Benita Cullingford
Forum Replies Created
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Benita. lesson 27 scene improvements.
I confess to not being able to do this assignment. I will look at weak scenes when I’ve finished writing all my scenes.
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Benita lesson 26 I have looked hard at my main characters. Think all is Ok. My task is being made easier because I am adapting a published novel
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Benita lesson 25 I’m still trying to get to grips with my scene structure.
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Benita lesson 24 Missing scenes. It was good to fill up the gaps.
ACT 1….. 3 scenes added showing build up to robbery and police investigation.
ACT 11…. 2 extra scenes showing Tracy’s warming relationship with her mother and Jim.
ACT 111.. 2 extra scenes with Tracy’s sister, and a return visit to the lock-up.
AVT 1V…. Extra scenes were added to show a montage journey to Scotland.
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Benita Lesson 23 key scenes
INT. JIM’S BEDSIT- NIGHT
Tracy and Jim are eating Chinese takeaways.
JIM
You can’t take a bag of jewels
into a police station, hand it
over and say you found it, right?
TRACY
Yes, we all link back to Marty and
would immediately cause suspicion.
And I don’t think Mary wants
anymore about his secret life
being known to all and sundry.
(beat) It’s a puzzle to know what
to do.
Tracy forks some more rice into her mouth.
JIM
Maybe we could post a package to
the police.
TRACY
That wouldn’t guarantee it getting
back to the rightful owner and
that’s what Mary wants.
JIM
Lets think about it.
They eat in silence for awhile.
JIM
Google wasn’t much good – mind
boggling the number of hits from
all over the world for ‘stolen
jewellery or lost jewellery.
TRACY
We can’t give up. Lets finish
eating and have another go.
Jim pushes his plate away and gets up. He wanders around
thinking on his feet.
JIM
Let’s assume Godwin stacked his
stuff recently. He didn’t want to
hold on to it long, wanting to
turn it into cash. As far as we
know he didn’t have a girl friend –
TRACY (INTERRUPTING)
We haven’t tried ‘stolen jewellery
collection.’
JIM
Okay.
Jim collects his laptop and sits on the floor with Tracy.
He opens it up.
A long list appears, mostly high profile people,
celebrities and film stars. They stare at the screen – in
danger of going boss-eyed, until –
TRACY
Go back, go back! Stop. There I
think that might be it.
She holds up her phone near the screen, comparing.
An image of the PENDANT NECKLACE (she’d taken earlier)
shows up very like her photo, on Jim’s screen.
TRACY
I’m pretty sure that’s it. What d’
you think?
JIM
Yeh. Looks right to me.
As Jim clicked on several sites, they both exclaimed out
loud.
TRACY
Small stately home… Armed
robbery!
JIM
Newspaper article, Tracy!
TRACY
Oh, the poor woman. Family
heirlooms!.. That’s awful. She’s
seventy two! Oh, I can’t read it.
FLASHBACK – NIGHT
BEDROOM. RHONA MCDONALD asleep in bed.
A masked man in dark clothes moves towards the bed.
Rhona opens her eyes. The intruder lowers his pistol at
her. She twists rapidly to the far side of the double bed
and gets out, attempting to run.
He grabs her and forces her to the door, menacing with
the pistol.
STAIRS. Rhona is dragged down the stairs.
STUDY. Rhone is forced to open the safe. She is knocked
on the side of the head with the pistol, and left
unconscious.
FASHBACK ENDS
Tracy has a hand to her face.
JIM
It’s Okay. She recovers and phones
the police… oh, there’s a follow
up. The jewels were due to be
auctioned due to financial
difficulties.
They exchange a look.
TRACY
Where is it, exactly?
Jim scrolls some more on his laptop.
JIM
It’s called Buntington Hall.
Blimey! That’s a long way. It’s in
Scotland, somewhere near a place
called Dunoon on the west coast.
Tracy is on her phone.
JIM
What are you doing?
TRACY
Texting Mary. We need a
conference.
INT. MARTY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Tracy, Jim and Mary sit around the dining table. Mary
fusses with a tray of hot drinks.
MARY
I haven’t been to Scotland for so
many years. Maybe a trip is in
order. But first a phone call.
Jim looks horrified.
JIM
You can’t just phone up on your
phone. It has to be done without
anyone knowing, right?
Mary and Tracy both nod in agreement.
JIM
We’ll need to get ourselves a
burner phone.
-
INT. MARTY’S HOUSE – DAY
A large bay-windowed room. Tracy and Jim sit together on
the sofa. Mary sits opposite them in an armchair.
Behind Mary, a dining table shows the remains of an
enjoyable meal. Empty wine glasses and a third full
decanter. Abandoned napkins, a glass jug used for cream.
And three empty desert bowls with spoons in them.
In front of Mary, and Tracy and Jim, is a coffee table
with –
A pile of sparkling jewels.
MARY
You could’ve asked me I knew the
combination. Although I am
grateful to you, Jim.
Tracy and Jim are staring at her.
MARY
Oh, I’ve always known about
Marty’s ‘little expeditions’ as he
called them. Marty was very good
with his hands, but increasingly
bad at remembering things.
Tracy gives Jim a raised eyebrow look. Jim looks equally
taken aback.
Mary bends forward and lifts a turquoise pendant necklace
from the pile.
MARY
I knew nothing about these. Marty
did this one on his own. Poor
lamb.
Mary sighs.
TRACY
I only glanced into the bag for a
moment in the lock-up. Now, seeing
them in this light, well they
‘re… They‘re so beautiful. And
Mary, there’s a large amount of
cash. I only brought the jewels.
Mary shrugged, almost dismissive.
MARY
Leave that where it is for the
moment. It’s the jewellery I want
to discuss.
They all stared at the assortment of jewels for a moment.
Then Mary spread the items across the table, showing off
their full glory.
MARY
I’m no expert, but their quality
seems clear. They ‘re of some
considerable age too, I’d guess,
very special (beat). But they do
present us with a problem.
Tracy laughed.
TRACY
Yes, but a good problem, I think.
Mary takes off her spectacles and lets them hang round
her neck on a black cord. She rubs her eyes and sits up
straight.
MARY
Let me explain. As I said, I knew
when Marty was going out, and
something of the way he worked. He
almost never took anything but
cash and he always stuck to a
Rigid code – he never stole from
anyone unless he felt they
deserved it.
Tracy opened her mouth to interrupt. Mary shushed her.
MARY (CONTINUING)
I know these jewels could only
have come from George Godwin.
Marty developed a strong dislike
of the man, and I think he made an
exception and knew he’s stolen
them from someone who didn’t
deserve to lose them.
Tracy nodded.
TRACY
That sounds just like the Marty I
knew. Though, of course, I didn’t
know the half of it until the last
few days.
MARY
And I bin the safe temporarily
until he discovered where Godwin
had got them from.
Tracy leaned forward.
TRACY
You mean, you think he was-
MARY (INTERRUPTING)
I’m sure he planned to return
them(beat). Now it’s down to us.
That means we have to find out who
the owner is and get them back to
their proper home. Yes?
Tracy and Jim nodded enthusiastically.
Mary beams and puts her glasses on.
Tracy gives her the drawstring bag to hold open. Then Jim
helps her to scoop up the jewels and deposited them
back in the bag.
-
INT. SHOP – DAY
MARTY’S STOCKROOM
Tracy is sitting at Marty’s desk. An untidy pile of paper
faces her. Tracy sighs. She picks up an account book,
stares into space for a while, and then opens the book
Ping from the doorbell as the door opens.
Tracy gets up and hurries into the shop.
Constable Stone, out of uniform, thrusts his warrant card
at her.
TRACY
Yeah, I know who you are. What do
you want? Marty’s gone. You know
that, so there’s nothing you can
pin on him now. Why don’t you
leave us alone?
CONSTABLRE SHORT
Yes, and George Godwin has gone
too. Probably a good thing that.
But the evidence was clear. I
don’t think he went there to kill
George Godwin –
TRACY
Marty couldn’t hurt a fly!
CONSTABLRE SHORT (CONTINUING)
But, I reckon he went there to
steal. Goodness knows what that
man has tucked away. What’s more I
think there’s a good chance
whatever he took from Godwin is
here in this shop.
Tracy frowns.
CONSTABLE SHORT
Whether you know it or not what
say we have a look?
TRACY
You have no right to do that. You
need a search warrant. I thought
you were no more than a low level
guard dog. This isn’t even your
patch. I want you to leave. Get
out!
Constable Stone turned with a sneer on his face. He
reversed the door sign to CLOSED and clicked the door
lock.
Tracy retreated behind the counter.
CONSTABLE STONE
You don’t want to hinder a police
enquiry, now do you?
TRACY
I certainly want to hinder you.
Get out, I’m sure you need a
warrant to search somewhere.
Constable Stone raises the hatch in the counter. Tracy
steps sideways to block him.
Without warning, Constable Stone raises his hand and slaps
Tracy hard across the face.
Tracy gasps and stumbles back putting a hand to her left
cheek.
Stone ignores her and pushes past her into the stock
room.
CONSTABLE SHORT
Maybe you know where he hid his
stuff.
Trace quickly slips her phone out. Fingers moving
rapidly, she texts Jim.
HELP.
STOCK ROOM
Constable Stone is looking around. He sees-
KEYS hanging from hooks behind Marty’s desk. One key has
a label marked LOCK UP.
Tracy has followed him in.
TRACY
This is just you, isn’t it? It’s
nothing to do with the police –
what would that inspector of yours
make of what you’re doing here?
Stone pulls open the desk drawers one by one, each is
stuffed with paper and pieces of the trade: keys,
padlocks etc.
Stone turns towards Tracy, menacingly.
CONSTABLE SHORT
Where’s the safe?
TRACY
There’s no safe here. People tend
not to try and rob locksmiths.
Have you seen the lock on the
door? It’s state of the art.
Stone takes a step towards her.
CONSTABLE SHORT
I don’t believe you. I…
A loud pounding on the shop door. Pounding continues.
Constable Stone and Tracy stand unmoving, staring at each
other.
TRACY
You going on with this in front of
witnesses. Lots of witnesses?
SHOP
Tracy pushes past him and hurries towards the shop door.
Constable Stone follows.
Jim and a group of stallholders stand looking in.
Tracy unlocks the door.
Constable Stone steps outside holding up his warrant
card.
CONSTABLE SHORT
Police business. Nothing to see
here.
Jim enters the shop. Tracy and Jim hug each other. Jim
runs a finger down Tray’s reddened cheek.
JIM
Are you okay? What happened?
Did he hit you?
Tracy turns towards the door.
TRACY
Lets get out of here and I’ll tell
you all about it.
37.
INT. CAFE – DAY
Tracy and Jim sit at a table with mugs of tea and a kit
kat each. Tracy holds a cloth wrapping a number of ice
cubes to her left cheek.
JIM
So, he’s after Marty’s ill-gotten
gains and it’s him doing it and
not any sort of police
investigation. Right? How’s your
face feeling?
Tracy lowers the cloth.
TRACY
Getting better, I think, but it
bloody well stung. What a bastard.
JIM
I’m sure it did and we need to
report him. And take a photo
before it fades.
Tracy raises the ice pack again.
TRACY
No, listen, it would just open up a
whole area of police interest. And
what if there was stuff hidden
somewhere? It’s the last thing
Mary would want, too, worst of all
now she’s grieving.
JIM
Alright, we’ll say nothing. But if
Constable what’s his name comes
back, I’m not having you in any
danger – promise me you’ll think
again. Yes?
Tracy nods.
JIM
How about we go and watch a film
this evening? Forget about bent
cops?
Tracy removes her cloth and smiles.
-
MONTAGE
PIT. Tracy at safe, wanting to work alone. No Luck. Jim
above on his phone doing puzzles.
JIM’s BEDSIT. Tracy is on Jim’s computer googling old safes.
INT. MARTY’S LOCK UP – DAY
Tracy and Jim are done in the pit.
TRACY
Right, let’s have another go.
Jim faces away from her.
TRACY
Jim, come on, time to leave me to
it for a bit. Okay?
JIM
Have you looked at this board?
Jim moves closer to the board they’d swung open as a
door.
Dusty and dirty with oil stains. Faint markings of things
written on it.
JIM
Look, he’s written things like a
reminder to buy milk. Guess he
remembered there’s a big tick. Oh,
I like this one.
Writing on board: LOCKSMITHS ARE KEY WORKERS and KNOWING
HOW TO PICK LOCKS HAS OPENED UP A LOT OD DOORS FOR ME.
TRACY
Yeah, okay enough for a small
smile, I suppose, but it’s not as
interesting as what may be inside
this safe. Come on, I should get
going.
JIM
Not yet. Just a sec. There’s
something else quite low
down(beat). Tell me about
combinations. If you now a
combination how many numbers would
it be?
Tracy flashes him a look.
TRACY
We don’t know the number. That’s
the whole point, Dumbo!
JIM
But if we did, what –
TRACY (INTERRUPTING)
I don’t know. Well I might I
suppose. Yes, I think what was
needed would be six two digit
numbers, but why…Just let me get
on. I think I learnt where to
position the drill last night.
Jim beams at her.
TRACY
What?
JIM
Six numbers. You know I think
Marty may have left us the
combination. I think he wrote it
down many years ago as a reminder,
you Know… have a look here.
Tracy joins him and bends down to read low on the board,
inside a circle –
282
930
___
___
JIM
What are you on about? That’s two
three-digit numbers, not… Well
no help at all. Come on –
JIM
Look at it as a series. The lines
indicate additional numbers to
follow. What are the next two
numbers?
Tracy puffs her cheeks, looking annoyed.
JIM
It’s an old trick, add 313 and
233, see?,,, You’ll kick yourself
when you see what –
Tracy punches him on the arm.
TRACY
You… Oh, for heaven’s sake,
bloody tell me!
JIM
Okay. Read the numbers in sequence
two at a time. We have 28,29,30,
then add on 313 and 233, that’s
31,32,33. That makes six two-digit
numbers… D ’you think that looks
like Marty’s writing?
TRACY
It’s messy enough, I suppose. But
how did you evcn do that?
JIM
I’ve seen it before. At school
maybe. Once remembered never
forgot. Also, I’ve just thought –
Marty’s message, the last bit
about figuring it out. Numbers
figures. Surely worth a try?
Tracy, eyes gleeful, positions herself in front of the
safe. She spins the combination dials to and fro as Jim
reads out the numbers.
A CLICK. The door releases.
Tracy lets her breath out on a huge sigh. She looks at
Jim and holds his gaze, then pulls the door back.
INTERIOR OF SAFE
Shelves stacked with neat piles of bank notes.
CONTINUED: (3)
33.
TRACY
Look, look. Oh, my god, this is
more money than I’ve ever seen in
my whole life.
Tracy turns. She flings her arms around Jim in a tight
hug.
TRACY
You did it, you bloody well did
it!
JIM
No. Marty did. It was a clever
message, he reckoned it would
work, and it did.
Another hug and moment of babbling excitement and they
calmed down. They did a rough count of the notes, some
were in Euros. Then Tracy found.
A VELVET BAG with a drawstring at the top. She weights it
in her hand, and peeped inside.
TRACY
Wow! Jewellery, quite a lot!
Tracy glanced at her watch.
TRACY
It’s getting late. We’re supposed
to be at Mary’s place soon. I’ll
take the bag, but we’ll lock the
money in the safe for the moment.
Tracy turns to Jim with shining eyes.
TRACY
This promises to be an interesting
lunch.
Tracey fastens the safe door with a new padlock from her
tool kit and they move away to the ladder
-
Benita lesson 19 Turning point
EXT. MARTY’S LOCK UP – DAY
Tracy has unlocked the doors. She steps inside the lock-up
up followed by Jim.
JIM
Good of her to remember at all I
guess. What was the message then?
TRACY
It meant nothing to me at first
but as we chatted and I talked
about Marty it came back to
me.’ Look Under my favourite
thing,’ he said. It’s the old car,
it’s got to be. D’ you think he
had something hidden away after
all? It had to be something he
didn’t want ignored or he wouldn’t
have bothered sending a message
like that.
They move further into the lock up.
JIM
Well, you knows, but we maybe
going to find out. But don’t go
falling into that pit. There’s
been enough drama in here to last
us both a lifetime.
Tracy overtakes him and walks between the two vehicles.
TRACY
Lets take a look. Can You grab
that lamp.
LAMP with a bulb set inside a metal cage attached to a
long length of wire is plugged into a socket on back
wall.
Jim switches the lamp on – and climbs down the ladder.
The lamp sends light flashing to and fro.
BOTTOM OF PIT
Jim turns at the bottom and helps Tracy down the ladder.
They look at each other for a moment, then Tracy looks
down. Tracy shivers.
DRIED BLOOD on the concrete floor and the old wheel.
TRACY
We should do something about that,
right?
Jim nods. He swings the lamp up and along, looking at the
underside of the old classic.
The underneath is remarkably clean.
JIM
The message said ‘under the car’
but not on it. Maybe there’s
something down here we’re missing.
Jim swings the lamp around. Then he stamps hard on the
ground.
JIM
This pit is concrete lined. D’ you
think those boards at the ends
move? Lets see.
A wooden board is attached to the wall. Tools hang from
hooks on the board.
Jim takes a large SCREWDRIVER off hook and struggles a
bit, then prises the board away from the (bare) wall.
Tools fall to the floor.
TRACY
Nothing. Try the other end.
Jim pushed the board back in place and Tracy replaced the
tools. They moved to the wooden panel at other end.
Jim easily loosened one corner. He got his fingers
underneath the panel and it swung open like a door.
Tracy and Jim stood back, elated.
TRACY
Well, I can now guess why he sent
the message to me rather than
Mary. She’d never have got into
that!
Set flush with the concrete wall was the door of a safe.
JIM
Will you tell her about this?
CONTINUED: (2)
30.
TRACY
Yes. Yes, I must. But we’ll see
what’s inside first, it may be
nothing. But either way I’ll let
her know. Lets leave this until
Sunday – it might take me longer
than my lunch break.
-
Benita lesson 18 more key scenes.
ACT 111 SCENE 9
EXT. MARTY’S LOCK UP – DAY
Constable short, a canvass bag slung over his shoulder
glances up at –
The faded word, HOLMES stencilled at top of one of the double
doors.
Short places his hefty pair of BOLT CUTTERS on the ground and
takes a KEY and pair of GLOVES from his pocket. He puts
gloves on and inserts key in the padlock.
He glances around, picks up bolt cutters and opens the
door wide enough to enter, and slips inside, pulling to
door to behind him.
INT. MARTY’S LOCK UP – DAY (CONTINUOUS)
Dim, but enough light from frosted glass at top of doors
to see. Facing Constable short – back of a WHITE VAN. The
words HOLMES & SON LOCKSMITHS and a telephone number
printed on the van doors and sides.
Strong pts his bolt cutters in his canvas bag and walks
around the van trying the doors. All locked. He turns to
the CLASSIC CAR beside it. Then glances at the back wall –
Open metal shelving with variety of things to do with
cars, and huge range of tools. Short rummages along the
shelves. Nothing interesting. Then he spots –
a Jumbo-sized metal trunk on the floor. Short opens the trunk
using his bolt cutters.
Disappointing. A glorified cupboard; electric kettle, old
mugs stained with caffeine, cleaning gel, a biscuit tin,
empty.
Short stands up. He puts his hand to his forehead, and thumps
it several times, thinking. Ah!
SHORT
(muttering)
Underneath my favourite thing.
Short turns to the classic car. He takes out his TORCH
and shines it up and down. Then crouches alongside the
car –
Underneath, an old TARPAULIN spread out. On it battered
blue metal TOOLBOX.
Short opens the toolbox. Nothing but nuts and bolts and
tools. He shuts it and shines his torch further under the
car.
Torch light picks up a TROLLEY on wheels.
Short pulls out the trolley, lies on it and propels
himself underneath the car.
The torch-light flicks as he searches.
He emerges again and gets off trolley. As he stands
something triggers. He squats again and feels under the
tarpaulin. He drags the tarpaulin out from under the car.
It exposes –
A long row of floorboards. Short bangs on one of the
boards. A hollow SOUND. He prizes a floor up (with
difficulty, failing to see a finger-hole in the board for
removal). He removes several more.
A length of wood ladder leads down to an inspection pit.
Short shines his torch down into the pit.
A large amount of litter on the floor; crisp packets, old
wheels without rims. Various bits from cars etc.
Short places one foot on the ladder. PAUSES. LOOK UP.
BRIGHT DAY-LIGHT streams through the fully open doors. A
figure is silhouetted in the doorway. Someone shouts:
TRACY
What the bloody hell are you doing
here?
CUT
ACT 111 scene12
INT. MARTY’S LOCK-UP -DAY (CONTINUOUS FROM SCENE 9)
Tracy stands in the lock-up doorway staring at Constable
Short.
A moment of indecision between them.
Tracy glances at the broken lock on the ground, then
towards an IRON SPIKE lying alongside the second open
door. She quickly stoops and grabs the spike and holds it
out in front of her.
Constable Short stepped back off the ladder.
CONSTABLE SHORT
I mean to find his ill-gotten
gains one way or another, and it
will take more than that to stop
me.
He points a finger indicating the spike. Then an idea
strikes him.
CONSTABLE SHORT
We could search together, and
share what we find. Come on –
think what that could mean.
Tracy lowers the spike.
TRACY
You don’t know that there’s
anything to find, here or anywhere
else. I don’t think there is and
I’ve never heard a safe mentioned.
CONSTABLRE SHORT
There must be one, and if you
don’t help I’ll have to –
He breaks off as –
Jim appears behind Tracy.
JIM
What’s going on here?
TRACY
It’s our rogue policeman, you
know, he’s convinced Marty had a
stack of goodies hidden somewhere
in here. He broke in.
JIM
Come on, that’s enough. I’ll phone
the police – you’ve got to put a
stop to this.
Jim gets out his mobile phone out of his jeans. Tracy
puts a hand on his arm.
TRACY
Hang on… I don’t think we want
the police involved again.
It’s…It’s… I don’t know what
to think.
CONSTABLRE SHORT
I suggested a deal. We look
together and share the spoils we
find, you too, I guess. What d’
think? It’s possible there’s a
considerable amount here
somewhere.
Jim puts his phone away and moves into the lock up.
Constable Short walks forward, his voice and manner
threatening.
CONSTABLRE SHORT
Otherwise. I’m sure I can think up
some charge that will get you out
of the way.
Jim steps in front of Tracy, shielding her and shouts
loud and sudden.
JIM
Not another step! Back off!
Short steps back and retreats between the two cars. Jim
follows, keeping a short distance between them. Tracy
moves forward as well.
Short glances over his shoulder and takes another step
back. His eyes on Jim he puts his left foot down –
CONTINUED: (4)
(CONTINUED)
26.
And steps onto the centre of the wheeled trolley. The
trolley moves with sudden speed and shoots off at an
angle.
Stone flies over. His feet leave the ground. He yells in
shock as he falls six feet into the inspection pit.
The sound of his landing THUD is followed by a DOUBLE
THUD like an axe splitting a log.
An audible Gasp from Tracy and Jim. Then silence as –
Tracy and Jim step forward and peer over the edge of the
pit.
Short lies on his back, unmoving. His head has hit a tyreless
car wheel, and blood oozes.
JIM
Do you think he’s dead?
TRACY
I don’t know, but we’ll have to
check. He’s a right bastard but we
have to do something.
Tracy goes to the corner of the pit to descend the
ladder. Jim slips past her.
JIM
No, no… not you. |I’ll go.
Jim climbed down the ladder.
PIT BOTTOM
Jim crouched down beside Short’s body. He felt short’s
wrist, then put his fingers across his neck.
JIM
(calling up)
No pulse that I can feel, but I’ve
never done this before. Do you
have a mirror?
Tracy checked her bag and found a mirror. She crouched
down and leaned over the edge of the pit.
Jim reached up and took the mirror. He held it under
Stone’s nose.
Tracy waited Jim finally climbed out of the pit and
handed back the mirror.
JIM
Now we have to report it – I’m
sure as I can be he’s dead.
Tracy looked about to cry. Jim put his arms around her,
and they stood awhile in a silent embrace. Jim broke apart.
JIM
Right, this is what we’ll do.
We’ll allow ourselves one little
white lie to make it easier, to
help keep you out of it. We were
meeting here, that’s true. I got
here first, saw the broken lock
and came in to check things. Okay?
Trace nods, numbly.
JIM
I saw constable Short. We had
words about what he was doing. He
turned and retreated, then – all
the rest etc. Then you arrived.
TRACY
Okay, I guess that does no harm,
and it’s very close to the truth
and makes further enquiries about
Marty less likely. I have to think
about Mary as well.
Jim nodded and got out his mobile phone.
JIM
(into phone)
Ambulance please, there’s been an
accident… Someone might be dead.
And the police, too.
CUT.
-
Benita lesson 17 act three begins key scene
ACT 111 SCENE 9
EXT. MARTY’S LOCK UP – DAY
Constable Short, a canvass bag slung over his shoulder
glances up at –
The faded word, HOLMES stencilled at top of one of the double
doors.
Short places his hefty pair of BOLT CUTTERS on the ground and
takes a KEY and pair of GLOVES from his pocket. He puts
gloves on and inserts a key in the padlock.
He glances around, picks up bolt cutters and opens the
door wide enough to enter, and slips inside, pulling to
door to behind him.
INT. MARTY’S LOCK UP – DAY (CONTINUOUS)
Dim, but enough light from the frosted glass at top of the doors
to see. Facing Constable Short – back of a WHITE VAN. The
words HOLMES & SON LOCKSMITHS and a telephone number
printed on the van doors and sides.
Strong puts his bolt cutters in his canvas bag and walks
around the van trying the doors. All locked. He turns to
the CLASSIC CAR beside it. Then glances at the back wall –
Open metal shelving with a variety of things to do with
cars, and a huge range of tools. Short rummages along the
shelves. Nothing interesting. Then he spots –
A jumbo-sized metal trunk on the floor. Short opens the trunk
using his bolt cutters.
Disappointing. A glorified cupboard; electric kettle, old
mugs stained with caffeine, cleaning gel, a biscuit tin,
empty.
Short stands up. He puts his hand to his forehead and thumps
it several times, thinking. Ah!
SHORT
(muttering)
Underneath my favourite thing.
Short turns to the classic car. He takes out his TORCH
and shines it up and down. Then crouches alongside the
car –
Underneath, an old TARPAULIN spread out. On it battered
blue metal TOOLBOX.
Short opens the toolbox. Nothing but nuts and bolts and
tools. He shuts it and shines his torch further under the
car.
Torch light picks up a TROLLEY on wheels.
Short pulls out the trolley, lies on it and propels
himself underneath the car.
The torch-light flicks as he searches.
He emerges again and gets off trolley. As he stands
something triggers. He squats again and feels under the
tarpaulin. He drags the tarpaulin out from under the car.
It exposes –
A long row of floorboards. Short bangs on one of the
boards. A hollow SOUND. He prizes a floor up (with
difficulty, failing to see a finger-hole in the board for
removal). He removes several more.
A length of wood ladder leads down to an inspection pit.
Short shines his torch down into the pit.
A large amount of litter on the floor; crisp packets, old
wheels without rims. Various bits from cars etc.
Short places one foot on the ladder. PAUSES. LOOK UP.
BRIGHT DAY-LIGHT streams through the fully open doors. A
figure is silhouetted in the doorway. Someone shouts:
TRACY
What the bloody hell are you doing
here?
-
Benita more scenes from Act 11
Scene 4
EXT AVENUE – DAY
Sergeant James walks up the path of no 16 and knocks on the door. The door opens to an elderly lady holding a cat.
SERGEANT JAMES
Good morning, madam, sorry to disturb you. There was an incident last night at the big house up the avenue, and I wondered if you’d heard anything untoward at all.
MRS GARDENER
Now that you mention it, I might have. I was up in the night with Bella here. She needs medication four hourly. It’s very inconvenient and I’d set the alarm so I know I was up at 2 a.m. I couldn’t get back to sleep and a little after that I did hear a sound from outside, short and sharp. I paid no great attention to it. So not much help, I’m afraid.
SERGEANT JAMES
That’s quite alright Madam. Good of you to spare us a moment, thank you.
He turned and started back down the path.
MRS GARDENER
(calling out)
Perhaps you should ask Michael, he’s always about at that time.
Sergeant James goes back to her.
SERGEANT JAMES
And who is this Michael?
MRS GARDENER
He delivers the milk around here, bottled milk is making a comeback, you know, very ecological.
SERGEANT JAMES
Do you know the name of his company?
Sergeant James makes a few notes in his notebook while Mrs gardener disappears inside. She returns and hands him her latest bill.
SERGEANT JAMES
Most oblidged, um –
MRS GARDENER
I’m Mrs Gardener. And any further help I can –
SERGEANT JAMES (INTERRUPTING)
We’ll be in touch. Thank you. Good day, madam.
Sergeant James returns to the avenue and takes out his phone.
SERGEANT JAMES
Gov. Come up with info… Yes. Local milkman may be worth a visit. Got the depot phone number here… Right, I’ll do that. And a Mrs gardener No 16 heard a gunshot around 2 a.m… Yes, I’ll report back later.
EXT. STREET – DAY
SERGEANT James stands on the doorstep talking to the milkman,
MICHAEL, who has answered the doorbell in his dressing
gown.
MICHAEL
(rubbing his eyes)
How can I help?
SERGEANT JAMES
We’re investigating an incident
that occurred in the small hours
of last night. Were you anywhere
near Elm Avenue, say, well,
between one and three o’clock?
MICHAEL
Yes, I guess so, it’s on my round.
SERGEANT JAMES
Well, did you see anyone around at
all? It’s a quiet neighbourhood,
so anyone moving around would
surely have stood out.
MICHAEL
I don’t think so. The kind of
people that live there tend to
keep regular hours. I usually see
more cate than people, and foxes.
But let me think… I saw s few
cars – but, hang on, one thing I
remember no. I spoke to someone,
just to say good morning. I passed
him opening the boot of his car by
the kerb. Think I made him jump.
Sergeant James opens his notebook.
SERGEANT JAMES
Remember what he looked like?
MICHAEL
Didn’t see his face. But I
remember the car. It was old,
unusual. A Jowell, I think. Rather
before my time. I would need to
see a picture to be sure.
Sergeant James has already got up google on his phone. He
shows a picture to Michael.
CONTINUED:
22.
MICHAEL
Yes, could be. Didn’t see the reg
number. I was just passing in my
float.
MICHAEL
You’ve been very helpful. We may
be in touch. Thank you, sir.
Michael’s front door closes.
-
Benita lesson 15 Mid point scene. I needed several scenes to show this
INT. POLICE INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY (scene 14)
Marty sits opposite D.I. Green and sergeant James at a
bare table.
MARTY
As I’ve just told you. I took it
for a run to avoid getting snarled
up in daytime traffic. And it’s
been recently taxed and insured.
Silence.
MARTY
What’s this all about?
D.I. GREEN
Do you know a George Godwin?
MARTY
If you mean the George Godwin who
is known as something of a
villain, then no. I don’t know
him. I am only vaguely aware of
his name from the newspapers.
D.I Green turns and smiles knowingly at Sergeant James.
D.I. GREEN
(to Marty)
Strange thing is he was shot and
killed in his home on the very
night that you drove to Chigwell.
In fact you parked pretty much
round the corner from his place.
MARTY
You can’t think that I had
anything to do with a shooting?
That’s just not –
D.I. GREEN (INTERRUPTING)
No. We don’t think you were there.
We know you were. In fact, we are
absolutely sure of it.
Marty squeezes his hands together in his lap.
MARTY
That’s ridiculous. I don’t know
the guy and I have never touched a
gun in my life!.. And why would I
want to kill him?
D.I. GREEN
We know you were there, and Godwin
is dead. What was it, a falling
out among thieves, perhaps?
Marty sits back. He puffs out his cheeks and throws up
his hands, scornful.
Sergeant James takes over.
SERGEANT JAMES
You describe your car as a
classic, right?
MARTY
Yes.
SERGEANT JAMES
Do you know how many of those cars
are still around and registered?
MARTY
Very few.
SERGEANT JAMES
And the number of them registered
to addresses in the London area is
vanishingly small.
MARTY
So?
SERGEANT JAMES
So, I must say that it’s beyond a
coincidence that such a car is
parked near a break in and
shooting and is owned by, guess
who… a locksmith.
Marty fidgets uncomfortably, and avoids looking at him.
D. I Green leant forward.
D.I. GREEN
Not only were we sure you were at
Chigwell, we are sure you were at
the house. Not that you left a
trail of broken locks and
anything, you are clearly skilled
at your trade, or whatever you
call it. Show him, sergeant James
Sergeant James reached in his pocket and produced a small
clear plastic evidence bag. He spoke harshly.
SERGEANT JAMES
Do you know what this is?
Marty squints at it through his glasses. He shakes his
head.
D.I. GREEN
As you know George Godwin was shot
dead in the hall of his house,
lying on a nice clean polished
marble floor. Do you know what was
found alongside the body?
A long silence hung in the air.
D.I. GREEN
You probably don’t know you made a
mistake. It appears you struggled
with him and –
MARTY
No, I didn’t, I –
D.I. GREEN
It was a scuff mark, a smudge on
the marble from the sole of a shoe
that contained some specs of dust.
Not just any old dust. It’s the
metallic dust of the sort that
comes from cutting keys.
(he smiles)
I reckon you should sweep you
floors a bit more if you are going
to go out killing people.
D. I green turns to Sergeant James.
D.I. GREEN
I very much think we’ve got our
killer,. Eh, Sergeant?
Marty puts a hand to his forehead and leans over the
table.
MARTY
I, I … Can I have a drink of
water?
D. I Green nods at the sergeant. He gets up and leaves
the room.
A few minutes pass. Then –
MARTY
You’ve got it all wrong. I think I
want a solicitor. Can I phone my
wife and …
In slow motion, Marty slides off the chair to the floor and
lies there motionless.
(other scenes)
Scene 23
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – DAY
Constable Short stands on duty outside Marty’s room.
Nurse BETH pushes out of Marty’s door with a breakfast
tray of untouched food.
Constable short nods at the tray, questioning.
BETH
No appetite.
CONSTABLRE SHORT
He’s not worse, is he? Boss is
keen to question him.
Beth doesn’t reply. She moves away down the corridor.
Constable Short watches her. She is intercepted by D.I
Green who is approaching her. They exchange words. He
shrugs and walks towards Constable short, scowling.
D.I. GREEN
Any updates? We’ve heard nothing
from you, constable.
CONSTABLRE SHORT
Not my fault –
D.I. GREEN (INTERRUPTING)
It’d better not be!
D.I. Green pushes open Marty’s door and enters. Constable
short watches through glass window in door.
D.I. Green approaches Marty’s bed. Marty’s arm reaches
out of the bed for the bell on his side table. He grabs
it and rings
Beth comes running down the corridor. She reaches Marty’s
door as D. I. Green comes out.
BETH
I must ask you to leave my patient
alone, Inspector. He could have
another attack at any time.
Marty’s door shuts behind her.
D.I. GREEN
(to the constable))
That’s my promotion stumped if he
does.
(eyeball to eyeball)
Don’t even think about yours,
constable!
Scene 24
INT. MARTY’S ROOM – DAY (CONTINUOUS)
Beth hovers over Marty, checking him.
BETH
How are you feeling?
MARTY
(subdued)
Oh, you know, I just want to get
out of here.
(glances beyond her
at the constable
outside)
And as far away from him as
possible.
BETH
Lets see what the doctor says.
It’s early yet, but I think
there’s a good chance you’ll soon
be going home. Anything I can get
you?
MARTY
No thanks, you’re very kind.
(beat)Actually yes. If anything
happens to me can you do me a bit
of a favour and pass on a message
to Tracy? You know, the young woman who came
in with my wife soon after I got
here. She works with me.
Beth moves to adjust his pillows.
BETH
No need to talk like that, but,
yes, of course I can. But you’ve a
phone in your locker. We can
charge it up if necessary, and you
can call her.
MARTY
Thanks, but it’s only if something
happens to me, you know. This May
sound odd, but just tell her to
look under my favourite thing.
She’ll figure it out. Tell me
that, too, the figuring it out
bit.
Beth smiles. She takes a sheet of paper from his tray
table and makes a note, which she folded and put in her
pocket. She then left the room.
Marty relaxes and his eyes close.
Scene 25
INT. SHOP – DAY OUTLINE
BEG: A client wants an unusual key duplicated.
MID: Tracy finds it in a catalogue and says she’ll
contact him when she receives it.
END: Tracy agree to go with Jim to the pub.
Scene 26
INT. MARTY’S ROOM – DAY
Beth comes into Marty’s room. She moves quickly to the
bed.
Marty’s face is ashen.
Beth checks further, then quickly presses the red
emergence button above his bed.
She rushes to the door and opens it.
BETH
(to constable Short)
I need help in here. Now!
Constable short by-passes her and moves to Marty’s
bedside.
CONSTABLE SHORT
What goes on?
BETH
Out of here now, you. I think he’s
had another stroke.
Constable Short retreats.
Minutes later, there a flurry of activity in the room as
a doctor and another nurse join Beth at Marty’s bedside.
DOCTOR
It’s another stroke, I’m afraid,
and a little while ago by the
looks of it. There’s nothing more
we can do now. Sadly, he’s gone.
BETH
Are you sure? Silly question, but
the last time I saw him, he seem
okay.
DOCTOR
Strokes are inclined to be
unpredictable. If it’s any comfort
I don’t think he wold have known
anything about it.
Beth turns away, a tear in her eye.
DOCTOR
Thank you everyone. You know what
you have to do next… Time of
death…
They all leave the room.
The door opens and constable Short comes in. He glances
at Marty’s body and gets out his phone. His sees –
An envelope with a name on it, on Marty’s overbed tray.
He picks it up and stuffs it in his pocket.
CUT.
-
Scene 13
INT. SHOP – DAY
Tracy comes out of the stockroom with a mug of coffee.
She takes up a position behind the counter as the
Doorbell rings. D. I GREEN and Sergeant JAMES enter the
shop. They hold up their warrant cards, then snap them
shut.
D.I. GREEN
Police. Is Mr. Holmes here?
TRACY
No. Not yet.
D.I. GREEN
When do you expect him?
TRACY
Wait a minute who exactly are you?
What do you want? And how do I
know you are police?
Green hold out his warrant card.
D.I. GREEN
I’m Detective Inspector green, and
this is Sergeant James.
TRACY
I’ve never seen one of those
before. You could’ve bought it in
the market for all I know.
D.I. GREEN
I think you know very well it’s
real. Come now tell me your name.
TRACY
It’s Tracy. Tracy Hines
D.I. GREEN
And you work here. Yes?
TRACY
Yes. I do. Have done for nearly a
year now. I’m doing a sort of
apprenticeship. I could cut a key
for you if you like.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
7.
Green gives her a hard stare and glances at Sergeant
James.
D.I. GREEN
That won’t be necessary, but a bit
of co-operation will be. Tell me
does your boss own an old car, a
Jowell Javelin?
Tracy relaxes. She takes a sip of coffee.
TRACY
He does, yes, it’s his hobby. He
does up old classics. Why?
Tracy’s eyes dart to the door. Marty stands outside.
The doorbell rings as he enters the shop. He looks ill-atease.
D.I. GREEN
Marty Holmes?
Marty nods. He removes his glasses and wipes them with a
handkerchief, as the two policemen product their warrant
cards.
D.I. GREEN
D.I. Green and sergeant James.
Tracy here tells me you own a
Jowell Javelin is that right?
MARTY
Yes, I renovate old cars. The
Jowell is the latest. What’s this
about?
Tracy interrupts.
TRACY
I asked that. They wouldn’t tell
me.
Green gives her a stern look. Tracy gives him a defiant
glare.
D.I. GREEN
(To Marty)
And you were driving that car in
the early hours of yesterday?
Marty rubs his eyes and puts his glasses back on.
CONTINUED: (2)
(CONTINUED)
8.
D.I. GREEN
Well, were you?
MARTY
Sorry, yes, I was. I wanted to
give the car a test run at a time
when I wouldn’t get embroiled in
traffic. That’s not a crime and
I’m pretty sure I didn’t break the
speed limit.
D.I. GREEN
Perhaps not, but it’s what you got
up to when you parked up in
Chigwell that I’m interested in. I
think you’d better come with us.
We need a word and that needs to
be done at the station.
The colour left Marty’s face. He rested his hand on the
counter for support. Then he drew himself upright and
looked at Tracy.
MARTY
Looks like you’ll have to manage
the shop for a while Tracy, look
after things for me … and ring
Mary and tell her what goes on
will you?
Tracy nodded, upset.
D.I. GREEN
(To Marty)
Where’s the car kept?
MARTY
In the lock up round the corner.
Marty was escorted out. The shop door closed behind them.
Tracy ran to the door and watched them walk away through
the market, Sergeant James’s hand on Marty’s arm.
Stallholders looked up as they passed, curious.
CONTINUED: (3)
(CONTINUED)
9.
Tracy takes out her phone and gets up Mary’s number.
TRACY
(Sobbing)
Mary… Oh, Mary, Marty’s been
arrested… The police have taken
him.
CUT TO:
EXT. LOCK UP – DAY (scene 13a)
D.I. Green and Sergeant James stand outside the lock up
with Marty.
D.I. GREEN
Open up.
Marty unlocks the double doors and pulls them wide open.
INSIDE LOCK UP
The shop van and the Jowell are parked side by side.
Sergeant James checks the Jowell registration number
against a number in his notebook.
SERGEANT JAMES
That looks like it.
(To Marty)
Right you. We need to get you to
the Loughton police station for a
serious talk.
MARTY
Loughton? That’s miles away.
SERGEANT JAMES
It’s our base. If you want to make
a journey, you should stick to
committing crimes on your own
patch.
MARTY
But it don’t. I don’t know what
you mean… I…
FADE
INT. POLICE INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY (scene 14)
Marty sits opposite D.I. Green and sergeant James at a
bare table.
MARTY
As I’ve just told you. I took it
for a run to avoid getting snarled
up in day time traffic. And it’s
been recently taxed and insured.
Silence.
MARTY
What’s this all about?
D.I. GREEN
Do you know a George Godwin?
MARTY
If you mean the George Godwin who
is known as something of a
villain, then no. I don’t know
him. I am only vaguely aware of
his name from the newspapers.
D.I Green turns and smiles knowingly at Sergeant James.
D.I. GREEN
(to Marty)
Strange thing is he was shot and
killed in his home on the very
night that you drove to Chingwell.
In fact you parked pretty much
round the corner from his place.
MARTY
You can’t think that I had
anything to do with a shooting?
That’s just not –
D.I. GREEN (INTERRUPTING)
No. We don’t think you were there.
We know you were. In fact, we are
absolutely sure of it.
Marty squeezes his hands together in his lap.
MARTY
That’s ridiculous. I don’t know
the guy and I have never touched a
gun in my life!.. And why would I
want to kill him?
D.I. GREEN
We know you were there, and Godwin
is dead. What was it, a falling
out among thieves, perhaps?
Marty sits back. He puffs out his cheeks and throws up
his hands, scornful.
Sergeant James takes over.
SERGEANT JAMES
You describe your car as a
classic, right?
MARTY
Yes.
SERGEANT JAMES
Do you know how many of those cars
are still around and registered?
MARTY
Very few.
SERGEANT JAMES
And the number of them registered
to addresses in the London area is
vanishingly small.
MARTY
So?
SERGEANT JAMES
So, I must say that it’s beyond a
coincidence that such a car is
parked near a break in and
shooting and is owned by, guess
who… a locksmith.
Marty fidgets uncomfortably, and avoids looking at him.
D. I Green leant forward.
D.I. GREEN
Not only were we sure you were at
Chingwell, we are sure you were at
the house. Not that you left a
trail of broken locks and
anything, you are clearly skilled
at your trade, or whatever you
call it. Show him, sergeant James.
CONTINUED: (6)
(CONTINUED)
12.
Sergeant James reached in his pocket and produced a small
clear plastic evidence bag. He spoke harshly.
SERGEANT JAMES
Do you know what this is?
Marty squints at it through his glasses. He shakes his
head.
D.I. GREEN
As you know George Godwin was shot
dead in the hall of his house,
lying on a nice clean polished
marble floor. Do you know what was
found alongside the body?
A long silence hung in the air.
D.I. GREEN
You probably don’t know you made a
mistake. It appears you struggled
with him and –
MARTY
No, I didn’t, I –
D.I. GREEN
It was a scuff mark, a smudge on
the marble from the sole of a shoe
that contained some specs of dust.
Not just any old dust. It’s the
metallic dust of the sort that
comes from cutting keys.
(he smiles)
I reckon you should sweep you
floors a bit more if you are going
to go out killing people.
D. I green turns to Sergeant James.
D.I. GREEN
I very much think we’ve got our
killer,. Eh, Sergeant?
Marty puts a hand to his forehead and leans over th
table.
MARTY
I, I … Can I have a drink of
water?
D. I Green nods at the sergeant. He gets up and leaves
the room.
CONTINUED: (7)
13.
A few minutes pass. Then –
MARTY
You’ve got it all wrong. I think I
want a solicitor. Can I phone my
wife and …
In slow motion, Marty slid off the chair to the floor and lay there motionless.
-
Benita Lesson 13. Act 2 begins
Reaction to T.P. scenes.
EXT. AVENUE – NIGHT
Marty opens the boot of his old Jowett and puts his (now heavier) holdall inside. He is about to close the boot, when –
MILKMAN
Morning.
The milk-float travels on past. Marty pushes his face lower in the boot and doesn’t acknowledge the cheery greeting.
Marty shuts the boot, unlocks the car and gets into the driver’s seat.
INT. MARTY’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
The door of the washing machine is fully open.
Marty stands in his underpants at the table. He squirts stain remover over traces of blood on his clothes and bundles them in the washing machine. He adds a soap tablet and glances up at the ceiling. No sound above from Mary. Marty quietly clicks the door shut, and switches the machine on.
Marty collapses onto a kitchen stool and sinks his head in his hands.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
The luminous clock on Marty’s bedside table shows 3.15 a.m. Beside it is Marty’s glasses.
Marty, in his pyjamas, climbs cautiously into bed beside Mary. He lies on his back staring upwards with compressed lips.
Mary is facing away from Marty. Her eyes open, then shut again, and a slight smile hovers on her lips.
INT. UTILITY ROOM – DAY
Portuguese cleaning woman. LOURDES (56) part-fills a bucket in the large sink and lifts it out. She collects a mop and leaves the room.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Godwin is still lying dead on the floor. Congealed blood has spread across the floor.
Lourdes comes into the hall with her bucket and mop. She stops. She gasps out loud, retreats several paces and sits on the stairs. She lets go of the bucket and it topples over spilling water on the floor.
She sees the gun in Godwin’s hand. Her face ashen she hugs her stomach and rocks backwards and forwards. Recovering, she gets up. Her movements slow and deliberate, she walks into the study.
INT. STUDY – DAY
Lourdes opens the drinks cabinet and pours herself a glass of Brandy. She downs it in one smooth gulp. She then moves to a side table, picks up the handset and dials 999 on the landline phone.
LOURDES
What service, you say? … Which ever one right for someone shot dead.
-
Benita. lesson 12. scenes from Act 1. I did this in Final draft but it hasn’t copied correctly.
ACT 1 SCENE 1
INT. SITTING ROOM – DAY
TRACY (20 ) stands with folded arms and a resigned look on her face watching her mother, DIEDRE (42).
Diedre is applying lipstick and holding a small folding mirror. She snaps the mirror shut and stuffs it into a smart shoulder bag. She is smartly dressed to go out. She glances at Tracy.
DIEDRE
Seen enough?
TRACY
Do you have to? You were out last night.
Diedre gives her a hard stare.
DIEDRE
Do something about your hair, Tracy. You look a mess. No wonder you’ve got the sack again.
TRACY
Excuse me – I left!
DIEDRE
I’m not putting up with this much longer, Tracy. You need to start paying your way. And be nice to Roddy. He’ll be here in a minute.
TRACY
What happened to Pete?
DIEDRE
He didn’t renew his subscription.
She moves close, confiding.
DIEDRE
Roddy’s got a jag. And we’re off to Richmond.
Tracy smirks.
DIEDRE
At least I’ll get a decent meal out of him!
Tracy smirks again.
Diedre rounds on her, angry.
DIEDRE
He’s not a waste of space like you, my girl!
They glare at each other.
The doorbell rings.
Diedre hurries out of the room. Tracy follows her.
INT. NARROW HALLWAY – DAY
Diedre opens the front door, beaming. RODERICK HOOK (29) enters. He kisses Diedre on the cheek, looking beyond her at Tracy. Tracy pulls a face.
Diedre bundles him out again. She turns and blows Tracy a mock kiss.
DIEDRE
Bye, darling.
The door closes behind them.
Trace stares hard at the closed door. She sighs. Straightens up and gives herself a shake. She reaches for a very short summer jacket and slips it on over her orange tee shirt. Her jeans are ripped and she wears short brown boots. She opens the front door and leaves the flat.
Act 1 as Tracy walks through the market.
FLASHBACK.
STORE. Tracy is breaking up cardboard boxes used for displays of produce etc. She throws a wedge of cardboard into a bin someway down the aisle and misses. Tracy giggles. Her supervisor appears. She points at the door. Tracy shrugs, removes her tabard, throws it down and walks out.
HAIRDRESSERS. Tracy is sweeping hair off the floor. She Stops and helps a customer unwind a curler from her hair. It gets entangled. The hairstylist tells Tracy off. Tracy storms out.
CAR PARK. Tracy, in the ticket booth. She puts her hands over CAR PARK. Tracy, in ticket booth. She puts her hands over her ears at obscenities from enraged man outside booth.
Later scene going for a coffee with Marty.
INT, CAFÉ – DAY
The popular market café is crowded. Marty sitting opposite Tracy has to lean forward to hear her. They talk as they drink their coffee.
MARTY
So, Tracy, tell me about yourself.
Tracy shrugs.
TRACY
Won’t take long.
Marty looks at his watch. He surreptitiously glances around at two men sitting a few tables behind them. He turns back and sips his coffee and looks at Tracy, waiting.
Tracy takes a deep breath.
TRACEY
I live with my Mum in a rubbish flat in Islington. Dad left when I was eleven. He was a carpenter, and he went off with an American client to the States.(beat) Okay I’ll be honest with you. I’ve few qualifications, and just finished a trial period with the worst supermarket job in the world. But I need a job and have to find something interesting or I’ll die of boredom.
MARTY
What I do is quite technical in a way, you know it’s –
TRACY
Yes, yes, but it sounds interesting and I want to learn. I didn’t do well at school but I’m not stupid. Actually, I think I’m quite bright. I’ll smarten up a bit. And I like making things. I’m good with my fingers.
Marty sits back and takes a long slow sip of his coffee, contemplating.
MARTY
I guess that means you are manually dexterous. I have to say I imagined that anyone I took on would be a little older – and have a technical qualification of some sort.
Marty’s phone rings.
MARTY
Sorry, must take this… What’s that, love?..Yes, I know. Yes. I’m in the café now. I’m actually interviewing a possible apprentice…Later, yes. Bye.
Marty puts the phone down. He smiles at Tracy who looks anxious.
MARTY
My wife, Mary.(beat) You know what, Tracy, I think we might make it work. I like that you’ve been honest and seem ready for a challenge. I’m not getting any younger and want someone to learn the trade and help with everything.
Trace clasps her hands in front of her face and grins.
MARTY
Start on Monday and I’ll give you a week’s money at the end of the first week before going on a monthly basis. Write down your name and address and phone number and I’ll give you a formal confirmation when you come in on Monday. Sharp mind. On the dot. That’s rule one.
He smiles.
TRACY
Okay. Thanks for giving me a chance Mr…Marty. Monday, 9 o’clock.
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Benita. Lesson 11. TURNING POINT. I found that I needed a few extra scenes.
ACT 1 Scenes leading up to T.P.
INT. PUB – DAY
After work, Marty overhears two men talking about GEORGE GODWIN, a wealthy villain who has gone away on holiday. Marty takes note that his mansion will be empty.
INT. MARTY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Marty tells Mary he is going out on a ‘little expedition.’ Mary says she needs the car. Marty will have to use his vintage car.
EXT. LOCK-UP – NIGHT
Marty tests his vintage car, then drives out of the lock-up into the street.
INT/EXT. AVENUE – NIGHT
Marty drives slowly past George Godwin’s mansion, looking to see if the drive is empty. He parks his car some distance further down the avenue. Marty gets out of his car. He is dressed in dark clothes. A holdall is slung across his back. He glances around. No-one about. He walks towards George’s house.
EXT. FRONT OF MANSION – NIGHT
Marty walks cautiously down the short drive. He keeps close to the laurel bushes and moves around to the back of the house.
TURNING POINT SCENE.
INT. STUDY – NIGHT
A torchlight shines across the carpeted floor. Marty, jacket hood up, walks slowly, placing one foot in front of the other, his shoes are enclosed in plastic bags. His holdall is on his back. Marty swings his torch. The light picks up –
Glass-topped desk with a large computer and a mass of computer kit. A bookcase with one book.
Marty moves closer and shines the torch on wall. He scrutinises a picture of the Algarve. The picture is fastened to the wall and hinged. Marty swings the picture. It reveals the black mass door of a safe.
Marty holds his breath, listening. The muffled sound of a dog barks in the distance. Marty swings his holdall to the floor. He adjusts his glasses and gets to work opening the safe.
LATER
Marty locks the safe and replaces the picture. He slings the holdall on his back and retraces his steps to the door.
INT. Hall – night
Marty walks briskly towards the front door. Stairs curve upwards to his right. He reaches out to open the door, when –
The door flies open.
The tall figure of George Godwin fills the doorway. He is outlined against light flooding in from an overhead lamp outside. George’s shoulder bag slips off and falls to the floor.
Marty freezes in shock.
George reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a gun.
Marty’s hand grips his torch. He starts shaking, rooted to the spot.
George points the gun, menacingly.
GEORGE Move.
Marty takes a step forward in panic. Both men move forward at the same time. Marty loses his footing and slips sideways. The bodies of both men entwine.
The gun is sandwiched between them.
BANG!
George falls away and slumps to the floor.
Marty steps back. Blood oozes down the front of his hooded jacket. He stares down at the floor.
George is lying still, one arm stretched out. The gun is in a loose hold in his fingers.
A profound silence.
Marty’s chest heaves as his breathing returns.
The sound of a sharp CLICK.
Marty jerks upright, eyes staring in terror.
The hall dims. The overhead lamp outside has switched off.
Marty shines his torch down on George’s crumpled body. There is no movement.
Marty goes to the open door and peers out. The light comes on again., It shows George’s wheeled suitcase. Marty lifts the suitcase into the hall and closes the door.
The light switches off again.
Marty shines his torch onto George’s body. He squats down and feels for a pulse at George’s neck. He nudges George’s shoulder. No sign of life.
Marty stands. He glances at the front door and shakes his head. He turns and heads towards the kitchen.
INT. UTILITY ROOM – NIGHT.
Marty unlocks the back door and slips outside.
EXT. BACK GARDEN – NIGHT
Marty makes his way to a side gate. He opens the gate and closes it behind him. Outside, Marty pulls off his gloves, removes his plastic shoe coverings and stuffs them in his pockets. CUT.
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Benita. Lesson 10 …….. INCITING INCIDENT. This made me add an important scene – a reaction. And I love the idea of an arc for each scene.
INCITING INCIDENT, Tracy sees a notice for an apprentice in Locksmith’s window.
INT. SHOP – DAY
BEGINNING: Tracy enters the shop. She stands watching MARTY grinding a key for a customer. Another customer waits in the queue.
MIDDLE: The customers depart. Tracy tells Marty she thinks she’s interested in the apprenticeship vacancy. He scrutinises her and doesn’t look impressed. She apologises for her appearance. It’s midmorning. Marty takes a risk and asks Trace if she fancies a cuppa at the café and a chat.
END: Tracy agrees. Tracy and Marty leave the shop.
EXT. MARKET – DAY
BEGINNING: Tracy walks through the bustling market with Marty.
MIDDLE: Tracy notices how popular Marty is, as stallholders greet him along the way. She is watched by vegetable stall assistant JIM. Jim stands behind his stall twisting a rubric cube. He drops the cube, grabs an orange and holds it out to Tracy as she passes. Tracy ignores him.
END. Marty and Tracy reach the market café and enter.
INT. CAFÉ – DAY
BEGINNING: While drinking coffee, Tracy tells Marty a little about herself.
MIDDLE: Marty explains that he doesn’t just want someone to serve behind the counter, he wants someone to learn the trade and help him. And that much of their work will be outside away from the shop with customers.
END: Tracy says that she’s willing to give it a go. They arrange that she will start on trial, on Monday.
TRACY’S REACTION SCENE
EXT. MARKET – DAY
Tracy walks through the market, her head held high and with a lighter step. She smiles at Jim and gives him a half-wave.
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Benita. Lesson 9. Opening and character introductions. It was good to make a start on scenes.
ACT 1 ……. TRACY
INT. FLAT SITTING ROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: TRACY’s mother, Diedre is fixing her hair to go out. She is cross with Tracy, who looks scruffy and has been sacked again from her latest job.
MIDDLE: Tracy retaliates. They have a short row. This scenario is nothing new.
END: Diedre leaves still bristling. Her daughter has ruined the start of her evening, again! Tracy grimaces at herself in the mirror and leaves flat, slamming the door.
ACT 11…… CONSTABLE STRONG
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR -DAY
BEGINNING: CONSTABLE STRONG follows D. I. GREEN and SERGEANT JAMES up the corridor. They are led by nurse, SARAH who stops at the door of a private room. She opens the door and enters the room with D.I. Green.
MIDDLE: Sergeant James turns to Constable Strong and informs him that he has failed his sergeant’s exam. His duty now is to stand outside and guard the door. Sergeant James enters the room and the door closes.
END: Constable Strong grinds his teeth in annoyance. He removes his phone and gets up a gambling website. He gasps when he sees a notification that he has overrun his credit.
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Benita. lesson 8 Theme an antagonist journey. My theme is already sorted. I have now added:
Antagonist, Constable Strong –
ACT 1. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – DAY
… D.I. JAMES informs Constable Strong that he has failed his Sergeant’s exam.
ACT 1 EXT. MARKET – DAY
Two ‘heavies’ approach Constable Strong. He tries to evade them. They pull him into an alley and threaten him.
I have also added. Jim –
ACT 1. EXT. MARKET – DAY
Behind his stall, Jim is playing with a rubric cube. LATER same location. The rubric cube completed is on a chair behind the stall.
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Benita Lesson 7 – BEATS. I found working out the scenes really useful. Not sure if I was that speedy!
ACT 1
INT. FLAT HALL-WAY – DAY
Opening: TRACY’s mother, fixing her hair to go out, berates a scruffy Tracy (22) about not earning money to help with household expenses. She leaves. Tracy leaves soon after.
EXT. MARKET – DAY
Tracy walks through the market, disgruntled.
PLACE HOLDER FLASHBACK: Three scenes with Tracy at various boring jobs, where she either leaves or is sacked.
EXT. MARKET – DAY
Vegetable stall holder assistant, JIM (24) oodles Tracy as she passes. She does not notice him. Tracy passes a row of small shops. Halts at locksmith’s shop. In the window: APPRENTICE WANTED. A long pause, and then Tracy enters the shop INCITING INCIDENT.
INT. SHOP – DAY
MARTY (65) greets Tracy. They talk about the vacancy and Marty suggests going for a coffee.
EXT. MARKET – DAY
Popular Marty is greeted by stallholders, and Jim watches Tracy as they go by.
INT. CAFÉ – DAY
Marty explains the job requirements. Tracy signs a contract.
INT. SHOP – DAY
Tracy learns on the job. She proves competent. But begins to suspect Marty has other interests.
EXT. MARKET – DAY
Tracy phones her mother on her mobile. A happier conversation. Tracy acknowledges Jim with a half-smile.
INT. PUB – NIGHT
Marty overhears two men talking about GEORGE GODWIN, a wealthy criminal who is going on holiday.
INT. MARTY’S HOUSE – NIGHT.
Marty drops a hint to his wife MARY (58), that he is going out on a ‘little expedition,’
PLACEHOLDER : Marty leaves his vintage car. He robs Godwin’s mansion. Has encounter with Godwin. Gunshot.
ACT 11
EXT. AVENUE – DAY
POLICE interview a neighbour who heard the shot. A milkman has seen Marty’s vintage car.
INT. MARTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Marty is arrested. Mary is questioned.
INT. SHOP – DAY
Tracy is interviewed.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
While being interviewed Marty has a heart attack.
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Mary and Tracy visit Marty. Marty confesses everything. When they leave, Mart writes two notes to Tracy to be read when he ‘is no longer there.’ Marty gives one to nurse SARAH (30)
INT. CORRIDOR -DAY
CONSTABLE STRONG (50) fed up, is on guard outside Marty’s private room. He is gambling on his mobile phone. He loses heavily (again).
INT. SHOP – DAY
Constable Strong is convinced Marty is hiding stolen money. He gets tough with Tracy but stops when Jim enters the shop.
ACT 111 MIDPOINT Marty dies in the hospital.
INT. MARTY’S HOUSE. – DAY
Mary wants Tracy to take over the shop as manager and gives her the key to Marty’s lockup. They discuss arrangements for Mary’s funeral.
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
The police decide to drop Marty’s case. Constable Strong finds Marty’s second note to Tracy and keeps it.
INT. CAFÉ – DAY
Tracy has a proposal for STEVE, Marty’s locksmith’s friend. They make an agreement whereby she can continue her apprenticeship.
INT. SHOP – DAY
Constable strong arrives at the shop. He threatens Tracy and attempts to search Marty’s office. Jim saves her again and Tracy confides in him. She tells him about Marty.
INT. MARKET – DAY
Constable Strong is booed through the market by stallholders.
INT. MARTY’S LOCKUP – DAY
Tracy and Jim investigate. They find Marty’s vintage car and a deep (mechanics) pit. They decided to return the following day.
INT. MARTY’S LOCKUP – FOLLOWING DAY
Constable Strong lets himself in to investigate. He is interrupted by Tracy and Jim. Following a confrontation with Jim, Strong falls (fatally) into the pit. They call the police.
INT. HOSPITAL -DAY
Sarah, returning from holiday finds Marty’s note to Tracy still in her uniform pocket.
INT. SHOP – DAY
Sarah gives the note to Tracy.
PLACEHOLDER. Tracy phones Mary.
ACT 1V
INT. MARTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Mary invites Tracy and Marty to lunch.
INT. FLAT – DAY
Jim meets Diedre. She goes out and Jim helps Tracy find the owner of the jewels on his laptop.
INT. MARTY’S HOUSE -DAY
Tracy and Jim tell Mary the owner, FIONA MACDONALD lives in Scotland. Mary surprises Tracy by being Marty’s accomplice all along. She arranges an appointment with Fiona in Scotland.
EXT. STATION – DAY
Trace, Jim and Mary (in disguise) bord train for Scotland.
INT. HIRE CAR – DAY
Mary leaves car at drive entrance to manor. Trace and Jim worry about her long absence. They kiss.
INT. MANOR HOUSE – DAY
Fiona gratefully accepts jewels. She tells Mary she had spoken to the police. After worry Mary learns it wasn’t to betray her, and she has made up another story about the jewels being returned on her doorstep.
INT. MARTY’S HOUSE – DAY
Mary gives Tracy the money. Marty would have wanted her to have it.
INT. TRACY AND JIM’S FLAT – DAY (TWO MONTH’S LATER)
Tracy is teaching Jim how to mend a safe. They discuss Tracy’s last meeting with Mary. Mary had hinted that Tracy might like to take on some other of Marty’s interests. Tracy tells Jim, she will ‘think about it.’
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Benita. Lesson 6 …Transformational events. I have added two extra character traits to my protagonist ‘old ways.’
1 Having failed when given unworthy jobs, Tracy actively goes looking for one. By doing this she accepts that life owes her nothing. Tracy responds to an advert.
2 Tracy learns fast and grows to respect and like her boss, Marty. Marty takes her to a client’s house to learn how to mend a safe.
3 Harmony is restored between Tracy and her mother. Tracy shows her mother that she can unlock a safe, and Tracy hands over her wages to pay household bills.
4 Tracy becomes friendly with Mary. They bond over Marty’s funeral arrangements.
5 Distrustful of men, Tracy gets to like Jim. Jim saves her from Constable Strong.
6 No longer restless and unfulfilled, Tracy manages the shop, repairs safes and discovers Marty’s hiding place.
7 Tracy shows she can be loyal. Tracy defies constable Strong and does not betray Marty.
8 Tracy does a good deed. Tracy assists in returning stolen jewels.
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Benita. Lesson 4 Characters interviews. I enjoyed ‘speaking’ as my two characters.
TRACY – PROTAGONIST
I live with my mother in North London in a two-bed flat. My father walked out on us when I was two. He had a market stall as a watch repairer although I never knew him. He divorced mum and married an American visitor and went back to the states with her. Mum works as a sports centre receptionist, where she dates fit young guys and gets large tips. She dresses glam and goes out a lot. I’m a disappointment and a waste of space who doesn’t contribute to the household pot. I need a worthwhile job, not the rubbish I’ve been offered so far. It’s not my fault I left school with no qualifications. We had rotten teachers who couldn’t be bothered with me. I’d rather twist bits of wire or bang in nails and make something rather than analyse stupid books written by someone in the 18th century. I was told that I had no patience and couldn’t concentrate. Well, I know I could if it was something I really wanted to do. I loved making things with plasticine and clay as a kid, ‘till mum got fed up with the mess. When I find some job that interests me, I won’t stop until I make enough money to be independent of mum and have a decent life. And that doesn’t include relying on marriage or men. Even the boys I have gone out with have been rubbish,
CONSTABLE STRONG – ANTAGONIST
It was my name, wasn’t it? Strong. Though my old man was anything but, being weak-chested and dying young. It was my mother wanting me to go into the forces and prove myself that made me join the police. Couldn’t do with actually killing anyone! Don’t mind acting tough and pushing villains around a bit. Take pride in locking them up. Not many get the better of me. Must be something in my psyche that makes me not like people much. Well, that’s their lookout. It’s not so much I want a promotion after twenty years of service. I’m no brain box, but being given boring jobs like surveyance is driving me nuts. Mind you, that’s what I probably am. I’ve got this addition. Got it out of boredom. Went online on my phone while sitting around for hours. It’s got me into trouble. I can’t sleep nights I owe so much money. It’s gambling debts, see. Got geezers to pay off and they have no respect for bobbies like me. It’s now or never. I won’t be here no more if I don’t get the money to repay them.
Benita 4-Act Structure. This really made me get the story down.
ACT 1 …. 25 pages
BEGINNING. At home, TRACY quarrels with her mother and sets out through the market to find a job. A young market stallholder, JIM, fancies her but fails to catch her attention.
INCITING INCIDENT. Tracy spots an advertisement in a locksmith’s shop for an apprentice. The owner, MARTY, an elderly man, interviews her. Marty likes her, they get on well and he teaches her the trade. Tracy learns fast. She also begins to suspect that Marty, apart from his love of ancient cars, has interests elsewhere. Marty introduces Tracy to his wife MARY. and establishes Tracy in a partnership.
TURNING POINT. Marty’s unblemished record as a petty thief/safe breaker ends when a robbery goes badly wrong and ends in a death.
ACT 11 ….. 20 pages
REACTION. The police get involved. Marty’s unusual car is a giveaway, and Marty is suspected. While being interviewed at the police station Marty has a heart attack. Tracy and Mary visit him in hospital. He is guarded by unpleasant CONSTABLE STRONG. Marty confesses all to Mary and Tracy and writes notes to be given to them when he’s ‘no longer there.’ Constable Strong needs money for gambling debts. He believes Marty has hidden his gains, and he visits Tracy in the shop. Before he can get really tough with Tracy, Jim enters as a customer and Constable Strong leaves.
MIDPOINT. Marty dies in hospital.
ACT 111… … 20 pages
Tracy helps Mary with the funeral, and Mary’s sister comes to stay with her. The police move on to other cases. But C. Strong, who has stolen one of Marty’s notes left for Tracey, keenly follows up a lead. Tracy initiates a favour from STEVE, Marty’s locksmith friend, and learns more about mending safes. Tracy is again threatened by C. Strong who demands to search the shop. Jim saves her. Tracy tells him about Marty and Jim accompanies her to Marty’s lockup (part of the shop’s assets). They discover an old car and a mechanic’s pit. Returning the following day, they find C Strong snooping around. After a confrontation, C. Strong falls into the pit. They call the police, who treat his death as accidental. Marty’s hospital nurse returns from holiday. She gives Tracy a note from Marty that she’d forgotten about. Tracy finds Marty’s hidden safe in the pit and Jim solves the clue to unlocking it.
TURNING POINT. The safe contains, a large sum of cash and a bag of jewels.
ACT 1V ….. 25 pages
Marty has left Tracy full control of the business. Tracy and Mary decide that they must return the jewels to their rightful owner. Mary confesses to being Marty’s accomplice all along. Jim helps Tracy to find the owner of the jewels. Mary sets up an appointment and they all journey to a Scottish mansion to meet the owner. Mary, in disguise, gives back the jewels. Mary tells Tracy, Marty would have wanted her to have the money. Tracy and Jim buy a small flat and Tracy starts teaching Jim the trade. In answer to Mary’s hint that she might like to take on some of Marty’s ‘other pursuits,’ Tracy replies, that she’ll ‘think about it.’
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Benita. Lesson 4 Characters interviews. I enjoyed ‘speaking’ as my two characters.
TRACY – PROTAGONIST
I live with my mother in North London in a two-bed flat. My father walked out on us when I was two. He had a market stall as a watch repairer although I never knew him. He divorced mum and married an American visitor and went back to the states with her. Mum works as a sports centre receptionist, where she dates fit young guys and gets large tips. She dresses glam and goes out a lot. I’m a disappointment and a waste of space who doesn’t contribute to the household pot. I need a worthwhile job, not the rubbish I’ve been offered so far. It’s not my fault I left school with no qualifications. We had rotten teachers who couldn’t be bothered with me. I’d rather twist bits of wire or bang in nails and make something rather than analyse stupid books written by someone in the 18th century. I was told that I had no patience and couldn’t concentrate. Well, I know I could if it was something I really wanted to do. I loved making things with plasticine and clay as a kid, ‘till mum got fed up with the mess. When I find some job that interests me, I won’t stop until I make enough money to be independent of mum and have a decent life. And that doesn’t include relying on marriage or men. Even the boys I have gone out with have been rubbish,
CONSTABLE STRONG – ANTAGONIST
It was my name, wasn’t it? Strong. Though my old man was anything but, being weak-chested and dying young. It was mother wanting me to go in the forces and prove myself that made me join the police. Couldn’t do with actually killing anyone! Don’t mind acting tough and pushing villains around a bit. Take pride in locking them up. Not many get the better of me. Must be something in my psyche makes me not like people much. Well, that’s their lookout. It’s not so much I want promotion after twenty years of service. I’m no brain-box but being given boring jobs like surveyance is driving me nuts. Mind you, that’s what I probably am. I’ve got this addition. Got it out of boredom. Went online on my phone while sitting around for hours. It’s got me into trouble. I can’t sleep nights I owe so much money. It’s gambling debts, see. Got geezers to pay off and they have no respect for bobbies like me. It’s now or never. I won’t be here no more if I don’t get the money to repay them.
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Benita. Lesson 3 Part two Character Profile. I learned to consider Irony and subtext.
What draws us to Tracy?
TRAITS. Her vulnerability. Courage. Willingness to learn and better herself.
SUBTEXT. She hides the fact that she left school with no qualifications (expelled). Puts on an air of bravado. Suspects that her boss is up to something but says nothing.
FLAW. A rebellious nature makes Tracy her own worst enemy.
VALUES. Being taken seriously. Kindness. Loyalty to those she respects.
IRONY. She has more respect for a thief than a corrupt cop. She will never betray her boss.
WHAT MAKES HER THE ONE? She is an innocent with no high morals. Yet she sets out to right an injustice. She will do what it takes to get the most out of life.
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Assignment 2. Who are we travelling with?
Benita Cullingford, from St Albans, Hertfordshire, UK
I learnt to analyse my main character, particularly her wound.
DREAMER. Tracy. She expects more from life, not realising that it’s up to her to find a way to achieve her role in life, whatever it may be.
VILLIAN. Constable Short. With a chip on his shoulder, failed promotion and severe gambling debts, this policeman will go to any lengths to re-steal from a thief, with dire consequences.
OTHER CHARACTERS.
Supporting:
MARTY, part-protagonist. Tracy’s boss
MARY. Marty’s wife
JIM. Tracy’s boyfriend.
Minor roles:
DI Green
Sergeant Green
Steve, locksmith
Betty, Mary’s sister
Rhona Macdonald
Doctor
Nurse
GENRE … Crime drama
PROTAGONIST’S PROFILE
ROLE. Main character. Coming of Age.
AGE/DESCRIPTION. 22 years. Short haircut (man style). Scruffily dressed.
INT, J. Fulfilment. Perfection of a craft.
EXT. J. Finds the right boss and craft, and more?
MOTIVATION. Work hard to make her boss proud of her.
WOUND. Underachiever at school. No close friendships.
AGENDA. Perfect a new craft.
SECRET. There is more to her amiable boss than meets the eye!
SPECIAL. A young female who perfects the skills of a locksmith.
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Benita Cullingford
First assignment… Transition
Main character, Bolshie young TRACY
INTERNAL JOURNEY: From feeling there is more to life than mind-numbing meaningless jobs, putting up with authoritarian incompetence, living with a nagging mother, and generally being unhappy, Tracy’s EXTERNAL JOURNEY leads to a happier self-awareness, creative fulfilment and manager/ part-ownership of a successful locksmith shop.
OLD WAYS:
Expects life to owe her.
Disrespectful of authority she doesn’t agree with.
Unprepared to accept second best
Restless and unfulfilled
NEW WAYS:
Accepts life will only improve if she puts in the work.
Learns to care about others and accept their friendship
Life is more than material.
Good people can do ‘not so good’ things.
Becomes efficient at a worthwhile craft and learns more than she expects!
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Benita Cullingford
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