldview makes them a lot more interesting and probably more desirable to actors.
Character Name: Andrea
World View: The top is the only acceptable place for me
Life Metaphor: I’m royalty
Local fame
Rules and Strategies: Do what you have to do to get what you want.
Justifications: I deserve the best.
Character Name: Meagan
World View: People are for using
Life Metaphor: I’m a victim
Rules and Strategies: It’s okay to lie and cheat to win.
Justifications: She’s a widow. Even from childhood, life hasn’t been kind to her.
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea positions herself beside the supercollider readying herself to be on camera. Dr. Smitty is standing to her left.
Mark points his camera at her.
MEAGAN (O.S.)
Wait! You can’t start without me.
DR. SMITTY
Meagan, you’re late.
MEAGAN
The traffic was terrible. This mean guy in a Toyota wouldn’t let me merge. This always happens to me.
ANDREA
Meagan? The teacher’s assistant at the university. You’re the one my husband hired as a nanny.
Meagan plasters on a fake smile.
MEAGAN
Yes. We met at the dedication ceremony. I just couldn’t miss you being here today.
DR. SMITTY
Shall we get started?
ANDREA
Yes. Let’s get started. Mark, are you ready?
MARK
Ready in 3-2-
Mark points at Andrea.
ANDREA
I’m here with Dr. Smitty and-
MEAGAN
Wait! Why don’t we turn the machine on?
DR. SMITTY
That’s not advisable.
ANDREA
Actually, Dr. Smitty, I think that’s a great idea. Show the folks at home what it looks like in action.
DR. SMITTY
You don’t understand. That’s very dangerous.
ANDREA
But I’m Andrea Richards.
Andrea checks her reflection in the camera.
ANDREA
The whole town will be watching this.
DR. SMITTY
No. I just can’t.
MEAGAN
Dr. Smitty. Don’t you want to impress those scientists at Harvard who doubted you? You built this. Show them what this baby can do.
Dr. Smitty ponders what Meagan has just said, hesitates, then finds his resolve.
DR. SMITTY
All right. I’ll turn it on.
Dr. Smitty leans across Andrea and located a large switch. He pushes it up and the machine whirs to life.
ANDREA
Great! Let’s begin again.
Mark cues Andrea to begin speaking.
ANDREA
I’m Andrea Richards with WBEN and-
MEAGAN
Wait!
Dr. Smitty rolls his eyes, exasperated.
DR. SMITTY
What now?
MEAGAN
Maybe Andrea should stand closer to the machine, you know, for impact.
Then two things happen at once. Andrea takes one step to her right closer to the machine as Dr. Smitty grabs her arm to pull her back, but…
It’s too late.
SWOOSH
Andrea gets sucked into the machine and disappears.
-
Amy’s Character Traits Live!
What I learned doing this assignment is it’s hard to express your character’s traits if you don’t have a good handle on who they are.
Andrea
Well-spoken
Image conscience
Playful
Competitive
Josh
inquisitive
Honest to a fault
Dad jokes
Self-censoring
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
SUPER: 2004
POV 2022 Andrea
Josh stands behind the podium. He’s confident but reserved.
Andrea sits among the other news reporters with her CAMERMAN. Her eyes are glued on Josh and she’s in a dreamy state.
JOSH
So we’ve identified the clown killer, but for obvious reasons, we won’t be revealing his identity. This is no joke. We don’t want to give this… depraved person anymore attention.
Andrea’s hand shoots up. She motions her cameraman to stand up with her and makes sure the camera is on her.
Josh is taken aback. He hadn’t noticed this beauty before now.
JOSH
Yes, Ms…
ANDREA
Waldman. Andrea Waldman from WBEN, the best TV station in town.
Other REPORTERS sigh and roll their eyes.
JOSH
Your question.
ANDREA
Oh, yeah. If you don’t identify the clown killer, how do you expect the public to help you find him so you can put an end to this whole circus.
SNICKERS from the CROWD.
JOSH
Ms. Waldman, this is a serious matter.
ANDREA
Oh, all right. Well, do you have any idea where he might be?
JOSH
I’m not going to comment on that. This concludes this press conference.
All the people in the room scurry this way and that. Andrea rushes to the podium, where everyone is trying to talk to Josh at once.
ANDREA
Uh… excuse me. Mr. Richards?
Josh forgets everyone else and looks at Andrea.
JOSH
You can call me Josh.
Andrea giggles.
ANDREA
Okay, Josh, would you be willing to appear on WBEN’s 6 o’ clock show live tonight? We are the number one station in town.
JOSH
Ms. Waldman-
ANDREA
Andrea.
JOSH
Andrea. I’ve already said everything I have to say about the matter. Weren’t you live just now?
ANDREA
Well… yes.
JOSH
Are you a new reporter? I haven’t seen you before.
ANDREA
You ask a lot of questions. That’s my job.
JOSH
Is that right?
ANDREA
Be serious.
JOSH
Oh, NOW you want to be serious.
ANDREA
You are a joker, you know that?
JOSH
I’ve been told. How about we discuss this further over lunch.
ANDREA
Lunch?
JOSH
They do let you eat lunch, don’t they?
-
Amy’s Great Dialogue Scene from (list movie here)
What I learned doing this assignment is great dialogue accomplishes a purpose. Neither person directly says what their goal for the scene is, but by the end, you know what that goal is and whether they’ve been successful.
INT. WAITING ROOM, LOGUE’S CHAMBERS – CONTINUOUS
Umbrella stand, coat rack, wooden waiting bench: that’s all.
She looks about. The area is devoid of life. Coughs. No
response. Calls imperiously:
7
ELIZABETH
Hello. Is anyone there?
From behind a door:
MUFFLED VOICE (O.S.)
I’m just in the loo.
Princess Elizabeth is not used to this sort of thing. She’s
further appalled by the loud gurgling of a toilet being
flushed, and startled by the entrance of – LIONEL LOGUE – a
tall, middle-aged man with strong features. His demeanor is
friendly, yet professional.
LIONEL
“Poor and content is rich and rich
enough”
*subtext here
ELIZABETH
I beg your pardon?
LIONEL
Shakespeare. I’m sorry, there’s no
receptionist. I like to keep things
simple. How are you Mrs Johnson?
I’m afraid you’re late.
Offers his hand. She takes it, a little gingerly.
ELIZABETH
I’m afraid I am.
LIONEL
Where’s Mr Johnson?
ELIZABETH
He doesn’t know I’m here.
LIONEL
That’s not a promising start.
ELIZABETH
My husband has seen everyone to no
avail. He’s given up hope.
LIONEL
He hasn’t seen me.
ELIZABETH
You’re awfully sure of yourself.
*these two lines are really good. He’s saying he’s the best and she’s saying she’s not convinced.
LIONEL
I’m sure of anyone who wants to be
cured.
8
ELIZABETH
Naturally he wishes to be cured. My
husband is required to speak
publicly.
LIONEL
Perhaps he should change jobs.
ELIZABETH
He can’t.
LIONEL
Indentured servitude?
ELIZABETH
Something of that nature.
LIONEL
Well have your hubby pop
by…Tuesday would be good…to
give his personal history and I’ll
make a frank appraisal.
ELIZABETH
I do not have a “hubby”. We don’t
‘pop’. We never talk about our
private lives. You must come to us.
*I love this line. She’s spelling out for him that they are not average people.
LIONEL
Sorry, Mrs J, my game, my turf, my
rules.
ELIZABETH
And what if my husband were the
Duke of York?
LIONEL
The Duke of York?
ELIZABETH
Yes the Duke of York.
LIONEL
I thought the appointment was for
“Johnson”? Forgive me, your
Royal…?
ELIZABETH
Highness.
LIONEL
Your Royal Highness.
ELIZABETH
Johnson was used during the Great
War when the Navy didn’t want the
enemy to know ‘he’ was aboard.
9
(MORE)
We are operating under the
strictest of confidences.
LIONEL
Of course. I’m considered the
enemy?
*He’s trying to come to an understanding with Elizabeth
ELIZABETH
You will be if you remain unobliging.
*This is almost like a threat.
LIONEL
How did you find me?
ELIZABETH
The President of the Speech
Therapists Society.
LIONEL
Eileen McCleod? She’s a sport.
*I’m not sure, but I think he’s saying thanks a lot, Eileen.
ELIZABETH
Dr McCleod warned me your
antipodean methods were “unorthodox
and controversial”. I warned
her…they were not my favorite
words.
LIONEL
I succeed.
ELIZABETH
So she says.
LIONEL
I can cure your husband. But for my
method to work there must be trust
and total equality in the safety of
my consultation room. No
exceptions.
ELIZABETH
Well then, in that case…
Pause.
ELIZABETH (CONT’D)
When can you start?
*Without coming out and saying it, both Lionel and Elizabeth are discussing the terms on which they will be working and are coming to an understanding of one another.
-
REQUEST FOR FEEDBACK EXCHANGE
Amy’s Final Scene!
Subtext logline for Dr. Smitty- Dr. Smitty is a scientist who lied and cheated to get where he is today. He doesn’t know nearly enough about supercollider to be put in charge of one.
Setup: Andrea got sucked into the university’s supercollider while she was doing a live report and went back in time. When she came back, she was a whole year into the future. Meagan is Dr. Smitty’s teaching assistant who was there when Andrea got sucked into the machine.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NEXT DAY
Dr. Smitty examines the supercollider, troubled by something.
ANDREA
Problem?
Dr. Smitty looks up and upon seeing Andrea jumps back so hard he nearly bangs against the wall.
DR. SMITTY
A- An- Andrea! Andrea Richards!
ANDREA
I’m baaack.
Dr. Smitty looks as if he’s seen a ghost.
ANDREA
Do you know where I’ve been?
Dr. Smitty timidly shakes his head “no.”
ANDREA
Neither do I! For a while I literally saw my life flash before my eyes. Then. Then, I don’t know. Where was I for a whole year, Dr. Smitty?
DR. SMITTY
You knew the machine was an experiment.
ANDREA
You’re blaming ME? Tell me, did you know that time travel was possible with this machine?
DR. SMITTY
Admitting such a thing would have made me the laughing stock of the science community.
ANDREA
I see. Did your teacher’s assistant, Meagan, know that time travel was possible with this machine?
DR. SMITTY
That bubble head? How absurd?
ANDREA
I’m going to get to the bottom of this one way or the other. You ruined my life! You can tell me what happened, or I will just have to figure it out the hard way. Either way, I WILL find out!
Andrea storms out of the room.
Dr. Smitty yells at her as she leaves.
DR. SMITTY
I have no secrets!
-
Amy’s Subtext Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is…
Background: Andrea got sucked in the local university’s supercollider and traveled through time. When she came back out, it was a year in the future. In that year, her kids’ nanny, Meagan, has gotten together with her husband, Josh, and they have gotten engaged. All during the movie, Andrea and Josh have been growing closer together and looks like they might reconcile, but Josh is upset that Andrea accused Meagan of being responsible for her getting sucked into the supercollider and then trying to push her into it.
1. What is the meaning of the subtext? Andrea thinks Josh is ready to reconcile, but he’s actually about to break it off with Andrea.
2. What is the cover-up? Something is off.
3. When will the meaning be revealed? The meaning is revealed when Josh asks for a divorce, but there’s a hint of it when we see Meagan.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Josh paces the floor.
Andrea rushes in.
ANDREA
Josh! You wanted to see me? I came home early. I guess this means you’ve forgiven me for the other night. We’re going to be a real family again, right?
Andrea runs to Josh and moves to kiss him, but he turns his head and walks away from her.
She follows him, her back now turned to the entrance to the kitchen where Meagan peaks her head around the corner.
ANDREA
What’s wrong, Josh?
JOSH
I heard about what you tried to do to Meagan. Your accusations against her the other night were ridiculous, but now this?
ANDREA
Why don’t you believe anything I tell you? I’m your wife.
JOSH
I want a divorce.
ANDREA
What? No! We were getting closer. I thought-
JOSH
I’m going to marry Meagan.
Meagan struts into the living room and takes her place by Josh’s side, a snide grin on her face.
Andrea looks as if she’s about to cry. She has no words.
She makes her way across the room, moving in slow motion.
Meagan sneers. Josh looks injured.
Andrea leaves in disgrace.
-
Amy’s Subtext relationship
What I learned doing this assignment is…
I struggled with this assignment. All the examples show characters interacting with one another through what they do as a career. My characters have specific jobs but mainly interact with one another on a personal level.
Andrea
Subtext logline: Andrea is Josh’s wife and Benjamin and Chloe’s mom. She is torn between her career and being a wife and mom. She’s also a news anchor who doesn’t really care about the news. She fights to get promoted to the 6 o’ clock anchor for the money and the attention.
Meagan
Subtext logline: Meagan is a nanny to Andre and Josh’s kids who just wants to steal Josh away from Andrea. She pretends to care about the kids to get in Josh’s good graces.
Josh
Subtext logline: Josh is legally married to Andrea, but got engaged to Meagan after Andrea disappeared. He wants Andrea to care more about being a wife and mother than she does her career. He’s also a detective who manages to interrogate his subjects politely. He has conflict in his family, but is never actually argumentative with anyone.
EXT. – CITY STEET – DAY
Josh and Andrea stroll down the street lined with colorful tents selling food. The smells are heavenly.
Matt, Andrea’s cameraman is following them because she’s technically on the job.
JOSH
So, shouldn’t you interview someone or something?
ANDREA
We go live at noon.
JOSH
Don’t you want to make a plan? Know who you’re going to talk to?
ANDREA
Anyone will do.
Josh looks at Andrea, puzzled.
JOSH
Why do you fight so hard for this job?
ANDREA
Without it, I’m just… Andrea Richards.
JOSH
Not just. You’re my wife. Benjamin and Chloe’s mom.
Andrea stares at Josh, incredulous.
ANDREA
You’re engaged to someone else.
JOSH
But you came back.
ANDREA
Does that mean the engagement is off?
JOSH
You tell me.
ANDREA
Why the interrogation detective?
MEAGAN (O.S.)
Josh! Josh!
Josh and Andrea turn to see Meagan running towards them.
MEAGAN
The school just called me. Benjamin is sick and needs to go home.
Meagan smiles an evil smile at Andrea knowing she’s just interrupted hers and Josh’s “date.”
JOSH
What? Did he throw up?
ANDREA
Does he have a fever?
MEAGAN
I don’t know.
JOSH
You didn’t ask?
ANDREA
Gah! Some nanny!
JOSH
I’ll go get him.
MEAGAN
I’ll go with you.
Meagan grabs Josh’s arm and looks up at him adoringly. Andrea seethes.
-
Amy’s Multiple Meanings
What I learned doing this assignment is having a scene like this in your story makes it more of a page-turner. I didn’t have a scene for this in my outline, so I made up one.
Setup: This is the scene just after Chloe’s play that Andrea missed where she and Josh had words because she missed yet another one of the kids’ events. Chloe is also upset with Andrea.
Character Motivations:
*Josh wants Andrea to put her career second to him and the kids.
*Andrea desperately wants to get her old job back as anchor of the noon news
*Meagan wants Andrea to get her old job back because Andrea reluctantly agreed to let Meagan come back as a nanny to the kids if she got the anchor position. Andrea getting the position means she is fully back into Andrea’s family’s life.
Scene:
INT. – ICE CREAM STORE – NIGHT
Josh, Andrea, Chloe and Benjamin sit at a small café table. Things are awkward. No one speaks.
Meagan IS HEARD from a distance CLEARING HER THROAT. Everyone looks up at her.
ANDREA
(to Meagan)
What are you doing here?
MEAGAN
Josh invited me.
Andrea cuts her eyes at Josh.
MEAGAN
We’re celebrating Chloe tonight, right? Hey, great job tonight, Chlo!
Chloe barely looks up.
CHLOE
Thanks.
Andrea’s PHONE RINGS.
She pulls it out of her purse, looks at it.
ANDREA
I should take this.
She puts the phone to her ear.
ANDREA
Tom. Hi… Oh really!… That’s great news! Thank you!… Bye!
She puts the phone back in her purse.
ANDREA
Guess what? I’m the anchor of the noon news again!
Josh puts his head in his hands.
Chloe looks like she’s about to cry.
Benjamin rolls his head back, exasperated.
Meagan smiles a sinister grin.
MEAGAN
Congratulations! Well, kids, it looks like we’re going to be spending a lot of time together again.
Benjamin and Chloe both roll their eyes.
ANDREA
That’s not necessary.
Josh glares at Andrea.
JOSH
That was the agreement, Andrea.
Andrea is taken aback at Josh’s stern tone.
-
Amy’s Directional FOS patterns
What I learned doing this assignment is that if you set up the scene for subtext (I set it up as competing agendas), then figures of speech emerge naturally.
Note: Earlier, Andrea questioned the uncooperative professor about how exactly the supercollider caused her to travel through time. She did not suspect that Meagan had anything to do with it at that time. Now she has reason to be suspicious of Meagan.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Dr. Smitty sits at his desk filling papers with red ink.
A KNOCK IS HEARD at the door.
He looks up. It’s Andrea.
DR. SMITTY
Mrs. Richards. Back again? I thought we settled this matter.
ANDREA
I want to talk to you about your assistant, Meagan.
Andrea sits in the chair across from his desk.
Dr. Smitty shifts nervously in his seat and then goes back to marking papers.
DR. SMITTY
I can’t imagine what about. An expose’ maybe? Well, there’s no story there.
ANDREA
So why then do you feel the need to reassure me of that fact?
Dr. Smitty looks up at Andrea but doesn’t say anything.
He looks back down.
DR. SMITTY
Tell me, what’s your big story tonight?
ANDREA
Not sure yet. It might be about a certain professor and his devious teacher’s assistant conspiring to send a certain news anchor spiraling through God-only-knows what time period.
Dr. Smitty looks up at Andrea again. This time he looks her straight in the eyes.
DR. SMITTY
There was no conspiracy!
ANDREA
But you told her time travel was possible with the supercollider.
Again, Dr. Smitty stares at Andrea, this time he says nothing.
ANDREA
Your silence speaks volumes, Dr. Smitty.
Andrea gets up and walks out.
Once she’s gone, Dr. Smitty angrily slams his hand on the desk.
-
Amy’s Dialogue Cover-ups
What I learned doing this assignment is dialogue is more interesting with a cover-up.
Note: Andrea is a news reporter and Josh is a detective.
Scene:
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Benjamin’s team is out in the field. Benjamin is on first base. Josh and Chloe watch from the stands. Meagan is sitting next to Josh on one side and Karen on the other.
Andrea appears and she’s on the warpath.
ANDREA
Meagan!
Meagan jumps.
MEAGAN
Ahh! You scared me!
ANDREA
I know what you did.
Meagan looks over at Josh, then back at Andrea, nervous.
MEAGAN
You don’t know anything.
ANDREA
Professor Smitty told you time travel was possible when the supercollider it turned on. You are the one that insisted that I stand really close to it to…
Andrea makes quotations marks with her fingers.
ANDREA
… for dramatic effect. It’s your fault that I went missing and missed a year of my life, my family’s life. IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!
METHODS OF COVER-UP:
Silence: Meagan doesn’t speak but stares daggers at Andrea.
Action incongruent with words: Meagan-“You’re brilliant. How did you ever figure that out.” She rolls her eyes.
Change subject: Meagan-“You’re late. Again. Is it your intention to constantly disappoint your children, or do you just not know how to tell time?”
Attack back: Meagan-“So your new career is snooping on innocent people?”
Complement them: Meagan-“You’re one smart cookie, Andrea. Are you an investigative reporter? However, I think you got this one wrong. ”
Threaten them: Meagan-“If you don’t get away from me right now, I’m going to have Josh arrest you.”
Confirm something they already believe whether it’s true or not: “You got me, but what are you going to do about it? I don’t think there are any laws about sending people back in time.”
Misdirection: Meagan: -“You’re a terrible mother! Your children deserve better.”
Inappropriate reaction to an emotional event: Meagan starts sobbing. “I just wanted my own family. Ever since my husband died in 2018, I have been so lonely.”
Distraction: Meagan-“Oh, look! Benjamin is up to bat!”
Make a joke of it: Meagan-“Great job Sherlock Holmes. I’m sure Josh is proud of your awesome detective work. Meagan starts laughing hysterically.
Continue the conversation as if nothing happened: Meagan-“Benjamin hit a home run earlier. You missed it. What a shame. “
Pick the best response: Make a joke of it: Meagan-“Great job Sherlock Holmes. I’m sure Josh is proud of your awesome detective work. Meagan starts laughing hysterically.
Scene with chosen response:
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Benjamin’s team is out in the field. Benjamin is on first base. Josh and Chloe watch from the stands. Meagan is sitting next to Josh on one side and Karen on the other.
Andrea appears and she’s on the warpath.
ANDREA
Meagan!
Meagan jumps.
MEAGAN
Ahh! You scared me!
ANDREA
I know what you did.
Meagan looks over at Josh, then back at Andrea, nervous.
MEAGAN
You don’t know anything.
ANDREA
Professor Smitty told you time travel was possible when the supercollider it turned on. You are the one that insisted that I stand really close to it to…
Andrea makes quotations marks with her fingers.
ANDREA
… for dramatic effect. It’s your fault that I went missing and missed a year of my life, my family’s life. IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!
MEAGAN
Great job, Sherlock Holmes. I’m sure Josh is proud of your awesome detective work.
Meagan starts laughing hysterically.
-
Amy’s Symbol
What I learned doing this assignment is that the use of a symbol is a good way to show the character arc of your protagonist through visuals instead of words. It also makes the moment the character changes more powerful.
INTRODUCE THE SYMBOL: While Andrea is traveling in the past and observing herself dote on a newborn Benjamin, Josh gives her a necklace that spells out the word “mom.” It has a little foot attached with Benjamin’s birthstone and his name. Later as she continues to travel through time and Chloe is born, Josh gives Andrea another foot to attach to her necklace with Chloe’s birthstone and name.
SET ITS MEANING POWERFULLY: As Andrea struggles with being torn between her family and her career, she one day goes rifling through her jewelry box and discovers the necklace. She had completely forgotten about it. Now it is causing her to feel sentimental. She almost puts it back in the box. Instead, she shoves it in her purse.
USE THE SYMBOL TO CAUSE OR SHOW CHANGE: When Andrea shows up at Chloe’s dance recital at the end of the story, she is wearing the necklace which shows that she has chosen her family over her career.
-
Amy’s Subtext Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is that a character’s subtext identity gives them depth. A character’s subtext points to a flaw in that character that leads to their internal conflict that works against their outward goal.
Name: Andrea Richards
Subtext identity: A news anchor that doesn’t really care about the news, and a mom
Traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive, concealing
Subtext logline: Andrea is a news anchor who doesn’t really care about the news. She fights to get promoted to the 6 o’ clock anchor for the money and the attention.
Possible areas of subtext: Andrea wants to be promoted to 6 o’ clock anchor, but she doesn’t show much interest in the news. When she comes back from time travel she fights to restore her marriage, but confesses to Joannie she’s not sure she wants to get back together with Josh.
Name: Meagan Donahue
Subtext identity: A nanny who doesn’t really like children
Traits: fakes being nurturing, fakes being motherly, conniving, deceitful
Subtext logline: Meagan is a nanny to Andre and Josh’s kids who just wants to steal Josh away from Andrea. She pretends to care about the kids to get in Josh’s good graces.
Possible areas of subtext: Meagan is always there for Josh and the kids, but she complains about the kids to Karen when Josh is not around. She is sweet and loving towards Josh and the kids when Josh is around, but indifferent to the kids when Josh is not around.
Name: Josh Richards
Subtext identity: Polite detective
Traits: inquisitive, honest to a fault, dad jokes, his kids’ biggest cheerleader, self-censoring
Subtext logline: Josh is detective who manages to interrogate his subjects politely. He has conflict in his family, but is never actually argumentative with anyone.
Possible areas of subtext: Josh interrogates people politely. He feels strongly that Andrea’s biggest concern should be her kids, but he’s too diplomatic to actually say that.
-
Amy’s Great Subtext Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is that I always thought subtext was just in dialogue, but it can be found in the descriptions as well.
Dead Poets Society
INT. THE WELTON JUNIOR CLASS DORMITORY ROOM – DAY 11
Each small room contains two single beds, two closets, and
two desks. Suitcases sit on the floor. Neil enters. Richard
Cameron sticks in his head.
CAMERON
Heard you got the new boy. He’s a hell
of a speaker, huh? Oops.
NOTE: Subtext: Todd is a terrible speaker.
Todd Anderson walks in. Cameron ducks out. Todd has heard
Cameron s comment, but he ignores it. He puts his suitcase on
his bed and begins unpacking.
NEIL
Don’t mind Cameron. He’s an asshole.
NOTE: Neil is letting Todd know that he knows that Todd heard what Cameron said.
There is a knock on the door. Knox Overstress, Charlie
Dalton, and Steven Meeks enter. Charlie speaks to Neil.
CHARLIE
Hey, I heard you went to summer school?
NEIL
Yeah, chemistry. My father thought I
should get ahead.
CHARLIE
Well, Meeks aced Latin and I didn’t
quite flunk English so if you want, we’ve
got our study group.
NEIL
Sure, but Cameron asked me too. Anybody
mind including him?
CHARLIE
What’s his specialty, brown-nosing?
NOTE: Subtext: Charlie doesn’t like Cameron.
Some chuckles.
NEIL
Hey, he’s your roommate.
NOTE: Subtext: Charlie should like Camron since they are roommates.
CHARLIE
That’s not my fault.
NOTE: Charlie really wishes Cameron was not his roommate.
Nobody is excited about Cameron but no one objects.
MEEKS
(to Todd)
I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Steven
Meeks.
TODD
(shyly extending his hand)
Todd. Anderson.
Knox and Charlie offer Todd handshakes.
CHARLIE
Charlie Dalton.
KNOX
Knox Overstreet.
Todd shakes their hands.
NEIL
Todd’s brother is Jeffrey Anderson.
CHARLIE
Oh yeah. Sure. Valedictorian, National
Merit Scholar
NOTE: Charlie is wondering if Todd will measure up to his brother.
Todd nods affirmative.
MEEKS
Well, welcome to “Hell”ton.
NOTE: Subtext: We hate it here.
CHARLIE
It’s every bit as hard as they say.
Unless you’re a genius like Meeks.
MEEKS
He flatters me so I’ll help him with
Latin.
CHARLIE
And English, and trig
Meeks smiles. There is a knock on the door.
NEIL
It’s open.
Neil’s father enters. Neil is surprised.
NEIL (CONT’D)
Father. I thought you’d… gone.
NOTE: Neil is afraid of his father.
All the boys stand.
NOTE: Mr. Perry is a man who demands respect. Everyone is afraid of him.
MEEKS, CHARLIE, KNOX
Mr. Perry.
MR. PERRY
Keep your seats, boys. How’s it going?
THE BOYS
Fine, sir. Thank you.
MR. PERRY
Neil, I’ve decided that you’re taking
too many extracurricular activities.
I’ve spoken to Mr. Nolan about it and you
can work on the school annual next year.
NEIL
But father, I’m assistant editor.
NOTE: Subtext: Neil doesn’t want to give up the school annual.
MR. PERRY
I’m sorry, Neil.
NOTE: Subtext: Too bad.
NEIL
But father, it’s not fair.
MR. PERRY
Fellows, would you excuse us a minute?
NOTE: Neil crossed the line by arguing with his father and he’s about to get an earful.
Mr. Perry walks into the hall, Neil follows.
12 INT. THE JUNIOR DORMITORY HALLWAY – SAME 12
MR. PERRY
I will not be disputed in public, do you
understand me?
NOTE: Reveal that Neil’s father is indeed angry with him for arguing with him in front of the other boys. It’s also revealed that Neil’s father knows that he commands respect and it’s something he values quite a lot.
NEIL
Father, I wasn’t disputing you.
MR. PERRY
When you’ve finished medical school and
you’re on your own, you can do as you
please. Until then, you will listen to
me.
NEIL
Yes sir. I’m sorry.
MR. PERRY
You know what this means to your mother,
don’t you?
NOTE: I think this is text that covers subtext in that Neil’s father is really saying that’s it’s important to HIM.
NEIL
Yes sir.
Using the pressures of guilt and punishment, Mr. Perry is the
most subtle of bullies. Neil’s resolve crumbles in front of
his authoritarian father. Neil fills the pause.
NEIL (CONT’D)
You know me, always taking on too much.
MR. PERRY
Good boy. Call us if you need anything.
NOTE: By saying “Good boy,” Neil’s father is implying that Neil knows better than to cross him.
He turns and walks off.
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Amy’s Page Turner
What I learned doing this assignment is…
I printed out the skill mastery sheet and referred to it while I was writing this scene. I questioned whether this scene was even necessary, but it does play into Chlor and Andrea’s (protagonist) relationship later in the movie. I think by using the skills we learned in this module, I was able to punch up what would have been a really dull scene otherwise. For context, Chloe’s mom, Andrea, has recently come back from time travel. She was missing for a whole year.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – STAGE – DAY
Chloe stands next to DENISE, 10, who is also in the play. They excitedly look over their play scrips and chat.
Behind them, a large prop wall sways. It’s going to come down at any minute!
On the other side of the stage, the wall is noticed by Maddy, 10, the most popular girl in school who looks down her nose at everyone except her posse of other popular GIRLS.
They are surrounding her right now.
Maddy gets her friends’ attention and points to the wall. They all giggle.
Chloe and Denise see this and stare at one another, confused.
MADDY
Hey, Chloe!
Chloe and Denise cease chatting and look up from their scripts.
MADDY
Is your mom still here, or did she go Back to the Future?
The gaggle of girls standing next to Maddy all laugh.
Chloe just stands there looking wounded. Denise rolls her eyes.
DENISE
Don’t pay any attention to them. They’re jerks.
The wall sways. It’s coming down! But…
A BOY walking by catches it and puts it back upright.
Maddy and her friends giggle.
The drama teacher, MRS. ADAMS appears on stage.
MRS. ADAMS
All right. Places everyone.
The students all scurry to their places. Chloe doesn’t move because she’s already in place.
CHLOE
Mrs. Adams? I have a question.
Mrs. Adams walks over. Chloe says something to her and shakes her head in agreement.
The wall starts to sway again. Maddy watches it closely from the other side of the stage, evil on her face.
DRAMA TEACHER
Actually, Maddy, Chloe, I want you two to switch places for this scene.
MADDY
But Mrs. –
DRAMA TEACHER
No arguments, please.
Maddy stomps over. As she passes Chloe on the way, she threatens her with her eyes.
MADDY
(to Chloe)
I’ll get you for this. When you least expect it.
-
Amy’s Writing is Bold!
What I learned doing this assignment is the scenes written with attitude are way better.
A. The plain version
EXT. – STREET/WBEN – DAY
Andrea jumps out of the taxi.
She goes to the door and tries her electronic key, but it doesn’t work.
She picks up the phone and waits.
ANDREA
Bob! It’s Andrea. My key isn’t working. Can you let me in?… No, this isn’t a joke. Bob, let me in!
A LOUD CLICK IS HEARD. Bob has hung up on her.
ANDREA
What is going on?
She turns back to the street and starts walking towards the parking garage.
INT. PARKING GARAGE – DAY
Andrea looks around for her car but becomes very confused when she can’t find it.
She gives up and walks back out.
EXT. – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
A taxi pulls up to Andrea’s home. She gets out and runs up the walkway.
She puts her key in the door, but it doesn’t work.
She rings the bell.
ANDREA
Josh, my key isn’t working. Can you let me in?
The door opens. It’s Josh. He turns pale at the sight of her.
B. Written with Andrea angry
EXT. – STREET/WBEN – DAY
Andrea jumps out of the taxi. She slams the door shut.
She goes to the door and tries her electronic key, but it doesn’t work. She bangs her fist on the key pad.
She yanks the phone off the receiver and scowls as she waits for someone to answer.
ANDREA
Bob! It’s Andrea. My key isn’t working. Let me in!… No, this isn’t a joke. Do I sound like I’m joking?
A LOUD CLICK IS HEARD. Bob has hung up on her.
She slams the phone back into its receiver.
ANDREA
Ugh! What is going on?
She turns back to the street and stalks towards the parking garage.
INT. PARKING GARAGE – DAY
Andrea looks around for her car, but it’s nowhere to be found. She huffs and stamps her foot, then stomps back out of the garage.
EXT. – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
A taxi pulls up to Andrea’s home. She gets out and closes the door so hard it sounds like a gunshot.
She stomps up the walkway.
She jams her key in the door, but it doesn’t work.
She pounds on the door and rings the bell incessantly.
ANDREA
Josh, what the hell? Come open this door right now!
The door opens. It’s Josh. He turns pale at the sight of her.
C. Written with Andrea in desperation
EXT. – STREET/WBEN – DAY
Andrea jumps out of the taxi before it even stops moving.
She runs for her life to the door. She tries her electronic key. It doesn’t work!
She desperately grabs the phone and waits, breathing heavy.
ANDREA
Bob! It’s Andrea. My key isn’t working. Please let me in!… No! This isn’t a joke. Bob, please! BOB!
A LOUD CLICK IS HEARD. Bob has hung up on her.
Andrea grabs her head and turns away from the door.
ANDREA
What is going on?
She races towards the parking garage.
INT. PARKING GARAGE – DAY
Andrea looks around for her car, but it’s nowhere to be found. She starts to wander around the garage, aimless, lost, bereft.
She finally gives up and walks back out.
EXT. – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
A taxi pulls up to Andrea’s home. Andrea opens the door and hops out before the taxi even has a chance to stop.
She sprints up the walkway as the TAXI DRIVER yells at her.
TAXI DRIVER
Hey, lady! What about my tip?
Andrea puts her key in the door, but it doesn’t work.
ANDREA
Oh, no! What is happening? JOSH!
She bangs on the door and rings the bell incessantly.
ANDREA
JOSH! My key isn’t working! Can you let me in? Please!
The door opens. It’s Josh. He turns pale at the sight of her.
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Amy’s Marketing Plan
What I learned doing this assignment is you have to be bold and not be shy about contacting producers if you want to get writing assignments.
Subject line: About your next (genre).
Subject line: About (movie title the producer did)
Hi (producer name),
I see that you have produced movies for the Hallmark Channel. My specialty is family-friendly films as well.
I just wanted to let you know that I am available to do writing assignments, whether it be rewriting a screenplay, adapting a book, or writing a screenplay from your idea.
My script Christmas Wars placed as a semifinalist in the 2021 Screencraft Family-Friendly contest. I would love to send it to you as a sample of my writing.
Let me know if you need anything.
Name
Phone
Email
LinkedIn Profile
Marketing Plan
1. Identify producers who produce the type of movies that I write.
2. Connect with those producers through email or on LinkedIn.
3. Query producers who produce family films with my spec script.
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Amy’s Plan for Increasing Perceived Value
What I learned doing this assignment is if I make a plan for succeeding and follow it, I will dramatically increase my chances of succeeding.
Specialty: My specialty is family films. I have a talent for writing light-hearted stories, some with romance.
My plan to increase my perceived value immediately with producers is to identify who the producers are that produce the type of movies that I write.
My plan to increase my perceived value in the next 30 days is to rewrite the script that placed well in the Family Friendly contest and get it over the line from good to great.
My plan to increase my perceived value in the next 6 months is to make contact with producers who produce the kind of movies that I write and start to develop a relationship with them.
How many producers do you have in your LinkedIn Network? When I did a search, 11 producers came up and they were all 2<sup>nd</sup> connections. I have contacts on LinkedIn that are in the business, but they do not list themselves as producers.
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Amy’s Extreme emotion!
What I learned doing this assignment Is that it’s okay to indicate the internal state of your characters to take your reader on an emotional journey.
Name: Andrea
Traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive, concealing
Subtext: Afraid to say
Character Logline: Andrea is a tough as nails news anchor who holds her own secrets close to the vest.
Possible areas of subtext: Andrea is tough on the people she interviews, but when alone, she cries about the state of her life.
INT. – NEWSROOM TOM’S OFFICE- DAY
Tom is distracted by something on his computer. Someone RAPS ON THE DOOR. It’s Andrea.
Tom’s head jerks up, then he practically jumps out of his chair. He’s seen a ghost.
TOM
Andrea?
ANDREA
It’s me. I’m back.
Andrea yanks at the chair in front of Tom’s desk, plops down into it and grabs the edge of Tom’s desk, desperate.
ANDREA
Tom, tell me I still have a job.
Tom’s face is frozen in place. He’s actually frightened.
TOM
You’ve been gone a year. Everyone thought you were-
ANDREA
Dead? NO! Tom, please take me back!
Andrea’s lips start to quiver. Tears fall down her cheeks.
Tom relaxes a little. He does care.
TOM
I’m sorry, Andrea. I don’t have any openings right now.
ANDREA
Does that really matter? I was your start reporter, the noon anchor. I’m back, and I want my career back.
Tom seems to give up the fight.
TOM
Part-time reporter is the best I can do.
Andrea jumps out of her seat, reaches across the desk and hugs Tom
ANDREA
THANK YOU!
-
Amy’s Visuals
What I learned doing this assignment is that carefully chosen words make your script a much more interesting read.
Pick one of your favorite scripts and make a list of the descriptive words/phrases they use over 10 to 20 pages:
· Battered
· Ex-giant
· Unprepossessing
· Wooly
· Messy
· Bouncy
· Optimistic
· Bright faced
· fabulous
Part Two: Look back through your last few assignment scenes. Pick out 5
descriptive sentences you can improve.
1. Tom walks by and gives her a startled look. Matt rushes in. IMPROVEMENT: Tom stops cold in front of her, alarmed. Matt charges in.
2. Andrea starts to walk towards the news van with Matt, then stops abruptly and turns towards the parked cars. IMPROVEMENT: Andrea trudges towards the news van with Matt, then stops abruptly and redirects herself towards the parked cars.
3. Andrea starts to get up from the makeup chair. Joannie runs in with papers in her hand. IMPROVEMENT: Andrea rises from the makeup chair just as Joannie bounds in with papers in her hand.
4. She walks over to the couch and picks up the note and walks out of the room with it. IMPROVEMENT: She takes large strides over to the couch and scoops up the note. She disappears out of the room with it.
5. Andrea comes back and grabs the blanket off the back of the couch and lays down to go to sleep. She closes her eyes. IMPROVEMENT: Andrea reappears and snatches the blanket off the back of the couch. She plops down, wraps herself in the blanket and shutters her eyes.
-
Amy’s Hope/Fear in Action
What I learned doing this assignment is that this technique can work anywhere in your script. It doesn’t have to be at the end.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
Situation: Andrea’s daughter Chloe has left her a heartfelt note telling her how much she loves her and how important it is for her to be at her swim meet the next day.
Threat: The note blows off the coffee table and under the couch with only a little bit peeking out.
Goal: For Andrea to read the note.
Chloe leaves a note for Andrea telling her about her swim meet and how much she wants her to be there.
The note falls on the floor and under the couch.
Andrea comes home, puts her stuff down and walks right past the note.
Andrea opens the mail and happens to glance over to the where the note is. She picks it up.
She takes the note into the kitchen with her and puts it on the table while she heats up her leftover dinner.
Andrea takes her dinner out of the microwave and takes it into the living room leaving the note.
Andrea sits on the couch and eats her dinner while she proudly watches a replay of her breaking news coverage.
Andrea needs something to drink so she goes in the kitchen. She sees the note and picks it up.
She comes back to the living room and puts the note on the table and goes back to watching the news coverage.
She gets up to put her plate back in the kitchen. When she does, the note blows off the table.
She comes back and lays on the couch with a blanket. Closes her eyes.
She hears a bump. Goes to check it out. When she comes back she sees the note peeking from under the couch. She picks it up and reads it. She smiles.
Scene:
INT. – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Chloe sits at the coffee table intent on what she’s writing.
Josh comes in the room and studies her
Josh
What are you working on so hard?
Chloe
I’m writing Mom a letter telling her how much I love her and reminding her about my swim meet tomorrow. I’m planning on beating my record and I want to make sure she sees it.
Josh
Okay. Then brush your teeth and get in bed.
Chloe
Okay, Dad.
INT. – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT – later
Andrea walks in and kicks her shoes off. She plops her purse on the coffee table. When she does the breeze blows Chloe’s note off the table. It slides under the couch.
She walks over to ledge and picks up the mail. While she thumbs through it, she happens to look up and notices the note sticking out from under the couch.
She walks over to the couch and picks up the note and walks out of the room with it.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Andrea puts the note on the table.
She grabs some food out of the refrigerator and places it in the microwave. She continues searching through the mail while her food cooks.
When her food is done, she puts the mail down, gets her food out of the microwave, grabs a fork and leaves the room walking right past the note.
INT. – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
Andrea puts her plate on the coffee table and pulls out her phone. She pulls up a replay or her breaking news coverage and watches.
Suddenly, the thinks of something, pauses the replay, puts her phone down and leaves the room.
INT. – KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Andrea grabs a class out of the cabinet and fills it with water from the refrigerator.
On the way out, she sees the note and picks it up.
INT. – LIVING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Andrea finishes eating and gets up to take her plate to the kitchen. When she does the note blows off the table and wafts under the couch again.
INT. – LIVING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Andrea comes back and grabs the blanket off the back of the couch and lays down to go to sleep. She closes her eyes.
Suddenly, a LOUD THUMP IS HEARD.
Andrea sits bolt upright. When she does, her foot lands on the note sticking out from under the couch.
She picks it up and unfolds it.
She reads it and smiles.
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Amy’s Uncertainty scene
What I learned from this assignment is that hope and fear in a script typically happen towards the end of the story, but it also keeps your turning the pages right to the very end.
Title: Sleepless in Seattle
Tell us what has occurred up to that point in the story: Annie has been listening to Sam on the radio tell the sad story of how his wife died. Annie falls in love with him. She writes him a letter. Sam’s son Jonah reads the letter and decides he wants his dad to be with her. He and his little friend who has access to her mom’s flight reservation software plan a trip to New York City. They request that Annie show up at the top of the Empire State Building at a certain time. Sam also goes to the top of the Empire State Building, but only to retrieve Jonah. Annie tells her fiancé about Sam and the possible meeting at the top of the Empire State Building. He tells her to go for it, then…
EXT. WEST 50TH STREET – NIGHT
As Annie comes out to the street and hails a cab.
As it screeches off toward Fifth Ave.
INT. EMPIRE STATE BUILDING OBSERVATION DECK – NIGHT
The lights are on all over the city.
The crowd has thinned out considerably. Jonah and Sam are among the last people left. They gaze out at the twinkling lights and the ever-darkening sky.
ELEVATOR OPERATOR
Last call. Closing time.
Jonah looks at Sam.
JONAH
This is pretty dumb, wasn’t
it?
Sam shrugs.
SAM
Big deal.
After a beat.
SAM
Maybe we’ll get a dog when we
get back.
JONAH
Okay.
SAM
What do you mean, okay?
Wouldn’t you like a dog?
JONAH
Sure.
Sam puts his arm around him, they start toward the
elevator.
SAM
Let’s go home.
EXT. FIFTH AVE – NIGHT
Annie’s cab stuck in traffic.
As Annie gets out of the cab.
She’s breaking into a hard run toward the Empire State Building.
INT. LOBBY OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING – NIGHT
Annie sprints in and over to Information Booth.
INFORMATION BOOTH PERSON
Sorry, ma’am, but the elevators
are closed.
ANNIE
(out of breath)
No. Please. I really need to
get up there.
INFORMATION BOOTH PERSON
We’re closing up. No more runs
tonight.
Annie takes a deep breath. She’s hit the end of the road. She turns to go but then turns back.
ANNIE
(out of breath)
Listen, can I just take a look?
Maybe… maybe… There’s
someone I was supposed to
meet… He’s probably not
there, but if I don’t at least
look I’ll always wonder about
it.
The Information Booth Person looks at her.
INFORMATION BOOTH PERSON
Cary Grant, right?
ANNIE
You know that movie?
INFORMATION BOOTH PERSON
One of my wife’s favorites.
INT. TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING
After a few beat the elevator door opens on a very empty platform.
ELEVATOR MAN
Sorry, ma’am. Empty.
Annie slowly walks out.
ANNIE
Can I take a minute?
ELEVATOR MAN
Go ahead.
She sighs. Heads for the telescopes. Looks out at the twinkling lights below.
She casually turns the telescope and suddenly sees something on the floor.
Jonah’s Seattle Mariners backpack.
She picks it up. She realizes that it might be… could be… and opens it. Inside is a toothbrush and Jonah’s teddy bear. As she takes out the bear the other elevator DINGS.
Annie looks up as Jonah and Sam exit the elevator.
JONAH
I left it near the…
And they stop. There she is. There they are. Sam can’t believe it. It’s the mystery woman.
SAM
It’s you.
ANNIE
It’s me?
SAM
The one in the street. I
chased after you.
JONAH
Are you Annie?
ANNIE
Yes.
SAM
(confused)
You’re Annie too?
She smiles awkwardly.
ANNIE
(indicating the
backpack)
Is this yours?
Jonah walks over to her. He puts his hand out. She shakes it solemnly.
JONAH
I’m Jonah.
(nodding back to Sam)
That’s my dad. His name is
Sam.
ANNIE
Hi, Jonah. Sam.
(indicating the teddy
bear)
And who is this?
JONAH
Howard.
ANNIE
Howard.
Sam nods. Smiling. Starting to put it all together. Annie smiles. Still nervous. No one knows what to do next. Just then, one of the elevator operators CLEARS HIS THROAT.
SAM
We better go.
Annie nods.
Sam holds out his hand.
SAM
Shall we?
Annie slips her hand into his. It feels comfortable, natural, right.
ANNIE
Sam?
He looks at her.
ANNIE
It’s nice to meet you.
On Annie.
On Sam.
On Jonah. He makes a triumphant little double-fist
gesture to himself as the elevator doors close.
-
Amy is a Note Taking Professional
What I learned doing this assignment is you can totally change your movie to fit a producer’s vision if you are willing to think outside of the box.
Title: Christmas Wars
Logline: An insecure, suburban housewife goes overboard trying to outdo her condescending next-door neighbor in the neighborhood Christmas decorating contest.
Cut the budget in half: Right now, my budget is about $1 million. I could cut it by reducing the locations and by cutting out the shopping scene and have the movie take place in a smaller number of houses in the neighborhood.
Write it for a different audience (quadrant): As it stands, this movie is for all audiences. I could take out the children and dogs and have it directed towards adults only.
Double the conflict: There’s quite a lot of conflict already, but I guess I could ramp up the personal conflict between the two leads so are not just competing in the Christmas decorating competition, but also have an extreme hatred of one another.
Change the sex and age of the lead character: Currently, my lead characters are two women in their 30s. I could make the two leads two old men.
Change the genre: The genre is currently family comedy. I could darken it up and make it a drama about how far these two men are willing to go to win the Christmas decorating contest.
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Amy Falkofske’s Rewrite of Madeleine Vessel’s Treatment
What I learned doing this assignment is that you can get new insights into your own story by discussing it with another person.
As the “writer” it was interesting to talk to Madeleine and learn things about her story that weren’t necessarily in the treatment but helped me to understand the story better.
As the producer, I realized that I had several instances where I had determined that something was going to happen in my movie, but I had no idea how it was going to happen. I realized that I still have a lot of work to do.
Structure: Mini-Movie Method (eight sequences)
TITLE: VALLEY OF DRY BONES
WRITTEN BY: Madeleine Vessel
GENRE: Thriller
LOGLINE:
Logline: When an archaeologist finds her entrepreneurial Uncle Jack shot through the head in her horse corral and his murder case quickly goes cold, she forms an uneasy alliance with an estranged childhood friend to unravel the mystery behind the killing.
TREATMENT:
40 years after his disappearance, reclusive archaeology professor DR. ANNA MAUDE STONE puts the finishing touches on a sculpture of a young man’s face in the university museum cataloging room. A local woman, CAMILLA CROSS, accompanied by Doña Ana County Sheriff Sergeant MIKE WILLIAMS, identifies the face as that of Eloy Muñoz, a high school friend of Anna Maude’s who disappeared while hiking in the Organ Mountains.
Anna Maude suspects he was killed and recommends Mike open a murder case.
Then a tragedy occurs. While at the university, Anna Maude receives a phone call from a neighbor, notifying her that her big bay stallion has jumped the fence. She rushes home to Cottonwood Farm.
There she finds her horses loose and her entrepreneurial UNCLE JACK shot through the head in a corral.
Mike, a couple of deputies and crime scene technician SAMMY BEACH start an investigation. They find bullet entrance and exit wounds in Jack’s skull. Anna Maude searches and finds the bullet embedded in a forklift tire. Later, in nearby woods, they find the place where a sniper stood to take the fatal shots.
Next- a false lead. Mike follows Jack’s text messages to and from PETE CALENDARIA, a neighboring Chile farmer, who was in a feud with Jack over Jack’s chicken-killing dog. He interviews Pete and takes his hunting rifle for a ballistics test. After this lead turns up nothing, the case of Uncle Jack’s murder goes cold.
Meanwhile, Anna Maude talks on the phone with a Chinese antique dealer wanting to examine Chinese artifacts Jack needed appraised. Anna Maude acknowledges that Jack was selling art objects online, but she’s unaware of Chinese artifacts. She promises to conduct a search.
It’s been 15 years since Anna Maude saw her childhood friend, Tony Oxley, and now he’s returned to the valley to handle his deceased father’s affairs. This includes disposing of a neglected farm adjacent to Anna Maude’s Cottonwood Farm and evaluating new evidence related to the tragic disappearance of his little sister, Sally, when she was thirteen years old.
One day, while walking on the farm, Tony picks up the oxidized fragment of an old Spanish spur, recalling the fact that the farm is on the El Camino Real de Tierra Adentro, an old Spanish trade route extending from Mexico City to San Juan Pueblo in New Mexico.
Moments later, a human skull protrudes from the ground in front of him. Tony calls 911.
Mike and Sammy respond to Tony’s call. When Sammy determines the skull and accompanying bones are OLD, she wants Anna Maude to take a look. Anna Maude determines the VERY OLD bones belonged to a woman. Out of kindness, she tells Tony that the bones can’t be Sally’s. The bone site on Tony’s property quickly becomes Anna Maude’s archaeological dig.
When preliminary tests indicate the bones date back to Onate’s expedition in the late 1500s, about the time Jack’s Chinese artifacts originated, Anna Maude has a clue as to why Jack was killed. If authentic, the artifacts are worth millions.
During a late afternoon rainstorm, Anna Maude witnesses a pickup truck intentionally bump a cyclist off the road. Flying into the air, the cyclist plummets into a flooding irrigation ditch. Anna Maude stops, pulls the cyclist out of the rising water, and performs CPR. When he comes to, she helps him to his feet and removes his helmet. It’s Tony.
Nervously, Anna Maude takes Tony home, treats his worst scrapes and abrasions, and stays with him while he sleeps. A few nights later, someone torches Anna Maude’s house. She narrowly escapes out her bedroom window in just a nightgown and bare feet. When having seen the flames from his dining room window, Tony arrives on the scene; he and Anna Maude analyze the situation and conclude the hit-and-run and the fire are connected.
Anna Maude and Tony agree to join forces to find the culprit.
Tony shows Anna Maude his new evidence, an impressionistic painting of a cowboy who was seen the night Sally went missing. As soon as she sees it, Anna Maude knows the cowboy is Camilla’s husband, OWEN CROSS.
One of the other paintings in Tony’s collection is Sally’s unfinished still life of yellow roses. Anna Maude cautiously suggests the yellow rose bush that mysteriously appeared on the abandoned Oxley Farm a year after Sally’s disappearance is covering up her body.
They dig up the rose bush and find bones and a backpack.
At Sally’s crime scene, Anna Maude identifies a brass ball in the dirt as being very like those that usually adorn Owen Cross’s work gloves. Her observation prompts Owen’s son, KENNETH, to confess to being an accessory to Sally’s murder. Bravely, he names Owen the killer. Mike, who has been investigating Eloy Muñoz’s 40 year-old murder case suspects Owen of that murder, too. Later, Camilla comes forward with Owen’s hunting rifle.
A ballistics test proves Owen’s rifle fired the bullet that killed Jack…
Case closed… But then, just as the dust is settling, Anna Maude finds Jack’s Chinese artifacts in the bottom of an oat barrel. Now, Anna Maude and Tony must figure out to whom the extremely valuable artifacts rightly belong—but that’s another story.
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Amy’s Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is that when you have hooks in your script you create story questions that make the reader want to keep on reading.
Meagan
Basic character traits: nurturing, motherly, conniving, deceitful
Want/Need: Wants to keep Andrea away from Josh and her kids. Needs to be loved
Paradoxes: She is a loving mother figure to Josh’s kids and to fiancé to him, but she’s not above manipulating them to get what she wants
Secret: She pushed Andrea into the supercollider and caused her to be lost in time
Flaw: She will cheat to get what she wants
Special: She was the apple of her father’s eye until he died tragically in car accident when she was just 8.
Possible areas of subtext: Meagan is sweet and nurturing to Josh, Chloe and Benjamin, but nasty to Andrea when they are alone together.
Josh
Basic character traits: inquisitive, honest to a fault, dad jokes, his kids’ biggest cheerleader
Want/need: Wants to do right by the people in his life, needs to feel like he’s number one to his partner
Paradoxes: He is a hard core rule follower, tough on crime, but also a softie when it comes to his family
Secret: He once hid the details of a crime to keep a family from being torn apart.
Flaw: Has a temper
Special: He comes from a long line of men who were notoriously good at solving crimes.
Possible areas of subtext: Josh is a shark when he is interrogating a criminal, but he’s a pushover when it comes to his family.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – DUGOUT/STANDS – NIGHT
Benjamin keeps looking up in the stands towards where Josh is seated. Josh is distracted on the phone.
BENJAMIN
Dad!… Dad!
Josh tears himself away from his phone.
JOSH
What is it?
BENJAMIN
(mouthing)
Where’s Mom?
Josh throws his one free hand in the air and shrugs his shoulders.
Benjamin’s shoulders slump, disappointed.
WOMAN (O.S.)
Looking for his mom, huh?
It’s MEAGAN DONAHUE, 30s. She’s syrupy sweet and devious at the same time.
Josh is still distracted on the phone, but turns to Meagan.
JOSH
Hang on, Bob.
(to Meagan)
What? Oh. Yeah. She’s working.
Meagan smiles a winning smile at Josh.
MEGAN
Happens a lot, huh?
JOSH
Uh, yeah. Do I know you?
Meagan hold out her hand.
MEAGAN
No. We haven’t been formally introduced. I’m Meagan.
Meagan nods to the outfield.
MEAGAN
Number 3 sitting right next to your kid. He’s mine.
JOSH
Oh. Would you excuse me a second?
MEAGAN
Sure.
JOSH
Bob, can I call you back? Yeah. Just bring him in for questioning. I’ll be there as soon as I can.
Josh clicks off his phone. He turns his attention back to Meagan.
JOSH
Is there something I can do for you?
MEAGAN
No. But there might be something I can do for you.
JOSH
And what’s that?
Meagan whips out a calling card.
MEAGAN
I’m a nanny.
JOSH
Oh. I don’t need-
MEAGAN
It just seems you’re here alone a lot. I thought maybe you could use some help.
JOSH
Why have I never seen you before?
MEAGAN
You’re pretty distracted. I’m always here.
JOSH
Sorry.
MEAGAN
No worries. Well, nice to meet you. Let me know if change your mind.
Meagan saunters off.
-
Amy’s Suspense
What I learned doing this assignment is you can create suspense in just one scene or have it all the way through your script.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
Josh
Basic character traits: inquisitive, honest to a fault, dad jokes, his kids’ biggest cheerleader
Want/need: Wants to do right by the people in his life, needs to feel like he’s number one to his partner
Paradoxes: He is a hard core rule follower, tough on crime, but also a softie when it comes to his family
Secret: He once hid the details of a crime to keep a family from being torn apart.
Flaw: Has a temper
Special: He comes from a long line of men who were notoriously good at solving crimes.
The Promise: Andrea will choose her family and attend her daughter’s dance recital
What matters: Having her family back together and whole again
The delay: Andrea’s boss threatens to fire her if she doesn’t go cover the fire at the lab
INT. – NEWSROOM – ANDREA’S DESK – NIGHT
Andrea is packing up her stuff to go home. Tom comes rushing over to her desk.
TOM
Andrea, there’s a fire at the university science lab. I need you to go cover it.
ANDREA
I promised my daughter I’d be at her dance recital tonight.
TOM
I thought you wanted that promotion to 6 o’clock anchor.
ANDREA
I do, but I promised her.
TOM
Andrea, you can decide how far you go in this business… or don’t go. Now, if it’s not going to be you, I can always send Jonnie.
ANDREA
No! I’ll do it!
Just then, Andrea’s phone rings. Josh’s name comes up on her phone’s screen.
ANDREA
Hi. What’s up?
INT. AUDITORIUM – BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Josh stands with his phone to his ear. Meagan can be seen consoling a crying Chloe in the background.
JOSH
Hi. Are you on your way? Something’s happened. Chloe needs you.
INTERCUT PHONE CONVERSATION
ANDREA
Oh, no! What’s wrong?
JOSH
She ripped her costume. No one here knows how to sew.
Andrea puts her hand to her forehead, stressed.
ANDREA
Oh, alright! I’m coming.
Tom walks by and gives her a startled look. Matt rushes in.
MATT
Are you ready to go? I’ve got the van ready.
JOSH
So you’re coming?
ANDREA
There’s breaking news.
JOSH
Seriously, Andrea?
ANDREA
Oh, I don’t know. I’ll call you back.
Andrea hangs up.
MATT
All right. Let’s go!
Andrea gets up and follows Matt out the door.
EXT. – PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Andrea starts to walk towards the news van with Matt, then stops abruptly and turns towards the parked cars.
MATT
Andrea, where are you going?
Andrea stops again, looks bewildered for a second, then turns back towards the news van, but nope… She stops again and turns back towards the cars.
Matt realizes she’s not behind him.
MATT
What is it? Come on. We’re going to miss it!
Andrea stops yet again.
ANDREA
Gah!
She turns back towards the van and gets in. They drive away.
-
Amy’s Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned doing this assignment is that there are many ways you can create anticipatory dialogue and that it makes the script a better read.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
INT. NEWSROOM – MAKEUP ROOM – NIGHT
Andrea starts to get up from the makeup chair. Joannie runs in with papers in her hand.
JOANNIE
Here’s your script. How’d you get Tom to let you do the live instead of Cynthia?
ANDREA
I just convinced him she needed time to get ready for the regular newscast. Besides, he knows how bad I want the extra exposure.
JOANNIE
You’re missing dinner with your family again.
ANDREA
There will be other dinners.
JOANNIE
No if you become the 6 o’clock anchor. Do you ever think about just staying where you are?
ANDREA
What? And be the noon anchor for the rest of my life? I would die!
JOANNIE
I’m just saying…
ANDREA
What?
JOANNIE
Look, we’ve been friends for years, so I feel like I can say this. You shouldn’t take your family for granted. We’re never guaranteed tomorrow.
ANDREA
What are you talking about? I don’t take them for granted, but my career is my life.
Joannie sighs.
JOANNIE
Yeah. I know.
-
Amy’s’ Anticipation Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is you can make a script an exciting read just by the way you write the descriptions.
Movie: Bonfire of the Vanities
The script creates anticipation by using very vivid and descriptive language. It also moves very fast from one location to another and things are happening very quickly. Another thing that keeps you reading is you want to know who the character is. He’s obviously someone famous. You also want to know what’s going to happen to him. That question never gets answered in this scene, so naturally, you want to keep reading, but the next scene is something totally different, so the question still isn’t answered and you keep reading.
Rev. 5/25/90 *
BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES
FADE IN:
1 EXT. MANHATTAN SKYLINE – NIGHT 1
MOVING IN FAST MOTION — a kaleidoscopic jewel box — glittering, shining and speeding PAST our eyes.
2 ANGLE 2
MOVING south TO north FROM the Battery and the World Trade Center, streets and buildings FLIPPING PAST like black diamonds spilling INTO our peripheral vision and DISAPPEARING as we SPEED uptown TOWARD…
3 FIFTH AVENUE – NIGHT 3
Cars and people caught in the same frantic ballet of shining lights as we RACE UP the avenue, and the voice of Peter Fallow speaks to us…
PETER (V.O.)
Yes. We’re getting closer. Can you feel it. Can you see it? The heat. The brilliance. Moving fast into the heart of it. Buzz. Buzz. Can you feel the buzz? The city is pulling you in. The city of light. The city of diabolical promise. The city of answered prayers.
4 OMITTED 4
thru thru
11 11
A11A EXT. STREET – LIMOUSINE – NIGHT A11A
pulls up to the World Financial Center and drives into the lower garage.
A11B INT. LOADING AREA – LIMOUSINE – NIGHT A11B
pulls up. A male and female aide — both carrying walkie-talkies — rush to open the door. They pry PETER
FALLOW from the back seat. He is wearing a tuxedo and dark glasses. He is very drunk, disheveled and cheerful beyond his means. CONTINUE IN ONE SHOT as…
TWO AIDES
try to lead Fallow into the building. Fallow is clutching a whiskey decanter and a seltzer bottle. He leans
heavily on the aides, stumbles and can barely stay on his feet.
(CONTINUED)
)T( BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES – Rev. 5/25/90 2. *
A11B CONTINUED: A11B
MINI CART
approaches. The aides flag it down and throw Fallow onto the cart. The cart carries him past the garbage container into a long tunnel-like corridor.
FALLOW
sways on the cart, trying to mix a drink for himself — he pulls a glass out of one pocket and some ice cubes out of another pocket. But he is physically incompetent.
FEMALE AIDE
jumps onto the cart and tries to hold him up. The male aide runs alongside the cart.
VARIOUS WAITERS
in black tie carry covered silver trays as they trot through the tunnel.
VARIOUS BUSBOYS
come running in the other way, pushing carts filled with dirty dishes and glasses.
CART
comes to the end of the tunnel and jerks to a halt. Fallow loses his balance and sprays the female aide with soda water.
MALE AIDE
pulls Fallow off the cart and continues to lead him through a dark, red-lit area. Several security guards
run to meet them. The guards and the aide now escort Fallow through the area.
A FEW PHOTOGRAPHERS
pop out of nowhere, trying to get a picture. The guards push them away and lead Fallow into a lighted corridor.
FOREIGN DIPLOMAT
and his wife and daughter join the entourage as they head for an elevator. The diplomat offers Fallow a pen and a book to autograph. Fallow misses the pen and falls face down into the breasts of the diplomat’s daughter. The guards pull him into the elevator.
(CONTINUED)
)T( BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES – Rev. 5/25/90 3. *
A11B CONTINUED: (2) A11B
CART OF FOOD
is in the elevator — a tray of salmon mousse in the shape of a three-foot salmon. The elevator starts to
move. Fallow falls into the mousse. The aide pulls him up and tries to clean him off.
ELEVATOR DOORS
open. Fallow is led out of the elevator. Several other aides approach him and pull off his soiled jacket and shirt and change them for fresh ones as they move.
SOME BROADWAY AUTOGRAPH HOUNDS
rush Fallow, snapping pictures with little Instamatics and trying to get an autograph.
FALLOW
is led through the corridor and into…
WINTERGARDEN
A ten story glass atrium. A black tie party. A sixtyfoot banner with Fallow’s name on it. Wild applause.
But before Fallow can get his bearings…
WALL OF FLASHING CAMERAS
obliterate the view. Fallow staggers, clutching his head and we…
DISSOLVE TO:
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Amy’s Dialogue on The Attack!
What I learned doing this assignment is I could stand to have a better handle on my characters. Andrea is taking shape, but Josh is kind of vague. I can definitely see how trying to write a scene this way makes it a lot more interesting.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
Josh
Basic character traits: inquisitive, honest to a fault, dad jokes, his kids’ biggest cheerleader
Want/need: Wants to do right by the people in his life, needs to feel like he’s number one to his partner
Paradoxes: He is a hardcore rule follower, tough on crime, but also a softie when it comes to his family
Secret: He once hid the details of a crime to keep a family from being torn apart.
Flaw: Has a temper
Special: He comes from a long line of men who were notoriously good at solving crimes.
INT. –NEWSROOM – MAKEUP ROOM -NIGHT
Newsroom employees can be seen through the door scurrying back and forth. Something exciting is happening.
The MAKE-UP LADY is putting blush on Andrea. She finishes
Andrea punches a few buttons on her phone and puts it up to her ear.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh’s phone buzzes. He picks it up and continues to stir something in a skillet.
JOSH
I hope you’re calling to tell me you’re on your way home.
INT. – NEWSROOM – MAKEUP ROOM – NIGHT
Andrea shoos the make-up lady away.
ANDREA
What are you wearing?
INTERCUT PHONE CONVERSATION
JOSH
Two unhappy children.
ANDREA
I have to cover this story. It could be my big break.
JOSH
I’ll miss you too.
ANDREA
But you’ll love all the money I’ll be making when I’m working for the network.
Josh sighs and hangs his head.
ANDREA
Besides, you’ll be up when I get home, right? For some quality time?
A smile spreads across Josh’s face.
JOSH
Ugh! What am I going to do with you?
0
-
Amy’s Decreased Budget
What I learned doing this assignment is there are other ways to accomplish a dramatic goal besides the most expensive one that comes to mind.
1. The high budget item I’m letting go of: NYC Rockefeller Center location
2. Dramatic goal I’m trying to accomplish with this scene: The tree at the Rockefeller center is iconic and the lighting every year is a really big deal. It’s always on TV with a well-known announcer and well-known musical acts. Jack who is only 8 gets really excited about this and lives in a suburb of New York City, so knowing that it’s really close, he of course, wants to go see it for himself.
3. How I can accomplish the dramatic goal without the expense: I think lots of big cities put up a tree in the city center. These scenes could take place in one of these other cities that isn’t so iconic and consequently, so expensive.
-
Amy’s Misleads and Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment is that you can use this on any scene and make it more interesting. This scene is really lame, but it was going to be even lamer without the mislead.
Josh
Basic character traits: inquisitive, honest to a fault, dad jokes, his kids’ biggest cheerleader
Want/need: Wants to do right by the people in his life, needs to feel like he’s number one to his partner
Paradoxes: He is a hardcore rule follower, tough on crime, but also a softie when it comes to his family
Secret: He once hid the details of a crime to keep a family from being torn apart.
Flaw: Has a temper
Special: He comes from a long line of men who were notoriously good at solving crimes.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Chloe and Benjamin sit at the kitchen table. Chloe writes furiously, looking back and forth between her paper and her textbook. Benjamin reads. Josh is engrossed by something on his phone.
Chloe abruptly stops what she’s doing and looks up at her dad.
CHLOE
Dad?
JOSH
(without looking up)
Yeah?
CHLOE
When’s mom coming home?
JOSH
She’s not.
Josh finally looks up.
JOSH
She was discovered today.
CHLOE
Discovered?
JOSH
Yeah, by a Hollywood director.
BENJAMIN
Really?
CHLOE
Is mom going to be in a movie?
JOSH
I’m sure she will eventually. She’s very attractive and the camera loves her.
BENJAMIN
But what about us? You said she was just working late.
JOSH
You’ve got me.
CHLOE
No offense dad, but you can’t even do 7th-grade math.
JOSH
Neither can your mom.
CHLOE
Dad! Are we ever going to see her again?
BENJAMIN
Yeah! I can’t believe she would just leave us like that!
JOSH
Okay, relax you two. She IS just working late, and I don’t know exactly when she’ll be home. Knowing her, probably after we’ve all gone to bed.
Chloe and Benjamin sigh in relief.
CHLOE
DAD! That wasn’t funny!
-
Amy Creates a Future
What I learned doing this assignment is this technique can be used on scenes that would otherwise be dull and boring. Hopefully, this scene has the desired effect and makes the reader want to keep reading.
Meagan
Basic character traits: nurturing, motherly, conniving, deceitful
Want/Need: Wants to keep Andrea away from Josh and her kids. Needs to be loved
Paradoxes: She is a loving mother figure to Josh’s kids and to fiancé to him, but she’s not above manipulating them to get what she wants
Secret: She pushed Andrea into the supercollider and caused her to be lost in time
Flaw: She will cheat to get what she wants
Special: She was the apple of her father’s eye until he died tragically in car accident when she was just 8.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
EXT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
The MAYOR of Johnston City stands next to a MAN in a lab coat just in front of the double doors leading inside the lab and behind a huge red ribbon. He holds a giant pair of scissors. They stand before a small gathering of people, one of which is MEAGAN, 30s. She looks likes she’s up to no good.
Andrea stands off to the side with Matt. Matt is holding his camera and recording the ceremony.
MAYOR
And so I’d like to invite Dr. Ronald Smity up to help me cut the ribbon and officially open the Johnston City University Science Lab.
PROFESSOR SMITY, 60S, sports a head full of white hair. He walks with a cane and wears glasses on the tip of his nose.
PROFESSOR SMITY
Thank you, Mayor. It’s an honor to be with you here today. We already have lots of important work in progress, and I can’t wait to share it all with you.
MAYOR
Great! Let’s cut the ribbon!
They cut the ribbon.
There is APPLAUSE FROM THE CROWD and the CLICKING OF CAMERAS CAN BE HEARD.
Meagan rushes up to Dr. Smity.
MEAGAN
Dr. Smity?
DR. SMITY
Yes?
MEAGAN
I’m your new teacher’s assistant.
DR. SMITY
Oh, yes. I did hear that you were coming. Nice to have you.
MEAGAN
I’m really excited to get to work with you on the new supercollider. I hear it’s nearly finished.
DR. SMITY
Yes, getting very close.
MEAGAN
I’ve been doing some research, and I understand that time travel is a very real possibility with the supercollider.
Dr. Smity looks taken aback.
DR. SMITY
Uh, yes, possible, but not advisable. Why are you-
ANDREA (O.S.)
Dr. Smity!
Dr. Smity tears his attention away from Meagan.
DR. SMITY
Yes?
ANDREA
Andrea Richards with WBEN. I wonder if could steal a moment of your time for an interview.
MEAGAN
Andrea Richards! I watch you on TV every day!
She holds her hand out the Andrea.
MEAGAN
Meagan Donahue. Dr. Smity’s new TA.
ANDREA
Nice to meet you.
MEAGAN
Our sons are on the same baseball team. I know your husband.
ANDREA
You know my husband?
MEAGAN
And your kids!
ANDREA
Funny, I don’t remember seeing you there. Do you only talk to my husband and kids when I’m not there?
Dr. Smity clears his throat.
DR. SMITTY
Um, ladies.
ANDREA
Oh! So sorry, Dr. Smity. Where were we?
-
Amy is Being Dramatic
What I learned from doing this assignment is that you can add drama to most every scene.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
INT. – MEAGAN’S CAR – NIGHT
Meagan stares through the windshield as the science lab burns. Suddenly, SIRENS ARE HEARD.
Meagan quickly starts up her engine and exits the parking lot.
INT. – NEWS VAN – NIGHT
Matt the cameraman drives the van. Andrea listens to the scanner and scribbles notes.
DISPATCHER (O.S.)
Flames and smoke showing from exterior. One entrapment at this time. All units 10-33 traffic.
ANDREA
Oh, no! Is it Professor Smity? Drive faster!
Matt steps on the gas.
EXT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
The lab is ablaze. Multiple fire trucks, an ambulance and a couple of police cars are there.
The WBEN news van pulls in screeching tires.
Andrea and Matt jump out, microphone and camera ready.
Andrea turns to the camera.
ANDREA
Are we rolling?
MATT
In 3-
Matt points to Andrea
ANDREA
Ladies at gentlemen, were at the Johnston City University science lab which is at this moment on fire. Let’s see if we can find out what happened.
Andrea walks over to a POLICEMAN.
ANDREA
Here is Sergeant Davis from the Johnston City PD. Sergeant, do you have any idea what caused this?
SERGEANT DAVIS
Not yet. Once we get this under control, we begin our investigation.
ANDREA
Thank you, Sergeant Davis.
Just then, two PARAMEDICS wheel out Professor Smitty. He has an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, but he’s trying to talk.
ANDREA
It looks like Professor Smity has something he wants to say. Let’s go speak with him.
Andrea runs to him, followed by Matt.
ANDREA
Professor Smity, are you okay?
PARAMEDIC
He’s suffering from smoke inhalation. He shouldn’t talk.
But Professor Smity removes the mask from his face. He immediately starts coughing and choking.
PARAMEDIC
Sir, you need to put the mask back on.
PROFESSOR SMITY
I know who did this.
SERGEANT DAVIS
You mean this was intentional?
PROFESSOR SMITTY
I saw her slipping out the back. She didn’t see me.
SERGEANT DAVIS
Who?
PROFESSOR SMITY
Meagan Donahue, my TA.
Sergeant Davis turns to ANOTHER POLICEMAN standing there.
SERGEANT DAVIS
Let’s bring her in for questioning. Look her up.
ANDREA
No need. I know exactly where she is.
-
Amy’s Fantastic Treatment
What I learned doing this assignment is that different producers want different kinds of treatments, and you have to communicate with them to find out what their expectations are.
Title: In Pursuit of Life
Genre: Faith-based drama
Logline: A woman in charge of organizing the local symphony’s fundraiser, dreams that an expectant mother is going to abandon her babies. With the help of a homeless guy and one of the symphony’s French horn players, she sets out in search of the babies after the mom disappears.
Opening: Christie is the marketing director of the Riverside Symphony Orchestra. She is in charge of planning a fundraiser for a local homeless shelter. Christie meets one of the homeless men living at the shelter. His name is Ben and there’s something special about him that Christie can’t quite put her finger on. Christie has a boyfriend named Blaze who is all wrong for her and doesn’t support her. The one thing that they have in common is that neither of them wants kids. Christie had a miscarriage at one point in her life and she blames God and also feels like it’s her fault. This is the main reason that she doesn’t want kids.
Inciting incident: Christie has a dream about a mom abandoning her babies. Christie is attending one of the orchestra’s rehearsals when one of the French horn players, Jacob, a “religious” guy notices that she is distracted and asks if she’s okay. She decides to open up to him about her dream. He tells her that he thinks it’s a message.
End of Act I: The guest conductor, Angela shows up to begin rehearsing with the orchestra. It’s the woman from Christie’s dream and she’s about 8 months pregnant! She doesn’t look anything like the picture that Christie saw of her. Her hair is a different color, her face is all puffy.
First half of Act II: Christie confides in Jacob that Angela is the woman from his dreams. Christie makes several attempts to try and befriend Angela, but she’s keeping everyone at arm’s length.
Christie and Jacob go snooping in Angela’s past.
Christie confides in Ben about her dream and Angela. Ben agrees with Jacob that it’s a message and gives her advice about how to be a friend to Angela.
Blaze notices that Christie is preoccupied with something and coaxes out of her what is going on. He tries to convince her that the dream meant nothing and that she’s crazy.
Now that Blaze knows what’s going on, he won’t let Christie have one moment alone. He shows up unexpectedly when she’s at a rehearsal and he has an interesting, but disturbing fascination with Angela. Every time Christie tries to talk to Angela, Blaze interrupts.
Christie announces that tickets have sold out for the fundraising concert.
Christie and Jacob are getting close and having discussions about spiritual things without really talking about God.
Midpoint: Angela goes missing just as her baby is due.
Second half of Act II: The symphony’s regular conductor has to take over rehearsals.
Ben tells Christie that she has to find the babies and save them.
Christie and Jacob attempt to start looking for Angela and/or the babies, but Blaze is constantly interfering. Eventually he announces that he’s going to help them, but he’s really sending them off on rabbit trails. Christie and Jacob realize that Blaze is not on their side.
Ben seems to appear out of nowhere while Christie and Jacob are on their search to let them know they are on the wrong path and to give them clues. Christie and Jacob want to know if Ben knows where the babies are, and if he does, why can’t he just tell them. He says he can’t but doesn’t explain.
On one of their searches, Christie and Jacob realize they are attracted to one another and almost kiss, but they get interrupted.
Ben appears to Christie to tell her the babies are safe, but something it off about him. He doesn’t seem himself.
Christie tells Jacob about her meeting with Ben and he agrees that something if off and they shouldn’t trust what “Ben” said.
All is Lost: Angela turns up dead and no longer pregnant. Still no sign of the babies.
Act III: A news report comes on that two abandoned babies have been found and left at an area hospital. Christie and Jacob set off for the hospital, but Blaze gets in his car and tries to cause them to have a wreck. Suddenly, Ben appears in the car with Christie and Jacob and tells them how to head off Blaze.
Christie, Jacob and Ben make it to the hospital and run right in the find Blaze already there.
Ben and Blaze have a confrontation. They seem to know each other. Christie and Jacob are confused, then:
Ben is suddenly all cleaned up and kind of glowing. Blaze is suddenly dressed all in black and his eyes become fiery. It’s suddenly clear that neither of them is of this world.
After Christie Jacob get over their shock, they tell the attendant at the desk that they want to see the abandoned babies. The attendant tells them they can’t see them unless they are going to claim them. Christie has to search within herself to decide if she really wants to do this or not. Blaze reminds her that she never wanted kids and tells her that claiming the babies will derail her life. Ben tells her that if she doesn’t claim the babies, they’ll go to foster care. Jacob chimes in and says he believes that God wants Christies to have the babies. He vows to help her because he’s fallen in love with her and he wants to have a life with her. Christie it touched by Jacob’s declaration of love but scoffs at the idea that God wants her to have the babies. Ben reminds her of all the times in her life when things just seem to work out and she was saved from some disaster or another. He also reminds her of the interactions she’s had with children over the years and how those interactions show that she is destined to be a mom. He explains that if she had had her baby, something would have gone terribly wrong and both she and the baby would have died. Christie sees that God has been there all along even though she went through hard things as a child and she stopped acknowledging him at all when she lost her baby. Christie realizes it is meant to be for her to have the babies. She tells the attendant she wants to claim the babies.
Christie and Jacob get up to the floor, but Blaze is already there saying he wants to claim the babies. Christie and Jacob try to warn the nurse about Blaze, but she doesn’t believe them.
Just as the nurse is about to let Blaze in to see the babies, Ben appears and demands that Blaze stop. Blaze laughs an evil laugh and tells Ben he’s been beaten. Ben tells Blaze that good always wins in the end and reminds him that it’s his destiny to be thrown in the lake of fire. Blaze cries nooooooo and dissolves into a puff of black smoke.
The symphony concert goes off without a hitch. Jacob plays the French horn and Christies stands in the wings with both babies in her arms.
Christie and Jacob watch the news that night and learn that Angela was killed by the father of her babies and the father confessed that he killed her because he didn’t want the babies and she did and that he was actually the one that left them in an alley to die.
Tag: One year later, Christie and Jacob are married and celebrating the babies’ turning 1 year-old.
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Amy’s Synopsis for Producer Interview
What I learned doing this assignment is that it really helps to talk through your idea with someone else to clarify some things in your own concept. As the writer, a conversation with the producer is crucial to make sure you understand their vision for their project.
As the “producer,” it really helped to talk through my project with the “writer” because she asked some questions that made me think of things that are important to the story but that I hadn’t given enough thought to. This helped me clarify my own vision for my project.
As the “writer,” this conversation with the producer was crucial to understanding their vision for their project and to also pick their brain and learn the details of the story not included in the synopsis. I learned that even though my partner’s synopsis was short, she had most all of the story details already worked out.
My project:
Title: In Pursuit of Life
Genre: Faith-based drama
Logline: A woman in charge of organizing the local symphony’s fundraiser, dreams that an expectant mother is going to abandon her babies. With the help of a homeless guy and one of the symphony’s French horn players, she sets out in search of the babies after the mom disappears.
Synopsis: Christie Turner is the marketing director of the Riverside Symphony Orchestra. She’s recently been tasked with planning a fundraiser for a local homeless shelter. When Christie meets one of the homeless men living at the shelter named Ben, she senses that there is something special about him that she can’t quite put her finger on.
Christie has a boyfriend named Blaze who is all wrong for her and doesn’t support her. The one thing that they have in common is that neither of them wants kids. Christie had a miscarriage at one point in her life and she blames God and also feels like it’s her fault.
One night, Christie has a dream about a mom abandoning her babies. She is attending one of the orchestra’s rehearsals when one of the French horn players, Jacob, a “religious” guy notices that she is distracted and asks if she’s okay. She decides to open up to him about her dream. He tells her that he thinks it’s a message.
When Christie first meets the guest conductor for the fundraising concert, Angela, she recognizes her immediately. It’s the woman from her dream and she’s about 8 months pregnant!
Christie gets advice from both Ben and Jacob and tries unsuccessfully to befriend Angela. Blaze catches on to what Christie is doing and tries to interfere. Christie and Jacob start getting close and having discussions about spiritual things.
Just as Angela’s due date arrives, she goes missing. Ben tells Christie that she has to find the babies and save them. Christie and Jacob attempt to start looking for Angela and/or the babies, but Blaze is constantly interfering.
Ben helps Christie and Jacob with their search while Blaze does everything in his power to stop them. On one of their searches, Christie and Jacob realize they are attracted to one another and almost kiss, but they get interrupted.
One day, Angela turns up dead and no longer pregnant and there’s still no sign of the babies. Then, a news report comes on that two abandoned babies have been found and left at an area hospital. Christie and Jacob set off for the hospital. At the hospital, Ben and Blaze confront one another and their true identities are revealed. Ben is an angel and Blaze is the devil. After some soul searching, Christie decides that she wants to claim the babies. Jacob declares his love for Christie.
The symphony concert goes off without a hitch. Jacob plays the French horn and Christie stands in the wings with both babies in her arms.
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Amy’s Crucible
What I learned doing this assignment is this technique is better if the situation that the characters are in forces an issue. That’s not what happened in this scene. Anyway, I can see how this adds suspense and makes a scene more interesting.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
Subtext: concealing
Josh
Basic character traits: inquisitive, honest to a fault, dad jokes, his kids’ biggest cheerleader
Want/need: Wants to do right by the people in his life, needs to feel like he’s number one to his partner
Paradoxes: He is a hardcore rule follower, tough on crime, but also a softie when it comes to his family
Secret: He once hid the details of a crime to keep a family from being torn apart.
Flaw: Has a temper
Special: He comes from a long line of men who were notoriously good at solving crimes.
Subtext: polite
INT. AIRPLANE – DAY
Andrea and Josh sit across from one another. Andrea looks into the TV camera being held by the CAMERAMAN.
ANDREA
Ladies and gentlemen, as promised, I’m about to jump out of this plane, and I’ve got my husband Josh here for moral support. Are you ready for this Josh?
JOSH
Anything for you, honey.
Andrea giggles.
ANDREA
I’ll take that as a yes.
The INSTRUCTOR walks up to them.
INSTRUCTOR
All right! You two are next!
Andrea looks into the camera.
ANDREA
Oh, dear. Here we go.
Andrea stands up and grabs Josh’s hand.
They walk to the big opening on the side of the plane, the camera following them.
INSTRUCTOR
Okay. Josh, you go first. Then Andrea immediately after.
Andrea looks nervously at the camera.
ANDREA
Okay.
INSTRUCTOR
Go!
Josh tentatively jumps and he’s gone.
INSTRUCTOR
Okay, Andrea. Go!
Andrea hesitates a few seconds but then jumps.
ANDREA
Aaaahhh!
EXT. SKY – DAY
Both Andrea and Josh a freefalling some distance away from each other but close enough to hear each other yelling.
JOSH
Honey, are you okay.
His parachute deploys.
ANDREA
Uh… I think so.
Andrea’s parachute deploys.
JOSH
I’ve got something to tell you.
ANDREA
What?
JOSH
I hired a nanny.
ANDREA
What? Why? Who is it?
JOSH
Her name is Meagan. She’s a TA at the university.
ANDREA
You’re telling me this now?
JOSH
You’re never around to talk to.
ANDREA
Unhire her.
JOSH
I’m not going to do that.
They approach a green meadow.
ANDREA
I don’t want some stranger in my house and spending time with my children.
JOSH
Well, there’s another option.
ANDREA
What’s that?
JOSH
You could spend time with them.
Josh flutters to the ground while Andrea still floats through the air.
Andrea has a scowl on her face.
Then she lands a few feet away from Josh.
A WOMAN comes over to help them out of their parachutes.
Andrea shrugs out of hers and storms off.
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Amy’s Amazing Setting
What I learned doing this assignment is that most of my settings are useful but not amazing. Some scenes I felt were not really amazing, but I couldn’t see them taking place anywhere else.
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene: Chloe confides in Andrea about her bully. Andrea gives her advice that’s not really helpful.
Setting: Andrea’s home
AFTER:
New Setting: Ice cream shop
How this has improved the scene: I imagine this is one of those ice cream places that gives you outrageously large servings and all kinds of wild topping choices. The ice cream could be a focal point of their conversation at first.
BEFORE:
Essence of Scene: Josh informs Andrea that he’s hired a nanny. Her name is Meagan, the TA from the university. Josh and Andrea get into a fight.
Setting: Andrea’s home
AFTER:
New Setting: Airplane
How this has improved the scene: Andrea is doing a story on parachuting. She asks Josh to come along for moral support. He chooses this moment to tell her that he hired a nanny. She pushes him out of the plane. (His parachute opens, of course.)
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Amy’s Setup/Payoff
What I learned doing this assignment is that to some degree setups and payoffs arise almost organically in the storytelling process.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
Subtext: Concealing
Josh
Basic character traits: inquisitive, honest to a fault, dad jokes, his kids’ biggest cheerleader
Want/need: Wants to do right by the people in his life, needs to feel like he’s number one to his partner
Paradoxes: He is a hardcore rule follower, tough on crime, but also a softie when it comes to his family
Secret: He once hid the details of a crime to keep a family from being torn apart.
Flaw: Has a temper
Special: He comes from a long line of men who were notoriously good at solving crimes.
Subtext: polite
INT. – UNIVERSITY LAB – DAY
Professor Smitty tinkers with the supercollider.
PROFESSOR SMITTY
Ah! That’s it!
He flips the power switch and the machine comes to life.
Suddenly, he seems to remember something and quickly leaves the room.
The machine gets loud and suddenly…
Andrea pops out of the machine. She’s disoriented.
ANDREA
Professor Smitty? Matt? What happened? Where did everybody go?
Andrea picks up her phone. She punches a few buttons, but she’s having trouble.
ANDREA
What’s wrong with this thing?
She spots a landline phone on a desk. She rushes over to pick it up. She dials a number
ANDREA
Hello? Barbara?… It’s Andrea. Something went wrong with the story. I lost Matt. And the professor… No, this is not a prank… Hello? Barbara?
Andrea takes the phone from her ear and stares at it, bewildered.
INT. – HALLWAY – DAY
Andrea slips out of the lab as Professor Smitty is coming down the hall. He’s looking down at some papers and totally misses her.
EXT. – SCIENCE LAB/STREET – DAY
Andrea bursts through the doors and runs to the street.
She looks around and appears lost.
A taxi drives by. Andrea stops it and gets in.
INT. – TAXI – DAY
ANDREA
WBEN, please.
EXT. – STREET/WBEN – DAY
Andrea jumps out of the taxi.
She goes to the door and tries her electronic key, but it doesn’t work.
She picks up the phone and waits.
ANDREA
Bob! It’s Andrea. My key isn’t working. Can you let me in?… No, this isn’t a joke. Bob, let me in!
A LOUD CLICK IS HEARD.
ANDREA
What is going on?
She turns back to the street and starts walking towards the parking garage.
INT. PARKING GARAGE – DAY
Andrea looks around for her car but becomes very confused when she can’t find it.
She gives up and walks back out.
EXT. – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
A taxi pulls up to Andrea’s home. She gets out and runs up the walkway.
She puts her key in the door, but it doesn’t work.
She rings the bell.
ANDREA
Josh, my key isn’t working. Can you let me in?
The door opens. It’s Josh. He turns pale at the sight of her.
JOSH
Andrea?
Andrea brushes past him and into the house.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – FOYER – DAY
Andrea looks around. Everything is different.
ANDREA
What have you done to the house, and why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?
JOSH
Where have you been?
ANDREA
I was at work. Something went wrong. I went back in time. Why are you home on a Wednesday?
JOSH
Something went wrong? It’s Saturday.
CHLOE/BENJAMIN (O.S.)
MOM!
Chloe and Benjamin tear across the room and embrace their mother. Chloe starts to cry.
CHLOE
We thought you were dead.
ANDREA
What?
BENJAMIN
Where have you been?
ANDREA
What’s wrong with everyone? Why did you think I was dead? I was just taking a stroll through the past, but I’m back now.
JOSH
You were strolling through the past for a whole year?
ANDREA
What do you mean a whole year?
JOSH
You disappeared on November 18, 2021.
ANDREA
What day is today?
JOSH
November 19, 2022.
Andrea grows very pale.
ANDREA
I need to sit down.
CHLOE
Here, Mom. Come to the living room.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Amy Falkofske.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by
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Amy’s Twists
What I learned doing this assignment is that every great movie has plot twists, but mine didn’t really have any good ones until I had to do this assignment.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls
Subtext: concealing
Meagan
Basic character traits: nurturing, motherly, conniving, deceitful
Want/Need: Wants to keep Andrea away from Josh and her kids. Needs to be loved
Paradoxes: She is a loving mother figure to Josh’s kids and to fiancé to him, but she’s not above manipulating them to get what she wants
Secret: She pushed Andrea into the supercollider and caused her to be lost in time
Flaw: She will cheat to get what she wants
Special: She was the apple of her father’s eye until he died tragically in car accident when she was just 8.
Subtext: deceitful
Joannie – not well-defined because she was an afterthought. Basically, she’s Andrea’s sounding board who secretly wants to be an anchor just like Andrea and gets the chance when Andrea disappears.
Setup: Andrea “accidentally” got sucked into the time machine when the professor was demonstrating it for her and ended up a year into the future. While she was gone, Meagan, the woman her husband hired to be the kids’ nanny got involved with her husband and basically took over her life. Andrea has uncovered the fact that Meagan was responsible for her getting sucked into the machine. Andrea now wants to push Meagan into the machine. Joannie has been Andrea’s friend all through the story up to this point. She rose to stardom at the station after Andrea went missing.
EXT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea and Joannie walk the long walkway that leads to the science lab.
JOANNIE
Are you really going to do this? You could get fired.
ANDREA
I do what I have to do to win the game.
JOANNIE
Do you think it will work?
ANDREA
It worked on me.
The pair approach the double doors leading into the lab.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Meagan sits at a desk in the corner of the room studying.
ANDREA
Hello, Meagan.
Meagan jumps.
MEAGAN
What are you doing here?
ANDREA
I’d like you to show me how the machine works.
MEAGAN
The professor already showed you, and I’m not allowed to-
ANDREA
Save it.
Andrea pulls a USB drive out of her purse.
ANDREA
I know what you did. It’s all right here.
Meagan stares at Andrea in disbelief.
She walks hesitantly over to the machine with Andrea and Joannie following closely.
She flips a switch. It whirs to life.
Andrea raises her hand to give Meagan a shove and nearly falls into the machine. Meagan slips out of her reach just in time, grabs the USB as she goes.
MEAGAN
(laughing)
Did you really think I would fall for that?
Meagan grabs her things and runs out of the room.
Andrea looks over a Joannie. Joannie’s face is expressionless.
Next, the unthinkable happens.
Joannie gives Andrea a shove.
Andrea nearly falls into the machine again, but manages to grab a hold of Joannie.
ANDREA
Joannie, what are you doing?
The two struggle.
JOANNIE
Everything was going great for me until you came back. I finally got my shot. I was going to be an anchor, but NO! You took that from me.
Andrea manages to move the struggle away from the machine.
She tries to free herself from Joannie’s grip, but she won’t let go.
ANDREA
I’m sorry. Why can’t we both be successful?
JOANNIE
It won’t work. As long as you’re around, I’ll be in your shadow.
Joannie tries to push Andrea towards the machine, but she fights back.
ANDREA
This isn’t the answer.
JOANNIE
Why not? You were about to do it to Meagan.
ANDREA
You’re both insane!
With that Andrea exerts enough force to both turn Joannie toward the machine and shake her off. As Joannie reels backward, she falls into the machine.
SWOOSH
Joannie disappears.
Andrea stares in disbelief at the spot where Joannie had just stood.
She raises her hand to her mouth.
ANDREA
Oh, dear. What was I thinking? How am I ever going to explain this?
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Amy’s Dramatic Irony
What I learned doing this assignment is your story doesn’t have to be horror or drama for dramatic irony to work. I had a lot of trouble identifying a scene that I could use this technique in, but once I did, I think it improved what the scene would have been otherwise by 1,000%.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Andrea looks around the kitchen, not sure what to do.
She wanders over to the line of recipe books and picks up one labeled “Cookies.”
She starts thumbing through the pages
ANDREA
Cookies, cookies. Chocolate chip cookies! Everyone likes chocolate chip cookies.
She starts furiously pulling things out of the refrigerator and cabinets.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT – LATER
Andrea stands in front of the oven and peers through the window.
The TIMER DINGS.
She opens the door and pulls the cookies out. They are a little burnt. Andrea scowls at them.
ANDREA
All right. Good enough I guess.
EXT. – GROCERY STORE – DAY
Chloe stands behind a table with her FRIENDS from her swim team.
Meagan and Karen are busy arranging all the baked goods on the table.
MEAGAN
Oh, we have so many yummy goodies. We’ll probably make enough money to completely pay our way to regionals.
GIRLS
Whoo! Yay!
CHOLE
Meagan’s chocolate chip cookies will probably sell first. Everyone knows they’re legendary.
Meagan gives Chloe a big bear hug.
MEAGAN
Awww, Chloe Bear. You’re so sweet!
KAREN
She’s right you know. That’s why I made a cake. I didn’t want anyone comparing me to you.
Everyone laughs.
Just then, Andrea comes running up, late, with her barely wrapped, slightly burnt cookies sloshing all over the plate.
ANDREA
Chloe! Hi, honey. I made it!
She drops the cookies on the table and everything gets really quiet for a second while everyone studies the cookies.
The girls start giggling. Chloe turns red with embarrassment.
Meagan and Karen laugh too.
Andrea looks from one person to another, confused.
ANDREA
What? What’s so funny?
CHLOE
Really, Mom?
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Hello. I have a Holiday Family movie and I would like to exchange feedback with someone. I posted my 10 pages in the Day 5 forum.
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Amy’s Holiday Family Writing Sample Plan
What I learned doing this assignment is I really wanted to use my first 10 pages, but I found that they just weren’t as good as some parts in the middle and that I need to elevate those pages.
Setup:
Carrie Tyler and Jill Carter, high school rivals, now living in the same neighborhood, Winterberry Hills, are both vying for the top prize in the Christmas decorating contest-$50,000 and a chance to host their own decorating show on the Decorating and Design Channel. This is an excerpt from the 2<sup>nd</sup> half of Act II. There have been many heated exchanges between Carrie and Jill, and now the animosity has spread to their families. The competition has even put a damper on the blossoming romance between Abby Tyler and Mark Carter. However, the only that 8-year-old Jack cares about is going to New York City to see the tree at Rockefeller Center. One of the opening scenes was Jack and Carrie watching the tree lighting together, and that tree has been his focus ever since. At this point in the movie, Carrie is weighing whether it’s worth it to continue this fight, but others in the neighborhood have a stake in her winning too.
EXT. TYLER HOME AND CARTER HOMES – DAY
Freshly fallen snow covers everything.
The Tylers’ front yard is a scene from Santa’s workshop complete with elves.
Carrie trudges through the snow wrestling a giant lighted toy into place. Abby helps, but reluctantly. Jack pretends to help.
Tom shovels the driveway.
David works on his driveway too, but with a snowblower.
Abby looks over at Jill, Mark and Danielle constructing a lighted tunnel over their driveway.
She and Mark make eye contact, scowl and both look away.
Carrie eyes Jill whose face seems to say, “bring it on!”
CARRIE
Look at her, so sure of herself.
Jill seems to hear Carrie.
JILL
What’s that, Carrie?
TOM
Just ignore her.
David, hearing this, suddenly decides to rev up his snowblower so it’s spitting out snow into the Tylers’ yard.
Tom stops what he’s doing to glare at David.
An evil grin spreads across David’s face.
Tom charges across his yard.
TOM
I’ve had it with you, Carter!
David laughs.
DAVID
Bring it, pal!
Tom picks up a shovel full of snow and lobs it right in David’s face.
Carrie gasps.
CARRIE
Tom!
ABBY
Dad?
Jill, Mark and Danielle are frozen in place.
Jack bursts out laughing.
After David recovers from the shock, he abandons the snowblower and lunges at Tom, knocking him to the ground.
MARK
Really, Dad?
Tom and David wrestle in the snow.
JACK
DADDY!
Jack runs over and throws snow at David.
JACK
STOP IT!
DANIELLE
Your dad started it!
Jack angrily starts throwing snow at Danielle.
Tom and David continue to wrestle, but Tom takes notice of the fact that the children are now fighting.
TOM
(out of breath)
WAIT! STOP!
Tom breaks free of David and rises to his feet, his attention on the fight between Jack and Danielle.
TOM
Jack! That’s enough.
Now David sees what’s going on too.
TOM
(to David)
Look what this is doing!
Jack and Danielle stop fighting to listen to Tom.
TOM
(first to Carrie, then to Jill)
Do you see this? The kids are fighting now! Look what we did! The adults! I’m out!
Tom looks Carrie in the eyes. She looks as if someone has just punched her
DAVID
Me too. This is stupid.
TOM
Really stupid.
DAVID
Sorry, man.
TOM
Yeah, sorry.
DAVID
Hey, do you wanna get a drink?
TOM
Yeah, I could use one.
Tom and David walk away leaving everyone else stunned.
INT. PAULA’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
Paula, Carrie and Karen sit at the table drinking eggnog and eating Christmas cookies.
SOUNDS of GUNFIRE come from the TV in the next room where Walter is watching a documentary about WWII.
PAULA
WALTER! WILL YOU TURN THAT BLASTED TV DOWN? WE’RE TRYING TO TALK!
WALTER (O.S.)
ALL. RIGHT!
The sound on the TV gets softer. Pauls turns her attention to Carrie.
PAULA
It’ll be okay, dear. You let things get too far, but at least you came to your senses. Tom will forgive you.
KAREN
No! That woman cannot win again. She looks down her nose at everybody in this neighborhood.
CARRIE
Thanks, Karen, but you weren’t there this afternoon. Everyone was fighting. Maybe the price of winning just isn’t worth it.
PAULA
Agreed. You have to do what’s best for your family. This competition is tearing you all apart.
KAREN
Then the tyranny will continue.
Karen reaches for another glass of eggnog.
KAREN
You know, I think she’s the one who reported us to the HOA for having weeds in our flower bed. And you know what she said to me?
Karen puts her hands on the table and leans forward.
KAREN
Girl, she said my shirt didn’t compliment my figure.
Paula shakes her head in disbelief.
CARRIE
Yep. I’ve gotten more than my share of those types of comments from Jill. None of us measure up to her standards.
KAREN
We don’t need to measure up to that woman’s standards. Carrie, you need to win. Strike a blow for all of us.
PAULA
But Carrie winning isn’t going to stop Jill from being Jill.
KAREN
It will take her down a notch!
CARRIE
That it will.
KAREN
So, we’re agreed. We’re going to help Carrie!
PAULA
I don’t know.
Carrie looks at Paula and then back to Karen.
CARRIE
All right.
KAREN
WHOO!
Karen and Carrie clink their glasses. Paula watches the two of them with concern.
EXT. TYLER HOME – DAY
SUPER:
“December 24th”
The cameraman stands in front of Greg, his camera’s viewfinder offering the only view of Greg who is holding a mic.
GREG (O.S.)
Tonight is the night we pick the winner of the Decorating & Design Channel’s Christmas decorating contest in Winterberry Hills!
Greg stands in front of the camera. He motions to the scene behind him.
Walter is on the Tyler’s roof along with a giant sleigh holding Santa.
He places one of the reindeer just so as Carrie, Paula and Karen look up nervously.
Two more reindeer lie on the ground.
GREG
As you can see, some of the neighbors have banded together to help Carrie Tyler win! Let’s get a closer look.
Greg motions his cameraman to follow him.
They walk over to Carrie.
GREG
What’s going on here, Carrie? You’ve got this elderly man on your roof. You must want to win pretty bad!
Carrie looks at the ground, guilty.
Walter yells from up above.
WALTER
Don’t blame Carrie. She needs the help. Plus, I’m doing this for my wife because this is her friend.
Paula blushes and smiles up at Walter.
PAULA
Thanks, dear. You certainly have your moments.
(to Greg)
Don’t worry about him. He needs the exercise.
They all have a good chuckle.
Just then, Walter slips and slides about a foot down the side of the roof.
WALTER
AAAHH! I’M GONNA DIE!
GREG
(to the camera)
This is getting intense!
Abby appears and tries to hurry past, undetected, but both Carrie and the TV camera catch her.
CARRIE
Abby! Why don’t you help me?
Abby stops for a second and considers this, then shakes her head no.
ABBY
I have reading to do.
Abby disappears through the door. Carrie stares at the door deep in thought.
KAREN
Carrie? Come on! We don’t have much time left!
Carrie reluctantly turns her attention back to the roof.
Suddenly, Jacks comes bounding through the front door.
JACK
MOM! I want to go to New York tonight! Can we?
CARRIE
Tonight’s the judging buddy.
JACK
How about tomorrow night?
CARRIE
Tomorrow is Christmas.
JACK
You promised!
Jack storms back into the house.
Realization hits Carrie hard.
GREG
(to the camera, in a hushed voice)
It appears that Carrie’s family is not quite as into this as she is. Lots of family drama going on at the Tyler home this afternoon.
INT. JACK’S BEDROOM – DAY
Jack’s room sits empty and dark.
He bursts through the door, determined.
He slings his backpack on the bed and runs over to his piggybank on the dresser.
DANIELLE (V.O.)
You’ll need one dollar for the bus. It stops at the end of the street every half hour.
He pries open the rubber stopper on the bottom causing a bunch of change and a few dollar bills to spill out.
He goes back to his bed and empties his backpack.
He takes it over to the dresser and sweeps all of the money into the small front pocket.
DANIELLE (V.O.)
Since you don’t have a phone, you’ll have to print out a map to get you to the Rockefeller Center.
He pulls a piece of paper with a map on it out of his drawer and puts it in his backpack.
He pulls a piece of paper with writing on it out of his drawer and lays it on his bed.
He races out the door.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Jack, still wearing his jacket, hat and mittens, runs past Poppy, makes a beeline for the pantry and flings open the door.
Poppy looks down at her food bowl and then up at Jack and lets out a whimper.
As Poppy looks on, Jack grabs a little bit of everything, snack cakes, crackers, little boxes of raisins, a few juice boxes, and stuffs them into his backpack and zips it up.
He makes his exit out the back door.
Poppy looks sadly down at her bowl again.
EXT. TYLER HOME – CONTINUOUS
Walter gets the next reindeer in place.
Carrie, Paula, and Karen clap and cheer.
PAULA
One more, Walter! You got this!
Suddenly, Jack’s head appears from around the corner of the house. No one notices him.
He darts across the yard just as Greg turns around.
Jack sees that he’s been spotted and ducks behind a tree.
Greg walks toward the tree just a car drives by and HONKS at him.
Greg waves and smiles at the person in the car.
Jack takes advantage of Greg’s distraction and runs behind a different tree.
After the car passes, Greg remembers the tree and walks toward it.
He looks around the tree and doesn’t see anything.
He looks up and down the street, confused, then walks away.
Jack peeks around the new tree, sees that he’s no longer being watched and runs down the street.
EXT. CARTER HOME – CONTINUOUS
Jill fights a strand of lights as Danielle looks on.
JILL
GAH!
(to Danielle)
Can you help me? Your Dad and Mark have abandoned me.
DANIELLE
Sure, Mom. Look! The TV lady!
Breanne approaches.
BREANNE
Jill! And…
Danielle rolls her eyes.
DANIELLE
Danielle.
BREANNE
Oh, yes! Danielle. So, Jill, it looks like Carrie Tyler has really outdone herself! Are you going to be able to top THAT by tonight?
Jill smiles a strained smile.
JILL
Of course! I have a reputation for being the best, something I’m sure you of all people understand.
BREANNE
Whatever do you mean?
Jill shrugs and throws down the strand of lights she is holding, all pretentiousness gone.
JILL
Don’t call it yet.
Jill walks away leaving Danielle alone.
EXT. BUS STOP – DAY
Jack waits patiently under the bus stop sign.
A noisy, dirty bus pulls up beside him. The doors open.
Jack climbs the stairs and stops to deposit coins. The BUS DRIVER talks on his phone.
BUS DRIVER
Uh huh! Yep! I know what you mean!
He lets out a hearty laugh.
Jack moves to a seat in the back.
BUS DRIVER (CONT’D)
Man! You are crazy!
He laughs harder now, closes the doors and pulls away.
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Amy’s Dramatic Choices
What I learned from this process is that in this particular movie the writer made sure the story kept moving and that every scene delivered a punch.
1. People kissing and hugging at the airport while Hugh Grant (David) talks about how love is all around.
2. Bill Nighy (Billie Mack) singing a new, Christmas version of Love is All Around. He keeps forgetting to say Christmas instead of love and at one point has a funny explosion of curse words.
3. Pretty montage of Christmas scenes all around London.
4. Colin Firth (Jamie) rushing out the door to go to a wedding. He makes a big show of how he doesn’t want to leave his sick girlfriend.
5. Liam Neeson with his head in his hands. He calls Emma Thompson (Karen). She can’t talk, but says it’s not because she’s not terribly sorry his wife just died.
6. Karen is shocked to find out her daughter has been cast as a lobster in the nativity play. She’s also shocked to find out there was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus.
7. Colin delivers lunch to the office and hits on all the women.
8. Jack and Judy are on the set of a movie. They introduce themselves to one another.
9. At Peter’s wedding, he confirms with his best man that he isn’t planning any surprises. They agree the stag night was a mistake, especially since the prostitutes turned out to be men.
10. Dramatic shot of the bride, Juliette, walking down the aisle.
11. The Prime Minister, David, rides up to No. 10 Downing Street as an adoring crowd looks on.
12. David meets his staff. The last one he meets is a new girl named Natalie. It’s obvious he’s smitten with her. She’s nervous and accidentally curses in front of him making him laugh.
13. David goes and shuts himself in his office and hangs his head. He’s attracted to Natalie and he’s in trouble.
14. At the end of Peter and Juliette’s wedding, a choir comes from out of nowhere and starts singing. Then violins, trumpets, flutes, trombones, saxophones and finally, an electric guitar. The best man lied about no surprises.
15. Jamie goes home after the wedding to check on his girlfriend. He’s surprised to find his brother there and realizes he’s been sleeping with his girlfriend.
16. At the wedding reception, Colin is a server and tried to hit on a woman standing off to the side. He tells her how bad the food is and then finds out she was the one who catered the reception.
17. Back in the kitchen, Colin tells his friend he’s realized why he has no luck with girls. It’s because English women are stuck up. He decides he’ll have better luck in American and proclaims that he’s going there.
18. On the movie set Jack and Judy chat. Tony asks Judy to take off her shirt and bra. She does is very matter-of-factly as she continues to chat with Jack. Tony asks Jack to put his hands on Judy’s breast. He does and goes on matter-of-factly chatting with her.
19. At the funeral of Liam Neesom (Daniel’s) wife, they play a slideshow of his wife to Bye, Bye Baby by the Bay City Rollers. Daniel helps carry his wife’s casket as he cries.
20. At the wedding reception, Laura Linny (Sarah) scooches her chair up to the best man who is staring in the direction of the happy couple dancing. She asks him if he loves him. He emphatically says no. They proclaim the DJ to be the worst in the world.
21. At Sarah’s office, her boss, Harry shocks her by asking her how long she’s been in love with Karl. She’s also shocked to find out that everyone in the office knows about it. Harry encourages her to make a move on Karl.
22. At the radio station, the DJ talks about how bad Billy Mack’s song is as it finishes playing and then finds out that Billy Mack is there to do an interview.
23. The next DJ interviews Billy Mack. He doesn’t hold anything back. Says he knows the record is crap and asks the audience to “please buy my festering turd of a record.”
24. David is in a meeting with his cabinet. They are urging him to stand up to the U.S. He says he won’t then asks who you “have to screw around here to get a chocolate biscuit” then in walks Natalie.
25. David is in his office sitting and his desk. Natalie comes in to deliver some mail and cookies. After she leaves, he bangs his head on his desk and tells himself to get a grip because he’s the Prime Minister.
26. On the movie set, Judy and Jack are completely naked and chatting very casually while pretending to have sex.
27. In the care, Colin tells Tony he’s going to Wisconsin. Tony says, NOooooo. He thinks it’s a horrible idea.
28. At the office, Harry discusses the company Christmas party with his secretary. He inquires if she has a boyfriend. She says no, that she would just be hanging around the mistletoe hoping to get kissed.
29. Karen and Daniel discuss Sam, his stepson. Daniel says he stays in his room all the time and he could be injecting heroin into his eyeballs for all he knows. He cries. Karen tells him no one will want to shag him if he cries all the time.
30. Daniel talks to Sam to try to get him to open up. Sam shocks him by confessing that he’s in love. They agree that being in love is total agony.
31. At the office, mostly everyone has gone. Sarah fixes herself up for Karl. He walks by her desk on the way out and tells her goodbye. After he leaves, she kicks herself.
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Amy’s Conflict
What I learned doing this assignment is the scene is more interesting when you put your protagonist in tough situations. My protagonist turned out to be stronger than I thought, so I need to turn up the heat somehow.
INT. – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Andrea hugs Chloe and Benjamin as Josh looks on still in shock.
Meagan saunters in, wearing an apron.
MEAGAN
Din-
She sees Andrea. All of the color drains out of her face.
MEAGAN
-ner. Andrea! You’re supposed to be…
ANDREA
Gone? I came back.
Meagan flashes her left hand, showing Andrea the huge diamond on it.
MEAGAN
Things have changed since you’ve been gone.
JOSH
Andrea, you were gone for a year. We thought you weren’t coming back.
ANDREA
(to Meagan)
I see. Well, don’t get too comfortable in my house.
MEAGAN
Too late.
ANDREA
Your services are no longer needed here.
JOSH
You can’t just throw her out. She’s my fiancé’.
Andrea turns to Josh.
ANDREA
I don’t think so. You’re already married.
Meagan stares daggers into Andrea.
MEAGAN
Kids, go get washed up for dinner.
Chloe and Benjamin leave looking kind of scared.
JOSH
Ladies, this is a highly volatile situation. I don’t think…
MEAGAN/ANDREA
Shut up.
JOSH
Okay.
Meagan steps towards Andrea in a menacing way.
MEAGAN
The kids hardly missed you. It’s not like you were really involved in their lives. I’m more of a mother to them than you ever were.
JOSH
Ladies, please.
ANDREA
Get out of my house.
MEAGAN
Or what?
Andrea picks up the phone and dials three numbers. She puts the phone to her ear.
ANDREA
Yes. I’d like to report an intruder. 14805 Maple Street. Unarmed. She just won’t leave.
JOSH
(to Meagan)
Honey, maybe it’s better if you go and let Andrea and I work this out. I’ll call you tomorrow.
Meagan angrily tears the apron off and glares at Josh, then storms out of the living room.
The FRONT DOOR SLAMS.
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Amy’s Key Business Decisions
What I learned doing this assignment is there are some things I can improve about this script to make it more marketable.
Genre: Family
Title: Christmas Wars
Concept: An insecure, suburban housewife goes overboard trying to outdo her condescending next-door neighbor in the neighborhood Christmas decorating contest.
Audience : Men and women under 25, men and women over 25, kids
Budget: $500,000
Lead Characters: Carrie Tyler, Jill Carter
Journey: Carries goes through the whole movie focused on winning the Christmas decorating contest. At one point when she sees how it is affecting her family, she considers backing off, but she is pulled back in by people in the neighborhood who really want her to win. Eventually, she realizes that winning the decorating contest is not what’s important and not what gives her validation. It’s her family and spending time with them during the holidays.
Character Arc: Carries Tyler goes from being obsessed with winning the Christmas decorating contest to realizing that Christmas is not about winning the contest but about being with the people you love.
Opening: Carrie struggles with her decorations just before the judging of the neighborhood Christmas contest. Her neighbor and high school rival, Jill wins just like every year. Fast forward one year and the neighborhood is gearing up for the Christmas decorating contest once again. Carrie kicks off the Christmas season by watching the lighting of the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center on TV with her son Jack.
Ending: Jill wins the contest again, but it’s revealed that she cheated so the prize goes to Carrie. Jill has a meltdown in front of the whole neighborhood. Everyone realizes that Jill isn’t so perfect after all, including Carrie who was always trying to measure up to her. Carrie and Jill have a breakthrough in their rivalry and become friends.
Decisions that I could improve:
*My concept needs a setup and payoff.
*I’ve been told my character arc isn’t very strong
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Amy’s Credibility is Going Up!
What I learned doing this assignment is that I have some things already that I can used as credibility.
In the next 30 days I will try and get recommendations from those in the business that I am connected with.
CREDIBILITY CHECKLIST
1. Your Writing Sample
– Received an 8 on the Blacklist
– “Overall, this writer has a strong voice and a knack for writing family films.” –Coverfly January 2021
2. Screenwriting Accomplishments
– Placed as a semifinalist in the 2021 ScreenCraft Family Screenplay Competition
3. The Google factor
Amy Falkofske (@amysuefromnc) | Twitterhttps://twitter.com › amysuefromnc
The latest Tweets from Amy Falkofske (@amysuefromnc). Screenwriter. CHRISTMAS WARS. Also, wife, mom and sometimes photographer. Prince William County, VA.
3 “Amy Falkofske” profiles | LinkedInhttps://www.linkedin.com › pub › dir › Amy › Falkofske
Amy Falkofske. Screenwriter, Freelance Magazine Writer. Bristow, VA. Prince William Living, +8 more. Regent University, +1 more · Amy Falkofske. Centreville, VA …
Amy Falkofske – Coverflyhttps://writers.coverfly.com › profile
I have a Master of Arts in Script and Screenwriting from Regent University in Virginia Beach. Amy’s goal is to write family-friendly and faith-based films.
4. Your Network
How many producers are in your network? 3
How many Connections do you have who are connected to producers? 4
5. Education specific to screenwriting
– Master of Arts degree in Film-TV with a concentration in Script & Screenwriting
– ScreenwritingU Pro Series
-Act One Screenwriting Program
6. Borrowed Credibility
None
7. IMDB CREDITS
– Mount Hideaway-Script Supervisor
8. Other forms of credibility that is related to screenwriting:
None
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Amy’s Speciality
What I learned doing this assignment is that there are a lot of sub-genres inside a genre. You can watch two movies out of the same genre and they can be two totally different kinds of movies.
Specialty: Family
Genre: Family
Title: Princess Bride
How it delivered on the genre conventions: Although this movie is listed as a family film on many different websites, there were things in it that didn’t quite match up with what the conventions of a family movie. There was some foul language, a gory scene with a giant, vicious rat and a couple of torture scenes. Otherwise, it did stick to the family film conventions such as being set in a fantasy land or far-away place and having an imaginative plot and journey.
Outline: I didn’t realize I was supposed to do an outline for each movie when I watched the movie, so I’m just going to summarize for this one.
The movie starts with Buttercup and Wesley falling in love. He then goes off to find a fortune so they can be married, but he never comes back. Buttercup is chosen by Prince Humperdink to be his bride.
Buttercup is kidnapped by Vizzini, Fezzik and Inigo Montoya. They discover a ship tailing them and try to get away. Buttercup tries to swim to safety but is chased back to the ship by eels. The kidnappers quickly sail to shore and start scaling the mountain by rope. Wesley’s ship makes it to shore shortly after and he too starts scaling the mountain. He bests Inigo Montoya, then Fezzik and finally Vizinni and is left alone with Buttercup.
At first she hates him and thinks he’s the enemy, but she says something to him and then pushes him down the hill. As he’s rolling down the hill, he says “as you wish.” Buttercup realizes it’s her Wesley and goes rolling down the hill herself. Together they survive the scary forest only to be found by Prince Humperdink and his men.
Buttercup goes back to the castle with the prince and the prince’s men take Wesley to the pit of despair. Buttercup tells Prince Humperdink that she loves Wesley and she will not marry him. Prince Humperdink lies and says that he will send ships out to look for him. She keeps checking back to see if Prince Humperdink has located Wesley, but he always says no. She insists that her Wesley will come for her.
Meanwhile,Inigo Montoya realizes he needs the black-masked man to help him killed the six-fingered guy and with Fezzik’s help, rescues Wesley from the pit of despair. He is “only mostly dead” when they find him, but the witch doctor gives them something to bring him back to life.
Wesley turns up in Buttercup’s room just as she’s about to kill herself to avoid having to marry Prince Humperdinck.
Inigo kills the six-fingered man. He and Fezzik tie up Prince Humperdinck and get him to give up his claim to Buttercup. Inigo, Fezzik, Buttercup and Wesley get on on 4 white horses.
Specialty: Family
Genre: Family
Title: Insight Out
How it delivered on the genre conventions: It was suitable for all ages. The main character was a child. There was no foul language or gratuitous sexuality. It was relatable for children, but gave adults something to think about as well.
Outline:
INT. – HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Joy, Saness, Fear, Disgust and Anger are all active at the control center of Riley’s memories. We learn about core memories and all of the islands like Family Island, Honesty Island, Goofball Island, etc.
EXT. – HOUSE – DAY
Riley’s family drives away with the moving truck.
EXT./INT. – HOUSE/HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Riley’s family shows up at her new house in San Francisco. It’s a disappointment. Her Emotions try to manage the situation.
EXT./INT. – PIZZA PLACE – DAY
Riley and her mom order pizza, but it’s disappointing because it’s got broccoli on it. Still, Riley is able to bond with her mom.
INT. – HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Sadness touches some of Riley’s happy memories which ruins them. Joy tries to cheer Sadness up.
INT. – HOUSE/HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
It’s Riley’s bedtime. She thinks about all the things going wrong, but her mom cheers her up with Joy’s help.
INT. – HEAQUARTERS – NIGHT
Joy replaces Riley’s bad dream with a good one.
INT. – KITCHEN/HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Riley eats breakfast. It’s the first day of school. Her Emotions plan how they are going to manage it.
INT. – SCHOOL/HEADQUARTERS – DAY
The teacher calls on Riley invoking Fear. At first, she’s happy to talk about Minessota, but then Sadness touches one of her memories and she ends up crying in front of the class.
INT. – HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Joy tries to get back the memory that Sadness touched, but chaos insues. The core memories fall out of their holder and Joy and Sadness get sucked up in the intake tube and away to Long Term Memory.
INT. – LONG TERM MEMORY – DAY
Joy gathers Riley’s long term memories. She and Sadness realize that while Joy is not at Headquarters, Riley can’t be happy.
INT. – HOUSE/HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
During dinner, Riley’s parents try to talk to her about her day. Anger, Fear and Disgust try to manage Riley’s emotions but fail spectactularly causing Riley to snap at her parents and get sent to her room.
INT. – LONG TERM MEMORY – NIGHT
Joy and Sadness take Riley’s long term memories and attempt to get to one of the islands.
INT. – BEDROOM/HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Riley’s dad tries to talk to her and get her to laugh but fails. Goofball Island collapses and Joy and Sadness can’t get across.
INT. – LONG TERM MEMORIES – NIGHT
Joy and Sadness try to get back to Headquarters while Riley is asleep.
INT. – BEDROOM/HEADQUARTERSM- DAY
Riley talks to her friend on the computer. Anger takes over the control panel and Riley gets angry because her friend made a new friend and slams the computer closed.
INT. – LONG TERM MEMORY – DAY
Joy watches Friendship Island collapse. Joy and Sadness meet Riley’s imaginary friend, Bing Bong. He agrees to help them get back to Headquarters. They walk into the passage to the Train of Thought.
EXT. – SCHOOLYARD – DAY
Riley looks for someone to sit with for lunch but ends up sitting alone.
INT. – LONG TERM MEMORY – DAY
Joy, Sadness and Bing Bong get deconstructed in the passage to the Train of Thought because the workers are trying to get rid of extraneous memories.
INT. – LONG TERM MEMORY – TRAIN STATION – DAY
Joy, Sadness and Bing Bong miss the train but head off to Imagination Land to catch a different one.
INT. – HOCKEY RINK/HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Riley misses a shot. Anger takes over the controls and she throws her stick down and storms off the ice.
INT. – IMAGINATION ISLAND – DAY
All of Riley’s imaginings get destroyed. Bing Bong is sad and cries on Sadness’s shoulder. Afterwards, he feels better and they get on the train.
INT. – HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Fear threatens to quit. Anger decides that Riley should go back to Minessota where all her good memories are.
INT. – BEDROOM/TRAIN – NIGHT
Riley goes to sleep. The Train of Thought stops. Sadness comes up with the idea to wake Riley up.
INT. – RILEY’S DREAM – NIGHT
Joy, Sadness and Bing Bong try to interrupt Riley’s dream to wake her up. Bing Bong gets arrested and locked away inside Riley’s Darkest Fears.
INT. – RILEY’S DARKEST FEARS – NIGHT
Joy and Sadness look for Bing Bong and find him locked inside a balloon prison on top of Jangles the clown. They wake up Jangles in hope that he will wake up Riley.
INT. – RILEY’S DREAM – NIGHT
Jangles wakes up Riley. Joy, Sadness and Bing Bong head for the train.
INT. – HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Anger inserts the Idea to run away into the control panel. He gives Riley the idea to take the money for a bus out of her mother’s purse.
INT. – TRAIN OF THOUGHT – NIGHT
Joy compliments Sadness on her idea to wake Riley up.
INT. – HOUSE/HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Riley steals her mother’s credit card. Honesty Island collapses and the train that Joy, Sadness and Bing Bong are on crashes.
INT. – LONG TERM MEMORY – NIGHT
Joy, Sadness and Bing Bong try to get to Family Island.
INT. – HOUSE – DAY
Riley slips out of the house to run away.
INT. – LONG TERM MEMORY – DAY
Family Islands starts collapsing. Joy, Sadness and Bing Bong get the idea to go up through the intake tube to get back to Headquarters, but Sadness can’t go or she’ll affect Riley’s core memories. Joy goes by herself, but the intake tube crashes and she and Bing Bong fall into the pit.
INT. – PIT – DAY
Joy looks at all of Riley’s memories and realizes that Sadness is important too. She and Bing Bong use Riley’s imaginary rocket powered by Bing Bong’s song to get back up to Long Term Memory, but only Joy makes it over. Bing Bong fades away.
INT. –STREET/BUS STATION/LONG TERM MEMORY – NIGHT
Riley ignores a phone call from her mom and gets on the bus. Anger, Fear and Disgust try to take the Idea back out of the control panel.
INT. – LONG TERM MEMORY – NIGHT
Joy uses Riley’s imaginary boyfriend who would die for Riley to get her and Sadness back to headquarters by replicating him and using all of them as a way to reach Headquarters.
INT. – HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Joy and Sadness land on the window, but here is no way for them to get through. Disgust makes Angry so angry that fire is coming out of his head. She uses it to burn a hole in the window to let Joy and Sadness through.
INT- HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT – CONTINUED
Sadness is able to take the Idea to run away out of the control panel.
INT. – HOUSE – NIGHT
Riley comes home.
INT – HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Sadness touches all of Riley core memories.
INT. – HOUSE – NIGHT
Riley cries and tells her parents she misses home. Her parents tell her they understand and give her a hug.
INT-HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
All of the Islands come back including a few new ones like Fashion and Boy Bands.
INT. – HOCKEY RINK – DAY
Riley plays hockey with her parents watching and her Emotions narrating.
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Amy’s Characters Live!
What I learned doing this assignment is the way you describe your character can either make the reader want to keep reading or make them want to throw it in the trash.
Note: I am late posting this assignment. It is the same scene I wrote for Day 10 because it’s the first scene where Andrea shows up and it seems to work for both assignments.
INT. – NEWS DESK – DAY
ANDREA RICHARDSON, (35) peers into a mirror and scrunches up her face. She is in her happy place, behind the anchor desk, where her life’s purpose is and most of her self-worth lies.
ANDREA
Ick!
She fixes her lipstick and rights a stray hair, then smiles a satisfied smile.
ANDREA
All better!
FLOOR MANAGER (O.S.)
Going live in 30.
Andrea quickly slips the mirror under the desk. Her brow furrows as she studies her script.
FLOOR MANAGER
In 5-4-3-
The floor manager points to Andrea.
She plasters the smile back on her face and looks directly into the camera.
ANDREA
Good evening and welcome to WBEN’s 5 News at Noon. Breaking at this hour, the late David Miller’s painting entitled “Love Unrequited” was stolen from the Johnston City Art Museum.
Andrea turns to the monitor behind her on the set.
ANDREA
With me now is the museum’s curator, Seth Meyers. Seth, thank you for joining me.
INT. MUSEUM – DAY
SETH MEYERS stands in front of a blank wall.
SETH
You are very welcome, Andrea. You’re looking very pretty today.
INT. – NEWS DESK – DAY
ANDREA
Uh, thank you. Seth, this extraordinary painting was valued at 4 million dollars, correct?
INTERCUT CONVERSATION
SETH
That’s correct, Andrea. This was David Miller’s last painting before he passed away. It was a portrait of Sadie Wilson, the woman who was the love of his life. Sadly, his love was unrequited, thus the title of the painting, ‘Unrequited Love.”
ANDREA
Seth-
SETH
Andrea, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you and all your viewers in on a secret of mine. I too have unrequited love. It’s you, Andrea.
LAUGHTER CAN BE HEARD in the studio.
Andrea stifles laughter herself.
ANDREA
Well. I understand you’re working with my husband, Detective Richards to solve this case. Is that correct?
Seth’s shoulders slump.
SETH
Oh. That’s your husband?
ANDREA
Seth, tell me. Have you gotten any leads on who might have taken the painting?
SETH
No yet. Are you happy?
Andrea chokes but quickly recovers.
ANDREA
Um, have you determined when the painting was stolen? I understand you discovered it missing when you opened the museum this morning.
SETH
I have a surprise for you.
Seth begins to SING A LOVE SONG.
More LAUGHTER FROM THE STUDIO.
Andrea looks at her hands and seems to talk to them.
ANDREA
Oh, dear.
She looks back up at the camera.
The floor manager drags a finger across his neck to signal to Andrea to wrap up the interview.
ANDREA
No.
Andrea turns back to the monitor.
More SINGING.
ANDREA
Seth? We’re still on the air. We need to focus now.
Seth stops singing and hangs his head.
ANDREA
Thank you. I’ll ask again, do you know when the painting was stolen?
SETH
Well, it was here when I left last night.
ANDREA
What about the security cameras, Seth?
Seth suddenly looks nervous.
SETH
Uh…There’s nothing on them.
ANDREA
Really? There’s nothing on the security cameras, Seth?
SETH
No, there is not.
Seth sees something or someone.
SETH
Gotta go!
He walks out of the camera shot, but he can be HEARD SINGING.
Andrea stares at the monitor for a second.
She turns to the camera.
ANDREA
Uh, thank you, Seth. Next up, a preview of the weather.
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Amy’s Dueling Agendas
What I learned doing this assignment is having the two characters have competing agendas really adds electricity to a scene.
Character: Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
Subtext: Afraid to say
Character: Josh
Basic character traits: inquisitive, honest to a fault, dad jokes, his kids’ biggest cheerleader
Want/need: Wants to do right by the people in his life, needs to feel like he’s number one to his partner
Paradoxes: He is a hardcore rule follower, tough on crime, but also a softie when it comes to his family
Secret: He once hid the details of a crime to keep a family from being torn apart.
Flaw: Has a temper
Special: He comes from a long line of men who were notoriously good at solving crimes
Subtext: polite
INT. – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
People are exiting the auditorium. Andrea rushes
in towards Josh.Josh turns to Andrea
JOSH
You’re late.
ANDREA
My tire was slashed. I’m guessing Meagan had
something to do with that.JOSH
Chloe was counting on you being here.
ANDREA
Uh, my tire? What’s it going to take to get you
to see her for what she is?JOSH
The kids need their mother.
ANDREA
And I need you to believe me.
JOSH
You could have taken an Uber.
ANDREA
I was busy filing a police report. Are you going
to talk to me about this?Chloe walks up and stands by Josh.
CHLOE
Dad!
She gives Andrea the death stare.
CHLOE
Mom.
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Amy’s final scene for feedback exchange
What I learned rewriting this scene is that the more you write scenes with your character, the more you get to know them.
INT. – NEWS DESK – DAY
ANDREA RICHARDSON peers into a mirror and scrunches up her face.
ANDREA
Ick!
She fixes her lipstick and rights a stray hair, then smiles a satisfied smile.
ANDREA
All better!
FLOOR MANAGER (O.S.)
Going live in 30.
Andrea quickly slips the mirror under the desk. Her brow furrows as she studies her script.
FLOOR MANAGER
In 5-4-3-
The floor manager points to Andrea.
She plasters the smile back on her face and looks directly into the camera.
ANDREA
Good evening and welcome to WBEN’s 5 News at Noon. Breaking at this hour, the late David Miller’s painting entitled “Love Unrequited” was stolen from the Johnston City Art Museum.
Andrea turns to the monitor behind her on the set.
ANDREA
With me now is the museum’s curator, Seth Meyers. Seth, thank you for joining me.
INT. MUSEUM – DAY
SETH MEYERS stands in front of a blank wall.
SETH
You are very welcome, Andrea. You’re looking very pretty today.
INT. – NEWS DESK – DAY
ANDREA
Uh, thank you. Seth, this extraordinary painting was valued at 4 million dollars, correct?
INTERCUT CONVERSATION
SETH
That’s correct, Andrea. This was David Miller’s last painting before he passed away. It was a portrait of Sadie Wilson, the woman who was the love of his life. Sadly, his love was unrequited, thus the title of the painting, ‘Unrequited Love.”
ANDREA
Seth-
SETH
Andrea, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you and all your viewers in on a secret of mine. I too have unrequited love. It’s you, Andrea.
LAUGHTER CAN BE HEARD in the studio.
Andrea stifles laughter herself.
ANDREA
Well. I understand you’re working with my husband, Detective Richards to solve this case. Is that correct?
Seth’s shoulders slump.
SETH
Oh. That’s your husband?
ANDREA
Seth, tell me. Have you gotten any leads on who might have taken the painting?
SETH
No yet. Are you happy?
Andrea chokes but quickly recovers.
ANDREA
Um, have you determined when the painting was stolen? I understand you discovered it missing when you opened the museum this morning.
SETH
I have a surprise for you.
Seth begins to SING A LOVE SONG.
More LAUGHTER FROM THE STUDIO.
Andrea looks at her hands and seems to talk to them.
ANDREA
Oh, dear.
She looks back up at the camera.
The floor manager drags a finger across his neck to signal to Andrea to wrap up the interview.
ANDREA
No.
Andrea turns back to the monitor.
More SINGING.
ANDREA
Seth? We’re still on the air. We need to focus now.
Seth stops singing and hangs his head.
ANDREA
Thank you. I’ll ask again, do you know when the painting was stolen?
SETH
Well, it was here when I left last night.
ANDREA
What about the security cameras, Seth?
Seth suddenly looks nervous.
SETH
Uh…There’s nothing on them.
ANDREA
Really? There’s nothing on the security cameras, Seth?
SETH
No, there is not.
Seth sees something or someone.
SETH
Gotta go!
He walks out of the camera shot, but he can be HEARD SINGING.
Andrea stares at the monitor for a second.
She turns to the camera.
ANDREA
Uh, thank you, Seth. Next up, a preview of the weather.
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Amy’s Ad for A-List
What I learned doing this assignment is that you can determine traits for your character but you don’t really get to know them until you start writing them. I don’t think I’ve quite had the breakthrough that I need to have with this character yet.
Character: Andrea Richardson
a. What is the Interesting Situation?-Andrea is trying to cover a story about the theft of a very expensive piece of art from the local art museum, but when she interviews the curator, he professes his love for her on the air.
b. What is the Insight about this character?- she’s is very dedicated to getting the story and not easily deterred from her mission. She has a sense of humor.
c. What Action and Description will sell this character?-When the curator professes his love for her, Andrea reminds him that he is working with Detective Richardson, her husband on the case. Also, the curator keeps talking about his love for her, but she keeps asking him questions about the art theft.
INT. – NEWS DESK – DAY
ANDREA RICHARDSON peers into a mirror. She fixes her lipstick and rights a stray hair.
FLOOR MANAGER (O.S.)
Going live in 30.
Andrea quickly slips the mirror under the desk. She checks her script.
FLOOR MANAGER
In 5-4-3-
The floor manager points to Andrea.
She plasters a huge smile on her face and looks directly into the camera.
ANDREA
Good evening and welcome to WBEN’s 5 News at Noon. Breaking at this hour, the late David Miller’s painting entitled “Love Unrequited” was stolen from the Johnston City Museum.
Andrea turns to the monitor behind her on the set.
ANDREA
With me now is the museum’s curator, Seth Meyers. Seth, thank you for joining me.
INT. MUSEUM – DAY
SETH MEYERS stands in front of a blank wall.
SETH
You bet, Andrea. You’re looking very pretty today.
INT. – NEWS DESK – DAY
ANDREA
Uh, thank you. Seth, this painting was valued at 4 million dollars, correct?
INTERCUT CONVERSATION
SETH
That’s correct, Andrea. This was David Miller’s last painting before he passed away. It was a portrait of Sadie Wilson, the woman who was the love of his life. Sadly, his love was unrequited, thus the title of the painting, ‘Unrequited Love.”
ANDREA
Seth-
SETH
Andrea, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you and all your viewers know I too have unrequited love. It’s you, Andrea.
LAUGHTER CAN BE HEARD in the studio.
Andrea stifles laughter herself.
ANDREA
Well. I understand you’re working with my husband, Detective Richards to solve this case. Is that correct?
Seth’s shoulders slump.
SETH
Oh. That’s your husband?
ANDREA
Seth, tell me. Have you gotten any leads on who might have taken the painting?
SETH
Not yet. Are you happy?
Andrea chokes but quickly recovers.
ANDREA
Um, have you determined when the painting was stolen? I understand you discovered it missing when you opened the museum this morning.
SETH
I have a surprise for you.
Seth begins to SING A LOVE SONG.
More LAUGHTER FROM THE STUDIO.
Andrea looks at her hands and seems to talk to them.
ANDREA
Oh, dear.
She looks back up at the camera.
ANDREA
Folks, we’re going to move on to the next story.
Seth CAN BE HEARD SINGING until he suddenly disappears from the monitor to be replaced by the WBEN logo.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Amy Falkofske.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by
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Amy’s LinkedIn Profile is Amazing!
What I learned from doing this assignment is that on LinkedIn you can advertise that you’re looking for work and list the services that you’re offering.
The improvements that I made to my LinkedIn profile are that I filled out the looking for work and services offered sections and put bullet points that show my credibility inside the services offered section. I also added the ScreenwritingU Pro Series to my education along with another program that I have completed.
Over the next 30 days, I hope to get some recommendations from people in the business.
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Amy’s Dialogue on The Attack!
What I learned doing this assignment is I could stand to have a better handle on my characters. Andrea is taking shape, but Josh is kind of vague. I can definitely see how trying to write a scene this way makes it a lot more interesting.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
Josh
Basic character traits: inquisitive, honest to a fault, dad jokes, his kids’ biggest cheerleader
Want/need: Wants to do right by the people in his life, needs to feel like he’s number one to his partner
Paradoxes: He is a hardcore rule follower, tough on crime, but also a softie when it comes to his family
Secret: He once hid the details of a crime to keep a family from being torn apart.
Flaw: Has a temper
Special: He comes from a long line of men who were notoriously good at solving crimes.
INT. –NEWSROOM – MAKEUP ROOM -NIGHT
Newsroom employees can be seen through the door scurrying back and forth. Something exciting is happening.
The MAKE-UP LADY is putting blush on Andrea. She finishes
Andrea punches a few buttons on her phone and puts it up to her ear.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh’s phone buzzes. He picks it up and continues to stir something in a skillet.
JOSH
I hope you’re calling to tell me you’re on your way home.
INT. – NEWSROOM – MAKEUP ROOM – NIGHT
Andrea shoos the make-up lady away.
ANDREA
What are you wearing?
INTERCUT PHONE CONVERSATION
JOSH
Two unhappy children.
ANDREA
I have to cover this story. It could be my big break.
JOSH
I’ll miss you too.
ANDREA
But you’ll love all the money I’ll be making when I’m working for the network.
Josh sighs and hangs his head.
ANDREA
Besides, you’ll be up when I get home, right? For some quality time?
A smile spreads across Josh’s face.
JOSH
Ugh! What am I going to do with you?
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Sorry everyone. This isn’t supposed to be here. This is an assignment for another class. I can’t delete it.
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Amy’s Credibility is Going Up!
What I learned doing this assignment is that I have some things already that I can use as credibility.
In the next 30 days, I will try and get recommendations from those in the business that I am connected with.
CREDIBILITY CHECKLIST
1. Your Writing Sample
– Received an 8 on the Blacklist
– “Overall, this writer has a strong voice and a knack for writing family films.” –Coverfly January 2021
2. Screenwriting Accomplishments
– Placed as a semifinalist in the 2021 ScreenCraft Family Screenplay Competition
3. The Google factor
Amy Falkofske (@amysuefromnc) | Twitterhttps://twitter.com › amysuefromnc
The latest Tweets from Amy Falkofske (@amysuefromnc). Screenwriter. CHRISTMAS WARS. Also, wife, mom and sometimes photographer. Prince William County, VA.
3 “Amy Falkofske” profiles | LinkedInhttps://www.linkedin.com › pub › dir › Amy › Falkofske
Amy Falkofske. Screenwriter, Freelance Magazine Writer. Bristow, VA. Prince William Living, +8 more. Regent University, +1 more · Amy Falkofske. Centreville, VA …
Amy Falkofske – Coverflyhttps://writers.coverfly.com › profile
I have a Master of Arts in Script and Screenwriting from Regent University in Virginia Beach. Amy’s goal is to write family-friendly and faith-based films.
4. Your Network
How many producers are in your network? 3
How many Connections do you have who are connected to producers? 4
5. Education specific to screenwriting
– Master of Arts degree in Film-TV with a concentration in Script & Screenwriting
– ScreenwritingU Pro Series
-Act One Screenwriting Program
6. Borrowed Credibility
None
7. IMDB CREDITS
– Mount Hideaway-Script Supervisor
8. Other forms of credibility that is related to screenwriting:
None
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Amy’s Character Outline
What I learned doing this assignment is my scenes will probably be better for doing this. I couldn’t come up with something for every scene, but I improved a lot of them.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea interviews her husband, Josh, a detective, about the murder that happened in the town. It becomes apparent that they have an issue with one of them, Andrea, being a neglectful parent.
COMPETITIVE: Andrea won’t let Josh end the interview because she knows other stations are waiting to interview him.
TEMPER BUT A SOFTIE WHEN IT COMES TO FAMILY: Josh almost loses his cool but patiently endures Andrea trying to get him to talk about things he’s not allowed to reveal about the case
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Meagan, a graduate student at the university and a teacher’s assistant for the lab’s top scientist, attends the dedication ceremony for the science lab with the top scientist in charge of building a supercollider.
LYING: Meagan tells the professor she’s a big fan of his work, but when he tries to talk to her about it, she’s clueless.
INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
COMPETITIVE: Andrea argues with Josh that this story could be the one that gets her promoted to the network
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework while juggling his own work issues. The kids complain about their mom not being there.
DAD JOKES/KIDS’ CHEERLEADER: Josh tries to get his kids’ attention off the fact that their mother is not there by cracking one of his jokes. He assures them that she loves them.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
At Andrea’s son, Benjamin’s baseball game, Josh is there but distracted by issues at work. Benjamin wonders where his mom is.
INT.– ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea comes home to a dark house and a cold plate of food on the table. She sleeps on the couch.
SELFISH: Andrea reads a note left by her daughter and is touched briefly but quickly puts it down to re-watch the breaking news coverage she delivered that night
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Josh informs Meagan that he hired a nanny. Her name is Meagan, the TA from the university. Josh and Andrea get into a fight.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
COMPETITIVE: Andrea’s boss wants to give the story to a reporter, but Andrea wants to take herself even though she is the anchor because it’s such a big story. She convinces her boss to give it to her.
EXT. – POOL – DAY
Andrea’s daughter has a swim meet. It’s her time to swim, but she cries because her mother isn’t there. She has to be coaxed into the pool by her dad.
INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor (with Meagan there) who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Andrea gets sucked into the machine and disappears.
PLAYFUL: Andrea cracks jokes with the professor while she interviews him.
CONNIVING: Meagan kisses up to Andrea and pretends to like her.
INT. NEWSROOM – DAY
It’s many years in the past. Andrea is just an intern at the station.
COMPETITIVE: Andrea begs a reporter to take her with her to her story. Andrea starts interviewing people when she gets there.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea is now a reporter at the station. She interviews a cop named Josh.
PLAYFUL: Andrea flirts with Josh
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Andrea is at her wedding.
INT. – HOSPITAL – DAY
Chloe is born.
INT. – ANDREA AND JOSH’S APARTMENT
Chloe celebrates her first birthday.
INT. – HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Benjamin is born.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Andrea, Josh and Chloe attend Benjamin’s T-ball game.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea finds out she’s gotten the anchor position at the station.
INT. – UNIVERSITY LAB – DAY
Andrea shows back up but no one is around. She calls the station to tell them something went wrong with the story, but they think it’s a prank and hang up on her.
INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea drives to her home, but her key doesn’t work, so she rings the bell. Josh comes to the door and nearly faints at the sight of her.
INT. – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The kids see Andrea are both relieved to see her. She’s confused by their reaction. She tells them about getting sucked into the supercollider and traveling through time.
INT. – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Meagan shows up wearing an engagement ring. Andrea learns that she’s been missing for a year.
COMPETITIVE: Andrea, threatened by Meagan, tries to fire her as the kids’ nanny
COMPETITIVE: Andrea insists that everything that happened over the past year with Meagan, Josh and the kids is null and void since she’s back now.
PLAYFUL: Andrea hurls funny insults at Meagan
MOTHERLY: Meagan gives Andrea a lecture about how she got what she deserved for leaving and she just needs to accept things the way they were
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea talks to the professor who is intrigued by her story but unsure how or why the events unfolded as they did. She questions the professor about his relationship with Meagan, but he refuses to talk.
INT. – NEWSROOM –DAY
Andrea realizes that she doesn’t have a job at the station anymore, much less a career. She begs her boss to take her back as a reporter.
NEED FOR VALIDATION: Andrea starts to cry when she realizes her career is gone. She tells her former boss that she’s nothing without her career.
INT. –SCHOOL HALLWAY –DAY
Chloe is practicing for her school play when a prop falls on her. The popular girl who is the lead starts laughing at her inciting everyone else to laugh at her.
EXT. –BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
At Benjamin’s game, the pitcher dislocates his shoulder. Benjamin asks the coach if he can pitch, but he says no.
EXT. – GROCERY STORE – DAY
Andrea’s daughter’s swim team is having a bake sale. Andrea threw something together late last night after work. He daughter is embarrassed by the cookies. Meagan’s cookies are a hit.
SELFISH: Andrea brings her terrible cookies to the bake sale as a half-hearted attempt to be a good mother.
INT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea and Josh attend the town’s food festival and start getting reacquainted. Things are going great until Megan finds them and pulls Josh away on some “emergency.”
CONNIVING: Meagan invents a reason to pull Josh away from Andrea.
COMPETITIVE: Andrea accuses Meagan of lying just to get Josh away from her.
POLITE: Josh plays peacemaker between Andrea and Meagan.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea calls her daughter and tells her she’s on the way to her school play, but then discovers that she has a flat tire.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea arrives at the school after the play is over upsetting Chloe. Andrea asks Josh to take her back, but he admits that things weren’t that great when she was around.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at footage from the rededication of the science lab a year ago and sees Meagan talking to the professor.
INT. –CLASSROOM – DAY
The professor confesses to Andrea that he told Meagan that time travel was possible with the supercollider.
TOUGH-AS-NAILS REPORTER: Andrea badgers the professor until he confesses.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Chloe confides in Andrea about her bully. Andrea gives her advice that’s not really helpful.
SELFISH: Andrea tries to play the part of a good mother by giving her daughter advice, but her heart is not really in it.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about her sending her back in time. Josh doesn’t believe Andrea and gets mad at her.
PLAYFUL: Andrea makes a game out of exposing Meagan and taunts her about her “stolen” family.
A SOFTIE WHEN IT COMES TO FAMILY: Josh takes pity on Meagan when Andrea accuses her and takes up for her.
EXT. –BASEBALL FIELD – LATER
Benjamin gets a chance to pitch but walks every hitter.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea tries unsuccessfully to push Meagan into the supercollider and send her to a different time
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Josh admits to falling in love with Andrea again but announces that he’s going ahead with his marriage to Meagan because life is better with her.
POLITE: Josh compliments Andrea on getting her career back and working hard to get her relationships with the kids right before softly letting her down.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea’s boss threatens to fire her if she leaves to go see her daughter’s dance recital instead of covering the fire at the science lab.
NEED TO FEEL VALIDATED: Andrea reluctantly agrees to go cover the story because the thought of losing her career again is unbearable. She keeps going back and forth between getting in her car to leave and getting in the news van. Finally, the cameraman says he’s leaving with or without her and she hops in the van.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea shows up just as the paramedics are wheeling the professor out with cameras rolling. The professor says that he saw Meagan slip out the back just before the fire started.
INT. –AUDITORIUM – BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Chloe tells Josh and Meagan that she’s giving up on her mother, that she must not love her. The popular girl who made everyone laugh at her during the play overhears this and taunts her.
DAD JOKES: Josh cracks a joke to try and cheer Chloe up.
CONNIVING/MOTHERLY: Meagan hugs Chloe and assures her that she’s there for her even if her mother doesn’t care about her.
INT. –AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Josh calls Andrea and asks for help with Chloe.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea shows up with her cameras and the police. They detain Meagan for questioning.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Josh realizes Andrea was right about Meagan. Andrea goes backstage to talk to Chloe and has choice words for her bully.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – LATER
The performance is done. Chloe runs off the stage to her mom and dad and brother. Andrea’s boss calls and fires her. She says that’s okay because her family is more important. Suddenly…
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. She runs out of the lab.
INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea runs through the house calling to her family afraid that everything that just happened has been erased, but to her surprise, it hasn’t. The present and future have merged. Andrea’s family is reunited.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Benjamin gets to pitch and strikes the hitter out. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
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Amy’s Full-Out Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is it’s good to brainstorm scenes this way. Otherwise, it would just be talking heads. I don’t think I’ve quite succeeded here, but I understand what the end goal is.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
Meagan
Basic character traits: nurturing, motherly, conniving, deceitful
Want/Need: Wants to keep Andrea away from Josh and her kids. Needs to be loved
Paradoxes: She is a loving mother figure to Josh’s kids and to fiancé to him, but she’s not above manipulating them to get what she wants
Secret: She pushed Andrea into the supercollider and caused her to be lost in time
Flaw: She will cheat to get what she wants
Special: She was the apple of her father’s eye until he died tragically in car accident when she was just 8.
Name: Andrea
Traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive, concealing
Subtext: Afraid to say
Character Logline: Andrea is a tough-as-nails news anchor who holds her own secrets close to the vest.
Possible areas of subtext: Andrea is tough on the people she interviews, but when alone, she cries about the state of her life.
Name: Meagan
Traits: nurturing, motherly, conniving, deceitful
Subtext: lying
Character Logline: Meagan is a soccer mom who pushed Andrea into the supercollider to get rid of her so she could take over her family.
Possible areas of subtext: Meagan is sweet and nurturing to Josh, Chloe and Benjamin, but nasty to Andrea when they are alone together.
Interesting situation- Andrea comes upon Meagan in what used to be her home and realizes that in the year that she’s been gone, Meagan and Josh have started dating and gotten engaged.
Andrea:
What would a (well-spoken) person do or say?
-Try to make Meagan feel stupid by talking down to her
-Try to convince Meagan that everything that happened over the last year is null and void because she is back now.
What would an (image-conscience) person do or say?
-Beg Meagan to leave so she won’t have to suffer the embarrassment of losing everything.
What would a (playful) person do or say?
-Hurl funny insults
-Play games with Meagan to make her think she’s going crazy
What would a (competitive) person do or say?
-Ask the children and Josh who they love the most
-Threaten to take Josh and the kids back
-Fire Meagan as the nanny of the kids
What would a (concealing) person do or say?
-Pretend that’s she going along with the situation, but secretly plotting her revenge
Meagan
What would a (nurturing) person do or say?
-Try to console Andrea, though it wouldn’t be sincere.
-Pretend that she is consoling the kids at this disruption in their lives.
What would a (motherly) person do or say?
-Give Andrea a lecture about how she left and now she needs to accept the way things are.
-Try to be the hero to the kids to make sure they stay on her side.
What would a (conniving) person do or say?
-Threaten to make sure Andrea stays out of Josh and the kids’ lives no matter what it takes.
-Try to kill Andrea
What would a (deceitful) person do or say?
-Try to make Andrea think everything that happened was her fault.
What would a (lying) person do or say?
-Deny that she had anything to do with Andrea falling into the machine
Ideas I’ve decided to keep-
-Andrea hurls funny insults at Meagan
– (Andrea) Try to convince Meagan that everything that happened over the last year is null and void because she is back now.
– (Meagan) Give Andrea a lecture about how she left and now she needs to accept the way things are.
-Try to make Andrea think everything that happened was her fault.
– (Andrea) Fire Meagan as the nanny of the kids
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Amy’s Projects and Insights
a. And idea I would like to create: A woman must save two abandoned twin babies or they will die.
b. A finished script: Christmas Wars about a Christmas decorating competition
$500,000-$1,000,000
What I learned from the opening teleconference is that to be successful at writing assignments you have to work with the producer every step of the way. You don’t just go off by yourself and write the scripts. I also learned about the 5 steps of a writing assignment. One big thing I got out of the teleconference is how important is to be willing to make changes and do re-writes because your goal is to get the movie made.
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My name is Amy Falkofske. I’ve written 3 feature-length screenplays and a handful of short screenplays. I hope to learn how to successfully audition for writing jobs and work with producers. Something unique about me is I tend to read magazines from the back to the front.
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Amy Falkofske
I agree to the terms of this release form.
3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Amy’s Character Chemistry
What I learned doing this assignment is I forgot to give my main characters sidekicks. I also learned that identifying these characteristics in each relationship gives them depth and layers.
1. List your character names/roles as couples.
Andrea/Meagan
Andrea/Josh
Meagan/Josh
Andrea/Joanie
Meagan/Karen
2. Try to express each relationship on as many of these four levels
as you can:
Andrea/Meagan
A. Common ground / similarities-Both are willing to fight for what they want.
B. Differences that create conflict-Meagan is a soccer mom. Andrea is a career woman.
C. Playing the same game / Competing Agendas-Andrea and Meagan are competing for Josh and the kids
D. Need fulfillment-Meagan needs to be needed. Andrea’s failures as a wife and mom give her the opportunity to step in and save the day with Josh, Chloe and Benjamin
Andrea/Josh
A. Common ground / similarities-They both have high-powered careers. Their kids.
B. Differences that create conflict-Josh is a family man. Andrea is career-driven.
C. Playing the same game / Competing Agendas
D. Need fulfillment-Andrea needs to be validated. Being married to an important detective gives her that validation.
Meagan/Josh
A. Common ground / similarities-Family is important.
B. Differences that create conflict-Meagan is a graduate student and a nanny. Josh is a locally infamous detective
C. Playing the same game / Competing Agendas
D. Need fulfillment-Meagan fulfills Josh’s need for a woman who is mostly focused on him and the kids. Josh fulfills Meagan’s need for a family.
Andrea/Joanie
A. Common ground / similarities-
B. Differences that create conflict-Andrea is driven. Joanie is just working to get paid
C. Playing the same game / Competing Agendas
D. Need fulfillment-Joanie fulfills Andrea’s need to feel validated at work. She also fulfills her need to blow off steam about what’s going on in her life. Andrea fulfills Joanie’s need to be connected to someone powerful.
Meagan/Karen
A. Common ground / similarities-They are both focused on their families.
B. Differences that create conflict-Karen is married to the love of her life with no complications. Meagan is in a love triangle and playing house with someone else’s family.
C. Playing the same game / Competing Agendas
D. Need fulfillment-Karen is Meagan’s cheerleader, giving her advice and support in her effort to keep Josh and the kids. Meagan fulfills Karen’s need for gossip and excitement
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Amy’s Character Arc
What I learned doing this assignment is…
I need to do a better job of showing my protagonist’s character arc through her actions. Maybe the struggle of choosing between her career and her family will come out more when I write the scenes. I know this is an area of weakness for me because I’ve gotten a note on scripts I’ve written that there’s not enough of a character arc.
1. The issue: Andrea fears her life will not have any significance without her career. Her career gives her validation.
2. Challenge 1: Josh hires Meagan to be a nanny for the kids and she spends more time with them and does everything better than Andrea.
Challenge 2: Once Andrea arrives in the future, she does not have a career, not even a job, because she’s been missing for a year. She has to start all over. Meagan is now engaged to Josh and has basically taken over her family.
Challenge 3: Andrea chooses work over making cookies for Chloe’s bake sale. She throws some cookies together at the last minute, but they are a flop.
Challenge 4: Andrea is being eyed by the network to be an anchor so she misses her kids’ events to cover big stories, making her kids turn against her.
3. Transformation: Andrea has to report on the fire breaking out at the science lab on the night of her daughter’s dance recital. At first, she goes to cover the fire, but she finds out from Josh that her daughter is being bullied. In realizing that her daughter needs her, she realizes that it’s her family that gives her life purpose.
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Amy’s Subtext and Loglines
What I learned doing this assignment is that subtext isn’t just in dialogue, it’s also in the characters’ actions.
Name: Andrea
Traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive, concealing
Subtext: Afraid to say
Character Logline: Andrea is a tough-as-nails news anchor who holds her own secrets close to the vest.
Possible areas of subtext: Andrea is tough on the people she interviews, but when alone, she cries about the state of her life.
Name: Meagan
Traits: nurturing, motherly, conniving, deceitful
Subtext: lying
Character Logline: Meagan is a soccer mom who pushed Andrea into the supercollider to get rid of her so she could take over her family.
Possible areas of subtext: Meagan is sweet and nurturing to Josh, Chloe and Benjamin, but nasty to Andrea when they are alone together.
Name: Josh
Traits: inquisitive, honest to a fault, dad jokes, his kids’ biggest cheerleader, self-censoring
Subtext: polite
Character Logline: Josh is a strait-talking detective who when it comes to his family, says what he has to to keep the peace.
Possible areas of subtext: Josh is a shark when he is interrogating a criminal, but he’s a pushover when it comes to his family.
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Amy’s Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is my characters had no definition before, but doing this made them really start to come alive.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
Meagan
Basic character traits: nurturing, motherly, conniving, deceitful
Want/Need: Wants to keep Andrea away from Josh and her kids. Needs to be loved
Paradoxes: She is a loving mother figure to Josh’s kids and to fiancé to him, but she’s not above manipulating them to get what she wants
Secret: She pushed Andrea into the supercollider and caused her to be lost in time
Flaw: She will cheat to get what she wants
Special: She was the apple of her father’s eye until he died tragically in car accident when she was just 8.
Josh
Basic character traits: inquisitive, honest to a fault, dad jokes, his kids’ biggest cheerleader
Want/need: Wants to do right by the people in his life, needs to feel like he’s number one to his partner
Paradoxes: He is a hardcore rule follower, tough on crime, but also a softie when it comes to his family
Secret: He once hid the details of a crime to keep a family from being torn apart.
Flaw: Has a temper
Special: He comes from a long line of men who were notoriously good at solving crimes.
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REQUEST FOR FEEDBACK EXCHANGE
Amy’s Outline Version 1
Concept- A local news anchor’s DNA is altered when she travels through time. When she gets back one year into the future, she must decide between her career and her family and also compete with the woman who is now engaged to her husband.
Plot choice: Sacrifice
Character Structure: Romantic triangle
Lead Characters: Andrea-a famous news anchor who has neglected her family, Josh-Andrea’s husband, Meagan-an ex-girlfriend of Josh who becomes involved with him after Andrea disappears
Dramatic Question -: Will Andrea step back from her career to win Josh and her kids back from Meagan?
Main Conflict- Andrea desperately wants her career as a news anchor back, but she also wants her family back and they’ve had it with her working so much and never being home.
Dilemma- Andrea can keep her career and lose her family, or step back from her career and keep her family.
Theme- Realizing what’s most important in life.
Character arc of lead character:
Structure:
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as the local news anchor. She works too much and never sees her family.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time. She arrives in the past, not the beautiful news anchor, but ugly.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back looking more like herself, only more beautiful.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan. Also, she is no longer the anchor of the news program.
Mid-point: Andrea realizes that Meagan was responsible for her traveling back in time.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
Crisis-Although Andrea has succeeded in getting to Josh to fall in love with her again, he confesses that he and the kids are happier with Meagan than they were with her and rejects her.
Climax: Andrea plans to go to her daughter’s dance recital, but a fire starts at the science lab and her boss wants her to cover it. She goes to the science lab where the professor tells them that he saw Meagan slip out the back just as he was arriving. Andrea shows up to her daughter’s dance recital with the police take Meagan to the police station for questioning. Andrea signs off and says she’s going to watch her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss calls and fires her.
Resolution: Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
Essence outline:
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea interviews her husband, Josh, a detective, about the murder that happened in the town. It becomes apparent that they have an issue with one of them, Andrea, being a neglectful parent.
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Meagan, a wealthy widow attends the dedication ceremony for the science lab which has just been named after her and bonds with the top scientist in charge of building a supercollider.
INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
At Andrea’s son, Benjamin’s baseball game, Meagan cozies up to Josh and lets him know she’s single.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
EXT. – POOL – DAY
Andrea’s daughter has a swim meet. It’s her time to swim, but she cries because her mother isn’t there. She has to be coaxed into the pool by her dad.
INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor (with Meagan there) who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Meagan “accidentally” bumps Andrea into the machine and she disappears.
INT – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea appears out of the machine, but she doesn’t look like herself. She notices she’s a different height and her hands look different. She runs out of the lab.
INT. –UNVERSITY LAB – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is horrified.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea tries to prepare for the night’s newscast, but no one will talk to her about it because they don’t recognize her. Meanwhile, everyone is looking for her and panicking.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea sits at her place behind the news desk. The producer threatens to call security if she doesn’t leave. Everyone is still in a panic looking for her especially now that the newscast is about to air.
EXT./INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea shows up at her house and lets herself in scaring her family to death since they don’t recognize her. Josh calls the police and Andrea gets arrested.
INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office, but he won’t see her. Meagan arrives as well and he takes her up to his office.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again, on purpose this time.
INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is pleased that she looks more like herself now but perplexed that she’s even more beautiful than before.
INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea drives to her home, but her key doesn’t work, so she rings the bell. Josh comes to the door and nearly faints at the sight of her.
INT. – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The kids see Andrea and are both relieved to see her but also confused about the way she looks. She tells them about getting sucked into the supercollider and traveling through time.
INT. – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Meagan shows up wearing an engagement ring. Andrea learns that she’s been missing for a year.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea tries to get the professor to send her back to the present, but he doesn’t really understand how the machine and time travel work.
INT. – NEWSROOM –DAY
Andrea convinces the TV station to take her back as a reporter.
INT. –SCHOOL HALLWAY –DAY
Chloe is practicing for her school play when a prop falls on her. The popular girl who is the lead starts laughing at her inciting everyone else to laugh at her.
EXT. –BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
At Benjamin’s game, the pitcher dislocates his shoulder. Benjamin asks the coach if he can pitch, but he says no.
EXT. – GROCERY STORE – DAY
Andrea’s daughter’s swim team is having a bake sale. Andrea threw something together late last night after work. Her daughter is embarrassed by the cookies. Meagan’s cookies are a hit.
INT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea and Josh attend the town’s food festival and start getting reacquainted. Things are going great until Megan finds them and pulls Josh away on some “emergency.”
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea calls her daughter and tells her she’s on the way to her school play, but then discovers that she has a flat tire.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea arrives at the school after the play is over upsetting Chloe. Andrea asks Josh to take her back, but he admits that things weren’t that great when she was around.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at footage from the rededication of the science lab a year ago and sees Meagan talking to the professor.
INT. –CLASSROOM – DAY
The professor confesses to Andrea that he told Meagan that time travel was possible with the supercollider.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Chloe confides in Andrea about her bully. Andrea gives her advice that’s not really helpful.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about her sending her back in time. Josh doesn’t believe Andrea and gets mad at her.
EXT. –BASEBALL FIELD – LATER
Benjamin gets a chance to pitch, but walks every hitter.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea tries unsuccessfully to push Meagan into the supercollider and send her to a different time
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Josh admits to falling in love with Andrea again but announces that he’s going ahead with his marriage to Meagan because life is better with her.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea’s boss threatens to fire her if she leaves to go see her daughter’s dance recital instead of covering the fire at the science lab.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea shows up just as the paramedics are wheeling the professor out with cameras rolling. The professor says that he saw Meagan slip out the back just before the fire started.
INT. –AUDITORIUM – BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Chloe tells Josh and Meagan that she’s giving up on her mother, that she must not love her. The popular girl who made everyone laugh at her during the play overhears this and taunts her.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea shows up with her cameras and the police. They detain Meagan for questioning.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Josh realizes Andrea was right about Meagan. Andrea overhears Chloe’s bully and has choice words for her.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – LATER
The performance is done. Chloe runs off the stage to her mom and dad and brother. Andrea’s boss calls and fires her. She says that’s okay because her family is more important. Suddenly…
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. She looks like herself again. She runs out of the lab.
INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea runs through the house calling to her family afraid that everything that just happened has been erased, but to her surprise, it hasn’t. The present and future have merged. Andrea’s family is reunited.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Benjamin gets to pitch and strikes the hitter out. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andrea and Josh kiss.
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Amy’s Pass 10: Essence Only
What I learned doing this assignment is that a lot of my scenes were not down to the essence. They had quite a bit of detail. I’m also confused as some of this detail was a result of me trying to elevate the scene. I worry that some things don’t make sense now.
Logline- A local news anchor’s DNA is altered when she travels through time. When she gets back one year into the future, she must decide between her career and her family and also compete with the woman who is now engaged to her husband.
Dramatic Question -: Will Andrea step back from her career to win Josh and her kids back from Meagan?
Main Conflict- Andrea desperately wants her career as a news anchor back, but she also wants her family back and they’ve had it with her working so much and never being home.
Dilemma- Andrea can keep her career and lose her family, or step back from her career and keep her family.
Theme- Realizing what’s most important in life.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea interviews her husband, Josh, a detective, about the murder that happened in the town. It becomes apparent that they have an issue with one of them, Andrea, being a neglectful parent.
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Meagan, a wealthy widow attends the dedication ceremony for the science lab which has just been named after her and bonds with the top scientist in charge of building a supercollider.
INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
At Andrea’s son, Benjamin’s baseball game, Meagan cozies up to Josh and lets him know she’s single.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
EXT. – POOL – DAY
Andrea’s daughter has a swim meet. It’s her time to swim, but she cries because her mother isn’t there. She has to be coaxed into the pool by her dad.
INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor (with Meagan there) who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Meagan “accidentally” bumps Andrea into the machine and she disappears.
INT – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea appears out of the machine, but she doesn’t look like herself. She notices she’s a different height and her hands look different. She runs out of the lab.
INT. –UNVERSITY LAB – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is horrified.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea tries to prepare for the night’s newscast, but no one will talk to her about it because they don’t recognize her. Meanwhile, everyone is looking for her and panicking.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea sits at her place behind the news desk. The producer threatens to call security if she doesn’t leave. Everyone is still in a panic looking for her especially now that the newscast is about to air.
EXT./INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea shows up at her house and lets herself in scaring her family to death since they don’t recognize her. Josh calls the police and Andrea gets arrested.
INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office, but he won’t see her. Meagan arrives as well and he takes her up to his office.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again, on purpose this time.
INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is pleased that she looks more like herself now but perplexed that she’s even more beautiful than before.
INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea drives to her home, but her key doesn’t work, so she rings the bell. Josh comes to the door and nearly faints at the sight of her.
INT. – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The kids see Andrea and are both relieved to see her but also confused about the way she looks. She tells them about getting sucked into the supercollider and traveling through time.
INT. – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Meagan shows up wearing an engagement ring. Andrea learns that she’s been missing for a year.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea tries to get the professor to send her back to the present, but he doesn’t really understand how the machine and time travel work.
*INT. – NEWSROOM –DAY
Andrea convinces the TV station to take her back as a reporter.
INT. –SCHOOL HALLWAY –DAY
Chloe is practicing for her school play when a prop falls on her. The popular girl who is the lead starts laughing at her inciting everyone else to laugh at her.
EXT. –BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
At Benjamin’s game, the pitcher dislocates his shoulder. Benjamin asks the coach if he can pitch, but he says no.
EXT. – GROCERY STORE – DAY
Andrea’s daughter’s swim team is having a bake sale. Andrea threw something together late last night after work. Her daughter is embarrassed by the cookies. Meagan’s cookies are a hit.
INT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea and Josh attend the town’s food festival and start getting reacquainted. Things are going great until Megan finds them and pulls Josh away on some “emergency.”
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea calls her daughter and tells her she’s on the way to her school play, but then discovers that she has a flat tire.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea arrives at the school after the play is over upsetting Chloe. Andrea asks Josh to take her back, but he admits that things weren’t that great when she was around.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at footage from the rededication of the science lab a year ago and sees Meagan talking to the professor.
INT. –CLASSROOM – DAY
The professor confesses to Andrea that he told Meagan that time travel was possible with the supercollider.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Chloe confides in Andrea about her bully. Andrea gives her advice that’s not really helpful.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about her sending her back in time. Josh doesn’t believe Andrea and gets mad at her.
EXT. –BASEBALL FIELD – LATER
Benjamin gets a chance to pitch, but walks every hitter.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea tries unsuccessfully to push Meagan into the supercollider and send her to a different time
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Josh admits to falling in love with Andrea again but announces that he’s going ahead with his marriage to Meagan because life is better with her.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea’s boss threatens to fire her if she leaves to go see her daughter’s dance recital instead of covering the fire at the science lab.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea shows up just as the paramedics are wheeling the professor out with cameras rolling. The professor says that he saw Meagan slip out the back just before the fire started.
INT. –AUDITORIUM – BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Chloe tells Josh and Meagan that she’s giving up on her mother, that she must not love her. The popular girl who made everyone laugh at her during the play overhears this and taunts her.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea shows up with her cameras and the police. They detain Meagan for questioning.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Josh realizes Andrea was right about Meagan. Andrea overhears Chloe’s bully and has choice words for her.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – LATER
The performance is done. Chloe runs off the stage to her mom and dad and brother. Andrea’s boss calls and fires her. She says that’s okay because her family is more important. Suddenly…
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. She looks like herself again. She runs out of the lab.
INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea runs through the house calling to her family afraid that everything that just happened has been erased, but to her surprise, it hasn’t. The present and future have merged. Andrea’s family is reunited.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Benjamin gets to pitch and strikes the hitter out. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andrea and Josh kiss.
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Amy’s Pass 9: Flag Scenes to Elevate
What I learned doing this assignment is that specifically looking for problems and areas that can be improved in my story, improved my story significantly. I’m still not happy with the end though.
1. Read your entire outline and FLAG every scene that has a problem. Give us a paragraph on those so we know what you’ve discovered.
I first noted that there are a couple of scenes where we see Meagan doing something dastardly. It would be better if we don’t know who did it right away creating some suspense. Also, in my basic structure, it states that Andrea did some digging and found out Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time, but in my outline, Andrea just accidentally discovers that Meagan conspired with the professor. That’s not very exciting. It would be better if Andrea actually did have to do some digging to find out how she got sent back in time. A big problem I discovered is that Andrea does all of her growing as a person one year into the future. This is also where she improves her relationship with her kids. Then at the end, she suddenly goes back to the present meaning everything that she’s just gone through has been for nothing since her kids in the present still think she’s a neglectful mom.
2. Read your entire outline again and flag any scene that can be improved in any way. Give us a paragraph on those so we know what you’ve discovered.
I found a lot of things that could be improved. The scene where Andrea visits Josh at work and finds Meagan there isn’t very exciting. The scene where Chloe gets bullied in the hallway at school is cliché. The scene where Benjamin asks his coach to let him pitch is dull. The scene where Andrea and Josh have lunch at a restaurant is cliché. There is yet another scene where Andrea visits Josh at work. The scene where Andrea talks to the professor and threatens to tell everyone what he did could be improved by having him doing something instead of just talking heads. The scene where the professor tries to get Meagan sucked into the machine could be improved.
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as one of the anchors at a local TV station. Her goal is to become a network anchor. She works too much and never sees her family.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea interviews her husband, Josh, a detective, about the murder that happened in the town. The murderer was a wife who killed her husband. Josh offers the theory that the husband was negligent, but Andrea disagrees.
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Meagan, a wealthy widow attends the dedication ceremony for the science lab which has just been named after her. She meets the top scientist who is working on the building of a new supercollider in the lab and instantly bonds with him.
INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s family is at her son, Benjamin’s baseball game. He keeps looking back hoping she will show up. Meagan, one of Josh’s ex-girlfriends is there because her kid is also on the team. She cozies up to Josh and questions why Andrea isn’t there which is a sore spot for Josh.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
EXT. – POOL – DAY
Andrea’s daughter has a swim meet. It’s her time to swim, but she cries because her mother isn’t there. She has to be coaxed into the pool by her dad.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews the scientist about the university’s new supercollider. Meagan is there. Meagan “accidentally” bumps Andrea while the machine is on, and Andrea gets sucked into the machine. She arrives in the past, not the beautiful news anchor, but ugly.
INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor (with Meagan there) who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Meagan “accidentally” bumps Andrea into the machine and she disappears.
INT – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea appears out of the machine, but she doesn’t look like herself. She notices she’s a different height and her hands look different. She runs out of the lab.
INT. –UNVERSITY LAB – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is horrified.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea tries to prepare for the night’s newscast, but no one will talk to her about it because they don’t recognize her. Meanwhile, everyone is looking for her and panicking.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea sits at her place behind the news desk. The producer threatens to call security if she doesn’t leave. Everyone is still in a panic looking for her especially now that the newscast is about to air.
EXT./INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea shows up at her house and lets herself in scaring her family to death since they don’t recognize her. Josh calls the police and Andrea gets arrested.
INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office and asks to see him. He runs down to the lobby thinking his wife has returned, but he’s disappointed to find it’s the same “crazy” woman that was at his house last night. Meagan shows up to talk to him about an event for the baseball team and he invites her up to his office.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again, on purpose this time.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and looks more like herself, only more beautiful.
INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is pleased that she looks more like herself now but perplexed that she’s even more beautiful than before.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan. Since the network thought she was dead, she is no longer the anchor of the news program.
INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea drives to her home, but her key doesn’t work, so she rings the bell. Josh comes to the door and nearly faints at the sight of her.
INT. – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The kids see Andrea and are both relieved to see her but also confused about the way she looks. She tells them about getting sucked into the supercollider and traveling through time.
INT. – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The doorbell rings. It’s Meagan. Immediately she gives Josh a kiss. Andrea notices she’s wearing an engagement ring. Andrea’s family informs her that it’s the year 2023 and she’s been missing for a year.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea tries to get the professor to send her back to the present. He tells her he won’t because he can’t guarantee that she’ll go back to the time she came from because he doesn’t understand how the machine and time travel work.
*INT. – NEWSROOM –DAY
Andrea convinces the network to take her back as a reporter.
INT. –SCHOOL HALLWAY –DAY
Chloe is practicing for her school play when a prop falls on her. The popular girl who is the lead starts laughing at her inciting everyone else to laugh at her.
EXT. –BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
At Benjamin’s game, the pitcher dislocates his shoulder. Benjamin asks the coach if he can pitch, but he says no.
EXT. – GROCERY STORE – DAY
Andrea’s daughter’s swim team is having a bake sale. Andrea threw something together late last night after work. Her daughter is embarrassed by the cookies. Meagan’s cookies are a hit.
INT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea and Josh attend the town’s food festival and start getting reacquainted. Things are going great until Megan finds them and pulls Josh away on some “emergency.”
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea calls her daughter and tells her she’s on the way to her school play, but then discovers that she has a flat tire.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea arrives at the school after the play is over upsetting Chloe. She asks Josh to take her back, but he admits that things weren’t that great when she was around.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan used the professor to get access to the science lab to send her back in time.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at footage from the rededication of the science lab a year ago and sees Meagan talking to the professor.
INT. –CLASSROOM – DAY
The professor is getting ready for a class and is hurriedly writing on the blackboard. Andrea questions him about his relationship with Meagan. He confesses that he told Meagan that time travel was possible with the supercollider.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Chloe confides in Andrea about her bully. Andrea gives her advice that’s not really helpful.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about her sending her back in time. Josh doesn’t believe Andrea and gets mad at her. Meagan pretends to be distressed and calls the police. They come and suggest that Andrea leave.
EXT. –BASEBALL FIELD – LATER
Benjamin gets a chance to pitch, but walks every hitter.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan shows up. Andrea is already there with the professor. Andrea tells Meagan that she’s won and she wants to be friends now. She wants Meagan to show her how the machine causes time travel. Meagan gets really close to the machine. Andrea almost pushes her in, but Meagan gets wise to her at the last minute.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in getting Josh to fall in love with her again, he confesses that he and the kids are happier with Meagan than they were with her and rejects her. Andrea gets offered the anchor position again and must decide between her career and her family.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea interviews Josh about a new development on the murder case from a year ago. Afterward, Josh admits to falling in love with Andrea again but announces that he’s going ahead with his marriage to Meagan because life is better with her.
Climax: Andrea plans to go to her daughter’s dance recital, but a fire starts at the science lab and her boss wants her to cover it. She goes to the science lab where the professor tells them that he saw Meagan slip out the back just as he was arriving. Andrea shows up to her daughter’s dance recital with the police who take Meagan to the police station for questioning. Andrea signs off and says she’s going to watch her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss calls and fires her.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea’s boss wants her to stay and cover a fire that just broke out at the science lab. She says that she was planning on going to her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss tells her she has to stay or risk losing her job. Andrea leaves to go to the science lab.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea shows up just as the paramedics are wheeling the professor out with cameras rolling. The professor says that he saw Meagan slip out the back just before the fire started.
INT. –AUDITORIUM – BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Chloe tells Josh and Meagan that she’s giving up on her mother, that she must not love her. The popular girl who made everyone laugh at her during the play overhears this and taunts her. Just then…
INT. – AUDITORIUM – LATER
Andrea shows up with her cameras and the police. The police detain Meagan. Josh realizes Andrea was right about Meagan. Andrea runs to Chloe. Andrea says she’s staying to watch her recital. Andrea has choice words for the popular girl.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – LATER
The performance is done. Chloe runs off the stage to her mom and dad and brother. Andrea’s boss calls and fires her. She says that’s okay because her family is more important. Suddenly…
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. She looks like herself again. She runs out of the lab.
Resolution: Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea runs through the house calling to her family afraid that everything that just happened has been erased, but to her surprise, it hasn’t. The present and future have merged. Andrea’s family is reunited.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Benjamin gets to pitch and strikes the hitter out. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
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Amy’s Pass #8: Clichè Busting!
What I learned from doing this assignment is that in every case, there is probably a better way to get an idea across than the one that first comes to mind. I still don’t’ feel like I came up with anything all that unique.
Scenes:
-Rush to get on the air
-Restaurant scene between Andrea and Josh
-Meagan visits Josh at work
-Andrea visits Josh at work
-Josh visits Andrea at work
CHOSEN SCENE: Rush to get on the air
Purpose: To introduce Andrea at work and show how dedicated she is to her career
Brainstorm 5 to 25 other ways to accomplish that purpose.
A. Andrea argues with her producer about the way a story is written just before going on the air. She thinks the story is biased. When the story comes up on the prompter, she doesn’t read what’s written. She says what she wants to say.
B. Breaking news happens while the newscast is on the air. Andrea wants to extend the newscast, but the producer says they have to get off. Andrea tries to change the producer’s mind on-air and wins.
C. Andrea interviews a Congressman during the newscast and asks him pointed questions and gets him to make a stunning admission on air.
D. Andrea chases the Russian ambassador down the street along with a bunch of other reporters. She asks him a question. He stops to answer her and talk to her though he usually doesn’t talk to reporters.
Selection:
A. Andrea argues with her producer about the way a story is written just before going on the air. She thinks the story is biased. When the story comes up on the prompter, she doesn’t read what’s written. She says what she wants to say.
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Amy’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains
What I learned from reading the lesson is that setups and payoffs are important for a more satisfying experience for the viewer. What I learned from doing the assignment is that my story is woefully lacking in this area.
1. List ALL of the setup/payoff chains (SP Chains) from your story — One or two sentences per setup/payoff.
SP CHAIN 1: Andrea secretly sees Meagan come on to Josh when she travels to the past. Then when she comes back from the past, not in the present, but one year into the future, Josh and Meagan are engaged.
Setup: Meagan comes on to Josh at his office.
Payoff 1: When Andrea arrives one year into the future, Josh is engaged to Meagan
Payoff 2:
Etc.
SP CHAIN 2: Andrea is missing in her family’s life because of her career, but then she goes missing altogether.
Setup: Andrea misses her son’s baseball game and her daughter’s swim meet. She’s absent.
Payoff 1: Andrea gets sucked into the supercollider and goes missing.
Payoff 2: Andrea shows up one year into the future and she has been missing for a year.
SP CHAIN 3: Andrea gets laughed at when she travels back in time because she’s ugly. Later she has to counsel her daughter about her bully.
SP CHAIN 4: Meagan is a widowed and independently wealthy donor to the university. It ends up being her who was responsible for Andrea getting sucked into the supercollider.
Setup: Meagan gets the science building named after her and attends a gala where she meets the professor.
Payoff: Andrea finds out that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time.
2. Select a setup/payoff chain you want to make stronger. #4
How can you make the setup more interesting or effective? Show Meagan meeting the professor and the dedication of the science lab.
How can you make the payoffs more emotional or meaningful? When Andrea goes travels to the past, she notices that the science lab hasn’t been named after Meagan yet. The professor is willing hasn’t conspired with Meagan yet, nor does he know that it’s possible to time travel with the machine. The fact that Andrea gets sucked into the machine and disappears surprises him.
3. Tell us what difference this has made for your outline and if it hasn’t, find another setup/payoff chain to improve.
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
It’s chaos and excitement as Andrea, the producer and the production crew rush to get on the air on time.
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Meagan, a wealthy widow attends the dedication ceremony for the science lab which has just been named after her. She meets the top scientist who is working on the building of a new supercollider in the lab and instantly bonds with him.
INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s family is at her son, Benjamin’s baseball game. He keeps looking back hoping she will show up. Meagan, one of Josh’s ex-girlfriends is there because her kid is also on the team.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
EXT. – POOL – DAY
Andrea’s daughter has a swim meet. It’s her time to swim, but she cries because her mother isn’t there. She has to be coaxed into the pool by her dad.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time. She arrives in the past, not the beautiful news anchor, but ugly.
INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Andrea gets sucked into the machine.
INT – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea appears out of the machine, but she doesn’t look like herself. She notices she’s a different height and her hands look different. She runs out of the lab.
INT. –UNVERSITY LAB – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is horrified.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea tries to talk to her co-workers, but they don’t recognize her. They laugh when she tells them who she is.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea peaks around a wall in the studio and watches the newscast air and her stand-in reporting on the fact that she got sucked into the machine and is missing. She sees the footage of herself disappearing.
INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office and is surprised to find Meagan there coming on to him.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea notices the science lab still has its old name. She convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again, on purpose this time. The professor is astounded that Andrea disappeared and not really sure what happened.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and looks more like herself, only more beautiful.
INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is pleased that she looks more like herself now but perplexed that she’s even more beautiful than before.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan. Since the network thought she was dead, she is no longer the anchor of the news program.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea tries to get the professor to send her back to the present, but he refuses. However, he does let on that if the time she’s in collides with the time she came from by her getting her family to accept her just like they did before, things will automatically go back to the time she came from, the present.
INT. – NEWSROOM –DAY
Andrea convinces the network to take her back as a reporter.
INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea drives to her home, but her key doesn’t work, so she rings the bell. Josh comes to the door and nearly faints at the sight of her. The kids come and are astounded. She tells them about getting sucked into the supercollider and traveling through time. Meagan comes to the door to see what’s going on. Andrea notices she’s wearing an engagement ring. Megan kisses Josh. Andrea’s family informs her that it’s the year 2023 and she’s been missing for a year. Meagan closes the door in her face.
INT. –SCHOOL HALLWAY –DAY
Chloe gets bullied by one of the popular girls.
EXT. –BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Benjamin asks the coach if he can pitch, but he says no.
EXT. – GROCERY STORE – DAY
Andrea’s daughter’s swim team is having a bake sale. Andrea threw something together late last night after work. Her daughter is embarrassed by the cookies. Meagan destroys the cookies.
INT. – RESTAURANT – DAY
Andrea and Josh are having lunch. Meagan shows up with an “emergency” and pulls him away.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Meagan slashes Andrea’s tires.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea calls her daughter and tells her she’s on the way to her school play, but then discovers that her tires have been slashed.
INT. – OFFICE – DAY
Andrea visits Josh at work. She wants him to take her back, but he admits that things weren’t that great when she was around.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time.
INT. – COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Andrea overhears Meagan tell her friend that she got rid of Andrea by conspiring with the professor.
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea talks to the professor and threatens to tell everyone what he did if he doesn’t help her send Meagan back in time.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Chloe confides in Andrea about her bully. Andrea gives her advice that’s not really helpful.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about Meagan conspiring with the professor to get rid of her. Josh doesn’t believe Andrea and gets mad at her. Meagan pretends to be distressed and calls the police. They come and suggest that Andrea leave. Benjamin gets a chance to pitch, but walks every hitter.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan shows up. The professor tries to get her close to the machine. It almost works, but Meagan figures out what he’s up to and steps away. Andrea watches all this from the door.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in getting Josh to fall in love with her again, he confesses that he and the kids are happier with Meagan than they were with her and rejects her. Andrea gets offered the anchor position again and must decide between her career and her family.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Josh visits Andrea at work. They talk about getting back together. While he’s there Andrea finds out she’s been offered the anchor position again. She excitedly tells Josh. He’s not so excited. He tells her he’s going to go ahead with his marriage to Meagan.
Climax: Andrea plans to go to her daughter’s dance recital, but a fire starts at the science lab and her boss wants her to cover it. She goes to the science lab where the professor tells them that Meagan started the fire and confesses on camera that he conspired with her to send Meagan back in time. Andrea shows up to her daughter’s dance recital with the police who arrest Megan. Andrea signs off and says she’s going to watch her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss calls and fires her.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan sets the science lab on fire to keep Andrea from going back to the present.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea’s boss wants her to stay and cover the fire at the science lab. She says that she was planning on going to her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss tells her she has to stay or risk losing her job. Andrea leaves to go to the science lab.
INT. –AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea’s daughter proclaims that she’s giving up on her mother, that she must not love her. She gets bullied.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea shows up just as the paramedics are wheeling the professor out with cameras rolling. The professor says that he saw Meagan just before the fire started and confesses that he conspired with her to send Andrea back in time.
INT. – AUDITORIUM
Andrea shows up with her cameras and the police. They arrest Meagan. Andrea announces that she is signing off to watch her daughter’s dance recital and goes to help Chloe stand up to her bully. Her boss calls and fires her. She says that’s okay. Her family is more important. Suddenly…
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. It’s the day she left. She looks like herself again. She announces to the camera that the professor conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. She also announces that she’s quitting her job to focus on her family.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea, Josh and the kids watch the professor and Meagan get arrested on the news.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Benjamin gets to pitch and strikes the hitter out. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
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Amy’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is for the subplots to support the main story and the theme.
1. Subplots:
Andrea’s daughter, Chloe
Beginning-Choe is being bullied by one of the popular girls at school.
Middle-Chloe confides in Andrea about the bully. Andrea gives her advice that isn’t really helpful.
End-With Andrea’s support, Chloe confronts the bully and wins.
Andrea’s son, Benjamin
Beginning: Benjamin wants to be the pitcher on his baseball team.
Middle: Benjamin gets a chance to pitch, but walks every hitter.
End: Benjamin gets another chance to pitch. Encourage by Andrea, he does much better this time.
The professor
Beginning: The professor is excited about the new supercollider.
Middle: Andrea learns that the professor conspired with Meagan to send her back in time and blackmails the professor into helping her send Meagan back in time.
End: The professor gets arrested and fired from his job at the university
2. Subplot: Andrea’s daughter
How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character? Chloe’s bully is also part of her dance studio. Andrea realizes that Chloe will have to face the bully alone on the night of her dance recital if she’s not there to give her support. Andrea makes the decision to walk away from her job even though she’s being threatened with being fired to go help Chloe because she realizes that’s more important.
3. Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning.
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
It’s chaos and excitement as Andrea, the producer and the production crew rush to get on the air on time.
INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s family is at her son, Benjamin’s baseball game. He keeps looking back hoping she will show up. Meagan, one of Josh’s ex-girlfriends is there because her kid is also on the team. Benjamin asks the coach if he can pitch, but he says no.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
EXT. – POOL – DAY
Andrea’s daughter has a swim meet. It’s her time to swim, but she cries because her mother isn’t there. She has to be coaxed into the pool by her dad.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time. She arrives in the past, not the beautiful news anchor, but ugly.
INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Andrea gets sucked into the machine.
INT – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea appears out of the machine, but she doesn’t look like herself. She notices she’s a different height and her hands look different. She runs out of the lab.
INT. –UNVERSITY LAB – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is horrified.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea tries to talk to her co-workers, but they don’t recognize her. They laugh when she tells them who she is.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea peaks around a wall in the studio and watches the newscast air and her stand-in reporting on the fact that she got sucked into the machine and is missing. She sees the footage of herself disappearing.
INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office and is surprised to find Meagan there coming on to him.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and looks more like herself, only more beautiful.
INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is pleased that she looks more like herself now but perplexed that she’s even more beautiful than before.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan. Since the network thought she was dead, she is no longer the anchor of the news program.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea tries to get the professor to send her back to the present, but he refuses. However, he does let on that if the time she’s in collides with the time she came from by her getting her family to accept her just like they did before, things will automatically go back to the time she came from, the present.
INT. – NEWSROOM –DAY
Andrea convinces the network to take her back as a reporter.
INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea drives to her home, but her key doesn’t work, so she rings the bell. Josh comes to the door and nearly faints at the sight of her. The kids come and are astounded. She tells them about getting sucked into the supercollider and traveling through time. Meagan comes to the door to see what’s going on. Andrea notices she’s wearing an engagement ring. Megan kisses Josh. Andrea’s family informs her that it’s the year 2023 and she’s been missing for a year. Meagan closes the door in her face.
INT. –SCHOOL HALLWAY –DAY
Chloe gets bullied by one of the popular girls.
EXT. – GROCERY STORE – DAY
Andrea’s daughter’s swim team is having a bake sale. Andrea threw something together late last night after work. Her daughter is embarrassed by the cookies. Meagan destroys the cookies.
INT. – RESTAURANT – DAY
Andrea and Josh are having lunch. Meagan shows up with an “emergency” and pulls him away.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Meagan slashes Andrea’s tires.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea calls her daughter and tells her she’s on the way to her school play, but then discovers that her tires have been slashed.
INT. – OFFICE – DAY
Andrea visits Josh at work. She wants him to take her back, but he admits that things weren’t that great when she was around.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time.
INT. – COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Andrea overhears Meagan tell her friend that she got rid of Andrea by conspiring with the professor.
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea talks to the professor and threatens to tell everyone what he did if he doesn’t help her send Meagan back in time.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Chloe confides in Andrea about her bully. Andrea gives her advice that’s not really helpful.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about Meagan conspiring with the professor to get rid of her. Josh doesn’t believe Andrea and gets mad at her. Meagan pretends to be distressed and calls the police. They come and suggest that Andrea leave. Benjamin gets a chance to pitch but walks every hitter.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan shows up. The professor tries to get her close to the machine. It almost works, but Meagan figures out what he’s up to and steps away. Andrea watches all this from the door.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in getting Josh to fall in love with her again, he confesses that he and the kids are happier with Meagan than they were with her and rejects her. Andrea gets offered the anchor position again and must decide between her career and her family.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Josh visits Andrea at work. They talk about getting back together. While he’s there Andrea finds out she’s been offered the anchor position again. She excitedly tells Josh. He’s not so excited. He tells her he’s going to go ahead with his marriage to Meagan.
Climax: Andrea plans to go to her daughter’s dance recital, but a fire starts at the science lab and her boss wants her to cover it. She goes to the science lab where the professor tells them that Meagan started the fire and confesses on camera that he conspired with her to send Meagan back in time. Andrea shows up to her daughter’s dance recital with the police who arrest Megan. Andrea signs off and says she’s going to watch her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss calls and fires her.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan sets the science lab on fire to keep Andrea from going back to the present.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea’s boss wants her to stay and cover the fire at the science lab. She says that she was planning on going to her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss tells her she has to stay or risk losing her job. Andrea leaves to go to the science lab.
INT. –AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea’s daughter proclaims that she’s giving up on her mother, that she must not love her. She gets bullied.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea shows up just as the paramedics are wheeling the professor out with cameras rolling. The professor says that he saw Meagan just before the fire started and confesses that he conspired with her to send Andrea back in time.
INT. – AUDITORIUM
Andrea shows up with her cameras and the police. They arrest Meagan. Andrea announces that she is signing off to watch her daughter’s dance recital and goes to help Chloe stand up to her bully. Her boss calls immediately and fires her. She says that’s okay. Her family is more important. Suddenly…
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. It’s the day she left. She looks like herself again. She announces to the camera that the professor conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. She also announces that she’s quitting her job to focus on her family.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea, Josh and the kids watch the professor and Meagan get arrested on the news.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s son is up to bat. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
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PS80 Amy’s Pass #5: Action/Reaction
What I learned doing this assignment is that this really opens up possibilities for your story. I really struggled with this assignment and finally decided I was getting too worked up about it and just sat down and did it. This is definitely first draft material.
1. – Concept: A famous newscaster’s DNA is altered when she travels through time. When she gets back one year into the future, she must decide between her career and her family and also compete with the woman who is now engaged to her husband.
– Protagonist Goal: To get her career back and to get her family back
– Protagonist Character Arc: Andrea goes from finding her worth in her career to finding her worth in having a family who loves her.
– Main Conflict: Andrea desperately wants her career as a news anchor back, but she also wants her family back and they’ve had it with her working so much and never being home.
2.
3. Make a list of the emotional moments the Protagonist will go
through that will cause him or her to face the change they need
to make.
1. In the past, Andrea sees Meagan coming on to her husband at his office.
2. In the past, Andrea shows up at her son’s baseball game and sees him looking for her.
3. In the past, Andrea goes to her daughter’s swim meet and sees her crying.
4. In the future, Andrea learns that Josh is now engaged to Meagan and her family has moved on without her.
5. In the future, Andrea realizes that her repeatedly choosing her work over her kids may have cost her her relationship with them.
6. Andrea’s hopes are dashed when Josh tells her he plans to go ahead with his plans to marry Meagan.
7. Andrea at first decides to cover the breaking news story, but realizes her family is more important and signs off the air causing her to get fired.
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
It’s chaos and excitement as Andrea, the producer and the production crew rush to get on the air on time.
INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s family is at her son’s baseball game. Her son keeps looking back hoping she will show up. Meagan, one of Josh’s ex-girlfriends is there because her kid is also on the team.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea’s daughter has a swim meet. It’s her time to swim, but she cries because her mother isn’t there. She has to be coaxed into the pool by her dad.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time. She arrives in the past, not the beautiful news anchor, but ugly.
INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Andrea gets sucked into the machine.
INT – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea appears out of the machine, but she doesn’t look like herself. She notices she’s a different height and her hands look different. She runs out of the lab.
INT. –UNVERSITY LAB – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is horrified.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea tries to talk to her co-workers, but they don’t recognize her. They laugh when she tells them who she is.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea peaks around a wall in the studio and watches the newscast air and her stand-in reporting on the fact that she got sucked into the machine and is missing. She sees the footage of herself disappearing.
INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office and is surprised to find Meagan there coming on to him.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and looks more like herself, only more beautiful.
INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is pleased that she looks more like herself now but perplexed that she’s even more beautiful than before.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan. Since the network thought she was dead, she is no longer the anchor of the news program.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea tries to get the professor to send her back to the present, but he refuses. However, he does let on that if the time she’s in collides with the time she came from by her getting her family to accept her just like they did before, things will automatically go back to the time she came from, the present.
INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea drives to her home, but her key doesn’t work, so she rings the bell. Josh comes to the door and nearly faints at the sight of her. The kids come and are astounded. She tells them about getting sucked into the supercollider and traveling through time. Meagan comes to the door to see what’s going on. Andrea notices she’s wearing an engagement ring. Megan kisses Josh. Andrea’s family informs her that it’s the year 2023 and she’s been missing for a year. Meagan closes the door in her face.
EXT. – GROCERY STORE – DAY
Andrea’s daughter’s swim team is having a bake sale. Andrea threw something together late last night after work. Her daughter is embarrassed by the cookies. Meagan destroys the cookies.
INT. – RESTAURANT – DAY
Andrea and Josh are having lunch. Meagan shows up with an “emergency” and pulls him away.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Meagan slashes Andrea’s tires.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Andrea calls her daughter and tells her she’s on the way to her school play, but then discovers that her tires have been slashed.
INT. – OFFICE – DAY
Andrea visits Josh at work. She wants him to take her back, but he admits that things weren’t that great when she was around.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time. Andrea gets the network to hire her back as a reporter.
INT. – COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Andrea overhears Meagan tell her friend that she got rid of Andrea by conspiring with the professor.
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea talks to the professor and threatens to tell everyone what he did if he doesn’t help her send Meagan back in time.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about Meagan conspiring with the professor to get rid of her. Josh doesn’t believe Andrea and gets mad at her. Meagan pretends to be distressed and calls the police. They come and suggest that Andrea leave.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan shows up. The professor tries to get her close to the machine. It almost works, but Meagan figures out what he’s up to and steps away. Andrea watches all this from the door.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in getting Josh to fall in love with her again, he confesses that he and the kids are happier with Meagan than they were with her and rejects her. Andrea gets offered the anchor position again and must decide between her career and her family.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Josh visits Andrea at work. They talk about getting back together. While he’s there Andrea finds out she’s been offered the anchor position again. She excitedly tells Josh. He’s not so excited. He tells her he’s going to go ahead with his marriage to Meagan.
Climax: Andrea plans to go to her daughter’s dance recital, but a fire starts at the science lab and her boss wants her to cover it. She goes to the science lab where the professor tells them that Meagan started the fire and confesses that he conspired with her to send Meagan back in time. Andrea shows up to her daughter’s dance recital with the police who arrest Megan. Andrea signs off and says she’s going to watch her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss calls and fires her.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan sets the science lab on fire to keep Andrea from going back to the present.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea’s boss wants her to stay and cover the fire at the science lab. She says that she was planning on going to her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss tells her she has to stay or risk losing her job. Andrea leaves to go to the science lab.
INT. –AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea’s daughter proclaims that she’s giving on her mother, that she must not love her.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea shows up just as the paramedics are wheeling the professor out with cameras rolling. The professor says that he saw Meagan just before the fire started and confesses that he conspired with her to send Andrea back in time.
INT. – AUDITORIUM
Andrea shows up with her cameras and the police. They arrest Meagan. Andrea announces that she is signing off to watch her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss calls immediately and fires her. She says that’s okay. Her family is more important. Suddenly…
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. It’s the day she left. She looks like herself again. She announces to the camera that the professor conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. She also announces that she’s quitting her job to focus on her family.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea, Josh and the kids watch the professor and Meagan get arrested on the news.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s son is up to bat. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
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PS80 Amy’s NQ 3 and 4
What I learned from doing this assignment is that my climax wasn’t really a climax and didn’t demand my message.
Concept: A famous newscaster’s DNA is altered when she travels through time. When she gets back one year into the future, she must decide between her career and her family and also compete with the woman who is now engaged to her husband.
2. Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
When Andrea goes to the past, she realizes that she’s not at any of her family’s functions.
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
When Andrea gets back from the past and realizes that she’s actually one year into the future and she’s been missing for a year, she immediately starts trying to get her job back. Her sense of self-worth is totally tied up in her career. Eventually, she is offered a reporter position with the network and again misses her son’s baseball game and daughter’s dance recital.
Andrea has to face the fact that her kids and her husband both resented her working so much before she disappeared. Even though she gets Josh to fall in love with her again, she eventually gets rejected by him because she is still choosing her career over him and the kids.
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
Andrea announces her choice to turn down the anchor position and focus on her family on air during the climax.
C. What do they lose in making that choice?
She loses the anchor position and the feeling of importance it gave her and the purpose she thought it gave her life.
Theme: Realizing what’s most important in life.
A. What are both sides of your theme?
Having a career is more important than family
Having the love of your family is more important than a career
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
Even though Andrea has seen how her absence affects her family, she still pursues her career because that’s where so much of her identity is tied up. Andrea slowly comes around to the fact that she’d rather have the love of Josh and her kids than her career and that her true value comes from the love of Josh and her family. She does this by spending time with them and realizing that that is actually more fulfilling than her career.
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?
Andrea has to choose between covering a breaking news story or attending her daughter’s dance recital.
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
It’s chaos and excitement as Andrea, the producer and the production crew rush to get on the air on time.
INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s family is at her son’s baseball game. Her son keeps looking back hoping she will show up. Meagan, one of Josh’s ex-girlfriends is there because her kid is also on the team.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea’s daughter has a swim meet. It’s her time to swim, but she cries because her mother isn’t there. She has to be coaxed into the pool by her dad.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time. She arrives in the past, not the beautiful news anchor, but ugly.
INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Andrea gets sucked into the machine.
INT – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea appears out of the machine, but she doesn’t look like herself. She notices she’s a different height and her hands look different. She runs out of the lab.
INT. –UNVERSITY LAB – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is horrified.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea tries to talk to her co-workers, but they don’t recognize her. They laugh when she tells them who she is.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea peaks around a wall in the studio and watches the newscast air and her stand-in reporting on the fact that she got sucked into the machine and is missing. She sees the footage of herself disappearing.
INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office and is surprised to find Meagan there coming on to him.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and looks more like herself, only more beautiful.
INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is pleased that she looks more like herself now but perplexed that she’s even more beautiful than before.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan. Since the network thought she was dead, she is no longer the anchor of the news program.
INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea drives to her home, but her key doesn’t work, so she rings the bell. Josh comes to the door and nearly faints at the sight of her. The kids come and are astounded. She tells them about getting sucked into the supercollider and traveling through time. Meagan comes to the door to see what’s going on. Andrea notices she’s wearing an engagement ring. Megan kisses Josh. Andrea’s family informs her that it’s the year 2023 and she’s been missing for a year.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Andrea tries to talk to her son, but he doesn’t want to talk to her. When she presses him, he explodes.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea tries to talk to her daughter, but her daughter won’t open up and accuses her of never caring about her.
INT. – OFFICE – DAY
Andrea visits Josh at work. She wants him to take her back, but he admits that things weren’t that great when she was around.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time. Andrea gets the network to hire her back as a reporter.
INT. – COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Andrea overhears Meagan tell her friend that she got rid of Andrea by conspiring with the professor.
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea talks to the professor and threatens to tell everyone what he did if he doesn’t help her send Meagan back in time.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about Meagan conspiring with the professor to get rid of her. Josh doesn’t believe Andrea and gets mad at her.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan shows up. The professor tries to get her close to the machine. It almost works, but Meagan figures out what he’s up to and steps away. Andrea watches all this from the door.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in getting Josh to fall in love with her again, he confesses that he and the kids are happier with Meagan than they were with her and rejects her. Andrea gets offered the anchor position again and must decide between her career and her family.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Josh visits Andrea at work. They talk about getting back together. While he’s there Andrea finds out she’s been offered the anchor position again. She excitedly tells Josh. He’s not so excited. He tells her he’s going to go ahead with his marriage to Meagan.
Climax: Andrea plans to go to her daughter’s dance recital, but a fire starts at the science lab and her boss wants her to cover it. She goes to the science lab where the professor tells them that Meagan started the fire and confesses that he conspired with her to send Meagan back in time. Andrea shows up to her daughter’s dance recital with the police who arrest Megan. Andrea signs off and says she’s going to watch her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss calls and fires her.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan sets the science lab on fire to keep Andrea from going back to the present.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea’s boss wants her to stay and cover the fire at the science lab. She says that she was planning on going to her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss tells her she has to stay or risk losing her job. Andrea leaves to go to the science lab.
INT. –AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea’s daughter proclaims that she’s giving on her mother, that she must not love her.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Andrea shows up just as the paramedics are wheeling the professor out with cameras rolling. The professor says that he saw Meagan just before the fire started and confesses that he conspired with her to send Andrea back in time.
INT. – AUDITORIUM
Andrea shows up with her cameras and the police. They arrest Meagan. Andrea announces that she is signing off to watch her daughter’s dance recital. Her boss calls immediately and fires her. She says that’s okay. Her family is more important. Suddenly…
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. It’s the day she left. She looks like herself again. She announces to the camera that the professor conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. She also announces that she’s quitting her job to focus on her family.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea, Josh and the kids watch the professor and Meagan get arrested on the news.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s son is up to bat. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
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Amy’s 3<sup>rd</sup> Pass – NQ1 and 2
What I learned doing this assignment is you can really start to see where the holes are in your outline by doing this. Also, I see how this builds a character arc into your story.
Concept: A famous newscaster’s DNA is altered when she travels through time. When she gets back one year into the future, she must decide between her career and her family and also compete with the woman who is now engaged to her husband.
Dramatic Question: Will Andrea step back from her career to win Josh and her kids back from Meagan?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
The dramatic question first gets established when Andrea goes back in time and realizes that Meagan is gunning for he husband and she also notices that she’s absent from all of her kids’ events.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
The intensity increases at the mid-point when the network hires Andrea back as a reporter and she misses yet another one of her son’s baseball games. (Andrea traveled a year into the future, so she’s been missing for a year and presumed dead)
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
The dramatic question gets answered when Andrea turns down the anchor position on air.
Main conflict- Andrea desperately wants her career as a news anchor back, but she also wants her family back and they’ve had it with her working so much and never being home.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
The main conflict is first established when Andrea calls home and tells them she’s going to be working late again. Later she misses her son’s baseball game.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
Andrea misses her son’s baseball game.
Andrea misses her daughter’s ballet recital.
Andrea sees her family together with Meagan at a school event.
Andrea’s children want to see her even though she doesn’t quite look like herself, but she chooses to go cover a story instead.
Andrea gets into arguments with her son and daughter about how she was never around before she went missing and she’s never around now.
Andrea gets an earful from Josh about how she was never around before she disappeared.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
This actually happens at the end of Act 2, but Josh tells Andrea that he and the kids are happier with Meagan because she has time for them. At the same time Andrea gets offered the anchor position again.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
Andrea turns down the anchor position on air and says that she wants her family back.
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
It’s chaos and excitement as Andrea, the producer and the production crew rush to get on the air on time.
INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s family is at her son’s baseball game. Her son keeps looking back hoping she will show up. Meagan, one of Josh’s ex-girlfriends is there because her kid is also on the team.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
INT. – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
Andrea’s daughter is about to go on stage and cries because her mother isn’t there. She has to be coaxed on stage by her dad.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time. She arrives in the past, not the beautiful news anchor, but ugly.
INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Andrea gets sucked into the machine.
INT – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea appears out of the machine, but she doesn’t look like herself. She notices she’s a different height and her hands look different. She runs out of the lab.
INT. –UNVERSITY LAB – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is horrified.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea tries to talk to her co-workers, but they don’t recognize her. They laugh when she tells them who she is.
INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea peaks around a wall in the studio and watches the newscast air and her stand-in reporting on the fact that she got sucked into the machine and is missing. She sees the footage of herself disappearing.
INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office and is surprised to find Meagan there coming on to him.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and looks more like herself, only more beautiful.
INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea looks at herself in the mirror and is pleased that she looks more like herself now but perplexed that she’s even more beautiful than before.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan. Since the network thought she was dead, she is no longer the anchor of the news program.
INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea drives to her home, but her key doesn’t work, so she rings the bell. Josh comes to the door and nearly faints at the sight of her. The kids come and are astounded. She tells them about getting sucked into the supercollider and traveling through time. Meagan comes to the door to see what’s going on. Andrea notices she’s wearing an engagement ring. Megan kisses Josh. Andrea’s family informs her that it’s the year 2023 and she’s been missing for a year.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Andrea tries to talk to her son, but he doesn’t want to talk to her. When she presses him, he explodes.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea tries to talk to her daughter, but her daughter won’t open up and accuses her of never caring about her.
INT. – OFFICE – DAY
Andrea visits Josh at work. She wants him to take her back, but he admits that things weren’t that great when she was around.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time. Andrea gets the network to hire her back as a reporter.
INT. – COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Andrea overhears Meagan tell her friend that she got rid of Andrea by conspiring with the professor.
INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea talks to the professor and threatens to tell everyone what he did if he doesn’t help her send Meagan back in time.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about Meagan conspiring with the professor to get rid of her. Josh doesn’t believe Andrea and gets mad at her.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan shows up. The professor tries to get her close to the machine. It almost works, but Meagan figures out what he’s up to and steps away. Andrea watches all this from the door.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in getting Josh to fall in love with her again, he confesses that he and the kids are happier with Meagan than they were with her and rejects her. Andrea gets offered the anchor position again and must decide between her career and her family.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Josh visits Andrea at work. They talk about getting back together. While he’s there Andrea finds out she’s been offered the anchor position again. She excitedly tells Josh. He’s not so excited. He tells her he’s going to go ahead with his marriage to Meagan.
Climax: Andrea does an expose’ on the professor and gets him to confess on air that he conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. Andrea admits to neglecting her family, announces that she’s turning down the anchor position and pleads with Josh to take her back. Josh sees the report and now believes the truth about Meagan and has a change of heart about Andrea. Everything changes back to the day Andrea disappeared and Andrea looks completely like herself again.
INT. – STUDIO/ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea convinces her boss to let her go on the air with a big story. She does an expose’ about the professor and Meagan and everything that has happened to her. She admits to neglecting her family, announces that she’s turning down the anchor position and pleads with Josh to take her back. Josh sees the report and now believes the truth about Meagan and has a change of heart about Andrea. Suddenly, everything changes and it’s the day Andrea disappeared again.
INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. She’s herself again. She walks away from the supercollider and out of the lab.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea, Josh and the kids watch the professor and Meagan get arrested on the news.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s son is up to bat. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
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Request for Exchange Feedback
Concept: A famous newscaster comes back from time travel a year into the future and finds that her family has been taken over by another woman and must compete with this woman to get them back.
Lead Characters: Andrea-a famous news anchor who has neglected her family, Josh-Andrea’s husband, Meagan-an ex-girlfriend of Josh who becomes involved with him after Andrea disappears
Plot/Structure: Rivalry
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time one day.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and finds that she has come back as Joanie the news desk assistant.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan.
Mid-point: Andrea realizes that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in convincing Josh and her two kids that she’s who she says she is, they confess that they are happier with Meagan than they were with her.
Climax: Andrea (who’s convinced a colleague of her true identity) does an expose’ on the professor and gets him to confess on air that he conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. Andrea admits to neglecting her family and pleads with them to take her back even though she doesn’t look like herself. . Josh and the kids see the report and have a change of heart about Andrea.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
Main conflict- Andrea is competing with Megan to win her family back.
Dramatic Question: Will Andrea step back from her career to win Josh and her kids back from Meagan?
Dilemma: Andrea can keep her career and lose her family, or step back from her career and keep her family.
Theme: Realizing what’s most important in life.
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PS80 Amy’s Pass 2: Story Logic Web
1. What I learned doing this assignment is that stress and tension are the enemies of creativity and that’s probably why Hal is always telling us to relax. Doing this process helped me to see how flawed my Story Logic Web was and how unfocused my story was. I’m certain that it’s still got problems, but I think this did improve it.
2. BEFORE
Concept: A nationally known newscaster who has been neglecting her family travels through time and comes back as someone else and one year into the future. She then has to compete with her husband’s ex-girlfriend who has inserted herself into her family’s life while she’s been gone
Lead Characters: Andrea-a famous news anchor who has neglected her family, Josh-Andrea’s husband, Meagan-an ex-girlfriend of Josh who becomes involved with him after Andrea disappears
Plot/Structure: #12 Transformation
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time one day.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and finds herself at the newsroom assistant, Joanie’s desk.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in convincing Josh and her two kids that she’s who she says she is, they confess that they are happier with Meagan than they were with her.
Climax: Andrea (who’s convinced a colleague of her true identity) does an expose’ on the professor and gets him to confess on air that he conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. Andrea admits to neglecting her family and pleads with them to take her back even though she doesn’t look like herself. . Josh and the kids see the report and have a change of heart about Andrea.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
Character Arc: Andrea goes from being a woman who finds her significance in her career to a woman who finds her significance in those who love and depend on her.
Main conflict- Andrea is competing with Megan to win her family back.
Dramatic Question: Will Andrea be able to convince her family she is who she says she is and win them back from Meagan?
Dilemma: Andrea doesn’t look like herself, so she either has to convince her family that she’s who she says she is and get them to accept her the way she is now, or move on without them.
Theme: It’s what’s inside of a person that counts.
3. DISCOVERIES AND IMPROVEMENTS
I first realized that my dilemma wasn’t really a dilemma. I also noticed my theme was off. Finally, my components were not in sync and my movie was just all over the place and unfocused. I decided instead of the movie being about Andrea coming back from time travel as someone else, it’s really about her trying to win her family back from Meagan who doesn’t have a big career standing in her way and can focus entirely on Andrea’s family. So the dramatic question becomes will Andrea step back from her very successful career to have more time for her family and win them back from Meagan. Also, I believe the plot would be stronger as Rivalry instead of Transformation and that Andrea getting her husband to fall in love with her all over again can be the B story.
4. Concept: A famous newscaster comes back from time travel a year into the future and finds that her family has been taken over by another woman and must compete with this woman to get them back.
Lead Characters: Andrea-a famous news anchor who has neglected her family, Josh-Andrea’s husband, Meagan-an ex-girlfriend of Josh who becomes involved with him after Andrea disappears
Plot/Structure: Rivalry
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time one day.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and finds that she has come back as Joanie the news desk assistant.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan.
Mid-point: Andrea realizes that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in convincing Josh and her two kids that she’s who she says she is, they confess that they are happier with Meagan than they were with her.
Climax: Andrea (who’s convinced a colleague of her true identity) does an expose’ on the professor and gets him to confess on air that he conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. Andrea admits to neglecting her family and pleads with them to take her back even though she doesn’t look like herself. . Josh and the kids see the report and have a change of heart about Andrea.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
Main conflict- Andrea is competing with Megan to win her family back.
Dramatic Question: Will Andrea step back from her career to win Josh and her kids back from Meagan?
Dilemma: Andrea can keep her career and lose her family, or step back from her career and keep her family.
Theme: Realizing what’s most important in life.
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PS80 Amy’s First Pass
What I learned doing this assignment is that doing an outline this way opens up a lot of creativity. For me, it also showed me a lot of problems. Maybe it’s my story and struggling with the logistics and plausibility of time travel. At one point, my story had completely fallen apart and I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to complete this assignment. I also learned that everything I’ve done up to this point is still evolving from my structure right down to the logline. I’m not sure that’s how it’s supposed to work, but I keep having to go backward and remake some decisions that I already made.
1. Logline: A nationally known newscaster who has been neglecting her family travels through time and comes back as someone else and one year into the future. She then has to compete with her husband’s ex-girlfriend who has inserted herself into her family’s life while she’s been gone.
2. Plot/Plot Summary: #12 Transformation – The protagonist goes through a transforming incident that propels her into a crisis, starting the change. As she experiences the transformation she concentrates on self-examination then experiences the final stage of the transformation, a significant change in her life.
3. Structure:
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time one day.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and finds herself at the newsroom assistant, Joanie’s desk.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in convincing Josh and her two kids that she’s who she says she is, they confess that they are happier with Meagan than they were with her.
Climax: Andrea (who’s convinced a colleague of her true identity) does an expose’ on the professor and gets him to confess on air that he conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. Andrea admits to neglecting her family and pleads with them to take her back even though she doesn’t look like herself. . Josh and the kids see the report and have a change of heart about Andrea.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
4. Protagonist Character Arc
Meagan goes from being a woman who finds her significance in her career to a woman who finds her significance in those who love and depend on her.
Part to be changed: Andrea is focused on her career and neglectful of her family.
Biggest fear: Without a career, her life has no significance.
Completion of Arc: Andrea realizes that being a wife and mother gives her life significance and steps down at work to have more time for her family.
5. Plot in Structure:
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
1. INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
It’s chaos and excitement as Andrea, the producer and the production crew rush to get on the air on time.
2. INT. –NEWSROOM – NIGHT
Breaking news happens. Andrea calls home to let her family know that once again, she will not be home for dinner.
3. INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh helps the kids with their homework. They complain about their mom not being there.
4. EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s family is at her son’s baseball game. Her son keeps looking back hoping she will show up. Meagan, one of Josh’s ex-girlfriends is there because her kid is also on the team.
5. INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea discusses with her boss the exciting new development at the local university, the completion of a supercollider. Her boss assigns her the story.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about the university’s new supercollider and “accidentally” gets sent back in time one day.
6. INT. –UNVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea interviews the professor who demonstrates for her how the supercollider works. Andrea gets sucked into the machine.
7. INT – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea realizes there are two of her as she sees herself having the conversation she had with her boss earlier.
8. INT. – STUDIO – NIGHT
Andrea peaks around a wall in the studio and watches the newscast air and her stand-in reporting on the fact that she got sucked into the machine and is missing. She sees the footage of herself disappearing.
9. INT – JOSH’S OFFICE – DAY
Andrea goes to Josh’s office and is surprised to find Meagan there coming on to him.
10. INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea convinces the professor to turn on the machine and she gets sucked in again.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back from the past and finds herself at the newsroom assistant, Joanie’s desk.
11. INT. – BATHROOM – DAY
Andrea/Joanie looks at herself in the mirror and sees that she indeed looks like Joanie.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan.
12. INT – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
Andrea/Joanie drives to Andrea’s home and rings the bell. Josh and her kids come to the door but don’t recognize her. She tells them she’s their wife/mom. They don’t believe her. Meagan comes to the door to see what’s going on. Andrea notices she’s wearing an engagement ring. Megan kisses Josh.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time.
13. INT. – COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Andrea overhears Meagan tell her friend that she got rid of Andrea by conspiring with the professor.
14. INT. –SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea talks to the professor and threatens to tell everyone what he did if he doesn’t help her send Meagan back in time.
15. EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everyone about Meagan conspiring with the professor to get rid of her.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
16. INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT
Meagan shows up. The professor tries to get her close to the machine. It almost works, but Meagan figures out what he’s up to and steps away. Andrea watches all this from the door.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in convincing Josh and her two kids that she’s who she says she is, they confess that they are happier with Meagan than they were with her.
17. INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea begs her family to believe the things she’s telling them. They start to come around but end up confessing they are happier with Meagan than they were with her.
Climax: Andrea (who’s convinced a colleague of her true identity) does an expose’ on the professor and gets him to confess on air that he conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. Andrea admits to neglecting her family and pleads with them to take her back even though she doesn’t look like herself. Josh and the kids see the report and have a change of heart about Andrea.
18. INT. – STUDIO/ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea/Joanie convinces her boss to let her go on the air with a big story. She does an expose’ about the professor and Meagan and everything that has happened to her. She admits to neglecting her family and pleads with them to take her back even though she doesn’t look like herself. Josh and the kids see the report and have a change of heart. Suddenly, everything changes and it’s the day Andrea disappeared again.
19. INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea is back at the science lab. She’s herself again. She walks away from the supercollider and out of the lab.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea is reunited with Josh and her kids.
20. INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY
Andrea asks her boss to go back to just being a reporter and not an anchor anymore so she can focus on her family.
21. INT- ANDREA’S HOME – NIGHT
Andrea, Josh and the kids watch the professor and Meagan get arrested on the news.
22. EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Andrea’s son is up to bat. He looks back at his mom, beaming. Andre and Josh kiss.
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PS80 Amy’s Favorite Movie Outline
What I learned doing this assignment is mostly about set-ups and pay-offs. I never realized how many of them are in this movie and how when you first look at a scene, there are things in the scene that become important later, but for the moment, you don’t notice them.
Move: A Dream of Christmas
Dramatic Question: Will Penny get her old life back or will she have to settle for the new one.
Main conflict: Penny is living the wish she made, but she wants her old life back.
Dilemma: Penny wants her husband back, but he doesn’t know her or anything of their life together.
Theme: The grass is always greener on the other side.
INT. – PENNY AND STUART’S BEDROOM – DAY
Penny trips over her husband, Stu’s suitcase he left on the floor and curses him.
INT. – BEDROOM – DAY
Penny examines her outfit(s) in the mirror as she prepares for an interview for a promotion at work. She states that she would love to see herself as the Senior Vice President of Marketing.
INT. –KITCHEN – DAY
It’s a chaotic scene as Penny’s sister Niki and her husband Bryan and their children live with her. Everyone is getting ready for the day at the same time. Penny gets frustrated with Stu and the coffee maker that doesn’t work. Then as she’s feeding her niece, she gets food spit all over her outfit.
INT – BOARDROOM – DAY
Penny arrives late for her interview. The security guy didn’t even look up when she said hello.
EXT. – CHRISTMAS TREE LOT – DAY
Stuart and Bryan pick out a Christmas tree. Stuart gets a call from work.
INT. – SHOPPING MALL – DAY
Penny and Niki stand in the line with Niki’s kids to meet Santa. A strange lady behind them keeps inserting herself into their conversation. Penny notices the Gillingham department store and says what a good job she could do advertising for them.
EXT. – CHRISTMAS TREE LOT – DAY
Stuart tells Bryan that he has to go on another work trip to Alaska, and it’s his chance to get the last photos he needs for his photography book. He just got back from a trip. They discuss the fact that Penny took the advertising job to support Stuart publishing his book.
INT. – SHOPPING MALL – DAY
Penny questions how different her life would be if she had made other choices. She gets the call from Stuart telling her he’s going on another trip. Penny wishes she had never gotten married. The strange lady behind her says to be careful what you wish for.
INT. – PENNY AND STUART’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Penny, Stuart, Niki, Bryan and the kids put up the Christmas tree. They discuss how Stuart and Penny always go to the tree lot together to pick a Douglas fir tree and the fact that that is how they met. Penny steps on the ladder to put the angel on the tree (her special job every year) and falls off the ladder.
INT. – PENNY’S BEDROOM – DAY
Penny wakes up in her bed alone.
INT. – PENNY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Penny realizes everything in her house if different.
INT. – PENNY’S KITCHEN – DAY
Penny notices that her broken coffee maker has been replaced with a new age coffee maker. She tries to call Stu but gets a wrong number. She then gets a call from her personal assistant Paula begging her to come to work because she has a presentation.
EXT. – HOUSE – DAY
Penny walks out of her house and sees a bright ride Jaguar in the driveway and is surprised to find that the keys are in her purse.
INT. –OFFICE – LOBBY – DAY
The same security guy speaks to Penny when she comes in and calls her by her name and is very respectful to her.
INT. – OFFICE –CUBICLE – DAY
Penny sits down at what was her cubicle as a copywriter and realizes it belongs to an intern.
INT. – PENNY’S OFFICE – DAY
Penny realizes from talking to Paula that she is the Senior VP of Marketing.
INT. – JEWELRY STORE – DAY
Penny talks to her Niki thinking they are both married but learns from her that neither of them is married. She realizes she’s not wearing her wedding ring.
EXT. – STREET – DAY
Penny comes across the strange lady from the mall. She informs Penny that she granted her her wish and tells her that her name is Jayne with a Y.
INT. –STORE – DAY
Penny follows Jayne into the store. Jayne tells her that Stu doesn’t exist in this world and that Niki never met Bryan because she and Stu introduced them.
INT. – PENNY’S OFFICE – DAY
Penny tells Paula about her wish coming true. Paula doesn’t really understand and thinks that Penny is talking about something that happened in the past. She encourages her to release the past and move on. Reminds her that she’s known as the “barracuda.”
SERIES OF SHOTS
Penny gets a makeover and buys new clothes. She embraces the new aged coffee maker in her kitchen.
INT. – OFFICE – DAY
Penny gives everyone candy canes. It surprises everyone that she is being nice.
INT. – ELEVATOR – DAY
Paula reminds Penny that she has an appointment with someone from Gillingham’s department store.
INT. – PENNY’S OFFICE – DAY
Penny assures her boss, Avery, that the meeting with Gillingham’s will go well.
INT. – OFFICE – DAY
Penny meets the young Mr. Gillingham and is smitten with him.
INT. –BOARDROOM – DAY
Penny impresses Mr. Gillingham whose first name is Andrew and he signs with the agency.
INT. – PENNY’S OFFICE – DAY
Avery tells Penny well done.
INT. – PENNY’S OFFICE – DAY
Penny is visited by Jilly from finance and learns that Friday night is girls’ night in her new life. She compares it to watching movies with Stu on Friday night.
INT. – RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Penny meets the girls who want to know about Andrew Gillingham. One of them mentions that she wishes she could bottle time. That gives Penny an idea about the advertising campaign for Gillingham.
INT. –PENNY’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Penny creates the campaign for Gillingham’s
INT. – SHOPPING MALL – DAY
Penny meets with Andrew to intro her idea for his advertising campaign called “Christmas in a box” which involves selling fiber optic Christmas trees. Andrew is impressed with Penny’s idea. He wants to celebrate by taking her to dinner.
EXT. –STREET – NIGHT
After dinner, Andrew walks Penny to her car and tries to kiss her, but she pulls away. In a roundabout way she tells him about her old life which he interprets to mean she has an ex-husband. After Penny pulls away and Andrew walks off, he bumps into Stuart.
INT. – OFFICE – STUDIO – DAY
The photographer for the Gillingham shoot cancels. Paul asks Penny if she knows another one with an eye for style.
INT. – DESK – DAY
Penny searches online for Stuart’s photography website and finds him.
INT. – STUART’S PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO – DAY
Penny offers Stu the photography job for her shoot. He turns it down and Penny realizes that he doesn’t know her at all in her new life.
INT. – STUART’S PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO – DAY
Stu considers Penny’s offer. As he looks at her business card, we hear him calling Penny and accepting the offer after all.
INT. – OFFICE – STUDIO – DAY
Stu and Andrew disagree about the photography. Penny sides with Stu and convinces Andrew that his way is best, and it becomes apparent what a good team Penny and Stu are.
INT. – ELEVATOR – NIGHT
Penny comes off the elevator to find Stu putting away his photography equipment and offers to help carry some of it back to his studio. Stu says he likes to work everywhere and Penny lets it slip out that she knows this about him, which strikes Stu as odd.
EXT. – STREET – NIGHT
Penny spots a Douglas fir tree as she walks with Stu. They talk about how they both go to the tree lot on Christmas Eve. They share a tender look which becomes awkward, and then Stu leaves abruptly.
INT. JEWELRY STORE – NIGHT
Penny tells Niki about her walk with Stu and the fact that it got awkward at the end and he left.
EXT. – STREET – NIGHT
Penny runs into Jayne who gives her a present. Jayne tells Penny the boss (God) is not happy with her because Penny messed up her wish by contacting Stu. After Jayne disappears, Penny leaves the present on the bench and calls Stu.
INT. STUART’S PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO – DAY
Penny and Stu look over the photos he took at the shoot. Penny tells him things about himself that he surprised to learn she knows. She confesses to him that the life she is living now isn’t really hers. Stu doesn’t really understand what she’s trying to tell him.
INT. – OFFICE – STUDIO – DAY
At the next photo shoot for Gillingham’s, Stu is waiting for lenses. The lenses are brought by Brian. Penny embraces him and tells him it’s good to see him, which strikes everyone around her as weird because as far as they know, she doesn’t know him.
INT. – BALLROOM – NIGHT
At the ad agency’s Christmas party, Penny witnesses Andrew take credit for her idea for the ad campaign. Stu shows up with Bryan which Stu and Penny then introduce to Niki. Stu introduces Penny to his fiancée. Andrew figures out that Stu is Penny’s “ex-husband” and gloats about it.
INT. – BACK ROOM – NIGHT
Penny sits on the stairs and cries.
INT. – PENNY’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
Niki is there and comments on the fact that Penny left the party early. Penny confesses to her that she used to be a different person. Niki gets multiple text messages from Bryan and confesses to Penny that they have a day even though it’s Christmas Eve.
INT. – PENNY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Penny longingly looks at her fake Christmas tree as she remembers putting up her real Christmas tree with Stu in her old life. Suddenly, Jayne appears on the couch. Penny tells her she’s done with her wish, but Jayne says she can’t give it back. Penny leaves to go find Stu and tell him everything.
EXT. – CHRISTMAS TREE LOT – NIGHT
Penny finds Stu at the lot. He tells her it’s like he’s always known her, like déjà vu. He gives her an angel he found on the ground, the same angel from Penny’s tree in her old life. Stu’s fiancée is calling for him to come see the toy soldiers. Stu says to Penny that maybe things would be different if it was a different time and a different place. This gives Penny the idea to put the angel on the tree. She climbs on the ladder, puts the angel on the tree and falls off.
INT. – STUART AND PENNY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Penny wakes up with Stu looking over her. She is overjoyed to be back in her old life and hugs everyone and wishes them Merry Christmas. She then gets a call from work telling her she got the promotion. She tells Stu she’s not going to take it because she’s going to Alaska with him to help him with his book.
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PS80 Amy’s Basic Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is that in looking at the examples provided if you have these 9 beats and they are strong, then you have the basis for a strong story.
Note: I realized that by focusing on the relationship between Andrea and Meagan that I was neglecting the important relationship between Andre and Josh, so my character structure is now romantic triangle and my plot is mostly love but kind of combined with rivalry.
Logline: A nationally known newscaster who has been neglecting her family has her DNA altered when she travels back in time. When she gets back, she must compete with her husband, Josh’s ex-girlfriend who has inserted herself into her life in the year that she’s been gone.
Opening: Andrea lives an exciting life as a newscaster on a national network. She works too much and never sees her family.
Inciting incident: Andrea interviews a science professor at a local college about time travel and “accidently” gets sent back in time to when she was single.
Page 10: Andrea arrives back in the present with her DNA altered. She no longer looks like herself.
End of Act 1: Andrea realizes a year has passed. Everyone assumed she was dead and her husband, Josh has gotten together with a girlfriend from his past, Meagan.
Mid-point: Andrea has done some digging and comes to the realization that Meagan conspired with the professor to send her back in time.
End of Act 2-Andrea tries to send Meagan back in time but fails.
Crisis-Although Andrea succeeds in convincing Josh and her two kids that she’s who she says she is, they confess that they are happier with Meagan than they were with her.
Climax: Andrea (who’s convinced a colleague of her true identity) does an expose on the professor and gets him to confess on air that he conspired with Meagan to send her back in time. Andrea admits to neglecting her family and resigns on air. Josh and the kids see the report and have a change of heart about Andrea.
Resolution: Meagan and the professor get arrested. Andrea’s DNA changes back to what it was now that she’s has learned what she needed to learn and she and Josh and her kids are reunited.
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P80 Amy’s Necessary Questions
What I learned doing this assignment is that having strong answers to these questions will ensure that your concept and therefore your screenplay will be strong.
Concept: A nationally known newscaster whose DNA was altered by time travel must battle her husband’s ex-girlfriend to retake her family and convince them she’s who she says she is.
Dramatic question: Will Andrea be able to convince her family that she’s who she says she is and get them back?
Main conflict: Andrea is trying to get her family back, but Meagan is determined to keep that from happening.
Dilemma: Andrea doesn’t look like herself, so she either has to convince them that she’s who she says she is and get them to accept her the way she is now, or move on without them.
Theme: It’s what’s inside of a person that counts.
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P80 Amy’s Dramatic Plots 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that my story can even fit into some plots that I never would have considered before.
Original concept: A nationally known newscaster whose DNA was altered by time travel must battle her husband’s ex-girlfriend to retake her family and convince them she’s who she says she is.
Sacrifice: A woman comes back from time travel a year later to find that her DNA has been altered and her husband’s ex-girlfriend has taken over her family and been a better mom and partner to her husband than she ever was, so comes to realize that she’s going to have to sacrifice her career to get her family back.
Love: A woman comes back from time travel a year later with her DNA altered and has to get the man who was her husband to fall in love with the new her and leave his ex-girlfriend who he started dating when she disappeared and who took over her family.
Plot I would like to use: Revenge
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P80 Amy’s Dramatic Plots 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that there is more than one way to write any concept that I come up with.
Rivalry: Andrea comes back from time travel a year later and confronts Meagan who has taken over her family. Andrea tries talking to her husband and kids, but since her DNA has been altered and they don’t recognize her, they dismiss her. Andrea, a nationally known newscaster, isn’t recognized at work either, so she is homeless and jobless. She desperately tries to convince her family that she is who she says she is. She shows up at her husband’s job and her kids’ school activities. Meagan gets a restraining order against Andrea. Meanwhile, Andrea gets a former co-worker to believe that she is the woman who has been missing and has been presumed dead and he agrees to do a news story on her. Her family sees the story and starts to reconsider. Meagan doesn’t like this at all and begins a smear campaign to turn everyone she can, including all of the moms of the kids’ friends and all of the wives of Andrea’s husband’s co-workers against Andrea. She manages to convince them all that Andrea is just a crazy person trying to take over Meagan’s family. Finally, Andrea shows up to her son’s baseball game at the risk of being arrested. She goes undetected at first, but Meagan sees her and calls the police. The police arrive to arrest her, but she breaks free of them and runs up to the fence to talk to her son. She says to him the thing she had always said to him just before he gets up to bat. Suddenly, everyone realizes that it’s really Andrea. Upon this realization, Andrea’s DNA changes back. Her husband and kids are overjoyed. Meagan gets very angry and stomps away during their reunion.
Revenge: Andrea comes back from time travel a year later to find that Meagan(a single mom in the PTA with her) has taken over her family and that her DNA was altered by the time travel so that her husband and kids do not recognize her. She joins the PTA at the kids’ school and tries to befriend her husband and kids as a starting point to eventually telling them who she is. In the process, she does some digging and finds out that Meagan is the one who sent her traveling through time when she interviewed the local professor about the supercollider he was experimenting with at the local university. Meagan catches on to the fact that Andrea is trying to befriend the family that isn’t really hers and starts trying to turn them against her. Andrea, in desperation, tells her family who she is, but they don’t believe her. Andrea realizes the only way to get her family back is to get rid of Meagan. She starts going through her memory to figure out what happened just before she disappeared. She eventually puts all the pieces together and figures out what she has to do to send Megan back in time. At a school event, Andrea confronts Meagan in front of everybody without naming the professor knowing that Meagan will go to the professor to try to keep him quiet. Meagan arrives at the university, but Andrea has beaten her there and now has the professor on her side. Andrea pushed Meagan into the supercollider and sends her back in time. Andrea goes back to the school event and meets up with her family who now sees that she’s who she says she is. The reunite and Andrea’s DNA changes back to its original state.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Amy Falkofske.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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PS80 Amy’s Character Structure
1. A nationally known newscaster whose DNA was altered by time travel must battle her husband’s ex-girlfriend to retake her family and convince them she’s who she says she is.
2. Protagonist vs. Antagonist
3. -Andrea is a nationally known newscaster who has to battle her husband’s ex-girlfriend to win her family back and convince them she’s who she says she is.
-Meagan is Andrea’s husband’s ex-girlfriend who took Andrea’s place in her family when Andrea went missing.
4. I see the protagonist vs. antagonist character structure playing out between Andrea and Meagan by Andrea showing up a year later after her disappearance and disrupting the home that Meagan has built with Andrea’s family. I see Andrea becoming such a nuisance trying to convince her family that’s she’s really who she says she is, that Meagan gets a restraining order against her. I see Andrea resorting to secret ways of communicating with each of her family members while trying to go undetected by Meagan. I think there will be some sort of final showdown between the two of them where Andrea’s family starts to see Meagan for who she really is and they start to realize that Andrea is who she says she is.
5. What I learned from doing this assignment is how to look at each character as having their own story.
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Hello everyone!
My name is Amy Falkofske. I’ve written 3 feature length scripts and a handful of short scripts.
What I hope to get out of this class is to get closer to reaching my full potential as a writer. I’m also hoping the work I do in this class will move me towards becoming a paid screenwriter, whether that’s getting optioned or getting a writing assignment.
Something about me is that my grandmother on my dad’s side is Syrian, so I am one quarter Syrian.
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I learned something from each section of the phone call, but the two that stand out are:
1. Becoming a working screenwriter is not a matter of taking a gamble and winning the lottery, but it’s elevating my writing and making connections.
2. Excessive feedback shuts me down. I once wrote a script alongside a screenwriting teacher and was getting constant feedback. I now see clearly how frustrating that process was and remember how I shut down and walked away at one point. Additionally, when I took the re-write class, I wondered why I never got any feedback from Hal or anybody else at ScreenwritingU. I see now that that is by design.
Bonus: I was reminded that I shouldn’t be critical of myself when writing the first draft and I need to give myself permission to write a bad first draft.
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Amy Falkofske
I agree to this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi Renee,
I sent you an email when I saw that you were in this class!
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Hi Elizabeth,
Interesting story. You need a one-line hook at the beginning. Maybe stop at good news, bad news, and put the next sentence into the paragraph underneath. Also, put the two hooks at the end into the last paragraph instead of on a line by themselves. Here is the format Hal gave us.
Hook
Interesting Explanation
Hook/Twist
Interesting Explanation
Hook/Close
I think I understand what’s going on in the paragraph that starts Ed’s only love has died, but I’m not sure. Is there a clearer way you can state all that’s going on there?
Hope this helps.
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Jodie,
Your letter is intriguing and believe would make someone want to read your script. The only thing I would change would be the formatting a little bit. Here is the template that Hal gave us.
Hook
Interesting Explanation
Hook/Twist
Interesting Explanation
Hook/Close
It seems you have two hooks at the beginning. What do insecure… and These situations…
Then you have additional hooks after the close. Karen’s mother… and Can Pam…
This is all interesting information about your script. Just try to find a way to work it in without the extra lines.
Hope that helps.
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Hi Pablo,
You have a good hook at the beginning. I tried to figure where you could cut information, but it all seems important. It’s only two paragraphs, so it might be okay. One thing I would do, is go back and look at the hooks you wrote out when you did that assignment and make sure you are just using those and resist the temptation to tell the story. I think I have the same problem in mine though. It’s hard to just use the hooks because then the story doesn’t make sense. I hope this helps.
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Hi Pablo,
That would be great!
Amy
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Nevermind. I figured it out!
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Bob,
Where did you find the ScreenwritingU producers?
Amy
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No problem! You’re welcome!
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Hey Michelle,
I posted your feedback in Day 7.
Amy
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Hey Michelle,
Do you want to exchange feedback?
Amy
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Thanks, Michelle. It IS kind of confusing and I need to figure out how to clear things up. Basically, Andrea goes back to key moments in her life, then comes back through the machine a year into the future. Once she learns her lesson in the future, she comes back through the machine a second time in the original time. The opening scene is taken from the very end of the movie when she has just spent a couple of months in the future but now she is back to the present day. So for Dr. Smitty, Meagan and Mark, it’s only been a few minutes.
I do need to do a better job of introducing the characters. I will agree with that. The tone of the movie is meant to lighthearted and funny. I often get told my dialogue is too on the nose. It’s the bane of my existence! Your suggestion to think about what I want the audience to feel is helpful. Thanks for the feedback!
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John,
Sorry you’re having issues. You can send it to me at amy2of4falkofskes@verizon.net and I will try to post it for you.
Amy
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Great! I’ll take a look at your pages this weekend.
Amy
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Julia,
I think you have a better chance since you are already a published author. That’s something positive.
Amy
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Julia,
I feel your pain and I am doing the same, just plowing ahead. With my ending I have to rewrite everything I’ve already written.
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Janeen,
I’ve only written about 60 pages of mine, so if you missed something, so did I.
Amy
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Critique of Jodi’s Scene
Hi Jodi,
Truthfully, this was difficult to read, but I still think you did a good job of using advanced dialogue techniques. You have the one big metaphor of a baseball game as Jodi’s’ activism, and you have smaller metaphors throughout. I also think you made good use of anticipatory dialogue. Pam and Thomas’s character traits come through in their dialogue pretty strongly. Good job there. Both of their world views present themselves in a strong way as well. Good job.
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Thank you very much, Jodi! Thanks for reading my scenes! Do you still need someone to critique your scene? If I can’t get to it today, I will try to do it tomorrow.
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Thank you very much, John!
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Amy’s Critique of John’s scene
Hey John,
Good scene. I feel like the shooting competition is subtext for Puck and Sal’s relationship. The subtext skill I see most strongly represented is language patterns (metaphor, implication, insinuation, hint, sarcasm, allusion).
One thing that was kind of confusing is where Puck shoots the number 8 balloon. The way you wrote it, it seems at first that the balloon bursts on its own. Maybe say something like Puck gets a shot in before Sal has a chance to react.
Lastly, I love the line “As real as you’re going to find here.” It’s loaded with subtext because what he’s really saying is they are not real and we don’t have any real ones. It even points to Puck and Sal’s naivety, which is also part of the subtext of this scene.
Good job!
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Hi John,
That would be great! I’ll take a look at your scene tomorrow.
Amy
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Amy’s Critique of Michelle’s Scene
Hey Michelle,
Oooo! Good scene! There was suspense all the way through the scene wondering how the whole thing with Nina and the creep was going to play out. The scene also left me wondering what was going to happen next as Osgood was just a silent observer and you feel like at some point his observation of all this is going to become important. Your descriptions were great too. I could totally picture the drink spiker as a creep. I wonder if it’s possible to get Osgood a little more involved in the scene or if it’s better to leave him just as solely a silent observer. I’m not really sure, but maybe something to think about. I realize I’m contradicting myself a little bit there. Anyway, great job!
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John,
Thank you very much! Your critique was confirming for me as I almost discarded this and wrote a different scene because I thought it was terrible, lol.
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Amy’s Critique of John Budinscak’s scene
Hey John,
Great scene! It seems you used pretty much every skill that we learned in this module. There was anticipatory dialogue all the way through. There was suspense with Puck and Sal discussing what was in the bag. I was also on the edge of my seat wondering how Jack was going to treat the boys considering he had just lost nearly everything and the boys won everything. It was heartwarming at the end of the scene that he took them under his wing to “educate” them. I don’t know if that was what you were going for, but that’s how it came across to me. You made great use of vivid description and emotional description. I think that came through the strongest of all the skills you used. There were hooks all throughout the scene as well. Great job!
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Hello John,
That would be great. I’ll take a look at your scene.
Amy
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Hi Denise,
That would be great!
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Hi Jim,
I’m ready to work on the producer interview. Would you like to work together?
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Bob,
I like the improvements you made to the dialogue. There’s some verbal sparring in this version that makes the scene more interesting.
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Hey Bob,
It’s hilarious that Jannings uses his Oscar for protection and his official papers. Jannings is definitely an interesting and unique character. One thing that would make this scene stronger is subtext. When asked what he wants, Jannings pretty much spells it all out for them. Try having him be a little evasive like he has something to hide. I like Rob’s idea of having both him and Kershaw knowing that he is washed up but he doesn’t want to admit it. That would give Kershaw subtext as well because he doesn’t want to come right out and say that he knows that Jannings is washed up. Hope this helps.
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Hi Bob!
Thanks for reading my scene and the kind words. Thanks for the technical guidance as well. It’s been a thousand years since I worked in TV news so I forgot the sign for wrap it up, lol. I would be happy to take a look at your scene.l
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Michelle,
I enjoyed reading your outline. The beginning is especially strong in how you set everything up through Ted’s narration and the set-up of Nina sitting next to Ted at the bar. I like the nuggets you have here and there like Nina being scared by a guy dressed as a vampire. I like the funny scenes like Ted eating a vegan meal and giving out candy to trick-or-treaters. You do a good job of showing Ted’s character arc. The nuns defending the vampires is an interesting twist I look forward to learning more about. I can tell you have decisions to make about how it ends. I think once you do, your outline will be strong throughout.
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Hi Erin,
I like your story. You’ve answered some of the questions I had from your story logic web.
I like how Shaz helps Richard and Dick in the end.
I like the moment where Richard learns that Dick’s wife left him because he was so rigid. That seems like a major turning point for him.
I’m not clear on how Richard giving up control possibly jeopardizes his mission to disarm the nuclear weapon, but maybe that’s not something you can really show in an outline.
In the scene where Richard encounters the criminals, is it because of something dirty dealings that Dick had with them? That would definitely go along with his character (i.e. running from the cops)
I couldn’t really identify set-ups and pay-offs, but there is escalating tension, so that’s good. One thing you could do is hint towards Dunya being evil in some way earlier on in the story.
Your outline flows well. I don’t see any holes or problems in your story.
I was trying to think of a more succinct way to state your theme. Maybe you can say “sometimes you have to sacrifice something to keep what you have.” Just a thought. It’s not really different from what you have but maybe a little more to the point.
Good work! Let me know if you have specific questions.
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Michelle,
Thanks for your feedback. Funny, having Andrea’s DNA change was my original idea, but I was having trouble making it work because it was only changing on one trip. I like your idea of having her change to be more beautiful on one trip and plain or ugly on the other trip. I agree that could be fun.
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Hi Michelle,
I have one, but another one would help to see if you are seeing the same problems.
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Hi Michelle,
I really like your story. The Story Logic Web seems strong. The characters are strong too. I think all of your possible resolutions are good. B is my favorite because it means a happy ending for everyone without the humans having to turn to vampires. If Ted turns human, then he no longer has the conflict of whether to kill the family or protect them. If the family turns, that also eliminates the conflict – but it’s ultimately your decision on what you’ll be most happy with.
You could maybe elaborate on the threat from the Elder vampires. What do they want Ted to do? I’m also not clear on how turning Jim saves Nina and Marin. When you say things go very bad, is that between Nina and Marin or between Nina and Marin and the vampires?
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Hi Erin,
I like your story. This is an interesting and intriguing idea. I certainly sympathize with the difficulties of working out the logistics of time travel. My feedback is mostly questions for clarification and maybe things that you’ve already worked out-but if not, food for thought. think your 9 points flow well from one to the other and are strong. Here are my questions:
Why is Dick so different from Richard? Was it just because his wife left him? I look forward to reading the conversations between them.
You say that Richard leads the “nuke troops” on what turns out to be an exercise. What is the exercise? What exactly is going on in that scene and what’s its significance?
Also, has Richard already traveled into the future? Is that where WWIII takes place? Is that why he suspects he will die in the future? If WWIII takes place after 2055, then why does Richard need to travel back to 2028 to stop it?
Richard’s dilemma is to stick to his tried and true ways and risk losing his marriage or become more flexible and save his marriage. How does this play out if his wife is in 2055? Is this an internal struggle only until he gets back to 2055?
Does learning to be more flexible help Richard in his quest to stop the rogue nuke? The dilemma and the dramatic question seem to be a bit at odds.
I hope this helps. Let me know if you have questions about any of my comments.
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Hi Erin!
I sent you an email. 😊
Amy
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Hi Claudia,
I really like your idea!
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Hi Julia,
I can’t find the others either.