[Artūrs Kozels]

Arturs’s Comedy Brainstorm Session

What did I learn: Writing a comedy isn’t easy. Must come up with new ideas following the right principles. And that each scene you come up with must be as strong as possible to gain quality.

Comedy situation:

Wildly inappropriate response/comedic tragedy

Comedy character logline: Thomas is an aggressive but also very obedient policeman who’s been selected to be the Presidents substitute whenever the President refuses to speak.

Comedy character logline: Daniel is the President of the USA who orders to substitute him whenever he decides to fight the evil spirits alone at his office.

Possible funny moments:

1. Daniel refuses to meet with the President of Russia after has decided to repeat fighting moves he saw in some movie he watched recently.

2. Thomas talks aggressively polite to bodyguards of the President of Russia.

3. Thomas fights journalists on the street who offended Daniel.

4. Thomas intervenes president’s family conversation as everyone disagrees with the president’s made decision.

5. Thomas misinterprets when the president comes angry out of his bedroom as he waves him to get inside and talk to his wife who’s in bed naked.

Outline:

Daniel has a meeting with the President of Russia. The president of Russia reminds Daniel about one film he watched recently after which he wanted to repeat some moves. Thomas replaces him. The president of Russia is puzzled, he asks Thomas what’s happening. Bodyguards of the president of Russia get angry at Thomas as he talks as he wants to the president of Russia. Thomas begins to fight with bodyguards meanwhile Daniel is fighting against the evil spirits at his office.

[Artūrs Kozels]

DAY 5 Artūrs Kozels

What i have learned? That it Is important to write a logline for you characters to ease writing process.

LOGLINE: SUSAN (28) Is a redneck with IQ under 65 who gets certificate to teach philosophy but ends up studying it herself by her students.

INT. SCHOOL – EVENING

A classroom. Doors are opened. People come in sitting down – total number of students is 5. Susan sits at the profesors table turning a yellow note around and around, on both sides Is written “turn around”. She giggles.

MARZIA (25) comes to Susan.

Marzia – Hello. Shall we start?

Susan – sure. Why not?

Marzia goes back to her table. Everyone opens their notes.

Susan (wondering) – Who you are?

PHILIP (26) raises his hand. Susan looks at him, doesn’t understand what he wants. She clumsily and masculin runs up to Philip and high fives him. He’s puzzled.

Philip – i had a question.

Susan – me too.

Philip – but may i ask first then?

Susan – yes. Then I’ll be the second one.

Philip – what do you mean? Who we are as people or Who we are relating to profession?

Susan – Wow. I’ve always wanted to hear complex sentence…Now me! Who are you?

Philip – i just asked a question relating to this topic…

Susan – Is this an interview?

Philip – no.

Susan – i won’t get the job?

Marzia – you have job. You are at work.

Susan – what i must do?

Marzia – answer to our questions.

Susan – questioning? This Is so interesing… What do we do next?

Marzia and Philip look at each orher…

[Artūrs Kozels]

DAY 4 Artūrs Kozels

Forced union of incompatibles

What i have learned? I have learned that there are more ways how to write comedy. And that you can NEVER forget about incongruity!

EXT/ESTABL. RESTAURANT – EVENING

INT. RESTAURANT – SAME

SIRI (28), skinny, sits at the table like a guy, legs wide opened. Here approach EVE (30), she also moves like a guy. Hands move along her body as if she comes from bicepss workout. Eve sits down.

Siri looks joyfull but indifferent. Eve looks depressed although tries to find someone like her. Eve stops by the table like…

Eve – Hi. Are you Siri?

Siri – Yeah. You Eve?

Eve – Yeah.

Eve sits down just like Siri.

Eve – Why are you Here?

Siri – Kids at home. I distract them. They told me not to Come home without new husband. You?

Eve – Grandkids at home. They just don’t want me at home. They are afraid of me. Told me to not to Come home, find wife and pack My bags.

Siri- What do you do?

Eve – Plan funerals. You?

Siri (laughs masculine) – Weddings.

Eve – You are like this IPhone voice? Siri, are you there? Put alarm at 7:00 o’clock. Siri, remind me to eat.

Eve gives depressed laugh.

Siri – Yeah… Agha. And what happened to Adam? Burried him? Hopefully he died as a very Lucky man. Appeared as the first male on this planet and hundreds of thousand years later he meets you and dies of what? Of euphoric life or of heart failure which got sick since you two met?

Eve – I feel we are not on the same note here…

Siri – You feel correct.

Eve – It’s how it should be, right?

Siri – I guess.

Eve – I got funerals to run in 10 minutes. Wanna join?

Siri – OK.

Siri and Eve stand up and exit.

[Artūrs Kozels]

DAY 3 Artūrs Kozels funny scene

What I have learned is that incongruity is still #1 rule in comedy. You’re able to come up with anything, just let your mind loose and don’t be afraid of writing differently from others. Also that there are 6 comedy situations of which I know only 3, yet, but it’s because I go slowly at this.

EXT. CHURCH – DAY

RICK (55), blind and a little shy person, dressed formally as from the 1990s. Puts his wand beside the doors and walks into a small church.

INT. CHURCH – DAY

Rick is being expected by a PRIEST in his 30s with a very low voice. The priest reaches out to Rick.

Priest (honored)- Well, hello sir…!

Rick (vulnerable)- Hello… I need help…

Rick laughs a little. The priest helps Rick to get to the confessional. Both sit down in a cage. Candles around.

Priest- So. Tell me. What’s on your heart?

Rick- Oh… You don’t wanna know. You see, I’m a little shy person. And it ain’t comfortable for me to start. Perhaps you may wanna start and I’ll join? I’ve never done this. My wife said this is the best place…

Priest- Yes! Indeed, the best and only… No problem sir! The god…–

Rick- Oh yes… The god is real. He’s the blessing and he’s the best. What hasn’t he invented?? Thanks… Feel much better now. Do you have something I could hold? Just to get the right mood. I feel better if I’m in a mood… And if I’ve come to this place which never happens, I’m in a goddamn good mood.

The priest gets puzzled.

Priest- Are you sure?

Rick- Yes. Give something to me. I’m in unhappiness, my friend.

The priest takes one candle and passes it through the bars of the tiny window between them. Rick takes it. Becomes more upbeat…

Rick- Wow. Wow. Even hear the God calling me. God calls me upon. My wife is going to be truly happy I came here…

Rick strokes it. Finds the burner. Stretches it… Keeps stroking it harder and harder like his own dick. Shouts out inappropriate words one after another. He gets boner himself… The priest is in shock…

Rick- Ohhh yesss…. My wife was right! She’ll be so FUCKING glad of two dicks in her. One in deep anal and the other as this fabric slips into her ass…

The priest sweats of embarrassment hoping no one hears them. The priest begins to bang his fist against the wall to stop Rick as he jerks off the wrong genitalia… Rick stops for a beat.

Priest (grounded)- Sir! What do you want? What are you doing?

Rick (stunned)- What is this place? Isn’t this the sex store?

Priest (in despair)- No. Oh my Go–

The priest makes a cross looking up in the ceilings of the cage. Apologizes to God saying nothing.

Priest (broken)- Sir… This is a church.

Rick stops immediately after doing who knows what… Looks around as if he wouldn’t be blind and would be able to inspect the environment.

Rick- Alright then! We shall be thankful we weren’t under naked sky. He didn’t saw us.

Priest- God knows and sees everything. I like to say he’s our subconscious mind.

Rick rapidly stands up as if everything would have been arranged. Brush dust off his pants.

Rick (noble)- HAHA!! Then fuck it. If God is in our mind then who cares what we do? We didn’t nor screwed, nor fucked up. Calm down, boy. You’ve got a lot to learn. What you can learn from this conversation is… Listen. But firstly, ask the right question. Bye!

Rick walks away.

[Artūrs Kozels]

DAY 2 Artūrs Kozels

What I have learned is that comedy has 3 plots.

PREMISE:

A passionate striptease dancer who’s hired as a security guard at the airport night before Christmas eve.

1. Fish out of water

Left alone at a security check on Christmas eve he attempts to flirt with the leader of the group of terrorists.

2. Incongruent pairing

The leader of the group of terrorists turns out to be bisexual who goes on an airplane with his fiancee.

3. Hilarious purpose

The striptease dancer walks naked in an airplane to save people from blowing up as he tries to win the hand of the leader of terrorists.

CHARACTER:

A heavy metal/drug addict has his dream tour coming up in a week.

1. Fish out of water

Gets asked to look after his dead brother’s little daughter who plays the flute and lives in the countryside.

2. Incongruent pairing

The little daughter is very sensitive to loud noises and hates rock.

3. Hilarious purpose

The star’s manager forces the heavy metal to cooperate with a little relative to come up with a new track to save his spot on stage along with other artists.

[Artūrs Kozels]

DAY 1 Assignment

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

What I learned from this assignment is that there’s a setup and a punchline before every joke in STAND-UP which I knew, but I wasn’t sure that this technique is used in movies, too.

EXT. SUBURBAN HOME — NIGHT

CU of Ron

(NOTE) SETUP: Perhaps there is something important to say? Like: We are appointed as the best newscast team in the world…?

RON

Hey everyone, I have a very important
breaking news story…

(NOTE) PUNCHLINE: Well… Nevermind…

…Cannonball!!!

Pull back to see it is a drunken pool party of anchors and
women. Ron, in his underwear, does a cannonball into the
pool. A dozen other people including the News Team jump in
as well.

NARRATOR {V.O.)

Yes, these fellas were a real news
team. Burgundy, of course, was the
foundation, the rock.

“Use Me Up” by Bill Withers plays. As the team rising from
the pool in slow motion we see their hair is miraculously
completely dry and perfect.

(NOTE) SETUP: Every member broughts in something unique about themselves. But wait until the very end.

NARRATOR (CONT’D)

But each member brought their own
special something to the equation.

SUPER FAST PUSH IN TO: Brian Fantana who is laughing, drinking, and playing around with a .38 while talking to an attractive
lady in a green silk dress. Freeze Frame

BRIAN FANTANA {V.O.)

People call me the Bri Man. I’m very
stylish and have what the French
call Jenny Say Kwane. I use a hand
full of talcum powder on my genitals
every morning and own over three
thousand different colognes. Ladies
dig my stuff.

SUPER FAST PUSH IN AND FREEZE: Champ is doing shots of tequila
with some baseball players and a newscaster from a rival
station.

CHAMP KIND (V. 0. )

Champ here. I’m all about havin’
fun, you know, get a few drinks in
me, maybe start a fire in someone’s
kitchen. Anyway, I’ve kind of become
famous for my signature catchphrase
nWhammy”. As in:

CONTINUED:

Quick cut to Champ announcing some highlights.

CHAMP

Steve Garvey at the plate
annnd … Whammy!!!

CHAMP KIND

Everywhere I go people let me know
how much they love my Whammies.

SETUP:

Cut to: l)Champ having sex with a woman in a bridal gown in
a closet. They yell “Whammy!” when they orgasm. We hear a
knock on the door and a man’s voice “Honey, where are you?
They’re ready to cut the cake!” 2) Champ at a funeral with
tears streaming down his cheeks. A priest approaches him.

PUNCHLINE: We wait for Priest telling something tragical, instead he joins.

PRIEST

Your Father was a good man. And by
the way, Whammy.

SUPER FAST PUSH IN: Brick Tamland is trying to get something
out of the toaster with a fork.

(NOTE) PUNCHLINE: The very end…

BRICK TAMLAND (V.O.)

I’m Brick Tamland. People seem to
like me because I’m polite and rarely
late. I like to eat ice cream and I
really enjoy a nice pair of slacks.
Years later a doctor will tell me
that I have an IQ of 48 and am what
some people call “mentally retarded.”

[Artūrs Kozels]

Hi! My name is Artūrs Kozels. So far I’ve written two scripts- the first one was total garbage, on the second one I worked for 1.5 years, and both I have sent to Nicholl Fellowship. Crossing my fingers, although I keep writing and don’t even think about it… To be honest, I hope to observe new knowledge and get better at what I love to do 🙂

Something unique about me? I’m from Latvia.