Robert Bland
Forum Replies Created
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Lenore Bechtel
Reply Your Query Letter Draft One
Hey, Lenore.
Thanks for your thoughtful comments on Doc Band-Aid. I really appreciate you taking the time. Nice work on boiling down the central hooks a little more.
Concerning Sweetie Heaven….
How can Meredith sing her own style, not alienate her Sweet Adeline family, remain a virgin, and not lose her horny boyfriend?
I reworked your opening hook, hoping to maybe tighten it a little bit.
Meredith is an interesting comedic character that we would have fun following.
I think you might consider the flow of the query. There seem to be a lot of moving parts that are a little difficult to follow. Maybe consider boiling it down some. Concentrating on the Meredith/Quincy story might be a thought.
Perhaps I’m wrong, but I think maybe you told the whole story, rather than leaving us with a hook that would want us to say “What happens next?” Maybe the hook has to do with “Biblical Brushoff,” leaving Quincy wondering what he’s ever going to do to win Meredith’s love? Make us want to read more.
I’m not sure that you need to talk about the casting and box office appeal in a query letter.
Finally, I really liked how you worked some humor into the query. Nice job! Hope this helps, if only a little…. Bob
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Bob Bland…. Query Letter Draft One
Learned? Hooks and editing things down are key.
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I met you on Clubhouse where you said you were looking for drama/romance scripts and thought you might enjoy <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Doc Band-Aid.
Can two broken people once deeply in love reconnect fourteen years later, heal under difficult circumstances, and love again?
Devastated by his final days in the war, after witnessing both the bombing of his Vietnamese fiancé’s village and the battlefield death of his fellow medic and best friend, Frank “Doc Band-Aid” was changed forever.
Fourteen years later and destitute, he is shocked to see Tam, who he thought was dead, handing out sandwiches to the homeless. He is blindsided when, heartbroken, she angrily accuses him of abandoning her in Vietnam and orders him to leave. Additionally, she accepts the marriage proposal from a man she feels can offer her safety and stability. Believing any chance of ever reuniting with Tam is all but impossible, Frank discovers a drawing of his that Tam kept from Vietnam and senses there is still hope…
I met with and interviewed veterans to bring dimension and authenticity to this story. Additionally, I refined the script with notes and feedback from industry experts. Finally, a table read was held with professional actors to ensure the fluency of the dialogue.
If you like the concept, I’d be honored to send you the script.
Respectfully,
Bob Bland, 29177 Flowerpark Dr., Canyon Country, CA 91387; bobeblue@sbcglobal.net; 323.775.7617
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Bob Bland… TARGET MARKET
Learned? How to use IMDb to garner more producer leads for my project by researching similar movies with similar production budgets and the actors that might play in my particular movie.
Doc Band-Aid. Drama/romance
Logline: Set in the late ‘70s, when a traumatized, homeless vet catches a glimpse of his Vietnamese fiancé who he thought died in the war, he is driven to try for one, last improbable chance at happiness, only to discover that she is unwilling to risk falling in love again.
MOVIES: Manchester by the Sea, Brooklyn, When a Man Loves a Woman, Forest Gump. Silver Linings Playbook. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Blue Valentine. Once. Born on the Fourth of July
ACTORS: Ryan Gosling, Chris Evins, Chris Pratt, Chris Hemsworth, Tom Holland, Timothee Chalamet
Blue Valentine. 1M
Doug Dey..EP
Cassian Elwes…EP
Carrie Fix… Co Prod
Ryan Gosling…EP
*Lynette Howell Taylor..Prod
Jack Lechner…EP (The Fog of War)
*Alex Orlovsky…Prod
Scott Osman…EP
*Jamie Patricof…Prod
Rena Ronson..Co EP…..(Promising Young Woman)
Michelle Williams…EP (My Week with Marilyn)
Derek Cianfrance….director
THE LIGHT BETWEEN OCEANS…producers
–Rosie Alison…EP…Paddington
–Holly Bario…Co Prod
–Jeffrey Clifford…Prod…. Up in the Air
–David Heyman…Prod…Gravity
–Tom Karnowski…EP…. Knives Out
–Jonathan King…EP…The Light Between Oceans
–Jeff Skoll…. EP…. The Help
MANCHESTER BY THE SEA… 9M
–Declan Baldwin…EP
–Lauren Beck…Prod
–Matt Damon…Prod
–Josh Godfrey…. EP
–John Krasinski
–Bill Migliore…EP
–Chris Moore…Prod
–Kimberly Steward…Prod
–Kevin J. Walsh…Prod
Kenneth Lonergan…director
Gangs of New York
–Alberto Grimaldi
Analyze That
–Len Amato… EP
–Bruce Berman… EP
–Chris Brigham… EP
–Barry Levinson…EP
–Jane Rosenthal… P
You Can Count on Me… 1.2M
–Steve Carlis… EP
–Donald C Carter… EP
–Barbara De Fina… P
–John Hart… P
–Larry Meistrich… P
–Martin Scorsese… EP
–Jeffrey Sharp… P
–Morton Swinsky… EP
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind… 20M
–George Bermann…EP
–Anthony Bregman… P
–David L. Bushell…EP
–Steve Golin… P
–Charlie Kaufman…EP
–Glenn Williamson…EP
Michael Gondry…director
The Science of Sleep… 6M
–George Bermann… P
–Michael Gondry… P
–Frederic Junqua… P
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Bob Bland’s Query Letter…
Learned? Get to the point, be professional, and get out.
I met you on Clubhouse where you said you were looking for drama/romance scripts. I thought you might enjoy Doc Band-Aid.
Can two emotionally wounded people confront their past, heal, and love again?
Devastated by his final days in the war, after witnessing both the bombing of the local village where the love of his life lived and the battlefield death of his fellow medic and best friend, Frank was changed forever.
He gave up on his dream of being an artist and now, ten years later, he is the glue that holds together a ragtag group of homeless vets, all haunted by memories they harbor from the war.
When Frank did not return from a mission, Tam believed he had abandoned her and their dreams for a future together, leaving her heartbroken. She eventually escaped to the United States. Tam went to college but gave up on her plans for medical school to help run her family’s struggling market. When a man who offers safety and stability proposes, Tam accepts. <s></s>
I met with and interviewed veterans to bring dimension and authenticity to this story. I refined the script with notes and feedback from industry experts. A table read with professional actors was held to ensure the dialogue was fluent.
If you like the concept, I’d be honored to send you the script.
Respectfully,
Bob Bland, 29177 Flowerpark Dr., Canyon Country, CA 91387; bobeblue@sbcglobal.net; 323.775.7617
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Bob Bland… PITCH FEST PITCH
Learned? How to organize a pitch, and understand what producers really want.
Hi, I’m Bob Bland. In preparation for writing this script, I interviewed multiple veterans and refugees from the Vietnam War and attended their cemetery memorials.
Today I have a drama/romance. My title is Doc Band-Aid.
Can two emotionally wounded people confront their past, heal, and love again?
It’s a low-budget film.
I feel it’s a great role for someone like Ryan Gosling, maybe Chris Evans.
Prologue…
Devastated by his final days in the war, having witnessed both the bombing of the village where the love of his life lived and the battlefield death of his fellow medic and best friend, Frank was changed forever.
Act 1…
Now fifteen years later, back in the United States, Frank is traumatized and homeless. One day, waking up from a drunken stupor, he spots what he thinks is a Vietnamese woman spreading flowers on the ocean and decides to follow her.
Act 2…
Shocked to find out she is Tam, his fiancé from the war, he is soon devastated to find out that she wants nothing to do with him, telling him she believes he abandoned her when he didn’t return from a mission. Furthermore, she is now engaged to a successful doctor.
Despite this, she encourages Frank to pursue the art career he once dreamed about during the war. He is soon to get rejected when an art gallery tells him his art lack depth and heart.
Frank tries to tell Tam what really happened on the battlefield when he witnessed the death of his best friend but senses all is lost when she tells him she could never get back with him, fearing he might again leave her.
Act 3…
Now knowing he must get on with his life, Frank redoubles his efforts and returns to the gallery with artwork that evokes heart and emotion. At an art exhibition featuring his work, he is elated to see Tam. Both viewing Frank’s painting of the battlefield death of his best friend and finally understanding and accepting what really happened, they rip off their emotional band-aids and kiss, both now hopeful for their future together.
I refined the script with notes and feedback from industry experts. A table read was held with professional actors to ensure the dialogue was fluent.
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Bob Bland… Phone Pitch
Learned? The importance of being concise when pitching on the phone.
Hi, I’m Bob Bland. I’ve interviewed over 20 war veterans and medics as well as refugees from the Vietnam era. I have a drama/romance titled Doc Band-Aid.
I’m wondering if I could run a quick logline by you?
It answers the question: Can two emotionally wounded people confront their past, heal, and love again?
When a traumatized homeless vet catches a glimpse of his Vietnamese fiancé who he believed died in the war, he is driven to try for one, last improbable chance at happiness, only to discover that she is unwilling to risk ever falling in love again.
The movie falls in the $1-2M budget range.
I feel this is a great role for an actor like Ryan Gosling, maybe Chris Evans.
The script runs 113 pages.
The script has been vetted by top screenwriting consultants around town and has been table read by professional actors to ensure the dialogue was fluent.
Your film (name) is in the same genre and budget range. I called knowing your company likes to do gritty, character-driven stories that touch the heart.
The story ends in an art gallery when the two leads meet and finally understand and accept what really happened during the war, which allows them to finally rip off their emotional band-aids and kiss, both now hopeful for their future back together.
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Bob Bland…. Synopsis Hooks…
Learned? The hooks are what attract a reader, making the story more interesting with each line purposeful in drawing the reader’s interest.
Title: Doc Band-Aid
Written by Bob Bland
Genre: drama/romance
HOOKS:
–Frank, traumatized, homeless vet, spots a Vietnamese woman spreading flowers on the ocean.
–He is shocked to find out Tam is his fiancé from the war whom he thought was dead.
–He is blindsided when she angrily tells him he abandoned her in Vietnam and tells him to leave.
–She softens when she finds a drawing he left of their favorite spot in Vietnam.
–Frank is shocked to find out she has a Chinese doctor boyfriend
–At a family get-together, he is devastated to find out she is now engaged. But he still holds out hope, finding an old drawing of his she kept from Vietnam.
–She encourages him to pursue his art, but he tells her he loves her and wants more. She pleads for time to sort out her true feelings.
SYNOPSIS:
On the beach, after waking up from a drunken hangover, Frank, traumatized from the war and homeless, is intrigued to see a Vietnamese woman spreading flowers on the water and decides to follow her.
Thinking Tam, his former Vietnamese fiancé was dead, he is shocked to spot her handing out sandwiches at a breadline behind a market and runs away, afraid and embarrassed to approach her.
But going back to the market to hopefully talk with Tam, Frank is blindsided when she angrily tells him he abandoned her in Vietnam and to leave.
Tam’s feelings soften when she discovers a pointillist drawing Frank leaves behind of a special spot in Vietnam where they used to share their hopes and dreams.
Frank feels shocked when her doctor boyfriend, Jin, suddenly shows up and she tells him that Frank is just some homeless guy looking for work.
Feeling better when invited to what Frank thinks is a family get-together, he is devastated to find out it is a wedding engagement party for Tam and Jin. Believing his hope to reunite with Tam is all but impossible, he discovers a drawing of his that she kept from Vietnam and feels there is still hope.
Tam encourages Frank to pursue his artwork but he declares he wants more. She pleads for time to sort out her true feelings, whether to marry Jin, with whom she feels safe, or to reunite with Frank, which she still feels hesitant about.
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Bob Bland… High Concept/Elevator Pitch.
What learned? The necessity of boiling down a story into a brief sentence that can be easily spoken and understood.
(Note: I do not believe this is a “high concept” piece. But I do believe it is a very strong concept about confronting the wounds from our past so that we can move forward.)
1. Main hook… big picture of main character’s journey: Can a traumatized homeless vet reunite a decade later with his long-lost love?
2. Tell it in the most interesting way… It’s about a traumatized homeless vet and his former fiancé, both damaged by their past, who meet a decade later, try to heal, and love again.
3. Elevator pitch: I’m finishing up a story that answers the question “Can two damaged people once deeply in love but held back by their past reconnect a decade later, heal, and be in love again?”
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Bob Bland… 10 MOST INTERESTING THINGS…
What I learned doing this assignment…
The importance of identifying the primary things of interest in a script when preparing to pitch it to a producer.
(NOTE: Things that could interest a producer are listed, but the 10 most interesting things are underlined.)
—Most unique about the villain and hero: Frank, a traumatized former army medic, is a budding artist. Jin is a surgeon. Tam, having escaped from Vietnam and once Frank’s fiancé is now a college graduate, and wants to become a doctor and work in a family clinic.
—Major hook of your opening scene: A quiet rural village outdoor market turns tense as the ACK-ACK of artillery fire grows closer.
—Any turning points: A. Frank, having discovered that Tam is alive, decides to return to the breadline to see her. B. Despite knowing Tam is engaged, Frank nevertheless finds out there is still hope for their relationship. C. After Tam cuts and washes his hair, Frank learns she is afraid to continue the relationship and leaves in disappointment. D. Potter agrees to have an exhibit for Frank’s art, validating his worth as an artist.
—Emotional dilemma: A. Frank sees Tam’s village blow up and is torn to return to find her or continue on to a combat medic mission. B. Frank, thinking Tam was dead, is shocked to spot her handing out sandwiches at a breadline and runs away, afraid and embarrassed to approach her. C. Frank approaches Tam in the breadline, but embarrassed turns his head away from her. D. Though accepting Jin’s proposal, Tam is conflicted about her decision. E. Although Tam encourages Frank to do his artwork, he declares he wants more. She pleads for time to sort out her true feelings, either to stay with Jin or reunite with Frank. F. Jin chides Tam about allowing Frank to be around the market and her role in their pending marriage, forcing her to reconsider their relationship. G. Although becoming more intimate with Frank when she cuts and washes his hair, Tam still feels Jin can be relied upon.
—Major twists: A. On the beach, waking up hungover, Frank is intrigued to see a Vietnamese woman spreading flowers on the water and decides to follow her. B. Frank, in a bread line, discovers the woman handing out sandwiches is Tam, his fiancé from Vietnam whom he thought was dead. C. Frank, believing his desire to reunite with Tam is all but impossible, finds a drawing she kept from Vietnam and is encouraged. D. Having been rejected by Potter at the gallery, Frank concludes his art career is useless.
—Reversals: A. Frank, thinking he and Tam are reestablishing their prior relationship, discovers Tam has a boyfriend. B. After the wedding announcement, Frank discovers that Tam has kept the drawing he started in Vietnam and, despite all, concludes there is still hope for the relationship. C. Hoping Tam accompanies him to the art gallery, Jin drives up and whisks Tam away, leaving Frank to fend for himself. D. Still hopeful, Frank takes his art to the gallery, but Potter rejects it as being without heart. E. After Tam cuts and washes Frank’s hair and they begin to become intimate, Tam suddenly pulls back – knowing he did not abandon her but still not feeling safe, unable to bear the thought of losing him again. Telling her he can’t make her feel safe, Frank leaves, believing they will never reunite.
—Character betrayals: A. Tam thought Frank betrayed her when he did not come back from a mission. B. Frank feels betrayed by Tam when her boyfriend suddenly shows up and she tells him that Frank is just some homeless guy looking for work. C. Frank goes to Chien’s house thinking it is a family get-together and finds out it’s a wedding engagement party in honor of Tam and Jin.
—Big surprises: A. Tam opens the back door of the market, surprised to see Frank standing before her. B. Arriving at the market to hopefully reunite with Tam, Frank is blindsided when he finds out she thinks he abandoned her in Vietnam. C. Tam is surprised when a local wants to buy a piece of Frank’s artwork. D. Vino and The Professor reveal their buried wounds from the war and find solace in the telling and Frank reveals what really happened on the battlefield when PT died. E. Returning to show Potter his art, Frank is surprised to find out Potter wants to have an art exhibit. F. Vino discovers New Guy has gone, apparently committing suicide. G. At the exhibit, Frank is surprised to see Tam and tells her about PT’s death on the battlefield. Understanding what really happened, she takes his hand, no longer wearing an engagement ring.
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Bob Bland… What do producers and managers want?
How to present myself and my project to a producer?
First, research to find out the producer’s interests to make sure there is a potential fit with them. Don’t sell horses to someone looking for chickens.
Make a connection, whatever that might be. Laughter is always good.
Tell the producer I have a script that just might fit their mandate. Give its title, genre, and logline.
Tell them (in the particular case of Doc Band-Aid) that – at its core – it’s a story about whether we, as in some way damaged people, will allow ourselves to be trapped by our past or will we find a way to confront it and push forward. Like the title Doc Band-Aid suggests, will we allow past anguish and grief to fester and control us, or will we rip off the band-aid, and expose our pain to the air so we can truly heal, freeing ourselves to create a happy and fulfilling life?
Assure the producer that if the script needs some changes, whether because of budgetary concerns or making it a better read for the actor or director, I’m all in to make it happen! My goal, like theirs, is to see the script get made.
How to present myself and my project to a manager?
Research to know whom they represent, what are their interests, etc. If they like horror but I write drama/romance, move on. They won’t go to battle.
Then… make a connection. Laughter. Body language. Perhaps they rep a writer who does what I do. Maybe briefly say how I came to write this kind of material – in this case – drama/romance.
Tell them what I’m currently working on. Give them the title, genre, and logline. Tell them the core concept. In the case of Doc Band-Aid (see above).
Assure them that as I develop Doc Band-Aid, I sincerely want and appreciate their notes.
Acknowledge that they know how the business work. Just tell me what to do, what to rewrite, how to tweak my pitch, whatever it takes – I want to work with them. My goal – on their behalf – is to hand over a script that they’ll be proud of and excited to take to market.
Tell the manager I have other stories that may also grab the interest.
What I learned?
The necessity of giving producers and managers what they want and need to hear. They have different mandates, both not wanting the same thing. Collaboration is key. First, listen, then speak.
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Bob Bland, Marketable Components for Doc Band-Aid
What learned?
Move toward crystalizing the essential elements of the story into simple, easy to emotionally understand components.
Current Logline: Doc Band-Aid, a drama/romance: Set in the late ‘70s, when a traumatized, homeless vet catches a glimpse of his Vietnamese fiancé who he thought died in the war, he is driven to try for one, last improbable chance at happiness, only to discover that she is unwilling to risk falling in love again.
Most Marketable Components:
Great title: Doc Band-Aid. The title has a double meaning and reflects something significant about this story that deals with wounds and healing. At its heart, it’s a bittersweet love story about two people, once deeply in love but now both terribly damaged by their past, who reconnect a decade later. Can they rip off the band-aid, heal from their past wounds, and perhaps love again?
Great role for bankable actors: The two principal characters, one Asian, have huge emotional ranges for actors, many in the same scene, with multiple cinematic moments as they struggle mightily to confront their guilt and fears from the past in an attempt to move toward one last chance for happiness.
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Title: DOC BAND-AID
Genre: Drama/romance
Concept: Star-crossed lovers torn apart get an unbelievable second chance, but will they be able to get past their past?
Most attractive aspects of the story: Dramatic role for A-list actor(s). Diverse cast. Universal relatable themes. International appeal. Broad audience.
Target Audience: Indie producer(s) excited to champion this kind of story… Perhaps someone like Gary Sinise.
What I learned: Brevity is the soul of wit. It’s the sizzle, not the steak!
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Hi to everyone!
Bob Bland here. I have written 6 scripts. Hope to get some tools that will help me more easily get scripts in front of the right decision-makers. Maybe unusual, can play sports both left and right-handed with an equal lack of dexterity. Cheers!
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Bob Bland
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.