Anna Maganini
Forum Replies Created
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There seem to be two Lesson 11 Forums. I think the other one is the right one for Outline – Part 2! But I am posting in both.
I still need a partner to exchange outline critiques! Tel. is 323-817-9216 -Email is – annamaganini@sbcglobal.net
– Though I prefer someone who writes thrillers or drama, I really just want someone who is thorough and interested and good at feedback, even if it is not in their chosen genre. I just had a bad experience in another WIM class with a partner who said he could not give me much (really he didn't give me any) feedback, because this was not his genre! I just do not want someone like that. But otherwise, please get in touch with me!
What I learned from doing this lesson (+ Lesson 10 before it)- Good God! I got it done, though it is messy still. Though it’s hard going sometimes, I am amazed how the outline starts taking on more substance and depth with each pass. Very gratifying. I know I have extra details. But it helps me when I begin to write the story.
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Title – HALF HOUR SHOWER (Placeholder title)
Genre – Psychological Thriller
HIGH CONCEPT –
*** Play with your neighbors – but in this game, win or lose, you die.LOGLINE – A crippled Afghanistan war vet moves into a co-op and gets caught up in neighborly games that turn deadly – especially for vets. But who runs the game?
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ACT 1 –
OPENING –
SCENE 1
INT./EXT. QUAINT CO-OP BUILDING – DAY
Rainey, crippled by a bomb in Afghanistan, moves into her new co-op – meets Josh and Kayla having a domestic fight, plus a cute-plain neighbor / instant crush, and a furtive Afghan man and his son who’s in a wheelchair.
Cute-plain guy tries to help her, knocks her down. She is charmed.
SCENE 2
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT KITCHEN – DAY
SETUP-Friend Bonnie warns Rainey of TV news: a psycho is killing war vets.
REVEAL-Unfazed, she bakes cookies for neighbors, hangs Purple Heart on wall
LAYER-She also hangs a picture of a little boy on the wall (her son)
SCENE 3
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT – DOORWAY (+LIVING ROOM) – DAY
LAYER-Cute-plain guy apologizes, invites her to play ‘neighborly’ games
LAYER – cute-plain seems friendly, but is he? Friend Bonnie warns her-hints what Rainey is doing is dangerous (We don’t know yet the secret of what she is doing)
SCENE 4
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SON’S ROOM – DAY
CJ+LAYER-Rainey is done baking. Alone with sons pic, lonely, she calls him, promises he will move in with her soon, puts up Mickey Mouse clock she got for his room.
SCENE 5
EXT. PLAIN-CUTE GUYS’ APARTMENT – DAY
CJ-She leaves cookies for cute-plain guy with note-nice to know you!+heart emoji
SCENE 6
INT. HALLWAY/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
LAYERS-Rainey takes cookies to Afghani neighbors Bobo and dad Sack
LAYERS-She has PTSD episode-they are playing same Afghan music she heard when land mine crippled her in Afghanistan. But the neighbors calm her.
LAYERS-Both Rainey and old man have hidden histories-he has Arabic word/motto in his home, he was a translator for U.S. soldiers, she was a soldier-Clues.
LAYER-She invites Sack and Bobo to join the ‘neighborly’ games with her.
LAYER – Bobo says yes, Sack wants no part of it, does something suspicious??
SCENE 7
EXT. POOL OR GARDEN – DAY
The rules to join sound fun-either bake salty cookies for neighbors, have a pool baptism, or plant friendship seeds in the garden, take pics, post on communal board. Rainey and Bobo enjoy the pool, though both are disabled and Bobo can’t swim. They post pics.
(Need way to introduce the game rules in a cool way)SCENE 8
INT. CO-OP HALLWAY – DAY
Rainey gives Kayla-Josh cookies as they fight over debt problems and a threatening note. Josh pushes Rainey, cane and cookies fall to floor. Kayla helps her, makes friends
LAYER – Kayla finds out Rainey is a war vet and mom.
LAYER-Kayla seems sweet but targets neighbors-has disturbing side under the nice.
INCITING INCIDENT –
SCENE 9
INT. CO-OP LOBBY-MAIL AREA – EVENING
Rainey gets accepted into neighborly games, (need cool way to do it), gets her first neighborly message – ‘how long does it take to bake cookies?’ Her answer – ‘an hour’. There’s another answer – ‘15 minutes to make kulche birinjee’ She smiles – Bobo.
LAYER-She writes her own question-how long does it take to make friends here?
LAYER – An answer is already waiting – ‘Don’t make friends here – EVER!’
LAYER -Neighborly games turn ominous. There’s no one around. WHO LEFT IT?
SCENE 10
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT DOOR – DAY
LAYER-Another note waits outside her apartment – How long does it take you to shower?’ WHAT? She grows agitated, uneasy.
SCENE 11
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT LIVING ROOM – DAY
LAYER – Inside, she finds yet another note. Someone’s been inside her home! The note asks: ’Do you want to play a more serious game?’
LAYER – CJ – Frightened, she goes to lock all her doors and windows, sees cute-plain guy outside gardening. He innocently waves. She waves back.
LAYER – the games that were so friendly have become invasive and dangerous
LAYER-Cute-plain guy eats her cookie. Maybe notes are his innocent way to flirt
LAYER – She reconsiders. Nervous, she answers the notes – ‘Half hour shower’ on one note and ‘Yes’ on the other, leaves them outside her door.
SCENE 12
EXT. RAINEY’S DOOR – EVENING
LAYER-A gloved hand reaches for first note, reads it, puts it back, takes the 2nd note.
SCENE 13
INT./EXT. RAINEY’S DOOR – EVENING
Minutes later, a knock. Rainey opens. No one there but a response on 1st note says- Let’s meet tomorrow-after the half hour shower. Smiley emoji. Is he weirdo or wonderful
SCENE 14
EXT. RAINEY’S DOOR – EVENING
LAYER – Jittery, Rainey opens the door again, leaves one last note – ‘It’s a date’.
SCENE 15
INT. SON’S BEDROOM – DAY
LAYER – Next day Rainey fixes up her son’s room, gets it ready for him.
SCENE 16
INT. RAINEY’S BEDROOM – DAY
LAYER – She picks out the dress and earrings she’ll wear for her date.
SCENE 17
LAYER – INT. JOSH AND KAYLA’S APARTMENT – DAY
Josh and Kayla get a note in their apartment: ’How long does it take you to rob a place?’ Kayla, tearful but determined, writes – ‘half hour’, pins it outside.
SCENE 18
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT – DAY
LAYER – Rainey finds the clocks in her home missing, even the Mickey Mouse clock
SCENE 19
INT. RAINEY’S BATHROOM – DAY
LAYER-She finds secret door in bathroom. Locked. Can’t open it. Where does it lead?
SCENE 20
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT DOOR – DAY
LAYER – Bobo gets a question pinned to his door – ‘how long for piano practice?’ He writes a note with Arabic letterhead that says ‘half hour’, pins it outside door
SCENE 21
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT BATHROOM – DAY
LAYER – Rainey gets in the shower, ready for a date with cute-plain guy.
SCENE 22
INT. CO-OP HALLWAY – DAY
LAYER-Kayla is in shock over new note telling them what to rob. Josh forces her.
TURNING POINT –
SCENE 23
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY
REVEAL+NEW LAYER-As Rainey showers, she hears robbers invade her home!
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ACT 2:
NEW PLAN – (TICKING TIME BOMB)
SCENE 24
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY
REVEAL-Rainey hears Kayla. Relieved, she calls to her friend. It’s all a mistake, right? But-no mistake. Reveal of some sort in how Kayla reacts. She’s no friend.
SCENE 25
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT BEDROOM/LIVING ROOM – DAY
LAYER – Kayla and Josh find a gun in Rainey's apartment with a note for them.
SCENE 26
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY
REVEAL-Rainey finds a gun in shower and note explaining she is in a game. Shower in a half hour as robbers rob you in a half hour. Finish first, you kill them. Finish last, they kill you. Finish before time’s up, your gun backfires and kills you. NO CLOCKS! GO!
PLAN IN ACTION – (Follow the Rules – Til You Can’t)
SCENE 27
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT – DAY
High-stress as they go against each other and the mystery Game Runner. Rainey has a nervous breakdown. The others brandish guns like psychopaths, Josh threatens to shoot up her son’s room first. Both sides continue to shower, rob, and count feverishly.SCENE 28
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY
LAYER+ MYSTERY – Rainey hears ticking sound, doesn’t know where it’s coming from as she counts and showers desperately. It’s ruining her count. A CLOCK? Can’t find it.
SCENE 29
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT LIVING ROOM – DAY
Josh gathers Rainey’s stuff and puts it on a cart as Kayla keeps count and lugs the cart outside, empties it, comes back. They work furiously.
SETUP – Josh wants to kill the game runner, whoever it is. Kayla makes him focus.
SCENE 30
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY
Rainey falls, hurts herself, calls robbers for help. She left her pills and cane in her room. They refuse. Desperate, hurt, she puts on a bathrobe, leaves the shower running.
A new note mysteriously pinned to her shower orders her back in the shower.
WHO IS THE PERSON? HOW DO THEY KNOW? HOW DO THEY GET IN?
The smell of baking cookies wafts from a vent. It’s Afghani birinjee! The Game Runner knows what she’s doing by sense of smell-Rainey invents a name-THE SNIFFER!
Rainey screams to robbers – it’s THE SNIFFER, he smells through the vents!
She rubs bamboo charcoal on herself to mask her smell, puts on her bathrobe.
Suddenly a smell of gas fumes from the vents chokes her and the robbers.
SCENE 31
INT. RAINEY’S BEDROOM – DAY
She tumbles out of the bathroom. They are all coughing and suffocating.
SETUP-She finds Kayla near a vent doing something, but Kayla quickly gets up.
LET’S BREAK THE RULES!-Rainey asks robbers to help find THE SNIFFER. Josh agrees, wants to kill THE SNIFFER who got him in debt. Kayla wants to finish the game.
Josh is caught between wanting to kill THE SNIFFER and wanting to kill Rainey to win. Kayla nudges him against Rainey. He spills Rainey’s pills on purpose, takes her cane.
LAYER-As Rainey reaches for her pill tin, Kayla puts down a round object about same size. Rainey grabs it instead of pill tin (deliberately?), along with a plastic library card.
LAYER-A new note announces: ‘even if both sides end on time, you die. No double victory allowed. Guns will backfire and kill both sides as they kill each other.’
LAYER-This makes Josh go berserk, as Kayla accuses Rainey of leaving the shower and ‘finishing too early’ and Josh aims to shoot her.
LAYER – Kayla is manipulating Josh into shooting Rainey.
Rainey escapes to – her son’s room…
SCENE 32
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT – SON’S ROOM – DAY
MASS INSANITY – Triple Insanity – Rainey is a good hider, but Josh shoots at every hiding place. The gun doesn’t backfire like the rules said! Rainey peeks. It’s because Josh has cheated and brought his own gun!
He finds her. In his rage and insanity, he forgets which gun is which, uses wrong gun.
Kayla screams: Shoot too early and it backfires! Too late. He’s dead.
SCENE 33
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT BEDROOM – DAY
Afraid, Rainey and Kayla see a new note on the dresser. ‘Don’t think of working together or finishing too late. A bomb will go off, killing you both’. So – WIN OR LOSE, BOTH DIE!
The two hug; for a moment, it feels like friendship. Rainey again asks Kayla to work together. THERE IS NO WAY TO WIN! Unless they find the Game Runner. But Kayla has an evil plan to kill Rainey first – and soon. She holds up Josh’s good gun.
REVEAL-Kayla will kill her! Rainey escapes to the bathroom. Both resume the race, giving Rainey time to think.
SCENE 34
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY
LAYER-Rainey hears the ticking sound again-the clock! She rubs more charcoal on, leaves shower running. Looks again, finally finds the bomb deep under bathroom sink.
LAYER-A new strange scent comes from the bathroom vent – curry!!!
Rainey takes the bomb and gun, uses plastic library card to unlock the mystery door.
SCENE 35
INT. BUILDING TUNNELS – DAY
LAYER-(+SOME KIND OF REVEAL) Rainey sees an arm. A gloved, masked ninja turns a corner, runs away in the tunnel. Rainey takes up the chase, crippled and slow, enters series of tunnels and warrens through which THE SNIFFER moves!
Ideas -Slippery floors, round echoey walls, hard for crippled Rainey to get a grasp
LAYER-Fear and excitement build as she closes in on Game Runner while bomb she carries ticks away. Ideas -THE SNIFFER puts obstacles in path-she uses DIY devices to bust out, Scratches or digs her way out? Walls in tunnel contract, she can’t breathe?
She outsmarts THE SNIFFER in some way, is about to rip off their ninja mask when-
THE SNIFFER escapes and disappears.
Rainey emerges from the tunnel to another locked door, unlocks it with the card, enters.
SCENE 36
INT. UNKNOWN APARTMENT – DAY
LAYER – An apartment. Person’s back is turned. Note on door challenges her to shoot this person, see if her gun will backfire. Curry steam wafts in air. Vision, hearing foggy.
MIDPOINT TURNING POINT –
SCENE 37
INT. UNKNOWN APARTMENT – DAY
REVEAL – Everything clears, she sees her furniture piled in the room, her son’s things, hears music, same Afghani music she heard before. The person turns around. Bobo, the disabled kid! He’s playing the piano. Bobo is THE SNIFFER???!!!!
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ACT 3:
RETHINK EVERYTHING – (Bobo as the Game Runner)
SCENE 38
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
LAYER-She accuses, grills him on his suspicious dad, takes his wheelchair, puts bomb in his apartment. He sobs. It’s not him! Kayla’s using apartment to store stolen stuff.
LAYER-Something makes her think he did it more-story dad went to buy more curry?
NEW PLAN –
SCENE 39
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
Rainey sees her son’s stuff, moves it from Bobo’s apartment as bomb ticks down
Kayla comes in with a load. She and Rainey have confrontation, give both their secret identities away. Kayla is the Game Runner. Rainey is investigating recent vet deaths.
REVEAL?-I HAVEN’T WORKED OUT THIS PART AND THE EXPOSITION YET- Kayla is a virulent anti war activist who wants to kill anyone who’s served in the military. She knew Rainey was a former soldier, and she engineered Josh’s death, another vet. Bobo is just collateral but his dad was an Afghan who helped U.S. soldiers during the war.
OR – Rainey knows it’s her, but doesn’t let on! (Not sure yet which way to go)
Surface Layer: Kayla is the last one you’d suspect as the Game Runner.
Beneath: She is THE SNIFFER and mastermind getting people to die
How Revealed: Here – or later in awkward shooting through the wall in Act 4.
TURNING POINT – HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT – (Kayla as the Game Runner)
SCENE 40
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
REVEAL/NEW LAYER/SETUP-Kayla grabs bomb back, starts a new game with bomb here now. Bobo must play piano while Rainey moves son stuff back in. Til bomb blows.
IDEAS FOR KAYLA’S GAME – Not well worked out yet –
To Bobo-What’s longest song you know? Play that one-if you finish it before your dad gets home, I spare him. If he comes home first, he dies and you die.
Kayla will blow up the bomb right by Bobo cuz he can’t move without wheelchair
To Rainey -What’s your most valuable possession? Son’s artwork.
Kayla starts burning all Rainey’s son’s clothes and toys and artwork-one by one
If you move all the furniture back before Bobo gets done, I spare your son’s artwork. If you don’t get done in time, I burn it and go find your son and kill him.
Rainey and Bobo move/play fast as they can. Kayla mocks them and bomb ticks down.
PLAY FAST AND MAYBE YOU WON’T DIE! FASTER. FASTER. FASTER!
================ACT 4:
FINAL PLAN – (Rainey as the Game Runner)
SCENE 41
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
Suddenly the ticking time bomb stops. Everyone freezes.
REVEAL -Kayla says-Time’s UP! She takes out the round object she thinks is her bomb detonator and game control box. But she’s holding Rainey’s empty pill tin!
CLIMAX / ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT –
SCENE 42
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
REVEAL – Rainey pulls out the bomb detonator/control box she took from the dresser earlier instead of her empty pill tin. RAINEY IS THE GAME RUNNER NOW.
REVEAL-(need more setups for Reveal that Rainey is really working with Veteran’s Affairs to investigate who is killing war vets. Or it may stay higher up where I have it.
SCENE 43
INT. CO-OP HALLWAY/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
INTRIGUE – How to make Kayla a pawn in the game ? Maybe Rainey makes her haul the dead Josh out of her apt. and out of the building with bomb going off at any moment strapped to Kayla as Bobo plays piano. But Josh’s body is heavy and Kayla is hurt???
Kayla begs, feels the helplessness of being a pawn in the game. From hallway, she gives Rainey instructions on how to stop bomb as she struggles with Josh body. Rainey pretends to make a mistake, has to start again. The bomb could go off any moment.
SCENE 44
INT. HALLWAY/RAINEY’S APARTMENT/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
Maybe a girl fight????
SCENE 45
INT. HALLWAY/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
LAYER-Desperate Kayla drops Josh in hallway, takes bomb off, runs in Bobo apartment and steals controller from Rainey, drops the bomb in apartment, leaves Rainey and Bobo without cane or wheelchair, as the bomb gets ready to blow. She taunts Rainey to shoot her through the wall, see what happens. Maybe the gun won’t backfire after all.SCENE 46
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
LAYER-Heart-pounding tension, not knowing who, what to fight. Is Bobo in with Kayla?
LAYER – Sack the dad arrives with his curry. Is Sack in with Kayla?
CJ – Rainey stops to meditate on her kid and how she’s got to do this for him???
SCENE 47
INT. CO-OP HALLWAY/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
Kayla shoots Rainey through wall but gun doesn’t backfire on her! A switch to turn it off?
SCENE 48
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
Rainey asks Bobo/Sack??? to do something brave to prove themselves? It fails?
Hurt, unable to escape, out of options, a desperate Rainey undoes the switch on her gun, shoots spastically and desperately through wall at random with her crippled hand. Shots go haywire. Bobo and Sack help her. Bobo on the floor helps keep her upright. Sack helps her aim as he prays to Allah.
DEEPER MEANING-CJ -Sack feels deep kinship to his religion and land of his birth (Afghanistan), Rainey feels she must survive for her child ?? Harness all her resources.
RESOLUTION –
(I DON’T LOVE THIS ENDING YET, MORE OF A PLACEHOLDER)
SCENE 49
INT. DESTROYED CO-OP HALLWAY – DAY
Rainey’s haywire shots somehow hit Kayla.
REVEAL – Explosion finally goes off. But not in Bobo’s apartment. Kayla, who’s in the hallway, was wearing a suicide vest! And it blew when Rainey’s haywire shots got it.
SCENE 50
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT DOORWAY – DAY
REVEAL-Rainey sobs, wanted JUSTICE IN A COURT for Kayla! She was investigating vet deaths. She had her! Bobo, crying, comforts her, says she couldn’t have known Kayla was wearing a suicide vest. Sirens sound in the distance, getting closer.
OR – Bobo, crying, wonders why the bomb didn’t go off in his apartment. Rainey says she had already turned it off with the bomb controller, as she had no plans to blow up Kayla. She wanted her to see justice!
OR – ????
SCENE 51
INT. DESTROYED CO-OP HALLWAY – DAY
REVEAL-Nearby doorbell rings. Rainey peeks out, sees cute-plain guy at her door, eying devastation in the hallway, holding a bouquet of flowers. “Didn’t we have a date?”
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY (OPTIONAL) (NOT SURE ABOUT THIS)
Bonnie…comes with a crew, to reveal Rainey and her veterans investigation.???==================================
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There seem to be two Lesson 11 Forums, so I hope this is the right one for the Outline – Part 2!
I still need a partner to exchange outline critiques! Tel. is 323-817-9216 – Email is – annamaganini@sbcglobal.net
– Though I prefer someone who writes thrillers or drama, I really just want someone who is thorough and interested and good at feedback, even if it is not in their chosen genre. I just had a bad experience in another WIM class with a partner who said he could not give me much (really he didn't give me any) feedback, because this was not his genre! I just do not want someone like that. But otherwise, please get in touch with me!
What I learned from doing this lesson (+ Lesson 10 before it)- Good God! I got it done, though it is messy still. Though it’s hard going sometimes, I am amazed how the outline starts taking on more substance and depth with each pass. Very gratifying. I have a few extra details added in. But it helps me when I begin to write the story.
Title – HALF HOUR SHOWER (Placeholder title)
Genre – Psychological Thriller
HIGH CONCEPT –
*** Play with your neighbors – but in this game, win or lose, you die.LOGLINE – A crippled Afghanistan war vet moves into a co-op and gets caught up in neighborly games that turn deadly – especially for vets. But who runs the game?
=====================
ACT 1 –
OPENING –
SCENE 1
INT./EXT. QUAINT CO-OP BUILDING – DAY
Rainey, crippled by a bomb in Afghanistan, moves into her new co-op – meets Josh and Kayla having a domestic fight, plus a cute-plain neighbor / instant crush, and a furtive Afghan man and his son who’s in a wheelchair.
Cute-plain guy tries to help her, knocks her down. She is charmed.
SCENE 2
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT KITCHEN – DAY
SETUP-Friend Bonnie warns Rainey of TV news: a psycho is killing war vets.
REVEAL-Unfazed, she bakes cookies for neighbors, hangs Purple Heart on wall
LAYER-She also hangs a picture of a little boy on the wall (her son)
SCENE 3
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT – DOORWAY (+LIVING ROOM) – DAY
LAYER-Cute-plain guy apologizes, invites her to play ‘neighborly’ games
LAYER – cute-plain seems friendly, but is he? Friend Bonnie warns her-hints what Rainey is doing is dangerous (We don’t know yet the secret of what she is doing)
SCENE 4
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SON’S ROOM – DAY
CJ+LAYER-Rainey is done baking. Alone with sons pic, lonely, she calls him, promises he will move in with her soon, puts up Mickey Mouse clock she got for his room.
SCENE 5
EXT. PLAIN-CUTE GUYS’ APARTMENT – DAY
CJ-She leaves cookies for cute-plain guy with note-nice to know you!+heart emoji
SCENE 6
INT. HALLWAY/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
LAYERS-Rainey takes cookies to Afghani neighbors Bobo and dad Sack
LAYERS-She has PTSD episode-they are playing same Afghan music she heard when land mine crippled her in Afghanistan. But the neighbors calm her.
LAYERS-Both Rainey and old man have hidden histories-he has Arabic word/motto in his home, he was a translator for U.S. soldiers, she was a soldier-Clues.
LAYER-She invites Sack and Bobo to join the ‘neighborly’ games with her.
LAYER – Bobo says yes, Sack wants no part of it, does something suspicious??
SCENE 7
EXT. POOL OR GARDEN – DAY
The rules to join sound fun-either bake salty cookies for neighbors, have a pool baptism, or plant friendship seeds in the garden, take pics, post on communal board. Rainey and Bobo enjoy the pool, though both are disabled and Bobo can’t swim. They post pics.
(Need way to introduce the game rules in a cool way)SCENE 8
INT. CO-OP HALLWAY – DAY
Rainey gives Kayla-Josh cookies as they fight over debt problems and a threatening note. Josh pushes Rainey, cane and cookies fall to floor. Kayla helps her, makes friends
LAYER – Kayla finds out Rainey is a war vet and mom.
LAYER-Kayla seems sweet but targets neighbors-has disturbing side under the nice.
INCITING INCIDENT –
SCENE 9
INT. CO-OP LOBBY-MAIL AREA – EVENING
Rainey gets accepted into neighborly games, (need cool way to do it), gets her first neighborly message – ‘how long does it take to bake cookies?’ Her answer – ‘an hour’. There’s another answer – ‘15 minutes to make kulche birinjee’ She smiles – Bobo.
LAYER-She writes her own question-how long does it take to make friends here?
LAYER – An answer is already waiting – ‘Don’t make friends here – EVER!’
LAYER -Neighborly games turn ominous. There’s no one around. WHO LEFT IT?
SCENE 10
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT DOOR – DAY
LAYER-Another note waits outside her apartment – How long does it take you to shower?’ WHAT? She grows agitated, uneasy.
SCENE 11
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT LIVING ROOM – DAY
LAYER – Inside, she finds yet another note. Someone’s been inside her home! The note asks: ’Do you want to play a more serious game?’
LAYER – CJ – Frightened, she goes to lock all her doors and windows, sees cute-plain guy outside gardening. He innocently waves. She waves back.
LAYER – the games that were so friendly have become invasive and dangerous
LAYER-Cute-plain guy eats her cookie. Maybe notes are his innocent way to flirt
LAYER – She reconsiders. Nervous, she answers the notes – ‘Half hour shower’ on one note and ‘Yes’ on the other, leaves them outside her door.
SCENE 12
EXT. RAINEY’S DOOR – EVENING
LAYER-A gloved hand reaches for first note, reads it, puts it back, takes the 2nd note.
SCENE 13
INT./EXT. RAINEY’S DOOR – EVENING
Minutes later, a knock. Rainey opens. No one there but a response on 1st note says- Let’s meet tomorrow-after the half hour shower. Smiley emoji. Is he weirdo or wonderful
SCENE 14
EXT. RAINEY’S DOOR – EVENING
LAYER – Jittery, Rainey opens the door again, leaves one last note – ‘It’s a date’.
SCENE 15
INT. SON’S BEDROOM – DAY
LAYER – Next day Rainey fixes up her son’s room, gets it ready for him.
SCENE 16
INT. RAINEY’S BEDROOM – DAY
LAYER – She picks out the dress and earrings she’ll wear for her date.
SCENE 17
LAYER – INT. JOSH AND KAYLA’S APARTMENT – DAY
Josh and Kayla get a note in their apartment: ’How long does it take you to rob a place?’ Kayla, tearful but determined, writes – ‘half hour’, pins it outside.
SCENE 18
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT – DAY
LAYER – Rainey finds the clocks in her home missing, even the Mickey Mouse clock
SCENE 19
INT. RAINEY’S BATHROOM – DAY
LAYER-She finds secret door in bathroom. Locked. Can’t open it. Where does it lead?
SCENE 20
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT DOOR – DAY
LAYER – Bobo gets a question pinned to his door – ‘how long for piano practice?’ He writes a note with Arabic letterhead that says ‘half hour’, pins it outside door
SCENE 21
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT BATHROOM – DAY
LAYER – Rainey gets in the shower, ready for a date with cute-plain guy.
SCENE 22
INT. CO-OP HALLWAY – DAY
LAYER-Kayla is in shock over new note telling them what to rob. Josh forces her.
TURNING POINT –
SCENE 23
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY
REVEAL+NEW LAYER-As Rainey showers, she hears robbers invade her home!
================
ACT 2:
NEW PLAN – (TICKING TIME BOMB)
SCENE 24
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY
REVEAL-Rainey hears Kayla. Relieved, she calls to her friend. It’s all a mistake, right? But-no mistake. Reveal of some sort in how Kayla reacts. She’s no friend.
SCENE 25
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT BEDROOM/LIVING ROOM – DAY
LAYER – Kayla and Josh find a gun in Rainey's apartment with a note for them.
SCENE 26
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY
REVEAL-Rainey finds a gun in shower and note explaining she is in a game. Shower in a half hour as robbers rob you in a half hour. Finish first, you kill them. Finish last, they kill you. Finish before time’s up, your gun backfires and kills you. NO CLOCKS! GO!
PLAN IN ACTION – (Follow the Rules – Til You Can’t)
SCENE 27
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT – DAY
High-stress as they go against each other and the mystery Game Runner. Rainey has a nervous breakdown. The others brandish guns like psychopaths, Josh threatens to shoot up her son’s room first. Both sides continue to shower, rob, and count feverishly.SCENE 28
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY
LAYER+ MYSTERY – Rainey hears ticking sound, doesn’t know where it’s coming from as she counts and showers desperately. It’s ruining her count. A CLOCK? Can’t find it.
SCENE 29
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT LIVING ROOM – DAY
Josh gathers Rainey’s stuff and puts it on a cart as Kayla keeps count and lugs the cart outside, empties it, comes back. They work furiously.
SETUP – Josh wants to kill the game runner, whoever it is. Kayla makes him focus.
SCENE 30
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY
Rainey falls, hurts herself, calls robbers for help. She left her pills and cane in her room. They refuse. Desperate, hurt, she puts on a bathrobe, leaves the shower running.
A new note mysteriously pinned to her shower orders her back in the shower.
WHO IS THE PERSON? HOW DO THEY KNOW? HOW DO THEY GET IN?
The smell of baking cookies wafts from a vent. It’s Afghani birinjee! The Game Runner knows what she’s doing by sense of smell-Rainey invents a name-THE SNIFFER!
Rainey screams to robbers – it’s THE SNIFFER, he smells through the vents!
She rubs bamboo charcoal on herself to mask her smell, puts on her bathrobe.
Suddenly a smell of gas fumes from the vents chokes her and the robbers.
SCENE 31
INT. RAINEY’S BEDROOM – DAY
She tumbles out of the bathroom. They are all coughing and suffocating.
SETUP-She finds Kayla near a vent doing something, but Kayla quickly gets up.
LET’S BREAK THE RULES!-Rainey asks robbers to help find THE SNIFFER. Josh agrees, wants to kill THE SNIFFER who got him in debt. Kayla wants to finish the game.
Josh is caught between wanting to kill THE SNIFFER and wanting to kill Rainey to win. Kayla nudges him against Rainey. He spills Rainey’s pills on purpose, takes her cane.
LAYER-As Rainey reaches for her pill tin, Kayla puts down a round object about same size. Rainey grabs it instead of pill tin (deliberately?), along with a plastic library card.
LAYER-A new note announces: ‘even if both sides end on time, you die. No double victory allowed. Guns will backfire and kill both sides as they kill each other.’
LAYER-This makes Josh go berserk, as Kayla accuses Rainey of leaving the shower and ‘finishing too early’ and Josh aims to shoot her.
LAYER – Kayla is manipulating Josh into shooting Rainey.
Rainey escapes to – her son’s room…
SCENE 32
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT – SON’S ROOM – DAY
MASS INSANITY – Triple Insanity – Rainey is a good hider, but Josh shoots at every hiding place. The gun doesn’t backfire like the rules said! Rainey peeks. It’s because Josh has cheated and brought his own gun!
He finds her. In his rage and insanity, he forgets which gun is which, uses wrong gun.
Kayla screams: Shoot too early and it backfires! Too late. He’s dead.
SCENE 33
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT BEDROOM – DAY
Afraid, Rainey and Kayla see a new note on the dresser. ‘Don’t think of working together or finishing too late. A bomb will go off, killing you both’. So – WIN OR LOSE, BOTH DIE!
The two hug; for a moment, it feels like friendship. Rainey again asks Kayla to work together. THERE IS NO WAY TO WIN! Unless they find the Game Runner. But Kayla has an evil plan to kill Rainey first – and soon. She holds up Josh’s good gun.
REVEAL-Kayla will kill her! Rainey escapes to the bathroom. Both resume the race, giving Rainey time to think.
SCENE 34
INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY
LAYER-Rainey hears the ticking sound again-the clock! She rubs more charcoal on, leaves shower running. Looks again, finally finds the bomb deep under bathroom sink.
LAYER-A new strange scent comes from the bathroom vent – curry!!!
Rainey takes the bomb and gun, uses plastic library card to unlock the mystery door.
SCENE 35
INT. BUILDING TUNNELS – DAY
LAYER-(+SOME KIND OF REVEAL) Rainey sees an arm. A gloved, masked ninja turns a corner, runs away in the tunnel. Rainey takes up the chase, crippled and slow, enters series of tunnels and warrens through which THE SNIFFER moves!
Ideas -Slippery floors, round echoey walls, hard for crippled Rainey to get a grasp
LAYER-Fear and excitement build as she closes in on Game Runner while bomb she carries ticks away. Ideas -THE SNIFFER puts obstacles in path-she uses DIY devices to bust out, Scratches or digs her way out? Walls in tunnel contract, she can’t breathe?
She outsmarts THE SNIFFER in some way, is about to rip off their ninja mask when-
THE SNIFFER escapes and disappears.
Rainey emerges from the tunnel to another locked door, unlocks it with the card, enters.
SCENE 36
INT. UNKNOWN APARTMENT – DAY
LAYER – An apartment. Person’s back is turned. Note on door challenges her to shoot this person, see if her gun will backfire. Curry steam wafts in air. Vision, hearing foggy.
MIDPOINT TURNING POINT –
SCENE 37
INT. UNKNOWN APARTMENT – DAY
REVEAL – Everything clears, she sees her furniture piled in the room, her son’s things, hears music, same Afghani music she heard before. The person turns around. Bobo, the disabled kid! He’s playing the piano. Bobo is THE SNIFFER???!!!!
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ACT 3:
RETHINK EVERYTHING – (Bobo as the Game Runner)
SCENE 38
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
LAYER-She accuses, grills him on his suspicious dad, takes his wheelchair, puts bomb in his apartment. He sobs. It’s not him! Kayla’s using apartment to store stolen stuff.
LAYER-Something makes her think he did it more-story dad went to buy more curry?
NEW PLAN –
SCENE 39
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
Rainey sees her son’s stuff, moves it from Bobo’s apartment as bomb ticks down
Kayla comes in with a load. She and Rainey have confrontation, give both their secret identities away. Kayla is the Game Runner. Rainey is investigating recent vet deaths.
REVEAL?-I HAVEN’T WORKED OUT THIS PART AND THE EXPOSITION YET- Kayla is a virulent anti war activist who wants to kill anyone who’s served in the military. She knew Rainey was a former soldier, and she engineered Josh’s death, another vet. Bobo is just collateral but his dad was an Afghan who helped U.S. soldiers during the war.
OR – Rainey knows it’s her, but doesn’t let on! (Not sure yet which way to go)
Surface Layer: Kayla is the last one you’d suspect as the Game Runner.
Beneath: She is THE SNIFFER and mastermind getting people to die
How Revealed: Here – or later in awkward shooting through the wall in Act 4.
TURNING POINT – HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT – (Kayla as the Game Runner)
SCENE 40
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
REVEAL/NEW LAYER/SETUP-Kayla grabs bomb back, starts a new game with bomb here now. Bobo must play piano while Rainey moves son stuff back in. Til bomb blows.
IDEAS FOR KAYLA’S GAME – Not well worked out yet –
To Bobo-What’s longest song you know? Play that one-if you finish it before your dad gets home, I spare him. If he comes home first, he dies and you die.
Kayla will blow up the bomb right by Bobo cuz he can’t move without wheelchair
To Rainey -What’s your most valuable possession? Son’s artwork.
Kayla starts burning all Rainey’s son’s clothes and toys and artwork-one by one
If you move all the furniture back before Bobo gets done, I spare your son’s artwork. If you don’t get done in time, I burn it and go find your son and kill him.
Rainey and Bobo move/play fast as they can. Kayla mocks them and bomb ticks down.
PLAY FAST AND MAYBE YOU WON’T DIE! FASTER. FASTER. FASTER!
================ACT 4:
FINAL PLAN – (Rainey as the Game Runner)
SCENE 41
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
Suddenly the ticking time bomb stops. Everyone freezes.
REVEAL -Kayla says-Time’s UP! She takes out the round object she thinks is her bomb detonator and game control box. But she’s holding Rainey’s empty pill tin!
CLIMAX / ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT –
SCENE 42
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
REVEAL – Rainey pulls out the bomb detonator/control box she took from the dresser earlier instead of her empty pill tin. RAINEY IS THE GAME RUNNER NOW.
REVEAL-(need more setups for Reveal that Rainey is really working with Veteran’s Affairs to investigate who is killing war vets. Or it may stay higher up where I have it.
SCENE 43
INT. CO-OP HALLWAY/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
INTRIGUE – How to make Kayla a pawn in the game ? Maybe Rainey makes her haul the dead Josh out of her apt. and out of the building with bomb going off at any moment strapped to Kayla as Bobo plays piano. But Josh’s body is heavy and Kayla is hurt???
Kayla begs, feels the helplessness of being a pawn in the game. From hallway, she gives Rainey instructions on how to stop bomb as she struggles with Josh body. Rainey pretends to make a mistake, has to start again. The bomb could go off any moment.
SCENE 44
INT. HALLWAY/RAINEY’S APARTMENT/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
Maybe a girl fight????
SCENE 45
INT. HALLWAY/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
LAYER-Desperate Kayla drops Josh in hallway, takes bomb off, runs in Bobo apartment and steals controller from Rainey, drops the bomb in apartment, leaves Rainey and Bobo without cane or wheelchair, as the bomb gets ready to blow. She taunts Rainey to shoot her through the wall, see what happens. Maybe the gun won’t backfire after all.SCENE 46
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
LAYER-Heart-pounding tension, not knowing who, what to fight. Is Bobo in with Kayla?
LAYER – Sack the dad arrives with his curry. Is Sack in with Kayla?
CJ – Rainey stops to meditate on her kid and how she’s got to do this for him???
SCENE 47
INT. CO-OP HALLWAY/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
Kayla shoots Rainey through wall but gun doesn’t backfire on her! A switch to turn it off?
SCENE 48
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
Rainey asks Bobo/Sack??? to do something brave to prove themselves? It fails?
Hurt, unable to escape, out of options, a desperate Rainey undoes the switch on her gun, shoots spastically and desperately through wall at random with her crippled hand. Shots go haywire. Bobo and Sack help her. Bobo on the floor helps keep her upright. Sack helps her aim as he prays to Allah.
DEEPER MEANING-CJ -Sack feels deep kinship to his religion and land of his birth (Afghanistan), Rainey feels she must survive for her child ?? Harness all her resources.
RESOLUTION –
(I DON’T LOVE THIS ENDING YET, MORE OF A PLACEHOLDER)
SCENE 49
INT. DESTROYED CO-OP HALLWAY – DAY
Rainey’s haywire shots somehow hit Kayla.
REVEAL – Explosion finally goes off. But not in Bobo’s apartment. Kayla, who’s in the hallway, was wearing a suicide vest! It blew when Rainey’s haywire shots got it.
SCENE 50
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT DOORWAY – DAY
REVEAL-Rainey sobs, wanted JUSTICE IN A COURT for Kayla! She was investigating vet deaths. She had her! Bobo, crying, comforts her, says she couldn’t have known Kayla was wearing a suicide vest. Sirens sound in the distance, getting closer.
OR – Bobo, crying, wonders why the bomb didn’t go off in his apartment. Rainey says she had already turned it off with the bomb controller, as she had no plans to blow up Kayla. She wanted her to see justice!
OR – ????
SCENE 51
INT. DESTROYED CO-OP HALLWAY – DAY
REVEAL-Nearby doorbell rings. Rainey peeks out, sees cute-plain guy at her door, eying devastation in the hallway, holding a bouquet of flowers. “Didn’t we have a date?”
INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY (OPTIONAL) (NOT SURE ABOUT THIS)
Bonnie…comes with a crew, to reveal Rainey and her veterans investigation.???==================================
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Anna Maganini’s Budget!
WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS… This was eye opening in making me see what I really need and don’t. And also to think of ways to elevate the script dramatically to substitute for the drama of an explosion or other superficial effects.
If I had to decrease the budget in my film by 25 percent…
In my film, the things that stand out as more expensive variables are firearms, a bomb explosion, and a fight. A special set I envisioned could also be fiddled with.
A. The guns are pretty necessary for the building tension, but perhaps fake guns made to look real could be used, and the one time the gun is fired could be done with added audio later. But I think we would need to keep guns in some form.
B. The explosion I may not need once I write the entire script, or maybe just the audio of the explosion needs to be heard, and maybe I can elevate my script at the moment of the explosion in such a way that what the characters do sells the explosion, or the fear of the explosion.
C. I kind of need the fight between the two women, but it could be pared down, or maybe once I write this, I may find some other way to highlight the dramatic conflict between them.
D. I also envisioned a special set with a tunnel, but that could be changed to just plain old stairs.
If I could quadruple the budget….
A. One of the things I envision in this film is a quaint community co-op type building with cool art deco or some other very unique features. I could go to town on this if money was no object.
B. I would hire A-list actors for the four important roles.
C. Firearms would be no object.
D. Having an explosion could have more pyrotechnics
E. We could have a kick-ass girl fight
F. I could build a fantastic special set with tunnels
(Even with all that, I doubt I would need a quadruple budget!!! So…)
G. I would use the extra money to hire the best editors, post production people, crew, etc. and then use more leftover money to market and promote, promote, maybe even promote for an Academy nomination and for publicity to get my film in the best film festivals!
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This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by
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Anna Maganini Writes Great Hope/Fear!
What I learned from this assignment – It was absolutely horrific in some ways, took forever to do the first part on brainstorming so many situations because I thought you had to do ALL of them. THEN – I re-read the instructions and it said pick only five of them to brainstorm – LOL! I had already done all of them! HOWEVER, the ones that were useful to my story I loved brainstorming on, and you never know which ones will be useful for your story. I even thought up a few new situations particular to my story, to brainstorm on. It definitely put my imagination in a more fruitful, creative place.
When I did the 2nd part – putting HOPE and FEAR into each step of my 4-Act structure, I brainstormed all new stuff overnight and in the morning as I lay in bed. So that’s what I used in my 4-act structure, all the new stuff. I only put the second part of the assignment in here – the HOPE and FEAR in the 4-act structure. No use boring you with all the brainstorming I did. But I sure got in a years’ worth of it!
HIGH CONCEPT – A crippled Afghanistan war vet moves into a co-op and gets caught up in neighborly games that turn deadly – especially for vets. But who runs the game?
Character: Rainey moves into a quaint neighborhood and gets caught up in ‘neighborly’ games that turn ominous and even deadly – unless she can find who runs them.
CONFLICT – It’s neighbor against neighbor competing to win and kill the other before they get killed – until they realize it’s them against the game runner
REASON FOR CONTAINMENT – A forced competition in home of one or two of the victims where the only way they may get out alive is to find out who’s running it before they kill each other.
CHARACTERS –
– Rainey is a crippled Afghanistan war vet, 30’s, who moves into a new place wanting to make friends, but she may have another agenda.– Bobo is a young guy, 19 or 20, of Afghan origin, more disabled than she, on oxygen and a wheelchair, who may hold the secret to the games.
– Josh is a psychopath, 40’s war vet with PTSD, deeply in debt, who will easily kill to win
– Kayla, his wife, 30’s, seemingly weak, appears to be the slightly better half of the couple but has more vile intentions than her husband
Supporting – Sack is a gruff old, somewhat suspicious Afghani guy, 70’s, Bobo’s dad.
Supporting – Vincent is the handsome neighbor, 40, that Rainey gets a crush on
Supporting – Bonnie, Rainey’s friend, 40, makes sure she’s moved in, warns of dangers
ACT 1 –
HOPE – Rainey moves in -spectacular open ++++++ but I don’t know what yet.
FEAR – THREAT – Her friend Bonnie warns her about TV news-some psycho is killing vets
HOPE – She laughs it off and bakes cookies for new neighbors
FEAR – HELPLESS – She is crippled and hangs her Purple Heart on the fridge??
HOPE – Cute guy stops by to say hi, invites her to play ‘neighborly’ games, she gives him a plate of cookies
HOPE – Encouraged, she takes a plate of cookies to neighbors Bobo and dad Sack
FEAR – TRAUMA – Bobo is playing an Afghani song on piano, it takes her back to what happened to her in Afghanistan
HOPE – They help revive her with saffron tea and make friends. She invites them to join the neighborly games with her, so they all join the games together.
FEAR – ABUSE – on her way out, she freezes as she hears violent screaming and hitting from another apartment.
HOPE – She makes her way towards that apartment with her last plate of cookies.
FEAR – ABUSE – OPPOSING NEEDS/DESIRES – Josh pushes Kayla, who has a black eye, as they blame each other for stealing a neighbor’s laptop and pawning it (or something more expensive). Now the neighbor has found out and they can’t get it back. He has sent a threatening letter. Kayla answers the door crying, but Josh pushes her back in, shoves Rainey away, so she stumbles, and her cane and cookies fall on the floor.
HOPE – Kayla runs back out, apologizes, helps Rainey pick up her cane and cookies, Rainey tells her to call if she ever needs anything, gives out her phone number. Friends maybe?
FEAR – PERSON ON THE EDGE – Josh comes back out and pulls Kayla back in to more fighting
HOPE – Rainey gets her first neighborly game message in the neighborhood mailbox -‘how long does it take you to bake cookies?’ Several neighbors have already answered. She happily leaves her answer – ‘one hour’ – then leaves her own question – ‘how long did it take you to make friends here?’
FEAR – WARNING – She turns to get her mail. When she turns back, there is already a new answer waiting – ‘don’t make friends here – EVER!’ She turns around – sees no one. WHO LEFT IT?
HOPE – The next day – more answers to her question – “I’m your friend already – She smiles thinking it’s the cute guy. There’s also a new question – How long for piano practice? An answer – half an hour – on a note with Arabic writing, that must be Bobo. She smiles.Writes her own response. Zero minutes – I don’t play music :-((
FEAR – DANGER-MIND GAMES – UNKNOWN THREAT – She enters her apartment, finds a strange note inside her door! Someone’s been in here! ‘Do you want to play a more serious game? How long does it take you to take a shower?’ She’s afraid, makes sure her doors and windows are all locked.
HOPE – She’s locking her last window when she sees the handsome guy come home from work. He waves, she waves back. She decides to answer the questions – ‘Yes’ – and – ‘half hour shower – every evening about this time’. Leaves it outside her door.
FEAR – OUT OF CONTROL SITUATION – WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN? – A few minutes later, a knock, she answers the door – no one there. But there’s a note outside. ‘Well then, let’s meet tomorrow evening – after your half hour shower. In spite of her jitters, she leaves another note. ‘Deal’.
HOPE – she picks out the dress and earrings she will wear tomorrow night.
FEAR – THREAT – MIND GAMES – Josh throws the threatening note at Kayla, who reads it. ‘You must pay me back to get out of debt. How long does it take you to rob an apartment?’ Kayla, tearful but determined, writes an answer – ‘half an hour’. She hands it to Josh, who pins the response outside their door, slams it shut.
HOPE – Rainey gets in the shower ready for what she thinks is a date with the cute guy
FEAR – UNKNOWN THREAT, MIND GAMES – Rainey finds out her watch and all the clocks in her home are missing. She also finds there is a secret door from her bathroom she hadnt noticed before that she can’t open.
FEAR – CRIME VICTIM – As she showers, she hears robbers invade her home-she’s getting robbed!
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ACT 2 – TICKING TIME BOMB
HOPE – When she hears Kayla’s voice, she's relieved, greets her new friend, hoping this is all a big mistake.
FEAR – TICKING TIME BOMB – No mistake. Just as Kayla and Josh find a gun inside the apartment with a note for them, Rainey finds a gun by the shower with a note for her pinned to shower curtain, explaining she is in a game. Shower in exactly a half hour, as robbers rob her in exactly a half hour. Finish first, you kill them. Finish last – they kill you. Finish too early before time is up, and your gun backfires and kills you. NO CLOCKS allowed!
FEAR -INJURY / DEATH / FORCED TO DEAL.. Rainey has a nervous breakdown in the shower, as she’s never killed anyone, even in Afghanistan. She falls and hurts herself.
HOPE – If she has to kill, she must. She starts counting down the half hour, determined to end right on time.
FEAR – OUT OF CONTROL SITUATION – She hears the robbers do the same thing as they want to win too.
FEAR – INJURY – Rainey has forgotten her pills and her cane outside the bathroom.
HOPE – She calls for the robbers to put them inside the bathroom for her, but they refuse.
HOPE – Desperate and hurt, Rainey puts on a bathrobe to go get her cane and pills.
FEAR – UNKNOWN THREAT – But a new note is mysteriously pinned to her shower forbidding her to do it. WHO IS THIS PERSON AND HOW DO THEY GET IN HER HOUSE?
HOPE – Something happens (don’t know what yet) and she discovers the person knows what she’s doing by sense of smell – THE SNIFFER.
FEAR – UNKNOWN THREAT – HOW? WHERE?
HOPE – She rubs charcoal bamboo on herself to mask her smell. Goes out, leaves shower on. It works. THE SNIFFER has no idea.
FEAR – HELPLESS – INJURY – She tries to get her pills but Josh spills them everywhere on purpose and takes her cane.
HOPE – She reaches for the empty tin of pills, hoping there’s one left, sees Kayla puts down a round object the same size as her pill tin. It makes Rainey curious. She takes the tin and her plastic library card off the dresser.
FEAR – PERSON ON THE EDGE – DEATH – Josh is so berserk, he accuses Rainey of ‘finishing too early’ and aims to shoot. Before Kayla can stop him, he shoots Rainey but the gun backfires on him and kills him, just like the note said!
FEAR – MIND GAMES – IMPOSSIBLE ODDS – Sobered and afraid, both Rainey and Kayla get a new note that says even if both sides end on time, they die. Two winners are not allowed; both their guns will backfire and kill them as they kill the other. And, if both finish too late – a bomb goes off, killing both sides. Basically, win or lose, both sides die.
HOPE – They hug; for a moment, it feels like friendship. Rainey asks Kayla to work together and break the rules so they don’t kill each other.
FEAR – OPPOSING NEEDS/DESIRE – DANGER – Kayla says no, as Josh would have wanted to win. They fight. BUT THERE IS NO WAY TO WIN! Unless they find the game runner. But Kayla thinks she has a plan to win.
+++(A couple more things as Rainey goes back to finish her shower, tries to figure out who THE SNIIFER IS, but THE SNIFFER keeps thwarting her plans)
HOPE – Rainey finds the bomb that will supposedly blow them all up. It's deep under her bathroom sink.
FEAR – MIND GAMES / OUT OF CONTROL SITUATION – ATTACK AT ANY MOMENT – What if it goes off? Are they out of time yet? WHAT TIME IS IT?
HOPE – A strange smell comes from her bathroom vent, curry???? The vents! That’s how THE SNIFFER smells what’s going on.
HOPE- And THE SNIFFER gets in and out to leave notes through the mysterious door!
HOPE – Rainey leaves the shower running, rubs bamboo charcoal on herself again, uses the plastic library card to unlock the mysterious door in her bathroom.
FEAR – DANGER – UNKNOWN THREAT – she finds herself in a tunnel, fear and excitement build as she closes in on the game runner.
HOPE – She emerges from the tunnel, finds and unlocks another door, finds herself in Bobo’s house. The house smells of curry. She’s found him! Bobo is the game runner!
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ACT 3 –
HOPE – She finds Bobo playing Afghan songs on the piano, sees all her furniture and belongings piled up in his house, victorious at having found him.
FEAR – MIND GAMES – UNKNOWN THREAT – She accuses him and takes his wheelchair so he can’t move; places the bomb in his apartment. He sobs it’s not him, that Kayla is using his apartment to store the stolen stuff, while his dad went to the store to get ingredients for his curry.
++++ HOPE – (some other stuff that makes her think it’s him even more)
++++ FEAR – (some other stuff that makes her think it’s him even more)
FEAR -TICKING TIME BOMB – Rainey starts moving her stuff back out of Bobo’s apartment, while the bomb ticks down.
FEAR – THREAT – Kayla comes in with another armful of Rainey’s belongings, laughs and admits she was the game player all along. She hates war vets, thinks they have created too many wars. Her husband Josh was also a vet. She has suckered all the vets into her game to kill them.
FEAR – COULD ATTACK AT ANY MOMENT – PERSON ON THE EDGE – Kayla starts a new game since the bomb is in here now. Bobo must play the piano while Rainey accompanies him on the tambourine — until the bomb goes off. Maybe if they play fast enough, she might spare them.
FEAR – TICKING TIME BOMB – Rainey and Bobo both try to play the piano and tambourine as fast as they can – while Kayla keeps moving Raineys stuff in.
FEAR – DEATH- DESTRUCTION – Kayla says Time’s UP! She takes out the round object she thinks is her bomb detonator and game control box.
HOPE – She finds she is holding Rainey’s empty pill tin.
HOPE – Rainey shows Kayla she’s the one with the bomb detonator/control box. She had taken that from the dresser instead of the pill tin.
HOPE – All along a deep part of Rainey suspected Kayla! Kayla’s game is up!
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ACT 4
HOPE – Rainey is the true game runner now. She’s got the bomb and the detonator.
FEAR – DEATH – DESTRUCTION – She realizes Kayla has a gun and she doesn’t have hers.
HOPE – The half hour is not quite up yet. If Kayla shoots, it will backfire on herself.
FEAR – DEATH – DESTRUCTION – Kayla cocks the gun anyway and aims.
HOPE – Bobo throws himself at Kayla and the gun slides towards Rainey. She picks it up.
FEAR – IMPENDING DOOM – She can’t shoot with her crippled right hand and body. Just then the control device stops clicking. TIME’S UP!
FEAR – DEATH – DESTRUCTION – Kayla runs out and recovers Rainey’s gun from the apartment, starts shooting through the wall. Rainey, out of fear, starts shooting through the wall at random.
HOPE – Kayla gets hit and stops shooting. Maybe this is over.
FEAR – OUT OF CONTROL SITUATION – Wait! The bomb is about to blow! Rainey stumbles out of Bobo’s apartment, screams at him to crawl his way out!
HOPE – Rainey and Bobo make it back to Raineys apartment.
FEAR – OUT OF CONTROL SITUATION – PERSON ON EDGE – DEATH -DESTRUCTION – HELPLESS – But Kayla drags herself like a torpedo into the apartment also, lunges on top of Rainey. They have a ferocious girl fight which crippled Rainey is losing. Bobo looks paralyzed.
HOPE – Rainey screams at Bobo to crawl himself to the phone and call police. He tries to…
HOPE – Rainey reveals she’s a war vet helping Veterans’ Affairs investigate recent killings against veterans – and Kayla is going down.
FEAR – DEATH – DESTRUCTION – But Kayla is strangling her, taking her time, enjoying it.
HOPE – ???? SURPRISE ENDING ??? Vincent is at the door with flowers. Hello? We had a date.
FEAR – DEATH – DESTRUCTION – Suddenly the bomb goes off, blowing up Bobo’s apartment.
HOPE – But they are fine. Vincent takes it all in and takes some rope and ties Kayla up with it.
HOPE – He takes out his phone to call 911. Sirens already sound in the background.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by
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Hi all,
I am reaching out to see if anyone wants to trade outline critiques with me when we are ready.I am looking for –
1 – Someone preferably who does thrillers or drama, since I'm doing a psychological thriller.
2 – Someone who likes to give full and thorough critiques, and I will too.
Thank you. I will be ready sometime (updated to either Monday or Tuesday night of Oct. 7-8) since there are a lot of passes, but Hal said to be looking for a partner right away, even if we aren’t ready right away.
I hope to hear from you. Anna – my email is – annamaganini@sbcglobal.net
PS – I forgot to add my story details –
HALF HOUR SHOWER (Definitely NOT the title – just a placeholder until I brainstorm a title)
Genre – Psychological Thriller
HIGH CONCEPT –
Play with your neighbors – but in this game, win or lose, you die.LOGLINE – A crippled Afghanistan war vet moves into a co-op and gets caught up in neighborly games that turn deadly – especially for vets. But who runs the game?
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This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 7 months ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by
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Anna Maganini’s 4-Act Structure!
What I learned in this assignment –
I got some crappy stuff, but I revel in the crappy stage, as I will find the layers and intrigues and ways to elevate it. Right now, it’s just about getting some kind of structure on paper, crappy as it is. I don’t even have any kind of exciting opening yet, and the whole thing needs more action and better turning points and reveals. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like I’m writing structural things, but I know I am still figuring it out and using the paper to think it out. It will come. I did some more brainstorming, which changed things a bit from Lesson 6. And of course, I will change more as I go and find deeper things.
1. Tell us the following:
Concept – A woman is tricked into taking a half hour shower while neighbors rob her home, but in this neighborly game, both sides will die, no matter who wins.
Main Conflict – A neighborly game turns into a life and death struggle for the contestants – until they find out who is running the game.2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.
Act 1:
Opening – Rainey, a crippled woman, moves into a quaint neighborhood. Eager to make friends, she flirts with the cute guy and bakes everyone homemade —-? She makes friends with a young disabled kid and his dad, an old peacenik. Neighbors start including her in their games, posting notes in each others’ mailboxes with harmless riddles about each others’ daily lives. Rainey encourages the old man to join the games and she will too. They join together.
Inciting Incident – A note in Rainey’s mailbox gets personal, asks her to commit to a more serious game. Thinking it’s the cute guy flirting with her, she says yes. Things escalate quickly when she finds a note inside her home! – asking her how long she takes a shower. It frightens her but she answers – half an hour. Meanwhile she meets a couple of unpleasant neighbors who —-???
Turning Point – Rainey finds all the clocks in her house are missing. She takes a shower, thinking she’s getting ready for a date with the cute guy – when robbers invade her house! It’s the unpleasant couple next door.
Act 2:
New plan- She finds a gun near the shower and a note pinned to her shower curtain that explains the game she’s in. She must shower in exactly half an hour, while the robbers rob her in exactly half an hour – no clocks. Finish first, you kill the opponent. Finish last – they kill you. But finish too early before the time is up, and your weapon backfires and kills you.
Plan in action – Rainey has a nervous breakdown in the shower as she’s never killed anyone. But she starts counting down the half hour, determined to end right on time. The thieves in her house are doing the same thing.
Midpoint Turning Point – When Rainey tries to put on a bathrobe to talk to the robbers about a compromise, she gets another note pinned to her shower forbidding her to do it and she discovers the person running the games knows what she’s doing by sense of smell! THE SNIFFER! He smelled her coming out of the shower! Another note tells her that even if both sides end on time, they die. Two winners are not allowed, and both their guns will backfire and kill them as they kill the other. Oh, if both finish too late – a bomb will go off, killing both sides.
Act 3:
Rethink everything – Basically both sides find out, that win or lose, they die. Rainey tries to compromise with the robbers so neither side shoots.They refuse. But she finds out they were suckered into the game to get out of deep debt. When she tries to get her medication and walker and canes she left outside the bathroom door, the robbers try to shoot her. Instead the gun backfires and Kayla dies, because she shot the gun too early.
New plan – The only option is to find THE SNIFFER’S identity and stop the game before the half hour is up.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – She tries to outsmart THE SNIFFER’S nose with charcoal bamboo to mask her smell, gets far enough to discover a locked door that leads to — tunnels. But THE SNIFFER finds out and threatens her with ——??
Act 4:
Final plan – Josh tries to fool Rainey on how much time is left, while Rainey figures out that THE SNIFFER gets in to leave them notes through the tunnels – and can smell things through the air vents.
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Without canes, she half stumbles and falls through the tunnels and stairs to find THE SNIFFER, running the game from his apartment, complete with a clock and bomb detonator plus smell and hearing aids connected to the vents???. But she can’t see who it is, as he has his back turned. A note outside his locked door challenges her to shoot him to see if her gun will backfire.
Resolution – Afraid and unable to shoot well with her paralyzed gun hand and body, he urges her to use her left hand. She finds out who THE SNIFFER is when he turns around. It’s the young disabled kid, a virulent anti war activist who wants to kill anyone who’s served in the military, and he already knew she was a former soldier, and thereby tried to kill both Rainey and Josh, another vet. Kayla was just collateral and a sociopath.
Ending is – In fact, he shoots her as encouragement. Afraid, unable to escape, and out of options, she shoots spastically through the wall with her left hand out of sheer desperation. Her awkward shots somehow hit him. Too late – the explosion he promised goes off. BUT – not in her apartment. it is his apartment that blows up, sending her flying through the air but OK. When she shot him, the suicide explosive vest he was wearing went off.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by Anna Maganini.
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Anna Maganini’s Delivering Multiple Layers!
WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS… Tough lesson for me. I feel like I’m going around in circles. I got my mind in a froth – but maybe that’s good.
1. Brainstorm potential plot layers.
Major scheme revealed – (Neighborly game goes from friendly -to ominous and dangerous, Rainey turns from helpless victim to avenger, Kayla and Josh have their own nefarious plan to cheat and kill Rainey first, Rainey’s apartment has secret tunnels and rooms, the villain was the kindly old man all along, villain dies by his own hand, Rainey’s preparation for a date turns into a robbery of her home, Kayla and Josh thought they were doing ——, /robbing a store/, robbing back the object from pawn shop/robbing some bootleg/but they are robbing a cripple’s house
Mystery revealed -Who is THE SNIFFER, how can he smell and hear everything you do, how do his notes get into your apartment? How does Rainey figure out THE SNIFFER’S identity? WHY is THE SNIFFER doing this?
Thought it was one thing, but it is another – thought it was a neighborly game, but it turns into a cruel, and random game, which turns into a very targeted game against Rainey, the quaint apartment and neighborhood turns into a series of tunnels and warrens through which THE SNIFFER moves
Major shift in Meaning – the games that were so friendly become invasive and dangerous, old man knows Rainey’s history all along and has it in for her
Hidden history – Both Rainey and the old man have hidden histories- he has some Arabic word/motto in his home. Rainey, a former soldier in Afghanistan, later remembers it and pieces it together with other clues, realizes it’s him OR – old man is a former race car driver or stunt devil who wants the old adrenalin rush and the games in which someone dies are his way to do it
Hidden plan – Rainey seems helpless but she thinks on her feet – bamboo to hide her smell so she can go exploring while she is supposedly taking a shower, she finds a tunnel that connects to old guy’s home, she finds the vent they all share through which he smells her home and the couple’s when she smells something from him
2. Brainstorm potential character layers.
Secret identity – Rainey is no helpless cripple, but a trained former soldier in Afghanistan, Old man is no regular old man but a rabid anti-war activist, out to kill soldiers who served and support war (fewer soldiers, fewer people to fight wars) Josh also fought in Iraq, so he is also targeted, Kala is just collateral and an unpleasant person – OR – old man is a former race car driver or stunt devil who longs to get back the adrenalin rush of younger days
Intrigue layers – The old man seems friendly and helpless but is targeting his neighbors for their service, Rainey seems crippled and helpless but has a sharp soldier’s man and can get herself out of scrapes, Kayla seems evil but turns out to be bigger-hearted, Josh seems like a good soul but turns out to reworking with THE SNIFFER
Hidden relationships and conspiracies – Josh and THE SNIFFER have conspired together, At one point Rainey thinks Josh will collaborate with her, but Kayla is the one who approaches Rainey and they conspire to bring the race down. Rainey and the old man have some soldier history in common.– Hidden Character history – Rainey is a former soldier in Afghanistan, Old man was once a soldier until he deserted, Josh is in the same anti war group as the old man, Kayla is ????? OR – Old man is a former race car driver or stunt devil who pines for the adrenalin rush he used to get
3. Brainstorm potential location layers.
Hidden operation – the game is really a race that ends in people’s death, a seemingly random that reaily targets Rainey because of her soldier history
Deeper meaning – the old man feels a deep kinship to his religion and the land of his birth (which is Afghanistan), Rainey feels she must survive for her child
Trap to draw prey – the games are one big trap to draw people the old man feels destroyed his country, the old man craves excitement from the days he was a spy/race car driver, stunt devil
Unique sub-world – a world of tunnels and secret rooms leading from Rainey’s apartment, a section of neighbors into evil games against neighbors, a section of rabid anti-war neighbors, a section of neighbors wanting to get rid of the disabled, veterans, other races, gays, etc. – The old man loves flirting with death – he was a former race car driver / stunt devil / spy
4. Tell us about the layers you’ve chosen. Use this format with each of them:
Surface Layer: Friendly, neighborly game
Beneath That: Win or Lose, people die
How Revealed: They each find a gun outside their door with step by step notes that slowly show the players the gravity of life and death situation they’re in
Surface Layer: Old man is the last one you’d suspect as the villain
Beneath That: He is THE SNIFFER and mastermind getting people to kill each other
How Revealed: Rainey, in a seemingly awkward, neophyte shooting of her gun through his wall, manages to shoot and kill him, AND blow up his oxygen tank, as he has his finger on the computer button that was about to blow up Rainey and the couple to smithereens.
Surface Layer: Rainey’s quaint apartment building
Beneath That: a warren of secret tunnels and rooms through which THE SNIFFER moves and spies on his victims
How Revealed: Rainey finds it, by ———-???
Surface Layer: Rainey is a crippled lonely lady wanting to make friends
Beneath That: She is a former soldier in Afghanistan, trained in intel gathering
How Revealed: when she confronts THE SNIFFER ???
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This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by
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Anna Maganini’s Character Journeys!
What I learned doing this assignment – I have a long way to go in building the story and journey…but it’s a start. I know it will eventually grow many more layers and intrigues.
Also – I did more a a four-act journey for each the characters, since I like to write with the idea of the 4 acts, and didn’t want to get confused. It probably doesn’t matter.
FOR EACH CHARACTER CREATE –
RAINEY –
Beginning: A lonely, crippled woman moves into a quaint neighborhood and her attraction to a cute neighbor draws her into sharing neighborly messages, that ask and guess harmless questions about each other – at first. A note she thinks is from the cute guy gets ominous, demands she ‘commit’ to a higher level game – and asks how long does she take in the shower? She commits to the game – and answers – half an hour.
Turning Point 1: After more notes, she is taking a shower, thinking she’s preparing for a date with the cute neighbor, when strangers invade her house and start robbing it!
Midpoint TP 2: She finds out another neighbor – THE SNIFFER – is behind the game. No one knows who it is, but both she and the robbers are pawns in his game – she must take a shower in a half hour while they rob her in a half hour – no clocks. Finish last and you die – but finish before the half hour and the opponent gets to kill you before they die.
Turning Point 3: She tries to get the robbers to cooperate to foil the game, but they refuse. She’s on her own and does something ——- ???
Dilemma: Kill someone else in order to stay alive
4th Act Climax: As both sides try to gauge how long they’ve got before the other side finishes and kills them, Rainey figures out who the SNIFFER is and goes after him, crippled and all. He’s a harmless-looking old man who needs an oxygen tank.
Ending: She must stop the game before the half hour is up. Not knowing how to shoot, she manages to misfire right on target through a wall and kill the old guy, and blow up his oxygen tank, causing a big explosion. ( I know explosions are big budget – this is what I’ve got now, until I figure the story out more).
THE SNIFFER –
Beginning: He pretends helplessness as Rainey helps him water his garden and wonders if it’s a good idea to play the neighborly game.
Turning Point 1: He gets her to join the game by saying he’ll join too. They join together.
Midpoint – TP 2: The old man becomes the victim of one of the messages. How—-??? He has to be hospitalized for a while – or so, neighbors think. Instead he’s at home, planning the half hour game – secretly drawing in Rainey, and threatening the neighbor couple or rob or die in debt.
Turning Point 3: When he finds out they are trying to cooperate, he launches a worse punishment – they will blow up at the end, no matter who wins. There’a one way out, but it’s not in cooperation and he won’t tell them what that one way is.
Dilemma: Play a safer game so they don’t rebel – or play to kill and keep his power
4th Act Climax: Rainey figures out who he is and finds him before the game blows up.
Ending: She kills him and he dies in his own explosion.
KAYLA –
Beginning: She and her husband Josh refuse to join in the neighborly games as they try to figure out lowlife ways to get out of debt.
Turning Point 1: She talks Josh into robbing someone’s ——-??? And they sell it. But the mysterious SNIFFER finds out it was them who stole his —-??? – he forces them into the game where they will rob the cripple to pay off their debt.
Midpoint – TP 2: They break into Rainey’s house but Josh is having second thoughts about robbing a cripple. Kayla threatens to out his kiddie porn to the police unless he does it, so he agrees.
Turning Point 3: Another crisis when they’re robbing the house and Josh wants to cooperate with Rainey to foil the game instead of trying to outsmart and kill each other, but Kayla does ——????
Dilemma: Kill her husband so he doesn’t endanger the game – or sweet talk him into beating the cripple, killing her, and winning the game.
4th Act Climax: Kayla and Josh finish right on time- they think, but she loses control of him and he takes the gun, refuses to kill anyone.
Ending: As they fight for the gun, it goes off, helping set off the chain reaction that causes THE SNIFFER explosion===????
JOSH –
Beginning: Josh agrees with his wife and refuses to join in the neighborly games, while she browbeats him into figuring out surefire lowlife criminal ways to beat their debt.
Turning Point 1: He robs someone’s ——??? because Kayla forces him to. And they sell it. But the mysterious SNIFFER finds out it was they who stole his —-? – he forces them into the neighborly game, and orders them to rob the cripple to pay off their debt.
Midpoint – TP 2: Josh wants out of the robbery right in the middle of it, but Kayla threatens she will go to the police about his kiddie porn and he has no choice but to go through with it.
Turning Point 3: Josh sees another out, when Rainey asks them to cooperate in foiling the robbing-showering game. He wants to cooperate, but Kayla does —-? to stop him.
Dilemma: Be good and die – or be bad and beat and kill the opponent.
4th Act Climax: He has a final Come to God moment as they finish first and on time, but he grabs the gun and refuses to shoot anyone.
Ending: As they fight for it, the gun goes off, helping to set off a chain reaction that helps cause THE SNIFFER explosion.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by Anna Maganini. Reason: I don't know why my posts always come out in one big writing bloc, no matter how I format it. So I always have to go back in and edit it, by using a lot more spaces
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Lesson 4 – Discovering Character Depth –
Anna Maganini’s Character Depth!!
What I learned doing this assignment was – how you can find new conflicts between characters that heighten the story – based on their profiles and interactions caused by those profiles.
Character: Rainey moves into a quaint neighborhood and gets caught up in ‘neighborly’ games that turn ominous and even deadly
Internal Character Depth
Motivation: Her loneliness drives her to join in games, make friends and connect
Secret: She’s a former Afghanistan soldier and was crippled by polio while there
Wound: Her fiance broke up with her when she came back crippled
Subtext: She is not as helpless as she seems
Layers: She can take care of herself in difficult situations. Having been in intel gathering, ironically she can’t shoot a gun
Need/Want: – She needs love, friends, & companionship. She wants to do whatever it takes to not die, to kill if need be.
Character to character
Conflict: She becomes a victim of neighborly games in her effort to join in; THE SNIFFER uses her crush on a neighbor to draw her in, she must beat the robbers who invade her home and THE SNIFFER who runs the game – AND try to keep herself from dying
Hidden Agenda:She must secretly find ways to beat the robbers and THE SNIFFER
Conspiracy: Tries to find a way to cooperate with the robbers so neither side dies
Intrigue: The game that pits her against the robbers, if either one is early or late, they die; they must do this without clocks. But she intends to end the game on her terms…
Character Situation
Dilemma: Either she dies, or someone else dies.
Secret Identity: She is an Afghanistan soldier with many hidden skills – she’s got a mind like a steel trap
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Character: Kayla wears the pants in her domestic partnership with Josh and is all gung-ho about robbing the cripple’s house. She is a total psychopath.
Internal Character Depth
Motivation: Taken advantage of all her life, she now takes advantage of those who are weaker, doesn’t care what happens to others
Secret: She would like to be a better person
Wound: Alcoholic, abusive father, former abusive husband, current husband Josh is only a hair better
Subtext: She must be mean and heartless in order to save herself
Layers: Part of her feels sorry for the crippled lady but she stuffs it down, gets meaner
Need/Want: Need-to be loved and treated well/ her want is to get even and smash people
Character to character
Conflict: She will rip the cripple and her house apart if it gets her out of debt, so it’s easy for her to fall in THE SNIFFER’S clutches
Hidden Agenda: She wants to kill THE SNIFFER for forcing her into debt
Conspiracy: She is out to win the game with Josh at all costs
Intrigue: Kayla is an equal opportunity crusher. She will crush the cripple, THE SNIFFER, and anyone who gets in her way, even her husband.
Character Situation
Dilemma: Kill to win / or / Cooperate and risk losing
Secret Identity: She likes to crochet and be homey
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Character: Josh, desperate to end his debt, gives in to his wife and agrees to the robbery. He operates as the timer person to make sure they stay on time.
Internal Character Depth
Motivation: His gambling helped get them in debt and he needs to placate his wife. His low self esteem also makes him want to please.
Secret: He would like to be an artist-painter
Wound: Molested by his dad and mom, he trusts no one except Kayla
Subtext: He tries to act tough to make up for his shortcomings
Layers: He is a softie deep down, but can’t show it around Kayla. He needs to prove his toughness to his wife – which could make him dangerous to Rainey.
Need/Want: He needs Kayla to love and approve of him/ He wants to wear the pants once in a while
Character to character
Conflict: Hounded by debt, his wife, and THE SNIFFER, he has no choice but to give in to the game. He is constantly trying to soften Kayla’s harsh solutions, but she and THE SNIFFER force him to prove his toughness. He wants to give in to Rainey’s pleas for cooperation but Kayla says NO. He needs to prove his toughness to his wife – which could make him dangerous to Rainey.
Hidden Agenda: He secretly wants to work with Rainey to beat THE SNIFFER
Conspiracy: He might be in cahoots with Rainey if he can get away from Kayla
Intrigue: He secretly wants this to end without anyone dying
Character Situation
Dilemma: Get deeper in debt / Or rob a helpless person to end his problems
Secret Identity: A gentle soul and do-gooder
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Character:THE SNIFFER is an evil cynic who runs games on his neighbors for kicks and knows what everyone is doing by smell and hearing. His identity is a mystery.
Internal Character Depth
Motivation: He is bitter at ((the Gen-X’ers taking over his neighborhood, wants to drive them out and have some evil fun doing it. Just cause. I want to think of something better than this motivation – It's just a place holder for now)))
Secret: He is a vulnerable old man on oxygen.
Wound: He is dying and wants to take it out on the world
Subtext: He somehow seems to know what all his neighbors are doing
Layers: He seems like an all powerful being, bu is deep down afraid of getting found out
Need/Want: He needs to feel important and worthwhile in the world / He wants to batter the world before he goes
Character to character
Conflict: He orders his neighbors to do things and has such uncanny knowledge of them, they’re intimidated into doing what he says. He finds their vulnerabilities.
Hidden Agenda: He has an uncanny sense of smell and hearing that helps him to know what his neighbors are doing. He can sense their vulnerabilities and how to get them to play his games.
Conspiracy: He is in it alone, but makes neighbors feel everyone else is in on the game, and they must follow along
Intrigue-He knows what neighbors are doing but they don’t know WHO HE IS, so he is all powerful to them. In the end, who he really is (an old man on oxygen) makes his fall so much bigger.Character Situation
Dilemma: Chase power and die alone / Or Make Amends and die in peace
Secret Identity: A dying old man who can’t breathe without oxygen.
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3. Compare the character profiles to each other to see what conflicts can emerge from them. These are some of the newer conflicts I am seeing –
With Rainey, I saw that her need to be loved and her crush on a neighbor are what draw her into the game.
With Kayla, her desperation and wish to get out of debt helps her fall into the clutches of THE SNIFFER, so she becomes an unlikely victim, but his victim nonetheless.
That makes Kayla also want to kill him, which could provide new avenues for conflict with THE SNIFFER and for (maybe?) for cooperating with Rainey to save themselves?
Kayla may also have it in with her husband if he gets in her way, so that’s more conflict that could give Rainey a way into them.
For Josh, he tries to soften Kayla’s harsh solutions, which could mean Rainey might have an opening with him for cooperation.
At the same time, he needs to prove his toughness to his wife – which could make him dangerous to Rainey.
For THE SNIFFER, he has all the power as he seems to know what all his neighbors do all the time, while they don’t even know who he is.
But in the end, who he really is (an old man on oxygen) makes his fall so much bigger.
I don’t think I have a very good motivation for THE SNIFFER yet that I am satisfied with. But when I find it, that will provide so many new possibilities for conflict.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by
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Hi everyone,
My name is Anna. I am late getting on this, because I wasn’t getting the lessons or access to the course – I didn’t even know we were supposed to be doing lessons! I have written several scripts, some have promise if I rework the structure, but there is only one I am marketing so far, which I finished after doing the WIM course, and it’s the only one with a good structure. I now have several ideas for a contained script, one of which I hope to create during and after this course.
Unusual about me – hmmm…I am just a little bit ‘off’ to be a bit of an oddball, not enough to have any glaringly interesting…well, OK, in different phases in my life, I have lived in houseboats, caves, treehouse, Himalayan huts, a beachy cove, tents, bushes (I got poison oak that time), communal arrangements (never again), and the usual assortment of generic houses and apartments, though I am sure I’ve missed a few. -
Anna Maganini’s Right Characters –
What I learned – it strengthened my ideas on the characters and their traits and history, but also it made me see how these traits interact to create a more impactful story, hook, and conflict
How each character uniquely fits the hook?
Rainey is a crippled woman, which adds to her helplessness when thieves invade her house and an unknown SNIFFER dictates her every move. But she’s also a former Afghanistan soldier, trained to find solutions in the worst situations.
The couple who rob her, Josh and Elaine, are tough sociopaths, who will seemingly do anything, even kill, without emotion. But are they really? Desperate and deeply in debt, they are forced by the SNIFFER to commit crimes they don’t want to do.
The SNIFFER smells and hears anything going on in neighbors’ homes and forces them to do evil things for his pleasure. He is later unmasked as a vulnerable old man.
How does each character enhance or cause the conflict or hook?
– Crippled, helpless Rainey seems like a sitting duck for evil doers.
– She wants to fit in and belong so much, she willingly plays a strange ‘neighborly’ game that grows ominous.
– The game takes advantage of her crush on a certain neighbor
– She is helpless in the shower as crimes are committed against her
– She uses her soldierly skills to break the game and all its rules just before the ticking time bomb blows them all up.
Josh and Elaine are forced into the game to get out of debt
But they’re volatile and unstable and threaten their own lives and Rainey’s throughout
At first they appear to run the show with aggressive bravado.
But they turn out to be the weakest villains.
THE SNIFFER is a brilliant strategist with an evil mind who devises evil games
His sharp olfactory & hearing abilities allow him to know what neighbors are doing
He controls them by exploiting their vulnerabilities
No one knows who he is.
Rainey unmasks him as a vulnerable old man in the most explosive way possible
These characters help feed the hook and conflict, and their contrasting natures interact in a way that raises the stakes for the conflict in the story and with each other.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by
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LESSON 2 –
Anna Maganini Great Hook –
What did you learn doing this assignment? – I have found something I love and a way of brainstorming that is really fun for me and leads to many fertile ideas. And that was the – Intriguing Contained Setting – Unique Device – Unique Monster – Mystery – Impossible goal/Unsolvable problem – Unique layers guidelines. I will use this for many other scripts!
Taking your 5 ideas from the Pre-Lesson, use the techniques below to brainstorm possible major hooks. (I did it for all five ideas but I am only posting the one I am actually doing for this class.
A couple must rob a woman’s house in the half an hour she takes a shower. But there’s a catch. If they fall early or behind, they die. If the victim falls early or behind, she dies.
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A. Intriguing Contained Setting: Victim’s house, a strange ‘idyllic’ little community with over-friendly neighbors, a greenhouse, a neighborhood in a ghost town with only a handful of neighbors, a beautiful resort hotel, a ship, an rv community, a houseboat community, a senior living community, a swamp shantytown community, a trailer home in a homeless community, a desert community that has moved into refurbished bomb shelters an old neighborhood of homes that were nuked by nearby radiation
B. Unique Device: She can’t finish early or late, her robbers can’t finish early or late, or they die there is a time bomb-they must all sign an agreement that they will follow the rules of the game-each step gets players more involved in the game, and they must give up something valuable at each step that they will lose if they don’t follow the rules – maybe a game of attrition. Or – Predators take over a vulnerable woman’s house, pretending they’re destitute. Or – Victim thinks she’s preparing for a romantic night with the next door neighbor. Couple on the other side wants to get a debtor off their back.
C. Unique Monster/Villain:
The Poet sends people letters that detail disturbing intimate details of their lives until he rules their lives and seems to know everything they’re doing and maneuvers them into doing terrible things – or they die. The Feeler – can tell what you are doing in your house kinesthetically – *** The Sniffer – can tell what you’re doing in your house by sense of smell – the Ear-bat – can tell what you’re doing in your house by hearing. The Taster – can tell what you’re doing in your house by tasteD. Mystery: Neighbors play a game, but it’s being taken over by someone who has evil intent – WHO? And how does evil-doer seem to hear and smell anything happening in your home? A neighbor is bent on evil-doing=but WHY? An evil presence has taken over the game – but HOW? A mysterious neighbor wants to do something bad-but WHAT? A stranger wants to take over the neighborhood-but WHY? Several people are targeted-but WHY? There may be a solution to the predicament victims are in-but WHAT?
E. Impossible goal/Unsolvable problem – Victim and robbers must finish their task at the exact same time, no clocks, any different outcome and they die, until they find out, even with the winning outcome they die. Is there an escape? A crippled woman must beat her two healthy opponents and find her mysterious evil villain’s identity before the bombs and guns go off. SMELL – the vents
F. Unique layers: MC may be partly crippled and eager to make friends, but watch out – she is a former soldier in Afghanistan, hardened and sharp. Bad tough robbers are really a desperate couple pushed into robbing her. The Sniffer ends up being a harmless old man whose oxygen tank combines with petrol oil and his quartz and granite rocks to create an explosion – he wanted people out of his community taken over by GEN-X types with money
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2. Ask the High Concept Question.
Having to do with ___________, what haven’t we seen before?A ticking clock
A half hour shower and a half hour robbery
If either opponent is early or late, they’re dead
And if they both finish on time??? – They’re dead.
But there is a possible solution – maybe.
MC – is crippled BUT a former Afghanistan soldier3. Pick one and do the Exchanging Components process.
Component A – Tenants in an apartment building
-OR –
Hippies in a new age community //
Scientists in a lab //
Architects on an island //
Patients in a Nuthouse or Hospital //
Inmates in a prison //
Travelers in a youth hostel //
Magicians at a Magic Convention Hotel //
Musicians at a rehearsal hall //
Voodoo worshippers at a Santeria retreat //=============
Component B – Villain – An unseen SNIFFER who smells and hears everything
-OR –
A dominatrix who thrives on others’ anxiety and pain //
A shapeless monster who feels everything kinetically //
A computer nerd who can’t feel anything but stress and pain of others //
A group conspiracy/evil neighbors-scientists-inmates-patients-nurses-hippies-magicians //
A disgruntled boyfriend //
A teen wanting to stir up trouble //
A bored old man //
The Grand Voodoo lady-schooled in black magic //=============
Component C – The Challenge – a half hour shower and a half hour robbery
= OR –
An architectural experiment – a bridge //
A race to find a way out of their cell – hospital room //
A race to find hidden gold treasure //
A piano and/or saxophone rehearsal //
A crocheting and butter churning contest //
A race to kill an enemy with voodoo doll //=
=============Component D – The Catch – If they are early or late in tasks, they die, no clocks allowed
– OR –
If they make a mistake, they die //
If their product doesn’t work, they die //
If they don’t find the treasure -or find it too early or late – they die //
If they don’t build the bridge – on time – they die //
If voodoo doll doesn’t work – on time – they die //===============
Component E – Method of Death – By bomb and each others’ guns
– OR –
The other group blows up their bridge with them under it //
They die by tree traps, wood darts, etc. //
They die by pins on voodoo dolls by all their Santeria colleagues //I kept most of my original concept with a few ideas I got from doing this exercise –
GEN-X-ers at a new age community – run by the mysterious SNIFFER, who smells and hears everything – get suckered into a task – one must take a half hour shower while two others rob her home. The catch – if either side finishes early or late, they die. No clocks allowed.
How did this process work for you? I LOVED the first part the most – totally in love with – Intriguing Contained Setting – Unique Device – C. Unique Monster – D. Mystery – E. Impossible goal/Unsolvable problem – F. Unique layers. These provided incredible avenues for brainstorming for me that took all five of my ideas into whole new levels. I had so much fun doing it.
The part 2 seemed redundant to me after I had done so much groundbreaking on part 1, but you never know what will spark.
Part 3 was kind of cool and a whole other way of brainstorming, but I think the ideas I brainstormed here were often silly and/or did not fire up my imagination as much as as what I did in part 1.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by
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😀ANNA MAGANINI'S VERSION OF EYES WIDE SHUT
LESSON 1 –
WHAT I LEARNED –
I learned that to contain a movie, the story must change some, but it’s an opportunity to create more character and layers and other things that don’t need a lot of different locations and people.Also, having to think about how contained my movie is and why made me think more deeply about it and the characters needed, and I came up with some great traits and wound and history and secret identity for the m.c.
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PART 1 –
Go through your five ideas and determine which of them can easily fit these guidelines for a contained project. – HALF AN HOUR IN THE SHOWER.A. It can be done as a contained story. – Main character’s apartment, a couple of outside yard and porch shots, and a couple of scenes in an adjoining apartment.
B. Something unique about it – Two people in a life or death competition must do their task right on time or they die – while trying to outsmart each other and their game player.
C. You can write a pitch in one or two sentences. – Thieves must rob a woman’s house in half an hour as she takes a shower. There’s a catch. If she runs early or late, she dies. If they run early or late, they die.
D. It can be written for high entertainment. – Lots of escalating tension, a memorable main character with wound, secret, opposing want-need, sub-text, secret identity and past that will affect the outcome of the story. A frightening mysterious SNIFFER that runs the game – and nothing escapes its-his knowledge.
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PART 2 –
Rethink a bigger movie as a contained project- Pick a movie with a bigger budget and lots of locations and give us your thoughts on how they could have make it as a contained movie.
TITLE: EYES WIDE SHUT
AS THEY DID IT:
A. Locations – MANY AND A LOT OF UNNECESSARY ONES – the mansion where sex party happens, another mansion party, inside other homes, mansions, and cheap apartments, street shots, the main couple’s home, tuxedo rental store, various scenes of the main couple in various locations – like ferris wheel ride park, Christmas store, plus a couple of nightclubs, many other locations.
B. People – giant party scene with dozens of people, maybe hundreds, many supporting or day player characters, lots of crowd scenes and extras outside – A-list stars Tom Cruise and Nichole Kidman-lots of money
C. Stunts – lots of action scenes, a car chase or two
D. Extras – lots of outside crowd scenes
E. Wardrobe – very exotic and varied wardrobes
CONTAINED VERSION:
A. Locations – mainly the sex party mansion and the couple’s house
B. People – the two stars can be lesser A-list or even B-list stars, and cut out some of the less necessary supporting characters to make the movie more about just the couple and their problems that are exacerbated by the sex party
C. Stunts – keep stunts to what happens at the sex party, no car chase scenes or city scenes, etc.
D. Extras – cut out most or all outside crowd shots and extras
E. Wardrobe – still need exotic sex costumes, I would not change that
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This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by
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TO CHERYL – I have tried contacting you through customer service time and again about this issue. And you have been totally unresponsive. WHEN WILL MODULE 10 START?? It has been weeks since we finished Module 9, and all I get for all my messages is radio silence. Can you please answer? This is atrocious customer service.
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Jeffrey, I emailed you. Did you get my script?
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MODULE 9 – LESSON 4 – EXCHANGE FEEDBACK
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies, with me in a leading role. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – Well, no one answered by call to exchange feedback. So lacking that, I asked myself – ‘what if I was Ben Affleck critiquing this script that was submitted to his Greenlight contest? How would he look at it? Of course, I am not Ben Affleck, but just trying to put on a different cap on my head, I re-read and critiqued my own script from that POV. And I came up with a lot of things I hadn’t seen before. It was really helpful. And I have been making those changes to my script, which has kept on elevating it.
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MODULE 9 – LESSON 3 – PROOFREADING
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies, with me in a leading role. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – Still finding changes I thought I didn’t needed to make. And continuing elevate and make the script better!
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MODULE 9 – LESSON 2 -WORDSMITHING
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies, with me in a leading role. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – Again, each time I think, well, my screenplay is already great and it is streamlined enough. And again, I end up making so many improvements I hadn’t thought it needed. And my screenplay is now even more streamlined and a better read than before! It has been cut by quite a few pages too, which is good.
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MODULE 9 – LESSON 1 – ELEVATE KEY OR REPETITIVE WORDS
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. With me in a leading role. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – I thought my screenplay was pretty streamlined with the action, but doing this made me see how much extra wordage I was using. I had been worried my screenplay was creeping into the 117 page danger zone, but I was able to cut almost 5 pages jus doing this exercise!
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MODULE 8 – LESSON 7
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – I was getting a little drained because I had done so much work on this entire Module 8, that this lesson 7 seemed like redundant overkill. So I didn’t do too much as I felt I had already done all of it several times over. Mainly, I worked on the couple of monologues that I had reworked in the previous lesson that I still wasn’t happy with and made them better. I also reworked one main other scene. But if there was any surprise in this lesson, it was that I was pretty pleased that I had already reworked so many lines and made them much better. But this Mastery checklist is still good to have.
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MODULE 8 – LESSON 6 – MONOLOGUES
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – I found it inspiring to read this lesson and see the sample monologues, especially Devil Wears Prada. I was all gung ho to write the best monologues I’ve ever written. But I’m not sure it worked out that way. It sure was fun trying. But I think I made the monologues too long and on the nose and I think my kind of thriller script calls less for monologues and more for quick, outwitting-the-enemy banter. I may change the monologues back to the originals, or work on them some more. But it’s all part of the learning process.
I changed two major monologues for the protagonist, one in 1st Act and one in 4th Act.
ORIGINAL MONOLOGUE #1 –
It was an accident…no one could be that cruel to do it as a game. Just for thrills. Most people are good.
REWORKED MONOLOGUE #1 –
LIBRA
Love your sense of fun, dear, lovable, scorched-earth Maisie! But what kind of lens are you looking through? Always jumping to what’s worst in us? Why not see what’s best in us? Pigs, headless fish, it was a mess! But he saved us!
MAISIE
HE SHOT AT YOU!
LIBRA
…You think I don’t doubt? Every day! Including the moment he shot at me. And every day I go on believing in people in spite of it. I decide to keep believing. I decide it was an accident. I decide there was that good part in him that saved us. And I decide that shooting people as a game would too cruel. Otherwise we’d all quit believing in each other. BELIEVE, baby, believe!
MONOLOGUE #2 –
ORIGINAL MONOLOGUE #2 –
It can predict what you’ll do. I programmed it with information on you! Remember my little game, all the questions? The AI was gobbling up your answers. It knows you inside out, it can read your mind before you know what you’ll do. I created a voice-activated avatar icon for you. Graham…speak!
REWORKED MONOLOGUE #2 –
You awakened a demon in me, Furry! And that’s your biggest loss. Without it you might have won! But you kept pushing the demon, and the demon kept pushing me to beat you at every frightening step, to program the AI as savagely as you programmed your games on me. Remember my ‘stupid’ game? All the questions I asked? The AI was gobbling up your answers that I fiendishly fed it. It knows you inside out, reads your mind before you even know what you’ll do, predicts how you’ll act. The demon and me did that! Oh, and I created a cute voice-activated avatar icon for you. Graham…speak!
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(((Like I said, I might change these back, or work on them some more, trim them down, make them less on the nose, maybe add some subtext pointers, coverups….)))
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MODULE 8 – LESSON 5 – SUBTEXT POINTERS
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – Interesting lesson. I might have been confused by it, just like in the previous lesson, but the BASIC INSTINCT examples made it oh so clear. And YES! I want to write like that! It made me enthused about doing this lesson. I did find that sometimes it IS better to just state the truth, depending on the circumstances in the script. There were times I changed it to some cool subtext pointer line, and then I felt it didn’t work as well as the original plain line. Sometimes plain lines are needed, especially in a big action scene where there is already so much going on, and you need plain lines to ground it. It is just an interesting lesson to keep learning when to use plain direct lines, when to use coverups, and when to use subtext pointers. Sometimes it really worked fantastic to change lines to subtext pointers.
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Some of the lines I changed –
Original – I was supposed to think of the game, not you!
Insinuation – This wasn’t how the rat game was supposed to go.
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Original – I may never get out of here.
Metaphor?-Allusion? – New York seems further away than the moon.
(NOTE: She is from New York).
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Original – Back to jail. You can expect a real nice treat from me now.
Implication – You know what rat poisoners get, don’t you?
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(Feed line – I don’t want any Chinese.) (NOTE: She’s making him a gross meal).
Original – Don’t worry. It won’t be.
Metaphor – Don’t worry, it won’t be any plum duck stew.
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Original – I’ll fight you every inch!
Insinuation- I know I’ll have fun marking more red X’es on your face.
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Original – Go away! I can smell it.
Metaphor – I’m really going to eat your leg!
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(The antag is telling her some of the ‘Home Sweet Home’ plantations still have slave quarters)
Original – Home sweet Home…
Hint /Insinuation/Metaphor – If those walls could talk, huh?
(I changed this one back to Home Sweet Home… – it worked better in the scene)
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Original – OK, that’s reassuring.
Sarcasm – I guess that’s reason enough to cross them off the suspect list.
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Original – Thank you from the bottom of our…
Metaphor/Implication – Wow! You know how you think something’s red and turns out it’s blue-?
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MODULE 8 – LESSON 4 – SUB TEXT IN DIALOGUE – PART 1 – COVERUPS
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – At first, this assignment confused me. I thought we already were supposed to have subtext and deeper meaning, so I wasn’t sure why we were supposed to take it away. I had some kind of disconnect about it. But I started working anyway, and figured what it meant was still have the sub-text and deeper meaning, but bury it even more sub-textually (????!!) It ended up having a good effect in that sometimes I over write dialogue, and this made me take out more things that weren’t really needed, and the dialogue still hinted at the deeper meaning. I felt I already had sub-text, but once in a while I would throw in a new strategy, like silence where before the person was screaming very obviously about something – or I’d add a joke, or make the action incongruent with the words, and it made it more interesting. One scene really changed a lot. It was an awkward scene and it wasn’t working because it was too on the nose. So I had them talk about a different subject that wasn’t really the subject and it worked much better – it was kind of like using a metaphor, which I didn’t realize was in the next lesson. Important thing is it improved the dialogue.
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MODULE 8 – LESSON 3 – ANTICIPATORY DIALOGUE
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – I changed a few lines here and there, but nothing too major. However, when something seemed a little bland, I would just rewrite it as some kind of prediction or threat in the future, instead of something that was happening now, and that helped kick it up a notch, to help make the audience/reader anticipate and/or wonder about the future.
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MODULE 8 – LESSON 2 – BANTER – ATTACK & COUNTER ATTACK
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – I feel I already tend to naturally do banter, and attack & counter attack on my lines of dialogue. And especially after doing Module 7 where I elevated many lines of dialogues, I often found myself also elevating the partner’s dialogue to improve and elevate the banter back and forth as well. Where I found this banter lesson to really pay off, though, and where I hadn’t considered it, was in a phone conversation that was kind of blah, and where the Sheriff was on the guy’s side, and was giving him a heads up on something. But then I gave the Sheriff and the guy opposite perspectives and philosophies, and suddenly it really kicked that phone conversation and its consequences up a notch, and it was more exciting too, with us not knowing what would happen in the future . And it gave a better impetus to several other scenes after it.
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MODULE 8 – LESSON 1 – DIALOGUE STRUCTURES
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – It was a novel idea to realize dialogue has a structure similar to action, and its main reason is for a constant expression of character and engaging banter with a climax, beginning, middle, and end. This makes me think of it totally differently. I’m afraid I too often use it to ‘tell’ things and to sneak some exposition in. So I must totally re-examine a lot of my dialogue. But I did some kinda rad things with some of the dialogue structures. I felt I already had enough Setup-Major Twist Dialogues, especially the Open. So I did the others. Sometimes I wonder if you can go too far, though in over-tweaking, but it was fun and kind of cool going to extremes with the Opposite Meanings in Dialogue that I used in one scene, and a Deeper Layer Opposes Dialogue in another, and also Sub text in another. I went far out. But I may reel it back in during a later draft. Still, it was fun!
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WHERE ARE THE MODULE 8 FORUMS???
Is anyone else getting them? Here we are, ready to go on the the last Lesson – Lesson 6, and I haven’t been able to post one single lesson in Module 8, because I don’t see the Forums for it!!
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MODULE 7 – LESSON 5
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – It took me a while to get going on this lesson and get the pace of it, but once I did, wow, just changing certain lines have completely given me new insights and twists into the scene action. Another lesson I love, but again not enough time. I am barely finishing up my protagonist’s lines. I will have to save doing the antagonist’s lines for later. So I don’t get too far behind. Please, more days needed!
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MODULE 7 – LESSON 4
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – I rewrote several scenes but I felt like I wanted to rewrite several more, so many new insights, but NOT ENOUGH TIME IS GIVEN! Please, how about one more day for each of these lessons? They really merit the time. I will have to go back at some point when I have time to redo the parts I haven’t done. But still, I loved the lesson.
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MODULE 7 – LESSON 3
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – I changed a couple of scenes somewhat radically in doing this emotional lesson, and I added little changes in several others that ramped up emotion a bit more. There were still a couple more scenes I wanted to work on, but I feel I should go on to the next lesson and then circle back around on this one at the end of Module 7. Again, the changes surprise me when I thought there wasn’t much more to change. My script keeps getting new layers! But one scene I think I did not improve for the better. Not sure. Maybe sometimes you can overdo, and maybe shouldn’t fix it if it ain’t broke? Sometimes not sure where the happy medium is. But I may be doing some overkill in that scene. I might change it back.
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MODULE 7 – LESSON 2
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – I was feeling tired because, again, I had to list all the reveals in my script plus the demand (which was a very intriguing and fruitful concept for me to consider and led to a lot of discoveries), and how it was presented dramatically. Again, this part of it took a while, an entire night to do just to list the reveals, since I have a thriller, so there are LOTS of reveals. But once I had all of it listed, it was amazing to look at it all, and see which were the most important and where certain reveals were lacking. So just as I thought, well, I wouldn’t find anything new to work on in my screenplay, I kept finding new things and new ways to reveal things, and to and create the demand more excitingly, and make it play out more dramatically for highest effect. I also added another scene that ramps up a certain reveal in the 3rd act. It has been one epiphany after another. But WE DON’T GET ENOUGH TIME! I don’t think we got the four days promised in the last two lessons, so now I am behind on Lesson 3. But I am happy with my progress, though a little behind.
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MODULE 7 – LESSON 1
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – This was another complicated one for me because it took 2 entire nights for me just to lay out the beats, so it seemed tedious. But once I got that done, I elevated quite a few things, saw how storylines could be strengthened and made more powerful, especially a scene in the first act that was giving me trouble, and one of the last scenes in Act 4 that was also giving me trouble. I also added and deleted a couple of scenes that make the script stronger. Asking what the character was hiding from me provided a treasure trove of stuff and I discovered all sorts of new things about the two main characters.
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MODULE 6 – LESSON 4
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – I was overwhelmed at first, just like I was in Lesson one of this Module, because there are so many bullet points (and the first bullet point has 6 parts, which are each a bullet point in themselves!). I thought to do it right , I’d have to go through the script 8-14 times to cover each bullet point, and again, as in Lesson one, some seemed redundant. (Then I thought I was going too much into perfectionism and OCD). So I just went scene by scene, focusing mainly on bullet point one with the scene structure, and then one or two others I though the scene needed, like more action and less exposition, or more challenge and conflict for the character, and I also paid attention to how scenes started and ended, so that there was an arc. Those seemed to be the most fruitful for me. And I got so much done, improving the screenplay by a LOT in many, many scenes. I ignored the bullet points that I thought were redundant. But I noticed it does seem beneficial to cover some territory again that was already covered, for new insights – like with cliche-busting & conflict and character. All in all, great learning and screenplay draft improvement!
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MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – Another GREAT lesson. I loved cliche-busting, though it was challenging. At first I thought, ‘I don’t have cliches’. And then I found some huge ones in the first act. Although I had come up with original, unique situations, some of the local characters (like the antagonist – it takes place in the South) were a bit cliched, even insulting and insensitive. I had a tough time grappling with it because I loved the scenario I had written for the opening scenes. But I came up with a much better scenario that is original and unique, – AND MORE EXCITING AND ACTIVE – and doesn’t portray Southerners quite so stereotypically. In the second major instance of cliche-busting, it was harder to brainstorm a better scene, but I brainstormed several little changes to it that make it more realistic and less stereotypical while still accomplishing its purpose. Cliche-busting really makes me think outside the box!
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MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – I loved this lesson. I went back and found my protagonist was lacking in a clear definition of old ways versus new ways, so I really got into making her character stronger and more specific to her traits throughout the script, but especially in the first act. There were also some exciting character changes in Acts 2 and 3 for both protagonist and antagonist – and even in act 4, especially for the antagonist.
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MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and producers line up to buy to make into multi-million dollar movies. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
What have I learned doing this assignment – I did not enjoy this lesson so much. Some of the bullet points, esp. 1 and 2 and 4, seemed redundant if you had followed all the lessons in former modules and done them and followed your outline. But I went ahead and went through the whole script looking for these points. And it took hours without getting much done. I found it tedious and unnecessary. I got into bullet point 3 much more, the one about conflict, and found a lot of places where conflict could be punched up. So this one was exciting. I enjoyed doing that one. But the lesson never gave us a chance to work on the last six points on the list (!!!). (Although some of those points also seemed redundant so I may not need to redo them).
I still have a problem in the end of Act 4 I haven’t brainstormed or worked out to my satisfaction. And I got too carried away with following the points in the lesson to brainstorm on it enough.
But the bullet point on conflict was great and it helped me to up the stakes and conflict even in Act 1, but definitely there were several scenes in Act 2 and 3 where I intensified the conflict, so that was satisfying.
Ironically, in Act 4, where I had really thought I could intensify the conflict, I didn’t find much to intensify. And I wonder two things – either it’s perfect which I doubt, since I am not fully satisfied with it. Or – I am not allowing myself to think outside the box, because I don’t want to mess up the ending. But that Act has gotten better.
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Already done with first draft!
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Already done with first draft!
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Already done with first draft!
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Already done with first draft.
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MOD. 5-#8-Finish Writing First Draft
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and that producers line up to buy and make into multi-million dollar movies. With me in important leading roles. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry – as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS… I finished the entire first draft, all four acts – 90 pages! Two weeks is the fastest I’ve ever written a screenplay, especially one that has the most structure ever. Still a couple of things I want to solve, but all in all I am pleased.
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MOD. 5-#7 – FIRST DRAFT
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and that producers line up to buy and make into multi-million dollar movies. With me in important leading roles. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry – as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS… I finished Act 3! I have been trying to use the timer, but it frustrates me at times. So today, I quit using. It, just for now. So I could finish my Act 3 without a 10-minute timer going off. It’s got its usefulness, and then sometimes it’s time to put it aside. Still I am writing much faster than I used to. And I don’t let myself pause for long ever.
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I actually began Act 3 now.
MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and that producers line up to buy and make into multi-million dollar movies. With me in important leading roles. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry – as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS… I hate the timer! Ten minutes is too little to take a meaty bite at my scenes. I never finish in ten minutes, but it does help me write quicker than I would.
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MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and that producers line up to buy and make into multi-million dollar movies. With me in important leading roles. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry – as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS… I finished Act 2! I have a love-hate relationship with high speed writing. I feel it takes away some of my joy in writing and expressing exactly what I want. Plus I don’t alway utilize all my Intrigues and character traits when I write fast, settling for some kind of stereotypical response from characters. Other times it feels freeing to write fast. So I think I am settling into a happy medium for myself – to write without stalling or pausing too much, to not stop to ‘look things up’, but to take my time when I need to, and even re-write some sections when I think they are totally off or if I feel I’m not voicing the character’s true traits and character. BUT I do not hammer it for perfection. That’s where I am with high speed writing right now. I am obviously moving forward at a pretty good clip, seeing I have already written the first two acts and about half of the screenplay in about a week!
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Hi Cameron,
Great to get an email at least from somebody. Right now it’s too late to get feedback on an outline since we are already into writing our first draft, but maybe after we write the first draft when we are asked again to share feedback?
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MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and that producers line up to buy and make into multi-million dollar movies. With me in important leading roles. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry – as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS… On to Act 2 now! This was a tricky scene for me and it took me an hour. But I am pretty happy with the result. Isn’t that more important than just rushing through it? Though the speed writing is informing my journey by getting me to not take even longer, which I would be doing otherwise. I keep holding speed writing as a goal, and as a control to keep me from dawdling.
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MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and that producers line up to buy and make into multi-million dollar movies. With me in important leading roles. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry – as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS… I finished my first Act of First Draft! (since I was doing 5-10 pages a day each time, even on the first lesson). I do keep taking longer than I probably should, but at least I am more aware of when I am dawdling, like deciding on a name, or a strategy, or exact description of a room, etc.. When I decide I need to look it up on the internet, that’s when I stop myself – and just make a note and continue. Also – in this speed writing, I notice I don’t always use all the Intrigues and Character traits I have come up with, since it’s so speedy doing this draft. So that is when I do take the time to go back and get it a little more the way I would want. Some things just take a little creative thinking. But I try to be faster about it than normal and not dawdle. Some things, I am learning to just leave be for now. No perfectionism.
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MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and that producers line up to buy and make into multi-million dollar movies. With me in important leading roles. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry – as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS… I had set an intention to high speed write. But I found myself dawdling and savoring things as I like to do, instead of getting on with it, and correcting myself and redoing stuff whenever I felt it was all wrong. It took me an hour to do one scene. And that’s because I was TRYING to hurry. Or else I might have taken hours to do it. In all fairness, it was a complex family scene with a lot of dynamics. The next scene was simpler and only took me 15 minutes to do! It will be a challenge not to dally, since I like to feel and savor things before I move on. I find not all scenes are created equal. Some write themselves quickly and smoothly. Others need a try or two…and a little thinking. But I am trying to do less of that.
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P.S. – To anyone who wants to exchange emails, would you mind leaving your email on this forum post? I found it was hard to contact anyone in the short amount of time we had between assignments, since we don’t have each others’ contact info.
Just in case, we ever want to trade (and I’m not even sure, since I am doing my script mostly privately), but I am including my email at the end of this post. I hope to get yours as well, since I am trying to do what Hal said and do more critiques for others than they do for you, as you can learn a lot doing that.
Hope to hear from you!
😀
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MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and that producers line up to buy and make into multi-million dollar movies. With me in important leading roles. Which makes me a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry – as a writer, actor, producer, and director.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS… Ah…it feels nice to get writing. But I thoroughly have enjoyed setting my story up for better success with so many interesting lessons and brainstorming and angles I wouldn’t have thought of before.
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MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and that producers line up to buy and make into multi-million dollar movies with me in important leading or supporting roles. I’m a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry – as a writer, actor, producer, and director/filmmaker.
What have I learned doing this assignment – I had to start watching three movies I didn’t like much, before I finally settled on one I did like enough to study and watch all the way through, so that was a pain and time consuming. But it was interesting to see what were the things that drew me to the character and why it made me like the story. I would say surprise and subtext are things that draws me in. And if it draws the audience in, it probably draws the A-list actor in.
MOVIE TITLE: Sleeping With The Enemy
GENRE: Psychological Thriller
CHARACTER NAME: Laura Burney (Julia Roberts)
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? It’s a juicy iconic role. Abused, wounded woman in danger for her life has to show great bravery and balls to survive and escape her evil husband. Lots of emotional range to play. This character is full of surprises you wouldn’t expect from her. She shows insurgency in her most imprisoned moments. And that’s a delicious thing to play.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? She surprises you in some big ways. And also little ways. From her very first line, she shows her humor and resourcefulness in spite of her fear of her husband – ‘I like a man who dresses for clamming’ – when he’s dressed in a suit for work, and then she (not so inadvertently) gets his suit dirty and full of sand by hugging him, then apologizing. She shows several surprising moments like that.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? She is afraid for her life, and her husband says she can either call the police or kill him with the gun. He thinks she’ll crumble and he will overpower her. But instead, she calls the police – AND kills him. Also, she is afraid of being in the ocean, and can’t swim, and it looks like she’s fallen out of the boat. Then it turns out she had been secretly taking swimming classes and she finds her opportunity to escape her husband for good by jumping in the ocean and pretending to have died, then swimming to shore, despite her fear of the ocean.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? It shows such an insight into her when she is introduced clamming on the beach and then gives her husband the clamming line, about how she likes a man who dresses for clamming when he is dressed in a suit for work, then she gets him sandy and dirty, though she seems too timid to do that.
5. What is this character’s emotional range? From simple and submissive, to great fear, terror, and angst, to a subversive humor, to great balls and bravery.
6. What subtext can the actor play? She is always saying something behind her lines, and behind even the fear. She is being quite subversive in her own way, putting him down in gentle ways that aren’t so gentle. Like when he is intimidating and hitting her, he says, ‘do you think I enjoy this?“ And she says very meekly, ‘no, because then you would be a monster’. But that’s exactly what she’s calling him. Like I said earlier, she shows insurgency in her most imprisoned moments.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? The abusive, passive-aggressive and homicidal husband that she must be very smart and wily and patient to escape. The way she does it, she really cuts his balls in a big way. Also she has a very playful relationship with the new boyfriend. They are both like children who love to play, and she really needs it at that point in her life.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? With a lot of things she says where it looks like she means one thing, but with a subversive humor, she is meaning the very opposite. And her actions too, are very tricky and unexpected.
9. What makes this character special and unique? Her amazing ability to do double entendres, and her amazing ability to pull the rug out from under her abusive husband – 1) in the way she escapes, and 2) in the way she kills him.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.) The entire ending scene brings in all her terror of her husband, first when she finds all the cans in the cupboard of her new house and the towels in the bathroom have been re-arranged with obsessive neatness – who could think towels in a bathroom or cans in a cabinet could bring such terror. And then when she finds him in her house after a lot of false alarms, she is able to fight and kick him and catch him by surprise and she takes the gun. But she is in such terror and angst and shaking, you would never think she could shoot him, or at least, not shoot straight. He is intimidating her, making her feel small, and asking if she can really kill him – or – if she will call the police. Which is it gonna be? He taunts her. She holds the gun on him as she calls the police. We think it will be a 911 please help call. Instead, she says, ‘please come to my address – I JUST SHOT AN INTRUDER.’ And then she does kill him, which neither he nor we as the audience expected.
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MY VISION – To write cutting edge, unique, human, soul-inspiring, Oscar-winning scripts that have commercial success and that producers line up to buy and make into multi-million dollar movies with me in important leading or supporting roles. I’m a Force in the Hollywood Entertainment industry -as a writer, actor, producer, and director/filmmaker.
What have I learned doing this assignment – First, I am a bit trepidacious about sharing my stuff on a public forum like this. Not sure if I will continue doing it. So I am taking a brave leap of faith and trust in doing it. Also, for this assignment we had not too much to do and I wanted to do more. I keep wanting to do more, but then what if I jump ahead and cheat myself of this WIM experience and the lessons in it? So I am trying not to jump ahead, but I wished we would have done more in this lesson.
Drama-Thriller –
TITLE-Mama’s Games// Mama’s Dungeon// Mean Mama – (I can’t decide – any thoughts?)
HIGH CONCEPT – A shrink who’s a ‘mama’s boy’ kidnaps a woman to play cruel mind tricks that his mom uses on him. But the victim uses the guy’s mommy issues to outwit him and plan her escape. MAJOR STORY HOOK – The prey outwits the predator.
CHARACTER STRUCTURE – Protagonist vs Antagonist
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Sent to Hal at concepts email.
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Sent to Hal at concepts email.
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I sent my assignment to the concepts email, as Hal said to do. Are we supposed to leave it here as well or not?
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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‘Best thing about being a creative person is NOT knowing the answers most of the time’.
I also love the thing about empowering myself before each assignment and can’t wait to do it in each lesson. I loved the “Two Basketballs State to Activity Empowerment” exercise.
I like how Hal is taking us step by step already, even in setting up expectations and actionable steps for how to work in the program.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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Hi,
1. Anna Maganini
2. I have written maybe 7-9(?) screenplays – hard to say since many are not finished or only half started or aborted. I have written somewhat complete first drafts maybe on 4 or 5 of them, with various quality results. I made one of them into a film (I am also an actor). I have also worked on several novels and one memoir, again in different stages of completion.
3. I want to write a screenplay that really works and sparks the imagination of Hollywood and gets picked up and made into a movie, and preferably one I can have a good role in. But most importantly, I want to know how to write great and undeniable stories, whether it’s screenplays, novels, or memoirs, and crack the code of coming up with great seed ideas and GREAT story structure.
4. Something unusual/strange/unique about me. I thought of a better and quicker share, so this is an edited post. In my life, I have lived in a houseboat, a cave, a kibbutz, a car, a mansion, various European beaches, a Nepali hut, a Turkish hostel/slash/opium den, and various and sundry apartments. I am sure I forgot a few domiciles.
5. I also have questions about this course and this website in general.
a. We got an assignment that is is due in 24 hours, but the course doesn’t start until July 25? I am confused!
b. Will there be more assignments to watch out for before the course starts? I just want to be ready.
c. Also, I am intrigued by possibly taking the class privately. How would that work and where would it make a difference from the regular class? (I am a bit paranoid about idea stealing).
Thanks for response. Anna
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Anna Maganini.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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Anna Maganini
I agree to the terms of this release form.
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Well, we do seem to be the last ones standing – at least for the time being. Yes, I feel OK about being a little behind. I still have not finished Lesson 3, and we already got Lesson 4. But I am not stressing. I feel I will finish it when I finish it, and then move to the next one. Cheers and congrats to you too, and to me, for hanging in there and finishing all these drafts, and continuing to make it better. 🙂
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Nope, still here. It’s good to have several people’s email.
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Hi Jeff,
I would like to do what Hal suggested and give more critiques to people, even though they don’t critique me. I have done a critique for you if you are interested in having another viewpoint. I had to do it based off this Lesson 9, since I didn’t see your assignment for Lesson 10. Let me know your email, so I can send it if you are interested. Anna
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Sorry I meant to reply to another forum module.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by Anna Maganini. Reason: I put this in wrong forum module
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This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by
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I get it. I have the same challenge sometimes. Can’t decide….can’t decide… it kept me from ‘moving forward’ a bit. But as a compromise, I have decided on two of the ideas… one for the class assignments, and the second one to do the assignments on when I have time and have finished my first assignment. Of course, when we get to outlining, which is more time consuming, I will probably have to just focus on the first one. I am also waffling between doing the assignments publicly on the forum or privately…. Can’t decide…