Barbe LaPierre
Forum Replies Created
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Barbe’s Dialogue 7 – 8
What I learned doing this assignment is that dialogue as action is a great way to end a scene. It’s pointing to the action to come.
Dialogue Skill 7. Dialogue As Action
#1 – Excerpt from Scene26 – Direct order to take action
SECURITY CHIEF: Yes sir, we believe we have a chance.
NOREN: Contact your men. (to Ishaan) Ready for this old man?
ISHAAN: Watch me!
#2 – Excerpt from Scene 27 – Direct order to take action
NOREN: (shouts into his communicator) Chief! Where are those reinforcements!
SECURITY CHIEF: (through communicator) Two minutes out, sir.
NOREN: Okay. Let’s move.
They run deeper into the facility.#3 – Excerpt from Scene 28 – Misdirection
More rumbling and rocks sliding. A faint high-pitched sound.
NIKA: What is that sound?
KELLAN: What?
ILYANA: I tried to warn you.
A sudden collapse in the temple's structure. Nika and her colleagues are trapped inside.
Dialogue Skill 8. Subtext
#1. – Excerpt from Scene 37 – Pointer: Remind us of what is under the surface.
NOREN: What is he after?
ISHAAN: Slyth is testing your resources.
NOREN: That means the facilities on Veridian Prime and Artalas might be next.
ISHAAN: We’ll interrogate those infiltrators. They might offer us something. Before you leave, we should gather and make a plan.
NOREN: At least Slyth is just after me.
ISHAAN: No, Noren, I advise you to seriously consider that the cave-in was deliberate.
#2. – Excerpt from Scene 46 – Pointer: Insinuate there is something different going on.
NOREN: Can you use a ride somewhere?
A’LYX: I’m headed to Cryos.
Noren tips his head to one side in surprise.
NOREN: Cryos? That barren, impoverished planet. Can’t be much of interest there.
A’LYX: You'd be surprised.# 3. – Excerpt from Scene 47 – Cover up: Change the subject
NOREN: Family?
A’LYX: Never had one.
NOREN: Where do you hail from.
A’Lyx changes the subject.
A’LYX: What’s the range.
Noren has a growing apprehension about A’Lyx.
NOREN: Of Destiny?
A’LYX: Nice ship.-
This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by Barbe LaPierre.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by
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Barbe’s Dialogue 4 – 6
What I learned doing this assignment is line by line the script improves.
Setup / Payoff
There are a number of setup/payoff instances in the script, but they are pages apart. I’ll provide just the set-up lines and payoff lines.
Setup:
A’LYX: I saw you arrive on the Explorer.
KELLAN: Brand new.
A’LYX: Is that the one with the NMG attitude control with the ADC stabilizer?
KELLAN: Best there is.
Payoff:
As Dr. Asher navigates to a lower orbit the controls do not respond.
ILYANA: We’re spiraling.
KELLAN: The controls are frozen.
ILYANA: Eject?
KELLAN: Too late.
The shuttle starts to veer out of control. The shuttle crashes.
Anticipatory Dialogue
In this example the change really heightened the mystery of what comes next.
Before:
NOREN: I'd like to pay you back. Is there anything I can do.
A'LYX: I could use a ride to Cryos.
NOREN: Cryos?
A'LYX: I have business there.
After:
NOREN: I'd like to pay you back. Is there anything I can do.
A'LYX: I'm always on the move.
NOREN: Can you use a ride somewhere?
A'LYX: I'm headed to Cryos.
NOREN: Cryos? That barren, impoverished planet. Can't be much of interest there.
A'LYX: You'd be surprised.
Ironic Dialogue
These examples provided an opportunity for not only irony but for subtext. A’Lyx is a very dangerous guy.
Before:
A’LYX: Hello Dr. Darrow.
After:
A’LYX: Hello Dr. Darrow. It’s a pleasure. A’Lyx shoots Dr. Darrow a deadly look. (He will go on to kill her by the end of the episode.)
Before:
Suddenly Jez hisses. Nika looks up. A'Lyx stands next to her.
NIKA: Jez! Manners.
Nika picks up Jez.
NIKA: Sorry. Bad girl, Jez. Excuse me.
Nika retreats with Jez.
After:
Suddenly Jez hisses. Nika looks up. A'Lyx stands next to her.
NIKA: Jez! Manners.
Nika picks up Jez.
A'Lyx pets Jez suggestively around the neck.
A'LYX: I’m sure we’ll get to be good friends.
Nika eyes A’Lyx and pulls Jez closer.
NIKA: We’ve all had a long day. Excuse me.
Nika retreats with Jez. -
Barbe’s Dialogue 1 – 2
What I learned doing this assignment is scrutinizing every line of dialogue is difficult but necessary. Attack/Counterattack is useful in so many ways – sometimes it’s just a discussion or a debate – but it can be used by the screenwriter to artfully address the questions that the audience might have. So, one character is presenting the case from the point of view of the audience.
1. Attack/Counterattack dialogue.
Before:
The scene in question did not exist before this assignment. I realized it would be a great way to introduce the lead characters and highlight their love and affection for each other. The bantering belies the trouble to come.
After:
EXT. SPACE
Two small spaceships (Odyssey Flyer – 1 & 2) on a test run race each other through space.
NOREN: It’s too spicy.
NIKA: Nonsense, it’s perfect. It’s their traditional dish.
NOREN: Well, Gam can come up with a milder version. For the uninitiated.
NIKA: Such a baby.
NOREN: Watch the stabilizer.
NIKA: Pushing it is the only way to know.
NOREN: Fine, just don’t break it.
NIKA: Let’s see.
Pilots try to outdo each other in aerial acrobatics.
NOREN: What was the name of that restaurant on Valkyia?
NIKA: Baraga da Magor. Loosely translated. Freedom!
One ship speeds past the other into open space.
A third voice chimes in.
GAMMA: Shall I alert the medical facility on Lumor to expect two crash victims?
2. Character dialogue: Noren Amsala
For the most part, this lead character’s dialogue was true to the profile. I did find one exchange in which the strength of the scene was given to the other character. I rewrote it so that Noren Amsala has the proactive lines. -
Barbe Completed P/S Grid #2
What I learned doing this assignment is that honesty is the best approach. Using the grid helped me look at the draft with open eyes and discover a couple of potential weak spots.
What I concentrated on:
#6. Characters Need More Depth
One character in particular was not written clearly. She has secrets and a hidden agenda and a wound but as originally written everything was out of focus. Taking another look and improving the subtext and the dialogue sharpened her message.
#12. Cliché Scenes, Actions, or Dialogue
Still focusing on my character Dr. Ilyana Darrow, I improved her message by improving her dialogue. Going forward I will apply the same scrutiny to all the other characters. -
Barbe Completed P/S Grid #1
What I learned doing this assignment is that the Grid helped me home in on a problem that I would not have otherwise admitted to myself.
#7. Conclusion: Mystery or Impossible Goal/Mission weak
There is a lot going on in the pilot script. There’s action, intrigue, mystery and even some humor but in the end the mission pulling us on to the next episode got a bit — muddled. Sharpening the ending clarified and elevated the stakes.#14. Not enough subtext
In a first draft I am always guilty of letting the characters tell each other the story. Reviewing every line helped me at least identify where that is happening. Going forward I know exactly what needs to be fixed. -
Barbe Has Finished Acts 4 + 5.
What I learned doing this assignment is that the High-Speed Writing Rules work! Because I had fallen behind, I set daily goals, I stuck to the outline, and I completed the first draft.
On to the grids! -
Barbe’s Finished Act 1 First Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is the HSW continues to inspire focus, skill, and a license to speed. -
Barbe’s Teaser / High Speed Writing
What I learned doing this assignment is the High-Speed Writing technique is very helpful. Although my Teaser is only a couple of pages, the HSW kept me from obsessing over making it something it wasn’t meant to be — yet. I believe I followed all of the Rules.
On to Act 1! -
Barbe’s Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is that even though I didn’t want to edit out all the info I had already entered in the beat sheet, it proved worthwhile. I found some opportunities to tighten up the story.
DESTINY
Concept: Noren Amsala, a wealthy inter-planetary industrialist and his wife, Nika Krilan, an archaeologist, travel the Sector in their space yacht, Destiny. As an inter-planetary syndicate gains strength in the system, the couple learns of the husband’s previously unknown, now 20-year-old son. They follow clues to the son’s whereabouts while battling the threats to their empire.
Inciting Incident: Noren Amsala’s mining facility on the planet Lumor is nearly destroyed in an unprovoked attack by an unknown faction.
A Story: Turns out, Noren Amsala has a price on his head and all the thugs in the sector are gunning for him.
B Story: Nika Krilan, archaeologist, and two of her colleagues are trapped in a mysterious cave-in while exploring a hidden chamber in the ruins of Lumor.
C Story: A mysterious stranger saves Nika and is invited to travel on The Destiny.
Episode 1: “Galactic Nexus”
TEASER
EXT. MINING FACILITY – DAY
Infiltrators attack Noren’s mining facility on Lumor.
INT. SPACESHIP
Above the planet, a figure in shadow watches the attack on a viewscreen.
ACT 1
EXT. SPACE
Two small spaceships (Odyssey Flyer – 1 & 2) race each other through space.
NOREN AMSALA in Odyssey Flyer 1 (red markings)
NIKA KRILAN in Odyssey Flyer 2 (blue markings)
I/E. DESTINY – BRIDGE
GAM at controls. Monitors performance of the Flyers. He comments on the recklessness of the pilots. JEZ jumps on console.
EXT. SPACE
The two pilots continue to race and banter.
One speeds off in front of the other.
I/E. DESTINY – HANGAR BAY
The two Flyers land. Two pilots emerge. Noren and his wife Nika. Tease each other on performance.
INT. TURBOLIFT – DAY
Nika and Noren discuss the importance of Nika’s consulting on the dig on Lumor.
EXT. SPACE
The space yacht Destiny is in orbit above the planet Lumor.
INT. DESTINY – BRIDGE
Noren and Nika enter. Gam at controls. On screen, ELYSIA VALERIA, old friend of Noren’s. Jez purrs.
Discuss landing on Lumor. Noren’s meetings. Nika to join two Lumorian archaeologists, Dr. Kellan Asher and Dr. Ilyana Darrow, to study the ruins of the old city.
Nika knows Kellan, doesn’t know Dr. Darrow.
Inciting incident: As they are talking, Elysia receives word and must break it to Noren that Noren’s mining facility on Lumor has been attacked shattering the couple’s plans for a peaceful visit.
I/E. DESTINY – HANGAR BAY
The Odyssey Flyer 1 exits into space.
ACT 2
EXT. PLANET LUMOR – DAY
The Odyssey Flyer 2 flies past Lumor’s futuristic skyline, showcasing the planet’s advanced technology juxtaposed with vibrant marketplaces teeming with alien species.
A man in the marketplace crowd looks up as the ship flies overhead.
EXT. PLANET LUMOR – SPACEPORT – DAY
Nika disembarks from Odyssey Flyer 2 onto the bustling streets of Lumor. She is greeted by archaeologists, DR. KELLAN ASHER and DR. ILYANA DARROW.
Nika, Kellan and Iyana head toward the ruins.
EXT. ODYSSEY FLYER 1 – DAY
Noren, accompanied by Elysia and a two crew members head to the mining facility on the remote plains of Lumor. A discussion hints at the emergence of the Syndicate and Vosskara Slyth.
INT. ODYSSEY FLYER – DAY
Flyer malfunctions. They go down in an emergency landing.
EXT. OLD CITY – DAY
Nika, Kellan, and Ilyana watch an intriguing holographic display of Lumor’s ancient past. Nika notices something in the presentation – a hidden door.
EXT. OLD CITY – ALLEY – DAY
Nika’s curiosity leads her to a hidden alley where she discovers a concealed entrance to an ancient temple.
EXT. TEMPLE – DAY
Nika grapples with the decision to enter the temple, knowing it could cause division between her new colleagues. Argument between Kellan and Ilyana. Nika tries to moderate.
Nika uses a communicator to try to reach Noren before entering the temple.
EXT. PLANET LUMOR – DAY
The Flyer is in the ditch. Crew outside inspecting.
INT. ODYSSEY FLYER – DAY
While they are outside the comms chatter – no one to hear.
I/E. OLD CITY – TEMPLE – DAY
Nika gathers her courage and steps into the dark, mysterious temple, plunging herself into a new world of ancient wonders and potential dangers. Kellan and Ilyana follow.
EXT. ODYSSEY FLYER – DAY
Noren discovers the ship has been sabotaged. One of the crew looks nervous. Noren confronts him. He runs.
Saboteur gets beamed away – by whom?
Noren, Elysia, and other crew member in disbelief. They fix the ship. Go back inside.
INT. TEMPLE – DAY
Nika discovers cryptic inscriptions that hint at a lost civilization. Nika records the walls and the artifacts.
The site in unstable. Rumbling noises. Rocks sliding.
The team continues to investigate.
EXT. MINING FACILITY
Noren avoids the saboteur’s assassination attempt and arrives at the mining facility to assist in the apprehension of the perpetrators.
INT. TEMPLE – DAY
With resolve, Nika pushes forward, determined to unlock the secrets hidden within the temple.
A sudden collapse in the temple’s structure, trapping her and her colleagues inside.
ACT 3
EXT. MINING FACILITY
Noren arrives in the Flyer. Some of his “troops” have arrived. More are arriving on ships. They plan their counterattack.
INT. TEMPLE
Dust settling. Ilyria is hurt. The situation is dire, Nika uses her telepathic bond with Jez to guide the team to her location.
INT. DESTINY
Jez bothers Gamma – to distraction. Gam contacts the authorities on Lumor.
EXT. MINING FACILITY
Fight with perpetrators.
EXT. TEMPLE – DAY
A crowd gathers. Lumorian locals aid in the rescue effort. Among them is the mysterious stranger from the marketplace.
EXT. MINING FACILITY
Fight with perpetrators continues. Noren and troops vanquish the perpetrators.
Noren and Elyria receive word of the cave-in.
INT. ODYSSEY FLYER
Noren asks Elyria to marshal forces.
INT. TEMPLE
Ilyria confesses to causing the cave-in – for Slyth using a sonic device. Nika finds the artifact.
EXT. TEMPLE – DAY
Noren arrives.
The rescue team devises a risky plan to breach the temple’s collapsed entrance.
A’lyx uses remote viewing to find a hidden passage.
INT. PASSAGE
Noren and A’Lyx run through the passage. They come to a dead end.
A’Lyx uses remote viewing to find a hidden doorway.
With remote viewing he locates Nika.
Scene sequence of the rescue from either side of the wall.
INT. TEMPLE
Noren and A’Lyx enter the hidden chamber. Nika et al are saved.
A’Lyx notices that the artifact is gone. He shoots Ilyana deadly look.
ACT 4
INT. DESTINY – LOUNGE
A gathering (approx. 20) aboard Destiny to thank everyone involved in the rescue.
INT. DESTINY – GALLEY
In an adjoining room Dr. Darrow, arm in a sling, has a conversation Noren and Elysia. They reassure her that they will protect her and her family. They will get her safely off-planet so she can rejoin her family.
INT. DESTINY – LOUNGE
Dr. Darrow joins the gathering and has a conversation with A’Lyx, after which he leaves the gathering.
Elysia Valeria attends and has a serious conversation with Noren about the rising threat of Vosskara Slyth. Noren is eager to thank A’Lyx, the mysterious stranger, for helping to save Nika. Noren wants to pay him back for his efforts.
Turning Point: As payment, A’Lyx asks for a ride – to Cryos. Noren is taken aback since Cryos is not only way out of their way, but it is also Noren’s home planet where he was once betrayed and wrongfully imprisoned. Nevertheless, he grants A’Lyx’s request.
Dr. Darrow learns that her father has been injured because of her failure to follow through on her assignment. She needs to leave immediately.
ACT 5
INT. DESTINY – CORRIDOR
Noren shows A’Lyx the way to the guest quarters and takes the opportunity to show off The Destiny.
INT. DESTINY – NOREN AND NIKA’S QUARTERS
Nika reviews the footage of the chamber in the ruins before the cave-in and the artifact that she stole.
INT. DESTINY
A’Lyx and Gamma have a congenial conversation.
EXT. LUMOR – NIGHT
On the return flight to Lumor, the shuttle carrying Ilyana crashes.
INT. DESTINY – A’LYX’S QUARTERS
Alone in his quarters A’Lyx tosses a small piece of equipment on the table – the navigation stabilizer from Iyana’s shuttle. He opens a communication device and sends a two-word message – “I’m in.”
INT. SPACESHIP
A figure in shadow receives A’Lyx’s message. A bony finger taps off the communicator.
The figure is seen from behind.
The entire bridge comes into view.
EXT. SPACE
The architecture of a large space station comes into view.
The station hangs in space.
More and more background stars come into view.
A starfield.
A black rift in space.
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Barbe’s Setting Up the Future
What I learned doing this assignment is that reviewing Layers– both mine and especially Chat’s – led to at least 3 great insights that added much deeper meaning to the story.
DESTINY Set-ups
Teaser
Who is behind the attack at Noren’s mining facility?
Act 1
Who is Dr. Darrow and why has she suddenly turned up on Lumor?
Act 2
How does the saboteur escape? Who helps him?
Act 3
How and where did A’Lyx get his powers?
How, where, when and why will Nika use her telepathic powers again?
What ancient sect is connected to the prophecy?
Act 4
Why is Vosskara Slyth targeting Noren?
How will the bad feelings between A”lyx and Jez play out.
Act 5
What is on Cryos that has Noren so concerned? What is he hiding?
How does A’Lyx know about Cryos?
Who is behind the scenes that A’Lyx is communicating with?
Will Nika answer for her crime of stealing the artifact?
Who killed Dr. Darrow – and why?
Who or what is Vosskara Slyth really after?
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Barbe’s Adding Empathy/Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is there is always room for improvement. Just answer the question: What’s the worst that can happen? Then add that.
Act 2Make it more physically threatening! Elyria is nearly killed protecting Noren’s mining facility.
Act 3
Betrayal: Dr. Darrow is secretly working for Vosskara Slyth and was tasked with killing Nika by causing the cave-in with a sonic device.
Emotional Dilemma: Dr. Darrow has been compromised. Slyth gives her an ultimatum: kill Nika or else your family will be killed.
Exposed: At first defiant, Dr. Darrow admits to working for Slyth. She is upset. She didn’t have the nerve to go through with killing Nika. She begs forgiveness.
Raise the stakes. If the rescue team makes a mistake the temple will collapse with Nika inside.
Act 4
Make it more painful. Dr. Darrow learns that her father has been injured because of her failure to follow through on her assignment. She needs to leave immediately.
Act 5
Hurt those they love: Nika is forced to confess. Theft of the artifact, at least temporarily, ruins Nika’s reputation and relationship with Dr. Asher.
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Barbe’s Open Loops and Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is the story is coming together. Chat liked everything I offered. Its recommendation was for more, More, MORE! But that is because we can’t give it the level of necessary detail with just an outline.
Main Mystery: Who ordered the attack on Noren’s mining facility and why?
Sub-Mysteries:
Act 1 – Who is Dr. Ilyana Darrow? No one seems to know where she came from.
Act 2 – Who sabotaged Noren’s ship? And why? / Who caused the cave-in? And why?
Act 3 – Who is the mysterious stranger that helps to save Nika and her colleagues?
Act 4 – Why did Ilyana’s shuttle crash?
Act 5 – Why does the artifact lead to Cryos?
Main Open Loop: What will be revealed on Cryos that will reveal Noren’s past and affect the fate of the galaxy?
Sub-Open Loops:
Act 1 – Who is Vosskara Slyth?
Act 2 – Pieces of the star map are missing. Where will they find them? And how?
Act 3 – The mysterious stranger was able to use his powers to find the hidden chamber where the team was trapped. Where do those powers come from?
Act 4 – Why does A’Lyx ask for passage to Cryos?
Act 5 – Which side will A’Lyx choose?
CHAT:
Mystery 1:
A. Shocking Event: Attack on Noren’s mining facility on Lumor.
B. Secret: Who ordered the attack and why.
C. Investigation: Noren’s investigation into the attack, along with the audience learning about the involvement of Ilyana Darrow and Vosskara Slyth.
Improve:
A: The shocking event is clear and sets the stage for the series but consider adding more specific details about the attack to increase its impact.
B: The secret is intriguing, but it could be enhanced by providing more clues or red herrings throughout the series to keep the audience guessing.
C: The investigation aspect is well-established but consider incorporating more twists and turns to keep the audience engaged.
Mystery 2:
A. Cover-up: Events on Cryos related to Noren’s past.
B. Secret: The revelation on Cryos that will affect the fate of the galaxy.
C. Reveals: Various reveals related to Noren’s past and the broader implications for the galaxy.
Improve:
A: The cover-up on Cryos is intriguing but consider foreshadowing it more subtly throughout the series to build anticipation.
B: The secret regarding Cryos and its impact on the galaxy is a compelling plot point. To improve it, consider adding more layers to the revelation or incorporating unexpected twists to keep the audience hooked.
C: The reveals related to Noren’s past, and the galaxy’s fate are crucial for the series’ progression. To enhance this aspect, ensure that the reveals are paced effectively throughout the season, creating suspense and intrigue.
Incorporating these improvements can help strengthen the overall mystery elements of your TV series and keep the audience engaged throughout the season.
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Barbe Stacks Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that this is a good way to build the intrigue. Asking Chat to digest everything is less than successful. The more we develop our stories the more difficult it is to feed Chat all of the details and nuances. It just stirs with a stick and sends back what it’s been fed.
I don’t think this is an effective use of Chat.
Turning Points:
• Act 1 Noren mining facility is attacked.
• Act 2 Nika is caught in a cave-in in the temple.
• Act 3 A’Lyx uses his power of remote viewing to save Nika and the other archaeologists.
• Act 4 A’Lyx stuns Noren when he asks for passage to Cryos.
• Act 5 A’Lyx sends a secret message to Vosskara Slyth that he has infiltrated Noren’s ship.
Intrigue Techniques:
Act 1
• Intriguing World: The Kayleum Sector of the Scaltaria Galaxy serves as a nexus of trade,
exploration, and diplomatic intrigue where advanced civilizations thrive.
• Mystery: A shadowy organization called The Syndicate is threatening the peace in the sector.
• Secret Identity: The leader of The Syndicate is rumored to be someone called Vosskara Slyth.
• Hidden Agenda: The Syndicate is an organization that operates on the fringes of legality, engaging in clandestine activities such as smuggling rare cosmic artifacts and trafficking in forbidden technologies. What is Slyth really after?
• Act 1 Turning Point: Noren learns that his mining facility is under attack. Most likely by The Syndicate. He jumps in the Odyssey Flyer and races to the site.
Act 2
• Intriguing World: Ancient ruins, symbology and an artifact that holds clues to a prophecy.
• Deception: Dr. Ilyana Darrow is against Nika’s participation. Why? What is she hiding?
• Strange Behavior: A spirited but illogical argument about entering the chamber. Ilyana insults Nika and disparages her participation.
• Act 2 Turning Point: Nika and the other archaeologists are caught in a cave-in in the temple.
Act 3
• Hidden Agenda: A’lyx was in the marketplace. He observed the Odyssey Flyer 2 arrive. Now, he shows up at the cave-in. What, or who, is he after?
• Strange Behavior: A’Lyx mysteriously appears at the cave-in just in time to find a hidden passage — using powers he himself does not understand.
• Hidden Agenda: Ilyana confesses to Nika that she caused the cave-in – under orders from Slyth.
• Act 3 Turning Point: A’Lyx uses his power of remote viewing a second time to locate Nika and the other archaeologists within the temple. He notices that the artifact has been removed from the wall and Nika is still alive. Someone did not fulfill their assignment,
Act 4
• Deception: A’Lyx feigns gratitude when Noren offers passage on the Destiny to “anywhere in the sector.”
• Strange Behavior: After a conversation with Ilyana, Alex leaves the gathering.
• Act 4 Turning Point: A’Lyx stuns Noren when he asks for passage to Cryos, Noren’s home planet. After the gathering, on the return flight to Lumor, the shuttle carrying Ilyana crashes.
Act 5
• Secret: In their quarters, Nika reviews the footage of the chamber in the ruins before the cave-in — and the artifact that she stole. When Noren enters she reveals to him that the inscription on the cave wall and the artifact point to – Cryos.
• Hidden Agenda: Why, exactly, is A’Lyx on the ship?
• Strange Behavior: Alone in his quarters A’Lyx tosses a small piece of equipment on the table – the navigation stabilizer from Iyana’s shuttle.
• Act 5 Turning Point: A’Lyx sends a secret message to Vosskara Slyth that he has infiltrated Noren’s ship.
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What I learned doing this assignment is that identifying reveals is a great way to reverse engineer the set-up. I continue to mine down into the story and find opportunities for intrigue.
DESTINY
Teaser
Surface: Mining facility attacked
· Layer: Attack is orchestrated by someone else
· How the layer is revealed: Aboard a spaceship above the planet, a figure in shadow watches the attack on a viewscreen.
Act 1
Surface: Nika meets with Dr. Asher and Dr. Darrow
· Layer: Ilyana Darrow is hiding something
· How the layer is revealed: A spirited but illogical argument about entering the chamber.
Act 2
Surface: Dr. Kellan and Dr. Darrow disagree on examining the ruins
· Layer: Ilyana Darrow is working for Vosskara Slyth – but is having second thoughts about her assignment. She can’t go through with it.
· How the layer is revealed: Ilyana causes the cave-in that is supposed to kill Nika and give Ilyana the opportunity to steal the artifact.
Act 3
Surface: A’lyx lends a hand helping to save Nika
· Layer: A’Lyx is more than just a passer-by.
· How the layer is revealed: A’lyx uses remote viewing to help save Nika. When A’Lyx and Noren enter the collapsed chamber A’Lyx covertly scans for the artifact and finds where it should be – but it’s gone.
Act 4
Surface: A’Lyx holds, looks at, and then pockets a small, but integral, piece of navigation equipment.
· Layer: Payback for Ilyana betraying her oath to Slyth
· How the layer is revealed: On the trip back to Lumor, Ilyana’s ship crashes.
Act 5
Surface: Noren invites A’Lyx to travel aboard the Destiny
· Layer: A’Lyx works for Slyth
· How the layer is revealed: Once aboard, A’Lyx sends a secret message to Slyth.
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Barbe’s Character Story Lines
What I learned doing this assignment is these multi-part assignments take WAY TOO LONG to do and just add to the confusion. It’s easier to just stick to a clear streamlined process for creating a Pilot and then use AI as necessary. Trying to shoehorn our content into a made-up structure is a timewaster.
Noren Amsala’s Story Line Structure
• Beginning: Noren and Nika banter as they race against each other in the latest prototypes of the ODYSSEY FLYER
• Turning Point: As they are talking, Elysia receives word and must break it to Noren that his mining facility on Lumor has been attacked shattering the couple’s plans for a peaceful visit.
• Midpoint: Noren narrowly avoids an assassination attempt as he arrives at the mining facility to confront the perpetrators.
• Turning Point 2: Gam contacts Noren about the catastrophic cave-in. Noren marshals his forces to fly to Nika’s aid.
• Major Conflict: A gathering aboard Destiny celebrates the successful rescue, but tensions rise as Elysia warns Noren of the looming threat posed by Vosskara Sylth, head of the Interplanetary Syndicate
• Ending: Noren is determined to repay A’Lyx for his aid. A’Lyx requests passage to Cryos,
• Dilemma: Cryos is Noren’s long-abandoned home planet, setting the stage for a tense confrontation.
Nika Krilan’s Story Line Structure
• Beginning: Noren and Nika banter as they race against each other in the latest prototypes of the ODYSSEY FLYER
• Turning Point: As they are talking, Elysia receives word and must break it to Noren that his mining facility on Lumor has been attacked shattering the couple’s plans for a peaceful visit.
• Midpoint: Nika, exploring the ruins with her colleagues, is caught in a cave-in. Lumorian locals aid in the rescue effort. Among them is a mysterious stranger.
• Turning Point 2: The mysterious stranger covertly uses his powers to discover a hidden passage, saving Nika and her colleagues.
• Major Conflict: Although adamant about not tampering with ancient sites, the artifact that Nika finds forces her to betray her own code of ethics. She steals the artifact. Nika believes she has found an ancient star map which reveals a prophecy – in which Noren plays a part.
• Ending: Nika discovers that the fragment has a mysterious inscription that hints at Cryos’s significance – an ancient star map which reveals a prophecy – in which Noren plays a part.
Chat’s version
Noren Amsala:
Beginning: Noren is introduced aboard his sleek spaceship, The Destiny, where he’s enjoying a peaceful moment with his wife, Nika. Their banter reflects a deep bond and mutual respect. Noren is focused on his plans to visit Lumor and consult on the mining operations there.
Midpoint: Noren receives the devastating news that his mining facility on Lumor has been attacked, shattering his plans for a peaceful visit. This revelation throws him into a state of urgency and determination to protect his interests.
Dilemma: Noren faces a difficult choice when A’Lyx requests a ride to Cryos, Noren’s home planet where he was betrayed and imprisoned years ago. Despite his reservations, Noren agrees, putting himself in a vulnerable position that dredges up painful memories.
Ending: Noren’s life has changed as he reluctantly agrees to take A’Lyx to Cryos, a decision that forces him to confront his past and potentially unravel the carefully guarded secret of his wrongful imprisonment.
Improvement: Introduce subtle hints throughout the episode that foreshadow Noren’s hidden past on Cryos, creating a sense of mystery and anticipation around his character arc.
Nika Krilan:
Beginning: Nika is introduced as a strong and independent archaeologist, excited about the prospect of exploring the ruins on Lumor with her colleagues. Her telepathic abilities add a layer of intrigue to her character.
Midpoint: Caught in a cave-in while exploring the ruins, Nika must use her telepathic powers to communicate with her telepathic cat, Jez, aboard The Destiny. This twist adds a sense of danger and urgency to her storyline.
Dilemma: Nika faces a moral dilemma when she discovers an artifact in the ruins that goes against her ethical principles. Despite her reservations, she chooses to steal the artifact, setting off a chain of events with unforeseen consequences.
Ending: Nika’s life has changed as she realizes the implications of the artifact she stole, which leads her to uncover a potential connection to Cryos, Noren’s home planet. This discovery sets the stage for future revelations and conflicts.
Improvement: Explore Nika’s telepathic abilities in more depth, delving into the origins and limitations of her powers to add complexity to her character.
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Barbe’s Pilot Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is that I’m pretty pleased with the structure I have. I don’t really see the need to throw it into Chat. It will just add more fluff that I don’t need. So, I altered the prompt and told Chat to keep everything but to offer any improvements on what I had. Its words were a bit more descriptive; it tweaked a couple of things for the better and it got a couple things wrong. Yet, all in all a good collaboration.
Teaser:
• Essence: An attack on a mining facility.
• Turning Point: A figure in shadow watches the attack on a viewer on a spaceship.
Act 1:
• Essence: In space Noren and Nika banter as they race against each other in the latest prototypes of the ODYSSEY FLYER. Once in the hangar aboard THE DESTINY they head to the bridge where they connect with Elysia Valeria, an old friend, and colleague of Noren’s and their host on the planet Lumor – their next stop. Nika has been invited to tour the ruins of Lumor with Dr. Kellan Asher and Dr. Ilyana Darrow.
• Turning Point: As they are talking, Elysia receives word and must break it to Noren that his mining facility on Lumor has been attacked. Their friendly visit has now turned deadly and dangerous.
Act 2:
• Essence: Noren flies out to his mining facility with Elysia and others. Someone on board sabotages the ship. They make an emergency landing. Nika, exploring the ruins with her colleagues, is caught in a cave-in.
• Turning Point/Midpoint: Lumorians assist in the rescue. Among them is a mysterious stranger.
Act 3:
• Essence: Noren avoids the saboteur’s assassination attempt and arrives at the mining facility to assist in the apprehension of the perpetrators. Trapped in the cave-in, Nika must use her telepathic power to communicate with Jez aboard Destiny. Gam contacts Noren about the catastrophic cave-in. Noren marshals his forces to fly to Nika’s aid.
• Turning Point: The mysterious stranger uses his powers to discover a hidden passage and saves Nika and her colleagues.
Act 4:
• Essence: A gathering aboard Destiny to thank everyone involved in the rescue. Dr. Asher and Dr. Darrow attend, Dr, Darrow’s arm in a sling. Elysia Valeria attends and has a serious conversation with Noren about the rising threat of someone called Vosskara Slyth. Noren is eager to thank A’Lyx, the mysterious stranger, for helping to save Nika. Noren wants to pay him back for his efforts.
• Turning Point: As payment, A’Lyx asks for a ride – to Cryos. Noren is taken aback since Cryos is not only way out of their way, but it is also Noren’s home planet where he was once betrayed and wrongfully imprisoned. Nevertheless, he grants A’Lyx request.
Act 5:
• Essence: A’Lyx joins Destiny – at least until the next stop. Noren shows A’Lyx the way to the guest quarters and takes the opportunity to show off The Destiny. In their quarters, Nika reviews the footage of the chamber in the ruins before the cave-in and the artifact that she was able to save. Something captures her attention. At first Nika doesn’t know what she’s found. She realizes that the fragment could be part of a star map. When Noren enters she reveals to him that the inscription on the cave wall and the artifact point to – Cryos.
• Lock In: In his quarters, A’Lyx opens a communication device. He sends a two-word message – “I’m in.” A figure in shadow on a spaceship receives the communication.
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Barbe’s Amazing Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is that the whole Pilot is the Inciting Incident. It sets up all the questions and all the mysteries. The more layers and open loops the better. Woohoo!
Inciting Incident of Season 1: The discovery and decoding of an ancient artifact sends Noren Amsala and Nika Krilan on a galaxy-spanning quest to solve the mystery of the whereabouts of Noren’s son.
Intriguing Concept: An ancient artifact reveals a star map that leads to the location of an individual with great powers.
Act 1: Nika is invited to explore the ruins of Lumor. The discovery of an ancient artifact triggers an attempt on Nika’s life.
Midpoint: A mysterious stranger rescues Nika from the cave-in.
Lock In: Although adamant about not tampering with ancient sites, the artifact that Nika finds forces her to betray her own code of ethics. Nika believes she has found an ancient star map which reveals a prophecy – in which Noren plays a part.
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Barbe’s Big Picture Components
What I learned doing this assignment including the analysis of the teaser of the example show – is every pass revealed something new. Once you take the time to describe what you are seeing the more depth you find.
SERIES INFO:
• World: The Kayleum Sector of the Scaltaria Galaxy / The Destiny / The Syndicate
• Main mystery: Where is Noren’s son?
• Impossible Goal: To destroy The Syndicate
• Main Conflict: The battle between the interplanetary syndicate’s dark forces and the visionary efforts of Noren and Nika.
• Second Mystery: What does the artifact say? And where does it lead?
• Season 1 Arc: The discovery of an artifact that leads to the location of Noren Amsala’s son with The Syndicate in pursuit and the final confrontation in the Black Rift.
• Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: Noren Amsala comes face-to-face with his hidden past and is compelled to re-examine his ethics and his goals when his world is threatened, and he is forced to kill.PILOT INFO:
• Pilot Conflict: Sabotage, assassination attempt and cave-in perpetrated by the expanding grasp of The Syndicate.
• Characters Introduced: Noren Amsala, Nika Krilan, A’Lyx
• Inciting Incident of Season 1: An ancient artifact reveals a prophecy – in which Noren plays a part. -
Barbe TV Pitch Bible Investigation
What I learned doing this assignment is that for the most part I had been asking these questions from the outset. As a result, I kept finding more depth to my characters and intrigue in the story. Answering the questions made it very helpful when creating the actual pitch bible (with pictures) where space for text was at a premium. Every word had to count, and the concept had to be super intriguing!
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Barbe Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment was that it
helped me prepare for completing the Studio Binder TV Series Bible template:
Character Descriptions of less than 150 words, Episode and Season descriptions
of 1 or 2 sentences. Every line must be intriguing! -
Barbe’s Edited Pitch Bible
What I learned from this assignment is that every word better count! I found the Studio Binder TV Series Bible template. As I filled it in, I realized that much of my original bible text had to be edited significantly to fit in the space provided. That meant that the text had to be super intriguing, evocative – and precise. I used all of the techniques in this lesson – and will continue to use them until I am satisfied that I have done everything to make it the best bible I can create!
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Barbe’s Episode Titles
What I learned doing this assignment is there’s always room for improvement!
I liked all of my episode titles – except one. All the other titles told a story and were quite intriguing. Episode 6 was originally titled STARBOUND HEIR. I liked both of those words – evocative on their own, but together they didn’t make much sense.
I took the title through the process and focused on the “discovery” that was the theme of the episode. I came up with a number of alternatives (COSTLY REVELATIONS / DEADLY REVELATIONS / THE COST OF THE TRUTH, etc.)
I got stuck after a while and turned it over to Chat. From the 10 titles generated I chose ARTIFACTS OF FATE which captures the spirit of the episode very well – tying in both the assembling and deciphering of the artifact and the piecing together of A’Lyx’s true identity and destiny.
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Barbe’s Episode Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment was that given good information to chew on, AI will do a decent job of writing episode descriptions. With some editing it’s a good start. I did however spend a couple of weeks re-crafting the story so I could create that something good to feed to AI.
Episode 1: Galactic Nexus
Noren and Nika’s visit to Lumor takes an unexpected turn when a saboteur targets the Odyssey Flyer. As Nika battles ancient traps in Lumor’s ruins, passerby A’Lyx, drawn to the chaos, secretly uses his power of remote sensing to unveil a hidden passage, aiding the rescue mission. Amidst a celebration of gratitude aboard Destiny, Noren forms an unexpected alliance with A’Lyx, who sends a cryptic message hinting at deeper motives. Nika decodes a mysterious artifact which hints at a star map leading to Cryos.
Episode 2: Labyrinth of Shadows
On Noren’s home planet, Cryos, a revelation unfolds as an old woman reveals the existence of Noren’s son. Nika and A’Lyx, exploring ancient ruins, uncover another piece of the artifact with cryptic inscriptions linked to the star map.
Episode 3: Echoes of Betrayal
Called away from Veridian Prime, Noren, accompanied by A’Lyx, faces a disaster at his mining operation on Lumina. A’Lyx, manipulated by Vosskara Slyth, attempts Noren’s demise. Nika and colleague Aurora unravel more artifact pieces, leading to a shocking revelation about the Cabal’s genetic experiments.
Episode 4: Convergence
On Zathara 6, Noren confronts the Cabal, discovering their son’s modified DNA. Nika and Aurora find another artifact piece, raising questions about unlocking the prophecy’s secrets.
Episode 5: Phantoms
A message from Vosskara Slyth reveals Noren’s son’s location, leading to a confrontation. Secrets unravel as Noren realizes Slyth is actually Rayna Jadell, mother of his son. A’Lyx regrets being Slyth’s pawn and saves Noren from her revenge.
Episode 6: Starbound Heir
On Drehiri, Nika assembles the artifact, revealing a map to the prophesied leader and A’Lyx’s true identity. The star map points to The Black Rift, Slyth’s headquarters. A’Lyx taunts Slyth with the truth. Furious, Slyth destroys the Cabal.
Episode 7: Fractured Allegiances
On Azillon, A’Lyx faces a pivotal decision when Slyth abducts him. Torn between loyalties, he deceives Slyth, setting the stage for a complex power play.
Episode 8: The Black Rift
Noren and Nika embark on a perilous journey in The Black Rift to save A’Lyx. With Destiny cloaked, a battle ensues. The Alliance comes to Noren’s aid. Slyth’s crimes catch up, leading to her arrest.
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Barbe’s Five Seasons
What I learned doing this assignment is that Chat did a decent job of crafting the additional 4 seasons.
Season 1 – Paths Cross
•A. High Concept: Wealthy inter-planetary industrialist and entrepreneur, Noren Amsala, discovers he has a 20-year-old son somewhere in the galaxy. The quest to find him begins.
•B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Nika Krilan, archaeologist and wife of Noren Amsala, uses her considerable skills in ancient civilizations, languages, and symbology to follow clues to find Noren’s son.
•C. Main Conflict: Vosskara Slyth, the head of a galactic syndicate wants to destroy Noren Amsala and take over his empire.
•D. Mystery/Open Loops: A’Lyx, a galactic gypsy, seems to possess the power of remote sensing. Can he use those powers to defeat Vosskara Slyth?
•E. Cliffhanger: A’Lyx defies Slyth and joins with Noren and Nika in a galactic confrontation to destroy the syndicate.
Season 2 – Celestial Conundrum
• A. High Concept: A mysterious signal from a distant star system hints at the existence of an ancient celestial artifact with the power to alter reality. Noren, Nika, and A’Lyx embark on a quest to unravel the secrets behind this cosmic enigma.
• B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: The team must decipher cryptic messages scattered across different planets that lead to the source of the celestial signal. Nika’s telepathic abilities become crucial in understanding the intentions behind the artifact.
• C. Main Conflict: A rival archaeologist, Dr. Selene Vorta, seeks the celestial artifact for her own purposes. As they race against time, they discover the artifact’s potential for both creation and destruction.
• D. Mystery/Open Loops: A’Lyx’s mysterious origins come into focus as the team encounters ancient beings who once harnessed the power of the celestial artifact. Can A’Lyx tap into his hidden potential to protect the artifact from falling into the wrong hands?
• E. Cliffhanger: The team, standing on the precipice of a cosmic anomaly, watches in awe as the celestial artifact activates, revealing a breathtaking secret about the nature of the universe.
Season 3 – Quantum Quandary
• A. High Concept: An ancient quantum anomaly threatens to destabilize the fabric of space-time. Noren, Nika, and A’Lyx must navigate through parallel realities and timelines to prevent a catastrophic collapse.
• B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: The team encounters alternate versions of themselves, each holding a piece of the puzzle to understanding and resolving the quantum anomaly. Nika’s knowledge of ancient civilizations becomes instrumental in deciphering the temporal clues.
• C. Main Conflict: The enigmatic Quantum Seeker, an entity that exists outside conventional reality, seeks to exploit the anomaly’s power for its own transcendental purposes. The team must outwit this elusive foe across multiple dimensions.
• D. Mystery/Open Loops: A’Lyx’s ability to perceive different timelines becomes a double-edged sword as he grapples with the moral implications of altering the course of history. The team discovers that the anomaly is linked to an ancient civilization that mastered time travel.
• E. Cliffhanger: As the team confronts the Quantum Seeker in a temporal showdown, a fracture in reality threatens to trap them in an infinite loop, leaving their fate uncertain.
Season 4 – Galactic Nexus
• A. High Concept: An interstellar phenomenon known as the Galactic Nexus holds the key to the origin of ancient artifacts scattered throughout the galaxy. Noren, Nika, and A’Lyx embark on a journey to unlock the nexus’s secrets.
• B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: The team must travel to the nexus, a convergence point of cosmic energies, where the fabric of reality is thin. Nika’s understanding of symbology becomes essential in deciphering the nexus’s purpose.
• C. Main Conflict: The enigmatic Collector, a being who hoards ancient relics for mysterious purposes, competes with the team to claim the knowledge hidden within the nexus. The race to unlock the secrets intensifies as they delve into the nexus’s ancient guardians.
• D. Mystery/Open Loops: A’Lyx confronts echoes of his past as he encounters artifacts connected to his origin. The team discovers that the nexus is a focal point for the remnants of long-lost civilizations.
• E. Cliffhanger: In the heart of the Galactic Nexus, a cosmic revelation shakes the team to its core, hinting at a connection between Noren’s son and the ancient civilizations they’ve encountered.
Season 5 – Echoes of Eternity
• A. High Concept: An ancient cosmic entity awakens, threatening to reset the universe and erase all existence. Noren, Nika, and A’Lyx must navigate through the echoes of time to stop the impending cataclysm.
• B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: The team unravels the true purpose of the ancient artifacts they’ve encountered, discovering that they are keys to locking or unlocking the cosmic entity’s power. Nika’s telepathic abilities become crucial in communicating with echoes of beings across time.
• C. Main Conflict: The Guardian of Eternity, a cosmic entity assigned to maintain the balance of the universe, opposes the team’s attempts to intervene, believing that the reset is necessary. The team must convince the guardian of an alternative solution.
• D. Mystery/Open Loops: A’Lyx’s true identity and purpose are revealed as he grapples with his connection to the cosmic entity. The team uncovers the origin of the ancient artifacts and their role in maintaining the cosmic balance.
• E. Cliffhanger: As the team confronts the Guardian of Eternity in a cosmic showdown, a revelation about Noren’s son’s role in the cosmic balance adds a layer of complexity to their mission. The fate of the universe hangs in the balance as the season concludes.
5 SEASON SUMMARY
Season 1: Paths Cross Wealthy industrialist Noren Amsala discovers a long-lost son. With archaeologist wife Nika and enigmatic A’Lyx, they face galactic syndicate head Vosskara Slyth. A’Lyx defies Slyth and joins with Noren and Nika in a galactic confrontation to destroy the syndicate.
Season 2: Celestial Conundrum A cosmic signal unveils an ancient celestial artifact. Nika’s telepathy and A’Lyx’s powers aid in the quest, but rival archaeologist Dr. Selene Vorta seeks its power. Activating the artifact, a breathtaking secret about the universe unfolds, leaving the team in awe.
Season 3: Quantum Quandary An ancient quantum anomaly threatens reality. Noren, Nika, and A’Lyx navigate alternate timelines, facing the elusive Quantum Seeker. As they confront the entity, a reality fracture risks trapping them in an infinite loop, leaving their fate uncertain.
Season 4: Galactic Nexus The team seeks answers at the Galactic Nexus, a cosmic convergence. The enigmatic Collector competes for its knowledge. In the heart of the nexus, a cosmic revelation shakes the team, hinting at a connection between Noren’s son and ancient civilizations.
Season 5: Echoes of Eternity Ancient artifacts unlock a cosmic entity, threatening to reset the universe. Noren, Nika, and A’Lyx discover the artifacts’ purpose and face the Guardian of Eternity. A revelation about Noren’s son adds complexity, and the season concludes with the fate of the universe hanging in the balance.
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Barbe’s Character Descriptions
What I learned from this assignment is that Chat neatly reweaves everything that I feed it. It’s all there in 3 or 4 sentences. It’s a little long and I’ll probably edit it but it’s a great start.
NOREN AMSALA
Edited Version:
A wealthy inter-planetary industrialist who was raised poor on a remote planet must protect his empire from a growing galactic syndicate. When he learns he has a 20-year-old son, the race begins to find him before the syndicate does.ChatGPT
Meet Noren Amsala, a 24th-century Elon Musk, a debonair and principled inter-planetary industrialist aboard the space yacht Destiny. Raised in poverty on a remote planet, Noren’s past includes wrongful imprisonment and a triumphant rise. His intriguing history takes a suspenseful turn when he discovers a 21-year-old son, unknown to him until now, and must confront the inter-planetary syndicate boss, Vosskara Slyth, who poses a threat to his empire and family. As Noren’s strong moral compass clashes with the criminal ambitions of Slyth, the paradoxical link between their shared impoverished roots becomes a driving force, adding layers of mystery and unpredictability to Noren’s character. His unyielding commitment to protect his wife, son, and empire at any cost will unravel unexpected depths, creating a riveting conflict that will keep audiences on the edge of their seats in this sci-fi one-hour drama.NIKA KRILAN
Edited Version:
An archaeologist with telepathic powers follows clues to the whereabouts of her husband’s son even if it means breaking with her husband to do it.ChatGPT:
In the vast expanse of a sci-fi galaxy, Nika Krilan, a telepathic and independent archaeologist, adds layers of mystery to the narrative as she navigates ancient ruins and battles against the rising threat of the inter-planetary syndicate. Married to the wealthy industrialist Noren Amsala, her expertise in deciphering ancient languages becomes a crucial tool in the face of enigmatic messages left by civilizations scattered across the cosmos. However, her decision to pretend to break with Noren for the sake of Noren’s son introduces a captivating paradox, as appearances clash with the sacrifice she makes for the greater good, leaving readers eagerly anticipating the unfolding complexities of her character.A’LYX
Edited Version:
A galactic gypsy who lives by his wits and charm, finds himself championed by wealthy interplanetary industrialist, Noren Amsala, and recruited by ruthless syndicate boss, Vosskara Slyth.ChatGPT:
Meet A’Lyx, the galactic gypsy in this thrilling one-hour sci-fi series. With an adventurous and independent spirit, A’Lyx, orphaned at a young age, struggles with a haunting sense of abandonment. The mystery deepens as he unexpectedly saves Nika in a cave-in, prompting questions about his true identity and parentage, while his unpredictable loyalties spark conflicts between the inter-planetary syndicate’s dark forces and the empire-building efforts of Noren and Nika. As A’Lyx grapples with opposing agendas and a complex relationship with Vosskara Slyth, the enigmatic character becomes the linchpin of intrigue, driving the narrative’s twists and turns.VOSSKARA SLYTH
Edited Version:
The leader of an expanding galactic syndicate schemes to take over the empire of Noren Amsala just to settle an old grudge.ChatGPT
Meet Vosskara Slyth, the enigmatic and ruthless leader of the galactic syndicate, born in poverty on the same remote planet as his nemesis, Noren Amsala. Slyth’s intriguing history unfolds as he betrayed his boyhood friend to escape punishment, leaving behind a lingering sense of guilt beneath his strategic exterior. The mystery of why he harbors such intense hatred for Noren adds layers to his character, as he becomes the driving force behind the conflict, determined to destroy Noren’s empire. The irony lies in Slyth’s inner conflict, where his ruthless ambition masks a past betrayal, and his unpredictable nature keeps everyone guessing, especially as he exploits the intriguing relationship with A’Lyx to infiltrate Noren’s empire. -
Barbe’s Intriguing Concept and World
What I learned doing this assignment is that this approach is a great way to ID the most intriguing aspects of the story.
1. Concept:
• A. Engaging and highly proactive hero…Noren Amsala, a 24th Century Elon Musk with an interplanetary empire…
• B. …up against a major conflict…fighting an emerging syndicate, led by his boyhood “friend” Vosskara Slyth…
• C. …goes on unique transformational journey…learns that he has a grown son – somewhere – out there…
• D. …Into an intriguing world… begins the quest to find his son and defend his empire…
2. World:
• Unique Sub-World: The growing inter-planetary syndicate.
• Previously unexplored: In order to find his son, Noren must follow clues left in ancient artifacts and ruins deciphered by archaeologist wife, Nika.
• The unknown: “Hidden within the labyrinthine asteroid belt known as the Black Rift, a secret enclave serves as the clandestine headquarters for the growing inter-planetary syndicate.
• The unseen: Competing loyalties – Which side is A’Lyx on?
• Unheard of Dangers: Agents of the syndicate hiding in plain sight.
• Reason to explore it: Noren and Nika must enter the world of the Black Rift to protect their world, his empire and to find and save his son.
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Barbe has completed the BW Framework!
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s neat seeing it all laid out and accessible at once. That’s also a great way to compare and contrast with the AI suggestions. Looking forward to the magic of Module 2!
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Barbe’s Creating Irony!
What I learned doing this assignment is irony is fun once you get the hang of it!
ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show
STAR TREK: DISCOVERY (Season 4)
Character Irony
· Burnham is highly disciplined, highly principled, having grown up on Vulcan she, like Spock, is torn between emotion and logic. Her human side makes her sympathetic, but her Vulcan training makes her confrontational.
· Burnham and Book are in love. He wants to destroy the DMA because it killed his family and destroyed his planet, Kwejian. When he takes off with Tarka to destroy the DMA, Burnham realizes she might have to kill him.
· Species 10-C is thought to be hostile. They turn out to be highly intelligent and peaceful.
ASSIGNMENT 2:
My Show: DESTINY
Character Irony
· Noren is one of the good guys, but he is capable of “bad” when the cause is just.
· Nika faces the ethical quandary of deceiving Noren to ensure A’Lyx’s safety.
· A’Lyx searches for his father only to find him – and he is the enemy.
· Vosskara Slyth and Noren were raised together. They were once best friends, now they are mortal enemies. One a business icon, the other a criminal.
· In order to keep A’Lyx and Nika safe – Noren must put himself in danger.
Situational Irony
· Noren, powerful in business, struggles when it comes to finding his son.
· Nika nearly dies in a cave-in thought to be accidental – later revealed to be intentional.
· A’Lyx is assisted by Noren and Nika after leaving Lumor – he betrays them by sabotaging Destiny.
· Vosskara wants to take over Noren’s empire, but he may destroy it in the process.
· Nika accuses Noren of cowardice for not pursuing A’Lyx – but, in truth Noren is courageous in allowing Nika’s plan to unfold.
· Nika must use the most technologically advanced tools to decipher the most ancient inscriptions.
Chat GPT
Certainly! Given the rich and complex characters and plot in your sci-fi TV series, here are some forms of irony that could add depth and intrigue to the story:
- Situational
Irony: - The
Forgotten Connection: Noren, a wealthy industrialist, is unaware of
his own son’s existence. This lack of knowledge is in stark contrast to
his vast empire, showcasing the irony of him being powerful in business
but oblivious to a crucial aspect of his personal life. - Shared
Origins: Both Noren and Vosskara Slyth grew up poor on a remote
planet, yet their paths diverged dramatically. The irony lies in their
common roots, with one rising to prosperity and the other descending into
a life of crime. - Dramatic
Irony: - A’Lyx’s
True Identity: The audience knows about the relationship between
Noren and A’Lyx, but neither father nor son is aware of it. This creates
tension and anticipation as viewers witness the characters navigating
situations with incomplete information. - Nika’s
Sacrifice: The audience is aware of Nika’s telepathic abilities and
her plan to pretend to break with Noren to protect A’Lyx. As events
unfold, viewers will be on the edge of their seats, waiting for the
inevitable revelation to the characters and the emotional fallout that
will follow. - Verbal
Irony: - Double-Edged
Alliances: Characters may make promises or alliances with an ironic
twist. For example, Vosskara Slyth might propose an alliance with Noren
for mutual benefit, while secretly plotting to betray him. The words
spoken carry a different meaning than the intended actions. - Hidden
Motives: Characters, especially Vosskara Slyth, may engage in
conversations where their words convey one message, but the audience
knows there’s an ulterior motive behind their actions. This creates
suspense and keeps the viewers guessing about the true intentions of the
characters. - Irony
in Relationships: - Nika
and Aurora’s Departure: Nika’s decision to pretend to break with
Noren, leaving the Destiny with her symbologist friend, creates a dynamic
where appearances don’t match reality. The irony lies in the sacrifice
Nika makes for the greater good, even though it appears she is abandoning
her husband. - Father-Son
Dynamic: A’Lyx, motivated by a sense of abandonment, unknowingly
seeks approval from his own father’s adversary, Vosskara Slyth. The irony
is in A’Lyx’s quest for belonging leading him toward a figure who seeks
to destroy the very family he belongs to. - Irony
in Actions: - Vosskara’s
Mask: Vosskara Slyth’s ruthless exterior conceals a lingering guilt
and inner conflict. The irony lies in his ambition to destroy Noren, whom
he betrayed in the past. His actions to mask his guilt result in him
becoming the very thing he despises. - Noren’s
Pursuit of Wealth: Noren, driven by the desire to protect his empire,
unwittingly puts his own son at risk. The irony lies in his pursuit of
wealth and power, which, despite good intentions, has unintended
consequences for his family.
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<ul type=”disc”>
- Situational
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Barbe’s Plot and Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is that for the first time, what AI had to offer was way off base. I get the feeling it’s as confused as I am. I feel like I’m trying to analyze a story without there being – a story. I need two weeks to re-outline and then try again.
ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show
Example Show: Star Trek: Discovery (Season 4)
PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
· Major scheme revealed: To attack the DMA controller and steal the power source.
· Mystery revealed: How to communicate with the 10-C – through hydrocarbon combinations and light patterns!
· Thought the story was one thing, but it is another: It is discovered that the DMA is not a naturally occurring object. It was created by someone -for a purpose.
· Major shift in Meaning: Species 10-C is thought to be hostile. They turn out to be highly intelligent and peaceful.
· Hidden history: The 10-C once experienced a horrible attack. From that point on they were isolationists. This is uncovered once their method of communication is deciphered.
· Hidden plan: Tarka, Book, and Ndoye conspire to escape the orb by igniting the plasma from Discovery’s nacelles and burning a hole in the orb.
· Major betrayal: Tarka turns on Book when Book refuses to destroy the DMA.
CHARACTER layers – identity beneath the identity.
· Secret identity: Ruon Tarka is an escaped prisoner of Ossyra
· Character intrigue: Ndoye betrays the diplomats when shse acts unilaterally and secretly to help Tarka. She redeems herself by offering to pilot the ship that will ram and destoy Book’s ship.
· Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Ndoye decides to collude with Tarka and Book. She is a military officer and feels that Starfleet’s “first contact” approach is too slow.
· Hidden Character history: Ruon has an ulterior motive for tracking the DMA. He needs the power source at its center to acquire enough energy to jump to an alternate universe.
My Show: DESTINY
PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
· Major scheme revealed: A’Lyx is working for Vosskara Slyth.
· Mystery revealed: A’Lyx is Noren son.
· Thought the story was one thing, but it is another: Nika and Noren learn of the existence of Noren’s son – but soon they are tangled up with Vosskara Slyth’s plot to take over Noren’s empire.
· Major shift in Meaning: When Noren and Nika are invited to the planet Lumor they believe it is to consult with tech leaders and explore ancient ruins. It turns into an attempt on Nika’s life.
· Hidden history: Noren and Vosskara Slyth were both born poor on a remote planet. This secret holds clues to Noren’s long-lost son and to his bitterness toward Vosskara Slyth
· Hidden plan: Nika will pretend to break with Noren – in order to track down A’Lyx beyond Slyth’s reach.
· Major betrayal: A’Lyx betrays Noren – and Slyth.
CHARACTER LAYERS – Identity beneath the identity.
· Secret identity: A’Lyx is Noren’s son.
· Character intrigue: In their youth, Vosskara Slyth betrayed Noren. Noren was sent to jail. the betrayal of Noren weighs heavily on Slyth’s conscience. His escape from their shared crime left a lingering sense of guilt, which he masks with a veneer of ruthless ambition.
· Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Vosskara Slyth is using A’Lyx to infiltrate Noren’s empire.
· Hidden Character history: Noren and Vosskara Slyth grew up poor on the same remote planet.
Possible sequence of reveals.
Plot Surface: A wealthy inter-planetary industrialist and his wife, an archaeologist, travel the galaxy in their space yacht, Destiny. As an inter-planetary syndicate gains strength in the system, the couple learns of the husband’s previously unknown, now 21-year-old son. They follow clues to the son’s whereabouts while battling the threats to their empire.
· Layer 1: Major shift in Meaning: When Noren and Nika are invited to the planet Lumor they believe it is to consult with tech leaders and explore ancient ruins. It turns into an attempt on Nika’s life.
· Layer 2: Thought the story was one thing, but it is another: Nika and Noren learn of the existence of Noren’s son – but soon they are tangled up with Vosskara Slyth’s plot to take over Noren’s empire.
· Layer 3: Hidden history: Noren and Vosskara Slyth were both born poor on a remote planet. This secret holds clues to Noren’s long-lost son and to his bitterness toward Vosskara Slyth
· Layer 4: Hidden plan: Nika will pretend to break with Noren – in order to track down A’Lyx beyond Slyth’s reach.
· Layer 5: Mystery revealed: A’Lyx is Noren son.
· Layer 6: Major scheme revealed: A’Lyx is working for Vosskara Slyth.
· Layer 7: Major betrayal: A’Lyx betrays Noren – and Slyth.
Character Surface:
· Layer 1: Hidden Character history: Noren and Vosskara Slyth grew up poor on the same remote planet.
· Layer 2: Character intrigue: In their youth, Vosskara Slyth betrayed Noren. Noren was sent to jail. The betrayal of Noren weighs heavily on Slyth’s conscience. His escape from their shared crime left a lingering sense of guilt, which he masks with a veneer of ruthless ambition.
· Layer 3: Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Vosskara Slyth is using A’Lyx to infiltrate Noren’s empire.
· Layer 4: Secret identity: A’Lyx is Noren’s son.
ASSIGNMENT 3: ChatGPT
PLOT LAYERS: Story beneath the story.
Major Scheme Revealed:
· Surface Layer: Noren and Nika believe the interplanetary syndicate is after their business empire.
· New Layer: The syndicate is a mere pawn in a grander scheme orchestrated by a powerful alien race seeking to control the galaxy.
Mystery Revealed:
· Surface Layer: A’Lyx’s origin is unknown, and he is searching for clues about his heritage.
· New Layer: A’Lyx is the key to an ancient prophecy that foretells the rise of a savior or destroyer, and different factions vie to control him.
Thought the Story Was One Thing, But It Is Another:
· Surface Layer: Noren’s son is seemingly a victim of circumstance, caught in the crossfire of a power struggle.
· New Layer: The son, A’Lyx, is a pawn in a galactic chess game, his existence tied to ancient cosmic forces that could reshape the universe.
Major Shift in Meaning:
· Surface Layer: Noren’s son is seen as a potential heir to the family empire.
· New Layer: A’Lyx represents a potential bridge between different species and worlds, a catalyst for galactic unity or destruction.
Hidden History:
· Surface Layer: Vosskara Sylth and Noren share a troubled past of crime and poverty.
· New Layer: The crime they committed in their youth is part of a larger conspiracy that ties them to the very origins of the interplanetary syndicate.
Hidden Plan:
· Surface Layer: Vosskara’s plan is to destroy Noren’s family and empire.
· New Layer: Vosskara is being manipulated by a shadowy figure within the syndicate who seeks to control the ancient cosmic forces A’Lyx represents.
CHARACTER LAYERS: Identity beneath the identity.
Secret Identity:
· Surface Layer: A’Lyx is a seemingly ordinary young man.
· New Layer: A’Lyx possesses latent telepathic abilities inherited from Nika, and his true identity is entwined with the ancient prophecy.
Intrigue Layers:
· Surface Layer: Nika’s mysterious past involves lost colleagues on an archaeological expedition.
· New Layer: The lost colleagues were investigating artifacts connected to the same ancient cosmic forces linked to A’Lyx.
Hidden Relationships and Conspiracies:
· Surface Layer: A’Lyx is unaware of his true parentage.
· New Layer: A’Lyx’s biological mother, thought to be dead, is alive and part of a secret society protecting the cosmic forces.
Hidden Character History:
· Surface Layer: Noren’s wound is the death of his son’s mother in a mysterious incident.
· New Layer: The incident was orchestrated by the shadowy figure manipulating Vosskara, part of a plan to keep A’Lyx’s true potential hidden.
Hidden Agenda:
· Surface Layer: Vosskara’s motivation is revenge for past betrayals.
· New Layer: Vosskara’s ultimate goal is to harness the cosmic forces A’Lyx embodies to transcend his impoverished past and become a cosmic ruler.
Wound:
· Surface Layer: Vosskara is haunted by the betrayal of Noren and their shared impoverished past.
· New Layer: Vosskara’s ruthless ambition stems from a deep-seated fear of returning to poverty, and his actions are driven by a desperate need for power and control.
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Barbe’s Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned doing this assignment is the Open Loops are very helpful in mining down into the profound emotional aspects of the story. Chat provided a number of interesting Loops to consider.
ASSIGNMENT 1
Example Show: Star Trek Discovery (Season 4)
Big Picture Open Loops
• Will Burnham prove to be a good leader?
• Who or what is behind the destruction in the galaxy?
• How will the problem be solved? By conflict? Or by connection?
• Will Burnham’s relationship with Book survive this ordeal given that they are on opposite sides of the solution?
________________________________________
ASSIGNMENT 2:
Big Picture Open Loops
Destiny – Season 1
GOALS:
• New goals? Will Noren and Nika find A’Lyx? Will they be able to stop Vosskara Slyth?
• Goals related to the big picture? Will Vosskara Slyth take over Noren’s empire?
• Crushed goals? Will A’Lyx abandon Nika and Noren?
• Competition / conflict around goals? Will Nika and Noren split over the quest to find A’Lyx.
CONSEQUENCES:
• Are they going to be caught? Will A’Lyx’s true identity be revealed? Will Vosskara Slyth be stopped?
• Problems created from past actions? Will Noren’s past come between him and Nika?
• Good plans gone wrong? When Nika leaves Destiny to track down A’Lyx will she become a victim of Vosskara Slyth?
SOLVING PROBLEMS:
• What is the major problem for this character? A’Lyx grew up as an orphan.
• What are they trying to solve? Aly’x knows that his mother died under mysterious circumstances. He resists searching for his father.
• Major change imposed on character? A’Lyx joins Nika and Noren on Destiny. Neither he nor Noren are aware of their link.
• Previous solutions cause new problems? A’Lyx has always been on his own. Will forming a bond with Nika and Noren compromise his independence and objectivity.
RELATIONSHIPS:
• Relationships in peril? Will Nika and Noren’s relationship survive after Nika leaves to track down A’Lyx her own way?
• New relationships forming? Will A’Lyx become part of the team?
• Conflict inside relationships? Whose side is A’Lyx on?
• Relationships changing? Will A’Lyx grow close to Nika and Noren and then abandon them when ordered to do so by Vosskara Slyth.
DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:
• Can they survive X? Will Nika, Noren and A’Lyx defeat Vosskara Slyth?
• Putting themselves in danger / making dangerous decisions? Nika will team up with Aurora Kael and based on an “enigmatic message” they will take off and go look for A’Lyx.
• Who else is pulled into their danger? Aurora is a former colleague of Elena’s, now an expert in ancient languages and symbology. She becomes a vital resource in deciphering the enigmatic messages left by the ancient cultures Elena studies.
• Internal dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)? Nika is telepathic. A’Lyx exhibits powers.
Big Picture Open Loops
Destiny – Pilot / Galactic Nexus
• Why did the archaeologist cause the cave-in that nearly killed Nika? Was he trying to kill her?
• Who is Vosskara Slyth?
• Who is A’Lyx? And whose side is he on?
________________________________________
Assignment 3: ChatCPT
ChatGPT
Season 1 Open Loops for “Destiny’s Veil”
GOALS:
1. New Goals:
• Nika discovers an encrypted message in an ancient artifact pointing to a hidden power that could be pivotal in defeating Vosskara Slyth. The couple sets out on a dangerous mission to uncover the truth behind this power.
2. Goals related to the big picture:
• A’Lyx starts questioning his allegiance as he learns more about his father’s empire and Slyth’s ruthless plans. His internal struggle becomes a focal point as both Noren and Slyth try to sway him to their side.
3. Crushed goals:
• Noren’s attempt to negotiate a peace agreement with a key ally goes awry, resulting in the ally aligning with Slyth. This not only puts Noren’s business at risk but also jeopardizes their quest to find A’Lyx.
4. Competition/conflict around goals:
• A rival entrepreneur enters the scene, seeking to exploit the power struggle between Noren and Slyth. This competitor becomes an unexpected adversary, manipulating events to hinder Noren’s progress.
CONSEQUENCES:
1. Are they going to be caught?
• A’Lyx’s identity teeters on the brink of exposure when a mysterious bounty hunter starts closing in, hired by a shadowy figure with ties to Slyth’s syndicate.
2. Problems created from past actions:
• Nika’s telepathic abilities inadvertently draw the attention of an ancient, dormant threat that resurfaces, posing a new danger to the galaxy. The couple must confront this unforeseen consequence while dealing with Slyth’s machinations.
3. Good plans gone wrong:
• A well-devised scheme to infiltrate Slyth’s inner circle goes south when a trusted ally betrays Noren and Nika, leading to unexpected consequences that ripple through their personal and professional lives.
SOLVING PROBLEMS:
1. What is the major problem for this character?
• A’Lyx, torn between loyalty to his father and a desire for independence, grapples with a critical decision that could either save or doom Noren’s empire. The resolution of this internal conflict will have far-reaching consequences.
2. What are they trying to solve?
• Nika and Aurora uncover an ancient prophecy hinting at a celestial event that could shift the balance of power in the galaxy. Racing against time, they must decipher the prophecy’s true meaning and prevent Slyth from exploiting it for his gain.
3. Major change imposed on character:
• Noren’s right-hand person, an AI assistant integral to the success of his business, becomes compromised. The couple must adapt to this unexpected setback while navigating a web of corporate espionage.
4. Previous solutions cause new problems:
• Nika’s decision to break ties with Noren to protect A’Lyx inadvertently sets off a chain reaction, leading to a series of events that make it increasingly difficult for them to reunite without endangering everyone involved.
RELATIONSHIPS:
1. Relationships in peril:
• Noren’s long-lost sibling resurfaces, harboring resentment for being excluded from the family business. This revelation strains Noren’s relationship with both the sibling and A’Lyx.
2. New relationships forming:
• A’Lyx develops a tentative alliance with a charismatic, yet mysterious, individual who claims to have information crucial to their mission. The true motives of this new ally remain unclear.
3. Conflict inside relationships:
• Nika’s telepathic abilities strain her relationship with Aurora as the intensity of their shared experiences threatens to overwhelm their friendship. Trust issues emerge as Nika struggles to balance her personal and professional obligations.
4. Relationships changing:
• A mutual past acquaintance of Nika and Slyth resurfaces, creating tension as allegiances are tested. This person holds information that could either aid or hinder Noren and Nika’s quest.
DANGER/SURVIVAL/RISKS:
1. Can they survive X?
• The Destiny becomes stranded in a treacherous region of space, and the couple must navigate an ancient cosmic phenomenon to escape. Meanwhile, Slyth seizes this opportunity to launch a full-scale assault.
2. Putting themselves in danger/making dangerous decisions:
• Noren, in a desperate move, agrees to a risky alliance with a morally ambiguous group, placing not only his life but the fate of the entire galaxy in jeopardy.
3. Who else is pulled into their danger?
• A’Lyx’s childhood friend, unaware of his true identity, becomes entangled in the conflict, leading to a heartbreaking revelation that tests their friendship.
4. Internal dangers:
• Nika’s telepathic abilities start to manifest uncontrollably, tapping into a dangerous source of energy that threatens her sanity. As she struggles to contain this newfound power, it becomes a potential weapon against Slyth, but at a cost.
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Barbe’s Show Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is that by concentrating on these types of questions my concept is getting darker and darker. By asking Chat to generate 10 random mysteries everything is getting muddled – and I’m getting overwhelmed. They are cool mysteries, but they don’t really fit the concept anymore. Because we are not giving Chat enough information, it can’t build on the concept correctly.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Example Show: Star Trek: Discovery (Season 4)
Big Picture Mysteries
• Who are “Unknown Species 10-C”?
• Where are they?
• How do we communicate with them?
• Who is Ruon Tarka — really?
• Why does Tarka want to destroy the DMA?
Smaller Mysteries
• What destroyed the planet Kwejian and the space station?
• What is the Dark Matter Anomaly (DMA)
• Where did it come from?
• Who created it?
• Why did they create it / What is it used for?
________________________________________
ASSIGNMENT 2:
My Show: Destiny
1. Shocking Event Mystery
• A. Shocking Event: Nika, along with two colleagues, is trapped in the ancient ruins.
• B. Secret: One of the colleagues is secretly an acolyte of Vosskara Slyth.
• C. Investigation:
• WHO: Who is Vosskara Slyth? Who is the acolyte? Who is the team member that saves Nika?
• WHAT: Was he trying to kill Nika?
• WHEN: Why did the ruins collapse just after Nika entered the secret chamber?
• HOW: Will they get out of the ruins? How does the team member save Nika?
• WHY? Why did the ruins collapse? Accident or on purpose?
• Part Withheld:
• WHERE: Where is Vosskara Slyth?
2. Over Time Mystery
• A. Cover up: Who is Noren Amsala – really?
• B. Secret: What is his connection to Vosskara Slyth?
• C. Reveals:
• WHO: Who were they before they meet again now?
• WHAT: What happened to make them enemies?
• WHEN: What in their past has caused the rift?
• WHERE: Where did the dispute start?
• Part Withheld:
• WHO: Who will win?
• WHY? Why does Slyth hate Noren?
• HOW? How will they face off against each other?
________________________________________
ASSIGNMENT 3: ChatGPT
1. The Lost Heirloom:
• Mystery: Noren and Nika stumble upon a mysterious artifact on a distant planet that holds a clue to A’Lyx’s whereabouts. The artifact is also linked to a forgotten prophecy that foretells the rise of a powerful figure – possibly A’Lyx.
2. The Cryptic Coordinates:
• Mystery: A’Lyx unknowingly possesses a device with cryptic coordinates leading to a hidden location. Nika and Aurora decipher the coordinates, leading them to a forgotten space station where A’Lyx’s past and destiny intersect with a powerful ancient technology.
3. The Telepathic Connection:
• Mystery: Nika’s telepathic abilities become a key asset in the search for A’Lyx. However, an unknown telepathic force is manipulating A’Lyx’s thoughts, making him a pawn in a larger, sinister plan.
4. The Betrayal of Trust:
• Mystery: A’Lyx discovers Noren’s true identity, leading to a crisis of trust. As A’Lyx grapples with conflicting loyalties, Vosskara Slyth exploits the situation, attempting to turn A’Lyx against his own family.
5. The Galactic Convergence:
• Mystery: A series of astronomical anomalies across the galaxy align with ancient prophecies. Nika’s archaeological expertise becomes crucial in understanding the celestial events, revealing a hidden connection to A’Lyx’s destiny and the impending threat from Vosskara Slyth.
6. The Enigmatic Cult:
• Mystery: A secretive cult worshipping an ancient civilization kidnaps A’Lyx. Noren, Nika, and Aurora must infiltrate the cult to rescue him, discovering a dark secret about the cult’s connection to Vosskara Slyth’s rise to power.
7. The Genetic Cipher:
• Mystery: A’Lyx possesses a unique genetic code that holds the key to unlocking a powerful weapon. Noren and Nika race against time to decipher the genetic cipher before Vosskara Slyth uses it to tip the balance of power in the sector.
8. The Shadowy Saboteur:
• Mystery: The Destiny faces a series of mysterious malfunctions. A’Lyx, unknowingly harboring a saboteur’s presence within him, becomes the focal point of an internal conspiracy that threatens the safety of the entire crew.
9. The Echoes of Betrayal:
• Mystery: Nika’s archaeological research leads her to a long-lost communication device that replays conversations from Noren and Vosskara’s impoverished past, unveiling shocking secrets and hidden alliances that could alter the balance of power in the sector.
10. The Phantom Nebula:
• Mystery: A’Lyx’s quest for identity takes him to a nebula shrouded in mystery. Within its depths lies a hidden truth about his origins and a revelation that could change the course of the battle against Vosskara Slyth.
Mystery 1: Opening Shocking Event
A. Shocking Event:
• While exploring the ruins of Lumor, Nika, and her archaeologist companions, uncover an ancient artifact with intricate inscriptions. As Nika steps into a secret chamber to investigate further, the ground trembles, and a sudden cave-in seals the entrance.
B. Secret:
• The artifact emits a telepathic signal upon discovery, activating an ancient defense mechanism embedded in Lumor’s ruins. This mechanism is designed to protect a long-lost secret that could potentially shift the balance of power in the sector.
C. Investigation:
• Nika, trapped inside the chamber, begins to experience vivid telepathic visions that lead her to a series of encoded messages. These messages reveal a connection between the artifact, A’Lyx Amsala’s true heritage, and the impending threat orchestrated by Vosskara Slyth. The investigation becomes a race against time to decipher the messages, escape the chamber, and unveil the ancient secret.
Mystery 2: Over-Time Mystery
A. Cover up:
• Years ago, on a remote planet, a covert experiment took place involving the genetic manipulation of embryos. A’Lyx Amsala is the result of this experiment, and his true parentage is concealed to protect him from those who seek to exploit his unique abilities.
B. Secret:
• The experiment was orchestrated by a secret faction within the Interplanetary Syndicate, led by Vosskara Slyth. A’Lyx possesses a genetic code that, when activated, could unlock a dormant power capable of reshaping the galaxy. Noren, unaware of the experiment, has been unknowingly safeguarding A’Lyx from those who would use him as a weapon.
C. Reveals:
• Over the course of the series, Nika, Noren, and A’Lyx gradually uncover the truth behind A’Lyx’s origin. They decode ancient prophecies that foretell the rise of a figure with the power to either save or doom the galaxy. As the Syndicate tightens its grip, A’Lyx’s struggle with his identity intensifies, and the revelation becomes a key turning point in the battle against Vosskara Slyth.
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Barbe’s Show Empathy/Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is that this was the first assignment in which I feel I did a bit better than Chat. The Chat responses seemed to be a remixed version of what I gave it. Chat does great with lists of 10 things, but it seems to have real difficulty with analyzing complex emotions. (As do I….)
Assignment 1: Example Show
STAR TREK: DISCOVERY (Season 4)
Distress:
- A. Undeserved misfortune: Book
lost his family and his planet, Kwejian- B. External Character conflicts: Burnham locks horns with Pres. Rillak.
- C. Plot intruding on life: How do
we communicate with Unknown Species 10-C- D. Moral dilemmas: Book and Burnham. They love each other but are on
different sides. They have different approaches to the problem. She wants
to communicate and negotiate. He wants to destroy Unknown Species 10-C.- E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Burnham might be forced to destroy Book’s ship and Book along with
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Empathy:- A. Put the character in distress: Unknown Species 10-C is
destroying the galaxy, and nobody knows how to stop it.- B. Make
them relatable: ALL of the characters in this season are shown with family
connections, loving relationships and even – a cat named Grudge.- C.
Universal experiences that are emotional: The crew of the Discovery
spontaneously shares their fondest memories of Earth – just before
learning that the next target of the 10-C is – Earth.Assignment 2: My Show
DESTINY
NOREN AMSALA
Distress:
- A.
Undeserved misfortune: Raised poor on a remote planet, he was betrayed by his then friend
Vosskara Slyth. Noren was unjustly imprisoned.- B.
External Character conflicts: Vosskara Slyth wants to take over Noren’s business empire.- C. Plot
intruding on life: Noren
and Nika’s life is turned upside down when they learn that Noren has a
grown son but do not know where to find him.- D. Moral
dilemmas: Noren
may be forced to choose to go against his ethics when he learns that his
son, A’Lyx, has chosen to work with Vosskara Slyth- E.
Forced decisions they’d never make: Killing Vosskara Slyth
Empathy:- A. Put
the character in distress: Noren is worried about the safety of both his wife, Nika and his
son, A’Lyx.- B. Make
them relatable: Noren
is a genuinely nice guy who adores his wife, Nika.- C.
Universal experiences that are emotional: Noren had an impoverished
childhood and worked hard to create his business empire.NIKA KRILAN
Distress:
- A.
Undeserved misfortune: On a previous expedition Nika lost a close group of fellow
archaeologists. Their loss haunts her, serving as a constant reminder of
the dangers of her profession.- B.
External Character conflicts: Nika will do whatever it takes to protect Noren and A’Lyx.- C. Plot
intruding on life: Noren
and Nika’s life is turned upside down when they learn that Noren has a
grown son but do not know where to find him.- D. Moral
dilemmas: Nika is telepathic. In order
to save Noren’s son, Nika will pretend to break with Noren. Nika and her
symbologist friend, Aurora Kael, will leave the Destiny to pursue leads to
A’Lyx.- E.
Forced decisions they’d never make: Breaking with her husband, Noren.
Empathy:- A. Put
the character in distress: Along with Noren, she is a target of Vosskara Slyth.- B. Make
them relatable: She has
a telepathic link with her cat, Jez.- C.
Universal experiences that are emotional: Protecting her family.A’LYX AMSALA
Distress:- A.
Undeserved misfortune: The absence of his father during his formative years, leading to a
sense of abandonment.- B.
External Character conflicts: Potentially, will be resentful toward Noren when their relationship
is revealed.- C. Plot
intruding on life: Does
A’Lyx ally himself with Slyth for a purpose? Or does Slyth find him in a
compromising situation and spin a web to catch him?- D. Moral
dilemmas: Which
side to choose? His father, Noren or his leader, Vosskara Slyth.- E. Forced
decisions they’d never make: Which one to kill? Father? Or leader?
Empathy:- A. Put
the character in distress: Orphaned at an early age now pursued as a tool for Vosskara Slyth
to use.B. Make them relatable: self-reliant, intelligent, adventurous, and curious, yet struggles with identity and belonging.
C. Universal experiences that are emotional: The absence of his father during his formative years, leading to a sense of abandonment and a desire to forge his own path.
VOSSKARA SLYTH
Distress:
- A.
Undeserved misfortune: Raised poor on a remote planet.- B.
External Character conflicts: Once friends, now enemies with Noren Amsala- C. Plot
intruding on life: Operating
his syndicate until Noren enters the sector.- D. Moral
dilemmas: None.
He is calculating, ruthless, and cunning.- E.
Forced decisions they’d never make: In truth, he would do anything to establish the dominance of the
syndicate.
Empathy:- A. Put
the character in distress: He will be pursued by both Noren and A’Lyx.· B. Make them relatable: The memory of his impoverished past haunts him.
· C. Universal experiences that are emotional: His betrayal of Noren weighs heavily on his conscience. His escape from their shared crime left a lingering sense of guilt, which he masks with a veneer of ruthless ambition.
Assignment 3: ChatGPT
Genre = Sci-fi
Concept = A wealthy inter-planetary industrialist and his wife, an archaeologist, travel the galaxy in their space yacht, Destiny. As an inter-planetary syndicate gains strength in the system, the couple learns of the husband’s previously unknown, now 21-year-old son. They follow clues to the son’s whereabouts while battling the threats to their empire.
Conflict = Vosskara Slyth wants to take over Noren Amsala’s business empire.
Lead Characters
Noren Amsala
- Role: Interplanetary
Entrepreneur and Industrialist who is in direct competition with syndicate
boss, Vosskara Slyth. Husband of Nika.- Goal: To protect his
empire against Vosskara Slyth and to find his son, A’Lyx, while navigating
the complexities of interstellar politics and threats.- Intrigue: Until now, Noren
has been unaware that he has a grown son. If Vosskara Slyth discovers
this, A’Lyx’s life will be in jeopardy. Noren and Vosskara grew up poor on
a remote planet.Nika Krilan
- Role:
Archaeologist who studies ancient civilizations and artifacts across
different worlds. Wife of Noren.- Goal: Uncover the
secrets of ancient civilizations and artifacts across different worlds
while reuniting Noren with his son, A’Lyx.- Intrigue: Nika is
telepathic. In order to save Noren’s son, Nika will pretend to break with
Noren. Nika and her symbologist friend, Aurora Kael, will leave the
Destiny to pursue leads to A’Lyx.A’Lyx Amsala
- Role: Noren’s
21-year-old son (Although neither Noren or A’Lyx is aware of this
relationship.)- Motivation: Discover
his true heritage and prove his worth in the face of the galactic threat,
Vosskara Slyth. With which side will A’Lyx align?- Intrigue: The absence of
his father during his formative years, leading to a sense of abandonment
and a desire to forge his own path.- Role: Head of an
Interplanetary Syndicate, Ruthless Adversary of Noren Amsala- Goal: To control the
sector and destroy Noren Amsala’s family and business empire, driven by a
deep-seated envy and desire for revenge stemming from their shared
impoverished upbringing.- Intrigue: The memory
of their impoverished past haunts him, and his betrayal of Noren weighs
heavily on his conscience. His escape from their shared crime left a
lingering sense of guilt, which he masks with a veneer of ruthless
ambition.
Chat’s Answer
Certainly! Here are ways to create distress and empathy for each of your lead characters:Noren Amsala:
Distress:
A. Undeserved misfortune: Noren discovers that his long-lost son, A’Lyx, is in immediate danger, putting him in a position of extreme distress.
B. External character conflicts: Noren faces increasing pressure from Vosskara Slyth’s syndicate, leading to threats against his empire and personal safety.
C. Plot intruding on life: Noren’s search for A’Lyx disrupts his established life, forcing him to confront painful secrets and uncertainties.
D. Moral dilemmas: Noren grapples with the ethical implications of his actions, torn between protecting his empire and risking everything to save his son.
E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Noren is forced to make alliances with unexpected allies, compromising his principles for the sake of A’Lyx’s safety.
Empathy:
A. Put them in distress: Show Noren’s vulnerability and fear for A’Lyx’s safety, emphasizing his genuine love and concern for his son.
B. Make them relatable: Highlight Noren’s struggle to balance his responsibilities as an industrialist with his desire to be a father, showcasing his human flaws and complexities.
C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Illustrate Noren’s longing for family and connection, tapping into the universal theme of parental love and the desire for reconciliation.
Nika Krilan:
Distress:
A. Undeserved misfortune: Nika faces the emotional turmoil of pretending to break with Noren to protect A’Lyx, sacrificing her own happiness for the greater good.
B. External character conflicts: Nika encounters dangerous challenges in her pursuit of ancient artifacts, putting her in physically perilous situations.
C. Plot intruding on life: Nika’s dedication to her archaeological pursuits strains her relationship with Noren, causing internal conflict and emotional distress.
D. Moral dilemmas: Nika grapples with the ethical implications of deceiving Noren, questioning the sacrifices she’s willing to make for the ones she loves.
E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Nika is forced to choose between her loyalty to Noren and her duty to protect A’Lyx, leading to internal turmoil.
Empathy:
A. Put them in distress: Show Nika’s internal struggle and heartbreak as she navigates the difficult decisions, she must make for the safety of A’Lyx.
B. Make them relatable: Highlight Nika’s unwavering dedication to her work and her profound sense of duty, showcasing her strength and vulnerability.
C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Explore Nika’s deep desire for love, connection, and a sense of belonging, evoking empathy from the audience.
A’Lyx Amsala:
Distress:
A. Undeserved misfortune: A’Lyx grapples with the revelation of his true heritage and the immediate danger he faces from Vosskara Slyth, despite being unaware of his relationship with Noren.
B. External character conflicts: A’Lyx finds himself caught between the power struggle of Noren and Vosskara Slyth, putting him in the crossfire of their conflict.
C. Plot intruding on life: A’Lyx’s quest for identity and belonging is disrupted by the sudden upheaval caused by the discovery of his father and the threat from Vosskara Slyth.
D. Moral dilemmas: A’Lyx must decide where his loyalties lie and whether he will align with Noren, who is his biological father, or Vosskara Slyth, who represents a path of power and revenge.
E. Forced decisions they’d never make: A’Lyx is confronted with choices that challenge his sense of self and force him to confront his feelings of abandonment and desire for validation.
Empathy:
A. Put them in distress: Show A’Lyx’s internal turmoil and vulnerability as he navigates the complex emotions tied to his newfound family and the threat posed by Vosskara Slyth.
B. Make them relatable: Highlight A’Lyx’s struggle for identity and acceptance, emphasizing his desire to prove himself in the face of adversity and uncertainty.
C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Explore A’Lyx’s longing for belonging and his journey to define his own path, tapping into the universal themes of self-discovery and the search for purpose.
Vosskara Slyth:
Distress:
A. Undeserved misfortune: Vosskara grapples with the weight of his ruthless ambition, haunted by the memory of their impoverished past and his betrayal of Noren.
B. External character conflicts: Vosskara faces mounting pressure from within his syndicate and external threats, leading to internal conflict and a sense of impending doom.
C. Plot intruding on life: Vosskara’s pursuit of power and revenge consumes him, leaving little room for personal fulfillment or genuine connections.
D. Moral dilemmas: Vosskara is forced to confront the consequences of his choices, questioning whether the pursuit of power is worth the sacrifices he’s made.
E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Vosskara is pushed to extreme measures in his quest for dominance, straining his own sense of morality and ethics.
Empathy:
A. Put them in distress: Show Vosskara’s internal struggle and moments of vulnerability, revealing the conflicted emotions behind his ruthless exterior.
B. Make them relatable: Highlight Vosskara’s deep-seated envy and desire for revenge, stemming from his shared impoverished upbringing with Noren, showcasing the complexity of his motivations.
C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Explore Vosskara’s inner conflict and the universal theme of grappling with one’s past and the choices that define them.
- A. Undeserved misfortune: Book
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Barbe’s Show Relationship Map
What I learned from doing this assignment is that my Connecting Characters are more interesting than my Main Characters (never a good thing.)
Assignment #1
STAR TREK: DISCOVERY (Season 4)Protagonist: MICHAEL BURNHAM / Antagonist: RUON TARKA
- Surface:
Capt. Of Discovery / Specialist - Common
Ground: They both want to find the DMA. - Conflict:
They want to find the DMA for different reasons. She wants it as an opportunity for first contact with the species that created it. He wants to destroy it and steal the power source at its center. - History:
No shared history. She is all
Starfleet. He was a prisoner of the Emerald Chain. - Subtext:
She doesn’t trust him. / He knows she has a hold on Book and threatens his
mission. - Relationship
arc: Burnham accepts Tarka’s presence, even though he overrules the
research into the DMA, over her crew specialist, Commander Stamets. Once
Tarka and Book take off in pursuit of the DMA, Burnham sets out to
apprehend them, knowing it might end in their deaths.
Protagonist: MICHAEL BURNHAM / Love interest: CLEVELAND “BOOK” BOOKER
- Surface:
Capt. of the Discovery / Courier and Empath - Common
Ground: They both want to find the DMA. - Conflict:
They want to find the DMA for different reasons. She wants it as an
opportunity for first contact with the species that created it. He wants
to destroy it because it killed his family and destroyed his planet,
Kwejian. He wants to destroy it
before it hurts anybody else. - History:
Before Burnham rejoined Starfleet, she and Book worked together as
couriers. Their relationship developed into a romance. - Subtext:
She worries about his obsessive tendencies. / He knows someday he will be
forced to choose between her and his freedom. - Relationship
arc: They started out as antagonists (he got her arrested.) They worked as
couriers together, then became romantically involved. When she rejoined
Starfleet and was given command of the Discovery, he joined her and parked
his ship in the shuttle bay. He also possesses the gene that makes it
possible for him to operate the Spore Drive. When he takes off with Tarka
to destroy the DMA, Burnham realizes she might have to kill him.
Protagonist: MICHAEL BURNHAM / Ally: LAIRA RILLAK
- Surface:
Capt. Of Discovery / Pres. of the Federation - Common
Ground: They both want to find the species that created the DMA. They both
want to attempt first contact. - Conflict:
Rillak believes that Burnham - History:
Burnham starts out suspicious of Rillak. Burnham always chooses the crew
over protocol. Rillak thinks Burnham is incapable of making the tough
decision when it means choosing the many – over the one. Rillak, as
President, overrules Burnham, and joins a mission to observe Burnham in
action. - Subtext:
Burnham resents the scrutiny from Rillak. / Rillak doesn’t trust Burnham’s
judgement. - Relationship
arc: Rillak starts out underestimating Burnham’s skills as a leader. She
reconsiders when Burnham’s negotiating skills prove insightful and when
her dedication to the Federation is proven when she pursues Book.
DESTINY
Concept: A wealthy inter-planetary industrialist and his wife, an archaeologist, travel the galaxy in their space yacht, Destiny. As an inter-planetary syndicate, led by Vosskara Slyth, gains strength in the system, the couple learns of the husband’s previously unknown, now 21-year-old son. They follow clues to the son’s whereabouts while battling the threats to their empire.
NOREN AMSALA (protagonist)
Role: Interplanetary Entrepreneur/ Industrialist
NOREN AMSALA (protagonist) / VOSSKARA SLYTH (antagonist)
- Surface: Competitors / Former allies
turned enemies - Common ground: They grew up poor on
the same planet. - Conflict: Slyth wants to take over
Noren’s business empire. - History: They start out as friends.
Slyth betrays Noren. Noren is arrested and thrown in jail. When Noren
gets out he reinvents himself, becomes successful, and seeks to do only
good for this sector of the galaxy. Slyth will try to destroy him. - Subtext: Noren doesn’t trust Slyth /
Slyth resents Noren’s success - Relationship arc: Friends to enemies.
NOREN AMSALA (protagonist) / NIKA KRILAN (protagonist)
- Surface: Husband / Wife
- Common ground: Everything. They travel
the galaxy together. - Conflict: When it is necessary to
track down Noren’s son, A’Lyx, Nika will pretend to break with Noren.
Nika and her symbologist friend, Aurora Kael, will leave the Destiny to
pursue leads to A’Lyx. - History: (Well, there isn’t much of a
backstory just yet but I’m sure love at first sight was involved.) - Relationship arc: Love to potential
mistrust when she takes off to find A’Lyx
NOREN AMSALA (protagonist) / A’LYX AMSALA (Ally or Antagonist?)
- Surface: Father / Son (although
neither of them know it – yet) - Common ground: Troubled beginnings
- Conflict: To begin with they are on
opposite sides. A’Lyx will be in league with Slyth. - History: They have a history, but they
will not find that out until the end of the season. - Subtext: The death of A’Lyx’s mother
to a mysterious incident creates unresolved feelings and a sense of
responsibility for his newly discovered son, A’Lyx. - Relationship arc: While on Cryos,
Noren stumbles upon a cryptic message hinting at a long-lost relative. He
realizes that he may have fathered a child during a previous visit to the
planet. Determined to find answers, Noren and Nika make it their mission
to locate Noren’s son, A’Lyx.
VOSSKARA SLYTH (antagonist)
Role: Head of an Interplanetary Syndicate
VOSSKARA SLYTH (antagonist) / NIKA KRILAN (protagonist)
- Surface:
Competitor of her husband, Noren / Wife of his enemy - Common
ground: Noren’s son, A’Lyx (although nobody knows that – yet.) - Conflict:
Slyth will do anything for control – even destroy ancient civilizations.
Nika, as an archaeologist, will fight against his methods. - History:
Only what Noren has told her. - Subtext:
Vosskara plans to use Nika against Noren / Nika doesn’t trust Vosskara - Relationship
arc: Someone to be used to formidable adversary.
VOSSKARA SLYTH (antagonist) / A’LYX AMSALA (Ally or Antagonist?)
- Surface:
Head of Syndicate / Acolyte or Adversary? - Common
ground: Working against Noren Amsala - Conflict:
A’Lyx is an enigma – a sort of double agent. Is he working for himself? Or someone
else? - History:
Does A’Lyx ally himself with Slyth for a purpose? Or does Slyth find him
in a compromising situation and spin a web to catch him? TBD - Subtext:
They are using each other. - Relationship
arc: Leader and follower to adversaries to target and tracker.
NIKA KRILAN (protagonist)
Role: Archaeologist. Wife of Noren Amsala
NIKA KRILAN (protagonist) / A’LYX AMSALA (Ally or Antagonist?)
- Surface:
Father’s wife / Husband’s Son (although neither of them know it – yet) - Common
ground: - Conflict:
Nika will use all her powers to guard Noren from A’Lyx while A’Lyx is
working for Slyth - History:
Not much of one yet. - Subtext:
Can I trust him? / She shouldn’t trust me. - Relationship
arc: Dedicated to finding him. Dismayed when she learns he’s part of
Slyth’s operation. Hopeful that she’s wrong about him.
Assignment #3 – ChatGPT
Format / Genre = Sci-fi
Concept = A wealthy inter-planetary industrialist and his wife, an archaeologist, travel the galaxy in their space yacht, Destiny. As an inter-planetary syndicate gains strength in the system, the couple learns of the husband’s previously unknown, now 21-year-old son. They follow clues to the son’s whereabouts while battling the threats to their empire.
Main Character = Noren Amsala: Interplanetary Entrepreneur and Industrialist, devoted husband of Nika Krilan, and in direct competition with syndicate boss, Vosskara Slyth.
Character 2 = Nika Krilan: Telepathic archaeologist and devoted wife of Noren Amsala, she studies ancient civilizations and artifacts across different worlds.
Character 3 = A’Lyx Amsala: Noren’s 21-year-old unknown son from an earlier relationship, he struggles with identity and belonging and is either an acolyte or an adversary (perhaps both) of Vosskara Slyth
Character 4 = Vosskara Slyth: Head of the Interplanetary Syndicate, Ruthless Adversary of Noren Amsala he is driven by a deep-seated envy stemming from their shared impoverished upbringing.
Chat’s response
I’m unable to create visual tables, but I can provide you with a text-based representation of the table you described.Here’s a brief explanation of the relationships:
Title: Character Relationships for Noren Amsala
1. Common Ground:
• Nika Krilan: Devoted spouse, they share a deep love and commitment to each other.
• A’Lyx Amsala: Ambiguous, their relationship is complex and uncertain due to A’Lyx’s conflicting feelings towards Noren and his upbringing.
• Vosskara Slyth: Shared history, they both come from impoverished backgrounds, but have taken very different paths in life.
2. Relationship Conflict:
• Nika Krilan: Trust issues, there may be moments of doubt or challenges in their relationship, especially in the face of external threats.
• A’Lyx Amsala: Identity clash, A’Lyx’s struggle with his identity and his conflicting feelings towards Noren may lead to conflict.
• Vosskara Slyth: Rivalry, they are direct adversaries, driven by their competing interests and Vosskara’s envy of Noren.
3. Relationship History:
• Nika Krilan: Love and trust, they have a deep and long-standing history of love, trust, and shared experiences.
• A’Lyx Amsala: Discovery, Noren and A’Lyx are just getting to know each other, with A’Lyx learning about his father and his father’s world.
• Vosskara Slyth: Childhood ties, they share a history of poverty and adversity, which has shaped their divergent paths.
4. Relationship Subtext:
• Nika Krilan: Unspoken bond, there may be moments of unspoken understanding and connection between Nika and Noren.
• A’Lyx Amsala: Familial tension, there may be underlying tension and unresolved issues related to A’Lyx’s upbringing and Noren’s role in it.
• Vosskara Slyth: Envy, Vosskara harbors a deep-seated envy towards Noren, which drives their adversarial relationship.
5. Relationship Arc:
• Nika Krilan: Growth together, their relationship may evolve and grow stronger as they face challenges together.
• A’Lyx Amsala: Identity journey, A’Lyx’s journey to understand his identity and find his place in the world will be a central arc in the story.
• Vosskara Slyth: Showdown, their conflict is likely to escalate, leading to a climactic confrontation between Noren and Vosskara.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by
websystems.
- Surface:
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Barbe’s Character Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is that once again AI did an admirable job and generated Profiles that were very close to my efforts.
ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show
STAR TREK: DISCOVERY (Season 4)
Capt. Michael Burnham
• A. Situational: Hope / Fear
o Hope: To find whoever created the DMA
o Fear: That whoever created the DMA will destroy the galaxy before the Federation can make contact.
• B. Motivation: Want / Need
o Want: To stay independent. To be a strong leader.
o Need: Connection
• C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask
o Base Negative Emotion: Anger and distrust
o Public Mask: Calm, collected.
• D. Weaknesses: Always needs to prove herself. Protective of her crew.
• E. Triggers: Anything that threatens the crew or questions her competence, decision-making.
• F. Coping Mechanism: Fights back.
Cleveland “Book” Booker
• A. Situational: Hope / Fear
o Hope: To find the DMA to destroy it.
o Fear: That the Federation will choose negotiation over destruction.
• B. Motivation: Want / Need
o Want: To avenge the death of his family
o Need: Justice
• C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask
o Base Negative Emotion: Loneliness, separation
o Public Mask: Charm
• D. Weaknesses: Threats to his family and his independence
• E. Triggers: Telling him he must conform to the rules.
• F. Coping Mechanism: Withdrawing back to his ship.
Ruon Tarker
• A. Situational: Hope / Fear
o Hope: To find the control mechanism inside the DMA to acquire the power necessary to travel to the alternate universe.
o Fear: That the Federation will choose negotiation over destruction of the DMA
• B. Motivation: Want / Need
o Want: To get to the alternate universe
o Need: To reunite with Oros.
• C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask
o Base Negative Emotion: Selfishness
o Public Mask: Charm
• D. Weaknesses: An overabundance of self-assurance.
• E. Triggers: The word “No!”
• F. Coping Mechanism: Barging ahead. Takes matters into his own hands.
________________________________________
ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show
DESTINY
Noren Amsala
• A. Situational: Hope / Fear
o Hope: That he will be reunited with his son
o Fear: That Vosskara Slyth will get to his son first
• B. Motivation: Want / Need
o Want: To build a successful interplanetary business
o Need: to overcome his humble beginnings
• C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask
o Base Negative Emotion: Rage – primarily focused on Vosskara Slyth
o Public Mask: Cool, Charming, Erudite
• D. Weaknesses: Hidden past, temper when family is threatened.
• E. Triggers: Threatening his family or his secret.
• F. Coping Mechanism: First, he would DENY, then FIGHT BACK by MANIPULATION.
o Fight back — blame others, attack back, lash out
o Denial — ignore it, pretend it didn’t happen.
o Manipulate — guilt, blackmail, threats, humiliation.
Nika Krilan
• A. Situational: Hope / Fear
o Hope: To uncover the secrets of ancient civilizations and artifacts across different worlds
o Fear: On a previous expedition Nika lost a close group of fellow archaeologists. Their loss haunts her, serving as a constant reminder of the dangers of her profession.
• B. Motivation: Want / Need
o Want: To reunite Noren with his son, Alex
o Need: To be part of a family
• C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask
o Base Negative Emotion: Fear of abandonment
o Public Mask: Gregarious, Inclusive
• D. Weaknesses: Her love for Noren and Jez, her cat.
• E. Triggers: Threatening her family.
• F. Coping Mechanism: Uses her telepathy to MANIPULATE.
2. Once you have a version that you created, go to AI and have it create a version of the Emotional Profile for your characters.
Noren Amsala
A. Situational:
• Hope: Hope that he can mend his relationship with A’Lyx and protect him from the dangers of their empire.
• Fear: Fear that his past decisions and responsibilities will continue to strain his connection with A’Lyx.
B. Motivation:
• Want: He wants to find his son, A’Lyx, and establish a meaningful relationship with him.
• Need: He needs to come to terms with the unresolved feelings and sense of responsibility he has for A’Lyx due to the death of his mother.
C. Mask:
• Base Negative Emotion: Grief and guilt over A’Lyx’s mother’s death.
• Public Mask: Confident and in control, projecting an image of a successful interplanetary entrepreneur.
D. Weaknesses:
• Emotional vulnerability related to A’Lyx and his late mother.
• Tendency to overextend himself for the sake of his empire.
E. Triggers:
• Anything related to A’Lyx or his mother’s memory, as well as threats to his empire.
F. Coping Mechanism:
• Immersing himself in his work and technology to avoid confronting his unresolved feelings.
Nika Krilan
A. Situational:
• Hope: Hope that she can uncover valuable artifacts and ancient secrets that will make a significant impact on the galaxy.
• Fear: Fear of losing those she cares about due to the dangers of her profession.
B. Motivation:
• Want: She wants to reunite Noren with his son, A’Lyx, and help them form a meaningful connection.
• Need: She needs to find closure for the loss of her fellow archaeologists and come to terms with the risks of her profession.
C. Mask:
• Base Negative Emotion: Lingering grief and survivor’s guilt from losing her colleagues.
• Public Mask: A composed and independent woman, projecting an air of confidence.
D. Weaknesses:
• Tendency to be overly protective of Noren and A’Lyx due to her past losses.
• Occasional struggle with trust and opening up about her own vulnerabilities.
E. Triggers:
• Any situation that reminds her of the loss of her colleagues or puts Noren and A’Lyx in danger.
F. Coping Mechanism:
• Focusing on her work and using her telepathic abilities to maintain a sense of control
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Barbe’s Intriguing Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s useful to explore all the aspects of Character Intrigue and find the most positive way for your character to express them. Principled people are often faced with situations that require them to dig deep down and even act outside of their comfort zone. In these cases, it’s best to keep in mind that REASONS MATTER.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
1. Think about your Example Show. Make a list of the places you’ve already seen Character Intrigue in the previous episodes.
STAR TREK: DISCOVERY
• Hidden agendas:
o Episode 1:
President Rillak inserts herself into Discovery’s mission to help the crew of the space station. It isn’t until the end of the mission that we learn her true motive – to evaluate Burnham’s fitness for command.
The Alshain are suspicious of the Federation’s offer of dilithium – “no strings attached.”
o Episode 2:
Burnham doesn’t believe that Book has recovered enough to fly into the anomaly. She wants to protect him and the ship from his recklessness and anger.
o Episode 3:
J’Vini steals the dilithium for her “lost cause” – protecting the Taglonen.
Rillak, against Burnham’s wishes, insists that J’Vini’s capture be under the guidance of Ni’Var. Ni’Var is about to re-enter the Federation and Riilak doesn’t want to jeopardize that.
• Competition:
o Episode 1: Rillak vs Burnham / Rillak questions Burnham’s decisions in front of the crew
o Episode 2: Book vs Burnham / The beginning of the split. Book demands that he be allowed to investigate the DMA, “I’m not Starfleet!”
o Episode 3: Burnham vs Burnham / Gabrielle Burnham, Michael Burnam’s mother and a Qowat Milat nun, insists that the Federation not exact their justice on J’Vini – because “Reasons matter.”
• Conspiracies:
o Episode 1: Who or what destroyed Kwejian? And the space station?
o Episode 2:
o Episode 3:
• Secrets:
o Episode 1: Rillak’s true motive for insisting she join the mission.
o Episode 2:
o Episode 3: Rillak’s true motive for insisting that Ni’Var take the lead on the investigation.
• Deception:
o Episode 1: Rillak lies when she tells the space station commander that she has visited his planet. She needs to convince him to relinquish control to Burnham.
o Episode 2: Book is not ready for his mission into the DMA and nearly jeopardizes the ship by hallucinating during the mission.
o Episode 3:
• Wound:
o Episode 1: Kwejian, Book’s home planet, is destroyed.
o Episode 2: Book is numb from grief following the loss of his planet and family
o Episode 3: President T’rina mind melds with Book to help him through his grief.
• Secret Identity: This is not present in the first 4 episodes. When Ruon Tarka enters the picture Conspiracies and Secret Identities blossom! 😊
2. Watch the next episode and see how Character Intrigue is being used to create the need to see more episodes.
Episode 4, sadly, is not a good example of creating momentum in the season-long arc. It exists primarily to accommodate the unexpected exit of the actress Mary Wiseman from the show (until the last episode). However, things really ramp up in Episode 5 with the arrival of Ruon Tarka!
• Hidden agendas: President Rillak, once again, hides the true reason that she drafts Burnham and Saru to attend a negotiating session on Ni’Var. She needs Burnham to be the go-between but can’t tell her why.
• Competition: Rillak vs T’Rina. Negotiations have broken down and neither will budge.
• Conspiracies:
• Secrets: Tilly wants to leave Discovery. At the end of the episode, she is offered an opportunity to teach at Starfleet Academy. (In truth this was an unplanned exit of the actress, Mary Wiseman, for the rest of the season.)
• Deception: In order to draft Burnham and Saru for the negotiations, Rillak lies about the health and well-being of Admiral Vance.
• Wound: The cadets on the training mission start out suspicious and belligerent. They are forced to bond after they are thrown off course and crash land on a dangerous moon.
• Secret Identity:
ChatGPT – Perhaps a bit too dark but provides inspiration and an opportunity to sharpen my focus on these characters.
Character Name: Noren Amsala
Role: Interplanetary Entrepreneur and Industrialist
Intriguing Layers:
A. Hidden agendas: Noren harbors a secret plan to uncover a long-lost technology that could revolutionize space travel, but he keeps it hidden even from his wife, Nika, for fear of the dangers it may pose.
B. Competition: Noren’s rivalry with Vosskara Slyth runs deeper than anyone knows. He has a personal vendetta against Vosskara and is determined to outmaneuver her in the battle for control over the galaxy’s resources.
C. Conspiracies: Noren unwittingly stumbles upon a galactic conspiracy involving ancient relics that could reshape the balance of power in the universe. As he digs deeper, he realizes that even his own allies might not be what they seem.
D. Secrets: Beyond his hidden agenda, Noren carries a dark secret from his past that could shatter the carefully constructed facade of his success. This secret has ties to the very syndicate threatening his empire.
E. Deception: Noren is a master of concealing his true intentions. He maintains a polished public image, but behind closed doors, he navigates a web of deception to protect his interests and those he holds dear.
F. Wound: Noren carries emotional scars from a tragic event that shaped him into the determined, sometimes ruthless entrepreneur he is today. This wound fuels his relentless pursuit of success and drives his need to safeguard his family and empire.
G. Secret Identity: Unbeknownst to most, Noren assumes a covert identity when delving into the dangerous underbelly of the galaxy. This hidden persona allows him to gather intel and make strategic moves without drawing attention to himself or his family.
Character Name: Nika Krilan
Role: Archaeologist
Intriguing Layers:
A. Hidden agendas: Nika’s seemingly scholarly pursuits mask a secret mission to uncover a lost civilization’s ultimate weapon, believed to be buried deep within an ancient ruin. Her determination to find it puts her on a collision course with powerful forces.
B. Competition: Nika’s scholarly achievements have earned her both admirers and rivals within the academic community. As she races against time to find the ancient weapon, she must also contend with rival archaeologists who seek to claim the discovery for themselves.
C. Conspiracies: Nika inadvertently stumbles upon a secret society dedicated to guarding ancient knowledge. Their motives are shrouded in mystery, and as Nika gets closer to the truth, she realizes they may hold the key to preventing a cataclysmic event.
D. Secrets: Nika conceals a personal connection to the lost civilization she’s studying, a connection that, if revealed, could change the course of her mission and endanger those she loves.
E. Deception: Nika must carefully navigate the treacherous world of interplanetary politics and espionage, where loyalties are constantly shifting. She must decide who to trust and who might be concealing their true intentions.
F. Wound: Nika carries the weight of a past expedition gone awry, resulting in the loss of valuable colleagues. This tragedy fuels her determination to succeed in her current mission, but it also haunts her every step.
G. Secret Identity: Nika assumes a false identity when venturing into dangerous territories, concealing her true purpose and affiliations. This allows her to gather crucial information without drawing attention to herself or her husband’s empire.
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Barbe’s Engaging Main Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is once again Chat created a much more detailed answer much of which I can incorporate or be inspired by.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
HOUSE OF CARDS
Engaging Profile for Frank UnderwoodA. Role in the show: Majority Whip of the House. Husband of Claire Underwood
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Unique Purpose: Control
Expertise: Manipulation. A Machiavellian sociopath.C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Frank is beguiling. The smooth southern charm hides a ruthless manipulator. He is capable of anything if it serves his purpose.D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Frank is not crossing any moral boundaries. He does not have any. He is amoral. He does what is necessary to get ahead.E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
Frank will do anything. Destroy anybody. Use anybody.F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
It’s a tough way to live – using and abusing everyone. We are tempted to feel sorry for him when he loses the Sec. of State position – but the next morning his plan of retribution is in place. He doesn’t care about anybody. Why should we care about him?STAR TREK: DISCOVERY
Engaging Profile for Michael BurnhamA. Role in the show: Captain of the Discovery
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Purpose: To lead the crew in pursuit of the “anomaly” that is destroying parts of the galaxy.
Expertise: The only human to graduate from the Vulcan Science Academy / LeaderC. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
She is in love with Book which causes her to question her own motives when making the decision to send him into dangerous situations.D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Burnham is highly disciplined, highly principled, having grown up on Vulcan she, like Spock, is torn between emotion and logic. Her human side makes her sympathetic, but her Vulcan training makes her confrontational.E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
She is not always logical. She is perfectly capable of ignoring protocol to get the outcome that she believes is right.F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
In her past she has suffered trauma – the loss of her parents, and imprisonment. She, like the rest of the crew, has left everyone and everything she knew behind to travel to the future in order to save – all life. She has enormous empathy for her crew. It’s hard not to have empathy for her.ASSIGNMENT 2:
1. Tell us the journey of your show.
A wealthy inter-planetary industrialist and his wife, an archaeologist, travel the galaxy in their space yacht, Destiny. As an inter-planetary cabal gains strength in the system, the couple learns of the husband’s previously unknown, now 21-year-old son. They follow clues to the son’s whereabouts while battling the threats to their empire.
2. Who are the main characters that will sell your show?
Noren Amsala – Wealthy industrialist. Husband of Nika Krilan
Nika Krilan – Archaeologist. Wife of Noren Amsala.
DESTINY
Engaging Profile for Noren AmsalaA. Role in the show: Wealthy inter-planetary industrialist / entrepreneur. Husband of Nika Krilan.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Unique Purpose: Noren’s businesses include building luxury spaceships, mining, android development, shipping and transport, and satellite development and deployment. He serves as a focal point for the cabal’s activities.
Expertise: Engineer. The Elon Musk of the 24<sup>th</sup> centuryC. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Noren is one of the good guys. Highly moral and ethical and deeply in love with his wife. These strong characteristics will cause him to react just as strongly when his world is threatened.D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
He is capable of anything when the cause is just.E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
He will do anything and everything to keep Nika safe. If she is threatened, he will act “out of character.”F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
He and Nika will set out on a quest to find his son. He will cross paths with Vosskara Slyth who threatens to destroy everyone that Noren cares about.Engaging Profile for Nika Krilan
A. Role in the show: Archaeologist. Wife of Noren Amsala.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Purpose: To unravel mysteries and follow clues.
Expertise: Deciphers the secrets of ancient civilizations and artifacts. Expert in ancient languages and symbology.C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Nika has a mysterious past and a telepathic bond with Jez (her cat)D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Although adamant about not tampering with ancient sites if it threatens Noren she is capable of anything.E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
Her ability to decode makes it possible for her to infiltrate, reprogram, unlock, perhaps even control telepathically.F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Nika and Noren are on a quest to find Noren’s son. We want them to succeed in the face of great danger.4. Go to AI and use this prompt to generate another version of your characters:
ChatGPT
Noren Amsala:
A. Role in the show:
Protagonist and wealthy
inter-planetary industrialist.B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Noren is a shrewd and visionary
businessman with an uncanny ability to navigate the complex web of
inter-planetary politics and economics. He also possesses an innate talent
for technological innovation and is the driving force behind their space
yacht, Destiny.C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Beneath his polished exterior
lies a haunting secret from his past. Noren’s rise to power was not
without its sacrifices, and there are dark decisions he made to secure his
empire that continue to haunt him.D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Noren grapples with the moral
dilemma of the greater good versus personal gain. He often finds himself
making decisions that prioritize the stability and prosperity of his
empire over individual lives, leading him to question the cost of his
success.E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
Noren’s actions are driven by a
blend of calculated pragmatism and moments of audacious risk-taking. He is
not afraid to make bold moves, and his ability to adapt to unforeseen
circumstances keeps both allies and adversaries on their toes.F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Despite his wealth and power,
Noren is haunted by his past and seeks redemption for the choices he made.
His vulnerability and inner turmoil make him relatable, and we root for
him as he grapples with the complexities of his empire and family.<hr size=”0″ width=”100%” align=”center”>
Nika Krilan:
A. Role in the show:
Protagonist and accomplished
archaeologist. Wife of Noren Amsala.B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Nika’s expertise lies in
uncovering the mysteries of ancient civilizations across the galaxy. Her
keen intellect, intuition, and deep reverence for history make her an
invaluable asset to the team. She brings a balance of cultural sensitivity
and scientific rigor to their adventures.C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Nika harbors a personal quest to
uncover the truth behind a legendary lost civilization that holds the key
to understanding the origins of the inter-planetary cabal. This quest is
intertwined with her own family history, a legacy that she’s kept hidden from
Noren.D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Nika grapples with the ethical
implications of unearthing ancient artifacts that hold immense power,
knowing that they could be wielded for both good and nefarious purposes.
She struggles with the responsibility that comes with her discoveries.E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
Nika’s actions are often guided
by a combination of intellectual curiosity and a fierce determination to
protect the galaxy from the rising threats. Her resourcefulness and
ability to think on her feet make her a formidable force in their
adventures.F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Nika’s passion for preserving
history and her internal conflict between her duty as an archaeologist and
her responsibilities to her family create a deeply empathetic character.
Her journey to uncover the truth, both about the ancient civilization and
her own past, resonates with the audience. -
Barbe’s Three Circles of Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is that the AI answers provide some additional characters that will fit into my concept very nicely.
ASSIGNMENT 2A
HOUSE OF CARDS
A. Main Characters Circle: Frank Underwood, Claire Underwood, Doug Stamper, and Zoe Barnes.
B. Connected Circle: Linda Vasquez, Peter Russo, Catherine Durant, Remy Danton, and Freddy.
C. Environment Circle: The President, Congress, President’s staff, members of the press, Secret Service, friends from school, folks in the background.
STAR TREK: DISCOVERY (Season 4)
A. Main Characters Circle: Captain Michael Burnham (played by Sonequa Martin-Green), Cleveland “Book” Booker
B. Connected Circle: Saru, Sylvia Tilly, Paul Stamets, Hugh Culber, Adira Tal, Jett Reno, Dr. Gabrielle Burnham Bridge Crew: Lt. Keyla Detmer, Lt. Joann Owosekun, Lt. Gen Rhys, Lt. R.A. Bryce, Lt. Nilsson Recurring; Charles Vance, Gray Tal, Laira Rillak, T’Rina, Zora (computer), Kovich, Ruon Tarka, Diatta Ndoye, Hirai
C. Environment Circle: Crew of the Discovery, Space Station Crew, Vulcans, Romulans, citizens of N’Var, the Alshain, myriad species at Starfleet Headquarters.
ASSIGNMENT 2B:
1. Create the three circles of characters for your show.
A. Main Characters Circle: Noren Amsala, Nika Krilan, Gamma, Jez
B. Connected Circle: Elysia Valeria, A’Lyx Amsala, Vosskara Slyth
C. Environment Circle: business leaders, archaeologists, industrialists, rebels.2. Give us a one sentence description of each of the Main Characters.
CHARACTERS:
Noren Amsala – Interplanetary Entrepreneur and Industrialist who navigates the complexities of interstellar politics and threats to his myriad holdings. Husband of Nika.
Nika Krilan – Archaeologist who studies ancient civilizations and artifacts across different worlds. Wife of Noren.
Jez: Nika’s telepathic cat who proves invaluable in unraveling mysteries and alerting them to danger.
Gamma: “Gam” for short. An android who travels with Noren and Nika and handles routine tasks.
AI’s CHARACTERS
A. Main Characters:
Lucius Kane
Unique Role: Lucius Kane is the wealthy inter-planetary industrialist. He is a shrewd businessman with a penchant for exploration. He’s the owner of the space yacht, Destiny, and is driven by a desire to expand his empire across the galaxy.Secret or Intrigue: Lucius harbors a secret past on a remote planet, where he was once involved with a resistance movement against the oppressive regime. This history holds clues to the identity of his long-lost son.
Elena Kane
Unique Role: Elena is Lucius’s wife, a brilliant archaeologist with a deep passion for uncovering ancient mysteries. She travels with Lucius on Destiny, studying ancient sites, artifacts, and cultures on the various planets they visit.
Secret or Intrigue: Elena possesses a mysterious artifact of immense power that she discovered on a forgotten world. This artifact is somehow linked to the prophecy surrounding the interplanetary cult leader.Caelum Novak
Unique Role: Caelum is the grown son of Lucius Kane, raised in secrecy by rebels on a distant planet. He has grown up with a deep mistrust of the wealthy and powerful, unaware of his true heritage.
Secret or Intrigue: Caelum possesses a unique ability to sense disturbances in the Force, an ability inherited from his mother, Elena. This ability makes him a target for those who seek to control or eliminate him.B. Connected Characters:
Nyx Zara
Nyx is a skilled space pirate with a complex history. She crosses paths with Lucius and Elena during their travels, forming an uneasy alliance born out of mutual need. Nyx has knowledge of the cult leader’s activities and holds a personal vendetta against him.Aurora Kael
Aurora is a former colleague of Elena’s, now an expert in ancient languages and symbology. She becomes a vital resource in deciphering the enigmatic messages left by the ancient cultures Elena studies.Thaddeus Voss
Thaddeus is a charismatic informant with connections across the galaxy. He provides Lucius and Elena with crucial intel on the whereabouts of Lucius’s son and the cult leader’s movements.C. Environment Characters (by their jobs):
Galactic Barkeep, Sentient Ship AI-Destiny, Botanical Scientist, Alien Artifact Collector, Galactic Historian, Interplanetary Diplomat, Spaceport Mechanic, Astrocartographer, Celestial Navigator, Exobotanist,
Chat: These environment characters add depth and realism to the world of the series, each playing a part in the larger narrative in their own way.
Galactic Security Officer, Holographic Archaeo-technician, Xenobiologist, Astro-geologist, Celestial Cartographer, Ancient Relics Conservator, Spacefaring Historian, Quantum Physicist, Nebulae Observer, Temporal Anomalist
Chat: These characters add further richness and diversity to the world of your series, each contributing their expertise and perspectives to the unfolding story.
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What I learned doing this assignment is that it is possible to see interesting techniques used even though the characters are unlikeable.
House of Cards
1. Big Picture Hooks
What is the big hook of this show? A behind the scenes look at the machinations of a corrupt politician.2. Amazing and Intriguing Character
What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting? Frank
Underwood is a devious, revengeful character. Lots of layers. His wife Claire is the same. A “perfect”
couple.
3. Empathy / Distress
What situations causes us to feel both empathy and distress for these
characters?
Empathy: Frank loses the position of Sec. of State.
Distress: Will something bad happen to Frank? I certainly hope so.
4. Layers
/ Open Loops
What questions are created by this first episode that can only be
answered by watching the entire season? Two-faced Frank has devised
his plan for revenge and retribution.
We have to tune in to see how it plays out, who will fall victim to
his plan.
5. Inviting
Obsession
How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode? Like
any series it will provide only one or two steps in the plan. If you miss an episode, you lose the
thread of the story.Just for me, I’m going to examine another series that is positive and uplifting. Since the concept that I’m bringing to the course is sci-fi, I believe I will glean more from this series than from HOC.
Star Trek: Discovery (Season 4)
1. Big Picture Hooks
What is the big hook of this show?
What is the next adventure for the crew of the Discovery? Each
season has one story in a season-long arc. In Season 4 they face a threat
of unknown origin that is wreaking havoc in the galaxy.
2. Amazing and Intriguing Character
What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?
These characters are brave, loyal, brilliant, and resourceful. They have a mystery to solve, and they
bring all their skills to that endeavor.
They have flaws too. There are often competing agendas. (I’d much
rather follow them on their journey than explore the mechanics of a
corrupt politician.)
3. Empathy / Distress
What situations causes us to feel both empathy and distress for these
characters?
Empathy: Cleveland Booker’s family dies when the planet Kwejian is
destroyed.
Distress: Michael Burnham nearly dies trying to save the crew on the space
station.
4. Layers / Open Loops
What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered
by watching the entire season?
What caused the gravitational distortion that caused the space station to
spin out of control and destroyed the nearby planet Kwejian?5. Inviting Obsession
How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?
There is a mystery to solve. They are engaged in a mission that is larger than each one of them.-
This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Barbe LaPierre.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Barbe LaPierre.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by
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Hello all!
Barbe LaPierre
5 features and 1 pilot.
Looking forward to creating with AI – my new writing partner.
PS32
Happy to be here!
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Barbe LaPierre
I Agree to the Terms of this Release Form.
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Looking for a partner for Round 3: blapierre1@comcast.net
Barbe’s Thriller Map Version 3
What I learned is that it’s great to have many sets of professional level eyes on my work.
Main improvements: Changed names to avoid alliteration, clarified some clues, added a bit more detail, filled some potholes in the logic.
Focus for Round 3: Can you follow it? Are there any holes in the logic?
READER BEWARE: This is not a Thriller. (Sorry, Hal.) It a cozy mystery in the vein of Thursday Murder Club, Shakespeare & Hathaway, Queens of Mystery, with a dash of Lovejoy. The tone I was going for is quirky or charming.
Title: THE CLUB
Genre: Comedy / Thriller
Series logline: Six resourceful ladies in a mystery book club enthusiastically turn amateur sleuths, cleverly solving real-life crimes while navigating their own tangled lives.
Episode 1 – PLOT TWISTS
Logline: The book club tackles a real crime when their bookshop owner friend is framed for murder, forcing them to solve the case and clear his name.
OPENING
#1 INT. WHODUNITZ MYSTERIES BOOKSTORE – NIGHT
HANK MIDDLETON (65, Caucasian) is awakened in the middle of the night by the sound of two gunshots in his bookstore below his apartment. He creeps down to find a body in his office. He calls the police. He searches for his gun by the register – but it’s gone. He hears a disturbance in the alley and heads out to check.
#2 EXT. ALLEY – NIGHT
Another body lies in the alley – but he’s not dead. As Hank approaches the man rolls over and drops a gun – Hank’s gun. Hank picks up the gun. The man lunges. Hank shoots. The look on Hank’s face hints that he might recognize this guy. Was the shot self-defense?
The police arrive to find Hank standing over the body.
CATALYST
#3 INT. BITTER BONES BREW PUB – EVENING
A cozy neighborhood hangout.
MATILDA “MATTY” HOLMES (late 60s, Caucasian), BEATRICE “BEA” BENNETT (early 60s, African American), PENELOPE “PENNY” SULLIVAN (mid 50s, Caucasian), EVELINA “EVIE” JOHNSON (early 50s, Hispanic), HAZEL “HAZY” THOMPSON (early 60s, African American), DEVINA “DEVI” MADAN (mid 50s, Asian Indian), the members of The MYSTERY MAVENS BOOK CLUB, sit around a large table, drink beer and wine and discuss the latest mystery novel “Blackbirds at Night.”
Matty is waiting for a call from her “boyfriend,” Hank. He spent the day before at a book auction.
At the end of the evening’s spirited discussion, Matty receives an urgent call from Hank.
He has been arrested for murder. The Mavens rush to the aid of their friend.
#4 INT. JAIL VISITATION ROOM – NIGHT
The Mystery Mavens stand before a metal counter, separated from Hank by a thick pane of glass. Hank appears disheveled and desperate, his eyes filled with hope as he spots his friends.
Hank says he is framed for the murder of the thief in the alley.
Hank relates the events as they unfolded but withholds key pieces of information. Why?
The Mavens continue to quiz Hank. As Hank tells the Mavens about “the person who came into the store asking about rare books,” a…
FLASHBACK to Hank talking to the now-dead thief in the bookstore days before. The guy hands Hank a credit card but then leaves the store without it. As soon as the guy leaves, Hank picks up his phone, scans through his contacts, taps on “David.”
MAVENS: Did they get into the safe?
HANK: I don’t know – but there’s nothing in there but a deed and a bunch of receipts.
Hank asks the Mavens for help.
#5 INT. MATTY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Matty paces back and forth, a skeptical expression on her face. The Mavens watch her with concern.
Bea sees a headline on her phone “Manuscript Stolen.” Was this the same auction that Hank attended?
Using their depth of knowledge of case solving in mystery novels they decide to help. Besides, the Mavens can do things that are “just slightly illegal” when the police can’t.
Devi asks, “Where do we start?” Matty answers, “Whodunitz.”
FUN & GAMES
#6 INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
DAVID HOLMES (late 30s) police detective and son of Maven Matty Holmes, sits at his desk.
In charge of the investigation, he reads through the crime scene report about the bodies in the office and the alley.
He scans the fingerprint database for Hank’s prints and gets a hit. Hank is in the system! He’s ex-FBI!
David scans for the thief’s prints. He’s in the system. The thief Hank shot is Hank’s ex-FBI partner, Rusty Becker.
Prints from the dead guy in the office – a Russian thug.
#7 INT. HOSPITAL MORGUE – DAY
Maven Hazy Thompson, forensic specialist, reviews the autopsy report for the dead thief in the office. The autopsy reveals that the bullet came from Hank’s gun – prints indicate it was fired by the other thief, Rusty Becker. Why?
Rusty Becker was shot twice, once by Hank – but the first bullet was from a Russian gun.
Both corpses have Russian gang tattoos.
What were they after and why did they shoot each other?
#8 INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
David “interrogates” Hank. It’s more like a conversation.
“Let’s help each other out, Hank.” / David shows him the headline about the auction. / “So, you went to the auction to buy the manuscript?” “Yes.” / “And you were going to buy the manuscript with a credit card that Rusty Becker gave you? “Yes” / “And that’s the way his boss was going to launder the money.” “I guess.” / “But before you could pay for the manuscript, it was stolen.” “Yeah.” / “Then Randy Becker shows up in the middle of the night in your store because…?” “I don’t know.” / “And another guy winds up dead in your office. Why?” “I don’t know.” / “What were they after? Why did they shoot each other?” / “It would be easier if we had the combination to your safe.” / Hank takes David’s notepad and writes the combination. / “There is nothing of any importance in my safe.”
#9 EXT./INT. WHODUNITZ MYSTERIES BOOKSTORE – DAY
Mavens cross the police tape and “break in” to Hank’s store. Matty has the key. (“It’s not breaking, it’s just… entering.”)
The Mavens use techniques and strategies gleaned from the best detective novels.
Bea and Evie go upstairs into Hank’s apartment above the store. They find overdue notices. Hank is in debt.
Penny and Hazy search another room in the apartment. They find a photo of the ex-FBI guy and Hank receiving commendations. (“That’s Rusty Becker, I recognize him from the coroner’s report.”) An article falls out of a book about Hank and his partner being dismissed by the FBI for wrongdoing.
Downstairs in the office Devi uses her safecracking skills and breaks into the safe. Matty removes — the manuscript.
The Mavens wonder – Why would Hank bid on a manuscript he couldn’t afford? And how did he get tangled up with the Russian mob?
#10 EXT. WHODUNITZ MYSTERIES BOOKSTORE – DAY
Two figures in the shadows have the bookstore under surveillance. They spy the Mavens leaving the store.
Just then a police car arrives. The police enter the bookstore.
#11 INT. WHODUNITZ MYSTERIES BOOKSTORE – DAY
The police dust for prints – then open the safe. Except for the deed and some receipts — it’s empty.
#12 INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
David scans the prints report from the bookstore. There are three sets of prints on the safe: Hank, Randy Becker, and an unidentified set – not in the system.
Matty calls David to invite him to dinner. “There are things we must discuss.”
MIDPOINT
#13 INT. VOLKOV’S HIDEOUT – DAY
SERGEY VOLKOV (60s) a burly Russian mob boss, quizzes his thugs about their surveillance at the bookstore. He now knows the Mavens have the manuscript. He believes that Hank killed both Rusty Becker and the other thug. He still thinks Hank has double-crossed him. With Hank in jail his attention is now on — the Mavens.
BAD GUYS CLOSE IN
#14 INT. MATTY’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT
David has dinner with his mother, Matty, and the Mavens. David reveals to the Mavens that the police searched Hank’s office. They thought they would find the manuscript in his safe, but Hank wasn’t lying. There wasn’t anything in there.
Matty gently breaks it to David that the Mavens “stole” the manuscript from Hank’s safe.
What is so important about this manuscript that you would risk being arrested – or killed? Matty opens the manuscript case. It’s the Einstein-Besso manuscript worth $15 million.
David tells them that Hank is mixed up with some pretty bad guys.
On his phone David shows the Mavens footage of the auction. They see Hank bidding on the manuscript and Randy Becker in the crowd.
David finally reveals to the Mavens the truth about who Hank is: Ex-FBI and working for Volkov. The Mavens are dumbfounded but still want to work to clear Hank’s name. Hank must have been coerced.
David doesn’t want them involved. They want to help trap Volkov.
David insists in no uncertain terms that they are not to be involved in the investigation. He leaves.
The Mavens hatch a plan.
#15 EXT. SUPERMARKET – DAY
Maven Penny exits the supermarket. As she approaches her car, she sees a scary looking dude leaning on the front fender. In a thick Russian accent, he relays a message from Volkov to turn over the manuscript. As he leaves, he keys her car. (“Now I’m really mad!”)
#16 INT. MADAN’S ANTIQUES – DAY
Maven Devi approaches a customer in her store. In a thick Russian accent, he relays a message from Volkov to turn over the manuscript. (“You have a nice store. It would be too bad if something happened to it.”) As he leaves, he purposefully knocks over an expensive lamp. It crashes into smithereens. (“Now I’m really mad!”)
#17 EXT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Matty exits the hospital. As she approaches her car, two thugs approach and whisk her into a van. It speeds off.
#18 INT. VOLKOV’S HIDEOUT – DAY
Volkov interrogates Matty. She is just as tough as she looks.
Matty tells Volkov that Hank did not kill either of his thugs. They shot each other.
He wants the manuscript.
Matty invites Volkov to dinner at her home. She will turn over the manuscript.
Volkov smiles and accepts. Matty is released.
Volkov, who has yet to produce the manuscript, receives a threatening email from his employer, a powerful, shadowy Russian oligarch.
FINALE
#19 INT. MATTY’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Volkov attends the dinner with the Mavens but brings his thugs to stand guard outside and inside.
Volkov really likes the Mavens. They are his age. He enjoys their company. They laugh at his jokes, and he laughs at theirs.
#20 EXT. MATTY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Unknown to the diners inside a police SWAT team swoops in and dispatches the thugs outside.
#21 INT. MATTY’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Just as Volkov, with a twinge of wistful regret, threatens to kill all the Mavens unless they produce the manuscript…
Matty added a sedative to the chocolate cake and put Volkov and his thugs to sleep.
SWAT charges to the rescue – Volkov is snoring.
Volkov is captured.
RESOLUTION
#22 INT. BITTER BONES BREW PUB – NIGHT
Hank and David enter.
All this turmoil has jeopardized Hank’s relationship with Matty.
David, at long last, reveals to the Mavens that Hank was working with the police to apprehend Volkov.
All the questions are answered, and connections are laid out.
DAVID: Rusty Becker stole the manuscript. He put it in the safe to make Volkov believe that Hank had double crossed him. Best we can figure, Volkov sent the other thief to search for the manuscript. He surprised Becker, and Becker had to kill him so he couldn’t rat to Volkov. And Becker shot him with Hank’s gun so Hank would be blamed for that too.
HANK: Rusty and I were partners. Rusty got into some stuff, and I turned him in. We both got suspended. Our careers were over. I hated him for that. I lost track of him until he walked into the store and recruited me to work for Volkov. Volkov was going to pay off all my debts. I called David right away. I had a plan to take down Volkov – but then Rusty got inventive, and the plan went sideways.
PENNY: But you shot him.
DAVID: Self-defense.
MATTY: Then why did you keep him in jail?
DAVID: I knew Volkov would be after him for the manuscript and for the two thugs. Jail was the safest place.
BEA: Where’s the manuscript?
DAVID: The auction house picked it up today. They’ll give it another try.
EVIE: And the money to buy the manuscript?
DAVID: We have the credit card that Volkov gave to Randy to give to Hank to buy the manuscript. We’ll hand that over to the Art Crimes Division. They’ll be able to track it to Volkov’s boss.
Hank is exonerated.
David adds one last detail. Since the government was offering a million dollars for Volkov – the Mavens and Hank all get to share.
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Will be happy to exchange feedback. Anyone available? blapierre1@comcast.net
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Barbe’s Thriller Map Version 1
What I learned is that the Thriller process works! I few short weeks ago all I had was a concept, now I have an outline.
Title: MYSTERY MAVENS
Genre: Comedy / Thriller
Series logline
Six resourceful ladies in a murder-mystery book club enthusiastically turn amateur sleuths, cleverly solving real-life crimes while navigating their own tangled lives.
Episode 1 – PLOT TWISTS
Logline: The book club tackles a real crime when their bookshop owner friend is framed for murder, forcing them to solve the case and clear his name.
OPENING
INT. WHODUNITZ MYSTERIES BOOKSTORE – NIGHT
MAX MIDDLETON (65, Caucasian) is awakened in the middle of the night by the sound of two gunshots in his bookstore below his apartment. He creeps down to find a body in his office. He calls the police. He searches for his gun by the register – but it’s gone. He hears a disturbance in the alley and heads out to check.
EXT. ALLEY – NIGHT
Another body lies in the alley – but he’s not dead. As Max approaches the man rolls over and drops a gun – Max’s gun. Max picks up the gun. The man lunges. Max shoots. The look on Max’s face hints that he might recognize this guy. Was the shot self-defense?
The police arrive to find Max standing over the body.
CATALYST
INT. BITTER BONES BREW PUB – EVENING
A cozy neighborhood hangout.
MATILDA “MATTY” HOLMES (late 60s, Caucasian), BEATRICE “BEA” BENNETT (early 60s, African American), PENELOPE “PENNY” SULLIVAN (mid 50s, Caucasian), EVELINA “EVIE” JOHNSON (early 50s, Hispanic), HAZEL “HAZY” THOMPSON (early 60s, African American), DEVINA “DEVI” MADAN (mid 50s, Asian Indian), the members of The Mystery Mavens Book Club, sit around a large table, drink beer and wine and discuss the latest mystery novel “Blackbirds at Night.”
Matty is waiting for a call from her “boyfriend,” Max. He spent the day before at a book auction.
At the end of the evening’s spirited discussion, Matty receives an urgent call from Max.
He has been arrested for murder. The Mavens rush to the aid of their friend.
INT. JAIL VISITATION ROOM – NIGHT
The Mystery Mavens stand before a metal counter, separated from Max by a thick pane of glass. Max appears disheveled and desperate, his eyes filled with hope as he spots his friends.
Max says he is framed for the murder of the thief in the alley.
Max relates the events as they unfolded but withholds key pieces of information. Why?
The Mavens continue to quiz Max. As Max tells the Mavens about “the person who came into the store asking about rare books,” a flashback to him talking to the now-dead thief. When the guy leaves, Max picks up the phone. Who is he calling?
Max asks the Mavens for help.
INT. MATTY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Matty paces back and forth, a skeptical expression on her face. The Mavens watch her with concern.
Bea sees a headline on her phone “Manuscript Stolen.” Was this the same auction that Max attended?
Using their depth of knowledge of case solving in mystery novels they decide to help. Besides, the Mavens can do things that are “just slightly illegal” when the police can’t.
Devi asks, “Where do we start?” Matty answers, “Whodunitz.”
FUN & GAMES
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
DAVID HOLMES (late 30s) police detective and son of Maven Matty Holmes, sits at his desk.
In charge of the investigation, he reads through the crime scene report about the bodies in the office and the alley.
He scans the fingerprint database for Max’s prints and gets a hit. Max is in the system! He’s ex-FBI!
David scans for the thief’s prints. He’s in the system. The thief Max shot is Max’s ex-FBI partner, Rusty Becker.
Prints from the dead guy in the office – a Russian thug.
INT. HOSPITAL MORGUE – DAY
Maven Hazy Thompson, forensic specialist, reviews the autopsy report for the dead thief in the office. The autopsy reveals that the bullet came from Max’s gun – prints indicate it was fired by the other thief, Rusty Becker. Why?
Rusty Becker was shot twice, once by Max – but the first bullet was from a Russian gun.
Both corpses have Russian gang tattoos.
What were they after and why did they shoot each other?
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
David “interrogates” Max. It’s more like a conversation.
“Let’s help each other out, Max.” / David shows him the headline about the auction. / “So, you went to the auction to buy the manuscript?” “Yes.” / “But before you could pay for it, it was stolen.” “Yes.” / “Then Randy Becker shows up in the middle of the night in your store because…?” “I don’t know.” / “And another guy winds up dead in your office. Why?” “I don’t know.” / “What were they after? Why did they shoot each other?” / It would be easier if we had the combination to your safe. / Max grabs David’s notepad and writes the combination. / “There is nothing of any importance in my safe.”
EXT./INT. WHODUNITZ MYSTERIES BOOKSTORE – DAY
Mavens cross the police tape and “break in” to Max’s store. Matty has the key. (“It’s not breaking, it’s just… entering.”)
The Mavens use techniques and strategies gleaned from the best detective novels.
Bea and Evie go upstairs into Max’s apartment above the store. They find overdue notices. Max is in debt.
Penny and Hazy search another room in the apartment. They find a photo of the ex-FBI guy and Max receiving commendations. (“That’s Rusty Becker, I recognize him from the coroner’s report.”) An article falls out of a book about Max and his partner being dismissed by the FBI for wrongdoing.
Downstairs in the office Devi uses her safecracking skills and breaks into the safe. Matty removes the manuscript.
The Mavens wonder – Why would Max bid on a manuscript he couldn’t afford? And how did he get tangled up with the Russian mob?
EXT. WHODUNITZ MYSTERIES BOOKSTORE – DAY
Two figures in the shadows have the bookstore under surveillance. They spy the Mavens leaving the store.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Matty calls David to invite him to dinner. “There are things we must discuss.”
MIDPOINT
INT. VOLKOV’S HIDEOUT – DAY
SERGEY VOLKOV (60s) a burly Russian mob boss, quizzes his thugs about their surveillance at the bookstore. He now knows the Mavens have the manuscript. He believes that Max killed both Rusty Becker and the other thug. He still thinks Max has double-crossed him. With Max in jail his attention is now on — the Mavens.
BAD GUYS CLOSE IN
INT. MATTY’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT
David has dinner with his mother, Matty, and the Mavens. Matty gently breaks it to David that the Mavens “stole” the manuscript from Max’s safe.
What is so important about this manuscript that you would risk being arrested – or killed? Matty opens the manuscript case. It’s the Einstein-Besso manuscript worth $15 million.
On his phone David shows the Mavens footage of the auction. They see Max bidding on the manuscript and Randy Becker in the crowd.
David finally reveals to the Mavens the truth about who Max is: Ex-FBI and working for Volkov. The Mavens are dumbfounded but still want to work to clear Max’s name.
David doesn’t want them involved. Says he will put surveillance on them. They want to help trap Volkov.
David relents.
EXT. SUPERMARKET – DAY
Maven Penny exits the hospital. As she approaches her car, she sees a scary looking dude leaning on the front fender. In a thick Russian accent, he relays a message from Volkov to turn over the manuscript. As he leaves, he keys her car. (“Now I’m really mad!”)
INT. MADAN’S ANTIQUES – DAY
Maven Devi approaches a customer in her store. In a thick Russian accent, he relays a message from Volkov to turn over the manuscript. (“You have a nice store. It would be too bad if something happened to it.”) As he leaves, he purposefully knocks over an expensive lamp. It crashes into smithereens. (“Now I’m really mad!”)
EXT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Matty exits the hospital. As she approaches her car, two thugs approach and whisk her into a van. It speeds off.
INT. VOLKOV’S HIDEOUT – DAY
Volkov interrogates Matty. She is just as tough as she looks.
Matty tells Volkov that Max did not kill either of his thugs. They shot each other.
He wants the manuscript.
Matty invites Volkov to dinner at her home. She will turn over the manuscript.
Volkov smiles and accepts. Matty is released.
Volkov, who has yet to produce the manuscript, receives a threatening email from his employer, a powerful, shadowy Russian oligarch.
FINALE
INT. MATTY’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Volkov attends the dinner with the Mavens but brings his thugs to stand guard outside and inside.
Volkov really likes the Mavens. They are his age. He enjoys their company. They laugh at his jokes, and he laughs at theirs.
EXT. MATTY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Unknown to the diners inside a police SWAT team swoops in and dispatches the thugs outside.
INT. MATTY’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Just as Volkov, with a twinge of wistful regret, threatens to kill all the Mavens unless they produce the manuscript…
Matty added a sedative to the chocolate cake and put Volkov and his thugs to sleep.
SWAT charges to the rescue – Volkov is snoring.
Volkov is captured.
RESOLUTION
INT. BITTER BONES BREW PUB – NIGHT
Max and David enter.
All this turmoil has jeopardized Max’s relationship with Matty.
David, at long last, reveals to the Mavens that Max was working with the police in order to apprehend Volkov.
All the questions are answered, and connections are laid out.
Max is exonerated.
David adds one last detail. Since the government was offering a million dollars
for Volkov the Mavens and Max all get to share. -
Barbe Misdirects…When Appropriate!
What I learned was that there is a fair amount of misdirection throughout the map. The exercise did give me the opportunity to dig a bit deeper into the motives of one character, David, the police detective, in particular. That fits neatly into the Map.
Already in place
A. The Red Herring character: Max Middleton
Ø Lies about who he is, his past, working for Volkov, purchasing the manuscript, knowing the dead thief in the alley.
B. The Villain’s plan: Sergei Volkov
Ø Co-opts Max into being his agent and purchasing the manuscript.
C. The cover-up for each mystery presented as “Reality.”
The Mysteries:
· Why did Max really shoot the intruder?
o Nobody knows that Max and the intruder were partners in the FBI.
· What is Max hiding?
o Max is secretly working for Volkov.
· Who is Volkov?
o Volkov hides in the shadows. He sends his thugs to do his work.
· Why does Volkov need the manuscript?
o Only Volkov knows the life-threatening stakes involved in disappointing a powerful Russian oligarch.
NEW
Character Misdirection
I’m not sure if “withholding” could be considered “misdirection” by a character, but David, the police detective, withholds information from his mother, Matty Holmes and the rest of the Mavens. This isn’t a matter of Trust/Distrust. The character puts on a false front almost to the point of being accused of malfeasance. It is all to protect Max Middleton, his main witness.
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Barbe Gives Great Clues!
What I learned was this was an excellent way to think through all the steps of the mysteries. I teased out things that, until now, I didn’t have the answer to. Overt clues are present. The covert clues all seem to happen before the story starts – or are already reveals.
OPENING: Max’s store is broken into
TWIST #1
Direction: Max’s store is “robbed.”
Twist: The thief put something into Max’s safe.
Villain’s Plan 1: Get the manuscript that is still in the safe.
v CLUE: The ex-FBI guy has the manuscript. He’s going to plant it in Max’s safe. He shoots the thug who would have ratted him out to Volkov. He puts the manuscript in the safe. He’s leaving when the thug shoots him.
Life Threatening 1: Break-in at Max’s store.
Life Threatening 2: Gunshots!
Life Threatening 3: Max finds a body in his office.
Life Threatening 4: Max follows the thief into the alley and shoots him.
Mystery 1: Why did Max shoot the intruder?
v CLUE: The ex-FBI agent lunges at Max. Max shoots. The look on his Max’s face hints that he might know this guy. The shot was self-defense.
CATALYST: Matty Holmes receives a distress call from her friend, Max, who has been arrested for murder.
TWIST #2
Direction: Max says he is framed for the murder of the thief in the alley.
Twist: The “thief” is Max’s ex-FBI partner who Max turned into the FBI for wrongdoing.
v Clue: As Max tells the Mavens about “the person who came into the store asking about rare books,” flashback to him talking to the ex-FBI guy. When the guy leaves, Max picks up the phone. Who is he calling?
Villain’s Plan 2: The Mavens come to Max’s aid – but are in the dark about Max’s true background.
v CLUE: When the Mavens arrive at the police station, Max tells them only half the story.
Trust: The Mavens assume that Max is telling the truth about the break-in
Mystery 2: What is Max hiding?
FUN AND GAMES: The investigation begins.
Trust: David is a police detective and Matty’s son. He must have the Mavens wellbeing in mind.
REVEAL 1
· Mystery: What is Max hiding?
· Intrigue: David scans for Max’s fingerprints.
· Reveal: Max is in the system! He’s ex-FBI!
Life Threatening 5: The Mavens start their investigation and are surveilled by Volkov’s thugs.
Distrust: Max withholds information about knowing the thief
REVEAL 2
· Mystery: Who is the thief?
· Intrigue: David scans for the thief’s fingerprints.
· Reveal: He’s in the system. The thief Max shot is his ex-FBI partner.
REVEAL 3
· Mystery: Who shot the thief in Max’s office?
· Intrigue: Hazel’s autopsy reveals the bullet came from Max’s gun.
· Reveal: The ex-FBI guy shot the second thief with Max’s gun.
REVEAL 4
· Mystery: Who is the second thief?
· Intrigue: Hazel removes the second bullet from the ex-FBI guy.
· Reveal: The second bullet is from a Russian gun.
REVEAL 5
· Mystery: Why did the ex-FBI guy appear in Max’s store one day?
· Intrigue: Hazel finds identical gang tattoos on the ex-FBI guy and the dead Russian in Max’s office.
· Reveal: The ex-FBI guy works for Volkov.
Trust: David has the Mavens under surveillance just to make sure they don’t get into too much trouble.
Distrust: The Mavens feel they can do things a bit against the law when the police can’t
REVEAL 6
· Mystery: Can the Mavens help Max?
· Intrigue: Matty, Dev, and Evie “break in” to Max’s store.
· Reveal: In Max’s apartment above the store the Mavens find overdue notices. Max’s is in debt.
REVEAL 7
· Mystery: Why did Volkov choose Max?
· Intrigue: Snooping at Max’s the Mavens find a photo of the ex-FBI guy and Max receiving commendations. An article falls out of a book about Max and his partner being dismissed by the FBI for wrongdoing.
· Reveal: The ex-FBI guy recruited Max for Volkov.
REVEAL 8
· Mystery: Max maintains there is nothing in his safe.
· Intrigue: Devi, amateur safe-cracker, breaks into Max’s safe.
· Reveal: The manuscript
Distrust: The Mavens withhold information from David “until they are sure of the facts.”
REVEAL 9
· Mystery: What does Matty have to tell David?
· Intrigue: David has dinner with the Mavens at Matty’s house.
· Reveal: The Mavens “stole” the manuscript from Max’s safe.
REVEAL 10
· Mystery: Why this manuscript?
· Intrigue: Matty opens the manuscript case?
· Reveal: It’s the Einstein-Besso manuscript worth $15 million.
v CLUE: Volkov needs someone with a legitimate business to purchase the manuscript and thereby launder a great amount of money
TWIST #3
Direction: The police interrogate Max about the break-in. Max says nothing about the contents of the safe.
<s>Twist: </s><s> Devi, one of the Mavens, “gains access” to the store and because of her safe-cracking skills steals the manuscript from the safe</s>. (relocated)<s></s>
MIDPOINT: The Mavens come to the attention of the villain – Sergei Volkov
Mystery 3: Who is Volkov?
Distrust: Max withholds information about working for Volkov.
Villain’s Plan 3: Now the Mavens stand in the way of Volkov.
Distrust: Volkov sends his thugs after the Mavens
TWIST #4
Direction: The Mavens are closing in on the truth about the robbery at Max’s store.
Twist: Volkov is closing in on the Mavens.
<s>Distrust:</s><s> David finally divulges Max’s identity to the Mavens. They are devastated</s>.
BAD GUYS CLOSE IN:
Mystery 4: Why does Volkov need the manuscript?
Life Threatening 6: Max lies about who he is, his past, his reason for purchasing the manuscript, his past connection to the dead ex-FBI agent, and his current connection to Volkov.
Villain’s Plan 4: The Mavens are threatened with kidnapping, their vehicles tampered with, and homes broken into.
Life Threatening 7: The thugs threaten the Mavens by chasing them, tampering with their vehicles, trapping them, and threatening their lives.!
<s>Trust:</s><s> After several near misses, The Mavens sense they will not be harmed.</s>
TWIST #5
Direction: Volkov threatens to kill the Mavens one-by-one.
Twist: Volkov, who has yet to produce the manuscript, is threatened with death by his employer, a powerful, shadowy Russian oligarch.
FINALE:
REVEAL 11
· Mystery: Who is after the Mavens?
· Intrigue: Matty is kidnapped and delivered to Volkov.
· Reveal: It’s the Russians!
Distrust: Volkov’s thugs kidnap Matty and bring her to see Volkov.
Distrust: Volkov wants Matty to turn over the manuscript.
Trust: Volkov lets it slip that the manuscript is in Max’s safe.
<s>Trust:</s><s> Max corroborates Volkov’s information about the contents of the safe.</s>
<s>Trust:</s><s> Max tells them how to slip into the shop</s>
<s>Twist: </s><s> Devi, one of the Mavens, “gains access” to the store and because of her safe-cracking skills steals the manuscript from the safe.</s>
TWIST #6
Villain’s Plan 5 / Direction: Volkov has the Mavens in his grasp.
Life Threatening 9 / Twist: The Mavens turn the tables and invite Volkov to dinner at Matty’s house.
Trust: Matty invites Volkov to dinner at her house. She will turn over the manuscript.
Life Threatening 8: Volkov is threatened with death by his employer – a powerful and shadowy Russian oligarch.
REVEAL 12
· Mystery: Why does Volkov want the manuscript?
· Intrigue: Volkov receives an email “Where is the manuscript?” with a link to a video – of Volkov’s house in flames.
· Reveal: Volkov is working for somebody even more powerful and dangerous.
REVEAL 13
· Mystery: Who stole the manuscript?
· Intrigue: The Mavens and David review footage of the auction and see Max bidding on the manuscript and the ex-FBI guy in the crowd.
· Reveal: Max went to the auction and bought the manuscript.
v CLUE: Max attends the auction and purchases the manuscript.
v CLUE: The manuscript is stolen. Volkov thinks Max has it in his safe.
REVEAL 14
· Mystery: Where’s the manuscript?
· Intrigue: Newspaper headline about the theft of the manuscript from the auction.
· Reveal: When Max went to pick up the manuscript it had been stolen.
REVEAL 15
· Mystery: Why is Max still being held?
· Intrigue: Matty angrily confronts David about doing enough to clear Max.
· Reveal: Max is working for Volkov.
REVEAL 16
· Mystery: Why did Max shoot the ex-FBI guy?
· Intrigue: David relentlessly grills Max.
· Reveal: Max hates his ex-partner for ruining his career and getting him swept up into Volkov’s scheme.
Life Threatening 10: Volkov attends the dinner but brings his thugs to stand guard outside and inside.
Life Threatening 11: Unknown to the diners inside a police SWAT team swoops in and dispatches the thugs outside.
Trust: At dinner the Mavens and Volkov I think he really likes the Mavens. They are the same age. He enjoys their company. They laugh at his jokes, and he laughs at theirs.
TWIST #7
Life Threatening 12 / Direction: Just as Volkov, with a twinge of wistful regret, threatens to kill all the Mavens…
Distrust: Matty adds a sedative to the chocolate cake to put Volkov and his thugs to sleep.
Twist: The Mavens have cooked up something special – that puts Volkov and his thugs to sleep. When SWAT charges to the rescue – Volkov is snoring.
Life Threatening 13: Volkov is captured.
RESOLUTION:
TWIST #8
Life Threatening 14: Max’s store and reputation are lost.
Life Threatening 15 / Direction: All this turmoil destroys Max’s relationship with Matty Holmes, one of the Mavens.
Twist: Max was working for the police in order to apprehend Volkov.
Distrust: David does not divulge to the Mavens, until the very end, that Max was working with the police in order to apprehend Volkov.
REVEAL 17
· Mystery: Why is Max exonerated?
· Intrigue: Max appears at the Bitter Bones to find the Mavens
· Reveal: Max has been working with the police to apprehend Volkov.
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Barbe’s Dramatic Reveals
What I learned was that this technique is an excellent way to identify opportunities to add visual intrigue and depth to the story. Keep asking questions and demanding answers.
OPENING: Max’s store is broken into
TWIST #1
Direction: Max’s store is “robbed.”
Twist: The thief put something into Max’s safe.
Villain’s Plan 1: Get the manuscript that is still in the safe.
Life Threatening 1: Break-in at Max’s store.
Life Threatening 2: Gunshots!
Life Threatening 3: Max finds a body in his office.
Life Threatening 4: Max follows the thief into the alley and shoots him.
Mystery 1: Why did Max shoot the intruder?
CATALYST: Matty Holmes receives a distress call from her friend, Max, who has been arrested for murder.
TWIST #2
Direction: Max says he is framed for the murder of the thief in the alley.
Twist: The “thief” is Max’s ex-FBI partner who Max turned into the FBI for wrongdoing.
Villain’s Plan 2: The Mavens come to Max’s aid – but are in the dark about Max’s true background.
Trust: The Mavens assume that Max is telling the truth about the break-in
Mystery 2: What is Max hiding?
FUN AND GAMES: The investigation begins.
Trust: David is a police detective and Matty’s son. He must have the Mavens wellbeing in mind.
REVEAL 1
· Mystery: What is Max hiding?
· Intrigue: David scans for Max’s fingerprints.
· Reveal: Max is in the system! He’s ex-FBI!
Life Threatening 5: The Mavens start their investigation and are surveilled by Volkov’s thugs.
Distrust: Max withholds information about knowing the thief
REVEAL 2
· Mystery: Who is the thief?
· Intrigue: David scans for the thief’s fingerprints.
· Reveal: He’s in the system. The thief Max shot is his ex-FBI partner.
REVEAL 3
· Mystery: Who shot the thief in Max’s office?
· Intrigue: Hazel’s autopsy reveals the bullet came from Max’s gun.
· Reveal: The ex-FBI guy shot the second thief with Max’s gun.
REVEAL 4
· Mystery: Who is the second thief?
· Intrigue: Hazel removes the second bullet from the ex-FBI guy.
· Reveal: The second bullet is from a Russian gun.
REVEAL 5
· Mystery: Why did the ex-FBI guy appear in Max’s store one day?
· Intrigue: Hazel finds identical gang tattoos on the ex-FBI guy and the dead Russian in Max’s office.
· Reveal: The ex-FBI guy works for Volkov.
Trust: David has the Mavens under surveillance just to make sure they don’t get into too much trouble.
Distrust: The Mavens feel they can do things a bit against the law when the police can’t
REVEAL 6
· Mystery: Can the Mavens help Max?
· Intrigue: Matty, Dev, and Evie “break in” to Max’s store.
· Reveal: In Max’s apartment above the store the Mavens find overdue notices. Max’s is in debt.
REVEAL 7
· Mystery: Why did Volkov choose Max?
· Intrigue: Snooping at Max’s the Mavens find a photo of the ex-FBI guy and Max receiving commendations. An article falls out of a book about Max and his partner being dismissed by the FBI for wrongdoing.
· Reveal: The ex-FBI guy recruited Max for Volkov.
REVEAL 8
· Mystery: Max maintains there is nothing in his safe.
· Intrigue: Devi, amateur safe-cracker, breaks into Max’s safe.
· Reveal: The manuscript
Distrust: The Mavens withhold information from David “until they are sure of the facts.”
REVEAL 9
· Mystery: What does Matty have to tell David?
· Intrigue: David has dinner with the Mavens at Matty’s house.
· Reveal: The Mavens “stole” the manuscript from Max’s safe.
REVEAL 10
· Mystery: Why this manuscript?
· Intrigue: Matty opens the manuscript case?
· Reveal: It’s the Einstein-Besso manuscript worth $15 million.
TWIST #3
Direction: The police interrogate Max about the break-in. Max says nothing about the contents of the safe.
<s>Twist: </s><s> Devi, one of the Mavens, “gains access” to the store and because of her safe-cracking skills steals the manuscript from the safe</s>. (relocated)<s></s>
MIDPOINT: The Mavens come to the attention of the villain – Sergei Volkov
Mystery 3: Who is Volkov?
Distrust: Max withholds information about working for Volkov.
Villain’s Plan 3: Now the Mavens stand in the way of Volkov.
Distrust: Volkov sends his thugs after the Mavens
TWIST #4
Direction: The Mavens are closing in on the truth about the robbery at Max’s store.
Twist: Volkov is closing in on the Mavens.
<s>Distrust:</s><s> David finally divulges Max’s identity to the Mavens. They are devastated</s>.
BAD GUYS CLOSE IN:
Mystery 4: Why does Volkov need the manuscript?
Life Threatening 6: Max lies about who he is, his past, his reason for purchasing the manuscript, his past connection to the dead ex-FBI agent, and his current connection to Volkov.
Villain’s Plan 4: The Mavens are threatened with kidnapping, their vehicles tampered with, and homes broken into.
Life Threatening 7: The thugs threaten the Mavens by chasing them, tampering with their vehicles, trapping them, and threatening their lives.!
<s>Trust:</s><s> After several near misses, The Mavens sense they will not be harmed.</s>
TWIST #5
Direction: Volkov threatens to kill the Mavens one-by-one.
Twist: Volkov, who has yet to produce the manuscript, is threatened with death by his employer, a powerful, shadowy Russian oligarch.
FINALE:
REVEAL 11
· Mystery: Who is after the Mavens?
· Intrigue: Matty is kidnapped and delivered to Volkov.
· Reveal: It’s the Russians!
Distrust: Volkov’s thugs kidnap Matty and bring her to see Volkov.
Distrust: Volkov wants Matty to turn over the manuscript.
Trust: Volkov lets it slip that the manuscript is in Max’s safe.
<s>Trust:</s><s> Max corroborates Volkov’s information about the contents of the safe.</s>
<s>Trust:</s><s> Max tells them how to slip into the shop</s>
<s>Twist: </s><s> Devi, one of the Mavens, “gains access” to the store and because of her safe-cracking skills steals the manuscript from the safe.</s>
TWIST #6
Villain’s Plan 5 / Direction: Volkov has the Mavens in his grasp.
Life Threatening 9 / Twist: The Mavens turn the tables and invite Volkov to dinner at Matty’s house.
Trust: Matty invites Volkov to dinner at her house. She will turn over the manuscript.
Life Threatening 8: Volkov is threatened with death by his employer – a powerful and shadowy Russian oligarch.
REVEAL 12
· Mystery: Why does Volkov want the manuscript?
· Intrigue: Volkov receives an email “Where is the manuscript?” with a link to a video – of Volkov’s house in flames.
· Reveal: Volkov is working for somebody even more powerful and dangerous.
REVEAL 13
· Mystery: Who stole the manuscript?
· Intrigue: The Mavens and David review footage of the auction and see Max bidding on the manuscript and the ex-FBI guy in the crowd.
· Reveal: Max went to the auction and bought the manuscript.
REVEAL 14
· Mystery: Where’s the manuscript?
· Intrigue: Newspaper headline about the theft of the manuscript from the auction.
· Reveal: When Max went to pick up the manuscript it had been stolen.
REVEAL 15
· Mystery: Why is Max still being held?
· Intrigue: Matty angrily confronts David about doing enough to clear Max.
· Reveal: Max is working for Volkov.
REVEAL 16
· Mystery: Why did Max shoot the ex-FBI guy?
· Intrigue: David relentlessly grills Max.
· Reveal: Max hates his ex-partner for ruining his career and getting him swept up into Volkov’s scheme.
Life Threatening 10: Volkov attends the dinner but brings his thugs to stand guard outside and inside.
Life Threatening 11: Unknown to the diners inside a police SWAT team swoops in and dispatches the thugs outside.
Trust: At dinner the Mavens and Volkov I think he really likes the Mavens. They are the same age. He enjoys their company. They laugh at his jokes, and he laughs at theirs
TWIST #7
Life Threatening 12 / Direction: Just as Volkov, with a twinge of wistful regret, threatens to kill all the Mavens…
Distrust: Matty adds a sedative to the soup to put Volkov and his thugs to sleep.
Twist: The Mavens have cooked up something special – that puts Volkov and his thugs to sleep. When SWAT charges to the rescue – Volkov is snoring.
Life Threatening 13: Volkov is captured.
RESOLUTION:
TWIST #8
Life Threatening 14: Max’s store and reputation are lost.
Life Threatening 15 / Direction: All this turmoil destroys Max’s relationship with Matty Holmes, one of the Mavens.
Twist: Max was working for the police in order to apprehend Volkov.
Distrust: David does not divulge to the Mavens, until the very end, that Max was working with the police in order to apprehend Volkov.
REVEAL 17
· Mystery: Why is Max exonerated?
· Intrigue: Max appears at the Bitter Bones to find the Mavens
· Reveal: Max has been working with the police to apprehend Volkov.
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Barbe’s Trust Relationships
What I learned doing this assignment is that asking questions does produce some surprises and revelations. I also realize that Act 2 needs A LOT more work because I have yet to identify the specific clues that my characters ferret out to solve the mystery.
OPENING: Max’s store is broken into
TWIST #1
Direction: Max’s store is “robbed.”
Twist: The thief put something into Max’s safe.
Villain’s Plan 1: Get the manuscript that is still in the safe.
Life Threatening 1: Break-in at Max’s store.
Life Threatening 2: Gunshots!
Life Threatening 3: Max finds a body in his office.
Life Threatening 4: Max follows the thief into the alley and shoots him.
Mystery 1: Why did Max shoot the intruder?
CATALYST: Matty Holmes receives a distress call from her friend, Max, who has been arrested for murder.
TWIST #2
Direction: Max says he is framed for the murder of the thief in the alley.
Twist: The “thief” is Max’s ex-FBI partner who Max turned into the FBI for wrongdoing.
Villain’s Plan 2: The Mavens come to Max’s aid – but are in the dark about Max’s true background.
Trust: The Mavens assume that Max is telling the truth about the break-in
Mystery 2: What is Max hiding?
FUN AND GAMES: The investigation begins.
Trust: David is a police detective and Matty’s son. He must have the Mavens wellbeing in mind.
Life Threatening 5: The Mavens start their investigation and are surveilled by Volkov’s thugs.
Distrust: Max withholds information about knowing the thief
Trust: David has the Mavens under surveillance just to make sure they don’t get into too much trouble.
Distrust: The Mavens feel they can do things a bit against the law when the police can’t
TWIST #3
Direction: The police interrogate Max about the break-in. Max says nothing about the contents of the safe.
<s>Twist: </s><s> Devi, one of the Mavens, “gains access” to the store and because of her safe-cracking skills steals the manuscript from the safe</s>. (relocated)<s></s>
Distrust: The Mavens withhold information from David “until they are sure of the facts.”
MIDPOINT: The Mavens come to the attention of the villain – Sergei Volkov
Mystery 3: Who is Volkov?
Distrust: Max withholds information about working for Volkov.
Villain’s Plan 3: Now the Mavens stand in the way of Volkov.
Distrust: Volkov sends his thugs after the Mavens
TWIST #4
Direction: The Mavens are closing in on the truth about the robbery at Max’s store.
Twist: Volkov is closing in on the Mavens.
Distrust: David finally divulges Max’s identity to the Mavens. They are devastated.
BAD GUYS CLOSE IN:
Mystery 4: Why does Volkov need the manuscript?
Life Threatening 6: Max lies about who he is, his past, his reason for purchasing the manuscript, his past connection to the dead ex-FBI agent, and his current connection to Volkov.
Villain’s Plan 4: The Mavens are threatened with kidnapping, their vehicles tampered with, and homes broken into.
Life Threatening 7: The thugs threaten the Mavens by chasing them, tampering with their vehicles, trapping them, and threatening their lives.
Life Threatening 8: Volkov is threatened with death by his employer – a powerful and shadowy Russian oligarch.
Trust: After several near misses, The Mavens sense they will not be harmed.
TWIST #5
Direction: Volkov threatens to kill the Mavens one-by-one.
Twist: Volkov, who has yet to produce the manuscript, is threatened with death by his employer, a powerful, shadowy Russian oligarch.
FINALE:
Distrust: Volkov’s thugs kidnap Matty and bring her to see Volkov.
Distrust: Volkov wants Matty to turn over the manuscript.
Trust: Volkov lets it slip that the manuscript is in Max’s safe.
Trust: Max corroborates Volkov’s information about the contents of the safe.
Trust: Max tells them how to slip into the shop
Twist: Devi, one of the Mavens, “gains access” to the store and because of her safe-cracking skills steals the manuscript from the safe.
TWIST #6
Villain’s Plan 5 / Direction: Volkov has the Mavens in his grasp.
Life Threatening 9 / Twist: The Mavens turn the tables and invite Volkov to dinner at Matty’s house.
Trust: Matty invites Volkov to dinner at her house. She will turn over the manuscript.
Life Threatening 10: Volkov attends the dinner but brings his thugs to stand guard outside and inside.
Life Threatening 11: Unknown to the diners inside a police SWAT team swoops in and dispatches the thugs outside.
Trust: At dinner the Mavens and Volkov I think he really likes the Mavens. They are the same age. He enjoys their company. They laugh at his jokes, and he laughs at theirs
TWIST #7
Life Threatening 12 / Direction: Just as Volkov, with a twinge of wistful regret, threatens to kill all the Mavens…
Distrust: Matty adds a sedative to the soup to put Volkov and his thugs to sleep.
Twist: The Mavens have cooked up something special – that puts Volkov and his thugs to sleep. When SWAT charges to the rescue – Volkov is snoring.
Life Threatening 13: Volkov is captured.
RESOLUTION:
TWIST #8
Life Threatening 14: Max’s store and reputation are lost.
Life Threatening 15 / Direction: All this turmoil destroys Max’s relationship with Matty Holmes, one of the Mavens.
Twist: Max was working for the police in order to apprehend Volkov.
Distrust: David does not divulge to the Mavens, until the very end, that Max was working with the police in order to apprehend Volkov.
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Barbe’s Twists and Turns
What I learned is that because I am attempting a Comedy Thriller applying the Twist Technique is a great way to find opportunities to inject a bit of humor.
OPENING: Max’s store is broken into
Direction: Max’s store is “robbed.”
Twist: The thief put something into Max’s safe.
Villain’s Plan 1: Get the manuscript that is still in the safe.
Life Threatening 1: Break-in at Max’s store.
Life Threatening 2: Gunshots!
Life Threatening 3: Max finds a body in his office.
Life Threatening 4: Max follows the thief into the alley and shoots him.
Mystery 1: Why did Max shoot the intruder?
CATALYST: Matty Holmes receives a distress call from her friend, Max, who has been arrested for murder.
Direction: Max says he is framed for the murder of the thief in the alley.
Twist: The “thief” is Max’s ex-FBI partner who Max turned into the FBI for wrongdoing.
Villain’s Plan 2: The Mavens come to Max’s aid – but are in the dark about Max’s true background.
Mystery 2: What is Max hiding?
FUN AND GAMES: The investigation begins.
Life Threatening 5: The Mavens start their investigation and are surveilled by Volkov’s thugs.
TWIST #3
Direction: The police interrogate Max about the break-in. Max says nothing about the contents of the safe.
Twist: Devi, one of the Mavens, “gains access” to the store and because of her safe-cracking skills steals the manuscript from the safe.
MIDPOINT: The Mavens come to the attention of the villain – Sergei Volkov
Mystery 3: Who is Volkov?
Villain’s Plan 3: Now the Mavens stand in the way of Volkov.
TWIST #4
Direction: The Mavens are closing in on the truth about the robbery at Max’s store.
Twist: Volkov is closing in on the Mavens.
BAD GUYS CLOSE IN:
Mystery 4: Why does Volkov need the manuscript?
Life Threatening 6: Max lies about who he is, his past, his reason for purchasing the manuscript, his past connection to the dead ex-FBI agent, and his current connection to Volkov.
Villain’s Plan 4: The Mavens are threatened with kidnapping, their vehicles tampered with, and homes broken into.
Life Threatening 7: The thugs threaten the Mavens by chasing them, tampering with their vehicles, trapping them, and threatening their lives.
Life Threatening 8: Volkov is threatened with death by his employer – a powerful and shadowy Russian oligarch.
TWIST #5
Direction: Volkov threatens to kill the Mavens one-by-one.
Twist: Volkov, who has yet to produce the manuscript, is threatened with death by his employer, a powerful, shadowy Russian oligarch.
FINALE:
TWIST #6
Villain’s Plan 5 / Direction: Volkov has the Mavens in his grasp.
Life Threatening 9 / Twist: The Mavens turn the tables and invite Volkov to dinner at Matty’s house.
Life Threatening 10: Volkov attends the dinner but brings his thugs to stand guard outside and inside.
Life Threatening 11: Unknown to the diners inside a police SWAT team swoops in and dispatches the thugs outside.
TWIST #7
Life Threatening 12 / Direction: Just as Volkov, with a twinge of wistful regret, threatens to kill all the Mavens…
Twist: The Mavens have cooked up something special – that puts Volkov and his thugs to sleep. When SWAT charges to the rescue – Volkov is snoring.
Life Threatening 13: Volkov is captured.
RESOLUTION:
TWIST #8
Life Threatening 14: Max’s store and reputation are lost.
Life Threatening 15 / Direction: All this turmoil destroys Max’s relationship with Matty Holmes, one of the Mavens.
Twist: Max was working for the police in order to apprehend Volkov.
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Barbe’s Thriller Plot
What I learned is that the technique works! It’s still bare bones but creates a good foundation from which to craft the story.
OPENING: Max’s store is broken into
Villain’s Plan 1: Get the manuscript that is still in the safe.
Life Threatening 1: Break-in at Max’s store.
Life Threatening 2: Gunshots!
Life Threatening 3: Max finds a body in his office.
Life Threatening 4: Max follows the thief into the alley and shoots him.
Mystery 1: Why did Max shoot the intruder?
CATALYST: Matty Holmes receives a distress call from her friend, Max, who has been arrested for murder.
Villain’s Plan 2: The Mavens come to Max’s aid – but are in the dark about Max’s true background.
Mystery 2: What is Max hiding?
FUN AND GAMES: The investigation begins.
Life Threatening 5: The Mavens start their investigation and are surveilled by Volkov’s thugs.
MIDPOINT: The Mavens come to the attention of the villain – Sergei Volkov
Mystery 3: Who is Volkov?
Villain’s Plan 3: Now the Mavens stand in the way of Volkov.
BAD GUYS CLOSE IN:
Mystery 4: Why does Volkov need the manuscript?
Villain’s Plan 4: The Mavens are threatened with kidnapping, their vehicles tampered with, and homes broken into.
Life Threatening 6: The thugs threaten the Mavens by chasing them, tampering with their vehicles, trapping them, and threatening their lives.
Life Threatening 7: Max lies about who he is, his past, his reason for purchasing the manuscript, his past connection to the dead ex-FBI agent, and his current connection to Volkov.
Life Threatening 8: Volkov is threatened with death by his employer – a powerful and shadowy Russian oligarch.
FINALE:
Villain’s Plan 5: Volkov needs to take out the Mavens one-by-one.
Life Threatening 9: The Mavens turn the tables and invite Sergei to dinner at Matty’s house.
Life Threatening 10: Sergei attends the dinner but brings his thugs to stand guard outside and inside.
Life Threatening 11: Unknown to the diners inside a police SWAT team swoops in and dispatches the thugs outside.
Life Threatening 12: Just as Sergei, with a twinge of wistful regret, threatens to kill all the Mavens, the SWAT team breaks in and overpowers the thugs inside.
Life Threatening 13: Sergei is captured.
Life Threatening 14: All this turmoil destroys Max’s relationship with Matty Holmes, one of the Mavens.
Life Threatening 15: Max’s store and reputation are lost.
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Barbe’s Life Threatening Sequence
What I learned is that using the list made for a very efficient process to identify all the jeopardy that the Hero(es) could face. The list helped to pull the story together.
1. What is the
Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?– Volkov wants the manuscript.
– The Mavens get in his way, and he sends his thugs to threaten, harm and
perhaps kill them, one-by-one.2. What other potential
dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and
confront the Villain?– In Act 2 the Mavens begin hunting for clues to help exonerate their friend
Max.
– This activity brings the Mavens to the attention of the villain, Sergei
Volkov.
– Sergei must get the manuscript in Max’s store.
– In Act 3 Sergei turns the tables on the Mavens. Surveillance turns to
intimidation.4. Sequence the dangers in order and make a list.
· Break-in at Max’s store
· Gunshots!
· Max finds a body in his office.
· Max follows the thief into the alley and shoots him.
· Max is arrested.
· The Mavens start their investigation and are surveilled by Volkov’s thugs.
· The thugs threaten the Mavens by chasing them, tampering with their vehicles, trap them, and threaten their lives.
· Max lies about who he is, his past, his reason for purchasing the manuscript, his past connection to the dead ex-FBI agent, and his current connection to Volkov.
· All this turmoil destroys Max’s relationship with Matty Holmes, one of the Mavens.
· Max’s store and reputation are lost.
· Volkov is threatened with death by his employer – a powerful and shadowy Russian oligarch.
· In Act 4, the Mavens turn the tables and invite Sergei to dinner at Matty’s house. (This is a comedy after all.)
· Sergei attends the dinner but brings his thugs to stand guard outside and inside.
· Unknown to the diners inside a police SWAT team swoops in and dispatches the thugs outside.
· Just as Sergei, with a twinge of wistful regret, threatens to kill all the Mavens, the SWAT team breaks in overpowers the thugs inside.
· Sergei is captured.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Barbe LaPierre.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by
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Barbe’s Mystery Sequence
What I learned is that in order to reverse engineer one must ask the right questions to begin with. This was a tricky assignment.
1. What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?
· Volkov needs the manuscript as a way to launder money.
2. How many ways can they cover that secret? Those become the mysteries.
The Mysteries:
· Why did Max really shoot the intruder?
· What is Max hiding?
· Who is Volkov?
· Why does Volkov need the manuscript?
3. The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it.
· The Mavens rush to Max’s aid when he is arrested.
4. Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one. Include ONE Red Herring mystery if you can.
· Max is the red herring.
5. Create a Mystery Chain for each main mystery.
Mystery Chain #1 – Why did Max shoot the intruder?
· Max wakes up in the middle of the night to a disturbance in the shop below.
· When he investigates, he finds a body in his office.
· He goes to grab his gun, but it’s gone.
· He hears a disturbance in the alley and finds another person shot. Does he recognize him? Max picks up the gun, the man lunges. Max shoots.
Mystery Chain #2 – What is Max hiding?
· Max purchases a manuscript
· Max puts in his safe
· Max does not tell the police or the Mavens about the manuscript.
· Max is ex-FBI.
· Max hides the fact that the intruder is an ex-FBI agent with whom Max worked.
· Max turned in the other agent for illegal activity.
Mystery Chain #3 – Who is Volkov?
· Volkov’s thugs “visit” Max’s store.
· Max goes to an auction to purchase a manuscript – that he cannot afford.
· Max purchased the manuscript for Volkov.
· Max hides the manuscript in the safe.
· Max plans to double-cross Volkov.
Mystery Chain #4 – Why does Volkov need the manuscript?
· Volkov’s thugs threaten Max.
· Volkov’s thugs pursue, intimidate, threaten, and harm the Mavens.
· Volkov’s life is threatened by the Oligarch he is working for.
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Barbe’s Villain Has a Great Plan!
What I learned is that this process is brilliant! — and fun. Until I worked through the process, I didn’t really know where the story was going to go. Now it’s coming together.
1. What is the end goal?
· Volkov gets the manuscript as a way to launder money.
2. How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?
· Co-opt Max into acting as Volkov’s agent and purchasing the manuscript at auction.
3.How can they cover it up?
· Max has a spotless record and great reputation. He will not be suspected.
4. Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.
· Disgraced ex-FBI agent, who unbeknownst to Volkov has a grudge against Max, suggests to Volkov to use Max to procure the manuscript.
· Volkov enlists Max’s aid by offering to pay off all his debts.
· When Max declines, Volkov threatens Max with destroying his store.
· Max attends the auction and purchases the manuscript.
· Max believes he can double-cross Volkov.
· Before Max can implement his plan, his store is broken into. He is arrested for murdering the FBI agent and lands in jail.
· The manuscript is still in the safe.
· The Mavens come to Max’s aid – but are in the dark about Max’s true background.
· Now the Mavens stand in the way of Volkov.
· Volkov needs to take out the Mavens one-by-one.
· The Mavens are threatened with kidnapping, their vehicles tampered with, and homes broken into.
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Assignment 4 Part 1
Barbe’s BASIC INSTINCT Stacking Suspense
1. I opted to read the script rather than watch the movie. I didn’t want violent images stuck in my brain. Reading descriptions is more benign. The story – on the page – is sparse although written at a time when, it seems, “wrylies” were okay. Without those – the script would have been 20 pages shorter.
2. It is important to immerse yourself in the World that you are writing about. In BI The characters had a shorthand way of communicating. I kept thinking “this is what they will say next.” Then they would say something so cryptic it seemed like a leap in logic. Because Nick and Gus are in that World they know what comes next. That leaves the audience on the outside of solving the mystery.
3. I’m still trying to tease out a simple way of differentiating the differences between Mystery, Intrigue and Suspense when analyzing each scene. What I came up with was that Mystery is the big question posed in the scene. Intrigue is the way the mystery is presented – setting, characters, action – the mechanics of the mystery. Suspense is the way it makes the audience feel. What’s the emotion elicited in the scene. Anyway, that’s the way I’m interpreting it.
Assignment 4 Part 2
Barbe’s BOURNE IDENTITY Stacking Suspense
1. Again, I’m reading the script instead of watching the movie. The script – on the page – is amazing. Great action writing.
2. This analysis takes an enormous amount of time. I’m halfway through. It’s an immensely rewarding experience. I will continue until finished. I’m posting now because I didn’t want to fall behind.
3. Intrigue is the most compelling aspect of Thrillers. From the myriad choices a writer can make of how to stage a scene, creating something that not only carries the mystery but also evokes an emotion is a challenge but very rewarding when done well.
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Barbe’s World and Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is I’m starting to tease out the difference between Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense
CONCEPT and the Big M.I.S
Logline/Pilot Episode: When the owner of a mystery bookstore is arrested for murder, the members of the Mystery Mavens Book Club step up to investigate and clear their friend’s name.
Big Mystery: What were the two guys doing in Max’s office? Who were they? Why were they there? Surprising motives and reveals.
Big Intrigue: What were these guys after? Were they working on their own? Who is Max – really? Why has he hidden his past? Why would somebody frame Max?
Big Suspense: These guys were obviously working for somebody else. That somebody else is still after whatever it is that was in Max’s safe. The Mavens are in danger because whoever is pulling the strings is not going to stop until s/he gets what’s in the safe. S/he will go through anyone who gets in his/her way: Max, The Mavens – one by one, even David.
WORLD: Art Crime with hints of organized crime, money laundering, and smuggling.
CHARACTERS
HEROES: The Mavens – 7 resourceful book club members who want to help their friend and resolve to use their deep knowledge of crime (albeit fictional) to solve the case.
Mystery: How could
their friend be tangled up with this villain?Intrigue: How will they
use their wit and wisdom to outwit a mastermind?
Suspense: Will they be
able to solve the crime in the face of personal danger?RED HERRING: Max Middleton – owner of Whodunitz the mystery bookstore
Mystery: Who is
he—really?
Intrigue: Why is he
keeping his past a secret? How does he get mixed up with the villain?
Suspense: Is he guilty?
The villain will stop at nothing to get his/her hands on what Max is
hiding.VILLAIN: (no name — yet)
Mystery: Why does s/he
covet whatever is in Max’s safe?
Intrigue: The villain’s
motive is imbedded in a web of conspiracy.
Suspense: Very likely to
go after the Mavens – one by one in myriad ways. -
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s a mystery – but can it be thrilling?
Barbe’s BIG M.I.S.
TITLE: Mystery Mavens
Logline/Pilot Episode: When the owner of a mystery bookstore is arrested for murder, the members of the Mystery Mavens Book Club step up to investigate and clear their friend’s name.
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: The Mystery Mavens, steeped in the investigative techniques of countless fictional detectives, resolve to track down the truth.
Dangerous Villain: No name yet – but someone who will stop at nothing to get what s/he wants. And what s/he wants is in Max’s safe.
High stakes: Two murders have occurred. If the Mavens go poking around, will they be next? Will Max be sentenced for a crime he didn’t commit?
Life and death situations: Possibly… kidnapping, vehicles tampered with, break-ins…
This story is thrilling because rather than muscle, these dizzy dames employ wit, wisdom, and chocolate cake.
Big Mystery: What were the two guys doing in Max’s office? Who were they? Why were they there? Surprising motives and reveals.
Big Intrigue: What were these guys after? Were they working on their own? Who is Max – really? Why has he hidden his past? Why would somebody frame Max?
Big Suspense: These guys were obviously working for somebody else. That somebody else is still after whatever it is that was in Max’s safe. The Mavens are in danger because whoever is pulling the strings is not going to stop until s/he gets what’s in the safe. S/he will go through anyone who gets in his/her way: Max, The Mavens – one by one, even David.
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What I learned doing this assignment is that this is going to be a fun ride.
KNIGHT AND DAY Thriller Conventions
Unwitting but resourceful Hero: CIA Agent Roy Miller, assigned to protect inventor, Simon Feck, and his invention, the Zephyr battery, is accused of going rogue when he steals the battery and hides the inventor because Miller knows that his partner Fitz intends to sell the invention and the inventor to an arms dealer.
Dangerous Villain: CIA Agent John Fitzgerald (“Fitz”) sends a team onto the plane to retrieve the Zephyr battery and to kill Roy (and June) if necessary. Fitz, who was going to steal the battery himself, framed Roy for the theft. Roy is also pursued by arms dealer Antonio Quintana. Fitz kidnaps Simon to deliver him to Quintana.
High stakes: Roy’s life. June’s life. Simon’s life and the future of mankind because the Zephyr battery will fall into the hands of terrorists.
Life and death situations: Car chases, shootouts, plane crashes
This movie is thrilling because? The good guys turn out to be the bad guys. Poor June, who more than once is drugged and is in and out of consciousness as Roy helps them escape some life-or-death situation, never knows who to trust. It’s a whirlwind, round-the-world chase.
Big Mystery: Is Roy a good guy or a bad guy?
Big Intrigue: Will Roy successfully get the Zephyr battery and its inventor to safety? And June to her sister’s wedding?
Big Suspense: Will Roy, June and Simon survive?
Even though this movie has its share of shootouts, car chases and life-threatening situations, I chose it because the leads are a bit quirky and charming – even screwball – which is the tone I’m going for.
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Barbe LaPierre
I agree to the terms of this release form.
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Hello all!
Barbe LaPierre
My early start was writing and producing historical documentaries. Since then, I have written 5 features and 1 pilot.
I took Hal’s AI class in which Chat GPT generated a fun Comedy-Thriller concept. I’ve been working on it since then. The Thriller Class came along at exactly the right time.
Happy to be here!
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Thanks Brent. These look very interesting. Can’t wait to try them out.
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Barbe’s Finished Act 3
What I learned doing this assignment is I love using this technique. Get it on the page. Fix it the next time around. Once it’s on the page everything else is just editing.
• Rule 1: Use empowering self-talk. A. Consistently use.
• Rule 2: Understand writing in drafts. A. Consistently use.
• Rule 3: Choose speed over quality for EARLY drafts. A. Consistently use.
• Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue) without all the answers. A. Consistently use.
• Rule 5: Keep moving. Don’t allow yourself to ever stall out. A. Consistently use. (Keep going!)
• Rule 6: Even if you can’t create it now, you will be able to at some point in the future! A. Consistently use. -
Barbe’s Finished Act 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that following the HSW Rules is incredibly helpful.
• Rule 1: Use empowering self-talk. A. Consistently use.
• Rule 2: Understand writing in drafts. A. Consistently use.
• Rule 3: Choose speed over quality for EARLY drafts. A. Consistently use.
• Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue) without all the answers. A. Consistently use. This one is soooo hard to do. But I left notes instead of trying to figure it all out.
• Rule 5: Keep moving. Don’t allow yourself to ever stall out. A. Consistently use. (Love this!)
• Rule 6: Even if you can’t create it now, you will be able to at some point in the future! A. Consistently use. (Love the way the brain works!) -
Excellent! Can’t wait to find out what happens next!
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Excellent! See you in the next class. I think I’ll bring in something sci-fi so I’ll be interested in your expert opinion.
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Hi Peter,
Thanks for providing feedback on my Thriller Map. Great insights!
Now it’s on to Hal’s BWTV w/AI class on Saturday. Wish me luck! -
Excellent feedback! Great observations! I will make the recommended changes and repost for Round 3.
Thanks,
Barbe -
Thanks Diane. I just sent you Version 2.
Barbe