[anna harper]

Anna's Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned from this assignment: I found it difficult to let go of details and had to do several drafts. So I have learned not to be attached to my work so much in producing this pitch.
TITLE: Alfie’s Christmas Adventure
FORMAT: Feature
GENRE: Holiday / Magical Realism
LOGLINE: It’s Christmas in a quaint English village where we meet Dylan a teenage boy, hiding from a gang of bullies, in a rubbish skiff. What if a ginormous homeless dog comes to his rescue and becomes his life coach?
COMPS: BEETHOVEN meets ROALD DAHL
BUDGET 2 MILLION
WHY THIS STORY NOW: In this divisive world, entertaining stories can have the power to heal intolerance, bullying and exclusion. BIO: This story is inspired by my work with traumatized adults and children in Canada, where I received my RSW.
LEAD CHARACTERS
ALFIE: an all-black Newfoundland homeless dog.
DYLAN: (13 approx., is grieving for his mother. Dylan has chosen to isolate himself in silence.
STEVE: Dylan’s Dad. Steve is the village bus driver. He loves his son dearly, though he is very stressed as a single Dad. This is a perfect role for Joe Absolom, a lead actor in the Doc Martin series. Joe has a huge fan base.

1. We meet Alfie, in a back alley looking for food in rubbish bins. Alfie runs off to explore the abundant Christmasy village. Alfie gets a shocking visit from an angel; Michelle (Dylan’s mother,) Michelle bestows Alfie with the gift of telepathic communication.
2. Dylan meets Alfie when he jumps into a rubbish skiff, escaping school bullies. Dylan is shocked by the dog’s ability to break into his bubble of silence. Dylan takes a very dirty and hungry Alfie home, promising the dog food if he agrees to a bath.
2. Dylan keeps getting into trouble at school. A devious teacher wants Dylan out of the way and schemes to send Dylan to boarding school. Dylan runs away, Alfie locates Dylan Steves says Alfie can stay if he helps Dylan to speak,or it's off to the pound.
3. Alfie helps Dylan to make friends and gradually to speak again. Alfie and Dylan leave in the night to go to the alley where they first met. Angle Michelle manifests and encourages Dylan to keep talking.

How does it end?
Dylan awakes the next morning believing it was a dream. Alfies says "No" he was thee. The two plot their next adventure, breaking into the school computer lab to find Alfie's littermates on Facebook.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

What I learned doing the assignment; I needed a few rewrites to get this ready, Most necessary was constantly revisiting previous lessons.

Dear Name
ALFIE'S CHRISTMAS ADVENTURE
HOLIDAY MAGICAL REALISM
I am thrilled to introduce my screenplay, "Alfie’s Christmas Adventure," a whimsical tale set in the charming English village of Lyme Regis, inspired by my work with traumatized patients.
"Alfie’s Christmas Adventure" tells the story of Dylan, a mute teenage boy hounded by bullies and targeted by the school’s cruel principal and his nasty teacher. Dylan’s world flips upside down when he meets Alfie, a gigantic Newfoundland dog blessed with telepathic powers by angel Michelle. Dylan’s late mother. Alfie becomes Dylan’s unlikely ally, coaching him to find his voice and take on his tormentors, all while navigating a series of misadventures,, and negotiating with Steve; Dylan's reluctant Dad for a permanent place in the family home.
As Dylan and Alfie embark on a journey of rule-breaking and discovery, they confront a series of uproarious challenges, including thwarting the teacher's plot to send Dylan away to a boarding school for her own selfish gain. The climax unfolds on a heartwarming Christmas Day, where Dylan, his friend Lilly, and even his former bully Victor share a festive meal, forging unexpected friendships. In a touching twist, Dylan's mother reappears, reaffirming her love and revealing Alfie as her special helper, bringing the adventure full circle.
With the quirky charm and humour of a Roald Dahl story, "Alfie’s Christmas Adventure" is a tale of resilience, love, and magic of the holiday season, perfect for families looking for a heartfelt and entertaining holiday film. Thank you for considering my screenplay. I look forward to the opportunity to share more of Dylan and Alfie’s adventures with you. Let me know if you would like to receive the script.
BIO Qualified in social work and worked in mental health (special quals in PTSD) with traumatized children and adults using a variety of modalities to restore communication. Also resided in the inspiring village mentioned in the query which has a pedigree of successful film shoots.
Warm regards,

Anna Harper

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper High Concept and Elevator Pitch
What I learned in this lesson; the information helped me create my best high concept and elevator pitch to date.
High Concept
Telepathic communication transforms the lives of a bereft teenage boy and a homeless dog.
Elevator Pitch
I’m excited as I’m finishing up a final polish on my Christmas movie featuring a traumatized teenager and a dog with telepathic powers.

[anna harper]

Hoping that you and Hal are safe.

[anna harper]

Anna Synopsis plus hooks.
What I learned from this assignment is a process for doing a more effective synopsis.
These are the hooks I chose from the previous assignment.
We meet Alfie, a hungry homeless dog in a back alley
2. Alfie explores a beautiful Christmas-themed village, where a homeless street person gives Alfie food.
3. We meet Dylan, a teenage boy is in the middle of a brawl. His school principal and a mean teacher appear. They do not give Dylan any support and accuse him of using his Mother's death and his subsequent silence as a ruse.
4. Alfie meets angel; Michelle, Dylan's mother. She bestows the gift of telepathic communication on Alfie. Michelle asks Alfie to help her son.
5. Steve; Dylan's Dad, comes home to find a horse-sized dog in the bathtub. Steve wants to send Alfie to the pound.
Dylan's bully teacher is trying to ship Dylan off to a London boarding school so she can develop a relationship with Steve.
6. Alfie starts to have some success coaching Dylan to speak, but it only gets Dylan into more trouble.
7. Following a shocking incident of the teacher locking Lilly, Dylan's only friend in the school cellar and Dylan attempting to rescue her, Dylan calls the teacher a liar. Dylan's fate seems to be sealed.
8. Dylan runs away.
9. Alfie saves the day and locates Dylan. Steve gives Alfie a temporary reprieve from the pound.
10. It's Christmas day and Dylan and Lilly are exchanging gifts at the seafront promenade. They encounter a very depressed Victor (the school's alpha bully.) There is big trouble at Victor's house. All three end up having Christmas dinner at Dylan's house.
New hooks to make sense of story:
Alfie tells Dylan he wants to find his litter mates. Dylan agrees to find them by secretly getting into the school computer lab.
Christmas Day evening. Alfie wakes Dylan up and takes him back to the alley where they first met. Angel Michelle appears and tells Dylan she will always love him and look out for him. She explains Alfie is one of her special helpers. She praises Alfies for doing a great job.
Dylan wakes the next morning and thinks he was having a dream. Alfies tells him No, I was there!

SYNOPSIS
ALFIE’S CHRISTMAS ADVENTURE
Written and created by Anna Harper
HOLIDAY/FAMILY
Inspired by my work with traumatized patients, and living in Lyme Regis, previously used for successful film shoots.
It’s Christmas in a quaint English village where we meet Dylan a teenage boy, hiding from a gang of bullies, in a rubbish skiff. What if a ginormous homeless dog comes to his rescue and becomes his life coach?

We meet Alfie, a Newfoundland dog, in a back alley looking for food in rubbish bins.
He is chased off by an angry butcher. Alfie runs off to explore the abundant and beautiful Christmas-themed village where a homeless man shares his food with Alfie.
A schoolyard brawl is where we meet Dylan. He is in big trouble with a Cruella de Ville-like teacher and a nasty piece of work for a school principal who feels no sympathy for Dylan who has not spoken since his mother died two years ago.
Alfie gets a shocking visit from an angel; Michelle (Dylan’s mother,) who bestows the dog with the gift of telepathic communication.
Dylan meets Alfie when he jumps into a rubbish skiff to escape a horde of school bullies. Dylan is shocked and mystified by the dog’s ability to break into his bubble of silence. Alfie does not reveal the source of his gift.
Dylan takes a very dirty and hungry Alfie home, promising the dog food if he agrees to a bath. Steve, Dylan’s Dad comes home to discover “a horse in my bathtub!” Steve is going to send Alfie to the pound!
Alfie 6onvinces Dylan to interact positively with the school bullies, and to use more words. Dylan has one friend, Lilly. The awful schoolteacher locks Lilly in the school cellar.

Everything goes wrong when Dylan tries to rescue her, with the help of his Dad. Dylan calls the teacher out. Enraged, the school principal and nasty teacher, decide the only option is to send Dylan off to a boarding school in London.
Steve is beside himself and fails to notice until nightfall that his son has run away. After exhausting various possibilities, Alfie gets Steve's attention and leads him to find his son, hiding in the rubbish skiff.
Overcome with emotion, Steve gives Alfie a reprieve providing that Dylan continues to work on talking again. Dylan is not going to boarding school.
Steve sets about setting things right at the school and has an angry exchange with the school board.
Christmas day finds Alfie, Dylan and Lilly sitting in the rain shelter on the seafront promenade, exchanging gifts. They observe alpha bully Victor, walking dejectedly; there is big domestic trouble at home. Victor is invited to Dylan’s cottage for Christmas dinner.
Steve agrees to let Alfie stay permanently. Steve has a private emotional scene with his girlfriend, overcome with relief that his son is beginning to talk again and has friends.
After the festivities, Dylan and Alfie discuss Alfie’s dilemma. He feels lonely for his brother and sister. Dylan hatches a plan to find them, involving secretly entering the school computer lab.
Alfie wakes Dylan up in the middle of the night and takes him to the back alley where they first met. Dylan’s Mom, Angel Michelle manifests. She gives Dylan reassurance that she will always love and watch out for Dylan, and reveals that Alfie is one of her special helpers. The next morning, Dylan believes it was just having a dream. Alfie says “No, I was there!”

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna 10 things Things I learned from this lesson. At first, I was not at all confident that I could pull these points out in a coherent fashion. Once I focused and followed the steps, it worked.

A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?
The villains share enjoyment in the power of bullying. The hero is a Newfoundland dog with magical superpowers of telepathic communication.
B. Major hook of your opening scene?
We meet Alfie, the hero of the story in a back alley. He is a huge homeless dog, cold and hungry contrasting with the Christmas abundance of the story world of the village.
Emotional dilemma?
The emotional dilemma for the audience is seeing the dog explore the beautiful Christmas village which also contains harsh realities like poverty and homelessness.
E. Major twists?
Next, we encounter Dylan, a teenage boy (also an evolving hero,) in the middle of a schoolyard brawl. He is targeted by schoolyard bullies because he does not speak. He has been electively silent since the death of his mother two years ago. His silence is making life difficult for himself and his father.
We also meet two adult bullies, a mean schoolteacher and an oppressive and hypocritical school principal, Baldy Brown. Both have it in for Dylan. Elizabeth Perkins the schoolteacher expresses her contempt for all the students with a rap song and dance. She has a Cruella de Ville-like personality.
Big surprises:
1.Alfie meets an angel, Michelle, who is the deceased mother of Dylan. She bestows the gift of telepathic communication on Alfie and asks him to help her son.
2.Steve, comes home to find his son Dylan, giving the filthy Newfoundland dog a bath. He plans to send the dog to the pound.
Reversals:
1.Alfie wins a temporary reprieve from the pound; With Alfie’s help, Dylan starts to emerge from his shell.
2.Dylan’s bully teacher Elizabeth is trying to send Dylan off to a boarding school so she can have Steve to herself.
3. Following a shocking incident with a teacher locking Lilly (Dylan’s only friend) in the school cellar, and Dylan attempting to rescue Lilly, he calls the teacher a liar. Dylan’s fate is sealed. He is to be sent to boarding school in London. Dylan runs away.
4. Alfie saves the day and locates Dylan

Surprise 1. is when Dylan and Lilly, his friend meet the alpha bully, Victor in the park on Christmas day. His family are fighting, so Dylan and Lilly invite Victor to Dylan’s house for Christmas dinner.
Surprise 2. Alfie tells Dylan he wants to locate his brother and sister. Dylan agrees to help Alfie by breaking into the school computer lab to find Cocoa and Pirate on Facebook.

[anna harper]

Anna Producer/Manager
What I learned today is that I need to be much more concrete in how I approach the needs of different players and to think strategically before I get into any conversation with a manager or a producer.

How would I present my project to a manager that is different to a producer based on the lesson?

I would present myself as flexible and have scripts ready that are stand- a-lone and/or can be developed into a series, and be prepared to prove this with follow’ on concepts or outlines, or second in the series script ready to go.

I do have a 5 year plan for my writing goals, and following this lesson, I would indicate this, being sure that it is not set in stone, is a living document and that my number one objective is to get movies made.
Some managers I have checked out have certain types of material they prefer to represent. I would check that my brand mirrored their brand .
Having checked out the manager thoroughly, I would then be prepared to make creative changes as requested.
I would be clear in indicating that I am looking for a long-term professional collaboration.

How would I present my script to a producer that is different than to a manager?
I would make sure that my logline has a hook or hooks, that the title of my script is genre specific and fits with previous industry success in the genre.
I would give a comparative best guess at budget.
Show comps (no more than 2)
I would have at least one bankable actor to suggest.
I would demonstrate a strong emphasis on industry patterns of success that mesh with the high concept of my script, and match their brand interest/style.
If I was so blessed as to have a producer read my script, I would ensure that the script delivered on the high concept, and demonstrate that I was willing to quickly make changes/take notes.
Finally, I would ask a question regarding anticipated timelines in getting the movie made.

[anna harper]

Marketable Components
Alfie’s Christmas Adventure
What I learned from this lesson; the homework helped to think in terms of effective pitch elements I could draw upon.

1. Wide audience reach. As demonstrated by the voracious international appetite for British drama. All ages have demonstrated via box office their interest in dog-centric stories which have proven to be evergreen. The hero of the piece is a teenage boy facing universally experienced difficulties that young people and adults can identify with. The paradox of the Christmas season contrasted with the troubles of everyday life is a common relatable experience.
2. A-List actor Joe Solomon has been a much-loved character in the Doc Martin series of ten seasons running. In an interview regarding Joe, he said that his character was much like himself in real life. His demeanour is perfect for Steve, the widowed father of Dylan. His participation will draw on his significant Doc Martin fan base.

[anna harper]

Project and Market

Title Alfie's Christmas Adventure

Genre Holiday/Family

Logline It’s Christmas in a quaint English village where we meet a young teenage boy hiding from bullies in a rubbish skiff.
What if a ginormous Newfoundland dog comes to his rescue, and becomes the boy’s life coach?

Which market would I target first? Producers. Why? They can make green-lit decisions.
Christmas-themed movies often make great financial returns; a fabulous dog, a family in trouble and an English village setting are Irresistible to the international market. We now need entertainment that tackles evolving the EQ of us humans. Why me? I have experience in working with traumatized people.
What did I learn? The importance of succinct information.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Project and Market

Title Alfie’s Christmas Adventure

Genre Holiday/Family

Logline It’s Christmas in a quaint English village where we meet a young teenage boy hiding from bullies in a rubbish skiff.
What if a ginormous Newfoundland dog comes to his rescue, and becomes the boy’s life coach?

Which market would I target first? Producers. Why? They can make green-lit decisions.
Christmas-themed movies often make great financial returns; a fabulous dog, a family in trouble and an English village setting are Irresistible to the international market. We now need entertainment that tackles evolving the EQ of us humans. Why me? I have experience in working with traumatized people.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Hello, Anna here. Currently, I live in British Columbia Canada and am hoping to be back in the UK soon.
I have written 5 scripts and am currently making efforts to sell one particular script. I have coverage and it has been very useful. I expect to learn effective marketing tools as I am weak in this area. I am committed to doing the work and anticipate measurable positive results, selling scripts. Weird? well my brother says I am a bit Sheldon. I don’t think so! Looking forward to meeting interesting people here on the forums.

[anna harper]

I agree to the terms of the confidentiality form. Anna Harper

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Character profiles for The Long Dark

What I learned from this assignment; I had certain character features in mind, but had not expressed them in the script. As I identified on paper these characteristics, I was able to enrich the script.

​SMILEY FORD

Smiley enjoys being evil. He is dangerously and forever damaged goods.

ROLE Primary Antagonist

Core Character Traits

A predator, a sociopath., a career criminal. Abused and damaged as a foster child.

Flaws As above

Want/Need

To control, to manipulate others to his agenda, power.

Agenda

To seek gratification through the torture of others.

Character Arc

From his childhood as a victim to an evil adult perpetrator.

World view

All is for me, myself, and mine.

Life Metaphor

Identifies with glorified career criminals.l Watches Silence of the Lambs frequently.

Secret

His evil displays of power and control mask his childhood terrors.

Unique

He is drawn to the northern isolated communities as a hunting ground for his victims. He never attempts these crimes in towns or cities.

LILLY CARR’ S logline

A change maker, arriving at the perfect time. Lilly helps indigenous women towards financial freedom.

Role

Lilly is an art consultant hired on contract by the government to help women gain more financial independence by selling their arts and crafts.

Core Character Traits

Sensitive, new age ideology, hides loneliness.

Subtext Flip flops between anxiety and willingness to take risks.

Flaw hiding her own financial problems.

Wants a Harrison Ford character to rescue her from loneliness and her own lack of common sense.

Mission Overt Genuinely wants to help the local women., and wants to experience indigenous culture.

CHANGE The hidden agenda is to make a big pay cheque quickly and pay off her gambling debts.

World view. As in John Lennon’s songs, we should all be vegetarians, I trust everyone.

Lilly is unique in that she is a lone female in a wild, male-dominated environment, both naive and brave and willing to trust.

CHANGE The hidden agenda is to make a big pay cheque quickly and pay off her gambling debts. THIS CHANGE WOULD ADD INTERESTING DARKNESS TO A CHARACTER WHO COULD OTHERWISE BE PERCEIVED AS HOLIER THAN THOU. AND JUDGEMENTAL

CHIEF FRANKIE MANYSTREAMS

Frankie’s logline; A born leader, dedicated to the end. Lives secretly, often in the spirit world.

Role; Band leader,

Core characteristics’; Charismatic, bold. Recovering alcoholic.

Mission Has many challenges on his hands with returning the reservation to practicing the traditional ways, lured by modern temptations, contrasted with the difficulties of their isolated lives.

Subtext still grieving for his wife, survivor guilt. His wife Rosie died from alcohol related issues.

Flaw. No real flaws, he is transparent about his healing journey with alcohol. Frankie is a really decent human being.

Want/Need

He needs someone to lean on, he is there for everyone else.

Mission to save his band from themselves.

Worldview; He believes in turtle island.

Life metaphor; He wants to be an eagle, soaring strong, blessing all in his path. He believes he is a bear, given to gluttony and long naps.

CHANGE

Secret. He is suffering from burnout and does not want to admit it. He cannot hand off his role. as he cannot trust anyone else to do it. HE HAS AN EGO ISSUE THAT HE IS NOT AWARE OF.

GEORGE BROWNBEAR

George’s logline

I love life, I am very bush smart and have excellent survival skills.

Role; George is the reservation’s healer and keeper of stories. He is Frankie’s closest friend. He is also a recovering alcoholic.

Core Characteristics; George is an iconic man of the north, bush savvy, and will help out anyone. Loves the wildnerness. Given to a little larceny, he enjoys the mischief of it.

Subtext; CHANGE AWARENESS ARTICULATED; He does not know how her would survive without Frankie and he is concerned that Frankie is going downhill. He is an elder and concerned about his own mortality.

Flaw; Has an entertainment view of petty larceny.

Want/Need

CHANGE DISCLOSE He wants his disenfranchised kids to come back to the reservation.

Mission; to support Frankie, and to be respected as the band healer and keeper of stories.

Worldview; His world begins and ends with life in the bush. The south is an alien concept to him and the source of much of the band’s troubles.

Life Metaphor

He is the King of Swords. He does not mince words, he knows best.

BILL the helicopter pilot, needs a surname.

Bill’s logline

I’m here for a good time, not a long time. I am a Leo.

Role

Bill own’s Wild Bill Copters. He runs a service to the northern communities. He is Lilly Carr’s love interest.

Core characteristics

Like to be a heroic figure, a rescuer. Knows he is good-looking.

Mission

To use his job to provide for his daughter. Nothing else really matters.

Wants Needs

CHANGE SOME REVEAL OF INSIGHTS AND NEW WILLINGNESS TO RISK IN A RELATIONSHIP.

He wants something more. Like the song says (a Star is born) he is maybe tired of living so hardcore. then Lilly arrives.

Secrets

He does not discuss his divorce or his daughter with anyone. He is getting tired of living like a gypsy and wants a new adventure. He is a former foster child and moved often.

Flaws

Difficulty with long-term commitments, except for his daughter.

Worldview

Sees life as an endless adventure.

Life Metaphor

Life is a team sport and I am the quarterback.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna’s Story Beats

What I learned from this assignment. This has been the most extensive exercise I have done in all of the courses. Nearly made me crazy. Really very glad I did it. The result is a much better flow and meeting with Hal’s method of horror and then release. I had too much horror stuck together and then either too much story or not enough. It has taken me days to do this. What really helped was printing off the script and taping it to my apartment walls. Much easier to see the whole flow and where the problems were, (big picture.) I am so very pleased I did this work. I love the result.

Assignment 1

The Long Dark

LOG LINE

The appearance of Sasquatch and a brutal attack on a local girl, have Chief Frankie Manystreams working hard to lead his people back to the traditional ways. He gets assistance he did not bargain for with a series of terrifying attacks by Spirit Animals.

ORIGINAL BEATS

1 ESTABLISHING. EXT.YUKON FOREST/EARLY WINTER/DAY

showing isolation, sounds, and atmosphere.

2 INT/GRUNGY BAR/TRAILER/AFTERNOON/DARK

introductions to antagonist Smiley Ford, an outsider, and his newfound local co-conspirators Norman and Francis Smith.

3 EXT.PARKING AREA/DARK AFTERNOON

Establishes Smiley’s money situation, and reveals part of the plan.

4 INT.SMILEY’S TRUCK/AFTERNOON

The men plan to abduct and torture a local girl for sport.

5 EXT.DEEP FOREST BUSH ROAD/EVENING

Horrific scene dragging Willow Summer to the cabin. Gasoline is taken in to destroy evidence.

6. MISSING

7 EXT.CABIN AND FOREST/NIGHT

Isolation and sounds of torture established

8 INT.CABIN/NIGHT error

The men are passed out. Willow escapes.

9 EXT.CABIN/MORNING

Willow’s escape continued. The appearance of spirit animals are crows morphing into grizzly bears.

10 INT.CABIN/MORNING

The men are regaining consciousness. Sasquatch screams pierce and the stench of Sasquatch’s presence pierces the air,

11 EXT.CABIN/MORNING

Norman is dragged out of the cabin by the 1st bear, blood and gore attack 2nd Grizzley drags Francis out and eats him alive.

12 EXT.BUSH ROAD/MORNING

Smiley slithers along the cabin wall and escapes, running like hell through the bush.

13 EXT.RESERVATION HELICOPTER LANDING PAD AREA/DAY

Introduces a change maker. Lilly arrives at the rez and her purpose is to help the local women improve their finances. Introduces Bill as a potential love interest. He offers to evacuate Lilly if it becomes too dangerous.

14 EXT.CABIN/DAY Lilly explores the woods outside her cabin and has an encounter with Sasquatch

15 INT.LILLY’S CABIN/EVENING

Lilly contacts George (a local healer) and asks him for help.

16 INT.GEORGE’S TRAILER/NIGHT

George and Lilly have a discussion about the Sasquatch and the meaning of its appearance to Lilly. George explains the difficulties facing the rez and the trauma legacy of the residential schools. George instructs Lilly on safety precautions following the new of Willow Summer and the bodies of Norman and Francis Smith.

17 EXT.TOWN ROAD/NIGHT

The beauty of the north is witnessed. George escorts Lilly to her cabin. and makes it safe for the night

18 INT.LILLY’S CABIN/NIGHT

George demonstrates the bear observation panel and makes the cabin safe for the night.

19 EXT.LILLY’S CABIN/NIGHT

George and Lilly bid good night and make arrangements for Lilly to have rifle practice.

20 INT.GEORGE’S TRAILER/NIGHT

George is rattled by the evening’s events and phones his AA sponsor Chief Frankie for help.. He is tempted by a bottle of whiskey and manages to pour it down the drain.

21 EXT.BAR/NIGHT flag for sequencing error

Smiley Ford disrupts the rape of a teenage boy, and shoots the perpetrator.

22 EXT.CHIEF FRANKIE’S BUSH CABIN/EVENING STORY WEB ISSUE

Illustrates the isolation, the peace, and the weather

23 INT. CHIEF’S FRANKIE MANYSTREAMS CABIN/EVENING STORY WEB ISSUE omit/keep

George and Frankie finish their visit. Frankie is talking to his dead wife when Sasquatch appears and terrifies Frankie. He needs his heart medicine. Frankie needs more logs and encounters a spirit bear, which wards him off with a traditional mantra.

24 EXT.CABIN, NIGHT SKY/NIGHT

Night sky. Background sounds of an air ambulance helicopter.

25 INT. LILLY’S CABIN/NIGHT

a phone call from Bill arranges to meet Lilly.

26 EXT.SCHOOL BUILDING/NIGHT

Frankie has returned from the hospital and calls a meeting to discuss the attacks with the residents. Sweetgrass ceremony. Frankie is angry with the behavior of the residents; he explains that the spirit animals and sasquatch are there for retribution. He demands a return to the traditional code of behavior. Invites all to a healing ceremony and a feast.

27 EXT.TRUCK BUSH ROAD/NIGHT

A group of young people who disrupted the meeting meet a spirit animal Cougar. One of the group is killed, and the others run away.

28 EXT.BUSH ROAD/NIGHT

29 INT. THE SMOKEY GRILL CAFÉ/MORNING OMIT

Bill and Lilly meet. Bill brings her a gift of buffalo meat. They decide to go to Lilly’s cabin.

30 INT.LILLY’S CABIN/AFTERNOON

Bill and Lilly cook food and have an intimate encounter.

31 INT.SCHOOL GYM/EVENING

Second Emergency meeting

32 INT.LILLY’S CABIN/EVENING

33 EXT.SWEAT LODGE/NIGHT

Some residents participate in a ceremony for healing

34 INT SMOKEY GRILL CAFE/MORNING DUPLICATION OUT OF SEQUENCE

Bill brings Lilly a gift of Buffalo meat. They have coffee. Lilly invites him back to the cabin.

They have an intimate encounter.

35 EXT.BUSH ROAD/EVENING STORY WEB ISSUE

36 EXT. VILLAGE HIGH STREET/NIGHT STORY WEB ISSUE WRONG SEQUENCE OF EVENTS SHOULD FIT AFTER HELICOPTER RESCUE BETTER

MISSING SECOND VILLAGE MEETING

MISSING SHOULD BE BUSH ROAD RE ANNA’S ATTACK AND RESCUE BY BILL

MISSING SHOULD BE LILLY’S CABIN DAY

37 INT.CABIN/NIGHT

Dorothy from the group is drinking in solitude

38 INT.TRAILER/NIGHT

Two children cling to their parents terrified and crying.

39 INT.REBECCA SMALLMOUTAIN’S CABIN/NIGHT

Rebecca’s Dad is boarding up the windows.

40 EXT.RESERVATION/MORNING

Mounties/State troopers are going door to door to gather information and calm residents.

41 EXT.RESERVATION/MORNING STORY WEB ISSUE

42 INT. CHIEF’S FRANKIE MANYSTREAMS CABIN/EVENING STORY WEB ISSUE

43 EXT.CABIN, NIGHT SKY/NIGHT STORY WEB ISSUE

44 EXT. RESERVATION HIGH STREET/MORNING

The last truck arrives with 300 too many Christmas trees. . George sends suitcases packed with Cariboo meat. to Vancouver.

45 INT.SMOKEY GRILL COFFEE SHOP/DAY

George is feeling generous as he gets a large e-transfer for lost luggage. He has made a false claim. Lilly comes to the rescue. with a plan for the trees.

46 EXT.RESERVATION HIGH STREET/MORNING

Residents are enjoying taking pictures and having a good time at the feast. Friendship dance.

47 EXT. LILLY’S CABIN/DAY Lilly and Bill take off for a snowmobile ride. Make love in the snow, are observed by a moose, and make a hasty departure.

48 INT.GEORGE’S CABIN/EVENING

George gets a phone call. The caribou meat, melted/stinky has been found in San Francisco. A demand is made for him to repay the false claim.

49 INT.LILLY’S CABIN/MORNING

Bill and Lilly make plans to go to Mexico together. They discuss meeting Frankie and George at the grill.

50 INT.SMOKEY GRILL/MORNING

George reveals his misdemeanor with the insurance claim. Frankie reveals that Bill will be seeing his 5-year-old daughter over New Year. Lilly is shocked he has not shared this info with her.

51 EXT. HIGH STREET/MIDDAY

The four friends say goodbye. George speculates that they will be back.

52 NT.SCHOOL GYM/DAY

Santa Claus visits.

53 EXT.HELICOPTER PAD/AFTERNOON

Bill and Lilly pack themselves into the helicopter to Vancouver

54 EXT.HELICOPTER/AFTERNOON

Helicopter flying over the Rocky mountains. Bill and Lilly discuss the stress of the last weeks and look forward to chilling out on the beach.

55 EXT.GARAGE FORECOURT/EARLY MORNING

Smiley Ford meets with a spirit cougar. The animal savages him, a can of gas falls over and ignites burning Smiley to death.

56 EXT.RESERVATION VILLAGE/LATE AFTERNOON

The village appears peaceful. Light snow is falling. There is the mournful howling of Sasquatch in the distance and the background sound of native drums beating the heartbeat rhythm.

Assignment 2

Improved Beats

MOVED beat 21 to beat 40

Smiley Ford disrupts a perpetrator attacking a boy.

( place after two attacks by spirit animals, after the second meeting and Frankie comments,’ the cycle of abuse is the gift that keeps on giving illustrates the perpetrator as a childhood victim.)

OMIT 34

35 Add info re helicopter rescue

37 should be a sweat lodge scene followed by

scene heading for women’s circle

41 expand details of families coping.

42 and 43 omit repeat

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna’s Logline and a one-page synopsis.

What I learned doing this assignment; I was having trouble with the final act, wrapping up the story properly. This enabled me to get a bird’s eye view and create the ending. Thank you.

THE LONG DARK

A remote Yukon community is terrorized by Sasquatch and Spirit Animals. who have come to teach the reservation inhabitants the error of their ways and lead them to live better lives.

A group of men kidnap a young girl Willow Smith, from the reservation and viciously assault her. dousing her with gasoline and threatening to burn her alive.

The men pass out and lay unconscious as Willow breaks free and saves herself. The men wake to be attacked by giant grizzly bears, ripping them limb from limb. One man, the ring leader, Smiley Ford, escapes.

A bush helicopter lands at the reserve, delivering an art consultant the government has hired (Lilly,) to run a project for the local women helping them to sell their art and improve their financial and social circumstances.

Bill, the pilot instructs Lilly to be careful as this is the most dangerous reserve in the north. He offers to rescue Lilly should she need a fast exit. Lilly assures him that she is excited by the prospect of adventure in the north and has nothing to fear.

Lilly is exploring the woods behind her cabin and encounters Sasquatch. Terrified she phones a local contact George Brownwolf a traditional healer and keeper of stories.

George is a community leader and an elder, he instructs Lilly on staying safe and interprets her encounter with Sasquatch as a positive sign as she has come to the reservation to help the local women.

He also explains that it could be interpreted as a warning. Lilly hears of the vicious attack on Willow and begins to understand the reality of what she is taking on.

A series of horrifying attacks by spirit animals on local people spurs Chief Frankie Manystreams and his best friend George to galvanize the residents to mend their ways using indigenous traditions. Chief explains that Sasquatch is working together with the spirit animals, they are communicating with each other.

Chief Frankie’s speech does not go well, with troublemakers on the reservation opposing any suggestion of change. and the attacks become more and more frequent and horrifying causing the entire reservation to go into a hysterical meltdown.

Smily Ford, the caucasian outsider who instigated the attack on Willow is still on the loose.

Outside of the local bar, Smiley encounters an older man assaulting a teenage boy. Smiley shoots and seriously wounds the offender and threatens to kill him if he lays on eyes on him again. The boy is saved.

Chief Frankie Manystreams organizes various healing ceremonies sweat lodges, sweetgrass ceremonies, drumming, and dancing. He declares the reservation is an alcohol and drug-free reservation, closing the bar. and vows jail for anyone caught will any alcohol or drugs.

Sasquatch and the spirit animals have not finished their business with the reservation and the attacks continue. Yvonne Brownwolf, daughter of George the healer is one of the trouble makers. Her children have been removed due to her drug and alcohol problems.

Yvonne is walking along the bush road when she sees a huge cougar stalking her. In the sky above, Bill sees the encounter and scares off the cougar, swooping down with his copter, and picks up Yvonne taking her to safety.

Bill continues to form a relationship with Lilly, who is becoming increasingly nervous and questions herself about staying on the reservation. As Christmas approaches she works to finish up her work with the women and plans to leave before the winter storms make it impossible to leave.

It’s now a week until Christmas.

The attacks appear to have come to a halt. The reservation is holding a moose stew supper to celebrate the arrival of the last truck before the road closes, which will cut the reservation off until the ice road opens.

Christmas excitement is building.

The big rig truck arrives with the expected supplies and the 18-foot artificial tree for outside the community hall and due to a mistake, 300 equally huge Christmas trees, one for each resident. The reservation is situated in an area of naked land, due to deforestation enabling residents to observe threats of bear attacks. A decision is made to erect a decorated Christmas tree forest in the middle of town much to the enjoyment of the local children.

George decides to send his friend in the city a special present and packs two ordinary suitcases with frozen Cariboo meat and sends it away on the truck.

Bill and Lilly decide to go to Mexico together and plan to leave as soon as Lilly has crated up all the women’s artistic creations.

George receives a phone call to say the suitcases have gone missing. He fills in an insurance claim for a new expensive parka, leather gloves, jeans with winter shirts and long johns, a pair of winter snow boots, and a fancy espresso maker.

The snow is starting to fall regularly, the reservations seem quiet. People shop and the local store for gifts. The ban on alcohol appears to be holding. People are able to start using their Skidoos for hunting.

Lilly is struck by the reality of where she living when she wakes up to see ski doos parked outside her cabin and a truck with a dead moose on its back, feet up in the air.

Reserve children are enjoying the trees and playing around them, family members are taking selfies and videos of their kids. Sanity seems to have returned.

George receives another phone call from an annoyed customs person in Toronto. The suitcases with the melting Cariboo have been found.

Bill and Lilly leave in the helicopter on their way to Mexico.

It’s early morning when Smiley Ford is filling up his truck at the local gas station. No one is around. He is also filling up gas tanks and throwing ropes in the back of the truck cab. A cougar appears, stalks him, partially eats him, and knocks over the gas tanks, which spontaneously combust. Smiley Ford is burned alive.

It’s night, the reservation is quiet, the snow is falling, smoke is rising from village cabins, the sickening howls of Sasquatch ring out. F.O.

[anna harper]

.Anna Harper’s Career Plan

What I learned from this assignment; is a very useful task to get this plan out of my head and onto paper. It was affirming in as much as I could see that I have already made some progress. For me, it is important to also have daily goals.

Please tell us the answers to these questions about your next six months of activity:

A. What is your overall screenwriting goal for the next six months?

My must-do is to sell two of my scripts as soon as possible, well before six months. Out of this goal, I really want a box office blockbuster, just because I would love to have the achievement. SILENT NIGHT is a contender, I am sure of it.

I have absolutely written scripts with commercial viability top of mind.

The outcome I am looking for is to have credibility in the industry so that selling scripts will be easier once I have broken into the industry.

My short-term or immediate goal is to finish up my Horror script,

The Long Dark (in the second act)

Finish up the second script in my mini-series; Village Fringe Productions Silent Night, (completed) Pirate, (halfway), and Cocoa (high concept only)

Silent Night is completed and will be working with my TOTE team almost immediately to get feedback.

Old Buffalo Hospital is completed and I will be marketing soon.

When I have successfully completed these tasks, I will be transforming the Village Fringe series (2 so far) into screenplays.

B. What are you going to do to elevate quality?

I will work harder on outlining, and not take off into writing before I have finished outlining.

I am creating hard copies of skill sheets for quick and easy reference for testing.

I feel I must prove myself in terms of selling a script and then will continue to invest in my education. It is time for the rubber to meet the road in my writing career.

C. How are you going to build a library of marketable scripts?

I have made a start.

My short-term or immediate goal is to finish up my Horror script,

The Long Dark (in the second act)

Finish up the second script in my mini-series; Village Fringe Productions Silent Night, Pirate, and Cocoa (now working on Pirate’s second act.)

Silent Night is completed and will be working with my TOTE team almost immediately to get feedback. My initial commercial goal is to have this script auctioned.

Old Buffalo Hospital is completed and I will be marketing soon.

When I have successfully completed these tasks, I will be transforming /the Village Fringe series (novels) 2 so far, into one feature screenplay.

D. What do you think might be your specialty (brand)?

Interesting and engaging story worlds that provide a unique stage to address current/relatable universal social issues with humour,( where possible,) magic, and love A little Spielberg and a dash of Charles Dickens.

E. How are you going to build a stronger network?

This is my crucible. Use the techniques taught to us in Pro Series. Have signed up with Imbd Pro. Use daily Kaizen. Measure activities.

F. How are you going to improve your understanding of doing this business?

Continuing to listen to producer interviews; Film Courage, and any other producer info I can get my hands on. Also by ‘doing’ not just agonizing and thinking myself into analysis paralysis.

G. How are you going to market yourself and your writing?

1. Whatever I can implement for Hal and Cheryl. 2. VPN 3 connect with actors who might want a role. Do forensic digging to find out relevant producers, ie not a shotgun approach.

I am very grateful to Cheryl and Hal for the knowledge and the tools to do my job.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper uses TOTE

What I learned; Using the TOTE checklist of tasks helps me to be cool when feeling overwhelmed with tasks to get my best foot forward with a high-quality piece I can be proud to submit to a producer.

How I am going to use the T O T E process;

My script

Ask my team for feedback.

Apply necessary changes

review skill mastery sheets

My Query letters

Adopt the model from PS 81

Feedback from my team

Apply as needed

Building my Network

I am assembling my T O T E team PS 81 and Horror, other online helpers writers producers teachers, and allied industry professionals, potential friends who may be representative of the target audience.

My operating model with my team is to provide service to my members first and then ask for their help.

Social Media work on building a posting regime. May use software to populate posts to multiple sites.

Give my script to a script consultant.

[anna harper]

What I learned this time around. Feedback was useful and added another element to improve a scene.

THE LONG DARK VERSION version 3

Changes in bold

Frankie has the radio playing quietly in the background, Country and Western music. He is pottering around, arranging two mugs for tea. He picks up his dead wife’s framed picture and talks to her.

FRANKIE

I am so tired Rosie. The burdens are weighing too heavy for me. I am getting too old for this craziness the young one’s have got themselves into. And I’m afraid. Afraid that I can’t do anything to change the great sorrow that our people are in. I am afraid of the attacks, they are getting worse each day. I can’t figure out what to do to stop them. Sometimes, I am falling down myself. The only thing that keeps me going is talking to you and the Big Book.

Shall I read you, Rosie, what the Big Book says about fear?

Fear is an evil, corroding thread; the fabric of our lives is shot through with it. Fear is surely a bar to reason, and to love, and of course, it invariably powers anger, vain glory, and aggression. It underlies maudlin guilt and paralyzing depression.

A low howl of the Sasquatch is heard. Frankie puts down his AA Big Book and listens.

FRANKIE CONTD

Jesus, another attack. What will be found in the morning? Who will be ripped to pieces and eaten alive this time?

Frankie kisses his wife’s picture. I am lonely Rosie, I wish you were here to help me find wisdom to lead our people. I am weary and feel like giving up.

Frankie is unaware of what is appearing in the patio window and keeps on talking to his dead wife.

Slowly, silently, an upside-down form( like BATMAN), hands, shoulders, and face, appears silently. Sasquatch is watching and listening in on Frankie through the patio window.

HOWLING, blood-curdling sounds are very loud. Frankie drops the picture and the glass breaks. The mugs on the table rattle, a picture on the wall falls down.

FRANKIECONTD

Smell, that Goddam smell, SHOUTING

Frankie spins around

You don’t frighten me Sasquatch,

Frankie’s face is contorted in fear, his eyes wide.

panicking, stuttering I am living a good life now. I’m getting my 10 years sobriety pin soon. So you can get the hell outta my yard already!

Sasquatch has vanished. The sound of the blood-curdling howling is now sad and sounds far away in the distance. Frankie clasps his chest and takes some NITRO out of his shirt pocket. He sits down briefly and looks at the logs burning in the stove. Gets up stumbling a little, and clumsily sweeps the glass away.

FRANKIE CONTD

It’s gonna be a cold one tonight Rosie, gonna freeze our arses off if I don’t get some more logs in. I put the mugs on the table. How about I make up the fire and we have some tea, go to bed, crawl in the flannel sheets and have us a good sleep. Sasquatch has gone now. No need to be afraid Rosie.

Frankie dons his winter jacket and opens the cabin door, some snow blows in. Frankie steps outside and looks around. He walks over to the wood stack and picks up several logs, muttering to himself.

FRANKIE CONTD

I can feel my God dam eyeballs freezing in my head its so cold.

Bushes near the property make huge swaying movements. Branches crack. Then the noise stops. Frankie drops his wood and turns to go to the cabin. There is more noise behind him, a low growl and a huffing sound. Frankie turns slowly, he looks petrified. The head of a gigantic Grizzly bear pokes out of the bushes. The bear walks a couple of paces forward.

Frankie speaks in a loud authoritative tone.

FRANKIE

Brother, I am not for you. You will not eat me tonight. Yes, I am afraid of you, but I am not for you tonight my brother. Now go.

The bear turns and disappears back into the bushes.

Frankie says the traditional blessing and salutation.

Frankie contd.

Matsicho! All my relations.

Frankie half runs, half staggers back into the cabin.

He sits in his chair and picks up the phone.

FRANKIE CONTD.

It’s Frankie, you got my GPS. It’s my heart again, better call the air ambulance. I’m alone.

EXT.CABIN AERIAL VIEW/NIGHT

Sounds of helicopter ambulance.

F.O.

This reply was modified 2 days, 14 hours ago by anna harper.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna’s Query Letter Version 2

What I learned from this assignment; Reviewing the letter I realized I had left out what could be an important piece of information, a hook of sorts.

I let the producer know that I was working on the next two scripts for the series. Now I am second guessing wondering if this was the right thing to do?

So I tried wording it diplomatically, in case they don’t want that level of commitment.

Dear Producer of Holiday movies,

My research on VPN and IMbd indicates this could be what you are looking for:

SILENT NIGHT

It’s Christmas when a silent, bullied teenage boy meets Alfie a homeless dog with superpowers in a garbage skiff; together they win over schoolyard bullies and Dylan finds his voice

SYNOPSIS

Superdog Alfie uses his telepathic skills to speak to Dylan, breaking his world of silence.

He coaches Dylan to communicate with his Dad about the schoolyard bullies and his nasty teacher, (who has designs on Dylan’s Dad and wishes to send Dylan to boarding school.).

With Alfie’s help, Dylan rescues his friend Lilly from the school cellar; avoids being sent away to boarding school, wins over the bullies, and introduces his Dad to a new romantic interest

.

My background is in social work. (RSW ret) I have worked with mute traumatized clients.

I spent a year living in the village used as an example for the story world. (Lyme Regis Dorset UK.)

Please note, SILENT NIGHT is potentially a pilot, with two other optional screenplays PIRATE AND COCOA in development. These screenplays feature Alfie’s littermates all of whom have various superpowers. Alfie is a Newfoundland dog.

If you like the concept I would be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely D.Anna Harper

villagefringeproductions@gmail.com

phone

address

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Query Letter

What I learned from this assignment. Previously my query letters were really flat. Now there are more alive and interesting, and hopefully what the producers want.

Dear Producer of Holiday movies,

My research on VPN and IMbd indicates this could be what you are looking for.

SILENT NIGHT

It’s Christmas when a silent, bullied teenage boy meets Alfie a homeless dog with superpowers in a garbage skiff; together they win over schoolyard bullies and Dylan finds his voice

SYNOPSIS

Superdog Alfie uses his telepathic skills to speak to Dylan, breaking his world of silence.

He coaches Dylan to communicate with his Dad about the schoolyard bullies and his nasty teacher, (who has designs on Dylan’s Dad and wishes to send Dylan to boarding school.).

With Alfie’s help, Dylan rescues his friend Lilly from the school cellar; avoids being sent away to boarding school, wins over the bullies, and introduces his Dad to a new romantic interest.

My background is in social work. (RSW ret) I have worked with mute traumatized clients.

I spent a year living in the village used as an example for the story world.

If you like the concept I would be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely D.Anna Harper

villagefringeproductions@gmail.com

phone

address

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Lots of Hooks for SILENT NIGHT

What I learned from the assignment. I have been doing it all wrong! What a great systematic way to approach the task of hooks and query letters. This is a much more predictable way of giving producers what they want in a query phone or letter approach, Thanks.

Characters Hooks

ALFIE

5. 6.8. 10. 13, 17 , 19

DYLAN

2. 5. 7, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 19.

STEVE

9. 15, 16, 17, 4, 20 21

1. Christmas; Christmas season established

2. mute traumatized teenager; Dylan is mute and refuses to speak since the death of his mother

3. bullying. The school children bully Dylan, as does his homeroom teacher.

4. romance Steve meets and falls for Mickey the baker

5. garbage skiff; Dylan hides in a garbage skiff to escape the bullies and meets Alfie. Later Steve and Alfie locate Dylan in the garbage skiff after he has run away

6. Alife the dog with superpowers Alife is able to communicate telepathically with Dylan, breaking his isolation and opening a channel of communication. He encourages Dylan to speak and to use his artwork as a means of expressing and communicating his problems.

7. secrets Alfie’s secret is that he is a homeless dog with superpowers. He reveals this to Dylan and requests Dylan reveal his secrets as to why he will not talk.

8. funny Steve discovers Alfie in the bathtub with Dylan.

9. death of mother The death of Dylan’s mother two years ago, is still deeply affecting both Steve and Dylan. They visit her at her grave at Christmas.

10. homeless Alfie is a homeless dog. We do not know the backstory.

11. bad teacher bully The teacher Elizabeth dislikes the school children and terrorizes them. Dylan is her main target as she sees him as a barrier to having a romance with Steve.

12. boarding school Dylan is threatened with boarding school.

13. breakthrough silence Alfie coaches Dylan at key moments to use his words. Gradually this works. Initially, it gets him in more trouble.

14. running away; Dylan runs away when a decision is made to send him to boarding school. He is wrongly accused of causing trouble, when in fact he was rescuing Lilly his friend from a locked cellar. Locked by Elizabeth.

15. rescue Dylan rescues Lilly, from the cellar. Alfie rescues Dylan from the garbage skiff and locates him when he runs away, Steve is the local hero who rescues as part of his volunteer work as the village fireman. Finally, Dylan rescues Victor the bully from loneliness and parental strife on Day.

16. dog pound Alfie is threatened by Steve with the dog pound. As Dylan becomes more and more verbal, Steve appreciates Alfie as a valuable member of the family and agrees to adopt Alfie.

17. angels Angles are a subliminal symbolic theme throughout alluding to the deceased mother’s presence, and finally, Alfie receives an angel name tag from Micket who gets the situation, as A Christmas presence and acknowledgment of Alfie’s help.

18. Christmas visit to mother’s grave Christmas is a key time for the family to visit and commune with Dyalns deceased mother. Alfie is introduced as a new friend at the graveside.

19. set up for the series At the conclusion of the story, Alfie and Dylan conspire to find Alfie’s littermates.

20 single-parent Steve s load as a single parent is relatable, and consequently, as he is overburdened he misses vital clues as he rushes about trying to hold down jobs and parent.

21 local hero Steve loves being a local hero, both driving the senior citizens’ bus and double

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Logline and One-Sentence Phone Pitch for

SILENT NIGHT Pilot 1/3

What I learned from this assignment; multiple efforts enabled me to clarify what I need to do and say when pitching verbally or in written submission.

Pitches SILENT NIGHT

a. Protagonist __has problem___ and ___must achieve goal__ to solve that problem.

DYLAN a mute teenage boy is being BULLIED. He must let ALFIE a homeless dog with superpowers into his world to help him find his voice and succeed in solving the bullying problem.

b. Protagonist has __a goal__ but ___major obstacle___ stands in his/her way.

DYLAN a teenage boy wants to live with his father and avoid being sent away to a special boarding school. Dylan is traumatized by his mother’s death and refuses to speak. Bullies torment him and his school wants to expel Dylan.

c. (Situation) causes (main character) to face (largest obstacle) and (outcome).

Grief, and bullying cause Dylan a teenage boy to retreat into silence until he is discovered by a homeless dog ALFIE who befriends Dylan helping him to speak again and win over the bullies.

Phone pitch

It’s Christmas when a silent, bullied teenage boy meets Alfie a homeless dog with superpowers, in a garbage skiff; together they win over the bullies and Dylan finds his voice.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Expanding Network Day 5

What I learned doing this assignment. The step-by-step approach will help me stick to concrete actions.

I changed all my social media accounts to reflect my current reality and life as a writer. I have added a few followers. I will simply follow up for a couple of days before contacting producers so I have something to add about their interests.

As marketing is a huge task, I made a spreadsheet (physical) to keep me on track with daily activities. I can change the spreadsheet as I find out what works.

https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=38230b27cd&attid=0.1&permmsgid=msg-a:r9117873862560276064&th=1821e6da926eb8ce&view=att&disp=safe&realattid=1821e6c831f11040f6e1

Twitter account

@fringemovies

Facebook

Village Fringe Productions

Linkedin http://www.linkedin.com/in/anna-harper-9234a2168

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Day 6

Anna’s Marketable Components

What I learned doing this assignment; gave me some confidence in marketing my script which still feels like a mammoth task.

.
CURRENT LOGLINE

SILENT NIGHT Pilot of a 3 part series

inspired by a true story

It’s Christmas when Alfie, a homeless Newfoundland dog with superpowers meets Dylan, a traumatized mute boy.

Alfie helps Dylan become intrepid, win over the bullies in unique ways and find his voice.

Business hooks/pitch

SILENT NIGHT is in excellent box office company with many successful Dog/Christmas-themed movies

Hotel for Dogs, Beethoven, Marley and Me are a small selection of many high-grossing box office movies featuring dogs.

SILENT NIGHT has a wide audience appeal; a family movie with a characterful choice of dog breed, and a Christmas theme set in the story world of an English seaside village. The co-star Dylan; a young teenager endures and triumphs over multiple difficulties that the audience can relate to.

[anna harper]

NEW SUBMISSION FOR ASSIGNMENT Apologies, I did not read the instructions properly (late at night) so I am resending the work in the correct format. Unfortunately, I have tried several times to edit/delete the original work and it will not delete.

What I learned the second time around. It helped me mine work for greater emotional depth.

MIDPOINT

HORROR SITUATION The Chief is about to become the next victim in the SASQUATCH/BEAR ATTACKS</font>

Forboding

ESTABLISHING ISOLATION

EXT. AERIAL VIEW OF LONE CABIN/NIGHT</font>

EERIE MUSIC

33 INT. CHIEF’S FRANKIE MANYSTREAMS CABIN/EVENING

FRANKIE is puttering around, unaware of what is about to happen.

He talks to his dead wife. Frankie is depressed and very anxious regarding the attacks on the village residents. his face is sad and anxious ANXIETY/FEAR

Frankie hears the far away sound of the gut-wrenching sound of SASQUATCH FEAR/DREAD His facial expression and body language express alarm.

FRANKIE CONTD

Frankie continues to dialogue with his wife, wondering in alarm who is going to be attacked next. His face is anguished and then angry.

The howling gets much louder and much closer. Vibrations from the tremendous howl cause things to fall and break in Frankie’s cabin.

Frankie is shocked by this new onslaught of sound, he steadies himself with the table, His expression has moved from anguish to suspense. Frankie knows the appearance of SASQUATCH means he could be next. In a state of dread and suspense, he drops his wife’s picture, then the door blows open.

Frankie is a naturally stoic brave leader, his emotions shift to reactive, kicking the door closed, and shouting at the SASQUATCH angrily to leave him alone. Frankie argues with the SASQUATCH that he is a good man and does not deserve this horror. Frankie’s face is contorted with fear and yet he tells the beast that he is not afraid. He tells the beast to go away in an assertive fashion.

Frankie’s fear gets the better of him, he clasps his chest and takes some NITRO

The howling is now very distant and sad. The crisis appears to be over.RELEASE

It’s a very cold night and Frankie decided it’s safe enough for him to go outside and get some logs. He tells his dead wife she has no need to be afraid as SASQUATCH has gone. SUBTEXT audience knows better. Apprehension

34 EXT.FRANKIES CABIN/NIGHT/LIGHT SNOW

NIGHT SKY filled with stars.

Frankie is outside, muttering to himself, oblivious.

There are sounds of bushes rustling, Frankie drops his firewood in a state of fear and turns to see a GRIZZLY BEAR stick his head out of the bushes

Frankie is initially shocked/petrified he switches his physical demeanor to demonstrate strength and assertiveness. He uses a traditional northern way of talking to a bear when encountered. The bear leaves.

Frankie’s bravery disappears as he runs, staggers frightened for his life, back into his cabin.

Frankie sits down, exhausted/depleted, he clutches his chest in pain and calls the nursing station for immediate help.

The sound of helicopter signals help is on the way release, and threat/foreboding as the sound gets louder.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper. Reason: RESENDING MESSED UP ASSIGNMENT

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Campaign Strategies and Tactics

What I learned from this assignment; I learned that it is important to thoroughly go through all the materials for marketing we have been given and see what is a good fit. I also learned that I need to spend some time every day working on my marketing.

MAIN GOAL

Sell the scripts I have, in the next 6 months (December 2022)

Line up a producer for the next scripts adapted from my books by December 2022.

MAIN STRATEGIES

MARKET high concept only

IMBD use to find producers with similar movies

use IMBD to cross reference actors and their producers

TACTICS

Approach two producers who I have connections with.

Use Virtual Pitch Fest to gather more data on appropriate producers to contact

Use a community contact to link with others in the industry

Use one of the examples in the class, ie offering the first 3 pages (and include 10)

Check out all the resources provided to us in the class to see what fits.

Look for an opportunity to pitch in Holywood virtually.

Link online with my ScreenwritingU classmates

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Scary as Hell Scenes

What I learned from this assignment; it gave me clarity and helped me identify new opportunities to add to the story web making it more interesting.

ALL HORROR SCENES IN BOLD HEADINGS

THE LONG DARK Screenplay by Anna Harper based on some true events.

ACT 1

ESTABLISHING

1 EXT.YUKON FOREST/EARLY WINTER/DAY/DARK

Aerial view of the remote Yukon bushland. ISOLATED

Loud sounds of wolves howling EERIE

SOUNDS of distant traditional native drumming

2 INT/GRUNGY BAR/TRAILER/AFTERNOON/DARK

The neon sign is half burned out. Cigarette smoke fills the sir and the smell of stale beer/vomit and piss.

Tennesse Whisky is playing on the jukebox.

A lone Caucasian man (Smiley Ford) is sitting at a table in the corner, drinking beer. He is middle-aged, with thinning and receding hair, (a comb-over.) A large snake tattoo is visible on his forearm. He is scruffily dressed, contrasted with an expensive-looking gold chain around his neck, and well-worn but expensive cowboy boots. He has a bunch of keys, suspended by a chain, hanging from his belt.

Two men, Norman and Francis Smith two brothers, indigenous young men, dirty T-shirts, and jeans, tall and skinny, they are already intoxicated. The men stumble into the bar, giving each other a punch as they enter.

SMILEY eyes the men up as they approach the bar.

SMILEY

Hey, barman, give these guys a beer on me.

FRANCIS

Thanks. Do we know you?

SMILEY

Nope, better make me some friends. My first time on this rez.

NORMAN

Do ya mind if we sit at your table then?

SMILEY

Lights himself a cigarette. Blows the smoke out slowly.

What do you do for fun around here? Looks pretty dead, even for A bush rez.

FRANCIS

Play a little pool, get drunk, fight. Wait for the next welfare check.

NORMAN

We do some hunting when the mood takes us.

SMILEY

Oh yeah. I was thinking of doing a little hunting myself while I was up here.

NORMAN

Where you from then?

SMILEY

The city, sometimes. I go where there is opportunity. Don’t stick around too long. I get bored, which is bad. Makes me angry and restless, then it’s time to move on. Know what I mean?

FRANCIS

So what kinda huntin’ you want to do? Maybe we can help you out. We got the guns and the knives. We even got us a ski-doo, though the snow is only just a startin’, so we won’t be needing those yet.

SMILEY

Well, maybe you could be of some help. I fancy a little deer hunting. How’s 100 bucks to be my guide. And other 100 to keep your mouths shut.

NORMAN

No license eh? No worries. How about another beer then?

SMILEY

Let’s go talk in my truck.

3 EXT.PARKING AREA/DARK AFTERNOON

SMILEY’S truck is a late model one ton. The paint looks new, and the tires and hub caps look fancy though there is road dirt halfway up the box. The men pile in, one sits in the rear of the cab.

SMILEY reaches under the seat and pulls out a half of vodka, and passes it to the men.

FRANCIS

Who Hoo good times.

SMILEY

Where is everyone? Thee’s no one out and about and it’s still early.

NORMAN

Drinks from the bottle.

It’s bingo night, everyone’s at the bingo in the Church.

SMILEY

Jeezus! Where are the girls? Do you want to do a little deer hunting, my way?

FRANCIS

What’s that then?

SMILEY

First, we need us an old truck with a canopy. We can boost one if there’s one parked up somewhere.

NORMAN

Then what?

SMILEY

I found a small cabin about 10 miles out when I came up here on the old bush road.

FRANCIS Then what?

SMILEY

We go get us a deer. The two-legged kind.

The men are silent while their intoxicated brains and confused expressions process the information.

FRANCIS

Do you mean you want to take a woman up there? We could ask around, and see who is interested.

SMILEY

That’s no fun. No, we are going hunting.

There are a few rules for this hunting expedition.

Rule number 1, I go first, got it!

Rule number 2 keep your mouths shut.

SMILEY takes a pistol from an underarm holster. The men’s eyes widen. Then he takes out a handful of bills and throws them over his shoulder to the back seat where NORMAN is sitting.

NORMAN

What did you say your name was?

SMILEY

I don’t know your name, and you don’t know my name. And now let’s go get us some deer meat!

4 EXT.DEEP FOREST BUSH ROAD/EVENING

An old canopied truck is parked on the bush road.

SMILEY FORD, FRANCIS SMITH, AND NORMAN SMITH are wearing ski masks.

Laughing and cursing they get out of the truck, then drag a girl (Willow Summer out of the back of the truck canopy.)

She is kicking, screaming, and yelling at them that her father and brothers will kill them. She begs them to let her go.

SMILEY

Get her over to the cabin as quickly as you can. Shut the fuck up or I’ll give you something to scream about.

You ‘r goin- a -be screaming pretty quick here anyways!

The men laugh and drag her, holding her by her hair to the broken-down cabin.

SMILEY

Fetches the gas can out of the truck.

We’ll be disposin’ of our evidence. No need to tell the cops what we’ve been doing a little sport eh, boys?

A murder of crows are making their loud noisy calls near the cabin.

NORMAN

The men note the HUGE BEAR claw marks

on the cabin door and laugh.

NORMAN

Looks like a big ol’ bear came a-visiting already!

5 INT.ABANDONED CABIN/NIGHT

The men tie WILLOW with ropes to various pieces of furniture.

SMILEY

Remember rule number 1 boys, I always go first! pass me the booze. You make yourselves comfortable and have some beers.

WILLOW is screaming/cursing trying to pull herself free.

SMILEY

Picks up the gasoline can and pours gas on her legs and arms.

If you don’t want to be burned alive, shut the fuck up!

6. EXT. AERIAL VIEW OF CABIN AND FOREST/NIGHT

TERRIBLE SCREAMS from the cabin can be heard throughout the woods.

7 INT.CABIN/NIGHT

The men continued to drink throughout their evil assault, and eventually, pass out.

The girl is barely functioning she is traumatized, sobbing

She uses her last strength to undo the ropes, escapes, the cabin

8 EXT.CABIN. EARLY MORNING

WILLOW takes off, screaming down the road in the truck.

The crows outside of the cabin MORPH into GIANT GRIZZLY BEARS

9 INT.CABIN/MORNING

The men are coming back to consciousness in the shack where they attacked the girl.

They are woken by a rank stench, and then the screams of SASQUATCH

NORMAN opens the door, and runs,

10 EXT.CABIN/EARLY MORNING

and is ripped to pieces, eaten alive by A LARGER THAN LIFE GRIZZLY BEAR bear (spirit animal)

11 INT.CABIN/EARLY MORNING

FRANCIS wakes and notices the girl is gone, hears his brother screaming,

GRIZZLY BEAR NO 2 sticks his head in the cabin facing FRANCIS for ONE BEAT

FRANCIS is HYSTERICAL/SCREAMING

BEAR MAKES THE SOUNDS OF ATTACK: HUFFING LEAPS FORWARD ONTO SCREAMING FRANCIS and drags him outside

12 EXT.EXT CABIN/EARLY MORNING

GRIZZLY BEAR NO 2 rips FRANCIS limb from limb.

SMILEY FORD Slithers along the wall of the cabin and then runs like hell through the bush.

GIANT GRIZZLY BEAR continues to maul and eats FRANCIS alive, SCREAMING/LIMBS FLYING/BLOOD AND GORE

MUSIC UP DREMEKA Choir Heavy Metal Britney Spears Song) TOXIC

DISSOLVE TO

FOREBODING

13 EXT.REZ.HELICOPTER LANDING AREA/DAY

HELICOPTER IS ALREADY LANDED, DUST WIND, BLADES SLOW AND STOP.

HELICOPTER SIGNAGE READS WILD BIL COPTERS

LILLY CARR exits the helicopter.

LILLY

Wow, that was some ride! It looks beautiful here.

BILL

This is one of the most notorious reserves in the whole of the God-forsaken bush. It’s very dangerous Lilly. If you need to get out fast, you can call me. You’ve got my satellite phone number. How long is your government project going for?

LILLY

Eight weeks. Then I am off to Cabo for sun, Pina Coladas, and swimming in a warm ocean.

BILL

I will be dropping off supplies here in about a week. How about I check in with you then and see how you are doing, make sure you are OK? What is it you are doing here anyhow?

LILLY

You never quite know how these projects are going to turn out, what I am supposed to do is help the local women sell their crafts in art stores down south.

BILL

Well, good luck see you in a week or so and don’t forget what I said if you need to get out of here FAST call me.

LILLY

LILLY makes eye contact with Bill, and smiles, she likes him. Bill is easy on the eye.

Thanks, Bill I am sure everything will be just fine. And I’m really excited about having the Yukon experience. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to come this far north, see wildlife and you know, take part in First Nations ceremonies and the like.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>14 EXT.CABIN/DAY

LILLY is in her cabin and decides to leave her cabin and go for a walk on the game trail in the woods behind her cabin. SOUNDS of her breaking branches, the beginning of snow falling, SILENCE She is enjoying the walk, relaxed.

She finds a frog and talks to the frog, ASKING THE FROG

why he is not asleep yet?

She tells him she understands he is SPECIAL SPIRITI ANIMAL MEANING which is to give her a message: she is to talk to many people.

She tells the frog she will take him to the water at the edge of the quarry in the woods. She wraps the frog in her scarf and carries him to the quarry deeper into the woods.

The light, which is already grey begins to fade. She leaves the frog and starts to retrace her steps. DISTANT SOUND OF WOLVES HOWLING

LILLY IS BEGINNING TO FEEL ANXIOUS, which shows on her face/ STRUGGLES TO MOVE THROUGH THE BUSH WHICH SEEMS TO BE ENTRAPPING HER//HEAVY BREATHING. BIRDS SQUAWKING IN THE BUSH

To CALM HERSELF SHE BEGINS TO TALK OUT LOUD admires and talks about the plants/berries/trees. Suddenly, she notices an engulfing rank smell, and wonders what it is dead wildlife?

She hears a BLOOD-CURDLING HOWL not a wolf/cougar.

She begins to get scared, panics, and tries to hurry back along the path, her feet getting stuck in branches

She stops suddenly, her breath gasping. In the distance at the end of the path part of a strange animal appears.

It is huge, a back view, something like a man, something like an ape, she doesn’t know what she is seeing, she is frozen with fear and lured with fascination. She takes a couple of steps toward the beast,

The BEAST instantly VANISHES. She walks and runs the rest of the way towards her cabin, as she reaches the door, she hears the blood-curdling sound again, MUCH LOUDER AND CLOSER terrified she turns to see SASQUATCH. She freezes and looks directly at him. He disappears. before her eyes.

15 INT.GEORGE’S TRAILER/DAY

LILLY consults George an elder and healer for advice

16 INT. GEORGE’S TRAILER/NIGHT

GEORGE is freaking out, and calls his AA sponsor for support.

17 LILLY phones BILL for support.

ACT 2

18 INT.COMMUNITY BUILDING/NIGHT

The band CHIEF FRANKY MANYSTREAMS calls a town hall meeting to warn the residents

that Sasquatch and the bears are hunting them. in retribution for their crimes. Some residents are scornful.

19 EXT.TRUCK/NIGHT/SNOWING

Three people from the meeting are consuming white lightening. They are drunk, they drive off in the pitch black snowing night.

20 EXT. TRUCK/NIGHT

NIGHT SKY covered with dense starlight.

A larger-than-life COYOTE SHAPESHIFTER runs in front of the truck, stops, and looks directly at them.

The truck kills the COYOTE SHAPESHIFTER, the truck rolls over into the ditch. They all get out, drunk, dazed but alive. They walk over to the road to check on the coyote, he has disappeared, with no traces of blood. The girl SCREAMS SHAPESHIFTER The men laugh and then agree to get the hell outta here.

They start staggering down the road as the truck is undrivable. THEY NOTICE An ENGULFING RANK SMELL, THEY FREEZE, The girl screams “SASQUATCH!”

SASQUATCH APPEARS AHEAD OF THEM, scares the hell out of them, They are SCREAMING, BEGGING. and SUDDENLY SASQUATCH DISAPPEARS Into a mist.

The group starts to run down the highway when out of the ditch a TWICE THE SIZE OF A REGULAR GRIZZLY BEAR raises its head.

The GROUP IS SCREAMING AND CRYING.

The GIANT GRIZZLY grabs a screaming BUDDY WEASELFOOT and takes him into the bush to eat him. LIMBS FLYING, HIGH PITCHED SCREAMS

A murder of CROWS is on the side of the road, the crows are talking.

The rest of the group runs STAGGERS screaming into the dark towards the village. It starts to snow. The CROWS land/flutter down on the road in front of the group and just disappear, with more screaming from the group.

21 INT. LILLY’S CABIN/DAY

LILLY takes a call from BILL. Cautions her to be careful, says he will be dropping off supplies and they should meet up.

22 INT.COMMUNITY BUILDING/NEXT DAY

CHIEF MANYSTREAMS summons the residents. The Chief explains that SASQUATCH is intelligent, WORKING TOGETHER with other SPIRIT ANIMALS stalking, hunting them, and killing in retribution. They hold a healing, cleansing ceremony.

23 INT COMMUNITY BUILDING/DAY

LILLY brings the local women together to work on selling their crafts. She asks if they want to make a movie talking about their lives on the rez.

24 EXT. VIEW OF VILLAGE RESERVATION/NIGHT

NORTHERN LIGHTS dance across the sky.

25 The entire village hears the CRACKLING of NORTHERN LIGHTS and then the HOWL OF SASQUATCH. Terrified residents start boarding windows and other protective actions.

26 EXT.VILLAGE/REZ ROAD/NIGHT

Yvonne Brownwolf, from the group, is walking home along the edge of the woods. A full-grown bull Elk comes out of the bush.

SHE RUNS TO HER TRUCK and gets her rifle off the back of the truck. She shoots the elk point-blank it doesn’t have any effect.

DISSOLVE TO

27 EXT.VILLAGE MAIN STREET/FRONT OF GROCERY STORE/EARLY MORNING

The gored body OF Yvonne Brownwolf is found in the middle of the village road near the grocery store.

28 EXT/VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

The village is in an emotional meltdown. A group of locals are standing and talking/crying.

29 INT.LILLY’S CABIN/DAY

Bill (helicopter Bill) drops by to see if Lilly wants off the rez. He brings her some buffalo meat and cooks it for her.

30 EXT.VILLAGE/DAY

The Mounties / State Police, go door to door, reassure people, and give them safety information.. It’s no use people are frantic.

31 EXT.POLICE STATION

MOUNTIES/STATE POLICE go out on snowmobiles to check the bush with the local trappers, accompanying them. No result.

32 EXT.CHIEFMANYSTREAMS CABIN/NIGHT

.EXT. AIRIALl VIEW OF CHIEF’S BUSH CABIN/EVENING/ESTABLISHING

Smoke is rising from the chimney atop Chief Manyriver’s cabin.

Snow is falling gently, the air is still and silent.

33 INT. CHIEF’S FRANKIE MANRIVERS’S CABIN/EVENING

Frankie has the radio playing quietly in the background, Country and Western music. He is pottering around, arranging two mugs for tea. He picks up his dead wife’s framed picture and talks to her.

FRANKIE

I am so tired Rosie. The burdens are weighing too heavy for me. I am getting too old for this craziness the young one’s have got themselves into. And I’m afraid. Afraid that I can’t do anything to change the great sorrow that our people are in. I am afraid of the attacks, they are getting worse each day. I can’t figure out what to do to stop them. Sometimes, I am falling down myself. The only thing that keeps me going is talking to you and the Big Book.

Shall I read you, Rosie, what the Big Book says about fear?

Fear is an evil, corroding thread; the fabric of our lives is shot through with it. Fear is surely a bar to reason, and to love, and of course, it invariably powers anger, vain glory, and aggression. It underlies maudlin guilt and paralyzing depression.

A far away howl of the Sasquatch is heard. Frankie puts down his AA Big Book and listens.

FRANKIE CONTD

Jesus, another attack. What will be found in the morning? Who will be ripped to pieces and eaten alive this time?

Frankie kisses his wife’s picture. I am lonely Rosie, I wish you were here to help me find wisdom to lead our people. I am weary and feel like giving up.

HOWLING, blood-curdling sounds are very loud, MUCH CLOSER to Frankie’s cabin. Frankie drops the picture and the glass breaks. The mugs on the table rattle, and the door blows open. Frankie kicks it shut.

FRANKI CONTD

I cans smell, that Goddam STINK of SASQUATCH,

SHOUTING

You don’t frighten me Sasquatch,

Frankie’s face is contorted in fear, his eyes wide.

SHOUTING I am living a good life now. I’m getting my 10 years sobriety pin soon. So you can get the hell outta my yard already!

The sound of the blood-curdling howling is now sad and far away in the distance. Frankie clasps his chest and takes some NITRO out of his plaid shirt pocket. He sits down briefly and looks at the logs burning in the stove.

FRANKIE CONTD

It’s gonna be a cold one tonight Rosie, gonna freeze our arses off if I don’t get some more logs in. I put the mugs on the table. How about I make up the fire and we have some tea, go to bed, crawl in the flannel sheets and have us a good sleep. Sasquatch has gone now. No need to be afraid Rosie.

34 EXT.FRANKIES CABIN/NIGHT/LIGHT SNOW

NIGHT SKY filled with stars.

Frankie dons his winter jacket, opens the cabin door, snow blows in. Frankie steps outside and looks around. He walks over to the wood stack and picks up several logs, muttering to himself.

FRANKIE CONTD

I can feel my God dam eyeballs freezing in my head its so cold.

Bushes near the property make huge swaying movements. Branches crack. Then the noise stops. Frankie drops his wood and turns to return to the cabin. There is more noise behind him, a low growl and a huffing sound. Frankie turns slowly, he looks PETRIFIED. The HEAD of a gigantic GRIZZLY BEAR pokes out of the bushes. The bear walks a couple of paces forward.

Frankie speaks in a loud authoritative tone.

FRANKIE

Brother, I am not for you. You will not eat me tonight. Yes, I am afraid of you, but I am not for you tonight my brother. Now go!

The bear turns and disappears back into the bushes.

Frankie says the traditional blessing and salutation.

FRANKIE contd.

Matsicho! All my relations.

Frankie half runs, half staggers back into the cabin.

35 INT. FRANKIE’S CABIN/NIGHT

He sits in his chair, gasping for breath. He is holding his left arm close to his chest, his face contorted with pain, and picks up the phone.

FRANKIE CONTD.

It’s Frankie, you got my GPS. It’s my heart again, better call the helicopter ambulance. I’m alone.

36 EXT.CABIN AERIAL VIEW/NIGHT

Louder and louder sounds of a helicopter. The sky is dense with starlight.

37 INT.BAKED COFFEE SHOP/DAY

Bill has dropped by to visit with Lilly and check on her safety. Second contact, mutual interest established.

38 EXT. ROAD FORECOURT OF GARAGE/EARLY MORNING

In the grey Yukon morning, Smiley Ford, (snake tattoo visible), is walking from the gas station with a gas can in hand. Without any warning, behind SMILEY a COUGAR jumps down from a tree, a MUCH larger than usual COUGAR.

The COUGAR SPIRIT ANIMAL walks around SMILEY snarling. Terrorizing him.

SMILEY,

SOUNDS of urine hitting the ground as SMILEY wets himself.

The COUGAR jumps on him, rolling him on the ground while SMILEY screams, the GIANT COUGAR gets him face down and bites his neck. The man is still alive as the gas can spills on the road, ALL AROUND SMILEY.

SMILEY has many terrible injuries, though he is still alive, moaning, trying to move/crawling. The GIANT COUGAR stands back as the gas suddenly spontaneously bursts into flames, burning SCREAMING SMILEY alive.

39 INT.COFFEE SHOP/DAY

Chief has returned with a new heart stent. He holds a conversation between the local police and some of the residents revealing the woman killed had beaten her young daughter almost to death with a belt.

She had been convicted of attempted manslaughter and set free. They talk about the burned body of the white man with the SNAKE TATTOO and say they had him in sight as a suspect of the rape crime.

CONCLUSION

40 INT.COMMUNITY BUILDING/DAY

Chief holds a feast and healing ceremony and gives a speech about right conduct according to the ancestors. Chief talks about the conspiracy of silence which permeates village life after a crime has been committed and admonishes all to speak out. People in the village discuss the sounds of the SASQUATCH’S NIGHT TIME BLOOD CURDLING HOWLING has STOPPED

CHIEF FRANKY MANYSTREAMS says they should build a LONG HOUSE to practice the traditional ways and pay respect to their ancestors and heal the community.

41 INT.COMMUNITY BUILDING/NIGHT

POV INDIVIDUAL WOMEN’S artwork.

A group of women doing their handicrafts and TALKING INTO A CAMERA TELLING THE STORIES OF THEIR LIVES

42 EXT.BILL’S HELICOPTER LANDING/DAY

LILLY is standing waiting for bILL WITH HER BAGS PACKED.

FINAL SHOT

A VIEW OF THE VILLAGE IN YUKON GREY HALF-LIGHT, SNOW FALLING SASQUATCH HOWLING IN THE DISTANCE.

MUSIC UP HEARTBEAT DRUMMING ONLY

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Scary as Hell Scene

THE LONG DARK Screenplay by Anna Harper

What I learned from this assignment; it really helped me think through the development of the scene replete with horror set-ups pay-offs and emotional charge. apologies I went ahead and developed this scene, it just happened as I was doing the outline.

SITUATION

The village is in a collective emotional meltdown, hysterical.

Sightings of Sasquatch, and a number of residents are attacked or killed by wildlife, extraordinary wildlife; spirit animals have escalated the local resident’s hysteria.

The Mounties/State Police have been going door to door to check on people, and gather information.

The police/state troopers and local hunters/trappers have been out to check the surrounding area on their snowmobiles with no luck.

MIDPOINT

EXT. AIRIALl VIEW OF CHIEF’S BUSH CABIN/EVENING/ESTABLISHING

Smoke is rising from the chimney atop Chief Manyriver’s cabin.

Snow is falling gently, the air is still and silent.

INT. CHIEF’S FRANKIE MANRIVERS CABIN/EVENING

Frankie has the radio playing quietly in the background, Country and Western music. He is pottering around, arranging two mugs for tea. He picks up his dead wife’s framed picture and talks to her.

FRANKIE

I am so tired Rosie. The burdens are weighing too heavy for me. I am getting too old for this craziness the young one’s have got themselves into. And I’m afraid. Afraid that I can’t do anything to change the great sorrow that our people are in. I am afraid of the attacks, they are getting worse each day. I can’t figure out what to do to stop them. Sometimes, I am falling down myself. The only thing that keeps me going is talking to you and the Big Book.

Shall I read you, Rosie, what the Big Book says about fear?

Fear is an evil, corroding thread; the fabric of our lives is shot through with it. Fear is surely a bar to reason, and to love, and of course, it invariably powers anger, vain glory, and aggression. It underlies maudlin guilt and paralyzing depression.

A far away howl of the Sasquatch is heard. Frankie puts down his AA Big Book and listens.

FRANKIE CONTD

Jesus, another attack. What will be found in the morning? Who will be ripped to pieces and eaten alive this time?

Frankie kisses his wife’s picture. I am lonely Rosie, I wish you were here to help me find wisdom to lead our people. I am weary and feel like giving up.

HOWLING, blood-curdling sounds are very loud, close to Frankie’s cabin. Frankie drops the picture and the glass breaks. The mugs on the table rattle and a picture on the wall falls down.

FRANKI CONTD

Smell, that Goddam smell, SHOUTING

You don’t frighten me Sasquatch,

Frankie’s face is contorted in fear, his eyes wide.

SHOUTING I am living a good life now. I’m getting my 10 years sobriety pin soon. So you can get the hell outta my yard already!

The sound of the blood-curdling howling is now sad and far away in the distance. Frankie clasps his chest and takes some NITRO out of his shirt pocket. He sits down briefly and looks at the logs burning in the stove.

FRANKIE CONTD

It’s gonna be a cold one tonight Rosie, gonna freeze our arses off if I don’t get some more logs in. I put the mugs on the table. How about I make up the fire and we have some tea, go to bed, crawl in the flannel sheets and have us a good sleep. Sasquatch has gone now. No need to be afraid Rosie.

Frankie dons his winter jacket, opens the cabin door, some snow blows in. Frankie steps outside and looks around. He walks over to the wood stack and picks up several logs, muttering to himself.

FRANKIE CONTD

I can feel my God dam eyeballs freezing in my head its so cold.

Bushes near the property make huge swaying movements. Branches crack. Then the noise stops. Frankie drops his wood and turns to go to the cabin. There is more noise behind him, a low growl and a huffing sound. Frankie turns slowly, he looks petrified. The head of a gigantic Grizzly bear pokes out of the bushes. The bear walks a couple of paces forward.

Frankie speaks in a loud authoritative tone.

FRANKIE

Brother, I am not for you. You will not eat me tonight. Yes, I am afraid of you, but I am not for you tonight my brother. Now go.

The bear turns and disappears back into the bushes.

Frankie says the traditional blessing and salutation.

FRANKIE contd.

Matsicho! All my relations.

Frankie half runs, half staggers back into the cabin.

He sits in his chair, gasping for breath. He is holding his left arm close to his chest, his face contorted with pain, and picks up the phone.

FRANKIE CONTD.

It’s Frankie, you got my GPS. It’s my heart again, better call the air ambulance. I’m alone.

EXT.CABIN AERIAL VIEW/NIGHT

Sounds of helicopter ambulance.

F.O.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

What I learned from this process; I used a few resources to target British producers It was challenging so I had to go wide, using VPF, Wiki and Imbd, and used movies that may have elements of my screenplay but crossed over ie About a Boy and Doc Martin. I may have to change my tactics to access mass marketing.

PART 1 of Assignment

Genre

HOLIDAY/DRAMA

SILENT NIGHT PILOT FOR THREE-PART SERIES

LOGLINE

A giant dog with superpowers comes to the aid of a bullied teenager.

2 SENTENCE PITCH

It’s Christmas in an English village when DYLAN a traumatized mute boy, meets ALFIE ( a Newfoundland dog) while hiding from bullies in a garbage skiff.

ALFIE communicates with the boy telepathically and guides DYLAN to become intrepid in dealing with his tormentors and find his voice again.

SIMILAR MOVIE

This movie has elements in common with BEETHOVEN a dog/Christmas movie; $147.2 MILLION WORLDWIDE (1992)

My marketing target is PRODUCER.

Assignment Part 2

List of Movies

Beethoven’s Christmas Adventure

Christmas Vacation

Shelby

The Dog Who Saved Christmas

About A Boy

1.54

Accepted

The Cyberbully

Blinded by the Light

Kes

Contest

Ben X

List of Actors to Play in My Movie Silent Night

ALFIE V.O. Adam Sandler

Steve Joe Absolom

Mickey Jessica Parson

Elizabeth MacKenzie Foy

Dylan Woody Norman

List of Producers

Ken Loach

Adam Sandler

Dominic Minghella

Phillipa Braithwaite

Marcus Wilson

Jenny Frayn

Clare Shepard

Jesse Prupass

Jeff Freilich

Sandy Poustie

Rob Weston

Tim Hampton

Tim Bevan

Eric Fellman

Debra Haywood

Liza Chasin

Ryan Levee

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Scares, Release and Creepy Moments

What I learned from this assignment. This has helped me to look critically and creatively at ways to boost the HORROR in my script.

THE LONG DARK Screenplay by Anna Harper

EXT.GAS STATION CAR PARK/DAY

SITUATION

PRIMARY ANTAGONIST SMILEY FORD,

brutally attacked a local indigenous girl.

It’s barely light in the cool Yukon morning. Snow crunches under SMILEY FORD’S cowboy boots, the keys on his carabineer, jangle as he moves, carrying a gas tank to the pump.

Smiley’s sleeves are rolled up showing his snake tattoo.

The rez streets are empty, silent except for a low murmur of the wind.

Smiley is whistling as he fills up his spare gas tank at the pump..

Carrying the gas tank, he walks over to his truck, SMILEY startles at a LOUD THUMP behind him. He pivots to see what is there, NOTHING.

BEAT

SMILEY is frozen to the spot. momentarily

POV SIDE VIEW

A LARGE COUGAR SPIRIT ANIMAL has jumped down from a tree.

THE COUGAR is standing very still, raising his head to sniff the air.

The COUGAR’s fur appears to sparkle in the feeble sunlight. The COUGAR’S breath is visible hanging in the air.

SMILEY does not see the COUGAR positioned to the side.

Looking very warry he turns back towards his truck.

The cougar GROWLS

SMILEY turns very slowly and sees the COUGAR.

SMILEY’s face is contorted in fear, he backs up around the other side of the truck.

A RAVEN (SHAPESHIFTER) lands with squawks on the back of the truck.

THE COUGAR disappears into thin air.

SMILEY audibly panting, his body turning this way and that checking for the COUGAR.

SMILEY moves towards his truck door, eyes wide with PANIC,

SMILEY wets himself, urine sounds of trickling to the ground.

As he reaches for the door, the COUGAR appears in front of him again, walking/slinking towards SMILEY, causing SMILEY TO back up, into the open area of the gas station car park.

SMILEY stumbles backward and drops the gas can. He is lying on the ground, SMILEY is making hysterical noises.

The COUGAR paces towards SMILEY and then begins to circle him. SMILEY is starting to scream. The COUGAR swats at him with his paw. SMILEY rolls over from the force of the blow. THE COUGAR grabs SMILEY, FULL ON SCREAMING, by the neck and shakes him like a rag doll.

A MURDER OF CROWS land squawking near the scene. SASQUATCH is howling somewhere in the forest.

The COUGAR LUNGES at SMILEY ripping off a limb that flies through the air,

BLOOD everywhere. SMILEY lying on the ground screaming his guts out.

The COUGAR backs away and watches as SMILEY tries a few crawling movments.

SPONTANEOUSLY the gas tank spills, creating a pool of gas all around SMILEY. The gas erupts into a wall of flames.

SMILEY’s body is seen BURNING IN FLAMES AS SMILEY FLAILS ABOUT SCREAMING.

The CROWS and COUGAR disappear into a whirlwind of snow.

DISSOLVE TO

RELEASE is switching to the next scene.

RESOLUTION

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

I am behind so I placed the emotions for 1 and 2 in this submission.

What I learned from this assignment. A very useful technique for me to assess the tension and potential audience’s emotional engagement with the story.

THE LONG DARK screenplay by Anna Harper based on some true events

ACT 1

ESTABLISHING CREATING ATMOSPHERE FOR HORROR

EXT.YUKON FOREST/EARLY WINTER/DAY/DARK

Aerial view of the remote Yukon bushland. ISOLATED

Loud sounds of wolves howling EERIE

SOUNDS of distant traditional native drumming

INT/GRUNGY BAR/TRAILER/AFTERNOON/DARK

The neon sign is half burned out. Cigarette smoke fills the sir and the smell of stale beer/vomit and piss.

Tennesse Whisky is playing on the jukebox.

A lone Caucasian man SMILEY FORD is sitting at a table in the corner, drinking beer. He is middle-aged, with thinning and receding hair, (a comb-over.) A large snake tattoo is visible on his forearm. He is scruffily dressed, contrasted with an expensive-looking gold chain around his neck, and well-worn but expensive cowboy boots. He has a bunch of keys, suspended by a chain, hanging from his belt. FORESHADOWING

Two men, NORMAN AND FRANCIS SMITH two brothers, indigenous young men, dirty T-shirts, and jeans, tall and skinny, they are already intoxicated. The men stumble into the bar, giving each other a punch as they enter.

SMILEY eyes the men up as they approach the bar.

SMILEY

Hey, barman, give these guys a beer on me.

FRANCIS

Thanks. Do we know you?

SMILEY

Nope, better make me some friends. My first time on this rez.

NORMAN

Do ya mind if we sit at your table then?

SMILEY

Lights himself a cigarette. Blows the smoke out slowly.

What do you do for fun around here? Looks pretty dead, even for A bush rez.

FRANCIS

Play a little pool, get drunk, fight. Wait for the next welfare check.

NORMAN

We do some hunting when the mood takes us.

SMILEY

Oh yeah. I was thinking of doing a little hunting myself while I was up here.

NORMAN

Where you from then?

SMILEY

The city, sometimes. I go where there is opportunity. Don’t stick around too long. I get bored, which is bad. Makes me angry and restless, then it’s time to move on. Know what I mean? ANXIETY this guy is trouble

FRANCIS

So what kinda huntin’ you want to do? Maybe we can help you out. We got the guns and the knives. We even got us a ski-doo, though the snow is only just a startin’, so we won’t be needing those yet.

SMILEY

Well, maybe you could be of some help. I fancy a little deer hunting. How’s 100 bucks to be my guide. And other 100 to keep your mouths shut.

NORMAN

No license eh? No worries. How about another beer then?

SMILEY

Let’s go talk in my truck. FORESHADOWING trouble ahead

EXT.PARKING AREA/DARK AFTERNOON

SMILEY’S truck is a late model one ton. The paint looks new, and the tires and hub caps look fancy though there is road dirt halfway up the box. The men pile in, one sits in the rear of the cab.

SMILEY reaches under the seat and pulls out a half of vodka, and passes it to the men.

FRANCIS

Who Hoo good times.

SMILEY

Where is everyone? Thee’s no one out and about and it’s still early.

NORMAN

Drinks from the bottle.

It’s bingo night, everyone’s at the bingo in the Church.

SMILEY

Jeezus! Where are the girls? Do you want to do a little deer hunting, my way?

FEAR/SUSPENSE AND DREAD audience understands what may happen, feel dread for the intended victim/dread of consequences

FRANCIS

What’s that then? FRANCIS IS CURIOUS/EXCITED

SMILEY

First, we need us an old truck with a canopy. We can boost one if there’s one parked up somewhere.

NORMAN

Then what? NORMAN IS EXCITED/CURIOUS

SMILEY

I found a small cabin about 10 miles out when I came up here on the old bush road. ISOLATED HORROR ENVIRONMENT

creates anxiety for the audience.

FRANCIS Then what?

SMILEY

We go get us a deer. The two-legged kind. DREAD EXPERIENCE FOR THE AUDIENCE

The men are silent while their intoxicated brains and confused expressions process the information. ANXIETY FOR POTENTIAL CONSEQUENCES OF OUTCOME FOR NORMAN AND FRANCIS

FRANCIS

Speaking excitedly with agitated body language.

Do you mean you want to take a woman up there? We could ask around, and see who is interested. THE AUDIENCE EXPERIENCES ANXIETY AS THE SITUATION IS REVEALED/ FORESHADOWED.

SMILEY

That’s no fun. No, we are going hunting. HORROR SITUATION FOR THE AUDIENCE/NO TURNING BACK FROM PLANNED EVIL

There are a few rules for this hunting expedition.

Rule number 1, I go first, got it! ANGUISH EXPERIENCE FOR AUDIENCE/DELAYED OUTCOME

Rule number 2 keep your mouths shut.

SMILEY takes a pistol from an underarm holster. The men’s eyes widen. Then he takes out a handful of bills and throws them over his shoulder to the back seat where NORMAN is sitting. NORMAN AND FRANCIS ARE SURPRISED AND REALIZE THERE IS NO WAY OUT FOR THEM

NORMAN

What did you say your name was? ANXIOUS ABOUT WHAT HE IS ABOUT TO GET INVOLVED WITH

SMILEY

I don’t know your name, and you don’t know my name. And now let’s go get us some deer meat!

EXT.DEEP FOREST BUSH ROAD/EVENING ISOLATED SETTING FOR HORROR

An old canopied truck is parked on the bush road.

SMILEY FORD, FRANCIS SMITH, AND NORMAN SMITH are wearing ski masks.

Laughing and cursing they get out of the truck, then drag a girl WILLOW SUMMER out of the back of the truck canopy.)

She is kicking, screaming, and yelling at them that her father and brothers will kill them. She begs them to let her go. PANIC SITUATION FOR GIRL AND AUDIENCE

SMILEY

Get her over to the cabin as quickly as you can. Shut the fuck up or I’ll give you something to scream about.

You ‘r goin- a -be screaming pretty quick here anyways! DREAD/GREAT FEAR

The men laugh and drag her, holding her by her hair to the broken-down cabin. AUDIENCE IS EXPERIENCING ANGUISH

SMILEY

Fetches the gas can out of the truck. ESCALATED HORROR

We’ll be disposin’ of our evidence. No need to tell the cops what we’ve been doing a little sport eh, boys? AUDIENCE PANIC LEVEL

A murder of crows are making their loud noisy calls near the cabin.

NORMAN

The men note the HUGE BEAR claw marks

on the cabin door and laugh. FORESHADOWING OF HORROR DENIED

NORMAN

Looks like a big ol’ bear came a-visiting already!

The men tie WILLOW with ropes to various pieces of furniture.

WILLOW CONTINUES SCREAMING CURSING AND SPITTING AT THEM

HYSTERIA FOR WILLOW AND AUDIENCE

SMILEY

Picks up the gasoline can and pours gas on her legs, arms and her hair.

HORROR/DREAD for the girl and the audience

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s LESSON 9 Make your Outline Readable

What I learned from the assignment. The method made my work clearer. Thanks

THE LONG DARK a Screenplay by Anna Harper based on some true events.

ACT 1

ESTABLISHING

EXT.YUKON FOREST/EARLY WINTER/DAY/DARK

Aerial view of the remote Yukon bushland. ISOLATED

Loud sounds of wolves howling EERIE

SOUNDS of distant traditional native drumming

INT/GRUNGY BAR/TRAILER/AFTERNOON/DARK

The neon sign is half burned out. Cigarette smoke fills the sir and the smell of stale beer/vomit and piss.

Tennesse Whisky is playing on the jukebox.

A lone Caucasian man (Smiley Ford) is sitting at a table in the corner, drinking beer. He is middle-aged, with thinning and receding hair, (a comb-over.) A large snake tattoo is visible on his forearm. He is scruffily dressed, contrasted with an expensive-looking gold chain around his neck, and well-worn but expensive cowboy boots. He has a bunch of keys, suspended by a chain, hanging from his belt.

Two men, Norman and Francis Smith two brothers, indigenous young men, dirty T-shirts, and jeans, tall and skinny, they are already intoxicated. The men stumble into the bar, giving each other a punch as they enter.

SMILEY eyes the men up as they approach the bar.

SMILEY

Hey, barman, give these guys a beer on me.

FRANCIS

Thanks. Do we know you?

SMILEY

Nope, better make me some friends. My first time on this rez.

NORMAN

Do ya mind if we sit at your table then?

SMILEY

Lights himself a cigarette. Blows the smoke out slowly.

What do you do for fun around here? Looks pretty dead, even for A bush rez.

FRANCIS

Play a little pool, get drunk, fight. Wait for the next welfare check.

NORMAN

We do some hunting when the mood takes us.

SMILEY

Oh yeah. I was thinking of doing a little hunting myself while I was up here.

NORMAN

Where you from then?

SMILEY

The city, sometimes. I go where there is opportunity. Don’t stick around too long. I get bored, which is bad. Makes me angry and restless, then it’s time to move on. Know what I mean?

FRANCIS

So what kinda huntin’ you want to do? Maybe we can help you out. We got the guns and the knives. We even got us a ski-doo, though the snow is only just a startin’, so we won’t be needing those yet.

SMILEY

Well, maybe you could be of some help. I fancy a little deer hunting. How’s 100 bucks to be my guide. And other 100 to keep your mouths shut.

NORMAN

No license eh? No worries. How about another beer then?

SMILEY

Let’s go talk in my truck.

EXT.PARKING AREA/DARK AFTERNOON

SMILEY’S truck is a late model one ton. The paint looks new, and the tires and hub caps look fancy though there is road dirt halfway up the box. The men pile in, one sits in the rear of the cab.

SMILEY reaches under the seat and pulls out a half of vodka, and passes it to the men.

FRANCIS

Who Hoo good times.

SMILEY

Where is everyone? Thee’s no one out and about and it’s still early.

NORMAN

Drinks from the bottle.

It’s bingo night, everyone’s at the bingo in the Church.

SMILEY

Jeezus! Where are the girls? Do you want to do a little deer hunting, my way?

FRANCIS

What’s that then?

SMILEY

First, we need us an old truck with a canopy. We can boost one if there’s one parked up somewhere.

NORMAN

Then what?

SMILEY

I found a small cabin about 10 miles out when I came up here on the old bush road.

FRANCIS Then what?

SMILEY

We go get us a deer. The two-legged kind.

The men are silent while their intoxicated brains and confused expressions process the information.

FRANCIS

Do you mean you want to take a woman up there? We could ask around, and see who is interested.

SMILEY

That’s no fun. No, we are going hunting.

There are a few rules for this hunting expedition.

Rule number 1, I go first, got it!

Rule number 2 keep your mouths shut.

SMILEY takes a pistol from an underarm holster. The men’s eyes widen. Then he takes out a handful of bills and throws them over his shoulder to the back seat where NORMAN is sitting.

NORMAN

What did you say your name was?

SMILEY

I don’t know your name, and you don’t know my name. And now let’s go get us some deer meat!

EXT.DEEP FOREST BUSH ROAD/EVENING

An old canopied truck is parked on the bush road.

SMILEY FORD, FRANCIS SMITH, AND NORMAN SMITH are wearing ski masks.

Laughing and cursing they get out of the truck, then drag a girl (Willow Summer out of the back of the truck canopy.)

She is kicking, screaming, and yelling at them that her father and brothers will kill them. She begs them to let her go.

SMILEY

Get her over to the cabin as quickly as you can. Shut the fuck up or I’ll give you something to scream about.

You ‘r goin- a -be screaming pretty quick here anyways!

The men laugh and drag her, holding her by her hair to the broken-down cabin.

SMILEY

Fetches the gas can out of the truck.

We’ll be disposin’ of our evidence. No need to tell the cops what we’ve been doing a little sport eh, boys?

A murder of crows are making their loud noisy calls near the cabin.

NORMAN

The men note the HUGE BEAR claw marks

on the cabin door and laugh.

NORMAN

Looks like a big ol’ bear came a-visiting already!

The men tie WILLOW with ropes to various pieces of furniture.

SMILEY

Remember rule number 1 boys, I always go first! pass me the booze. You make yourselves comfortable and have some beers.

WILLOW

is screaming/cursing trying to pull herself free.

SMILEY

Picks up the gasoline can and pours gas on her legs and arms.

If you don’t want to be burned alive, shut the fuck up!

EXT. AERIAL VIEW OF CABIN AND FOREST/NIGHT

TERRIBLE SCREAMS from the cabin can be heard throughout the woods.

INT.CABIN/NIGHT

The men continued to drink throughout their evil assault, and eventually, pass out.

The girl is barely functioning she is traumatized, sobbing

She uses her last strength to undo the ropes, escapes, and takes off, screaming down the road in the truck.

EXT.CABIN/NIGHT

The crows outside of the cabin MORPH into GIANT GRIZZLY BEARS

The men are coming back to consciousness in the shack where they attacked the girl.

They are woken by a rank stench, and then the screams of SASQUATCH

NORMAN opens the door, runs, and is ripped to pieces, eaten alive by A LARGER THAN LIFE GRIZZLY BEAR bear (spirit animal)

FRANCIS wakes and notices the girl is gone, hears his brother screaming,

GRIZZLY BEAR NO 2 sticks his head in the cabin facing FRANCIS for ONE BEAT

FRANCIS is HYSTERICAL/SCREAMING

BEAR MAKES THE SOUNDS OF ATTACK: HUFFING LEAPS FORWARD ONTO SCREAMING FRANCIS and drags him outside

GRIZZLY BEAR NO 2 rips FRANCIS limb from limb.

SMILEY FORD Slithers along the wall of the cabin and then runs like hell through the bush.

MUSIC UP DREMEKA Choir Heavy Metal Britney Spears Song) TOXIC

REACTION SCREAMING/LIMBS FLYING/BLOOD AND GORE

GIANT GRIZZLY BEAR continues to maul and eats FRANCIS alive,

DISSOLVE TO

EXT.REZ.HELICOPTER LANDING AREA/DAY

HELICOPTER IS ALREADY LANDED, DUST WIND, BLADES SLOW AND STOP.

HELICOPTER SIGNAGE READS WILD BIL COPTERS

LILLY CARR exits the helicopter.

LILLY

Wow, that was some ride! It looks beautiful here.

BILL

This is one of the most notorious reserves in the whole of the God-forsaken bush. It’s very dangerous Lilly. If you need to get out fast, you can call me. You’ve got my satellite phone number. How long is your government project going for?

LILLY

Eight weeks. Then I am off to Cabo for sun, Pina Coladas, and swimming in a warm ocean.

BILL

I will be dropping off supplies here in about a week. How about I check in with you then and see how you are doing, make sure you are OK? What is it you are doing here anyhow?

LILLY

You never quite know how these projects are going to turn out, what I am supposed to do is help the local women sell their crafts in art stores down south.

BILL

Well, good luck see you in a week or so and don’t forget what I said if you need to get out of here fast call me.

LILLY

LILLY makes eye contact with Bill, and smiles, she likes him. Bill is easy on the eye.

Thanks, Bill I am sure everything will be just fine. And I’m really excited about having the Yukon experience. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to come this far north, see wildlife and you know, take part in First Nations ceremonies and the like.

FORBODING

Eerie music emphasizes aloneness

EXT.CABIN/DAY

LILLY is in her cabin and decides to leave her cabin and go for a walk on the game trail in the woods behind her cabin. SOUNDS of her breaking branches, the beginning of snow falling, SILENCE She is enjoying the walk, relaxed.

She finds a frog and talks to the frog, ASKING THE FROG

why he is not asleep yet?

She tells him she understands his SPECIAL SPIRITI ANIMAL MEANING which is to give her a message: she is to talk to many people.

She tells the frog she will take him to the water at the edge of the quarry in the woods. She wraps the frog in her scarf and carries him to the quarry deeper into the woods.

The light, which is already grey begins to fade. She leaves the frog and starts to retrace her steps. DISTANT SOUND OF WOLVES HOWLING

GROWING SENSE OF FORBODING

LILLY IS BEGINNING TO FEEL ANXIOUS, which shows on her face/ STRUGGLES TO MOVE THROUGH THE BUSH WHICH SEEMS TO BE ENTRAPPING HER//HEAVY BREATHING. BIRDS SQUAWKING IN THE BUSH

To CALM HERSELF SHE BEGINS TO TALK OUT LOUD admires and talks about the plants/berries/trees. Suddenly, she notices an engulfing rank smell, and wonders what it is dead wildlife?

She hears a BLOOD-CURDLING HOWL not a wolf/cougar.

She begins to get scared, panics, and tries to hurry back along the path, her feet getting stuck in branches

She stops suddenly, her breath gasping. In the distance at the end of the path part of a strange animal appears.

It is huge, a back view, something like a man, something like an ape, she doesn’t know what she is seeing, she is frozen with fear and lured with fascination. She takes a couple of steps toward the beast,

The BEAST instantly VANISHES. She walks and runs the rest of the way towards her cabin, as she reaches the door, she hears the blood-curdling sound again, MUCH LOUDER AND CLOSER terrified she turns to see SASQUATCH. She freezes and looks directly at him. He disappears. before her eyes.

LILLY calls one of her work contacts on the rez, GEORGE, an elder, and healer. She asks to see him.

LILLY takes the traditional tea as a gift to GEORGE She tells him what happened, he sits there in silence for a while, AS IS THE CUSTOM. He explains that SASQUATCH is a spirit animal. His visit can have two meanings.

It can mean she is in the right place at the right time, or it can be a warning. GEORGE tells her about the girl who was attacked and the remains of the two bodies found on a backroad.

She is VISIBLY HORRIFIED. LILLY declares the SASQUATCH was helping her, it was a warning to be careful and that she is indeed meant to be at the rez to help the women sell their crafts.

GEORGE

Again gives her a dire warning, telling her that there may be one of the men in the community and to be very careful. GEORGE walks her back home, and tells her to call him if she needs anything, lock her doors and use the bear window to check before leaving her cabin.

GEORGE goes home and calls his sponsor, he is very stressed and thinking about booze.

ACT 2

INT.COMMUNITY BUILDING/NIGHT

The band CHIEF FRANKY MANYSTREAMS

calls a meeting and talks about what has happened at the cabin, THE MAULED BODY PARTS on the bush road

and the appearance of SASQUATCH FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER in the Community. He tells the assembled band members that SASQUATCH is hunting them, co-operating with GRIZZLY BEARS

The Chief tells the community that they have to mend their ways. SASQUATCH may come back if they do not change.

Most of the residents at the community meeting are upset, talking amongst themselves, concerned frightened. BUT

some of the badass/rebellious people ridicule the Chief in front of the group.

JOHN, TIFFANY, BUDDY disrupt the meeting saying CHIEF FRANK MANYSTREAMS is too old and this stuff has no meaning for them.

They disperse from the meeting. The guys and the girl assemble at one of the trucks and pass around a pop bottle of homemade white lightning.

The group takes off in the truck. ITS PITCH BLACK DARK AND SNOWING

A larger-than-life COYOTE SHAPESHIFTER runs in front of the truck, stops, and looks directly at them.

The truck kills the COYOTE SHAPESHIFTER, the truck rolls over into the ditch. They all get out, drunk, dazed but alive. They walk over to the road to check on the coyote, he has disappeared, with no traces of blood. The girl says the COYOTE IS A SHAPESHIFTER and that’s why there is no blood. The men laugh and then agree to get the hell outta here.

They start staggering down the road as the truck is undrivable. THEY NOTICE An ENGULFING RANK SMELL, THEY FREEZE, The girl screams “SASQUATCH!”

SASQUATCH APPEARS AHEAD OF THEM, scares the hell out of them, They are SCREAMING, BEGGING. and SUDDENLY SASQUATCH DISAPPEARS Into a mist.

The group starts to run down the highway when out of the ditch a TWICE THE SIZE OF A REGULAR GRIZZLY BEAR raises its head.

the GROUP IS SCREAMING AND CRYING.

The GIANT GRIZZLY grabs a screaming BUDDY WEASELFOOT and takes him into the bush to eat him. LIMBS FLYING, HIGH PITCHED SCREAMS

A murder of CROWS is on the side of the road, the crows are talking.

The rest of the group runs STAGGERS screaming into the dark towards the village. It starts to snow. The CROWS land/flutter down on the road in front of the group and just disappear, with more screaming from the group.

INT.COMMUNITY BUILDING/NIGHT

Again the band Chief summons the residents and warns them again about their destructive ways. The Chief explains that SASQUATCH is intelligent, WORKING TOGETHER with other SPIRIT ANIMALS stalking, hunting them, and killing in retribution. CHIEF EXPLAINS THAT SASQUATCH knows what they have done. They hold a healing, cleansing ceremony.

At the ceremony, LILLY asks to speak. She tells the women she is here to help them sell their crafts so they have more independence and invites them to her group. In private she is becoming more and more scared for her own safety and is considering leaving.

The women come to the group, and as it is tradition hold a sweetgrass smoke cleansing ceremony to open the group meeting. They have brought some of their work with them. As they sit and begin to talk, they disclose why they want to be more independent. Most are suffering various kinds of abuse, as well as their children. The instructor asks them if they would like to make a movie, talking about their lives and their dreams. They agree.

That night the entire village hears the HOWL OF SASQUATCH.

Every household is terrified, and taking protected actions such as boarding doors, etc.,

Yvonne Brownwolf, from the group, is walking home along the edge of the woods. A full-grown bull Elk comes out of the bush

SHE RUNS TO HER TRUCK and gets her rifle off the back of the truck. She shoots the elk point-blank it doesn’t have any effect. The next morning the gored woman’s body is found in the middle of the village road near the grocery store.

EXT/VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

The village is in an emotional meltdown. A group of locals are standing and talking/crying.

EXT.VILLAGE/DAY

The Mounties or State Police, go door to door, reassure people, and give them safety information. It’s no use people are frantic.

EXT.POLICe STATION

MOUNTIES/STATE POLICE go out on snowmobiles to check the bush with the local trappers, accompanying them. No result.

EXT.CHIEFMANYSTREAMS CABIN/NIGHT

That night more Sasquatch howls. CHIEF FRANKY MANYSTREAMS is taking his garbage out of his cabin, he picks up some logs of wood from his stack and walks back to the cabin.

A GIANT GRIZZLY SPIRIT BEAR spontaneously appears outside the cabin.

The Chief drops the firewood and then talks to the bear in a calm voice.

“I am not for you tonight brother, you will not eat me, now go brother.”

GRIZZLY leaves, Chief says the traditional blessing and gratitude ” Matsicho”. Goes inside and experiences chest pains. Calls the nursing station for help.

It’s morning and still Yukon dark. Smiley Ford, (snake tattoo visible) the one who attacked the girl in the opening scene, is walking from the gas station with a gas can in hand. Without any warning, a COUGAR jumps down from a tree, behind Smiley, a MUCH larger than usual COUGAR.

The COUGAR SPIRIT ANIMAL walks around SMILEY snarling. Terrorizing him. SMILEY wets himself. The COUGAR jumps on him, rolling him on the ground while SMILEY screams, the GIANT COUGAR gets him face down and bites his neck. The man is still alive as the gas can spillS on the road, ALL AROUND HIM.

SMILEY has many terrible injuries, though he is still alive, moaning, trying to move/crawling. The GIANT COUGAR stands back as the gas suddenly spontaneously bursts into flames killing Smiley, burning him alive amid screams.

INT.COFFEE SHOP/DAY

A conversation between the local police and some of the residents reveals the woman killed had beaten her young daughter almost to death with a belt.

She had been convicted of attempted manslaughter and set free. They talk about the burned body of the white man with the SNAKE TATTOO and say they had him in sight as a suspect of the rape crime.

CONCLUSION

INT.COMMUNITY BUILDING/DAY

Chief holds a feast and healing ceremony and gives a speech about right conduct according to the ancestors. Chief talks about the conspiracy of silence which permeates village life after a crime has been committed and admonishes all to speak out. People in the village discuss the sounds of the SASQUATCH’S NIGHT TIME BLOOD CURDLING HOWLING has stopped.

CHIEF FRANKY MANYSTREAMS says they should build a LONG HOUSE to practice the traditional ways and pay respect to their ancestors and heal the community.

MONTAGE

INT.COMMUNITY BUILDING/NIGHT

POV INDIVIDUAL WOMEN’S WORK.

A group of women doing their handicrafts and TALKING INTO A CAMERA TELLING THE STORIES OF THEIR LIVES

FINAL SHOT

A VIEW OF THE VILLAGE IN YUKON GREY WHICH IS HALF-LIGHT, SNOW FALLING SASQUATCH HOWLING IN THE DISTANCE.

MUSIC UP HEARTBEAT DRUMMING ONLY

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Death Track Day 5

What I learned from this exercise; this methodology is very gratifying. It helped me a great deal with developing the story web.

THE LONG DARK screenplay by Anna Harper

1. LIST OF CHARACTERS WITH THEIR HOW AND WHY.

Character Death 1

Criminal 1 Francis Smith

WHY a moral settling of accounts with spirit animals SASQUATCH AND GRIZZLY BEAR

HOW The men are coming back to consciousness in the shack where they attacked the girl. They are woken by a rank stench, and then the screams of SASQUATCH He opens the door to run and is ripped to pieces, eaten alive by A LARGER THAN LIFE GRIZZLY BEAR bear (spirit animal)

Character Death 2

Criminal 2 Norman Smith

WHY a moral settling of accounts with a spirit animal

HOW They are woken by a rank stench, and then the screams of SASQUATCH

SPIRIT BEAR No. 2 reaches in the door, drags him out, and is ripped to pieces, eaten alive by the larger-than-life, GRIZZLY BEAR (spirit animal)

Character Death 3

A passenger in the truck John Wolverine

WHY: the group ridiculed the Chief’s warning.

HOW: multiple spirit animal attacks. SASQUATCH appears to terrify them, an omen of what’s to come next.

A GIANT GRIZZLY BEAR SPIRIT ANIMAL comes up out of the ditch, mauls John and rips him to pieces, and then disappears/morphs into a cloud of talking CROWS

Character death 4

A nursing station orderly Horton Smalleyes

WHY a wife and child beater

HOW Stalked along the road from the nursing station to the village by SASQUATCH

Tries to run through the bush, gets caught in a trap line. Ripped to shreds by the GIANT GRIZZLY BEAR SPIRIT ANIMAL

Character death 5

Yvonne Brownwolf

WHY a child beater

HOW SASQUATCH appears to freak her out on the way home from the meeting, then disappears.

A full-grown bull Elk confronts her on the road, gores her to death, and then drags the body to the road in front of the town grocery store.

Character death 6

Smiley Ford

WHY Perpetrator of torture and rape of a girl in the opening scene.

HOW Attacked by a cougar and burned alive.

MUSIC UP Traditional drumming and singing

PART 2 OF THE ASSIGNMENT

ACT 1

Aerial view of the remoted Yukon bushland. ISOLATED

Loud sounds of wolves howling EERIE

An old canopied truck is parked on the bush road.

Several intoxicated men wearing masks, one of them is a white man,

Several men drag a girl from the truck.

The men are all wearing ski masks. The arms of one man are visible, he is a white man. He appears to be the major instigator (HAS A SNAKE TATTOO ON HIS ARM)

They drag the girl screaming and kicking, out of the truck towards a broken-down cabin.

A murder of crows are making their loud noisy calls near the cabin

The men note the HUGE BEAR claw marks

on the cabin door and laugh.

SHE IS TIED WITH ROPES She is tied with ropes to various pieces of furniture.

They brutally rape her and pour gasoline over her threatening to burn her alive.

TERRIBLE SCREAMS from the cabin can be heard throughout the woods.

The men continue to drink throughout their evil assault, and eventually, pass out.

The girl is barely functioning she is traumatized, sobbing

She uses her last strength to undo the ropes, escapes, and takes off in the truck.

The crows outside of the cabin MORPH into GIANT GRIZZLY BEARS

The men are coming back to consciousness in the shack where they attacked the girl. They are woken by a rank stench, and then the screams of SASQUATCH He opens the door to run and is ripped to pieces, eaten alive by A LARGER THAN LIFE GRIZZLY BEAR bear (spirit animal)

One of the men wakes and notices the girl is gone, he opens the door to be ripped out of the cabin by his arm.

MUSIC UP DREMEKA Choir (SCARE The AGT Judges With Heavy Metal Britney Spears Song) TOXIC

REACTION SCREAMING/LIMBS FLYING/BLOOD AND GORE The bear continues to maul and eat him alive,

GIANT GRIZZLY SPIRIT BEAR No 2 sticks his head in the cabin facing one of the other men for

ONE BEAT t

The man is HYSTERICAL/SCREAMING

BEAR MAKES THE SOUNDS OF ATTACK: HUFFING LEAPS FORWARD ONTO THE SCREAMING MAN and drags him outside

screaming as he is ripped limb from limb.

SMILEY FORD slides out of the cabin and runs like hell for the bush.

INCITING INCIDENT

An outsider arrives by helicopter at the rez.(RESERVATION/HAMLET) She is an art instructor, here to help indigenous women sell their crafts.

The pilot, an attractive man likes and warns her she is about to land in one of the most notorious bush communities. He offers to take her back if she changes her mind

DENIAL She declines saying she is looking forward to the assignment and having the Yukon bush experience. After all, there are always a few bad apples, everywhere.

FORBODING

Eerie music emphasizes aloneness

The art instructor is in her cabin and decides to go for a walk on the game trail in the woods behind her cabin. SOUNDS of her breaking branches, the beginning of snow falling, SILENCE She is enjoying the walk, relaxed.

She finds a frog and talks to the frog, ASKING THE FROG

why he is not asleep yet?

She tells him she understands his SPECIAL SPIRITI ANIMAL MEANING which is to give her a message: she is to talk to many people.

She tells the frog she will take him to the water at the edge of the quarry in the woods. She wraps the frog in her scarf and carries him to the quarry deeper into the woods.

The light, which is already grey begins to fade. She leaves the frog and starts to retrace her steps. DISTANT SOUND OF WOLVES HOWLING

GROWING SENSE OF FORBODING

ART INSTRUCTOR IS BEGINNING TO FEEL ANXIOUS, which shows on her face/ STRUGGLES TO MOVE THROUGH THE BUSH WHICH SEEMS TO BE ENTRAPPING HER//HEAVY BREATHING. BIRDS SQUAWKING IN THE BUSH

To CALM HERSELF SHE BEGINS TO TALK OUT LOUD admires and talks about the plants/berries/trees. Suddenly, she notices an engulfing rank smell, and wonders what it is dead wildlife?

She hears a BLOOD-CURDLING HOWL not a wolf/cougar.

She begins to get scared, panics, and tries to hurry back along the path, her feet getting stuck in branches

.

She stops suddenly, her breath gasping. In the distance at the end of the path part of a strange animal appears.

It is huge a back view, something like a man, something like an ape, she doesn’t know what she is seeing, she is frozen with fear and lured with fascination. She takes a couple of steps toward the beast,

The BEAST instantly VANISHES. She walks and runs the rest of the way towards her cabin, as she reaches the door, she hears the blood-curdling sound again, MUCH LOUDER AND CLOSER terrified she turns to see SASQUATCH. She freezes and looks directly at him. He disappears. before her eyes.

The art instructor calls one of her work contacts on the rez, it’s George, an elder, and healer. She asks to see him.

The art instructor takes the traditional tea as a gift to George. She tells him what happened, he sits there in silence for a while. He explains that SASQUATCH is a spirit animal. His visit can have two meanings.

It can mean she is in the right place at the right time, or it can be a warning. George tells her about the girl who was attacked. That there may be one of the men in the community and to be very careful.

She is VISIBLY HORRIFIED. The art instructor declares the SASQUATCH was helping her,, it was a warning to be careful and that she is indeed meant to be at the rez to help the locals..

ACT 2

HORROR SITUATION THE WHOLE COMMUNITY IS THREATENED

The band chief calls a meeting and talks about what has happened at the cabin and the appearance of the SASQUATCH The Chief tells the community that they have to mend their ways.

Most of the residents are upset, concerned frightened. BUT

Some of the badass people ridicule the Chief saying he is too old and this stuff has no meaning for them.

They disperse from the meeting, some of the guys and a girl assemble at one of the trucks and pass around a pop bottle of homemade white lightning.

The group takes off in the truck. ITS PITCH BLACK DARK AND SNOWING

A larger-than-life COYOTE SHAPESHIFTER runs in front of the truck, stops, and looks directly at them.

The truck kills the COYOTE SHAPESHIFTER and rolls over into the ditch. They all get out, drunk, dazed but alive. They walk over to the road to check on the coyote, he has disappeared, with no traces of blood. The girl says the COYOTE IS A SHAPESHIFTER and that’s why there is no blood. The men laugh and then agree to get the hell outta here.

They start staggering down the road as the truck is undrivable. THEY NOTICE An ENGULFING RANK SMELL, THEY FREEZE, The girl screams “SASQUATCH!”

SASQUATCH APPEARS AHEAD OF THEM, scares the hell out of them, They are SCREAMING, BEGGING. and SUDDENLY SASQUATCH DISAPPEARS Into a mist.

The group starts to run down the highway when out of the ditch a TWICE THE SIZE OF A REGULAR GRIZZLY BEAR raises its head.

the GROUP IS SCREAMING AND CRYING.

The GIANT GRIZZLY grabs one of the screaming men and takes him into the bush to eat him. LIMBS FLYING, HIGH PITCHED SCREAMS

A murder of CROWS are on the side of the road are talking.

REACTION The rest of the group runs STAGGERS screaming into the dark towards the village. It starts to snow.. The CROWS land/flutter down on the road in front of the groups and just disappear, with more screaming from the group.

SITUATION

One by one several bands (reservation) people who have committed terrible crimes are targeted by SASQUATCHand the GRIZZLY BEARS

A nursing station orderly Horton Smalleyes

WHY a wife and child beater

HOW Stalked along the road from the nursing station to the village by SASQUATCH

Tries to run through the bush, gets caught in a trap line. Ripped to shreds by the GIANT GRIZZLY BEAR SPIRIT ANIMAL

Character death 5

Yvonne Brownwolf

WHY a child beater

HOW SASQUATCH appears to freak her out on the way home from the meeting, then disappears.

A full-grown bull Elk confronts her on the road, gores her to death, and then drags the body to the road in front of the town grocery store.

The whole town, many of whom are drinking, gambling beating their wives and children, feel collective terror as to who is next.

Again the band Chief summons the residents and warns them again about their destructive ways. The Chief explains that SASQUATCH is intelligent, WORKING TOGETHER with other SPIRIT ANIMALS stalking, hunting them, and killing in retribution. CHIEF EXPLAINS THAT SASQUATCH knows what they have done. They hold a healing, cleansing ceremony.

At the ceremony, the art instructor asks to speak. She tells the women she is here to help them sell their crafts so they have more independence and invites them to her group. In private she is becoming more and more scared for her own safety and is considering leaving.

The women come to the group, and as it is tradition hold a sweetgrass smoke cleansing ceremony to open the group meeting. They have brought some of their work with them. As they sit and begin to talk, they disclose why they want to be more independent. Most are suffering various kinds of abuse, as well as their children. The instructor asks them if they would like to make a movie, talking about their lives and their dreams. They agree.

That night the entire village hears the HOWL OF SASQUATCH.

Every household is terrified, and taking protected actions such as boarding doors, etc.,

Yvonne Brownwolf, from the group, is walking home along the edge of the woods. A full-grown bull Elk comes out of the bush

SHE RUNS TO HER TRUCK and gets her rifle off the back of the truck. She shoots the elk point-blank it doesn’t have any effect. The next morning the gored woman’s body is found in the middle of the village road near the grocery store.

HORROR SITUATION COMMUNITY HYSTERIA

The village is in an emotional meltdown. The Mounties or State Police, try going door to door. They go out on snowmobiles to check the bush as do the local trappers. No result.

FORBODING

That night more Sasquatch howls. The band chief is taking his garbage out of his cabin, he picks up some logs of wood from his stack and walks back to the cabin.

HORROR SITUATION The GIANT grizzly appears.

REACTION

The Chief talks to the bear in a calm voice.

‘I am not for you tonight brother, you will not eat me, now go brother.’

Grizzly leaves, Chief says the traditional blessing and gratitude ” Matsicho”. Goes inside and experiences chest pains. Calls the nursing station for help.

It’s morning and still Yukon dark. Smiley Ford, (snake tattoo visible) the one who attacked the girl in the opening scene, is walking from the gas station with a gas can in hand. Without any warning, a COUGAR jumps down from a tree, behind Smiley, a MUCH larger than usual cougar.

The cougar walks around the man snarling. Terrorizing him. He jumps on him, rolling him on the ground while Smiley screams, the GIANT COUGAR gets him face down and bites his neck. The man is still alive as the gas can spillS on the road, ALL AROUND HIM. SMILEY has many terrible injuries. The GIANT COUGAR stands back as the gas suddenly spontaneously bursts into flames killing Smiley./ burning him alive amid screams.

RESOLUTION

A conversation between the local police and the art instructor reveals the woman killed had beaten her young daughter almost to death with a belt. She had been convicted of attempted manslaughter and set free. They talk about the burned body of the white man and say they had him in sight as a suspect of the rape crime.

CONCLUSION

People in the village discuss the sounds of the SASQUATCH’S NIGHT BLOOD CURDLING HOWLING has stopped.

Chief holds a feast and healing ceremony and gives a speech about right conduct according to the ancestors. Chief talks about the conspiracy of silence which permeates village life after a crime has been committed and admonishes all to speak out.

MONTAGE

POV INDIVIDUAL WOMEN’S WORK.

A group of women doing their handicrafts and TALKING INTO A CAMERA TELLING THE STORIES OF THEIR LIVES

FINAL SHOT

A VIEW OF THE VILLAGE IN YUKON GREY IS HALF-LIGHT, SNOW FALLING SASQUATCH HOWLING IN THE DISTANCE.

MUSIC UP HEARTBEAT DRUMMING ONLY

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

DAY 7 3rd/4th version

first 10 pages

PIRATE (Episode 2 of 3 from the SILENT NIGHT SERIES)

BACKGROUND

CHARACTERS

LOCATION IS THE VILLAGE OF FRESHWATER and the town of YARMOUTH Isle of Wight UK.

SOPHIE

is an out-of-work actress, 60ish. She sells herbs and bakes cakes to bring in some money. Her style is BOHO. She volunteers in the arts community. She has lived with her live-in lover SANDY for the last ten years. SOPHIE is depressed, she believe she is washed up, and has no purpose in life.

She is thinking of leaving SANDY.

SANDY

IIs a retired school board official and former headmaster. He is very conservative, likes card games, watches boring soaps like Coronation Street, meat and potatoes food, and is no longer interested in sex. He wears black socks with his sandals.

JAMES

was a dear friend of SOPHIE’S and to a lesser extent SANDY. He was ex ARMY INTEL, came from a wealthy family, went to public school. He loved taking his dog PIRATE to the beach, and often SOPHIE would accompany them. SANDY would not let SOPHIE have a dog. JAMES had a passion for helping street youth. JAMES keeled over in the pub with a heart attack a short while ago and sadly died.

VICTOR FRANCIS

Is a lawyer and friend of JAME’S. Both JAMES and VICTOR have been concerned about SOPHIE and her miserable existence with SANDY.

PIRATE

Is a Landseer (black and white) NEWFOUNDLAND dog with superpowers? PIRATE is the littermate of ALFIE from the pilot episode SILENT NIGHT. PIRATES OTHER LITTERMATEis COCOA who will appear in the third episode

PIRATE’s unique powers are that he is a HEALER. JAMES knew about PIRATE’S superpowers and kept it quiet. No one else knows, EXCEPT

his littermate ALFIE. Alfie can communicate TELEPATHICALLY.

ESTABLISHING/SHOPPING AREA/YARMOUTH U.K./DAY

SOPHIE
It’s a hot spring day Sophie is walking into town. She is
carrying shopping baskets full of baking and herbs for
delivery.

Sophie walks past the most upscale coffee shop in
town (WELL DRESSED PATRONS CAN be SEEN IN THE WINDOW) She
turns down a cobbled side street.

Her attention is drawn to look at something MYSTERIOUS

There is a pile of what looks
like moving garbage bags. She stops and looks closer. TO HER
HORROR, it’s an almost unconscious teenage boy. lying on a
couple of garbage bags fluttering in the breeze.

SOPHIE
Hey my friend, are you alright? I’m Sophie. What’s your name?

BOY
Lifts head, barely
Bill,
Grunts coughs
Bill.

SOPHIE

Sophie’s eyes widen as she sees the red welt of flea bites
covering his skinny arms.
FRANTICALLY

Do you want water, I have some here?

BILL
Bill slumps back over.

SOPHIE
Are you alright, Bill, Bill, Oh my God! SCREAMS Help, help,
anybody help?

MAN

Stops walking, looks at Bill and takes his cell phone out,
and calls an ambulance.

SOPHIE
Throws down her bags and rolls Bill onto his back. She
FRANTICALLY checks his pulse and his breathing, he is not
breathing.

SOPHIE

SHOUTS
Shit, he’s not breathing! Bill, Bill for God’s sake, Bill!
Come on!
Come back!

She starts VIGOROUS CPR. SOPHIE SINGS The BeeGees ‘Staying
Alive’ to keep pace with FRANTIC compressions, muttering
intermittently. Come on Bill, don’t die on me!

A crowd is forming. Nosy Lookey Loos, no one offers help.

WELL DRESSED WOMAN
SHOUTS
FILTHY drug addicts put them in prison.
SIRENS BLARING in the background after what seems an age.

MEDICS jump out and start to work on Bill, taking over the
CPR.
One of the medics starts filling a syringe with Naxolene. The
other medic is hooking up the AED.

MEDIC 1
STAND BACK, HANDS-OFF!

TWO JUMPS of the AED NOTHING The Noxelene is injected. The
medics try again, more CPR, and then one more jump start with
the AED. Nothing

MEDIC 1
I am sorry, he’s gone. From the stuff in his bag, looks like
a Fentanyl O.D.
That’s the third one this week.

MEDIC 2
From his wallet, looks like Bill was 17.
Gets the gurney, and the medics load him on and cover the
body with a sheet. Slams the ambulance doors.

SOPHIE
Sophie is standing there in SHOCK AND DISBELIEF She watches
the ambulance leave. She walks over to the church wall, sits
down, weeps, pulls out her cell phone, and calls SANDY.

SOPHIE
Struggling to talk. Choking on her tears.
Sandy, come and get me please, I am St.Agness outside on the church
wall.

SANDY
IRRITABLE
Can’t it wait? I’ve still got another 20 minutes of
Coronation Street!

THREE MONTHS LATER

INT. GENERIC LAWYERS OFFICE/DAY

An older grey-haired distinguished man wearing a three-piece
banker’s suit is seated at an old ginormous desk. The room is
wood-paneled, there is a picture of the Queen. The gold
lettering on the door reads Victor Francis Esq. LLM QC
Professional Corp.

SOPHIE pushes the door open. SANDY is not far behind.

VICTOR

Stands to greet them, and hobbles hanging onto a crutch. Shakes
hands.

Come on in, get comfortable. This is
not going to take long.

James, God rest him, was most thorough with
instructions and has left you an
instructional manual with great
detail.

So let’s get on with the reading of
his will, which is my privilege as
both his lawyer and his friend of many
years.
Would you like a Scotch Sandy, Sophie?
It’s almost noon.

SANDY
Thanks, I’ll take one.

SOPHIE

I would just like some cold ginger ale
please, very cold.

VICTOR

I am supposed to be staying away from
this stuff, especially after the
amputation. I look like a pirate in a
suit. This brings me to the big
announcement of the day. Look under
the desk.

Sophie and Sandy peer under the desk.

SOPHIE

Oh my God, it’s PIRATE! I wondered
what happened to him, thought he had
gone to relatives somewhere. Come here
you big beautiful lug, give me a kiss.

SANDY

Watch the dog hair on my trousers!
I just got them back from the cleaners
for God’s sake! Really, James was
off his rocker having a dog this size.
Couldn’t imagine why James would want
one.

VICTOR

He may be the size of a small horse,
but I am telling you this dog is
magic! Had a bloody awful day in court
yesterday, came back to the office
with a headache and my blood pressure
up, phantom leg pains in my amputated
leg, I felt absolutely crap.

This dog
had me laughing and calm in minutes,
and all the pain went away.

SOPHIE
Continues to stroke Pirate and talk to him.

VICTOR
I’m glad you love him Sophie because a
a great deal of the will, if not all of
it centers around Pirate.

SANDY
Oh no! What is it that James wanted
from us?

VICTOR

Let me read you the will.
I, James Farquar Alison, being of
sound mind, bequeath the following to
either both or individually Sandy
Horton and Sophie Bloom the love,
custody, and care of Pirate.

SANDY
Oh my God, no thanks!

VICTOR

You are officially declining then? I shall record it as such, and am making a note, Initials here please Sandy, and date it. I’ll just witness and then you are all done, Sandy. NoW for SOPHIE

SOPHIE
Shut up Sandy and listen.

VICTOR

This furthers what JAMES had to say.

“In addition, the farm is now yours for
as long as you wish providing that
Pirate is in your care at the farm.

Pirate loves the farm it is his home.
And it’s big enough for him and close
to his favorite beach. As you know he
needs his swim daily whatever the
weather. All the details for his care
are in the manual.

SANDY
I don’t want to leave my house of many
years to go and live in some oversized
farmhouse that needs work. Or take
care of his bloody livestock.

Really James, what were you thinking of? I’ve
already got drool on my shoes!

VICTOR

That’s fine SANDY, you have no further concerns now you have signed a refusal.

There’s more from James.

Additionally, I am
leaving you 80,000 pounds per annum to
the person or persons who fulfill
Pirates’ needs as stipulated. Victor
has a slush fund for renovations on
the farmhouse and he has been
instructed to be generous.

SOPHIE

I can’t believe that James would think
it is necessary to pay for Pirate.

SANDY

I don’t bloody care, I have my school
board pension and I own my own house
thank you. I’m alright just the way
things are thank you very much!

VICTOR

This covers the portion of the will
relative to Pirate.
There’s more. James says,

“As you know
I have been passionate about my work
with homeless street youth and there
are instructions for continuing my
work, which will be your work, should
you wish to take it on, there is an
additional 80,000 pounds per year, for
each of you should you wish to
undertake the work.”

SANDY

No, I don’t want to take on any work.
I had enough of gobby snotty teenagers
all through my career. All I want is
peace at my age.

SOPHIE

Is all the information including the
street youth project in the binder? If
so how about we take Pirate home and
give me a couple of days to go through
the binder. I want to make sure I can
you the best for Pirate, the youth
project, and honour Jame’s intentions.
We will give you a call either way.

Personally, I am keen on the idea, it
sounds marvelous. A new adventure.

SANDY

You are off your rocker Sophie! You
can forget it I will not change my

SOPHIE

And you can have all the peace you want, rather like being dead, I should think!

[anna harper]

DAY 5 POST 5 Anna’s Horror Track

The Long Dark by Anna Harper

based on some true events

What I learned from this assignment; It was a stretch, however, sticking to the directions, it worked out.

I also learned something else, more philosophical. What is my story? The story or the act of storytelling is the story of all humans,

The story is the story. Making meaning, binding us together. The unknowable, the exotic, becomes personally experienced if the story is good. Maybe it is my job to be useful through storytelling.

1. Atmosphere of Evil established.

Aerial view of the remote Yukon bushland. ISOLATED

Sounds of wolves howling EERIE

An old canopied truck is parked on the bush road.

Several intoxicated men wearing masks, one of them is a white man.

HORROR SITUATION/MEN ARE THE MONSTERS

Several men drag a girl from the truck.

HORROR SITUATION ALONE/IMPRISONED/REMOTE

The men are all wearing ski masks. The arms of one man are visible, he is THE white man. He appears to be the major instigator (HAS A SNAKE TATTOO ON HIS ARM)

They drag the girl to a cabin.

REACTION screaming and kicking, out of the truck towards a broken-down cabin.

HORROR SITUATION/ ATTACKED/FORCED INTO A DANGEROUS ENVIRONMENT/NO ESCAPE

A murder of crows are making their loud noisy calls near the cabin

SYMBOL/SHAPESHIFTER/WARNING

HORROR SITUATION

The men note the HUGE BEAR claw marks

on the cabin door and laugh.

REACTION /DENIAL OF THE TERRIBLE DANGER IN THE ENVIRONMENT

HORROR SITUATION

SHE IS TIED WITH ROPES to various pieces of furniture.

They brutally rape her and pour gasoline over her threatening to burn her alive.

HORROR SITUATION/PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY TORTURED

REACTION Screaming from the cabin can be heard throughout the woods.

ESCAPE They continue to drink throughout their evil assault, and eventually, pass out.

REACTION The girl is barely functioning she is traumatized, sobbing

She uses her last strength to undo the ropes, escapes, and takes off in the truck.

The crows outside of the cabin MORPH into grizzly bears.

HORROR SITUATION/ MONSTER ABOUT TO GET YOU

One of the men wakes and notices the girl is gone, he opens the door THE GRIZZLY BEAR rips the man out of the cabin by his arm.

REACTION SCREAMING/LIMBS FLYING/BLOOD AND GORE

The bear continues to maul and eat him alive,

HORROR SITUATION another bear sticks his head in the cabin facing one of the other men for

ONE BEAT

REACTION

the man is HYSTERICAL/SCREAMING

BEAR MAKES THE SOUNDS OF ATTACK: HUFFING AND THEN LEAPS FORWARD ONTO THE SCREAMING MAN and drags him outside

screaming as he is ripped limb from limb.

ESCAPE The white man slides out of the cabin and runs like hell for the bush.

INCITING INCIDENT

An outsider arrives by small plane at the rez. (RESERVATION/HAMLET) She is an art instructor, here to help indigenous women sell their crafts.

The pilot, an attractive man likes her and warns her she is about to land in one of the most notorious bush communities. He offers to take her back if she changes her mind

DENIAL She declines saying she is looking forward to the assignment and having the Yukon bush experience. After all, there are always a few bad apples, everywhere.

FORBODING

Eerie music emphasizes aloneness

The art instructor is in her cabin and decides to go for a walk on the game trail in the woods behind her cabin. SOUNDS of her breaking branches, the beginning of snow falling, SILENCE She is enjoying the walk, relaxed.

She finds a frog and talks to the frog, ASKING THE FROG

why he is not asleep yet?

She tells him she understands his SPECIAL SPIRIT ANIMAL MEANING which is to give her a message: she is to talk to many people.

She tells the frog she will take him to the water at the edge of the quarry in the woods. She wraps the frog in her scarf and carries him to the quarry deeper into the woods. The light, which is already grey begins to fade. She leaves the frog and starts to retrace her steps. DISTANT SOUND OF WOLVES HOWLING

HORROR SITUATION GROWING SENSE OF FORBODING

ART INSTRUCTOR IS BEGINNING TO FEEL ANXIOUS, which shows on her face/ STRUGGLES TO MOVE THROUGH THE BUSH WHICH SEEMS TO BE ENTRAPPING HER//HEAVY BREATHING. BIRDS SQUAWKING IN THE BUSH

To CALM HERSELF SHE BEGINS TO TALK OUT LOUD admires and talks about the plants/berries/trees. Suddenly, she notices an engulfing rank smell, and wonders what it is, dead wildlife?

HORROR SITUATION

She hears a BLOOD CURDELING HOWL not a wolf/cougar.

REACTION PANIC She begins to get scared and tries to hurry back along the path, feet getting stuck in branches

.

She stops suddenly, her breath gasping. In the distance at the end of the path part of a STRANGE ANIMAL, HUMANOID CREATURE appears.

It is huge, a back view, something like a man, something like an ape, she doesn’t know what she is seeing, she is frozen with fear and lured with fascination. She takes a couple of slow steps toward the beast,

HORROR SITUATION tHE MONSTER MANIFESTS

The BEAST instantly VANISHES. She walks and runs the rest of the way towards her cabin, as she reaches the door, she hears the blood-curdling sound again, MUCH LOUDER AND CLOSER terrified she turns to see SASQUATCH. She freezes and looks directly at him. He disappears. before her eyes.

THE NATURE OF THE BEAST

The art instructor calls one of her work contacts on the rez, it’s George, an elder, and healer. She asks to see him.

The art instructor takes the traditional tea as a gift to George. She tells him what happened, he sits there in silence for a while. He explains that SASQUATCH is a spirit animal. His visit can have two meanings.

HORROR SITUATION MONSTER/SPIRIT ANIMAL AND UNRESOLVED CRIME

It can mean she is in the right place at the right time, or it can be a warning. George tells her about the girl who was attacked. That there may be one of the men in the community and to be very careful.

REACTION She is VISIBLY HORRIFIED. The art instructor declares the SASQUATCH was helping her,, it was a warning to be careful and that she is indeed meant to be at the rez to help the locals.

ACT 2

HORROR SITUATION THE WHOLE COMMUNITY IS THREATENED

The band chief calls a meeting and talks about what has happened at the cabin and the appearance of the SASQUATCH The Chief tells the community that they have to mend their ways.

REACTION Most of the residents are upset, concerned frightened. BUT

DENIAL

Some of the badass people ridicule the Chief saying he is too old and this stuff has no meaning for them.

They disperse from the meeting, some of the guys and a girl assemble at one of the trucks and pass around a pop bottle of homemade white lightning.

The group takes off in the truck. ITS PITCH BLACK DARK AND SNOWING

A larger-than-life COYOTE runs in front of the truck, stops, and looks directly at them as the truck screams along and crashes into the coyote.

HORROR SITUATION TRUCK CRASH IN A REMOTE AREA APPEARANCE OF A SPIRIT ANIMAL COYOTE A SHAPESHIFTER

The truck kills the coyote. The truck rolls over into the ditch. They all get out, drunk, dazed but alive. They walk over to the road to check on the coyote, he has disappeared, with no traces of blood. The girl says the COYOTE IS A SHAPESHIFTER and that’s why there is no blood.

REACTION DENIAL The men laugh and then agree to get the hell outta here.

They start staggering down the road as the truck is undrivable. THEY NOTICE An ENGULFING RANK SMELL, THEY FREEZE, The girl screams “SASQUATCH!”

SASQUATCH APPEARS AHEAD OF THEM, scares the hell out of them, They are SCREAMING, BEGGING. and SUDDENLY SASQUATCH DISAPPEARS Into a mist.

The group starts to run down the highway when out of the ditch a TWICE THE SIZE OF A REGULAR GRIZZLY BEAR raises its head.

the GROUP IS SCREAMING AND CRYING.

The GIANT GRIZZLY grabs one of the screaming men and takes him into the bush to eat him. lIBS FLYING, HIGH PITCHED SCREAMS

A murder of crows are on the side of the road are talking.

REACTION The rest of the group runs /STAGGERS screaming into the dark towards the village. It starts to snow. The CROWS land/flutter down on the road in front of the groups and just disappear, with more screaming from the group.

FULL-OUT TERROR THE POINT OF NO RETURN

HORROR SITUATION

One by one several of the bands (reservation) people who have committed terrible crimes are HUNTED by Sasquatch and the grizzly bears.

REACTION S

The whole town, many of whom are drinking, gambling beating their wives and children, feel collective terror as to who is next.

Again the band Chief summons the residents and warns them again about their destructive ways. They hold a healing, cleansing ceremony.

At the ceremony, the art instructor asks to speak. She tells the women she is here to help them sell their crafts so they have more independence and invites them to her group. In private she is becoming more and more scared for her own safety and is considering leaving.

REACTION FUNCTIONAL MOVING TOWARD PROBLEM-SOLVING

The women come to the group, and as it is tradition hold a sweetgrass smoke cleansing ceremony to open the group meeting. They have brought some of their work with them. As they sit and begin to talk, they disclose why they want to be more independent. Most are suffering various kinds of abuse, as well as their children. The instructor asks them if they would like to make a movie, talking about their lives and their dreams. They agree.

HORROR SITUATION

That night the entire village hears the howls of Sasquatch.

REACTION Every household is TERRIFIED and taking protective actions such as boarding doors/windows

HORROR SITUATION

One of the women from the art group is walking home along the edge of the woods. A bull Elk with a gigantic RACK comes out of the bush

REACTION ATTEMPTS ESCAPE

SHE RUNS TO HER TRUCK and gets her rifle off the back of the truck. She shoots the elk point-blank it doesn’t have any effect. The next morning the gored woman’s body is found in the middle of the village road near the grocery store.

HORROR SITUATION COMMUNITY HYSTERIA

The village is in an emotional meltdown. The Mounties or State Police, try going door to door. They go out on snowmobiles to check the bush as do the local trappers. No result.

FORBODING

That night more Sasquatch howls. The band chief is taking his garbage out back of his cabin, he picks up some logs of wood from his stack and walks back to the cabin.

HORROR SITUATION The GIANT grizzly appears.

REACTION

The Chief talks to the bear in a calm voice.

‘I am not for you tonight brother, you will not eat me, now go brother.’

Grizzly leaves, Chief says the traditional blessing and gratitude ” Matsicho”. Goes inside and experiences chest pains. Calls the nursing station for help.

HORROR SITUATION

It’s morning and still Yukon dark. A white man, the one who attacked the girl in the opening scene, is walking from the gas station with a gas can in hand. his tattoo is visible. Without any warning, a COUGAR appears in front of him, a MUCH larger than usual cougar.

REACTION

The cougar walks around the man snarling. Terrorizing him. He jumps on him, rolling him on the ground while snake tattoo man screams, gets him face down, and bites his neck. The man is still alive as the gas can spills on the road, ALL AROUND HIM, he has many terrible injuries. The cougar stands back as the gas suddenly spontaneously bursts into flames killing the man./ burning him alive amid screams.

RESOLUTION

A conversation between the local police and the art instructor reveals the woman killed had beaten her young daughter almost to death with a belt. She had been convicted of attempted manslaughter and set free.

They talk about the burned body of the white man and say they had him in sight as a suspect of the rape crime.

People in the village discuss the sounds of the Sasquatch nightly howling has stopped.

Chief holds a feast and healing ceremony and gives a speech about right conduct according to the ancestors. Chief talks about the conspiracy of silence which permeates village life after a crime has been committed and admonishes all to speak out.

CONCLUSION

SHOT

A group of women doing their handicrafts and talking into a camera about their lives.

FINAL SHOT

A VIEW OF THE VILLAGE IN YUKON GREY IS HALF-LIGHT, SNOW FALLING SASQUATCH HOWLING IN THE DISTANCE.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Hello Anna Harper Here looking to partner up for Third Draft Assignment Thanks

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Horror Plot Based on some true events

What I learned from this assignment; this assignment made a huge task reasonable and possible, it was gratifying.

THE LONG DARK written by Anna Harper

Set up for Atmosphere of Evil

Aerial view of the remote Yukon forests and lakes.

Sounds of wolves howling

An old canopied truck is parked on the bush road.

Several intoxicated men wearing masks, one of them is a white man, who appears to be the major instigator. drag a girl out of the truck towards a broken-down cabin. A murder (group) of crows are making their loud noisy calls near the cabin

CONNECT WITH CHARACTERS

The men note the huge bear claw marks on the cabin door and laugh.

They brutally rape her and pour gasoline over her. They have continued to drink throughout their evil assault, and eventually, pass out. The girl escapes and takes off in the truck.

The crows morph into grizzly bears.

They enter the cabin and drag the men out screaming as they are ripped limb from limb and eat them alive. The bears leave remnants of corpses on the road.

CHARACTERS ARE WARNED NOT TO DO IT

An outsider arrives by small plane to the rez. (BAND/VILLAGE) She is an art instructor, here to help indigenous women sell their crafts.

The pilot, an attractive man likes her and warns her she is about to land in one of the most notorious bush communities. He offers to take her back if she changes her mind. She declines saying she is looking forward to the assignment and having the Yukon bush experience. After all, there are always a few bad apples, everywhere.

The art instructor is in her cabin and decides to go for a walk on the game trail in the woods behind her cabin. She finds a frog and talks to the frog telling him she understands his meaning, talking to many people. She scoops up the frog to take him to water in a quarry on the edge of the woods. She admires and talks about the plants V.O. as she walks with the frog. As she releases the frog, she notices an engulfing rank smell, and wonders what it is dead wildlife?

She hears a blood-curdling howling of an animal, not a wolf/cougar. Begins to get scared and hurries back along the path, feet getting stuck in branches.

In the distance at the end of the path, part of a strange animal appears. Huge, a back view, something like a man, something like an ape, she doesn’t know what she is seeing, she is frozen with fear and fascination. She takes a couple of steps toward the beast, and it disappears. She walks and runs the rest of the way towards her cabin, as she reaches the door, she hears the blood-curdling sound again, much louder and closer, and she turns to see Sasquatch. He disappears.

THE NATURE OF THE BEAST

The art instructor calls one of her work contacts on the rez, it’s George, an elder, and healer. She asks to see him.

The art instructor takes the traditional tea as a gift to George. She tells him what happened, he sits there in silence for a while. He explains that Sasquatch can have two meanings. It means she is in the right place at the right time, or it can be a warning or both.

George tells her of what happened at the cabin. She is horrified.

DENIAL OF HORROR

The art instructor declares the Sasquatch was helping her, it was a warning to be careful and that she is indeed meant to be there.

ACT 2

The band chief calls a meeting and talks about what has happened including the Sasquatch. He tells the community that they have to mend their ways. Some of the badass people ridicule the Chief saying he is too old, and this traditional stuff has no meaning for them.

They disperse from the meeting, some of the guys and a girl assemble at one of the trucks and pass around a pop bottle of homemade white lightning.

The group takes off in the truck. A coyote runs in front of the truck, stops, looks directly at them. The truck kills the coyote and the truck rolls over into the ditch. They all get out, drunk, dazed but alive. They walk over to the road to check on the coyote, he has disappeared, with no blood.

They start staggering down the road as the truck is undrivable. Then Sasquatch smell, and howling begins, Sasquatch appears, scares them half to death and disappears. A Grizzly bear comes running out of the bush, grabs one of the screaming men, and takes him into the bush to eat him. Ravens on the side of the road are ‘talking’.

The rest of the group runs screaming into the night towards the village. It starts to snow.

FULL OUT TERROR

One by one several band (reservation) people who have committed terrible crimes are targeted by Sasquatch and the grizzly bears.

The whole town, many of whom are drinking, gambling beating their wives and children, feel collective terror as to who is next.

Again the band Chief summons the residents and warns them again about their destructive ways. They hold a healing, cleansing ceremony.

At the ceremony, the art instructor asks to speak. She tells the women she is here to help them sell their crafts so they have more independence and invites them to her group. In private she is becoming more and more scared for her own safety and is considering leaving.

The women come to the group, and as it is tradition hold a sweetgrass smoke cleansing ceremony to open the group meeting. They have brought some of their work with them. As they sit and begin to talk, they disclose why they want to be more independent. Most are suffering various kinds of abuse, as well as their children. The instructor asks them if they would like to make a movie, talking about their lives and their dreams. They agree.

That night the entire village hears the howl of Sasquatch.

One of the women from the group is walking home along the edge of the woods. An Elk comes out of the bush and gores her death, not before she has run to her truck and got her rifle off the back of the truck. She shoots the elk point-blank it doesn’t have any effect. The next morning the gored woman’s body is found in the middle of the village road near the grocery store.

The village is in an emotional meltdown. The Mounties or State Police, try going door to door. They go out on snowmobiles to check the bush as do the local trappers. No result.

That night more Sasquatch howls. The band chief is taking his garbage out of his cabin, he picks up some logs of wood from his stack and walks back to the cabin. The grizzly appears. The Chief talks to the bear in a calm voice.

‘I am not for you tonight brother, you will not eat me, now go brother.’ Grizzly leaves and Chief says the traditional blessing and gratitude “Matsocho, all my relations.”

Goes inside and experiences chest pains. Calls the nursing station for help.

It’s morning and still Yukon dark. A white man, the one who attacked the girl in the opening scene, is walking from the gas station with a gas can in hand. Without any warning, a cougar appears in front of him, a larger cougar. The cougar walks around the man snarling. Terrorizing him. He jumps on him, rolling him on the ground while he screams, gets him face down, and bites him. The man is still alive as the gas can spill on the road, he has many terrible injuries. The cougar stands back as the gas suddenly bursts into flames killing the man.

RESOLUTION

A conversation between the local police and the art instructor reveals the woman killed had beaten her young daughter almost to death with a belt. She had been convicted of attempted manslaughter and set free. They talk about the burned body of the white man and say they had him in sight as a suspect in the rape attack of the girl.

People in the village discuss that the sounds of the Sasquatch nightly howling has stopped. Chief holds a feast and healing ceremony and gives a speech about right conduct according to the ancestors.

The final shots are of the group of women doing their handicrafts and talking into a camera about their lives.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

DAY 6 Anna Harper<div>

VERSION 3 PIRATE POST 143

What I learned from this assignment After my critique, I wrote another scene that I think answered all of the unanswered questions. The critique was an excellent tool. I also wordsmithed a little. I am not reposting the whole thing here it would be far too much data to expect anyone to read again. I am just posting the new work.

INT. GENERIC LAWYERS OFFICE/DAY

An older grey-haired distinguished man wearing a three-piece
banker’s suit is seated at an old ginormous desk. The room is
wood-paneled, there is a picture of the Queen. The gold
lettering on the door reads Victor Francis Esq. LLM QC
Professional Corp.

SOPHIE

pushes the door open.

SANDY

is not far behind.

VICTOR

Stands to greet them, hobbles hanging onto a crutch. Shakes
hands.
Come on in, get comfortable. This is
not going to take long. James, God
rest him, was most thorough with
instructions and has left you an
instructional manual with great
detail.
So let’s get on with the reading of
his will, which is my privilege as
both his lawyer and his friend of many
years.
Would you like a Scotch Sandy, Sophie?
It’s almost noon.

SANDY

Thanks, I’ll take one.

SOPHIE

I would just like some cold ginger ale
please, very cold.
VICTOR
I am supposed to be staying away from
this stuff, especially after the
amputation. I look like a pirate in a
suit. This brings me to the big
announcement of the day. Look under
the desk.
Sophie and Sandy peer under the desk.

SOPHIE

Oh my God, it’s Pirate! I wondered
what happened to him, thought he had gone to relatives somewhere. Come here
you big beautiful lug, give me a kiss.

SANDY

Watch the dog hair on my trousers,
just got them back from the cleaners
for God’s sake. Really James was
totally crazy having a dog this size.
Couldn’t imagine why James would want
one.

VICTOR

He may be the size of a small horse,
but I am telling you this dog is
magic! Had a bloody awful day in court
yesterday, came back to the office
with a headache and my blood pressure
up, phantom leg pains in my amputated
leg, I felt absolutely crap. This dog
had me laughing and calm in minutes,
and all the pain went away.

SOPHIE

Continues to stroke Pirate and talk to him.

VICTOR

I’m glad you love him Sophie because a
great deal of the will, if not all of
it centers around Pirate.

SANDY

Oh no! What is it that James wanted
from us?

VICTOR

Let me read you the will.
I, James Farquar Alison, being of
sound mind, bequeath the following to
either both or individually Sandy
Horton and Sophie Bloom the love,
custody, and care of Pirate.

SANDY

Oh my God, no thanks!

SOPHIE

Shut up and listen.

VICTOR

In addition, the farm is now yours for
as long as you wish providing that
Pirate is in your care at the farm.
Pirate loves the farm it is his home.
And it’s big enough for him and close
to his favorite beach. As you know he
needs his swim daily whatever the
weather. All the details for his care
are in the manual.

SANDY

I don’t want to leave my house of many
years to go and live in some oversized
farmhouse that needs work. Or take
care of his bloody livestock. Really
James what were you thinking of? I’ve
already got drool on my shoes!

VICTOR

There’s more. Additionally, I am
leaving you 80,000 pounds per annum to
the person or persons who fulfill
Pirates’ needs as stipulated. Victor
has a slush fund for renovations on
the farmhouse and he has been
instructed to be generous.

SOPHIE

I can’t believe that James would think
it necessary to pay for Pirate.

SANDY

I don’t bloody care, I have my school
board pension and I own my own house
thank you. I’m alright just the way
things are.

VICTOR

This covers the portion of the will
relative to Pirate.
There’s more.

James says, “As you know
I have been passionate about my work
with homeless street youth and there
are instructions for continuing my
work, which will be your work, should
you wish to take it on, there is an
additional 80,000 pounds per year, for each of you should you wish to
undertake the work.”

SANDY

No, I don’t want to take on any work.
I had enough of gobby snotty teenagers
all through my career. All I want is
peace at my age.

SOPHIE

Is all the information including the
street youth project in the binder? If
so how about we take Pirate home and
give me a couple of days to go through
the binder. I want to make sure I can do the best for Pirate, the youth
project, and honour Jame’s intentions.
We will give you a call either way.
Personally, I am keen on the idea, it
sounds marvelous.

SANDY

You are off your rocker Sophie! You
can forget it I will not change my
mind!

</div>

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s lead terrifying monster DAY 2

The lead monster is a SASQUATCH its mythology is that it often appears as a warning OR to inform someone that they are in the right place at the right time.

Terror is huge has a blood-curdling cry and it is quasi-human. His smell announces his or her arrival. He appears and reappears in different locations in a moment of time. (shapshiters)

Their mystery is that it is both a great privilege to see one. few have had a Sasquatch encounter and terrifying at the same time.

The fear-provoking appearance is that it comes out of nowhere, gigantic, hairy a conundrum, is it human or animal, is it there to communicate or eat us?

Their rules are you had better pay attention to the meaning of my appearing or else! Something terrible is about to happen. Nightmares and appearances of other totem animals manifest into reality. Giant menacing versions, who will deliver a blood and gore message in sequence. This will cause all the community to manage their proclivities for damaging behaviors.

SUBSEQUENT Totem Monsters

FROG

COYOTE

COUGAR

WOLF

[anna harper]

What I learned from this assignment; is an orderly systematic way of fleshing out the story I want to tell. Very useful.

CHARACTERS AND CONCEPT

THE LONG DARK

written by Anna Harper

CONCEPT

An isolated community in the Yukon bush is terrorized by a series of Totem animals appearing in dreams, then reality, and blood and gore attacks. A key totem animal is the Sasquatch, a shape shifter. Evil persons in the community are the target.

TERRORIZE THE CHARACTERS

A pattern is established which creates anxiety in the whole community. Sasquatch appears to a random person, it’s usually a warning.

Evil doers are visited in dreams by terrifying totem animal encounters. after they have committed some atrocity. Finally, they are punished by an encounter in real life with the animal.

ISOLATION

The story is set in a community that is always isolated in the center of a 300k area of dense bush and lakes. In the Yukon winter (the long dark) it is only accessible by small planes. Ski doos can barely go that far on a tank of gas, providing they don’t run into trouble, freezing, breakdowns, injuries, and monsters.

DEATH

There are four groups of death victims,

evil people, a random (not evil) person, a totem animal, and victims of crime in the community.

MONSTERS/VILLANS

There are multiple villains (people in the community.) And there are multiple totem animals/ who can appear monstrous. The lead monster is the Sasquatch.

At this point, I am selecting the following totem animals as I have some experience with them. I lived in the Yukon. Wolf, Bear, Cougar, Coyote, and Frog.

HIGH TENSION

Tension starts in the first scene with the appearance of Sasquatch to a naive art instructor who has come to work with the native women, She has just landed,, it’s the edge of fall/winter. Her job is to help the native women develop their crafts into an income stream. At least in the beginning, until she learns their stories then things change.

The fear escalates through the community as appearances of Totem animals become more frequent, followed by some horrific event in the community. Everyone is wondering if they will be next, even the innocents.

DEPARTURE FROM REALITY

The departure from reality for the viewer is the unique difficult environment.

and the experience of the horrific attacks firstly in reported terrifying dreams, where the victims wake up with real blood on their bodies. And secondly, their minds are blown when the dreamers are attacked in real life.

MORAL STATEMENT

The spiritual constructs of this community make all vulnerable to the reality of spirit animals coming to life, giving warnings, and lessons.

They appear when they are needed. In the end, some have the epiphany that the monster is within, and they must take responsibility for their own behavior to avoid terrifying encounters with animal teachers.

The monsters and totem animals are saviors as they prevent the implosion and self-destruction of the isolated dysfunctional community.

For the evil doers, escape from certain and terrible death is unavoidable.

Groups needed for the story world

Team of Professionals

Local RCMP or Tribal Police

Nurses attached to the Nursing Station

Pilots medivac

AND

Social Group

Residents of the small remote community

AND

Outsiders

Ph.D. students

Government employee Community Workers Addictions counselor

AND

Sinners

Half a dozen of the small band territory has gone off the rails, the usual crimes drunkenness, illegal drugs, and domestic abuse.

An unidentified group has committed a horrible crime. We don’t know who they are.

Dying patterns

B. The characters experience the terror and survive together, but one or two die.

Who is going to experience this horror?

Rescuer/Sacrificial lamb Sets up the horror as a curse, not a random event. An Indigenous Tribal Policeman CODY LIGHTFOOT Bull in a china shop personality. The first to experience the horror which he keeps quiet, and then he gets eaten.

Out of control obnoxious A local man, Caucasian runs various small businesses in town. He is sleazy. Likes to portray himself as a pillar of the community. He is a racist.

Rebel The new art instructor. She has come to work with the women., and help them sell their handicrafts. The work takes on new directions in helping women tell their stories.

The Carrier One of the local men has returned to the community, he has spent time in custody before his crimes of violence have been overturned by a judge.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Day 2 Horror High Concept

MY STORY

THE LONG DARK

written by Anna Harper

CONCEPT

An isolated community in the Yukon bush is terrorized by a series of Totem animals appearing in dreams, then reality, and blood and gore attacks. A key totem animal is the Sasquatch, a shape shifter. Evil persons and one random person in the community are targets.

TERRORIZE THE CHARACTERS

A pattern is established which creates anxiety in the whole community. Sasquatch appears to a random person, it’s usually a warning.

Evil doers are visited in dreams by terrifying totem animal encounters. after they have committed some atrocity. Finally, they are punished by an encounter in real life with the animal.

ISOLATION

The story is set in a community that is always isolated in the center of a 300k area of dense bush and lakes. In the Yukon winter (the long dark) it is only accessible by small planes. Ski doos can barely go that far on a tank of gas, providing they don’t run into trouble, freezing, breakdowns, injuries, and monsters.

DEATH

There are four groups of death victims,

evil people, a random (not evil) person, a totem animal, and victims of crime in the community.

MONSTERS/VILLANS

There are multiple villains (people in the community.) And there are multiple totem animals/ who can appear monstrous. The lead monster is the Sasquatch.

At this point, I am selecting the following additional totem animals as I have some experience with them. I lived in the Yukon. Wolf, Bear, Cougar, Coyote, and Frog.

HIGH TENSION

Tension starts in the first scene with the appearance of Sasquatch to a newly arrived art instructor who has come to work with the native women, She has just landed,, it’s the edge of fall/winter. Her job is to help the native women develop their crafts into an income stream. At least in the beginning, until she learns their stories then things change.

The fear escalates through the community as appearances of Totem animals become more frequent, followed by some horrific event in the community. Everyone is wondering if they will be next, even the innocents.

DEPARTURE FROM REALITY

The departure from reality for the viewer is the unique difficult environment. and the experience of the horrific attacks firstly in reported terrifying dreams, where the victims wake up with real blood on their bodies. And secondly, their minds are blown when the dreamers are attacked in real life.

MORAL STATEMENT

The spiritual constructs of this community make all vulnerable to the reality of spirit animals coming to life, giving warnings, and lessons.

Totem animals appear when they are needed. In the end, some of the residents have the epiphany that the monster is within, and they must take responsibility for their own behavior to avoid terrifying encounters with animal teachers.

The monsters and totem animals are saviors as they prevent the implosion and self-destruction of the isolated dysfunctional community.

For the evil doers, escape from certain and terrible death is unavoidable.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

What I learned from this assignment. This is a totally new experience for me, so it was very interesting and I learned a great many things about what goes into a successful horror movie.

Movie: SHAUN OF THE LIVING DEAD

written by Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright

CONCEPT

Shaun and his friends have their mundane lives upended when a virus turns people into zombies who produce more zombies by biting their victims.

The UK is in an armageddon like state with the zombies taking over.

MY COMMENTS

Shaun’s character arc moves from being passive and obtuse, refusing to grow or become an adult into gradually becoming a hero, taking on the zombies.

The trojan horse moral or meaning is that in real life, we can all fritter away our existence by being stuck in many ruts, not taking risks, and not going on our hero’s journey. In the movie opening, there is a wonderful scene with everyday people having zombie-like characteristics.

Gradually, somewhat obvious signs and symbols which, I think are meant to be subliminal influences for the inept hero, are planted throughout the first act. I found the movie both horrific and hilarious, with lots of bloody gore, violence, and funny ridiculousness.

This film is noted as a cult classic. It did not make much money, about 30M with 6 M approx to make. Unlike other horror movies, a number of A-list actors are in this movie.

Terrorize the Characters

The terror of the zombies escalates, moving from zombies in the community, then the immediate neighborhood, and finally invading every corner of the lives of the lead characters. The movie moves through the terror of the zombies being denied (by the always complacent about-life) leading characters, to a full-on engagement battle to survive. The characters learn that the zombie problem is a nationwide Armageddon-like event.

Isolation.

There are several scenes where the victims are isolated. Initially in their apartment, which they must escape, another scene in an enclosed garden, which they must also escape, and the grand finale when Shaun and his friends manage to reach what they think is safety in the local pub. All lines of communication are down, and no incoming info from the T.V. The zombies enter the pub and the final battle of the group of friends takes place.

Death

Gradually, some of the main characters are killed off, including Shaun’s mother, who he has to save by killing her himself (she has turned into a zombie. His step Dad, and his nemesis flatmate,

Monster villan

The main thrust of the movie is that there are numerous zombies (monsters) that are overrunning the country very quickly. The zombies also represent (I think the life-sucking monster within, apathy.)

The peak of the tension occurs in the final attempt of the zombies to take over the Musket, the local pub. This is the stronghold that Shaun and his friends thought was a safe stronghold. It seems hopeless. Shaun and his deadbeat friend, Ed (arrested development) find a hatch in the floor which will take them outside of the pub.

They go to the basement and the escape plan becomes a trap as they cannot exit the room until the last minute. Ed is Zombie bitten and is left to kill himself with a rifle. Eventually, they emerge to what they think is safety to find more zombie attacks and chaos. Then the calvary arrives.

The whole movie is a contrast between everyday reality (streets, neighborhoods, very ordinary) and the extraordinary event of the zombie invasion.

Moral statement

In a bizarre way, the villans/monsters save the people who experience it as a life-changing event and challenge them to step out of their engulfment in apathetic stunted lives.

FINAL COMMENT The comedy element surprisingly, works very well. I loved it!

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Welcomes critiques

What I learned from this assignment is. I have a certain amount of confidence in the opening pages, which is encouraging. I have learned that I appreciate critiques and the information is invaluable, as some of my work has been too timid.

PLEASE NOTE That this is the second episode of a series of three.

ALSO I don’t think this is ten pages, but it’s what I’ve got with apologies.

SITUATION

A friend (JAMES) died and left the care of PIRATE, and a financial legacy with strings attached to his friends Sophie and Sandy

PIRATE is the littermate of ALFIE a dog with superpowers from the pilot SILENT NIGHT.. Alfie and Dylan (boy from Silent Night) are trying to locate Alfie’s littermates.

PIRATE

Is a black and white Newfoundland dog. He has superpowers that Sandy and Sophie do not know about. PIRATE is a healer dog. Alfie has telepathic communication abilities.

SOPHIE is an out-of-work actress, Her last role was in a local theatre 5 years ago. She has been very depressed. Sophie is 60 ish. She dresses like an old hippy with money, BOHO, flamboyant frilly sleeves (like something out of ABBA) She makes some money baking cakes and selling herbs. She lives with Sandy her live-in lover of 10 years.

SANDY Is a retired teacher, in his late 60’s He paints dreary landscapes, no sales. Likes boring card games, meat and potatoes food, and watching Coronation Street., and wears black socks with his sandals

ESTABLISHING/SHOPPING AREA/YARMOUTH U.K./DAY

SOPHIE

It’s a spring day Sophie is walking into town. She is carrying shopping baskets full of baking and herbs for delivery. Sophie walks past the most upscale coffee shop in town (WELL DRESSED PATRONS CAN be SEEN IN THE WINDOW)

She turns down a cobbled side street. Her attention is drawn to look at something MYSTERIOUS There is a pile of what looks like moving garbage bags. She stops and looks closer. TO HER HORROR, it’s an almost unconscious boy. lying on a couple of garbage bags fluttering in the breeze.

SOPHIE

Hey my friend, are you alright? I’m Sophie. What’s your name?

BOY

Lifts head barely

Bill,

Grunts coughs

Bill.

SOPHIE

Sophie’s eyes widen as she sees the red welt of flea bites covering his skinny arms.

FRANTICALLY Do you want water, I have some here?

BILL

Bill slumps back over.

SOPHIE

Are you alright, Bill, Bill, Oh my God!

SCREAMS Help, help, anybody help?

MAN

Stops walking, looks at Bill and takes his cell phone out, and calls an ambulance.

SOPHIE

Throws down her bags and rolls Bill onto his back. She FRANTICALLY checks his pulse and his breathing, he is not breathing.

SOPHIE

Shit, he’s not breathing! Bill, Bill for God’s sake, Bill! Come on!

Come back!

She starts VIGOROUS CPR. SOPHIE SINGS The BeeGees ‘Staying Alive’ to keep pace with FRANTIC compressions, muttering intermittently.

Come on Bill, don’t die on me!

A crowd is forming. Nosy Lookey Loos, no one offers help.

SOPHIE

Sophie is working up a sweat with the CPR effort.

SOPHIE

SCREAMS Where’s the ambulance, how long does it take to get a fucking ambulance!

WELL DRESSED WOMAN

SHOUTS FILTHY drug addicts put them in prison!

SIRENS BLARING in the background after what seems an age. The MEDICS jump out and start to work on Bill, taking over the CPR.

One of the medics starts filling a syringe with Naxolene. The other medic is hooking up the AED.

MEDIC 1

STAND BACK, HANDS-OFF!

TWO JUMPS of the AED NOTHING The Noxelene is injected. The medics try again, more CPR, and then one more jump start with the AED. Nothing

MEDIC 1

LOOKS TIRED AND DEPRESSED

I am sorry, he’s gone. From the stuff in his bag, looks like a Fentanyl O.D.

That’s the third one this week.

MEDIC 2

PISSED-OFF FACIAL EXPRESSION

From his wallet, looks like Bill was 17.

Gets the gurney, and the medics load him on and cover the body with a sheet. Slam the ambulance doors.

SOPHIE

Sophie is standing there in SHOCK AND DISBELIEF She watches the ambulance leave. She walks over to the church wall, sits down, weeps, pulls out her cell phone, and calls SANDY.

SOPHIE

Struggling to talk. Choking on her tears.

Sandy, come and get me please, I am St.Agness outside on the wall.

SANDY

IRRITABLE

Can’t it wait? I’ve still got another 20 minutes of Coronation Street!

MUSIC UP

ACKER BILK STRANGER ON THE SHORE

ESTABLISHING/ARIAL/ FRESHWATER BAY CLIFFS/ THE NEEDLES /SUNNY

DAY

EXT.FRESHWATER BAY BEACH, ISLE OF WIGHT UK/DAY

Sophie and Sandy are sitting in deck chairs in front of the Fresh From the Sea Fish and Chips van. Sophie has tied a red balloon to her chair.

SOPHIE

We need to have a chat dear.

SANDY

There’s sand in my fish and chip dinner. Why did we have to come to the beach?

SOPHIE

It’s a lovely day, the fish and chips taste better at the beach, and PIRATE needs

his daily swim.

SANDY

It’s January for God’s sake! I would rather have had dinner at home! All this mucking about because of the dog.

PIRATE

Pirate is busy swimming around in the water. SOPHIE is eating her fish and chips ravenously, with gusto.

SOPHIE

It’s a balmy 10 degrees, I am going in for a splash about with Pirate, soon as I have finished my delish fish and chips just look at him, he’s having a lovely time. Pirate is magnificent, strong, and powerful I love watching him enjoy himself.

Really, Sandy, we have to talk it’s me, not you.

SANDY wraps up his fish and chips, not eating, and places them on the beach blanket. Sulking.

SANDY

Turns to Sophie, and uses an authoritative tone of voice.

You know Sophie, I am not at all keen on having this arrangement JAMES has left us in a sticky spot. I mean really Pirate is too much responsibility at our age. And let’s not forget some of the strings James attached.

SOPHIE

I am going in the water with him as soon as I have finished my yummy fish and chips. And I don’t think you are listening, again!

SANDY

I’ve lost my appetite. I’m tired. I could hardly sleep a wink. Pirate snores. When he jumped on the bed this morning, I just about had a heart attack, a giant dog face in my face first thing in the morning. Ughh. Dog breath!

SOPHIE

Practically all the people on the island know him and love him. What’s wrong with taking care of Pirate? I going to keep him no matter what you say. I’ll get a California King size bed, no problem.

SANDY

Did you see all the drool he shakes off, it’s revolting. He needs to wear a bib. It will be all over the walls of my little house. He practically fills the hallway, and the living room carpet, there’s nowhere to move!

SOPHIE

That’s why James left us his farm. It’s much bigger. Pirate will enjoy being in his old haunt. I can’t wait, the farm is an exciting move. I already started clearing out the cupboards and I forgot to mention that I have a moving van ordered.

SANDY

Gets up and starts to fold the chairs. Sophie unties the red balloon. Sandy is speaking in a whiny tone of voice.

Sophie, you know I’m no good with big changes. I like our life the way it is. We are a pair of old crocks, how much time and energy do we have to take on Pirate and do all the other things James asked us to do in his will

SOPHIE

Stands, using a confrontational tone of voice. Hands-on her hips.

You like our life the way it is, do you? Meaning playing cards on Wednesday, watching Coronation Street, and sticking to your rules about not having anyone over for dinner? No foreign food, and what about sex? I don’t know what you are really afraid of Sandy, do you?

SANDY

Sandy picks up the package of fish and chips.

SOPHIE

Sophie takes them roughly away from him.

SANDY

This conversation is impossible. I can’t eat these blasted fish and chips with sand all over them, this bloody dog nonsense has got me all wound up. The dam sand is getting in my dentures!

SOPHIE

It’s you who is impossible. We have been live-in lovers for what 10 years now. Time to shake things up before I go senile from boredom! I am moving to the farm with Pirate. And sod your gross detures! If you take them out here, I will bloody well throw them to the dog!

SANDY

My dear you are 65 next month, be realistic. You aren’t going to find another man, especially not with that mutt hanging around.

SOPHIE

I’ll look for a new lover online, why not? Some passion would be rather nice! And I am bored to death of with life the way it is, what a dreary prospect. And I have the advantage of having all my own teeth! Old man yourself!

SANDY

Sophie, are you leaving me for a dog? A drooling, farting fur on everything dog. You have really lost it this time.

SOPHIE

Yes, I’m leaving you for a life with Pirate, moving to the farm, and continuing James’ work with homeless youth. Stay comfortable Sandy We have had a good 10 years but the zip has zapped, the fire has fizzled. If I am afraid of anything, it’s dying of boredom. Sorry, it’s really me, not you. Pirate, would you like Sandy’s fish and chips?

Sophie gives the fish and chips to a ravenous Pirate.

SANDY

You are a stupid old woman! You know nothing about farming, or what in heaven are you going to do with homeless drug-addled, wild teenagers! How are you going to manage all this? You’ve gone round the bend, perhaps you are going demented Sophie, you know radio rental, mental, gone doolally,

What exactly do you think you are doing? Did you know there’s James’s pet cow up at the farm? Do you even know how to milk a cow? Of course not. What are you going to do when the little darlings nick the silver to buy drugs?

SOPHIE

You are being ridiculous. Besides, James has left an instructional manual of what to do. I’ll figure it out, learn by the seat of my pants. Besides, I was getting very depressed, I have felt so much better since Pirate came to stay., happy! It’s no good Sandy. I am going to the farm. It will be a grand adventure.

SANDY

You are lying to yourself. You are going to make a mess of it, and don’t come crying to me for help, I’m not at all interested! And you Sophie are off your trolley! This is all because you haven’t had an acting job in the last five years.! You think you are washed up. Well, maybe you are. A bloody dog will not solve that! Or a cow, or druggie teenagers!

SOPHIE

That’s Ok Sandy. Simmer down. You stay here, in YOUR little house, and I will take care of James’ estate. I am totally confident I can do it. You obviously cannot.

SANDY

Does this mean I don’t get any of the money?

EXT. BEACH/SUNSET

SOPHIE

Ignores Sandy, throws off her beach dress and runs into the shallows with her red balloon, and plays with Pirate.

MUSIC UP

PLAYING IN THE WAVES

HIP HOP BEAT LYRICS Anna HARPER

[anna harper]

Hello, Anna Harper here. Currently local to British Columbia Canada, returning to the UK soon ish. I have completed 2 scripts and am working on a 3rd in ProSeries and this one in Horror and have two of my books to convert to screenplays. What I will get out of this class is a quality experience, and creating a highly marketable horror script.

I am just generally a tad weird. Best of luck going forward to everyone in the group.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s First Five Pages.

What I learned from this experience; This was really tough. I struggled with which opening to use. I was concerned about the rating of the movie and also would the opening be off-putting for parents?

I think the opening which initially I absolutely did not want to use, works well and glues the story web together better than before. This is a hard-edged opening and I am guessing that it would be PG while my last one would be FAMILY rated. I hope this will not mess up marketability.

EXT.YARMOUTH TOWN, UK/DAY

SOPHIE is an out-of-work actress, 60 ish. She makes some money baking cakes and selling herbs. She lives with Sandy her live-in lover of 10 years.

Sophie is bored to tears with Sandy and her aimless life.

On her walk into town, she sees what looks like a pile of garbage bags moving. It’s A teen aged boy, with a garbage bag of his clothes (dressed from head to foot in hot weather in black) collapsed in a heap.

He is covered in bites from bed bugs at the shelter, half-starved, and delirious from dehydration.

EXT.YARMOUTH TOWN, UK/DAY

SOPHIE

Sophie is walking into town. She is carrying shopping baskets full of baking and herbs for delivery. Sophie walks past the most upscale coffee shop in town (WELL DRESSED PATRONS CAN be SEEN IN THE WINDOW) She turns down a cobbled side street. Her attention is drawn to look at something mysterious. There is a pile of what looks like moving garbage bags. She stops and looks closer. TO HER HORROR, it’s an almost unconscious boy. lying on a couple of garbage bags fluttering in the breeze.

SOPHIE

Hey my friend, are you alright? I’m Sophie. What’s your name?

BOY

Lifts head barely

Bill, Bill.

Grunts coughs

SOPHIE

Sophie’s eyes widen as she sees the red welt of flea bites covering his arms.

Do you want water, I have some here?

BILL

Bill slumps back over.

SOPHIE

Are you alright, Bill, Bill, Oh my God! SCREAMS Help, help, anybody help?

MAN

Stops walking, looks at Bill and takes his cell phone out, and calls an ambulance.

SOPHIE

Throws down her bags and rolls Bill onto his back. She FRANTICALLY checks his pulse and his breathing, he is not breathing.

SOPHIE

Shit, he’s not breathing! Bill, Bill for God’s sake, Bill! Come on!

Come back!

She starts vigourous CPR..

A crowd is forming.

Sophie SHOUTS at the man who called the ambulance.

Where the hell is the ambulance, how fucking long does it take?

Sophie continues CPR, working up a sweat.

SIRENS BLARING in the background after what seems an age. The MEDICS jump out and start to work on Bill, taking over the CPR.

One of the medics starts filling a syringe with Naxolene. The other medic is hooking up the AED.

MEDIC 1

<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>STAND BACK, HANDS OFF!

TWO JUMPS of the AED NOTHING The Noxelene is injected. The medics try again, more CPR, and then one more jump start with the AED.

MEDIC 1

I am sorry, he’s gone. From the stuff in his bag, looks like a Fentanyl O.D.

That’s the third one this week.

MEDIC 2

From his wallet, looks like Bill was 17.

Gets the gurney, and the medics load him on and cover the body with a sheet.

SOPHIE

Sophie is standing there in shock and disbelief. She watches the ambulance leave. She walks over to the church wall, sits down, weeps, pulls out her cell phone, and calls SANDY.

SOPHIE

Struggling to talk.

Sandy, come and get me please, I am St.Agness outside on the wall.

SANDY

Can’t it wait? I’ve still got another 20 minutes of Coronation Street!

SANDY Is a retired teacher, in his late 60’s He paints dreary landscapes, no sales. Likes boring card games, meat and potatoes food, and watching Coronation Street.

SITUATION

A friend (JAMES) died and left the care of PIRATE, and a financial legacy with strings attached to his friends Sophie and Sandy

PIRATE Is a black and white Newfoundland dog. He has superpowers that Sandy and Sophie do not know about.

PIRATE is the littermate of ALFIE a dog with superpowers from the pilot SILENT NIGHT.

Alfie and Dylan (boy from Silent Night EPISODE 1) are trying to locate Alfie’s littermates. Alfie is sad and wants a reunion with Cocoa and Pirate.

SCENE

MUSIC UP

ACKER BILK STRANGER ON THE SHORE

ESTABLISHING/ARIAL/ FRESHWATER BAY CLIFFS/ THE NEEDLES /SUNNY DAY

EXT.FRESHWATER BAY BEACH, ISLE OF WIGHT UK/DAY

Sophie and Sandy are sitting in deck chairs in front of the Fresh From the Sea Fish and Chips van. Sophie has tied a red balloon to her chair.

SOPHIE

We need to have a chat Sandy.

SANDY

IRRITABLE TONE OF VOICE

There’s sand in my fish and chip dinner. Why did we have to come to the beach?

SOPHIE

It’s a lovely day, the fish and chips taste better at the beach and PIRATE needs his daily swim.

SANDY

It’s January for God’s sake! I would rather have had dinner at home! All this mucking about because of the bloody dog.

PIRATE

Pirate is busy swimming around in the water.

SOPHIE is eating her fish and chips ravenously, with gusto.

SOPHIE

It’s a balmy 10 degrees, I am going in for a splash about with Pirate, soon as I have finished my delish fish and chips just look at him, he’s having a lovely time. Pirate is magnificent, strong, and powerful I love watching him enjoy himself. He makes me happy, happier than I have been in ages.

SANDY wraps up his fish and chips, not eating, and places them on the beach blanket. Sulking.

SANDY

Turns to Sophie, and uses an AUTHORARATATIVE tone of voice.

You know Sophie, I am not at all keen on having this arrangement JAMES has left us in a sticky spot. I mean really Pirate is too much responsibility at our age. And let’s not forget some of the strings James attached.

SOPHIE

I am going in the water with him as soon as I have finished my yummy fish and chips. And I don’t think you are listening, again!

SANDY

WHINING

I’ve lost my appetite. I’m tired. I could hardly sleep a wink. Pirate snores. When he jumped on the bed this morning, I just about had a heart attack, a giant dog face in my face first thing in the morning. Ughh. Dog breath!

SOPHIE

Practically all the people on the island know him and love him. What’s wrong with taking care of Pirate? I going to keep him no matter what you say. I’ll get a California King size bed, no problemo.

SANDY

Did you see all the drool he shakes off, it’s disgusting. He needs to wear a bib. It will be all over the walls of our little house, my little house. He practically fills the hallway, and the living room carpet, there’s nowhere to move!

SOPHIE

ANGRY FED UP

That’s why James left us his farm. It’s much bigger. Pirate will enjoy being in his old haunt. I can’t wait, the farm is an exciting move. I already started clearing out the cupboards and I forgot to mention that I have a moving van ordered. I am going to the farm, without you. You can stick your little house (and not even our house after ten years with you) and your mean attitude where the sun doesn’t shine. I prefer the dog’s company anyway!

SANDY

Gets up and starts to fold the chairs. .

SOPHIE

Sophie unties the red balloon.

SANDY

WHINY TONE

Sophie, you know I’m no good with big changes. I like our life the way it is. We are a pair of old crocks, how much time and energy do we have to take on Pirate and do all the other things James asked us t do in his will.

SOPHIE

Stands, HANDS-ON -HIPS using a CONFRONTATIONAL tone

You like our life the way it is, do you? Meaning playing cards on Wednesday, watching Coronation Street, and sticking to your rules about not having anyone over for dinner? No foreign food, and what about sex? I don’t know what you are really afraid of Sandy, do you?

SANDY

Sandy picks up the package of fish and chips.

SOPHIE

Sophie GRABS them away from him.

SANDY

PISSED OFF-TONE

This conversation is impossible. I can’t eat these blasted fish and chips with sand all over, gross, and getting into my dentures! This bloody dog nonsense has got me all wound up!

SOPHIE

VERY ANGRY TONE

<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>SOD YOU AND YOUR BLOODY DENTURES! It’s you who is impossible! We have been live-in lovers for what 10 years now. Time to shake things up before I go senile from boredom I am moving to the farm with Pirate.

SANDY

CONDESCENDINGLY

My dear you are 65 next month, be realistic. You aren’t going to find another man, especially not with that mutt hanging around.

SOPHIE

I’ll look for a new lover online, why not? And I am bored to death of with life the way it is, what a dreary prospect.

SANDY

LOSES IT, ANGRY

Sophie, are you leaving me for a dog? A drooling, farting fur on everything dog. You have really lost it this time.

SOPHIE

Yes, I’m leaving you for a life with Pirate, moving to the farm, and continuing James’ work with homeless youth. I know nothing about farming or homeless youth. I’ll learn as I go. It’ll be a grand adventure!

Stay comfortable Sandy We have had a good 10 years but the zip has zapped, the fire has fizzled. If I am afraid of anything, it’s dying of boredom. Sorry, it’s really me, not you. Pirate, would like Sandy’s fish and chips?

SANDY

INCREDULOUS

Does this mean I don’t get any of the money?

EXT. BEACH/SUNSET

SOPHIE

Ignores Sandy, throws off her beach dress and runs into the shallows with her red balloon, and plays with Pirate.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper First Great Page

What I learned from this assignment. I did some wordsmithing. I was happy with the intensity of the page. Always room to tweak and improve, one word can make a difference.

SITUATION

SOPHIE is an out-of-work actress, Her last role was in a local theatre 5 years ago. She is depressed. Sophie is 60 ish. She dresses like an old hippy with money, BOHO, flamboyant frilly sleeves (like something out of ABBA) She makes some money baking cakes and selling herbs. She lives with Sandy her live-in lover of 10 years.

ESTABLISHING/SHOPPING AREA/YARMOUTH U.K./DAY

SOPHIE

It’s a hot spring day Sophie is walking into town. She is carrying shopping baskets full of baking and herbs for delivery. Sophie walks past the most upscale coffee shop in town (WELL DRESSED PATRONS CAN be SEEN IN THE WINDOW) She turns down a cobbled side street. Her attention is drawn to look at something MYSTERIOUS There is a pile of what looks like moving garbage bags. She stops and looks closer. TO HER HORROR, it’s an almost unconscious boy. lying on a couple of garbage bags fluttering in the breeze.

SOPHIE

Hey my friend, are you alright? I’m Sophie. What’s your name?

BOY

Lifts head barely

Bill,

Grunts coughs

Bill.

SOPHIE

Sophie’s eyes widen as she sees the red welt of flea bites covering his skinny arms.

FRANTICALLY Do you want water, I have some here?

BILL

Bill slumps back over.

SOPHIE

Are you alright, Bill, Bill, Oh my God! SCREAMS Help, help, anybody help?

MAN

Stops walking, looks at Bill and takes his cell phone out, and calls an ambulance.

SOPHIE

Throws down her bags and rolls Bill onto his back. She FRANTICALLY checks his pulse and his breathing, he is not breathing.

SOPHIE

Shit, he’s not breathing! Bill, Bill for God’s sake, Bill! Come on!

Come back!

She starts VIGOROUS CPR. SOPHIE SINGS The BeeGees ‘Staying Alive’ to keep pace with FRANTIC compressions, muttering intermittently. Come on Bill, don’t die on me!

A crowd is forming. Nosy Lookey Loos, no one offers help.

WELL DRESSED WOMAN

SHOUTS

FILTHY drug addicts put them in prison.

SIRENS BLARING in the background after what seems an age. The MEDICS jump out and start to work on Bill, taking over the CPR.

One of the medics starts filling a syringe with Naxolene. The other medic is hooking up the AED.

MEDIC 1

STAND BACK, HANDS-OFF!

TWO JUMPS of the AED NOTHING The Noxelene is injected. The medics try again, more CPR, and then one more jump start with the AED. Nothing

MEDIC 1

I am sorry, he’s gone. From the stuff in his bag, looks like a Fentanyl O.D.

That’s the third one this week.

MEDIC 2

From his wallet, looks like Bill was 17.

Gets the gurney, and the medics load him on and cover the body with a sheet. Slam the ambulance doors.

SOPHIE

Sophie is standing there in SHOCK AND DISBELIEF She watches the ambulance leave. She walks over to the church wall, sits down, weeps, pulls out her cell phone, and calls SANDY.

SOPHIE

Struggling to talk. Choking on her tears.

Sandy, come and get me please, I am St.Agness outside on the wall.

SANDY

IRRITABLE

Can’t it wait? I’ve still got another 20 minutes of Coronation Street!

[anna harper]

I agree to the terms of the release form.

[anna harper]

Anna Harpers Amazing Opening Scene DAY 3

PIRATE (episode 2 of 3 part series)

Written by Anna Harper

What I learned from this experience; This was really tough. I struggled with which opening to use. I was concerned about the rating of the movie and also would the opening be off-putting for parents?

I think the opening (which initially I absolutely did not want to use,) works well and glues the story web together better than before. This is a hard-edged opening and I am guessing that it would be PG while my last one would be FAMILY rated. I hope this will not mess up marketability.

SITUATION

SOPHIE is an out-of-work actress, 60 ish. She makes some money baking cakes and selling herbs. She lives with Sandy her live-in lover of 10 years.

Sophie is bored to tears with Sandy and her aimless life.

EXT.YARMOUTH TOWN, UK/DAY

SOPHIE

Sophie is walking into town. She is carrying shopping baskets full of baking and herbs for delivery. Sophie walks past the most upscale coffee shop in town (WELL DRESSED PATRONS CAN be SEEN IN THE WINDOW) She turns down a cobbled side street. Her attention is drawn to look at something MYSTERIOUS. There is a pile of what looks like moving garbage bags. She stops and looks closer. TO HER HORROR, it’s an almost unconscious boy. lying on a couple of garbage bags fluttering in the breeze.

SOPHIE

Hey my friend, are you alright? I’m Sophie. What’s your name?

BOY

Lifts head, barely

Bill, Bill.

Grunts coughs

SOPHIE

Sophie’s eyes widen as she sees the red welts of flea bites covering his arms.

Do you want water, I have some here?

BILL

Bill slumps back over.

SOPHIE

Are you alright, Bill, Bill, Oh my God! SCREAMS Help, help, anybody help?

MAN

Stops walking, looks at Bill and takes his cell phone out, and calls an ambulance.

SOPHIE

Throws down her bags and rolls Bill onto his back. She FRANTICALLY checks his pulse and his breathing, he is not breathing.

SOPHIE

Shit, he’s not breathing! Bill, Bill for God’s sake, Bill! Come on!

Come back!

She starts VIGOROUS CPR.

A crowd is forming.

Sophie SHOUTS at the man who called the ambulance.

Where the hell is the ambulance, how fucking long does it take?

Sophie continues CPR, working up a sweat.

SIRENS BLARING in the background after what seems an age. The MEDICS jump out and start to work on Bill, taking over the CPR.

One of the medics starts filling a syringe with Naxolene. The other medic is hooking up the AED.

MEDIC 1

STAND BACK, HANDS OFF!

TWO JUMPS of the AED NOTHING The Noxelene is injected. The medics try again, more CPR, and then one more jump start with the AED.

MEDIC 1

I am sorry, he’s gone. From the stuff in his bag, looks like a Fentanyl O.D.

That’s the third one this week.

MEDIC 2

From his wallet, looks like Bill was 17.

Gets the gurney, and the medics load him on and cover the body with a sheet.

SOPHIE

Sophie is standing there in SHOCK AND DISBELIEF She watches the ambulance leave. She walks over to the church wall, sits down, weeps, pulls out her cell phone, and calls SANDY.

SOPHIE

Struggling to talk, crying.

Sandy, come and get me please, I am at St.Agness outside on the wall.

SANDY

Can’t it wait? I’ve still got another 20 minutes of Coronation Street!

SANDY Is a retired teacher, in his late 60’s He paints dreary landscapes, no sales. Likes boring card games, meat and potatoes food, and watching Coronation Street.

SITUATION

A friend (JAMES) died and left the care of PIRATE, and a financial legacy with strings attached to his friends Sophie and Sandy

PIRATE Is a black and white Newfoundland dog. He has superpowers that Sandy and Sophie do not know about.

PIRATE is the littermate of ALFIE a dog with superpowers from the pilot SILENT NIGHT.. Alfie and Dylan (boy from Silent Night EPISODE 1) are trying to locate Alfie’s littermate

SCENE

MUSIC UP

ACKER BILK STRANGER ON THE SHORE

ESTABLISHING/ARIAL/ FRESHWATER BAY CLIFFS/ THE NEEDLES /SUNNY DAY

EXT.FRESHWATER BAY BEACH, ISLE OF WIGHT UK/DAY

Sophie and Sandy are sitting in deck chairs in front of the Fresh From the Sea Fish and Chips van. Sophie has tied a red balloon to her chair.

SOPHIE

We need to have a chat SANDY.

SANDY

There’s sand in my fish and chip dinner. Why did we have to come to the beach?

SOPHIE

UPBEAT It’s a lovely day, the fish and chips taste better at the beach and PIRATE needs his daily swim.

SANDY

ANGRY

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>It’s January for God’s sake! I would rather have had dinner at home! All this mucking about because of the bloody dog.

PIRATE

Pirate is busy swimming around in the water.

SOPHIE is eating her fish and chips ravenously, with gusto.

SOPHIE

It’s a balmy 10 degrees, I am going in for a splash about with Pirate, soon as I have finished my delish fish and chips just look at him, he’s having a lovely time. Pirate is magnificent, strong, and powerful I love watching him enjoy himself. He makes me happy, much happier than I have been in ages.

SANDY is SULKING wraps up his fish and chips, not eating, and places them on the beach blanket.

SANDY

Turns to Sophie, and uses an AUTHORITATIVE tone of voice.

You know Sophie, I am not at all keen on having this arrangement JAMES has left us in a sticky spot. I mean really Pirate is too much responsibility at our age. And let’s not forget some of the strings James attached.

SOPHIE

I am going in the water with him as soon as I have finished my yummy fish and chips. And I don’t think you are listening, again!

SANDY

I’ve lost my appetite. I’m tired. I could hardly sleep a wink. Pirate snores. When he jumped on the bed this morning, I just about had a heart attack, a giant dog face in my face first thing in the morning. Ughh. Dog breath!

SOPHIE

LOUDLY ARGUING

Practically all the people on the island know him and love him. What’s wrong with taking care of Pirate? I going to keep him no matter what you say. I’ll get a California King size bed, no problemo!

SANDY

PISSED OFF

Did you see all the drool he shakes off, it’s disgusting. He needs to wear a bib. It will be all over the walls of my little house. He practically fills the hallway, and the living room carpet, there’s nowhere to move!

SOPHIE

That’s why James left us his farm. It’s much bigger. Pirate will enjoy being in his old haunt. I can’t wait, the farm is an exciting move. I already started clearing out the cupboards and I forgot to mention that I have a moving van ordered. I am going to the farm, without you. You can stick your little house (and not even our house after ten years with you) and your mean attitude where the sun doesn’t shine. I prefer the dog’s company anyway!

SANDY

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Gets up and starts to fold the chairs.

SOPHIE

Sophie unties the red balloon.

SANDY

SPEAKING IN A WHINY TONE

Sophie, you know I’m no good with big changes. I like our life the way it is. We are a pair of old crocks, how much time and energy do we have to take on Pirate and do all the other things James asked us t do in his will.

SOPHIE

Stands, hands-on-hips, CONFRONTATIONAL tone of voice.

You like our life the way it is, do you? Meaning; playing cards on Wednesday, watching Coronation Street, and sticking to your rules about not having anyone over for dinner? No foreign food, and what about sex? I don’t know what you are really afraid of Sandy, do you?

SANDY

Sandy picks up the package of fish and chips.

SOPHIE

Sophie GRABS them away from him.

SANDY

This conversation is impossible. I can’t eat these blasted fish and chips with sand sprinkled on them, this bloody dog nonsense has got me all wound up

SOPHIE

It’s you who is impossible. We have been live-in lovers for what 10 years now. Time to shake things up before I go senile from boredom I am moving to the farm with Pirate.

SANDY

SARCASTICALLY My dear you are 65 next month, be realistic. You aren’t going to find another man, especially not with that mutt hanging around.

SOPHIE

I’ll look for a new lover online, why not? And I am bored to death of with life the way it is, what a dreary prospect.

SANDY

HORRIFIED Sophie, are you leaving me for a dog? A drooling, farting fur on everything dog. You have really lost it this time!

SOPHIE

Yes, I’m leaving you for a life with Pirate, moving to the farm, and continuing James’ work with homeless youth, though I haven’t really got a clue about farming or homeless youth, I’ll learn as I go. It will be a new adventure.

Stay comfortable Sandy We have had a good 10 years but the zip has zapped, the fire has fizzled. If I am afraid of anything, it’s dying of boredom. Sorry, it’s really me, not you. TALKS SWEETLY TO PIRATE Pirate, would like Sandy’s fish and chips?

SANDY

Does this mean I don’t get any of the money?

EXT. BEACH/SUNSET

SOPHIE

Ignores Sandy, throws off her beach dress and runs into the shallows with her red balloon,and plays with Pirate.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s First Five Pages. Day 3

What I learned from this experience; This was really tough. I struggled with which opening to use. I was concerned about the rating of the movie and also would the opening be off-putting for parents?

I think the opening which initially I absolutely did not want to use, works well and glues the story web together better than before. This is a hard-edged opening and I am guessing that it would be PG while my last one would be FAMILY rated. I hope this will not mess up marketability.

EXT.YARMOUTH TOWN, UK/DAY

SOPHIE is an out-of-work actress, 60 ish. She makes some money baking cakes and selling herbs. She lives with Sandy her live-in lover of 10 years.

Sophie is bored to tears with Sandy and her aimless life.

On her walk into town, she sees what looks like a pile of garbage bags moving. It’s A teen aged boy, with a garbage bag of his clothes (dressed from head to foot in hot weather in black) collapsed in a heap.

He is covered in bites from bed bugs at the shelter, half-starved, and delirious from dehydration.

EXT.YARMOUTH TOWN, UK/DAY

SOPHIE

Sophie is walking into town. She is carrying shopping baskets full of baking and herbs for delivery. Sophie walks past the most upscale coffee shop in town (WELL DRESSED PATRONS CAN be SEEN IN THE WINDOW) She turns down a cobbled side street. Her attention is drawn to look at something mysterious. There is a pile of what looks like moving garbage bags. She stops and looks closer. TO HER HORROR, it’s an almost unconscious boy. lying on a couple of garbage bags fluttering in the breeze.

SOPHIE

Hey my friend, are you alright? I’m Sophie. What’s your name?

BOY

Lifts head barely

Bill, Bill.

Grunts coughs

SOPHIE

Sophie’s eyes widen as she sees the red welt of flea bites covering his arms.

Do you want water, I have some here?

BILL

Bill slumps back over.

SOPHIE

Are you alright, Bill, Bill, Oh my God! SCREAMS Help, help, anybody help?

MAN

Stops walking, looks at Bill and takes his cell phone out, and calls an ambulance.

SOPHIE

Throws down her bags and rolls Bill onto his back. She FRANTICALLY checks his pulse and his breathing, he is not breathing.

SOPHIE

Shit, he’s not breathing! Bill, Bill for God’s sake, Bill! Come on!

Come back!

She starts vigourous CPR..

A crowd is forming.

Sophie SHOUTS at the man who called the ambulance.

Where the hell is the ambulance, how fucking long does it take?

Sophie continues CPR, working up a sweat.

SIRENS BLARING in the background after what seems an age. The MEDICS jump out and start to work on Bill, taking over the CPR.

One of the medics starts filling a syringe with Naxolene. The other medic is hooking up the AED.

MEDIC 1

<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>STAND BACK, HANDS OFF!

TWO JUMPS of the AED NOTHING The Noxelene is injected. The medics try again, more CPR, and then one more jump start with the AED.

MEDIC 1

I am sorry, he’s gone. From the stuff in his bag, looks like a Fentanyl O.D.

That’s the third one this week.

MEDIC 2

From his wallet, looks like Bill was 17.

Gets the gurney, and the medics load him on and cover the body with a sheet.

SOPHIE

Sophie is standing there in shock and disbelief. She watches the ambulance leave. She walks over to the church wall, sits down, weeps, pulls out her cell phone, and calls SANDY.

SOPHIE

Struggling to talk.

Sandy, come and get me please, I am St.Agness outside on the wall.

SANDY

Can’t it wait? I’ve still got another 20 minutes of Coronation Street!

SANDY Is a retired teacher, in his late 60’s He paints dreary landscapes, no sales. Likes boring card games, meat and potatoes food, and watching Coronation Street.

SITUATION

A friend (JAMES) died and left the care of PIRATE, and a financial legacy with strings attached to his friends Sophie and Sandy

PIRATE Is a black and white Newfoundland dog. He has superpowers that Sandy and Sophie do not know about.

PIRATE is the littermate of ALFIE a dog with superpowers from the pilot SILENT NIGHT.

Alfie and Dylan (boy from Silent Night EPISODE 1) are trying to locate Alfie’s littermates. Alfie is sad and wants a reunion with Cocoa and Pirate.

SCENE

MUSIC UP

ACKER BILK STRANGER ON THE SHORE

ESTABLISHING/ARIAL/ FRESHWATER BAY CLIFFS/ THE NEEDLES /SUNNY DAY

EXT.FRESHWATER BAY BEACH, ISLE OF WIGHT UK/DAY

Sophie and Sandy are sitting in deck chairs in front of the Fresh From the Sea Fish and Chips van. Sophie has tied a red balloon to her chair.

SOPHIE

We need to have a chat Sandy.

SANDY

IRRITABLE TONE OF VOICE

There’s sand in my fish and chip dinner. Why did we have to come to the beach?

SOPHIE

It’s a lovely day, the fish and chips taste better at the beach and PIRATE needs his daily swim.

SANDY

It’s January for God’s sake! I would rather have had dinner at home! All this mucking about because of the bloody dog.

PIRATE

Pirate is busy swimming around in the water.

SOPHIE is eating her fish and chips ravenously, with gusto.

SOPHIE

It’s a balmy 10 degrees, I am going in for a splash about with Pirate, soon as I have finished my delish fish and chips just look at him, he’s having a lovely time. Pirate is magnificent, strong, and powerful I love watching him enjoy himself. He makes me happy, happier than I have been in ages.

SANDY wraps up his fish and chips, not eating, and places them on the beach blanket. Sulking.

SANDY

Turns to Sophie, and uses an AUTHORARATATIVE tone of voice.

You know Sophie, I am not at all keen on having this arrangement JAMES has left us in a sticky spot. I mean really Pirate is too much responsibility at our age. And let’s not forget some of the strings James attached.

SOPHIE

I am going in the water with him as soon as I have finished my yummy fish and chips. And I don’t think you are listening, again!

SANDY

WHINING

I’ve lost my appetite. I’m tired. I could hardly sleep a wink. Pirate snores. When he jumped on the bed this morning, I just about had a heart attack, a giant dog face in my face first thing in the morning. Ughh. Dog breath!

SOPHIE

Practically all the people on the island know him and love him. What’s wrong with taking care of Pirate? I going to keep him no matter what you say. I’ll get a California King size bed, no problemo.

SANDY

Did you see all the drool he shakes off, it’s disgusting. He needs to wear a bib. It will be all over the walls of our little house, my little house. He practically fills the hallway, and the living room carpet, there’s nowhere to move!

SOPHIE

ANGRY FED UP

That’s why James left us his farm. It’s much bigger. Pirate will enjoy being in his old haunt. I can’t wait, the farm is an exciting move. I already started clearing out the cupboards and I forgot to mention that I have a moving van ordered. I am going to the farm, without you. You can stick your little house (and not even our house after ten years with you) and your mean attitude where the sun doesn’t shine. I prefer the dog’s company anyway!

SANDY

Gets up and starts to fold the chairs. .

SOPHIE

Sophie unties the red balloon.

SANDY

WHINY TONE

Sophie, you know I’m no good with big changes. I like our life the way it is. We are a pair of old crocks, how much time and energy do we have to take on Pirate and do all the other things James asked us t do in his will.

SOPHIE

Stands, HANDS-ON -HIPS using a CONFRONTATIONAL tone

You like our life the way it is, do you? Meaning playing cards on Wednesday, watching Coronation Street, and sticking to your rules about not having anyone over for dinner? No foreign food, and what about sex? I don’t know what you are really afraid of Sandy, do you?

SANDY

Sandy picks up the package of fish and chips.

SOPHIE

Sophie GRABS them away from him.

SANDY

PISSED OFF-TONE

This conversation is impossible. I can’t eat these blasted fish and chips with sand all over, gross, and getting into my dentures! This bloody dog nonsense has got me all wound up!

SOPHIE

VERY ANGRY TONE

<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>SOD YOU AND YOUR BLOODY DENTURES! It’s you who is impossible! We have been live-in lovers for what 10 years now. Time to shake things up before I go senile from boredom I am moving to the farm with Pirate.

SANDY

CONDESCENDINGLY

My dear you are 65 next month, be realistic. You aren’t going to find another man, especially not with that mutt hanging around.

SOPHIE

I’ll look for a new lover online, why not? And I am bored to death of with life the way it is, what a dreary prospect.

SANDY

LOSES IT, ANGRY

Sophie, are you leaving me for a dog? A drooling, farting fur on everything dog. You have really lost it this time.

SOPHIE

Yes, I’m leaving you for a life with Pirate, moving to the farm, and continuing James’ work with homeless youth. I know nothing about farming or homeless youth. I’ll learn as I go. It’ll be a grand adventure!

Stay comfortable Sandy We have had a good 10 years but the zip has zapped, the fire has fizzled. If I am afraid of anything, it’s dying of boredom. Sorry, it’s really me, not you. Pirate, would like Sandy’s fish and chips?

SANDY

INCREDULOUS

Does this mean I don’t get any of the money?

EXT. BEACH/SUNSET

SOPHIE

Ignores Sandy, throws off her beach dress and runs into the shallows with her red balloon, and plays with Pirate.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s The First Ten Pages

What I learned from this assignment; This was a really eye-opening assignment. An epiphany of sorts. I realized that I have a default habit of writing in a linear fashion. The alternate openings gave me a way to jazz things up, and difficult choices. To shock or not to shock that is the question.

PIRATE written by Anna Harper

1. Instant Conflict Opening

The opening scene is with Sandy and Sophie are having a heated argument on the beach. Sandy and Sophie have inherited their deceased friend (James’s) fortune in exchange for moving to his farm, providing care for Pirate Jame’s dog, and continuing Jame’s legacy work of aiding young homeless people.

Sophie, an out-of-work aging actress, is all for change., a new adventure in life, she is excited by it. Sophie has nothing to lose, the relationship with Sandy has fizzled out, and she is bored,. She is willing to move to their deceased friend’s farm, take on community work with the homeless and care for their Jame’s giant dog. She knows next to nothing about farm life, caring for a huge dog, or having any contact with street people. She will do anything including ditching her partner/live-in lover Sandy, for a more exciting life.

Sandy wants the status quo; a typical cliche version of an older person’s retirement.They conclude the argument with Sophie announcing she has already ordered a moving van. Sandy is staying put.

3. The Shocking Opening

This opening is taken from later in the movie;

On her walk into town, Sophie sees what looks like a pile of garbage bags moving. It’s yet another boy, with a garbage bag of his clothes (dressed from head to foot in hot weather in black) collapsed in a heap.

He is covered in bites from bed bugs at the shelter, half-starved, and delirious from dehydration, he loses consciousness. Sophie calls an ambulance, waiting hysterically for the ambulance to arrive. She tries CPR, nothing. . The medics cannot rouse him, inject naloxone, AED, etc to no avail, he is dead. O.D. on fentanyl.

5. The VO that’s unusual

Opening V.O. with a telepathic conversation between Alfie (Pirate’s littermate and hero) from Silent Night (pilot) and Dylan, (the boy Alfie rescued and came to live with.) They are having a secret meeting in the kitchen using Dylan’s Dad’s computer while Dad is asleep. Dylan finds Alfie’s littermate Pirate through a Facebook group for Newfi dogs. Then Alfie tries something remarkable using his superpowers of telepathic communication to dial in his littermate Pirate. The littermates plan a reunion.

6. The unique character

PIRATE

Montage. Pirate is dragging a swimmer, who has got into trouble in the water, out onto the beach, and rolls the victim onto his front, (spitting water out.) People are cheering him on. Pirate accompanies Sophie walking through town, talking to homeless youth, and helping Sophie to make connections. Pirate is sleeping beside Chris the first lad at the farm, who is minus a leg due to septicemia. Camera work will establish, through the use of light effects, that Pirate’s superpower, is a ‘healer’ dog.

9. Intriguing scene from another place in the movie

The police arrive at the farm in the dead of night. Sirens and lights. One of the boys has got himself caught dealing drugs. He is part of a larger gang conspiracy to recruit vulnerable youth and impose control on the boy’s families as a way of networking drug dealing outside of the larger cities to smaller towns. In reality, It’s a well know scheme called The Cuckoo’s Nest. Sophie questions her capacity to deal with everything from the death of a street youth and lads who live at the farm and their drug dealing ways.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Loves This Opening

What I learned from this assignment; the importance of setting the pace and tone of the movie, putting the audience right into the thick of it, and the amazing use of atmosphere to set us up for a MYSTERY genre movie. Where are we and what just happened?

my comments ARE AT THE BOTTOM AFTER THE SCRIPT

LOST

Written by Jeffrey Lieber J. J. Abrams Damon Lindelof

LOST
“Pilot”
ACT ONE
1 OVER BLACKNESS, MUSIC. OMINOUS AND FOREBODING. THEN, OUT OF 1
THE DARKNESS, A SINGLE WORD. FLOATING IN SPACE, OUT OF
FOCUS, TOWARD THE CAMERA. AS IT APPROACHES IT COMES INTO FOCUS,
BUT IT’S SHARP ONLY FOR A BRIEF MOMENT:
LOST
AS IT NEARS US IT AGAIN LOSES FOCUS — AND AS WE MOVE THROUGH
THE “O” OUR MUSIC CRESCENDOS, THEN STOPS ABRUPTLY AS WE CUT
TO:
2 A MAN’S EYE 2
EXTREME CLOSEUP. Open wide. The man’s skin wet, speckled
with soil and flecks of blood. His breathing CLOSELY MIKED —
erratic. This man’s in shock. The SOUNDS of INSECTS and
ANIMALS other-worldly. A blink.
Then, the REVERSE ANGLE: staring up hundreds of BAMBOO
STALKS. Sunlight almost impenetrable through the dense
forest.
SLIGHTLY WIDER on the Man’s face as he stares upward,
disoriented, stunned. 40-years-old. Fit. In normal
circumstances, one glance would make you feel confident in
him. Trusting. But here, now, he’s the one in trauma.
His name is JACK.
Then, a RUSTLING SOUND — something COMING — it gets LOUDER
and Jack suddenly SNAPS his head to the side to see something
appear through the thick bamboo foliage —
A WHITE LABRADOR.
Collar. Tags. It stops abruptly, twenty feet away from
Jack, looking at him. And for the first time, we PULL BACK
TO A WIDE SHOT of the intense, alien-looking BAMBOO FOREST.
The dog just stares at Jack, who we now see wears a BUSINESS
SUIT and lies on his back, caught in broken bamboo stalks.
And Jack just stares back.
(CONTINUED)
http://www.pressexecute.com
It’s an odd tableau — man and dog looking at each other,
both entirely out of place…
Finally, the Lab turns and huffs back into the jungle,
disappearing in the claustrophobic bamboo — and Jack would
call out “Wait” if he could even think that clearly and he
turns to sit up and it’s a PAINFUL MOVE — he manages to
extricate himself from the plants — and while still on his
knees, he opens up his suit jacket to check out the source of
his pain. Something on his left side — but we’re so TIGHT
on his face that whatever he sees, we don’t. Yet.
His reaction to his wound is more disappointed than
terrified. He manages to get to his feet, feeling something
in his jacket pocket. He reaches in… and pulls out a
MINIATURE BOTTLE OF VODKA.
And we HOLD ON his face as he looks at it… considering…
his heart beginning to POUND, his fear growing, as does a
SOUND — a FRIGHTENING, ODD SOUND — something REVVING in the
distance — SOMETHING LOUD — and the horror of what he
suddenly understands far outweighs any physical pain. He
moves off —
3 EXT. BAMBOO FOREST – DAY 3
Jack moves as fast as he can through the THICK BAMBOO — and
as he goes there’s something that almost beckons to him — he
hurries through the thick growth, his determined eyes focused
on the thing he approaches — and as he gets closer to it, we
finally see it:
A WHITE TENNIS SHOE
Laces untied, caught mid-fall in a bamboo tree, hanging by a
branch, twelve feet above ground. He stops for a moment,
looks at it. Again: THE LOUD REVVING — but it’s CLOSER NOW –
– and suddenly the most important thing in the world is that
he get there and fast — so he’s moving now, even faster than
before — through a straight-away miracle path, he’s near
SPRINTING now — BREATHING QUICKLY, ERRATICALLY as he makes
his way —
4 EXT. BRUSH – DAY 4
— and now he’s running from bamboo into JUNGLE BRUSH —
thick still, but there’s some more sunlight and he’s almost
there and finally he bursts out of the brush onto —
5 EXT. BEACH – DAY 5
— and Jack runs up, finally stopping dead in an EXTREME
CLOSEUP.
2.
2 CONTINUED: 2
(CONTINUED)
http://www.pressexecute.com
He’s bathed in SUNLIGHT now — squinting at what he sees —
and we’re just on his eyes. HOLD ON HIM, in shock, until he
moves forward — and IN THE SAME SHOT, we PAN AS HE MOVES —
180 DEGREES UNTIL WE’RE BEHIND HIM, LOOKING OUT ON SOMETHING
ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIC. Only twenty yards away…
6 A PLANE CRASH ON THE BEACH 6
777 — PASSENGER AIRLINER — 250-Seater — the MIDDLE SECTION
of the fuselage PLOWED INTO THE SAND — one WING STICKING
STRAIGHT UP, TOWERING SEVEN STORIES INTO THE SKY, sporadic
SPARKS BURSTING FROM THE INVERTED ENGINE, showering down on
the absolute MAYHEM on the sand —
7 ANGLE 7
— and it is like a fucking WARZONE: scattered FIRES and
wreckage — DOZENS OF PEOPLE RUNNING ABOUT, some injured,
others not — they’re helping each other, SCREAMING — their
cries drowned out by the SOUND and WIND caused by the
ENORMOUS JET ENGINE — no, not the one on the wing pointing
upward — the other one — the one on the INVERTED WING, now
cracked off its brackets and resting at SAND LEVEL. And the
ENGINE STILL REVS — SPASTICALLY, ERRATICALLY — SPEWING
COOLANT and SPARKS and SUCKING IN SAND every time it
THROTTLES UP —
8 TIGHT ON JACK 8
as he takes this in, overwhelmed — knowing he’s part of it —
his eyes WELL UP in fear — sorrow — confusion — and he
turns to look for help —
9 ANGLE 9
— but what he sees… is nothing. His look spans 360
degrees: there’s only spectacular ocean, waves violently
CRASHING as far as a half mile from shore — a distant
coastline — then MOUNTAINS — jagged, 2000-foot high peeks —
a deep valley of JUNGLE — then his eyes are back on the
horror of the CRASH —
10 ANGLE 10
— where DOZENS OF LIVES are in the balance — and all at
once he knows that some — perhaps most — will die if he
doesn’t take action — and so he does —
11 EXT. CRASH SITE – DAY 11
Chaos. Terror. Smoke, fumes, fire — people desperately
trying to help each other — running, screaming — everything
happening at once —
3.
5 CONTINUED: 5
http://www.pressexecute.com
12 ANGLE 12
And amid the madness, the JET ENGINE MOMENTARILY REVS DOWN —
enough to HEAR A MAN’S SCREAM — Jack turns to the source: a
MAN is caught — STUCK UNDERNEATH two rows of airplane seats
— ten feet to the side of the malfunctioning engine —
Jack hurries across the insanity toward the man — flashpassing pieces of conversation as he runs —
KOREAN MAN
(searching for his wife)
— SUN!!! SUN!!!
MAN #1
— GET AWAY FROM THE GAS!!!
STAY OVER THERE!!!
WOMAN #2
— SHE WAS RIGHT HERE! I
DON’T KNOW!
MAN #2
I NEED SOME HELP! PLEASE–!
13 ANGLE 13
— Jack races past a pretty 20-year-old girl who we HOLD ON
for a moment — she just stands there, SCREAMING LIKE A
MOTHERFUCKER. We’ll meet her later.
14 ANGLE 14
Jack gets to the man stuck under the seats — he’s too close
to the terrifying, LOUD ENGINE — which is still so hot that
HEAT RIPPLES can be seen behind Jack — who sweats now as he
tries to LIFT THE ROW OF SEATS off the man —
With the DEAFENING VOLUME of the jet drowning out any
dialogue, we see Jack YELLING for TWO MEN close by (one of
them is LOCKE, 58, someone else we’ll get to know in a bit) —
they run over and help — and the three STRAIN HARD as they
lift the chair sections off — Jack then moves to the man —
whose leg BLEEDS SEVERELY.
Jack rips off his tie, and immediately goes to business the way
only a man with medical training could: he begins making a
TOURNIQUET, tying the injured man’s leg off —
15 ANGLE 15
As he ties the leg, Jack looks up to see a whole mess of
simultaneous emergencies — including a 60-year-old WOMAN in
a PEACH BLOUSE, who lies unconscious with a 30-year-old MAN
desperately trying to revive her —
16 WHIP PAN 16
across the beach of debris to a PREGNANT WOMAN, on her knee struggling to stand, but with no one to help —
4.
http://www.pressexecute.com
17 ANGLE 17
Jack then yells to the two men he’s with to take the
Tourniquet Man to safety — and Jack RUNS — OVER THE WING,
18 BEHIND THE MONSTROUS REVVING ENGINE — 18
over to the Australian Pregnant Woman (CLAIRE) — he helps
her up — helps her walk — but she stumbles again, strains:
CLAIRE
— I’m having contractions —
Jack helps her lie down–
JACK
— That’s not ideal… how many months
pregnant are you –?
CLAIRE
(crying)
— Almost eight months —
19 ANGLE 19
— and he glances up, checking on the unconscious 60-year-old
Woman in the peach blouse, the 30-year-old Man still trying
to revive her — though his eyes are there, he asks Claire:
20 ANGLE 20
JACK
— How far apart are they –?
CLAIRE
— I don’t know, a few of ’em just
happened —
21 AND WE CUT BACK 21
to the two Men, carrying Tourniquet Man away from —
22 THE LOUD ENGINE 22
— and they’re at a safe distance — that’s when ANOTHER MAN,
his back to us — someone we haven’t seen — runs past us,
just in front of the massive engine — just as it REVS FULL
BLAST — AND THE MAN GETS SUCKED INTO THE ENGINE AND JUST AS
HE HITS THE BLADES WE CUT BACK TO:
5.
http://www.pressexecute.com
23 JACK 23
With Claire as the engine EXPLODES in the distance behind
them — camera ROCKED, Claire SCREAMS, Jack COVERS Claire
with his body as debris falls — LITTERING THE SITE WITH
PIECES OF FIERY DEBRIS.
24 ANGLE 24
At least the HORRIBLE ENGINE NOISE IS GONE now — and with
Jack’s horrified face close to Claire’s, he forces himself to
appear calm — to his focus on her:
JACK
— listen to me– listen to me, you’re
gonna be okay — do you understand? But
you need to lie absolutely st–
CLAIRE
(suddenly, winces, scared)
— There — God, that’s a big one–
JACK
— Okay —
(looks up, calls out:)
YOU!
The random person who turns is a MAN — a large guy, more or
less frozen in terror — this is HURLEY.
JACK (CONT’D)
COME HERE!
HURLEY
— The — the plane crashed–
JACK
Yeah, I know — get over here!
And Hurley does — in this moment he might just follow anyone
anywhere — Jack rips off his watch, gives it to him:
JACK (CONT’D)
— I need you to get this
woman away from these fumes!
Take her over there!
— Then stay with her! Don’t
let her move! If her
contractions occur closer
than three minutes apart,
call out for me!
HURLEY
— Okay — okay–
— You gotta be kidding me —
6.
(CONTINUED)
http://www.pressexecute.com
JACK (CONT’D)
(with bedside manner, to
Claire)
I’ll be back soon.
CLAIRE
— Thank you —
Jack’s already up — Hurley calling out:
HURLEY
— Hey, what’s your name?!
And here it is, the first time we’ve heard it:
JACK
Jack!
And Hurley turns back to Claire, who says, crying:
CLAIRE
— I’m sorry —
Hurley quickly begins helping Claire up — and though
terrified, he tries to comfort her —
HURLEY
— Don’t be sorry — this wasn’t your
fault —
25 WITH JACK NOW 25
— as he runs to the unconscious 60-year-old Peach Blouse
Woman (ROSE) — immediately taking over for the 30-year-old,
whose name is BOONE:
JACK
— Stop — her head’s not
tilted far back enough —
you’re blowing air into her
stomach–
(as he does the work)
— You seriously need to
think about giving back that
license —
BOONE
— Are you sure? I’m a
lifeguard! I’m licensed!
And Jack’s performing it now on Rose the way it should be —
breath, breath, pump, pump, pump —
BOONE
That’s exactly what I was doing!
7.
24 CONTINUED: 24
http://www.pressexecute.com
26 ANGLE – HURLEY AND CLAIRE 26
As Hurley moves with Claire to an area on the other side of
the plane — Claire lying down again, in pain, on the sand.
27 ANGLE – JACK AND ROSE 27
As he keeps trying CPR on her — Boone watching —
BOONE
— Hey man, she’s still not breathing!
(then)
Maybe we need to do one of those hole
things — where you stick a pen in her
throat?
JACK
(just get the fuck outta here)
— Yeah, good idea — you go get me a
pen!
And Boone hurries off — Jack just relieved to be rid of
him, goes back to Rose — trying to bring her back — when
suddenly: WREEEEEEEEEEORRRRRR!!! — a LOUD METALLIC WHINE
which makes Jack TURN AROUND to look —
Dear God, it’s —
28 THE FUCKING WING 28
— THE 75-FOOT WING POINTING TOWARD GOD — IT’S ACTUALLY
BENDING AT THE FUSELAGE WHERE IT’S CRACKED — IT’S STOPPED
FOR THE MOMENT, BUT IT’S CLEAR: THIS THING IS MOMENTS AWAY
FROM CRASHING DOWN UPON THE SAND — WHIP PAN down to the sand
— WHERE HURLEY AND CLAIRE REST ON THE SAND, oblivious — and
in the direct path of the enormous metallic WING FULL OF FUEL
— HORRIFIED —
29 JACK WORKS ON THE WOMAN FASTER NOW 29
JACK
— Come on! Come on!
30 AND THE WING BENDS AGAIN — 30
about to go — a SHOT FROM ABOVE THE WING — FUEL SPRAYING
FROM IT —
31 JACK KEEPS PUMPING — PUMPING — 31
Suddenly ROSE GASPS FOR BREATH — horrified, disoriented, but
ALIVE —
8.
http://www.pressexecute.com
32 ANGLE 32
Seeing this, Jack’s already RUNNING NOW as the WING BENDS
AGAIN — CRACKS MORE — and as Jack runs he yells out:
JACK
MOVE! MOVE!
Hurley turns — sees Jack approach — Hurley’s confused:
HURLEY
You — you said don’t move!
JACK
GO, GET HER UP!!! NOW!!!
33 HURLEY TURNS — SEES THE WING — WEEEEEEEEEEEEORRRRRRR!!! 33
HURLEY SCREAMS AS THE WING STARTS TO GO — a LONG LENS SHOT
as JACK ARRIVES — GRABS THEM, PULLS THEM TO THEIR FEET AND
RUSHES THEM AWAY AS THE WING FALLS RIGHT BEHIND THEM LIKE A
TIPPING REDWOOD TREE —
34 — AND THE WING SMASHES TO THE GROUND 34
LANDING ON pieces of FIERY ENGINE DEBRIS and KA-BOOOOOOOM!!!
THE WING EXPLODES — AN ENORMOUS BLAST — pieces of FIERY
METAL RAIN EVERYWHERE —
35 JACK 35
instinctively protecting Claire, SCARED BUT DETERMINED —
JACK
— You okay?
She nods — fast —
JACK (CONT’D)
(to Hurley)
Stay with her.
HURLEY
(out of breath)
Dude, I’m not goin’ anywhere.
Jack gets up and moves off —
36 EXT. CRASH SITE – DAY 36
Now we’re LONG LENS as Jack walks through the wreckage scene
— amid smoldering piles of debris, and People helping each
other.

Things seem to finally be calming down. JACK SCANS THE AREA 37
looking to make sure there’s nothing that needs an urgent
response. He finds one MAN, 45 in a suit, who lies on the
ground, unconscious. BLEEDING BADLY from the head. Jack
pulls open the Man’s jacket — TO REVEAL A PIECE OF METAL
SHRAPNEL STUCK INTO HIS STOMACH.
Seeing this, Jack’s eyes go flush with concern. He checks
SHRAPNEL MAN’s pulse — pulls open his eyelids. Jack
delicately removes the man’s jacket, drapes it over him,
forming a makeshift BLANKET. Jack turns to the ripped-open
end of the fuselage — where first class and the cockpit
would normally be —
38 INT. FUSELAGE – DAY 38
INSIDE the fuselage, looking out, the tumultuous OCEAN framed
by this giant shattered aluminum tube. It’s a disorienting
shot since the plane is BANKED ON ITS SIDE. At this angle,
SEATS are on a SIDE WALL, the wreckage-strewn floor actually
a long row of windows.
And Jack appears, looking into the fuselage — and we PUSH IN
ON HIM. What Jack sees — despite his ER training — sickens
him. Then Boone arrives, urgent, holding a HANDFUL OF PENS.
BOONE
— I didn’t know which one would work best.
For a long beat, Jack’s eyes don’t leave the fuselage.
Finally he looks at Boone. And the pens. And tears well in
Jack’s eyes — the whole experience finally catching up to
him. Jack takes all of the pens, saying, softly,
emotionally, kindly:
JACK
…They’re all good. Thanks…
And Jack walks off, past Boone, who turns, watching Jack go.
39 EXT. BEACH – DAY 39
A fifty-yard distance from the wreckage, a fellow survivor
stands here, staring almost angrily at the wrecked plane.
He’s 35, handsome, with a cocky, self-centered vibe. And
he’s smoking. Meet SAWYER.
A few others recover about here — including another Man, who
approaches. 25. English rocker. Self-deprecating —
somewhere between an adult and a child. This is CHARLIE.
These two have never spoken.
10.

MY COMMENTS ON THE OPENING OF LOST

st Page provocative opening

The first page establishes the tone of the first act.

FAST/CHAOTIC/EMOTIONAL

The first page is highly descriptive of the environment[BAMBOO FOREST) and the experience of a traumatized main character JACK.

Excellent opening in my opinion because; it causes us to experience the disorientation, and the strain of Jack to make sense of where he is and what is going on.

The use of sound and no sound enhances the scene. The pace of the scene fast, struggling, creates a sense of urgency. We are running through the bamboo forest with JACK.

TWIST

JACK does not know where he is running to or why, though he is drawn to the noise, then he sees a tennis shoe and the reality of what has happened pierces his awareness. He runs and suddenly he is out of the bamboo forest, then jungle, and onto a beach. The use of camera work is, close-up on JACK’s second shock as he sees the plane crash on the beach. the camera work throughout emphasizes the drama.

5th to 10th Page

The scene, and JACK’S response (doctor/helper/rescuer), is as one of a battle MASH unit. “a fucking war zone”

Bodies, injured people, a woman he brings back from the dead with CPR,, and a man, who just escapes in time as the engine explodes with the help of JACk and other passengers. By now we understand that some people have survived and that JACK evidenced by his skills and interventions is a doctor.

People are running, there is a pregnant woman in labour. The FAST pace and the chaos of a disaster permeate every element of the scene.

Before the 10th page we understand that this is a disaster, a crashed plane on a beach God knows where, We understand that JACK is the hero, that he is recruiting and recruiting helpers, and that the drama is ongoing, playing out with discoveries of trapped bodies, hysterical people, and a woman about to give birth on a beach prematurely.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

REQUEST FOR FEED BACK PLEASE

Anna’s Great Endings Day 9

ACT 1

First Draft FOR PIRATE sequel to SILENT NIGHT

SITUATION

A friend (JAMES) died and left the care of PIRATE, and a financial legacy with strings attached to his friends Sophie and Sandy

SOPHIE is a 65-year-old out-of-work actress. She makes a little money baking cakes and selling herbs. She lives with SANDY

SANDY Is a retired teacher, in his late 60’s He paints dreary landscapes, no sales. Likes boring card games, meat, and potato food, and watching Coronation Street.

COLIN retired policeman, Sophie’s future conditional boyfriend

BAND of LOST BOYS

Street kids that Sophie takes in at the farmhouse she has just inherited.

PIRATE

The deceased (James) dog. Pirate is a Newfoundland with superpowers, he is a healer dog.

ALIFE Alfie is the first dog from SILENT NIGHT. (Episode 1 of 3 part series) He is a littermate of Pirate. He also has a superpower, telepathic communication. They are having a dog holiday at the farm.

1. SETUP: Give us a paragraph or two about the first two acts so
we’ll understand the story.

SCENE

MUSIC UP

ACKER BILK STRANGER ON THE SHORE

ESTABLISHING/ARIAL/ FRESHWATER BAY CLIFFS/ THE NEEDLES /SUNNY DAY

EXT.FRESHWATER BAY BEACH, ISLE OF WIGHT UK/DAY

Sophie and Sandy are sitting in deck chairs in front of the Fresh From the Sea Fish and Chips van. Sophie has tied a red balloon to her chair.

SOPHIE

We need to have a chat dear.

SANDY

There’s sand in my fish and chip dinner. Why did we have to come to the beach?

SOPHIE

It’s a lovely day, the fish and chips taste better at the beach and PIRATE needs his daily swim

SANDY

It’s January for God’s sake! I would rather have had dinner at home! All this mucking about because of the dog.

PIRATE

Pirate is busy swimming around in the water.

SOPHIE is eating her fish and chips ravenously, with gusto.

SOPHIE

It’s a balmy 10 degrees, I am going in for a splash about with Pirate, soon as I have finished my delish fish and chips just look at him, he’s having a lovely time. Pirate is magnificent, strong, and powerful I love watching him enjoy himself.

Really, Sandy, we have to talk it’s me, not you.

SANDY wraps up his fish and chips, not eating, and places them on the beach blanket. Sulking.

SANDY

Turns to Sophie, and uses an authoritative tone of voice.

You know Sophie, I am not at all keen on having this arrangement JAMES has left us in a sticky spot. I mean really Pirate is too much responsibility at our age. And let’s not forget some of the strings James attached.

SOPHIE

I am going in the water with him as soon as I have finished my yummy fish and chips. And I don’t think you are listening, again!

SANDY

I’ve lost my appetite. I’m tired. I could hardly sleep a wink. Pirate snores. When he jumped on the bed this morning, I just about had a heart attack, a giant dog face in my face first thing in the morning. Ughh. Dog breath!

SOPHIE

Practically all the people on the island know him and love him. What’s wrong with taking care of Pirate? I going to keep him no matter what you say. I’ll get a California King size bed, no problemo.

SANDY

Did you see all the drool he shakes off, it’s disgusting. He needs to wear a bib. It will be all over the walls of our little house. He practically fills the hallway, and the living room carpet, there’s nowhere to move!

SOPHIE

That’s why James left us his farm. It’s much bigger. Pirate will enjoy being in his old haunt. I can’t wait, the farm is an exciting move. I already started clearing out the cupboards and I forgot to mention that I have a moving van ordered.

SANDY

Speaking in a whiny tone of voice. Gets up and starts to fold the chairs. Sophie unties the red balloon.

Sophie, you know I’m no good with big changes. I like our life the way it is. We are a pair of old crocks, how much time and energy do we have to take on Pirate and do all the other things James asked us t do in his will.

SOPHIE

Stands, using a confrontational tone of voice

You like our life the way it is, do you? Mean playing cards on Wednesday, watching Coronation Street, and sticking to your rules about not having anyone over for dinner? No foreign food, and what about sex? I don’t know what you are really afraid of Sandy, do you?

SANDY

Sandy picks up the package of fish and chips. Sophie takes them away from him.

This conversation is impossible. I can’t eat these blasted fish and chips with sand sprinkled on them, this bloody dog nonsense has got me all wound up.

SOPHIE

It’s you who is impossible. We have been live-in lovers for what 10 years now. Time to shake things up before I go senile from boredom I am moving to the farm with Pirate.

SANDY

My dear you are 66 next month, be realistic. You aren’t going to find another man, especially not with that mutt hanging around.

SOPHIE

I’ll look for a new lover online, why not? And I am bored to death of with life the way it is, what a dreary prospect.

SANDY

Sophie, are you leaving me for a dog? A drooling, farting fur on everything dog. You have really lost it this time.

SOPHIE

Yes, I’m leaving you for a life with Pirate, moving to the farm, and continuing James’ work with homeless youth. Stay comfortable Sandy We have had a good 10 years but the zip has zapped, the fire has fizzled. am afraid of anything, it’s dying of boredom. Sorry, it’s really me, not you. Pirate, would like Sandy’s fish and chips?

SANDY

Does this mean I don’t get any of the money?

EXT. BEACH/SUNSET

SOPHIE

Ignores Sandy, throws off her beach dress and runs into the shallows with her red balloon, and plays with Pirate.

MUSIC UP

Hip Hop ‘Playing in the Waves’/Anna Harper

Sophie has dumped Colin and has moved to the farm with Pirate. She has met Colin online. They are getting along very well. Sophie is keeping him at arm’s length until she finds out if he is a good match for her work with youth, and most of all, that he is not a boring stuffed shirt.

Sophie has quickly found some of Jame’s (deceased) lost boys and has several of them living and working at the farm. It’s pretty chaotic.

Chris is the first lad she admitted. he is recovering from septicemia and has lost a leg due to infection. Pirate has superpowers, he is a healer dog, so he hangs out with Chris often.

Alfie( Pirates littermate and Dylan (a boy with problems) are at the farm for a dog holiday. Alfie’s superpower is that he is a telepathic dog.

PLOT POINT TWO

EXT.FARMHOUSE/NIGHT

Police cars roll up, lights and sirens wailing. Dogs start barking.

INT.FARMHOUSE KITCHEN/NIGHT

The boys have come down to see what is going on and witness, the police revealing to a horrified Sophie, that one of the boys has been selling drugs in town. He was caught out by an undercover policeman. Worse, he has been giving cocaine to Chris who is still very ill from septicemia. The boy is involved in a drug-running scheme known throughout the UK as COUNTY LINES. They use a technique called THE CUCKOO’S NEST.

INT.POLICE STATION INTERVIEW ROOM/NIGHT

Colin and Sophie talk in a nonthreatening/assuring way to the traumatized boy. He reveals that a drug gang member (from London) has taken up residence in his mother’s flat, (the Cuckoo’s Nest)he uses the flat as a base to lure other teens into dealing drugs.

The mother is on welfare and not doing well. She neglects her son; he was taken away by the child protection, he ran away, ended up on the streets, and was recruited by the Cuckoo.

Colin comes to the rescue devising a plan with his former colleagues to ensnare the drug pimp and use him in exchange for a ‘deal’ to catch others playing the “Cuckoo” game.

EXT.PARK/NIGHT

Alfie and Pirate are on hand when the Cuckoo tries to escape the police. The dogs take him down and scare the living daylights out of him.

CRISIS POINT

EXT.SIDE ALLEY OF UPSCALE COFFEE SHOP/DAY

Sophie is walking into town for shopping, Sophie sees what looks like a pile of garbage bags moving. It’s another boy, with a garbage bag of his clothes (dressed from head to foot in hot weather in black) collapsed in a heap.

Sophie tries to wake him. He is covered in bites from bed bugs at the shelter, half-starved, and delirious from dehydration.

Sophie calls an ambulance.

Sophie calls Colin on her cell to come and get her. She sits on an ancient church wall and weeps as the ambulance drives off.

INT. COLINS COTTAGE/DAY

Sophie is ready to give up, maybe her ideas are useless, maybe she doesn’t have the chops. She is exhausted.

Sophie uses Colin’s shoulder to cry on. She suggests they go away together.

NOTE (moving from ambivalence to a serious relationship)

CLIMAX

INT.LARGE FARMHOUSE KITCHEN/EVENING

Sophie is feeling the strain, she has an emergency meeting with the boys, it’s been a glorious few months, but she feels she has not been successful in helping the boys, not qualified enough. Sophie is feeling all in, emotionally, and physically. She opts to turn the farm over to the boys, and turn it into a co-op farm, with hired farm hands/drug counselors helping out. She begs their forgiveness and exits stage left.

The boys express regret, and secretly enjoy the prospect of agency and more freedom.

EXT. CANAL BANK/SUNNY DAY

Sophie and Colin walk along the canal bank to a barge.

The location is a stunning tree-lined canal with a Dutch barge waiting. It is decorated gypsy style.

EXT. TRAIN STATION/DAY

Dylan and Alfie head back on the train to Lyme Regis village. Alfie tells Dylan he wants to complete his search for the last of his littermates, Cocoa.

MONTAGE

EXT.FARM/DAY

Boys attempting to ride horses

Boys feeding the chickens, finding eggs

Rambunctious wheelbarrow races,

Boys cooking burning the dinner,

music practice in the barn,

Boys cleaning the toilets

Pigs run off down the road,

EXT.FARMHOUSE/NIGHT

Pirate catches the boys trying to climb out of the window at night,

and chases them back

MONTAGE CONT

EXT.TOWN STREET/NIGHT

A young person sleeping on the town street passed out, it’s raining, he is under a shop doorway with his legs protruding into the rain. He is oblivious, people walk by. Street musicians stop singing and leave the scene. People leave the supermarket with bags of groceries, ignoring the kid on the street.

FINAL SCENE/ RESOLUTION

EXT.BARGE DECK/SUNNY DAY

Sophie and Colin are chilling on the beautiful canal boat deck, chugging along the canal waterway, and drinking martinis. Sophie looks at Colin and BEAT

SOPHIE

I just have to have a quick call to the farm.

COLIN

Just stop that for a New York minute. Why are you doing this Sohpie, it has dam near made you sick with exhaustion and you were so depressed after the Incident with the half-dead boy in the alley? Why do you want this? Why can’t we just go on chilling and enjoying ourselves? Like regular old people?

SOPHIE I love the boys is one reason, the other is I’m afraid I’m going to die. I’m afraid I’ll die and I won’t have made a difference.

COLIN You mean you need a reason to get out of bed in the morning?

SOPHIE Yes, not just falling into another routine of selfish indulgence, preoccupied with the small things, instead of making the world a better place, I want to do the big things. You know, before we croak and on go on a permanent vacay!

COLIN So hanging out with me and doing cool stuff is not enough for you? So bingo’s not on your agenda then?

SOPHIE. Laughing

I’m thinking about pushing you overboard right now!

I love hanging out with you, but if you want to hang out with me, I’m going back to the boys and the farm.

I’ll croak with my boots on the ground thank you.

The holiday with the canal boat is super cool, but the cool is wearing off. I’m getting bored. I want to get back to the gritty stuff.

COLIN

Do you want another champagne cocktail, in celebration of our return?

SOPHIE

So do you want to come back with me?

COLIN

What are you doing?

SOPHIE

I can’t stand it any longer, it’s been a month. Just a quick call to see if they have burned the house down.

INT.DYLAN AND ALFIE’S COTTAGE LYME REGIS/NIGHT

Alfie and Dylan are looking at the computer.

DYLAN

I’ve found Cocoa. She’s in Birmingham. I’ll get my Dad to take us there.

ALIFE

Barking, tail wagging acting happy and giddy

CREDITS

FINAL IMAGE

EXT.BEACH NEXT TO FARM/DAY

The boys and Pirate are playing on the beach. Sophie and Colin are sitting in deck chairs, then walk to paddle in the sea with the boys.

F.O

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Parting Words and Visuals Day 8

What I learned from this assignment; this gave me the opportunity to re-work all the various components so far in this segment. I am happy with the substance and the balance of the nature of the script after this rework.

MAKING SENSE OF THE ASSIGNMENT BACKSTORY/CHARACTERS

LEAD CHARACTERS

SOPHIE out-of-work actress, ’60s, inherits a legacy with strings attached.

Her live-in boyfriend of 10 years SANDY not thrilled refuses to take on the terms of the will. The will asks for the continued care of Pirate, the deceased’s dog, continuing with his service work to homeless youth, and living at his farm to accommodate Pirate.

Sophie dumps Sandy and heads off for a new life on the farm. She now works with homeless youth at the farm.

COLIN retired policeman teaches Sophie’s boys guitar and self-defense.

He is Sophie’s new trial, boyfriend.

PIRATE

The deceased (James) dog. Pirate is a Newfoundland with superpowers, he is a healer dog.

ALIFE

Alfie is the first dog from SILENT NIGHT. (Episode 1 of 3 part series) He is a littermate of Pirate. He also has a superpower, telepathic communication.

Alfie’s human, Dylan a 13-year-old boy with problems. He helped Alfie locate his littermate Pirate. They are all enjoying a holiday at the farm.

THE LOST BOYS

A group of homeless teenage boys who now live at the farm.

This is an outline of the back story from the mid point on. (In order to make sense of the final scene)

EXT.FARMHOUSE/NIGHT

Police cars roll up, lights and sirens wailing. Dogs start barking.

INT.FARMHOUSE KITCHEN/NIGHT

The boys have come down to see what is going on and witness, the

police revealing to a horrified Sophie, that one of the boys has been selling drugs in town. He was caught out by an undercover policeman. Worse, he has been giving cocaine to Chris who is still very ill from septicemia. The boy is involved in a drug-running scheme known throughout the UK as COUNTY LINES. They use a technique called THE CUCKOO’S NEST.

INT.POLICE STATION INTERVIEW ROOM/NIGHT

Colin and Sophie talk in a nonthreatening/assuring way to the traumatized boy. He reveals that a drug gang member (from London) has taken up residence in his mother’s flat, (the Cuckoo’s Nest)he uses the flat as a base to lure other teens into dealing drugs.

The mother is on welfare and not doing well. She neglects her son; he was taken away by the child protection, he ran away, ended up on the streets, and was recruited by the Cuckoo.

Colin comes to the rescue devising a plan with his former colleagues to ensnare the drug pimp and use him in exchange for a ‘deal’ to catch others playing the “Cuckoo” game.

EXT.PARK/NIGHT

Alfie and Pirate are on hand when the Cuckoo tries to escape the police. The dogs take him down and scare the living daylights out of him.

EXT.SIDE ALLEY OF UPSCALE COFFEE SHOP/DAY

On her walk into town, Sophie sees what looks like a pile of garbage bags moving. It’s another boy, with a garbage bag of his clothes (dressed from head to foot in hot weather in black) collapsed in a heap.

Sophie tries to wake him. He is covered in bites from bed bugs at the shelter, half-starved, and delirious from dehydration.

Sophie calls an ambulance.

Sophie calls Colin on her cell to come and get her. She sits on an ancient church wall and weeps as the ambulance drives off.

INT. COLINS COTTAGE/DAY

Sophie is ready to give up, maybe her ideas are useless, maybe she doesn’t have the chops. She is exhausted.

Sophie uses Colin’s shoulder to cry on. She suggests they go away together.

NOTE (moving from ambivalence to a serious relationship)

All of the assignment requirements are answered. The unspoken, solving the puzzle,

and what is the movie about?

FINAL PAGE PARTING WORDS AND VISUALS

INT.LARGE FARMHOUSE KITCHEN/EVENING

Sophie is feeling the strain, she has an emergency meeting with the boys and opts to turn the farm over to the boys, turn it into a co-op farm, with a couple of hired hands/drug counselors helping out.

The boys express regret, and secretly enjoy the prospect of agency and more freedom.

EXT. CANAL BANK/SUNNY DAY

Sophie and Colin walk along the canal bank to a barge.

The location is a tree-lined canal with a Dutch barge waiting. It is decorated gypsy style.

EXT. TRAIN STATION/DAY

Dylan and Alfie head back on the train to Lyme Regis village. Alfie tells Dylan he wants to complete his search for the last of his littermates, Cocoa.

MONTAGE

EXT.FARM/DAY

Boys attempting to ride horses

Boys feeding the chickens, finding eggs

Rambunctious wheelbarrow races,

Boys cooking burning the dinner,

music practice in the barn,

Boys cleaning the toilets

Pigs run off down the road,

EXT.FARMHOUSE/NIGHT

Pirate catches the boys trying to climb out of the window at night,

and chases them back

MONTAGE CONT

EXT.TOWN STREET/NIGHT

A young person sleeping on the town street passed out, it’s raining, he is under a shop doorway with his legs protruding into the rain. He is oblivious, people walk by. Street musicians stop singing and leave the scene. People leave the supermarket with bags of groceries, ignoring the kid on the street.

EXT.BARGE DECK/SUNNY DAY

Sophie and Colin are chilling on the beautiful boat deck, chugging along the canal waterway, and drinking martinis. She looks at Colin and BEAT

SOPHIE

I just have to have a quick call to the farm.

COLIN

Just stop that for a New York minute. Why are you doing this Sohpie, it has dam near made you sick with exhaustion and you were so depressed after the Incident with the half-dead boy in the alley? Why do you want this? Why can’t we just go on chilling and enjoying ourselves? Like regular old people?

SOPHIE I love the boys is one reason, the other is I’m afraid I’m going to die. I’m afraid I’ll die and I won’t have made a difference.

COLIN You mean you need a reason to get out of bed in the morning?

SOPHIE

Yes, not just falling into another routine of selfish indulgence, preoccupied with the small things, instead of making the world a better place, I want to do the big things. You know, before we croak and on go on a permanent vacay!

COLIN

So hanging out with me and doing cool stuff is not enough for you? So bingo’s not on your agenda then?

SOPHIE.

Laughing

I’m thinking about pushing you overboard right now!

I love hanging out with you, but if you want to hang out with me, I’m going back to the boys and the farm.

I’ll croak with my boots on the ground thank you.

The holiday with the canal boat is super cool, but the cool is wearing off. I’m getting bored. I want to get back to the gritty stuff.

COLIN

Do you want another champagne cocktail, in celebration of our return?

SOPHIE

So do you want to come back with me?

COLIN

What are you doing?

SOPHIE

I can’t stand it any longer, it’s been a month. Just a quick call to see if they have burned the house down.

INT.DYLAN AND ALFIE’S COTTAGE LYME REGIS/NIGHT

Alfie and Dylan are looking at the computer.

DYLAN

I’ve found Cocoa. She’s in Birmingham. I’ll get my Dad to take us there.

ALIFE

Barking, tail wagging acting happy and giddy

CREDITS

EXT.BEACH NEXT TO FARM/DAY

The boys and Pirate are playing on the beach. Sophie and Colin are sitting in deck chairs, then walk to paddle in the sea with the boys.

F.O.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Final Page Day 7

ONE LAST GESTURE

NT.LARGE FARMHOUSE KITCHEN/EVENING

ONE MONTH LATER

The boy who overdosed survived and is coming to the farm to finish recovering. Colin and Sophie are feeling the strain, they have an emergency meeting with the boys and opt to turn the farm over to the boys, turning it into a co-op farm, with a couple of hired hands snd addiction counselors helping out. Colin and Sophie are leaving to consider their future and take an indefinite vacation.

The boys express regret, they acknowledge they have been challenging, though they love the place and are having a good time, it feels like a real home.

They talk about the shock effect of the overdose and vow to stay on the straight and narrow. and secretly comment on enjoying the prospect of agency and more freedom.

Chris vows to take the new kid under his wing. The other boys agree to fully co-operate and play their part. Pirate is told his new job is to shadow the new boy and sleep by his side.

.

V.O, Pirate

He won’t be able to resist my superpowers. He is going to experience dog healing! I hope I get extra biscuits Maybe I should try Alfie’s trick and blow him away with telepathic communication. That should get his attention.

EXT. CANAL BANK/SUNNY DAY

Sophie and Colin walk along the canal bank

The location is a tree-lined canal with a Dutch barge waiting. for Colin and Sophie. It is decorated gypsy style.

EXT. TRAIN STATION/DAY

Dylan and Alfie head back on the train to Lyme Regis village. Alfie tells Dylan he wants to complete his search for the last of his littermates, Cocoa.

MONTAGE

EXT.FARM/DAY

Boys attempting to ride horses

Boys feeding the chickens, finding eggs

Rambunctious wheelbarrow races,

Boys cooking burning the dinner,

Music practice in the barn, no Colin to teach them, frustration.

Unhappy boys cleaning the toilets

Pigs run off down the road,

EXT.FARMHOUSE/NIGHT

Pirate catches the boys trying to climb out of the window at night,

and chases them back

EXT.TOWN STREET/NIGHT

A young person sleeping on the town street passed out, it’s raining, he is under a shop doorway with his legs protruding into the rain. He is oblivious, people walk by. Street musicians stop singing and leave the scene. People leave the supermarket with bags of groceries.

EXT.BARGE DECK/SUNNY DAY

Sophie and Colin are chilling on the beautiful boat deck, chugging along the canal waterway, and drinking martinis. She looks at Colin and BEAT

SOPHIE

I can’t stand it any longer, it’s been a month. I just have to have a quick call and see if they haven’t burned the place down yet. Picks up her cell phone.

COLIN

Oh no! Here we go again. I’m right here babe, whatever you decide.

INT.DYLAN’S COTTAGE LYME REGIS/NIGHT

Alfie and Dylan are looking at the computer.

DYLAN

I’ve found Cocoa.

CREDITS

EXT.BEACH NEXT TO FARM/DAY

The boys and Pirate are playing on the beach

[anna harper]

The Life of Pirate written by anna Harper

What I learned from this assignment; It was challenging to tell a difficult story without being on the nose. I hope I have woven enough humor with the boy’s antics and the dogs to cushion the difficult nature of the story.

Act 3

Largely based on real events

The Cuckoo’s Nest

Police reveal to a horrified Sophie, that one of her boys has been selling drugs in town. He was caught out by an undercover policeman. Worse he has been giving cocaine to Chris who is still very ill from septicemia. Sophie attends at the police station. RULE 5

not sure if this is too on the nose.

(This is a late at night surprise visit to the farm from the police, lights, and sirens.

Sophie has some trust built with the young boy questioned at the police station. (Another boy she found on the street) He reveals that a drug gang member (from London) has taken up residence in his mother’s flat, he uses the flat as a base to lure other teens into dealing drugs.

The mother is on welfare and not doing well. She neglects her son; he was taken away by the child protection, he ran away, ended up on the streets, and was recruited by the Cuckoo.

(location the local police station)

Colin comes to the rescue devising a plan with his former colleagues to ensnare the drug pimp and use him in exchange for a ‘deal’ to catch others playing the “Cuckoo” game. RULE 5 (Could be on the nose however I am choosing to take this risk.)

Alfie and Pirate are on hand when the Cuckoo tries to escape. The dogs take him down and scare the living daylights out of him. (Could be cliche, however, I think the audience will be cheering for the dogs,)

(location local park at night)

Chris has a relapse and almost dies. Pirate finds him on the floor and barks his head off to get help for Chris.

( location at the farm, in the horse barn) RULE 5 may be too on the nose

(location Colin’s place is a Cornish fisherman’s cottage on the seafront)

Sophie is ready to give up, maybe her ideas are useless, maybe she doesn’t have the chops. She is exhausted.

Sophie uses Colin’s shoulder to cry on. She suggests they go away together.

(moving from ambivalence to a serious relationship)

On her walk into town, she sees what looks like a pile of garbage bags moving. It’s another boy, with a garbage bag of his clothes (dressed from head to foot in hot weather in black) collapsed in a heap. RULE 5 Too on the nose

(location outside up a cobbled side street, beside an upscale coffee shop)

He is covered in bites from bed bugs at the shelter, half-starved, and delirious from dehydration. Sophie calls an ambulance.

Then Sophie calls Colin on her cell to come and get her. She sits on an ancient church wall and weeps as the ambulance drives off. RULE 5 too on the nose

Location Farm kitchen

Sophie is feeling the strain, she has an emergency meeting with the boys and opts to turn the farm over to the boys, turn it into a co-op farm, with a couple of hired hands/drug counselors helping out. The boys express regret, and secretly enjoy the prospect of agency and more freedom.

SHOT

Sophie and Colin walk along the canal bank to a barge.

The location is a tree-lined canal with a Dutch barge waiting. It is decorated gypsy style.

Dylan and Alfie head back on the train to Lyme Regis village. Alfie tells Dylan he wants to complete his search for the last of his littermates, Cocoa.

MONTAGE of happy scenes with the boys at the farm, riding the horses, feeding the chickens, wheelbarrow races, the boys doing responsible things cooking and cleaning, a scene of burning the dinner, music practice in the barn, the pigs run off down the road, and Pirate catches the boys trying to leave at night and chases them back. FINAL MONTAGE SHOT of a young person sleeping on the town street passed out, it’s raining, he is under a shop doorway with his legs protruding into the rain. He is oblivious, people walk by. Street musicians stop singing and leave the scene. People leave the supermarket with bags of groceries. RULE 5 (could be on the nose, will take the risk)

CUT TO

Sophie and Colin are chilling on the beautiful boat deck, chugging along the canal waterway, and drinking martinis. She looks at Colin and BEAT

SOPHIE

I just have to have a quick call and see if they haven’t burned the place down yet. Picks up her cell phone. I can’t stand not knowing what they are up to.

COLIN

Here we go again.

Final shot

CUT TO

Dylan’s cottage kitchen. (from Silent Night)

Alfie and Dylan are looking at the computer.

DYLAN

I’ve found Cocoa.

FINAL LOCATION CHOICES For Sophie and Colin. Thought about typical cliche locations, Spain, France, Portugal. Thought about extreme locations like Patagonia or an elephant sanctuary.

Discarded extreme locations as Sophie is exhausted, not feasible. Everyone escapes to tourist destinations like Spain etc. and decided on the canal boat as more unique.

3 Things that keep them guessing the third Act

What will Sophie do? Will she stay, will she go, will she come back?

What will happen to Colin and Sophie’s arm’s length relationship?

What will the boys do, and how will they make out with the new developments? Will they learn anything?

Will Dylan and Alfie find Cocoa?

[anna harper]

DAY 5 POWERFUL SETUPS

What I learned doing this assignment. I learned that I could do it. Last assignment I was losing confidence. My work seemed terrible, banal. Going through the steps provided and building emotion worked this time.

Note to a reader, should I be so fortunate.

Based on real events;

The boys mentioned in the story are real-life street kids that I encountered working ‘at large’ in the community with the homeless. The 3rd Act The Cuckoos Nest is a real drug dealing structure that exists in the U.K. Unfortunately everything else is fantasy, mostly.

THE LIFE OF PIRATE written by Anna Harper

Pirate is the second of a 3 part screenplay. Pirate is one of three Newfoundland dogs in the series with superpowers. Alfie from the first movie SILENT NIGHT is telepathic, Pirate is a healer, and then there’s Cocoa, yet to be written. Alfie’s goal is to find his littermates.

1st Act

Sets up the story world, the characters, and their challenges. Sophie leaves her boyfriend Sandy of ten years to take the exciting challenge of living on a farm as a condition of a legacy left by their friend James.

Part of the conditions is that the farm is used and that Pirate his Newfoundland is taken care of. (Pirate has superpowers, he is a powerful healer)

It all sounds great until Sandy takes Sophie to court to try and get the terms of the will overturned so he can benefit financially.. Part of the conditions of the will is that James’s work with street youth is continued in some way. Sophie an out-of-work actress has no idea what this means or how she could go about doing the work. UNTIL

Sophie finds Chris outside Marks and Spencer in the hot sun, he is late teens and has already lost a leg to septicemia, he is still actively taking drugs.

He has nowhere to stay. Sophie takes Chris to recover at the farm.,Pirate hangs out with Chris. Pirate has a healing effect on Chris. Sophie gives Chris a responsible job. It works out. For a while. Chris is the first boy at the farm, so the adjustment is weird. More homeless youth come to the farm.

2nd Act

Sophie takes the bull by the horns and meets objections every step of the way. Her new team of teens runs her ragged, yet quickly are won over by her., mostly with good food and sympathy. She is still naive.

The boys are not sure about her new boyfriend, (neither is Sophie) a retired policeman. The boys are still up to trouble. Colin wins them over by teaching them self-defense and guitar.

Alfie (from Silent Night No 1 in the 3-part series), comes to the farm and is reunited with his littermate Pirate. Alfie stays for a while on a dog holiday. Alfie and Pirate run interference when they find the boys up to various things they should not be up to. Alfie and Pirate rescue one of the boys from drowning at a local beach. Sophie thinks she is winning with the positive publicity, BUT

The council does not think the farmhouse is suitable, they want to close it down. She uses some of the inheritance money to build a bunk house for the boys. And then wonders how will they make more sustaining funds?

Sophie and Sandy have a court appearance. The Judge has retired to consider.

The neighbors complain about having troubled youth in the vicinity. Sophie holds a meeting and addresses all of their concerns. She gains some support when some of the parents talk about their parenting challenges.

That night, the police show up at the farm and of course, the village locals get wind that there is trouble which feeds the dissenters of the Youth Project. They continue lobbying to get the farm shut down.

Act 3

The Cuckoo’s Nest

The police reveal to a horrified Sophie, that one of her boys has been selling drugs in town. He was caught out by an undercover policeman. Worse he has been giving cocaine to Chris who is still very ill from septicemia

Sophie has some trust built with the boy in question. He reveals that a drug gang member has taken up residence in his mother’s flat, he uses the flat as a base to lure other teens into dealing drugs. The mother is on welfare and not doing well. Neglects her son, he was taken away by the child protection, he ran away, ended up on the streets, and was recruited by the Cuckoo.

Colin comes to the rescue and they devise a plan to ensnare the drug pimp and use him in exchange for a ‘deal’ to catch others playing the “Cuckoo” drug game.

Alfie and Pirate are on hand when the Cuckoo tries to escape. The dogs take him down and scare the living daylights out of him.

Chris has a relapse and almost dies. Pirate finds him on the floor and barks his head off to get help for Chris.

Sophie is ready to give up, maybe her ideas are useless, maybe she doesn’t have the chops. She is exhausted.

On her walk into town, she sees what looks like a pile of garbage bags moving. It’s another boy., collapsed in a heap. He is covered in bites from bed bugs at the shelter, half-starved, and delirious from dehydration. Sophie calls an ambulance.

Sophie is feeling the strain and opts to turn the farm over to the boys, with a couple of hired hands/drug counselors helping out. Sophie heads off to recover, maybe retire on a canal boat. Pirate stays behind to care for the boys. And Alfie goes home to his village with Dylan to continue the search to find his final litter mate Cocoa.

What will they get up to?

Montage of happy scenes with the boys at the farm and a final shot of a young person sleeping on the street passed out, it’s raining, he is under a shop doorway with his legs protruding into the rain. He is oblivious, people walk by. Street musicians stop singing and leave the scene. People leave the supermarket with bags of groceries.

CUT TO

Sophie is chilling on the boat deck. She looks at Colin and says “I just have to have a quick call and see if they haven’t burned the place down yet. Picks up her cell phone.

COLIN

Here we go again.

Final shot

CUT TO

Dylan’ cottage. Alfie and Dylan are looking at the computer.

Dylan

I’ve found Cocoa.

[anna harper]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Anna Harper’s Kick-Ass Endings

What I learned; If I haven’t got a magical ending, the movie will fall flat. The endings I have turned in are OK, but I am not feeling the jazz entirely with any of them yet. Maybe with more detail, it will help. I have used the concept of doing the ending first before, and it did work and helped me get through writer’s block.

The Ultimate Confrontation

Sandy (Antagonist) has asked his friend, a Mason and a lawyer, to represent him in court to assert his claim to half of James’s legacy.

If he wins, the farm and the training center, housing for street youth, will be lost. Sandy vehemently opposes the use of the farm in this way. And he wants the legacy money.

He must be stopped at all costs as additionally, he dislikes Pirate (the reason for the legacy/inheritance.

Unknown to either Sandy or his friend, the sitting judge has been changed. The new judge is a Grand Master Mason, who does not approve of the challenge to the will, which cannot be supported in law, and dismisses the case. The whole community is there to support Sophie’s claim as are the youth in her care.
Pirate is in court and barks his approval.

Return Home, Only It’s Different

Sophie has allowed Sandy to come and experience a week at the farm. The subtext is, can their relationship work?

Sandy spends his week trying his hand at everything and to his surprise enjoys himself, and the teenagers. Pirate is still a challenge to him, but life seems very different and happy on the farm and Sandy is glad to be back with Sophie.

Sophis is not so sure. She keeps her distance and decides she has changed too much to live with stuffy Sandy. There is no chemistry there for Sophie.

At the end of the week, Sophie says it will not work and sends Sandy packing. He returns to his old cottage, everything is beige. The T.V. is still in the same place. The ticking of the clock. And realizes that he has changed and does not want to be there. We observe him arranging a for sale sign and taking off in a sailboat.

End With A future

Simon, the retired cynical policeman who actually means well, has been won over by Sophie’s successes at the Farm.

Sophie is facing lots of complications with machinery not working quite right, trying to teach the boys to drive, and generally juggling things she is not familiar with and needs help with. Simon has been making himself useful.

Simon suggests he moves in, and they live as a couple

Sophie tells him that you don’t get all the benefits in a new job on the first day. She tells him to move into the farm manager’s cottage, and she will decide if he is working out to her satisfaction

Major Layer Uncovered

Pirate and Alfie have been reunited for a visit. All the boys and Sophie are at the beach. One of the boys nearly drowns and Alfie and Pirate go out and successfully rescue the boy. All the while the other boys are watching (they are Townie boys and resistant to swimming).

The rescue makes them all revisit the working nature of the dogs. They realize hanging out at the farm is not enough. It is decided to take the dogs for a training course so they can be community rescue/support dogs.

Final scene a big sign is erected at the front of the farm announcing the farm is the home of the local hero Pirate.

Good Guy Wins After Much Pain and Risk

Who is the good guy? The dog Pirate, the new romantic interest Colin, or Sophie?

Colin has been through a great deal trying to win over Sophie. He hangs out with the teenagers who initially rebuff him. He wins them over with guitar playing and teaching them self-defense Sophie is still not won over.

Colin fixes things on the farm, he knows how to take a tractor apart in the pouring rain and make it work.

When one of the boys gets into trouble, crusty old Colin stands up for the boy and gets him a second chance. Sophie is impressed, but not entirely.

Colin tries to be romantic. He cooks special meals for Sophie and takes her out to local events. She is still not ready to get serious. Though she is fully aware of what a great guy he is.

One night, two of the boys have been sneaking a smoke in the barn. Everyone turns in to sleep. Pirate starts barking Colin investigates. There is a fire, in the barn, Colin rescues the horses from the conflagration at great risk to himself. Sophie is won over.

Great Protagonist Strategy

Sophie is the protagonist. She takes the bull by the horns and meets objections every step of the way as she develops the farm into a going concern providing housing and training for troubled youth.

The authorities do not think the farmhouse is suitable, so she uses some of the inheritance money to build a bunk house for the boys. Some of the locals object to the building application.

The neighbors complain about having troubled youth in the vicinity. Sophie holds a meeting and addresses all of their concerns. She gains support when some of the parents talk about their parenting challenges.

Sophie takes in Chris, recovering from septicemia, a recovering drug addict. She gives him a responsible job. It works out.

Sophie finds out one of the boys is part of the drug-running scheme called ‘County Lines’ ( a real problem in the UK) with Colin’s help, they rescue the mother from the thugs and break up the local criminal gang. All’s well that ends well. This gives the farm lots of positive publicity, putting to rest any remaining negativity.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Three Endings

What I learned from this exercise.

I think because I have not yet written the whole story, I was more objective and less emotional about writing the endings. I do on the whole prefer to be immersed in the work. I consider this exercise an opportunity for possibilities. Don’t know If I will actually use them.

PIRATE by Anna Harper

– Beginning of 3rd Act. UP ending

CHRIS one of the street kids takes drugs, steals, illiterate has been taken to hospital. His leg has been amputated. (septicemia) He is being discharged back to the youth group home.

TWISTS

SOPHIE shows up at the hospital. Offers Chris to come and stay at the farm as long as he wants if he gets counseling.

– Twists Chris’s mother shows up. She wants Chris to come back to her home.

– Crisis.

Chris has to choose. He is torn. Sophie’s new man, the retired policeman has moved in. Sophie insists on counseling and has offered Chris a job.. The farm has rules. And other street kids now live there. He loves his mother and realizes she is a walking disaster and only wants the extra welfare check, yet he goes with his birth mother anyway.

– Climax.

Back at the farm, Sophie has a meltdown.
She blames herself. Her new man Simon suggests she phones Chris to see how he is. Result; no food in the house, mother out at the pub. They go out to fetch Chris. The next day at the farm, Sophie tells Chris he has rights, he is old enough, does he want to be adopted by Simon and Sophie? he says yes.

Tragic Ending

– Beginning of 3rd Act. Sophie finds Chris one of the street kids bent over double, O.D. he is barely conscious. She tells him he must get treatment and she will come and see him in hospital. The group home is keeping a spot open for him. Ambulance arrives.

– Twists.

Simon (Sophies new man friend ex-policeman), gives her a speech about hopeless cases.

– Crisis.

Sophie gives Simon his marching orders. Says she is going to take Chirs in or else. She thinks Simon’s poor attitude will be harmful to Chris.

– Climax.

A phone call from the hospital, Chris died in his sleep, and the septicemia had spread.

Colin has to leave, however, in the end, he is beginning to have an epiphany. We see him befriending street kids.

Ironic Ending

1. Down at the beginning of the 3rd Act.

BACK STORY Sophie has opened a successful home for street kids at the farm. It has its dramas yet it is going well. She is in a live-in relationship with an aging ex-copper Simon.

DOWN BEGINING

It’s Sophies 85 birthday, everyone is at the party. Sophie drinks an entire glass of champagne, puts the glass down, blows out many candles, and then collapses. She has had a stroke. Off to the hospital.

2. Twists and turns.

Simon gives his troops (the resident, formerly, street kids) a talking to about how they have to take the reins and run the farm now. He says he won’t be around much longer either.

3. Climax concludes with the Protagonist receiving both their goal and need.

The climax is a voice-over read of Sophie’s will. The visuals are Sophie is still alive and living at the Farm, debilitated, she is still recovering. One of the boys is feeding her./or assisting her to walk All the happy busy activities of the Farm going on around her.

[anna harper]

Anna’s Third Act PS 81

What I learned was; I thought I couldn’t do it, why because I had not thought out all of the story yet. Panic mode! Anyway I followed the instructions and brainstormed and it all worked out, I learned I could do this first draft on the fly.

NOTE TO ANY READERS With apologies. This assignment was done on drugs, dental drugs that is. I hope it makes sense as I am still very dizzy and tired.

A. Answer the 5 questions below so you have a good understanding
of the foundation that needs to be considered as you create your
ending.

1. What is it that fascinates you about this story?

I love the idea of life change at any age. I cannot stand the idea of wasting life through stagnation, be it as a teenager or a vintage person.

2. What is the main conflict of the story?

The opening conflict is between an older couple of live-in lovers. One wants to stay status quo. The other wants to bite off maybe more than she can chew.

3. What is the main goal/need of your protagonist?

Have a life of fun and adventure. She is not really thinking about responsibility at the beginning of the story.

4. What is the character arc of your main characters?

Sophie will take on new challenges and find out how difficult they are. Sandy will try once to win her back then fade into old age oblivion. A cynical policeman will get his heart turned around.

Sophie will meet a host of new situations requiring that she take responsibility, and people, including an unsuitable suitor.

5. How do you want this movie to end?

Alfie from Silent Night will appear to meet his litter mate Pirate and he will help with the final challenge.

Could be a montage of happy moments contrasted with kids sleeping on the streets.

B. Give a short description of how each of these structural steps
will occur in your script.

1. PLOT POINT 2 — A major twist that sends the story toward its final destination

Sophie has to decide whether to turn the farm into a home for street youth, or let the council house them.

2. CRISIS — The decision point.

Alife arrives and the opening scene is a fun day at the beach with the two dogs and Dylan. (Silent Night’s first movie in three-part series.)

Sophie gets a call from her new potential man, a community policeman. One of her lads is sick, in the hospital with septicemia, his leg is being amputated.

3. CLIMAX — Bring the Protagonist face to face with the
Antagonist faces his biggest fear.

Valentine’s party at the farm. Police dude/wanna be lover boy, has a shouting match with Sophie offering all the arguments why she should not do this, including she will croak one day, then what?

4. RESOLUTION — Show the effects of the climax and tie-up
loose ends.

She tells him of her plan for the legacy of the farm and asks him if he wants to come and live with her at the farm.

5. FINAL PAGE — The final minute of the movie.

Could be a montage of happy moments contrasted with kids sleeping on the streets.

And a ” What can you do ” phone number plus some stats and a shot of The Big Issue Salesperson

[anna harper]

ANNA HARPER’S DAY 1 WRITING GREAT ENDINGS

MOONSTRUCK WRITTEN BY JOHN PATRICK SHANLEY

WHAT I LEARNED:

How important it is to layer meaning throughout the work to fulfill the intention of the movie, and to come up with a non-cliche ending.

The setups for this rom-com run all through every part of the movie from the way the sets are dressed, of course, the soundtrack,, and even the placement of seemingly insignificant items, (always two glasses) is geared to evoke a romance movie vibe. While all the rom-com tropes are there the ending is a new twist, and I did not experience it as cliched, it was a satisfying fulfillment of the tropes of the genre.

The opening to the movie is very important in terms of the setup of expectations. This is a romance and of course, we want a happy ending.

The beginning of the movie set me up wondering if it could be a happy ending. The opera Boheme is emphasized throughout the opening of the movie, with scenes of the backstage, scene equipment, etc., for the Mets, La Boheme, and the music from the opera is playing. Of course, we know that at the end of La Boheme, also a romance, Mimi dies.

So I was wondering if this was going to be a happy ending, I was hooked, by the potential subtext, hoping for the HEA ending.

MOVIE: Characters: The two lead characters are Cher playing Lorretta,

Nicholas Cage playing Ronny.

Most of the notable cast have problems in their love lives. The whole movie sub plots are about the travails of romance,

The parents of Lorretta, have romance problems of their own (Lorretta’s father has a woman on the side forbidden love).

Her aunt and her husband, are two happy romantics.

Rose the mother enjoys the attention, but not the intentions of a younger man.

The grandad loves five mutt dogs. Which gets him threatened with being “Kicked to death” by Rose the mother.

They all live in the West Village in Brooklyn. They are an Italian family, more or less religious. Their speech is in Italian dialect and reflective of working-class idioms which are highly amusing.

Everything about the movies fits together. The sets are often neutral with big hits of red, as in the bedroom scene. Loretta’s house is shot in dark shades, while Ronny’s scenes move from the dark dungeon of the bakery to the light and music and red throws on the bed of his bachelor apartment. The shop signage is all about romance, the hairdresser’s “Cinderella” and the deli with a neon heart. And the Bella Luna moon gets a lot of attention. All but one of the scenes with drinks show two drinks being poured, people in twos at dinner tables. Where there is Rose alone, another man comes to sit with Rose. A metaphor for her unsatisfactory relationship with her husband.

Throughout the movie, the soundtrack is from La Boheme. The opera is played to mirror the emotional intensity of the scenes.

The main aim of the first act is to introduce the characters, what they do, and the story world of the Italian district.

Loretta is an unhappy widow, she wants to be married as a confirmation of her success in life and a release from the bad luck of her husband’s death. She is engaged to Johnny Cammerari an immature Momma’s boy. The first act shows them engaged with zero evidence of chemistry, however, Johnny has got himself a new mother figure.

Johnny goes off to Italy to see his supposedly dying mother who is feigning illness to get Johnny to come for a visit. Johny asks Loretta to visit his brother Ronny while he is away and invite him to the wedding. The brothers have had a bad falling out. And Johnny wants Loretta, his new mommy, to fix the problem for him.

ACT 3

Johny’s away and the mice they will play.

Lorretta reluctantly visits Ronny in his bakery, while he fires the loaves of bread in the dark basement of his bakery business. He is half-naked, sweating, and very angry. His performance at this point is very theatrical mirroring his love for the opera.

It seems that Johnny, Ronnies brother distracted Ronny while he was working in the bakery and Ronny cuts his hand off with the slicer. His fiance dumped him and he has been angry ever since. He refuses the wedding invitation to a stunned Lorretta. There is the beginning of some conflict-driven frisson between Ronny and Lorretta.

Lorretta suggests they talk about it. They end up in Ronny’s apartment, opera playing and they have a heated and symbol-laced exchange. Ronny throws the table and chairs to one side and carts a very agreeable Lorretta off to bed., saying she hopes it breaks the curse of her bad luck.

TWIST The morning after, Lorretta is quite business-like and proceeds with her agenda of going home and marrying Johnny. Ronny says he loves her and begs for one last evening at the opera with her and then he will leave her alone. Lorretta agrees.

Character arc development. Lorretta is changing on the inside as well as the outside, taking big risks. On the way home, she goes to the spa for a major makeover and to a dress shop. She looks like a million bucks, and don’t forget the sparkling red stilettos. This scene begs the question is she trying to floor Ronny, is she thinking of leaving Johnny. Either way, she is bringing out the big guns of seduction.

Ronny looks amazing in a tuxedo, he is blown away by Lorretta’s transformation,

Lorretta is blown away by the splendor of the Met. They are both happy. During a particularly sad part of the opera Loretta starts to cry, this only affirms to Ronny that she is the one. And it becomes obvious that she has fallen for Ronny.

Surprise, shock, horror. At the intermission, Loretta encounters her father with the other woman, and Loretta’s father encounters Loretta with a man other than her intended Johnny. They agree to have not seen anyone at the opera.

Loretta is arguing as to why she cannot go on with the relationship, suddenly being aware that they are at Ronny’s place, and she agrees to spend the night ( after a very poetic/theatrical about the meaning of life in the now) outpouring from Ronny. Is there no turning back?

TWIST The next day she returns home with the intent of marrying Johnny.

The final scene has all of the family assembled around the dinner table for breakfast. Soon the doorbell rings, it’s Ronny. He is not taking no for an answer.

The doorbell rings again, an awkward silence is broken by the arrival of Johnny.

SURPRISE AND SATISFYING ENDING

He says he cannot marry Lorretta as his mother had a miraculous recovery when he mentioned he was getting married and now he must spend more time with his mother. (Hooray). Ronny comes to the rescue and proposes on the spot, of course, Lorretta accepts. Champagne appears (in sets of two glasses) and all is well that ends well. Right to the credit rolls, we are shown the importance of the Italian family with the camera panning both ancient and new family portraits. The MUSIC is an allegro of La Boheme., upbeat.

[anna harper]

DAY 10 Anna’s Kick-Ass Dialogue.

What I learned; well, that was fun. It was really interesting to go into writing a scene with the intention of creating options from the master list, and much easier than trying to place them after the first draft. I crammed in as much as I could’ attack/counter-attack, symbols, world view, and dialogue in character.

First Draft from PIRATE sequel to SILENT NIGHT

SITUATION

A friend (JAMES) died and left the care of PIRATE,(his dog) and a financial legacy with strings attached to his friends Sophie and Sandy

PIRATE is the littermate of ALFIE a dog with superpowers from the pilot SILENT NIGHT.. Alfie and Dylan (boy from Silent Night) are trying to locate Alfie’s littermates.

CHARACTERS

PIRATE

Is a black and white Newfoundland dog. He has superpowers that Sandy and Sophie do not know about.

SOPHIE is a 65-year-old out-of-work actress. She makes a little money baking cakes and selling herbs. She lives with SANDY

SANDY Is a retired teacher, in his late 60’s He paints dreary landscapes, no sales. Likes boring card games, meat and potatoes food, and watching Coronation Street.

SCENE

MUSIC UP

ACKER BILK STRANGER ON THE SHORE

ESTABLISHING/ARIAL/ FRESHWATER BAY CLIFFS/ THE NEEDLES /SUNNY DAY

EXT.FRESHWATER BAY BEACH, ISLE OF WIGHT UK/DAY

Sophie and Sandy are sitting in deck chairs in front of the Fresh From the Sea Fish and Chips van. Sophie has tied a red balloon to her chair.

SOPHIE

We need to have a chat dear. IMPLICATION/HINT (BIG TROUBLE AHEAD)

SANDY

There’s sand in my fish and chip dinner. Why did we have to come to the beach? (ALLUSION DOING THIS OUTING RESENTFUL OF THE DOG))

SOPHIE

It’s a lovely day, the fish and chips taste better at the beach and PIRATE needs his daily swim. ( HINT/ SOMETHING AFOOT)

SANDY

It’s January for God’s sake! I would rather have had dinner at home! All this mucking about because of the dog. (HINT SANDY IS PISSED OFF)

PIRATE

Pirate is busy swimming around in the water.

SOPHIE is eating her fish and chips ravenously, with gusto. (METAPHOR FOR HER APPROACH TO LIFE)

SOPHIE

It’s a balmy 10 degrees, no need to complain. I am going in for a splash about with Pirate, soon as I have finished my delish fish and chips just look at him, he’s having a lovely time. Pirate is magnificent, strong, and powerful I love watching him enjoy himself! Really, Sandy we have to talk it’s me, not you. (ALLUDING TO TROUBLE IN THE RELATIONSHIP)

SANDY wraps up his fish and chips, not eating, and places them on the beach blanket. Sulking. (IMPLICATION, HE IS INTRACTABLE)

SANDY

Turns to Sophie, and uses an authoritative tone of voice.

You know Sophie, I am not at all keen on having this arrangement JAMES has left us in a sticky spot. I mean really Pirate is too much responsibility at our age. And let’s not forget some of the strings James attached. (ALLUDING TO JAMES EXPECTATIONS)

SOPHIE

I don’t think you are listening, again! ( INSINUATING HIS RESPONSE IS UNACCEPTABLE)

SANDY

I’ve lost my appetite. I’m tired. I could hardly sleep a wink. Pirate snores. He jumped on the bed this morning, I just about had a heart attack, a giant dog face in my face first thing in the morning. Ughh. Dog breath! (IMPLICATION DOG IS UNACCEPTABLE/COULD RESULT IN DOING SANDY IN)

SOPHIE

Practically all the people on the island know him and love him. What’s wrong with taking care of Pirate? I going to keep him no matter what you say. I’ll get a California King size bed, no problemo. (HINT SOPHIE IS GOING TO GO AHEAD NO MATTER WHAT)

SANDY

Did you see all the drool he shakes off, it’s disgusting. He needs to wear a bib. It will be all over the walls of our little house. He practically fills the hallway, and the living room carpet, there’s nowhere to move! (INSINUATION SANDY DOES NOT LIKE THE DOG)

SOPHIE

That’s why James left us his farm. It’s much bigger. Pirate will enjoy being in his old haunt. I can’t wait, the farm is an exciting move. I already started clearing out the cupboards and I forgot to mention that I have a moving van ordered.(IMPLICATION, THIS IS A DONE DEAL)

SANDY

Speaking in a whiny tone of voice. Gets up and starts to fold the chairs. Sophie unties the red balloon. (IMPLICATION THIS IS THE END OF THE DISCUSSION AS FAR AS SANDY IS CONCERNED)

SANDY

Sophie, you know I’m no good with big changes. I like our life the way it is. We are a pair of old crocks, how much time and energy do we have to take on Pirate and do all the other things James asked us to do in his will. (IMPLYING THEY ARE TOO OLD)

SOPHIE

Stands, using a confrontational tone of voice

You like our life the way it is, do you? Meaning playing cards on Wednesday, watching Coronation Street, and sticking to your rules about not having anyone over for dinner? No foreign food, and what about sex? I don’t know what you are really afraid of Sandy, do you? (METAPHOR FOR SANDY’S APPROACH TO LIFE AND THE RELATIONSHIP AND FEAR OF CHANGE BEING FEAR OF DEATH)

SANDY

Sandy picks up the package of fish and chips. Sophie takes them away from him.

This conversation is impossible. I can’t eat these blasted fish and chips with sand sprinkled on them, this bloody dog nonsense has got me all wound up. (ALLUSION THIS IS ALL THE DOG’S FAULT)

SOPHIE

It’s you who is impossible. We have been live-in lovers for what 10 years now. Time to shake things up before I go senile from boredom I am moving to the farm with Pirate.

SANDY

My dear you are 70 next month, be realistic. You aren’t going to find another man, especially not with that mutt hanging around. (SARCASM)

SOPHIE

I’ll look for a new lover online, why not? And I am bored to death of with life the way it is, what a dreary prospect. (HINT ITS SANDY WHO IS DREARY)

SANDY

Sophie, are you leaving me for a dog? A drooling, farting, fur on everything dog. You have really lost it this time. (IMPLICATION/ IS SOPHIE GOING SENILE/)

PIRATE

Exits the water shaking water everywhere, and heads for Sophie and the fish and chips.

SANDY

God’s sake, he is shaking water all over my good slacks!

SOPHIE

Yes, I’m leaving you for a new life with Pirate, moving to the farm, and continuing James’ work with homeless youth. Stay comfortable Sandy We have had a good 10 years but the zip has zapped, and the fire has fizzled. (METAPHOR FOR THE ENERGY IN THE RELATIONSHIP) If I am afraid of anything, it’s dying of boredom. Sorry, it’s really me, not you. Pirate, would like Sandy’s fish and chips?

SANDY

Does this mean I don’t get any of the money?

EXT. BEACH/SUNSET

SOPHIE

Ignores Sandy, throws off her beach dress and runs into the shallows with her red balloon, and plays with Pirate.

MUSIC UP

PLAYING IN THE WAVES

HIP HOP BEAT LYRICS Anna HARPER

.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Dialogue Cover-Ups

Day 7

What I learned from this assignment. Mostly I was able to analyze the potential for this dramatic skill and apply it.

SITUATION

The men from the village are meeting to discuss the money they will be paid for working for SIS. Stu is challenged over his treatment of his wife Maggie.

STU

Speaking flippantly

Thank God the women are out of town. At least I don’t have to worry about Maggie tonight. Perhaps the money will get me out of the dog house. (MAKING A JOKE OUT OF IT.)

ANTHONY

You don’t think you are too late, eh, mate? Maybe let things slip a bit too far with our Maggie? (QUESTIONING) Word on the village High Street is she has been depressed of late, not herself. Tired like, properly worn out.

STU

What do you mean, Anthony? ATTACK BACK

ANTHONY

Saw her car parked up, sort of hidden in the bushes on the back road of the hotel. Thought that might be a bit odd. So, I walked up to the Hotel where some of the Art Workshop people were still in the car park nattering. One of those women said she thought maybe she had left with Mick, the instructor. Of course, she could have just been gossiping, as people do here. Maybe nothing. But I don’t think you’re entirely safe. She’s in London this week, right? I did some asking around. Mick has gone to London to teach another workshop is all I am saying. Probably nothing to concern yourself over. (CONFIRM SOMETHING THEY ALREADY BELIEVE, TRUE OR NOT)

DISSOLVE TO

INT. ROYAL SWANS PUB/NIGHT

STU, ANTHONY, AND JAMES are sitting at a table in the corner.

STU

I’m worried about Maggie. I just need to know if she is alright. I’ve been calling her and no response.

Thanks, James, you can put those down here,

JAMES

Are we meeting at Bunny’s again tonight, Stu?

CLEO

Enters from the back of the bar, and walks over to the table. CLEO has been listening to the conversation surreptitiously, now speaking in an aggravated tone of voice

CLEO CONTD

What’s all this then? Thought you were meeting at Stu’s yesterday? Why are you all meeting at Bunny’s? James said ‘again.’ What are you lot doing up there? (ATTACK/QUESTION)

STU

speaks in a phony monotone, fidgeting in his seat

STU.CONTD

Just a little planning for an informational dinner, for the agriculturally connected. Nothing really. Can you please give me a straight answer? Is Maggie alright? Is she with Homayoon? (QUESTION, CHANGE THE SUBJECT)

There is some gossip going around that she is with the art workshop instructor. Of course, I don’t believe it. I hope she is safe and sound at Homayoon’s place. (CONFIRMING SOMETHING BELIEVED WHETHER OR NOT IT IS TRUE)

CLEO

Why don’t you give her some space, leave her alone? Work out whatever it is when she comes back? (ATTACK BACK)

STU

No, I am feeling very anxious and distracted. I must talk to her. Do you have Homayoon’s number? (ATTACK/QUESTION)

CLEO

speaking louder

CLEO CONTD

No, and like I said, I wouldn’t give it to you if I had. Give her some space and a bit of a rest, eh? I’ve got to get home. (ATTACK BACK) And I don’t believe for one minute you are meeting, what three or four times now? To plan an event? None of you could pull off an event if your lives depended on it.

EXIT CLEO

ANTHONY

Wow, she’s in a bloody mood. Better stay out of Cleo’s way. I know how to get the number. Go to the Manor House, and find the master guest list, it should be on there. If you think it’s the right move, that is?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Day 6 DIALOGUE STRUCTURE

METAPHORS

What I learned from this exercise. I learned how much I love using metaphors, and that it adds an element almost of whimsy, (entertainment ) and conveys layers of meaning quickly.

WORK UP FROM THE VILLAGE FRINGE 2

SITUATION

A group of men from the village have been recruited to help SIS infiltrate and take down a local Serbian mafia gang,

ESTABLISHING/TREGENNA CASTLE HOTEL CORNWALL

EXT.HOTEL/DAY

The army truck with the village men on board pulls round the back of the hotel.

INT.BACK OF TRUCK/DAY

STU

Jesus, I am exhausted.

AHMED

I am starving, I hope they are going to feed us.

The men descend from the truck and enter the back entrance of the hotel.

BUNNY

OK, best foot forward you sorry lot. This is where the G8 summit was held, so all the security was kept in place. It’s convenient for Army Intel. Follow me.

Fully geared up/armed soldiers escort the group to an old service elevator. They all cram into the elevator. The elevator descends a few levels. Doors open. to a dingy industrial area. The soldier’s boots ring out on the floor.

STU

Well, this is cozy, love what they have done with the decor.

JONATHON

Squints eyes

Smells funny, and those lights are practically bright enough to do surgery.

AHMED

Whispers to Johnathon.

Why did we come here, I am feeling very nervous.

Bunny’s private army is escorted into a large meeting room. Two middle-aged and unremarkable-looking men are waiting. They appear very ordinary except for the shoulder holsters; carrying guns.

PIERRE

Hisses under his breath to Stu.

Not exactly like James Bond material, so disappointing. (speaking in metaphor)

One of the agents indicates they should take a seat.

AGENT

For the purpose of this meeting, I am agent DAVID, and my partner; is agent GOLIATH. (metaphor good and evil, battle)

DAVID

Bunny disclosed the trouble your friend Caleb was having with the Serbian mafia. We were glad to help out with the detox. Major Bunny Holmes has earned immense respect from us. It was he who reached out for help for your friend Caleb. And now we would like your help.

GOLIATH

Today we are at step 1 of an operation to find and apprehend a specific Russian agent who is here in the UK to cause harm on our soil. This is unacceptable and we will do anything and everything to run the agent to ground. You are to be a part of the operation should you decide to take it on. If not, go back to your lives as they are.

We understand you all are in states of financial difficulty, embarrassment even.. We will discuss that later.

Today we are on a mission to find the Russian operative who is posing as a Serb in Anton’s gang of thugs. The Russian government is on the outs with the Serbs at present. The Russians would love to internationally cause a lack of trust in the Serbs. So, the Russian agents may seek to disclose by various means what the Serbs are up to without their knowing that the rot comes from within. (metaphor for double agent)

Meanwhile, the Russians use the cover of the Serbian infrastructure, satellite communications, and dark locations, to piggyback their own agenda on British soil. That is until the Russians are ready to throw the Serbs under the bus. (speaking in metaphor)

I must warn you that this is a dangerous mission. However, we are confident. You are valuable to us as you have no footprint. (a metaphor for data track). You are just ordinary civilians, and you have local knowledge.

It will be easy for you to use your daily activities as cover. Therefore it is hoped they will not tumble to our operation. Seek, find and destroy the Russian operatives, and deport the Serbs. That is after we have finished with them. (a metaphor for torture and interrogation)

The first part of this assignment, should you decide to take it on, is to deliver the money that Caleb owes. and have Anton, who was Caleb’s contact, become interested in you.

You will achieve this by being disrespectful and dismissive. We will coach you on technique. We call it The Chinese Takeaway. (a metaphor for creating desire and removing the prize, and increasing the want factor; baiting)

Step 1. The money owed to Anton will be returned as part of our plant to lure in Anton.

Step 2. You will commit a crime. We will set up everything for you. It will be a real crime in broad daylight. You will get away with it. Anton will hear about it, he will then contact you.

Step 3. There will be many fishing lines of surveillance and tracking set up. That is all I am saying about the operation for now.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna’s Anticipatory Dialogue Work up from The Bittersweet of Summer’s End.

What I learned from this assignment; this helped me sharpen up and succinctly build anticipation.

SITUATION

Maggie and her friend Cleo went to Brighton to buy art supplies. They are headed home when they notice that the weather has turned stormy. Stu is out on his boat fishing for lobster for the Manor’s weekend dinner party.

SCENE

TRAIN FROM BRIGHTON TO EXETER

INT.2nd CLASS TRAIN CARRAIGE/DAY

P.O.V. Looking out of the train window.

Rocking motion of the train

MAGGIE

V.O.

The bloody rain is coming down in sheets, and the wind is up. I hope Stu isn’t freezing his arse off on the boat. (imply consequences)

MAGGIE

Cleo, wake up, we should get our bags organized and be ready to get off. Can’t wait for tea and toast by the fire with Stu.

CLEO

I guess we are about ten minutes from home. Who is picking us up?

MAGGIE

Paul, you silly. Head still in the land of nod?

CLEO

It’s pissing down out there and I only brought this hoodie. Look the waves are breaking over the tracks. I hope they don’t close us down again before we get to Exeter.

MAGGIE

Can’t wait to get home and put my feet up. Stu will have the tea on and the fire going.

I’m working the bar tonight with James. No rest for the very wicked.

P.O.V.

The women look out of the train window as it pulls into the station.

EXT.TRAIN STATION/DAY

Cleo and Maggie descend from the train carrying shopping bags.

Cleo runs up to Paul and gives him a flirtatious hug and a kiss.

MAGGIE

Hiya, Paul. Thanks for getting us in this shitty weather.

Paul walks toward me and takes both my hands. his face is wracked with worry.

PAUL

Cleo, I have some bad news, Stu’s boat sent out a mayday a couple of hours ago. The RNL are out looking for him. It’s pretty stormy further out at sea, even worse than this. (imply consequences) Get in the truck and I can fill you in.

MAGGIE

Oh, God! This can’t be real.

PAUL

I’m going to take you home. You can get some heavy-duty rain gear on. I am going to check in with the Search and Rescue team. I am sure he’ll be back anytime now. He knows these waters and is very skilled with his boat. (shield from consequences) hang on, things will work out.

MAGGIE

Maggie is shaking and shivering, the rain is running down her face and hair.

MAGGIE

Fucking lobsters.

ESTABLISHING.EXT.BEACH/DAY

SIGNAGE READS MILUP BAY DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE

A coastguard helicopter is hovering. A SEARCH AND RESCUE man and another figure are being winched up a line from the devouring sea into the helicopter.

RESCUER

Good Morning, Lord Withall. What a great day to be alive. Hang on I’ve got you good and strapped in.

STU

coughing and spluttering,

I don’t know if I am alive or dead. I can’t feel my legs. (warning)

RESCUER

No worries, we’ll get those fixed right up. Hang on tight. We do not fail. (protecting from consequences)

EXT.BEACH/DAY

PAUL

I told you they would find him. Quick, down the rocks, be careful; we’ll ask the team where they are headed.

MAGGIE

You mean they are not going to land on the beach?

PAUL

No, they will stabilize him. He will be airlifted to one of the bigger hospitals with a helicopter landing pad. (Implying consequences)

Come on and be careful, we don’t need you breaking your leg. Hold my hand, the shingles are very slippery.”

PAUL AND MAGGIE

Paul and Maggie climb down the slippery shingle beach

PAUL

His radio crackles, a voice is heard.</font>

RESCUE TEAM MEMBER

He’s alive! We are ETA Portsmouth Hospital landing in 20 minutes

PAUL

It’s a teaching hospital. Advanced level equipment and techniques. (indirect prediction) They’ll take good care of him. Come on, let’s jump in the truck. The helicopter will get there much faster than us. It’s going to take us about two hours.”

EXT.TRUCK /DAY

Takes off fast, then stops. Maggie jumps out and throws up. F.O. (direct prediction)

PAUL runs from the truck to Maggie with a bottle of water. Paul puts his arm around her and gets her back into the truck (shielding her from consequences,) and future metaphor for their relationship.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

CONTRASTING DIALOGUE

What I learned from this assignment; I learned that this is an effective dramatic device and that I should look to inject it into scenes. I found it useful to look for examples of this in movies.

Situation.

A group of village men have been recruited by SIS to engage with a Serbian gang, thus enabling SIS to take them down.

The men have been trained in the many skills they will need to accomplish this task; from evasive driving techniques to psychological trickery. They have recently committed a cover crime to engage Anton’s (Serbian spy/thug) interest in them (village group of recruits) as potential business partners.

Tonight the village SIS recruits are beginning the next phase of entrapment, using one of the techniques they have been taught to get Anton firmly on the hook; The Chinese Takeaway.

Contact

At The Royal Swans, village pub, Wold on Sea, Cornwall. Friday Night

Characters

JAMES

barman and Cleo’s illicit lover

CLEO

married to Caleb, owner of the Royal Swans, having a fling with James.

MAJOR BUNNY HOLMES

ex-Army intelligence, leader of the village group of men recruited by SIS

CALEB co-owner of The Royal Swans, and husband to Cleo, is on a break from the army detox unit.

SCENE

INT.CLEO’S BATHROOM FLAT ABOVE THE PUB/NIGHT

CALEB removes the top of the toilet tank and takes out a flask of alcohol, and removes the screw top. DISSOLVE TO

INT.BAR/NIGHT

JAMES

I’m going to fetch up a new keg, back in a minute, my darling. Quick, give us a kiss in the kitchen, a really naughty kiss.

CLEO

James, you are impossible; come here then.

CLEO waves James in the direction of the pub kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN/NIGHT

JAMES pulls Cleo close and reaches to turn the kitchen light off.

CLEO has a prolonged kiss that evolves into instant energetic foreplay.

INT/BAR/NIGHT

ANTON

Walks up to the bar, smacks his hand on the bar, and shouts loudly.

ANTON

Hello, hey, is anyone serving?

Cleo looks around the corner of the bar, straightens her clothing, and hisses at James.

CLEO

Crikey, it’s Anton, just as Bunny said he would show up.

JAMES

Good evening, what can I get you, sir? We haven’t seen you here before, have we? We usually know all our customers, so you must be a tourist. What are you having to drink? Are you staying in the village?

ANTON

Do you have vodka? Give me two shots and a glass of water.

I want to speak to Caleb. Send him over to my table.

JAMES

I’m sorry, he isn’t here. He will be away for some months. Can I help?

ANTON

Yes, I want to speak to Caleb.

JAMES

As I just told you he is not available, we don’t even know when he is coming back or even if he is coming back.

ANTON

Give him this number, and tell him to call his friend, Anton. My name is Anton. Got it?

Anton downs the vodka shots, one after another, and leaves.

CLEO

Phone Bunny right away, James. And don’t forget which phone to use.

SPLIT SCREEN

JAMES

It’s me. The customer came in as expected. Now what?

BUNNY

Do nothing. Wait until tomorrow. Then call Anton and tell him Caleb will see him at the bar. When he enters keep Caleb out of sight, take Anton into the kitchen, and frisk him the way you have been shown. If he asks you any questions about Anton’s sudden appearance, keep silent.

Work up from The Bittersweet of Summer’s End, The Village Fringe 2

Anna Corbett Harper

• This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s More Character in Dialogue Day 3

Work up from The Bittersweet of Summer’s End The Village Fringe 2

What I learned from this assignment; It really made me think about my characters, keeping the dialogue strong, not allowing it to drift into the banal. It also helped me edit down pages.<div>

Character MAGGIE WITHALL

World View On a stalled life journey; a wanna-be artist.

Metaphors Martyr, Breaking out of the box, A rebel, sociopath. Bread and Roses

Rules and Strategies I am entitled to my best life. I will break any rules that get in my way.

Justifications I am unappreciated. This is not my life. I will not put up with anything less than what I deserve, most especially in my career and love life.

Character LORD STUART WITHALL

World view I am entitled.

Metaphors A failing knight confused that his matrix isn’t working.

Rules and Justifications

Tradition, no need for change even when things are not working. I am the head of the household and what I say is the way it will be no matter what.

SCENE

A conversation between Maggie and her husband Stu.

INT.STU AND MAGGIE’S BEDROOM/NIGHT

STU

What’s going on between us, Maggie? I want you close to me. You are my wife.

MAGGIE

That’s the problem; it’s always what you want.

STU

What on earth do you mean? Don’t you have a beautiful home here? You are respected in the community, the business at the Manor is going really well, and you know I love you.

MAGGIE

I don’t feel loved. I feel that I am here at your convenience, for sex when you want it, the way you want it, and for endless work. And you are taking me for granted. You don’t even pay me properly, and I am totally done with it. I am quitting the Manor work as of right now.

It’s all in hand for this weekend and I will give you the info to get another event manager. And they will require regular payments incidentally!

STU

Maggie, where is all this coming from? Why are you being such as bitch? Are your women friends influencing you? Putting ideas in your head?

MAGGIE

For God’s sake, Stu, I said I am tired and I don’t want to have this stupid conversation right now.

STU

We need to hammer this out, like it or not. I am not going to bed with this not fixed.

Well, perhaps we can’t fix it on demand!

STU

Maggie, I just don’t understand.

MAGGIE

Here it is, plain and simple. I am fed up with making your business work and not doing what I want to do, which is my photography. When I stepped in three years ago, that was only meant to be temporary, as you were having a financial emergency. Now things have been going well, while I work my arse off. I am not on the payroll, no pensions, and no savings. If I was still at my job I would have made an average of 45K per year after tax, plus some wedding photo gigs.

With you, I am lucky if I get paid anything most months, and you throw a couple of grand my way every now and again like you are doing me a favour. I am so angry with you right now! I think you should sleep in the spare room.

STU

What are you saying? Don’t I put money into the household account every month?

Yes, and that goes to pay for the food and utilities, and the supplies for the Manor fundraising dinners, the housekeeper, and the like, the upkeep of your manor.

Nothing in that account has anything to bloody well to do with the endless hours, weekdays and weekends, and evenings of unpaid work that I have done since coming here three years ago. Enough is enough!

STU

So, is this all about money, then? Is that what you are about?

MAGGIE

That bloody does it! I am entitled to have, and fund, a life that makes me happy, not just work for you to make your dream a reality.

All we ever do is talk about this fucking farm and the Manor. I don’t have a life here or much of marriage either! We don’t go out or do anything social. We haven’t had a holiday, ever. You don’t know who I am, or what I want, but I sure as hell know what you want and need 24/7.

MAGGIE picks up a wooden hairbrush from the dresser and pitches it hard at STU’S head, missing smashing and crashing the large mirror behind him.

END SCENE

This reply was modified 5 hours, 33 minutes ago by anna harper.

[anna harper]

  SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
                          Written by

                         Simon Beaufoy                                             

1   INT. JAVED'S SAFE-HOUSE. BATHROOM. NIGHT.                 1

    An expensive bathroom suite. Excess of marble and gold
    taps. Into the bath, a hand is scattering rupee notes.
    Hundreds and hundreds of notes, worth hundreds of
    thousands of rupees. The sound of a fist thumping on
    the bathroom door, furious shouting from the other
    side.

                               JAVED O/S
              Salim! Salim!


2   INT. STUDIO. BACKSTAGE. DAY.                              2

    Darkness. Then, glimpses of faces. In the half-light,
    shadowy figures move with purpose. An implacable voice
    announces.
                            TALKBACK V/O
              Ten to white-out, nine, eight,
              seven...    

                           PREM
              

                       Are you ready?

    Silence. A hand shakes a shoulder a little too roughly.

                            PREM (CONT'D)
              I said are you ready?

                               JAMAL
              Yes.

3   INT. JAVED'S SAFE-HOUSE. BATHROOM. NIGHT.                 3
    The thumping at the door continues. The sound of
    mumbled Indian prayer. Dull gleam of a pistol. A hand
    cracks the chamber open. Loads a single bullet into the
    chamber, snaps the chamber shut.

                            TALKBACK V/O
              ...three, two, one, zero. Cue
              Prem, cue applause...

    Suddenly, the door splinters as it is smashed through.
    A burst of gun-fire and white light as suddenly...

4   INT. STUDIO. NIGHT.                                       4
    ...we are back in the studio, the gun-fire morphing
    into rapturous applause.

                                                (CONTINUED)

                                                                2.
4   CONTINUED:                                                       4

                                  TALKBACK V/O
                 Go, Prem.

    A wall of light and noise as the two walk on stage.
    Cheering, music, banks of searing studio lights. On
    stage, Jamal, an eighteen year-old Indian boy-man
    stares, petrified. He would surely turn and run but for
    the iron grip on his shoulder of the smiling host, Prem
    Kumar.

                               PREM
                 Welcome to Who Wants To Be A
                 Millionaire!

    More applause.
                               PREM (CONT'D)
                 Please give a warm welcome to
                 our first contestant of the
                 night- a local from our very own
                 Mumbai!

    Under cover of the wild applause, Prem ushers Jamal
    towards the guest's chair, leaning in and hissing.

                                  PREM (CONT'D)
                 Smile, dammit.

Immediately this tells you that something is very off. This tiny amount of dialogue "Smile dammit" helps me make sense of the disorienting begining of the film.

    The lights seem to bore into him but Jamal manages a
    tentative smile. Out of nowhere, a hand slaps him
    ferociously across the face. Then again and again.
    Blood trickles from his mouth.


5   INT. POLICE INTERVIEW ROOM. NIGHT.                             5

    The studio lights have seamlessly transformed into the
    harsh bulb of an interrogation light. Jamal is strung
    from the ceiling by his arms.

                               CONSTABLE SRINIVAS
                 Your name, bhen chod.

    Constable Srinivas's hand pulls back Jamal's head by
    the hair, forcing him to stare directly into the
    lights.
                                  CONSTABLE SRINIVAS (CONT'D)
                 Your name!

                                  JAMAL
                 Jamal Malik.

   And seamlessly we are back....                                                       3.


6   INT. STUDIO. NIGHT.                                        6

    ...on the set of Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Prem
    leans back in his chair, a man at home in his
    surroundings. Jamal sits opposite, frozen.

                            PREM
              So, Jamal, tell us a bit about
              yourself.

    Close on Jamal's face. Without warning, it is shoved
    under water.

7   INT. BUCKET. NIGHT.                                         7

    We look up from the bottom of the bucket at the
    screaming face of a drowning man. His head shakes
    desperately, pointlessly. Then Jamal's face is dragged
    up again, roaring for breath. Close on his eyes.

                            JAMAL V/O
              I work in a call centre. In
              Juhu.

Now, through shots, action and this tiny bit of dialogue; we get the picture that we are witnessing a corrupt show and a tramatized boy having flashbacks.

8   INT. STUDIO. NIGHT.                                         8

                            PREM
              A Phone-basher! And what type of
              call centre would this be? 

Sub text deliberately trying to unnerve and humilate Jamal, Prem already knows what and who the boy is.

                            JAMAL
              XL 5. Mobile phones.

                            PREM
              Aha! So, you're the man who
              rings me up every single day of
              my life with Special Offers,
              huh?

                            JAMAL
              No, actually, I'm an assistant.

                            PREM
              An Assistant Phone-basher?

    A raised eye-brow at the audience. Amusement ruffles
    through them.

                            PREM (CONT'D)
              And what does an Assistant Phone-
              basher do, exactly?

                            JAMAL
              I- I get tea for people and-



                                                  (CONTINUED)

                                                          4.
8    CONTINUED:                                                8

                                PREM
                  - a chi-wallah! Why didn't you
                  say?

It ia understood in Indian culture that a chai wallah is the lowest on the pecking order, save for those who clean the latrines.  He has been humilated on purpose by Prem.

     Laughter in the audience.

                                PREM (CONT'D)
                  So, ladies and gentlemen, Jamal
                  Malik from Mumbai, let's play
                  Who Wants To Be A
                  Millionaire...!


9    OMITTED                                                   9


10   INT. POLICE INTERVIEW ROOM. DAY.                          10

     Jamal's body dangles motionless from the ceiling. His
     head is bowed and he is moaning to himself. The ceiling
     fan thumps round slowly. In the corner, Constable
     Srinivas mops his brow and lights a cigarette. Hot
     work. The door opens and the Inspector of Police walks
     in. A rumpled man in his late forties who has seen
     pretty much everything. He eyes Jamal, surprised.

                                INSPECTOR
                  Has he confessed, yet?

                                CONSTABLE SRINIVAS
                  Apart from his name, I can't get
                  a word out of the runt.

                                INSPECTOR
                  You've been here all bloody
                  night, Srinivas. What have you
                  been doing?

     Srinivas shrugs.

                                CONSTABLE SRINIVAS
                  Tough guy.

                                INSPECTOR
                  A little electricity will loosen
                  his tongue.

     Constable Srinivas brings a box and a tangle of wires
     out of a cupboard and proceeds to put crocodile clips
     on Jamal's fingers. The Inspector stares, deep in
     thought. Sweat trickles down his face. He wipes it away
     with a handkerchief, seems to be talking to himself.

                                INSPECTOR (CONT'D)
                  Every night I get home, "why
                  can't we have a/c like Bajan
                  Chacha?
                                (MORE)

                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                           5.
10   CONTINUED:                                                 10
                                INSPECTOR (CONT'D)
                  Why don't you care about your
                  poor family, dying in this
                  heat." Twenty-four years a
                  policeman and I can't afford
                  bloody a/c.

     Turns on Jamal.

                                INSPECTOR (CONT'D)
                  But you. You've got ten million
                  rupees ek dum guaranteed, yaar?
                  And who knows how much further?
                  Fancy the twenty million, do
                  you?

Here we understand that the inspector is resentful of Jamal's wealth from the reality show.  Jamal can escape poverty, the police inspector cannot except through corruption.

     Jamal just stares.

                                INSPECTOR (CONT'D)
                  I think you probably do.

     The Inspector nods absently to Constable Srinivas who
     turns a handle. Jamal's body pulsates and jerks. He
     screams. His body goes limp again. The Inspector goes
     over to Jamal.

                                INSPECTOR (CONT'D)
                  So. Were you wired up? A mobile
                  or a pager, correct? Some little
                  hidden gadget? No? A coughing
                  accomplice in the audience?
                  Microchip under the skin, huh?

     Constable Srinivas hadn't thought of that. Grabs
     Jamal's arms and starts squeezing them all over until
     the Inspector has had enough.

                                INSPECTOR (CONT'D)
                  Srinivas! Look, it's hot, my
                  wife is giving me hell, I've got
                  a desk full of murderers,
                  rapists, extortionists, assorted
                  bum-bandits...and you. Why don't
                  you save us both a lot of time?
                  Hmm?

Here we experience dread, as the dialogue indicates they are about to intensify the torture.

     Jamal doesn't answer. The Inspector sighs and sits
     down. Looks at his watch, nods at Constable Srinivas
     again. Jamal's body jerks with electric current. When
     the shudders and screams have subsided, the Inspector
     goes over to Jamal's collapsed form. Clicks his fingers
     in front of Jamal's face to check for a response.

                                INSPECTOR OF POLICE
                  He's unconscious, chutiya. What
                  good is that? How many times
                  have I told you-?

(Chutiya means a stupid asshole of a person.)  Dialogue implies he might have killed the assest; Jamal.                              CONSTABLE SRINIVAS
                  Sorry, Sir.
                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                           6.
10   CONTINUED: (2)                                             10

     An excited Young Police Constable sticks his head
     around the door.

                             YOUNG CONSTABLE
               He's coming! Sir.

                             INSPECTOR
               Ar� wa, Srinivas, we'll have
               Amnesty International in here
               next, peeing their pants about
               human rights. Get him down, tidy
               him up, for God's sake.

     Constable Srinivas goes over to Jamal and starts to
     undo the crocodile clips.

                             CONSTABLE SRINIVAS
               Maybe he did know the answers.

Introducing the possibility of Jamal being an honest contestant and the futility of torture.

                              INSPECTOR
               Have you gone soft, Srinivas?
               Professors, lawyers, doctors,
               General Knowledge Wallahs never
               get beyond sixteen thousand
               rupees. And he's on ten million?
               What the hell can a slum dog
               possibly know?

     Jamal lifts his head.

I just love the defiance in the face of unspeakable cruelty.

                              JAMAL
               The answers.

     He lifts his head, spits blood out of his mouth and
     says again, straight into the Inspector's face.

                             JAMAL (CONT'D)
               I know the answers.




                                11

• This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Expressing Character

What I learned from this assignment. I do not have enough conflict in my writing. Looking at my writing across two scripts and two novels, there is not enough conflict. This has been a very useful lesson learned.

CHARACTERS

Major Bunny Holmes O.B.E. DCM, QCB Retired Army Intelligence

Patriot

Ruthless

Breaker of rules

Caleb Sparrow Proprietor of the Royal Swans Pub

Alcoholic/Gambler

Unreliable

Jealous

Cleo Sparrow Co-Owner of The Roayl Swans

Seductive

Playful

Pierre Lebourgois Baker at the Saxon Mill Bakery

Flamboyant

Cannot abide boredom/risk-taker

Jonathon The Village Vet

Weird

Capable

Disciplined

Stanley The Village plumber

Functional Alcoholic

Depressed divorcee

Reliable

James Local Fireman/Barman/shooter of seagulls for the Village.

Heroic

Passionate

Depressed

Anton Serbian Spy/Money Lender/Thug

Unintelligent

Delusions of power

Treacherous

Work up from The Bittersweet of Summer’s End. The Village Fringe 2

SITUATION

A trap is being laid to lure Anton (Serbian spy/thug) into working with the village men to commit a crime. The purpose is to infiltrate the Serbian gang which Russian spies hide undercover, as double agents. Tonight, Caleb has been let out of the brigg to aid in netting Anton. He has come home to find his wife (Cleo) with James.

INT.CLEO’S BEDROOM UPSTAIRS FROM THE PUB/NIGHT

CALEB

Crashes the bedroom door open gun in hand, takes the safety off. Points the rifle at James, shoots twice. Caleb is drunk, he misses and shoots the chandelier which crashes to the ground.

CALEB

I’m goin’ to kill ya, you bastard!

CALEB Throws down the rifle, lunges at James, and gets him by the throat. They both fall to the floor and roll around fighting.

CLEO

Screams grabs a large antique pitcher off the dresser, and smashes Caleb over the head, knocking him senseless to the ground.

CUT TO

INT.BAR THE ROYAL SWANS/NIGHT

PIERRE, STANLEY, AND JONATHON are downstairs in the bar. Everyone in the bar heard gunshots and the crash of the chandelier. There is a buzz of gossip in the bar.

Stanley is on the phone with Bunny.

STANLEY

Better get down here quick. Caleb’s off his rocker, tried to kill James. Anthony is on his way in the police car, and I think someone has called an ambulance

INT.CLEO’S BEDROOM UPSTAIRS FROM THE PUB/NIGHT

BUNNY

Major Bunny Holmes stands over Caleb, with his fist in Caleb’s face.

I told you to keep a fucking lid on your temper. Now, look at what you’ve done! Attracting unwanted attention.

Bunny pulls a dazed Caleb to his feet.

BUNNY

Anton is in the fucking bar, for God’s sake. Perhaps this will buy you some more ‘street cred’ with Anton. Tell him you slipped the copper a twenty to go away. Just a domestic argument, then change the subject. What did I tell you to say, you idiot?

CALEB

To tell Anton I was not interested in any work he had to offer as we are niche mercenaries, and we got a lot going on right now. Give him a drink and ask him to leave. And to take my jacket off so he sees my tatts.

BUNNY

Right, see that you do it right, or you will be spending an extended stay in the brigg, got it!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Final Scene, Subtext in Script Day 9

Work up from Old Buffalo Hospital FINAL REVISED VERSION

What I learned from this assignment; I experienced this assignment as complex, and positive in that it created a darker side to the story. It was useful for me to go into the assignment with the intent to create darker options for one of the characters and make the script more interesting.

Subtext design for scene elements; Something is off, a plot against another person, competitive agendas.

Main Characters

SARAH WARWICK

SLU conspiring, undercover, sensual, fish out of water. These are the facets that emerge to inform this scene

Sarah is the new mental health worker in a Yukon bush hospital. She is completely out of her urban life element and is trying to fit in.

SITUATION

Today, a group of local people are attempting to get hard evidence to convict a drug-dealing doctor. Sarah has been asked to participate She has fearfully agreed to obtain documents from the doctor’s office while he is on his way to the city.

Sarah has made some friends including Cody Jack a local native life skills coach. He has had an agenda of winning Sarah for himself from the moment he first met her.

Sarah has also struck up a friendship with Dr. Paul Murphy. Sarah is mostly interested in Paul, Cody not as much, though she is enjoying Cody’s interest and is not above flirting with him.

Last night Sarah and her friends attended a sweat ceremony in order to strengthen their courage to deal with what is to come today, a dangerous mission,

Sarah went to the sweat to recover from the trials of her first traumatic days at the hospital and the 1,000-kilometer ride she embarked on with her young son to get to the wilds of the Yukon bush.

ROSE

SLU Rose hides who she really is. Rose is a spy, suspicious, and a competitor. She is vengeful, deceitful, and secretive. She is hiding something.

Rose is the hospital cook and the local medicine woman. She lead the sweat lodge ceremony last night. She has been highly dubious of Sarah’s ability to cope. Rose was surprised when Sarah managed to survive the long and difficult sweat lodge ceremony.

Rose’s marriage is troubled. She is in love with Cody. Rose observed Cody and Sarah playing and splashing in the lake after the sweat ceremony. They were kissing and it infuriated her.

BONNIE

SLU Bonnie is conspiring, hiding something, polite.,

Bonnie is Sarah’s admin assistant. Bonnie likes Sarah and thinks she is doing well considering. Bonnie believes Sarah is genuine if naive. She tested Sarah’s commitment by asking her to be the one to investigate Dr. Suleman’s office for evidence.

SCENE

INT.BONNIE’S OFFICE/DAY

BONNIE

So you are all recovered from last night then? Feeling any better? Are you ready for today?

SARAH

Yeah, better thanks. It was amazing and much more than I could have imagined.

ROSE

Well, I don’t know what you were expecting. It’s just what we do around here. Though, not too bad for a city person, and not from our culture.

BONNIE

I just got a text from Manyrivers, Suleman has been spotted on the road towards the City. Time to go. I have to deliver these documents over to the clinic. Be safe Sarah.

ROSE

No worries, I am stocking the coffee area. I can help; act as a lookout for you Sarah. Just get the documents and whatever else you can find from Suleman’s office.

INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY/DAY

Bonnie leaves for the clinic. Rose walks over to the coffee supplies cupboard, visible in the hallway, then waves Sarah on in the direction of Suleman’s office.

ROSE

Muttering under her breath, with a vengeful intonation.

You are so done Sarah. Now just got to get my husband out of the way.

Sarah enters the doctor’s office warily.

INT.HOSPITAL HALLWAY/DAY

Rose looks towards the Suleman’s office door, waits for Sarah to close it, then Rose hurriedly leaves the area.

INT.WOMENS’ WASHROOM/DAY

Rose uses her cell phone.

ROSE

Speaking fast.

Sarah is in your office.

Rose ends call and quickly exits the washroom.

INT.DOCTOR’S CLINIC/DAY

Bonnie gets another message on her cell. It’s Corporal Manyrivers CUT TO

OTS

The message reads; abort office recon. New information. Suleman is on his way back to the hospital. We are waiting for him at his house, his second stop.

ETA 5 minutes hospital 10 minutes his house. get Sarah out of there now.

BONNIE

Oh my God, he”ll kill her!

Bonnie calls him on her cell phone. Phone rings, no answer. Bonnie runs back to the hospital. DISSOLVE TO

INT.DR.SULEMAN’S OFFICE /DAY

Sarah is frantically going through the desk drawers, not finding anything. As she steps back she notices a briefcase under the desk and pulls it out, and opens it up.

SARAH

Gotcha, you murderous bastard!

The door bangs open, Suleman enters, lunges toward Sarah, and attempts to get the briefcase. Noises of struggle, yelling, screaming. Sarah grabs the fire extinguisher off the wall and smashes Suleman with it. Suleman is enraged and corners Sarah grabbing the briefcase off her and slapping her hard, Sarah screams and falls to the floor knocking her head on the desk. Suleman flees. She blacks out briefly comes round and uses her phone. Calls Manyrivers.

SARAH

Suleman has a briefcase with the evidence in it. He just left the hospital.

PAUL

Paul comes running into the office.

I heard screams, something went wrong? What the hell happened? Are you O.K?

SARAH

Suleman caught me with the evidence we needed. I called Manyrivers. They are ready for him.

PAUL

I’ll catch him before he gets any further.

BONNIE

Bonnie runs into the office.

BONNIE. I know he has a gun in his car, be careful.

ROSE

Rose enters the office.

ROSE

So sorry Sarah, I just left for a minute to go to the kitchen. Are you O.K.?

SARAH

Looks directly at Rose. Says nothing. DISSOLVE TO

END SCENE

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Day 8 Multiple Meanings

What I learned from this assignment. The undercurrent of multiple meanings really added meat to the scene. I was surprised by how much the process did for my work.

Note to readers ;

Matsicho is a Cree word for thank you.

“All my relations.” is a blessing to all the ancestors who have gone before.

Situation: All the characters are about to attend a sweat lodge ceremony.

Characters

SARAH

Sarah (a new mental health worker) is feeling exhausted with stress, she is wondering if this can really help. Sarah is also curious, though not deeply respectful of the rituals. She is being a tourist.

She finds Cody attractive and she is glad he is here tonight. There is chemistry between them, though she does not want a relationship with him, and yet enjoys flirting..

ROSE

Local school cook and medicine woman. Believes herself to be a strong and righteous medicine woman, an example to everyone. Her status as a medicine woman in the community is well respected, she enjoys having the status and takes her role very seriously.

She is very pleased Cody has shown up this time. She is secretly in love with Cody and thinking of leaving Frank

BONNIE

Bonnie is Sarah’s administrative assistant at the hospital. She believes in the power of the sweat ceremony, usually. Bonnie is hoping it will help her with the dangerous plan to take down the corrupt Dr. Suleman.

She is also here to keep an eye out for Sarah. Bonnie is fearful that Sarah will not make it through the sweat.

FRANK

Rose’s husband. He assists Rose at the sweat lodge. ceremonies. He is also Rose’s business manager. They get paid to do events of a cultural and educational nature in the community.

He has been attending Alcoholic Anonymous for years. He falls off the wagon now and again.

He is fed up with Rose dragging him out when his favorite hockey team is playing. He would like to quit doing the ceremonies and just stay home, drink some beers and watch hockey games.

Rose has him sleeping in the basement at the moment. He is in the dog house due to his last drinking spree.

CODY

Old Buffalo’s life coach for disadvantaged teens. He goes to the sweat only occasionally. He is here tonight because he heard Sarah was going. His agenda is to have a committed relationship with Sarah. He thinks of her as a trophy.

ALBERT

He is the prisoner’s life skills coach. He is glad to get out of jail for the day. He likes the sweat lodge and treats it with respect. He believes the prisoners don’t care about the sweat at all and just want to get a day pass.

PRISONERS

They have varying agendas. This is their first sweat lodge experience. They are all glad to get out and enjoy the fresh air and the feeling of freedom. One is considering legging it after the sweat. Another is heartbroken being away from his family and will appeal to the Creator for help.

One of the prisoners is coming down off drugs, he is new. They haven’t given him any meds at the prison. He is wondering if he can take the rigors of the sweat. None of them really expect very much from the entire sweat experience they are jaded and cynical.

SCENE From Old Buffalo Hospital

ESTABLISHING. CLEARING IN A BUSH AREA WITH A LAKE BEHIND THE SWEAT LODGE AND A LARGE FIRE BURNING

EXT. SWEAT LODGE-DAY

Frank is tending the fire. He moves large rocks around in the fire. He is the ‘rock man.’

Rose the hospital cook is the medicine woman leading the sweat event. She greets participants, a group of six male prisoners from the local jail, and their life coach approaches the fire area. Cody, Sarah, and Bonnie follow.

Rose, carrying herself with great authority in her body language, gestures for them to come over to the fire area. There is a drum-playing quietly nearby.

ROSE

Welcome, this is my husband Frank. He will now say a blessing to the four directions before we enter the sweat lodge.

Rose’s words do not match her demeanor. She is not creating welcoming energy., she looks pissed off. The facial expressions of the participants change to wary and worried.

Rose looks at Frank directly and makes harsh eye contact. Her mouth is tight, her expression stern towards Frank.

V.O. ROSE Don’t screw this up Frank

FRANK

V.O. Jesus, the old bitch. I’m doing my best.

Frank stands throughout the blessing with his arms outstretched and moves towards each direction in turn. He speaks in a theatre-style manner with strength and sincerity in his delivery of the blessing.

FRANK contd.

Great Spirit of East, of the sun, we thank you for the gift of this day. Thank you for bringing your light.

Great Spirit of the North, give us the courage to endure whatever the north may bring.

Great Spirit of the west, of beautiful sunsets, bring us your beauty at the end of our sweat ceremony. Help us to live our life mindful that we will have a final sunset.

Great Spirit of the south, comfort us with your warm breezes when our lives feel cold and heavy. Bring us back to the warmth of life. Make us remember we are one with all of life. All my relations.

The expression and submissive posture of the participants change noticeably, from down caste to looking upward towards Frank, alert.

FRANK contd.

Now, please come and see what our brothers from the prison have built here, with hard work and diligence. Look at the way your sweat lodge is constructed. Everything is from mother earth, the willow branches, the grasses that bind the branches together.

The prisoners smile at each other, surprised at the acknowledgment of their hard day’s work.

Frank pulls back the blankets over the sweat lodge to reveal the construction of the lodge to Connie, Sarah, and Cody. It is perfectly constructed. Then Frank replaces the blankets. They look impressed. Frank is smiling, feeling appreciated for his efforts.

Sarah moves closer to look at the willow branch bindings. She is beginning to show an engaged interest in the proceedings.

FRANK

The blankets are for honoring the darkness of the mother earth’s womb, and they keep in the steam. The rock man will sacrifice his opportunity to be in the sweat lodge to tend the fire and bring in new rocks between rounds.

The attendants look nervously at each other, they are not sure where this is all going, or what to expect next.

ROSE

We enter the sweat lodge on our hands and knees to show respect for mother earth. We enter in a clockwise direction.

ROSE V.O. I wonder if any of them really give a dam. Let’s hope the white woman doesn’t blackout and fall into the pit. I had better keep an eye on the drug guy, in case he starts to fit.

ROSE

If you feel unwell at any time during the sweat, or if you wish to leave at any time, this is fine. Your participation brings strength and power to the sweat. If you have to leave we will say prayers for you.

ROSE V.O.

V.O. I doubt that any of these pretenders can go for more than two rounds of rocks. Frank is going to be in a bad mood again, he wants to get home early for the hockey game.

ROSE

Today we have a woman who has come a long way to help at the hospital. She is not First Nations, this brings more power to the sweat.

ROSE.

V.O. Silly woman she has no idea what’s coming.

ROSE

Prepare yourselves to enter, you can leave your street clothes here. Follow me.

Apprehension shows on everyone’s faces The participants remove their jeans and other clothes to reveal they are all in bathing trunks and the women in swimsuits. They avoid eye contact with each other, except for Cody and Sarah. Sarah sneaks a sideways glance at Cody’s impressive body. Cody looks straight at Sarah with an unguarded look of lust. Rose is watching them.

ROSE V.O.

Whatever happens, she is going to get what she deserves.

Sarah keeps a long man’s shirt on over her swimsuit., and opens all of the buttons.

Frank moves to pull back the blankets covering the opening to the sweat lodge.

Rose drops to hands and knees and enters the lodge. The others follow.

INT.SWEAT LODGE/DAY

There is a pit approximately four feet deep in the ground with red hot rocks. The pit is circumnavigated by a shelf- like platform of grass and earth, wide enough for the participants to sit on, yet frighteningly close to the edge of the pit and the red hot rocks.

Sarah observes the large red hot rocks with horror.

The participants enter on all fours in silence. There are sounds of the fire cracking, and the quiet heartbeat of the drum. Sarah enters nervously., shaking as she crawls around the narrow edge of the pit. She looks at the pit, terrified by what she sees. The rock man closes the blankets over the opening. The interior is pitch black except for the menacing glow of the red hot glowing rocks. The participants are barely visible to each other.

V.O. SARAH

If this is meant to be healing, why am I so terrified, the whole thing seems bloody dangerous. What have I got myself into?

ROSE

Rose sits up erect, her tone of voice and body language are of power and authority.

Rose throws cedar and tobacco on the fire which makes it crackle and spit loudly. Rose throws several ladles of water from a bucket onto the red hot rocks. Steam almost obliterates the interior of the lodge, clearing enough to see the participants.

SARAH

V.O.

I can’t breathe! There is no air going into my lungs!

Rose takes an eagle feather in her hands.

ROSE

We are here today to pray for the strength and healing of ourselves and our community. We will start by sharing the eagle feather which is like our bible to us in our culture.

V.O. ROSE

These ignorant assholes had better pay attention and give respect.

ROSE

I will begin, and then we pass the eagle feather from one to another, you can choose; to speak, or sing or say a prayer, or be silent.

Rose sings in Cree, as she does she holds the eagle feather tenderly looking at it while she caresses the feather. Rose passes the feather on. Participants take it in turn:

Prisoner 1

Shaking hands and voice

Take care of my family. All my relations. Matsicho

PRISONER 2

All my relations. Matsicho

PRISONER 3

I am asking for healing for the nightmares. All my relations. Matsicho.

V.O. I think I am going to puke. Can this work?

BONNIE

I am asking the Creator to heal my community so that my grandson can grow up in a good community. All my relations. Matsicho.

V.O. Is this all for nothing.? Why did you let Nathan shoot himself.? Protect my son if you are there. If Nathan dies I am never coming to the sweat again.

SARAH

I ask for Nathan to be healthy and healed. Matsicho

V.O. I did that O.K. Is this over yet?

MONTAGE OF SHOTS

EXT.SWEAT LODGE contd. Rock man opens blankets takes in a rock for the pit. Blankets close. Sounds of crackling and snapping as Rose throws herbs on rocks and ladles of water. making lots of steam. Quiet drumming in the background.

SARAH V.O.

I think I am going to die. It’s too dark and too hot. I want to go home.

SARAH struggles to inhale.

EXT.SWEAT LODGE.EVENING SUNSET BEFORE DARK.

TRANSITION SHOT PAN TO LAKE

All participants exit the sweat lodge, some take tea at a picnic table, and some walk to the lake, immersing themselves in the water. Sounds of background drumming, fire crackling, the prisoners are laughing and whooping.

CODY

Cody turns to Sarah. Well, that was pretty amazing, right? Well done, we went for seven rounds of rocks. That is a strong sweat! The men seem happier.

CODY V.O.

Pretty amazing they all made it. I didn’t think they would.

SARAH

Well, I didn’t die, though I thought I was going to at times. I do feel better, more clear-headed, and relaxed.

CODY

Let’s go in the lake for a quip dip.

SARAH

I don’t think so, it must be bloody freezing.

CODY

Don’t be a chicken, come on it will help complete the healing. It feels amazing afterward, it does things to your brain, good things. Come in with me.

They make eye contact, Cody is smiling, he holds his hand out to Sarah, she takes off her oversized man’s shirt revealing a swimsuit; holds Cody’s hand. They walk into the lake.

They laugh and splash about. Cody pulls her in close for a long kiss. Sarah pulls back and then returns to Cody for another kiss.

Sarah quickly exits the lake, puts her jeans on, jumps into her vehicle then leaves.

All this is observed by Rose who is standing on shore behind some bushes.

V.O. ROSE

Bitch!

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Directional FOS for subtext

What I learned doing this assignment; It helped me scrutinize my dialogue for more drama and gave me a greater understanding of the depth of what could be accomplished in dialogue.

Situation Sarah Warwick is a brand new mental health worker at a Yukon bush hospital, Old Buffalo. She had a major argument on her first day with the Chief of Medical Staff. Dr. Suleman. What follows is a conversation between Sarah and Geoffrey the hospital administrator

SOMETHING IS OFF.

GEOFFREY HOOKER

Hi Sarah, come on in. How’s the first day in the saddle.

(He already knows her first day was a disaster.)

SARAH

Well, kind of like a rodeo actually. And today is not my official start date. I’ve just come off a long drive and I am anxious to go home. I’ve just spent the last 2 and half hours fielding patients and had a very upsetting meeting with Dr. Suleman. That is what I am here to talk about. I reviewed the files of the patients I saw today. He is prescribing inappropriate drugs in inappropriate amounts for lengthy periods of time.

I tried to talk to him about it and he was totally closed to discussion and quite frankly rude, and unprofessional and he threatened me! What a first day! What can be done about this?

GEOFFREY

Geoffrey leaves Sarah standing; he only makes intermittent shifty eye contact. Body language is one of control, hands together, sitting back in the seat. His tone is one of a headmaster talking to a misbehaving student.

(Implication of power imbalance and disapproval,)

GEOFFREY

Sarah, here we are on your first unofficial day and we already have a wasp’s nest developing with the Chief of Medical Staff. Not great eh? Dr. Suleman has his ways and the patients seem to love him, he gets really good reviews, and that’s good for the hospital.

You have been in the trenches today without any rest from your trip. You’re tired, Sarah. go home and take tomorrow morning off to make up for the hours you put in today. I will have a chat with Teddy Suleman. Things will smooth out after some sleep.

(Implication that Sarah is in the wrong. Insinuates her concerns are invalid.)

SARAH

I’m not surprised that the patients love him. He is practically creating narcotic dependence with inappropriate prescriptions. His files should be audited.

GEOFFREY

How many people did you see today?

(Insinuation that she does not have enough information to make accusations.)

SARAH

Five. Two were a couple.

GEOFFREY

Are you a medical doctor Sarah?

(Sarcasm.)

SARAH

Sarah sounds more and more frantic.

Sarah cont.

No, however, I know that you do not keep people on Vicodin, Demerol, Percocet, and the like, in ever-increasing amounts for long periods of time. And especially not teenagers

Narcotics plus antidepressants are a bad idea. One of the patients has minor arthritis on and off again and he has her on enough Demerol for an elephant for God’s sake. She seems addicted and depressed.

GEOFFREY

And what exactly do you want me to do about your anecdotal observations? Call the College of Physicians and Surgeons?

(Sarcasm)

You do not have enough hard data to make a complaint. If I were in your shoes, I would put the brakes on right now, Before you embarrass yourself and the hospital.

(Implicates her accusations will get her into trouble.)

I seem to remember your background is working with senior citizens, and community outreach if I remember correctly.

(Insinuating she is inadequate in her experience.)

This is a big step up for you Sarah. Are you sure you have the chops for the job? The salary is excellent and so are the benefits. You are a single mother, aren’t you?

(Implication that she is vulnerable due to her personal circumstances snd could lose her job.)

I hope you can learn to get along with Dr. Suleman. Perhaps you owe him an apology?

Better go home now and have a careful think about your circumstances and your career. That is if Dr. Suleman doesn’t ask for you to be replaced. See you tomorrow Sarah, and think about what I said.

(Insinuation she will lose her job. if she does not toe the line and bow down to Suleman’s authority..)

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Cover-ups Day 6

What I learned from this assignment; Another way to improve the drama and improve the entertainment experience. Some of the choices have the power to take a script off in a whole new direction of twists. I will be on the lookout for more opportunities to do cover-ups. They are fun to do.

The Bittersweet of Summer’s End

SITUATION

Characters

Cleo co-owner of the pub, Caleb’s wife, and James the barman’s lover,

James, the local hero, Cleo’s lover, and the barman.

Anton Serbian thug/spy

ANTON a Serbian spy has been lured to The Royal Swans pub. He wants to do business with Caleb the pub owner.

ANTON

Hello, hey, is anyone serving?”

CLEO
Cleo looks around the corner of the bar and hisses at James.

Crikey, it’s Anton, just as Bunny said he would show up.

EXAMPLE SILENCE no one answers, Anton leaves. (This subtext could create a whole new story web)

JAMES
Good evening, what can I get you, sir? We haven’t seen you in here
before, have we? We usually know all our customers, so you must be a tourist. What are you having to drink?

EXAMPLE James uses misdirection. James knows why Anton is here. James is hiding something.

ANTON
Do you have vodka? Give me two shots and a glass of water. I want
to speak to Caleb. Send him over to my table.

EXAMPLE

JAMES

So are you new to the area, a tourist perhaps?

Changes the subject

continues the conversation as if nothing has happened

JAMES
I’m sorry, he isn’t here. He will be away for some months. Can I
help?

EXAMPLE is lying, being polite, hiding something

ANTON
Yes, I want to speak to Caleb.

EXAMPLE Plotting

JAMES
As I just told you he is not available, we don’t even know when he is
coming back or even if he is coming back. Who are you, anyway?

EXAMPLE

James is lying, distracting and attacking with demanding information from Anton.

ANTON
Give him this number, and tell him to call his friend, Anton. My name
is Anton. Got it?

EXAMPLE

Anton is attacking the smoke screen with a demand for contact. His comments indicate that nothing has changed for Anton, he continues on with demands.

His last phrase “Got it?” has a threatening tone, (implied.)

BEST/FINAL CHOICES

ANTON

Hello, hey, is anyone serving?”

CLEO
Cleo looks around the corner of the bar and hisses at James.

Crikey, it’s Anton, just as Bunny said he would show up.

JAMES

Good evening, what can I get you, sir? We haven’t seen you in here
before, have we? We usually know all our customers, so you must be a tourist. What are you having to drink?

EXAMPLE James uses misdirection. James knows why Anton is here. James is hiding something.

ANTON
Do you have vodka? Give me two shots and a glass of water. I want
to speak to Caleb. Send him over to my table.

JAMES

I’m sorry, he isn’t here. He will be away for some months. Can I
help?

EXAMPLE is lying, being polite, hiding something

ANTON
Yes, I want to speak to Caleb.

EXAMPLE Plotting

JAMES
As I just told you he is not available, we don’t even know when he is
coming back or even if he is coming back. Who are you, anyway?

EXAMPLE

James is lying, distracting, and attacking by demanding information from Anton.

ANTON
Give him this number, and tell him to call his friend, Anton. My name
is Anton. Got it?

EXAMPLE

Anton is attacking the smokescreen with a demand for contact. His comments indicate that nothing has changed for Anton, he continues on with demands.

His last phrase “Got it?” has a threatening tone, (implied.)

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

What I learned from this assignment. Actually, I found it quite challenging and wrote this brand new scene which really added punch, and underlined the previous scene; The Gathering.

OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL

BACKGROUND

Sarah has barely arrived at her new posting at a job in the Yukon bush. She is immediately thrown into a chaotic mess of drug deals, teenagers committing suicide, and a corrupt doctor. A couple of days into her new life in the surrounding aboriginal community, she is invited to a clandestine meeting where a group of locals plotting to take down the corrupt doctor.

Sarah has been introduced to the people in attendance. A plan has been hatched. Sarah wants to help and do things the right way, the legal way. However, she is exhausted from the trip and excuses herself from the friendly gathering.

Subtext No one wants to tell the person.

INT. BONNIE AND ABE’S FARMHOUSE CONTD./NIGHT

ROSE

I just knew it. She’s not going to be any use to us.

CODY

Hold on a minute, didn’t you say she went seven rounds of rocks at the sweat lodge? She’s a strong girl, just tired, give her a chance Rose.

ROSE (SUBTEXT, Rose resents Sarah as Rose has a crush on Cody and Cody fancies Sarah)

Cody, just watch yourself with Sarah. She’s not going to be interested in you. What does she know about our culture, or what it’s like to deal with drugs and killings, our kids getting into trouble? Don’t think with your dick eh Cody?

MANYRIVERS

She took charge of the emergency with Al’s son today. She seems alright to me. She just drove over 1000 kilometers to get here with her kid. I think she has guts.

BONNIE

SUBTEXT Bonnie does not want to say to the group or tell Sarah that she will not make it. Bonnie senses that Sarah’s confidence is a mask, that underneath there is fragility, a cover up.

Well, I think she has her own reasons for being here, that has nothing to do with us. Confidential if you know what I mean. All you people who come up here are either adventurers, escaping something, or seeking a quick, big paycheck. We don’t have much choice, she is here now. Anyway, she was pretty confident and caring at the hospital today, and she took on that creep Suleman and told him where she stood. So I say, give her the benefit of the doubt. Let’s hope she doesn’t let us down.

WINSTON

SUBTEXT Winston is hiding his stint in prison. Secretly hopes that the digging-up of Sarah’s stuff does not extend to him. Cover up

WINSTON

No doubt we all have something private in our past, whatever it is, it’s going to be hard on her, up here in the bush for sure. Give her a chance I say. Let’s see what the city girl is made of.

When will Sarah’s capacity to cope be revealed? When the challenge is issued to act on the plan and she is invited to take part.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s SYMBOL

What I learned from this assignment is; I love symbols, the exercise came at the perfect time to remind me of their importance. The work in progress, Old Buffalo Hospital, has many symbols throughout. It takes place in an aboriginal community. I have worked with indigenous people and built a business around symbols (Feng Shui) so I loved this exercise. Symbols are the subtext of the universe!

OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL

BACKGROUND

SARAH WARWICK is a young single newly out of work mental health worker. She has a 5-year-old son Eli. Sarah is desperate to find work. The first encounter with the symbol is at the closing down of her place of work, Hearts and Hands Seniors Drop-In Centre.

INTRODUCE THE SYMBOL, EAGLE.

EXT.SUBURBAN RESIDENTIAL STREET/DAY

EXT.LARGE OLD HOUSE-DAY-ESTABLISHING

CHARLIE WUTNEY A noticeably elderly Aboriginal man approaches Sarah. Charlie opens a folded bandana he has in his hand, to reveal a silver eagle on a thin piece of deerskin leather.

CHARLIE

This is for you Sarah, it’s just a little something to say thank you. It belonged to my grandmother, she was a powerful medicine woman. Wear it when you need a little help. Then watch out for an eagle to show up.

Sarah hugs Charlie

SARAH

Thank you. It’s beautiful. Your grandmother’s? Are you sure Charlie? We don’t often get eagles here in the city, though we could sure use an eagle about now.

CHARLIE

Maybe it oughta be a horse? Had a dream about a horse last night. Couldn’t figure it out. Maybe it was the pickles I ate with my poutine. Maybe it was the poutine, too much gravy giving me wild horse dreams. This morning I had a brilliant breakfast, cold pizza, and coke, my fave eh Sarah? That caffeine fires up my old brain. Then I had this epiphany. You are going on a journey. That’s the meaning of the horse dream.

SARAH

I am going to miss you my friend and especially your stories. I’ll still be here in the city though, I am a city girl for sure Charlie. Maybe we’ll run into each other.

CHARLIE

No, I am going to stay with my sister. Heading out to Las Vegas on the Greyhound. Gonna play the slots, see some shows. And you are not going to be here either Sarah. My horse dream says you are going on a journey, a real big journey that is much more than going from one place to another. Look for eagles, Sarah.

Sarah hugs Charlie

BACKGROUND At the end of her witts with worry about finding a job, Sarah has very reluctantly taken a job in the Yukon bush, and now she is on her way to the hospital.

SCENE 2

SET ITS MEANING POWERFULLY SO THE AUDIENCE WILL RESPOND

EXT.ESTABLISHING-DAY

EXT. AERIAL VIEW OF SARAH’S CAR ON A LONG ROAD THROUGH THE NORTHERN BUSH

INT.SARAH’S CAR-DAY

Sarah and Eli are singing the Skinnermeryrinky Dink song. Sarah is wearing the eagle talisman.

ELI

I’m tired Mom, and I need to go pee again.

Sarah

O.K. Give me a minute to find a good spot and pull over.

EXT. SARAH’S CAR-DAY

Sarah’s car rounds a sharp bend and comes to a sudden screeching halt. There are many buffalo (at least 50) on the road some lying on the road and some wandering around. One stops and looks right at Sarah.

SARAH.

Sarah screams, speaking fast, slamming on the brakes.

SARAH

Oh my God. Oh my God. We could have been killed, they are as big as a bus. What the F do I do now. Are they going to charge us? Maybe I should reverse. Oh Jesus..hold on Eli

Sarah roughly handles the car slams it into reverse, she starts to turn the car around throwing up lots of dust, and then slams on the brakes again. …

EXT.ROAD AROUND SARAH’S CAR-DAY

A motorbike roars alongside Sarah’s vehicle.

CODY JACK is a very handsome indigenous man, approximately mid 30’s, tall, well built. Wearing motorbike gear, with an eagle emblazoned across the back of the jacket.

ELI

An eagle! Look Mum!

CODY JACK

Good afternoon, nice day for a ride. The buffalo look happy. They must have had a good day of grazing and no one was shooting at them. Where are you headed?

SARAH

Oh my God. Thought we were done for, they are huge! I’m headed for Old Buffalo Hospital.

CODY

Yes, I thought so. You are Sarah, right on. Bonnie said you would be coming up the road. Nice to meet you. Looks like The buffalo are here to welcome you. An encounter with the buffalo means you are being welcomed.

SARAH

Really? Well that’s great. I’m just glad we haven’t been killed!

CODY

No worries Sarah. Follow behind me slowly. I’ll see you up across the bridge to the hospital.

Sarah moves her head to get a look at Cody’s jacket.

SARAH

Look Eli. There’s a huge eagle on his jacket. Eagles are good luck and blessings.

SARAH CONTD.

EXT. hospital ROAD-SARAH’S CAR and CODY’S BIKE-DAY

POV Follow the trip to the hospital. Car and bike pull up.

SARAH

Thank you so much for the escort. Who are you?

CODY

I’m the local expert on all things Old Buffalo, businessman, arranger of fun times, and man about town! It’s Cody Jack at your service, Miss Sarah.

SARAH

Thank you again. You probably saved us from death by Buffalo! I thought I would like to drive around the town first and get a look at the place.

ELI

I wanna go pee now Mom!

Sarah

O.K. There’s a perfectly good bush just here. I’ll come with you. Thanks Cody. We’ll be OK now, I can see the Hospital from here.

Sarah exits the car and walks toward Cody.

CODY

I can show you the way around the town if you like. Give you the full tour and expert commentary.

SARAH

You have been very helpful. Thank you so much. We’ll be OK It’s not that big of a place. I’m sure we will see each other again.

Cody stands a little closer to Sarah, she does not move, they don’t smile, or speak they look into each other’s eyes,

LONG BEAT

Then they both give each other little smiles. Cody mounts his bike and roars off.

SARAH

Well my God, what a start! I think I’m still in shock. O.K. if you are all done watering the grass, let’s go take a look at our new home and get something to eat.

ELI

I’m not hungry. I feel a bit like I’m going to throw up.

SARAH

O.K. let’s walk around in the fresh air for a bit.

ELI

Mom are you going to make me eat moose stew, Cause I will really get sick then.

SARAH

No, Eli, they have ordinary food here. I’m sure They have hamburgers and french fries in the hospital cafeteria, probably jello too.

ELI

OK, I’m alright now, only if I don’t have to eat a moose. Let’s go, I would like a hamburger and jello and french fries.

EXT.HOSPITAL ESTABLISHING-DAY

Eli shields his eyes and looks upward to the sky.

ELI

Look, Mum! It’s an eagle. Wow! Look at his huge wings, like a pterodactyl from Jurassic Park, he’s swooping like a kite!

SARAH

It’s a sign! Thank you eagle.

An eagle flies over the hospital building. Sarah and Eli are walking through the entrance doors.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Subtext Relationship Day 3

What I learned from this assignment is; that I have been taking the power of subtext for granted and not using it enough. It certainly adds to the spice of a scene, (entertainment value)and adds to the options for the actors to express themselves.

OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL

Situation: All the characters in the scene are related in one way or another to the hospital and the community. Drugs, alcohol, and deaths are rife in Old Buffalo. Tonight, they are meeting under cover of darkness and away from the prying eyes of the community, at Connie and Abe’s farm. They are trying to come up with a plan to obtain evidence and prosecute the drug-dealing doctor Teddy Suleman.

ACT II

CHARACTERS

SARAH WARWICK single mom, brand new mental health worker, out of her depth in an aboriginal community. Exudes confidence at work, sometimes the mask slips. and her fragility and fears show.

BONNIE SMITH competent, determined to pull the community together, but running out of steam. Her son died in an alcohol/vehicle-related incident. No one knows she is taking antidepressants not even her husband. She is considering leaving Old Buffalo. Thinks Sarah does not have the chops.

ABE SMITH Bonnie’s husband is a good man. Loves Old Buffalo, and will not leave the community. Keeps his domestic problems with Bonnie to himself. He is having heart problems. No confidence in the new white woman.

Dr. PAUL MURPHY On a temporary visa from Ireland, divorced. Wants to go home to his Dad and his son, Lonely, and charming. Sketchy relationship skills. Terrified, one of the local teenagers will die on his watch. Really fancies Sarah.

CODY JACK Traditional (skills) indigenous man, good looking, charming. Con artist. Wants what he wants. Thinks about making it big in the city. Hates what is happening in the community. Thinks Sarah would be a good catch and boost his position/ego.

WINSTON SMALLWOLF Traditional male, skilled bushman. Proud to keep the community safe from bears etc. Detests the doctor they are meeting about. A secretly recovering alcoholic from a neighboring reserve did some time in prison, hoping his past won’t catch up with him.

AL ROSENBERG Junior doctor here as a locum. Tries to fit in, underneath feels distant from the community. Homesick, wonders if it’s all hopeless. Alarmed at the number of difficult/dangerous births among teen Moms. Would like to help, but feels clueless. Professionally teaming up with Fern

CORPORAL WILL SHIRE Indigenous policeman, speaks several indigenous languages. Was abused as a child. Really cares about the community, frustrated as no one will tell him anything.

CORPORAL BRIAN MANY RIVERS Indigenous policemen, likes everything modern, not traditional. Fed up with the difficult posting. Tries to initiate developments, runs into brick walls of resistance.

ROSE RUNNING COYOTE The hospital cook, (married) local medicine woman, leads all the sweat ceremonies. Believes she knows everything that is going on. Is suspicious of the new white girl, and keeping an eye on her. Does not understand why Sarah is here. Rose has a secret love for Cody.

FERN JONES Sexual health educator. Treated like a black sheep at the hospital, which is mostly staffed by Catholic indigenous women. Trying hard, feel like she is against a wall. Only here because she went bankrupt with online gaming and needs the money. Fantasizes about running away with Abe.

JERIMIAH Non-practicing Mennonite. Local grain farmer, not well-liked a slimy character. Has a meth lab in the bush on his farm. Fancies Sarah knows she is out of his league.

KRISTA School board official with aspirations to politics. Wants to get rid of Suleman and clean up with the community as a feather in her cap.

INT. BONNIE’S FAMILY HOME-NIGHT

(a farmhouse, they raise cattle; mooing sounds in the background)

BONNIE

Come on in Sarah. Take your coat off. Eli can go and play with my grandson, Chance. He’s in the T.V. room.

SARAH

Thanks for this Bonnie. Let’s hope we can do something, anything to find out what’s been going on.

BONNIE

So this is a group of friends and neighbors all have concerns about Dr. Suleman. You’ve already met my friend Rose, the hospital cook. She is an elder and Old Buffalo’s very own medicine woman. This is Krista; she is a mom with two teenagers at the High school. Krista works for the school board administration office, and she’s the local beekeeper. Fern here is the sex educator with public health. You haven’t met her.

FERN

I’m in the office around the corner from your office. The other nurses in public health have made it clear I’m not welcome, so you won’t find me at their gossipy coffee mornings.

SARAH

Well, you are always welcome to have coffee in my office.

WINSTON SMALLWOLF

Hi there Sarah, I’m Winston the Bear Man. Not bare naked. I just mind the bears, keep an eye on them. I will be coming over to your place tomorrow to clear out some of the trees around your cabin. We usually cut them back to 100 feet from the cabin. That way it’s easier for you to see if there are any bears on the property. They generally don’t like coming into the open. If you see one, stay in the house and call the park warden and he will radio me to come on over. Always, without fail, use your bear door window before opening the door, and fasten the bolts, top, and bottom when you are inside. Do not attempt to run for your vehicle. These bears can run real fast. And don’t let your son out in the yard by himself. The safest place in the schoolyard for outdoor play, with an adult. It’s too soon for you to know who you can trust around here.

SARAH

Holy crap, I didn’t realize it was such a big deal with the bears here!

WINSTON

It’s because the cabin they allotted to you, it’s on the bear trail. Get them to assign you a different one as soon as possible. There is a vacant one right in Old Buffalo, next door to the pharmacist’s house.

CODY

Hi again Sarah. Are you feeling better from the sweat?

SARAH

Sarah blushes and avoids direct eye contact.

ROSE is watching Sarah’s expression like a hawk.

SARAH CONTD

Yes, thanks.

BONNIE

Cody is running the local youth group, teaching traditional skills; that are youth have been not using. So Cody teaches them fishing, and trapping, and takes them to drum circles and camping right Cody?

CODY

And don’t forget the Hand Games Tournament! You’re in for a real northern experience. We have a tournament coming up.

SARAH

Well, that’s if I last. Between Dr.Suleman threatening me, and the buffalo, really I don’t know if I am going to stay. While I’m here, I’m just doing my job, trying to ensure the safety and well-being of the patients. I don’t want to ever experience the tragedy we had today. A teen trying to shoot himself, with narcotics on board; and alcohol in his blood work.

PAUL

Paul casually moves to sit next to Sarah on the sofa. Cody trying not to notice, still looks disgusted. Rose’s eyes dart back and forth.

PAUL CONTD

Apparently, he is hanging in. The medivac hospital trip was successful. However, we don’t know if it’s the same Nathan coming out of this, as the Nathan before he took a rifle to his head. It’s a tragedy.

BONNIE

These guys aren’t in their uniforms; this is Brian and Will, two of the local police officers. They have their concerns over drugs really showing up more than ever in the local area.

JERIMIAH

Hey Sarah, welcome to Old Buffalo, sorry it’s been unpleasant. It’s not always this dark with grief and sadness. We have our good times too. I’m just a local farmer.

BONNIE

And of course, you already know these two docs, Abe and Paul. and This is my husband, Arthur.

ARTHUR

There’s tea and bannock on the table. I made the bannock while Bonnie was at work.

BONNIE

So we are all agreed. There is a monster of a problem with drugs.

DR. AL ROSENBERG

We know there are drugs being sold in the community. I am seeing more and more frequently teens coming in with overdoses, accidental with alcohol as well. Sometimes I see injuries that would match with beatings. Broken bones, including one skull fracture, knife wounds. It’s pretty horrific. I don’t think they get this much drama in a city ghetto.

DR. PAUL MURPHY

And it’s not just boys. The girls are coming in with signs of rape, beatings, and I had one girl covered in burn marks..

CORPORAL WILL SHIREWhen Brian or myself try to interview victims, they will not talk. Literally, they go mute. I feel like I am banging my head against a wall.

CORPORAL BRIAN MANY RIVERS

The youngest kid I have seen with pills was a ten-year-old girl. She tried to hang herself in the school bathroom. She actually went completely mute for several months. Even now she hardly talks and she would not tell us anything.

SARAH

How is this happening?

BRIAN

Every one of us here knows exactly what is going on. But we don’t have any hard evidence.

CODY

I have friends, and contacts in the other nearby communities. They are also having the same problems. My contacts know where the drugs are coming from. Some of them have been offered money to distribute. They won’t talk to the police either.

DR AL ROSENBERG

One of the fathers did try to talk. He was found beaten within an inch of his life, in a ditch in freezing weather last winter. It’s a wonder he wasn’t killed. I had about 30 staples in him to close the wounds. He was in the hospital for a week.

KRISTA

and what would have happened to his wife and kids if he had died? A life on welfare, starving for the last two weeks of every month?

BONNIE

We think, pretty much know, Dr. Suleman has a distribution network. He has several ways of getting drugs in quantity to the youth. One way is Hells Angels on Skidoos in winter, bikes in good weather across the U.S. border. They bring in more drugs than Suleman can procure for sale himself. We have seen them. They just disappear into the bush. Another way is he writes extra prescriptions, Gets people hooked, and then has them sell the stuff he seems to get his hands-on, in exchange for more pills and money. I have been keeping an eye on him for a while now. He has two phones and two laptops. One is a burner phone.

BRIAN

That’s the type of phone the gangs use. He has gifted the kids burner phones. We have found some smashed up and thrown on the river bank.

SARAH

What are we going to do?

BRIAN

We are going to do this the legal way, with a warrant.

BONNIE

He is going to the big city for a meeting on Friday. Could we search the office then?

WILL

And his house. What about his wife?

BONNIE

No worries, she is with the kids in the City. I guess they are going to meet up. There’s no love lost there;he smacks her around. Though, she won’t want to lose her doctor’s wife’s salary.

SARAH

Sarah’s body language is closed, and self-protective, her voice, and facial expression are strained.

SARAH

I’m not ready for any of this. My head is spinning just hearing all of this nightmare. I’m a city girl without this kind of experience and I nearly lost my job on the first day. Look, I get what you are saying. I need some time to figure out what and how to deal with this, and quite frankly I am just bloody exhausted! I want to help Nathan and his family. It’s just all this is happening so fast. Dr. Suleman should be assessed, and certified, he is totally nuts, Delusional. I have no idea how to deal with him. And Geoffrey the Hospital administrator was basically useless and enabling. I don’t think I stand much of a chance of doing anything useful with those two slime balls in my way. I have to go home and get some sleep. I’m sorry!

[anna harper]

DAY 1

ANNA’S SUBTEXT REVEAL SCENE

What I learned from this assignment; Being aware of subtext has enabled me to amp up the electricity in the scene and has also had consequences for changing the story web.

WOOD BUFFALO HOSPITAL

Character Name CODY

Subtext Identity Life coach, man about town. hero

Character Traits Scheming, narcissistic tendencies, intelligent, lonely

Subtext Logline

Cody appears very sure of himself while hiding his insecurities from others. He has pride in his work and prefers to be a hot dog rather than a team player.

Possible areas of subtext

Quickly sizes up Sarah as a prize that would suit his ego. Schemes to get her. Uses his competencies as a way of displaying his manhood. for example, hunting prowess.

Character Name SARAH

Subtext Identity mental health worker hiding her own issues

Character Traits

Hidden fragility, too empathic for her own good, poor assessor of danger, willing to take risks despite her fears.

Subtext Logline

Sarah will gird her loins and deal with her fear in order to do what is right firstly for her son and then for the community. She is a wounded romantic. Overconfident in her abilities in dangerous situations.

Possible areas of subtext

Displays confidence when deep down she is scared shitless. Has issues with taking relationship entanglements. Highly empathic, yet still learning to have healthy boundaries which are constantly tested in a wounded community. Falls for bad boys.

SITUATION:

SARAH is driving towards a new work destination in the Yukon bush when she encounters CODY.

CODY

Good afternoon, nice day for a ride. The buffalo look happy. They must have had a good day grazing and no one was shooting at them. Where are you headed? LYING, CONCEALING, WAS TOLD OF SARAH’S ARRIVAL AND DECIDED TO CHECK OUT THE NEW FEMALE PROSPECT FOR HIS OWN BENEFIT

SARAH

Oh my God. Thought we were done for, they are huge! I’m headed for Old Buffalo Hospital.

UNAWARE, UNPREPARED OF THE REAL NORTHERN DANGERS

CODY

Nice to meet you. Looks like The buffalo are here to welcome you. An encounter with the buffalo means you are being welcomed. CHARM OFFENSIVE, SHOWING OFF HIS KNOWLEDGE OF WILDLIFE BEHAVIOUR

SARAH

Really? Well, that’s great. I’m just glad we haven’t been killed! UNDER PRESSURE OF DANGER, HER FRAGILITY SHOWS UP

CODY

No worries Sarah. Follow behind me slowly. I’ll see you up across the bridge to the hospital.

DISPLAYING HIS HERO TRAIT, A PART OF HIS SCHEME TO WIN THE INTEREST OF THE NEW MENTAL HEALTH WORKER

Sarah moves her head to get a look at Cody’s jacket.

SARAH

Look, Eli. There’s a huge eagle on his jacket. Eagles are good luck and blessings.

EXT. hospital ROAD-SARAH’S CAR and CODY’S BIKE-DAY

POV Follow the trip to the hospital. Car and bike pull up.

SARAH

Thank you so much for the escort. Who are you?

CODY

I’m the local expert on all things Old Buffalo, businessman, arranger of fun times, man about town! It’s Cody Jack at your service, Miss Sarah. NARCISSISTIC TENDENCY PEEKING THROUGH, SHOWING HIS STATUS, PURPOSEFUL DISPLAY TO HOOK SARAH’S INTEREST

SARAH

Thank you again. You probably saved us from death by Buffalo! I thought I would like to drive around the town first and get a look at the place.

ELI

I wanna go pee now Mom!

Sarah

O.K. There’s a perfectly good bush just here. I’ll come with you. Thanks Cody. We’ll be OK now, I can see the Hospital from here.

Sarah exits the car and walks toward Cody.

A MOTH TO A FLAME, BAD BOY ATTRACTION, AND AMBIVALENCE.

CODY

I can show you the way around the town if you like. Give you the full tour and expert commentary. SCHEMING, SURE OF HIMSELF, HEROIC CAPABILITY

SARAH

You have been very helpful. Thank you so much. We’ll be OK It’s not that big of a place. I’m sure we will see each other again. GUT FEELING SHE SHOULD ERECT BOUNDARIES, TOO MUCH CHEMISTRY PROBABLY A BAD BOY, FEELING VULNERABLE.

Cody stands a little closer to SARAH, she does not move, they don’t smile, or speak, they look into each other’s eyes, LONG BEAT Then they both give each other little smiles. Cody mounts his bike and roars off.

CODY DEMONSTRATES HIS PROWESS, IN RESPONSE TO SARAH’S REBUFF. SARAH HAS A FATAL ATTRACTION ALARM GOING OFF IN THE MIDST OF GRATITUDE AND FATIGUE. NOT A MEET-CUTE. MORE A MEET DYNAMITE.

SARAH

Well my God, what a start! (NOT ONLY TALKING ABOUT THE BUFFALO HERE ) think I’m still in shock. O.K. if you are all done watering the grass, let’s go take a look at our new home and get something to eat.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Page Turner Day 10 Applying Boldness

What I learned from this assignment; paying attention to all of the options for drama is helpful in amping up the tension.

OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL

CHARACTERS

SARAH WARWICK

Traits. Anxious occasionally drinks too much. Empathic, believes in the principles of ethics. Assertive.

Subtext. Lonely, putting a brave face on situations. Unsure if she is up to it, and terrified she is not.

Character Logline. What’s happening to my life? Is it going to get better, is there light at the end of the tunnel?

SARAH WARWICK

Is a 30-something urban woman, single mother to 5-year-old Eli. Maggie’s son is everything to her. Recently, the charity she worked for was closed. With almost no money to provide for herself and her son. She leaves her friends and the city life she is accustomed to, with trepidation, she has signed up for the unknown; a job at a hospital in the Yukon bush.

DR. SULEMAN

Traits Power mad. Loves money. Occasionally smacks his wife around. Loves his children.

Subtext. Creeping fear my wife may leave me. I can’t stop myself from doing what I’m doing I am addicted to the life I have created. I won’t get caught.

Character Logline A big fish hiding in a small remote pond.

DR. TEDDY SULEMAN

Suleman is the Chief of Medical Staff at Old Buffalo Hospital. He is a tall well built, very charismatic, attractive man, of African heritage. His manner is both charming and overbearing. He has a megalomaniac character. Suleman is the local kingpin as a drug distributor for all of the north. As far as he is able, he finds out his staff’s weaknesses and exploits them to serve his agenda.

SITUATION

SARAH WARWICK has newly arrived at her job as a mental health worker at a Yukon bush hospital. Sarah recently became unemployed As a desperate single mother, she has taken a job with many unknowns in a dangerous environment. She has no experience in the north and is meeting the Chief of Medical Staff for the first time. Locally, drug and alcohol problems are rife.

SULEMAN

Well, how was your first day? I hear you had to pitch in early. That’s how it is here Sarah. All teamwork. You know what I mean, don’t you Sarah?

Dr. Suleman puts His hand on Sarah’s shoulder. Sarah’s face exhibits disdain

SARAH

I certainly do. Everyone has been most helpful. Very professional.

DR. SULEMAN

Here, I am the captain of my ship. Master and Commander. My word is gold here Sarah. No questions asked. We all do as we are asked, no one rocks the boat. teamwork. I think you understand Sarah.

Out of the hospital, you can call me Teddy. In here though, I am literally the God of the hospital. Healing the sick and walking wounded, the worried well, and the neurotics. That’s my mission, called to serve and do God’s healing work.

SARAH

Tries to hide her incredulity, steps back. Dr.Suleman releases his hand on her shoulder.

V.O. Is he completely mad? What have I got myself into?

SARAH

Sarah speaks in a low, calm tone.

Thanks for that Dr.Suleman. Of course, I understand and respect your rank as Chief of Medical Staff. However, I do believe communication flow can be so very helpful. In fact, I did want to ask you about some concerns I had about the medications the patients who came in today were on.

Sarah’s voice volume rises to a more assertive clear tone.

SARAH CONTD

They had all been on various narcotics for months. And really wondered about the safety of the kid on Vicodin? He tried to kill himself with a shotgun. He is being Medivaced out of here as we speak. I’m hoping we can start weaning patients off and trying other ways of dealing with their issues other than narcotics. Can we talk about this tomorrow? I really have to get going now.

SULEMAN

Takes a step closer to Sarah, towering over her.

Dr. Suleman uses his arm to block Sarah’s exit. His expression changes in a flash. .He looks furious. Suleman is talking in a low voice, his voice gradually rising to an angry pitch.

SULEMAN

You are either remarkably stupid or possibly deaf. If you don’t want to get yourself into a whole lot of grief. This is your first day and, you, a mere minion in my kingdom have the gall to question my judgment!

Suleman opens the door. He gestures for Sarah to leave, and now uses a loud intimidating voice.

SULEMAN CONTD

Get out! Go home and think very carefully about what I tried to make clear to you. Do you understand me?

SARAH

In a low even voice.

I’ll talk with you tomorrow Dr.Suleman, and we can keep it professional and focused on the best practice for the patients. Good night!

SARAH V.O.

I think I am going to get fired on my first day by a lunatic!

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Corbett   Writing in Bold   Day 9

What I learned from this assignment;  This approach showed me new options which I l really liked.

WOOD BUFFALO HOSPITAL  ANNA CORBETT

PLAIN VERSION

INT.SARAH'S BEDROOM/NIGHT

SITUATION

SARAH WARWICK'S place of work has closed down.  She is a single mother without financial means.  It's her birthday.  Her on and off boyfriend has just dumped her, again.  He cannot take on the responsibility of a child.  Sarah is just off a phone call with her well- to- do parents who have refused to help her, citing the disgrace of a divorce in the family.  She is desperately worried.

Sarah sits on the bed sobbing.  She walks into the kitchen and takes a coffee mug out of the kitchen cabinet and a bottle of brandy.

Sarah has entered into a zombie-like state. She pours a lot of brandy into the mug. Sarah walks into the bathroom and runs a bath, steam fills the room. Sarah opens the locked bathroom cabinet and takes out a pill bottle and places it on the sink. From a drawer under the sink she takes out a razor and tries it out on her wrist. It does not seem to work.

Sarah walks into the kitchen and gets a large sharp knife out of the kitchen drawer and walks back to the bathroom with a vacant stare on her face, no longer crying. Knife in hand, she puts one foot into the bathtub, and then she hears her son scream.

NEW VERSION 1 WRITTEN WITH ENHANCED EMOTIONAL TRAUMA (FLIGHT/FREEZE)

Sarah sits on the bed  her facil expression is that of  a numb mask.. 
Sarah walks as if in slow motion to the kitchen. She takes a coffee mug out of the kitchen cabinet and a bottle of brandy.  She pours a lot of brandy into the mug.  
Sarah walks to the bathroom  in a zombi like state, and runs a bath, steam fills the room.  She opens the locked bathroom cabinet and takes out a pill bottle, looks at it assessing the qualtity of pills, and places it  carefully on the sink. 
Sarah stands there as if frozen to the spot for a moment,and then from a drawer under the sink she takes out a razor and tries it out on her wrist.  It does not seem to work. She walks to the kitchen, her eyes staring, empty.
Sarah unclips the child safety lock on a drawer and takes out a handleful of knives.  She inspects them one by one slowly.  She selects the long thin razor sharp deboning knife, turns and walks even more slowly, a vacant expression on her face, to the bathroom.
Knife in hand Sarah places one foot into the hot steaming water. A scream from her son's bedroom shocks her out of her disconnected zombie like state.
NEW VERSION 2  WRITTEN WITH ENHANCED EMOTION TRAUMA , ANGER FIGHT 
                                                                                                                                  RESPONSE
Sarah gets up from the bed, and throws her cell phone across the room.  She marches down to the kitchen, takes a bottle of brandy down from a high shelf, removes the cap and drinks a swallow straight from the bottle.

SARAH
Bastards! Selfish, judgemental bastards.  Well i've got this, just watch me! I gotta wake up and get on top of this situation. A cold shower and hit the internet.
Sarah starts the coffee machine and heads to the shower. She looks in on her sleeping son.
SARAH
The don't deserve us my beautiful son.
V.O. I think I am going to divorce my parents, go no contact. Less stressful. That'll give them something to complain about at the club! 

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Extreme Emotion

DAY 8

What I learned from this assignment; I learned to be more succinct and get to the essence of the emotion.

SILENT NIGHT ANNA HARPER (CORBETT)

DYLAN

DYLAN is a 13-year-old boy. He has been electively silent,(mute), since the death of his mother two years ago.

CHARACTER TRAITS

Anxious, a loner, egocentric, locked into grief for his deceased mother, entering his coming of age years.

SUBTEXT CHARACTER LOGLINE

I want to stay in my bubble of silence. I feel trapped in my bubble. I am lonely. No one understands me.

SCHOOLYARD BULLY BOYS

TRAITS. Enjoy playing at being young thugs. It’s all a game without consequences to them. The boys have observed thug behavior in soccer matches with their dad and think it is a desirable way of winning approval.

SUBTEXT LOGLINE

We are just having some fun and what’s wrong with that?

MICKEY

TRAITS

Fun-loving, warm, gregarious. Does not take any nonsense from anyone. Belongs to PETRA.

SUBTEXT LOGLINE

I really should have been born in the 60s.

EXT.SCHOOL/DAY

DYLAN exits the school nervously looks around, and starts to run, looking back towards the school, he sees a pack of boys begin to follow him. They all start to run.

NOTES

Dylan nervously exits the school, checking behind him for his tormentors. The pack of feral schoolboys run after Dylan with intent.

EXT.VILLAGE STREET/DAY

SCHOOLBOYS

Shouting

Weirdo, Dumbo, retard, you haven’t got a mother, that’s why you are a lame weirdo.

NOTE Come on let’s see if you can fight wimpy kid.

EXT. VILLAGE HIGH STREET SHOPPING AREA/DAY

The boys continue to run after a terrified Dylan. Dylan runs panting, stumbling, and flings himself into the bakery shop doorway, opens the shop door, then hides inside.

NOTE Dylan is terrified as the sounds of the boys taunting move closer. Panting, his eyes wide with fear he stumbles into the bakery shop and hides underneath the shop window

INT.BAKERY/DAY

The bakery is festooned with Christmas garlands, snowflakes decorate the window. Piles of Christmas goodies are on display. A young attractive woman, MICKEY the baker is behind the counter. She has Cornish red hair, pale Cornish skin, and a Kaleo tattoo on her forearm. Her hair is tied up in a red bandana and she wears large hoop earrings. The Charlie Brown Theme is playing.

NOTE

The bakery is festooned with Christmas garlands, snowflakes decorate the window. Piles of Christmas goodies are on display. A young attractive woman, MICKEY the baker is behind the counter. Mickey looks concerned. The Charlie Brown Theme is playing.in the background.

MICKEY

Hey fella, what’s up, what’s happening? Are you alright? Are those boys giving you a hard time? Can I help you, my friend? Do you want me to kick their ass?

The boys run past the window. Dylan is panting out of breath. Dylan checks they are down the street and then runs out the door, doorbells ringing behind him in the opposite direction, and disappears around a back alley corner.

Horrified he hears the boys yelling, taunting, getting closer. He runs up another side alley behind the Fresh from the Sea fish and chip shop. Desperate, he lifts the lid of a large filthy garbage skiff, climbs in, and closes the lid on himself.

INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

Panting, coughing, and starting to cry in the darkened, garbage-filled skiff. The sound of the boys bullying voices, calling Dylan names, threatening, fade into the distance.

Dylan emerges from under the trash, dazed. There are sounds of rustling in the trash, Dylan is terrified, crying, he huddles in the corner.

DYLAN V.O.

Rats, there are rats in here!

A huge scruffy all-black Newfoundland dog emerges from under the trash with a large piece of fish and chip wrapper in his mouth. Dylan screams out loud.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper DAY 7 VISUALS

What I learned from this assignment is; to think very carefully about the quality of impact words have, and to use them more sparingly.

PART 1

DESCRIPTOR LIST FROM

2001 A SPACE ODESSEY STANLEY KUBRICK and ARTHUR C CLARK

badly undernourished,

first dim glow of dawn creeps

His hairy, muscular body is quite man-like,

The forehead is low, and there are great ridges over the eye-sockets,

only the small or the swift or the fierce could flourish, or even hope to exist

a sluggish, brown stream.

hungry, and now it was starving.

a small, parched valley

long, pathetic road to racial extinction.

man-apes of the field

remorseless drought

battle for survival

dry and barren land,

new climax of ferocity

ten million years,

terrible lizards 

PART TWO
THE BITTERSWEET OF SUMMERS END VILLAGE 2 ANNA CORBETT</font>

INT/HALLWAY G7 HIGH SECURITY CENTRE/EVENING</

Overhead neon lights create an industrial, hostile and unwelcoming environment. The friends are marched along, with the soldierS' boots ringing on the floor.
NOTE
The hallways are harsh, indutrial spaces. The soldiers' boots ring on the concrete floor.

INT.BRIEFING ROOM/EVENING    Bunny’s private army enters a large meeting room. There are only two men there, not wearing uniforms of any kind. Both have guns in shoulder holsters. The men appear to be very fit, middle-aged with nothing remarkable (other than the guns), about their appearance. Definitely not James Bond material. One of them invites the group to be seated
NOTE 
The mercenaries enter a large somber meeting room.  Two agents are waiting to brief them. Both agents appear athletic, armed with guns and otherwise like any other middle aged men on the high street.   

CHARACTER DESCRIPTION

MAJOR BUNNY HOLMES

Traits Proud, patriot, ruthless, brave.
Bunny's reason for living is all about his patriotism.  He enjoys his pub friends yet feels they are lacking something he has in spades, discipline
NOTE
Bunny Holmes is a rabid patriot. Discipline is his mantra. He is a human swiss army knife,<u style="font-size: 1rem;">totally competant.

WOOD BUFFALO HOSPITAL  ANNA CORBETT

INT.SARAH'S BEDROOM/NIGHT

Sarah sits on the bed sobbing.  She walks into the kitchen and takes a coffee mug out of the kitchen cabinet and a bottle of brandy.

Sarah has entered into a zombie-like state. She pours a lot of brandy into the mug. Sarah walks into the bathroom and runs a bath, steam fills the room. Sarah opens the locked bathroom cabinet and takes out a pill bottle and places it on the sink. From a drawer under the sink, she takes out a razor and tries it out on her wrist. It does not seem to work.

Sarah walks into the kitchen and gets a large sharp knife out of the kitchen drawer and walks back to the bathroom with a vacant stare on her face, no longer crying. Knife in hand, she puts one foot into the bathtub, and then she hears her son scream. NEW INFORMATION Sarah is suicidal and is about to take action

NOTE

Sarah pours a stiff brandy into a coffee mug. She unlocks the childproof drawer and examines a selection of knives. She decides on the poultry deboning knife, long and sharp, She walks over to the bathroom, her facial expression is that of a zombi. She reaches for a bottle of pills and places them on the edge of the sink, and proceeds to fill the tub. Srah puts one foot in the bathtub. Her son Eli lets out a sickening scream..

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Fear In Action

DAY 6

What I learned from this assignment is; by applying this technique to a story I am working on, I was able to identify boring or neutral parts and amp them up and make them more suitable and punchy for a screenplay.

The Bittersweet of Summer’s End Anna Corbett

CHARACTERS

ANTON A Serbian operative SLU wants to move up the power structure.

AHMED Village owner of a failing restaurant. Reluctantly swept up in the operation with his village friends who are also taking part. SLU is Desperate to pay his son’s university fees.

JOHNATHAN Bored to death village vet. SLU wants a new life away from the village.

CALEB Owner of the Royal Swans. Started off the entire mess, needing a rescue, due to his drugs, alcohol, and gambling problems. SLU Just wants to get out of the mess without too much pain, ie the army Brigg.

Situation

Johnathan and Ahmed and Caleb,(civilians, part of a team of men from the village working for SIS ‘Team Bunny’), are driving a semi-trailer truck as part of a sting operation to take down a major threat to British security,

Goals

The goal is to take down a Russian operative/a double agent posing as a Serbian agent who is a major threat to British security. The village men (who are all in dire financial straits,) will be very well paid for risking their lives.

Threat

Anton a Serbian spy, shocks Ahmed, Caleb, and Johnathan, announcing that he will be in the truck with them, thwarting their plans.

HOPE

Ahmed, Caleb, and Johnathan arrive at the pickup point to start the trip by driving the semi-trailer.

FEAR

Unexpectedly Anton announces he will be along for the ride.

FEAR

Anton threatens them with a gun.

FEAR

Ahmed tries to covertly communicate with SIS who are listening in by making small talk about the trip. Anton threatens Ahmed.

HOPE

Caleb knows the roads well and is plotting a way out.

SCENE

EXT. COMMERCIAL VEHICLE YARD/DAY

ACTION A group of thugs are guarding the semi-trailer, most are guarding the back doors of the semitrailer, which is locked with chains.

JOHNATHAN

Right, where are we to drop it then?

ANTON

Port Felixstow, they are open 24/7. You arrive just before dark

AHMED

How can we possibly get this thing in there without any problems?

ANTON

ACTION

Has gun in hand

No worries. We are all hooked up with port contacts and I will be in the back of the truck with you. No funny stuff or you will all get a taste of this

CALEB

Why don’t you drive the bloody thing yourself then?

ANTON

I can’t drive a semi. And someone might recognize my face.

AHMED

ACTION

Starts chattering nervously about the trip, hoping that SIS is listening in to the change of plans with Anton on board.

ANTON

Shut the fuck up!

CALEB V.O.

No worries you little piece of shit. We are going to make a stop.

ANTON

Get your foot down, but do not speed. We have to make the evening sailing for Saudi without fail, or I shoot your balls off.

EXT.MOTORWAY/EVENING LIGHT/ DARKENING.

CALEB

ACTION

Caleb groans loudly.

CALEB

We are 10 K from the port. I gotta take a shit!

ACTION

To make his point, Caleb farts to the disgust of the rest of the crew.

CALEB

There are some toilets up ahead. I’m pulling in there, whether you like it or not Anton.

Caleb farts again to make his point.

ANTON

You English pig! No funny stuff.

Johnathan and Ahmed sneak furtively look at each other. Something is going to happen.

The truck pulls up outside the rest station. They all descend from the truck Anton with his hand underneath his coat on his gun, facing forward, Anton is watching them carefully.

Silently a special forces agent appears from behind the back of the truck and bashes Anton over the head. Anton falls to the ground unconscious.

Two special services agents appear.

AGENT

It’s all over. We got the Russian at their communications sweatshop.

The agents move to open the back door of the semitrailer. It is packed full of young women and girls.

Johnathan, Ahmed, and Caleb look stunned.

AHMED

We made it through. Just as Bunny would have wanted. We did good today.

CALEB

I need a beer.

AHMED

My friend we can celebrate with a non-alcoholic beer, or they will be sending you back to the Brigg.

JOHNATHAN

I thought we were all going to end up dead! Well done Caleb, we can all breathe easy.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Day 5 Uncertainty

What I learned from this assignment; I learned the value of protracted uncertainty over the length of a scene creates a great deal of audience anticipation and engagement.

MOONSTRUCK WRITTEN BY JOHN PATRICK SHANLEY

Staring Cher AS LORETTA

and Nicholas Cage AS RONNY

SITUATION Cher has agreed to marry Ronnie, a marriage of desperation with no love/passion or harmony. Ronnie has asked Lorreta to visit his estranged brother and ensure he comes to the wedding.

       Somebody to see Ronny.

               
               INT. THE BASEMENT OVEN ROOM - DAY

               There are two coal-fired ovens, one at either end of the 
               room. There is a large wooden table roughly center. And 
               various pieces of baking equipment, dough-mixers, etc., 
               scattered willy-nilly. And everywhere there is bread.

               PIETRO, a baker, is working at one of the ovens with a long 
               wooden spatula. RONNY is working at the other oven.

               Actually, he is just staring in the open door at the baking 
               bread and burning coals. He's dressed in black jeans streaked 
               with flour, a white restaurant shirt, white cotton gloves, 
               and around his neck, a red handkerchief. He is black-haired, 
NOTES               handsome and intense.

    FEAR

an intense excahnge                                 ROCCO
                         Ronny!

                                     RONNY
                         What!

                                     ROCCO
                         Somebody here to see you.

               Ronny turns and takes in Loretta.

                                     RONNY
                         Have you come from my brother?

                                     LORETTA
                         Yes.

                                     RONNY
                         Why?

                                     LORETTA
                         I'm going to marry him.

                                     RONNY
                         You are going to marry my brother?

                                     LORETTA
                         Yes. Do you want...
NOTES
unease a step before

FEAR

the conversation is

fraught and off the topic

intended                                     RONNY
                         I have no life.

                                     LORETTA
                         Excuse me.

                                     RONNY
                         I have no life. My brother Johnny 
                         took my life from me.

                                     LORETTA
                         I don't understand.

               Everything in the oven room has stopped and everyone is 
               watching.

                                     RONNY
                         And now he's getting married. He has 
                         his, he's getting his. And he wants 
                         me to come? What is life?

               He picks up the wooden spatula and slides it into the oven.

                                     LORETTA
                         I didn't come here to upset you.

               Ronny slides a bunch of loaves out of the oven on the spatula, 
               turns them around, and slides them back in.
NOTES
  FEAR

Ronny is getting angry 

about his life.                                   RONNY
                         They say bread is life. So I bake 
                         bread, bread, bread.
                              (He's picking up loaves 
                              of bread from one of 
                              the boxes on the 
                              floor, and casually 
                              tossing them across 
                              the room.)
                         And the years go by! By! By! And I 
                         sweat and shovel this stinking dough 
                         in and outta this hot hole in the 
                         wall and I should be so happy, huh, 
                         sweetheart? You want me to come to 
                         the wedding of my brother Johnny?!! 
                         Where is my wedding? Chrissy! Over 
                         by the wall! Gimme the big knife!

                                     CHRISSY
                         No, Ronny!

               Barbara appears in the doorway and comes down the stairs 
               into the room.
NOTES
                                     RONNY
   FEAR

                      Gimme the big knife! I'm gonna cut 
                         my throat!

                                     LORETTA
                         Maybe I should come back another 
                         time.

                                     RONNY
   FEAR                      No, I want you to see this! I want 
                         you to watch me kill myself so you 
                         can tell my brother on his wedding 
                         day! Chrissy, gimme the big knife!

                                     CHRISSY
                         I tell you I won't do it!

                                     RONNY
                              (to Loretta)
                         Do you know about me?

                                     BARBARA
                         Oh, Mr. Cammareri!

                                     RONNY
                         Nothing is anybody's fault, but things 
                         happen.
                              (holds up his left 
                              hand to Loretta)
                         Look.

               He pulls off the glove. The hand is made of wood.

                                     RONNY
                         It's wood. It's fake. Five years ago 
                         I was engaged to be married. Johnny 
                         came in here, he ordered bread from 
                         me. I put it in the slicer and I 
                         talked with him and my hand got caught 
                         cause I wasn't paying attention. The 
                         slicer chewed off my hand. It's funny 
                         'cause - when my fiancé saw that I 
                         was maimed, she left me for another 
                         man.

                                     LORETTA
                         That's the bad blood between you and 
                         Johnny?

                                     RONNY
                         That's it.

                                     LORETTA
                         But that wasn't Johnny's fault.

                                     RONNY
                         I don't care! I ain't no freakin 
                         monument to justice! I lost my hand, 
                         I lost my bride! Johnny has his hand, 
                         Johnny has his bride! You come in 
                         here and you want me to put away my 
NOTES                         heartbreak and forget?
FEAR

Ronny's emtions

are angry out of control
               He goes to the big table, which is floured and covered with 
               bread. He sweeps everything off the tabletop during the next.

                                     RONNY
                         Is it just a matter of time till a 
                         man opens his eyes and gives up his 
                         one dream of happiness? Maybe. Maybe. 
                         All I have... Have you come here, 
                         Stranger, Bride of my Brother, to 
                         take these last few loaves from my 
                         table? Alright. Alright.

               The table is bare. He stares at it blankly. He wanders away, 
               to the back room where the flour sacks are kept. We hear a 
               single sob escape him from that room, and then silence.

               Everyone in the oven room looks after him. Then Chrissy 
               approaches Loretta. She holds the big knife at her side.

                                     CHRISSY
                         This is the most tormented man I 
                         have ever known. I am in love with 
                         this man. He doesn't know that. I 
                         never told him cause he can never 
                         love anybody since he lost his hand 
                         and his girl.

               She holds out the knife.

                                     CHRISSY
  FEAR

audience wonders if they are all

out of control           Here. Why don't you just kill him? 
                         It would be so much more kind than 
                         coming here and inviting him to a 
                         wedding like he'll never have.

               Loretta considers Chrissy, decides what she's going to do, 
               and goes to the flour room.

               INT. OF THE FLOUR ROOM - DAY

               Many 50 lb. bags of flour are stacked under a bare electric 
               bulb. A rough stone staircase opposite is lit by daylight 
               from above. Ronny, quietly distraught, stands leaning by his 
               forehead against a stack of flour. Loretta approaches him. 
HOPE

               She feels for him.

                                     LORETTA
                         Where you live?

               He points to the stone staircase.

                                     RONNY
                         Upstairs.

               She touches his shoulder.

                                     LORETTA
                         Come on.

  HOPE             He follows her up the stairs.

               EXT. THE STAIRCASE ENTRANCE ON THE STREET

               Loretta and Ronny emerge. He gestures. They enter the 
               apartment building behind the bakery.

EXT. RONNY'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

               A three-story walk-up above Cammareri's Bakery.

               INT. RONNY'S APARTMENT - DAY

               It's a two-bedroom apartment. The decor reflects Ronny's 
               love of the opera. The furniture is overstuffed, fringed in 
               the colors of Italian passion. But it is all a bit faded, 
               the remains of an old flamboyance. The walls are decorated 
               with opera posters; and over the fireplace there is a painting 
               depicting a scene from "La Boheme": Mimi is standing in the 
               snow. Ronny stares at the picture of Mimi in the La Boheme 
               poster. Loretta comes in from the kitchen and sets down a 
               cup of coffee.

                                     LORETTA
                         You ready for the coffee?

               Loretta moves back into the kitchen. Ronny turns and watches 
               as she walks down the hall.

                                     RONNY
                         Loretta. What's that smell?

                                     LORETTA
                         I'm making you a steak.

                                     RONNY
  HOPE/FEAR

Ronny is ambivalent        You don't have to help me.

                                     LORETTA
                         I know that. I do what I want.

                                     RONNY
                         I like it well done.

                                     LORETTA
                         You'll eat this bloody to feed your 
                         blood.

               INT. RONNY'S APARTMENT -DINING ROOM - DAY

               CU of Ronny's artificial hand, holding a fork stuck in a 
               steak. With his right he is cutting his steak. He switches 
               hands and eats hungrily. Loretta watches.

                                     RONNY
                         This is good. Uhh...

                                     LORETTA
                         Loretta.

                                     RONNY
                         Where'd Johnny find you?

                                     LORETTA
                         He knew my husband who died.

                                     RONNY
                         How'd he die?

                                     LORETTA
                         Bus hit him.

                                     RONNY
                         Fast.

                                     LORETTA
                         Instantaneous.

                                     RONNY
                         When you get engaged?

                                     LORETTA
                         Yesterday.

               Ronny drops his knife and fork and turns away. Loretta is 
               not surprised and does not move.

                                     RONNY
                         Why?

                                     LORETTA
                         Why what?

                                     RONNY
                         I don't know.

                                     LORETTA
                              (smiles)
  HOPE

Lorreta is

fishing.                       So. Five years ago your hand got cut 
                         off and your woman left you for 
                         another man. No woman since then?

                                     RONNY
                         No.

                                     LORETTA
                         Stupid.

                                     RONNY
                         When your husband get hit by the 
                         bus?

                                     LORETTA
                         Seven years ago.

                                     RONNY
                         How many men since then?

                                     LORETTA
                         Just Johnny.

                                     RONNY
                         Stupid yourself.

                                     LORETTA
                         No. Unlucky. I have not been lucky.

                                     RONNY
                         I don't care about Luck, you 
                         understand me? It ain't that.

                                     LORETTA
                         What? Do you think you're the only 
                         one ever shed a tear?

                                     RONNY
                         Why you talking to me?

                                     LORETTA
                         You got any whiskey? How 'bout giving 
                         me a glass of whiskey?

               .

               LORETTA AND RONNY AT THE TABLE WITH A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY

               Camera is close on Scotch being poured into two glasses.

               Loretta picks up her glass and swallows a healthy dose.

                                     RONNY
                         She was right to leave me.

                                     LORETTA
                         You think so?

                                     RONNY
                         Yes.

                                     LORETTA
                         You really are stupid, you know that.

               Loretta pours herself another shot.

                                     RONNY
                         You don't know nothing about it.

                                     LORETTA
                         I was raised that a girl gets married 
                         young. I didn't get married until I 
                         was twenty-eight. I met a man. I 
                         loved him. I married him. He wanted 
                         to have a baby right away. I said 
                         no. Then he got hit by a bus. No 
                         man. No baby. No nothing! I did not 
                         know that man was a gift I could not 
                         keep. I didn't know... You tell me a 
                         story and you think you know what it 
                         means, but I see what the true story 
                         is, and you can't.
                              (she pours them both 
                              another drink)
                         She didn't leave you! You can't see 
                         what you are. I can see everything. 
                         You are a wolf!

  HOPE

SUB TEXT

a lot of chemistry                                   RONNY
                         I'm a wolf?

                                     LORETTA
                         The big part of you has no words and 
                         it's-a wolf. This woman was a trap 
                         for you. She caught you and you could 
                         not get away.
                              (She grabs his wooden 
                              hand)
                         So you chewed off your foot! That 
                         was the price you had to pay to be 
                         free.
                              (throws his hand down)
                         Johnny had nothing to do with it. 
                         You did what you had to do, between 
                         you and you, and I know I'm right, I 
                         don't care what you say. And now 
                         you're afraid because you found out 
                         the big part of you is a wolf that 
                         has the courage to bite off its own 
                         hand to save itself from the trap of 
                         the wrong love. That's why there has 
                         been no woman since that wrong woman. 
                         You are scared to death what the 
                         wolf will do if you make that mistake 
                         again!

                                     RONNY
                         What are you doing!

                                     LORETTA
                         I'm telling you your life!

                                     RONNY
                         Stop it!

                                     LORETTA
                         No!

                                     RONNY
                         Why are you marrying Johnny? He's a 
                         fool!

                                     LORETTA
                         Because I have no Luck!

                                     RONNY
                              (pounding on the table)
                         He made me look the wrong way and I 
                         cut off my hand. He could make you 
                         look the wrong way and you could cut 
                         off your whole head!

                                     LORETTA
                         I am looking where I should to become 
                         a bride!

                                     RONNY
                         A bride without a head!

                                     LORETTA
                         A wolf without a foot!
FEAR/HOPE

Ronny being

unpredicatble

borderline violent

               Ronny stiff-arms everything off the dining table and grabs 
               Loretta. They kiss passionately. He pulls her up on the table 
               and over the table to him. They are in each other's arms. 
               They are on fire. Loretta pushes him away, gasping for air.

                                     LORETTA
                         Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

               She changes her mind and lunges into another kiss. They stop 
               again after a long moment. They really haven't breathed.

               They both suck in air and look at each other in wonder and 
               fear and passion.

                                     RONNY
                         It's like I'm falling! It's like I'm 
                         in the ocean!

               They kiss again. When they pull apart again, Loretta is 
               crying.

                                     LORETTA
                         I have no Luck!

               He picks her up in his arms.

                                     RONNY
                         Son of a bitch!

                                     LORETTA
                         Where are you taking me?

                                     RONNY
                         To the bed.

                                     LORETTA
                         Oh. Oh God. I don't care about 
                         anything. I don't care about anything! 
                         Take me to the bed.

 HOPE

that their loveless

existences can be redeemed 

               He carries her away, into the bedroom.

               MUSIC: "O SOAVE FANCIULLA", from "La Boheme." The MUSIC 
               CONTINUES THROUGH THE NEXT SCENE.

               INT. RONNY'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM

               Ronny is laying her down in the bed. He is over her. They 
               look into each other's eyes.

                                     RONNY
                         I can't believe what is happening.

                                     LORETTA
                         Me neither.

                         I was dead.

                                     LORETTA
                         I was dead, too.

               They kiss. When they part there is a drop of blood on 
               Loretta's lips.

                                     RONNY
                         Your blood.

                                     LORETTA
                         All my life I have never reached a 
                         man. I knew that I would reach my 
                         husband, but I took my time and he 
                         was dead. Ronny.

                                     RONNY
                         Loretta.

                                     LORETTA
                         I want to cut you open and crawl 
                         inside of you. I want you to swallow 
                         me.

                                     RONNY
                         I've got you.

                                     LORETTA
                         Get all of me. Take everything.

                                     RONNY
                         What about Johnny?

                                     LORETTA
                         You're mad at him, take it out on 
                         me, take your revenge on me! Take 
                         everything, leave nothing for him to 
                         marry! Hollow me out so there's 
                         nothing left but the skin over my 
                         bones. Suck me dry!

                                     RONNY
                         Alright. Alright. There will be 
                         nothing left.

               Their eyes are boiling with fierce animal tears. They have 
               opened their souls to each other and they are coming together.

               The MUSIC SWELLS to a terrible triumph.

[anna harper]

ANNA’S HOOKS, Day 4

What I learned from this assignment. Using the checklist made for major dramatic, take it to the edge energy. It is a very different tone to the whole script. I am debating whether to leave it in or take it out as the result was very dark. Definitely an assignment that has powerful results.

OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL

CHARACTERS

SARAH WARWICK

TRAITS Sarah is a young, very urban, professional. She has great empathy and loves working with people. She is till young at heart and enjoys doing the urban scene with her friends.

SLU Her son is everything. He is the reason she gets out of bed in the morning. She is lonely and wonders if life will ever get any better. Keeping a positive vibe despite difficulties is important to her son’s well-being.

DOROTHY WARWICK

TRAITS

She is is a middle-aged, middle-class woman, with an uptight vibe, hair makeup, and jewelry from the 90’s. Neurotic, deeply insecure. and irrational.

SLU her mantra is ”what will the neighbours think?’

VICTOR WARWICK

TRAITS

He is wearing a three-piece banker’s suit, holding a teacup and saucer in one hand. A ruthless businessman, Has earned the family ‘new money’ wealth. Ex army, a chavanist of his era. Not a team player in the world of business. Lacks insight, empathy, and is a narcissist.

SLU

Get out of my way.

BEGIN SCENE

INT. SARAH’S BEDROOM/NIGHT

Phone rings. Sarah wakes and answers the phone.

SPLIT SCREEN

Sarah’s parents are singing Happy Birthday.

SARAH

Mom? Dad? yes, it’s just after midnight here. I know it’s about 8 in the morning where you are Thank you for the birthday song. Just very, very tired. I told you about the seniors’ center; it closed a couple of days ago. It’s left me feeling pretty down. Not much feeling like a birthday celebration anyway. (New information., deeper understanding of Sarah’s dilemma.)

DOROTHY WARWICK

We thought we would send you a subscription to Country Life and a Marks and Spencer’s overseas treat hamper.

SARAH

Sarah has her hands supporting her head in a pose of despair B deeper understanding

Thanks Mom. Can I have a word with Dad, please? Hi there Dad. I was wondering if this year you could send me some cash for my birthday. I’m laid off, not much yet in the way of a sensible job.

VICTOR WARWICK

Are you asking for money Sarah? How much?

SARAH

How much? It’s going to take me a couple of months. I will get a bit from unemployment, pogey you know. Can you manage a thousand?

Victor puts the cup and saucer down, looks depressed, puts his hand to his forehead, and speaks in an incredulous tone.

VICTOR

A thousand dollars?

SARAH

No, I meant a thousand pounds, not dollars.

VICTOR

Your mother just had the kitchen redone, We are off to Italy next week, this is an expensive month Sarah. We did all we could for you. Private girls’ schools, ballet, and piano lessons. Yes, I know you paid your way through Uni. Now if you could do that, why can’t you be more independent and take care of yourself now. When I was in the Army, the first rule was to depend on no one but yourself, stand up on your own two feet. You are an adult. Time to grow up Sarah.

DOROTHY

You should never have left your husband. And to think that your grandmother had to cope with rationing!

SARAH

But Dad, I’m a single mother! What about Eli, your only grandson? Don’t you care about him, even if you are ready to throw me under the bus? He needs a stable roof over his head. I am frantic with worry Dad, please? B Deeper understanding of her emotional state and the blocks she is up against.

VICTOR

You were the first divorce in the family. Our friends were quite shocked. Your poor mother was so embarrassed. No, I am afraid there won’t be any money Sarah.

SARAH

Sarah is crying. Can she win them over? C. Can Sarah create a reversal of what has already been presented

Dad, I was laid off, and the center closed down. I cannot just magic up a job. It’s not my fault. Surely to God …Dad, Dad?

Sarah falls back on her bed. Drops the phone on the floor.

SARAH cont.

He bloody hung up on me, on us.

Sarah sits on the bed sobbing. She walks into the kitchen and takes a coffee mug out of the kitchen cabinet and a bottle of brandy.

Sarah has entered into a zombie-like state. She pours a lot of brandy into the mug. Sarah walks into the bathroom and runs a bath, steam fills the room. Sarah opens the locked bathroom cabinet and takes out a pill bottle and places it on the sink. From a drawer under the sink, she takes out a razor and tries it out on her wrist. It does not seem to work.

Sarah walks into the kitchen and gets a large sharp knife out of the kitchen drawer and walks back to the bathroom with a vacant stare on her face, no longer crying. Knife in hand, she puts one foot into the bathtub, and then she hears her son scream. NEW INFORMATION Sarah is suicidal and is about to take action

ELI

Mom, Mom, I’m having a bad dream, and I want a drink. I think I have to go to the bathroom.

SARAH

Oh my God! I’m coming, stay there, I’ll be right there.

Quickly she moves to put the pills back, wraps the knife in a towel returns it to the kitchen, and walks to her son’s bedroom. Her face is transformed from zombi-like to alert and horrified.

A. NEW INFORMATION C. Where can I reverse something that has already been presented?

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Suspense module

What I learned from this assignment; I really enjoyed being able to analyze the content with the templates provided. I am confident I can now create suspense throughout a scene and have a mechanism to check I have been successful.

THE BITTERSWEET OF SUMMER’S END

SITUATION Stu and his friends are getting in deeper with working alongside SIS. They are meeting with two agents to sort out the details.

KEY CHARACTERS FOR THIS SCENE

STU

Traits Hard-working likes to get his way, intelligent, old fashioned social mores.

SLU Stu is a proud man. He will not let the ship go down without a fight.

BUNNY

Traits Proud, patriot, ruthless, brave.

SLU Bunny’s reason for living is all about his patriotism. He enjoys his pub friends yet feels they are lacking something he has in spades, discipline.

AHMED

Traits Tendency to clinical depression since his wife died. Nervous, confused about how to solve his financial issues.

SLU Ahmed lives for his son. His son is the reason he still gets out of bed every morning.

AGENT DAVID

Traits Career SIS agent graduated from Oxford. Patriot, brave, intelligent, committed to the ‘firm’.

SLU David will do whatever it takes to get the job done. He does not have a life outside of his job. He does not smoke, drink, gamble etc. that would be weak. Never married.

AGENT GOLIATH

Traits Career SIS agent, weapons specialist. Has completed a number of Middle East tours, on the ground warfare. PTSD gets the best of him now and again.

SLU Army all the way. Who are we fighting today, cause I’m in. Enjoys his work. Divorced three times. Occasional pot smoker.

INT/ARMY TRUCK/AFTERNOON

NOTE 1. E F B G

INT.ARMY TRUCK/AFTERNOON

BUNNY

Don’t make a
fool of me. Keep your mouths shut unless spoken to. I
already had to disclose that the wives may have some idea
that something is going on, but they don’t know what yet.
It is way too dangerous, and unethical for me to not tell
them you may have already screwed everything up.

Lucky
for all of us, they are still wanting amateurs, with no
footprint, to help out. They have already vetted all of you.
They know everything. What is in your bank account, or
should I say not in your bank account. Of course, they
know about Caleb, Stu’s marriage problems, where
Maggie is, and what she has been doing. They know about
Anthony’s mother, Ahmed’s problems, and Jonathan’s
burnout. Cleo, and the whole bloody lot of you. They know when you take a shit. So, don’t mess with
them. Got it?

EXT.HOTEL/AFTERNOON

Tired and hungry, the men wake up when the truck pulls up to where the briefing is to take place, The same hotel in Cornwall used for the recent G7 conference. Security is well established and the hotel is maintained as an SIS operational unit. Soldiers with automatic weapons escort them into the building at the back of the hotel.

INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR/AFTERNOON

Everyone crams into an old service elevator which descends a couple of floors.

INT.BASEMENT HALLWAY/AFTERNOON

Overhead neon lights create an industrial, hostile and unwelcoming environment. The friends are marched along, with the soldier’s boots ringing on the floor.

NOTE 2 F, B, D

AHMED

whispers to Jonathan.

Why did we come here? I am feeling very nervous.

Bunny’s private army enters a large meeting room. There are only two men there, not wearing uniforms of any kind. Both have guns in shoulder holsters. The men appear to be very fit, middle-aged with nothing remarkable (other than the guns), about their appearance. Definitely not James Bond material. One of them invites the group to be seated.

NOTE 1. F

DAVID

For the purpose of our meeting, I am agent David, and my partner here is agent Goliath. Bunny disclosed the trouble your friend Caleb was having with the Serbian mafia. We were glad to help out with the detox. Major Bunny Holmes has earned immense respect from us. It was he who reached out for help for your friend Caleb. And now we would like your help.

NOTE 1.F. 2 A, C, E, F, G.

GOLIATH

Today we are at step 1 of an operation to find and apprehend a specific Russian agent who is here in the UK to cause harm on our soil. This is unacceptable and we will do anything and everything to run the agent to ground. You are to be a part of the operation should you decide to take it on. If not, go back to your lives as they are.

NOTE 1. A, F, G.

DAVID

We understand you all are in need of financial support
I must warn you that this is a dangerous mission. However, we are confident. You are valuable to us as you have no footprint. You are just ordinary civilians, and you have local knowledge. It will be easy for you to flow through your daily activities as cover. Therefore it is hoped they will not tumble to our operation. Seek, find and destroy the Russian operatives, and deport the Serbs. That is after we have finished with them.

NOTE 1. F, F, G, 2. E.

GOLIATH

The first part of this assignment, should you decide to take it on, is to deliver the money that Caleb owes, which is now double what he borrowed, and to have Anton, who was Caleb’s contact, become interested in you. You will achieve this by being disrespectful and dismissive. We will coach you on technique. We call it The Chinese Takeaway.

NOTE 1. G. C. 2. E, F, G

DAVID

Step 1. The money owed to Anton will be returned as part of our plan to lure in Anton.

NOTE 1.C,E,G, 2. D.,E, F,G,

Step 2. You will commit a crime. We will set up everything for you. It will be a real crime in broad daylight. You will get away with it. Anton will hear about it, he will then contact you

NOTE 3. A, C, E.

This is all of the operations we can disclose, for everyone’s safety, at this point.

Ahmed, you will be the money delivery man.

NOTE 1. B, E,F,G, 2. B, D,F, G, 3. G.

AHMED

whispers to Stu

I am going to throw up.

NOTE 1. E, F, 2. E F, G. 3.A,C,E,

STU

What else are we going to do? Sell our kidneys?

[anna harper]

DAY 2 Anna Harper Anticipatory Dialogue

What I learned from this assignment; With these concepts front of mind, I believe I can write a better screenplay, a more entertaining screenplay. I can use the template given to check that there is plenty of anticipation.

1. Direct prediction.
2. Indirect prediction.
3. Countdown.
4. Imply consequences.
5. Imply hopelessness.
6. Shield from consequences in advance.
7. Warnings.
8. Create a reputation for the villain.
9. Confront someone hiding from a future consequence.
10. A challenge issued.
11. Silence at a strange time

The Bittersweet of Summer’s End The Village Fringe 2

SITUATION

A group of local village men(friends) are meeting in secret for after-hours drinking. They all have money problems, spouse problems, and are contemplating some ‘contractor work’ with SIS.

LEAD CHARACTERS FOR THIS SCENE

LORD STUART WITHALL aka Stu (Protagonist)

Traits

Dated ideas about women. Likes to get his way and be dominant in all matters., Lord of the Manor (which he is) basically a decent person. There is no real money from an inheritance. Hardworking farmer/fisherman.

SubText Character Logline

Stu is somewhat of an outlier, yet he likes to join in. He is secretly unsure of how deep his friendships go or how stable his marriage to Maggie is.

MAJOR BUNNY HOLMES aka BUNNY (Protagonist)

Traits

Ex-Army Intelligence through and through. His comportment is ex-army, his thoughts and interests in world affairs are all from the POV of his glory days in the army. He is totally loyal to Queen and his country. Has buried someone he killed in a local field. Bunny is a very competent individual, he is a human version of a Swiss Army knife.

SubText Character Logline

Bunny wishes he was back in action. He believes that his village men friends all need discipline and that their various problems stem from a lack of discipline. He firmly believes the government should bring back conscription.

INT. STU’S HORSE AND TRACTOR BARN, WITHALL MANOR/NIGHT

STU
That bloody rain is coming down in sheets again.

DAVID

Aye, and the wind almost lifted me off my feet. Dark as Satan’s arse out there.

STANLEY

Friggin bloody cold, wind coming in through the single glazing, and the hot water heater is on the blink.”

NOTE 5

IMPLIES HOPELESSNESS

RICHARD

It’s not even winter yet.

NOTES 2 AND 7 IMPLIES INDIRECT PREDICTION AND WARNING

STU

The tide was vicious today, right up the sea wall. Almost impossible to get the lobster pots up and nearly buggered the boat trying to dock. Really too crap weather to be out. Had to go and do the job, the Manor has dinner on for the paying guests this weekend, with lobster promised on the menu. I am getting too old for this malarky.

STANLEY

Put some of that rum in the tea, mate, you’ll feel better.

NOTE 2 INDIRECT PREDICTION

MAJOR BUNNY HOLMES

Caleb is off our hands, in the brigg, for now. They’ll get him dried out and his head straight. After a spell in an army rehab, he is not going to want to go back. He will have his priorities straight, I am sure of it, and would stake my medals on it.

NOTE 1 DIRECT PREDICTION

STU

Hope you’re right, Bunny. This is the second time we have had to bail him out of big trouble.

He’s going to kill himself if he doesn’t get his drugs and drinking and gambling under control.

NOTE 1 DIRECT PREDICTION

DAVID

Well, if he doesn’t off himself by killing his liver, I think Cleo might. She has got one helluva temper.

PAUL

Stu, you know we bailed you out too with that all hands on deck major event at the manor, so don’t be too quick to judge.

STU

Bunny is right. And, in fact, we all benefited. All the little businesses in the village were given a boost. All the families who live here had a good payday. Thanks, Paul, for keeping us straight. No bullshit, you are right. As I remember, you were the right-hand organizer, and it was a mammoth event. I forget how many thousand we had over the weekend, and all those posh dinners that came afterward.

NOTE 4 IMPLIES CONSEQUENCES

PAUL

No, it was not me, it was nearly all Maggie. I hope you are keeping her happy, Stu, and paying her well. She is still keeping the money rolling in, isn’t she?

STU

We are married now, so it’s all one kind of pot. You know how it is.

DAVID

She is very smart. Perhaps she should be here helping us out with suggestions and the like.

NOTE 6 SHIELD FROM CONSEQUENCES IN ADVANCE

STU

Well, David, I think this might be too much right now. She seems to be in a bit of a funk, too much work. I think she is pissed off with me too, just going by the funny atmosphere.”

NOTE 7 WARNING

STANLEY

You need to get pressure off Maggie, or you will end up in the divorce courts like me, with all the thousands of pounds you work for going into lawyer bills and marital support.

NOTE 10 A CHALLENGE IS ISSUED

STU

What are we going to do about all the various messes we are all in? Anything or nothing?” Are we going to take down the Serbs and Russians or not?

NOTE 8 CREATE A REPUTATION FOR THE VILLAN

BUNNYWell, men, we all have issues. But we are not in WW2 in bomb shelters or in the trenches fighting in mud and bombs going off all around. We can think of something. I’ve been giving it some serious thought. A lot of thought since the other night. However, we may have to do a little evil to do a lot of good. It is our duty to succeed. I think I have a way involving a modest amount of skullduggery while serving the Queen and country at the same time.

STANLEY

What do ya mean, Bunny?

NOTE 7 WARNINGS NOTE 4 IMPLY CONSEQUENCES

BUNNY

We might need a sort of ’cover crime’. It is going to be very, very dangerous, make no mistake. We could be injured or killed. On the other hand, we could come out with a bag of money and cover ourselves in silent glory.

STU

Bunny, have you completely gone off your rocker?

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Anticipation Scene

The 5th Element

written by Luke Besson and Robert Mark Kaman

NOTES are on; Anticipation, Suspense Curiosity Causing Anticipation

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT.

I learned that by using the devices that cause anticipation, and originality, I was on the edge of my seat with curiosity throughout, and I am not a huge fan of Sci-Fi. Curiosity was a theme throughout, with the plot being gradually revealed. This assignment will make me conscious of choices regarding pacing and using these techniques to cause anticipation to keep my audience engaged.

What has happened to this point:

The film opens in 1914 in an Arabic desert location, an archaeologist is busy successfully deciphering a coded pictograph. A local priest is trying to block the archeologist’s work, the priest knows the secret of the pictograph. A friendly advanced aliens race has decided the archeologist knows too much and arrives to repossess the four sacred stones and a sarcophagus. (The five elements represent all that is good, which is a weapon that can protect the earth.) The aliens had instructed the priest to guard sacred stones/objects. The purpose of the sacred objects is to protect the earth from a great evil that wants to destroy the earth. The great evil has an opening chance once every 5,000 years in time, to fulfill its evil agenda and destroy earth.

Fast forward to 2263

The aliens’ spacecraft is on its way to earth as The Great Evil is on the way and earth needs the 5th Element to survive. The aliens are ambushed by mercenaries hired by an industrialist who is working for the Great Evil. Only a fragment of the hand of one of the aliens is all that remains.

From this, the government uses biotechnology (3d printing and gene technology ONLY RECENT TO THE MAKING OF THE FILM) to recreate the original occupant of the sarcophagus, a humanoid woman named Leeloo who remembers her previous life. they have her in a sealed chamber. Armed guards arrive to subdue her. She seems to evolve minute by m8nute discovering her superpowers. She escapes and jumps off a ledge, crashing into the flying taxi cab of Korben Dallas, (protagonist) a former major in Earth’s Special Forces.

.

	PROFESSOR MACTILBURGH, age 60, hurries alongside GENERAL MUNRO.

						MUNRO
				This is all that survived?

						MACTILBURGH
				Actually only one cell survived..

						MUNRO
				Have you identified it?

						MACTILBURGH
				It's not that easy..we've never encountered 
				anything like it before..you see normal human 
				beings have 40 DNA memo groums..which is 
				more than enough for any species to perpetuate 
				itself..This one has 200,000.

						MUNRO
				Talk English Doc.

						MACTILBURGH
				This cell is like a huge library. It has infinite 
				genetic knowledge stored inside.  
				Almost like it was...engineered.

						MUNRO
				Sounds like a freak of nature to me.

						MACTILBURGH
				Yes... I can't wait to meet him.

NOTE PREVIOUS TEXT CREATES CURIOSITY ABOUT WHAT THEY WILL PRODUCE

	They pass into the lab.

53	INT.  LABORATORY
NOTE tHE DETAIL OF THE PROCESS BUILDS ANTICPATION
	The two enter a cylindrical laboratory.  There is a huge glass turbine in the middle with 	the metal glove inside.  A DNA chain scrolls on the computer screen.

						MACTILBURGH
					(rather fascinated)
				The compositional elements of his DNA 
				chain are the same as ours, there are simply 
				more of them tightly packed. 
				His knowledge is probably limitless..

						MUNRO
					(worried)
				Is there any danger? Some kind of virus?

						MACTILBURGH
				We put it through the cellular hygiene detector.
				The cell is for lack of a better word... perfect.

	Munro hesitates a moment.  Then he sighs and uses his personal key to open the 
	self-destruct box.

						MUNRO
				OK, go ahead! But Mr. Perfect better be polite... 
				otherwise I turn him into cat food.

NOTE THIS CREATES ANTICIPATION

	Mactilburgh starts the operation rolling as Munro puts his hand on the sell-destruct 	button, ready to use it.  Thousands of cells form in the heart of the generator, an 	assemblage of DNA elements.  Then the cells move down a tube, like a fluid, and 	gather in an imprint of a HUMAN body.  Step by step bones are reconstructed, then the 	nervous and muscular systems.  Whole veins wrap around the muscles.  An entire body 	is reconstructing before our very eyes.

						DOCTOR
				Three seconds to ultra-violet protection.

	A shield comes over the reconstructing body and makes it invisible.

						MACTILBURGH
					(to Munro)
				...This is the crucial phase, The reconstruction 
				of pigment. Cells are bombarded with slightly 
				greasy solar atoms which forces the body cells 
				to react, to protect themselves. 
				That means growing skin. Clever, eh?

						MUNRO
					(disgusted)
				Wonderful!

	The meter slows, drops to zero.

						ASSISTANT
				... End of reconstruction, beginning of 
				reanimation .

	A whoosh of air in the glass chamber.  Captain Munro has his hand on the self-destruct 	button, ready to destroy the being that has barely been reborn.

						MACTILBURGH
					(pushing a button)
				Activate life support system.

	An electrical discharge fills the glass chamber causing the body inside to jerk.
	After a few moments of silence, the SOUND of a heartbeat fills the room over the 	loudspeaker.

						ASSISTANT
				Life support system activated.

	The Supreme Being is alive once again.

						MACTILBURGH
				Remove the shield.

	The ASSISTANT automatically removes the ultra-violet shield which slowly reveals... 	a woman... nude... young... and very beautiful.  Munro stands there gaping.  Not quite 	his vision of the Supreme Being.  Mactilburgh glances at Munro and gently pushes his 	hand away from the self-destruct button.

						MACTILBURGH
					(with a smile)
				I told you ... perfect!

	Munro is hypnotized by the GIRL's beauty.

NOTES AT THIS POINT THERE IS UNCERTAINTY OF HOW FAR THE SICKENING CHAUVANISTIC EXPLOITATION OF THIS VULNERABLE CAPTIVE WILL GO.

						MUNRO
				...I'd, uh , like to get a few pictures for the archives 
				before she wakes up.

	Mactilburgh looks at him with a grin.  A remote-control camera approaches the girl's 	face, a flash goes off.  Blinded by the flash, the girl jumps and screams.  She cowers in 	a corner, shaking from the cold, darting eyes everywhere looking for the case she was 	holding.

						GIRL
					(very angry)
				Ouacra cocha o dayodomo binay ouacra 
				mo cocha ferji akba ligounai makta keratapla.  
				Tokemata tokemata!  Seno santonoi-aypa!  
				Minoi ay Cheba!  Givomana seno!

						MUNRO
					(worried)
				What's she saying?

						MACTILBURGH
					(to his ASSISTANT)
				Activate the phonic detector.

	The girl kicks the window repeatedly.

NOTES
She is almost feral in her behavior, terrified of the case they have her in and the armed guards that arrive to subdue her.


						MACTILBURGH
				And give her a light sedative... 
				and something to wear!

	The ASSISTANT hits a button.  A pile of clothes drops out of a trapdoor in the ceiling.  	She snatches up the clothes angrily and dresses quickly.  Munro draws closer to the 	glass window.  He watches her dress with undisguised pleasure.

						MUNRO
					(to Mactilburgh)
				This thing solid?

						MACTILBURGH
					(smiling)
				An elephant couldn't crack it.

	The Girl finishes dressing.

						GIRL
					(angrily)
				Teno akta chataman assin-omekta!

	Munro smiles safely behind his plate glass window.

NOTE AT THIS POINT I AM ANTICIPATING THAT MAUNRO IS GOING TO GET

DEALT WITH BY THIS SUPER STRONG WOMAN					MUNRO
					(with a smile)
				You're gonna have to learn to communicate 
				better than that angel if you want out.

	Munro dangles the key on a chain that will let her out.  The girl rams her fist right 	through the window.  She grabs the key and yanks it.  The chain snaps tight and Munro 	slams into the window knocking himself out.  The girl puts her hand through the 	window again, unlocks the chamber and steps out.  She is still bit wobbly on her legs.  	Two GUARDS try to grab her.  She sends them flying across the room. Mactilburgh is 	most impressed.  He sets off a general alarm.

54	INT.  CORRIDOR  LABORATORY

	The girl runs through a maze of corridors looking for a way out.  A squad of 	SECURITY GUARDS appear in front of her and open fire without warning. The girl 	takes a leap, grabs an air vent, kicks it out and dives into the air shaft.  The COPS try 	and jump up to the vent, but none can reach it.

NOTE AT THIS POINT I AM IN SUSPENSE AS TO WHETHER THE GIRL CAN ESCAPE

						CHIEF
				Get me a chair or a stepladder The rest of you 
				go through the main ventilation!

55	INT.  VENTILATION DUCT  LABORATORY

	The girl moves along unable to see what's ahead of her. She comes to a dead-end, a 	grill that leads outside.  She pushes it out and exits onto the ledge.

NOTE AT THIS POINT I AM IN SUSPENSE AS TO WHETHER SHE WILL LIVE OR DIE IN THIS DANGEROUS SITUATION.

56	EXT.  LEDGE  LABORATORY - DAWN

	She has exited to a ledge on the 450th floor of a building, right in the middle of 	Manhattan, which we discover for the first time.  The city has become monstrous. 	Buildings rise 600 stories.  Cars fly.  Subways run vertically...The girl edges along the 	narrow ledge, unfazed by the height.  The CHIEF leans out the vent, looking out into 	the void.

						CHIEF
					(to his men)
				Go on follow her!

	The COPS stare into the gaping void.

						COP
				...No way.

	The CHIEF angrily pulls out his gun and shoots at the girl who ducks around the 	corner of the building.  Unfortunately the other side in full of cops as well.  A flying 	police car zooms up in front of her, sirens blaring.

NOTE AT THIS POINT I AM ROOTING FOR THE GIRL, BUT THERE SEEMS TO BE NO WAY OUT,SOMEHOW I AM ANTICIPATING THAT SHE WILL DO SOMETHING EXTRAIRDUBARY.

						VOICE (O.S.)
				This in the police.  Your status is illegal.
				Please put up your hands and follow our 
				instructions!

	The girl feels trapped.  She looks down into the endless 450 below and all the cars 	flying underneath her.  Then she raises her arms... and dives off.

57	INT.  POLICE  CAR - NIGHT

						COP
					(in the car.)
				Christ! She dove off!

	In a panic, the COP makes a wrong turn.  The girl falls for several seconds.
	She lands on the roof of a flying cab.

58	INT.  CAB - NIGHT

NOTE  AT THIS POINT WE ARE REINTRODUCED TO KORBEN WHO APPEARED EARLIER IN THE STORY, I WAS LEFT WONDERING WHAT THE CONNECTION WAS TO THE MAIN STORY.  NOW THE AUDIENCE IS PRESENTED WITH HIS ROLE WHICH IS HERO/RESCUER  THIS PART FEELS LIKE A HOOK.  WONDERING IF A RELATIONSHIP MIGHT DEVELOP OF HE CAN/OR IS MOTIVATED TO RESCUE HER.

	Korben tries to control his car, reeling from the impact.

						VOICE (O.S.)
				You have just had an accident.  
				Seven points have been temporarily 
				removed...

	Korben manages to stop his cab, pulls over to the side.

						VOICE / KORBEN
				You have one point left on your license. 
				Have a good day.

	Korben sighs and looks in the back seat to see what the damages are.  The girl, a bit 	dazed (who wouldn't be), emerges from the debris and sits up.  There's some blood on 	her face.  Korben is stunned. The girl's still alive and... so beautiful.  His heart heads for 	a meltdown.

						GIRL
				Akina delutan, nou-shan.

						KORBEN
					(lost)
				...'Scuse me?

	A police car with wailing sirens halts in front of Korben.

						COP
					(over a loudspeaker)
				You have an unauthorized passenger in your 
				vehicle.  We are going to arrest her.  
				Please leave your hands on the wheel.
				Thank you for your cooperation.

						KORBEN
					(obeying)
				Sorry, Hon, but I only got one point left 
				on my license and I gotta get to the garage!

	The police car presses up against the cab.  Doors slide open.  Huge guns point at her.  	Korben feels lousy.  The girl's helpless, there are tears in her eyes, she looks exhausted.
	Korben glances at her in the rear view mirror. She's looking all around to find 	something to help her communicate with him.

	Her POV: an ad on the back of the seat. An 800 number to help an orphanage. A teary 	photo of a kid over the words Please Help.  She shoots to Korben a look of pure 	distress.

						GIRL
					(irresistible)
				Please... HELP...

	Korben can't resist her plea.

						KORBEN
				Don't put me in this position... 
				I can't... I'm late as it is...

	But he cannot say no to her eyes.

						KORBEN
				Finger's gonna kill me.
NOTE THE ANTICPATION AT THIS POINT CAUSED ME TO REALLY WANT KORBEN TO BEAT THE COPS.
	Korben shuts oft the meter and floors it, sideswiping the police car as he roars away.

						VOICE (O.S.)
				Your license has been revoked.  
				Would you please....

	Korben whips out a gun and shatters the loudspeaker.

						KORBEN
				I hate when people cry... 
				I got no defense...

	

[anna harper]

Anna is being dramatic. Day 10

What I learned from this exercise; This exercise left me with questions re marketability as this is so important, I had a previous first draft of this work which is totally different in tone. The original was some irony and some humor, it was a softer piece. This new version is neurotic, angry and dramatic. My question in feedback is which one would be more marketable? Which one is more entertaining?

SARAH WARWICK urban 30-something single parent of ELI She lost her job, it’s her birthday and her boyfriend has just dumped her, again. She is anguished and depressed.

VICTOR WARWICK

Her father is not a nice person. Ex-Army. Did not want a girl child, wanted a boy. Does not understand Sarah or her generation. Not emotionally bonded with his daughter.

DOROTHY WARWICK

A perfectionist in her appearance. Likes to display her wealth whenever possible. Is involved with the community. Has never worked outside the home. Has a 1950’s view of the world.Is always disappointed with Sarah for not being a mini-me.

OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL

SITUATION Sarah’s place of employment (a charity for seniors) has just closed down. She is a financially strapped single mother, and her on and off boyfriend just dumped her.

INT.SARAH’S BEDROOM-NIGHT

Phone rings. Sarah wakes and answers the phone.

SPLIT SCREEN

Sarah’s parents are singing Happy Birthday.

SARAH

Mother? Father? yes, it’s just after midnight here. I know it’s about 8 in the morning where you are Thank you for the birthday song. Just very, very tired. I told you about the senior’s center; it closed a couple of days ago.

DOROTHY WARWICK a middle-aged, middle-class woman, with an uptight vibe, hair (worn up) makeup, and jewelry from the 90’s talks to Sarah. The background images are portraits and expensive wallpaper.

DOROTHY WARWICK

We thought we would send you a subscription to Country Life and a Marks and Spencer’s overseas treat hamper.

SARAH

Mom, did you hear what I just said? I’m unemployed.

DOROTHY

Yes dear, the hamper should be a help.

Thanks, Mother. Can I have a word with Father, please? Um, Hi there Father, I was wondering if this year you could send me some cash for my birthday. I’m laid off, not much yet in the way of a sensible job. It’s pretty desperate, I don’t have anything for next month. You know my wages were low, like all nonprofits. So I am worried about the rent, about everything really.

VICTOR WARWICK ex-military, successful businessman, Lions member. Has an arrogant air about him. Wearing a three-piece banker’s suit and a tie. Holding a cup and saucer (expensive antique) in one hand, phone in the other. Victor wanted a son, not a daughter.

VICTOR WARWICK

Are you asking for money Sarah? How much?

SARAH

How much? It’s going to take me a couple of months. I will get a bit from unemployment, pogey you know. It’s going to cost about three thousand for the rent, food, and utilities for two months It could just be a loan until I get sorted out.

Victor puts the cup and saucer down, looks depressed, puts his hand to his forehead, and speaks in an incredulous tone.

VICTOR

Did you just say three thousand dollars?

SARAH

No, I meant three thousand pounds, not dollars.

VICTOR

You know your mother just had the kitchen redone? And we are off to Italy next week with our friends, this is an expensive month Sarah. We did all we could for you. Expensive girls’ schools, ballet, and piano lessons. Yes, and before you say anything, I know you paid your way through Uni. Now if you could do that, why can’t you be more independent and take care of yourself now? When I was in the Army, the first rule was to depend on no one but yourself, stand up on your own two feet. You are an adult. Time to grow up Sarah. You always were the black sheep of the family.

DOROTHY

You should never have left your husband. And to think that your grandmother had to cope with rationing!

SARAH

But Dad, I’m a single mother! Don’t you care about your grandson? I am not a black sheep. And I resent you saying that. I only ever got drunk once in senior school, never smoked, and only tried pot once. And I did not get pregnant like some of my friends, so what the bloody hell are you complaining about, I was a good daughter! And I cannot instantly fix my life with a Swiss Army knife and dehydrated rations!

VICTOR

You were the first divorce in the family. Our friends were shocked. Your poor mother was so embarrassed. She no longer attends St.Agnes because of you. Some of the members at the Lions got a whiff of scandal and I stayed away from my friends and business connections for a while. We are only just recovering from that little scandal of yours, so don’t go playing the innocent with me my girl! No, there won’t be any money Sarah.

SARAH

Father, I was laid off, and the center closed down. I cannot just magic up a job. It’s not my fault. Surely to God …Father, Father please?

Sarah falls back on her bed. Drops the phone on the floor.

SARAH

Miserable buggers. I am going to post on Facebook that I lost my job, and I am taking my little boy off to the northern wilderness, to the Yukon, as I was desperate for work. I know that will make its way through the internet gossip mill. I’ll post a picture of bears, and the latest one of Eli. I am so angry.

Sarah puts the pillow over her face.

SARAH

A bottle of good red wine, all the Prozac and Ativan in the house and maybe cutting my wrists in the bathtub seems like an inviting option. It’s a dark hole with no way out. Good job I have Eli to consider, and the wrist slashing is off the table.

Dramatic devices used

Day 7 Vivid visual description, causing the reader to watch the movie in their mind.

Day 8 Emotional Description Engaging reader’s emotions

Day 9 Being bold, putting attitude in my writing

Day 10 Applying boldness to my own scripts.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Day 9 Anna creates an unknown future.

What I learned from this assignment is; that this is a systematic approach to creating tension and engagement. I had not consciously thought of doing a scene this way with the intention of creating an unknown future before.

I will be using this going forward.

SILENT NIGHT

DYLAN TRAITS

Electively mute since the death of his mother. Feels, and is often misunderstood as his communication options are reduced. He is at an age of trying to express himself in many ways, ie dress, interests/art. It is difficult for him to make friends. His one friend is Daisy and now a new dog friend Alfie. He feels like a victim as he gets bullied by his peers and by his Grade 6 teacher. He loves his Dad, though he thinks his Dad just does not get what he(Dylan) is going through.

STEVE

Steve is Dylan’s Dad. He is a single father with modest socioeconomic resources which add to his stress. He drives the village bus and is loved by the elderly village folk. He has carved out a heroic role for himself as a volunteer fireman. He is being stoic regarding the death of his wife as he has to function and provide for his son Dylan who means the world to him. Steve can be clueless at times and cannot fathom Dylan’s silence and wants more than anything for his son to talk again. Steve is perpetually worried about how Dylan will cope with his life in the future.

MICKEY THE BAKER

A local Cornish/Devonish girl. Owns the bakery. Personable, charming, fun, kind. Single does not know Steve. Her outfits are excentric, colourful bandannas, big earrings, and a tattoo on her arm.

SITUATION

Dylan is unfairly in trouble again at school. Dylan rescued his friend Daisy from the school cellar. Dylan observed his teacher locking Daisy in, and tried to get help from his Dad. In order to get help, Dylan spoke a few words for the first time in two years. Steve went to help and informed the school principal that Elizabeth (teacher) had locked Daisy in the cellar. Elizabeth managed to intimidate Daisy into recanting her tale. The result is that Dylan is now in major trouble with the school principal, and they have determined to send Dylan away to a London boarding school for troubled kids.

EXT.VILLAGE STREET/ GLOOMY WINTER AFTERNOON

Dylan and Steve are walking home. Steve is walking fast and Dylan can barely keep up with him.

STEVE

I’m sorry Dylan, I don’t know what else to do. Looks like it’s going to have to be the boarding school after Christmas. Let’s get a move on and get home before it gets dark.

Steve continues to walk fast and is preoccupied. he does not notice that Dylan has stayed back and is running off in another direction. Dylan is running away.

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/EVENING

Steve is frantically running all over the village High Street looking for Dylan. He enters a couple of shops; the butcher’s, the fish and chip shop. No one has seen him. Steve enters the bakery.

INT.BAKERY/LATE AFTERNOON

Mickey’s bakery is full-on decorated for Christmas with angels everywhere. Christmas music is playing.

MICKEY THE BAKER

Hi there? How can I help?

STEVE

Have you seen a boy, 13 years old? He doesn’t speak. I seem to have lost him. I’ve looked everywhere and I’m getting very worried.

MICKEY

No, no one like that, though he has been in here before. He was hiding from some boys who were chasing him, taunting him. I spoke to him and offered help, he didn’t say anything and ran off. Sorry. Today I’ve only had grown-ups buying Christmas treats.

What’s your lad’s name?

STEVE

His name is Dylan and he’s just a kid, he’s upset. I’m really worried, it’s getting dark outside.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

What I learned doing this assignment; I already had a mislead /reveal constructed, however, it was over many scenes and not practical to submit for an assignment. I altered the timeline and script beats to fit, omitting much of the meeting scenes and the take-down setup. I have at least learned the technique.

I have also switched to a different work in progress as my previous script ran out of artistic and dramatic potential for this change. For the purpose of this exercise, I changed the setup and reveal from subtle to really laying it on thick.

OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL

SITUATION

The local doctor is dealing drugs. Teens are being roped into his web. The consequences have been a nightmare with an escalation in O.D.s and suicides. Locals who are wanting to do something about it are having a private meeting away from the hospital where the doctor has others on his payroll.

LEAD CHARACTER for the purpose of this exercise

JERIMIAH single, local grain farmer. Single, an opportunist. Sleazy manner.

SUBTEXT He is a mole at the meeting.

INT. BONNIE’S FAMILY HOME-NIGHT

(a farmhouse, they raise cattle; mooing sounds in the background)

BONNIE

Come on in Sarah. Take your coat off. Eli can go and play with my grandson, Chance. He’s in the T.V. room.

SARAH

Thanks for this Bonnie. Let’s hope we can do something, anything to find out what’s been going on.

BONNIE

So this is a group of friends and neighbors all have concerns about Dr. Suleman. You’ve already met my friend Rose, the hospital cook. She is an elder and Old Buffalo’s very own medicine woman. This is Krista; she is a mom with two teenagers at the High school. Krista works for the school board administration office, and she’s the local beekeeper. Fern here is the sex educator with public health. You haven’t met her.

FERN

I’m in the office around the corner from your office. The other nurses in public health have made it clear I’m not welcome, so you won’t find me at their gossipy coffee mornings.

SARAH

Well, you are always welcome to have coffee in my office.

JERIMIAH

Hey Sarah, welcome to Old Buffalo, sorry it’s been unpleasant. It’s not always this dark with grief and sadness. We have our good times too. I’m just a local farmer. You know I have a small plane, a Cessna, which I use for trips and checking the crops. I would be very happy to fly you and Eli on a fun day trip if you like. There’s not a lot to do around here.

WINSTON SMALLWOLF

Hi there Sarah, I’m Winston the Bear Man. Not bare naked. I just mind the bears, keep an eye on them. I will be coming over to your place tomorrow to clear out some of the trees around your cabin. We usually cut them back to 100 feet from the cabin. That way it’s easier for you to see if there are any bears on the property. They generally don’t like coming into the open. If you see one, stay in the house and call the park warden and he will radio me to come on over. Always, without fail, use your bear door window before opening the door, and fasten the bolts, top, and bottom when you are inside. Do not attempt to run for your vehicle. These bears can run real fast. And don’t let your son out in the yard by himself. The safest place is the schoolyard for outdoor play, with an adult.

SARAH

Holy crap, I didn’t realize it was such a big deal with the bears here!

WINSTON

It’s because the cabin they allotted to you, it’s on the bear trail. Someone is trying to scare you off maybe? Get them to assign you a different one as soon as possible. There is a vacant one right in Old Buffalo, next door to the pharmacist’s house.

CODY

Hi, again Sarah. Are you feeling better from the sweat?

SARAH

Sarah avoids direct eye contact.

Yes, thanks.

BONNIE

Cody is running the local youth group, teaching traditional skills; that our youth have been not using. So Cody teaches them fishing, trapping, and takes them to drum circles and camping right Cody?

CODY

And don’t forget the Hand Games Tournament! You’re in for a real northern experience. We have a tournament coming up.

SARAH

Well, that’s if I last. Between Dr.Suleman threatening me, and the buffalo, really I don’t know if I am going to stay. While I’m here, I’m just doing my job, trying to ensure the safety and well-being of the patients. I don’t want to ever experience the tragedy we had today. A teen trying to shoot himself, with narcotics on board; and alcohol in his blood work.

PAUL

Paul casually moves to sit next to Sarah on the sofa.

PAUL

Apparently, he is hanging in. The medivac hospital trip was successful. However, we don’t know if it’s the same Nathan going to come out of this, as the Nathan before he took a rifle to his head. It’s a tragedy.

BONNIE

These guys aren’t in their uniforms; this is Brian and Will, two of the local RCMP officers. They have their concerns over drugs really showing up more than ever in the local area.

And of course, you already know these two docs, Abe and Paul. and This is my husband, Arthur.

ARTHUR

There’s tea and bannock on the table. I made the bannock while Bonnie was at work.

JERIMIAH

If you fancy something more substantial like a steak Sarah, we could go to the Wooden Spoon after meeting, what do you say? A welcome to Old Buffalo dinner on me.

SARAH

Thanks, no. I want to get home.

BONNIE

So we are all agreed. There is a monster of a problem with drugs.

DR. ABE ROSENBERG

We know there are drugs being sold in the community. I am seeing more and more frequently teens are coming in with overdoses, accidental with alcohol as well. Sometimes I see injuries that would match with beatings. Broken bones, including one skull fracture, and knife wounds. It’s pretty horrific.

DR.PAUL MURPHY

And it’s not just boys. The girls are coming in with signs of rape, and beatings, And I had one girl covered in burn marks.

CORPORAL WILL SHIRE

When Brian or myself try to interview victims, they will not talk. Literally, they go mute.

CORPORAL BRIAN MANY RIVERS

The youngest kid I have seen with pills was a ten-year-old girl. She tried to hang herself in the school bathroom. She actually went completely mute for several months. Even now she hardly talks and she would not tell us anything.

SARAH

How is this happening?

BRIAN

Every one of us here knows exactly what is going on. But we don’t have any hard evidence.

CODY

I have friends, and contacts in the other nearby communities. They are also having the same problems. My contacts know where the drugs are coming from. Some of them have been offered money to distribute. They won’t talk to the RCMP either.

DR ABE ROSENBERG

One of the fathers did try to talk. He was found beaten within an inch of his life, in a ditch in freezing weather last winter. It’s a wonder he wasn’t killed. I had about 30 staples in him to close the wounds. He was in the hospital for a week.

BONNIE

We think, pretty much know, Dr. Suleman has a distribution network. He has several ways of getting drugs in quantity to the youth. One way is Hells Angels on Skidoos in winter, bikes in good weather across the U.S. border. They bring in more drugs than Suleman can procure for sale himself. We have seen them. They just disappear into the bush. Another way is he writes extra prescriptions, Gets people hooked, and then has them sell the stuff he seems to get his hands-on, in exchange for more pills and money. I have been keeping an eye on him for a while now. He has two phones and two laptops. One is a burner phone.

JERIMIAH

Well, thanks for this get-together, Bonnie. I am going to have to cut and run. The grain is overheating. You are good folks. I am sure we can come up with something. I have to get going and check the grain bins’ temperature. See you at our next friendly get-together eh?

Don’t forget the steak invite Sarah, and anything you need, I am only too happy to help someone who is doing her best for our community. Thanks for coming to Old Buffalo Sarah. G’night folks.

INT.JERIMIAH’S TRUCK/ NIGHT

Yeah, it’s me. They plan to take you down. Don’t worry about little Miss Sarah. I’ll take care of her.

SPLIT SCREEN

EXT. JERIMIAH’S FARMLAND, EDGE OF A WHEAT FIELD// DAY

INT. SULEMAN’S luxury vehicle-/FRIDAY MORNING

SULEMAN is driving down the bush road. Cell phone rings

Yes!

JERIMIAH

Get on back here. They are headed to the office and your house. How far away are you?

SULEMAN

About 30 minutes if I floor it! I have to get there before them and destroy evidence or I am done and so are you.

SULEMAN reaches for a gun in the glove compartment. He screeches the car to a halt, swings the car around, and speeds off in a cloud of dust in the direction of the hospital.

A small family group of coyotes is on the road. Suleman plows into the coyotes (screaming and howling) killing the animals. F.O.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

What I learned from this assignment was to be on the lookout for naturally occurring crucible opportunities and emphasize the tension.

OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL

A. What closed environments already exist that can be used as
crucibles?

DR. SULEMAN’S OFFICE

B. Where are the conflicts in the story that would be intensified by
creating a crucible?

NEW DISCOVERY THAT THEY ARE ADVERSARIES WITH DIFFERENT AGENDA

A POWER IMBALANCE

C. What characters would you like to confront each other and what
crucible could make that possible?

DR.SULEMAN AND HIS NEW EMPLOYEE

OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL

CHARACTER DR SULEMAN TRAITS

Narcissist, grandiose, delusions of the extent of his power, criminal. Loves his little daughter

Subtext Need for power is endless.

CHARACTER SARAH

Fish out of water, naive, honest, empathetic.

Subtext. Must provide for her young son at all costs.

INT. DR.SULEMAN’S OFFICE/DAY

SULEMAN

Well, how was your first day? I hear you had to pitch in early. That’s how it is here Sarah. All teamwork. You know what I mean, don’t you Sarah?

Dr. Suleman puts His hand on Sarah’s shoulder. Sarah looks uncomfortable.

SARAH

I certainly do. Everyone has been most helpful. Very professional.

SULEMAN

Here I am the captain of my ship. Master and Commander. My word is gold here Sarah. No questions asked. We all do as we are asked, no one rocks the boat. teamwork. I think you understand Sarah. Out of the hospital, you can call me Teddy. In here though, I am literally the God of the hospital. Healing the sick and walking wounded, the worried well, and the neurotics. That’s my mission, called to serve and do God’s healing work.

Sarah steps back. Dr.Suleman releases his hand on her shoulder

SARAH

Sarah speaks in a low, calm tone.

Thanks for that Dr.Suleman. Of course, I understand and respect your rank as Chief of Medical Staff. However, I do believe communication flow can be so very helpful. In fact, I did want to ask you about some concerns I had about the medications the patients who came in today were on.

Sarah’s voice volume rises to a more assertive clear tone.

SARAH cont.

They had all been on various narcotics for months. And really wondered about the safety of the kid on Vicodin? I’m hoping we can start weaning them off and trying other ways of dealing with their issues other than narcotics. Can we talk about this tomorrow? I really have to get going now.

Dr. Suleman uses his arm to block Sarah’s exit. He looks furious. Suleman is talking in a low voice, his voice gradually rising to an angry pitch.

SULEMAN

You are either remarkably stupid or possibly deaf. If you don’t want to get yourself into a whole lot of grief. Think about what you are saying and the possible consequences for you! This is your first day and, you, a mere minion in my kingdom have the gall to question my judgment!

SARAH

Suleman grabs Suleman’s arm and removes it from the door and exits.

[anna harper]

Anna’s amazing settings. DAY 6

What I learned from this assignment. I had neglected to add any descriptors from some scenes. It was as though I had dressed the main scenes and ignored the rest. The material has lots of potential to yield atmospheric curiosity-provoking questions. I am really glad I did this exercise, and hope that the descriptions help to sell the script.

SILENT NIGHT

Silent Night is set in the historic seaside village of Lyme Regis. It has been used to film a number of movies hit movies, including The French Lieutenant’s Woman.

I FAILED TO PUT IN ANY DESCRIPTORS WHICH WOULD ADD TO THE SCENE.

The scene heading is generic and does nothing to enhance the script. RATING 0

INT; DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY. ORIGINAL

STEVE enters and listens to the noise of running water.

Dylan, are you in the bathtub? It’s only 3 o clock in the afternoon! What’s going on, are you sick or something? You never have a bath at this time. What are you up to?

Steve opens the bathroom door. Alfie is in the bathtub looking rueful, with lots of bubble bath, towels, and water everywhere.

ALFIE: Now what are you going to do. How are you going to explain this with your not-talking thing going on?

DYLAN I don’t know what to do. I’ll wait and see what Dad says, and then try waving my hands around, it usually works. Though I’ve never had to explain a giant dirty dog in our bathtub before.

STEVE: What the blooming heck is all this? Who or what is that smelly animal doing in my bathtub. Dylan, for God’s sake, speak to me for once. Elizabeth Perkins is due over in an hour.

SCENE 1 CHANGES

INT. DYLAN/STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY

There are no descriptors here that would create the unique flavor and feel of the interior of a modest cottage. RATING 0

CHANGES KITCHEN AND BATHROOM

INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/DAY

The cottage is a small Victorian cottage. The back entry (from the garden) is into an almost claustrophobic kitchen. There are objects peculiar to British kitchens in older houses. There is a small washing machine under the counter, there is an ugly water heater mounted on the wall. There is a very small table and two chairs. The UK flag is illustrated on bunting which is frequently displayed indoors in the UK. The countertop is displaying a few classic British food products (product/sponsor placement). </font>The sink is typically located in front of a window. There is usually a small under-the-counter fridge. A photo of Dylan’s Mother is prominently displayed.

INT; DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY.

STEVE enters and listens to the noise of running water.

Dylan, are you in the bathtub? It’s only 3 o clock in the afternoon! What’s going on, are you sick or something? You never have a bath at this time. What are you up to?

INT.BATHROOM/DAY

The bathroom is typical of a modest older cottage. There is a pull chain tank toilet, an old roll-top tub, and a sink that is out of WW2. It’s probably white with wood plank flooring. and a seaside-themed shower curtain (mermaids?) shower curtain.

Steve opens the bathroom door. Alfie is in the bathtub looking rueful, with lots of bubble bath towels, and water everywhere.

ALFIE: V.O. Now what are you going to do? How are you going to explain this with your not-talking thing going on?

DYLAN V.O.I don’t know what to do. I’ll wait and see what Dad says, and then try waving my hands around, it usually works. Though I’ve never had to explain a dog in our bathtub before.

STEVE: What the blooming heck is all this? Who or what is that smelly animal doing in my bathtub. Dylan, for God’s sake, speak to me for once. Elizabeth Perkins is due over in an hour. What in heaven? Why is there a donkey in my bathtub?

ALFIE

Alfie barks and wags his tail. Soap bubbles fly everywhere.

STEVE

I see, it’s a dog the size of a donkey. The whole house smells like a dirty dog. Lord in heaven help us! Elizabeth, Miss Perkins from your school is supposed to be coming here at any minute for dinner, now what am I going to do? We cannot keep a dog, Dylan. Now please clean this mess up. I will have to take Elizabeth out for dinner instead. Jesus Murphy this is all I need!

RATING 7

It pretty much communicates the quirkiness of old cottage bathrooms in an interesting, curiosity-producing way.

SCENE 2

ORIGINAL EXT.PARK/DAY ORIGINAL

DAISY

Hey look over there, isn’t that Victor? What’s he doing here?

Victor is walking along hands in pockets, head down. He sees Dylan, Daisy, and Alfie, and slows down, moving further away from the dog.

DAISY

Hey Victor, come over here.

DYLAN

It’s OK Alfie is friendly.

ALFIE

Alfie gets up and wags his tail.

DAISY

So how come you are at the park? It’s Christmas Day. We just came to swap gifts and then we are going to Dylan’s house for Christmas dinner. What are you doing?

CHANGES PARK SCENE

Dylan and Daisy are at the seafront park. They are sitting inside the vintage rain shelter, which is open to the sea and the promenade below. There are footpaths and a (green in all seasons) expanse of lawn flowing down to the sea and beach below. All of the trees and the outside of the shelter are decorated with Christmas lights. Below on the promenade is the town’s Silver Band playing traditional hymns and collecting donations for charity. There are a few Christmas strollers walking the promenade enjoying the fair weather of Christmas Day. The background sounds are surf, band music, and seagulls.

EXT.SEAFRONT PARK/DAY

Dylan, Alfie, and Daisy are sitting inside the beachfront rain shelter exchanging gifts.

DYLAN

Thanks, the tattoos are really cool How long will they last for?

DAISY

The lady in the shop said you could even wear them in the bath a few times. I got you a whole bunch of them so you could have a tattoo for quite a while.

DYLAN

My Dad won’t mind if I wear this kind of tattoo. He just won’t let me go to a tattoo place and get a real one. Says, I’m too young. I wish he would treat me more like I’m growing up.

DAISY

I really like this My Little Mermaid doll. Thank you so much Dylan. I know my mom and Dad will let me keep it because it’s from you, another family. And Chinese people don’t want to offend others. It’s really nice to have a present today. My family does not celebrate Christmas. And my Mom does not want me to have toys. Sometimes, I don’t want to grow up so fast.

DYLAN

Why doesn’t your Mom want you to have stuff?

DAISY

Cause I am supposed to be more grown-up and concentrate on my music lessons and school. My family is really competitive. They want me to succeed. My Mom is called a Tiger Mother.

DYLAN

Wow, that sounds pretty scary. Hey look over there, isn’t that Victor? What’s he doing here?

Victor is walking along the seafront promenade, hands in pockets, head down and kicking stones.. He sees Dylan, Daisy, and Alfie, and slows down, looking sideways warily at the dog.

DAISY

Hey Victor, come up here.

DYLAN

It’s OK Alfie is friendly.

ALFIE

Alfie gets up and wags his tail.

DAISY

Come in and sit with us. So how come you are at the park? It’s Christmas Day. We just came to swap gifts and then we are going to Dylan’s house for Christmas dinner. What are you doing?

VICTOR

I couldn’t stand all the yelling at my house so I came out for some peace. My Mom already burnt the turkey and my Dad’s been drinking.

DYLAN

We have a big turkey, come over with us and eat at my house. My Dad had to shove the turkey in; it would hardly fit in our small oven. And there’s all the trimmings, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce. You don’t even have to eat the vegetables if you don’t like them.

DAISY

Yeah, and Dylan’s got a really complicated Lego set we can help him with it.

DYLAN

You can phone your parents from my place. That way, they won’t have a canary, or my Dad can phone if you like. My Dad’s new friend Mickey is there, she brought a whole bunch of Christmas stuff from the bakery.

RATING 8.5

THE SCENE DESCRIPTIONS (2) CREATE THE DESIRED AMBIENCE AND SHIFT TO A GROWING FRIENDSHIP IN THE CLOSENESS OF THE RAIN SHELTER.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

What I learned from this assignment. I have a clearer understanding of the theory of setups and payoffs. I had to do a mash-up of several scenes in order to make this work. This is new to me. In truth, I have been only writing instinctively. The analysis helped me to see where I could be stronger in ensuring the audience got the message that was intended.

MAIN CHARACTER

SARAH WARWICK 30ish, single mother, middle class with a beer budget and champagne taste. She is permanently stressed, struggles to maintain her status quo. Just out of an on and off relationship with art prof RAY.

After I wrote this piece of work, I had to cut all the transitional scenes to make this short enough for an assignment.

SITUATION SET UP

SARAH WARWICK has just lost her job as her place of work is closing down. She is a single mother, To 5-year-old Eli. She is a stylish urban woman. Her friends enjoy the urban lifestyle, going to wine bars and the symphony.

EXT.LARGE OLD HOUSE-DAY-ESTABLISHING

A large sign reads Hearts and Hands Seniors Society. Staff (younger people) and a group of senior citizens take boxes and household objects from the house to a moving truck, some of them place boxes in cars. An elderly lady is sitting on the porch crying. People chat as they help each other close down the senior citizen’s social house. A YOUNG WOMAN wearing a suit appears to be in charge.

SARAH WARWICK a thirty-something mental health worker is directing the move out from the senior’s social center.

SARAH

Over here, put that one in the truck. Thanks, you are such a great help. We are almost done. Let’s head on over to the restaurant for our farewell lunch.

CHARLIE WUTNEY A noticeably elderly Aboriginal man approaches Sarah. Charlie opens a folded bandana he has in his hand, to reveal a silver eagle on a thin piece of deerskin leather.

CHARLIE

This is for you Sarah, it’s just a little something to say thank you. It belonged to my grandmother, she was a powerful medicine woman. Wear it when you need a little help. Then watch out for an eagle to show up.

Sarah hugs Charlie

SARAH

Thank you. It’s beautiful. Your grandmother’s? Are you sure Charlie? We don’t often get eagles here in the city, though we could sure use an eagle about now.

CHARLIE

Maybe it oughta be a horse? Had a dream about a horse last night. Couldn’t figure it out. Maybe it was the pickles I ate with my poutine. Maybe it was the poutine, too much gravy giving me wild horse dreams. This morning I had a brilliant breakfast, cold pizza, and coke, my fave eh Sarah That caffeine fires up my old brain. Then I had this epiphany. You are going on a journey. That’s the meaning of the horse dream.

SARAH

I am going to miss you my friend and especially your stories. I’ll still be here in the city though, I am a city girl for sure Charlie. Maybe we’ll run into each other.

CHARLIE

No, I am going to stay with my sister. Heading out to Las Vegas on the Greyhound. Gonna play the slots, see some shows. And you are not going to be here either Sarah. My horse dream says you are going on a journey, a real big journey that is much more than going from one place to another. Look for eagles, Sarah.

INT.SARAH’S HOUSE/DAY

CLAIRE LEBLANC, Sarah’s friend is on the other end of the phone with Sarah.

SARAH

It was bloody awful Claire. I cried through the whole moving, closing down fiasco. I even cried at the luncheon. And there is the not-so-small matter of not having a job. Love you, gotta go and make supper, bye.

Talking out loud to herself, ignoring ELI.

God, I have to find a job soon or it will be Mr. Noodle for supper. Never mind McDonald’s. This paper is ready for the bin, it’s a week old.

Sarah focuses on what she is reading and talks slowly.

Oh my God, there’s a job fair for hospital staff. Holy crap, it’s on now! How can that be? It closes at 5. O.K. Eli, McDonald’s it is. Get a clean T-shirt on, super fast.

INT.CONVENTION HALL

Sarah approaches one of the few tables left. A display poster is advertising jobs in the Yukon.

Talking out loud to herself quietly, in a frantic tone.

God, it’s the bloody North Pole. We don’t want to go there. Where are the jobs in the city? I’m sure there isn’t a Starbucks or a wine bar. What would we do? I’d go completely mad.

The H.R. lady takes her resume.

H.R. LADY

Are you interested in the far North? We have a good school you know, and the northern pay scale is very generous.

SARAH

Is there daycare available? A health food grocery perhaps?

H.R. LADY

Well (laughing) a healthy lifestyle is what we have in abundance. Do you like canoeing or perhaps snowshoeing.? And we have really healthy wild organic meat. Moose stew is a local favorite

SARAH

V.O. Dear God, please let me get a proper job in the City. This is a completely mad, nonstarter for them and for me.

SARAH

Thanks, look forward to hearing from you.

Sarah gives a fake smile. Sarah and Eli start to walk quickly to the exit.

V.O. SARAH. Well, that was a bloody waste of time. I wonder how much they pay?

INT.WINE BAR/EVENING

CLAIRE Married, has two kids, works in a bank.

CLAIRE So are we getting season’s tickets for the symphony?

SARAH

I can’t commit to anything except next month’s rent. Not until I get this job thing sorted. So far the only possible glimmer of light is a job in the Yukon. And I don’t bloody want to go. They haven’t called me yet. I am scared shitless they will, and I am scared shitless they won’t.

PORTIA Sarah’s friend from University, a lawyer, married no kids. Pretentious, competitive, and neurotic.

PORTIA

Don’t go then. Wait, something will turn up. Go on the pogey. You could go to my family’s cabin on the lake, hang out there. I pay my cleaning lady 20 dollars an hour. You could do my house cleaning for a while.

INT.SARAH’S BEDROOM/NIGHT

SPLIT SCREEN

Sarah’s parents are singing Happy Birthday.

SARAH

Mom? Dad? yes, it’s just after midnight here. I know it’s about 8 in the morning where you are Thank you for the birthday song. Just very, very tired. I told you about the senior’s center; it closed a couple of days ago.

DOROTHY WARWICK a middle-aged, middle-class woman, with an uptight vibe, hair makeup, and jewelry from the 90’s talks to Sarah.

DOROTHY WARWICK

We thought we would send you a subscription to Country Life and a Marks and Spencer’s overseas treat hamper.

SARAH

Thanks, Mom. Can I have a word with Dad, please? Hi there Dad. I was wondering if this year you could send me some cash for my birthday. I’m laid off, not much yet in the way of a sensible job.

VICTOR WARWICK ex-military, successful businessman, Lions member. Has an arrogant air about him. Wearing a three-piece banker’s suit and a tie. Holding a cup and saucer in one hand, phone in the other. Victor wanted a son, not a daughter.

VICTOR WARWICK

Are you asking for money Sarah? How much?

SARAH

How much? It’s going to take me a couple of months. I will get a bit from unemployment, pogey you know. Can you manage a thousand?

Victor puts the cup and saucer down, looks depressed, puts his hand to his forehead, and speaks in an incredulous tone.

VICTOR

A thousand dollars?

SARAH

No, I meant a thousand pounds, not dollars.

VICTOR

You were the first divorce in the family. Our friends were quite shocked. Your poor Mother was so embarrassed. No, I am afraid there won’t be any money Sarah.

SARAH

Dad, I was laid off, the center closed down. I cannot just magic up a job. It’s not my fault. Surely to God …Dad, Dad?

Sarah falls back on her bed. Drops the phone on the floor.

SARAH. CONTD.

And I love you too! Miserable buggers.

Sarah puts the pillow over her face.

INT.SARAH’S BEDROOM/MORNING

Claire, it’s me. They called. I got the job, Oh God. They have couriered the contract. I can’t think what to do.

OK gotta go volunteering at the Seniors Lunch and bingo. Lucky me. Jesus Claire, I can’t believe this is happening to me. It’s crazy and it’s not just the money. I really just don’t want to go. It’s like I’m between a rock and a fucking hard place. They have given me 24 hours to review it You know they eat moose up there. God. Eli wants to see bears, He thinks they are cool. I phoned a lady called Bonnie, my possible future assistant. She says you can drive to the dump, the dump! and watch bears. Did I mention the bear door? Our cabin has a bear door. It s has a sliding solid wood window cover. You have to open it and look for bears before you open the door. That’s some reality baby.

INT.PORTIA’S HOUSE/EVENING

The friends are having drinks, and discussing their situations.

RAY Sarah’s old, on and off boyfriend, a University art professor has dropped by. They are talking in private on the patio.

RAY

Look, you don’t know what you are getting into. It’s dangerous up there in many ways you don’t even have any clue about yet. The northern communities can be volatile, lots of drug abuse issues. And there’s the climate, That’s why I brought this, I used it when I was up there,on a three-month cultural exchange. You will be able to feel your eyeballs freezing in your head, and I am not kidding.

RAY takes a large camouflage army parka from a garbage bag.

RAY cont

Got it from the Army surplus store. This is what the army dudes use. The fur around the edge is wolf, politically incorrect yes, however, it’s the only fur that won’t freeze to your skin. And this, I want you to have this, it’s my gas card. There’s about 300 dollars on it. You’re going to need it. Sorry, there’s some small ciggy burns on the coat and a few gobs of paint. I am going to miss you. You’re a brave girl. Never a dull moment. Now put this parka on and show the girls.

SARAH

Sarah enters the living room, she is walking like a penguin, the hood is zipped up into a little fur outlined tunnel around her face. Sarah stands silently, waiting for the girls to notice her outfit.

CLAIRE

Things can’t be that bad. I noticed Eli was wearing little golf shirts with expensive designer logos.

PORTIA

My dear, Sarah told me she got them at the Church Bring and Buy sale; they are second hand for God’s sake. What’s next, second-hand shoes for the poor kid.?

Sarah speaks firmly and loudly through the parka tunnel.

SARAH

We are going to the Yukon.

Sarah makes eye contact with Portia and speaks in a calm, firm voice.

Portia, thanks for the evening in your lovely house. Eli and I will be living in a log cabin, surrounded by mountains, rivers, wild animals, and all manner of adventures and excitement. You will be here in your boring suburban life. You are BTW a stuck-up, pretentious, narrow-minded bitch! And you can fuck right off with your cleaning lady job!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

DAY 4 TWISTS ANNA HARPER

What I learned: turning a banal scene into an amped-up twist really improves the entertainment value of the script

SILENT NIGHT

CHARACTER TRAITS DYLAN MARTIN PROTAGONIST

Operates from the perspective of a 13-year-old boy, deeply wounded by the death of his mother.

Dylan chooses elective mutism as his modus operandi, as self-protective yet isolating. as a reaction to his trauma.

He loves his Dad but feels consistently misunderstood.

Want

Dylan wants to stay in his bubble,

Need

He needs friends and more of a life outside of his own head.

Paradoxes

Sometimes Dylan feels the urge to speak, but the words won’t come out.

Dylan wants to stay in his bubble yet would like to be included with school friends.

Secrets

Dylan believes he is close to his mother in his world of silence.

Although he is antisocial and isolated his interests in music and art have him dreaming of singing on stage in the next Britain’s Got Talent contest. He wants to be like his Dad, heroic.

Flaw

Dylan is egocentric. He fails to feel the anguish he is causing his
Dad. All he cares about generally is himself.

Special

Although he is antisocial and isolated his interests in music and art have him dreaming of singing on stage in the next Britain’s Got Talent contest. and going to art school.

SUBTEXT Dylan is still fearful of Victor but realizes he has a strong ally in Alfie, who is helping Dylan’s character arc evolve.

CHARACTERS FOR THIS SCENE

DYLAN PROTAGONIST

DAISY FRIEND OF DYLAN

VICTOR ANTAGONIST, ALPHA BULLY, OF A GROUP OF BULLIES WHO PREVIOUSLY INSTIGATED A FISTFIGHT WITH DYLAN, AND MAKES LIFE MISERABLE FOR DYLAN BY TAUNTING HIM.

SITUATION Dylan and Daisy are at the park with Alfie. They are exchanging Christmas presents and chatting about their perspectives on life from the POV of ambivalent coming of age young teenagers

ORIGINAL

DAISY

Hey look over there, isn’t that Victor? What’s he doing here?

Victor is walking along hands in pockets, head down. He sees Dylan, Daisy, and Alfie, and slows down, moving further away from the dog.

DAISY

Hey Victor, come over here.

DYLAN

It’s OK Alfie is friendly.

ALFIE

Alfie gets up and wags his tail.

DAISY

So how come you are at the park? It’s Christmas Day. We just came to swap gifts and then we are going to Dylan’s house for Christmas dinner. What are you doing?

VICTOR

I couldn’t stand all the yelling at my house so I came out for some peace. My Mom already burnt the turkey and my Dad’s been drinking.

DYLAN

We have a big turkey, come over with us and eat at my house. My Dad had to shove the turkey in, it would hardly fit in our small oven. And there’s all the trimmings, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce. You don’t even have to eat the vegetables if you don’t like them.

DAISY

Yeah, and Dylan’s got a really complicated Lego set we can help him with it.

NEW VERSION

DYLAN

Hey look over there, isn’t that Victor? What’s he doing here? Maybe he is here to give me a Christmas punch in the eye.

DAISY

Let’s just, you know, just be chill, laid back, and see what happens.

DYLAN

Geez, Daisy, it’s not you, he is going to punch the living daylights out of.

Victor is walking along hands in pockets, head down. He sees Dylan, Daisy, and Alfie, and slows down, moving further away from the dog.

DYLAN

Bollocks!

DAISY

Let’s check it out. Don’t be scared, Dylan.

Hey Victor, come over here.

Victor looks at Alfie and freezes.

DYLAN

It’s OK Alfie is friendly, he won’t bite.

ALFIE

Alfie gets up and wags his tail.

DYLAN

Come closer, you can pet Alfie if you like, he’s cool.

Victor moves close and runs his hand over Alfie’s fur.

DAISY

So how come you are at the park? It’s Christmas Day. We just came to swap gifts and then we are going to Dylan’s house for Christmas dinner. What are you doing here?

VICTOR

I couldn’t stand all the yelling at my house so I came out for some peace. My Mom already burnt the turkey and my Dad’s been drinking.

A few moments of silence pass.

DYLAN

Sorry to hear that mate. That doesn’t sound in the Christmas mood, does it? We have a big turkey, come over with us and eat at my house. My Dad had to shove the turkey in, it would hardly fit in our small oven. And there’s all the stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce. And a bunch of deserts. You don’t even have to eat the vegetables if you don’t like them.

DAISY

Yeah, and Dylan’s got a really complicated Lego set we can help him with it.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Dramatic Irony Day 3

What did I learn from this assignment? I was totally stumped at first. I could think of some films I had watched, but nothing I had written or was in the process of writing. The following is an IP with this as the first step, with a lot of editing to create a script from the IP with dramtic irony.

I have never consciously thought about creating dramatic irony before.

THE BITTERSWEET OF SUMMER’S END Anna Corbett (HARPER)

KEY CHARACTERS FOR THIS ASSIGNMENT

AHMED Proprietor of the Gates of India. Born and raised in Birmingham. U.K An excellent cook. Widowed, one son Abdul wants to become a human rights lawyer. Exeter University has accepted Ahmed’s son. Ahmed is very worried about the fees which are now overdue. In fact, Ahmed is clinically depressed; a nervous wreck.

MAJOR BUNNY HOLMES OBE retired. Army Intelligence and a former spy. Married to Margaret; breeder of Irish Wolfhounds. Unfortunately, she is getting a bit dotty. Margaret recently set fire to Bunny’s steak dinner.

DAVID AND GOLIATH SIS British Intelligence Officers

ANTON Serbian Spy, a thug. Not overly bright. Money Lender.

MAJOR BUNNY HOLMES

They have already vetted all of you. They know everything. What is in your bank account, or should I say not in your bank account. Of course, they know about Caleb, Stu’s marriage problems, where Maggie is, and what she has been doing. They know about Anthony’s mother, Ahmed’s problems, and Jonathan’s burnout. Cleo, and the whole bloody lot of you. They know when you take a shit. So, don’t mess with them. Got it?”

Bunny’s private army enters a large meeting room. There are only two men there, not wearing uniforms of any kind. Both have guns in shoulder holsters. The men appear to be very fit, middle-aged with nothing remarkable (other than the guns), about their appearance. Definitely not James Bond material. One of them invites the group to be seated.

DAVID

For the purpose of our meeting, I am agent David, and my partner here is agent Goliath.

We understand you all are in need of financial support. We will discuss that later. Today we are on a mission to find the Russian operative who is posing as a Serb in Anton’s gang of thugs. The Russian government is on the outs with the Serbs at present. The Russians would love to internationally cause a lack of trust in the Serbs. So, the Russian agents may seek to disclose by various means what the Serbs are up to without their knowing that the rot comes from within. Meanwhile, they use the cover of the Serbian infrastructure, satellite communications, and dark locations, to piggyback their own agenda on British soil. That is until they are ready to throw the Serbs under the bus. I must warn you that this is a dangerous mission. However, we are confident. You are valuable to us as you have no footprint. You are just ordinary civilians, and you have local knowledge. It will be easy for you to flow through your daily activities as cover. Therefore it is hoped they will not tumble to our operation. Seek, find and destroy the Russian operatives, and deport the Serbs. That is after we have finished with them.

GOLIATH

The first part of this assignment, should you decide to take it on, is to deliver the money that Caleb owes, which is now double what he borrowed, and to have Anton, who was Caleb’s contact, become interested in you. You will achieve this by being disrespectful and dismissive. We will coach you on technique. We call it The Chinese Takeaway.

Step 1. The money owed to Anton will be returned as part of our plant to lure in Anton.

Step 2. You will commit a crime. We will set up everything for you. It will be a real crime in broad daylight. You will get away with it. Anton will hear about it, he will then contact you

DAVID

Are you in, or are you on your way back to your daily life in the village?

STANLY

In.

JONATHON

Yes. What have I got to lose?

STU

We are all in, right?

AHMED

Looks like it’s a go then.

GOLIATH

Good, we start tomorrow. Ahmed, you are going to be the money delivery boy.

AHMED

Wetting himself. God is good. Mohamed help me!

Ahmed is wearing a full Sikh, orange turban, a perfectly fitted faux beard, and thick faux eyebrows. A pair of heavy-rimmed glasses complete his disguise transforming him from a contemporary Moslem man into a traditional Sikh. His outer costume is that of a Skip the Dishes delivery man.

Ahmed parks his scooter nervously takes his insulated food bag from the back cargo holder and walks over to the seafront cottage, where Caleb arranged his money loan from Anton. He rings the bell.

AHMED

Delivery for Anton!

ANTON

Opens the front door looking pissed off.

I didn’t order any food.

Silently Ahmed opens the pizza box to display bundles of cash. A handgun lies alongside the pizza box in the food bag. Ahmed removes the gun from the pizza box to his pants belt.

AHMED

This is from Caleb. You are all done with Caleb. Stay away. This is double the original loan.

Anton looks visibly taken aback as Ahmed disappears on his scooter in the opposite direction of the village centre. Ahmed rounds a corner with a waiting van with a ramp, and rides the scooter up into the waiting van; the shutter comes down and the van departs

AHMED

I think I am going to throw up. I didn’t intend to get this involved.

STU

No, you are fine. You did it, well done. We hit the first milestone.

AHMED

Actually, I am impressed with myself. It was also very exciting, even though I am sweating like the proverbial pig. I must get off this turban. I am an insult to both religions and most certainly I am going to hell. But, it was all for a good cause.

Stu, pass me some water, I am so thirsty I might pass out from dehydration.

[anna harper]

What did I learn from this assignment? I was totally stumped at first. I could think of some films I had watched, but nothing I had written or was in the process of writing. The following is an IP with this as the first step, with a lot of editing to create a script from the IP.

I have never consciously thought about creating dramatic irony before.

THE BITTERSWEET OF SUMMER’S END Anna Corbett (HARPER)

KEY CHARACTERS FOR THIS ASSIGNMENT

AHMED Proprietor of the Gates of India. Born and raised in Birmingham. U.K An excellent cook. Widowed, one son Abdul wants to become a human rights lawyer. Exeter University has accepted Ahmed’s son. Ahmed is very worried about the fees which are now overdue. In fact, Ahmed is clinically depressed; a nervous wreck.

MAJOR BUNNY HOLMES OBE retired. Army Intelligence and a former spy. Married to Margaret; breeder of Irish Wolfhounds. Unfortunately, she is getting a bit dotty. Margaret recently set fire to Bunny’s steak dinner.

DAVID AND GOLIATH SIS British Intelligence Officers

ANTON Serbian Spy, a thug. Not overly bright. Money Lender.

MAJOR BUNNY HOLMES

They have already vetted all of you. They know everything. What is in your bank account, or should I say not in your bank account. Of course, they know about Caleb, Stu’s marriage problems, where Maggie is, and what she has been doing. They know about Anthony’s mother, Ahmed’s problems, and Jonathan’s burnout. Cleo, and the whole bloody lot of you. They know when you take a shit. So, don’t mess with them. Got it?”

Bunny’s private army enters a large meeting room. There are only two men there, not wearing uniforms of any kind. Both have guns in shoulder holsters. The men appear to be very fit, middle-aged with nothing remarkable (other than the guns), about their appearance. Definitely not James Bond material. One of them invites the group to be seated.

DAVID

For the purpose of our meeting, I am agent David, and my partner here is agent Goliath.

We understand you all are in need of financial support. We will discuss that later. Today we are on a mission to find the Russian operative who is posing as a Serb in Anton’s gang of thugs. The Russian government is on the outs with the Serbs at present. The Russians would love to internationally cause a lack of trust in the Serbs. So, the Russian agents may seek to disclose by various means what the Serbs are up to without their knowing that the rot comes from within. Meanwhile, they use the cover of the Serbian infrastructure, satellite communications, and dark locations, to piggyback their own agenda on British soil. That is until they are ready to throw the Serbs under the bus. I must warn you that this is a dangerous mission. However, we are confident. You are valuable to us as you have no footprint. You are just ordinary civilians, and you have local knowledge. It will be easy for you to flow through your daily activities as cover. Therefore it is hoped they will not tumble to our operation. Seek, find and destroy the Russian operatives, and deport the Serbs. That is after we have finished with them.

GOLIATH

The first part of this assignment, should you decide to take it on, is to deliver the money that Caleb owes, which is now double what he borrowed, and to have Anton, who was Caleb’s contact, become interested in you. You will achieve this by being disrespectful and dismissive. We will coach you on technique. We call it The Chinese Takeaway.

Step 1. The money owed to Anton will be returned as part of our plant to lure in Anton.

Step 2. You will commit a crime. We will set up everything for you. It will be a real crime in broad daylight. You will get away with it. Anton will hear about it, he will then contact you

DAVID

Are you in, or are you on your way back to your daily life in the village?

STANLY

In.

JONATHON

Yes. What have I got to lose?

STU

We are all in, right?

AHMED

Looks like it’s a go then.

GOLIATH

Good, we start tomorrow. Ahmed, you are going to be the money delivery boy.

AHMED

Wetting himself. God is good. Mohamed help me!

Ahmed is wearing a full Sikh, orange turban, a perfectly fitted faux beard, and thick faux eyebrows. A pair of heavy-rimmed glasses complete his disguise transforming him from a contemporary Moslem man into a traditional Sikh. His outer costume is that of a Skip the Dishes delivery man.

Ahmed parks his scooter nervously takes his insulated food bag from the back cargo holder and walks over to the seafront cottage, where Caleb arranged his money loan from Anton. He rings the bell.

AHMED

Delivery for Anton!

ANTON

Opens the front door looking pissed off.

I didn’t order any food.

Silently Ahmed opens the pizza box to display bundles of cash. A handgun lies alongside the pizza box in the food bag. Ahmed removes the gun from the pizza box to his pants belt.

AHMED

This is from Caleb. You are all done with Caleb. Stay away. This is double the original loan.

Anton looks visibly taken aback as Ahmed disappears on his scooter in the opposite direction of the village centre. Ahmed rounds a corner with a waiting van with a ramp, and rides the scooter up into the waiting van; the shutter comes down and the van departs

AHMED

I think I am going to throw up. I didn’t intend to get this involved.

STU

No, you are fine. You did it, well done. We hit the first milestone.

AHMED

Actually, I am impressed with myself. It was also very exciting, even though I am sweating like the proverbial pig. I must get off this turban. I am an insult to both religions and most certainly I am going to hell. But, it was all for a good cause.

Stu, pass me some water, I am so thirsty I might pass out from dehydration.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper DAY 2 Dramatic Devices

What I learned from this assignment; I want to develop these scenes further for a script in progress. However, I am not conversant with writing action/drama so am hoping I can improve on the scenes below. I am requesting gangster scripts to get more ideas, so far this all I could come up with.

OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL

Dr. TEDDY SULEMAN Antagonist has been caught out dealing drugs.

Dr. Suleman is driving down the bush road. Cell phone rings

DR. TEDDY SULEMAN

Yes!

JERIMIAH (Mole)

Get on back here. They are headed to the office and your house. How far away are you?

SULEMAN

About 30 minutes if I floor it! I have to get there before them and destroy evidence or I am done and so are you.

Suleman reaches for a gun in the glove compartment. He screeches the car to a halt, swings the car around, and speeds off in a cloud of dust in the direction of the hospital.

A small family group of coyotes are on the road. Suleman plows into the coyotes (screaming and howling) killing the animals, and keeps on driving.

INT.Dr. Suleman’s Office/day

Sarah is frantically going through the desk drawers, not finding anything. As she steps back she notices a briefcase under the desk and pulls it out, and opens it up.

SARAH

Gotcha, you murderous bastard!

The door bangs open, and Suleman enters, lunges toward Sarah, and attempts to get the briefcase. Sarah grabs the fire extinguisher off the wall and smashes his arm. Suleman is enraged and corners Sarah grabbing the case off her and slapping her hard, Sarah screams and falls to the floor knocking her head on the desk. She blacks out briefly comes around and uses her phone.

Sarah

Suleman has a briefcase with evidence in it. He just left the hospital.

PAUL

Paul comes running into the office.

What the hell happened? Are you O.K?

SARAH

Suleman caught me with the evidence we needed. I called Manyrivers. They are ready for him.

EXT. HOSPITAL/DAY

Paul, Sarah, and Bonnie are running after Suleman

PAUL

He’s got a gun, get down!

Suleman opens the car window, draws his gun, and beings to fire on them, his car screaming around in a circle and then taking off in a cloud of smoke and dust.

Bonnie is hit.

EXT. STAKEOUT LOCATION SULEMAN’S HOUSE/DAY

Winston Smallwolf (the bear-man) and Abe Smith (father of the suicidal boy) are positioned on the roof of the house, out of sight, rifles ready. Police vehicles are positioned at the rear of the property. Officers are inside the property waiting for Suleman to enter. One police car is visible. Manyrivers takes cover behind the vehicle. Suleman screams up in a cloud of dust. Suleman fires his gun in direction of Manyrivers. A shoot-out follows. Winston shoots Suleman injuring him, Abe is wounded.

MANYRIVERS

On the radio

Abe, Winston go home, no good will come of this. He’s already wounded, we can handle this. You will get yourself killed.

ABE SMITH

That bastard just about killed my boy. We are not going anywhere.

Suleman wheels his car around, dust and gravel flying, shooting out of the window,

MANYRIVERS

Get out of the car Suleman, it’s over.

Suleman fires his gun. Manyrivers returns fire, Winston shoots, killing Suleman..

MANYRIVERS

Wilf, call the coroner’s office. Tell them to come and collect the garbage. Suleman’s doctoring days are over.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Lesson 1 Dramatic moments

Power of the Dog

What I learned from this movie; every moment was packed with drama. In terms of documenting and analyzing it was necessary to get to the essence and move on.

Power of the Dog

An amazing film that deserved all the wins.

The dramatic tension in the movie was greatly amplified by the cinematography which used the epic landscape, and the ever-changing moods and light on the mountains to contain the second layer of the story world. The cattle ranch and the support businesses, way stations, saloon, a grain elevator, and boarding house are contained within the backdrop of the mountains. The music/soundtrack also added a layer of drama. There were many smaller details seeded throughout, that did not involve dialogue, yet told the story and illustrated the characters.

Some of those detail were; Phile the antagonist banging his cowboy heels and spurs jangling as he walked menacingly. The costuming shows the character arc; Rose the love interest of George Phil’s brother starts by wearing farm girl attire and as she falls into alcoholism her clothing becomes more sexual in nature. All amplifying the drama of the moment.

Other dramatic details I noticed were, taxidermy on the walls, symbols of wealth and prowess, and foreboding of death.

Main characters

Phil Antagonist

George, brother to Phil, Protagonist 1

Rose George’s love interest, Protagonist 2

Peter, son of Rose, a college kid Protagonist 3

Opening scene; the drama in this scene is provided by the chaos of cattle being herded, the cowboys yelling, dust flying, all with the backdrop of the mountains.

Phil and George are riding together, it is quickly obvious that this is a wealthy ranch and that George is the one who handles the business and Phil is following his dream as a hands-on cattle rancher. The drama unfolds with dialogue between Phil and George, which is immediately a nasty onslaught from Phil and sets the tone for the rest of the movie. Phil cuts his brother up relentlessly, being just plain nasty. We do not know why at this point

George is attired throughout in clothes that would befit a banker, even when helping with moving the herd. He is a gentle and quiet person providing an almost annoying passive contrast to Phils’ constant attacks. and ground in cowboy dirt.

The second scene has the cattlemen and the herd arriving at a sort of cookhouse/ boarding house. Phil behaves very rudely and mocks Peter who is waiting table, referring to his more gentle ways as effeminate. The bad behavior escalates throughout the meal.

Rose and her son are visibly upset by the taunting of the cattlemen’s dinners…After the cattlemen leave. George returns to check on the distressed Rose. The next layer of drama unfolds as George quietly enters the kitchen unknown to a sobbing Rose. He offers her sympathy and a shoulder to cry on.

Meanwhile, we get a glimpse of the degree that which the ever macho Phil is co dependant to George. He frets and gets angry when George fails to show up for sleep. Previously we observed the two cattlemen ranchers in the same bed, hardly an economic necessity.

The next day the breakfast service is a repeat of the previous night’s drama with people behaving very badly. The otherwise quiet passive George steps up to the plate and confronts the dinners, using his voice in a surprisingly loud, authoritative way to establish order, he further impresses Rose by removing his banker’s suit jacket and helping with the breakfast service.

Phil gets wind that there is something going on with his brother and Rose and is immediately insulting to both Rose and George.

In the next dramatic scene is Phil, now fully aware that his brother is involved fully in an adult relationship, in bed by himself weeping.

Rose and George make off to a nearby town and get married on the quiet to avoid the drama of Phil’s temper. They celebrate with a picnic in the mountains. This time the mountain encircles the couple with a feeling of privacy that is missing in the rest of their lives. The mountains make a dramatic yet benevolent backdrop, reflecting the enormity of what has just happened in these two people’s lives. Both George and Rose cannot believe their luck. George confesses he is glad not to be alone, and Rose cannot believe she has landed a very eligible George.

From this point forward, Rose’s character arc takes center stage for a while. The pressure of being the wife of a successful man is too much and there are several uncomfortable scenees where she feels inadequate, the drama of a grand piano being delivered which she says she does not want, and then being required to play for the Governor, which is a bust. Rose has a stiff drink after to recover and begins her descent into alcoholism. Phil continues to be vicious in his attacks including Rose’s non-musical abilities compared to him.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Ad for an A list actor Woody Norman: Poledark, Troy, C’mon C’mon

What I learned from this assignment. Small tweaks made a difference. Seeding visuals, (angels) throughout the script (with a light hand) is a part of my subtext. For the purpose of this assignment, I eliminated transitional scenes which did not feature this character.

SILENT NIGHT

Character’s Name

DYLAN MARTIN

SITUATION

Dylan is a 13-year-old boy. He has been electively totally mute since his mother died in a car crash two years ago. He lives with his father Steve who does not entirely understand why Dylan will not come out of his ‘bubble’. Dylan is having all sorts of trouble, he gets bullied by other boys and his Grade 6 teacher is his arch-nemesis who wants him sent away to a boarding school. Dylan is rescued by a dog with superpowers Alfie, who is able to communicate with Dylan telepathically gradually breaking through Dylan’s silence. Dylan in turn rescues Alfie and learns to be caring and make connections with others.

DESCRIPTION

Dylan is a gifted artist. He likes to express himself by dressing in “boarder” shorts even in winter, has an earring in one ear, wears his hair like a rock star, (long), and favors Kaleo band T-shirts as his favorite way of dressing. His father indulges him in expensive runners/trainers which he cannot really afford. He has one friend Daisy who has her own problems with her parents.

EXT. VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY ESTABLISHING

Lyme Regis, a small historic English seaside village (used to shoot The French Lieutenant’s Woman, Persuasion, Wonka, and others)) is all decked out for Christmas. Beautiful lights are strung across the high streets and hanging baskets with Christmas arrangements swing from the antique wrought-iron street lamps. The shop windows sparkle with Christmas displays. A band of street musicians are playing Silent Night. From the top of the High street, the road runs down to the winter blue sea sparkling in the afternoon sun. Christmas tourists and locals create a busy, happy energetic street scene. A light dusting of snow is on the ground.

EXT.VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY

DYLAN exits the school nervously looks around, and starts to run, looking back towards the school, he sees a pack of boys begin to follow him. They all start to run after Dylan. The boys are shouting, “weirdo, Dumbo, retard, you haven’t got a mother, that’s why you are a lame weirdo.”

(Music opening bars “We are going down.” Kaleo)

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS the Grade 6 teacher, is standing on the school steps watching the boys passively, with a malevolent smile.

EXT. VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

The boys continue to run after a terrified Dylan. Dylan runs panting, stumbling, and flings himself into the bakery shop doorway, opens the shop door, then hides inside.

INT.BAKERY/DAY

The bakery is festooned with Christmas garlands, lots of angels and snowflakes decorate the window. Piles of Christmas goodies are on display. A young attractive woman, (wearing an angel T-shirt) MICKEY the baker is behind the counter.

MICKEY

Hey fella, what’s up, what’s happening? Are you alright? Are those boys giving you a hard time? Can I help you, my friend? Do you want me to kick their ass?

The boys run past the window. Dylan is coughing and spluttering for breath. Dylan checks they are down the street and then runs out the door, doorbells ringing behind him in the opposite direction.

Again he hears the boys yelling, taunting, getting closer. He runs up a side alley behind the Fresh from the Sea fish and chip shop. Desperate, he lifts the lid of a large garbage skiff, climbs in, and closes the lid on himself.

INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

Panting, coughing, and starting to cry in the darkened, garbage-filled skiff. The sound of the boys bullying voices, calling Dylan names, threatening, fade into the distance.

Dylan emerges from under the trash, dazed. There are sounds of rustling in the trash, Dylan is terrified, crying, he huddles in the corner.

DYLAN V.O.

Rats, there are rats in here!

A huge scruffy all-black Newfoundland dog emerges from under the trash with a large piece of fish and chip wrapper in his mouth. Dylan screams.

ALFIE

Shhh! Or those nasty bully boys will be back.

DYLAN V.O.

Who is talking to me?

ALFIE speaks to Dylan telepathically.

ALFIE V.O.

It’s me I am talking to you, silently, inside your head, I have superpowers. We can talk like this and no one can hear us. Brilliant isn’t it?

DYLAN V.O.

I must have banged my head, I must be imagining this.

ALFIE V.O.

Nope, it’s me super dog Alfie at your service.

Dylan’s body language is one of fear, cowering in the corner.

DYLAN V.O.

This is some kind of trick!

ALFIE V.O.

No, it’s just you and me talking silently, like I said this is my superpower, what is your name?

DYLAN V.O.

It’s Dylan and I still don’t believe this is happening.

ALFIE V.O.

We are talking telepathically. From my mind to your mind. Got it. It’s just us, you and me talking, no one can hear us, so relax OK, chill. It’s kinda like on Star Trek.I’m starving, licking the fish and chip paper didn’t help. I know let’s go to the butcher shop trash and see if there are any tasty bits of raw meat left in the bin!

DYLAN V.O.

That’s disgusting, revolting, and you are the dirtiest dog I have ever seen! You stink! Gross man!

ALFIE V.O.

See! I told you. We are talking silently inside each other’s heads, it’s not a trick it’s a superpower. Now let’s get out of here before the boys find us.

DYLAN V.O.

We are not going to eat raw dirty old meat from a bin!

ALFIE V.O.

I’m a homeless dog, Dylan. And I’m starving. Can’t remember when I last had a decent bowl of grub or slept in a warm place, so I’m off to the butcher’s shop bin, are you coming? If you stay with me I can protect you from the bully boys.

DYLAN V.O.

We had better go to my house. I’m pretty sure I can sneak you in before my Dad gets home from driving the bus. I am pretty sure we can find some food in the fridge.

EXT. VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DUSK/EVENING

Dylan and Alfie walk through the village streets, all decorated for Christmas, Christmas music is being played by street performers. Charlie Brown’s Christmas.

EXT.ESTABLISHING/DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY

INT.DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/EVENING

DYLAN and ALFIE enter the cottage through the back door, into the cottage kitchen. a Christmas tree is visible from the adjoining room.

ALFIE

I smell bacon, there is bacon somewhere in here! I’m so hungry I think I might pass out.

DYLAN

Dylan and Alfie open the fridge door.

Check this out, there’s a couple of sausages a leftover pork chop from last night. Look at the big mess we have made on the floor! We have to clean this up before my Dad gets home, or he is gonna freak!. And you are going to have a bath Alfie, how did you get so dirty?

ALFIE

Noooo! No bath, I hate baths. I’ve been sleeping rough, I’m a homeless dog.

DYLAN

No bath, no meat, got it! Bath first, or no meat for you!

INT.BATHROOM DAY

Dylan runs a bath with a load of bubbles and begins to shampoo a reluctant Alfie.

DYLAN

I can feel your ribs sticking out underneath all that dirty fur. I am sorry Alfie, you must be very hungry. Next stop kitchen OK?

ALFIE

Ok, I have told you my secrets, now you have to tell me your secrets, why don’t you talk like other humans?

DYLAN

My Mom died in a car crash. Now I don’t want to talk to anyone or answer their stupid questions. When I am in my bubble, as my Dad calls it, I can feel like my Mom is still close. If I talk, I am scared she might go away. So I stay in my silent bubble and they can all just bug off!

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Ad for an A list actor Woody Norman: Poledark, Troy, C’mon C’mon

What I learned from this assignment. a different POV to see the script from the actor’s eyes helped me to tune it up, I eliminated buffer scenes that featured other actors and just went for Dylan’s content. I treated it as though it was a pitch of sorts.

SILENT NIGHT

Character’s Name

DYLAN MARTIN

SITUATION

Dylan is a 13-year-old boy. He has been electively totally mute since his mother died in a car crash two years ago. He lives with his father Steve who does not entirely understand why Dylan will not come out of his ‘bubble’. Dylan is having all sorts of trouble, he gets bullied by other boys and his Grade 6 teacher is his arch-nemesis who wants him sent away to a boarding school. Dylan is rescued by a dog with superpowers Alfie, who is able to communicate with Dylan telepathically gradually breaking through Dylan’s silence. Dylan in turn rescues Alfie and learns to be caring and make connections with others.

DESCRIPTION

Dylan is a gifted artist. He likes to express himself by dressing in “boarder” shorts even in winter, has an earring in one ear, wears his hair like a rock star, (long), and favors Kaleo band T-shirts as his favorite way of dressing. His father indulges him in expensive runners/trainers which he cannot really afford. He has one friend Daisy who has her own problems with her parents.

EXT. VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY ESTABLISHING

Lyme Regis, a small historic English seaside village (used to shoot The French Lieutenant’s Woman, Persuasion, Wonka, and others)) is all decked out for Christmas. Beautiful lights are strung across the high streets and hanging baskets with Christmas arrangements swing from the antique wrought-iron street lamps. The shop windows sparkle with Christmas displays. A band of street musicians are playing Silent Night. From the top of the High street, the road runs down to the winter blue sea sparkling in the afternoon sun. Christmas tourists and locals create a busy, happy energetic street scene. A light dusting of snow is on the ground.

EXT.VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY

DYLAN exits the school nervously looks around, and starts to run, looking back towards the school, he sees a pack of boys begin to follow him. They all start to run after Dylan. The boys are shouting, “weirdo, Dumbo, retard, you haven’t got a mother, that’s why you are a lame weirdo.”

(Music opening bars “We are going down.” Kaleo)

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS the Grade 6 teacher, is standing on the school steps watching the boys passively, with a malevolent smile.

EXT. VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

The boys continue to run after a terrified Dylan. Dylan runs panting, stumbling, and flings himself into the bakery shop doorway, opens the shop door, then hides inside.

INT.BAKERY/DAY

The bakery is festooned with Christmas garlands, snowflakes decorate the window. Piles of Christmas goodies are on display. A young attractive woman, MICKEY the baker is behind the counter.

MICKEY

Hey fella, what’s up, what’s happening? Are you alright? Are those boys giving you a hard time? Can I help you, my friend? Do you want me to kick their ass?

The boys run past the window. Dylan is coughing and spluttering for breath. Dylan checks they are down the street and then runs out the door, doorbells ringing behind him in the opposite direction.

Again he hears the boys yelling, taunting, getting closer. He runs up a side alley behind the Fresh from the Sea fish and chip shop. Desperate, he lifts the lid of a large garbage skiff, climbs in, and closes the lid on himself.

INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

Panting, coughing, and starting to cry in the darkened, garbage-filled skiff. The sound of the boys bullying voices, calling Dylan names, threatening, fade into the distance.

Dylan emerges from under the trash, dazed. There are sounds of rustling in the trash, Dylan is terrified, crying, he huddles in the corner.

DYLAN V.O.

Rats, there are rats in here!

A huge scruffy all-black Newfoundland dog emerges from under the trash with a large piece of fish and chip wrapper in his mouth. Dylan screams.

ALFIE

Shhh! Or those nasty bully boys will be back.

DYLAN V.O.

Who is talking to me?

ALFIE speaks to Dylan telepathically.

ALFIE V.O.

It’s me I am talking to you, silently, inside your head, I have superpowers. We can talk like this and no one can hear us. Brilliant isn’t it?

DYLAN V.O.

I must have banged my head, I must be imagining this.

ALFIE V.O.

Nope, it’s me super dog Alfie at your service.

Dylan’s body language is one of fear, cowering in the corner.

DYLAN V.O.

This is some kind of trick!

ALFIE V.O.

No, it’s just you and me talking silently, like I said this is my superpower, what is your name?

DYLAN V.O.

It’s Dylan and I still don’t believe this is happening.

ALFIE V.O.

We are talking telepathically. From my mind to your mind. Got it. It’s just us, you and me talking, no one can hear us. Kinda like on Star Trek.

I’m starving, licking the fish and chip paper didn’t help. I know let’s go to the butcher shop trash and see if there are any tasty bits of raw meat left in the bin!

DYLAN V.O.

That’s disgusting, revolting, and you are the dirtiest dog I have ever seen! You stink! Gross man!

ALFIE V.O.

See! I told you. We are talking silently inside each other’s heads, it’s not a trick it’s a superpower. Now let’s get out of here before the boys find us.

DYLAN V.O.

We are not going to eat raw dirty old meat from a bin!

ALFIE V.O.

I’m a homeless dog, Dylan. And I’m starving. Can’t remember when I last had a decent bowl of grub or slept in a warm place, so I’m off to the butcher’s shop bin, are you coming? If you stay with me I can protect you from the bully boys.

DYLAN V.O.

We had better go to my house. We have some time before my Dad gets home from driving the bus. Maybe there’s some food in the fridge.

EXT. VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DUSK/EVENING

Dylan and Alfie walk through the village streets, all decorated for Christmas, Christmas music is being played by street performers.

EXT.ESTABLISHING/DYLAN’S COTTAGE/DAY

INT.DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/EVENING

DYLAN and ALFIE enter the cottage through the back door, into the cottage kitchen.

ALFIE

I smell bacon, there is bacon somewhere in here! I’m so hungry I think I might pass out.

DYLAN

Dylan and Alfie open the fridge door.

Check this out, there’s a couple of sausages a leftover pork chop from last night. Look at the big mess we have made on the floor! We have to clean this up before my Dad gets home. And you are going to have a bath Alfie, how did you get so dirty?

ALFIE

Noooo! No bath, I hate baths. I’ve been sleeping rough, I’m a homeless dog.

DYLAN

No bath, no meat, got it! Bath first, or no meat for you!

INT.BATHROOM DAY

Dylan runs a bath with a load of bubbles and begins to shampoo a reluctant Alfie.

ALFIE

Ok, I have told you my secrets, now you have to tell me your secrets, why don’t you talk like other humans?

DYLAN

My Mom died in a car crash. Now I don’t want to talk to anyone or answer their stupid questions. When I am in my bubble, as my Dad calls it, I can feel like my Mom is still close. If I talk, I am scared she might go away. So I stay silent and they can all just bug off and leave me alone.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper

Attack/Counter Attack

What I learned from this assignment. I was shocked at what a difference this made. I plan to go through my whole script using this tactic.

ELIZABETH PERKINS

Elizabeth is Dylan’s Grade 6 teacher

Basic Characteristics

Elizabeth is very physically attractive, smooth, charming on the surface.

She is a transplanted city girl, not from the village.

She is deceitful. (subtext) Everything she does has a hidden agenda need for power and a want/need for a committed relationship with a man she can control and have all to herself.

STEVE MARTIN

Dylan’s single father was widowed two years ago.

Subtext Desperate need for his son to speak. Wants a harmonious relationship. Overwhelmed on many levels. Likes his role as village hero, yet yearns for a better life. Still grieving for his departed wife.

Basic Character Traits

Overall good guy, liked in the village. Also a volunteer fireman.

Stressed by his current life situation. Single Dad, not much money, Dylan acting out. Lonely. Can be insensitive.

SITUATION

STEVE AND ELIZABETH have a date at the local Indian restaurant. Steve’s agenda is strictly low-level social, Elizabeth has another agenda.

INT.INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

The Indian restaurant is full of Indian restaurant bling. On the table there is a Christmas tree, multicolored lights abound and there is a large Christmas tree at the door. Elizabeth and Steve enter, an Indian waiter with a Birmingham accent escorts them to a table.

Elizabeth is wearing a low-cut sari-type dress, red. She is ornamented with jingly Indian bangles long earrings, and false eyelashes. She has taken the trouble to bring out the heavy artillery in order to get Steve’s attention.

Steve has had a good scrub-up and looks basically clean and tidy. It looks like he has made a modest effort as he is wearing a jacket, no tie, and he ironed his shirt before coming out. He forgot to change his shoes and is wearing runners which do not match his clothes. By village standards, it looks as though he has made an effort. They are seated across from one another.

STEVE

I’m, starving let’s have some papadums to start. What are you having Elizabeth?

ELIZABETH

Elizabeth is speaking in honeyed, low tones, touching her hair using subtle seductive body language. She sits across from Steve, smiling making eye contact,

Oh, I’m not really hungry, and I don’t usually eat foreign food. I don’t really like it or trust it, God only knows what’s in it. I will stick with the Tofu thank you. The tofu, gluten-free vegan curry, please. With a glass of warm water. I’ll pass on the papadums, you enjoy yourself, Steve.

STEVE

Steve is feeling uncomfortable with Elizabeth’s constant eye contact, which he tries to avoid, and her obvious flirting. He is fidgety.

I’m starving. The coconut chicken curry, hot, and mango chutney with some naan, please. I love foreign food. My favorite is Thai. They really know how to make it hot.

ELIZABETH

I heard they put dead cat meat in their curry dishes, Or was it dog?

STEVE

Talking about being hungry, Dylan brought home a half-starved dog today, a very large, very dirty dog. I found them both in the bathroom with Dylan attempting to bathe the dog, what a mess!

ELIZABETH

Elizabeth’s voice is rising, and the honey tones are waning.

Oh my God, you let him bathe the dog in the same bathtub you use. How perfectly unhygienic. Really Steve!

Surely you are not even thinking of keeping a dog. You have your hands full with Dylan and his problems, getting into fights, not doing his work at school and of course, he cannot participate properly in class as he refuses to speak! I am sure a dog is out of the question. What is this dog, a mutt I suppose?

STEVE

Steve is looking slightly aggravated at Elizabeth’s rudeness.

No, he is a Newfoundland, definitely a purebred. He is the size of a small horse. A very handsome dog, though he seems to drool a great deal. Maybe the dog would be therapeutic for Dylan, you know, help him with speaking.

ELIZABETH

Voice sounding more assertive, as though she has power.

What a ridiculous idea! Are you taking him to the pound?

STEVE

Steve’s voice is strident, the cadence of his speech sounds staccato. He appears to be is repressing his frustration with Elizabeth

I am phoning them in the morning. The dog catcher may have to come and get him. I haven’t made my mind up yet. And he is so beautiful and valuable, someone may be looking for him.

ELIZABETH

Oh my God, Steve. Keeping a big dirty dog is so, well repugnant. The whole house will smell like a dog. I think you absolutely must send him to the pound. How could you live in a house with drool all over the place and dog poo in the yard, that would be impossible?

STEVE

As I said, I haven’t made my mind up yet, for Dylan and me that is. if you don’t like dogs, well…

ELIZABETH

Elizabeth is speaking in an authoritative tone.

Of course, it’s the right thing to do. The sooner the better before Dylan gets any wild ideas in his head. Though what’s going on in Dylan’s head is anyone’s guess what with his peculiar silence

STEVE

Elizabeth, you seem to have a very strong opinion about what I should do in my house. Let’s change the subject, shall we?

ELIZABETH

Elizabeth is back to speaking in honeyed tones, wary that she may be losing her grip on Steve.

It’s really nice for us to have some time together, you know get to know each other without any other distractions or stress. After all, you deserve to have some fun too. I have a little surprise for you, something I think that will help take the stress off you and help Dylan. I’ve researched a school that might be better for Dylan. Somewhere that they have the staff and the knowledge to help someone like Dylan. I found a place just perfect for your situation. It’s a special boarding school, in London. Only four hours away, by train and bus. He can come home for holidays or at least some of the holidays.

STEVE

Steve’s voice gets suddenly loud. Loud enough for the other diners to turn around. His face has gone from relaxed to looking very angry.

STEVE

Elizabeth have you completely lost it? I am not sending my boy away to some bloody boarding school in London. hours away from home. He has been through enough with losing his mother. That is a stupid and insensitive idea Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH

Elizabeth is speaking in honeyed, low tones, touching her hair using subtle seductive body language

Well, I was only thinking of you Steve. If we are to continue to date or maybe have more of a relationship, I need to have more time with you, not all the crazy drama around Dylan taking all of your attention.

STEVE

Elizabeth, I was OK with being friends, just friends now and again mind you, but this, insisting on sending my son away? You have really overstepped the mark.

Steve slaps the table making the glasses and cutlery jangle.

You don’t understand. And I don’t think you are what Dylan and I need in our lives. I don’t want to see you again socially, ever! You, stay in your corner! Stay out of it. And mind what you say about my son!

Steve gets up, hands the waiter money, and exits the restaurant. Elizabeth stays at the table, looks furious. She continues to eat her tofu curry slowly while contemplating her next move.

[anna harper]

Day 8 Character Profiles Into Outline

What I learned from this assignment: Again I learned how by observing the script from a different POV I had small but powerful changes which then cascaded into more change. I ended up adding two more scenes which were, in my opinion, emotional dynamite. I can also see how this would be helpful to actors.

LEADS OF 2 of 4 CHARACTERS STEVE AND ELIZABETH

1. EXT.ESTABLISHING/VILLAGE HIGH STREET/CHRISTMAS/DAY

2. EXT.VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY

A group of bullies chase Dylan, verbally abusing him. His school teacher watches passively. Smirking.

3. INT.CLASSROOM/DAY

Elizabeth Perkins returns to her schoolroom and dialogues with her mirror., enjoying her dark side. She sings rap song Creature Teacher.

4. INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

Dylan hides in the garbage skiff, meets Alfie, discovers that the dog has superpowers of two-way telepathic communication with Dylan.

5, INT. DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY

Dylan and Alfie enter leaving a dirty mess. Alfie bathes and feeds Alfie.

6. INT.COTTAGE BATHROOM /DAY

They are discovered by a horrified Steve, (Dad) very agitated body language, raised voice, very frustrated, and says Dylan cannot keep the dog.

Steve is annoyed as he was expecting a dinner guest, Elizabeth Perkins, now this is not possible.

7.INT.KITCHEN/DAY

Steve leaves, Dylan and Alfie enter the kitchen to find food for a starving Alfie. They empty most of the fridge.

8.INT.INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

1. EXT.ESTABLISHING/VILLAGE HIGH STREET/CHRISTMAS/DAY

2. EXT.VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY

A group of bullies chase Dylan, verbally abusing him. His school teacher watches passively. Smirking.

3. INT.CLASSROOM/DAY

Elizabeth Perkins returns to her schoolroom and dialogues with her mirror., enjoying her dark side. She sings rap song Creature Teacher.

4. INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

Dylan hides in the garbage skiff, meets Alfie, discovers that the dog has superpowers of two-way telepathic communication with Dylan.

5, INT. DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY

Dylan and Alfie enter leaving a dirty mess. Alfie bathes and feeds Alfie.

6. INT.COTTAGE BATHROOM /DAY

They are discovered by a horrified Steve, (Dad) very agitated body language, raised voice, very frustrated, and says Dylan cannot keep the dog.

Steve is annoyed as he was expecting a dinner guest, Elizabeth Perkins, now this is not possible.

7.INT.KITCHEN/DAY

Steve leaves, Dylan and Alfie enter the kitchen to find food for a starving Alfie. They empty most of the fridge.

8.INT.INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

What would Steve do or say?

What would Elizabeth do or say?

Steve and Elizabeth the teacher are having dinner. She states that Dylan should attend a special boarding school. This would allow them to spend more time together. Steve dumps Elizabeth and rejects the school idea. Elizabeth is angry and embarrassed.

STEVE

Steve is sitting at the table opposite Elizabeth. His voice is getting louder.

Steve says he was OK with being friends, now and again. Is Elizabeth Insisting on sending his son away? Steve says she has really overstepped the mark.

ACTION

Steve gets up from the table, smacks the table with his fist. Rattles the china. Gets very loud, other diners are looking.

STEVE

States he does not want to see Elizabeth again. Directs her to, stay in her corner! Stay out of it.

ACTION

Steve gives the waiter money and storms out of the restaurant, banging the door behind him.

INT.COTTAGE KITCHEN/NIGHT

What would a stressed-out frustrate Steve do or say.

Steve looks for some supper to eat in the fridge. Dylan and Alfie have almost cleaned the fridge out. Steve hungry and stressed makes a piece of burnt toast and out takes a hidden bottle of Irish whiskey out of an upper kitchen cabinet,

and pours himself a stiff one in a concealing coffee mug.

9.EXT.PARK/EARLY MORNING

Before school, Dylan and Alfie go to the park to play. They see the bully boys walking towards them. Dylan is apprehensive. All of the boys but one, want to come and meet Alfie. The alpha bully hangs back

10..INT.SCHOOL/MORNING

Dylan observes Elizabeth locking his friend Daisy in the school cellar. (Actions of a deceitful, abusive Elizabeth}

11. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/STEVE’S BUS DAY

Dylan has run away from the school, he tries to get his Dad to help Daisy using his usual means of gestures. When that does not work, Dylan speaks for the first time in two years,

telling his Dad to help Daisy. (What would a heroic Steve do; go to the rescue. What would an insensitive Steve do: Express frustration with Dylan’s nonverbal communication.)

12.. INT.SCHOOL/DAY

Steve and Dylan can hear Daisy crying in the cellar, Steve fetches the school principal. Elizabeth appears and intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for locking herself in the cellar.

(Heroic Steve is taking charge of the situation)

13. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

On the way home Steve expresses his anger. He feels Dylan has made a fool of him, and all because he will not speak. Steve doubts his ability to help Dylan

What would an insensitive Steve do or say? His dialogue would be angry in tone and missing the mark of his son’s dilemma. Steve’s powerful dialogue would cause further withdrawal and feelings of inadequacy for Dylan.

14. INT.DYLAN’S BEDROOM/DAY

Alfie encourages Dylan to try to communicate with his Dad about his troubles with bullies and the deceptive Miss Perkins using pictures,

Steve runs out of the house He does not see the pictures. Dylan takes his pictures away believing that his Dad is not interested.

What

15.INT.SCHOOLROOM/DAY

Steve has an interview at Dylan’s school, He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home.

What would a worn-out, stressed-out Steve do or say. V.O. he is feeling like a failure, sad/ feeling alone cannot help his son, is at his wit’s end.

16. EXT.VILLAGE STREET/DAY

On the way home, Steve takes the side of Elizabeth and says they should very seriously consider the boarding school as Dylan is creating trouble and Steve cannot figure out how to help him, Dylan breaks away from his father and runs off. Steve cannot find Dylan.

What would an insensitive Steve do or say? He would be so self-involved with his complaining monologue, that he would not notice his son running off. What would a loving Steve do or say in this situation? He would act frantic, horrified bewildered that his son has run away.

17. INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve is pacing the floor, he calls the village police and tells them Dylan has run away.

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s drawings and whines and barks loudly until Steve looks at the pictures.

Steve sees the pictures of abuse at the school and understands. Steve looks at Alfie and asks him to find Dylan

What would a loving Steve do or say? What happens to Steve internally in this situation? Steve comes out of his typical stress response mode (fight, flight, or freeze) and sees the new information before him, has an epiphany as to the real situation, and then adopts his heroic self-image, doing all he can to find his son with Alfie’s help (accepting his new allie.)

18. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/NIGHT

Alfie continues to bark, steering Steve to the garbage skiff where Alfie and Dylan originally met. Steve lifts the lid on the skiff where (horrified,) he finds Dylan.

What would a loving Steve do or say in this situation? Steve is horror-struck to see his son so distressed, he gets in the garbage skiff with his son and lifts him out, telling his son it’s going to be OK, no boarding school. Steve apologies for not understanding or believing Dylan. They walk home with Steve having his arm around his son’s shoulder.

I9.INT. AT THE COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve phones the school board, reports his concerns, and tells his son not to worry he is not going to the boarding school,

What would a heroic Steve do or say? His assertive heroic self would come to the fore. He would be very authoritative in talking to the school board, may threaten legal action. He would demand an immediate investigation of the child abuse at the school.

20. INT.THE COTTAGE/MORNING

Steve calls the pound Dylan. No one has claimed Alfie. Steve says If Aflie makes Dylan happy and gets him to start talking, he can keep him until New Year. But only till New Year.

What would an exasperated/desperate to have his son talk do or say in this situation? He would try talking eyeball to eyeball with his son. He would communicate that he was doing his best and needed his son to help him overcome the silence issue with the help of Alfie. It would be a loving and desperate plea.

21 INT.DYLAN’S ROOM/MORNING.

Alfie spends more time with Dylan explaining how important it was for him to speak, he saved Daisy from the cellar. He also talks to him about loving his mother and making his mother happy by talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still silent. He draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad.

What would a loving, confused yet gaining clarity Steve do in this situation or say? Steve would look at the drawing and tell his son he understands Alfie is important and remind him of the plan to benefit from Alfie by talking more if he is to keep the dog

22. EXT.SCHOOL/DAY

It’s the day of the school Christmas concert. Dylan and Steve are walking from the parking area towards the school with many other parents. Dylan points to the alpha bully boy Victor being smacked and pushed by the bully’s mother. Dylan’s Dad says he will contact the school principal. Elizabeth is being marched off the school property by a security guard. She is carrying boxes.

What would a heroic and more understanding (evolved) Steve do or say in this situation? Steve would adopt a no-nonsense attitude, he would insist Mr. Brown take action and call the authorities.

What would Elizabeth do with her plans to snare Steve and maintain an abuse of authority over the children?

Elizabeth would be very angry, shrieking loudly., walking fast. Telling the security guard to get his hands off her. She would threaten to sue the school board. Then she would turn to the school, and say something nasty, along the lines of ‘ nasty kids, no regrets.

23. INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY/EVENING

Dylan feels sorry for the bully boy. Steve says this is how the boy has learned to bully. Dylan wonders if the bully is unhappy or lonely. Steve explains the importance of talking to adults who love and care for children and young people when there is a problem, and how silence can make things worse.

What would An evolved Steve do or say in this situation? He would use it as a powerful teaching opportunity to emphasize communication through speaking as very important. He would make eye contact with his son.

23. EXT. PARK/DAY

Daisy, Dylan, and Alfie are sitting on the park bench. Daisy explains how competitive her parents are,(Tiger mom) and that she would really like a certain doll for Christmas. (Her family does not celebrate Christmas.) They discourage dolls and teddy bears as she has to grow up. Dylan speaks to Daisy, says he wants a tattoo, his Dad will never allow it.

24. INT.VILLAGE BAKERY/AFTERNOON

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping Dylan buys Daisy a My Little Mermaid doll.. Dylan points and waves at the bakery. They go in and buy Christmas goodies. Steve and Dylan like Mickey the baker,

What would a still burned-out Steve do or say in this situation? He would express relief with face and body language and enjoy the moment of happiness. Steve would also note the pleasant and genuine demeanor of an attractive Mickey. He would (now more sensitive to picking up cues,) note by looking first at Dylan and then at Mickey and back at Dylan, that there is a positive vibe between Mickey and Dylan, who Dylan met before, unknown to Steve. ( Mickey had offered to kick the bully’s collective ass.) Steve’s demeanor would continue to escalate enjoying the ambiance of the Christmas-themed bakery. He would make complimentary comments to Mickey.

25. EXT. SEAFRONT/EVENING

Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

What would an evolved (character arc) Steve react, do or say in this situation? He would be as we say in the UK ‘dead chuffed’, pleased/happy in a bumbling way. he would enthusiastically agree to go along with the suggestion. Steve is not a ‘cool’ guy, so he would be awkward and happy.

26 EXT. THE VILLAGE CHRISTMAS TREET/CHRISTMAS EVE

Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks, admiring the tree. Steve agrees to keep Alfie.

What would Steve do or say in this situation which addresses the biggest want need in his life; Dylan speaking again? He would be surprised, even shocked. He would laugh almost cry and hug his son.

27. EXT.VILLAGE PARK/CHRISTMAS DAY

Alfie, Dylan, and Daisy are playing hacky sack. They sit on the bench and exchange gifts, the mermaid doll for Daisy and some extra long-lasting tattoo decals for Dylan. They discuss the dilemma of wanting to grow up and still be kids, even though both situations have problems. They spot the alpha bully walking along dejectedly. They call him over encourage him to make friends with Alfie. and ask him why he is in the park alone, he says there is too much yelling and fighting at home. Dylan says his Dad is cooking the turkey and invites Victor and Daisy to come over for Christmas dinner.

INT. DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/ DAY

Steve and Mickey are cooking. The kids are in the living room doing a lego construction. Background sounds are ‘A child’s Christmas in Wales’ Dylan Thomas.

What would Steve do or say in this situation? He would be very happy but flummoxed, a little confused with everything he has to do. Observes his son and his friends, and then leaves the cottage to stand on the back porch and openly cry. Mickey would come out and give him a hug,

EXT.PORCH/DAY cont.

Alfie is barking loudly. The kids are shouting for Steve to come in. Alfie is stuck in the Christmas tree which he has knocked over.

What would Steve do?

INT.COTTAGE/DAY

Steve would join in the chaos, laughing, and extricate the dog.

F.O. All walking through the Christmas village to Dylan’s cottage where a tree with lights is visible from the window (Thomas Kincaid vibe, music Walking In The Air from The Snowman

(Andrew Loyd Webber) Andrew Johnston performing (a boy who was bullied because he sang.)

Credits Roll

Ensemble cast casually assemble in front of the cottage as in the final scene in The Lady in a Van. (Alan Bennet.)

Steve and Elizabeth the teacher are having dinner. She states that Dylan should attend a special boarding school. This would allow them to spend more time together. Steve dumps Elizabeth and rejects the school idea. Elizabeth is angry and embarrassed.

SITUATION

Steve and Elizabeth are at the Indian restaurant discussing Dylan.

STEVE

Steve is sitting at the table opposite Elizabeth. His voice is getting louder.

Steve says he was OK with being friends, now and again. Is Elizabeth Insisting on sending his son away? Steve says she has really overstepped the mark.

ACTION

Steve gets up from the table, smacks the table with his fist. Gets very loud.

STEVE

States he does not want to see Elizabeth again. Directs her to, stay in her corner! Stay out of it.

ACTION

Steve gives the waiter money and storms out of the restaurant, banging the door behind him.

INT.COTTAGE KITCHEN/NIGHT

What would a stressed-out frustrate Steve do or say.

Steve looks for some supper to eat in the fridge. Dylan and Alfie have almost cleaned the fridge out. Steve hungry and stressed makes a piece of burnt toast and out takes a hidden bottle of Irish whiskey out of an upper kitchen cabinet,

and pours himself a stiff one in a concealing coffee mug.

9.EXT.PARK/EARLY MORNING

Before school, Dylan and Alfie go to the park to play. They see the bully boys walking towards them. Dylan is apprehensive. All of the boys but one, want to come and meet Alfie. The alpha bully hangs back

10..INT.SCHOOL/MORNING

Dylan observes Elizabeth locking his friend Daisy in the school cellar. (Actions of a deceitful, abusive Elizabeth}

11. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/STEVE’S BUS DAY

Dylan has run away from the school, he tries to get his Dad to help Daisy using his usual means of gestures. When that does not work, Dylan speaks for the first time in two years,

telling his Dad to help Daisy. (What would a heroic Steve do; go to the rescue. What would an insensitive Steve do: Express frustration with Dylan’s nonverbal communication.)

12.. INT.SCHOOL/DAY

Steve and Dylan can hear Daisy crying in the cellar, Steve fetches the school principal. Elizabeth appears and intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for locking herself in the cellar.

(Heroic Steve is taking charge of the situation)

13. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

On the way home Steve expresses his anger. He feels Dylan has made a fool of him, and all because he will not speak. Steve doubts his ability to help Dylan

What would an insensitive Steve do or say? His dialogue would be angry in tone and missing the mark of his son’s dilemma. Steve’s powerful dialogue would cause further withdrawal and feelings of inadequacy for Dylan.

14. INT.DYLAN’S BEDROOM/DAY

Alfie encourages Dylan to try to communicate with his Dad about his troubles with bullies and the deceptive Miss Perkins using pictures,

Steve runs out of the house He does not see the pictures. Dylan takes his pictures away believing that his Dad is not interested.

What

15.INT.SCHOOLROOM/DAY

Steve has an interview at Dylan’s school, He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home.

What would a worn-out, stressed-out Steve do or say. V.O. he is feeling like a failure, sad/ feeling alone cannot help his son, is at his wit’s end.

16. EXT.VILLAGE STREET/DAY

On the way home, Steve takes the side of Elizabeth and says they should very seriously consider the boarding school as Dylan is creating trouble and Steve cannot figure out how to help him, Dylan breaks away from his father and runs off. Steve cannot find Dylan.

What would an insensitive Steve do or say? He would be so self-involved with his complaining monologue, that he would not notice his son running off. What would a loving Steve do or say in this situation? He would act frantic, horrified bewildered that his son has run away.

17. INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve is pacing the floor, he calls the village police and tells them Dylan has run away.

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s drawings and whines and barks loudly until Steve looks at the pictures.

Steve sees the pictures of abuse at the school and understands. Steve looks at Alfie and asks him to find Dylan

What would a loving Steve do or say? What happens to Steve internally in this situation? Steve comes out of his typical stress response mode (fight, flight, or freeze) and sees the new information before him, has an epiphany as to the real situation, and then adopts his heroic self-image, doing all he can to find his son with Alfie’s help (accepting his new allie.)

18. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/NIGHT

Alfie continues to bark, steering Steve to the garbage skiff where Alfie and Dylan originally met. Steve lifts the lid on the skiff where (horrified,) he finds Dylan.

What would a loving Steve do or say in this situation? Steve is horror-struck to see his son so distressed, he gets in the garbage skiff with his son and lifts him out, telling his son it’s going to be OK, no boarding school. Steve apologies for not understanding or believing Dylan. They walk home with Steve having his arm around his son’s shoulder.

I9.INT. AT THE COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve phones the school board, reports his concerns, and tells his son not to worry he is not going to the boarding school,

What would a heroic Steve do or say? His assertive heroic self would come to the fore. He would be very authoritative in talking to the school board, may threaten legal action. He would demand an immediate investigation of the child abuse at the school.

20. INT.THE COTTAGE/MORNING

Steve calls the pound Dylan. No one has claimed Alfie. Steve says If Aflie makes Dylan happy and gets him to start talking, he can keep him until New Year. But only till New Year.

What would an exasperated/desperate to have his son talk do or say in this situation? He would try talking eyeball to eyeball with his son. He would communicate that he was doing his best and needed his son to help him overcome the silence issue with the help of Alfie. It would be a loving and desperate plea.

21 INT.DYLAN’S ROOM/MORNING.

Alfie spends more time with Dylan explaining how important it was for him to speak, he saved Daisy from the cellar. He also talks to him about loving his mother and making his mother happy by talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still silent. He draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad.

What would a loving, confused yet gaining clarity Steve do in this situation or say? Steve would look at the drawing and tell his son he understands Alfie is important and remind him of the plan to benefit from Alfie by talking more if he is to keep the dog

22. EXT.SCHOOL/DAY

It’s the day of the school Christmas concert. Dylan and Steve are walking from the parking area towards the school with many other parents. Dylan points to the alpha bully boy Victor being smacked and pushed by the bully’s mother. Dylan’s Dad says he will contact the school principal. Elizabeth is being marched off the school property by a security guard. She is carrying boxes.

What would a heroic and more understanding (evolved) Steve do or say in this situation? Steve would adopt a no-nonsense attitude, he would insist Mr. Brown take action and call the authorities.

What would Elizabeth do with her plans to snare Steve and maintain an abuse of authority over the children?

Elizabeth would be very angry, shrieking loudly., walking fast. Telling the security guard to get his hands off her. She would threaten to sue the school board. Then she would turn to the school, and say something nasty, along the lines of ‘ nasty kids, no regrets.

23. INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY/EVENING

Dylan feels sorry for the bully boy. Steve says this is how the boy has learned to bully. Dylan wonders if the bully is unhappy or lonely. Steve explains the importance of talking to adults who love and care for children and young people when there is a problem, and how silence can make things worse.

What would An evolved Steve do or say in this situation? He would use it as a powerful teaching opportunity to emphasize communication through speaking as very important. He would make eye contact with his son.

23. EXT. PARK/DAY

Daisy, Dylan, and Alfie are sitting on the park bench. Daisy explains how competitive her parents are,(Tiger mom) and that she would really like a certain doll for Christmas. (Her family does not celebrate Christmas.) They discourage dolls and teddy bears as she has to grow up. Dylan speaks to Daisy, says he wants a tattoo, his Dad will never allow it.

24. INT.VILLAGE BAKERY/AFTERNOON

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping Dylan buys Daisy a My Little Mermaid doll.. Dylan points and waves at the bakery. They go in and buy Christmas goodies. Steve and Dylan like Mickey the baker,

What would a still burned-out Steve do or say in this situation? He would express relief with face and body language and enjoy the moment of happiness. Steve would also note the pleasant and genuine demeanor of an attractive Mickey. He would (now more sensitive to picking up cues,) note by looking first at Dylan and then at Mickey and back at Dylan, that there is a positive vibe between Mickey and Dylan, who Dylan met before, unknown to Steve. ( Mickey had offered to kick the bully’s collective ass.) Steve’s demeanor would continue to escalate enjoying the ambiance of the Christmas-themed bakery. He would make complimentary comments to Mickey.

25. EXT. SEAFRONT/EVENING

Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

What would an evolved (character arc) Steve react, do or say in this situation? He would be as we say in the UK ‘dead chuffed’, pleased/happy in a bumbling way. he would enthusiastically agree to go along with the suggestion. Steve is not a ‘cool’ guy, so he would be awkward and happy.

26 EXT. THE VILLAGE CHRISTMAS TREET/CHRISTMAS EVE

Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks, admiring the tree. Steve agrees to keep Alfie.

What would Steve do or say in this situation which addresses the biggest want need in his life; Dylan speaking again? He would be surprised, even shocked. He would laugh almost cry and hug his son.

27. EXT.VILLAGE PARK/CHRISTMAS DAY

Alfie, Dylan, and Daisy are playing hacky sack. They sit on the bench and exchange gifts, the mermaid doll for Daisy and some extra long-lasting tattoo decals for Dylan. They discuss the dilemma of wanting to grow up and still be kids, even though both situations have problems. They spot the alpha bully walking along dejectedly. They call him over encourage him to make friends with Alfie.and ask him why he is in the park alone, he says there is too much yelling and fighting at home. Dylan says his Dad is cooking the turkey and invites Victor and Daisy to come over for Christmas dinner.

INT. DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/ DAY

Steve and Mickey are cooking. The kids are in the living room doing a lego construction. Background sounds are ‘A child’s Christmas in Wales’ Dylan Thomas.

What would Steve do or say in this situation? He would be very happy but flummoxed, a little confused with everything he has to do. Observes his son and his friends, and then leaves the cottage to stand on the back porch and openly cry. Mickey would come out and give him a hug,

EXT.PORCH/DAY cont.

Alfie is barking loudly. The kids are shouting for Steve to come in. Alfie is stuck in the Christmas tree which he has knocked over.

What would Steve do?

INT.COTTAGE/DAY

Steve would join in the chaos, laughing, and extricate the dog.

F.O. All walking through the Christmas village to Dylan’s cottage where a tree with lights is visible from the window (Thomas Kincaid vibe, music Walking In The Air from The Snowman

(Andrew Loyd Webber) Andrew Johnston performing (a boy who was bullied because he sang.)

Credits Roll

Ensemble cast casually assemble in front of the cottage as in the final scene in The Lady in a Van. (Alan Bennet.)

[anna harper]

Anna Harper

Day 7

Translating Profiles into Dialogue and Action

What I learned from this exercise. I identified where there was a lack of strong emotion and also found some holes in plot. Brainstorming provided a major choice; should I turn the whole thing on its head and have Steve be the antagonist and Elizabeth the protagonist. It seemed too dark for a Christmas movie, so I stuck with the roles. There was one area I could not fill, Steve’s special features did not fit in a scene with a fight.

Character 1 Name: ELIZABETH PERKINS

Antagonist

Elizabeth Perkins, Dylan’s school teacher

Basic Characteristics

Elizabeth is very physically attractive, smooth, and charming on the surface.

She is a transplanted city girl, not from the village.

She is deceitful.

Want

She wants a compliant man in her life. There are not many good-looking single men in the village, so she has become obsessed with the idea of Steve, Dylan’s Dad. Her version of husband material.

Need

She needs to get Dylan out of the way.

Paradox

Elizabeth is a teacher who detests children but wants the power and the holidays.

Secret

She is divorced, dumped. No one in the village knows,

Flaw

Overbearing in trying to control and get whatever she wants.

Special

She stands out from the village women as a city glamourous woman, though in her efforts she overdoes it. There is always something out of place, (as in Cruella De Ville 1001 Dalmatians, unaware of her bed head hair.} which creates a comic aspect to a dark character.

Character Name

STEVE

Dylan’s single father

Basic Character Traits

Overall good guy, liked in the village. Also a volunteer fireman.

Stressed by his current life situation. Single Dad, not much money, Dylan acting out. Lonely. Can be insensitive.

Want

Wants his son to speak again more than anything in the world.

Need

Believes no one understands his load. Needs support, is lonely would like a relationship.

Paradox

Feels guilty for wanting a relationship, yet is lonely. Finds great happiness hanging out with his son, and gives up on the idea of a partner.

Wants to be more than a bus driver, too tired stressed broke to afford further training or education.

Secret

When it gets too much, he has a stiff drink. This worries him as his parents were both alcoholics.

Flaw

He can lose his temper with Dylan and be insensitive

Special

He is one of the village’s quirky characters, charming, everybody loves him.

Situation

Steve and Elizabeth meet for dinner at a restaurant. Elizabeth strongly suggests boarding school for Dylan.

What would a very attractive Elizabeth do or say?

She would bring out the heavy artillery in terms of her dress and comportment,

ensuring that it would be alluring to Steve. Probably over the top for a village restaurant.

What would a deceitful Elizabeth do or say.?

Elizabeth would have an agenda to use her sexuality to distract and control the situation. She would use her drop-dead good looks to mesmerize Steve and get him to do whatever she says.

What would an Elizabeth with a want to get Dylan out of the way, do or say?

She would empathize with Steve’s stress and present the idea to get Dylan out of the way as in Steve and Dylan’s best interest.

What would an Elizabeth with paradoxical work versus/needs/wants person do or say? Elizabeth does not like children, and yet she chose to teach for the holidays and to enjoy power.

She may suggest that Dylan could come home for some of the holidays, and get rid of him to a boarding school far enough away that weekend visits were not an option.

What would Elizabeth do about her secret divorce and unhappiness about her single status?

She wants to have a relationship, and get married again. She is ruthless and will manipulate to get what she ultimately wants, a compliant husband She may use the carrot and stick method regarding having or not having a relationship with Steve.

What would Elizabeth do with regard to her subtext in dialogue;

POSSIBLE CHOICE OF DIALOGUE; Subtext

INT.INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

ELIZABETH PERKINS

ACTION speaking in honeyed, low tones, touching her hair using subtle seductive body language.

ELIZABETH

Of course, it’s the right thing to do. The sooner the better before Dylan gets any wild ideas in his head. Though what’s going on in Dylan’s head is anyone’s guess what with his peculiar silence. It’s really nice for us to have some time together, you know get to know each other without any other distractions or stress. After all, you deserve to have some fun too. I have a little surprise for you, something I think that will help take the stress off you and help Dylan. I’ve researched a school that might be better for Dylan. Somewhere that they have the staff and the knowledge to help someone like Dylan. I found a place just perfect for your situation. It’s a special boarding school, in London. Only four hours away, by train and bus. He can come home for holidays or at least some of the holidays.

Elizabeth’s Character Arc

Antagonist,

Initially, covert harm to children is hidden from adults. Her dark side escalates as she wants to entrap one of the few eligible men in the village who fit her needs,

Her character arc begins to disintegrate when her plans fall through when her methods no longer work and she is caught out by the least likely person a mute Dylan.

Elizabeth’s logline

A teacher with a dark agenda who expiates her anger on children, and uses despicable means to try and send away the son of her target man, the man who she wants to marry.

STEVE

What would a desperate Steve who wants to have his son speak again do or say?

Situation. Dylan has brought home a stray dog.

INT.COTTAGE KITCHEN MORNING

STEVE

Dylan, I have an idea. What do you say we make a deal? How about Alfie stays with us for Christmas? If having the dog will help you to speak again, I am all for it. But, you are going to have to show me some progress. If having Alfie has not helped you to speak by New Year, I am afraid the added work, expense, and stress of a giant dog who likes mud will be too much for us

What would a stressed-out Steve do or say?

He might have a secret shot of whiskey when he comes home. He might offer prayers to his deceased wife for help.

What would Steve’s paradox of feeling guilty for wanting a relationship, yet is lonely do or say?

He might put some effort into getting dressed for the restaurant date communicating interest, however, he might not give Elizabeth any signals of warmth before their argument.

What would Steve’s flaw of losing his temper do or say?

SITUATION

Steve and Elizabeth are at the Indian restaurant discussing Dylan.

STEVE

Steve is sitting at the table opposite Elizabeth. His voice is getting louder.

Elizabeth, I was OK with being friends, just friends now and again, but this, insisting on sending my son away? You have really overstepped the mark. You don’t understand.

ACTION

Steve gets up from the table, smacks the table with his fist.

STEVE

And I don’t think you are what Dylan and I need in our lives. I don’t want to see you again socially, ever! You, stay in your corner! Stay out of it.

ACTION

Steve gives the waiter money and storms out of the restaurant, banging the door behind him.

What would that Steve do that fills the special category?

He is one of the village’s quirky characters, charming, everybody loves him.

I am unable to brainstorm what he would do in this category in the restaurant scene.

Steve’s character arc.

Steve is seen as a heroic character in the village. A volunteer fireman and the village bus driver. He is very helpful and communicates well with the people in the village.

His main challenge is managing as a single parent and dealing with his son’s acquired dysfunctional coping behaviors.

He weaves back and forth between making good choices with his son and sometimes being insensitive.

In the end, Steve has an epiphany brought on by his son running away and finding artwork left by his son, struggling to make his father understand his plight. Steve takes on the role of confronting the school administration with the truth about what Elizabeth is doing in the school

Steve helps to restore peace and harmony in the home. At the end of the story, he is more inclusive, positive, and enjoying the Christmas season with his son, his son’s friends, and a new romantic interest.

Steves logline

Steve local hero, faces serious challenges with his son’s grief for his deceased mother. Trouble at his son’s school. and drama with the administration bring out Steve’s dark angry side, unsympathetic side. A breakthrough in learning the truth creates understanding, he stands up for his son.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Chemistry

What I learned from this assignment; I think this has the potential to amp up the drama in my script as I can now seek ways to make the tension in the relationships more evident.

Dylan Protagonist

Miss Elizabeth Perkins Antagonist

Playing the same game Competition for Steve, Competition for change (Elizabeth wants Dylan to leave and have Steve) and no change Dylan wants to stay silent and stay put and not share his Dad with Elizabeth.

Dylan Protagonist

Steve Connecting Character

Elizabeth Antagonist

Common ground All three are lonely and have needs for belonging and love.

Differences that cause conflict. Their values are different as they may all want the same thing yet come from a different place in that wanting. Dylan is genuinely lonely/isolated and loves his Dad who is somewhat overwhelmed and distracted and unable to understand how Dylan needs his Father’s love to be expressed. Elizabeth wants a man to love her she is a narcissist and needs the public /community understanding that she has the status of a woman in a committed relationship. Steve is also lonely and needs companionship, love, and support from a harmonious partner, and is probably capable of reciprocating.

Elizabeth Antagonist

Steve Connecting Character

Dylan Protagonist

Playing the same game Steve is the prize here and he knows it. He is ambivalent about Elizabeth and this manifests dramatically when Steve is forced to chose. Dylan eventually provides his Dad with his need for Dylan to speak again., a gradual return to normalcy and subtly indicates his approval of a new romantic interest for his Dad.

Dylan Protagonist

Alfie Supporting character

Need Fulfilment

Dylan feels isolated and needs friends yet repels them at the same time. He needs someone else to champion him. Like a grandparent. There is no one else. Until Alfie shows up. Dylan is very insecure, despite having a loving father. He needs security, understanding, acceptance, and encouragement.

Alfie needs security also. He needs to be loved and have a committed relationship with a family that will care for him. He has a gift that he wants to share.

Alfie and Dylan become a team in solving Dylan’s problems and resolving his challenges.

Dylan and steve provide Alfie with appreciation and a forever home.

Elizabeth Antagonist

School Principal Supporting Character

Need Fulfilment

Differences that cause conflict

Elizabeth and the Principal want to maintain low disruption and control in the school.

The Principal supports Elizabeth’s decision regarding the boarding school.

Conflict arises when the Principal is made aware of his staff member Elizabeth being a bully and inappropriate with the students, and duping him into sending Dylan away. All causing loss of community approval for his stewardship of the school.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper

Character Arc

What I learned doing this assignment was clarity and flow of the story through one character can show weaknesses in the script and strengths.

Protagonist DYLAN

Issues

Unresolved, complex grief for his mother. Dylan has stopped speaking as a coping strategy. As he cannot/will not speak, his common life challenges such as school bullying, are made near impossible to resolve. He believes that his father does not understand what he is going through. He is lonely.

Challenges

The bullying is making life unbearable. Dylan will not speak up until he observes his friend Daisy being bullied at school.

His father and the school administration want to send Dylan away to a special boarding school.

Dylan does not want to go.

Dylan tries to rescue his friend Daisy, however, due to the ‘no speaking’ rule, things go awry, as Daisy is also intimidated into silence by the school teacher.

A dog named Alfie makes friends with Dylan. Dylan wants to keep him. His Dad says no.

Transformation

Dylan begins the story as a victim. His caring about his friend and the encouragement of his telepathic dog friend, Alife help Dylan to risk talking to help his friend. He utters a couple of words which is very difficult and then things get misunderstood and Dylan gets into trouble again due to the mishap. Dylan retreats again into silence.

Alfie accompanies Dylan to the park where they encounter the bully boys. They are impressed with Alfie. Telepathic communication and coaching from Alfie get Dylan to speak a couple more words. Dylan and Alfie win over the boys, except for one. The alpha bully Victor holds back, as he is intimidated by Dylan’s very large dog.

Alfie continues to coach Dylan to stand up for himself.

Dylan makes an effort to communicate his problems to his father via drawings. At first, this does not work, and the misunderstanding continues.

Dylan reaches a breaking point when the school admin and his father decide the only option is for Dylan to be sent away to the boarding school.

Feeling desperate Dylan runs away.

Alfie brings the artwork to the attention of Dylan’s Dad who at last understands what his son is going through.

Alfie located a terrified Dylan. His Dad is beyond relieved to find him and explains he misunderstood, there will be no boarding school for Dylan.

At school, the day of the Christmas concert, Dylan and his Dad observe the mother of Victor shouting and slapping him. Dylan’s Dad notifies the principal.

Following the incident, Dylan and his Dad have a mostly one-way talk about the importance of communicating to trusted adults, and that bullies learn to bully

Dylan feels empathy for the bully.

Feeling more secure, Dylan starts to enjoy Christmas. Still mostly silent. Until they go to visit the Christmas tree in the village high street where Dylan feels more confident and secure, comments on the magic of Christmas.

While the Christmas dinner is cooking Dylan and Alfie go to the park where they meet Daisy and exchange presents with a few words. The alpha bully Victor is walking dejectedly in the park. Daisy and Dylan want to know how come he is in the park. Things are not good at Victor’s house there is a domestic argument. Dylan, Daisy, and Victor go to Dylan’s for Christmas dinner. This represents the completion of the character arc for this story. From victim to empowerment and empathy, taking on heroic elements in his life challenges.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

ANNA HARPER

DAY 4 CHARACTERS LIVE

SILENT NIGHT

What I learned from this assignment. This was so far, the most transformational exercise to my script. Yes, it really did so much more than just dialogue to make the characters come alive and be more entertaining in the end, for an audience. I really enjoyed this exercise. Thank you.

EXT.ESTABLSIHING VILLAGE SCHOO/L DAY

Lyme Regis, a small historic English seaside village (used to shoot The French Lieutenant’s Woman, Persuasion, Wonka, and others)) is all decked out for Christmas. Beautiful lights are strung across the high streets and hanging baskets with Christmas arrangements swing from the antique wrought-iron street lamps. The shop windows sparkle with Christmas displays. A band of street musicians is playing Silent Night. From the top of the High street, the road runs down to the winter blue sea sparkling in the afternoon sun. Christmas tourists and locals create a busy, happy energy street scene. A light dusting of snow is on the ground.

EXT.VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY

DYLAN

DYLAN is a 13-year-old boy. He has been electively silent,(mute), since the death of his mother two years ago.

He wears shorts even in winter, has an earing in one ear, and likes to wear Kaleo rock band shirts. He wears his hair like the rock band lead singer. His Dad Steve buys him expensive colourful runners which he cannot really afford. Dylan wants to go to art school.

DYLAN exits the school nervously looks around, and starts to run, looking back towards the school, he sees a pack of boys begin to follow him. They all start to run. The boys are shouting, “weirdo, Dumbo, retard, you haven’t got a mother, that’s why you are a lame weirdo.” Music opening bars “We are going down.” Kaleo.

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS An attractive urban woman in her early 30s (A Cruella DeVille personality underneath the smooth charm of a car salesman,) is standing on the school steps watching the boys passively, with a malevolent smile.

INT.SCHOOLROOM/DAY

Elizabeth returns to her classroom and closes the door. She takes a hand mirror and lipstick out of her desk, and dialogues with her mirror. PLACEHOLDER RAP SONG CREATURE TEACHER.

EXT. VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

The boys continue to run after a terrified Dylan. Dylan runs panting, stumbling, and flings himself into the bakery shop doorway, opens the shop door, then hides inside.

INT.BAKERY/DAY

The bakery is festooned with Christmas garlands, snowflakes decorate the window. Piles of Christmas goodies are on display. A young attractive woman, MICKEY the baker is behind the counter. She has Cornish red hair, pale Cornish skin, and a Kaleo tattoo on her forearm. Her hair is tied up in a red bandana and she wears large hoop earrings. The Charlie Brown Theme is playing.

MICKEY

Hey fella, what’s up, what’s happening? Are you alright? Are those boys giving you a hard time? Can I help you, my friend? Do you want me to kick their ass?

The boys run past the window. Dylan is coughing and spluttering for breath. Dylan checks they are down the street and then runs out the door, doorbells ringing behind him in the opposite direction.

Again he hears the boys yelling, taunting, getting closer. He runs up a side alley behind the Fresh from the Sea fish and chip shop. Desperate, he lifts the lid of a large garbage skiff, climbs in, and closes the lid on himself.

INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

Panting, coughing, and starting to cry in the darkened, garbage-filled skiff. The sound of the boys bullying voices, calling Dylan names, threatening, fade into the distance.

Dylan emerges from under the trash, dazed. There are sounds of rustling in the trash, Dylan is terrified, crying, he huddles in the corner.

DYLAN V.O.

Rats, there are rats in here!

A huge scruffy all-black Newfoundland dog emerges from under the trash with a large piece of fish and chip wrapper in his mouth. Dylan screams.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Day 3 Dueling Agendas<div>

What I learned from this assignment; this process made it easier for me to see how characters played off each other to create interest for the audience.

Character Dylan Traits: Isolation by choice, refuses to speak. Self-protection from intrusion

Alfie Traits Dog /Magician has superpowers, helper, life coach, irresistible dog charm

Conflict over agendas in the scene below.

Dylan does not want his bubble of silence broken or intruded upon. He has maintained his bubble successfully remain silent since his mother died two years ago.

Alfie has his own agenda. He is starving and enlists Dylan to get food, which entails them communicating telepathically.

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

Dylan hides in the doorways of village shops displaying Christmas themes.

The boys run after a terrified Dylan. He hides
in the doorways of village shops.

INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

He can hear the boys yelling and getting closer, desperate he climbs into a large garbage bin at the back of the Fresh From the Sea Fish and Chip Shop and pulls the lid down. The sound of the boys bullying voices, calling Dylan names, fades into the distance.

Dylan emerges from under the trash, dazed There are sounds of rustling in the trash, He is terrified, crying. A huge scruffy all-black Newfoundland dog emerges from under the trash with a large piece of fish and chip wrapper in his mouth. Dylan screams.

ALFIE

Shhh! Or those nasty bully boys will be back.

DYLAN V.O.(INTERNAL DIALOGUE)

Who is talking to me?

ALFIE V.O. speaks to Dylan telepathically.

It’s me I am talking to you, silently, inside your head, I have superpowers. We can talk like this and no one can hear us. Brilliant isn’t it?

DYLAN

I must have banged my head, I must be imagining this.

ALFIE

Nope, it’s me super dog Alfie at your service.

DYLAN’S body language is one of fear, cowering in the corner.

DYLAN

This is some kind of trick!

ALFIE

No, it’s just you and me talking silently, like I said this is my superpower, what is your name?

DYLAN

It’s Dylan and I still don’t believe this is happening.

ALFIE

Let’s get outta here. I’m starving, licking the fish and chip paper didn’t help. I know let’s go to the butcher shop trash and see if there are any tasty bits of raw meat left in the bin!

DYLAN

That’s disgusting, and you are the dirtiest dog I have ever seen! You stink!

ALFIE

See! I told you. We are talking silently inside each other’s head, it’s not a trick it’s a superpower, kind of like on Startrek. Now let’s get out of here before the boys find us.

DYLAN

We are not going to eat raw dirty old meat from a bin!

</div>

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Seducing Actors

What I learned from this assignment. I think it will help me stay true to the course of the story and most importantly help me find the voice of the characters.

Protagonist

Dylan

Basic Character Traits

Operates from the perspective of a 13-year-old boy, deeply wounded by the death of his mother.

Dylan chooses elective mutism as his modus operandi, as self-protective yet isolating. as a reaction to his trauma.

He loves his Dad but feels consistently misunderstood.

Want

Dylan wants to stay in his bubble,

Need

He needs friends and more of a life outside of his own head.

Paradoxes

Sometimes Dylan feels the urge to speak, but the words won’t come out.

Dylan wants to stay in his bubble yet would like to be included with school friends.

Secrets

Dylan believes he is close to his mother in his world of silence.

Although he is antisocial and isolated his interests in music and art have him dreaming of singing on stage in the next Britain’s Got Talent contest.

Flaw

Dylan is egocentric. He fails to feel the anguish he is causing his
Dad. All he cares about generally is himself.

Special

Although he is antisocial and isolated his interests in music and art have him dreaming of singing on stage in the next Britain’s Got Talent contest. and going to art school.

Antagonist

Elizabeth Perkins, Dylan’s school teacher

Basic Characteristics

Elizabeth is very physically attractive, smooth, charming on the surface.

She is a transplanted city girl, not from the village.

She is deceitful.

Want

She wants a compliant man in her life. There are not many good-looking single men in the village, so she has become obsessed with idea of Steve, Dylan’s Dad. Her version of husband material.

Need

She needs to get Dylan out of the way.

Paradox

Elizabeth is a teacher who detests children but wants the power and the holidays.

Secret

She is divorced, dumped. No one in the village knows,.

Flaw

Overbearing in trying to control and get whatever she wants.

Special

She stands out from the village women as a city glamourous woman, though in her efforts she overdoes it. There is always something out of place, (as in Cruella De Ville 1001 Dalmatians, unaware of her bed head hair.}.

Steve (linking character)

Basic Character Traits

Overall good guy, liked in the village. Also a volunteer fireman.

Stressed by his current life situation. Single Dad, not much money, Dylan acting out. Lonely. Can be insensitive.

Want

Wants his son to speak again more than anything in the world.

Need

Believes no one understands his load. Needs support, is lonely would like a relationship.

Paradox

Feels guilty for wanting a relationship, yet is lonely. Finds great happiness hanging out with his son, and gives up on the idea of a partner.

Wants to be more than a bus driver, too tired stressed broke to afford further training or education.

Secret

When it gets too much, he has a stiff drink. This worries him as his parents were both alcoholics.

Flaw

He can lose his temper with Dylan and be insensitive

Special

He is one of the village’s quirky characters, flamboyant, charming, everybody loves him.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Version 2

Latest changes in bold

What I learned from this assignment. Every time we do an assignment challenge the changes are worthwhile. However, I did not enjoy the results of dehydrating my work to one sentence nine beats, the resulting nine beats were unsatisfactory whatever I tried to do with them.

A. Concept:

It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. when a homeless Newfoundland dog, Alfie finds 13-year-old mute Dylan hiding from bullies in a garbage skiff.

Alfie uses his telepathic superpowers to aid and befriend Dylan.

Dylan’s dad (Steve) is being influenced by his evil wanna-be girlfriend Miss Elizabeth Perkins (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher.) She wants Dylan sent off to a ‘special’ boarding school.

The loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan helps him to break out of his self-imposed silence, and accept the death of his mother.

Change is all that will save Dylan. Through a series of challenging events, and with Alfie’s help, Dylan finds the courage to gradually break out of his silent world.

The magic of Christmas, family security, and joy encourage Dylan to speak his first sentence since the death of his mother.

Alfie the homeless dog becomes one of the family, and Steve finds a new romantic partner that Dylan and Alfie approve of.

B. Plot Choice: Metamorphosis

C. Character Structure:

Dylan must risk breaking out of silence

Biggest fear; Breaking silence risks breaking the illusion of safety in silence, and an illusion of closeness to his dead mother, whom he must let go of in order to function successfully in his life. Alfie breaks through Dylan’s silence in an unusual way, telepathically. Gradually winning Dylan’s affection and trust, Alfie helps Dylan to risk speaking again as his silence is no longer serving him in the real world, causing him all sorts of difficulties. Dylan emerges from his silent bubble, speaks, conquers the bullies, makes friends and avoids the boarding school.

Lead Characters

Dylan is a 13-year-old boy wrestling with difficulties caused by his mutism and complicated by the challenges of being a teenager. In the story, he befriends Alfie a homeless dog. Dylan is bullied by schoolboys and his grade 6 teacher. Dylan evolves through a series of challenges to a more confident self, speaking again, making friends, and developing a more understanding relationship with his father Steve.

Alfie is a huge all-black Newfoundland dog with two-way telepathic superpowers. He says he is homeless. Dylan rescues Alfie and Alfie rescues Dylan. Alfie is Dylan’s life coach sharing Yoda-like wisdom with Dylan and encouraging Dylan through his needs as a dirty starving homeless dog for Dylan to take on a less egocentric way of being in the world. Dylan is empathic to Alfie’s needs. Alfie provides a new loving relationship to Dylan.

Steve is Dylan’s Dad. He has been a widower for the last couple of years and copes as best he can with being the village bus driver, volunteer fireman, and single Dad to Dylan. He means well, however, due to stress and being somewhat insensitive he misses the boat with Dylan. He has a lukewarm, on and off early days relationship with Elizabeth Perkins. He finds her overbearing and, yet charming and attractive. It takes an incident of Dylan running away, and Alfie saving the day for Steve to have an epiphany and figure out what is going on.

Elizabeth Perkins Antagonist Elizabeth has an agenda to have Steve to herself. She plots to send Dylan off to a special boarding school. Elizabeth is generally a covert nasty piece of work, she does not like children, went into teaching for the extended holidays, she makes the school kids’ lives miserable. Her characteristics are smooth and very charming, more glamourous (and incongruous in a school setting) than the average village woman. She wears hideous Christmas sweaters, and spikey high heels. Despite her glamourous appearance always has a giveaway feature, ( such as Cruella DeVille in 101 Dalmations, sporting bed head behind her coiffure. ) The overdone glam is in direct relationship to her character being overbearing. Unfortunately, she has no redeeming qualities and gets caught out and dismissed. She does provide a talking point for Steve and Dylan on good reasons for children and young people to talk to adults when there are problems.

Dramatic Question Will Dylan ever talk again or will he become a victim of his own construction?

Main Conflict

Dylan has an inner and an outer conflict that collides with each other. Dylan does not want to give up his cocoon of silence, lives in a world of his own where he still feels a connection to his departed mother. The outside world presents Dylan with unpleasant incidents made more difficult by his unwillingness to talk.

Dilemma

What will Dylan lose if he starts to speak again? He has not spoken in two years, it is difficult for him to get the words out, even if he wanted to, and sometimes he does want to try and speak, it’s really hard for him. Alfie presents him with a shocking invasion into his silent world with two-way telepathy, thus the beginning of an unwilling break in his silence. The dramas in Dylan’s life gradually force a coming out of the cocoon.

Theme

Maturation

9 BEATS Get to the Essence

1. A group of bullies chases Dylan, verbally abusing him., while his school teacher watches passively.

2. Dylan hides in the garbage skiff and meets Alfie, a dog with telepathic superpowers

3. Steve is on a date with Dylan’s teacher who suggests Dylan is sent to a boarding school.

4. Dylan’s friend is bullied, he uses words to get her help.

5. Steve misunderstands what has happened, gets angry with Dylan, and threatens boarding school.

6. Dylan feels threatened and runs away.

7. Alfie takes Dylan’s drawings of abuse at the school to Steve and then locates Dylan.

.

8. Steve allows Dylan to keep Alfie who continues to coach Dylan to speak.

9. A Christmas walk in the village begins a new chapter with Dylan speaking, Alfie, now a member of the family, and a new girlfriend for Steve. Dylan matures, developing better skills at making friends and empathy for the bully.

.

LOGLINE: A 13-year-old boy is forced by social circumstances to confront his unwillingness to change and give up his selective mutism, a trauma bond with his deceased mother.

DRAMATIC QUESTION: What will help the boy overcome his challenge?

MAIN CONFLICT: Peer bullying and a sadistic teacher create heightened stress for the boy. His father does not know what to do to help his son.

DILEMMA: The boy does not want to give up his bubble of silence which has become habituated, if he does not, he will continue to be bullied and may be sent off to a special boarding school.

THEME: Love wins.

SILENT NIGHT

1. EXT.ESTABLISHING/VILLAGE HIGH STREET/CHRISTMAS/DAY

2. EXT.VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY

A group of bullies chase Dylan, verbally abusing him. A school teacher watches passively.

3. INT.CLASSROOM/DAY

Elizabeth Perkins the teacher returns to her schoolroom and dialogues with her mirror. Placeholder rap song. re her enjoyment of her dark side.

4. INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

Dylan hides in the garbage skiff, meets Alfie, discovers that the dog has superpowers of two-way telepathic communication with Dylan.

5, INT. DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY

Dylan and Alfie enter leaving a dirty mess. Alfie bathes and feeds Alfie.

6. INT.COTTAGE BATHROOM /DAY

They are discovered by a horrified Steve, (Dad) who says Dylan cannot keep the dog.

Steve is annoyed as he was expecting a dinner guest, Elizabeth Perkins, now this is not possible.

7.INT.KITCHEN/DAY

Steve leaves, Dylan and Alfie enters the kitchen to find food for a starving Alfie. They empty most of the fridge.

8.INT.INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

Steve and Elizabeth the teacher are having dinner. She states that Dylan should attend a special boarding school. This would allow them to spend more time together. Steve dumps Elizabeth and rejects the school idea. Elizabeth is angry and embarrassed.

9.EXT.PARK/EARLY MORNING

Before school, Dylan and Alfie go to the park to play. They see the bully boys walking towards them. Dylan is apprehensive. All of the boys but one, want to come and meet Alfie. The alpha bully hangs back

10..INT.SCHOOL/MORNING

Dylan observes Elizabeth locking his friend Daisy in the school cellar.

11. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/STEVE’S BUS DAY

Dylan has run away from the school, he tries to get his Dad to help Daisy using his usual means of gestures. When that does not work, Dylan speaks for the first time in two years,

telling his Dad to help Daisy.

12.. INT.SCHOOL/DAY

Steve and Dylan can hear Daisy crying in the cellar, Steve fetches the school principal. Elizabeth appears and intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for locking herself in the cellar.

13. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

On the way home Steve expresses his anger. He feels Dylan has made a fool of him, and all because he will not speak. Steve doubts his ability to help Dylan

14. INT.DYLAN’S BEDROOM/DAY

Alfie encourages Dylan to try to communicate with his Dad about his troubles with bullies and the deceptive Miss Perkins using pictures,

Steve runs out of the house He does not see the pictures. Dylan takes his pictures away believing that his Dad is not interested.

15.INT.SCHOOLROOM/DAY

Steve has an interview at Dylan’s school, He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home.

16. EXT.VILLAGE STREET/DAY

On the way home, Steve takes the side of Elizabeth and says they should very seriously consider the boarding school as Dylan is creating trouble and Steve cannot figure out how to help him, Dylan breaks away from his father and runs off. Steve cannot find Dylan.

17. INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve is pacing the floor, he calls the village police and tells them Dylan has run away.

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s drawings and whines and barks loudly until Steve looks at the pictures.

Steve sees the pictures of abuse at the school and understands.. Steve looks at Alfie and asks him to find Dylan

18. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/NIGHT

Alfie continues to bark, steering Steve to the garbage skiff where Alfie and Dylan originally met. Steve lifts the lid on the skiff where (horrified,) he finds Dylan.

I9.INT. AT THE COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve phones the school board, reports his concerns, and tells his son not to worry he is not going to the boarding school, he apologizes for not understanding or believing Dylan

20. INT.THE COTTAGE/MORNING

Steve calls the pound Dylan. No one has claimed Alfie. Steve says If Aflie makes Dylan happy and gets him to start talking, he can keep him until New Year. But only till New Year.

21 INT.DYLAN’S ROOM/MORNING.

Alfie spends more time with Dylan explaining how important it was for him to speak, he saved Daisy from the cellar. He also talks to him about loving his mother and making his mother happy by talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still silent. He draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad.

22. EXT.SCHOOL/DAY

It’s the day of the school Christmas concert. Dylan and Steve are walking from the parking area towards the school with many other parents. Dylan points to the alpha bully boy being smacked and pushed by the bully’s mother. Dylan’s Dad says he will contact the school principal.

23. INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY/EVENING

Dylan feels sorry for the bully boy. Steve says this is how the boy has learned to bully. Dylan wonders if the bully is unhappy or lonely. Steve explains the importance of talking to adults who love and care for children and young people when there is a problem, and how silence can make things worse.

23. EXT. PARK/DAY

Daisy, Dylan, and Alfie are sitting on the park bench. Daisy explains how competitive her parents are,(Tiger mom) and that she would really like a certain doll for Christmas. (Her family does not celebrate Christmas.) They discourage dolls and teddy bears as she has to grow up. Dylan speaks to Daisy, says he wants a tattoo, his Dad will never allow it.

24.INT.VILLAGE BAKERY/AFTERNOON

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping Dylan buys Daisy a My Little Mermaid doll.. Dylan points and waves at the bakery. They go in and buy Christmas goodies. Steve and Dylan like Mickey the baker,

25. EXT. SEAFRONT/EVENING

Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

26 EXT. THE VILLAGE CHRISTMAS TREET/CHRISTMAS EVE

Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks, admiring the tree. Steve agrees to keep Alfie.

27. EXT.VILLAGE PARK/CHRISTMAS DAY

Alfie, Dylan,and Daisy are playing hacky sack. They sit on the bench and exchange gifts, the mermaid doll for Daisy and some extra long-lasting tattoo decals for Dylan. They discuss the dilemma of wanting to grow up and still be kids, even though both situations have problems. They spot the alpha bully walking along dejectedly. They call him over encourage him to make friends with Alfie.and ask him why he is in the park alone, he says there is too much yelling and fighting at home. Dylan says his Dad is cooking the turkey and invites them to come over for Christmas dinner.

F.O. All walking through the Christmas village to Dylan’s cottage where a tree with lights is visible from the window (Thomas Kincaid vibe, music Walking In The Air from The Snowman

(Andrew Loyd Webber) Andrew Johnston performing (a boy who was bullied because he sang.)

Credits Roll

Ensemble cast casually assemble in front of the cottage as in the final scene in The Lady in a Van. (Alan Bennet.)

[anna harper]

Anna Harper

SILENT NIGHT GETTING TO THE ESSENCE

A. Concept:

It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. when a homeless Newfoundland dog, Alfie finds 13-year-old mute Dylan hiding from bullies in a garbage skiff.

Alfie uses his telepathic superpowers to aid and befriend Dylan.

Dylan’s dad (Steve) is being influenced by his evil wanna-be girlfriend Miss Elizabeth Perkins (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher.) She wants Dylan sent off to a ‘special’ boarding school.

The loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan helps him to break out of his self-imposed silence, and accept the death of his mother.

Change is all that will save Dylan. Through a series of challenging events, and with Alfie’s help, Dylan finds the courage to gradually break out of his silent world.

The magic of Christmas, family security, and joy encourage Dylan to speak his first sentence since the death of his mother.

Alfie the homeless dog becomes one of the family, and Steve finds a new romantic partner that Dylan and Alfie approve of.

B. Plot Choice: Metamorphosis

C. Character Structure:

Dylan must risk breaking out of silence

Biggest fear; Breaking silence risks breaking the illusion of safety in silence, and an illusion of closeness to his dead mother, whom he must let go of in order to function successfully in his life. Alfie breaks through Dylan’s silence in an unusual way, telepathically. Gradually winning Dylan’s affection and trust, Alfie helps Dylan to risk speaking again as his silence is no longer serving him in the real world, causing him all sorts of difficulties. Dylan emerges from his silent bubble, speaks, conquers the bullies, makes friends and avoids the boarding school.

Lead Characters

Dylan is a 13-year-old boy wrestling with difficulties caused by his mutism and complicated by the challenges of being a teenager. In the story, he befriends Alfie a homeless dog. Dylan is bullied by schoolboys and his grade 6 teacher. Dylan evolves through a series of challenges to a more confident self, speaking again, making friends, and developing a more understanding relationship with his father Steve.

Alfie is a huge all-black Newfoundland dog with two-way telepathic superpowers. He says he is homeless. Dylan rescues Alfie and Alfie rescues Dylan. Alfie is Dylan’s life coach sharing Yoda-like wisdom with Dylan and encouraging Dylan through his needs as a dirty starving homeless dog for Dylan to take on a less egocentric way of being in the world. Dylan is empathic to Alfie’s needs. Alfie provides a new loving relationship to Dylan.

Steve is Dylan’s Dad. He has been a widower for the last couple of years and copes as best he can with being the village bus driver, volunteer fireman, and single Dad to Dylan. He means well, however, due to stress and being somewhat insensitive he misses the boat with Dylan. It takes an incident of Dylan running away, and Alfie saving the day for Steve to have an epiphany and figure out what is going on.

Elizabeth Perkins Antagonist Elizabeth has an agenda to have Steve to herself. She plots to send Dylan off to a special boarding school. Elizabeth is generally evil and makes the school kids’ lives miserable. Her character is camp. She wears hideous Christmas sweaters and looks overdone, in direct relationship to her character being overbearing. Unfortunately, she has no redeeming qualities and gets caught out and dismissed. She does provide a talking point for Steve and Dylan on good reasons for children and young people to talk to adults when there are problems.

Dramatic Question Will Dylan ever talk again or will he become a victim of his own construction?

Main Conflict

Dylan has an inner and an outer conflict that collides with each other. Dylan does not want to give up his cocoon of silence, lives in a world of his own where he still feels a connection to his departed mother. The outside world presents Dylan with unpleasant incidents made more difficult by his unwillingness to talk.

Dilemma

What will Dylan lose if he starts to speak again? He has not spoken in two years, it is difficult for him to get the words out, even if he wanted to, and sometimes he does want to try and speak, it’s really hard for him. Alfie presents him with a shocking invasion into his silent world with two-way telepathy, thus the beginning of an unwilling break in his silence. The dramas in Dylan’s life gradually force a coming out of the cocoon.

Theme

Maturation

9 BEATS Get to the Essence

1. A group of bullies chases Dylan, verbally abusing him., while his school teacher watches passively.

2. Dylan hides in the garbage skiff and meets Alfie, a dog with telepathic superpowers

3. Steve is on a date with Dylan’s teacher who suggests Dylan is sent to a boarding school.

4. Dylan’s friend is bullied, he uses words to get her help.

5. Steve misunderstands what has happened, gets angry with Dylan, and threatens boarding school.

6. Dylan feels threatened and runs away.

7. Alfie takes Dylan’s drawings of abuse at the school to Steve and then locates Dylan.

.

8. Steve allows Dylan to keep Alfie who continues to coach Dylan to speak.

9. A Christmas walk in the village begins a new chapter with Dylan speaking, Alfie,now a member of the family, and a new girlfriend for Steve.

FULL OUTLINE

1. EXT.ESTABLISHING/VILLAGE HIGH STREET/CHRISTMAS/DAY

2. EXT.VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY

A group of bullies chases Dylan, verbally abusing him. A school teacher watches passively.

3. INT.CLASSROOM/DAY

Elizabeth Perkins the teacher returns to her schoolroom and dialogues with her mirror. Placeholder rap song. re her enjoyment of her dark side.

4. INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

Dylan hides in the garbage skiff, meets Alfie, discovers that the dog has superpowers of two-way telepathic communication with Dylan.

5, INT. DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY

Dylan and Alfie enter leaving a dirty mess. Alfie bathes and feeds Alfie.

6. INT.COTTAGE BATHROOM /DAY

They are discovered by a horrified Steve, (Dad) who says Dylan cannot keep the dog.

Steve is annoyed as he was expecting a dinner guest, now this is not possible.

7.INT.KITCHEN/DAY

Steve leaves, Dylan and Alfie enter the kitchen to find food for a starving Alfie. They empty most of the fridge.

8.INT.INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

Steve and Elizabeth the teacher are having dinner. She states that Dylan should attend a special boarding school. This would allow them to spend more time together. Steve dumps Elizabeth and rejects the school idea. Elizabeth is angry and embarrassed.

9.EXT.PARK/EARLY MORNING

Before school, Dylan and Alfie go to the park to play. They see the bully boys walking towards them. Dylan is apprehensive. All of the boys but one, want to come and meet Alfie. The alpha bully hangs back

10..INT.SCHOOL/MORNING

Dylan observes Elizabeth locking his friend Daisy in the school cellar.

11. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/STEVE’S BUS DAY

Dylan has run away from the school, he tries to get his Dad to help Daisy using his usual means of gestures. When that does not work, Dylan speaks for the first time in two years,

telling his Dad to help Daisy.

12.. INT.SCHOOL/DAY

Steve and Dylan can hear Daisy crying in the cellar, Steve fetches the school principal. Elizabeth appears and intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for locking herself in the cellar.

13. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

On the way home Steve expresses his anger. He feels Dylan has made a fool of him, and all because he will not speak. Steve doubts his ability to help Dylan

14. INT.DYLAN’S BEDROOM/DAY

Alfie encourages Dylan to try to communicate with his Dad about his troubles with bullies and the evil Miss Perkins using pictures,

Steve runs out of the house He does not see the pictures. Dylan takes his pictures away believing that his Dad is not interested.

15.INT.SCHOOLROOM/DAY

Steve has an interview at Dylan’s school, He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home.

16. EXT.VILLAGE STREET/DAY

On the way home, Steve takes the side of Elizabeth and says they should very seriously consider the boarding school as Dylan is creating trouble and Steve cannot figure out how to help him, Dylan breaks away from his father and runs off. Steve cannot find Dylan.

17. INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve is pacing the floor, he calls the village police and tells them Dylan has run away.

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s drawings and whines and barks until Steve looks at them.

Steve sees the pictures of abuse at the school and understands.. Steve looks at Alfie and asks him to find Dylan

18. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/NIGHT

Alfie barks and steers Steve to the garbage skiff where Alfie and Dylan originally met. Steve lifts the lid on the skiff where he finds Dylan

I9.INT. AT THE COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve phones the school board, reports his concerns, and tells his son not to worry he is not going to the boarding school, he apologizes for not understanding or believing Dylan

20. INT.THE COTTAGE/MORNING

Steve calls the pound Dylan. No one has claimed Alfie. Steve says If Aflie makes Dylan happy and gets him to start talking, he can keep him until New Year. But only till New Year.

21 INT.DYLAN’S ROOM/MORNING.

Alfie spends more time with Dylan explaining how important it was for him to speak, he saved Daisy from the cellar. He also talks to him about loving his mother and making his mother happy by talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still silent. He draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad.

22. EXT.SCHOOL/DAY

It’s the day of the school Christmas concert. Dylan and Steve are walking from the parking area towards the school with many other parents. Dylan points to the alpha bully boy being smacked and pushed by the bully’s mother. Dylan’s Dad says he will contact the school principal.

23. INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY/EVENING

Dylan feels sorry for the bully boy. Steve says this is how the boy has learned to bully. Dylan wonders if the bully is lonely. Steve explains the importance of talking to adults who love and care for children and young people when there is a problem, and how silence can make things worse.

23. EXT. PARK/DAY

Daisy, Dylan, and Alfie are sitting on the park bench. Daisy explains how competitive her parents are, and that she would really like a certain doll for Christmas. They will not allow it as she has to grow up.

Dylan speaks, says he wants a tattoo, his Dad will never allow it.

24.INT.VILLAGE BAKERY/AFTERNOON

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping Dylan buys Daisy a My Little Mermaid doll. village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery. They go in and buy Christmas goodies. Steve and Dylan like Mickey the baker,

25. EXT. SEAFRONT/EVENING

Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

26 EXT.AT THE VILLAGE CHRISTMAS TREET/CHRISTMAS EVE

Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks, admiring the tree. Steve agrees to keep Alfie.

27. EXT.VILLAGE PARK/CHRISTMAS DAY

Alfie, Dylan,and Daisy are playing hacky sack. They sit on the bench and exchange gifts, the mermaid doll for Daisy and some extra long-lasting tattoo decals for Dylan. They conclude their meeting discussing the dilemma of wanting to grow up and still be kids.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper

Getting to the Essence

SILENT NIGHT

A. Concept:

It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. when a homeless Newfoundland dog, Alfie finds 13-year-old mute Dylan hiding from bullies in a garbage skiff.

Alfie uses his telepathic superpowers to aid and befriend Dylan.

Dylan’s dad (Steve) is being influenced by his evil wanna-be girlfriend Miss Elizabeth Perkins (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher.) She wants Dylan sent off to a ‘special’ boarding school.

The loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan helps him to break out of his self-imposed silence, and accept the death of his mother.

Change is all that will save Dylan. Through a series of challenging events, and with Alfie’s help, Dylan finds the courage to gradually break out of his silent world.

The magic of Christmas, family security, and joy encourage Dylan to speak his first sentence since the death of his mother.

Alfie the homeless dog becomes one of the family, and Steve finds a new romantic partner that Dylan and Alfie approve of.

B. Plot Choice: Metamorphosis

C. Character Structure:

Dylan must risk breaking out of silence

Biggest fear; Breaking silence risks breaking the illusion of safety in silence, and an illusion of closeness to his dead mother, whom he must let go of in order to function successfully in his life. Alfie breaks through Dylan’s silence in an unusual way, telepathically. Gradually winning Dylan’s affection and trust, Alfie helps Dylan to risk speaking again as his silence is no longer serving him in the real world, causing him all sorts of difficulties. Dylan emerges from his silent bubble, speaks, conquers the bullies, makes friends and avoids the boarding school.

Lead Characters

Dylan is a 13-year-old boy wrestling with difficulties caused by his mutism and complicated by the challenges of being a teenager. In the story, he befriends Alfie a homeless dog. Dylan is bullied by schoolboys and his grade 6 teacher. Dylan evolves through a series of challenges to a more confident self, speaking again, making friends, and developing a more understanding relationship with his father Steve.

Alfie is a huge all-black Newfoundland dog with two-way telepathic superpowers. He says he is homeless. Dylan rescues Alfie and Alfie rescues Dylan. Alfie is Dylan’s life coach sharing Yoda-like wisdom with Dylan and encouraging Dylan through his needs as a dirty starving homeless dog for Dylan to take on a less egocentric way of being in the world. Dylan is empathic to Alfie’s needs. Alfie provides a new loving relationship to Dylan.

Steve is Dylan’s Dad. He has been a widower for the last couple of years and copes as best he can with being the village bus driver, volunteer fireman, and single Dad to Dylan. He means well, however, due to stress and being somewhat insensitive he misses the boat with Dylan. It takes an incident of Dylan running away, and Alfie saving the day for Steve to have an epiphany and figure out what is going on.

Elizabeth Perkins Antagonist Elizabeth has an agenda to have Steve to herself. She plots to send Dylan off to a special boarding school. Elizabeth is generally evil and makes the school kids’ lives miserable. Her character is camp. She wears hideous Christmas sweaters and looks overdone, in direct relationship to her character being overbearing. Unfortunately, she has no redeeming qualities and gets caught out and dismissed. She does provide a talking point for Steve and Dylan on good reasons for children and young people to talk to adults when there are problems.

Dramatic Question Will Dylan ever talk again or will he become a victim of his own construction?

Main Conflict

Dylan has an inner and an outer conflict that collides with each other. Dylan does not want to give up his cocoon of silence, lives in a world of his own where he still feels a connection to his departed mother. The outside world presents Dylan with unpleasant incidents made more difficult by his unwillingness to talk.

Dilemma

What will Dylan lose if he starts to speak again? He has not spoken in two years, it is difficult for him to get the words out, even if he wanted to, and sometimes he does want to try and speak, it’s really hard for him. Alfie presents him with a shocking invasion into his silent world with two-way telepathy, thus the beginning of an unwilling break in his silence. The dramas in Dylan’s life gradually force a coming out of the cocoon.

Theme

Maturation

9 BEATS Get to the Essence

1. A group of bullies chases Dylan, verbally abusing him., while his school teacher watches passively.

2. Dylan hides in the garbage skiff and meets Alfie, a dog with telepathic superpowers

3. Steve is on a date with Dylan’s teacher who suggests Dylan is sent to a boarding school.

4. Dylan’s friend is bullied, he uses words to get her help.

5. Steve misunderstands what has happened, gets angry with Dylan, and threatens boarding school.

6. Dylan feels threatened and runs away.

7. Alfie takes Dylan’s drawings of abuse at the school to Steve and then locates Dylan.

.

8. Steve allows Dylan to keep Alfie who continues to coach Dylan to speak.

9. A Christmas walk in the village begins a new chapter with Dylan speaking, Alfie,now a member of the family, and a new girlfriend for Steve..

.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Day 15 PS81

ESSENCE ONLY OUTLINE

What I learned from this assignment; it certainly helped me to clarify and add some new scenes. At this point, I am really wanting/excited to get going on the script’s larger content.

LOGLINE: A 13-year-old boy is forced by social circumstances to confront his unwillingness to change and give up his selective mutism, a trauma bond with his deceased mother.

DRAMATIC QUESTION: What will help the boy overcome his challenge?

MAIN CONFLICT: Peer bullying and a sadistic teacher create heightened stress for the boy. His father does not know what to do to help his son.

DILEMMA: The boy does not want to give up his bubble of silence which has become habituated, if he does not, he will continue to be bullied and may be sent off to a special boarding school.

THEME: Love will find a way in.

1. EXT.ESTABLISHING/VILLAGE HIGH STREET/CHRISTMAS/DAY

2. EXT.VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY

A group of bullies chase Dylan, verbally abusing him. A school teacher watches passively.

3. INT.CLASSROOM/DAY

Elizabeth Perkins the teacher returns to her schoolroom and dialogues with her mirror. Placeholder rap song. re her enjoyment of her dark side.

4. INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

Dylan hides in the garbage skiff, meets Alfie, discovers that the dog has superpowers of two-way telepathic communication with Dylan.

5, INT. DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY

Dylan and Alfie enter leaving a dirty mess. Alfie bathes and feeds Alfie.

6. INT.COTTAGE BATHROOM /DAY

They are discovered by a horrified Steve, (Dad) who says Dylan cannot keep the dog.

Steve is annoyed as he was expecting a dinner guest, now this is not possible.

7.INT.KITCHEN/DAY

Steve leaves, Dylan and Alfie enter the kitchen to find food for a starving Alfie. They empty most of the fridge.

8.INT.INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

Steve and Elizabeth the teacher are having dinner. She states that Dylan should attend a special boarding school. This would allow them to spend more time together. Steve dumps Elizabeth and rejects the school idea. Elizabeth is angry and embarrassed.

9.EXT.PARK/EARLY MORNING

Before school, Dylan and Alfie go to the park to play. They see the bully boys walking towards them. Dylan is apprehensive. All of the boys but one, want to come and meet Alfie. The alpha bully hangs back

10..INT.SCHOOL/MORNING

Dylan observes Elizabeth locking his friend Daisy in the school cellar.

11. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/STEVE’S BUS DAY

Dylan has run away from the school, he tries to get his Dad to help Daisy using his usual means of gestures. When that does not work, Dylan speaks for the first time in two years,

telling his Dad to help Daisy.

12.. INT.SCHOOL/DAY

Steve and Dylan can hear Daisy crying in the cellar, Steve fetches the school principal. Elizabeth appears and intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for locking herself in the cellar.

13. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

On the way home Steve expresses his anger. He feels Dylan has made a fool of him, and all because he will not speak. Steve doubts his ability to help Dylan

14. INT.DYLAN’S BEDROOM/DAY

Alfie encourages Dylan to try to communicate with his Dad about his troubles with bullies and the evil Miss Perkins using pictures,

Steve runs out of the house He does not see the pictures. Dylan takes his pictures away believing that his Dad is not interested.

15.INT.SCHOOLROOM/DAY

Steve has an interview at Dylan’s school, He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home.

16. EXT.VILLAGE STREET/DAY

On the way home, Steve takes the side of Elizabeth and says they should very seriously consider the boarding school as Dylan is creating trouble and Steve cannot figure out how to help him, Dylan breaks away from his father and runs off. Steve cannot find Dylan.

17. INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve is pacing the floor, he calls the village police and tells them Dylan has run away.

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s drawings and whines and barks until Steve looks at them.

Steve sees the pictures of abuse at the school and understands.. Steve looks at Alfie and asks him to find Dylan

18. EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/NIGHT

Alfie barks and steers Steve to the garbage skiff where Alfie and Dylan originally met. Steve lifts the lid on the skiff where he finds Dylan

I9.INT. AT THE COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve phones the school board, reports his concerns, and tells his son not to worry he is not going to the boarding school, he apologizes for not understanding or believing Dylan

20. INT.THE COTTAGE/MORNING

Steve calls the pound Dylan. No one has claimed Alfie. Steve says If Aflie makes Dylan happy and gets him to start talking, he can keep him until New Year. But only till New Year.

21 INT.DYLAN’S ROOM/MORNING.

Alfie spends more time with Dylan explaining how important it was for him to speak, he saved Daisy from the cellar. He also talks to him about loving his mother and making his mother happy by talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still silent. He draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad.

22. EXT.SCHOOL/DAY

It’s the day of the school Christmas concert. Dylan and Steve are walking from the parking area towards the school with many other parents. Dylan points to the alpha bully boy being smacked and pushed by the bully’s mother. Dylan’s Dad says he will contact the school principal.

23. INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY/EVENING

Dylan feels sorry for the bully boy. Steve says this is how the boy has learned to bully. Dylan wonders if the bully is lonely. Steve explains the importance of talking to adults who love and care for children and young people when there is a problem, and how silence can make things worse.

23. EXT. PARK/DAY

Daisy, Dylan, and Alfie are sitting on the park bench. Daisy explains how competitive her parents are, and that she would really like a certain doll for Christmas. They will not allow it as she has to grow up.

Dylan speaks, says he wants a tattoo, his Dad will never allow it.

24.INT.VILLAGE BAKERY/AFTERNOON

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping Dylan buys Daisy a My Little Mermaid doll. village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery. They go in and buy Christmas goodies. Steve and Dylan like Mickey the baker,

25. EXT. SEAFRONT/EVENING

Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

26 EXT.AT THE VILLAGE CHRISTMAS TREET/CHRISTMAS EVE

Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks, admiring the tree. Steve agrees to keep Alfie.

27. EXT.VILLAGE PARK/CHRISTMAS DAY

Alfie, Dylan, and Daisy are playing hacky sack. They sit on the bench and exchange gifts, the mermaid doll for Daisy and some extra long-lasting tattoo decals for Dylan. They conclude their meeting discussing the dilemma of wanting to grow up and still be kids.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Pass 8 Cliche Busting

What I learned in this assignment: I found one large cliche that was deliberate and intended as humour. However, after reviewing it, felt I could come up with something more relevant and fun for my intended audience. So I used the cliche as an inspiration and replaced it with a rap that I wrote, tongue in cheek.

The purpose was to reinforce the antagonist as bad. Humour lightens the ‘on the nose problem.’

Here is the cliche revisited

Steve has been summoned to an interview at Dylan’s school, Elizabeth says Dylan is in trouble again for fighting. This is a lie. Steve agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home. Cliche Elizabeth closes the classroom door, and in her private moment takes the mirror out of her desk drawer and says mirror who is the fairest teacher of them all?

New added rap in progress

Original inspiration

mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all

what are little girls made of, sugar and spice and all things nice thats what little girls are made of

what are little boys made of slime and snails and puppy dogs tails thats what little boys are made of

CHANGE RAP RIF IN PROGRESS

1. I am a mean machine, mean Lizzie

2, meet the teacher creature

3. stuck here in this school for teens, not coolio

4. I’m mean Lizzie, keepin’ em busy yo

5 with too much homework Yo, detentions, writing lines, mean

6 I mean I am mean Lizzie the meet the creature teacher, the mean machine teacher

7 teens are trouble, boil and bubble, teens are trouble

no fun for me

8 no fun for them I’m mean teach Lizzie

9 rather be on the beach mean teach,

10 I’ll show them, get what I want, kinda creature teacher

11 don’t mess with me mean teens cause I can mess with your dreams

12 and call your parents yo

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Set up/ Pay off Chains

What I learned from this assignment. Work was mostly editing, and one major miss on my part for the well-being of my intended audience; the message of the movie. So, lots of editing and only one addition. Amazing like adjusting the lens on a pair of glasses.

Set-Up

Throughout the screenplay, Dylan is emerging very slowly from elective mutism due to trauma. As he emerges from his bubble of silence he observes others suffer if he will not speak. He gradually risks speaking again, relinquishing a dysfunctional and immature self focused behaviour to deal with his life more effectively and relate to others in a caring way.
The payoff is a thread throughout the Final Act.

.

BEATS

1. OPENING

EXT.VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY

DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St. As the boys pursue Dylan, they call him names including “Dummy boy, Dumbo.”

Elizabeth returns to her school office. She takes out her makeup mirror and while reapplying her overdone makeup, which she needs as she is not looking her best at all, she declares to the mirror she will get rid of Dylan and have Steve all to herself., and then asks the mirror to affirm that she indeed is the most beautiful women in the village of all. Then she recites the poem PLACEHOLDER FOR RAP VERSION FOR TEENS BOYS ” what are little girls made of?”

2. INCITING INCIDENT

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.

INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

The bully boys give up. Dylan emerges from under the trash; he hears noises, very scared he starts to cry, and then a dirty scruffy huge all-black Newfoundland (ALFIE) emerges with the fish and chip newspaper wrapping in his mouth. Dylan screams and cowers in fear. Alfie speaks telepathically to Dylan, bursting Dylan’s protective bubble with two way telepathic communication

FIRST TURNING POINT

Dylan is shocked when Alfie talks to him telepathically and refuses to believe it’s happening. Alfie wins Dylan over by explaining that they have to leave or get caught by the bullies. He elicits Dylan’s empathy by explaining he is starving and needs food. (this is the start of taking Dylan out of a selfish type of isolation.) Dylan rebels at Alfie’s suggestion to get raw scraps of meat at the butcher shop and takes Alfie home for food and a bath. Dylan mistakenly thinks they have time before his father arrives home from work.

INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/DAY ORIGINAL

Steve returns earlier than expected coming home to find a big mess. Dylan is discovered washing Alfie in the bathtub. Steve tells Dylan they cannot keep the dog. Steve is annoyed as Elizabeth the teacher was to come over for supper, now the house is muddy and smells like a dog. Steve says Alfie can only stay for the night. Steve begs Dylan to speak and explain what is going on.

Steve shouts at Dylan telling his son that the stress of his silence is causing Steve grief and the dog is the last straw.

<font color=”#4d5c6d” face=”SF UI Text, sans-serif”>While Dylan is bathing Alfie there is a two-way telepathic conversation revealing that Alfie is a homeless dog, and underneath his big furry coat he is skin and bones, Dylan expresses affection and caring for Alfie, and raids most of the contents of the family fridge to give him a good feed, risking more of his Dad’s wrath.</font>

SECOND TURNING POINT ORIGINAL

INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

Elizabeth arrives in a revealing Indian sari. Make up overdone. She informs Steve that she is so disappointed at not being able to come to his house. She does not like dogs of any sort. Tells Steve he is taking on too much for his own good.

Elizabeth takes out a brochure to a so-called special school., says she wants to help Steve have a better life with more time for a relationship and the boarding school is the answer. Steve loses it and tells her to forget any ideas of a relationship, storms out of the restaurant, leaving Elizabeth embarrassed and angry., she vows to get her revenge

THIRD TURNING POINT

INT.DYLAN’S BEDROOM/DAY

Alfie encourages Dylan to try to communicate with his Dad about his troubles with bullies and the mean Miss Perkins using pictures,

Steve runs out of the house in the morning as he is late for his bus route. He does not see the pictures. Dylan takes his pictures away believing that his Dad is not interested.

EXT.PARK/EARLY MORNING

Before school, Dylan and Alfie go to the park to play. They see the bully boys walking towards them. Dylan is apprehensive. All of the boys but one, want to come and meet Alfie. The alpha bully hangs back scared of Alfie.

CRISIS

INT.SCHOOL/MORNING

Dylan observes his friend Daisy. Elizabeth is locking her into the school cellar. Dylan runs away from the school finding his Dad on his bus driving route.

INT.STEVE”S BUS/DAY

Dylan boards the bus. He makes a fuss. Steve is frustrated as he cannot understand what is going on. Finally, Dylan says “Help Daisy, help Daisy.”

INT.SCHOOL/DAY

Dylan and Steve go to the cellar door, they can hear Daisy crying. Steve fetches the school principal. Steve informs the school principal that Elizabeth locked Daisy in the cellar. Elizabeth comes running, and with evil looks at Daisy intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for locking herself in the cellar. Elizabeth tells Steve that she told him so, and Dylan needs help.

On the way home Steve expresses his anger. He feels Dylan has made a fool of him, and all because he will not speak. Steve doubts his ability to help Dylan.

CLIMAX

INT.DYLAN”S SCHOOLROOM/DAY

Steve has been summoned to an interview at Dylan’s school, Elizabeth says Dylan is in trouble again for fighting. This is a lie. He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home. Depressed he leaves, closes the door of the classroom. Elizabeth smiles, she thinks she has won

EXT.VILLAGE STREET/DAY

On the way home, Steve takes the side of Elizabeth and says they should very seriously consider the boarding school as Dylan is creating trouble and Steve cannot figure out how to help him, he is feeling at his wit’s end. Dylan breaks away from his father and runs off. Steve cannot find Dylan. Dylan runs away from his Dad and hides in the garbage skiff.

Dylan implodes, feeling shocked, abandoned unloved, and unsafe, he attempts further isolation in the garbage skiff.

INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve is pacing the floor, he calls the village police and tells them Dylan has run away.

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s drawings and whines and barks until Steve looks at them.

Steve sees the pictures of abuse at the school and finally the penny drops. Steve looks at Alfie and asks him to find Dylan.

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/NIGHT

Alfie barks and steers Steve to the garbage skiff where Alfie and Dylan originally met. Steve lifts the lid on the skiff where he finds Dylan.

When Steve finds Alfie and Dylan and clears the air re the misunderstanding of Dylan’s troubles. Dylan mistrusts Alfie to begin with, then Alfie enlightens Dylan as to the misunderstanding

between him and his Dad and explains that talking could have avoided the whole mess. Frightened Dylan, feels hopeless about how to get out

of his predicament. He has an epiphany as the result of Dylan’s actions are reviewed with Alfie. Dylan is relieved when his Dad arrives

When Steve finds Alfie and Dylan and clears the air re misunderstanding of Dylan’s troubles

INT. AT THE COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve phones the school board, reports his concerns, and tells his son not to worry he is not going to the boarding school, he apologizes for not understanding or believing Dylan

RESOLUTION

INT.THE COTTAGE/MORNING

Steve calls the pound Dylan. No one has claimed Alfie. Steve says If Aflie makes Dylan happy and gets him to start talking, he can keep him until New Year. But only till New Year. Dylan hears his Dad phoning the school board and reporting Elizabeth,

Dylan is very relieved. Dylan expresses his love for his Dad with a hug. Dylan is feeling protected and safer

INT.DYLAN’S ROOM/MORNING.

Alfie spends more time with Dylan explaining how important it was for him to speak, he saved Daisy from the cellar. He also talks to him about loving his mother and making his mother happy by talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still silent. Dylan decides to try one more time. He draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad. Steve says the dog can stay until New Year if Dylan works on speaking again.

Dylan hugs his Dad and Alfie. Inside he is troubled as he does not know if he can speak again.

Alfie encourages Dylan with coaching and confidence.

EXT. SCHOOL/DAY ACT 3

CHANGE

It’s the day of the school Christmas concert. Dylan and Steve are walking from the parking area towards the school with many other parents. Dylan points to the alpha bully boy being smacked and pushed by the bully’s mother.

Dylan feels sorry for the bully boy. Steve points out that this is how he has learned to bully. Dylan wonders if the bully is lonely. Steve explains the importance of talking to adults who love and care for children and young people when there is a problem, and how silence can make things so much worse. He says he will pass on what they have observed to the school principal.

INT.VILLAGE BAKERY/AFTERNOON

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery.

They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey the baker for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Dylan likes the very friendly baker., and thinks she would make a good girlfriend for his Dad.

Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET NEAR SEA FRONT/NIGHT

Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “The tree Dad, it’s like Christmas magic..”

Steve says ” I guess Alfie is staying, our forever dog.”

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Day 12 SUBPLOTS

What I learned from this assignment. I approached this work with curiosity as I had no expectations, I was surprised to see how much the work could be amplified and become more meaningful, more intense with a few changes to the character’s beats.

SILENT NIGHT

CONCEPT

It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of wicked events. The loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother. saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a ‘special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher.) Alfie saves the magic and joy of Christmas by introducing a very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love interest,

BEATS

OPENING

ANTAGONIST ELIZABETH

ORIGINAL BEAT

DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.

CHANGE

BEGINNING OF THE SUBPLOT BEATS

1. Elizabeth returns to her school office. She takes out her makeup mirror and while reapplying her overdone makeup, which she needs as she is not looking her best at all, she declares to the mirror she will get rid of Dylan and have Steve all to herself., and then asks the mirror to affirm that she indeed is the most beautiful of all. Then she recites the poem “what are little girls made of.?

SECOND TURNING POINT

MIDDLE

5. INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

Elizabeth suggests that the answer to Steve’s problems and the impediment to their continued relationship is to send Dylan to a boarding school. Steve dumps an angry Elizabeth

CHANGE

Elizabeth arrives in a revealing Indian sari. Make up overdone. She informs Steve that she is so disappointed at not being able to come to his house. She does not like dogs of any sort. Tells Steve he is taking on too much for his own good.

Elizabeth takes out a brochure to a so-called special school., says she wants to help Steve have a better life with more time for a relationship and the boarding school is the answer. Steve loses it and tells her to forget any ideas of a relationship, storms out of the restaurant, leaving Elizabeth embarrassed and angry., she vows to get her revenge.

8. CRISIS

MIDDLE

INT.SCHOOL/MORNING

Dylan observes his friend Daisy. Elizabeth is locking her into the school cellar. Dylan runs away from the school finding his Dad on his bus driving route.

INT.STEVE”S BUS/DAY

Dylan boards the bus. He makes a fuss. Steve is frustrated as he cannot understand what is going on. Finally, Dylan says “Help Daisy, help Daisy.”

10. INT.SCHOOL/DAY

Dylan and Steve go to the cellar door, they can hear Daisy crying. Steve fetches the school principal. Steve informs the school principal that Elizabeth locked Daisy in the cellar. Elizabeth comes running, and with evil looks at Daisy intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for locking herself in the cellar. Elizabeth tells Steve that she told him so, and Dylan needs help.

On the way home Steve expresses his anger. He feels Dylan has made a fool of him, and all because he will not speak. Steve doubts his ability to help Dylan.

CLIMAX

12.INT.DYLAN’S SCHOOLROOM/DAY

END

Steve has an interview with Elizabeth at Dylan’s school, He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home. Depressed he leaves, closes the door of the classroom. Elizabeth smiles, she thinks she has won.

30. EXT. SCHOOL/DAY

It’s the day of the school Christmas concert. Dylan and Steve are walking from the parking area towards the school with many other parents. Dylan points to the alpha bully boy being smacked and pushed by the bully’s mother. Steve points to Elizabeth leaving the school escorted by a board official and carrying her possessions in a box. Steve notes that grownups can bully and Elizabeth got what she deserved the sack.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s Pass#5 Action/Reaction

What I learned from doing this assignment; the application of the action/reaction was another route to amplify the intensity and add to the script. I could see areas that needed amping up. From sepia to technicolor. I think it will produce a more satisfying experience for an audience.

CONCEPT

It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of wicked events. The loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother. saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher.) Alfie saves the magic and joy of Christmas by introducing a very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love interest,

PROTAGONISTS GOAL

Initially, Dylan’s goal is to maintain the status quo.

Subsequently, it becomes avoidance of stressors; 1, avoid bullies, 2 avoiding boarding school.

3. Enjoy life again.

PROTAGONIST ARC

From victim, self-imposed isolation in silence stuck in loss/grief for his mother moving towards

risking change through various means of gradual communication outside the bubble of silence, forming alliances, and eventually doing what he did not want to do; speaking again as an imperative to survival and eventually to thrive.

MAIN CONFLICT

Dylan does not want to let his mother go If Dylan does not speak again he may lose Alfie, he will not be able to communicate effectively to stop or expose the escalating abuse at school, (now that his Dad has dumped an enraged Elizabeth.) or deal with the bullies

.

CHANGE TO MAIN CONFLICT ADDING EMOTIONAL REACTION

Dylan is stuck in fear and the pain of grief and uses silence as a way of constructing what he erroneously believes to be a way of being in a safe bubble, and staying close to the pain of loss equals staying close to his mother in a world of his own. If Dylan does not speak again he may lose Alfie, he will not be able to communicate effectively to stop or expose the escalating abuse at school, (now that his Dad has dumped an enraged Elizabeth.) or deal with the bullies.

1. Action Events

Death of Dylan’s mother

Reaction

Dylan chooses to be intransigent in a world of his own silence.

Emotional reaction

Dylan is stuck in fear and the pain of grief and uses silence as a way of constructing what he erroneously believes to be a way of being in a safe bubble, and staying close to the pain of loss equals staying close to his mother in a world of his own.

2. Action Event

The bullies are making life unbearable for Dylan,

Reaction

He maintains his silence

Emotional reaction

Dylan is terrified of them.He hides to avoid them which can be seen as a parallel to hiding in silence. He is so frightened that he is probably unable to think of other strategies or risk other strategies to cope.

3. Action event.

A dog with superpowers shows up in an unexpected way in Dylan’s life. He pops up in the garbage skiff where Dylan is hiding.

Reaction

Disbelief and more fear.

Emotional reaction

Initially mistrusts both the dog and his own faculties. Then Alfie wins him over by eliciting Dylan’s sympathy, Alfie is starving. Alfie demonstrates their two-way telepathic capabilities, creating a begining trust with Dylan.

4. Action event.

Steve Dylan’s Dad comes home and gets angry with Dylan and the dog.

Reaction

Dylan now has to cope with caring for the dog and the mess he has made, and his father’s anger, Dylan is unable to communicate the circumstances.

Emotional reaction

Dylan is becoming more concerned about the dog’s sorry state. Not just isolated with his own sad state. He feels confused about what to do with communicating with his Dad. Dylan is upset about the prospect of losing Alfie.

5. Action event

Dylan finds out via telepathic communication and his interaction with Alfie in the bathtub that Alfie is homeless and has been starving for some time.

Reaction

Even though Dylans has just endured his father’s wrath, he risks taking Alfie into the kitchen and raids the family fridge of most of its contents to feed Alfie

Emotional Reaction

Dylan cares about Alfie, he is thinking about someone other than himself. He is willing to take a risk with possible negative consequences, more of Dad’s anger, by caring in a practical way for Alfie and feeding him the family groceries.

6. Action event

Alfie coaches Dylan to draw pictures as a possible way of communicating his troubles to his father.

Reaction

Dylan agrees to make the pictures as a way to solve the problems, getting his Dad to understand.

Emotional reaction

Dylan’s dad fails to notice the pictures that have been left out for him. Dylan reacts by feeling hopeless and sad and believes his Dad does not care about him. He believes he is more interested in Elizabeth.

7. Action event

Dylan encounters the bully boys at the park, he is very anxious about what might happen next.

Reaction

Dylan holds back with Alfie. The boys approach and to Dylan’s surprise, the boys want to make friends with his dog. Dylan notices that the alpha bully boy holds back and wonders why.

Emotional reaction

Dylan goes through up and down emotions, first apprehensive, then relief and surprise, perhaps hopeful that he can make friends with the boys. He wonders about the Alpha bully.

8. Action event

Dylan observes his friend Daisy being locked in the school cellar by Elizabeth.

Reaction

Dylan adopts a superhero mode with Alfie’s encouragement, Dylan finds his Dad and drags him to the school to rescue Daisy. Dylan uses his first words in two years, Daisy.

Emotional reaction

At first, Dylan does not know what to do, he is confused and frustrated by his own no-talking rule. As Alfie encourages him to become a hero, Dylan feels proud and brave.

9.Action event

At the school, Dylan gets his Dad to fetch Elizabeth to unlock the door. Daisy is scared of Elizabeth. Daisy pretends that it was an accident and takes responsibility for being locked in the cellar.

Reaction

Dylan’s Dad gets annoyed, feels Dylan is causing trouble. The possibility of boarding school is brought up for the first time.

Emotional reaction

Dylan is horrified, Dylan implodes.

10 Action event

Steve and Dylan have an interview with Elizabeth at the school. Steve Agrees to take the application form home for the boarding school.

Action event

11. On the way home, Steve says he is seriously considering boarding school.

Reaction.

Dylan runs away from his Dad and hides in the garbage skiff.

Emotional reaction

Dylan implodes, feeling shocked, abandoned unloved, and unsafe, he attempts further isolation in the garbage skiff.

12. Action Event

Dylan is eventually found by Alfie. Steve finds Alfie and Dylan and clears the air re misunderstanding of Dylan’s troubles

Reaction

Dylan mistrusts Alfie to begin with, then Alfie enlightens Dylan as to the misunderstanding between him and his Dad and explains that talking could have avoided the whole mess.

Emotional reaction

Frightened Dylan, feels hopeless about how to get out of his predicament. He has an epiphany as the result of Dylan’s actions are reviewed with Alfie. Dylan is relieved when his Dad arrives.

13,

Action event

Dylan hears his Dad phoning the school board and reporting Elizabeth,

Reaction

Dylan is very relieved.

Emotional reaction

Dylan expresses his love for his Dad with a hug. Dylan is feeling protected and safer.

14 Action event

Alfie and Dylan spend time together with Alfie and Dylan still communicating telepathically.

Reaction Dylan draws a picture of Alfie and Dylan together and draws a heart around the picture.

Reaction

Dylan decides to try one more time. He gives the picture to his Dad.

Steve says the dog can stay until New Year if Dylan works on speaking again.

Emotional reaction

Dylan hugs his Dad and Alfie. Inside he is troubled as he does not know if he can speak again.

Alfie encourages Dylan with coaching and confidence.

15 Action event

On the day of the school concert, Dad and Dylan observe the school alpha bully being pushed, smacked, and verbally abused by his mother.

Reaction

Steve suggests Dylan try to make friends with the boy.

Emotional reaction

Dylan feels sorry for the boy but is still ambivalent about approaching him.

16 Action event

Dylan Alfie and Steve go for a walk, Dylan uses his special sign language to indicate he wants to go to the bakery.

Reaction

Dylan likes the very friendly baker., and thinks she would make a good girlfriend for his Dad.

Emotional reaction

Happiness due to the Christmas season, the baker, the goodies, and spending time with his Dad.

17.

Action event

All, including the baker, go for a walk on the seafront to have hot chocolate and enjoy the Christmas display.

Reaction

Dylan uses his words, a whole sentence to express joy for the Christmas tree

Emotional reaction

Dylan is feeling secure and therefore able to risk. He is happy and feels connectedness to his people.

DILEMMA

ORIGINAL Dylan feels safe not talking, and close to his bereaved mother’s death, e also feels hopeless/joyless trying to deal with everything going wrong in his life. Alfie coaches him toward happiness.

NEW

Dylan wants to stay silent, he feels closer to his departed mother, he feels safe and lonely, until things go very wrong in his outside world, pushing him to make a choice he does not want to make.

THEME Metaphorphasis.

The way forward is through letting go of the illusion of safety. The relentless forces of the outside world make Dylan’s changes almost inevitable. Finding the way through grief to live again with the help of his dog, friends, and his Dad, he has to give up his cocoon of silence and deal with life

CHANGES TO BEATS PASS 5

BEATS

1. OPENING

EXT.VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY

DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.

CHANGE

DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.

Dylan is terrified of the bully boys. He hides to avoid them which can be seen as a parallel to hiding in silence. He is so frightened that he is probably unable to think of other strategies or risk other strategies to cope. As the boys pursue Dylan, they call him names including “Dummy boy, Dumbo.”

2. INCITING INCIDENT

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.

CHANGE

Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.

A dog with superpowers shows up in an unexpected way. He pops up in the garbage skiff where Dylan is hiding.

Reaction

Disbelief and more fear.

Emotional reaction

Initially mistrusts both the dog and his own faculties. Then Alfie wins him over by eliciting Dylan’s sympathy, Alfie is starving. Alfie demonstrates their two-way telepathic capabilities, creating some trust with Dylan.

INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

The bully boys give up. Dylan emerges from under the trash; he hears noises, very scared he starts to cry, and then a dirty scruffy huge all-black Newfoundland (ALFIE) emerges with the fish and chip newspaper wrapping in his mouth. Dylan screams and cowers in fear. Alfie speaks telepathically to Dylan

CHANGE

contd. bursting Dylan’s protective bubble with two way telepathic communication

FIRST TURNING POINT

ORIGINAL VERSION

Alfie wins Dylan over with his telepathic superpowers. They go home to find a starving Alfie food.

NEW VERSION

Dylan is shocked when Alfie talks to him telepathically and refuses to believe it’s happening. Alfie wins Dylan over by explaining that they have to leave or get caught by the bullies. He elicits Dylan’s empathy by explaining he is starving and needs food. (this is the start of taking Dylan out of a selfish type of isolation. Dylan rebels at Alfie’s suggestion to get raw scraps of meat at the butcher shop and takes Alfie home for food and a bath. Dylan mistakenly thinks they have time before his father arrives home from work.

INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/DAY ORIGINAL

Steve returns earlier than expected coming home to find a big mess. Dylan is discovered washing Alfie in the bathtub. Steve tells Dylan they cannot keep the dog. Steve is annoyed as Elizabeth the teacher was to come over for supper, now the house is muddy and smells like a dog. Steve says Alfie can only stay for the night.

CHANGE

Steve returns earlier than expected coming home to find a big mess. Dylan is discovered washing Alfie in the bathtub.

Steve shouts at Dylan telling his son that the stress of his silence is causing Steve grief and the dog is the last straw.

Reaction

Dylan now has to cope with caring for the dog and the mess he has made, and his father’s anger, Dylan is unable to communicate the circumstances.

Emotional reaction

Dylan is becoming more concerned about the dog’s sorry state. Not just isolated with his own sad state. He feels confused about what to do with communicating with his Dad. Dylan is upset about the prospect of losing Alfie.

While Dylan is bathing Alfie there is a two-way telepathic conversation revealing that Alfie is a homeless dog, and underneath his big furry coat he is skin and bones, Dylan expresses affection and caring for Alfie, and raids most of the contents of the family fridge to give him a good feed, risking more of his Dad’s wrath.

SECOND TURNING POINT ORIGINAL

INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

Elizabeth suggests that the answer to Steve’s problems and the impediment to their continued relationship is to send Dylan to a boarding school. Steve dumps an angry Elizabeth

THIRD TURNING POINT

ORIGINAL

INT.DYLAN’S BEDROOM/DAY

Alfie encourages Dylan to try to communicate with his Dad about his troubles with bullies and the mean Miss Perkins by using pictures,

Steve runs out of the house in the morning as he is late for his bus route. He does not see the pictures. Dylan takes his pictures away believing that his Dad is not interested.

CHANGE

.Alfie encourages Dylan to try to communicate with his Dad about his troubles with bullies and the mean Miss Perkins using drawings

Emotional reaction

Dylan’s dad fails to notice the pictures that have been left out for him. Dylan reacts by feeling hopeless and sad and believes his Dad does not care about him. He believes he is more interested in Elizabeth.

CHANGE NEW ADDITIONS

EXT.PARK/EARLY MORNING

Before school, Dylan and Alfie go to the park to play. They see the bully boys walking towards them. Dylan is apprehensive. All of the boys but one, want to come and meet Alfie. The alpha bully hangs back scared of Alfie.

CHANGE

Emotional reaction

Dylan goes through up and down emotions, first apprehensive, then relief and surprise, perhaps hopeful that he can make friends with the boys. He wonders about the Alpha bully.

CRISIS

INT.SCHOOL/MORNING

Dylan observes his friend Daisy. Elizabeth is locking her into the school cellar. Dylan runs away from the school finding his Dad on his bus driving route.

CHANGE

INT.STEVE”S BUS/DAY

Dylan boards the bus. He makes a fuss. Steve is frustrated as he cannot understand what is going on. Finally, Dylan says “Help Daisy, help Daisy.

Reaction

Dylan adopts a superhero mode with Alfie’s encouragement, Dylan finds his Dad and drags him to the school to rescue Daisy. Dylan uses his first words in two years

Emotional reaction

At first, Dylan does not know what to do, he is confused and frustrated by his own no-talking rule. As Alfie encourages him to become a hero, Dylan feels proud and brave.

INT.SCHOOL/DAY

Dylan and Steve go to the cellar door, they can hear Daisy crying. Steve fetches the school principal. Steve informs the school principal that Elizabeth locked Daisy in the cellar. Elizabeth comes running, and with evil looks at Daisy intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for locking herself in the cellar.

CHANGE

Dylan and Steve go to the cellar door, they can hear Daisy crying. Steve fetches the school principal. Steve informs the school principal that Elizabeth locked Daisy in the cellar. Elizabeth comes running, and with evil looks at Daisy intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for locking herself in the cellar.

Reaction

Dylan’s Dad gets annoyed, feels Dylan is causing trouble. The possibility of boarding school is brought up for the first time.

Emotional reaction

Dylan is horrified, Dylan implodes. Steve doubts his ability to help Dylan.

CLIMAX

INT.DYLAN”S SCHOOLROOM/DAY

CHANGES

INT.DYLAN’S SCHOOLROOM/DAY

Steve has been summoned to an interview at Dylan’s school, Elizabeth says Dylan is in trouble again for fighting. This is a lie. Steve agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home.

Action event

11. On the way home, Steve says he is seriously considering boarding school.

Reaction.

Dylan runs away from his Dad and hides in the garbage skiff.

Emotional reaction

Dylan implodes, feeling shocked, abandoned unloved, and unsafe, he attempts further isolation in the garbage skiff.

INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve is pacing the floor, he calls the village police and tells them Dylan has run away.

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s drawings and whines and barks until Steve looks at them.

Steve sees the pictures of abuse at the school and finally the penny drops. Steve looks at Alfie and asks him to find Dylan.

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/NIGHT

Alfie barks and steers Steve to the garbage skiff where Alfie and Dylan originally met. Steve lifts the lid on the skiff where he finds Dylan.

Action Event

When Steve finds Alfie and Dylan and clears the air re misunderstanding of Dylan’s troubles

Reaction

Dylan mistrusts Alfie, to begin with, then Alfie enlightens Dylan as to the misunderstanding between him and his Dad and explains that talking could have avoided the whole mess.

Emotional reaction

Frightened Dylan, feels hopeless about how to get out of his predicament. He has an epiphany as the result of Dylan’s actions are reviewed with Alfie. Dylan is relieved when his Dad arrives.

INT. AT THE COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve phones the school board, reports his concerns, and tells his son not to worry he is not going to the boarding school, he apologizes for not understanding or believing Dylan

CHANGES

Action event

Dylan hears his Dad phoning the school board and reporting Elizabeth,

Reaction

Dylan is very relieved.

Emotional reaction

Dylan expresses his love for his Dad with a hug. Dylan is feeling protected and safer.

RESOLUTION

INT.THE COTTAGE/MORNING

Steve calls the pound. No one has claimed Alfie. Steve says If Aflie makes Dylan happy and gets him to start talking, he can keep him until New Year. But only till New Year.

INT.DYLAN’S ROOM/MORNING.

Alfie spends more time with Dylan explaining how important it was for him to speak, he saved Daisy from the cellar. He also talks to him about loving his mother and making his mother happy by talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still silent. He draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad.

CHANGE

Reaction

Alfie spends more time with Dylan explaining how important it was for him to speak, he saved Daisy from the cellar. He also talks to him about loving his mother and making his mother happy by talking and enjoying his life.

Dylan decides to try one more time. He draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad. Steve says the dog can stay until New Year if Dylan works on speaking again.

Emotional reaction

Dylan hugs his Dad and Alfie. Inside he is troubled as he does not know if he can speak again.

Alfie encourages Dylan with coaching and confidence.

CHANGE NEW BEAT ADDED

EXT. SCHOOL/DAY

It’s the day of the school Christmas concert. Dylan and Steve are walking from the parking area towards the school with many other parents. Dylan points to the alpha bully boy being smacked and pushed by the bully’s mother.

Emotional Reaction

Dylan feels sorry for the bully boy. Steve points out that this is how he has learned to bully. Dylan wonders if the bully is lonely.

INT.VILLAGE BAKERY/AFTERNOON

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery.

They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey the baker for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

Action event

Dylan Alfie and Steve go for a walk,

CHANGE

Emotional reaction

Dylan likes the very friendly baker., and thinks she would make a good girlfriend for his Dad.

Happiness due to the Christmas season, the baker, the goodies, and spending time with his Dad.

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET NEAR SEA FRONT/NIGHT

Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “The tree Dad, it’s like Christmas magic..”

Steve says ” I guess Alfie is staying, our forever dog”

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Changes 3 and 4 added to BEATS

What I learned from this assignment. The addition of these perspectives amplified the conflict and fleshed out the meaning of the story. These perspectives also gave the secondary lead character a stronger profile.

Tell us your concept.

It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of wicked events. The loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother. saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a ‘special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher.) Alfie saves the magic and joy of Christmas by introducing a very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love interest,

CHANGE and Dylan emerges from his egocentric experience of grief to a maturing empathic way of relating to others.

2. Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:

The Emotional Dilemma is; should Dylan speak and burst out of his protective and self-centered (he is causing his Dad enormous distress) bubble of silence and grief where he believes he has control, or give up the illusion of control and the delusion of trying to maintain a sort of closeness to his dead mother and cope with the sometimes harsh realities of life and conversely the closeness of others. METAMORPHOSIS

A. How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?

The emotional dilemma first shows up when Dylan encounters Alfie who succeeds in two-way communication with an annoyed Dylan via telepathy. Soon Dylan responds to Alfie in a positive way, rescuing Dylan and Dylan rescuing Alfie.

B. How are both sides of the issue built up?

The issues are built up when Steve, Dylan’s Dad first encounters Alfie, Dylan is getting attached. Alfie is eliciting a caring attitude from Dylan as the dog is starving, dirty and homeless. Steve’s Dad however is annoyed at the mess and the disruption of plans and says he can only have Alfie for one night and then Alfie has to go to the pound.

C. When does the protagonist make the choice?

Dylan first breaks his silence in the cause of helping his friend Daisy. It did not succeed as Dylan did not follow the initial disclosure of Daisy’s abuse with speaking up on her behalf. Alfie coaches him towards another form of communicating using pictures, this also fails initially.

D. What do they lose in making that choice?

Dylan is still a child and is coping with the loss of his mother by staying in an intimate bubble of silent grief, he feels it a sort of closeness to his dead mother, he is not relating to the outside world in a functional way.

3. Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions:

The theme is maturation, giving up the attachment to his bubble of silence and some feeling of control, coming out of the bubble-like a chrysalis that has transformed and is able to interact with people and his new dog in a fuller way, allowing him to experience happiness and a greater sense of belonging.

A. What are both sides of your theme?

The outside world is making demands on Dylan. His Dad wants a relationship, and less drama in dealing with Dylan’s silence. The school, his friends, and his enemies try to provoke him into speaking, and there is the threat of a special boarding school far away from his village seaside home.

Dylan on the other hand is very reluctant, stubborn even in maintaining himself in silence. Eventually, he learns to come out of his chrysalis state in order to get what he wants, to stay at his home village, to be close to his Dad, to keep the dog, and to ensure his Dad’s potential relationships meet with his approval.

B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?

Both sides show up through conflict situations mostly. Dylan has to deal with being bullied, he has to communicate effectively with his Dad, and he has to protect his friend Daisy. These conflicts show up in bullying in the village in the school, and the abuse of his friend Dasiy. His Dad is getting more and more frustrated and even considers the boarding school.

C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?

The climax of the story is in several vignettes where Dylan has to make choices and in the end shows Dylan speaking a whole sentence to his Dad to express joy.

4. In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process. List out your outline as you did in Day 7, with slug lines and the essence for each scene.

SILENT NIGHT

CONCEPT

It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of unpleasant events, the loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan, helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother, saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a ‘special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Elizabeth Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher), luckily Alfie saves the magic and joy of the Christmas by introducing the very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love. interest.

CHANGE Dylan emerges from his egocentric experience of grief to a maturing empathic way of relating to others.

Drama, 3 ACT Screenplay. 4 characters

LEAD CHARACTERS

DYLAN

Dylan is a 13-year-old boy, He is selectively totally mute since the death of his mother two years ago. With the help of Alfie, (dog) he overcomes bullying and the scheming of his evil teacher who wants to send him to boarding school, eventually, he starts to speak again. His struggle is both internal and external.

ALFIE

Alfie is an all-black Newfoundland stray dog. He has telepathic powers, enabling him to have conversations with Dylan. Alfie is Dylan’s life coach.

STEVE

Steve is Dylan’s Dad. He is the village bus driver, volunteer fireman, and local hero, He loves his son, and is at wit’s end trying to get Dylan to open up and start talking. He sometimes dates Elizabeth, Dylan’s grade 5 teacher (Dylan’s nemesis.)

ELIZABETH PERKINS’s newly expanded role

Dylan’s teacher an evil piece of work who covertly abuses the school children and makes Dylan’s life hell. In the story NEW Steve dumps her. She becomes enraged and steps up her nasty behavior towards Dylan.

THE DRAMATIC QUESTION

Original Will Dylan ever speak again

NEW

Will Dylan ever speak again, or will he remain an isolated victim stuck in a silent bubble of grief for his mother?

DILEMMA

ORIGINAL Dylan feels safe not talking, and close to his bereaved mother’s death, e also feels hopeless/joyless trying to deal with everything going wrong in his life. Alfie coaches him toward happiness.

NEW

Dylan wants to stay silent, he feels closer to his departed mother, he feels safe and lonely, until things go very wrong in his outside world, pushing him to make a choice he does not want to make.

THEME Metaphorphasis. STAYING WITH THIS FORMAT

The way forward is through letting go of the illusion of safety. The relentless forces of the outside world make Dylan’s changes almost inevitable. Finding the way through grief to live again with the help of his dog, friends, and his Dad, he has to give up his cocoon of silence and deal with life

Main Conflict(s) changes Original concept was an internal conflict with regard to Dylan speaking or not speaking and his increased difficulties managing his school life.

New conflicts

Steve becomes more assertive with regard to Dylan’s problems. He takes the lead and dumps Elizabeth, (after her suggestion of boarding school.) This enrages her and escalates her abuse at the school. Dylan and Alfie get into more scrapes and rebellion.

Dramatic Question(s) Will Dylan ever speak again NEW, How will Dylan stop the bullies?

Dilemma: Dylan feels safe not talking, and close to his bereaved mother’s death, NEW he also feels hopeless/joyless trying to deal with everything going wrong in his life. Alfie coaches him toward happiness.

New. He does not want to let his mother go If Dylan does not speak again he may lose Alfie, he will not be able to communicate effectively to stop or expose the escalating abuse at school, (now that his Dad has dumped an enraged Elizabeth.)

CHANGES TO BEATS PASS 4

BEATS

1. OPENING

EXT.VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY

DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.

CHANGE

As the boys pursue Dylan, they call him names including “Dummy boy, Dumbo.”

2. INCITING INCIDENT

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.

INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

The bully boys give up. Dylan emerges from under the trash; he hears noises, very scared he starts to cry, and then a dirty scruffy huge all-black Newfoundland (ALFIE) emerges with the fish and chip newspaper wrapping in his mouth. Dylan screams and cowers in fear. Alfie speaks telepathically to Dylan

CHANGE

contd. bursting Dylan’s protective bubble with two way telepathic communication

FIRST TURNING POINT

ORIGINAL VERSION

Alfie wins Dylan over with his telepathic superpowers. They go home to find a starving Alfie food.

NEW VERSION

Dylan is shocked when Alfie talks to him telepathically and refuses to believe it’s happening. Alfie wins Dylan over by explaining that they have to leave or get caught by the bullies. He elicits Dylan’s empathy by explaining he is starving and needs food. (this is the start of taking Dylan out of a selfish type of isolation.) Dylan rebels at Alfie’s suggestion to get raw scraps of meat at the butcher shop and takes Alfie home for food and a bath. Dylan mistakenly thinks they have time before his father arrives home from work.

CHANGE

(this is the start of taking Dylan out of a selfish type of isolation.)

INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/DAY ORIGINAL

Steve returns earlier than expected coming home to find a big mess. Dylan is discovered washing Alfie in the bathtub. Steve tells Dylan they cannot keep the dog. Steve is annoyed as Elizabeth the teacher was to come over for supper, now the house is muddy and smells like a dog. Steve says Alfie can only stay for the night. Steve begs Dylan to speak and explain what is going on.

CHANGE

Steve shouts at Dylan telling his son that the stress of his silence is causing Steve grief and the dog is the last straw.

CHANGE

<font color=”#4d5c6d” face=”SF UI Text, sans-serif”>While Dylan is bathing Alfie there is a two-way telepathic conversation revealing that Alfie is a homeless dog, and underneath his big furry coat he is skin and bones, Dylan expresses affection and caring for Alfie, and raids most of the contents of the family fridge to give him a good feed, risking more of his Dad’s wrath.</font>

SECOND TURNING POINT ORIGINAL

INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

Elizabeth suggests that the answer to Steve’s problems and the impediment to their continued relationship is to send Dylan to a boarding school.

CHANGE

Steve dumps an angry Elizabeth

THIRD TURNING POINT

ORIGINAL NO CHANGE

INT.DYLAN’S BEDROOM/DAY

Alfie encourages Dylan to try to communicate with his Dad about his troubles with bullies and the mean Miss Perkins using pictures,

Steve runs out of the house in the morning as he is late for his bus route. He does not see the pictures. Dylan takes his pictures away believing that his Dad is not interested.

CHANGE NEW ADDITIONS

EXT.PARK/EARLY MORNING

Before school, Dylan and Alfie go to the park to play. They see the bully boys walking towards them. Dylan is apprehensive. All of the boys but one, want to come and meet Alfie. The alpha bully hangs back scared of Alfie.

CRISIS

INT.SCHOOL/MORNING

Dylan observes his friend Daisy. Elizabeth is locking her into the school cellar. Dylan runs away from the school finding his Dad on his bus driving route.

INT.STEVE”S BUS/DAY

Dylan boards the bus. He makes a fuss. Steve is frustrated as he cannot understand what is going on. Finally, Dylan says “Help Daisy, help Daisy.”

INT.SCHOOL/DAY

Dylan and Steve go to the cellar door, they can hear Daisy crying. Steve fetches the school principal. Steve informs the school principal that Elizabeth locked Daisy in the cellar. Elizabeth comes running, and with evil looks at Daisy intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for locking herself in the cellar.

CHANGE

On the way home Steve expresses his anger. He feels Dylan has made a fool of him, and all because he will not speak. Steve doubts his ability to help Dylan.

CLIMAX

INT.DYLAN”S SCHOOLROOM/DAY

Steve has an interview at Dylan’s school, He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home. Elizabeth continues to flirt with Steve. Steve is not entirely comfortable with Elisabeth’s moves

CHANGES

INT.DYLAN’S SCHOOLROOM/DAY

Steve has been summoned to an interview at Dylan’s school, Elizabeth says Dylan is in trouble again for fighting. This is a lie. Steve agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home.

EXT.VILLAGE STREET/DAY

On the way home, Steve takes the side of Elizabeth and says they should very seriously consider the boarding school as Dylan is creating trouble and Steve cannot figure out how to help him, he is feeling at his wit’s end. Dylan breaks away from his father and runs off. Steve cannot find Dylan.

CHANGE ADDITIONS

EXT.VILLAGE STREETS/EVENING

Dylan breaks away from his father and runs off. Steve cannot find Dylan.

INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve is pacing the floor, he calls the village police and tells them Dylan has run away.

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s drawings and whines and barks until Steve looks at them.

Steve sees the pictures of abuse at the school and finally the penny drops. Steve looks at Alfie and asks him to find Dylan.

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/NIGHT

Alfie barks and steers Steve to the garbage skiff where Alfie and Dylan originally met. Steve lifts the lid on the skiff where he finds Dylan.

INT. AT THE COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve phones the school board, reports his concerns, and tells his son not to worry he is not going to the boarding school, he apologizes for not understanding or believing Dylan

RESOLUTION

INT.THE COTTAGE/MORNING

Steve calls the pound Dylan. No one has claimed Alfie. Steve says If Aflie makes Dylan happy and gets him to start talking, he can keep him until New Year. But only till New Year.

INT.DYLAN’S ROOM/MORNING.

Alfie spends more time with Dylan explaining how important it was for him to speak, he saved Daisy from the cellar. He also talks to him about loving his mother and making his mother happy by talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still silent. He draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad.

CHANGE NEW BEAT

EXT. SCHOOL/DAY

It’s the day of the school Christmas concert. Dylan and Steve are walking from the parking area towards the school with many other parents. Dylan points to the alpha bully boy being smacked and pushed by the bully’s mother.

INT.VILLAGE BAKERY/AFTERNOON

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery.

They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey baker for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET NEAR SEA FRONT/NIGHT

Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “The tree Dad, it’s like Christmas magic..”

Steve says ” I guess Alfie is staying, our forever dog.”

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2. Day 9

What I learned from this assignment was that carefully reviewing the necessary questions illustrate that the Dramatic Question was introduced far too late in the script..

1. Tell us your concept.

It’s Christmas in an English village; a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie, with telepathic superpowers, befriends (a lonely, bullied mute 13-year-old Dylan), traumatized by his mother’s death, the loving relationship between the dog and Dylan, help the boy to speak again saving him from being sent away to a special school engineered by his Dad’s covertly evil girlfriend; instead, Alfie and Dylan introduce Dad, Steve to a new love interest just in time for Christmas

2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:

DRAMATIC QUESTION Will Dylan speak ever again?

A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?

THE QUESTION GETS ESTABLISHED AT THE END OF THE INCITING INCIDENT WHEN ALFIE TALKS TELEPATHICALLY TO DYLAN CHALLENGING HIS SILENCE.

CHANGE MADE; OPENING BOYS CALL HIM DUMMY, DYLAN CAN’T TALK, CAN’T TELL IF WE BEAT THE SNOT OUT OF HIM ETC.

1. OPENING

DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.

CALLING DYLAN NAMES.

<font color=”#0000ff”>QUESTION 3 MAIN CONFLICT (S) SHOW UP HERE CONFLICTS ARE SIMULTANEOUSLY INNER AND OUTER. EXTERIOR ENVIRONMENTAL STRESSORS IE TEACHER, AND BULLIES, INTERIOR MAINTAINING A BUBBLE OF SILENCE TO DEAL WITH GRIEF, AND USING PAIN TO STAY CLOSE TO HIS MOTHER.</font>

2. INCITING INCIDENT

Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.

The boys give up. Dylan emerges from under the trash; he hears noises, very scared he starts to cry, and then a dirty scruffy huge all-black Newfoundland (ALFIE) emerges with the fish and chip newspaper wrapping in his mouth. Dylan screams and cowers in fear. Alfie speaks telepathically to Dylan. QUESTION 1 B IS SUPPORTED HERE.

QUESTION 3 DYLANS CONFLICT TO SPEAK OR NOT TO SPEAK IS BROKEN OPEN HERE AS ALFIE CAN BREAKTHROUGH WITH HIS TELEPATHIC SUPERPOWERS.</font>

3. FIRST TURNING POINT

Alfie convinces Dylan they can communicate telepathically. In order to avoid the bully boys, and feed a very hungry Alfie they go to Dylan’s house.

MIDPOINT

INT. DYLAN/STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY

Steve comes home to discover chaos. Dylan wants to keep the dog. Steve allows the dog to stay for one night. His girlfriend(Dylan’s school teacher) was to visit for dinner, this is now impossible.

QUESTION 1 B ESCALATION STEVE CAN NOT GET AN ANSWER OUT OF DYLAN AS TO WHAT IS GOING ON. STEVE HAS TO DEDUCT FOR HIMSELF AND PROBLEM SOLVE ACCORDINGLY. STEVE EXPRESSES FRUSTRATION

Dylan wants to keep the dog. Steve allows the dog to stay for one night. His girlfriend(Dylan’s school teacher) was to visit for dinner, this is now impossible. Subtext GF would find the chaos unacceptable.

SECOND TURNING POINT END ACT 2

INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

At dinner, Steve and Elizabeth Perkins discuss Elizabeth’s suggestion of sending Dylan away to a boarding school.

QUESTION 1 B IS ESCALATED HERE WITH THE THREAT OF BOARDING SCHOOL TO DEAL WITH DYLAN’S REFUSING TO SPEAK.

TURNING POINT 2

INT. SCHOOL/DAY

Alfie convinces Dylan to draw pictures as a way of communicating the abuse that is taking place at the school. Steve fails to discover them. Elizabeth summons Steve to the school to discuss Dylan’s part in bullying and presents paperwork for the boarding school

QUESTION 1 B ESCALATION CONTINUED; THE THREAT OF BOARDING SCHOOL BECOMES MORE REAL, AND STEVE’S ABILITY TO BE AN EFFECTIVE FATHER IS CHALLENGED. HIS SORT OF GIRLFRIEND INDICATES THAT DYLAN AND HIS PROBLEMS ARE NOT SUITABLE FOR A CONTINUED RELATIONSHIP.

INT.DYLAN/STEVESCOTTAGE/DAY

Dylan reclaims his drawings believing his Dad does not care. Steve announces Alfie can stay one more night and then he must go to the pound.

CLIMAX

EXT. HIGHSTREET BAKERY/DAY BOILING POINT

Dylan uses his mime language to convince Dad and Alfie to go for a walk. They go to the bakery where Steve meets the baker. Alfie tells Dylan telepathically that she would be a much better companion for his Dad. Walking home, Steve breaks the news to Dylan about the boarding school. Dylan is in shock. Steve says he is at wit’s end and does not know what to do for Dylan. Alfie talks to Dylan about not talking.

QUESTION 3 MAIN CONFLICT ESCALATED AS DYLAN IS PRESENTED WITH AN EXTERNAL STRESSOR TO HIS DILEMMA, THE THREAT OF BOARDING SCHOOL DUE TO HIS CHOICE OF NOT TALKING.</font>

QUESTION 1 B CONTINUED ESCALATED THREAT OF NOT TALKING. DYLAN IS INFORMED THAT BOARDING SCHOOL IS AN OPTION.

INT.SCHOOL HALLWAY/DAY

Dylan observes Elizabeth locking his friend Daisy in the school cellar. Dylan runs away from the school and fetches his Dad. Dylan utters his first word “Daisy.” When they arrive at the school and find her in the cellar, Elizabeth convinces Steve and intimidates Daisy into believing Daisy locked herself in the cellar.

QUESTION 3 DYLAN BEGINS TO RESOLVE HIS DILEMMA OUT OF CONCERN FOR HIS FRIEND WHICH MOVES HIS PROBLEM FROM A CHILDLIKE EGOCENTRISM TO AN EXTERNAL EMPATHY FOR SOMEONE ELSE. DYLAN IS ONLY ABLE TO COMMUNICATE MINIMALLY, SO THE FRIEND IS STILL IN A POSITION OF BEING INTIMIDATED.</font>

INT.DYLAN”S HOUSE/DAY

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s pictures inside and takes them, to Steve. Steve looks at them in disbelief and then he sees the picture of Miss Perkins(Elizabeth) standing on the school steps smiling while the boys chase Dylan. Steve talks to Dylan about the pictures and how upset Dylan must be. He praises Dylan for rescuing Daisy and says he will take care of things. Dylan uses a few words to describe the pictures.

QUESTION 3 DYLAN CONTINUES TO RESOLVE HIS MAIN CONFLICT THROUGH AN INCREMENTAL RISK OF TALKING TO HIS DAD ABOUT THE PICTURES

EXT.HIGHSTREET.DAY

Dylan takes Alfie for a walk. Alfie explains how important it was for him to speak, talks to him about his mother’s happiness by Dylan talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still mostly silent. Later, he draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad. Steve says if Alfie can continue to help Dylan talk, he can stay

QUESTION 3 MAIN CONFLICT DYLAN REGRESSES TO USING PICTURES AND NOT TALKING TO COMMUNICATE</font>

QUESTION 1 B CONTINUED. DYLAN’S CHOICE TO NOT TALK MAY CAUSE HIM TO LOSE HIS NEW FRIEND ALF

RESOLUTION

EXT.HIGH STREET/EVENING

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery.

They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “ look, Dad, Christmas magic.” END

QUESTION C THE DRAMATIC QUESTION IS ANSWERED IN THE LAST LINE OF DIALOGUE OF THE MOVIE.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Version 2 Exchange for feedback

SILENT NIGHT

CONCEPT STAYS THE SAME

It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of unpleasant events, the loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan, helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother, saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a ‘special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Elizabeth Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher), luckily Alfie saves the magic and joy of the Christmas by introducing the very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love. interest..

Drama, 3 ACT Screenplay. 4 characters

LEAD CHARACTERS

DYLAN

Dylan is a 13-year-old boy, He is selectively totally mute since the death of his mother two years ago. With the help of Alfie, (dog) he overcomes bullying and the scheming of his evil teacher who wants to send him to boarding school, eventually, he starts to speak again. His struggle is both internal and external.

ALFIE

Alfie is an all-black Newfoundland stray dog. He has telepathic powers, enabling him to have conversations with Dylan. Alfie is Dylan’s life coach.

STEVE

Steve is Dylan’s Dad. He is the village bus driver, volunteer fireman, and local hero, He loves his son, and is at wit’s end trying to get Dylan to open up and start talking. He sometimes dates Elizabeth, Dylan’s grade 5 teacher (Dylan’s nemesis.)

ELIZABETH PERKINS newly expanded role

Dylan’s teacher an evil piece of work who covertly abuses the school children and makes Dylan’s life hell. In the story NEW Steve dumps her. She becomes enraged and steps up her nasty behavior towards Dylan.

THE DRAMATIC QUESTION

Original Will Dylan ever speak again NEW, How will Dylan stop the bullies?

NEW

Will Dylan ever speak again, or will he remain an isolated victim stuck in a silent bubble of grief for his mother?

DILEMMA

ORIGINAL Dylan feels safe not talking, and close to his bereaved mother’s death, e also feels hopeless/joyless trying to deal with everything going wrong in his life. Alfie coaches him toward happiness.

NEW

Dylan wants to stay silent, he feels closer to his departed mother, he feels safe and lonely, until things go very wrong in his outside world, pushing him to make a choice he does not want to make.

THEME Metaphorphasis. STAYING WITH THIS VERSION

The way forward is through letting go of the illusion of safety. The relentless forces of the outside world make Dylan’s changes almost inevitable. Finding the way through grief to live again with the help of his dog, friends, and his Dad, he has to give up his cocoon of silence and deal with life

Main Conflict(s) changes Original concept was an internal conflict with regard to Dylan speaking or not speaking and his increased difficulties managing his school life.

New conflicts

Steve becomes more assertive with regard to Dylan’s problems. He takes the lead and dumps Elizabeth, (after her suggestion of boarding school.) This enrages her and escalates her abuse at the school.

Dylan and Alfie get into more scrapes and rebellion.

Dramatic Question(s) Will Dylan ever speak again NEW, How will Dylan stop the bullies?

Dilemma: Dylan feels safe not talking, and close to his bereaved mother’s death, NEW he also feels hopeless/joyless trying to deal with everything going wrong in his life. Alfie coaches him toward happiness.

New. He does not want to let his mother go If Dylan does not speak again he may lose Alfie, he will not be able to communicate effectively to stop or expose the escalating abuse at school, (now that his Dad has dumped an enraged Elizabeth.)

BEATS

1. OPENING

EXT.VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY

ORIGINAL NO CHANGE

DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.

2. INCITING INCIDENT NO CHANGE

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY

Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.

INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

The bully boys give up. Dylan emerges from under the trash; he hears noises, very scared he starts to cry, and then a dirty scruffy huge all-black Newfoundland (ALFIE) emerges with the fish and chip newspaper wrapping in his mouth. Dylan screams and cowers in fear. Alfie speaks telepathically to Dylan

FIRST TURNING POINT

ORIGINAL VERSION

Alfie wins Dylan over with his telepathic superpowers. They go home to find a starving Alfie food.

NEW VERSION

Dylan is shocked when Alfie talks to him telepathically and refuses to believe it’s happening. Alfie wins Dylan over by explaining that they have to leave or get caught by the bullies. He elicits Dylan’s empathy by explaining he is starving and needs food. (this is the start of taking Dylan out of a selfish type of isolation.) Dylan rebels at Alfie’s suggestion to get raw scraps of meat at the butcher shop and takes Alfie home for food and a bath. Dylan mistakenly thinks they have time before his father arrives home from work.

.

INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/DAY ORIGINAL

Steve returns earlier than expected. Dylan is discovered washing Alfie in the bathtub. Steve tells Dylan they cannot keep the dog. Steve was annoyed as Elizabeth the teacher was to come over for supper, now the house is muddy and smells like a dog. Steve says Alfie can only stay for the night.

CHANGES

Dylan gets filthy Alfie into the bathtub. He discovers that underneath Alfie’s fur he is all skin and bones. Alfie explains he is a homeless dog.

Steve arrives home to find a big mess. He finds Dylan washing Alfie in the bathtub. Steve tells Dylan they cannot keep the dog. Steve is annoyed as Elizabeth the teacher was to come over for supper, now the house is muddy and smells like a dog. Steve says Alfie can only stay for the night. Steve begs Dylan to speak and explain what is going on.

SECOND TURNING POINT ORIGINAL

INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

Elizabeth suggests that the answer to Steve’s problems and the impediment to their continued relationship is to send Dylan to a boarding school.

NEW CHANGES

Elizabeth suggests that the answer to Steve’s problems and the impediment to their continued relationship is to send Dylan to a boarding school, Steve dumps an angry Elizabeth.

THIRD TURNING POINT

ORIGINAL NO CHANGE

INT.DYLAN’S BEDROOM/DAY

Alfie encourages Dylan to try to communicate with his Dad about abuse at the school using pictures,

Steve runs out of the house in the morning as he is late for his bus route. He does not see the pictures. Dylan takes his pictures away believing that his Dad is not interested.

CHANGE NEW ADDITIONS

EXT.PARK/EARLY MORNING

Before school Dylan and Alfie go to the park to play. They see the bully boys walking towards them. Dylan is apprehensive. All of the boys but one, want to come and meet Alfie. The alpha bully hangs back scared of Alfie.

CRISIS

INT.SCHOOL/MORNING

Dylan observes his friend Daisy. Elizabeth is locking her into the school cellar. Dylan runs away from the school to find his Dad on his bus driving route.

INT.STEVE”S BUS/DAY

Dylan boards the bus. He makes a fuss. Steve is frustrated as he cannot understand what is going on. Finally, Dylan says “Help Daisy, help Daisy.”

INT.SCHOOL/DAY

Dylan and Steve go to the cellar door, they can hear Daisy crying. Steve fetches the school principal. The principal is informed that Elizabeth locked Daisy in the cellar. Elizabeth comes running and with evil looks at Daisy intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for locking herself in the cellar.

CLIMAX

INT.DYLAN”S SCHOOLROOM/DAY

Steve has an interview at Dylan’s school, He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home. Elizabeth continues to flirt with Steve. Steve is not entirely comfortable with Elisabeth’s moves

CHANGES

INT.DYLAN’S SCHOOLROOM/DAY

Steve has been summoned to an interview at Dylan’s school, Elizabeth says Dylan is in trouble again for fighting. This is a lie. Steve agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home.

EXT.VILLAGE STREET/DAY

On the way home, Steve takes the side of Elizabeth and says they should very seriously consider the boarding school as Dylan is creating trouble and Steve cannot figure out how to help him, he is feeling at his wit’s end. Dylan breaks away from his father and runs off. Steve cannot find Dylan.

CHANGE ADDITIONS

EXT.VILLAGE STREETS/EVENING

Dylan breaks away from his father and runs off. Steve cannot find Dylan.

INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve is pacing the floor, he calls the village police and tells them Dylan has run off.

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s drawings and whines and barks until Steve looks at them.

Steve sees the pictures of abuse at the school and finally the penny drops. Steve looks at Alfie and asks him to find Dylan.

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/NIGHT

Alfie barks and steers Steve to the garbage skiff where Alfie and Dylan originally met. Steve lifts the lid on the skiff where he finds Dylan.

INT. AT THE COTTAGE/EVENING

Steve phones the school board, reports his concerns, and tells his son not to worry he is not going to the boarding school, he apologizes for not understanding or believing Dylan

RESOLUTION

INT.THE COTTAGE/MORNING

Steve calls the pound Dylan. No one has claimed Alfie. Steve says If Aflie makes Dylan happy and gets him to start talking, he can keep him until New Year. But only till New Year.

INT.DYLAN’S ROOM/MORNING.

Alfie spends more time with Dylan explaining how important it was for him to speak, he saved Daisy from the cellar. He also talks to him about loving his mother and making his mother happy by talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still silent. He draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad.

INT.VILLAGE BAKERY/AFTERNOON

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery.

They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey baker for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET NEAR SEA FRONT/NIGHT

Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “The tree Dad, it’s like Christmas magic..”

Steve says ” I guess Alfie is staying, our forever dog.”

[anna harper]

Anna Harper SLW Version 2 PARTNER UP FOR FEEDBACK PLEASE

SILENT NIGHT

What I learned from this exercise. Actually, I got confused. When I think of BEATS I think of a script. So, I had already written up to page 10 in full script mode. So I did the exercise with dialogue etc. The next task was to go back again and fix up my mistakes and go back to an original version and add bare-bones beats to that, which is this one Version 2 What I learned from this exercise is not to go running ahead. I was just so excited about the concept and wanted to get the script done

SILENT NIGHT

CONCEPT STAYS THE SAME

It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of unpleasant events, the loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan, helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother, saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a ‘special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher), luckily Alfie saves the magic and joy of the Christmas by introducing the very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love Iinterest

DRAMA

3 ACT Screenplay. 4 characters

LEAD CHARACTERS

DYLAN

Dylan is a 13-year-old boy, He is selectively totally mute since the death of his mother two years ago. With the help of Alfie, (dog) he overcomes bullying and the scheming of his evil teacher who wants to send him to boarding school, eventually, he starts to speak again. His struggle is both internal and external.

ALFIE

Alfie is an all-black Newfoundland stray dog. He has telepathic powers, enabling him to have conversations with Dylan. Alfie is Dylan’s life coach.

STEVE

Steve is Dylan’s Dad. He is the village bus driver, volunteer fireman, and local hero, He loves his son, and is at wit’s end trying to get Dylan to open up and start talking. He sometimes dates Elizabeth, Dylan’s grade 5 teacher (Dylan’s nemesis.)

ELIZABETH PERKINS CHANGES newly expanded role

Dylan’s teacher an evil piece of work who covertly abuses the school children and makes Dylan’s life hell. In the story NEW Steve dumps her. She becomes enraged and steps up her nasty behavior towards Dylan.

THE DRAMATIC QUESTION

Original Will Dylan ever speak again NEW, How will Dylan stop the bullies?

Version 3 NEW

Will Dylan ever speak again, or will he remain an isolated victim stuck in a silent bubble of grief for his mother?

DILEMMA

ORIGINAL Dylan feels safe not talking, and close to his bereaved mother’s death, e also feels hopeless/joyless trying to deal with everything going wrong in his life. Alfie coaches him toward happiness.

CHANGES NEW

Dylan wants to stay silent, he feels closer to his departed mother, he feels safe and lonely, until things go very wrong in his outside world, pushing him to make a choice he does not want to make.

THEME Metaphorphasis. STAYING WITH THIS VERSION

The way forward is through letting go of the illusion of safety. The relentless forces of the outside world make Dylan’s changes almost inevitable. Finding the way through grief to live again with the help of his dog, friends, and his Dad, he has to give up his cocoon of silence and deal with life

Main Conflicts Original concept is an internal conflict with regard to Dylan speaking or not speaking and his increased difficulties managing his school life.

New conflicts

Steve becomes more assertive with regard to Dylan’s problems. He takes the lead and dumps Elizabeth, (after her suggestion of boarding school.) This enrages her and escalates her abuse at the school.

Dylan and Alfie get into more scrapes and rebellion.

Dramatic Question(s) Will Dylan ever speak again NEW, How will Dylan stop the bullies?

Dilemma: Dylan feels safe not talking, and close to his bereaved mother’s death,

CHANGES NEW he also feels hopeless/joyless trying to deal with everything going wrong in his life. Alfie coaches him toward happiness.

He does not want to let his mother go If Dylan does not speak again he may lose Alfie, he will not be able to communicate effectively to stop or expose the escalating abuse at school, (now that his Dad has dumped an enraged Elizabeth.)

1. OPENING

ORIGINAL NO CHANGE

DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, to see a group of boys heading towards him, name-calling and yelling; and then starts to run.

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.

2. INCITING INCIDENT ORIGINAL STAYS AS BEFORE

Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.

The boys give up. Dylan emerges from under the trash; he hears noises, very scared he starts to cry, and then a dirty scruffy huge all-black Newfoundland (ALFIE) emerges with the fish and chip newspaper wrapping in his mouth. Dylan screams and cowers in fear. Alfie speaks telepathically to Dylan

3. FIRST TURNING POINT

ORIGINAL VERSION

Alfie wins Dylan over with his telepathic superpowers. They go home to find a starving Alfie food.

NEW VERSION

Dylan is shocked when Alfie talks to him telepathically and refuses to believe it’s happening. Alfie wins Dylan over by explaining that they have to leave or get caught by the bullies. He elicits Dylan’s empathy by explaining he is starving and needs food. (this is the start of taking Dylan out of a selfish type of isolation.) Dylan rebels at Alfie’s suggestion to get raw scraps of meat at the butcher shop and takes Alfie home for food and a bath. Dylan mistakenly thinks they have time before his father arrives home from work. Dylan vows to get the bullies back.

SECOND TURNING POINT Dylan is discovered washing Alfie in the bathtub. Steve tells Dylan they cannot keep the dog. Steve was annoyed as Elizabeth the teacher was to come over for supper, now the house is muddy and smells like a dog. Steve says Alfie can only stay for the night.

SECOND TURNING POINT CHANGES

Dylan gets filthy Alfie into the bathtub. He discovers that underneath Alfie’s fur he is all skin and bones. Alfie explains he is a homeless dog.

Steve arrives home to find a big mess. He finds Dylan washing Alfie in the bathtub. Steve tells Dylan they cannot keep the dog. Steve is annoyed as Elizabeth the teacher was to come over for supper, now the house is muddy and smells like a dog. Steve says Alfie can only stay for the night. Steve begs Dylan to speak and explain what is going on.

THIRD TURNING POINT

ORIGINAL

INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

Elizabeth suggests that the answer to Steve’s problems and the impediment to their continued relationship is to send Dylan to a boarding school.

NEW CHANGES

Elizabeth suggests that the answer to Steve’s problems and the impediment to their continued relationship is to send Dylan to a boarding school, Steve dumps an angry Elizabeth.

FORTH TURNING POINT

Alfie encourages Dylan to try to communicate with his Dad about abuse at the school using pictures,

Steve runs out of the house in the morning as he is late for his bus route. He does not see the pictures. Dylan takes his pictures away believing that his Dad is not interested.

Steve has an interview at Dylan’s school. He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home. Elizabeth continues to flirt with Steve. Steve is not entirely easy with Elizabeth.s moves.

Steve, Alfie, and Dylan go for a walk through the Christmas High Stree to the bakery where Steve meets a fun attractive woman that meets with Alfie and Dylan’s approval.

The next day, Steve informs Dylan that the boarding school is definitely on the cards. Dylan runs out of the house.

When he gets to school he observes his friend Daisy being locked in the school cellar. Dylan and Alfie discuss the problem telepathically, and Alfie insists Dylan use his words to get help for Daisy. Dylan speaks to his Dad for the first time in two years since his mother died. All he says is “Help Daisy” and drags his Dad in the direction of the school. Elizabeth intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for being locked in the cellar.

CRISIS ORIGINAL

On the way home, Steve takes the side of Elizabeth and says they should very seriously consider the boarding school as Dylan is creating trouble and Steve cannot figure out how to help him, he is feeling at his wit’s end.

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s pictures inside and takes them, to Steve.

Steve looks at them in disbelief and then he sees the picture of Miss Perkins(Elizabeth) standing on the school steps smiling while the boys chase Dylan. The penny drops for Steve.

Steve phones the school board, and tells his son not to worry he is not going to the boarding school, he apologizes for not understanding or believing Dylan

8. RESOLUTION

Steve calls the pound Dylan. No one has claimed Alfie. Steve says If Aflie makes Dylan happy and gets you to start talking, he can keep him until New Year. But only till New Year.

.

Alfie spends more time with Dylan explaining how important it was for him to speak, he saved Daisy from the cellar. He also talks to him about loving his mother and making his mother happy by talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still silent. He draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad.

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery.

They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “The tree Dad, it’s like Christmas magic..” F.O.

OPENING SCENE

DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.

INCITING INCIDENT

Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.

The boys give up. Dylan emerges from under the trash; he hears noises, very scared he starts to cry, and then a dirty scruffy huge all-black Newfoundland

(ALFIE) emerges with the fish and chip newspaper wrapping in his mouth. Dylan screams and cowers in fear. Alfie speaks telepathically to Dylan

3. FIRST TURNING POINT

Alfie wins Dylan over with his telepathic superpowers. They go home to find a starving Alfie food

.MIDPOINT

4. INT; DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY.

Dylan is discovered washing Alfie in the bathtub. Steve tells Dylan they cannot keep the dog. Steve was annoyed as Elizabeth the teacher was to come over for supper, now the house is muddy and smells like a dog

.

SECOND TURNING POINT END ACT 2

5. INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/E

6. Dylan tries to communicate with his Dad about abuse at the school using pictures, it fails. Elizabeth calls Steve to the school to give him the paperwork to sign for the boarding school application. Steve allows Alfie to stay for one more night Elizabeth suggests the end to Steve’s problems is to send Dylan away to a boarding school.

Steve has an interview at Dylan’s school. He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home. Elizabeth continues to flirt with Steve. Steve is not entirely easy with Elizabeth.s moves. Steve, Alfie, and Dylan go for a walk through the Christmas High Stree to the bakery where Steve meets a fun attractive woman that meets with Alfie and Dylan’s approval. The next day, Steve informs Dylan that the boarding school is definitely on the cards. Dylan runs out of the house. When he gets to school he observes his friend Daisy being locked in the school cellar. Dylan and Alfie discuss the problem telepathically, and Alfie insists Dylan use his words to get help for Daisy. Dylan speaks to his Dad for the first time in two years since his mother died. All he says is “Help Daisy” and drags his Dad in the direction of the school. Elizabeth intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for being locked in the cellar.

TURNING POINT 3

7. Alfie takes the pictures Dylan drew of the evil events at the school to Steve. Steve gets it and says there will be no more talk of boarding school. Alfie talks to Dylan and explains how important it is, not just for Dylan but for the other people in his life, his stressed-out Dad, and his friends that he starts speaking again. Alfie talks to Dylan about his mother’s death and how she would be unhappy if Dylan continues to be bullied or gets sent away to boarding school. Dylan draws another picture to communicate to Steve how much he loves Alfie..

8. Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery.

They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

9. Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “Christmas magic.” F.O.

BEATS WITH CHANGES

OPENING SCENE

EXT.SCHOOL/DAY

Dylan exits the school notices he is being followed by a group of bullies. His Grade 6 teacher is watching, smiling on the school steps. Dylan escapes to the village high street, hides in doorways, and eventually in desperation jumps into a garbage skiff.

INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY

Dylan and Alfie meet. Alfie wins over a reluctant Dylan by demonstrating his telepathic powers in order that they can communicate secretly. Alfie is hungry, Dylan takes Alfie to his home.

INT.DYLAN/STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY

Dylan and Alfie enter the cottage and immediately there is trouble as Alfie is filthy and leaves giant muddy footprints on the floor. Dylan tells him is not getting any food until Alfie has a bath. Alfie and Dylan have to be quick before his Dad comes home.

INT.STEVE”S VILLAGE BUS/DAY

Steve is helping elderly people off his decorated Christmas bus, they are bantering back and forth. He tells them he is finished for the day and going home early for a cold beer.

INT.STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY

Steve enters the hallway, stepping into a muddy mess. He calls to Dylan no answer. Steve hears water running and knows something is amiss. Steve discovers Alfie in the bathtub with Dylan busy washing the dog. As usual, Steve cannot get a word out of Dylan as to what is going on. Steve is upset, frustrated, as his on and off again girlfriend Elizabeth, Dylan’s school teacher is supposed to be coming over for dinner, this is not possible now as the house has mud all over the place and the whole house smells like a dirty dog.. Steve decides to take Elisabeth to the local Indian Restaurant and tells Dylan that Alfie will have to leave in the morning..

INT.INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

Elizabeth suggests the end to Steve’s problems is to send Dylan away to a boarding school.

CHANGES MADE Elizabeth suggests the end to Steve’s problems is to send Dylan away to a boarding school. Steve dumps Elizabeth. She is very angry.

TURNING POINT

INT.DYLAN’S SCHOOL CLASSROOM/DAY

Dylan tries to communicate with his Dad about abuse at the school using pictures, it fails. Elizabeth calls Steve to the school to give him the paperwork to sign for the boarding school application. Steve allows Alfie to stay for one more night Elizabeth suggests the end to Steve’s problems is to send Dylan away to a boarding school.

Steve has an interview at Dylan’s school. He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home. Elizabeth continues to flirt with Steve. Steve is not entirely easy with Elizabeth.s moves. Steve, Alfie, and Dylan go for a walk through the Christmas High Stree to the bakery where Steve meets a fun attractive woman that meets with Alfie and Dylan’s approval. The next day, Steve informs Dylan that the boarding school is definitely on the cards. Dylan runs out of the house. When he gets to school he observes his friend Daisy being locked in the school cellar. Dylan and Alfie discuss the problem telepathically, and Alfie insists Dylan use his words to get help for Daisy. Dylan speaks to his Dad for the first time in two years since his mother died. All he says is “Help Daisy” and drags his Dad in the direction of the school. Elizabeth intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for being locked in the cellar.

CHANGES MADE

INT.DYLAN’S SCHOOL, CLASSROOM/DAY

Steve has been summoned to an interview at Dylan’s school. Elizabeth insists Steve consider the boarding school. He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home.

INT.DYLAN”S BEDROOM/EVENING

Alfie encourages Dylan to try to communicate with his Dad about abuse at the school using pictures,

Steve runs out of the house in the morning as he is late for his bus route. He does not see the pictures. Dylan takes his pictures away believing that his Dad is not interested. Dylan finds the paperwork for the boarding school and runs out of the house in distress.

CRISIS

INT. DYLAN’S SCHOOL HALLWAY/DAY

Dylan observes his friend Daisy being locked in the school cellar. Dylan and Alfie discuss the problem telepathically, and Alfie insists Dylan use his words to get help for Daisy. Dylan speaks to his Dad for the first time in two years since his mother died. All he says is “Help Daisy” and drags his Dad in the direction of the school. Elizabeth intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for being locked in the cellar.

EXT.VILLAGE STREET/DAY

On the way home, Steve takes the side of Elizabeth and says they should very seriously consider the boarding school as Dylan is creating trouble and Steve cannot figure out how to help him, he is feeling at his wit’s end.

RESOLUTION

INT.THE COTTAGE/DAY

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s drawings and takes them to Steve. The penny finally drops for Steve. Steve gets it and says there will be no more talk of boarding school. And Alfie can stay until New Year if Dylan keeps working on his speaking skills.

<font color=”#4d5c6d” face=”SF UI Text, sans-serif”>EXT. PARK/DAY</font>

<font color=”#4d5c6d” face=”SF UI Text, sans-serif”>Alfie and Dylan are walking and playing in the park. </font>Alfie talks to Dylan and explains how important it is, not just for Dylan but for the other people in his life, his stressed-out Dad, and his friends that he starts speaking again. Alfie talks to Dylan about his mother’s death and how she would be unhappy if Dylan continues to be bullied or gets sent away to boarding school.

Several of the boys who chased Dylan through the village spot Dylan and Alfie and come over to meet the dog in a friendly way. The alpha bully hangs back scared of the dog.

INT. COTTAGE KITCHEN/EVENING

Dylan draws another picture to communicate to Steve how much he loves Alfie.

Steve is on the phone talking to the Schoolboard Chairperson about Elizabeth and the suspected abuse of children at the school.

EXT. APPROACH TO SCHOOL ENTRANCE

Steve and Dylan are walking towards the school, it’s the day of the Christmas concert.

Cars are pulling up, parking, parents are getting out and making their way to the school. Dylan and his Dad observe the Alpha bully being pushed and slapped by his mother.

They see Elizabeth Perkins carrying boxes to her car. A school official is following her. She is leaving school.

EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/EVENING

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery. They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate. Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “Look at the tree Dad, it’s Christmas magic.”

Steve “Alfie has been doing wonders for you, we had better adopt Alfie as family, our forever dog.”

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

PS81 Plotting and Outlining Day DAY 8 SECOND PASS

What I learned from this assignment; examining the outline helped me to see that really the story made sense but it lacked zap and needed more tension/conflict. One of the antagonists needed a larger, darker role. The father needed to be more assertive, and Dylan needed to rebel more in order to find his strength. The concept of hopelessness and joylessness and new light at the end of the tunnel needed to be emphasized and more elements of new joy.

SILENT NIGHT ORIGINAL

CONCEPT;

It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of unpleasant events, the loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan, helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother, saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a ‘special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher), luckily Alfie saves the magic and joy of the Christmas by introducing the very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love interest.

Lead Characters Dylan, a 13-year-old boy, Steve, Dylan’s father, Alfie the dog, catalyst for healing/change.

Plot/number 11 Metamorphosis

3 Act Structure

9 BEATS (Main) ORIGINAL

1. OPENING

DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.

2. INCITING INCIDENT

Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.

The boys give up. Dylan emerges from under the trash; he hears noises, very scared he starts to cry, and then a dirty scruffy huge all-black Newfoundland

(ALFIE) emerges with the fish and chip newspaper wrapping in his mouth. Dylan screams and cowers in fear. Alfie speaks telepathically to Dylan

3. FIRST TURNING POINT

Alfie wins Dylan over with his telepathic superpowers. They go home to find a starving Alfie food.

MIDPOINT

4. INT; DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY.

Dylan is discovered washing Alfie in the bathtub. Steve tells Dylan they cannot keep the dog. Steve was annoyed as Elizabeth the teacher was to come over for supper, now the house is muddy and smells like a dog.

SECOND TURNING POINT END ACT 2

5. INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

Elizabeth suggests the end to Steve’s problems is to send Dylan away to a boarding school.

CRISIS

6. Dylan tries to communicate with his Dad about abuse at the school using pictures, it fails. Elizabeth calls Steve to the school to give him the paperwork to sign for the boarding school application. Steve allows Alfie to stay for one more night

Steve has an interview at Dylan’s school. He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home. Elizabeth continues to flirt with Steve. Steve is not entirely easy with Elizabeth.s moves. Steve, Alfie, and Dylan go for a walk through the Christmas High Stree to the bakery where Steve meets a fun attractive woman that meets with Alfie and Dylan’s approval. The next day, Steve informs Dylan that the boarding school is definitely on the cards. Dylan runs out of the house. When he gets to school he observes his friend Daisy being locked in the school cellar. Dylan and Alfie discuss the problem telepathically, and Alfie insists Dylan use his words to get help for Daisy. Dylan speaks to his Dad for the first time in two years since his mother died. All he says is “Help Daisy” and drags his Dad in the direction of the school. Elizabeth intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for being locked in the cellar.

RESOLUTION

7. Alfie takes the pictures Dylan drew of the evil events at the school to Steve. Steve gets it and says there will be no more talk of boarding school. Alfie talks to Dylan and explains how important it is, not just for Dylan but for the other people in his life, his stressed out Dad, and his friends that he starts speaking again. Alfie talks to Dylan about his mother’s death and how she would be unhappy if Dylan continues to be bullied or gets sent away to boarding school. Dylan draws another picture to communicate to Steve how much he loves Alfie..

8. Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery.

They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

9. Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “Christmas magic.” F.O.

NEW VERSION

Concept: Concept same/ Plot number 11 Metamorphosis

It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of unpleasant events, the loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan, helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother, saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a ‘special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher), luckily Alfie saves the magic and joy of the Christmas by introducing the very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love interest.

CHANGES

Lead Characters: Changes added Elisabeth expanded role

Dylan, Steve (Dylan’s Dad), Alfie, and Elisabeth

Plot/Structure: Metamorphosis (11) 3 Act Structure

:

Main Conflict(s) changes Original concept was an internal conflict with regard to Dylan speaking or not speaking and his increased difficulties managing his school life.

New conflicts

Steve becomes more assertive with regard to Dylan’s problems. He takes the lead and dumps Elizabeth, (after her suggestion of boarding school.) This enrages her and escalates her abuse at the school.

Dylan and Alfie get into more scrapes and rebellion.

Dramatic Question(s) Will Dylan ever speak again NEW, How will Dylan stop the bullies?

Dilemma: Dylan feels safe not talking, and close to his bereaved mother’s death, NEW he also feels hopeless/joyless trying to deal with everything going wrong in his life. Alfie coaches him toward happiness.

New. DYLAN does not want to let his mother go If Dylan does not speak again he may lose Alfie, he will not be able to communicate effectively to stop or expose the escalating abuse at school, (now that his Dad has dumped an enraged Elizabeth.)

Theme

The way forward is through letting go of the illusion of safety. The relentless forces of the outside world make Dylan’s changes almost inevitable. Finding the way through grief to live again with the help of his dog, friends, and his Dad, he has to give up his cocoon of silence and deal with life

[anna harper]

Anna Harper ProSeries 81 Character Arc in Plot

What I learned from this assignment. I have a better idea of what an outline for a producer might contain. Also, it helps me see where I have to expand in the script.

SILENT NIGHT

LOGLINE Plot Selection 11 Metamorphosis

It’s Christmas in an English village; a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie, with telepathic superpowers, befriends (a lonely, bullied mute 13-year-old Dylan), traumatized by his mother’s death, the loving relationship between the dog and Dylan, help the boy to speak again saving him from being sent away to a special school engineered by his Dad’s covertly evil girlfriend; instead, Alfie and Dylan introduce Dad, Steve to a new love interest just in time for Christmas

PLOT/SUMMARY

It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of unpleasant events, the loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan, helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother, saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a ‘special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher), luckily Alfie saves the magic and joy of the Christmas by introducing the very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love interest.

Character Arc

Part to be changed; Dylan must risk breaking out of silence

Biggest fear; Breaking silence risks breaking the illusion of safety in silence and a bubble of closeness to his dead mother, whom he must let go of in order to function successfully in his life.

Completions of Arc. Alfie breaks through Dylan’s silence in an unusual way, telepathically. Gradually winning the affection and trust of the dog, Dylan risks speaking again as his silence is no longer serving him in the real world.

1. OPENING

DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.

2. INCITING INCIDENT

Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.

The boys give up. Dylan emerges from under the trash; he hears noises, very scared he starts to cry, and then a dirty scruffy huge all-black Newfoundland (ALFIE) emerges with the fish and chip newspaper wrapping in his mouth. Dylan screams and cowers in fear. Alfie speaks telepathically to Dylan

3. FIRST TURNING POINT

Alfie convinces Dylan they can communicate telepathically.. In order to avoid the boys and feed a very hungry Alfie they go to Dylan’s house..

MIDPOINT

INT. DYLAN/STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY

Steve comes home to discover chaos. Dylan wants to keep the dog. Steve allows the dog to stay for one night. His girlfriend(Dylan’s school teacher) was to visit for dinner, this is now impossible. Subtext GF would find the chaos unacceptable.

SECOND TURNING POINT END ACT 2

INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

At dinner, Steve and Elizabeth Perkins discuss Elizabeth’s suggestion of sending Dylan away to a boarding school.

CRISIS

INT. SCHOOL/DAY

Alfie convinces Dylan to draw pictures as a way of communicating the abuse that is taking place at the school. Steve fails to discover them. Elizabeth summons Steve to the school to discuss Dylan’s part in bullying and presents paperwork for the boarding school.

INT.DYLAN/STEVESCOTTAGE/DAY

Dylan reclaims his drawings believing his Dad does not care. Steve announces Alfie can stay one more night and then he must go to the pound.

EXT. HIGHSTREET BAKERY/DAY

Dylan uses his mime language to convince Dad and Alfie to go for a walk. They go to the bakery where Steve meets the baker. Alfie tells Dylan telepathically that she would be a much better companion for his Dad. Walking home, Steve breaks the news to Dylan about the boarding school. Dylan is in shock. Steve says he is at wits end and does not know what to do for Dylan. Alfie talks to Dylan about not talking.

7. CRISIS

INT.SCHOOL HALLWAY/DAY

Dylan observes Elizabeth locking his friend Daisy in the school cellar. Dylan runs away from the school and fetches his Dad. Dylan utters his first word “Daisy.” When they arrive at the school and find her in the cellar, Elizabeth convinces Steve and intimidates Daisy into believing Daisy locked herself in the cellar.

INT.DYLAN”S HOUSE/DAY

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s pictures inside and takes them, to Steve. Steve looks at them in disbelief and then he sees the picture of Miss Perkins(Elizabeth) standing on the school steps smiling while the boys chase Dylan. Steve talks to Dylan about the pictures and how upset Dylan must be. He praises Dylan for rescuing Daisy and says he will take care of things. Dylan uses a few words to describe the pictures..

EXT.HIGHSTREET.DAY

Dylan takes Alfie for a walk. Alfie explains how important it was for him to speak, also talks to him about his mother’s happiness by Dylan talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still mostly silent. Later, he draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad. Steve says if Alfie can continue to help Dylan talk, he can stay.

COMPLETION OF ARC

EXT.HIGH STREET/EVENING

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery.

They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “Christmas magic.” END

[anna harper]

ProSeries 81 Anna Harper Outlining

What I learned from this exercise. The format helps the script to write itself, almost. This method gave me a good starting point to know where I was going with this script. Thanks.

SILENT NIGHT

CONCEPT;/LOGLINE

It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of unpleasant events, the loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan, helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother, saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a ‘special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher), luckily Alfie saves the magic and joy of the Christmas by introducing the very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love interest.

1. OPENING

ESTABLISHING, EXT. VILLAGE CHRISTMAS SCENE LANDSCAPE/.DAY

PAN EXT. VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY.

DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.

2. INCITING INCIDENT

Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.

The boys give up. Dylan emerges from under the trash; he hears noises, very scared he starts to cry, and then a dirty scruffy huge all-black Newfoundland (ALFIE) emerges with the fish and chip newspaper wrapping in his mouth. Dylan screams and cowers in fear. Alfie speaks telepathically to Dylan

3. FIRST TURNING POINT

“Shhhh or those nasty bully boys will be back”

DYLAN (internal dialogue) Who is that talking to me?”

ALFIE “It’s me, Alfie, I’m a dog with superpowers, or at least, I can talk to you. No one else can hear us OK?”

DYLAN “I must have banged my head, I’m hearing things”

“Nope, I’m Alfie, the super dog at your service. I’m starving, let’s get outta here; let’s go check out the garbage at the butcher shop, maybe we can find some juicy raw meat scraps?”

DYLAN OK I’m going to try out this stupid talking in the head thing, I know this is a trick and it won’t work. Alfie, you are the dirtiest dog I have ever seen, you stink. And you’re the size of a donkey, not a dog! Raw meat scrap sounds disgusting, I’m not going to the butcher shop!”

ALFIE You can hear me right? So it does work then, us talking in secret my mind to your mind, kinda like Startrek? I am so hungry, I feel like I’m starving, haven’t eaten in three days. Licking the fish and chip paper isn’t helping either, I need some real food before I pass out”.

DYLAN; Ok, we can go to my house. My Dad won’t be home for a while. We can check out the fridge,

EXT. DYLAN’S COTTAGE.DAY

ALFIE and DYLAN enter. The dog leaves huge dirty footprints on the floor.

DYLAN We are going to have to clean this up and clean you up too. My Dad can’t find out.

So hurry upstairs, you are going to have a bath.

ALFIE Nooo bath. I hate baths.

DYLAN; There is bacon in the fridge and a pork chop from last night, probably a sausage or two. How much do you eat anyway? Bath first, stinky Alfie.

INT. SENIORS SHOPPING BUS. DAY

The bus has some Christmas decorations, and the old people are sharing little gifts and singing Christmas carols. The bus pulls up on the decorated High Street and they all get off.

STEVE Bye my darlings, see you tomorrow. Go home and put the kettle on, put your feet up. See ya!. I’m off home early to a nice cold beer.

MIDPOINT

INT; DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY.

STEVE enters and listens to the noise of running water.

“Dylan, are you in the bathtub? It’s only 3 o clock in the afternoon! What’s going on, are you sick or something? You never have a bath at this time. What are you up to?”

Steve opens the bathroom door. Alfie is in the bathtub looking rueful, with lots of bubble bath, towels, and water everywhere.

ALFIE: ” Now what are you going to do. How are you going to explain this with your not-talking thing going on?”

DYLAN I don’t know what to do. I’ll wait and see what Dad says, and then try waving my hands around, it usually works. Though I’ve never had to explain a giant dirty dog in our bathtub before.

STEVE: What the blooming heck is all this? Who or what is that smelly animal doing in my bathtub. Dylan, for God’s sake, speak to me for once. Elizabeth Perkins is due over in an hour.

And the whole house smells like a dirty dog. Dylan throws his arms around Alfie’s neck, and he starts to act as if he were crying.

STEVE. He doesn’t have a collar on. I’ll check with the dog pound in the morning, see if anyone is looking for him. He can stay tonight, that is all though. We cannot keep a dog, Dylan. I’ll take Elizabeth out for supper instead of eating here. O.K. I’ll help clean this up.

Dylan points to his mouth, and, acts as though he is eating then points to Alfie.

STEVE: Find what you can in the kitchen for him to eat, give him a big bowl of water. Seems like a really nice dog. Someone must be missing him.

SECOND TURNING POINT END ACT 2

INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING

MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS “Well, it’s nice to see you socially, not in my office with Dylan and with his various troubles. We can get to know each other better. And it gives me a chance to tell you something a little special. I have been working hard to find something to help Dylan out, you know with his behavior problems getting into trouble at school all the time. All of this was caused by his refusal to speak, acting mute. It is really time he gave that up. Anyway, I want to tell you all about this special school I found that helps boys and girls like Dylan. The school is located in London, it’s a boarding school.”

CRISIS

a). At Alfie’s suggestion, Dylan starts to draw pictures to explain what is happening at the school. Children being locked in the cellar, verbal intimidation, punishments.

He draws pictures of the boys beating him up, and then he draws the boys running after him and hiding in the garbage with Alfie. Dylan leaves these pictures on the kitchen table for his Dad to see.

When Steve comes home, he goes straight to bed, not seeing the pictures. He runs out of the house in the morning as he is late for his bus route. Still does not see the pictures.

b). Steve has an interview at Dylan’s school. He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home. Elizabeth continues to flirt with Steve. Steve is not entirely easy with Elizabeth.s moves.

Steve calls the pound from home. No one has claimed Alfie, so he can stay for just one more night, and then he will go to the pound.

c) Dylan takes his pictures away believing that his Dad is not interested.

d). Christmas magic: Amid the sparkle of the village Christmas decorations. Steve, Dylan, and Alfie go for a walk. Dylan indicates he wants to go into the bakery. They buy gingerbread man cookies and encounter a delightful baker, Mickey; genuine, fun, she likes Alfie and gives him bakery dog biscuits. Alfie ” I like her, she would be a much better choice. Let’s see what we can do.”

e). Next day Steve has a one-way conversation, with Dylan about going to the boarding school. Dylan runs out of the house, (shock and horror.) When he arrives at the school he observes from a safe point, Elizabeth threatening a little girl (Daisy, Dylan’s friend ) and then locking her in the cellar Dylan runs away from the school and meets Alfie at home to discuss the problems. telepathically. They talk about not talking.

f). Dylan runs to his Dad’s bus. The only words he can utter is “Help Daisy”, and pulls his Dad to go to the school. Dad is shocked. He enters the school and Dylan runs to the cellar door and pounds on it; a crying Daisy is on the other side of the door. Elizabeth comes running, unlocks the door, and explains that Daisy has locked herself in the cellar. She gives Daisy a withering look (a la Cruella Deville) and Daisy acquiesces.

7. CRISIS

On the way home, Steve takes the side of Elizabeth and says they should very seriously consider the boarding school as Dylan is creating trouble and Steve cannot figure out how to help him, he is feeling at his wit’s end.

8. RESOLUTION

Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s pictures inside and takes them, to Steve.

Steve looks at them in disbelief and then he sees the picture of Miss Perkins(Elizabeth) standing on the school steps smiling while the boys chase Dylan. The penny drops for Steve.

Steve phones the school board, and tells his son not to worry he is not going to the boarding school, he apologizes for not understanding or believing Dylan

.

Alfie spends more time with Dylan explaining how important it was for him to speak, he saved Daisy from the cellar. He also talks to him about loving his mother and making his mother happy by talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still silent. He draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad.

Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery.

They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.

Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “Christmas magic.” F.O.

[anna harper]

PLOTTING AND OUTLINING DAY 6

Anna’s favorite movie in Drama/Love/Theme: Dogs

A Dog’s Purpose

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>What I learned from this exercise; How to carry a strong theme forward through twists and turns for a movie that was very long, by always remembering that the dog and his mission was the key element that ties it together through most of the scenes.

Dramatic Question: What is the purpose of a dog’s life. What is the purpose of a human’s life?

Main Conflict: BAILEY’s purpose is to protect C.G. through various life traumas. To accomplish this he incarnates several times to help resolve difficult situations in C.J’s life.

Dilemma; C.J’s life is complex, she is vulnerable and Bailey/Molly./Big Dog/Max has his limitations in what he can do as a dog to resolve dramas. He has to find a way through each of the difficult life passages to reunite with CJ each time he reincarnates in order to help her.

Theme; The main theme is the love of a dog as a family member and how that dog’s love can do everything from saving a baby from an angry horse to bringing together star-crossed lovers, and comforting the dying Ethan (grandfather.) Bailey’s work done he finally reincarnates with Ethan in heaven.

A DOG’S PURPOSE

EXT.FARM/DAY

Bailey (dog and (Ethan farmer) are playing with a ball. Both the dog and Ethan are aging and having some issues playing ball and doing chores.

INT.KITCHEN/DAY

Gloria, an irresponsible mother to her baby C.G. is living with Ethan and Hannah, the baby’s grandparents following the death of her husband. It is a toxic situation.

EXT.FARM/DAY

Gloria is on the phone, not watching her toddler who wanders into the menage where an angry horse is acting up. Bailey saves the child. Grandfather reprimands Gloria who brushes of the serious incident.

INT..KITCHEN/DAY

Dysfunctional dynamics escalate with Gloria reminding them that the baby is hers, not theirs.

EXT.FARM/DAY

Gloria is absent from the farm while Bailey and C.J. (toddler) play in a paddling pool. Gloria comes home and is hostile about the child being with a dirty dog.

INT.ETHAN AND HANNAH’S BEDROOM/NIGHT

Ethan discovers a lump on Bailey.

INT.KITCHEN/DAY

More conflict when C.J. wants to be with her nana, not her mother, Gloria is annoyed when the toddler does not call her mother and removes baby from the kitchen. Bailey is distressed by the family conflict

INT.KITCHEN/DAY

The dog is not eating, going downhill.

INT/BARN/DAY

Ethan discovers Bailey lying in pain and calls the vet. Very sad Ethan and Hannah putting Bailey down. Ethan tells Bailey as he is dying that he must come back to take care of C.J.

EXT.HEAVEN/DAY

Bailey enjoys himself running through heavenly fields., wakes up as a puppy, (Molly) she is aware that she was Bailey. All of her littermates leave for other homes and Molly runs off to find a home with a now older C.G. who wants a dog badly. C.J. and her neighbor Trent who also owns a littermate collude to keep the rambunctious Molly a secret from the now alcoholic Gloria

EXT.PARK/DAY

C.J. and Trent attempt to train their puppies. Molly understands what her role is to protect and comfort C.J. who is growing up in a dysfunctional home.

INT.BEDROOM/DAY Molly is comforting C.J., (now a teenager) her mother is bringing another boyfriend home, and Gloria continues to drink. Molly confronts Gloria about her parenting and asserts her right to keep the dog.

EXT.STREET/DAY

Trent and C.J. have an intense discussion about her dead father and her singing career dream. She confides that she is going to use the inheritance her father gave her to move to New York.

EXT.PARK/DAY

Trent bumps into C.J. who has not been in touch with him as usual. She is with Shane, a bad boy. Shane insults Trent. Trent encourages C.J. to go and sing at a talent show. Shane discourages her from participating. Molly is hostile to Shane, she knows he is dangerous to C.J.

INT.PARTY HOUSE/NIGHT

C.J. realizes that she is in a bad place, booze and drugs are flowing. She wants to leave, Shane says no. Molly is with C.J. as the cops arrive and arrest C.J. Molly is taken to the pound.

leaving C.J. frantic.

EXT.POUND/DAY

Trent rescues Molly and takes her home to C.J. who confides she has to do 100 hours of community service in a facility training sniffer dogs to detect cancer.

EXT.CLINIC/day

C.J. is cleaning poo and washing dog bowls.

INT.CLINIC/DAY

Molly observes that other dogs get treats when the signal a unique smell, Molly shows she knows what to do and the clinic wants to work with Molly.

EXT.GLORIA’S HOUSE/DAY

Ethan and Hannah show up and want to see their granddaughter. Gloria forbids it and accuses them of wanting to steal C.J.’s inheritance. Ethan sees Molly and recognizes him as Bailey and tells him to take care of C.J.

INT.CLINIC/DAY

Shane shows up and makes a nuisance of himself, and attacks C.J. Molly bites him.

INT. GLORIA’S HOUSE/DAY

Gloria is drinking, C.J. tells her she was attacked, the mother does not care and accuses C>J> of being at fault. C.J. tells her she is a terrible mother and decides she is going to leave. The mother reveals she has spent all of C.J.’s inheritance so she can’t go. C.J. leaves anyway taking the car.

INT.C.Js CAR/NIGHT

Shane drives his truck in an aggressive way behind C.J. and causes a big crash. Molly is O.K. but Molly is dying and seeing the golden fields of heaven. Shane sees C.J. hanging upside down in the car and abandons her.

INT.GARAGE/DAY

Molly has reincarnated as a huge dog, Big Dog, he is happy living with Joe the owner in the house of snacks. C.J. comes to the garage on her way to New York to buy some snacks, Big Dog (formerly Baily, then Molly)Loves her. Bailey does not have much money, she buys a scratch ticket and wins a much needed 50 dollars, and leaves. Big Dog runs after her but fails to catch up as he is getting older, understands hr is dying. and is off the golden fields with no fear, yet he yearns to continue his journey and purpose with C.J.

EXT.ADOPTION EVENT/DAY

Another incarnation, Max is due to be put down;C.G. adopts him, takes him home to her new boyfriend who is neither supportive of the dog nor her singing career, exits C.G.

INT.FRIEND”S APARTMENT/DAY

C,G, has no money and beginning weeks of couch surfing to survive

EXT.STREET/DAY

C.G. runs into Trent of the street, she moves in with him. While living at the apartment Max recognizes a smell from his training in a previous incarnation, as cancer. C.G. insists Trent attends a doctor’s clinic. Test positive. C.G. nurses him back to health as his girlfriend deserts him.

EXT.PARK/DAY

Gloria has arranged to meet with C.G. Reluctantly C.G. shows up at the park and is gifted her deceased father’s letters (Ethan). Max recognizes the smell of the paper as Ethan. Trent and C.G. plan a trip to the farm.

INT.FARMHOUSE/DAY

The family answers questions re why C.G.’s mother left the farmhouse. A reunification takes place. Ethan demonstrates what he instinctively knows, that Max is Baily reincarnated and explains the dog’s role to C.G.

INT.BEDROOM?DAY

Max lies on the bed while Ethan is passing.

INT.C.J.’s APARTMENT BEDROOM/DAY

Max is dying and reflecting on his many lives and understanding his continuous role of love and belonging and understanding that the reward is loving people.

EXT/HEAVEN/DAY

All of the incarnations of Bailey converge and run towards Ethan where they are reunited and enjoy being together in heaven. Get out the kleenex.

.

.

[anna harper]

PS81 Anna Harper Necessary Questions

As in Bill Stone’s Necessary Questions

What I learned doing this assignment:

I think this method might save me a bunch of problems with holes in the script.

a) CONCEPT

It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of unpleasant events, the loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan, helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother, saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a ‘special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher), luckily Alfie saves the magic and joy of the Christmas by introducing the very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love interest.

b) THE MAIN QUESTION

Will Dylan ever be able to speak again?

c) THE MAIN CONFLICT

The main conflict (internal) is that being mute is a safe place for Dylan, he has some control in what was a devastating event where he had no control. Sometimes he wants to speak, but can’t.

d) THE MAIN CHARACTER’S DILEMMA

Dylan’s main conflict is between his safe but isolated inner world and his outer world which is creating stress demanding him to speak.

e) THEME

Love in the form of a life coach/friend and superhero Alfie can support courage and change where adults humans cannot reach or heal the child, Christmas magic flows through the story providing the heroes with transformational objects of hope and upliftment

[anna harper]

PS81 Anna Harper Dramatic Plots 2

What I learned doing this is that the subtle change of the lens concept can cause a powerful shift in the nature and focus of a story, and that there really are workable alternatives.

I do not know which plot to use yet. I may have to combine elements of the Original concept, Hero, Underdog, and Metaphorphasis to get the best logline so will continue to work on the final choice until tomorrow. Thanks, Anna

Original Concept

Silent Night

It’s Christmas in a picture-perfect English village where Alfie, a big dirty, hungry Newfoundland stray with telepathic superpowers befriends Dylan a 13-year-old boy, unable to speak since the death of his mother, Alfie rescues Dylan, from bullying, and teacher abuse, helping Dylan to speak saving Dylan from being sent away to a special school, by his Dad’s girlfriend (a Cruella Deville type) exposing the girlfriend’s evil behavior, Alfie and Dylan introduce his Dad to a new love interest just in time for Christmas.

Plot Selection 11 Metamorphosis

It’s Christmas in an English village; a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie, with telepathic superpowers, befriends (a lonely, bullied mute 13-year-old Dylan), traumatized by his mother’s death, the loving relationship between the dog and Dylan, help the boy to speak again saving him from being sent away to a special school engineered by his Dad’s covertly evil girlfriend; instead, Alfie and Dylan introduce Dad, Steve to a new love interest just in time for Christmas.

Maturation 13

The death of Dylan’s mother has left him traumatized and mute, vulnerable to bullying by schoolmates and covert abuse of his Dad’s girlfriend, Dylan’s school teacher who wants to send Dylan away to a ‘special ‘school when Alfie, a stray Newfoundland dog with telepathic superpowers enters Dylan’s life, and rescues Dylan from a series of unpleasant events, Alfie helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother,

[anna harper]

PS81 Anna Harper Dramatic Plots 1

What I learned from doing this assignment: the plot format options give me a bird’s eye view of what would work best for the proposed storyline. Even though I was able to change it to fit Underdog, I really feel the first option Rescue worked best.

4.. Rescue

The Hero will rescue a victim from the villain but the focus of the story
is often on the hero’s pursuit of the villain. The natural progression:
separation, pursuit, confrontation, and finally reunion.

The Hero of my screenplay is a dog named Alfie, he has telepathic powers and befriends Dylan, boy who has become mute following the trauma of his mother dying in a car crash.

Alfie is established as a hero when he intercepts a group of bullies beating Dylan up and name-calling. Alfie demonstrates his telepathic powers by communicating with the boy briefly, and then he runs off, leaving Dylan to go home alone, his father does not understand what has happened to Dylan and thinks he had a fall. Dylan is not speaking, so he suffers in silence.

As the story unfolds with Alfie appearing at Dylan’s garbage bin, they become friends, and Alfie is aware of Dylan’s predicaments 1. not speaking 2. A nasty school teacher who is intent on becoming Dylan’s new stepmother and plans to send him off to a special boarding school.

With Alfie’s help, and in the nick of time a string of cruel offenses is revealed, Dylan is saved from boarding school and begins to speak again. Alfie becomes a member of the family and uses his clever ways to guide Dylan’s Dad towards a more suitable love interest.

9. Underdog

This plot is similar to Rivalry, except that the protagonist is not matched
equally against the antagonist. The antagonist can be a person, place
(ocean), or thing (bureaucracy), and clearly has much greater power than
the protagonist.

The opening scene is of Dylan being locked in a basement by the grade 5 teacher. Outside of the school, the local dog catcher is pursuing Alfie, who is having difficulty hiding because he is so big. Eventually, Alfie finds an open door to a porch and hides inside, only to be found later by a very sad Dylan when he returns home after spending the day in the school basement.

As the story unfolds, Alfie demonstrates his powers to have a two-way telepathic conversation with the mute boy. They help each other, they protect each other from many difficult skirmishes.

Eventually, Alfie gets the boy to speak again and reveals the evil deeds of the teacher to Dylan’s Dad and the school board. Alfie avoids being put down by the dog catcher when Dylan’s Dad takes responsibility for the dog

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Hello, Anna Harper here. I live in Agassiz BC Canada at the moment. Various films have been shot here, most recently a Hallmark movie. I don’t think Agassiz will be on the location of choice list this year, as we have been plagued with a series of climate change disasters. Not good for shooting. I have taken a few ScreenwritingU classes, am almost ready to market the first script, and have started on the second, also releasing novel 3 end of February. Hope get to know people in the group who are further along so I can learn from them. Thanks for stopping by.

[anna harper]

I fully agree to all the terms and conditions of the Confidentiality Agreement. PS#81

[anna harper]

What I learned from doing this assignment: This task is already helping me to see how the script will develop. It has made the concept more 3 dimensional.

Concept

Silent Night

It’s Christmas season in a picture-perfect English village, a widowed dad, Steve, and his son (Dylan) adopt a very large scruffy stray dog with telepathic powers (Alfie) who helps the boy to speak again, revealing the father’s girlfriend, a teacher is secretly an evil piece of work. The boy must convince the father of the teacher’s nature, and divert an emotionally conflicted Dad to a true love interest, and avoid being sent away to a special school.

Structure

Drama

4 lead characters

Character outlines

Steve is the father of Dylan. He was widowed a couple of years ago. Steve is a local hero as he drives the village bus for seniors who he helps out in many ways. He is also a volunteer village fireman. The seniors on the bus love him and know all about Steve’s life. He has recently met his son’s new flirtatious grade 5 teacher. He is lonely and responds to her interest.

Dylan is an only child, 12 years old turning 13 soon. Dylan’s mother died in a car crash and since that time Dylan has stopped talking completely. This is causing problems in school. The new grade 5 teacher wants to send Dylan away to a special school. Dylan is horrified, he still has friends in the village, though some children bully him and make his life a hell. He loves his dad, who is struggling with doing all the parenting. Dylan has observed his new teacher doing nasty things to students. He is stuck trying to figure out what to do.

Alfie is a dog with telepathic superpowers. He appears in the village out of nowhere, just before Christmas. Alfie is an all-black Newfoundland. When he meets Dylan for the first time, he is very dirty and hungry. Alfie shocks Dylan with his ability to talk mind to mind with the boy. Alfie wins Dylan’s trust and convinces him to start talking again, or risk being sent to a school far away, and his father developing a serious relationship with Miss Perkins.

Miss Perkins is the grade school teacher Dylan is afraid of. She smiles a lot, and then does nasty things. Miss Perkins is a Cruella DeVille-like character. She uses her fake charm to win over a very lonely Steve. She will do anything to throw off any potential rivals, and she wants Dylan out of the way.

[anna harper]

Big takeaways were: the use of feedback as a way of learning the models effectively. (In my industry, we use FB as a shortcut). Loved the idea of breaking down the way we are to do the work, as in Interval Writing! It has been a hard drag sometimes doing it the other way. I am in it to win it, so yes of course the idea of making money is important to me. I also resonated with all of the mindset guidance. Sometimes it has taken courage to say I am a writer, people can be negative, even in silence! I will do the program in the way it is prescribed. And I will do the writing the easy way!

[anna harper]

Hello, my name is Anna Harper. I have written one script. I hope to learn enough to create a quality script that sells.

Something unique about me; I have lived and worked in various parts of the world, my native country is the UK. Currently I live in British Columbia, Canada.

[anna harper]

D.Anna Harper

I agree to the terms of the release form.

[anna harper]

Anna’s Hero and Villain

What I learned from this assignment; the extrapolation allowed me to see into the future of further installment possibilities.

Romance/Adventure

Hero Morally right; seeks to provide for her son. Encounters a drug dealing doctor who she is compelled to take down. Wound. Maggie and her son were abandoned by husband,/ son’s father.

Villain Morally wrong. creating drug addiction in the community, responsible for the death of a teenager. Has a network of drug distribution in the community and beyond. His goal is to have enough money to set himself up in private practice in a more sophisticated environment.

Impossible Mission. Hero’s skill set is urban, no bush skills or knowledge of First Nations culture, she is fearful of her new life in the bush. Financially in trouble/unemployed must take job to provide. New environment both a learning curve and an opportunity. She uses her recreational archery skills in a takedown of the drug dealing doc. Extrapolation: After finishing of the villain, a many headed monster, the Hells Angels make their presence known. New challenge.

[anna harper]

Subject Line Anna Harper’s conventions

What I learned from this assignment was method works better than a random approach.

Concept Maggie a single unemployed mother anxiously takes a job in the northern bush as a means to provided for her son. She encounters a drug dealing doctor who is destroying young lives in the community. Maggie takes him down in an ambush using her archery skills.

Hero Maggie has no choice but to take action; take a risky job in a foreign environment. She feels compelled to stop the drug dealer after the death of a local boy.

Antagonist. Dr. Teddy is a sociopath with links to the Hells Angels who are his distributors. He knows they will kill him if he leaks any of their information or fails to deliver.

Escalating; After the local boy dies, Dr. Teddy tries to leave town. The locals set up an ambush at his house. Maggie’s stealth allows her to shoot him.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Hello, My name is Anna Harper and

I agree to the terms and conditions of the release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM FOR “Writing Killer Action Scripts” CLASS
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That everyone’s work here is copyrighted and they are the sole
owner of that work. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this
group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that
idea.

2. That this program is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun and I will not share,

disclose, present, or deliver the information, design, and writing of this

program to anyone for any reason without written permission from Hal Croasmun.

3. That I will keep the other writers’ ideas and writing confidential
(including Hal’s materials) and will not share this information with
anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner.
I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone
outside this group.

4. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or
have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can
independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or
movie idea.

5. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for
any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted
work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from
marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents,
managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment
industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for Writing Killer Action Scripts

[anna harper]

Looking for a partner for Writer/Producer interview.

Genre is Romance Adventure . Thanks..Anna

I am on PST, in Canada currently. Skype also an option. Also e mail.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper’s synopsis for a /Writer interview.

Title: The Village Fringe. Season 2 Episode 1

FYI I have already published The Village Fringe. Hal indicated he wanted a new idea or project so I am using season 2, book not written so far. About 50% of the story is based on history and a mix of lived experience. I will appreciate input as this is still very much in the works.

Set up.

S.W. England, The village of Wold on Sea.

Season 1 introduced village characters and a romance between Lord Stu Withall, a farmer and Maggie Graham a photographer. The first episode is about the making of new friends, the colourful life of the village and various suitors for Maggie. It is an HEA romance so of course they get married.

Season 2. Episode 1.

The opening focuses on the financial troubles of the local pub owners Caleb and Cleo.

A group of male friends get together to come up with ideas and decide to try their hand at smuggling.

Stu fishes lobster for the local restaurants. A storm comes up and his boat is sunk, Stu does not survive.

I have not worked out what or how they are going to smuggle or steal. There are new options for smuggling post Brexit. At this point I am thinking about truffles

In episode 1 there was another contender for Maggie’s affections; Paul the farm manager.

He will redouble his efforts to win Maggie over.

This is all I have so far.

I am on PST. Currently in BC Canada. Options are I can phone my potential writer/producer.

If this is not good for your time zone and commitments, we can e mail. There is also the option of Skype. Thanks..Anna

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Old Buffalo Hospital

What I learned from this exercise. I should have done this before writing the script!

Small changes in the outline make the character more fully dimensional.

CONVENTIONS

Bolded text indicates character changes or additions.

Traditional knowledge refers to First Nations/Aboriginal spiritual practices and cosmology, ie spirit animals.

Small changes in the outline make the character more fully dimensional.

Log line What would happen if an unemployed single mother accepted a job in a Yukon bush hospital?

Character Profiles

1. SARAH WARWICK unemployed social worker. British. Single mother.

Role: Main protagonist, takes on the role of a mental health worker in a Yukon bush hospital.

Core Character Traits: Loving, empathic, insecure, is reluctantly brave.

Character sub text log line: A harsh upbringing, soul wounds. She heals through loving her son and providing him with a more nurturing home life. She feels called to work in the helping professions.

Flaw: She tries to hide her issues. Her friends know exactly who she is.

Wants/Needs Prefers to maintain the status quo. She wants love and security.

Mission: to raise her son in a happy home.

World view: All you need is love.

Metaphor: Wounded Healer

Secret: She wants a man in her life but will never admit that to herself as she perceives it as a weakness.

Doesn’t want to admit: She has an anxiety disorder and sometimes drinks to cope and has not sort out help.

Unique: She is a foreigner, in another layer of foreignness in a new environment.

2. DR TEDDY SULEMAN

Role: Antagonist: Chief of Medical Staff, Drug Dealer

Core Traits: Delusional, narcissistic, sociopath.

LL sub text: Lives in an unreal world in his head.

Mission: Power:

Worldview: People do not understand his greatness. He should at least be a Minister back in his homeland.

Character Arc: Is only a one way escalation of evil.

Life Metaphor: Admires and models himself on Desmond Tutu. Despot.

Secret: He has E.D. His wife has affairs. Unknown to him, his kids are starting to use recreational drugs.

Doesn’t want to admit: His family hate him

Unique: He is very handsome, well built, tall, deep voice. He is an honorary member of the Hell’s Angels.

DR PAUL CONNOR

Role: Junior Doctor, Secondary Protagonist, one of Sarah’s romantic interests. Irish.

Key Traits: A genuine, really decent guy. Intelligent, romantic.

Subtext Logline: He wants to be a healer, not just a doctor. Still waters run deep. Don’t judge the affable exterior of this book by it’s cover.

Flaw: He doesn’t have any. Yet. He is the perfect man, almost. He has zero insight into his needy personality

Mission: To do his expected life tasks; be a good son, a good doctor, get married (Catholic) have 2.5 kids, have his own practice. Would also like to runaway on a motorbike.

World View: The world is his oyster.

Life Metaphor: A ‘lost’ healer, waiting for a magician with magic beans to show up and show the way.

Secret: He watches MASH reruns every night, and wants to be Alan Alda.

Unique: He’s an an expert lover; but hasn’t gotten any in over a year and doesn’t know why.

BONNIE

Role: Secondary Protagonist, Sarah’s assistant.

Core Traits: Integrity, loving wife and mother, very competent at anything she puts her hand to, traditional knowledge.

Subtext: I don’t feel appreciated. I’ll try harder.

Flaw: Doesn’t have any. Well, maybe one secret flaw.

Mission: To care of and save my community.

World view: I love my community; the changes out there in the larger world, are here and I don’t like those changes.

Life metaphor: A potential leader; ignored, wasted potential.

Secret: I secretly want to run for town council. My husband would not approve. I have had an on and off affair with Cody

CODY

Role: Secondary Protagonist, Youth Group Leader, works with inmates.

Core Traits: Heroic, traditional knowledge and beliefs. An adventurer.

Subtext LL. Tough outside, fragile inside.

Flaw: Alcoholic. He is currently sober attends weekly AA meeting in a town 100 kilometres away. He is on the fourth step.

Want/need He wants to stay sober and heal his relationships with his children.

Character Arc: The story commences with Cody being a hero and a flirt. He gets involved with saving the community from drugs. He is genuinely attracted to Sarah. End point he is thwarted in his romantic pursuits, has to cope with disappointment without drinking..

World view: Confused. He does not know the next step in his life, the bigger picture. He is considering becoming an environmental advocate.

Identity/life metaphor: Wounded/healing Warrior.

Secret (s) He has a lot of secrets. He would like to stop his compulsive over compensating womanizing and settle down.

Does not want to admit: Sometimes he gets depressed and feels like a failure. He thinks about leaving the community and starting over. He has made several suicide attempts.

Unique: He writes poetry and paints

[anna harper]

Hello everyone, I would appreciate a feedback partner. My genre is Romance Adventure.

I must apologize as my screenplay has the entire script is in a professional software program and it has been a nightmare to get it to behave as requested for ScreenwritingU. So a few gaffs there. I will be reaching out to Dimitri for advise. I would enjoy reading your 10 pages.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper

Writing Sample

Romance Drama OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL pilot for a three part mini series

SARAH WARWICK is an unemployed single mother. She reluctantly takes a job in the Yukon to support herself and her son. She makes friends with the locals who help her to adapt to the north through first nations traditions. Sarah quickly becomes embroiled in the day to day dramas of a bush hospital. She meets various potential suitors along the way and takes down a drug dealing doctor.

ACT 1

EXT.LARGE OLD HOUSE-DAY-ESTABLISHING

A large sign reads Hearts and Hands Seniors Society. Staff (younger people) and a group of senior citizens take boxes and household objects from the house to a moving truck, some place boxes in cars. An elderly lady is sitting on the porch crying. People chat as they help each other close down the senior citizens social house. A young woman wearing a suit appears to be in charge.

Sarah WARWICK

Over here, put that one in the truck. Thanks, you are such a great help. We are almost done. Let’s head on over to the restaurant for our farewell lunch.

CHARLIE WUTNEY

CHARLIE WUTNEY A noticeably elderly Aboriginal man approaches Sarah. Charlie opens a bandana in his hand to reveal a silver eagle on a thin piece of deerskin leather.

This is for you SARAH, its just a little something to say thank you. It belonged to my grandmother,she was a powerful medicine woman. Wear it when you need a little help. Then watch out for an eagle to show up.

Sarah hugs CHARLIE

Sarah

Thank you.It’s beautiful. Your grandmother’s? Are you sure Charlie? We don’t often get eagles in the city though we could sure use an eagle about now.

CHARLIE

Maybe it oughta be a horse? Had a dream about a horse last night. Couldn’t figure it out. Maybe it was the pickles I ate with my poutine. Maybe it was the poutine, too much gravy giving me wild horse dreams. This morning I had a brilliant breakfast, cold pizza and coke, my fave eh SARAH. That caffeine fires up my old brain. Then I had this epiphany. You are going on a journey. That’s the meaning of the horse dream.

Sarah

I am going to miss you my friend and especially your stories. I’ll still be here in the city though, I am city girl for sure CHARLIE. Maybe we’ll run into each other.

CHARLIE

No, I am going to stay with my sister. Heading out to Las Vegas on the Greyhound. Gonna play the slots, see some shows. And you are not going to be here either SARAH. My horse dream says you are going on a journey, a real big journey that is more than going from one place to another. Look for eagles SARAH.

Crying Sarah hugs CHARLIE F.O

EXT. UNIVERSITY RESIDENTIAL STREET-DAY SUMMER- ESTABLISHING

EXT. SARAH’S HOUSE-DAY-ESTABLISHING

INT. SARAH’S LIVING ROOM/OFFICE-DAY

The room is modern and arty. It is untidy with office mess and Eli’s toys. Sarah is talking fast on the phone while sticking stamps on envelopes. Eli is playing on the floor with Lego.

Sarah cont.

It was bloody awful CLAIRE. I cried through the whole moving closing down process. I even cried at the luncheon. And there is the not so small matter of not having a job. Love you, gotta go and make supper, bye.

That’s great Eli. What is it? We had better clean up some of this mess and make supper. Would you like fish sticks? Maybe some peas and baked potato With butter? How’s that sound?

ELI WARWICK

Noooo! Let’s go to MacDonald’s!

INT. KITCHEN-DAY

Sarah carries a pile of mail envelopes and papers to the kitchen where there is a recycling bin. Sarah puts some of the paper in the bin, cursing the bills and retrieves the local paper and an envelope.

Sarah cont.

Hey, looks like an early birthday card.

Sarah leans against the counter top, opens the card and begins to read.

V.O. PROFESSOR RAY STANTON

I’m really sorry SARAH. I know it’s your birthday. However, I have to say this now, in this cowardly way, I’m sorry. Very sorry, you know I’m nothing more than a shallow selfish person, totally unsuitable to step parent a little boy. Unable to commit, I am in short, perfectly useless at relationships, and can only manage serial flings. I just can’t provide the sort of commitment raising a child needs. Forgive me, you will always be in my heart. And BTW I can’t do the birthday party at your friends,they would smell a rat and probably beat me to death with their handbags. Ray. Again really, really sorry.

Sarah

Muttering quietly, angry tears.

You bastard dick head. A year of eating your mother’s soggy vegetables. Good bloody ridence.

INT.LIVING ROOM-DAY

ELI

Mom, I want to go to McDonald’s, and I don’t want fish sticks!

Sarah reaches for her wine glass she hides behind the newspaper, suppressing sobs.

Sarah

Talking to herself, ignoring ELI.

God, I have to find a job soon or it will be Mr. Noodle for supper. Never mind McDonald’s. This paper is ready for the bin, it’s a week old. Cat up a tree story, boring! Oh my God, there’s a job fair for hospital staff. Holy shit, it’s on now! How can that be? It closes at 5. O.K. Eli, McDonald’s it is. Get a clean T shirt on,super fast.

ELI

Mom, don’t swear or you won’t get any desert.

Sarah is running like a mad woman from room to room, half suit on and half off. Rifling through papers to find her last copy of slightly tatty resume

Sarah

Oh my God, Oh my God. Am I too wrinkly? This will have to do Where are my resumes? Just this one left and the corners bent. Dam Hope there’s enough gas in the car, no time to stop. Need some parking Loonies. Come on Eli, we have to run, now!

EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT-OUTSIDE OF A CONVENTION CENTRE-DAY

EXT. ESTABLISHING- Sarah and Eli running towards doors of CONVENTION CENTRE-DAY

INT.CONFERENCE CENTRE-DAY

Sarah and Eli enter as the displays are being taken down. They half run. She looks frantically at some of the remaining displays and passes them off. She notices a display still up and a couple of women with tags standing handing out brochures. Sarah looks at the large picture notice board. It shows an image of a spruce forest and a river with a bridge. People are canoeing on the river. A large flashy banner reads;

COME TO THE YUKON FOR A GREAT LIFESTYLE NATURE’S PLAYGROUND.

Sarah

Talking to herself.

God, it’s the bloody north pole.We don’t want to go there.Where are the jobs for the city? I’m sure there isn’t a Starbucks, or a wine bar. What would we do? I’d go completely mad..

Sarah

Hello there, can I leave a resume with you, sorry its a bit bent, it’s my last one. Very busy with job hunting. The layoffs you know. I’m a mental health worker. It says you are looking for hospital workers in all fields. I have my degree, registered with association, insurance and references.

The H.R. lady takes her resume.

H.R. LADY

Sure. Are you interested in the far North? We have a good school you . know, and the northern pay scale is very generous.

Sarah

Is there day care available? A health food grocery perhaps?

H.R. LADY

Well (laughing) the healthy lifestyle is what we have in abundance. Do you like canoeing or perhaps snow shoeing.? And we have really healthy wild organic meat. Moose stew is a local favourite

Sarah

V.O. Dear God, please let me get a proper job in the City. This is a completely mad non starter for them and for me.

Sarah

Thanks, look forward to hearing from you.

V.O. SARAH.. Well that was a bloody waste of time. I wonder how much they pay?

Come on Eli, before we get a parking ticket. McDonald’s here we come.

ELI

Do they eat fish sticks Mum. I really don’t like fish sticks.

Sarah

FADE OUT Blueberries, they eat blueberries. You like blueberries

ELI

They ‘re OK. with syrup. How about ice cream for desert Mom, after all I have been really good.

INT.POSH WINE BAR-NIGHT

Sarah and her friends; PORTIA a lawyer, ZOEY a social work colleague, CLAIRE a nurse, Are all wearing formal evening dresses. They have just attended the symphony.

PORTIA

It’s so busy at work. I don’t know how I’m going to get the football Game supper ready for Bob and his friends. Perhaps I’ll just have it catered.

Sarah

Sounds a bit pricey on your article student salary. Get Bob to arrange it himself. They probably just want burgers and beer anyway.

ZOEY

I just loved Carmen. It’s my absolute fave. Are we getting season Tickets?

CLAIRE

That’s not happening this year. My son is going to need braces. Maybe we can find some discount codes somewhere?

Sarah

I can’t commit to anything except next month’s rent. Not Until I get this job thing sorted. So far the only possible glimmer of light, is a job in the Yukon. And I don’t bloody want to go. They haven’t called me yet. I am scared shitless they will, and I am scared shitless they won’t.

PORTIA

Don’t go then. Wait, something will turn up. Go on the pogey. You could go to my family’s cabin on the lake, hang out there. I actually hate my job. I thought it would be exciting. You know, courtroom drama, sexy black stockings and high heels. Instead all I do is boring real estate conveyancing. Endless paper shuffling. I think I’ll make some potato salad for Bob, he likes that, maybe some chicken and apple pie. I’ll buy it from the store and put it in a pie dish. He won’t notice.

Sarah

I was looking on the internet. Sometimes its minus 50C, that’s like being in a blooming meat freezer. How would I dress Eli for that? God, I feel depressed, pass the vino.

CLAIRE

Well, they have not even called you yet. How much do they pay? There is a job at the detox. You would have to start at 5 am and the pay sucks.

Sarah

I would have to get Eli up at 3.30 am. So that’s a non starter, but thanks anyway.

PORTIA

Well I think it’s mad. You are a city girl. Don’t we have good lives, good prospects? What’s the population there? Not that it matters. They have probably picked up your negative vibes, which is why they haven’t called you.

CLAIRE

For a really good time, you could just get married and settle down. Have a couple of kids like me. It’s just a laugh a minute. Today I called the nanny to see how the kids were doing. She was sitting at the pool, enjoying a cold drink. The kids were having an awesome time. I could hear them laughing and splashing about. I might quit and stay home. Except we have payments on the big arse car, and the big arse house.

Sarah

V.O. Sarah. None of this seems very appealing either. Extreme boredom

And struggle for what? Who here is really happy?

Sarah

I ‘m going back to volunteering. That’s how I got my start arranging lunches for seniors, playing bingo with ladies with dementia. I’m not giving up. And hopefully I am not going to the land of the midnight sun and frostbite.

PORTIA

What happened to that College instructor you were seeing?

Sarah

He’s having a fling with a student. Really, he wasn’t the One He can fling about all he likes. We are still friends, well more like frenemies!

ZOEY

I want some excitement in my life. I just don’t know what it is. I feel flat. I know, let’s volunteer at the Jazz Fest!

CLAIRE

Really, volunteering? Sounds like more work. I want a holiday somewhere exotic.

PORTIA

We should start winding this down.Early day in the salt mines of the legal

profession. See you for drinks on Friday, my place. That way the wine Is free.

ZOEY

I was at a singles dance last week. I needed a bit of livening up. I drank too much and left with the Elvis impersonator! Boredom is dangerous. I don’t think the symphony is doing it for me anymore. We did it on top of the washing machine. The spin cycle was really something!

CLAIRE

OMG You are going to need an appointment at the STD clinic!

Sarah

Here, take some of my condoms. No action here.

PORTIA

Maybe a dog would be a better idea! They are so much less demanding than a man. You don’t for instance, have to cater a football lunch after a God awful week at the office. But really girl you have to raise the bar. The Elvis impersonator! Dear God.

CLAIRE

And next time you go man hunting,, make sure he is sufficiently rich that the office will not be required. You could sit by the pool instead of the nanny.

Sarah

And not worry about being evicted, or losing your job.

ZOEY

I think I’m going to try being a lesbian. They seem to have really good social lives.

PORTIA

It doesn’t work like that Zoey! I’m off! Good night!

Sarah

I’m going home to my little boy, and hope for the best. Tomorrow I am volunteering at seniors bingo. I need sleep. Something will turn up.

INT.SARAH’S BEDROOM-NIGHT

Phone rings. Sarah wakes and answers phone. SARAH’S parents are singing Happy Birthday.

Sarah

Mom? Dad? yes it’s just after midnight here. Yes I know it’s about 8 in the morning. Thank you for the the birthday song. Just very tired you know, yes the senior’s centre closed a couple of days ago.

DOROTHY WARWICK

We thought we would send you a subscription to Country Life and a Marks and Spencer’s overseas treat hamper.

Sarah

Thanks Mom. Can I have a word with Dad please. Hi there Dad. I was wondering if this year you could send me some cash for my birthday. Laid off not much yet in the way of a sensible job. How much? It’s going to take me a couple of months. I will get a bit from unemployment, pogey you know. Can you manage a thousand. No I meant a thousand pounds, not dollars.

VICTOR WARWICK

You know your mother just had the kitchen redone? and we are off to Italy next week, this is an expensive month Sarah. We did all we could for you. Expensive girls’ schools, the ballet and piano lessons. Yes, I know you paid your way through Uni. Now if you could do that, why can’t you be more independent and take care of yourself now. When I was in the Army, the first rule was depend on no one but yourself, stand up on your own two feet. And your grandmother had to cope with rationing. You are an adult. Time to grow up SARAH. You should never have left your husband. You were the first divorce in the family.Our friends were quite shocked. Your poor Mother was so embarrassed. No, I am afraid there won’t be any money Sarah.

Sarah

Dad, I am a single mother.I was laid off, the centre closed down.I cannot just magic up a job. It’s not my fault. Surely to God …Dad, Dad?

INT.SARAH’S BEDROOM-DAY/MORNING

Phone ringing Sarah is in bed half asleep.

Sarah

Where is the bloody phone? Hello, who is this? Yes, this Is Sarah Warwick? Right, yes. Really? What is the salary? The accommodation is provided. But I would have to give notice right away which would affect my damage deposit. And there’s my furniture and personal belongings, OK sounds good. The contracts will be here today? I will need 24 hours to review. Thank you for calling me. Yes. Talk soon.

ELI

Mom, I’m hungry and thirsty now! I want pancakes! Mom I said I want pancakes.

Eli enters Sarah’s room.

ELI cont.

Why are you crying Mom?

Sarah

Well, we like adventures don’t we?

ELI

Speaking slowly

Yah! You mean like the Jurassic Park movie?

Sarah

Sometimes adventures can be scary, and fun too!

ELI

Mom, it’s only a movie you don’t have to be so scared, The dinosaurs are just robots!

Sarah

Yes. But we are going on a real adventure, and things are going to be very different. We will be living in a log cabin. I will be working at the hospital and you will have a new, very nice day care. There’s going to be lots of snow and its going to be very cold in winter.

ELI

Where are we going?

Sarah

Very far north, to the Yukon.

ELI

Is it that north pole where Santa lives?

Sarah

Pretty close. Some good things are the cabin has a log burning fireplace. There are snowmobiles up there. We can probably go for a ride. There are lots of wild animals; bears, moose, deer, and there are northern lights which look like something from outer space. Let’s make those pancakes.

Sarah V.O.

Just maybe something will come through. I still have 24 hours before I have to sign on the dotted line.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper

What I learned from the assignment: I need to know more about budgeting. It was challenging to use such a compressed way of describing the screenplay and make it sound as exciting as it really is.

Business Decisions for Old Buffalo Hospital Screenplay pilot for mini series.

Genre: Romance/Drama

Title Old Buffalo Hospital

Concept: Elevator pitch:

What might happen when a single unemployed mother takes a job in a Yukon bush hospital?

Concept Expanded version.

A city girl and single mother is laid off from her social work job. Desperate to be a good provider for her son,she reluctantly takes a job in a Yukon bush hospital. The job is far beyond her skill level. Forging alliances in the village,she saves the community from a drug dealing doctor, finds romance and engages in indigenous cultural practises to help her cope with extreme life changes.

Audience

Adult PG, target age groups 25- 50 Female’ main customer avatar.

Budget 10 million based on cost of other mini series.

Lead Characters:

Story is built around Sarah Warwick. Sarah is from the UK. She is a 30 something professional.. Modern, attractive, groomed to a city girl standard, morphs over the season to an outdoor mode of casual dress. She is intelligent within her own universe. However she does not have the skills to understand or operate in her new Yukon environment. She is a reluctant heroine, a wounded healer. Her reason for being, and willingness to undertake a potentially dangerous and strange environment is driven by her love and need to provide for her son Eli, a five year old boy.

Dr. Teddy Suleiman Chief of Medical Staff, antagonist.

Suleiman is from an unspecified African country. He is tall, well built and very handsome. He has a deep voice and is weirdly charismatic in an evil way. He has a network of illegal drug distributors and links to Hell’s Angels. He intimidates hospital staff to get his way, finding ways to compromise people he needs to distribute for him. He has a one way character arc of pure evil with no redeeming features. He is a narcissist, a sociopath and deluded.

Dr. Paul Murphy, Junior doctor, lover. His appearance exudes bad boy good looks, yet he is the almost perfect man. He is kind, considerate and cares about the people in the community.. He wants to be a healer rather than just a doctor. His secret is that he watches Mash reruns every night and wishes to be Alan Alda . Flaws: He feels confused about his future life path. He has no insight regarding his mommy’s boy tendencies. He is codependent. He quickly falls for Sarah. He has multiple competitors. Sarah finds him irresistible.

Cody: local hero, works with youth, and local prisoners, teaches traditional skills. Cody, an aboriginal, is the first man Sarah meets on her adventure. He has stunning good looks, an easy manner and a dry sense of humour. There is sexual chemistry between Cody and Sarah. He has excellent bush survival skills. He is Paul’s rival for Sarah. He is confident in himself ;this is his world.. He is also a recovering alcoholic on the fourth step, attending meetings in a town 100 kilometres away; he hopes no one will know. He is a poet and an artist.

The main journey is Sarah’s metamorphosis from city girl with middle class aspirations, anxious, reluctant to change the status quo. She is forced to make a decision which is life changing for herself and her son in ways she could not possibly imagine. She is made aware of tragedies in the community and this causes her focus to shift from self preservation to acting for the greater good of the community..

Opening:

We enter Sarah’s world at the closing of the old folks centre where she works. .Foreboding: An elderly aboriginal man who attends the centre gives Sarah a talisman which foretells a journey. Sarah wants to stay where she is in the city. She is fearful of change, already having weathered changes of immigration and a divorce, she just wants to settle down,

We witness Sarah grapple with money and unemployment stress, and her boyfriend dumping her.. Her peer group both support and challenge her to resolve the issues. She is desperately short of money. Sarah’s very self centred parents refuse to bail her out. The final straw to accept a job offer in the wild Yukon happens while overhearing a spiteful comment from her friend. She comments that Sarah is clothing Eli in second hand clothes; will it be second hand shoes next? Then the northern adventure begins.

Ending

Sarah and her conduct a raid on Suleiman’s office and residence. It ends in a shootout, with Suleiman being killed, and one of the team wounded.

Sarah is granted health leave and returns to civilization with Eli. She is still unsure about staying in the north and needs time to recover from P.T.S.D. All of Sarah’s suitors (there are three) attempt to pursue her to the island. Only Paul succeeds. The final scene is a romantic beach reunion. Happy Ever After Ending.

What improvements need to be made:

Paul’s character needs more dialogue in order for the audience to appreciate all of his dimensions.

[anna harper]

Hello Cheryl, please can you advise on the following: I am copying and pasting from a doc I created in Libris, in order that I can edit before I post. When I post, weird stuff is on the forum page which states the font size on most lines. Any suggestions appreciated. Thanks

[anna harper]

<font size=”3″>Anna Harper</font>

<font size=”3″>Romance Drama Writing for genre specific screenplays.</font>

<font size=”3″>What I learned from doing this assignment:</font>

<font size=”3″>To do a proper job I first researched various screenwriters on their ideas of what the romance genre must deliver on. Various and unique tropes are a must for all of the genre and sub genres of romance writing, and they are quite different in focus. The different requirements are not something I had considered or analyzed before. I can now see how important it is to make sure all the unique elements for a sub genre must be present for success at the box office.</font>

<font size=”3″>Moonstruck: staring Cher and Nicholas Cage</font>

<font size=”3″>Romantic Comedy</font>

<font size=”3″>Here are some of the highlights of how Moonstruck delivers on the conventions for this sub genre.</font>

<font size=”3″>I have not noted emotional upheaval as it is constantly present throughout the story. Conventions in bold. The humour is mainly derived via Italian American banter and irony throughout the movie.</font>

<font size=”3″>The protagonist, Loretta (Cher) is still grieving for her dead husband. She feels her future needs the security of a good man. She chooses to enter into a loveless engagement with Johnny Cammari, a mommy’s boy. (first male in the love triangle) There is no chemistry between the engaged couple. Johnny is satisfied to have Loretta take on the role of mothering him. Loretta’s family do not like Johnny. His wimpy ways do not fit with the family’s vibe, which is that of a spirited Italian American family.</font>

<font size=”3″>Elements of Chick flick appear with the significant comedic interaction between family and friends as a backdrop to the story. As Eric Edson (The Story Solution) states, “Romantic comedies can also be more like Chick Flicks, highlighting a romantic relationship within a larger scheme of characters and relationships”. </font>

<font size=”3″>A key trop of the romance genre is the character arc of the female protagonist. At the beginning of the movie we see Loretta as a dowdy, woman with serious self esteem issues. She imagines that she draws bad luck. She blames her father for not funding her last wedding as a curse on her relationships. </font>

<font size=”3″>Enter Ronny. (Nicholas Cage). second male in the love triangle</font>

<font size=”3″>Loretta is dispatched by her fiance, (he is in Italy visiting his dying/not dying mother), to take a personal invite to his brother Ronny. He explains to Loretta, who is reluctant to take on the task, that she must do this as there has been bad blood between the two brothers. He gives no explanation.</font>

<font size=”3″>Blocks to potential romance Loretta meets Ronny at his place of work, a bakery. He is much more attractive than his brother (naturally its Nicholas Cage). Has a temper, terrifies his employees, and explodes at the idea of attending the wedding. He feels that his brother ruined his life by distracting him at work and causing his hand to be amputated in a bread slicing machine. His fiance, at the time, left him.</font>

<font size=”3″>Loretta tries to persuade him to attend the wedding, he rejects her. Eventually she wins him over to have a ‘talk’. There is a barely discernible shift in the tone between them, subtext. They go upstairs in the bakery to Ronny’s apartment. They share whisky, he explains he loves opera. They continue to bait each other until Nicholas carries her off to bed. Loretta slaps him when he says he loves her. And then she, almost immediately, accepts an invitation with Ronny to attend La Boheme at the Met. Loretta agrees to the opera on condition that this is the end of it as she is going to marry Johnny.</font>

<font size=”3″>Character arc: Loretta is now very conflicted. She tries going to confession. She is still conflicted. Then she feels motivated to transform herself for opera. In an afternoon she goes from dowdy widow, to drop dead Diva. (Cinderella trop)</font>

<font size=”3″>There is a private moment where she is preparing to go to the opera, and in this moment her actions; admiring her new clothes, trying out new make up and enjoying her solitude, show development of stronger self esteem. </font>

<font size=”3″>The opera makes them both emotional, the romantic connection is cemented. After the opera Loretta argues with Ronny that nothing can come of this, she is betrothed. Without too much difficulty, Ronny persuades her back to his place in his usual angry passionate way and they spend the night together.</font>

<font size=”3″>That evening Johnny the fiance shows up back from Italy. He wants to know where Loretta is; it’s late at night. Johnny seems oblivious. He returns the next day at breakfast, to find Ronny and all the family and friends at the breakfast table. The cat is let out of the bag. Everyone except Johnny know there’s something sizzling between Loretta and Ronny.</font>

<font size=”3″>Johnny tells Loretta he cannot marry her (he has not figured it out yet) as he has to return to take care of his mother. He dumps her. Loretta is mortified at the loss of a respectable marriage. At this point, Loretta is relieved of her emotional turmoil when Ronny proposes to her at the breakfast table in front of everyone. HEA.</font>

<font size=”3″>I give this movie 5 stars. I have watched it at least 5 times over the years.</font>

<font size=”3″>Bridget Jones Diary</font>

<font size=”3″>Chick Flick</font>

<font size=”3″>Bridget Jones Diary</font>

<font size=”3″>Bridget Jones Renee Zellweger</font>

<font size=”3″>Mark Darcy Colin Firth</font>

<font size=”3″>Daniel Clever Hugh Grant</font>

<font size=”3″>Conventions necessary for a chick flick in bold</font>

<font size=”3″>This movie was made in 2001. As such the comic element may not be so attractive to today’s single 30 something woman to watch with her friends. The comic element feels very dated, not vintage. It’s still a fun movie, light fare, however, some of the dialogue could be really offensive to women.</font>

<font size=”3″>This movie is about an evolving love triangle. The first scenes opens with Bridget not loving herself, being disgusted with her smoking habit and drinking too much, obsessed with her weight, a sort of reverse narcissist. She also feels like a failure as she is without a significant romantic relationship. She is at home, drinking too much and singing victim love songs. Cinderella trop</font>

<font size=”3″>Chick Flicks conventions require an interplay of the romance element and a backdrop of other relationships, family dynamics and supportive peer groups. B.D.s Diary delivers well with parallel romance difficulties and betrayals in Bridget’s parent’s marriage, and a quirky peer group egging her on with her developing secret infatuation with her boss, Daniel Cleaver. He is the ultimate bad boyfriend. Totally selfish, unable to commit, superficial, no empathy for the women who fall for him. </font>

<font size=”3″>Mark Darcy (Colin Firth) is the other part of the love triangle convention. His character traits mimic to a certain extent Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice. Mark is serious, moody and superior. He makes his first appearance at a Christmas dinner for families and friends organized by Bridget’s interfering mother. He is appalled by Bridget’s lack of social graces and let’s her know he is not interested. Bridget feels humiliated and angry. Convention alert: Initial conflict of future lovers</font>

<font size=”3″>Bridget uses her diary as a sounding board, and decides to set goals for self improvement in order to get Daniel bad boy Clever to take note. She succeeds and proceeds to reject him in order to stoke the attraction frisson. A romance of sorts develops.</font>

<font size=”3″>At a weekend away at a country hotel, Bridget and Daniel run into Mark Darcy and his snotty girlfriend. Mark begins to notice how much fun Bridget and Daniel are having compared to his stuffy weekend. He starts to appreciate who Bridget is. She on the other hand is still feeling hurt from their previous encounter over the turkey curry buffet. So no chemistry there, yet.</font>

<font size=”3″>Bridget thinks Daniel has serious intentions and tells him she loves him. This of course breaks the spell and Daniel dumps her, and immediately runs off to a liaison with another woman. Bridget returns from the weekend to discover another woman in his bathroom. She descends into despair. Her friends try to cheer her up to no avail. Chick flick essential ingredient; friends.</font>

<font size=”3″>A turning point for Bridget is her success at landing a new job (Heroine, good news, change) away from working for Daniel. She makes a memorable debut of sliding down a fire pole while interviewing a fire chief. The news report is seen by Mark Darcy. He lets Bridget know how much he enjoyed it, (without mocking her).</font>

<font size=”3″>Later a conversation takes place between Bridget and Mark as they have a very friendly chat in the coat closet at a really dreadful party for couples and married people. The snotty girlfriend is attending with Mark. She really has her hooks into Mark. (Another triangle). Mark tells Bridget he likes her just the way she is. This has an emotional impact on Bridget. Turning point for both Bridget and Mark.</font>

<font size=”3″>Synchronicity: Mark comes to Bridget’s rescue when she drops the ball, missing a very important news interview. Mark is the lawyer at a landmark Human Rights trial. He arranges for Bridget to have an exclusive interview and saves the day. </font>

<font size=”3″>Bridget’s perspective on Mark shifts. She is feeling more and more attracted to the person she initially disliked. (Initially conflicted characters become lovers, they are on the way).</font>

<font size=”3″>Bridget’s birthday rolls around. She is cooking a disastrous dinner for her friends when Mark shows up at her door. He comes to the rescue as best as he can. There is definitely chemistry developing while the try cooking together. The friends arrive, somewhat astonished to see Bridget has a man in tow. The evening is going nicely when bad boy Daniel shows up. He tries to show his</font>

<font size=”3″>ownership of Bridget, manipulating her to come back to him. Mark decides to leave, thoroughly disgusted with Daniel’s sleazy moves, he invites Daniel to a punch up and a settling of old scores. Daniel (formerly Mark’s best man) had seduced Mark’s former wife.</font>

<font size=”3″>There is a really good fight scene, with Mark coming out best. Bridget is unaware of Daniel’s ruining Mark’s marriage, so she of course runs to rescue ‘Daniel the sleeze’, and berate Mark.</font>

<font size=”3″>Mark is out, Daniel thinks he is back in. But he is not. Bridget’s self esteem and strength of character has evolved. She tells him she wants something extraordinary and she is not willing to settle for him. ( Essential convention of female protagonist evolving).</font>

<font size=”3″>It’s Christmas, again. We find Bridget depressed at her parents’ house. It seems there is yet another family and friends party to go to, and low and behold Mark Darcy will be there.</font>

<font size=”3″>At this great good news, (necessary turning points for a successful script Heroine/good news, change)) our heroine decides to give it another go and immediately (Cinderella trop) throws away her flannel pyjamas and dons a sexy black dress, and off to the ball to hopefully snag Mark Darcy. Unfortunately, he is there with the snotty girlfriend.</font>

<font size=”3″>There is the seasonal raising of glasses and it is announced the Mark has a prestigious appointment in New York, and may soon also be engaged. (to the snotty girlfriend).</font>

<font size=”3″>A distressed Bridget well lubricated with champagne, makes an incoherent speech to all and sundry saying that Mark must not go. Mark looks with deep understanding at Bridget. He knows she loves him. (The love triangle has well and truly shifted its energy), however Mark does go to N.Y.</font>

<font size=”3″>As the New Year rolls round, Bridget’s friends arrive to take her on a therapeutic surprise weekend to Paris. (Chick Flick essential peer support group).</font>

<font size=”3″>At the same time Mark Darcy arrives, amid gently falling snowflakes, he declares his love in a subtext kind of way, and says he ‘had left something behind’ and had to come back to England. Bridget does not go to Paris. They go upstairs instead. On again off again, on again.</font>

<font size=”3″>While Bridget dons some attractive underwear for the occasion, Mark finds her diary, the one with the life goals and self improvement measurements. Unfortunately, it contains a good deal of nasty angry references to Mark. Mark leaves. Oh no!</font>

<font size=”3″>Bridget comes out to find him gone, and leans out of the window (like Juliette calling Romeo) pleading with him to come back. She then runs frantically through the city of London streets in her knickers and a cardigan looking for Mark. He is in a book shop. She sees him as he exits. Bridget apologizes, and because Mark is an all round superior and intelligent human being, he says he understands that the diary was just venting and suggest his gift of a new diary is a new start.</font>

<font size=”3″>Then there is probably one of the best slow kiss scenes ever. HEA.</font>

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Old Buffalo Hospital

What I learned from this exercise. I should have done this before writing the script!

Small changes in the outline make the character more fully dimensional.

CONVENTIONS

Bolded text indicates character changes or additions.

Traditional knowledge refers to First Nations/Aboriginal spiritual practices and cosmology, ie spirit animals.

Small changes in the outline make the character more fully dimensional.

Log line What would happen if an unemployed single mother accepted a job in a Yukon bush hospital?

Character Profiles

1. SARAH WARWICK unemployed social worker. British. Single mother.

Role: Main protagonist, takes on the role of a mental health worker in a Yukon bush hospital.

Core Character Traits: Loving, empathic, insecure, is reluctantly brave.

Character sub text log line: A harsh upbringing, soul wounds. She heals through loving her son and providing him with a more nurturing home life. She feels called to work in the helping professions.

Flaw: She tries to hide her issues. Her friends know exactly who she is.

Wants/Needs Prefers to maintain the status quo. She wants love and security.

Mission: to raise her son in a happy home.

World view: All you need is love.

Metaphor: Wounded Healer

Secret: She wants a man in her life but will never admit that to herself as she perceives it as a weakness.

Doesn’t want to admit: She has an anxiety disorder and sometimes drinks to cope and has not sort out help.

Unique: She is a foreigner, in another layer of foreignness in a new environment.

2. DR TEDDY SULEMAN

Role: Antagonist: Chief of Medical Staff, Drug Dealer

Core Traits: Delusional, narcissistic, sociopath.

LL sub text: Lives in an unreal world in his head.

Mission: Power:

Worldview: People do not understand his greatness. He should at least be a Minister back in his homeland.

Character Arc: Is only a one way escalation of evil.

Life Metaphor: Admires and models himself on Desmond Tutu. Despot.

Secret: He has E.D. His wife has affairs. Unknown to him, his kids are starting to use recreational drugs.

Doesn’t want to admit: His family hate him

Unique: He is very handsome, well built, tall, deep voice. He is an honorary member of the Hell’s Angels.

DR PAUL CONNOR

Role: Junior Doctor, Secondary Protagonist, one of Sarah’s romantic interests. Irish.

Key Traits: A genuine, really decent guy. Intelligent, romantic.

Subtext Logline: He wants to be a healer, not just a doctor. Still waters run deep. Don’t judge the affable exterior of this book by it’s cover.

Flaw: He doesn’t have any. Yet. He is the perfect man, almost. He has zero insight into his needy personality

Mission: To do his expected life tasks; be a good son, a good doctor, get married (Catholic) have 2.5 kids, have his own practice. Would also like to runaway on a motorbike.

World View: The world is his oyster.

Life Metaphor: A ‘lost’ healer, waiting for a magician with magic beans to show up and show the way.

Secret: He watches MASH reruns every night, and wants to be Alan Alda.

Unique: He’s an an expert lover; but hasn’t gotten any in over a year and doesn’t know why.

BONNIE

Role: Secondary Protagonist, Sarah’s assistant.

Core Traits: Integrity, loving wife and mother, very competent at anything she puts her hand to, traditional knowledge.

Subtext: I don’t feel appreciated. I’ll try harder.

Flaw: Doesn’t have any. Well, maybe one secret flaw.

Mission: To care of and save my community.

World view: I love my community; the changes out there in the larger world, are here and I don’t like those changes.

Life metaphor: A potential leader; ignored, wasted potential.

Secret: I secretly want to run for town council. My husband would not approve. I have had an on and off affair with Cody

CODY

Role: Secondary Protagonist, Youth Group Leader, works with inmates.

Core Traits: Heroic, traditional knowledge and beliefs. An adventurer.

Subtext LL. Tough outside, fragile inside.

Flaw: Alcoholic. He is currently sober attends weekly AA meeting in a town 100 kilometres away. He is on the fourth step.

Want/need He wants to stay sober and heal his relationships with his children.

Character Arc: The story commences with Cody being a hero and a flirt. He gets involved with saving the community from drugs. He is genuinely attracted to Sarah. End point he is thwarted in his romantic pursuits, has to cope with disappointment without drinking..

World view: Confused. He does not know the next step in his life, the bigger picture. He is considering becoming an environmental advocate.

Identity/life metaphor: Wounded/healing Warrior.

Secret (s) He has a lot of secrets. He would like to stop his compulsive over compensating womanizing and settle down.

Does not want to admit: Sometimes he gets depressed and feels like a failure. He thinks about leaving the community and starting over. He has made several suicide attempts.

Unique: He writes poetry and paints.

[anna harper]

Anna’s Linkedin Profile is amazing!

Actually it is not. Over the next 30 days there are some things I can do. I will reach out to the producers I do know after I have added photo and 10 page sample.

[anna harper]

Assignment 1 for Credibility

Anna Harper

What I learned from this assignment is that I have a long way to go, and it will take time to build. Unsure what to do as I have so little on offer at the moment. Better write another script.

Take 15 minutes and fill in the checklist.

CREDIBILITY CHECKLIST

1. Your Writing Sample

I am unsure about what to do with this and need to consider which ten pages.

No Recommend, it delivers on the genre. I need to learn more to decide if it delivers on the business decisions.

– ‘Recommend’ from Coverage

– Delivers on the genre in a strong way

– Delivers on the business decisions

2. Screenwriting Accomplishments

A finished screenplay, however, cannot make the title public. .

None of the remainder in this section

– Contest wins

– Smaller deals (options, sales, writing assignments)

– Larger deals

– Movies produced

3. The Google factor

Google your name. How many items on the first page show you as a professional screenwriter?

Buzz posts, interviews, news reports, etc..

Nothing for a screenplay, have other stuff.

4. Your Network

How many producers are in your network? 3 Producers in my network

How many Connections do you have who are connected to producers?

None

5. Education specific to screenwriting No

– Degree in film or screenwriting

– Master Screenwriter Certificate program at ScreenwritingU

6. Borrowed Credibility No

– Represented by an agent or manager

– Working with a producer

– Connected to a star

– Connected to a funding source

None

7. IMDB CREDITS

Go to [url=”http://imdb.com/”]http://IMDB.com[/url] and search your name. What credits show up there for you? None

8. Other forms of credibility that is related to screenwriting:

– Novels published One: The Village Fringe

– Producer or director experience No

– Experience working with agencies, production companies, film festivals, etc..No

[anna harper]

Anna Harper

Budget 5 million for OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL

Budget for The Village Fringe 250 GBP per episode based on similar projects.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper

Projects and insights.

Projects I am bringing to the class are The Village Fringe , a rom com I have on Amazon. I would like to use a segment for a TV pilot.

A screenplay which has been re drafted so many times I have lost count. Still working on it in the Rewrite class. It is my first screenplay, developed in Hal’s 30 Day Script class.

OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL SYNOPSIS

SARAH WARWICK a social work employee is laid off from her failing non profit job where she works with senior citizens. She is a single mother to ELI a five year old boy.

Financially strapped she has to find work quickly.SARAH is offered a job far away from her city life and friends,in a Yukon bush hospital serving the indigenous community. She reluctantly agrees to go north with her son.

As SARAH arrives at the edge of the bush community,CODY a very good looking Aboriginal man,appears just in time to save her life from a dangerous herd of buffalo. CODY pursues SARAH as a romantic interest.

SARAH is out of her depth with no experience working in a very different cultural environment, experiencing hard social issues.

She is shocked by the level of addiction in the village and is quickly drawn into uncovering a drug ring with a powerful leader, the Chief of Medical staff, Dr. Teddy Sulaman, a Nigerian emigre. One of the junior doctors, PAUL MURPHY, becomes SARAH’S romantic interest.

In order to survive and thrive in the new and strange environment,SARAH embraces various practices such as the sweat lodge,and quickly makes friends with people who help her through a mire of crime and cover-ups. She is invited into a select group of people who meet in secret, to deal with Dr. Sulaman. There is a ‘mole’ in the group who is a distributor for Dr. Sulaman. He almost destroys their efforts to have Dr. Sulaman arrested. One of the group JEREMIAH is a successful local farmer, he also pursues SARAH.

As a single mother, SARAH has to create an understanding of their life changes to ELI. She is worried about the dangers he is exposed to. ELI seems to take everything in stride, interested in wildlife and eating moose stew. Threats to their safety leave SARAH no choice, she puts ELI on a plane back home to stay with his father while SARAH concludes finding proof of DR SULAMAN’S crimes. A shoot out between the local police, hospital workers Dr. Sulaman and SARAH. kills off DR SULAMAN, leaving behind his drug network,able to resurface like a many headed monster.

SARAH is very conflicted about staying in the community to help her new friends. She still has financial problems and is concerned for ELI’s safety. Her romance with Dr.PAUL MURPHY becomes intimate. SARAH is experiencing PTSD as a result of the shoot out and decides to take leave. Her intention is to go to Hornby Island where she will spend time recovering with her son and decide what to do.

In the process of leaving, she discovers that the farmer, JEREMIAH, is one of the drug dealers. He dies (in his own) small plane crash while pursuing SARAH to Hornby Island.

CODY tries to follow her out to the island. His efforts are blocked by a massive herd of Buffalo on the bush road. PAUL MURPHY manages to track her down. The episode fades out with a romantic scene on the beach;however the question of will SARAH return to OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL remains unknown

What I learned from the teleconference

I felt both surprised and reassured with all of the points with regard to the business. For once I did not feel like a newbie. I feel confident that I can manage what is required with regard to the process and the step by step approach to getting the movie made.

I am more than happy to make changes to sculpt the script as a producer would require, and why not?

I also feel capable with regard to the interview process as much of my career has been consulting with clients. Again I am feeling at home with this process more than anything so far. Upgrading my script, learning all the process in Screenwritingu has been more of a challenge.

Our next assignment for credibility is going to be a huge challenge as I am so new to the industry.

[anna harper]

Hello, my name is Anna Harper. I fully agree to all of the terms in the Group release form.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper

What I got out of this learning opportunity: This was a challenging assignment for me. Mechanical as much as anything, learning a new software, loads of cutting and pasting, making a mess of things. I was pretty much ready to throw the computer out of the window, with format issues driving me bonkers. As for the beats and the separating out process, I was really shocked at how much change can be found from one cliche, and how much new writing it can generate. Looking at the beats helped me to think through which scenes were banal. The opening scene was very boring. Piling on the stressors as per Hals 30 Day Screenplay which I did in January really helped. I still have work to do.

Thanks to Hal and team for this course.

OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL

ACT 1

1.EXT.SENIORS’ DAY-CENTRE

(Rewrite. New Opening Scene. Previously opening scene, now scene 2).

Seniors’ centre in process of closing down. Emotional good bye’s. Elderly aboriginal man gives Sarah a talisman.

2..EXT. UNIVERSITY RESIDENTIAL STREET-DAY SUMMER- ESTABLISHING

Street and buildings to set the tone of the protagonist’s life

3.EXT. SARAH’S HOUSE-DAY-ESTABLISHING

4.INT. SARAH’S LIVING ROOM/OFFICE-DAY

Sarah is on the phone complaining about the lay off.

Rewrite. Sarah finds a birthday card/letter from her on and off boyfriend, dumping her.

5.INT.LIVING ROOM-DAY

Chaotic fast response to a possible job opportunity.

6.EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT-OUTSIDE OF A CONVENTION CENTRE-DAY

Continuing need for speed to apply for a job before job fair closes.

7.INT.CONFERENCE CENTRE-DAY

Sarah finds an opportunity to work in the far northern bush.

8.INT.POSH WINE BAR-NIGHT

SARAH’S peer group mull over their middle class problems while Sarah struggles with her job dilemma.

9.INT.SARAH’S BEDROOM-NIGHT

Rewrite: Sarah is sitting on a chair, looking out of the window, sipping tea and crying when the phone rings.SARAH’S parents wake her with a call from the UK to wish her happy birthday and turn down her request for financial help.

10.INT.SARAH’S BEDROOM-DAY/MORNING

Sarah gets an early morning call from the H.R. lady offering her a job.

11.EXT.PORTIA’S POSH HOUSE-EVENING- ESTABLISHING

Setting up the status of PORTIA’S life versus SARAH’S.

12.INT.PORTIA’S HOUSE-EVENING

The same group of friends weigh the pros and cons of a reluctant Sarah going to the Yukon.

13.EXT. PORTIA’S PATIO-NIGHT

Sarah’s old boyfriend drops by to wish her well. He gifts her with necessary survival equipment and gives her a dire warning.

14.INT. PORTIA’S HOUSE-EVENING

Sarah overhears a spiteful remark regarding her son Eli’s secpmd hand clothing. Sarah decides to take the job.

15.EXT. AERIAL VIEW OF SARAH’S CAR ON A LONG ROAD THROUGH THE NORTHERN BUSH-DAY

Establishing the major journey undertaken and the change of environment from City to isolated northern bush.

16.INT.SARAH’S CAR-DAY

Sarah and ELI are singing to cope with the boredom and fatigue of the long drive.

17.EXT.ROAD AROUND SARAH’S CAR-DAY

Sarah almost runs into a herd of Buffalo. Cody a local, guides Sarah to safety.

18.EXT.HOSPITAL HOSPITAL ROAD- SARAH’S CAR AND CODY’S BIKE-DAY

Orienting to the new environment, a small bush hospital.CODY and Sarah establish personal boundaries with a subtext of chemistry. ELI reacts to his new environment.

18.EXT.HOSPITAL ESTABLISHING-DAY.

SHOT stand alone showing building exterior.

Sarah and ELI approach and enter building.

19.INT.HOSPITAL RECEPTION-DAY Establishing

RECEPTIONIST greets and guides Sarah to hospital cafeteria.

20.INT.HOSPITAL CAFETERIA-DAY

Sarah and BONNIE meet for the first time and share personal and work information of a sensitive nature.

21.INT. SARAH’S OFFICE-DAY

Sarah talks to her first few patients and starts work a day early, straight from her journey.

22.INT. BONNIE’S RECEPTION AREA-DAY

BONNIE persuades Sarah to stay a little longer and meet the doctors as a good move.

23.INT.DOCTOR’S LOUNGE-DAY

Sarah is introduced to the three staff doctors. She has her first run in with Dr. Suleman, he threatens her.

24.INT.CONNIE’S RECEPTION AREA-NIGHT

Sarah confides in BONNIE. She tells her about Dr. Suleman’s threats. BONNIE fills her in on Dr. Suleman’s drug ring.

25.INT- GEOFFREY HOOKER’S OFFICE-EVENING/DAYLIGHT

Sarah asks GEOFFREY HOOKER, the hospital administrator for help in reporting Dr. Suleman. He warns Sarah off, and points out her fiscal vulnerability.

26.INT. Dr. Suleman’S OFFICE-EVENING/DAYLIGHT

GEOFFREY is instructed by Dr.Suleman to get Sarah in line. GEOFFREY indicated that he has been able to lean on others to co operate.

27.INT. SARAH’S BEDROOM-DAY/MORNING

Sarah is still sleeping when BONNIE calls her in. A teenager has tried to kill himself. He is one of Dr. Suleman’s patients.

28.INT.OFFICE SUITE, BONNIE’S RECEPTION AREA-DAY

BONNIE fills Sarah in on the details of the emergency.

29.INT.HOSPITAL HALLWAY-DAY

Sarah talks to the parents of the critically injured boy. Father is ready to assault Dr. Suleman who has left the area.

30.INT. BONNIE’S RECEPTION AREA

BONNIE updates Sarah on the plane evacuation and the whereabouts of DR Suleman. Sarah accepts Bonnie’s invite to a sweat lodge ceremony.

31.ESTABLISHING.CLEARING IN A BUSH AREA WITH A LAKE BEHIND THE SWEAT LODGE AND A LARGE FIRE BURNING

SOUNDS are crackling fire burning and drumming.

32.EXT. SWEAT LODGE-EVENING/STILL LIGHT

ROSE and her husband explain some of the sweat lodge culture.

33.INT.SWEAT LODGE

A traditional sweat is led by Rose. Participants are prisoners on day parole, Cody, Sarah, Rose’s husband and the rock man.

34.EXT.SWEAT LODGE.EVENING/BEFORE DARK.

Participants exit the sweat lodge exhausted and covered in sweat. Some go to the lake, some go over to a table for tea.

35.TRANSITION SHOT PAN TO LAKE

Cody and Sarah join others in the lake. Cody and Sarah enjoy a few playful and romantic minutes. ROSE observes surreptitiously.

36.INT. BONNIE’S FAMILY HOME-NIGHT

A group of concerned people from the Old Buffalo community come together to plan on a take down of DR Suleman’S drug dealing. There is a mole in the group unknown to the others.

37.EXT.CONNIE’S FARMHOUSE EVENING,VERY DARK STARS

Paul and Sarah have a conversation that becomes suggestive of romance. Paul invites Sarah on a casual date Sarah discloses her ambivalence about living in the north.

38.INT.SARAH’S BEDROOM-NIGHT

A late night call from Bonnie indicates that the group is planning a raid tomorrow. Sarah agrees to participate

39.INT. Dr. Suleman’S luxury vehicle-day

As Dr. Suleman drives out of the village on the bush road, a call comes through from the mole Jeremiah. He alerts Suleman to the raid.

40.Car chase includes killing a family coyote. Driving backwards to avoid being scene, into a gully. Suleman has a gun in his car.

41..PLACEHOLDER SHOOT OUT

The car chase starts with Suleman going to the hospital where he finds Sarah going through his office. A fight ensues, Bonnie sustains a gun shot wound. Sarah smashes his arm with a fire extinguisher. Suleman gets another gun out of the desk drawer, and shoots towards Sarah and Bonnie. Paul crashes into the room wearing theatre scrubs and aids Bonnie.

42.INT.HOSPITAL HALLWAY-CONTINUOUS

Patients and staff scream after hearing gun shots and scatter, as Suleman runs out the door. RECEPTIONIST is calling the cops.

43.EXT.HOSPITAL ENTRANCE/DAY

Suleman screams off in his car towards his house. He turns to shoot at Sarah. She runs out of the hospital. A stake out is waiting for him. Key points. Winston Smallwolf and Abe Smith (father of the suicidal boy) are hidden from view on the roof of the house with rifles at the ready. RCMP are there lights on guns drawn. Locals are positioned in a pincer position around the property. They are armed. RCMP shout and ask them to go home. They stay. Suleman screams up in a cloud of dust shouting abuse at the RCMP Suleman fires his gun at RCMP Manrivers from behind his car door. Manyrivers is down. Shots ring out from the roof top. ABE and WINSTON kill Suleman. CHAOTIC SCENE F.O. Sound of Helicopter.

44.INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY-DAY

Sarah encounters Jerimiah. They have an argument over recreational drug use. Jeremiah offers to fly Sarah to Hornby. Sarah rejects the offer.

45.EXT.HOSPITAL-BOTTOM OF STEPS-DAY

Cody pulls up on his motorbike. He give Sarah a passionate goodbye kiss which leaves Sarah looking confused.

46.INT.WOODEN SPOON CAFE-EVENING

Sarah, Paul, and Eli, have a cozy supper and debate the stresses of the north. Sarah is thinking about going back to the UK. Paul wants her to stay and be with him.

47.INT.PAUL’S CABIN-NIGHT

Paul is hesitant about becoming intimate. He is emotional about Sarah leaving. Sarah resolves the issue by taking the lead.

48.EXT.JEREMIAH’S PLANE-DAY

Jeremiah is high. He is planning to fly his plane down to Hornby to meet Sarah and try to win her over (stalking).

49.EXT.DAY-OUTSIDE OF CODY’S CABIN

Cody is loading his motorbike with gear. He is heading down to Hornby to see Sarah and try to win her over.

50.INT.HOSPITAL, PAUL’S CONSULTING ROOM-DAY/CONTINUOUS

Paul is anxious and distressed. He decides to follow SARAH.

51.INT.JEREMIAH’S PLANE-DAY

Jeremiah is distracted,and high. He is not looking at where the plane is headed. He is in a mountainous area. The plane is headed for a mountain face.

52.EXT.PLANE CRASH SHOT AERIAL VIEW-DAY

Stock shot of plane crash into mountain face.

53.EXT.HIGHWAY-DAY

Paul hitches a ride on the school bus to the bush airport to hop a ride on the Medivac.

54.EXT.LONG BUSH ROAD FROM HOSPITAL-EVENING

Cody is blocked by a herd of buffalo. He camps for the night and bargains with the buffalo.

55.INT.AIRPORT-EVENING

Paul is running through security. The boarding ramps are being moved. Paul running shouts and begs them to stop. “I’m a doctor!”

56.EXT.WHITE SANDY BEACH WITH MOUNTAINS IN BACKGROUND/DAY

Sarah is in the water, playing with strands of seaweed, looking at shells. Paul RUNS down to the water, enters water, shoes off, clothes on. Paul runs/swims out to her

[anna harper]

I, Anna Harper agree to the terms of the contract.

As a member of the group I agree to the following;

[anna harper]

Hello, I’m Anna Harper, she/her, when in the USA I love it when military people refer to me as Ma’am and hold the door. So polite.

This is my first attempt at a professional script, thought I started producing when I was about 9 for family and friends and a very indulgent headmistress. (my interpretations of Shakespeare)! Something unique; one of my heroes is Ridley Scott. I have a short, his first film ever. It’s genius; Boy and a Bicycle.

My goal for the course is to learn how to make good money doing what I love.

[anna harper]

D.Anna Harper

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[anna harper]

Anna Harper

Old Buffalo Hospital

What I learned from this assignment: I was shocked by my own short comings. I had blundered ahead without first scripting the structure. The exercise helped me see clearly where the story was headed.

Logline

A city girl and single mother is laid of from her social work job. Desperate to be a good provider for her son,she reluctantly takes a job in a Yukon bush hospital. The job is far beyond her skill level. Forging alliances in the village,she saves the community from a a drug dealing doctor, finds romance and engages in indigenous cultural practices to help her cope with extreme life changes.

Main conflicts

Sarah’s conflicts run parallel. Her internal conflict is not wanting to make changes in her life and environment. Her external conflict is the antagonist, a drug dealing doctor. He is part pf her new environment.

ACT 1

OPENING

Inciting incident.

1. SARAH WARWICK is laid off from her job at a seniors’ centre. Her boyfriend dumps her. SARAH’S parents phone to wish her Happy Birthday. After hearing of her job loss, they refuse to help her financially.

2.Turning Point 1

After the news of her job loss, her boyfriend dumping her and her parents being unhelpful, now desperate for employment SARAH reacts to a job fair advertisement for hospital workers in the Yukon. She leaves a resume and dismisses the idea as unsuitable. The next day she gets a phone call offering her the job.

3.Turning point 2

SARAH attends her birthday party at her friends house. Her friends mull over the pros and cons of the situation. SARAH is in a tight corner,however she does not want to go and live in a remote community. She rejects the idea of a job she has no training for; where she knows no one and the local culture is completely foreign to her. Sarah reveals the very lucrative details of the contract. She is still very hesitant and the group has many ideas about what is best for her.

4 Turning Point 3

SARAH overhears some nasty remarks about her son wearing secondhand clothes. SARAH decides to accept the contract.

ACT 2

5 SARAH and her son ELI arrive in the Yukon and narrowly avoid running into a herd of Buffalo. CODY a local man appears to help and escort her onward to the hospital. CODY indicates he is interested in SARAH.

6 Turning Point 1

SARAH meets the medical team and has her first run in with DR TEDDY SULEMAN who tries to intimidate her.

SARAH is informed by BONNIE her new assistant that SULEMAN is over prescribing and has a network of drug dealers in the wider community. SARAH feels she is in over her head. BONNIE invites her to a sweat lodge ceremony, and one of the junior doctors Dr. PAUL MURPHY invites her to supper.

7 TURNING POINT 2

The sweat lodge ceremony leaves SARAH feeling positive and revived from her stress.

8 Crisis

The hospital calls SARAH to advise of an almost fatal drug overdose of a young local boy.

SARAH agrees to attend BONNIE’S meeting of local people who want to plan a way to deal with DR SULEMAN.

9 Climax

A raid on SULEMAN’S office and home goes awry. A ‘mole’ in BONNIE’S house meeting alerts DR SULAMAN.

A violent confrontation in SULEMAN’S office results in a chase and shoot out. BONNIE sustains an injury and SULEMAN is killed, leaving behind a a many headed monster of others wanting his territory.

10 Resolution

SARAH’S fears about the safety of the environment for ELI and the trauma of the event cause her to doubt her future at Old Buffalo. She takes leave and heads off with ELI to Hornby Island to recover. SARAH is pursued to Hornby Island by DR PAUL MURPHY.

The decision to return to OLD BUFFALO is unknown at the end of the first episode.

[anna harper]

Please advise where the confidentiality agreement is located. I hope everyone is signing it.

[anna harper]

What I have learned: is that my old way of rewriting was a nightmare. This rewrite system is a huge improvement.

[anna harper]

OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL EPISODE 1

Genres Adventure/ROMANCE

LOGLINE

A city girl and single mother is laid of from her social work job. Desperate to provide for her son and herself she fearfully takes a job in a Yukon bush hospital. The job is far beyond her skill level. Forging alliances in the village,she saves the community from a a drug dealing doctor, finds romance and engages in indigenous cultural practices to help her cope with extreme life change.

OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL SYNOPSIS

SARAH WARWICK a social work employee is laid off from her failing non profit job where she works with senior citizens. She is a single mother to ELI a five year old boy.

Financially strapped she has to find work quickly.SARAH is offered a job far away from her city life and friends,in a Yukon bush hospital serving the indigenous community. She reluctantly agrees to go north with her son.

As SARAH arrives at the edge of the bush community,CODY a very good looking Aboriginal man,appears just in time to save her life from a dangerous herd of buffalo. CODY pursues SARAH as a romantic interest.

SARAH is out of her depth with no experience working in a very different cultural environment, experiencing hard social issues.

She is shocked by the level of addiction in the village and is quickly drawn into uncovering a drug ring with a powerful leader the Chief of Medical staff, Dr. Teddy Sulaman a Nigerian emigre. One of the junior doctors PAUL MURPHY, becomes SARAH’S romantic interest.

In order to survive and thrive in the new and strange environment,SARAH embraces various practices such as the sweat lodge,and quickly makes friends with people who help her through a mire of crime and cover-ups. She is invited into a select group of people who meet in secret, to deal with Dr. Sulaman. There is a ‘mole’ in the group who is a distributor for Dr. Sulaman. He almost destroys their efforts to have Dr. Sulaman arrested. One of the group JEREMIAH is a successful local farmer, he also pursues SARAH.

As a single mother, SARAH has to create understanding of their life changes to ELI. She is worried about the dangers he is exposed to. ELI seems to take everything in stride, interested in wildlife and eating moose stew. Threats to their safety leave SARAH no choice, she puts ELI on a plane back home to stay with his father while SARAH concludes finding proof of DR SULAMAN’S crimes. A shoot out between the local police, hospital workers Dr. Sulaman and SARAH. kills off DR SULAMAN, leaving behind his drug network,able to resurface like a many headed monster.

SARAH is very conflicted about staying in the community to help her new friends. She still has financial problems and is concerned for ELI’s safety. Her romance with Dr.PAUL MURPHY becomes intimate. SARAH is experiencing PTSD as a result of the shoot out and decides to take leave. Her intention is to go to Hornby Island where she will spend time recovering with her son and decide what to do.

In process of leaving, she discovers that the farmer, JEREMIAH, is one of the drug dealers. He dies (in his own) small plane crash while pursuing SARAH to Hornby Island.

CODY tries to follow her out to the island. His efforts are blocked by a massive herd of Buffalo on the bush road. PAUL MURPHY manages to track her down. The episode fades out with a romantic scene on the beach;however the question of will SARAH return to OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL remains unknown

[anna harper]

Reply to topic

This is my first rewrite class, and my first screenplay. I am excited to have the opportunity to learn and improve the quality of my work. I have some track record of writing, both technical and expository as well as one novel. Something unique about me; I am a dual citizen of both UK and Canada have travelled a fair bit, and am generally weird so I would not know where to start with unique.

[anna harper]

It says on the calendar, however I gave up again, after 20 minutes. I am sending a query to support as I schedule my other obligations around this meeting. Wonder why we have not been sent some sort of update on the situation.

[anna harper]

Hello Joan, I am just going ahead with the script review required. I picked yours. I was drawn to it ( as a now retired social worker.)

The only comment I would make regarding plausibility is it would seem important to have a triggering event for the victim to have an epiphany. I would also, for the sake of dramatic interest detail interviews with some of the deprogramming techniques.

It is also very unlikely that a counselor would be able to lie her way into a position as references would be checked, and due diligence has to be done. You can probably come up with something to deal with this.

How wonderful it would be to have something that actually worked this quickly.

Best of luck. Anna

[anna harper]

Previously, I have sent my feedback in a PM

[anna harper]

https://s3.amazonaws.com/SU_ProSeries_Teleconferences/PS50QueryLetterCall.mp3

Try this. If no good go to the forums page at the top click on classes go to class 50 and all will be well, except the buddy up thing. Just book an appointment and the teleconference and the handouts will be there for you. If this will not work for you, please let me know. I have one last tool to try.

[anna harper]

Hi Anita see my response above. Please let me know if it works or if you are still stuck.

[anna harper]

Hi Kate, go to lesson 50 the last lesson. Use the tab at the top of your forums page to navigate to the lessons page. In that lesson, you will see that we are to buddy up. Some are having issues trying to find the place to post so I sent in a support ticket. Meanwhile, some of us are using the msg board to buddy up and do exchange of query letters for feedback. You will see the teleconference mentioned there and a link to download the information we need for the call content. I simply signed up for an appointment and then the teleconference posting worked, not before I had made an appointment. Strongly suggest you give it a listen before having another go at the query letter. Please let me know if this helps or if you are still stuck.

[anna harper]

Hi there Antonio,

Some of us are helping each other with query letter feedback in the msg board function. That way we can send private msgs.

As for script reviews, I already completed one for Anita. We used our emails and PDFs

my e-mail is villagefringeproductions@gmail.com whatever works for you. Thanks Anna

[anna harper]

Hey Michael, did you already try this? Go to the top of your screen tabs where it says lessons,

go to the last page (8) and lesson 50. I had to book an appointment without buddying up. It worked anyway got the handouts and the recording. Also, it was a 30-minute exercise to click on all those little green buttons, which I never do, to say complete before it would let me get to page 50 usually I work from the e mails only.

[anna harper]

Did you get the lecture? And the handouts?

[anna harper]

I sent in a support form because I did not get this form apparently. I have no idea where to post the partnership. Lisa and I are doing the query letter exchange. Happy to accommodate anyone else. Just using the message board for this and completed my first script review for my

TOTE team. My email is villagefringeproductions@gmail.com

[anna harper]

Hey Michael, I think you could be referring to the TOTE team. I have a few members on my team already and would surely appreciate your artistic and logical input. We are trading scripts with each other for feedback. If you want in let me know, if not, no worries. Anna

[anna harper]

Dev do this, go to the Screenwriting Lesson tab at the top of your page.

Go to the last lesson 50 click on that a page will come up. Don’t worry just click the link to book an appointment, some of us can’t find where to buddy up but it works anyway. The call recording will come up and the handouts. I did have to book before the call recording worked.

[anna harper]

https://s3.amazonaws.com/SU_ProSeries_Teleconferences/PS50QueryLetterCall.mp3

see if this link works for you Anna

[anna harper]

Hey there Cameron, my email is villagefringeproductions@gmail.com for script exchange in PDF. Some of us are using the msg board to exchange feedback on our query letters.

[anna harper]

Hi Dev my email is villagefringeproductions@gmail.com for scripts in PDF and some of us are using the msg board for swapping query letters. Hope this helps.

[anna harper]

Hello Dana,

Would you be interested in joining my TOTE team. I am delighted to say that June, Anita, and Lisa are already onboard. We are exchanging scripts for feedback as life and time permit.

All the other members have been invited today. If not for you, no worries. Best, Anna

[anna harper]

Hi Dana, I believe you have done a great job expressing the elements of your nuanced and layered story. I did a critique for you a while back. It’s very original. You deserve to do well. Anna

[anna harper]

Dear Cameron,

Would you be interested in joining the TOTE team? I am delighted to say that June, Lisa and Anita are already onboard. I have invited everyone, I think. If you are interested let me know. We are exchanging scripts for feedback as life and time allow. If not, no worries. Best to you. Anna

[anna harper]

Hello Dev, hope you are well. If you are interested I am delighted to have June, Anita, and Lisa on my TOTE team. We are exchanging scripts for feedback as life and time allow. I have also invited Micheal and Antonio, and will next be contacting Cameron. If of no interest, no worries. Best Anna

[anna harper]

Hello Antonio,

Anita, June and Lisa are on my TOTE team, so far. We are exchanging scripts for feedback. If you think this might be suitable for you, let me know. If not, no worries. I forgot, I also invited Micheal and will be inviting Dev right away.

[anna harper]

Evening Dev, So grateful for the feedback. Have combined what I could from both June’s ideas and your input. If you could, please see if I have missed anything regarding punctuation,

I would also ask a professional favour as I am now wading through gobs of potential producers, is there a company you would suggest I send the query to?

Also, I want to see a couple of your movies, hopefully, they are on Netflix, big Aladin fan.

Thanks. Anna. very impressive heavy-weight bio there girl!

[anna harper]

Thank you so much Dev, yes ( I am not only blind to errors and will check them over and re-post and then ask for you to run your eagle READER’S eye over ) I am in the middle of a dangerous heat wave here and can hardly think straight. So working later at night.

Moving back to a rainy area of UK asap. hope to escape forest fires. (last year could not breathe in the house.)

All sympathy and concern to those in California.

[anna harper]

Hello June and thank you. I just took another good stab at it version 3 and hope it is now a better version. Thank you for your valued feedback

[anna harper]

Thank you so much June will get on it when it cools down this evening.

[anna harper]

Anna’s Query Letter Version 3

What I learned, feedback from my learned colleagues is invaluable.

Dear Producer of Holiday movies,

My research on VPN and IMbd indicates this could be what you are looking for: My family and I loved watching all the movies in your Beethoven franchise.

SILENT NIGHT

It’s Christmas in a quaint English village when a silent, bullied teenage boy, Dylan, meets Alfie a homeless dog with superpowers hiding in a garbage skiff; together they win over schoolyard bullies and Dylan finds his voice

SYNOPSIS

Superdog Alfie uses his telepathic skills to speak to Dylan, breaking his world of silence.

Alfie coaches Dylan to communicate with his Dad about the schoolyard bullies and his nasty teacher; she has designs on Dylan’s Dad, detests dogs, and wishes to send Dylan to boarding school.

With Alfie’s help, Dylan rescues his friend Lilly from the school cellar; avoids being sent away to boarding school, wins over the bullies, and introduces his Dad to Mickey an attractive, baker of dog cookies.

.

My background is in social work. (RSW ret) I have worked with mute traumatized clients., using art therapy, gymnastic horse riding, trips to the candy machine, playing hockey with my clients, and culturally appropriate methodology. for indigenous clients.

Lyme Regis is mentioned as the setting, in the opening scene. I spent a year living in this delightful picturesque and historic seaside village. Lyme Regis has been used as the location in a number of blockbuster films such as The French Lieutenant’s Woman, (Lyme Regis Dorset UK.)

Please note, that SILENT NIGHT is potentially the first in a franchise with two other optional screenplays PIRATE AND COCOA in development. These screenplays feature Alfie’s littermates all of whom have various superpowers. Alfie is a Newfoundland dog.

If you like the concept, please contact me, I would be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely D.Anna Harper

villagefringeproductions@gmail.com

phone

address

[anna harper]

Did a revisit Version 3 below with a new almost funny segment. I can hear the audience going ‘look out OMG’

Thanks, Jeremy good suggestion.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Hi Jeremy, after your thoughtful insight I amended the script in bold. I should say its PG 13, the movie opens with a violent attack on a young woman.

THE LONG DARK VERSION version 2

Frankie has the radio playing quietly in the background, Country and Western music. He is pottering around, arranging two mugs for tea. He picks up his dead wife’s framed picture and talks to her. There’s a large shadow of a figure in the patio window. Frankie doesn’t see the figure of SASQUATCH, appear, standing there, watching.

FRANKIE

I am so tired Rosie. The burdens are weighing too heavy for me. I am getting too old for this craziness the young one’s have got themselves into. And I’m afraid. Afraid that I can’t do anything to change the great sorrow that our people are in. I am afraid of the attacks, they are getting worse each day. I can’t figure out what to do to stop them. Sometimes, I am falling down myself. The only thing that keeps me going is talking to you and the Big Book.

Shall I read you Rosie, what the Big Book says about fear?

Fear is an evil, corroding thread; the fabric of our lives is shot through with it. Fear is surely a bar to reason, and to love, and of course, it invariably powers anger, vain glory, and aggression. It underlies maudlin guilt and paralyzing depression.

A low howl of the Sasquatch is heard. Frankie puts down his AA Big Book and listens.

FRANKIE CONTD

Jesus, another attack. What will be found in the morning? Who will be ripped to pieces and eaten alive this time?

Frankie kisses his wife’s picture. I am lonely Rosie, I wish you were here to help me find wisdom to lead our people. I am weary and feel like giving up.

Frankie turns around and sees the Sasquatch looking in the window.

HOWLING, blood-curdling sounds are very loud. Frankie drops the picture and the glass breaks. The mugs on the table rattle, a picture on the wall falls down.

FRANKI CONTD

Smell, that Goddam smell, SHOUTING

You don’t frighten me Sasquatch,

Frankie’s face is contorted in fear, his eyes wide.

I am living a good life now. I’m getting my 10 years sobriety pin soon. So you can get the hell outta my yard already!

Sasquatch has vanished. The sound of the blood-curdling howling is now sad and sounds far away in the distance. Frankie clasps his chest and takes some NITRO out of his shirt pocket. He sits down briefly and looks at the logs burning in the stove.

FRANKIE CONTD

It’s gonna be a cold one tonight Rosie, gonna freeze our arses off if I don’t get some more logs in. I put the mugs on the table. How about I make up the fire and we have some tea, go to bed, crawl in the flannel sheets and have us a good sleep. Sasquatch has gone now. No need to be afraid Rosie.

Frankie dons his winter jacket and opens the cabin door, some snow blows in. Frankie steps outside and looks around. He walks over to the wood stack and picks up several logs, muttering to himself.

FRANKIE CONTD

I can feel my God dam eyeballs freezing in my head its so cold.

Bushes near the property make huge swaying movements. Branches crack. Then the noise stops. Frankie drops his wood and turns to go to the cabin. There is more noise behind him, a low growl and a huffing sound. Frankie turns slowly, he looks petrified. The head of a gigantic Grizzly bear pokes out of the bushes. The bear walks a couple of paces forward.

Frankie speaks in a loud authoritative tone.

FRANKIE

Brother, I am not for you. You will not eat me tonight. Yes, I am afraid of you, but I am not for you tonight my brother. Now go.

The bear turns and disappears back into the bushes.

Frankie says the traditional blessing and salutation.

Frankie contd.

Matsicho! All my relations.

Frankie half runs, half staggers back into the cabin.

He sits in his chair and picks up the phone.

FRANKIE CONTD.

It’s Frankie, you got my GPS. It’s my heart again, better call the air ambulance. I’m alone.

EXT.CABIN AERIAL VIEW/NIGHT

Sounds of helicopter ambulance.

F.O.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Your right Jeremy, however it is family. And the scene with him talking is a minute long and then the bear encounter happens. Sasquatch and bear are partners throughout the movie. I will think of some more horror tropes to put in this scene, thank for bringing it to my attention. Thanks again for reading the piece. more horror in the scene go it.

[anna harper]

Morning Cameron.

Thank you for the extensive notes.

What I plan to do is go over HAL’S notes again, as I am pretty sure he said we had to give away the whole story, particularly to give away the ending.? Also, I will do a re-think of your other comments. Many thanks for taking the time to respond so well. Best of luck Anna

[anna harper]

Hi Lisa and thanks for the mention. Agreed we need more of the Christmas spirit.

A quick review of your letter.

It makes for an interesting contrast between Christmas and difficult topical social issues, which don’t go away just because it’s Christmas.

I like that you are using tropes that your audience can relate to such as A Wonderful Life.

The letter was clear and concise.

Hooks 1st para 2 hooks wonderful life, lose snowmobile shop.

2nd para 5 hooks ex-military guarded Santa, NORAD, kidnap Santa, pay for shop

3rd para 3 hooks separated, children with father, saving the buisness=saving family 4th para Question, is Santa helping her? hooks 2 government agents, 5k Santa race

5th para Santa is aiding Mary, Mary is saved through town’s help, reunited with family

3 hooks 5th para private comment, how in the heck does Santa manage that?

As the divorce rate in the western world is now about 50% I think we could all use a little Christmas magic to make us feel better, at the very least get through it in a good way.

My first Christmas during the divorce was really awful. So if you can bring some light to the situation, perfect job! Only suggestion which may be of help. Of course, when you are sending this to a for-real producer I know you will eliminate all those pesky format thingys.

Pretty sure you will do awesome with this one as contains all the stuff Americans love.

Best to you going forward, Anna

[anna harper]

Good evening Dana, Anna here doing the homework with you.

First Time Caller like the title invites curiosity

The letter content flows well, it’s cogent. No probs and it is short very good.

Hooks

3 hooks Opening your listening (and then surprise) kidnapped, killed one by one

3rd para 5 hooks professional tragedy (invites curiosity) talk radio therapist, psychotic, multiple personality disorder, erase identity

4th para I hook rules

5th para 3 hooks pit i.d. against each other cop buddy, finished with provocative question

this bit could maybe have a little edit, when the psychotic identity of an old patient; instead ….a former psychotic patient. Its your work of unique art, as Hal says disregard anything that you do not like.

This is an original with tropes that an audience can relate to. I would not be surprised if you got an offer. Thanks, Anna

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Evening June, just doing the request critique here.

It sounds like a really entertaining movie that I could relate to.

The whole piece flows well with only one part I was confused about, read it twice, and I think I know what you mean. However, could use clarity in the following line;

The gals fall for him (Question why don’t they fall for him anymore?) until his girl Suzy moves out of her apartment – much to his surprise- and he’s got to find a more permanent retirement scheme.

I am guessing because the girls do not want him to move in with them maybe?

Also very curious as to know why he declared himself dead? I guess I would have to request the script!

Lots of hooks

opening 4 hooks; retire free, love story, hippies, boomers

Synopsis

para 1 3 hooks crazy ass mooch, dead, Vietnam.

para 2 2 hooks beaten in jail, hospital body trashed

para 3, Kim, light his candle (?)LOL, gaslighting,

para 4 5 hooks twin souls, joint adventures, meltdown, heal, believe

Hope this one gets made June. Best Anna freaking amazing resume P S also it is quite long, could you shorten it a little?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Evening Cam,

Your letter flowed well. I think the reader will appreciate your to-the-point content.

I agree with June’s idea for redesigning the first para. 2 potential suggestions, does the word ‘battle’ work for you? Just a little FYI in terms of the audience’s brains (which are in a hypnogogic state;) the word ‘but’ signals the brain to forget what was said before the but, or turn it down as of lesser import. When using conversational hypnosis we try to use words that bridge. We want the audience to stay glued to your movie.

As for the line re wife; Sully is still frozen with grief for his recently deceased wife.

It’s your work of art, and as Hal says just disregard stuff you don’t agree with.

Just loved the bio, impressive. 😍

Hooks three hooks in opening choosing parasites and space

2nd para 1 hook decision

3rd para 5 hooks alarm, aliens return, reconnect with son, bunker, son is the hero

4th para 3 hooks challenged child, infected, eat you.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Hi Cameron I did a critique of your work earlier. Great pitch. Unique. Best of luck Anna

[anna harper]

JUNE, IS AMAZING. What a fabulous resume. And I love the premise of Retirement

[anna harper]

Hello Jamie, I take it these are different scenes of course. For the purpose of doing an outline, maybe just use one and walk it all the way through with the basics INT EXt DAY etc. lead up, why is she in the attic, what happens as she walks up the stairs? How does she react when she finds the corpse? How do we know that the father flaked? Does she dialogue with some about it (no actual dialogue in the outline) Does she talk to herself hysterically? Does the door slam behind her, anything you can come up with to make a scene out of one of the ideas will help you write the whole story. It will all work out Jamie. I have made tons of mistakes as I have gone through this course but it seems to be working out in the end. Best of luck going forward, keep going. Anna

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

I experienced this scene as totally believable. I really don’t have anything useful to contribute re making changes. Really cogent, well glued together. No need to mess with it. Best of luck going forward Anna

[anna harper]

For Jeremy Cooke

Hi Jeremy, that was certainly interesting and disturbing, especially the part about the almost dead flower girl who is able to moan. Horrible, really good! The only bit I thought might benefit from a little more info was; so there were cops outside too? and the opened up the cript from above ground? Just wondering as I need a clear picture in my head. So you know, could just do the INT or Exit thing with the info. Best of luck going forward. Anna

[anna harper]

Thank you for reading my submission Jeremy. If OK with you I will read yours and respond tomorrow a m. Tonight a sink full of dishes and thirsty plants await after a day of wading through the material for marketing in PS81. Unfortunately, there are no raccoons up that far north. Another animal might do. However, I am still thinking this one through. Thanks again appreciate that you read through.

[anna harper]

Evening Michael.

I have taken your suggestions to heart and made changes, not posted until tomorrow.

I will be working on submitting my finished screenplay SILENT NIGHT. If you would be willing to take a quick peek and see if you would be interested in doing the final part of the assignment full script exchange. I can fwd on Thursday if you are willing. If you are already committed to another script no problem.

Re-read your last post. I have a query why was Brook saying “coming Daddy” I think bizarre is desirable, yet wondering what else might fit? If I was pitching my Dad’s Christmas ornament in the bin, (which I certainly could have), I might say something like Yeah Merry Christmas to you, bastard and then smash it!

I know she does not go through with destroying the ornament, somehow the coming Daddy may need more clarity in communicating her strong emotions. (I cynically believe that most audiences are in a hypnogogic state eating Pringles and drinking beer, and that subtle may get missed.)

It is so interesting reading other people’s work, however, I feel sensitive to writers having someone else put their paint on others’ artwork if you know what I mean.

As for the marketing you mentioned, I am hoping the next sub-forum is really results-oriented. I have a bunch of work to market also. And I don’t think a LinkedIn page will do it. Thanks Anna

[anna harper]

Thank you so much Micheal for your useful insights. Will be back at it today. If it’s OK with you to save back and forth, I will reread yours, and offer the same. I already went over it once and really enjoyed the cutting, accurate observation,s, and humor. Interesting reading.

[anna harper]

Hi Mike, do you want to partner up for the latest assignment? Thanks Anna

[anna harper]

Hello June are you partnered up yet? If not would like to have you as my partner. Thanks Anna

[anna harper]

Anna Harper First Great Page

What I learned from this assignment. I did some wordsmithing. I was happy with the intensity of the page. Always room to tweak and improve, one word can make a difference.

SITUATION

SOPHIE is an out-of-work actress, Her last role was in a local theatre 5 years ago. She is depressed. Sophie is 60 ish. She dresses like an old hippy with money, BOHO, flamboyant frilly sleeves (like something out of ABBA) She makes some money baking cakes and selling herbs. She lives with Sandy her live-in lover of 10 years.

ESTABLISHING/SHOPPING AREA/YARMOUTH U.K./DAY

SOPHIE

It’s a hot spring day Sophie is walking into town. She is carrying shopping baskets full of baking and herbs for delivery. Sophie walks past the most upscale coffee shop in town (WELL DRESSED PATRONS CAN be SEEN IN THE WINDOW) She turns down a cobbled side street. Her attention is drawn to look at something MYSTERIOUS There is a pile of what looks like moving garbage bags. She stops and looks closer. TO HER HORROR, it’s an almost unconscious boy. lying on a couple of garbage bags fluttering in the breeze.

SOPHIE

Hey my friend, are you alright? I’m Sophie. What’s your name?

BOY

Lifts head barely

Bill,

Grunts coughs

Bill.

SOPHIE

Sophie’s eyes widen as she sees the red welt of flea bites covering his skinny arms.

FRANTICALLY Do you want water, I have some here?

BILL

Bill slumps back over.

SOPHIE

Are you alright, Bill, Bill, Oh my God! SCREAMS Help, help, anybody help?

MAN

Stops walking, looks at Bill and takes his cell phone out, and calls an ambulance.

SOPHIE

Throws down her bags and rolls Bill onto his back. She FRANTICALLY checks his pulse and his breathing, he is not breathing.

SOPHIE

Shit, he’s not breathing! Bill, Bill for God’s sake, Bill! Come on!

Come back!

She starts VIGOROUS CPR. SOPHIE SINGS The BeeGees ‘Staying Alive’ to keep pace with FRANTIC compressions, muttering intermittently. Come on Bill, don’t die on me!

A crowd is forming. Nosy Lookey Loos, no one offers help.

WELL DRESSED WOMAN

SHOUTS

FILTHY drug addicts put them in prison.

SIRENS BLARING in the background after what seems an age. The MEDICS jump out and start to work on Bill, taking over the CPR.

One of the medics starts filling a syringe with Naxolene. The other medic is hooking up the AED.

MEDIC 1

STAND BACK, HANDS-OFF!

TWO JUMPS of the AED NOTHING The Noxelene is injected. The medics try again, more CPR, and then one more jump start with the AED. Nothing

MEDIC 1

I am sorry, he’s gone. From the stuff in his bag, looks like a Fentanyl O.D.

That’s the third one this week.

MEDIC 2

From his wallet, looks like Bill was 17.

Gets the gurney, and the medics load him on and cover the body with a sheet. Slam the ambulance doors.

SOPHIE

Sophie is standing there in SHOCK AND DISBELIEF She watches the ambulance leave. She walks over to the church wall, sits down, weeps, pulls out her cell phone, and calls SANDY.

SOPHIE

Struggling to talk. Choking on her tears.

Sandy, come and get me please, I am St.Agness outside on the wall.

SANDY

IRRITABLE

Can’t it wait? I’ve still got another 20 minutes of Coronation Street!

0

[anna harper]

POST 39 RESPONSE

DAY 6 NOTES FOR ANITA FROM ANNA

NOTES IN BOLD

Loved the opening paras, sure it will be engaging for an audience.

INT. LUXURY HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

A COUPLE are in the throes of hot sex. We only see glimpses: A WOMAN’s unadorned left hand bunching the sheets in passion; A MAN’s back beaded in sweat. His left hand tangles in her long curly brown hair offsetting the gold glint of his wedding ring. GREAT ATTENTION GRABBER FOR OPENING

Ecstatic MOANS, and then he collapses his full weight on the willowy 20-something.

We don’t see her face as she unceremoniously shoves him off, but we get our first look of CYRUS KILNER’s 30-something fine-looking, satisfied face. He sits up and clips on his Rolex watch.

CYRUS

You available this time next week? WONDERING IF SHE IS A SEX WORKER OR NOT. OBVIOUSLY FROM DIALOGUE NOT HIS WIFE GOOD SET UP, CYRUS IS A SHIT.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT

A WOMAN is in the throes of childbirth. It isn’t going well.

The room is large enough to hold a team of doctors but still feels crowded by the kinetic energy of SEVERAL NURSES, an OB/GYN, and A PEDIATRIC SPECIALIST – all buzzing around the room, alongside a waiting incubator. I UNDERSTAND THIS, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO COMMUNICATE THIS EITHER BY DIALOGUE OR ACTIONS TO AN AUDIENCE?

But there is no partner, relative, or friend helping the woman through the ultimate intimacy of giving birth. COULD YOU HAVE A NURSE MAKE A COMMENT TO THIS EFFECT?

The medical team’s intense movements are choreographed in such a way that we never see the woman’s face, only that she has short blonde hair.

HARLEY (UNSEEN, V.O.)

I could have died that day.

(beat)

And maybe I should have. QUESTION IS SHE HAVING A FLASH BACK

OB/GYN

Page the anesthesiologist! I think we’re looking at an emergency C-section.

WOMAN

NO!

She SCREAMS in agony.

WOMAN (CONT’D)

I can do this!

Another intense contraction hits her and the woman pushes with grunts and gritted teeth.

WOMAN (CONT’D)

AAAHHHH!

OB/GYN

You might be willing but your system is under a huge amount of stress. You might lose your remaining kidney function if we don’t – I THINK IT WOULD BE STANDARD HOSPITAL SPEAK TO HAVE A COMMENT RE RISK TO BABY HERE COULD IMPLY MOTHER IS SELFISH

WOMAN

(in pain)

Nooo — !!!

grabs the short stool and swivels into position between her stirrup-ed knees to check her progress.

OB/GYN

We talked about this….

The woman SCREAMS again, giving another mighty push.

OB/GYN (CONT’D)

Okay… it looks like we’re having it your way, the baby’s crowning –

The already lively room swings into immediate action.

OB/GYN (CONT’D)

Ok, give me one more push!

She does, and after a moment of collectively held breath we hear an infant’s thin wail.

The <st1:place w:st=”on”>OB</st1:place> hands the baby over to the waiting pediatrician for assessment.

An alarmed nurse tends to the mother…

NURSE

Doctor, she’s unconscious!

FAST CUT TO:

SUPER: 7 Months Ago

INT. LAW OFFICES – NIGHT

A petite blonde with short hair dressed in an impeccable suit stands at the head of a conference table populated by junior ‘suits’. DANICA is a tight little package both physically and emotionally.

She’s conducting a meeting like a maestro conducts an orchestra – with crisp staccato instructions meted out with an efficiency that brooks no interruption or questions. DOES DANICA EVER SHOW BY ACTION OR A TRIP TO THE BATHROOM THAT SHE IS PREGNANT AT THIS POINT A BREAK IN THE UBER COLLECTED EXECUTIVE MASK? MAYBE A GLANCE IN A MIRROR OF THE OTHER-SELF.

love the drama of the opening scene and the inciting incident

DANICA

Do you want to re-litigate a case we already won!? Hell no! We fought that battle last year. We never turn back.

Someone catches her attention through the glass wall and breaks her concentration.

It’s CYRUS KILNER, the head partner of what we can now see is a sizable bustling law firm.

Cyrus swaggers by the conference room charming various assistants and secretaries along the way dispensing ready smiles, schmoozing and oozing a charismatic masculine presence.

CONFERENCE ATTENDEE

(Interrupting her reverie)

Danica? So who are you assigning to the Ryder case?

Danica’s attention swings back to the meeting at hand.

DANICA

Umm… let me get back to you. That’s all for now.

She closes her leather portfolio, marches from the room leaving the others puzzled – this abrupt departure with unfinished business is not like her, and they notice.

Danica follows the path Cyrus took but without any of the social niceties along the way. She’s all brisk business.

She gets to the end of the hall and stops at the closed oak door whose gold embossed plaque reads:

Cyrus Kilner, Partner

Danica’s uncharacteristic hesitation belies her nervousness.

Then she throws the door open with conviction and enters Cyrus’s office.

He’s on the phone and looks up, surprised. Danica quietly closes and locks the door behind her.

CYRUS

(into the phone)

I have to call you back.

He hangs up. A sly smile spreads across his face. He stands and takes a slow walk to Danica who’s just standing there with her back against the closed door, hands on handle.

CYRUS (CONT’D)

Well isn’t this a nice surprise. Couldn’t wait until after hours? We haven’t snuck in a daytime quickie before. How quiet do you think we can be?

Now he’s standing directly in front of Danica. But as he puts his hands on her shoulders she shrugs him off and storms away.

CYRUS (CONT’D)

Playing hard to get?

Danica doesn’t answer, just paces the large well-appointed office. She picks up and puts down a few expensive-looking pieces of art tastefully incorporated around the room. Cyrus watches her, wary now.

Finally she whirls to face him, chin up.

DANICA

I’m pregnant.

Cyrus looks sucker-punched.

CYRUS

What!? How –

DANICA

The usual way.

(beat)

It must have happened when I changed my prescription. I guess the pill isn’t as reliable as death or taxes.

CYRUS

We can’t –

DANICA

There is no “we” in this Cyrus.

Now it’s Cyrus’ turn to pace the room like a caged animal.

CYRUS

Right. But you know I can’t have this – it would ruin me – my marriage, my career –

He looks over his shoulder to her.

CYRUS (CONT’D)

Our career. Your career.

He goes to her, now trying a soft reasonable tone.

CYRUS (CONT’D)

Dani, we can take care of this. I know a private doctor –

DANICA

(laughing derisively)

Oh that’s rich. You were on the state legislature when the current anti-abortion bill was signed into law. You gloated over that for weeks! Or don’t you remember all that posturing over hearing the baby’s heartbeat making life real, etc, etc.

Cyrus looks panicked. He starts sputtering . . .

CYRUS

That was meant to… that’s different… how far along are you?

DANICA (CONT.)

Unfortunately for you and your fucking law, just over 6 weeks. But don’t worry. I’ll take care of it. I’ll just have to leave the state to do it.

There’s a long pause between them. It is the sound of an affair ending and two people seeing each other for who they really are.

DANICA (CONT’D)

Consider this my notice.

Without another word Danica goes to the office door, calmly unlocks it, and before SLAMMING it in his face, tosses over her shoulder, loud enough for the office pool to hear –

DANICA (CONT’D)

Oh, and say hi to Karen and the kids for me.

LOVED THIS SCENE WITH CYRUS, HORRIBLE MAN INTERESTING TO THINK WHAT EFFECT IT WILL HAVE ON THE PRO-LIFERS

EXT. DANICA’S SISTER’S HOME – DAY

After knocking with no answer Danica walks into her sister’s comfortably chaotic middle-class home. (i would not like my sister just walking and demanding attention amid the chaos. does Danica have boundary problems? Sister is maybe too nice?

INT. REBECCA’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

Danica steps over toys on her way to the kitchen where REBECCA, poster gal for soccer mom of the year, stirs something on the stove while humming to the baby propped comfortably on her hip as a toddler bangs pots at her feet.

DANICA

Beck?

Her sister looks up with both surprise and pleasure at seeing Danica.

REBECCA

Dani! I didn’t hear you come in. Here.

Rebecca unceremoniously hands the baby over to her sister so she can season what’s on the stove.

Danica holds the child awkwardly and perches it on her hip, not inward, but looking outward. IS THE KID QUIET OR DOES HE SQUIRM AND COMPLAIN MAKING DANICA MORE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF A CHILD

DANICA

Beck, I need to talk.

REBECCA

Sure. I’m the queen of multi-tasking. What’s up?

Danica starts juggling the baby on her hip who has started to whimper. The toddler’s pot-banging gets louder.

DANICA

Rebecca, I need to talk to you NOW! Can you stop with the kids and the cooking already!?

REBECCA

Ooo-kay –

Rebecca turns off the stove and takes the fussy baby from Dani. At her feet, the toddler’s pot-banging hits the obnoxious level.

DANICA

For god’s sake, can’t they be quiet for ONE FUCKING MINUTE!?

REBECCA (O/S)

Ted!

Rebecca’s cute but harried HUSBAND TED is barely in the room when she hands him the now crying baby, steps over the toddler, and leads a seething Dani by the elbow out onto the back patio.

EXT. REBECCA’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

The sisters sit at a picnic table. Rebecca waits expectantly while Danica nervously brushes at some leaves.

Then she just blurts it out.

DANICA

I’m pregnant.

Her sister is truly surprised and momentarily speechless.

REBECCA

I didn’t even know you were seeing someone!

(changes course)

Oh, but how wonderful!

She goes in to hug Danica, who brushes her aside. interesting dynamic

DANICA

No. NOT wonderful. I don’t want it. And neither does he.

(beat)

I’m not having it.

REBECCA

You’re not – but you can’t mean it –

DANICA

Yes. I DO mean it. I can’t get it done here with this heinous ‘hearbeat law’, so I’m going over the border to <st1:city w:st=”on”>Lafayette</st1:city> or <st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Baton Rouge</st1:place></st1:city> and will be out of town. In fact, I might move there permanently, if I can find the right law firm.

(something occurs to her)

Shit. That means I’d have to pass the <st1:state w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Louisiana</st1:place></st1:state> state bar.

(sighs heavily)

Well – I just thought you should know.

Rebecca looks stunned. Then she takes a deep breath and gathers herself.

REBECCA

Dani, I know this must all seem overwhelming in the moment, but you’ll get your bearings and then the sheer joy of creating this precious life will settle in and –

DANICA

No. There is no joy. And there won’t be any –

REBECCA

But the moment you hold your baby you’ll feel differently – it’s like falling in love –

DANICA

(laughs bitterly)

I don’t know what that feels like. Look Beck – my life isn’t like yours. I don’t have the white-picket-fence husband-family gene, and frankly have no appetite for it. I chose a law career. That’s MY path, and I won’t have some mistake interfere with that.

Rebecca reaches out to hold Dani’s hand.

REBECCA

(with soft compassion)

It’s not a mistake, it’s a baby. (FANTASTIC LINE)

Danica rises to go, forceful in her rejection of Rebecca’s pleas.

DANICA

No! It’s NOT a baby… it’s just a collection of cells, an embryo… an unwanted alien object intruding on MY life!

Rebecca stands too, desperate to persuade her sister against an abortion.

REBECCA

Think Dani! we grew up in the same church – what does it teach us -What would mom and dad say?

DANICA

(coldly)

Unlike you, I left the church years ago. And mom and dad are dead.

The words are like a slap and Rebecca recoils as if hit.

DANICA (CONT’D)

(more gently)

Beck, we’re the only family each of us has now. And you already risked your life, TWICE, each time you had a kid. You may have been born with two kidneys to my one, but they’re weak… and well, frankly I do not intend to put my life on the line for a child I DO NOT want.

REBECCA

But Dani, I didn’t die… and there’s always adoption –

Danica cuts her off by striding away.

REBECCA (CONT’D)

(pleading)

Please don’t do this thing, I beg you! I promise, you’ll grow to love the child –

DANICA

I didn’t come here for a debate. I just wanted to let you know why I’ll be gone. Goodbye Beck.

A stoic Danica walks away leaving her tear-streaked sister behind.

INT. DANICA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Danica’s surrounded by several packed boxes. She’s yanking clothes off their hangers out of the closet and throwing them into an open suitcase on the bed.

She’s SO ANGRY she starts to cry – tears of frustration, feelings of entrapment –

DANICA

God DAMMIT!

<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placename w:st=”on”>CATHOLIC</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>CHURCH</st1:placetype></st1:place> – LATER THAT NIGHT

Danica sits alone in an empty church. WHY IS SHE IN A CHURCH WHICH SHE HAS NO USE FOR PREVIOUS MENTIONED DOES THIS NEED SOME SORT OF TRANISITON OR CLARIFICATION OF HER CRISIS PROPELLING HER TO WHAT A SAFE SPACE TO THINK OR COLLECT HERSELF.

No one approaches her.

DANICA

(bitterly, to herself)

An empty house for an empty heart, with nothing but empty answers.

Her words echo and bounce.

Abruptly she stands and marches down the aisle, out the doors and into the black night.

EXT. HIGHWAY – LATER STILL, THAT NIGHT

Danica’s driving a packed car – fleeing her state, escaping <st1:state w:st=”on”>Texas</st1:state> for <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:state w:st=”on”>Louisiana</st1:state></st1:place>.

<st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>2-lane State Road</st1:address></st1:street> 90 is pitch dark with no other traffic at this hour. Signs indicate HWY 10 to <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:state w:st=”on”>Louisiana</st1:state></st1:place> is up ahead.

SUDDENLY Danica’s headlights catch a giant billboard depicting Cyrus Kilner, his beautiful wife KAREN and their two young children, proclaiming:

VOTE Cyrus Kilner for Judge!

A Family Man with Family Values! LOVED THIS CLOSING SCENE IT CREATES A QUESTION

It’s disorienting to see his smug face larger than life in this moment.

Dani’s laugh is bitter as she drives toward the billboard and in a moment of deep darkness veers along the edge of the pavement looking as if she’s headed right into the sign’s posts –

Really dynamic writing. The exchange with sis felt totally realistic. Ending OMG.

tHANK FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO READ AND THINK ABOUT YOUR WORK. I CAN TELL YOU PUT A LOT INTO THIS INTERESTING AND CRITICALLY TIMED PIECE. EST OF LUCK Anna

[anna harper]

Hello Anita I have read your pages and will offer a crtique if you give me your go ahead.

[anna harper]

Thank you, Dana. Love the Star Wars example. I am totally rewriting the ending following feedback from three people to strengthen the ending. For this I really have to go into the matrix, I am not able to generate off the cuff, so will be at it for a few days. Thanks again.

Anna

[anna harper]

Hello Dana,

Loved the opening, exciting and easy to follow.

This is very interesting subject matter, quite unique though DID has been done, rarely to my knowledge, nothing like this with the on-air radio program, and it is contemporary in feel. I believe I am right in saying this is a subject that has been rarely explored on screen. Perhaps because it is so complex.

May I offer a suggestion in line with Michael Katz’s observations? I also found it dizzying to track the characters at times. Something that might help with people reading your script (producer) might be to consider introducing the name of the character along with their role ie Bob (DID role perpetrator) and Bill (DID role avenger) perhaps for dramatic effect introduce something that differentiates the personalities ie (this is just for the sake of example) colloquial accent, the timbre of voice etc. In reality, DID personalities do not always have flamboyant differences, however, this may help with the marketability and entertainment value/accessibility of your work.

While the personalities may seem monstrous, perhaps have the psychiatrist explain to the police how this happens. (creating empathy for the devil is a dramatic tactic and subliminally educating your audience re mental health) if you wanted to that is.

The ending certainly did not let up either. Also, I wonder why the radio station picked up a host with a dodgy track record? Alo loved the sweet supportive emotional exchange.

I think this is highly original work. Also, I can see in mind these scenes being acted out, and think it will be easier to follow visually than it is in script form. Maybe a table read at some point will give you what you want/need to fine-tune.

I think you know lots about this subject, I do not, thank God I have never had to deal with this. Thanks for the opportunity to read your script. Anna

[anna harper]

Thank you! Always a pleasure.

[anna harper]

Thanks got it. Keep on going. We will all get there.

[anna harper]

Thanks, Anita, Yes will amp up the ending. Good advice. Pirate is always taking care of the boys.

[anna harper]

Thanks Cameron, Good Advice, will UP the ending more. Thought about having one of the boys die, but could not do it. I am working on the idea that everyone can do something to help this worldwide (yeah I researched it) problem of homelessness. So I will take your advice and go for a stronger ending, and some kind of question. Muchas gracias.

[anna harper]

Hi Cameron, sorry I hit the wrong button. My notes to you have disappeared so here we go again.

Your whole script description is very easy to comprehend, which is quite a feat in itself as the movie is complex.

Will you give some sort of show don’t tell, reveal of why the terraforming did not work?

Sci-fi buffs love to jump on anything they cannot get their heads around or think is incorrect according to their thinking. So something that would either fit with current terraforming knowledge or some Star Trek (unable to argue with flummery) could work.

What age group is this going to be rated for?

Watching invasive procedures is not a good thing for kids, maybe not even teenagers, perhaps detailed warnings are in order. (Though I did take my son to see Pulp Fiction on purpose for the needle in the chest scene, without warning.)

Liked the moral conflict between conscripted passengers and the holy man.

Do we get to see Isaiah escaping the closet like Houdini or the skill of Sherlock on Elementary? I am sure this must be a special space-age closet.

Wonder how the exterminator scene will be actually manifested, as to how does one persuade or change the minds of people in such a chaotic situation? (Can only think of the soliloquy at the end of Kindom of Heaven/Godfrey)

Final Image. This will have them all crying and talking over coffee and Twitter after the movie.

As the ‘original’ Isaiah predicted the coming of Jesus and saving us all, wondering if the name for your wunderkind is on purpose? Hegemony is a great word. Wondering if there is a way, like in the movie Divergent, to educate without being pedantic, your audience to understand the concept of the name?

I enjoyed the read. Fingers crossed you get this made. Best Wishes Anna.

[anna harper]

Hi Cameron, Anna here. Would you care to give the exchange thing another go? I am available to read yours first thing Sunday. Thanks

[anna harper]

Hello Dana. would you like to exchange script critiques. BTW I am a retired mental health worker LOL!

[anna harper]

Hello Anita, hope it’s Ok if I just jump in with a critique. This is such an important subject anywhere, any time. However now in the USA with legislative changes, your story needs the very best chance.

There were only a couple of things I wondered about.

1. Is it your intention to give some sort of show not tell about the way genetic testing would have worked to indicate Cyrus had had a child. It read as though Cyrus’s genetic testing revealed the offspring. I think that could only happen in a specific sequence?

2. Secondly the line of dialogue from Danica, “And I should have never given you one anyway,” left me a bit confused?

I think your work is very brave. Not sure from the minimalized outline how much you talk about the abortion laws in your script. I am sure that would be key in getting attention for your movie. It deserves debate. I enjoyed reading it. Please feel free to give me a crtique if you have time. Best wishes Anna

[anna harper]

Thanks Cameron for your thoughtful feedback. I will see what I can do to jaz up Sophies speech and yes I can think of a way to focus in on TV shows for quips and quotes. Our next assignment is going to keep me busy for a while though. Take and watch out for worms.

[anna harper]

FOR CAMERON from Anna

Yes, of course, honored to do the critique.

Firstly, it is a very engaging piece and now I think I need a Gravol or two, as I detest worms! It’s riveting and awfully horrific. Just what the audience wants.

Here are some bits and bob I picked as scrutinizing the work. Junk and ignore if so motivated. I am no expert in this genre, though I do love Jurrasic Park, Arrival, etc.

or you take roost in the stable, deer heart

This phrase may be a bit convoluted for the audience to grab. Also, I think you mean dear not deer unless you are referring to an indigenous totem animal, and the boy has those qualities?

But as one shepherd said to the other, let’s get the flock out of here

Very funny.

WASHED WITH PAINT OVER SEVERAL DOCUMENTS, NOTES, and PICTURES, like something ILLEGAL <font color=”#4d5c6d” face=”SF UI Text, sans-serif”>
</font>

Wondering what’s going on in the studio here. Is this like the wall of clues Sherlock uses in Elementary? If so, perhaps make this clear.

both MANUEL and POWER TOOLS dress the walls, with a WORKBENCH and SINK.

I am guessing that a person called Manuel is not a person who arranged the tools? (manual)

Jude pulls out a part of the wall and presses her hand into a scan. What slides out from the wall are two clips for her gun.

Is this about using a 3D printer? Maybe they will need a replica on set when you make the movie.

You’ll never take me alive!

Everything in your script has originality Is there another way you might like to say this which is not a cliche. Though cliches sometimes work really well.

Isaiah sulks in his corner, pretending to skim through the pages of his notebook.

What is the notebook about? Have we been introduced to the notebook before in the movie?

Sounds like it might be important.

You have one in its metamorphosis? I had to read through twice in context to get it.

I’ll never be able to be that strong for my Clair because I’m from that hell your daddy’s persistent in fighting. I can’t know anything beyond it. But you just might. Convoluted, TMI can this be made dramatic and simple?

Hatching. Thought this could be brilliant with the right visuals.

I thought that the piece read like a good punt to be made into a movie. Your granny person is a bit sugary. Grannies can kick ass while being loving/nurturing at the same time. It’s original, congratulations.

Feel free to cut mine up! Warm regards Anna

[anna harper]

Hello Lisa,

Wow-what a scene. Anyone who has been through a divorce can identify with the extensive subtext/undertones of this scene’s dynamics. I am not from the US (UK/Canada) and am unfamiliar with the cultural tropes of Wonderful Life. I will make a note to watch over the weekend. The dance is excellent as the environment to play out the subtexts in the relationship as it evokes emotions universally, those days of the school dance. This draws us in.

The only part that I wondered about was when Violet pushes her way through at the punch table and then again, the physicality of Violet and Joseph being pulled apart. Jealous women can do so much dramatically, in a more subtle yet dangerous way. Having done it myself on occasion! A firm tap on the shoulder and the menacing smile of a snake, exiting the scene, that sort of thing.

While the sensuous environment of the dance event lends itself to this very relatable drama, maybe it also has the power to feel safe, so the physical aspects are not bordering on catfights, pulling of the hair, or rolling on the ground unless that is what is intended and which of course could be very entertaining. Though this would be out of character for super Mom Mary. Unless Violet gave her the first slap.

I thought all aspects of the dialogue flowed organically and were perfect for the audience to easily relate to, and everyone loves a dance scene. I am left wondering and curious to see who gets which man in the end, and how the climax of the dynamics resolves. Looking forward to experiencing what happens next. Best of luck Lisa. Also, let me know if you want to use Linkedin to build our professional network. PS thanks for the critique, am finishing up grooming Old Buffalo Hospital. Lived in the far north for a long time.

[anna harper]

Good morning June, I have taken several of your suggestions and revised the work. Thank you.

As you surmised it is heading for the final act. Though there is a fun montage towards the end. There is another betrayer who was revealed earlier in the script. I am almost done with this one and will soon be marketing it. If you have a linked-in page we can do that, if you like. The more professionals we have in our network the better. I detest social media and am struggling with it. Transitioning from my previous life to being a writer. How are you doing with your marketing?

[anna harper]

Thank you for doing the exchange. I appreciate your feedback. As always your work is gritty and interesting. Thank you.

[anna harper]

Hello again June. May we do an exchange?

I am going to go ahead anyway. I read your scene and enjoyed it so here goes.

I completely got the first setup with the characters having a mooch-off day together. As it progressed I was a little unsure of the part where Roy asks Kim about the house. What was he trying to achieve? Was he trying to get her to sell the house and solve his problems? This was the subtext unanswered questions part I am guessing.

As your scene progresses, the singalong to the army song was so unsettling, that I became very anxious myself. Very effective. (OMG what will happen next.)

Very impressed with the final part of your work where Kim covers for Roy. with the police. The question is will he forgive her? I guess that’s what you want the audience to be thinking and engaged with.

In this situation where trust has been breached with a PTSD person, silence is most certainly right on, as a reaction. A retreat to a safer place within.

There were plenty of what-ifs, and what is going to happen moments created by your subtext. Further, I think the content is different artistically and people will enjoy your movie.

[anna harper]

Thank you very much. Appreciate your response.

[anna harper]

Hello Lisa, I enjoyed reading your script piece. I think the story is very relatable. I ‘go it’ as far as the dynamics and the situation fueling fear and uncertainty. Both of the main adult characters’ traits came through loud and clear creating much anxiety and tension. The gem of having Pete as a former employee of NORAD makes the fantasy real, pure genius. The whole concept (I realize that was not in the brief) of a divorced family coping at Christmas and trying for some magic is very relevant today. Best of luck going forward. If you are so inclined, mine is Old Buffalo Hospital. Thanks Anna

[anna harper]

A very engaging script. It made me want to know more. Unusual and intriguing characters and very scary! Obviously filled the brief for threats, impending crisis, fear, and vivid description.

If you have the inclination mine is Old Buffalo Hospital. Thanks and best of luck going forward.

[anna harper]

Hey Mathew, Just read yours twice. I am not familiar with this subject matter as I would usually avoid anything to do with the KKK clan. (is that what the White Nights are?) The descriptions were really excellent. Really got me into the scene. Reminded me of John Updike’s style. The gist of the story was intriguing. The only part I became confused with, was the part where Nick is being taken by the so-called knights. I was not sure how it fits, mainly because we are reading this in part, not as a whole I think? I also note that the changes between 1 and 2 make it flow well.

I have my first version posted up, Day 11 Silent Night, if you have time for a quick look, great. Thanks, Anna

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  anna harper.

[anna harper]

Wow, that certainly is graphic. It will translate well onto film. The audience will certainly get the message. I wish we could see the whole script so that in context, I could see the whole concept and better evaluate the scene as part of a whole. So it reads like ROY is both an antagonist and trying to be a good guy, help out TROY. Is that correct? People love grit. (Breaking Bad) What is on the page will most likely, be dialed down a fraction just within the technicalities of a shoot/editing, much like sex scenes are abbreviated, but still get the message across. Personally, I would not change it or water it down. Best wishes with writing the rest of your script. You certainly did not mince about!

PS Mine is Silent Night if you have time for a quick look. Thanks from Anna, see you in Holywood!

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Day 2

Silent Night

What I learned doing this assignment is that this process highlighted some options for me going forward with dialogue generation.

Name: Elizabeth Perkins

Traits: seductive, power-hungry, deceitful, controlling,
vengeful

Subtext: must have things her way, uses her feminine charm to get what she wants

Character Logline: Elizabeth is in charge, she wants Steve she will have him, and no one will stand in her way, or else.

Possible areas of subtext – Luring/seducing Elizabeth is smooth in her demeanor in front of adults. She is attractive and she is aware of how to use this to lure, Underneath the charm she is ruthless.

Dylan

Traits are isolated. anxious depressed, victim depressed artistic,

likeable

Subtext Dylan wants to protect himself from further pain. Isolated from peer group by his behavior,

Character Logline I don’t know how to fix my life.No one understands me.

Possible areas of subtext Isolating behaviors, not speaking, using

headphones, anger, and fear when cornered.

Steve

Traits Local hero, independent, good guy, can be

insensitive, loving parent confused/stressed

Subtext Appears to have it together, underneath he is in grief and confusion over Dylan. Yearns for more than the status quo

Character Logline Steve is the local village bus driver and volunteer fireman who enjoys the role of a local hero. Underneath he is an emotional mess. He is lonely, confused, and wants more out of life.

Possible Areas of subtext Steve hides his emotions, secretly uses a shot of whiskey now and again to cope.

Loves his son yet cannot help him.

[anna harper]

Thank you for educating me on the expressions in the USA. I thought WaWa might be an RV?

Just loved the real story of the homeless man living on the lux balcony.

[anna harper]

Hello Kate, Loved the Shakespear references. Your screenplay also reminded me of Shakespear in Love (using the play to communicate to the antagonist).

Your outline flows well. I could understand the plot and the relationships of the characters.

I think Othello’s influence added the most powerful twist to the plot. Only wondering about the antagonist’s character arc; He is all bad guy right until the end. Does he have any other ways of sucking us in with any fragment of positive/honest traits, or even social skills throughout?

The ending is a satisfying HEA wrap-up. Is there any way the angst could be amped up to make the ending more powerful? Just wondering. This is a sophisticated piece and I am sure it will be enjoyed by your audiences. Best of luck Anna

[anna harper]

Hello June,

many thanks for your critique. I found boiling it down to one sentence was going to make me crazy, as in 9 beats, which is why I posted the complete out line below. I do not think my 9 beats did a good job at all. Totally agree with your comment re the last scene. Was up last night dreaming of the next two scenes which I need to add for it to be a whole cogent piece of work. Thank you for taking the time to do my critique.

[anna harper]

I think this gritty piece of entertainment is original and intriguing. In parts it made me think of the Elementary TV series, where the pieces of the puzzle are brought together.

I think a difficulty with this assignment for me was getting in enough information for things to flow. (In my own project as well) I did get a bit confused with the two women and the maybe love triangle.

I think this could really fly. Something I did notice was the use of vernacular that might be confusing to your larger English-speaking audience. ie What is a Warwa? And wondering does pyro mean he likes setting fires? What happens when the landlord shows up? I could guess a few different possibilities.

Boutique. Why does Marilyn give her ticket to Kim? Are they friends?

Pet sitting the neighbour resents it her kid, then his kid.

What is a legit theatre? In UK/Australia etc. theatre could mean cinema or something like a repertory theatre. reading through I deduce you mean live theatre.

Balcony, having trouble visualizing the plumbing pipes and the balcony (for expensive patrons viewing)

What is the setup payoff for Suzie to help Marilyn, It may be in there I was just getting a little lost.

I hope this is of some use. I really liked it and was genuinely drawn to your piece. I get bored out of my mind with predictable stuff that is out there. This is a sharp and original concept.

My background is mental health (social worker) and I think understanding what draws people into a life of chaos is very useful for building social tolerance and understanding.

I see this as a juicy piece and can visualize your characters potentially dressed in clothes that reflect their lives. Like the switch up emotionally to a happy ending. We all need one now. Even though in real life, this is usually not the case for people in such challenging circumstances. PS I thought the bit with the noose was really excellent drama.

[anna harper]

Hello June may I offer an exchange? Mine is Silent Night which I think is below yours down the page. I will have yours to you tomorrow afternoon. Thank you. ps I like that you stayed on course with the specifics requested and already I can relate to your screenplay.

[anna harper]

Concept. I enjoyed reading this interesting outline. The outline raises many questions which I am sure will be answered as we get the opportunity to develop our outlines.

Some thoughts: The general public may not have a great deal of education re kidney transplant criteria. As the recipient has a non-genetically related donor, perhaps the audience will need to know about the options for blood type matching otherwise it might be confusing.

Next question: Will we learn anything about underlying reasons as to why Cyrus is supporting anti-abortion legislation?

Is it possible to show more emotional evolution of the lead character arc as the story concludes? Perhaps in the way you have alluded to, the relationship between daughter and mother is more than a practical exchange. Thank you for the opportunity. I think this is a great topic for provoking discussion in the USA right now. A courageous choice. Looking forward to seeing how this develops.

[anna harper]

Anita it’s post 24 (I initially posted on the wrong day!) SILENT NIGHT forewarned its very Hallmark.

[anna harper]

Anita, if you would like to partner up, I would appreciate it. I think your story is very interesting, and up my alley as a former social worker. Thanks

[anna harper]

Hello Anita, I would love to partner up. Your story looks super interesting. Thanks Anna

[anna harper]

.

Anna Harper, Assignment: Writer’s Notes for Mickey Gonzalez Producer

What I learned from this assignment: This is very much an organic process requiring a great deal of clarification to bring out a developed script.

These are the questions Hal has requested the Writer to clarify with the Producer.

Thriller Notes: Mickey and I agreed that the conventions and tone of the outline, and his desired outcome was for a Thriller Genre ongoing series.

Mickey had a couple of ideas for the title.

We agreed that Bulletproof was the most exciting.

Concept:

At the beginning my client Mickey the Producer had the idea that this was a screenplay.

During clarification, it became obvious that this was more of a series like The One Armed Man.

The main idea is that Mark the protagonist has created a valuable script which is stolen. There are twists and turns in the plot as he tries to rescue his manuscript. At the end of the outline/concept, the Producer has Mark going off on another dangerous adventure to retrieve his manuscript, ergo One Armed Man trop.

Who is the Hero:

The Hero is Mark, he is twenty years old, Caucasian living (storyworld) in a white trash neighbourhood. (Run down RV /mobile home park. This is a swap out for ghetto which did not fit with Mark’s profile. Mickey the Producer would like the movie set in the 70’s with wardrobe and sets to clearly reflect that era.

Mark is both a wounded (childhood trauma) and a reluctant Hero. We clarified that there is to be intercut pieces to illustrate his backstory which weaves into his current rejection: University, and threat of rejection from Raquel.

He ventures to the University wanting to be admitted to the Berkeley University Film Writing School, he is rejected. He is having an affair/relationship with a prostitute Raquel. She is a much stronger personality than Mark. She challenges him to be aggressive in taking on various villains, bad cops, and strange collusive/elusive women in order to get his script back. Raquel wants Mark to develop a backbone if he wants to keep the relationship going.

Character Arc. Mark comes from a deprived neighbourhood. Has has hung out with bad people since the age of nine. NOW: Mark wants to grow and improve himself; he is rejected by the University. He has his first relationship with a prostitute who tries to help Mark by encouraging him to assert himself to fight and retrieve his manuscript. By the end of the first episode the screenplay should demonstrate that Mark has developed focus and assertiveness to take on unknown threats and pursue the retrieval of his property.

What is the Villains’ story: This is not clear as to the motivation, except current greed. There is no back story to the villains. (The source of their badness) I will need to demonstrate the value of the script needs to be convincingly demonstrated in order to make the story hang together in a believable way.

Budget: Research will need to be done after documenting the special effects required. With minimal special effects as the outline stands, and based on other similar projects: 3 million per episode if filmed with emerging actors.

[anna harper]

Hello Jenna,

First, many thanks for the feedback. I will be making a change with regard to your comment on location orientation. Also I will be clarifying Sarah’ s dialogue.

Jenna Baker’s Reading Sample. Reader Analysis.

Set Up: The set up really put this sample in focus and made it easy to get a grip on it.

Quality of Writing: Overall, the dialogue was very clear and it was straightforward in terms of what was going on and the dynamics between the characters.

Delivery on genre: Avery really gets her just deserts. As she is a nasty person this may well be appreciated as comedy. As a whole I could envision this as a Netflix program.

What needs improvement: I would wonder if the tone of dialogue from Avery’s boss might be more corporate. He sounds quite like his underlings.

I would enjoy reading the whole project and look forward to seeing the romance part of your project. I think this has commercial potential! Best of luck going forward.

[anna harper]

Hi Jenna, as explained my work is 41 on the first page the homework is on, However, I cannot find yours? I can understand if you do not want to post. I was also a bit fearful. However I have gotten over it. I am documented with a course I took in January with the script I am using.

You can always use a watermark.

[anna harper]

Hi there Jenna, and thanks again for volunteering. I am now going over to Part 1 to read your script and will post comments directly under as this is the simple way to get this done, I am having a nightmare with my old computer and having my script in Celtx. Extracting ten pages messes with the format something awful! My work is posted as the 41 st post so just scroll on down. Talk soon. …Anna

[anna harper]

Thank you Jenna will do right away.

[anna harper]

OK here got it worked out. Thanks for the idea

[anna harper]

Hi there Anne, I cannot for the life of me find part 1 , suggestions appreciated

[anna harper]

Hello Douglas,

Do you still need an fb partner? I also need a partner. Read your story, liked it a great deal.

Think the green umbrella symbol is very important. PS I am brief and to the point.

[anna harper]

Hi Marcus, I see we have some similar interests. Can we partner up ASAP need feedback to move forward thanks.

[anna harper]

Hi Travis just a thought re memory. There is plenty of studies which show that music is stored in different areas of the brain than areas which affect some common neurological memory problems, ie dementia. Could be accidents or trauma also. You check out on Lancet British Journal of Medicine, Mayo Clinic etc., ps could you please partner for feedback ASAP re beats logline thanks.

[anna harper]

Hi there Dorothea (my first name is Dorothy BTW) I am a bit behind and need a partner.

I need feedback on my beats and elevating, which I had to shorten to get the assignment in.

I have read your story and like the meat of it. Anna

[anna harper]

Hello Christine, Would you like feedback as per the requirement for the class?

ps I would appreciate you taking a look at mine also if you have time. It was a struggle for me, though useful. Thanks

[anna harper]

Hello Harvey, would you like feedback as per our class requirement. Thanks Anna

p.s. I would appreciate you reading my beat sheet, also a struggle for me. Useful though.

[anna harper]

Hello Bernice,

I really like the title which feels very much as though I was going to watch an art film.

Your writing is clear in your intent of what the story is about. I have been involved with human rights for Falun Gong so I appreciate your focus. The story felt very heavy. It needs to be told. It reminded of the award winning film Water. Also very heavy watching. The only suggestion I would have is to find some moments of joy. This is a dark time in world history, everyone is fed up, some are in despair. Any happiness in a dark story is appreciated. Yours could be an award winner. ps maybe revisit what is back story and what is the actual story/action. best of luck..also I think the deadlines are elastic not pedantic with Hal.

[anna harper]

Hi Bernice, the revisited version is really great. An interesting concept which is sure to be successful.

Bernice, sorry to say with big apologies, I am partnering up with someone in my genre. Best of luck with your learning adventure.

[anna harper]

Hello Bernice, my title is OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL adventure and romance. Ready to give it a whirl if you want to partner up.