Bob Kiely
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BOB KIELY’S HORROR OUTLINE – 3rd Version
What I’ve learned is using this novel format for me, wherein the plot gets subordinated to the emotional horror situations, but for the horror genre, seems to work well. It gets you really to think about and create the type of horror expectations the horror fans want to see, first and foremost, be scarred seeing real horror. Also appreciated the writers reviews of the outline, which were very helpful and incisive. I now feel that I can write a horror script and plan to write two, one being the subject case.
Strange occurrences and death occur to the builders and buyers of a new condo project built upon an old forgotten union military cemetery circa 1860
1. EXTERIOR – CEMETERY CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
A bulldozer is moving earth in a new condo project built upon an old forgotten cemetery. The developer of the project visits the site and orders the operator to push 6 gravesites to the far end of the lot, in violation of his agreement with the town to disinter and re-bury the graves.
HORROR SITUATION:
. APPREHENSION: The bulldozer operator feels weird that the dozer keeps shutting off.
. ANXIETY: The developer tells him to plow over the gravesites.
. SUSPENSE: The operator sees an old woman in a shroud in the far end of the cemetery.
. SURPRISE: He jumps down into a SINKING ground.
. SHOCK: He feels himself sinking more SWIFTLY into the earth.
. MONSTER REVEAL: The power and ire of the unknown monster is revealed.
. ANGUISH: When he realizes he’s a goner.
. HYSTERIA: Screams turn gurgles in the mud as he is totally and rudely submerged into the ground.
. RELEASE: All is quiet with no hint at the horror that had just unfolded .
2. JOHN AND ANNE’S CONDO – NIGHT
First night in their new home, Anne and John make love and go to sleep. Anne is awoken by strange the sound of a wailing lamenting woman and later by a loud thud. She awakens John to help investigate the strange sounds.
HORROR SITUATION:
. APPREHENSION: Anne is awoken by a wailing sound.
. FEAR: She is very scared roaming around her new digs looking for the source of the wailing. Looks up at the HVAC venting grill. Goes back to bed.
. SHOCK: The LOUD THUD wakes her up panting.
. SUSPENSE: Searching with John for the source of the loud thud.
. DREAD: The hear a noise in the closet. Both fear what’s in there.
. RELEASE: When her cat emerges from closet and they see that she knocked the golf clubs down.
. DENIAL: John dismisses Anne’s earlier apprehension.
3. INT. BASEMENT ROOM – DAY
Six of the new buyers have a meeting about a range of strange occurrences in the building. They agree to have the town building inspector come and inspect the premises. He arrives by himself and goes to the basement to inspect. Anne plans to come down shortly.
HORROR SITUATION:
. SURPRISE: The inspector seeing through a fog the outline of hooded entity coming toward him through what appears to be an opening to a tunnel off the unused storage room.
. MONSTER REVEAL: Still a vague persona, he can see the entity’s red eyes.
. SHOCK: The entity can be seen as a witch-like old woman tells him she considers him as one of those responsible for the desecration of the gravesites.
. DREAD: As the witch advances toward him.
. PANIC: When he sees witch is going to kill him.
. ANGUISH: When Anne comes down and sees the blood oozing from under the door to the room.
4. INT. BASEMENT ROOM – DAY
There is another board meeting to discuss the bizarre death of the inspector. Buyers, Steve and Peter, dismiss any consideration that it wasn’t just a natural accident. They all go down to the room where the inspector was killed. Steve decides to go into a tunnel. We hear blood curdling screams as he meets his end. His lover goes in to help.
HORROR SITUATION:
. APPREHENSION: Some in the group have trepidation on the expedition..
. ANXIETY: As they enter the room where the inspector was slain.
. DENIAL: Steve dismisses the threatening situation.
. SUSPENSE: Having to wait for Steve to come back.
. RELEASE: Hearing him says everything OK and he’s coming back.
. ANGUISH: Hearing the screams of Steve.
. MONSTER REVEAL: Monster escalates her lethal vengeance.
. PANIC: The group is besides themselves, particularly Peter.
. RELEASE: The calming presence of John who has come into the room.
. SURPRISE: Peter jumps up and tries to go into the room to retrieve his partner.
. RELEASE: John restrains him.
. SURPRISE: Peter darts off into the tunnel.
. ANGUISH: The group waiting for Peter’s fate.
. RELEASE: Peter coming back into the room.
. SHOCK: Peter is in physical shock, as all are emotionally.
5. INT. BASEMENT TUNNEL – NIGHT
In Anne and John’s unit, the buyers, Bill and Donna, discuss the now apparent adversity they are in. Bill is an attorney and Donna is his realtor wife. He arrogantly feels he can go in and confront the witch and convince her to negotiate for a “cease and desist.” LOL
HORROR SITUTION:
. APPREHENSION: All are gravely concerned over the unknown outcome of this proposed meeting with the witch.
. FEAR: The group gingerly follows Bill into the tunnel.
. CREEPY MOMENT: The tunnel is damp and fetid and filled with spiders and rats.
. DREAD: The women are particularly repelled by the slimy sub-ground creatures.
. SHOCK: A bat flies closely over the heads of the entourage. DOUBLE SHOCK: Another bat wizzes by.
. DREAD: The women are very scared to go on.
6. INT. TUNNEL – NIGHT – LATER
HORROR SITUATION:
The witch emerges and agrees to hear Bill’s mock court case. His aurguments don’t convince the witch and she encloses him in a cell. She tells the other to leave as she’ll decide on his fate. The group except for Bill and return to the basement room. Donna, locks them in as she doesn’t want to be among the six souls the witch demands in retribution for the six violated grave sites. The only salvation now is to find an escape hatch through the tunnel or its offshoots. John goes in, leaving Anne alone in the room.
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DREAD: Having been locked in the room, John and Anne know they are trapped and must use the tunnel to find Bill and help him escape.
. ANXIETY: John ventures into the tunnel. Anne stays behind.
. SHOCK: John finds Bill’s head on a pike.
. FEAR: Anne is terrified being alone in the room and enters the tunnel.
. CREEPY MOMENTS: Anne has to negotiate over spiders and a snake withering over her foot.
. SHOCK: She is jumped from behind and tightly held by an unseen man.
. RELEASE: Anne is released by the homeless squatter who jumped her. He’s dressed in a tattered union army uniform.
. HOPE: She is buoyed by the hope of finding John and getting out of this hell hole.
. SURPRISE: Sees the shadow of what they believe is the witch.
. RELEASE: Turns out to be Anne’s cat.
. SUSPENSE: They see another more menacing shadow.
. RELEASE: Shadow turns out to be John .
. PANIC: Witch in hot pursuit.
. RELEASE: Squatter leads to hidden cave where he sleeps.
. HOPE: They resume their escape and run.
. TERROR: They get to the escape hatch and witch materializes in front of them.
. HYSTERIA: Looks like no escape and all are doomed.
. RELEASE: Squatter volunteers his life (military valor) to make up the 6th victim. John and Anne escape through the hatch. Forcefield around the condo grounds shuts down and police and emergency rescue vehicles descend on the scene. Lights go back on in the condo.
THE END.
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Hi Pamela,
I read your outline and thought it had a lot of horror elements to it, but I would suggest tightening it up more and reducing the lesson to maybe 3 pages of the most important horror situations. Your script has a lot of colorful characters interacting and their actions fill up a lot of exposition. As I understand the lesson, it’s purpose was to present several of the horror situations and keeping the descriptions to the most essential and pithy, minimal presentations. Hard act to follow however, as your script seems filled with many character interactions. Re. the descriptive parts, I noticed that there are several lines of what the character are thinking or feeling and less of the dramatizations of their actions, which is what viewers will see or hear.
Re the horror situations, those that you gave are good representations of the stages of the low to high elements with appropriates breaks for relief so it seems you have the formula down, but it was relegated to a lesser position than the plot progression, which again, is not wrong, but not the focus of the exercise, as I understand it.
But, overall, seems like a real good atmosphere for a horror story and while I know it’s very hard to concisely paint a short, concise picture of a story progression in a couple of pages, I would strive for clarity over too much exposition. I don’t know if for a short exercise like this, that you need to present as many characters as you did, but maybe narrow it down to the essential main ones to eliminate confusion and have them dramatically show the horror. Maybe think of what you would show in a “trailer,” or say to a producer in an “elevator pitch” and cut non-essential parts and BG out.
Let me also say I’m by no means an expert in horror, as my writing background is otherwise, and this course for me is my first venture into the genre, so take it for what it’s worth:)
Look forward to your thoughts on my horror situation version 2 which is posted. If you have any trouble accessing it, just let me know. Best
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Looking for someone to review my 3rd version and/or exchange critques. Best
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BOB KIELY’S HORROR OUTLINE – VERSION 2
Strange occurrences and death occur to the builders and buyers of a new condo project built upon an old forgotten “potter’s field” cemetery.
What I’ve learned is in this lesson is to focus on the horror map of the story and make the scene descriptions short and pithy.
1. EXTERIOR – CEMETERY CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
A bulldozer is moving earth in a new condo project built upon an old forgotten cemetery. The developer of the project visits the site and orders the operator to push 6 gravesites to the far end of the lot, in violation of his agreement with the town to disinter and re-bury the graves.
HORROR SITUATION:
. APPREHENSION: The bulldozer operator feels weird that the dozer keeps shutting off.
. ANXIETY: The developer tells him to plow over the gravesites.
. SUSPENSE: The operator sees an old woman in a shroud in the far end of the cemetery.
. SURPRISE: He jumps down into a SINKING ground.
. SHOCK: He feels himself sinking more SWIFTLY into the earth.
. MONSTER REVEAL: The power and ire of the unknown monster is revealed.
. ANGUISH: When he realizes he’s a goner.
. HYSTERIA: Screams turn gurgles in the mud as he is totally and rudely submerged into the ground.
. RELEASE: All is quiet with no hint at the horror that had just unfolded .
2. JOHN AND ANNE’S CONDO – NIGHT
First night in their new home, Anne and John make love and go to sleep. Anne is awoken by strange the sound of a wailing woman and later by a loud thud. She awakens John to help investigate the strange sounds.
HORROR SITUATION:
. APPREHENSION:Anne is awoken by a wailing sound.
. FEAR:She is very scared roaming around her new digs looking for the source of the wailing. Goes back to bed.
. SHOCK: The LOUD THUD wakes her up panting.
. SUSPENSE: Searching with John for the source of the loud thud.
. DREAD: The hear a noise in the closet. Both fear what’s in there.
. RELEASE: When cat emerges from closet and see that she knocked the golf clubs down.
. DENIAL: John dismisses Anne’s earlier apprehension.
3. INT. BASEMENT ROOM – DAY
The new buyers have a meeting about a range of strange occurrences in the building. They agree to have the town building inspector come and inspect the premises. He arrives by himself goes to the basement to inspect. Anne comes down later.
HORROR SITUATION:
. SURPRISE: The inspector seeing through a fog the outline of hooded entity coming toward him through what appears to be an opening to a tunnel off the room.
. MONSTER REVEAL: Still a vague persona, he can see the entity’s red eyes.
. SHOCK: The entity can be seen as a witch-like old woman tells him she considers him as one of those responsible for the desecration of the gravesites.
. DREAD: As the witch advances toward him.
. PANIC: When he sees witch is going to kill him.
. ANGUISH: When Anne comes down and sees the blood oozing from under the door to the room.
4. INT. BASEMENT ROOM – DAY
There is another board meeting to discuss the bizarre death of the inspector. Buyers, Steve and Peter, dismiss any consideration that it wasn’t just a natural accident. They all go down to the room where the inspector was killed. Steve decides to go into a tunnel. We hear blood curdling screams as he meets his end. His lover goes in to help.
HORROR SITUATION:
. APPREHENSION: Some in the group have trepidation on the expedition..
. ANXIETY: As they enter the room where the inspector was slain.
. DENIAL: Steve dismisses the threatening situation.
. SUSPENSE: Having to wait for Steve to come back.
. RELEASE: Hearing him says everything OK and he’s coming back.
. ANGUISH: Hearing the screams of Steve.
. MONSTER REVEAL: Monster escalates her lethal vengeance.
. PANIC: The group is besides themselves, particularly Peter.
. RELEASE: The calming presence of John who has come into the room.
. SURPRISE: Peter jumps up and tries to go into the room to retrieve his lover.
. RELEASE: John restrain him.
. SURPRISE: Peter darts off into the tunnel.
. ANGUISH: The group waiting for Peter’s fate.
. RELEASE: Peter coming back into the room.
. SHOCK: Peter is in physical shock, as all are emotionally.
5. INT. BASEMENT TUNNEL – NIGHT
In Anne and John’s unit, the buyers, Bill and Donna, discuss the now apparent adversity they are in. Bill is an attorney and Donna is his realtor wife. He arrogantly feels he can go in and confront the and convince her to negotiate for a “cease and desist.”
HORROR SITUTION:
. APPREHENSION: All are gravely concerned over the unknown outcome of this proposed meeting with the witch.
. FEAR: The group gingerly follows Bill into the tunnel.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>. CREEPY MOMENT: The tunnel is damp and fetid and filled with spiders and rats.
. DREAD: The women are particularly repelled by the slimy sub-ground creatures.
. SHOCK: A bat flies closely over the heads of the entourage. DOUBLE SHOCK: Another bat wizzes by.
. DREAD: The women are very scared to go on.
6. INT. TUNNEL – NIGHT – LATER
HORROR SITUATION:
The witch emerges and agrees to hear Bill’s mock court case. His aurguments don’t convince the witch and she encloses him in a cell. She tells the other to leave as she’ll decide on his fate. The group except for Bill and return to the room. Donna, locks them in. The only salvation now is to find an escape hatch through the tunnel or its offshoots. John goes in, leaving Anne alone in the room.
.
DREAD: Having been locked in the room, John and Anne know they are trapped and must use the tunnel to find Bill and help him escape.
. ANXIETY: John ventures into the tunnel. Anne stays behind.
. SHOCK: John finds Bill’s head on a pike.
. FEAR: Anne is terrified being alone in the room and enters the tunnel.
. CREEPY MOMENTS: Anne has to negotiate over spiders and a snake withering over her foot.
. SHOCK: She is jumped from behind and tightly held by an unseen man.
. RELEASE: Anne is released by the homeless squatter who jumped her.
. HOPE: She is buoyed by the hope of finding John and getting out of this hell hole.
. SURPRISE: Sees the shadow of what they believe is the witch.
. RELEASE: Turns out to be Anne’s cat.
. SUSPENSE: They see another more menacing shadow.
. RELEASE: Shadow turns out to be John .
. PANIC: Witch in hot pursuit.
. RELEASE: Squatter leads to hidden cave where he sleeps.
. HOPE: They resume their escape and run.
. TERROR: They get to the escape hatch and witch materializes in front of them.
. HYSTERIA: Looks like no escape and all are doomed.
. RELEASE: Squatter volunteers his life to make up the 6th victim. John and Anne escape through the hatch. Forcefield goes off and police and emergency rescue vehicles descend on the scene. Lights go back on in the condo.
THE END.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by Bob Kiely.
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That’s OK as there must be a few horror scenes that contain the various elements we learned so that’s more imp than the form of the script, for the purposes of the assignment. Feel free to critique mine and I’ll do yours later today. Best
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by
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BOB KIELY’S HORROR OUTLINE – LESSON 15
What I learned is firstly to retrain myself from writing action elements and just presenting the horror map. Novel but worthwhile experience for this genre. Good exercise for creating tension in scenes.
Version 1.
Logline: Bad things happen when a greedy developer builds a condo project on the site of an old, forgotten historic graveyard.
Horror Map:
1. EXTERIOR – CEMETERY CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
HORROR SITUATION:
. Apprehension: The bulldozer operator feels weird that the machine keeps shutting off.
. ANXIETY: When the developer tells him to plow over the gravesites.
. SUSPENSE: He sees old woman in shroud in the far end of the cemetery.
. SURPRISE: When he jumps down into a sinking ground.
. SHOCK: When he feels himself sinking more swiftly into the earth.
. MONSTER REVEAL: The power and ire of the unknown monster is revealed.
. ANGUISH: When he realizes he’s a goner.
. HYSTERIA: Screams turn gurgles in the mud as he is totally and rudely submerged into the ground.
. RELEASE: All is quiet with no hint at the horror that had just unfolded .
2. JOHN AND ANNE’S CONDO – NIGHT
HORROR SITUATION:
. Apprehension: Anne is awoken by a wailing sound.
. Fear: She is very scared roaming around her new digs looking for the source of the wailing. Goes back to bed.
. SHOCK: The LOUD THUD wakes her up panting.
. SUSPENSE: Searching with John for the source of the loud thud.
. DREAD: Both fear what’s in the closet.
. RELEASE: When cat emerges from closet and see that she knocked the golf clubs down.
. DENIAL: John dismisses Anne’s earlier apprehension.
3. INT. BASEMENT ROOM – DAY
HORROR SITUATION:
. SURPRISE: The inspector seeing through a fog the foggy visage of the witch.
. MONSTER REVEAL: Still a vague persona, the witch demonstrates her unearthly power.
. SHOCK: That the witch is holding him as one of those responsible for the desecration of the gravesites.
. DREAD: As the witch advances toward him.
. PANIC: When he sees witch is going to kill him.
. ANGUISH: When Anne sees the blood.
4. INT. BASEMENT ROOM – DAY
HORROR SITUATION:
. APPREHENSION: Some in the group have trepidation on the expedition..
ANXIETY: As they enter the room where the inspector was slain.
. DENIAL: Steve dismisses the threatening situation.
. SUSPENSE: Having to wait for Steve to come back.
. RELEASE: Hearing him says everything OK and he’s coming back.
. ANGUISH: Hearing the screams of Steve.
. MONSTER REVEAL: Monster escalates her lethal vengeance.
. PANIC: The group is besides themselves, particularly Peter.
. RELEASE: The calming presence of John who has come into the room.
. SURRPRISE: Peter jumps up and tries to go into the room to retrieve his lover.
. RELEASE: He is restrained by John.
. SURPRISE: Peter darts off into the tunnel.
. ANGUISH: The group waiting for Peter’s fate.
. RELEASE: Peter coming back into the room.
. SHOCK: Peter is in physical shock, as all are emotionally.
5. INT. BASEMENT TUNNEL – NIGHT
HORROR SITUTION:
. APPREHENSION: All are gravely concerned over the unknown outcome of this proposed meeting with the witch.
. FEAR: The group gingerly follows Bill as he is directed by the unseen monster.
. CREEPY MOMENT: The tunnel is damp and fetid and filled with spiders and rats.
. DREAD: The women are particularly repelled by the slimy sub-ground creatures.
. SHOCK: A bat flies closely over the heads of the entourage. DOUBLE SHOCK: Another bat wizzes by.
. DREAD: The women are very scared to go on.
6. INT. TUNNEL – NIGHT
HORROR SITUATION:
. DREAD: Having been locked in the room, John and Anne know they are trapped and must use the tunnel to find Bill escape.
. ANXIETY: John ventures into the tunnel.
. SHOCK: John finds Bill’s head on a pike.
. FEAR: Anne is terrified being alone in the room and enters the tunnel.
. CREEPY MOMENTS: Anne has to negotiate over spiders and a snake withering over her foot.
. SHOCK: She is jumped from behind and tightly held by an unseen man.
. RELEASE: Anne is released by the homeless squatter.
. HOPE: She is buoyed by the hope of finding John and getting out of this hell had.
. SURPRISE: Sees the shadow of what they believe is the witch.
. RELEASE: Turns out to be her cat.
. SUSPENSE: They seee another more menacing shadow.
. RELEASE: Shadow turns out to be John .
. PANIC: Witch in hot pursuit.
. RELEASE: Squatter leads to hidden cave where he sleeps.
. HOPE: They resume their escape and run.
. TERROR: They get to the escape hatch and witch materializes n front of them.
. HYSTERIA: Looks like no escape and all is doomed.
. RELEASE: Squatter volunteers his life to make up the 6th victim. Forcefield goes off and police and emergency rescue vehicles descend on the scene.
THE END.
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BOB KIELY’S SCARY-AS-HELL SCENE
What Iv’e learned in this exercise is that the emotional mapping works well as a foundation for the horror genre. Build the scare and wrap the story details and plot around it. It was a different methodology for me, but seemed to work quite well and in short order.
My Scene: Anne is left alone in the locked sub-basement room while her husband, John, goes into the witch’s tunnel to find a way out.
Beginning emotion: Isolated and Anxiety
In between emotion: Suspense, fear, dread, shock
Ending emotion: Panic and dread
ISOLATION: Anne is left bye herself in the locked sub-basement room.
ANXIETY: She has terrible anxiety when John doesn’t return.
SUSPENSE: Anne ventures into the dangerous tunnel.
FEAR: She has great fear in dealing with the subterranean creatures, spiders, snakes and yuck.
DREAD: She is shocked when she sees ominous shadows cast on the tunnel walls.
RELEASE: The cat emerges as the source of the threatening shadows.
SHOCK: She is grabbed from behind by an unknown person.
PANIC: She fights for her freedom against the strong hold he has her in.
RELEASE: She is released by the man who turns out to be a harmless squatter.
SURPRISE: They find John.
DREAd: Anne fears John may be dead.
RELEASE: They find him.
PANIC: The witch is in pursuit.
HYSTERIA: They run but a hampered by the witch’s power.
DREAD: They make it to the escape hatch and Anne gets out, but John and the squatter are caught by the witch.
John leaves Anne alone in the locked sub-basement room and goes into the dangerous tunnel to find an escape hatch. When he doesn’t return, she boldly ventures forth into the tunnel to find him.
She can hardly see where she’s going int he dark dimly lit tunnel. It’s covered with spiders, a snake and a foul smelling bed of yuck, but she keeps going.
She sees a light further down the tunnel, and ominous shadows being cast against the wall. She holds her breath in fear. The shadows grow bigger until she is about to scream until her cat emerges as the source of the shadow.
She is jumped by a homeless squatter who lives in the tunnel maze. He turns out to be a helper to find John and lead them to an escape hatch.
They do find John deeper in the tunnel and Anne is about to run up to him, but the witch descends on John and he barely escapes her clutches. John and Anne follow the scatter as he runs through the maze of tunnels to the escape hatch with the all-powerful witch in pursuit.
John forces Anne to get out while he and the squatter are captured by the witch. Anne looks down in horror.
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BOB KIELY’S SCARES, RELEASES, CREEPY MOMENTS OUTLINE
What I’v e learned in this lesson is the power of using the 3 elements together in a scene to provide a bit of a roller coaster ride to the scene. It’s a substructure that can be embellished with good dialogue and dark settings.
INT. CONDO/SUB-BASEMENT – NIGHT
Donna has locked Anne and John in the sub-basement. Anne is startled by the sound of the closing trap door and its being locked. John tries to open it but can’t. There’s only a little light coming in. Anne is despondent. John tries to calm her down. He tells her that his going into the tunnel is the only hope they have to get out alive.
Anne dreads the idea of John going into the witch’s domain, but accepts it. After John has been in awhile, Anne decides to go in and search for John. She enters the spider filled, slimy damp tunnel. A snake slithers over her feet.She sees a shadow against the tunnel wall a short distance away. It’s gets bigger. She tries in vain to hide. Suddenly a her cat jumps out at her. She’s shocked until she sees it’s her cat. She takes a breath. The cat runs off into a branch of the tunnel.
She gingerly goes in softly calling the cat. He emerges and she’s relieved. Suddenly she jumped by a homeless squatter that lives in the tunnel. She’s shocked and tries to scream but the man has his hand tightly over her mouth. He talks her into calming down and that he knows the way out. She stops resisting, he releases her and she calms down.
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BOB KIELY’S LEVEL 3 EMOTION SCENE
What I’ve learned from this exercise is a reiteration of the importance of pacing, so one has something additional horror to give at the climax.
Lesson 12: Level 3 Horror Emotions
INT. ROOM OF BASEMENT COMMON AREA – NIGHT
Anne and John have been locked in the room by Donna. Anne’s cat runs into the tunnel. John opens the door to the tunnel fully.
ANNE
John, don’t go in.
JOHN
It’s our only hope, Anne. Nobody can get through the forcefield.
He goes in.
ANNE
John. Come back.
She breaks down and pounds the door with her fists. She looks into the tunnel with tears running down her face. She goes into the tunnel. She goes deeper in and sees a shadow cast on the tunnel wall. The shadow comes closer. She runs into tunnel off the main ones. It’s slimy and filled with spiders. One drops on head head. She runs faster to a dead end. She bangs the earth with her hands and starts crying. Suddenly, she is graced from behind with a hand put over her mouth. A male voice whispers.
MAN
Shhh. She’ll hear you.
Anne struggles to get free.
MAN
I’m going to let you go, but don’t make a sound.
He releases her and Anne turns to see him. It’s a disheveled, bearded man in his 40’s.
ANNE
Who the fuck are you, and where’s my husband?
MAN
Name’s Jeremiah. I’m a resident of the mausoleum. She doesn’t know I’m here. Come on, I’ll lead you out.
ANNE
I’m not going anywhere without my husband.
JEREMIAH (MAN)
Ma’am, your husband… is likely dead.
Anne breaks down and cries.
ANNE
Leave me alone. Go back to whatever grave you sleep in.
She gets up and walks back to the main tunnel. After a minute, Jeremiah catches up to her.
JEREMIAH
Guess I got nothing better to do with the rest of my life.
They walk down the dimly lighted tunnel and see a figure that ducks back. They advance slowly. The shadow emerges again and grows in size. It’s John.
ANNE
John. She runs up to him and hugs him.
JEREMIAH
Time for that later folks.
JOHN
Who’s he?
The witch appears out of nowhere and is closing in fast.
JEREMIAH
Follow me and don’t look back.
They run fast and follow Jeremiah as he darts in and out of tunnel offshoots. The witches footsteps and cackling are getting closer.
WITCH
None gets out until I get one more soul.
The witch ejects an electrical charge at them knocking them down with the force. They get up and run toward a light that leads to the outside. They get to the opening. John pushes Anne up and out of the tunnel. The witch has caught up with John and Jeremiah and has them suspended in air.
WITCH
Which of YOU wants to come with the groundskeeper?
She drops them hard on the floor. Anne is screaming from above.
ANNE
John, please come up.
Jeremiah and John look at each other.
JEREMIAH
Go to your wife John. Sounds like she’s in need.
John hesitates.
JEREMIAH
Go John. Don’t deprive me of what may be the only gallant thing I’ve done in my life.
John shakes his hand and crawls out.
EXT. CONDO GROUNDS – NIGHT
A flash of light and a loud roaring sound comes from the tunnel. The ground begins to shake and the tunnel escape begins to close. Suddenly Anne’s cat jumps out of the whole before it’s completely sealed up. The electronic force around the condo vanishes and police and firetrucks descend on the scene.
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BOB KIELY’S LEVEL 1 HORROR EMOTION SCENE
What I learned from doing this lesson is that most of my scenes didn’t contain these three elements and that the progression to “shock” did create a good honor scene.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
A bulldozer is scraping earth in preparation for the construction of the new condo development. It’s a foreboding, misty day. The DEVELOPER, a portly man in his 50’s, waves the OPERATOR, young man in his 20’s, to stop. The operator leaves the machine on and jumps down. The bulldozer shuts off by itself.
OPERATOR
Weird. It’s been doing that all day today.
DEVELOPER
You gonna be finished today?
OPERATOR
I would have been if the dozer didn’t keep conking out on me all day. And the backhoe never showed up to move these graves.
He points to the six old grave markers.
DEVELOPER
Shit. We pouring concrete tomorrow. They gotta go. Move em.
They won’t complain.
OPERATOR
I don’t know boss. This doesn’t feel right.
DEVELOPER
Who’s gonna know.
The operator stares off into the distance and sees the blurred outline of the old hag that vanishes into the mist.
The developer starts to walks off, but turns around.
DEVELOPER (CONT)
I want them gone by tomorrow.
The operator reluctantly jumps up on the bulldozer and pushes the six gravesites to the far end of the lot. The bulldozer shuts off again. The operator jumps down sinking a little in the soft pile of new earth. He starts to walk off but has trouble pulling his feet from the moist ground. Suddenly he begins to sink as if he were being pulled down. He SCREAMS in vain until totally submerged beneath the soil.
The bulldozer STARTS by itself and smooths out the ground where the operator got submerged. The figure of the old hag with the shroud can be seen vaguely in the misty background.
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BOB KIELY’S READABLE OUTLINE:
What I learned doing this assignment is that I had a lot of horror tropes and situations and content to draw upon when fleshing out the plot.
COLD OPEN
An old witch as only attendee to a funeral in a creepy “potters field” cemetery. Cheap tombstone marker dates the burial as 1860.
ACT ONE
INT. TOWN HALL – MEETING ROOM – NIGHT
A developer is presenting his proposal to the zoning board for approval to build condos over an old forgotten cemetery. Despite a few objection, he gets the approval, subject to him relocating the graves of the remaining six graves. An elderly looking woman with s should on warns that the project will be cursed.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
The developer is talking to a man operating a bulldozer and directs the man to plow over the old grave markers. The man does it and when finished, shuts off the machine for the day. Before leaving the site, he relieves himself on the place where the graves were. As he begins to walk away, he is sucked down into the ground.
INT. LARGE CONDO UNIT – DAY
Te developer is pitching the condos to prospects in the now completed project. Among the attendees, are three couples who become main characters or victims.
INT. CONDO UNIT – DAY
Couple one (Anne and John) is hosting a housewarming party at their new purchase. Two other couples are there. They pooh-pooh the warning the old lady gave and give a mock toast to the old hag. Anne doesn’t toast and is heckled by a gay couple, Peter and Steve. Couple three is Bill and Donna, a glib. Lawyer and an opportunistic real estate broker, who is the selling agent of the building.
INT. ANNE AND JOHN’S CONDO UNIT – NIGHT
Anne and John are sleeping. Anne gets awoken by strange creaking sounds. She lays back down with her eyes open.
INT. PETER AND STEVE’S CONDO UNIT – NIGHT
Steve and Peter are sleeping. A loud slamming door wakes them both up. They argue who should check it out. Steve does and doesn’t come back. Peter gets up to see what happened to Steve. He can’t find him anywhere. Suddenly, he is grabbed from behind by Steve who punched him.
INT. ANNE AND JOHN’S CONDO UNIT – DAY
Anne is on the computer and opens the building website. John is at the kitchen counter eating breakfast. Anne tells him that Bill and Donna also heard creaking sounds and had their doors open and shut by themselves, and that Steve and Peter complained of the same thing.
INT. ANNE AND JOHN’S CONDO UNIT – DAY – LATER
More weird sounds and distant laughing can be heard from the central AC system.
LATER – NIGHT
The group is assembled and discussed the previous night’s events. Lawyer Bill becomes “de facto” head of the board and says he will have the corrupt inspector come back to investigate the structure and building systems. Anne volunteers to be secretary.
INT. ANNE AND JOHN’S CONDO – DAY
Anne is alone. The bell rings and it’s the building inspector. He asks to be buzzed in and says he will come up after he investigates the structural elements and mechanical system in the basement. He doesn’t come up. Anne goes down to investigate. It’s quiet and creepy. She can’t find him. Theres a room with a door locked from inside. She knocks and calls his name. Nothing. She sees blood seeping from under he door. She runs out.
INT. CONDO BUILDING LOBBY – day
Two cops and a homicide detective come to investigate. They have to breakdown the door to get in. They discover the inspnctordead lying in a pool of blood. A heavy steel beam lying next to him.
Act 2
INT. ANNE AND JOHN’S CONDO UNIT – NIGHT
The group convenes again to discuss the disturbing events of the day. Anne suggests that there may be some metaphysical going on. Steve and Peter lampoon her comments and Steve even decides to check it out himself. Both go down to the basement. All follow except for John who says he wants to finish up the minutes.
INT. BASEMENT IN CONDO – NIGHT
Steve opens the door to the room where the inspector was found. He goes in gingerly followed by the others. The room leads to another door, which opens to an underground tunnel, which is dimly lit in the distance. All want to leave, but Steve insists he go ahead; he does alone. We hear a scream and see him being attacked by someone with a scythe in shadows cast on the tunnel wall. All run to get out, but the door is stuck or locked. They hear eerie laughter in distance coming closer. At the point of hysteria, the door is opened by John.
INT. ANNE AND JOHN’S CONDO UNIT – NIGHT
The group is assembled. They can’t get phones to work and the front door to the apartment is mysteriously locked. Peter, who is in shock, says he will go down the fire escape and go get help. He The group discusses the situation which has now become very real.
INT. CONDO BUILDING LOBBY – NIGHT
Peter hears Steve’s voice calling from the basement. He slowly goes down. It’s coming from the room of the tragedies. He is being beckoned to come in. He opens the door and sees what he believes is Steve. When he get closer, the figure turns. It’s the with with burning red eyes. Steve screams with no-one to hear.
INT. ANNE AND JOHN’S CONDO UNIT – NIGHT
When Steve doesn’t return, John goes down to look for him. They force the door open. LATER John comes back and tells the group that he found Steve dead with head cut off, and that the building is sealed off by a powerful electronic files. They know the goose is cooked. They argue what to do. He says he saw the apparition but it seems like it can’t come into the building past the tunnel. They strategy with Lawyer Bill as the de facto general. He devises a plan to meet with the witch and have a moot court for her to desist and leave everyone alone, or have her leave her domain , lose her powers and kill her with a handgun he has.
INT. ROOM IN CONDO BASEMENT
The four remaining owners are in the room which has been set up as a mobile courtroom. Lawyer Bill summons the which and she responds. She comes up to the door but doesn’t enter. He conducts a formidable legal defense, and he thinks he wins only to have her dismiss the trial as a powerless joke. In the trial she explains her rational the 6 graves were destroyed and violated and she calls for an eye for an eye and she has to get 2 more victims in or associated with the condo. Her verdict is guilty and she through kenises has him ascend to the ceiling and out into the tunnel where she throws him. She tells him she needs one more. The group pleads to give them time to select. She relents, but just for a day, or says she will reduce the building to rubble.
ACT 3
ANNE AND JOHN’S CONDO PROJECT – NIGHT
The remaining three are in the apartment talking about their desperate situation. John comes up with a plan to go into her tunnel and draw her out.
INT. ROOM IN BASEMENT – NIGHT
John enters the tunnel and the two women stay behind.He goes into the tunnel and Anne’s ca runs after him. Anne goes in to get the cat. Donna closes the door to the tunnel and locks it and runs out of the room.
INT. TUNNEL – NIGHT
Anne tries to find John. She quite goes deeper into the tunnel when suddenly, she is grabbed from behind and hand over mouth. She struggles to get free but can’t. The perp turns her to face him and makes a stay quiet sign with his finger. She nods yet. He explains he is a squatter and sleeps in the maze without the witch know, and that he can guide them out. John comes up not have been able to find the witch. Suddenly we hear the witch taunting him . The voice gets closer and closer . The man tells John and Anne to follow him. He runs through the maze which he know like the palm of his hand. The witch is getting closer and closer. A light appears at the end of one of the corridors and they all run toward it. John wants Anne to go first through the opening, but she hasn’t found her cat, and John has to push her up through it. Now the witch is very close and upon the two men. She starts to have the escape hatch close and tells them she needs one more to be even. The homeless guy basically sacrifices himself and prevails upon John to leave, which he does barely.
EXT. GRAVEYARD MAUSOLEUM – NIGHT
John and Anne are hugging each other as the electronic shield goes dark and police and people start to enter the complex yard. Anne is distraught about losing her cat but he pops up from the small space leading from the tunnel. They walk toward the exit and meet Donna who is leaving with a suitcase. She tries to explain why she locked her door, and Anne and John just tell her they won’t do anything or tell anyone about it. Donna tries to get them to hire her to look for new digs. They refuse.
FADE OUT
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BOB KIELY’S MONSTER REVEAL TRACK
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of pacing and escalation of the monster reveals and their consequences to the character victims and provides another supporting layer to the plot and spine of the story.
Atmosphere of Evil established:
Cold Open with old witch as only attendee to a funeral in a creepy “potters field” cemetery. Cheap tombstone marker dates the burial as 1860.
Horror Situation: Foggy, creepy graveyard situation.
Reaction: Witch in black shroud with red eyes.
Who is your monster and what is their terror?
1. Powers: Witch with strong physic and physical powers, including telekinesis. Ageless.
2. Limitations: Has influence only over the land of the cemetery as well as the ground beneath.
3. Weaknesses: Can’t survive out of the cemetery and now condo yard bounds.
4. Plan/Purpose/Appetite: To avenge those who have desecrated or transgressed respect for the bodies disturbed during construction of the new project. She demands an eye for an eye for her victims.
ACT 1
Current time. Zoning board meeting where approval is given to a developer to build upon the site of the cemetery with some restrictions. Developer takes shortcuts including the bulldozing of six gravesites that were scheduled to be relocated. The operator of the bulldozer shuts off the vehicle and urinates on what was a gravesite. MONSTER REVEAL He is pulled down into the marshy ground as the first victim and portent of things to come.
Horror Situation: Bulldozer operator gets pulled down not the grave.
Reaction: Total fear on his face as his head submerges into the quicksand-like muck.
Character Death 1: Bulldozer operator
Why: Desecrates grave by urinating on it.
How: Gets suck down into the mucky ground.
Connect with the characters:
Open house at the new condo. Developer gives his pitch to the assembled buyers.
The characters are warned not to do it:
The same witch who is now sitting in the back of the room warns the buyers that “nothing good will come of this.” The developer dismisses her to the buying prospects as a crazy old fool.
Horror Situation: Deception. Innocent buyers being lured into shoddy cursed project.
Reaction: Denial of warning. Condescension.
Denial of Horror:
Six of the new buyers on the same floor have a housewarming party where they toast to the ridiculousness of the witch’s warning.
Horror Situation: Subconscious impending doom.
Reaction: Buyers still in denial, but one is taking the warning more seriously.
Safety taken away:
Scary, unexplained phenomena happen throughout the building. The building inspector, who got paid off by the developer comes in response to some of the physical building complaints.
Horror Situation: Spooky situation as building inspector goes into the inner rooms in the basement.
Reaction: Try to solve building issues in shoddy construction.
Monster: The nature of the beast.
He examines the faulty foundations and is killed. MONSTER REVEAL . But we don’t see the actual killing yet, just the evidence.
Horror Situation: Monster approaching.
Reaction: Tries to escape.
Character Death 2: Building inspector
Why: He colluded with corrupt developer and got paid off.
How: He gets squashed by falling support beam.
MONSTER REVEAL:
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted:
The inspector does not return from his inspection in the basement. Two of the men go down to investigate his disappearance. They see the head of the bulldozer operator’s head on a pike, and a trail of blood leading down a tunnel. MONSTER REVEAL
Horror Situation: Pursued. Forced into life threatening situation.
Reaction: Try to solve by investigation absence of inspector.
One of us killed: ALSO MOSTER REVEAL
One of the men foolishly investigates and is killed by the witch.
Horror Situation: Isolation.
Reaction: Other man gets lost getting out.
MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
Full pursuit by killer:
Through witchcraft and powerful evil forces, she basically encapsulates the building making it impenetrable from the outside and sealed on the inside. MONSTER REVEAL
Terrorized –
Monster takes 2 more lives, leaving only first couple with cat left. But she needs one more victim to make up for the six desecrated graves.
Horror Situation: Isolated in condo as witch encapsulates it.
Reaction: MONSTER REVEAL Couple try to escape. Don’t make it out.
Character death 3: Developer
How: Gets head sliced off by the witch (if she is exposed yet)
Character death 4: Gay guy.
Why: He stupidly disregards the danger they are in and goes off into the tunnels beneath the building (the witches world)
How: We don’t know exactly but hear his screams. Maybe find later.
Character death 5: The lawyer husband
Why: He conducts a mock trial in witch’s world. Doesn’t go well for him.
How: Taken away and has head scythed off.
ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the death:
Couple have plan of escape but the cat runs down to the basement and wife won’t leave without the cat, so she and hubby go down into the bowels of the building. Cats directs them to the portal to the killing fields under the building and its yards.
Horror Situation: Isolation and tortured mentally as the remaining couple can’t get out.
Reaction: Escape. They try to find way out in the tunnels.
Hysteria:
Husband goes into tunnel to retrieve the cat. While he is gone, the wife is petrified, is grabbed from behind. It turns out to be a homeless squatter who lives, unknowingly to the witch, in her domain, and knows the way out. The husband returns with the cat with the witch in pursuit. MONSTER REVEAL
Horror Situation: Isolation. Wife left alone after husband goes looking for runaway cat.
Reaction: Fight. Wife grabbed from behind. Struggles with attacker.
The thrilling escape from death:
The homeless man guides them to an escape hatch.
Horror Situation: Pursued by witch.
Reaction: Escape as witch gets closer.
Death returns to take one or more.
The homeless man lets the couple go first and pays the price with his life. MONSTER REVEAL
Horror Situation: Tormented. Homeless squatter can’t make it out.
Reaction: Sees there is no escape. Smiles at couple as they manage to get out.
Character death 6: Homeless squatter
Why: Basically sacrifices himself for couple one’s husband.
How: Gets pulled down from escape hole.
Resolution:
Now out of the grounds, the couple with their cats stand on a hill with the townspeople looking at an emergency response team leading others from the building before it spectacularly goes up in flames and collapses into the ground.
Horror Situation: Tormented at seeing their friends and home destroyed. Figure of witch in inferno not burning.
Reaction: Fear of her return.
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BOB KIELY’S CHARACTER DEATH TRACK
What I learned doing this assignment is that is helped flesh out plot points and think more about character profiles.
Atmosphere of Evil established:
Cold Open with old witch as only attendee to a funeral in a creepy “potters field” cemetery. Cheap tombstone marker dates the burial as 1860.
Horror Situation: Foggy, creepy graveyard situation.
Reaction: Witch in black shroud with red eyes.
ACT 1
Current time. Zoning board meeting where approval is given to a developer to build upon the site of the cemetery with some restrictions. Developer takes shortcuts including the bulldozing of six gravesites that were scheduled to be relocated. The operator of the bulldozer shuts off the vehicle and urinates on what was a gravesite. He is pulled down into the marshy ground as the first victim and portent of things to come.
Horror Situation: Bulldozer operator gets pulled down not the grave.
Reaction: Total fear on his face as his head submerges into the quicksand-like muck.
Character Death 1: Bulldozer operator
Why: Desecrates grave by urinating on it.
How: Gets suck down into the mucky ground.
Connect with the characters:
Open house at the new condo. Developer gives his pitch to the assembled buyers.
The characters are warned not to do it:
The same witch who is now sitting in the back of the room warns the buyers that “nothing good will come of this.” The developer dismisses her to the buying prospects as a crazy old fool.
Horror Situation: Deception. Innocent buyers being lured into shoddy cursed project.
Reaction: Denial of warning. Condescension.
Denial of Horror:
Six of the new buyers on the same floor have a housewarming party where they toast to the ridiculousness of the witch’s warning.
Horror Situation: Subconscious impending doom.
Reaction: Buyers still in denial, but one is taking the warning more seriously.
Safety taken away:
Scary, unexplained phenomena happen throughout the building. The building inspector, who got paid off by the developer comes in response to some of the physical building complaints.
Horror Situation: Spooky situation as building inspector goes into the inner rooms in the basement.
Reaction: Try to solve building issues in shoddy construction.
Monster: The nature of the beast.
He examines the faulty foundations and is killed. But we don’t see the actual killing yet, just the evidence.
Horror Situation: Monster approaching.
Reaction: Tries to escape.
Character Death 2: Building inspector
Why: He colluded with corrupt developer and got paid off.
How: He gets squashed by falling support beam.
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted:
The inspector does not return from his inspection in the basement. Two of the men go down to investigate his disappearance. They see the head of the bulldozer operator’s head on a pike, and a trail of blood leading down a tunnel.
Horror Situation: Pursued. Forced into life threatening situation.
Reaction: Try to solve by investigation absence of inspector.
One of us killed:
One of the men foolishly investigates and is killed by the witch.
Horror Situation: Isolation.
Reaction: Other man gets lost getting out.
MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
Full pursuit by killer:
Through witchcraft and powerful evil forces, she basically encapsulates the building making it impenetrable from the outside and sealed on the inside.
Terrorized –
Monster takes 2 more lives, leaving only first couple with cat left. But she needs one more victim to make up for the six desecrated graves.
Horror Situation: Isolated in condo as witch encapsulates it.
Reaction: Couple try to escape. Don’t make it out.
Character death 3: Developer
How: Gets head sliced off by the witch (if she is exposed yet)
Character death 4: Gay guy.
Why: He stupidly disregards the danger they are in and goes off into the tunnels beneath the building (the witches world)
How: We don’t know exactly but hear his screams. Maybe find later.
Character death 5: The lawyer husband
Why: He conducts a mock trial in witch’s world. Doesn’t go well for him.
How: Taken away and has head scythed off.
ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the death:
Couple have plan of escape but the cat runs down to the basement and wife won’t leave without the cat, so she and hubby go down into the bowels of the building. Cats directs them to the portal to the killing fields under the building and its yards.
Horror Situation: Isolation and tortured mentally as the remaining couple can’t get out.
Reaction: Escape. They try to find way out in the tunnels.
Hysteria:
Husband goes into tunnel to retrieve the cat. While he is gone, the wife is petrified, is grabbed from behind. It turns out to be a homeless squatter who lives, unknowingly to the witch, in her domain, and knows the way out. The husband returns with the cat with the witch in pursuit.
Horror Situation: Isolation. Wife left alone after husband goes looking for runaway cat.
Reaction: Fight. Wife grabbed from behind. Struggles with attacker.
The thrilling escape from death:
The homeless man guides them to an escape hatch.
Horror Situation: Pursued by witch.
Reaction: Escape as witch gets closer.
Death returns to take one or more.
The homeless man lets the couple go first and pays the price with his life.
Horror Situation: Tormented. Homeless squatter can’t make it out.
Reaction: Sees there is no escape. Smiles at couple as they manage to get out.
Character death 6: Homeless squatter
Why: Basically sacrifices himself for couple one’s husband.
How: Gets pulled down from escape hole.
Resolution:
Now out of the grounds, the couple with their cats stand on a hill with the townspeople looking at an emergency response team leading others from the building before it spectacularly goes up in flames and collapses into the ground.
Horror Situation: Tormented at seeing their friends and home destroyed. Figure of witch in inferno not burning.
Reaction: Fear of her return.
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BOB KIELY’S HORROR SITUATION TRACK
What I learned doing this assignment is a repertoire of dozens of established horror situations to spice up and flesh out the plot..
Atmosphere of Evil established:
Cold Open with old witch as only attendee to a funeral in a creepy “potters field” cemetery. Cheap tombstone marker dates the burial as 1860.
Horror Situation: Foggy, creepy graveyard situation.
Reaction: Witch in black shroud with red eyes.
ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR
Current time. Zoning board meeting where approval is given to a developer to build upon the site of the cemetery with some restrictions. Developer takes shortcuts including the bulldozing of six gravesites that were scheduled to be relocated. The operator of the bulldozer shuts off the vehicle and urinates on what was a gravesite. He is pulled down into the marshy ground as the first victim and portent of things to come.
Horror Situation: Bulldozer operator gets pulled down not the grave.
Reaction: Total fear on his face as his head submerges into the quicksand-like muck.
Connect with the characters:
Open house at the new condo. Developer gives his pitch to the assembled buyers.
The characters are warned not to do it:
The same witch who is now sitting in the back of the room warns the buyers that “nothing good will come of this.” The developer dismisses her to the buying prospects as a crazy old fool.
Horror Situation: Deception. Innocent buyers being lured into shoddy cursed project.
Reaction: Denial of warning. Condescension.
Denial of Horror:
Six of the new buyers on the same floor have a housewarming party where they toast to the ridiculousness of the witch’s warning.
Horror Situation: Subconscious impending doom.
Reaction: Buyers still in denial, but one is taking the warning more seriously.
Safety taken away:
Scary, unexplained phenomena happen throughout the building. The building inspector, who got paid off by the developer comes in response to some of the physical building complaints.
Horror Situation: Spooky situation as building inspector goes into the inner rooms in the basement.
Reaction: Try to solve building issues in shoddy construction.
Monster: The nature of the beast.
He examines the faulty foundations and is killed. But we don’t see the actual killing yet, just the evidence.
Horror Situation: Monster approaching.
Reaction: Tries to escape.
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted:
The inspector does not return from his inspection in the basement. Two of the men go down to investigate his disappearance. They see the head of the bulldozer operator’s head on a pike, and a trail of blood leading down a tunnel.
Horror Situation: Pursued. Forced into life threatening situation.
Reaction: Try to solve by investigation absence of inspector.
One of us killed:
One of the men foolishly investigates and is killed by the witch.
Horror Situation: Isolation.
Reaction: Other man gets lost getting out.
MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
Full pursuit by killer:
Through witchcraft and powerful evil forces, she basically encapsulates the building making it impenetrable from the outside and sealed on the inside.
Terrorized –
Monster takes 2 more lives, leaving only first couple with cat left. But she needs one more victim to make up for the six desecrated graves.
Horror Situation: Isolated in condo as witch encapsulates it.
Reaction: Couple try to escape. Don’t make it out.
ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the death:
Couple have plan of escape but the cat runs down to the basement and wife won’t leave without the cat, so she and hubby go down into the bowels of the building. Cats directs them to the portal to the killing fields under the building and its yards.
Horror Situation: Isolation and tortured mentally as the remaining couple can’t get out.
Reaction: Escape. They try to find way out in the tunnels.
Hysteria:
Husband goes into tunnel to retrieve the cat. While he is gone, the wife is petrified, is grabbed from behind. It turns out to be a homeless squatter who lives, unknowingly to the witch, in her domain, and knows the way out. The husband returns with the cat with the witch in pursuit.
Horror Situation: Isolation. Wife left alone after husband goes looking for runaway cat.
Reaction: Fight. Wife grabbed from behind. Struggles with attacker.
The thrilling escape from death:
The homeless man guides them to an escape hatch.
Horror Situation: Pursued by witch.
Reaction: Escape as witch gets closer.
Death returns to take one or more.
The homeless man lets the couple go first and pays the price with his life.
Horror Situation: Tormented. Homeless squatter can’t make it out.
Reaction: Sees there is no escape. Smiles at couple as they manage to get out.
Resolution:
Now out of the grounds, the couple with their cats stand on a hill with the townspeople looking at an emergency response team leading others from the building before it spectacularly goes up in flames and collapses into the ground.
Horror Situation: Tormented at seeing their friends and home destroyed. Figure of witch in inferno not burning.
Reaction: Fear of her return.
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ASSIGNMENT
Create your plot.
Knowing your concept, fill in one or two sentences for each of the plot points.<div>
What I learned going this assignment is how relatively quickly a plot can be constructed using the model.
Cold Open with old witch as only attendee to a funeral in a creepy “potters field” cemetery. Cheap tombstone marker dates the burial as 1860.
ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil established: Current time. Zoning board meeting where approval is given to a developer to build upon the site of the cemetery with some restrictions. Developer takes shortcuts including the bulldozing of six gravesites that were scheduled to be relocated. The operator of the bulldozer shuts off the vehicle and urinates on what was a gravesite. He is pulled down into the marshy ground as the first victim and portent of things to come.
Connect with the characters: Open house at the new condo. Developer gives his pitch to the assembled buyers.
The characters are warned not to do it: The same witch who is now sitting in the back of the room warns the buyers that “nothing good will come of this.” The developer dismisses her to the buying prospects as a crazy old fool.
Denial of Horror: Six of the new buyers on the same floor have a housewarming party where they toast to the ridiculousness of the witch’s warning.
Safety taken away: Scary, unexplained phenomena happen throughout the building. The building inspector, who got paid off by the developer comes in response to some of the physical building complaints.
Monster: The nature of the beast. He examines the faulty foundations and is killed. But we don’t see the actual killing yet, just the evidence.ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: The inspector does not return from his inspection in the basement. Two of the men go down to investigate his disappearance. They see the head of the bulldozer operator’s head on a pike, and a trail of blood leading down a tunnel.
One of us killed: One of the men foolishly investigates and is killed by the witch.MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought! Through witchcraft and powerful evil forces, she basically encapsulates the building making it impenetrable from the outside and sealed on the inside.
Terrorized – takes 2 more lives, leaving only first couple with cat left. But she needs one more victim to make up for the six desecrated graves.
ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the death: Couple have plan of escape but the cat runs down to the basement and wife won’t leave without the cat, so she and hubby go down into the bowels of the building. Cats directs them to the portal to the killing fields under the building and its yards.
Hysteria: Husband goes into tunnel to retrieve the cat. While he is gone, the wife is petrified, is grabbed from behind. It turns out to be a homeless squatter who lives, unknowingly to the witch, in her domain, and knows the way out. The husband returns with the cat with the witch in pursuit.
The thrilling escape from death: The homeless man guides them to an escape hatch.
Death returns to take one or more. The homeless man lets the couple go first and pays the price with his life.
Resolution: Now out of the grounds, the couple with their cats stand on a hill with the townspeople looking at an emergency response team leading others from the building before it spectacularly goes up in flames and collapses into the ground.
</div> -
Greetings. Look forward to a great class. Best
Name: Bob Kiely
Scripts: Approx. one dozen.
Class Expectations: How to write a super and good selling horror script.
Personal Attributes: I generally write romcoms and inspirational family type scripts, so this is a real departure, but look at it as a challenge, and not unaware that with relatively little funds, a huge blockbuster can evolve. I like learning, and have a sales background. Love animals and have a couple scripts incorporating them as characters. Latest is an animations script “Bird’s of Brooklyn.”
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BOB’S TERRIFYING MONSTER
What I learned from doing this assignment: The difficulty in creating a monster with all the nasty monster components whose not temporal. Creating an ethereal being to inflict fear who mainly cannot be seen.
Who/What the Monster is: The monster is a spiritual entity that communicates with the dead and can inflict punishment upon their transgressors, something of an eternal watchman overseeing her purview, which in this case is the world of the dead in a cemetery desecrated to make room for a condo project.
How does the monster terrorize: She has supernatural powers that can infiltrate anywhere in many forms and can evoke the spirits in her domain to do her bidding. Kinda a modern day Igor.
How does the monster pursue: She changes into different forms such as mists, and can disappear, and also has power to invoke dead spirits to assist her. She can do things beyond our level of dimension. She can go anywhere and not be seen.
How does Monster isolate: She is in total control of the hallowed ground beneath the condo built upon the graveyard as well as the confines of the building and its historic stone walls surrounding the new project. At her will, she can confine residents to this environment.
What is the terrible thing they do: She invokes punishment on transgressors to the sanctity of her domain, the “potter’s field” cemetery. She is good with a scythe and uses it on her foes, but has other means of inflicting punishment, such as invoking escalating terror through her intrusion in residences, and arranging disappearances of those on her list.
How does the monster cause death: Physically with a scythe as well as enclosing victims in suffocating chambers in the earth, and can even influence those with high level mental telepathy to kill themselves.
What makes this inescapable: The witch’s absolute power over her domain. She can control enter and exits from the building where the victims reside. No way out, ostensibly.
Mystery: For the guilty, they know their fate. For the innocent, the understanding of their predicament unfolds throughout the traumatic events. While their transgression may be apparently minor, to the witch, it doesn’t matter; they are guilty by association.
Fear provoking images: The haggardness and burning eyes of the witch. The damp marshy environs of her domain, walking visages of the dead, creatures of the tunnels and caverns underneath the building, the decapitation of the first victim.
Their rules: Simple. Six of her spirits in her pursue have been violated and eternally damaged. She needs six victims to right the wrong as a quid pro quo. No bargaining.
Their mythology: The monster is an eternal spirit, along the lines of the transporter of the dead to Hades in Greek mythology. Her role and job is as one who brings dead souls down the Rive Styx, as it were, to their eternal resting place. She is a vengeful, powerful spirit that takes her role seriously and lives many generations. She oversaw all the funerals over many years in this graveyard.
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DESECRATION ROW – Horror Conventions
What I’ve learned watching “Paranormal Activities.” Importance of good title that intrigues, and it hit all the enumerated conventions, except one, IMO, the moral sin or lesson. Liked the pacing albeit maybe a little too slow. I think the acting was good or this would not have been a hit.
My Concept: A ruthless developer builds a condo project over a forgotten “potter’s field” cemetery and hapless buyers w/o due diligence to its origins, buy in and suffer the consequences of the cemetery’s desecration.
Terrorize the Characters: There are numerous opportunities in the setting to have severe real and perceived morbid fears as the building sits on top of a former cemetery and its foundation intrudes upon the underbelly of the graveyards, and their ghostly spirits.
Isolation: The condo itself while consisting of several units, becomes more isolated as the unexplained visitations and other unnatural events occur. The project had to agree to keeping the old stone walls around the project to satisfy local opposition, which also encapsulates the new owners.
Death: Is realized here in the spirit of the buried, as well as some of the people responsible for its construction as well as some of the buyers, but hopefully won’t be overdone, more staged out as the story progresses. One feature element of suspense is the apparent disappearance of one of the couple’s child, which keeps them fixed in the building, as others vacate, as morbid uncontollable events progress.
Monster/Villain: The monsters are the vengeful spirits of the remains of the bodies that were illegally bulldozed, was well as an old hag, who kind of oversees the underworld beneath the building, with maybe its portal to hell? She becomes almost a broker in a quid pro quo with a body for a soul, if it works out. But she is very threatening and I thought that her presence in the opening scene circa 1860, after the civil war, would be scary feature of her designation. Then Act 1 begins in contemporary times with a scene where the developer thoughtlessly urinates on one of the graves.
High Tension: Hopefully the pacing of the script and its escalating supernatural events, as in Paranormal, will keep viewers on edge, with breathers throughout for relief. The subterranean marshy grounds under the building and the location of the project with its peculiar unexplained disappearances should work. Lots of shadows and cavernous sounds, dripping water. Bats, spiders, snakes live in their marshy wet ground beneath.
Departure from reality: The location and entire background of the project and its being built over a cemetery that is like an underground depot to Hades is pretty scary, if I do it right.
Moral statement: There are consequences for violations of customary norms of decent behavior such as the developer cutting corners on his agreement with the town to safely build, (a knowingly weak foundation on marshy land without proper pilings, etc to save money), and the ignorant buyers who buy in a somewhat controversial new development because they were getting a good buyer incentive to come in, but no guarantee of getting out. IOW, don’t be careless with important things in life as well as desecrating the hallowed grounds.
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Hi Pam , thanks so much for your very helpful and in incisive review. I’m actually going to incorporate several of your observations and suggestions in my final outline. Particularly love the suggestion of giving the homeless squarer a “raisin de’tre” for his sacrifice and a military BG couldn’t be better as the cemetery dates to 1860, soon after the Civil War ended. Maybe he could be one of the immortals whose spirit animates once more to do something heroic great way to end the mayhem.
Best and thx again
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Thanks Jaye. Good point, I intertwined the moniker, “monster” with “the witch” which I should fix. I also introduced the witch in an action element earlier which I didn’t include in the ‘Horror Situations” which further led to confusion. I’ll clarify. Best
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Hi Jaye,
I read your outline and it’s full of great horror situations, but would suggest putting them in a form like the sample given in the lesson, for your Version 2 read/exchange. For example, from your basement scene.
BASEMENT
ANXIETY: Karen and Sarah walk side by side into the dankest basement.
SHOCK: A cobweb to the face startles Sarah and she grabs Karen with such force, she almost drops her phone, which she’s using for a flashlight.
REVEAL (The force of the monster): The light, shooting in all directions for a minutes, reveals a very dead and very gutted Josh under the stairs.
DREAD: Sarah now faces Karen, and Karen is looking over her shoulder. Her expression tells us that something hideous is coming up the stairs behind her.
PANIC: Sarah sees, and they both run for the top.
REVEAL: But Karen kicks Sarah backward, into the monster. And as we hear her dying, Josh reaches through an opening between the stairs and pulls Karen’s leg down. But her other leg stays, breaking her femur. The phone drops at Josh’s feet, and the flashlight shines upward, revealing the full extent of his murder.
HYSTERIA: Karen stares into Josh’s contorted and hollowed out face as the monster now comes for her.
And so on.
You’ve already written the brief scene descriptions, so it should be easy.
I think this has good potential for real scary classic horror script. One more thing, I would number the scenes so the reader could refer specifically to them for their comments.
Best,
Bob
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Hi Jaye, If you haven’t hooked up with anyone else, I’d be happy to exchange my version 2 script with you for a read of your Version 1. Reply at your convenience. Best
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Hi Anthony, If you haven’t already hooked up with another write, pls advise and w can exchange outlines. Best
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by Bob Kiely.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by
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BOB KIELY’S CHARACTER JOURNEY TRACK
What I learned doing this assignment is the reminder of the importance of a character profile in a script of any genre, and how that can aid in refining and adding subtext and creditability to a plot.
Atmosphere of Evil established:
Cold Open with old witch as only attendee to a funeral in a creepy “potters field” cemetery. Cheap tombstone marker dates the burial as 1860.
Horror Situation: Foggy, creepy graveyard situation.
Reaction: Witch in black shroud with red eyes.
Who is your monster and what is their terror?
1. Powers: Witch with strong physic and physical powers, including telekinesis. Ageless.
2. Limitations: Has influence only over the land of the cemetery as well as the ground beneath.
3. Weaknesses: Can’t survive out of the cemetery and now condo yard bounds.
4. Plan/Purpose/Appetite: To avenge those who have desecrated or transgressed respect for the bodies disturbed during construction of the new project. She demands an eye for an eye for her victims.
ACT 1
Current time. Zoning board meeting where approval is given to a developer to build upon the site of the cemetery with some restrictions. Developer takes shortcuts including the bulldozing of six gravesites that were scheduled to be relocated. The operator of the bulldozer shuts off the vehicle and urinates on what was a gravesite. MONSTER REVEAL He is pulled down into the marshy ground as the first victim and portent of things to come.
Horror Situation: Bulldozer operator gets pulled down not the grave.
Reaction: Total fear on his face as his head submerges into the quicksand-like muck.
Character Death 1: Bulldozer operator
Why: Desecrates grave by urinating on it.
How: Gets suck down into the mucky ground.
Connect with the characters:
Open house at the new condo. Developer gives his pitch to the assembled buyers.
The characters are warned not to do it:
The same witch who is now sitting in the back of the room warns the buyers that “nothing good will come of this.” The developer dismisses her to the buying prospects as a crazy old fool.
Horror Situation: Deception. Innocent buyers being lured into shoddy cursed project.
Reaction: Denial of warning. Condescension.
Denial of Horror:
Six of the new buyers on the same floor have a housewarming party where they toast to the ridiculousness of the witch’s warning.
Horror Situation: Subconscious impending doom.
Reaction: Buyers still in denial, but one is taking the warning more seriously.
Safety taken away:
Scary, unexplained phenomena happen throughout the building. The building inspector, who got paid off by the developer comes in response to some of the physical building complaints.
Horror Situation: Spooky situation as building inspector goes into the inner rooms in the basement.
Reaction: Try to solve building issues in shoddy construction.
Monster: The nature of the beast.
He examines the faulty foundations and is killed. MONSTER REVEAL . But we don’t see the actual killing yet, just the evidence.
Horror Situation: Monster approaching.
Reaction: Tries to escape.
Character Death 2: Building inspector
Why: He colluded with corrupt developer and got paid off.
How: He gets squashed by falling support beam.
MONSTER REVEAL:
Character Journey Track:
Wife: Couple #1:
1.Calm and composed.
2.Is suspicious of first death.
3.Not in total denial as the other are.
4.Voice of reason.
5.By example, becomes de facto leader, with help of husband
6.Escapes with husband. The only two.
Husband couple #1:
1.Very decent. Soft spoken, devoted to wife.
2.leans to denial with deference to his wife.
3.He’s composed and sympathetic to the plight of the victim.
4. Becomes bridge of wife to group, a moderator of group reactions.
5.Supports wife’s efforts to understand point of view of the witch.
6.Escapes from the witches underground world .
7.Be respectful to the dead or they may take retribution for the desecration of their resting place.
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted:
The inspector does not return from his inspection in the basement. Two of the men go down to investigate his disappearance. They see the head of the bulldozer operator’s head on a pike, and a trail of blood leading down a tunnel. MONSTER REVEAL
Horror Situation: Pursued. Forced into life threatening situation.
Reaction: Try to solve by investigation absence of inspector.
One of us killed: ALSO MOSTER REVEAL
One of the men foolishly investigates and is killed by the witch.
Horror Situation: Isolation.
Reaction: Other man gets lost getting out.
Ccharacter journey track: Gay couple.
1. Fun loving, happy-go-lucky.
2. In total denial of anything mysterious happ[ened.
3. They think it’s just an accident.
4. Nonchalant, almost irreverent.
5. Go into the witches domain ill-prepared.
6. Death for both.
7. Their death solidifies witch is bad news and out to get more.
MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
Full pursuit by killer:
Through witchcraft and powerful evil forces, she basically encapsulates the building making it impenetrable from the outside and sealed on the inside. MONSTER REVEAL
Terrorized –
Monster takes 2 more lives, leaving only first couple with cat left. But she needs one more victim to make up for the six desecrated graves.
Horror Situation: Isolated in condo as witch encapsulates it.
Reaction: MONSTER REVEAL Couple try to escape. Don’t make it out.
Character Journey:
Lawyer husband of couple #2:
A little pompous and arrogant.
Total denial at first.
Saw it as totally natural accident.
Lectures them on legalities and strategy
Holds moot court with witch.6. He loses case and life.
7. Don’t be so arrogant not to consider another’s point of view, or opinion.
Real estate broker wife of couple #2:
Opportunistic flatterer.
Open minded but more by ignorance and IQ.
What ever hubby thinks, I.e. accident.
Same reaction. No-one ever took her seriously.
Observer until trial and begs for life.
She is allowed to leave.
They’re happy she’ll get to live.Character death 3: Developer
How: Gets head sliced off by the witch (if she is exposed yet)
Character death 4: Gay guy.
Why: He stupidly disregards the danger they are in and goes off into the tunnels beneath the building (the witches world)
How: We don’t know exactly but hear his screams. Maybe find later.
Character death 5: The lawyer husband
Why: He conducts a mock trial in witch’s world. Doesn’t go well for him.
How: Taken away and has head scythed off.
ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the death:
Couple have plan of escape but the cat runs down to the basement and wife won’t leave without the cat, so she and hubby go down into the bowels of the building. Cats directs them to the portal to the killing fields under the building and its yards.
Horror Situation: Isolation and tortured mentally as the remaining couple can’t get out.
Reaction: Escape. They try to find way out in the tunnels.
Hysteria:
Husband goes into tunnel to retrieve the cat. While he is gone, the wife is petrified, is grabbed from behind. It turns out to be a homeless squatter who lives, unknowingly to the witch, in her domain, and knows the way out. The husband returns with the cat with the witch in pursuit. MONSTER REVEAL
Horror Situation: Isolation. Wife left alone after husband goes looking for runaway cat.
Reaction: Fight. Wife grabbed from behind. Struggles with attacker.
The thrilling escape from death:
The homeless man guides them to an escape hatch.
Horror Situation: Pursued by witch.
Reaction: Escape as witch gets closer.
Death returns to take one or more.
The homeless man lets the couple go first and pays the price with his life. MONSTER REVEAL
Horror Situation: Tormented. Homeless squatter can’t make it out.
Reaction: Sees there is no escape. Smiles at couple as they manage to get out.
Character death 6: Homeless squatter
Why: Basically sacrifices himself for couple one’s husband.
How: Gets pulled down from escape hole.
Resolution:
Now out of the grounds, the couple with their cats stand on a hill with the townspeople looking at an emergency response team leading others from the building before it spectacularly goes up in flames and collapses into the ground.
Horror Situation: Tormented at seeing their friends and home destroyed. Figure of witch in inferno not burning.
Reaction: Fear of her return.