birgit keil
Forum Replies Created
-
Hi, everyone, I’ve been MIA but do plan to finish the course.
I see that lessons 14 – 18 are posted below lesson 2.
-
Birgit Keil_Elevated Story Beats
LEARNINGS : It just keeps getting better!
Per the assignment, I began by choosing 3 scenes to punch up. I ended up reworking every single one. Rather than post the entire beat sheet, each character, here’s the Cliff’s Notes:
The characters themselves now have emerging qualities and traits. Each one has a stronger personality and all play off each other which causes more conflict and take the scenes to more of an extreme.
-
7 – Find Your Script’s Entertainment Value
Birgit Keil – Scene Ratings
LEARNINGS : There’s always room to make things stronger and more engaging.
RELATIVELY NORMAL
LOG LINE
A successful big city marketing executive is forced to return home to take care of her ailing parents and finds out she may not be able to get back to the job she loves.
ACT 1
(E 9) INT – ADVERTISING CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Conference room chaos. A group of executives and creatives are passionately presenting to a client. John excitedly tries to convince the client not to fire the agency.
Lewis butt-kissing the client. Wiping spilled coffee off his lapel, picking up papers the client swept off the table in frustration.
Margot at the conference room table, hands steepled in front of her taking in all the chaos. She unfolds her hands and slowly stands up. Everyone stops mid-action. You could hear a pin drop. All eyes are on Margot. She convinces the client to let the agency to re-visit the campaign.
Inciting Incident
(E 9) 2. INT – OFFICE – DAY
Margot walks into her offices and finds an office full of shopping bags and her sister Lizbeth sitting the her chair behind the desk. Tells Margot that their dad has been missing for 3 days. Margot calls mom and finds out that it’s no big deal, it happens every so often.
(E 5) 3. INT – BOSS’S OFFICE – DAY
Margot lets her boss John know that she needs to check in on her parents. John is not happy because the client is putting the account up for review and she is the glue. He looks out the door and leers at Margot’s sister walking down the hallway.
Underling listens in and says he can help out while Riley is WFH.
(E 5) 4. INT – OFFICE – DAY
Margot throws some things into her bag and grabs Robert Plant from the window sill.
(E 5) 5. INT – OFFICE CUBICLES – DAY
Louis is eyeing/scoping out her office. Christina, Margot’s “right-hand man” takes notice.
Turning Point 1
(E 9) 6. INT – AIRPLANE – DAY
Margot struggles with flight attendant to let her keep Robert, her plant, with her during the flight. An enraged passenger allegedly is allergic to plants. A “Karen” episode ensues and the woman is escorted off the flight by an air marshal.
ACT 2
(E 5) 1. EXT – SUBURBAN CHILDHOOD HOME – DAY
Margot arrives and sees the grass is half mowed with mower sitting in the middle of the lawn, trash barrels scattered in the front, the shingles askew, mail scattered around the box.
Margot attempts to open the front door but it is locked. After knocking with no response, she fumbles around in her purse to find the house key.
(E 7) 2. INT – KITCHEN – DAY
Poppy is happily catering to Mom.. Mother is surprised because she thinks everything is OK. Margot rattles off a list of questions regarding the disappearance of her father. Poppy turns and her expression changes when she looks at Margot
Mom says it was her birthday and dad wanted to fix the door knob and went to the Big Box Hardware to get some parts and is convinced he’s still out looking for the right piece. She’s delusional, yet almost non-functional.
Someone is unlocking the back door, Officer Bozwell lets himself in – he’s got his own key! He saunters over to the cupboard gets his “Coffee Cop.” Margot turns her attention on him and asks what he is doing to help find her father. Bozwell (Boz) is seems nervous and tries to assure her everything is being done to find him.
As Stuart the dog scampers in to greet her she notices his ridiculous hair cut that much resembles the lawn. In order to save money, dad gave him a hair cut. Things inside are not quite right, either. The curtains are crooked. A bag of flour is in with the coffee cups.
Not making any headway, she scoops up Stuart and her plant Robert, a bottle of wine and heads to her childhood bedroom.
(E 8) 3. INT – BEDROOM – EVENING
Margot opens the door and the room is now a hobby room. It’s filled with easels and paintings, tin-foil sculptures, ornaments, gift wraps, a sewing machine, fabrics and a dressmakers mannequin. The bed is covered in bills and paperwork. She shuffles thru the paperwork and picks up a bill.
Margot finds a place for Robert, Stuart picks up an ornament and starts to play with it. She chases Stuart and wrangles the ornament away. He pees on Robert.
Margot calls the number on the credit card bill and asks the representative to help track her father. Under normal circumstances, that’s not approved of but the rep has an open screen and will keep it logged in to track dad’s activity.
MONTAGE OF SHOTS BETWEEN MARGOT AND REP TRACKING DAD’S WHERE-ABOUTS ACROSS THE STATE
• Dad has been to the East side of the state and got a hot dog at the gas station
• Dad has been at a marina bought a bottle of water and a snack.
• Dad has been at German Village and had a beer and a brat Mid-state.
• Dad has been to a micro brewery on the North side of the state.
Margot pushes the paperwork aside and falls asleep with phone in hand.
She is awakened by a voice (from phone) then notices someone hovering over her. She jumps out of bed only to realize it’s the dressmakers mannequin.
ACT 3
(E 6) 1 – INT – KITCHEN – MORNING
Margot walks in wearing scrubby pajamas, disheveled, mascara under her eyes, holding tablet and a notebook.
Mom is sitting at the table staring at a bowl full of un-peeled hardboiled eggs. Dad loves eggs.
Riley goes to the curb to get the newspaper.
(E 6) 3. EXT – HOUSE – MORNING
Margot checks to see if the coast is clear. The mail truck coming but makes a dash for it anyway. She grabs the paper and looks into the mailbox and fights to pull out the jammed mail.
Kent, the mail carrier pulls up and hands her the daily mail with a smile. Margot, brushes her fingers though her hair, tries to wipe the mascara under her eyes, and clutches her pjs. She explains that she’s just visiting.
She tries to get in the kitchen door but it’s locked and the mail stack of tumbles out of her arms as she tries to get in. Kent smiles and drives away.
(E 5) 4. INT – KITCHEN – MORNING
Mom takes the paper and smacks a fly with it.
Lizbeth dressed to the nines walks in with a half eaten cruller and offers it to mom for breakfast. Mom is so happy to see her and appreciative for the breakfast.
New Plan
Margot is uneasy about leaving mom in Lizbeth’s care, but has to go back to the office for a couple of days to square things away.
(E 6) 5. EXT – YARD – DAY
On her way out, she sees a steam of people coming in and out of the neighboring Poppy Shed. Now legal, Poppy is selling “recreational” candies and teas and paraphernalia.
Distracted, Margot backs out of the drive trying to avoid Poppy’s customer traffic and almost hits the mail truck.
(E 8) 6. INT – OFFICE – DAY
Lewis is sitting behind Margot’s desk and makes a lame excuse as to why he’s there. He leaves. She re-adjusts her chair to the correct hight and moves everything on her desk back into it’s rightful place.
John walks in and tells him she needs a week or so to sort things out with her parents. He says that WFH is fine. Besides, they are downsizing and the new plan will be “hotelling.” He advises Margot to pack her belongings because when she comes back, she won’t have her big office.
They discuss a big-budget production, John reminds Margot that the client is depending on her leadership and expertise. So, don’t drop the ball.
7. INT – OFFICE HALLWAY – DAY
Lewis is eavesdropping with his ear on the wall.
Margot and John walk out of the office into the hall and catch him listening.
(E 7) ACT 3
1. INT – KITCHEN – DAY
Margot, boxes in hand, struggles with the door lock and enters the kitchen. Eggs are boiling in a pot where the water has boiled off and are starting to pop off towards the ceiling. She removes the pot from the stove and calls for mom.
Mom enters, she was taking a nap and is wondering what all the fuss is about. Margot concerned that the house could have burnt down.
Mom reaches for a her pill case and starts to hand a pill to the dog by mistake.
Lizbeth enters and reaches into a crumpled bag and hands mom a half-eaten sandwich. As mom extremely is appreciative starts to pick at it. She walks to the door and locks it.
Margot looks in fridge and realizes there is no fresh food and leaves for the market.
Mom locks door behind her.
(E 4) 2. INT – GROCERY – DAY
Margot, in the produce section, basket with a few bottles of wine and some produce. She is on the phone with the credit card rep. The vegetable mist goes on, she drops the basket. Kent helps her pick up her produce and hands her the bananas. Margot’s mascara is running and her hair is flat.
She thanks him and mentions she’ll be staying with her parents for a bit. Kent says he’s noticed that things are amiss. Margot says she’ll be looking for some in-home help for her parents.
At register, cashier mentioned that Kent has the hots for Margot
Plan in action – The protagonist takes action on that plan:
(E 9) 3. INT – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Margot begins a series of elder-care interviews.
Enter nanny 1, Margot invites a rolly-polly “nanny” (older than the parents) into the house. Mom locks door behind them.
Enter nanny 2, Raven, 28. Goth. Facial piercings. Tattoos. Long black overcoat. Mom locks door behind them.
A third applicant knocks on the door Riley answers. Sanding there is a huge Hells Angel Type. Riley closes the door. Mom locks door behind them.
Knock on door. Enter 30ish blonde woman. Tight top and jeans. Man in tight jeans and wife-beater shirt is right behind her. Mom locks door behind them.
Miss Pringle. Small, frail woman when sitting in chair her feet don’t touch the floor. Mom locks door behind them.
Margot answers door and it’s Kent delivering mail. She brushes her hair back and it snags her ring.
Montage of door OPENING/CLOSING to reveal candidates:
• A flamboyant cross dresser
• Religious solicitation
• Prankster ringing bell / bag of flaming dog poop on the porch
Enter Girl Scout with an impressive list of accomplishments and resume including baby-sitting endorsements. So far she is the best candidate.
Opens door to let Girl Scout out and Poppy sweeps in with a bundle of freshly picked herb under her arm.
Lizbeth enters the room wondering what’s going on. Margot lets her know that the parents need help. Lizbeth upset because she thinks she’s handling things just perfectly.
Midpoint Turning Point 2
ACT 4
(E 6) 1. INT – KITCHEN – AFTERNOON
Poppy making an herbal salad for mom. Pushes Margot out of the way.
Boz (leery of the salad) is having a coffee.
Lizbeth is creating TikTok videos.
Margot exasperated as to why no-one sees the elephant in the room.
2. INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
(E 7) Margot, while corresponding the credit card representative, falls asleep. Startled awake by the mannequin, she grabs Robert, phone and wine, blanket and pillow and drags herself out of the “craft-room”.
Resolution
3. INT – ATTIC – NIGHT
(E 8) Margot, with Stuart at her heels, sets Robert on a box.
She brushes off a day-bed and sits on it. As she’s looking through a box of childhood photos and contemplates that this is her life. At least for a little while.
Everything is Relatively Normal.
-
Day 6 Assignment: Introduce Characters PowerfullyASSIGNMENT
Conference room chaos. Creatives presenting. John excitedly tries to convince the client not to fire the agency.
Lewis butt=kissing the client. Wiping spilled coffee off his lapel, picking up papers the client swept off the table in frustration.
Margot at the conference room table, hands steepled in front of her taking in all the chaos. She unfolds her hands and slowly stands up. Everyone stops mid-action. You could hear a pin drop. All eyes are on Margot. She convinces the client to let the agency to re-visit the campaign.
Poppy –
Riley walks into the kitchen and Poppy is happily catering to Mom. She turns and sees Margot and her expression changes to…
Bio
Hear keys in the door, Mom is excited and thinks it’s Dad, but it turns out it’s the cop. He’s got his own key. Saunters in and makes his way to the cupboard and pulls out his own coffee mug (COFFEE COP)
-
SUBJECT: Birgit_Character Story Beats
What I learned : As a sitcom there are fewer beats than in a feature. That there is no “final” end to the characters.
CHARACTER PROFILE : Margot Janssen
An uptight, follow the rules workaholic.BEGINNING: Margot leaves office to sort things out with her parents
MIDDLE: Margot takes control and tries to arrange adult-caregiving
END: Margot realizes she must stay with her parents longer than expected.
BEATS OF HER STORY
Margot is on top of her game with her career.
After her sister shows up at the office, Margot realizes she must go “home” to see what’s going on.
Margot meets neighbor and disagrees with her “healing” remedies.
Margot meets the cop who makes himself at home and is too familiar.
Margot meets the mail man and feels a spark.
Margot is frustrated that she is the only one that sees the levity of the situation.
After interviewing caregivers she is frustrated to find that there are no capable candidates.
Margot returns to the office to find her position being threatened by Lewis.
Margot must temporarily return home.
IMPROVEMENT: That compressing the timeline would make it more realistic for having her father missing.
CHARACTER PROFILE : Gretl Janssen
With and uber-imagination, she creates situations that must be reacted to.BEGINNING: Gretl doesn’t see what the big deal is about that her husband has been missing 3 days.
MIDDLE: Gretl relies on her network of her daughter, neighbor Poppy and officer Boz.
END: Gretl begins to realize that perhaps her husband has been missing for too long.
BEATS OF HER STORY
Gretl goes about her business as usual.
Is getting confused as to why there is tension.
Gretl “shuts down” when realizing her husband is indeed missing.
IMPROVEMENT:
CHARACTER PROFILE : Lewis Sullilvan
Ambitious, underhanded conniver wanting Margot’s position.BEGINNING: Underhandedly eavesdrops on Margot telling the boss that she has family problems.
MIDDLE: He moves into her office and is schmoozing with the boss.
END: Lewis is gaining the client’s trust and cutting Margot out of the loop.
BEATS OF HIS STORY:
Lewis quietly observes what is going on with Margot’s station.
He gradually moves into her territory.
Lewis blatantly is courting her client.
IMPROVEMENT: Give him a bigger role?
CHARACTER PROFILE : Poppy Hill
Despite her outward “free-spirit” persona, Poppy is opinionated and controlling.BEGINNING: Shows up as a caring neighbor.
MIDDLE: Starts to show her true colors in wanting to be in charge.
END: Lets Margot know that she’s not going anywhere.
BEATS OF HER STORY:
Margot in the Janssen home caring for Gretl.
Pushing Margot out of the way
Confrontation with Margot
IMPROVEMENT:
CHARACTER PROFILE : Dieter Janssen.
A happy go lucky father with dementia turns the household upside-down.
BEGINNING: He went missing when going to the hardware store.
MIDDLE: Is being tracked via credit card purchases.
END: he is still missing.
BEATS OF HIS STORY:
Margot finds out he has memory issues.
Margot finds out that he is worse off than expected.
He is still missing.
IMPROVEMENT: Does he return at the end of the episode?
-
LOGLINE : A successful big city marketing executive is forced to return home to take care of her ailing parents and finds out she may not be able to get back to the job she loves.
CHARACTER NAME : Margot Janssen
ROLE : Caregiver to parents
CORE CHARACTER TRAITS :
– Take charge
– Workaholic
– Passive/Aggressive
– Rule follower
CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE : Underneath Margot’s confident persona, she is undermined by her insecurities.
FLAW : She doesn’t understand why she is alone.
WANT : To get back to her previous life as a marketing executive.
CHARACTER NAME : Marta Janssen
ROLE : Mother to lead female character.
CORE CHARACTER TRAITS :
– Uber-imaginative
– Consummate worrier
– Delusional
– Keeping up appearances
CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE : Despite Marta’s worries, sometimes the biggest problems are not a problem.
FLAW : Hates that her life didn’t turn out the way she imagined.
WANT : To get things back to normal.
CHARACTER NAME : Poppy Hill
ROLE : Neighbor of parents
CORE CHARACTER TRAITS :
– Airy
– Thinks her way is best
– Passive/Aggressive
– Keeping up appearances
– Take Charge
CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE : Self- described Janssen caregiver through
FLAW : Despite her easy attitude, underneath she is very controlling.
WANT : Wants to be in charge of the Janssen household.
CHARACTER NAME : Lewis Sullivan
ROLE : Margot’s work report
CORE CHARACTER TRAITS :
– Ambitious
– Snarky
– Underhanded
– Conniver
– Butt-kisser
CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE : Snarky and ambitious, he’ll do anything to climb the company ladder.
FLAW : Despite the obvious, he is afraid to “come-out”.
WANT : Wants to get Riley’s job.
CHARACTER NAME : Dieter Janssen
ROLE : Margot’s father
CORE CHARACTER TRAITS :
– Happy-go-lucky
– Tries to make everyone laugh
– Lovable
– Has dementia
– Has moments of brilliance
– Timing for inappropriateness
CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE : Lovable and sweet, but with the a lack of a filter.
FLAW : Between not wanting to wear a hearing aid and his memory loss, he always gets things mixed up.
WANT : Wanting to be loved.
-
Day 3: Elevate the Beats of Your Story
I learned that since this script was written pre-pandemic, office interaction and anxiety has changed. The new beats added more conflict and interest.
RELATIVELY NORMAL
LOG LINE
A successful big city marketing executive is forced to return home to take care of her ailing parents and finds out she may not be able to get back to the job she loves.
ACT 1
INT – ADVERTISING CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
A group of executives and creatives passionately presenting to a client. Margot works through IT problems but client leaves without commitment of re-upping the contract with the agency.
Inciting Incident
2. INT – OFFICE – DAY
Margot walks into her offices and finds an office full of shopping bags and her sister Lizbeth sitting the her chair behind the desk. Tells Margot that their dad has been missing for 3 days. Margot calls mom and finds out that it’s no big deal, it happens every so often.
3. INT – BOSS’S OFFICE – DAY
Margot lets her boss John know that she needs to check in on her parents. John is not happy because the client is putting the account up for review and she is the glue. He looks out the door and leers at Margot’s sister walking down the hallway.
Underling listens in and says he can help out while Riley is WFH.
4. INT – OFFICE – DAY
Margot throws some things into her bag and grabs Robert Plant from the window sill.
5. INT – OFFICE CUBICLES – DAY
Louis is eyeing/scoping out her office. Christina, Margot’s “right-hand man” takes notice.
Turning Point 1
6. INT – AIRPLANE – DAY
Margot struggles with flight attendant to let her keep Robert, her plant, with her during the flight. An enraged passenger allegedly is allergic to plants. A “Karen” episode ensues and the woman is escorted off the flight by an air marshal.
ACT 2
1. EXT – SUBURBAN CHILDHOOD HOME – DAY
Margot arrives and sees the grass is half mowed with mower sitting in the middle of the lawn, trash barrels scattered in the front, the shingles askew, mail scattered around the box.
Margot attempts to open the front door but it is locked. After knocking with no response, she fumbles around in her purse to find the house key.
2. INT – KITCHEN – DAY
In the kitchen is her mother having “tea” with Poppy. Mother is surprised because she thinks everything is OK. Margot rattles off a list of questions regarding the disappearance of her father.
Mom said it was her birthday and dad wanted to fix the door knob and went to the Big Box Hardware to get some parts and is convinced he’s still out looking for the right piece. She’s delusional, yet almost non-functional.
Someone is unlocking the back door, Officer Bozwell lets himself in and gets his “Coffee Cop.” Margot turns her attention on him and asks what he is doing to help find her father. Bozwell (Boz) is nervous and tries to assure her everything is being done to find him.
As Stuart the dog scampers in to greet her she notices his ridiculous hair cut that much resembles the lawn. In order to save money, dad gave him a hair cut. Things inside are not quite right, either. The curtains are crooked. A bag of flour is in with the coffee cups.
Not making any headway, she scoops up Stuart and her plant Robert, a bottle of wine and heads to her childhood bedroom.
3. INT – BEDROOM – EVENING
Margot opens the door and the room is now a hobby room. It’s filled with easels and paintings, tin-foil sculptures, ornaments, gift wraps, a sewing machine, fabrics and a dressmakers mannequin. The bed is covered in bills and paperwork. She shuffles thru the paperwork and picks up a bill.
Margot finds a place for Robert, Stuart picks up an ornament and starts to play with it. She chases Stuart and wrangles the ornament away. He pees on Robert.
Margot calls the number on the credit card bill and asks the representative to help track her father. Under normal circumstances, that’s not approved of but the rep has an open screen and will keep it logged in to track dad’s activity.
MONTAGE OF SHOTS BETWEEN MARGOT AND REP TRACKING DAD’S WHERE-ABOUTS ACROSS THE STATE
• Dad has been to the East side of the state and got a hot dog at the gas station
• Dad has been at a marina bought a bottle of water and a snack.
• Dad has been at German Village and had a beer and a brat Mid-state.
• Dad has been to a micro brewery on the North side of the state.
Margot pushes the paperwork aside and falls asleep with phone in hand.
She is awakened by a voice (from phone) then notices someone hovering over her. She jumps out of bed only to realize it’s the dressmakers mannequin.
ACT 3
1 – INT – KITCHEN – MORNING
Margot walks in wearing scrubby pajamas, disheveled, mascara under her eyes, holding tablet and a notebook.
Mom is sitting at the table staring at a bowl full of un-peeled hardboiled eggs. Dad loves eggs.
Riley goes to the curb to get the newspaper.
3. EXT – HOUSE – MORNING
Margot checks to see if the coast is clear. The mail truck coming but makes a dash for it anyway. She grabs the paper and looks into the mailbox and fights to pull out the jammed mail.
Kent, the mail carrier pulls up and hands her the daily mail with a smile. Margot, brushes her fingers though her hair, tries to wipe the mascara under her eyes, and clutches her pjs. She explains that she’s just visiting.
She tries to get in the kitchen door but it’s locked and the mail stack of tumbles out of her arms as she tries to get in. Kent smiles and drives away.
4. INT – KITCHEN – MORNING
Mom takes the paper and smacks a fly with it.
Lizbeth dressed to the nines walks in with a half eaten cruller and offers it to mom for breakfast. Mom is so happy to see her and appreciative for the breakfast.
New Plan
Margot is uneasy about leaving mom in Lizbeth’s care, but has to go back to the office for a couple of days to square things away.
5. EXT – YARD – DAY
On her way out, she sees a steam of people coming in and out of the neighboring Poppy Shed. Now legal, Poppy is selling “recreational” candies and teas and paraphernalia.
Distracted, Margot backs out of the drive trying to avoid Poppy’s customer traffic and almost hits the mail truck.
6. INT – OFFICE – DAY
Lewis is sitting behind Margot’s desk and makes a lame excuse as to why he’s there. He leaves. She re-adjusts her chair to the correct hight and moves everything on her desk back into it’s rightful place.
John walks in and tells him she needs a week or so to sort things out with her parents. He says that WFH is fine. Besides, they are downsizing and the new plan will be “hotelling.” He advises Margot to pack her belongings because when she comes back, she won’t have her big office.
They discuss a big-budget production, John reminds Margot that the client is depending on her leadership and expertise. So, don’t drop the ball.
7. INT – OFFICE HALLWAY – DAY
Lewis is eavesdropping with his ear on the wall.
Margot and John walk out of the office into the hall and catch him listening.
ACT 4
1. INT – KITCHEN – DAY
Margot, boxes in hand, struggles with the door lock and enters the kitchen. Eggs are boiling in a pot where the water has boiled off and are starting to pop off towards the ceiling. She removes the pot from the stove and calls for mom.
Mom enters, she was taking a nap and is wondering what all the fuss is about. Margot concerned that the house could have burnt down.
Mom reaches for a her pill case and starts to hand a pill to the dog by mistake.
Lizbeth enters and reaches into a crumpled bag and hands mom a half-eaten sandwich. As mom extremely is appreciative starts to pick at it. She walks to the door and locks it.
Margot looks in fridge and realizes there is no fresh food and leaves for the market.
Mom locks door behind her.
2. INT – GROCERY – DAY
Margot, in the produce section, basket with a few bottles of wine and some produce. She is on the phone with the credit card rep. The vegetable mist goes on, she drops the basket. Kent helps her pick up her produce and hands her the bananas. Margot’s mascara is running and her hair is flat.
She thanks him and mentions she’ll be staying with her parents for a bit. Kent says he’s noticed that things are amiss. Margot says she’ll be looking for some in-home help for her parents.
At register, cashier mentioned that Kent has the hots for Margot
Plan in action – The protagonist takes action on that plan:
3. INT – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Margot begins a series of elder-care interviews.
Enter nanny 1, Margot invites a rolly-polly “nanny” (older than the parents) into the house. Mom locks door behind them.
Enter nanny 2, Raven, 28. Goth. Facial piercings. Tattoos. Long black overcoat. Mom locks door behind them.
A third applicant knocks on the door Riley answers. Sanding there is a huge Hells Angel Type. Riley closes the door. Mom locks door behind them.
Knock on door. Enter 30ish blonde woman. Tight top and jeans. Man in tight jeans and wife-beater shirt is right behind her. Mom locks door behind them.
Miss Pringle. Small, frail woman when sitting in chair her feet don’t touch the floor. Mom locks door behind them.
Margot answers door and it’s Kent delivering mail. She brushes her hair back and it snags her ring.
Montage of door OPENING/CLOSING to reveal candidates:
• A flamboyant cross dresser
• Religious solicitation
• Prankster ringing bell / bag of flaming dog poop on the porch
Enter Girl Scout with an impressive list of accomplishments and resume including baby-sitting endorsements. So far she is the best candidate.
Opens door to let Girl Scout out and Poppy sweeps in with a bundle of freshly picked herb under her arm.
Lizbeth enters the room wondering what’s going on. Margot lets her know that the parents need help. Lizbeth upset because she thinks she’s handling things just perfectly.
Midpoint Turning Point 2
ACT 4
1. INT – KITCHEN – AFTERNOON
Poppy making an herbal salad for mom. Pushes Margot out of the way.
Boz (leery of the salad) is having a coffee.
Lizbeth is creating TikTok videos.
Margot exasperated as to why no-one sees the elephant in the room.
2. INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Margot, while corresponding the credit card representative, falls asleep. Startled awake by the mannequin, she grabs Robert, phone and wine, blanket and pillow and drags herself out of the “craft-room”.
Resolution
3. INT – ATTIC – NIGHT
Margot, with Stuart at her heels, sets Robert on a box.
She brushes off a day-bed and sits on it. As she’s looking through a box of childhood photos and contemplates that this is her life. At least for a little while.
Everything is Relatively Normal.
-
Lesson#2: Structure
What I learned from this lesson is it helps to work “backwards” to see if and how the script flows.
Title: RELATIVELY NORMAL
(3 Act Structure)Genre: Sitcom Dramedy
Concept: A woman at the top of her career puts it on hold to care for her ailing parents.
Main Conflict: Riley goes home to get things in order so that her parents will be taken care of so that she can get back to the job she loves.
Act 1:
Opening: Chaos in an advertising conference room. Much excited and exaggerated gesturing going on. Video running, walls are plastered with posters, ads, comps, and scripts. Riley, the Executive Creative Director, knows the client is looking to go elsewhere so the angst of downsizing is driving the “last-ditch pitch.”
Incident: Riley’s sister flew in unexpectedly and sitting in her office. Between talking about shopping for shoes and about how great Broadway is, she casually drops that their father has been missing for 3 days.
Turning Point: Riley must return to her childhood home and see what’s really going on for herself.
Act 2:
New Plan: Things look askew in the house and Mother is not worried that dad is missing. Seeing her sister isn’t stepping up to take care of their parents, Riley decides to interview elder-care givers.
Plan in action: Riley interviews a series of elder-care givers that obviously don’t fit the criteria. Too young, too old, too whacky for comfort.
Midpoint Turning Point: Riley realizes that she has to be the one to take care of her parents. Parents don’t think they need help, that their “favorite” daughter is really a big help.”
Act 3:
React/Rethink: After realizing that her parents are worse off than she thought, Riley must rely on the help of her copywriter to help keep her in the loop at work. Problem is, he’s angling to get her job.
With her father still missing, the local police officer (who has made himself at home) doesn’t seem on top of it, and the flower-child neighbor herbal remedies she prescribes to her mother, doesn’t give Riley much confidence.
New Plan: Even though the boss highly depends on Riley, especially when ti comes to client relations, she strikes a deal with her boss to give her a chance to take care of her parents. She swears to stay on top of her duties and staff. Once things are squared away, she will get back to New York to the job she loves.
Turning Point: Dad is found and returns home and she really sees his dementia for the first time. Seems like it will be longer than she thinks.
Climax: Over the years, Riley’s childhood bedroom has been overtaken by her mother’s crafts and hobbies. With no room left for her, Riley moves up into the attic. This has become her new “home” office.
-
Hi, Cheryl – so excited to be a part of this course!
I’m struggling a bit to make sure I post in the correct spot – Is Lesson 2 the same as Day Two?
Also, “As in, Bill’s concept and basic structure!” where can we reference this?
Thanks!
birgit
-
This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by birgit keil.
-
This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by
-
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that focus is key.
RELATIVELY NORMAL
LOG LINE
A successful big city marketing executive is forced to return home to take care of her ailing parents and finds out she may not be able to get back to the job she loves.
ONE PAGE
RELATIVELY NORMAL is comical look at what happens when eldercare gets in the way of your dreams.
Relatively Normal is a multigenerational situational comedy that explores the life of a woman (Riley) who, through circumstance, is forced to return home and leave the high-powered job she worked so hard to get. Professionally, Riley is at the top of her game as a creative director in a New York ad agency. But now she must suddenly return home to care for her ailing parents, fix the situation and get back to the job she loves. Fate has placed her squarely confronting life-changing events.
As if this were not enough, she discovers things have changed drastically back home. Riley must now diplomatically deal with the challenges of her aging parents, her self-centered sister, and a controlling, buttinsky next-door neighbor. She is barely holding on to her dream job and her sanity amidst the overwhelming stress of attempting to navigate two very different worlds, allowing us to witness her tumultuous, yet hysterical predicaments.
For a red-hot minute working remotely works, until she realizes that she’s being undermined by an ambitious brown-noser and, because of him, is losing the trust of her employer and clients.
She realizes that she must return to the office but has no choice other than to work out of her parent’s dining room.
ASSIGNMENT 1
Genre: Sitcom Dramedy
Title: RELATIVELY NORMAL
High Concept: A woman at the top of her career puts it on hold to care for her ailing parents
D. Main Conflict: The fight between a daughter and her parents belief that they are well enough to live on their own.
Transformational Journey: She finds that she must change her mindset in order to maintain her sanity.
F. Opposition: Internal struggle of feeling the need to take care of her parents but longs to be back in the corporate world doing what she loves.
Main Conflict: A successful big city marketing executive is forced to return home to take care of her ailing parents and finds out she may not be able to get back to the job she loves.
Opening:
Riley is in a board room in the middle of a chaotic pitch prep session.
Inciting Incident:
Riley’s sister shows up at her office and casually says that their dad has been missing for 3 days.
First turning point at end of Act 1:
Riley returns to her childhood home to get things in order with her parents.Mid-Point:
Looking for in-home elder careSecond turning point at end of Act 2:
Crisis: Co-worker is conniving to take over her jobClimax:
Dad returns home
Resolution:
Riley needs to stay with her parents a while longer-
This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by birgit keil.
-
This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by birgit keil.
-
This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by
-
Hello, I’m Birgit Keil (beer-git kyle)
I’ve written one sitcom pilot script. But have many rough drafts and premises.
An adult animated series premise came thisclose to being optioned but would have been a good idea to have an agent. That’s why I’m now a graduate of the Entertainment Business School. For this course my goal is to get it right the first time then apply all my learnings to the rest of my library.
I’ve have written children’s book manuscripts and am beginning querying literary agents. Once published, the hope is to take those books and create animated series.
My background as a creative director/Art Director on one of the world’s largest advertising accounts brings in another perspective to visualization, creation, and production.
My brand champions vulnerable but tenacious underdogs.
-
This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by birgit keil.
-
This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by
-
I agree to the terms.
birgit keil
-
Agree.