[Annie Macdonald]

Hello, where is the “Request to Exchange Scripts?” LISA DUFFY, Hi, I would like to exchange scripts with you. My email is : cinemannie@gmail.com

[Annie Macdonald]

Hi Cheryl, I don’t see a place to enter feedback in the Forums.

Can you please help me?

Kind thanks, Annie

[Annie Macdonald]

HI ZABS, here is the feedback for INFINITY PLUS. Your story reminds me a bit of Secret and Lies of Mike Leigh, and also a documentary by Sarah Polley, plus many stories read in the news about children discovering their father isn’t really their biological father. So it remains a topical subject matter.

I like that you address how traumatized children can invent stories that could destroy a family. I also like that for once it appears that the father is not a complete asshole.

Questions: These are meant to help you clarify your story as told in this outline.

1) If Infinity (what a unique name!) is estranged from her sister, why does she care to remain in her good graces? I know TV/ movies play a lot of “family” games, and the importance of it, but many people I know have a tenuous relationship with their siblings. Also, is she estranged from her parents too, because of the alleged molestation rumor?

2) If Infinity has done a stint at rehab, would she go to a bar? And then confide to a complete stranger?

3) If Anne is so angry at her father, it is not clear why would she attend his funeral.

4) I didn’t understand the core of your story, meaning why Anne lied and what was her father’s crime if her mother was raped? And how could Infinity forgive her for destroying their family?

5) It is a bit surprising that Anne, the destructor has such a “pitch perfect” life, and the supposedly normal girl, Infinity is screwed up.

6) Finally shouldn’t the stranger be introduced in the first act?

Hope these questions help you add clarity to your outline and elevate it to tell a gripping story..

[Annie Macdonald]

Hi ZABS, I’m curious about what problems you discovered while doing the 1-page outline. If you feel comfortable sharing, please do! 😊 Incidentally, your story is similar to what happened to my daughter-in-law. So I also wonder if it’s based on a true story…

[Annie Macdonald]

Annie Macdonald

I learned how crucial it is to write a one-page outline to find the CORE. The problem is I haven’t found it quite YET🙃

TITLE: Colonel Mourad’s Violin

LOGLINE: A Syrian refugee’s dream of playing for peace in a famous venue in London is derailed when her long-lost childhood friend, in a process of radicalization, publicly exposes her father’s alleged war crimes and threatens to kill her.

This is the story of violin prodigy Leyli Mourad, her best friend, the insecure, easily manipulated Ibrahim Safar, and her envious servant, Rashid Ahmad who harbors revenge in his cruel heart. When the civil war breaks, the Safar family joins the rebellion. Rashid returns from the gulf countries, radicalized, full of hatred, and dreams of domination. Leyli and Ibrahim end up orphans. Rashid hounds Leyli to make her his bride by force, using Ibrahim as his bait. She flees, not believing that her “Ibby” could ever turn against her.

Ibrahim follows Rashid to London, planning to recruit disillusioned westerners. Unaware of his nefarious revenge plot against Leyli, Ibrahim blindly carries out his orders. While Leyli suffocates in a refugee camp in Turkey, playing a stringless violin until war correspondent. Gavin Scott finds her.

Despite her declining health Kate, a family friend and music agent rescues Leyli who must now contend with her bitchy daughter Fiona (26). Even if she is more than ever determined to follow her dream, Leyli hits wall after wall with each attempt to move forward. Denied entrance at the Music Academy, on her way back, her chance meeting with long-lost friend Ibrahim proves disastrous. Denied audition at a synagogue because of Ibrahim’s rumors involving Colonel Mourad’s crimes, she seeks in vain advice from Nagano, a violin teacher who used to be her father’s friend. Unable to confide in ailing Kate, she keeps her defeats to herself, but after Kate’s death, nothing can stop her from playing a heartbreaking tribute for her all-time champion.

Discovered by a music promoter, In the hours that follow a threat to her life, she decides it’s time to stand up and fight back. Interviewed on the BBC she fiercely responds to hard questioning, yet she shows mercy to those who have hounded her. In Rashid’s car on his way to kill her, Ibrahim watches the interview on his cellphone, spellbound.

As Leyli comes out of the TV station and is targeted by a demented Rashid, Ibrahim, in a desperate attempt to protect her, takes the bullet. Leyli must make the hardest choice of her life, stay at his side, or perform at the concert of her dream.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Annie Macdonald.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Annie Macdonald.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Annie Macdonald.

[Annie Macdonald]

Annie Macdonald

I agree to all the terms of this release form. 👏

[Annie Macdonald]

Hi Cheryl, and everyone,

1. My name is Annie Bénichou Macdonald I wrote several scripts with my husband & co-writer.

2) We have written short scripts for a local TV producer and written 5 feature screenplays, a novel in the works, and a finished novella.

3) I hope to learn new rewrite skills, but mainly elevate our latest script, COLONEL MOURAD’S VIOLIN, an anti-war drama.

4) The unique thing about me in such a class is my age and nationality. I wonder if anyone here can guess it 🤔

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Annie Macdonald.

[Annie Macdonald]

You’re welcome, Dan.

I was like you, my motto was LESS IS MORE. As you get to ASSIGNMENT 2, you’ll see that you need at least 9 sentences. Perhaps for the assignment, 2 we could partner up to give each other feedback. What do you think?

[Annie Macdonald]

Zabs, where do you live? I love the way you’re ready to jump in. I live in Canada. It’s easier for me if we connect either by messenger or email. My Facebook name is Annie Mac. My email cinemannie@gmail.com. LMK what works for you. 😊

[Annie Macdonald]

Wow, impressive! What are your non-fiction books about? Have any of your books been published? Writing a script is a very delicate operation, different from writing books. I read your outline, it definitely has a hook, but yes, I believe you need more, about one page. 🙂

[Annie Macdonald]

Hi ZABS, I personally don’t much like horror films, but I enjoy good dramas. I would like to partner with you for feedback if something resonates with you after you read my war drama Colonel Mourad’s Violin. If it doesn’t inspire a response, it’s okay. I’ll wait to see if someone else is game.😉

[Annie Macdonald]

Very perceptive, Ken – a little off with my age. Why are you sure I am more than 39 🤔