[Ann Marie]

Anyone get any joy from the Forum ? I had to take a break due to other committments, but now I’m back to complete the course and I see week 4 is completely disappeared.

Anyone here? Has everyone left?

I hope you’re all really well and look forward to hearing from someone…anyone…hello?

[Ann Marie]

Hi everyone,

I took a hiatus for a while with this course, but now I see week 4 forum has completely disappeared? Does anyone know what happened, has there been a resolution?

I’ve just emailed Laree who I think is the system person – has everyone been moved to another forum?

Thanks and wishing everyone a very succesful 2023

Ann-Marie

[Ann Marie]

What I learned is that lead characters demand unique characterisation traits, dialogue and actions that make them lead characters. They must stand out from the crowd and engage and entertain for the duration of the story as they are the ones carrying the story. It forces the writer to dig deep to get those truly great lines and actions that are true to the character while also moving the story forward.

[Ann Marie]

This is a brilliant scene which opens with the lead female saying how glad she is that she never got involved with the male lead, because he would only ditch her to go polish his irons.

It is witty and also incisive, telling us the audiene what kind of character this guy is. The lead male is oblivious to any hurt he may have caused, telling her that he’s pretty sure the ladies enjoyed their time with him. What makes him so sure, she asks. Oh, because they had an orgasm? She then continues by insinuating a woman can fake an orgasm and gives stats as to why it is likely someone faked one with him. He is so full sure of his abilities that she lays down her fork and starts there and then, acting out a full on orgasm, from the opening ooh to the final Yes. It is hilarious and has a brilliant punchine, which all adds to the brilliance of the scene, but it is also extremely revealing about the two leads. He’s a bit of a dog and she’s a very savvy, unselfconscious, clever and witty female lead.

Through extremely imaginative dialogue, actions and wit, we learn so much about each of the lead characters, as well as being highly engaged and entertained.

This is the kind of witty scene in a romcom that would get lead actors lining up to play these parts, because the writing is brilliant and who wouldn’t want to fake an orgasm in a diner, if it comes to it?

[Ann Marie]

This is a very powerful scene which is the immediate aftermath of a plane crash. The camera focuses on Jack, the only man in a suit and tie who is walking /running towards the crash, the other people are scattered about running to and fro. Jack looks out for people in distress and when he first sees a man stuck under a pile of iron, he organizes a team to help lift him out, then makes a tournequet out of his tie.

When he sees a pregnant woman, he tells her she’ll be ok then commands another man take her of the fumes.

Jack is the person taking control, he is a natural leader, capable, efficient, able to give orders and people naturally obey him. He is someone the audience knows is worth watching as he will play an intrinsic part in helping this group survive. We are interested in following him.

Main characters must have something above and beyond what other characters have and regardless of genre, they must stand out from the crowd – through action,dialogue, circumstances – traits that make them unique and worth watching.

[Ann Marie]

The resolution scene in American Beauty sums up the life of the Protagonist metaphorically and literally and is a very powerful, satisfactory conclusion to a story about a man who has lost interest in everything in life and is looking for something new to experience. As he lies in a pool of his own blood, he realizes in those final seconds all the beautiful moments in his life and is so grateful for every single second of what he calls his stupid little life. This closing scene is in stark contrast to the opening scene of a man bored with life, who finds no joy in anything and who has lost any meaning or will to live. The resolution not only answers the opening scene (what is the purpose of my life) it shows us, the audience, the beauty, even if in the inconsequence of ones own existence, to appreciate every single moment because these are the moments that have true value in the end.

What I learned is that my resolution scene must resolve the main conflict of my story in an enlightened, imaginative and unconventional way, that satisfactorily answers all the questions raised in the story while leaving the audience with an elevated understanding of what it was I wanted to portray.

[Ann Marie]

What I learned is that the Climatic Scene must bring to a head the conflict that began and fuelled the story – and it must play out in the most dramatic way possible, which is true to the characters and makes complete sense to the world the story is set in.

The Climax here is in Court – which makes sense as the the conflict throughout is between Kaffee and Jessep who each represent ‘doing things by the book/the correct legal route’ versus ‘real-life in the army’ – it shows ultimately how Jessep believes he is above the law and some rookie wet behind the ears lawyer who never served in the army (or never broke the law) is not going to tell Jessep how things work. Jessep has become corrupted by his own sense of power and has lost all sense of the rights of the individual (Sandiago) . He believes he is above the law in every respect, in the name of defending his country, but he has become tainted, as power has corrupted his moral code.

Yet Jessep’s argument is poignant – I haven’t see the film but his argument about making America less safe appears relevant – he believes he had to do what he did, to protect the Nation – even if it meant bending the rules, killing someone in the name of Security. Is the Army accountable for atrocities? Of course it should be. But really, is it?

This climatic scene is the ultimate battle between the rights of the individual /the legal route and infallible Power (or the corrupting influence of Power – played out in a Court Case where the rookie Lawyer got the Colonel to finally confess to the truth.

[Ann Marie]

Get Out.

For Get Out (A film I haven’t seen) the first turning point is truly shocking and certainly brings the character Chris into another world, where everything he knew or believed up until this point has radically changed. He world has literally and metaphorically turned upside down and he can never go back to a point before this turning point, because reality has truly shifted for him. It is a very effective turning point because it is a complete twist to where the story was going (girl brings boy (of a different race) home to her wealthy eccentric parents, most of whom are white and middle aged or older.

As the mother turns her spoon, she brings Chris to a place in his childhood where he was traumatised and although he is a very savvy young man, he literally falls under her spell and finds himself trapped in a sub-world at the end of this scene. Talk about a twist and turning point, bringing the story in a whole new direction – now not only must he try and work out where he is, he must find a way to get out or he will be lost in this hellish limbo forever.

The second turning point, which I guess is the midpoint, is perhaps not as apparent to me, but it is a very intriguing scene, so I was curious that it was also called a turning point. We see the character meet another young black man, around his own age, with his arm draped around a middle aged white woman. All the crowd are intrigued to know if Chris sees being African American as either an advantage of a disadvantage and unable to answer such a provocative question in these surroundings, he turns to his fellow African American for an answer; as the young man appears to answer in a hypnotised/comatised/unusual manner, Chris takes a photo of him and the flash does something to him….suddenly his demeanor changes and he races towards the man, telling him to ‘Get Out’ It is a shocking scene and in hindsight, will appear more as a warning than an attack but it is quickly brushed off as a traumatic reaction to the flash. This young man later comes in and apologises, back in his semi-comatosed state. I guess Hal points this out as a MidPoint/Turning Point, which I can accept, as it is quite shocking and intriguing, lending more weight to the oddness of his situation and environment, yet rather than twisting the story in a new direction, it adds intrigue

(As i haven’t seen the film, the first turning point where he is in limbo, may have been easily explained away to Chris as him fainting, so this second MidPoint is now a warning to ‘Get Out’ – the creepiness of the place is beginning to close in on him…and it is therefore effective for it reeks of danger and otherlyness that is waiting for Chris.

The Third scene /third turning point has another big reveal and twist.

It is now very clear that he is in danger as members of the family approach him and will not allow him to leave the house. All the doors are locked and his only hope if for his girlfriend to find the front door keys. The brother takes a swipe, now putting him in real physical danger. It is the move he most feared, his suspicions were correct – they are after him, but to add extra spice to the sauce, the girlfriend who has been searching frantically in her bag for the keys to the front door, suddenly finds them and dangles them before her, telling Chris that of course, she cannot give him the keys.

They are all in it together, everything he believed is a lie, the one person he trusted is part of this horror show and just as things couldn’t get any worse, they do…. he is again trapped in this sub-conscious limbo with no way of getting out.

It is a great turning point because we the audience cannot see how he is gong to escape this one (I’ll have to watch the movie now).

Very effective turning points in keeping the audience engaged while introducing new levels of suspense and intrigue, forcing the main character to move forward as there is now no way back, that world is no longer an option and this new world must be battled/won/conquered before the character can be truly free.

[Ann Marie]

What I learned is that the inciting incident is a reflection of the overall story and for it to have true value, it must be intrinsic to the theme while also forcing the character to go a journey he/she needs to go on to become a more fulfilled person (whatever that means to each character as regards character traits, flaws/wounds etc)

The inciting incident here is that one person on a jury of 12 does not agree immediately with a guilty verdict and so the jury cannot just leave and go home (because there would not be a story), so it forces the characters including the protagonist, to go on this journey of discovery together and talk out the reasoning behind the actions of this 18 year old. The lone voter who does not immediately vote ‘guilty’ is a man of integrity, who is uncertain yet unable to judge a man’s guilt in under 5 minutes, even if the evidence shows otherwise. We learn from his dialogue and action that he is values life and understands the importance of this verdict, morei important than catching that ball game – which says a lot about other jury members. This inciting incident highlights the difference (and importance) between one lone person and the group think. We are intrigued as we are already invested in the outcome of the journey, will the others convince him to find the defendant guilty or, now that he has succeeded in stopping the gulity verdict, will the discussions that follow give us more of an understanding of the events that happened and will it also convince us to look at things a little deeper than what is immediate apparent. It is an intriguing moral condundrum.

Already the conflict is evident in the different characters. Each of the men have their own unique viewpoint/lack of care/flippancy/prejudice/ignorance and the promise of unravelling each man’s prejudices/viewpoints while learning more about the boy’s actions sets the tone for the film, also offering a unique perspective on the potential flaws and strengths of our judicial system.

From a writing scene pov, it is both a masterclass in character study and creating an inciting incident that is the heartbeat of the story.

Looking for such profound yet simple inciting incidents is key to creating a masterful script which both reflects what the story is about, thrusts the character/s into place/s where there is no way back but forwards on a journey that will bring them closer to the truth from both without and within.

[Ann Marie]

This is one of the most fast paced introductions I have seen and have no wonder why it launched a billion dollar franchise. It opens with dramatic action which doesn’t stop for a breath right up until the final shot of the scene, it’s what you might call, explosive.

A set up intro to the main character, Joker, has everyone talking about him as they perform the bank heist – doubling up on the action, not a milisecond of screentime wasted here. They all look like jokers (clowns), but he’s the one who wears make-up.

The plan is audacious, unscrupulous, dastardly clever -he has his crew killing each other – they’re all greedy mercenaries with no loyalty so they in turn die, an interesting morality – and he turns out to be amongst them at the raid – a clever joker who is way ahead of everyone else and takes no prisoners.

the dialogue is intriguing- the clowns talking about this joker, trying to undercut him, thinks he’s not so clever, (how wrong they are) the bank manager remembering a time when criminals were ‘honest’ – ha ha. it’s tongue in cheek in a brutal way and from the opening frame to the final ‘bomb in the mouth’ – promises to be a roller coaster of non-stop, dastardly clever entertainment. This joker is unstoppable, a worthy opponent to the great BatMan. What a scene and who wouldn’t want to blow up a banker with a grenade in the mouth, if it comes to that. No civilian died, only the greedy clowns and the bank manager protecting his loot, as he delivers a warning that the joker has no idea who he’s dealing with. (we guess he does tho and living into the future, we’re sure as heck going to keep watching to find out).

This scene is crammed with character revealing action and dialogue, twisted morality, non-stop action, explosive entertainment, intrigue as to who this joker is and what is he up to, imaginative pranks, all taking place in the opening minutes. who wouldn’t want to continue watching. What a masterly action scene.

What I learned – for an action film, it has to be top grade because that’s what audiences are used to. Same with drama, comedy, horror – – you have to be top of your game to play this tune.

[Ann Marie]

Hi Cheryl

I signed up for the Mastering Scene class but I am seeing this class instead.

[Ann Marie]

Hi everyone, I hope you all had a good break – I’m only back to this now –

Joan, Bob, how did you see My cousin Vinny? are you going to week 4 instead of week 3?

I’m a bit confused here, thanks for your help

Ann Marie

[Ann Marie]

any luck getting in touch? I emailed Cheryl yesterday to let her know. I’m tempted to mark as complete and move on…but i’d also like to see the ‘putting the characters to the test’ lesson… what say you peeps? 🙂

[Ann Marie]

I’m wondering is there a post missing as the only lesson for Day 1 that I see is ‘Character Journey’ – the Proposal. I don’t see Putting the Character to the test – My Cousin Vinny.

Anyone else see the same thing 🙂

[Ann Marie]

I wrote a scene where the two characters meet for the first time. It is still sketchy, but I wrote it with more awareness as to introducing attraction, wounds, secrets, hinting at intrigue, which made the scene more focused and with an intro the future moment. It was a scene I didn’t realise had to be written, as I had the characters already established as having an affair, but I pulled back into time to create their initial meeting and realise this is better.

[Ann Marie]

These are great characters because they are both complex, talented and wounded people, each with a gift that alone, may come to nothing, but together could change their worlds and the greater world of music, if they allow themselves to overcome their fears. (I haven’t seen the movie so I’m going by what the scene shows me). They are ‘right characters’ that are vulnerable, one lacking in self esteem but very talented as a songwriter and singer, the other who lost his way but knows talent when he hears it. This creates a great dynamic, engaging the audience in their future relationship, both on stage and off. We are invested in their success and wish and hope they can find love and happiness in each other, as we recognise the difficulties they face – she seems vulnerable, she wants to express her emotions for him but is afraid of being hurt. He is jaded, yet he is hearing a voice that speaks to his soul. She can read him and he recognises her huge talent.

Jack’s wound, he is lost, alone, empty, searching for something in life that he needs but doesn’t know what it is – he tries to fill this empty void, but it just will not fill.

Ally – she lacks confidence, an inability to take a compliment (dismissing it by referring to the peas), she is vulnerable, possibly hurt before in love as she tentatively tells Jack she is falling.

Insight – to create attraction between two characters, it is very rewarding if each character has a trait or need that compliments / can fulfil the other. If their living into the future moments can be created by fulfilling/overcoming their fears, it creates an engaging and very satisfying love interest for the audience.

[Ann Marie]

what i learned was that a scene which i had only thought of as one character dropping in on the other two, suddenly offered a lot of opportunity in this triangular relationship, to build intrigue, subtext, hinting at past history and living into the future moments in a more focused nuanced way. It became a more important and revealing scene than I had first thought it was.

[Ann Marie]

These characters are great from a writing perspective because they create a very engaging relational triangle of intrigue, we have two “right together’ characters in Danny and Tess, with Danny returning for Tess, who is wounded by Danny’s lying and stealing and ending up in prison. This tells us much about their relationship, their separation was not of their choosing but was due to Danny’s roguishness. Terry, the third character, arrives late, does not make Tess laugh, but is rich, successful, powerful, all knowing (he knows everything – or does he?) and appears to be impenetrable – a worthy opponent to Danny. He has stolen from Danny, (Tess) , will Danny steal her back from him? Each characters’ objectives bounce around the triangle, Terry wants to know what Danny is doing, Danny wants Tess, Danny does not want Tess to be with Terry, Tess is with Terry but mirrors Danny, with the characters creating an expectation of intrigue into their future.

Insight / breakthrough –

when you put characters in a relationship triangle, whether it is a romantic triangle or not, there are great opportunities to reveal past histories, character traits, power struggles, worthy opponents, creating engaging exchanges and living into the future moments.

I particularly liked Liz’s insights

[Ann Marie]

I re-wrote a scene with the power struggle more focused on the theme of the overall story, which was a breakthrough as a result of the ‘power struggle’ lesson- before this lesson, i had the power struggle merely between boss and employee who didn’t like each other, but now it feeds into the theme and definitely brought more focus to the scene.

[Ann Marie]

These characters are great from a writing perspective because the writer has pitched the All American against his coach, with both characters having both similar and opposing traits – the Coach (self-assuredness, colour-blind, wit, focus) and the student (self-assuredness colour-privileged, racist, a mummy’s boy/bully, focus), when pitted together, create a scene that goes from tense power demand from the student to sheepish retreat in a few exchanges. The coach not only exerts his authority on the student, but shows the whole audience who’s in charge, including the student’s parents, using wit (jerry lewis) a commanding metaphor (who is your daddy?) and an order (straighten your tie) The insight I gained here is that when you know your characters, giving each traits that are opposing (racist privilege vs authority and wit), you can create a scene that is entertaining, insightful and has the exact opposite to the expectation first set up in the scene. The wit and self confidence diffuses the racist tension – and creates a very colourful into the future scenario on the bus/playing field. We the audience are excited to see how this all plays out, great writing, great character studies.

Insight/Breakthrough – examine the character traits of each of my characters I am putting against each other, duplicate /oppose some, create a scene where one character has an expectation of the result and completely turn it on it’s head by the other characters’ entertaining / creative put downs. It’s a great outcome for a power struggle. And this may seem obvious, but I also realised there is no point in having a power struggle between two characters in the story unless that power struggle is directly related to the core of the story – which was interesting to discover and helped me focus on two characters where there was a power struggle, it gave me the insight to really focus on what the struggle is really about…which is what the story is about….- possibly as a result of Joan’s description of the drama above, thanks Joan 🙂

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Ann Marie.

[Ann Marie]

Hi, thanks Joan and Mi

My email is shinemedia88@gmail.com 🙂
Ann Marie

[Ann Marie]

At the moment, this video is also unavailable to me – I dont know if Mi has the same problem? If anyone knows the link and can post it here, I’d really appreciate it, thanks. 🙂 Ann Marie

[Ann Marie]

At first, I didn’t think I had a worthy opponent relationship, but then discovered one in my script, which on discovery, made complete sense and was quite glaring, but I hadn’t seen it like that before. – it’s not a main relationship but it was a great discovery to find it was a relationship of worthy opponents. The insights I got from watching the Tombstone scene gave my scene and dialogue focus and tools to show these two are worthy opponents (mirroring, ascerbic wit). This exercise created a new scene in my script that otherwise may not have been discovered and it turned out to be quite a pivotal scene. Great, thanks!

[Ann Marie]

Both of these characters are really great characters from a writing perspective because in this one scene alone, we learn so much about who they are, their past, their similarities and their differences and above all, we learn they are both fast gunslingers who will meet in the future (living in the future) to perhaps slug it out and at this point, we have no idea who is the better gun. One is wounded and is healing it with drink, he has a sense of humour too and can remain calm when threatened with a gun in his face. He sees himself in Ringo and then wonders if he should hate him. It’s a very interesting dialogue and insight into his character and makes us the audience interested in knowing more about him. Both speak Latin, which is unusual for two gun slingers. They speak a language, metaphorically and literally, that the others in the bar are clueless about. It’s an intriguing relationship that has quickly developed by having these two meet, both have heard of each other but have never met before. Doc sees Ringo in himself, but Doc has humour and is entertaining, in sharp contrast to the intensity of RIngo . Doc Holliday is observant of RIngo, he is mimicking Ringo, in his gestures, his eye movements, his absurdity of the threat of the mug.

We the audience, have the expectation that we will be meeting these two characters into their future and already we know it’s going to be exciting and entertaining and from the way the writer slung that mug around, will have a lot of surprises. The writer has drawn complex characters that are worthy opponents, with idiosyncratic traits that make them great to watch. We are already emotionally invested in their next meeting and even wonder if they could perhaps become friends, instead. (I haven’t seen the movie)

[Ann Marie]

(Thanks Cheryl)

These are two great characters from a writing perspective and the scene itself is a brilliant example of showing how two characters belongs together, using motifs like mirroring actions, emotions and using dialogue to express a connection between them.

Seabiscuit is an unruly horse, considered crazy by most. Red is also unruly, challenging anyone to try and take him on. Both are spirited and will not be controlled.

As Seabiscuit is surrounded by men trying to contain him, so also is Red, surrounded by men trying to get the better of him. Both showing an unstoppable spirit, will not be defeated or conform.

When the trainer looks from Seabiscuit to Red, we can see what he’s thinking…these two are alike….I wonder would it work….setting up a future for them together, a future that we the audience are invested in, curious to know, hopeful that it may work. This is great writing, getting the audience emotionally interested in the outcome of putting these two characters together. We are already invested in their relationship and they haven’t yet met…..so the expectation of their meeting is high.

The first jockey approaching Seabiscuit is arrogant, he thinks he’s ‘got it’ but he doesn’t at all.

Whereas Red stands outside Seabiscuits stall, sizing Seabiscuit up in his mind, listening to his frustrations, he understands his anger.

When he meets Seabiscuit, he tells him he’s not afraid of him, that he knows all about him..which, in the subtext, implies he feels the same feelings as Seabiscuit because they are kindred spirits. Seabiscuit feels it too… someone who understands him, because (I’m guessing) they’ve been through similar ordeals.

The writing uses many of the processes Hal has given us, wounds, the right characters, liginv into the future, belonging together, building relationships that makes these great characters be in a great scene.

I particularly liked Mi’s and Bob’s insights.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Ann Marie.

[Ann Marie]

Learning that is it important to show clues that characters belong together was very insightful as it gave more focus to my scene in terms of dialogue and wounds. I particularly liked Joan’s insights from earlier.

[Ann Marie]

At the moment, I am unable to view the video as it is unavailable to me for some reason, so after reading everyone’s insights, I’ll hopefully get to view the scene, it sounds great. If anyone has a youtube clip of it they could post, I’d appreciate it

Thanks, Ann Marie

[Ann Marie]

They are great characters from a writing perspective because they both appear lonely, which is a great starting point because it gives an arc to a story that could have a happy ending – a very relatable and pleasing ending for an audience. He has a son but his son has rang into a ‘lonely hearts’ type of radio show, so his son recognises his father’s loneliness, while she’s driving alone into the night, listening to a lonely hearts show. They are both empathetic, unselfish people, he cares deeply for his son and his need for a mother, also for his wife, who we gather has died – while she is touched when he says his wife made Christmas beautiful. -she can relate to this, by the look in her eyes. Initially she is skeptical of the show but when she mirrors his exact words and sentiment, he grabs her attention and makes her smile – they share a sense of humour, a bond in the darkness. The writing sparkles by showing these two lonely characters mirroring each others words, humour, lonely predicament and an empathetic outlook.

I particularly liked Joan’s concise insights – by doing only 3 things, we know they belong together.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Ann Marie.

[Ann Marie]

Hi Robert,

My email is shinemedia88@gmail.com – it was 2am last night when you were only starting so I have a bit of a time lapse…if you want to email your scene and I can email mine to you?

Thanks, Ann Marie

[Ann Marie]

These are great characters from a writing perspective because – for Will, his wounds, his past of neglect and his hangup of being ‘on the other side of town’ is preventing him from being emotionally honest with Skyler, which is exactly what Skyler needs – emotional honesty. Will’s fear of abandonment is dominating any potential love connection, as he constantly puts obstacles in his way, obstacles that do not exist, only in his mind…what if you decide you don’t want to be with me – you don’t want to hear about my horrible upbringing (when in fact she does) and Skyler, by trying to get closer to him, by trying to get him to open up, innocently saying ‘i do want to hear, i want to ‘help you’ triggers Will’s feelings of being broken, inadequate, ‘do i have a ‘save-me’ badge on my back’. He can’t allow himself to believe someone really cares for him, because no one ever did and that hurt, then. He’s blocking future hurt.

Will is unable to be open for fear of being hurt and abandoned. He is a contradiction – when Skyler first asks him to tell her he doesn’t love her, he replies ‘i didn’t say that’ but then, when she gives him the trigger (unknowingly), a way out of potential pain by offering him to say he doesn’t love her and she’ll leave him alone, he then tells her he doesn’t love her.

They are both wounded and both bring about the potential pain early on rather than having to live in fear of feeling it later (Skyler admits she is afraid but is going to take the chance, Will is not ready to face future pain so he’l suffer this pain now of leaving )

they are great characters from a writing perspective because we the audience, know they feel the opposite of what they are saying, but because of their wounds, they cannot (Will more so) be emotionally honest and take that chance at love. We can all relate to this and we root for them, for love, that they will make it over their obstacles – it’s a great dramatic scene because it leaves us wondering and hoping that Will realises he is living in fear not love, which is the only place to live.

I particularly liked Robert’s insights 🙂

[Ann Marie]

What I learned rewriting my scene/character

I learned that one of my main characters has a secret which she decided to reveal to the other main character at a crucial time, which changed the dynamics of the scene, giving it a lot more depth and reason, both from giving one character a concise backstory (told in a sentence) which will also both provide a clue and a misdirection at the same time, while also placing the other main character in more of a crisis that he was before this lesson!

It improved the scene enormously and it also taught me to provide secrets to all the characters’ lives, these secrets may never have to be revealed, they may be inconsequential or huge, but they help build dimension into each character. Thanks Hal & Cheryl!

[Ann Marie]

What makes the character of Kate great from a writing perspective:

On the surface, Kate appears to be a normal, attractive young woman, but she’s described as ‘dangerous’, someone who must be stopped. Why? Her past reveals a dark secret, which has come to the surface, she has killed a man. What makes this great as a character is that it offers dramatic depth, intrigue to a character, through providing a mysterious reason for killing a man, as an audience we are naturally curious as to what drove this young woman to kill a man she helped into a house (we can guess but don’t yet know), so we are invested in her past – we are also invested in her future, as she has two love interests, one who is a very upright person who’s job is to save lives, so when he discovers the woman he loves has taken a life, what consequences will this have for their future – so this character has created in us, the audience, and interest in knowing both her past and her future, we are emotionally invested in what happens to her. that’s what makes her a great character, in my opinion.

[Ann Marie]

what i learned from rewriting my character:

From this exercise, I was a lot more aware of contrasts and complimentary traits in my characters, which heightened the dialogue in the scene I wrote – what one character lacks, the other can provide (without being so obvious about it)….it definitely helped define my characters further and why each character is in my story.

[Ann Marie]

insights/breakthroughs into what makes this character great from a writing perspectiv:

We first meet Junah practicising his swing in the black of night. He is tight lipped, frustrated, discontent, throws one club away, tries another. He is defeated before he gets started – he knows he’s lost his swing, he takes no pleasure in anything but to find the damn swing. His whole approach is wrong….but he cant see this…. This is a great character from a writing perspective because he has a losing mentality, he is too rigid, fixated on the result but not getting there because of his attitude. He will never get there with this attitude and from his stubbornness, may have never got there until he met a man of opposites – Bagger.

Along ambles Bagger, enjoying God’s glories of the night, a man seemingly without a care in the world – a complete contrast to Junah – the complete opposite, with a ‘zen’ approach to life, who also happens to be expert at golf analysis.

Bagger is also a great character from a writing perspective because he has a lot of knowledge to impart and the knowledge he has, besides golf, is also about life. ‘a man’s grip on the club is like a man’s grip on life’. As an audience, we want to know what Bagger knows because it will make us more wise to the ways of life – and we also know that Bagger’s relaxed approach is exactly what uptight, damaged Junah needs. Bagger has his own troubles but they haven’t damaged him. And just like that, once Junah has tested Bagger with his golf skills, he opens to listen and swings his best swing yet. Also, Bagger repeated his exact problem back to him’ you lost your swing ‘ so we know from a writing perspecitve, that there is an opportunity, through Bagger, to help Junah get his swing back and win the competition and from an audience perspective, it feels like it’s going to be a fun and worthwhile journey getting there.

What I learned..

Insights I gained from the above is to have the potential to introduce a character that mirrors the opposite of my character’s more negative traits – to offer a ‘teacher’ a guide, someone whose personality exactly compliments my character’s wounded traits. It has given me a deeper insight into my secondary character, offering more reason to the traits I attribute them. I haven’t rewritten a scene yet with this in mind, but it is now in my mind and helps define with more precision my characters’ traits and complimentary character traits.

[Ann Marie]

what makes Sarah Conors great from a writing perspective is :

When we first meet her in this scene, she is naieve to the world she is about to enter and she doesn’t appear to have any of the traits needed to survive this world – she is squeamish, she doesn’t see herself as organised, she doubts herself and her abilities and she even doubts that her future self could be a leader, someone who would inspire a man to lead a revolution – so Sarah is a character that exhibits traits that we as an audience can relate to, self doubting, doesn’t see herself as a hero… so we are while emotionally invested in her journey which will be hugely transformative if she goes from this young naieve woman to a highly organised military combatant and mother teaching her son the ways of war. Her initial apparent fragility (freezing cold, self doubts) connects us emotionally with her path that she will have to walk, even if she didn’t choose it. We are invested in her future success, which makes her a great character.

What I learned from this is to examine the transformational journey I am taking my character on and look closely at how their character traits are depicted at the opening of the story, to show they are both capable of and tested by the journey awaiting them. I rewrote the first introductory scene with this in mind, which was a big breakthrough as I had to examine how far my character has come (at the end) to write the opening scenes to show how far away they first were, if that makes sense.

What I learned rewriting my scene/character… is

[Ann Marie]

Ann Marie Brennan

I‘ll do the class privately

(Apologies to class but I know myself and I cant focus on even reading others’ writing /giving feedback when I’m immersed in a script)

[Ann Marie]

1. Ann Marie Brennan

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Ann Marie]

Greetings from Dublin Ireland.

My name is Ann Marie Brennan and I am a director and screenwriter.

I’ve written about 4 or 5 feature scripts at various levels of draftmanship (and craftmanship!)

I studied film and have worked as a director and writer for stage and screen – I also edit and am currently editing a feature documentary I made.

I was a finalist in the Edinburgh Comedy festival where I performed as a stand-up comedian

I am looking forward to acquiring the skills and methods from this course to bring my scripts to a higher level of professionalism and saleability.

[Ann Marie]

What I learned is that when I first identify the primary traits of my main characters, I can then create dramatic scenes that gives my characters the opportunity to show these traits in trigger/deliver scenarios. This was quite revelatory to me – when writing scenes as I had only thought of writing scenes in terms of plot tactics, rather than character reveals.

Trigger/deliver actions gives more purpose to each scene and I found it absolutely brilliant. I created an opening scene where my main character’s dialogue and actions were purely driven by her character traits.

[Ann Marie]

Hello writers and fellow U’s

My name is Ann Marie Brennan. I’m writing this in Dublin, Ireland. I always find it tricky to label myself, but if pushed, I’d call myself a director/writer.

I’ve directed 2 short films, (I wrote one of them) and a feature drama/documentary, which I also wrote, all of which were aired on Irish TV . (I’ve an imdb profile)

I took a masters degree in Screenwriting in Ireland’s Film school quite a few years ago. I’ve been on/off writing and am only coming back to it now after a break of about 5 years.

Something about me….I had a piece of footage in Ridley Scott produced ‘Life in a Day 2020’ which is on Youtube, where you can see me in the kitchen of my family home (it’s the funeral wake of my uncle) and I just discovered Ridley Scott has made ‘Napoleon’, which is apparently a masterpiece – and I’ve had a script I wrote about Napoleon in my bottom drawer for over 10 years now. Ouch. But what can ya do….

I used to also be a stand up comedian, so I’m quite keen on comedy and have a good ‘nose’ for it…ahem (no its not red)

What I am hoping to get and am getting already from Hal & Cheryl’s classes is: the discipline to get back writing, great tips and methods to sharpen my skills, make my storytelling a lot better and my scripts saleable.

[Ann Marie]

First viewing –

Will’s traits

– reserved, stands back and let’s his friend chat up the girls

– loyal – steps in when his friend is getting hassled

– ‘wicked smart’ – probably has a photographic memory

– calm – takes an insult and laughs at it

– not afraid to fight – offers to take it outside if necessary

– not much respect for eduction – can get it for a dollar in the library

-philosphical – tells the guy what he’ll think in 50 years

Chuckie traits –

Sociable – easily chats up the girls

Easy going – doesn’t mind the girls laughing at him standing there, uses it as an opportunity

self-deprecating – isn’t afraid to look a bit stupid

non-confrontational – doesn’t react to the guy coming up to him aggressively

can tell harmless lies- not afraid to bend the truth

not proud or aggressive- lets will step in to finish his sentence

Skyler

Easy going – doesn’t mind Chuckie’s chat up line she doesn’t believe

Speaks her mind – tells the guy to get lost

not afraid – she doesn’t appear to be afraid of anyone

Insight

Scene set-up : flirtation about the history class lie allows for an

1. an altercation with a real history student which shows the traits of each character while also exhibiting Will’s brilliant mind/photographic (?)

Breakthrough – create a scenario in my scenes, particularly the early ones, that will allow the main traits of my characters to be acted out – create conflict that causes them to act out their nature.

[Ann Marie]

Ann-Marie’s reveals:

What I Iearned:

Reveals are a great way to surprise the audience while also giving key information about character and/or plot. Something under the surface is discovered, perhaps a deep part of character is revealed, or an underlying mystery or intrigue has been discovered in an interesting and dramatic way, creating a very satisfying emotional response in the audience. Reveals are only effective if they are delivered in a dramatic way. The way to create great reveals is to start by covering them up, then create a demand through MIS whereby each reveal is discovered in a way that has maximum impact.

As I began this exercise, I initially thought I had only a few reveals but as I worked through it, I realised that i have more than I initially thought. This assignment really made me think about story and as I was doing it, I also discovered one character had a secret I didn’t realise she had. I also discovered certain scenes which are important for reveals, were not in the initial map, so this assignment gave me more story development as I thought about the impact of my reveals. I also learned that I can and should pace my reveals and scenes to deliver a bigger impact – for example, breaking down what I thought was one reveal, into 2 separate reveals, paced the story better and with higher impact.

I would like to work more on these reveals, rather than post what I have at present, as I find the assignment very rewarding but need more time to consider how best to present the reveals – As I have 2 major reveals, I dont want to list them haphazardly as a list, so I will take more time with the next few assignments as I spend more time now on story development, using reveals, clue trails and misdirection. Hope this is ok!

[Ann Marie]

What I learned doing this assignment is that twists hugely increase the thriller aspect of each scene, keeping people guessing. Twists can be set up in two ways : starting with a “reality” and finding a way to twist it, or starting with a “twist” to reveal the reality. There are many types of twists and the list provided by Hal is very helpful to create plot twists. By thinking in terms of introducing twists, the plot become more layered, revealing more about the characters and creating new actions to change direction. It was a very useful exercise, thank you.

OPENING:

We meet ANJELICA auditioning as the role of a dancer at a Club.

Twist 1 –This is a fake persona

We meet the hero DAN at the Club. Anjelica tries to seduce him. He rejects her, tells her he is married. To Sadie. Anjelica slips her hand in his pocket and removes a car

Twist 2

Dan is not married to Sadie

Mystery 1 – Why did she take something from Dan?

INCITING INCIDENT:

One of the dancers is stabbed on the street on her way home.

Mystery 2 – Who killed the girl?

Dan returns to his house. A ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign hangs on a bedroom door. He goes into another bedroom

Twist 3 – Alison was not asleep in the room

We meet Alison, Dan’s wife. We meet their daughter. Breakfast as normal. TV reports news of the murder. Dan freezes, no one else notices. He is distracted.

Alison hands Dan his new prescription on his way out. He thanks her.

Mystery 2 – Why did Dan lie about being married to Sadie?

Twist 4 – His prescription is a placebo.

Dan contacts Sadie. He tells her not to talk to the police about their relationship.

Mystery 3- What has Dan to hide? Did he kill the woman? It makes him look guilty

Twist 5 – Dan is trying to protect Alison from being hurt

Alison is launching her book about Family Law. She is asked what is the key to a successful marriage. She says they have a very honest, open relationship – they talk about everything

Twist 6 – This is ever less true than it first appears

TURNING POINT 1:

Dan becomes a suspect for the murder.

Detectives call to Dan’s house. Dan’s secret life is revealed. But he lies about the affair

Twist 6 – His secret life is revealed, but he’s not the only one with a secret life.

Alison becomes Dan’s legal support. She believes in his innocence

Twist 8 – Alison is the danger.

Dan tries to protect Sadie from her ex boyfriend. He used to beat her up. He calls the police to get a restraining order.

Twist 9– the police tell Sadie she’s getting the wrong restraining order.

Twist 10 –He would never hurt Sadie.

Alison prepares a dinner for Dan. She wants to start again. She seduces him in a dirty dancing way. He rejects her, he’s never been what she wanted. He wants a divorce. She pleads, goes quite mad in grief. He’s never seen her like this. Dan leaves, very disturbed.

Dan is losing control. He actions are erratic. He almost kills a pedestrian. He drives to a pier and contemplates suicide

Twist 11- he is not going insane. His medication is not working.

MIDPOINT

There is a second murder. Another dancer from the Club.

Dan calls to Sadie late, very disturbed. He falls apart. Sadie is worried.

Police pound on Sadie’s apartment, looking for Dan. Sadie swears he was with her all night. (she’s lying). They bring them both in for questioning. Sadie sticks to her alibi.

Twist 12 – we know she’s lying to protect Dan. This does not protect her.

The police put a trace on Dan, but he is followed at all times.

Dan is put on suspended leave from work.

Dan is doubting himself. He is getting episodes. To the police, he’s looking like a guilty man,

Twist 11 again – his medication is not working (he doesn’t know this is why he is feeling confused)

Anjeclica calls to Sadie’s apartment.

She stabs Sadie. Anjelica is the murderer

Twist 12- Anjelica is a fake persona.

Angelica texts Dan from Sadie’s phone, telling him she can no longer life for him. He scares her. She never wants to see him again.

Twist 13 – we know this is not from Sadie.

Dan calls Sadie, no answer. He goes beserk. The police are watching him get erratic. He jumps into his car and drives like crazy. They chase after him.

TURNING POINT 2: Major setback. The lowest of the low.

Dan reaches Sadie’s apartment block and enters with a code. The police are behind, but they don’t have the code. Dan races up to the apartment as the police keep buzzing below.

Dan is found over the dead body of Sadie, the woman he loves

Dan is arrested and charged with Sadie’s murder.

Twist 14 – We know Anjelica killed Sadie.

Dan is arrested. He has one phonecall. He calls his wife Alison.

Dan’s medication is taken from him, for tests. He is promised it will be returned.

Alison meets Dan and tells him to speak to no one unless she’s present.

He watches her being interviewed on TV, relishing in the attention.

Police return his medication

Twist 15– Dan’s medication is just sugarpills. He’s confused.

Detective goes to the Club looking for Anjelica Courcao. Where is she? The phone number is out of order. He goes to the address given. No one there has ever heard of Anjelica. They check video footage going back months. Anjelica Courcao leaves the apt building. Where does she live?

They track down the owner. Sure, she rented the place for 6 months. Paid cash in advance. Upfront, no questions asked.

He calls Det H. They talk. He remembers Sadie talking about Anjelica.

He calls Detective Hanly. He asks Anjelica’s name. In full. Angel Heart. Alison’s favourite movie.

Twist 16– Dan is not working with Det. Hanly

Alison tells Dan she’s applied for bail but he wont get it, unfortunately.

Dan is released on bail., much to the shock of Alison. She hides it. The media are all over the story. He is housebound, with Alison. Police outside.

Detective Hanly calls on Prof Huckleberry. He finds out Alison blackmailed him for Top of the Class Award.

Det. Hanly calls Alison to the station. He asks her about Prof Huckleberry. Alison says he was a pervert. She starts telling Det. Hanly she’s worried for her safety and their daughter. She can no longer represent her husband. She doesn’t want him in their home. She abandons him.

Det. Hanly leaves her alone. He calls Dan. Is there any evidence? Just an audio of learning Portuguese, that’s not enough. He’s running out of time, she’s abandoning the case, Dan will have to leave the home.

Dan asks the detective to send over a package. Hanly sends the female detective out to buy the goods. It is delivered to Dan’s house before Alison returns.

CLIMAX: The ultimate expression of the main conflict.

Dan has one trick up his sleeve. He has told Niamh to go stay with her friend for a few days.

Dan sets Alison up – what would get Alison to attack him. He plays up to her narcissism.

He seduces her, they play a game. A sex game….Dan produces the package. It is Anjelica Courcau’s disguise. He plays up to her narcissism.

CLIMAX: The ultimate expression of the main conflict.

Alison tries to murder Dan

TWIST – Anjelica is revealed to be Alison

RESOLUTION: The end of the journey in an emotionally satisfying way.

Alison is put behind bars, where she will remain for the remainder of her life. She is no longer in control. She can no longer have negative control over their daughter. Dan has lost Sadie but he is resolved to build a better life for himself and Nelly. He no longer feels a failure.

[Ann Marie]

Ann-Marie Brennan’s Thriller Plot

What I have learnt is that by first creating the structure with actions for the main points (inciting incident, turning points etc), it really forced me to look at my story, to discover where these structural actions were was a real insight into the strength and sequencing of the action, of what is needed and what is missing. Adding the three MIS sequences layered the structure and the plot suddenly seemed to be coming together. It is still sketchy…but a lot better than it was, thank you!

Opening –

. Anjelica Courcao being “interviewed” as a dancer at a men only Club

Mystery 1 – Who is Anjelica Courcao

. We meet HERO DAN in the Club. Anjelica approaches, he rejects her. He only has eyes for SADIE. An altercation occurs and he is thrown out of the club.

Inciting Incident

.One of the dancers is stabbed on her way home from the Club

Mystery – Did Dan murder the dancer?

. We meet Alison Dunbar, Dan’s wife. We meet their daughter. On the news over breakfast, the murder of the girl is reported. Dan freezes. No one else notices.

. Dan calls Sadie. She is hysterical. He calms her, tells her not to talk to the police about him.

Escalating danger for Dan

. We meet Detectives H&B at the scene of the crime. They go to the Club and interview the Manager. They look around, get a list of all cards used, punters etc.

Turning Point 1

Detectives call to Dan’s house. Alison is a leading Attorney and Author in Family Law. Detectives interview Dan under Alison’s supervision.

Dan is a suspect. Alison stands by him, will act as his legal aid.

Dan goes to the police, confesses his affair with Sadie. Wanted to tell Alison first.

Dan experiences an *episode* — like before. He takes more pills. He’s worried he’s losing it.

Dan confronts Sadie’s neighbour, he’s a drug dealer. Dan becomes a target.

Alison wants to fix their marriage. She seduces Dan, practically rapes him. He tells her he wants a divorce. He leaves.

Dan drives erratically. He almost kills a pedestrian. He drives to the sea, there’s a pier. He’s getting another episode. He can hear voices in his head. He contemplates suicide.

A dancer leaves the Club. She walks along a canal. She is approached by Anjelica.. Anjelica stabs her, drops the car she took from Dan’s pocket, walks off.

Dan goes to Sadie.

Detectives find the body. They find the card, send it for analysis.

Detectives pound on Sadie’s apartment. They call both Dan and Sadie in. They are questioned separately. Sadie is warned against seeing Dan. She refuses. Sadie lies, gives Dan an alibi saying he was with her. They let them both go, but put a trace on Dan, at all times.

Dan leaves Sadie to return home. He’s getting his things and moving out. He tells Sadie to stay in her apartment where she will be safe.

Sadie gets a call from Anjelica. She is below. Sadie buzzes her up. Anjelica kills Sadie. She then uses Sadie’s phone to text Dan -it’s over. She doesn’t believe in him. Anjelica puts the phone in Sadie’s hand and leaves.

Dan reacts, tries calling. No answer. He races across town in his car. He is being followed. Car chase. Dan is hallucinating.

MIDPOINT

Dan enters Sadie’s apartment building before the police. They dont have a code. He races to Sadie’s apartment, the door is open. The police try buzzing neighbours to enter.

Dan finds Sadie dead on the floor. He kneels down beside her. The police find him over the body. He is arrested for Sadie’s murder.

Alison is his attorney. She orders him to say nothing without her permission.

Dan is brought to the Station and stripped. He hands over his medication – they’ll give it back but they need to test it.

The Press are in a frenzy – Dan watches Alison interviewed outside, on the TV news. She basks in the attention.

The Detective calls to Dan, without Alison’s permission. The detective brings medication. He’s told him his medication was a phoney. Dan can’t believe it.

Dan speaks to him- he mentions this new dancer, Anjelica.

Detective looks up footage – sees Anjelica enter the building.

Detective tells Dan his medication is just a placebo. He was off his prescription.

Detective goes looking for Anjelica- there’s no trace. She’s disappeared. The address she gave is a deserted warehouse.

Detective traces Alison’s history in College, top of her class. He visits his old professor – learns that Alison blackmailed him to get Top of her Year. She was a Grade A student but not top. He also sees her in the drama Society -.

TURNING POINT TWO

Dan calls Detective. He asks him to look up the meaning of the name Anjelica Courcao. It’s a Portuguese name, it means Angel Heart. Alison’s favourite movie. They begin to realise Alison is Anjelica Courcao. But how to prove it?

Alison has applied for bail for Dan but tells him he won’t get it. Dan is let out on Bail. Alison cant belive it, the Press interview her, she is fake delighted. He cannot leave his house. He is alone with Alison. Alison watches Dan at all times, he is never alone.

Detective asks Alison to call to the Station. This gives Dan time to search the house.

CLIMAX

Alison as Anjelica attacks Dan. She is clearly deranged. Dan traps her.

RESOLUTION

Alison is arrrested. The Press are everywhere.

Dan walks away with his daughter, ready to start to rebuild a new life together.

.

[Ann Marie]

sorry – I have no idea why this <font > stuff appears in my post.

It is not in the text that I copy and paste into this reply. It just appears once published.

It might be handy to be able to delete posts and repost them? I’m embarassed by the ugliness of the posts with all that programming stuff in it – dont know why it has started to appear for my posts, it didn’t before now. Sorry about that!

[Ann Marie]

Ann-Marie Brennan – Create your Life Threatening Sequence.

What I learned is :

that the way to make a Thriller thrilling is to put the Hero in escalating levels of danger as the story progresses. I also learned that danger comes from many different sources (Hal’s list of sources is great) and creating danger in many forms and from various sources – these different sources builds layers into the story and also into the character. I also learned that previous to starting this course, I did not have enough mystery in my story, nor did I have enough danger. With this exercise, I discovered my Hero was on medication for schizophrenia and that Sadie lived in an apartment block with dangerous drug dealer neighbours. Thank you.

What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>The villain’s plan is to frame her husband for murders she commits, to murder his mistress and to keep him (she will act as his Attorney after he is jailed) until his death they do part.</font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>How this puts the Hero in danger – </font>

Sequence those dangers in order and make a list like the one I did for Basic Instinct above<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>
</font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>1. He is on medication for diagnosed schizophrenia. He hasn’t had an episode in over four years. </font>Alison changes his prescription to a different drug (placebo) This spirals into a series of dangerous situations for the Hero –

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>Off his medication – </font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>a. he starts to have episodes which frighten him as he looses control -</font>

b. he drives crazily, almost killing a pedestrian and himself

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>c. he starts doubting his innocence, maybe he did murder those women?</font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>d. he begins to believe he is a danger to Sadie, maybe even to his daughter ?
</font>

e. he feels he could murder Alison<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>
</font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>f. he contemplates suicide as he feels he no longer has control over himself.</font>

What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain?

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>g. He attracts unwanted attention from a group of drug-dealers who live in the apartment building that Sadie lives in – because they threaten Sadie and he does something that they retaliate with -a threat, or a near miss attack</font>

From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for this story.

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>Threats – from drug dealers living in the same apartment block as Sadie</font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>Physical Danger – when Alison switches his medication, his driving is erratic, he almost kills a person and himself</font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>Closeness to the villain- he doesn’t realise he is living with the murderer</font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>He is trapped by her plan</font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>Danger to someone he knows – he starts to doubt himself and believes he could be a danger to Sadie</font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>Danger to himself- with his medication altered, he starts to experience schizophrenic episodes – this scares him as he is losing control</font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>He starts to doubt himself, doubt his innocence.</font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>This leads him to believe he could be a danger to Sadie, even</font> to his daughter Nelly?

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>His hatred for Alison scares him. Could he be capable of murdering her?</font>

He contemplates suicide

[Ann Marie]

firstly, apologies for the font type inclusions in the above. Secondly, i may need to rethink the mysteries, as I have just listed the villain’s cover ups which I thought were mysteries, but now i think they’re not. I dont know if I have enough mysteries in the story….but onward!

Who murdered these women?

Why are these women being targetted?

Who is Anjelica Coracoa?

[Ann Marie]

Ann-Marie Brennan Mystery Sequence

What I learned doing this exercise. – firstly, I learned that a mystery is really a secret that is not known, a secret is actually a cover up by the villain, so the mysteries (for the audience) are actually the villain’s covering-up of their secrets. This simplifies how to create mystery, by discovering what secrets the villain has and then finding creative ways to cover them up.

I also learned that the more secrets the villain has to hide, the more cover ups they have to do, which create and drive plot. Knowing this my story became more layered.

1. What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?

The big secret that Alison (the Villain) is covering up is that she is the murderer

The big secret often points to other secrets that need to be covered.

2. How many ways can they cover that secret? Those become the mysteries. Make a list of your main mysteries (cover ups) that must be solved to discover the final secret.

1. Alison must cover up that she is the murderer

2. She must cover up that she is framing Dan

3. She also has to have alibis for the murders

4. She must cover up that she had no knowledge of Dan’s affair

(which would connect her to the club and to Sadie)

5. She wants to cover up that her marriage is far from perfect

6. She must cover up her reputation is not as squeaky clean as she leads people to believe :

7. She thought it long hidden that she got awarded Top Law Student at her College by blackmailing the head with photos of him having sex with her

8. She must hide that she is fluent in Portuguese, having taught herself in the last few months

9. She must cover up that she is Anjelica Coracao, from Brazil ( who started work at the club 2 weeks before the murders)

3. The first mystery must engage the hero into solving it

–> He is the prime suspect in the murders of these young women

RED HERRING – Aljelica Coracao

4. Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one. Include ONE Red Herring mystery if you can.

The sequence of solving the mysteries will be backwards. All the mysteries seem like realities up to the point where the Villain achieves her main goal – to kill the mistress and frame Dan. She does this and thinks she’s succeeded:

From this point on, the mysteries will unravel, unknown to Alison. Dan will secretly work with the Detective to find out who really killed the women.

Sequence of unravelling the Mysteries :

Create a mystery chain for each main mystery:

Who is Anjelica Coracao?

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>a. </font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>Dan is arrested and charged. He knows he is innocent, no one else believes him. Now he’s determined to find Sadie’s killer. </font>

b.

Dan is in prison and Alison (his wife) acts as his attorney. She orders him not to speak to anyone without her being present. Dan agrees.

c.

Alison meets the Press outside, she loves the attention.<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>
</font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>d. </font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>Detective Hanly calls to see Dan. Dan agrees to speak to him.</font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>Dan mentions the dancer Anjelica, who recently befriended Sadie. He remembers Sadie mentioning Anjelica was going to call that day. </font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>e.</font>

Detective <font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>Hanly goes to the Club. Anjelica only started a few weeks back. No sign of her now. They’ve no address, just a number. People come and go. He calls the number, no answer. </font>She has disappeared, no trace.

f.

Det. Hanly returns to jail. Tells Dan there’s no trace of Anjelica Coracao. She must have got scared and left. Dan thinks isn’t that odd? How can anyone disappear?

g.

Alison tells Dan she’s applied for Bail but he hasn’t a chance. She kisses Dan, delighted they’ll make it through this, she promises. It could be the making of them. He nods. (inside, he shivers)

Dan watches on TV as Alison is surrounded by Press, relishing all the attention. He watches her, he knows her fake authenticity, she says she will not stop defending him, she knows he is not a killer.. Something in her eyes makes him think.

h.

Dan calls Det. Hanly, he’s got something to tell him. He asks him does he speak Portuguese?

i.

Det. Hanly meets Dan. Dan confesses their marriage was a sham. He couldn’t admit it until now, was loyal to Alison. All for her show. Alison never loved Dan. They slept in separate bedrooms, she had a ‘do not disturb’ sign permanently on the handle. Dan asks Hanly to look up the what the name Coracao means in English. Hanly does. Heart? So what. Her name is Anjelica Coracao. Angel Heart. So what? That’s Alison’s favourite movie.

Hanly thinks about this. What are you saying?

Alison is Angelica Coracao?

The plot for Alison starts unwinding now.

7. Alison’s Student Days

1. Det Hanly visits Prof Huckney at his home. He discovers the Prof had a very brief affair with Alison, which she photographed and threatened to send to his wife unless she got Top of the Class. She was a good student but she wanted to be Top. Nothing else. Hanly realises Alison would have sex with and then blackmail her Professor to get what she wants. What else would she do?

2. In the College, he looks through records and finds she was in the Dram Soc. Played Lady Macbeth. The reviews were great.

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>Proof needed to connect Alison to Anjelica</font>

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>Dan is given bail – as long as he remains in his own home. Guards will be outside. Alison is furious but manages to hide it. To the Press, she’s of course delighted he got bail. The Press are furious he’s out. </font>

Dan returns home and meets his daughter Nelly. They have a good heart to heart. Alison insists on staying with Dan at all times.

Det. Hanly calls Alison. He needs her to come down to the Station. She insists he come to the house, but he insists she leave.

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif”>When Alison leaves, Dan searches everywhere for anything that might lead to a clue….he finds a dictaphone with a course on Portuguese. I..gh. ….there will be more…i’ll continue but post this to move onto the next assignment.</font>

[Ann Marie]

Ann-Marie Brennan Day 5 – The Villain’s Plan

What i have learned from doing this exercise-

The end goal of the Villain is what will drive the story. The villain’s plot is in place before the story begins. We are as surprised as the hero to be caught up in the villain’s plot. For my story, I want the villain to be the (anti) hero and get away with her tightly wound plot, but the villain will pay the consequences in a different way… by being bound to someone else who will keep her secret. It’s corruption in the legal system, at the highest levels. I do not know if this will work or if Dan and the detectives have to work it out how he was framed. I know I need to flesh it out more, but I am posting so I don’t fall behind in the exercise. Alison as the villain will not be revealed until the second murder. Up until then, she is seen as a cheated-on wife who will professionally help protect her husband as she knows the Law inside out.

1. What is the end goal

The end goal for Alison (the Villain) is to keep her husband with her for the rest of his life, whatever that means. He is having an affair and she knows he is shortly going to ask for a divorce, so she will do whatever it takes to make sure he cannot leave her.

2. How can the Villain accomplish this in a devious way.

She is going to frame him for 3 murders, the 3rd murder will be the mistress. She is going to set Dan up so that even he begins to doubt himself.

Dan Dunbar does not know his wife is aware he is having an affair with a dancer. Alison knows everything about Dan. Alison has thought this out. Firstly, Alison will stab to death a random dancer at the club, the same night Dan goes to the club. She knows he will become a suspect. Then, she will stab a second girl and leave Dan’s DNA at the scene, something that Dan just cannot explain away but his affair will explain the DNA. Dan will know he is not the murderer but no one else will believe him. Alison will stand by him. The Press will begin buzzing around at this stage, if not sooner. She will use this too.

Alison’s coup d’etat will be the third murder- Dan’s woman Sadie. This is Alison’s main object, the other two murders are merely decoys, but they will tighten the bind. Alison will call to Sadie’s apartment for a face talk. Sadie will be shocked but will let her in. Alison will stab her, text Dan from Sadie’s phone that she is going to leave him, some nicely inventive text. This will get him running to her. And Alison will make sure the police are right behind him. When the police find Dan crying over Sadie’s bloodied body, they will arrest him for her murder. He will profess his innocence but who will believe him. He will call Alison, the only person who truly believes he could never do such a thing. And she will swear in public that she will spend the remainder of her life, as long as it takes, trying to clear his name. They will be bound together in the eyes of the Law, a new marriage, a bind that never breaks.

3. How will she cover it up

When the first girl is found dead, detectives will call to Alison’s house, wanting to speak to Dan. They will see Dan confess to Alison that he is having an affair, because he was at the Club the night the girl was killed, but he will swear didn’t kill her. The detectives will see Alison’s shocked reaction. She is an Attorney General. She is beyond reproach. She will professionally advise Dan, although she is hurt. She will stand by her man. She will work on the detectives to make sure they believe her, of course they’ll believe her, her reputation is without question.

She is immediately the wronged party. They will see how she handles news of Dan’s seedy affair, yet how she professionally stands by her husband.

For the second murder, she will place DNA of Dan at the scene, something oblique that will in no way lead back to her. A business card from the club that she found in Dan’s pocket. How careless of him, this told her everything, but it will also have his DNA on it. This will give the detectives evidence that directly links Dan to the place of the murder, it will make him the main suspect but not enough to arrest him. She knows the law.

Alison knows the detectives will call Sadie in, advise her against seeing Dan. This will also work to her advantage.

For the third murder, Sadie’s murder, she will first call to Sadie’s apartment herself, obviously in disguise, then lead Dan to Sadie’s apartment by sending him a text from Sadie’s phone, something that will make him angry, race to her. The police will follow him and they will get there just in time to see Dan stopped over dead Sadie. They will arrest him immediately and he will be charged. He will be given one call. Alison.

Only Alison will believe he is innocent. She will defend him to the bitter end.

4. Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible –

1. We meet Dan in a Mens Club where he meets dancer Sadie. They are having an affair. Dan punches a man who is ignorant to Sadie and is thrown out by a bouncer.

2. A young dancer leaves the club. and walks down the empty streets, alone. Someone bumps into her and when she turns, a knife is plunged into her stomach.

3. Dan arrives back at his large house and outside a bedroom, hangs a ‘ do not disturb’ sign. He sleeps in a spare room. His wife Alison knocks on his door the next morning, asking what time he got in at. On the news, report of a murder of a young woman. Dan freezes, recognising the woman from the club. It is not Sadie. He secretly phones Sadie, who tells him the police want to question her. He tells her to say nothing about him, until he can think.

4. Detectives call to his house and Alison answers. She is a big name in legal circles. Dan has to confess to Alison he’s having an affair, but he didn’t kill anyone. She takes control of the interview as a barrister, tells Dan exactly how to behave.

5. Dan meets Sadie, who is upset about lying to the police. Dan says he’ll make it all right, he’ll make everything all right.

6. Dan goes to the detective and tells him he’s having an affair, he’s in love with Sadie and wanted to tell Alison first before telling them. The detectives find him unlikeable.

7. Alison has a candlelit romantic dinner laid out and asks Dan to carve. He tells her he wants a divorce, that’s what they both want, he knows he doesn’t make her happy. Alison is seductive, she wants him to look at her like he used to. She practically rapes him to try and keep him. He is a weak man, she is powerful. He leaves, telling her he’s sorry. Alison gets the knife Dan used for carving and rinses the blood off the blade, then wraps it in plastic. She retrieves a card from Dan’s coat pocket and puts it in plastic. She dresses and leaves.

8. A young girl walks along the canal. Alison approaches again from behind. She plunges a knife into the girl. As she leaves, she takes the card out of the plastic and drops it in the distance.

9. The detectives find the card and send it for examination. Dan is called in for questioning, as is Sadie. They are questioned separately. Sadie is warned to stay away from Dan, but she knows he’s not a killer. They are let go, for now. But a tail is put on Dan.

10. Dan is losing it at work. Media reports the husband of the top Attorney was held for questioning. He is told to take time off.

11. Alison calls to Sadie, unannounced. Sadie invites her in. Alison talks with her, keeping her gloves on. Sadie is in awe of Alison, so elegant and successful. Alison stabs Sadie with the knife from dinner. She gets Sadie’s phone and texts Dan that it is all too much for her, she doesn’t believe in him anymore. It’s over. Alison slips out, unseen.

12. Dan is followed by the detectives. When he gets Sadie’s text, he frantically calls her. There’s no answer. He gets into his car and speeds off towards her apartment. The detectives follow him. A chase.

13. Dan reaches the apt and lets himself in with a code. He rushes up in the lift. The detectives are behind but they are locked out. They start buzzing doors to try and get in. Dan reaches the apartment, the door is open. Inside, he finds Sadie on the ground, dead with a blade in her. He kneels. The police find him there and he is arrested for her murder.

He phones his wife, Alison. He needs her now like never before.

14. The news is all over the place, dignified Alison along with her daughter Nelly (whom she promised her time would come in the spotlight) vows to stand by husband, a good father. She knows he would never kill, it’s not in his nature. The killer is still out there and Alison will spend as long as it takes to find him.

[Ann Marie]

Ann-Marie Brennan SOTL Stacking Suspense

Things I learned from doing this exercise that will help me write stronger thrillers are:

There is nothing superfluous in any of the scenes, in terms of the action, dialogue, plot, setting, that does not add a combination of at least 2 of the 3 MIS traits – mystery, intrigue, suspense, to both plot and character. I didn’t realise how much MIS was involved in character until doing both exercises. Every sentence of my future thriller scripts will be analysed with this in mind.

SOTL was a very elaborate plot which had 2 serial killers – talk about stacking right there!

It’s quite a long film yet keeps you watching because there is so much intrigue and suspense… and the character of Hannibal is deeply embedded in MIS, whereas Buffalo Bill is less intricately drawn but more terrifying in a way.

The edit of that knocking on the door, when the FBI surrounded the house where ‘Buffalo Bill lives’ in Chicago, sending Clarice off on more mundane work to Mrs Lipman’s, was genius. Suspense to the very end, with the close up of Bill on the floor, you could see his throat breathing, I did wonder was he going to throw out an arm and grab her by the leg. Thankfully no.

I also learned that Hannibal has quite a good sense of humour and can pull off a blonde wig. I also didn’t realise he’s quite short.

[Ann Marie]

Day 4 Assignment 1 – Basic Instinct Ann-Marie Brennan’s BI Stacking Suspense

What I learned watching Basic Instinct scene by scene:

The main thing I learned is that every scene is built on creating suspense, intrigue and mystery in the story , the characters and the world they inhabit, with absolutely nothing extraneous (dialogue, action) that doesn’t add to at least 2 of these three characteristics.

Also, the little things are big things in terms of character depth and development –

a. Nick gives up smoking. Catherine offers him a cigarette – a simple way to get to him – through his weakness/addiction . Suddenly Nick is chain smoking, a very easy visual to see how Catherine is getting into his head.

b. Nick – Catherine calls him Nickie – -2 letters reveal a lot –Nickie was what Nick’s wife called him (I’m not sure what happened to her?) – this shows she has studied him, how she’s getting closer to him physically and psychologically

c. The tiny imperceptible things become more poignant when looked at a second time. Once you know Beth is the killer, her tiny outbursts add more intrigue and make sense. Her facial reaction (but it is not shown in close up) when the other psychologist says “you’re dealing with an extremely dangerous person”

d. It was a perfectly structured Red Herring with Catherine, even so far as to how similiar the Hero and suspect Villain are pitched. Even when he was interrogated exactly like Catherine, lighting the cigarette and repeating Catherine’s retort about getting arrested for smoking. ( His uncrossing of his legs would have been funny …sorry an un-necessary aside 🙂

I also didn’t realise how good an actor Sharon Stone actually was in this movie.

[Ann Marie]

Day 3

What I learned doing this assignment is that my Hero is more an Everyman and although that’s the way I’d like to keep him, it goes against the conventions of a Thriller… as I dont want him to succeed in the end, which also goes against the conventions of the thriller, so rather than pause and stare at a blank page, I’m going to draw my Hero character in a new way and see what happens with him.

Concept – A cheating husband is the prime suspect in a series of murders of young women and the only person who can prove his innocence is his brilliant and hugely respected Attorney General Wife.

Big Mystery – who is killing these young women and why

Big Intrigue – the person who is seen as the victim, cheated on by her husband and who now stands loyally by his side to defend his good name, is actually the perpetrator of the crimes

Big Suspense – Will Dan (the hero) lose everything, his life (in prison), his true love (Sadie), his daughter or can he prove himself innocent, against the best Legal Mind in the country.

The Intriguing World of the untouchable Law Society and the Underworld of Vice, lap dancing and lonely hearts

HERO – Dan Dunbar

Mystery of Dan – Is Dan a killer? Is his religious beliefs causing him to breakdown?

Intrigue – Dan is seen as a bore, a nobody, a joke but he’s been living a secret life with a good woman who loves him for who he is

Suspense – will he realise the person he trusts with his life is actually his adversary. Will he manage to escape to that new life with the love of his life?

Villain – Alison Dunbar

Mystery – She has always been brilliant and perfect at what she does. Why does her marriage not work?

Intrigue – outwardly she is brilliant, a highly respected person beyond reproach but only she knows the covert narcissist that lives deep inside her, who will stop at nothing to make everything in her life remain perfect.

Suspense – will she get away with murder and fool the whole nation watching as she stands loyally by her cheating, murderous husband,

[Ann Marie]

What I learned doing this assignment is that it forces me to have a clear understanding of what the conventions of a thriller mean, in terms of my story. It certainly makes me re-look at my hero and villain and question can I do what I would to do with this story? (I dont know yet! )

BOUND – Logline

A cheating husband Dan DUNBAR finds himself the main suspect in a series of murders of young women . The only person who can prove his innocence is his brilliantly successful Attorney General Wife ALISON DUNBAR.

What are the conventions of your story

Unwitting but resourceful Hero

Deeply religious, kindhearted, married DAN DUNBAR has played by the book all his life. The one time he “sinned” by falling in love with a good woman SADIE, he finds himself the main suspect in a series of murders of young women who work at the place as Sadie.

Dangerous Villain

ALISON DUNBAR the beautiful, successful Attorney General, and mother to shy teenager DAISY but also the covert narcissist who will stop at nothing to make sure her husband keeps his marriage vows.

High Stakes

Dan finds himself the main suspect in a series of murders of young women who work at the same place where he met SADIE, a good woman who loves him. Will Dan be found guilty of the murders? Will Sadie be murdered next? Is it God’s fate to punish him for his infidelities?

Life and Death Situations

Dan is looking at life in prison. Sadie is the one person who knows he is innocent. When she is murdered and the police find Dan leaning over her body, murder weapon in his hand, he is arrested and charged for all the murders. The only person who can help him now is his wife, who swears by his innocence and vows to spend the rest of her life trying to clear his good name.

This story is thrilling because the story builds on suspense, intrigue and mystery as it takes unexpected twists and turns to reveal a viillain with an exceptional plan which appears to be, like the villain herself, perfect. But is it?

2

Big Mystery – who is the killer of these young women and why are they being killed

Big Intrigue – A highly successful Attorney General, beyond reproach, wife, loving mother and covert narcissist will not allow a cheating husband to break their marriage vows and make her look bad in public, even if it means killing a few ‘loose’ women and framing him for the murders.

Big Suspense – Will Dan prove his innocence of will Alison outwit him having the full sympathy of the Public on her side?

[Ann Marie]

Sorry – I forgot to name the movie – Gone Girl

[Ann Marie]

What I learned doing this assignment is that Suspense and Intrigue are in every scene of this hugely successful Thriller, with the plot ratcheting up the stakes against the Hero right until the very end. The movie is half way over before we discover who the Hero and Villain as and the plot is woven in such a way that Nick, the hero, could well be the villain. We do not know until Amy, the villain, reveals her true self half way through. Then, it becomes even more intriguing to see where she, the villain, is prepared to go to get her revenge on a man who no longer loved her. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

NICK DUNNE is the unwitting but Resourceful Hero.

AMY EILLIOT DUNNE, his wife, is the dangerous Villain

The stakes are high as the Hero, Nick, quickly finds himself the main suspect in the disappearance of his wife Amy. The stakes increase as the possible murder weapon is found and Nick is arrested and charged with her murder. The death penalty is the ultimate price he could pay, unless he can prove he did not kill Amy.

The movie is thrilling because of the many twists and turns the movie makes, constantly surprising us with new nuggets of information which make us rethink what we thought we knew about Nick and Amy. The initial white picket fence lifestyle of the supposedly loving couple is quickly shattered as we find that neither Nick nor his sister can stand his wife Amy. When we discover he has been having an affair with a young student, even his sister begins to wonder if he had something to do with Amy’s disappearance, which has now been elevated to murder. With the voiceover of Amy writing in her diary, she gives more background to their marriage and we are not sure who to believe. Just when we are beginning to think Nick is indeed the bad guy, the story takes a complete about turn and we now hear from Amy. From then onwards, we begin to see what a crazy, vindictive and relentless villain she really is, willing to knock herself out with a hammer and sacrifice a man who has done nothing but help her to compete her plan. The thrills continue to the end as we wonder how the movie will end, will Nick be done for killing his wife and when she returns, will Amy kill him. The movie keeps us guessing until the very end, and further still.

3. The Big Mystery – what has happened to Amy. Did Nick kill Amy? When we discover Amy is not dead, the mystery becomes more intricate, how will the story end.

The Big Intrigue – Amy, a loving beautiful wife and perfect daughter has set up her own disappearance and potential murder in order to frame her husband Nick to punish him for having an affair and for disappointing her by not loving her until death.

The Big Suspense – there are many big suspenses and I’m not sure which is the biggest, is it what happened to Amy?

I found this a hugely suspenseful movie as it was almost impossible to know how it would end, particularly when Amy decided to return to Nick. Where could the movie go from here?

[Ann Marie]

Ann-Marie Brennan, agree to the terms of this release form :

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Ann Marie]

Dia duibh, as we say in Ireland. Hello there, I’m Ann Marie and I’m a few things. As a comedian, I was always questioning myself, what will I do with myself, what will I be, until i realised that to be, you do… dobeedobeedo.

I’m also a director and scriptwriter, I’ve directed/written a few things on Irish TV and I’ve written a few features, different genres (comedy, thriller, historical drama)

I’m hoping to get the polish, the sheen, the winning edge from Hal and Cheryl. I love Hal’s classes, they’re really on point and cut out a lot of dribbling.

I’m a bit late to the classes as I’ve been editing a documentary I’ve been making for the last number of years… I suppose the one thing that’s unique about me is that there’s no one like me.

[Ann Marie]

True Bob, no rush coming up to the Season to be jolly : )

[Ann Marie]

Thanks Mi 🙂

[Ann Marie]

Hi Robert,

Yes, that sounds good! How do we proceed?

Thanks,
Ann Marie

[Ann Marie]

Ann-Marie Brennan Trust Relationships

What I learned doing this assignment is that playing with both trust and mistrust and perceptions of trust and mistrust between the characters and the audience is a great way of adding intrigue and suspense. By asking 3 questions:- 1. each character’s basic state of trustable or not, 2. how might they be trustable but appear not and vice versa and 3. how might someone’s loyalty change, this can reveal character traits that may change under certain circumstances and reveal new possibilities for each character.

I also discovered that my trust/mistrust relationships do not swing over and back throughout, but make one sweeping change from Trust to Mistrust or Mistrust to Trust. Also, I have set up my main character to be untrustworthy and my villain to be trustworthy all the way to the midpoint. As there is a big reversal at midpoint, this does not change back and forth throughout but changes from Trust to Mistrust.

I found this exercise very interesting but a little daunting to articulate, as my plot does not have trust issues changing over and back, but going from a full trust to a mistrust, due to a big reveal. I’m not quite sure what this means – I have a lot of twists in my story but not many changes in trust issues. I’m not sure of the impact of this on my story.

1. Make a list of the main characters.

Basic States:

Hero – Dan – Isn’t trusted but should be

Villain – Alison – Trusted but shouldn’t be

Red Herring Anjelica – Trusted but shouldn’t be

Det. Hanly – Not trusted but should be

<font color=”#343434″ face=”Helvetica”>Dan/Alison (Hero /Villain)</font>

T: Dan arrives back late. Alison is in the other room. Dan trusts Alison (he’s the cheat)

T: Alison gives Dan his medication.

T: Detectives call and Dan confesses to Alison he’s been secretly going to a Club.

T: Dan is a suspect and Alison stands by him.

T: Dan sneaks about with Sadie, Alison has no idea (from Dan’s POV)

T: Dan tells Alison they should get a divorce, he never made her happy. She is very upset.

M: Dan/Dan – Dan is beginning to doubt his own mind

T: Dan is found over Sadie’s dead body, he calls Alison.

M: Dan hands in his medication for testing. It is a placebo. He begins to doubt Alison.

M: Dan finds out Anjelica’s surname.

M: Dan is out on bail. He pretends to Alison he still trusts her, but he no longer does.

M: Dan sets up Alison, again pretending to trust her but does not.

Dan/Anjelica Courcao (Hero/Red-herring)

T: Dan meets Anjelica. He rejects her advances

M: Anjelica takes something from Dan’s coat.

T: Anjelica befriends Sadie, Dan’s lover. Dan is happy Sadie has a friend.

M Anjelica kills the second girl

T: Anjelica calls to Sadie

M: Anjelica kills Sadie

M: Dan discovers Anjelica’s real name (this is a big twist as Anjelica is a fake persona)

OPENING

We meet (Red Herring) Anjelica “auditioning” as a dancer for a men’s club. She is dark and seductive. She gets the job and is told to interact with customers.

Twist 1 – Anjelica is a fake persona (we do not find this out until a lot further into the story)

We meet Hero Dan in a men’s Club. He is confronted by Anjelica but rejects her. He tells Anjelica he is married to dancer Sadie. Anjelica removes something from Dan’s pocket

Mystery 1 – what did Anjelica remove and why?

Sadie’s very jealous ex, Terry, turns up at the Club. Dan gets him thrown out.

Terry threatens Dan.

INCITING INCIDENT- A girl from the Club is stabbed on her way home from work.

Mystery 2 – who killed the girl? And why?

Dan arrives late to his house, photos of wife Alison and daughter. Alison has a ‘do not disturb’ sign hanging outside their bedroom door. He sleeps in another room.

Twist 2 – Dan is not married to Sadie. He is now established as a very untrustworthy character.

Mystery 3 – Did Dan kill the girl?

Suspense – why did Dan lie about being married to Sadie?

Twist 3. Alison was not in her bedroom at this time (this is revealed a lot later)

Next morning, the TV reports the murder of a girl from the Club. Dan freezes, but hides his reaction from Alison and his daughter. He secretly calls Sadie and tells her not to mention his name to the police.

Mystery 4 – what has Dan to hide from the police?

Alison has collected Dan’s medication and reminds him to take it. She doesn’t want him going off the rails again. She also reminds him about her book launch, she’d like him there, by her side. He agrees, of course.

Twist 4 – Alison has replaced his medication with a placebo (we do not discover this until a lot later)

Dan calls over to Sadie. He uses a PIN Code to enter the building. *this is important later. The police questioned Sadie and she is afraid she got Dan in trouble. Dan tells her it’s time for everything to be out in the open.

Suspense- what is Dan going to do?

Alison has a book launch, Media and the Law. She is a very successful Barrister/Attorney and the media love her (beautiful, great career, great marriage). Dan appears, late. Alison is not too happy with him. Media ask her the secret to their marriage, she says Honesty and Communication is key. She looks over at Dan. Dan looks a little ashamed.

Twist 5 – Dan is the one with honesty issues, but so also is Alison (we do not know this until later)

Detectives call to Dan’s house to question him about the dancer. Dan confesses to Alison about going to the Club. He denies knowing anyone called Sadie. Alison stands by him, tells him to say nothing, she’ll represent him.

Alison appears trustworthy . Dan appears untrustworthy.

Suspense – why did Dan lie about Sadie?

Twist 5a – Dan lied about Sadie to the detectives because he wanted to tell Alison himself first, in private, for her dignity. She already knew (we don’t know this until a lot later)

TURNING POINT ONE

Dan becomes a suspect in the murder of the dancer.

Dan is established as a cheat and a liar.

Suspense- Will Dan be charged with the murder? Can Alison help him? Did he do it?

Dan tries to tell Alison he does know Sadie and that he loves her. Alison smashes a vase, refusing to listen. Their daughter appears and Alison says Dan has to clean up the mess he’s made. Alison tells Dan they’ll talk another time, hasn’t she had enough for one day?

Suspense – will Dan leave Alison? Will their marriage fail?

Twist 6 – Alison appears the hurt victim, but we find out later it’s the opposite.

Terry is waiting outside Sadie’s apartment. Dan arrives and Terry beats him up. He tells him this is just a message, to leave Sadie alone or he’ll be sorry. Dan is not a fighter.

Suspense – Will this threat of violence make Dan stop seeing Sadie?

Sadie tells Dan she told the Police about their relationship. Dan tells her it’s ok, it had to come out in the open.

Dan goes to see Detective Hanly. Dan tells Hanly about Sadie, he loves her. He lied because he wanted to first tell Alison, for her dignity. Det. Hanly asks him which lie is he to believe now?

Suspense – Is Dan telling the truth?

Twist 7 – Dan lied to protect Alison. Alison already knew (we don’t know this until later)

Twist 8- Dan trying to protect Alison is making him look more like a liar.

Sadie, with Dan, asks Det Hanly for a restraining order against Terry. Det Hanly wonders if she should get another restraining order against Dan?

Twist 9 – Dan would never hurt Sadie

Alison is ready to talk to Dan about his affair. She has prepared a romantic dinner. She is dressed to kill. She gets him to carve

Twist 10 (this knife will be the knife used to kill Sadie)

Alison tries to seduce Dan. She wants him back, to look at her like he used to . She undresses for him, like a dancer at the Club, is this what he likes? Dan drinks, his vision is getting distorted, he is very unhinged. Alison does all she can to seduce him. She believes in them. Dan tries to leave, Alison starts mocking him, is he really sure he didn’t kill that girl? She knows how to make him doubt himself, is he getting blackouts again? She begs him to try again, but he says he doesn’t make her happy. He leaves, very disjointed. Alison is extremely upset.

Twist 11 – he is disjointed because his medication is not working.

Dan drives aimlessly, he begins to get distorted visions, blurred memories of fire. Sounds of his parents, telling him to run, to get out. He thinks he sees Sadie walking, swerves almost knocking a pedestrian. He pulls in and sits, holding his head.

A girl walks alone on a dark street near the Club. Someone bumps into her and when she turns, a knife plunges into her stomach. The girl drops.

Mystery – Did Dan kill this girl?

Dan arrives at Sadie’s apartment, late, dishevelled, in a terrible state. He tells her he had a blackout. They’ve started again. The blackouts and voices have started again. He’s beginning to doubt himself. Sadie is worried for him but she’ll stand by him.

Suspense – Is Sadie safe?

MIDPOINT

Police knock on Sadie’s door. They enter, looking for Dan. Dan and Sadie are brought to the station and questioned separately. Sadie gives Dan an alibi, tells the police he was with her all night. They feel she’s lying, she denies it. They warn her he could be a killer. She knows he’s not. They have to let them go, because of Sadie’s alibi. But Dan is now being followed at all times.

Suspense – Is Sadie next?

Terry is waiting for them outside Sadie’s apartment door. Dan thrashes Terry. Sadie has never seen him be violent before. She is worried. Dan is worried himself. Maybe he did kill those girls? Maybe he should leave Sadie, for her own safety?

Twist 12 – Dan would never hurt Sadie.

Dan is called into work, to see his supervisor. He tells Sadie not to leave her apartment. Sadie agrees.

Suspense – Is Sadie in danger? Is she the next target?

Dan goes to his work place, looking dishevelled. He is followed by a police car.

At Work – Dan is told to take a leave of absence. News of his links to these horrific murders is bad press. He understands and leaves. The police watch him leave.

Anjelica buzzes Sadie’s apartment from outside the building. Sadie answers. Anjelica tells Sadie she’s afraid, she thinks she is being followed. Sadie immediately buzzes her in.

Suspense – Dan told her not to see anyone. Is this ok?

Anjelica arrives at Sadie’s apartment. Sadie lets her in, notices her gloves. After a few minutes chat about Brazil, where they’re both from, Sadie is confused as to how Anjelica knew where she lived. Anjelica tells her she’s been watching her for some time now and plunges a knife into Sadie’s stomach, killing her.

Mystery – Solved. Anjelica is the killer. But why?

Suspense – Will she be caught? Will Dan be blamed?

Trust – Sadie trusted Anjelica. This was a big mistake

Anjelica finds Sadie’s phone and texts Dan, telling him she can’t lie for him any longer and she is afraid of him. She tells him she is leaving and he is not to come looking for her. She sends the text with a smile, drops the phone near Sadie’s body and leaves quietly.

Dan gets Sadie’s text. He goes beserk. He tries calling her but he cannot get through.

The police watch his very erratic behaviour. Something is up?

Twist 13 – Sadie did not send the text although it came from her phone.

Dan trusts Sadie. He believes the text is from her.

Dan drives erratically through the city, the police chasing behind. He makes a few crazy and dangerous turns and crossings, calling Sadie’s phone. The phone rings out.

Dan arrives outside the apartment block and uses the PINCODE to enter. He races inside and up the stairs.

The police are outside, they dont have the code. They start buzzing apartments.

Dan arrives at Sadie’s apartment. The door is wide open

TURNING POINT 2 – the worst of the worst.

Dan enters and sees Sadie’s body on the ground, a knife in her chest. He falls to his feet beside her, distraught.

The police arrive. They see Dan weeping over Sadie’s body. They arrest him for her murder. Dan is too distraught to move. Det. Hanly arrives on the scene.

Twist 14 – we know Dan did not kill Sadie.

Suspense – will Dan be blamed or will they discover it was Anjelica?

Dan is brought to the station. He has to hand over any medication. He gives them his pills for testing. He is allowed one phone call. He calls Alison.

Dan trusts Alison. Alison comes to his support.

Twist 15 – Alison is the one person who will not help him (we dont know this yet)

Alison is supportive to Dan. She consoles him, but it’s not looking good. Is he sure he did not do it? Remember his blackouts? Dan swears he could never hurt Sadie. Alison winces at this. But she stands by him. She tells him not to speak to anyone without her being present. She agrees. Alison leaves, telling him she’ll bring him some things.

Dan watches Alison on TV, being interviewed. She relishes in the attention, but tells the camera she knows her husband is not a murderer. Someone asks if he was having an affair with this woman who was murdered? Alison refuses further questions.

Dan trusts Alison

Suspense – What can Alison do for Dan?
Twist 16 – Alison won’t do anything to prove his innocence (revealed later)

Det. Hanly goes to the Club, asking about Anjelica Courcao. She has disappeared. Maybe she got scared, people come and go, it’s not unusual here. He gets her last address.

Det. Hanly visits Anjelica’s address. No one there has ever heard of her. She has no bank account, no trace of her anywhere. He is curious.

Suspense – will he find Anjelica?

In Prison, Dan is handed back his medication but told it is nothing more than sugar pills. He is very confused.

Mystery – did Alison switch his medication? What does this mean? Was it an accident?

In jail, Alison brings him a few things. She seems very upbeat. Maybe in a funny way, this is the best thing that could have happened for them. Such a weird thing to say. He tells her about the medication, he needs more. She’s surprised, didn’t she just give him some. He tells her he lost it, doesn’t tell her it’s not working. Sure, she’ll get it for him.

The Media swarm outside. From inside his cell, Dan watches Alison glow in the attention. Her sincerity in knowing her husband is not a killer does something to him. He asks for Det. Hanly.

Suspense – why is Dan asking for Det Hanly?

Det Hanly visits Dan. Dan tells Hanly Sadie used to talk about a dancer called Anjelica, from Brazil. Did the Detective question her? Hanly admits there’s no trace of her. Isn’t that strange? Dan asks Hanly what is her full name and when Hanly says Anjelica Courcao, Dan puts it together – Angel Heart. Angel Heart was Alison’s favourite film. What is Dan saying….? Dan isn’t sure what it might mean.

Suspense – what has Alison to do with this?

Twist 17 – Dan is now working with Det. Hanly

Trust – Dan now trusts Det Hanly and does not trust Alison.

Det. Hanly visits Alison’s Law Professor Prof Pufferton. He’s long retired now, his wife is dead. They talk about Alision, beautiful, smart, extremely competitive. She only wanted to be top, nothing else would do. She was clever but she wasn’t the Top. Yet she got the Top Award. Yes. She slept with Pufferton, then blackmailed him to get the marks she wanted. He always regretted it, but he could never tell his wife, it would kill her. It killed her in the end. She knew, somehow.

Hanly discovers Alison was part of the Drama Society, known for her searing role as Medea in the Greek play Euripides. A picture is being painted.

Det. Hanly reading Euripide’s Medea over a sandwich.

Suspense- did Alison really do the murders? What about Anjelica?

Alison visits Dan and tells him she’s applied for Bail but he won’t get it.

Much to Alison’s surprise, Dan gets bail, but under house arrest .He is to remain at home under Police Guard.

Alison pretends to be pleased, but she is not. There’s a media frenzy when Dan’s released, but Alison (fakes) that it just proves she knows her husband is not a murderer.

Twist 18 – she knows because she is the murderer.

Twist-19 Det Hanly has arranged for Bail, as Dan needs to find evidence against Alison.

Before leaving, Dan is given his correct medication. He does not say anything to Alison.

Twist – he appears to be muddled from lack of medication, but he is not acting (like Alison)

Dan has a quiet heart to heart with Nelly, his daughter. He is very careful in his dealings with her and we see how important she is to him. We also see the negative influence Alison has been (subtly) having on her. Dan asks Nelly to stay with a friend for a few days. She agrees, the one friend who’s still her friend – a true friend, Dan tells her.

Alison is with Dan at all times. He has no chance of searching the house for clues. He pretends to be in a constant funk, due to the medication not working, to throw Alison off her guard. She is fully guarded.

Det. Hanly calls Alison in for questioning. He wants her out of the house, give Dan a chance to search through it.

Alision meets Hanly. Hanly mentions her old professor and Alison says he was a pervert.

Alison now says she no longer believes Dan is innocent. He acts erratic, she thinks he is dangerous and she wants him out of the house, for the safety of her daughter and herself.

Intrigue – Alison has changed sides. She no longer wants to protect Dan for herself, she wants rid of him. She is setting him up as a killer.

Twist – Alison is the crazy one. Alison is lying about Dan. She can feel a net tightening, so she’ll get rid of him. She’s setting herself up to give herself a reason to kill him.

Det Hanly asks Alison to wait, as he calls Dan. Dan has found nothing. Hanly tells him he’s running out of time, she wants him out of the house. Dan asks for a package to be delivered. Hanly makes a note of the items, raising his eyebrows.

Suspense – what is Dan’s plan? What about Anjelica?

Alison arrives back to Dan. Dan looks at her lovingly. He tells her how much he appreciates her, all she does for him – he is playing up to her narcissism.

Intrigue – Dan’s plan to trap Alison

Trust – Alison has mistrusted Dan up until now, once she found out he was secretly going to a Club behind her back, having an affair with another woman. Suddenly she realises he sees her true beauty, he has fallen in love with her again. She starts to trust him as he strokes her ego.

Alison can now see they have a future. It’s not ideal, but what ever is? He’ll go to prison, but she’ll always be there, to defend him. And if there’s another murder, that will prove his innocence

Intrigue – Alison is already plotting a way to get Dan out of prison. In time. In her time. Not for a while.

Intrigue – Dan is also plotting his way to get Alison to show her true nature.

Trust- Dan pretends to trust Alison but doesn’t

Trust – Alison didn’t trust Dan but now does

Dan plays up to her. He wants her. He’s never wanted her more. She loves it. (she is crazy, of course). He only wandered because maybe he just needed a little spice, something different. But Alison is the one. If she wanted, she could dress for him.

He has seduced her ego enough to get her to believe she is sexier than all those dancers at the club. He has a gift for her, a package. She opens it, it is a costume, a very sexy costume. And a wig. She’s surprised but he sweet talks her into trying it on. She agrees. (her guard is down as her ego is highly inflated with all his loving attention, it’s been a long time)

CLIMAX

Alison gets herself ready in the bathroom, to surprise Dan.

Dan arranges a knife by the bed

Intrigue – what is his plan?

Suspense – someone is going to get killed? Who?

Alison appears, looking very like Anjelica. She puts on a Brazilian accent. Dan pretends to be infatuated. Alison moves to him and Dan starts kissing her.

Dan pulls away, telling her it’s no good. She’s not Sadie, she just doesn’t do it for him. Alison is at first shocked and pulls away but Dan keeps throwing insults at her, how common she is, how ugly she is inside, she doesn’t know the meaning of what beauty is …the more he insults her, the angrier she gets until she is in full blown rage (Narcissistic rage). He suddenly reveals the knife and Alison grabs it and thrusts it at Dan. Dan reacts in time. They struggle, Alison getting on top of Dan.

Suspense- who will win. Will Dan kill Alison and become a killer also? Will Alison kill Dan and say it was self defence?

Dan gets their very heavy, very fake smiled framed photograph and whacks Alison over the head with it, knocking her out cold.

Dan opens the door to the police. They find Alison, dressed as Anjelica, with a knife in her hand, out cold. She is not dead. Dan is not a killer.

RESOLUTION
Alison is arrested. She is taken in. The media are in a frenzy.

Reports that Alison has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which can bring about furious rage. Managing to hide it to the outside world, those who live within the walls see what no ones else sees. For Alison, she took her rage out on innocent women, not on Dan etc.

Dan with his daughter Nelly, telling her everything will be ok. He has a good way of talking to her that we know Nelly will survive this, Nelly has a good father and her narcissistic mother will be behind bars, where Nelly can visit her but she no longer has a very negative impact on her future not yet fully formed adult life.

THE END