Armand Petrikowski
Forum Replies Created
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What I learned…
There are TWO MAJOR KEYS to having a first page stand out and the 1/2 page above did both of them. They are:
1. Pour a unique character into the dialogue and actions.
Do a serious think session about your lead character’s most unique traits and make sure they are in full blossom on that first page.
2. Be provocative.
You need to provoke some emotional response in your reader. This can be done with dialogue or description. Remember, Almost any situation can be presented in a dull way or a provocative way. Choose to provoke your reader’s emotions.
Provoke an emotional response. But if I were to bring it down to three things, it would be…
A. Take it to an extreme.
B. Unique/interesting Conflict.
C. Use loaded words and images.
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
O.S. A man’s high-pitched shriek of terror.
INT. MANOR – HALLWAY – CONT.
A college-aged man runs for his life, he’s the one screaming.
TYLER (O.S.)
People are usually afraid of something. Like ghosts.
The man, TYLER, trips on his feet.
He glances back, his eyes open wide—
TYLER (O.S.)
But what are ghosts afraid of?
A ‘Jason from Friday the 13th-esque’ masked killer barges in, machete in hand.
Tyler screams as the killer charges at him.
TYLER (O.S.)
What if ghosts were also afraid of people?
Tyler shrieks. The killer’s machete cuts through Tyler’s body like a plane cutting through a cloud.
Tyler keeps screaming as the machete lands on the hardwood floor.
TYLER (O.S.)
Oh, yeah. I’m that ghost.
The killer’s baffled. Tyler vanishes through the nearest wall.
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Armand Rough draft
What I learned…
THE BASIC STRUCTURE:
1st page: Provocative opening
3rd page: Twist
5th to 10th page: Inciting Incident
By the 10th page: We know what the story is about.
I’m only sharing the outline at this point:
1st page: Our protagonist, the ghost, is seeing running away for his life through the manor. He’s been chased by the masked killer. His V.O. talks about people being afraid of ghosts, but what if ghosts were afraid of people?
3rd page: The killer is about to kill our protagonist. He’s a ghost. Can’t be killed through physical violence. This is a nightmare the ghost keeps having as he spends his after-life stuck in the manor where he was murdered.
5th – 10th page: The new college kids arrive for the weekend. Our protagonist realizes the killer is back, for real.
10th page: The ghost has to act and save these stupid college kids from certain death.
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Armand Opening Scene is Irresistible!
What I learned…
Lead with something irresistible. What is that something? Emotion, intrigue, fresh writing. Below are six rules for the opening of your script. By opening, I mean the first scene of the movie — usually 2 or 3 pages.
Rule 1: Be provocative.
Rule 2: Either the main character or the antagonist or both should be introduced within the first 5 pages, preferably on the first page.
Rule 3: Make sure it is fresh.
Rule 4: The opening must fit the story.
Rule 5: The opening must create story questions.
Rule 6: The opening introduces the “story world” with some unique action.
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
O.S. A man’s shriek of terror.
INT. MANOR – HALLWAY – CONT.
A young man runs for his life, he’s the one screaming.
TYLER (O.S.)
People are usually afraid of something. Like ghosts.
The man, TYLER, trips on his feet.
He glances back, his eyes open wide—
TYLER (O.S.)
But what are ghosts afraid of?
A ‘Jason from Friday the 13th-esque’ masked killer barges in, machete in hand.
Tyler screams as the killer charges at him.
TYLER (O.S.)
What if ghosts were also afraid of people?
Tyler shrieks. The killer’s machete cuts through Tyler’s body like a plane cutting through a cloud.
Tyler keeps screaming as the machete lands on the hardwood floor.
TYLER (O.S.)
Oh, yeah. I’m that ghost.
The killer’s baffled. Tyler vanishes through the nearest wall.
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Armand Openings!
Example 1: Our sarcastic ghost narrates how he ended up stuck in the after-life, while also narrating the serial killer spree from 20 years ago (where he was killed
Unusual V.O. with shocking opening
Example 2: The ghost who is afraid of the serial killer who killed him is introduced as the killer murders a new victim.
Unique character with scene from later in the movie
Example 3: We think we’re seeing a murder, in reality our ghost is watching kids watching a slasher film, when the serial killer strikes.
Trick
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Armand Loves This Opening!
Great opening accomplishes these things:
– Compels us to read the rest of the script.
– Entices the reader on the first page.
– Lets an audience know they’re in good hands.
– Declares the writer is a professional.
KING RICHARD
1st page: Richard’s intro
3rd page: Richard’s VO is actually a pitch
5th to 10th page: Even though all tennis coaches for pro athletes reject Richard’s pitch, he will train himself
By the 10th page: Richard trying to make Venus and Serena champions.
FADE IN:
EXT. BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA – 1989 (ESTABLISHING) Mansions. Palm trees. Bentleys. Benzes. The dream.EXT. PALOS VERDES COUNTRY CLUB – VARIOUS SHOTS – MORNING
A majestic, rolling golf course. Pristine tennis courts. Rich WHITE PEOPLE living the life.
INT. PALOS VERDES COUNTRY CLUB – MORNING
Inside, UNIFORMED STAFF vacuum opulent locker rooms and clean the framed photographs that line the club walls:
ANCIENT TENNIS GREATS. TILDEN. KRAMER. AUSTIN. SHRIVER. All legends. All white. All viewed by:
RICHARD WILLIAMS (47). A tall, powerfully-built black man with broken teeth, a graying beard, and a lifetime of rejection and resentment.
Richard stands in the pro shop in his TENNIS ATTIRE, when a TENNIS PRO arrives with a SHOPPING BAG.
TENNIS PRO
Grounds crew threw out most of ‘em. Got a few here but they look pretty dead.
RICHARD
They not dead to us.
Richard looks in the bag. It’s filled with RATTY OLD TENNIS BALLS. Richard takes it thankfully and without shame, heading out with his bounty as we hear —
RICHARD (V.O.)
Where I grew up, in Louisiana, Seedy Grove. Tennis was not a game peoples played. We was too busy running from the Klan. But here it is…
EXT. PALOS VERDES COUNTRY CLUB – VARIOUS SHOTS – MORNING
Richard’s garbled Louisiana drawl continues as he strolls the manicured grounds, collecting stray balls as he goes. He plucks them from trash as WHITE CLUB MEMBERS play.
RICHARD (V.O.)
…when I’m interested in a thing, I learn it. How it works. How the best people in the world do it. That’s what I did with tennis and the girls.
INT. RICHARD’S VW BUS – DAY
Richard’s now at the wheel listening to a homemade tape as he drives to another club through postcard L.A.
BUD COLLINS (V.O.)
If you look at the biggest servers. Sampras. Lendl. Connors. You’ll see the break of their wrists is like a smack. Like a high-five. That’s what you’re looking for when you hit it. That pop.
Richard practices as he drives in his van, which is a character itself.
Part mobile tennis clinic, part mobile home, it’s filled with schoolbooks, cassette tapes, audiobooks on parenting and self-help like RICH DAD, POOR DAD, along with a ridiculous accoutrement of tennis shit. Drill cones. Broken rackets. Milk crates filled with hundreds of collected USED BALLS. Like Richard, it’s charming and one-of-a-kind.
RICHARD (V.O.)
Now all we need is a club.
EXT. FANCY TENNIS CLUB – DAY
We now understand we’ve been hearing a sales pitch, which Richard is giving to an UNINTERESTED PRO at another fancy club. He hands him a HOMEMADE BROCHURE.
RICHARD
For training. And Clinics. The whole deal. Everything the girls need to go from prodigy to pro.EXT. ANOTHER FANCY TENNIS CLUB – DAY
Richard’s presentation continues to BUD COLLINS (60), the Bob Hope of tennis, listening graciously, poolside.
RICHARD
I wrote me a 78-page plan for their whole career before they was even born. Bud laughs, quite amused and —EXT. ANOTHER FANCY TENNIS CLUB – DAY
Richard continues at another FANCY CLUB, following a very DISMISSIVE PRO.
RICHARD
It was 1977 and I had watched this tennis match, and I seen them give this girl – Virginia Ruzici — 40 thousand dollars for four days work, and since I knew I’d only made $52,000 all year, I knew I was in the wrong business. Went home that night, told the wife we need to make two more kids.OFF the DISMISSIVE PRO, just fucking flabbergasted and —
RICHARD (PRE-LAP)
So that night I wrote up the plan.
EXT. ANOTHER FANCY TENNIS CLUB – DAY
Richard’s now cornered ANOTHER BAFFLED PRO at practice.
RICHARD
One for Venus. One for Serena. Covered their tennis. Educations. Foreign languages. Everything. And now that plan says it’s time for us to come see you so you can help turn them into champions.He hands the pro the brochure and —
EXT. COUNTRY CLUB – POOLSIDE – DAY
Bud flips through it too. A HOMEMADE PAMPHLET FULL OF NUMBERS, GRAPHS, and CHARTS. The girls’ “FUTURE EARNINGS.” Bud reads it in disbelief as —
RICHARD
Now, I know what you’re thinking. This family is from the ghetto. How they going to pay old me?EXT. ANOTHER FANCY TENNIS CLUB – DAY
Richard’s on the court with the Baffled Pro.
RICHARD
Well, don’t you worry ‘bout that. We’re not here to rob you. We’re here to make you rich.EXT. FANCY TENNIS CLUB – DAY
The Uninterested Pro hands the brochure back to Richard.
UNINTERESTED PRO
You ever think about basketball?
EXT. COUNTRY CLUB – POOLSIDE – DAY
— and Bud hands it back too.
BUD COLLINS
Best of luck to ya.
RICHARD
OK. You making a mistake but I’m gonna let you make it. Them pants look expensive.EXT. ANOTHER FANCY TENNIS CLUB – DAY
— and finally, the Baffled Pro returns Richard’s pamphlet as well with some last words of advice.
BAFFLED PRO
If I had a dollar for every crazy parent who told me their kids’ll be number one, I’d be a rich man.RICHARD
You look pretty rich to me.BAFFLED PRO
Well, there you go.
The Baffled Pro serves. His STUDENT returns it. Richard can’t help but pipe in.
RICHARD
You need to open up your stance a little more. Your stance too closed.Off Richard’s frustration, heading off the court back to–
EXT. COMPTON, CALIFORNIA – VARIOUS SHOTS – DAY
A different world. A diverse, working-class neighborhood made infamous by gangs, drug wars, and NWA.
Richard’s bus drives past the Compton Swap. D&K Donuts. Louis Burgers. Liquor stores on the corners. Cops on the streets. Lowriders booming the latest tracks of the day.
And right in the heart of it, we meet —
EXT. WILLIAMS’ HOME (COMPTON) – DAY
TWO young BLACK GIRLS (8 and 9) lugging PHONE BOOKS from their front lawn.
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Armand Amazing Final Line!
What I learned…
The last line/image…is what the whole movie is about.
If your last line/image isn’t what the whole movie is about, you wasted a precious opportunity and need to rewrite the last line and maybe the entire script!
A. Directly answer the main question the entire movie is about.
B. Finally we hear the one thing that the character wouldn’t say in the movie.
C. Solve the puzzle.
ASSIGNMENT
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Try out each of these possible final lines/images on your script.
1. Brainstorm ways to do each of the following with your story.And if you have to change your entire third act to do each of them,do it. Why? Because it might just give you the amazing ending you hope for.
A. Directly answer the main question the entire movie is about.
Tyler, as a ghost, defeats the killer and moves on to the after-life with Maddie’s soul.
B. Finally we hear the one thing that the character wouldn’t say in the movie.
Tyler, discovering defeating the killer didn’t let to him moving on. Tells the still-living Maddie to “live.” Which is what he didn’t do for most of his life and after-life, always being afraid of something.
C. Solve the puzzle.
Tyler’s half-brother is the killer. Tyler defeats him as a killer, and as a ghost.
2. Select the best final line/image and write the final scene.
INT. MANOR – MIDNIGHT
The killer’s body is on the floor, finally dead and sent to Hell. Tyler’s body starts glowing.
LEX
What’s happening?
TYLER
I think I’m moving on.
LEX
I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want to be alone.
TYLER
(Re: Lex’s sister Dallas)
You won’t be.
Dallas and Lex exchange looks.
MADDIE (OS)
You won’t be alone either.
Tyler discovers Maddie is a soul guiding him to the after-life. He holds her in his arms and they kiss.Together, they move on to the after, after-life. Both finally resting in peace.
EXT. MANOR – DAY
Lex and Dallas come out of the front door as the police cars drive through the gates.
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Armand final page!
What I learned…
Of course, you want to give a sense of completion with your last page, but you also need to satisfy your audience’s needs in three areas:
– Surprising
– Inevitable
– Meaningful
FINAL PAGES THAT END MEANINGFULLY
I’m going to give you six examples of final pages that provide meaning as they conclude the script. They are:
A. The Setup / Payoff final page.
B. The Contrast final page.
C. The Climax/Resolution final page.
D. The “Something good is going to come out of this mess” final page.
E. The “One last gesture” final page.
F. The Shock final page
Try on these structures for your final page.
1. Take a look at your final pages and write up a paragraph showing how each of these could possibly work for your story.
A. The Setup / Payoff final page.
Set up that Tyler dreams he could have been brave and saved his friends, and he does it in the end saving Maddie and the others.
B. The Contrast final page.
The ghost stays in the manor forever, but now has friends living there and also, befriends other ghosts.
C. The Climax/Resolution final page.
The killer is finally defeated, Tyler moves on.
D. The “Something good is going to come out of this mess” final page.
– Doesn’t work for my script
E. The “One last gesture” final page.
Tyler can move on having defeated the killer, but he uses his after-life power to give Lex life and will remain as a ghost forever.
F. The Shock final page
Not applicable.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
The killer’s dead body is on the ground. Dallas sits next to Lex’s dead body.
Tyler starts moving on. Maddie notices.
TYLER
What is it?
MADDIE
It’s happening.
Tyler glances at Lex’s body. He walks up to her.
DALLAS
What are you doing?
TYLER
What’s right.
Tyler reaches for Lex’s face. Maddie stops him—
MADDIE
If you do this…
TYLER
I’ll never leave the manor. But that’s okay.
Maddie sobs. Tyler caresses her cheek. She smiles through the tears.
TYLER
Do me a favor. Live. Okay?
Maddie nods as Tyler touches Lex. He dissolves into thin air.
Lex coughs, waking up.
Maddie and Dallas comfort Lex.
LEX
Where’s Tyler?
They say nothing.
Tyler observes them right there, but they can’t see him anymore. He smiles, still a ghost, but resting in peace.
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Armand Rules!
What I learned…
– Keep the conflict present in some form. It doesn’t have to be the main conflict, although that is the best one to build interest around.
– Give us some reason to worry about the success or failure of the protagonist.
– Add a twist or two that either introduces some new conflict or takes away an easy solution.
– Put the goal in jeopardy in some way. This creates doubt about the final outcome of the movie.
ASSIGNMENT
Fulfill the last three rules of Great Endings in the following methods:
RULE 5. Don’t go On-The-Nose.
N/A
RULE 6. The climax of the movie must be set in the quintessential location for the conflict.
The obvious answer is the room where the ghost was murdered, which he has avoided all his after-life.
RULE 7. Must keep us guessing to the very end. Tell us at least three things you’ll do to keep us guessing to the end.
The killer seems poised to succeed
The ghost loses his closest living friend
The killer dies and also becomes an evil ghost -
Armand Kick Ass endings!
ASSIGNMENT
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Try on each of these structures for your ending. To do that:
A. One at a time, brainstorm ways to use each Kick Ass ending for your story.
1. The Ultimate Confrontation
The relentless serial killer is physically more powerful than anyone else, and he has mental power over the ghost, who’s afraid of the killer. But the killer has killed college kids, and he will continue killing unless stopped for good.
2. Return Home, Only it is Different
The lonely ghost defeats the killer but doesn’t move and remain a ghost, only now he socializes with other ghosts in the manor.
3. End with a Future
The ghost will move on from Maddie, asking her to go live a good life.
4. Major Layer Uncovered
The killer is the ghost’s half-brother, who just sold the manor and plans to buy it back after the massacre goes public
5. Good Guy Wins after Much Pain and Risk
He can save the college kids after defeating the killer for good
6. Great Protagonist Strategy
If the killer is defeated, the ghost may be able to rest in peace
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Armand Powerful Setups
What I learned…
Writing great endings is a NON-LINEAR process.
Here are the steps to creating a great ending:
1. Write the first draft or outline of the movie.
2. Elevate the ending to a much higher level than the rest of the script.
3. Return to the rest of the script and put in the setups that will make that ending work.
AN IMPORTANT ADDITION TO OUR EQUATION
I’ve said that the key to a great ending is “Surprising, but Inevitable…”. Now, let me add another word that is extremely important when it comes to the events of an ending. That word is… MEANING
So our new equation for a great ending is “Surprising, but Inevitable with Meaning.”
Nothing in a 3rd Act is coincidental. Everything is there because it serves the story and even more importantly, because the story set it up powerfully
ASSIGNMENT
Looking at your current ending, generate ideas on how you can set it up powerfully using each of these techniques. Try to come up with at least one setup for each of the techniques below.
A. Build their Reputation
It is said the serial killer is relentless, and was never caught. Tyler is said to have the potential to be a good leader, but he is selfish. As a ghost, we learn ghosts are souls tortured by their mistakes in life.
B. Justification for the final actions
The college kids are killed, including the one closest to the ghost. But there is one living college kid he can save.
C. Cast doubt on the success of the final actions
The killer has a supernatural connection to the ghost, and can fight it. The ghost is afraid of the killer.
D. Discuss the final actions openly
The plan is to kill the killer, ensuring he goes straight to Hell.
E. Twists that take it away
The college kids have a chance to escape, then one gets kidnapped
F. Alternate Hope/fear
The ghost thinks he’s defeated the killer, but the killer is alive and can see the ghost.
G. Create and pay off emotional setups
The ghost promises the college kids, he’ll keep them save. Then one dies. But the ghost finds a way to revive one of them.
H. Suspense around the outcome
They can’t take down the killer, despite multiple attempts.
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Armand Three Endings
UP ENDING
Beginning of 3rd Act: Lex was killed, Tyler the ghost has failed to save the college kids
Twists. But Tyler finds a way to bring Lex back to life
Crisis. The killer kills Maddie.
Climax. Tyler defeats the killer, the remaining college kids are saved, he moves on to the afterlife with Maddie.
Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both: Both.
DOWN
Beginning of 3rd Act. The killer seems to be dead, they need to leave the manor.
Twists. The killer returns and kills the remaining college kids.
Crisis. Maddie is killed and doesn’t become a ghost.
Climax. Tyler is trapped forever in limbo as a ghost, alone.
6Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both: None.
IRONY
Beginning of 3rd Act. The killer seems to be defeated, Tyler has saved the day. Maddie and the college kids survived.
Twists. Tyler is still a ghost, he’s not moving on to the after-life.
Crisis. Tyler realizes he can’t leave the manor, ever.
Climax. Tyler defeats the killer. He doesn’t move on and remains a ghost, but wins Maddie’s love and forgiveness.
Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both. Need yes, goal no.
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Armand 3rd Act Structure
ASSIGNMENT
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A. Answer the 5 questions below so you have a good understanding of the foundation that needs to be considered as you create your ending.
1. What is it that fascinates you about this story?
The possibility of a second chance.
2. What is the main conflict of the story?
A ghost who was murdered needs to step to prevent his grimly fate to repeat itself.
3. What is the main goal/need of your protagonist?
Save the new batch of college kids/make amends with the love he lost.
4. What is the character arc of your main characters?
From selfish to caring.
5. How do you want this movie to end?
The ghost moves on to the after-life, along with the girl he loved.
B. Give a short description of how each of these structural steps will occur in your script.
1. PLOT POINT 2 — A major twist that sends the story towards its final destination.
One of the main college kids is killed despite Tyler’s efforts.
2. CRISIS — The decision point.
The ghost realizes he needs to stop the killer, for good.
3. CLIMAX — Bring the Protagonist face to face with the Antagonist to face his biggest fear.
The killer is the ghost’s half-brother.
4. RESOLUTION — Show the effects of the climax and tie up loose ends.
The final girl dies saving the rest of the college kids. The main college kid that was killed, survives.
5. FINAL PAGE — The final minute of the movie.
The ghost and his love move on to the after-life together.
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Armand’s Great Ending.
What I learned…
AN ENDING MUST BE SURPRISING, BUT INEVITABLE.
MOVIE: SCREAM 3
BASIC STORY UP TO THE 3RD ACT:
Sydney Prescott, the final girl and protagonist, has been lured out of hiding by a new masked serial killer taking down the cast of the film-within-the-film Stab (a parody of Scream itself).
Sydney works closely with the PD to identify the killer.
Most of the Stab actors have been killed, and now Sydney and her remaining friends learn that, in horror movie sequels, the end of the trilogy brings a twist in which the lead could die. That means Sydney could be killed.
The remaining survivors are gathering in a manor to keep safe. Sydney’s closest friends are kidnapped by the killer and Sydney is lured into the manor.
3rd ACT POINTS:
Sydney tries rescuing her friends, fights the killer
Sydney discovers the killer is Stab’s director, also her half-brother
Sydney’s half-brother is responsible for the events that set Scream in motion
The killer plans to pin his murders on Sydney in a fake murder-suicide
The killer stabs Sydney, but she was wearing a vest
Sydney and friends defeat the killer
GREAT ENDING:
Sometime later, back at home, Sidney returns from a walk with her dog and leaves her gates, which were previously shown to be alarmed, open. She enters her home and is invited to to watch a movie by her friends. As she goes to join the others, her front door blows open behind her, but she walks away leaving it as it is, finally confident that the murders are over.
SETUPS IN FIRST TWO ACTS:
In the opening scene, the killer calls a survivor from the earlier films and inquires about Sydney’s whereabouts.
Sydney lives in seclusion working as a domestic violence hotline counselor.
Sydney has an alarm system to guard the gates to her hideout.
Sydney learns that her dead mother went to Hollywood in her youth to be an actress. She worked for the producer of the Stab movies.
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Armand Colorful Dialogue
What I learned…
FORMATS FOR COLORFUL DIALOGUE
Below are the definitions for seven Colorful Dialogue techniques. Most important, these techniques need to be used in conjunction with the Character Traits.
TAKE TO AN EXTREME: Most remote in any direction; outermost or farthest: Of the greatest severity; drastic.
POETIC: the use of language chosen for its sound and suggestive power and by the use of literary techniques such as meter, metaphor, and rhyme.
UNIQUE NAMING: A word or group of words used to describe or evaluate, often disparagingly.
JARGON: The specialized or technical language of a trade, profession, or similar group.
WRITE EMOTIONALLY: Arousing or intended to arouse the emotions. Readily affected with or stirred by emotion.
CONTRADICTORY STATEMENTS: Two statements that assert or express the opposite of each other.
STRANGE CONCLUSIONS: A judgment or decision reached that appears to be abnormal, bizarre, offbeat, or uncommon.
INT. HALLWAYS – MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler lags behind Maddie, axe in her arms, across the depths of the manor.
TYLER
What are you going to do when the killer finds you!
MADDIE
Invite him to my tea party. Do you think he likes finger food?
TYLER
I think he enjoys chopping fingers.
MADDIE
He won’t be chopping these ones.
TYLER
You used to be so sweet. What happened?
MADDIE
You happened. And the media, and the cops.
TYLER
I’m sorry.
MADDIE
I didn’t ask you to save me then. I don’t need you now.
TYLER
I died trying—
MADDIE
Why don’t you go away and try dying instead? Leave me alone!
Maddie exits, leaving Tyler baffled.
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Armand Subtext Pointers 2
What I learned doing this assignment…
SUBTEXT POINTERS
I’ve had people say they had difficulty understanding the Subtext Pointers, so let’s start with the definitions and then the example.
Metaphor – The application of a word or phrase to an objector concept which it does not literally denote.
Implication – Something indicated or suggested as naturally to be inferred.
Insinuation – An indirect or covert suggestion or hint; especially of a derogatory nature.
Hint – A clue, a slight covert suggestion.
Sarcasm – A sneering or cutting remark toward an object of ridicule.
Allusion – To reference casually or indirectly.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Lex and Dallas explore their surroundings.
LEX
This must be the killer’s lair.
DALLAS
It kinda looks like your bedroom at home.
LEX
That place is hardly a home.
DALLAS
Younger daughters have it easy.
LEX
You made it such a walk in the park.
DALLAS
I didn’t ask for my parents divorce.
LEX
Don’t blame me for your mom being a starter wife.
DALLAS
Or your mom a gold digger.
LEX
Your mom is a gold digger too!
DALLAS
I guess that has a type.
LEX
He’s a jerk, isn’t it?
DALLAS
He wasn’t always like that. You’re too young to remember—
LEX
Too young, too weird for him, or you.
DALLAS
I could have been nicer to you.
LEX
That’s a confession.
DALLAS
We’re about to die.
LEX
The one thing we’ll do together.
They exchange smiles.
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Armand Cover-ups
What I learned…
There are three key parts to subtext:
1. The actual text/action.
2. The deeper meaning.
3. The point the deeper meaning is revealed to the audience.
Dialogue Subtext comes in two types:
1. The cover up
2. Subtext pointers
Sometimes a cover-up is more powerful because it causes an
audience to engage, interpret and enjoy the deeper meaning. Sometimes,
a Subtext Pointer is more powerful because it causes the audience
to experience a specific subtext.
METHODS OF COVER-UP:
– Silence: Person doesn’t answer when they should.
– Action incongruent with words.
– Change subject.
– Question them.
– Attack back.
– Complement them.
– Threaten them.
– Confirm something they already believe whether it’s true or not.
– Misdirection: Do or say something that sends their mind in different direction.
– Inappropriate reaction to an emotional event.
– Distraction.
– Make a joke of it.
– Continue the conversation as if nothing happened.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler, still a ghost, and Maddie hide in the storage closet.
MADDIE
Why are you in here? The killer can’t see you or touch you…
Silence: Person doesn’t answer when they should.
Tyler remains quiet, shushes Maddie as they hear incoming steps.
Action incongruent with words.
TYLER
I’m not going to let anything happen to you—
Incoming steps. Tyler gasps, disappears through the wall.
MADDIE
You hid again, didn’t you?
TYLER (O.S.)
(peeks through the wall)
No.
Change subject.
TYLER
Do you remember our ski trip to Colorado?
Question them.
TYLER
What are you doing in here hiding, miss badass?
Attack back.
TYLER
I guess I’m just as useless as you. Only I’m already dead!
Complement them.
TYLER
I like your wild hair.
MADDIE
Shut up.
Threaten them.
TYLER
Do you want to die like everyone else?
Confirm something they already believe whether it’s true or not.
TYLER
Yes. I’m a coward. Doesn’t come as a big shocker.
Misdirection: Do or say something that sends their mind in different direction.
TYLER
Any idea who the killer might be?
Inappropriate reaction to an emotional event.
Tyler starts singing the star-spangled banner.
MADDIE
Be quiet!
TYLER
He can’t hear me.
MADDIE
If I can hear you, everyone can—
Distraction.
TYLER
You have a spider…
Maddie stifles her scream. Cleans spiderwebs off her.
Make a joke of it.
TYLER
Thank you for explaining the basics of ghostliness.
Continue the conversation as if nothing happened.
TYLER
We need to find something to get the killer. Look around.
BEST RESPONSE FOR TYLER:
Make a joke of it.
TYLER
Thank you for explaining the basics of ghostliness.
-
Armand Dialogue Structures
What I learned…
1. CIRCULAR DIALOGUE
This is one of the easiest of all dialogue techniques. Essentially, one or more characters begin a subject, are interrupted, and circles back to their original subject.
2. METAPHORIC DIALOGUE
There are two varieties of metaphoric dialogue:
A. When someone speaks through metaphors. Like a business person who consistently talks through sports metaphors. “The client was walking us out. It was the ninth inning and just before we left, Jack hit a home run.”
Other metaphors: Nature, war, business, religion, movies, etc.
This, again, is an expression of “Life Metaphors” and I include it to emphasize that a Life Metaphor needs to be a metaphor, not just a saying or belief.
B. When two characters are doing and talking about something that actually represents something more important to them.
This happens in a lot of love scenes where the stroking of a horse or the tending of flowers is played out as foreplay to making love.
3. TWO DIFFERENT CONVERSATIONS AT THE SAME TIME
Person A talks about one thing. Person B talks about another. You’d think they’re in two different rooms. They’re not communicating, that’s for sure. But somehow, it comes around in a way that reveals character and makes sense to the audience.
-
Armand Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned…
There are two very important reasons to be proficient at anticipatory dialogue.
1. The better you are at causing your reader to wonder/worry about the future of your screenplay, the more likely they’ll read the entire script.
2. Some readers and executives only read the dialogue. And in many cases, they skim it. That means that some of your dialogue needs to cause anticipation in a way that stands out
Anticipatory dialogue list:
1. Direct prediction.
2. Indirect prediction.
3. Countdown.
4. Imply consequences.
5. Imply hopelessness.
6. Shield from consequences in advance.
7. Warnings.
8. Create reputation for the villain.
9. Confront someone hiding from a future consequence.
10. A challenge issued.
11. Silence at a strange time.
ASSIGNMENT
Backstory: A seance has made Tyler tangible for the first time in the story.
MADDIE
If I can touch you…
LEX
Then the killer can touch you.
TYLER
I can be killed!
Tyler runs away freaking out. Out of habit, he crosses for the wall and bangs himself on the head, bouncing backwards on the floor.
MADDIE
We have to finish this. If we kill him first, this will be over.
LEX
We have about one hour until midnight. The seance won’t work after that.
TYLER
What will happen after that?
LEX
You will poof.
TYLER
Poof?
LEX
You’ll cease to exist. No ghost, no soul. No after-life.
TYLER
I don’t have the skills to do this. I’ll be dead, dead soon.
MADDIE
If you die, we’ll die together. I won’t let that bastard touch anyone else.
LEX
The killer is relentless, but he’s still human. We can defeat him. Together.
TYLER
You’re right. He’s only a human. A very determined, psychotic, blood-thirsty human.
-
What I learned…
CONTRASTING DIALOGUE.
The simplest form of the technique is this:
The character’s words give one message, action/environment gives another.
The strategy is simple:
A. Put two things together that contrast each other.
OR
B. Simply oppose words and actions/visuals in some way.
ASSIGNMENT
TYLER
Cocky
Funny
Scared
Romantic
LEX
Brave
Sarcastic
Acts Superior
Lonely
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Lex, terrified but mostly intrigued, interrogates Tyler through her EVP app. She advances as Tyler floats in front of her.
LEX
What’s your name, spirit?
Tyler floats in circles around Lex, she’s unaware.
TYLER
I’m Tyler.
(Re: EVP)
How are you communicating with me?
LEX
It’s an electronic entity phenomena app I created. EEP.
Lex glances around. She can hear Tyler, but can’t see him.
LEX
Proof you are a ghost.
Tyler moves a frame on the wall.
LEX
Do it again!
Tyler does. Lex presses a button on her app. A light comes up, sucking Tyler’s soul inside.
TYLER
What are you doing?
LEX
I’m a ghost hunter. Best way to proof you’re real is to show the world.
Tyler appears on Lex’s screen. He bangs on the screen as he shouts at her like a FaceTime call.
TYLER
Let me out.
LEX
Now, now. Be a good ghost and tell me what happened to you.
-
Armand World View scene
What I learned…
The most important thing you can do with dialogue is to be SELECTIVE. The truth is that a character can say hundreds of things in any scene, but very few of them will have impact. You want to select words that have the most impact.
Every character has a World View that influences their dialogue. Their World View includes life metaphors, rules and strategies, and justifications.
The model contains four parts:
World View: Their overall view of the world they live in.
Metaphors: The Life metaphors they operate out of inside that world.
Rules and strategies: What works and doesn’t work in their world.
Justifications: Their “legitimate reasons” and excuses for what they do.
ASSIGNMENT
In this scene in Act 1, Tyler the ghost learns what the living think about him and the night he was murdered 20 wears ago. He’s with Lex, a goth teen who is obsessed with true crime.
TYLER
Cocky
Funny
Scared
Romantic
Character Name: Tyler
World View: The After-Life is Solitary Confinement
Life Metaphor: Captivity, Ghost, Fraud
Rules and Strategies: Being alone, avoid bad memories
Justifications: I deserve solitary confinement
LEX
Brave
Sarcastic
Acts Superior
Lonely
Character Name: Lex
World View: The Living Sucks
Life Metaphor: The After-Life is better
Rules and Strategies: Works: being a loner, doesn’t work: asking for help
Justifications: People disappoint you, betray you
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Lex confronts Tyler through her EVP app.
LEX
Announce yourself, spirit.
TYLER
(unimpressed)
Chill out, Wednesday Adams—
LEX
Who are you?
TYLER
Leave me alone!
Lex amps up the levels on the EVP app, it sends a shockwave to Tyler.
TYLER
Ouch… Cut that out!
LEX
Are you a ghost?
TYLER
I’m… Tyler.
LEX
Tyler… Berkeley?
TYLER
The one and only.
LEX
I can’t believe it’s you. You’re a hero.
TYLER
I’m not.
LEX
Everyone think so… The massacre—
TYLER
I don’t want to talk about it. You need to leave me alone.
LEX
How is the after-life?
TYLER
You don’t want to know.
LEX
Has to be better than this—
TYLER
It’s like a loop of solitary confinement.
LEX
What?
TYLER
It sucks!
LEX
But… I’ve worked so hard to seek contact with ghosts. I was hoping it would be better than where I am. I want to see you! I want to die! I’ll kill myself—
TYLER
There is no guarantee you’ll become a ghost. I haven’t seen or talked to anyone, dead or alive, in years.
LEX
(Grabbing a knife)
I’m doing it—
Tyler floats toward Lex, snatches the knife from her hand.
LEX
Hey!
TYLER
I deserve to be here. But I don’t know you, and I wouldn’t wish you this anyway.
LEX
But—
TYLER
Good bye. Too much eyeliner by the way.
Tyler dissolves into thin air, leaving Lex alone.
LEX
Spirit? Spirit! Tyler!
-
Armand Character Traits Live!
What I learned…
THREE KEYS TO WELL PRONOUNCED CHARACTER TRAITS
1. They represent the CORE of that character.
2. They are precise.
3. One or more traits is demonstrated well in each line of dialogue.
ASSIGNMENT
In this scene in Act 1, Tyler the ghost learns what the living think about him and the night he was murdered 20 wears ago. He’s with Lex, a goth teen who is obsessed with true crime.
TYLER
Cocky
Funny
Scared
Romantic
LEX
Brave
Sarcastic
Acts Superior
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Lex confronts Tyler through her EVP app.
LEX
Announce yourself, spirit.
TYLER
(unimpressed)
Chill out, Wednesday Adams.
Lex amps up the levels on the EVP app, it sends a shockwave to Tyler.
TYLER
Ouch… Cut that out. I’m Tyler.
LEX
Tyler… Berkeley?
TYLER
The one and only.
LEX
I can’t believe it’s you. You… you’re a hero.
TYLER
I am?
LEX
A lot of people think so.
TYLER
Cool.
LEX
They said you sacrificed yourself to save the woman you love.
TYLER
Maddie…
LEX
But I know the truth.
TYLER
What happened to Maddie? — What truth?
LEX
I know why you’re trapped in the afterlife.
TYLER
What happened to Maddie?
LEX
No one knows.
TYLER
She’s alive?
LEX
She disappeared ten years ago. They said the killer got her.
Tyler gasps in disbelief.
-
Armand Great Dialogue Scene from BRIDGERTON
What I learned from this assignment is…
Dialogue is a screenwriting tool just like visuals, music, character, etc. The two main activities of dialogue are:
An constant expression of character
Consistent attack/counterattack
Dialogue is either setting something up, paying it off, providing other meanings, highlighting something that needs to be in the foreground, foreshadowing something coming up or accomplishing a number of other purposes. Just to highlight this, let me repeat the main point: It is essential that dialogue accomplishes a purpose. Otherwise, it doesn’t belong in a script.
SCENE
15A INT. ST. JAMES PALACE/OUTSIDE PRESENTATION CHAMBER – DAY
As DEBUTANTES don feathers and MOTHERS fuss with their ensembs — we notice a few of them side-eyeing Daphne and Violet, who now stand in front of a pair of MASSIVE DOORS.
LADY WHISTLEDOWN (V.O.)
One’s triumph at the palace today invariably signifies one’s success on the marriage mart tomorrow…
A: THE STAKES OF THE SHOW ARE STATED, AND WE KNOW WHAT MATTERS IN THIS WORLD
We move CLOSE on Daphne’s face — all nerves and excitement. And as Violet eyes her daughter, we hear a booming voice:
LORD-IN-WAITING (O.S.) Miss Daphne Bridgerton. Presented by her mother. The Right Honourable, the Dowager Viscountess Bridgerton.
Daphne takes a breath, steeling herself, as the doors open and she peers inside:
16 INT. ST. JAMES PALACE/PRESENTATION CHAMBER – CONTINUOUS
Pure decadence up in here. QUEEN CHARLOTTE sits at the far end of the room. SOCIETY MEMBERS, on both sides of an insanely long aisle, all staring back at Daphne now.
Off our girl, taking a step forward, we start to CUT, OUT- OF-TIME:
17 INT. ST. JAMES PALACE/PRESENTATION CHAMBER
LORD-IN-WAITING
Miss Prudence Featherington. (another card) Miss Philipa Featherington. (another card) And… Miss Penelope Featherington. All presented by their mother. The Right Honourable, Lady Featherington. Reveal the Featherington girls, on the arm of their mother. All eyeing the Queen, who’s already irritated.
BACK TO:
18 INT. ST. JAMES PALACE/PRESENTATION CHAMBER
Daphne moves down the aisle — slowly, carefully — locking eyes with Her Majesty. The Bridgerton siblings watch from the sidelines, where Eloise covertly reads Whistledown…
LADY WHISTLEDOWN (V.O.)
Pray, it is the Queen who shall keep the fashionable world apprised of a lady’s single most valuable and desirable asset: her reputation.
A: ANOTHER GREAT WAY TO INTRODUCE US INTO THE WORLD.
19 INT. ST. JAMES PALACE/PRESENTATION CHAMBER
The Featheringtons move down the aisle. Looking quite uncomfortable. Because Prudence’s dress is awfully tight, and Philipa is way too nervous, and Penelope’s not even looking at the Queen right now. She’s too busy taking in this amazing space. Lady Featherington elbows her. HARD.
LADY WHISTLEDOWN (V.O.)
As such, any lady failing to secure the court’s glowing endorsement shall endure the consequences…
20 INT. ST. JAMES PALACE/PRESENTATION CHAMBER
Daphne finally reaches the end of the aisle. A mere inches from the Queen now. She curtsies. So deep she’s practically kneeling. Like she practiced. Her Majesty tilts her head. Judging. Everyone leans forward. It’s fucking TENSE.
INT. ST. JAMES PALACE/PRESENTATION CHAMBER
On Prudence, attempting her curtsy. It ain’t happening. Lady F puts a hand on Prudence’s shoulder. A flagrant attempt to help that curtsy. Queen Charlotte sees it, is about to say something, when she catches Penelope’s mortified face. The Queen sighs, looks away with a flick of her wrist. Lady F just stands there: The fuck does that mean??
LADY WHISTLEDOWN (V.O.)
And not just from Her Majesty…
LADY FEATHERINGTON
I should just like to–
LORD-IN-WAITING –You should just like to go, madam.
LADY WHISTLEDOWN (V.O.) …But from me.
Lady F nods stiffly. And that’s when a pale-looking Prudence suddenly just… faints. FEATHERINGTON. DOWN. Off an aghast Queen and a humiliated Lady Featherington…
LADY WHISTLEDOWN (V.O.) (CONT’D)
For I have at my disposal a most powerful weapon that even the Queen lacks. My pen.
A: AND WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS PERSONALITY?
INT. ST. JAMES PALACE/PRESENTATION CHAMBER
The Queen’s on her feet now. Staring down at Daphne, until:
QUEEN CHARLOTTE
Flawless, my dear.
And she kisses Daphne on the forehead. Anthony smiles from the sidelines, impressed, as GENTLEMEN whisper. Daphne stares up at the queen — her mouth momentarily agape — completely swept up in what’s very clearly a HUGE moment. As Daphne and Violet back away—
DAPHNE (quietly, to Violet)
Did that truly just happen?
VIOLET Keep smiling, dearest. They are watching you. Now more than ever.
LADY WHISTLEDOWN (V.O.)
A weapon this author will wield most keenly. No matter who you are. Or what your name might be…
A: THE OPENING SCENE OF THE PILOT QUICKLY GAVE US THE STAKES, MYSTERY, AND WHAT OUR MAIN CHARACTER WILL GO THROUGH NOW THAT SHE HAS BEEN CHOSEN BY THE QUEEN.
Off Daphne, back to smiling that perfect smile, we have our–
BRIDGERTON TITLE SEQUENCE.
-
Armand Directional FOS patterns.
What I learned…
SUBTEXT POINTERS
Here’s a list of six figures-of-speech that work well for subtext:
Metaphor
Implication
Insinuation
Hint
Sarcasm
Allusion
Metaphor- The application of a word or phrase to an object or concept which it does not literally denote.
Implication – Something indicated or suggested as naturally to be inferred.
Insinuation – An indirect or covert suggestion or hint.
Hint – A clue, a slight covert suggestion.
Sarcasm – A sneering or cutting remark toward an object of ridicule.
Allusion – To reference casually or indirectly.
Each of these figures-of-speech point your mind toward something underneath the surface. They’re aren’t just cover-ups. They engage the mind and cause us to wonder, jump to conclusions, and rethink our assumptions about the characters and story.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler is trying to hide he is a coward. Lex digs deeper re: the massacre from 20 years ago. Something’s off.
Lex attempts unlocking a door.
LEX
This is the room where it happened…
TYLER
How could I forget?
Lex opens the door. Enters.
INT. FATHER’S STUDIO – NEXT
Hunting trophies collect dust on the walls. Lex finds a dissected snake in petrified attack mode. Tyler steps in, carefully.
LEX
I can’t say I agree with your father’s hobby. But I do hate snakes.
TYLER
Nobody is perfect.
LEX
Slippery snakes are hard to catch. But you can take them down if you cut their heads.
Lex’s onto something.
TYLER
We should get out of here.
LEX
I’m sorry, bad memories of your murders?
TYLER
Bad memories of my father. He was always pressuring us to kill, kill, kill.
LEX
Ironic.
TYLER
What are you getting at?
LEX
Your disapproving father loved killing things.
TYLER
He wouldn’t do that to me. He loved me. I think.
LEX
Do you know what happened to this place after the massacre?
Tyler shakes his head.
LEX
He sealed it from the public. Never sold it.
TYLER
You think my father was the killer?
LEX
Maybe you’re not the only ghost around here anymore.
Tyler takes this in.
-
Armand Dialogue Cover-ups
What I learned…
Dialogue usually serves two purposes with subtext — either to cover the subtext or to point to the subtext. Both are valuable.
METHODS OF COVER-UP:
– Silence: Person doesn’t answer when they should.
– Action incongruent with words.
– Change subject.
– Attack back.
– Complement them.
– Threaten them.
– Confirm something they already believe whether it’s true or not.
– Misdirection: Do or say something that sends their mind in a
different direction.
– Inappropriate reaction to an emotional event.
– Distraction.
– Make a joke of it.
– Continue the conversation as if nothing happened.
ASSIGNMENT:
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Charles reveals himself as the killer to Tyler, his half-brother.
TYLER
Charles?
METHODS OF COVER-UP:
– Silence: Person doesn’t answer when they should.
Charles marches towards Tyler, axe in hand.
Action incongruent with words.
Charles locks eyes with the ghost of his brother. He screams and runs away.
– Change subject.
CHARLES
I remember the day Father brought you home as a baby.
Attack back.
CHARLES
Only an idiot would turn into a ghost instead of moving on. You’ve always been a little slow, bro.
– Complement them.
CHARLES
You look good for a dead guy.
Threaten them
CHARLES
I’m going to exorcise the fuck out of you.
Confirm something they already believe whether it’s true or not.
CHARLES
I knew I could sense your presence. We’ve always shared a special brotherly bond.
TYLER
Half-brotherly.
Misdirection: Do or say something that sends their mind in a different direction.
CHARLES
Maddie didn’t make it this time, I’m afraid.
Inappropriate reaction to an emotional event.
CHARLES
(finds blood on his own clothes)
Ever thought about tasting other person’s blood? Sometimes it falls on your lips, and you just gotta lick it. Not bad.
Distraction.
CHARLES
Where is Maddie hiding?
Make a joke of it.
CHARLES
Ghost you once, shame on you. Ghost you twice, shame on me.
Continue the conversation as if nothing happened.
CHARLES
Bro, long time no see.
BEST:
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Charles reveals himself as the killer to Tyler, his half-brother.
TYLER
Charles?
Charles can only grin.
CHARLES
I knew I could sense your presence. We’ve always shared a special, brotherly bond.
TYLER
Half-brotherly.
-
Armand Symbol
What I learned…
SYMBOL: Something used for or regarded as representing something else.
Key Point: A symbol is separate from its meaning before that meaning is established. But once a meaning is firmly connected to the symbol, the symbol and the meaning are one.
USING SYMBOLS IN SCREENPLAYS
Let’s look at a three-step method for using symbols in your script, then we’ll see how it has been used in produced scripts.
1. INTRODUCE THE SYMBOL through its meaning early in the story.
2. SET ITS MEANING POWERFULLY enough so that its presence will cause an audience response.
3. USE THE SYMBOL TO CAUSE OR SHOW CHANGE in the characters or their situation. This is where a symbol can have an amazing impact. Since its meaning has been set powerfully before, it can easily be the catalyst for change.
ASSIGNMENT
Background: Tyler, the ghost, loves Maddie, the final girl who survived the massacre despite his cowardice. Tyler stole a test and got expelled from college, Maddie thinks Tyler has potential to start over but needs to tell his strict Father first. The test page is our symbol.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler and Maddie sit alone, by the fire.
MADDIE
Why did you steal the test?
He shows her a piece of paper.
TYLER
I wanted the answers.
MADDIE
Did you tell your dad yet?
TYLER
I can’t—
MADDIE
You need to face the consequences.
She grabs the piece of paper and writes an F GRADE on it with her red lipstick.
TYLER
I guess it’s what I deserve.
MADDIE
I know you can get an A.
The lights go off.
MADDIE
What happened?
TYLER
I’ll go check the power.
Maddie folds the test page and puts it in her pocket, as Tyler exits.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Maddie lies on the floor, Tyler is next to her. She’s bleeding out.
Charles, the killer, is dead impaled.
TYLER
I’m sorry.
Maddie shows him a piece of paper. It’s the F test.
She touches her wound with her finger. With blood on her fingertip, she turns the F into an A. She faints slowly.
Tyler sobs.
Maddie dies.
-
Armand Subtext Scene
What I learned…
THE BASIC QUESTIONS OF SUBTEXT
1. What is the meaning of the subtext?
2. What is the cover-up?
3. When will the meaning be revealed? Before, during, or after?
4. How will the meaning be revealed?
SIX SCENE DESIGNS FOR SUBTEXT
A. Misinterpretation
B. Dramatic Irony
C. Something is off
D. No one wants to tell the person
E. A plot against another person
F. Competitive agendas
ASSIGNMENT
In this scene in Act 1, Tyler the ghost learns what the living think about him and the night he was murdered. He’s with Lex, a goth teen who is obsessed with true crime.
2. 1. What is the meaning of the subtext?
He thinks people believe he is a coward but learns his murder is legendary and people think he died a hero, sacrificing himself, and he tries to preserve that version of the story rather than his real cowardly actions.
2. What is the cover-up?
Misinterpretation, Dramatic Irony
3. When will the meaning be revealed? Before, during, or after?
Later.
4. How will the meaning be revealed?
He plays along, until he gets scared.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Lex confronts Tyler through her EVP app.
LEX
Spirit, I command you to announce yourself!
TYLER
(unimpressed)
Chill, little girl. I’m Tyler.
LEX
Tyler Berkeley? I don’t believe it—
TYLER
Yes, it’s me—
LEX
You’re a hero.
TYLER
I am?
LEX
You sacrificed yourself to save the woman you love.
TYLER
You know about Maddie?
LEX
Of course!
She shows him a true crime documentary on her phone about the night of the massacre.
ANNOUNCER ON THE DOCUMENTARY (V.O.)
Although all his friends were killed by the unknown attacked, Tyler Berkeley and Madison Vaughn were the last survivors. But to save Madison, Berkeley had to sacrifice himself.
TYLER
Okay, turn it off.
LEX
You don’t have to be humble.
TYLER
What happened to Maddie?
LEX
You saved her. She survived.
TYLER
She’s alive?
LEX
She disappeared ten years ago. They said the killer got her.
Tyler gasps in disbelief.
-
Armand Subtext relationship
What I learned doing this assignment is…
1. Make sure every main character has subtext.
If you have a lead character without subtext, you cut your chances of selling that script by 50%. Why? Because the lead parts are what sell A-list actors on your movie. You need someone bankable in order to get the movie made. Actors love subtext.
2. Make sure the subtext identity includes subtext.
Compare A) “Mike is game show host who…”
B) “Mike is a conniving game show host who…”
3. Sometimes, people get a story logline for the character mixed up with the character subtext logline.
3. Sometimes, people get a story logline for the character mixed up with the character subtext logline.
Example: Mike is a conniving game show host who is caught in bed with the maid by his new bride and now must win her back.
That tells the character’s part in THE STORY, but only gives us a little subtext. It tells us the character’s goal, but most of the time, goals have little to do with subtext. Try this one:
Example: Mike is a conniving game show host who secretly has sex with every woman he can while demanding his fiance be a virgin.
Naturally, we all hate this guy, but notice how much subtext you already see in this logline. Once you have a subtext logline like that, you can easily write scenes, dialogue, and relationships that have subtext in them. Do you see that?
4. Make sure the “subtext action” includes subtext.
In the case of our example, the character is a “womanizing jerk” who is doing it “secretly” and is also holding his wife-to-be to a much higher standard — that he is violating daily.
Now, compare that to this:
Example: Mike is a conniving game show host who OPENLY has sex with every woman he can while TAUNTING his wife about it.
This character delivers plenty of conflict, but very little subtext. Many times, this is the way people write their SCL. Why? Because the writer knows the subtext of the character and is presenting that subtext ON THE SURFACE.
If you want your characters to have subtext, you need to get clear on what that subtext is and the actions the character takes to hide it.
Your subtext character loglines to be as clear and concise as possible. They need to show “pure subtext.” The more pure the subtext in the logline, the easier it will be to write it.
SUBTEXT IN RELATIONSHIPS
Real life relationships can hardly exist without subtext. They are filled with shortcuts, common goals, and actions that are unique to those relationships. They also have unspoken needs, competing agendas, ulterior motives, deep emotions, and unresolved conflicts.
1. Design relationships that naturally cause subtext.
Consider how these relationships either cause or force subtext.
Cop versus criminal
Parent versus child
Salesman versus customer
Boss versus employee
Wife versus husband
Con-man versus their mark
Hooker versus John
Two old flames
2. Design circumstances around the relationships that increase the subtext.
Many times, it is the circumstance the characters are put in that heightens their need to speak or act is a way that hides the real meaning. Just create events and situations that will cause the characters to deceive each other in some way.
FOCUS ON HOW THE SUBTEXT OF YOUR CHARACTERS WILL INTERACT!
ASSIGNMENT
Follow these steps to write a scene with subtext.
1. Select three or more characters that will be in a relationship.
TYLER/MADDIE: Old flames that broke up “suddenly and badly”
TYLER/CHARLES: Half-brothers
MADDIE/CHARLES: Object of Desire vs Object of Hatred
2. Write subtext loglines for each character, making sure their subtext interacts with the other characters.
Tyler is the entitled ghost of a college jerk who was murdered by a masked killer who has to confront his biggest fear when the killer never caught returns for another spree.
Maddie is the badass survivor of the original massacre and Tyler’s girlfriend when he was alive who is obsessed with the possible return of the killer never caught.
Charles is the covertly sadistic half-brother of Tyler who was also in love with Maddie when he killed Tyler.
3. Put them in a series of situations that will increase their need to hide their true feelings/intentions/actions, etc.
SCENE:
INT. LIBRARY – MANOR – NIGHT
Maddie tiptoes inside, axe in hand.
CHARLES (O.S.)
Maddie.
Maddie discovers Charles, Tyler’s half-brother; older but still nerdy and unassuming.
MADDIE
Charles? What are you doing here?
CHARLES
I still have things to pick up.
(showing her)
The buyer knows I still have the key.
Charles approaches her, Maddie is hesitant.
CHARLES
You look the same.
MADDIE
I doubt that.
Tyler walks through the wall, hides as he discovers his half-brother.
CHARLES
Are you alright?
MADDIE
You have no idea what’s going on.
Charles hugs her. She lets her guard down.
CHARLES
It’s alright.
Maddie realizes Charles has blood in his hands as he caresses her hair. She charges at him with her axe. Charles intercepts it the attack.
Tyler jumps into Charles’ body.
CHARLES
(Tyler)
Lex said the body is just a vessel for the soul. He’s empty.
MADDIE
That’s why you can’t control him.
Charles cowers, pushing Tyler backwards out of his body.
Charles make eye contact with Tyler, stunned—
CHARLES
(cracking up, losing his facade)
I knew something was up. How are you, big brother? Long time no kill.
Tyler steps back. Maddie charges at Charles, he kicks her away.
Tyler is face-to-face with his killer. What to do? He runs away through the wall.
Charles at Maddie, unconscious. He chases after Tyler.
-
Armand Subtext Characters
What I learned…
If your characters are already designed for subtext, it will be so much easier to write award-winning scripts.
“Subtext is the “text beneath the text” or the meaning beneath the words/actions of your characters.”
THREE METHODS OF GENERATING CHARACTER SUBTEXT
A. Ask The Character
An easy way to gain a deeper understanding of your characters internal states in a specific scene is to ask these questions:
1. What are they hiding or withholding?
2. What are they afraid to say?
3. What internal conflict are they unwilling to acknowledge?
4. What are their ulterior motives?
The answer to one or more of those questions will often shed light on the subtext your character will deliver during the scene. But that is only one scene. What if you want to have subtext throughout the script? The answer is simple:
B. Give Them Covert Character Traits
Give the main characters covert traits they will operate out throughout the script. With covert traits, subtext will be a natural part of their behavior.
C. Give Them A Covert Identity
People operate out of a variety of identities as they go through theirlives. Some of those identities automatically cause subtext. If you want a character to naturally generate subtext, give them a covert identity. In real life, people adopt covert identities for work or fun or to cope with an internal or external issue. Some identities that could generate subtext are:
– The spy
– The victim (withholding, covertly getting revenge)
– The criminal
– The con
– The seducer
– The competitor
– The lawyer/advocate
– The alcoholic/drug user
– The boss
Any one of the three methods above can make a character more interesting and generate meaningful subtext.
THE KEY is that both the subtext identity and the subtext activity are designed for subtext. The Subtext Character Logline must include subtext to have any impact on your writing.
CREATE A “SUBTEXT CHARACTER LOGLINE”
Once you’ve gone through the three steps at the top of the page, it is easy to create a “subtext character logline.” Simply fill in these blanks:
Name is a subtext identity who subtext activity.
On the SUBTEXT IDENTITY, notice how A just describes the job, but B gives us much more depth just by adding the word “jealous.” Make sure you include the subtext. Real estate attorney doesn’t give us subtext, but jealous attorney does. See that?
On the SUBTEXT ACTIVITY, notice how the first only tells his emotional condition, while the second clearly tells us what he is hiding. Again, include the subtext.
ASSIGNMENT
Fill in this format for each character:
Character Name: TYLER
Subtext Identity: Entitled Ghost
Character Traits: Arrogant, Funny, Romantic, Scared
Subtext Logline: Tyler is the entitled ghost of a college jerk who is still afraid of the masked serial killer who murdered him 20 years ago.
Possible areas of subtext: Runs away, refuses to help, hides, lies to himself and others.
Character Name: MADDIE
Subtext Identity: Badass Survivor
Character Traits: Brave, Confident, Paranoid
Subtext Logline: Maddie is the badass survivor of the original massacre who is obsessed with the return of the masked killer who was never caught.
Possible areas of subtext: Obsessed with defeating the killer, puts her own life at risk in her pursuit, hiding her anger.
-
Armand Great Subtext Scene
What I learned…
SUBTEXT IS THE DEEPER MEANING.
Subtext has surface action and/or dialogue and it has a deeper meaning.
Subtext has a place/time where the subtext is delivered and a place/time where the real meaning is revealed.
Meaning revealed before the text. This often happens when there is some type of scheme. We are told about the scheme first, then see it played out. With each polite statement made, we interpret it through the scheme, thus experiencing the subtext.
PARASITE
INT. SEMI-BASEMENT – EARLY EVENING
The ‘master bedroom’ next to the entrance. Wall adorned with pictures of a young Chung-Sook competing at a national track and field championship as a student athlete. A SHOT PUTTER.
Great upper body glimpsed through tight uniform. No pictures of Ki-Tek.
ONE OF THE KIDS IS MORE ACCOMPLISHED THAN THE OTHER, AND MORE ESTEEMED BY HIS PARENTS
Early evening. It’s darker. The four family members are gathered around a table filled with various store-bought foods.
IT’S THEIR LITTLE LUXURY THEY CAN AFFORD
KI-TEK
What a special occasion. The four of us gathered here to celebrate the partial reactivation of our phones as well as our son’s upcoming job interview with a national franchise.
THIS IS WHAT THEY CAN AFFORD, AND WHAT THEIR SMALL VICTORIES ARE
Ki-Tek tries to deliver a heartfelt speech like a TV patriarch but severely lacks the gravitas.
Chung-Sook and Ki-Jung are already drinking their beers.
KI-WOO
Cheers!
KI-TEK
To family!
re: window
That son of a bitch. It’s not even dark yet!
The family turns to see —
A DRUNK MAN teetering toward the semi-basement window.
Their faces slowly fill with dread.
CHUNG-SOOK
How many times did I tell you? We need to put up a “No Urinating” sign.
THEY LIVE IN A REALLY BAD PLACE
KI-TEK
It’ll make them want to do it even more. It’s psychology.
KI-JUNG
to Ki-Woo
Go yell at him or something!
KI-WOO
It’s not the right timing—
The Drunk Man hasn’t unzipped his pants, still hovering uncertainly in the dark corner.
KI-WOO (CONT’D)
hesitates
I need to catch him in the act.
CHUNG-SOOK
Isn’t it fucking obvious? Just kick him out!
KI-JUNG
to herself
I hate this place.
SHE THINKS SHE SHOULD BE LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY AT A HIGHER PLACE IN LIFE
Ki-Woo gets up, still unsure, when —
VOICE (O.S.)
HEY, MISTER!
A VOICE booms from afar. Behind the Drunk Man, we see a handsome, well-built young man climbing off a fancy scooter. This is MIN-HYUK, 24. He walks over with a LARGE BOX in his hands.
KI-JUNG
Is that Min-Hyuk?
CHUNG-SOOK
It is.
Ki-Woo is surprised to see Min-Hyuk, who continues to yell at the would-be public urinater.
THE YOUNG MAN GOT OUT OF THIS ENVIRONMENT, IS MORE SELF-ASSURED AND CONFIDENT THAN HIS FRIENDS
MIN-HYUK
What do you think you’re doing? You think this is a public toilet?
DRUNK MAN
I, uh—
MIN-HYUK
What are you looking at!
Cowed by Min-Hyuk’s presence, the Drunk Man quickly skedaddles away.
Ki-Tek taps Ki-Woo on the shoulder.
KI-TEK
Your friend has mucho cajones.
CHUNG-SOOK
It’s that college student glow. Look at that confidence.
KI-JUNG
Which Ki-Woo obviously doesn’t have.
LITERAL LINE MEANING DELIVERED
A smitten Ki-Jung admires Min-Hyuk as he walks over to the apartment. He enters.
MIN-HYUK
How are you, Mr. and Mrs. Kim!
KI-TEK
Min-Hyuk! Good to see you, son!
KI-WOO
What’s with the surprise appearance?
MIN-HYUK
I texted you.
to Ki-Jung
Hey, Ki-Jung.
Ki-Jung smiles shyly as she nods.
Ki-Woo searches through his text messages.
KI-WOO
We could have met somewhere else. You didn’t have to come all this way.
EMBARRASED OF HIS SITUATION/HOME
MIN-HYUK
I brought this.
Min-Hyuk shows Ki-Woo the box.
MIN-HYUK (CONT’D)
It’s heavy so I had to bring it on my bike.
KI-JUNG
What’s this?
Ki-Jung lifts the flap to see a UNIQUELY SHAPED STONE and a wooden display stand inside.
MIN-HYUK
to Ki-Tek
When I told my grandfather I was going to see Ki-Woo, he gave me this.
KI-TEK
Whoa.
Ki-Tek picks up the large stone.
KI-TEK (CONT’D)
This is a precious viewing stone. Is this an abstract specimen?
MIN-HYUK
You know your stones, Mr. Kim. Pop-Pop’s been collecting viewing stones since his academy days. Our house is literally filled with these things — living room, study, basement… This one is supposed to bring luck. And money.
“THEY NEED IT”
KI-WOO
How perfect for us. Symbolic.
KI-TEK
Yes, how serendipitous. Please send him our sincere regards.
CHUNG-SOOK
to herself
He should’ve brought food.
WHICH IS WHAT THEY REALLY NEED, BAD ECONOMIC SITUATION
Ki-Jung stabs Chung-Sook with her finger. Fortunately Min-Hyuk didn’t hear.
As a beaming Ki-Tek continues to show off useless stone trivia —
-
Armand Page Turner!
What I learned…
This was a valuable module for me as descriptions tend to be my weak spot. The tools we were taught for dialogue and visuals were helpful and I plan on keep on using them going forward.
ASSIGNMENT
For my scene:
Name: TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature, Romantic
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
Character Logline: Tyler is the ghost of an entitled college jerk who was murdered 20 years ago by a masked serial killer, and now has to overcome his hidden guilt and fears to save a new group of college kids from suffering the same grisly faith as him.
LEX, THE GOTH HIGH SCHOOL GIRL
Traits: Prickly, Sarcastic, Intelligent, Resourceful
Subtext: Insecure, Lonely
Character Logline: Lex is a brilliant high-school goth obsessed with true crime and grisly murder mysteries who (secretly) came to the manor with her college-aged sister (and her party friends) to attempt communicating with Tyler’s ghost.
Not in the scene:
Name: MADDIE, THE FINAL GIRL 20 YEARS LATER
Traits: Brave, Tough, Stubborn
Subtext: Paranoid
Character Logline: Maddie is the sole survivor of the original massacre who is obsessed with the return of the masked killer who was never caught and sets out to stop the killer at any cost now that the killer’s back.
Name: CHARLES, THE MASKED KILLER WHO WAS NEVER CAUGHT
Traits: Nerdy, Rational, Sadistic
Subtext: Concealing, Nice Exterior
Character Logline: Charles is Tyler’s nice and nerdy half-brother (only seen briefly in the opening scene) who wants to fulfill his secret urge to murder people and getting away with it, but now has to face off with the ghost of his brother and the final girl (Tyler’s girlfriend) he’s always loved.
SCENE:
INT. LEX’S BEDROOM – MANOR – NIGHT
Lex sits at the edge of her bed, in awe at her own success. Her EVP phone app translates Tyler’s ghostly moans, but she can’t perceive him as he vents into the phone.
His voice breaks.
TYLER
You and your friends— You need to leave right now.
LEX
They’re not my friends. And they’ve been partying for hours. Good luck getting them off the couch.
Tyler courages up.
TYLER
All I need is five minutes inside you.
Lex scowls— what a creep.
LEX
I would slap you… if I could.
Tyler groans. He throws his hands up in the air. It’s pointless.
TYLER
You know what, whatever. Everyone is already dead… Just like the last time.
He plops right next to Lex— defeated. Lex’s unaware of his proximity as they go mute for an uncomfortable beat.
LEX
If we lure them outside, we could get them in the car.
Tyler arises elegantly, like from a crypt in an old B-movie. He’s hopeful.
TYLER
We need to do it fast. The killer could strike any second.
Lex jumps back on her feet.
LEX
If he shows up, I’ll kill him.
TYLER
“If he shows up, I’ll kill him.”
Tyler barks at the childish notion.
TYLER
Are you stupid? The killer will not stop until you, your sister and everyone else in this house are all mutilated, decapitated, chopped to tiny pieces, grounded like beef…
Lex sighs as Tyler steamrolls over her.
TYLER
… Stabbed, Impaled in increasingly clever and gruesome ways, chopped into tiny pieces—
Lex snaps.
LEX
Alright, shut up! I get.
Off Tyler’s approving nod.
LEX
Running away it is.
-
Armand Writing is Bold!
What I learned…
THE KEY TO WRITING WITH ATTITUDE
The key is to assign an emotion or attitude to your description.
ASSIGNMENT
INT. HALLWAY – MANOR – NIGHT
Dallas and Lex peek out of the basement door — the coast is clear.
Lex leads Dallas. She inspects the old family portraits on the walls, the dead eyes on the paintings never looked more menacing.
LEX
(re: the watch)
I know I’ve seen it somewhere.
DALLAS
Hurry.
Dallas glances around, frightened.
Lex’s eyes widen — Eureka!
LEX
Look.
Dallas approaches Lex with curiosity. They stare at a painting of Tyler and Charles.
Steps crescendo in their direction.
DALLAS
Someone’s coming. Come!
Dallas grabs Lex’s hand protectively, surprising Lex. They head out. ‘
___
EMOTION: ANGER AGAINST KILLER
INT. HALLWAY – MANOR – NIGHT
Dallas and Lex peep outside — the coast is clear. Lex emerges. Dallas follows her.
Lex marches ahead of Dallas, her thick boots stomping on the creaking hardwood floor. Dallas is on edge.
DALLAS
Slow down. He’s gonna hear us.
Lex ignores Dallas. She inspects the old family portraits on the wall. She couldn’t care less if the killer finds them.
LEX
(re: watch)
I’ve seen it somewhere.
Dallas shushes her. Lex snaps.
LEX
Your friends are dead. Don’t you want to know who did it?
DALLAS
Of course I do!
Steps crescendo in their direction.
LEX
We’re right here—
Dallas blocks Lex’s mouth. She grabs her by the hand, protectively. They head out.
-
Armand Extreme emotion!
What I learned…
FOUR LEVELS OF DESCRIPTION:
1. Describe what we see on the screen – setting, characters, action, events.
2. Deliver tone, attitude, emotion.
3. Imply more than what’s said.
4. Give us insights into the characters, their relationships, and the story.
The three keys to emotional description above to deliver the emotional experience to us.
Key One: Economy.
Key Two: Deliver the essence.
Key Three: Visual, then internal/emotion.
Economy. Notice 6 lines out of 23. There are other places in ERIN BROCKOVICH the ratio is 2 lines out of 23. The economy gives you permission to express internal states when you need to.
The SECOND KEY is deliver the essence of the emotion/internal state. Even in the sentence “Glances skitter between the secretaries — get a load of this,” the writer is delivering the essence of what those secretaries think. Just as important, those thoughts can easily be shown on their faces.
The THIRD KEY is to deliver the internal state in an acceptable format. That is: Visual description connected to internal state. “Visual, then internal state.”
Name: TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature, Romantic
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
Character Logline: Tyler is the ghost of an entitled college jerk who was murdered 20 years ago by a masked serial killer, and now has to overcome his hidden guilt and fears to save a new group of college kids from suffering the same grisly faith as him.
Name: MADDIE, THE FINAL GIRL 20 YEARS LATER
Traits: Brave, Tough, Stubborn
Subtext: Paranoid
Character Logline: Maddie is the sole survivor of the original massacre who is obsessed with the return of the masked killer who was never caught and sets out to stop the killer at any cost now that the killer’s back.
Name: CHARLES, THE MASKED KILLER WHO WAS NEVER CAUGHT
Traits: Nerdy, Rational, Sadistic
Subtext: Concealing, Nice Exterior
Character Logline: Charles is Tyler’s nice and nerdy half-brother (only seen briefly in the opening scene) who wants to fulfill his secret urge to murder people and getting away with it, but now has to face off with the ghost of his brother and the final girl (Tyler’s girlfriend) he’s always loved.
LEX, THE GOTH HIGH SCHOOL GIRL
Traits: Prickly, Sarcastic, Intelligent, Resourceful
Subtext: Lonely
Character Logline: Lex is a brilliant high-school goth obsessed with true crime and grisly murder mysteries who (secretly) came to the manor with her college-aged sister (and her party friends) to attempt communicating with Tyler’s ghost.
DALLAS, LEX’S COLLEGE-AGE HALF-SISTER
Trait: Vapid, Romantic
Subtext: Insecure
Character Logline: Dallas is a superficial but deep down kind college girl peer-pressured into hosting a weekend party at the manor (just purchased by her rich dad), and just wants to fit in.
INT. HALLWAY – MANOR – NIGHT
Dallas and Lex peek out of the basement door — the coast is clear.
Lex leads Dallas. She inspects the old family portraits on the walls, the dead eyes on the paintings never looked more menacing.
LEX
(re: the watch)
I know I’ve seen it somewhere.
DALLAS
Hurry.
Dallas glances around, frightened.
Lex’s eyes widen — Eureka!
LEX
Look.
Dallas approaches Lex with curiosity. They stare at a painting of Tyler and Charles.
Steps crescendo in their direction.
DALLAS
Someone’s coming. Come!
Dallas grabs Lex’s hand protectively, surprising Lex. They head out.
-
Armand Visuals
What I learned…
There are four levels of description:
1. Describe what we see on the screen: setting, characters, action, events.
2. Deliver tone, attitude, emotion.
3. Imply more than what’s said.
4. Give us insights into the characters, their relationships, and the story.
BASICS OF SCREENPLAY DESCRIPTION
A. Write in the present tense. The movie is unfolding right in front of them.
B. Be economical. Describe only what is necessary to tell the story.
C. Limit your description to one to four lines.
D. Convey the essence of what’s happening on the screen. Not the details. In conveying the essence, look for what matters to the script. Then describe that in as few words possible.
E. Make every word count. Always asking “Is there a better way to express this?”
—-
Part One
THE SOCIAL NETWORK (13 pages)
Masks a very complicated and dangerous anger, takes a drag and blows the smoke out, and with that stinger, a fuse has just been lit, busts out of the bar, continues on, passes, stride continues, busts into, heads up the stairs, fingers dance easily on the keyboard – like a Juilliard pianist warming up, hitting a bong, trots down, holding back, flying at super-speed on Mark’s computer screen have been commands and images that the rest of us can’t possibly understand, cascade into one another.
Part Two
Maddie enters and locks the door behind the door. She’s freaking out. Tyler comes in through the wall.
TO: Maddie storms into the library, locking the door behind her. She freaks out like she’s seen a ghost. And she just has. Tyler glides in through the wall.
Maddie screams as she sees Tyler.
TO: Maddie gapes at the sight of Tyler’s ghost. She screams.
She grabs a book and throws it at Tyler as he approaches her. The book hits Tyler!
TO: She launches a book attack against Tyler as he advances towards her. The book smacks Tyler’s face!
Tyler walks to the wall, slamming his face against it and dropping backwards.
Tyler rams into the wall, dropping backwards.
Maddie SLAPS HIM hard. She realizes the Tyler from that night 20 years ago is really in front of her.
Maddie smacks him on the face, accepting the Tyler she remembers is right in front of her eyes.
-
Armand Hope/Fear in action
What I learned…
STRATEGY TO BUILD HOPE/FEAR:
1. Pick a scene where the hero is going for a goal and a potential threat is present. List the situation, goal and main threat.
2. Write out the structure of a scene where the hero is going for a goal and it’s threatened.
3. Go back through and look for places where they can get hope they’ll succeed and where that hope can be threatened. Add those to your structure.
Name: TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature, Romantic
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
Character Logline: Tyler is the ghost of an entitled college jerk who was murdered 20 years ago by a masked serial killer, and now has to overcome his hidden guilt and fears to save a new group of college kids from suffering the same grisly faith as him.
Name: MADDIE, THE FINAL GIRL 20 YEARS LATER
Traits: Brave, Tough, Stubborn
Subtext: Paranoid
Character Logline: Maddie is the sole survivor of the original massacre who is obsessed with the return of the masked killer who was never caught and sets out to stop the killer at any cost now that the killer’s back.
Name: CHARLES, THE MASKED KILLER WHO WAS NEVER CAUGHT
Traits: Nerdy, Rational, Sadistic
Subtext: Concealing, Nice Exterior
Character Logline: Charles is Tyler’s nice and nerdy half-brother (only seen briefly in the opening scene) who wants to fulfill his secret urge to murder people and getting away with it, but now has to face off with the ghost of his brother and the final girl (Tyler’s girlfriend) he’s always loved.
LEX, THE GOTH HIGH SCHOOL GIRL
Traits: Prickly, Sarcastic, Intelligent, Resourceful
Subtext: Lonely
Character Logline: Lex is a brilliant high-school goth obsessed with true crime and grisly murder mysteries who (secretly) came to the manor with her college-aged sister (and her party friends) to attempt communicating with Tyler’s ghost.
DALLAS, LEX’S COLLEGE-AGE HALF-SISTER
Trait: Vapid, Romantic
Subtext: Insecure
Character Logline: Dallas is a superficial but deep down kind college girl peer-pressured into hosting a weekend party at the manor (just purchased by her rich dad), and just wants to fit in.
————-
Situation: Tyler realizes the killer is back in the manor
Goal: Scare the college kids out of the manor
Threat: College kids are glued to social media, drinking, self-absorbed college kids
A. Tyler sets out to scare the college kids so they leave the manor
B. The college kids are too self-involved and don’t realize they are being scared
C. Tyler discovers Lex is into paranormal tv and tries to convince her, she celebrates making contact with a ghost.
(HOPE) A. Tyler realizes he’s a ghost and he could scare the college kids away in order to save them.
(FEAR) B. He realizes he’s never haunted anyone before.
(HOPE) C. He knows movies, just do what ghost do in movies.
(FEAR) D. He tries to scare Dallas, she’s too busy taking selfies
(HOPE) E. Tyler complaints, Lex says: “who said that?” She can hear him through her EVP app.
INT. LIVING ROOM – MANOR – NIGHT
The college kids sit by the fire, drinking and smoking pot. Tyler observes them, they can’t see him.
Tyler stands in front of of SORORITY GIRL, who’s glued to her phone.
TYLER
All I have to do is scare them. How?
Tyler glances around.
TYLER
(to himself)
Think, you’ve watched hundred of ghost movies.
THE COLLEGE KIDS POV: A book falls from a shelf.
The SORORITY GIRL is unfazed.
SORORITY GIRL
Did you hear something?
DALLAS
I should check on my sister.
Dallas exits into
INT. HALLWAY – MANOR – CONT.
Tyler follows Dallas.
DALLAS
Lex?
TYLER
Where are you little goth girl?
LEX (O.S.)
Who said that?
Tyler turns around, discovering Lex holding her phone like a compass.
TYLER
You can hear me.
Lex jumps scared.
LEX
Who said that?
TYLER
How can you hear me?
LEX
It worked. (excited) It works!
TYLER
What?
Lex points at her app.
LEX
I built this app. It’s designed for EVP data collection.
TYLER
Huh?
LEX
Ghost hunting. I can hear your voice!
DALLAS
Shouldn’t you be in bed?
LEX
Listen to this. Say something, ghost.
TYLER
Something, ghost.
DALLAS
Very funny. Stop playing and go to bed.
LEX
She didn’t believe me. She never takes me seriously.
Lex walks away, Tyler follows her.
-
Armand Uncertainty scene
What I learned…
“We want the audience hoping for one thing and being afraid that another will happen.”
THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION
After Andy escapes, leaving Red (Morgan Freeman) without his friend.
270 INT — PRISON CELL — NIGHT (1966) 270
Red is sleeping. He wakes with a start.
RED (V.O.)
But there are times I curse him for the dreams he left behind…
(FEAR)
He senses a presence, looks over his shoulder. There’s a Rita Hayworth poster on his wall. He gets out of bed. Rita just keeps smiling, inscrutable. As Red watches, a brilliant round glow builds behind the poster, shining from the tunnel. The poster rips free, charred to ash in the blink of an eye as a shaft of holy white light stabs into the cell. Sunlight. Red staggers back against the glare.
(HOPE)
A whirlwind kicks up, whipping everything into the air. The hole in the wall is like a giant vacuum cleaner — papers, book, toiletries, bedding — if it ain’t nailed down, it gets sucked down the hole toward the light. Red fights it, but the suction drags him closer and closer…
(FEAR)
271 RED’S POV 271
..and CAMERA rockets into the hole, getting sucked down an endless tunnel at impossible speed, the ROAR of air mixing with his drawn-out SCREAM, closer and closer to the light…
(FEAR)
…and erupting out the other side into total silence and a beautiful white beach. The Pacific Ocean before us. Enormous. Mind-blowing. Beautiful beyond description. All we hear now are the gentle sound of waves.
(HOPE)
RED (V.O.)
…dreams where I am lost in a warm place with no memory.
(FEAR)
A lone figure stands at water’s edge. CAMERA KEEPS MOVING, coming up behind him and TRACKING AROUND to reveal — Red.
RED (V.O.)
An ocean so big it strikes me dumb. Waves so quiet they strike me deaf. Sunshine so bright it strikes me blind. It is a place that is blue beyond reason. Bluer than can possibly exist. Bluer than my mind can possibly grasp.
(HOPE)
272 AERIAL SHOT
Nothing for a million miles but beach, sky, and water. Red is a tiny speck at water’s edge. Just another grain of sand.
RED (V.O.)
I am terrified. There is no way home.
(FEAR)
273 INT — RED’S CELL — NIGHT (1966) 273
Red wakes from the nightmare. He gets out of bed. Moves to the barred window of his cell. Peers up at the stars.
RED (V.O.)
Andy. I know you’re in that place. Look at the stars for me just after sunset. Touch the sand…wade in the water…and feel free.
(HOPE)
FADE TO BLACK
274 AN IRON-BARRED DOOR 274
slides open with an enormous CLANG. A stark room beyond. CAMERA PUSHES through. SIX MEN AND ONE WOMAN sit at a long table. An empty chair faces them. We are again in:
(FEAR)
INT — SHAWSHANK HEARINGS ROOM — DAY (1967)
Red enters, sits. 20 years older than when we first saw him.
(FEAR)
MAN #1
Your file says you’ve served forty years of a life sentence. You feel you’ve been rehabilitated?
Red doesn’t answer. Just stares off. Seconds tick by. The parole board exchanges glances. Somebody clears his throat.
(FEAR)
MAN #1
Shall I repeat the question?
(HOPE)
RED
I heard you. Rehabilitated. Let’s see now. You know, come to think of it, I have no idea what that means.
MAN #2
Well, it means you’re ready to rejoin society as a–
RED
I know what you think it means. Me, I think it’s a made-up word, a politician’s word. A word so young fellas like you can wear a suit and tie and have a job. What do you really want to know? Am I sorry for what I did?
(FEAR)
MAN #2
Well…are you?
(HOPE)
RED
Not a day goes by I don’t feel regret, and not because I’m in here or because you think I should. I look back on myself the way I was…stupid kid who did that terrible crime…wish I could talk sense to him. Tell him how things are. But I can’t. That kid’s long gone, this old man is all that’s left, and I have to live with that.
(beat)
Rehabilitated? That’s a bullshit word, so you just go on ahead and stamp that form there, sonny, and stop wasting my damn time. Truth is, I don’t give a shit.
(FEAR)
The parole board just stares. Red sits drumming his fingers.
(FEAR)
CLOSEUP — PAROLE FORM
A big rubber stamp SLAMS down — and lifts away to reveal the word “APPROVED” in red ink.
(HOPE)
-
Armand Hooks
What I learned…
What hooks do? They create story questions that must be answered. They demand that we search the story for more information. They suck us into the movie.
“There are three basic building blocks to build a story with and they are not all created equally.
New info. The weakest dramatically which is why it is often used early.
A deeper understanding of known info.
A reversal of known info. The strongest dramatically.
Conflict is the most dramatic way of using the above building blocks and by using a few of them in every scene you keep advancing the story in the strongest most dramatic way. This is how you create a hook but a hook alone is not enough to get the audience to bite, so you need to bait it. The best bait is stakes, something at stake for your character or the people they care about. So every hook needs to raise the stakes or it won’t work on the audience.”
Name: TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature, Romantic
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
Character Logline: Tyler is the ghost of an entitled college jerk who was murdered 20 years ago by a masked serial killer, and now has to overcome his hidden guilt and fears to save a new group of college kids from suffering the same grisly faith as him.
Name: MADDIE, THE FINAL GIRL 20 YEARS LATER
Traits: Brave, Tough, Stubborn
Subtext: Paranoid
Character Logline: Maddie is the sole survivor of the original massacre who is obsessed with the return of the masked killer who was never caught and sets out to stop the killer at any cost now that the killer’s back.
Name: CHARLES, THE MASKED KILLER WHO WAS NEVER CAUGHT
Traits: Nerdy, Rational, Sadistic
Subtext: Concealing, Nice Exterior
Character Logline: Charles is Tyler’s nice and nerdy half-brother (only seen briefly in the opening scene) who wants to fulfill his secret urge to murder people and getting away with it, but now has to face off with the ghost of his brother and the final girl (Tyler’s girlfriend) he’s always loved.
LEX, THE GOTH HIGH SCHOOL GIRL
Traits: Prickly, Sarcastic, Intelligent, Resourceful
Subtext: Lonely
Character Logline: Lex is a brilliant high-school goth obsessed with true crime and grisly murder mysteries who (secretly) came to the manor with her college-aged sister (and her party friends) to attempt communicating with Tyler’s ghost.
DALLAS, LEX’S COLLEGE-AGE HALF-SISTER
Trait: Vapid, Romantic
Subtext: Insecure
Character Logline: Dallas is a superficial but deep down kind college girl peer-pressured into hosting a weekend party at the manor (just purchased by her rich dad), and just wants to fit in.
After the seance that made Tyler visible to all:
INT. LIBRARY – MANOR – NIGHT
Maddie enters and locks the door behind her, She’s freaking out. Tyler comes in through the wall.
Maddie screams as she sees Tyler.
MADDIE
You’re dead!
TYLER
Yep.
MADDIE
You’re dead. A ghost! And I’m talking to you!
TYLER
I’ve thought about you every single day.
MADDIE
Stay away from me!
TYLER
We have to stop the killer.
MADDIE
Like you did last time.
TYLER
I— I made a mistake. Maddie—
She grabs a book and throws it at Tyler as he approaches her. The book hits Tyler!
TYLER
Ouch. I ouched! Do it again.
Maddie is confused.
TYLER
Do it!
Maddie throws book after book at Tyler. They hit him all over.
TYLER
I can feel it. I can touch things. How?
Tyler walks to the wall, slamming his face against it and dropping backwards.
MADDIE
Are you okay?
He laughs. Stands up, leaving Maddie baffled.
TYLER
I can feel. I got hurt.
(his smile disappears)
I can get hurt. The killer is gonna get me! Again!
Maddie SLAPS HIM hard. She realizes the Tyler from that night 20 years ago is really in front of her.
MADDIE
I can’t believe this.
-
Armand Suspense
What I learned…
“The most important thing in a script is suspense. Even in a comedy, I love it when I can’t wait to see what they did with it on the next page.”
DEFINITION of Suspense: A state of mental uncertainty or excitement, as in awaiting a decision or outcome, usually accompanied by a degree of apprehension or anxiety. Undecided or doubtful condition.
Suspense: Promise an event that matters, then delay the fulfillment.
Here’s the basic model
1. Promise an event…
A. A challenge or contest
B. A threat
C. A prediction
D. A deadline
E. A impending crisis
F. An opportunity is presented
G. A goal is at stake
2. …that matters…
It has to do with:
A. A lifelong goal
B. Someone they love
C. A dream they have
D. Their deepest fears
E. Something valuable at stake
F. Resolving a major problem
G. Saving someone
3. …and delay the delivery.
A. Requirements must be fulfilled first.
B. Opposition to the goal.
C. Training is required.
D. Key resources are withheld.
E. A period of time must pass first.
F. Distraction from the goal.
G. Inaction because of fear.
H. Barriers and complications arise.
Name: TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature, Romantic
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
Character Logline: Tyler is the ghost of an entitled college jerk who was murdered 20 years ago by a masked serial killer, and now has to overcome his hidden guilt and fears to save a new group of college kids from suffering the same grisly faith as him.
Name: MADDIE, THE FINAL GIRL 20 YEARS LATER
Traits: Brave, Tough, Stubborn
Subtext: Paranoid
Character Logline: Maddie is the sole survivor of the original massacre who is obsessed with the return of the masked killer who was never caught and sets out to stop the killer at any cost now that the killer’s back.
Name: CHARLES, THE MASKED KILLER WHO WAS NEVER CAUGHT
Traits: Nerdy, Rational, Sadistic
Subtext: Concealing, Nice Exterior
Character Logline: Charles is Tyler’s nice and nerdy half-brother (only seen briefly in the opening scene) who wants to fulfill his secret urge to murder people and getting away with it, but now has to face off with the ghost of his brother and the final girl (Tyler’s girlfriend) he’s always loved.
LEX, THE GOTH HIGH SCHOOL GIRL
Traits: Prickly, Sarcastic, Intelligent, Resourceful
Subtext: Lonely
Character Logline: Lex is a brilliant high-school goth obsessed with true crime and grisly murder mysteries who (secretly) came to the manor with her college-aged sister (and her party friends) to attempt communicating with Tyler’s ghost.
DALLAS, LEX’S COLLEGE-AGE HALF-SISTER
Trait: Vapid, Romantic
Subtext: Insecure
Character Logline: Dallas is a superficial but deep down kind college girl peer-pressured into hosting a weekend party at the manor (just purchased by her rich dad), and just wants to fit in.
The Promise: Lex and Dallas have a moment to bond while hiding from the killer
What matters: They’re family, their lives are at stake
The delay: fear to open up, jealously, the killer is out there
INT. BASEMENT – MANOR – NIGHT
Lex and Dallas storm in. They lock the door, and remain still the as the killer arrives. The killer stands against the other side of the door.
Dallas holds on to Lex. The killer walks away. They sigh in relief.
LEX
I need my arm back.
DALLAS
(letting go)
It’s all my fault.
LEX
I always wanted to hear that. Just not under these circumstances.
DALLAS
They’re all dead.
LEX
But we’re here!
DALLAS
There’s no we. There’s you and your ghost. Go figure, you finally have a friend and he doesn’t exist.
LEX
Maybe. But at least he’s a real friend.
DALLAS
I can’t believe we’re related.
LEX
Shut up!
DALLAS
You shut up!
She points further downstairs.
LEX
I hear something.
Lex descends, Dallas shakes her head No.
Lex walks around in the darkness. She hits a table.
LEX
There’s something here.
The lights go on. Lex turns, Dallas is downstairs and found a switch.
LEX
It’s a watch.
The watch ticks slowly in Lex’s hands. She’s curious.
-
Armand Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned…
“Anticipatory dialogue uses statements or questions that create expectation in the reader’s mind. It causes the reader to wonder/worry about some future event in the script.”
1. Direct prediction.
2. Indirect prediction.
3. Countdown.
4. Imply consequences.
5. Imply hopelessness.
6. Shield from consequences in advance.
7. Warnings.
8. Create reputation for the villain.
9. Confront someone hiding from a future consequence.
10. A challenge issued.
11. Silence at a strange time.
Name: TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature, Romantic
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
Character Logline: Tyler is the ghost of an entitled college jerk who was murdered 20 years ago by a masked serial killer, and now has to overcome his hidden guilt and fears to save a new group of college kids from suffering the same grisly faith as him.
Name: MADDIE, THE FINAL GIRL 20 YEARS LATER
Traits: Brave, Tough, Stubborn
Subtext: Paranoid
Character Logline: Maddie is the sole survivor of the original massacre who is obsessed with the return of the masked killer who was never caught and sets out to stop the killer at any cost now that the killer’s back.
Name: CHARLES, THE MASKED KILLER WHO WAS NEVER CAUGHT
Traits: Nerdy, Rational, Sadistic
Subtext: Concealing, Nice Exterior
Character Logline: Charles is Tyler’s nice and nerdy half-brother (only seen briefly in the opening scene) who wants to fulfill his secret urge to murder people and getting away with it, but now has to face off with the ghost of his brother and the final girl (Tyler’s girlfriend) he’s always loved.
LEX, THE GOTH HIGH SCHOOL GIRL
Traits: Prickly, Sarcastic, Intelligent, Resourceful
Subtext: Insecure, Lonely
Character Logline: Lex is a brilliant high-school goth obsessed with true crime and grisly murder mysteries who (secretly) came to the manor with her college-aged sister (and her party friends) to attempt communicating with Tyler’s ghost.
SCENE:
INT. LEX’S BEDROOM – MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler speaks to Lex using her EVP (electronic voice phenomena) app.
TYLER
Listen to me. If you and your friends don’t leave right now. You’re all going to die.
LEX
They’re my sister’s friends. And we’ll never get them out of here, they’ve been drinking for hours.
TYLER
All I need is 5 minutes inside of you.
LEX
I would slap you if I could.
TYLER
You know what, forget it. The killer is already inside hiding somewhere, everyone is already dead… Just like the last time.
LEX
If we lure them outside, we can get them in the car.
TYLER
We need to do it fast, I know the killer will show up right away.
LEX
If he shows up, I’ll kill him.
TYLER
“If he shows up, I’ll kill him.” Are you stupid? The killer will not stop until you, your sister and everyone else is mutilated, decapitated, impaled in clever yet gruesome ways, chopped into tiny pieces—
LEX
Alright, I get! Running away it is.
-
Armand Anticipation Scene
What I learned…
Our script needs to be a page-turner. Right away. Tools:
– Anticipatory dialogue
– Suspense
– Hooks
– Uncertainty
– Vivid Visual Description
– Emotional description
– Writing with attitude
WORLD WAR Z
The zombies are destroying cities. A battle against the zombie horde at the Israel/Palestine border is about to occur. We’re about to see the zombies do something the genre has not done before.
74. EXT. THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL – NEXT MOMENT
Establishing shot for scope, scale, geography. Omniscient for a moment, high above the fray, on the other side of the 100- foot high Wall that stretches to either horizon, over what used to be the West Bank. And arrayed against this Wall, all along it’s visible length, are Zs. Behind them, waves of tens of thousands more moving across the desert to join them. And from this height, lit by brilliant sunshine, all noise distant and momentarily insignificant, the scene reminds us of some beautiful migration of massive numbers of beasts across the Serengeti…again, Mother Nature present here…
(LOTS OF VIVID VISUAL DESCRIPTION WITH EMOTION)
And then we notice, in one distinct place on the Wall, a black mass of Zs begin converging suddenly – like some primal signal electrified all the Zs in this locality.
(ANTICIPATION AND UNCERTAINTY)
Within seconds, that signal seems to have travelled further back into the migration, as suddenly the black mass of Zs is 5 times more numerous – unconsciously forming into a vague arrowhead – tip focused on that small point on the Wall…
(VIVID DESCRIPTION)
And as more Zs converge on this point, we begin pushing-in as well…zooming and dropping until we’re at ground level, right at the tip of the arrowhead – and we can suddenly and clearly hear the men on the bullhorns again, just on the other side of the wall, at almost this exact point…
(SUSPENSE)
This tip of this arrowhead is actually several Dozen Zs long – and they’re all being obliterated from the tectonic pressure of all those heedless thousands behind.
And then we see this very first line of Zs, almost in unison, literally snap under the pressure now, their bodies breaking in dozens of places. The second line, seemingly without even understanding it, are elevated up onto the shattered husks of the first rank…and suddenly these Zs are two feet closer to the top of the wall…until they themselves are crushed, and then the third line moves on top of the first two. And in this way, Zombie Pyramids are made.
(THE ZOMBIE PYRAMID WAS THE HOOK OF THE FILM’S MARKETING AND THE SCRIPT PROVIDES A VIVID DESCRIPTION AND EMOTIONS).
We begin to pull back out and up now as we watch this pyramid naturally form through nothing but pressure and instinctual urge.
(CREATES MORE SUSPENSE AND UNCERTAINTY)
-
Hi classmates: I’m happy to swap feedback here on the forums if you post your scene and my feedback tonight so I could review your scene in the AM. I’ll be happy to post my review of your work under your review of mine. Unfortunately, I’ll be traveling so I can’t reply after tomorrow. I appreciate anyone’s notes. Have a happy Thanksgiving.
Day 10 Assignment
What I learned… this was a great module. I had a lot of fun working on these assignments.
SCENE INFO:
Name: TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature, Romantic
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
Character Logline: Tyler is the ghost of an entitled college jerk who was murdered 20 years ago by a masked serial killer, and now has to overcome his hidden guilt and fears to save a new group of college kids from suffering the same grisly faith as him.
Name: MADDIE, THE FINAL GIRL 20 YEARS LATER
Traits: Brave, Tough, Stubborn
Subtext: Paranoid
Character Logline: Maddie is the sole survivor of the original massacre who is obsessed with the return of the masked killer who was never caught and sets out to stop the killer at any cost now that the killer’s back.
Name: CHARLES, THE MASKED KILLER WHO WAS NEVER CAUGHT
Traits: Nerdy, Rational, Sadistic
Subtext: Concealing, Nice Exterior
Character Logline: Charles is Tyler’s nice and nerdy half-brother (only seen briefly in the opening scene) who wants to fulfill his secret urge to murder people and getting away with it, but now has to face off with the ghost of his brother and the final girl (Tyler’s girlfriend) he’s always loved.
LEX, THE GOTH HIGH SCHOOL GIRL
Traits: Prickly, Sarcastic, Intelligent, Resourceful
Subtext: Insecure, Lonely
Character Logline: Lex is a brilliant high-school goth obsessed with true crime and grisly murder mysteries who (secretly) came to the manor with her college-aged sister (and her party friends) to attempt communicating with Tyler’s ghost.
INT. FATHER’S TROPHY ROOM – MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler’s Father hunting trophies collect dust on the walls. Lex storms in, followed closely by the masked killer, armed with his axe. A large desk stands between Lex and the killer. Lex throws anything within reach at the killer’s face. She manages to cut the killer’s forearm through his clothes. But the killer barely reacts.
Tyler rushes in through the wall as the killer charges at Lex with his axe. They can’t see him. And only Lex can hear his voice.
TYLER
Lex!
Lex dodges the attack, the killer’s axe gets stuck on the desk.
Tyler glances around him nervously, his eyes glue to an antelope’s head on the wall.
ON LEX AND THE KILLER
Tyler jumps into the killer’s body as the killer attempts dislodging the axe.
Controlling the killer’s body, Tyler turns the killer around and runs straight into the antelope horns.
LEX
Kill him!
The killer raises his arms and presses the palm of his hands against the wall, an inch within being impaled. Tyler’s pushed out of the killer’s body and down backwards to the floor.
LEX
What happened?
TYLER
He kicked me out. I didn’t know the living could do that.
LEX
Get back in there!
Tyler sets out to repeat the plan as the killer turns around slowly, pissed off. The killer towers over Tyler and never looked more menacing than now.
Tyler gulps, lunges at the killer decisively. The killer remains frozen.
FROM THE KILLER’S POV
In slow motion: the killer can’t see Tyler. But he can hear his steps on the creaking hardwood floor.
Tyler jumps towards the killer. The killer raises his arm and grabs Tyler by the neck mid-air. It shocks Lex but it shatters Tyler’s world. Tyler is paralyzed by fear.
LEX
How?
FROM THE KILLER’S POV
The killer presses Tyler’s invisible but tangible neck. Tyler is actually dying… again?
The killer notices the blood from the cut in his arm dripping slowly over Tyler, making a hint of his body plain to the eye.
The killer smears his own blood over Tyler’s eyes, making them visible.
The killer studies Tyler’s eyes.
CLOSE-UP
The world stops as Tyler and his killer lock eyes. Tyler stares into the masked man’s cold blue eyes.
Suddenly, a HUNTING KNIFE flies straight into the killer’s arm. The killer lets go of Tyler, Tyler drops to the floor.
Lex and Tyler turn around, discovering the BEARDED GAS STATION ATTENDANT the college kids encountered on their way to the manor.
LEX
You’re the gas station guy!
The Attendant says nothing, and wastes no time fighting the killer in hand-to-hand combat.
ATTENDANT
(to Lex)
I told you not to come here.
Lex is speechless. The Attendant’s voice grabs Tyler’s attention.
The killer hits the Attendant on the face, kicking him down to the floor. Tyler and Lex gawk as the Attendant’s FAKE BEARD comes off.
The Attendant gets up, his long shaggy hair covers his face.
TYLER
Who is this dude?
The Attendant throws his hair back revealing to be a WOMAN IN HER LATE THIRTIES.
LEX
You’re a—
Tyler’s jaw drops to the floor. He can’t believe this…
TYLER
Maddie.
LEX
(to Tyler)
The final girl.
Maddie turns to Lex, she can’t see or hear Tyler.
MADDIE
I hate that word!
Maddie punches the killer on the stomach.
MADDIE
Final girl!?
Maddie fights the killer. Punches. Kicks. Lex watches in confusion. Tyler’s in awe.
MADDIE
I’m not a victim. Or a survivor…
Maddie high-kicks the killer, sending him flying backwards. The killer thuds on his back. Maddie stands in fighting pose, looking like an action film badass.
MADDIE
I’m a fucking Gladiator.
TYLER
(to Lex)
Tell her she’s just as beautiful as I remembered.
MADDIE
(catching her breath, to Lex)
You alright, kid?
Lex nods, out of words. Maddie turns towards the killer, he’s gone. She sighs in frustration.
MADDIE
(approaching Lex)
Is anyone else alive?
Tyler approaches Maddie, tempted to caress her face with his fingers.
TYLER
She looks different. Hardened. But it really is her.
(to Lex)
Tell her I’m here.
MADDIE
Girl!
Lex jumps out, distracted by Tyler.
LEX
Yes! My sister! She is hiding—
TYLER
Tell her it’s me!
(shouts to Maddie’s ear)
Maddie, I’m right here!
MADDIE
The killer won’t stop unless we kill him. We need to find her before he does.
TYLER
(gets ready)
Lex, I’m just gonna jump into your body if you don’t tell her I’m—
LEX
Goddam it, Tyler!
Lex stops herself. She’s got Maddie’s full attention now.
MADDIE
(to Lex)
Did you say Tyler?
-
Armand Creates a Future!
What I learned…
Create story questions related to the future of our stories is important. Use these techniques:
Techniques:
Have them talk about something in the future
A warning
Create suspense – worry about some future scenario
Create uncertainty about a future decision
A twist that requires us to read father
Hooks that make us wonder
TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
LEX, THE GOTH HIGH SCHOOL GIRL
Traits: Curious, Brave, Sarcastic, Intelligent
Subtext: Insecure, Lonely
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Lex holds her cellphone, speaks with Tyler through her paranormal readings app.
LEX
(re: masked killer)
We need to stop him before is too late.
TYLER
You need to get out of here. Get everybody out of here.
LEX
They won’t listen to me. They never do.
TYLER
You will regret it if you don’t try. The killer is not going to stop until he kills your sister, your sister’s friends and you.
LEX
Being alive sucks anyway. Maybe I can be a ghost.
TYLER
That’s even worse. You don’t want to know what happens when you spend eternity doing nothing.
-
Armand Misleads/Reveals
What I learned…
A mislead guides the audience into believing one thing and a reveal exposes the truth.
HOW MISLEADS ARE CREATED:
Knowing the reveal you want the audience to experience, you search for ways to cover it. Either by going opposite or by using a form of misdirection or by simply not providing certain pieces of information.
THE STRATEGY
1. Make a list of the things you want to reveal in the scene.
2. Brainstorm possible misleads that causes the audience to think something different is happening. That way, they’ll be surprised or relieved when they discover the truth.
3. Make an outline of the scene, listing misleads and reveals.
4. Write a rough draft of the scene using misleads and reveals.
5. Rewrite the scene, changing or eliminating anything that doesn’t work.
ASSIGNMENT:
Name: TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
Character Logline: Tyler is the ghost of an entitled college jerk who was murdered 20 years ago by a masked serial killer, and now has to overcome his hidden guilt and fears to save a new group of college kids from suffering the same grisly faith as him.
CHARLES, THE MASKED KILLER WHO WAS NEVER CAUGHT
Traits: Nerdy, Rational
Subtext: Concealing, Nice Exterior
Character Logline: Charles is Tyler’s nice and nerdy half-brother who wants to fulfill his secret urge to murder people and getting away with it, but has to face off with the ghost of his brother and the final girl he’s always loved.
SCENE REVEAL: Charles is the killer.
Mislead: Dallas (college girl) disappears and re-appears later.
Mislead: Dallas acts suspicious after her sister Lex is killed.
Mislead: Is Dallas the killer?
Mislead: Dallas is working with the killer.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler and Maddie enter.
MADDIE
Ready to finish this?
TYLER
It’s time to move on.
Dallas enters. She stands still in front of them.
MADDIE
You?
The masked killer walks in, standing shoulder to shoulder with Dallas.
MADDIE
What is this?
KILLER (MASKED)
An upgrade.
The killer removes his mask. It’s CHARLES.
CHARLES
You know I always liked the newest model.
Charles looks at Dallas, she wraps herself around his arm. Tyler and Maddie exchange confused looks.
CHARLES
I couldn’t understand it at first. A ghost. It does make sense we share a special link—
TYLER
I’ll fucking kill you!
CHARLES
SHUT UP! Stop interrupting me. Always undermining me. I’m in control now.
MADDIE
Why?
CHARLES
I had urges. I’ve been patient with myself. I was patient with you. I loved you, Maddie. But I’m moving on.
DALLAS
This is for Lex!
Dallas charges at Charles with a dinner knife, but he dodges the attack and is stabbed through the hand. He punches Dallas to the floor.
-
Armand’s Crucible
What I learned… “A crucible puts opposing characters in a closed environment where they have to face each other and can’t escape.
Characters caught in a crucible won’t declare a truce and quit. They’re in it till the end. The key to the crucible is that the motivation of the characters to continue opposing each other is greater than their motivation to run away. Or they can’t run away because they’re in a prison cell, a lifeboat, an army, or a family.”
Creating a crucible is easy. Consider your story and ask these questions:
A. What closed environments already exist that can be used as
crucibles?
B. Where are the conflicts in the story that would be intensified by
creating a crucible?
C. What characters would you like to confront each other and what
crucible could make that possible?”
ASSIGNMENT:
TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
LEX, THE GOTH HIGH SCHOOL GIRL
Traits: Curious, Brave, Sarcastic, Intelligent
Subtext: Insecure, Lonely
INT. CLOSET – NIGHT
Hurried, Lex hides inside and locks the door, she’s more terrified than she’s willing to admit. She holds on tightly to her voice app. Tyler runs through the wall, landing next to Lex.
LEX
(whispers)
That was the killer. Your killer.
TYLER
Told you so.
LEX
I think we lost him. We need to warn the others.
Lex reaches for the door knob.
TYLER
Wait.
LEX
My sister is out there! I have to warn her.
TYLER
You’ll die.
LEX
So I’ll become a ghost.
TYLER
That’s not how it works. You don’t know who moves on and who becomes a ghost.
LEX
I can’t let the killer hurt my sister.
TYLER
And I can’t let you die.
LEX
But you’ll let everyone else die. You’re the coward everyone says you are.
Tyler jumps inside Lex’s body. He assumes control of her.
As Lex, Tyler opens the door and exits.
-
Armand’s Amazing Setting
What I learned… In short, the introductory scene should highlight the core character traits and the best setting to bring them out. The climatic scene should be set around the main character’s fear.
FOR AN INTRODUCTORY SCENE:
1. What are the most important traits of this character?
2. What setting would naturally draw out and demonstrate those traits?
TO MAKE A SCENE UNIQUE:
1. What is the main thing happening in this scene?
2. What setting would that never happen in, but with a little creativity, it could occur?
FOR THE CLIMATIC SCENE:
1. What is the protagonist most afraid of?
2. What is the primary strength of the antagonist?
3. What setting will exploit the fear of the protagonist and fit the primary strength of the antagonist?
BEFORE #1:
Essence of Scene: Introduce Tyler, a rich college jerk, spending the weekend at his family’s summer manor in the woods. (He’s eventually getting killed and turned into a ghost).
Setting: Father’s Office/Studio
AFTER:
New Setting: Father’s “Rec Room” which includes hunting trophies on the walls, a gun collection and bar.
How this has improved the scene: Tyler is arrogant and selfish, which can come through as he plays with the different “toys” in this opening scene. At the same time, it allows some of his cowardice to come when he might feel in real danger. Set up/payoff the weapons that will be used for the slasher element of the film.
-
Armand’s Setup/Payoffs
What I learned…
“Setups can:
A. Foreshadow upcoming events.
B. Mislead the audience.
C. Challenge the characters.
D. Be the basis for future solutions.
Payoffs can:
A. Surprise the audience.
B. Create excitement.
C. Add new meaning to the setup.
D. Twist the story in a new direction.
E. Provide closure.”
TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
LEX, THE GOTH HIGH SCHOOL GIRL
Traits: Curious, Brave, Sarcastic, Intelligent
Subtext: Insecure, Lonely
SCENE DESCRIPTION:
Tyler can now speak with Lex using her ghost tracking voice app, now he wants to alert her about the return of the killer but…
INT. LEX’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
TYLER
You can hear me.
(at the smartphone)
That is a wonderful device.
LEX
It’s just an app.
TYLER
An app?
LEX
Application. Anything you want to do, there’s an app for that. I built this one from a prototype.
TYLER
You must be like super smart.
LEX
My dad is a tech genius. Maybe I inherited some of his brains. Same can’t be said about my sister.
TYLER
Sister? The college girl?
(at Lex’s goth appearance)
Really?
LEX
Half-sister.
TYLER
You need to get everyone out of here. Now.
LEX
They’ve been drinking for hours. Good luck with that!
TYLER
Listen to me! You in danger, girl.
(chuckles)
Always wanted to quote that movie.
LEX
What movie?
TYLER
Nevermind. The killer is in the house!
LEX
What killer?
TYLER
My killer!
LEX
Do you know who the killer is? That would really help me solving your murder!
TYLER
I don’t know who the killer is! He wears a stupid mask.
LEX
Then how do you know is the same person.
TYLER
Because he was inside of me, okay?
LEX
So romantic.
TYLER
He couldn’t see me but he knew I was there somehow. He charged at me with his axe.
LEX
An axe? What is this, Friday the 13th?
TYLER
This is not a joke, Wednesday Addams. You need to tell everyone. Your sister!
LEX
Dallas never listens to me. No one does.
TYLER
Put me on your app and I’ll tell them.
LEX
I can’t do that.
TYLER
Why not?
LEX
They’ll think I’m a freak.
TYLER
Too late for that.
LEX
(at the app)
I’m closing this. Bye!
TYLER
Wait! No.
Lex turns off the app. Tyler can’t communicate with her anymore.
TYLER
I’m going to haunt you so hard.
Lex exits, Tyler follows her.
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Armand’s Twists
What I learned… Twists need to make sense. They need to be properly set up to satisfy our audience.
TYLER
Arrogant
Funny
Coward
Romantic
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
The STONER runs for his life. The killer follows him closely.
The Stoner stumbles on a rock and falls to the ground, the killer charges at him with his axe.
Suddenly, Tyler arrives and surprisingly, especially to him, carries the Stoner in the air. Flying away over the pine trees.
The Stoner assumes he’s tripping, unable to see the invisible force carrying him to safety.
The killer remains still, watching in confusion.
The stoner
STONER
(looks down)
Hey man, I’m afraid of heights!
TYLER
(the Stoner can’t hear him)
Hold still, I’m learning this on the go!
The Stoner freaks out, Tyler loses grip of him and then, the Stoner falls down straight into the insides of a large wood chipper.
TYLER
Shit.
Tyler descends next to the wood chipper, as the killer approaches. Tyler backs away, even though the killer can’t see him.
ON THE STONER
He’s injured, but with a sense of humor about what just happened. The Stoner searches for a way out.
The killer lands next to the wood chipper. Calmly, turns it ON.
O.S.: The Stoner screams. Tyler covers his eyes as the wood chipper devours the Stoner and spits him out in a bath of blood.
The blood shower soaks Tyler, showing the outline of his human form to the killer.
Tyler realizes the killer can see him and dissolves in fear.
The killer remains thoughtful. Walks away slowly.
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Armand Dramatic Irony
What I learned…
Dramatic Irony: Irony that is inherent in a situation, understood by the audience, but not grasped by the characters…
By using dramatic irony, you:
– Include the audience in the story.
– Cause them to worry about the characters.
– Entertain and increase the drama of any scene.
For it to be dramatic irony: (A.) The audience has to know something that one or more of the lead characters don’t know and (B.) what the character thinks is the opposite of what is truly happening.”
ASSIGNMENT
Tyler
Self-centered
Arrogant
Coward
Regretful
INT. ROOM – NIGHT
The killer stabs the STONER, staring at him as he fades out slowly.
INT. MANOR HALLWAY – NIGHT
Tyler rushes in. He sees the masked killer coming out of the door.
Tyler screams! He pauses himself.
TYLER
No. It’s only a nightmare.
The killer moves towards Tyler.
TYLER
I’m not afraid of you. I’m not a coward, you stupid serial killer!
The killer approaches. Tyler covers his face with his arms as the killer walks right through him.
TYLER
You’re here. You’re really here!
The killer stops. The killer turns around sensing Tyler’s presence.
TYLER
He can’t see me. You can’t see me!
Tyler dances in celebration.
TYLER
You can’t kill a ghost, motherfucker!
The killer throws his axe, right through Tyler’s ghostly head. It sticks on the wall to Tyler’s surprise.
TYLER
What the hell!
The killer grabs his axe, unable to see Tyler.
TYLER
You know I’m here. How?
Tyler remains silent, observing the killer as he disappears down the hall.
COLLEGE KID (O.S.)
Who wants to go skinny dipping?!
Tyler gasps.
TYLER
He’s gonna butcher those kids.
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Armand Conflict
What I learned… I enjoyed these definitions:
TENSION: Barely controlled hostility or a strained relationship between people or groups.
CONFLICT: Opposition between characters or forces in a work of drama or fiction, especially opposition that motivates or shapes the action of the plot.
Some sources of conflict:
– Opposition to a character’s wants.
– Threaten the character’s main goal.
– Introduce a new threat.
– Have characters with competing agendas.
– Someone says one thing and does another.
– A solution doesn’t come through.
– The antagonist is present.
– Opposing solutions.
– Internal confusion and/or fear.
– Making the wrong decision.
– Unrealistic deadlines.
– A choice between two negatives.
– And others.
Ways to increase tension:
– Have your characters make decisions that have
serious consequences.
– Put your characters in a place they shouldn’t be.
– Have them overstep their normal boundaries.
– Have them say and do things that increase the
danger they’re in.
– Put them in a spot where they have to decide
between two evils.
– Have them take socially unacceptable actions.
– Any action or dialogue that makes a conflict worse.
INT. FATHER’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Tyler and Charles sit on Father’s desk drinking whiskey. Tyler’s rocks himself on Father’s chair.
CHARLES
You don’t want to tell him.
TYLER
I got expelled. Of course I would prefer not to tell it.
CHARLES
If you don’t tell him. I will.
TYLER
Why are you making this about you?
CHARLES
I’m helping you.
TYLER
You’re snitching. And you know what they say about snitches.
CHARLES
They go on free. Tell him.
TYLER
Maybe it’s better if you do tell him.
CHARLES
I won’t tell him.
TYLER
You just said you would.
CHARLES
I was motivating you. I don’t want my head chopped off.
TYLER
So you do agree he will kill me.
CHARLES
If he doesn’t. I will.
TYLER
Excuse me?
CHARLES
You wasted such a big opportunity.
TYLER
Who needs college! Our father has a summer mansion.
CHARLES
You don’t know how lucky you are.
TYLER
Trust me, I do.
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Armand Dramatic Choices
What I learned is to identify the dramatic moments in a story. And how we can make choices to improve them.
I was on a trip and caught WONDER WOMAN 1984
I think this movie’s opening scene brings us into the formative lessons that made Diana/Wonder Woman who she is as a hero and woman. We also meet Barbara (Kristen Wiig) who wishes to have the apparent external confidence of Diana. Their relationship, friendship and rivalry brings a lot of drama to the story. Pedro Pascal as Max Lord, an 80s Trump-like mogul, also adds drama due to his ambition and willingness to do whatever it takes to not be a failure. The cost of the romance between Steve and Wonder Woman is also dramatic.
WONDER WOMAN 84 (After Steve reappears):
Diana is unwilling to give up Steve, even if it means her powers are diminishing.
Barbara goes to the gym and realizes she is physically super strong.
Barbara kicks the ass of her sexual harasser on the streets, to the point of almost killing the guy.
Wonder Woman identifies how to defeat Max Lord, but the price is giving up her wish: Steve’s return.
Steve (who is from the 40s) enjoys his borrowed time in the 80s but encourages Diana to give him up. She doesn’t want to.
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Armand’s Ad for A-List
What I learned…
“KEYS TO A GREAT CHARACTER AD:
Your first character introduction not only sells the character, it sells the movie…or it doesn’t. So you want to make sure you use all three keys here to intro your two lead characters.
A. The character splashes onto the page in an INTERESTING Situation.
B. The scene delivers an INSIGHT into who this character is in a big way.
C. The initial action, dialogue, and description ALL SELL THE CHARACTER
You are not trying to put everything from the profile into the scene, but instead, trying to highlight the INSIGHT that makes this character amazing.
Introduce your character through their “best part.”
Character’s name: Maddie, the final girl.
What is the Interesting Situation? The killer returned, and is about to kill the new college kids, even with Tyler’s attempts to help…
What is the Insight about this character? Her determination to stop more people from dying
What Action and Description will sell this character? Fight sequence, her disguise as the gas station attendant.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler closes his eyes. The killer charges at Lex and Dallas with his knife. Suddenly, the killer is tackled to the ground. It’s the Gas Station Weirdo, holding an axe.
The Gas Station Weirdo charges at the killer on the floor. The killer dodges the attack, hits the Gas Station Weirdo on the stomach.
The Gas Station Weirdo lands on his back, losing his hat and… a fake beard. He gets up, and we discover this shaggy weirdo is a woman in her late thirties.
TYLER
Maddie?
LEX
(to Tyler, only she can hear him)
The final girl?
Maddie reacts to Lex’s words. She turns around, the killer is gone.
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Armand Dialogue on The Attack!
Situation: Tyler tries to warn the college kids to leave before the killer gets them. He finds a way to communicate with Lex, the goth teen sister of one of the college kids.
Character Name: TYLER (THE GHOST)
Subtext: He can’t admit he’s scared so his pride pushes him to show bravado in front of Lex.
Basic character traits:
Arrogant, Belittling
Cowardly
Sarcastic
Romantic
Scared
In Denial
Character: LEX (GOTH TEEN)
Subtext: Wants a true connection with her sister Dallas, it’s very sensitive but hides it under a prickly attitude
Basic character traits:
Confident
Curious/Impulsive
Sarcastic/Prickly
Sensitive
INT. LEX’S ROOM – NIGHT
Tyler materializes in front of Lex. She backs down for a beat. Intrigued, she approaches him.
LEX
You’re a ghost? You look like a character from Dawson’s Creek.
TYLER
Goth Nancy Drew is on the case. Come on, we need to get you all out of here—
LEX
I have questions!
TYLER
There’s no time for Q&As, Marilyn Manson. The killer is here!
LEX
Who is Marilyn Manson?
TYLER
Did you hear me, the killer is here. We need to get you and your friends out.
LEX
They’re not my friends.
TYLER
Whatever, we need to get everyone out before is too late.
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[PS80] Day 8: Fill Your Outline with Character
Armand Character Outline
OPENING
Tyler, a privileged and arrogant college kids, has invited his friends for a weekend at his family manor. Tyler is avoiding confronting his recent expulsion.
Charles, Tyler’s half-brother and confidant, advises Tyler to tell the truth to their hard-to-please father.
When a masked serial killer murders all of Tyler’s friends, Tyler has the initial instinct to protect his girlfriend Maddie. Ultimately, getting scared and killed.
THE INCITING INCIDENT
The serial killer chases after Maddie, we don’t know what happens next.
\With his cowardice and Maddie as the last two things on his mind before his death, Tyler is “cursed” and becomes a ghost, secretly regretting his choices.
BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
As the years go by, Tyler has “nightmares” of the masked killer roaming areas of the manor, and he tries to avoid the killer at all cost.
The killer, who is secretly Charles under the mask, treasures the memories of his murder spree and keeps coming back to the manor throughout the years (unaware Tyler’s ghost is there).
New college kids arrive to party for the weekend after the manor is finally sold 20 years after the massacre.
FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE
Tyler realizes the serial killer is back. Empowered by the fact that he’s a ghost and can’t be harmed again, Tyler tries and fails (miserably) to save one of the college kids from a gruesome murder.
The killer realizes something supernatural is occurring due to Tyler’s intervention.
Tyler tries to warn the college kids to leave. He finds a way to communicate with Lex, the teen sister of one of the college kids.
MIDPOINT
Maddie, now a badass vigilante, shows up and fights off the killer before he murders the main college kids.
The killer, who has been in love with Maddie all these years, lets her live while he digests the shock of seeing Maddie alive.
Tyler is genuinely happy and relieved to find out Maddie is alive. He tries reconnecting with her, but refuses to apologize for his actions 20 years earlier.
SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT 2
The serial killer murders Lex while she tried to protect her sister. Tyler goes into hiding, unable to confront this loss.
CRISIS
The killer kidnaps Dallas, Lex’s sister.
Tyler admits his fears to Maddie. He apologizes to her.
CLIMAX
Tyler and Maddie unmask Charles as the serial killer. Charles admits his motivation deep down is the pleasure he feels when he kills.
Tyler confronts Charles, and defeats him.
RESOLUTION
Lex is alive, grows closer with her sister Dallas.
Maddie, badly injured by Charles, dies.
Tyler’s soul is freed and he moves on to the after-life with Maddie’s soul.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Armand Petrikowski.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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Armand’s Full-out Characters
TYLER, THE GHOST
1. Basic character traits:
Arrogant
– When asked for proof about the killer’s return, Tyler brags about being a ghost and that’s proof enough
– Points out he’s better than Lex
Belittling
– Ridicules Lex’s goth/emo appearance
Cowardly
– Refuses to show Lex where the killer is
– Refuses to get involved, encouraging Lex to run away
Sarcastic
– Calls himself an example of what will happen to the college kids if they don’t leave the manor
– Says Lex is scarier-looking than the killer, but she is no match for the killer’s skills
Romantic
– Opens himself up about his fear of being unable to save the college kids, which gains him Lex’s attention.
– Blames himself for Maddie’s death
2. Want/Need
Tyler, the ghost, WANTS to save the college teens from being murdered like he was years ago.
He NEEDS to prove he is not a coward.
– Asks Lex about the deaths of Maddie and his other friends
– He refuses to let more people die
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
Arrogant in front of others, but feels inferior about himself
Belittles those he feels superior to, but is kind to his girlfriend in private
4. Secret: He is afraid to admit he is scared. Uses sarcasm to cover it.
5. Flaw: Afraid to own up to his mistakes
6. Special: He is a ghost afraid of a mortal killer.
He freezes at the presence of the serial killer
He has visions of the killer, it turns out the killer kept coming back to the manor because the killer was Charles, Tyler’s half-brother
8. Subtext: Scared, in Denial
– He can’t admit he’s scared so his pride pushes him to show bravado in front of Lex
9. Character Logline: Tyler is the ghost of an entitled college jerk who was murdered 20 years ago by a masked serial killer, and now has to overcome his hidden guilt and fears to save a new group of college kids from suffering the same grisly faith as him.
– Use his ghost powers to show Lex a montage of what will happen to her if she stays (aka the original murder spree).
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Armand’s Character Chemistry.
What I learned… The levels of chemistry can improve our characters’ relationships and the quality of our scenes.
“LEVELS OF CHEMISTRY
1. Common ground / similarities.
2. Differences that cause conflict.
3. Playing the same game / Competing Agendas
4. Need fulfillment
Tyler, the ghost/Charles, Tyler’s half-brother (the killer)
They share the same father
They both love Maddie
They have different mothers
Tyler got kicked out of college, Charles in a A+ student
Tyler is arrogant to hide fears, Charles is nerdy and polite to hide his true sadistic self
They both wanted to please Father
They are both jealous of each other (growing up)
Tyler/Maddie (the final girl 20 years later)
They are both traumatized by the killer’s original spree
They love each other
Their friends are dead
They are both trying to stop the serial killer
Tyler wants to avoid conflict, Maddie wants to confront the killer
Together, they can stop the killer and find closure/move on/rest in peace
Charles/Maddie
They both grieved Tyler’s death
Charles wanted to let go, Maddie never let go regarding the killer being out there
Tyler/Lex (16y.o. goth, true crime aficionado)
They both have half-siblings
They both have rich parents
Tyler is a privileged jerk, Lex is a social outcast
Tyler wants to hide, Lex wants to investigate
They both want a healthy sibling relationship
Lex/Dallas (Lex’s college-aged half-sister)
They share the same Father like Tyler/Charles
Lex is a leader, Dallas is a follower
They can’t admit they are jealous of each other
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Armand’s Character Arc
What I learned doing this assignment is…
I really like the approach to character arc in this lesson (issue, escalating challenge(s) and transformation).
“DEFINITION of Character Arc: The character begins with one viewpoint/belief/habit and changes to another. It is their transformation.”
The Character Arc could come from one of three places.
– The protagonist facing his fear
– A change in ONE trait.
A change in the flaw
THE STRUCTURE OF CHARACTER ARC
In its simplest version, the Character Arc is just about a character going through a chance. But there is an easy structure that can deliver the transformational experience for your audience in a deep way.
Here’s how it works:
1. The Issue: Establish the character with a fear, flaw, or trait that needs to be changed.
2. Escalating Challenge: Throughout the story, the character is continually confronted with situations that challenge that fear, flaw, or trait. The character does everything they can to avoid dealing with it — straight out avoidance, uses coping strategies, fights against it, etc. But the challenges keep increasing in intensity until…
3. The Transformation: Finally, when all else fails, the character makes the change — faces the fear, has a major insight, or finally chooses the one path they have avoided for the entire movie.”
TYLER, THE GHOST
The issue: Tyler is a cowardly ghost who acts tough and arrogant, except when confronted with actual danger to himself or others.
Escalating challenges: He discovers his killer is back in the manor and hides from him. He vows not to intervene and let the killer murder the new batch of killers, when he finally intervenes he fails miserably and the killer ends up killing a victim anyway, he opens himself to Lex, only to see her dying.
The Transformation: He becomes brave after all these failures to save the day and defeats the killer, while maintaining some of his arrogance. Moves on to rest in peace.
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Armand’s Characters Live!
What I learned…
“We want readers to know our characters better than everyone but their closest friends.
Characterization is the art of bringing a character to life and having us
experience the essence of who that character is on paper.The first and ongoing description of the character. B. By how we bring the character into the scene. C. Character actions and our description of those actions. D. Through the character’s dialogue. E. Through other character’s dialogue about the first character. F. Their natural environment
We individualize by seeing characters doing things and saying things, not by the author telling us about them.
We, as writers, have the opportunity to pour character into our dialogue
and description like syrup.”
TYLER, THE GHOST
A. How can I describe the character in an interesting way?
18, In a slasher movie, you would want him to get killed. And he will be.
He’s Trump-kid level of braggadocious
An old money brat for the new millennium
B. How can the character burst onto the scene?
He’s drunk, and attempts scaring his nerdy half-brother
By scaring people as a ghost
By writing ghostly messages on mirrors or walls
By touching or grabbing something that is falling, surprising other characters
C. What actions naturally fit this scene and the character?
Tyler tries to scare his half-brother, brother advices Tyler to come clean to Father about his expulsion. Father values education above everything.
D. What would a character with these traits say in this scene?
Make excuses for himself, tell others is their fault for not helping him, deflect
E. How might other characters describe this one?
Scared, cynical, smart but lazy, scared little Bambi pretending he’s the big bad wolf
F. What environment would show off who this character is?
FATHER’S STUDIO/HUNTING TROPHY GALLERY
INT. FATHER’S STUDIO – DAY
A young dead man lies on the floor. A hunting knife is lodged in his chest.
Charles, affably nerdy, enters. He screams at the gruesome discovery.
He runs towards the dead body and drops to his knees next to him. Charles starts crying, covers his face in disbelief.
CHARLES
Tyler, no!
The dead man is TYLER (18). In a slasher film, he’s the rich jerk you can’t wait to see getting killed. And he will be killed. Just not yet.
Tyler open one eye, checks on a crying Charles.
TYLER
(calmly)
Gotcha.
Tyler bursts into laughter and gets up. Tyler toys with the knife as Charles remains on the ground, shocked.
TYLER
I’m glad to see you really care about me, Charles.
CHARLES
You scared me. I thought Father found out about the stuff at school.
Tyler grabs a bottle, drinks up.
TYLER
Did you say anything to him?
Tyler points the hunting knife at Charles.
Suddenly, Charles remembers the walls are covered with hunting trophies and weapons.
CHARLES
Of course not. But you have to tell him sooner or later.
TYLER
I choose later, then.
CHARLES
You can’t hide in the manor forever.
TYLER
I’m just taking an impromptu break.
CHARLES
You were expelled!
TYLER
Relax, Father will buy the school a new library or something. I’ll be back in no time.
CHARLES
You stole a test, Tyler. From a professor.
TYLER
Attempted to steal a test. And I was just the lookout. Those two idiots were caught activating the alarm. They are the ones in trouble.
CHARLES
You like acting like the big bad wolf but you’re just Bambi. Afraid.
Tyler takes in these words for a beat. He glances out the window.
TYLER
Oh, you wanna go hunting tomorrow!?
CHARLES
I’m going home.
Charles walks out, disappointed in Tyler.
TYLER
Don’t say I don’t include you!
Tyler sips straight from the bottle.
A car enters the driveway, Tyler looks out the window.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Armand Petrikowski.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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Armand’s Dueling Agendas
What I learned…
“Competing agendas is one of the keys to great dialogue and increased conflict between characters. Different agendas show up in a character’s action, inaction, dialogue or lack of dialogue. It’s the competing agendas that provide the conflict and opportunity for comedy”
Name: TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
Character Logline: Tyler is the ghost of an entitled college jerk who was murdered 20 years ago by a masked serial killer, and now has to overcome his hidden guilt and fears to save a new group of college kids from suffering the same grisly faith as him.
Possible areas of subtext: He wants to haunt the kids so they leave before they are killed, he doesn’t want to intervene, he runs from the masked killer even though he’s a ghost, he thinks the killer’s return is just a nightmare.
Name: MADDIE, THE FINAL GIRL 20 YEARS LATER
Traits: Brave, Wise, Tough
Subtext: Paranoid
Character Logline: Maddie is the sole survivor of the original massacre who is obsessed with the return of the masked killer who was never caught and sets out to stop the killer at any cost now that the killer’s back.
Possible areas of subtext: Distrusts everyone, has conspiracy theories, doesn’t use technology and lives off the grid so the killer couldn’t find her.
——
Adult Maddie, now a badass vigilante, appears and helps fight the serial killer before he gets Dallas and Lex. Tyler re-connects with Maddie.
TYLER’S AGENDA: To get close to Maddie again
MADDIE’S AGENDA: To get away from Tyler’s ghost
Outline: Maddie appears just in time to help Tyler, Lex, Dallas and the remaining college kids (Jerk Jock, Socialite). Maddie kicks the killer’s butt. The killer retreats momentarily. Tyler discovers Maddie is alive. Maddie is informed Tyler’s ghost is in the room. She is in disbelief. Lex, who can see Tyler, suggests Tyler jumps in a body to make contact. Tyler jumps into the Jock’s body. Tyler and Maddie speak about things only the two of them would know. Maddie slaps Tyler for leaving her behind 20 years ago. Tyler says he died! Maddie says she should have killed him herself for his cowardice. Maddie asks the college kids to leave and Tyler to leave her alone. She will face off with the killer. Tyler tries to convince Maddie to leave. Maddie refuses, saying the killer will never back off unless he dies.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler stands inches away from Maddie’s face. She can’t see Tyler.
TYLER
Maddie, you are alive. You… you’re beautiful.
LEX
She can’t hear you, Tyler.
MADDIE
Tyler? You kids have a morbid sense of humor. Tyler’s death!
Tyler jumps on the Jock’s body, inhabiting him. We see Tyler as he approaches Maddie.
TYLER
(in the Jock’s body)
Maddie. Remember what I said to you that night.
Maddie remains quiet.
TYLER
I said I wish I was as brave as you’re.
MADDIE
Tyler? Is it really you?
Maddie puts her hand on Tyler’s cheek. Tyler nods.
Maddie slaps Tyler. The college kids jump in surprise.
MADDIE
This is for leaving me to die, you coward.
TYLER
So you believe it’s me!
She slaps him again.
MADDIE
(to the college kids)
You need to leave.
LEX
What about the killer?
MADDIE
I’m going to stop this son of a bitch.
Maddie grabs her axe, determined to kill or be killed.
TYLER
You can’t do that. He’ll kill you!
Maddie grabs Tyler by his shirt.
MADDIE
You stay away from me, ghost!
The Jock is himself again. The Jock rubs his cheek in pain. Tyler stands next to him.
LEX
He already jumped out.
(points to Tyler’s direction)
He’s right there—
MADDIE (rolls her eyes)
Of course.
(shouts to the air like trying to reach Tyler)
Coward!
(to the kids)
Follow me. I’ll get you out of here.
Lex and Tyler exchange a worried look as everyone follows Maddie.
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Armand’s Subtext and Loglines
What I learned… Character traits in subtext creates deeper characters and can lead us to stronger scenes.
Name: TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
Character Logline: Tyler is the ghost of an entitled college jerk who was murdered 20 years ago by a masked serial killer, and now has to overcome his hidden guilt and fears to save a new group of college kids from suffering the same grisly faith as him.
Possible areas of subtext: He wants to haunt the kids so they leave before they are killed, he doesn’t want to intervene, he runs from the masked killer even though he’s a ghost, he thinks the killer’s return is just a nightmare.
Name: MADDIE, THE FINAL GIRL 20 YEARS LATER
Traits: Brave, Wise, Tough
Subtext: Paranoid
Character Logline: Maddie is the sole survivor of the original massacre who is obsessed with the return of the masked killer who was never caught and sets out to stop the killer at any cost now that the killer’s back.
Possible areas of subtext: Distrusts everyone, has conspiracy theories, doesn’t use technology and lives off the grid so the killer couldn’t find her.
Name: CHARLES, THE MASKED KILLER WHO WAS NEVER CAUGHT
Traits: Nerdy, Rational
Subtext: Concealing, Nice Exterior
Character Logline: Charles is Tyler’s nice and nerdy half-brother who wants to fulfill his secret urge to murder people and getting away with it, but has to face off with the ghost of his brother and the final girl he’s always loved.
Possible areas of subtext: plans to pin the new murders on Lex, the true-crime obsessed goth girl. Conceals his murderous impulses. His non-threatening appearance and attitude makes us forget he could be the killer.
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Armand’s characters
What I learned doing this assignment is… How a character profile can help us give our main characters a distinctive voice and identity on the page. “As you write and rewrite, you’ll be using this profile to deliver that character on the page. I’ve seen too many screenplays where every character speaks the same way. The way to solve that is by creating a precise Character Profile.”
CHARACTER PROFILES
Character Name: TYLER (THE GHOST)
1. Basic character traits:
Arrogant
Belittling
Cowardly
Sarcastic
Romantic
2. Want/Need
Tyler, the ghost, WANTS to save the college teens from being murdered like he was years ago.
He NEEDS to prove he is not a coward.
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
Arrogant in front of others, but feels inferior about himself
Belittles those he feels superior to, but is kind to his girlfriend in private
4. Secret: He is afraid to admit he is scared. Uses sarcasm to cover it.
5. Flaw: Afraid to own up to his mistakes
6. Special: He is a ghost.
Character Name: MADDIE (THE FINAL GIRL 20 YEARS LATER)
1. Basic character traits:
Brave
Brings the best out of people
Tough
Kind
2. Want/Need
Maddie WANTS to stop the masked killer who was never caught.
She NEEDS to rest in peace/closure.
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
Brings the best out of people through tough love
4. Secret: She has survivor’s guilt
5. Flaw: Stubborn
6. Special: She’s lived off the grid for the last decade, watching the manor and waiting for the killer to strike back.
Character Name: CHARLES (THE KILLER & TYLER’S HALF-BROTHER)
1. Basic character traits:
Ambitious
Calculating
Insecure
Sadistic
2. Want/Need
Charles, the killer who was never caught, WANTS to get away with murder.
He NEEDS to feel powerful.
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
He had ambition but he ruined the family fortune
He is sadistic but loves Maddie
He is only strong when he is masked killing people
4. Secret: He is jealous of Tyler, his half-brother.
5. Flaw: Cocky, thinks he is always ahead of everyone.
6. Special: He loves killing, constantly going back to his memories of his one murder spree.
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Armand’s Pass 10: Essence Only
What I learned is… Getting to the essence is very important because it helps us communicate our ideas in a clear and economic way.
LOGLINE: A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered must save a group of college kids from impending death when the masked killer who was never caught returns for an anniversary spree.
DRAMATIC QUESTION: Will Tyler the ghost stop and unmask his killer?
MAIN CONFLICT: Can Tyler, the ghost, and Maddie, the final girl, save this new group of college kids from being killed?
DILEMMA: Tyler faces these choices: To allow the serial killer to “win again” without interfering and “live” with the guilt of letting more innocent college kids die OR Intervene, having to confront his biggest fear and fail anyway.
THEME: Sooner or later, you must confront your fears in order to move on.
EXT. MANOR – SUNSET
Aerial view of an impressive manor surrounded by the forest.
INT. FATHER’S PRIVATE OFFICE – CONT.
Tyler, a privileged and arrogant college kid, gets drunk in his Father’s office.
Charles, Tyler’s half-brother, knows Tyler was kicked out of school, questioning when Tyler will tell their intimidating Father. Charles tells Tyler he lacks the courage to own up to the consequences of his actions.
Ivan, the scary manor caretaker, tells Tyler his father is on the phone. Tyler sees Charles driving away as he speaks on the phone (nervously) with Father. Tyler has an opportunity to be honest with his father but he doesn’t…
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler’s college friends, including Tyler’s girlfriend Maddie, arrive to party for the weekend. Tyler humiliates Ivan in front of his friends. Ivan glares as the kids enter the manor.
INT. TYLER’S BEDROOM – CONT.
Maddie wonders why Tyler is showing off and being rude, when he’s nice and caring when it’s just the two of them. Tyler opens up to Maddie, showing his good side.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
A masked serial killer murders all of Tyler’s friends one by one. Tyler and Maddie hide.
INT. FATHER’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Tyler is killed in a moment of cowardice. Maddie runs away. Before Tyler knows what happens next: He becomes “cursed” and turns into a ghost.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Montage: Tyler discovers his ghost abilities: invisible, levitating/flying, can touch or move material things, possess people’s body)… but he is not very good at it.
Tyler regrets being a coward and not saving Maddie and his friends. He refuses to visit the parts of the manor where his friends were killed, especially his Father’s office (where he died).
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Tyler has “nightmares” of the masked killer re-appearing.
INT. MANOR – DAY
Tyler’s Father visits. Tyler wishes he could contact his Father. Tyler possesses his Father’s Assistant. Tyler touches his Father through the assistant’s body. For a moment, Father lets down his guard.
EXT. MANOR – DAY
When the assistant exits through the gates, Tyler is kicked out of his body. Tyler’s ghost understands he can’t leave the manor.
EXT. ROAD – PRESENT DAY (20 YEARS LATER)
A van drives through the woods.
INT. CAR – DAY
A new group of college kids show up to party for the weekend. We meet Dallas and Lex, paternal half-sisters who don’t get along. Plus: Socialite Girl, Influencer Girl, Jerk Jock, Stoner Kid & Gaymer Kid.
EXT. GENERAL STORE – DAY
The college kids make a stop for booze and snacks.
INT. GENERAL STORE – CONT.
We learn the manor was abandoned for 20 years, sold recently to a wealthy tech guru (Dallas and Lex’s dad). Lex, a true crime fanatic, points out that the caretaker is believed to be the serial killer who was never caught. Lex explains how the disgruntled caretaker killed the kids and ran away with some of Tyler’s father’s money. Going off the grid to avoid being caught. The college kids are the first people going into the manor since it was sold recently.
The college kids are warned by a shaggy MYSTERIOUS STORE ATTENDANT about the urban legend: that the Caretaker of the manor is believed to be the killer who was never caught and still roams the woods waiting to strike back.
The college kids dismiss the warning. Lex is intrigued by the Store Attendant.
EXT. MANOR – DAY
Tyler stares out of the window as the college kids enter the driveway.
INT. MANOR – DAY
Tyler deals with the arrival of the whole group, pranking them. The college kids are too self-absorbed, too high or too lost in their mobile devices to notice, but Lex believes something paranormal is going on.
EXT. MANOR – DAY
The killer sneaks into the manor.
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
The party is getting started. Dallas is irritated by the presence of Lex.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
The stoner kid separates from the group.
INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
The stoner kid is murdered by the masked killer.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Tyler runs into the killer as the killer opens the bathroom door, bloodied knife in hand. Tyler freezes in panic. Is this a nightmare again?
The killer walks through Tyler’s ghostly body and stops. The killer seems to notice he’s not alone. Tyler fears the killer will somehow get him… But the killer leaves quietly.
INT. ROOM – NIGHT
Tyler is afraid to enter, but once inside: Tyler finds the stoner’s dead body, triggering his ghost PTSD.
The ghost of the stoner kid appears.The stoner knows Tyler’s life and how coward he was during the first massacre. Tyler feels guilty, but he is too scared of the killer to help the new college kids.
The stoner’s ghost “moves on” to rest in peace in front of Tyler’s eyes.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler now attempts communicating with the drunk college students to WARN THEM but fails.
He tries to scare them to leave, but FAILS.
The college kids separate in small groups as the party continues.
EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
Tyler tries to save Gaymer Kid being chased by the killer outside the manor by flying off over the woods with the very confused Gaymer in his arms…
The confused Gaymer causes Tyler to accidentally drop him into a large wood chipper; that the killer calmly turns on to finish off the job.
The killer has increased “awareness” of a supernatural presence. But leaves.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler realizes he doesn’t have the skills to defeat the killer. And can’t let this happen again.
Tyler figures out how to speak with Lex using her ghost-hunting app. The supernatural energy summoned by Tyler to communicate with Lex kills the internet and cellphone service.
Tyler and Lex try warning Dallas and the college kids, who are more concerned about the lack of wifi.
While Tyler is scared of running into the killer. Lex is brave and wants to find the killer in order to stop him.
Tyler learns from Lex that his father is dead, and regrets not being honest with him.
He finds out Maddie made it out alive.
Tyler possesses Lex’s body (jumps into her body) to convince her sister Dallas about the serial killer and the ghost.
Dallas doesn’t believe Lex until she sees the killer in action: killing one of her friends: Influencer Girl.
Now: Dallas, Lex, Socialite Girl and Jock are the only ones left alive.
Tyler points out Jock is just as obnoxious as he was when he was alive.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
The killer chases the kids and Tyler. After he prevents the killer from killing the kids, the killer becomes “aware” of “a presence.”
The killer throws a machete at Tyler’s direction. The machete goes through the ghost’s body and lands on the wall. Tyler screams and runs for his “life.” The killer seems to be able to listen to Tyler’s screaming.
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
The kids get in the car. They crash on their way out. The killer jumps on top of the car, tries stabbing the kids. Tyler attempts hitting the killer. The killer is able to grab and hit Tyler. Tyler is confused by feeling pain.
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
The Mysterious General Store Attendant appears and fights the serial killer, saving Tyler, Dallas, Jock, Socialite and Lex from death. The killer escapes.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
The Store Attendant is Maddie in disguise, now a badass who has lived off-the-grid for the last years. Tyler is shocked to see Maddie.
Maddie reveals the caretaker is alive and has been been sending her messages all these years, before she went off-the-grid.
INT. MANOR – FLASHBACK
We see college Maddie after Tyler is murdered. Defeating the killer and surviving the massacre.
EXT. MANOR – FLASHBACK
Maddie speaks with the cops next to an ambulance. Maddie explains how the cops assumed the caretaker is the killer and that he was never caught.
Maddie grows up obsessed with the massacre and the killer being out there. This alienates Maddie from everyone, including Charles, Tyler’s half-brother who is seen trying to be close to her.
INT. MANOR – PRESENT TIME
Maddie is told Tyler is a ghost, which she refuses to believe at first.
Tyler complains of pain for the first time since he became a ghost. Lex deducts the killer has a great emotional power over Tyler and it manifests from Tyler’s fear of him.
Lex performs a seance. This makes Tyler manifest in front of them.
Maddie cannot believe her eyes. Tyler is in front of her, still a college-boy.
INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT
As Tyler gets closer to Maddie and moves even closer towards confronting his guilt, Tyler discovers his ghost body is “moving on” (dissolving into air) like the stoner’s. Tyler realizes he might be able to “rest in peace” if he stops the killer.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Lex and Dallas grow closer as the danger increases. Dallas compliments Lex’s courage.
The killer cuts the power in the manor.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Lex finds clues about the killer’s identity and motive: Print outs of Lex’s true crime posts on social media. A box with paparazzi polaroids of college-aged Maddie.
The killer appears and kills Jock and Socialite. The killer chases Lex and Dallas.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Tyler uses his ghost powers to protect the girls and fight the killer, but the killer outsmarts him. Lex saves Dallas. The serial killer stabs Lex, killing her. Dallas feels guilty. Tyler wishes “it had been him” instead.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler has failed to protect the college kids. Maddie has also failed after all these years. Dallas gives up, wishing she was dead instead of Lex. Tyler can’t confront the guilt, walks away.
INT. FATHER’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Tyler and Maddie enter. Tyler finds an old painting of his late father. He apologizes to his father’s painting. The ghost of Father manifests and Tyler admits his mistakes. They get closure. Ghost Dad moves on. Tyler sets out to fight the killer.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Dallas wants to avenge her sister and friends. She grabs an axe and looks for the killer. The killer abducts Dallas.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler rescues Dallas and fights the serial killer. But the serial killer can fight back and injure Tyler. Tyler and Maddie unmask the serial killer.
Tyler’s half-brother Charles was jealous of Tyler’s relationship with Maddie and, discovering he also fantasized of killing people, orchestrated the whole massacre and pinned it on Ivan.
Charles realizes Tyler is a ghost. Charles realizes he needs to “exorcise” Tyler out of his life once and for all.
EXT. MANOR – FLASHBACK
Charles confesses he killed Ivan the caretaker during the original massacre and got rid of his body as a plan to frame the disgruntled worker as the killer who finally snapped at Tyler and friends. Charles dumps the caretaker’s body in the back of his car before he left the manor in the opening.
INT. MANOR – PRESENT TIME
Charles didn’t win the love of Maddie before she went into hiding and he spent the whole family fortune in luxuries and bad investments. Deep down, Charles was so delighted with the memories of his killings at the manor and the power he felt, that he kept the manor as his last asset. He sold the manor to Lex and Dallas’ father and hopes to re-buy it at a lower price after he finishes his new killing spree. Charles has been obsessed with Maddie all these years. Sending her the messages until she disappeared.
Charles was planning to pin the murders on goth, true-crime obsessed Lex (based on her social media posts about Tyler), but Dallas will do.
Charles offers Maddie a chance to join him,
Tyler becomes tangible and fights the serial killer with Maddie’s help.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer. Tyler apologizes to Maddie for his cowardice. Maddie is badly injured and dies.
Lex turns out to be alive. Lex and Dallas grow closer and become true sisters.
Tyler, freed from his ghost state, and Maddie, her soul appearing like in her college years, move on to rest in peace together.
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Armand’s Pass 9: Flag Scenes to Elevate
What I learned doing this is… Solving problems in our outline before actually writing the script can help us improve our quality before we even get to writing the screenplay.
“After the massacre, ghost Tyler sees his father ordering to shut down the manor. Tyler wishes he could contact him but he can’t.”
FLAG: We also need to see that Tyler’s ghost cannot leave the manor.
FLAG: Payoff for later is that Tyler’s father is dead, and he never got to apologize.
We need to see early on that Tyler can possess people, like the realtor working with Tyler’s father, but can’t leave the manor when he gets to the gates.
We also want to see Tyler’s love for his Father and his regret. Maybe the realtor, possessed by Tyler, touches his Father.
“Dallas and Lex discover the killer slashed the tires of their vehicle. The killer chases Dallas and Lex.”
FLAG: I don’t like the slashing of the tires.
Maybe they crash the car trying to escape.
“Tyler’s half-brother Charles was jealous of Tyler’s relationship with Maddie and, discovering he also fantasized of killing people, orchestrated the whole massacre and pinned it on the manor’s caretaker Ivan. Charles realizes Tyler is a ghost. Charles realizes he needs to “exorcise” Tyler out of his life once and for all.”
FLAG: Make a stronger connection (SETUP) between Tyler and his half-brother Charles so their supernatural connection as killer/victim makes more sense by the end.
Improved Outline
OPENING
EXT. MANOR – SUNSET
Aerial view of an impressive manor surrounded by the forest.
INT. MANOR – CONT.
Tyler, a privileged and arrogant college kid, has invited a group of friends including his girlfriend Maddie to party at his family’s remote summer manor.
Tyler is getting drunk and avoiding telling his intimidating father that he got kicked out of school for bad grades/missing class.
Tyler argues with his stuck-up half-brother Charles. Charles knows Tyler’ secret, wonders when Tyler will tell Father what happened at school.
Charles tells Tyler he lacks the courage to own up to the consequences of his actions.
Charles leaves the manor. Tyler is upset, but deep down he knows Charles is telling the truth.
The odd-looking, intimidating caretaker Ivan appears and tells Tyler his father is on the phone. The caretaker leaves. Tyler sees Charles driving away as he speaks on the phone nervously with Father.
Tyler has an opportunity to be honest with his father but he doesn’t…
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler’s college friends, including Maddie, arrive.
Tyler shows his arrogance by bossing around the mysterious and frightening Ivan in front of his friends, humiliating him. The caretaker stares angrily as the kids enter the manor.
INT. MANOR – CONT.
Maddie wonders why Tyler is acting like that in front of the group, when he is different (nice and caring) when Maddie and him are alone.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
In slasher-film style: A masked serial killer murders all of Tyler’s friends one by one.
Tyler hides as his friends are murdered, making it second-to-last (with Maddie).
2. THE INCITING INCIDENT
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler, totally afraid, is killed (while trying to ditch Maddie and save himself) AND Maddie runs away from the serial killer.
Before we know what happens next: Tyler’s soul becomes “cursed” and he turns into a ghost. The manor’s warm, wood tones become grey and ominous as Tyler enters the “after-life.”
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
We learn what Tyler can do as a ghost (supernatural abilities: being invisible, levitating/flying poorly, can touch or move some material things, possessing people’s body like the movie Ghost), but we also learn that he is not very good at it.
Tyler regrets being a coward and not saving Maddie and his friends. But he refuses to visit the parts of the manor where his friends were killed, including the room where he was murdered: his Father’s office.
Time after the massacre, ghost Tyler sees his father coming into the manor. Father orders his staff to shut down the manor. Tyler wishes he could contact his Father but he can’t.
Tyler possesses his Father’s assistant’s body. He touches his Father, which surprises Tyler’s Father. For a moment, Father lets down his guard for a moment.
When the Assistant, possessed by Tyler’s ghost, leaves the manor, Tyler is kicked out of his body. Tyler’s ghost cannot leave the manor.
EXT. ROAD – PRESENT DAY (20 YEARS LATER)
A van drives through the woods.
INT. CAR – DAY
A new crop of college kids show up to party for the weekend. We meet Dallas and Lex, paternal half-sisters who don’t get along.
Plus: Socialite Girl, Influencer Girl, Jock, Stoner Kid & Gaymer Kid.
EXT. GENERAL STORE – DAY
The college kids make a stop for booze and snacks.
INT. GENERAL STORE – CONT.
We learn the manor was abandoned for 20 years, sold recently to a wealthy tech guru (Dallas and Lex’s dad). Lex, a true crime fanatic, points out that the caretaker is believed to be the serial killer who was never caught. Lex explains how the disgruntled caretaker killed the kids and ran away with some of Tyler’s father’s money. Going off the grid to avoid being caught.
Dallas is a gullible college girl pushed by her college friends to host a weekend party at her father’s manor.
Lex is a goth 16 y.o. who is secretly tagging along to investigate Tyler’s murder because she’s into true crime and haunted places. Lex inherited her father’s tech genius.
The college kids are warned by a shaggy MYSTERIOUS STORE ATTENDANT about the urban legend: that the Caretaker of the manor is believed to be the killer who was never caught and still roams the woods waiting to strike back. The college kids are the first people going into the manor since it was sold recently.
The college kids dismiss the warning. Lex is intrigued by the Store Attendant.
EXT. MANOR – DAY
Like an ominous ghost, Tyler stares out of the window as the college kids enter the driveway.
INT. MANOR – DAY
Tyler deals with the arrival of the whole group by trying to spook them away, unaware that the killer has entered the manor.
The college kids are too self-absorbed, too high or too lost in their mobile devices to notice Tyler’s attempts at haunting them, but Lex notices something paranormal is going on.
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
It’s night time and the party is getting started. Dallas is irritated by the presence of Lex.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
The stoner kid separates from the group and is murdered by the masked killer inside one of the rooms of the manor that Tyler refuses to walk inside.
4. ACT ONE
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Tyler runs into the killer as the killer leaves the crime scene. Tyler freezes in panic.
The killer walks through Tyler’s ghostly body and after that, the killer stops and seems to notice he’s not alone (although the killer can’t see Tyler).
Tyler fears the killer will somehow get him… But the killer leaves quietly.
INT. ROOM – NIGHT
Tyler is afraid to enter, but once inside: Tyler finds the stoner’s dead body. Tyler takes comfort in knowing the killer can’t hurt a ghost.
The ghost of the stoner kid appears in front of Tyler. Tyler has never seen another ghost or talked to anyone since he became a ghost.
The stoner kid ghost has the ability to know Tyler’s life and how coward he was during the massacre.
Tyler feels guilty about Maddie and the other innocents killed, but he tries to hide/avoid confronting it and says he can’t help the new college kids.
The stoner’s ghost “moves on” to rest in peace in front of Tyler’s eyes.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler now attempts communicating with the drunk college students to WARN THEM but fails.
He tries to scare them to leave, but FAILS.
The college kids separate in small group as the party continues.
Lex interprets Tyler’s increasing communication attempts as paranormal activity and goes further with her investigation.
EXT. MANOR/WOODS – NIGHT
Tyler tries to save Gaymer Kid being chased by the killer outside the manor by flying off over the woods with the very confused Gaymer in his arms…
The confused Gaymer causes Tyler to accidentally drop him into a large wood chipper; that the killer calmly turns on to finish off the job.
The killer has increased “awareness” of a supernatural presence (Tyler). The killer leaves.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler realizes he doesn’t have the skills to defeat the killer. And can’t let this happen again.
Tyler figures out how to speak with Lex using her ghost-hunting app. But the supernatural energy summoned by Tyler to communicate with Lex kills the internet and cellphone service.
Tyler and Lex try warning Dallas and the college kids, who are more concerned about the lack of wifi.
While Tyler is scared of running into the killer. Lex is brave and wants to find the killer in order to stop him.
Tyler learns from Lex what happened to his family after the massacre. He finds out Maddie made it.
Tyler possesses Lex’s body (jumps into her body) to convince her sister Dallas about the serial killer and the ghost.
Dallas doesn’t believe Lex until she sees the killer in action: killing another one of her friends: Influencer Girl.
Now: Dallas, Lex, Socialite Girl and Jock are the only ones left alive.
Tyler points out Jock is just as obnoxious as he was when he was alive.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
The killer chases the kids and Tyler.
After he prevents the killer from killing the sisters, the killer becomes “aware” of Tyler’s presence.
The killer throws a machete at Tyler’s direction. The machete goes through the ghost’s body and lands on the wall. Tyler screams and runs for his “life.” The killer seems to be able to listen to Tyler’s screaming.
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
The kids get in the car. They crash on their way out.
The killer jumps on top of the car, tries stabbing the kids.
Tyler attempts hitting the killer.
The killer is able to grab and hit Tyler. Tyler is confused.
5. MID-POINT
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
The Mysterious General Store Attendant appears and HELPS fight the serial killer, saving Tyler, Dallas and Lex from death. The killer escapes.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
The Store Attendant is Maddie in disguise, now a badass who has lived off-the-grid for the last years.
Tyler is shocked to see Maddie.
Maddie reveals the caretaker is alive and has been been sending her messages all these years, before she went off-the-grid.
INT. MANOR – FLASHBACK
We see college Maddie after Tyler is murdered. Defeating the killer and surviving the massacre.
EXT. MANOR – FLASHBACK
Maddie speaks with the cops next to an ambulance. Maddie explains how the cops assumed the caretaker is the killer and that he was never caught.
Maddie grows up obsessed with the massacre and the killer being out there. This alienates Maddie from everyone, including Charles, Tyler’s half-brother who is seen trying to be close to her.
INT. MANOR – PRESENT TIME
Tyler finds out his father is dead, and regrets not being honest with him.
Maddie is told Tyler is a ghost, which she refuses to believe at first.
Tyler feels pain for the first time since he became a ghost.
Lex deducts the killer has a great emotional power over Tyler and it manifests from Tyler’s fear of him.
Lex performs a seance with Maddie and Dallas. This makes Tyler manifest in front of them.
Maddie cannot believe her eyes. Tyler is in front of her, still a college-boy.
As Tyler gets closer to Maddie (again) and moves even closer towards confronting his guilt, Tyler discovers his ghost body is “moving on” (dissolving into air) like the stoner’s. Tyler realizes he might be able to “rest in peace” if he stops the killer.
Lex and Dallas grow closer as the danger increases. They let down the superficial barriers that have prevented them from getting along. Dallas compliments Lex’s courage.
The killer cuts the power in the manor.
6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Lex discovers the basement is the killer’s den.
There, Lex finds clues about the killer’s identity and motive: Print outs of Lex’s social media posts about true crime and Tyler’s unsolved murder. A box with paparazzi photos of college-age Maddie.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
The killer appears AND kills Jock. The killer chases Lex and Dallas.
Tyler attempts being brave and uses his ghost powers to protect the girls and fight the killer, but the killer still outsmarts him.
Lex saves Dallas. A moment of relief.
The serial killer stabs Lex, killing her instead. Dallas feels guilty.
Tyler wishes “it had been him” instead.
7. CRISIS
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler has failed to protect the college kids. Maddie has also failed after all these years. Dallas gives up on everyone, wishing she was dead instead of Lex.
Tyler can’t confront the guilt, walks away.
INT. ROOM – NIGHT
Tyler enters the room where he was murdered. Maddie follows him.
Tyler finds an old painting of his late father. He apologizes to his father’s painting. The ghost of Father manifests and Tyler admits his mistakes. They get closure. Ghost Dad moves on.
Tyler realizes he cannot longer hide.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Dallas grieves the loss of Lex, becoming a “final girl” determined to stop the killer and avenge her sister and friends. She grabs an axe and looks for the killer.
The killer abducts Dallas.
8. CLIMAX
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler fights the serial killer. But the serial killer can fight back and injure Tyler.
Tyler and Maddie unmask the serial killer. Tyler learns the motive for the original massacre and the anniversary spree.
Tyler’s half-brother Charles was jealous of Tyler’s relationship with Maddie and, discovering he also fantasized of killing people, orchestrated the whole massacre and pinned it on the manor’s caretaker Ivan.
Charles realizes Tyler is a ghost. Charles realizes he needs to “exorcise” Tyler out of his life once and for all.
EXT. MANOR – FLASHBACK
Charles confesses he killed the caretaker during the original massacre and got rid of his body as a plan to frame the disgruntled worker as the killer who finally snapped at Tyler and friends. We see Charles dumping the caretaker’s body in the back of his car before he left the manor.
INT. MANOR – PRESENT TIME
20 years later, Charles didn’t win the love of Maddie before she went into hiding and he spent the whole family fortune in luxuries and bad investments.
But deep down, Charles was so delighted with the memories of his killings at the manor and power he felt doing it, that he kept the manor as his last asset.
He sold the manor to Lex and Dallas’ father and hopes to re-buy it at a lower price after he finishes his new killing spree.
Charles has been obsessed with Maddie all these years. Sending her the messages until she disappeared.
Charles offers Maddie a chance to join him, and help him finish off Dallas and Tyler.
Charles was planning to pin the murders on goth, true-crime obsessed Lex (based on her social media posts about Tyler), but Dallas will do.
Tyler becomes tangible and fights the serial killer with Maddie’s help.
9. RESOLUTION
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer.
Maddie is badly injured.
Tyler apologizes to Maddie for his cowardice.
Maddie dies.
Lex is alive. Lex and Dallas, still bickering, grow closer and become true sisters.
Tyler, freed from his ghost state, and Maddie, her soul appearing like her college years, move on to rest in peace together.
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Armand’s Pass #8: Clichè Busting!
What I learned doing this assignment is… a technique to brainstorm and eliminate cliches in my script. First you choose a scene, then you identify the purpose the scene has for me (the writer) and then brainstorm other ways to accomplish the purpose that are original and fresh. Ask these questions: does it fulfill the purpose? Is it a departure from the cliché? Is it surprising to the audience?
CHOSEN SCENE: Tyler verbally abuses the manor’s caretaker in front of his friends
PURPOSE: To set up the caretaker as the Killer/Red Herring
IDEAS:
The caretaker spies on Tyler and his girlfriend Maddie while they have a private conversation.
The caretaker threatens an arrogant Tyler in front of Maddie
The creepy caretaker takes a Polaroid of Maddie when she’s not looking
The caretaker makes a move on Tyler. Tyler rejects him.
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Armand’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains
SP CHAIN: Tyler has always been a coward. Can he change?
Setup: At the manor, Tyler’s half-brother mocks Tyler for getting kicked out of school. Tyler’s father calls Tyler to let him know he found out he got kicked out of school.
Payoff: After the massacre, ghost Tyler sees his father ordering his staff to shut down the manor. Tyler wishes he could contact him but doesn’t.
Payoff: 20 years later: Tyler finds out his father is dead, and regrets not being honest with him.
Payoff: Tyler finds an old painting of his late father. The ghost of his dad manifests and Tyler admits his mistakes. Ghost Dad moves on.
SP CHAIN: The caretaker is believed to be the killer who got away.
Setup: Tyler humiliates the manor’s ominous-looking caretaker in front of his friends.
Payoff 1: Lex, a true crime fanatic, points out that the caretaker is believed to be the serial killer who was never caught.
Payoff: Lex explains how the disgruntled caretaker killed the kids and ran away with some of Tyler’s father’s money. Going off the grid to avoid being caught.
Payoff: Maddie reveals the caretaker is alive and has been been sending her messages all these years, before she went off-the-grid.
Payoff: Dallas and Lex find a box with photos of Maddie.
Payoff: Tyler’s half-brother confesses he killed the caretaker first during the original massacre and got rid of his body as a plan to frame the disgruntled worker as the killer who finally snapped at Tyler and friends.
SP CHAIN: It’s the 20th anniversary of the original massacre.
Setup: The college kids stop by a general store, on their way to the manor, and are told by a shaggy MYSTERIOUS ATTENDANT about the urban legend: that the killer who was never caught and still roams the woods surrounding the manor. Waiting to strike back. The college kids are the first people going into the
Payoff: the Mysterious General Store Attendant shows up to fight the killer. And reveals to be Maddie in disguise, off the grid for the last few years.
Payoff: The sale of the manor triggered Maddie’s belief that the killer would come back.
Payoff: The killer, Tyler’s half-brother, has been obsessed with Maddie all these years.
SP CHAIN: Dallas wishes Lex was dead/was never born.
Setup: Dallas fights with Lex, wishing she was dead/never born.
Payoff: Lex saves Dallas.
Payoff: Lex is killed. Dallas feels guilty.
Payoff: Dallas becomes a final girl and is ready to fight the killer to avenge Lex.
SP CHAIN: We learn what Tyler can do as a ghost (supernatural abilities: being invisible, levitating/flying poorly, can touch or move some material things, possessing people’s body like the movie Ghost), but we also learn that he is not very good at it.
Setup: Tyler levitates slightly above the floor around the manor.
Payoff: Tyler levitates over the woods with one of the college kids.
Setup: Tyler discovers he can touch some material things with lots of effort and concentration required.
Payoff: Tyler is able to throw things at the Living several times.
Outline
OPENING
EXT. MANOR – SUNSET
Aerial view of the impressive manor in the middle of the forest.
INT. MANOR – CONT.
Tyler, a privileged and arrogant college kid, has invited a group of friends including his girlfriend Maddie to party at his family’s remote summer manor.
Tyler is getting drunk and avoiding telling his intimidating father (and everyone else in his life) that he got kicked out of school.
Tyler argues with his stuck-up half-brother Charles.
Charles knows Tyler’ secret, wonders when Tyler will tell Father what happened at school. Charles tells Ryan that he lacks the courage to own up to the consequences of his actions.
Charles leaves the manor. Tyler is upset, but deep down he knows is the truth.
The odd-looking manor caretaker Ivan tells Tyler his father is on the phone. Tyler sees Charles driving away as he speaks with their father.
Tyler has an opportunity to be honest with his father but he doesn’t…
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
The college kids arrive.
Tyler shows his arrogance by bossing around the mysterious and frightening Ivan in front of his friends, humiliating the man.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
In slasher-film style: A masked serial killer murders all of Tyler’s friends one by one.
Tyler hides as his friends are murdered, making it second-to-last (with Maddie).
2. THE INCITING INCIDENT
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler, totally afraid, is killed (while trying to ditch Maddie and save himself) AND Maddie runs away from the serial killer.
Before we know what happens next: Tyler’s soul becomes “cursed” and he turns into a ghost. The manor’s warm, wood cinematography becomes grey and ominous.
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
We learn what Tyler can do as a ghost (supernatural abilities: being invisible, levitating/flying poorly, can touch or move some material things, possessing people’s body like the movie Ghost), but we also learn that he is not very good at it.
After the massacre, ghost Tyler sees his father ordering to shut down the manor. Tyler wishes he could contact him but he can’t.
Tyler regrets being a coward and not saving Maddie and his friends. But he refuses to visit the parts of the manor where his friends were killed, including the place where he was murdered.
EXT. ROAD – DAY
A VAN drives through the woods.
INT. CAR – DAY
A new crop of college kids show up to party for the weekend. We meet Dallas and Lex, paternal half-sisters who don’t get along.
Plus: Socialite Girl 1 & 2, Jock, Stoner Kid & Gaymer Kid.
EXT. GENERAL STORE – DAY
The college kids make a stop for booze and snacks.
INT. GENERAL STORE – CONT.
We learn the manor was abandoned for 20 years, sold recently to a wealthy tech guru (Dallas and Lex’s dad). Lex, a true crime fanatic, points out that the caretaker is believed to be the serial killer who was never caught.
Dallas is a gullible college girl pushed by her college friends to host a weekend party at her father’s manor.
Lex is a goth 16 y.o. who is secretly tagging along to investigate Tyler’s murder because she’s into true crime and haunted places. Lex inherited her father’s tech genius. Lex explains how the disgruntled caretaker killed the kids and ran away with some of Tyler’s father’s money. Going off the grid to avoid being caught.
The college kids are warned by a shaggy MYSTERIOUS STORE ATTENDANT about the urban legend: that the Caretaker of the manor is believed to be the killer who was never caught and still roams the woods waiting to strike back. The college kids are the first people going into the manor since it was sold recently.
EXT. MANOR – DAY
Like an ominous ghost, Tyler stares out of the window as the college kids enter.
INT. MANOR – DAY
Tyler deals with the arrival of the whole group by trying to spook them away, unaware that the same killer has entered the manor.
The college kids are too self-absorbed to notice Tyler’s attempts at haunting them, but Lex notices something paranormal is going on.
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
It’s night time and the party is getting started. Dallas is irritated by the presence of Lex.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
A stoner kid separates from the group and is murdered by the masked killer inside one of the rooms of the manor that Tyler refuses to walk inside.
4. ACT ONE
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Tyler runs into the killer as the killer leaves the crime scene. Tyler freezes in panic.
The killer walks through Tyler’s ghostly body and after that, the killer stops and seems to notice he’s not alone (although the killer can’t see Tyler).
Tyler fears the killer will somehow get him… But the killer leaves quietly.
INT. ROOM – NIGHT
Tyler is afraid to enter, but once inside: Tyler finds the stoner’s dead body. Tyler takes comfort in knowing the killer can’t hurt a ghost.
The ghost of the stoner kid appears in front of Tyler. Tyler has never seen another ghost or talked to anyone since he became a ghost.
The stoner kid ghost has the ability to know Tyler’s life and how coward he was during the massacre.
Tyler feels guilty about Maddie and the other innocents killed, but he tries to hide/avoid confronting it and says he can’t help the new college kids.
The stoner’s ghost “moves on” to rest in peace in front of Tyler’s eyes.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler now attempts communicating with the drunk college students to WARN THEM but fails.
He tries to scare them to leave, but FAILS.
The college kids separate in small group as the party continues.
Lex interprets Tyler’s increasing communication attempts as paranormal activity and goes further with her investigation.
EXT. MANOR/WOODS – NIGHT
Tyler tries to save one of the college kids being chased by the killer outside the manor by flying off over the woods with the very confused college kid in his arms…
The confused college kid causes Tyler to accidentally drop him into a large wood chipper; that the killer calmly turns on to finish off the job.
The killer has increased “awareness” of a supernatural presence (Tyler). The killer leaves.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler realizes he doesn’t have the skills to defeat the killer. And can’t let this happen again.
Tyler figures out how to speak with Lex using her ghost-hunting app. But the supernatural energy summoned by Tyler to communicate with Lex kills the internet and cellphone service.
Tyler and Lex try warning Dallas and the college kids, who are more concerned about the lack of wifi.
While Tyler is scared of running into the killer. Lex is brave and wants to find the killer in order to stop him.
Tyler learns from Lex what happened to his family after the massacre. He finds out Maddie made it.
Tyler possesses Lex’s body (jumps into her body) to convince her sister Dallas about the serial killer and the ghost.
Dallas doesn’t believe Lex until she sees the killer in action: killing one of her friends: Socialite Girl 2.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
The killer chases Dallas, Lex and Tyler.
After he prevents the killer from killing the sisters, the killer becomes “aware” of Tyler’s presence.
The killer throws a machete at Tyler’s direction. The machete goes through the ghost’s body and lands on the wall. Tyler screams and runs for his “life.” The killer seems to be able to listen to Tyler’s screaming.
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
Dallas and Lex discover the killer slashed the tires of their vehicle. The killer chases Dallas and Lex.
Tyler attempts hitting the killer. The killer is able to momentarily grab and hit Tyler. Tyler is confused.
5. MID-POINT
EXT. MANOR – NIGHT
The Mysterious General Store Attendant appears and HELPS fight the serial killer, saving Tyler, Dallas and Lex from death. The killer escapes.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
The Store Attendant is Maddie in disguise, now a badass who has lived off-the-grid for the last years.
Tyler is shocked to see Maddie.
Maddie reveals the caretaker is alive and has been been sending her messages all these years, before she went off-the-grid.
INT. MANOR – FLASHBACK
We see college Maddie after Tyler is murdered. Defeating the killer and surviving the massacre.
EXT. MANOR – FLASHBACK
Maddie speaks with the cops next to an ambulance. Maddie explains how the cops assumed the caretaker is the killer and that he was never caught.
Maddie grows up obsessed with the massacre and the killer being out there. This alienates Maddie from everyone, including Charles, Tyler’s half-brother who is seen trying to be close to her.
INT. MANOR – PRESENT TIME
Tyler finds out his father is dead, and regrets not being honest with him.
Maddie is told Tyler is a ghost, which she refuses to believe at first.
Tyler feels pain for the first time since he became a ghost.
Lex deducts the killer has a great emotional power over Tyler and it manifests from Tyler’s fear of him.
Lex performs a seance with Maddie and Dallas. This makes Tyler manifest in front of them.
Maddie cannot believe her eyes. Tyler is in front of her, still a college-boy.
As Tyler gets closer to Maddie (again) and moves even closer towards confronting his guilt, Tyler discovers his ghost body is “moving on” (dissolving into air) like the stoner’s. Tyler realizes he might be able to “rest in peace” if he stops the killer.
Lex and Dallas grow closer as the danger increases. They let down the superficial barriers that have prevented them from getting along. Dallas compliments Lex’s courage.
The killer cuts the power in the manor.
6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Lex discovers the basement is the killer’s den.
There, Lex finds clues about the killer’s identity and motive: Print outs of Lex’s social media posts about true crime and Tyler’s unsolved murder. A box with paparazzi photos of college-age Maddie.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
The killer appears and chases Lex and Dallas.
Tyler attempts being brave and uses his ghost powers to protect the girls and fight the killer, but the killer still outsmarts him.
Lex saves Dallas. A moment of relief.
The serial killer stabs Lex, killing her instead. Dallas feels guilty.
Tyler wishes “it had been him” instead.
7. CRISIS
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler has failed to protect the college kids. Maddie has also failed after all these years. Dallas gives up on everyone, wishing she was dead instead of Lex.
Tyler can’t confront the guilt, walks away.
INT. ROOM – NIGHT
Tyler enters the room where he was murdered. Maddie follows him.
Tyler finds an old painting of his late father. He apologizes to his father’s painting. The ghost of Father manifests and Tyler admits his mistakes. They get closure. Ghost Dad moves on.
Tyler realizes he cannot longer hide.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Dallas grieves the loss of Lex, becoming a “final girl” determined to stop the killer and avenge her sister and friends. She grabs an axe and looks for the killer.
The killer abducts Dallas.
8. CLIMAX
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler fights the serial killer. But the serial killer can fight back and injure Tyler.
Tyler and Maddie unmask the serial killer. Tyler learns the motive for the original massacre and the anniversary spree.
Tyler’s half-brother Charles was jealous of Tyler’s relationship with Maddie and, discovering he also fantasized of killing people, orchestrated the whole massacre and pinned it on the manor’s caretaker Ivan.
Charles realizes Tyler is a ghost. Charles realizes he needs to “exorcise” Tyler out of his life once and for all.
EXT. MANOR – FLASHBACK
Charles confesses he killed the caretaker during the original massacre and got rid of his body as a plan to frame the disgruntled worker as the killer who finally snapped at Tyler and friends. We see Charles dumping the caretaker’s body in the back of his car before he left the manor.
INT. MANOR – PRESENT TIME
20 years later, Charles didn’t win the love of Maddie before she went into hiding and he spent the whole family fortune in luxuries and bad investments.
But deep down, Charles was so delighted with the memories of his killings at the manor and power he felt doing it, that he kept the manor as his last asset.
He sold the manor to Lex and Dallas’ father and hopes to re-buy it at a lower price after he finishes his new killing spree.
Charles has been obsessed with Maddie all these years. Sending her the messages until she disappeared.
Charles offers Maddie a chance to join him, and help him finish off Dallas and Tyler.
Charles was planning to pin the murders on goth, true-crime obsessed Lex (based on her social media posts about Tyler), but Dallas will do.
Tyler becomes tangible and fights the serial killer with Maddie’s help.
9. RESOLUTION
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer.
Maddie is badly injured.
Tyler apologizes to Maddie for his cowardice.
Maddie dies.
Lex is alive. Lex and Dallas, still bickering, grow closer and become true sisters.
Tyler, freed from his ghost state, and Maddie, her soul appearing like her college years, move on to rest in peace together.
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Day 12: Subplots That Have Meaning!
Armand’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning
Identify the subplots that have naturally emerged in your story and tell us the beginning, middle, and end of each, like I did above with the English Bob subplot.
Why is the killer murdering college kids (now and then)?
Beginning: The masked killer murders Tyler. Tyler makes eye contact with the killer before he dies and becomes a ghost.
Middle: ?
End: The killer’s motive is revealed: ?
Tyler and Maddie’s love story
Beginning: In the Opening: Tyler ditches Maddie, trying to save himself. Tyler gets killed, assuming Maddie is dead. Tyler looks for Maddie and his friends in the manor, realizing he is the only one who became a ghost.
Middle: Tyler discovers Maddie is alive. Tyler learns Maddie never told anyone how cowardly Tyler acted on the night of the massacre, which surprises Tyler.
End: Tyler apologizes to Maddie, owning up it to his guilt. With the killer defeated, Tyler and Maddie “move on” to rest in peace together.
Lex and Tyler’s friendship
Beginning: Lex uses her ghost-hunting app to communicate with Tyler. Lex is not afraid of ghosts.
Middle: Tyler and Lex bond. When the killer closes in on them and danger becomes real, Tyler tries to comfort her.
End: Lex doesn’t run away from her fear, saves Dallas as the killer attacks her. Gets killed.
Lex and Dallas, the half-sisters who don’t get along
Beginning: Lex and Dallas arrive to the manor. The only thing they have in common is that they share the same father.
Middle: Lex and Dallas grow closer as the danger increases, letting down the superficial barriers that have prevented them from getting along. Dallas compliments Lex’s courage.
End: Lex is stabbed by the killer, saving Dallas’ life.
Dallas grieves, becoming a “final girl” determined to stop the killer and avenge her sister and friends. Lex survives. Dallas and Lex grow closer and become true sisters.
Pick one subplot (or more) you’d like to improve and answer the question, “How can I make this more meaningful or emotional for my lead character?”
THE SERIAL KILLER SUBPLOT
Beginning: The masked killer murders Tyler. Tyler makes eye contact with the killer before he dies and becomes a ghost.
Middle: The killer shares a growing supernatural link with Tyler.
End: The killer’s motive is revealed: Tyler’s half-brother was jealous of Tyler’s relationship with Maddie and, discovering he also fantasized of killing people all his life, orchestrated the whole massacre and pinned it on the manor’s caretaker (who was never found alive because he killed and his body never found). 20 years later, Tyler’s half-brother didn’t win the love of Maddie before she went into hiding and he spent the whole family fortune in luxuries and bad investments. But the killer was so delighted with the memories of his killings in the manor, that he kept the manor as his last asset. He sold the manor to Lex and Dallas’ father recently and hopes to re-buy it at a lower price after he finishes his new killing spree.
Outline
1. OPENING
In slasher-film style: Tyler, a privileged and arrogant college kid, has invited a group of friends including his girlfriend Maddie to party at his family’s remote summer manor. Tyler is avoiding telling his intimidating father (and everyone else in his life) that he got kicked out of school.
Tyler speaks with his stuck-up half-brother. The half-brother knows Tyler’s secret, wondering when Tyler will tell their father what happened at school. They argue, the half-brother tells Ryan that he lacks the courage to confront danger or pain.
The half-brother leaves the manor. The college kids arrive.
Tyler gets drunk, he shows his arrogance by bossing around the mysterious and frightening caretaker in front of his friends.
A masked serial killer murders all of Tyler’s friends one by one. Tyler hides as his friends are murdered, making it second-to-last (with Maddie).
2. THE INCITING INCIDENT
Tyler, totally afraid, is killed (while trying to ditch Maddie and save himself) AND Maddie runs away from the serial killer.
Before we know what happens next: Tyler’s soul becomes “cursed” and he turns into a ghost.
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
We learn what Tyler can do as a ghost (supernatural abilities: being invisible, levitating/flying poorly, can touch or move some material things, possessing people’s body like the movie Ghost), but we also learn that he is not very good at it.
Tyler regrets being a coward and not saving Maddie and his friends. But he refuses to visit the parts of the manor where his friends were killed, including the place where he was murdered.
We learn the manor was abandoned for 20 years, sold recently to a wealthy tech guru.
A new crop of college kids show up to party for the weekend. We meet Dallas and Lex, paternal half-sisters who don’t get along.
Dallas is a gullible college girl pushed by her college friends to host a weekend party at her father’s manor. Lex is a goth 16 y.o. who is secretly tagging along to investigate Tyler’s murder because she’s into true crime and haunted places. Lex inherited her father’s tech genius.
Tyler deals with the arrival of the whole group by trying to spook them away, unaware that the same killer has entered the manor.
The college kids are too self-absorbed to notice Tyler’s attempts at haunting them, but Lex notices something paranormal is going on.
A stoner kid separates from the group and is murdered by the masked killer inside one of the rooms of the manor that Tyler refuses to walk inside.
4. ACT ONE
Tyler runs into the killer as the killer leaves the crime scene. Tyler freezes in panic.
The killer walks through Tyler’s ghostly body and after that, the killer stops and seems to notice he’s not alone (although the killer can’t see Tyler).
Tyler fears the killer will somehow get him… But the killer leaves quietly.
Tyler is afraid to enter the room, but once inside: Tyler finds the stoner’s dead body. Tyler takes comfort in knowing the killer can’t hurt a ghost.
The ghost of the stoner kid appears in front of Tyler. Tyler has never seen another ghost or talked to anyone since he became a ghost.
The stoner kid ghost has the ability to know Tyler’s life and how coward he was during the massacre. Tyler feels guilty about Maddie and the other innocents killed, but he tries to hide/avoid confronting it and says he can’t help the new college kids.
The stoner’s ghost “moves on” to rest in peace in front of Tyler’s eyes.
Tyler now attempts communicating with the college students to WARN THEM but fails. He tries to scare them to leave, but FAILS. Lex interprets Tyler’s increasing communication attempts as paranormal activity and goes further with her investigation.
Tyler tries to save one of the college kids being chased by the killer outside the manor by flying off with the (very confused) college kid in his arms… The confused college kid causes Tyler to accidentally drop him into a large wood chipper; that the killer calmly turns on to finish off the job.
The killer leaves, but has increased “awareness” of Tyler’s supernatural presence.
Tyler realizes he doesn’t have the skills to defeat the killer. And can’t let this happen again.
Tyler figures out how to speak with Lex using her ghost-hunting app. But the process kills the internet and cellphone service.
Tyler and Lex try warning Dallas and the college kids, who are more concerned about the lack of wifi.
While Tyler is scared of running into the killer. Lex is brave and wants to find the killer in order to stop him.
Tyler learns from Lex what happened to his family after the massacre. He finds out Maddie made it.
Tyler possesses Lex’s body (jumps into her body) to convince her sister Dallas about the serial killer and the ghost.
Dallas doesn’t believe Lex until she sees the killer in action: killing one of her friends.
The killer chases Dallas, Lex and Tyler.
After he prevents the killer from killing the sisters, the killer becomes “aware” of the ghost’s presence in the room.
The killer throws a machete at the ghost’s direction. The machete goes through the ghost’s body and lands on the wall. Tyler screams and runs for his “life.” The killer seems to be able to listen to Tyler’s screaming.
Dallas and Lex discover the killer slashed the tires of their vehicle. The killer chases Dallas and Lex.
Tyler attempts hitting the killer. The killer is able to momentarily hit Tyler.
5. MID-POINT
Adult Maddie, now a badass, appears and HELPS fight the serial killer, saving Tyler, Dallas and Lex from death. Lex deducts the killer has a great power over Tyler and it manifests from Tyler’s fear of him.
In a flashback/montage: we see college Maddie after Tyler is murdered. Defeating the killer, who is never caught by the cops. Maddie grows up obsessed with the massacre and the killer being out there. This alienates Maddie from everyone, including Tyler’s half-brother.
Lex performs a seance with Maddie and Dallas. This makes Tyler manifest.
As Tyler grows closer with Maddie and moves closer towards confronting his guilt, Tyler discovers his ghost body is “moving on” (dissolving into air) like the stoner’s. Tyler realizes he might be able to “rest in peace” if he stops the killer.
Lex and Dallas grow closer as the danger increases. They let down the superficial barriers that have prevented them from getting along. Dallas compliments Lex’s courage.
The killer cuts the power in the manor.
6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
Lex discovers the basement is the killer’s den. There she finds a clue about the killer’s identity. The killer appears and chases Lex and Dallas.
Tyler attempts being brave and uses his ghost powers to fight the killer, but the killer still outsmarts him.
Lex saves Dallas. The serial killer stabs Lex, killing her instead. Tyler wishes “it had been him” instead.
7. CRISIS
Tyler has failed to protect the college kids. Maddie has also failed after all these years. Dallas gives up on everyone, wishing she was dead instead of Lex.
Tyler can’t confront the guilt, walks away. He enters the room where he was murdered. Maddie follows him.
Dallas grieves, becoming a “final girl” determined to stop the killer and avenge her sister and friends. She looks for the killer. The killer abducts Dallas.
8. CLIMAX
Tyler and Maddie unmask the serial killer and learn the motive for the original massacre and the anniversary spree.
Tyler’s half-brother was jealous of Tyler’s relationship with Maddie and, discovering he also fantasized of killing people, orchestrated the whole massacre and pinned it on the manor’s caretaker. 20 years later, Tyler’s half-brother didn’t win the love of Maddie before she went into hiding and he spent the whole family fortune in luxuries and bad investments. But the killer was so delighted with the memories of his killings at the manor, that he kept the manor as his last asset. He sold the manor to Lex and Dallas’ father and hopes to re-buy it at a lower price after he finishes his new killing spree.
The killer was planning to pin the murders on goth Lex, but Dallas will do.
Tyler becomes tangible and fights the serial killer with Maddie’s help.
9. RESOLUTION
Lex is alive. Lex and Dallas, still bickering, grow closer and become true sisters.
Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer.
Maddie is badly injured. Tyler apologizes to Maddie for his cowardice.
Maddie dies. Tyler, freed from his ghost state, and Maddie, her soul appearing like her college years, move on to rest in peace together.
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Armand’s Pass #5: Action / Reaction
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…
A solid technique to build more conflict and emotion into the Second Act.
Tell us the following:
– Concept:
A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered must save a group of college kids from impending death when the masked killer who was never caught returns for an anniversary spree.
– Protagonist Goal:
Save the college kids from being murdered too.
– Protagonist Character Arc:
What he wants: To stop the serial killer from murdering the college kids
What he needs: to admit his mistakes and confront his fear
Old trait: Coward/scared
Changed to: Brave
– Main Conflict:
Can Tyler, the ghost (with Maddie the final girl’s help), save this new group of college kids from being killed like he was years ago.
2. Create the Action/Reaction Events chart for your story and list it.
Tyler, the ghost
Protagonist / Antagonist
Warn the college kids / Slash the tires of the college kids’ vehicle
Warn the college kids / Cut the power in the manor
Try saving a college kid early on / Realizing the ghost is interfering with his killings
Possess Lex’s body to warn Dallas / Chase Dallas and Lex
Save Dallas and Lex with Maddie’s help / Kill all remaining college kids
Attempt killing the killer with his powers / Become immune to the ghost’s powers
Help the college kids run away / Kill Lex in the process
Become tangible/visible to fight the killer / Kill Maddie
3. Make a list of the emotional moments the Protagonist will go through that will cause him or her to face the change they need to make.
After he stops the killer from killing a college kid, the killer becomes “aware” of the ghost’s presence in the room. The killer throws a machete at the ghost’s direction. The machete goes through the ghost’s body and hits the wall, but the ghost runs away afraid for his “life.”
For the first time: the ghost enters the room where he was murdered.
Lex is brave and wants to stop the killer. The ghost tries to convince Lex to grab her sister and leave right away.
Dallas blames the ghost for Lex’s death. The ghost can’t confront the guilt and says nothing.
The ghost apologizes to Maddie for his cowardice.
4. Place the actions you like from #2 and emotional moments from #3 in your current outline — and list the outline.
Outline
1. OPENING
In slasher-film style: Tyler, a privileged and arrogant college kid, has invited a group of friends including his girlfriend Maddie to party at his family’s remote summer manor.
A masked serial killer kills all of Tyler’s friends one by one. Tyler hides as his friends are murdered, making it second-to-last (with Maddie).
2. THE INCITING INCIDENT
Tyler, totally afraid, is killed (while trying to ditch Maddie and save himself) AND Maddie runs away from the serial killer.
Before we know what happens next: Tyler’s soul becomes “cursed” and he turns into a ghost.
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
We learn what Tyler can do as a ghost (supernatural abilities: being invisible, levitating/flying poorly, can touch or move some material things, possessing people’s body like the movie Ghost), but we also learn that he is not very good at it.
Tyler regrets being a coward and not saving Maddie and his friends. But he refuses to visit the parts of the manor where his friends were killed, including the place where he was murdered.
We learn the manor was abandoned for 20 years, sold recently to a wealthy tech businessman.
A new crop of college kids show up to party for the weekend. We meet Dallas and Lex, paternal half-sisters who don’t get along. Dallas is a gullible college girl pushed by her college friends to host a weekend party at her father’s manor. Lex is a goth 16 y.o. who is secretly tagging along to investigate Tyler’s murder because she’s into true crime and haunted places. She also has her father’s tech genius.
Tyler deals with the arrival of the whole group trying to spook them away, unaware the killer has entered the manor.
The college kids are too self-absorbed to notice Tyler’s attempts at haunting them, but Lex notices something is going on.
A stoner kid drifts separates from the group and is murdered by the masked killer inside one of the rooms of the manor that Tyler refuses to go inside.
4. (FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF) ACT ONE
Tyler runs into the killer as the killer leaves the crime scene. Tyler freezes in panic.
The killer walks through Tyler’s ghostly body and after that, the killer stops and seems to notice he’s not alone (although the killer can’t see Tyler).
Tyler fears the killer will somehow get him… But the killer leaves quietly.
Tyler is afraid to enter the room, but once inside: Tyler finds the stoner’s dead body. Tyler takes comfort in knowing the killer can’t hurt HIM anymore.
The ghost of the stoner kid appears in front of Tyler. Tyler has never seen another ghost or talked to anyone since he became a ghost.
The stoner kid ghost has the ability to know Tyler’s life and how coward he was during the massacre. Tyler feels guilty about Maddie and the other innocents killed but tries to hide/avoid confronting it and says he can’t help the new college kids.
The stoner’s ghost “moves on” to rest in peace in front of Tyler’s eyes.
Tyler now attempts communicating with the college students to WARN THEM but fails. He tries to scare them to leave, but FAILS. Lex interprets Tyler’s increasing communication attempts as paranormal activity and goes further with her investigation.
Tyler tries to save one of the college kids being chased by the killer outside the manor by flying off with the (very confused) college kid… The confused college kid causes Tyler to accidentally drop him into a large wood chipper; that the killer calmly turns on to finish off the job. The killer leaves, but has increased “awareness” of Tyler’s supernatural presence.
Tyler realizes he doesn’t have the skills to defeat the killer. And can’t let this happen again.
Tyler figures out how to speak with Lex using her ghost-hunting app. But the process kills the internet and cellphone service.
Tyler and Lex try warning Dallas and the college kids. While Tyler is scared of running into the killer. Lex is brave and wants to find the killer in order to stop him.
Tyler possesses Lex’s body (jumps into her body) to convince her sister Dallas about the serial killer and the ghost.
Dallas doesn’t believe Lex until she sees the killer in action: killing one of her friends.
The killer chases Dallas, Lex and Tyler.
After he prevents the killer from killing the sisters, the killer becomes “aware” of the ghost’s presence in the room. The killer throws a machete at the ghost’s direction. The machete goes through the ghost’s body and lands on the wall. Tyler screams and runs for his “life.”
Dallas and Lex discover the killer slashed the tires of the college kids’ vehicle. The killer corners Dallas and Lex.
Tyler attempts hitting the killer. The killer is able to momentarily hit Tyler. Lex deducts the killer has a great power over Tyler and it manifests from Tyler’s fear of him.
5. MID-POINT
Adult Maddie, now a badass, appears and HELPS fight the serial killer, saving Tyler, Dallas and Lex from death.
In a flashback/montage: we see college Maddie after Tyler is murdered. Defeating the killer, who is never caught by the cops. Maddie grows up obsessed with the massacre and the killer being out there. This alienates Maddie from everyone.
Tyler reconnect with Maddie using the ghost-hunting app.
Lex discovers a clue to the killer’s identity.
As Tyler grows closer with Maddie and moves closer towards confronting his guilt, Tyler discovers his ghost body is “moving on” (dissolving into air) like the stoner’s. Tyler realizes he might be able to “rest in peace” if he stops the killer.
The killer cuts the power in the manor.
6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
Tyler attempts being brave and uses his ghost powers to fight the killer, but the killer still outsmarts him.
The serial killer stabs Lex, killing her.
7. CRISIS
Tyler has failed to protect the college kids. Maddie has also failed after all these years. Dallas gives up on everyone, wishing she was dead instead of Lex.
Tyler can’t confront the guilt, walks away. He enters the room where he was murdered. Maddie follows him.
Dallas looks for the killer. The killer abducts her.
8. CLIMAX
Tyler and Maddie unmask the serial killer and learn the motive for the original massacre and the anniversary spree.
Tyler becomes visible/tangible and fights the serial killer with Maddie’s help.
9. RESOLUTION
Lex is alive. Lex and Dallas, still bickering, grow closer and become true sisters.
Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer.
The ghost apologizes to Maddie for his cowardice.
But Maddie also dies in the process. Tyler, freed from his ghost state, and Maddie, her soul appearing like her college years, move on to rest in peace together.
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Armand’s NQ 3 and 4
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…
I liked the clear connection between Dilemma and Main Conflict, and how we could use these questions to improve Act 2-3.
Concept.
A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered must save a group of college kids from impending death when the masked killer who was never caught returns for an anniversary spree.
2. Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:
Tyler, the ghost, faces two choices: To allow the serial killer to “win again” without interfering and “live” with the guilt of letting more innocent college kids die OR Intervene, having to confront his biggest fear and fail anyway.
How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?
When Tyler discovers the masked serial killer has returned and the house is full of college kids, he freaks out. He takes comfort in knowing the killer can’t hurt HIM anymore but he soon feels guilty by thinking of Maddie and his friends killed in the past, and now Tyler sets out to do something.
Tyler attempts communicating with the college students to warn them but fails.
Tyler realizes Lex, who is a goth into true crime and paranormal events, can communicate with him using her ghost-hunting app.
Tyler wants to communicate to Lex to “get out” but the paranormal activity entices Lex instead.
These miscommunications with Lex push Tyler to intervene more, including trying to save a college kid from the killer.
B. How are both sides of the issue built up?
Tyler is scared of the serial killer’s return to the manor, vowing to not interfere while the massacre will take place. By interfering and trying to save the college kids early on: the killer becomes aware of a supernatural presence (Tyler). To the point that later on, it seems like the killer can see Tyler’s ghost.
C. When does the protagonist make the choice?
When he fails to save the college kid killed in the wood chipper, Tyler realizes he doesn’t have the skills to defeat the killer. And can’t let this happen again.
D. What do they lose in making that choice?
Tyler loses the “life” as a lonely ghost he’s used to. And he cannot longer avoid confronting his guilt.
3. Tell us your Theme and the answers to these questions:
Sooner or later, you must confront your fears in order to move on.
What are both sides of your theme?
Side 1: You can move on by avoiding your fears
Side 2: You can only move on if you face your fears
B. How will both sides show up throughout your story?
Tyler is a ghost who doesn’t need to confront his guilt, to the point that he purposefully avoids the part of the manor where he saw his friends being killed.
Tyler is a ghost trapped in the manor with his guilt, unable or (deep down) unwilling to move on.
But after failing to protect Lex and the college kids, Tyler realizes he can’t be a coward anymore.
C. How does the climax of the story demand your message?
Tyler realizes he could move on and rest in peace if he stops the killer once and for all.
Outline
1. OPENING
In slasher-film style: Tyler, a privileged college kid, has invited a group of friends including his girlfriend Maddie to party at his family’s remote summer manor.
A masked serial killer kills all of Tyler’s friends one by one. Tyler hides as his friends are murdered, making it second-to-last (with Maddie).
2. THE INCITING INCIDENT
Tyler, totally afraid, is killed (while trying to ditch Maddie and save himself) AND Maddie runs away from the serial killer.
Before we know what happens next: Tyler’s soul becomes “cursed” and he turns into a ghost.
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
We learn what Tyler can do as a ghost (supernatural abilities: being invisible, levitating/flying poorly, can touch or move some material things), but we also learn that he is not very good at it. Tyler regrets being a coward and not saving Maddie and his friends. But he refuses to visit the parts of the manor where his friends were killed, including the place where he was murdered.
We learn the manor was abandoned for 20 years, sold recently to a wealthy businessman.
A new crop of college kids show up to party for the weekend. We meet Dallas and Lex, paternal half-sisters who don’t get along. Dallas is a gullible college girl pushed by her college friends to host a weekend party at her father’s manor. Lex is a goth 16 y.o. who is secretly tagging along to investigate Tyler’s murder because she’s into true crime and haunted places.
Tyler deals with the arrival of the whole group, unaware the killer has entered the manor.
A stoner kid is murdered by the masked killer.
4. (FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF) ACT ONE
Tyler runs into the killer as the killer leaves the crime scene. Tyler panics.
The killer walks through Tyler’s ghostly body and seems to notice he’s not alone. Tyler fears the killer will somehow get him… But the killer leaves quietly.
Tyler finds the victim’s dead body inside the room a friend of Tyler’s was killed 20 years ago. Tyler is afraid to enter that room, but once inside: Tyler takes comfort in knowing the killer can’t hurt HIM anymore.
The ghost of the stoner kid who just got killed appears in front of Tyler. Tyler has never seen another ghost or talked to anyone else since he became a ghost. The stoner ghost has the ability to know Tyler’s life and how coward he was. Tyler feels guilty about Maddie and the other innocents who were killed but he says he can’t help the new college kids.
The stoner’s ghost “moves on” to rest in peace in front of Tyler’s eyes.
Tyler attempts communicating with the college students to WARN THEM but fails. He tries to scare them to leave, but FAILS. Lex interprets Tyler’s increasing communication attempts as paranormal activity and goes further with her investigation.
Tyler tries to save one of the college kids being chased by the killer outside the manor by flying off with the (very confused) college kid… The confused college kid causes Tyler to accidentally drop him into a large wood chipper; that the killer calmly turns on to finish off the job. The killer leaves, but has “awareness” of (someone) Tyler’s presence.
Tyler realizes he doesn’t have the skills to defeat the killer as a ghost. And can’t let this happen again.
Tyler figures out how to speak with Lex using her ghost-hunting app. Tyler and Lex try warning Dallas and the college kids.
Tyler and Lex try looking for the killer in order to stop him. Lex is brave, while Tyler is scared of running into the killer.
Dallas doesn’t believe Lex until she sees the killer in action: killing one of her friends.
5. MID-POINT
Adult Maddie, now a badass, appears and HELPS fight the serial killer, saving Dallas from death.
Tyler re-connects with Maddie.
Lex discovers a clue to the killer’s identity.
As Tyler grows closer with Maddie and reconsiders his guilt, Tyler discovers his ghost body is “moving on” like the stoner’s. Tyler realizes he might be able to “rest in peace” if he stops the killer.
6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
The serial killer kills Lex.
7. CRISIS
Tyler has failed to protect the college kids. Maddie has also failed after all these years. Dallas gives up on everyone, wishing she was dead instead of Lex.
8. CLIMAX
Tyler and Maddie fight the serial killer. They unmask the serial killer and learn the motive for the original massacre and the anniversary spree.
9. RESOLUTION
Lex is alive. Lex and Dallas, still bickering, grow closer and become true sisters.
Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer. But Maddie also dies in the process. Tyler, freed from his ghost state, and Maddie, her soul appearing like her college years, move on to rest in peace together.
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Armand’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2.
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…?
Finding new ways to elevate the dramatic question and the main conflict in our plot/story.
1. Tell us your concept.
A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered must save a group of college kids from impending death when the masked killer who was never caught returns for an anniversary spree.
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
Can Tyler, the ghost, stop history from repeating itself and prevent another massacre?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
By Page 10, we know Tyler is a ghost and the “abilities” he possesses as a supernatural entity and how they manifest in the world of the living. We also learn the killer has returned with a first present day kill that happens as the college kids are settling into the manor.
The issue is that Tyler is not very good at being a ghost, and the use of his abilities while trying to protect victims backfires in ways that literally help the relentlessly violent masked killer finish off his victims.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
Tyler’s cowardly behavior keeps showing up, and when he tries to help potential victims at first, his attempts backfire because he doesn’t use his ghost abilities properly. For example: early on Tyler tries to save one of the college kids being chased by the killer outside the manor, by grabbing and flying off with a (very confused) college kid… only to accidentally drop the college kid into a large wood chipper; that the killer calmly turns on to finish off the college kid.
The killer is shown being incredibly effective in his kills throughout.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
In the 3rd Act by the Climax, when the serial killer is unmasked and defeated by Tyler and Maddie.
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
Can Tyler, the ghost, and Maddie, the final girl, save this new group of college kids from being killed?
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
When both Tyler and Maddie fail to stop the killer from murdering the first college kids.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
Killer starts killing off the college kids in the present day
Tyler fails at saving the college kids.
Maddie fights off the killer while he is attacking a college kid, but the victim still dies
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
One of our main characters, one of the sisters, is killed. Tyler and Maddie failed.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
The sister is not really dead. Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer. Maddie dies in the process. Her soul and Tyler, now freed, go on to rest in peace.
Outline
1. OPENING
In slasher-film style: Tyler, a privileged college kid, has invited a group of friends including his girlfriend Maddie to party at his family’s remote summer manor.
A masked serial killer kills all of Tyler’s friends one by one. Tyler hides as his friends are murdered, making it second-to-last (with Maddie).
2. THE INCITING INCIDENT
Tyler, totally afraid, is killed (while trying to ditch Maddie and save himself) AND Maddie runs away from the serial killer.
Before we know what happens next: Tyler’s soul becomes “cursed” and he turns into a ghost.
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
We learn what Tyler can do as a ghost (supernatural abilities), but we also learn that he is not very good using them. Tyler regrets being a coward and not saving Maddie and his friends.
We learn the manor was abandoned for 20 years, sold recently to a wealthy businessman.
A new crop of college kids show up to party for the weekend. We meet Dallas and Lex, half-sisters of different trophy wives who don’t get along.
4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE
Tyler realizes the serial killer is back! Tyler tries to save one of the college kids being chased by the killer outside the manor by flying off with a (very confused) college kid who can’t see Tyler and does not understand how he is flying… The confused college kid causes Tyler to accidentally drop him into a large wood chipper; that the killer calmly turns on to finish off the job.
Tyler needs help. He figures out how to communicate with Lex. Tyler and Lex try stopping the killer.
Dallas doesn’t believe Lex until she sees the killer in action with her own eyes.
5. MID-POINT
Adult Maddie, now a badass, appears and HELPS fight the serial killer. Tyler re-connects with Maddie.
6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
The serial killer kills Lex.
7. CRISIS
Tyler has failed to protect the college kids. Dallas gives up, wishing she was dead instead of Lex.
8. CLIMAX
Tyler and Maddie fight the serial killer. They unmask the serial killer and learn the motive for the original massacre and the anniversary spree.
9. RESOLUTION
Lex is alive. Lex and Dallas, still bickering, grow closer and become true sisters.
Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer. But Maddie also dies in the process. Tyler, freed from his ghost state, and Maddie, her soul appearing like her college age, move on to rest in peace together.
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Hello! If anyone stills needs feedback, please consider critiquing my assignment and I’ll happily reciprocate promptly.
Request for Feedback Exchange
Armand’s SLW Version 1
A. Concept:
A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered must save a group of college kids from impending death, when the killer who was never caught returns for an anniversary spree.
B. Plot Choice:
Metamorphosis: The story begins with the ghost trapped in his “afterlife” rituals. He discovers Maddie (the girl he loved and final girl from the opening killing spree) is alive by Act 2, and the ghost evolves throughout the story from coward to courageous. By the end of the story, the ghost is “freed” and can go on to rest in peace.
C. Character Structure: Protagonist versus Antagonist.
The ghost is our hero. But he is a coward. The girl he loved, who is the final girl from the opening killing spree, is the force of change when she reappears as a badass survivor who has been waiting on the killer to return to stop him.
D. Lead Characters (*Name* is an *identity* who *does X in the story*.):
My protagonist is Tyler: an entitled, cowardly college kid who became a ghost after a slasher-type massacre and now has to save a new batch of college kids when his killer returns.
My antagonist is Maddie, Tyler’s college girlfriend who survived the opening scene killing spree and has grown obsessed with the never-caught-killer’s return. Maddie has been secretly waiting for the killer to strike back convinced she can stop him now.
There are also two half-sisters who don’t get along: Dallas. The college girl pushed by her friends to organize a party at her family’s vacation summer manor (Tyler’s haunted place). And Lex. Dallas’s 16 y.o. goth sister who is really into true crime and murders. She’s secretly tagged along with her sister and college friends to research Tyler’s murder.
E. Dramatic Question: Can Tyler the ghost stop history from repeating itself and prevent another massacre?
F. Main Conflict: Can Tyler, the ghost, and Maddie, the final girl, save this new group of college kids from being killed?
G. Dilemma: Tyler faces these choices: To allow the serial killer to “win again” without interfering and “live” with the guilt of letting more innocent college kids die OR Intervene, having to confront his biggest fear and… fail anyway.
H. Theme: Sooner or later, you must confront your fears in order to move on.
I. Character Arc of Lead Character (if any): Tyler, the ghost, goes from being a coward to a brave hero who saves the day.
2. Post the current version of your outline:
1. OPENING
In slasher-film style: Tyler, a privileged college jerk, has invited a group of friends including his girlfriend Maddie to party at his family’s remote summer manor.
A masked serial killer kills all of Tyler’s friends one by one. Tyler hides as his friends are murdered, making it second-to-last (with Maddie).
2. THE INCITING INCIDENT
Tyler, totally scared, is killed (while trying to ditch Maddie and save himself) AND Maddie runs away from the serial killer. Before we know what happens next: Tyler’s soul becomes “cursed” and he turns into a ghost. Tyler regrets being a coward and not saving Maddie and his friends. We learned the manor was abandoned for 20 years…
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
A new crop of college kids show up to party for the weekend. We meet Dallas and Lex, half-sisters of different trophy wives who don’t get along. We know the ghost’s afterlife is disturbed by the college kids’ arrival and we discover the KILLER is going to strike again.
4. FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE
Tyler realizes the serial killer is back when one of the ensemble college kids is murdered early on. Tyler attempts stopping the serial killer, but he is a ghost who can’t materialize or touch the killer so he fails. Tyler communicates with Lex using a Ouija app. Tyler and Lex try to convince the other kids of the killer’s return.
5. MID-POINT
Adult Maddie, now a badass a la Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween, appears and HELPS fight the serial killer. Tyler re-connects with Maddie a la “Ghost.”
6. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
The serial killer kills Dallas, Lex’s sister.
7. CRISIS
Tyler has failed to protect the college kids. The killer will win unless Tyler stops him.
8. CLIMAX
Tyler and Maddie fight the serial killer.
9. RESOLUTION
Tyler and Maddie defeat the killer. But Maddie dies in the process. Tyler, freed from his ghost state, and Maddie’s souls move on to rest in peace together.
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Armand’s Pass 2: Story Logic Web
STEP 3
It is “If Component A is _________,” then that might change Component B to _________.”
If the latest CONCEPT is the ghost haunting the house where he was murdered. The backstory is that the massacre (slasher film-style) took place at his family’s summer home. And all his friends were killed as he tried and failed to save them from the serial killer. Then, the protagonist was killed (second to last) and he died feeling guilty without knowing whatever happened to his girlfriend Maddie.
So if the ghost discovers Maddie is alive by Act 2, this alleviates some of the guilt he may feel. Then, changes must be made to old CHARACTER ARC:
NEW Character Arc: Tyler goes from being a selfish jerk who let his friends die to a brave hero who saves the day.
Tyler (the ghost) and Maddie (the final girl) didn’t have an easy 20 years, mainly because it was so lonely for both of them. When Maddie survived the first killing spree, she became reclusive and traumatized by the death of Tyler and her friends. The killer was never found. And she became a vigilante off the grid, convinced the killer may strike again. Tyler didn’t grow old, he stayed a selfish college kid as a ghost, lonely and also traumatized by his last moments alive.
So if reunited by Midpoint, there’s no going back for Tyler and Maddie in their pursuit of stopping the killer.
Also, if Maddie may die by the end of the film aiding Tyler save the day. Her soul, in college-age form, could go on and rest in peace with Tyler’s.
————— Draft Two of My Story Logic Web —————-
Concept: A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered must save a group of college kids from impending death when the masked killer who was never caught returns for an anniversary spree.
Characters:
Protagonist: Tyler. The rich, entitled college kid who was murdered by a masked serial killer and became a ghost who blames himself for the death of his friends twenty years ago.
Antagonist: Maddie. The original “final girl” and the young college woman Tyler loved when he was alive. Maddie survived the serial killer’s original spree. Twenty years later, now as an adult living off the grid, Maddie has been secretly waiting for the killer to strike back convinced she can stop him.
Supporting: Dallas. In the present: The college girl pushed by her friends to organize a party at her family’s vacation summer manor.
Supporting: Lex. Dallas’s 16 y.o. goth sister who is into true crime and murders. She’s secretly tagged along with her sister and college friends to research Tyler’s murder.
Supporting: The masked serial killer returning.
Plot:
Metamorphosis: The story begins with the ghost trapped in his “afterlife” rituals. He discovers Maddie is alive, and evolves throughout the story, By the end of the story, the ghost is “freed” and can go on to rest in peace.
Character Arc: Tyler goes from being an entitled jerk who feels guilty and refuses to confront his haunted past to a more mature and happier young man with accountability.
Part to be changed: He’s haunted by his past actions and can’t let go.
Biggest fear: That his mistakes will hurt people again.
Completion of arc: Becomes accountable and moves on/rests in peace.
Main Conflict: Can Tyler the ghost save this new batch of college kids from being killed?
Dramatic Question: Can Tyler the ghost stop history from repeating itself and prevent another massacre?
Dilemma: Tyler faces these choices: To allow the serial killer to “win again” without interfering and “live” with the guilt of letting more innocent college kids die OR Intervene, having to confront his biggest fear and fail anyway.
Theme: You need to accept your past in order to move on.
My evaluation: I like the incorporation of Maddie. I think the idea of the ghost trying to protect the college kids with his supernatural powers could be funny. At the same time, it creates the obstacle on how is a ghost going to do it?
————— Draft One of My Story Logic Web —————-
In Step 1, you are simply taking a look at your current Story Logic Web and see what stands out to you. Often, just seeing it presented in ONE PAGE will cause insights.
Simply list the following from your previous lessons:
– Concept: A ghost content with an afterlife haunting the house where he was murdered must save a group of partying college kids when the serial killer who was never caught returns for a new spree.
Old/original concept: A ghost content with an afterlife haunting the house where he was murdered is accidentally brought back to life by the teen girl who just moved in, just as the killer who was never caught returns for a new spree. Now is up to the revived ghost to protect the living and find out why he died.
– Lead Characters
Protagonist: Tyler. The bratty college kid who was murdered by a serial killer and became a ghost.
Antagonist: The serial killer who was never caught.
Supporting: Dallas. The college girl pushed by her friends to organize a party at her family’s vacation summer manor.
Supporting: Lex. Dallas’s 16 y.o. goth sister who is into true crime and murders. She’s secretly tagged along with her sister and college friends to research Tyler’s murder.
Supporting: Maddie. The original “final girl” and the young college woman the ghost loved. Maddie survived the serial killer’s original spree. Now, as an adult, Maddie has been secretly waiting for the killer to strike back convinced she can stop him.
– Plot/Structure: Transformation/Change. Maybe Maturation
– Character Arc: Tyler goes from being an entitled jerk to a nice guy with accountability and heart.
Part to be changed: He’s haunted by his past actions and can’t let go.
Biggest fear: That his mistakes will hurt people again.
Completion of arc: Becomes accountable and moves on with his life.
– Main Conflict: Can the ghost save the college kids from being killed?
Dramatic Question: How is the ghost going to stop the serial killer?
Dilemma: Allow the serial killer to win without interfering and “live” with the guilt of letting more innocents die OR Intervene, having to confront his biggest fear.
– Theme: Confront your past to move on.
My evaluation: My original high concept is no longer as logical. But I like the new concept with the ghost acting like a “babysitter” OR “guardian angel” to the college kids by protecting them from the serial killer. However, this is a horror comedy so the ghost’s early attempts to save the college kids will probably backfire.
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Armand’s 1st Pass
What I learned doing this assignment is…
First pass. To create a character arc, ask these questions: What needs to change inside my protagonist? What is the biggest fear the protagonist must face? Completion of arc?
1. Give us your concept/logline.
A ghost content with an afterlife haunting the house where he was murdered is accidentally brought back to life, just as the killer who was never caught returns for a new spree. Now is up to the revived ghost to protect the living and find out why he died.
2. What is your plot choice and a quick summary of that plot? (From Day 2 and 3)
Change: Once he is accidentally brought back to life, the revived ghost has the chance to leave the murder home he’s been haunting for years but the return of his never-caught killer puts the people in the house in danger and himself (if he stays).
3. List all 9 beats of your structure. (From Day 5)
1. Opening
A montage introduces us to HOW the ghost was killed. Then, the ghost’s routine scaring those who move to the house where he was murdered to amuse himself. The ghost has nightmares of his masked killer (in slasher movie style) chasing him around the house and murdering him. The nightmares manifest more strongly closer to the night he was murdered, which is coming up.
2. Inciting Incident
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
The ghost knows the killer is going to strike back.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
5. Mid-Point
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
7. Crisis
8. Climax
9. Resolution
Ghost unmasks his killer, and lets his new life begin outside the murder house.
4. Tell us the Character Arc of your protagonist and add it to your structure.
Part to be changed: He’s haunted by his past actions and can’t let go.
Biggest fear: That his mistakes will hurt people again.
Completion of arc: Becomes accountable and moves on with his life.
5. Looking at your plot choice, fill in whatever plot events you think of. Just answer the question “What plot events would naturally fit into this structure?”
EXT. MANOR IN THE WOODS – PAST
Protagonist is introduced. A young, rich college-aged man: careless and privileged. His friends are killed by a masked killer during a trip he organized to his family’s manor.
Protagonist gets murdered by the masked killer and dies slowly. He doesn’t know if the girl he loves (the final girl if these slasher was from her POV) made it. He’s dead.
INT. MANOR – MONTAGE
Years go by. Our ghost adapts to his after-life. Refusing to confront his murder. Haunting people moving in/out manor as the years go by.
INT. MANOR – PRESENT
New family moves in: Siblings with absent rich parents. Goth teen girl. Older college aged girl.
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Armand’s Favorite Movie Outline
What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
Outlines are Hollywood standards for producers and executives. We need to get good at putting them together. Also, we need to know what details are worth going into the outline.
I chose the film FREAKY starring Vince Vaughn
Dramatic Question: Can the teen girl recover her body before the body switch becomes permanent?
Main Conflict: Will the serial killer, in the teen girl’s body nobody suspects, kill her fellow students and the teen girl’s family members?
Dilemma: The teen girl has to switch bodies with the serial killer in 24 hours or the change will be permanent + she could be blamed for all the murders in the body of Vince Vaughn.
Theme: Letting go of the pain and moving on with your life is hard but must be done. Finding one’s strength.
FREAKY
EXT. MANOR – WED THE 11TH – NIGHT
Horny teens sit by the fire telling scary stories about serial killers. They joke about scary stories being cautionary tales about sex around homecoming.
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Teen boy explores the manor by himself, goes down to the cellar (which is full of artifacts because the house belongs to a a rich collector). Teen boy is brutally murdered by a MASKED killer.
Serial killer murders another teen girl in the bathroom. Serial killer chases and kills remaining teen boy and girl.
Serial killer reveals himself to be VINCE VAUGHN. Serial killer finds a MYSTERIOUS DAGGER OR KNIFE. Steals it.
INT. HOME – THU THE 12TH – DAY
Lead HIGH SCHOOL GIRL wakes up for breakfast. We see her family life. Something’s off. Sad. The teen girl is shy, depressed. Older sister is a deputy. Mom seems to be hiding her alcoholism.
EXT. BLISSFIELD TOWN – DAY
Teen girl walks to school through her small town. Classmates pick her up.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Teen girl does not want to attend the homecoming DANCE, but her friends are pushing her to go. We discover it’s been ONE YEAR since the teen girl’s father died.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY – DAY
Mean girls bully our main high school girl. We see a glimpse of our main girl’s crush.
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Our teen girl is bullied by a teacher. The murder of the TEENS is reported, and it’s all everyone’s taking about. Main girl wonders if they will cancel the homecoming game. They don’t.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – NIGHT
Our main teen girl, who is the high school mascot, doesn’t get picked up by her alcoholic mom after the game. She’s all alone.
The teen girl’s phone dies.
The masked serial killer, with the DAGGER, appears. Chases our teen girl.
EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD – NIGHT
The serial killer and the girl fight off. The serial killer is unmasked. We see a vision of a PYRAMID as the killer stabs our main girl in the shoulder. But as the teen girl is stabbed, the stab wound appears on both of their bodies.
The sister cop shows up just in time, killer runs away confused; and our “teen girl” is “SAFE.”
The cops recover the DAGGER.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
The teen girl acts mysteriously. Has nightmares of the dagger, the pyramid and the serial killer.
INT. KILLER’S LAIR – FRI THE 13TH – DAY
The killer, our teen girl, wakes up, realizing she is in the body of the serial killer.
INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
The serial killer’s mind is inside the teen girl’s body. The teen girl is acting strange, but her mom thinks she’s in shock after the serial killer’s attack.
EXT. BLISSFIELD – DAY
The local news are talking about the serial killer. A sketch shown on a storefront tv depicts the killer’s portrait as Vince Vaughn’s character. Vince Vaughn is trying to find answers around town as the locals recognize him as the killer at large.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Teen girl gives herself a badass makeover and goes to school.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Vince Vaughn arrives. He is looking for the teen girl, while hiding from the cops.
INT. LOCKER ROOM/SHOWERS – DAY
Vince Vaughn cleans up in the locker room. Meanwhile, the teen girl kills the MEAN GIRL. Vince Vaughn discovers the dead MEAN GIRL.
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
The teen girl is bullied by her teacher again.
INT. SCHOOL – DAY
Vince Vaughn tries to communicate with the teen girl’s friends AND explain everything. They run away from him. Fight him off. EVENTUALLY: the friends believe HIM.
Vince Vaughn and the teens realize the DAGGER is the source of the Freaky Friday body switch.
They discover the dagger is an Aztec sacrificial tool and they have 24 hours to swap the bodies again or it will be a permanent change. The only way to swap the bodies is by another STABBING.
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
The teen girl tries to kill her teacher, realizing she’s not strong anymore. She eventually outwits the teacher and kills him.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Vince Vaughn and the teen girl run into each other. The teen girl screams, making the cops chase after Vince Vaughn.
INT. CAR – DAY
Vince Vaughn and the teens drive away. Plot how to catch the teen girl.
The police chase after them.
INT. FITTING ROOM – DAY
Vince Vaughn hides. Speaks with the teen’s mother through the fitting room’s door. Vince Vaughn – the teen girl – talks with her MOM about the girl’s late father. Vince Vaughn – the teen girl – realizes the mom is grieving too in silence. They have a heart to heart. Mom kinda flirts with Vince Vaughn’s comforting voice.
INT. ARCADE – DAY
Homecoming is cancelled. Teen girl and the football team plan a secret party at the OLD MILL.
Vince Vaughn – in disguise – and the other teens arrive in time to save the teen girl’s crush from being killed. They restrain the teen girl.
INT. FRIEND’S HOME – NIGHT
The teen girl killer is restrained. The teen girl’s crush realizes Vince Vaughn is the actual teen girl. They plot how to get the dagger from the police station.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Vince Vaughn – the teen girl – talks to her crush. Vince Vaughn realizes he/she’s been empowered by being trapped inside the strong serial killer’s body. Feels good not being bullied anymore. The crush and Vince Vaughn – the teen girl – connect “romantically.”
INT. FRIEND’S HOME – NIGHT
Deranged Teen girl sets herself free, escapes.
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
The SISTER COP stops one of the teen girl’s friends from stealing the DAGGER.
The TEEN GIRL arrives to the police station AND steals the DAGGER. Vince Vaughn stops her before she kills everyone.
Vince Vaughn is detained by the SISTER COP. Teen girl steals a cop car and runs away.
Vince Vaughn traps his SISTER in jail to protect her.
Vince Vaughn and friends chase after the teen girl.
INT. OLD MILL – NIGHT
Teen girl arrives to the party. Teen girl kills the football jocks before they attempt molesting her.
Vince Vaughn – in disguise – and the teens arrive to the party. They have 15 minutes left.
The cops show up.
Vince Vaughn and the Teen Girl face off.
EXT. ALLEY – NIGHT
Vince Vaughn STABS the teen girl before the deadline and BREAKS the body swap.
The teen girl returns to her body.
Vince Vaughn – the serial killer – is shot by the cops.
Later, the teen girl and her crush kiss. A happy ending.
INT. AMBULANCE – NIGHT
Vince Vaughn, the serial killer, is allegedly pronounced dead by the EMTs.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Teen girl and mom “talk” to each other for the first time since dad’s death. Mom encourages the teen girl to go to college and live her life.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Vince Vaughn shows up for revenge. He prepares to kill the teen girl. Vince Vaughn hurts MOM and SISTER COP.
The Teen Girl finds her inner strength and TOGETHER WITH HER FAMILY, she KILLS Vince Vaughn.
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Armand’s Basic Structure!
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…
Three act structure is the Hollywood standard. Act 1 is the setup. Act 2 is the journey and main conflict. Act 3 Protagonist must face his greatest fear. “Send your protag up in the tree in Act One, throw rocks at him In Act Two, and let him discover how to get down in Act Three.”
9-beat Hollywood structure
Opening
Inciting Incident
By page 10, you know what the movie is about
First turning point by end of act 1
Midpoint
Second turning point by end of act 2
Crisis
Climax
Resolution
People should be able to tell what’s going on in this script by page 10.
1. Tell us your concept in a logline.
A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered is accidentally brought back to life by the teen girl who lives there, just as the killer who was never caught returns for a new spree. Now is up to the revived ghost to protect the living and find out why he died.
2. Present your story, showing each part of the 9-beat structure as I did in the two examples. Give us each of these:
1. Opening
A montage introduces us to the ghost’s routine scaring those who move to the house where he was murdered to amuse himself. The ghost has nightmares of his masked killer (in slasher movie style) chasing him around the house and murdering him. The nightmares manifest more strongly closer to the night he was murdered, which is coming up.
2. Inciting Incident
The ghost realizes he can’t scare the teen girl who just moved in with her parents and adult sister.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
The teen girl and her friends plan to communicate with the ghost on the anniversary of his murder. The unknown killer is seen elsewhere plotting a new killing spree.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
5. Mid-Point
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
7. Crisis
8. Climax
9. Resolution
Ghost unmasks his killer, and lets his new life begin outside the murder house.
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Armand’s Basic Structure!
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…
Three act structure is the Hollywood standard. Act 1 is the setup. Act 2 is the journey and main conflict. Act 3 Protagonist must face his greatest fear. “Send your protag up in the tree in Act One, throw rocks at him In Act Two, and let him discover how to get down in Act Three.”
9-beat Hollywood structure
Opening
Inciting Incident
By page 10, you know what the movie is about
First turning point by end of act 1
Midpoint
Second turning point by end of act 2
Crisis
Climax
ResolutionPeople should be able to tell what’s going on in this script by page 10.
1. Tell us your concept in a logline.
A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered is accidentally brought back to life by the teen girl who lives there, just as the killer who was never caught returns for a new spree. Now is up to the revived ghost to protect the living and find out why he died.
2. Present your story, showing each part of the 9-beat structure as I did in the two examples. Give us each of these:
1. Opening
A montage introduces us to the ghost’s routine scaring those who move to the house where he was murdered to amuse himself. The ghost has nightmares of his masked killer (in slasher movie style) chasing him around the house and murdering him. The nightmares manifest more strongly closer to the night he was murdered, which is coming up.
2. Inciting Incident
The ghost realizes he can’t scare the teen girl who just moved in with her parents and adult sister.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
The teen girl and her friends plan to communicate with the ghost on the anniversary of his murder. The unknown killer is seen elsewhere plotting a new killing spree.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
5. Mid-Point
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
7. Crisis
8. Climax
9. Resolution
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Armand’s Necessary Questions
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…
The dramatic question is very important for the audience. It engages them early on. The main conflict is very important for the sustainability of the second and third acts. Dilemmas can elevate the quality of a screenplay. Theme is the message being delivered by the writer.
1. List your answer for each of these areas for your story.
a. Concept: A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered is accidentally brought back to life by the teen girl who lives there, just as the killer who was never caught returns for a new spree. Now is up to the revived ghost to protect the living and find out why he died.
b. Dramatic Question: Can the revived ghost defeat and unmask his own killer?
c. Main conflict: Can the revived ghost protect the teen girl from being killed?
d. Dilemma: Should the revived ghost take his second chance at life and run from the killer, leaving the others to suffer the same fate? OR does he stay and risk dying again, not knowing what will happen to him in the afterlife.
e. Theme: You can’t run away from your past.
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Armand’s Dramatic Plots 2
What I learned…
A story can be told in multiple ways. It’s our job to choose the most marketable.
1. Looking through the 10 plots above, select two that could possibly work for your story.
Transformation
Metamorphosis
2. Tell us your original concept.
A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered is accidentally brought back to life by the teen girl who lives there, just as the killer who was never caught returns for a new spree. Now is up to the revived ghost to protect the living and find out why he died.
3. Tell the name of the plot selection and write a logline for each one.
Transformation / Metamorphosis
A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered falls in love with the young woman who moved into the house recently. Together, they use a seance to bring the ghost back to life just as the killer that was never caught returns for a new murder spree.
4. Then, looking at the four plots (two from yesterday and two from today) tell us which plot you would like to use throughout the Outlining module.
A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered falls in love with the young woman who moved into the house recently. Together, they use a seance to bring the ghost back to life just as the killer that was never caught returns for a new murder spree.
A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered is accidentally brought back to life by the teen girl who lives there. Once he is brought back to life, the revived ghost has the chance to leave the murder home behind and step back into the world, but the return of his never-caught killer puts the people in the house in danger and himself if he stays.
– I like these two. I may need to think about it before making a decision.
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Armand’s Dramatic Plots 1
What I learned…
The best plot for our concept can be determined through a a process of elimination, or choosing the most natural fit at this time.
Quest: could work because my ghost protagonist needs answers about his murder
Adventure: not really.
Pursuit and Rescue: this could work.
Underdog: could work too.
1. Looking through the 10 plots above, select two that could possibly work for your story:
Rescue
Underdog
Tell the name of the plot selection and write a one paragraph synopsis for each one.
Once the ghost protagonist is brought back to life, the revived ghost has the chance to leave the murder home he’s been haunting for years but the return of his never-caught killer puts the people in the house in danger and himself if he stays.
The revived ghost was killed by the serial killer and does he have the tools to survive him this time?
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Armand’s Character Structure
What I learned…
Outlines teach writers and decision makers if a story works without having to read 100 pages. Outlines are required by producers and studios.
Concept:
A ghost haunting the house where he was murdered is accidentally brought back to life by the teen girl who lives there, just as the killer who was never caught returns for a new spree. Now is up to the revived ghost to protect the living and find out why he died.
2.
1. Protagonist versus Antagonist.
4. Dramatic Triangle
2. Buddy Movie with Two Characters Owning the Story.
3.
My protagonist is a bored, cynical ghost who haunts the house where he was mysteriously murdered, amusing himself by spooking away any new residents that brave to move in.
My secondary protagonist is a teen girl who is not afraid of ghosts and who wants to communicate with the spirit of whatever entity is haunting her new home.
My antagonist is the never-caught killer of our protagonist who returns to the murder house for another spree.
4. My concept is a horror comedy and my protagonist is the ghost haunting the house, a character that has unfinished business but that is also comfortable in the avoidance allowed by his ghost status. He will have a secondary “buddy” relationship with the teen girl who brings him back to life accidentally. A brother-sister dynamic comes in play when the horror element of the serial killer returning puts their survival at stakes, but also: an opportunity for the revived ghost to learn why he was murdered and how all main characters may be surprisingly connected.
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I learned more about the use of the High Concept formats, and the protocols to implement during the conference with the instructor.
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What I learned: Well, I learned a lot about the class spirit and its goals. Mostly, how important is to give ourselves permission to create freely and to allow these freedom and creativity to flow in all directions (while working on a deadline!). Looking forward to giving feedback based on the module/skills and growing as a professional writer.
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Armand Petrikowski
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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1. Hi everyone, my name is Armand Petrikowski. I used to go by Armand Petri but I’m a full kowski now. I live in New Orleans (L.A. before that).
2. How many scripts you’ve written?
I have written several short films + micro-budget feature films that I produced independently. I have also written 2 tv pilots (1 drama, 1 comedy) and I co-wrote 1 half-hour LGBTQ sitcom that is currently under a shopping agreement with a management company in Los Angeles.
3. What you hope to get out of the class?
More knowledge, more techniques, and overall; my goal is to become a better professional screenwriter.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you?
I’m Polish / Mexican. I was raised in Mexico and moved to the US 10 years ago. I’m a married gay male and by now, I’m already a citizen. My husband (who is a SoCal native) and I visited New Orleans five years ago. We loved it. Six months later, we grabbed our 4 cats and moved to NOLA. Now we are plotting a future move to Santa Fe, New Mexico.
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Thank you for your feedback. Re: Tyler/Lex. I’m going for a sibling relationship. Older brother/younger sister. Perhaps that’s where you pick up their chemistry. It’s also important that these two characters have great scenes together because they will carry the fist act until Maddie re-appears at mid-point.
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That’s fine. I’ll read your feeeback on Monday or Tue. Thank you.
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Elizabeth:
Good scene. Here’s my feedback based on the skill mastery sheet:
You have a lot of solid anticipatory dialogue, and you also have elevated your work by adding and setting up suspense in your story. I think you really scored with your vivid and emotional descriptions used here. Your visuals were bold and your voice came through wonderfully, making the scene even more interesting than your characters’ descriptions and relationship. You did a great job.
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Yes! Please reply with any feedback here. I’ll read your homework tomorrow 12/10 AM. Thank you!
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Hello John:
I love the logline and how Jack and the kids have strong character (and subtext) traits that will play against each other really well.
Now, to the skill mastery sheet:
Conflict/tension: I think the opening scene in the car succeeds in setting up an internal conflict (Jack having to take care of his nephews unexpectedly) and the external issue with the air conditioning gives us glimpses of the boys’ personalities. Could you go further with the tension, stretching it out till breaking point and see what you find out about your characters that adds to your already solid scene work.
Twists: The Jack/Clerk scene sets up a good twist related to the poison ivy. It also had an element of dramatic irony. It excited me.
Setting: I got a strong comedic feel through the whole travel-river sequence and I felt I could see these characters making choices with their own voices.
The “Snakes” line lost me a little bit. Did Jack just pick up snake skin or did he see an actual snake?
Overall, I think you followed the class lessons and did a very nice job. I’m sure you can finesse it and go deeper if you want to, solid work!
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Rob. This is feedback for Version 3:
Concept: I think this Concept is exciting. Felt like the type of movie to be marketed with the promise of a twist ending. (then I read this was a Riddle and it all tracked).
Protagonist: All your universe of characters is wonderful. If I may suggest: giving the protagonist a more “active” spin. Struggling with her sexuality is a strong choice for the genre. But could Annie be conceived as less victim-y and more of a tangible hero? Her arc sounds great on the emotional side. Does she have the skills to defeat the monster? I think the audience would like to see that right away, even though it will be a journey to get us there.
Does all of the SLW reflect the concept? Based on a true story did not seem to be relevant in the outline but it’s part of your pitch. By page 10, we did not see any reference to paranormal activity or the ghost of the dead mother haunting them. We saw a queer protagonist in the closet going on a date to please the parent, consider bringing the promise of your premise early on. Why is she worth stalking? I think this is an opportunity to ask how we can elevate our hero and even make her more relatable to non-LGBTQ viewers, other than expect her to be.
Did the writer get to the essence of the Dramatic Question and Main Conflict? I think there are opportunities to go deeper into an angle of self-acceptance as an LGBTQ individual. This does not mean you need to add more details to the plot. But instead, I wonder if our Protagonist can be empowered with more tools to figure out the riddle that is herself.
3. Does the Dramatic Question show up in the Structure? It shows up in the Opening and in the 3rd Act. But the first Act is taking its time building the Concept.
5. When you read the structure, can you see a story? Yes. And the character arc is solid. In my opinion, a lot of the structure is framed around the Father and what he thinks of the daughter. There might be an opportunity to focus the story on Annie’s coming out without her self-acceptance (and the audience’s expectations of this) being tied to having to save the father’s life.
Dilemma: The dilemma posted here focused on Danny. But based on the class assignment, I believe it should be: how the Protagonist has two choose between 2 equally bad scenarios. A good dilemma question shows up in your Climax.
Theme: “Childhood is over the moment you realize that monsters are real.” This is good. But I have a take as a Millennial gay man to share with you: The world is full of evils, YES but as they say, “it gets better.” For it to get better, you need to accept yourself OR: make a personal choice that takes you FORWARD. It seems to me that the theme is too focused on the past, rather than in the possibility and hope of change.
Plot/Structure:
It’s a complex story. Good job creating this world. I’m excited for its evolution during the class.
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Hi Jim:
This is SLW V2 feedback. But I also read V1 and noticed your first leap.
V2:
Concept: I think this Concept is great. It could benefit from having more specificity. I saw the movie in my head (especially the setup with the bomb) but I did not understand how his growing maturity will save the day per se. I have an expectation of what will happen and how it is resolved as a writer – but I wonder if a producer or the audience would understand it equally just from reading it. Maybe we also need to understand how the hero’s tangible skills will help him save the day on top of being pushed to grow/change.
Plot Choice: I got Underdog right away from the Concept. Good job. And I definitely saw the potential for character change and I think the parity you are seeking between both plot choices could be a good strategy going forward.
Protagonist Character Arc: I got the arc from the Concept. I think the love story is a great way to invest us even more in this journey.
Theme: I liked the layman explanation better.
Plot in Structure:
Does all of the SLW reflect the concept? The Main Conflict is there, driving the story forward. The first Act 1 part of the structure had the DNA of the Concept, but with these type of characters; consider getting us on their side right away rather than expecting we will be on their side.
Did the writer get to the essence of the Dramatic Question and Main Conflict? Overall, yes. More the Main Conflict than the Dramatic Question. Excited to see how you continue elevating your story. The movie is already there.
When you read the structure, can you see a story? Yes. I saw a lot of the movie right away and the plot choices were solid. But I also felt this story got very invested in the twists and turns, that somehow the Dramatic Question and Character Arc took a backseat. I knew Jake was expected to grow.
Opening Sequence
All this work is very good. I thought I would just suggest that you may need: Jake to save the cat more evidently, early on. Just being a little socially odd or an outcast did not seem to get me on the character’s side, especially with all the talk about the “dark web” and what the general audience may quickly associate “people who roam the dark web” with. I think your tone is everywhere, but with these complex set of anti-hero characters; I may suggest if I can looking into even more possibilities for change and growth for the cast so the film is more appealing to even more people. Very good job. Thank you for the opportunity to review it.
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Hello Jim:
Thank you for your feedback. I’m away from my desk today. I’ll reply to your latest assignment with my feedback tomorrow 10/3 AM. Thank you again.
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Hi Rob:
Nice to meet you. May I exchange feedback with you from my SLW Version 1 (only one I posted so far) and I can give feedback to you on your post: Rob Bertrand – SLW Version 3. (I did not read SLW V1 & V2, but from Concept I can tell we seem to be working “similar” genres, different tones). Please let me know, thank you!
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You should be able to hit reply to this message and post here directly right after this message. Thank you.
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Elizabeth:
Thank you for the opportunity and for any feedback for my assignment. Solid job overall.
Title: To Find what Freud Forgot. Like it a lot. I also like “What Freud Forgot.” Which is important because is your story about finding it, or learning what Freud forgot?
Genre: The logline gave me ensemble comedy right away. Good job getting that across as this, in my opinion, is a complex genre to pull off.
Concept: A piece… of what? I wasn’t sure I understood the story from Concept alone. The logline gave me more insight. But the concept as written made me think this was a different genre: even sci-fi or spirituality. Perhaps it would be considerably helpful to focus the Concept right away on a smaller world/group of people we’re about to meet, and think about how the general audience (no matter their demographics) would interpret this Concept.
Logline: Maybe it’s me or my ignorance on modern Psychology but I don’t understand what is this thing “Freud forgot.” Could this be more specific / “tangible” so it’s clear to anyone from the fisherman to the rocket scientist?
Dramatic Question: Not sure I understood this. May I recommend going with a more specific, tangible choice of words.
Main Conflict: Good. This was clear to me because the terms were layman and I could picture everything.
Theme: I thought the theme was something like healing your wounds or confronting your past in order to move on/grow. Not sure I got the work/play from the outline. Ed can point out everyone’s problems easily… except his own.
Lead Characters, Emotional Dilemmas and ARCs:
Ed (70’s): LOVE ED! Great character.
Emotional Dilemma (psychological defense = suppression): Good. Made me want to know more about Ed’s relationship to his dead loved ones than the living characters to be frank.
Completion of Arc: Great moment for a bankable older actor here.
Don’t be afraid to center the story more around Ed, your most compelling character in my opinion. All your characters are strong and well-defined. Wondering if you need absolutely all of them to tell this story? It seems more satisfying emphasis could be given on understanding Ed and his immediate relationship with the new found granddaughter (and his troubled past, which is in your theme).
9 Beat Structure (Transformation):
The theme stated so plainly in the outline sounds great here, but I’m not seeing it during the execution of the full outline. So many small details seem to be losing the bigger picture of what the story aims to accomplish in one sentence.
1. Does all of the SLW reflect the concept?
No. Because the concept is so general that applies to everyone in the world, I’m not sure the actual story is being told on the high concept level.
2. Did the writer get to the essence of the Dramatic Question and Main Conflict?
The dramatic question is interesting, but I’m not sure it will hook a producer immediately. I would suggest going more “tangible.” You know a lot about your story already, but the regular producer who is on his phone scrolling while you pitch something to him on the phone might get lost or confused. The main conflict is well executed. I truly enjoy how that pans out. Particularly liking the second act after the midpoint. I think the setup of the film needs to be simplified to achieve the complexity sought in the message/theme/dilemma.
3. Does the Dramatic Question show up in the Structure?
It shows up at the end/resolution and mostly during the last act. Almost like we have a beginning and ending, but no muddle (middle).
4. Is the Main Conflict, Dilemma, and Theme represented in the Structure?
The theme is represented, but mostly after Midpoint.
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Hi Elizabeth:
Yes, thank you. Please review my assignment already posted here and I’ll start working on yours too. Thank you again.
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Hi John:
Thank you for the opportunity to read your assignment and for my feedback. I really like your concept. I love the idea of the family road trip and I’m curious about this story.
Regarding Concept: I think there’s an opportunity for change coming both ways (uncle and nephews). He’s teaching the young kids, AND from your Concept we know he will learn something from this experience too. Sounds like a great setup.
Question: the package in the concept? To whom? That may be be important regarding tone.
Update after finishing reading: I suspected this was mob-related by only reading Concept and then I read all your assignment. Perhaps the mob needs to be in the concept. It may elevate the story and stakes.
I enjoyed your lead characters. Based on what we studied so far, I wonder if the nephew team is the bigger agent of change. The Don is there to raise the stakes, but who is producing the most change in our main character OVERALL? Does uncle and nephews own the story equally?
The “Versus” in your Character Structure hints at a potential different structure, maybe. The road trip is the set up of your story. We know a road trip brings surprises, but what is the story really about at the core: family.
“But Uncle Jack has agreed to drive cross-country to deliver a package for a local crime boss to save his family’s restaurant from being destroyed by fire.”
I liked this explanation. It gave me more insight. I feel some of these details could be welcomed in other parts of your assignment and the outline.
Re: Protagonist Character Arc: I got the uncle’s potential change from the Concept. But in my opinion, we’re missing an opportunity for the nephew’s to “grow or mature” too. Does all of the SLW reflect the concept? Not entirely, but there are lots of fun possibilities. Your characters and arc are strong. Excellent job.
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Hello John. I’ll review your assignment tomorrow Oct 1st AM and post the reply here.