[Art Blum]

What I’ve learned is that I’m having lots of trouble finding the essence of my story. I’ve come up with a zillion subplots. But I’m working on it.

Scene 1 Location: Opening scene
Logline:In a dream, our hero, a hit and run driver is chased by an ordinary person who saw the crime. She traps the hit and run driver after he exits the highway.

Essence I’ve discovered: Dream turns into a nightmare when the person chasing the hit and run driver turns out to be a beautiful AI robot.

New Logline: Hunted in his dreams, our hero hits a car trying to get away from a robot intent on killing him.

Scene 2 Location: Home Act I

Logline: Hero’s daughter suffers from nightmares resulting from the time a man murdered her mother.

Essence I’ve discovered: The random man is our hero’s supervisor at the sleep center where he works.

New Logline: the man who murdered a child’s mother happens to be our hero’s supervisor.

Scene 3 Location: sleep lab

Logline: After the police contact our hero about being identified in a hit and run accident, he’s able to prove he was at work at the time.

Essence I’ve discovered: After police contact our hero about a hit and run, his alibi crumbles when, his phone shows he was in the area of the accident, the cameras on punch clocks lose his information, and even his supervisor doesn’t remember him there anymore.

New Logline: Our hero isn’t sure what’s real and what’s not after his alibi disappears when he’s accused of being in a hit and run accident.

[Art Blum]

1. My name. Art Blum
2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Art Blum]

What I learned is to pick a marketing campaign most suited to your personality.

#3. Get an agent or a manager. This is the method that worked for me in the past. I sold scripts. Downside, lots of friction I had with these folks.
#4 Promoting a Contest Win: I did get it sent out by the contest. But they seemed to make a half-hearted effort.
#6 Marketing to Producers. I like the lecture on figuring out on IMDb what producers, production companies are most suited for me and targeting them with query letters. This seems more my style.
#7 Kickstarter campaign. I like making sizzle reels. Maybe that will help.

Really enjoyed the class. Felt I got a lot out of it. My pilot’s been getting better and better feedback at contests and critique services.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Art Blum.

[Art Blum]

I learned that using IMDbPro to find potential producers for my sci-fi TV pilot, GO YOUR WAY IN SAFETY, (Target Market: Sci-fi one hour show) can be a valuable step in my journey to bringing my project to life.

IMDbPro is my solution for building a network within the industry. I hope to discover producers who have worked on similar projects or have expressed interest in the sci-fi genre. I’ll be able to gain insight into their experience, the types of projects they’ve been involved with, and the networks or studios they’ve collaborated with. This information can help me target producers who might be the best fit for my pilot.

IMDbPro can also provide me with submission guidelines, ensuring that I follow the proper channels when reaching out to potential producers.

And, knowing that I have access to a vast database of industry professionals will boost my confidence. It demonstrates that there are numerous potential avenues for getting my pilot made and that I have the tools to connect with the right people.

I realize that not every producer will be interested in my project. Rejection is a common part of the process, and it’s crucial to approach potential producers with a professional and realistic mindset.

Also success stories from my classmates inspire me and remind me of the potential for my own pilot.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Art Blum.

[Art Blum]

What I learned doing this assignment? Having a structure for a phone conversation is a big help.
Lead with high concept:

Hi, this is Art Blum, and I’m a member of the Writer's Guild. I have a sci-fi magical realism pilot called GO YOUR WAY IN SAFETY. In a world where psychic children are exploited, a teenage outcast must confront his haunted past and embrace his power to channel spirits when a sinister government agency’s experiment threatens humanity's fate. GO YOUR WAY IN SAFETY won at Script Summit and was a Finalist or Semifinalist at 7 other contests.

Version 2 (Component of Marketability):

Hi, this is Art Blum, and I’m a member of the Writer's Guild. I have a sci-fi magical realism pilot called GO YOUR WAY IN SAFETY. It’s a gripping series that taps into our collective fascination with the unknown and the lengths people will go to uncover the truth. With its timely themes of exploitation and the cost of progress, it has the potential of attracting the youth market.

Version 3 (Comps):

Hi, this is Art Blum, and I’m a member of the Writer’s Guild. I have a sci-fi magical realism pilot called GO YOUR WAY IN SAFETY. It combines the eerie, supernatural elements of Stranger Things; with the government conspiracy and alien mystery of The X-Files; GO YOUR WAY IN SAFETY won at Script Summit and was a Finalist or Semifinalist at 7 other contests, showcasing its potential for success.

Budget Range:

Mid to high-budget, given the need for high-quality visual effects and a talented ensemble cast.

Potential Lead Actors:

Ian Foreman as Ryan Gordon
Shree Crooks as Indigo Rivers
And Cate Blanchett as Dr. Roberta Blaine.

Number of Pages: 60

Who else has seen this? Nobody.
How does the pilot end. No good deed goes unpunished. Ryan saves a kid about to eat a peanut laced candy bar which he’s deathly allergic to. A fellow student records the exchanges and sends it out to the world. It’s picked up by Hermes and now they know Ryan’s location.
The series ends with Ryan leading all these kids away from Hermes where they were held captive. The kids wind up being surrounded by an army of Hermes’ soldiers. Ryan with the help of his spiritual mentor, Jimmy, figures out a way to overcome all odds and leads the group to safety.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Art Blum.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Art Blum.

[Art Blum]

I'm learning to look at my writing as a business, not just a hobby.
Hi, I’m Art Blum, an optioned TV writer and WGA member specializing in sci-fi and magical realism. I’m excited to share "Go Your Way In Safety," a one-hour TV pilot that combines the eerie supernatural elements of Stranger Things with the government conspiracy and alien mystery of The X-Files.
Pilot Overview:
Go Your Way In Safety follows 14-year-old Ryan Gordon, formerly known as Star Rover, a boy with the unique ability to channel both human and alien spirits. Ryan escaped from Hermes, a secret government agency, after witnessing the brutal murders of those he identified for them. Now, hiding under a new identity in a sleepy town, his façade shatters when Hermes makes contact with alien minds trapped in a dying realm. These beings crave human bodies, promising salvation in exchange for their own survival, and they need Ryan to transfer their spirits into human hosts.
Central Conflict:
Ryan faces a harrowing choice: help the aliens, who can potentially save the world with their advanced technology. But it would mean sacrificing his classmates and the children still trapped at Hermes. As he navigates this perilous path, Ryan must uncover the truth behind the aliens’ intentions. A cryptic medallion reveals a shocking twist: the spirits are not aliens but the souls of children killed by Hermes decades ago, sent into space to bridge the gap to alien civilizations. Now they’re returning.
Why This Series?
Go Your Way In Safety explores timely themes of exploitation, the cost of progress, and the blurred lines between good and evil. In an era where truth is often stranger than fiction, this series taps into our collective fascination with the unknown.
Why Now?
Our current climate of distrust and curiosity about the unseen world makes this series incredibly relevant. It challenges viewers to think deeply about the ethical implications of scientific advancement and the exploitation of the vulnerable.
Why Me?
As a writer drawn to the intersection of sci-fi and the human experience, I aim to create a world where everyone can find a place.
Budget Range:
Mid to high-budget, necessary for high-quality visual effects and a talented ensemble cast.
Potential Lead Actors:
Ian Foreman as Ryan Gordon, Shree Crooks as Indigo Rivers, and Cate Blanchett as Dr. Roberta Blaine.
Story Structure:
In the pilot in Act 1: Ryan’s new in school. He’s in hiding from a secret agency called Hermes. His past as Star Rover is revealed, and Hermes makes contact with alien spirits.
In Act 2: Ryan discovers he’s the key to the aliens survival and faces a harrowing choice. He learns that Hermes is searching for him and the kids in school are getting on to him because he transfers his visions to everyone he helps and everyone he touches.
Act 3: Ryan’s early years as a ward of Hermes. A rogue agent, Seth vows to protect Ryan from any Hermes attempt to reacquire him.
In Act 4: The high school kids corner Ryan and demand to know about these visions they’re having and why their behavior is changing. Under pressure, Ryan confesses. He’s really Star Rover and feels he must run. But the kids reflect on this and become his allies. If Ryan can wait it out, the celestial event will pass and Hermes will have no use for him anymore. He’ll be free.
In Act 5: Ryan prepares to wait it out, continue as a student until the celestial event passes. But a chance event occurs and he winds up getting his picture taken and sent from one phone to another. Hermes picks up on this and now they know where he is.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Art Blum.

[Art Blum]

Art’s Query letter
I learned a new way of writing a query letter.

In a world where psychic children are exploited, can a teenage outcast confront his haunted past and save humanity from an alien takeover?

Go Your Way In Safety is a one-hour magical realism pilot that follows Ryan Gordon, a 14-year-old boy with the extraordinary ability to channel both human and alien spirits. Once known as Star Rover, Ryan escaped from Hermes, a secret government agency, after witnessing the horrifying murders of those he identified for them. Now, living under a new identity in a sleepy town, Ryan’s façade shatters when Hermes makes contact with alien minds trapped in a dying realm, beings who crave human bodies and promise salvation.

Hunted by Hermes and aliens, will Ryan flee again or embrace his extraordinary burden to protect his classmates caught in the crossfire?

As Ryan’s past explodes in creative writing class, he must confront the terrifying truth that his fantastical tale of channeling spirits, government conspiracies, and his spirit mentor Jimmy is all real. With Hermes desperate to exploit his gift and harness the invading alien spirits for their own sinister agenda, Ryan faces a harrowing choice. He must unlock the secrets of a cryptic medallion and confront the whispers plaguing him – whispers of betrayal, alien genocide, and his own forgotten destiny.

Trapped and exposed, will Ryan vanish once more or embrace his power to uncover the truth behind the approaching alien entities?

As safe haven crumbles, Ryan faces a brutal choice: save the kids sent to purgatory decades ago or save his friends and classmates. He can’t do both. With shadowy figures warning him of a cosmic power struggle and Dr. Roberta Blaine’s desperate attempt to resurrect her lost love at any cost, Ryan must navigate a treacherous landscape where the lines between friend and foe blur.

BIO: Art Blum is a member of the Writer’s Guild of America. He’s sold several screenplays and optioned a couple more. Go Your Way In Safety was a winner at SCRIPT SUMMIT and placed in a number of other contests.

Additional Opening Hooks:
1. In a world of psychic exploitation, can a teenage outcast channel spirits to stop an alien invasion and save humanity?
2. A teenage psychic must confront his past and uncover the truth behind an alien takeover in a world that exploits his kind.
3. Can a teenage outcast with the power to channel spirits prevent a secret agency from harnessing alien entities for sinister purposes?
4. In a world where psychic children are pawns, can a teenage boy's ability to channel spirits save humanity from an alien threat?
5. A teenage psychic must navigate a treacherous landscape of government conspiracies and alien agendas to protect his loved ones and uncover the truth.

Additional Middle Hooks:
1. Haunted by whispers of betrayal and alien genocide, will Ryan unlock the secrets of his past or be consumed by them?
2. As Ryan’s classmates become caught in the crossfire, will he run or fight to protect them from Hermes and the alien threat?
3. With his spirit mentor’s allegiance uncertain, can Ryan trust his own instincts to guide him through the impending crisis?
4. As the lines between friend and foe blur, will Ryan’s extraordinary gift be a curse or a blessing in the face of an alien invasion?
5. Hunted by Hermes and aliens alike, can Ryan unravel the mystery of his forgotten destiny before it's too late?

Additional Final Hooks:
1. With the fate of humanity hanging in the balance, will Ryan choose to save the lost children of the past or protect the innocent lives of the present?
2. As Dr. Blaine’s desperate attempt to resurrect her lost love threatens to unleash chaos, can Ryan find a way to stop her without sacrificing his own humanity?
3. In a world where the truth is hidden behind a veil of conspiracies and alien agendas, will Ryan’s power be enough to uncover the answers he seeks and save those he holds dear?
4. With time running out and the enemy closing in, will Ryan embrace his role as humanity’s last hope or crumble under the weight of his extraordinary burden?
5. As the approaching alien entities’ true intentions come to light, will Ryan’s choice determine the fate of humanity and the course of his own destiny?

Best regards,
Art Blum
Contact information

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Art Blum.

[Art Blum]

I’m learning how hard it is to tell your story in a succinct manner.
Main hook:
In a world where psychic kids are exploited, a teenage outcast must confront his past and channel spirits to stop a sinister alien-human experiment.
Dilemma:
A teenage psychic yearns for normalcy, but must choose between his own desires and using his powers to uncover the truth behind an alien-human merger.
Elevator pitch:
I’m working on a sci-fi TV series. It’s Stranger Things" meets "The X-Files. A teenage psychic becomes the target of a secret agency when alien spirits need his unique channeling ability to inhabit human hosts in order to save humanity.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Art Blum.

[Art Blum]

Art's Synopsis Hooks
I learned to work with AI to write, have AI edit, then I revise what it did and continue the process until I feel it’s ready, or at least better.
Hooks and moments of interest I used to create my synopsis.
Ryan’s Dual Identity and Trauma: Ryan’s past as Star Rover, his struggle to control his powers, and the trauma he carries from his time at Hermes provide a rich foundation for his character arc and the central conflict.
Dr. Blaine’s Villainous Complexity: Dr. Blaine’s complex past and motivations, particularly her tragic connection to Teddy and her desire to resurrect him, add depth to the antagonist role and drive the story forward.
Central Conflict Establishment: The opening scene's revelation of Star Rover's abilities and the subsequent pursuit by Hermes sets up the central conflict and mystery of the series, drawing viewers into the story from the start.
Character Betrayal and Alliance: Seth’s role as a rogue agent and his betrayal-turned-ally dynamic with Ryan contribute to the narrative's tension and complexity, keeping viewers engaged with shifting alliances and motivations.
High Stakes and World-Building: The impending celestial event and its potential impact on humanity, coupled with the mysteries surrounding alien consciousness and psychic powers, raise the stakes and contribute to the rich world-building of the series.
My Synopsis:

"GO YOUR WAY IN SAFETY," a one-hour sci-fi pilot, tells the story of Ryan, a 14-year-old living in a quiet little town, going to a local high school, wanting nothing more than to be an ordinary teenager after escaping from Hermes, a sinister government agency experimenting with alien consciousness.
The series teaser sets up the central conflict and mystery: a group of Hermes kids discuss their failure to locate a target, while the revelation of Star Rover's abilities hints at Ryan’s true identity and the power he wields. Dr. Blaine, a former child psychic channel herself and now director of the black ops program that included Ryan, carries a tragic burden—the death of her childhood friend Teddy, whom she was forced to kill in a deadly experiment gone awry. Her desire to resurrect him drives her down a dark path, adding depth to her character’s villainous pursuits.
Ryan’s world is turned upside down when his only ally, his caretaker Maria, abruptly abandons him to protect her family, leaving him utterly alone and vulnerable—a pivotal moment that shapes his journey. Despite this, Ryan displays inherent heroism by risking exposure to save a bully from a deadly allergic reaction, highlighting his internal struggle between normalcy and responsibility. However, his picture is taken by a fellow student and sent to a friend, which gets picked up by Hermes, putting Ryan in grave danger.
Unexpected allies come to Ryan’s aid, including Seth, a rogue Hermes agent who reveals long-held evidence against Hermes, using it to protect Ryan. However, Ryan’s perceptions of Seth are clouded by Maria’s warning that he may be an ally of the aliens. Additionally, Coleman, a fellow student initially hostile towards Ryan, witnesses his selfless act saving the bully and becomes an unlikely ally, along with Indigo, another classmate and a psychic in her own right.
The sudden appearance of ethereal children Teddy and other Christopher Project kids in Star Rover’s visions injects an eerie twist into the narrative, hinting at a deeper mystery. Teddy and a host of other kids, whose essences were reduced to blips on a computer chip, pop up on a TV screen, despite supposedly being dead. It is revealed that Hermes shot them into outer space twenty years ago, hoping their psychic powers would increase in magnitude and form a bridge to alien civilizations. Shockingly, it worked.
Now, all Hermes needs is Ryan Gordon, the boy once known as Star Rover, the only known human channel capable of reanimating the alien spirits into human form. Amidst the impending celestial event, characters grapple with moral ambiguity and the search for redemption, navigating the blurred lines between good and evil. As the celestial event looms, its high stakes and potential impact on humanity drive the urgency of the characters' actions.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Art Blum.

[Art Blum]

Art's 10 most interesting things.
I learned my story is more interesting than I imagined.
A. Most unique about your villain and hero:
Dr. Blaine's complex past as a former psychic channel and her tragic connection to Teddy adds depth to her villain role. We discover she killed her childhood friend and wants to resurrect him.
Ryan’s guilt and trauma from his past actions at Hermes, coupled with his struggle to control his powers and find a normal life, make him a compelling and sympathetic hero.
B. Major hook of your opening scene:
The opening scene with the Hermes kids discussing their failure and the revelation of Star Rover’s abilities sets up the central conflict and mystery of the series. Psychic kids could not locate an enemy but seven-year old Star Rover blows them out of the water.
C. Turning points and spectacular moments of change:
Maria’s sudden abandonment of Ryan to protect her own family is a dramatic turning point that leaves Ryan truly alone and vulnerable.
Ryan’s decision to use his powers to save the bully from the peanut allergy, despite the risk of exposure, is a pivotal moment that showcases his inherent heroism.
D. Emotional dilemma:
Ryan must choose between his desire for a normal life and his responsibility to prevent Hermes from using his powers for nefarious purposes.
E. Major twists:
The revelation that Seth has been secretly gathering evidence against Hermes for years and is now using it as leverage to protect Ryan is a significant twist that raises the stakes.
F. Reversals:
Coleman’s initial hostility towards Ryan is reversed when he witnesses Ryan's selfless act of saving the bully, leading him to become an unexpected ally.
G. Character betrayals:
While not explicitly a betrayal, the revelation that Seth may not be the protector Ryan thought he was can feel like a betrayal and adds complexity to their relationship.
H. Big surprises:
The sudden appearance of Teddy and the other Christopher Project kids in Star Rover's visions is a surprising and eerie moment that hints at a deeper mystery.
Other things that could interest a producer:
1. The exploration of complex moral dilemmas and the blurred lines between good and evil.
2. The high stakes of the impending celestial event and its potential impact on humanity.
3. The rich world-building and the mysteries surrounding the alien consciousness and the true nature of psychic powers.
4. The potential for intense action sequences and visual effects, such as Ryan’s visions and the confrontations with Hermes agents.
5. The complex web of character relationships and the way their individual arcs intersect and impact each other.
6. The themes of redemption, sacrifice, and the search for identity and purpose in the face of trauma and adversity.
Top 10 most interesting things:
1. Ryan’s struggle to control his powers and find a normal life while grappling with the guilt and trauma of his past actions at Hermes.
2. Dr. Blaine’s complex past as a former psychic channel and her tragic connection to Teddy, adding depth to her villain role.
3. The opening scene’s hook with the Hermes kids discussing their failure and the revelation of Star Rover's abilities, setting up the central conflict and mystery.
4. Maria’s sudden abandonment of Ryan to protect her own family, leaving him truly alone and vulnerable.
5. Ryan’s pivotal decision to use his powers to save the bully from the peanut allergy, showcasing his inherent heroism.
6. Seth’s secret evidence against Hermes and his use of it as leverage to protect Ryan, raising the stakes.
7. Coleman’s reversal from hostility to unexpected ally after witnessing Ryan's selfless act.
8. The exploration of complex moral dilemmas and the blurred lines between good and evil.
9. The high stakes of the impending celestial event and its potential impact on humanity.
10. The rich world-building and the mysteries surrounding the alien consciousness and the true nature of psychic powers.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Art Blum.

[Art Blum]

Art Producer v Manager
Through this exercise, I learned the importance of tailoring my pitch to different audiences, emphasizing different aspects of my work to resonate with managers and producers. I also honed my ability to succinctly communicate my strengths and the essence of my project, essential skills for navigating the entertainment industry.
To the manager:
I’m Art Blum, a proud member of the Writers Guild of America. With a track record of successful sales, I bring to the table three highly marketable screenplays and two compelling pilots. What sets my work apart is not just its marketability but also my ability to collaborate seamlessly with producers, ensuring that the vision translates smoothly to the screen.
For the producer pitch:
Imagine a world where the line between humanity and otherworldly forces blurs, where the very essence of power is at play. Go Your Way In Safety' is not just another sci-fi psychological drama; it’s a gripping narrative of suspense and intrigue. Ryan, isn’t just a teenage outcast with psychic abilities; he’s a symbol of resilience and the power of self-acceptance in the face of overwhelming odds. With themes of power exploitation and the triumph of the human spirit.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Art Blum.

[Art Blum]

What I learned is how to use the unique components of my story to make a marketable pitch.
1. Unique:
My story combines elements of science fiction, supernatural horror, and psychological drama in a distinctive way. The concept of children with psychic abilities being exploited by a sinister government agency experimenting with alien consciousness is fresh and intriguing. It sets your story apart from other sci-fi or supernatural series.
2. Timely:
My story tackles themes that are particularly relevant in today's world, such as the exploitation of vulnerable individuals, the misuse of power by authority figures, and the importance of mental health and self-acceptance. These themes resonate with current social and political issues, making my story timely and connected to ongoing conversations.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Art Blum.

[Art Blum]

Art – Project and Market
What I learned today?
In thinking about the journey we’ve been on in this class I had this thought about my project. Through Ryan's journey of accepting his psychic abilities and his past, I learn to embrace my own unique qualities, talents, and experiences that set me apart. This can help me develop greater self-acceptance and confidence.

Log Line:
In a world where psychic abilities are exploited, a teenage outcast must confront his haunted past and embrace his power to channel spirits when a sinister government agency's experiment to merge alien consciousness with humans threatens the fate of humanity and the lives of those he holds dear.
Concept:
"'Go Your Way In Safety' is a sci-fi psychological drama that follows Ryan, a teenage outcast with the psychic ability to channel spirits. When a sinister government agency known as Hermes begins experimenting with merging alien consciousness into human hosts, Ryan must confront his haunted past and embrace his powers to protect humanity and those he loves.
As Ryan navigates the challenges of his newfound responsibilities, he faces personal struggles with identity, trust, and sacrifice. He forges deep bonds with his classmates and uncovers a web of conspiracies that threaten to unravel his world. With the fate of humanity hanging in the balance, Ryan must make difficult choices and confront the truth about his own existence to save those he holds dear and find his place in the world.
'Go Your Way In Safety' explores themes of belonging, the consequences of exploiting power, and the resilience of the human spirit in the face of overwhelming odds. It combines elements of science fiction, supernatural horror, and psychological drama to create a gripping and emotionally resonant story that will keep audiences on the edge of their seats."
The most attractive element:
The complex and relatable characters, particularly the protagonist's struggle with his identity and abilities, which can foster a strong emotional connection with viewers.
Who will I target first?
Producers and production companies who have a proven track record in science fiction, supernatural, or psychological drama. I feel this will increase the likelihood of finding the right champions for my project

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Art Blum.

[Art Blum]

I learned to spend more time setting the atmosphere and tone of Hermes and clarifying the characters.
Before: MARIA, 60, a weathered-faced Hispanic woman straightens the T-shirt of slight 14-year-old RYAN GORDON. Her head askew at the ferocious wolf emblazoned on his shirt.

After: MARIA, 60, her face etched with the lines of a life filled with struggle and sacrifice, gently tugs at the T-shirt of…

RYAN GORDON, 14, a scrawny boy with haunted eyes that seem to carry the weight of the world. As she straightens the fabric, her gaze lingers on the ferocious, snarling wolf emblazoned on his shirt. The contrast between the boy’s slight frame and the fierce creature on his chits hints at the duality of his nature.
I added subtext. Maria shows concern about Ryan. I added subtext. The snarling wolf on his shirt hints at Ryan’s dual nature.

Before: Fat, sloppy SETH ROEMER, 48, chomps a Popsicle as he drives. Cigarette butts and beer cans litter the floor.

After: SETH ROEMER, 48, a man whose one-imposing frame has been ravaged by years of self-neglect slouches behind the wheel of his car, a half-eaten Popsicle dangling from his lips. A wasteland of cigarette butts and beer cans litter the car floor.
I made Seth unique. I gave him more characteristics.

Before: Dr. Blaine paces up and down rows of cubicles. In the cubicles are KIDS, all wearing white jump suits, all in trances. They’re all drawing alien landscapes, alien technology, alien beings, and some kind of symbols.

Drawings fill the walls.

Dr. Blaine picks up the symbols kids are drawing. She dashes out of the room.

After: Dr. Blaine paces the confines of a small, windowless room. Her eyes, sharp and calculating scan the room.

The walls, floor and ceiling are a blinding white, creating a claustrophobic, almost clinical atmosphere, Up and down rows of cubicles. In the cubicles sit KIDS, all wearing white jump suits, all in trances.

They’re all drawing alien landscapes, alien technology, alien beings, and some kind of symbols.

Drawings fill the walls.

Dr. Blaine picks up the symbols the kids are drawing. She dashes out of the room.
I worked on creating the world, setting the tone.

[Art Blum]

I learned that I naturally put in irony into much of the description.
The unique sub-world: Hermes
The sterile white walls of the workstation are a stark contrast to the vivid, otherworldly images that cover them. Dr. Blaine, her lab coat billowing behind here, strides purposefully down the rows of cubicles, her heels clicking on the polished floor with each measured step. The sound echoes through the eerie silence, broken only by the soft scratching of pencils on paper.
In each cubicle, a child sits motionless, their eyes glazed and unfocused. The white jumpsuits they wear are a uniform of conformity, a symbol of their captivity in this strange, clinical world. Their hands move with a mechanical precision, guided by an unseen force as they sketch out scenes of alien landscapes, technology beyond human comprehension, and strange, cryptic symbols.

Before: MARIA, 60, a weathered-faced Hispanic woman straightens the T-shirt of slight 14-year-old RYAN GORDON. Her head askew at the ferocious, snarling wolf emblazoned on his shirt.

After: MARIA, 60, her face etched with the lines of a life filled with struggle and sacrifice, gently tugs at the shirt of

RYAN GORDON, 14, a scrawny boy with haunted eyes that seem to carry the weight of the world. As she straightens the fabric, her gaze lingers on the ferocious wolf emblazoned on the shirt, its jaws frozen in a perpetual snarl. The contrast between the boy’s slight frame and the fierce creature on his chest hints at the duality of his nature.

Before: Fat, sloppy SETH ROEMER, 48, chomps a Popsicle as he drives. Cigarette butts and beer cans litter the floor.

After: SETH ROEMER, 48, a man whose once-imposing frame has been ravaged by years of self-neglect, slouches behind the wheel of his car, a half-eaten Popsicle dangling from his lips. A wasteland of cigarette butts and empty beer cans, the detritus of a life spiraling out of control fill the vehicle.

DR. ROBERTA BLAINE (47), a regal, in-charge woman paces around a tiny windowless room, bright white, floor to ceiling.

After: DR. ROBERTA BLAINE, 47, an imposing figure with an air of authority that commands respect, paces the confines of a small, windowless room. The walls, floor, and ceiling are a blinding white, creating a claustrophobic, almost clinical atmosphere. Despite her regal bearing, there’s a tension in her movements, a coiled energy that suggests a woman on the brink of something momentous. Her eyes, sharp and calculating, scan the room.
Irony:
1. “Ryan pedals fast. The wind blows back his dirty blond hair. His mountain bike whizzes past dilapidated homes, an abandoned tire factory, and a vacant lot.”

The irony here lies in the contrast between Ryan’s speed and energy as he rides his bike, and the lifeless, decaying surroundings he passes through. The juxtaposition of youth and vitality against a backdrop of abandonment and decay creates a subtle irony.

2. “Fat, sloppy SETH ROEMER, 48, chomps a Popsicle as he drives. Cigarette butts and beer cans litter the floor. A bright flash. He spots his fragment of the medallion glowing.”
The irony in this description comes from the contrast between Seth’s unhealthy, self-destructive lifestyle (evident from his appearance and the state of his car) and the sudden, mystical appearance of the glowing medallion fragment. The divine or supernatural element is at odds with the character’s mundane, troubled existence.

3. “DR. ROBERTA BLAINE (47), a regal, in-charge woman paces around a tiny windowless room, bright white, floor to ceiling.”
The irony here stems from the juxtaposition of Dr. Blaine’s commanding, authoritative presence and the small, confining space she finds herself in. The description of the room as “bright white” also contrasts with the potential darkness or secrecy of her actions and the organization she represents.

[Art Blum]

Art’s Description:
1: Before: Ryan pedals fast. The wind blows back his dirty blond hair.”
Improve to: “Ryan’s legs pump furiously, propelling him forward as the wind whips through his sun-streaked hair, transforming it into a wild, untamed mane.”
2: Before: “Nickels swats away the knife. Slams Dr. Blaine’s head through the plasterboard. Flings her back onto a desk. Ribs CRACK.”
Improve to: “Nickels’ hand shoots out like a striking cobra, knocking the knife from Dr. Blaine’s grasp. In a blur of motion, he grabs her head and smashes it through the plasterboard, the sickening crunch of breaking bone filling the air as he flings her onto the desk like a rag doll.”
3: Before: “Seth coughs up blood.”
Improve to: “Seth doubles over, his body wracking with violent coughs as crimson droplets splatter against his pale, trembling hands.”
4: Before: “Ryan notices the curtains billowing inward. He looks outside.”
Improve to: “Ryan’s gaze, drawn to the curtains, their delicate fabric dancing in the breeze like ghostly apparitions. Moving closer, he peers through the window. His heart sinks as he notices the empty driveway.”
5: Before: “The senior spots a kid holding a candy bar and snatches it.”
Improve to: “The senior’s eyes lock onto a kid clutching a candy bar. With a swift, predatory motion, he lunges forward, ripping the treat from the child’s grasp, a cruel smirk playing across his lips.”

[Art Blum]

Art B has great dialogue.

Original line: “We’re in space. They sent us out on a far-away journey.” – Teddy explaining to Star Rover where the Christopher Project kids are

Improved: “We’re out there, Star. Drifting among the stars. They cast us away, like we were nothing more than their broken playthings.”

Subtext, the dialogue now hints at deeper emotions and themes, such as the characters’ sense of abandonment, their yearning for freedom and closure. The improved lines provide a more nuanced understanding of the characters’ inner lives and the stakes they face.

Original dialogue: “But, wouldn’t you die?” (Star Rover) “Afraid so. That’s the point.” (Teddy) – Exchange about the kids crashing their ship into an asteroid

Improved:

Star Rover: “But if you do this, you’ll never come back.”

Teddy: “Sometimes, the only way to be free is to let go, once and for all.”

Ironic dialogue: The intended meaning of the words is different from their literal interpretation. In the improved line “Sometimes, the only way to be free is to let go, once and for all,” Teddy is ironically referring to the idea that the only way to escape their situation is through death.

Original dialogue: “You gave me, gave all of us a faded shadow of what it’s like to be human again.” – Teddy’s parting words to Star Rover.

Improved: “In this cold, endless void, you were the flicker of warmth that reminded us of the lives we left behind. The dreams we once dared to dream.”

Speaking through character profile: The impact of their bond, the burdens of guilt, and the hope for a fresh start.

Original dialogue: “I have a few more monsters to kill before I die, old girl.” – Seth at Tiny’s grave before confronting Hermes

Improved: “Rest easy, old friend. I’ve got one last hunt ahead of me. Time to face the demons that haunt us both.”

Subtext, the dialogue now hints at deeper emotions and themes, such as the burdens of guilt, and the hope for redemption. The improved lines provide a more nuanced understanding of the characters’ inner lives and the stakes they face.

Original dialogue: “You bury Star Rover and all those men who were killed won’t be on your conscience anymore.” – Seth helping young Ryan leave his past behind.

Improved: “Lay Star Rover to rest, kid. Let the earth take the weight of those memories, so your heart can be light again.”

Subtext: This is a chance for redemption.

[Art Blum]

What I learned is that by adding these techniques radically increases the depth of my script.

DIALOGUE AS ACTION:

HALLWAY

Addison disappears and the kids are high school kids again. Ryan’s gasping, staring every which way.

And huge, Blake Coleman pushes him against a locker.

COLEMAN

What are you staring at, freak?

RYAN

Nothing.

COLEMAN

Something’s strange about you, dude.

Ryan breaks away and races up the steps to the second floor.

At the top of the steps, Indigo jumps out, shocking him.

INDIGO

What was that all about?

RYAN

Coleman, he….

INDIGO

Not Coleman. You saw something.

RYAN

I don’t see things.

INDIGO

Over here.

She leads Ryan to a stairway away from student traffic.

RYAN

I think maybe you’re seeing something in me that’s just not there.

INDIGO

Show me.

RYAN

Don’t know what you’re talking about.

They lock eyes. Seconds pass. Ryan thinks for a beat.

RYAN

Okay.

They interlace their hands, raise them above their heads and touch foreheads. They close their eyes.

INDIGO’S VISION:

EXT. FIRE STATION – NIGHT

Holding hands, her MOTHER walks 5-year old Indigo to a fire station. The mother leans down and kisses her.

MOTHER

I’m so sorry, sweetie. I have to go. I want you to stay here till I’m gone, and then go into that fire station. The firemen will help you.

Indigo’s mother abandons her and disappears in the night. Indigo ventures toward the fire station.

RYAN’S VISION

INT. RYAN’S CHILDHOOD HOME – DAY

7-year-old Ryan sits at home with his PARENTS and his big brother, Nickels. Hermes agents smash open doors and burst into the house. Just as the parents stand up, a burst of GUNFIRE. They fall dead. The agents acquire Ryan and Nickels.

The above demonstrates dialogue in action as Indigo demands Ryan show her who he really is.

SUBTEXT:

INT. CONSULTATION ROOM – DAY

Wheezing, Seth shambles into the room. A conference table acts as a barricade between him and Dr. Blaine.

DR. BLAINE

Sorry about your diagnosis, Seth.

SETH

I’m deeply touched. Did you get my memo where I say I’m taking your sorry ass with me?

DR. BLAINE

I received it. Thank you.

SETH

That was just the movie trailer. I got the whole file on a thumb drive.

DR. BLAINE

Noted, sit down.

Seth sits down.

DR. BLAINE

If you don’t mind me asking, what are you going to do now? I mean you’re like a ghost. Your files are highly classified and you never talk.

SETH

Aren’t we all about secrets, Roberta?

DR. BLAINE

Any family to take care of you?

SETH

I’m touched by your concern. A wife.

Dr. Blaine checks her files.

DR. BLAINE

Emma. Nice name. You did have a child once, a little girl-stillborn.

SETH

Drop it. That’s off limits.

DR. BLAINE

It says you wrapped her body in a white terry cloth towel and snuck her out of the hospital. Why?

Seth’s eyes tear up.

SETH

Took her to the zoo. Showed her a baby goat she’d never get to pet, a pony she’d never get to ride, all the little children she’d never get to meet, and we strolled back to the hospital under a starry sky she’d never get to see. That’s why.

Seth slumps in his chair.

SETH

Two days later we buried her. Never visited her grave or spoke of her again. Not even now. Never had any more children.

Set gulps back some tears.

Subtext: Seth’s story reveals his deep emotional pain and the weight of the loss he carries with him. Dr. Blaine says she’s sorry about Seth’s diagnosis, when she wishes him dead. She only wants his thumb drive.

[Art Blum]

I learned or had reinforced that dialogue can serve more than one purpose at the same time.

1. Setup/Payoff

Visual: St. Christopher medallion.

Before:

SETH

I’m giving you something special with your piece, Ryan. I’m sending you my strongest angel. If Nickel’s or me can’t be there, he’ll be there.

After:

SETH

This may look like a scrap of tin but this piece is special. It comes with my strongest angel. If Nickels or I can’t be there, he’ll always be there.

The St. Christopher medallion is introduced early on as an important artifact and serves as a setup, and the payoff comes later when Ryan uses the medallion to communicate with Teddy and helps him locate people for Hermes. I tried to increase the intrigue.

2. Anticipatory dialogue:

Before: It’s almost over for us, Star. But not for you. You can fight back.

After: I built the moment and gave Star a goal.

TEDDY

I’m here, Star Rover. Along with the other lost ones. It’s almost over for us, Star.

STAR ROVER

No, Teddy, please.

TEDDY

But not for you. You’ve got to fight back. Those people you help find for Hermes…Listen, kid. They kill them.

Brief flashes of all the bodies Star located for Hermes. Star’s jaw drops.

STAR ROVER

I won’t help them anymore.

TEDDY

Be tough. Don’t let them push you around. Star, we have to go now.

STAR ROVER

No, Teddy, wait.

3. Irony:

I added irony in my after example. Despite denying his abilities, Ryan proceeds to share a vision with Indigo by touching her hand.

Before:

INDIGO

What was that all about?

RYAN

Don’t know what you’re talking about.

INDIGO

Yes, you do. I saw you down there. You saw something.

RYAN

I don’t see things.

INDIGO

You look like you’ve seen a ghost.

RYAN

I think maybe you’re seeing something in me that’s just not there.

After

RYAN

I don’t see things.

INDIGO

Over here.

She leads Ryan to a stairway away from student traffic.

RYAN

I think maybe you’re seeing something in me that’s just not there.

INDIGO

Show me.

RYAN

Don’t know what you’re talking about.

They lock eyes. Seconds pass. Ryan thinks for a beat.

RYAN

Okay.

They interlace their hands, raise them above their heads and touch foreheads. They close their eyes.

INDIGO’S VISION:

EXT. FIRE STATION – NIGHT

Holding hands, her MOTHER walks 5-year old Indigo to a fire station. The mother leans down and kisses her.

[Art Blum]

I learned the scene really comes alive when people attack each other and learn from each other.

Before my revision:

EXT. INDIGO’S HOME – DAY

Ryan steps out of the house. Indigo meets him there.

INDIGO

You okay?

Ryan nods weakly.

INDIGO

Gram’s readings can be intense.

RYAN

About the kids in Art Class drawing the same stuff as me… You were the only one who saw my drawings.

INDIGO

So? You think I told everyone in the school what you draw?

RYAN

Nah. Guess I have a bunch of strange little quirks I never knew I had.

INDIGO

Don’t we all.

RYAN

I think I’m going to go now. See you tomorrow?

INDIGO

School. Catch you later.

After my revision:

EXT. INDIGO’S HOME – DAY

Ryan steps out of the house, visibly shaken. Indigo approaches him, concern etched on her face.

INDIGO You alright?

Ryan nods, but his eyes betray his inner turmoil.

INDIGO Madame Olga’s sessions can be heavy.

RYAN Yeah, heavy is an understatement.

INDIGO What’s on your mind?

RYAN It’s about my drawings. Everyone’s drawing them. But you’re the only one who saw them.

INDIGO: What, you think I’d talk to anyone about your stupid drawings. You’re delirious.

RYAN: Or, I’m seeing things clearly for the first time.

INDIGO: Or, we’re all connected in ways we don’t fully understand.

RYAN: But how? Why?

INDIGO: Maybe it’s the universe’s way of telling us we’re not as alone as we think.

RYAN: I hope you’re right. I don’t meet many people like you. Not anymore.

INDIGO Welcome to the club. (pats him on the back.) We’ll figure it out. Together.

RYAN Thanks, Indigo. I appreciate it.

INDIGO No problem. Take care of yourself, okay?

RYAN You too.

Indigo watches Ryan leave, her expression thoughtful as she contemplates the mysteries swirling around them.

[Art Blum]

What I learned is that even good characters have to have one trait that produces tension and goes against their good intentions. I also learned that I can go overboard trying to make my characters all sound different like they’re unique individuals. My psychic’s dialogue is laughable. My Hispanic guardian speaks in Spanish too much.

#6. Characters need more depth. Indigo is an instant ally of Ryan. Make her have a secret agenda. She wants to keep him from finding his medallion because it has powers that may convince him to flip and work with Hermes. Ryan needs to struggle more when he realizes he can never fit in or be a normal teen.

#8. Weak scenes: Too many flashbacks are interrupting the linear drive. I may combine the flashbacks or eliminate them so the store can unfold in a more linear way.

#11. When do I reveal what? There are so many story questions that are answered in later episodes but create confusion and need to be hinted at in the pilot.

#12 Cliché scenes: Sgt. Davenport comes off as a stereotypical military guy. Maybe soften him

[Art Blum]

I sometimes gloss over things. The grid helped me focus on problems and I picked the ones I felt could be improved.

#11. Weak Transformational Journey.

Character Profile for Ryan Gordon:

A. Role: Protagonist and central figure of the conflict.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise: Psychic abilities that allow him to channel spirits and transfer visions.

C. Traits: Socially awkward (negative), empathetic, resourceful, and brave.

D. Empathetic: His vulnerability and desire for normalcy make us root for him.

E. Secrets: His past involvement with a government project that exploited his abilities.

F. Wound: The traumatic loss of his family and brother.

G. Motivation – Want/Need: Wants to live a normal life; needs to reconcile with his past.

H. Weaknesses: His social awkwardness and tendency to transfer visions unintentionally.

I. Triggers: Reminders of his past and the Hermes agency.

J. Internal Dilemma: Desire for a normal life vs. the responsibility of his powers.

IMPROVEMENT: Flesh out Ryan’s internal dilemma to show more of his struggle between wanting a normal life and the pull of his destiny.

#6 Need Stronger Midpoint.

The midpoint twist reveals the broader implications of Ryan’s abilities and the danger he poses to others. The third act shows Ryan’s impact on his peers, while the fourth act ramps up the tension with Hermes closing in. The fifth act leaves Ryan in a precarious position, setting up the series journey.

IMPROVEMENT: The third act could delve deeper into Ryan’s internal conflict to heighten emotional investment. Consider adding more personal stakes for Ryan in the fourth act to amplify the urgency.

#13 Not enough Intrigue

MYSTERY, LAYERS, AND REVEALS

The main mystery is Ryan’s past and the true nature of his abilities. Plot layers include the government’s secret project and their plans for Ryan. Character layers involve Ryan’s true identity and his connection to other characters. Situation layers include the potential consequences of Ryan’s powers and the looming celestial event.

IMPROVEMENT: Introduce more layers early on, such as hints at Ryan’s deeper connections to other characters, to create more intrigue.

#14 Not enough subtext

The dialogue reflects the characters’ profiles well. The best lines are those that reveal character motivations and internal conflict. Some lines feel a bit on the nose and could be reworked for subtlety.

IMPROVEMENT: Reduce exposition in dialogue and allow more subtext to convey character intentions and story developments.

In summary:

Deepen Ryan’s internal dilemma to enhance audience empathy.

1. Add personal stakes for Ryan in the fourth act to increase tension.

2. Introduce more layers and mysteries early on to create intrigue.

3. Rework some dialogue to reduce exposition and increase subtext.

[Art Blum]

Finished my first draft! I sent my script to We Screenplay just to see what a professional reader thought. I got a CONSIDER and ranked in the Top 7% of all the scripts they get in the category of structure. Top 23% in dialogue. I was thrilled as it’s my first draft and I know I can still make it much much better.

[Art Blum]

Writing the scenes made me see much better my story coming together. I learned the little character moments were more powerful than the action stuff to me.

Rule 1: Use empowering self-talk. Cheer yourself on. I consistently cheer myself on.

Rule 2: Understand writing in drafts. Consistently.

Rule 3: Choose speed over quality for EARLY drafts. Consistently.

Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue) without all the answers. Consistently.

Rule 5: Keep moving. Don’t allow yourself to stall out. Consistently.

Rule 6: even if you can’t create it now, you will be able to at some point in the future. Consistently.

[Art Blum]

I learned it’s good to write in a group setting where you are constantly encouraged.

Rule 1: Use empowering self-talk. Cheer yourself on. I consistently cheer myself on. In fact, I always feel I’m doing a great job.

Rule 2: Understand writing in drafts. Consistently. I know that once I get feedback, I’ll be able to improve my story.

Rule 3: Choose speed over quality for EARLY drafts. Consistently. It’s easier to rewrite than to write.

Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue) without all the answers. Consistently. I’ve never had all the answers when I start. And probably won’t have them all after 15 drafts. You always come up with new ideas.

Rule 5: Keep moving. Don’t allow yourself to stall out. Consistently. Don’t give up!

Rule 6: even if you can’t create it now, you will be able to at some point in the future. Consistently. You’ll always find ways to make things work better.

[Art Blum]

What I learned is that after writing a scene, I feel so different than writing the outline. The characters come to life and I’m always getting new incites and ideas. I always feel I’m doing a great job even though when I get feedback sometimes, it’s only so-so. I guess when you’re in the bubble, it’s sometimes hard to be analytical.

[Art Blum]

I just wanted to re post to see if this works batter..

TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. STARRY SKY – NIGHT

A clear night sky with a trillion twinkling stars.

INSERT: “IF AN EGG IS BROKEN BY AN OUTSIDE FORCE, LIFE ENDS. IF IT IS BROKEN BY AN INSIDE FORCE, LIFE BEGINS.

GREAT THINGS ALWAYS BEGIN FROM THE INSIDE.” JIM KWIK

INT. BUNGALO – DAY

MARIA, 60, a weathered-faced Hispanic woman straightens the T-shirt of slight 14-year-old RYAN GORDON. Her head askew at the ferocious wolf emblazoned on his shirt.

MARIA
You’re sure this is the shirt you want to wear?

RYAN
It says “stay away.” That’s what we want, right?

MARIA
No eye contact. Solo habla…

RYAN
…when spoken to.

Maria hugs him and Ryan’s off.

EXT. RUN DOWN AREA OF AKRON, OHIO – DAY

Ryan pedals fast. The wind blows back his dirty blond hair.

His mountain bike whizzes past dilapidated homes, an abandoned tire factory, and a vacant lot.

He zooms up an inclined sidewalk and jumps a toy wagon.

DR. BLAINE
Cut this I-can’t-do-it crap!

Ryan breaths hard, rides faster.

FLASHBACK

INT. SAFE HOUSE – NIGHT

DR. ROBERTA BLAINE (47), a regal, in-charge woman paces around a tiny windowless room, bright white, floor to ceiling.

She pulls back the droopy head of a seven-year-old boy code named: STAR ROVER, seated facing the TV. Star’s Ryan at 7.

Star wears a T-shirt with a lone wolf emblazoned on the front. His cheek is red and swollen. He holds TINY, a black terrier.

DR. BLAINE
You’re making me look bad. And that’s not good for you. Now, look at the pictures. Locate the target.

Dr. Blaine shows Star old B&W photos: homes, and people.

DR. BLAINE
Locations!

She whispers in his ear.

DR. BLAINE
Ask Jimmy.

STAR ROVER
You’re going to kill them?

DR. BLAINE
Before they kill us.

Star Rover scowls, uncooperative. Dr. Blaine scoops up Tiny.

DR. BLAINE
Dogs really aren’t allowed here. I made an exception for you.

BACK TO PRESENT:

EXT. MEAN STREETS OF AKRON – DAY

Ryan zooms, running from the bad memories. He jumps a four-foot hedge. Zips onto a street. Weaves between cars.

FLASHBACK:

INT. SAFE HOUSE – DAY

Star’s necklace which holds a fragment of a St. Christopher medallion starts pulsating light. Star wraps his hand around the medallion, closes his eyes and seems to go into a trance.

INT. SAFE HOUSE – NICKEL’S ROOM – NIGHT

Lying in bed, NICKELS, (16), Star Rover’s muscular half-brother sees his fragment of the medallion pulsate light. He jumps to his feet. Rams his shoulder into the door.

INT. SETH’S CAR – TRAVELING – NIGHT

Fat, sloppy SETH ROEMER, 48, chomps a popsicle as he drives. Cigarette butts and beer cans litter the floor. A bright flash. He spots his fragment of the medallion glowing. He swerves. Makes a U. Slams down on the gas.

INT. SAFE HOUSE – STAR ROVER’S ROOM – NIGHT

POUNDING and SCREAMS from people behind the wall.

Dr. Blaine looks around in wild-eyed confusion.

SCREAMING FROM THE HALLWAY.

The door CRASHES open. Nickels bursts in. Star Rover snaps out of his stupor. The pulsating light dies.

STAR ROVER
Nickels!

Seeing Star Rover’s puffed-up teary eye, Nickels loses it. Charges Dr. Blaine. She jabs a serrated knife in the air.

DR. BLAINE
Backup is on the way. I suggest you…

Nickels swats away the knife. Slams Dr. Blaine’s head through the plasterboard. Flings her back onto a desk. ~Ribs CRACK.

STAR ROVER
Nickels, stop! ~You’ll kill her.

Nickels drops her. Star Rover cringes when she hits the floor. ~

NICKELS
Run!

They scramble out of the room with Tiny chasing them.

EXT. MEAN STREETS OF AKRON – MORNING

Ryan rips past a sign that reads, ENTIRE BLOCK FOR SALE.

FLASHBACK:

INT. SAFE HOUSE – HALL – DAY

Nickels blasts down the hallway. Trailing him, Star Rover spots two groaning GUARDS on the ground, coming to.

A squad of six helmeted men dressed in black, and carrying assault rifles crash into the safe house.

A SOLDIER smashes the butt-end of his rifle into Nickels’ face. He falls to his knees. The soldier takes aim, about to shoot but the LEADER yanks his rifle.

LEADER
Idiot. We need him.

The leader motions to Star Rover. In a friendly voice.

LEADER
We’re not going to hurt you, son.

Star Rover sees the blood trickling down Nickels’ face. Nickels explodes to his feet and tackles three soldiers.

Another three SOLDIERS scramble toward Nickels. GUN SHOT. ~Nickels crumples to the ground.

STAR ROVER
Nickels!

Then from behind, SHOTS FIRED. Two soldiers go down. Star Rover turns and sees Seth blasting away. Soldiers SHOOT back.

BACK TO PRESENT

EXT. MEAN STREETS OF AKRON – DAY

Riding furiously, Ryan grasps the back of a RUMBLING truck.

FLASHBACK

INT. SAFE HOUSE – DAY

Seth grabs Star Rover and dashes out of the room through a back door. Star Rover tries to break free from Seth.

STAR ROVER
I have to help Nickels.

SETH
He’s gone.

They race out of the room.

BACK TO PRESENT

EXT. MEAN STREETS OF AKRON – DAY

Ryan spots a monstrous school, lets go of the truck, veers toward the school.

END TEASER:

[Art Blum]

<div>What I learned is that by writing out the scenes you have a much clearer idea of how the story works than you do by looking at the outline. After writing a scene I have to go back to the outline and make changes I didn’t think I needed until I see how the thing plays out, if that makes sense. I don’t know how this all works as I’m going back and forth in time. Hope it works!</div>

GO YOUR WAY IN SAFETY

TEASER

FADE IN:<br role=”presentation”>EXT. STARRY SKY – NIGHT<br role=”presentation”>A clear night sky with a trillion twinkling stars.<br role=”presentation”>INSERT: “IF AN EGG IS BROKEN BY AN OUTSIDE FORCE, LIFE ENDS.<br role=”presentation”>IF IT IS BROKEN BY AN INSIDE FORCE, LIFE BEGINS.<br role=”presentation”>GREAT THINGS ALWAYS BEGIN FROM THE INSIDE.” JIM KWIK<br role=”presentation”>INT. BUNGALO – DAY<br role=”presentation”>MARIA, 60, a weathered-faced Hispanic woman straightens the<br role=”presentation”>T-shirt of slight 14-year-old RYAN GORDON. Her head askew at<br role=”presentation”>the ferocious wolf emblazoned on his shirt.<br role=”presentation”>MARIA<br role=”presentation”>You’re sure this is the shirt you<br role=”presentation”>want to wear?<br role=”presentation”>RYAN<br role=”presentation”>It says “stay away.” That’s what we<br role=”presentation”>want, right?<br role=”presentation”>MARIA<br role=”presentation”>No eye contact. Solo habla…<br role=”presentation”>RYAN<br role=”presentation”>…when spoken to.<br role=”presentation”>Maria hugs him and Ryan’s off.<br role=”presentation”>EXT. RUN DOWN AREA OF AKRON, OHIO – DAY<br role=”presentation”>Ryan pedals fast. The wind blows back his dirty blond hair.<br role=”presentation”>His mountain bike whizzes past dilapidated homes, an abandoned<br role=”presentation”>tire factory, and a vacant lot.<br role=”presentation”>He zooms up an inclined sidewalk and jumps a toy wagon.<br role=”presentation”>DR. BLAINE (V.O.)<br role=”presentation”>Cut this I-can’t-do-it crap!<br role=”presentation”>Ryan breaths hard, rides faster.<br role=”presentation”>FLASHBACK<br role=”presentation”>INT. SAFE HOUSE – NIGHT<br role=”presentation”>DR. ROBERTA BLAINE (47), a regal, in-charge woman paces around<br role=”presentation”>a tiny windowless room, bright white, floor to ceiling.2.<br role=”presentation”>She pulls back the droopy head of a seven-year-old boy code<br role=”presentation”>named: STAR ROVER, seated facing the TV. Star’s Ryan at age 7.<br role=”presentation”>Star wears a T-shirt with a lone wolf emblazoned on the front.<br role=”presentation”>His cheek is red and swollen. He holds TINY, a black terrier.<br role=”presentation”>DR. BLAINE<br role=”presentation”>You’re making me look bad. And that’s<br role=”presentation”>not good for you. Now, look at the<br role=”presentation”>pictures. Locate the target.<br role=”presentation”>Dr. Blaine shows Star old B&W photos: homes, and people.<br role=”presentation”>DR. BLAINE<br role=”presentation”>Locations!<br role=”presentation”>She whispers in his ear.<br role=”presentation”>DR. BLAINE<br role=”presentation”>Ask Jimmy.<br role=”presentation”>STAR ROVER<br role=”presentation”>You’re going to kill them?<br role=”presentation”>DR. BLAINE<br role=”presentation”>Before they kill us.<br role=”presentation”>Star Rover scowls, uncooperative. Dr. Blaine scoops up Tiny.<br role=”presentation”>DR. BLAINE<br role=”presentation”>Dogs really aren’t allowed here. I<br role=”presentation”>made an exception for you.<br role=”presentation”>BACK TO PRESENT:<br role=”presentation”>EXT. MEAN STREETS OF AKRON – DAY<br role=”presentation”>Ryan zooms, running from the bad memories. He jumps a four-<br role=”presentation”>foot hedge. Zips onto a street. Weaves between cars.<br role=”presentation”>FLASHBACK:<br role=”presentation”>INT. SAFE HOUSE – DAY<br role=”presentation”>Star’s necklace which holds a fragment of a St. Christopher<br role=”presentation”>medallion starts pulsating light. Star wraps his hand around<br role=”presentation”>the medallion, closes his eyes and seems to go into a trance.<br role=”presentation”>INT. SAFE HOUSE – NICKEL’S ROOM – NIGHT<br role=”presentation”>Lying in bed, NICKELS, (16), Star Rover’s muscular half-<br role=”presentation”>brother sees his fragment of the medallion pulsate light. He<br role=”presentation”>jumps to his feet. Rams his shoulder into the door.<br role=”presentation”>INT. SETH’S CAR – TRAVELING – NIGHT<br role=”presentation”>Fat, sloppy SETH ROEMER, 48, chomps a popsicle as he drives.<br role=”presentation”>Cigarette butts and beer cans litter the floor. A bright<br role=”presentation”>flash. He spots his fragment of the medallion glowing. He<br role=”presentation”>swerves. Makes a U. Slams down on the gas.<br role=”presentation”>INT. SAFE HOUSE – STAR ROVER’S ROOM – NIGHT<br role=”presentation”>POUNDING and SCREAMS from people behind the wall.<br role=”presentation”>Dr. Blaine looks around in wild-eyed confusion.<br role=”presentation”>SCREAMING FROM THE HALLWAY.<br role=”presentation”>The door CRASHES open. Nickels bursts in. Star Rover snaps<br role=”presentation”>out of his stupor. The pulsating light dies.<br role=”presentation”>STAR ROVER<br role=”presentation”>Nickels!<br role=”presentation”>Seeing Star Rover’s puffed-up teary eye, Nickels loses it.<br role=”presentation”>Charges Dr. Blaine. She jabs a serrated knife in the air.<br role=”presentation”>DR. BLAINE<br role=”presentation”>Backup is on the way. I suggest you…<br role=”presentation”>Nickels swats away the knife. Slams Dr. Blaine’s head through<br role=”presentation”>the plasterboard. Flings her back onto a desk. Ribs CRACK.<br role=”presentation”>STAR ROVER<br role=”presentation”>Nickels, stop! You’ll kill her.<br role=”presentation”>Nickels drops her. Star Rover cringes when she hits the floor.<br role=”presentation”>NICKELS<br role=”presentation”>Run!<br role=”presentation”>They scramble out of the room with Tiny chasing them.<br role=”presentation”>EXT. MEAN STREETS OF AKRON – MORNING<br role=”presentation”>Ryan rips past a sign that reads, ENTIRE BLOCK FOR SALE.<br role=”presentation”>FLASHBACK:<br role=”presentation”>INT. SAFE HOUSE – HALL – DAY<br role=”presentation”>Nickels blasts down the hallway. Trailing him, Star Rover<br role=”presentation”>spots two groaning GUARDS on the ground, coming to.<br role=”presentation”>A squad of six helmeted men dressed in black, and carrying<br role=”presentation”>assault rifles crash into the safe house.4.<br role=”presentation”>A SOLDIER smashes the butt-end of his rifle into Nickels'<br role=”presentation”>face. He falls to his knees. The soldier takes aim, about to<br role=”presentation”>shoot but the LEADER yanks his rifle.<br role=”presentation”>LEADER<br role=”presentation”>Idiot. We need him.<br role=”presentation”>The leader motions to Star Rover. In a friendly voice.<br role=”presentation”>LEADER<br role=”presentation”>We’re not going to hurt you, son.<br role=”presentation”>Star Rover sees the blood trickling down Nickels’ face.<br role=”presentation”>Nickels explodes to his feet and tackles three soldiers.<br role=”presentation”>Another three SOLDIERS scramble toward Nickels. GUN SHOT.<br role=”presentation”>Nickels crumples to the ground.<br role=”presentation”>STAR ROVER<br role=”presentation”>Nickels!<br role=”presentation”>Then from behind, SHOTS FIRED. Two soldiers go down. Star<br role=”presentation”>Rover turns and sees Seth blasting away. Soldiers SHOOT back.<br role=”presentation”>BACK TO PRESENT<br role=”presentation”>EXT. MEAN STREETS OF AKRON – DAY<br role=”presentation”>Riding furiously, Ryan grasps the back of a RUMBLING truck.<br role=”presentation”>FLASHBACK<br role=”presentation”>INT. SAFE HOUSE – DAY<br role=”presentation”>Seth grabs Star Rover and dashes out of the room through a<br role=”presentation”>back door. Star Rover tries to break free from Seth.<br role=”presentation”>STAR ROVER<br role=”presentation”>I have to help Nickels.<br role=”presentation”>SETH<br role=”presentation”>He’s gone.<br role=”presentation”>They race out of the room.<br role=”presentation”>BACK TO PRESENT<br role=”presentation”>EXT. MEAN STREETS OF AKRON – DAY<br role=”presentation”>Ryan spots a monstrous school, lets go of the truck, veers<br role=”presentation”>toward the school.<br role=”presentation”>END TEASER:

[Art Blum]

This is my lesson 11 assignment as I couldn’t open the reply button on 11. I think my outline is getting very long. It’s longer than any feature outline I ever wrote. oh boy.

EXT. CITY STREETS – OPENING TEASER IMPROVED

Start: Who drives the scene?

<ul type=”disc”>

[Art Blum]

I’m learning to look at my project from a myriad of different ways.

Setup 1: The Cryptic Medallion 1: Possible reveal in a future episode: The medallion has an unknown alien connection or is it an angel. 2: Setup: Ryan receives the St. Christopher medallion from Seth. Seth mentions it belonged to one of the children who was killed and whose essence was put on a computer chip and shot into space. But it opens him to the universe.

Setup 2: Seth’s Sacrifice 1: Possible reveal in a future episode: Setup: Seth appears to sacrifice himself to save Ryan, leaving questions about his motives and background. Seth, before sacrificing himself, hints at a deeper purpose behind his actions, creating intrigue about his character.

Setup 3: The Aliens as Christopher Project Children 1: Possible reveal in a future episode: The true nature of the aliens and their connection to the Christopher Project. 2: Setup: Seth reveals a piece of information to Ryan about the aliens being the children from the Christopher Project. Setup: Seth briefly mentions the origins of the aliens, sparking curiosity but not providing the full explanation. Ryan sees the ethereal children. To end their purgatory, Ryan sees them crash their rocket into an asteroid. But are they really gone.

Setup 4: Killing Dr. Blaine Dilemma 1: Possible reveal in a future episode: Dr. Blaine’s role in the celestial experiment and potential redemption. Some souls from the Christopher Project urge Ryan to kill Dr. Blaine for their freedom. But one, Teddy begs Ryan not to. They were once in love as children. How it could be set up in the pilot: The haunted safe house scenes involve discussions about the only way to free the trapped souls, introducing the moral dilemma.

Setup 5: Meteor Shower Reanimation 1: Possible reveal in a future episode: The true purpose and consequences of the meteor shower. 2: Setup: A meteor shower becomes the catalyst for reanimation, but the reason behind it remains mysterious. 3: How it could be set up in the pilot: The meteor shower scenes hint at a connection to the ethereal kids’ empowerment, creating intrigue around the celestial events.

Setup 6: Dr. Blaine’s Sinister Past 1: Possible reveal in a future episode: Uncovering the details of Dr. Blaine’s dark history. 2: Setup: Clues and hints suggest that Dr. Blaine has a sinister past that catches up with her. As a child she was also a prisoner of Hermes and had channeling ability. She’s the one who channeled the spirits of the children onto microchips. 3: How it could be set up in the pilot: Flashbacks or subtle references to Dr. Blaine’s past create a sense of mystery around her character.

Setup 7: Ryan’s Escape Plan 1: Possible reveal in a future episode: The larger implications and challenges of Ryan’s escape plan. 2: Setup: Ryan, guided by Jimmy, executes a daring escape plan, but the full scope is not revealed. 3: How it could be set up in the pilot: The escape scenes showcase Jimmy’s guidance and hint at the complexities of their journey.

[Art Blum]

I’ve learned that the more angles I look at my project, the more ideas I get. I started out with a screenplay but I only used it as kind of clay as a starting point for my pilot and I think it’s evolved.

1: Crucible

Ryan, facing the relentless pursuit of Hermes, is put in a fight or flight scenario. If he runs, his friends at Hermes will figure out they warned him and be punished, even killed. If he stays, he puts himself at risk and possibly even other students, even Indigo.

2: Betrayal

Right now, an innocent bystander takes a picture of Ryan and sends it to the Internet where Hermes’ supercomputers capture the image and find him. What if, one of the kids who promised to keep mum, actually turns him in in exchange for some reward? Perhaps a bully is disgusted by his new ability to understand and feel the pain of others. This self-loathing could morph into anger directed at Ryan as the source of their unwanted change.

3: Forced Decision

Show more of the captive kids’ suffering under Hermes’ control? Hermes forces them to find Ryan. They’re tortured. This could motivate Ryan’s actions and increase the audience’s empathy.

4: Hurt Those They Love

Hermes threatens to harm those closest to Ryan unless he complies with their demands. This external threat forces him to navigate a fine line between protecting his loved ones and resisting Hermes.

Major loss: Ryan’s brother is killed trying to save Ryan.

Plans that failed: Ryan’s plans to stay under the radar keep failing. This could raise the tension and show his struggle against powerful forces.

[Art Blum]

I learned that there’s so much to my pilot it will be hard integrating all the ideas I’m coming up with. Most of the ideas will have to wait until they show up in subsequent episodes.

Main Mystery: The shocking event of Ryan escaping Hermes and his connection to alien spirits.

<ul type=”disc”>

[Art Blum]

I’m learning that looking at my story in so many different ways keeps adding depth and nuance to it.

Lesson 6: Stacking Intrigue

Teaser: 7 year old Ryan’s a prisoner at Hermes. He’s being forced to locate enemies for Hermes. He won’t cooperate because he knows they’ll be killed.

Turning point: He wraps his hand around his talisman, a St. Christopher Medallion. It lights up. Instantly, Seth and Nickels, his brother see their segments of the medallion are lit up. They rush to help Ryan escape Hermes.

<ul type=”disc”>

[Art Blum]

It helped making the character arcs for the pilot. I came up with lots of ideas.

Ryan: AKA Star Rover.

Beginning: Where does the character start in this episode?

Ryan’s sixteen, riding his bike to school. While riding, he has flashes of his life as a prisoner of Hermes and his escape from there.

Turning Point: A twist that causes everything to change.

Ryan meets Indigo, 16, classmate. She touches him and he psychically figures out that she’s looking for the mother who abandoned her. He tells her, “She doesn’t want to see you.” This cryptic response triggers Indigo’s interest in him. She has the sixth sense, too. Now she finally meets someone else like her.

Midpoint: A twist that causes everything to change.

Ryan helps kids with math. Then, during art class all the students that he helped discover they’re drawing the same things, alien civilizations. What’s causing this? They become suspicious of Ryan.

Turning Point 2: Ryan begins to see flashes of kids he once knew at Hermes, the secret agency where he was kept as a kid. They warn him that Hermes is looking for him.

Major Conflict: If Ryan runs, Hermes will discover his old friends warned him and will punish them severely. If he stays, he puts himself at risk.

Ending: The kids in his high school trap Ryan. They demand to know what’s going on. They’re all drawing the same things, having the same dreams and their behavior is changing. Ryan decides to confess. He blows his cover and tells them he’s Star Rover and proves he’s a psychic. Instead of freaking out, they become allies. They decide to keep his secret and not turn him in.

Seth:

Beginning: Where does the character start in this episode? He just got a cancer diagnosis and he’s retiring from his job as an agent of Hermes.

Turning Point: A twist that causes everything to change. Seth learns that even though he’s threatened to expose Hermes if they try to recapture Ryan, things have changed. They’ve made contact with aliens and they need Ryan as he’s the only known human in the world who can channel alien spirits into human bodies. Everything’s off the table and Hermes will risk exposure to gain alien technology.

Midpoint: A twist that causes everything to change. While doing a crossword puzzle, Seth feels something is telling him, through the answers he’s getting, that he has to stop Hermes from recapturing Ryan. That’s his ticket to redemption.

Dilemma: Seth has a chance of surviving if he gets chemo. Or he could skip it to try to save Ryan. He decides to save Ryan, even if it means he’ll surely die.

Major Conflict: A Hermes agent followed him and discovers Seth is arming himself to shut down Hermes. He won’t allow it.

Ending: Seth kills the agent and takes off to find Ryan before Hermes does.

Indigo

Beginning: Where does the character start in this episode? She sees new kid Ryan walking in a crowd. For some reason, he stops, turns around and they connect eyes. She turns away, embarrassed.

Turning Point: A twist that causes everything to change. She touches Ryan and immediately, he knows, she’s looking for the mother that abandoned her. In another scene she informs Ryan that she feels he’s running from someone. She has the gift, also.

Midpoint: A twist that causes everything to change. In a poignant moment, Indigo and Ryan touch, triggering a profound psychic exchange. Indigo witnesses the traumatic murder of Ryan’s parents by Hermes agents when he was just 7 years old, leading to his abduction. Simultaneously, Ryan glimpses Indigo’s heartbreaking past, witnessing her mother abandoning her at a fire station. The shared experience deepens their connection, creating a bond forged through shared pain and vulnerability.

Turning Point 2: Ryan won’t run because he’s afraid that Hermes will figure out the kids from Hermes warned him. So the kids from Hermes psychically reach out to Indigo to persuade her to persuade Ryan to run. She goes above Ryan’s head and tells Maria, Ryan’s guardian, that Hermes is looking for them.

Major Conflict: This introduces a moral dilemma for Indigo, caught between her loyalty to Ryan and the plea from the tormented kids of Hermes. The interaction emphasizes the ethical considerations surrounding Ryan’s decision to stay. It also sets the stage for Indigo’s internal conflict, as she grapples with the weight of responsibility and the potential consequences of her choices.

Ending: Seth decides for them. He tells Maria he wants them to stay. He’s going to gather forces and capture the agents and expose the organization.

[Art Blum]

What I learned is how hard it is to translate what I see in my head to a concrete structure. I went back and forth, still not sure if this works but here’s where I am.

Teaser

Essence: As Ryan rides his bike through the streets of Akron, he has flashes of childhood where he was a captive of Hermes. Dr. Blaine forces him to use his connection with Jimmy to locate enemies for Hermes.

Turning point: Wrapping his hands around his talisman, he calls for help to escape. Seth arrives and kills people and helps Ryan escape.

Act I: Essence: Ryan (age 16) tries to fit into the school. Helps kids with math. Makes friends with Indigo. Other kids approach him and ask for help. He’s happy to oblige.

Turning point: In an art class, the teacher asks the kids to express their hopes and dreams in a drawing. When the kids show the pictures they drew, they realize that after Ryan helps them, they’re all drawing pictures of alien civilizations. The teacher tries to make sense of it saying they must’ve all watched the same TV program, but the kids are suspicious of Ryan.

Act II:

Essence: Ryan sees the spectral images of kids he knew from Hermes. They warn him that Hermes is looking for him. They are covering up for him.

Turning point: Ryan tells his guardian that Hermes is looking for him. She decides they should run the next day. But, that night, Ryan has a dream that Hermes figures out the psychic kids warned him. As a punishment, Hermes puts the kids in isolation rooms. Shrill ear-piercing noises are used as torture. Realizing the fate of the kids, Ryan decides to stay, objecting to his guardian’s pleas.

Act III:

Essence: Called to a meeting at the principal’s office, the kids at school that he helped are now drawing pictures of dreams. Their behavior is changing. And they realize Ryan was drawing these pictures before he came to the school. They demand to know who Ryan is. And that wild story he told in class, what was that all about?

Turning Point: Ryan admits he is this psychic whiz and proves it by telling a girl where her lost dog can be found. Giving another kid a message from her grandmother. The kids decide Ryan’s secret will remain within the group – for now.

ACT IV

Essence: Ryan saves a kid from eating a candy bar laced with peanuts which he’s deathly allergic to.

Turning point: A picture of Ryan is snapped and picked up by Hermes.

Act V:

Essence: Young Hermes agents infiltrate the school and want to meet with every student “infected” by Ryan.

Turning point: These infected students are kidnapped by Hermes. Now Ryan has to run.

[Art Blum]

I learned the more I work on this project the more possibilities I see. It started out as a screenplay but I think the pilot is much more fleshed out and much deeper.

INTRIGUING CONCEPT: A socially awkward teen with the psychic ability to channel spirits must confront his destiny as the bridge between worlds when a sinister government agency determined to force him to submit to a perilous experiment involving channeling alien spirits into humans, sparking a desperate battle for survival and the fate of those he holds dear.

ACT I: All Ryan, aka Star Rover wants is to be a normal teen. After being home-schooled all his life, he starts his freshman high school year. Ryan’s a loner. But he tries to make friends. Ryan helps kids in math. He daydreams in class about experiences he had as a ward of Hermes. Not knowing why, he draws pictures in his scratch pad of alien civilizations. A girl, Indigo, comes to think Ryan’s a kindred spirit as she senses he has the “gift” as she does.

But the kids he helps begin to experience the same visions as Ryan, they inadvertently draw similar pictures. Their computers and phones go haywire. They wonder what’s going on. Then they learn Ryan’s been drawing these pictures before he even started school. And their phones and computers started going haywire after he helped them.

MIDPOINT: Ryan’s called to the principal’s office, except he’s not there. A bunch of kids Ryan’s helped accost him. “Who the hell, or what the hell are you?” What has he done to them? They demand to know where Ryan’s from.

Lock In: Ryan’s going to report this to his guardian so they can run when, Indigo befriends him. She doesn’t want him to run anymore. In fact, her grandmother is Madam Olga, the town psychic and she can help.

Madam Olga feels somethings coming for Ryan. The kids he “changed” will all perish. Anyone he loves or cares about or helps is infected and they will die. Ryan’s the only one who can figure out what’s going on and the only one who can stop it. Ryan’s found someone he cares about. And Indigo wants to help Ryan save the day. They both feel alive for the first time.

[Art Blum]

I learned that every time I go over this, I get many more ideas.

Series Info:

World: The Secret world of Hermes where kidnapped psychic children are forced to use their abilities to locate enemies. And high school, where an escaped psychic kid from Hermes tries to fit in, but sticks out like a sore thumb.

Main Mystery: Who are they, the aliens contacting Hermes? Or even, are they aliens? What’s their connection with Ryan Gordon?

Impossible Goal: Just being a normal teen when a secret government agency is hell-bent on reacquiring you. And the kids in the school are growing more and more suspicious because Ryan’s weird.

Main Conflict: Ryan can run but then his classmates and new girlfriend will remain prisoners of Hermes. He can save the ethereal children but only at the expense of his classmates. Or Ryan can leave the ethereal children in a limbo state forever.

Second Mystery: Season 1 Arc: How is Ryan going to accomplish anything when Seth, a rogue agent who helped him escape in the first place, is somehow using him, manipulating him for his own objectives?

Season 1 Arc: From living in hiding and covering up to overcoming the soldiers hell-bent on keeping him a captive to running away from the government and hoping transparency, telling the story of his captivity to the press will make Ryan and his cohorts free for life.

Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey.

Pilot Info: From a loner teen in hiding to a leader trying to save his followers from the clutches of the very people who enslaved him as a teen.

Pilot conflict: Characters introduced: Ryan, Seth, Dr. Blaine, Indigo, Hermes agency, Kids,

Inciting incident of Season 1: After a kid takes a picture of Ryan and sends it to a friend, Hermes supercomputer discovers it. Now the secret government agency knows where he’s hiding.

[Art Blum]

I learned that it takes a lot of work to craft a good sentence that isn’t fuzzy and doesn’t go off on a tangent from the main idea. So far I’ve got one picture I put on the title page or first page. I’m sure this isn’t close to being done. I changed the title from Star Rover which doesn’t tell the tone to: first my image is a St. Christopher Medallion that’s broken in three pieces and the title is GO YOUR WAY IN SAFETY. I think there’s a dichotomy between the headline and the image. The broken medallion says the road isn’t safe and it’s a broken promise and we humans need to fix what’s broken. Anyway that’s my brainstorm. I’d show my stuff but since no one else is putting anything out there, I won’t either.

[Art Blum]

I learned it’s so hard to not go off on tangents. I have to learn to think linearly.

Old Episode titles:

Episode1. Unmasked

Episode 2. Infiltration

Episode 3. Awakening

Episode 4. Metamorphosis

Episode 5. Obsession

Episode 6. Aftermath

Episode 7. Convergence

Episode 8. Ultimatum

New Episode titles:

Episode1. Life Ends

Episode 2. Web of Spirits

Episode 3. Purgatory

Episode 4. Shower of Destiny

Episode 5. Reanimation

Episode 6. Split Decisions

Episode 7. Between two Worlds

Episode 8. Life Begins

Old Series Titles:

Season 1. Awakening

Season 2. Revolution and Betrayal

Season 3. Spiritual Awakening

Season 4. Alien Machinations

Season 5. Extraterrestrial Showdown

New Series Titles:

Season 1. Shadows

Season 2. Betrayal

Season 3. Playing Chess with the Cosmos

Season 4. The Cosmic Agenda

Season 5. Destroying the Bridge

[Art Blum]

I think what I’m learning the most is that the story can go off in directions I never thought of before. I’m making this TV show from a screenplay I wrote but this is really going off script and is much deeper and having fun seeing new things every time I work on it.

STAR ROVER

Magical Realism – One Hour Drama

Logline:

Relentlessly pursued by Hermes, a malevolent government psy-ops entity, a socially awkward teen discovers a dire threat to his girlfriend and classmates, compelling him to submit to a perilous experiment involving channeling alien spirits into humans, sparking a desperate battle for survival and the fate of those he holds dear.

Concept:

Ryan Gordon, 14, once known as Star Rover, craves normalcy like a drowning man gasping for air. Haunted by his ability to channel both human and alien spirits, he vanished after witnessing the horrifying murders of those he identified for Hermes. Now, under a new identity in a sleepy town, he fights shadows in his sleep and echoes in his mind.

But normal shatters when alien spirits, fleeing a dying realm, crave human forms and empathy to survive. Hermes, desperate to control this power, hunts Ryan, the only known channel. Meanwhile, a rogue agent, Seth, who helped Ryan escape, believes the aliens offer humanity’s salvation – a shared galaxy bathed in alien technology.

Torn between survival and sacrifice, Ryan embarks on a desperate quest. He must unlock the secrets of the medallion, a dormant key to his full potential, while evading both Hermes and the aliens. Each pushing him closer to madness and further from the boy he longs to be.

Intriguing World:

Hermes, a subterranean cage gilded realm where kidnapped children with psychic ability spend their lives imprisoned and forced to use their gifts to locate enemies. Children with minds ablaze, their whispers of resistance choked in glass enclosures. Dr. Blaine, their warden – and the guards, with hearts as cold as the glass enclosures mirror the callous swagger of high school bullies.

Then there’s high school, a meticulously crafted labyrinth of conformity. Obedience, the highest virtue, drilled into minds like diamonds into stone. Teachers, puppeteers with honeyed voices and steely gazes, echo the manipulative charm of Hermes’ warden, Dr. Blaine. Her smile, a predatory gleam, mirrored in the smirk of the history teacher who feasts on fear, the math instructor who wields equations like whips. Every rule, every test, a twisted reflection of the psychic probes and brutal training in Hermes.

Summary:

Seven years after escaping a secret psychic experiment, Ryan Gordon, the boy who was once hailed as “Star Rover” craves anonymity. He’s just another freshman, passing tests, helping peers with math, burying his past under fabricated normalcy. But shadows linger.

In creative writing class, a teacher’s challenge to elaborate on his past, make it sing, ignites a spark. Ryan weaves a fantastical tale – a kidnapping, government conspiracies, and the ability to channel dead children’s spirits, alien spirits and Jimmy, a spirit mentor. The class, awed, amazed as Ryan spins a fantastical tale. Except for Indigo, whose touch unlocks a terrifying truth: Ryan’s story isn’t fiction, not one bit of it.

Whispers from beyond confirm it. Hermes, the program that once exploited Ryan, is desperate. They’ve contacted alien minds trapped in a dying realm, beings who crave human bodies and Ryan’s unique skill as a bridge. The aliens promise salvation – advanced technology, a cosmic escape – but their motives are shrouded in an ominous darkness.

Meanwhile, whispers from within warn Ryan – his former allies at Hermes are playing a dangerous game. He’s not just a tool; he’s a crucial piece in a cosmic power struggle. They want him back and are prepared to kill anyone who gets in their way.

Safe haven crumbles in the school cafeteria. A seemingly small act of kindness – preventing a bully from eating a peanut-laced candy bar due to a vision from his spirit-grandmother – inadvertently exposes Ryan. Safe haven no more, Ryan faces an impossible choice: flee the relentless pursuit of Hermes or save his fellow classmates who fall under Hermes control and use them as pawns to gain Ryan’s cooperation.

Trapped, Ryan faces a brutal choice: vanish once more or embrace his extraordinary burden and confront the whispers that haunt him – whispers of betrayal, alien genocide, and his own forgotten destiny.

Characters:

Ryan Gordon: As he delves deeper into the spirit realm, he discovers a chilling possibility—the alien entities might be a ruse. Is Hermes orchestrating a deadly gambit, manipulating Ryan’s unique gift to cover up a decades-old experiment gone awry?

Dr. Roberta Blaine: As one of the initial recruits of Hermes, Roberta, to preserve her dying boyfriend had to use her channeling ability to reduce his essence onto a computer chip. She lost her boyfriend and her powers in the process. Now he can be brought back but only at the cost of countless lives.

Seth Roemer: Was he the architect behind the Christopher project? Is he the clandestine ally of the ethereal children, safeguarding Ryan for a grander, more intricate plan? Amidst the uncertainty, Seth’s skepticism about the approaching alien entities grows. Silent for years, are these beings truly the Christopher Project’s lost children? Or might they be a cosmic force offering salvation at a harrowing price?

Indigo Rivers: When Indigo’s touch brushes against Ryan, her psychic senses scream of encroaching malevolence. Now intertwined with him, she fears that not only is Ryan in peril but she and her peers might be ensnared in a larger, darker plot.

Jimmy: Ryan’s spiritual guide and protector, connected to Ryan through a St. Christopher medallion, aiding him in channeling spirits. But who or what is he. The mystery of Jimmy’s true identity, whether he’s an alien, St. Christopher, or something more sinister. A dangerous pattern unfolds: Ryan’s psychic prowess, amplified by Jimmy’s guidance, aids Hermes in their sinister pursuits. However, revelations of Hermes’ lethal intentions force Ryan to consider severing ties with Jimmy.

Episode 1: “The Escape” Seven-year old Kenny’s world shatters as he watches Hermes agents execute his parents, thrusting him into Dr. Blaine’s dark web of psychic intrigue. Gifted a cryptic medallion by the enigmatic Seth, Kenny connects with ethereal remnants of a celestial experiment and JIMMY, his cosmic guide. Reborn as Ryan in a quiet Midwestern town, he aims for a normal high school life. But when an incriminating photo surfaces, Hermes’ hunt escalates, jeopardizing his newfound peace.

Episode 2: “The Hunt” Ryan’s identity is compromised when his photo leaks, forcing him to flee. With friends captured by Hermes, a desperate rescue mission unfolds. Seth’s tragic sacrifice underscores the stakes. Seth is aware that the aliens are really the children from the Christopher Project returning to earth. He still wants to free them. There’s only one way. Kill Dr. Blaine.

Episode 3: “The Ethereal Kids” Returning to a haunted safe house, Ryan communicates with trapped souls from the St. Christopher project. They tell Ryan, the only way they can be freed is by killing Dr. Blaine as she is the channel who reduced their essences to blips on a computer program. However, the leader of the Christopher children begs Ryan not to kill her, as she was his first love. As Dr. Blaine’s grip tightens, Jimmy offers a daring plan, leaving Ryan at a critical crossroads.

Episode 4: “Contact” A meteor shower becomes the catalyst for reanimation, empowering the ethereal kids. Ryan must lead them against a relentless Hermes. The cave’s collapse signals a chaotic showdown with the agency.

Episode 5: “Hermes” The reanimated army confronts its first test, leading to a cavernous clash. Dr. Blaine’s sinister past catches up, and as the cave crumbles, Ryan races against time to save his friends.

Episode 6: “Escape” With the cave imploding, Ryan guides trapped kids towards freedom. Split decisions lead some towards society, while Ryan and Indigo face vengeful soldiers, setting a thrilling chase in motion.

Episode 7: “Showdown” Trapped between an army and vengeful soldiers, Ryan’s group faces a moral reckoning. As dissent brews within the army, Ryan’s diversionary tactics intensify, culminating in a heart-stopping cliffhanger.

Episode 8: “Aftermath” As Star Rover, Ryan takes center stage against a relentless army blockade. With Jimmy’s guidance, a daring escape ensues, leaving the group’s fate hanging in the balance as they head to Fairbanks.

FIVE SEASON SUMMARY

Season 1 – “Awakening”
Teen fugitive Ryan challenges the sinister Hermes, unraveling dark secrets and discovering his psychic abilities. Escaping with classmates, Ryan faces an uncertain future pursued by Hermes.

Season 2 – “Revolution and Betrayal”
Ryan battles mind control technology and internal strife within his rebel group. Confronting a manipulated town, a hostile population teeters on the brink of disaster. The kids from the Christopher Project, thought to be freed have become a bridge to alien civilizations who study us, looking for weaknesses. Their aim is to pit us against each other and have us kill each other off to give them our planet carte blanch.

Season 3 – “Spiritual Awakening”
Dr. Blaine’s return merges with Indigo, revealing alien influences linked to the Christopher project. As the truth unfolds, Ryan faces a high-stakes confrontation, intensifying the cosmic struggle. Dr. Blaine is a pawn of the aliens and is instrumental at carrying out their plan to exterminate the human race.

Season 4 – “Alien Machinations”
Ryan exposes aliens manipulating human vulnerabilities, racing to thwart their cosmic agenda. The shocking revelation of Seth’s collaboration intensifies the battle for Earth’s fate. Jimmy turns out to be one of the aliens, protecting Ryan only because of his awesome channeling ability. His goal, to use Ryan to channel the aliens into human receptors.

Season 5 – “Extraterrestrial Showdown”
In a final face-off, the aliens’ true intentions unveiled, Ryan and Jimmy meet in an intense showdown leaves that Earth on the precipice of an unknown future, reaching a riveting and unpredictable conclusion.

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[Art Blum]

I think each exercise makes me see the story as a whole in different more interesting ways. Sorry, some of these go over one line.

STAR ROVER CHARACTER Exercise 8

Ryan Gordon: After escaping the clutches of Hermes, a secret government agency that procures kids with psychic ability, all the great Star Rover ever wanted was to become Ryan Gordon, a normal teenager. But Dr. Blaine, head of Hermes has other plans for him now that they’ve made contact with alien spirits. Ryan’s the only human ever found who can channel alien spirits into human hosts called receptacles.

A: Establish something shocking and the terrible things it could mean.

As Ryan delves deeper into the spirit realm, he discovers a chilling possibility—the alien entities might be a ruse. Is Hermes orchestrating a deadly gambit, manipulating Ryan’s unique gift in a deadly experiment?

B: Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.

Indigo’s warm greeting chills Ryan as she whispers, “You can’t hide.” Is she hinting at Hermes’ relentless pursuit, does she mean running away from making friends and relationships, or does she harbor secrets darker than Ryan’s own?

C: Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc.

As Hermes closes in, the school’s safety hangs by a thread. Is Ryan merely collateral, or does the agency’s enigmatic interest hint at a grander, more sinister scheme that includes some members of the student body?

D: Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done ___________.

Indigo senses an encroaching darkness around Ryan. Is it Hermes’ looming threat, or the paranoid musings of a girl too attuned to the shadows?

E: But maybe it is all wrong.

Perhaps Indigo’s fears are unfounded. To discern truth from paranoia, one way to find out. Have Ryan meet her grandmother, Madam Olga the town psychic. But the meeting’s fallout is more damning than anticipated.

F: A pattern that leads to future consequences:

A simple visit to Madam Olga spirals into chaos, resulting in Ryan’s ostracization and a dire ultimatum to the school—expel Ryan, or face Hermes’ wrath.

G: If he does ____________, that means intrigue.

Should Ryan admit to his spectral communications, Indigo’s foreboding visions materialize, confirming the looming shadow’s existence.

H: State the mystery.

We know Ryan was escaped from a government agency that used psychic kids to find enemies. Why are they looking for him now after all these years in obscurity? What does he possess that makes him their prime target?

I: Should be/could be ____________, but it’s even worse.

Dr. Blaine’s neglectful leniency towards Ryan masks a sinister agenda. She bides her time, awaiting a long-lost soul’s return—a boy trapped within a computer blip, with Ryan as his unlikely savior.

J: Intense Language.

Amidst betrayals and unearthly connections, the haunting experiment’s casualties, Seth’s dark past, and the enigma of the encroaching alien spirits weave a tapestry of intrigue, with Ryan at its tumultuous center.

[Art Blum]

What I learned during this assignment is that there’s a lot beneath the surface that I can use to flesh out the characters

1. If the aliens’ spirits offer advanced knowledge or technology…

There could be a race to get the knowledge the aliens offer. Government factions or corporations and secret societies could be vying for the power.

2. Seth’s hidden past: Seth is able to spot psychic children (Crystal children) He searches for talent. And he procures them for Hermes. Hermes uses the children to hunt down enemies, unveil secrets and so on.

In a war, Seth was saved by Ryan’s father. Seth saw a profound aura color change in Ryan’s father after he saved him. Maybe: Seth, realizing the profound change in Ryan’s father, foresees the birth of a special child – a Crystal Child, destined to bridge the realms of the ethereal and the earthly, possessing unparalleled psychic – channeling abilities. Seth, with a mixture of awe and responsibility, vows to guide and protect this child when the time comes. He’s correct and the child is procured by Hermes.

Seth gives Star Rover a medallion once owned by one of the many children murdered by Hermes. Their essences were boiled down to blips on a computer chip and shot into space. The mission, to study the outer planets and psychically send that information back to psychics here on earth. With the medallion Star Rover is able to communicate with not only the ethereal children rocketed into space but with a guardian spirit who calls himself Jimmy. Once Star Rover escaped Hermes, he had to bury his medallion and take on a new identity, Ryan Gordon – average teen.

But at 14, Ryan reclaims the medallion. Maybe he learns through vivid visions caused by the medallion. 1. Seth, his protector and father figure, is the one responsible for procuring him and having his parents killed.

Emotional Impact: These revelations deeply affect Ryan. He grapples with a whirlwind of emotions – admiration for his father’s heroism, resentment towards Seth for his indirect role in his parents’ fate, and a daunting sense of destiny as the prophesied Crystal Child. And upon discovering Seth’s role in his past tragedies, Ryan feels a whirlwind of emotions—betrayal, anger, grief, and confusion. He grapples with the revelation, questioning his own memories, and desperately seeking justification or a way to refute the truth.

Seeking Truth: Armed with this newfound knowledge, Ryan becomes more determined to uncover the full extent of Seth’s involvement, the true nature of the Crystal Child prophecy, and his own place within this intricate cosmic tapestry.

Despite the weight of betrayal, Ryan seeks to understand Seth’s motivations. Through conversations, perhaps mediated by the medallion’s visions or interactions with Jimmy, Ryan delves into Seth’s psyche, exploring his guilt, remorse, and the intricate web of circumstances that led to those fateful decisions.

Acceptance and Empathy: As Ryan delves deeper, he uncovers layers of Seth’s own pain, regrets, and sacrifices. He learns of Seth’s internal conflict, his attempts to protect Ryan amidst a treacherous landscape of espionage, and his own battles with the sinister forces within Hermes.

The Power of Compassion: Empathy becomes a transformative force for Ryan. He realizes that while Seth’s actions caused immense pain, they were also borne out of a twisted sense of duty, fear, and a desperate attempt to navigate a world filled with shadows and deception.

A Healing Conversation: In a poignant moment, Ryan confronts Seth, not with vengeance, but with a yearning for understanding and closure. Through tears, confessions, and shared memories, they confront their shared past, acknowledging mistakes, regrets, and the enduring bond that transcends betrayal.

The Journey Towards Forgiveness: Forgiveness is not instantaneous. It’s a gradual process, marked by moments of doubt, anger, acceptance, and eventual healing. Ryan grapples with the complexity of forgiveness, recognizing that while Seth’s actions were deeply flawed, they were also shaped by a myriad of external pressures, personal demons, and a genuine, albeit misguided, desire to protect.

By weaving this intricate journey of forgiveness into the narrative, the story delves into themes of redemption, compassion, and the enduring power of understanding. This could be an episode in itself.

[Art Blum]

What I learned is the more I do these exercises, the more I understand the show I’m working on.

Star Rover – Series Bible Opening Summary

1. Character’s Normal Situation:
Ryan Gordon, a recently enrolled high school freshman, attempts to navigate typical teenage challenges: fitting in, academic pressures, and concealing his mysterious past as an orphan raised in isolation.

2. Twist/Hook:
During a creative writing class, Ryan recounts an unbelievable tale of espionage, psychic abilities, and rogue agents, leaving his peers captivated and skeptical.

3. Layer Beneath the Surface – Major Empathy/Distress:
Despite his fabricated story, a single student, Indigo, recognizes a genuine connection with Ryan. Their brief interaction reveals a deeper mystery surrounding Ryan’s past, hinting at his latent psychic abilities.

4. Twist/Hook:
Indigo’s touch unveils a fragment of Ryan’s hidden truth, sparking curiosity and concern. Simultaneously, ethereal spirits from his past, once colleagues in a covert operation, caution him of impending danger.

5. Impossible to Solve Conflict or Major Mystery:
Just as Ryan starts to feel a semblance of safety in his new environment, an innocent act in the cafeteria unintentionally exposes his identity to his pursuers. Hermes, the covert agency from his past, swiftly identifies his location, signaling imminent danger.

6. Final Hook into the Series – Extreme Dramatic Question:
With his cover blown and past catching up, can Ryan harness his dormant powers, protect those he’s grown to care for, and confront the shadows of Hermes without losing himself in the process.

Star Rover: Pilot as inciting incident.

Ryan Gordon, a new freshman at Akron High, seems like your average teenager trying to navigate school, friends, and tests. But under the surface lurks a dark past. When his creative writing teacher pushes him to share his story, Ryan spins a fantastical tale about a secret government program, his kidnapping, and the ability to channel ethereal spirits. He claims he’s lost this power and is just a normal kid now.

But Indigo, a perceptive classmate, senses Ryan’s deception. A single touch sparks a connection, leaving her with the chilling question: “You’re on the run, aren’t you?” Ryan evades, haunted by ghostly echoes of children from his past, warning him of Hermes, the agency that once held him captive.

Hermes is desperate. They’ve made contact with alien spirits eager to reanimate in human bodies, and Ryan’s channeling ability is their key. Now, Ryan must navigate not only the perils of high school but also the threat of a powerful enemy closing in.

[Art Blum]

I learned that you have to revise a lot. It’s hard to craft what you are trying to say. I had every episode down to one or two sentences but felt it didn’t express my vision very well. So I went to longer synopses. Maybe I’ll revise down.

Episode 1 – UNMASKED:

A fugitive teen psychic named Ryan must conceal his psychic powers while starting over in high school. But he is haunted by traumatic visions from his past exploitation by a sinister government agency. Ryan’s attempt at normalcy is shattered when his psychic reaction to a classmate’s allergy crisis is photographed, exposing his true nature to the ruthless agents hunting him.

Episode 2 – INFILTRATION:

Psychic fugitive Ryan discovers his kidnapped classmates are being held in a fortified government facility. Determined to save them, he infiltrates the compound. Ryan learns the facility is prepping for an ominous experiment requiring his psychic powers. This system will channel spirits into human subjects, including Ryan’s friends. Forced to escape once more, Ryan must strategize how to obstruct the agency’s dark designs without becoming their next victim.

Episode 3 – AWAKENING:

Tormented by fragmented memories, Ryan returns to the safe-house where he was imprisoned as a child, seeking answers about his past. There he finds his medallion, a talisman that enables him to communicate with Jimmy, his spiritual mentor and unravel the secrets of the “aliens.” Ryan discovers the truth behind the “aliens” – they are lost souls of children like himself, exploited by the same government agency and now trapped. To end the cycle, Ryan must choose between saving the lost souls trapped in a purgatory or saving his classmates. He can’t do both.

Episode 4 – METAMORPHOSIS:

With his kidnapped classmates marked for sinister possession experiments, fugitive psychic Ryan hatches a daring plan. As a meteor shower falls, he manipulates the chaos, allowing benign spirits of exploited children to possess soldiers rather than classmates. With the troops transformed, Ryan stages an attack on the government facility, fighting to obstruct their dark designs. But victory comes at a grave cost, setting the stage for the next phase of Ryan’s metamorphosis.

Episode 5 – OBSESSION:

Evading authorities, rogue psychic Ryan and his allies infiltrate the enemy base, aiming to free imprisoned youths. There he confronts Dr. Blaine, the complex scientist controlling the children’s fates. Ryan appeals to Blaine’s buried humanity, only to learn she is driven by a dangerous obsession – reviving her long lost love, Teddy. But Blaine’s attempts to resurrect Teddy threaten to unleash a devastating force, putting Ryan, his friends, and all within reach of her obsession at risk.

Episode 6 – AFTERMATH:

Following the fall of the government facility, rogue agent Seth guides the last endangered children to freedom through a collapsing underground cave. Leading the kids to safety, Seth makes the ultimate sacrifice. In the aftermath, Ryan uncovers a grim revelation – the spirits inhabiting the rescued soldiers have gone to their just rewards. But now the soldiers they inhabited are regaining consciousness and wanting revenge.

Episode 7 – CONVERGENCE:

Fugitive Ryan attempts escape with his motley crew of fellow outcast youths. But obsessed rogue soldiers and the military itself both pursue Ryan’s band. Running out of options, Ryan decides to draw the deadly forces away from his friends. But he soon faces recapture until Ryan’s classmates return and save him.

Episode 8 – ULTIMATUM:

After evading relentless forces, Ryan and his allies are finally captured by the military. Given an ultimatum – indefinite imprisonment or condemned life as a fugitive – Ryan wrestles an impossible choice. Both options endanger his friends. Isolated and outmatched, Ryan’s only hope is to somehow reconnect with his mentor, Jimmy. The fate of Ryan’s fellow extraordinary youths hangs in the balance in this climactic showdown.

[Art Blum]

I learned that there are seeds in season one that I never even thought about that could springboard another season. For instance, Dr. Blaine dies in season one. But she herself was a channel and was responsible for reducing the essence of children used in an experiment to blips on a computer program. I thought what if the split second before she dies, she reduces her essence to a blip on a computer program and then reanimates later by taking over a human receptacle. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s what I think about in my free time.

Season 1 – “Awakening”

1. High Concept:
   A teen fugitive with psychic abilities challenges a sinister government
   agency, Hermes.
2. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Ryan navigates from rejecting his powers to embracing
   them and the true nature of the spirits, laying the foundation for his
   quest against Hermes.
3. Main Conflict:
   Ryan evades capture by Hermes while unraveling the agency’s dark agenda
   and preserving the lives of his classmates.
4. Mystery/Open Loops:
   The origin and purpose of Ryan’s psychic abilities, the history of the
   Christopher project, and Hermes’ ultimate goals.
5. Cliffhanger:
   Leading his classmates to safety, Ryan faces an uncertain future, pursued
   by Hermes.

Season 2 – “Revolution and Betrayal”

1. High Concept:
   Ryan and his allies strive to expose Hermes’ secrets, facing betrayal and
   unforeseen consequences.
2. Big Picture Arc/Journey: The pursuit of justice transforms Ryan from a kid who
   just wants to be a normal teen into a warrior battling against mind
   control technology and a sinister alliance with Hermes.
3. Main Conflict:
   Ryan battles Hermes’ manipulation of a town through psychic energy while
   contending with internal divisions among his band.
4. Mystery/Open Loops:
   The unintended consequences of psychic energy, (it causes strokes and
   heart attacks as well as mind control) and Jimmy’s negotiation with
   Hermes, (to save Ryan) and the mysterious past of Dr. Blaine.
5. Cliffhanger:
   Facing a mind-controlled town, Ryan and his army confront a hostile and
   manipulated population, teetering on the brink of disaster.

Season 3 – “Spiritual Awakening”

1. High Concept:
   Dr. Blaine’s return, (she’s a channel herself and before she died she
   reduced her essence to a blip on a computer program,) merging with Indigo,
   introduces a spiritual dimension and reveals alien influences linked to
   the Christopher project.
2. Big Picture Arc/Journey: An unexpected event caused by the Christopher project
   was the opening of a space bridge. Alien contact. A deeper exploration of
   psychic connections and interdimensional forces, unraveling the mysteries
   of the extraterrestrial involvement.
3. Main Conflict:
   Ryan contends with the merged consciousness of Dr. Blaine and Indigo,
   navigating the consequences of alien manipulation.
4. Mystery/Open Loops:
   The true nature of the Christopher project, the extent of Dr. Blaine’s
   channeling abilities, and the aliens’ hidden agenda.
5. Cliffhanger:
   As the truth unfolds, Ryan faces a high-stakes confrontation with the
   merged essence of Dr. Blaine and Indigo, intensifying the cosmic struggle.

Season 4 – “Alien Machinations”

1. High Concept:
   Ryan confronts a grand conspiracy as the aliens manipulate human
   vulnerabilities, aiming for Earth’s weakening. Like the Russians feeding
   misinformation into social media to change the outcome of an election,
   aliens manipulate our technology to foment division among humans hoping to
   start a war that will kill everyone to ready the planet for their
   takeover.
2. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Exposing the aliens’ clandestine role in shaping human
   destinies, Ryan races against time to thwart their cosmic agenda.
3. Main Conflict:
   Humanity grapples with the covert extraterrestrial influence, while Ryan
   strives to reveal the truth and counter the alien machinations.
4. Mystery/Open Loops:
   The origins of the aliens, the extent of their knowledge, and the
   repercussions of their interference in human affairs.
5. Cliffhanger:
   Ryan faces the shocking revelation of Seth’s collaboration with the
   aliens, reshaping the narrative and intensifying the battle for Earth’s
   fate.

Season 5 – “Extraterrestrial Showdown”

1. High Concept:
   In a final face-off, Ryan and Jimmy unveil the aliens’ true intentions, culminating
   in an extraterrestrial showdown.
2. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Seth’s collaboration adds a shocking dimension,
   reshaping the narrative and exposing the Christopher project as a pawn in
   a cosmic game.
3. Main Conflict:
   A riveting battle for humanity’s fate unfolds as Ryan confronts the aliens
   and Seth’s unexpected alliance.
4. Mystery/Open Loops:
   The true purpose of the Christopher project, the cosmic game orchestrated
   by the aliens, and Seth’s motivations.
5. Cliffhanger:
   The intense showdown leaves Earth on the precipice of an unknown future,
   with the series reaching a riveting and unpredictable conclusion.

FIVE SEASON SUMMARY

Season 1 – “Awakening”
Teen fugitive Ryan challenges the sinister Hermes, unraveling dark secrets and discovering his psychic abilities. Escaping with classmates, Ryan faces an uncertain future pursued by Hermes.

Season 2 – “Revolution and Betrayal”
Ryan battles mind control technology and internal strife within his rebel group. Confronting a manipulated town, a hostile population teeters on the brink of disaster.

Season 3 – “Spiritual Awakening”
Dr. Blaine’s return merges with Indigo, revealing alien influences linked to the Christopher project. As the truth unfolds, Ryan faces a high-stakes confrontation, intensifying the cosmic struggle.

Season 4 – “Alien Machinations”
Ryan exposes aliens manipulating human vulnerabilities, racing to thwart their cosmic agenda. The shocking revelation of Seth’s collaboration intensifies the battle for Earth’s fate.

Season 5 – “Extraterrestrial Showdown”
In a final face-off, Ryan and Jimmy unveil the aliens’ true intentions. The intense showdown leaves Earth on the precipice of an unknown future, reaching a riveting and unpredictable conclusion.

[Art Blum]

What I learned: I started by turning a screenplay I wrote into a BWTV show. I discovered there's a ton more to the story. I feel i understand what I was trying to do a whole lot better with this class.

I watched the entire first season of 24. I was surprised at how few times Jack actually went into action, (fights, gun play). They really got into that more in the succeeding seasons. Also, watching a lot of episodes, I see how the plot got real thin. For instance, Kim was kidnapped and escaped 4 times in the first season. The wife got amnesia for one episode. It didn’t hold up as well when you watch it all at once. Better when it only played one hour every week.

Ryan:Top of Form

Bottom of Form
Start. A kid with an ability to channel spirits, on the run from Hermes, a secret psi-ops government agency tries to navigate high school and discover how he fits into this world.

Middle: Ryan sets out to free classmates who are kidnapped by Hermes to gain his cooperation.

End: Discovers the true nature of the program Hermes is running and sets out to destroy them after saving his classmates.

Ryan, 14, Ryan, with his blend of vulnerability, courage, and unique psychic abilities, is the perfect character to anchor the series, navigating the treacherous waters of adolescence while wrestling with the moral complexities of his powers and the clandestine government agency pursuing him.

Start: Indigo is a classmate of Ryan and learns he has psychic abilities is happy to meet a fellow traveler.

Middle: She tries to match psychic skills with Ryan, and introduces him to Madam Olga, her grandmother and town psychic. She helps Ryan discover the true nature of the alien spirits.

End: She’s the rock Ryan needs to support him when he decides it’s more important to fight for freedom, even if it means dying, than to live as a prisoner in a government program.
Indigo’s enigmatic aura, unpredictable psychic gifts, and ties to the town’s mystical underbelly make her the ideal character to introduce an element of uncertainty, providing both support and challenges to Ryan’s journey.

Jimmy: (St. Christopher, maybe) Jimmy: (St. Christopher, maybe) Start: Serving as Ryan’s spiritual mentor, Jimmy is an enigmatic presence connected through a mystical medallion.

Middle: Jimmy aids Ryan in overcoming insurmountable challenges, playing a pivotal role in helping him reclaim his destiny as Star Rover.

End: As Ryan leads an army against Hermes, Jimmy remains a cryptic guide, infusing the narrative with an otherworldly dimension and leaving a trail of unanswered questions surrounding his true identity.

Connected to Ryan through a mystical medallion, Jimmy becomes the ethereal guide bridging the earthly and spiritual realms. His cryptic counsel and mysterious origins make Jimmy the perfect character to infuse the narrative with an otherworldly dimension, his enigmatic presence serving as a key to unlocking Ryan's destiny while leaving a trail of unanswered questions that beckon further exploration.

Dr. Blaine:Start: The formidable head of Hermes Psi-Ops program, Dr. Blaine runs the agency with an iron fist, concealing a dark secret from her past experiments.

Middle: Driven by a morally complex agenda, she reveals her knowledge of the spirits true origin as the lost children from the Christopher project. Her conflicted conscience propels her towards a desperate quest to reanimate her first love, Teddy. She is behind the deaths of all the children in the Christopher project.

End: Realizing the only path to free the spirits is through her own death, Dr. Blaine orchestrates her demise, adding a layer of complexity to her character as she grapples with the consequences of her actions.

SETH
Seth: Start: Orchestrating Ryan’s recruitment into Hermes, Seth is a mysterious figure with a dark past entwined with the agency’s sinister experiments.

Middle: Haunted by his role in the suffering inflicted by Hermes, Seth attempts to set the spirits free and protect Ryan, ultimately failing in both endeavors.

End: Driven by a relentless determination to free the children held captive by Hermes, Seth embarks on a one-man rampage, revealing his ambiguous loyalties and adding an element of uncertainty to the complex web of allegiances.

Seth’s mysterious past, conflicted loyalties, and haunting connection to Hermes make him a compelling and unpredictable figure, adding layers of intrigue and moral ambiguity to the narrative. Dr. Blaine, as the formidable head of Hermes, perfectly embodies the morally complex antagonist, grappling with a dark secret from her past experiments and navigating the consequences of her relentless pursuit of scientific breakthroughs.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Laree Griffith. Reason: Removed HTML tags so others can post

[Art Blum]

What I learned doing this assignment is that when I explained the story this way it seems very linear and clearer to me. I don’t feel so much like I’m going off in a million different directions. It’s coming together.

Engaging and highly proactive hero: Ryan Gordon, a remarkable teenager with the extraordinary ability to channel spirits wants is to be a normal teen…

Up against a major conflict: On the run from Hermes, a clandestine government agency seeking to exploit his unique talents.

Goes on a unique transformational journey. Forced to comply with Hermes when they kidnap his fellow classmates and take them to….

An intriguing world: a barren wilderness area in Alaska to use them in a deadly experiment.

The Unknown: Before Ryan will help he must learn the intent of the alien spirits he is to channel into the receptors, the bodies of his fellow classmates.

The unseen: This leads him to the shocking discovery that they’re not aliens at all but spirits of children lost in the purgatory of a doomed Hermes experiment done decades ago.

Unheard of dangers: The spirits of the children desperately want Ryan to save them. The classmates desperately want Ryan to save them. It’s an impossible choice. If he saves the spirits, his classmates die. If he saves his classmates, the spirits are left in a tortured limbo state.

Reason to explore it: The show introduces an unprecedented layer of moral complexity, forcing characters and viewers alike to question the boundaries of sacrifice and the consequences of wielding such extraordinary powers.

[Art Blum]

<div>What I learned in this assignment is that I already had a lot of irony in the show without even realizing it.</div><div>

1. Plot Irony:

<ul type=”circle”>

2. Reversal of Expectations: Hermes, initially presented as a force for good, is
   revealed to have a darker agenda, creating a reversal of audience
   expectations.
3. Character Irony:

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4. Seth’s Hidden Motive: Seth, seemingly a protector, has a hidden agenda to
   use Ryan’s abilities for his own purposes, adding complexity to his
   character.
5. Relationship Irony:

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6. Indigo’s Trust in Ryan: Indigo, in her quest for identity, places her trust
   in Ryan, unaware of the potential danger he poses due to his abilities.
7. Situational Irony:

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8. High School as a Sanctuary: Ryan, seeking a normal high school life, finds
   himself in a situation where his abilities disrupt the very normalcy he
   desires.
9. Cover-up Irony:

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10. Hermes’ Hidden Actions: The government agency, designed to protect, is
    involved in covering up unethical experiments, creating a stark contrast
    between their public image and private actions.
11. Layered Irony:

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12. True Purpose of Medallion: The St. Christopher medallion, perceived as a simple
    object, holds a profound secret about the children sent into space,
    adding layers of irony.
13. Action Irony:

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14. Empathy’s Unintended Consequences: Ryan’s use of empathy inadvertently turns bullies
    compassionate, creating unexpected consequences.
15. Dialogue Irony:

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16. Ryan’s Innocent Remarks: Ryan’s innocent remarks about his abilities create
    ironic situations, as others interpret his words differently than
    intended.
17. Dramatic Irony:

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18. Viewer’s Knowledge:
    The audience knows the true nature of the spirits Ryan channels, creating
    dramatic irony as characters remain unaware.
19. Situational Irony:

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20. Hiding in Plain Sight: Ryan, attempting to hide, attends high school, a
    seemingly normal place that becomes the center of unforeseen challenges.

</div>

[Art Blum]

This is amazing!

Ryan: Star Rover

<ul type=”disc”>

[Art Blum]

TV show “24”

Distress:

Undeserved misfortune. Jack’s wife and daughter have been kidnapped. The kidnappers threaten to kill them unless he does as they order.

External character conflicts. CTU and police don’t believe Jack and think he’s acting on his own to kill Palmer.

Plot intruding on life. He’s trying to pull his family together but now he’s being used to assassinate a presidential candidate.

Moral dilemmas: Struggling to keep Palmer alive and at the same time save his wife and daughter and knowing he may have to become a killer to save them.

Forced decisions they’d never make. Having to take illegal actions to save his family.

Empathy:

Put the character in distress. The clock is ticking and he only has a few hours left to figure out where his family is being held.

Make them relatable. The stress is almost more than Jack can take and he’s coming close to breaking down emotionally.

Universal experiences that are emotional. Themes of being an outsider and loyalty to Palmer and his family.

Ryan:

1. Distress:

Undeserved Misfortune: Ryan’s secret is exposed at school, causing social isolation and bullying.

External Character Conflicts: Government agents capture and threaten his friends to force compliance.

Plot Intruding on Life: A government raid interrupts a crucial moment in his quest for identity.

Moral Dilemmas: Forced to choose between saving a friend or revealing his abilities to the world.

Forced Decisions: Compelled to use his powers against his principles to protect loved ones.

2. Empathy:

Put the Character in Distress: Ryan struggles to hide his true nature, fearing rejection and harm.

Make Them Relatable: Highlight Ryan’s desire for a normal life and friendships, mirroring universal teen experiences.

Universal Emotional Experiences: Explore themes of identity, belonging, and the fear of being an outsider.

Seth:

1. Distress:

Undeserved Misfortune: Seth is wrongly accused of betrayal, damaging his relationship with Ryan.

External Character Conflicts: Confrontation with Dr. Blaine over the consequences of their actions.

Plot Intruding on Life: Government interference jeopardizes his efforts to reanimate lost children.

Moral Dilemmas: Forced to choose between loyalty to Ryan and the greater good.

Forced Decisions: Compelled to make questionable alliances to protect those he cares about.

Empathy:

Put the Character in Distress: Seth grapples with the consequences of past decisions and the burden of secrecy.

Make Them Relatable: Emphasize Seth’s protective instincts and his struggle with the ghosts of his past.

Universal Emotional Experiences: Explore themes of redemption, sacrifice, and the complexity of morality.

Dr. Blaine:

1. Distress:

Undeserved Misfortune: Facing public scrutiny and blame for the Christopher project’s failure.

External Character Conflicts: Power struggle within Hermes as other factions challenge her authority.

Plot Intruding on Life: Personal life disrupted by the government’s relentless pursuit of Ryan.

Moral Dilemmas: Confronted with the ethical implications of exploiting Ryan’s abilities.

Forced Decisions: Balancing personal ambition with a growing moral unease.

2. Empathy:

Put the Character in Distress: Dr. Blaine grapples with guilt and the consequences of her past decisions.

Make Them Relatable: Humanize Dr. Blaine by exploring her motivations and the internal conflict she faces.

Universal Emotional Experiences: Explore themes of ambition, redemption, and the weight of responsibility.

Jimmy:

1. Distress:

Undeserved Misfortune: Jimmy’s connection to the lost children haunts him with their unresolved pain.

External Character Conflicts: Threatened by forces seeking to exploit his link to Ryan.

Plot Intruding on Life: The government closing in on discovering Jimmy’s true nature.

Moral Dilemmas: Struggling with the ethical implications of guiding Ryan’s actions.

Forced Decisions: Confronting the choice between staying hidden and intervening directly.

2. Empathy:

Put the Character in Distress: Jimmy’s desire to protect Ryan clashes with the limitations of his spiritual existence.

Make Them Relatable: Explore Jimmy’s attachment to the lost children and his desire for resolution.

Universal Emotional Experiences: Themes of sacrifice, loyalty, and the search for meaning in an ethereal existence.

I learned more about the internal dynamics facing my characters and this helps me make them more human and relatable.

[Art Blum]

I learned more about the internal dynamics facing my characters and this helps me make them more human and relatable.

TV show “24”

Distress:

Undeserved misfortune. Jack’s wife and daughter have been kidnapped. The kidnappers threaten to kill them unless he does as they order.

External character conflicts. CTU and police don’t believe Jack and think he’s acting on his own to kill Palmer.

Plot intruding on life. He’s trying to pull his family together but now he’s being used to assassinate a presidential candidate.

Moral dilemmas: Struggling to keep Palmer alive and at the same time save his wife and daughter and knowing he may have to become a killer to save them.

Forced decisions they’d never make. Having to take illegal actions to save his family.

Empathy:

Put the character in distress. The clock is ticking and he only has a few hours left to figure out where his family is being held.

Make them relatable. The stress is almost more than Jack can take and he’s coming close to breaking down emotionally.

Universal experiences that are emotional. Themes of being an outsider and loyalty to Palmer and his family.

Ryan:

1. Distress:

Undeserved Misfortune: Ryan’s secret is exposed at school, causing social isolation and bullying.

External Character Conflicts: Government agents capture and threaten his friends to force compliance.

Plot Intruding on Life: A government raid interrupts a crucial moment in his quest for identity.

Moral Dilemmas: Forced to choose between saving a friend or revealing his abilities to the world.

Forced Decisions: Compelled to use his powers against his principles to protect loved ones.

2. Empathy:

Put the Character in Distress: Ryan struggles to hide his true nature, fearing rejection and harm.

Make Them Relatable: Highlight Ryan’s desire for a normal life and friendships, mirroring universal teen experiences.

Universal Emotional Experiences: Explore themes of identity, belonging, and the fear of being an outsider.

Seth:

1. Distress:

Undeserved Misfortune: Seth is wrongly accused of betrayal, damaging his relationship with Ryan.

External Character Conflicts: Confrontation with Dr. Blaine over the consequences of their actions.

Plot Intruding on Life: Government interference jeopardizes his efforts to reanimate lost children.

Moral Dilemmas: Forced to choose between loyalty to Ryan and the greater good.

Forced Decisions: Compelled to make questionable alliances to protect those he cares about.

Empathy:

Put the Character in Distress: Seth grapples with the consequences of past decisions and the burden of secrecy.

Make Them Relatable: Emphasize Seth’s protective instincts and his struggle with the ghosts of his past.

Universal Emotional Experiences: Explore themes of redemption, sacrifice, and the complexity of morality.

Dr. Blaine:

1. Distress:

Undeserved Misfortune: Facing public scrutiny and blame for the Christopher project’s failure.

External Character Conflicts: Power struggle within Hermes as other factions challenge her authority.

Plot Intruding on Life: Personal life disrupted by the government’s relentless pursuit of Ryan.

Moral Dilemmas: Confronted with the ethical implications of exploiting Ryan’s abilities.

Forced Decisions: Balancing personal ambition with a growing moral unease.

2. Empathy:

Put the Character in Distress: Dr. Blaine grapples with guilt and the consequences of her past decisions.

Make Them Relatable: Humanize Dr. Blaine by exploring her motivations and the internal conflict she faces.

Universal Emotional Experiences: Explore themes of ambition, redemption, and the weight of responsibility.

Jimmy:

1. Distress:

Undeserved Misfortune: Jimmy’s connection to the lost children haunts him with their unresolved pain.

External Character Conflicts: Threatened by forces seeking to exploit his link to Ryan.

Plot Intruding on Life: The government closing in on discovering Jimmy’s true nature.

Moral Dilemmas: Struggling with the ethical implications of guiding Ryan’s actions.

Forced Decisions: Confronting the choice between staying hidden and intervening directly.

2. Empathy:

Put the Character in Distress: Jimmy’s desire to protect Ryan clashes with the limitations of his spiritual existence.

Make Them Relatable: Explore Jimmy’s attachment to the lost children and his desire for resolution.

Universal Emotional Experiences: Themes of sacrifice, loyalty, and the search for meaning in an ethereal existence.

[Art Blum]

BWTV with AI Star Rover Empathy/Distress.

I learned more about the internal dynamics facing my characters and this helps me make them more human and relatable.

TV show “24”

Distress:

Undeserved misfortune. Jack’s wife and daughter have been kidnapped. The kidnappers threaten to kill them unless he does as they order.

External character conflicts. CTU and police don’t believe Jack and think he’s acting on his own to kill Palmer.

Plot intruding on life. He’s trying to pull his family together but now he’s being used to assassinate a presidential candidate.

Moral dilemmas: Struggling to keep Palmer alive and at the same time save his wife and daughter and knowing he may have to become a killer to save them.

Forced decisions they’d never make. Having to take illegal actions to save his family.

Empathy:

Put the character in distress. The clock is ticking and he only has a few hours left to figure out where his family is being held.

Make them relatable. The stress is almost more than Jack can take and he’s coming close to breaking down emotionally.

Universal experiences that are emotional. Themes of being an outsider and loyalty to Palmer and his family.

Ryan:

1. Distress:

Undeserved Misfortune: Ryan’s secret is exposed at school, causing social isolation and bullying.

External Character Conflicts: Government agents capture and threaten his friends to force compliance.

Plot Intruding on Life: A government raid interrupts a crucial moment in his quest for identity.

Moral Dilemmas: Forced to choose between saving a friend or revealing his abilities to the world.

Forced Decisions: Compelled to use his powers against his principles to protect loved ones.

2. Empathy:

Put the Character in Distress: Ryan struggles to hide his true nature, fearing rejection and harm.

Make Them Relatable: Highlight Ryan’s desire for a normal life and friendships, mirroring universal teen experiences.

Universal Emotional Experiences: Explore themes of identity, belonging, and the fear of being an outsider.

Seth:

1. Distress:

Undeserved Misfortune: Seth is wrongly accused of betrayal, damaging his relationship with Ryan.

External Character Conflicts: Confrontation with Dr. Blaine over the consequences of their actions.

Plot Intruding on Life: Government interference jeopardizes his efforts to reanimate lost children.

Moral Dilemmas: Forced to choose between loyalty to Ryan and the greater good.

Forced Decisions: Compelled to make questionable alliances to protect those he cares about.

Empathy:

Put the Character in Distress: Seth grapples with the consequences of past decisions and the burden of secrecy.

Make Them Relatable: Emphasize Seth’s protective instincts and his struggle with the ghosts of his past.

Universal Emotional Experiences: Explore themes of redemption, sacrifice, and the complexity of morality.

Dr. Blaine:

1. Distress:

Undeserved Misfortune: Facing public scrutiny and blame for the Christopher project’s failure.

External Character Conflicts: Power struggle within Hermes as other factions challenge her authority.

Plot Intruding on Life: Personal life disrupted by the government’s relentless pursuit of Ryan.

Moral Dilemmas: Confronted with the ethical implications of exploiting Ryan’s abilities.

Forced Decisions: Balancing personal ambition with a growing moral unease.

2. Empathy:

Put the Character in Distress: Dr. Blaine grapples with guilt and the consequences of her past decisions.

Make Them Relatable: Humanize Dr. Blaine by exploring her motivations and the internal conflict she faces.

Universal Emotional Experiences: Explore themes of ambition, redemption, and the weight of responsibility.

Jimmy:

1. Distress:

Undeserved Misfortune: Jimmy’s connection to the lost children haunts him with their unresolved pain.

External Character Conflicts: Threatened by forces seeking to exploit his link to Ryan.

Plot Intruding on Life: The government closing in on discovering Jimmy’s true nature.

Moral Dilemmas: Struggling with the ethical implications of guiding Ryan’s actions.

Forced Decisions: Confronting the choice between staying hidden and intervening directly.

2. Empathy:

Put the Character in Distress: Jimmy’s desire to protect Ryan clashes with the limitations of his spiritual existence.

Make Them Relatable: Explore Jimmy’s attachment to the lost children and his desire for resolution.

Universal Emotional Experiences: Themes of sacrifice, loyalty, and the search for meaning in an ethereal existence.

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

[Art Blum]

What I learned doing this: This exercise helped me see how the characters work together. It also made me realize there are still character things I haven’t yet figured out.

Teri’s relationship to Tony on 24 at CTU

·

1. Surface: How does the relationship appear on the surface? Tony and Teri are fellow agents at CTU. Tony’s an agent at CTU but he’s super smart and realizes Teri’s up to something. He has his eye on everyone at CTU and knows what’s up.

2. Common ground: What do they have in common? They both would give their lives to carry out their mission.

3. Conflict: What things, issues, or situations will they fight about? Secrets: Why did Teri leave with Jack? Teri has to prove to Tony that one of the agents is a mole, that Jack is compromised.

4. History: What is the past of this relationship that makes it what it is today? Tony is jealous because Teri and Jack were once an item and he wants to be with her.

5. Subtext: What is under the surface, hidden or covert? Teri’s covering up her true motives for seeing Jack. She keeps giving Tony the runaround.

6. Relationship arc: Where does the relationship start at the beginning of the series and end at the completion of the season? It goes from suspicion to Teri explaining what’s going on. Jack is compromised and one of the agents is a mole. Once Tony knows this his entire persona changes and he goes after the mole as well as becoming protective of Teri and Jack.

<br clear=”all”> This table outlines the initial dynamics and how the relationships evolve over the course of the story. A Relationship map for STAR ROVER: Character Relationships for Ryan Gordon.

Seth

Surface: Mentor and Guardian.

Common Ground: Mysterious connection.

Conflict: Trust issues, Seth’s secrecy.

History: Seth Saved Ryan From Hermes.

Subtext: Seth’s true motives for protecting Ryan.

Relationship Arc: Ryan becomes more independent.

Indigo:

Surface: Classmate and fellow outsider.

Common Ground: Both feel like outsiders at school.

Conflict: Trust issues, Ryan’s powers.

History: Both are bedeviled by psychic experiences.

Subtext: Indigo’s potential psychic abilities.

Relationship Arc: Bond strengthens, uncovering mysteries.

Dr. Blaine:

Surface: Pursuer and antagonist.

Common Ground: Both possess unique abilities.

Conflict: Ethical conflicts, loyalty.

History: Dr. Blaine once kidnapped Ryan.

Subtext: Dr. Blaine’s hidden agenda.

Relationship Arc: Antagonism escalates.

JIMMY:

Surface: Mysterious spirit guide.

Common Ground: connected through their shared mission.

Conflict: Ryan’s search for Jimmy’s true identity.

History: Jimmy’s presence since Ryan’s childhood.

Subtext: The true identity of Jimmy.

Relationship Arc: Unveiling the mysteries of Jimmy.

Art Blum

[Art Blum]

What I learned was, I realize how three dimensional my characters seem to me when I look at them from all these different angles. I’m sure it will help when I write my scenes.

Assignment 1.

For Jack Bauer of the series 24:

1. He hopes to stop the assassination attempt on Palmer and to free his daughter from the clutches of the group that wants to assassinate him. His fear: The bad guys will kill his daughter unless he complies and kills Palmer.

2. He wants to be the hero and save everyone. He needs to show his inner vulnerability and get help from the people he loves.

3. Mask: He’s terrified of the situation getting out of hand and his inability to control it. His mask is a professional in charge, kind of a superhero who can get the job done no matter what.

4. Weaknesses: His past haunts him. All the people he’s hurt, all the violence he’s seen is piling on and causing him to break down mentally.

5. Triggers: Seeing any harm done to friends, family or those he’s trying to protect makes him go off.

6. Coping mechanism: Maintaining his façade of being the super tough guy in charge. Ignoring his own moral standards when it gets in the way of his job.

Assignment 2

Ryan Gordon (Star Rover):

<div>Situational:
Hope/Fear

Hope: Ryan hopes for a normal life where he can blend
in, attend school, and make friends without the burden of his unique
abilities.
Fear: He’s constantly haunted by the fear of being
captured by Hermes and used for their own purposes, which drives him to
stay on the run.
</div><div>

Motivation:
Want/Need

Want: Ryan wants a life free from his past, where he
can be a regular teenager and enjoy a sense of belonging.
Need: He needs to embrace his unique abilities and
help others, realizing that he can make a difference and possibly redeem
himself for the lives lost in the past.

Mask:
Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask

Base Negative Emotion: Guilt over the lives lost due
to his abilities.
Public Mask: He often presents a calm and collected
exterior, trying to fit in and avoid drawing attention to himself.

Weaknesses

Emotional vulnerability due to his past trauma.
Struggles with trust, often keeping others at arm’s
length.

Triggers

Any sign of Hermes or government agents pursuing him.
Witnessing harm or injustice inflicted on innocent
people.

Coping Mechanism

Isolation: Ryan often distances himself from others to
protect them.
Using humor to deflect from deeper emotions.

</div>

Seth:

<div>Situational:
Hope/Fear

Hope: Seth hopes for redemption and a chance to
protect Ryan from his past.
Fear: He’s haunted by the fear of failing to keep Ryan
safe and by the weight of their shared history.
</div><div>

Motivation:
Want/Need

Want: Seth wants to provide Ryan with a normal life
and protect him from harm.
Need: He needs to confront his own past and find
forgiveness for the mistakes he’s made.

Mask:
Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask

Base Negative Emotion: Guilt and regret.
Public Mask: Seth often appears stoic and dependable,
concealing his inner turmoil.

Weaknesses

An unwillingness to let go of the past.
Tendency to be overprotective.

Triggers

Threats to Ryan’s safety.
Encounters with people from their past.

Coping Mechanism

Taking on a fatherly role for Ryan.
Suppressing his own emotions to focus on protecting
Ryan.

</div>

Indigo:

<div>Situational:
Hope/Fear

Hope: Indigo hopes to unlock the true potential of her
psychic abilities.
Fear: She fears that her powers may spiral out of
control and harm those she cares about.
</div><div>

Motivation:
Want/Need

Want: Indigo wants to discover her true identity and
the extent of her psychic abilities.
Need: She needs guidance and support to harness her
powers safely.

Mask:
Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask

Base Negative Emotion: Insecurity and self-doubt.
Public Mask: Indigo often presents a confident and
curious demeanor, hiding her inner uncertainties.

Weaknesses

Lack of experience in controlling her psychic powers.
Vulnerability due to her desire to learn and explore.

Triggers

Psychic visions that overwhelm her.
Encounters with unexplained paranormal phenomena.

Coping Mechanism

Seeking knowledge and guidance from sources like Madam
Olga.
Testing her abilities to gain a better understanding
of them.

</div>

Dr. Blaine:

<div>Situational:
Hope/Fear

Hope: Dr. Blaine hopes to use Ryan’s abilities for the
benefit of humanity and to achieve personal recognition.
Fear: She fears losing control over Ryan or that her
actions will have unintended consequences.
</div><div>

Motivation:
Want/Need

Want: Dr. Blaine wants to complete her research and
prove her theories, no matter the cost.
Need: She needs to confront her own ethical boundaries
and consider the consequences of her actions.

Mask:
Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask

Base Negative Emotion: Ambition and obsession.
Public Mask: Dr. Blaine often appears composed and
authoritative, concealing her underlying obsessions.

Weaknesses

Ruthlessness when it comes to achieving her goals.
A willingness to compromise ethics for the sake of
scientific advancement.

Triggers

Interference with her research or the potential loss
of Ryan.
Ethical dilemmas that challenge her actions.

Coping Mechanism

Maintaining a facade of authority and conviction.
Ignoring the moral implications of her actions for the
sake of her research.

</div>

[Art Blum]

What I learned, I just listened to a webinar and I learned DO NOT make your pilot the prologue to your series. Producers, etc want to see what the show is going to look like. They don’t want to see a prologue. I was planning on making my pilot a prologue. Now maybe I’ll make 1/2 of it prologue and then segue to present day. I hope that’s okay.

ASSIGNMENT 1

Character Name: Jack Bauer – 24 –

Role: Lead Agent at CTU

Hidden agendas: The character has a covert plan. Jack has to break a prisoner out of jail so he can save his daughter. He has to lie and deceive the cops and CTU people to do so.

Competition: the character is competitive with someone and trying to defeat them. He’s being pressed by his superior whom he had to force give up some information. Now his superior is trying to stop him from going after the guys trying to kill his daughter.

Conspiracies: A secret plan by two or more people to do something unlawful or harmful. The plot to kill Palmer is a conspiracy involving using Jack’s daughter to force him to do the deed.

Secrets: Something hidden that impacts the situation. Palmer’s son killed the guy who raped his sister and Palmer is trying to cover it up. Jack has to keep it a secret that his daughter has been kidnapped or risk her being killed if anyone knows.

Deception: Causing someone to believe something that is not true especially to gain personal advantage. Jack deceives the cops when he tries to force a bad guy into giving up information about the whereabouts of his daughter. He secretly gives him a card key so he can escape. (hoping to get to his daughter.)

Wound: A traumatic experience with a major loss that haunts the character and shapes a lot of their coping decisions. Jack is traumatized by the death of a cop who was helping him catch a bad guy. He has a mini breakdown over it.

Secret Identity: A real or internal state the character has assigned themselves. Just about everyone in the show has a secret identity. There’s a mole in the department that Jack feels could be even his closest friend. He doesn’t know who to trust. Even his superior took $200,000 from a felon.

Assignment 2

Ryan Gordon (Star Rover):

Role: Teen on the run from Hermes, attending high
school.
Hidden Agendas: Ryan secretly plans to discover the
truth behind the Christopher project and the extent of his empathic
abilities. He aims to uncover the identities of those behind Hermes. He
also plans to reanimate the lost children of the Hermes project and turn
them into his army.
Competition: Ryan competes with Dr. Blaine, the head of
the psi ops program that recruited him. She seeks to harness his unique
abilities to channel alien spirits into the bodies of his high school
classmates for nefarious purposes. This competition drives the story’s
intrigue.
Conspiracies: The Christopher project, the government’s
role in it, and the true purpose of Hermes form a complex web of
conspiracies that Ryan seeks to unravel.
Secrets: Ryan carries the secret of his true identity
as Star Rover, his traumatic experiences within Hermes, and his connection
with Jimmy, a powerful spirit guide.
Deception: He often engages in subtle deception to
outmaneuver Hermes agents and protect his classmates. Ryan also hides his
true emotions to avoid suspicion.

Seth:

Role: The overweight guardian of Ryan.
Hidden Agendas: Seth has been secretly investigating
the truth about the Christopher project and Hermes. He secretly alters the
course of the rocket used by the Christopher project so it crashes into an
asteroid. He does this to put the spirits of the children on board out of
their misery. He tries to gather information that could help Ryan. He has
a hidden connection to the events of the past which embodies the reason
Ryan is in the program to begin with.
Competition: Seth is in a covert competition with
former associates who want to silence him and keep the project’s secrets
buried. He also goes against Hermes (a government program) to protect
Ryan.
Conspiracies: Seth is aware of the government’s role in
the Christopher project and is determined to expose their actions.
Secrets: Seth hides a traumatic experience related to
the project, which fuels his commitment to protecting Ryan. He also has
hidden knowledge about the fate of the spirits from the Christopher
project.
Wound: The loss of the project’s children and his own
connection to the traumatic events in the past have left deep emotional
wounds that drive his actions. He and his wife had a child who died at
birth and the sadness of it inspires him to save the other children that
Hermes has hunted.

Dr. Blaine:

Role: A key agent within the Hermes agency.
Hidden Agendas: Dr. Blaine is part of a clandestine
faction within Hermes with their own secret plans for using Ryan’s
abilities. They aim to exploit him for their own gain.
Competition: Dr. Blaine faces internal competition
within Hermes, as different factions vie for control of Ryan’s powers.
Conspiracies: The entire Hermes agency is a massive
conspiracy, with layers of intrigue and hidden agendas, including the
Christopher project and the government’s real intentions.
Secrets: Dr. Blaine is aware of the project’s true
objectives and the extent of the government’s involvement, which they want
to keep hidden. Also, Dr. Blaine was once a child in the program. She is
responsible for transferring the spirits (essence) of the children in the
Christopher project to a computer chip. One of the boys who was killed
during the project was her first love and she bears responsibility for it.
Deception: Dr. Blaine engages in deception to
manipulate Ryan and keep him under control, all while hiding their true
intentions.

Indigo:

Role: A fellow student at Ryan’s high school.
Hidden Agendas: Indigo has a covert agenda to discover
the source of Ryan’s empathic abilities and how they can be harnessed for
her own gain. Also, Indigo is being raised by Madam Olga, the town
psychic. Indigo may have some psychic abilities of her own.
Competition: She competes with other students who seek
to uncover the truth about Ryan’s powers and their origins. She’s in
conflict with them because she’s an ally of Ryan and some of them want
Ryan dead because he may be forced to use them as receptacles for the
aliens.
Conspiracies: Indigo becomes entangled in the
conspiracies surrounding Ryan and the Christopher project as she delves deeper
into the mystery.
Secrets: Indigo has her own secrets related to her
motivations for uncovering the truth, which may involve her own psychic visions.
She occasionally has visions and dreams of future events, precognition.
Deception: She may use deception to gain Ryan’s trust
and access to his abilities, all while hiding her true intentions.

[Art Blum]

Assignment 1: Jack Bauer – 24

Jack from 24

A. Role in the show: Jack is the top agent at CTU. He’s always thinking ahead and has huge trust issues mainly because everyone seems to have a secret agenda.

B. Unique purpose/expertise. He’s in charge of the plot to kill Palmer the first black candidate for presidency.

C. Intrigue: What is beneath the surface? He thinks Nina, his old flame is a mole at CTU. He checks her out.

D. Moral issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? To get answers, Jack is willing to take things to the limit. He’d shoot a fellow agent to get the information he needs. He breaks into computers.

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? Jack has a huge skill set and constantly shocks by knowing what to do in any situation and figuring a way out.

F. Emphatic: Why do we care? He’s intensely loyal. He’s willing to die to protect his family and the people he serves.

Assignment 2: STAR ROVER CHARACTERS WHO SELL MY SHOW

A. Role in the Show:

Ryan Gordon: The central
character and protagonist of the story, Ryan is a teenager with psychic abilities
pursued by a government agency. His role is to fight for his freedom,
protect his friends, and ultimately accept and control his unique powers.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise:

Ryan Gordon: His unique
expertise lies in his psychic abilities to communicate with spirits,
making him both a target for the government agency and a potential savior
for his classmates. His purpose is to prevent his powers from being
exploited and to use them for a greater good.

C. Intrigue: What Is Beneath the Surface?:

Ryan Gordon: Beneath his
shyness and reluctance to embrace his powers lies the potential for great
strength and heroism. His journey is one of self-discovery, as he uncovers
his hidden potential.

D. Moral Issue: What Moral Boundaries Are They Crossing?:

Ryan Gordon: He grapples
with the moral dilemma of using his powers to protect his friends and
confront the government agency. His decisions force him to explore the
ethical boundaries of using his unique abilities.

E. Unpredictable: What Will They Do Next?:

Ryan Gordon: His
unpredictability stems from his evolving understanding and control of his
psychic powers. As the story progresses, he becomes more confident and
capable, making his actions and choices unpredictable.

F. Emphatic: Why Do We Care?:

Ryan Gordon: We care about
Ryan because he represents the classic underdog facing overwhelming odds.
His journey of self-acceptance and his determination to protect his
friends resonates with audiences, drawing them into his personal problems and
supernatural struggles.

. Role in the Show:

Indigo Rivers: Initially,
she sees Ryan as an outsider but transforms into a loyal friend. As a
central character, she plays a key role in assisting Ryan and uncovering
the truth about the spirits and his past.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise:

Indigo Rivers: She brings
a unique perspective to the story due to her connection to psychic
practices through her grandmother. Her ability to empathize with Ryan and
her determination to help him provides a crucial emotional and practical
support system.

C. Intrigue: What Is Beneath the Surface?:

Indigo Rivers: Beneath her
initial perception of Ryan as a “freak” lies a compassionate and
loyal friend. Her growing involvement in Ryan’s quest adds layers to her
character and reveals her inner strength.

D. Moral Issue: What Moral Boundaries Are They Crossing?:

Indigo Rivers: She
confronts moral issues as she helps Ryan navigate his past, the
consequences of his powers, and the ethics of their actions while dealing
with the spirits. Her involvement raises questions about the moral
boundaries of utilizing psychic abilities.

E. Unpredictable: What Will They Do Next?:

Indigo Rivers: Her actions
and choices are unpredictable as she is determined to uncover the truth
about the spirits and Ryan’s past. Her character development adds
unexpected dimensions to the story.

F. Emphatic: Why Do We Care?:

Indigo Rivers: Audiences
care about Indigo because she represents the transformation of a character
from a skeptic to a loyal and compassionate friend. Her involvement in
Ryan’s journey adds an emotional element to the story, making us empathize
with her dedication to helping him unravel his past and confront his
powers.

Indigo Rivers’ character not only complements the storyline but also brings depth and heart to “Star Rover” through her evolving relationship with Ryan and her connection to psychic practices, adding a unique dimension to the narrative.

Seth Roemer: The rogue agent who, out of guilt, broke Ryan out of the Think Tank seven years ago. His role in the show is as a protector and mentor to Ryan, helping him stay hidden from Hermes.

· Dr. Roberta Blaine: The head of the Hermes psy ops program, who secretly desires to reunite with spirits of children she played a role in “transferring” to computer hardware. Her role is the pursuit of Ryan and her conflicted emotions regarding her past actions.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise:

· Seth Roemer: His expertise lies in covert operations and his knowledge of the ins and outs of Hermes. His unique purpose is to shield Ryan from the agency’s clutches.

· Dr. Roberta Blaine: Her expertise is in psychic operations and her unique purpose is to harness the abilities of individuals like Ryan, even though she carries the burden of her dark past and conflicted emotions.

C. Intrigue: What Is Beneath the Surface?:

· Seth Roemer: What lies beneath Seth’s tough exterior is his profound remorse for his past actions and the desire for redemption.

· Dr. Roberta Blaine: Beneath her steely exterior, there’s a complex inner conflict stemming from her role in the Christopher Project and her hidden hopes for reuniting with the spirits of those affected.

D. Moral Issue: What Moral Boundaries Are They Crossing?:

· Seth Roemer: He is crossing moral boundaries by going against his own agency and attempting to make amends for his role in Ryan’s traumatic past.

· Dr. Roberta Blaine: She is crossing moral boundaries by exploiting individuals with psychic abilities and her past involvement in a sinister project. Her quest to reunite with the spirits of dead children raises profound ethical questions.

E. Unpredictable: What Will They Do Next?:

· Seth Roemer: His unpredictability lies in his willingness to go to great lengths to protect Ryan, even against his own agency. His actions are driven by his impending mortality and the need to rectify past wrongs.

· Dr. Roberta Blaine: Driven by her personal desires, her next steps in relation to Ryan and the spirits she seeks to connect with remain uncertain, making her a character with unpredictable motives.

F. Emphatic: Why Do We Care?:

· Seth Roemer: We care about Seth because he’s a character seeking redemption, making personal sacrifices to protect Ryan, despite his earlier involvement in harming him.

· Dr. Roberta Blaine: We care about her because of her internal struggle, her complex motivations, and the potential for redemption or tragedy in her character arc. Her desire for reconciliation with the spirits she has wronged adds depth to her character.

[Art Blum]

What I learned: I’m impressed with the way 24 meshes it’s A story, Jack trying to save Palmer from assassination with the B story, the assassin(s) preparing to kill Palmer and the C story, Kim, the kidnapped daughter and the search for her. The suspense builds relentlessly. My story is more magical realism but I hope to make it suspenseful like 24.

Assignment 1

24

Main Characters Circle. (The Core Group) Jack, (hero) Tony, (CTU computer guy) Nina, (Tony’s Boss) Kim, (Jack’s kidnapped daughter) Palmer, (Presidential contender and target of assassin)

The Connected Circle: (Characters that Main Characters interact with during season) Teri, (Jack’s wife) Walsh, (Jack’s superior) Mandy, (ally of assassin) Mason, (shady CTU supervisor, York (father of Kim’s friend).

The environment: Various CTU agents, various killers and bad guys, public.

Assignment 2

STAR ROVER

Main character circle.

Ryan (protagonist) 14, in touch with the spirit world. An escapee from Hermes, trying to be a normal teen but the agency is after him.

Dr. Blaine: She runs Hermes, a secret government program that uses psychic children to find the whereabouts of our enemies.

Seth: An agent of Hermes. He discovered Ryan and recruited him. He’s now an ally of his trying to atone for what he did.

Indigo: Ryan’s girlfriend and ally against Hermes after they kidnap various classmates.

Connecting Characters: Coleman, a school bully who becomes an ally of Ryan.

Sgt. Davenport: He helps Dr. Blaine carry out missions.

Maria, Ryan’s guardian.

Nickels, Ryan’s half-brother.

Jimmy, a spirit that helps Ryan solve problems.

Environmental Circle

The spirits of kids killed a long time prior due to an errant experiment of Hermes.

Various thugs looking for Ryan.

Classmates in Ryan’s school.

The psychic kids under Dr. Blaine’s control.

[Art Blum]

Art Blum using “24” as my sample pilot. Most suspenseful show ever.

What I learned in doing this assignment? 24 is the granddaddy of the modern serial TV shows. Right off the bat it has the A story, Jack assigned to stop Palmer’s assassination. The B story, Kim running away and being kidnapped with Teri and York looking for her. 3. The CTU story with the mole and Mason giving Jack fake information. Everything meshes and works together. I don’t think my idea for a pilot has all this going for it yet. Maybe I’ll get there.

24

1. Big Picture hooks: Counterterrorist agent Jack Bauer must stop a political crisis, while maintaining a balance with his family life. There’s a threat on the first black candidate for the presidency. His daughter is kidnapped.

2. Intriguing Character: Jack. His daughter Kim, angry at him for leaving her mom and bitter at the new lady in his life runs off. Jack’s beside himself. He’s trying to be a good dad and make things work. He and Teri, his girlfriend are very upset at Kim running off. When, Jack gets an emergency call to come in to CTU (counter terrorist unit), there’s an emergency. He’s their major guy on the task force. Now juggling family problems and terror threat.

3. Empathy/distress: Empathy: Jack’s a guy who won’t compromise. He turned in two agents previously for bribery. Distress: Now he’s got to look for a mole in an agency that hates him for turning in his own. Empathy: He’s worried about the safety of his daughter. Distress: She’s been kidnapped. Empathy: He’s committed to his job and right now it’s protecting presidential candidate Palmer after learning (Distress) there’s a plot to kill him in the next 24 hours.

4. Layers/Open loops: What’s the emergency meeting about at CTU? Walsh, the main guy at CTU holds back information about the threat on Palmer because he’s compromised. Jack has to attack him to get the information. Jack learns there’s a mole at CTU. Who is it? The plane flying in from Germany: The guy on the plane whom we think is the killer is: major twist. It turns out the lady passenger next to him is the real assassin. She kills him to get his photographer credentials so she can get close to Palmer. Then she crashes the plane. What happens next? Kim goes to a party. The guys there kidnap her. What next? Palmer gets a call from a paper. They’re about to expose some confidential information about him. What is it?

5. Inviting obsession: How is Jack going to figure out who the would-be assassin is? Who is the mole? How will Jack discover who he or she is? Why was Kim kidnapped? Does it relate to the assassination attempt? How will the assassin get close to Palmer so she can kill him? How can Jack not only save Palmer but also save Kim?

[Art Blum]

Art Blum

How many scripts have I written? I can’t say as I’m old and piddle with the writing a lot. It’s my therapy. BUT, I’m kind of proud of 4 or 5 scripts.

What do you hope to get out of this? I wrote a screenplay that won lots of awards. I hope to turn it into a series and write the pilot with AI. Hopefully this class will help.

Something unique, special or strange about yourself. I’d like to give the Hannibal Lecter answer. “If you knew what was in the food, you wouldn’t even want to eat it.”

What Pro-Series etc. did you take? I think it was Pro Series 23 or something and a lot of other Hal Courses. At one of his workshops, I met Marla Hayes. She was from Canada and after that workshop, she always messaged me and made friend suggestions and asked how I was doing. When I hadn’t heard from her for a while, I researched and sadly found out she died. Just wanted to say a few words in remembrance. A very nice person.

[Art Blum]

As a member of this group, I, Art Blum agree to the following:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Art Blum]

Art’s Character Profiles:

What I learned is that I can get a lot of scene ideas and a lot more conflict after I’ve broken down the characters by trait and figuring out what make them tick.

Log line.

A young career woman, paralyzed by recurring nightmares involving another woman from a far-off time who was raped, gets the shock of her life when her DNA ancestry service informs her that a distant cousin with the same face and name as the rapist from her distant-past dream wants to get in touch.

Mattie Loomis

Role in the story: Protagonist, A graphic artist turned detective trying to resolve her recurring nightmares.

Core character traits (no more than 5)

– Paranoid of meeting same fate as ancestor

– Out to solve the mystery of her past so she can be at peace.

– Suffers from depression

– Risk taker

– Loyal

Character subtext Logline: Mattie can’t function until she gets vengeance on the man who raped her in a past life.

World view: Life is a big trap. The only way out is death.

Character arc: She goes from feeling trapped to helping others out of tight circumstances.

Elevated Trait: From out to solve the mystery of her past to out to get vengeance on her ancestor’s rapist.

Character Name: Jennifer

Role in the story: Ally of hero. A graduate student in counseling who takes on clients.

Core character traits (no more than 5)

– People oriented

– Needy of compliments especially that her advice is helpful.

– Worries that her advice causes more harm than good.

– Suffers psychosomatic illnesses

– Lacks confidence

Character subtext Logline: She feels her self-worth comes from helping others but her own feelings of worthlessness make her ill equipped to help others.

Character subtext: Jennifer feels her advice to her friend was not only bad, it will get her killed.

Character arc: She goes from feeling her advice was bad because she had such a rough childhood to realizing the tools she used to overcome her traumas are the best tools for helping others.

Elevated trait: From worrying about her ability to help others to confident that she knows what to do.

Earl Simms

Role in the story: Antagonist.

Core character traits (no more than 5)

– He’s a hands on guy who likes to solve problems physically. He’s not a guy who sits behind a desk.

– Confident.

– He feels everyone has a price.

– He’s a sociopath who acts charming but if need be, he’d slit your throat.

Character subtext Logline

Earl’s Mattie’s prince charming until she finds where the gold is buried. Then he’ll take it all for himself.

Elevated trait: From confident to overly confident. He’s sure he can physically overpower Mattie, his allies and anyone else who gets in his way. He finds himself outmatched.

CHARLENE:

Role in the story: A graphic artist with no talent who thinks she’s a star.

Core character traits (no more than 5)

– Coming off cigarettes, she goes through withdrawals which makes her very aggressive and confrontational.

– Claustrophobic

– Needs to feel in charge.

– Emotional

Character subtext Logline: There is no I in team. Charlene is the “I.” She deserves part of the reward if Mattie finds the gold because she’s such a good friend.

Mission: Follow Mattie to Mississippi to help her out of a jam.

Elevated trait: From emotional to hyper emotional. She has tantrums when she doesn’t get her way, like a five year old.

Character: Robin

Role in the story: Interconnecting character

Core character traits (no more than 5)

– Curious about her ancestors

– Furious about good old southern boys with deep seeded racism

– Paranoid about being singled out for punishment by white society.

– Lifelong volunteer at the food bank. Can’t stand seeing anyone hungry.

Character subtext Logline

Locked into an impoverished lifestyle while living on the plantation where her ancestors were slaves, she yearns to find a way out of poverty.

Character arc: She goes from seeing herself as a victim to a person who leads.

Elevated trait: From paranoid to hyper-paranoid. She knows her place and is very careful to stay in her place until she breaks a rule. Game over. It’s a fight to the finish.

[Art Blum]

What I learned is I have a clearer understanding of the roles my characters play and how they function after separating them and thinking about what makes them tick.

Required:

Mattie Loomis

Role in the story: Resolve an inherited trauma that happened to an ancestor.

Core character traits (no more than 5)

– Paranoid of meeting same fate as ancestor making her a self defense nut.

– Wants vengeance (out for justice) for an ancestor so she can be at peace.

– Seeks emotional connections

– Risk taker

– Loyal

Character subtext Logline: Mattie can’t be at peace with herself until she gets justice for a raped ancestor (but the rapist and his allies are all long gone.)

Optional:

Flaw: She desperately fears passing on her inherited trauma.

Want/Need She wants to solve a riddle to help ease an age old trauma. She needs to accept herself.

Mission/Agenda – Solve the riddle of a dead ancestor

World View – The world is hard on women and when the chips are down you’re on your own.

Life Metaphor/Identity “If you ever need help, I’m there.”

Secret: Her real reason for seeing Earl, is to kill him and his friends.

Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Maybe she’s wrong about everything.

What makes this character unique? She’s able to see a past world through the eyes of a bygone ancestor.

Character Name: Jennifer

Required:

Role in the story: Ally of hero.

Core character traits (no more than 5)

– People oriented

– Needy of compliments especially that her advice is helpful.

– Worries that her advice causes more harm than good.

– Suffers psychosomatic illnesses

– Lacks confidence

Character subtext Logline: She feels her self-worth comes from helping others but is not so giving toward herself.

Optional:

Flaw – She takes criticism to heart

Want/Need She wants to be loved and attractive. She needs to stop compromising to get people to like her.

Mission/Agenda: She goes to Mississippi thinking Mattie is in trouble.

World View:

Life Metaphor/Identity: She can solve everyone’s problems but her own.

Secret: She was raped in her teens and that’s why she’s so invested in helping Mattie solve her personal trauma about an ancestor being raped.

Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: She sometimes sees no value in her work.

What makes this character unique? She’s a counselor, therapist who feels there’s a rational explanation for everything but also believes in reincarnation and people being connected to a higher power.

Earl Simms

Required:

Role in the story: Antagonist.

Core character traits (no more than 5)

– He’s a hands on guy who likes to solve problems physically. He’s not a guy who sits behind a desk.

– He likes to give advice but he never follows anyone’s advice including his own.

– He feels everyone has a price.

– He’s a sociopath who’s charming but if need be, he’d slit your throat.

Character subtext Logline

Earl will be Mattie’s prince charming until she finds where the gold is buried. Then he’ll take it all for himself.

Optional:

Flaw: He’s too overly confident. He’s sure he can physically overpower Mattie and kill her when the time comes.

Want/Need: He wants the gold. He needs to be in a structured environment like prison.

Mission/Agenda: Find the gold.

World View

Life Metaphor/Identity

Secret

Something they don’t want to admit about themselves:

What makes this character unique? He’s kind of a reincarnation of the sociopath who raped Mattie’s ancestor.

CHARLENE:

Required:

Role in the story

Core character traits (no more than 5)

– Coming off cigarettes and going through withdrawal makes her very aggressive and confrontational

– Claustrophobic

– Needs to feel in charge but she never really is. That is, you can suggest things to her but never tell her what to think or do.

– Feels disrespected.

Character subtext Logline:

There is no I in team. Charlene is the “I.”

Optional:

Flaw: Her take charge attitude is a cover-up for her basic insecurity. She just wants to be respected as part of the group.

Want/Need: She wants to help Mattie because she feels she’ll get a reward for it. She needs to be part of something bigger than herself to feel worthy.

Mission/Agenda

World View

Life Metaphor/Identity

Secret

Something they don’t want to admit about themselves:

What makes this character unique?

[Art Blum]

SCENE SUMMARY BEAT SHEET

I learned that sometimes doing the opposite of what I started with improves the script.

A young career woman, paralyzed by recurring nightmares involving another woman from a far-off time who was raped, gets the shock of her life when her DNA ancestry service informs her of new DNA relatives, and one distant cousin has the same face and name as the rapist from her distant-past dream.

1. Mississippi Field Plantation 1865:

Yankee deserters plunder MATTIE FIELD’S (25) plantation. She manages to steal a horse drawn buggy that belongs to the deserters and flees. The buggy slows down the horse so she unhitches it and rolls it back into a cave where it careens down a steep incline and falls into a chasm. She gets on the horse and rides. The yanks catch her. One deserter with the name EARL SIMMS pinned to his uniform beats her, demands to know what she did with the buggy. She’s raped. Before they kill her Union soldiers arrive and arrest the deserters.

1. Bedroom:

MATTIE LOOMIS wakes up. The opening tease was her dream. It’s now the present, 2022. Mattie has a sketch on her desk of her assailant, Earl Simms. She takes Xanax to calm herself.

2. Outside her apartment:

Mattie sees an eviction notice taped to the door.

3. Parents’ home.

Mattie’s dad won’t help her out with her finances. He doesn’t like she uses drugs and can’t understand her obsession with dreams of a past life.

4. Ad agency.

At work, Mattie’s short tempered and combative with co-workers. They keep her on as a graphic artist due to the boss and her dad are friends.

5. Restaurant:

Mattie eats lunch with her one friend, JENNIFER who is a grad student in counseling. Even as they eat, Mattie has short flashbacks of the chase and rape from her dream. It’s getting worse. Mattie feels it’s a warning, but of what? All the participants in her dream died over 150 years earlier.

6. Mattie’s apartment:

She gets an e-mail from her ancestry search service. She has new DNA relatives. The last one on the list, a distant cousin, is named EARL SIMMS, same as the man who raped her. What’s more, he lives in Mississippi. What’s more, he looks just like the guy who raped her.

7. Horseback riding.

Mattie and Jennifer discuss this odd occurrence. Jennifer insists Mattie NOT contact Earl Simms. It could throw her over the edge.

8. Mattie’s apartment:

But, Mattie e-mails Earl. Her message is very unfriendly, asking him to leave her alone. It would mean nothing to anyone unfamiliar to her dreams.

9. At work

Mattie gets an e-mail from Earl. He’s very friendly, helpful, and kind, totally opposite of what she expected.

10. Jennifer’s office:

Jennifer tells Mattie there’s such a thing as inherited trauma where you not only inherit physical characteristics but often anxieties and phobias and even dreams from traumas that happened to an ancestor.

11. CONSTRUCTION SITE: MISSISSIPPI

Earl is a construction worker. He’s kind of a good old boy who drinks and carouses with the guys.

12. UPSCALE OFFICE

Earl’s girlfriend comes from a rich family. She wants him to quit his construction company and join daddy’s firm. Earl’s not a sit-at-a-desk type and the two are at odds. He can’t provide for her the way she’d like.

13. Earl and Mattie agree to meet on ZOOM.

They groom themselves as if going out on a first date. Mattie tells him of her dream and it changes everything. The dream is part of Earl’s family legend and there’s a mystery that needs solving. He wants Mattie to come to Mississippi and help solve it.

14. GYM:

Mattie shows she can fight at the gym when two guys mess with her. She gets kicked out of the gym and she can’t get into her apartment.

15. She’s on a GREYHOUND

She’s going south to meet Earl.

16. Jennifer can’t get hold of Mattie.

She goes to her apartment and sneaks in fearing something is wrong. She finds notes Mattie took when she talked to Earl, including his phone number. She calls Earl and warns him if anything happens to Mattie, she’ll call the police.

17. Earl meets Mattie in Tennessee.

He takes her to a motel room and shows her that the buggy Mattie Field’s ditched back in the dream sequence had gold stashed in a secret compartment. If they can find it, it’d make them all rich. He tries to get Mattie to remember where her namesake hid the gold but there’s only one thing to do in order to find it. Go back to Mississippi, to the plantation and see if it sparks any memories.

18. Outside the motel:

Mattie refuses to go only to see if Earl will force her. Instead, Earl bids her adieu. Mattie comes to the conclusion that Earl’s not the monster of her dreams and decides to go with him to Mississippi. Besides, she’s broke and needs the money, too.

19. Jennifer’s office.

A man threatens Jennifer and she realizes that Earl knows she’s a witness and that he wants her out of the way. This means Mattie’s in danger. Jennifer calls a co-worker of Mattie and warns her that Mattie’s in danger and so is she, (Jennifer). If anything happens to them, call the cops.

20. Ext. Jen’s office.

She’s attacked. Mattie’s coworker arrives and helps Jennifer escape, except the people after them continue to hunt them.

21. Mississippi café:

Mattie and Earl arrive in Mississippi and eat at a diner. There they meet a group of backwoods types who resemble the rest of the deserters from Mattie’s dreams. They seem to know Earl and think he’s out to trick them out of the gold. Earl stands up for Mattie when one of them touches her and beats the guys up.

22. Outside the diner.

Mattie’s impressed with Earl for helping her and now committed to finding the gold.

23. Driving:

Jennifer sees she’s being followed. The guys that tried to kill her in the office are after her. A car chase ensues and the guys crash over an embankment and are killed. Jennifer and Mattie’s coworker continue on to Mississippi.

24. Mattie Field’s plantation:

Mattie Loomis and Earl arrive and meet the new residents. The big plantation house from Mattie’s dreams is gone. Replaced with a little place where ROBIN and her son NATHAN live. Robin won’t let them enter but Mattie recognizes stuff in the house. She’s dreamed about some of the paintings and memorabilia. She impresses Robin with her knowledge of the ancestors. She knows everything from dreams.

25. SEARCH for the gold.

Robin and Nathan aid in the search. Mattie follows clues she remembers from her dreams and eventually finds it.

The rest of the movie: After they find the gold, the people from the diner return. They’re allies of Earl. They want the gold for themselves. Mattie, Robin and Nathan split up and run. The rest of the movie is a hunt by Earl and his guys to kill them as they are witnesses and how Jennifer and the coworker arrive to even the odds.

Mattie has good skills as a fighter and one by one they get the drop on the bad guys. The cops arrive but even they are allies of Earl and go after Mattie. Mattie and her allies get the drop on the cops, arrest them and call the FBI.

The FBI takes over and arrests the cops and take the gold. But, Mattie gets a 40% finders’ fee for recovering the stolen federal gold and uses the money in honor of Mattie Field’s to better the community in Mississippi.

After scene 6, I decided to change things. I brought Earl Simms into the picture earlier. I had him find Mattie and he contacts her to see if she knows anything about the incident that happened 150+ years before. This is a reverse of what I originally wrote but I think it gets things moving faster and may increase the tension.

Idea: CUT TO EARL SIMMS here.

1. CONSTRUCTION SITE: MISSISSIPPI Earl Simms looks identical to the man Mattie sees in her dreams. He’s a construction worker. He’s kind of a good old boy who drinks and carouses with the guys.

2. UPSCALE OFFICE Earl’s girlfriend comes from a rich family. She wants him to quit his construction company and join daddy’s firm. Earl’s not a sit-at-a-desk type and the two are at odds. He can’t provide for her the way she’d like.

3. EARL’s House – He discovers he has a DNA relative named Mattie Loomis who looks just like his ancestor Mattie Fields. He sees that she lives in Chicago. That’s where Mattie Fields went after the plantation burned down. Maybe she knows something. He e-mails her: Earl Simms is looking for you. He sees she’s related to his ancestor and Mattie Fields and would like to know if she has any knowledge of that period of time.

4. Mattie’s apartment: She gets Earl’s e-mail. He’s a distant cousin who looks the same as the man who raped her. What’s more, he lives in Mississippi.

5. Horseback riding. Mattie and Jennifer discuss this odd occurrence. Jennifer insists Mattie NOT contact Earl Simms. It could throw her over the edge.

[Art Blum]

Art’s Concept and basic structure:

What I learned from doing this is there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

1. Opening: Dream Sequence: Mississippi Plantation 1865: A renegade band of Yank deserters plunder the plantation of MATTIE FIELDS. Her husband JIM is killed. Mattie escapes on a buggy the Yanks left nearby. Mattie ditches the buggy in a cave whereupon it rolls down a steep incline and falls into a deep chasm. Mattie takes off on the horse. The yanks catch up to her where one of them, EARL SIMMS, rapes and tortures her demanding to know the whereabouts of the buggy. Before they kill her Union soldiers arrive and arrest the deserters.

Mattie Loomis who looks similar to Mattie Fields awakens from this dream. It’s present day. Mattie’s inherited trauma has led her to take martial arts classes to protect herself as she is in constant fear from her horrible dreams of becoming a victim like the girl in her dreams.

2. Inciting incident: Mattie Loomis gets an e-mail from her DNA ancestry service notifying her of new DNA relatives. The last on the list, a 5^th cousin from Mississippi has the same name and looks exactly like the man who raped her namesake, Earl Simms. But that happened over 150 years ago. It can’t be “him.”

3. By page 10 you know what the movie is about. Going against the advice of her girlfriend and parents, Mattie decides to contact this man. And he, as opposed to the man in her dreams, is a prince of a guy, giving her good advice, very friendly, very reassuring UNTIL she tells him of her Mattie Fields’ dreams. A new sense of urgency kicks in as the dream is part of his family legacy and there’s a riddle to be solved.

4. First turning point and end of Act I. Going against the advice of her girlfriend and parents, Mattie decides to go south and meet her cousin. Unwilling to go to Mississippi where she has all the bad dreams, she meets him halfway, in Tennessee and learns there was stolen gold in the buggy and no one ever found it. Perhaps, if they go to the old plantation in Mississippi, this Mattie can figure out what the other Mattie did with it. Mattie Loomis needs money. She’s reluctant but decides to give it a try. So she goes with this man to the plantation in Mississippi.

5. Midpoint: In Mississippi, Mattie meets the people who now live on the plantation. They’re surprised that Mattie has knowledge from her dreams of forebears. They show her old family heirlooms and Mattie knows stories about them that jibe with what they know. Now they want to join in on the search for the stolen gold, too.

Mattie’s girlfriend and an ally, thinking Mattie is in trouble head south to help her.

6. Second turning point and end of Act II. Mattie is able to find the gold. But Earl has his own allies who look much like the other deserters from Mattie’s dream. They, wanting the gold for themselves, try to kill Mattie and the family that tagged along.

7. Crises: Mattie, the family she’s with and her girlfriend team up and use skills they have to contact the local police, overcome and kill Mattie’s cousin and his allies. The local cops arrive but they’re good old boys and friends of Mattie’s cousin, Earl and they too want in on the action. Now Mattie and her friends have no one to turn to and no way out.

8. Climax: Mattie and her allies get the drop on the local police and arrest them. They call the FBI and give themselves up and the cops and the gold.

9. Resolution. The FBI piece together text messages, and phone records which prove the cops were in on it with Mattie’s cousin. Mattie gets a 40% finders’ fee on the stolen gold. She turns the money into a charitable foundation to help the poor folk in the area.

Select one element to elevate, brainstorm and redo story. I was thinking that around the midpoint, as Mattie searches for the gold, she gets lost in the cave where the gold was originally hid, (remember it fell into a chasm.) What if when Mattie finally finds her way out, she discovers she’s back in 1865? She went through a time warp and has replaced her namesake. But — this time she knows there was gold hidden in the buggy that flipped down into a chasm.

So, I’d be changing it from a suspense thriller type story to a sci-fi-fantasy.

1. Midpoint: In Mississippi, Mattie meets the people who now live on the plantation. During the search in the cave for the gold, Mattie gets lost and when she finds her way out, she’s back in 1865.

2. Second turning point and end of Act II. Mattie relocates the gold after Earl Simms and the yanks are arrested. (Remember we’re back in 1865)

3. Crises: Earl and the yank deserters overcome the union soldiers who arrested them and return to get the gold.

4. Climax: Mattie and her allies, people from the plantation get the drop them. Mattie figures out a way back to her time, but she can’t take the gold with her. She has to go against her pampered upbringing and for once in her life do something selfless with the money.

5. Resolution. So, she creates some kind of institution that will feed and protect local people. Then she’s whisked back to the future. Mattie learns that the institution she created in 1865 still exists and is flourishing and is now a godsend for thousands of people.

[Art Blum]

Art’s logline and one page. I learned from this that cutting out a ton of detail improves the read. Also, it seems like quite a few of you folks are working on similar things, universal consciousness perhaps?

THE FUTURE LIES BURIED IN THE PAST

A young career woman, paralyzed by recurring nightmares involving another woman from a far-off time who was raped, gets the shock of her life when her DNA ancestry service informs her of new DNA relatives, and one distant cousin has the same face and name as the rapist from her distant-past dream.

Inherited trauma, MATTIE’S best friend, JENNIFER, a psychologist grad student, calls it. She begs her not to contact this distant relative. Her parents want her to leave well enough alone, too. And the young woman suffers from so much trauma already, she agrees to just drop it.

But the dreams won’t stop. And the curiosity overwhelms her.

She e-mails the man and what she learns stuns her. The past holds a secret. Unraveling it may finally bring peace to the girl in her dreams but may also put her own life at risk.

Mattie’s dream is this guy’s family legend. The dream takes place in the final days of the Civil War. It involves a band of renegade Union deserters who plundered her estate and had with them stolen gold that was lost and never recovered.

The only one who knows what became of the gold is the girl of Mattie’s dreams. Maybe Mattie can unlock that secret, end dream-girl’s trauma and make her rich to boot.

So begins Mattie’s journey. Back to the plantation in Mississippi where it all began. And with the super-friendly nice man who couldn’t possibly be the reincarnation of the man who so violently raped the girl of her dreams. Or could he?

The stuff of dreams just got real.

[Art Blum]

I, Art Blum, agree to the terms of the class confidentiality release form.

[Art Blum]

Hi Everyone. I’m Art Blum.

I’ve probably written a dozen screenplays over the years. A few of them did well in contests and I had a deal once. Writing is my therapy. I’m hoping to improve my stuff with this class like everyone else. The only unique thing I care to share is I work in a hospital with lots of COVID and everyone around me is getting it. I haven’t gotten it but feel the noose tightening.