Forum Replies Created

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 29, 2022 at 5:20 pm in reply to: Lesson 27

    Benita. lesson 27 scene improvements.

    I confess to not being able to do this assignment. I will look at weak scenes when I’ve finished writing all my scenes.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 29, 2022 at 5:02 pm in reply to: Lesson 26

    Benita lesson 26 I have looked hard at my main characters. Think all is Ok. My task is being made easier because I am adapting a published novel

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 27, 2022 at 11:46 am in reply to: Lesson 25

    Benita lesson 25 I’m still trying to get to grips with my scene structure.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 22, 2022 at 5:25 pm in reply to: Lesson 24

    Benita lesson 24 Missing scenes. It was good to fill up the gaps.

    ACT 1….. 3 scenes added showing build up to robbery and police investigation.

    ACT 11…. 2 extra scenes showing Tracy’s warming relationship with her mother and Jim.

    ACT 111.. 2 extra scenes with Tracy’s sister, and a return visit to the lock-up.

    AVT 1V…. Extra scenes were added to show a montage journey to Scotland.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 21, 2022 at 5:24 pm in reply to: Lesson 23

    Benita Lesson 23 key scenes

    INT. JIM’S BEDSIT- NIGHT

    Tracy and Jim are eating Chinese takeaways.

    JIM

    You can’t take a bag of jewels

    into a police station, hand it

    over and say you found it, right?

    TRACY

    Yes, we all link back to Marty and

    would immediately cause suspicion.

    And I don’t think Mary wants

    anymore about his secret life

    being known to all and sundry.

    (beat) It’s a puzzle to know what

    to do.

    Tracy forks some more rice into her mouth.

    JIM

    Maybe we could post a package to

    the police.

    TRACY

    That wouldn’t guarantee it getting

    back to the rightful owner and

    that’s what Mary wants.

    JIM

    Lets think about it.

    They eat in silence for awhile.

    JIM

    Google wasn’t much good – mind

    boggling the number of hits from

    all over the world for ‘stolen

    jewellery or lost jewellery.

    TRACY

    We can’t give up. Lets finish

    eating and have another go.

    Jim pushes his plate away and gets up. He wanders around

    thinking on his feet.

    JIM

    Let’s assume Godwin stacked his

    stuff recently. He didn’t want to

    hold on to it long, wanting to

    turn it into cash. As far as we

    know he didn’t have a girl friend –

    TRACY (INTERRUPTING)

    We haven’t tried ‘stolen jewellery

    collection.’

    JIM

    Okay.

    Jim collects his laptop and sits on the floor with Tracy.

    He opens it up.

    A long list appears, mostly high profile people,

    celebrities and film stars. They stare at the screen – in

    danger of going boss-eyed, until –

    TRACY

    Go back, go back! Stop. There I

    think that might be it.

    She holds up her phone near the screen, comparing.

    An image of the PENDANT NECKLACE (she’d taken earlier)

    shows up very like her photo, on Jim’s screen.

    TRACY

    I’m pretty sure that’s it. What d’

    you think?

    JIM

    Yeh. Looks right to me.

    As Jim clicked on several sites, they both exclaimed out

    loud.

    TRACY

    Small stately home… Armed

    robbery!

    JIM

    Newspaper article, Tracy!

    TRACY

    Oh, the poor woman. Family

    heirlooms!.. That’s awful. She’s

    seventy two! Oh, I can’t read it.

    FLASHBACK – NIGHT

    BEDROOM. RHONA MCDONALD asleep in bed.

    A masked man in dark clothes moves towards the bed.

    Rhona opens her eyes. The intruder lowers his pistol at

    her. She twists rapidly to the far side of the double bed

    and gets out, attempting to run.

    He grabs her and forces her to the door, menacing with

    the pistol.

    STAIRS. Rhona is dragged down the stairs.

    STUDY. Rhone is forced to open the safe. She is knocked

    on the side of the head with the pistol, and left

    unconscious.

    FASHBACK ENDS

    Tracy has a hand to her face.

    JIM

    It’s Okay. She recovers and phones

    the police… oh, there’s a follow

    up. The jewels were due to be

    auctioned due to financial

    difficulties.

    They exchange a look.

    TRACY

    Where is it, exactly?

    Jim scrolls some more on his laptop.

    JIM

    It’s called Buntington Hall.

    Blimey! That’s a long way. It’s in

    Scotland, somewhere near a place

    called Dunoon on the west coast.

    Tracy is on her phone.

    JIM

    What are you doing?

    TRACY

    Texting Mary. We need a

    conference.

    INT. MARTY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

    Tracy, Jim and Mary sit around the dining table. Mary

    fusses with a tray of hot drinks.

    MARY

    I haven’t been to Scotland for so

    many years. Maybe a trip is in

    order. But first a phone call.

    Jim looks horrified.

    JIM

    You can’t just phone up on your

    phone. It has to be done without

    anyone knowing, right?

    Mary and Tracy both nod in agreement.

    JIM

    We’ll need to get ourselves a

    burner phone.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 20, 2022 at 12:29 pm in reply to: Lesson 22

    INT. MARTY’S HOUSE – DAY

    A large bay-windowed room. Tracy and Jim sit together on

    the sofa. Mary sits opposite them in an armchair.

    Behind Mary, a dining table shows the remains of an

    enjoyable meal. Empty wine glasses and a third full

    decanter. Abandoned napkins, a glass jug used for cream.

    And three empty desert bowls with spoons in them.

    In front of Mary, and Tracy and Jim, is a coffee table

    with –

    A pile of sparkling jewels.

    MARY

    You could’ve asked me I knew the

    combination. Although I am

    grateful to you, Jim.

    Tracy and Jim are staring at her.

    MARY

    Oh, I’ve always known about

    Marty’s ‘little expeditions’ as he

    called them. Marty was very good

    with his hands, but increasingly

    bad at remembering things.

    Tracy gives Jim a raised eyebrow look. Jim looks equally

    taken aback.

    Mary bends forward and lifts a turquoise pendant necklace

    from the pile.

    MARY

    I knew nothing about these. Marty

    did this one on his own. Poor

    lamb.

    Mary sighs.

    TRACY

    I only glanced into the bag for a

    moment in the lock-up. Now, seeing

    them in this light, well they

    ‘re… They‘re so beautiful. And

    Mary, there’s a large amount of

    cash. I only brought the jewels.

    Mary shrugged, almost dismissive.

    MARY

    Leave that where it is for the

    moment. It’s the jewellery I want

    to discuss.

    They all stared at the assortment of jewels for a moment.

    Then Mary spread the items across the table, showing off

    their full glory.

    MARY

    I’m no expert, but their quality

    seems clear. They ‘re of some

    considerable age too, I’d guess,

    very special (beat). But they do

    present us with a problem.

    Tracy laughed.

    TRACY

    Yes, but a good problem, I think.

    Mary takes off her spectacles and lets them hang round

    her neck on a black cord. She rubs her eyes and sits up

    straight.

    MARY

    Let me explain. As I said, I knew

    when Marty was going out, and

    something of the way he worked. He

    almost never took anything but

    cash and he always stuck to a

    Rigid code – he never stole from

    anyone unless he felt they

    deserved it.

    Tracy opened her mouth to interrupt. Mary shushed her.

    MARY (CONTINUING)

    I know these jewels could only

    have come from George Godwin.

    Marty developed a strong dislike

    of the man, and I think he made an

    exception and knew he’s stolen

    them from someone who didn’t

    deserve to lose them.

    Tracy nodded.

    TRACY

    That sounds just like the Marty I

    knew. Though, of course, I didn’t

    know the half of it until the last

    few days.

    MARY

    And I bin the safe temporarily

    until he discovered where Godwin

    had got them from.

    Tracy leaned forward.

    TRACY

    You mean, you think he was-

    MARY (INTERRUPTING)

    I’m sure he planned to return

    them(beat). Now it’s down to us.

    That means we have to find out who

    the owner is and get them back to

    their proper home. Yes?

    Tracy and Jim nodded enthusiastically.

    Mary beams and puts her glasses on.

    Tracy gives her the drawstring bag to hold open. Then Jim

    helps her to scoop up the jewels and deposited them

    back in the bag.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 19, 2022 at 5:25 pm in reply to: Lesson 21

    INT. SHOP – DAY

    MARTY’S STOCKROOM

    Tracy is sitting at Marty’s desk. An untidy pile of paper

    faces her. Tracy sighs. She picks up an account book,

    stares into space for a while, and then opens the book

    Ping from the doorbell as the door opens.

    Tracy gets up and hurries into the shop.

    Constable Stone, out of uniform, thrusts his warrant card

    at her.

    TRACY

    Yeah, I know who you are. What do

    you want? Marty’s gone. You know

    that, so there’s nothing you can

    pin on him now. Why don’t you

    leave us alone?

    CONSTABLRE SHORT

    Yes, and George Godwin has gone

    too. Probably a good thing that.

    But the evidence was clear. I

    don’t think he went there to kill

    George Godwin –

    TRACY

    Marty couldn’t hurt a fly!

    CONSTABLRE SHORT (CONTINUING)

    But, I reckon he went there to

    steal. Goodness knows what that

    man has tucked away. What’s more I

    think there’s a good chance

    whatever he took from Godwin is

    here in this shop.

    Tracy frowns.

    CONSTABLE SHORT

    Whether you know it or not what

    say we have a look?

    TRACY

    You have no right to do that. You

    need a search warrant. I thought

    you were no more than a low level

    guard dog. This isn’t even your

    patch. I want you to leave. Get

    out!

    Constable Stone turned with a sneer on his face. He

    reversed the door sign to CLOSED and clicked the door

    lock.

    Tracy retreated behind the counter.

    CONSTABLE STONE

    You don’t want to hinder a police

    enquiry, now do you?

    TRACY

    I certainly want to hinder you.

    Get out, I’m sure you need a

    warrant to search somewhere.

    Constable Stone raises the hatch in the counter. Tracy

    steps sideways to block him.

    Without warning, Constable Stone raises his hand and slaps

    Tracy hard across the face.

    Tracy gasps and stumbles back putting a hand to her left

    cheek.

    Stone ignores her and pushes past her into the stock

    room.

    CONSTABLE SHORT

    Maybe you know where he hid his

    stuff.

    Trace quickly slips her phone out. Fingers moving

    rapidly, she texts Jim.

    HELP.

    STOCK ROOM

    Constable Stone is looking around. He sees-

    KEYS hanging from hooks behind Marty’s desk. One key has

    a label marked LOCK UP.

    Tracy has followed him in.

    TRACY

    This is just you, isn’t it? It’s

    nothing to do with the police –

    what would that inspector of yours

    make of what you’re doing here?

    Stone pulls open the desk drawers one by one, each is

    stuffed with paper and pieces of the trade: keys,

    padlocks etc.

    Stone turns towards Tracy, menacingly.

    CONSTABLE SHORT

    Where’s the safe?

    TRACY

    There’s no safe here. People tend

    not to try and rob locksmiths.

    Have you seen the lock on the

    door? It’s state of the art.

    Stone takes a step towards her.

    CONSTABLE SHORT

    I don’t believe you. I…

    A loud pounding on the shop door. Pounding continues.

    Constable Stone and Tracy stand unmoving, staring at each

    other.

    TRACY

    You going on with this in front of

    witnesses. Lots of witnesses?

    SHOP

    Tracy pushes past him and hurries towards the shop door.

    Constable Stone follows.

    Jim and a group of stallholders stand looking in.

    Tracy unlocks the door.

    Constable Stone steps outside holding up his warrant

    card.

    CONSTABLE SHORT

    Police business. Nothing to see

    here.

    Jim enters the shop. Tracy and Jim hug each other. Jim

    runs a finger down Tray’s reddened cheek.

    JIM

    Are you okay? What happened?

    Did he hit you?

    Tracy turns towards the door.

    TRACY

    Lets get out of here and I’ll tell

    you all about it.

    37.

    INT. CAFE – DAY

    Tracy and Jim sit at a table with mugs of tea and a kit

    kat each. Tracy holds a cloth wrapping a number of ice

    cubes to her left cheek.

    JIM

    So, he’s after Marty’s ill-gotten

    gains and it’s him doing it and

    not any sort of police

    investigation. Right? How’s your

    face feeling?

    Tracy lowers the cloth.

    TRACY

    Getting better, I think, but it

    bloody well stung. What a bastard.

    JIM

    I’m sure it did and we need to

    report him. And take a photo

    before it fades.

    Tracy raises the ice pack again.

    TRACY

    No, listen, it would just open up a

    whole area of police interest. And

    what if there was stuff hidden

    somewhere? It’s the last thing

    Mary would want, too, worst of all

    now she’s grieving.

    JIM

    Alright, we’ll say nothing. But if

    Constable what’s his name comes

    back, I’m not having you in any

    danger – promise me you’ll think

    again. Yes?

    Tracy nods.

    JIM

    How about we go and watch a film

    this evening? Forget about bent

    cops?

    Tracy removes her cloth and smiles.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 18, 2022 at 2:13 pm in reply to: Lesson 20

    MONTAGE

    PIT. Tracy at safe, wanting to work alone. No Luck. Jim

    above on his phone doing puzzles.

    JIM’s BEDSIT. Tracy is on Jim’s computer googling old safes.

    INT. MARTY’S LOCK UP – DAY

    Tracy and Jim are done in the pit.

    TRACY

    Right, let’s have another go.

    Jim faces away from her.

    TRACY

    Jim, come on, time to leave me to

    it for a bit. Okay?

    JIM

    Have you looked at this board?

    Jim moves closer to the board they’d swung open as a

    door.

    Dusty and dirty with oil stains. Faint markings of things

    written on it.

    JIM

    Look, he’s written things like a

    reminder to buy milk. Guess he

    remembered there’s a big tick. Oh,

    I like this one.

    Writing on board: LOCKSMITHS ARE KEY WORKERS and KNOWING

    HOW TO PICK LOCKS HAS OPENED UP A LOT OD DOORS FOR ME.

    TRACY

    Yeah, okay enough for a small

    smile, I suppose, but it’s not as

    interesting as what may be inside

    this safe. Come on, I should get

    going.

    JIM

    Not yet. Just a sec. There’s

    something else quite low

    down(beat). Tell me about

    combinations. If you now a

    combination how many numbers would

    it be?

    Tracy flashes him a look.

    TRACY

    We don’t know the number. That’s

    the whole point, Dumbo!

    JIM

    But if we did, what –

    TRACY (INTERRUPTING)

    I don’t know. Well I might I

    suppose. Yes, I think what was

    needed would be six two digit

    numbers, but why…Just let me get

    on. I think I learnt where to

    position the drill last night.

    Jim beams at her.

    TRACY

    What?

    JIM

    Six numbers. You know I think

    Marty may have left us the

    combination. I think he wrote it

    down many years ago as a reminder,

    you Know… have a look here.

    Tracy joins him and bends down to read low on the board,

    inside a circle –

    282

    930

    ___

    ___

    JIM

    What are you on about? That’s two

    three-digit numbers, not… Well

    no help at all. Come on –

    JIM

    Look at it as a series. The lines

    indicate additional numbers to

    follow. What are the next two

    numbers?

    Tracy puffs her cheeks, looking annoyed.

    JIM

    It’s an old trick, add 313 and

    233, see?,,, You’ll kick yourself

    when you see what –

    Tracy punches him on the arm.

    TRACY

    You… Oh, for heaven’s sake,

    bloody tell me!

    JIM

    Okay. Read the numbers in sequence

    two at a time. We have 28,29,30,

    then add on 313 and 233, that’s

    31,32,33. That makes six two-digit

    numbers… D ’you think that looks

    like Marty’s writing?

    TRACY

    It’s messy enough, I suppose. But

    how did you evcn do that?

    JIM

    I’ve seen it before. At school

    maybe. Once remembered never

    forgot. Also, I’ve just thought –

    Marty’s message, the last bit

    about figuring it out. Numbers

    figures. Surely worth a try?

    Tracy, eyes gleeful, positions herself in front of the

    safe. She spins the combination dials to and fro as Jim

    reads out the numbers.

    A CLICK. The door releases.

    Tracy lets her breath out on a huge sigh. She looks at

    Jim and holds his gaze, then pulls the door back.

    INTERIOR OF SAFE

    Shelves stacked with neat piles of bank notes.

    CONTINUED: (3)

    33.

    TRACY

    Look, look. Oh, my god, this is

    more money than I’ve ever seen in

    my whole life.

    Tracy turns. She flings her arms around Jim in a tight

    hug.

    TRACY

    You did it, you bloody well did

    it!

    JIM

    No. Marty did. It was a clever

    message, he reckoned it would

    work, and it did.

    Another hug and moment of babbling excitement and they

    calmed down. They did a rough count of the notes, some

    were in Euros. Then Tracy found.

    A VELVET BAG with a drawstring at the top. She weights it

    in her hand, and peeped inside.

    TRACY

    Wow! Jewellery, quite a lot!

    Tracy glanced at her watch.

    TRACY

    It’s getting late. We’re supposed

    to be at Mary’s place soon. I’ll

    take the bag, but we’ll lock the

    money in the safe for the moment.

    Tracy turns to Jim with shining eyes.

    TRACY

    This promises to be an interesting

    lunch.

    Tracey fastens the safe door with a new padlock from her

    tool kit and they move away to the ladder

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 17, 2022 at 6:23 pm in reply to: Lesson 19

    Benita lesson 19 Turning point

    EXT. MARTY’S LOCK UP – DAY

    Tracy has unlocked the doors. She steps inside the lock-up

    up followed by Jim.

    JIM

    Good of her to remember at all I

    guess. What was the message then?

    TRACY

    It meant nothing to me at first

    but as we chatted and I talked

    about Marty it came back to

    me.’ Look Under my favourite

    thing,’ he said. It’s the old car,

    it’s got to be. D’ you think he

    had something hidden away after

    all? It had to be something he

    didn’t want ignored or he wouldn’t

    have bothered sending a message

    like that.

    They move further into the lock up.

    JIM

    Well, you knows, but we maybe

    going to find out. But don’t go

    falling into that pit. There’s

    been enough drama in here to last

    us both a lifetime.

    Tracy overtakes him and walks between the two vehicles.

    TRACY

    Lets take a look. Can You grab

    that lamp.

    LAMP with a bulb set inside a metal cage attached to a

    long length of wire is plugged into a socket on back

    wall.

    Jim switches the lamp on – and climbs down the ladder.

    The lamp sends light flashing to and fro.

    BOTTOM OF PIT

    Jim turns at the bottom and helps Tracy down the ladder.

    They look at each other for a moment, then Tracy looks

    down. Tracy shivers.

    DRIED BLOOD on the concrete floor and the old wheel.

    TRACY

    We should do something about that,

    right?

    Jim nods. He swings the lamp up and along, looking at the

    underside of the old classic.

    The underneath is remarkably clean.

    JIM

    The message said ‘under the car’

    but not on it. Maybe there’s

    something down here we’re missing.

    Jim swings the lamp around. Then he stamps hard on the

    ground.

    JIM

    This pit is concrete lined. D’ you

    think those boards at the ends

    move? Lets see.

    A wooden board is attached to the wall. Tools hang from

    hooks on the board.

    Jim takes a large SCREWDRIVER off hook and struggles a

    bit, then prises the board away from the (bare) wall.

    Tools fall to the floor.

    TRACY

    Nothing. Try the other end.

    Jim pushed the board back in place and Tracy replaced the

    tools. They moved to the wooden panel at other end.

    Jim easily loosened one corner. He got his fingers

    underneath the panel and it swung open like a door.

    Tracy and Jim stood back, elated.

    TRACY

    Well, I can now guess why he sent

    the message to me rather than

    Mary. She’d never have got into

    that!

    Set flush with the concrete wall was the door of a safe.

    JIM

    Will you tell her about this?

    CONTINUED: (2)

    30.

    TRACY

    Yes. Yes, I must. But we’ll see

    what’s inside first, it may be

    nothing. But either way I’ll let

    her know. Lets leave this until

    Sunday – it might take me longer

    than my lunch break.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 17, 2022 at 12:48 pm in reply to: Lesson 18

    Benita lesson 18 more key scenes.

    ACT 111 SCENE 9

    EXT. MARTY’S LOCK UP – DAY

    Constable short, a canvass bag slung over his shoulder

    glances up at –

    The faded word, HOLMES stencilled at top of one of the double

    doors.

    Short places his hefty pair of BOLT CUTTERS on the ground and

    takes a KEY and pair of GLOVES from his pocket. He puts

    gloves on and inserts key in the padlock.

    He glances around, picks up bolt cutters and opens the

    door wide enough to enter, and slips inside, pulling to

    door to behind him.

    INT. MARTY’S LOCK UP – DAY (CONTINUOUS)

    Dim, but enough light from frosted glass at top of doors

    to see. Facing Constable short – back of a WHITE VAN. The

    words HOLMES & SON LOCKSMITHS and a telephone number

    printed on the van doors and sides.

    Strong pts his bolt cutters in his canvas bag and walks

    around the van trying the doors. All locked. He turns to

    the CLASSIC CAR beside it. Then glances at the back wall –

    Open metal shelving with variety of things to do with

    cars, and huge range of tools. Short rummages along the

    shelves. Nothing interesting. Then he spots –

    a Jumbo-sized metal trunk on the floor. Short opens the trunk

    using his bolt cutters.

    Disappointing. A glorified cupboard; electric kettle, old

    mugs stained with caffeine, cleaning gel, a biscuit tin,

    empty.

    Short stands up. He puts his hand to his forehead, and thumps

    it several times, thinking. Ah!

    SHORT

    (muttering)

    Underneath my favourite thing.

    Short turns to the classic car. He takes out his TORCH

    and shines it up and down. Then crouches alongside the

    car –

    Underneath, an old TARPAULIN spread out. On it battered

    blue metal TOOLBOX.

    Short opens the toolbox. Nothing but nuts and bolts and

    tools. He shuts it and shines his torch further under the

    car.

    Torch light picks up a TROLLEY on wheels.

    Short pulls out the trolley, lies on it and propels

    himself underneath the car.

    The torch-light flicks as he searches.

    He emerges again and gets off trolley. As he stands

    something triggers. He squats again and feels under the

    tarpaulin. He drags the tarpaulin out from under the car.

    It exposes –

    A long row of floorboards. Short bangs on one of the

    boards. A hollow SOUND. He prizes a floor up (with

    difficulty, failing to see a finger-hole in the board for

    removal). He removes several more.

    A length of wood ladder leads down to an inspection pit.

    Short shines his torch down into the pit.

    A large amount of litter on the floor; crisp packets, old

    wheels without rims. Various bits from cars etc.

    Short places one foot on the ladder. PAUSES. LOOK UP.

    BRIGHT DAY-LIGHT streams through the fully open doors. A

    figure is silhouetted in the doorway. Someone shouts:

    TRACY

    What the bloody hell are you doing

    here?

    CUT

    ACT 111 scene12

    INT. MARTY’S LOCK-UP -DAY (CONTINUOUS FROM SCENE 9)

    Tracy stands in the lock-up doorway staring at Constable

    Short.

    A moment of indecision between them.

    Tracy glances at the broken lock on the ground, then

    towards an IRON SPIKE lying alongside the second open

    door. She quickly stoops and grabs the spike and holds it

    out in front of her.

    Constable Short stepped back off the ladder.

    CONSTABLE SHORT

    I mean to find his ill-gotten

    gains one way or another, and it

    will take more than that to stop

    me.

    He points a finger indicating the spike. Then an idea

    strikes him.

    CONSTABLE SHORT

    We could search together, and

    share what we find. Come on –

    think what that could mean.

    Tracy lowers the spike.

    TRACY

    You don’t know that there’s

    anything to find, here or anywhere

    else. I don’t think there is and

    I’ve never heard a safe mentioned.

    CONSTABLRE SHORT

    There must be one, and if you

    don’t help I’ll have to –

    He breaks off as –

    Jim appears behind Tracy.

    JIM

    What’s going on here?

    TRACY

    It’s our rogue policeman, you

    know, he’s convinced Marty had a

    stack of goodies hidden somewhere

    in here. He broke in.

    JIM

    Come on, that’s enough. I’ll phone

    the police – you’ve got to put a

    stop to this.

    Jim gets out his mobile phone out of his jeans. Tracy

    puts a hand on his arm.

    TRACY

    Hang on… I don’t think we want

    the police involved again.

    It’s…It’s… I don’t know what

    to think.

    CONSTABLRE SHORT

    I suggested a deal. We look

    together and share the spoils we

    find, you too, I guess. What d’

    think? It’s possible there’s a

    considerable amount here

    somewhere.

    Jim puts his phone away and moves into the lock up.

    Constable Short walks forward, his voice and manner

    threatening.

    CONSTABLRE SHORT

    Otherwise. I’m sure I can think up

    some charge that will get you out

    of the way.

    Jim steps in front of Tracy, shielding her and shouts

    loud and sudden.

    JIM

    Not another step! Back off!

    Short steps back and retreats between the two cars. Jim

    follows, keeping a short distance between them. Tracy

    moves forward as well.

    Short glances over his shoulder and takes another step

    back. His eyes on Jim he puts his left foot down –

    CONTINUED: (4)

    (CONTINUED)

    26.

    And steps onto the centre of the wheeled trolley. The

    trolley moves with sudden speed and shoots off at an

    angle.

    Stone flies over. His feet leave the ground. He yells in

    shock as he falls six feet into the inspection pit.

    The sound of his landing THUD is followed by a DOUBLE

    THUD like an axe splitting a log.

    An audible Gasp from Tracy and Jim. Then silence as –

    Tracy and Jim step forward and peer over the edge of the

    pit.

    Short lies on his back, unmoving. His head has hit a tyreless

    car wheel, and blood oozes.

    JIM

    Do you think he’s dead?

    TRACY

    I don’t know, but we’ll have to

    check. He’s a right bastard but we

    have to do something.

    Tracy goes to the corner of the pit to descend the

    ladder. Jim slips past her.

    JIM

    No, no… not you. |I’ll go.

    Jim climbed down the ladder.

    PIT BOTTOM

    Jim crouched down beside Short’s body. He felt short’s

    wrist, then put his fingers across his neck.

    JIM

    (calling up)

    No pulse that I can feel, but I’ve

    never done this before. Do you

    have a mirror?

    Tracy checked her bag and found a mirror. She crouched

    down and leaned over the edge of the pit.

    Jim reached up and took the mirror. He held it under

    Stone’s nose.

    Tracy waited Jim finally climbed out of the pit and

    handed back the mirror.

    JIM

    Now we have to report it – I’m

    sure as I can be he’s dead.

    Tracy looked about to cry. Jim put his arms around her,

    and they stood awhile in a silent embrace. Jim broke apart.

    JIM

    Right, this is what we’ll do.

    We’ll allow ourselves one little

    white lie to make it easier, to

    help keep you out of it. We were

    meeting here, that’s true. I got

    here first, saw the broken lock

    and came in to check things. Okay?

    Trace nods, numbly.

    JIM

    I saw constable Short. We had

    words about what he was doing. He

    turned and retreated, then – all

    the rest etc. Then you arrived.

    TRACY

    Okay, I guess that does no harm,

    and it’s very close to the truth

    and makes further enquiries about

    Marty less likely. I have to think

    about Mary as well.

    Jim nodded and got out his mobile phone.

    JIM

    (into phone)

    Ambulance please, there’s been an

    accident… Someone might be dead.

    And the police, too.

    CUT.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 15, 2022 at 5:40 pm in reply to: Lesson 17

    Benita lesson 17 act three begins key scene

    ACT 111 SCENE 9

    EXT. MARTY’S LOCK UP – DAY

    Constable Short, a canvass bag slung over his shoulder

    glances up at –

    The faded word, HOLMES stencilled at top of one of the double

    doors.

    Short places his hefty pair of BOLT CUTTERS on the ground and

    takes a KEY and pair of GLOVES from his pocket. He puts

    gloves on and inserts a key in the padlock.

    He glances around, picks up bolt cutters and opens the

    door wide enough to enter, and slips inside, pulling to

    door to behind him.

    INT. MARTY’S LOCK UP – DAY (CONTINUOUS)

    Dim, but enough light from the frosted glass at top of the doors

    to see. Facing Constable Short – back of a WHITE VAN. The

    words HOLMES & SON LOCKSMITHS and a telephone number

    printed on the van doors and sides.

    Strong puts his bolt cutters in his canvas bag and walks

    around the van trying the doors. All locked. He turns to

    the CLASSIC CAR beside it. Then glances at the back wall –

    Open metal shelving with a variety of things to do with

    cars, and a huge range of tools. Short rummages along the

    shelves. Nothing interesting. Then he spots –

    A jumbo-sized metal trunk on the floor. Short opens the trunk

    using his bolt cutters.

    Disappointing. A glorified cupboard; electric kettle, old

    mugs stained with caffeine, cleaning gel, a biscuit tin,

    empty.

    Short stands up. He puts his hand to his forehead and thumps

    it several times, thinking. Ah!

    SHORT

    (muttering)

    Underneath my favourite thing.

    Short turns to the classic car. He takes out his TORCH

    and shines it up and down. Then crouches alongside the

    car –

    Underneath, an old TARPAULIN spread out. On it battered

    blue metal TOOLBOX.

    Short opens the toolbox. Nothing but nuts and bolts and

    tools. He shuts it and shines his torch further under the

    car.

    Torch light picks up a TROLLEY on wheels.

    Short pulls out the trolley, lies on it and propels

    himself underneath the car.

    The torch-light flicks as he searches.

    He emerges again and gets off trolley. As he stands

    something triggers. He squats again and feels under the

    tarpaulin. He drags the tarpaulin out from under the car.

    It exposes –

    A long row of floorboards. Short bangs on one of the

    boards. A hollow SOUND. He prizes a floor up (with

    difficulty, failing to see a finger-hole in the board for

    removal). He removes several more.

    A length of wood ladder leads down to an inspection pit.

    Short shines his torch down into the pit.

    A large amount of litter on the floor; crisp packets, old

    wheels without rims. Various bits from cars etc.

    Short places one foot on the ladder. PAUSES. LOOK UP.

    BRIGHT DAY-LIGHT streams through the fully open doors. A

    figure is silhouetted in the doorway. Someone shouts:

    TRACY

    What the bloody hell are you doing

    here?

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 14, 2022 at 4:56 pm in reply to: Lesson 16

    Benita more scenes from Act 11

    Scene 4

    EXT AVENUE – DAY

    Sergeant James walks up the path of no 16 and knocks on the door. The door opens to an elderly lady holding a cat.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    Good morning, madam, sorry to disturb you. There was an incident last night at the big house up the avenue, and I wondered if you’d heard anything untoward at all.

    MRS GARDENER

    Now that you mention it, I might have. I was up in the night with Bella here. She needs medication four hourly. It’s very inconvenient and I’d set the alarm so I know I was up at 2 a.m. I couldn’t get back to sleep and a little after that I did hear a sound from outside, short and sharp. I paid no great attention to it. So not much help, I’m afraid.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    That’s quite alright Madam. Good of you to spare us a moment, thank you.

    He turned and started back down the path.

    MRS GARDENER

    (calling out)

    Perhaps you should ask Michael, he’s always about at that time.

    Sergeant James goes back to her.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    And who is this Michael?

    MRS GARDENER

    He delivers the milk around here, bottled milk is making a comeback, you know, very ecological.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    Do you know the name of his company?

    Sergeant James makes a few notes in his notebook while Mrs gardener disappears inside. She returns and hands him her latest bill.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    Most oblidged, um –

    MRS GARDENER

    I’m Mrs Gardener. And any further help I can –

    SERGEANT JAMES (INTERRUPTING)

    We’ll be in touch. Thank you. Good day, madam.

    Sergeant James returns to the avenue and takes out his phone.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    Gov. Come up with info… Yes. Local milkman may be worth a visit. Got the depot phone number here… Right, I’ll do that. And a Mrs gardener No 16 heard a gunshot around 2 a.m… Yes, I’ll report back later.

    EXT. STREET – DAY

    SERGEANT James stands on the doorstep talking to the milkman,

    MICHAEL, who has answered the doorbell in his dressing

    gown.

    MICHAEL

    (rubbing his eyes)

    How can I help?

    SERGEANT JAMES

    We’re investigating an incident

    that occurred in the small hours

    of last night. Were you anywhere

    near Elm Avenue, say, well,

    between one and three o’clock?

    MICHAEL

    Yes, I guess so, it’s on my round.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    Well, did you see anyone around at

    all? It’s a quiet neighbourhood,

    so anyone moving around would

    surely have stood out.

    MICHAEL

    I don’t think so. The kind of

    people that live there tend to

    keep regular hours. I usually see

    more cate than people, and foxes.

    But let me think… I saw s few

    cars – but, hang on, one thing I

    remember no. I spoke to someone,

    just to say good morning. I passed

    him opening the boot of his car by

    the kerb. Think I made him jump.

    Sergeant James opens his notebook.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    Remember what he looked like?

    MICHAEL

    Didn’t see his face. But I

    remember the car. It was old,

    unusual. A Jowell, I think. Rather

    before my time. I would need to

    see a picture to be sure.

    Sergeant James has already got up google on his phone. He

    shows a picture to Michael.

    CONTINUED:

    22.

    MICHAEL

    Yes, could be. Didn’t see the reg

    number. I was just passing in my

    float.

    MICHAEL

    You’ve been very helpful. We may

    be in touch. Thank you, sir.

    Michael’s front door closes.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 13, 2022 at 4:01 pm in reply to: Lesson 15

    Benita lesson 15 Mid point scene. I needed several scenes to show this

    INT. POLICE INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY (scene 14)

    Marty sits opposite D.I. Green and sergeant James at a

    bare table.

    MARTY

    As I’ve just told you. I took it

    for a run to avoid getting snarled

    up in daytime traffic. And it’s

    been recently taxed and insured.

    Silence.

    MARTY

    What’s this all about?

    D.I. GREEN

    Do you know a George Godwin?

    MARTY

    If you mean the George Godwin who

    is known as something of a

    villain, then no. I don’t know

    him. I am only vaguely aware of

    his name from the newspapers.

    D.I Green turns and smiles knowingly at Sergeant James.

    D.I. GREEN

    (to Marty)

    Strange thing is he was shot and

    killed in his home on the very

    night that you drove to Chigwell.

    In fact you parked pretty much

    round the corner from his place.

    MARTY

    You can’t think that I had

    anything to do with a shooting?

    That’s just not –

    D.I. GREEN (INTERRUPTING)

    No. We don’t think you were there.

    We know you were. In fact, we are

    absolutely sure of it.

    Marty squeezes his hands together in his lap.

    MARTY

    That’s ridiculous. I don’t know

    the guy and I have never touched a

    gun in my life!.. And why would I

    want to kill him?

    D.I. GREEN

    We know you were there, and Godwin

    is dead. What was it, a falling

    out among thieves, perhaps?

    Marty sits back. He puffs out his cheeks and throws up

    his hands, scornful.

    Sergeant James takes over.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    You describe your car as a

    classic, right?

    MARTY

    Yes.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    Do you know how many of those cars

    are still around and registered?

    MARTY

    Very few.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    And the number of them registered

    to addresses in the London area is

    vanishingly small.

    MARTY

    So?

    SERGEANT JAMES

    So, I must say that it’s beyond a

    coincidence that such a car is

    parked near a break in and

    shooting and is owned by, guess

    who… a locksmith.

    Marty fidgets uncomfortably, and avoids looking at him.

    D. I Green leant forward.

    D.I. GREEN

    Not only were we sure you were at

    Chigwell, we are sure you were at

    the house. Not that you left a

    trail of broken locks and

    anything, you are clearly skilled

    at your trade, or whatever you

    call it. Show him, sergeant James

    Sergeant James reached in his pocket and produced a small

    clear plastic evidence bag. He spoke harshly.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    Do you know what this is?

    Marty squints at it through his glasses. He shakes his

    head.

    D.I. GREEN

    As you know George Godwin was shot

    dead in the hall of his house,

    lying on a nice clean polished

    marble floor. Do you know what was

    found alongside the body?

    A long silence hung in the air.

    D.I. GREEN

    You probably don’t know you made a

    mistake. It appears you struggled

    with him and –

    MARTY

    No, I didn’t, I –

    D.I. GREEN

    It was a scuff mark, a smudge on

    the marble from the sole of a shoe

    that contained some specs of dust.

    Not just any old dust. It’s the

    metallic dust of the sort that

    comes from cutting keys.

    (he smiles)

    I reckon you should sweep you

    floors a bit more if you are going

    to go out killing people.

    D. I green turns to Sergeant James.

    D.I. GREEN

    I very much think we’ve got our

    killer,. Eh, Sergeant?

    Marty puts a hand to his forehead and leans over the

    table.

    MARTY

    I, I … Can I have a drink of

    water?

    D. I Green nods at the sergeant. He gets up and leaves

    the room.

    A few minutes pass. Then –

    MARTY

    You’ve got it all wrong. I think I

    want a solicitor. Can I phone my

    wife and …

    In slow motion, Marty slides off the chair to the floor and

    lies there motionless.

    (other scenes)

    Scene 23

    INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – DAY

    Constable Short stands on duty outside Marty’s room.

    Nurse BETH pushes out of Marty’s door with a breakfast

    tray of untouched food.

    Constable short nods at the tray, questioning.

    BETH

    No appetite.

    CONSTABLRE SHORT

    He’s not worse, is he? Boss is

    keen to question him.

    Beth doesn’t reply. She moves away down the corridor.

    Constable Short watches her. She is intercepted by D.I

    Green who is approaching her. They exchange words. He

    shrugs and walks towards Constable short, scowling.

    D.I. GREEN

    Any updates? We’ve heard nothing

    from you, constable.

    CONSTABLRE SHORT

    Not my fault –

    D.I. GREEN (INTERRUPTING)

    It’d better not be!

    D.I. Green pushes open Marty’s door and enters. Constable

    short watches through glass window in door.

    D.I. Green approaches Marty’s bed. Marty’s arm reaches

    out of the bed for the bell on his side table. He grabs

    it and rings

    Beth comes running down the corridor. She reaches Marty’s

    door as D. I. Green comes out.

    BETH

    I must ask you to leave my patient

    alone, Inspector. He could have

    another attack at any time.

    Marty’s door shuts behind her.

    D.I. GREEN

    (to the constable))

    That’s my promotion stumped if he

    does.

    (eyeball to eyeball)

    Don’t even think about yours,

    constable!

    Scene 24

    INT. MARTY’S ROOM – DAY (CONTINUOUS)

    Beth hovers over Marty, checking him.

    BETH

    How are you feeling?

    MARTY

    (subdued)

    Oh, you know, I just want to get

    out of here.

    (glances beyond her

    at the constable

    outside)

    And as far away from him as

    possible.

    BETH

    Lets see what the doctor says.

    It’s early yet, but I think

    there’s a good chance you’ll soon

    be going home. Anything I can get

    you?

    MARTY

    No thanks, you’re very kind.

    (beat)Actually yes. If anything

    happens to me can you do me a bit

    of a favour and pass on a message

    to Tracy? You know, the young woman who came

    in with my wife soon after I got

    here. She works with me.

    Beth moves to adjust his pillows.

    BETH

    No need to talk like that, but,

    yes, of course I can. But you’ve a

    phone in your locker. We can

    charge it up if necessary, and you

    can call her.

    MARTY

    Thanks, but it’s only if something

    happens to me, you know. This May

    sound odd, but just tell her to

    look under my favourite thing.

    She’ll figure it out. Tell me

    that, too, the figuring it out

    bit.

    Beth smiles. She takes a sheet of paper from his tray

    table and makes a note, which she folded and put in her

    pocket. She then left the room.

    Marty relaxes and his eyes close.

    Scene 25

    INT. SHOP – DAY OUTLINE

    BEG: A client wants an unusual key duplicated.

    MID: Tracy finds it in a catalogue and says she’ll

    contact him when she receives it.

    END: Tracy agree to go with Jim to the pub.

    Scene 26

    INT. MARTY’S ROOM – DAY

    Beth comes into Marty’s room. She moves quickly to the

    bed.

    Marty’s face is ashen.

    Beth checks further, then quickly presses the red

    emergence button above his bed.

    She rushes to the door and opens it.

    BETH

    (to constable Short)

    I need help in here. Now!

    Constable short by-passes her and moves to Marty’s

    bedside.

    CONSTABLE SHORT

    What goes on?

    BETH

    Out of here now, you. I think he’s

    had another stroke.

    Constable Short retreats.

    Minutes later, there a flurry of activity in the room as

    a doctor and another nurse join Beth at Marty’s bedside.

    DOCTOR

    It’s another stroke, I’m afraid,

    and a little while ago by the

    looks of it. There’s nothing more

    we can do now. Sadly, he’s gone.

    BETH

    Are you sure? Silly question, but

    the last time I saw him, he seem

    okay.

    DOCTOR

    Strokes are inclined to be

    unpredictable. If it’s any comfort

    I don’t think he wold have known

    anything about it.

    Beth turns away, a tear in her eye.

    DOCTOR

    Thank you everyone. You know what

    you have to do next… Time of

    death…

    They all leave the room.

    The door opens and constable Short comes in. He glances

    at Marty’s body and gets out his phone. His sees –

    An envelope with a name on it, on Marty’s overbed tray.

    He picks it up and stuffs it in his pocket.

    CUT.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 12, 2022 at 5:51 pm in reply to: Lesson 14

    Scene 13

    INT. SHOP – DAY

    Tracy comes out of the stockroom with a mug of coffee.

    She takes up a position behind the counter as the

    Doorbell rings. D. I GREEN and Sergeant JAMES enter the

    shop. They hold up their warrant cards, then snap them

    shut.

    D.I. GREEN

    Police. Is Mr. Holmes here?

    TRACY

    No. Not yet.

    D.I. GREEN

    When do you expect him?

    TRACY

    Wait a minute who exactly are you?

    What do you want? And how do I

    know you are police?

    Green hold out his warrant card.

    D.I. GREEN

    I’m Detective Inspector green, and

    this is Sergeant James.

    TRACY

    I’ve never seen one of those

    before. You could’ve bought it in

    the market for all I know.

    D.I. GREEN

    I think you know very well it’s

    real. Come now tell me your name.

    TRACY

    It’s Tracy. Tracy Hines

    D.I. GREEN

    And you work here. Yes?

    TRACY

    Yes. I do. Have done for nearly a

    year now. I’m doing a sort of

    apprenticeship. I could cut a key

    for you if you like.

    CONTINUED:

    (CONTINUED)

    7.

    Green gives her a hard stare and glances at Sergeant

    James.

    D.I. GREEN

    That won’t be necessary, but a bit

    of co-operation will be. Tell me

    does your boss own an old car, a

    Jowell Javelin?

    Tracy relaxes. She takes a sip of coffee.

    TRACY

    He does, yes, it’s his hobby. He

    does up old classics. Why?

    Tracy’s eyes dart to the door. Marty stands outside.

    The doorbell rings as he enters the shop. He looks ill-atease.

    D.I. GREEN

    Marty Holmes?

    Marty nods. He removes his glasses and wipes them with a

    handkerchief, as the two policemen product their warrant

    cards.

    D.I. GREEN

    D.I. Green and sergeant James.

    Tracy here tells me you own a

    Jowell Javelin is that right?

    MARTY

    Yes, I renovate old cars. The

    Jowell is the latest. What’s this

    about?

    Tracy interrupts.

    TRACY

    I asked that. They wouldn’t tell

    me.

    Green gives her a stern look. Tracy gives him a defiant

    glare.

    D.I. GREEN

    (To Marty)

    And you were driving that car in

    the early hours of yesterday?

    Marty rubs his eyes and puts his glasses back on.

    CONTINUED: (2)

    (CONTINUED)

    8.

    D.I. GREEN

    Well, were you?

    MARTY

    Sorry, yes, I was. I wanted to

    give the car a test run at a time

    when I wouldn’t get embroiled in

    traffic. That’s not a crime and

    I’m pretty sure I didn’t break the

    speed limit.

    D.I. GREEN

    Perhaps not, but it’s what you got

    up to when you parked up in

    Chigwell that I’m interested in. I

    think you’d better come with us.

    We need a word and that needs to

    be done at the station.

    The colour left Marty’s face. He rested his hand on the

    counter for support. Then he drew himself upright and

    looked at Tracy.

    MARTY

    Looks like you’ll have to manage

    the shop for a while Tracy, look

    after things for me … and ring

    Mary and tell her what goes on

    will you?

    Tracy nodded, upset.

    D.I. GREEN

    (To Marty)

    Where’s the car kept?

    MARTY

    In the lock up round the corner.

    Marty was escorted out. The shop door closed behind them.

    Tracy ran to the door and watched them walk away through

    the market, Sergeant James’s hand on Marty’s arm.

    Stallholders looked up as they passed, curious.

    CONTINUED: (3)

    (CONTINUED)

    9.

    Tracy takes out her phone and gets up Mary’s number.

    TRACY

    (Sobbing)

    Mary… Oh, Mary, Marty’s been

    arrested… The police have taken

    him.

    CUT TO:

    EXT. LOCK UP – DAY (scene 13a)

    D.I. Green and Sergeant James stand outside the lock up

    with Marty.

    D.I. GREEN

    Open up.

    Marty unlocks the double doors and pulls them wide open.

    INSIDE LOCK UP

    The shop van and the Jowell are parked side by side.

    Sergeant James checks the Jowell registration number

    against a number in his notebook.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    That looks like it.

    (To Marty)

    Right you. We need to get you to

    the Loughton police station for a

    serious talk.

    MARTY

    Loughton? That’s miles away.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    It’s our base. If you want to make

    a journey, you should stick to

    committing crimes on your own

    patch.

    MARTY

    But it don’t. I don’t know what

    you mean… I…

    FADE

    INT. POLICE INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY (scene 14)

    Marty sits opposite D.I. Green and sergeant James at a

    bare table.

    MARTY

    As I’ve just told you. I took it

    for a run to avoid getting snarled

    up in day time traffic. And it’s

    been recently taxed and insured.

    Silence.

    MARTY

    What’s this all about?

    D.I. GREEN

    Do you know a George Godwin?

    MARTY

    If you mean the George Godwin who

    is known as something of a

    villain, then no. I don’t know

    him. I am only vaguely aware of

    his name from the newspapers.

    D.I Green turns and smiles knowingly at Sergeant James.

    D.I. GREEN

    (to Marty)

    Strange thing is he was shot and

    killed in his home on the very

    night that you drove to Chingwell.

    In fact you parked pretty much

    round the corner from his place.

    MARTY

    You can’t think that I had

    anything to do with a shooting?

    That’s just not –

    D.I. GREEN (INTERRUPTING)

    No. We don’t think you were there.

    We know you were. In fact, we are

    absolutely sure of it.

    Marty squeezes his hands together in his lap.

    MARTY

    That’s ridiculous. I don’t know

    the guy and I have never touched a

    gun in my life!.. And why would I

    want to kill him?

    D.I. GREEN

    We know you were there, and Godwin

    is dead. What was it, a falling

    out among thieves, perhaps?

    Marty sits back. He puffs out his cheeks and throws up

    his hands, scornful.

    Sergeant James takes over.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    You describe your car as a

    classic, right?

    MARTY

    Yes.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    Do you know how many of those cars

    are still around and registered?

    MARTY

    Very few.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    And the number of them registered

    to addresses in the London area is

    vanishingly small.

    MARTY

    So?

    SERGEANT JAMES

    So, I must say that it’s beyond a

    coincidence that such a car is

    parked near a break in and

    shooting and is owned by, guess

    who… a locksmith.

    Marty fidgets uncomfortably, and avoids looking at him.

    D. I Green leant forward.

    D.I. GREEN

    Not only were we sure you were at

    Chingwell, we are sure you were at

    the house. Not that you left a

    trail of broken locks and

    anything, you are clearly skilled

    at your trade, or whatever you

    call it. Show him, sergeant James.

    CONTINUED: (6)

    (CONTINUED)

    12.

    Sergeant James reached in his pocket and produced a small

    clear plastic evidence bag. He spoke harshly.

    SERGEANT JAMES

    Do you know what this is?

    Marty squints at it through his glasses. He shakes his

    head.

    D.I. GREEN

    As you know George Godwin was shot

    dead in the hall of his house,

    lying on a nice clean polished

    marble floor. Do you know what was

    found alongside the body?

    A long silence hung in the air.

    D.I. GREEN

    You probably don’t know you made a

    mistake. It appears you struggled

    with him and –

    MARTY

    No, I didn’t, I –

    D.I. GREEN

    It was a scuff mark, a smudge on

    the marble from the sole of a shoe

    that contained some specs of dust.

    Not just any old dust. It’s the

    metallic dust of the sort that

    comes from cutting keys.

    (he smiles)

    I reckon you should sweep you

    floors a bit more if you are going

    to go out killing people.

    D. I green turns to Sergeant James.

    D.I. GREEN

    I very much think we’ve got our

    killer,. Eh, Sergeant?

    Marty puts a hand to his forehead and leans over th

    table.

    MARTY

    I, I … Can I have a drink of

    water?

    D. I Green nods at the sergeant. He gets up and leaves

    the room.

    CONTINUED: (7)

    13.

    A few minutes pass. Then –

    MARTY

    You’ve got it all wrong. I think I

    want a solicitor. Can I phone my

    wife and …

    In slow motion, Marty slid off the chair to the floor and lay there motionless.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 11, 2022 at 5:35 pm in reply to: Lesson 13

    Benita Lesson 13. Act 2 begins

    Reaction to T.P. scenes.

    EXT. AVENUE – NIGHT

    Marty opens the boot of his old Jowett and puts his (now heavier) holdall inside. He is about to close the boot, when –

    MILKMAN

    Morning.

    The milk-float travels on past. Marty pushes his face lower in the boot and doesn’t acknowledge the cheery greeting.

    Marty shuts the boot, unlocks the car and gets into the driver’s seat.

    INT. MARTY’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

    The door of the washing machine is fully open.

    Marty stands in his underpants at the table. He squirts stain remover over traces of blood on his clothes and bundles them in the washing machine. He adds a soap tablet and glances up at the ceiling. No sound above from Mary. Marty quietly clicks the door shut, and switches the machine on.

    Marty collapses onto a kitchen stool and sinks his head in his hands.

    INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

    The luminous clock on Marty’s bedside table shows 3.15 a.m. Beside it is Marty’s glasses.

    Marty, in his pyjamas, climbs cautiously into bed beside Mary. He lies on his back staring upwards with compressed lips.

    Mary is facing away from Marty. Her eyes open, then shut again, and a slight smile hovers on her lips.

    INT. UTILITY ROOM – DAY

    Portuguese cleaning woman. LOURDES (56) part-fills a bucket in the large sink and lifts it out. She collects a mop and leaves the room.

    INT. HALLWAY – DAY

    Godwin is still lying dead on the floor. Congealed blood has spread across the floor.

    Lourdes comes into the hall with her bucket and mop. She stops. She gasps out loud, retreats several paces and sits on the stairs. She lets go of the bucket and it topples over spilling water on the floor.

    She sees the gun in Godwin’s hand. Her face ashen she hugs her stomach and rocks backwards and forwards. Recovering, she gets up. Her movements slow and deliberate, she walks into the study.

    INT. STUDY – DAY

    Lourdes opens the drinks cabinet and pours herself a glass of Brandy. She downs it in one smooth gulp. She then moves to a side table, picks up the handset and dials 999 on the landline phone.

    LOURDES

    What service, you say? … Which ever one right for someone shot dead.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 10, 2022 at 5:09 pm in reply to: Lesson 12

    Benita. lesson 12. scenes from Act 1. I did this in Final draft but it hasn’t copied correctly.

    ACT 1 SCENE 1

    INT. SITTING ROOM – DAY

    TRACY (20 ) stands with folded arms and a resigned look on her face watching her mother, DIEDRE (42).

    Diedre is applying lipstick and holding a small folding mirror. She snaps the mirror shut and stuffs it into a smart shoulder bag. She is smartly dressed to go out. She glances at Tracy.

    DIEDRE

    Seen enough?

    TRACY

    Do you have to? You were out last night.

    Diedre gives her a hard stare.

    DIEDRE

    Do something about your hair, Tracy. You look a mess. No wonder you’ve got the sack again.

    TRACY

    Excuse me – I left!

    DIEDRE

    I’m not putting up with this much longer, Tracy. You need to start paying your way. And be nice to Roddy. He’ll be here in a minute.

    TRACY

    What happened to Pete?

    DIEDRE

    He didn’t renew his subscription.

    She moves close, confiding.

    DIEDRE

    Roddy’s got a jag. And we’re off to Richmond.

    Tracy smirks.

    DIEDRE

    At least I’ll get a decent meal out of him!

    Tracy smirks again.

    Diedre rounds on her, angry.

    DIEDRE

    He’s not a waste of space like you, my girl!

    They glare at each other.

    The doorbell rings.

    Diedre hurries out of the room. Tracy follows her.

    INT. NARROW HALLWAY – DAY

    Diedre opens the front door, beaming. RODERICK HOOK (29) enters. He kisses Diedre on the cheek, looking beyond her at Tracy. Tracy pulls a face.

    Diedre bundles him out again. She turns and blows Tracy a mock kiss.

    DIEDRE

    Bye, darling.

    The door closes behind them.

    Trace stares hard at the closed door. She sighs. Straightens up and gives herself a shake. She reaches for a very short summer jacket and slips it on over her orange tee shirt. Her jeans are ripped and she wears short brown boots. She opens the front door and leaves the flat.

    Act 1 as Tracy walks through the market.

    FLASHBACK.

    STORE. Tracy is breaking up cardboard boxes used for displays of produce etc. She throws a wedge of cardboard into a bin someway down the aisle and misses. Tracy giggles. Her supervisor appears. She points at the door. Tracy shrugs, removes her tabard, throws it down and walks out.

    HAIRDRESSERS. Tracy is sweeping hair off the floor. She Stops and helps a customer unwind a curler from her hair. It gets entangled. The hairstylist tells Tracy off. Tracy storms out.

    CAR PARK. Tracy, in the ticket booth. She puts her hands over CAR PARK. Tracy, in ticket booth. She puts her hands over her ears at obscenities from enraged man outside booth.

    Later scene going for a coffee with Marty.

    INT, CAFÉ – DAY

    The popular market café is crowded. Marty sitting opposite Tracy has to lean forward to hear her. They talk as they drink their coffee.

    MARTY

    So, Tracy, tell me about yourself.

    Tracy shrugs.

    TRACY

    Won’t take long.

    Marty looks at his watch. He surreptitiously glances around at two men sitting a few tables behind them. He turns back and sips his coffee and looks at Tracy, waiting.

    Tracy takes a deep breath.

    TRACEY

    I live with my Mum in a rubbish flat in Islington. Dad left when I was eleven. He was a carpenter, and he went off with an American client to the States.(beat) Okay I’ll be honest with you. I’ve few qualifications, and just finished a trial period with the worst supermarket job in the world. But I need a job and have to find something interesting or I’ll die of boredom.

    MARTY

    What I do is quite technical in a way, you know it’s –

    TRACY

    Yes, yes, but it sounds interesting and I want to learn. I didn’t do well at school but I’m not stupid. Actually, I think I’m quite bright. I’ll smarten up a bit. And I like making things. I’m good with my fingers.

    Marty sits back and takes a long slow sip of his coffee, contemplating.

    MARTY

    I guess that means you are manually dexterous. I have to say I imagined that anyone I took on would be a little older – and have a technical qualification of some sort.

    Marty’s phone rings.

    MARTY

    Sorry, must take this… What’s that, love?..Yes, I know. Yes. I’m in the café now. I’m actually interviewing a possible apprentice…Later, yes. Bye.

    Marty puts the phone down. He smiles at Tracy who looks anxious.

    MARTY

    My wife, Mary.(beat) You know what, Tracy, I think we might make it work. I like that you’ve been honest and seem ready for a challenge. I’m not getting any younger and want someone to learn the trade and help with everything.

    Trace clasps her hands in front of her face and grins.

    MARTY

    Start on Monday and I’ll give you a week’s money at the end of the first week before going on a monthly basis. Write down your name and address and phone number and I’ll give you a formal confirmation when you come in on Monday. Sharp mind. On the dot. That’s rule one.

    He smiles.

    TRACY

    Okay. Thanks for giving me a chance Mr…Marty. Monday, 9 o’clock.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 9, 2022 at 5:42 pm in reply to: Lesson 11

    Benita. Lesson 11. TURNING POINT. I found that I needed a few extra scenes.

    ACT 1 Scenes leading up to T.P.

    INT. PUB – DAY

    After work, Marty overhears two men talking about GEORGE GODWIN, a wealthy villain who has gone away on holiday. Marty takes note that his mansion will be empty.

    INT. MARTY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

    Marty tells Mary he is going out on a ‘little expedition.’ Mary says she needs the car. Marty will have to use his vintage car.

    EXT. LOCK-UP – NIGHT

    Marty tests his vintage car, then drives out of the lock-up into the street.

    INT/EXT. AVENUE – NIGHT

    Marty drives slowly past George Godwin’s mansion, looking to see if the drive is empty. He parks his car some distance further down the avenue. Marty gets out of his car. He is dressed in dark clothes. A holdall is slung across his back. He glances around. No-one about. He walks towards George’s house.

    EXT. FRONT OF MANSION – NIGHT

    Marty walks cautiously down the short drive. He keeps close to the laurel bushes and moves around to the back of the house.

    TURNING POINT SCENE.

    INT. STUDY – NIGHT

    A torchlight shines across the carpeted floor. Marty, jacket hood up, walks slowly, placing one foot in front of the other, his shoes are enclosed in plastic bags. His holdall is on his back. Marty swings his torch. The light picks up –

    Glass-topped desk with a large computer and a mass of computer kit. A bookcase with one book.

    Marty moves closer and shines the torch on wall. He scrutinises a picture of the Algarve. The picture is fastened to the wall and hinged. Marty swings the picture. It reveals the black mass door of a safe.

    Marty holds his breath, listening. The muffled sound of a dog barks in the distance. Marty swings his holdall to the floor. He adjusts his glasses and gets to work opening the safe.

    LATER

    Marty locks the safe and replaces the picture. He slings the holdall on his back and retraces his steps to the door.

    INT. Hall – night

    Marty walks briskly towards the front door. Stairs curve upwards to his right. He reaches out to open the door, when –

    The door flies open.

    The tall figure of George Godwin fills the doorway. He is outlined against light flooding in from an overhead lamp outside. George’s shoulder bag slips off and falls to the floor.

    Marty freezes in shock.

    George reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a gun.

    Marty’s hand grips his torch. He starts shaking, rooted to the spot.

    George points the gun, menacingly.

    GEORGE Move.

    Marty takes a step forward in panic. Both men move forward at the same time. Marty loses his footing and slips sideways. The bodies of both men entwine.

    The gun is sandwiched between them.

    BANG!

    George falls away and slumps to the floor.

    Marty steps back. Blood oozes down the front of his hooded jacket. He stares down at the floor.

    George is lying still, one arm stretched out. The gun is in a loose hold in his fingers.

    A profound silence.

    Marty’s chest heaves as his breathing returns.

    The sound of a sharp CLICK.

    Marty jerks upright, eyes staring in terror.

    The hall dims. The overhead lamp outside has switched off.

    Marty shines his torch down on George’s crumpled body. There is no movement.

    Marty goes to the open door and peers out. The light comes on again., It shows George’s wheeled suitcase. Marty lifts the suitcase into the hall and closes the door.

    The light switches off again.

    Marty shines his torch onto George’s body. He squats down and feels for a pulse at George’s neck. He nudges George’s shoulder. No sign of life.

    Marty stands. He glances at the front door and shakes his head. He turns and heads towards the kitchen.

    INT. UTILITY ROOM – NIGHT.

    Marty unlocks the back door and slips outside.

    EXT. BACK GARDEN – NIGHT

    Marty makes his way to a side gate. He opens the gate and closes it behind him. Outside, Marty pulls off his gloves, removes his plastic shoe coverings and stuffs them in his pockets. CUT.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 8, 2022 at 11:37 am in reply to: Lesson 10

    Benita. Lesson 10 …….. INCITING INCIDENT. This made me add an important scene – a reaction. And I love the idea of an arc for each scene.

    INCITING INCIDENT, Tracy sees a notice for an apprentice in Locksmith’s window.

    INT. SHOP – DAY

    BEGINNING: Tracy enters the shop. She stands watching MARTY grinding a key for a customer. Another customer waits in the queue.

    MIDDLE: The customers depart. Tracy tells Marty she thinks she’s interested in the apprenticeship vacancy. He scrutinises her and doesn’t look impressed. She apologises for her appearance. It’s midmorning. Marty takes a risk and asks Trace if she fancies a cuppa at the café and a chat.

    END: Tracy agrees. Tracy and Marty leave the shop.

    EXT. MARKET – DAY

    BEGINNING: Tracy walks through the bustling market with Marty.

    MIDDLE: Tracy notices how popular Marty is, as stallholders greet him along the way. She is watched by vegetable stall assistant JIM. Jim stands behind his stall twisting a rubric cube. He drops the cube, grabs an orange and holds it out to Tracy as she passes. Tracy ignores him.

    END. Marty and Tracy reach the market café and enter.

    INT. CAFÉ – DAY

    BEGINNING: While drinking coffee, Tracy tells Marty a little about herself.

    MIDDLE: Marty explains that he doesn’t just want someone to serve behind the counter, he wants someone to learn the trade and help him. And that much of their work will be outside away from the shop with customers.

    END: Tracy says that she’s willing to give it a go. They arrange that she will start on trial, on Monday.

    TRACY’S REACTION SCENE

    EXT. MARKET – DAY

    Tracy walks through the market, her head held high and with a lighter step. She smiles at Jim and gives him a half-wave.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 7, 2022 at 5:36 pm in reply to: Lesson 9

    Benita. Lesson 9. Opening and character introductions. It was good to make a start on scenes.

    ACT 1 ……. TRACY

    INT. FLAT SITTING ROOM – DAY

    BEGINNING: TRACY’s mother, Diedre is fixing her hair to go out. She is cross with Tracy, who looks scruffy and has been sacked again from her latest job.

    MIDDLE: Tracy retaliates. They have a short row. This scenario is nothing new.

    END: Diedre leaves still bristling. Her daughter has ruined the start of her evening, again! Tracy grimaces at herself in the mirror and leaves flat, slamming the door.

    ACT 11…… CONSTABLE STRONG

    INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR -DAY

    BEGINNING: CONSTABLE STRONG follows D. I. GREEN and SERGEANT JAMES up the corridor. They are led by nurse, SARAH who stops at the door of a private room. She opens the door and enters the room with D.I. Green.

    MIDDLE: Sergeant James turns to Constable Strong and informs him that he has failed his sergeant’s exam. His duty now is to stand outside and guard the door. Sergeant James enters the room and the door closes.

    END: Constable Strong grinds his teeth in annoyance. He removes his phone and gets up a gambling website. He gasps when he sees a notification that he has overrun his credit.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 7, 2022 at 12:21 pm in reply to: Lesson 8

    Benita. lesson 8 Theme an antagonist journey. My theme is already sorted. I have now added:

    Antagonist, Constable Strong –

    ACT 1. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – DAY

    … D.I. JAMES informs Constable Strong that he has failed his Sergeant’s exam.

    ACT 1 EXT. MARKET – DAY

    Two ‘heavies’ approach Constable Strong. He tries to evade them. They pull him into an alley and threaten him.

    I have also added. Jim –

    ACT 1. EXT. MARKET – DAY

    Behind his stall, Jim is playing with a rubric cube. LATER same location. The rubric cube completed is on a chair behind the stall.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 6, 2022 at 4:09 pm in reply to: Lesson 7

    Benita Lesson 7 – BEATS. I found working out the scenes really useful. Not sure if I was that speedy!

    ACT 1

    INT. FLAT HALL-WAY – DAY

    Opening: TRACY’s mother, fixing her hair to go out, berates a scruffy Tracy (22) about not earning money to help with household expenses. She leaves. Tracy leaves soon after.

    EXT. MARKET – DAY

    Tracy walks through the market, disgruntled.

    PLACE HOLDER FLASHBACK: Three scenes with Tracy at various boring jobs, where she either leaves or is sacked.

    EXT. MARKET – DAY

    Vegetable stall holder assistant, JIM (24) oodles Tracy as she passes. She does not notice him. Tracy passes a row of small shops. Halts at locksmith’s shop. In the window: APPRENTICE WANTED. A long pause, and then Tracy enters the shop INCITING INCIDENT.

    INT. SHOP – DAY

    MARTY (65) greets Tracy. They talk about the vacancy and Marty suggests going for a coffee.

    EXT. MARKET – DAY

    Popular Marty is greeted by stallholders, and Jim watches Tracy as they go by.

    INT. CAFÉ – DAY

    Marty explains the job requirements. Tracy signs a contract.

    INT. SHOP – DAY

    Tracy learns on the job. She proves competent. But begins to suspect Marty has other interests.

    EXT. MARKET – DAY

    Tracy phones her mother on her mobile. A happier conversation. Tracy acknowledges Jim with a half-smile.

    INT. PUB – NIGHT

    Marty overhears two men talking about GEORGE GODWIN, a wealthy criminal who is going on holiday.

    INT. MARTY’S HOUSE – NIGHT.

    Marty drops a hint to his wife MARY (58), that he is going out on a ‘little expedition,’

    PLACEHOLDER : Marty leaves his vintage car. He robs Godwin’s mansion. Has encounter with Godwin. Gunshot.

    ACT 11

    EXT. AVENUE – DAY

    POLICE interview a neighbour who heard the shot. A milkman has seen Marty’s vintage car.

    INT. MARTY’S HOUSE – DAY

    Marty is arrested. Mary is questioned.

    INT. SHOP – DAY

    Tracy is interviewed.

    INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

    While being interviewed Marty has a heart attack.

    INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

    Mary and Tracy visit Marty. Marty confesses everything. When they leave, Mart writes two notes to Tracy to be read when he ‘is no longer there.’ Marty gives one to nurse SARAH (30)

    INT. CORRIDOR -DAY

    CONSTABLE STRONG (50) fed up, is on guard outside Marty’s private room. He is gambling on his mobile phone. He loses heavily (again).

    INT. SHOP – DAY

    Constable Strong is convinced Marty is hiding stolen money. He gets tough with Tracy but stops when Jim enters the shop.

    ACT 111 MIDPOINT Marty dies in the hospital.

    INT. MARTY’S HOUSE. – DAY

    Mary wants Tracy to take over the shop as manager and gives her the key to Marty’s lockup. They discuss arrangements for Mary’s funeral.

    INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

    The police decide to drop Marty’s case. Constable Strong finds Marty’s second note to Tracy and keeps it.

    INT. CAFÉ – DAY

    Tracy has a proposal for STEVE, Marty’s locksmith’s friend. They make an agreement whereby she can continue her apprenticeship.

    INT. SHOP – DAY

    Constable strong arrives at the shop. He threatens Tracy and attempts to search Marty’s office. Jim saves her again and Tracy confides in him. She tells him about Marty.

    INT. MARKET – DAY

    Constable Strong is booed through the market by stallholders.

    INT. MARTY’S LOCKUP – DAY

    Tracy and Jim investigate. They find Marty’s vintage car and a deep (mechanics) pit. They decided to return the following day.

    INT. MARTY’S LOCKUP – FOLLOWING DAY

    Constable Strong lets himself in to investigate. He is interrupted by Tracy and Jim. Following a confrontation with Jim, Strong falls (fatally) into the pit. They call the police.

    INT. HOSPITAL -DAY

    Sarah, returning from holiday finds Marty’s note to Tracy still in her uniform pocket.

    INT. SHOP – DAY

    Sarah gives the note to Tracy.

    PLACEHOLDER. Tracy phones Mary.

    ACT 1V

    INT. MARTY’S HOUSE – DAY

    Mary invites Tracy and Marty to lunch.

    INT. FLAT – DAY

    Jim meets Diedre. She goes out and Jim helps Tracy find the owner of the jewels on his laptop.

    INT. MARTY’S HOUSE -DAY

    Tracy and Jim tell Mary the owner, FIONA MACDONALD lives in Scotland. Mary surprises Tracy by being Marty’s accomplice all along. She arranges an appointment with Fiona in Scotland.

    EXT. STATION – DAY

    Trace, Jim and Mary (in disguise) bord train for Scotland.

    INT. HIRE CAR – DAY

    Mary leaves car at drive entrance to manor. Trace and Jim worry about her long absence. They kiss.

    INT. MANOR HOUSE – DAY

    Fiona gratefully accepts jewels. She tells Mary she had spoken to the police. After worry Mary learns it wasn’t to betray her, and she has made up another story about the jewels being returned on her doorstep.

    INT. MARTY’S HOUSE – DAY

    Mary gives Tracy the money. Marty would have wanted her to have it.

    INT. TRACY AND JIM’S FLAT – DAY (TWO MONTH’S LATER)

    Tracy is teaching Jim how to mend a safe. They discuss Tracy’s last meeting with Mary. Mary had hinted that Tracy might like to take on some other of Marty’s interests. Tracy tells Jim, she will ‘think about it.’

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 4, 2022 at 10:55 am in reply to: Lesson 6

    Benita. Lesson 6 …Transformational events. I have added two extra character traits to my protagonist ‘old ways.’

    1 Having failed when given unworthy jobs, Tracy actively goes looking for one. By doing this she accepts that life owes her nothing. Tracy responds to an advert.

    2 Tracy learns fast and grows to respect and like her boss, Marty. Marty takes her to a client’s house to learn how to mend a safe.

    3 Harmony is restored between Tracy and her mother. Tracy shows her mother that she can unlock a safe, and Tracy hands over her wages to pay household bills.

    4 Tracy becomes friendly with Mary. They bond over Marty’s funeral arrangements.

    5 Distrustful of men, Tracy gets to like Jim. Jim saves her from Constable Strong.

    6 No longer restless and unfulfilled, Tracy manages the shop, repairs safes and discovers Marty’s hiding place.

    7 Tracy shows she can be loyal. Tracy defies constable Strong and does not betray Marty.

    8 Tracy does a good deed. Tracy assists in returning stolen jewels.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 3, 2022 at 4:18 pm in reply to: Lesson 4

    Benita. Lesson 4 Characters interviews. I enjoyed ‘speaking’ as my two characters.

    TRACY – PROTAGONIST

    I live with my mother in North London in a two-bed flat. My father walked out on us when I was two. He had a market stall as a watch repairer although I never knew him. He divorced mum and married an American visitor and went back to the states with her. Mum works as a sports centre receptionist, where she dates fit young guys and gets large tips. She dresses glam and goes out a lot. I’m a disappointment and a waste of space who doesn’t contribute to the household pot. I need a worthwhile job, not the rubbish I’ve been offered so far. It’s not my fault I left school with no qualifications. We had rotten teachers who couldn’t be bothered with me. I’d rather twist bits of wire or bang in nails and make something rather than analyse stupid books written by someone in the 18th century. I was told that I had no patience and couldn’t concentrate. Well, I know I could if it was something I really wanted to do. I loved making things with plasticine and clay as a kid, ‘till mum got fed up with the mess. When I find some job that interests me, I won’t stop until I make enough money to be independent of mum and have a decent life. And that doesn’t include relying on marriage or men. Even the boys I have gone out with have been rubbish,

    CONSTABLE STRONG – ANTAGONIST

    It was my name, wasn’t it? Strong. Though my old man was anything but, being weak-chested and dying young. It was my mother wanting me to go into the forces and prove myself that made me join the police. Couldn’t do with actually killing anyone! Don’t mind acting tough and pushing villains around a bit. Take pride in locking them up. Not many get the better of me. Must be something in my psyche that makes me not like people much. Well, that’s their lookout. It’s not so much I want a promotion after twenty years of service. I’m no brain box, but being given boring jobs like surveyance is driving me nuts. Mind you, that’s what I probably am. I’ve got this addition. Got it out of boredom. Went online on my phone while sitting around for hours. It’s got me into trouble. I can’t sleep nights I owe so much money. It’s gambling debts, see. Got geezers to pay off and they have no respect for bobbies like me. It’s now or never. I won’t be here no more if I don’t get the money to repay them.

    Benita 4-Act Structure. This really made me get the story down.

    ACT 1 …. 25 pages

    BEGINNING. At home, TRACY quarrels with her mother and sets out through the market to find a job. A young market stallholder, JIM, fancies her but fails to catch her attention.

    INCITING INCIDENT. Tracy spots an advertisement in a locksmith’s shop for an apprentice. The owner, MARTY, an elderly man, interviews her. Marty likes her, they get on well and he teaches her the trade. Tracy learns fast. She also begins to suspect that Marty, apart from his love of ancient cars, has interests elsewhere. Marty introduces Tracy to his wife MARY. and establishes Tracy in a partnership.

    TURNING POINT. Marty’s unblemished record as a petty thief/safe breaker ends when a robbery goes badly wrong and ends in a death.

    ACT 11 ….. 20 pages

    REACTION. The police get involved. Marty’s unusual car is a giveaway, and Marty is suspected. While being interviewed at the police station Marty has a heart attack. Tracy and Mary visit him in hospital. He is guarded by unpleasant CONSTABLE STRONG. Marty confesses all to Mary and Tracy and writes notes to be given to them when he’s ‘no longer there.’ Constable Strong needs money for gambling debts. He believes Marty has hidden his gains, and he visits Tracy in the shop. Before he can get really tough with Tracy, Jim enters as a customer and Constable Strong leaves.

    MIDPOINT. Marty dies in hospital.

    ACT 111… … 20 pages

    Tracy helps Mary with the funeral, and Mary’s sister comes to stay with her. The police move on to other cases. But C. Strong, who has stolen one of Marty’s notes left for Tracey, keenly follows up a lead. Tracy initiates a favour from STEVE, Marty’s locksmith friend, and learns more about mending safes. Tracy is again threatened by C. Strong who demands to search the shop. Jim saves her. Tracy tells him about Marty and Jim accompanies her to Marty’s lockup (part of the shop’s assets). They discover an old car and a mechanic’s pit. Returning the following day, they find C Strong snooping around. After a confrontation, C. Strong falls into the pit. They call the police, who treat his death as accidental. Marty’s hospital nurse returns from holiday. She gives Tracy a note from Marty that she’d forgotten about. Tracy finds Marty’s hidden safe in the pit and Jim solves the clue to unlocking it.

    TURNING POINT. The safe contains, a large sum of cash and a bag of jewels.

    ACT 1V ….. 25 pages

    Marty has left Tracy full control of the business. Tracy and Mary decide that they must return the jewels to their rightful owner. Mary confesses to being Marty’s accomplice all along. Jim helps Tracy to find the owner of the jewels. Mary sets up an appointment and they all journey to a Scottish mansion to meet the owner. Mary, in disguise, gives back the jewels. Mary tells Tracy, Marty would have wanted her to have the money. Tracy and Jim buy a small flat and Tracy starts teaching Jim the trade. In answer to Mary’s hint that she might like to take on some of Marty’s ‘other pursuits,’ Tracy replies, that she’ll ‘think about it.’

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 2, 2022 at 12:35 pm in reply to: Lesson 4

    Benita. Lesson 4 Characters interviews. I enjoyed ‘speaking’ as my two characters.

    TRACY – PROTAGONIST

    I live with my mother in North London in a two-bed flat. My father walked out on us when I was two. He had a market stall as a watch repairer although I never knew him. He divorced mum and married an American visitor and went back to the states with her. Mum works as a sports centre receptionist, where she dates fit young guys and gets large tips. She dresses glam and goes out a lot. I’m a disappointment and a waste of space who doesn’t contribute to the household pot. I need a worthwhile job, not the rubbish I’ve been offered so far. It’s not my fault I left school with no qualifications. We had rotten teachers who couldn’t be bothered with me. I’d rather twist bits of wire or bang in nails and make something rather than analyse stupid books written by someone in the 18th century. I was told that I had no patience and couldn’t concentrate. Well, I know I could if it was something I really wanted to do. I loved making things with plasticine and clay as a kid, ‘till mum got fed up with the mess. When I find some job that interests me, I won’t stop until I make enough money to be independent of mum and have a decent life. And that doesn’t include relying on marriage or men. Even the boys I have gone out with have been rubbish,

    CONSTABLE STRONG – ANTAGONIST

    It was my name, wasn’t it? Strong. Though my old man was anything but, being weak-chested and dying young. It was mother wanting me to go in the forces and prove myself that made me join the police. Couldn’t do with actually killing anyone! Don’t mind acting tough and pushing villains around a bit. Take pride in locking them up. Not many get the better of me. Must be something in my psyche makes me not like people much. Well, that’s their lookout. It’s not so much I want promotion after twenty years of service. I’m no brain-box but being given boring jobs like surveyance is driving me nuts. Mind you, that’s what I probably am. I’ve got this addition. Got it out of boredom. Went online on my phone while sitting around for hours. It’s got me into trouble. I can’t sleep nights I owe so much money. It’s gambling debts, see. Got geezers to pay off and they have no respect for bobbies like me. It’s now or never. I won’t be here no more if I don’t get the money to repay them.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    December 1, 2022 at 10:20 am in reply to: Lesson 3

    Benita. Lesson 3 Part two Character Profile. I learned to consider Irony and subtext.

    What draws us to Tracy?

    TRAITS. Her vulnerability. Courage. Willingness to learn and better herself.

    SUBTEXT. She hides the fact that she left school with no qualifications (expelled). Puts on an air of bravado. Suspects that her boss is up to something but says nothing.

    FLAW. A rebellious nature makes Tracy her own worst enemy.

    VALUES. Being taken seriously. Kindness. Loyalty to those she respects.

    IRONY. She has more respect for a thief than a corrupt cop. She will never betray her boss.

    WHAT MAKES HER THE ONE? She is an innocent with no high morals. Yet she sets out to right an injustice. She will do what it takes to get the most out of life.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    November 29, 2022 at 5:09 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

    Assignment 2. Who are we travelling with?

    Benita Cullingford, from St Albans, Hertfordshire, UK

    I learnt to analyse my main character, particularly her wound.

    DREAMER. Tracy. She expects more from life, not realising that it’s up to her to find a way to achieve her role in life, whatever it may be.

    VILLIAN. Constable Short. With a chip on his shoulder, failed promotion and severe gambling debts, this policeman will go to any lengths to re-steal from a thief, with dire consequences.

    OTHER CHARACTERS.

    Supporting:

    MARTY, part-protagonist. Tracy’s boss

    MARY. Marty’s wife

    JIM. Tracy’s boyfriend.

    Minor roles:

    DI Green

    Sergeant Green

    Steve, locksmith

    Betty, Mary’s sister

    Rhona Macdonald

    Doctor

    Nurse

    GENRE … Crime drama


    PROTAGONIST’S PROFILE

    ROLE. Main character. Coming of Age.

    AGE/DESCRIPTION. 22 years. Short haircut (man style). Scruffily dressed.

    INT, J. Fulfilment. Perfection of a craft.

    EXT. J. Finds the right boss and craft, and more?

    MOTIVATION. Work hard to make her boss proud of her.

    WOUND. Underachiever at school. No close friendships.

    AGENDA. Perfect a new craft.

    SECRET. There is more to her amiable boss than meets the eye!

    SPECIAL. A young female who perfects the skills of a locksmith.

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    November 28, 2022 at 5:46 pm in reply to: Lesson 1

    Benita Cullingford

    First assignment… Transition

    Main character, Bolshie young TRACY

    INTERNAL JOURNEY: From feeling there is more to life than mind-numbing meaningless jobs, putting up with authoritarian incompetence, living with a nagging mother, and generally being unhappy, Tracy’s EXTERNAL JOURNEY leads to a happier self-awareness, creative fulfilment and manager/ part-ownership of a successful locksmith shop.

    OLD WAYS:

    Expects life to owe her.

    Disrespectful of authority she doesn’t agree with.

    Unprepared to accept second best

    Restless and unfulfilled

    NEW WAYS:

    Accepts life will only improve if she puts in the work.

    Learns to care about others and accept their friendship

    Life is more than material.

    Good people can do ‘not so good’ things.

    Becomes efficient at a worthwhile craft and learns more than she expects!

  • Benita Cullingford

    Member
    November 28, 2022 at 3:56 pm in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

    Benita Cullingford

    I agree to the terms of this release form.

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