Benito Selim
Forum Replies Created
-
Benito Selim’s Description
What I learned doing this assignment is short and to the point can be more effective. Less is more in most cases since it will keep the reader guessing and won’t become predictable or worse, boring.
For my original script, the beginning deals with a protest of a housing development. Aside from the dialogue there is a death scene with the site’s foreman being attacked by two alligators, he fights them until they overpower him and kill him. There is a lot of description since a fight ensues, I have reduced some in the past but need to do more since I felt I kept taking things out that needed to belong. This is still a learning process.
I have moved on the rest of the script. The issues I do run into is cutting down the detail describing the swamp surroundings and the attacks from the alligators and pythons. I am constantly reminding myself less is more but being a horror script, I feel more detail is needed.
This exercise is helping in moving the story along since my re-write has cut down three pages in my first ten pages and getting the story visualized to the reader a lot quicker. I still have some to cut down, but this is a great start.
-
Benito Selim’s Amazing Opening.
What I learned doing this assignment is your opening is everything and just as crucial as your ending. With the opening though, this is what gets the script into production and made. It is also the calling card for actors to attach themselves to your script and want to be a part of the movie being made.
ORIGINAL OPENING
In my original script and Rewrite I still begin with the protest at the construction site. The protest is against the construction company building the new housing development but disturbing the natural habitat. When I re-read the opening, I notice I gave away key information that ruined the story and gave away twists too early.
The new opening is still an attention grabber and I decided to add a montage to give more insight of the story.
REWRITTEN OPENING
OPENING MONTAGE
–Several NEWS CLIPS and VARIOUS SHOW CLIPS of animals attacking each other and people.
NEWS REPORTER #1
With no apparent motive the alligator attacked the car, as the victim fled the vehicle the alligator caught him.
–Florida news channel airs different stories of animal attacks.
–A dead body and battered car
–Several snakes flood a residential street
–An alligator breaks through a residential home front door.
NEWS REPORTER #2
Several reptile specialists along with animal cleared nearly a dozen snakes, all wild. The snakes appeared agitated and struck at several people.
END OPENING MONTAGE
EXT. FLORIDA HOUSING DEVELOPMENT- DAY
PROTESTERS block TRACTORS and WORKERS from entering. MEDIA VANS arrive, A REPORTER jumps out of one. MARTY LONG, 40’s construction foreman, attempts to clear the scene.
MARTY
People, we can answer your questions, if you just move aside and let my crew in.
The protesters and media ignore his request. Reporters, shove MICROPHONES into Marty’s face.
REPORTER #1
Is it true, your company is disturbing a natural habitat?
REPORTER #2
There have been reports, this site is leaking pollutants into the land. What is your take?
MARTY
These are just speculations. Now, please we got work to do.
A protester steps up to Marty.
PROTESTER
You’re pushing animals and reptiles out of their homes. Are you aware of that?
MARTY
We take the proper precautions.
PROTESTER
They’re moving into neighborhoods nearby.
POLICE and SHERIFFS DEPARTMENT arrive. OFFICERS and DEPUTIES, disperse the crowd.
An officer pulls the protester away, he yells to Marty.
PROTESTER
Attacking people, even when they’re not hungry. Your shitty company is gonna pay for this.
The officer puts the protester into his SQUAD CAR and walks to Marty.
OFFICER
If ya’ll need us back out here. Just give a holler.
Marty nods, the two exit in opposite directions.
EXT/INT. FOREMAN TRAILER- LATER
Marty walks up THE STAIRS to his OFFICE. ALLIGATOR #1, sleeps under, its awakes to footsteps.
OFFICE- LATER
Marty talks on THE PHONE.
MARTY
Construction will stay on time, I promise. We had the short delay today. Some bullshit about animals. Everything is fine, look I got to go.
Marty hangs up the phone, and moves ITEMS around the trailer.
UNDER THE TRAILER- CONTINUOUS
Alligator #1 grows irritated and knocks THE STAIRS with his TAIL.
SOUND: MEDAL CRASHING
Marty turns to the door and runs to it. Alligator #1 breaks through THE TRAILER FLOOR.
Marty throws FURNITURE and RANDOM OBJECTS at alligator #1.
Alligator #1 catches A CHAIR Marty throws. Marty gets around the alligator to reach the door. Alligator #1 breaks THE CHAIR in half.
EXT. FOREMAN TRAILER- CONTINUOUS
Marty steps out and falls to the ground. As Marty jumps to his feet, ALLIGATOR #2 stands before him.
SOUND: ALLIGATOR SNARL
Marty jumps back against the trailer. Alligator #1 bites down on him to his STOMACH.
SOUND: SCREAMS
Alligator #1 pulls Marty back into the trailer.
CONSTRUCTION CREW MEMBERS run to the trailer. Only A POOL OF BLOOD and SPRAYED BLOOD on a the trailer are visible.
The crew members stop in their tracks. One vomits as the rest stare in shock.
A RIVER OF BLOOD FLOWS into a nearby CREEK.
-
Benito Selim’s Amazing 3<sup>rd</sup> act
What I learned doing this assignment is the end is everything. A horrible ending despite who is in it or how well acted it is will leave a bad impression with the audience. I totally side with this as I feel I wasted my time watching a movie only for it to end bad.
The end wraps up everything and should be a great send off of your story and answer any questions the audience has.
1<sup>st</sup> ACT
A huge protest take place against a construction company building a new housing community. Protesters are angry that construction is disturbing the natural habitat and causing animals (primarily reptiles to attack people.
Later the sites foreman is brutally killed by two alligators. The police are completely overwhelmed with the attacks and bring in the sheriff to assist.
Sisters Kayla and Lynette prepare to go visit their parents for spring break, Kayla has other plans to skip and go with her friends Megan and Candy to Key West, adding to their already strained relationship.
The Sheriff brings in assistance from a reptile Dr. named Aaron. Aaron discovers an unknown substance and takes a sample back to his lab.
Lynette informs Kayla the trip home has been cancelled. Kayla convinces Lynette to come along. Back at the university lab, Aaron tests the unknown substance discovered as a new environmentally safe paint. Upon running tests, he finds the paint makes reptiles aggressive and attack.
2<sup>nd</sup> ACT
The girls make their way to Key West and take a detour in the Everglades. Park Ranger Paul does his rounds when he encounters the aggressive Alligators, he must act fast since they have entered the park.
The girls leave the park but become stranded deep in the everglades when they take a wrong turn, and their car breaks down. The Alligators find their way to the girls and stalk them as they try and escape from the everglades. The girls encounter the possibility of giant pythons.
Ranger Paul organizes his crew to track down the alligators but must be inconspicuous since his boss Hal will jump the gun and cause panic. Hal calls a meeting but needs to run an errand, unfortunately he encounters a family of Pythons (1,2,3 and 4) and killed.
The alligators catch up to the girls but are now joined by the pythons. Megan is killed in the process.
The Sheriff and Aaron arrive at the everglades to inform the rangers of their findings and join them in the hunt for the girls. The remaining girls fend off the alligators and pythons while managing to find shelter in a maintenance shack.
As the girls hold out for help Ranger Paul and Aaron locate them but become trapped as well. all of them ban together to fight for their lives.
3<sup>rd</sup> ACT
EXT. MEGAN’S CAR- LATER
Ranger Banks and Dr. Lender arrive to Megan’s car. Banks finds her ID and calls it in, both men observe the area as it’s surrounded by water. Banks questions where they could have gone.
EXT. SWAMP TREE- LATER
The pythons have left but the alligators remain. Candy’s leg is severely infected, she decides to sacrifice it to the alligators so they can get away.
EXT. EVERGLADES PARK ENTRANCE- LATER
Ranger Banks and Dr. Lender meet back up with Sheriff Randal and Rangers Sims and Baker. Banks, Lender, and Baker meet with the two helicopter pilots with a rescue team and gather weapons and first aid, they begin to board one chopper while the other circles the entire area.
Randal and Sims agree to stay behind with law enforcement to keep guard of the entrance.
EXT. SWAMP TREE- LATER
The storm stops and the alligators fight over Candy’s leg as the girls jump into the water and swim towards the shore bank.
INT. HELICOPTER- LATER
Ranger Banks and Dr. Lender fly over the area where Megan’s car was found. It’s difficult to determine what direction the girls went.
EXT. SWAMP BANK- LATER
The girls make it out the water and look up in defeat to the helicopter as it zooms passed.
INT. SUPPLY SHACK- LATER
Kayla picks the lock to the shack and the girls take shelter. Inside they find blankets, first aid supplies and food. The girls rummage through everything. Outside Python 1 and 2 make their way towards the shack.
INT. HELICOPTER- CONTINUOUS
The search is turning up empty and they are ready to head back. Ranger Banks informs the pilot that there is a supply shack not too far from their location and they should check it out just encase.
EXT. EVERGLADES FRONT ENTERANCE- LATER
Ranger Banks informs Sheriff Dale and Ranger Baker they are making a stop but so far, no sign of the girls.
EXT. SUPPLY SHACK- LATER
Ranger Banks, Dr. Lender, and Ranger Sims exit the helicopter towards the shack. Python 1 slides into the helicopter and attacks the pilot. The helicopter goes haywire, the pilot is able to send an SOS. The helicopter proceeds to crash and explode killing the pilot.
Python 1 slithers out of the fire into the water.
INT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS
Kayla opens the door to a ball of fire, she is then met by Ranger Banks, Dr. Lender, and Ranger Sims. The girls are relieved until they learn of the crash.
INT. SUPPLY SHACK
Ranger Banks digs out an old ham radio in the shack, it doesn’t work, and the group is stranded. Banks informs them there is a solid road that leads to the shack, but they’ll have to walk which will take hours. The group plans to fight with all they got.
EXT. SUPPLY SHACK- LATER
The group attempts to escape but are ambushed by the alligators, Ranger Sims is killed by them as the group retreats into the shack.
INT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS
Python 2 bursts through the floor and is killed by Lynette. Alligator 1 and 2 rush into the shack as Dr. Lender gets the girls out.
EXT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS
The second helicopter arrives to rescue the group. Dr. Lender and the girls get in while Ranger Banks traps the alligators inside the shack.
INT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS
Ranger Banks sets up a booby trap by attaching flares to two propane tanks, he rolls them towards the alligators and runs out the shack. Alligator 2 bites onto one and the shack explodes.
INT. HELICOPTER- LATER
The helicopter begins to leave when Alligator 1 re-emerges and grips onto the helicopter, the helicopter jerks hard and send Candy into the propellers tearing her to shreds. Dr. Lender grabs a flare gun and fires at Alligator 1, it kills it.
The helicopter flies off.
EXT. EVERGLADES FRONT ENTRANCE- EVENING
The helicopter lands and the group exits in relief. Python 1 was hiding under the helicopter and re-emerges. Python 1 attempts to attack the sisters but is killed by all the law enforcement on site.
SUPER: ONE MONTH LATER
INT. UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB- DAY
Dr. Lender presents the carcass of Python 1 to his class, he informs them they will examine the organs next class.
INT. LAB ROOM- LATER
Janet, Dr. Lender’s assistant dissects Python 1 and discovers hatched alligator eggs inside. Two baby alligators emerge and attack to Janet.
CUT TO BLACK
THE END
-
Benito Selim’s most memorable lines.
What I learned doing this assignment is despite the reception of your script, a memorable line can have an effect on the viewer that always takes them back to your story. A memorable line can also represent a turning point, relief or reveal in your film also.
Upon going my script, I didn’t find one line but up my southern slang for Sherriff Randall. Sheriff Randall is an older man who’s from the south and been there his whole life. His interaction with the younger crowd leaves room for comedy since he uses a lot of old sayings.
I have revamped some lines but will be going through his entire dialogue.
-
Benito Selim loves separating character dialogue
What I learned doing this assignment is giving your character their own voice is important for not only your story but whole script. Each character has to be their own individual and their own voice to go with it, otherwise everyone is just robots and following each other’s lead.
Protagonist: Kayla Evans
Role: Main character, Sister
Core Character Traits
– Party girl
– yearning for acceptance
– Naive
Character Subtext Logline: Kayla is a party sorority girl who is naïve to people befriending her because she just wants to be accepted.
Flaw: feels like she failed her parents because she isn’t an academic success.
Life Metaphor/Identity: Having her own voice and not compared to her sister.
Want: A new life. Need: Being her own individual and having a loving relationship with her sister.
Character Arc: Goes from a slacking party girl to a hero to save multiple lives.
In this scene Kayla tries to sneak out of the house to join her friends on their trip to Key West. Kayla learns her parents are going out of town and the trip home with her sister Lynette is canceled.
Lynette suspects that Kayla was going to flake on her, so she toys with Kayla.
This scene eventually leads to Kayla convincing Lynette to go on the trip with her and her friends.
BEFORE
KAYLA
You scared me. What time is it?
LYNETTE
Relax. Mom and dad are going out of town. Do what you want for spring break.
KAYLA
We’re staying here?
LYNETTE
No one will be home. I’m gonna start on my research paper.
KAYLA
That’s it? You don’t want to go, anywhere? And I don’t mean Starbucks or the library.
LYNETTE
I’m not you. People, don’t blow my phone up to hang out.
KAYLA
This is the time in our lives, when we’re enjoying ourselves. Before you know it, we’ll be done with school and starting our adult lives.
LYNETTE
Sure, let me go get a bottle now. Is that what you want me to say?
KAYLA
No. But, you should get out the house. I got a great idea. Come to the keys with me, Candy and Megan.
LYNETTE
Really? You have got to be kidding me.
KAYLA
Why not? It’ll be fun.
LYNETTE
Was this, a spur of the moment trip? Or did you plan to flake, again?
KAYLA
What is your problem?
LYNETTE
It’s the same thing every time, Kayla.
KAYLA
We just planned it, seriously.
KAYLA
We did last night. Besides, you’re not even going home.
LYNETTE
That’s not the point. All you do is party. I’ll be surprise, if you get your degree.
KAYLA
That’s low. And Lynette, all we do is fight. I think this would be a great way for us to bond. Sisters on a road trip, we would feel better and closer.
LYNETTE
Save the bullshit Kayla. You’re only concerned with your own ass.
AFTER
KAYLA
I’m awake was waiting for you to finish.
LYNETTE
Trips canceled, do what you want.
KAYLA
No home for spring break?
LYNETTE
Nope, mom and dad are taking a trip. I’ll be taking advantage of college for what it is, extending my learning.
KAYLA
You don’t want to do anything besides Starbucks and the library?
LYNETTE
My phone doesn’t ring to hang out. All my friends are in books.
KAYLA
Bring them to life along with yourself. You need a break, let your hair down, pop out your tits.
LYNETTE
Sure, I’ll go commando too.
KAYLA
If you’d like but its uncomfortable in jeans. Come to the keys with me, Candy and Megan.
LYNETTE
The keys? I knew it. why did I think Kayla would be different this time around?
KAYLA
What do you, oh now it’s not…
LYNETTE
Oh? Let’s see a spur of the moment trip? Save it.
KAYLA
It actually is
LYNETTE
It’s the same thing every time, Kayla.
KAYLA
Are original trip is canceled.
LYNETTE
That’s not the point. I know you; you know you.
KAYLA
That’s low. Besides we’re not going home.
LYNETTE
Kayla I can’t spell out the point to you. You want to really surprise me try using college to actually earn your degree.
-
Benito Selim’s Dramatic scene transition
What I learned doing this assignment is having a proper transition can really improve on the flow of scenes. Less is more often especially when wanting to have a surprise and/or shock factor scene. Setting up the next scene can help with improving the story overall.
ORIGINAL SCENE
In the original script when the girls got stuck in the everglades after their car sank in mud, they look for a way out, but are nearly killed by the alligators. The girls escape the alligators still pursue them. At the this point the pythons have not been revealed and only a snake conversation takes place.
I decided to shorten the dialogue and do a description that transitions into the next scene for the surprise/twist element. The twist being the python is of abnormal size.
RE-WRITTEN SCENE
EXT. SWAMP AFTERNOON- LATER
The girls swim to the bank and run out of the water, they find shelter under a tree. The alligators are not in sight.
MEGAN
I think we lost them.
LYNETTE
We bought some time, but they’ll be back.
The girls make their way through MARSH, they come to a tree where Candy runs into SNAKE SKIN as it hangs.
CANDY
Eww, what the hell is this.
KAYLA
It’s a cloth.
Lynette inspects.
LYNETTE
That’s not a cloth.
The girls question.
MEGAN
What is it?
LYNETTE
Snake skin.
Candy panics.
CANDY
Get it away from me.
Lynette grabs it and SPREADS it on the ground. The length of the skin is the same as all four girls side by side.
LYNETTE
This can’t be. The biggest on record in eighteen feet. This is at least twenty if not more.
The girls stare on in concern.
TRANSITION: The reveal of the snake being bigger than usual takes us into the next scene where Hal, the park supervisor sees it for the first time.
INT. MOVING JEEP- LATER
Hal speeds down the road, he SLAMS ON HIS BREAKS.
SERVICE ROAD- CONTINUOUS
AN UNKNOWN OBJECT LIES in the middle of the road. Hal exits his jeep, he leaves the door open.
Hal inspects the object, its a DEAD BOBCAT. It appears CRUSHED and TWO OF ITS LIMBS ripped off.
HAL
What the hell did this.
At the jeep, PYTHON #1 slithers into the BACK SEAT. Hal returns to the jeep to retrieve his walkie.
Hal enters the jeep.
HAL
Anyone copy me?
ANDY
Go ahead, boss.
HAL
I need you to get down to the east end. We got a carcass down here.
ANDY
What is it?
HAL
A bobcat. It’s pretty gross lets get it out, ASAP.
ANDY
Got it.
Hal puts his walkie down, he give notice to SLIME on his seat. He follows the trail to the back seat. The python jumps at Hal, it BITES onto HAL’S NECK.
SOUND: SNAKE HISS
Hal tries to pull away, but it’s GRIP is too strong. Hal with all his strength pulls the python away.
The python’s MOUTH WIDENS as Hal pulls away. Hal opens the door behind him, he falls out of the jeep and SLAMS THE DOOR SHUT.
The python STRIKES at the window, it SHATTERS IN PLACE.
SOUND: GLASS BREAKING
Hall drags himself backwards on the ground. Hal turns over, PYTHON #2, #3 and #4 surround him.
The pythons strike him.
-
Benito Selim’s Elevated Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is by having several different approaches to a scene you may find better improvements. This can really improve in rewriting your script.
In the original scene I had Paul who is the head park ranger in the everglades conducting a routine patrol. He comes across the severed arm of an alligator attack victim. The scene was relatively calm except for the severed arm surprise. I wanted to amp up the scene by having an attempted attack on Paul and having more description than dialogue.
INT. MOVING BOAT- LATER
Paul patrols the area. A LARGE TREE BRANCH lies in the middle of the swamp river.
Paul grabs A POLE to push the branch aside, it’s too heavy. Paul moves in closer and grabs the branch. AN ARM pops up from under the water.
Paul falls back into the boat. Paul takes a closer look at the arm, only three fingers remain. Paul lifts the arm with the pole. Alligator #1 leaps out of the water and bites the pole.
The arm falls into the boat. Paul lets go of the pole as Alligator #1 BREAKS it in half. Paul falls back into the boat.
Alligator #1 retreats under water, but watches Paul. Paul crawls across the boat as it’s sways hard.
Paul in a cautious manner gets back on his feet. Alligator #1 jumps out the water again and nearly CAPSIZES the boat. Paul grabs the broken half of the pole and jabs it into Alligator #1’s mouth.
Alligator #1 retreats and swims off. Paul immediately starts the boat and speeds off, he removes his CELL PHONE from his pocket.
PAUL
Sam.
SAM
Is your walkie broke?
PAUL
No. I got a situation down here. We got a hungry gator or something on the loose.
SAM
How do you know?
PAUL
We just met.
SAM
You, ok?
PAUL
Yes. See if you can get me, two more patrols out here. I don’t want them making their way towards the tourist area.
SAM
Will we have to shut the park down?
PAUL
No as of now but stay very vigilant. I want everyone left on the ground to meet at the station.
SAM
Got it, hey before you go. What should I do, if Hal questions?
PAUL
I’ll deal with him.
Paul ends the call.
-
Benito Selim’s Meaningful Action
What I learned doing this assignment is less can often be more. Taking a deeper look at scenes that give the audience hints and even subtext don’t always have to be over explained.
ORIGINAL SCENE
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE- MORNING
AARON LENDER, mid 30s herpetologist arrives to the site, he is met by DALE RANDAL, 50s Sheriff.
DALE
You must be Aaron, the gator doc.
AARON
That is me. My appropriate title is herpetologist.
DALE
A herpa what?
AARON
Nevermind. I’m assuming a gator is, why I’m here?
DALE
First thing. We want to keep this, under wraps. No media or bringing others in the mix. You reading me?
AARON
Am I looking at something, I shouldn’t?
DALE
No. We’re just stumped on this case. You follow me?
Dale leads Aaron to Marty’s trailer. Aaron examines the area; he comes across ALLIGATOR TRACKS.
AARON
I See what you mean. Sheriff, do you believe this was caused by an alligator?
DALE
Possibly. But the tracks are all that we have.
Aaron follows a TRAIL OF CHEMICALS; they lead to the creek. Several alligator tracks lead into the water.
AARON
It’s hard to believe, alligators would be this aggressive. Unless, something agitated or threaten them.
DALE
All the construction could be pissing them off.
Aaron examines the creek bank.
AARON
Sheriff, could I get a jar or something?
Dale steps into Marty’s trailer. Dale finds A PLASTIC CONTAINER, he hands it to Aaron. Aaron COLLECTS A CHEMICAL SAMPLE.
DALE
What’cha got there?
AARON
I’m not sure. Do you know how far, this creek goes out?
DALE
Not sure. There’s alot of rivers and lakes in the area. You have something, I should know about?
AARON
I got some tests to run. I’ll be in contact, if its anything serious.
Aaron exits, as Dale stares out to the creek.
REWRITTEN SCENE
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE- MORNING
AARON LENDER, mid 30s herpetologist arrives to the site, he is met by DALE RANDAL, 50s Sheriff and his DEPUTIES JOHNSON and HARRIS, 30s
DALE
You must be Aaron, the gator doc.
AARON
That is me. The herpetologist.
DALE
A herpa what?
AARON
Nevermind. I’m assuming a gator is, why I’m here?
DALE
Possibly, we don’t want to bring unwanted attention, you read me?
Dale and Aaron stare upon each other, Aaron gives a nod.
EXT. FOREMAN TRAILER- LATER
Dale takes Aaron to the crime scene. Aaron is shocked and exhales, he surveys the area.
AARON
I find this odd that an alligator would do this.
Dale questions.
AARON (CONT’D)
Alligators tend to keep to themselves. Now if provoked they will attack, but this (beat) is just unbelievable.
DALE
I doubt a human did this. He’s torn to shreds.
Aaron follows A BLOOD TRAIL down to a nearby CREEK. Aaron walks the creek bed; AN UNKNOWN SUBSTANCE sits atop the water.
Aaron grabs A STICK and SWIRLS it into the substance. Aaron examines the stick; he smells it and gives it a touch. While feeling the substance on his hands he turns to Dale.
AARON
Sheriff?
Dale joins Aaron at the creek bed.
DALE
You got something?
AARON
Not sure, do you have a jar or evidence bag I can have?
DALE
I got you. Hey Johnson, grab a crack test. Do you think they came from here?
Aaron and Dale survey the creek.
AARON
Possibly. We’re very close to the glades, I spent several months there when I was getting my doctorate.
Deputy Johnson joins Aaron and Dale; he hands Aaron the test kit. Aaron takes a sample of the substance.
AARON
I need to take this to my lab and run some test. I’ll be in touch.
Aaron makes his way back towards the crime scene, he notices more of the substance in the blood puddles and parts to the trailer.
Aaron exits.
-
Benito Selim’s elevated story beats
What I learned from doing this assignment is to isolate the scenes that needs the most help to elevate your script instead of rewriting the entire script.
4. EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS- AFTERNOON (E4)
SUPER: UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI
Kayla talks with her sorority sisters Megan and Candy, it is the last day of class before spring break. Kayla is new to the sorority. A group of frat guys invite them out to a bar that night, they all accept. Lynette, Kayla’s sister approaches the girls, Kayla exits with her.
*I want to up the introduction of my main character more, I have added more dialogue to show Kayla’s own voice.
6. EXT. SWAMP- LATER (E9)
A child plays near the swamp with his dog. The alligators sneak towards him, his dog alerts them. They escape though the child doesn’t understand the danger they were in.
*This would be a new inserted scene that results in a false scare when a child escapes out of the alligator’s grasp.
5. UNIVERSITY COMMON ROOM- LATER (E4)
Kayla and Lynette discuss their spring breaks plans to go home, Kayla doesn’t want to go, but Lynette is adamant. Brian, a football player joins the girls and flirts with Lynette and Kayla. Brian invites them out that night, Lynette questions.
*I want to have a better interaction with all three characters showing how they all have different perspectives and showing their real feelings.
-
Benito Selim’s scene ratings
What I learned doing this assignment is by going through each scene and giving them a rating, you can see what scenes will work and which ones need help. By isolating the weak scenes, you can fix the problem to make the script stronger.
BEAT SHEET
ACT 1
OPENING: SUPER: HOMSTEAD, FLORIDA
1. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE- MORNING (E6)
Protesters and media block tractors and construction workers from entering the site of a new housing development close to the Everglades. After recent attacks on citizens by wildlife, protesters believe the construction is disturbing natural habitat.
2. Marty, the site foreman shows up with the police to disperse the crowd. Due to the size, he requests the help of Sheriff Dale Randal and his department as well. the crowd leaves and construction continues.
3. INT. FOREMAN TRAILER- LATER (E10)
Marty takes a call from his client to ensure them things are ok. Alligator 1 bursts through the floor and attacks Marty. Marty barely escapes but runs into Alligator 2 outside and is caught, both alligators kill him, and his body is discovered by the construction crew.
4. EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS- AFTERNOON (E4)
SUPER: UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI
Kayla talks with her sorority sisters Megan and Candy, it is the last day of class before spring break. Kayla is new to the sorority. A group of frat guys invite them out to a bar that night, they all accept. Lynette, Kayla’s sister approaches the girls, Kayla exits with her.
5. UNIVERSITY COMMON ROOM- LATER (E4)
Kayla and Lynette discuss their spring breaks plans to go home, Kayla doesn’t want to go, but Lynette is adamant. Brian, a football player joins the girls and flirts with Lynette and Kayla. Brian invites them out that night, Lynette questions.
6. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE- DAY (E6)
Sheriff Dale arrives to the scene and speaks with local enforcement. Dr. Aaron Lender, a herpetologist arrives and is met by Sheriff Randal. Sheriff Randal explains the whole situation with the reptiles and why he was called. Dr. Lender takes samples of paint that is flowing into a creek bed that leads into the swamp.
7. INT. BAR- NIGHT (E7)
Kayla, Megan, and Candy drink with other friends and talk with frat guys. Kayla tells them she is going to bail on Lynette and go to the keys with them. Brian flirts with Kayla but reveals his true intentions that he needs Lynette to help him pass a class to stay on the football team.
8. INT. KAYLA AND LYNETTE’S APARTMENT- LATER (E6)
Lynette calls her parents to confirm the trip. Her parents inform her they were invited to a last-minute trip and won’t be home. The trip home is cancelled.
9. INT. UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB- MORNING (E9)
Dr. Lender and his assistant Janet conduct a test. Dr. Lender puts a sample of the paint on a lab snake’s skin. The snake become erratic and flips out in its tank, it kills itself. Dr. Lender concludes the paint is causing.
END OF ACT 1
ACT 2
10. INT. KAYLA AND LYNETTE’S APARTMENT- MORNING (E6)
Kayla sneaks about the apartment to avoid Lynette but fails. Lynette informs her that the trip is canceled and to do what she wants. Kayla invites Lynette with her to the keys. Lynette confronts Kayla about her alternate plans, the two argue but manage to put it aside.
11. EXT. APARTMENT PARKING LOT- LATER (E5)
Megan arrives with Candy to pick up Kayla, she informs them Lynette is coming. They are annoyed but agree to it.
12. INT. EVERGLADES MAIN RANGER STATION- LATER (E5)
Ranger Paul Banks arrives to work and inform by the office assistant that a popular Alligator couple has been sited outside the glades and in neighborhood. Ranger Banks investigates.
13. INT. MEGAN’S CAR- AFTERNOON (E6)
The girls get stuck in traffic and share gossip about the frat boys. Megan turns off the main highway and finds a shortcut to get to the keys.
14. EXT. LONELY HIGHWAY- LATER (E10)
A young couple is stuck on the side of the road surrounded by swamp. Megan drives past but no one sees the couple flagging for help.
15. INT. UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB- LATER (E7)
Dr. Lender invites Sheriff Dale to his lab and shows him the snake along with his findings. Dr. Lender informs Sherriff Dale it doesn’t have an effect on any other animals but reptiles.
MIDPOINT: The paint is causing the aggression in the reptiles and flowing in heavy amounts towards the everglades. The number of reptiles effected can cause large casualties if in contact with humans.
16. INT. MEGAN’S CAR- LATER (E6)
Megan informs the group they are passing the everglades and she is gonna stop for a bathroom break.
17. EXT. FLORIDA EVERGLADES VISITOR CENTER- LATER (E7)
The girls take a break from the road. Megan and Candy discuss their plans in the keys. Kayla tells them she knows Brian’s game he is trying with her.
18. INT. SUPPLY STORAGE- LATER (E5)
Ranger Banks is met by the park supervisor Hal who informs him about the site foreman killing. Hal instructs Ranger Banks to put out Alligator traps.
19. EXT. EVERGLADES VISITOR TRAILS- LATER (E7)
The girls take in the glades. Lynette shares some information about the wildlife inhabitants. Kayla and Lynette share a moment of mending. The alligator’s sit in a pond nearby. Megan and Candy feed them, but Lynette tells them to stop. The girls stop and all four make their way to the car. The alligators follow at a distance.
20. INT. EVERGLADES MAIN RANGER STATION- LATER (E5)
Sheriff Dale and Dr. Lender arrive to speak to Ranger Banks, he is not on site, and they are told to wait.
21. INT. MEGAN’S CAR- LATER (E8)
The girls makes their way out of the park but take a wrong turn and end up on an axis road only for rangers. The car becomes stuck and begins to sink, they abandoned the vehicle but are lost inside the glades.
22. EXT. EVERGLADES VISITOR CENTER- LATER (E7)
Hal gives notice to the Sheriff’s vehicle and calls to Ranger Banks. Hal is then met with Sheriff Dale and Dr. Lender who inform him of the paint’s reaction. Hal decides to close the park early due to this news.
23. EXT. SWAMP- LATER (E8)
The girls make their way through the swamp only to find they must swim across a river. The alligators emerge and attack them. They fight them off and get away. In the pursuit they come across snakeskin from a python (Python 1), the length of all four girls. The girls move deeper into the glades.
24. INT. MOVING BOAT- LATER (E7)
Ranger Banks along with another Ranger Andy Sims cruise through the swamp, himself and Sims notice streaks of paint throughout waterways. Ranger Banks is notified of the situation and to head back. Before he returns, he sees Megan’s car stuck in the mud. Ranger Banks and Sims investigate, Banks calls it in to Hal.
Before they head back, Ranger Banks retrieves an Arm floating in the water.
25. EXT/INT. RANGER JEEP- LATER (E10)
Hal excuses himself to drive down to the bank, he informs the sheriff and Dr. Lender to wait for Ranger Banks. Hal jumps in the jeep and makes his way down an axis road. Hal comes to a stop as a bobcat carcass is blocking the road.
Hal gets out of his jeep to move it, Python 1 slides into his backseat. Hal returns and is attacked by Python 1 but traps it his jeep. Hal then tries to escape but is met by three more pythons (Python 2, 3 and 4) and killed.
26. EXT. SWAMP- LATER (E8)
A rainstorm occurs and the girls find shelter under a tree. The girls realize they have leeches on them. Candy panics and accidentally steps into an Alligator trap; her leg is nearly severed.
27. EXT. WATERWAY- CONTINUOUS (E5)
Ranger Banks and Sims cruise by as they head back to the main station, the girls hear the boat. Megan and Kayla run towards the shore and yell for help but are drowned out by thunder and heavy rain.
28. INT. MOVING BOAT- CONTINUOUS (E6)
Ranger Banks is informed by Ranger Charlie Baker that a body has been found on the same axis road Hal was on was. Ranger Banks informs Baker he is on his way back.
29. EXT. SWAMP- CONTINOUS (E6)
The alligators resurface and pursue the girls. The girls find a tall sturdy tree with an injured Candy. The water rises around them, the alligators circle. The python make their way towards the tree unbeknown to the girls.
30. EXT. AXIS ROAD- LATER (E5)
Ranger Banks makes his way back where he is met by Sheriff Dale and Dr. Lender. A police block is at the axis road, Python 4 is dead as the half-eaten body of Hal hangs out its extended mouth. Ranger Banks informs Dale and Lender there are possibly people missing in the glades.
31. INT. SUPPLY STORAGE- LATER (E5)
Ranger Banks takes sheriff Dale and Dr. Lender to collect weapons. They realize the situation will call for killing the reptiles if they are encountered. Banks shows Lender the arm he found, and it’s confirmed it was an alligator attack.
TIME LAPSE–
32. EXT. SWAMP TREE- DUSK (E10)
The girls wait out the storm out in the tree. Lynette spots a storage shed in the distance and tells the girls they need to get to it. The pythons make their way up the tree to attack the girls. Megan is killed while Kayla kills Python 3. The girls decide to take a chance to make it to the shack.
END OF ACT 2
ACT 3
33. EXT. MEGAN’S CAR- LATER (E5)
Ranger Banks and Dr. Lender arrive to Megan’s car. Banks finds her ID and calls it in, both men observe the area as it’s surrounded by water. Banks questions where they could have gone.
34. EXT. SWAMP TREE- LATER (E8)
The pythons have left but the alligators remain. Candy’s leg is severely infected, she decides to sacrifice it to the alligators so they can get away.
35. EXT. EVERGLADES PARK ENTRANCE- LATER (E6)
Ranger Banks and Dr. Lender meet back up with Sheriff Randal and Rangers Sims and Baker. Banks, Lender, and Baker meet with the two helicopter pilots with a rescue team and gather weapons and first aid, they begin to board one chopper while the other circles the entire area.
Randal and Sims agree to stay behind with law enforcement to keep guard of the entrance.
36. EXT. SWAMP TREE- LATER (E8)
The storm stops and the alligators fight over Candy’s leg as the girls jump into the water and swim towards the shore bank.
37. INT. HELICOPTER- LATER (E5)
Ranger Banks and Dr. Lender fly over the area where Megan’s car was found. It’s difficult to determine what direction the girls went.
38. EXT. SWAMP BANK- LATER (E6)
The girls make it out the water and look up in defeat to the helicopter as it zooms passed.
39. INT. SUPPLY SHACK- LATER (E7)
Kayla picks the lock to the shack and the girls take shelter. Inside they find blankets, first aid supplies and food. The girls rummage through everything. Outside Python 1 and 2 make their way towards the shack.
40. INT. HELICOPTER- CONTINUOUS (E5)
The search is turning up empty and they are ready to head back. Ranger Banks informs the pilot that there is a supply shack not too far from their location and they should check it out just encase.
41. EXT. EVERGLADES FRONT ENTERANCE- LATER (E5)
Ranger Banks informs Sheriff Dale and Ranger Baker they are making a stop but so far, no sign of the girls.
42. EXT. SUPPLY SHACK- LATER (E10)
Ranger Banks, Dr. Lender, and Ranger Sims exit the helicopter towards the shack. Python 1 slides into the helicopter and attacks the pilot. The helicopter goes haywire, the pilot is able to send an SOS. The helicopter proceeds to crash and explode killing the pilot.
Python 1 slithers out of the fire into the water.
43. INT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS (E10)
Kayla opens the door to a ball of fire, she is then met by Ranger Banks, Dr. Lender, and Ranger Sims. The girls are relieved until they learn of the crash.
44. INT. SUPPLY SHACK (E8)
Ranger Banks digs out an old ham radio in the shack, it doesn’t work, and the group is stranded. Banks informs them there is a solid road that leads to the shack, but they’ll have to walk which will take hours. The group plans to fight with all they got.
45. EXT. SUPPLY SHACK- LATER (E9)
The group attempts to escape but are ambushed by the alligators, Ranger Sims is killed by them as the group retreats into the shack.
46. INT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS (E10)
Python 2 bursts through the floor and is killed by Lynette. Alligator 1 and 2 rush into the shack as Dr. Lender gets the girls out.
47. EXT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS (E10)
The second helicopter arrives to rescue the group. Dr. Lender and the girls get in while Ranger Banks traps the alligators inside the shack.
48. INT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS (E10)
Ranger Banks sets up a booby trap by attaching flares to two propane tanks, he rolls them towards the alligators and runs out the shack. Alligator 2 bites onto one and the shack explodes.
49. INT. HELICOPTER- LATER (E10)
The helicopter begins to leave when Alligator 1 re-emerges and grips onto the helicopter, the helicopter jerks hard and send Candy into the propellers tearing her to shreds. Dr. Lender grabs a flare gun and fires at Alligator 1, it kills it.
The helicopter flies off.
50. EXT. EVERGLADES FRONT ENTRANCE- EVENING (E9)
The helicopter lands and the group exits in relief. Python 1 was hiding under the helicopter and re-emerges. Python 1 attempts to attack the sisters but is killed by all the law enforcement on site.
SUPER: ONE MONTH LATER
51. INT. UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB- DAY (E7)
Dr. Lender presents the carcass of Python 1 to his class, he informs them they will examine the organs next class.
52. INT. LAB ROOM- LATER (E9)
Janet, Dr. Lender’s assistant dissects Python 1 and discovers hatched alligator eggs inside. Two baby alligators emerge and attack to Janet.
CUT TO BLACK
THE END
-
Benito Selim’s Character Intros
What I learned doing this assignment is there are many ways of approaching your character’s introduction regardless of the genre. You want the intros to stand out and grab not only the actor’s attention but also your audience. The character’s introduction sets the tone of the script and determines how the flow of your story goes.
Title: Detour
Two sisters and their friends on their way to the Florida Keys for spring break become stranded in the everglades. Their situation becomes dire as they are hunted by reptiles who have grown mysteriously aggressive, unprovoked.
CHARACTER INTRODUCTIONS
ORIGINAL SCRIPT
In the first version of my script, I found my main character Kayla didn’t speak first nor did she have a lot of lines. I made the mistake of putting her into a party scene and having the supporting characters carry the scene.
After examining my original opening and doing this assignment, I have changed my entire character introduction.
REVISED SCRIPT
SUPER: UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI
INT. CLASSROOM DAY
Writing on a huge BLACK BOARD displays MIDTERM. STUDENTS rush to get done with their test. KAYLA EVAN, 22 college student exchanges text messages with her love interest Brian.
PROFESSOR- You all have ten minutes til pencils down.
Kayla continues to text and gives a giggle. The professor gives notice, Kayla takes a pause then sends a KISSING FACE EMOJI. Kayla collects her test and drops it onto the professor desk. Kayla exits.
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS COURTYARD- LATER
Kayla makes her way through the campus. Different groups of men cat call to her, she smiles but no gives no other reaction.
Kayla meets up with her sorority sisters MEGAN SMITH, 21 the privileged heiress, and CANDY STEVENS, 21 a gullible sweetheart. The girls sit at a table.
KAYLA- That midterm cut into my nail appointment.
MEGAN- Tell me about it. Imagine having to do good in school just to make money at a job that you got from a degree.
CANDY- At the least the midterm proctor was cute for my last test.
KAYLA- That’s good. Well, no more tests for a few weeks. At least for me. My sister on the other hand.
Megan turns to Kayla
MEGAN- You’re coming out tonight, right?
KAYLA- Of course, but I’ll have to meet you guys there. I have some stuff to handle.
LYNETTE EVANS, 21 socially awkward and sharp academic college student, makes her way across the courtyard towards Kayla. Lynette gives notice Megan and Candy; she gives an exhale.
MEGAN- Buzzkill at twelve’ o clock.
Megan pulls at Candy to leave with her. Lynette joins the girls.
CANDY- got to run, hi Lynette.
Lynette gives a forced smile. Megan and Candy exit.
KAYLA- Did you enjoy your test?
LYNETTE- I got them done, I wouldn’t say enjoyable. Are you done for the day?
KAYLA- Pretty much, I was gonna go get my nails done. We’re all going to the bar tonight; you want to come?
LYNETTE- Have you packed yet? We must be at the station at eight am tomorrow.
Kayla scrolls through her phone.
KAYLA- I’ll do it later, I have time.
LYNETTE- Kayla, eight am tomorrow. I got to go; I’ll see you at home.
Lynette exits. Kayla cheers as she received a text from Megan that reads “Brian will be at the bar tonight”.
-
Benito Selim’s Character story beats
What I learned doing this assignment is by giving beats to your characters you can make them more interesting and elevate their story. Some characters you may find don’t fit into your story at all.
Protagonist: Kayla Evans
The Naïve party girl yearning for acceptance.
Beginning: Kayla plans to flake on her sister to join friends and a love interest in Key West for spring break.
Middle: Kayla invites Lynette on the trip.
End: Kayla and Lynette mend their relationship and find it’s more important to live happy together.
-Kayla parties all the time instead of focusing on school. She meets a boy Brian who plays on the football team.
-Kayla has plans to go with her sister Lynette to visit their parents during spring break.
-Kayla joins a sorority and her sisters invite her to key west for spring break.
-Kayla plans to flake on her sister, but is informed the trip is canceled, so she invites her sister.
-Kayla and Lynette begin to bond when they are thrown into being stranded in the everglades.
-Kayla goes into survival mode and remembers what Lynette taught her though she thought it was boring at the time.
-Kayla learns of Megan’s deceit with Brian. Lynette is the only one who has her back.
-Kayla takes the lead to make sure her, Lynette and Candy survive.
-Kayla puts her fear behind her to fight alongside the rescue team.
-Kayla and Lynette survive which makes her re-evaluate life with her sister and make it count.
Antagonist: Lynette Evans
The socially awkward academic who is punished under her own genius.
Beginning: Lynette is an overachiever and constantly giving scolding those around her.
Middle: Lynette reluctantly agrees to go on a trip with Kayla.
End: Lynette and Kayla mend their relationship; she no sees Kayla as irresponsible.
-Lynette takes college extremely seriously and has no social life.
-Lynette is always getting on Kayla and her friends about putting academics first, particularly Kayla.
-Lynette constantly nags Kayla about schoolwork, house duties, and even dating, this is how she always gets her way, especially with her parents.
-Lynette is distraught when her parents go on vacation and tell her not to come home for spring break, they suggest doing something with Kayla.
-Lynette is reluctant to go on a trip with Kayla, Megan, and Candy, but agrees. She feels like an outcast.
-Lynette decides to let her guard down and support Kayla with Brian. She does question why Megan is so close to him.
-Lynette enjoys educating the girls on wildlife in the everglades, even if she knows Megan and Candy are being fake.
-Lynette becomes the peacemaker amongst the girls when tension rise after being stranded.
-Lynette takes on a maternal role by caring for Candy when she is injured. For once she looks to Kayla as her big sister and guidance.
-Lynette supports Kayla and fights alongside her and the rescue team with survival the only option.
-Lynette and Kayla survive which makes her re-evaluate life with her sister and make it count.
Connecting character: Candy Stevens
The clueless sweetheart who lives a superficial life and denies seeing the harsh real world.
Beginning: Candy only cares about being popular, boys and parties
Middle: Candy is lost when stranded in the everglades and is desperate for help
End: Candy has a new outlook on life and wants to change, despite it being cut short.
-Candy’s biggest dilemma in life is choosing between where to party and who to date.
-Candy is strung along by Dennis, the star football player, who has a girlfriend. He convinces her to go to Key West for spring break.
-Candy faces the fact with her friends that Dennis will never commit to her.
-Candy decides to enjoy herself despite still being hung on Dennis. She enjoys the everglades tour.
-Candy tries to convince herself that being stranded in the glades will be an easy fix, unfortunately, it’s not.
-Candy sides with Kayla and doesn’t agree with Megan’s relationship with Brian.
-Candy is traumatized from the beginning of the alligator’s terror.
– Candy suffers a major injury to her leg. Having no other options for survival, Candy has her leg amputated to get to safety.
-Candy feels confident for once when she fights along the Evan’s sisters. Their support to survive makes her realize what life is about.
-Candy wants to live and does her all to survive until she, unfortunately, meets her demise.
Supporting character for Protagonist: Megan Smith
The privileged heiress who believes everything revolves around her.
Beginning: Megan has never worked a day in her life and is only in college to collect an inheritance.
Middle: Megan is forced to work as a team to survive despite her hating so. She’s too selfish.
End: Megan attempts to stay strong and fight back but is defeated by the everglades.
-Megan is used to getting her way and doesn’t take no for an answer.
-Megan guilt trips Kayla into going to Key West for spring break.
-Megan is annoyed and doesn’t hide when Lynette joins the girls for spring break.
-Megan takes the detour leading to the everglades, she passes stranded motorists not wanting to help them, they meet their ends with the alligators as a result.
-Megan loosens up a little bit in the everglades as she is generally enjoying the park, despite constantly throwing shade towards Lynette.
-Megan encounters traffic on the way out of the park and grows impatient, she takes the service road which leads to the girls getting stranded in the everglades.
-Megan tries to deny the group is in trouble and begins to think of ways to get herself out.
-Megan confesses to Kayla that Brian is using her just to get tutoring from Lynette, she also admits she’s been sleeping with him.
-Megan doesn’t feel guilty but wants to live and joins the others to fight off the alligators,
-Megan meets her end at the hands of the new enemy, the python.
Supporting character for Antagonist: Dr. Aaron Lender
The Herpetologist researching the next big study to begin his legacy in the reptile world.
Beginning: Aaron is the newest herpetologist but has more knowledge than the vets.
Middle: Aaron takes on the opportunity to assist on the reptile attacks.
End: Aaron solves the mystery, creates a new area of study for reptiles and discovers a new breed of python.
-Aaron strives in his career field to bring more to the table than his colleagues, this is almost always overlooked.
-Aaron maintains a good relationship with his mentors who are highly respected Herpetologists.
-Aaron is presented an opportunity to assist the sheriff’s department on a mysterious alligator attack at a new housing development. They are stuck as to why; Aaron is a well.
-Aaron takes samples from the crime scene and conducts a study. He discovers the paint at the housing development is causing reptiles to act aggressively and attack.
-Aaron waits to share his research with his department and instead tells law enforcement first in hopes of pushing the case along, it works. Aaron wants to be the soul herpetologist on the case.
-Aaron joins the sheriff in the everglades where they team up with the rangers, they are presented with the missing girls and the case goes way left.
-Aaron follows with Ranger Banks and Sims to find the girls, along the journey he discovers a new breed of Python. It’s bigger than the normal largest size. This is a scientific breakthrough for him.
-Aaron gets sidetracked thinking about his successful finds and is almost killed while meeting up with the surviving girls.
-Aaron acts fast to join in the fight knowing if he dies so does his legacy.
-Aaron and the group successfully fight off the alligators and Pythons, but just as they think the horror is over Python 1 nearly kills them. The python is killed instead.
-Aaron preserves the Python and presents to his new class the carcass for examination. Unfortunately, the python carries aggressive baby alligators who get his assistant.
-
Benito Selim’s Character Profiles
What I learned doing this assignment is breaking down each character to their foundation gives for a better rewrite. If you’re having trouble with each character’s voice breaking them down will uplift them more to stand out as an individual.
DETOUR- HORROR
Two sisters and their friends on their way to the Florida Keys for spring break become stranded in the everglades. Their situation becomes dire as they are hunted by reptiles who have grown mysteriously aggressive, and unprovoked.
CHARACTER PROFILES
Character 1: Kayla Evans
Role: Main character, Sister
Core Character Traits
– Party girl
– yearning for acceptance
– Naive
Character Subtext Logline: Kayla is a party sorority girl who is naïve to people befriending her because she just wants to be accepted.
Flaw: feels like she failed her parents because she isn’t an academic success.
Life Metaphor/Identity: Having her own voice and not being compared to her sister.
Want: A new life. Need: Being her own individual and having a loving relationship with her sister.
Character Arc: Goes from a slacking party girl to a hero to save multiple lives.
Character 2: Lynette Evans
Role: Main character 2, Sister
Core Character Traits
– Academic
– socially awkward
– Depressed
Character Subtext Logline: Lynette is an academic who is punished under her genius state.
Flaw: Despite being younger feels she can’t leave her sister alone, offers help when not needed.
Life Metaphor/Identity: a survivor under elements she deemed to fail.
Want: To live not just exist. Need: A solid and loving relationship with her sister.
Character Arc: Goes from a perceived bookworm to hardcore survivalist.
Character 3: Aaron Lender
Role: Herpetologist (reptile doctor)
Core Character Traits
– Reptile enthusiast
– Wants to find a new break through on reptiles
Character Subtext Logline: Dr. Aaron Lender is Herpetologist who constantly is researching reptiles, he wants a breakthrough study to uplift his position towards his legacy.
Flaw: feels shunned by his peers and wants to excel his field.
Life Metaphor/Identity: Becoming a sought after and respectable Herpetologist.
Want: A legacy. Need: Taken seriously.
Character Arc: An intern learning the ropes of being a reptile doctor to having a breakthrough study on new characteristics of reptiles.
Character 4: Paul Banks
Role: Park Ranger, wildlife wrangler
Core Character Traits
– Wildlife enthusiasts
– Connects with the land and its inhabitants of the swamp
– Survivalist
Character Subtext Logline: Ranger Paul Banks is an expert survivalist who is using his skills to preserve the everglades swamp.
Flaw: Excels at his job without promoting.
Life Metaphor/Identity: Becoming the head ranger and implementing programs to keep the swamp resourceful.
Want: to be the head man in charge. Need: Taken seriously.
Character Arc: A park ranger that loves the outdoors to a survivalist hero that saved multiple lives.
-
Benito Selim’s Story Beats
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is by breaking down every detail of the script, I can see what’s more important than others.
DETOUR- HORROR
Two sisters and their friends on their way to the Florida Keys for spring break become stranded in the everglades. Their situation becomes dire as they are hunted by reptiles who have grown mysteriously aggressive, and unprovoked.
BEAT SHEET
ACT 1
OPENING: SUPER: HOMSTEAD, FLORIDA
1. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE- MORNING
Protesters and media block tractors and construction workers from entering the site of a new housing development close to the Everglades. After recent attacks on citizens by wildlife, protesters believe the construction is disturbing natural habitat.
2. Marty, the site foreman shows up with the police to disperse the crowd. Due to the size, he requests the help of Sheriff Dale Randal and his department as well. the crowd leaves and construction continues.
3. INT. FOREMAN TRAILER- LATER
Marty takes a call from his client to ensure them things are ok. Alligator 1 bursts through the floor and attacks Marty. Marty barely escapes but runs into Alligator 2 outside and is caught, both alligators kill him, and his body is discovered by the construction crew.
4. EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS- AFTERNOON
SUPER: UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI
Kayla talks with her sorority sisters Megan and Candy, it is the last day of class before spring break. Kayla is new to the sorority. A group of frat guys invite them out to a bar that night, they all accept. Lynette, Kayla’s sister approaches the girls, Kayla exits with her.
5. UNIVERSITY COMMON ROOM- LATER
Kayla and Lynette discuss their spring breaks plans to go home, Kayla doesn’t want to go, but Lynette is adamant. Brian, a football player joins the girls and flirts with Lynette and Kayla. Brian invites them out that night, Lynette questions.
6. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE- DAY
Sheriff Dale arrives to the scene and speaks with local enforcement. Dr. Aaron Lender, a herpetologist arrives and is met by Sheriff Randal. Sheriff Randal explains the whole situation with the reptiles and why he was called. Dr. Lender takes samples of paint that is flowing into a creek bed that leads into the swamp.
7. INT. BAR- NIGHT
Kayla, Megan, and Candy drink with other friends and talk with frat guys. Kayla tells them she is going to bail on Lynette and go to the keys with them. Brian flirts with Kayla but reveals his true intentions that he needs Lynette to help him pass a class to stay on the football team.
8. INT. KAYLA AND LYNETTE’S APARTMENT- LATER
Lynette calls her parents to confirm the trip. Her parents inform her they were invited to a last-minute trip and won’t be home. The trip home is canceled.
9. INT. UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB- MORNING
Dr. Lender and his assistant Janet conduct a test. Dr. Lender puts a sample of the paint on a lab snake’s skin. The snake become erratic and flips out in its tank, it kills itself. Dr. Lender concludes the paint is causing.
END OF ACT 1
ACT 2
10. INT. KAYLA AND LYNETTE’S APARTMENT- MORNING
Kayla sneaks about the apartment to avoid Lynette but fails. Lynette informs her that the trip is canceled and to do what she wants. Kayla invites Lynette with her to the keys. Lynette confronts Kayla about her alternate plans, the two argue but manage to put it aside.
11. EXT. APARTMENT PARKING LOT- LATER
Megan arrives with Candy to pick up Kayla, she informs them Lynette is coming. They are annoyed but agree to it.
12. INT. EVERGLADES MAIN RANGER STATION- LATER
Ranger Paul Banks arrives to work and inform by the office assistant that a popular Alligator couple has been sited outside the glades and in neighborhood. Ranger Banks investigates.
13. INT. MEGAN’S CAR- AFTERNOON
The girls get stuck in traffic and share gossip about the frat boys. Megan turns off the main highway and finds a shortcut to get to the keys.
14. EXT. LONELY HIGHWAY- LATER
A young couple is stuck on the side of the road surrounded by swamp. Megan drives past but no one sees the couple flagging for help.
15. INT. UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB- LATER
Dr. Lender invites Sheriff Dale to his lab and shows him the snake along with his findings. Dr. Lender informs Sherriff Dale it doesn’t have an effect on any other animals but reptiles.
MIDPOINT: The paint is causing the aggression in the reptiles and flowing in heavy amounts towards the everglades. The number of reptiles effected can cause large casualties if in contact with humans.
16. INT. MEGAN’S CAR- LATER
Megan informs the group they are passing the everglades and she is gonna stop for a bathroom break.
17. EXT. FLORIDA EVERGLADES VISITOR CENTER- LATER
The girls take a break from the road. Megan and Candy discuss their plans in the keys. Kayla tells them she knows Brian’s game he is trying with her.
18. INT. SUPPLY STORAGE- LATER
Ranger Banks is met by the park supervisor Hal who informs him about the site foreman killing. Hal instructs Ranger Banks to put out Alligator traps.
19. EXT. EVERGLADES VISITOR TRAILS- LATER
The girls take in the glades. Lynette shares some information about the wildlife inhabitants. Kayla and Lynette share a moment of mending. The alligator’s sit in a pond nearby. Megan and Candy feed them, but Lynette tells them to stop. The girls stop and all four make their way to the car. The alligators follow at a distance.
20. INT. EVERGLADES MAIN RANGER STATION- LATER
Sheriff Dale and Dr. Lender arrive to speak to Ranger Banks, he is not on site, and they are told to wait.
21. INT. MEGAN’S CAR- LATER
The girls makes their way out of the park but take a wrong turn and end up on an axis road only for rangers. The car becomes stuck and begins to sink, they abandoned the vehicle but are lost inside the glades.
22. EXT. EVERGLADES VISITOR CENTER- LATER
Hal gives notice to the Sheriff’s vehicle and calls to Ranger Banks. Hal is then met with Sheriff Dale and Dr. Lender who inform him of the paint’s reaction. Hal decides to close the park early due to this news.
23. EXT. SWAMP- LATER
The girls make their way through the swamp only to find they must swim across a river. The alligators emerge and attack them. They fight them off and get away. In the pursuit they come across snakeskin from a python (Python 1), the length of all four girls. The girls move deeper into the glades.
24. INT. MOVING BOAT- LATER
Ranger Banks along with another Ranger Andy Sims cruise through the swamp, himself and Sims notice streaks of paint throughout waterways. Ranger Banks is notified of the situation and to head back. Before he returns, he sees Megan’s car stuck in the mud. Ranger Banks and Sims investigate, Banks calls it in to Hal.
Before they head back, Ranger Banks retrieves and Arm floating in the water.
25. EXT/INT. RANGER JEEP- LATER
Hal excuses himself to drive down to the bank, he informs the sheriff and Dr. Lender to wait for Ranger Banks. Hal jumps in the jeep and makes his way down an axis road. Hal comes to a stop as a bobcat carcass is blocking the road.
Hal gets out of his jeep to move it, Python 1 slides into his backseat. Hal returns and is attacked by Python 1 but traps it his jeep. Hal then tries to escape but is met by three more pythons (Python 2, 3 and 4) and killed.
26. EXT. SWAMP- LATER
A rainstorm occurs and the girls find shelter under a tree. The girls realize they have leeches on them. Candy panics and accidentally steps into an Alligator trap; her leg is nearly severed.
27. EXT. WATERWAY- CONTINUOUS
Ranger Banks and Sims cruise by as they head back to the main station, the girls hear the boat. Megan and Kayla run towards the shore and yell for help but are drowned out by thunder and heavy rain.
28. INT. MOVING BOAT- CONTINUOUS
Ranger Banks is informed by Ranger Charlie Baker that a body has been found on the same axis road Hal was on was. Ranger Banks informs Baker he is on his way back.
29. EXT. SWAMP- CONTINOUS
The alligators resurface and pursue the girls. The girls find a tall sturdy tree with an injured Candy. The water rises around them, the alligators circle. The python make their way towards the tree unbeknown to the girls.
30. EXT. AXIS ROAD- LATER
Ranger Banks makes his way back where he is met by Sheriff Dale and Dr. Lender. A police block is at the axis road, Python 4 is dead as the half-eaten body of Hal hangs out its extended mouth. Ranger Banks informs Dale and Lender there are possibly people missing in the glades.
31. INT. SUPPLY STORAGE- LATER
Ranger Banks takes sheriff Dale and Dr. Lender to collect weapons. They realize the situation will call for killing the reptiles if they are encountered. Banks shows Lender the arm he found, and it’s confirmed it was an alligator attack.
TIME LAPSE–
32. EXT. SWAMP TREE- DUSK
The girls wait out the storm out in the tree. Lynette spots a storage shed in the distance and tells the girls they need to get to it. The pythons make their way up the tree to attack the girls. Megan is killed while Kayla kills Python 3. The girls decide to take a chance to make it to the shack.
END OF ACT 2
ACT 3
33. EXT. MEGAN’S CAR- LATER
Ranger Banks and Dr. Lender arrive to Megan’s car. Banks finds her ID and calls it in, both men observe the area as it’s surrounded by water. Banks questions where they could have gone.
34. EXT. SWAMP TREE- LATER
The pythons have left but the alligators remain. Candy’s leg is severely infected, she decides to sacrifice it to the alligators so they can get away.
35. EXT. EVERGLADES PARK ENTRANCE- LATER
Ranger Banks and Dr. Lender meet back up with Sheriff Randal and Rangers Sims and Baker. Banks, Lender, and Baker meet with the two helicopter pilots with a rescue team and gather weapons and first aid, they begin to board one chopper while the other circles the entire area.
Randal and Sims agree to stay behind with law enforcement to keep guard of the entrance.
36. EXT. SWAMP TREE- LATER
The storm stops and the alligators fight over Candy’s leg as the girls jump into the water and swim towards the shore bank.
37. INT. HELICOPTER- LATER
Ranger Banks and Dr. Lender fly over the area where Megan’s car was found. It’s difficult to determine what direction the girls went.
38. EXT. SWAMP BANK- LATER
The girls make it out the water and look up in defeat to the helicopter as it zooms passed.
39. INT. SUPPLY SHACK- LATER
Kayla picks the lock to the shack and the girls take shelter. Inside they find blankets, first aid supplies and food. The girls rummaged through everything. Outside Python 1 and 2 make their way towards the shack.
40. INT. HELICOPTER- CONTINUOUS
The search is turning up empty and they are ready to head back. Ranger Banks informs the pilot that there is a supply shack not too far from their location and they should check it out just encase.
41. EXT. EVERGLADES FRONT ENTRANCE- LATER
Ranger Banks informs Sheriff Dale and Ranger Baker they are making a stop but so far, no sign of the girls.
42. EXT. SUPPLY SHACK- LATER
Ranger Banks, Dr. Lender, and Ranger Sims exit the helicopter towards the shack. Python 1 slides into the helicopter and attacks the pilot. The helicopter goes haywire, the pilot is able to send an SOS. The helicopter proceeds to crash and explode killing the pilot.
Python 1 slithers out of the fire into the water.
43. INT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS
Kayla opens the door to a ball of fire, she is then met by Ranger Banks, Dr. Lender, and Ranger Sims. The girls are relieved until they learn of the crash.
44. INT. SUPPLY SHACK
Ranger Banks digs out an old ham radio in the shack, it doesn’t work, and the group is stranded. Banks informs them there is a solid road that leads to the shack, but they’ll have to walk which will take hours. The group plans to fight with all they got.
45. EXT. SUPPLY SHACK- LATER
The group attempts to escape but are ambushed by the alligators, Ranger Sims is killed by them as the group retreats into the shack.
46. INT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS
Python 2 bursts through the floor and is killed by Lynette. Alligators 1 and 2 rush into the shack as Dr. Lender gets the girls out.
47. EXT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS
The second helicopter arrives to rescue the group. Dr. Lender and the girls get in while Ranger Banks traps the alligators inside the shack.
48. INT. SUPPLY SHACK- CONTINUOUS
Ranger Banks sets up a booby trap by attaching flares to two propane tanks, he rolls them towards the alligators and runs out the shack. Alligator 2 bites onto one and the shack explodes.
49. INT. HELICOPTER- LATER
The helicopter begins to leave when Alligator 1 re-emerges and grips onto the helicopter, the helicopter jerks hard and send Candy into the propellers tearing her to shreds. Dr. Lender grabs a flare gun and fires at Alligator 1, it kills it.
The helicopter flies off.
50. EXT. EVERGLADES FRONT ENTRANCE- EVENING
The helicopter lands and the group exits in relief. Python 1 was hiding under the helicopter and re-emerges. Python 1 attempts to attack the sisters but is killed by all the law enforcement on site.
SUPER: ONE MONTH LATER
51. INT. UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB- DAY
Dr. Lender presents the carcass of Python 1 to his class, he informs them they will examine the organs next class.
52. INT. LAB ROOM- LATER
Janet, Dr. Lender’s assistant dissects Python 1 and discovers hatched alligator eggs inside. Two baby alligators emerge and attack to Janet.
CUT TO BLACK
THE END
-
Benito Selim’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is separating every part of the story will help you in a better rewrite. I can isolate the key problems to fix in my script.
DETOUR- HORROR
Two sisters and their friends on their way to the Florida Keys for spring break become stranded in the everglades. Their situation becomes dire as they are hunted by reptiles who have grown mysteriously aggressive, unprovoked.
MAIN CONFLICT:
Two sisters attempting to mend their relationship decide to join friends in the Florida Keys for spring break. While making a pit stop, they become stranded deep in the Florida Everglades stalked by aggressive reptiles.
OPENING:
A new housing development near the Florida Everglades is the center of controversy when a protest erupts with claims that the company is using a harmful chemical towards reptiles, despite the company claiming it’s environmentally safe. The situation is defused by law enforcement but when the coast is clear, the site foreman is killed by two alligators (Alligator 1 and 2).
Later in the night, Kayla parties with her sorority sisters Megan and Candy, they make plans to go to the Florida Keys for spring break. Kayla doesn’t tell them she had already made plans with her sister Lynette to go home and visit their parents. Lynette calls her, but she ignores her call.
INCITING INCIDENT:
Lynette tells Kayla their parents are on vacation; the trip home is cancelled. Kayla talks Lynette into going with her to the keys. The group is stuck in traffic and takes a detour that will cut through the everglades.
BY PAGE 10, YOU KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT:
Kayla is trying to mend her relationship with her sister while they enter imminent danger in the everglades with their friends.
FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT 1:
Back at the construction site a reptile doctor named Aaron joins Sheriff Dale into investigation the alligators attacked. Aaron discovers paint from the houses that has drained into a river that connects to the everglades.
In the everglades, Lynette educates the girls on wildlife. Megan and Candy encounter Alligator 1 and 2, they feed them which Lynette discourages them from doing. Lynette informs them alligators will associate people with food and won’t hesitate to come up to them.
MID-POINT:
Megan takes the wrong way out and ends up deep in the glades where her car becomes stuck and sinks into a mud. The girls become stranded without anyone knowing they are there.
While making there way out they stumble upon three Pythons (Python 1, 2 and 3) who pursue the girls, just as the alligators find them. Unfamiliar with the environment, they all must band together to fight to stay alive.
SECOND TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT 2:
After Candy is killed, the girls are an open target as they venture deeper into the glades with nowhere to hide.
Aaron does a test with the paint and discovers it makes reptiles temporarily aggressive, once it washes off, they are back to normal, he contacts Sheriff Dale.
Ranger Paul discovers Megan’s abandoned car and calls it in. Aaron and Sheriff Dale arrive to inform him they must shut the park down. Paul tells them about people possibly stuck inside.
CRISIS:
Kayla, Lynette, and Megan are trapped inside a maintenance shack with the alligators and pythons closing in.
CLIMAX:
The alligators and pythons attack each other trying to get to the girls. Two helicopters arrive to rescue them. Megan along with two pilots, two pythons and the alligators are killed. Python 1 hides on one of the helicopters and makes it to the front entrance with the group, before it can hurt anyone it’s killed.
RESOLUTION:
Kayla and Lynette reconcile and found being through this traumatic experience showed they had more in common than they thought.
This ends on a cliffhanger. Python 1 is sent back to Aaron’s lab for research and alligator eggs are found inside them. The eggs are hatched and attack Aaron’s assistant who is conducting the test.
-
Benito Selim’s Logline and One Page.
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is having a clear description of your plot for a log line greatly helps with telling the entire story. The one page gets the whole script out to see what your focus is and what you want to tell the audience.
DETOUR- HORROR
Two sisters and their friends on their way to the Florida Keys for spring break become stranded in the everglades. Their situation becomes dire as they are hunted by reptiles who have grown mysteriously aggressive, unprovoked.
ONE PAGE
Protesters and News media block a construction crew from entering a new housing development close to the Florida Everglades. The site foreman arrives to defuse the situation with the local sheriff and law enforcement.
Protesters and Reporters demand answers on products they are using that have been deemed harmful to the environment. Other allegations are the construction is causing reptiles and animals to flee their home and attack humans in the area.
The site is cleared, and the foreman gets the crew situated for the day. As the foreman returns to his trailer, he is violently killed by two alligators (Alligator 1 and 2) who disappear before his body is discovered.
Kayla and Lynette (sisters) prepare to visit their parents back home while on spring break from college in Florida. Plans quickly change when their parents inform them, they are taking a vacation instead.
Lynette sad about the situation just wants to stay in but is convinced by Kayla to come on a road trip to the Florida Keys with her sorority sisters Megan and Candy.
The girls pass two stranded motorists near an open pond. The two alligators return and kill the couple. Back at the construction site, the sheriff enlists the help of a reptile doctor named Aaron.
Megan gets the idea to make a pit stop at the Everglades national park. To Lynette’s surprise the group stops and has a good time learning about wildlife in the park.
Megan decides to take a more scenic route and drives down an axis road for rangers only. Megan’s car gets stuck, and the girls become stranded without anyone knowing they’re there. While making their way through the everglades they become stalked by Alligator 1 and 2.
A ranger goes out for his routine patrol and discovers Megan’s car along with animal corpses. Aaron discovers that the paint the construction site is using is the cause for the reptile aggression. The paint is found to be leaking into a water way leading to the everglades.
Aaron teams up with the sheriff and they head to the everglades to notify the park. They partner with the ranger and told about the car found. They all agree to search for the girls.
The girls make their way through the park when they encounter a family of pythons (Python 1, 2 and 3) Candy is killed while the other three seek refuge, they give her body to the alligators to get away.
The girls find a maintenance shack while the pythons and alligators try to get them. The ranger, sheriff and Aaron find them when they are flown in by helicopter.
The pilot is attacked by Python 2 causing the helicopter to crash and killing them both. The actual rescue helicopter shows up to rescue everyone.
The sheriff and Ranger kill the Alligators and hop on the helicopter but Python 1 and 2 jump on as they are leaving. The ranger knocks off Python 1 from the helicopter. Megan is killed along with Python 2 when it gets aboard.
The rescue helicopter gets away and lands safely. Python 1 reappears but is killed before it can attack.
Months later in Aaron’s lab, his assistant conducts an autopsy on Python 1 and finds hatched alligator eggs in it’s system. The alligators surprise attack the assistant and kill her.
THE END
-
I’m Benito Selim, I’m from the San Francisco Bay Area.
I have written several shorts most of which I have expanded. I have a total of 8 scripts. 3 Features, 3 TV Pilots, 1 Graphic Novel, and 1 Spec script.
I have taken three classes with Hal and Chery in the past and since January this will be my third just this year; I love the information given and really hope to become motivated again and spark that flame of creation back up. I am ready to get my scripts back out there and hope it’s good enough to be optioned and even get writing assignments.
I am fascinated with true crime and how serial killers operate (not that I’m praising them) just can never understand the why to their crimes. I’m a huge horror fan (both film and TV) I love supernatural and ghost stories, growing up in a haunted house, plenty of stories come to mind. I’m excited to get this class flowing and get my career started.
-
I, Benito Selim promise I agree to the terms of this release form
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
-
Benito Selim’s Marketing Plan
What I learned doing this assignment is combing everything you have learned from the assignments in this course to put into action and begin your career as a professional writer. Marketing yourself to get the right connections as well as building your network of colleagues. Lastly, be able to produce a pricing guide based on the experience you have as a writer. Not being afraid to put the right price on your worth.
Subject line: Writing Assignments
Hi Wes,
I watched and enjoyed the two films you have on Shudder. Horror is my specialty, also.
I just wanted to let you know that I am available to do writing assignments — rewrite a screenplay, or write a screenplay from your idea, this also includes collaborating on an outline and/or Treatment. I have writing samples to provide if you would like to see them. I have pitched scripts before, submitted them to contests in the past, and worked with business professionals in sports and entrepreneurship to develop their books.
I wanted to thank you in advance for your time and have left my contact information below.
Thank you again,
Benito M. Selim
Phone (707) 554-6258
Email: Bmigsel79@gmail.com
LinkedIn Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/benito-selim-48325356
Three Things I am gonna do when I am ready to start marketing.
1. Research and connect with producers who specialize in horror films and TV shows
2. Put together and solid query letter and writing samples that are ready to be sent out immediately
3. Network with other writers who have done writing assignments. Keep up my writing buzz via social media.
-
Benito Selim’s Plan for Increasing Perceived Value
What I learned doing this assignment is I have a lot of work to do still. I have been out of the game for a while (3 years) since I have entered a contest or even pitched. I’ve gained confidence back and this time see a clearer picture of what I need to do and really make it happen. I loved this assignment broke down the necessary steps to take for me to make connections and get those writing assignments to start coming in.
1. What is your specialty?
My specialty is Horror. I have scripts in slasher, supernatural, and man vs nature.
2. How many producers do you have in your LinkedIn Network?
Ten. When I did the 1<sup>st</sup> search it narrowed it down to nine. One of them is my mentor from college and still accepts emails from me and does answer my questions via social media whenever they’re on.
3. Looking at the list above titled “Increasing Your Perceived Value,” please tell us your plan for increasing your value in these three-time frames:
A. Today– Updated my LinkedIn and revamped it to embody more the screenwriting aspect.
B. In the next 30 days– Polish up the scripts I have and begin making connections. I will have solid writing samples to provide.
C. In the next 6 months– Continue to connect, by this time will have received at least one writing assignment and pushing for my second.
-
Benito Selim is a Note Taking Professional!
What I learned is effective notetaking will ensure a successful career as a writer. The more effective your notes are changes and improvements will be easier to implement. The producer’s vision needs to be present no matter how much or little you add or take away. This also shows your versatility as a writer and ability to take direction well, this can guarantee more in the future.
The Spellbinder
Logline: A band’s farewell performance turns into chaos when lyrics they take from an ancient binder turn everyone into bloodthirsty demons. A group of survivors must band together to send them back to their twisted dimension before they take out mankind.
Cut the budget in half. The original script calls for the concert to take place in a huge stadium complex. The first effort in cutting the budget would be to move the concert to a lounge-like setting. This will have the crowd at about twenty to thirty people if that is instead of thousands.
Another budget cut would be practical effects versus CGI. CGI would have be cheaper and wouldn’t take away from the film to make it look cheap.
Write it for a different audience (quadrant). Right now, the movie is written with teens and young adults in mind. Being this film is original and not a remake or part of a franchise, it would heavily rely on the production company being well known to go away from this age group. An alternative would be to see what age group is streaming the most and what platforms would this film go on, potentially.
Double the conflict. The villains are essentially the demons as they also play as the obstacle. Rory is our antagonist of sorts in the beginning until his character. Dean is revealed as the villain responsible for it all. I’m looking a potentially having Dean be a demon himself who cannot be killed and pretty much has set the fate for everyone in the venue as well as the outside world. This would make for more suspense in the film.
Change the sex and age of the lead character. The one change in the works is having Jackson, a younger character along with his co-worker Candice (also young) as our lead heroes, instead of the secondaries. Benny, a brut muscled up security guard is the hero leading everyone to safety as of now. But, having him step back will up the action and suspense.
Change the genre. I feel horror is the most suitable being the script is an all-out gore fest and involves Demons. The most would be thriller or suspense, but the gore and demons would be heavily toned down.
-
Benito Selim’s Decreased Budget
What I learned doing this assignment is you have to make sacrifices in the end. We all want to see our project completed as envisioned, but the reality is the funding and budget. To be more practical on spending it may take big changes just to get into production. The idea is in the beginning to write the project you like but look at potential roadblocks when really flushing out the story.
The Spellbinder- Reduced budget
– The first would be to change the setting from a huge stadium concert to a smaller house almost lounge-like setting. The crowd will be literally about twenty as opposed to thousands. The effect of the movie will not be changed but can contribute to the pace of it.
– Cut the dialogue down, thought It was about 100 pages, I can get it down to 90.
– The special effects can rely more on CGI, cutting down some of the more expensive practical effects.
– The ending takes place with our heroes escaping on a helicopter and the military dropping bombs on the venue. Since the venue will be smaller, an explosion can still take place but on a smaller scale. Another option would be re-writing the end to have our heroes escape on foot without blowing up the place.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Benito Selim.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
-
Benito Selim’s Rewrite of Mark Doddy’s Treatment
What I learned doing this assignment is to ask the right questions to get the producer’s full vision out. Have in the depth conversations to understand the story, setting and characters displayed as the producer has envisioned them. Refrain from giving feedback and instead give input to help in moving the project further along.
Title: Sharkinators
Genre: Science Fiction, Horror
Logline: Robotic Sharks were created and are designed to clean up the oceans. But they are also secretly designed to be a military weapon. – They’re Robotic Sharks What could go wrong?
Lead Characters:
Scott (protagonist) Ex-Nasa Scientist that has an unhedged genius for technology. Shy and reserved viewed as a pushover at times.
Jerome (antagonist) Scientist who leans more on the business side. The persuasive talker that always looks out for himself.
Jessica (love interest co-ed) attractive and smart science major. Admires Scott’s career and the impact he has had on their fieldwork.
Audience: Syfy Channel fans, young adults
Budget: $5M
Treatment:
The film begins in Catalina Island during Spring Break. Five college students including Jessica rent a speed boat and explore the Pacific Ocean. Not far from Catalina the group encounters an island entirely made of garbage primarily consisting of large amounts of plastic, the boat becomes stuck as plastic rings are tangled in the propellor. Everyone steps onto it to try and free the boat.
The group notices the island begins to evaporate in sections, before long a large mechanical shark with a red patch on its head is visible. The shark is eating up all the plastic but fails to stop when it comes into the student’s path. One by one they are eaten alive by the shark except for Jessica who manages to escape back to the boat. Enough plastic has been consumed that she is able to drive the boat away from the garbage island.
Three hours earlier, Scott and Jerome are aboard a luxury yacht preparing a presentation to government officials and wealthy investors. Scott expresses concern to Jerome about the quality of their invention since he was rushed to complete it. Jerome ensures him it’s just a presentation and once the deal is final, they can go back to make the necessary changes, nothing can go wrong since they are only showing prototypes.
Scott prepares three sharks, one of which he has run out of material, so he uses a red patch (Shark 1) to seal the head of the shark. Scott and Jerome conduct their presentation, they unveil the island of garbage (Jessica and her friends encounter). Jerome sets the sharks free; they immediately eat away at the island. Shark 3 fails to stop eating midway and dies out, but Shark 1 and 2 continue. Jerome gives notice to the group watching as they seemed disappointed and not impressed. Jerome retrieves the remote control and decides to enhance the shark’s performance. Scott tries to intervene and even pleads with Scott not to, but he ignores him and does it.
The sharks immediately begin to be more aggressive towards the island and eat faster. The group grows amused and applauds the sharks. Shark 2 then turns towards the yacht and rams it. Shark 2 then picks up speed and leaps over the yacht deck knocking an investor, Frank, and a deckhand into the water. Frank and the deckhand attempt to get back onto the yacht but are killed. Scott tries to shut the sharks down but it’s too late they are no longer responding to the remote.
Shark 1 and 2 join forces to ram a hole into the yacht, everyone panics as water rushes in. Shark 2 makes it way in and begins to eat up everyone in sight leaving none of the group or crew to survive. The gallies of the yacht are filled with red water. Shark 2 then takes out the propellor and part of the engine is damaged the yacht sits adrift with no power.
The garbage island drifts off, Shark 1 follows it. Scott notes that if they only have one shark to deal with, they can shut it down. A security guard leads Scott and Jerome to a safer area since they are the only survivors now.
Hours pass and Shark 2 circles mindlessly in and around the yacht, the three survivors grow restless. Jerome scans the oceans with binoculars for help and in the far distance spots what appears to be an abandoned barge.
Suddenly a speed boat approaches the yacht. Scott and Jerome are flagging them down, the boat gets closer and it’s Jessica, she is heading towards the yacht for help. Shark 2 then rams into the boat causing her to ram into the yacht and be tossed into the water, the speedboat sits adrift. Shark 1 re-appears and is close to getting her when Scott pulls her up out of harm’s way.
Jessica tells Scott the story of her friends, Scott can see both sharks approaching and pulls Jessica into a metal box with him. Both sharks pass paying no mind to the box. Scott explains to Jessica about the sharks and what their purpose was supposed to be. Jessica tells him about being a science major and how she is very familiar with his work. There is chemistry between the two, but they know they must get to safety first.
The security guard comes down to find Scott and Jessica but gets chased by Shark 2, he manages to outrun Shark 2; until Shark 1 surprises him and both sharks kill him. In the process, they end up eating another hole through the bottom of the yacht. Scott and Jessica swim their way out of the box and make it to stairs leading to the top deck. Both sharks pursue and obliterate the metal box.
At the top Scott finds Jerome and questions him about the sharks. Jerome admits he manipulated the sharks into weapons since the real money is in that. The two begin to fight and Jerome shoves Scott out of the way. The yacht shifts as it begins to sink, Jerome jumps overboard to the speedboat.
Jerome leaves Scott and Jessica behind. The sharks locate them and attack them, they gather as many items as possible to slow the sharks down, and its works. They climb to the highest point of the yacht; Scott locates Shark 3 now on its side. Scott tells Jessica he needs to get to Shark 3 since he can rewire it to self-destruct, Scott continues that he never trusted Jerome to give him the full blueprints on the designs of the sharks.
Jessica distracts the sharks while Scott retrieves Shark 3, he rewires it and gives Jessica the signal it’s ready. Scott gets Shark 3 back into the sinking yacht, Jessica meets him and the two begin to gather as much garbage and materials as possible. They make a large enough pile and lure the sharks into a corner part of the yacht.
The sharks immediately attack the pile. Scott slides in Shark 3 behind them. Shark 2 eats through and charges at them. As they try to escape Jessica becomes entangled in plastic, Shark 2 nips at her leg, it doesn’t get it but manages to cut her bad. The blood gets Shark 1’s attention and it joins Shark 2.
Scott frantic throws several life vests at Shark 1, they fill its mouth, and it stops to chew and process them. Shark 2 swims towards Jessica but Scott grabs a crowbar that is floating and takes it to its head. Shark 2 stops and sinks, Scott frees Jessica, she gives him a passionate kiss; he and Jessica find a fiberglass raft and jump into it.
Shark 3 explodes inside the yacht; the force sends Scott and Jessica speeding off in a wave away from the explosion. They are luckily head towards the barge; they manage to reach the barge which was closer than they thought. The two hold each other as they watch the burning yacht sink.
Elsewhere Jerome is stuck as the engine in the speedboat has overheated. As Jerome works on it, pieces of debris begin to pass by the boat without him noticing. Jerome then looks up and begins to panic, before he can react Shark 1 eats through a pile and jumps towards him on the boat.
The End.
-
Benito Selim’s Fantastic Treatment
Title: The Spellbinder
Genre: Horror
Logline: Survivors trapped in a concert venue race against time to escape when the headlining band’s new song lyrics turn spectators into bloodthirsty demons.
ACT 1
Dawn, the sun just rises over the city. Large trucks with “Seven Sphere- Farewell Tour” banners on them line up to drop equipment off into the Hellion Center, a new state of the art concert venue. Jackson Reed, a production runner (gofer) for the tour dashes in the production office, he is given a list of meaningless tasks. One of which is to help set up the band’s dressing room.
Outside the venue an unmarked van pulls up and sketchy looking man attempts to give security a package. After looking through the package it is cleared and delivered. Jackson and his closest co-worker Candice Smith join others inside to fix up the dressing room and receive the package. Jackson is instructed to remove the contents and set it up on a stand, the contents is an ancient looking binder. Jackson comments it’s cool and told it is the bands new music written out.
Time lapse throughout the day and several crews have a clash of egos and throw their weight around. Kevin, the outspoken tour manager, Katelynn, the side playing assistant and Cindy, the production manner discuss this being the band’s first show. The band arrives and everyone in the building jump to their feet to greet them (groupie style) Jackson and Candice are advised to turn away and not look at the band.
Rory Cross, the lead singer enters with members Rocky, Bert, Nelson, and Mike. Dean Quinn, a former band member who was kicked out the group at the rise of their success joins the band again for their final tour. The band gets settled in and admires the gothic styled binder they’ll take their new music from. The band is in good spirits and left all in the past. The opening bands play their sets.
Seven Sphere takes the stage and pleases the sold-out crowd. Rory introduces new music and begins playing a song with a Latin type of language. A large disruption occurs in the crowd and the band gives notice. Security attempts to break it up but are attacked themselves. Blood sprays across the front row and onto the band. The spectators have become ravaging demons and begin to kill anyone in sight. Dean grabs onto Rory and the two are taken away by Benny, the head of security and fellow security guard Will. Unfortunately Rocky, Bert, Nelson and Mike meet their fates.
Jackson, Candice, Kevin, Katelynn, and Cindy manage to make it to a secluded room where security brings in Rory and Dean. The group barricades the door and listen in horror as people are literally torn to shreds. The building alarm goes off and locks down the entire building, preventing anyone from getting in or out.
ACT 2
After hours of being barricaded the group cannot no longer hear screaming, the generator is on and only emergency lighting is on. The group takes a vote and decides to send Jackson and Candice out to investigate, Rory volunteers to go with them, but is held back and told he is too valuable. Benny feels it’s not right and joins Jackson and Candice.
Benny, Jackson, and Candice make their way through the venue. Benny guides them to an upstairs suite where concert goers Judy, Mason, and Paige have hidden. They inform them about the venue sealing itself up. Benny convinces the group they need to make it up to his security office, it’s more secure but with limited power they may not get it. Despite being a risk, the group decides it would be the best move.
Back in the first room, Rory grows impatient and wants to leave even at the discouragement of Will. Rory expresses they should attempt to escape because he doesn’t want to die in that room. Will tells the group to stay back while he looks around. Will clears the way and relates back to the group there is a path. Before the group can all exit, Dean accidently drops a chair that was barricading the door; the sound travels and a dozen demons rush to the area where Kevin, Katelynn and Cindy are killed.
Benny and the group make their way back downstairs, demons spot them and attack, the group fights back with various weapons, but nothing seems to help not even stabbing them. Mason and Paige are killed, and Judy is injured but survives.
Candice strikes a demon with a pipe; she knocks its head off and it disintegrates. The group realize decapitation is the only way to kill them. The group make it to the security room, the security cameras work, and Benny can see most of the venue including outside. The group is frightened at swarms of the demons in the building scavenging. Outside the venue is surrounded by every law enforcement agency, the group then notice military approaching with weapons. Outside military personnel inform the law enforcement they had a similar incident occur in the past and they are gonna demolish the building by blowing it up.
ACT 3
Will, Rory and Dean run through the venue crossing the main stage. The three maneuver around puddles of blood and body parts. Dean gives notice to something on the ground and stops to cover it. Will and Rory yell to him, but he is separated and makes his way under the stage out of sight to the demons. Will and Rory continue to run, Will leads Rory towards the security room.
Benny sees them approaching and lets them in. Will and Rory collapse on the ground. The group attends to them. Benny attempts to contact those outside but the only phone available is dead. Benny remembers a solar powered emergency phone they haven’t put; it has a slight charge, but the group collect flashlights to power it up.
As the group sits in waiting, Judy says she feels ill and needs to lye down. Rory talks about his band and how this music was sent to him. Candice comments on the style of the binder and tells Rory she recognized the lyrics as a demon conjuring in Latin, she informs Rory he has to finish the whole text and not just the verses they were using as hooks. By them finishing it will send the demons back. Candice also tells Rory if you have the binder, you can possess power to control them, all of this she learned while studying supernatural beliefs.
Benny gets the phone to work and can reach the police who dispatch him to the commander outside. Benny is informed of the venues destruction which will be inevitable, and the group must get to the roof in the next hour or they parish as well. after hanging up the commander informs the team to speed up the process, they can’t risk the survivors not being possessed.
Benny springs the news on the group, Rory is the first to tell everyone they must go now. Jackson gives notice to the cameras, the demons on the venue floor begin to part like the red sea. Dean comes out from under the stage carrying the binder, but the demons do not attack him.
Rory is happy he is alive and want to go to him, but Candice tells him not to trust him. Rory disagrees and pushes his way out the room. Instead of chasing him they let him go. Judy awakes from her nap, but just stands in the corner. Benny begins to lead the group out since Rory will bring attention to them, as they go to guide Judy, Will sees she has turned and alerts the group.
Judy attacks Will and rips out his throat, she then turns to the others, but Jackson slams the door onto her head. The group holds her in the door, but she is too strong to hold. Candice then grabs a fire extinguisher and slams down on her head, knocking it right off, they know will is gonna turn so they quickly make their way towards the roof.
Dean sees Rory coming to him and informs the demons to stand down. Rory runs to him and tells him to come with him they are escaping. Dean laughs at Rory and tells him; he is not getting out of here. Dean elaborates on when he was kicked out the band, he hit rock bottom and lost everything. Dean then tells Rory he learned black magic and how to conjure, this was part of his plan all along to ruin everything about the band specifically Rory.
Dean orders the demons to capture Rory. Dean tells him he doesn’t want to kill him yet, not until he knows he’s out this way he can tell the world how horrible Rory was.
Benny, Jackson, and Candice make it to the beams across the roof. Benny shows them where they need to go and that there is a launchpad up top. As they begin to cross, Dean appears and tells them Rory is responsible for it all. Candice nudges Jackson who notices Dean holding the binder. Benny tells him they need to go. Dean tells the group, only he is leaving. Demons begin to emerge they hold onto Rory.
Jackson looses up a piece of medal piping, Candice gives the signal and Jackson hits Dean who drops the binder. Candice grabs the binder, she orders the demons back, but to get Dean. The demons all jump onto Dean who falls to the ground with them, more demons pile on him and an eruption of blood sprays.
Candice gives Rory the binder, Rory finishes the verse as a giant portal opens on the venue floor. The demons are sucked in as well as other parts of the venue. Rory completes the verse and the portal closes. The group opens the roof hatch, and the helicopter spots them. They make their way up, but Rory stops, Candice questions. Rory has numerous claw gashes on his side and back, they pulsate.
Rory holds onto the binder and tells them he doesn’t want to take any chances, the binder and him will both go down with the building. Rory climbs back into the building and closes the hatch. Benny, Jackson, and Candice climb onto the helicopter and watch as fighter jets speed by dropping bombs on the venue. It is destroyed.
A year later in the California desert, the outside oasis festival is set to open when the unmarked van arrives again with the same sketchy man making a delivery. He drops off the package and gets back into his van, he is revealed to be a demon, Rory.
The End
-
Benito Selim’s Synopsis for Producer Interview
What I learned in this assignment is gathering what you have learned so far and applying it to writing out for a producer’s vision. Ask the right questions and keep the communication clear to ensure you and the producer are on the same page.
Title: The Spellbinder
Genre: Horror (Supernatural)
Logline: A group of survivors band together after being trapped in a concert venue when a famous rock band’s new song puts out a spell that turns everyone’s into bloodthirsty Demons.
Synopsis: A world-famous rock band is kicking off their tour in a new state-of-the-art arena, what better way to start than with new material. The band decides to do a new song going back to their roots with it handwritten, upon performing the lyrics come across as odd then all hell breaks loose. The audience and others in the venue begin attacking each other and are transformed into demons. The venue automatically seals up the exits and traps in anyone who couldn’t escape. Through the chaos, a group of survivors band together and plan their escape when they discover it was an ancient scroll that replaced their handwritten lyrics. Someone amongst the group holds the key to ending the whole event, but what side are they on?
-
Benito Selim’s Horror Writing Sample Plan
What I learned from this assignment is to give the most attractive part of your script to hook in producers to hire you. Show them you are an expert at the genre you have chosen and why. Deliver on that genre to nail your writing audition.
DETOUR – HORROR
THE OPENING: A giant protest takes place on a construction site in a newly developing Florida neighborhood near the everglades. The construction company is accused of disturbing the natural habitat of the wildlife.
News reports are claiming residents of a nearby community are seeing more animals than usual and they are attacking each other and humans without being provoked. The site foreman Marty denies these allegations and has the scene disburse with police assistants.
An alligator hiding under Marty’s trailer awakes in anger and proceed to attack and kill him, this scares off the construction crew who look on in horror.
An hour or so away at a university, Kayla Evans joins her sorority sisters Candy and Meghan for a Frat Party. The girls have decided to head to the Florida Keys for spring break, Kayla has not broken the news however to her sister and roommate Lynette. The two sisters are supposed to be heading home together for spring break to see their parents.
Kayla comes up with a story to tell Lynette but knows it will cause more friction since Kayla is always flaking. The next morning as they get ready, Lynette receives a call from her parents telling her to not come home since they had planned a trip themselves and won’t be there. Kayla decides to invite Lynnette to come with her and her friends to the Keys. Lynette objects but after much convincing, she decides to go.
Back at the construction site, Sherriff Dale Randal reports to the scene and is notified that Aaron Lender, a herpetologist from the University of Florida will be joining the investigation to give his expertise. Sherriff Randal and Aaron examine the scene, but Aaron is puzzled as to why Marty was attacked because he wasn’t eaten.
Aaron takes a sample of a chemical he finds in a nearby pond. He will take it back to his lab to give a thorough examination.
INT. UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI SCIENCE LAB- LATER
Aaron meets with JANET MEYER, 20s intern and lab assistant.
JANET
How it’d go at the site?
AARON
I think I found something.
Aaron removes the SAMPLE from his JACKET POCKET and puts it on A TABLE.
JANET
What is it?
AARON
I took a sample of the new environmentally safe paint; they’re using.
JANET
Are you planning to paint your office?
AARON
No. There was a good amount flowing into the creeks, nearby.
Janet questions.
AARON
Imma try an experiment.
Aaron grabs A SWAB and dips it into the sample. Aaron and Janet approach a TANK with HANK inside, A NON-VENOMOUS SNAKE. Aaron opens the tank; he rubs the swab down Hank’s BACK. Aaron and Janet stare at the tank.
JANET
What do you expect to happen?
AARON
I’m not exactly sure.
Hank SLITHERS around as normal. Aaron and Janet leave the tank.
Aaron puts the sample under a MICROSCOPE. Janet ruffles through PAPERS next to him.
AARON
I’m not seeing anything, out of the ordinary.
JANET
It’s the paint? That caused the gators to flip out?
AARON
Whatever is used to make it. It’s causing reptiles to be aggressive, but Hank seems fine.
Aaron grabs his jacket and CAR KEYS.
JANET
Heading out?
AARON
Yeah, it was my day off. I just came in for…
SOUND: THUMPING
Janet and Aaron turn in the direction of the noise. The sound grows louder.
JANET
What’s that noise?
AARON
I’m not sure.
Aaron puts down his belongings, he, and Janet approach Hank’s tank. Hank is striking at the tank’s WALLS.
JANET
Should we take him out?
AARON
No, he’ll attack.
Hank continues to strike. Hank COILS up and takes ONE HARD STRIKE.
SOUND: GLASS CRACKING
Hank hits the front of the tank. The tank SHATTERS in place. Hank falls DEAD.
Aaron and Janet stare on. Aaron hesitates, then opens the tank. Aaron slides his hand in slow, he retracts when he gets close to Hank. Aaron gathers himself, grabs hank and lifts him out.
JANET
Is he dead?
AARON
Yes. His neck is broke.
JANET
We need to notify the city. This chemical is lethal and draining into every water source, down to the glades.
AARON
The glades? How far is that from here?
JANET
Twenty-thirty minutes, I think. Why?
Aaron gathers his belongings.
JANET
Where are you going?
AARON
I need to meet with the rangers. I’ll be out, the rest of the day.
Aaron exits.
INT. MOVING CAR- AFTERNOON
The girls SPEED down the freeway. Megan, Kayla, and Candy DANCE to THE RADIO. Lynette sits quiet and stares out the window. Kayla turns to Lynette and grabs her HAND. The two exchange SMILES.
KAYLA
How long does it take to get there?
MEGAN
My GPS said two and a half or three hours.
CANDY
Shit. Was it this?
The car, SLOWS TO A STOP. DOZENS OF CARS sit on the freeway in GRIDLOCK.
LYNETTE
This might be a sign.
KAYLA
Lynette, seriously?
LYNETTE
What? I’m just saying…
KAYLA
Megan, can you look on your phone and see if there’s a different road, we can take.
Megan TYPES on her phone. Candy FLIRTS with a CAR FULL OF BOYS, next to her.
MEGAN
Candy. Can you look at this thing for me?
Megan points to her phone.
CANDY
You’re cock blocking.
MEGAN
Please. They’re easily from a community college. Besides, I need to watch the road.
CANDY
Unless the road is the bumper of the Volvo in front of us, we’re not moving.
Kayla intervenes.
KAYLA
Give it here. I’ll look.
Kayla grabs the phone. Kayla and Lynette search the area roads.
KAYLA
There’s a highway about, four miles up.
LYNETTE
It runs through the everglades.
Lynette gives a slight smile.
KAYLA
You ever been there?
LYNETTE
No. I did a research paper on it, last year.
MEGAN
Is there an escape out of this mess or what, Kayla?
KAYLA
Yes. There’s a highway that runs through the everglades, then meets up with the freeway to the keys.
MEGAN
Ooh, field trip.
CANDY
Oh my god, I haven’t been there since I was like, ten. Lynette, did you plan this?
All the girls laugh including Lynette.
LYNETTE
No. There’s other means of torture.
Megan looks to Lynette in the REARVIEW MIRROR.
MEGAN
Maybe, you can educate us on the wildlife. Starting with the beasts next to us.
All the girls, turn their attention to the car full of boys. One boy, VOMITS out of the back WINDOW. All the girls laugh at him. TRAFFIC begins to move; the girls drive off.
EXT. FLORIDA HIGHWAY- AFTERNOON
PRESTON and SHELBY MILLER, 20’s newlyweds still dressed in wedding clothes stand by their CAR as it OVERHEATS. The highway is surrounded by THE SWAMP. No VEHICLES in sight. Preston POPS THE HOOD. SMOKE COVERS their faces
SOUND: COUGHING
SHELBY
What now?
PRESTON
I’ll put some coolant in and hopefully, it’ll start.
SHELBY
I’ll just call a tow.
PRESTON
A tow for what? It’s overheating, not broken.
SHELBY
Do you even know where we are?
Preston scans the area and stops at a sign.
PRESTON
Looks like we’re pretty close to the glades. Not quite Tampa yet.
Shelby grows annoyed and walks to the side of the car. Shelby removes her PHONE from her PURSE, she has NO SIGNAL.
SOUND: SPLASHING
Shelby turns to the swamp behind her. The SWAMP BRUSH moves, Shelby steps back and turns to Preston.
SHELBY
Preston, are you almost done?
PRESTON
I have to let the coolant sit. Just for a few minutes.
Shelby continues to stare at the brush. A small SQUIRREL appears. Shelby exhales and walks back to Preston.
Alligator #1, JUMPS OUT of the water and DEVOURS the squirrel.
Shelby stops at the hood of the car.
SHELBY
It’s creepy out here. Can we wait in the car?
PRESTON
It should be ok, now. Go ahead and try to start it.
INT/EXT. CAR- CONTINUOUS
Shelby tries to start the car, she is unsuccessful.
Alligator #1 steps out of the water, A STREAK OF PAINT runs across its back. Alligator #1, SNEAKS UP to the driver’s side of the car.
PRESTON
Shelby, try it again.
SHELBY
Why isn’t it starting?
Shelby gives it another try, the car starts. The car engine gives an explosive roar. Alligator #1 JUMPS through Shelby’s window. The car SHAKES VIOLENTLY. Preston steps back, but his view is BLOCKED by the hood.
SOUND: CAR HOOD SLAMMED
Preston walks to the driver’s side. Shelby is gone, BLOOD covers the WINDSHIELD and SEATS.
PRESTON
Shelby?
Preston inspects and finds SHELBY’S ARM still clenched on THE STEERING WHEEL.
Preston horrified, JUMPS back. Alligator #2 emerges from the water. Preston turns towards the water, alligator #2 LEAPS at him, and pulls him into the water.
MOMENTS LATER.
SOUND: GASP AND SPLASHING
Preston jumps out from the water. Alligator #2 attempts to re-grab him, but he gets away. Preston runs towards the car; Alligator #1 is on the car’s ROOF and DIVES into Preston.
Preston is caught by surprise; he falls back into the water and lands in Alligator #2’s mouth. Both alligators push Preston underwater. The water turns red as A RING floats to the top.
MOMENTS LATER.
SEVERAL VEHICLES drive by.
INT. MOVING CAR- LATER
The girls, pass a sign that reads “WELCOME TO EVERGLADES NATIONAL PARK”. Candy and Lynette NAP, Kayla taps Lynette.
KAYLA
Look outside. We’re here.
LYNETTE
It’s so big and beautiful.
MEGAN
Beautiful? It’s all slime and dirt.
LYNETTE
Sure, from the outside. If you could see all the wildlife and plants, I bet you would change your mind.
MEGAN
You’re right. Let’s stop.
LYNETTE
Well, I didn’t say that.
MEGAN
What better way to learn, but to interact with the park.
Megan gives Lynette and Kayla a smirk in the rear-view mirror. Lynette sinks into her seat. Kayla gives Megan, a GLARE. Candy wakes up.
CANDY
Where are we?
MEGAN
The everglades and we’re about to stop.
CANDY
Seriously?
MEGAN
Yes. Lynette is giving us the inside scoop. Besides, I have to pee.
CANDY
Good. Me too.
MEGAN
Potty break, Kayla, and Lynette?
KAYLA
You’re such a bitch, Megan.
Candy and Megan exchange looks and burst out in laughter.
EXT. EVERGLADES VISITOR CENTER- LATER
RESTROOM
Kayla waits for the girls and stares out to the swamp. Megan joins her.
MEGAN
Panda bears don’t live here. Do they?
Kayla stares at Megan, her arms are crossed.
MEGAN
Kayla, lighten up. I’m just joking.
KAYLA
Sometimes, Megan, you guys aren’t funny. I know my sister can be, a jr. Einstein too much. But she’s still my sister and as my friend, I wish you could respect that.
MEGAN
I do. I’m sorry, I’ll lay off. We don’t need any downers for our trip.
KAYLA
Agreed. Thank you.
MEGAN
You owe me an apology, too. You called me, a bitch.
KAYLA
How can I be sorry for something, that’s true.
Both girls laugh. Megan gives Kayla a shove. Candy and Lynette return.
CANDY
Do we, like get snacks to feed the animals?
MEGAN
I guess. I don’t know.
Kayla, Megan, and Candy look to Lynette.
LYNETTE
No. Especially gators.
KAYLA
They let you feed them at Gatorworld.
LYNETTE
That’s different, they’re enclosed. Alligators normally don’t bother people. So, if you feed them, they lose their fear of people and associate you with food.
CANDY
Like, stray cats do?
LYNETTE
Sort of. But stray cats can’t eat you.
KAYLA
No. Lynette are you messing with us.
LYNETTE
I’m serious. Plus, if you feed them human food, they’ll walk on two feet.
The girls stare at Lynette with WIDE EYES. Lynette bursts out in laughter.
CANDY
It’s about time you loosened up.
MEGAN
It’s still early let’s check out the trail.
CANDY
There’s a lot of bugs out here.
LYNETTE
Most of them are attracted to your body spray.
CANDY
Gross. Let’s make this quick.
The girls make their way towards THE VISITORS TRAIL. Kayla walks to Lynette, the two put their arms around each other.
EXT. VISITORS TRAIL- LATER
All four girls, walk the trail and observe the scenery. A CRANE drinks from the water.
MEGAN
That bird, over there is a crane.
CANDY
You stood awake in science?
MEGAN
I seen that karate bear movie.
Kayla turns to Lynette.
KAYLA
Aren’t you glad you came, now?
-
Benito Selim’s Key Business Decisions
What I learned from this assignment is to get your work attracted by the interest in the story but most important from a marketing standpoint. Know your film in and out, especially the budget, the idea is always great and will drive sales but if you don’t have the business side in place it won’t get off the ground.
Genre: Horror
Title: Detour
Concept: Four friends (two of which are sisters) on their way to the Florida Keys for spring break make a stop in the everglades only to become stranded and fight to survive against its inhabitants.
Audience: Teens to young adults (18-25) and any horror fan
Budget: 5 to 10 million
Lead Characters: Kayla Evans and Lynette Evans
Add. Characters: Candy Stevens, Meghan Smith, Aaron Lender, and Sheriff Dale Randal
Journey / Character Arc:
Kayla Evans
She is living it up in college. She was always the spoiled one and used to getting her way. She doesn’t take college seriously but views it as one big party. She recently joined a sorority; she had looked up before even picking her classes. She is constantly at odds with her sister Lynette and even as roommates they cannot find common ground.
Lynette Evans
A serious student who wants to excel in college just as she did in high school. She feels she constantly must babysit her sister and keep in line. She is in college to learn, earn a reputable degree, and find a successful career.
Before going on their trip, Kayla begins to have a change of heart and wants to make their relationship better. After all, they are sisters, not just roommates. Kayla is the one who convinces her sorority sisters to let Lynette come even though she is not part of their crowd. Kayla wants to prove to Lynette they have more in common than she thinks.
Lynette does not want to spend her spring break with a party crowd, at all. Since their trip to visit their parents is canceled, she decides to go since she feels maybe she is being too cold towards Kayla. Lynette reflects college will be their last teenage experience before going into adulthood.
When the group becomes trapped in the everglades and are hunted by the predators. Kayla is catapulted into both survival mode. For the first time since they were kids, Lynette and Kayla work together and depend on each other for their survival as well as their friends.
The sisters unsure of their future know they cannot live without each other and will fight to the death to ensure this.
Opening: Kayla and Lynette are at odds since Kayla is flakey and just wants to party. They plan a trip to visit their parents, but it gets canceled. Kayla talks Lynette into coming with her and her friends to the Florida Keys for spring break. On the way, Kayla convinces her friends to do something nice for Lynette and they stop in the everglades.
Meanwhile, a newly formed community near the everglades is disturbing the natural habitat. To try and avoid bad press, the construction company uses a newly developed paint on the houses that is said to be nontoxic and unharmful to plants and wildlife. The paint turns to enrage most reptiles this includes two alligators and three pythons in a nearby pond.
Ending: After the rampage ensues and the alligators and python leave a trail of bodies behind. The two sisters and their friends must fight to the death to escape being killed themselves. They are all forced to work together in an environment none of them are used to.
-
Benito Selim’s Specialty – Horror
What I learned in this assignment is watching the movie for not just entertainment but marketability. Of course, you want to entertain but does the film hold value to make a good profit. Asking the questions can it be a franchise? What makes it memorable?
My specialty is horror. I have a connection with horror films because they truly take you into an extreme world of fear. A lot of the movies share a deeper meaning than what is on the surface.
Genre: Horror
Sub: Slasher, Modern Classic, Final Girl, Revenge
Title: Friday the 13<sup>th</sup> (1980)
A group of camp counselors at an abandoned summer campsite set to re-open, find themselves stalked by a relentless killer who doesn’t want the camp to open.
How it delivered on the genre conventions: Friday the 13<sup>th</sup> has been hailed as one of the original slasher films (aside from Halloween and Black Christmas) it covers all the basic themes of survival, stalking, gruesome kills, and of course the final girl.
The soundtrack is a huge plus to this film’s success, it plays on the emotions of the viewer and at times signals what they should be feeling. This along with the POV element keeps the audience guessing to the very end of who the killer is.
The setting made this movie, in the middle of woods away from any civilization making them vulnerable to the environment.
OUTLINE: the film begins in 1958 when two teens are brutally murdered at Camp Crystal Lake by an unknown assailant.
Twenty-two years later Friday, June 13<sup>th</sup>, 1980, Camp Crystal Lake is set to be re-open after disastrous years of trauma. A young woman named Annie is hitchhiking through a small town to make it to the camp. She is warned by the town drunk Ralph that the camp is cursed and everyone who steps foot will die there.
Annie still pursues and gets a ride by a mysterious driver, the driver misses the turn, and Annie panics, and she jumps out of the vehicle into the woods. Annie is stalked by the driver who catches up to her and kills her.
At the camp, owner Steve Christy works to renovate the remainder of the camp before re-opening. He is assisted by Alice, Ned, Jack, Bill, Marcie, and Brenda, all-new camp counselors. Steve heads back into town while the counselors settle in and finish with last-minute touch-ups.
While finishing duties, Ralph shows up to warn all of them they will die if they don’t leave. The group ignores him and finishes with chores. Annie’s killer now makes their way on the campgrounds and is seen by Ned walking into the cabins, Ned follows to not be seen again.
A thunderstorm approaches where the killer sets the rampage in motion stalking and killing the counselors one by one in the isolated campground. All lines of communication to the outside world are cut and Alice is alone.
Alice discovers the corpses and is frantic when suddenly a woman by the name of Mrs. Voorhies arrives at the grounds. Alice begs for help which Mrs. Voorhies assures her she will do.
Upon talking with Mrs. Voorhies, she tells Alice that she worked at the camp for years until her son, Jason died drowning in the lake. Mrs. Voorhies reveals it’s Jason’s birthday then becomes enraged because it was the counselor’s fault he drowned; she is revealed as the killer.
Mrs. Voorhies attacks Alice, who fights back to prevail after decapitating Mrs. Voorhies with her very weapon, a machete. Alice passes out on a canoe and ends up in the middle of the lake.
The next morning, the police arrive to rescue Alice, she is happy the nightmare is over. Before she can be saved Jason emerges from the lake and pulls her under.
Alice awakes in the hospital to find she is the only surviving counselor. When she asks about Jason, the police inform her there was never any boy at the scene.
Movie #2
Genre: Horror
Sub: Zombie, Modern Classic, Survival, Apocalyptic
Title: Dawn of the Dead (1978)
As the zombie apocalypse grows four survivors take refuge and barricade themselves in a shopping mall from the outside world.
How it delivered on the genre conventions: Dawn of the Dead is a follow up to Night of the living dead showing the world’s decay as it falls to a zombie apocalypse, and it works. Dawn covers a lot of social issues at that time and uses the rise of retail as its backdrop. The zombies are viewed as consumers who even in death still want to go to the shopping mall.
As a horror classic, it is the ultimate fantasy to be barricaded in a mall with everything you need, as the monsters of the outside cannot get to you. But, just like most things, it can’t last because others will eventually want what you have.
The setting was hands down the best. You have everything at your fingertips but what good is it if you can’t go anywhere else. Continuing from “Night” it asks the question who are the real monsters, the zombies or man?
OUTLINE: the film starts at a TV station in Philadelphia that is going frantic due to the rise of the dead coming back to life. They have numerous doctors and experts of disease who cannot give a rational reason why it is happening.
An employee Francine is notified by co-workers they are abandoning the city and finding new refuge. Her boyfriend Stephen then tells her he is taking the station’s helicopter and they are leaving with a SWAT friend of his, Roger.
On the other side of the town, Roger and other SWAT members are having a standoff with a project building that refuses to go to emergency shelters and give up their deceased family members. One SWAT member decides to take matters into his hands and begins to kill both zombies and innocent bystanders.
Roger tries to stop him, but it overpowered and almost killed until Peter comes to his rescue. An immediate bond between the two, who both agree they need to get to safety themselves. The project building is a grim reminder of what the outside world is becoming. Roger convinces Roger to join him, Francine, and Stephen.
Roger and Peter join Francine and Stephen, they leave Philadelphia. The next morning, they land to gas up where Stephen is almost killed by a zombie. The severity of the situation sets in for them as they all agree they need to find refuge.
while flying they end up in rural Pennsylvania where they observe most people forming their own militias against the dead. The group comes across a large indoor shopping mall only occupied by the dead. The group lands on the roof and makes their way through the mall. Stephen joins them but nearly gets them killed by the dead because of his carelessness.
The group gathers supplies then heads to a secluded storage room where Francine is attacked by a zombie, she is saved. Stephen reveals to everyone she is four months pregnant with his child. Roger and Peter convince Stephen and Francine it would be safer for them to stay in the mall.
The group decides to clear the mall out of the dead and barricade the outside with big-rig trucks. Francine asks to be a part of it and wants to learn how to use a gun (which she does) and fly the helicopter. In the process of securing the outside, Roger is bit by a zombie on his arm and leg. Peter can save him from being killed but the damage is done already.
After securing the inside of the mall, the group builds their own room with easier access to the roof. The mall is seemly safe and clear of all the zombies, but Roger’s health begins to decline, he asks Peter to put him down if he turns into one of the dead. Peter keeps his promise as Roger dies from his wounds.
Days turn into months and Francine is getting closer to her due date. The final three are detached from the outside world with no more news reports or communication with anyone through a Ham radio they found. The mall inside is free of the dead, but large hordes of them from outside the mall. As a group, they conclude they may have to leave eventually.
The group begins making an emergency stockpile and Stephen starts teaching Francine to fly the helicopter. From the distance near the mall a large motorcycle gang scopes out the mall. The gang communicates to the group in the mall and threatens them with breaking into the mall to take what they got. The group scrambles to secure what they can, but the gang makes good on their threat and break-in.
During the chaos, they let the hordes of zombies. Peter and Stephen fight against the gang and even kill most off them. Stephen is shot and tries to escape but is killed by a group of zombies. Peter sneaks his way through the mall trying to get back to Francine.
Stephen returns as a zombie and from previous memory makes his way to Francine. Peter gets back to Francine in time and kills zombie Stephen. The motorcycle gang is in a full fight with the dead and some manage to escape the mall while the rest perish.
The mall is now overrun with zombies again, Peter tells Francine to leave on her own, he will stay to fight. Francine heads to the helicopter hoping Peter will join her. At the last-minute Peter joins her. Peter nor Francine knows where they are headed and fly off into the unknown.
-
Benito Selim’s Chronological Edit
What I learned from this assignment is to continue making your story tight with scene edits.
I have deleted a lot of unnecessary scenes that dragged the story along. My biggest challenge was my climax and the final reveal, in my case of writing a horror script it was the big who done it and why? I am continuing to rewrite it but am happy so far with my final scenes for draft 2.
I may run into the issue of writing too much dialogue but I’m finding reading it out loud helps with this.
-
Benito Selim’s Solved Scene Problems!
What I learned from this assignment is make the most of your scenes. Make the scenes not only important to the story, but also memorable. People go to the movies to be entertained and enter the world you created.
1. I gave my characters more meaningful dialogue this also helped with keeping the story moving along.
2. I included flashbacks as well so there wasn’t a bunch of scenes with just talking heads.
3. Makes the scenes of action and scares more intense giving the reader the sense that they are really in danger.
-
Benito Selim’s Solved Character Problems
What I learned in the assignment was to go back and look at your entire outline to see what depth your characters have and are they properly contributing to the story.
Darryl Case- Protagonist
I went back to add more levels to him. He is naïve and kind of weak-minded, but now I have him using his psychic ability to help fellow students cheat on exams. He still has the likability, but not totally innocent.
Also, I added him to two other scenes where he was not included, being the main character, he should be seen more.
Karen Young- Antagonist
I added her in an entirely different opening giving her more dialogue as a living person since she is a ghost in more than half of the story.
Gary
I added him to more scenes with Darryl since he plays a very crucial role in the story. He is not just Darryl’s roommate, but responsible for the whole journey Darryl goes through.
I gave him more background as well.
Marcus
I added him to more scenes as well in the beginning of the script. Marcus essentially becomes Darryl’s hero so I felt he needed to have more substance and a bigger role.
-
Benito Selim’s Solved Structural Problems
What I learned doing this assignment is once the first draft is done, it’s easier to now look at the whole story and make the necessary changes to improve on your second draft.
Act 1:
Opening/old ways: Karen and Jeff interact with schoolmates before leaving and meeting their fates. Giving more clues as to why they went to the rendezvous point.
Inciting Incident: Darryl and Gary have more conversations and Gary announces he a pledge for the same fraternity Jeff is part of.
Turning Point: Darryl and his friends shoot a documentary about the abrupt closure of the farm Darryl finds a locket in an old barn and takes it with him while editing their project the brutal death of Karen shows up on film. This has pretty much stayed the same except no old camera is used.
Act 2:
New plan: After heavily editing the film, they present their project to the class. Karen reappears and her death is more gruesome than before. Unfortunately, the video camera, memory card, and laptop it’s projecting off mysteriously burst into flames. Darryl is left with no project, but a lot of questions.
Plan in action: Darryl decides to investigate Starkoaks even more despite his discouragement.
Midpoint Turning Point: Darryl in his investigation is contacted by a woman Ellen Paisley who informs him that he possesses a psychic ability and he’s no schizophrenic. Darryl is confused and lost, he decides to look at the locket he found and opens it. Inside are the pictures of Karen and Jeff.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Darryl questions his illness and does his own research on psychic abilities. He reflects to his childhood when he encountered a little girl who was murdered. Darryl’s friendship with this child led to her murder and several others to be solved.
New plan: Darryl now believing what Ellen told him seeks her help. Darryl also informs his friends of his plan. Visions of Karen then begin to increase with more details.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Darryl partners with a detective on Karen’s disappearance but is accused of being involved. His friends try to clear his name but begin to be killed off by Karen’s killer.
Act 4:
Dilemma: Despite Darryl being cleared of involvement in the campus deaths, the killer is relentless in pursuing him still.
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Darryl finds Karen’s murder was due to her father solving an old case and Darryl was the next intended victim. Darryl, Marcus, and Ellen are shocked to find Tina and Gary behind this. Darryl is the only one they don’t want dead but instead wants to pin the murders on him.
Resolution: Karen’s murder is solved; she is at peace and the town can finally breathe a sigh of relief.
New way: Darryl is now content with his gift and embraces a new life ahead.
-
Benito Selim’s Filled in Missing Scenes!
What I learned in this assignment is filling in missing scenes you find some scenes you originally cut may work better in your rewrite.
I had two scenes (as of now) I had thought of but did not include them. I have decided to insert them for more clarity in the script. As the drafts continue, I may come up with more.
INT. UNDERGROUND SHELTER- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Gary goes into detail about the farm’s past. Even to say the asylum is not a rumor.
MIDDLE: Darryl and Marcus grow nervous as Gary continues to tell the story of Johnny Vernon
END: Darryl is suddenly paralyzed with fear when he realizes Gary is the killer.
PLACEHOLDER: Darryl is learning to navigate his gift better as his gut tells him all the evidence he needed was always in front of his face. i.e., his good friend and roommate.
BEGIN FLASHBACK
INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL- DAY
SUPER: 1999
BEGINNING: Johnny Vernon is taken by Sheriff Young into a room of doctors.
MIDDLE: Johnny is nervous but sticks to the story of communicating with the dead. Johnny claims he killed bad people for the spirits speaking to him.
END: Johnny is strapped to a chair where he undergoes shock therapy.
END FLASHBACK
PLACEHOLDER: We learn that Johnny Vernon was not the saint that he manipulated Gary into thinking he was.
INT. UNDERGROUND SHELTER- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Gary reveals himself to be Johnny Vernon, Jr. He and Tina are companions, they lead Darryl back to the shelter.
MIDDLE: Gary reveals an old electric chair he found at the farm. He claims it was the same one they used on his father. He will use it on Darryl since he is to blame for everything
END: Darryl fights back and throws Tina into the chair, she is killed when Gary turns the chair on.
PLACEHOLDER: Darryl realizes he has to kill or be killed.
-
Benito Selim’s Credibility is Going Up!
What I learned doing this assignment is by writing out this checklist you can see exactly where you are as a writer and what improvements you can make to advance in your career.
CREDITABILITY
1. Your Writing Sample
– 8 scripts in total
– 4 of which were pitched at a writer’s conference to ten production companies. All ten took my information.
2. Screenwriting Accomplishments
– Two scripts recently had good feedback.
-Detour, Horror feature 43 out of 70 overall.
-Testify, TV 1-hour drama Pilot in the 80% overall out of 100. Testify was a rewrite that was in the top 50 script ideas in 2017.
3. The Google factor
-0 writing credits as of now. Being a SAG member, most credits are for acting and even production crew work.
4. Your Network
-0 connections for writing assignments or gigs as of now as a writer
5. Education specific to screenwriting
-BFA in Motion Pictures and Television, emphasis on screenwriting.
-2 Master Screenwriter Certificate program at ScreenwritingU
6. Borrowed Credibility
– 0 as of now as a writer
7. IMDB CREDITS
–Again, being a SAG member and PA Experience, there is no writing credits as of now. But I thought I’d post a link anyway.
– https://www.imdb.com/name/nm5132162/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0
8. Other forms of credibility that is related to screenwriting:
–2 short children’s books awaiting publication
NEED IMPROVEMENT
1. Getting writing credit
2. Improving and updating my LinkedIn profile
3. Write more scripts and flush out other ideas as well.
-
Benito Selim’s Projects and Insights
What I learned in the opening teleconference was the difference between spec writing and a writing assignment. The ability to use your skills in making someone else’s vision come to life and boost your career ahead.
The completed script I’m bringing to class.
DETOUR (Horror)
Budget: 3 to 5 million
On their way to the Florida Keys, four college co-eds take a wrong turn and become stranded in the Everglades. While trying to find a way out, they become hunted by its inhabitants; Two alligators and three pythons.
An Idea I would like to do.
The Promotion Purchase (Comedy)
Budget: 3 to 5 million
Best friends and co-workers make a friendly wager at their retail job that one can buy their way into a promotion that’s recently become available. One believes they can work hard and show their value while the other believes they can suck up and create the illusion of a hard worker.
-
Benito Selim’s Act 4 Resolution
What I learned from this assignment is flushing out the climax adds makes it’s easier to finish out the act and script as a whole.
ACT 4
EXT. ELLEN’S HOUSE- LATER
Darryl tells Marcus the details of Karen’s death. Marcus is skeptical but listens to him.
Darryl says even if he dies, he must find out who killed her. He tells Marcus to leave town for his safety just until this is over. Darryl cares for Marcus’s safety.
Marcus is hesitant, but leaves. Darryl reluctantly asks Detective Garnett for help at Ellen’s request. Garnett informs Darryl, he must stay behind and let the police the case. Darryl feels betrayed by Ellen, but she insists it’s for his safety.
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS- DAY
The next day Darryl decides to leave the campus and stay low while Detective Garnett investigates. He meets with Andrew, Gary, and Lorraine to give them the news that he was cleared as a suspect but doesn’t share anything further.
Darryl’s friends ask him if has heard from Calvin, he wanted to meet but wasn’t at the edit suite. Darryl declines and asks about Tina; he finds out she discharged herself and skipped town because she is scared.
Darryl is defeated and hurt in saying goodbye to his friends.
EXT. CAMPUS PARKING LOT- LATER
Marcus who is leaving town as well informs Darryl that he received a message from Calvin, but was unable to reach him. The message states that Calvin found a Frat ring that was not Jeffs’s.
Darryl questions why he reached out to Marcus. Darryl realizes Marcus is the only one he can trust. Darryl decides to stay but makes Marcus promise not to tell anyone. Darryl exits the lot back to his dorm.
EXT/INT. EDIT SUITE- EVENING
Darryl arrives to look for Calvin, a murder of Crow’s squat, and taught him from the surrounding trees. Some fly down at him, they want to prevent him from entering the building.
Darryl gets past the crows, but when he looks back, they are gone. Darryl knocks on the suite door but no answer. Darryl looks to the floor that is wet, when he touches it, he realizes its blood. Karen appears and is violently pulled through the door by the unknown assailant.
Darryl snaps out of his trance and runs out of the building to a thunderstorm. Darryl calls Marcus and Ellen and tells them they need to head back to the farm.
INT. MARCUS MOVING VEHICLE- LATER
Marcus drives Ellen and Darryl to the farm. Darryl says he knows for sure Karen is buried there and holds the clues to her killing. Ellen tells Darryl this will set Karen and him free.
EXT. STARKOAKS FARM- NIGHT
Darryl hops out of the car and is met by a concerned Gary. Marcus tells Darryl he was scared and called Gary. Andrew and Lorraine also join them.
Darryl informs them they must dig up inside the barn. Darryl removes several shovels from Marcus’s car. Darryl, Marcus, and Ellen enter the barn while Gary, Lorraine, and Andrew gather belongings from their car.
INT. BARN- LATER
Darryl walks around the barn with Ellen and Marcus, he finds a spot and begins to dig. The ground looks to be freshly dug already.
Gary rejoins the group and tries to discourage them from digging anymore. Marcus asks for Lorraine and Andrew, but Gary doesn’t answer. Marcus gives Gary a shovel, Gary digs but keeps stopping to rub his arm. Darryl gives notice, but keeps digging, he stops when he hits something metal.
Darryl throws his shovel aside. He jumps to the ground and digs away with his hands the remaining dirt and hay. Marcus helps him they come to a latch in the ground and with all their strength pull it. The latch opens a door in the ground. When Darryl opens It, it leads to an underground shelter. The group tries to discourage him from entering, but Darryl disobeys.
INT. UNDERGROUND SHELTER- CONTINUOUS
Darryl walks down a small staircase with Gary and Marcus. Darryl shines his flashlight around the room. There are abandoned equipment and junk.
Darryl is ready to walk back up when he shines his light on an old storage closet. Darryl investigates and opens the door. Inside are the bodies of Karen, Jeff, and Calvin. Darryl jumps back in fright, Marcus does as well. Gary stands shocked. Darryl calls up to Ellen but no answer.
Gary turns to Darryl tells him if he remembers the little girl, Emily. Darryl looks at Gary puzzled.
BEGIN FLASHBACK
EXT. CORNER STORE- DAY
Darryl age 8 and Mrs. Case walk out of the store to observe multiple cop cars in front of a residence. Cops bring out Johnny Vernon in handcuffs.
The coroner brings out three body bags, Gary age 8 screams to police to let his dad go, the coroner brings out one last body bag, it’s Emily. Gary screams that’s his friend and don’t’ take her away from him.
Mrs. Case tells Darryl to walk as she pulls his arm. Darryl looks to his side, Emily waves goodbye to him. Darryl then sees Silvia with cops as she identifies Emily’s body. Mrs. Case looks to Darryl and tells him to never speak of this.
END FLASHBACK
INT. BARN- LATER
Darryl questions Gary as to how he knew her. Gary says she was my friend. Darryl realizes that Gary is Vernon’s son and was the little boy he erased from his memory. There are several loud bangs, Darryl and Marcus make their way up to the barn.
Tina stands with a gun on Ellen. Lorraine and Andrew lie dead next to Tina. Gary removes a knife, he yells to Darryl how his father wasn’t crazy, but instead misunderstood for helping the dead. Darryl tries to calm Gary, but he takes his knife and stabs Marcus. Gary pushes Marcus down the stairs to the shelter.
Gary continues by telling Darryl. Ellen also falsely accused her along with Karen and her father, the sheriff. Gary explains his plan of locating Darryl and befriending fellow psycho Tina.
The exchange with Gary and Tina was he would help her kill her annoying sorority sisters so she could move up in rank. She also was excited to help Gary since she was a fan of his father’s work. Gary says killing Eddy, Jeff and Calvin were bonuses since he just didn’t care for them. Gary points to Lorraine and Andrew and laughs while saying them too, Gary adds his father would be proud.
Gary nods to Tina who then shoots Ellen. Ellen falls to the ground; Darryl attempts to run to her rescue but has the gun on him. Gary informs Darryl rather than kill him they will pin the murders on him, this is a far better punishment.
Gary hands Darryl the knife, but Darryl refuses. Tina threatens to shoot him, but he still denies it. Through the commotion, Detective Garnett enters with his gun drawn. He tells them to put their hands up. Gary and Tina immediately begin to accuse Darryl. Gary pleads that’s why he contacted Garnett because he knew Darryl was the killer.
Detective Garnett calls for backup then attends to Ellen, she’s still alive. Gary grows impatient and retrieves the knife, he stabs Garnett in the throat. Garnett grasps for air and swings around and shoots Tina in the head killing her instantly. Garnett then dies himself.
Darryl dives for Garnett’s gun, but Gary jumps on his back, Gary then chokes Darryl until he passes out. Gary removes a lighter and proceeds to set the barn on fire. Marcus sneaks out of the shelter and can wake Darryl up.
Darryl jumps to his feet and grabs Garnett’s gun. Gary turns to Darryl and pleads his father was innocent. Gary then tries to grab Tina’s gun but is shot several times and falls to the ground. Marcus and Darryl attend to Ellen, all three start to make their way out of the barn; Gary wakes up. Karen emerges from the ground and grabs onto Gary, he screams for help. Jeff and Calvin then join Karen and he is taken underground.
The barn begins to collapse. Darryl, Marcus, and Ellen make it to safety. As the rain continues to pour down a stream of water drips through the shelter floor onto another floor below. That floor is in a hallway to an abandoned asylum.
THE END
-
I’m Benito Selim, I’m from the San Francisco Bay Area.
I have written several shorts most of which I have expanded. I have a total of 8 scripts. 3 Features, 3 TV Pilots, 1 Graphic Novel, and 1 Spec script.
I have taken three classes with Hal and Cheryl; I love the information given and really hope to become motivated again and spark that flame of creation back up. I am ready to get my scripts back out there and hope it’s good enough to be optioned and even get writing assignments.
I am fascinated with true crime and how serial killers operate (not that I’m praising them) just can never understand the why to their crimes. I’m a huge horror fan (both film and TV) I love supernatural and ghost stories, growing up in a haunted house, plenty of stories come to mind. I’m excited to get this class flowing and get my career started.
-
As a member of this group, I Benito Selim agree to the following.
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
0
-
Benito Selim’s Act 4 Climax
What I learned in this assignment is all the story and script come to this moment. This is the final face-off between your protagonist and antagonist. Use the past scenes from the previous acts as well as this one to get the climax the audience will enjoy.
EXT/INT. EDIT SUITE- EVENING
BEGINNING: Darryl arrives to look for Calvin, a murder of Crows squat and taught him from the surrounding trees. Some fly down at him, they want to prevent him from entering the building.
MIDDLE: Darryl gets past the crows, but when he looks back, they are gone. Darryl knocks on the suite door but no answer. Darryl looks to the floor that is wet, when he touches it, he realizes its blood. Karen appears and is violently pulled through the door by the unknown assailant.
END: Darryl snaps out of his trance and runs out of the building to a thunderstorm. Darryl calls to Marcus and Ellen and tells them they need to head back to the farm.
INT. MARCUS MOVING VEHICLE- LATER
BEGINNING: Marcus drives Ellen and Darryl to the farm.
MIDDLE: Darryl says he knows for sure Karen is buried there and holds the clues to her killing.
END: Ellen tells Darryl this will set Karen and him free.
EXT. STARKOAKS FARM- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Darryl hops out of the car and is met by a concerned Gary. Marcus tells Darryl he was scared and called Gary. Andrew and Lorraine also join them.
MIDDLE: Darryl informs them they must dig up inside the barn. Darryl removes several shovels from Marcus’s car.
END: Darryl, Marcus, and Ellen enter the barn while Gary, Lorraine, and Andrew gather belongings from their car.
INT. BARN- LATER
BEGINNING: Darryl walks around the barn with Ellen and Marcus, he finds a spot and begins to dig. The ground looks to be freshly dug already.
MIDDLE: Gary rejoins the group and tries to discourage them from digging anymore. Marcus asks for Lorraine and Andrew, but Gary doesn’t answer. Marcus gives Gary a shovel, Gary digs but keeps stopping to rub his arm. Darryl gives notice, but keeps digging, he stops when he hits something metal.
END: Darryl throws his shovel aside. He jumps to the ground and digs away with his hands the remaining dirt and hay. Marcus helps him they come to a latch in the ground and with all their strength pull it. The latch opens a door in the ground. When Darryl opens It, it leads to an underground shelter. The group tries to discourage him from entering, but Darryl disobeys.
INT. UNDERGROUND SHELTER- CONTINUOUS
BEGINNING: Darryl walks down a small staircase with Gary and Marcus.
MIDDLE: Darryl shines his flashlight around the room. There are abandoned equipment and junk.
END: Darryl is ready to walk back up when he shines his light on an old storage closet. Darryl investigates and opens the door. Inside are the bodies of Karen, Jeff, and Calvin. Darryl jumps back in fright, Marcus does as well. Gary stands shocked. Darryl calls up to Ellen but no answer.
Gary turns to Darryl tells him if he remembers the little girl, Emily. Darryl looks at Gary puzzled.
BEGIN FLASHBACK
EXT. CORNER STORE- DAY
Darryl age 8 and Mrs. Case walk out of the store to observe multiple cop cars in front of a residence. Cops bring out Johnny Vernon in handcuffs.
The coroner brings out three body bags, Gary age 8 screams to police to let his dad go, the coroner brings out one last body bag, it’s Emily. Gary screams that’s his friend and don’t’ take her away from him.
Mrs. Case tells Darryl to walk as she pulls his arm. Darryl looks to his side, Emily waves goodbye to him. Darryl then sees Silvia with cops as she identifies Emily’s body. Mrs. Case looks to Darryl and tells him to never speak of this.
END FLASHBACK
INT. BARN- LATER
BEGINNING: Darryl questions Gary as to how he knew her. Gary says she was my friend. Darryl realizes that Gary is Vernon’s son and was the little boy he erased from his memory. There are several loud bangs, Darryl and Marcus make their way up to the barn.
MIDDLE: Tina stands with a gun on Ellen. Lorraine and Andrew lie dead next to Tina. Gary removes a knife, he yells to Darryl how his father wasn’t crazy, but instead misunderstood for helping the dead. Darryl tries to calm Gary, but he takes his knife and stabs Marcus. Gary pushes Marcus down the stairs to the shelter.
END: Gary continues by telling Darryl. Ellen also falsely accused her along with Karen and her father, the sheriff. Gary explains his plan of locating Darryl and befriending fellow psycho Tina.
CLIMAX
The exchange with Gary and Tina was he would help her kill her annoying sorority sisters so she could move up in rank. She also was excited to help Gary since she was a fan of his father’s work. Gary says killing Eddy, Jeff and Calvin were bonuses since he just didn’t care for them. Gary points to Lorraine and Andrew and laughs while saying them too, Gary adds his father would be proud.
Gary nods to Tina who then shoots Ellen. Ellen falls to the ground; Darryl attempts to run to her rescue but has the gun on him. Gary informs Darryl rather than kill him they will pin the murders on him, this is a far better punishment.
Gary hands Darryl the knife, but Darryl refuses. Tina threatens to shoot him, but he still denies it. Through the commotion, Detective Garnett enters with his gun drawn. He tells them to put their hands up. Gary and Tina immediately begin to accuse Darryl. Gary pleads that’s why he contacted Garnett because he knew Darryl was the killer.
Detective Garnett calls for backup then attends to Ellen, she’s still alive. Gary grows impatient and retrieves the knife, he stabs Garnett in the throat. Garnett grasps for air and swings around and shoots Tina in the head killing her instantly. Garnett then dies himself.
Darryl dives for Garnett’s gun, but Gary jumps on his back, Gary then chokes Darryl until he passes out. Gary removes a lighter and proceeds to set the barn on fire. Marcus sneaks out of the shelter and can wake Darryl up.
Darryl jumps to his feet and grabs Garnett’s gun. Gary turns to Darryl and pleads his father was innocent. Gary then tries to grab Tina’s gun but is shot several times and falls to the ground. Marcus and Darryl attend to Ellen, all three start to make their way out of the barn; Gary wakes up. Karen emerges from the ground and grabs onto Gary, he screams for help. Jeff and Calvin then join Karen and he is taken underground.
The barn begins to collapse. Darryl, Marcus, and Ellen make it to safety. As the rain continues to pour down a stream of water drips through the shelter floor onto another floor below. That floor is in a hallway to an abandoned asylum.
-
Benito Selim’s Act 4 First Scenes
What I learned in this assignment is to use the turning point for the end of Act 3 to go directing into your final act. Keep the momentum up to deliver your climax.
ACT 4
EXT. ELLEN’S HOUSE- LATER
BEGINNING: Darryl tells Marcus the details of Karen’s death. Marcus is skeptical but listens to him.
MIDDLE: Darryl says even if he dies, he must find out who killed her. He tells Marcus to leave town for his safety just until this is over. Darryl cares for Marcus’s safety.
END: Marcus is hesitant, but leaves. Darryl reluctantly asks Detective Garnett for help at Ellen’s request. Garnett informs Darryl, he must stay behind and let the police the case. Darryl feels betrayed by Ellen, but she insists it’s for his safety.
TURNING POINT: Despite feeling like Ellen would encourage him to use his gift, she wanted to tell him to let the police handle it. Even though she believes Darryl, proving his innocence to law enforcement was more important than Darryl risking his life.
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS- DAY
BEGINNING: The next day Darryl decides to leave the campus and stay low while Detective Garnett investigates. He meets with Andrew, Gary, and Lorraine to give them the news that he was cleared as a suspect but doesn’t share anything further.
MIDDLE: Darryl’s friends ask him if has heard from Calvin. They state wanted to meet but wasn’t at the edit suite. Darryl declines and asks about Tina; he finds out she discharged herself and skipped town because she is scared.
END: Darryl is defeated and hurt in saying goodbye to his friends.
PLACEHOLDER: Darryl is done and not even Karen can convince him to pursue the case.
EXT. CAMPUS PARKING LOT- LATER
BEGINNING: Marcus who is leaving town as well informs Darryl that he received a message from Calvin, but was unable to reach him. The message states that Calvin found a Frat ring that was not Jeff’s.
MIDDLE: Darryl questions why he reached out to Marcus. Darryl realizes Marcus is the only one he can trust.
END: Darryl decides to stay, but makes Marcus promise not to tell anyone. Darryl exits the lot back to his dorm.
-
Benito Selim’s Completed Act 3
What I learned in this assignment is to pull out all the stops and just go crazy in this act, it will help with your closing act and climax to the film.
ACT 3
EXT. DARRYL’S DORM- LATER
Darryl arrives at his dorm and is met by Tina, her sorority sisters, and the police.
Tina yells at Darryl which he questions. Tina tells him she found Karen’s locket in his clothing. She is upset he hid knowing her.
Tina told him she notified the police. Detective Garnett takes Darryl into custody for questioning. His friends watch speechless as he is taken away.
INT. ELLEN’S HOUSE- EVENING
Ellen settles in for the evening when she hears noises coming from outside her house.
Ellen grabs her gun and investigates. A dark figure appears and attacks her, it knocks her gun out of her hand. Ellen fights back and tries to regain her gun.
Ellen retrieves her gun again and fires. She hits the figure, she pulls on their face cover, but can only see their eyes. The figure slashes their arm and gets away.
INT. POLICE STATION INTERROGATION ROOM- LATER
Detective Garnett questions Darryl about being in possession of the locket. Darryl tells him he found it at Starkoaks, which Detective Garnett questions.
Detective Garnett then questions his relationship with Ellen.
Detective Garnett tells Darryl he cannot hold him since there is no evidence of foul play but warns him that Ellen is dangerous and caused the former sheriff to be committed. Detective Garnett informs Darryl he will be keeping his eye on him.
INT. CAMPUS BAR- NIGHT
Darryl enters the bar to stares and whispers. Tina and he make eye contact, she gathers her belongings and exits with her sorority sisters/roommates Katelynn and Trish. The three make derogatory comments towards him.
Darryl is alone now, no one wants to talk to him. Eddie, Jeffrey, and Gary’s frat brother also Katelynn’s boyfriend, gets in Darryl’s face, but Gary intervened. Gary walks Darryl to a table where the rest of his friends sit. They’re concerned about him.
Darryl feeling low decides to leave. Gary turns Lorraine, Calvin, Andrew, and Marcus and gives his doubt that Darryl can innocent, Marcus is the only one who gives an argument and says he doesn’t believe Darryl is a killer.
EXT. CAMPUS BAR- LATER
Darryl attempts to speak with Tina, but Katelynn and Trish intercept him. Darryl pleads with his innocence.
Tina enters a vehicle while the girls continue to yell at Darryl. Eddy walks up to Darryl and punches him. A crowd now forms, and security makes its way over.
Tina leaves with Eddy and her sorority sisters. Security helps Darryl up and the crowd disperses. Marcus runs out hearing the commotion and aids Darryl.
INT. DARRYL’S DORM- LATER
Marcus walks Darryl to his dorms. Darryl enters his dorm and takes his pills again. He doubts his medium abilities now.
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT- LATER
Tina, Eddy, and her roommates settle in for the night. The unknown figure creeps throughout the apartment unknown to the housemates.
Eddy is surprised by the assailant and killed; Katelynn runs out to the patio where she is thrown over to the death.
Trish and Tina barricade themselves in their room, but the assailant gets in. the two hit him over the head with a lamp and run towards the door. The assailant catches up to them, he stabs Trish through the front door and kills her. The assailant turns to Tina and stabs her the scene cuts to black.
INT. DORM BATHROOM- MORNING
Darryl pulls pills out of his toiletries bag, he takes two and gives himself a long look in the mirror, he tells himself it’s over and even says sorry to Karen.
Darryl washes his face, but when he opens his eyes, he is now at Starkoaks. Karen stands in the distance, they both stare at each other. Karen suddenly appears in front of him and grabs onto him,
Darryl becomes her and is being murdered, he is fighting back, but losing, his arm is cut with a knife. Darryl removes the face-covering off the killer’s face and catches a glimpse of the killer’s eyes.
Darryl comes out of the trance and is kicking and screaming. By this time Marcus and Gary are trying to restrain him. Gary is kicked off and hits his leg hard onto the wall.
Marcus wakes Darryl who has a gash on his arm. He rambles on about being in Karen’s place. Marcus and Gary help him to his dorm, past the crowd that has formed.
INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT- LATER
Detective Garnett goes through files and comes across Ellen Paisley.
Detective Garnett realizes Ellen and Paisley are connected to the same case. He comes across the sheriff as well and attempts to contact him. Detective Garnett is informed the sheriff died a month ago from an apparent suicide.
END: Detective Garnett then contacts Ellen and learns she is being treated for wounds sustained from her attack. Officer Hicks notifies Garnett that Tina is in the hospital as well, surviving the attack on her and her roommates.
INT. DARRYL’S DORM- LATER
After his premonition, Darryl rushes to his dorm to get changed. Marcus is right behind and insists he goes to the hospital. Gary comes in and is limping.
Darryl denies Marcus’ requests and says he must go.
Marcus insists on driving him where he needs to go, Gary stays behind and questions.
INT. MARCUS’S MOVING VEHICLE- LATER
Marcus drives Darryl to Ellen’s house. Darryl tells Marcus about his schizophrenia and why he hid it from everyone.
Marcus questions if he is having illusions. Darryl denies and tells him about Ellen informing him about his gift.
Marcus is reluctant to believe but continues with their trip. Darryl tells Marcus to make a detour to the hospital instead. Marcus questions, Darryl insists and tells him everything will eventually make sense.
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS COURTYARD- AFTERNOON
Gary joins Lorraine, Andrew, and Calvin, they inform Gary about the murders off-campus.
Lorraine informs Gary rumors are flying that Darryl snapped because of the altercation at the bar. Gary tells them about the mental breakdown Darryl had in the morning.
Calvin disagrees and says he found something at the farm that day also. He invites the group back to the edit suite. They agree to meet him later since they all must go to class.
INT. HOSPITAL- LATER
Darryl and Marcus check to see if Ellen has been admitted. The nurse informs them she is being discharged. A nurse passes pushing a gurney with Tina on it.
Darryl immediately runs to her and questions. Tina acts frighten and asks him why. Darryl is confused and runs away. He meets back up with Marcus as Ellen enters the lobby.
Ellen tells them they need to leave now everyone with Darryl’s circle is in danger and this case needs to be resolved. They leave as Detective Garnett arrives, he informs other officers to follow the car and he’ll get their location later.
INT. EDIT SUIT- LATER
Calvin waits for his friends to arrive but decides to call Marcus since he can’t get ahold of Darryl.
Calvin leaves a message for Marcus to pass on to Darryl. Calvin reveals he found a fraternity pin at the farm, but it doesn’t belong to Jeff. He believes Jeff and Karen were set up but does not know why.
Calvin hangs up the phone and is attacked and killed.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM- LATER
The officers inform Detective Garnett where Darryl is. Garnett informs them he’ll be on his way shortly. Detective Garnett wraps up his interview with Tina. She expresses she believes Darryl attacked her.
Detective Garnett doesn’t quite believe it and asks the doctor on his way out if he can a copy of the medical report. The detective leaves the hospital.
The doctor walks into the ER room to assist Tina, but she is gone.
INT. ELLEN’S HOUSE- EVENING
Ellen secures her house with the boys; she informs them she was attacked because these recent disappearances are connected to her and the Vernon case. There’s a knock on the door.
Detective Garnett arrives, Ellen invites him in. Darryl and Marcus question, but she informs them; it involves Garnett too. Garnett was a rookie patrol at the time of Vernon’s arrest. In fact, he helped with taking him down, he will be targeted too.
Ellen tells them Vernon had other accomplices and even a child no one knew about. She believes one or all of them are coming back for revenge.
BEGIN FLASHBACK
EXT. PARK- DAY
Darryl age 8 plays with other kids when he notices Silvia, she removes old posters of Emily missing and puts up fresh ones.
Darryl approaches her. Silvia instantly remembers him; she holds her composure and asks about Emily. Darryl tells her details only her mother would know. She asks her fate and Darryl passes on the info. Silvia grows emotional, Darryl’s mom arrives and pulls him away.
Darryl continues to talk and tells Silvia where they’ll find her boys. Darryl’s mom yells at him to stop. Silvia tells her, her son has a gift and doesn’t let anyone take it from him. Silvia exits.
END FLASHBACK
-
Benito Selim’s Act 3 Turning Point
What I learned in this assignment is combining all the small scenes as well as place holds closes the act to set up your final act.
INT. DARRYL’S DORM- LATER
BEGINNING: After his premonition, Darryl rushes to his dorm to get changed. Marcus is right behind and insists he goes to the hospital. Gary comes in and is limping.
MIDDLE: Darryl denies Marcus’ requests and says he must go.
END: Marcus insists on driving him where he needs to go, Gary stays behind and questions.
INT. MARCUS’S MOVING VEHICLE- LATER
BEGINNING: Marcus drives Darryl to Ellen’s house. Darryl tells Marcus about his schizophrenia and why he hid it from everyone.
MIDDLE: Marcus questions if he is having illusions. Darryl denies and tells him about Ellen informing him about his gift.
END: Marcus is reluctant to believe but continues with their trip. They arrive to Ellen’s place to find the police there. Darryl tells Marcus to take him to the hospital.
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS COURTYARD- AFTERNOON
BEGINNING: Gary joins Lorraine, Andrew, and Calvin, they inform Gary about the murders off-campus.
MIDDLE: Lorraine informs Gary rumors are flying that Darryl snapped because of the altercation at the bar. Gary tells them about the mental breakdown Darryl had in the morning.
END: Calvin disagrees and says he found something at the farm that day also. He invites the group back to the edit suite. They agree to meet him later since they all must go to class.
INT. HOSPITAL- LATER
BEGINNING: Darryl and Marcus check to see if Ellen has been admitted. The nurse informs them she is being discharged. A nurse passes pushing a gurney with Tina on it.
MIDDLE: Darryl immediately runs to her and questions. Tina acts frighten and asks him why. Darryl is confused and runs away. He meets back up with Marcus as Ellen enters the lobby.
END: Ellen tells them they need to leave now everyone with Darryl’s circle is in danger and this case needs to be resolved. They leave as Detective Garnett arrives, he informs other officers to follow the car and he’ll get their location later.
INT. EDIT SUIT- LATER
BEGINNING: Calvin waits for his friends to arrive but decides to call Marcus since he can’t get ahold of Darryl.
MIDDLE: Calvin leaves a message for Marcus to pass on to Darryl. Calvin reveals he found a fraternity pin at the farm, but it doesn’t belong to Jeff. He believes Jeff and Karen were set up but does not know why.
END: Calvin hangs up the phone and is attacked and killed.
TURNING POINT: Someone within this circle of friends is connected to these missing teens but is setting up Darryl.
-
Benito Selim’s Act 3 Middle Scenes
What I learned in this assignment is adding the little scenes in between the turning points and key parts of the story makes for a better act.
INT. CAMPUS BAR- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Darryl enters the bar to stares and whispers. Tina and he make eye contact, she gathers her belongings and exits with her sorority sisters/roommates Katelynn and Trish. The three make derogatory comments towards him.
MIDDLE: Darryl is alone now, no one wants to talk to him. Eddie, Jeffrey, and Gary’s frat brother also Katelynn’s boyfriend, gets in Darryl’s face, but Gary intervened. Gary walks Darryl to a table where the rest of his friends sit. They’re concerned about him.
END: Darryl feeling low decides to leave. Gary turns Lorraine, Calvin, Andrew, and Marcus and gives his doubt that Darryl can innocent, Marcus is the only one who gives an argument and says he doesn’t believe Darryl is a killer.
EXT. CAMPUS BAR- LATER
BEGINNING: Darryl attempts to speak with Tina, but Katelynn and Trish intercept him. Darryl pleads his innocence.
MIDDLE: Tina enters a vehicle while the girls continue to yell at Darryl. Eddy walks up to Darryl and punches him. A crowd now forms, and security makes their way over.
END: Tina leaves with Eddy and her sorority sisters. Security helps Darryl up and the crowd disperses. Marcus runs out hearing the commotion and aids Darryl.
TURNING POINT: Most people including Darryl’s friends think he is behind Karen and Jeffrey’s disappearance. People are already accusing him of murder.
Marcus takes Darryl back to the dorms. Darryl enters his dorm and takes his pills again. He doubts his medium abilities now.
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT- LATER
BEGINNING: Tina, Eddy, and her roommates settle in for the night. The unknown figure creeps throughout the apartment unknown to the housemates.
MIDDLE: Eddy is surprised by the assailant and killed; Katelynn runs out to the patio where she is thrown over to the death.
END: Trish and Tina barricade themselves in their room, but the assailant gets in. the two hit him over the head with a lamp and run towards the door. The assailant catches up to them, he stabs Trish through the front door and kills her. The assailant turns to Tina and stabs her the scene cuts to black.
INT. DORM BATHROOM- MORNING
BEGINNING: Darryl pulls pills out of his toiletries bag, he takes two and gives himself a long look in the mirror, he tells himself it’s over and even says sorry to Karen.
MIDDLE: Darryl washes his face, but when he opens his eyes, he is now at Starkoaks. Karen stands in the distance, they both stare at each other. Karen suddenly appears in front of him and grabs onto him, Darryl becomes her and is being murdered, he is fighting back, but losing, his arm is cut with a knife. Darryl removes the face-covering off the killer’s face and catches a glimpse of the killer’s eyes.
END: Darryl comes out of the trance and is kicking and screaming. By this time Marcus and Gary are trying to restrain him. Gary is kicked off and hits his leg hard onto the wall. Marcus wakes Darryl who has a gash on his arm. He rambles on about being in Karen’s place. Marcus and Gary help him to his dorm, past the crowd that has formed.
INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT- LATER
BEGINNING: Detective Garnett goes through files and comes across Ellen Paisley.
MIDDLE: Detective Garnett realizes Ellen and Paisley are connected to the same case. He comes across the sheriff as well and attempts to contact him. Detective Garnett is informed the sheriff died a month ago from an apparent suicide.
END: Detective Garnett then contacts Ellen and learns she is being treated for wounds sustained from her attack. Officer Hicks notifies Garnett that Tina is in the hospital as well, surviving the attack on her and her roommates.
-
Benito Selim’s Act 3 Reaction to Midpoint
What I learned in this assignment is now you let all your hair down in this act to get the entire story out. I found myself going back to the previous acts to make this act more solid.
ACT 3
EXT. DARRYL’S DORM- LATER
BEGINNING: Darryl arrives at his dorm and is met by Tina, her sorority sisters, and the police.
MIDDLE: Tina yells at Darryl which he questions. Tina tells him she found Karen’s locket in his clothing. She is upset he hid knowing her.
END: Tina told him she notified the police. Detective Garnett takes Darryl into custody for questioning. His friends watch speechless as he is taken away.
INT. ELLEN’S HOUSE- EVENING
BEGINNING: Ellen settles in for the evening when she hears noises coming from outside her house.
MIDDLE: Ellen grabs her gun and investigates. A dark figure appears and attacks her, it’s knocked her gun out of her hand. Ellen fights back and tries to regain her gun.
END: Ellen retrieves her gun again and fires. She hits the figure, but they get away.
INT. POLICE STATION INTERROGATION ROOM- LATER
BEGINNING: Detective Garnett questions Darryl about being in possession of the locket. Darryl tells him he found it at Starkoaks, which Detective Garnett questions.
MIDDLE: Detective Garnett then questions his relationship with Ellen.
END: Detective Garnett tells Darryl he cannot hold him since there is no evidence of foul play but warns him that Ellen is dangerous and caused the former sheriff to be committed. Detective Garnett informs Darryl he will be keeping his eye on him.
MIDPOINT: Darryl doesn’t know what to believe and starts to think is Ellen all smoking mirrors. Detective Garnett believes Darryl killed the two.
-
Benito Selim has completed Act 2 Draft 1
What I learned from this assignment is flushing out the scenes more allowed me to tighten up the story by eliminating scenes that dragged or just took up unnecessary space.
ACT 2
INT. CLASSROOM- DAY
Darryl meets with Lorraine and Calvin before class who insure him the footage has been fixed. Darryl enters the class with them, Andrew, Marcus, and Gary to screen their project.
The project screens successfully then in the end it begins to act up again. More brutal images of Karen’s death are shown. Karen makes eye contact with Darryl and asks for help. No one else can see this.
Their teacher cuts off the film and Darryl asks if anyone else has seen Karen talking to him. Darryl receives blank stares. All the class saw was the torture and blood, Karen’s face is not visible to anyone but Darryl.
The film and camera projector itself burst into flames. All evidence Darryl had, is gone.
INT. RESTAURANT- EVENING
Darryl is reluctant to take Tina out on a date because of the earlier events but does anyway. Darryl attempts his best to not seem awkward, but Tina can spot it.
Tina eases Darry by having him talk about it. Darryl begins to feel better, Tina excuses herself from their dinner table.
While Tina is away, a woman named Ellen Paisley approaches Darryl and tells him he is not sick, but instead possesses a gift. Ellen leaves her contact and tells Darryl to contact her; alone. Darryl reluctantly accepts. Darryl is informed he is a medium not schizophrenic.
EXT. TINA’S APARTMENT- LATER
Darryl walks Tina to her apartment, she wants to invite him in, but declines. Darryl is not disappointed but feels he has a real chance with her.
Darryl gets a kiss goodnight and begins to exit when he is approached by Detective Will Garnett. Garnett informs him of a missing person case he is working on and asks Darryl to come by the station when he is available.
Garnett shows Darryl a picture of Karen and Jeff. Darryl tries not to act surprised, but Garnett catches his reaction. Garnett does not let on and leaves his info with Darryl. When Garnett exits Darryl removes Ellen’s contact from his pocket along with his phone.
INT. ELLEN’S HOUSE- DAY
Darryl contacts Ellen who invites him over. Darryl believes she is bluffing with him until she reveals details of his past. Ellen informs him that she can’t tell him who the girl (Karen) is since she is not attached to her but can only sense her presence.
Ellen tells Darryl that as a kid he helped solve a major crime. Ellen brings up Emily, Darryl is thrown into a trance-like state as Ellen speaks.
BEGIN FLASHBACK
EXT. CASE HOUSE- NIGHT
Police knock on the Case house door, Darryl opens it, officers ask for Mrs. Case. The officers inform her that the body of her husband has been found. Mrs. Case faints as Darryl stares on in confusion.
END FLASHBACK
INT. ELLEN’S HOUSE- LATER
Ellen nurses Darryl back and tell him about her past. Darryl learns Ellen survived a killing spree by one Johnny Vernon, a man who claimed he was being experimented on and that Starkoaks had a secret medical asylum under its grounds.
Ellen informs Darryl his father was one of his victims as well.
INT. MRS. CASE’S APARTMENT- LATER
Darryl pays his mother Natalie a visit to learn the truth about his father’s death. Natalie tells the truth.
BEGIN FLASHBACK
EXT. PARK- DAY
Darryl age 8 Plays in the playground while his mother looks on. Emily joins him and the two talk and laugh. Emily tells Darryl she met his father. Darryl rejoins his mother and tells her about Emily, Natalie becomes angry and tells Darryl to stop making up stories.
Silvia, Emily’s mother posts a flyer on a tree, and Darryl tells him mom that’s Emily’s mom. Silvia then asks Darryl how he knows her, but Natalie becomes defensive and pulls Darryl away. Darryl looks back to a distraught Silvia not understanding why she is upset.
END FLASHBACK
EXT. PARK – DAY
Darryl reaches out to Tina to meet up with him. Tina joins him and the two talk about their college experience.
Darryl opens to her about his father’s death and rocky relationship with his mother. The two share an intimate kiss and Tina invites him back to her place.
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT- NIGHT
Darryl and Tina make love, it being Darryl’s first time. They talk after about how they will make the most out of college.
Tina expresses her disdain for certain sorority sisters and feels they hold her back. They both fall asleep in each other’s arms, a new feeling for Darryl.
BATHROOM- LATER
Darryl grabs his clothes and gets dressed in the bathroom. Darryl puts his pants on and slides his hand in his pocket. He removes the locket he found at Starkoaks, upon examining it he opens it and in shock. The pictures inside are Karen and Jeff.
The bathroom grows cold, and Karen appears behind him. She whispers in his ear, he’s the only one that can help her. Darryl is frozen with fear, Tina grabs his shoulder, and he snaps out of the trance. Darryl falls to the ground.
Tina gets him up and mentions how cold the bathroom is, she checks the window, it’s closed and locked. Darryl then asks for his pills in his bag. Tina questions and Darryl confides in her that he’s schizophrenic. Tina consoles him and the two head back into her bedroom.
After they exit the bathroom, the shower curtain moves.
EXT. DARRYL’S DORM- DAY
Darryl looks at the locket again, he grabs his pills and throws them away. The events the night before make a true believer out of him. He proceeds to call Ellen and wants to know more about the Vernon case. Ellen invites him to meet.
EXT. DARRYL’S DORM- LATER
Darryl exits and is met by Detective Garnett stops by to visit Darryl and ask him questions about the classroom incident. Darryl gives vague answers and Detective Garnett asks him to keep in contact if he hears of any information.
EXT. PARK- DAY
Ellen meets with Darryl; she informs him how she rarely comes out because of her traumatic past. Detective Garnett follows the two since he believes Darryl knows more than what he is saying.
Ellen informs Darryl that Karen was the daughter of the sheriff who caught Vernon and saved Ellen’s life. Darryl now makes it his personal mission to not only avenge his father but catch Karen’s killer as well.
-
Benito Selim’s Act 2 TP – Midpoint
What I learned in this assignment is this is the point where our main character changes their initial journey and thought. This will play into how we end our story.
EXT. PARK – DAY
Darryl reaches out to Tina to meet up with him. Tina joins him and the two talk about their college experience. Darryl opens to her about his father’s death and rocky relationship with his mother. The two share an intimate kiss and Tina invites him back to her place.
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT- NIGHT
Darryl and Tina make love, it being Darryl’s first time. They talk after about how they will make the most out of college. Tina expresses her disdain for certain sorority sisters and feels they hold her back. They both fall asleep in each other’s arms, a new feeling for Darryl.
BATHROOM- LATER
Darryl grabs his clothes and gets dressed in the bathroom. Darryl puts his pants on and slides his hand in his pocket. He removes the locket he found at Starkoaks, upon examining it he opens it and in shock. The pictures inside are Karen and Jeff.
The bathroom grows cold, and Karen appears behind him. She whispers in his ear, he’s the only one that can help her. Darryl is frozen with fear, Tina grabs his shoulder, and he snaps out of the trance. Darryl falls to the ground.
Tina gets him up and mentions how cold the bathroom is, she checks the window, it’s closed and locked. Darryl then asks for his pills in his bag. Tina questions and Darryl confides in her that he’s schizophrenic. Tina consoles him and the two head back into her bedroom.
After they exit the bathroom, the shower curtain moves.
EXT. DARRYL’S DORM- DAY
Darryl looks at the locket again, he grabs his pills and throws them away. The events the night before make a true believer out of him. He proceeds to call Ellen and wants to know more about the Vernon case. Ellen invites him to meet.
Before Darryl can leave Detective William Garnett stops by to visit Darryl and ask him questions about several disappearances on campus. Darryl gives vague answers and Detective Garnett asks him to keep in contact if he hears of any information.
EXT. PARK- DAY
Ellen meets with Darryl; she informs him how she rarely comes out because of her traumatic past. Detective Garnett follows the two since he believes Darryl knows more than what he is saying.
Ellen informs Darryl that Karen was the daughter of the sheriff who caught Vernon and saved Ellen’s life. Darryl now makes it his personal mission to not only avenge his father but catch Karen’s killer as well.
-
Benito Selim’s Act 2 Middle Scenes
What I learned in this assignment is to expand on your protagonist’s journey to fully flush out the rest of the story.
INT. ELLEN’S HOUSE- DAY
Darryl contacts Ellen who invites him over. Darryl believes she is bluffing with him until she reveals details of his past. Ellen informs him that she can’t tell him who the girl (Karen) is since she is not attached to her but can only sense her presence.
Ellen tells Darryl that as a kid he helped solve a major crime. Ellen brings up Emily, Darryl is thrown into a trance-like state as Ellen speaks.
BEGIN FLASHBACK
EXT. CASE HOUSE- NIGHT
Police knock on the Case house door, Darryl opens it, officers ask for Mrs. Case. The officers inform her that the body of her husband has been found. Mrs. Case faints as Darryl stares on in confusion.
END FLASHBACK
INT. ELLEN’S HOUSE- LATER
Ellen nurses Darryl back and tell him about her past. Darryl learns Ellen survived a killing spree by one Johnny Vernon, a man who claimed he was being experimented on and that Starkoaks had a secret medical asylum under its grounds.
Ellen informs Darryl his father was one of his victims as well.
INT. MRS. CASE’S APARTMENT- LATER
Darryl pays his mother Natalie a visit to learn the truth about his father’s death. Natalie tells the truth.
BEGIN FLASHBACK
EXT. PARK- DAY
Darryl age 8 Plays in the playground while his mother looks on. Emily joins him and the two talk and laugh. Emily tells Darryl she met his father. Darryl rejoins his mother and tells her about Emily, Natalie becomes angry and tells Darryl to stop making up stories.
Silvia, Emily’s mother posts a flyer on a tree and Darryl tells him mom that’s Emily. Silvia then asks Darryl how he knows her, but Natalie becomes defensive and pulls Darryl away. Darryl looks back to a distraught Silvia not understanding why she is upset.
END FLASHBACK
-
Benito Selim’s Act 2 reaction to Turning Point.
What I learned from this assignment is with Act 1 complete the real meat of the story can begin. You can reveal more of the story from the initial incident that got it off the ground.
ACT 2
INT. CLASSROOM- DAY
BEGINNING: Darryl meets with Lorraine and Calvin before class who insure him the footage has been fixed. Darryl enters the class with them, Andrew, Marcus, and Gary to screen their project.
MIDDLE: The project screens successfully then in the end it begins to act up again. More brutal images of Karen’s death are shown. Karen makes eye contact with Darryl and asks for help. No one else can see this.
END: Their teacher cuts off the film and Darryl asks if anyone else has seen Karen talking to him. Darryl receives blank stares. The film and camera projector itself burst into flames. All evidence Darryl had, is gone.
PLACEHOLDER: Why did Karen’s death re-appear? What connection does she have to Darryl?
INT. RESTAURANT- EVENING
BEGINNING: Darryl is reluctant to take Tina out on a date because of the earlier events but does anyway. Darryl attempts his best to not seem awkward, but Tina can spot it.
MIDDLE: Tina eases Darry by having him talk about it. Darryl begins to feel better, Tina excuses herself from their dinner table.
END: While Tina is away, a woman named Ellen Paisley approaches Darryl and tells him he is not sick, but instead possess a gift. Ellen leaves her contact and tells Darryl to contact her; alone. Darryl reluctantly accepts.
Reaction to Turning Point: Darryl is informed he is a medium not schizophrenic.
EXT. TINA’S APARTMENT- LATER
BEGINNING: Darryl walks Tina to her apartment, she wants to invite him in, but declines. Darryl is not disappointed but feels he has a real chance with her.
MIDDLE: Darryl gets a kiss goodnight and begins to exit when he is approached by Detective Will Garnett. Garnett informs him of a missing person case he is working on and asks Darryl to come by the station when he is available.
END: Garnett shows Darryl a picture of Karen and Jeff. Darryl tries not to act surprised, but Garnett catches his reaction. Garnett does not let on and leaves his info with Darryl. When Garnett exits Darryl removes Ellen’s contact from his pocket along with his phone.
-
Benito Selim’s finished Act 1
What I learned in this assignment is breaking down the acts into two parts and writing separately made the story clearer for me. It also gave me examples of how I can improve on character interaction.
ACT 1
INT. MOVING VEHICLE- NIGHT
Karen and Jeff ride along a lonely road. Jeff admits he hasn’t been trying hard enough to make the relationship work but wants to. Jeff parks the car on a lover’s lane turns out from the road.
Karen appreciates his attempts but is still troubled by something on her mind. she then admits to Jeff, she’s been distant as well since her father has now reached out to her after years of being distant.
Jeff understands their troubled relationship and vows to help her through it. Jeff exits the vehicle to use the restroom. He is killed immediately as an unknown figure stands in front of the vehicle in Karen’s sight. Karen attempts to start the car, but Jeff has the keys. She flees the car.
EXT. LONELY ROAD- CONTINUOUS
Karen runs down the road. The killer is on her heels directly behind her.
EXT. STARKOAKS- LATER
Karen enters Starkoaks and hides under a pig troff. The Killer runs past and scrambles to find Karen. Karen waits a minute then runs in the opposite direction.
INT. BARN- LATER
Karen ducts In the barn, she discovers candles and dead animals along with other remains. The killer then appears from the shadows and proceeds to kill her.
SUPER: 1 MONTH LATER
INT. DARRYL’S DORMROOM- NIGHT
Darryl dozes off while on his computer, the computer begins to act up then stops. Darryl figures he’s just tired and shuts down his computer. Darryl hears a faint voice followed by a piercing scream. He runs to his drawer and removes a bottle of pills. Darryl takes one and everything is silenced.
Darryl hears faint voices again followed by giggles, the door opens and his roommate Gary and his date stumble in.
Gary apologizes he didn’t know Darryl was there, he exits with his date. Darryl lies down as a shadow on his blank computer screen moves out of frame.
EXT. DORM DUMPSTER- DAY
Darryl and Gary take out the garbage to the dump. Darryl overhears sorority girls talking about Karen missing. She was last seen with her boyfriend (Jeff)
Darryl asks Gary if he knows them. Gary says Jeff is his frat brother, but he probably just ran off with some other chic. Gary continues he doesn’t get involved with his Frat bros drama.
The two enter the dumpster to dump the garbage, Darryl gives notice to an old 8MM camera someone threw out. He takes it despite Gary telling him it’s useless. As the two leave the dumpster, a slight wind closes the dumpster behind them.
INT. REC HALL- DAY
Darryl and Gary meet up with Marcus. A love interest Tina joins the group and speaks with Darryl briefly. Gary pushes Darryl to talk to her.
Darryl speaks with Tina reluctantly, the two sit at the table. Darryl eventually asks her out on a date. She accepts and the two set a day. Darryl is extremely happy and shares the news with his friends.
INT. STUDY ROOM- LATER
Darryl goes over details of the group’s final project with Gary and Marcus. They are joined by Calvin, Lorraine, and Andrew who are part of the crew. Darryl tells them they will be filming at Starkoaks farm.
The group is excited but unsure how they can get in. Darryl has a plan and announces they will shoot on the 8MM camera he found.
Gary and Calvin are reluctant but agree to do so. Darryl is happy he glances over to a group of sorority sisters who are handing out flyers. One of them approaches the group and gives them a flyer with Karen’s picture on it.
EXT. STARKOAKS FARM – DAY
Darryl and his friends sneak through a gate and film around the farm. They notice a dilapidated barn and enter.
INT. BARN- LATER
Marcus films what appear to be bloodstains. He sets up the camera on a tripod and sets up a light for his next shot. Darryl joins him and his foot sweeps over something in the hay. Darryl looks down to find a locket, he admires it and puts it into his pocket.
After Darryl takes the locket. Karen appears within the camera shot, but neither Darryl nor Marcus sees her. Both mention how cold it is in the barn, but when they turn in Karen’s direction; she is gone.
INT. EDIT SUIT- EVENING
Darry, Marcus, Calvin, and Lorraine edit the film when they notice a lot of jump cuts in the footage. They question each other, but no one recognizes the footage.
Karen appears on screen and is repeatedly stabbed and dies. Darryl and his friends react in shock. They begin arguing and blaming each other, the bulk comes down to Marcus.
Marcus denies any wrongdoing and the group eventually calms down.
Calvin and Lorraine inform Darryl they can remove the footage. Darryl agrees to help them but is still bothered by it. Darryl excuses himself.
EXT. COLLEGE COURTYARD- NIGHT
Darryl passes a bulletin board where several missing people flyers are posted. Darryl spaces out.
BEGIN FLASHBACK
EXT. CASE HOUSE- DAY
Darryl Age 8 plays in his front yard when a little girl names Emily enters his yard and asks if he likes to play. Darryl asks her was she hurt since she appears dirty. Emily continues to play but gives no answer.
Mrs. Case calls for Darryl to come inside. Darryl wants to tell Emily bye, but she is gone.
END FLASHBACK
Darryl continues back to his dorm. Darryl keeps looking around him, he feels as if he’s being watched.
EXT/INT. COLLEGE DORM- NIGHT
Darryl arrives at the security glass down of the dorm. Darryl enters and heads up the stairs at a fast-paced.
As the door shuts, Karen’s reflection is seen faintly.
-
Benito Selim’s Turning point scene 1
What I learned from this assignment is by breaking up the acts with the important scenes needed, the story conveys to the audience easier. It will create more mystery and not confusion.
EXT. STARKOAKS FARM – DAY
BEGINNING: Darryl and his friends sneak through a gate and film around the farm. They notice a dilapidated barn and enter.
MIDDLE: Marcus films what appear to be bloodstains. He sets up the camera on a tripod and sets up a light for his next shot. Darryl joins him and his foot sweeps over something in the hay. Darryl looks down to find a locket, he admires it and puts it into his pocket.
END: After Darryl takes the locket. Karen appears within the camera shot, but neither Darryl nor Marcus sees her. Both mention how cold it is in the barn, but when they turn in Karen’s direction; she is gone.
INT. EDIT SUIT- EVENING
BEGINNING: Darry, Marcus, Calvin, and Lorraine edit the film when they notice a lot of jump cuts in the footage. They question each other, but no one recognizes the footage.
MIDDLE: Karen appears on screen and is repeatedly stabbed and dies. Darryl and his friends react in shock. They begin arguing and blaming each other, the bulk comes down to Marcus. He denies any wrongdoing and the group eventually calms down.
END: Calvin and Lorraine inform Darryl they can remove the footage. Darryl agrees to help them but is still bothered by it. Darryl excuses himself.
EXT. COLLEGE COURTYARD- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Darryl passes a bulletin board where several missing people flyers are posted. Darryl spaces out as he flashes back to his childhood.
MIDDLE: At age 8 Darryl plays in his front yard when a little girl names Emily enters his yard and asks if he likes to play. Darryl asks her was she hurt since she appears dirty. Emily continues to play but gives no answer.
END: Mrs. Case calls for Darryl to come inside. Darryl wants to tell Emily bye, but she is gone. Darryl comes out of his flashback and continues back to his dorm. As he enters, Karen’s reflection is seen faintly on the glass door.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Benito Selim.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by
-
Benito Selim’s Inciting Incident
What I learn in this assignment is the inciting Incident sets motion the story the rest of the film will follow.
ACT 1
INT. MOVING VEHICLE- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Karen and Jeff ride along a lonely road. Jeff admits he hasn’t been trying hard enough to make the relationship work but wants to. Jeff parks the car on a lover’s lane turn out from the road.
MIDDLE: Karen appreciates his attempts but is still troubled by something on her mind. she then admits to Jeff, she’s been distant as well since her father has now reached out to her after years of being distant.
END: Jeff understands their troubled relationship and vows to help her through it. Jeff exits the vehicle to use the restroom. He is killed immediately as an unknown figure stands in front of the vehicle in Karen’s sight. Karen attempts to start the car, but Jeff has the keys. She flees the car.
EXT. STARKOAKS- FARM
BEGINNING: Karen runs down the road with the killer on her trail. She enters Starkoaks and hides under a pig troff.
MIDDLE: The Killer runs past and scrambles to find Karen. Karen waits a minute then runs in the opposite direction. She ducts into a barn.
END: In the barn, she discovers candles and dead animals along with other remains. The killer then appears from the shadows and proceeds to kill her.
INT. DARRYL’S DORMROOM- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Darryl dozes off while on his computer, the computer begins to act up then stops. Darryl figures he’s just tired and shuts down his computer.
MIDDLE: Darryl hears a faint voice followed by a piercing scream. He runs to his drawer and removes a bottle of pills. Darryl takes one and everything is silenced.
END: Darryl hears faint voices again followed by giggles, the door opens and his roommate Gary and his date stumble in. Gary apologizes he didn’t know Darryl was there, he exits with his date. Darryl lies down as a shadow on his blank computer screen moves out of frame.
EXT. DORM DUMPSTER- DAY
SUPER: 1 MONTH LATER
BEGINNING: Darryl and Gary take out garbage to the dump. Darryl overhears sorority girls talk about Karen missing. She was last seen with her boyfriend (Jeff)
MIDDLE: Darryl asks Gary if he knows them. Gary says Jeff is his frat brother, but he probably just ran off with some other chic. Gary continues he doesn’t get involved with his Frat bros drama.
END: The two enter the dumpster to dump the garbage, Darryl gives notice to an old 8MM camera someone threw out. He takes it despite Gary telling him it’s useless. As the two leave the dumpster, a slight wind closes the dumpster behind them.
INT. REC HALL- DAY
BEGINNING: Darryl and Gary meet up with Marcus. A love interest Tina joins the group and speaks with Darryl briefly. Gary pushes Darryl to talk to her.
MIDDLE: Darryl speaks with Tina reluctantly, but eventually asks her out on a date. She accepts and the two set a day.
END: Darryl is extremely happy and shares the news with his friends.
INT. STUDY ROOM- LATER
BEGINNING: Darryl goes over details of the group’s final project with Gary and Marcus. They are joined by Calvin, Lorraine, and Andrew who are part of the crew. Darryl tells them they will be filming at Starkoaks farm.
MIDDLE: The group is excited but unsure how they can get in. Darryl has a plan and announces they will shoot on the 8MM camera he found.
END: Gary and Calvin are reluctant but agree to do so. Darryl is happy he glances over to a group of sorority sisters who are handing out flyers. One of them approaches the group and gives them a flyer with Karen’s picture on it.
-
Benito Selim’s ACT 1 opening scenes
What I learn in this assignment is the introduction of your characters sets the whole script into motion. All the clues you give into the beginning contribute to the story being played out.
ACT 1
INT. MOVING VEHICLE- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Karen and Jeff ride along a lonely road. Jeff admits he hasn’t been trying hard enough to make the relationship work but wants to.
Jeff parks the car on a lover’s lane turn out from the road.
MIDDLE: Karen appreciates his attempts but is still troubled by something on her mind. she then admits to Jeff, she’s been distant as well since her father has now reached out to her after years of being distant.
END: Jeff understands their troubled relationship and vows to help her through it. Jeff exits the vehicle to use the restroom. He is killed immediately as an unknown figure stands in front of the vehicle in Karen’s sight.
Karen attempts to start the car, but Jeff has the keys. She flees the car.
EXT. STARKOAKS- FARM
BEGINNING: Karen runs down the road with the killer on her trail. She enters Starkoaks and hides under a pig troff.
MIDDLE: The Killer runs past and scrambles to find Karen. Karen waits a minute then runs in the opposite direction. She ducts into a barn.
END: In the barn, she discovers candles and dead animals along with other remains. The killer then appears from the shadows and proceeds to kill her.
INT. DARRYL’S DORMROOM- NIGHT
BEGINNING: Darryl dozes off while on his computer, the computer begins to act up then stops. Darryl figures he’s just tired and shuts down his computer.
MIDDLE: Darryl hears a faint voice followed by a piercing scream. He runs to his drawer and removes a bottle of pills. Darryl takes one and everything is silenced.
END: Darryl hears faint voices again followed by giggles, the door opens and his roommate Gary and his date stumble in. Gary apologizes he didn’t know Darryl was there, he exits with his date. Darryl lies down as a shadow on his blank computer screen moves out of frame.
-
Benito Selim’s beat sheet 2
What I learned in this assignment is having two separate beat sheets makes for a better script since we can examine both protagonist and antagonist better.
ACT 1
INT. MOVING CAR- NIGHT
Opening: Karen and her boyfriend Jeff drive along a lonely road. Karen mentions she has been feeling uneasy lately.
TE 1: Jeff questions why she is feeling nervous, and Karen reminds him of the date. Jeff acknowledges as they continue with their ride. Jeff informs Karen of a surprise.
PLACEHOLDER: Karen already has a secret about her past and feels something bad is going to happen.
EXT. STARKOAKS FARM -NIGHT
INCITING INCIDENT: Karen and Jeff arrive at a decorated barn. They have a romantic evening. Jeff excuses himself and is killed by an unknown assailant outside the barn. Karen tries to escape by running and hiding but eventually is killed.
INT. DARRYL’S DORM ROOM- NIGHT
Darryl works on his computer. He begins hearing faint voices followed by a scream for help. Darryl reaches into his drawer and removes pills. He takes the pills, and the voices go away.
EXT. DUMPSTER — DAY
Darryl finds a projector-type camera and comes up with the idea to shoot his final project on film.
EXT. STARKOAKS FARMS- DAY
Darryl and his friends shoot their documentary at the farm; Darryl finds a locket a takes it with him.
TE 2: As Darryl and his friend’s film, Karen appears in the viewfinder, but no one gives notice. She disappears without anyone noticing her.
INT. EDITING ROOM- LATER
Darryl and his friends edit their footage, Karen appears on their footage and is brutally murdered. Shocked they then think it’s a joke and edit out the footage.
INT. CLASSROOM- DAY
TE 3: Darryl and his friends show their project, but Karen reappears her murder is more gruesome than before. She connects with Darryl and asks for help, which no one else sees. The projector camera and film then go up in flames.
PLACEHOLDER: Why is Karen reaching out to Darryl? Why did she appear in the film?
ACT 2
INT. COLLEGE LIBRARY- DAY
Darryl does research into recent disappearances and murders. Darryl then reflects on his childhood and befriending a young girl who was discovered to be murdered.
INT. DORM BATHROOM- DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: Darryl splashes water on his face and is instantly back at Starkoaks. Karen is standing in the middle of the field staring at him. She holds a locket; Darryl comes back to reality in a panic
PLACEHOLDER: What does Karen want with Darryl? Why is she communicating with him?
INT. RESTAURANT- NIGHT
Darryl encounters a woman by the name of Ellen Paisley who informs Darryl he possesses a gift of being a medium. Ellen tells him Karen has attached himself to him. Darryl at this point decides to open the locket to find Karen and Jeff’s pictures inside.
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS- DAY
Darryl shares the news with his friends who oppose his pursuit of finding out who killed Karen. Detective Will Garnett sought out Darryl for questioning.
TE 4: Garnett informs Darryl that Karen is related to the cop who took down a serial killer named Johnny Vernon. The same killer Darryl unknowingly help capture.
INT. POLICE STATION- EVENING
Detective Garnett tries to get a confession out of Darryl, but his details of the murder are not adding up to accuse him. Darryl is released and proceeds to meet up with Ellen for more information. Detective Garnett tails him.
INT. ELLEN’S HOUSE- NIGHT
Ellen informs Darryl about her past and the murders that have haunted the town. Darryl then connects his childhood experiences with ghosts and discovers he helped bring down the very person who was trying to kill Ellen.
TE 5: Karen appears to Darryl. Ellen tells him she’s aware of her and knows her past, but she is attached to Darryl, Ellen cannot intercept communication.
PLACEHOLDER: Darryl possesses her locket therefore Karen is with him.
ACT 3
INT. MRS. CASE’S HOUSE- DAY
Darryl meets with this mother to get answers. He gives details of the past murders, and his mother confesses that they jump to conclusions about his diagnosis. She also admits his father was murdered by the very killer, he helped capture.
EXT. STARKOAKS FARM- LATER
Darryl returns to the farm solo and is immediately thrown into a vision. He can communicate with Karen more clearly and encounters other victims.
INT. COLLEGE DORM- NIGHT
Darryl is attacked but gets away. Detective Garnett returns to gather information, he then asks for Darryl’s help and opens up about previously knowing Ellen. Garnett also informs Darryl two of his friends have been murdered.
The ending is still in the works.
-
Benito Selim’s high-speed beat sheet
What I learned in this assignment is breaking down each scene makes for a better-detailed script and interaction between your characters.
ACT 1
EXT. STARKOAKS FARM -NIGHT
OPENING: Karen and Jeff arrive a decorated barn. They have a romantic evening then are killed by an unknown assailant.
INT. DARRYL’S DORM ROOM- NIGHT
TE 1: Darryl works on his computer. He begins hearing faint voices followed by a scream for help. Darryl reaches into his drawer and removes pills. He takes the pills, and the voices go away.
EXT. DUMPSTER — DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Darryl finds a projector-type camera and comes up with the idea to shoot his final project on film.
EXT. STARKOAKS FARMS- DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: Darryl and his friends shoot their documentary at the farm; Darryl finds a locket a takes it with him.
INT. EDITING ROOM- LATER
TE 2: Darryl and his friends edit their footage, Karen appears on their footage and is brutally murdered. Shocked they then think it’s a joke and edit out the footage.
INT. CLASSROOM- DAY
TE 3: Darryl and his friends show their project, but Karen reappears her murder is more gruesome than before. She connects with Darryl and asks for help, which no one else sees. The projector camera and film then go up in flames.
PLACEHOLDER: Why is Karen reaching out to Darryl? Why did she appear on the film?
ACT 2
INT. COLLEGE LIBRARY- DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: Darryl does research into recent disappearances and murders. Darryl then reflects on his childhood and befriending a young girl who was discovered to be murdered.
INT. RESTAURANT- NIGHT
TE 4: Darryl encounters a woman by the name of Ellen Paisley who informs Darryl he possesses a gift of being a medium. Ellen tells him Karen has attached himself to him. Darryl at this point decides to open the locket to find Karen and Jeff’s pictures inside.
PLACEHOLDER: How will Darryl handle his life-changing news of possessing psychic abilities? Will he proceed with solving Karen’s murder?
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS- DAY
Darryl shares the news with his friends who oppose his pursuit of finding out who killed Karen. Detective Will Garnett sought out Darryl for questioning.
INT. POLICE STATION- EVENING
TE 5: Detective Garnett tries to get a confession out of Darryl, but his details of the murder are not adding up to accuse him. Darryl is released and proceeds to meet up with Ellen for more information. Detective Garnett tails him.
INT. ELLEN’S HOUSE- NIGHT
TE 6: Ellen informs Darryl about her past and the murders that have haunted the town. Darryl then connects his childhood experiences with ghosts and discovers he helped bring down the very person who was trying to kill Ellen.
PLACEHOLDER: Is Darryl the intended target? Will the murders stop with him solving Karen’s?
ACT 3
INT. MRS. CASE’S HOUSE- DAY
TE 7: Darryl meets with this mother to get answers. He gives details of the past murders, and his mother confesses that they jump to conclusions about his diagnosis. She also admits his father was murdered by the very killer, he helped capture.
EXT. STARKOAKS FARM- LATER
Darryl returns to the farm solo and is immediately thrown into a vision. He can communicate with Karen more clearly and encounters other victims.
INT. COLLEGE DORM- NIGHT
TE 8: Darryl is attacked but gets away. Detective Garnett returns to gather information, he then asks for Darryl’s help and opens up about previously knowing Ellen. Garnett also informs Darryl two of his friends have been murdered.
The ending is still in the works.
-
Benito Selim’s Transformational events
What I learned from this lesson is giving even the smallest details to your characters change will play into your story’s flow easier. The details of your script become more vivid to the reader.
OLD WAYS
–Naïve and submissive to authority
-Suppressed to his schizophrenia
-Fascinated with the paranormal and unknown, but believes in a tangible reality
– Learned to embrace a normal life
NEW WAYS
-Trusts his instincts and goes outside the box
-Confronts and detaches from his original diagnosis
-Faces his fears instead of running
-Embraces his psychic abilities and loves he found who he really is
Transformational Events
-Questions his reality and is he really seeing a ghost
-Discovers that he is medium psychic and not schizophrenic
-Finds outs how these ghosts attach themselves to him
-Finds out he played a huge part in catching a serial killer when he was a child
-Gets the life outside the norm that he had always wanted
-No longer feels dependent on people in fear of being alone
-Let’s go of grudges against his family. No longer blames them for his disability
Benito Selim’s Revised 4 Act Transformational Structure
Act 1:
Opening: Karen Young has a romantic evening with her boyfriend Jeff at Starkoaks farm. An unknown assailant murders the two.
A month later, Darryl Case across town in his dorm begins experiencing unknown phenomena by hearing a faint voice and a scream, he takes his medication, and it stops.
Inciting Incident: Darryl throws trash out into his dorm dumpster and comes across an old projector-type camera. He brushes it off and takes it with him.
Turning Point: Darryl and his friends shoot a documentary about the abrupt closure of the farm using the old camera. Darryl finds a locket in an old barn and takes it with him, while editing their project the brutal death of Karen shows up on film.
Act 2:
New plan: After heavily editing the film, they present their project to the class. Karen reappears and her death is more gruesome than before. Unfortunately, the film and projector are destroyed, and Darryl is left with no project, but a lot of questions.
Plan in action: Darryl decides to investigate Starkoaks even more despite his girlfriend and close friends telling him not to. Darryl does this incognito.
Midpoint Turning Point: Darryl in his investigation is contacted by a woman Ellen Paisley who informs him that he possesses a psychic ability and he’s no schizophrenic. Darryl is confused and lost, he decides to look at the locket he found and opens it. Inside are the pictures of Karen and Jeff.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Darryl questions his illness and does his own research on psychic abilities. He reflects on his childhood when he encountered a little girl who was murdered. Darryl’s friendship with this child led to her murder and several others to be solved.
Confronts his mother about the childhood incident and finds out his father was a victim.
New plan: Darryl now believing what Ellen told him seeks her help. Darryl also informs his friends of his plan. Visions of Karen then begin to increase with more details. Darryl then experiences her death with her and finds more clues pertaining to the other murders as well.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Darryl partners with a detective on Karen’s disappearance but is accused of being involved. His friends try to clear his name but begin to be killed off by Karen’s killer.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Darryl finds Karen’s murder was due to her father solving an old case and Darryl was the next intended victim. The detective believes Darryl and the two along with Ellen return to the farm to end this killing spree.
While at the Farm Darryl and Ellen confront the killer and through touching, objects get the spirits of those murdered to help them end the killer’s reign.
Resolution: Karen’s murder is solved; she is at peace and the town can finally breathe a sigh of relief. Darryl is now content with his gift and embraces a new life ahead.
-
Benito Selim’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
Act 1:
Opening: Karen Young has a romantic evening with her boyfriend Jeff at Starkoaks farm. An unknown assailant murders the two.
After the murder, Darryl Case across town in his dorm begins experiencing unknown phenomena by hearing a faint voice and a scream, he takes his medication, and it stops.
Inciting Incident: A month later Darryl throws trash out into his dorm dumpster and comes across an old projector-type camera. He brushes it off and takes it with him.
Turning Point: Darryl and his friends shoot a documentary about the abrupt closure of the farm using the old camera. Darryl finds a locket in an old barn and takes it with him, while editing their project the brutal death of Karen shows up on film.
Act 2:
New plan: After heavily editing the film, they present their project to the class. Karen reappears and her death is more gruesome than before. Unfortunately, the film and projector are destroyed, and Darryl is left with no project, but a lot of questions.
Plan in action: Darryl decides to investigate Starkoaks even more despite his girlfriend and close friends telling him not to. Darryl does this incognito.
Midpoint Turning Point: Darryl in his investigation is contacted by a woman Ellen Paisley who informs him that he possesses a psychic ability and he’s no schizophrenic. Darryl is confused and lost, he decides to look at the locket he found and opens it. Inside are the pictures of Karen and Jeff.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Darryl questions his illness and does his own research on psychic abilities. He reflects to his childhood when he encountered a little girl who was murdered. Darryl’s friendship with this child led to her murder and several others to be solved.
New plan: Darryl now believing what Ellen told him seeks her help. Darryl also informs his friends of his plan. Visions of Karen then begin to increase with more details.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Darryl partners with a detective on Karen’s disappearance but is accused of being involved. His friends try to clear his name but begin to be killed off by Karen’s killer.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Darryl finds Karen’s murder was due to her father solving an old case and Darryl was the next intended victim. The detective believes Darryl and the two along with Ellen return to the farm to end this killing spree.
Resolution: Karen’s murder is solved; she is at peace and the town can finally breathe a sigh of relief. Darryl is now content with his gift and embraces a new life ahead.
What I learned doing this assignment is knowing your main character well makes them easier to fit into the screenplay and gives birth to the flow of the story.
-
Benito Selim’s Character Interviews
DARRYL CASE
Tell me about yourself.
I’m a 23-year-old college student with dreams of becoming an investigative journalist. I really enjoy documentaries, especially those that have to do with true crime. Despite wanting to pursue this career, I honestly went to college to get away from my parents and home. I have yearned to be treated as an actual adult and not someone with a disability. College was a great escape to start my new life.
Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?
I always knew, going back to childhood that I wasn’t crazy. I can feel a presence around me often and I knew I had to figure a way to communicate with these entities. This was constantly around me and on my mind. When I came across the Starkoaks legend, I became obsessed instantly and knew I had to visit. I felt drawn to that farm and was right, we connected instantly and wanted to learn everything I could about it.
You are up against Karen Young. What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you?
Karen has attached herself to me because she needs my help. The difficult part is no matter how dangerous my investigation into her murder gets, this includes people around me being targeted by this unknown serial killer; she won’t leave until she finds peace. I have no other option but to solve her case. She will not disappear, and the serial killer will still pursue me.
In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?
I am going to be very open-minded about the situations I encounter. I know a lot of the things I find in my personal investigation; I won’t be able to share with the cops right away. I have come to the realization that I could lose my life and as crazy as it sounds, I have to suppress that fear. If it’s my time, then it’s my time. The most difficult for me is trying to explain how I came across findings that were given to me by Karen. No one is gonna believe me.
What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?
My anxiety is always high when I encounter a presence. I have the schizophrenic meds that calm me when I feel like I’m just having a crazy episode. Now, that I know and am learning to navigate my gift, I must quit doubting myself and finally trust my instinct as I was born to do.
What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?
I was always told I was pretty much crazy. It pissed me off all these years that I was cursed with this disability and couldn’t be a normal person. Now that I realize I possess a gift, I’m a different kind of mad now. I’m mad that I had been lied to about who I really am because people couldn’t understand me.
What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?
When I was younger and before my medication was stronger, I had often come across kids who were dead or had been murdered. My parents always brushed it off, but I know I had single handling solved a few cases without realizing it. Now that I’m an adult and living my truth, I can investigate without being blocked.
What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?
I have not told my friends or my girlfriend that I’m psychic. I didn’t even mention to them I was diagnosed a schizophrenic, but rather told them I was bipolar. As I am getting deeper in this case, I want them to know the truth, but they are not ready to hear it.
What do you think of Karen Young?
I feel sad for her, I can see her pain. I genuinely want to help her solve her murder.
Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.
I feel like someone else knows just as much about her murder as I do, but I can figure out who it is, yet. I also feel like people around me are just passing me off as crazy because there is something that someone is hiding.
What does it do for your life is you succeed here?
Everything changes, I am a new person and born again. My approach to everything from this day on will be in a different light.
KAREN YOUNG
Tell me about yourself.
I’m a popular college student who wants to be a nurse. I know just about everyone, mainly for the fact that my father is the former sheriff. This can be both good and bad and linked to my disappearance.
Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?
My strength is getting through to Darryl and showing him what I have experienced. My weakness is the inability to fully explain what happened.
Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change?
I don’t want Darryl to fail at all, but I have disturbed his life by taking him out of the reality he thought he was in. He’s the only one that can help me cross over.
What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?
My murder is solved, and I can rest in peace. By solving my murder Darryl can expose who this vicious serial killer is and bring closure to a town that has been scared for years.
What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?
I’m already dead and unrested. I’m not the only one and other souls need peace.
What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity?
I may know my murderer and they are connected to Darryl. When the time is right, I can reveal it to him, as of now I can’t because he may not pursue this investigation.
Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?
Anyone with the gift that Darryl possesses can see and speak with me.
What do you think of Darryl Case?
I think he is smarter than he realizes. He has a good heart and overall, just a good person who really loves to help people.
Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.
My murder wasn’t random but planned. I am strongly convinced Darryl is the next victim.
What I learned from this assignment is your characters draw your story out more and leave endless possibilities to enhance your script. This also helps tremendously with the dialogue.
-
Benito Selim’s character profile 2
DARRYL CASE
What draws us to this character? A misunderstood underdog. Darryl’s whole life those around him have tippy-toed around his Illness and tend to treat him like he’s disabled. As Darryl learns to use his psychic abilities his confidence makes him tougher and able to find Karen’s and the other’s killer.
Traits: naive, ambitious, and a risk-taker.
Subtext: Despite being afraid of Karen’s apparition, he forces himself to listen to her story despite her not speaking but showing. Hides his fear from others about the serial killer on the loose to prevent more panic.
Flaw: his innocence
Values: Truth and loyalty.
Irony: Despite being told by a fellow psychic he has a gift; he continues to follow his schizophrenic regiment and hides information from the police that can prevent more deaths, despite his adamant attitude to solve Karen’s murder.
What makes him the right character for this role? He has a relatable attitude as anyone his age would be told they are psychic and can talk to the dead. He’s an average college student who was thrown into an abnormal situation but chooses not to run away.
KAREN YOUNG
What draws us to this character? Despite being dead, she has a hypnotizing beauty about her. People want to know who and why she was murdered. She not only gives clues to Darryl about her murder but connects hers to previous murders that have haunted the surrounding community for years.
Traits: mysterious.
Subtext: she has a secret as to why she is helping him more than needed.
Flaw: She’s not as innocent as appears.
Values: connected to someone powerful.
Irony: despite appearing as an innocent victim, Karen has more secrets than leading on. Karen does want to solve her murder via Darryl but has to show him the others who were killed before the killer gets to him.
What makes him the right character for this role? Without her, Darryl would simply think he is sick and crazy. Darryl wouldn’t embrace his gift, nor would he pursue the change.
What I learned doing this assignment is flushing out your characters fully is important so the viewer can follow the story better.
-
Benito Selim’s character profiles – Part 1
GENRE: Horror
Timeframe – Present day
Setting: College Campus and surrounding area
DARRYL CASE
Role in the story: Hero / Dreamer. Ambitious yet naïve college student who questions his illness as really being a gift.
Age range and Description: Male early 20’s into studying the unknown.
Internal Journey: Hides from people he is diagnosed with Schizophrenia and feels helpless that he cannot live a normal life nor have a career he enjoys.
External Journey: Trusts his guts instinct that he is not in fact sick but has the gift of being a medium. With this new aspect of life, he can find out who killed the victim is he haunted by.
Motivation: Clear his name and embrace his gift that is not an illness.
Wound: Confronting his past and getting clarification that he is not crazy and really can speak to the dead.
Mission/Agenda: To find out who killed Laura as well his friends.
Secret: His ability to communicate to the dead lead to a serial killer’s end of terror when he was a child.
What makes them special? He is very observant with the abilities he is given via his gift. He can also share it now as an adult with those close to him.
KAREN YOUNG
Role in the story: Change agent. The ghost of a murder victim has attached herself to Darryl and seeks his help.
Age range and Description: Female early 20’s college student in with the popular crowd.
Internal Journey: Stuck on earth as a lost soul.
External Journey: With Darryl’s help gets closure on her murder.
Motivation: Crossing over to the afterlife.
Wound: Not resting in peace.
Mission/Agenda: To escape purgatory
Secret: She knows her killer, but is unable to say it.
What makes them special? Through detailed clues, she can effectively communicate with Darryl.
OTHER CHARACTERS:
THE KILLER: Villain committing several murders that are linked to the past. The past that the college town has tried to suppress.
What I learned from this lesson is digging deep into your characters’ lives adds more layers to your story and makes it easier to map out.
-
Benito Selim’s – Transformational Journey
My Hero is Darryl Case, a 23-year-old college senior who is close to quitting school because feels his journalism major will just end up a decently paid job and not a career, he loves. Darryl his whole life has felt like an outcast and college was the place he could be new.
Darryl’s internal journey: Confronting his past to learn the truth about himself and build up his confidence.
Darryl’s External journey: Embracing that he has a clairvoyance gift and is not a schizophrenic while closing a decades-old cold case.
OLD WAYS:
-Afraid and obedient
-Too trusting in his diagnosis
-A sad loner who couldn’t open up to people
NEW WAYS:
-Expanding his mind to take control of his gift and not right it off as being sick
-Confident to find who is committing murders around campus
-Taking control and his life for closure even if he’s in danger
What I learned from doing this assignment is stepping into your hero/main character’s shoes to become them and get your script process flowing.
-
I’m Benito Selim, I’m from the San Francisco Bay Area.
I have written several shorts most of which I have expanded. I have a total of 8 scripts. 3 Features, 3 TV Pilots, 1 Graphic Novel, and 1 Spec script.
I have taken three classes with Hal and Cheryl, I love the information given and really hope to become motivated again and spark that flame of creation back up. I am ready to get my scripts back out there and hope it’s good enough to be optioned and even get writing assignments.
I’m a huge horror fan (both film and TV)
-
1. Benito Selim
2. I agree to the terms of this release form.
-
Love this story and the whole supernatural aspect of New Orleans, there is a lot there. Only thing minor with the one page is that it’s not mentioned about Fabien being a vampire. I know it’s mentioned in the logline, this could confuse the reader. But overall great idea and would love to read the script.
-
Thank you Diana. I appreciate your feedback. I have always struggled with One Pages, it’s definitely one of my challenges to get the meat of the story out without sounding redundant. I know I’m not the only one that is excited to tell their story and wants to cover every detail, even when it’s not needed. What’s funny is your feedback is very similar to feedback I received from a contest I entered in October.
I definitely know the key areas to fix to improve my story. I really enjoyed writing this and it was easy for me to select it for a needed rewrite.
Thank you again,
Benito
-
Sounds like a plan. I’ll shoot you an email. I loved your one page as well plus New Orleans is my second home hahaha
-
It’s a plan