[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli Emotional Moments

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: That a very large part of the story is conveyed just by listing the story’s emotional moments, meaning emotion is a major part of story.

EMOTIONAL MOMENTS

Act One

YG’s Wife demands that they end their marriage, as they had previously agreed to do after he made it on the bench. YG had been clinging to hope they would reconcile.

YG is humiliated by the Chief Judge, in front of the other judges. She takes away the majority of his cases, and calls it like it is: he’s a former talk radio host who barely made it through a bottom tier law school, then failed the bar numerous times before passing.

US Marshals storm YG’s courtroom to arrest him for murder. Everything he worked to achieve his entire life is being taken away from him.

Act Two

During the escape attempt, YG and DR mutually decline to trust each other and work together, resulting in the death of all the escaping prisoners except themselves and one other, and both of them are nearly killed as well. The Mirror Image of the Bonding Scene Below [Distrust Causing Distress]

After a particular dangerous incident in which YG and DR they are nearly killed, they bond, realizing that they can succeed by trusting and working with each other. An actual friendship begins to develop. [Bonding]

Act Three

YG actually is guilty of murder, just not the one he’s accused. [Hidden Weakness]

After believing that his Law Clerk is the last person from the “legitimate world” who has remained loyal to him, she betrays him, resulting in his capture.

Act Four

DR is killed, as he sacrifices himself to save YG (and for the hope that YG will carry on the fight).

YG pledges to come clean for the crime he actually committed, effectively committing career suicide.

Realization that one of DR’s Dying Acts was to insure that YG would be absolved of the crime he actually committed by shifting the blame elsewhere, YG makes the commitment to be a judge of the people, not corporations.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Reveals!

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: Again, that the fill-in-the-blank process sparks creativity.

REVISED BEAT SHEET

ACT ONE

[Day 1, Evening]

Opening

Setup: Alluring Lady in Bar flirting with YG, but interrupted by Law Clerk. After YG leaves with his Law Clerk, Alluring Lady texts that she’s free for the night, unexpectedly.

Note: She’s a prostitute hired by RED.

Even though it’s night, a mob in front of the courthouse, protesting in support of abortion rights. One sign says “Death to YG.” YG and Law Clerk quickly turn around and head in the opposite direction.

YG and Law Clerk enter side door of the Courthouse, using YG’s keycard. Friendly, respectful interaction with ELDERLY CUSTODIAN as they enter.

YG in chambers with his law clerk. Law Clerk comments that as a married man, he needs to watch himself with women out to get something. Professional interaction between the two.

They review three cases the judge will hear in court the next afternoon:

Distinctive knock on the door. FEMALE US MARSHAL enters. She’s in charge of his security while in the courthouse. She tells him they have increased security because of his anticipated ruling on the abortion case. She’s leaving for the evening.

Case 1: [red herring] An abortion rights case brought by a doctor who runs a clinic that has been shut down. It has generated huge protests and threats against the judge.

Case 2: The sentencing a convicted murderer. YG debating between a death sentence and life in prison.

Case 3: A challenge to the condemnation of residential homes for a huge real estate development.

Setup: Law Clerk surprised to hear YG plans on denying the developer’s motion to dismiss in the REAL ESTATE CASE. Law Clerk leaves.

Setup & Reveal: YG calls his wife to tell her he’ll be late. “So what’s new?” Their marriage is a sham: they pretended to be happily married so he could get appointed to the bench. She tells him it’s time to end the charade. Knock on her door as she’s ending the call: It’s the Female U.S. Marshall. They’re having an affair.

[Day 2, Morning]

–YG at the side entrance, bypassing the protesters. He tries to enter but his key card isn’t working. The Elderly Custodian recognizes him and lets him in.

–YG enters his chambers; Setup: Law Clerk is surprised to see him. Law Clerk tells him the Chief Judge has asked to speak with him. She guesses it’s about a transfer of new cases, pointing to a large number of files. Oh, and YG’s wife called. Annoyed, YG wonders why she didn’t call on his cell.

YG enters his private office.

Inciting Incident: Anonymous, ominous demand that YG absent himself from his afternoon appearance.

–Loud commotion outside. We’re afraid it’s an attack of some kind by abortion rights activists, but instead it’s a group of adoring college students there to see YG. We learn at the end of the scene they are Federalist-Society-type conservatives.

As YG is leaving to see the Chef Judge, he tells Law Clerk to prepare two orders, one dismissing the challenge to the abortion restriction, another denying the developers motion to dismiss. Clerk again expresses hesitancy about the challenge to the imminent domain claim for the development, but YG says just write up a short order, which I’ll issue this afternoon. They can prepare a detailed opinion later.

YG meets with Chief Judge in her office.

Setup: Chief Judge hostile to YG, seemingly because of his youth, right-wing politics, and her feeling that he was not deserving of the position.

Setup: Chief Judge tells YG that she will reassign most of his cases, including the Real Estate and Murder case. She’ll let him keep the abortion case, since that’s what got him on the bench anyway. Heated Argument, triggered by YG accusing Chief Judge only having her position because of her race. She signs the Transfer Order in his presence.

Back in Chambers –

Setup: Law Clerk shocked that YG still plans to rule on the REAL ESTATE CASE and the MURDER CASE, after Chief Judge told him she was transferring them away from him, and already signed an Order. But YG checks the Court’s docket, and that the transfer Order hasn’t been filed, so the cases are still his.

[Day 2, Afternoon]

–The Courtroom. It’s packed. RED enters the courtroom with fanfare; like a celebrity, rich, powerful, and apparently well-liked, Elon Musk. The Female US Marshal looks at RED with disdain, the retreats to YG’s chambers.

–In Chambers, Female U.S. Marshal reports that the Courtroom is clear. It’s safe for him to enter.

–All rise. YG enters the courtroom.

Case 1: INTRO PLAINTIFF ABORTION DOCTOR. YG dismisses the case challenging the closing of the abortion clinic. Protesters start yelling, one threatens to make YG “pay.” The doctor Plaintiff urges her supporters to leave peacefully. They’re cleared from the courtroom.

Case 2: Sentencing of DEATH ROW (DR). Elderly woman in the audience for his sentencing. Looks like she’s his grandma, but there is no familial relationship. DR’s defense attorney urges him to make a statement showing remorse, but DR refuses, so Defense attorney speaks on his behalf: father a felon in prison his entire life, mother a drug addict; deck was stacked against him from the beginning.

YG is unmoved, and sentences DR to death. [Deeper Layer: DR did not commit the murder. It was a young teenage boy who killed in self-defense while defending his home from one of RED’s thugs.] DR is about to be led from the courtroom when,

Turning Point: U.S. Marshalls with guns drawn, rush into the courtroom. DR drops to the floor, thinking they’re there for him. But they’re there to arrest YG – for the murder of his wife.

Setup: YG doesn’t know who he’s accused of murdering. First thing he does is ask who he supposedly killed.

YG flees to his Chambers.

Setup: YG runs from the US Marshals rather than surrendering peacefully.

ACT TWO

Reaction: Goes to the Chief Judge, accuses her of framing him. She denies it. He asks for help, she refuses and tells him to turn himself in. He flees.

Courthouse on lockdown.

Tries the door to his Law Clerk’s office. It’s locked. He knocks, identifies himself, but there’s no answer.

Inside, the Law Clerk is silent.

YG flees down an emergency stairway.

The Marshalls, led by Female US Marshal, close in on YG.

Encounters the Elderly Custodian, who asks if YG needs anything. YG declines, not wishing to bring harm to him.

YG arrives at a Courthouse rear exit. Almost runs into a group of Prisoners, including DR, are being marched along by a Guard. Guard and Prisoners react oddly.

A US Marshal appears, draws his gun on YG, and asks PRISONER/GUARD for help. But then the US Marshal asks, “Who are you?” The Prisoner/Guard shoots the US Marshal.

YG ends up with a gun, and in a standoff with the Prisoner/Guard, who tells YG he can’t stop them. YG says he doesn’t want to – he wants to join them

Other US Marshals arrive, and all hell breaks loose.

Everyone except YG, DR and one PRISONER are killed. YG’s going to leave DR chained in the transport but releases him and takes him with him when DR yells, “I know they framed you.” YG agrees to take DR; thinks at this point it’s “the abortionists” who framed him.

We see the transport drive out of the courthouse. It’s hit by a massive amount of gunfire. Destroyed. Swarmed by law enforcement, who open it to find it empty except the driver.

YG and DR blend into the chaos of the pro choice rally outside (Maybe have them hide under burkas or Handmaiden’s Tale uniform. But they’re cut off. Only choice is returning to the courthouse. They manage to both get back inside the courthouse, with YG managing it by acting with humility and getting someone to whom he previously was rude to help him.

Plan in action: –Death Row agrees to tell what he knows to the Chief Judge, at YG’s urging. DR is skeptical: She never liked YG. What makes him think she’s not part of the plan to frame him?

[Day 2, Evening]

Midpoint: YG and DR manage to get in to speak with the Chief Judge. It looks like she’s beginning to believe them – when she’s killed by a gunshot through a window – by the Female US Marshal – and the gun used is tossed in through the window, framing the two of them for the murder. [REVEAL that Female US Marshal works for RED]

ACT THREE

[Day 2, Night]

Setup: The Abortion Clinic Doctor provides refuge to both YG and DR, also a reveal that YG likely not targeted because of his ruling on the abortion case. Clearly she was not behind any threats. She/he makes clear that he would not have done so if it were YG alone. It’s for DR.

Setup: Law Clerk had written a draft order dismissing the Real Estate case, the opposite of how YG ultimately ruled.

Minor Reveal: YG discovers that Alluring Lady an escort with some sort of connection to RED.

Reveal: Chief Judge also was on RED’s payroll. “What is it with these lawyers? They get on the bench, and think they’re supposed to have ethics all of a sudden.”

[Day 3, Morning]

New plan: YG is now convinced his sponsor, RED, is behind the plot to frame him, and framed DR for murder. They concoct a plan to prove that RED is behind the killing of the Chief Judge and framing YG and DR.

YG able to contact Law Clerk, and she agree to help them get access to RED and confront him.

Setup: Urgent text, then desperate phone call, from Law Clerk, begging YG to come save her.

YG arrives to save Law Clerk, but it’s a trap: they’re captured by RED’s thugs because [Reveal] the Law Clerk is yet another person on RED’s payroll.

Reveal: RED makes YG an offer: he will provide evidence showing that DR killed both the Chief Judge and YG’s wife, in exchange for YG, once he’s cleared gets back on the bench, rescinds his ruling on the Real Estate case. YG asks what if he backs out. RED answers by killing the Law Clerk. If YG backs out, he’ll be on the hook for this killing, too.

ACT FOUR

–DR rescues YG. But he sacrifices himself to do so. First he places himself in what is almost a no-win situation, then dies in order to protect an innocent from being killed by the Henchwoman/Female US Marshall.

YG manages to escape.

[Day 3, Afternoon]

–YG concocts a plan to coerce RED into clearing both of them.

RED AJ/YG PG – Images publicized that appear to show RED and Law Clerk having an affair. RED’s wife not happy. [Need to add her earlier so she doesn’t appear now out of the blue]

RED AJ – RED is now on the run, on the defensive, with YG on the offensive.

–Face off between YG and Female US Marshal. He manages to kill her.

–Final confrontation between YG and RED. Must be a complete emasculation of RED, including other US Marshals. In a surprise (maybe), the Law Clerk turns on RED.

Reveal: YG has committed murder, something he concealed from everyone, including himself.

–Prompted by DR’s sacrifice, YG pledges to come clean about his criminal background. And clear DR’s name. YG has the opportunity to get off scott free. But does not. He points authorities to the evidence. (maybe the killing was an auto accident, a hit-and-run).

[Day 4, Morning]

–RED is exposed. Perp walk. He’s arraigned on a multitude of charges, and faces the rest of his life in jail.

Resolution:

Now
having developed the true qualities necessary to be a wise judge, the Junior
Judge disposes of a case compassionately, the scene mirroring the first
sentencing scene, and showing how he has changed.

<hr width=”33%” size=”1″ align=”left”>

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Character Action Tracks!

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: The realization that I actually figure things out just by forcing myself to continue to move forward.

For this assignment, I completely re-wrote by Beat Sheet/Outline.

TITLE: LEST THEE BE JUDGED or JUDGE NOT

GENRE: Action Thriller

ACT ONE:

[Day 1, Evening]

Opening: An attractive, 30-something man, YOUNG JUDGE (YG), flirting with an ATTRACTIVE WOMAN. A YOUNGER ATTRACTIVE WOMAN appears and tells YG it’s time to go. The Attractive Woman is jealous. “She’s too young to be your wife.” You’re right. She’s my law clerk.” “Come on, Your Honor.”

Enter side door of the Courthouse, using YG’s keycard.

–Friendly, respectful interaction with ELDERLY CUSTODIAN.

YG in chambers with his law clerk. Law Clerk comments that as a married man, he needs to watch himself with women out to get something. We see some attraction, but he doesn’t act on it. Remains professional.

They review three cases the judge will hear in court the next afternoon:

Case 1: [red herring] an abortion rights case brought by a doctor who runs a clinic that has been shut down. It has generated huge protests and threats against the judge.

Case 2: The sentencing a convicted murderer.

Case 3: A challenge to the condemnation of residential homes for a massive real estate development. The Law Clerk questions him on the case and seems surprised he plans on denying the developer’s motion to dismiss. Law Clerk leaves.

–YG gets telephone call from his WIFE. She’s leaving him. She agreed to maintain the façade of a happy marriage to help him get appointed to the bench because a separation or divorce would have hurt his chances. But now that he’s been sworn in, she’s ready to move on. We’re left with the feeling he had hoped they could work it out. Turns into a heated argument.

Knock on door of his Chambers is an excuse for him to end the call.

–FEMALE US MARSHAL enters. She’s in charge of his security while in the courthouse. She tells him they have increased security because of his anticipated ruling on the abortion case.

[Day 2, Morning]

–Large numbers of protesters in front of the courthouse. Demonstrators on both sides of the issue. Looks like it could get out of control at any moment.

–YG at the side entrance, bypassing the protesters. He tries to enter but his key card isn’t working. The Elderly Custodian recognizes him and lets him in.

–YG enters his chambers. Law Clerk tells him the Chief Judge has just assigned him a massive number of cases, in addition to those that were on the docket of the judge who died, because he’s the junior judge at the court. Oh, and YG’s wife called. Annoyed, YG wonders why she didn’t call on his cell.

YG enters his private office.

Inciting Incident: Anonymous, ominous demand that YG absent himself from his afternoon appearance.

–Loud commotion outside. We’re afraid it’s an attack of some kind by abortion rights activists, but instead it’s a group of adoring college students there to see YG. We learn at the end of the scene are Federalist-Society-type conservatives.

–Has a conference to go to, so tells Clerk to prepare two orders, one dismissing the challenge to the abortion restriction, and another denying the developers motion to dismiss. Clerk expresses hesitancy about the challenge to the imminent domain claim for the development, but YG says to just prepare a brief order, which I’ll issue this afternoon. They can prepare a detailed opinion later. [SET UP: We find out later that the Law Clerk instead prepares an order that GRANTS the dismissal of the case against the development, which YG can later discover]

–Closed meeting of all the District’s judges, led by CHIEF JUDGE. She reprimands YG (seemingly without justification) in front of all the other judges. She worked hard to achieve her position, and resents YG, the new appointee. Introduce rivalry and that he inherited docket from a judge who died unexpectedly. [SETUP for YG (and audience) believing that Chief Judge set him up.]

[Day 2, Afternoon]

–The Courtroom. It’s packed. RED enters the courtroom with fanfare; like a celebrity, rich, powerful, and apparently well-liked, Elon Musk. The Female US Marshal looks at RED with disdain, the retreats to YG’s chambers.

–In Chambers, Female U.S. Marshal reports that the Courtroom is clear. It’s safe for him to enter.

–All rise. YG enters the courtroom.

Case 1: INTRO PLAINTIFF ABORTION DOCTOR. YG dismisses the case challenging the closing of the abortion clinic. Protesters start yelling, one threatens to make YG “pay.” The doctor Plaintiff urges her supporters to leave peacedully. They’re cleared from the courtroom.

Case 2: Sentencing of DEATH ROW (DR). Elderly woman in the audience for his sentencing. Looks like she’s his grandma, but there is no familial relationship. DR’s defense attorney urges him to make a statement showing remorse, but DR refuses, so Defense attorney speaks on his behalf: father a felon in prison his entire life, mother a drug addict; deck was stacked against him from the beginning.

YG is unmoved, and sentences DR to death. [Deeper Layer: DR did not commit the murder. It was a young teenage boy who killed in self-defense while defending his home from one of RED’s thugs.] DR is about to be led from the courtroom when,

Turning Point: U.S. Marshalls with guns drawn, rush into the courtroom. DR drops to the floor, thinking they’re there for him. But they’re there to arrest YG – for the murder of his wife. YG escapes back into his Chambers.

ACT TWO:

Reaction: Goes to the Chief Judge, accuses her of framing him. She denies it, then YG asks for her help. She tells him she can’t. Nothing personal. She tells him what she’d tell her best friend: turn himself in. He can prove his innocence in court. YG flees, thinking she’s part of it.

New plan: A Wild Escape Plan: YG joins an EXISTING escape plan that the man he just sentenced to death is part of. He disguises himself as the Guard driving the prisoner transport.

The Marshalls, led by Female US Marshal, are closing in on YG – he is near the courthouse exit, where prisoners, including DR, are being led out to be taken back to the jail. Seems like he’s cornered, prisoners being marched along by a GUARD. EXCEPT it’s a prisoner dressed as a guard. A US Marshal appears, draws gun on YG, and asks PRISONER/GUARD for help. But then asks, “Who are you?” Prisoner/Guard shoots one of the US Marshals. All hell breaks loose, and YG manages to join the Prisoners side of the battle. YG gets gun, and is in a standoff with the Prisoner/Guard. You can’t stop us. I don’t want to.

Plan goes wrong: Everyone except YG, DR and one PRISONER are killed. YG’s going to leave DR chained in the transport but releases him and takes him with him when DR yells, “I know they framed you.” YG agrees to take DR; thinks at this point it’s “the abortionists” who framed him. [DR’s Deeper Layer/Hidden Agenda: Protecting the innocent people in his neighborhood who will lose their homes if the development goes forward; he’s not helping YG with the hope of clearing himself, but to expose those planning to destroy his community with their development. These are the people who, by killing to protect them, resulted in his conviction and death sentence]

We see the transport drive out of the courthouse. It’s hit by a massive amount of gunfire. Destroyed. Swarmed by law enforcement, who open it to find it empty except the driver.

YG and DR blend into the chaos of the pro choice rally outside (Maybe have them hide under burkas or Handmaiden’s Tale uniform. But they’re cut off. Only choice is returning to the courthouse. They manage to both get back inside the courthouse, with YG managing it by acting with humility and getting someone to whom he previously was rude to help him.

Plan in action:

–Death Row agrees to tell what he knows to the Chief Judge, at YG’s urging. DR is skeptical: She never liked YG. What makes him think she’s not part of the plan to frame him?

[Day 2, Evening]

Midpoint: YG and DR manage to get in to speak with the Chief Judge. It looks like she’s beginning to believe them – when she’s killed by a gunshot through a window – by the Female US Marshal – and the gun used is tossed in through the window, framing the two of them for the murder. [REVEAL that Female US Marshal works for RED]

ACT THREE:

[Day 2, Night]

— YG and DR are given refuge by PLAINTIFF IN THE RED HERRING CASE. A DOCTOR AT AN ABORTION CLINIC. The last person you would expect to be willing to help YG. Clearly she was not behind any threats. She/he makes clear that he would not have done so if it were YG alone. It’s for DR.

–Reveal to audience (FLASHBACK for now) that YG has committed murder, just not the one he’s accused of.

— Chief Judge was on RED’s payroll as well, and like YG, “grew a set of principles,” which made her expendable. “What is it with these lawyers? They get on the bench, and think they’re supposed to have ethics all of a sudden.”

Rethink everything: YG cannot convince someone else of his innocence without opening his mind to the possibility that many of the defendants he’s sentenced were actually innocent.

[Day 3, Morning]

New plan: YG is now convinced his sponsor, RED, is behind the plot to frame him, and framed DR for murder. They concoct a plan to prove that RED is behind the killing of the Chief Judge and framing YG and DR. With the help of YG’s Law Clerk, they plan to access to the RED and confront him. [Think of Law Clerk acting like the Julia Stiles character in some of the Bourne movies]

–Desperate text, then phone call from his LAW CLERK. She’s been caught. YG rushes to save him. But it’s a trap. The Law Clerk is a stooge of RED.

–Meeting/showdown with RED. He has discovered YG’s secret. RED gives YG an easy out: RED has fabricated evidence showing that DR, not YG, killed both the Chief Judge and the murder YG is being accused of. All he has to do is agree to rule the right way on the condemnation case. But if he gets back on the bench and doesn’t, then YG’s real crime will be revealed. Looks like YG will say no and abandon DR, but declines the offer.

–Only now figures out that none of this is about the abortion case, but the condemnation case he was going to rule on next. YG realizes he appears guilty even though he’s innocent, he begins to think that perhaps Death Row actually is not guilty, too. Pledges to help clear his name.

ACT FOUR:

–DR rescues YG. But he sacrifices himself to do so. First he places himself in what is almost a no-win situation, then dies in order to protect an innocent from being killed by the Henchwoman/Female US Marshall. [Think of Elisha Cook, Jr., as Harry Jones, getting killed by Lash Canino; he dies, gives a fake address for where his wife is to save her, even though she would not have done the same thing for him]

–YG escapes.

[Day 3, Afternoon]

–YG concocts a plan to coerce RED into clearing both of them.

RED AJ/YG PG – Images publicized that appear to show RED and Law Clerk having an affair. RED’s wife not happy. [Need to add her earlier so she doesn’t appear now out of the blue]

RED AJ – RED is now on the run, on the defensive, with YG on the offensive.

–Face off between YG and Female US Marshal. He manages to kill her.

–Final confrontation between YG and RED. Must be a complete emasculation of RED, including other US Marshals. In a surprise (maybe), the Law Clerk turns on RED.

–Prompted by DR’s sacrifice, YG pledges to come clean about his criminal background. And clear DR’s name. YG has the opportunity to get off scott free. But does not. He points authorities to the evidence. (maybe the killing was an auto accident, a hit-and-run).

[Day 4, Morning]

–RED is exposed. Perp walk. He’s arraigned on a multitude of charges, and faces the rest of his life in jail.

Resolution:

Now having developed the true qualities necessary to be a wise judge, the Junior Judge disposes of a case compassionately, the scene mirroring the first sentencing scene, and showing how he has changed.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s New Outline Beats!

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: More, what I practice: avoiding the “waiting until it’s perfect” trap, just getting stuff down, completing the lesson and moving forward.

ACT 1: A Cocky Young Judge.

Opening: A put together 30-something man, YOUNG JUDGE, flirting with an ATTRACTIVE WOMAN. Not clear who’s hitting on whom. A YOUNGER ATTTRACTIVE WOMAN appears to drag him away. A little jealousy seen in the Attractive Woman. “She’s too young to be your wife.” You’re right. She’s my law clerk.” “Come on, Your Honor.”

Enter side door of Courthouse using YG’s keycard.

A late night, the young, pompous YOUNG JUDGE reviewing cases to be heard the next morning. Partier, but a hard worker. Comments that he’s soon to be single. Brief review of the cases. Sentencing for a murderer, Imminent Domain case, and a RED HERRING, an abortion rights case brought by a doctor who runs an abortion clinic.

Morning – large numbers of protesters in front of the courthouse. Demonstrators on both sides of the issue. Looks like it could get out of control at any moment.

RED AJ – Enters the courtroom with fanfare; like a celebrity, rich, powerful, and apparently well-liked. INTRO FEMALE US MARSHAL who looks at RED with disdain, then retreats to YG’s chambers.

RED Deeper Layer: He is driven by greed and will commit any crime – intimidation, extortion, murder – in order to close a deal.

In Chambers, Female U.S. Marshal reports that the Courtroom is clear. Reference political-motivated threats against YG.

YG enters the courtroom. Three cases before him. RED HERRNG, either dismisses case or grants summary judgment, i.e., he rules in favor of one side or the other, ending the case. Lawyers stand up for the imminent domain case – they both ask for a continuance to pursue settlement negotiations. Third case: sentencing of DR for murder conviction.

DR TJ – DR is sentenced to death/life in prison by YG. DR tries to talk but is shouted down.

YG and Law Clerk in chambers immediately after stepping off the bench. Brief discussion on imminent domain case. YG tells clerk he’s made his decision; will dismiss the case if they don’t settle. Clerk asks if he’ll re-think the RED HERRING CASE/POLITICAL “left wing/progressive cause.” – they’ve already filed a motion for reconsideration. They can appeal if they don’t like it.

Plaintiff Abortion doctor addresses supporters outside the courthouse.

RED AJ – RED discovers YG plans to rule in favor of the plaintiffs challenging the imminent domain case.

Call with soon to be ex-wife. Now that he’s on the bench, it’s Tammy Winnete time. He couldn’t agree more.

Inciting Incident: Anonymous, ominous demand that he either recuse himself from an upcoming case or resign from the bench. Or else.

Female US Marshal pops her head in to check out. Asks if everything is OK. [Things have finally settled down out there.] YG says yes. Does not share threat with her.

YJ PJ – YG ignores demand to recuse himself, asks (leaves voice mail or text) Law Clerk to draft Order ruling against construction company on imminent domain case.

RED AJ – RED orders assembly of evidence to frame YG for murder. Presents evidence to the Chief Judge and the US Marshalls.

DR TJ – DR begins planning to escape with other prisoners before he’s transferred to prison from holding area in courthouse.

Turning Point: YG discovers his key card to enter the courthouse has been deactivated and Federal Marshalls appear, not to protect him, but to arrest him, for murder! Female US Marshal apologetic.

Deeper Layer: YG actually has committed murder, just not the one he is being accused of now.

ACT 2: Knocked down to the gutter.

Initial Reaction: He runs away! After calming down a bit, he goes to the Chief Judge, and asks for assistance (and we’ve had a setup already that they have a bad relationship and she’s been hostile to him). She tells him she can’t help him. Nothing personal. She tells him what she’d tell her best friend: turn himself in.

DR TJ – DR and other prisoners overpower guards and begin escape.

New plan: He joins a wild escape plan.

YG PJ and DR TJ Merge

The Marshalls, led by Female US Marshal, are closing in on YG – he is near the courthouse exit, where prisoners are being out of the courthouse and taken back to the jail. Seems like he’s cornered, prisoners being marched in. EXCEPT it’s a prisoner dressed as a guard. Marshall approaches a prison guard/transport, asks for help, then asks, “Who are you?” Prisoner Disguised as Guard, who shoots one of the US Marshals. All hell breaks loose, and YG manages to join the Pirsoners side of the battle. Junior Judge appears, gun drawn – standoff. You can’t stop us. I don’t want to.

Deeper Layer <s>Reveal</s> Hint: Female US Marshall shoots at YG to kill, but hits one of the escaping prisoners instead. But appears to do so hesitantly, in the heat of the gun battle and after he has pointed a gun at another US Marshal.

Everyone except him and Death Row are killed. He’s going to leave Death Row chained in the transport but releases him and takes him with him when Death Row yells, “I know who framed you” or “I can clear your name.” YG thinks it’s “the abortionists.”

Deeper Layer: DR isn’t helping YG with the hope of getting out of the death sentence, but to protect the neighborhood that will be razed if RED wins.

Escape through the wild demonstration outside the courthouse.

Revised Plan:

Tell the Chief Judge that RED set him up, based on input from DR.

–Death Row agrees to tell what he knows to the Chief Judge, at YG’s insistence. Death Row is skeptical: She never liked Junior. What makes him think she’s not part of the plan to frame him?

Plan in action:

They manage to both get back inside the courthouse, with Junior actually managing it by acting with humility and getting someone to whom he previously was rude to help him.

RED AJ – RED gets wind of YG’s efforts, aided by DR, to reach the Chief Judge, to tell her YG is behind the false charges against YG. Instructs Henchwoman/Female US Marshal to prevent that at any costs. Not shown – behind the scenes.

Midpoint Turning Point:

Junior and Death Row manage to get in to speak with the Chief Judge. It looks like she’s beginning to believe them – when she’s killed by a gunshot through a window [by the Female US Marshal] and the gun used is tossed in through the window, framing the two of them for the murder.

Deeper Layer Reveal: Female US Marshall works for RED, and is the killer of the Chief Judge.

ACT 3: Climbing out of the gutter.

Rethink everything

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: YG and DR are given refuge by PLAINTIFF IN THE RED HERRING CASE. A DOCTOR AT AN ABORTION CLINIC. The last person you would expect to be willing to help YG. Clearly she was not behind any threats. She/he makes clear that he would not have done so if it were YG alone. It’s for DR.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Chief Judge was on RED’s payroll as well, and like YG, “grew a set of principles,” which made her expendable. “What is it with these lawyers? They get on the bench, and think they’re supposed to have ethics all of a sudden.”

New plan

YG works with DR to prove that RED is behind the killing of the Chief Judge and framing YG and DR.

RED AJ – RED calls upon all his resources to locate and neutralize YG and DR.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift

DR TJ – DR is killed by Henchwoman/Female US Marshal.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: DR is a good guy – he sacrifices himself: first places himself in what is almost a no-win situation, then dies in order to protect an innocent from being killed by the Henchwoman/Female US Marshall (think of Elisha Cook, Jr., as Harry Jones, getting killed by Lash Canino; he dies, gives a fake address for where his wife is to save her, even though she would not have done the same thing for him).

ACT 4: Dispensing Judgment

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict

YG PJ – YG and DR concoct a plan to expose RED and the Law Clerk.

RED AJ/YG PG – Images publicized that appear to show RED and Law Clerk having an affair. RED’s wife not happy.

RED AJ – RED is now on the run, on the defensive, with YG on the offensive.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: YG is guilty of murder – just not the one he was framed for.

Deeper Layer Reveal (“High Castle Surprise”): Law Clerk also on RED’s payroll, with the promise of becoming a judge herself.

YG discovers that his last ally, his law Clerk, has actually been working with RED all along, and aided in, and was responsible for, him being set up.

Face off between YG and Female US Marshal. He manages to kill her.

Final confrontation between YG and RED. Must be a complete emasculation of RED, including other US Marshals. In a surprise (maybe), the Law Clerk turns on RED.

RED AJ (Resolution) – RED is arraigned on a multitude of charges, facing the rest of his lift in jail.

YG Resolution – YG has the opportunity to get off scott free. But does not. He points authorities to the evidence. (maybe the killing was an auto accident, a hit-and-run).

Resolution

Having developed the qualities necessary to be a good judge, YG now disposes of cases compassionately, and in a scene that mirrors the opening, sentences another defendant.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Beat Sheet Draft 1

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: I’m constantly amazed at how the the simple fill-in-the-blanks approach sparks creativity.

ACT 1: A Cocky Young Judge.

Opening: A put together 30-something man, flirting with an ATTRACTIVE WOMAN. Not clear who’s hitting on whom. A YOUNGER ATTTRACTIVE WOMAN appears to drag him away. A little jealousy seen in the Attractive Woman. “She’s too young to be your wife.” You’re right. She’s my law clerk.” “Come on, Your Honor.”

A late night, the young, pompous JUNIOR JUDGE reviewing cases to be heard the next morning. Partier, but a hard worker. Comments that he’s soon to be single. Brief review of the cases. Sentencing for a murderer, Imminent Domain case, and RED HERRING case.

RED AJ – Enters the courtroom with fanfare; like a celebrity, rich, powerful, and apparently well-liked.

RED Deeper Layer: He is driven by greed and will commit any crime – intimidation, extortion, murder – in order to close a deal.

DR TJ – DR is sentenced to death/life in prison by YG.

RED AJ – RED discovers YG plans to rule in favor of the plaintiffs challenging the imminent domain case.

Inciting Incident: Anonymous, ominous demand that he either recuse himself from an upcoming case or resign from the bench. Or else. [NOTE: Need it to look like the Female US Marshal is the one from whom he learned this. She’s in charge of YG’s “security detail.”]

YJ PJ – YG ignores demand to recuse himself, asks Law Clerk to draft Order ruling against construction company.

RED AJ – RED orders assembly of evidence to frame YG for murder. Presents evidence to the Chief Judge and the US Marshalls.

DR TJ – DR begins planning to escape with other prisoners before he’s transferred to prison from holding area in courthouse,

Turning Point: YG discovers his key card to enter the courthouse has been deactivated and Federal Marshalls appear, not to protect him, but to arrest him, for murder!

Deeper Layer: YG actually has committed murder, just not the one he is being accused of now.

ACT 2: Knocked down to the gutter.

Initial Reaction: He runs away! After calming down a bit, he goes to the Chief Judge, and asks for assistance (and we’ve had a setup already that they have a bad relationship and she’s been hostile to him). She tells him she can’t help him. Nothing personal. She tells him what she’d tell her best friend: turn himself in.

DR TJ – DR and other prisoners overpower guards and begin escape.

New plan: He joins a wild escape plan.

YG PJ and DR TJ Merge

The Marshalls are closing in on the Junior Judge – he is near the courthouse exit, where prisoners are being out of the courthouse and taken back to the jail. Seems like he’s cornered, prisoners being marched in. EXCEPT it’s a prisoner dressed as a guard. Marshall approaches a prison guard/transport, asks for help, then asks, “Who are you?” Prisoner Disguised as Guard, who shoots the Marshal. All hell breaks loose, and YG manages to join the Pirsoners side of the battle. Junior Judge appears, gun drawn – standoff. You can’t stop us. I don’t want to.

Deeper Layer Reveal: Female US Marshall shoots at YG to kill, but hits one of the escaping prisoners instead.

Everyone except him and Death Row are killed. He’s going to leave Death Row chained in the transport but releases him and takes him with him when Death Row yells, “I know who framed you” or “I can clear your name.”

Deeper Layer: DR isn’t helping YG with the hope of getting out of the death sentence, but to protect the neghborhood that will be razed if RED wins.

Deeper Layer Reveal: Female US Marshall works for RED, and was supposed to have killed YG.

Revised Plan:

Tell the Chief Judge that RED set him up, based on input from DR.

–Death Row agrees to tell what he knows to the Chief Judge, at YG’s insistence. Death Row is skeptical: She never liked Junior. What makes him think she’s not part of the plan to frame him?

Plan in action:

They manage to both get back inside the courthouse, with Junior actually managing it by acting with humility and getting someone to whom he previously was rude to help him.

RED AJ – RED learns gets wind of YG’s efforts, aided by DR, to reach the Chief Judge, to tell her YG is behind the false charges against YG. Instructs Henchwoman/Female US Marshal to prevent that at any costs.

Midpoint Turning Point:

Junior and Death Row manage to get in to speak with the Chief Judge. It looks like she’s beginning to believe them – when she’s killed by a gunshot through a window and the gun used is tossed in through the window, framing the two of them for the murder.

ACT 3: Climbing out of the gutter.

Rethink everything

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: YG and DR are given refuge by someone who would not be expected to help them. A pastor, perhaps, who makes clear that he would not have done so if it were YG alone. It’s for DR.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Chief Judge was on RED’s payroll as well, and like YG, “grew a set of principles,” which made her expendable. “What is it with these lawyers? They get on the bench, and think they’re supposed to have ethics all of a sudden.”

New plan

YG works with DR to prove that RED is behind the killing of the Chief Judge and framing YG and DR.

RED AJ – RED takes calls all his resources to locate and neutralize YG and DR.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift

Deeper Layer Reveal: Law Clerk also on RED’s payroll, with the promise of becoming a judge herself.

YG discovers that his last ally, his law Clerk, has actually been working with RED all along, and aided in, and was responsible for, him being set up.

ACT 4: Dispensing Judgment

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict

YG PJ – YG and DR concoct a plan to expose RED and the Law Clerk.

RED AJ/YG PG – Images publicized that appear to show RED and Law Clerk having an affair. RED’s wife not happy.

RED AJ – RED is now on the run, on the defensive, with YG and DR on the defensive.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL (“High Castle Surprise”): YG is guilty of murder – just not the one he was framed for.

DR TJ (“High Castle Surprise”) – DR is killed by Henchwoman/Female US Marshal.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: DR is a good guy – he sacrifices himself: first places himself in what is almost a no-win situation, then dies in order to protect an innocent from being killed by the Henchwoman/Female US Marshall (think of Elisha Cook, Jr., as Harry Jones, getting killed by Lash Canino; he dies, gives a fake address for where his wife is to save her, even though she would not have done the same thing for him).

RED AJ (Resolution) – RED is arraigned on a multitude of charges, facing the rest of his lift in jail.

Resolution

Having developed the qualities necessary to be a good judge, YG now disposes of cases compassionately, and in a scene that mirrors the opening, sentences another defendant.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Deeper Layer

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: The lesson that I need to keep relearning: to be open to changing by story at this early stage, when I haven’t actually begun writing.

YG:

Surface Layer: A young federal judge is falsely accused of murder, putting his career in jeopardy.

Deeper Layer: He actually is guilty of murder – just not that murder.

Major Reveal: It should come in the middle of the Final Act – discovered by RED, the Antagonist, when it seems like the Antagonist has been completely defeated.

Influences Surface Story: He overreacts to the murder charge: he does not act like an innocent man would act, but like a guilty man.

Hints: Unwillingness to attempt to defend himself in court; overcompensating by being particularly harsh in his sentencing of DR at the beginning; while on the run with DR, his relating to DR surprisingly well, which at the time we think is him learning compassion and empathy.

Changes Reality: His reaction to the false allegation makes more sense, since he is afraid of being charged with murder.

DR:

Surface Layer: He’s a career criminal who committed murder.

Deeper Layer: He had truly turned his life around and was fighting a corrupt real estate developer on behalf of his community.

Major Reveal: When YG and DR are given refuge by [someone] who we would expect to be the last person willing to harbor two fugitives.

Influences Surface Story:

Hints: His willingness to help YG – it’s not to get his sentence changed, but because he knows that YG has been framed by RED, just like he was.

Changes Reality: DR is “a good guy.” He is not a cold-blooded murderer, but killed a real bad guy who was threatening the life of an innocent.

RED:

Surface Layer: He’s a pillar of the community, financing sustainable, equitable and green growth that will provide jobs and affordable housing.

Deeper Layer: He is driven by greed and will commit any crime –intimidation, extortion, murder – in order to close his deals.

Major Reveal(s): RED’s true nature revealed early on, but the extent of his POWER is gradually revealed: First that the female US Marshal is on his payroll, then the Chief Judge, and finally YG’s Law Clerk.

Influences Surface Story: Every interaction he has with everyone is from a position of power. He is friendly and gracious because he knows

Hints:

Changes Reality: The story starts with the perception that these federal judges are powerful, but they are under the thumb of the real powerbroker who put most of them on the bench.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Character Structure

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: What I took from this is that, not only can the other characters’ structures begin well before that of the Protagonist, their turning points don’t always have to coincide with those of the Protagonist.

REAL ESTATE DEVELOPER (RED) (Antagonist)

Beginning: Plans to build the biggest real estate development of his life.

Inciting Incident: A thug/criminal-turned-activist (DR) begins organizing an active opposition to the imminent domain proceedings necessary for the development to go forward.

Turning Point 1: He frames DR for murder.

Act 2: He secures the appointment of a young, conservative (YG) to the federal bench, who will ultimately rule on the lawsuit challenging the Imminent Domain Proceeding,

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: He discovers YG plans to rule in favor of the plaintiffs challenging the imminent domain case.

Act 3: **Frame YG, get him off the bench.

Turning Point 3: Has the Chief Judge killed and frames YG for it, when it’s clear to him that she will turn against him as well.

Act 4 Climax: Defends his world/life against YG and DR, who have united to bring him down.

Resolution: RED is arraigned on a multitude of charges, facing the rest of his lift in jail.

DEATH ROW (DR) (Triangle)

Beginning: He’s a criminal, feared in the neighborhood where he grew up.

Inciting Incident: A big-time real estate developer begins trying to acquire every home and building to create a large development.

Turning Point 1: DR changes from criminal to activist, helping an elderly woman he once terrorized to keep her home.

Act 2: DR rallies the people to resist RED’s acquisition of all the properties, and when RED starts a condemnation proceeding to force the sale of all the property by imminent domain, DR helps them get an attorney to file a case in federal court.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: In response to RED’s increasingly aggressive and violent intimidation tactics, DR responds in kind, and ends up killing one of RED’s thugs, who is then made out to be an innocent.

Act 3: DR is charged with intentional homicide, convicted, and sentenced to death.

Turning Point 3: DR escapes, and ironically, goes on the run with YG, a disgraced federal judge.

Act 4 Climax: DR is on the run with YG.

Resolution: DR dies sacrificing himself to save YG, with the hope that he will take down RED and save his neighborhood.

YOUNG JUDGE (YG) (Protagonist)

Beginning: A young, pompous judge. Callously sentences DR to death/life in prison.

Inciting Incident: Receives a demand that he recuse himself from an upcoming case, or else. He ignores it and goes ahead and rules.

Turning Point 1: His key card for entering the courthouse has been deactivated, and US Marshals now want to arrest him rather than protect him.

Act 2: After unsuccessfully seeking help from the Chief Judge, he joins a wild escape in progress led by DR, the man he just sentenced to death/life in prison.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: YG tries to present proof of his innocence to the Chief Judge, but she is killed, and YG is framed for her murder.

Act 3: Works with DR to prove that RED is behind the killing of the Chief Judge and framing YG and DR.

Turning Point 3: YG discovers that his last ally, his law Clerk, has actually been working with RED all along, and aided in him being set up.

Act 4 Climax: YG and DR concoct a plan to expose RED and the Law Clerk. DR dies in the process.

Resolution: Having developed the qualities necessary to be a good judge, YG now disposes of cases compassionately, and in a scene that mirrors the opening, sentences another defendant.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Supporting Characters

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: I’m really finding that focusing on the Supporting Characters’ value is helpful, particularly how they impact the Protagonist.

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS:

Name: Young Female Law Clerk

Role: YG’s Law Clerk.

Main purpose: She is his confidant at the court; the person he will rely upon to handle his caseload. He’s also attracted to her, but has not acted on the attraction.

Value: She’s the Antagonist’s main ally; YG thinks she is an ally but she betrays him.

Name: Chief Judge

Role: Chief Judge; the senior judge who oversees the court and makes key administrative decisions.

Main purpose: She is YG’s nemesis at the court, a political and philosophical rival.

Value: Part red herring – we initially think she may be behind setting up YG; she resents him for both his youth and politics, and her early treatment of him helps create empathy for him.

Name: YG’s wife

Role: The soon-to-be ex-wife of YG.

Main purpose: She has remained married to YG and presented a façade of a happy marriage to help him get his judicial appointment, since a separation or divorce would have hurt his chances.

Value: She creates relatability for YG (failing marriage). Someone else he can reach out to for help and not get it. Another possible red herring.

Name: Muckraking Journalist

Role: An investigative journalist.

Main purpose: He is initially focused on YG (and hostile to him), but then begins to suspect YG has been set up.

Value: Potential ally for YG; source of exposition; aid to YG discovering the source of his downfall.

Name: Custodian

Role: Elderly custodian at the courthouse.

Main purpose: He is a silent and effectively invisible observer of the intrigue at the court.

Value: Creates likability for YG; an unexpected (and indispensable) ally.

Name: Corrupt US Marshal

Role: Female US Marshal.

Main purpose: Another ally of the Antagonist. YG views her and the other marshals as sources of protection, who quickly turn against him when he becomes a criminal suspect.

Value: The ally of the Antagonist who presents a direct, physical threat to YG. Ruthless killer.

BACKGROUND CHARACTERS:

Other judges

Other US Marshalls

Other Criminal Defendants

Other Criminals (being taken to jail)

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Character Profiles Part 2

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: Again, how easy and effective the “fill in the blanks” approach can be.

JUNIOR JUDGE

High Concept: A judge is set up for a crime he didn’t commit, and his only hope for clearing his name is the criminal he just sentenced to death.

This Character’s Journey: From a cold and heartless, conservative judge, to a compassionate and truly balanced judge.

Actor Attractors: Multiple layers; a young judge with a past; goes against stereotypes. Subtext: he’s hiding who he is; underneath the cocky veneer, he’s afraid of being identified as being unworthy of his position.

3. Brainstorm these profile components for each character.

7. Character Subtext: Hiding his juvenile criminal history.

8. Character Intrigue: Secrets

9. Flaw: Can’t look at their fears

10. Values: Glory; intelligence

11. Character Dilemma: Achievement vs. Honesty

DEATH ROW

High Concept: A life-long criminal has one last chance to redeem himself, and at the same time, bring down the rich businessman who sent him to jail.

This Character’s Journey: From facing a death sentence, to sacrificing himself to help another person [the Young Judge] bring down the businessman who destroyed both of their lives.

Actor Attractors: A troubled, flawed criminal, who has done many horrible things in his life, but ironically, was sentenced to death for a crime he didn’t commit, a punishment for his effort to truly be a hero.

3. Brainstorm these profile components for each character.

7. Character Subtext: Lying (to himself); in denial.

8. Character Intrigue: Secret Identity (as a hero)

9. Flaw: Undervalues himself

10. Values: Loyalty

11. Character Dilemma: Reputation as being “hard,” streetwise vs. being a good person

REAL ESTATE DEVELOPER

High Concept: After the Young Judge whose appointment he secured refuses to issue the judicial ruling necessary for his development to go forward, RE uses his political connections first to remove the judge from the case, and when he resists, to destroy his career.

This Character’s Journey: From wealthy and powerful, to disgraced and facing prison.

Actor Attractors: Like Noah Cross from Chinatown, but not a pedophile, just a driven sociopath that wants to leave a mark and “improve” the world, create a better “future” (affordable housing).

3. Brainstorm these profile components for each character.

7. Character Subtext: Plotting

8. Character Intrigue: Hidden Agenda

9. Flaw: Over-confidence

10. Values: Winning

11. Character Dilemma: wealthy/powerful vs being respected

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Character Profiles Part 1

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: Not so much learned but reinforced the effectiveness of just “filling in the blanks.

JUNIOR JUDGE:

High Concept: A judge is set up for a crime he didn’t commit, and his only hope for clearing his name is the criminal he just sentenced to death.

This Character’s Journey: From a cold and heartless, conservative judge, to a compassionate and truly balanced judge.

Actor Attractors: Multiple layers; a young judge with a past; goes against stereotypes. Subtext: he’s hiding who he is; underneath the cocky veneer, he’s afraid of being identified as being unworthy of his position.

Role in the Story: Protagonist

Age range and Description: 30. Highly intelligent. Youthful, hip. You could see him tending bar at a trendy club.

Core Traits: Proud, driven, highly intelligent, impulsive

Motivation; Want/Need:

Want: Respect

Need: To confront and stop hiding the crimes he committed as a teen.

Wound: What they can’t face: He killed someone when he was a teenager and is constantly afraid of this being discovered.

Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: Adored by (conservative) college students; kind to the elderly, courthouse custodian.

Relatability: Massive workload dumped on him as the new judge.

Empathy: wife leaving him now that he’s on the bench; humiliated by the Chief Judge in front of the other judges.

DEATH ROW:

High Concept: A life-long criminal has one last chance to redeem himself, and at the same time, bring down the rich businessman who sent him to jail.

This Character’s Journey: From facing a death sentence, to sacrificing himself to help another person [the Young Judge] bring down the businessman who destroyed both of their lives.

Actor Attractors: A troubled, flawed criminal, who has done many horrible things in his life, but ironically, was sentenced to death for a crime he didn’t commit, a punishment for his effort to truly be a hero.

Role in the Story: Triangle Character; he interfered with the Antagonist’s plan earlier, and paid the price

Age range and Description: Early 40s. An almost defeated man, worn down, but still a spark, ready to set one more fire.

Core Traits: brave, selfless, [apart from society]

Motivation; Want/Need:

Want: To expose and get revenge on the developer.

Need: Recognition for his sacrifice.

Wound: What they can’t face: That his life was destroyed not because of the bad he did (committing crimes), but because of his effort to do good.

Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: Elderly woman in the audience at his sentencing who adores him.

Relatability: Father a felon in prison his entire life, mother a drug addict; deck was stacked against him from the beginning.

Empathy: First seen in arm and leg shackles, a beaten and defeated man.

REAL ESTATE DEVELOPER

High Concept: After the Young Judge whose appointment he secured refuses to issue the judicial ruling necessary for his development to go forward, HE uses his political connections first to remove the judge from the case, and when he resists, to destroy his career.

This Character’s Journey: From wealthy and powerful, to disgraced and facing prison.

Actor Attractors: Like Noah Cross from Chinatown, but not a pedophile, just a driven sociopath that wants to leave a mark and “improve” the world, create a better “future” (affordable housing).

Role in the Story: Antagonist

Age range and Description: 60s, a polished and cultured businessman, who has no problem having people killed to close a deal.

Core Traits: amoral, driven, polite.

Motivation; Want/Need:

Want: To get the homes in the neighborhood condemned so he can move forward with his development.

Need: Constant affirmation.

Wound: What they can’t face: Failing, Losing.

Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likeability: He’s always polite and courteous, and that goes a long way.

Relatability: Unreasonable obstacles to his goals;

Empathy: Something he’s worked for years to accomplish taken away.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: Brainstorming ways to establish likability, relatability and empathy is a great way to come up with scenes for your first act.

YOUNG JUDGE

Likability:

–Adored by college students, who we learn at the end of the scene are Federalist-Society-type conservative.

–He’s rude and condescending to courthouse staff (clerks, marshals, even other judges), except the custodian.

Relatability:

–A huge docket; numerous cases assigned to him as the most junior judge. A seemingly impossibly large number of cases to get through.

Empathy:

–His wife is leaving him. They maintained the façade of a happy marriage to help him get appointed to the bench, but now that he’s on the bench, she’s done with him and she’s ready to move on – but we’re left with the feeling he had hoped they could work it out (this last part qualifies as empathy).

–The Chief Judge reprimands him (seemingly without justification) in front of all the other judges.

DEATH ROW

Likability

–Elderly woman in the audience for his sentencing – acts like he’s her grandson, but there’s no familial relationship.

Relatability

–As put forth by his defense attorney: father a felon in prison his entire life, mother a drug addict; deck was stacked against him from the beginning.

Empathy

–Arm and leg shackles, a beaten man.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Character Intrigue

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: A continuing struggle – to remain open to new things and not get locked into a particular story too early.

Character Name: YOUNG JUDGE (YG)

Role: Antagonist; a young, newly appointed, conservative judge.

Hidden agendas: Prevent his juvenile crimes from being discovered.

Competition: With the older, liberal judge (this is what we first see of him). And this is especially triggered when she suggests re-assigning the eminent domain case.

Conspiracies: With DR, to avoid arrest; with DR, to discover who framed him.

Secrets: He murdered someone in his youth.

Secret Identity: Criminal, like the very people he’s willing sentence to death or long prison sentences.

Character Name: DEATH ROW (DR)

Role: The career criminal who YG has just sentenced to death, and who hold the key to YG disproving the false allegations against him.

Hidden agendas: Protecting the innocent people in his neighborhood who will lose their homes if the development goes forward; he’s not helping YG with the hope of clearing himself, but to expose those planning to destroy his community with their development.

Secrets: His reason for committing the murder that gave rise to his death sentence:

Secret Identity: Hero

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Bob DeCarli.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Subtext Characters

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: Again, to remain open to new ideas and remain willing to continue discovering my story.

Example Movie:

Movie Title: PASSENGERS

Character Name: JIM PRESTON

Subtext Identity: Stalker

Subtext Trait: Guilt-ridden; vulnerable

Subtext Logline: A man stranded alone on a space ship, falls in love with a fellow passenger, asleep for the duration of the flight, and awakens her, damning her to the fate he faces: dying on the spaceship before it reaches its destination.

Possible Areas of Subtext: Every interaction with Aurora, the fellow passenger he woke up. She begins caring for him in large part because she thinks they both had the same bad luck of their pods malfunctioning. That, and the fact that he’s the only game in town. But every time she expresses sadness over their situation, or states her misconception that it was bad luck for both of them, he feels guilty for having intentionally placed her in the situation that he got into because of bad luck.

My Movie:

Title: LEST YE BE JUDGED

Concept: A judge is set up for a crime he didn’t commit, and his only hope for clearing his name is the criminal he just sentenced to death.

The two leads have opposite subtext: YG has a criminal background he’s trying to hide, and DR acted like a hero, and he’s trying to conceal it because although the truth would absolve him, it would also mean harm coming to those he was trying to protect.

Character Name: YOUNG JUDGE

Subtext Identity: Criminal

Subtext Trait: Concealing

Subtext Logline: [YG] is a conservative judge, falsely accused of a crime who, unknown to his accusers, is guilty of a far greater crime that he’s desperately trying to conceal.

Possible Areas of Subtext:

ACT 1:

–Is overly tough-on-crime

–Oddly kind and sympathetic to the elderly custodian at the courthouse.

ACT 2:

–Runs when threatened with arrest.

–Seems overly frightened by the accusation; it’s an alleged financial crime, seems like it could be disproven.

–End of Act 2 (midpoint), YG’s crime is revealed to the audience.

ACT 3:

–Near the end of the Act, the blackmailers discover YG’s secret.

ACT 4: Stops concealing his criminal background, prompted to “come clean” by the heroic example of DR, who sacrifices himself.

Character Name: DEATH ROW

Subtext Identity: Hero

Subtext Trait: In denial

Subtext Logline: DEATH ROW is a career criminal who, though he is unwilling to admit it, is more motivated by a desire to protect the vulnerable than to steal.

Possible Areas of Subtext:

ACT 1:

–Despite the urging of his defense attorney, DR makes no effort to defend himself or explain his actions.

ACT 2:

–The assumption is that he’s helping YG in order to get his conviction and/or sentence set aside, but it’s really to secure help protecting the vulnerable group that, by killing for them to protect them, resulted in his conviction and death sentence.

ACT 3:

–He sacrifices himself, in order to protect

ACT 4:

[dead so absent from the final act]

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Actor Attractors

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: To remain open to new ideas for who my characters are, and not feel locked in to a story which, at this point, is just a brief outline.

Movie Title: LEST YE BE JUDGED

Lead Character JUNIOR JUDGE:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

A variation on the lead in AMERICAN PSYCHO, except he’s a judge and he redeems himself. He initially appears to be the victim, wrongly accused of a crime that threatens to destroy his career, but it’s ultimately revealed that he DID DO the crime he’s accused of, although in a different way, and the people “framing him” don’t know this. He’s as much of a criminal as those he sentences in his courtroom, but he ultimately arguably redeems himself, and learns how to be a judge, actually deserving the position.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

Multiple layers:

Top 1 – a self-absorbed, Federalist Society judge

Layer -1: a criminal whose history, if known, would have prevented him from becoming a judge. He did do the crime he’s framed for, but not in the exact way that he’s been set up, and those setting him up don’t know it (initially).

Layer -2: A victim himself as a child, and the reveal and remembering of this experience leads him to adopting the characteristics necessary to actually be a good judge.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

–first appearance, a frat boy flirting with a woman, immediately after which it’s revealed he’s a judge and the young woman is his law clerk.

–mercilessly rules from the bench, sentencing a man to death with barely any thought.

–When confronted with law enforcement trying to arrest him, he first begs for help (from a fellow judge), then runs away.

–He joins forces, by necessity, with the man he just sentenced to death.

–He plots the kidnapping of a US Senator.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

–He presented as the last person in the world you’d want to have as a judge, by showing how he acts in private, then he walks out and takes the bench.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

–Fear (of being arrested and spending his life behind bars)

–Depression to the point of being on the verge of suicide.

–Anger (when he discovers who set him up)

–Kind (to the lowliest)

6. What subtext can the actor play?

–he’s hiding who he is; underneath the cocky veneer, he’s afraid of being identified as being unworthy of his position (imposter syndrome?).

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

–with DEATH ROW, the guy he sentenced to death, and with whom he is now on the run.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Evasion, hiding his motives, in contrast with a direct approach one would expect of someone on the bench.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

We rarely see judges presented as real people, much less as a deeply flawed person who is basically a criminal.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

Evading arrest in his own courtroom.

Lead Character DEATH ROW:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

A troubled, flawed criminal, who has done many horrible things in his life, but ironically, was sentenced to death for a crime he didn’t commit.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

He’s a life-long criminal, who spent his life doing the wrong thing. Then, when he makes the right choice, it results in a criminal charge for murder and a death sentence.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

He does not kill or seek revenge against the JUDGE, who just sentenced him to death, but instead agrees to help him.

He puts himself in a position that will ultimately get him killed

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Attempting to give an impassioned speech – out of order – in the courtroom, just after he’s sentenced to death. When we first read/see it, it’s assumed to be all a lie, but it’s ultimately revealed to be the truth.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

Anger, fear for the likely death of himself, later bravery in the face of death, horror at witnessing the death of an innocent, joy/laughing as a release in a tense situation

6. What subtext can the actor play?

Scheming.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With the Judge, who is in many ways his mirror image.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

He comes off as a criminal (because he is), therefore most of his actions are assumed to be purely out of self-interest, but his moral code is that “innocents” should not be harmed.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

A hardened criminal who faces a death sentence because he did the right thing for once.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

–Impassioned speech at the beginning

–Willingly walking into death, knowing that he will die, with the hope of revealing the bad guys, which is in direct contrast with an earlier scene where he runs from the threat of death.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Actor Attractors for PASSENGERS

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: At least based on this movie, playing a wide range of emotions is what most attracts A-list actors.

Jim Preston:

1. Actor notoriety – Wants to be known for this part: A very flawed hero, whose heroic actions at the end still do not entirely make up for the horrible thing he did.

2. Character that is most interesting in movie: He’s a good person who does a horrible thing for selfish reasons, albeit understandable given the circumstances.

3. Takes most interesting actions in the story: He does the unthinkable: awakens Aurora, his fellow passenger, so that she, too, will die on spaceship before it reaches its destination.

4. Outstanding Introduction: Him struggling with being awaken from hibernation 90 years to early and being the only human awake on the ship.

5. Range of emotions the actor can play: Almost the complete range of emotions: anger, sadness, suicidal, happy, vulnerable.

6. Subtext the actor can play: For almost half of the movie/screenplay, every interaction with Aurora is guilt-ridden, knowing that he put her in the situation that she’s in, and he’s HIDING that from her.

7. Relationships that are interesting: With Aurora: first obsession with an image, then actually coming to know and love the real person.

8. Unique Voice expressed through dialogue and action: He’s a mechanic, a handyman, who gets pleasure from building and fixing things.

9. Something truly special about this character: Not a highly educated man, but smart, earnest, hardworking, yet too weak to handle loneliness to the point that he’s willing to ruin someone else’s life to save his own.

Aurora Lane:

1. Actor notoriety – Wants to be known for this part:

2. Character that is most interesting in movie: A smart, driven woman who finds out that the man she’s fallen in love with is responsible first for destroying her life: how does one deal with that?

3. Takes most interesting actions in the story: She rightfully lashes out – and comes close to killing – him, when she learns he took her out of hibernation. Then, at the end, risks her own life to save Jim, after he has sacrificed his own life to save the ship.

4. Outstanding Introduction:

5. Range of emotions the actor can play: Again, a very wide range of emotions: love, curiosity, joy, sadness, rage, fear.

6. Subtext the actor can play: She views her life as a writing assignment, viewing everything she experiences as potential subject matter.

7. Relationships that are interesting: With Jim. First she pities and sympathizes with his suffering, then she begins enjoying his company, she begins to love him, then intensely hates him once she learns what he did to her, and finally returns to living him after forgiving him for what he did when she witnesses his heroics

8. Unique Voice expressed through dialogue and action: She’s a reporter, interviewing and investigating.

9. Something truly special about this character: She’s strong, and was willing to go on this great adventure, but in actuality was running away from herself and her life.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Genre Conventions

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: That, at least at the moment, I primarily have a thriller, rather than an action/thriller.

Act 1:

Opening:

A young man, well dressed, suit, with a younger, very attractive woman. Office setting. Seems like the young woman has a crush on the man – he pretends to ignore it. Gossiping. We don’t know who the hell these two are or what they do. Then Man says get down to business, and it’s revealed he’s a judge and she’s his law clerk, and they’re discussing the cases that are before them.

Law Clerk brings up condemnation case, but the Judge says it’s easy. Expresses no sympathy for the residents – he couldn’t care less about them – but the government can’t force people to sell their homes for a big development, even if the development would be a nice change from the dumpy little homes. Second, sentencing in a capital murder case. Controversial, but he was appointed based on his promise that he would uphold the death penalty.

Inciting Incident: Anonymous, ominous demand that the Judge absent himself from the bench the next day. Or else.

His key card isn’t working, so he’s unable to get inside the courthouse through the [back] entrance. But a custodian recognizes him and lets him in.

In Chambers, his Law Clerk (in retrospect) looks surprised to see him. They go out, and Judge takes the bench.

First of the cases they discussed before, sentencing in the capital murder case. He quickly sentences the Defendant to death.

Judge calls up the second case.

Turning Point: U.S. Marshalls with guns drawn, rush into the courtroom. The just-sentenced defendant drops to the floor, thinking they’re there for him. But they’re there to arrest the Judge.

Act 2:

Reaction: Goes to the Chief Judge, and asks for assistance (and we’ve had a setup already that they have a bad relationship and she’s been hostile to him). She tells him she can’t help him. Nothing personal. She tells him what she’d tell her best friend: turn himself in.

New plan: A Wild Escape Plan: Join an EXISTING escape plan that the man he just sentenced to death is a part of. He disguises himself as the Guard driving the prisoner transport.

Plan goes wrong: Everyone except him and Death Row are killed. He’s going to leave Death Row chained in the transport but releases him and takes him with him when Death Row yells, “I know who framed you” or “I can clear your name.”

Plan in action:

–Death Row agrees to tell what he knows to the Chief Judge, at the Junior Judge’s insistence. Death Row is skeptical: She never liked Junior. What makes him think she’s not part of the plan to frame him? They manage to both get back inside the courthouse, with Junior actually managing it by acting with humility and getting someone to whom he previously was rude to help him.

Midpoint Turning Point: Junior and Death Row manage to get in to speak with the Chief Judge. It looks like she’s beginning to believe them – when she’s killed by a gunshot through a window and the gun used is tossed in through the window, framing the two of them for the murder.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: He cannot convince someone else of his innocence without opening his mind to the possibility that many of the defendants he’s sentenced were actually innocent.

New plan: Junior Judge is now convinced his sponsor, SENATOR NOAH CROSS, is behind the plot to frame him, and framed Death Row for murder. They concocts a plan to gain access to the Senator and confront him, with the help of his Law Clerk, the only person he believes is still loyal to him, who will help him clear his name.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: He witnesses the killing of his Law Clerk. Before him is presented with a gun, and evidence making it look like the Junior Judges was obsessed with the Law Clerk and he killed her because she rejected his sexual advances. He is told there is only one way out for him: committing suicide.

Act 4:

Figures out that none of this is about the murder case, but the condemnation case he was supposed to hear. Realizing that he appears guilty even though he’s innocent, he begins to think that perhaps Death Row actually is guilty. Pledges to help clear his name.

Junior Judge and Death Row concoct a plan to coerce the Senator into clearing both of them by strongly making the case that the Senator is behind the murder of the Junior Judge’s Law Clerk.

Junior Judge and Death Row confront the Senator, and it looks like their plan is succeeding – but then the Law Clerk appears at the Senator’s side! She was behind the plot to frame the Junior Judge all along, having alerted the Senator that the Judge would make the wrong ruling on the condemnation case.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Junior Judge and Death Row come up with some tricky, brilliant way to both clear themselves AND expose the Senator and the Law Clerk. [OBVIOUS PLACEHOLDER]

Resolution:

Now having developed the true qualities necessary to be a wise judge, the Junior Judge disposes of a case compassionately, the scene mirroring the first sentencing scene, and showing how he has changed.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: What I constantly need to re-learn and be reminded of – to keep moving forward knowing that it’s not “perfect” and I don’t have all the answers.

CONCEPT: A judge is set up for a crime he didn’t commit, and his only hope for clearing his name is the criminal he just sentenced to death.

Main Conflict: The Junior Judge has been framed for a crime he didn’t commit, and must fight to clear himself before being arrested and jailed.

Old Ways:

-rude and demanding

-close-minded & Judgmental

-self-centered and egotistical

New Ways:

-Open-minded

-Confident but Humble

-Compassionate

Act 1:

Opening: A young, pompous JUNIOR JUDGE gossiping with his LAW CLERK about random stuff, then walking out into the courtroom and sentencing a man to death, with zero compassion or concern.

Inciting Incident: Anonymous, ominous demand that he either recuse himself from an upcoming case or resign from the bench. Or else.

Turning Point: His key card to enter the courthouse has been deactivated and Federal Marshalls, rather than protecting him, are there to arrest him.

Act 2:

Reaction: Goes to the Chief Judge, and asks for assistance (and we’ve had a setup already that they have a bad relationship and she’s been hostile to him). She tells him she can’t help him. Nothing personal. She tells him what she’d tell her best friend: turn himself in.

New plan: A Wild Escape Plan: Join an EXISTING escape plan that the man he just sentenced to death is a part of. He disguises himself as the Guard driving the prisoner transport.

Plan goes wrong: Everyone except him and Death Row are killed. He’s going to leave Death Row chained in the transport but releases him and takes him with him when Death Row yells, “I know who framed you” or “I can clear your name.”

Plan in action:

–Death Row agrees to tell what he knows to the Chief Judge, at the Junior Judge’s insistence. Death Row is skeptical: She never liked Junior. What makes him think she’s not part of the plan to frame him? They manage to both get back inside the courthouse, with Junior actually managing it by acting with humility and getting someone to whom he previously was rude to help him.

Midpoint Turning Point: Junior and Death Row manage to get in to speak with the Chief Judge. It looks like she’s beginning to believe them – when she’s killed by a gunshot through a window and the gun used is tossed in through the window, framing the two of them for the murder.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: He cannot convince someone else of his innocence without opening his mind to the possibility that many of the defendants he’s sentenced were actually innocent.

New plan: Junior Judge is now convinced his sponsor, SENATOR NOAH CROSS, is behind the plot to frame him, and sets out to gather evidence to prove hit. [PLACEHOLDER]

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: He witnesses the killing of his Law Clerk, the only person he believed was still loyal to him, and upon whom he was counting to help clear his name. Evidence revealed making it look like the Junior Judges was obsessed with the Law Clerk and he killed her because she rejected his sexual advances.

Act 4:

The Junior Judge finally accepts that Death Row is actually innocent, and pledges to clear his name, despite having given up on clearing his own name. He realizes that the Senator who sponsored his nomination was the person who framed both him and Death Row.

Junior Judge and Death Row concoct a plan to expose the Senator for being behind the murder of the Junior Judge’s Law Clerk.

Junior Judge and Death Row confront the Senator, and it looks like their plan is succeeding – but then the Law Clerk appears at the Senator’s side! She was behind the plot to frame the Junior Judge all along, with the promise that she would get the nomination to replace him.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Junior Judge and Death Row come up with some tricky, brilliant way to both clear themselves AND expose the Senator and the Law Clerk. [OBVIOUS PLACEHOLDER]

Resolution:

Now having developed the true qualities necessary to be a wise judge, the Junior Judge disposes of a case compassionately, the scene mirroring the first sentencing scene, and showing how he has changed.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Subtext Plot

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and actors can call on when they need someone to save the day, and get paid handsomely to do that.

What I learned: To be open about discovering/changing my story in this early development phase. Specifically, I’m leaning heavily right now to changing my Antagonist (elevating a secondary character and demoting my current Antagonist to secondary character status).

Primary Subtext Plot – Layering: Every main character has something major to hide

–the CHIEF JUDGE had originally assigned DEATH ROW’s case to another judge with the understanding that the other judge would be lenient, but when that judge was out sick, it ended up in the court of the JUNIOR JUDGE.

–The CHIEF JUDGE allowed herself to become a pawn of NOAH CROSS (a corrupt power broker, I initially conceived of his as a secondary character, but I’m now leaning toward him being the Antagonist, and “demoting” the CHIEF JUDGE to secondary character status. Kind of like the Colin Farrell )

–DEATH ROW knows JUNIOR JUDGE is innocent of the crime he’s accused of because DEATH ROW is the one who actually committed the crime. But DEATH ROW agrees to help JUNIOR JUDGE with the hope that JUNIOR JUDGE will set aside his sentence and/or conviction, and because he knows he will likely be killed in jail on the order of NOAH CROSS.

–JUNIOR JUDGE is not guilty of the crime he’s accused of (and was framed for), but actually is guilty of some other crime. His efforts to keep concealed the crime that he actually committed hinder his efforts to clear his name of the crime he did NOT commit and has been accused of.

Secondary Subtext Plot – Competitive Agendas

The Junior Judge is a Conservative and the Chief Judge is a Liberal, and that is the basis of their “natural” hostility to each other.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Transformational Journey

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and actors can call on when they need someone to save the day, and get paid handsomely to do that.

What I learned: the importance of the transformational journey for reader/audience engagement.

JUNIOR JUDGE (Protagonist)

Arc Beginning: A newly appointed judge, not fit for the position.

Arc Ending: An ideal judge, fair, impartial, thoughtful.

Internal Journey: From egotistical and self-centered to open-minded and humble.

External Journey: From a criminal defendant’s nightmare to a person with the intellect and demeanor to make the best decisions.

Old Ways:

-heartless

-close-minded

-egotistical

New Ways:

-Open-minded

-Humble

-Compassionate

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Intentional Lead Characters

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and actors can call on when they need someone to save the day, and get paid handsomely to do that.

What I learned: Actually, what I keep having to learn – how to move forward without having all the answers and being good with knowing that what I’ve just created is not perfect.

LEST YE BE JUDGED: A judge is set up for a crime he didn’t commit, and his only hope for clearing his name is the criminal he just sentenced to death.

Character: JUNIOR JUDGE (Protagonist)

Logline: Junior Judge is a recently-appointed federal judge, formerly a conservative podcaster, who is wrongly accused of a crime, placing his new career and liberty in jeopardy.

Unique: A hard-ass judge who has been framed for a crime; new to the judiciary, so we learn as he does.

Character: DEATH ROW (Antagonist)

Logline: Death Row is a career criminal who has just been sentenced to death by my Protagonist.

Unique: A murderer sentenced to death – and he’s actually guilty.

Character: CHIEF JUDGE (Triangle)

Logline: The Chief Judge of the District who worked hard to achieve her position, and resents Junior, the new appointee, to such a degree, that she’s willing to violate her own principles.

Unique: An ethical, older judge who is pushed to do bad things out of hatred and resentment for the new, young judge, who she views as a dilettante.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and actors can call on when they need someone to save the day, and get paid handsomely to do that.

What I learned: Or maybe what I hope I’ve learned – that I can use the Dramatic Triangle character structure to craft a great thriller.

Title: LEST YE BE JUDGED

Concept: A judge is set up for a crime he didn’t commit, and his only hope for clearing his name is the criminal he just sentenced to death.

Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle

[Bob DeCarli]

Hi everybody,

My name is Bob DeCarli. I have written several feature screenplays, as well as a pilot. My most recent screenplay, an action/thriller, caught the attention of a high-level manager who, although he did not sign me, has been open to hearing my concepts and providing feedback on them.

My immediate goal is to complete two more action scripts that exceed the quality of the one that caught the manager’s attention. I hope to gain the skills to write more top quality scripts quickly and consistently.

A little about me:
–I’m married with an an eight-year-old son.
–My wife has been EXTREMELY tolerant of my pursuit of a screenwriting career.
–I live in Mendocino, CA.
–My first career was as an attorney, a highlight of which was arguing before the US Supreme Court.
–I served as a volunteer firefighter/EMT for several years, thereby gaining some interesting perspectives and story ideas.
–I spend too much money on vinyl records.
–I still have laserdiscs.

I look forward to working with and getting to know you all.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Bob DeCarli.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Bob DeCarli.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Likability/Empathy/Justification

What I learned: I found that, when using the fill in the blank approach, I can create more when I do several run throughs of the steps, filling as many in as possible on one run, then adding more on the next. On this one, I ended up adding several key things when I incorporated the answers in my outline.

1. Brainstorm answers to Likability/Empathy / Distress/Justified for your Hero.

LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY

A. Other people like or respect the character.

In his job at [customs/border/point of entry] admin/low level people like and respect him. People who aren’t as strong as him look at him as nice.

B. The character shows love for something.

C. They’re trying to do something good.

Big backup of people trying to get in the country; he speeds up the process; pregnant woman, something. [suspense we think Henchman #1 is going to make it through]

D. Save the cat — rescue or do something good for someone else.

Bends rules to help pregnant woman who’s having a minor medical emergency get through customs/entry point quicker.

E. Funny, humorous, witty.

Self-deprecating, humble demeanor.

F. Kindness.

He shows kindness and respect for subordinates, people who lack power.

G. Good moral decisions and actions. Being on the right side.

In contrast to one of his tough guy colleagues, he’s trying to be the good guy rather than the tough guy.

EMPATHY / DISTRESS

A. Undeserved misfortune.

Accidentally kills a young boy. He’s truly innocent and there is no reprimand or punishment, but HE can’t forgive himself.

B. External Character conflicts.

C. Plot intruding on life.

The bad guy’s rep shows up at his home to gently request the return of THE DEVICE.

D. Moral dilemmas.

Keeps THE DEVICE that he took from Henchman #1 secret, and keeps it for himself rather than turning it over and trying to explain to others what he experienced.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make.

Shooting someone in self-defense after he’s foresworn violence.

F. Wound attacked.

He’s derided for losing his edge, turning into a pacifist.

JUSTIFICATION

A. The character or their family abused.

He’s laughed at by his fellow/former cop colleagues.

B. Threatened by others.

Bad Guy’s Consiglieri threatens him, in a very subtle and polite way.

C. The Hero is the victim of attacks.

After firmly but politely declining the Consiglieri’s request, his home invaded by bad guys’ thugs.

D. They’ve suffered major losses.

E. The Villain or their representatives have trespassed.

Bad Guy’s Consiglieri knows all the Hero’s secrets, having accessed every computer file and electronic data there is about him.

2. Organize them into a sequence that happens in the first Act of your script and tell us the story in a concise form (like I did for John Wick and Salt above).

At the beginning of the script, the Hero is a [drug interdiction officer], and is in the midst of an intense chase sequence, the Hero accidentally kills a young boy. He’s truly innocent and there is no reprimand or punishment, but HE can’t forgive himself, so he has sworn off any violence or use of force, and even refuses to carry a gun.

He’s then derided for losing his edge, turning into a pacifist, and regularly laughed at by his fellow/former cop colleagues. But he responds with self-deprecating, humble demeanor.

The Hero takes a new job, basically working security at [customs/border/point of entry]. In his position, he shows kindness and respect for subordinates, people who lack power. The admin/low level people he works with like and respect him. People who aren’t as strong as him look at him as nice. In contrast to one of his tough guy colleagues, he’s trying to be the good guy rather than the tough guy.

On day, there is a big backup of people trying to get through customs (and henchman #1 is in the line). Bends rules to help pregnant woman who’s having a minor medical emergency get through customs/entry point quicker. Henchman #1 attempts to move through during the chaos. TOUGH GUY colleague escalates things, but Hero intervenes, and diffuses the situation. Henchman #1 drops THE DEVICE. Hero picks it up, just as Henchman #1 pulls gun, Tough Guy colleague cowers/flounders, fumbles drops his gun. Hero – who does not carry a gun – instinctively dives toward the gun and picks it up and shoots Henchman #1, preventing him from killing Tough Guy.

The Hero is horrified that he’s shot and killed someone after swearing off violence, even though the shooting was in self-defense and defense of a colleague. But he keeps THE DEVICE that he took from Henchman #1 secret, and keeps it for himself rather than turning it over and trying to explain to others what he experienced He is out on leave pending the investigation of the shooting, although he is told not to worry. He goes home.

The bad guy’s rep, his Consiglieri. shows up at his home to gently request the return of THE DEVICE. The Consiglieri threatens him, in a very subtle and polite way. The Consiglieri knows all the Hero’s secrets, having accessed every computer file and electronic data there is about him. Pushes all the buttons that would set off most people, but again, he responds with self-deprecating humor. The Hero denies knowledge of the Device’s existence, But the Consiglieri shows high resolution video of the Hero pocketing the item. He points out to the Hero that, as a member of law enforcement, had no lawful right to keep it, as he did, but the rightful owner has no wish to ruin his career. The rightful owner is willing to pay a handsome finder’s fee for the return of THE DEVICE. Nevertheless, the Hero politely but firmly declines the request.

After declining to return it, his home invaded by bad guys’ thugs to kill him and take the device. Yet, although it would be much easier to kill his attackers in order to defend himself, he does not do so.

3. Decide which ideas you’d like to keep and add them to your structure/plot

/outline.

Answers incorporated into existing outline.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Story Map

What I learned: Again, learning/working on moving forward knowing that it’s nowhere near final and I will change things in the future.

OPENING: HERO in heated battle, killing bad guys left and right. He succeeds it catching his main target, but in doing so, causes the death of a Young Child.

[M 1] MOTIVATION: After being devastated by accidentally killing a child in the line of duty, the Hero has forsworn violence and killing, and is particularly driven to stop bloodshed.

[V 1] DELIVERY: THE DEVICE is nearly in the Villain’s hands. His TRUSTED ASSISTANT has arrived in the country and need only pass through customs with a black object in the shape of a deck of cards.

[A 1] **Initial CHASE by Hero of Henchman #1, then FIGHT, when he tries to get through customs. It initially seems to the Hero like just another smuggler trying to escape after he’s been caught smuggling contraband.

INCITING INCIDENT:

[M 2] Hero picks up THE DEVICE. HENCHMAN #1 from whom it was confiscated pulls a gun and Hero shoots him in self-defense. This propels the Hero back in time, to the [defining moment in the Henchman’s life].

[M 3] FIRST ACTION: Hero sees Henchman #1 [planting explosive device]. Hero rushes to stop him. The Hero FAILS when he is apparently killed, which propels him back to the Present, immediately after when he killed Henchman #1.

***Back in the Present, law enforcement colleagues surround him, saying he had no choice. It’s as if no time passed after shooting Henchman #1.

[M 4] INVESTIGATES/SEARCHES: Hero, back in the Present, tries to discover who Henchman #1 was, and what exactly it was that he saw in the past, although he’s not completely convinced it wasn’t just a hallucination.

[V 3] PROPOSAL/GENTLE APPROACH: No attack at first. The Villain sends his EMISSARY to request that the Hero return THE DEVICE to its rightful owner. The Hero claims to have no knowledge of THE DEVICE. The Emissary shows the Hero high resolution video showing him pocketing THE DEVICE. The Emissary points out that the Hero, as a member of law enforcement, had no lawful right to keep it, as he did, but the rightful owner has no wish to ruin his career. The rightful owner is willing to pay a handsome finder’s fee for the return of THE DEVICE.

[V 4] SURVEILLANCE: Multi-tiered surveillance of the Hero by an unseen viewer who can see the Hero’s texts, internet browsing, audio and video of him within his home. Something indicates that the Hero might be considering running away. Orders attack.

[V 5] ATTACK: The Villain sends a team of HENCHMAN to retrieve THE DEVICE from the Hero. But the Hero survives, while managing to avoid killing any of the Henchman.

[V 6] MEETING: Out first view of the Villain, the Emissary explains how the Hero managed to defeat “our most dreaded assassins” without using lethal force, incapacitating all of them. “A cop who doesn’t kill people? That’s a new one.” Explain Incident in which he killed a child. We can exploit that. Introduce the Villain’s SECRETARY/ASSISTANT, and that she has a child (photo on her desk).

ACT 1 TURNING POINT:

[M 5] The Hero discovers the where and what Henchman #1 was doing. He rushes to stop it, but is too late. A major terror attack. Thousands dead. Russians or Chinese blamed. The country/world now on the path to WWIII. But Hero convinced it was something/someone else. Hero commits to traveling back to the past to prevent it.

[M 6] TWIST: In Apartment of Henchman #1, finds out he worked for the RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD.

[M 7] AMBUSH: HENCHMAN #2 crashes in with a gun. Big fight, with it clear that Henchman #2’s goal is to get the DEVICE. Henchman #2 gets it, laughs, holds it in his hand. Is about to shoot Hero, but Hero kicks him/slams something into him, causing him to drop THE DEVICE. HERO catches it, and shoots Henchman #2 a split second before he shoots the Hero.

[M 8] SECOND ACTION: In the DECISIVE MOMENT in Henchman #2’s past [What’s H2 doing? What does Hero witness and try to stop?] Again, Hero killed in the Past and returns to the Present, where he finds that he had been shot by H2, just not fatally. In this DECISIVE MOMENT, Henchman #2 is the victim, he’s beaten, tortured by a stepfather. Stepfather stumbles on Hero, and shoots him, sending him back to the Present.

[M 9] INVESTIGATES/SEARCHES: Hero discovers the where and when he needs to be to prevent the Terrorist attack, but how can he get there? He is unwilling to kill anyone.

[M 10] ESCALATION: Someone is stalking the Hero. He discovers that he’s being followed, just in time.

MID-POINT:

[M 11] TWIST Mother of Young Boy killed in the terrorist attack approaches Hero, urges him to kill her so he can travel back in the past to save her son. Previously revealed she’s the Villain’s personal assistant, she explains how the device works: a death at the hands of the user necessary to travel back in time. She tricks Hero into killing her.

[M 12] THIRD ACTION. Hero in the Parent’s past. Learns quickly she is actually an employee of the Richest Man. The Parent, now looking incredibly beautiful, passes Hero and gives him a knowing look. Hero succeeds in the action needed to thwart the Terrorist Attack before it occurs, but dies in the process, sending him ack to the present.

[M 13] APPARENT SUCCESS: The Hero returns to the Present and learns that he did indeed stop the terrorist attack from ever happening.

[M 14] TWIST: Shortly after learning of his “success,” the Hero is arrested for the killing of the Parent and the device confiscated from him. The Parent approaching him was all a setup to enable the Richest Man to obtain THE DEVICE and frame him for the terrorist attack.

[M 15] HERO CAUGHT: Hero is locked in a jail cell. He lies down on his jail cell bed.

[M 16] TWIST: Police Chief hands the Richest Man THE DEVICE and the Richest Man immediately kills the Police Chief.

ACT 2 TURNING POINT:

[M 17] TWIST Hero’s bed, cell, city jail, everything disappears, and the Hero finds himself lying on the ground in the middle of overgrown ruins. And Hero discovers Villain’s real plan, which has now succeeded.

[M 18] APPARENT DEFEAT, VILLAIN PREVAILS: Hero and Reader see the Villain’s ideal world achieved:

–cities abandoned, empty, decaying.

–small estates of people living lives of leisure and luxury, all work performed by robots. He recognizes one of the happy people: the “Parent” who he killed at her urging.

–Horrific Discovery #1: automated, robotic bulldozers moving piles of bodies into recycling/composting facilities.

–Horrific Discovery #2: Video footage showing [the Cleansing]

CRISIS: –Villain confronts him, but is welcoming. Hero can now be part of this better, sustainable world where mankind can survive indefinitely living in harmony with nature, conserving the Earth’s natural resources.

–Hero grabs a hold of THE DEVICE, holds up a gun, and points it at the Villain. Villain looks at him incredulously. “Where can you go? And who are you going to kill? Me? So your whole nonviolence thing is a joke?” Hero points the gun at his head, puts the gun in his mouth, and fires.

[M 19] — BACK IN THE PAST/ACTION. Right before he killed the kid, the defining moment in his life. And this time, he does not kill the kid.

[M 20] NEW PLAN: Race/fights with Villain to get to VILLAIN EARLIER VERSION to prevent the Villain from convincing/forcing his earlier self to make the fateful choice. Instead get him to make “the third choice.”

CLIMAX: Bigger battle because in this reality, ALL of the Villain’s Henchmen who had previously died are here. Mother of killed Young Boy appears, acts like she’s going to help Hero, then SHE tries to kill him as well. But Hero succeeds in preventing the killing of the Villain’s co-founder, which was the change that enabled the Altered Present.

[A 8] ***RACE and FIGHT to get to the Villain, Earlier Version. Bigger battle because in this reality, ALL of the Villain’s Henchmen who had previously died are here. Mother of killed Young Boy appears, acts like she’s going to help Hero, then SHE tries to kill him as well. But Hero succeeds in preventing the killing of the Villain’s co-founder, which was the change that enabled the Altered Present.

[V 13] VILLAIN’S DEFEAT. In the past at the key point for the company, the Villain from the Present is tricked into killing the earlier version of himself, and fades away to nonexistence.

RESOLUTION: Everything back to an Improved Normal. No Villain. Co-Founder went on to achieve everything the Villain did (think Steve Wozniak having led Apple instead of Steve Jobs). Even the child Hero accidentally killed at the begin alive in the Improved Normal. Ends with Hero destroying the Device.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Action Structure

What I Learned: Made some new discoveries, and did so by allowing myself to fill in these blanks knowing that I would be able to elevate some or all of them in the future.

Opening: HERO in heated battle, killing bad guys left and right. He succeeds it catching his main target, but in doing so, causes the death of a Young Child.

Inciting Incident:

Hero is thrown back into the past after he kills Henchman #1 in self-defense.

Act 1 Turning Point:

Major terror attack. Thousands dead. Hero commits to traveling back to the past to prevent it.

Mid-Point: Mother of Young Boy killed in the terrorist attack approaches Hero, urges him to kill her so he can travel back in the past to save her son. Previously revealed she’s the Villain’s personal assistant, she explains how the device works: a death at the hands of the user necessary to travel back in time. She tricks Hero into killing her.

Act 2 Turning Point: Hero returns to an Altered Present where the Villain has achieved his goal of decimating humanity’s population.

Crisis: After obtaining the Device and confronting the Villain, the Hero declines the opportunity to live in the Altered Present, and kills himself in order to travel back in time to undo the Villain’s actions.

Climax: Bigger battle because in this reality, ALL of the Villain’s Henchmen who had previously died are here. Mother of killed Young Boy appears, acts like she’s going to help Hero, then SHE tries to kill him as well. But Hero succeeds in preventing the killing of the Villain’s co-founder, which was the change that enabled the Altered Present.

Resolution: Everything back to an Improved Normal. No Villain. Co-Founder went on to achieve everything the Villain did (think Steve Wozniak having led Apple instead of Steve Jobs). Even the child Hero accidentally killed at the begin alive in the Improved Normal. Ends with Hero destroying the Device.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Action Track!

What I learned: I will need to make sure my script is an ACTION script instead of a THRILLER. I will need to brainstorm more action scenes that move the story forward, but below is my attempt at moving forward without to much self-criticism.

ACTION QUESTIONS:

A. Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show up in this movie?

Rescue

Fight

Chase/Pursuit

Escape/Evade

Interrogation

Dangerous Situations

B. Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for this track?

Fights with the Villain’s Henchmen,

C. How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a climax in the 3rd Act?

Action as just one on one, between the Hero and who seems to be a common smuggler, but escalates with more people opposing the Hero, then increasing stakes: (a) Hero discovers the power of THE DEVICE; (b) a Young Boy’s death; (c) the death of most of humanity, so all action initiated by the Hero in Act 3 is to undo the reality created by the Villain.

TYPES OF ACTION I’LL USE:

Rescue

Fight

Chase/Pursuit

Escape/Evade

Interrogation

Dangerous Situations (I have not included any but will work on adding)

SEQUENCE OF ACTION SCENES:

**Initial CHASE by Hero of Henchman #1, then FIGHT, when he tries to get through customs. It initially seems to the Hero like just another smuggler trying to escape after he’s been caught smuggling contraband.

**FIGHT, when Henchman (or Henchmen) come to kill Hero and retrieve the Device, after Hero rejects offer from Villain’s Emissary to buy it. Henchman seems to have won, has the device, but puts it down before shooting Hero, allowing Hero to prevail.

**GUNFIGHT (in the past), when Hero tries to stop Villain’s agent from planting explosive.

**AMBUSH, BIGGER GUNFIGHT – Villain’s Henchmen again attack Hero, in a public place. Hero survives, but a YOUNG BOY is killed instead – not Hero’s fault but he thinks it is.

**PURSUIT/EVADE – Unknown person following Hero. Seems like Her has successfully evaded the person, but ends with Hero arriving at his own home, and someone is waiting for him with a gun.

**CHASE, then BATTLE – in the past, with Hero chasing then battling Henchman in order to prevent the Young Boy from getting killed. Hero succeeds.

**INTERROGATION, by Hero of Villain, in Altered Present

***RACE and FIGHT to get to the Villain, Earlier Version. Bigger battle because in this reality, ALL of the Villain’s Henchmen who had previously died are here. Mother of killed Young Boy appears, acts like she’s going to help Hero, then SHE tries to kill him as well.

**RESCUE of the co-founder.

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by  Bob DeCarli.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Villain Track!

What I learned: I found that this track differs from the plot points, such as they are, in the Hero’s Mission, but I worked at staying open to what came from this step, figuring that I would reconcile everything later.

1. VILLAIN TRACK QUESTIONS

A. The Villain’s Pre-Existing Plan to accomplish an evil outcome. To decimate the Earth’s population to create a sustainable future. Chosen people, selected from the elite, can live “in harmony with nature,” so the Earth’s resources are not depleted. He realizes that he could have already accomplished this by now (the Present of the movie), had he done certain things differently in the past. So when he discovers the existence of THE DEVICE, that enables travel back in time to the past, his plan is to obtain THE DEVICE to travel back in time.

The Villain had a partner, Steve Wozniak to Steve Jobs, who guided the company down the path it took. He plans to kill his partner in the past.

B. How many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero?

–Have him killed.

–Frame him for a crime

Frame the Hero for the terrorist attack! This seems like the obvious thing he would do. HOWEVER, how and why would a terrorist attack be part of the Villain’s plan? Maybe drop the idea?

Make it smaller – like the death of a single child. That fits with the Villain’s wound, and would still have the Mother character. Also, it keeps the story smaller.

C. What advantage does the Villain have and how can they exploit that in this movie?

He has every advantage over the Hero. He is the richest man in the world. He regularly pays money to control government, meaning he can have the Hero arrested. And when the power of government doesn’t work, he has unlimited resources to pay for non-government assets to attack, capture, and kill the Hero.

D. What would be a “fitting end” for this Villain where they pay for what they’ve done?

To keep with the conventions of the genre, it’s probably NOT a good idea to have the Villain rehabilitated, but have him killed in the past, and the Villain’s co-founder, rather than being pushed out of the company, stays on and leads it to a more positive Present/Future.

So rather than the Villain killing his co-founder, he gets himself killed in the past.

2. STEPS OF THE VILLAIN’S PLAN

1. DELIVERY: THE DEVICE is nearly in the Villain’s hands. His TRUSTED ASSISTANT has arrived in the country and need only pass through customs with a black object in the shape of a deck of cards.

2. BLOCKED: The Hero, working a customs checkpoint, obtains THE DEVICE after killing the TRUSTED ASSISTANT in self defense.

3. PROPOSAL/GENTLE APPROACH: No attack at first. The Villain sends his EMISSARY to request that the Hero return THE DEVICE to its rightful owner. The Hero claims to have no knowledge of THE DEVICE. The Emissary shows the Hero high resolution video showing him pocketing THE DEVICE. The Emissary points out that the Hero, as a member of law enforcement, had no lawful right to keep it, as he did, but the rightful owner has no wish to ruin his career. The rightful owner is willing to pay a handsome finder’s fee for the return of THE DEVICE.

4. SURVEILLANCE: Multi-tiered surveillance of the Hero by an unseen viewer who can see the Hero’s texts, internet browsing, audio and video of him within his home. Something indicates that the Hero might be considering running away. Orders attack.

5. ATTACK: The Villain sends a team of HENCHMAN to retrieve THE DEVICE from the Hero. But the Hero survives, while managing to avoid killing any of the Henchman.

6. MEETING: Out first view of the Villain, the Emissary explains how the Hero managed to defeat “our most dreaded assassins” without using lethal force, incapacitating all of them. “A cop who doesn’t kill people? That’s a new one.” Explain Incident in which he killed a child. We can exploit that. Introduce the Villain’s SECRETARY/ASSISTANT, and that she has a child (photo on her desk).

7. TRAP. Henchmen again sent to kill Hero and retrieve THE DEVICE. But they again fail – but this time end up killing a YOUNG BOY.

8. TRICK: Hero learns who the mother of the Young Boy is, who we know to be the Secretary/Assistant of the Villain

9. TRICK: The Secretary/Assistant approaches Hero, asking for his help. Explains to him how THE DEVICE works. A life must be taken to travel back in time, and you then go to the place and time most significant to the person who died.

10. TRICK/ATTACK. Not sure the specifics of this one, but the Villain’s people attack the Hero tricking the Hero into killing the Villain’s co-founder. The Hero is then killed.

11. HERO WINS: The Hero finds an Altered Present, where the Villain has completely achieved his sustainability goals.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Hero’s Mission Track

What I learned: Again, a lot of fruitful brainstorming from just setting out to fill in the blanks. And of course, I’m keeping all the questions open for future changes.

1. MISSION TRACK QUESTIONS TO DISCOVER HERO’S MISSION

A. What is it about this Hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds?

He has forsworn violence and killing, so he would do anything to “undo” the killing of 100s/1000s of innocents.

B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal?

Two pronged – first figuring out how a terrorist attack was committed, then thwarting it by traveling back in time to stop it before it takes place.

C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero?

Internal: Haunted by his accidental killing of a child.

External: The Villain wants him dead or out of the way so he can retrieve THE DEVICE.

D. Imagine that missions playing out across a story. What could naturally happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain? Discovering how the terrorist attack took place, traveling back in time to stop it.

2. OUTLINE OF THE MISSION

MOTIVATION: After being devastated by accidentally killing a child in the line of duty, the Hero has forsworn violence and killing, and is particularly driven to stop bloodshed.

INCITING INCIDENT: Hero picks up THE DEVICE. HENCHMAN #1 from whom it was confiscated pulls a gun and Hero shoots him in self-defense. This propels the Hero back in time, to the [defining moment in the Henchman’s life].

FIRST ACTION: Hero sees Henchman #1 [planting explosive device]. Hero rushes to stop him. The Hero FAILS when he is apparently killed, which propels him back to the Present, immediately after when he killed Henchman #1.

INVESTIGATES/SEARCHES: Hero, back in the Present, tries to discover who Henchman #1 was, and what exactly it was that he saw in the past, although he’s not completely convinced it wasn’t just a hallucination.

DISCOVERY/FIRST TURNING POINT: The Hero discovers the where and what Henchman #1 was doing. He rushes to stop it, but is too late. BIG EXPLOSION, thousands of people dead. Russians or Chinese blamed. The country/world now on the path to WWIII. But Hero convinced it was something/someone else.

TWIST: In Apartment of Henchman #1, finds out he worked for the RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD.

AMBUSH: HENCHMAN #2 crashes in with a gun. Big fight, with it clear that Henchman #2’s goal is to get the DEVICE. Henchman #2 gets it, laughs, holds it in his hand. Is about to shoot Hero, but Hero kicks him/slams something into him, causing him to drop THE DEVICE. HERO catches it, and shoots Henchman #2 a split second before he shoots the Hero.

SECOND ACTION: In the DECISIVE MOMENT in Henchman #2’s past [What’s H2 doing? What does Hero witness and try to stop?] Again, Hero killed in the Past and returns to the Present, where he finds that he had been shot by H2, just not fatally.

INVESTIGATES/SEARCHES: Hero discovers the where and when he needs to be to prevent the Terrorist attack, but how can he get there? He is unwilling to kill anyone.

ESCALATION: Someone is stalking the Hero. He discovers that he’s being followed, just in time.

TWIST: The Stalker is actually a PARENT of a child victim of the Terrorist Attack who [somehow] knows about THE DEVICE and how the Hero can use it [Will need setup(s)]. The Parent urges the Hero to kill her. The Hero resists, but the Parent succeeds in tricking him into killing her.

THIRD ACTION. Hero is the Parent’s past. Learns quickly she is actually an employee of the Richest Man. The Parent, now looking incredibly beautiful, passes Hero and gives him a knowing look. Hero succeeds in the action needed to thwart the Terrorist Attack before it occurs, but dies in the process, sending him ack to the present.

APPARENT SUCCESS: The Hero returns to the Present and learns that he did indeed stop the terrorist attack from ever happening.

TWIST: Shortly after learning of his “success,” the Hero is arrested for the killing of the Parent and the device confiscated from him. The Parent approaching him was all a setup to enable the Richest Man to obtain THE DEVICE.

HERO CAUGHT: Hero is locked in a jail cell. He lies down on his jail cell bed.

TWIST: Police Chief hands the Richest Man THE DEVICE and the Richest Man immediately kills the Police Chief.

TWIST: Hero’s bed, cell, city jail, everything disappears, and the Hero finds himself lying on the ground in the middle of overgrown ruins. And Hero discovers Villain’s real plan, which has now succeeded.

APPARENT DEFEAT, VILLAIN PREVAILS: Hero and Reader see the Villain’s ideal world achieved:

–cities abandoned, empty, decaying.

–small estates of people living lives of leisure and luxury, all work performed by robots. He recognizes one of the happy people: the “Parent” who he killed at her urging.

–Horrific Discovery #1: automated, robotic bulldozers moving piles of bodies into recycling/composting facilities.

–Horrific Discovery #2: Video footage showing [the Cleansing]

–Villain confronts him, but is welcoming. Hero can now be part of this better, sustainable world where mankind can survive indefinitely living in harmony with nature, conserving the Earth’s natural resources.

–Hero grabs a hold of THE DEVICE, holds up a gun, and points it at the Villain. Villain looks at him incredulously. “Where can you go? And who are you going to kill? Me? So your whole nonviolence thing is a joke?” Hero points the gun at his head, puts the gun in his mouth, and fires.

BACK IN THE PAST/ACTION

–Back to right before he killed the kid, the defining moment in his life. And this time, he does not kill the kid.

NEW PLAN: Race/fights with Villain to get to VILLAIN EARLIER VERSION to prevent the Villain from convincing/forcing his earlier self to make the fateful choice. Instead get him to make “the third choice.”

Hero succeeds in getting the Villain Earlier Version to make the better choice, but is shot by the Villain, just before the Villain fades into nonexistence as a result of the decision made by his earlier self.

Hero mortally wounded, knows he dying, but ok with that, knowing that he prevented the apocalypse.

Returns
to the Present. All is well. He still is a cop. The Villain not a bad guy. And
although the Hero no longer has the traumatic event in his past, he resigns from
the force anyway, to pursue his “dream job” [Need a setup] But is last action as
a cop is to destroy THE DEVICE. Places it in a truck loaded with guns from a
buyback program being sent to be destroyed.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Hero and Villain

What I Learned: The process of “just filling in the blanks” worked extremely well, sparking some quick, on-the-fly brainstorming.

Concept:

· Hero Morally Right: He has forsworn killing and indeed all violence, so he will do whatever is necessary – short of killing – to stop a terrorist attack from taking place by stopping it in the past.

· Villain Morally Wrong: He’s willing to kill hundreds of millions of people to achieve his goal of an Earth with far fewer humans, thereby decreasing consumption of the Earth’s natural resources. He is not only willing to kill hundred/thousands in a terrorist attack, but worse, wishes to go back to the past himself so that 90% of humanity dies in order to achieve a bright, new, environmentally friendly world with far fewer humans consuming the Earth’s resources.

Hero

· Unique Skill Set: Genius level intelligence.

· Motivation: Literally save the world, or at least 90% of its inhabitants.

· Secret or Wound: he adopted a stance of non-violence, after mistakenly killing a child in the line of duty. He’s a sort of conscientious objector cop.

Villain

· Unbeatable: He is the Richest Man in the World!

· Plan/Goal: After spending years searching for THE DEVICE, he wants to use it to travel back to a key point in history to change it, thereby creating an alternate timeline where 90% of humanity dies.

The Hero thinks the Villain’s plan is a terrorist attack that kills thousands in order to drive up the value of his stock, which the Hero witnesses and travels back in time to prevent. But the Villain actually staged the terrorist attack in order to prompt the Hero to travel to the past where he can be killed so that he does not obtain THE DEVICE.

The “key point in history” is actually when the Villain was a young man, and had he made a different decision than the one he [really] made, 90% of humanity would have ended up dead.

· What they lose if Hero survives: The plan he has worked for his entire life: creating a green, sustainable Earth, with a population of only 10% of Earth’s current population.

Impossible Mission

· Puts Hero in Action: He travels back in time to prevent the terrorist attack

· Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: His adversary is the richest man in the world, who has virtually unlimited resources to draw upon.

· Destroy the Villain: By sabotaging his plan, preventing him from obtaining THE DEVICE, and ultimately defeating the Villain by insuring that the Villain’s Younger Self makes a THIRD CHOICE. It’s not the one that led to the Villain becoming who he initially was, and not the deadly choice the Villain wishes he made, but a third choice that makes everyone happy (basically something that eradicates the Villain’s wound, thereby turning him into a good guy).

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Conventions!

What I Learned: The process of using the conventions of a genre to create a concept, in order to insure that the concept conforms to the genre’s conventions (and viewers’ expectations).

CONCEPT: A cop who has sworn off violence can stop a terrorist attack by time traveling. The catch? He must murder someone each time he travels back in time.

Highly Skilled Hero: Once a skilled police sniper (and before that, a member of the special forces), he gave up not only killing, but violence of any kind, after mistakenly killing an innocent.

Demand for Action: An impending terrorist attack.

Mission: Stop the attack by going back in time to prevent it.

Antagonist: A Bill-Gates-type environmentalist who wants to save the environment by depopulating the Earth.

Escalating
Action: More and more people attacking him by traveling back into the past to
block his efforts to thwart the attack.

[Bob DeCarli]

I, Bob DeCarli, agree to the terms of this release form.

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I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone
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4. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or
have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can
independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or
movie idea.

5. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for
any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted
work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from
marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents,
managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment
industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for Writing Killer Action Scripts.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Bob DeCarli.