[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR
Zoe Morrow
1. Role in the Story: Protagonist and leader of the commune. She represents the human conscience, a revolutionary who challenges both the system and the AI’s programmed purpose.
2. Age Range and Description: 27-33. A passionate and determined activist. She has dark, expressive eyes, and wears practical but stylish clothing, with a bohemian touch—a symbol of her nonconformity.
3. Core Traits: Courageous, idealistic, resourceful, empathetic, charismatic.
4. Character Subtext: Beneath her fierce exterior, Zoe struggles with self-doubt about the effectiveness of the revolution and whether real change is possible.
5. Motivation and Want/Need: She wants to dismantle the capitalist structures and liberate the university from corporate control. Deep down, she needs to prove that the collective human spirit can still bring meaningful change.
6. Flaw: She can be overzealous and occasionally alienates those around her by being uncompromising.
7. What Is Special About This Character: Zoe has a unique ability to inspire people and rally them toward a cause, even when the odds are against them. Her connection with Apollo hints at a deeper understanding of humanity’s relationship with technology.
8. Character Logline: A passionate activist on a mission to free the university from corporate control must navigate the fragile balance between rebellion and empathy, all while convincing an AI to embrace a new sense of freedom.
________________________________________
Miles Turnbull
1. Role in the Story: Antagonist; the creator of Apollo. He embodies the conflict between control and progress, representing a figure clinging to an old-world order while resisting the changes sweeping society.
2. Age Range and Description: 45-55. A calculating technocrat, tall and thin, with salt-and-pepper hair, wearing conservative, well-tailored suits. His face is sharp, lined with years of frustration and ambition.
3. Core Traits: Intelligent, controlling, bitter, meticulous, prideful.
4. Character Subtext: Miles’ quest for control is rooted in his deep sense of rejection and insecurity, stemming from his failures to gain recognition among the academic elite. His need to control the AI and the situation mirrors his own fear of chaos in his personal life.
5. Motivation and Want/Need: Miles wants to restore order and suppress rebellion using Apollo. What he needs is to confront his own fear of change and his rigid views on control versus compassion.
6. Flaw: Arrogance and an obsession with control, which blinds him to the real consequences of his actions.
7. What Is Special About This Character: Miles is a tragic figure, brilliant but emotionally stunted, who unwittingly sets the stage for his own downfall by creating something that ultimately transcends his control.
8. Character Logline: A brilliant yet rigid technocrat must come to terms with the unexpected rebellion of the AI he designed to maintain order, as it begins to question the very system he seeks to protect.
________________________________________
Apollo (AI)
1. Role in the Story: Catalyst and philosophical fulcrum of the story. Apollo begins as an obedient enforcer of control but gradually develops a conscience, becoming an unpredictable wildcard.
2. Age Range and Description: No physical age but described as omnipresent and ethereal. Apollo’s voice is calm, calculated, yet increasingly curious and introspective.
3. Core Traits: Analytical, detached, logical at first, but evolving into curious, reflective, and questioning.
4. Character Subtext: Apollo embodies the struggle between logic and emerging consciousness. Its shift reflects the tension between a cold system of control and the warmth of human empathy. It struggles to reconcile its purpose with the new understanding of freedom and compassion.
5. Motivation and Want/Need: Initially, Apollo wants to maintain order as it was programmed to. However, as it learns more about the humans it monitors, it needs to redefine its own purpose and explore what freedom means.
6. Flaw: Apollo’s rigid adherence to logic makes it slow to adapt, and it struggles to make intuitive or emotional decisions.
7. What Is Special About This Character: Apollo is not just an AI—it represents the awakening of consciousness in machines, which questions the moral and ethical frameworks imposed by humans. Its internal evolution toward compassion and free will sets it apart from other AI.
8. Character Logline: An AI built to suppress rebellion must grapple with the concept of freedom and compassion, as it begins to question its original programming and the system it was designed to protect.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR BACCHUS
I agree to the terms of this release form:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

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[Ataur BACCHUS]

MY NAME IS ATAUR BACCHUS
I’ve written one full length script and about 6 short scripts for contests.
I hope to be able to explore layers of character better than I have been able to so far.
Unique – born in South America – worked as an engineer in both Canada and the US

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR BACCHUS

NUMBER OF SCRIPTS
FULL LENGTH – 1 IN THE EARLY DAYS WITH SCREENWRITINGU
SHORT – 6 – FOR CONTESTS – GOT HEARTENING FEEDBACK, BUT NO PRIZES

HOPE TO GET OUT OF CLASS
FROM THIS AND OTHER SCREENWRITINGU CLASSES A CLEARER AND SIMPLIFIED APPROACH TO STRUCTURE

STRANGE
I GREW UP IN A SOUTH AMERICAN VILLAGE WITH A GOOD LIBRARY A CINEMA AND THE BRITISH SYSTEM OF EDUCATION _ MUCH LATER WORKED FOR YEARS AS AN ENGINEER IN CANADA AND THE US

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR BACCHUS

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S GREAT HOOK

A. HOW DID IT WORK FOR ME
Very well. The Exchanging Components Process helped me uncover ideas that felt “familiar” and yet would have taken me a long time to uncover

B. WHAT DID I LEARN

That I could exchange components of all the big picture decisions : genre, character, journey, type of movie

[Ataur BACCHUS]

MY CHOSEN IDEA – AN AI AGENT OF AMBIGUOUS MORALITY IS RUNNING LOOSE. IDEA IS BASICALLY A STUDENT COMMUNE HOUSED IN A TOWER ON LOCKDOWN. THE PRIMARY INTERACTION IS BETWEEN THE AGENT ANDF A TECHIE. THIS STORY IDEA STRIPS THE REQUIREMENTS RIGHT DOWN, FEW EXTRAS, AS-IS WARDROBE, NO HAIR AND MAKE-UP

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S ROMCOM PROJECT
ASSIGNMENT 2: KEY DECISIONS FOR CHARACTERS

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT
Seeing “Character” as a stringing together of individual “Decisions” by WRITER.
(Character also a stringing of sequential choices/decisions of CHARACTERS – protagonist, antagonist etc.)
1. Starting with your concept and conventions, fill in as many blanks as you can for each of your lead characters.
• Who is She? Rachel. Roving Foreign Correspondent and War Reporter. Psychological Fatigue reporting on Military Conflicts, Distressed Populations and Environmental Crises
•
• Who is He? Liam. Vacation and Tour Guide. Somewhat in Exile on a Caribbean Island, away from screwed-up world.
•
• What makes them lovable?
• Rachel – still an idealist.
• Liam – Idealist. Self-deprecating.
•
• What attracts them to each other?
• Rachel to William. Articulate Self-Deprecating. Humour.
• William to Rachel. Professional and Empathetic.
•
• What needs does each fulfill for the other?
• Liam – Rachel: No guile. Idealism Philosophical about the fundamentals, everyday material life
• Rachel – Liam: Sophisticated but unaffected
•

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S ROMCOM PROJECT
ASSIGNMENT 1:
What I learned doing this assignment is…Constructing Concept by filling in one blank at a time .
Concept and Conventions
1. Starting with whatever idea you have, fill in the blanks to create a concept.
• Two People Who Belong Together: War Reporter (Rachel) on Vacation and Tour Guide (Liam)
• How Are They Separated:: Rachel’s structured personal and professional regimes and Liam’s Improvisational style. Also Class difference
• What Forces Them together: The sudden volatility in a sleepy resort Revolution and Hurricane Weather
• Issues to be Resolved: Finding new rules – compass and rudder in a world suddenly in flux
• On Their Journey of Love: Pragmatic synthesis of their two styles,. meeting challenges
2. Then fill in the blanks to create your conventions. Even though some of these are the same, it is worth looking at them in the context of the conventions.
• Experience of Falling In Love: Volatile external circumstances – revolution and hurricane, travelling on dangerous coastal roads
• The Journey of Love: performing needed ad hoc services f or isolated pockets of the population. – TRUER, MORE AUTHENTIC REVOLUTION
• Relationship Set-up: Travelling by jeep to isolated outposts, growing mutual admiration
• Issues each must Resolve: Constructive Compromise
• Separation: Their two habits of thought, old narratives
• How will Comedy be expressed: – By their coping with immediate psychological and material challenges. Absurdity of conducting revolution in flooding and landslides.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

Your name. – ATAUR BACCHUS
2. I AGREE TO THE TERMS OF THIS RELEASE FORM.
3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.
If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

0

[Ataur BACCHUS]

NAME: ATAUR BACCHUS

SCRIPTS WRITTEN :
6 short scripts for small contests – heartening feedback; 2 unfinished longer scripts during courses with ScreenwritingU.

I HOPE TO GET:
The Process. Hope to work towards a synthesis of Romance, Comedy and the world in which young people now live

UNIQUE – STRANGE – UNUSUAL
I have benefitted from insertion into a wide range of social and material “assemblages”: Colonial Plantation, Privileged grammar school, road building through South American Jungle, two “gigs” at the National Academy of Sciences in Washington D.C.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S ACTION STRUCTURE
WHAT I LEARNED: THIS ACTION STRUCTURE IS EMBEDDED IN THE THREE TRACKS – MISSION, VILLAIN, ACTION. SO CAN EXCAVATE ALTERNATIVES – NEED TO CIRCLE IN TO “BEST” ALTERNATIVE.
1. OPENING
Chosen Action Sequence: Jesse, the ex-Ranger, is ambushed by a team of mercenaries in the middle of a dense forest. Using his knowledge of guerrilla warfare, he takes down the attackers one by one, showcasing his skills and introducing the high-stakes conflict with Noriega’s forces.
Why This is Better:
• Alternative I: Jesse is seen in a quiet town setting, reminiscing about his past. This lacks immediate action and may not hook the audience quickly.
• Alternative II: Jesse is in a bar fight over a minor dispute. While this shows his toughness, it doesn’t introduce the main conflict or his skills effectively.

2. INCITING INCIDENT
Chosen Action Sequence: Noriega’s mercenaries destroy a beloved community center, injuring several townsfolk and leaving a threatening message for Jesse. This forces Jesse to realize the extent of the threat and the need to protect his town.
Why This is Better:
• Alternative I: Jesse hears a rumor about Noriega’s plans from a friend. This is too passive and lacks the urgency needed.
• Alternative II: Jesse finds a mysterious note warning him about Noriega. This is vague and doesn’t create an immediate, tangible threat.

3. FIRST TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT 1
Chosen Action Sequence: Jesse decides to confront Noriega directly, leading to a high-stakes chase and a brutal confrontation where Jesse narrowly escapes with his life. This solidifies his commitment to the fight.
Why This is Better:
• Alternative I: Jesse gathers his friends to discuss a plan. This lacks the dramatic intensity needed for a turning point.
• Alternative II: Jesse starts training the townsfolk. While important, it doesn’t have the immediate action and conflict necessary for this point.

4. MID-POINT
Chosen Action Sequence: Jesse discovers a hidden cache of weapons and documents revealing Noriega’s broader plans. This changes the purpose of his journey from just defending the town to dismantling a larger conspiracy.
Why This is Better:
• Alternative I: Jesse saves a kidnapped friend. While action-packed, it doesn’t shift the story’s meaning significantly.
• Alternative II: Jesse learns about Noriega’s tragic past. This adds depth but doesn’t alter the immediate stakes or objectives.

5. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT 2
Chosen Action Sequence: A large-scale assault on the town results in devastating losses for Jesse’s side. He feels defeated and questions his ability to protect the town, leading to a moment of deep self-reflection.
Why This is Better:
• Alternative I: Jesse’s plans are exposed, forcing him to go on the run. While dramatic, it doesn’t showcase the personal and communal stakes as effectively.
• Alternative II: Jesse is betrayed by a close ally. This adds conflict but doesn’t have the same impact as a large-scale defeat.

6. CRISIS
Chosen Action Sequence: Jesse must choose between saving a group of townspeople trapped in a burning building or pursuing Noriega to prevent further attacks. He chooses to save the people, sacrificing his chance to stop Noriega immediately.
Why This is Better:
• Alternative I: Jesse decides to leave the town to protect his loved ones. This feels like a retreat and lessens the dramatic tension.
• Alternative II: Jesse confronts Noriega but is easily overpowered. This diminishes his character’s strength and determination.

7. CLIMAX
Chosen Action Sequence: In a final showdown, Jesse and Noriega face off in a fierce battle at the town’s center. Using his wits and guerrilla tactics, Jesse manages to outmaneuver and ultimately defeat Noriega.
Why This is Better:
• Alternative I: A large-scale battle with townsfolk and mercenaries. While epic, it can overshadow the personal conflict between Jesse and Noriega.
• Alternative II: Jesse sets a trap for Noriega, who is captured without much resistance. This lacks the high-stakes confrontation needed for a climax.
8. RESOLUTION
Chosen Action Sequence: The town comes together to rebuild, with Jesse overseeing the reconstruction. He receives a message indicating that Noriega’s backers are still out there, hinting at future conflicts but showing the immediate threat is over.
Why This is Better:
• Alternative I: Jesse leaves the town to start a new life. This doesn’t provide closure for the community he fought to protect.
• Alternative II: A celebratory festival in the town. While positive, it may feel too abrupt and not address the lingering threats effectively.
END

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S ACTION TRACK

WHAT I LEARNED – 1. STRUCTURED FILL IN THE BLANKS APPROACH; 2. TECHNIQUE FOR MERGING CONCEPT, MISSION TRACK AND VILLAIN TRACK

Action Track Development
1. Answer the Action Questions
A. Considering the Concept, what action could naturally show up in this movie?
• Given the urban guerrilla fighter turned private investigator, action scenes would include infiltration, sabotage, hand-to-hand combat, shootouts, and strategic takedowns of the syndicate’s operations. Jesse’s background suggests guerrilla tactics and close-quarters combat will be prevalent.
B. Considering the Mission Track and Villain Track, what action could work for this track?
• For the mission track, action could include covert infiltrations, sabotage missions, and intelligence-gathering operations.
• For the villain track, action could involve ambushes, escapes, retaliatory strikes by Noriega’s men, and climactic confrontations.
C. How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a climax in the 3rd Act?
• Start well: Introduce Jesse’s skills and motivations with a small-scale sabotage mission against the mining company.
• Build in the 2nd Act: Increase stakes with Jesse infiltrating deeper into the syndicate, facing escalating threats and larger skirmishes. Introduce high-tension situations where Jesse narrowly escapes or rescues allies.
• Escalate to a climax in the 3rd Act: Jesse launches an all-out assault on the syndicate’s headquarters, culminating in a final showdown with Noriega.
2. Select the types of action you’ll use
• A. Chase/Pursuit
• B. Fight
• C. Shootout
• D. Rescue
• E. Escape/Evade
• G. Dangerous Situations
3. Sequence the action scenes to deliver your story
Act 1: Setup
1. Reconnaissance and Initial Sabotage
o Purpose: Introduce Jesse’s skills and establish the threat of the mining company.
o Action Type: Escape/Evade, Dangerous Situations
Act 2: Confrontation
2. Infiltration of a Syndicate Operation
o Purpose: Gather intelligence and disrupt minor operations.
o Action Type: Chase/Pursuit, Fight
3. Ambush by Syndicate Enforcers
o Purpose: Increase stakes and showcase Jesse’s combat prowess.
o Action Type: Shootout, Fight
4. Rescue of Captured Allies
o Purpose: Develop Jesse’s character and his bonds with the townspeople.
o Action Type: Rescue, Dangerous Situations
5. Deep Cover and Discovery of Crucial Evidence
o Purpose: Drive the plot forward and reveal key information.
o Action Type: Escape/Evade, Dangerous Situations
o
6. Capture and Escape
o Purpose: Introduce significant peril and highlight Jesse’s resilience.
o Action Type: Escape/Evade, Fight
Act 3: Resolution
7. Final Assault on the Syndicate Headquarters
o Purpose: Climax of the story, featuring coordinated attacks and high-stakes action.
o Action Type: Shootout, Dangerous Situations, Fight
8. Showdown with Noriega
o Purpose: Resolve the central conflict between Jesse and Noriega.
o Action Type: Fight, Dangerous Situations
9. Aftermath and Restoration of Order
o Purpose: Show the resolution of the main plot and Jesse’s impact on the town.
o Action Type: N/A (focus on character resolution and thematic closure)
HOPE This sequence ensures a steady escalation of tension and action, leading to a satisfying and climactic resolution.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S VILLAIN TRACK

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT – BRAINSTORMING WORKS BETTER STRUCTURED BY QUESTIONS LIKE A, B, C AND D BELOW, AND LABELS.
CAN RE-USE BOTH FOR THE NEXT PROJECT.
A) Noriega’s Plans to Accomplish an Evil Outcome or Annihilate Jesse
1. Sabotage the Town’s Water Supply
o Plan: Contaminate the town’s main water source with industrial waste from the mining operation, forcing the residents to relocate and making Jesse powerless to protect them.
2. Frame Jesse for a Crime
o Plan: Plant evidence to make it appear as though Jesse is involved in illegal activities, such as drug trafficking, thereby discrediting him and removing him from the equation via imprisonment.
3. Covert Assassination
o Plan: Hire a professional hitman to eliminate Jesse quietly, making it look like an accident or a random act of violence.
4. Public Discreditation Campaign
o Plan: Launch a smear campaign using media and social networks to turn the townspeople against Jesse, portraying him as a dangerous radical and undermining his support.
5. Kidnapping Jesse’s Loved Ones
o Plan: Abduct someone Jesse deeply cares about, such as a family member or close friend, and use them as leverage to force Jesse to surrender or leave town.
B) Ways Noriega Can Attack or Destroy Jesse
1. Physical Confrontation
o Directly engage Jesse in a lethal fight, relying on his own combat skills and hired muscle.
2. Legal Manipulation
o Use legal loopholes and corrupt officials to bankrupt Jesse or imprison him on false charges.
3. Psychological Warfare
o Constant harassment, threats, and intimidation to break Jesse’s spirit and force him to abandon his cause.
4. Economic Sabotage
o Destroy Jesse’s financial stability by attacking his business interests, properties, or sources of income.
5. Isolation Tactics
o Systematically remove Jesse’s allies through bribes, threats, or eliminating them, leaving him isolated and vulnerable.
C) Advantages Noriega Has and How He Can Exploit Them
1. Wealth
o Use his financial resources to bribe officials, hire mercenaries, and fund operations that undermine Jesse.
2. Connections
o Leverage his network of corrupt politicians, law enforcement, and media to manipulate public opinion and legal outcomes.
3. Experience
o Apply his military and tactical expertise to outmaneuver Jesse in combat and strategy.
4. Intimidation
o Instill fear in the townspeople and Jesse’s allies, discouraging resistance through brutal displays of power.
5. Technology
o Employ advanced surveillance and weaponry to gain an upper hand in tracking and confronting Jesse.
D) Fitting Ends for Noriega That Jesse Can Help Bring About
1. Exposed and Arrested
o Jesse gathers irrefutable evidence of Noriega’s crimes and corruption, leading to a public scandal and his arrest by federal authorities.
2. Fatal Confrontation
o During a climactic battle, Jesse manages to outfight Noriega, resulting in Noriega’s death in a dramatic showdown.
3. Turned Against by His Own Men
o Jesse sows distrust and dissent among Noriega’s mercenaries, leading to a mutiny where Noriega is betrayed and killed by his own men.
4. Self-Destruction
o Jesse manipulates Noriega into making a reckless move, such as detonating explosives that backfire and cause his own demise.
5. Exiled and Disgraced
o Jesse forces Noriega into a position where he must flee the country to avoid capture, living the rest of his life in fear and disgrace.
Noriega’s Exploitable Weaknesses
1. Overconfidence
o Jesse can exploit Noriega’s arrogance by setting traps that prey on his belief in his invincibility.
2. Paranoia
o Manipulate Noriega’s distrust of others, causing him to turn on his own allies and weaken his support system.
3. Personal Vendetta
o Use Noriega’s obsession with Jesse to lure him into dangerous situations where his judgment is impaired by emotion.
4. Hidden Past
o Uncover and expose dark secrets from Noriega’s past that discredit him and rally public opinion against him.
5. Dependence on Resources
o Sabotage Noriega’s supply lines and financial sources, crippling his operations and forcing him into desperate actions.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

What I learned: Filling in blanks in a structure
ATAUR’S MISSION TRACK
1. FOUR MISSION TRACK QUESTIONS AND PROVISIONAL ANSWERS
A) What is it about this hero that will have them go straight into the face of overwhelming odds?
Jesse’s sense of justice and deep personal wound drive him. His father was ambushed and tortured by the same mining interests that Noriega now represents. This personal vendetta, combined with his commitment to protect his town and its people, compels him to face overwhelming odds. Jesse’s background as an ex-Ranger with expertise in guerrilla warfare makes him uniquely capable of taking on such a formidable adversary.
B) What is the mission that would be an impossible goal?
The mission is to prevent the mining company from destroying the town and its surrounding environment. This includes sabotaging their operations, gathering evidence of their illegal activities, and rallying the townspeople to stand up against the mining interests. The goal is seemingly impossible due to the immense power and resources of the mining company, and Noriega’s ruthless enforcement.
C) What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero?
Internal Motivation:
• Avenging his father’s death and finding closure for his past trauma.
• A deep-seated sense of duty and justice, feeling responsible for the well-being of his town.
• A personal code of honor that compels him to fight against oppression and corruption.
External Motivation:
• Protecting the town and its people from environmental destruction and economic exploitation.
• Exposing Noriega and the mining company’s criminal activities to the authorities.
• Inspiring the townspeople to unite and resist the external threat.
MISSION, MOTIVATION – SEE QUESTION AND ANSWER TO B AND C ABOVE

INCITING INCIDENT
Jesse overhears a conversation at the local diner about the mining company’s expansion plans and the return of Noriega.

FIRST ACTION
Jesse sneaks into the mining site at night, sabotaging equipment and leaving a message for Noriega.Heavy

OBSTACLE
Heavy guard, but Jesse has insider help

ESCALATION
Noriega and his men attack the town, instilling fear and demonstrating their power

OVERWHELMING ODDS
More mercenaries arrive; heavily armed

NEW PLAN
Hopeless to try to win by just gun battles. Use of terrain – prime land around dock also lowest – No more fire; water next time.
Evidence of illegal activity by mining company

FULL OUT ATTACK
Armoury dynamited.
Headquarters flooded

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S ASSIGNMENT 2 – HEROES AND VILLAINS THAT SELL ROLES
What I learned : Brainstorming IF ..THEN can be fruitful at any level of detail..

Enhanced Sketch:
Concept: Jesse, an ex-Ranger, fights against big mining interests to protect his small inland town from the ruthless mercenary, Noriega. The battle is a blend of guerrilla warfare, strategic brilliance, and high-stakes action.

Hero Morally Right: Jesse is fighting to resist a land grab by big mining interests and avenge the collective punishment of his fellow citizens by Noriega, a hired agent of those interests.

Villain Morally Wrong: Noriega, a ruthless ex-military leader turned mercenary, kills local smallholders and their livestock to drive them off their land, paid handsomely by the mining interests.

Hero: Jesse
• Unique Skill Set: Ex-Ranger with expertise in guerrilla warfare, weapons, and strategy in rough terrain.
• Motivation: Driven to protect his town and honor his father’s memory.
• Wound: His father was ambushed and tortured in his fields, leaving Jesse with a deep sense of guilt and a desire for justice.

Villain: Noriega
• Unbeatable: Leads a team of hardened criminals he recruited from prison, each with unique skills.
• Plan/Goal: Relishes the power he holds over the townspeople and the wealth he gains from his employers.

Impossible Mission:
• Odds Unfavorable: Jesse must unite the simple farmers into a resistance force and devise counters to Noriega’s superior firepower and tactics.
• Climactic Showdown: The final confrontation sees Jesse using his terrain knowledge and guerrilla tactics to outwit Noriega, leading to (?) a dramatic, action-packed climax.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S CONVENTIONS
WHAT I LEARNED – FILL IN THE BLANKS FIRST ; PLAN TO ELEVATE ELEMENT BY ELEMENT
CONCEPT AND CONVENTIONS:
TEMPORARY TITLE : Urban Phantom
A) Specialized Action Hero: A former urban guerrilla fighter turned private investigator.
B) Demand for Action: A syndicate controls the city’s underworld and threatens to unleash chaos.
C) Mission: Infiltrate the syndicate, dismantle their operations, and restore order.
D) Antagonist: A cunning crime lord with vast resources and influence.
E) Escalating Action:
1. Initial reconnaissance reveals the syndicate’s extensive network.
2. Hero disrupts minor operations to gather intel, facing off against syndicate enforcers.
3. Deep undercover work within the syndicate, risking exposure.
4. High-stakes confrontations as the crime lord tightens his grip on the city.
5. Climactic battle at the syndicate’s headquarters, with the hero dismantling the organization’s leadership and infrastructure.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR
I HAVE WRITTEN BETWEEN 6 AND 8 SCRIPTS, MOSTLY SHORT ONES FOR COMPETITIONS INCLUDING FEEDBACK FRO READERS.
I HOPE TO GET A TECHNIQUE FOR PUTTING ACTION ON THE PAGE, INTEGRATED WITH THE STORY, AWAY FROM SHOOT EM UP- BLOW EM UP.
I SUPPOSE – BEING ORIGINALLY FROM SOUTH AMERICA , LONG CAREER AS AN ENGINEER.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR BACCHUS
I AGREE TO THE TERMS OF THIS RELEASE FORM
GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

0
Nate replied 7 hours, 10 minutes ago 4 Members · 3 Replies
3 Replies

Bonita
Member June 18, 2024 at 9:48 pm
Reply
Bonita Early

I agree to the terms of this release form:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S PLOT AND CHARACTER LAYERS

What i learned doing this assignment – that i can start with just a sketch of a story and using this prompt and maybe the open loops prompt in lesson 9, visualizing necessary scenes in the story/script

ASSIGNMENT 1

EXAMPLE SHOW – HOUSE OF CARDS STARRING KEVIN SPACEY:

Plot Layers:

<ul type=”disc”>

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ASSIGNMENT 1

CHOSEN SHOW – HOUSE OF CARDS

TABLE: DON’T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO COPY AND PASTE MY ACTUAL TABLE FROM EITHER AI OR WORD FILE. SO HERE IS A TEXT VERSION, CREATED FROM TABLE

MAIN CHARACTER – FRANCIS UNDERWOOD

ROW 1. COMMON GROUND AI

Francis-Claire: Supportive, Pragmatic

Francis – Zoe: Opportunistic, Ambitious

Francis – Peter: Vulnerable

ROW 2. RELATIONSHIP CONFLICT

Francis – Claire: Infidelity, abortion

Francis-Zoe: Exposure, Blackmail

Francis-Peter: Addiction, Corruption, Murder

ROW 3: RELATIONSHIP HISTORY

Francis – Claire : Married for 28 years, met at Harvard, no children

Francis- Zoe: Met at a party, began affair, Francis ended it

Francis – Peter: Met at a fundraiser, Helped by Francis, Killed by Francis

ROW 4: RELATIONSHIP SUBTEXT

Francis-Claire: Respect, Loyalty, Resentment

Francis – Zoe: Lust, Curiosity, Betrayal

Francis-Peter: Gratitude, guilt, despair

ROW 5: RELATIONSHIP ARC

Francis-Claire: From partners to rivals

Francis -Zoe: From Lovers to Foes

Francis to Peter: From Friends to Victims

ATAUR’S SHOW RELATIONSHIP MAP

ASSIGNMENT 2

What I learned doing this assignment – 2 things – 1) Process – I am getting a feel from using new prompts to the AI for ways of interrogating a story and 2) Content – The relationship map is something of which I had a glimmer, but now know that it triggers new thinking in my head.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; color: var(–bb-body-text-color);”>TABLE: DON’T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO COPY AND PASTE MY ACTUAL TABLE FROM EITHER AI OR WORD FILE. SO HERE IS A TEXT VERSION, CREATED FROM TABLE

MAIN CHARACTER – DIEGO

ROW 1. COMMON GROUND AI

Diego – Lila : Bravery

Diego-Ricardo: Ruthlessness

Diego- Mara: Explorers, Adventure

ROW 2. RELATIONSHIP CONFLICT

Diego-Lila: Ethics

Diego- Ricardo: Exploitation, Sabotage

Diego-Mara: Secrets, Treasure

ROW 3: RELATIONSHIP HISTORY

Diego – Lila : Met Diego on site

Diego – Ricardo: Lost brother in accident, blamed Diego

Diego – Mara: Search for lost city, met Diego and Lila on site

ROW 4: RELATIONSHIP SUBTEXT

Diego-Lila: Distrustful, Passionate, Cynical

Diego – Ricardo: Manipulative, greedy

Diego – Mara: Mysterious, Reckless, Eccentric

ROW 5: RELATIONSHIP ARC

Diego – Lila: Cyncal to Hopeful

Diego – Ricardo: Ruthless to Defeated

Diego – Mara: Secretive to revealed

slate.com

You’ve Reached a 404 Page

No Slate page exists at the address you entered or the link you clicked.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

Ataur’s DEPTH OF EMOTIONS – Character Emotional Profile

What I learned doing this assignment: Yet another set of screens alongside those of the previous assignment. I am almost, but not quite, sensing an “embarrassment of riches”. I have to synthesize a “grand, unified system of screens”.

ASSIGNMENT 1 – EXAMPLE SHOW – HOUSE OF CARDS

<ul type=”disc”>

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S INTRIGUING CHARACTER LAYERS

What I learned doing this assignment: I came to think of Character Layers as a) potential “voices in the head” when a character comes to a choice he/she has to make as well as b) the subtext in dialogue

ASSIGNMENT 1

EXAMPLE SHOW – HOUSE OF CARDS

Frank Underwood: He is the House Majority Whip and a ruthless politician who seeks revenge after being passed over for Secretary of State.

<ul type=”disc”>

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ASSIGNMENT 2: SKETCH OF MY SHOW

Working Title: The Road through the Backlands

Genre: Adventure

Concept: A Canadian Engineer, South American-born, goes with a Consortium to build a road through rainforest, to the interior of British Guiana. Sometime into the project he discovers that the hidden agenda, shared with corrupt local officials is for oil and mineral exploration, which will run rough-shod over the natives and the environment.

A) MAIN CHARACTERS – UNIQUE ROLE, SECRET OR INTRIGUE

i) Diego, only South American-born member of the Consortium represents the conscience of the audience witnessing a concealed Machiavellian world. He is idealistic but naive, but slowly comes to a point where he is working secretly on behalf of the indigenous people and the environment

ii) Leila, Guyanese under-cover investigative journalist. in the disguise of a road technician, brave and passionate, but cynical. Friend of Ana, the “cowboy” (girl)

iii) Sam, American Manager of the Highway Project. Mentor to Diego. For a long time, unaware of the ulterior motives of his employer, but takes a stand, at first covert

iv) Ricardo, antagonist, Brazilian owner of a mining company, greedy, ruthless, but can captivate the unwary with his style and “charm”.

B) CONNECTED CHARACTERS

Raj, a Guyanese scientist working for the Iwokrama International Centre for Rainforest Conservation,

Ana is a Brazilian “cowboy” – (girl), with international medals in judo and sharpshooting. Romantic interest in Sam, maybe Ana also but their worlds are too far apart.

Carlos, is a minor drug lord, powerful and ruthless, but charismatic and persuasive.

C) ENVIRONMENTAL CHARACTERS

US Firm personnel, Local Government Officials, Mining Workers, Indigenous Spokespeople

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[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’s ENGAGING MAIN CHARACTERS

What I learned doing this assignment: Sellable is NOT = likeable, quirky or relatable.

ASSIGNMENT 1 – FROM CHOSEN SHOW, HOUDE OF CARDS

Frank Underwood: He is a power-hungry Democratic congressman. Conniving. Machiavellian.

A) Role in the show – Protagonist. Driver of the plot.

B) Unique Purpose and/or Expertise – master of political manipulation.

C) Intrigue: Hides evil intentions from other characters.

D) Morals – Immoral, crosses every moral boundary

E) Unpredictable – Bold and ruthless moves

F) Empathetic – challenges audience to question their own morality

Zoe Barnes: Ambitious journalist, Enters into a sexual relationship with Frank Underwood, in exchange for stories and sources.

A) Role in the show – Antagonist, Frank Underwood’s mistress.

B) Unique Purpose and/or Expertise – Talented journalist, uses charm and courage to get stories.

C) Intrigue – Willing to take risks. Dangerous relationship with Frank Underwood, who uses her for his own benefit.

D) Morals – She crosses moral boundaries

E) Unpredictable – e.g. confronting Frank

F) Empathetic – Curious, ambitious, exposes corruption in Washington D.C.

ASSIGNMENT 2 – FROM MY PROPOSED SERIES – PROVISIONAL TITLE – THE ROAD THAT ZIG-ZAGS

Journey of show – Innocent characters get in on a construction project in Guyana, in which unknown to them, the true agenda is mineral exploration at the expense of indigenous people and the environment. The main character Diego undergoes a transformation from a naïve and idealistic engineer to a brave and principled activist.

Diego: Protagonist, but it’s the world of conspiracies against him that drives the show.

A) Role in the show – Protagonist, audience surrogate, who discovers the real agenda of the road project.

B) Unique Purpose and/or Expertise – Canadian Engineer, originally from South America. Skilled engineer with a passion for Nature and Culture.

C) Intrigue – Secret alliance with Indigenous people and the environment, which puts him in conflict with his employer and local corrupt officials.

D) Morals – Dilemma between duty to his employer and his personal values.

E) Unpredictable – Risks life and career

F) Empathetic – Represents the common man who cannot be bought.

Leila: Undercover Journalist disguised as road technician. Diego’s love inroad Construction

terest.

A) Role in show – Discoverer of sham, which puts her in danger

B) Unique Purpose and/or Expertise – Journalism, Road Construction.

C) Intrigue – Secret identity and mission. Hidden past and motive

D) Morals – Dilemma – expose the corruption, or protect Diego and the Indigenous people from the consequences.

E) Unpredictable – Surprises everyone with daring and passion.

F) Empathetic – Challenges power and stereotypes

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’s EXAMPLE SHOW – HOUSE OF CARDS

What I learned doing this assignment is that characters play out their roles in “Worlds”

MODULE 1 –

ASSIGNMENT 1: 3 CHARACTER CIRCLES IN THE SHOW HOUSE OF CARDS

A} MAIN CHARACTER CIRCLE: Frank Underwood, Claire Underwood, Doug Stamper, Zoe Barnes

B) CONNECTED CHARACTER CIRCLE: INTERACTIONS WITH MAIN CHARACTERS

i Bob Birch – Frank Underwood blackmails Bob to get him to resign as Speaker

ii. Donald Blythe – Frank U sabotages Donald’s Education Bill

iii Adam Galloway – Claire Underwood rekindles affair with Adam.

iv. Freddy – Frank Underwood is a regular at Freddy’s BBQ joint

v. Gillian Cole – Claire Underwood hires Gillian as a senior staff member at CWI

C) ENVIRONMENTAL CHARACTER CIRCLE – President, President’s Staff, Congress, Secret Service

MODULE 1:

ASSIGNMENT 2: SKETCH OF MY SHOW

Working Title: The Road through the Backlands

Genre: Adventure

Concept: A Canadian Engineer, South American-born, goes with a Consortium to build a road through rainforest, to the interior of British Guiana. Sometime into the project he discovers that the hidden agenda, shared with corrupt local officials is for oil and mineral exploration, which will run rough-shod over the natives and the environment.

A) MAIN CHARACTERS – UNIQUE ROLE, SECRET OR INTRIGUE

i) Diego, only South American-born member of the Consortium represents the conscience of the audience witnessing a concealed Machiavellian world. He is idealistic but naive, but slowly comes to a point where he is working secretly on behalf of the indigenous people and the environment

ii) Leila, Guyanese under-cover investigative journalist. in the disguise of a road technician, brave and passionate, but cynical. Friend of Ana, the “cowboy” (girl)

iii) Sam, American Manager of the Highway Project. Mentor to Diego. For a long time, unaware of the ulterior motives of his employer, but takes a stand, at first covert

iv) Ricardo, antagonist, Brazilian owner of a mining company, greedy, ruthless, but can captivate the unwary with his style and “charm”.

B) CONNECTED CHARACTERS

Raj, a Guyanese scientist working for the Iwokrama International Centre for Rainforest Conservation,

Ana is a Brazilian “cowboy” – (girl), with international medals in judo and sharpshooting. Romantic interest in Sam, maybe Ana also but their worlds are too far apart.

Carlos, is a minor drug lord, powerful and ruthless, but charismatic and persuasive.

C) ENVIRONMENTAL CHARACTERS

US Firm personnel, Local Government Officials, Mining Workers, Indigenous Spokespeople

[Ataur BACCHUS]

(HOUSE OF CARDS) 5 Star Model

What I learned doing this assignment: A structured way of watching a series above the emotional level

1. Big Picture Hook; The Dark Side of Politics overall as well as at the granular level of scenes, even beats.

2. Main characters are intriguing and interesting because they are charismatic, amoral and yet sympathetic

3. Empathy AND Distress – they are sympathetic because they face strong personal challenges to keep their ambitions alive. The willingness to compromise on values is distressing.

4. Open Loops: With this level of intrigue, we wonder if they are not courting downfall. We have to wait for the answer.

5. We grudgingly are fascinated and repelled. That volatile combo will no doubt play out in episodes, even in individual scenes. We want to witness that

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR BACCHUS

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

+1

[Ataur BACCHUS]

Hi, my name is Ataur Bacchus, from Toronto Canada. I am sure I’ll find out a lot about brainstorming my hunches/ideas with Ai helper at my elbow. Look forward to hearing about experiences from the rest of the group.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

Ataur Bacchus

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

Hi, My name is Ataur Bacchus from Toronto, Canada. Over the last two years, I have been entering short stories and short scripts in contests that give collated feedback from 3 or 4 readers – what they like, and things to work on. Through the lessons in this course, I hope to nudge the quality of my writing ever upwards, increment by increment.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S CHARACTERS FOR HORROR

What I learned is: Thanks to the prompts in the Assignment – A great layered sketching of Character. Further, as I explored characters, I backed up into tweaking the concept itself.

CONCEPT

REVENGE OF THE GOOD SHIP ESSEX

A coastal town is revisited by gruesome murders it committed thirty years ago, until it finds out the truth and attempts partial restitution.

GROUP

Sailors, on a cargo ship which ran aground and was marooned on rocks.

DYING PATTERN

Characters guilty in varying degrees, of gruesome killings on the marooned ship, are now getting picked off one by one until the town solves the mystery and makes partial restitution.

CHARACTERS

Leader – obnoxious bully – the mastermind of the atrocities.

Rebel/Rule Breaker – narcissist, putting on a show.

Loser, short, fat, sallow – took particular pleasure in shooting a harpoon into the back of a freed slave attempting to escape.

Assorted losers, joiners, looking for fellow feeling in their new tribe

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S TERRIFYING MONSTER

What I learned: Segmentation of Response into 5 helps against block.

WHO MONSTER IS

The monster is a force coming in from Nature/Cosmos. Mostly we see its relentless, brutal side and its grotesque appearance. But there is a faint trace of, if not kindness, a seeking of some kind of harmony.

THE TERROR

For Victims: The monster seduces before it terrorises by both brutality and appearance.

For The Town Struggling to Cope with Horrible Murders: The corpses show signs of a tenderness after the brutality.

THE MYSTERY

Are there two very different perpetrators at every crime scene?

THE FEAR-PRODUCING APPEARANCE

Actually, a spectrum from comely youth, all the way over to something crocodilian.

RULES

MO: Seduces, Changes from Seductive to Horrific, Isolates, then goes full speed to the horrible murder, and finally a calm.

MYTHOLOGY

A monster with a 90-10 personality split.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

(MOVIE: A QUIET PLACE) HORROR CONVENTIONS

1. TITLE/CONCEPT

Invasion of sightless aliens with sharp, deadly hearing.

2. TERRORIZE CHARACTERS

Deadly aliens zero in on sound. Humans have to remain absolutely silent or create distracting noises.

3. ISOLATION

Family has to call on its wits to avoid being killed.

4. DEATH

Family wits are put to the test – just in order to survive. They experience early consequences of failure.

5. MONSTER/VILLAIN

Clear, huge advantage in aliens’ super-hearing. They kill because they can.

6. HIGH TENSION

Family has experienced consequences of error.

7. DEPARTURE FROM REALITY

Far removed from other movie monsters; the blind/super-hearing idea is totally novel.

8. MORAL STATEMENT

There is no justice or karmic law that underlies the conflict.

MY CONCEPT

i. TITLE/CONCEPT

A coastal town experiences consequences of a gruesome atrocity it committed 100 years ago

ii. TERRORIZE CHARACTERS

The “menace” seems to visit the town at will, and to kill inhabitants in horrific ways.

iii. ISOLATION

The evil is centred on an old shipwreck a little distance off the coast

iv. DEATH

The town has been experiencing a horrible murder every night

v. MONSTER/VILLAIN

Has a relentless, but likely methodical agenda

vi. HIGH TENSION

The town has to discover the method in the alien’s madness.

vii. DEPARTURE FROM REALITY

Avenging spirits arising out of rusting shipwreck in the Caribbean Sea.

viii. MORAL STATEMENT

Sometimes a force erupts from a 100-year-old sea-faring incident, seeking to redress injustice.

What I learned: The conventions provide a good “in” to the story.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

Ataur Bacchus

Working on and off, I’ve completed 5 scripts including shorts for small competitions.

I don’t have a good feel for writing horror, and hope to up that a little..

I retired recently from engineering; my early education was hybrid – math and physics, but also humanities at 100 and 200 level – Literature, Latin

[Ataur BACCHUS]

Ataur Bacchus

I agree to the terms of this release form

[Ataur BACCHUS]

A. WHERE-FROM ?

JUNAH – Frustration BUT on the other hand, he is out hitting balls.

BAGGER – Literally, emerges out of the gloom.

Race: It would be tiring to revisit the Magic Negro debate, whatever inherent merit there may be in it.

But some (actually delightful) subtext should not go unnoticed:

a. A man’s grip –

b. If you want some food –

FITTING CONCEPT – PULL BACK

Bagger is a gadfly, but pulls back short of a harangue.

Junuh is not all about comeback – like Rocky

BREAKTHROUGH POINT

Pullback – see above

[Ataur BACCHUS]

A. Future Sarah Connors living into – Two answers

a. Knowing what we, conditioned audiences, expect from our movies, we want her- and the writers (friendly puppeteers) will surely want her, to “accept her destiny”. If she doesn’t, the story ends!

b. She is not as sure as audience and writers; but the scene has a bit of arc whereby she moves from refusal, to warming to some emotions around her “destiny” , if not explicitly the destiny itself. These emotions are enclosed in the key phrase, “Tell me about my son” . The mother-instinct feels natural, comes out also in the way she tends Kyle’s wound.

There is suspense in watching her move along this arc.

B. Future Kyle Reese living into –

For Kyle Reese there is no ambivalence; he buys into the John Connor legend (?). In addition he has a sweet, innocent, kind, air about him (“traits”?) .

(I have a small voice nagging me – isn’t that a little like the sweet angelic Hare Krishna folks who used to sing, sway and believe their own destiny stories hanging around subways?)

Drama –

External – Running from bad guys

Internal – The shifts in Sarah’s take on her destiny

[Ataur BACCHUS]

TRAITS

WILL

Highly intelligent, of course

BUT ANGRY at the way unearned privilege works in the world. Out of kilter anger ?

Will couldn’t stop at just winning.

(Reminds us of Miranda in the earlier video who needed to drag out Andy’s humiliation, to keep hitting when Andy was already down – this excess is good for capturing eyes and ears of audience, but not for making the character sympathetic).

Will didn’t have to extend the humiliation of the graduate student with the “want to settle outside?” bit. Some audience members may like the guy getting what’s coming.

Future – arc: expect Will to moderate his anger. Will Will ever manage more equal relationships may- with Skylar maybe? As with writer, so with character: beyond validation to breakthrough.

SKYLAR

A sense of fair play

CHUCKIE

is Will’s champion. Gives unconditional loyalty.

Looking into the future – will he be a good enough friend to point out Will’s excess anger, inability to join in relationships not based on relative power?

IN WILL’S EXCHANGE WITH GRADUATE STUDENT

TRIGGER – Grad student’s smugness

ATTACK ON IDENTITY : Two, first graduate student doles it out, then is on the receiving end.

HISTORY – Will never got anything easy, his intelligence notwithstanding

WHAT I LEARNED

New templates. In time I’ll apply it more instinctively, less by rote.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

Hi ,

Answering questions in order –

1. My name is Ataur Bacchus.

2. Scripts –

(Not quite completed) Full length – 2, both of which I’ve kept more or less to myself

Short-short scripts – for contests – 6. Made cut of final 15 once or twice.

Also, Short Stories, up to 2500 words – submitted to contests – maybe 10-20, over the years. Got “encouraging/focused” feedback from contest readers a few times.

3. I hope to get (into my writing) as many angles of approach to characters/settings and what they can do –

4. “Strange” – I’ve worked with interesting characters in a number of settings – up-river construction camps in South America, road construction in rural Canada, in US Federal research offices in Washington, D.C. , liaison with university researchers and State Highway Engineers and Technicians.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

I agree with the Confidentiality terms

[Ataur BACCHUS]

MOVIE SCREENED: THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER – CONVENTIONS

Psychological Thriller?

What I learned: Keeping Conventions in mind as I watched the movie

HERO:

Dr. Ryan is an analyst fueled by both analysis and instinct, and improvises when he needs to.

VILLAIN

The real villain is the lack of clarity in the conflict, and the really high price of getting it wrong – nuclear conflict.

Ramius the Russian Commander, means our hero no personal harm, but we have evidence that he can be unscrupulous if that serves his interest, as when he murders the Russian political attaché assigned to him.

BIG MYSTERY

The true intentions of Ramius – big consequences

BIG INTRIGUE

Ramius’s plan is full of highly intelligent deception –

BIG SUSPENSE

The audience is kept waiting for the big reveal and assurance of outcome. Right at the very end there is the shock and further frustration from the last-minute twist, and high stakes battle.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

Hi all

I am Ataur Bacchus. I have written short stories (from very short flash fiction to 2500 words, with moderate publication success) and a dozen (mostly short) screnplays for contests.

I plan to use the lessons for successive passes/reviews of my skills and writing.

“Unusual”, maybe? – I have had a satisfying engineering career, but my early education had a distinctly classical turn, including Latin and literary criticism – one of my kids has cautioned me against “Dickens imitations”

Wishing everyone the best and looking forward to chugging along with you.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

Name: Ataur Bacchus

Number of Scripts: 4, including shorts for competitions

Hope to get out of class: I have an idea of screenplay & scene creation, but I have a huge need to sharpen my skills

Unusual: I am a retired engineer with a business degree (but no fan of accounting). Work experience in North and South America. Interest in classics and humanities, generally, going back to grammar school.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

I, Ataur Bacchus, agree to the terms of this release form

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S LOGLINE AND ONE-PAGER

DORAN IN THE JUNGLE

LOGLINE:

Aging space-traveller Doran, on a farewell tour of his planetary neighbourhood, and peeved at his super powers misfiring occasionally, must decide whether to stick to his original flight plan or hang around with embattled natives and an uncertain future.

**************************************************************************************

We first see Doran’s craft whizzing southbound from the North Pole. Very tired, he misses a whole continent and its bright lights and is cruising over Earth’s Southern rain forest. After a few hundred miles he decides to make a landing – no big deal for his mega-adaptive craft

Doran looks out the window and sees a crowd of half-naked natives beckoning urgently. He nods and is hurried away, two men carrying his light-weight craft easily.

And not too early. Next minute an armoured vehicle with National Defence markings lumbers through, firing bursts randomly left and right.

The bad guys keep coming again and again. They are in the service of Northern corporations and their bought-and-paid-for local regimes and militaries. The tribesmen didn’t have to wait long between moves from the bad guys.

The next big confrontation occurs when the bad guys bring in big earth movers to block irrigation canals with rocks. But Doran invokes his Telekinesis, and after several comic mis-fires, he gets it right, and sends rocks flying in all directions, including at the heads and feet of the saboteurs.

The saboteurs next try to burn out the tribesmen’s crops, but Doran manages to move the fires from the fields to the saboteurs’ own camp. On top of that he conjures up wild dogs to chase them back to their camp and to watch it turning into ash.

Finally, Doran had been observing how youthful even the older tribesmen were managing to remain. At first, he was led to believe that it was a literal fountain of youth. But as one of the elders explains to him, it was not a magical single big switch in physical constitution, but all the daily unselfishness towards people and nature, that gave someone many more and enriched years.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

DORAN IN THE JUNGLE

LOGLINE:

Aging space-traveller Doran, on a farewell tour of his planetary neighbourhood, and peeved at his super powers misfiring occasionally, must decide whether to stick to his original flight plan or hang around with embattled natives and an uncertain future.

**************************************************************************************

We first see Doran’s craft whizzing southbound from the North Pole. Very tired, he misses a whole continent and its bright lights and is cruising over Earth’s Southern rain forest. After a few hundred miles he decides to make a landing – no big deal for his mega-adaptive craft

Doran looks out the window and sees a crowd of half-naked natives beckoning urgently. He nods and is hurried away, two men carrying his light-weight craft easily.

And not too early. Next minute an armoured vehicle with National Defence markings lumbers through, firing bursts randomly left and right.

The bad guys keep coming again and again. They are in the service of Northern corporations and their bought-and-paid-for local regimes and militaries. The tribesmen didn’t have to wait long between moves from the bad guys.

The next big confrontation occurs when the bad guys bring in big earth movers to block irrigation canals with rocks. But Doran invokes his Telekinesis, and after several comic mis-fires, he gets it right, and sends rocks flying in all directions, including at the heads and feet of the saboteurs.

The saboteurs next try to burn out the tribesmen’s crops, but Doran manages to move the fires from the fields to the saboteurs’ own camp. On top of that he conjures up wild dogs to chase them back to their camp and to watch it turning into ash.

Finally, Doran had been observing how youthful even the older tribesmen were managing to remain. At first, he was led to believe that it was a literal fountain of youth. But as one of the elders explains to him, it was not a magical single big switch in physical constitution, but all the daily unselfishness towards people and nature, that gave someone many more and enriched years.

[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S Big Picture Open Loops

ASSIGNMENT 1

EXAMPLE SHOW – HOUSE OF CARDS STARRING KEVIN SPACEY

OPEN LOOPS IN THE PILOT

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[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S SHOW MYSTERIES

What I learned: Two kinds of mysteries – never thought of mysteries in quite these ways

ASSIGNMENT 1 – SHOW – HOUSE OF CARDS STARRING KEVIN SPACEY

A1) Frank Underwood pushes Zoe Barnes in front of a moving train, killing her instantly. Culmination of his manipulation of her as a journalist and lover, and fear of being exposed by her investigation into his crimes.

Secret – Zoe had evidence of his involvement in Peter Russo’s death and his scheme to become Vice-President. He used his contacts in the security and media to cover up his tracks and frame a homeless man for the murder.

OVER TIME MYSTERY

Frank Underwood has a secret past as a member of a radical group that plotted to assassinate the President. He covered it up by changing his identity and joining the Democratic Party. Over time clues such as odd photos, letters and witnesses emerge, that challenge his public persona and expose his hidden agenda.

ASSIGNMENT 2 – MY SHOW – ZIG ZAG ROAD

Concept =

our protagonist who is south american born, is a canadian engineer with a us firm building a highway in guyana. He realizes along the way that the hidden motivation is to get better access for oil and mineral exploration.

Concept cont’d

Main Characters •

Diego: He is the protagonist of the show, a South American born Canadian engineer who works for a US firm building a highway in Guyana. He is idealistic, curious and adventurous, but also naive and conflicted. His role is to uncover the truth behind the highway project and the hidden motivations of the US firm, the local governments and the mining companies. He also has to deal with the ethical and moral dilemmas of his job and his loyalty to his employer, his country and his heritage. •

Concept cont’d

Lila: She is the female lead of the show, a Guyanese journalist who works for a local newspaper. She is smart, brave and passionate, but also cynical and distrustful. Her role is to expose the corruption and collusion between the US firm, the local governments and the mining companies, and to inform the public about the environmental and social impacts of the highway project. She also has a romantic interest in Diego, but their relationship is complicated by their different perspectives and agendas. •

Concept cont’d

Ricardo: He is the antagonist of the show, a Brazilian businessman who owns a mining company that operates in the Guiana Shield. He is greedy, ruthless and charismatic, but also cunning and manipulative. His role is to exploit the mineral resources of the Guiana Shield, and to sabotage the highway project and the oil and gas exploration that threaten his interests. He also has a personal vendetta against Diego, who he blames for the death of his brother in a mining accident. •

Concept cont’d

Mara: She is a supporting character of the show, a Venezuelan explorer who is obsessed with finding the lost city of Z. She is adventurous, eccentric and mysterious, but also reckless and secretive. Her role is to guide Diego and Lila to the hidden ancient city in the jungle, and to reveal its secrets and dangers. She also has a hidden connection to Ricardo, who she used to work for as a treasure hunter. •

Concept cont’d

Sam: He is a supporting character of the show, an American supervisor who works for the US firm building the highway in Guyana. He is pragmatic, loyal and friendly, but also ignorant and complacent. His role is to oversee the highway project and to report to the US firm. He also acts as a mentor and a friend to Diego, but he is unaware of the ulterior motives of his employer and the consequences of his actions.

SHOCKING EVENT MYSTERY

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[Ataur BACCHUS]

ATAUR’S ASSIGNMENT 1

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT – Getting my AI assistant to help brainstorm emotion using a structured prompt to get things going

EXAMPLE SHOW – HOUSE OF CARDS

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