[Bob Zaslow]

I’d like anyone interested to go over my assignment and give me feedback based on the criteria. I’ll reciprocate. Thanks. Bob

[Bob Zaslow]

DAY 16- BOB’S PROFOUND MAP FOR ‘I’LL GET REVENGE ON THE WHOLE PACK OF YOU’:

What is Your Profound Truth? – Revenge ties both the injured and the injurer to a continual downward spiral of pain, and so true happiness can only be achieved when there is forgiveness on both sides.

1. What is the Transformational Journey?

Old Ways: Malvolio is an arrogant, egotistical blowhard who enjoys ordering others around and seeks high status. However, the play begins when he is incarcerated in a dark basement by people who he offended, he is cowed and even willing to be nice to Feste the Jester to help him escape. Old Ways continue when his blind anger leads to blind revenge. He has one goal: hit back three times harder than he was hit. His journey of revenge builds with each successful ploy. Until the last one transforms him.

New Ways: Malvolio relents against Fabian, the baker, but his ‘mild prank’ turns to disaster, when his bakery and mill burn to the ground, Fabian’s family has no way of supporting themselves, and the town has no bread. Malvolio regains his sense of right and wrong at that moment and realizes his punishments did not fit their crimes. He goes to great lengths to reveal the truth and repay his debts.

Transformational Logline: A retaliatory prank destroys a man’s livelihood and the prankster realizes his blind revenge only made him feel guilty, and seeing the truth, does his best to make it right for all.

2. Who are Your Lead Characters?

• Change Agent: Fabian, the baker

• Transformable Character: Malvolio, the steward

3. How Do You Connect With Your Audience in the Beginning of the Movie?

A. Relatability: Poor Malvolio! Locked up for what seems like a malicious reason.

He has a right to be angry. He is a God-fearing man. And the jester disguised as a parson is a cruel joke to play on him. Besides, we’ve all been unjustly punished at some time in our lives.

B. Intrigue: Who is this Malvolio and why has he been thrown into darkness? Why is the jester disguised as a parson? Why won’t he release Malvolio from incarceration?

C. Empathy: Malvolio is alone in the dark and has been wronged.

D. Likability: At first, Malvolio will be liked because we’ve all been unjustly punished for something.

4. What is the Gradient of the Change?

EMOTIONAL GRADIENT:

Forced Change. Malvolio is forced to shift from hurting his opponents with acts of blind revenge to realizing what a fool he’s been. We watch him go through these stages:

Denial: I am the superior Malvolio. Denies caring what others think about him.

Anger: How dare those low-lifes humiliate me, especially in front of Lady Olivia!

Bargaining: At first, he only wants to retaliate against the ringleaders of the prank. But can’t contain himself and each act of vengeance is worse than the next.

Depression: When he accidentally burns down Fabian’s mill, he is truly depressed and feels immediate remorse. For the first time he sees that his posing and superior attitude have been a mask for his feelings of inadequacy. And his blind revenge has led to misery on both sides.

Acceptance: He pays back all he hurt and leaves the town.

3 ACTION GRADIENT SETUP

•Malvolio (we learn in flashbacks) thinks he rules the roost and dreams of marrying his employer, Lady Olivia. He also has humiliated and lorded over five characters who now despise him.

•Maria forges a ‘love letter’ from Lady Olivia portending to love Malvolio and he is head over heels.

•Sir Toby, Maria, Sir Andrew, Feste the Jester, and Fabian the baker hide while Malvolio reads the letter and totally falls for it. He begins to dress and act so weirdly, the five convince Lady Olivia that Malvolio needs an ‘extended rest’ to regain his wits.

• Malvolio is humiliated and plans his revenge.

JOURNEY

• Malvolio fools Maria into thinking her new husband, Sir Toby, is still married to another woman, so her unborn baby will be a bastard.

• Malvolio compounds things when he sets up Sir Toby with a prostitute and ‘warns’ Maria about it.

• Malvolio plays on Sir Andrew’s lackadaisical business acumen by creating a false story about an investment and Andrew loses a great deal.

• Malvolio frames Feste and Jester by stealing valuable candlesticks from the duke and making certain he fires him and leaves him out on the street.

• Malvolio has gradually softened now, and because Fabian has been the kindest to him, comes up with a ‘mild prank’ which turns to devastation when a goat kicks over a lantern and burns down his mill.

• Malvolio feels remorse for his deeds.

PAYOFF

• In a letter, Malvolio reveals the truth to Maria and Sir Toby.

• He gives back to Sir Andrew most of his stolen investment.

• He gives the duke his purloined candlesticks and reveals the truth in another letter.

• He gives Fabian enough money to rebuild his mill to start making bread again.

• He leaves town in the dead of night, but feeling like he was about to start a new, more noble chapter of his life.

CHALLENGE/WEAKNESS GRADIENT:

Challenge: Malvolio begs for help. Weakness: Fear of being alone.

Challenge: Malvolio falls for the fake letter. Weakness: Believes he was born with greatness.

Challenge: He does whatever Olivia’s letter asks. Weakness: He is too dense to know Olivia does not love him.

Challenge: He swears to get revenge. Weakness: Deeply hurt and blindly angry about it.

Challenge: He gets even with Toby and Maria. Weakness: He nearly destroys their marriage but shows no remorse yet.

Challenge: He gets even with Sir Andrew and Feste. Weakness: He wreaks more havoc on their lives. (But a small crack in his anger opens to let in sanity.)

Challenge: He eases up on his revenge to Fabian. Weakness: He did not account for accidents and destroys his livelihood.

6. What is the Transformational Structure of Your Story?

7. How are the “Old Ways” Challenged?

A. Challenged through Questioning: After Malvolio sees how miserable he has made Maria, he softens a little, but doesn’t ask the question, “Does my punishment fit their crime? It’s not until he realizes that Sir Andrew may wind up penniless that he asks that question again and so eases up on the Fabian, last offender.

B. Challenge by Counterexample: Fabian is a big counterexample for Malvolio. He is everything Malvolio is not: humble, loyal, honest, forgiving and comfortable in his own skin.

C. Challenge by “Should Work, But Doesn’t”: After each act of retaliation, you’d think perhaps Malvolio would have tasted enough blood. But he gets worse. He goes so far as to break the law, cheating Sir Andrew and then planting false evidence for a crime against Feste. Instead of feeling overjoyed at his ‘victories,’ he harbors doubts about his entire vendetta. He wonders why it’s starting to scare him and make him feel miserable.

Challenge through Living Metaphor. — Opening in darkness. Malvolio is in the dark about his own psyche.

–Sir Toby (when Malvolio tells him he drinks and parties too much): “There’s more casket about you than cask.” (A prescient comment foreshadowing how Malvolio deadens everything he touches.)

–Malvolio wears yellow stockings (showing how low he’ll go to appeal to Lady Olivia at any cost.)

— Malvolio:“If they hit me in the arm, I hit them in the face.” (He sees nothing wrong with dispensing terrible punishment on the pranksters.)-

— The chair of power (Malvolio longs to sit in the chair is Lady Olivia sits in, which is one reason he will do anything to get it.)

— The most important living metaphor is the burning of Fabian’s mill and bakery. Malvolio sees clearly how his mindless revenge led to hurting so many. He realized that he always has wanted to lead a life of service, but getting back at his offenders blinded him to his purpose. He then does his best to make good.

8. How are You Presenting Insights through Profound Moments?

A) Action delivers insight

Action: After Malvolio parades before Lady Olivia smiling and wearing an outlandish outfit because he believed the forged letter that asked him to do so, he pushes back at Olivia insisting the letter cannot be forged. Insight: Malvolio’s arrogance makes him blind to the truth and ripe for trickery.

Action: After he berates Sir Toby, Sir Andrew and Maria for their loud and unseemly behavior, he pontificates and threatens Lady Olivia on them. Insight: Malvolio is a paper tiger with no real power of his own.

Action: After his first ruse fools Maria and makes her bereft, he ratchets up the next punishment. Insight: Vengeance corrupts and absolute vengeance corrupts absolutely.

Action: After his ‘harmless prank’ accidentally burns down Fabian’s mill, it hits him. Insight: Rather than feeling happy at his vendetta, he feels remorse and wants to make amends.

B) Conflict delivers insight.

Conflict: Malvolio berates Maria for her bawdiness and the company she keeps.

Insight: he picks on those less powerful than he.

Conflict: Lady Olivia tells him the letter is a fake. Malvolio cannot believe it at first and tries to prove his point. Until Maria admits she wrote the letter.

Insight: Raving mad, he now will go on a rampage to avenge those who made a fool of him.

Conflict: He wants to get even with Sir Andrew, but is afraid he might be arrested for stealing his money in a phony scheme.

Insight: His anger is so hot, he goes ahead and steals from Andrew anyway.

Conflict: By the time he gets to punishing Fabian, he decides he wants to go easy on him, but accidentally burns down his mill.

Insight: Once you’ve been in a state of blind rage and revenge, even when you’ve cooled down a bit, unintended negative consequences often occur.

C) Irony delivers insight.

Irony: Malvolio’s biggest desire is to be respected by all. But he becomes despised by all.

Insight: Some people are their own worst enemy.

Irony: Malvolio thinks the punishment should fit the crime. But when he looked back at the destruction he caused, he realized he was blind to the truth of his actions.

Insight: He is a hypocrite.

Irony: Malvolio getting what he wants (revenge), but losing what he needs (admiration). Insight: think long-term before jumping into an angry response; you’ll probably regret it if you don’t.

Irony: Sir Andrew getting a special deal (a can’t-miss investment), that turns out to be worthless (it was Malvolio’s clever scam).

Insight: you may not be as clever as you thought you were. If a deal seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Irony: Sir Toby’s group of five do the wrong thing (humiliate Malvolio) for the right reasons (he does need to be taught a lesson).

Insight: the ends don’t justify the means.

Irony: Maria is fooled into thinking her new husband, Sir Toby, is married to another woman, which means her baby will be a bastard; but her misery also reveals the truth about how important her bond is with Sir Toby.

Insight: sometimes, the darkest moment shed their own light on something deeper.

Irony: Fabian is the one who freed Malvolio from captivity and the first to fess up to the group’s dirty tricks, but Malvolio (accidentally) punished him the worst.

Insight: don’t get complacent about your position. Accidents do happen, and the tide could turn against you at any moment.

Irony: Feste the Jester is known to be wise as well as a joker himself, but he easily falls for Malvolio’s lying trick to get the duke to fire him.

Insight: Don’t get too cocky about your own talents. There’s always someone around who might outplay you.

Irony: At the end of Act 5, Malvolio the pompous, mean-spirited, egocentric steward, transforms into a far better man, even though he is forced to flee the town.

Insight: sometimes it takes a journey of terrible choices to finally learn the truth about what works to be happy and at peace with yourself.

6. What are the Most Profound Lines of the Movie?

MALVOLIO: I’ll Get Revenge on the Whole Pack of You!

MALVOLIO (to FESTE disguised as PARSON TOPAS): Please, listen if you value light over darkness, which I do now more than ever in my life.

MALVOLIO: You’d make a dung heap from a palace! Your wit is too clever by half.

SIR TOBY: And you, sir, turn celebrations into cemeteries. There’s more of casket than cask about you.

MALVOLIO: Mistress Maria, if you prize my lady’s favor, drop these two ruffians.

MARIA: When did your father stop beating you?

Malvolio (to himself, looking up from the forged love letter) – I will do everything that you will have me do, my love. Everything!

MALVOLIO: (looking up from the forged love letter) – I will a steward no more be / Your deepest love hath set me free!

MALVOLIO- Sweets to the sweet, sours to the soured / Maria’s joy’s now beat, so sad she was deflowered.

MALVOLIO: Let the one who punished me fit the crime. She who wrote the missive will bear the bastard!

MALVOLIO: My zeal, now melted by the smell of burnt flour and petty payback, has cooled and congealed into a mass. Mark this stench, steward. To purge it, you must right it. To right it, you must purge thyself.

FABIAN: I thought I had nothing to lose, but now I have nothing but loss.

FABIAN: By his revenge, by our revenge, we are all engaged to this loss.

7. How Do You Leave Us with a Profound Ending?

I think the ending is ironic, emotional, and will have a satisfying sense of completion.

A. Express the Profound Truth: By the end of this play, the humble Fabian has proved to be the righteous one and Malvolio has finally realized that his punishments did not fit their crimes. He does the right thing and fesses up to the truth and returns the stolen money.

B. The Change: Malvolio sees that his pomposity was just a mask he wore because he was afraid he was not good enough. He also now understands that blind revenge made both himself and his victims miserable. But at the end of the play, he does everything in his power to right his wrongs. The change is night and day.

Payoffs: Answers to: Will Sir Toby actually kill Malvolio for what he did to Maria and him? (He does not, also realizing the futility of revenge’s downward spiral.)

Will Fabian ever be able to recover from the destruction of his mill by fire? (He does, thanks to guilt-money supplied by Malvolio.)

Will Maria and Sir Toby get back together after Malvolio’s lies nearly tore them apart? (Yes, and it was a boy!)

Will Feste the Jester regain his sense of humor? (Yes, you can’t keep a good jester down.)

Is Malvolio really changed, as in a change of heart? (Yes. He does run off to another town under a new name, but then, he did commit crimes. But never again. And he will no longer be the arrogant poser he was. For the first time in his adult life, he’s comfortable in his own skin.)

Surprising: We think that once Maria catches Sir Toby with a prostitute, their marriage would be over, but because Toby rejected the prostitute, he is a changed man, and their marriage remains intact.

We think that when Sir Andrew is notified that he is almost penniless, he would break down in anger and pity. But instead, he sees it as a relief from all the responsibilities of his knighthood. And for a few moments, he is genuinely happy. We think that when Feste the Jester gets kicked out of Duke Orsino’s palace, he would be distraught. But, when the truth comes out, Lady OIivia hires him immediately we he will be appreciated for his “wit and wise counsel.”

We think when Fabian’s mill burns down, he might go insane, but with help from the townspeople they create a temporary water mill so the people can eat bread.

We think when Malvolio feels such remorse, he will also turn himself in, but he runs away on a donkey where he will live as an upright man, comfortable in his own skin.

Parting Image/Line: Malvolio trotting off into a barely lit dawn sky to a new village, talking to his donkey:

MALVOLIO: “Now I know I was not born great, and certainly have not had greatness thrust upon me, but…with my full repentance…I FEEL well! And all’s well that ends well, right, Toby?!”

With this line and final image, the audience knows that here rides a transformed man who is ready to start a new life where he’s actually happy for the first time. And we, the audience, can perhaps forgive even him.

[Bob Zaslow]

DAY 15 PART 2

Bob’s “Builds Meaning with Dialogue” exercise.

What I learned doing this assignment is that story arcs created by key lines can hold the sections of the play together and give it a satisfying flow that will build audience attention. Each time I took a line and saw how it reverberated on other scenes, I felt like I was discovering a depth and flow in my play that I never saw before.

Three lines (and scenes that work for an arc) that I want to build deep meaning around:

MALVOLIO: You’d make a dung heap from a palace! Your wit is half of what you think it.

SIR TOBY: And you, sir, turn celebrations into cemeteries. There’s more of casket than cask about you.

LINE 1 and scenes that can carry out an arc:

I can see Toby’s retort, “There’s more of casket than cask about you,” being repeated whenever Malvolio’s nasty pranks of revenge end up killing or nearly killing relationships, careers, finances, and hopes. For example, Sir Andrew loses much of his fortune; Feste the Jester is left out on the street without the duke’s patronage; Fabian’s bakery and mill have burned to the ground. Metaphorical caskets.

LINE 2 and scenes that can carry out an arc:

When Malvolio says, “Let the one who punished me fit the crime. She who wrote the missive will bear the bastard,” it immediately affects Maria who thinks her marriage to Sir Toby is null and void, and sets her dreams for a happy life in the trash bin. Ironically, Malvolio continues to pull stunts on other members of the cabal who conspired against him, which in no way fit the crime. They are punishments beyond the pale. And they get more and more hurtful as the play progresses.

It’s not until Act Five, when he eases up his prank on Fabian, that the goat he sent in to befoul his bakery turned over a lantern and burned it to the ground. He finally sees that his punishment did not fit Fabian’s “crime” or any of the others. That’s how ‘let the punishment fit the crime’ carries over in an arc from beginning to end.

LINE 3 and scenes that can carry out an arc:

Near the end of the play, Fabian says, “By his revenge, by our revenge, we are all engaged to this loss.” Although this line is said in Act 5, it will resonate back to act 2, when Malvolio says he will get revenge on the whole pack of them. And then, the idea of loss will come up again, when Maria is made to believe she has lost her legal motherhood; and again, when Sir Andrew loses a large sum of money to a phony scheme; once again, when the jester is sent off packing for a crime he did not commit; and finally, the loss of Fabian’s mill and the town’s loss of sustenance, bread. They are all, in a sense, to blame for Malvolio’ vendetta. And therefore, ‘All engaged to this loss.”

[Bob Zaslow]

DAY 15- Bob’s “Build’s Meaning with Dialogue” assignment.

What I learned doing this assignment is the value of selecting the profound moments of dialogue that will be remembered by an audience. It forced me to take what might have been lazy writing and turn some key moments of dialogue into something that sparkled. More than half of what you’ll read below, I wrote for this assignment. Each day, I become more and more grateful to Hal for this course.

The Five Most Emotional Moments in my stageplay, I’ll Get Revenge on the Whole Pack of You! (The * represents the lines I’m leaning toward using.)

First Act- Malvolio pleads with Feste the Clown, disguised as ‘Sir Topas,’ a parson, to let him out of his prison.

Lines that may deliver the deepest meaning in the scene:

a)Malvolio: I say this house is as dark as ignorance though ignorance were as dark as hell. * (This line is Shakespeare’s)

b)Malvolio: Please, listen if you value light over darkness, which I do now more than ever in my life. * (This line is Shakespeare’s)

c)Malvolio: I say there was never a man so abused. Sir Topas, I am no more mad than you are.

Feste (disguised as Sir Topas): (Aside) No more mad than a clown? Could he hurdle a lower bar? *

d)Malvolio: Please, listen if you value light over darkness, which I do now more than ever in my life.

Feste: Prove to me that you are not more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog.

* * *

Later in First Act- Malvolio rags on some important enemies in Lady Olivia’s house.

a)Malvolio: Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like tinkers at this time of night? You make an alehouse of my lady’s house!

Sir Toby: Are you anything more than a steward? Do you think because you are virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?’ (These two lines are Shakespeare’s)

b)Malvolio: You’d make a dung heap from a palace! Your wit is half of what you think it.

Sir Toby: And you, sir, turn celebrations into a cemeteries. There’s more of casket than cask about you.*

c)Malvolio: Mistress Maria, if you prize my lady’s favor and despise this contempt for her, you would not give means for this uncivil behavior.

Maria: Go soak your head! *

d)Malvolio: Mistress Maria, if you prize my lady’s favor, drop these two ruffians.

Maria: When did your father stop molesting you?

* * * *

Second Act- the group of five attempt to trick Malvolio into believing that his Lady Olivia has written a love note to him.

a)Malvolio (to himself) – And when we’re married, I envision myself extending my hand to Sir Toby, thus quenching my genuine smile with and austere regard of control…

Sir Toby- (Hidden in bushes and out of earshot) And does not Sir Toby quench you right in the mouth?! * (This line written by Shakespeare)

b)Malvolio (to himself, looking up from the forged love letter) – I will do everything that you will have me do, my love. Everything!

Malvolio (looking up from the forged love letter) – I will a steward no more be / Your deepest love hath set me free! *

* * * *

Later in the Second Act – Malvolio hatches his first plan of revenge; this one is against Maria, who wrote the phony letter. She has recently married Sir Toby and they’ve discovered she is pregnant. They’re overjoyed, so Malvolio schemes with a local barrister to draw up false documents saying Sir Toby is still married to someone else.

a)Malvolio- Sweets to the sweet, sours to the soured / Maria’s joy’s now beat, so sad she was deflowered.

b) Malvolio- Let the one who punished me fit the crime. She who wrote the missive will bear the bastard.*

* * * *

Fifth Act- Malvolio (the steward) has seen how devastating his malicious pranks have been. And with his last prank, he accidentally burns down Fabian’s (the baker’s) mill. Thus, depriving him and his family of their livelihood, as well as depriving the whole town of bread.

a)Malvolio- My zeal, now melted by the smell of burnt flour and petty payback, has cooled and congealed into a mass. Mark this stench, steward. To purge it, you must right it. To right it, you must purge thyself. *

b)Fabian- I thought I had almost nothing, but now I have almost nothing but loss.

c)Fabian- By his revenge, by our revenge, we are all engaged to this loss. *

[Bob Zaslow]

DAY 14 Bob ‘Delivers Irony!’

What I learned doing this assignment is that I have been able to come up with examples of irony in my outline that I didn’t even see.

–Malvolio getting what he wants (revenge), but losing what he needs (admiration). (Insight: think long-term before jumping into an angry response; you’ll probably regret it if you don’t.)

–Sir Andrew getting a special deal (a can’t-miss investment), that turns out to be worthless (it was Malvolio’s clever scam). (Insight: you may not be as clever as you thought you were. If a deal seems too good to be true, it probably is.)

–Sir Toby’s group of five do the wrong thing (humiliate Malvolio) for the right reasons (he does need to be taught a lesson). Which is when Malvolio’s revenge spirals creates misery for all. (Insight: the ends don’t justify the means.)

–Maria is fooled into thinking her new husband, Sir Toby, is married to another woman, which means her baby will be a bastard; but her misery also reveals the truth about how important her bond is with Sir Toby. (Insight: sometimes, the darkest moment shed their own light on something deeper.)

–Fabian is the one who freed Malvolio from captivity and the first to fess up to the group’s dirty tricks, but Malvolio (accidentally) punished him the worst. (Insight: don’t get complacent about your position. Accidents do happen, and the tide could turn against you at any moment.)

–Feste the Jester is known to be wise as well as a joker himself, but he easily falls for Malvolio’s lying trick to get the duke to fire him. (Insight: Don’t get too cocky about your own talents. There’s always someone around who might outplay you.)

–At the end of Act 5, Malvolio the pompous, mean-spirited, egocentric steward, transforms into a far better man, even though he is forced to flee the town. (Insight: sometimes it takes a journey of terrible choices to finally learn the truth about what works to make you a happier person.)

[Bob Zaslow]

DAY 13- Bob’s ‘Delivers Insights Through Conflict’ examples.

What I learned doing this assignment is that conflict serves multiple roles. Yes, it creates continued interest in how things are going to work out, and yes, it gives the audience a rooting interest in the main character’s success, but it also allows for some profound moments to reveal themselves. That idea is a lightbulb moment for me.

New Way/Insight #1- I want to deliver the idea that revenge leads to retaliation which creates a rapid downward spiral of misery for all. I want the audience to see the Old Malvolio’s blind rage gave him a few moments of gratification but potentially, years of misery. (Sir Toby and his small group all played in the dirt and got caught up in retaliation, to everyone’s detriment.)

New Way/Insight #2- I want to deliver the idea that the character who acts out of pure, blinding revenge suffers the most. (Malvolio’s deep-seated fear of being disrespected and disliked came true in the strongest terms.)

New Way/Insight #3- I want to deliver the idea that the character who is quick to forgive eventually gets rewarded for his actions. (Fabian, the baker is quick to release Malvolio from out of the dark even after years of verbal bullying.)

New Way/Insight #4- I want to deliver the idea that everyone can sense a phony poser who tries to curry favor with higher status people. (So, rather than others seeing Malvolio as an able steward, he is seen as an obsequious suck-up.)

New Way/Insight #5- I want to deliver the idea that posing and arrogant behavior is often a response to fear of not being good enough, but if you stop a moment and look deeper, you’ll see the truth is, you ARE good enough. (Despite his shortcomings, Malvolio has many fine attributes that only got revealed after he let his rage go and tried to make amends.)

[Bob Zaslow]

DAY 12 (Part B)

Bob’s “Turns Insights into Action” list.

What I learned doing this assignment is, two weeks ago, I didn’t care much about whether my audience experienced insights. I wanted to tell a good story based on a play by Shakespeare, with some meaning and a lot of laughs. Now, I see there are a number of insights I’d like them to experience. I think once I write the dialogue and the play takes shape on the page, I’ll see more “New Ways” I’d like my audience to think about. However, I also have to remember this is a comedy. Yes, it’s got character changes and even a transformation. But I wonder whether a lot of insights into new ways of doing or being have a large role to play. I think the list of five ideas below is a good start and may be all I need:

List of New Ways and Insights I’d like audiences to experience:

1- Don’t make fast judgments on a character until you know more context.

(Early on, audiences will empathize with the wicked Malvolio under his false imprisonment circumstances, but will soon come to dislike him as much as the group of five who carried out the scheme to humiliate him.)

2- Courage and openness always beat false confidence and insecurity.

(Although Malvolio bullied Fabian more than anyone, Fabian was the one who secretly unlocked the door to release him, letting the audience see his courage against the other four conspirators and his willingness to forgive.)

3- Verbal bullying of lower status people and toadying up to higher status people is a sign of someone with little self-confidence.

(Malvolio dresses up in a ridiculous manner because he believed his boss, Lady Olivia, loved him. When he learns that the opposite is true, he wants to punish everyone involved in the prank. Perhaps the audience will see some of that in themselves or someone they know.)

4- Blind revenge only spirals all parties downward into misery.

(Once Malvolio starts on his revenge tirade, the tricks get nastier and costlier. And Sir Toby, who only ‘suspects’ Malvolio, is this close to killing him in a duel. The audience may see that the short-lived gratification of getting back at someone is not worth the long-term costs.

5- Don’t wait until a catastrophe happens to finally stop your vendetta.

(By the last act, Malvolio has the sense to see what pain he’s caused and reveals the truth, along with returning stolen money and rebuilding Fabian’s mill. He then sneaks out of town to avoid imprisonment. Audiences may see the futility of blind revenge. In the long run, the real one getting punished is the one who takes his revenge.)

[Bob Zaslow]

DAY 12

Bob’s Seabiscuit Analysis.

What I learned on this assignment was by doing a ‘close watching’ of this movie, I found more than a dozen profound moments, which is many more than I expected. Regarding my own play, I’m thinking I can have a few profound moments, but because it’s a comedy, with a protagonist the audience will learn to really dislike, I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around how I can have more moments that Hal would agree are profound. I may have to rewatch “Groundhog Day.”

1- Profound Moment: Red (as a nine-year old) at dinner table. His father reads him a poem from Emily Dickinson about not fearing to be great. (It set young Red’s heart on a path to pursing greatness.)

2- Profound Moment: Charles’ son’s death in an accident. (He is haunted by it and won’t take chances on losing anyone he cares about.)

3- Profound Moment: Charles sees something in the eccentric Tom Smith and decides to hire him. (He trusts his instincts and takes a chance on someone who appears ‘broken down.’)

4- Profound Moment: Tom, talking to Charles about a lame horse he adopted says, “You don’t throw a whole life away just ‘cause he’s banged up a little.” (This theme continues throughout the film…with Red and with Seabiscuit.)

5- Profound Moment: Tom watches Seabiscuit fighting with his handlers and turns to see Red fighting with some jockeys. (In that moment, he realizes he’s found a match for both of them.)

6- Profound Moment: After watching Seabiscuit give a zig-zaggy performance on the track, he has the farsightedness to say, “He’s gotten so screwed up, he’s forgotten what he was born to do. He just has to learn to be a horse again.” (Charles realizes that his son’s death has screwed him up as well.)

7- Profound Moment: Montage of Red letting Seabiscuit run full tilt for the first time and all are amazed at his grace and speed. (Until that moment, no one in the audience knew how great the horse could be.)

8- Profound Moment: a lackadaisical ride turns into a track record when Seabiscuit sees another horse in front of him and tears out at breakneck speed. (At first, the audience is disappointed at the horse’s poor performance, but then is thrilled to see him get ahead so quickly.)

9- Profound Moment: Montage of black and white stills and footage of people working in public projects like bridges and tunnels. VO: “It wasn’t the dams or the roads that made the biggest difference. It was that men who were broken only a year ago suddenly felt restored.” (A continuation of the theme in #4 and focus on the element of pride.)

10- Profound Moments: Charles’ early interview with press: “Sometimes when a little guy doesn’t know he’s a little guy, he can do great big things!” And in another interview, Charles says, “Sometimes all someone needs is a second chance. (The ‘second chance’ theme applies to Red and Seabiscuit after both got injured.)

11- Profound Moment: After the Santa Anita loss, Charles finds out Red is partially blind in one eye, but keeps him on as a jockey. “You don’t throw a whole life away ‘cause it’s backed up a little bit.” (The audience will be with Charles on this one. He’s put his faith in another beat up person, this time, his jockey.)

12- Profound Moment: After the Santa Fe loss, in his third press conference, he tells them, “Everybody loses a couple. You either pick up and go home or you keep fighting.” (Shows his vision: he’s in it for the long haul and continues to have faith in his horse and jockey.)

13- Profound Moment: Red in his hospital bed giving riding advice about Seabiscuit to George, his replacement jockey: “It’s not in the feet, Georgie, It’s right here.” (Points to his heart. And it’s the heart of Red and Seabiscuit that ultimately beat strong and achieve that greatness Emily Dickinson wrote about in the early scenes.)

14- Profound Moment: Before the last Santa Anita race, George lobbies to get a recuperating Red back on Seabiscuit. He tells Charles, “It’s better to break a man’s leg than his heart.” (This statement from the jockey who would have gotten the accolades had he ridden Seabiscuit, went a long way to convincing Charles to let Red ride.)

15- Profound Moment: (near the end) In a VO, Red says, “Everyone thinks we took this broken-down horse and fixed him. But we didn’t. He fixed us.” (Profound, because the lesson is clear—don’t give up on someone or something because they had a setback. Instead, encourage them and have faith.)

[Bob Zaslow]

Day 11

Bob’s Living Metaphors

What I learned doing this assignment is– looking at the Old Ways of what characters did in the past thinking it will work in the future, is a smart way to glue various elements of the story together in a more cohesive whole than I had originally planned. Also, I’ve never thought about some of the key events in my story as ‘living metaphors.’ Just knowing these scenes stand for something greater than themselves is a key learning. And now that I’m not simply vaguely aware of it, I think I can use these metaphors in a way that can help me strengthen my story.

The ‘Should Work but Doesn’t’ Challenges:

An Old Way that worked for Malvolio before, was to use his authority as steward of the manor to order around and heap abuse upon servants under him. But when he expects success threatening the servant, Maria, with dismissal, she devises a plan to humiliate him in front of his mistress, Lady Olivia. He is, in fact, humiliated (which is when he plans his revenge).

An Old Way that worked for Sir Toby was to scrounge off his wealthy niece, Lady Olivia, and give back nothing in return. He expected to get away with it forever, but when she learned the truth of how he humiliated her steward, Malvolio, she cut him off from the dole. Toby was forced to make an honest man of himself and support his new wife, Maria.

The Old Way that worked for Lady Olivia was to put everyone at arm’s length, especially suitors, because she suspected all men of having the ulterior motive of grabbing hold of her wealth. But when she met Viola’s twin, Sebastian, she felt a real love which dissolved her skepticism.

The Old Way that worked for Sir Andrew was to not think for himself and simply ‘follow the leader’ like Sir Toby, and so drifted about without a plan. But when he was tricked by Malvolio into investing in a bogus scheme, he realized what a fool he’d been and ultimately became a wiser man for the loss.

The Old Way that worked for Fabian was to harbor grudges against Malvolio for all his slights and put-downs. So, he was happy to join the cabal that humiliated and kidnapped him. But he soon realized his delight was very short lived. He felt guilty and secretly released Malvolio. In an ironic twist, Malvolio’s mild practical joke of retaliation against Fabian accidentally burned down his mill. Which led directly to…

…The Old Way that worked for Malvolio was to pay back double and triple the revenge on his enemies, but when he finally eased up on the last one, Fabian, his nearly harmless prank wound up burning his mill and preventing him from providing bread to his family and the town. Malvolio realized he had gone too far and then, one by one, came clean with each member of Toby’s group, even paying to restore Fabian’s mill and bakery.

Living Metaphors challenges.

The most important living metaphor is the burning of Fabian’s mill and bakery. Malvolio sees clearly how his mindless revenge led to hurting so many. He realized that he always has wanted to lead a life of service, but getting back at his offenders blinded him to his purpose. He then does his best to make good.

Another living metaphor is the forged letter Maria writes, pretending to come from Lady Olivia, who ‘reveals’ her love for Malvolio. When he reads it, he is swirled away in flights of fantastical fancies and dresses and behaves exactly as ‘she’ alludes to in the letter, making a fool of himself. It is a turning point, because his secret dream was always to be a man of stature and power, and his marriage to Lady Olivia would make him just that. But the bubble bursts a scene later.

A third living metaphor is the train-wreck of an idea to kidnap Malvolio in the first place, and keep him literally in the dark. Rather than change his ways, as the group of five had hoped, it did the opposite, making Malvolio blind with rage and vowing revenge. Lesson: you can’t change people unless they are willing to change.

A fourth living metaphor is Malvolio’s preening and posing before everyone he deems of lower status. His behavior, rather than raise others’ esteem for him, only makes them despise him. Although he may pretend it means nothing to him, it must touch him.

The fifth living metaphor is Fabian’s releasing Malvolio from his ‘prison.’ It represents any person of ethical behavior, who after some soul-searching, does the right thing.

[Bob Zaslow]

Day 10

Bob’s Questions and Counterexamples to an Old Way

What I learned doing this assignment was that my play gets its humor and drive from the bad deeds of my protagonist and change character, Malvolio. But it is helpful to me to see how the audience might react as his vengeance spirals ever deeper.

1. Old Way: Sir Toby and others humiliate Malvolio. Question: Does anyone deserve to be kidnapped for the ‘sin’ of excessive pride? Toby’s group was clearly wrong. Counterexample: Sir Toby’s group could have stopped at the forged love letter and left that as humiliation enough.

2. Old Way: Malvolio is outwardly confident that he is superior to everyone he encounters but landed gentry and royals. Question: Isn’t that ‘confidence’ really a subterfuge for lack of confidence in ever being good enough? Counterexample: Malvolio is overbearing, yes, but he’s also well-organized and does his overseeing the servants’ job very well. He would have no need to preen and brag if he were confident in his own powers. (But then I’d have no play.)

3. Old Way: Malvolio forges a letter exposing Maria’s marriage to Toby as fraudulent and therefore, her child as a bastard. Questions: How can you live with the shame of making a mother-to-be suffer? And is it really anything resembling a fair punishment for Maria’s role in the prank? Counterexample: Instead of aiming at Maria, perhaps he could focus his ire at her new husband, Sir Toby.

4. Old Way: Malvolio sets up a bogus real-estate deal and Sir Andrew invests and loses thousands of pounds. Questions: Does that punishment fit Andrew’s crime? And are you willing to risk jail for years if you’re found out? Counterexample- Malvolio returns the money (because he’s smart enough to know he’d be caught) exposing Andrew for a gullible dimwit.

5. Old Way: Malvolio eases up on a prank against Fabian, the baker, but his mill, in a fluke accident, gets burned down. Questions: When does revenge become blind revenge and spiral downward out of control? Does this incident convince him to stop this madness? Counterexample: It did convince him. It was the event that turned things from retribution to reparation, as Malvolio revealed his lies, gave back some of the money, and paid to rebuild Fabian’s mill…and then ran far away.

[Bob Zaslow]

Day 9 Part 2: Bob’s Old Ways Challenge Chart for my play.

What I learned doing this assignment is that taking a hard look at the many filters of perception, beliefs and ‘rules’ my characters have is a powerful way to debunk many long-standing beliefs. And it’s another tool to help pry the main character out of a stuck situation and into positive action. Some examples:

Old Way: An eye for an eye is what Malvolio lives by. “If they hit me, I hit back harder.”

New Way: “If they go low, we go high.” Fabian, the baker (and hardest hit), is the first to understand that, in the long run, good will win out.

Old Way: “If I don’t demonstrate how superior I am, people will treat me badly.”

New Way” “If you are simply yourself, devoid of pretense, you don’t waste all your energy posing and preening for others.”

Old Way: “People are pretty much what they do and what their status is. The higher the status, the greater the person.”

New Way: “Status is often something conferred by others upon you. What’s central is how you feel about your authentic self. Struggling for ever-higher position is wearying, worrisome, and a waste of precious time.”

Old Way: “I don’t care what all you low-life types think about me.”

New Way: “The truth is, you want to be liked, or at least, respected, by everyone.”

Old Way: “Some have greatness thrust upon them—and I am among that special group, destined for fame and fortune.”

New Way: “Greatness is something you achieve by your own actions. It is not ‘thrust upon you.’ You’ve got to earn it.”

Old Way: “I have just cause to retaliate in the name of vengeance.”

New Way: “But let the punishment fit the crime. You directly hurt FIVE people.”

Old Way: “It wasn’t my fault that a goat kicked over the lantern and burned down Fabian’s mill. I didn’t plan that.”

New Way: “Planned or not, your revenge meant no bread for the whole town. If you never sent in the goat to befoul Fabian’s mill as a prank, it never would have burned.”

Old Way: “But I didn’t mean it, I told you.”

New Way: “Tell that to all the hungry families.”

[Bob Zaslow]

Day 9. Twelve Angry Men

Bob’s Examples of Old Way vs. Challenging with New Way

What I learned from doing this assignment is that the majority of this film is like a seesaw demonstrating Old Way vs New Way, and the satisfying thing is the New Way (rational thinking, humanity, willing to hang out with ‘not knowing’) ultimately wins.

In the following bits of back and forth dialogue, the Old Way gets confronted and challenged by the New Way, until the Old Way eventually breaks down.

Old Way: (Rush to judgment) It’s an open and shut case.

New Way: Well, they’re entitled to a fair trial.

Old Way: (Bigotry colors his decision, literally pre-judging) You know what we’re dealing with….Maybe it serves him right, ya know what I mean? … The kid’s a dangerous killer, you can see it.

New Way:(providing some context for humanity) He’s 18 years old!

Old Way: (Quick to judgment) Why can’t you decide right now?

New Way: Supposing you’re wrong. You can’t send a boy off to die.

Old Way: (Bigoted) Look,Mister, he got a fair trial. He’s lucky he got it, ya know what I mean? … Listen, I’ve lived among them all my life. You can’t believe a word they say. I mean, they’re born liars.

New Way: Only an ignorant man would believe that!

Old Way: (a seemingly less prejudiced and meek juror, John Fiedler) I just thought he was guilty from the word go. Nobody proved otherwise.

New Way: (Henry Fonda with an important distinction poking a huge hole in ‘I just thought…’ talk. “Nobody HAD to prove otherwise. The burden of proof’s on the prosecution.”

Old Way: (from bigot) I don’t believe the kid’s story. I believe the neighbor-woman across the street’s testimony.

New Way: If you don’t believe the boy, why do you believe the woman? She’s one of “them” too. (Whoa, Fonda throws some heavy shade.)

Old Way: (from a seemingly reasonable juror) The witness said the boy was fighting with his father who slapped him. That seems like a motive.

New Way: (shedding light on the boy’s backstory to open up jurors’ minds) This kid’s been slapped around so many times in his life, I can’t see it as a motive.

Old Way: (from a blowhard) Bright? He’s a common, ignorant slob. He don’t even speak good English.

New Way: (from juror who speaks English as a second language and throwing his grammar as well as his opinion back in his face.) “Doesn’t” even speak good English.

Old Way: (from a reasonable-sounding juror) I think the boy went back for the knife to hide the evidence.

New Way: (from Fonda, whose character believes in ‘innocent until proven guilty’) Maybe…but maybe he really was out to a movie until 3 in the morning. I’m saying we just don’t know.

Old Way: (more bigotry painting with a wide brush) You’re out of your minds… a kid like that…

New Way: (reason over emotion) I don’t think the kind of kid he is has anything to do with it. The facts are supposed to determine the case.

Old Way: (more self-righteous nationalism) Whadaya mean, I don’t understand? Look at his guy! they come over here from God knows where and try to tell me I don’t understand? You know how ‘these people’ lie! It’s born in them! They get drunk and bam, someone’s lying in the gutter! etc.

New Way: (Nine jurors walk away from his tirade) And one juror who is still holding out for a guilty verdict (E.G. Marshall) says, Sit down and don’t open your mouth again!

New Way: Henry Fonda- We want to hear your arguments.

Old Way: Lee J Cobb- (Growling like a caged beast) I ALREADY GAVE YOU MY ARGUMENTS!

New Way: (patience) We want to hear them again.

So, in general, the Old Ways are non-thinking, gut-based and bigoted assumptions driving decisions and the New Ways are rational thinking and humanity, keeping in mind that each life is sacred.

[Bob Zaslow]

DAY 8: Bob’s Designing a Profound Ending

What I learned doing this assignment was that the process of creating a profound ending is easier if I work backwards, starting with the ending I want and then setting up a situation where no audience could believe it would happen because I’ve added clues and behavior that support that view, sprinkled in with some touches that it might be possible to see a change, but not likely.

What is my Profound Truth? How will the ending deliver it powerfully?

Revenge ties both the injured and the injurer to a continual downward spiral of pain, and so true happiness can only be achieved when there is forgiveness on both sides.

How does my Change Agent, Fabian, the baker, come to an end in a way that represents a complete change?

Long before the play opens, Fabian has disliked the arrogant Malvolio for his supercilious treatment of him, always making him feel ‘less than.’ He is therefore, happy to help in the ruse to humiliate him. He didn’t instigate the action, but he complied eagerly. He is also the first to admit wrongdoing and feel sorry for his action. When Malvolio accidentally burns down his bakery, he is furious and vows to retaliate, but when Malvolio has a change of heart, he gives Fabian enough money to rebuild and his hatred for the steward turns to thankfulness. He has learned to forgive and forget.

How does my Transformable Character, Malvolio, come to an end in a way that represents a complete change?

First, the audience will commiserate with him that his punishment did not fit the crime. The tricksters who humiliated him need to be punished. Soon, however, they will see what a supercilious, arrogant fellow he is. Then, when they follow his raging vendetta against those five characters, they will turn against him because his punishments are far worse than theirs. So, 80 pages or so into the play, we only see a slow shift to becoming more reasonable in his tirade. Ironically, when he lets up on Fabian, unplanned disaster hits: his bakery and mill catch on fire and he has lost his home and a way to care for his family. That event turns even the hard-hearted Malvolio into seeing the truth we had only hits of before: revenge serves nobody. In fact, it has made him more miserable and more hated than ever. He now becomes driven to make things right. He reveals all his lies and subterfuges and gives Fabian enough money to rebuild his bakery. It’s not great, but it’s the best he can do before he leaves the village for a place far, far away. And he and the audience can feel good about starting fresh.

What are the setup/payoffs that complete in the end of this movie, giving it deep meaning?

– Five people play a mean trick on Malvolio. Payoff: He is humiliated.

– Malvolio swears revenge. Payoff: He finds a way to humiliate/harm each of them.

– Fabian, the baker, was first to admit his part in the ruse. Payoff: Ironically, although Malvolio tries to “go easy on him,” he accidentally burns down his business.

– Sir Toby, the ringleader of the group of five, vows to kill Malvolio in a duel. Payoff- Fabian convinces him bloodshed is not the way.

– Malvolio cleverly (without being seen) reveals to each of the five all his lies and tricks. Payoff- he finally can be himself (but in another town), without posing as someone he’s not, liberated from his own self-imposed prison of hate and revenge. He now knows that revenge takes its revenge on the revenger.

How are you designing it to have us see an inevitable ending and then making it surprising when it happens?

Malvolio devises five devilish stunts to humiliate each person in the group who did him wrong. But by the second or third stunt, we see a small crack in his armor. Is that a hint of remorse at seeing Maria cry at the thought that the baby she’s carrying may be a bastard? Or for stealing Sir Andrew’s money? Perhaps, his demeanor changes a bit, just enough to throw a little doubt on the revenge-driven Malvolio going mad with power. However, the audience may think there is so little chance of this man redeeming himself. But…but…when the unexpected happens, and a relatively mild stunt aimed at the fifth (and change-agent) character goes horribly wrong, his heart is pierced with real remorse for the first time. It is his transformation from Scrooge on Christmas Eve to Christmas Morning.

What is the Parting Image/Line that leaves us with the Profound Truth in our minds?

I can picture Malvolio riding off on a donkey to a new town miles and miles away, wearing his yellow stockings and cross-gartered. He never used to like this style, but he’s a changed man. And for the first time, seems genuinely happy. His last line is to the donkey: “Well, we made it, Sir Toby, and all’s well that ends well!”

[Bob Zaslow]

Bob’s ‘Connection with the Audience’

What I learned doing this assignment was the value of crafting my play so my audience is eager to see what’s next. In Hal’s words, “…if we feel a connection with your characters, we’ll go on the journey with you.”

1. Characters I hope to create an audience connection with:

Fabian, the baker. (Change Agent) A) Reliability: He is someone others can rely on to admit when he’s wrong and be loyal to his friends. B) Intrigue: The audience will wonder whether he will want to get revenge for Malvolio burning down his mill. C) Empathy: He is the lowest status of his friends, but he accepts that status and is comfortable in his own skin, which will get audiences on his side even before his business goes up in flames. D) Likability: Unlike other characters in this play, he does not take himself too seriously. He is able to step back and be himself without adornment. In addition, he puts his family above himself and is easy to forgive, despite the disaster to his business.

Malvolio, the steward. (Transformational Character) A) Reliability: He can be relied on to be obnoxious to anyone he considers lower status or unworthy of his time. And he’ll reliably be servile to anyone above his station who may be able to help him raise it. B) Intrigue: How far will he go to get even with the people who smeared his name and locked him up? C) Empathy: The audience will have empathy for him when he’s in the dark, alone in the dark. And when they hear of the dastardly tricks played upon him. But after the first or second time he gets even, far surpassing the nastiness done to him, the empathy will melt away and the audience will begin to root for either his comeuppance or his transformation. D) Likability: As with his empathy quotient, his likability factor will probably plummet by the time he gets even with the second offender. Although he may be admired for the evil genius of his plans.

[Bob Zaslow]

Lesson 6: Bob’s Transformational Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is the value of using a Mini Movie structure to create an ebb and flow to my play. In addition, I learned that I can use a combination of the three gradients in a kind of ‘mix and match’ way to serve the story and stay true to a profound ending. This play is closest in nature to ‘Groundhog Day’ because in both, the protagonist takes a long time to make any changes.

Transformational Logline- After being humiliated and vowing his revenge, an overbearing, arrogant steward transforms from getting even to sincere remorse when he realizes his revenge has gone way too far.

Transformational Character- Malvolio (from ‘Twelfth Night’).

Mini Movie Structure-

Play starts in near darkness. (DOUBT) Malvolio relates to Feste, the Clown, that he has been kidnapped and thrown in a dungeon on completely false charges. Feste pretends to want to help (HOPE) but does not do so. (DISCOURAGEMENT) Malvolio moves from being angry to raging with revenge. (LOSS)

Fabian, the town’s baker, and one of the group of five who tricks Malvolio, feels remorse and when Feste leaves, he secretly unlocks the door (COURAGE) and runs away before Malvolio sees him.( TRIUMPH) Turning points- Feste makes amends; Malvolio gets free. He must talk to his mistress.

Malvolio makes his case to Lady Olivia that she wrote him the letter asking him to wear yellow stockings and cross-garters. (CONFIDENT BUT OVERBEARING) He thought she was in love with him. Instead, he was thought to be mad and locked up. (OUTWARD CONFIDENCE COVERS DEEP INSECURITY) She guesses that the letter must have been forged by her maid, Maria. She summons her and her new husband, Sir Toby, as well as Sir Andrew, Fabian, and the Clown and we hear their confessions. Turning point- Malvolio goes from angry to unrelentingly furious and vows his revenge.

Malvolio hatches his first plan of revenge (EXCITEMENT) against the letter-writer, Maria. He pays off a shady magistrate (DOUBT) who draws up a false document stating that Sir Toby is still married to a woman several towns away; which would make the newly pregnant Maria’s baby a bastard. (HOPE) Maria is besides herself with dismay.(TRIUMPH) Sir Toby cannot convince her it’s a forgery. Turning point- Malvolio relishes a victory over his hated opponent and he wants more. (Not yet on the road to transformation.)

Maria kicks him out of the house and Malvolio’s second revenge becomes clear: he hires a prostitute to proposition Toby at the local tavern, and Toby, now in a fragile state, agrees. (EXCITEMENT) Malvolio’s letter to Maria alerts him to the tryst (HOPE) and she is there to catch him before the act. (TRIUMPH) Two pounds of flesh extracted by Malvolio. Turning point- he begins to feel a touch of remorse, but is still carried away at the power of his plotting. (COURAGE IN A NEGATIVE WAY)

Sir Andrew’s weakness is greed. So, when Malvolio pays off an itinerant confidence artist (EXCITEMENT) to pose as a real estate mogul with a get-rich-quick scheme, he is not sure Andrew will bite at the ruse (DOUBT). When Andrew invests hundreds of pounds in the bogus operation, (TRIUMPH) it immediately closes down. Malvolio splits his ill-gotten gains with the con-man. Turning point- Though he feels revenged when Sir Andrew must beg Lady Olivia for a meal, a sense of vague sadness invades him. It’s his humanity. But he quickly squelches it (DOUBT) and moves on to the next stage of his revenge plan.

Feste is the court clown of Duke Orsino, who provides him with a life of ease. But Malvolio attempts to steal some of the Duke’s fine silver (EXCITEMENT) and then writes a letter to him placing the blame on Feste. (DOUBT) When the Duke accuses him (HOPE), Feste’s defense proves not believable and the Duke fires him. (TRIUMPH for Malvolio) The clown must now fend for himself. Turning point- Malvolio suddenly feels like perhaps the Duke’s punishment was too harsh, but rationalizes that Feste deserved it. (DOUBT)

Fabian, the baker, is the last person on Malvolio’s revenge list. He decides he only deserves a minor prank, namely sending a goat into his mill and bakery building to befoul it. But the goat turns over a lantern and sets the place on fire and it burns to the ground. (DOUBT) Fabian now has no way of feeding and housing his family and the entire town will have no bread. (DISCOURAGEMENT) Turning point- It is now clear what was once vague: Malvolio’s retribution has caused far more harm than any perceived good feelings. (FAILURE) The fire was the last straw. He is filled with remorse for the evil he’s done in the name of vengeance. Turning point 2- He vows to make amends.

Malvolio figures out a way to undo his deeds (EXCITEMENT) and then try to leave town quickly. (DOUBT) He delivers a lump sum of money to Fabian to rebuild his mill and bakery.(HOPE) He writes a letter to Feste the clown, Toby and Maria explaining his nasty tricks, and he returns half of Sir Andrew’s money back to him. (COURAGE, HOPE) He then rides off to a town far, far away. Malvolio has dropped his vendetta and learned a valuable lesson. Moreover, he no longer feels he must preen and pose to prove his worth. All in all, he is a happier man for it. (HOPE, TRIUMPH)

[Bob Zaslow]

Bob’s Three Gradients (for stage play) “I’ll Get Revenge on the Whole Pack of You.”

What I learned doing this assignment is by finding weakness after weakness in my protagonist, and looking at the ‘why’ behind his obnoxious behavior, I can write a play with more depth. And more pressure. Not just for laughs. That is a huge learning for me.

The Emotional Gradient I’ll use is the “Forced Change” Emotional Gradient.

The opening ten to fifteen pages or so present the protagonist, Malvolio (the steward in ‘Twelfth Night,’) locked in a dungeon as a ‘practical joke.’ He goes through many of Kubler-Ross’ stages of grief— but not starting with denial. He moves right to anger. To get out, he goes through hope followed by feeling discouraged, but using whatever power of persuasion he has, he manages to get out.

Note- this play is meant to be a comedy with a serious theme of how revenge hurts the avenger in the long run.

The next stage of his journey is all about revenge. This is a character whose strengths and weaknesses make him capable of carrying out his threats to get back at the instigators who made his life hell and sullied his name.

He is well-educated and good at debate, but he is also a pompous, overbearing ass. His comfort zone is be nasty to others before they’re nasty to him. His outward confidence hides a deep insecurity about his relative importance in society. He desperately wants to be looked up to as someone of substance, and this incident does the reverse. He is quick to criticize others but cannot take criticism from someone else. He is obsequious to his countess, Lady Olivia, but nasty to anyone he considers beneath him or someone who cannot elevate his status.

Emotion: Rage at Olivia’s uncle, Sir Toby, for carrying out the plot. Action: He sets up trap to catch Toby in a tryst with a prostitute and tells his new wife about it, thus hurting her (a co-conspirator in the prank) as well. Weakness: He does not care that his punishment doesn’t fit the crime. He’s losing sight of all aspects of right and wrong.

Emotion: Rage at Sir Andrew and other characters in the plot. Action: His ways of getting back at them, while they have a humorous side to them, are also mean. And the more he takes his pound of flesh, the more he wants to take. Weakness: He’s lost all sense of morality.

Emotion: Rage at the baker, Fabian. Action: He sets his mill on fire and prevents him from earning a living for him and his family, while also depriving the village of bread. Weakness: He doesn’t care at first, but then he realizes he’s really gone too far.

Emotion: Remorse. Action: He fesses up and even helps pay to build a new mill for Fabian. He realizes he doesn’t have to hide behind a veil of pomposity.

Transformation: He leaned that rather than trying to pursue revenge as well as separate himself from certain parts of society, he is far happier being a kinder version of his old self.

[Bob Zaslow]

Lesson 4 B- Bob Zaslow answers questions about DEAD POETS’ SOCIETY

The Transformational Journey in this film is one from living a life based on a controlled structure to moving toward living spontaneously and experiencing each moment as special. A journey from devotion to ‘Tradition,’ the first of Welton’s four pillars, to living fully, seizing every opportunity to experience life.

Lead Characters:

The Change Agent is Mr. Keating, who encourages his students to find their own voices. By the end of the film, we see the majority of boys break tradition and disobey the school’s headmaster by standing on their desks in support of Mr. Keating. Which is a sure sign they have been inspired and changed by what they’ve learned.

At first, I thought the Transformable Character was Neil, who moves from a boy who has successfully played by his parents’ rules all his life to someone who is willing to give up everything to break out of what he now sees as his prison. If he can’t live life on his own terms, he reasons, he will end his life. But when I thought about what character changed the most in this film, I could also make a good case for Todd. I wrote more about that choice below.

The Oppression is clearly the pillar of ‘Tradition’ Welton Academy imposes on their boys as well as the narrow path to traditional success the boys’ parents envision for them. Almost as if the boys don’t color inside the lines, they are doomed to failure. So, it’s an Oppression backed by fear. Fear of the school losing their good name and fathers and mothers fearing their sons will not be the doctor or lawyer or captain of industry they are pinning their hopes on.

How are we lured into this profound journey? For me, the dichotomy between the regimented behavior of the school’s rote traditions sets a tone of non-thinking sameness even before Mr. Keating enters the film. (Remember how each boy lights his light-of-knowledge candle with the boy’s candle to his right?) Then when Keating introduces the boys to a 180-degree different way of experiencing the world, and he does it with such gusto and good humor, I am hooked. I loved how he used stoic principles to talk about seizing the day while showing them photos of students now long dead and rotting in the earth.

What character changed the most? For me, it’s Todd, the shy newcomer, who is so self-conscious, he barely speaks more than a sentence at a time. It takes the trauma of the death of his roommate, Neil, and then being forced to sign a document against his will, that gave him a new perspective on his life. Literally. He is the first to stand on his desk, risking expulsion, in honor of “Captain, my Captain.”

What steps did Todd go through to make the change? It began by revealing the pressure of being a younger brother to a super-star student and now, successful man, which weighs heavily on Todd, who is expected to measure up to the highest standards. It’s no wonder he’s quiet and keeps mostly to himself. He finally opens up to Neil about what was important to him personally, and his disappointment with his parents’ lack of understanding of who he really is. And when Neil threw the desk Todd’s parents gave him off the roof, Todd had to laugh and showed some rebellion for the first time. Furthermore, when Mr. Keating helps Todd create a poem in front of the class with his eyes closed, he ‘writes’ something beautiful and worthwhile. We can see him getting more and more comfortable in his own skin.

And when Neil went directly against his parents’ wishes and took the role in the play, Todd eventually realized it was possible for him to do something similar. Again, it goes back to standing on that desk and seeing the world from a different perspective.

So many profound moments: the scene in the hallway when Mr. Keating shows the boys photos of former students, now gone, and encourages them to seize the day and make their lives extraordinary. Also profound, but in a negative way, Headmaster Nolan’s speech emphasizing the four pillars of the school’s credo and his intimidating way of delivering his message to the boys. I also loved the scene in the classroom where Keating asks the boys to rip out the introduction to their poetry book and speaks from his heart about how poetry, beauty and love are why we stay alive, ending with what they think their contributions to the world will be. In another scene, Keating has the boys stand up on the desk to learn to look at the world from a different perspective. Then, when Todd says he didn’t write a poem, Keating irks him on to create one and Todd does so beautifully. Applause. Then, there’s the trio of scenes revolving around Neil and his father: Neil is forced to quit the play. Neil’s father watches Neil acting and confronts him about the consequences. Neil takes his own life and his father is in agony. Finally, I loved the scene when the majority of boys stood up on their desks in celebration of their Captain.

Most Profound Lines-

“Carpe Diem. Seize the Day. Make your lives extraordinary!”

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.”

“We would suck the marrow out of life.”

“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read it because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion….But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.”

“…that the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?”

How does the ending pay off the setup?

The setup is pure constricting tradition. From marching in step to lighting the candles of knowledge the way the boys have been doing it for a hundred years, to parents insisting their children follow a regimented path to success.

The ending is an about face from that. Rather than bowing to Tradition as king, the boys’ transformation represents passion, love, beauty, aliveness and living in the moment at what’s truly important. So, they’ve come full circle in their journey.

The Profound Truth of this movie- Despite what society tells us, each one of us is on our own individual path, a path that may or may not include the traditional way of doing and thinking. Instead of focusing into the future, real success includes living in the moment and being alive to art, beauty, truth, and love.

[Bob Zaslow]

What Bob Zaslow learned doing this assignment:

-A character I considered ‘minor,’ Fabian, can actually act as the Change Agent. I will be giving him a backstory I had not even considered before.

-I also realized that The Oppression can be a tangible part of the motivations in this play.

The Oppression of Revenge on both sides will help spiral the story into a place that will require a lot of struggle for both sides to dig out from.

-Finally, I never thought about having a “Betraying Character” in this play. It seems quite clearly Malvolio against the group. But with Sir Toby potentially betraying their agreement to shake hands and make up, it adds a new layer of complexity to the ending.

Transformational journey logline: – Malvolio, Lady Olivia’s steward in Shakespeare’s ‘Twelfth Night,’ moves from a condescending, narcissistic toady to feeling desperation and anger for being thrown into a dungeon and humiliated on false pretenses… to being driven by a blind revenge to get even at any cost….to going too far with one offender and thus feeling true remorse for his actions…resulting in him finally dropping his pretense and for the first time, actually feeling real.

Change Agent- Fabian, the town’s baker. Although he was in on the plan to humiliate and wrongly incarcerate Malvolio, he is a simple, hard-working man who supplies his family and the whole town with sustenance. Fabian’s vision is to let bygones be bygones and is the first to admit he was wrong. His vision is to live and let live, evidenced by his good-humored response to sometimes being the butt of his friends’ jokes. He’s also the only one of the group who depends on the labor of his own hands for the little wealth he has obtained.

Transformational Character- Malvolio, Lady Olivia’s steward, supervising the servants. Much like Phil, in ‘Groundhog Day,’ Malvolio comes off as an officious, despicable fellow. So when he is kidnapped and made to look like a lunatic, the audience may feel he deserved it. But when the practical joke is revealed, his nastiness turns to rage and he vows to “…take revenge on the whole pack of you!” Each nasty scheme he successfully launches gives fuel to make the subsequent plan even worse, until he gets sucked into a whirlpool of revenge. Until the turning point, when one of his schemes adversely affects many people. That event is the thing that transform him, like the old guy dying in the hospital after Phil couldn’t resuscitate him because it was his time.

The Oppression- The unrelenting force that affects this story is the overarching need to get righteous payback for being wronged. It starts with Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, Maria (Lady Olivia’s servant) and Fabian wanting to ‘teach a lesson’ to the odious Malvolio for his put downs and oppressive ordering of them around (even though two of them are higher-status than he is). Once Malvolio retaliates, Sir Toby and his friends want to ratchet up the retaliation needle, and so on, in an endless spiral downward.

The Betraying Character- Sir Toby. As the character who harbors the most resentment against Malvolio, he cannot bring himself to a truce once Malvolio atones for his behavior against them all. It may only be by her clever manipulation that his now wife, Maria, coerces him to back off. (I had not thought about the need for such a character, but I can see it might add a tension near the end of the play that it would not have had.)

[Bob Zaslow]

Cheryl-

I find I cannot type my answer into Word and then copy and paste it into this space. Is it just my machine or can you make that option available?

[Bob Zaslow]

Bob Zaslow’s Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this assignment was that looking at the notions of how ‘Old Ways’ transform into ‘New Ways’ is a powerful method to help me ground my play. It’s got a built-in ‘Hero’s Journey’ wrapped into it. The same applies to writing a succinct log line. Both devices keep me from lapsing into tangents that don’t service the story spine. In the past, when I’d just become inspired and write by the seat of my pant, everything might go great….for three or four pages…and then reality would set in and I’d be stuck.

Log line- Malvolio, a condescending, narcissistic steward to Lady Olivia (in Shakespeare’s comedy, <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Twelfth Night) is driven by blind revenge to pay back the four characters who did him wrong and humiliated him, until one of his acts of revenge goes too far and he actually feels remorse, finally discovering he is freer and happier dropping his pretense and seeing all people as equals.

Malvolio’s Old Ways- putting down almost everyone with epithets and witty remarks about why they are a scourge upon the earth or a wasted excuse for life or a drunken nobody. On the other hand, he was super-condescending to his mistress, Lady Olivia, who could open doors to fame and fortune if he played his cards right.

Malvolio’s New Ways- once he realizes his old ways are harmful and drops his vendettas, he befriends his former enemies and toasts to their health at the local pub. He even takes on a protege and works with him to pass on his understanding of how to be a good steward. And now, rather than continually boast of his accomplishments, he volunteers to help the less fortunate. He stops his gold-digging and is even happy for Lady Olivia and her new husband. For the first time in years, he feels truly happy.

[Bob Zaslow]

I, Bob Zaslow, agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Bob Zaslow]

Bob Zaslow’s First Three Decisions

(I’m actually writing a stage play, not a screenplay, but I think the same ideas apply.)

What I learned– I need to focus on the change in my audience as much as the change in my main character. Until now, I took that change in the audience for granted. But now, focusing on it, I feel like I’m more grounded in the bigger picture of what can help make a script successful.

My profound truth- Seeking blind revenge will ultimately make you miserable.

The change in the audience- they’ll see the long-term folly of pursuing a grudge or resentment because of another’s ill will or nastiness. Revenge may give them temporary satisfaction, but will eventually lead to great unhappiness.

Entertainment Vehicle- the world of Shakespeare’s great comedy, “Twelfth Night”…but several days after the curtain drops. The main character is Malvolio, the arrogant steward of Lady Olivia. He swears “..revenge on the whole pack of you!” for a practical joke that went too far. But when his own revenge goes too far, he’s transformed and realizes he must make it right.

[Bob Zaslow]

Hi- I’m Bob Zaslow, a retired documentary filmmaker, NYC teacher, and advertising copywriter. Today I live with my wife, Ann, and cat, Smokey, in a small house on a lake near Bellingham, WA. I’ve written two screenplays and the book for a full-length musical comedy that performed Off-Broadway. I’ve also written six one-act comedies performed Off-Off Broadway. I’ve also written and published many picture books for children. And for high school students, I wrote, “Rap-Notes: Shakespeare’s Greatest Hits,” where I wrote the synopsis to five of his most popular plays in rap. Today, I’m working on a full-length “Rap-A-Dap-Tation” of Shakespeare’s comedy, “Twelfth Night.”

I hope this course will help me tackle a brand new project– a full-length stage play based on Malvolio, the arrogant steward in “Twelfth Night.”

As a filmmaker (many years ago), I won a Bronze Award from the American Film Institute for a documentary film I wrote, shot, and edited. And one of my plays was published in “Best Ten-Minute Plays, 2019.

[Bob Zaslow]

Bob Zaslow’s analysis of Groundhog Day.

The key learning for me was an important insight into adjusting the play I’m now working on, which also includes a main character who the audience will initially dislike because he is vain, proud, and condescending. He then goes on to descend into his own personal hell by avenging the wrongs done to him with worse wrongs. I’m now clear that I will have the character’s journey lead to an awakening to a new way of thinking about his life.

This learning is key to adding the ‘profound’ element to a play that I had originally intended to write it without much thought to a serious theme. (Thank you, Hal.)

In Groundhog Day, the lead character, Phil, takes a long time to undergo a transformation. To me, that is both a source of its great humor and its wisdom about human nature. And it may also be why we begin to care about him so much. Somewhere along the line, I admired his tenacity in fighting to stick to his ‘old ways.’ He did not give up easily to the antagonist, which is some version of Karma or Fate.

I think most of us root for a struggling character, despite his flaws, and often because of them.

Turning to the questions, the ‘transformational journey’ is Phil’s changing from an egocentric-based existence to an inclusive one, where there is room for others to be nourished and cared for. And with it, the realization that loving is more joyous a feeling than even getting loved or heaped with accolades.

The ‘change agent’ is Rita, his producer. (We first see her against a green screen, a sort of free-spirited angel in the clouds.) Without her existence being antithetical to everything Phil is, without her kindness and openness, I don’t know if Phil would have felt motivated to make that change from his old ways. He saw a goodness that outshined even her beauty, which stirred something he may have once felt but had disappeared from his life years ago.

On his third day in this hell, Phil asks the guys at the gar, “What would you do if you woke up and every day was the same? And nothing else mattered?”

And one of the guys looks down and admits, “That sums it up for me.”

I wonder how many in the audience reluctantly admitted that they sometimes felt the same way. I think that’s when I really began to feel ‘lured in’ to Phil’s plight. Yes, he’s still a jerk, but, maybe like me, a jerk in trouble. That’s the moment I started to root for him to dig himself out of it.

But this journey is replete with setbacks and old assumptions. “I don’t worry about anything anymore. It’s what makes me so special!” Phil says. But his words ring hollow.

In addition, he tries to ‘make’ Rita love him with the knowledge of her life he gleans. And while this initially impresses her the same way a magician’s sleight-of-hand wows an audience, it’s only temporary, and when she senses that the rabbit’s hidden in his coat, she rejects him over and over again.

The epiphany for Phil, and for the audience, occurs when the homeless guy dies and Phil tries to keep him alive. He learns from the nurse, “It was just his time.”

Just his time– the very thing Phil has a seemingly unlimited supply of, but still, he is incapable of changing time’s flight for anyone else.

To me, that was the beginning of Phil’s shift to ‘the new ways’ of thinking and experiencing the world. He gave up the old, ‘me, me, me,’ orientation in exchange for a life of support, kindness, and comfort for others. We can see something shift. He begins to lose himself and, in return, finds joy. That shift is what finally broke Fate’s chain and allowed Phil to have his life back, only now, far richer, truer, and about ‘you, you, you.’

So for me, the ‘Profound Truth’ of Groundhog Day is that you are the only one who has the choice to give your life meaning. Don’t wait for another 6:00 AM. Do it now.

[Bob Zaslow]

I just read your kind comment, Vivien. Thank you.

[Bob Zaslow]

Connie-

I like how Layla struggles and struggles against her own transformation until she is backed into a corner and feels compelled to change. That struggle is what I think will make the audience root hard for Layla to have things turn out the way they did. Nice work!

[Bob Zaslow]

Hi, Chris-

Thanks for your comments about Twelfth Night- a Rap-A-Dap-Tation. I’m working on a 3-minute promo for it this week and next aimed at producers and educational institutions.

I’m sorry to hear about the layoffs. Good luck in your next step. I’ve always found that cliche to be true: when one door closes, another one opens up. It’s usually impossible to see in the middle of it, but, hang in there.

Regarding Jim Cash, it’s so ironic ‘that movies did not come up too often in the conversation.’

Good luck moving forward. And keep writing!

[Bob Zaslow]

You’re welcome.

[Bob Zaslow]

Hope-

I was just looking back at our Introductions page and you introduced yourself as living in Port Orchard, WA. My wife and I live just over the border, in southern Whatcom County, but with a Sedro Woolley address. When you’re finished with Day 16, I’d love to share critiques with you on your mini movie structure. Your neighbor, Bob Zaslow.

[Bob Zaslow]

Joan- When Selma lies to Elizabeth, you could use her response to create a profound line that points to behavior that repeats throughout your play. Something like, “You just lied to me. That’s abuse!” It allows you to take a look at different character arcs and see where they’ve been abused as well…by lies or subterfuge or manipulation.

[Bob Zaslow]

You’re very kind to say so. Thank you, Joan.

[Bob Zaslow]

Hope- Regarding finding metaphors for your play, I think there’s one in the idea of a character’s fear of animals. That could represent any fear of taking a step she’s never taken before. A step into the unknown.

[Bob Zaslow]

Joan- I’m glad we had the same issue with not seeing the irony until we focused on it. But now we can never unsee it. For everything else we write.

Regarding your examples, the one that stood out most for me is: “…she realizes she gave up her baby for no reason. This is so terrible that she wants to be delusional for real.” What a conflict! And what an irony. Well done.

[Bob Zaslow]

Joan-

To answer your question: no. I’ve realized these insights in this course only. I came into it with just a vague outline of my play. So each day is opening new doors of understanding. And I intend to go back to at least one other full-length play and use Hal’s questions to help me make that one stronger. Thank you for asking. It made me see how lucky I was to take this class.

[Bob Zaslow]

Thank you, Marilynne. I did not think of any of these ideas before this course. I’m grateful for that.

[Bob Zaslow]

Ashley- I love how often you were able to challenge the Old Way of “playing small keeps you safe.” I also want to like the metaphor of the mushroom, but I wonder if you can trace the mushroom’s roots into the earth and see how it connects with many other mushrooms, a metaphor for the underground world.

[Bob Zaslow]

Vivien- Brava! For me, you’ve written the most comprehensive analysis of Old Ways vs. New Ways! As I read though it, I found myself nodding at little points I missed. Thank you! I love how committed you are to excellence.

[Bob Zaslow]

Thank you, Joan. That’s encouraging to read. What’s amazing is, all these “New Ways” and challenges were not a big part of my thinking before I started this course, which I think will forever change how I approach writing a play.

[Bob Zaslow]

Joan- I got goosebumps, when in the first paragraph above you wrote, “In every deprogramming session, Selma challenges Elizabeth’s old ways of thinking. In fact, that is what deprogramming is about. It is so obvious, but I didn’t see it until I did this assignment.”

I, too, have been seeing elements of my idea that have just come to light. And like you, they seem obvious now, but until the last two days, they were hidden. Thank you for sharing!

[Bob Zaslow]

Thank you, Joan. I really enjoyed doing this “close watching” of the film. Glad I could pause it. It gave me new insights into what Hal has been talking about.

[Bob Zaslow]

Ashley- Yes, thank you. Her journey is clear to me now.

[Bob Zaslow]

Ashley- Your payoff is indeed profound. And scary. But I’m not clear about Malinche’s journey. Unless I missed it from previous assignments, I don’t understand how she can make her transformation to loving herself, owning her gift and taking charge as leader. I’ll look again at your previous posts.

[Bob Zaslow]

Chris- That’s really kind of you. Please check out my Twelfth Night- A Rap-A-Dap-Tation on YouTube. My partner and I wrote this version for high school audiences and made a video with comic-book type illustrations to give producers a sense of what it would look like. Here’s the link: https://youtu.be/hggMD2U5-I0

[Bob Zaslow]

Thank you, Joan. I guess I was the unreliable one.

[Bob Zaslow]

Good advice, Marilyn.

[Bob Zaslow]

Thank you, Joan. It’s so exciting to me, since a week and a half ago, all I had was a vague idea asking myself, “Do you think the character Malvolio will really make good on his threat to get revenge on five people?”

[Bob Zaslow]

I think Selma’s eviction notice comes at the right time, just a few minutes after you’ve established her ordinary world. It’s the inciting incident that sets all her subsequent actions into motion.

[Bob Zaslow]

Joan- regarding the character of Selma, you say, “Her first wish is to be happy.” But that desire may be too vague for it to be useful to you in developing her character and how she deals with the stuff that constantly gets in her way. Perhaps a better tack might be to say, “Above all, she needs to find herself and her purpose.” I am only repeating your own thoughts in a different way. (You wrote, “She has lost herself.”) Maybe with that one shift, you might see that puzzle fall into place a little easier.

[Bob Zaslow]

Chris- your story has really come together for me now. I think one of the judge’s key motivators is shame: the fear of losing his high position in society as a judge. I think that emotion will go a long way to propelling all kinds of risky actions.

[Bob Zaslow]

Joan- I like how you were able to use the MM to create a cohesive structure to your play. Good clarity and flow. Well done!

[Bob Zaslow]

Well done, Marilynne! You were so on point, you’ve inspired me to take another look at my submission. Thank you.

[Bob Zaslow]

Joan- I think you nailed it! Thank you for how succinctly you shined a light on the keys to understanding this play. Well done!

[Bob Zaslow]

I especially like her nicely the notion of ‘the Oppression’ fits into your story– the literal oppression of females. I also like the twist of a former Mayan slave as the betraying character.

[Bob Zaslow]

Ashley-

I don’t understand the second part of your log line, “…but she must find her desire to truly live.”

I wonder what you mean by ‘desire?’ I guess if it’s clear to you, it doesn’t matter. But I’d like more clarity on what ‘to truly live’ means. Is it as opposed to living with ennui and a sense of no purpose?

[Bob Zaslow]

Thank you, Chris. I’ll try Notepad.

[Bob Zaslow]

Thank you. I’ll try it.

[Bob Zaslow]

Joan- I also recently watched “The Banshees of Inisherin,” and agree with your description as it being less a black comedy a more a bleak comedy. For me, it took the notion of cutting off your nose to spite your face way over the edge.

[Bob Zaslow]

Chris– You had me at LilPutins.

Brilliant twist!

[Bob Zaslow]

Brenda- I like the directness of what you learned: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>showing an emotional change with the character, through his actions, brought the audience with him.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

Just keeping that notion of ‘showing an emotional change’ will now become a key for me when sitting at my laptop and thinking about where I’m going to take my next pages.

[Bob Zaslow]

JD, I didn’t worry about formatting my answer to match a particular set of guidelines. Instead, I wrote my answers as an essay that tried to incorporate all the questions. This exercise is for each one of us, after all. Hal is not grading us.

[Bob Zaslow]

Alfonso-

Thank you for simply putting out what you learned in your first sentence:

“I learned the importance of leaving the audience with a profound resolution…”

“Write toward a profound resolution” is now on a Post-It Note near my laptop.🙂

[Bob Zaslow]

Ashley-

I love that you shared that gorgeous line at the end of the film. The line that showed how far he had come over to his new way of thinking while admitting the failure of the old way:

“I don’t deserve someone like you. But if I ever could, I swear I would love you for the rest of my life.”

Thank you for reminding me of that tender, transformational moment. Phil has done a complete 180 and come into the light.

[Bob Zaslow]

I really like how you summed up the message in your last sentence:

“Phil realizes that he needs to find a purpose in life and that he has the responsibility and power to do so. It’s by taking charge of his life that he finds happiness.”

[Bob Zaslow]

You had me at your first paragraph: “I needed to distinguish between quotes that moved the story forward versus quotes that are really profound.”

I’m going to be adding that distinction to my next ‘close viewing’ of a movie. Thank you for sharing that dilemma.

[Bob Zaslow]

Christopher-

I think one of the clues to the movie’s continued success lies in the words you used to sum up its message: “It’s never too late to change.” There’s hope for everyone in the audience.

[Bob Zaslow]

Liz- When I came to this line of yours, I had to stop and reread it. Because it used the theme of ‘stuckness’ so perfectly: “Phil is stuck in his job, stuck in his arrogant mindset and stuck in his own selfish world. When he becomes stuck in Feb. 2, a succession of events finally forces him to accept what life has to offer him (glass half full point of view), and when he embraces the changes he needs to make, he attains the love of his life.”

Thank you for your cogent analysis, especially the notion of being stuck. Perfect!

[Bob Zaslow]

Joan-

I like how succinctly you answered the questions. No wasted words. I also like how well you summed a big reason for his behavior: “…because he was a TV star, he had the right to be cynical, walk over people, and use people in any way he wanted.” Perfect. Thank you for shedding more light on the film for me.