[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s 4 Pitches – Draft 1

This is grotesquely late, but if anyone is still looking for an exchange, please contact me.

______________________

1. Elevator pitch
I’m working on a domestic thriller about a fortune teller who manipulates people to death.

______________________

2. Phone pitch
I have a thriller about a fortune teller who’s on the edge between a genuine psychic and a master manipulator. When a sexual predator threatens her children, he winds up dead.

______________________

3. Pitch Fest pitch
Hi. I am an award-winning screenwriter who specializes in thrillers.

When Daphne’s husband dies in a freak accident with a power saw, she’s left to fend for herself and her two sons, reading tarot cards to make ends meet. A client with a shady past offers her a new life, but it turns out he may be more interested In her sons than her. Is another accident in the cards?

______________________

4. Query Letter

QUEEN OF SWORDS – domestic thriller

“The universe always protects me.”

Ed’s tragic encounter with a power saw is probably an accident.

In some ways, Daphne is better off without the brute, but his death leaves her a single mother making ends meet reading tarot cards above a hair salon owned by her annoying mother; not for long if she can help it. Daphne is resourceful, determined and more than a little impulsive, so when a cocky new client starts to woo her, it isn’t long before she’s moving in with him along with her two boys.

Too bad he’s a sexual predator.

Daphne can put up with a lot — maybe because she was abused as a child; or maybe because she grew up with gay hairdressers; or maybe because she’s had too many bad relationships — so Roy’s shady past isn’t a deal breaker, until he starts to take an unhealthy interest in one of her sons. Luckily, fate steps in to resolve the issue for her.

Or is Daphne a serial killer?

If you like the concept, I would be happy to send you the script.

Regards,
Andrew

Bio: Andrew Kelm is an award-winning screenwriter who studied writing at the Canadian Film Centre

Contact Andrew Kelm: ndrwkelm@gmail.com / 416-929-2304

[Andrew Kelm]

Draft 2

1. Elevator pitch

I’m working on a thriller about a fortune teller who manipulates people to death.

2. Phone pitch

I have a thriller about a fortune teller with a genuine gift for helping people combined with a talent for manipulation. Her Achilles heel is a pattern of being drawn to abusive men. When they start turning up dead, the police are suspicious but she is always far from the scene.

3. Pitch Fest pitch

Hi. I am an award-winning screenwriter who specializes in thrillers.

When Daphne’s abusive husband dies in an apparent accident with a power saw, she’s left a single mother reading tarot cards to make ends meet in an apartment owned by her controlling mother. When a client with a shady past offers her a new life, she grabs at the lifeline, but she discovers that he may have a sexual interest in one of her sons. Is another accident in the cards?

4. Query Letter

QUEEN OF SWORDS – thriller

Ed’s tragic encounter with a power saw is probably an accident.

In some ways, Daphne is better off without the brute, but his death leaves her a single mother making ends meet reading tarot cards above a hair salon owned by her controlling mother. Daphne is resourceful, determined and more than a little impulsive, so when a cocky new client starts to woo her, it isn’t long before she’s moving in with him along with her two boys.

Too bad he’s a sexual predator.

Daphne can put up with a lot — maybe because she was abused as a child; or maybe because she grew up with gay hairdressers; or maybe because she’s had too many bad relationships — so Roy’s shady past doesn’t bother her much, until he starts to take an unhealthy interest in one of her sons. Luckily, fate steps in to resolve the issue for her.

Or is Daphne a serial killer?

If you like the concept, I would be happy to send you the script.

Regards,

Andrew

Bio: Andrew Kelm is an award-winning screenwriter who studied writing at the Canadian Film Centre

Contact Andrew Kelm: ndrwkelm@gmail.com / 416-929-2304

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Target Market

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… This is so hard! I hate it more than income tax. I don’t find it easy and I don’t believe that any of these producers are going to be the least bit interested in my script. But I know that I have to do this; after years of neglecting this I have relearned how to do it; and weeks later, I have found 50 names.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 12 months ago by  Andrew Kelm.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… so much of the power of the story comes from the angle you describe it from.

High concept: A fortune teller claims she has a spirit protector who punishes men who betray her, but actually she’s a serial killer.

Elevator Pitch: I’m working on a script about how con artists use magical thinking to hook into their victims.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Synopsis Hooks

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… to coexist with uncertainty… I am not comfortable with where the script is — the more I look at it to do these exercises, the less I feel confident in it, but I am pushing through.

Hooks

• Death by chainsaw — accident?
• A great Role for a Bankable Actor – Daphne, the main character, is on the edge between a true therapist and a con. She’s smart and witty, and never quite lies outright.
• Daphne was abused as a child
• Daphne is comfortable with gay men as romantic partner
• She becomes involved with a sexual predator who may be after her sons
• She claims that fate looks after by destroying her enemies but actually she is a serial killer.

Story

Ed’s tragic encounter with a power saw was probably an accident.

It left his wife a single mother making ends meet reading tarot cards and living above a hair salon owned by her annoying mother, but not for long if she can help it. Daphne is resourceful, determined and more than a little impulsive, so when Roy shows up as a client and starts to woo her, it isn’t long before she agrees to move in with him along with her two boys.

Too bad he’s a sexual predator.

Daphne isn’t much constrained by traditional morality. Maybe because she was abused as a child, or maybe because she grew up surrounded by gay hairdressers, or maybe because she’s had one too many bad relationship, she’s willing to accept imperfection. But when Roy appears to take an unhealthy interest in one of her sons, she is forced to reconsider. Luckily — for her; not so much for him — fate steps in.

Or does she give it a push?

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s 10 Most Interesting Things

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I have so much inertia when it comes to doing the marketing exercises… This is a simple exercise if you just do it, but I spend so much energy judging! I am not sure that my 10 most interesting things are al that interesting, but I need to let go of the judgment to get on with it. I think I will need to do a final perfectionist draft when everything is done

A tarot card reader seeking validation as a legitimate therapist becomes involved with a client who may be a sexual predator, forcing her to choose between professional ethics and the safety of her sons.

10 most interesting things:

• Hero is a fortune teller who wants to be taken seriously as a therapist

• Death by chainsaw — accident?

• Daphne is comfortable with gay men as romantic partner

• Daphne is a serial killer

• Daphne may be manipulative or true psychic

• Villain makes a good case for pedophilia

• Gilbert sets up Daphne to be investigated by the police

• Daphne swings from being emotionally distraught to amazingly accepting

• Daphne gets Gilbert in the end

• Daphne is very competent as a therapist

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm Meets Producer/Manager

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is…

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

I have a thriller with a femme fatale we want to root for. A cross between Nightmare Alley and Double Indemnity.

A tarot card reader seeking validation as a legitimate therapist becomes involved with a client who may be a sexual predator, forcing her to choose between professional ethics and the safety of her sons.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to a manager?

I specialize in thrillers with witty dialogue. My latest is called FATEMONGER. A tarot card reader seeking validation as a legitimate therapist becomes romantically involved with a client who can help her but may be a sexual predator, forcing her to choose between professional ethics and the safety of her sons.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Marketable Components

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I stumbled here. I got to this exercise and realized that I didn’t solidly have any of the ten marketability components. And I wasn’t freaked out by that. I thought — OK,, this is an opportunity; I can use this to make it better. But I ended up stalling out. I”ve been stuck on this exercises for a couple of weeks. So I am just now getting back to it. I’ve worked on the concept and have been rethinking titles.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Marketability Components:

i. Unique – A tarot card reader seeking validation as a legitimate therapist becomes involved with a client who may be a sexual predator, forcing her to choose between professional ethics and the safety of her sons.

ii. Similarity to a box office success – Double Indemnity meets Nightmare Alley

iii. A great Role for a Bankable Actor – Daphne, the main character, is on the edge between a true therapist and a con. She’s smart and witty, and never quite lies outright.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Project and Market

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to focus my marketing strategy.

1. Psychological Thriller; FATEMONGER; a psychic uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

2. The protagonist operates on the edge between genuine psychic and scam artist. Her mantra is that the universe works through her, but in the end it becomes clear that she is giving fate a push toward the outcome she wants.

3. I will target producers first for no particularly good reason — you have to start somewhere.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm Is a Proofreading Star!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I did the backwards read and discovered a few spelling mistakes and grammar issues. The big discovery was that the last five scenes still need work. They still feel sketched in. So I need to tackle that still.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Wordsmithing!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I was surprised to find so many “Justs” and “starts.”

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

I removed a lot of “justs” and “starts.” I didn’t find many of the other things — that does make me feel a bit guilty and inadequate 🙂 but I am not going to spend time beating myself up over it.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm Has Tested Every Line!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I don’t think I made any huge changes but I made little nips and tucks throughout. There are still some places where I don’t love what’s there, but I can’t think of anything better for the time being.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Old:

Daphne looks at the ligature marks on her wrists;

Goes to the closet to pick a shirt to wear;

Picks one with long, loose sleeves and puts it on;

Studies herself in the mirror, moving her hands to see if the sleeves cover the marks;

Lifts her hands in the air and the sleeves fall to her elbows;

Shakes them back down over her wrists.

New:

Daphne ponders the ligature marks on her wrists;

Picks out a blouse with long, loose sleeves and puts it on;

Checks in the mirror to see if the sleeves cover the marks;

Lifts her hands so the sleeves fall to her elbows;

Shakes them back down over her wrists.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm Has Amazing Dialogue!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… How to stay focused while wordsmithing. I love the four things to look out for! I got a lot more character into the lines; I found a couple of major twists I wasn’t expecting where the scene turned one more time from negative to positive creating a more interesting emotional rollercoaster. I guess this goes beyond dialogue, but I ended up moving some scenes because of what I found in this pass. I also made progress toward getting a deeper layer opposing the dialogue — my main character is very good at pretending nothing’s wrong when it actually is I found some strategic places to let that poke through the surface.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

I started off my counting the changes, but I made changes throughout – some big some small. These aren’t the best examples, but I wanted to complete the exercise.

1. Moving in scene

Before:

TERRY
You need some time to recover.

After:

TERRY
Come on, Daphne! This is good. You need some time to recover.

2. Roy hides out in the Christine’s hair salon

Before:

CHRISTINE
All right. That’s enough. Out!

After:

CHRISTINE
Enough. Out!

3.

Before:

CHRISTINE
Can I help you?

ROY

Uh…

After:

CHRISTINE
Can I help you?

ROY
Well, I guess we all need a little help now and then when we can get it, don’t we?

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm Has Incredible Monologues!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… This assignment pushed me to deal with the deeper layers of my characters. And I think that’s made the script better! But it may also have tipped it into unproduceable territory 🙂 I don’t think I have ever consciously set out to write a monologue before. In fact I have always avoided them in favor of dialogue. But this strategic approach is great! I am really happy with what came out — at least for now…

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

______________________

Roy’s monologue: Daphne has found polaroids of Gilbert in sexual situations with teenage boys

Roy grabs the pictures out of her hand.

ROY
It’s not like what you think.

DAPHNE
What do I think?

ROY
It’s not like they’re victims.

DAPHNE
They’re children.

ROY
They’re old enough to know what they’re doing.

DAPHNE
We’ll see what the police think.

ROY
What about me? If he goes down for this, so do I.

DAPHNE
No. You’re a victim too.

ROY
If I ever was, I’m not anymore. And I never was!

He rips up the pictures and throws them in the trash.

ROY
Gilbert is not the monster you think he is. He helped me. He really did. You think the sex is such a big deal but boys that age are horny. They want to get off however they can. Gilbert makes it OK. He makes these guys you think are victims feel OK about themselves. And he doesn’t just use them and throw them away like toilet paper. He stays in their lives and helps them. The way we’re supposed to grow up is such a load of crap! All these labels. It hasn’t always been like that, you know. In earlier times what Gilbert does would seem normal and healthy — helping boys become men.

DAPHNE
Did he tell you that?

ROY
He gave me books. He was patient with me; showed me certain parts… This is a lie that we’re living, just a way we’ve all agreed to pretend is normal. He puts it on Sundays — and he cares about his congregation! He really does. He cares enough to play the part for them — but that’s not who he really is.

________________________

Gilbert’s monologue — when Daphne confronts him:

DAPHNE
I think you wouldn’t have minded if it got rid of me.

GILBERT
Daphne, please! Roy is family to me. His family is my family.

DAPHNE
And it’s in your best interest to keep it that way.

GILBERT
Why is that?

DAPHNE
Because he’s the only thing preventing me from going after you.

GILBERT
Why are you living here if you disapprove of me so much? A woman with your principles. It must be very painful for you to have to accept my charity.

She gets up to leave.

GILBERT
(sings)
“By the rivers of Babylon where we sat down,” Do you know that one?

DAPHNE
(sings)
“and we wept when we remembered Zion.”

GILBERT
It’s Psalm 137: “There on the poplars we hung our harps, for there our captors asked us for songs, our tormentors demanded songs of joy; they said, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” Zion?

DAPHNE
Jerusalem.

GILBERT
Yes, the Hebrews’ captured city, the birthright that was taken from them. To negro slaves in America, it was Africa. But I think everyone has a Zion somewhere buried in our memories — a home that was destroyed by enemies. What about you, Daphne? Do you remember Zion?

Daphne stares as if hypnotized.

GILBERT
When I remember Zion, I think of gay hairdressers and entertainers and, yes, some members of the cloth, and I think of how we sing for our suppers, bound by chains of prejudice. And I think of all the boys growing up who are taught to feel shame over what is natural and healthy. Do you remember how the song ends?

Daphne shakes her head.

GILBERT
(sings)
“Let the words of our mouth and the meditations of our heart be acceptable in thy sight here tonight.” They did a clever thing there: added lines from Psalm 19 and made the whole thing uplifting — transformative — but the end of Psalm 137 is: “Remember, Lord, what the Edomites did on the day Jerusalem fell. “Tear it down,” they cried, “tear it down to its foundations!” Daughter Babylon, doomed to destruction, happy is the one who repays you according to what you have done to us. Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks.”

DAPHNE
Send back the pan when you’re finished.

She leaves.

Gilbert takes another bite of cake.

______________________

Daphne – she has discovered that Roy has been picking up guys and he won’t own up to it.

DAPHNE
Well, you know the rules — just be honest about it.

ROY
I’m saving all my love for you.

DAPHNE
(sings softly)
“By the rivers of Babylon where we sat down and we wept when we remembered Zion.”

He kisses her on the forehead.

DAPHNE
I’m not in the mood.

ROY
You never are anymore.

DAPHNE
I’m not very sexual, really.

ROY
What do you mean?

DAPHNE
I’m frigid. Didn’t you realize? I don’t have orgasms. I thought you’d figured that out.

ROY
No.

DAPHNE
You know the money Mom gave us for the downpayment?

ROY
Ya.

DAPHNE
It was from a settlement. That’s how she got her hair salon. A boyfriend she had when I was five. She found him with me playing with my dolls, little cups and saucers of imaginary tea. A lovely little playtime thing, except he had my panties off, and he had his dick out. Hard.

(chuckling)
He was pretending to pour tea with it when my mom walked in.

Roy takes her hand.

DAPHNE
She was going to have him charged, but his family was rich, and … she took what they offered. And good for her. That’s how we can afford a house. But I think that’s also why I’m not very interested in sex now really.

ROY
Honey —

DAPHNE
I can enjoy it. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy it. But I can take it or leave it. If you had another outlet, I would understand. So you haven’t done anything?

ROY
Except when I picked up the couch and you know about that.

She turns over a card — The Devil.

DAPHNE
Just keep it away from the boys.

ROY
I told you I would never —

DAPHNE
You’d better not. Because if you do, I’ll kill you.

Goes back to shuffling the cards.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Andrew Kelm.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Andrew Kelm.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm is great at Subtext Pointers!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… This one was harder than I expected it to be. I had to go through the script twice to get five examples. I’d like to think that’s because there was so much subtext already written in, but … It was very helpful to get very specific with the exercise — I definitely found opportunities I would not have otherwise.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

1. Daphne moving in

• Before lines:

TERRY
We can see each other all the time now.

DAPHNE
I’m not going to be here long.

• After lines:

TERRY
We can see each other all the time now.

DAPHNE
And that’s the only thing that makes this bearable.

2. Daphne’s famous client comes in the back door

• Before lines:

DAPHNE
I worry about you climbing those stairs.

CORT
They’re fine.

DAPHNE
I don’t know why you can’t come in the front door.

CORT
Just to be safe.

DAPHNE
I’m a life coach now.

CORT
A life coach…

DAPHNE
You won’t have to be ashamed of me.

CORT
I am not ashamed! It’s just better if people don’t know.

• After lines:

DAPHNE
I worry about you climbing those stairs.

CORT
They’re fine.

DAPHNE
I’m a life coach now.

CORT
A life coach…

DAPHNE
You can come in the front door.

CORT
The stairs are fine.

3. Gilbert finds Daphne in his house

• Before lines:

DAPHNE
Did you have a nice drive?

GILBERT
What are you doing here?

DAPHNE
Housework. I cleaned the kitchen. Dusted. My goodness! It’s been a while.

GILBERT
I didn’t ask you to do that.

DAPHNE
I wanted to surprise you.

• After lines:

DAPHNE
When’s the last time anyone dusted?

GILBERT
I didn’t ask you to do that.

DAPHNE
It’s a good thing I did!

4. Christine washing her daughter’s hair

• Before lines:

DAPHNE
This feels so good.

CHRISTINE
The settlement was just as much for you as for me.

• After lines:

DAPHNE
This feels so good.

CHRISTINE
So ask me.

DAPHNE
What?

CHRISTINE
Ask me for the downpayment.

DAPHNE
Mom! We do need it, but —

CHRISTINE
Then ask me for it.

(continues washing)

It’s so unruly over here. It grows its own way.

DAPHNE
Well, could you?

CHRISTINE
Could I what?

DAPHNE
Could you help us with the downpayment?

CHRISTINE
The settlement was just as much for you as for me, and now with the rent coming in from upstairs…

5. Mom finds Daphne having breakfast with Roy

• Before lines:

DAPHNE
Coffee?

Christine stares at Roy.

ROY
Good morning.

CHRISTINE
Oh Christ!

DAPHNE
(to Christine)
Mom, be nice.

CHRISTINE
While you’re under my roof —

DAPHNE
All right, just go!

Daphne pushes her out the door.

• After lines:

DAPHNE
Mom, you remember Roy.

ROY
Good morning.

Christine is speechless.

DAPHNE
Coffee?

CHRISTINE
I wouldn’t want to intrude.

DAPHNE
All right, then, we’ll talk later.

Ushers her mother out the door.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm loves Covering Subtext!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… This is great fun. Things shake out… I’ve been pulling all the exposition out of my first scene, but thinking about subtext, I realized that I have to plant the idea that Daphne wants to move out as soon as she can because that needs to be the subtext for future scenes.

I also found that by focusing on highlighting the subtext, in some places it became clear that certain lines had to go because they got in the way.

One scene I had Daphne angry because Roy didn’t come back when he was supposed to — it is much more fun to have her pretend she doesn’t care.

I found a new scene without dialogue where Daphne tries on a shirt to see if the sleeves cover the scars on her wrists.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm loves Anticipatory Dialogue

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I was happy to discover that I have anticipatory dialogue everywhere. I added a little more here and there.

[Andrew Kelm]

Mistake

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… This is a great exercise. I think, actually, I can gravitate to banter too much – if I just start writing without an outline, that’s what tends to come out. I can forget that a scene has to have a purpose. But now going back over this script that grew out of a carefully plotted outline, it’s a great way to bury some of the stuff that’s too on the nose and bring out more character.

My introduction scene started out feeling too expository. I keep rewriting it from the angle of these different exercises, and I think considering it as banter has pushed it forward a lot. I went through the whole script considering where the banter could be more developed and made little changes throughout.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Introductory dialogue:

DAPHNE
You’ve got to get clear about want you want. That’s the hardest part. Once you’re clear, the universe will provide it.

TERRY
Is now the part where you ask me to send money?

DAPHNE
You think I’d be that obvious? If I wanted your money, you’d be handing it over without me even suggesting it. In fact, I’d protest loudly and you’d insist.

TERRY
It’s a good thing I don’t have any.

DAPHNE
There’s that too.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Dialogue Structures

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… How to get very specific about the structure of dialogue when it drives the scene.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

A. Setup / Major Twist

In the scene where Daphne meets Roy and gives him a card reading, He plays dumb the whole time then on the way out, he shows he’s been taking in everything by advising her to call herself a life coach.

B. Opposite Meanings in Dialogue

Daphne brings Gilbert a pie. He thinks it is just another attempt to suck up, but it turns out she wants him to invite her in so she can threaten him.

C. Subtext Drives The Meaning

In the first scene, a man dies in a violent accident with a power saw. In the second, we meet Daphne and her friend Terry as she moves into an apartment. At the end we find out that the man who dies in the first scene was her husband and the police suspect her of murdering him.

D. Deeper Layer Opposes Dialogue

The police detective comes to question Daphne about the client who committed suicide. On the surface, Daphne is arguing with the cop, but her star client is in the background listening. She has to be convincing that she will protect his personal information.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Elevated Dialogue

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… There are huge gains to be made by going through the script with this focus. I went through the script a few times from different characters’ points of view, and I feel like there is still more to get. This is really an important key.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

I made a lot of changes in the scene where the main character is introduced, so the opening lines of that are my example:

INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY

Boxes are being broken down — the final stage of moving in.

Hands hang a spirit catcher in the window above the sink.

DAPHNE (28) has the eyes of an old soul and an irreverent wit. She is charming and brutally honest.

DAPHNE

Once you’re clear about what you want, the universe will provide it. Getting clear is the hard part.

TERRY (36), a gay hair stylist, finishes breaking down the last box.

TERRY

What do you want, Daphne?

DAPHNE

I want to move out of the apartment above my mother’s hair salon.

TERRY

You’re not even moved in yet.

DAPHNE

And I’m not going to be here long.

TERRY

Your mom’s a good person.

DAPHNE

I know. She’s just so controlling, I can’t be an adult around her.

TERRY

She really wants the best for you.

DAPHNE

Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful. No more retail! This will give me a chance to establish my practice.

TERRY

And recover.

DAPHNE

From what? Ed was a prick. I’m glad he’s gone.

Rewrite:

INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY

Boxes are being broken down — the final stage of moving in.

Hands hang a spirit catcher in the window above the sink.

DAPHNE (28) has the eyes of an old soul and an irreverent wit. She is charming and brutally honest.

DAPHNE

You’ve got to get clear about want you want. That’s the hardest part. Once you’re clear, the universe will provide it.

TERRY (36), a gay hair stylist, finishes breaking down the last box.

TERRY

Is now the part where you ask me to send money?

DAPHNE

Don’t get used to me being here, ‘cause it ain’t going to be for long.

TERRY

Do I have to help when you move out, too?

DAPHNE

No.

TERRY

I’ll help! Damn, Girl! You need to relax.

DAPHNE

I’ll relax when I’m dead.

TERRY

Ed’s only been gone for —

DAPHNE

Ed was a prick. I’m glad he’s dead. Time to move on.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Elevated Interest

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I think there is always room for more tweaking and these interest techniques are a great set of tools.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

• Scene 2: was overwritten with exposition. I used the interest techniques to focus on making the scene more driven and moved Daphne’s concern to become more therapist and less psychic to a later scene. Now instead of it being between Daphne and Terry, it is between Daphne and Roy, the love interest, opening the opportunity to have that further the relationship. Also, I added the suggestion that Daphne would like a relationship with Terry in spite of knowing that he is gay, setting up intrigue and playing into later scenes that now require less information.
• Scene 4: trimmed down exposition and focused in on relationship between mother and daughter — hidden agenda; uncomfortable moments. Also adjusted introduction of Daphne’s mother, Christine.
• Scene 6: Inciting incident – Daphne and Roy first meeting; enhanced external dilemma and uncomfortable moment
• Scene 7: Daphne gives Roy a reading. Added character changes, surprise, suspense and mystery. Roy now makes the suggestion here that Daphne should call herself a life coach.
• Scene 8: Daphne checks in with Terry about life coach idea; added undertone of Daphne angling for relationship.
• Scene 18: 1st act turn – Christine discovers Daphne moving out. Scene has a lot of interest techniques: surprise, betrayal, mystery, external dilemma, uncomfortable moment, major twist, cliffhanger, intrigue. I worked on enhancing them.
• Scene 42: 2nd act turn – Daphne works Christine for house down payment. enhanced existing interest techniques: surprise, irony, mystery, secret hidden agenda, superior position, character changes radically.
• Scene 65: 3rd act turn – Daphne confirms that Roy has been lying to her. Enhanced betrayal, surprise, superior position, suspense.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew’s Elevated Emotion!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is… I had to do some thinking before I could even approach the actual exercise. I realized that I had lost any sense of a plotted emotional roller coaster — or had never consciously plotted it for the overall story… So I took some time to review my map first — et clear about the big emotion I wanted at the end; then the end of each act; then the scenes within the act.

This was hard for me. I’m not going to say I failed, but I was unable to just throw open the gates and brainstorm randomly for individual scenes. I feel like they have to fit an emotional rhythm that is mostly already established in order to tell the story. But I did use the prompts to try to enhance what was there and open up to some new possibilities.

I realized that the first act was about the conflict between mother and daughter, and a budding relationship with ne’er-do-well Roy, so I had to make Roy look good by the end of the first act so that the audience would be rooting for the relationship. I looked for ways to increase the mother/daughter opposition; make it more painful; escalate the conflict; add hope/fear; trust and betrayal; expectations not met; needs, values and goals violated… Actually, using all the prompts to bring out more of that conflict in the scenes where that is present.

In some places, I would just start applying the prompts and think — Yes! That’s exactly what it needs… So I didn’t get very far into the brainstorming.

Some specific changes:

• Scene 2 – added more talking about Mom to Terry
• Scene 4 – added more about Daphne’s sign; Mom’s ambivalence.
• Scene 16: confrontation between Mom, Daphne and boyfriend; had Mom insinuate that having a relationship with Daphne might be dangerous.
• Scene 18: Daphne moves out — got more emotional extremes from mother, evoking the feeling that Daphne is indeed leaving a bad situation however precarious the new one will be.

The journey with Roy needed more emotion — more no-good charmer; more understanding of why Daphne goes off with him at the end of act 1

• Scene 7 – when she reads the cards for him the first time, I added more flirtation to make people feel the thrill of a dangerous romance.
• Scene 9 – Roy comes back for a second reading; more intrigue
• Scene 32 – Confrontation between Roy and Daphne over Gilbert abusing boys. Hyped up the conflict.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew’s Dramatic Reveals!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is… I love getting really surgical about what you are going to reveal when. I think it has huge payoffs.

I have adjusted several scenes and written a couple of new ones that I really like.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Andrew Kelm.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm Loves Character Depth!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… Use every prompt to add depth and interest to story and character

Depth Tool 1: Lay out your character storylines and elevate.

• Rewrote first scene with Daphne to have her moving in over Mom’s Salon after husband’s fatal accident
• Added a scene where Daphne coaches Roy’s salesmanship
• Added a phone call from Daphne to Gilbert where he taunts her
• Added Daphne turning Gilbert in to the police at the end.

Depth Tool 2: What are they hiding from me?

• added Daphne suggesting to the police at the end to search Gilbert’s internet history

Depth Tool 3: How can this story trigger the character?

• Amped up the character of Best friend to highlight the stakes of Daphne’s triggers

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm Solved Scene Problems!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I found some unexpected ways to clarify the action by looking at everything from so many different angles. Sequence of reveals especially — I found a few pivotal places where what was being revealed was not as clear as it should be and was able to enhance them. And again — I think that because we paid so much attention to the outline, there were less problems for me to find at this stage. It was great to be working on top of a skeleton that I trust and believe in.

1. Basic scene design — This one took me a long time but was really useful! It helped me clarify beats and make sure scenes were accomplishing waht they were supposed to.

2. Challenge characters — found ways to intensify character interactions

3. Interest Techniques — I went through and identified more than one interest technique for every scene; didn’t make any changes

4. Scenes advance the story — I think all the scenes are necessary… There is part of a scene in act 1 that is kind of questionable but I do think it contributes. I shortened it though… It may be something that could ultimately be shortened more for the sake of the rhythm but I didn’t want to hack away at it too much at this point.

5. More than one purpose — I think all my scenes are operating on at least two levels… I didn’t change anything.

6. I think the exposition is integrated pretty well — I didn’t change anything

7. Reveals — genuinely the most fun part of this exercise. I went through the details of all setup/reveal chains, which really helped me understand the sequence and I think will be useful as a reference as we move forward.

• I found what I think is a great first line to set up the ending.
• Made intrigue reveals sharper in two places.

8. Cliches… I’m not good at this one. I might be too much in the mode of wanting to defend my choices… But I flagged a few places to mull over for future.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm is Cliché Busting!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I failed at this one. I can’t find any cliches to bust — and I realize that doesn’t mean they aren’t there… Two things:

• Psychic above a hair salon owned by her mother… I guess it is a little similar to in BETTER CALL SAUL, Saul has a lawyer’s office in a storage room at the back of a nail salon…? But this is used in such a different way and the arrangement is fundamental to the story… And it really doesn’t precipitate any of the same story beats. I don’t know. Is that a cliché?
• Psychic doing readings in her apartment kitchen… Similar to the psychic scene in THE MATRIX…? But a psychic has to do her readings somewhere and very often it is in her home… It is a very different kind of situation, and again it is fundamental to the story.

Anyway, I’ll get another crack at his for the next exercise — cliches are #8 on the list.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Solved Character Problems!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… My antagonist is weak. I don’t explore enough of what makes him charming to have people feel for him when he goes down. So I went through a pass for that, made some adjustments, especially at the beginning to try to make it more believable that He and Daphne are compatible.

I focused on:

B. Weak protagonist or antagonist.

• Weak antagonist — I don’t explore enough of what makes him charming to have people feel for him when he goes down.

D. Weak character intros.

• Worked on Daphne’s opening scene to hint at the darkness that will show up later… I want there to be irony and even comedy but with a serious undercurrent — the would pokes through right from the beginning.

F. Protagonist journey not strong.

• The basis of her journey is there, but I would say it is not strongly defined — it’s not impossible to misunderstand yet. So I worked on making the turns sharper, and the reveals more telling.
• First scene – work in flaw
• First beach scene – working on more story of Roy’s progression.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Structure Solutions!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… it is hard to resist tinkering but stay focused on only solving the structural problems as narrowly defined. I decided that where my structure most needed help was making sure the conflict was clear, and sharpening the turning points.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Conflict:

• Daphne has issues with men. She was abused as a child by her mother’s boyfriend, and has hooked up with abusive men as an adult. At the beginning of the script, she articulates that she wants nothing more to do with men, and wants to focus on developing her psychic card readings into a career as a more legitimate therapist. Into her life walks a new man who has sever baggage of his own, as well as becoming a projection catcher for her issues. So the levels of conflict are:

• Daphne and Roy

• Relationship vs. independence

• Daphne and her wounds from the past as they haunt her in the present

• Shifting perceptions from card reader to legitimate therapist

• Here personal life vs. her role as a mother

• An honest belief in a mystical connection with the universe and profiting through manipulations

So the scenes need to reflect these issues implicitly in the action as well as strategically expressing them explicitly at selective points in the structure.

Turning points

• Act 1: At the beginning, Daphne is a single mother living in an apartment above her mother’s hair salon. She resents her mother’s control and her two boys — from different fathers, both absent — are getting too big and rambunctious for the space. At the end of act 1, she moves out with Roy, a guy she hasn’t know for very long.

• Act 2: She moves with Roy into a caretaker’s suite at a church, where she discovers that the minister is an abuser of teenage boys, and Roy is his partner in crime.

• Midpoint – To get away, Daphne figures out how they can buy a house, leaning on her mother for the down payment; at which point it becomes clear that there is something in the mother/daughter history that facilitated a payout that makes this possible.

• Act 3: Daphne and Roy manage to build a life together by her accepting Roy’s gay encounters as long as he keeps them outside the home. The turning point comes when she catches him in a lie and realizes she is tied to him with the house, but she is never going to be able to trust him.

• Act 4: She gives the problem over to the universe to help her find a way out, which results in a sequence of events that culminates in Roy’s death.

• Resolution: Daphne has much of what she wanted at the beginning of act 1 and has been cleared of suspicion in connection with Roy’s death, but in the final moments, we realize that she may have given the universe a bit of a push, deliberately maneuvering Roy into the line of fire.

Adjustments

• Midpoint – added a couple of lines of dialogue to emphasize the meaning of the turn – the fine line between the universe helping and Daphne manipulating.

• Beginning act 4 – Added Daphne dialogue to show that she needs to get rid of Roy one way or another, and set up the question we are left with at the end — did she get Roy killed on purpose.

Beat Sheet

ACT 1: Daphne runs away with Roy

1 Daphne gives Terry a reading, laying out her vision that she wants to be taken seriously as a life coach and not meet another man

2 Daphne and Terry go down to her mother’s hair Salon below her apartment where Terry works

3 Daphne markets her services as a psychic in her mother’s salon

4 Roy, pursued by someone unseen on the street, dekes into the hair salon

5 As an excuse to stay, Roy asks Daphne to give himm a reading

6 Dgives Roy a reading that nails him

7 Daphne and Terry get clients on the beach

8 Mom complains aboout boys

9 Daphne keeps boys happy with chips

10 Daphne gives Cort, an important politician who keep his visits secret, a reading

11 Abe envisions the house he wanwts to live in

12 Roy shows up unanounced for a surprise reading

13 Christine goes upstairs to Daphne’s for a morning visit

14 Christine freaks out at finding Roy there

15 Christine, working on a client hears alley noise and goes to investigate

16 Christine finds Daphne with Roy and the boys packing to leave

ACT 2: Daphne at the manse

17 They arrive at the Manse where Roy lives in the caretaker’s apartment

18 They negotiate with Gilbert to let them stay

19 Roy bonds with Carl over yard work while Abe is standoffish

20 Roy takes leave of Daphne to go for drive with Gilbert

21 Daphne watches tehm go, suspicious

22 She goes to the manse and lets herslef in

23 She snoops around

24 Roy and Glibert pick up a hitchhiker

25 Roy waits while Gilbert seduces Hitchiker in the car

26 Daphne washes dishes at the manse, her cover story for being there

27 Daphne finds incriminating pictures of Gilbert with boys

28 Daphne acts innocent when Gilbert arrives back

29 Daphne confronts Roy about Gilbert’s proclivities

30 Gilbert interrupts Daphne reading Terry, apparently annoyed at her for the tarot cards at the church but then refers a client

31 Referral comes for a reading with Daphne and reveals himself to be mentally ill – Daphne recommends a psychiatrist

32 Daphne phones Psychiatrist to tell her to expect a call

33 Referral client commits suicide

34 A cop visits Daphne to investigate Daphne’s involvement with the suicide

35 Daphne deflects the detective’s interest

36 Daphne works Roy to buy a house so they can move away from Gilbert

37 Daphne finds the house she envisioned

38 Daphne works her mother for the downpayment

ACT 3: Family Life

39 Daphne, Roy and the kids take possession of the house

40 Daphne makes her office more professional than new agey

41 Roy helps the boys paint their rooms

42 Gilbert arrives

43 He visits Daphne in her office

44 Gilbert lures Roy away with the promise of a new couch

45 Gilbert gets Roy to drive

46 Roy distances himself from old times

47 When they arrive at the manse a hooker is waiting for them

48 Big Slick gets invited in

49 The three get into shenanigans

50 Meanwhile Daphne and the three boys are cleaning the new house and edcide to go ahead ording pizza without Roy

51 Roy comes home late at night without the couch and she accuses him

52 Cort gets a reading from Daphne at her new digs

53 Det. Campbell interrupts with more questions about the suicide

54 Daphne finishes off with cort

55 Roy makes a great sale at work

56 Roy and another salesman celebrate after at a steak house

57 Roy goes to a gay bar and hooks up with a younger guy

58 Terry reveals to Daphne that Roy was at the gay bar and picked up a guy

59 Daphne questions Roy and realizes he is lying

ACT 4: Murder

60 Carl takes Roy to his room to show him something

61 Abe follows and listens at the door

62 Carl confides in Roy that there is something wrong with his penis

63 Abe listens more closely

64 Carl shows Roy

65 Abe leaves the door when Daphne calls Ice cream

66 Abe tells Daphne what he’s heard

67 Daphne tries to get the truth from Carl before bed

68 Daphne attacks Roy, and when Roy tells the truth, she doesn’t believe him because he’s always lying

69 At the beach, Daphne flirts with Steve

70 Daphne goes home with Steve

71 Steve ties up Daphne and threatens her with a gun

72 Roy discovers Daphne’s ligature marks and goes to confront Steve.

73 Steve and Roy get into a scuffle and Steve kills Roy

74 Daphne uses Cort as an alibi and reveals that she may have intentionally set up the murder

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm Has Finished Act 4!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… Finished! I was perfectly capable of writing badly before this and writing at a pretty good pace, but this experience has helped me compartmentalize the first draft, so I did not look back; I did not get stuck. When I felt like I was writing shit, I just kept going, knowing that there will be other drafts to make it better. Also, because we worked the outline so thoroughly, I trusted it more.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm Continues Act 4

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… Another seven pages and within sight of the end; on page 85. I have a voice in my head now that says, “no, keep going,” every time I think there might be something missing or inconsistent with a previous scene. It’s very helpful, and I am feeling good about where this is going. The outline is holding up pretty well, and I love seeing stuff appear on the page I had no idea was coming.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm Started Act 4

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… Four pages today — a good effort, I think, forging into act two — on page 77 now. Slower this morning, but I’m not going to beat myself up. It was a delicate scene and I had to imagine my way through the beats. It felt right — no backtracking or wordsmithing.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm Finishing Act 3

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I finished act 3. Really feeling the benefit of letting go of quality. The final scene in the act is quite emotional and dark, so the first pass at it may be preposterous — or maybe not. I’ll see when I go back to it. But it doesn’t matter… Really getting used to this practice of slapping down the first draft is freeing. It flowed out quite spontaneously.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I did 6 pages today and I am up to page 70 with one scene to go in act 3. I am pushing myself further and further to write without censoring for this 30% first draft. Today I jumped into scenes where I have no experience with the context but just let it come out without worrying about research or … reality. And it felt good! It can change later, and I actually kind of liked what did come out — maybe some of it is OK.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm Began Act 3

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I am plowing through to catch up. 9 more pages today. I keep reminding myself to not fix anything and just keep going. I didn’t realize those voices were still there. So I guess the fact that I am noticing them more means that I am getting better.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm Completed Act 2

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I can do the speed writing for 30% quality fine. My routine has been disrupted recently so I am not getting to my usual two hours of writing time in the morning as regularly as usual. I am not using my time very well, and it is difficult to get myself to write at other times in the day. I am behind but I will keep going. The affirmations are helping. And I am finished act 2 now. Yay!

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Continuing Act 2

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I am having to work against a lot of resistance — not writer’s block; as soon as I get myself going I can be productive. It is a chaotic time in my life so I have to work harder than usual against the temptation to procrastinate. The affirmations and the high-speed approach are working for me. I am quite a bit behind now but will keep pushing forward.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Began Act 2

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… The timer doesn’t work for me. It just adds pressure.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Finished Act 1

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… Take the win. I am finished the first act – 27 pages. I think I feel more on track with the script than I have any other script I’ve written. The outline process we did for this made it easy to just keep going.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… To keep going without looking back. There is one act 1 loose end that I know has to be resolved differently but I have resisted the urge to go back and fix it, and I get the wisdom of that.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to trust the outline. I think I finally have an outline that I really believe in, so the speed writing is no big deal at all – I can do 3-5 pages a day.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s High Speed Writing Rules

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… 5 pages rolled out on command. Very helpful to keep reminding myself that we are only shooting for 30% quality.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s SCENE 1

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… to reign in my judgment on the first pass through a scene.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Outline Exchange 1

Finally ready! Please let me know if you would like to do an exchange.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… This was hard and it tool me a long time. At times this provided great insight and at other times it felt like I was trying to fit things in boxes, trying to get the exercise done. I think the best value is that it forced me to look at each scene individually, very specifically, and mine it for its relevance and entertainment value. I ended up deleting about 7 scenes and did some rearranging. Some scenes were greatly improved.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY

Daphne gives Terry — her BFF, a gay stylist who works for her mother in the hair salon below Daphne’s apartment — a tarot reading.

Beginning: (Suspense) Daphne’s reading imports a major change

Middle: (Mislead/reveal) The reading turns out to be about Daphne, who is his best friend, and predicts that she will meet a man.

Ending: (Surprise) Daphne works him to market her services

EXT. HAIR SALON – DAY

Roy steps into Daphne’s mother’s hair salon to avoid an unseen pursuer.

Beginning: (Mystery) What/who is Roy running from

Middle: (suspense) What is he going to do?

Ending: (surprise) Roy dekes into the hair salon

INT. HAIR SALON – DAY

Daphne’s mother, Christine, sees that he doesn’t belong and asks him to leave. He spots a sign advertising Daphne’s readings and claims that is why he is here as an excuse to stay.

Beginning: (uncertainty) It is very clear he does not belong there

Middle: (suspense) Christine is onto him and is not going to protect him

Ending: (superior position) Daphne invites him upstairs after we have just heard the prediction that she is going to meet a man

INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY

Daphne charms Roy into direct his criminal impulses toward being a salesman but her connection to him is thwarted by Gilbert’s arrival.

Beginning: (suspense) Daphne plays innocent and she starts reading him

Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) Daphne zeroes in on his true situation

Ending: (surprise) after predicting a religious man being a big part of Roy’s life, Gilbert pokes his ehad in the door in his clerical collar.

EXT. BEACH – DAY

Daphne works Terry’s friends for taro readings.

Beginning: (interesting setting) they are on a beach

Middle: (mislead/reveal) Daphne offers to give Terry a card reading with the intention of attracting paying customers

Ending: (superior position) Terry has been told what to ask for as suggested minimum so when an interested customer comes by, he knows what to suggest as a gift.

INT. HAIR SALON – DAY

Mom threatens to evict Daphne if she can’t control her boys making noise.

Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Daphne arrives back at the salon to find her mother pissed off because the boys have been making noise.

Middle: (external dilemma) Mother/landlord or sons

Ending: (major twist) Christine threatens to evict Daphne.

INT. DAPHNE’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Daphne has a moment with her boys where she explains to them why they have to play quietly.

INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY

Daphne does a reading for a high-profile politician who doesn’t want to be seen.

Beginning: (mystery) why is this guy entering through the back door?

Middle: (character changes radically) Daphne is a different person with this guy — more serious and businesslike

Ending: (surprise) Daphne advises him on making government decisions

INT. DAPHNE’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Daphne has a moment with her boys where she explains to them why they have to play quietly.

Beginning: (character changes radically) She enters into play with the boys

Middle: (external dilemma) Daphne brings the boys into the discussion of what to do?

Ending: (surprise) boys come up with a solution

INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY

Roy comes back with flowers after following her advice and getting a job at a car dealership and ends up spending the night.

Beginning: (surprise) Roy shows up with flowers

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Daphne is standoffish.

Ending: (major twist) Daphne and Roy become romantically involved

INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY

Mother discovers that Roy has spent the night and starts a row.

Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Christine discovers that Roy has spent the night.

Middle: (internal dilemma) Daphne struggles with who to be loyal to.

Ending: (external dilemma) Christine gives Daphne ultimatum that if she is going to see Roy she has to move out.

INT. ALLY BEHIND HAIR SALON – DAY

Daphne, Roy and the kids carry stuff down the stairs and load the car while Christine protests.

Beginning: (surprise) Christine hears noise in the alley

Middle: (uncertainty) Christine tries to get Daphne to reconsider

Ending: (External dilemma) Christine threatens to disinherit Daphne if she leaves.

INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Daphne, Roy and the kids move into Roy’s caretaker apartment at the manse.

Beginning: (more interesting setting) Daphne and the kids arrive at Roy’s caretaker apartment at the manse

Middle: (uncertainty) Gilbert discovers the new arrivals and doesn’t like it; Daphne pleads their case

Ending: (intrigue) Gilbert suddenly changes his mind when he meets the boys.

EXT. MANSE YARD – DAY

Roy goes over what yard work needs to be done with the boys.

Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Roy trying to bond with the boys

Middle: (uncertainty) Abe especially resists getting with the program.

Ending: (surprise) Carl hugs Roy and asks him if he is going to be their dad now.

EXT./INT. CAR – DAY

Gilbert takes Roy out for a drive.

Beginning: (intrigue) Gilbert gets Roy to come for a drive to discuss the new situation

Middle: (Surprise) Gilbert picks up a hitchhiker.

Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Gilbert seduces the boy; Roy refuses to get involved.

INT. MANSE – DAY

While cleaning the manse, Daphne finds polaroids of teenage boys and takes photocopies.

Beginning: (suspense) When Roy and Gilbert are gone

Middle: (mystery) Daphne snoops in Gilbert’s office and discovers polaroids of teenage boys in sexual situations

Ending: (Cliffhanger) will Daphne get caught?

INT. MANSE – DAY

Gilbert comes home to find Daphne there and she deflects any suspicion by showing him all the work she’s done.

Beginning: (superior position) Daphne comes out of the office chipper as if nothing was going on

Middle: (uncertainty) Gilbert is suspicious as Daphne remains chatty — proud of the work she has done for him.

Ending: (suspense) Gilbert pretends to be OK with the arrangement for the time being.

INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Daphne confronts Roy about her suspicions of Gilbert and gets him to spill the beans that he and Gilbert go hunting for hitchhikers together.

Beginning: (major twist) Daphne confronts Roy with the photocopies

Middle: (character change) Roy confesses to how he and Gilbert would hunt underaged boys.

Ending: (character change) Daphne lays out the rules for engagement; they can be fine as long as he keeps it outside the family, or she will kill him.

INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Gilbert finds Daphne giving Terry a reading in the new digs. After initially protesting, he end sup giving her a referral.

Beginning: (major twist) Gilbert tells Daphne she can’t read cards on church property

Middle: (intrigue) Daphne hints that she knows something about Gilbert’s involvement with young boys.

Ending: (major twist) Gilbert refers a client to her.

INT./EXT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Through the kitchen window, Daphne spies Gilbert chatting up Carl as he does yard work.

Beginning: (major twist) Daphne spies Gilbert chatting up Carl

Middle: (internal dilemma) Daphne realizes that her sons are in danger

Ending: (intrigue) Gilbert waves a smiling threat.

INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Daphne does the reading for the teen-age boy Gilbert refers but he turns out to be a full-blown schizophrenic and she tells him he needs to see a regular psychiatrist.

Beginning: (Mystery) What’s wrong with this kid?

Middle: (mislead/reveal) the kid is schizophrenic with suicidal tendencies

Ending: (character change) Daphne becomes the responsible professional and tells him to contact a psychiatrist.

EXT. BRIDGE – DAY

schizophrenic client kills himself.

Beginning: (suspense) kid goes walking on a bridge

Middle: (uncertainty) will he commit suicide or won’t he?

Ending: (mislead/reveal) he finds something that brings him joy and then quickly leaps over the side.

INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Daphne gets a visit from police detective asking about her connection to the suicide.

Beginning: (betrayal) Gilbert sics Police detective on Daphne

Middle: (uncertainty) Daphne has to argue her way out of suspicion

Ending: (cliffhanger) Detective leaves without being clear about future consequences

INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Daphne works Roy to get him to commit to the project of buying a house.

Beginning: (intrigue) Daphne reveals her plan to buy a houuse with great excitement

Middle: (uncertainty) Roy throws up blocks

Ending: (cliffhanger) Roy agrees that they can look while assuring her they won’t be able to find anything.

INT. CAR – DAY

Daphne and Roy find the house that speaks to her.

Beginning: (mislead/reveal) they have a hell of a time finding a house until suddenly they find the perfect one

Middle: (uncertainty) will they get it or not?

Ending: (Surprise) it looks like someone else has already sealed the deal but they end up getting it.

INT. HAIR SALON – DAY

Daphne works her mother to get her to get the downpayment; gets her to commit by agreeing to pay back the money if and when they sell.

Beginning: (superior position) Daphne visits her mother as if she is there to make amends.

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Christine calls her on it.

Ending: (mystery) Christine agrees on the condition she gets insurance on Roy’s life, while referring to something horrible that happened to Daphne in the past.

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – DAY

Daphne sets up an office in their new home with psychology books that she displays prominently.

Beginning: (setting) Daphne pulls out all her New Age tchotchkes to create atmosphere

Middle: (internal dilemma) She starts to question what she is doing when she starts putting her psychology books on the shelves

Ending: (surprise) Daphne makes a sudden decision to make over her office to be more professional.

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – CARL’S BEDROOM

Roy helps the boys set up their rooms. He and Carl have fun, but Abe prefers to do it on his own.

Beginning: (superior position) Roy checks on the boys painting their rooms

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Abe rejects Roys offer of help

Ending: (major twist) Carl flirtatious asks Roy to help him.

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Gilbert pays a visit offering furniture from the manse

Beginning: (surprise) Gilbert comes to visit

Middle: (intrigue) He offers furniture from the manse

Ending: (external dilemma) Daphne has to let Roy go with Gilbert to get the couch even though she knows it will lead to trouble.

INT. CAR – DAY

Roy goes with Gilbert to pick up furniture, but Gilbert has a surprise. In a parking lot, one of their old tricks is waiting for them.

Beginning: (intrigue) As prearranged, Gilbert picks up an old trick along the way

Middle: (internal dilemma) Gilbert is pushing for a threesome

Ending: (betrayal) Roy gets involved in the threesome

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – MASTER BEDROOM – NIGHT

Amid suspicions, confessions and revelations, Daphne and Roy define their commitment to each other as an open relationship based on supporting the family.

Beginning: (superior position) Roy is affectionate but Daphne is cold.

Middle: (betrayal) Daphne traps Roy in his lies about what he did with Gilbert while getting the sofa

Ending: (major twist) Daphne lays out the rules.

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – DAY

Daphne gives a reading to Trent, her politician client from scene 1. They are interrupted by a visit from Detective. She sends him upstairs to hide.

Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Daphne puts Roy on the spot about not wanting to be seen with her

Middle: (uncertainty) Roy is caught and appears to go along with Daphne’s new image

Ending: (Major twist) Detective appears, causing Trent to retreat upstairs

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Detective asks more questions about the suicide; asks questions about her license, which she deftly swats away.

Beginning: (mislead/reveal) Detective informs Daphne that she is in the clear for the suicide, her psychiatrist’s reference checks out

Middle: (Intrigue) detective asks questions about her license anyway

Ending: (suspense) he leaves hinting that she is still being watched

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – DAY

When the detective is gone, She makes a case for herself to Trent as a respectable therapist and works his guilt so he will declare his loyalty.

Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Daphne scrambles to make light of the Detective

Middle: (uncertainty) Trent is rattled and Daphne has to work hard to get back his trust.

Ending: (major twist) Daphne comes up with something in her read of Trent that seals his loyalty again.

INT. CAR DEALERSHIP – DAY

Roy makes a great sale at work.

Beginning: (mislead reveal) a salesman complains to Roy that he has a customer who is wasting time. Roy asks to take him on.

Middle: (uncertainty) Roy takes on the customer

Ending: (surprise) Roy sells the guy and expensive car.

EXT. BAR – NIGHT

Roy celebrates after work with drinks with co-workers.

Beginning: (setting) Roy coming out of a bar after celebrating his sale with a co-worker.

Middle: (suspense) they walk in different directions, Roy apparently aimless

Ending: (surprise) Roy stops in front of a gay bar.

INT. GAY BAR – NIGHT

Roy goes off to a gay bar by himself and meets a young man.

Beginning: (uncertainty) Roy has a drink at the bar

Middle: (internal dilemma) eye contact with a younger guy

Ending: (betrayal) Roy ends up making out with the guy.

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – CLOSET – DAY

Daphne finds cocaine in Roy’s jacket pocket.

Beginning: (superior position) Daphne watches Roy leave for work, sensing that something is up

Middle: (intrigue) Daphne searches Roy’s closet for clues

Ending: (mystery) She finds cocaine in his jacket pocket.

EXT. BEACH – DAY

Daphne finds out from Terry that he has seen Roy at a gay club.

Beginning: (superior position) Terry doesn’t know how to tell Daphne about seeing Roy at the gay club

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) He tells her

Ending: (Character changes radically) Daphne brushes it off as Roy socializing with old friends.

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

When Daphne confronts Roy and he confesses to having a new gay lover, they reiterate their commitment and she warns him she will kill him if he ever puts a hand on one of her sons.

Beginning: (suspense) Daphne waits for Roy in the dark

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Daphne forces him to tell her where he has been.

Ending: (character changes radically) Daphne accepts the fact of Roy’s new lover, but threatens to kill Roy if he ever goes after her sons

EXT. BEACH – DAY

Daphne meets Steve at the beach with Terry, and they have a deep dark psychic connection. Terry warns her that Steve is bad news.

Beginning: (internal dilemma) Daphne confides in her BFF about Roy

Middle: (major twist) Terry’s friend Steve comes over and thhey click

Ending: (intrigue) Terry warns Daphne that Steve is bad news

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – CARL’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Carl approaches Roy in his bedroom, flirtatious, saying he thinks there is something wrong with his penis and would Roy take a look? Roy is resolute in his promise not to involve the boys and doesn’t know what to do. They are seen by Daphne’s other son Abe.

Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Carl flirts with Roy

Middle: (internal dilemma) Carl wants Roy to look at his penis because he says he thinks something is wrong with it.

Ending: (misinterpretation) Carl closes the door while Abe listens outside.

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Abe tells Daphne what he has observed.

Beginning: (betrayal) Abe tells Daphne that Carl and Roy have been fooling around

Middle: (uncertainty) Daphne grills Abe and he continues to incriminate Roy

Ending: (uncomfortable moment) Daphne grills Carl and he denied anything happened.

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Daphne waits up for Roy and questions him about Carl it ends up inconclusive and they fight

Beginning: (mislead / reveal) Daphne works up to an interrogation sideways

Middle: (Character changes radically) Daphne goes for the jugular

Ending: (character changes radically) Roy becomes penitent.

EXT. BEACH – DAY

Daphne sees Steve again and this time agrees to go home with him,

Beginning: (intrigue) Daphne asks Terry about Steve

Middle: (suspense) Steve shows up

Ending: (surprise) Daphne goes home with Steve

INT. STEVE’S APARTMENT – DAY

They have rough sex, with Daphne egging Steve on deeper and deeper into the dark recesses of his psyche till eventually he has her tied to a chair naked with a gun to her head.

Beginning: (intrigue) instruments of torture in Steve’s apartment

Middle: (external dilemma) Daphne decides whether or not to go with having sex

Ending: (major twist) Daphne ends up in trouble, with Steve threatening Daphne with a gun while she is tied up

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Roy finds the ligature marks on Daphne’s wrists and storms off to confront Steve, just as Trent conveniently arrives for a reading — in time to hear Daphne begging him not to go.

Beginning: (mislead/reveal) Daphne fretting about the time — Trent is about to arrive

Middle: (intrigue) When the time is right, Dahpne reveals her ligature marks and Roy demands an explanaiton

Ending: (cliffhanger) Trent arrives as Roy is leaving, angry, while Daphne begs him not to go.

INT. STEVE’S APARTMENT – DAY

Roy confronts Steve; Roy gets killed and boyfriend is arrested.

Beginning: (Character changes radically) Roy bursts in on Steve threatening

Middle: (uncertainty) Steve gets his gun

Ending: (surprise) Steve kills Roy.

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – KITCHEN – DAY

In conversation, Terry notes that Daphne now has everything she said she wanted and isn’t it fortunate the sequence of events. She responds that she has a guardian angel -someone looking out for her. It’s always been the case -if someone’s mean to her they always pay and she doesn’t have to do anything. Then she distracts him by talking about him.

Beginning: (major twist) Terry is helping in the kitchen when the detective knocks on the door.

Middle: (Betrayal) Daphne has to refer him to Trent for her alibi.

Ending: (mislead/reveal) Daphne tells Terry she didn’t know about the gun.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Scene Requirements

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to get very specific aobut planning the scene requirements. Great exercise! But hard. It took me a long time. I was getting faster as I went along.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY

Daphne gives Terry — her BFF, a gay stylist who works for her mother in the hair salon below Daphne’s apartment — a tarot reading.

Scene Arc: Daphne goes from talking about Terry’s future to getting specific about her vision of her own future as a respected independent therapist.

Essence: Daphne gives a reading to a friend

Conflict: practicality vs. Romance

Subtext: loneliness

Hope/fear: realizing dreams / failure

EXT. HAIR SALON – DAY

Roy steps into Daphne’s mother’s hair salon to avoid an unseen pursuer.

Scene arc: Roy is being pursued and finds safety in the hair salon

Essence: Roy escaping his pursuers

Conflict: unseen pursuer wants to catch Roy

Subtext: Roy has done something wrong

Hope/fear: escape / caught

INT. HAIR SALON – DAY

Roy requests a reading with Daphne as an excuse to stay.

Scene arc: Daphne’s mother, Christine, tries to get Roy out of the shop but Daphne agrees to give him a reading.

Essence: Roy and Daphne first meeting

Conflict: Christine thinks Roy is bad news and Daphne likes him.

Subtext: Roy and Daphne are attracted to each other.

Hope/fear: Roy and Daphne get together / Christine will ruin it.

INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY

Daphne charms Roy into direct his criminal impulses toward being a salesman but her connection to him is thwarted by Gilbert’s arrival.

Scene arc: Roy and Daphne hit it off but are pulled apart by Gilbert

Essence: Daphne and Roy like each other.

Conflict: Possible romance vs. Roy’s involvement with Gilbert

Subtext: Daphne is entering into another abusive relationship.

Hope/fear: this is a budding romance / Roy is bad news.

EXT. BEACH – DAY

Daphne works Terry’s friends for taro readings.

Scene arc: Daphne and Terry fantasize about lunch in an expensive restaurant and end up with the money to pay for it.

Essence: Daphne makes lunch money

Conflict: pure motives vs. Making a buck

Subtext: Daphne manipulates people to get what she wants.

Hope/fear: success / failure

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Daphne and Terry spend the take on a meal.

Scene arc:

Essence:

Conflict:

Subtext:

Hope/fear:

INT. HAIR SALON – DAY

Mom threatens to evict Daphne if she can’t control her boys making noise.

Scene arc: Daphne arrives back home happy to get in an argument with he mother who threatens to make her move out.

Essence: Daphne fights with Christine over the boys making noise.

Conflict: Boys’ noise vs. Hair salon business

Subtext: ongoing trouble between Daphne and Christine

Hope/fear: patch things up / Daphne will get thrown out

INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY

Daphne does a reading for a high-profile politician who doesn’t want to be seen.

Scene arc: Daphne lets a mysterious client in through her back door and he turns out to be a high-profile politician

Essence: Daphne has important clients

Conflict: Trent is ashamed of seeing Daphne but relies on her.

Subtext: Daphne stands up for herself

Hope/fear: Daphne gets respect / he will disrespect her

INT. DAPHNE’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Daphne has a moment with her boys where she explains to them why they have to play quietly.

Scene arc: boys start off out of control and are made to realize the seriousness of needing to behave

Essence: Daphne teaches her boys how to behave.

Conflict: boys have tons of energy and want to rough-house

Subtext: Grandma could evict us

Hope/fear: she will be able to convince them / they will not pay attention

INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY

Roy comes back with flowers after following her advice and getting a job at a car dealership and ends up spending the night.

Scene arc: Roy gets another reading to seduction

Essence: Roy and Daphne consummate their romance

Conflict: professional relationship / romance

Subtext: Daphne and Roy are attracted to each other

Hope/fear: They will get together / they won’t

INT. DAPHNE’S KITCHEN – DAY

Mother discovers that Roy has spent the night and starts a row.

Scene arc: mother finds Roy in the apartment in the early morning and turns it into a big fight.

Essence: Mom objects to Roy

Conflict: Mom and Roy

Subtext: the war between Mom and daughter has reached the boiling point

Hope/fear: Daphne will get kicked out / Christine will win

INT. ALLY BEHIND HAIR SALON – DAY

Daphne, Roy and the kids carry stuff down the stairs and load the car while Christine protests.

Scene arc: Christine tries to stop them from leaving and then curses them when they refuse.

Essence: Daphne breaks from Mom

Conflict: Mom’s protection vs. Need for independence

Subtext: The secret Daphne’s abuse at teh hands of her mother’s boyfriend

Hope/fear: Daphne gets away / she’s heading for something worse.

INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Daphne, Roy and the kids move into Roy’s caretaker apartment at the manse.

Scene arc: starts out with them being trepidations but Daphne turns it into an adventure

Essence: They are adapting as they need to survive.

Conflict: They do not have Gilbert’s blessing

Subtext: They are one step away from living in the car

Hope/fear: it works out / homelessness

INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

When Gilbert discovers the new tenants, Daphne pleads her case that they will be an asset — she can do housework and the boys can help Roy with yard work.

Scene arc: Gilbert objects to Daphne being there but she wins him over.

Essence: Daphne gets her way

Conflict: Gilbert vs. Daphne

Subtext: Gilbert has their life in his hands

Hope/fear: he will let them stay / it may be out of the frying pan into the fire.

EXT. MANSE YARD – DAY

Roy goes over what yard work needs to be done with the boys.

Scene arc: Roy’s first interaction with Daphne’s boys leads to him charming one and leaving the other an outsider.

Essence: Roy assigning chores to his new charges

Conflict: Roy winning over Daphne’s boys to their new life

Subtext: Roy bonds with Carl and creates enmity with Abe

Hope/fear: Roy will win them over / Roy will abuse them

EXT. CAR – DAY

Gilbert takes Roy out for a drive.

Scene arc: Gilbert tries to draw Roy into their old philandering ways and mostly fails

Essence: Gilbert takes Roy for a drive looking for hitchhikers to seduce

Conflict: Roys old habits vs. His new responsibilities

Subtext: battle for Roy’s loyalty — Gilbert or Daphne

Hope/fear: Roy resists Gilbert’s manipulations / he won’t

INT. CAR – DAY

Gilbert insists they pick up a hitchhiker but Roy refuses to participate.

Scene arc: They pick up a hitchhiker; Gilbert seduces him and Roy refuses to participate

Essence: Gilbert tries to pull Roy into their old routine of seducing teenage boys and fails

Conflict: Roy’s new allegiance with Daphne and his old habits

Subtext: Roy is committed to Daphne

Hope/fear: Roy resists / Roy will get drawn in

INT. MANSE – DAY

While cleaning the manse, Daphne finds polaroids of teenage boys and takes photocopies.

Scene arc: Daphne cleans and ends up with photocopies of incriminating evidence against Gilbert

Essence: Daphne cleans manse and finds incriminating evidence against Gilbert.

Conflict: Daphne vs. Gilbert’ perverse habits

Subtext: Gilbert is into some incriminating stuff

Hope/fear: she doesn’t get caught / she does

INT. MANSE – DAY

Gilbert comes home to find Daphne there and she deflects any suspicion by showing him all the work she’s done.

Scene arc: Daphne discovered to evades suspicion.

Essence: Daphne gets away with proof of Gilbert’s crimes

Conflict: trust

Subtext: Gilbert is guilty and wants to know if she knows.

Hope/fear: she will get away clean / he will find out she has been snooping

INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Daphne confronts Roy about her suspicions of Gilbert and gets him to spill the beans that he and Gilbert go hunting for hitchhikers together. But Roy swears up and down that he would never do anything with her boys and all that is in the past. He is devoted to her and the family.

Scene arc: from Roy acting innocent to Daphne getting a confession from him.

Essence: Daphne is interrogating Roy

Conflict: If Daphne knows the truth their relationship will change.

Subtext: How good a liar is Roy

Hope/fear: there is a way to resolve the test to their relationship / there may not be

INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Gilbert finds Daphne giving Terry a reading in the new digs. After initially protesting, he end sup giving her a referal.

Scene arc: Gilbert threatens her over the cards to he provides her with a client.

Essence: Gilbert uses the cards as a way to threaten Daphne

Conflict: Who has more control over Roy

Subtext: Gilbert wants her out and is planning a sabotage.

Hope/fear: Daphne will stay on top of the power struggle / she own’t

INT./EXT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Through the kitchen window, Daphne spies Gilbert chatting up Carl as he does yard work.

Scene arc: Daphne feels happily established in her new home to feeling under threat.

Essence: Daphne discovers Gilbert flirting with her boy.

Conflict: Daphne needs her place to live / protecting her son.

Subtext: Carl is in danger from Gilbert.

Hope/fear: Carl is safe / Gilbert will get him.

INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Daphne does the reading for the teen-age boy Gilbert refers but he turns out to be a full-blown schizophrenic and she tells him he needs to see a regular psychiatrist.

Scene arc: Troubled lad comes for a reading and reveals that his problems run way deeper than she can handle.

Essence: Daphne is over her head

Conflict: how to help this kid

Subtext: this is poison; Gilbert has sabotaged her

Hope/fear: she helps the kid / he will somehow wreck everything

EXT. BRIDGE – DAY

schizophrenic client kills himself.

Scene arc: client kills himself.

Essence: client kills himself

Conflict: pull towards death or life.

Subtext: This reflects on Daphne

Hope/fear: he won’t do it / he will

INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Daphne gets a visit from police detective asking about her connection to the suicide.

Scene arc: Cop comes to Daphne investigating boy’s suicide, and she manages to hold him at bay

Essence: Daphne holds off suspicion

Conflict: Daphne has to convince the detective that the boy’s suicide is not her fault

Subtext: Daphne is in a grey area where she is very vulnerable.

Hope/fear: she will avoid suspicion / she will not

INT. MANSE – DAY

Daphne confronts Gilbert about the client he referred to her. He tells Daphne she has to move out because of the attention she is attracting.

Scene arc: Daphne asks why Gilbert sicked the cops on her and Gilbert asks her to move out.

Essence: power struggle between Daphne and Gilbert

Conflict: Glibert wants her out

Subtext: Daphne has something on Gilbert; Gilbert sees her as a threat

Hope/fear: Daphne wins / she losesScene arc:

INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Daphne works Roy to get him to commit to the project of buying a house.

Scene arc: discussion of house buying evolves into strategy for how to sell cars.

Essence: Daphne convinces Roy to commit to the project of buying a house.

Conflict: They need to move out and they don’t know what to do.

Subtext: Roy’s self esteem does not allow him to believe that he can own a house.

Hope/fear: Daphne will be able to convince him / he will not be convinced.

INT. HAIR SALON – DAY

Daphne works her mother to get her to contribute to the downpayment; gets her to commit by agreeing to pay back the money if and when they sell.

Scene arc: Daphne visits her mother to get money and ends up re-bonding with her

Essence: Daphne works her mother for a downpayment

Conflict: mother/daughter control

Subtext: history of abuse and what mother feels she owes her daughter because of it.

Hope/fear: she will get the money / she won’t

INT. CARETAKER’S APARTMENT – DAY

At a dinner Daphne makes for Gilbert, she works him for a contribution to the downpayment and the terms of insurance on Roy’s life.

Essence: Daphne works Gilbert for part of the downpayment.

Conflict: Gilbert wants to force Daphne out and she wants Gilbert to help her move out with Roy.

Subtext: Daphne works Gilbert for money

Hope/fear: Daphne and Roy get money / Gilbert upsets the appllecart.

INT. CAR – DAY

Daphne and Roy find the house that speaks to her.

Scene arc: Roy and Daphne go from being discouraged about not finding a house to finding the perfect house

Essence: Daphne finds the perfect house

Conflict: difficulty of finding an appropriate spot

Subtext: Daphne gets what she wants because the universe supports her

Hope/fear: they will find a house / they won’t

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – DAY

Daphne sets up an office in their new home with psychology books that she displays prominently.

Scene arc: Daphne starts decorating her office misty tinkle woohoo and then switches to professional therapist.

Essence: Daphne sets up her new office to reflect her new image as professional therapist

Conflict: old vs, new

Subtext: Daphne is changing; becoming more confident and professional

Hope/fear: she will make it work / she will lose herself in superficial concerns.

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – CARL’S BEDROOM

Roy helps the boys set up their rooms. He and Carl have fun, but Abe prefers to do it on his own.

Scene arc: Roy tries to gain their trust and succeeds with one of them.

Essence: Roy tries to bond with the boys

Conflict: Winning over Abe

Subtext: Roy is a sexual predator

Hope/fear: roy will transform into a good father / he will abuse them

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Gilbert pays a visit offering furniture from the manse

Scene arc: Gilbert arrives with offer of furniture and takes Roy away

Essence: Gilbert lures Roy away from the family

Conflict: help the family move in vs. sorely needed furniture

Subtext: Gilbert is hanging on to his connection to Roy

Hope/fear: Roy resists Gilbert’s power / he falls in with his old ways

INT. CAR – DAY

Roy goes with Gilbert to pick up furniture, but Gilbert has a surprise. I a parking lot, one of their old tricks is waiting for them.

Scene arc: errand to pick up couch turns into pickup

Essence: Gilbert involves Roy in a pickup

Conflict: a bit of fun vs. Loyalty to Roy’s new arrangement with Daphne

Subtext: Gilbert gets Roy to cheat on Daphne

Hope/fear: Roy resists / he doesn’t

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – MASTER BEDROOM – NIGHT

Amid suspicions, confessions and revelations, Daphne and Roy define their commitment to each other as an open relationship based on supporting the family.

Scene arc: Daphne disinterested in sex leads to confession from roy

Essence: Roy comes back too Daphne begging for forgiveness

Conflict: Roy’s cover vs. the truth.

Subtext: Roy has betrayed their relationship – not to the letter of their contract, but on a level of trust.

Hope/fear: it will somehow work out / it will destroy their relationship.

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – DAY

Daphne gives a reading to Trent, her politician client from scene 1. They are interrupted by a visit from Detective. She sends him upstairs to hide.

Scene arc: Daphne works at gaining Trent’s trust

Essence: Trent becomes embroiled in Daphne’s drama

Conflict: Trent’s need to stay under the radar vs. Daphne’s police interest

Subtext: Trent is ashamed of going to Daphne

Hope/fear: Trent is not discovered / he is

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Detective asks more questions about the suicide; asks questions about her license, which she deftly swats away.

Scene arc: Detective thinks he has Daphne nailed but she works her way out of it.

Essence: Detective is trying to get Daphne but

Conflict: Did Daphne do anything illegal that she can be prosecuted for?

Subtext: they are arch rivals

Hope/fear: Daphne manages to deflect / she will be prosecuted

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – DAY

When the detective is gone, She makes a case for herself to Trent as a respectable therapist and works his guilt so he will declare his loyalty.

Scene arc: Trant expresses his reluctance to be involved with Daphne

Essence: Daphne convinces Trent he is safe

Conflict: Trent’s need for discretion vs. Interest of the detective

Subtext: Trent wants to sever ties

Hope/fear: Daphne is able to win him over / he abandons her.

INT. CAR DEALERSHIP – DAY

Roy makes a great sale at work.

Scene arc: Roy takes on an unlikely customer and is able to sell him and expensive car.

Essence: Roy makes a great sale at work

Conflict: ethics of selling a car to someone who can’t afford it. He has to make a sale to win a prize or something.

Subtext: Roy will happily rob people to make a sale

Hope/fear: he makes the sale / he doesn’t

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Roy celebrates after work with drinks with co-workers.

Scene arc: celebration after work turns into all nighter

Essence: Roy gets drunk

Conflict: new Roy vs. Old Roy

Subtext: Roy is reaching a low point of resolve

Hope/fear: Roy stays on the straight and narrow / He falls

INT. GAY BAR – NIGHT

Roy goes off to a gay bar by himself and meets a young man.

Scene arc: Roy goes to a gay bar instead of going home and ends up with a trick

Essence: Roy finds a boyfriend

Conflict: duty vs. Desire

Subtext: Roy is restless in his situation iwth Daphne

Hope/fear: he resists temptation / he won’t

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – CLOSET – NIGHT

Daphne finds cocaine in Roy’s jacket pocket.

Scene arc: Daphne suspicious of where Roy is, searches his clothes and finds cocaine

Essence: Daphne finds cocaine in Roy’s jacket pocket.

Conflict: Daphne is unsure whether she can trust Roy

Subtext: Daphne knows something is going on with Roy

Hope/fear: she will figure out what is going on / she will find out

EXT. BEACH – DAY

Daphne finds out from Terry that he has seen Roy at a gay club.

Scene arc: a fun afternoon with Terry becomes learning bad news

Essence: Terry tells Daphne he has seen Roy at a gay bar.

Conflict: does she already know? Is this a betrayal?

Subtext: She brushes it off but is actually concerned

Hope/fear: she figures it out / it could destroy her

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

When Daphne confronts Roy and he confesses to having a new gay lover, they reiterate their commitment and she warns him she will kill him if he ever puts a hand on one of her sons.

Scene arc: Feigned innocence on both sides is a trap Daphne sets for Roy

Essence: Daphne traps Roy in his lies

Conflict: truth vs. Lie

Subtext: Daphne knows and pretends she doesn’t

Hope/fear: Daphne will find out waht Roy’s been up to / what will she do?

Act 4: double indemnity

EXT. BEACH – DAY

Daphne meets Steve at the beach with Terry, and they have a deep dark psychic connection. Terry warns her that Steve is bad news.

Scene arc: Daphne meets someone and flirts with him.

Essence: Daphne finds chemistry with someone else besides Roy

Conflict: sexual adventure vs. Danger

Subtext:

Hope/fear: she finds someone besides Roy / same

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – CARL’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Carl approaches Roy in his bedroom, flirtatious, saying he thinks there is something wrong with his penis and would Roy take a look? Roy is resolute in his promise not to involve the boys and doesn’t know what to do. They are seen by Daphne’s other son Abe.

Scene arc: Carl tries to draw Roy into sex and the outcome is not clear

Essence: Carl flirts with Roy

Conflict: desire vs. Good sense

Subtext: Carl is inviting sex with Roy

Hope/fear: Roy resists / he won’t

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Abe tells Daphne what he has observed.

Scene arc: Daphne is calm and happy leads to having her world overturned.

Essence: Abe tells on Roy and Carl

Conflict: should Daphne believe Abe or not

Subtext: Daphne does not trust Roy

Hope/fear: Daphne has to do something / what can she do that won’t make things worse?

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – DAY

Daphne questions Carl

Scene arc: Daphne questions Carl about Roy and gets an inconclusive answer.

Essence: Daphne Questions Carl about sex with Roy

Conflict: Mom vs. Son pushing for independence

Subtext: is Carl telling the truth

Hope/fear: nothing happened between Carl and Roy / it did.

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Daphne waits up for Roy and questions him about Carl it ends up inconclusive and they fight

Scene arc: Daphne questions Roy and they end up fighting

Essence: Daphne questions Roy about Carl

Conflict: Daphne wants the truth

Subtext: She doesn’t trust him

Hope/fear: Daphne will find out the truth / she won’t

EXT. BEACH – DAY

Daphne sees Steve again and this time agrees to go home with him,

Scene arc: Daphne meets up with Steve at the beach again and this time goes home with him

Essence: Daphne goes home with Steve

Conflict: should she? Shouldn’t she

Subtext: she is using Steve to set up Roy

Hope/fear: she will be safe / she is in over her head

INT. STEVE’S APARTMENT – DAY

They have rough sex, with Daphne egging Steve on deeper and deeper into the dark recesses of his psyche till eventually he has her tied to a chair naked with a gun to her head.

Scene arc: They have rough sex and just when it seems like it might get totally out of control, Daphne difuses the situation and goes home.

Essence: Daphne has rough sex with Steve

Conflict: How far does each of them want to go? Power game

Subtext: she is setting up Roy

Hope/fear: She will stay in control / she will get hurt

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Roy finds the ligature marks on Daphne’s wrists and storms off to confront Steve, just as Trent conveniently arrives for a reading — in time to hear Daphne begging him not to go.

Trent arrives for a reading just in time to hear Daphne begging Roy not to go to Steve’s, it is dangerous, as he storms out the door and drives off in his car.

Scene arc: Roy discovers the ligature marks and Roy storms off to confront Steve.

Essence: Steve finds out how Steve have hurt her and takes action to defend her.

Conflict: Roy goes to the rescue or not

Subtext: Daphne is manipulating Roy into confronting Steve

Hope/fear: Roy doesn’t overreact / this escalates

INT. STEVE’S APARTMENT – DAY

Roy confronts Steve; Roy gets killed and boyfriend is arrested.

Scene arc: Roy goes to confront Steve about his tryst with Daphne and ends up getting killed.

Essence: Roy gets killed defending Daphne

Conflict: treating Daphne well

Subtext: who doe she like better?

Hope/fear: it ends well / doesn’t get violent

INT. CHURCH – DAY

Gilbert leads the funeral and drops hints that Daphne was the problem if not implicated in the death.

Scene arc: Gilbert leads the funeral and drops hints that Daphne is to blame

Essence: Gilbert drops hints at the funeral that Daphne is to blame

Conflict: Gilbert and Daphne over Roy

Subtext: Gilbert is out to get Daphne

Hope/fear: he is ineffective / he will cause trouble for Daphne

INT. MANSE – DAY

After the funeral Daphne makes it clear to Gilbert that if she is under suspicion, she will drag Gilbert down with her.

Scene arc: Daphne confronts Gilbert and makes it clear to him that she has power over him

Essence: Daphne threatens Gilbert to make him back off any accusations of Daphne

Conflict: Gilbert is trying to incriminate her

Subtext: Daphne has the goods on him

Hope/fear: Daphne comes out on top / she won’t

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Same Police detective as before visits Daphne suspicious of her involvement in Roy’s death.

Scene arc: Questions point to Detective suspecting Daphne has a hand in it.

Essence: Daphne is a person of interest in the death of Roy

Conflict: Detective thinks she’s guilty vs. Daphne’s innocence

Subtext: Daphne’s in trouble

Hope/fear: Daphne manages to deflect suspicion / she will get charged

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – HOME OFFICE – DAY

Daphne contacts Trent and tells him he has to contact the detective.

Scene arc: Daphnephnes Trent and succeeds in getting him to support her innocence iwth the cop

Essence: daphne wins over Trent

Conflict: Daphne needs an alibi vs. Trent needs anonymity

Subtext: Dapahne is strong-arming Trent

Hope/fear: Trent will help / he won’t

INT. ROY AND DAPHNE’S – KITCHEN – DAY

Resolution: Terry brings over a casserole as Detective comes back for a final visit to tell Daphne, grudgingly, that she is in the clear.

Scene arc: Detective interrupts reading to inform Daphne she is in the clear; after he’s gone, Terry asks her if she told Roy that Steve had a gun. She answers how would she know?

Essence: As Daphne becomes officially in the clear, he conversation with Terry implicates her.

Conflict: Daphne’s guilt or innocence.

Subtext: she’s guilty

Hope/fear: she gets off / what else she could do

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Intriguing Moments

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… How to frame what happens in the script as intrigue. Without labeling it, it could slip by without providing the benefits.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Intriguing Moments:

ACT 1:

• Mystery — what is the abuse in Daphne’s past?
• Mystery – What is the contract between mother and daughter about? Mother doesn’t want her there and Daphne clearly would rather not be there. Financial, but there’s more…
• Mystery – when Roy first appears he his running from something
• Intrigue – Roy decides to get a tarot reading for some other reason than he wants his fortune told
• Mystery – man with a clerical collar steps in to get Roy — what is their connection?
• Scheme – Daphne works Terry’s friends for readings at the beach
• Mystery – Man comes for a reading in secret. Who is he and what does he want?
• Covert Agenda — Daphne uses Roy to get out of the apartment above her mother’s store

ACT 2:

• Secret — Roy and Gilbert regularly seduce underaged hitchhikers
• Covert Agenda — Gilbert is interested in Daphne’s boys
• Conspiracy – Gilbert tries to bring Roy into a plan to seduce the boys. Roy refuses.
• Scheme – Gilbert sends a bad client to Daphne to hurt her reputation, and use as an excuse to get rid of her.
• Scheme – Daphne works her mother to get the down payment for their house.
• Scheme – Daphne takes out an insurance policy on Roy’s life for the mortgage of the house

ACT 3:

• Covert Agenda – Daphne dresses up her new office to make herself look more legitimate
• Scheme – Gilbert tempts Roy back into their old ways picking up hitchhikers
• Secret – Daphne discloses the truth of her past abuse to Roy
• Covert Agenda — Detective tries to find evidence of Daphne behaving improperly as a therapist
• Scheme – Daphne grooms he politician client to stick up for her.
• Secret – Roy gets a boyfriend

ACT 4:

• Covert agenda: Abe tells his mom about suspicious behaviour between his brother and Roy to incriminate Roy
• Scheme: Daphne uses new relationship with Steve to get rid of Roy and Steve
• Scheme: Daphne engineers it so that Trent has to provide an alibi for her to the police.
• Scheme: Gilbert tries to incriminate Daphne in Roy’s death
• Cover up: Daphne lets Gilbert know that she can ruin him by exposing his activities with teenaged boys

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Emotional Moments

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to plot the emotional rollercoaster

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Emotional Moments:

ACT 1:

• EXCITEMENT: Roy is running from something unseen; need to show his panic before he decides to go into the salon
• LOVE: Daphne and Roy fall for each other – set up by Daphne declaring that she will never fall in love with another man
• DELIGHT: Daphne gives Roy a reading and reframes his criminality into an asset he can use as a salesman
• CREEPY: Gilbert appears – lugubrious man in a clerical collar arrives to get Roy
• BETRAYAL: Mom goes after Daphne over boys’ noise; play on depths of yet unrevealed wounds.
• COURAGE: Daphne gives her star client a reading and sticks up for herself as a valid therapist. She sticks up for herself and sets this up as a major motivator for her, and away to guilt manipulate Trent.
• SUCCESS/WINNING: Daphne moves out with Roy… There can be just a hint of a question whether Daphne is doing this out of love or for her own interests.

ACT 2:

• DISGUST: Gilbert seduces a hitchhiker
• DISTRESS: Gilbert chats up Daphne’s son, Carl
• DISTRESS/BETRAYAL: The client Gilbert refers to Daphne commits suicide. This depends on a chain of cause and effect
• SUCCESS/WINNING: Daphne and R buy a house together. She pulls out all the stops to manipulate her mother into giving her a down payment. And she gets her family away from Gilbert… Set up by the mother being impressed by Gilbert’s clerical collar and then Daphne spills that he is a pedophile. Mom is onto her from the start — “what do you want?”

ACT 3:

• BETRAYAL: Gilbert drags Roy into seducing a hitchhiker with him
• SUCCESS/WINNING: Roy makes a great sale at work
• BETRAYAL: Roy finds a new boyfriend. This needs to be set up with Daphne starting to push him away sexually
• MORAL ISSUE: Daphne confronts Roy over new boyfriend and they come to an agreement.

ACT 4:

• MORAL ISSUE: Carl tries to seduce Roy in the bedroom
• WOUND: Daphne is sexually abused by Steve
• SACRIFICE: Roy confronts Steve to defend Daphne and is killed
• MIXED EMOTIONS: Daphne may have planned all this because she ends up getting everything she said she wanted in the beginning. To make this work, I have to seed in lots about her wound, her vision for her future, her belief that she has a spirit guide and evidence of her ruthlessness to get what she wants

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Reveals!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to get specific and strategize how to get the most out of reveals.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

ACT 1: DAPHNE RUNS OFF WITH ROY

• Opening: Daphne gives Terry -her BFF, a gay stylist who works for her mother -a reading that includes freely dipping into her own history and she tells him about her abusive relationships and how she never wants another man in her life; she wants independent success and to be taken seriously as a therapist.
• Daphne comes down into her mother’s hair salon after the reading. Terry chats up Daphne’s skills as a reader. Daphne protests that she is not a card reader and tries to describe what she does as a therapist. Boys make noise upstairs and mother complains.
• Inciting Incident: Roy steps into the salon to avoid someone pursuing him.
• Roy in the shop, mother is on him right away -if he is not there for a reason, he needs to leave; he spots Daphne and a sign advertising Daphne’s readings. He says he wants a reading. Mother wants to throw him out, but Daphne takes him upstairs.
• Daphne reads Roy like a book and sparks ignite between them. She tells him he should direct his criminal impulses toward ripping people off legally and get a job as a salesman.
• Daphne’s boys interrupt, and Roy takes an interest in them
• Gilbert, in his clerical collar, pokes his head in at the end of the reading to retrieve Roy. Daphne is angry at being interrupted; their first meeting is colored by the perceived insult.
• Daphne and Terry go to the beach; Terry’s friends ask for readings. Daphne charges and makes sure everyone knows she is not just a simple card reader. They humor her.
• Blowup between Daphne and her mother over the boys making noise. Mom threatens to evict her if she can’t control them.
• Her next client comes to the back door. Trent is a politician. She ribs him about not wanting to be seen.
• Daphne has a moment with her boys -she explains to them why they have to play quietly
• Roy comes back for another reading, with flowers. He has followed her advice. He got a salesman position with a car dealership. He ends up spending the night
• Mother finds out in the morning and starts a row.
• Turning Point: Daphne and Roy pack up the kids and leave.

ACT 2: LIFE AT THE MANSE

• Daphne, Roy and the kids move into Roy’s caretaker apartment at the manse.
• Gilbert pays Roy a visit and discovers Daphne and the kids moved into the caretaker’s apartment with him. Daphne pleads her case that they will be an asset -she can do some housekeeping work at the manse, and the boys can help Roy with yard work so he can spend more time with his salesman career.
• Roy goes over what yard work needs to be done with the boys. Carl is bonding with Roy, but Abe is not -he stands apart, sullen.
• Gilbert takes Roy out for a drive. Gilbert wants to pick up a hitchhiker and seduce him as is their routine, but Roy says he is through with that; he is now devoted to the family.
• They pick up a hitchhiker; Gilbert gives him a blowjob in the back seat while Roy sits in the front seat refusing to participate.
• While cleaning the manse, Daphne finds incriminating evidence suggesting that Gilbert is sexually abusing teenage boys.
• Daphne give Terry a reading. She gets the gossip on her mother. Terry grills her about doing a 180 from what she said she wanted earlier -independence. Daphne says the story isn’t over yet.
• Gilbert sees Terry leaving, and tells Daphne that while she is living in a Christian establishment, she can’t be performing witchcraft. She argues that she is a legitimate therapist -a life coach. He shifts gears and tells her he has a client for her.
• Through the kitchen window, Daphne spies Gilbert chatting up Carl as he does yard work.
• The client Gilbert refers is a teen-aged boy who is full-blown schizophrenic and Daphne tells him he needs to see a regular psychiatrist.
• Daphne asks Roy about her suspicions of Gilbert. Roy confesses that together, he and Gilbert would pick up young hitchhikers and have sex with them, but swears up and down that he would never do anything with her boys and all that is in the past. He is devoted to her and the family.
• schizophrenic client kills himself.
• Daphne gets a visit from police detective asking about her connection to the suicide.
• Gilbert tells Daphne she has to move out.
• Midpoint Turning Point: Daphne works Roy to get him to commit to the project of buying a house. Roy says that whatever happens he will stand by her.
• Daphne goes to a mortgage broker to see what would be required to buy a house.
• Daphne coaches Roy how to be a great salesman so he can make enough money that they can afford to move out.
• Roy becomes top salesman applying Daphne’s teaching.
• Daphne works her mother to get her to contribute to the downpayment; gets her to commit by agreeing to pay back the money if and when they sell.
• At mom’s insistence, they take out insurance on Roy’s life. Daphne protests loudly.
• Daphne and Roy find the house that speaks to her.

ACT 3: SUBURBAN SUCCESS

• Daphne sets up an office in their new home; buys a bunch of psychology books that she displays prominently.
• Roy helps the boys set up their rooms. He and Carl have fun, but Abe prefers to do it on his own.
• Gilbert pays a visit offering furniture
• Roy goes for a drive with Gilbert. On their way, they pick up a young hitchhiker. This time Roy participates
• In the evening, Roy and Daphne have sex but something is missing… Is he losing interest or is she? They discuss their commitment to each other, that is rests on a foundation of family more than sexual fidelity. Daphne reveals that she watched her mother kill the man who abused her as a child. And she has very little interest in sex as a result.
• Daphne gives a reading to Trent, her politician client from scene 1. They are interrupted by a visit from Detective. She sends him upstairs to hide.
• Detective asks more questions about the suicide; asks questions about her license, which she deftly swats away.
• When the detective is gone, She makes a case for herself to Trent as a respectable therapist and works his guilt so he will declare his loyalty.
• Roy makes a great sale at work.
• Roy celebrates after work with drinks.
• Roy goes off to a gay bar by himself and meets a young hustler.
• Daphne goes to the beach with Terry and some of his gay friends. Daphne finds out from Terry that he has seen Roy at a gay club.
• Daphne finds cocaine in Roy’s jacket pocket.
• Turning Point: Daphne confronts Roy and he confesses to having a new gay lover. She warns him she will kill him if he ever puts a hand on one of her sons, but they come to an agreement that they are a family unit now and need each other so they will support each other’s separate interests. Roy reiterates his commitment to her and the family.

ACT 4: DOUBLE INDEMNITY

• Daphne meets Steve at the beach with Terry, and they have a deep dark psychic connection. Terry warns her that Steve is bad news.
• Carl approaches Roy in his bedroom, flirtatious, saying he thinks there is something wrong with his penis and would Roy take a look? Roy is resolute in his promise not to involve the boys and doesn’t know what to do. They are seen by Daphne’s other son Abe.
• Abe tells Daphne what he has observed.
• Daphne spends a long sleepless night in her favorite chair meditating
• at the beach, she see Steve again and this time agrees to go home with him,
• In Steve’s apartment, they have rough sex, with Daphne egging him on deeper and deeper into the dark recesses of his psyche till eventually he has her tied to a chair naked with a gun to her head.
• Roy finds the ligature marks on Daphne’s wrists and gets Daphne to confess to what happened with Steve.
• Trent arrives for a reading just in time to hear Daphne begging Roy not to go to Steve’s, it is dangerous, as he storms out the door and drives off in his car.
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Roy confronts Steve; Roy gets killed and boyfriend is arrested.
• Gilbert leads the funeral and drops hints that Daphne was the problem if not implicated in the death.
• After the funeral Daphne makes it clear to Gilbert that if she is under suspicion, she will drag Gilbert down with her.
• Same Police detective as before visits Daphne
• Daphne contacts Trent and tells him he has to contact the detective.
• Resolution: Terry brings over a casserole as Detective comes back for a final visit to tell Daphne, grudgingly, that she is in the clear. In conversation, Terry notes that Daphne now has everything she said she wanted and isn’t it fortunate the sequence of events. She responds that she has a guardian angel -someone looking out for her. It’s always been the case -if someone’s mean to her they always pay and she doesn’t have to do anything. Then she distracts him by talking about him.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Character Action Tracks!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to flesh out an outline focusing on the needs of the character profile

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Revised Beat Sheet

ACT 1: DAPHNE RUNS OFF WITH ROY

• Opening: Daphne gives Terry — her BFF, a gay stylist who works for her mother — a reading that includes freely dipping into her own history and she tells him about her abusive relationships and how she never wants another man in her life; she wants independent success and to be taken seriously as a therapist.
• Her next client, overlapping, comes to the back door. Trent is a politician. She ribs him about not wanting to be seen.
• Daphne comes down into her mother’s hair salon after the reading. Terry chats up Daphne’s skills as a reader. Daphne protests that she is not a card reader and tries to describe what she does as a therapist. Boys make noise upstairs and mother complains.
• Inciting Incident: Roy steps into the salon to avoid someone pursuing him.
• Roy in the shop, mother is on him right away — if he is not there for a reason, he needs to leave; he spots Daphne and a sign advertising Daphne’s readings. He says he wants a reading. Mother wants to throw him out, but Daphne takes him upstairs.
• Daphne reads Roy like a book and sparks ignite between them. She tells him he should direct his criminal impulses toward ripping people off legally and get a job as a salesman.
• Daphne’s boys interrupt, and Roy takes an interest in them
• Gilbert, in his clerical collar, pokes his head in at the end of the reading to retrieve Roy. Daphne is angry at being interrupted; their first meeting is colored by the perceived insult.
• Daphne and Terry go to the beach; Terry pushes her to reconsider romance with Roy instead of hanging out with him and his gay friends.
• Roy comes back for another reading, with flowers. He wants to take her out but she refuses. She makes clear that she knows who he is – his criminal ways – and she doesn’t trust him. He asks her what would make her change her mind and she answers that she wants to see him get a jobs as a salesman.
• Blowup between Daphne and her mother over the boys making noise
• Roy comes back having followed her advice. He got a salesman position with a car dealership. She confides in him how men have abused her in the past, and he commits to her that he will never allow that to happen again. He ends up spending the night
• Mother finds out in the morning and starts a row.
• Turning Point: Daphne and Roy pack up the kids and leave.

ACT 2: LIFE AT THE MANSE

• Daphne, Roy and the kids move into Roy’s caretaker apartment at the manse.
• Gilbert pays Roy a visit and discovers Daphne and the kids moved into the caretaker’s apartment with him. Daphne pleads her case that they will be an asset — she can do some housekeeping work at the manse, and the boys can help Roy with yard work so he can spend more time with his salesman career.
• Roy goes over what yard work needs to be done with the boys. Carl is bonding with Roy, but Abe is not — he stands apart, sullen.
• Gilbert takes Roy out for a drive. Gilbert wants to pick up a hitchhiker and seduce him as is their routine, but Roy says he is through with that; he is now devoted to the family.
• They pick up a hitchhiker; Gilbert gives him a blowjob in the back seat while Roy sits in the front seat refusing to participate.
• While cleaning the manse, Daphne finds incriminating evidence suggesting that Gilbert is sexually abusing teenage boys.
• Daphne give Terry a reading. She gets the gossip on her mother. Terry grills her about doing a 180 from what she said she wanted earlier — independence. Daphne says the story isn’t over yet.
• Gilbert sees Terry leaving, and tells Daphne that while she is living in a Christian establishment, she can’t be performing witchcraft. She argues that she is a legitimate therapist — a life coach. He shifts gears and tells her he has a client for her.
• Through the kitchen window, Daphne spies Gilbert chatting up Carl as he does yard work.
• The client Gilbert refers is a teen-aged boy who is full-blown schizophrenic and Daphne tells him he needs to see a regular psychiatrist.
• Daphne asks Roy about her suspicions of Gilbert. Roy confesses that together, he and Gilbert would pick up young hitchhikers and have sex with them, but swears up and down that he would never do anything with her boys and all that is in the past. He is devoted to her and the family.
• Schizophrenic client kills himself.
• Daphne gets a visit from police detective asking about her connection to the suicide.
• Gilbert tells Daphne she has to move out.
• Midpoint Turning Point: Daphne works Roy to get him to commit to the project of buying a house. Roy says that whatever happens he will stand by her.
• Daphne goes to a mortgage broker to see what would be required to buy a house.
• Daphne coaches Roy how to be a great salesman so he can make enough money that they can afford to move out.
• Roy becomes top salesman applying Daphne’s teaching.
• Daphne works her mother to get her to contribute to the downpayment; gets her to commit by agreeing to pay back the money if and when they sell.
• At mom’s insistence, they take out insurance on Roy’s life. Daphne protests loudly.
• Daphne and Roy find the house that speaks to her.

ACT 3: SUBURBAN SUCCESS

• Daphne sets up an office in their new home; buys a bunch of psychology books that she displays prominently.
• Roy helps the boys set up their rooms. He and Carl have fun, but Abe prefers to do it on his own.
• In the evening, Roy and Daphne have sex but something is missing… Is he losing interest or is she? They discuss their commitment to each other, that is rests on a foundation of family more than sexual fidelity.
• Gilbert pays a visit
• Roy goes for a drive with Gilbert. They pick up a young hitchhiker. This time Roy participates
• Daphne gives a reading to Trent, her politician client from scene 1. They are interrupted by a visit from Detective. She sends him upstairs to hide.
• Detective comes back to ask more questions about the suicide; asks questions about her license, which she deftly swats away.
• When the detective is gone, She makes a case for herself to Trent as a respectable therapist and works his guilt so he will declare his loyalty.
• Roy makes a great sale at work.
• Roy celebrates after work with drinks.
• Roy goes off to a gay bar by himself and meets a young hustler.
• Daphne goes to the beach with Terry and some of his gay friends. Daphne finds out from Terry that he has seen Roy at a gay club.
• Daphne finds cocaine in Roy’s jacket pocket.
• Turning Point: Daphne confronts Roy and he confesses to having a new gay lover. She warns him she will kill him if he ever puts a hand on one of her sons, but they come to an agreement that they are a family unit now and need each other so they will support each other’s separate interests. Roy reiterates his commitment to her and the family.

ACT 4: DOUBLE INDEMNITY

• Daphne meets Steve at the beach with Terry, and they have a deep dark psychic connection. Terry warns her that Steve is bad news.
• Carl approaches Roy in his bedroom, flirtatious, saying he thinks there is something wrong with his penis and would Roy take a look? Roy is resolute in his promise not to involve the boys and doesn’t know what to do. They are seen by Daphne’s other son Abe.
• Abe tells Daphne what he has observed.
• Daphne spends a long sleepless night in her favorite chair meditating
• at the beach, she see Steve again and this time agrees to go home with him,
• In Steve’s apartment, they have rough sex, with Daphne egging him on deeper and deeper into the dark recesses of his psyche till eventually he has her tied to a chair naked with a gun to her head.
• Roy finds the ligature marks on Daphne’s wrists and gets Daphne to confess to what happened with Steve.
• Trent arrives for a reading just in time to hear Daphne begging Roy not to go to Steve’s, it is dangerous, as he storms out the door and drives off in his car.
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Roy confronts Steve; Roy gets killed and boyfriend is arrested.
• Gilbert leads the funeral and drops hints that Daphne was the problem if not implicated in the death.
• After the funeral Daphne makes it clear to Gilbert that if she is under suspicion, she will drag Gilbert down with her.
• Same Police detective as before visits Daphne
• Daphne contacts Trent and tells him he has to contact the detective.
• Resolution: Terry brings over a casserole as Detective comes back for a final visit to tell Daphne, grudgingly, that she is in the clear. In conversation, Terry notes that Daphne now has everything she said she wanted and isn’t it fortunate the sequence of events. She responds that she has a guardian angel — someone looking out for her. It’s always been the case — if someone’s mean to her they always pay and she doesn’t have to do anything. Then she distracts him by talking about him.

[Andrew Kelm]

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• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Andrew Kelm. Reason: Mistakenly posted to the wrong lesson

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s New Outline Beats!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… a methodical way to make the plot really solid. I have sort of been doing this already, but this makes the process really clear and thorough!

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

ACT 1: DAPHNE RUNS OFF WITH ROY

• Opening: Daphne gives Terry — her BFF, a gay stylist who works for her mother — a reading that includes freely dipping into her own history and she tells him about her abusive relationships and how she never wants another man in her life; she wants independent success and to be taken seriously as a therapist.
• Her next client, overlapping, comes to the back door. Trent is a politician. She ribs him about not wanting to be seen.
• Daphne comes down into her mother’s hair salon after the reading. Terry chats up Daphne’s skills as a reader. Daphne protests that she is not a card reader and tries to describe waht she does as a therapist. Boys make noise upstairs and mother complains.
• Inciting Incident: Roy steps into the salon to avoid someone pursuing him.
• Roy in the shop, mother is on him right away — if he is not there for a reason, he needs to leave; he spots Daphne and a sign advertising Daphne’s readings. He says he wants a reading. Mother wants to throw him out, but Daphne takes him upstairs.
• Daphne reads Roy like a book and sparks fly between them. She tells him he should direct his criminal impulses toward ripping people off legally and get a job as a salesman.
• Daphne’s boys interrupt, and Roy takes an interest in them
• Gilbert, in his clerical collar, pokes his head in at the end of the reading to retrieve Roy. Daphne is angry at being interrupted; their first meeting is colored by the perceived insult.
• Roy comes back for another reading, with flowers. He wants to take her out but she refuses. She makes clear that she knows who he is – his criminal ways – and she doesn’t trust him. He asks her what would make her change her mind.
• Blowup between Daphne and her mother over the boys making noise
• Roy comes back having followed her advice. He got a salesman position with a car dealership. He ends up spending the night
• Mother finds out in the morning and starts a row.
• Turning Point: Daphne and Roy pack up the kids and leave.

ACT 2: LIFE AT THE MANSE

• Daphne, Roy and the kids move into Roy’s caretaker apartment at the manse in the middle of the night.
• Gilbert pays Roy a morning visit and discovers Daphne and the kids moved into the caretaker’s apartment with him. Daphne pleads her case that they will be an asset — she can do some housekeeping work at the manse, and the boys can help Roy with yard work.
• Roy goes over what yard work needs to be done with the boys. Carl is bonding with Roy, but Abe is not — he stands apart, sullen.
• While cleaning the manse, Daphne finds incriminating evidence suggesting that Gilbert is sexually abusing boys.
• Gilbert discovers Daphne with Terry, her BFF from the hair salon. He has come for a card reading.
• Gilbert tells Daphne that while she is living in a Christian establishment, she can’t be performing witchcraft. She argues that she is a legitimate therapist and he tells her he has a client for her.
• Through the kitchen window, Daphne spies Gilbert chatting up Carl as he does yard work.
• The client Gilbert refers is a teen-aged boy who is full-blown schizophrenic and Daphne tells him he needs to see a regular psychiatrist.
• Daphne asks Roy about her suspicions of Gilbert. Roy confesses that together, he and Gilbert would pick up young hitchhikers and have sex with them, but swears up and down that he would never do anything with her boys and all that is in the past.
• schizophrenic client kills himself.
• Daphne gets a visit from police detective asking about her connection to the suicide.
• Gilbert tells Daphne she has to move out.
• Midpoint Turning Point: Daphne figures out how to get a downpayment together and a mortgage. They buy a house and move out.
• Daphne works Roy to get him to commit to the project of buying a house. Roy says that whatever happens he will stand by her.
• Daphne goes t a mortgage broker to see what would be required to buy a house.
• Daphne coaches Roy how to be a great salesman so he can make enough money that they can afford to move out.
• Daphne works her mother to get her to contribute to the downpayment; gets her to commit by agreeing to pay back the money if and when they sell.
• At mom’s insistence, they take out insurance on Roy’s life. Daphne protests loudly.

ACT 3: SUBURBAN SUCCESS

• Daphne sets up an office in their new home; buys a bunch of psychology books that she displays prominently.
• Roy helps the boys set up their rooms. He and Carl have fun, but Abe prefers to do it on his own.
• Gilbert pays a visit
• Roy goes for a drive with Gilbert. They pick up a young hitchhiker…
• Daphne gives a reading to Trent, her politician client from scene 1. They are interrupted by a visit from Detective. She sends him upstairs to hide.
• Detective asks questions about her license, which she deftly swats away.
• When the detective is gone, She makes a case for herself to Trent as a respectable therapist and works his guilt to declare his loyalty.
• Roy makes a great sale at work.
• Roy celebrates after work with drinks.
• Roy goes off to a gay bar by himself and meets a young hustler.
• Daphne goes to the beach with Terry and some of his gay friends.
• Roy starts neglecting his job and spending nights away from home; Daphne finds cocaine in his jacket pocket.
• Daphne finds out from Terry that he has seen Roy at a gay club.
• Turning Point: Daphne confronts Roy and he confesses to having a new gay lover. She warns him she will kill him if he ever puts a hand on one of her sons, but they come to an agreement that they are a family unit now and need each other so they will support each other’s separate interests. Roy reiterates his commitment to her and the family.

ACT 4: DOUBLE INDEMNITY

• Daphne meets Steve at the beach with Terry, and they have a deep dark psychic connection. Terry warns her that Steve is bad news.
• Carl approaches Roy in his bedroom, flirtatious, saying he thinks there is something wrong with his penis and would Roy take a look? Roy is resolute in his promise not to involve the boys and doesn’t know what to do. They are seen by Daphne’s other son Abe.
• Abe tells Daphne what he has observed.
• Daphne spends a long sleepless night in her favorite chair meditating
• at the beach, she see Steve again and this time agrees to go home with him,
• In Steve’s apartment, they have rough sex, with Daphne egging him on deeper and deeper into the dark recesses of his psyche till eventually he has her tied to a chair naked with a gun to her head.
• Roy finds the ligature marks on Daphne’s wrists and gets Daphne to confess to what happened with Steve.
• Trent arrives for a reading just in time to hear Daphne begging Roy not to go to Steve’s, it is dangerous, as he storms out the door and drives off in his car.
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Roy confronts Steve; Roy gets killed and boyfriend is arrested.
• Gilbert leads the funeral and drops hints that Daphne was the problem if not implicated in the death.
• After the funeral Daphne makes it clear to Gilbert that if she is under suspicion, she will drag Gilbert down with her.
• Same Police detective as before visits Daphne
• Daphne contacts Trent and tells him he has to contact the detective.
• Resolution: Terry brings over a casserole as Detective comes back for a final visit to tell Daphne, grudgingly, that she is in the clear. In conversation, Terry notes that Daphne now has everything she said she wanted and isn’t it fortunate the sequence of events. She responds that she has a guardian angel — someone looking out for her. It’s always been the case — if someone’s mean to her they always pay and she doesn’t have to do anything. Then she distracts him by talking about him.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to corral a whole bunch of different elements into a coherent story.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

ACT 1: DAPHNE RUNS OFF WITH ROY

Opening: Daphne doing a card reading in her kitchen above her mother’s hair salon. Her client is an unseen man — we see Daphne lay out the cards from his point of view. Her reading includes freely dipping into her own history and she tells him about her abusive relationships and how she never wants another man in her life; she wants independent success and to be taken seriously as a therapist. At the end of his reading he slips out the back way so as not to be seen.

– Daphne comes down into her mother’s hair salon after the reading. Her BFF Terry is a gay stylist working on a client. He chats up Daphne’s skills as a reader. Daphne protests that she is not a card reader and tries to describe waht she does as a therapist. Boys make nosie upstairs and mother complains.

Inciting Incident: Roy steps into the salon to avoid someone pursuing him.

– Roy in the shop, mother is on him right away — if he is not there for a reason, he needs to leave; he spots Daphne and a sign advertising Daphne’s readings. He says he wants a reading. Mother wants to throw him out, but Daphne takes him upstairs.

– Daphne reads him like a book and sparks fly between them.

– Daphne’s boys interrupt, and Roy takes an interest in them

– Gilbert pokes his head in at the end of the reading with his clerical collar on. Daphne is angry at being interrupted; their first meeting is colored by the perceived insult.

– Roy comes back for another reading; he has followed her advice and gotten a job as a salesman. He wants to take her out but she refuses.

– Blowup between Daphne and her mother over the boys making noise

– Roy spends the night

– Mother finds out and starts a row.

Turning Point: Daphne and Roy pack up the kids and leave.

ACT 2: LIFE AT THE MANSE

– Gilbert pays Roy a morning visit and discovers Daphne and the kids moved into the caretaker’s apartment with him. Daphne pleads her case that they will be an asset — she can do some housekeeping work at the manse, and the boys can help Roy with yard work.

– Gilbert discovers Daphne with Terry, her BFF from the hair salon. He has come for a card reading. Gilbert tells her that while she is living in a Christian establishment, she can’t be performing witchcraft.

– While cleaning the manse, Daphne finds incriminating evidence suggesting that Gilbert is sexually abusing boys.

– Through the kitchen window, Daphne spies Gilbert chatting up Carl as he does yard work.

– Daphne asks Roy about her suspicions of Gilbert. Roy confesses that together, hea and Gilbert would pick up young hitchhikers and have sex with them, but swears up and down that he would never do anything with her boys and all that is in the past.

– Roy confronts Gilbert over flirting with Carl, and Gilbert tells him he is going to have to move out.

Midpoint Turning Point: Daphne figures out how to get a downpayment together and a mortgage. They buy a house and move out.

– They take out insurance on Roy’s life.

ACT 3: SUBURBAN SUCCESS

– set up in her new home, Daphne gives a reading to her client from scene 1. We find out more about him. It turns out he is a politician, and is careful about being seen coming and going because it wouldn’t look good for him to be seeing a fortune teller.

– Daphne buys a bunch of psychology books and studies

– Roy is living the life of a successful salesman — lots of cash flow, drinks after work.

– Daphne is filling her free time with trips to the beach with Terry and some of his gay friends.

– Roy starts neglecting his job and spending nights away from home; Daphne finds cocaine in his jacket pocket.

– Daphne finds out from Terry that he has seen Roy at a gay club.

Turning Point: Daphne confronts Roy and he confesses to having a new gay lover. She warns him she will kill him if he ever puts a hand on one of her sons.

ACT 4: DOUBLE INDEMNITY

– Daphne meets Steve at the beach with Terry, and they have a deep dark psychic connection. Terry warns her that Steve is bad news.

– Carl approaches Roy in his bedroom, flirtatious, saying he thinks there is something wrong with his penis and would Roy take a look? Roy is resolute in his promise not to involve the boys and doesn’t know what to do. They are seen by Daphne’s other son Abe.

– Abe tells Daphne what he has observed.

– Daphne spends a long sleepless night in her favorite chair meditating

– at the beach, she see Steve and this time agrees to go home with him,

– In Steve’s apartment, they have rough sex with Daphne egging him on deeper and deeper into the dark recesses of his psyche till eventually he has her tied to a chair naked with a gun to her head.

– Roy sense’s that soemthing is wrong and gets Daphne to confess just before Trent arrives for a reading. He is just in time to hear Daphne begging Roy not to go to Steve’s, it is dangerous, as he storms out the door and drives off in his car.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Roy confronts Steve; Roy gets killed and boyfriend is arrested.

– Trent has to be involved in protecting Daphne because he is a witness to her begging Roy not to go.

Resolution: Terry brings over a casserole, and in conversation, he twigs to the fact that Daphne now has everything she said she wanted in scene 1.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Deeper Layer

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… How to get specific about seeding the plot with a subtext layer.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Surface Layer: Daphne is a victim of abusive men, and Roy is one more taking advantage of her

• Deeper Layer: Daphne is using Roy to get exactly what she wants — success and independence
• Major Reveal: She accidentally lets slip that she planned the apparent coincidence that gave her an alibi for Roy’s death
• Influences Surface Story: Daphne knows from the moment she meets Roy that he is her ticket out, and all the romantic impulsiveness fits into her plan
• Hints: In the first scene she tells her client that she doesn’t want another relationship with a man and lays out her vision of independent success; then she is strangely accepting of Roy’s betrayals — until they feed into her plan
• Changes Reality: Realizing that Daphne planned Roy’s death makes us consider that there may be a potential calculation behind all her moves

Incorporating into structure:

• Beginning: Daphne lives in an apartment above her mother’s hair salon looking after two kids from different fathers and doing card readings. She chats with her client how she is through with men and wants an independent life as a successful therapist
• Inciting Incident: meets Roy, who is obviously screwed up and manipulable
• Turning Point 1: She runs away with Roy, apparently caught up in the romance, but it gets her out of her mother’s
• Act 2: She lives with Roy in the caretakers quarters at Gilbert’s church, putting up with being taken advantage of as a means to an end as she gathers strength
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: she manages to pull together enough money for a downpayment and get a mortgage for a house; her and Roy move out
• Act 3: she thrives living with Roy and getting her career going, ignoring him more and more as she needs him less
• Turning Point 3: she discovers Roy has been cheating on her and decides to cheat on him — with someone who turns out to be sadistic, tying her up and holding a gun to her head during sex.
• Act 4 Climax: when she discovers that Roy may have been sexually abusing one of her sons, she tells Roy about her new boyfriend’s abuse, sending him to get retribution and knowing he will be killed; making sure that she has an influential client witness her begging Roy not to go.
• Resolution: She maintains a successful independence as a therapist without any suspicion she is responsible for Roy’s death.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Character Structure

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to create an independent journey for my antagonist.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Daphne

• Beginning: Daphne lives in an apartment above her mother’s hair salon looking after two kids from different fathers and doing card readings
• Inciting Incident: meets Roy
• Turning Point 1: She runs away with Roy
• Act 2: She lives with Roy in the caretakers quarters at Gilbert’s church
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: she manages to pull together enough money for a downpayment and get a mortgage for a house
• Act 3: she thrives living with Tony and getting her career going
• Turning Point 3: she discovers Roy has been cheating on her and suspects he may be abusing one of her sons
• Act 4 Climax: she arranges Roy’s murder in a way that makes her look as if she ere totally uninvolved.
• Resolution: She maintains a successful independence as a therapist without any suspicion she is responsible for Roy’s death.

Roy

• Beginning: Roy is caretaker for Gilbert’s church and the two of them prey on adolescent boys.
• Inciting Incident: Roy meets Daphne
• Turning Point 1: Roy moves in with Daphne
• Act 2: Roy takes Daphne and her sons to live with him at the manse
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Roy fights with Gilbert when he finds him flirting with one of Daphne’s sons
• Act 3: Roy grows apart from Daphne as they become independently successful.
• Turning Point 3: Roy meets a young male lover
• Act 4 Climax: Roy goes to avenge the way Daphne has been treated by her lover
• Resolution: Roy is killed

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Supporting Characters

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to keep supporting characters purposeful and in line with high concept.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Support 1:

• Name: Gilbert
• Role: A minister; Roy’s benefactor, boss and fellow child abuser
• Main purpose: pull Roy away from Daphne
• Value: expands context of conflict to witchcraft vs. church

Support 2:

• Name: Christine
• Role: Daphne’s mother
• Main purpose: warn Daphne away from Roy and expose his flaws
• Value: Her controlling pushes Daphne to run away with Roy

Support 3:

• Name: Samson
• Role: Politician who gets advice from Daphne
• Main purpose: protect Daphne from legal consequences
• Value: makes repercussions of Daphne’s unraveling political

Support 4:

• Name: Carl
• Role: Daphne’s first-born son
• Main purpose: sexually tempt Roy
• Value: provides the spark that puts Daphne’s plan to murder Roy into action

Support 5:

• Name: Abraxas
• Role: Daphne’s second son
• Main purpose: rat on suspected sex between Carl and Roy
• Value: provides the spark that puts Daphne’s plan to murder Roy into action

Support 6:

• Name: Terry
• Role: Daphne’s gay friend she hangs out with when abandoned by Roy
• Main purpose: sounding board for Daphne
• Value: Brings out more facets of Daphne’s character and illuminates her decision-making process

Support 7:

• Name: Steve
• Role: Daphne’s abusive boyfriend she turns to after Roy
• Main purpose: to provide a way of getting rid of Roy
• Value: Increase the intrigue

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Andrew Kelm.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Character Profiles Part 2

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… a lot of things go into character profiles

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Daphne

A. The High Concept. Daphne is a wounded healer; a psychic who wants to use her intuitive gifts to help people but has a blind spot when it comes to abusive men who take advantage of her.

B. This character’s journey. Goes from being dependent on her mother and a victim to being a ruthless survivor and success at the cost of cynicism.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character.

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? She is constantly subverting expectations; full of contradictions
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? She is in control of every situation except her vulnerability with abusive men
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? She arranges the murder of her partner through subtle manipulations that make it seem she had nothing to do with it.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? She is giving a card reading to a client that shows the whole range of her personality
5. What could be this character’s emotional range? She can be cold or empathetic; angry or easy going; a bully or intense listener; great sense of humor
6. What subtext can the actor play? She was abused as a child and her relationships with men are colored by that.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? She falls in love with a man who is a threat to her sons.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Pithy, honest and to the point; detached, yet passionate when provoked
9. What could make this character special and unique. She always gets her way; she is on the edge between outrageously off-center and brilliant

7. Character Subtext:

• Subtext Identity: a psychic who convinces the world that she is absolutely honest, and in control of her life. But underneath she is drawn to dangerous men who victimize her.
• Subtext Trait: defensive; on the surface she is totally open but that hides a rock-solid defense against core vulnerability that can lead her to be reckless on the surface; secretive and conniving
• Subtext Logline: Daphne is a victim of abuse who pretends to be chill about it but unconsciously wants revenge.
• Possible Areas of Subtext: defensive; on the surface she is disarmingly open with her clients and the people around her, but underneath she protects a vulnerability, a madness born of early abuse that the wrong man can release. She flirts with that sometimes in ways that can seem reckless.
• Hiding something: her vulnerabilities — she never allows herself to be seen as wrong or truly vulnerable
• Plotting: revenge is a dish best served cold

8. Character Intrigue:

• Hidden agendas
• Competition: always has to be right
• Conspiracy: She plots the murder of her partner
• Secrets: witnessed her mother killing her husband
• Deception:
• Unspoken Wound: abuse as a child
• Secret Identity: counsels a high-level government official

9. Flaw: undervalues herself

10. Values: sincerely wants to help people; is secretly a romantic who can be swept off her feet by a silver-tongued devil

11. Character Dilemma: sincerely helping people vs. making money.

Roy

A. The High Concept. Roy is damaged goods. His view of the world is forever skewed by an alcoholic mother who abused him and from whom he picked up an appetite to abuse others. He seduces Daphne to get to her sons

B. This character’s journey. He goes from someone who loves to con others to wanting to wanting to be a father .

C. The Actor Attractors for this character.

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? He is always calculating; a charming con artist
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? He has the outrageous goal of seducing his partner’s sons, with the ultimate unconscious goal of getting punished
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Walking into his own murder.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? He is on the run and has to charm his way to safety
5. What could be this character’s emotional range. Cold, seductive; sometimes reverting to a childish guilt-ridden vulnerability
6. What subtext can the actor play? Abused as a child; wants to abuse others; wants to be punished.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? Falls in love with the woman who will kill him.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Cold and calculated but able to turn on the charm
9. What could make this character special and unique. He gets away with everything he does — until he doesn’t.

7. Character Subtext:

• Subtext Identity: A con man who enjoys something tenfold if he gets it through trickery
• Subtext Trait: liar; he is sneaky — always trying to get away with something
• Subtext Logline: Roy is a con man who secretly wants to be punished
• Possible Areas of Subtext: a no-good charmer who constantly pushes his luck
• Lying: Always lies, even when it serves no purpose
• Luring/seducing: always on the lookout for a sucker; as sexual predator and car salesman
• Withholding; Hides everything as a matte rof course
• Plotting: second nature

8. Character Intrigue:

• Hidden agendas; wants to seduce Daphne’s boys
• Competition
• Conspiracy
• Secrets
• Deception
• Unspoken Wound
• Secret Identity

9. Flaw:

• Takes too many risks

10. Values:

• Getting away with something
• money

11. Internal Dilemma: Wants to get away with stuff / wants to get caught

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Character Profiles Part 1

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to develop different facets of my characters.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Daphne

A. The High Concept. Daphne is a wounded healer; a psychic who wants to use her intuitive gifts to help people but has a blind spot when it comes to abusive men who take advantage of her.

B. This character’s journey. Goes from being dependent on her mother and a victim to being a ruthless survivor and success at the cost of cynicism.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character.

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? She is constantly subverting expectations; full of contradictions
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? She is in control of every situation except her vulnerability with abusive men
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? She arranges the murder of her partner through subtle manipulations that make it seem she had nothing to do with it.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? She is giving a card reading to a client that shows the whole range of her personality
5. What could be this character’s emotional range? She can be cold or empathetic; angry or easy going; a bully or intense listener; great sense of humor
6. What subtext can the actor play? She was abused as a child and her relationships with men are colored by that.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? She falls in love with a man who is a threat to her sons.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Pithy, honest and to the point; detached, yet passionate when provoked
9. What could make this character special and unique. She always gets her way; she is on the edge between outrageously off-center and brilliant

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist. Daphne is a wounded healer who wants to use her intuitive gifts to help people, but that is challenged at every turn from within and without.

2. Age range and Description: 20s. Daphne is a card reader who is bright, fun and direct. After a few minutes with her, her clients feel like she knows them better than anyone else in the world.

3. Core Traits:

• Intuitive
• Direct
• Ruthless
• empathetic

4. Motivation; Want/Need:

• Wants to help people
• Needs resolve her vulnerability to abusive men

5. Wound: She was abused as a child and watched her mother murder her boyfriend.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

• Likability: she’d smart; has a good sense of humor; tells people the painful truth
• Relatability: she is surrounded by fools — people who don’t see the things that are obvious to her. Roy is charming and a relief.
• Empathy: her mother nags her; she’s always short of money; as two small boys who are terrors

Roy

A. The High Concept. Roy is damaged goods. His view of the world is forever skewed by an alcoholic mother who abused him and from whom he picked up an appetite to abuse others. He seduces Daphne to get to her sons

B. This character’s journey. He goes from someone who loves to con others to wanting to wanting to be a father .

C. The Actor Attractors for this character.

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? He is always calculating; a charming con artist
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? He has the outrageous goal of seducing his partner’s sons, with the ultimate unconscious goal of getting punished
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Walking into his own murder.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? He is on the run and has to charm his way to safety
5. What could be this character’s emotional range. Cold, seductive; sometimes reverting to a childish guilt-ridden vulnerability
6. What subtext can the actor play? Abused as a child; wants to abuse others; wants to be punished.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? Falls in love with the woman who will kill him.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Cold and calculated but able to turn on the charm
9. What could make this character special and unique. He gets away with everything he does — until he doesn’t.

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist

2. Age range and Description: A charming man in his 20s with rough edges that give him an appealing vulnerability.

3. Core Traits:

• Lying
• Charming
• Ruthless
• Masochistic — his comfort zone is being afraid he’ll get caught for something he’s done.

4. Motivation; Want/Need:

• Wants: to con people
• Needs: to be punished for his sins

5. Wound: abusive alcoholic mother; abuse continued in reform school

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

• Likability: he is charming, calm, kind to Daphne and her boys
• Relatability: Desperate because he is always short of money;
• Empathy: he was abused by his mother and that abuse continued through reform school

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to get specific about making my characters likeable, relatable and empathetic.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Character Name: Daphne

• Role: Protagonist
• Likability: she’d smart; has a good sense of humor; tells people the painful truth
• Relatability: she is surrounded by fools — people who don’t see the things that are obvious to her. Roy is charming and a relief.
• Empathy: her mother nags her; she’s always short of money; as two small boys who are terrors

Character Name: Roy

• Role: Antagonist
• Likability: he is charming, calm, kind to Daphne and her boys
• Relatability: Desperate because he is always short of money;
• Empathy: he was abused by his mother

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Character Intrigue

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to plant specific subtext motivations in characters.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Character Name: Daphne

• Role: Protagonist
• Unspoken Wound: abused as a child
• Secret Identity: advisor to government

Character Name: Roy

• Role: Antagonist
• Hidden agendas: plans to abuse Daphne’s boys
• Secrets: he abuses teenage boys
• Unspoken Wound: abused by crazy mother
• Secret Identity: Con man

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Character Intrigue

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to plant specific subtext motivations in character profiles.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

• Character Name: Daphne
• Role: Protagonist
• Unspoken Wound: abused as a child
• Secret Identity: advisor to government

• Character Name: Roy
• Role: Antagonist
• Hidden agendas: plans to abuse Daphne’s boys
• Secrets: he abuses teenage boys
• Unspoken Wound: abused by crazy mother
• Secret Identity: Con man

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Subtext Characters

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to be more specific about character subtext.

Example Movie character:

• Movie Title: LABOR DAY
• Character Name: Adele
• Subtext Identity: a single mother who longs to have a man in her life
• Subtext Trait: depressed; withdrawn
• Subtext Logline: Adele is a kidnapping victim who falls in love with her kidnapper
• Possible Areas of Subtext: submissive; she wants to do the right thing but can’t help assisting the criminal because he could make her dreams come true; she is agoraphobic because she is deeply ashamed that she can’t have children — she believes that no man would want her.

My two leads:

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

• Character Name: Daphne
• Subtext Identity: a psychic who convinces the world that she is absolutely honest, and in control of her life. But underneath she is drawn to dangerous men who victimize her.
• Subtext Trait: defensive; on the surface she is totally open but that hides a rock-solid defense against core vulnerability that can lead her to be reckless on the surface; secretive and conniving
• Subtext Logline: Daphne is a victim of abuse who pretends to be chill about it but secretly wants revenge.
• Possible Areas of Subtext: defensive; on the surface she is disarmingly open with her clients and the people around her, but underneath she protects a vulnerability, a madness born of early abuse that the wrong man can release. She flirts with that sometimes in ways that can seem reckless.

• Character Name: Roy
• Subtext Identity: A con man who enjoys something tenfold if he gets it through trickery
• Subtext Trait: liar; he is sneaky — always trying to get away with something
• Subtext Logline: Roy is a con man who secretly wants to be punished
• Possible Areas of Subtext: a no-good charmer who constantly pushes his luck

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Actor Attractors

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to give characters traits that will attract actors.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Lead Character Name: Daphne

Role: Protagonist

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? She is constantly subverting expectations; full of contradictions

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? She is in control of every situation except her vulnerability with abusive men

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? She arranges the murder of her partner through subtle manipulations that make it seem she had nothing to do with it.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? She is giving a card reading to a client that shows the whole range of her personality

5. What could be this character’s emotional range? She can be cold or empathetic; angry or easy going; a bully or intense listener; great sense of humor

6. What subtext can the actor play? She was abused as a child and her relationships with men are colored by that.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? She falls in love with a man who is a threat to her sons.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Pithy, honest and to the point; detached, yet passionate when provoked

9. What could make this character special and unique. She always gets her way; she is on the edge between outrageously off-center and brilliant

Lead Character Name: Roy

Role: Antagonist

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? He is always calculating; a charming con artist

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? He has the outrageous goal of seducing his partner’s sons, with the ultimate unconscious goal of getting punished

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Walking into his own murder.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? He is on the run and has to charm his way to safety

5. What could be this character’s emotional range. Cold, seductive; sometimes reverting to a childish guilt-ridden vulnerability

6. What subtext can the actor play? Abused as a child; wants to abuse others; wants to be punished.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? Falls in love with the woman who will kill him.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Cold and calculated but able to turn on the charm

9. What could make this character special and unique. He gets away with everything he does — until he doesn’t.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Actor attractors for LABOR DAY

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to appreciate what makes an actor want to play a character.

Lead Character Name: Adele (Kate Winslet)

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Complex character who’s ordinary on the surface but full of huge emotions and contradictions underneath — it demands a lot of technical skill to play all of that, so it is a challenge and a tour-de-force if an actor can do it.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? She is caught in a dilemma that is relatable. She is chronically depressed since her husband left her, and this man enters her life to pull her out of it but he is a fugitive from justice. She is a coiled spring: she is passive, but her reactions determine what will happen at every moment.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? She falls in love with an escaped convict and prepares to go on the run with him.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Quietly. She is an enigma. She is first with her son — an unhealthy dependence. She is agoraphobic; nervous in the car to the point where she can’t put the car in gear properly without her son’s help; she has to psyche herself up to get out of the car and go into the store. Once that is established, she is abducted.
5. What is this character’s emotional range? From shut down to in love; devastated when the police come for Frank; timid and yet pushes herself to stand up for Frank to the police.
6. What subtext can the actor play? There’s a whole tangle: everything is tinged by her depression; she is afraid of the convict and attracted at the same time; she is afraid of the influence he has on her son, but sees that he is the role model he needs. It is stated more than once that she “is in love with love.”
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? She falls in love with an escaped convict. She is afraid and law abiding, and yet he charms her; he is the person she needs.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? She is withdrawn and hardly speaks, but when she does, she is sincere and loving.
9. What makes this character special and unique? She is a good person who has shut down, but blossoms again when she is loved. Though she is a picture of timidity, she never wallows in emotion and is brave enough to follow her heart’s desire.
10. The escaped convict convinces her to let him tie her to a chair to “pretend” that she is being held against her will… when actually she is being held against her will.

Lead Character Name: Frank (Josh Brolin)

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? He is a complex character — menacing and yet a dream come true for both mother and son.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? He has to win over mother and son, and the audience — we do not know if he is going to murder them at first. He keeps subverting expectations by being this really nice guy.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? I think with Frank what makes him interesting is that he does really ordinary things instead of what is expected from an escaped convict. So making an apple pie as an escaped convict becomes really interesting.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? He approaches the boy in a store and convinces him (threatens?) to get his mother to drive him back to their house. On the edge of charming and compelling and threatening.
5. What is this character’s emotional range? Tough to loving and sensitive; from a threat to perfect lover and father figure.
6. What subtext can the actor play? This is the family he lost. He is determined to escape, but he also is falling in love.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? He forms a love relationship with Adele and becomes a father figure for Henry.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? Strong, ruthless and tender at the same time. He speaks with gruff, short sentences but with kindness.
9. What makes this character special and unique? He is a cipher. For a long time we don’t know if he is dangerous but he’s not — he’s perfection for these two people.
10. Act 1 turning point. Before we really know if he is villain or hero, he has the three of them make a pie together — and he knows how to do it expertly.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Genre Conventions

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I thought my project was a thriller but for now, it’s a drama — it is character driven, and I can’t find ways to up the stakes externally enough to make it a thriller… I did a lot of thinking that I think will feed into plot details moving forward and maybe find the key to making it a thriller, but for now it didn’t change.

FATEMONGER; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

GENRE: Drama

Act 1:

• Opening: Daphne doing a card reading in her kitchen above her mother’s hair salon. She tells her client that some things are fated and others can be changed… Interaction with mother and sons to establish context… Mother constantly annoyed about how much noise the boys are making.
• Inciting Incident: Roy steps into the salon to avoid someone pursuing him; mother is on him right away — if he is not there for a reason, he needs to leave; he spots a sign advertising Daphne’s readings and arranges to have one; Daphne reads him like a book and sparks fly between them.
• Through the rest of the act, Roy is wooing Daphne and she is coaching him how to channel his manipulation skills toward being a successful salesman.
• Turning Point: fight with mother; Daphne and Roy pack up the kids and leave.

Act 2:

• New plan: Daphne, Roy and the two boys set out to forge a new life
• Plan in action: they go from living in their car to Daphne coaching Roy to success as a car salesman while she turns her card reading into a successful therapy practice.
• Midpoint Turning Point: Roy starts neglecting his job and spending nights away from home; Daphne finds cocaine in his jacket pocket.

Act 3:

• Rethink everything: Daphne realizes their relationship is not going to be perfect, but for the sake of the family they have built, decides not to throw him out.
• New plan: Daphne decides to become more independent, throws herself into improving her skills, takes on Buddhist meditation, Jungian psychology, writing books
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift — Daphne finds out that Roy has a young gay lover.

Act 4:

• Daphne doubles down and takes her own new lover, determined to remain detached from Roy’s shenanigans, and this works fine until her new lover turns majorly abusive and kinky — holding a gun to her head in the middle of sex – and one of her sons tells her that Roy has been spending a lot of time with the other son alone in his room.
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Daphne manipulates Roy into confronting her new boyfriend over the abuse, knowing that he has a gun and is a hot head; Roy gets killed and boyfriend is arrested.
• Resolution: Daphne is free of Roy and the other boyfriend, established in a successful career and beyond suspicion.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s 4 Act transformation Structure

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… a four act structure can be sketched out quickly and efficiently using these tools.

FATEMONGER

Concept: a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Main Conflict: Daphne and Roy — helping people vs. taking advantage of them; Roy wants to go down the road of getting something for nothing while Daphne sincerely wants to help people.

Daphne Old Ways:

• insecure victim

• dependent on her mother
• caught up in patterns of negative abuse from men
• undervalues her intuitive gifts

Daphne New Ways:

• powerful and ruthless
• independent
• dangerous to abusive men
• makes sure she gets paid what she’s worth.

Daphne Internal Journey: from insecure victim to confident and controlling

Daphne External Journey: From poor psychic selling card readings in her mother’s beauty salon to successful therapist with wealth and a following

Act 1:

• Opening: Daphne doing a card reading in her kitchen above her mother’s hair salon. She tells her client that some things are fated and others can be changed… Interaction with mother and sons to establish context… Mother constantly annoyed about how much noise the boys are making.
• Inciting Incident: Roy steps into the salon to avoid someone pursuing him; mother is on him right away — if he is not there for a reason, he needs to leave; he spots a sign advertising Daphne’s readings and arranges to have one as an excuse to stay; Daphne reads him like a book and sparks fly between them.
• Through the rest of the act, Roy is wooing Daphne and she is coaching him how to channel his manipulation skills toward being a successful salesman.
• Turning Point: fight with mother; Daphne and Roy pack up the kids and leave.

Act 2:

• New plan: Daphne, Roy and the two boys set out to forge a new life
• Plan in action: they go from living in their car to Daphne coaching Roy to success as a car salesman while she turns her card reading into a successful therapy practice.
• Midpoint Turning Point: Roy starts neglecting his job and spending nights away from home; Daphne finds cocaine in his jacket pocket.

Act 3:

• Rethink everything: Daphne realizes their relationship is not going to be perfect, but for the sake of the family they have built, decides not to throw him out.
• New plan: Daphne decides to become more independent, throws herself into improving her skills, takes on Buddhist meditation, Jungian psychology, writing books
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift — Daphne finds out that Roy has a young gay lover.

Act 4:

• Daphne doubles down and takes her own new lover, determined to remain detached from Roy’s shenanigans, and this works fine until her new lover turns majorly abusive and kinky — holding a gun to her head in the middle of sex – and one of her sons tells her that Roy has been spending a lot of time with the other son alone in his room.
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Daphne manipulates Roy into confronting her new boyfriend over the abuse, knowing that he has a gun and is a hot head; Roy gets killed and boyfriend is arrested.
• Resolution: Daphne is free of Roy and the other boyfriend, established in a successful career and beyond suspicion.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Subtext Plot

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is… how to focus and articulate the subtext so that it is easy to reference and apply at any point in the writing.

FATEMONGER: a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

7. Competitive Agendas:
On surface: Daphne and Roy help each other to success
Under surface: They bring out the worst in each other

6. A major coverup: Roy is a sexual predator and he is interested in Daphne’s two adolescent sons.

3. Someone hides who they are: both main characters are hiding their past histories of abuse that inform their present agendas — he is acting out his attraction to teenaged boys and his desire to be punished for it; and she is replaying patterns of being attracted to abusive men, making her hyper-sensitive and ruthless.

This story is about healing the wounded healer with tragic and ironic consequences. By going through her relationship with Roy, Daphne is able to break free of her cycle of abuse to find her own power — at the expense of Roy’s life and her innocence.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Transformational Journey

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced

What I learned from doing this assignment is… how to nail the broad strokes of my character quickly and efficiently.

FATEMONGER: a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons

Daphne

Arc Beginning: Insecure, penniless single mother who does card readings in her mother’s hair salon and lives in the apartment above.

Arc Ending: financially secure, well-known non-traditional therapist with a following

Internal Journey: from insecure victim to confident and controlling

External Journey: From poor psychic selling card readings in her mother’s beauty salon to successful therapist with wealth and a following

Old Ways:

• insecure victim
• dependent on her mother
• caught up in patterns of negative abuse from men
• undervalues her intuitive gifts

New Ways:

• powerful and ruthless
• independent
• dangerous to abusive men
• makes sure she gets paid what she’s worth.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm”s Intentional Lead Characters

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies Who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I leaned from doing this assignment is… How to give a succinct summary of who my characters are and how they support my concept.

FATEMONGER: a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Protagonist

Character: Daphne

Logline: an abused single mother who gives psychic readings and genuinely wants to use her gifts to help people but needs money.

Unique: Intuitively wise but not academically smart, she is vulnerable to abusive men because of her low self esteem and history of abuse.

Antagonist

Character: Roy

Logline: a con man and sexual predator who is willing to work very hard to get something for nothing

Unique: Roy is a consummate liar who developed a predilection for seducing adolescent boys from his abusive mother and years spent in juvenile correctional facilities. He is in his comfort zone when he is at risk of being caught doing something he shouldn’t.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is… How my characters relate to each other. In a sense it is a love story, but one is the protagonist with the other the antagonist. And there is a third person who could be a point on a triangle, but his story is peripheral.

Title: FATEMONGER

Concept: a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Character Structure: Protagonist versus Antagonist.

[Andrew Kelm]

Hi Everyone

My name is Andrew Kelm. I’ve written 7 or 8 feature scripts, 3 TV pilots, several shorts, a few treatments; I have written shorts produced by other people as well as shorts I have directed and produced myself. I am also a produced and published playwright.

I intend to use the skills offered in this course to write the best script I’ve ever written.

There’s nothing about myself I want to hold up as a calling card, but I don’t want to hold back either. I’ve been at this for twenty years; I’m gay; I work as a technical writer; I live in Toronto, Canada; I’m still freaked out about marketing but I am committed to working on it — and I will actually do it one day… This evening, I am watching the great 1923 Harold Lloyd film, Safety Last, that I stumbled across while putting together a presentation for my day job, and I am thinking about how great it is that part of our discipline as writers is to follow the paths that open up in front of us wherever they lead. I don’t think that thought makes me unique, special, strange or unusual, but I think that process is what makes us all unique, special, strange and unusual, and I look forward to interacting with the other unique, special, strange and unusual people I already know and those I will meet along the path of this course.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew’s Projects and Insights

3. Two projects:

a. An idea I would like to create: INSITE — a romantic drama about a relationship between a psychic and a crook; how they support each other but then eventually drag each other down. $40 million

b. A finished script: THE GLASS SLEEPER — a rom-com about a couple who love each other in a shared dream world but can’t stand each other in real life. $50 million

4. What I learned from the opening teleconference: 5 steps to approaching writing assignments — wonderfully clear. Why didn’t I think of that? 🙂 Looking forward to the details.

[Andrew Kelm]

Hi. I’m Andrew Kelm.

I have written 6-10 screenplays and pilots.

I hope to get writing assignments as a result of this class.

I won the math award in grade 10. It’s all been down hill since then.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Andrew Kelm]

Hi Jenifer. I have a drama. Would you like to exchange?

[Andrew Kelm]

on its way

[Andrew Kelm]

Hi Rebecca

I would like to exchange.

FATEMONGERS — drama — a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

email: ndrwkelm@gmail.com

[Andrew Kelm]

excellent! My email is ndrwkelm@gmail.com. Send me your script and I will reply with mine. Thanks!