[Anita Daher]

Ugh. Finding this super difficult. Did a rip and tear of my previous scene. Tried to make it shorter, but am still at a full 5 pages. I’ll need lots more practice.

EXT. CITY STREET – EVENING

Two men in business suits, TRENT, 24, and ROBERT, 24, exit a bar. Robert, slightly drunk and swaying, holds his arms to the heavens as if in praise.

ROBERT

It’s a beautiful night, people! Smell the glory.

TRENT

I think that’s cat piss.

ROBERT

You’ve always had a great nose, Trent. Remember in high school how you sniffed out Gary Gizzard’s drug stash for the cops?

TRENT

I never did that. You made it up. I got a beating for it.

ROBERT

You made good use of your time laid up in bed. Day-trader at 16!

TRENT

You made that up too. When I got back I got beat up again for not buying lunch.

ROBERT

Hey, past is past, right? We were kids.

TRENT

True. Tonight we celebrate your promotion! If you hadn’t stepped in the whole place might have been trashed. (laughing and deepening his voice) “Sir–”

ROBERT

“Kinko’s is no place for an emu!” Yeah, I know, I was there. I said that.

TRENT

The rest of us–me in particular–could have intervened. Especially me. I mean, I’ve been there the longest.

ROBERT

Why is that, Trent? You don’t need the money. who woulda thought my prank back then woulda came true. (stops) Wait. Did I plant that idea, Trent? Am I the reason you are a billionaire?

TRENT

Not a billionaire.

ROBERT

But pretty rich.

TRENT

Let’s keep the money our secret, okay?

ROBERT

I am truly honored you told me.

TRENT

Come on, this way. I have a surprise for you.

They start down the sidewalk. Robert, weaving slightly.

ROBERT

A good one, I trust. And I do trust trust you. Well, you and your very fine single malt, my friend (giggles).

TRENT

Are we friends, though?

ROBERT

Since forever.

TRENT

We’ve certainly known each other forever.

ROBERT

And I owe you. I never woulda got this job without you.

TRENT

That is true.

ROBERT

(laughs) If the guys could see me now. With you. You know what they called you back then.

TRENT

(beat) No. What?

ROBERT

Chester. You remember that old cartoon?

TRENT

No.

ROBERT

Chester the terrier was always bouncing around Spike the bulldog saying they were pals. They weren’t. (laughs)

Trent stops abruptly in front of a red door framed by brick. Robert stumbles slightly forward, then backs up and stands beside Trent. Illuminated by an overhanging light, there is a small hook on the door where a sign might once have hung.

TRENT

We’re here.

ROBERT

Where here?

TRENT

Consider this a gift. From Chester to Spike.

ROBERT

You do remember! You were always around. You get it now? Around and around, and a–

TRENT

Got it.

ROBERT

I liked it, to be honest. You always made me feel…

TRENT

What?

ROBERT

I don’t know. Better. (laughs) You were a puppy.

TRENT

So you said. (suddenly earnest) And now you will do exactly as I tell you.

Robert is gobsmacked.

TRENT

Close your mouth or the rats will crawl in.

ROBERT

What…?

TRENT

I own that Kinko’s, Robert. That is how you got the job. I am there incognito to keep an eye on things. Yesterday you hinted that someone there is stealing my money, and I need you to figure out who.

ROBERT

You own the Kinko’s?

TRENT

Try and keep up. You and I have known each other forever. Therefore there is no one I trust in that building more than you. Also, people like you. They’ll open up to you. You must find out who is stealing from me.

ROBERT

I don’t know, Trent. I like those guys we work with.

TRENT

I will direct-deposit the equivalent of six months pay in your bank account.

ROBERT

(Pause) I’ll do it. But not because of the money. Because we are friends. We may not have been friends when we were kids, not exactly friends, but our history, our shared memories, bond us. We are friends…my friend.

TRENT

Oh., I…I didn’t expect that.

ROBERT

(grins) But I still want the money.

Robert extends a hand to shake. Trent accepts it.

ROBERT

Okay, what do I do.

Trent nods toward the door.

TRENT

Enter. All will become clear.

Robert shrugs, grins, and opens the door. Suddenly, he twists, pulls something from Trents pocket, and shoves him inside the building. Trent cries out and continues to cry out, but the sound is muffled by kicking, thunking, hissing, spitting and grunting.

Robert listens for a moment then shuts the door. He looks at the thing he pulled from Trent’s pocket. It’s a small placard saying, “Knock First. Emergency Emu Rescue.” Soberly, he hangs it on the hook, straightens his tie and steps back into the street.

A man, GEORGE, 40s, carrying a briefcase passes by, stops.

MAN

Robert? Is that you?

ROBERT

Oh, hey, George. Yes, it’s me.

GEORGE

Have you made a decision on Kinko’s?

ROBERT

I have in fact. You have a deal. I am finally ready to sell.

GEORGE

Excellent!

They shake hands and walk away, seemingly oblivious to the muffles thumps and yells from behind the door.

Robert, no longer swaying, holds his arms to the heavens as if in praise.

ROBERT

It’s a beautiful night, people! Smell the glory.

[Anita Daher]

EXT. CITY STREET – EVENING

Two men in business suits, TRENT, 24, and ROBERT, 24, stumble arm-in-arm out of a bar, weaving onto the sidewalk and holding each other up as they walk and talk.

TRENT

You have always been a star, Robert. Ever since high school–no, grade school. You deserve this promotion.

ROBERT

Stop, stop–no, more!

They laugh. Trent glances over his shoulder. His eyes are clear. Not drunk. He holds Robert tight and guides them around the corner onto a dark side street.

TRENT

The rest of us just stood there when that guy came in with his emotional support emu–

ROBERT

Who does that?–

TRENT

Right? If you hadn’t stepped in it might have trashed the place. (laughing and deepening his voice) “Sir–”

ROBERT

“Kinko’s is no place for an emu!” Yeah, I know, I was there. I said that.

TRENT

You said more. I don’t even think the guy knew you were insulting him.

ROBERT

(winks) It’s a gift.

TRENT

The rest of us–me in particular–should have stepped up. I mean, I’ve been there the longest.

ROBERT

Why is that, Trent? It’s not like you need the money. Not with those stock gains you were telling about in there.

TRENT

Let’s keep that our secret, okay? Come on. You’re going to love this.

ROBERT

I trust you. Well, you and your very fine single malt (giggles).

Trent stops abruptly in front of a red door framed by brick. They unlink arms. Illuminated by an overhanging light, there is a small hook on the door where a sign might once have hung.

TRENT

We’re here.

ROBERT

Where here?

TRENT

I told you, man. There’s more.

ROBERT

The drinks were enough.

TRENT

That was the boss’s celebration, which you totally deserved. No one is saying you didn’t. No one.

ROBERT

Methinks you doth–

TRENT

No, man. Really truly. We’re happy for you, the whole Kinko’s gang. I am happy for you. Me, your friend since forever.

ROBERT

We actually never used to–

TRENT

We’re friends now, yeah?

ROBERT

I owe you. I never would have got this job without you.

TRENT

That part is true. You’ve always had it easy.

ROBERT

(affronted) You don’t know me.

TRENT

I’ve always known you.

ROBERT

What you always been is around. And around, and around, and a–

TRENT

‘Scuse me?

ROBERT

Why was that, Trent? The kids, they made fun of you.

TRENT

I never knew that. (he did)

ROBERT

Okay, I may have had something to do with that. It was high school, right? We weren’t yet the stellar citizens we are now.

TRENT

Stellar.

ROBERT

I liked it, to be honest. You, I mean. There. You always made me feel…

TRENT

What?

ROBERT

I don’t know. Better. (laughs) You were a puppy.

TRENT

A what?

ROBERT

Oh, come on. You know how it was.

TRENT

Why don’t you tell me?

ROBERT

I shouldn’t.

TRENT

You really should. You owe me, right?

ROBERT

For what?

TRENT

The job. The promotion.

ROBERT

Right. But maybe I don’t. The job, sure, but you said it. You coulda stepped up and you didn’t. Just like high school. Always around, like a puppy. You weren’t even on the team.

TRENT

Never tried out.

ROBERT

Oh, come on! (laughs) Some have it, some don’t.

TRENT

And I don’t.

ROBERT

See? You know it too. And here we are after all these years. You and me.

TRENT

Pinky and The Brain.

ROBERT

Scooby doo and that jock. (laughs) What is this place, did you say?

TRENT

You deserve more than a few drinks. You saved the day, man.

ROBERT

Tell me again.

TRENT

If it weren’t for you we woulda had emu shit all over the place. You know how hard that is to get out of a copier?

ROBERT

You do?

TRENT

My cousin raised emus. Shit goes all over, sticky-like.

ROBERT

I do deserve this.

TRENT

That’s what I’m saying.

(Robert looks at door, weaving slightly)

ROBERT

So what’s behind the door? Did you say?

TRENT

Massage therapy. Of a sort.

ROBERT

Of a sort?

TRENT

(grins) Yeah.

ROBERT

A…sort?

TRENT

Best money can buy.

Anticipation floods Roberts face as he chuckles and looks to hungrily toward the door. He suddenly clasps Trent tightly, emotionally.

ROBERT

You’re a good guy, Trent. I really shoulda said something back then. In school. I should have stood up for you. I’m sorry.

Trent appears emotional. He hugs tighter, then disentangles himself.

TRENT

Thanks, Man. I needed to hear that.

ROBERT

You have always been here for me.

TRENT

(beat) Always around.

They laugh, and Robert turns back toward the door.

ROBERT

So what happens now?

TRENT

You go in.

ROBERT

Don’t I knock?

TRENT

You’re expected.

Robert winks at Trent and opens the door. There are soft noises from the interior, a reverberating burble, or loud purr, as if amplified in large steel barrel, and shuffling. But it’s dark. We can’t see in. Robert wrinkles his nose.

ROBERT

What’s that smell?

Trent gives Robert a hard shove from behind. He cries out and continues to cry out, but the sound is muffled by kicking, thunking, hissing, spitting and grunting.

Trent listens for a moment then shuts the door. He pulls something from his pocket. It’s a small placard saying, “Knock First. Emergency Emu Rescue.” Soberly, he hangs it on the hook.

TRENT

Woof.

He straightens his tie and walks away.

[Anita Daher]

Title: Anita Daher Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned is that even when you think (or thought) a scene works, by considering these techniques and using where fitting there may be ways to strengthen and increase interest.

Logline: Eugenia has a rude awakening

Essence: Eugenia and Tammy are not off to a good start after buddy across the way tricks her into taking Tammy’s bed.

Techniques: Suspense, surprise, betrayal

INT. WOMEN’S BUNKHOUSE – NIGHT

Eugenia is fast asleep under a thick quilt, head resting on a soft pillow. Her gear piled on the floor.

A door creaks open and we see booted feet step into the bunkhouse.

It’s Tammy. Even in the moonlight we see her staring, eyes narrowing. She does not look happy.

Suddenly Eugenia is dumped out of bed wearing only a tank and sleep shorts as Tammy roars–

TAMMY

What are you doing in my bed?

EUGENIA

Wha? Huh?

Eugenia fights her way back to an awake state and scrambles backward in the dark on all fours trying to get away. She whacks against table and chairs, knocks over a chair and pulls herself upright by the door.

Tammy is now visible in the moonlight streaming through the window. She’s furious.

TAMMY

That’s my bed!

EUGENIA

But I thought–

TAMMY

Just what we need, another golfurnaking slider!

As Tammy moves toward her, Eugenia lurches through the door, and–now awake enough to be angry–slams it behind her. The creek is bright under the moonlight.

Tammy opens the door.

TAMMY

You forgot something.

She flings Eugenia’s gear bag at her.

Eugenia catches it full force as the door slams shut. She stumbles backward into the creek. It’s icy cold and she gasps as she stands and retrieves her sopping gear bag.

The door opens again and her boots sail over her head and into the creek.

TAMMY

Stay outta my space!

EUGENIA

Where am I supposed to–

The door slams shut.

[Anita Daher]

Title: Anita Daher Profiles People

“What I’ve learned that is improving my
writing is….?

I can’t quite suss out this question with clarity—I may need more coffee—but if I am to ask myself how determining a character’s core traits will improve my writing, it is that not only will the story progress truthfully, but my characters have the potential to be much more interesting in choices and dialogue.

Person 1

Comedic

Outgoing

Good natured

Controlling

Person 2

Independent

Exuberant

Compassionate

Insecure

Person 3

Giving

Loving

Loyal

Obsessive

Person 4

Hard working

Friendly

Controlling

Stubborn

Interacted with one…results EXACTLY as expected, lol!

[Anita Daher]

Good morning! What I’ve ALSO learned is that I need to apply this exercise to every scene in my script before I move on to the next lesson!

Anita Daher Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is that looking and clarifying the essence in each scene to ensure it fits character traits and emotional arc strengthens the entire story.

Script: Coming Up Grimm

Scene 1 Location: (2^nd scene) Town road
Logline: Rebellious teen girl and best friend play a dangerous game.

Essence I’ve discovered: Eugenia will stand by her best friend even when she makes poor choices.

New Logline: Broken teen girl is loyal to best friend even when it means making poor choices.

Scene 2 Location: Eugenia’s brother’s kitchen

Logline: The morning after the night before, Eugenia endures a poor life choices lecture from her brother Darcy.

Essence I’ve discovered: Eugenia feels abandoned and rejected by her brother, and that this conversation is really about him not wanting her there.

New Logline: What begins as a brother to sister lecture ends in an argument with Eugenia accusing Darcy of getting away every chance he gets.

Scene 3 Location: Pool hall
Logline: Eugenia and Luda shoot pool and confront girls who take their table

Essence I’ve discovered: Luda shows a rare moment of being not in control.

New Logline: Eugenia is unsettled by her domineering friend and protector backing down from a confrontation.

Scene 4 Location: Side street
Logline: Cops take a report after the accident and Luda is loaded in an ambulance
Essence I’ve discovered: For perhaps the first time, Eugenia questions Luda’s controlling attitude toward her.

New Logline: As Luda is loaded in the ambulance after the accident, Eugenia is taken aback by her best friend’s apparent lack of trust in her.

Scene 5 Location: Courthouse
Logline: Eugenia and sister-in-law Jennifer say goodbye before Eugenia heads off with Noah to the Supervision program.

Essence I’ve discovered: Eugenia wears her abandonment like armour.

New Logline: As Eugenia says goodbye to her sister-in-law before beginning the supervised supervision program, she is bitter but also unsurprised that her brothers, her blood, aren’t there for her.

[Anita Daher]

Assignment 1

Anita Daher Finds the Essence

What I learned is that determining the essence of a scene helps you see how it feeds the through line of the entire story.

Script I chose:

Away From Her by Sarah Polley

Based on the short story “The Bear Came Over The Mountain” by Alice Munro

1.

Location (Scene 6): INT ANDERSSON’S KITCHEN – 6 JANUARY 2003 -NIGHT

Logline: Instead of confronting Fiona’s odd behavior, which may be an early sign of dementia, Grant covers up the behavior as if nothing happened.

Essence: Loved one conflicted and in denial. We ask ourselves how we would deal with the same or similar situation. We feel his pain and confusion.

2.

Location (Scene 47): 47 INT CAR – DECEMBER 2003-NIGHT

Logline: As Grant drives Fiona home after she became lost, Fiona brings up the subject of her entering a care home. Grant becomes irritated and says they aren’t yet at that stage.

Essence: Fiona is accepting of her deteriorating mental state, while Grant is still in denial.

3.

Location (Scene): 68: 68 INT MEADOWLAKE CHECK IN AREA -JANUARY 2004- MORNING

Logline: They arrive at the care home for Fiona to take up residence, and Fiona brushes off a long goodbye.

Essence: The sacrifice of great love. Fiona is being strong because Grant can’t be.

4.

Location (Scene 108): INT FIONA’S ROOM – MARCH 108 2004 -AFTERNOON

Logline: Despite signs of Fiona’s growing relationship with fellow resident Audrey, Grant tries unsuccessfully to anchor her in their marriage through past memories, and learns she prefers time with Aubrey because he doesn’t confuse her.

Essence: The life Grant and Fiona had together is finished, and he must accept that this new relationship, whatever it is, is the only one that is real to Fiona in this moment. We understand because he is in the same place mentally as her, a place Grant can’t fully understand because he isn’t experiencing this with her.

5.

My selection for most profound essence:

Location (Scene 113): INT MARIAN’S KITCHEN -FEBRUARY 2005 – MORNING

Logline: Grant asks Aubey’s wife to bring him back to the care home

Essence: This is the moment we see Grant has finally accepted Fiona’s Alzheimer’s, their the lives they had together are aver, and he must sacrifice his own happiness and ego for her.

Scene:

Grant sits nervously at Marian’s table. He is gearing up to say something. Not sure how to begin. He stirs his coffee, thinking. Marian watches him closely.

MARIAN

You’re not doing too well are you? No big surprise. What we’re dealing with here isn’t so easy. I thought I’d married someone who’d be there with me to the final stretch. And

I’m betting you thought the same. It didn’t work out that way. So. I think you came here for a reason. I’m the kind you can just say things flat out to. So shoot.

Grant takes a breath and then takes the plunge

GRANT

I’m wondering if you could consider taking Aubrey back to Meadowlake.

Maybe just one day a week for a visit? It’s only a drive of a few miles, it wouldn’t be too difficult would it?

He has an idea.

GRANT

Or…if you’d like to take the time off – I suppose I could take Aubrey out there myself. I wouldn’t mind at all.

This wasn’t part of what he had planned to say, and he’s rather dismayed to hear himself suggest it.

GRANT

I’m sure I could manage it. And I’m sure you could use a break.

While he talks she moves her closed lips and her hidden tongue as if she is trying to identify some dubious flavour. She gets up and gets some milk. Pours it into his coffee.

Goes back to the counter and grabs a plate of ginger cookies. They are perfectly round. She sets the plate down in front of him.

MARIAN

Homemade.

GRANT picks one up. Marvels at its perfect roundness.

GRANT

Really.

She pours milk into her coffee.Stirs it. GRANT waits in the interminable, awkward silence. Glances at AUBREY’s feet, visible through the door.

MARIAN

No. No I can’t do that. And the reason is, I’m not going to upset him.

GRANT

(earnest) Would it upset him?

MARIAN

Yes, it would. It would. Bringing him home and taking him back.

Bringing him home and taking him back, that’s just confusing him.

GRANT

But wouldn’t he understand that it was just a visit? Wouldn’t he get into the pattern of it?

MARIAN

He understands everything all right.

She says this as though he has just insulted AUBREY.

MARIAN

If I go to all that trouble I’d prefer to take him someplace that was more fun.It’d make more sense to take him to the mall where he could see kids and whatnot. If it didn’t make him sore about his own two grandsons he never gets to see. I’ve got to get him all ready and pack up his chair and maneuver him into the car, and he’s a big man, he’s not so easy to manage as you might think. All that and what for?

GRANT

But even if I agreed to do it? It’s true, you shouldn’t have the trouble.

MARIAN

(flat)

You couldn’t. You don’t know him. You couldn’t handle him. He wouldn’t stand for you doing for him. All that bother and what would he get out of it?

Grant considers saying something about Fiona. Decides not to. She gets up and fetches her cigarettes and lighter from the window above the sink.

MARIAN

You smoke?

GRANT

No, thanks.

MARIAN

Did you never? Or did you quit?

GRANT

Quit.

MARIAN

How long ago was that?

He thinks about it.

GRANT

Thirty years. No – more.

Grant’s mind wanders momentarily, remembering the circumstances in which he quit.

MARIAN

I’ve quit quitting.

She lights up.

MARIAN

Just made a resolution to quit quitting, that’s all.

She looks at him, sizing him up.

MARIAN

So your wife’s depressed? What’s your wife’s name? I forget.

GRANT

It’s Fiona.

[Anita Daher]

Hello, everyone! Sorry, had other deadlines this week and so am very late with this. I am trying to cut and paste, but it isn’t working. Will try another operating system.

[Anita Daher]

Hello, everyone!

My name is Anita Daher, a writer (and actor) in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. I am a long time children’s book writer, mostly young adult and juvenile novels, and have written just two screenplays (thus far) both adaptations of books. The first screenplay had some interest from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC). They had me adapt and pitch it as a series, but ultimately passed. Through this class I am hoping to sharpen and strengthen my second screenplay (adaptation of my 2020 young adult novel, You Don’t Have to Die in the End) before I begin shopping it to production companies. Something unique? Can’t think of a thing. Everything I’ve done has likely been done by someone else in this great wide world–though because I moved a lot from an early age I’ve had the opportunity to live in remote and gorgeous areas that not many have reason or opportunity to visit. So there’s that. I’m an early riser with a consistently overfull plate, many interests, and a mostly positive attitude.

[Anita Daher]

1. Anita Daher

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Anita Daher]

I agree!

[Anita Daher]

Thanks, Christi! Yes, that may help. Appreciated! I am working a couple of deadlines, but will read and comment on all soon. Probably next week. Great idea!

[Anita Daher]

I like this, Mike: “Nevertheless, if I profiled myself, I doubt I’d like the traits I display vs. the traits I wish I could.”

[Anita Daher]

Lovely! Nice to e-meet you, Christi!