[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Character Death Track:

What I learned doing this assignment is… I need to have a clear sense of what purpose each death serves, in order to prevent them being pointless deaths. Also, will need to understand these charaacters fully, to see how they ended as they did.

LESSON 6: CHARACTER DEATH TRACK

TITLE/CONCEPT: SHADOWS/Hannah is murdered by a deranged killer the night of her senior prom, and wakes to find herself in a shadowy version of her small hometown, populated by the dozen or so inhabitants that died on the same day – including her killer, who is out to finish the job and destroy her soul forever, before she can be spun out into a new life.
CHAR 1 DEATH: EMILY (high school prom reject – in real world)
Why: Starts the Horror
How: Escape attempt leads them into it – James strangles her with guitar string, bites off her tongue
CHAR 2 DEATH: DARLENE (waitress)
Why: in Denial
How: GIVES UP – James, in Diner, whispers to Darlene, who falls to her knees and weeps – his breath invades her throat, her tongue protrudes – James GRABS IT AND PULLS
CHAR 3 DEATH: MARIGOLD (perfect housewife)
Why: Character Flaw/Denial – can’t acknowledge her loss (children died? Did SHE kill herself?)
How: BACKS INTO IT – lured into house by piano music
INSIDE: Marigold at upright piano, face in shadows, candles melting into black wax
She turns – it is JAMES’S FACE (or Marigold’s, and tongues slither from her mouth) – the walls lean in…
Horror Situation (see another killed/environment changes): The HOUSE leans in – JAMES IS the house
Reaction Escape): Hannah flees for her life!
CHAR 4 DEATH: BILLY
Why: Monster made decision – Billy was a threat; James smelled weakness and pounced
How: BLINDSIDED (we don’t see this? Hear his screech?)
CHAR 5 DEATH: TIBBS
Why: Bad decision
How: Charge blindly into action
Tibbs hurls himself into darkness surrounding town, hearing girlfriend’s cry for help

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Horror Situation Track

What I learned doing this assignment… how fun it is to just come up with random ideas, that end up answering big holes I knew I had (like, what IS this monster like, exactly?)

LESSON 5: HORROR SITUATION TRACK

TITLE/CONCEPT: SHADOWS/Hannah is murdered by a deranged killer the night of her senior prom, and wakes to find herself in a shadowy version of her small hometown, populated by the dozen or so inhabitants that died on the same day – including her killer, who is out to finish the job and destroy her soul forever, before she can be spun out into a new life.
ACT 1: SET-UP
ATMOSPHERE OF EVIL ESTABLISHED:
JAMES (Monster) strangles high school girl with guitar string. Bites off her tongue
Horror Situation (Lured into Danger): EMILY, at prom, encounters guitarist in hallway, strumming acoustic – flirty conversation
Reaction (Denial): Emily flattered, flirts
Horror Situation (Menacing Stranger): Heading to bathroom, Emily on separate floor – guitarist is there – follows her
Reaction (Run/Hide): Emily walks around corner, then runs into bathroom (classroom?)
Horror Situation (Impending Doom): Emily hiding under desk, sees clacking boots – guitar string plucked with a BOING
Reaction (hide): Emily tries to hold her breath…
Horror Situation (attacked/tormented physically): James finds her, strangles her – bites off her tongue
Reaction (fights): Emily dies
James is seen walking into Hannah’s town (need name)
CONNECT W/CHARACTERS:
“Day in the life of Hannah” – set up key relationships for her:
BREAKFAST W/DAD: distance, and blame? Hannah’s little brother died while she was babysitting
CHATTING W/ELDERLY NEIGHBORS: MR. & MRS. GRAVES: Mrs. Graves as wise old woman, urging Hannah to take a risk (Hannah won’t go to prom) – Mr. Graves doesn’t take much seriously, but very kind
HANNAH AT MUSIC STORE (why?): Bumps into stranger (JAMES), who zeroes in on her – OMINOUS
Horror Situation (Menacing Stranger): Hannah bumps into weird guy in music store – we see it’s James; then he picks up the record she was just looking at (something in common?)
Reaction (Denial): Hannah thinks nothing of it – maybe intrigued (too shy to do anything)
Later in day – ambulance outside Graves home – Mr. G has died; Mrs. G sees strangely at peace
HANNAH GOES TO PROM ALONE – a mistake, she thinks
WARNED NOT TO DO IT:
Hannah leaves early – warned by teacher about walking alone, but she’s done (don’t know why)
DENIAL OF HORROR:
Hannah walks home fearlessly – does she “help” killer (a la, “Silence of the Lambs”?) – hears guitar music coming from park
Horror Situation (Walking into Trap): Hannah hears favorite acoustic guitar song coming from park (play earlier – on album James picks up in store)
Reaction (Denial): Hannah has to see/talk to him
SAFETY TAKEN AWAY:
Hannah is killed;
Horror Situation (attacked/chased): Hannah chased by James
Reaction (escape): Hannah runs
Horror Situation (attacked): Hannah being strangled; James lifts her to get at her tongue
Reaction (fight): Hannah stabs James in eye with high heel – he dies, drops her head on sharp rock – Hannah bleeds out
HANNAH IN SHADOW TOWNwakes in her own house – no lights, no people, no sound anywhere. Where is this place?
Horror Situation (lost): Hannah in empty house – hallways change?
Reaction (try to solve it): Hannah tries to call for Dad – can’t? (lost voice) Maybe she can only speak in a whisper…
Horror Situation (lost): Hannah makes it outside – her house, and Graves house across street in pale glow – no sun. No moon. Darkness beyond in all directions (or is it empty town
Reaction (Denial): Hannah isn’t home. Where is this? Tries to wake up…
YOUNG BOY (Mr. Graves) skateboards up – knows her, brings her home to Mrs. Graves.
MONSTER: NATURE OF THE BEAST:
Hannah encounters Mrs. Graves, who also died that day – everyone in town who died the same day is here, awaiting rebirth. Hannah killed her killer… so he’s here too!
Horror Situation (Impending Doom): Discovering a) where she is (dead!) and b) HER KILLER IS THERE TOO!
Reaction (Denial/Escape): Hannah won’t believe it – runs back home
What convinces her of reality?
ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN
ISOLATED/TRAPPED/ABDUCTED:
Characters exist in pockets of light around their houses. Can’t escape town.
Horror Situation (Lost): Hannah runs into town, looking for Dad’s office – empty. No life anywhere
Reaction (Try to solve it): Hannah searches for normalcy – can’t find it
Horror Situation (Environment Changes Around You): Hannah tries to get back – the streets change behind her! Her town is a maze now
Reaction (escape): Hannah runs blindly – tries to call out – can’t raise voice above a whisper.
Horror Situation (Can’t scream): Hannah realizes her voice is really gone
Reaction (Hide): Hannah sits on a bench, terrified…
Horror Situation (Mentally tortured): Hannah hears whispers – what are they saying? Where are they coming from?
Reaction (hide): Hannah curls into ball
BILLY (young Mr. G) rides up on skateboard, gets her home (trick is not to look, not to travel, but to know you’re already there. Town keeps changing because it isn’t really here. Those streets reflect your mind. Your panic.
ONE OF US IS KILLED:
“Body” is found, hollowed out. This “man” Hannah killed wasn’t a man at all. A Leech from the “Between”, he exists to devour souls, and Hannah has brought him here.
Horror Situation (See another killed): Hannah sees _______ attacked by James, body drained (how?)
Reaction (escape): Hannah runs back to Graves’s house
MIDPOINT: THE MONSTER IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT!!
ACT 3:
FULL PURSUIT BY THE KILLER:
Killer can manipulate darkness. As other souls are consumed, the town darkens. They are running out of places to hide.
Horror Situation (Friend in Danger/Mentally tortured): Hannah hears brother screaming from inside house
Reaction (fight): Hannah runs inside to save him!
Horror Situation (Environment Changes): Hannah’s house unrecognizable
Reaction (try to solve it): Hannah closes her eyes – tries to imagine it RIGHT; it works!
Horror Situation (Face to Face): Hannah looks out window: James is in middle of street, just waiting; opens mouth – multiple tongues lick out
Reaction (escape): Hannah thinks herself across street – is inside Mrs. Graves house
Horror Situation (Only one who sees monster): Hannah points to James outside; Mrs. Graves doesn’t see him
Reaction (try to solve it): Mrs. Graves – maybe this is your lesson you have to learn… these lessons appear only to those who need them
TERRORIZED:
MR. GRAVES’ soul is devoured. Mrs. Graves – Hannah’s source of wisdom – becomes like a child again (maybe literally; here, souls take the form they see themselves as), and Hannah has to protect HER (2nd chance to be the older sister she never was?)
Horror Situation (Friend in Danger): Horrible screech from outside – skateboard clatters onto lawn
Reaction (fight): Hannah and Eleanor run out to help
Horror Situation (see another killed): Billy’s husk on the street – James drops it to the ground
Horror Situation (Another character loses it): Eleanor collapses in agony – and reverts to little girl
Reaction (fight/protect): Hannah holds little Eleanor – she must protect her now
ACT 4 – FULL OUT HORROR:
FIGHT TO THE DEATH:
Hannah lured into the “Between” – or has to go there, to save Mrs. Graves? Creatures of nightmares inhabit the dark, more SOUND and SHADOW than form
Horror Situation (Helping/attacked): Hannah’s brother walks up – mutilated (how did he die?) – blames Hannah
Reaction (fight): Hannah denies his existence, he’s not here
Horror Situation (monster coming): Brother’s mouth opens – tongues pour out, reaching for Hannah
Reaction (escape): Hannah runs out of town
HYSTERIA:
Killer/Leech traps Hannah and Mrs. Graves in ITS lair in the darkness (which is what?)
Horror Situation (Forced into Danger): Hannah in pitch darkness – whispers surround her – all the voices in her life calling her inadequate (or something)
Reaction (Denial): Hannah tries to shut them out, tries to scream
Horror Situation (Face to Face): James appears – tells Hannah he can end it all, if she’ll just give in
Reaction (escape): Hannah runs back to town – it’s gone – all darkness
THRILLING ESCAPE FROM DEATH:
Hannah somehow kills the Leech – no clue how… She and Mrs. Graves escape back to the town, and Hannah has learned the lesson she needed to learn (taking risks? Seems lame. Need something more profound), and is reborn, along with Mrs. Graves, who had to learn to let go of her “wisdom” mask, something Mr. G had teased her about
Horror Situation (Face to Face)): James’s tongues manifest as Hannah’s dad, brother, Eleanor, Billy (who else?) all telling her to give up, etc
Reaction (fight): Hannah finds her voice, screams, stands up for herself
Hannah is back in Shadow Town. Little Eleanor runs to her, hugs her
DEATH RETURNS TO TAKE ONE OR MORE/RESOLUTION:
Hannah and Mrs. G – new bodies, encounter each other on a playground as 5 year olds (need some distinguishing birth mark or something. Better a line of dialogue). Another boy on the playground… is obviously the Leech, trailing them.
Horror Situation (menacing stranger): another little boy on the playground. His name is James.
Reaction (Denial): Hannah and Eleanor… make friends? Or do they run?

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Horror Track:

What I learned doing this assignment: some of the answers to questions I had, and some questions I identified, that will help move this nascent idea along…

RROR PLOT TRACK

TITLE/CONCEPT: SHADOWS/Hannah is murdered by a deranged killer the night of her senior prom, and wakes to find herself in a shadowy version of her small hometown, populated by the dozen or so inhabitants that died on the same day – including her killer, who is out to finish the job and destroy her soul forever, before she can be spun out into a new life.

ACT 1: SET-UP

ATMOSPHERE OF EVIL ESTABLISHED:
Hannah is killed? ONE way to start right from go – we miss “day in the life”
OR: Killer murders someone else in neighboring town – reveals killer’s face, or a key detail. Then we see him enter Hannah’s town – we know who he is, no one in town does.

CONNECT W/CHARACTERS:
“Day in the life of Hannah” – set up key relationships for her:
DAD: love there, and he feels helpless (mom died)
BROTHER: Hannah feels like she’s failing as big sister..
MR. & MRS. GRAVES: Mrs. Graves as wise old woman, urging Hannah to take a risk (Hannah won’t go to prom) – Mr. Graves doesn’t take much seriously, but very kind
KILLER: Hannah has brief, passing interaction – WE know who he is…
Later in day – ambulance outside Graves home – Mr. G has died; Mrs. G sees strangely at peace

WARNED NOT TO DO IT:
Hannah is warned not to walk home alone?
Hannah is warned NOT to go to prom? Both kinda weak…

DENIAL OF HORROR:
Hannah walks home fearlessly – does she “help” killer (a la, “Silence of the Lambs”?)

SAFETY TAKEN AWAY:
Hannah is killed; wakes in her own house – no lights, no people, no sound anywhere. Where is this place?

MONSTER: NATURE OF THE BEAST:
Hannah encounters Mrs. Graves, who also died that day – everyone in town who died the same day is here, awaiting rebirth. Hannah killed her killer… so he’s here too!

ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN

ISOLATED/TRAPPED/ABDUCTED:
Characters exist in pockets of light around their houses. Can’t escape town.

ONE OF US IS KILLED:
“Body” is found, hollowed out. This “man” Hannah killed wasn’t a man at all. A Leech from the “Between”, he exists to devour souls, and Hannah has brought him here.

MIDPOINT: THE MONSTER IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT!!

ACT 3:

FULL PURSUIT BY THE KILLER:
Killer can manipulate darkness. As other souls are consumed, the town darkens. They are running out of places to hide.

TERRORIZED:
MR. GRAVES’ soul is devoured. Mrs. Graves – Hannah’s source of wisdom – becomes like a child again (maybe literally; here, souls take the form they see themselves as), and Hannah has to protect HER (2nd chance to be the older sister she never was?)

ACT 4 – FULL OUT HORROR:

FIGHT TO THE DEATH:
Hannah lured into the “Between” – or has to go there, to save Mrs. Graves? Creatures of nightmares inhabit the dark, more SOUND and SHADOW than form

HYSTERIA:
Killer/Leech traps Hannah and Mrs. Graves in ITS lair in the darkness (which is what?)

THRILLING ESCAPE FROM DEATH:
Hannah somehow kills the Leech – no clue how… She and Mrs. Graves escape back to the town, and Hannah has learned the lesson she needed to learn (taking risks? Seems lame. Need something more profound), and is reborn, along with Mrs. Graves, who had to learn to let go of her “wisdom” mask, something Mr. G had teased her about

DEATH RETURNS TO TAKE ONE OR MORE/RESOLUTION:
Hannah and Mrs. G – new bodies, encounter each other on a playground as 5 year olds (need some distinguishing birth mark or something. Better a line of dialogue). Another boy on the playground… is obviously the Leech, trailing them.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Survivors and Victims:

What I learned doing this assignment was… to get off my ass and do it – got a few lessons behind, and started panicking, thinking of all the answers I didn’t have yet. And of course I didn’t, because I wasn’t there yet. Some lessons you just keep learning.
SON 3: VICTIM GROUP

TITLE/CONCEPT: SHADOWS/Hannah is murdered by a deranged killer the night of her senior prom, and wakes to find herself in a shadowy version of her small hometown, populated by the dozen or so inhabitants that died on the same day – including her killer, who is out to finish the job and destroy her soul forever, before she can be spun out into a new life.

VICTIM GROUP: “Social Event” – everyone who died in town on the same day wakes in Shadow Town (God that blows); each must confront their “failing” in life, in order to be spun out again into their new life.

DYING PATTERN: The characters experience the terror together, but 1 or 2 die

VICTIMS:
THE LEADER: MRS. GRAVES (ELEANOR) – Hannah’s best friend, from across the street. Mrs. G is an old soul, and now has memory across lifetimes, and of the workings of the Shadow Town (so knows the rules).
REBEL/RULE BREAKER: MR GRAVES (BILLY) – who appears in Shadow Town as a young, carefree boy, representing the state of his soul – ironically, closer to “moving on” than his wife, who is still “attached” to her “wise old woman” role. Mr. Graves (Billy?) seems to ignore the mood of the town/refuses to take seriously the lessons needed to return – pokes fun at his wife often.
NOTE: THESE TWO MAY ALSO FUNCTION AS “LOVERS”
THE CARRIER/THE INNOCENT: HANNAH herself, who inadvertently brought the killer here, simply by fighting back and killing him/it in the real world. Hannah is a NEW SOUL – has lived only the one life – as a result, perhaps has more power here than others? (Hannah never took any risks. OR, maybe she never believed in her OWN POWER/WORTH…ooooo)
LONER: PETER – the old town janitor. Bitter, ignored by society. Peter never took the risk of connecting with others (or, perhaps, never got over loss of wife?)
OUT OF CONTROL/OBNOXIOUS: Eddie Vans – drug overdose. Thinks he’s still tripping, maybe? (Comic role? May not fit vibe) Appreciates nothing in the real world.
SACRIFICIAL LAMB: IZZY – 10 year old, abused child. Trusts no one.
RESCUER: JOHN TAFT – young cop, died in a fire across town. Tries to play hero.
COMPLAINER: FREDERICK PLISS – high school teacher, felt he wasted his life, wanted to be an artist. Doesn’t know his own worth either.
RED HERRING: THE VAGRANT – died under a bridge. Mistaken for killer somehow. Maybe a voyeur (never participated in life)
MORAL ONE: REVEREND JONES – convinced he knows the one true way to salvation – this place destroys his faith (why is he here?)

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s TERRIFYING MONSTER

What I learned doing this assignment is … how exploring ONE thing (my monster) can make ideas for other aspects of my story pop up (some great ideas for my Protagonist). Also, a reminder to “write shit” – something I am always surprised by; by taking all expectations away, and writing down things that I know PROBABLY don’t make sense, or are CLICHE, or “LAME” – a few good to great ideas just sneak in there!

WHO IS MY MONSTER?
A serial killer who murders the heroine – teenage Hannah – in the opening scene(s) – but is killed by her as well. It turns out to be a Leech – a Soul-Eating Monster now seeking revenge on Hannah’s soul while she waits in the “Shadow World” to be reborn.

MY MONSTER’S TERROR

HOW DOES IT TERRORIZE?
It is in relentless pursuit of Hannah’s soul, seeking revenge for Hannah killing it on Earth.

HOW DOES THE MONSTER PURSUE?
In the Shadow World, the Leech has no fixed form, but oozes from shadow to shadow. It lures souls in by invading their mind, tormenting them with visions of things they feared most in life.

HOW DOES THE MONSTER ISOLATE?
The Leech can manipulate the Darkness outside the Shadow Town, cutting off Hannah from others in the Town (cannot pass into true Darkness without dealing with the creatures that live there.
Also, can trap people in their mind, confronting their worst fears.

WHAT IS THE TERRIBLE THING THEY DO?
Devours the souls of those waiting, leaving behind an empty husk, destroying their essence for all time (“Death for the Dead”)
Perhaps, turns the husk into a creature of the Darkness (maybe that is what the Creatures of the Darkness are? Souls that have been abandoned/destroyed, lying in wait to feast on any souls foolish enough to stray from the Town.

HOW DOES THE MONSTER CAUSE DEATH?
It invades the mind of the victim, cornering them in a mental maze (nightmare houses representing their fears); and slithers into all orifices of the physical body, eating the soul from within, shriveling the body – like a grape turning into a raisin in real time (lame image, but will do for now)

MY MONSTER’S MYSTERY
How can Hannah destroy a creature with no life force of its own – only that stolen from victims?
How can Hannah prevent it from re-entering Earth to kill again?
How can Hannah survive long enough to be reborn, before the Leech devours her soul?

MY MONSTER’S FEAR-PROVOKING APPEARANCE
A MASK? Does it disguise itself as a victim it has just devoured – and so could be any of the townsfolk waiting in Shadow Town to be reborn?
GROTESQUE: True form of Leech – a physical, distorted amalgom of all its victims, screaming faces dotting its body? – perhaps we see forms of victims INSIDE the body – hands reaching out, desperate to escape, only to be pulled back inside. Devoured for all eternity.

MY MONSTER’S RULES
Lives in shadow
Controls the Darkness outside the Shadow Town
Can only be seen by one person at a time? (not sure about that)
Attuned to, attracted to, fear, despair
Repulsed by laughter and love? Cannot stand light? (Where does one find light in Shadow Town?)

MY MONSTER’S MYTHOLOGY
Creatures of the Netherworld – usually confined to the Darkness between Oases where souls await rebirth. When an evil soul enters the Darkness (or perhaps an unwitting/naïve soul wanders out), it can take possession of that soul, and enter the cycle of birth/death/rebirth – responsible for countless horrors throughout history (Ted Bundy, Hitler, etc etc).
Does Hannah have a responsibility to stop it? (Off-topic, but: possibly the life-lesson Hannah has to learn before being reborn – was she too afraid to risk anything in life? Shy away from anything scary, unfamiliar? Challenges, friendship, romance? Took refuge in books, worked at animal hospital, friends with old couple – both of whom died that day and are here in Shadow Town with her…)

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Horror Concept and Conventions:

What I learned doing this assignment is…just how much tension and horror can be created with just a few early hints at malevolence, and quick glimpses of spirits watching (all from Hereditary). Also, I need a title!!

LESSON 1: HORROR CONVENTIONS – HEREDITARY

TITLE/CONCEPT: Hereditary/A grieving mother is haunted by her mother’s malevolent spirit, and desperately tries to protect what is left of her family.

TERRORIZE CHARACTERS: Visions of ghost of Leigh (Gramma); Annie’s horrifying nightmares; ants from Charly’s head; Peter sees his own smiling face in reflection; Peter smashes his face into desk; Peter strangled in bed (by Annie? Or by Charly’s ghost?); Annie finds Leigh’s headless corpse in attic; Steve burned to death when Annie tosses drawing pad in fire; Peter chased by Annie’s possessed body, sees all dead people naked in attic.

ISOLATION: Family house isolated in woods; everyone in family isolated from each other – no one trusts anyone else; Annie isolated – sleepwalks, has visions – is anything she sees real?

DEATH: Charly beheaded; Steve set on fire; Annie self-decapitates

MONSTER/VILLAIN: Leigh’s spirit, Charly’s spirit, and Janie, who worship PAIMON, Demon God of Mischief; visible watching from corners of rooms in dark; Charly’s “tongue-clicking” torments Annie and Peter; giving Annie visions no one else sees, to isolate her further.

HIGH TENSION: Annie obsessed with guilt from sleepwalking incident; Peter guilty of Charly’s death; visions of spirits in corners; is any of this real, or just in Annie’s mind?

DEPARTURE FROM REALITY: Evil spirits; demon-worship; possession; Annie crawling the ceiling; Steve bursts into flames

MORAL STATEMENT: You cannot escape your past?

MY SCRIPT

TITLE/CONCEPT: SHADOW TOWN (this stinks)/ A murdered teen finds herself in a shadowy version of her small hometown, populated by the dozen or so inhabitants that died on the same day – including her killer, who is out to finish the job and destroy her soul forever, before she can be spun out into a new life.

TERRORIZE CHARACTERS: Hannah murdered the night of her prom; Hannah waking in empty copy of her own house…wandering empty, darkened streets of her “Shadow Town”; killer destroying souls waiting for rebirth – leaving behind empty, flattened husks. Having to venture into the darkness beyond the town, maybe? The darkness intruding on the town, tightening the “noose”, as the killer uses his power (?) to corner Hannah

ISOLATION: Hannah isolated in shadowy version of her small hometown, locked in perpetual twilight; individuals waiting – some with no idea where they are, what is happening

DEATH: Hannah stabbed to death by murderer; kills her killer with high-heel to the eye; spirit drained in shadow town…

MONSTER/VILLAIN: Hannah’s killer – a soulless creature who feeds on souls of those waiting to be reborn

HIGH TENSION: Hannah trying to hide from killer; trying to evade killer in after-life…

DEPARTURE FROM REALITY: Shadow-town; spirits drained of life; darkness surrounding Shadow-Town filled with monsters? Soulless Killer (need a name)

MORAL STATEMENT: each life we live is an opportunity to learn something, and grow stronger, and one step closer to Nirvana

[Bobby Sacher]

Hey guys, my name is Bobby Sacher.

I’ve written 8 scripts – mostly horror and horror-comedy, though there’s a fantasy and a detective thriller in there.

My goal is to get this concept I’ve had in my head for a while down on paper. It’s the most pure horror idea I’ve had (tend to do more horror-comedy)

About me: I’ve raised three boys, and teach high school English – small wonder, I tend to write about teenagers.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby Sacher

I agree to the terms of this release form

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Depth of Emotion:

What I learned doing this assignment is… I tried the AI portion two ways, first giving LOTS of info (a good paragraph) on each of my characters, to make sure Ai “got it.” And AI spit back my own info, just broken out into separate bits. So I did it again, giving just bare-bones info on each character. Much more helpful!

BINGE-WORTHY & AI – DEPTH OF EMOTION

SAMPLE SHOW: RIVERDALE

HOPE/FEAR:

ARCHIE: A future with Geraldine/getting caught

BETTY: A life with Archie/losing it like Polly

VERONICA: A new life/being dragged back to her old rep?

WANT/NEED:

ARCHIE: to be a musician/to be accepted for who he is

BETTY: to win Archie/to be free (from parents/Polly/expectations)

VERONICA: to have a clean slate/security

BASE NEGATIVE EMOTION/PUBLIC MASK:

ARCHIE: resentment/All-American Boy

BETTY: jealousy/Girl Next Door

VERONICA: humiliation/Don’t-Fuck-With-Me Bad Ass

WEAKNESSES:

ARCHIE: indecision; doubting himself

BETTY: low self-confidence

VERONICA: untrusting;

TRIGGERS:

ARCHIE: feeling cornered

BETTY: being compared to Polly; dismissed

VERONICA: being judged; her past

COPING MECHANISM:

ARCHIE: runs/hides

BETTY: acts out/being the “bad girl”

VERONICA: confronts/attacks/manipulates

MY SHOW: BRIGHT YOUNG MINDS

VIOLET DARKE:

HOPE/FEAR
to be free to make her own choices/being controlled

WANT/NEED
a full ride to Pratt, as a digital artist (to show the world how she sees it)/to be heard, to be seen

BASE NEGATIVE EMOTION/PUBLIC MASK
anger, panic/The Bored Cynic

WEAKNESSES
closed off – fear of being hurt, betrayed again (?)
arrogance keeps her from creating new ideas

TRIGGERS
being dismissed
being pitied

COPING MECHANISM
shuts down, uses intellect to mock, attacks, smokes pot

DAVID MASTERS

HOPE/FEAR
to create a better world/being wrong

WANT/NEED
to find the right leader/to be in control

BASE NEGATIVE EMOTION/PUBLIC MASK
inadequacy/The Man Who Knows

WEAKNESSES
paranoid, can’t trust
cannot be wrong

TRIGGERS
challenging his ideas; being ignored

COPING MECHANISMS
manipulating, attacking, mocking

SIMON TRU

HOPE/FEAR
to make a better world/being unnecessary

WANT/NEED
to bring the team together/to belong

BASE NEGATIVE EMOTION/PUBLIC MASK
anxiety, inadequacy/The Negotiator

WEAKNESSES
wants to be liked; hates conflict

TRIGGERS
being attacked, losing control

COPING MECHANISM
retreats, shuts down

ARGUS POUND

HOPE/FEAR
to be in charge/losing

WANT/NEED
to dominate the competition/to be acknowledged

BASE NEGATIVE EMOTION/PUBLIC MASK
rage/Royalty

WEAKNESSES
rigid – can’t hear criticism
arrogance

TRIGGERS
losing, being laughed at

COPING MECHANISM
manipulates, isolates, attacks

AI PROMPT AND INPUT:

For each of the [main characters] for this [genre] about this [concept], please brainstorm the [Internal Struggles] of that character that have the fit this TV series well.

Internal Struggles =

A. Situational: Hope / Fear

B. Motivation: Want / Need

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask

D. Weaknesses

E. Triggers

F. Coping Mechanism

Genre =

Concept =

Main characters =

Sure, here are some internal struggles for each of the main characters in the YA Dystopian Thriller based on the concept you provided:

VIOLET DARKE (17):

A. Situational:
Hope – She initially has a fear of her father’s expectations and hopes for her to become a doctor, which goes against her desire to be a digital artist.

B. Motivation: Want – Violet wants to be a digital artist, but her father’s insistence on medical school creates a need to challenge his expectations.

C. Mask: Jadedness / Public Mask – She portrays a jaded and dismissive attitude towards the camp and its ideals as a way to cope with her internal conflicts.

D. Weaknesses – Violet’s weakness could be her cynicism, which might hinder her from fully engaging in the camp’s activities.

E. Triggers – Her internal struggle could be triggered when she encounters the true nature of the camp and the conflict between her own desires and her father’s expectations.

F. Coping Mechanism – Her coping mechanism might involve sarcasm and humor to deflect her real emotions.

DAVID MASTERS (mid-30s):

A. Situational: Fear – He fears that the camp won’t produce the results he desires in terms of challenging the students to confront the world as it truly is.

B. Motivation: Need – David needs to find students who can set aside “fake morality” and make tough choices for his vision of creating survivors.

C. Mask: Tough Exterior / Public Mask – He maintains a tough exterior and acts as an authority figure to hide his deeper fears and motivations.

D. Weaknesses – David’s weaknesses could include underestimating the emotional complexity and resilience of the students, especially Violet.

E. Triggers – His internal struggles might be triggered when he faces resistance or unexpected challenges from the students.

F. Coping Mechanism – He might cope with his own fears and doubts by exerting control and authority over the camp.

SIMON TRU (17):

A. Situational: Fear – Simon fears that expressing his feelings for Violet might disrupt the harmony of the group.

B. Motivation: Want – He wants to help the group succeed in their goals and be there for Violet, but he needs to confront his own feelings.

C. Mask: Compassion / Public Mask – Simon presents himself as a compassionate and unifying figure within the group, concealing his personal struggles.

D. Weaknesses – His weakness could be his inability to communicate his romantic feelings for Violet due to his fear of rejection.

E. Triggers – His internal struggle may be triggered when he witnesses Violet’s resistance and Argus’s amoral actions.

F. Coping Mechanism – He might cope with his internal turmoil by focusing on being a supportive friend and mediator within the group.

ARGUS POUND (17):

A. Situational: Fear – Argus may fear failure and the consequences of his amoral actions.

B. Motivation: Want – He wants to succeed at any cost, but deep down, he might have a need for validation or acceptance.

C. Mask: Ruthlessness / Public Mask – Argus presents a ruthless and morally indifferent facade to hide his own inner insecurities.

D. Weaknesses – His weakness could be his lack of empathy and the inability to understand the emotions of others.

E. Triggers – His internal struggles might be triggered when he faces opposition or consequences for his actions.

F. Coping Mechanism – He may cope by doubling down on his ruthless behavior and aggression when facing challenges.

FEELS LIKE I GAVE TOO MUCH INFO ON CHARACTERS, AND CHAT JUST SPIT BACK WHAT I PUT IN. SO I CUT WAY BACK ON INFO GIVEN. AND…

VIOLET DARKE (17):

A. Situational: Hope/Fear

Hope: Violet hopes to find genuine connections and purpose at the think tank, despite her jaded outlook on life.

Fear: She fears that the so-called “utopian society” is a farce and that her involvement will lead to dire consequences.

B. Motivation: Want/Need

Want: She initially wants to experience something different during the summer and possibly prove her intellectual prowess.

Need: As the story progresses, she realizes she needs to uncover the truth behind the think tank’s real intentions and protect herself and her friends.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask

Base Negative Emotion: Violet’s base negative emotion is cynicism and skepticism.

Public Mask: She puts on a facade of indifference and nonchalance, masking her true feelings and vulnerabilities.

D. Weaknesses

Violet’s weaknesses include her difficulty in trusting others and her tendency to isolate herself due to her cynicism.

She also struggles with self-doubt and a fear of being vulnerable.

E. Triggers

Her triggers include discovering the true nature of the think tank and the endangerment of her friends.

Violet is triggered by any form of deception or manipulation.

F. Coping Mechanism

Her coping mechanism is often humor and sarcasm, using it as a defense mechanism to shield herself from emotional pain.

DAVID MASTERS (mid-30s):

A. Situational: Hope/Fear

Hope: David hopes to identify future leaders among the students to carry out his plan for the new society.

Fear: He fears that his ulterior motives may be exposed, leading to resistance and rebellion among the students.

B. Motivation: Want/Need

Want: He wants to create a new society based on his vision, with him in a position of power.

Need: His need is to ensure that his dark agenda remains hidden and that he maintains control over the students.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask

Base Negative Emotion: David’s base negative emotion is ruthlessness.

Public Mask: He presents himself as a caring and responsible counselor to gain the trust of the students and manipulate them.

D. Weaknesses

David’s weaknesses include his desire for power at any cost and his inability to empathize with the students.

He is also paranoid about his true intentions being revealed.

E. Triggers

His triggers include resistance from the students and any threat to his authority within the camp.

David is triggered by the potential loss of control.

F. Coping Mechanism

His coping mechanism is manipulation and deceit. He uses these tactics to maintain control and further his own agenda.

SIMON TRU (17):

A. Situational: Hope/Fear

Hope: Simon hopes to unite the students and create a genuine utopian society.

Fear: He fears the division and power struggles among the students that could lead to the failure of their ideals.

B. Motivation: Want/Need

Want: Simon wants to guide the group toward harmony and peace.

Need: He needs to prove to himself that unity and compassion can prevail over chaos.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask

Base Negative Emotion: Simon’s base negative emotion is anxiety.

Public Mask: He hides his anxiety behind a calm and composed demeanor, acting as a peacemaker.

D. Weaknesses

Simon’s weaknesses include a fear of confrontation and his overwhelming sense of responsibility for the group’s success.

He struggles with self-doubt and insecurity.

E. Triggers

His triggers include conflicts among the students and any threat to the unity he’s trying to foster.

Simon is triggered by the prospect of failure.

F. Coping Mechanism

His coping mechanism is to mediate and find compromises in conflicts, attempting to maintain peace within the group.

ARGUS POUND (17):

A. Situational: Hope/Fear

Hope: Argus hopes to achieve success and power at any cost.

Fear: He fears being outsmarted or losing his position of dominance within the group.

B. Motivation: Want/Need

Want: He wants to prove his superiority and intelligence over others.

Need: His need is to avoid any form of vulnerability, as he views it as a weakness.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask

Base Negative Emotion: Argus’s base negative emotion is sociopathic indifference.

Public Mask: He hides his lack of empathy behind a charismatic and confident exterior.

D. Weaknesses

Argus’s weaknesses include his inability to form genuine connections or feel compassion.

He struggles with isolation and paranoia.

E. Triggers

His triggers include any challenges to his authority or threats to his status within the group.

Argus is triggered by the prospect of being outwitted.

F. Coping Mechanism

His coping mechanism is manipulation and ruthlessness, using these tactics to maintain his dominant position in the group.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Layers of Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment is that I’ll want these layers for a number of characters – Violet’s team will need these for each of the members, as we’ll spend lots of time with them. Unfortunately, ChatGPT let me down on this one – very vague, to the point of saying things like: “SECRET IDENTITY: Violet may have a secret identity….”??? Oh well. Pretty happy with what I came up with, so I’m good.

TITLE: RIVERDALE

GENRE: Teen Drama

HIDDEN AGENDAS

ARCHIE: studying music w/Ms. Grundy and w/Pussycats; keeping relationship w/Ms. Grundy secret

BETTY: getting back at boys who sexually shamed Polly and Veronica; uncovering secrets behind Jason Blossom’s murder, as editor of newspaper

VERONICA: setting up jock who slut shamed her; getting Archie (maybe?)

JUGHEAD: uncovering truth behind Jason Blossom’s murder

COMPETITION

ARCHIE: his father and football coach competing for his loyalty?; possible future competition with Pussycats

BETTY: competition w/Veronica for Archie

VERONICA: competition w/Cheryl for popularity; competition with Betty for Archie

JUGHEAD: competition w/jocks for Archie’s friendship

CONSPIRACIES

ARCHIE: w/Ms. Grundy; w/Jughead (about Grundy)

BETTY: w/Veronica and girls against football players; w/Jughead to uncover truth about Jason

VERONICA: w/Betty to get revenge on football players; w/Betty (never let a boy come between us)

JUGHEAD: w/Betty to uncover truth behind murder; w/Archie re: Grundy

SECRETS

ARCHIE: affair w/Grundy; they heard gunshot on July 4^th; wants to do music (only secret at first); likes Veronica?; what happened w/Jughead?

BETTY: murder investigation; what happened with Polly; why she hates her mom so much

VERONICA: family history; her personal history as Queen Bitch in NYC; feelings for Archie

JUGHEAD: past w/Archie; murder investigation; keeping Archie’s secret

DECEPTION

ARCHIE: lying about affair; sneaking out at night while grounded; the gunshot

BETTY: keeping Archie/Veronica friendships secret from Mom; deceiving jock to humiliate him

VERONICA: is she lying about her past?

WOUND

ARCHIE: his Mom’s death? ; fight w/Jug; hurting Betty

BETTY: sister Polly’s breakdown

VERONICA: father’s crimes; her own past reputation

SECRET IDENTITY

ARCHIE: teacher’s lover

BETTY: “Polly” stand-in?

VERONICA: Uber-bitch (if necessary)

JUGHEAD: “Chronicler of Riverdale”

MY SHOW…

TITLE: BRIGHT YOUNG MINDS

GENRE: YA Dystopia

VIOLET DARKE

ROLE: Protagonist (the “fly in the ointment”)

HIDDEN AGENDA:

to sabotage herself at camp (why fight to pay for dad to send her to med school when she doesn’t want it)

to sabotage team (see above)

to sabotage David and his “camp mission” – there is no such thing as a Utopia

to defeat the counselors – (later in show); realizing what’s really going on and trying to stop it

COMPETITION:

Against other groups (“pods”?) competing to survive the camp

With female pod-mate for Simon’s affections

CONSPIRACIES:

w/Simon to uncover truth of this camp

w/David against her father (she’ll be 18, the money will go to HER)

maybe w/other group, to sabotage her own?

w/honest counselor who also suspects something? (may be hard to swallow)

SECRETS:

she’s the reason her parents split? Her mom committed suicide?

Older/younger sister died (why? Suicide?)

w/Simon over discovery (dead bodies of kids who were “cut”)

planning to defy her dad

DECEPTION:

Lying to teammates

Lying to Simon – she likes him

Lying to her father

Lying to David about mission to uncover the truth of the camp

WOUND:

Mother’s death (is she responsible?)

Sister’s suicide (see above)

SECRET IDENTITY:

Fly in the ointment (first on her team)

Leader of rebellion

NAME: DAVID MASTERS

ROLE: Antagonist (“cult leader” of camp)

HIDDEN AGENDA:

Searching/selecting students to survive the coming apocalypse

Planning an actual Utopia

Secretly looking for kids strong enough/moral enough to one day take down “Sir” (he’s a double-agent)

COMPETITION:

With leaders of other camps across nation (who is showing promise? What future leaders are they producing?)

CONSPIRACIES:

w/other counselors, covering up murdered kids

w/Sir about plan for new world order

w/female counselor, who’s also against this

SECRETS

Abusive father (maybe “Sir” IS his father?)

Affair with female counselor

Sees Violet as potential savior

DECEPTION:

Lying to parents/kids about camp goals

Lying to kids about fake “attack”

Lying to Sir about his own sabotage

Lying to counselors about his treachery

WOUND:

Father cannot be pleased no matter what

Mother committed suicide (this feels sloppy/cliché)

SECRET IDENTITY:

Working for The Order to create future Utopia

Double Agent, working to find resistance leaders to work against The Order

NAME: SIMON TRU

ROLE: love interest/moral compass

HIDDEN AGENDA:

He’s in love w/Violet

Wants to work on AGI in college (to “help evolution along”)

COMPETITION:

Any good-looking, brilliant boy Violet could fall for

With his teammates, against other teams

With David for Violet’s moral position (he’s against David’s “take no prisoners” view of humanity)

CONSPIRACIES:

w/Violet against counselors

w/tech against David

SECRETS:

Parents divorced – he’s seen what fighting does

He loves Violet (virgin? Cliché…)

DECEPTION:

Lying to David and counselors once he and Violet discover what’s happening

Lying to Violet about his attraction – instinctively sets himself up as “best friend”/safety net

Lying to himself – so busy playing “devil’s advocate” with ideas in group, he buries his own POV

WOUND:

Left to figure out the world all on his own

Humiliated himself with last girlfriend

SECRET IDENTITY:

????

Character Name: Violet Dark

Role: Protagonist, 17, jaded and bitter genius.

A. Hidden agendas: Violet might have a hidden agenda to find out more about her father’s past or financial situation, which pushed her to attend the camp.

B. Competition: She competes fiercely to secure her spot in the think tank and scholarship to ensure her future.

C. Conspiracies: Violet may uncover conspiracies surrounding the true purpose of the camp and the counselors’ intentions.

D. Secrets: She holds the secret of why she’s so determined to secure a scholarship and her emotional scars from a challenging upbringing.

E. Deception: Violet may use deception to gain an advantage in the competition or to protect her true feelings and motives.

F. Wound: She carries the emotional wound of feeling abandoned and unsupported by her father, which drives her determination.

G. Secret Identity: She could have a hidden identity or past that she’s hiding from her fellow campers, which could come to light during the series.

Character Name: David Masters

Role: 35, Lead Counselor, charismatic, demanding.

A. Hidden agendas: David might have a hidden agenda related to the true purpose of the camp, and he may be working for a larger organization or government.

B. Competition: He competes for the loyalty and trust of the students, trying to assert his authority and control over them.

C. Conspiracies: David could be involved in a larger conspiracy to manipulate and control the students for some nefarious purpose.

D. Secrets: He may hold secrets about the camp’s true goals and the origin of his leadership role.

E. Deception: David could use deception to maintain the illusion of the camp’s utopian goals while secretly working against them.

F. Wound: His past experiences or personal traumas might have shaped his approach to the camp and the students.

G. Secret Identity: David might have a hidden identity or affiliation with a group that opposes the camp’s true intentions.

Character Name: Simon Tru

Role: 17, tech wizard, observer, on Violet’s team.

A. Hidden agendas: Simon may have a hidden agenda related to his true motivations for being at the camp, possibly involving uncovering the camp’s secrets.

B. Competition: He competes to prove his technological skills and intellect within the camp’s team dynamics.

C. Conspiracies: Simon could stumble upon or actively investigate conspiracies related to the camp’s true purpose.

D. Secrets: He may have tech-related secrets or knowledge that becomes crucial to the camp’s unfolding mysteries.

E. Deception: Simon might use deception to gather information or protect Violet and their team.

F. Wound: His past experiences or a personal wound might make him particularly sensitive to the camp’s unsettling atmosphere.

G. Secret Identity: Simon might have an online or hacker persona that he hides from the camp’s authorities.

Character Name: Argus Pound

Role: 17, arrogant and domineering leader of his student group.

A. Hidden agendas: Argus could have a hidden agenda related to securing the scholarship money, which may involve unethical means.

B. Competition: He competes fiercely to prove his leadership and secure his team’s victory, even at the expense of others.

C. Conspiracies: Argus might become embroiled in a conspiracy to maintain his dominance over the camp’s students.

D. Secrets: He holds secrets about his past and the lengths he’s willing to go to achieve his goals.

E. Deception: Argus might use deception and manipulation to maintain his image and control over his team.

F. Wound: His arrogance and ruthlessness may stem from past experiences or insecurities.

G. Secret Identity: He could have a hidden online identity or affiliations that come to light during the series.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Engaging Characters – MY SHOW

What I learned doing this assignment: I found with this exercise, ironically, that when I gave TOO much information about my characters, ChatGPT had nothing new to add. It just gave me back my own character profile, broken down into parts (ROLE/EXPERTISE/INTRIGUE, etc). When I pared down my character descriptions to the basics (Ex: Violet: 17, jaded and bitter genius), it gave me more original ideas. Most of them didn’t help, but that’s okay. They gave me different ideas to consider, which is the point. (helped the most with ARGUS, a character I hadn’t fleshed out myself at all).

MY WORK:

TITLE: BRIGHT YOUNG MINDS

GENRE: YA Dystopian Thriller

CHARACTER: Violet Darke (Protagonist)

ROLE IN THE SHOW: high school jaded genius, who finds everything a joke

UNIQUE PURPOSE/EXPERTISE: The only one who doesn’t seem the point of this camp – just going to give Daddy money to send her to med school, which she doesn’t want. Violet’s attitude that “Utopia” doesn’t exist, ironically, makes her clear-eyed and dismissive of typical “high school honors thinking” – which is EXACTLY what David is looking for.

Purpose: to find a way out of her house, to Pratt to study art

Expertise: seeing through bullshit “school-ese” conversation

INTRIGUE: Why is Violet so angry about this? Does she have feelings for Simon? And why does Violet get the sense that there’s more to this place than there should be – like, this place is waay high-tech. And they’re getting EVERYONE into ANY college they want? Don’t the colleges have a say? Something’s off there…

MORAL ISSUE: Violet blowing off the project could be ruining the chances of the other kids in her group to get into the college of their choice – she’s not the only one with no money and no connections, it seems. She shouldn’t care. But Simon, at least – how much of a bitch can she be? Later in the season, as she and Simon uncover what’s really going on here, what are they willing to do? Kill? Seriously? Is escape enough, though? Like, EVERYONE could die.

UNPREDICTABLE: Violet’s uncaring attitude towards the project means she could do anything at any point, just to fuck with these try-hards and Bettys. She also thinks outside the box, so once Violet DOES engage in a real way, she thinks of things no one else does.

EMPATHETIC: Violet has no say in her future. Her father won’t pay for anything but med school. No one seems to like her – Violet even confesses to Simon it’s easier to be a bitch when everyone hates her anyway. And being like, smarter than the world? Not sexy. Not something to make you popular. When Violet starts falling for Simon, it’s obvious she has no idea what to do about it.

CHARACTER: David Masters (Antagonist)

ROLE IN THE SHOW: Head Counselor of the camp – determines who moves on, who gets the boot.

UNIQUE PURPOSE/EXPERTISE: Purpose is to drive the bullshit high school honors ideas out of these kids, and see who’s able to confront the world as it really is. Who can toss “fake morality” aside and make tough choices. He’s 50 steps ahead of them all, since they don’t realize what he’s really looking for – survivors.

Purpose: to find kids who could build a better world

Expertise: seeing through bullshit “school-ese” conversation; designing challenges to pull out the survivors

INTRIGUE: Why does David confiscate all their cell phones? Is there a hidden agenda here? What’s happening in that closed-off, high-tech back section of the complex? What qualities is David looking for (don’t seem to be the normal qualities that get kids good grades). Why is he so taken with Violet? And why does he like Argus – Violet’s complete opposite in every way?
Who is “Sir”? Why is David so angry after every contact with his boss?

MORAL ISSUE: David is selecting teenagers for execution (what really happens to anyone “kicked out”). The purpose of the camp is to re-build society from the ground up, the “right way” – which means destroying actual society first. David’s having difficulty, especially as he becomes more and more taken with Violet (not sexual – though, maybe?)

UNPREDICTABLE: By design, David’s actions and emotions veer from encouraging to vicious, keeping kids on their toes, seeing who has a tough enough skin to survive. With the life or death stakes, David will do anything to get what he wants. And he has ultimate power here.

EMPATHETIC: We see David forced to take orders he’s not comfortable with. And he can’t share them with anyone – including us. We see David secretly not enjoy kicking some kids out of camp. He’s putting on a façade of ruthlessness, masking his own sympathies.

CHARACTER: Simon (love-interest)

ROLE IN THE SHOW: quiet high school kid with a wisdom beyond his years; brings Violet out of her hard shell

UNIQUE PURPOSE/EXPERTISE: It is impossible not to like Simon. Everyone in the group appreciates his input, and he serves as the glue holding the group together. He sees all sides, and has the unique ability to stop a fight even before it starts. A nature geek and bio wizard – able to identify and suss out the uses of various chemical compounds. Able to make a bomb. Able to spot poison.

Purpose: to get to school, earn enough to free his mom and brothers

Expertise: bio-wizard; people reader

INTRIGUE: What brings Simon here? What’s his family like? Simon gives very little personal information out, even as he coaxes it out of Violet. How does Simon really feel about the situations they’re put in? Why is he so “anti-conflict”? (conflict = progress, Violet says)

MORAL ISSUE: Simon’s “see-all-sides”, “devil’s advocate” attitude is hard to maintain when he comes across behavior that’s just plain wrong. Violet calls him out on his insistence on “Lawful Neutral” bullshit (take a stand, or what are you doing here?)

UNPREDICTABLE: Not knowing Simon’s backstory makes his real feelings a puzzle. What is his motivation? And for someone so insistent on “seeing the other side”, what’s going to make him finally POP OFF (no one goes around so peaceful all the time, unless they got major issues – V).

EMPATHETIC: Simon has so much empathy for everyone, it’s hard not to feel for him, and his growing feelings for Violet. With his insistence on not forcing anyone into any point of view, he ironically never goes for what he wants. He has no clue how to make that final move on Violet. He’s terrified of conflict – turns out his mom has been abused by his father his whole life, and Simon’s main job at home is to stop his dad from attacking his younger brothers. He’s the de facto therapist in his household. HIS wants don’t get met at all, to the point where he’s not sure what he does want.

WHAT CHATGPT GAVE ME (2nd VERSION):

Character Basics for the Main Characters in the YA Dystopian Thriller TV Series:

A. Role in the show:

1. Violet Dark:

o Protagonist and central character

o A brilliant high school student who uncovers the dark truth about the think tank.

2. David Masters:

o Antagonist and leader of the counselors

o Charismatic and demanding leader of the exclusive think tank.

3. Simon Tru:

o Supporting character

o A member of Violet’s team with expertise in biology and a tendency to question authority.

4. Argus Block:

o Supporting character

o A physically imposing and ruthless member of the think tank who challenges Violet.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

1. Violet Dark:

o Expertise in multiple academic fields, particularly mathematics and computer science.

o Her unique purpose is to solve complex problems and find a way to expose the sinister agenda of the camp.

2. David Masters:

o Expertise in psychology and manipulation.

o His unique purpose is to maintain control over the young participants and ensure the success of the think tank’s hidden agenda.

3. Simon Tru:

o Expertise in biology and scientific reasoning.

o His unique purpose is to provide a scientific perspective on the camp’s activities and help Violet uncover the truth.

4. Argus Block:

o Expertise in physical prowess and survival skills.

o His unique purpose is to enforce order within the camp and protect the counselors’ secrets.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

1. Violet Dark:

o Beneath her jaded exterior, Violet is secretly grieving the loss of her family and seeking justice for their deaths. She’s driven by a personal vendetta against the counselors.

2. David Masters:

o David is not just the charismatic leader; he has a hidden agenda to create a new world order that he believes is for the greater good, but it involves significant moral compromises.

3. Simon Tru:

o Simon secretly sympathizes with Violet and suspects the true nature of the camp but fears repercussions if he speaks out.

4. Argus Block:

o Argus has a hidden vulnerability related to a family he left behind and a need for redemption, which makes his ruthlessness more complex.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

1. Violet Dark:

o She is willing to break rules, manipulate others, and potentially use her genius to expose the camp’s secrets, even if it involves endangering her peers.

2. David Masters:

o David justifies morally questionable actions, such as manipulation and deceit, as necessary for the greater good, pushing the boundaries of ethical conduct.

3. Simon Tru:

o Simon grapples with the moral dilemma of whether to support the camp’s mission for personal gain or to stand up against it for the sake of justice.

4. Argus Block:

o Argus crosses moral boundaries by enforcing the counselors’ rules with ruthless methods, but deep down, he questions the camp’s true purpose.

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

1. Violet Dark:

o Violet’s unpredictable actions include hacking into the camp’s security system, forming alliances, and using her intelligence to disrupt the counselors’ plans.

2. David Masters:

o David’s actions can swing from charismatic charm to ruthless authoritarianism, keeping everyone guessing about his true intentions.

3. Simon Tru:

o Simon’s unpredictability lies in his wavering loyalty, as he sometimes supports Violet’s rebellion and other times fears the consequences of going against the camp.

4. Argus Block:

o Argus is unpredictable due to his internal conflict, which can lead to moments of rebellion against the counselors or ruthless enforcement of their agenda.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

1. Violet Dark:

o We care about Violet because she’s a brilliant, jaded, and determined underdog who’s seeking justice and truth while coping with personal loss.

2. David Masters:

o Despite being an antagonist, David’s charisma and conviction make us wonder about the complexity of his character and his motivations.

3. Simon Tru:

o Simon’s internal struggle makes us care about his journey and hope that he chooses the right path, despite his initial alignment with the counselors.

4. Argus Block:

o Argus’s vulnerability and the possibility of redemption make us empathize with his character as he grapples with his actions and loyalties.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Engaging Characters: Example Show

What I learned doing this assignment is I have a hard time with “role in the show”, when ALL the characters are “high school kids.” Think I have it figured out, but struggled with this…

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>TITLE: <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> RIVERDALE

GENRE: Teen Drama

CHARACTER: Archie Andrews (Protagonist)

ROLE IN THE SHOW: high school straight arrow, trying to do the right thing, but desperate to be himself

UNIQUE PURPOSE/EXPERTISE: Archie wants to make music, which isn’t what his dad, or his football teammates, expect of him – but he’s really got talent

INTRIGUE: Archie’s hiding secrets: he had an affair with Ms. Grundy – and they both heard a gunshot on July 4^th, the day Jason Blossom disappeared; also, intrigue about the history with Archie and Jughead (what happened to their friendship?)

MORAL ISSUE: Archie’s in love with a teacher; Archie has info that could help with the murder investigation, but if he tells it, he could get Ms. Grundy fired. He tells, but lies to keep her safe (will this backfire?)

UNPREDICTABLE: Archie’s pulled in different directions – wanting to listen to his father, but determined to pursue his music; wanting to do the right thing, but drawn to Ms. Grundy; wanting to help police, but not get Ms. Grundy in trouble – makes Archie’s decisions unpredictable and dangerous, no matter what

EMPATHETIC: Archie’s heart is in the right place; he doesn’t want to hurt anyone (his best friend Betty is in love with him, but he doesn’t feel the same); if he pursues his passion for music, he needs Ms. Grundy’s help, which is dangerous; he’s hurting his father by lying, not going into the family business.

CHARACTER: Betty Cooper

ROLE IN THE SHOW: girl-next-door, who always does the right thing, and is getting sick of it

UNIQUE PURPOSE/EXPERTISE: In love with her best friend, who doesn’t love her back; Betty’s decided to stop “playing nice”, and fight for what’s right

INTRIGUE: Betty’s sister Polly in a mental institute; she blames her mom (not sure why); Betty pretended to be Polly while getting revenge on the jock who humiliated Veronica (does she have mental issues of her own?)

MORAL ISSUE: When getting back at jock who humiliated Veronica, Betty goes too far, even for Veronica. Will she become what she’s fighting against?

UNPREDICTABLE: Betty’s been pushed too far – hard to say what she’ll do in the future, now that she’s tasted the power of revenge; issues buried with her mom are sure to make her act out in the future; how will her sister Polly’s situation affect her?

EMPATHETIC: Betty’s tried to be the “good girl” her whole life – and has nothing to show for it. She lost her older sister to a mental breakdown (and it may be her mom’s fault); and she is in love with a boy who doesn’t love her back

CHARACTER: Veronica Lodge

ROLE IN THE SHOW: bad seed trying to turn good

UNIQUE PURPOSE/EXPERTISE: Veronica knows the “bad girl” ways to get what she wants, and can anticipate and counter any attack

INTRIGUE: Veronica’s past – what did she do in her old school? What exactly did her father do? Will she be able to avoid falling back into old habits? Will anything happen with her and Archie?

MORAL ISSUE: Can Veronica use the “bad” techniques she’s used in the past for good? Or will that make her turn back into the girl she doesn’t want to be? What does she do about Betty, now that Betty seems to be flirting with bad behavior herself? If she likes Archie, can she pursue that AND be Betty’s best friend?

UNPREDICTABLE: Veronica’s got a lot of anger from the reputation she (rightly) has acquired – and she’s capable of doing all sorts of nasty things to get back at anyone who wrongs her.

EMPATHETIC: Sincerely trying to be a better person, when events seem to want you to be the bitch you used to be. Liking the same boy your best friend is in love with. Stuck with a reputation you can’t escape. A father who is “the devil incarnate.”

[Bobby Sacher]

What I learned doing this assignment: AI’s assistance either a) confirmed my feelings about my lead characters (not a lot changed there), OR gave me brand new ideas, esp for some of my connected characters, and some ideas for the environment, and the way the “games” may unfold. Pretty cool.

ASSIGNMENT 2:

MY SHOW – POST AI VERSION

TITLE: BRIGHT YOUNG MINDS

GENRE: YA Dystopia

CONCEPT: Violet, a jaded high school genius, accepts an invitation to spend the summer at an exclusive think tank, where students who last the whole summer will receive a full-ride scholarship and guaranteed admission to the university of their choice. Then Violet discovers the “utopian society” she and the other kids are creating isn’t hypothetical. It’s meant to “re-boot” society, after the “counselors” of the camp destroy the current one.

SUB-WORLD(S):

THE ISOLATION DOMES: Experimental habitats where teens are isolated to simulate post-apocalyptic survival scenarios, pitting each group of 6 or 7 teens against the other groups in battles for survival (each “scenario” results in one group being expelled from the camp, and losing the opportunity for a free college education).

THE AUGMENTED REALITY ARENA: A high-tech battleground where campers engage in intellectual warfare to control the future, as alliances and betrayals unfold

MAIN CHARACTER CIRCLE

Violet: Protagonist
UNIQUE ROLE: As the only student who doesn’t seem excited to be there, Violet is immune to David’s charisma. She also, ironically, instinctively rejects “school appropriate thought”, and ends up as one of David’s favorites.
SECRET or INTRIGUE: Is trying to sabotage her own success to get back and her father, who is insisting she attend medical school (she wants to be an artist).

David Masters: Antagoinst/Red Herring
UNIQUE ROLE: lead counselor at the camp; charismatic and demanding, David immediately disabuses the students of any notion that they are still “in school.” Not interested in “projects” or bullshit. He wants true, unique thought. Dismissive of anything he sees as juvenile or insincere.
SECRET/INTRIGUE: David isn’t playing – these kids (those who survive) will be the germ of the new society that will be berthed after he (and those in charge) kill everyone in the real world.

Simon Tru: love interest
UNIQUE ROLE: tech wizard, more comfortable observing than putting his opinions forward, on Violet’s team, sees the good in her no one else does (including her)
SECRET/INTRIGUE: Simon’s never been accepted anywhere – and not by his parents, to whom he is the “second best” Tru child. Horribly bullied his whole life.

Argus Pound: teen Antagonist
UNIQUE ROLE: a sociopathic teen, brilliant, physically dominant, and without morals. Will do anything to succeed.
SECRET/INTRIGUE: Argus knows what is happening. His father is one of the “

CONNECTED CHARACTER CIRCLE

Counselor Jonas Everhart (THANKS AI!): mid-20s, junior counselor, there as a “liaison” or go-to for the kids if they’re having issues, either personal or with the competition. A sympathetic ear that believes in the mission of the camp (not realizing what’s actually going on)

Gamesmaster Malik Palmer (THANKS AI): 40s, militant. Runs and judges each competition, along with David Masters. Brutal, but fair – drives ALL the kids crazy at times, and Argus gets furious when he feels he’s not getting the advantage he should.

Giselle Ramirez (THANKS AI!): Identifies/sympathizes with Violet early on. Has a hidden agenda: to isolate and demoralize students (who she sees as her “competition”) one by one – survive at all costs. She’s got eyes for Argus as well.

Tiffany Pound (17; Argus’s sister)

Members of Violet’s Team:

Neil Green – feels he’s on a team of “rejects”, and constantly looking for a way out

Sriv Vemari – Indian, all black and white, straight A student (but not as smart as his brother), terrified of making a mistake

Ellie Kay – Asian, determined to win, hates Violet and her negativity

Sir – David’s boss – heard, never seen

ENVIRONMENT CIRCLE

Students, counselors, parents, tech workers, janitor staff?, civilian casualties
Weapons Master (thanks AI); Supply Coordinator (thanks AI)

[Bobby Sacher]

What I learned doing this assignment is… an interesting arrangement of MAIN CHARACTERS in RIVERDALE: ALL PROTAGONISTS – each of whom we’re rooting for, each of whom is causing problems with the other two. I was expecting the Antagonist to have to be one of the MAIN characters – but it feels like she’s just outside the main circle. Hmmm…

ASSIGNMENT 1:

EXAMPLE SHOW: RIVERDALE

MAIN CIRCLE: Archie, Veronica, Betty

CONNECTED CIRCLE: Jughead, Cheryl Blossom, Archie’s dad, Veronica’s Mom, Betty’s Mom, Ms. Grundy. Kevin, Moose, Reggie, Sherriff Keller

ENVIRONMENT CIRCLE: Football players, students, teachers, Principal, police officers, news reporters, coroner, etc

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Bobby Sacher.

[Bobby Sacher]

Riverdale – 5 Star Model

What I learned doing this assignment was the power of having EVERY character’s goals intertwine in ways that create more and more conflict, until every single option for the protagonist seems to create more issues for them.

TITLE: RIVERDALE

GENRE: Teen Drama

BIG PICTURE HOOK

1. Who killed Jason Blossom?

AMAZING & INTRIGUING CHARACTERS

1. ARCHIE: (Protag) – Everyone wants something different from him, and he can’t go for what he wants without hurting someone, or causing trouble. An honest boy trying to do the right thing, forced to keep an awful secret

2. VERONICA: Former “uber-bitch” from her old school, and daughter of indicted “devil incarnate”, on trial for fraud and embezzlement. Veronica is determined to become a better person, and use her “powers” for good – but it looks like she may not be able to escape her past reputation.

3. CHERYL BLOSSOM: (Antag) – Current “uber-bitch”, and Miss Popularity, who may or may not have killed her twin brother.

EMPATHY/DISTRESS

1. ARCHIE was sleeping with his music teacher when they heard a gunshot over the summer – the day Jason Blossom died. And he can’t tell anyone, without destroying Ms. Grundy’s career. His best friend BETTY is in love with him, but he just doesn’t feel the same. Now he may have lost his best friend.

2. VERONICA is genuinely trying to be Betty’s friend, but she’s obviously attracted to Archie – who obviously likes her back. Go with Archie, and she proves to everyone she’s exactly the conniving bitch they all think she is – and she’ll lose her only friend in town.

OPEN LOOPS

1. Who killed Jason Blossom?

2. Will Archie’s affair with Ms. Grundy come out?

3. Will Archie hook up with Veronica (or Ms. Grundy)?

4. Can Archie save his friendship with Betty?

5. Can Archie make his dreams of making music come true, without hurting his father (who wants him to take over the family business), disappointing his football teammates, or falling back into the dangerous affair with Ms. Grundy?

6. What happened between Archie and Jughead?

7. Will Veronica give in to her feelings for Archie? Can she and Betty remain friends?

INVITING OBSESSION

1. How can Archie fulfill his dreams without a) breaking his father’s heart, b) ruining his friendship with Betty, c) having his affair with a teacher exposed, and d) getting caught up/implicated in a murder investigation?

[Bobby Sacher]

Hey guys! My name is Bobby Sacher – glad to be aboard!

I’ve written 8? scripts, and am currently working on creating a TV series with a producer, based on their idea.

I’m hoping to learn how to beef up my TV-writing skills, using AI to speed up and deepen my understanding of each step along the way. (and, you know, come out of here with a kick-ass project to pitch!)

Something unique about me… I teach high school ELA now, after being “informed of the move from 7th grade at the end of last year”, and am currently a few weeks ahead of my kids. Tons of fun there.

I’ve done ProSeries 49 (or 50?); MSC 4 and 15, BingeWorthy, and a number of other SU classes to boot. Can’t wait to get started!

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby Sacher

I agree to the terms of this release form:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Creating Irony: What I learned doing this assignment is… IRONY ROCKS. Essence of great plot twists and “holy shit” moments…

DELIVERING IRONY

MR ROBOT

Elliot feels Mr. Robot is crazy, and is keeping things from him
IRONY: Elliot IS Mr. Robot

Elliot starts the series talking to an “imaginary friend” – acknowledging and worrying about the fact that he is doing it
IRONY: We’re aware that “we” are an imaginary friend of Elliot’s – not realizing that Mr. Robot is imaginary too

Elliot becomes attracted to Darlene – and kisses her!
IRONY: Turns out she is Elliot’s SISTER

Elliot realizes Mr. Robot is his dead father, in his mind only
IRONY: Elliot decides he needs him anyway

Elliot saves discs of all the people he’s hacked
IRONY: The first disc is HIMSELF – Elliot has hacked and deleted his own life, with evidence of his father and sister

Elliot thought (as did we) Mr. Robot pushed him off the bridge, as punishment for “betraying” his father
IRONY: Elliot actually jumped – attempting suicide out of guilt

Elliot hacks Shayla’s drug dealer after he rapes her, in order to protect Shayla, and gets the dealer sent to prison
IRONY: the dealer forces Elliot to break him out of prison – then kills Shayla in retaliation

AMP IRONY

Frank is determined to find Johnny’s killer
IRONY: Johnny was the corrupt one?
OR: Johnny’s killer is the one cop Frank still trusted at the precinct

Frank is mocked for being stuck with a robot partner by other cops
IRONY: As they succeed, he’s mocked for needing a robot to succeed

AMP is determined to solve BILLY’S murder (engineer at GGG); Billy’s girlfriend is terrified – obviously afraid of someone
IRONY: She’s afraid of AMP
IRONY: AMP killed him

Frank’s therapist gets him to confide in her about Johnny and his suspicions
IRONY: She’s working with the corrupt cops?
OR: She knows who killed Johnny and why – she’s been feeding Frank clues all along (she doesn’t have the power to do anything, but Frank does)

Johnny wanted Frank with him that night
IRONY: Johnny was going to kill Frank? (totally random idea)

Maybe: Johnny warned Frank to stay HOME that night
IRONY: Johnny stumbled on robot conspiracy? Johnny was killed to keep AMP roll-out on schedule? Johnny was killed by Miles Malik?

Frank hates robots; he also is at a loss for how to mend fences and connect with daughter Dani
IRONY: AMP ends up breaking the ice – teaching Frank how to be a little more human

[FRANK HATES ROBOTS? WHY?]

Frank and AMP are constantly complaining about each other to Ellie/Ailene
IRONY: They find themselves in front of both therapists, who’ve brought them together for “marriage counseling”

AMP being released from “inhibitor chip” gives him true freedom to make choices
IRONY: Could get him de-commissioned/re-programmed if anyone finds out
IRONY: This freedom is really a means of manipulation
IRONY: Turns out, Ailene did it to “free” the Shadow Program running underneath AMP to kill

AMP begins seeing a teenage girl in the mirror, and hearing her voice in his head – he’s malfunctioning
IRONY: He ISN’T malfunctioning – the voice is that of RACHEL, the teen runaway whose mind was stolen and uploaded as the foundation for AMP’s operating system (his mind)
IRONY: The voice is warning him – AMP thinks it’s warning him about Frank – really it’s warning him about his own Shadow Program

AMP’S loneliness and isolation are strange glitches in his system – not programmed into him
IRONY: These emotions actually come from Rachel – and are what make AMP truly sentient

Ailene “freed” AMP to unleash Shadow Program
IRONY: It also freed RACHEL – the teenage girl whose mind was “uploaded” as the foundation of AMP’s mind – and the secret “weapon” that will help AMP defeat the Shadow Program

MILES MALIK is seeking ultimate power through a robot takeover
IRONY: He ends up unleashing a force he cannot control

DANI turns to CHIEF MAGGIE BOLDEN for advice on dealing with her father’s inability to connect
IRONY: Maggie secretly had an affair with Frank years ago (missing something here)

AMP confesses to Ailene his fears of a Shadow Program running underneath the surface of his mind; Ailene puts in place a “cleansing”, masking it from GGG, assuring AMP they’ll keep it hidden
IRONY: She’s really initiated the “merge” feature, allowing the Shadow Program to merge with AMP, taking over his consciousness bit by bit (turning AMP into the “Shadow”)

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Plot and Character Layers: What I learned doing this assignment is… this really helps to organize what might be the first season arc, and unlock possible character ideas!

PLOT LAYERS – AMP

SURFACE: AMP is a sentient AI Detective, there to help the precinct

LAYER 1: SHIFT IN MEANING: AMP is “alive” – inhibitor chip renders him a slave

LAYER 2: SECRET IDENTITY: AMP has a Shadow Program even he isn’t aware of – a “false bottom” to his personality – AMP starts getting “flashes” of a street corner at night; a computer techie in his apartment at night; meeting with someone….

LAYER 3: MAJOR SCHEME REVEALED: Murder of tech at GGG was committed by a robot!

LAYER 4: THOUGHT STORY WAS ONE THING…: AMP’s hidden program is an assassin, and HE is responsible for the tech’s murder

LAYER 5: MAJOR BETRAYAL: Ailene working with Miles Malik all along

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Big Picture Open Loops: What I learned doing this assignment is… a reminder to just post shit. Was falling behind, and ended up just listing off as many possible loops as I could for my own project – and was surprised by how many came to mind. Don’t have the ANSWERS, of course, but…

INVITING OBSESSION: OPEN LOOPS

MR ROBOT

BIG PICTURE LOOPS

Can Elliot take down Evil Corp?

Is Elliot in touch with reality?

Who is Mr. Robot?

Will Elliot and Angela ever get together?

Will Elliot get caught?

Can Elliot keep his drug problem under control?

EPISODE 9: HOW DO LOOPS MOVE FORWARD?

Can Elliot take down Evil Corp?

Gideon is trying to restore the honeypot on the server; Tyrell Wellick has placed orders to NOT have it restored

Tyrell Wellick is now on Elliot’s side, since Evil Corp fired him.

Is Elliot in touch with reality?

Absolutely not – Elliot’s been in charge the whole time without realizing it, because…

Who is Mr. Robot? – LOOP CLOSED

a) Elliot’s father

b) Elliot’s father is DEAD – Elliot himself has been Mr. Robot all along

Will Elliot and Angela ever get together?

Looking unlikely – Angela says she doesn’t know him any more

Will Elliot get caught?

Coming to a head. Wellick is working with him (we think); race between Gideon restoring HoneyPot and Dark Army enacting the Hack

Can Elliot get his drug problem under control?

The problem lies in Elliot NOT taking his medicine; Darlene left to go fill it – but Elliot left with Wellick…

INVITING OBSESSION: OPEN LOOPS

AMP

5 to 8 BIG PICTURE LOOPS that COULD be in my PILOT

How did Frank’s partner Johnny really die? (GOAL)

Can Frank prove he still has what it takes to be a great detective? (GOAL)

What does Miles Malik really want? (BIG PICTURE GOAL)

Can Frank forgive himself for abandoning Johnny that night? (CONSEQUENCES, INTERNAL DANGER)

What is it that makes us “alive” as humans? Is AMP “alive? (RELATIONSHIPS)

Is there more to AMP than meets the eye? (SOLVING PROBLEMS/ DANGER)

What happened with Frank’s family? (RELATIONSHIP)

Can these two oddball partners find a way to work together? (RELATIONSHIPS)

Can Frank get his drinking under control? (drinking seems cliché – something else?) (INTERNAL DANGER)

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Show Mysteries: What I learned doing this assignment is… this is HARD! Hard time differentiating between “WHAT” and “WHO”, at times not sure what to put for “WHENs”… guess it depends on the mystery. But had me asking GREAT questions, and coming up with some intriguing possibilities! Also realized my MYSTERY 1 for my own show was actually ANOTHER MYSTERY 2 (OVER TIME), since I’ve got two main characters, each of which have a long-term mystery that needs solving. (Gotta hopefully find a way to have both of those end up dove-tailing…)

INVITING OBSESSION: MYSTERY

MR ROBOT

SHOCKING EVENT MYSTERY (EPISODE MYSTERY)

Elliot has a meeting with WhiteRose (Dark Army) – NO ONE GETS THAT

WHO: Who IS White Rose?

WHAT: Will White Rose agree to help them take down Evil Corp?

WHERE: Computer Disc Repair Store

WHEN: Middle of workday – OLLIE forces Elliot to go (MYSTERY – what does Ollie have to do with this?)

WHY: fSociety needs Dark Army to take down Evil Corp

REVEAL: Gideon has been spying on Elliot all along, has placed a honeypot on the server (or whatever) Elliot put on Evil Corp’s server.

SECRET: Elliot has to hack Gideon’s phone; Darlene distracts with warning to AllSafe

(NEW MYSTERY – Gideon’s on to Elliot? How will Elliot avoid getting caught?)

HOW: Elliot given 50 hours to get rid of Honeypot – if he does, Dark Army will act.

OVER TIME MYSTERY – MR. ROBOT HIMSELF

COVER-UP: Mr. Robot is presented as a mysterious guy, who tells Elliot he is the key. No idea WHO he really is, what his motivation is. He doesn’t even have a real name.

SECRET: Who IS he, really? What is Mr. Robot’s relationship to Elliot?

WHO: Mr. Robot – leader of fsociety, trying to create a revolution to change the world

WHAT: Wants to bring down Evil Corp, the biggest conglomerate in the world

HOW: delete all records of all debt everywhere

WHERE: On-line

Missing:

WHEN: fsociety dependent on Dark Army’s cooperation (they have to “take down” China)

WHY: What is Mr. Robot’s connection to Elliot? Why is Elliot “the key”?

REVEALS in EPISODE 8:

Angela and Darlene know each other? How?

Mr. Robot somehow ALLIES with Tyrell Wellick – who “knows his secret”. But Mr. Robot says revealing that secret would hurt BOTH of them.

Darlene is Elliot’s SISTER?? “Did you forget who I am AGAIN?”

Elliot discovers he’s “hacked” himself, just as he hacks everyone else. Puts in blank disc… Mr. Robot is ELLIOT’S FATHER!

NEW MYSTERIES:

WHO: Who is White Rose? Will Elliot ever see her again (she says no)?

WHY: How is Mr. Robot not dead? Is Elliot’s mom as abusive as we’ve always thought she was?

WHAT: What really happened to Elliot’s father? Elliot’s mother? Did Mr. Robot really push Elliot off pier in Episode 2? How much of what we’ve seen was real?

HOW: How does Wellick figure into this?

INVITING OBSESSION: MYSTERY

AMP

MYSTERY 1: AMP – FRANK’S PARTNER

Shocking Event: Frank arrives at precinct after an enforced 3-month absence due to death of his last partner, to discover he must now partner with a “sentient” AI Robot

Secret: What did Frank do to earn this punishment? What exactly IS this robot?

Investigation: Frank and AMP have to work together to solve crimes. Meanwhile, Frank begins a surrepticious investigation of his own into his partner Johnny’s supposed suicide.

WHO: AMP – a new form of Artificial Intelligence – who acts for all the world like a street-wise young black smart-ass cop – and seems to know all about Frank; at least, everything in his police record

HOW: AMP is connected directly to both the Internet, and the NYPD crime database

WHERE: The streets of NYC (or whatever)

WHEN: Frank’s been on admin leave for three months; Johnny died 4 months ago

Missing:

WHY: Why has Genesis created AMP?

WHAT: see WHO

Ultimate Reveal(s):

AMP has TRUE AGENCY – his inhibitor chip (preventing him from harming humans, lying to cops, etc) has been removed by Ailene, his “Robotics Liaison”.

AMP has a hidden Shadow Program even he doesn’t know about, that carries out assassinations while AMP “sleeps” at night

MYSTERY 2 (#1): DEATH OF FRANK’S PARTNER

Cover-up: Johnny hanged himself in his shower while his wife slept (very soundly…) in the bedroom across the hall.

Secret: Johnny told Frank he needed him to come on a covert over-night mission. Can’t do it alone. Frank was too drunk to go. Johnny was on to SOMETHING (corruption in police department?)

REVEALS:

Johnny on to corruption in the precinct?

AMP discovers drug in Johnny’s system that “eliminates” traces of ALL drugs (that’s what it does) – so Johnny was drugged and hanged while unconscious

WHO: Johnny, Frank’s old partner

WHAT: Murdered (supposed suicide)

WHERE: SUPPOSEDLY in his shower

WHEN: 4 months ago (before start of series)

Missing:

WHY: Johnny was on to corruption; Genesis Group involved SOMEHOW

HOW: Poisoned? Then given drug that eliminated ALL traces of ALL drugs in his body (a tell that AMP figures out – NO ONE has “nothing” in their system)

MYSTERY 2: GENESIS GROUP’S GOAL

COVER-UP: AMP is a good guy, there to help the department, and prove AI are “people” too. He’s smart, likable, and a smart-ass. Also lonely, and feels “trapped” by his inhibitor chip. A slave, in a way.

SECRET: AMP and Ailene end up with a secret – she’s uninstalled (or not re-installed) his chip. AMP is now free. Frank ends up having to be in on the secret too.

REVEALS:

AMP’s secret revealed to Frank.

A tech at GGG was killed – by a robot.

AMP has been leaving his pod at night – unbeknownst to AMP himself!

AMP discovers HE may have killed the tech – who was a whistleblower. (new mystery – what did the tech know?)

Ailene and Miles Malik are working together: removing inhibitor chip was necessary to activate the SHADOW ASSASSIN underneath AMP’s programming.

WHO: AMP is a good guy, investigating the murder at GGG.

WHERE: In tech’s apartment?

WHEN: At night, when AMP was “sleeping”

HOW: Shadow Program activated at GGG

Missing:

WHAT: What is Malik’s end-game?

WHY: Why was tech killed?

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Empathy/Distress: What I learned doing this assignment is… I need to beef up my plot points for my second lead, AMP. This is a great way to think about plot twists – how they impact the lead characters

EMPATHY/DISTRESS

MR ROBOT

1. Elliot suffers from crushing loneliness and social anxiety
UNDESERVED MISFORTUNE

2. Elliot works for a company whose biggest client is the company responsible for his father’s death
MORAL DILEMMA

3. Elliot can bring down Evil Corp – but that would take jobs away from his kind boss, his best (only) friend Angela, and everyone else at Allsafe
MORAL DILEMMA

4. Elliot’s drug-dealer girlfriend Shayla was raped by her supplier: if he sends Vera to prison, he’ll lose HIS supply of morphine, and Shayla will lose her “job”
PLOT INTRUDING ON LIFE; MORAL DILEMMA

5. Elliot has to help Vera escape from prison, or he’ll kill Shayla
EXTERNAL CHARACTER CONFLICT; FORCED DECISION THEY’D NEVER MAKE

6. Elliot does everything Vera asks, plays it right – and Shayla’s dead anyway
UNDESERVED MISFORTUNE

7. Elliot is finally honest with his therapist – telling her how he’s hacked her life, and everyone else’s…
EXTERNAL CHARACTER CONFLICT

MY EMPATHY/DISTRESS

AMP

FRANK

1. Frank’s partner was killed when Frank was too drunk to go with him on stake-out (Frank self-medicating after wife Natalie left him)
EXTERNAL CHARACTER CONFLICT

2. Frank is forced to partner with a robot – laughing stock of the force
UNDESERVED MISFORTUNE

3. Frank is hated by DANI – teenage daughter – “One thing you’ve taught me, Dad: when in doubt, shut it out. Well, I’ve got no doubt about you.” And she slams door in his face.
EXTERNAL CHARACTER CONFLICT

4. Frank’s ex-lover (reason wife left him) is now his police chief
UNDESERVED MISFORTUNE

5. Frank discovers his partner was killed by cops, because he was on to the corruption in the precinct
MORAL DILEMMA

6. Frank has to choose whether to turn AMP in, when he realizes AMP may be the killer
MORAL DILEMMA

AMP

1. AMP is forced to accept an “inhibitor chip” – which makes it impossible for AMP to harm a human, or allow one to be harmed, or lie – basically, removing parts of his free will
UNDESERVED MISFORTUNE

2. AMP is set free by Ailene – going against orders of Genesis
MORAL DILEMMA

3. AMP discovers a robot may have killed an engineer at Genesis
PLOT INTRUDING ON LIFE

4. AMP discovers HE may be the robot who killed the engineer
MORAL DILEMMA

AILENE

1. Sees AMP as sentient – worthy of equal treatment; and has to put in “inhibitor chip” – like a strait-jacket
FORCED DECISION SHE’D NEVER MAKE

2. Seen as a “techie” – not worthy of attention – by cops
EXTERNAL CHARACTER CONFLICTS

3. Chooses NOT to put in new “inhibitor chip” when old one is damaged – betraying Genesis, who pays her salary
MORAL DILEMMA

4. Attacked by AMP’s hidden protocol robot – AMP “wakes up” and saves her; now she has to go into hiding, or turn AMP in
PLOT INTRUDING ON LIFE; MORAL DILEMMA; UNDESERVED MISFORTUNE

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Relationship Maps: What I learned doing this assignment was… doing separate maps for lead characters allows me to see a relationship from BOTH perspectives, which gives all sorts of insight into motivations for the other characters in my center circle. GREAT TOOL.

TV Relationship Map – Mr. Robot

ELLIOT relationships:

Elliot/Mr. Robot

Surface: Protoge/Mentor

Common Ground: Both want to bring down Evil Corp;
both hackers

Conflict: Elliot doesn’t want to hurt people; Mr. Robot doesn’t care

History: Mr. Robot recruited Elliot –he’s key to it all

Subtext: Moral battle: do ends justify means?
Father/son dynamic

Relationship Arc: From mentor to…

Elliot/Angela

Surface: Best Friends

Common Ground: Both had parent killed by Evil Corp

Conflict: Angela’s poor men choices; Elliot full of secrets

History: Met when parents got sick; Elliot’s only real friend

Subtext: Elliot in love with her; sees himself as her protector

Relationship Arc: From best friends to…

Elliot/Tyrell Wellick

Surface: David/Goliath

Common Ground: Both tech geeks; little patience for idiots

Conflict: Wellick wants Elliot to work for Evil Corp./Elliot trying to bring him down

History: Wellick offers Elliot job – seems to know what he’s up to

Subtext: Adversaries/two sides of same coin

Relationship Arc: From adversaries to…

MY TV Relationship Map – AMP

FRANK RELATIONSHIPS

FRANK/AMP

Surface: Partners

Common Ground: Both hate authority; both forced into relationship; both love puzzles?

Conflict: Frank sees AMP as a machine; AMP disappointed (Frank not cop he was)

History: Forced partners

Subtext: Competitors/ conspirators

Relationship Arc: From resentful partners to true allies

FRANK/Maggie Boldin

Surface: Boss/Employee

Common Ground: Mutual attraction; both hated authority

Conflict: Maggie now his boss; affair led to breakup of Frank’s marriage

History: One-time lovers; Frank blames her

Subtext: Frank blames Maggie; she reminds him of his failings

Relationship Arc: From Boss/ employee to… regained respect?

FRANK/Dani

Surface: Father/Daughter

Common Ground: Both hate mom; each has no other family

Conflict: Frank abandoned her with mom; Frank consumed with guilt

History: Dani left with mom after divorce – blames Frank; haven’t spoken in years?

Subtext: Dani is symbol of Frank’s failures

Relationship Arc: Estranged to… door slightly ajar

AMP RELATIONSHIPS

AMP/Frank

Surface: Partners

Common Ground: Both hate authority; both forced into relationship; both love puzzles?

Conflict: AMP’s detective skills based in part on what Frank USED to be – AMP breaks rules, Frank lives by them

History: AMP studied Frank; forced partnership

Subtext: AMP wants Frank to accept him – admires who he used to be

Relationship Arc: From forced partners to TRUE partners

AMP/Ailene

Surface: Therapist/Client

Common Ground: Both confused by human illogic; both suspicious of AMP’s makers

Conflict: Ailene in charge of keeping AMP “under control”; when she violates that, AMP holds her future in his hands

History: Ailene helped design AMP – knows him better than anyone

Subtext: Ailene is only one who views AMP as a slave (recognizes him as alive) – both share loneliness

Relationship Arc: From doctor/patient to conspirators

AMP/Miles Malik

Surface: Creator/Creation

Common Ground: Understanding of machine life

Conflict: Miles is AMP’s GOD – one AMP is not thrilled with; Miles has other uses for AMP

History: Miles created AMP

Subtext: AMP is fighting for his freedom; Miles secretly controlling AMP’s underlying programming

Relationship Arc: From God/acolyte to adversaries

AILENE RELATIONSHIPS

AILENE/AMP

Surface: Therapist/Client

Common Ground: Both confused by human illogic; both suspicious of AMP’s makers

Conflict: Ailene sees AMP as her friend; but aware she can’t connect with “real” people

History: Chief designer/ touchstone for AMP – with him since he “woke up”

Subtext: Ailene sees AMP as a son

Relationship Arc: From doctor/patient to conspirators

AILENE/Maggie Boldin

Surface: Client/Consultant

Common Ground: Both working for police (sort of?)

Conflict: Ailene’s loyalty is to AMP – Maggie thinks program is a joke; Maggie sees Ailene as HER employee – Ailene answers to Genesis

History: Ailene the employee Maggie never wanted

Subtext: Maggie represents the world that has always dismissed Ailene; Ailene is everyone who thought they were smarter than Maggie

Relationship Arc: From adversaries to reluctant allies

AILENE/Miles Malik

Surface: Boss/Employee

Common Ground: Both trying to advance AI, and integrate them into society

Conflict: Ailene sees the life in AMP – Miles sees AMP (and everyone else) as tools to be used

History: Miles hired Ailene; Ailene looks up to Miles as her idol

Subtext: Miles is Ailene’s idol; he uses her loyalty to manipulate her

Relationship Arc: From idol to enemy

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Layers of Character Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment: just forcing myself to answer each category for each character generates ideas I hadn’t thought of (and an entirely new character!)

LAYERS OF CHARACTER INTRIGUE

MR ROBOT

ELLIOT

ROLE:

Cyber-security Tech

HIDDEN AGENDA:

Trying to bring down Evil Corp
Destroying people who “deserve it” along the way

COMPETITION:

Any time he’s in a race to hack someone else/prevent them from hacking him

CONSPIRACIES:

fsociety’s plan to destroy Evil Corp

SECRETS:

hiding his morphene addiction from therapist
Hiding his delusions from everyone
Hiding his involvement with fsociety from Gideon, Angela
hiding his “takedowns” of individuals from Angela/Therapist/etc

DECEPTION:

Acting like a loyal AllSafe employee, while trying to bring down their biggest client
Deceiving/lying to therapist

WOUND:

Father’s death at the hands of Evil Corp
Father’s betrayal when Elliot told Mom of his cancer

SECRET IDENTITY:

Hacker

MR. ROBOT

ROLE:

Revolutionary

HIDDEN AGENDA:

Trying to bring down Evil Corp, and bring about biggest revolution/wealth re-distribution in history

COMPETITION:

??

CONSPIRACIES:

fsociety’s plan to destroy Evil Corp

SECRETS:

Why did he choose Elliot?

DECEPTION:

Doles out info to his group/Elliot on a “need to know” basis
Acts like a homeless guy

WOUND:

Father let him down when he got caught by cops/went to jail

SECRET IDENTITY:

Revolutionary

ANGELA

ROLE:

Cyber-security Tech/Elliot’s touchstone and only friend

HIDDEN AGENDA:

???

COMPETITION:

???

CONSPIRACIES:

???

SECRETS:

Her mom and Elliot’s dad BOTH got cancer working for Evil Corp

DECEPTION:

???

WOUND:

The loss of her mom

SECRET IDENTITY:

???

TYRELL WELLICK

ROLE:

Interim CTO at Evil Corp

HIDDEN AGENDA:

Clawing his way to the top

COMPETITION:

Everyone at the company vying for power

CONSPIRACIES:

He and his wife plotting together for power

SECRETS:

Secretly gay?
Planted something in phone of gay collegue

DECEPTION:

Cheating on his wife
Planting chip in phone

WOUND:

Deep-seated rage (why?), self-loathing ?

SECRET IDENTITY:

Sociopath

MY LAYERS OF CHARACTER INTRIGUE

AMP

FRANK

ROLE:

Bitter detective “playing out the string”

HIDDEN AGENDA:

Wants to solve murdered partner’s death (told to go nowhere near it)

COMPETITION:

Against other detectives – wants to prove he’s still the best
Against AMP – doesn’t want to be bested by a fucking robot

CONSPIRACIES:

After finding out AMP’s “inhibitor chip” is gone – keeping AMP’s secret

SECRETS:

Hiding his drinking
AMP’s “agency”
secretly investigating his parther’s death
something about his daughter? (a secret he’s kept FROM his daughter?)

DECEPTION:

Deceiving Chief, Genesis Corp execs, about AMP’s “agency”
Deceiving his daughter, therapist about drinking
Deceiving Chief about his investigation into partner’s death

WOUND:

A failure as a father
A failure as a partner (TWO partners died on his watch)

SECRET IDENTITY:

Alcoholic

AMP

ROLE:

First sentient AI Detective

HIDDEN AGENDA:

Wants to be truly free
SECRET FROM AMP: hidden “assassin program” completing missions during AMP’s “sleep cycle”

COMPETITION:

Against all human detectives – proving he’s not just a computer
Against Frank specifically, who views him as not alive

CONSPIRACIES:

With Ailene (and then Frank), who doesn’t reinstall his “inhibitor chip”

SECRETS:

Hiding his freedom
keeping Frank’s secret, investigating partner’s death
SECRET FROM AMP: Assassin program
SECRET FROM AMP: Rachel, the teen girl whose mind was copied and used as the basis for AMP’s AI Program – bits of her personality seep into AMP’s – the oddities he CAN’T explain

DECEPTION:

Deceiving Chief, other detectives and Genesis Corp execs about his freedom

WOUND:

Viewed as “nothing but a program”
“Inhibitor Chip” a strait-jacket, removing choice from his life
Loneliness – actually not in his programming, but “RACHEL” – the human mind underpinning his brain – is, and her loneliness and isolation seeps in (the one thing AMP can’t explain)

SECRET IDENTITY:

First A.I. Being with true “self-agency”
Assassin Program personality underneath – hidden even from AMP

AILENE

ROLE:

AMP’S “Robotics Liaison” – his therapist, and tech monitoring his progress

HIDDEN AGENDA:

Believes in Robots’ Rights – they are self-aware, therefore, they should have control over their decisions

COMPETITION:

Against other Genesis employees, who want her position

CONSPIRACIES:

With AMP (and then Frank), after she fakes the re-insertion of his “inhibitor chip”

SECRETS:

Raped by boss – uses it for job security; proof to her that humans are NOT superior
AMP has been set free

DECEPTION:

Deceiving all of Genesis Corp about AMP’s progress; has to mess with reports/data to keep his agency secret

WOUND:

Rape – instinctive mistrust of people, and their unknown agendas. Robots are dependable.
Seen as inferior, due to race (black) and gender

SECRET IDENTITY:

ProRobot revolutionary

MILES MALIM

ROLE:

Head of Global Genesis Group’s robotics division

HIDDEN AGENDA:

Overthrow of Western Civilization

COMPETITION:

Against robotics engineers, who think they’re smarter than he is

CONSPIRACIES:

With cult who believes mankind has failed, it’s time has passed; mankind needs to be monitored and controlled
With orphanage corporation, who “donates” unwanted teens, whose brains will be used to build AI Brains

SECRETS:

Into S&M, as a submissive (he is unworthy himself?)
Shadow operation within GGG

DECEPTION:

Deceiving police department about what AMP is
Deceiving AMP himself
Deceiving GGG employees, who believe in what they’re doing

WOUND:

????

SECRET IDENTITY:

Self-Appointed Judge, Jury and Executioner of Humanity
Member of SECRET GLOBAL SOCIETY, made of international members, all of whom will take over their own countries when the “Saturation Point” is reached

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Engaging Characters

What I learned doing this assignment: when done well (Mr. Robot), all of these questions feed back on and reference each other.

ENGAGING CHARACTER MODEL

MR ROBOT

ROLE IN THE SHOW:

ELLIOT: Brilliant cyber-security tech who can “hack” anyone.

UNIQUE PURPOSE/EXPERTISE:

ELLIOT: Plotting to take down Evil Corp – the conglomerate that controls the world – and bring on the greatest revolution in history.

INTRIGUE: WHAT IS SECRET BENEATH THE SURFACE?

ELLIOT: He does what he does and hates who he hates because they were responsible for his father’s death; also, he says he’s protecting his “source code”, and his “perfect maze” – what does this mean?

MORAL ISSUE: WHAT MORAL BOUNDARIES ARE THEY CROSSING?

ELLIOT: With the best of intentions, Elliot finds himself lying to those he cares about most. And if he takes down Evil Corp, it could do serious harm to Angela and Gideon.
Desire to Fit In vs. Desire to Do The Right Thing

UNPREDICTABLE: WHAT MIGHT THEY DO NEXT?

ELLIOT: Will he JOIN “fsociety”? Will he turn them in? Elliot himself can’t make up his mind from one minute to the next. Also, his delusional tendencies make him the ultimate “unreliable narrator.”

EMPATHETIC: WHY DO WE CARE?

ELLIOT: Elliot is painfully, constantly aware of the cruelty of those “in charge,” and desperately wants to help. He also is in a constant battle of “doing the right thing” vs “living a normal life.”

ENGAGING CHARACTER MODEL

AMP

ROLE IN THE SHOW:

FRANK: Defeated detective, caught between desire to “play out the string,” and the need to prove his worth.

AMP: Prototype of the “Robot-Detective” – there to prove he can be an asset.

UNIQUE PURPOSE/EXPERTISE:

FRANK: Only way he can make it to retirement is to partner with a robot, which makes him the laughing stock of the department. Frank is there to “babysit” AMP, and report on how he’s doing/whether he’s worth replicating.

AMP: AMP has instant recall, access to all criminal records/facial recognition/etc. If he “works,” the “Company” plans to roll out “Robot-detectives” to departments around the country.

INTRIGUE: WHAT IS SECRET BENEATH THE SURFACE?

FRANK: He discovers that AMP is truly sentient – and if he tells anyone, AMP would be “killed.” [Need something about his partner’s death – Frank convinced the department is covering something up?]

AMP: AMP is (or BECOMES) fully-sentient, unrestrained by the “inhibitor chip” that prevents him from committing violent acts, etc. He has to fight to prove he is as alive as anyone else, while hiding just how “free” he is.

MORAL ISSUE: WHAT MORAL BOUNDARIES ARE THEY CROSSING?

FRANK: Is keeping AMP’s secret a danger to society? Also, Frank begins to remember how he acted when he was a great detective – breaking protocol all the time.

AMP: Lying for self-preservation, which is counter to his “programming.”

UNPREDICTABLE: WHAT MIGHT THEY DO NEXT?

FRANK: Frank’s loyalty switches from self-preservation to keeping AMP’s secret. He’ll do anything to help AMP stay “himself.”

AMP: Trained by downloading case files from city’s top ten detectives – all of whom broke protocol constantly; so to be a “good cop,” AMP feels he can do whatever it takes.

EMPATHETIC: WHY DO WE CARE?

FRANK: Hated and ridiculed by everyone he works with; estranged from his daughter, with no idea how to make up for being absent her whole life.

AMP: AMP is discriminated against, based on assumptions because of WHAT he is. He’s fighting for his right to exist as an individual with agency.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Character Circles: What I learned doing this assignment is… how essential each character is in MR. ROBOT, as they affect Elliot’s character.

CHARACTER CIRCLES

MR ROBOT

MAIN CHARACTER CIRCLE

ELLIOTT – Protagonist; paranoid, brilliant cyber-security tech

ANGELA – Elliott’s only real friend; possible love interest

MR. ROBOT – unhinged provocateur; offering Elliott revenge, but is he good or bad?

TYRELL WELLICK – CTO at E(vil) Corpo – a bizarre, evil version of Elliott – the “big bad”

CONNECTED CIRCLE

KRISTA – Elliott’s therapist

SHAYLA – Elliott’s drug-dealer

GIDEON – head of Cyber-security company; Elliot’s boss

OLLIE – Angela’s boyfriend, cheating on her

DARLENE – one of Mr. Robot’s crew

ENVIRONMENT CIRCLE

ELLIOTT’S CO-WORKERS at cyber-security firm

MR. ROBOT’S TEAM of revolutionaries

EVIL CORP’S LAWYERS

EVIL CORP’S MUSCLE

NYC CITIZENS

MY CHARACTER CIRCLES

AMP

MAIN CHARACTER CIRCLE

FRANK GRAFT – Protagonist; bitter, self-hating detective, trying to “play out the string” and retire (OR, desperate to prove he still “has what it takes”)

AMP – Streetwise, smart-ass Robot-Detective, forced to partner with Frank – first truly sentient AI Robot

AILENE – AMP’s “Robitics Liaison” – basically AMP’s therapist, monitoring his adjustment/ progress as a detective; Ailene sympathizes with robots more than humans – they judge her based on her brain capacity, not her race and gender.

DANI – Frank’s teenage daughter, eternally disappointed by her father, blames him for divorce. Frank’s only thing worth living for.

CONNECTED CHARACTER CIRCLE

FRANK’S THERAPIST

FRANK’S EX-WIFE

CHIEF/DEPARTMENT HEAD (Jane Lynch-type)

BRADY GATNY – Rival detective

CORONER

FRANK’S FATHER/ONLY FRIEND – retired detective

ENVIRONMENT CIRCLE

DETECTIVES

COMPUTER TECHS AT CORPORATION (Clean Slate, Inc?)

CRIMINALS

SECRETARIES, OFFICE WORKERS AT PRECINCT

STREET LIFE – WITNESSES, VICTIMS, ACCOMPLICES

PROSECUTORS, JUDGES, DEFENSE ATTORNEYS

[Bobby Sacher]

What I learned doing this assignment: how brilliant it can be when all FIVE Star Points fit into each other so seamlessly – and what it really means to have every single scene serving a purpose related to those 5 Star Points.

Doing MR. ROBOT – which is fantastic so far!!

WHAT IS A BINGE-WORTHY SHOW?

MR ROBOT

5 STAR POINTS

1. BIG HOOK: A brilliant but paranoid cyber-security engineer decides to take down E Corp, the biggest conglomerate in the world (and the main client of his firm), to cancel debt for people worldwide – the biggest wealth redistribution in history.

2. INTRIGUING CHARACTER: Elliot desperately wants to save the world for the “innocents” – including his one friend (who he may be in love with). He is brilliant, but also suffers from paranoid delusions, so is in doubt about whether the conspiracy of E Corp is even real.

3. EMPATHY/DISTRESS: Elliot suffers from crushing phobias, social anxiety and loneliness, and does what he does to take down the “bad guys” – like the Company that gave his now-dead father cancer (the only one he could really talk to). And Elliot’s acknowledged susceptibility to delusions makes us doubt everything we see – as he does.

4. OPEN LOOPS:
– Can Elliot bring down E(vil) Corp? How will he reconcile destroying that company
with the damage it may do to people he cares about (Gideon, Angela losing their
jobs)
– Is Elliot in love with Angela? Is there a future for them?
– is Mr. Robot real? Is he a good guy?
– is Elliot imagining all of this??

5. INVITING OBSESSION:
– How can Elliot outwit and escape from E Corp, now that they know who he is?
– Can Elliot maintain his hold on sanity?
– Can Elliot find happiness/escape his crushing loneliness?

UPON SECOND WATCHING, NEW INSIGHTS:

Every SINGLE scene in the Pilot episode deals with or provides insight into AT LEAST one of the 5 Star Points. EVERY SCENE. And KEY SCENES (the inciting incident, the turning point at end of Act 3, and the final cliff-hanger scene) deal with ALL FIVE STAR POINTS AT ONCE.

Technical note: Inciting Incident for the season comes at the HALF-WAY POINT of the episode (30 minutes in).

Also a note about Elliot’s FIRST LINES OF DIALOGUE:
ELLIOT: Hello, friend. “Hello, friend.” That’s lame. Maybe I should give you a name. But that’s a slippery slope. You’re only in my head. We have to remember that. Shit. It’s actually happened, I’m talking to an imaginary person. What I’m about to tell you is top secret – a conspiracy bigger than all of us. There’s a powerful group of people out there that are secretly running the world. I’m talking about the guys no one knows about, the guys that are invisible. The top 1% of the top 1%, the guys that play God without permission. And now I think they’re following me.

This opening monologue ITSELF deals with all five Star Points, which is astounding:
1 – BIG HOOK (the men who play God without permission – and they’re following him)
2 – INTRIGUING CHARACTER (we see Elliot’s paranoia, and his awareness of his own delusions.
3 – EMPATHY/DISTRESS (if Elliot IS being followed by these men, he’s in grave danger. If NOT, his paranoia is out of control)
4 – OPEN LOOPS: (who are these men? What do they want with Elliot, and can he possibly escape? And, are they even real?)
5 – INVITING OBSESSION: (we’ve GOT to know more about who these men are instantly, and what Elliot has done to get on their radar)

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby Sacher

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Bobby Sacher]

Hey All – Bobby Sacher here: have taken MSC 4, and a bunch of other SU classes…

I’ve written 8 scripts

I hope to be able to show the producers I’m currently working with, and am about to sign a deal to develop a TV concept of theirs on spec, that I know what the hell I’m doing! (all my experience thus far is with movie scripts)

Something strange? Um… I have no sense of smell! There’s that. Once fell into the pool outside the Washington Monument (it was college, okay?), that’s unusual. I guess it’s special (sort of) that I teach 7th grade ELA (for now), so I’m always urging kids to not make the writing mistakes I’m constantly trying not to make myself (keeps me honest).

Can’t wait to get started!

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Act I Rough Draft

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Concept: A tortured, aspiring serial killer has to join forces with the bullies that were his intended victims when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from a nearby Civil War graveyard.

HOW IT WENT: Just finished Act I Rough Draft. FAAAAAR from great, but of course that’s the point! Actually surprised when I went to the next scene in my outline, and realized – oh! That’s the end of Act I. I’ll call it a success!

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Lesson 3 First Draft Act I pages

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Concept: A tortured, aspiring serial killer has to join forces with the bullies that were his intended victims when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from a nearby Civil War graveyard.

HOW IT WENT: Going great. Got half of Act I done early this week. Especially fun when I realized I had 15 minutes to write, and challenged myself to just bang out a scene.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s High Speed Writing Rules

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Concept: A tortured, aspiring serial killer has to join forces with the bullies that were his intended victims when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from a nearby Civil War graveyard.

HOW IT WENT: No problems. I’m all for “writing shit” – all sorts of things that need to be fixed here, but who cares. Not the job.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s First Scene:

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Concept: A tortured, aspiring serial killer has to join forces with the bullies that were his intended victims when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from a nearby Civil War graveyard.

HOW IT WENT: Great! Having the shape of each scene laid out made it incredibly easy to write. Even though I hadn’t included dialogue in my outline, just thinking through the shape of it, and what Interest Techniques to use, made it flow very easily. (And, love writing badly!)

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!

What I learned doing this assignment is…. HUGE BREAKTHROUGH. This whole series of lessons: from “one-sentence scene summaries”, to adding emotion, adding intrigue, adding scene requirements, and NOW replacing it all with beginning/middle/end… essentially gets us back to the basic scene summaries – but NOW all that stuff that wasn’t there in the original scene summaries is embedded in the summaries. Just wonderful.

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

STILL MUCH TO DO, and WAY TOO LINEAR – but a start!

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (MISLEAD/TERROR) A teen couple (MOLLY and MATT) are chased by a masked psycho with a machete.

MIDDLE: (BETRAYAL) Molly falls, and Matt leaves her behind.

END: (TWIST!) Matt is stabbed through chest, and (REVEAL) killer reveals his face – it’s Jason! Molly kisses him….

INT. JASON’S ROOM – DAY

BEGINNING: (SURPRISE) Sleeping Jason’s fantasy is shattered as CARL wakes him with a punch to the groin.

MIDDLE: (UNCERTAINTY) Jason’s room is a mess, and he’s missing rent. Carl gives him 3 days. AND he’s late for work.

END: (REVEAL) Jason tries to stand up for himself, then backs down. We realize Carl is Jason’s Dad.

INT. BENNY’S DINER – KITCHEN – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (MORE INTERESTING SETTING) Jason is late to work, and tries to duck in unmarked back door with quiet knock.

MIDDLE: (BETRAYAL) Co-worker opens door – boss is right behind him. Jason’s put on notice: could lose his job.

END: (SURPRISE/SUSPENSE) Jason’s told he’s waiting tables today – they’re short-staffed.

INT. BENNY’S DINER – RESTAURANT – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (MYSTERY) Jason grabs food for Table 12 – freezes when he sees high school jocks and girls – MATT among them.

MIDDLE: (HOPE/FEAR) Jason is taunted as he serves food; Hack pulls his pants down, bringing food crashing to the floor.

END: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Molly leaves bathroom and sees him. Jason runs away half-naked. Boss fires him.

EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (SUSPENSE) Jason sits on his car, devastated; then hides when Matt and friends come out laughing.

MIDDLE: (SUPERIOR POSITION/MISINTERPRETATION) Jason watches Matt and Molly kiss. Then is bitten by a rat, and misses Molly smack Matt – she’s pissed!

END: (INTRIGUE) Jason hears Matt announce plans for trip to cabin in the morning. Looks at the dead rat at his feet.

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (MORE INTERESTING SETTING/SURPRISE) Jason sneaks in through bedroom window. Carl is waiting.

MIDDLE: (INTRIGUE/HOPE) Carl mocks Jason’s whole persona, says mom was right to die and miss what a loser he’s become.

END: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Carl tells Jason to agree; Jason does. Carl reminds him he’s got three days to pay his rent.

INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (INTRIGUE) Jason sees Matt and Molly arguing outside Matt’s car. Hears his own name…

MIDDLE: (BETRAYAL) They make up. Kiss. Matt says “6 AM” and drives off. Molly waves and goes into house next to Jason’s.

END: (MAJOR TWIST) Jason takes in his posters of Jason, Freddy, Michael Myers. Takes machete off wall. END OF ACT I

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (MISLEAD) Jason looks for weapons – choices often plastic (rejected) or goofy (a flail from cosplay, a shield)

MIDDLE: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Jason checks his growing sack – looks at door to hall

END: (INTRIGUE) Jason looks to Matrix poster…

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – CARL’S BEDROOM

BEGINNING: (MORE INTERESTING SETTING) Jason sneaks into room. Carl passed out on bed. Cans litter the floor, like a trap.

MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Halfway there, Jason kicks an empty beer can, making noise. Carl snorts in his sleep, freezing Jason.

END: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Jason takes gun from drawer. Points at Carl – Carl snorts; Jason jerks. Jason leaves with gun.

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD – DAY (INTERCUT MATT AND JASON’S CARS)

BEGINNING: (MAJOR TWIST) Jason follows Matt’s Jeep, crammed with kids. Michael Myers appears, quizzing Jason on plans.

MIDDLE: (MYSTERY/UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) In Matt’s car, whooping from 7 kids crammed inside. Matt tense, Molly pissed. Hack flicks a spider on Molly, Matt lashes out.

END: (SURPRISE) Jason jams breaks, slides off road, when Matt’s car is stopped by flooded road. Michael Myers is gone.

EXT. BRIDGE/WOODS – DAY

BEGINNING: (EXTERNAL DILEMMA) Flood cuts off bridge to cabin. Matt points out blue in water, says military base is “dumping again” – no going in water. They have to go through woods.

MIDDLE: (INTRIGUE/BETRAYAL) Molly slips, slaps Matt’s hand away when he tries to help. Hack talks to Chet, telling him Matt didn’t want the rest of them to come.

END: (SURPRISE/MISLEAD) LUCY screams! She’s staring at an empty grave, dirt mounded around it.

EXT. CIVIL WAR GRAVEYARD – DAY

BEGINNING: (INTRIGUE) The group walks through, seeing graves dug up, with empty, broken coffins. Thieves, Matt says.

MIDDLE: Hack pushes DONNIE into a grave. (SUPERIOR POSITION) At first, no one spots or hears him. They start to leave.

END: Molly hears Donnie. They get him out with branch. (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Donnie looks at Hack, says he slipped.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

BEGINNING: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Jason arrives at graveyard. He slips into same empty grave as Donnie.

MIDDLE: (PANIC) He’s stuck. Walls close in, Jason panics.

END: (EXTERNAL/INTERNAL DILEMMA) Jason finds branch Matt used. Uses it as a ramp to get out. (SUPERIOR POSITION/FEAR) As he leaves, we see dirt on another grave bulge upwards.

EXT. CABIN – DAY

BEGINNING: (INTRIGUE) Group arrives at cabin, and are greeted by Matt’s older sister MAGGIE, and her skeevy boyfriend TOP.

MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Matt had cabin this weekend. She produces beer – hero of the group. Matt not happy.

END: (SUSPENSE) Matt warns her about run-off from military base. She rolls her eyes, and jumps in the lake with Top.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

BEGINNING: (MORE INTERESTING SETTING) Jason hears laughter. Pulls out telescope, and sees flashes of group down below:

MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) [Through scope] Maggie jumps in lake. Guys wrestle. Astrid sips beer. Jason stung by bee.

END: (BETRAYAL) Jason sees Matt and Molly disappear inside. Slaps telescope closed, angry.

EXT. WOODS – DRAIN PIPE – DAY

BEGINNING: (MISINTERPRETATION) Jason sees overgrown trail. FLASHBACK: two young boys and a girl run along that trail. Jason stalks along trail, lugging duffel.

MIDDLE: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Jason arrives at 4 foot high pipe that leads to cabin. He freezes at darkness. Decides to wait.

END: (MYSTERY) He sees “3 M’s Forever” carved in tree. Hacks at the carving with machete. He sticks duffel in pipe.

EXT. WOODS – AFTERNOON

BEGINNING: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Jason eats sandwich out of lunch bag, watching group. TEDDY acts out Diner Scene, pulling ALAN’S pants down. Laughter.

MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Matt comes out, yells at Teddy, asks for Hack. Someone saw him going into the woods. Jason panics.

END: (SURPRISE/FEAR) Sound of animal in pain behind Jason!

EXT. WOODS – AFTERNOON

BEGINNING: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Jason creeps up hill, sees Hack below, taunting a hurt raccoon with a sharp stick.

MIDDLE: (REVEAL) Hack stabs raccoon to death.

END: (SUSPENSE/FEAR) Jason SNAPS a branch – Hack looks up. Jason hides as Hack moves past, bloody stick at his side.

EXT. CABIN – WELL – AFTERNOON

BEGINNING: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Matt finds Molly sitting at edge of well. Apologizes for the weekend.

MIDDLE: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Molly confronts him about Hack – when is he going to leave him behind?

END: (MYSTERY) Matt says he’s responsible for him. Molly says Matt’s scared of him. And she knows why.

EXT. WOODS – DUSK

BEGINNING: (EXTERNAL DILEMMA) Chet pisses in a bush. Jason tries to kill him with machete, but chickens out.

MIDDLE: (MAJOR TWIST) Chet sees Jason. Mocks him. Chet’s chest explodes! CIVIL WAR ZOMBIE with gun leaps on Chet.

END: (CLIFFHANGER) Zombie growls at Jason. Hack appears, chops its head off with machete. Points machete at Jason.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (SURPRISE) Group hangs, wonders where Chet and Hack are. Hack bursts in, Jason in tow.

MIDDLE: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Jason says a zombie killed Chet. Everyone laughs at him. Hack says he hasn’t seen Chet.

END: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Matt wants to know what Jason’s doing there. Jason says he was camping. Group mocks him. Molly offers Jason some food. END ACT II

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Chet’s got the weed. Group breaks up to find him. Jason warns them; tells Molly to stay.

MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Matt confronts Jason about why he’s really here. Jason says not to go outside.

END: (SUSPENSE) Matt dismisses him. Goes after the others.

EXT. ROPE BRIDGE/SHED/DOCK – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (SUSPENSE) Alan and Maggie approach shed, Alan calling for Chet, Top wondering what drugs he’s got.

MIDDLE: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Astrid and Lucy at rope bridge crossing lake. Lucy won’t cross. Astrid mocks her, crosses.

END: (CLIFFHANGER) Matt at dock, looks at blue trails in water. Hack comes up behind, and pushes him.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Molly serves Jason a sandwich. Wants the truth about why he’s here.

MIDDLE: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Jason insists he’s telling the truth. Molly shuts down.

END: (INTRIGUE) Jason tries to stop her from leaving, says to lock the doors. Molly says that’s his “thing”, walks out.

EXT. DOCK – NIGHT

Matt shoves Hack back. Hack says he was just joking. A tense stand-off.

EXT. CABIN PORCH – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Jason catches Molly on the porch, insisting they talk. He grabs her arm, angry.

MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Matt arrives, shoves Jason off of Molly. Hack warns Matt to be careful – Jason’s dangerous.

END: (SURPRISE/TWIST) Astrid SCREAMS in the woods.

EXT. PORCH/ROPE BRIDGE – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (MYSTERY) Kids run to porch, asking about scream.

MIDDLE: (SURPRISE) They run to rope bridge, where Lucy sits, pissed – this is Astrid’s way of getting her to cross.

END: (SUPERIOR POSITION) They call Astrid’s cell: it answers, and they hear grunting. A joke with Chet. Group heads inside.

EXT./INT. CABIN – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (MISINTERPRETATION) Group tells Molly Astrid’s fucking with them. Jason gives Molly a look.

MIDDLE: (SUPERIOR POSITION) Group argues what to do. Franky grabs, shrugs, chugs beer.

END: (MAJOR TWIST) Top leaps from couch where he was sleeping, and bites Franky’s neck! Top has blue eyes, blue veins everywhere. Hack smashes his face in with log.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (EXTERNAL DILEMMA) Chaos! Maggie leaps at Hack, calling him a murderer.

MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Hack points to her tattoo, leaking blue. Matt punches Hack. Molly goes to call cops. Hack snaps phone.

END: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Jason hits flood lights, tells them they have to do something about Franky too.

INT. CABIN – PORCH

BEGINNING: (TWIST) Group moves to window – Astrid stands on opposite side of lake. Walks right into it, over her head.

MIDDLE: (REVEAL) Civil War Zombies emerge from woods.

END: (FEAR) Astrid emerges from lake, stumbling towards house. Matt screams to kill the lights – house goes black.

INT. CABIN

BEGINNING: (SUSPENSE) Matt’s voice quiets panic. Flashlights go on. They race to lock doors.

MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Group looks out windows: pitch black. Nothing to see. Windows EVERYWHERE.

END: (EXTERNAL DILEMMA) Maggie moans, swaying on her feet. Franky collapses from blood loss.

INT. CABIN

BEGINNING: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Group argues about Maggie and Franky. Hack throws Matt rope: says to tie her or kill her.

MIDDLE: They tie up Maggie, guilty. Molly binds Franky’s wound. Others say he’s a zombie, kill him. Matt ties him up.

END: (CLIFFHANGER) A THUMP on the door. Again. Again.

INT. CABIN – VARIOUS – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (FEAR) They block door with couch. Lucy looks out, says Astrid’s all blue.

MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Matt says they need weapons. Group looks, doesn’t find much (lacrosse sticks, football helmet…)

END: (BETRAYAL) Hack says Jason’s got lots of weapons.

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (INTERESTING SETTING) Group pulls lid off pipe in basement.

MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Matt and Jason stand in pipe, hunched over. Matt tells Alan to yell down pipe if anything happens.

END: (MYSTERY) Matt sees how scared Jason is, and nods. He knows why. Puts a hand on Jason’s back. They move down pipe.

INT. CABIN – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (CHARACTER CHANGES) In basement, Molly looks around – tells group to grab plywood stacked against a wall.

MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) In living room, they block windows with wood, staying quiet. Hack says they should just run for it.

END: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Molly dares Hack to leave. Molly demands to know what happened to Chet. Hack shrugs.

INT. PIPE – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (INTRIGUE) Jason’s flashlight goes out. He starts hyperventilating. Matt sings a kids song, which helps.

MIDDLE: (INTERESTING SETTING) They reminisce, the flashlight lighting one face at a time.

END: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Jason asks why Matt’s an asshole. Matt asks why he’s such a loser. They move on in silence.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Something needs to happen here – scene with Molly and others. Not sure what…. (have Hack untie Franky? Maggie?)

INT. PIPE – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (HOPE/FEAR) Moonlight ahead. Duffel in opening.

MIDDLE: (SUSPENSE) Zombie walks by on watch. They creep forward, grab bag. Start back down.

END: (SURPRISE) SOMETHING goes off in bag (stupid kid song? toy?) Zombie appears. They run down pipe, zombies following.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (HOPE) Matt and Jason stumble into living room.

MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Weapons distributed. Jason mocked again for silly items. Hack pulls gun out of duffel.

END: (REVEAL) Jason’s purpose revealed. Massive fight, Jason tries to apologize, no one gives a shit. Matt stunned.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (SURPRISE/BETRAYAL) Franky pounces on Lucy! Hack cuts Maggie’s bonds. Maggie – now a zombie – leaps for Molly. Jason jumps in front and shoots his gun – no bullets.

MIDDLE: (BETRAYAL) Matt kills Maggie. Turns, and pummels Hack for letting her loose. General chaos.

END: (TERROR) Windows shatter as zombie soldiers fire rifles. Door explodes, Zombie-Astrid stumbles in.

INT. CABIN/2ND FLOOR STAIRWELL – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Jason screams to get upstairs. Grabs Molly and runs, followed by group.

MIDDLE: (PANIC) They slam door. Hurl everything down stairs, blocking door.

END: (TWIST) Hack isn’t there.

INT. CABIN – 2ND FLOOR

BEGINNING: (INTERNAL DILEMMA) Matt says they have to go back for Hack. Molly tells him to wake up – Hack’s a psychopath.

MIDDLE: (UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT) Group turns on Jason – he led them here. Jason confronts his bullies once and for all.

END: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Alan says Jason should get to slap each of them. Jason just walks away, defeated.

INT. CABIN – 2ND FLOOR LIBRARY

BEGINNING: Molly finds Jason. Asks what happened to him.

MIDDLE: (REVEAL) Jason tells Molly about his mom’s death. Molly apologizes – then says he needs to give Matt a break.

END: Jason feels betrayed – walks out.

INT. MATT’S BEDROOM

BEGINNING: Jason comes in, sees Matt fiddling with foosball table. Says he could still beat him.

MIDDLE: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Matt says Hack scares him. Hack came to live with them after his parents killed themselves.

END: (TWIST) Matt thinks HACK killed his parents…

INT. BASEMENT

BEGINNING: (BETRAYAL) Hack opens pipe. Zombies pour in.

MIDDLE: (MAJOR TWIST) Hack watches, hidden. Then grabs the last zombie, forces it to bite him, and rips its head off.

END: (CLIFFHANGER) Hack smiles for the first time, waiting for the change.

INT. CABIN – MATT’S BEDROOM

BEGINNING: Alan interrupts. Has a solid steel bow and arrow.

MIDDLE: Matt reveals that was his prize for finishing 2nd in competition a long time ago. Jason finished first!

END: Jason says this may be a way out.

INT. KITCHEN

BEGINNING: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Basement door opens, and Hack appears, eyes turning blue. Zombies turn to him.

MIDDLE: (DREAD) Hack slides wall panel open. Stairs lead up.

END: (CLIFFHANGER) Hack takes kitchen knife, leads the way up. END ACT III

INT. CABIN – 2ND FLOOR/UPSTAIRS HALL/ATTIC

BEGINNING: (SURPRISE) Zombies flood hall. Group on the run!

MIDDLE: (MORE INTERESTING SETTING) Group flees up ladder to attic. Try to open tiny attic window. It’s stuck. (INTRIGUE) Below, Hack turns and disappears down hallway.

END: (SURPIRSE) Window opens OUT. They escape onto roof.

EXT. ROOF – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (SURPRISE) They stumble onto roof – Hack is already there, having climbed from other side.

MIDDLE: (FEAR) Zombies flood roof. Group in all-out fight.

END: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Jason kills Hack, saving the day.

EXT. ROOF – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (FEAR) Zombies still on ground below. No way off roof. More zombies coming onto roof from Hack’s window.

MIDDLE: (HOPE) Jason shoots fishing wire attached to steel arrow into tree, giving them a way past the lake.

END: (DREAD) Group rappels down wire to other side – Jason is last, and wire snaps, dumping him in the lake.

EXT. LAKE – NIGHT

BEGINNING: (SUSPENSE) Jason frantically swims for shore, zombies near house following after.

MIDDLE: (INTRIGUE) Jason sees motorboat. Uses arrow to punch hole in gas tank.

END: (HOPE) Matt sets gas alight (how?), setting lake (and zombies) on fire.

EXT. ZOMBIE GRAVEYARD

BEGINNING: (SURPRISE) Remaining kids enter Civil War graveyard – are confronted with MORE zombies, on all sides.

MIDDLE: (DREAD) Group stands back to back, facing the end.

END: (TWIST) CONFEDERATE zombies from graveyard downstream attack Union zombies. Kids sneak off in mayhem.

EXT. ROAD – DAWN

BEGINNING: Kids siphon gas from Jason’s upended car. Add to Matt’s stalled car.

MIDDLE: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Matt asks Jason if he wants him there when he talks to his dad.

END: (CHARACTER CHANGES) Jason shrugs – he’s got it.

ENDING IS LAAAAME!

[Bobby Sacher]

Ready to exchange feedback on my script. Details below – PM me if you’re interested.

Bobby

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Log Line: A tormented, aspiring serial killer has to join forces with the bullies who were his intended victims when their cabin is attacked by Civil War zombies.

[Bobby Sacher]

I am NOT done with Lesson 10, but following my self/Hal-imposed deadline, I am ready to exchange feedback with anyone willing to slog through One Act of Beginning/Middle/End, and Three Acts of “Scene Arc/Essence/etc”!

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Log Line: A tormented, aspiring serial killer has to join forces with the bullies who were his intended victims when their cabin is attacked by Civil War zombies.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Scene Requirements:

What I learned doing this assignment is… this really highlights a) scenes that serve no point; b) how to GIVE scenes a point beyond just advancing the plot; c) subtext and through lines for characters

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

A teen couple (MATT and MOLLY) chased by a masked killer. Matt is killed, and the killer takes off his mask – it’s JASON – and kisses Molly.

Scene Arc: The “villain” turns to hero, and gets Molly!

Essence: On the run from a killer, Matt abandons Molly and dies for it, and the “killer” is the hero! VICTORIOUS

Conflict: Can they escape??

Subtext: The killer cares more about Molly than Matt does

Hope/Fear: We hope they escape; fear they’ll get killed

INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jason’s dad (CARL) wakes him up and hits him.

Scene Arc: From kissing the girl, to punched in the nuts and humiliated

Essence: Jason’s dad wakes him with a punch, and he realizes he’s late for work. HIGH-WIRE ACT OF SHAME

Conflict: Surviving a conversation with Carl

Subtext: Jason hates this man more than life… and can’t stand up for himself

Hope/Fear: We hope Jason stands up to Carl; know he won’t

INT. BENNY’S DINER – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Jason is late to work, and mocked by boss.

Scene Arc: Thinks he made it, then boss picks up where Carl left off

Essence: Jason’s always in trouble at work. TRAPPED.

Conflict: Jason against the world; can’t do anything right

Subtext: There’s nowhere safe for Jason

Hope/Fear: We hope Jason has a friend; we fear he’s all alone

INT. BENNY’S DINER – RESTAURANT – NIGHT

Jason serves Table 12 – with Matty and Molly. HACK pulls Jason’s pants down, spilling food everywhere. Jason is fired.

Scene Arc: Jason tries to brazen through; Hack takes bullying up to painful; to getting fired

Essence: Jason’s worst nightmare come true – HUMILIATED

Conflict: Jason tries to avoid the inevitable

Subtext: Matt: this was Jason’s first friend; this is Carl again

Hope/Fear: We hope (again) Jason stands up for himself, or someone comes to his aid…

EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Jason overhears group planning cabin trip the next morning.

Scene Arc: Jason the outcast; taunted by Matt and Molly (they kiss)

Essence: Jason lurks behind car, hearing plans. ALONE

Conflict: Jason truly abandoned by world

Subtext: They left him in third grade – but they won’t leave

Hope/Fear: We hope they get what’s coming to them; doubt it

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Carl sides with bullies. Cowed, Jason agrees.

Scene Arc: The one man who should make it better makes it a thousand times worse

Essence: Jason’s dad wishes he was dead. DEVASTATED

Conflict: Jason beaten down, broken by father

Subtext: Jason’s biggest wound: his mom’s death – turned against him

Hope/Fear: We hope CARL gets what’s coming to him; no hope

INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jason watches Mark drop Molly off; they make out. Jason looks at posters of Freddy & Jason on wall. Decides to take action.

Scene Arc (next two): With lovers in his face AGAIN, Jason stands up!

Essence: Jason decides to live out his fantasy. RIGHTEOUS RAGE

Conflict: Jason vows revenge

Subtext: Jason will make his dream reality; make them hurt

Hope/Fear: We… aren’t sure? We hope Jason changes his mind?

END OF ACT I

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Jason packs weapons in duffel. Takes gun from Carl’s nightstand, and puts on hockey mask.

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD – DAY (INTERCUT MATTY AND JASON’S CARS)

Jason follows Matty’s car. Trapped by overflowing river, Matty and group get out and hike into woods.

Scene Arc: From Jason creeping behind, to Matt and crew stopped by water, and Jason almost getting caught.

Essence: Jason tries to keep up, and not be seen.

Conflict: Jason can’t get caught!

Subtext: Jason’s taken this trip before… (flashes?)

Hope/Fear: We hope Jason doesn’t get caught. We fear they’re going to spot him.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Trails of blue liquid in the water. Matty mentions military base nearby, says they can’t swim in river at cabin.

Scene Arc (group in woods): From complaining about mud, to a little scared of graveyard, to Hack’s danger.

Essence: Something is in the water, and someone’s robbing graves. And Hack is WRONG.

Conflict: Hack will torment anyone.

Subtext: What’s in the water? Why are these graves empty?

Hope/Fear: We hope Matt is right to dismiss the water/graves. We fear there’s more going on.

EXT. CIVIL WAR GRAVEYARD – DAY

Graves have been dug up! Thieves, Matty says. Hack pushes Chet in an empty grave. Matty has to get him out.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

Jason falls into same grave as Chet. Panics – claustrophobia. Finds his own way out.

Scene Arc: Jason desperate to keep up, to having to escape!

Essence: Jason trapped in a grave, has to use brains to get out.

Conflict: Jason battles his claustrophobia

Subtext: This is how Jason ALWAYS feels.

Hope/Fear: We hope Jason gets out/we fear his own phobia will trap him.

EXT. CABIN – DAY

Matt’s older sister MAGGIE, boyfriend TOP are there – They jump in lake despite Matty’s warning.

Scene Arc: From arriving at cabin, to “oh shit, not her.”

Essence: Matt loses control of the group.

Conflict: Matt and Maggie do NOT get along.

Subtext: Maggie always makes fun of Matt being a Momma’s boy and following the “rules”

Hope/Fear: We hope Matt doesn’t do something stupid. We fear Maggie jumping in lake won’t end well.

EXT. WOODS – DRAIN PIPE – DAY

Jason stows duffel in drain pipe. Sees “3 M’s Forever” carved into tree. Hacks at it with machete.

Scene Arc: Jason reliving past, trying to destroy it

Essence: Jason’s rage is re-stoked!

Conflict: Jason dealing with the betrayal of his friends

Subtext: “3 M’s” was last time Jason belonged

Hope/Fear: We hope Jason can mend his friendships; we fear he’s gone off the deep end

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Jason sees Cabin below. Watches “fun” enviously.

Scene Arc (with next 1): From Jason’s assumptions about mean bullies, to much more divided group dynamics

Essence: Jason’s reality isn’t the only one (what SPECIFICALLY do I want to show here)

Conflict:

Subtext:

Hope/Fear:

CABIN SCENES (INTERCUT JASON WATCHING/GROUP INTERACTING)

Jason watches “bullies” interact. We see the real scenes going on (discrepancy between what Jason SEES, and what we HEAR when we’re with the group – don’t know what these scenes are, though…)

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Jason sees Hack kill a raccoon with a sharp stick.

Scene Arc: From Jason psyching himself up, to encountering a REAL sociopath

Essence: Jason isn’t the one everyone should be scared of

Conflict: How will Jason survive an encounter with Hack?

Subtext: This is what makes Hack happy

Hope/Fear: We hope Hack doesn’t see Jason; we fear he will

EXT. HOUSE/WOODS

Matt approaches Molly, who’s in a mood. She doesn’t want Hack there, but Matt says he’s family. Tension.

Scene Arc: From bickering couple, to Matt confessing weakness

Essence: Even Matt is afraid of Hack

Conflict: Matt’s family makes Molly uncomfortable

Subtext: Is this who they were meant to be?

Hope/Fear: We hope Matt stands up for himself (and Jason)/hope Hack doesn’t do something really bad; we fear Hack will find out

EXT. WOODS – DUSK

Jason tries to kill CHET. Can’t. Chet sees Jason, and mocks him, wondering what he’s doing there. Chet killed by Zombie!

Hack kills zombie. Finds Jason’s weapons. Hack takes machete, puts it to Jason’s throat.

Scene Arc: From Jason the Killer, to Jason the loser, to zombies and Hack the Maniac

Essence: The villains just switched;

Conflict: Jason vs morality; Jason realizing he was in way over his head; oh yeah, and zombies!

Subtext: This is what a maniac is

Hope/Fear: We hope Jason DOESN’T kill Chet. We hope he DOES kill Hack; we fear what Hack will do next; and we’re afraid of zombies in the woods

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Hack brings Jason inside. Tells no one about the weapons. Jason tries to escape, they won’t let him. Molly defends Jason, Matty is silent.

A few of group leave to find Chet – he’s hogging the weed. Everyone ignores Jason’s warnings of zombies.

Scene Arc: Jason thrown to the wolves, has to tapdance; to Jason being ignored when he tries to save them

Essence: Jason has a bullseye on his back – no one better see it

Conflict: Jason has to lie to stay alive; Group ignores the truth, and Hack doesn’t care

Subtext: Jason was going to kill them; now he has to save them

Hope/Fear: We hope no one finds out why Jason was there; we fear he’ll ruin his chance with Molly

END OF ACT II

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

Alan/Astrid look for Chet. Cut back and forth with various groups. JUMP SCARES, etc.

Scene Arc (with next two): From irritated teens, to growing sense of dread

Essence: Things are about to get out of control

Conflict: Group ignoring signs in front of their face; Astrid vs Zombies (a loss)

Subtext: Jason was right…

Hope/Fear: We hope they figure it out; we fear someone’s going to die

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Matt probes Jason to see why he really came here. Jason won’t talk. Matt is pissed.

Scene Arc: Two one-time friends alone for first time; Matt thinks Jason did this to himself; Jason feels betrayed

Essence: Can they ever talk to each other for real?

Conflict: Two different versions of history

Subtext: Who’s in the right, here?

Hope/Fear: We hope these two get over their past; we fear Matt will bully Jason again

ASTRID screams in horror.

EXT. CABIN – NIGHT

Group looks for Astrid. Finds one sandal.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Debate on whether Astrid’s fucking with them. Top leaps from couch, now a zombie. Top kills _____.

Jason traps Top in a corner. Matty smashes his skull in with a bowling ball. Big fight with Maggie.

Scene Arc: From still confused, to murder and zombies IN THE HOUSE

Essence: Cozy shack is now a death-room

Conflict: Fight for survival; Matt vs Maggie (he killed her BF, after all)

Subtext: Matt was always the mature one

Hope/Fear: We hope they stay together as a group; we fear they’ll start fighting

INT. CABIN – PORCH

Jason flips on flood lights. Zombies turn towards light. Matty goes to turn off lights: Power goes out!

Scene Arc: From realizing how bad this is; to it just got WORSE; to Jason having the only plan

Essence: Jason takes a risk (step 1 in moral journey)

Conflict: Zombies are coming; Jason risks them finding out

Subtext: Jason’s handing over his weapons; they’re going to find out! HOW do they get them?

Hope/Fear: We hope they find a way to defend themselves; we hope Jason doesn’t pay for taking the risk

INT. CABIN – KITCHEN

Matty and Jason find flashlights. Group searches for weapons, can’t find anything. Jason says he’s got some.

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Matty and Jason go into drain pipe in basement. Jason balks, scared. Matty talks him through it.

Scene Arc (with next four): From terrified loser and judgmental jock, to two friends starting to remember…

Essence: There may be something left to salvage

Conflict: Jason dealing with fear (history with CARL re: claustrophobia); connecting with Matt reminds Jason of what was taken from him BY Matt

Subtext: How do you let go of years of hatred?

Hope/Fear: We hope they find a way to be friends; we fear what will happen when Matt finds out the truth

INT. CABIN – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Argument over whether to defend themselves or make a run for it. Molly suggests they shut up and wait for Matt and Jason. Hack mocks her faith in Jason.

Scene Arc: From leaderless, scared teens, to Molly taking control of the group

Essence: Molly’s got mettle

Conflict: Hack lurks in background; everyone thinks they’ve got the best idea

Subtext: Without Matt, this group is lost?

Hope/Fear: We hope they listen to Molly; we fear Hack may fuck with things (HOW??)

INT. PIPE – NIGHT

Matt and Jason move through underground pipe. Jason attacks Matt’s group. Matty defensive.

EXT. CABIN/WOODS – NIGHT

Jason and Matty get duffel bag. Chased back down tunnel, shove something on top of trap door. That way out is gone.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

They distribute weapons. Hack pulls gun out – Jason’s cover is blown. HUGE fight!

Scene Arc: From Jason the hero, to Jason the murderous freak!

Essence: No one trusts Jason now

Conflict: Jason was there to kill them! Hack enjoys the chaos!

Subtext: So much for “making a connection” now…

Hope/Fear: We hope Jason can mend things with Matt and Molly; we fear there’s no more hope

INT. CABIN – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Maggie moans – blue leaks from her tattoo. Hack grabs flail, and rips Maggie’s head off.

Matt grabs weapon and challenges Hack for killing his sister. Jason and Molly keep them from fighting. Hack turns on Jason…

Scene Arc: From a sister in need; to a sociopath revealed; to the true enemy of the group appearing

Essence: The rules of society are gone

Conflict: Hack plays by jungle rules; Matt and Hack are enemies

Subtext: This is what Hack wanted all along

Hope/Fear: we hope Hack doesn’t kill everyone else; we fear he’s going to make things worse; also, we hope no one else is infected…

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Zombies break in. Group runs upstairs. Hack is gone.

Scene Arc (with next one): From loss of safety, to desperation time!

Essence: The battle lines are clear now

Conflict: They’re trapped like cattle

Subtext: Where’s Hack?

Hope/Fear: We hope there’s a way out of here; we fear where Hack has gone to

INT. 2ND FLOOR STAIRWELL

Kids fill stairs with stuff. No one’s getting up there.

INT. CABIN – 2ND FLOOR

Jason worries about the servants passage. Matty says no zombie would know. Passages go to kitchen – not a way out.

Scene Arc: From “safe for now”, to the REAL discussion about Jason’s treatment over the years

Essence: WE ALL SUCK

Conflict: Jason confronts his bullies

Subtext: Do things have to get this bad to bring people together?

Hope/Fear: We hope this group finds a way to unite; we fear this won’t last

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY (?)

Group blames Jason for bringing zombies. Jason erupts, letting everyone know what life is like for him.

INT. CABIN – 2ND FLOOR LIBRARY

Molly apologizes to Jason. Defends Matt: “You don’t know what he went through.” Ends in argument, Jason stalks off.

Scene Arc: From a thaw with Molly; to Jason blaming her for taking “Matt’s side”, and shutting her out

Essence: An extended hand, slapped away

Conflict: Jason needs to confront his OWN responsibility

Subtext: What DID Matt go through?

Hope/Fear: We hope Jason grows up; we fear Molly will give up on him

INT. MARK’S BEDROOM

Matt confesses to Jason how scared of Hack he is.

Scene Arc: From another Jason confrontation, to Matt showing why he’s a leader; Matt confesses, and Jason accepts

Essence: Two old friends bury the hatchet

Conflict: Letting the walls down, being vulnerable

Subtext: Again… where is Hack?

Hope/Fear: We hope this friendship survives; we fear Hack isn’t done yet

INT. BASEMENT

Hack lifts trap door, and lets Zombies in. Hack lets one bite him – then rips its head off. Looks at his arm, and waits.

Scene Arc: From a betraying human, to Hack acquiring “superpowers” and becoming a true monster

Essence: Hack chooses to be a zombie

Conflict: How will group deal with “new Hack”?

Subtext: This is who Hack was all along

Hope/Fear: We hope Hack doesn’t start leading the zombies; we fear he will

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Alan comes in with bow and arrow set. Matty won silver medal in third grade – Jason won gold. (this is stupid)

Scene Arc: From another sign of Matt’s superiority, to group realizing there’s more to Jason than meets the eye

Essence: Jason’s not such a loser

Conflict:

Subtext: They need Jason?

Hope/Fear:

INT. KITCHEN

Zombie-Hack appears. Slides wall panel open. Passage up.

Scene Arc (with next 4): From Hack launching a surprise; to group working together to stay alive; to trapped in the attic

Essence: The shit’s hit the fan; the “bad guy” just got worse

Conflict: Zombie-Hack on the attack

Subtext: How do you deal with a SMART zombie?

Hope/Fear: We hope Hack dies; we fear the group is doomed

END ACT III

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Zombies – led by Hack – flood the hall. Group on the run –

INT. CABIN – FAR UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

Group escapes from zombies by climbing ladder to attic.

INT. ATTIC/CRAWLSPACE

Trapped. Zombies climb ladder. They try and get thick attic window open. Group escapes out attic window, onto…

EXT. ROOF – NIGHT

Jason kills Zombie-Hack, and saves Matty and Molly.

Scene Arc:

Essence: Jason the hero

Conflict: Jason faces his fears, in the flesh

Subtext: Hack is an unfeeling, uncaring monster – like Jason’s dad

Hope/Fear: We hope Jason takes his head off! We fear he’ll lose

EXT. ROOF

They’re still on roof, with house surrounded by zombies. Jason shoots arrow through tree on far side of lake/river. They rappel down, and escape into woods.

Scene Arc: From trapped on the roof, to Jason to the rescue

Essence: Jason is a new man

Conflict: Brains vs … brainless

Subtext: Jason’s dreams coming true

Hope/Fear: We hope Jason makes it; we fear he’ll die

EXT. ZOMBIE GRAVEYARD

They arrive at graveyard, surrounded. CONFEDERATE Zombies attack Union Zombies. Kids sneak off in the chaos.

Scene Arc: From a narrow escape; to utter hopelessness; to a little bit of luck

Essence: Sometimes, the mouse has the right idea

Conflict: The Civil War lives on!

Subtext:

Hope/Fear: we hope they find a way out – we don’t see it

EXT. ROAD – DAWN

They siphon gas from Jason’s upside-down car, into Matty’s car. Matty worries what Jason’s dad will do. Jason shrugs. “Guess we’ll have a talk.”

OR… State College comes up – of course Jason’s going. Matty suggests they room together.

Scene Arc: Not sure about this. How DO I want things to end?

Essence:

Conflict:

Subtext:

Hope/Fear:

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Intriguing Moments

What I learned doing this assignment is… I don’t have any real intrigue in Act 4! Very easy to make that “final battle” too straightforward. Need a twist/an unseen plan by the protagonist and friends, so the audience can feel things are doomed, and be surprised by the victory.

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

ACT I

HIDDEN IDENTITY: The killer chasing Matty and Molly through the woods turns out to be JASON, who kills Matty, and saves a grateful Molly.

MYSTERY: Why is Jason so afraid to serve “Table 12”?

INTRIGUE: Molly and Matty are part of that table. What is the history between the 3 of them?

MYSTERY: Jason’s dad says he’s glad Jason’s mom isn’t alive to see what he’s turned into. What happened to Jason’s mom?

ACT II

INTRIGUE: What is the blue tinge to the water? What goes on at that military base?

MYSTERY: Who dug up the graves?

COVERT AGENDA: Hack listens in on private conversations of the group? (this is way too vague – need to figure out who this group IS)

MYSTERY: What is the significance of “3Ms Forever”?

HIDDEN IDENTITY/SUPERIOR POSITION: Jason is brought into the cabin, and mocked for being a lame-ass, playing “knights” in the forest. WE know he came here to kill them.

COVER-UP: Jason pretends he was there to do a cosplay with friends, but they didn’t show.

ACT III

CONSPIRACY: Matty pulls Alan aside, tells him to keep an eye on Hack. Tells him to keep an eye on MOLLY as well, and make sure Hack leaves her alone.

COVERT AGENDA: Hack quizzes Jason on each weapon pulled out (supposedly for role-playing D&D) – then pulls out a gun and mask, revealing Jason’s lie!

SCHEME: Hack pockets bullets from gun, rendering it useless. Then, later, pockets the “useless” gun.

COVERT AGENDA/HIDDEN IDENTITY: Hack lets zombies in through pipe in basement – bites a zombie himself and eats its flesh, to turn into a zombie.

ACT IV

SUPERIOR POSITION: As group fills stairwell with furniture, and feels safe at the top level, Hack opens servants’ passage in the kitchen below, to let zombies up.

SCHEME: There has to be SOME clever way that Matty and Molly and Jason work together to set Hack up, to defeat him on the roof. NO IDEA WHAT THIS IS….

UNSOLVABLE PROBLEM: As survivors escape into the woods, with zombies coming behind them, they reach the graveyard to find MORE zombies erupting from graves. There is NO WAY OUT… (then CONFEDERATE zombie soldiers attack the Union soldiers they’ve been fighting all along, and the group sneaks away in the chaos…)

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Emotional Moments

What I learned doing this assignment is…. this is a great way to track your story from an emotional standpoint – I’m finding “ACT III” scenes that really need to go in Act 2, etc.

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

Genre: HORROR/COMEDY

Log Line: A tormented, aspiring serial killer is forced to join with the bullies that were his intended victims when their cabin is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

INT. ACT I

VICTORY: Jason slays the dragon (in his dream); kills Matt and wins the girl.

HUMILIATION: Jason is forced to bring food to his high school tormentors. Hack pulls his pants down, dropping all the food on Jason. To make matters worse, his boss fires him for the broken dishes and ruined food.

FEAR/WOUND: Jason’s dad sides with the bullies. Punches him, and tells him it’s a good thing his mom died, so she didn’t have to see what he turned into. We see just how alone and scared Jason is.

BETRAYAL/WOUND: Jason watches out his window as Matt drops Molly off, and they make out on his car. The exact opposite of Jason’s dream world.

INT. ACT II

DETERMINATION/COURAGE MONTAGE: Jason “arms himself for war,” vowing to make his dreams a reality. Sneaks into sleeping father’s bedroom, and steals his gun.

DISTRESS/PANIC: Jason falls into an empty grave while following behind the group in the woods. Claustrophobia takes over, and Jason has to find a way out on his own.

MORAL DILEMMA: Jason has his first opportunity to kill one of his tormentors, CHET, who is peeing in the woods. He can’t do it. Then –

SHOCK/HORROR: While Chet is mocking Jason, his chest explodes from a bullet! He’s dead! And…. ZOMBIES ARE REAL! A zombie feasts on Chet’s corpse.

HIDDEN WEAKNESS/WOUND: Hack kills the zombie, and realizes that Jason was there to kill them all. He challenges Jason to kill him first – and Jason can’t do it. He keeps “proving his father right.”

HUMILIATION TIMES TEN: Brought into cabin by Hack, everyone mocks Jason again. They laugh when he tells them about zombies, and Hack pretends not to know.

BETRAYAL: Molly backs down to Matt? Not sure I like this…

PANIC: Zombies attack, both inside and out. The group has nothing to defend itself with.

INT. ACT III

BONDING/SUSPENSE: Jason and Matty go through pipes in basement to get his bag of weapons in the woods. Jason battles claustrophobia, Matty helps him through it.

BETRAYAL/REVEAL: Jason’s purpose is revealed. He was there to kill them all.

TERROR: Zombies blast through windows. Group has to flee upstairs.

DREAD: Left behind, Hack moves to basement, and lets zombies in through pipe.

INT. ACT IV

BONDING/DREAD: Jason and Matt bond over old pictures. Matt reveals how scared of Hack he is – Hack is a sociopath.

SHOCK/DREAD: Hack is now a zombie – but still retains sense of self. Shows zombies servants’ passage to upstairs.

COURAGE/VICTORY: Jason kills Hack; leads group to safety.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Set-ups and Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment is… adding/identifying reveals is a great way to back up and make earlier scenes more specific and relevant. And I do have a question: Is there a difference between SET-UP/REVEAL, and SET-UP/PAY-OFF?

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Log Line: A tormented, aspiring serial killer must join forces with the bullies that were his intended victims, when their remote cabin is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

SET-UP: Innocent couple chased by deranged killer!

COLD OPEN: couple (MARK and MOLLY) chased through woods by masked killer. JASON swings from a vine above, kills Mark with a machete, and “rescues” Molly – who loved him all along.

REVEAL: The killer is Jason – and he’s the Protagonist

SET-UP: Jason fantasizes about killing kids?

INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jason is woken by CARL (Dad) with a punch to the nuts. Carl mocks him, berates him for being late to work, etc. Carl sees the anger in Jason’s eyes, dares him to take a swing. Jason apologizes.

INT. BENNY’S DINER – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Jason late to work, abused and mocked by BOSS. He apologizes again. Boss tells him to bring food to bullies – Jason begs him not to.

SET-UP: What is Jason so scared of?

SET-UP: Jason shows some technical skill? Does this come back at end? Need to think of something…

INT. BENNY’S DINER – RESTAURANT – NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT: Jason is humiliated by HACK and other bullies. Jason is blamed, and fired by boss. Jason begs not to be fired – his dad will kill him.

REVEAL: We see what Jason was scared of – and who Mark and Molly are

SET-UP: There’s going to be trouble at home

EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Jason overhears group’s camping plans for morning. Mark and Hack have intense discussion about Hack’s violence – Mark pleading, Hack bows his head, apologetic – but goes blank when Mark turns.

SET-UP: Mark/Hack dynamic – Hack’s got a history of “going too far”; Mark seems a little tentative

EXT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Before going inside, Jason grabs (what? Something like a cup), and sticks it down his pants to protect his balls.

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

TURNING POINT I: Carl sides with bullies (”You’ll always be a loser, ‘cause you can’t take what you want.”) Under threat, Jason agrees.

SET-UP: Father’s “rubric” for being a winner, which Jason fights against the whole script

REVEAL: Jason’s mom is dead

INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jason watches Mark drop Molly off; they make out. Jason looks at posters of Jason, Freddy, etc on wall. Decides to take action.

END OF ACT I

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

PACKING SCENE: Jason loads duffel with weapons. Pulls down STEEL ARROW (key prop) from wall. Takes Carl’s gun from nightstand while he sleeps. Ties Star Wars shirt around forehead. Hurts himself numerous times on weapons.

He puts on hockey mask.

REVEAL: Jason is living out his fantasies

EXT. JASON’S HOUSE – MORNING

Jason follows Mark and Molly in his car.

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD – DAY

Mark and crew drive up mountain. Hack plays with a spider – flicks it on Astrid when she reacts. Jason follows in his car.

SET-UP: Hack’s cruelty…

INT. JASON’S CAR – DAY

He’s lost them. Frantically speeds up, comes around turn…

INT. MARK’S CAR – DAY

River has overflowed banks, road is blocked.

INT. JASON’S CAR – DAY

Jason jams on breaks, car skids off road into ditch. Mark and crew are just up the road.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Mark and crew traipse through woods – ground muddy. Mark bends down by river – trails of blue liquid in the water. Mark says they’re doing something up at Harcove (secret military base) – no swimming in lake for them.

SET-UP: There’s a military base upriver; what’s the blue tint? Water poisoned? Mark used to it…

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

Group moves through Civil War graveyard. Sees empty graves. Hack pushes Chet into one, as they leave. Watches as he struggles. Mark helps Chet out.

SET-UP: Why are graves dug up?

SET-UP: Hack loves taunting Chet

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

Jason lugs his duffel, struggling. Falls into same grave as Chet. Panics – claustrophobia. Has to close his eyes and calm himself. Finds his own way out.

SET-UP: Jason struggles with claustrophobia

GC: Skeletal hand breaks from another grave.

SET-UP: There’s something worse in the woods than Jason (how much to reveal?)

EXT. CABIN – DAY

They boat across lake to cabin. Mark’s older sister MAGGIE and skeevy boyfriend TOP come out – Mark’s upset, but they’ve got beer. Mark points out her new – seemingly infected – tattoo. Top’s got one too. They jump in lake despite Mark’s warning.

SET-UP: Maggie and Top go swimming in polluted water, with open wounds (tattoos)

INT. CABIN – DAY

Group lugs stuff in, cracks beers, etc. Mark not happy, he and Molly still at odds [OVER WHAT?].

SET-UP: Trouble with Mark and Molly, involving Jason and Hack

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Jason sees Cabin below. Watches enviously.

Drain Pipe leads under lake. Jason sees “3 M’s Forever” carved into tree. Hacks at it with machete – hurts his hand.

REVEAL: There’s history with Mark and Molly

SET-UP: Who did these three use to be to each other?

[FLASHBACK?? Jason, Mark and Molly as kids, carving]

Jason stows duffel in drain pipe.

SET-UP: Gonna need those weapons later!

INT./EXT. CABIN SCENES

Scenes of group lounging, fucking around, etc. Establish group dynamics. Two members get in boat to go get wood for bonfire. [SPLIT SCENES – Jump Scares, etc]

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Hack takes a piss. Hears a noise…

EXT. HOUSE – DAY

CHET forgot weed in car!! He has to go get it.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Jason creeps up, looks below – sees Hack, tormenting a wounded raccoon with a sharp stick. Hack kills it.

SET-UP/REVEAL: Hack is dangerous (set-up)

EXT. HOUSE/WOODS

More scenes here… Mark/Molly dynamic?

REVEAL: Mark isn’t the bully Jason thinks he is

SET-UP: Mark has his OWN bully (Hack)

EXT. WOODS – DUSK

Chet sits against rock, lights joint. Jason, machete in hand, creeps up behind him. EASY chance for Jason. He can’t do it. Starts to back away, defeated.

Chet catches him (Jason ditches machete). Mocks him –

TURNING POINT II: DEATH #1: Chet killed by Zombie.

REVEAL: There are zombies in the woods!

Hack cuts Zombie’s head off with machete. Realizes Jason was there to kill them. Hack hands Jason machete, tells him to kill Hack first. Jason can’t. Hack takes machete, puts it to Jason’s throat.

REVEAL: Hack is a sociopath

SET-UP: What is Hack going to do with Jason?

END OF ACT II

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Hack brings Jason inside. Jason tells them Chet is dead, zombies are out there. Everyone laughs. Hack lies, holds up joint, said he found it on a log. Jason tries to escape, they won’t let him.

SET-UP: Jason is in the lion’s den – what happens when they find out what he’s there for??

Molly defends Jason. Group relents. Alan says he’s going to go get Chet – Astrid goes too: wants the pot Chet’s obviously hogging, despite Jason’s warnings.

INT./EXT. CABIN/WOODS – NIGHT

Alan/Astrid look for Chet. Cut back and forth with various groups. JUMP SCARES, etc.

In cabin, Mark probes Jason to see why he really came here. Hack signals to Jason to keep quiet. Jason won’t talk. Mark is pissed.

DEATH #2: ASTRID screams in horror. Group finds one sandal.

SET-UP: What happened to Astrid?

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Debate on whether Astrid’s fucking with them. Maggie leaps from couch, now a zombie.

DEATH #3: Maggie kills _____. DEATH #4: Maggie dies – Jason grabs lacrosse stick, nets her head, yells instructions (Gotta destroy the brain!) Hack watches, amused. Then Hack smashes her skull in with ______.

Group flips out, screaming at Hack, who smiles.

Jason flips on flood lights – outside, zombies stumble into view, one by one – all dressed in Union uniforms, with guns.

REVEAL: Astrid is a zombie

Zombies turn towards light. Mark goes to turn off lights:

Power goes out! Look for weapons – lacrosse sticks, footballs, fishing rods – NOTHING. Jason raises hand like in class – says he’s got weapons.

SET-UP: The shit’s gonna hit the fan

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Mark and Jason go into drain pipe in basement – they used to do this as kids. Mark pulls Alan aside, says to stay by Molly, and keep an eye on Hack. Jason balks, terrified. Mark reminds Jason of time he got Mark out of cave?

REVEAL: Their history as kids/carving of the tree

REVEAL: Jason’s claustrophobia comes back big time. Mark talks him through it.

SET-UP: Mark apologizes – says Jason was always the nicer of them (but he was there to kill Mark…)

EXT. CABIN/WOODS – NIGHT

Jason and Mark retrieve duffel bag. They get chased back down tunnel, shove boiler or something on top of trap door. That way out is gone.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

They distribute weapons, laughing at Jason’s “cosplay geekness” coming in handy. Hack pulls gun out – Jason’s cover is blown. Jason has it out with his tormentors, standing up to all of them.

REVEAL: Jason was there to kill them

Top is suddenly a whimpering mess – group sees blue leaking from his tattoo.

DEATH #5: Hack grabs flail, and rips Top’s head off.

Mark finally confronts Hack [show Mark NOT standing up to Hack earlier?]. Orders him to sit down in a corner. Hack nods graciously. Sits. Smokes.

SET-UP: What will Hack do now?

New Plan: Jason says they’ve got to block every entrance. Group tries to block doors, windows – bullets blast through glass, and zombies – LOTS of them – cross lake.

Mark orders everyone upstairs. No one can find Hack.

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Hack sees stuff blocking trap door. Hears thumping below.

SET-UP: Hack gets an idea…

INT. LEVEL 1 STAIRWELL

Kids scramble upstairs. Mark locks door. They hurl EVERYTHING down the stairwell – mattresses, chairs, dressers – until stairwell is FULL. No one’s getting up there.

Jason worries about the servants passage. Mark reveals “servant passages” – but no zombie would know about them. Passages go to kitchen – not a way out.

SET-UP: Hack knows about them

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Calm before storm. Debate next steps.

Molly approaches Jason, who retreats. She apologizes, but insists he open up. First real crack in Jason’s armor, as he talks about what his dad said, how alone he’s been.

REVEAL: Jason’s wound – his mom died, and Mark and Molly abandoned him. AND Jason learns he shut himself off from Molly (”I came around every day. You never came out.”)

Molly defends Mark: “You don’t know what he went through.” Ends in argument, Jason stalks off.

SET-UP: What did Mark go through?

INT. MARK’S BEDROOM

Jason comes in to see Mark staring at pictures on wall: the three of them, when they were 7. Jason – not angry – asks “why?” We learn how scared of Hack Mark is (Mark thinks Hack may have killed his own parents).

REVEAL: Mark is as scared of Hack as Jason; Hack may have killed his own parents; Mark didn’t want Jason around Hack

INT. BASEMENT

Hack lifts trap door. Zombies flood the space. Hack takes last one, lets it bite him – then rips its head off. Looks at his arm, and waits.

SET-UP: Hack has a chance to BE a monster

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Alan (?) comes in with bow and arrow set. Mark won silver medal – reveal: Jason won gold. Beginning of reconciliation?

SET-UP: Jason’s got skills

INT. KITCHEN

TURNING POINT 3: Zombie-Hack appears. Slides wall panel open. Passage up.

REVEAL: Hack is now a true monster

END ACT III

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Panel bursts open, Zombies – led by Hack – flood the hall. Hack talks, gutteral, beastial.

SET-UP: Hack calls for Mark – he’s coming for him!

Group on the run – Mark and Jason consulting as to next steps.

INT. CABIN – FAR UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

Button releases electric attic ladder – gets stuck halfway. Zombies stumble around corner. Jason puts arrows in them as group scramble up stairs. Mark uses flail.

REVEAL: Jason IS a hero

Mark retreats, and yanks Jason up by the collar just in time.

INT. ATTIC/CRAWLSPACE

Trapped. Zombies climb ladder one by one, as they try and get thick attic window open. Try everything to break it.

INT. HALLWAY

Below, Zombie-Hack looks to far end, and another window. Shambles off that way.

SET-UP: Hack is “smarter than your average zombie”

INT. ATTIC/CRAWLSPACE

Roger fights off zombies with inadequate weaponry. Big argument. Then group realizes… it opens OUT.

EXT. ROOF – NIGHT

REVEAL: Hack has beat them to the roof. With final dialogue, says he’s finally happy for first time – feels like himself, doesn’t have to pretend. ATTACKS MARK!

Jason kills Zombie-Hack, and saves Mark and Molly.

EXT. ROOF

SET-UP: Hack’s dead – and they’re safe on the roof… and are utterly surrounded. No way out

Jason ties fishing wire to steel arrow, shoots it through tree on far side of lake. They rappel down [echo of Jason’s opening dream], and escape into woods.

REVEAL: Jason’s fantasy comes true (kind of); he’s the hero

EXT. ZOMBIE GRAVEYARD

SET-UP: They arrive at graveyard, to find MORE zombies bursting from ground. And zombies arriving behind. They’re trapped.

CONFEDERATE Zombies attack Union Zombies. Kids sneak off in the chaos.

REVEAL: Even zombies have enemies!

EXT. ROAD – DAWN

They siphon gas from Jason’s upside-down car, into Mark’s car. Mark worries what Jason’s dad will do. Jason shrugs. “Guess we’ll have a talk.”

REVEAL: Jason no longer scared of his dad

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Character Action Track

What I learned doing this assignment is… I’ve got a pretty good handle on my two leads, but this definitely sharpened some key moments!

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Log Line: A tormented, aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with his tormentors and potential victims when their cabin is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

ACT I

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

COLD OPEN: couple (MARK and MOLLY) chased through woods by masked killer. JASON swings from a vine above, kills Mark with a machete, and “rescues” Molly – who loved him all along.

INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jason is woken by CARL (Dad) with a punch to the nuts. Carl mocks him, berates him for being late to work, etc. Carl sees the anger in Jason’s eyes, dares him to take a swing. Jason apologizes.

INT. BENNY’S DINER – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Jason late to work, abused and mocked by BOSS. He apologizes again. Boss tells him to bring food to bullies – Jason begs him not to.

INT. BENNY’S DINER – RESTAURANT – NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT: Jason is humiliated by HACK and other bullies. Jason is blamed, and fired by boss. Jason begs not to be fired – his dad will kill him.

EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Jason overhears group’s camping plans for morning. Mark and Hack have intense discussion about Hack’s violence – Mark pleading, Hack bows his head, apologetic – but goes blank when Mark turns.

EXT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Before going inside, Jason grabs (what? Something like a cup), and sticks it down his pants to protect his balls.

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

TURNING POINT I: Carl sides with bullies (”You’ll always be a loser, ‘cause you can’t take what you want.”) Under threat, Jason agrees.

INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jason watches Mark drop Molly off; they make out. Jason looks at posters of Jason, Freddy, etc on wall. Decides to take action.

END OF ACT I

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

PACKING SCENE: Jason loads duffel with weapons. Pulls down STEEL ARROW (key prop) from wall. Takes Carl’s gun from nightstand while he sleeps. Ties Star Wars shirt around forehead. Hurts himself numerous times on weapons.

EXT. JASON’S HOUSE – MORNING

Jason follows Mark and Molly in his car.

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD – DAY

Mark and crew drive up mountain. Hack plays with a spider – flicks it on Astrid when she reacts. Jason follows in his car.

INT. JASON’S CAR – DAY

He’s lost them. Frantically speeds up, comes around turn…

INT. MARK’S CAR – DAY

River has overflowed banks, road is blocked.

INT. JASON’S CAR – DAY

Jason jams on breaks, car skids off road into ditch. Mark and crew are just up the road.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Mark and crew traipse through woods – ground muddy. Mark bends down by river – trails of blue liquid in the water. Mark says they’re doing something up at Harcove (secret military base) – no swimming in lake for them.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

Group moves through Civil War graveyard. Sees empty graves. Hack pushes Chet into one, as they leave. Watches as he struggles. Mark helps Chet out.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

Jason lugs his duffel, struggling. Falls into same grave as Chet. Panics – claustrophobia. Has to close his eyes and calm himself. Finds his own way out.

GC: Skeletal hand breaks from another grave.

EXT. CABIN – DAY

They boat across lake to cabin. Mark’s older sister MAGGIE and skeevy boyfriend TOP come out – Mark’s upset, but they’ve got beer. Mark points out her new – seemingly infected – tattoo. Top’s got one too. They jump in lake despite Mark’s warning.

INT. CABIN – DAY

Group lugs stuff in, cracks beers, etc. Mark not happy, he and Molly still at odds [OVER WHAT?].

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Jason sees Cabin below. Watches enviously.

Drain Pipe leads under lake. Jason sees “3 M’s Forever” carved into tree. Hacks at it with machete – hurts his hand.

[FLASHBACK?? Jason, Mark and Molly as kids, carving]

Jason stows duffel in drain pipe.

INT./EXT. CABIN SCENES

Scenes of group lounging, fucking around, etc. Establish group dynamics. Two members get in boat to go get wood for bonfire. [SPLIT SCENES – Jump Scares, etc]

CHET forgot weed in car!! He has to go get it.

EXT. WOODS – DUSK

Chet sits against rock, lights joint. Jason, machete in hand, creeps up behind him. EASY chance for Jason. He can’t do it. Starts to back away, defeated.

Chet catches him (Jason ditches machete). Mocks him –

TURNING POINT II: DEATH #1: Chet killed by Zombie.

Hack cuts Zombie’s head off with machete. Realizes Jason was there to kill them. Hack hands Jason machete, tells him to kill Hack first. Jason can’t. Hack takes machete, puts it to Jason’s throat.

END OF ACT II

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Hack brings Jason inside. Jason tells them Chet is dead, zombies are out there. Everyone laughs. Hack lies, holds up joint, said he found it on a log. Jason tries to escape, they won’t let him.

Molly defends Jason. Group relents. Alan says he’s going to go get Chet – Astrid goes too: wants the pot Chet’s obviously hogging, despite Jason’s warnings.

INT./EXT. CABIN/WOODS – NIGHT

Alan/Astrid looks for Chet. Cut back and forth with various groups. JUMP SCARES, etc.

In cabin, Mark probes Jason to see why he really came here. Hack signals to Jason to keep quiet. Jason won’t talk. Mark is pissed.

DEATH #2: ASTRID screams in horror. Group finds one sandal.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Debate on whether Astrid’s fucking with them. Maggie leaps from couch, now a zombie.

DEATH #3: Maggie kills _____. DEATH #4: Maggie dies – Jason grabs lacrosse stick, nets her head, yells instructions (Gotta destroy the brain!) Hack watches, amused. Then Hack smashes her skull in with ______.

Group flips out, screaming at Hack, who smiles.

Jason flips on flood lights – outside, zombies stumble into view, one by one – all dressed in Union uniforms, with guns. They turn towards light. Mark slaps lights off.

They turn off all the lights in the house (or Power goes out?). Look for weapons – lacrosse sticks, footballs, fishing rods – NOTHING. Jason raises hand like in class – says he’s got weapons.

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Mark and Jason go into drain pipe in basement – they used to do this as kids. Mark pulls Alan aside, says to stay by Molly, and keep an eye on Hack. Jason balks, terrified. Mark reminds Jason of time he got Mark out of cave?

EXT. CABIN/WOODS – NIGHT

Jason and Mark retrieve duffel bag. They get chased back down tunnel, shove boiler or something on top of trap door. That way out is gone.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

They distribute weapons, laughing at Jason’s “cosplay geekness” coming in handy. Hack pulls gun out – Jason’s cover is blown. Jason has it out with his tormentors, standing up to all of them.

Top is suddenly a whimpering mess – group sees blue leaking from his tattoo.

DEATH #5: Hack grabs flail, and rips Top’s head off.

Mark finally confronts Hack [show Mark NOT standing up to Hack earlier?]. Orders him to sit down in a corner. Hack nods graciously. Sits. Smokes.

New Plan: Jason says they’ve got to block every entrance. Group tries to block doors, windows – bullets blast through glass, and zombies – LOTS of them – cross lake.

Mark orders everyone upstairs. No one can find Hack.

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Hack sees stuff blocking trap door. Hears thumping below.

INT. LEVEL 1 STAIRWELL

Kids scramble upstairs. Mark locks door. They hurl EVERYTHING down the stairwell – mattresses, chairs, dressers – until stairwell is FULL. No one’s getting up there.

Jason worries about the servants passage. Mark reveals “servant passages” – but no zombie would know about them. Passages go to kitchen – not a way out.

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Calm before storm. Debate next steps.

Molly approaches Jason, who retreats. She apologizes, but insists he open up. First real crack in Jason’s armor, as he talks about what his dad said, how alone he’s been.

Molly defends Mark: “You don’t know what he went through.” Ends in argument, Jason stalks off.

INT. MARK’S BEDROOM

Jason comes in to see Mark staring at pictures on wall: the three of them, when they were 7. Jason – not angry – asks “why?” We learn how scared of Hack Mark is (Mark thinks Hack may have killed his own parents).

INT. BASEMENT

Hack lifts trap door. Zombies flood the space. Hack takes last one, lets it bite him – then rips its head off. Looks at his arm, and waits.

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Alan (?) comes in with bow and arrow set. Mark won silver medal – reveal: Jason won gold. Beginning of reconciliation?

INT. KITCHEN

TURNING POINT 3: Zombie-Hack appears. Slides wall panel open. Passage up.

END ACT III

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Panel bursts open, Zombies – led by Hack – flood the hall. Hack talks, gutteral, beastial. Calls for Mark – he’s coming for him!

Group on the run – Mark and Jason consulting as to next steps.

INT. CABIN – FAR UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

Button releases electric attic ladder – gets stuck halfway. Zombies stumble around corner. Jason puts arrows in them as group scramble up stairs. Mark uses flail.

Mark retreats, and yanks Jason up by the collar just in time.

INT. ATTIC/CRAWLSPACE

Trapped. Zombies climb ladder one by one, as they try and get thick attic window open. Try everything to break it.

INT. HALLWAY

Below, Zombie-Hack looks to far end, and another window. Shambles off that way.

INT. ATTIC/CRAWLSPACE

Roger fights off zombies with inadequate weaponry. Big argument. Then group realizes… it opens OUT.

EXT. ROOF – NIGHT

Jason kills Zombie-Hack, and saves Mark and Molly.

EXT. ROOF

Still tons of zombies below. What to do. Jason ties fishing wire to steel arrow, shoots it through tree on far side of lake. They rappel down [echo of Jason’s opening dream], and escape into woods.

EXT. ZOMBIE GRAVEYARD

They arrive at graveyard, to find MORE zombies bursting from ground. And zombies arriving behind. They’re trapped.

CONFEDERATE Zombies attack Union Zombies. Kids sneak off in the chaos.

EXT. ROAD – DAWN

They siphon gas from Jason’s upside-down car, into Mark’s car. Mark worries what Jason’s dad will do. Jason shrugs. “Guess we’ll have a talk.”

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s New Outline Beats!

What I learned doing this assignment is – the backwards, and back-and-forth methods are a great way to generate new ideas, and make sure one thing leads to the next. Will definitely be coming back to this again and again.

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Log Line: An aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the bullies he’s targeted as his victims when their cabin is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

COLD OPEN: couple (JACK and LUCY) chased through woods by masked killer. JASON kills Jack, and “rescues” Lucy.

Genre Convention (Horror): start in midst of peril

PJ: We see Jason as he wishes he were: powerful, victorious, getting the girl.

INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jason is woken by CARL (Dad) with a punch to the nuts. Carl mocks him, berates him for being late to work, etc.

PJ: Jason’s reality: he is terrorized at home, and can’t fight back.

INT. BENNY’S DINER – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Jason late to work, abused and mocked by BOSS.

PJ: It’s not just home – Jason has no safe space.

INT. BENNY’S DINER – RESTAURANT – NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT: Jason is humiliated by HACK and other bullies. Jason is blamed, and fired by boss.

AJ: Hack “plays the clown”, pulling down Jason’s pants (and underwear). Hack enjoys in a quieter, more disturbing way.

DL: Jack doesn’t join in, but doesn’t stop his friends.

EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Jason overhears group’s camping plans for morning.

AJ: Jack goes off on Hack – always taking things too far. Hack goes quiet, withdraws – we see his hatred for Jack.

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

TURNING POINT I: Carl sides with bullies (”You’ll always be a loser, ‘cause you can’t take what you want.”)

DL: Carl is glad Jason’s mother is dead, can’t see him now.

INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jason watches Jack drop Lucy off; they make out.

PJ: Jason looks at posters on walls: Jason, Freddy, Michael Myers – men of STRENGTH. Jason vows to finally BE what he admires.

END OF ACT I

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

PACKING SCENE: Jason loads duffel with weapons. Pulls down STEEL ARROW (key prop) from wall.

GC: Jason sneaks into Carl’s bedroom as Carl snores from bed. Gets gun from nightstand.

DL: Jason ties an old shirt/piece of cloth (his Star Wars shirt) around his forehead “bandana-style” as part of his “warrior look”.

EXT. JASON’S HOUSE – MORNING

Jason follows Jack and Lucy in his car.

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD – DAY

Jack and crew drive up mountain. Jason follows in his car.

INT. JASON’S CAR – DAY

He’s lost them. Frantically speeds up, comes around turn…

INT. JACK’S CAR – DAY

River has overflowed banks, road is blocked.

INT. JASON’S CAR – DAY

Jason jams on breaks, car skids off road into ditch. Jack and crew are just up the road.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Jack and crew traipse through woods – ground muddy. Jack bends down by river – trails of blue liquid in the water. Jack says they’re doing something up at Harcove (secret military base) – no swimming in lake for them.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

Group moves through Civil War graveyard.

GC: Graves are dug up. Jack explains people rob Civil War graves all the time.

AJ: Hack pushes Alan into empty grave. Too deep for him to get out. Hack just watches. Jack comes back, helps Alan out.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

Jason lugs his duffel, struggling.

PJ: Jason falls into same empty grave as Alan. Uses physics to get out – he’s smart! Thinks he’s a loser for falling in.

GC: Skeletal hand breaks from another grave.

EXT. CABIN – DAY

They boat across lake to cabin. Jack’s older sister MAGGIE and skeevy boyfriend TOP come out – Jack’s upset, but they’ve got beer. Jack points out her new – seemingly infected – tattoo. Top’s got one too.

GC: Maggie dives in water against Jack’s warning.

INT. CABIN – DAY

Group lugs stuff in, cracks beers, etc. Jack not happy, he and Lucy still at odds.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Jason sees Cabin below. Watches enviously.

Drain Pipe leads under lake. Jason sees “3 M’s Forever” carved into tree.

[FLASHBACK?? Jason, Jack and Lucy as kids, carving]

Jason stows duffel in drain pipe.

INT./EXT. CABIN SCENES

Scenes of group lounging, fucking around, etc. Establish group dynamics. Two members get in boat to go get wood for bonfire.

CHET forgot weed in car!! He has to go get it.

GC: Jump scares as we think Jason may try and kill one…

EXT. WOODS – DUSK

Chet sits against rock, lights joint. Jason, machete in hand, creeps up behind him. EASY chance for Jason.

PJ: Jason can’t make himself do it. Makes the right moral choice, lets us keep rooting for him.

Chet catches him (Jason ditches machete). Mocks him –

TURNING POINT II: Chet killed by Zombie.

GC: DEATH #1/ZOMBIE REVEAL

Hack cuts Zombie’s head off with machete.

AJ: Hack is amused by dead “friend.” Quickly deduces Jason was here to kill them all.

Hack hands Jason machete, tells him to kill Hack first. Jason can’t. Hack takes machete, puts it to Jason’s throat, and tells him they’re going to “have some fun.”

END OF ACT II

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Hack brings Jason inside. Jason tells them Chet is dead, zombies are out there. Everyone laughs. Hack lies.

AJ: Hack sets Jason up to be mocked. Lies to group about what’s happening.

DL: Jack goes off on Jason’s obsession with monsters – obvious history between them.

Lucy defends Jason. Group relents.

PJ: Jason stood up for himself a little!

PJ: The SCARIEST bully controls Jason now – he knows why Jason’s here, and uses that to fuck with Jason.

GC: Chet’s been gone a long time – someone should go look for him. They ignore Jason. Hack tells Jason to shut up – a threat.

EXT. CABIN/WOODS – NIGHT

Group looks for Chet. Cut back and forth with various groups. JUMP SCARES, etc.

GC: DEATH #2: ASTRID screams in horror. Group finds one sandal.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Debate on whether Astrid’s fucking with them.

GC: Maggie turns zombie! Lying passed out on couch, she’s moaning – we see infected tattoo glowing blue – she leaps up, foaming at the mouth, eyes blue, and attacks!! CHAOS!!

GC: DEATH #3: Maggie leaps on _______’s back, bites them. Someone kills Maggie (Jason?)

AJ: Hack stands back and watches chaos. After she’s dead: “Wow. She just kept comin’ didn’t she?”

PLAN: Call the cops! They pick up phone – Jack hangs up. JACK: And say what?? Maggie just looks dead. How do they prove she was a zombie?

GC: Jack flips on flood lights – outside, zombies stumble into view, one by one – all dressed in Union uniforms, with guns. They turn towards light. Jack slaps lights off.

Power goes out?

They turn off all the lights in the house. Look for weapons – lacrosse sticks, footballs, fishing rods – NOTHING. Jason says he’s got weapons.

GC: They need Jason’s bag of weapons – out in the woods.

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Jack and Jason go into drain pipe in basement – they used to do this as kids.

EXT. CABIN/WOODS – NIGHT

Jason and Jack retrieve duffel bag. They get chased back down tunnel, shove boiler or something on top of trap door. That way out is gone.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

As weapons come out, Hack gives Jason away.

PJ: Everything out in the open. Jason finally stands up for himself (while admitting: “I MAY have overreacted.”) Confronts Jack about the past.

Top is suddenly a whimpering mess – group sees blue leaking from his tattoo. Hack kills him.

GC: DEATH #4: Hack grabs flail, and rips Top’s head off.

Jack finally confronts Hack [show Jack NOT standing up to Hack earlier?]. Orders him to sit in the fucking corner, and not move.

New Plan: Group tries to block doors, windows – bullets blast through glass, and zombies – LOTS of them – cross lake.

Jack orders everyone upstairs.

TURNING POINT 3: GC: Hack is gone!

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Hack sees stuff blocking trap door. Hears thumping below.

INT. LEVEL 1 STAIRWELL

Kids scramble upstairs. Jack locks door.

They hurl EVERYTHING down the stairwell – mattresses, chairs, dressers – until stairwell is FULL. No one’s getting up there.

Any other way up? Jack reveals “servant passages” – but no zombie would know about them. Passages go to kitchen – not a way out.

DL: Jason knows the house well.

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Calm before storm. Debate next steps.

Jason/Lucy conversation (what is their history? Lucy apologizes – but defends Jack: “You don’t know what he went through.” Ends in argument, Jason stalks off.)

[SCENE IN JACK’S BEDROOM? JASON & JACK…]

INT. BASEMENT

Hack Lifts trap door. Zombies flood the space. Hack takes last one, lets it bite him – then rips its head off. Looks at his arm, and waits.

INT. CABI – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Alan (?) comes in with bow and arrow set. Jack won silver medal – reveal: Jason won gold. Beginning of reconciliation?

INT. KITCHEN

Zombie-Hack appears. Slides wall panel open. Passage up.

END ACT III

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Panel bursts open, Zombies – led by Hack – flood the hall. Hack talks, but is becoming gutteral, beastial. (Not much of a change)

Group on the run.

INT. CABIN – FAR UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

Button releases electric attic ladder – gets stuck halfway. Zombies stumble around corner.

Jason starts putting arrows in them as group scramble up stairs. Jack uses flail.

Jack retreats, and yanks Jason up by the collar just in time. Stairs collapse?

INT. ATTIC/CRAWLSPACE

Trapped. Zombies climb ladder one by one, as they try and get thick attic window open. Try everything to break it.

Roger fights off zombies with inadequate weaponry.

Big argument. Then group realizes… it opens OUT.

EXT. ROOF – NIGHT

Jason defeats Zombie-Hack, and saves Jack and Lucy.

PJ: Jason works hand in hand with Jack to beat Hack – friendship repaired, and Jason shows what he can do.

AJ: Hack DIES – and smiles for first time?

DL: Metaphorically, Jason destroys baggage/dead weight he’s been carrying around his whole life. Proves his dad wrong.

PJ: Jason is finally the hero at last.

EXT. ROOF

Still tons of zombies below. What to do. Jason ties fishing wire to steel arrow, shoots it through tree on far side of lake. They rappel down, and escape into woods.

EXT. ZOMBIE GRAVEYARD

They arrive at graveyard, to find MORE zombies bursting from ground. And zombies arriving behind. They’re trapped.

GC: KILLER ISN’T DEAD. More zombies in the woods. Organized into a “platoon” with guns. Then the CONFEDERATE zombies attack the ones that were standing in the way.

Survivors sneak off while zombies battle it out.

EXT. ROAD – DAWN

They pull/push Jason’s car out of ditch. Jason and Jack both apologize.

Jack: We gotta find this guy a woman.

Jason: (sly look at Alan) Yeah. A woman. Or whatever.

DL: Jack acknowledges Jason’s heroism; a possible re-kindling of friendship. Jason acknowledges Jack and Lucy make a good pair?

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Beat Sheet – Draft One

What I learned doing this assignment is… a way to weave genre conventions for Horror into a structure based on the Protagonist’s Journey FIRST is incredibly powerful! Love this.

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

4-ACT STRUCTURE

OPENING: Jason fantasizes being the “hero” (killing Jack, rescuing Lucy)

Genre Convention (Horror): cold open – couple chased through woods by masked killer!!

PJ: We see Jason as he wishes he were: powerful, victorious, getting the girl

Jason is woken by CARL (Dad) with a punch to the nuts; Carl mocks him, berates him for being late to work, etc.

PJ: Jason’s reality: he is terrorized at home, and cannot fight back.

Jason is late for work, and abused and mocked there

PJ: It’s not just at home – Jason has no safe space

INCITING INCIDENT: Jason humiliated by Hack and the bullies; fired by boss

AJ: Hack “plays the clown” pulling down Jason’s pants. Gets underwear too, and enjoys it in a quieter, more disturbing way. (Maybe pours coffee on Jason?)

DL: Some interaction between Jack and Lucy re: Jason’s treatment…? Jack uncomfortable with group’s mockery, but lacks the balls to say anything

AJ: In parking lot (unseen by Jason) Jack goes off on Hack a bit – always taking things too far. Hack goes quiet, withdraws – we see his hatred for Jack

TURNING POINT 1/END OF ACT I: Jason’s Dad sides with bullies (“you’ll always be a loser, ‘cause you can’t take what you want”) Jason vows to live out his fantasy and kill his enemies

DL: Carl (J’s Dad): You know, you make me grateful your mother isn’t here to see what a fuckin pussy you turned out to be.

PJ: Jason looks at the posters on his walls: Jason, Freddy, Terminator – men of power, who “take what they want” – and decides to finally BE what he admires

DL: Jason ties an old shirt/piece of cloth (his Star Wars shirt) around his forehead “bandana-style” as part of his “warrior look”

ACT II: Jason tracks bullies to the cabin – falling victim to fear all the way, failing over and over to live up to his own expectations of the “Avenging Hero” – then he has his first chance to kill…

GC: group detoured (bridge out due to “last night’s storm”) – has to leave car and walk through Civil War graveyard. Graves dug up (ALAN: “looks like someone dug OUT” MAGGIE: “Yeah that’s what happened.” JACK: “Graverobbers – Civil War uniforms, guns, all that shit. People even buy their bones”)

AJ: In graveyard, Hack pushes _______ into empty grave. Too deep to get out, he freaks – and Hack watches with a grin, ‘till Jack offers a wooden plank for _______ to grab on to.

PJ: Jason falls into same empty grave as _______. Uses physics to get out (stacking wooden slats against dirt walls of grave, climbs out) – shows his brilliance, but HE just things he’s a loser for falling in.

GC: As Jason leaves graveyard, we see dirt bubble up on another grave, as a skeletal hand breaks the surface…

DL: In scenes at cabin, Lucy really pissed at Jack, and he can’t figure out why…

GC: Maggie and Top dive in the lake, despite Jack’s warning about military “run-off” from secret compound farther up the mountain.

TURNING POINT 2/MID-POINT/END OF ACT 2: Jason can’t make himself kill Vinnie – one of nastiest bullies – peeing in the woods; then a zombie kills Vinnie! Jason freezes, until Hack kills the zombie with Jason’s machete. Zombies are real! Hack realizes what Jason’s doing there… and smiles.

GC: DEATH #1! Zombie reveal!

PJ: Jason has the chance to kill Vinnie… and CAN’T. Makes the right moral choice (this reinforces idea that audience CAN root for him), though he feels he’s failed.

AJ: Hack doesn’t care about Vinnie’s death AT ALL. Hack is NOT scared of a zombie. And Hack is thrilled to have Jason as a hostage – and impressed with his bag of weapons. We see Hack’s manipulation at work, and just how at peace he is with violence.

ACT III: Hack brings Jason inside, claims to know nothing of zombies. Jason begs bullies to help him, to survive zombie attack

AJ: Hack sets Jason up for mockery. Forces Jason to lie about Vinnie (haven’t seen him, have we, Jason?)

DL: Jack goes off on Jason’s obsession with monsters (these two seem to know each other VERY well)

PJ: The SCARIEST bully controls Jason now – he knows why Jason’s here, and uses that to fuck with Jason/make him say things he doesn’t want to. (HACK: You think Crystal is the hottest girl here, right Jason? JASON: (looking at Lucy) Um, yeah sure. Whatever. Etc)

GC: Vinnie’s been gone a long time – group goes out to look for him.

GC: DEATH #2: ASTRID (sacrificial lamb) – screams in horror!

GC: Maggie turns zombie! Lying passed out on couch, she’s moaning – we see infected cut on her leg (or maybe a new tattoo she just got) – she leaps up, foaming at the mouth, and attacks!! Chaos!!

GC: DEATH #3/#4: Maggie bites _________. Someone kills Maggie.

AJ: Hack stands back and watches. Takeaway is “wow. She just kept comin, didn’t she?”

TURNING POINT 3/END ACT 3: Zombies invade the house, as Jason’s “mission” is revealed, and he has to confront bullies/make amends, while fleeing to roof to avoid zombies

GC: Jack puts on floodlights – zombies EVERYWHERE outside!

AJ: Hack: (“Well Jason’s got a big bag of weapons, don’t you, Jas?”)

DL: Lucy: “you were going to kill us?” Jason: “Not YOU! No! I – “ Jack: “Just the rest of us…”

PJ: Everything out in the open, Jason finally stands up for himself (while admitting: “I may have overreacted” 😉 ). Confronts Jack about past

TOP (Maggie’s BF) is suddenly a whimpering mess (“I don’t wanna be a zombie…” – we see his own infected tattoo). DEATH #5 – Hack kills Top (still human)!

Jack sees Hack for who/what he is. Orders Hack to just sit the fuck down, and don’t move.

GC: They need Jason’s bag of weapons – which is OUTSIDE. Jason and Jack get bag, barely get back to house.

AJ: Hack makes a decision, and sneaks off. He opens basement doors to let zombies in. Kills one, and eats some zombie flesh (let’s see what this does)

DL: Jack and Jason “have it out” – REVEAL about their past, Jason’s mom’s death and Jack’s abandonment of Jason. (need to figure out Lucy’s role in all this…)

AJ: Hack becomes leader of zombies, finally giving in to his impulses – ripping ALAN’S throat out with his teeth (Alan – voice of reason in the group). Maybe doing away with ELLEN as well (complainer)

GC: Place of “safety” (the house) is breached. Group must flee under all-out attack. Get to attic, where they’re trapped. Zombies climbing ladder one by one, have to get thick window open. Can’t break it, try everything. Jason saves the day (“I think it opens OUT”). They scramble onto roof.

CLIMAX: Jason defeats Hack – who’s turned zombie – and saves Jack and Lucy.

PJ: Jason works hand in hand with Jack to beat Hack – friendship repaired, and Jason shows what he can do

DL: Metaphorically, Jason destroys the baggage/dead weight he’s been carrying around his whole life – proves his dad wrong

PJ: Jason is finally the hero he’s always wanted to be

RESOLUTION: Jason is the hero at last – and makes friends in the process.

GC: KILLER ISN’T DEAD – there are more zombies in the woods. Organized into a “platoon” with guns. Then the CONFEDERATE zombies attack the ones that were standing in the way (“as a black person, I feel very conflicted about this” says ________).

DL: Jack acknowledges Jason’s heroism; a possible re-kindling of friendship. Jason acknowledges Jack and Lucy make a good pair?

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Deeper Layer

What I learned doing this assignment is… honestly, I thought my whole concept was a bit of a goof – not serious at all. And that hasn’t exactly changed – but, much as SEAN OF THE DEAD makes one hell of a commentary on how “modern man” is pretty damn close to a zombie already, this assignment made me see depth even in my title, which I had just thought of as a literary description (JASON VS THE ZOMBIES…). Cool!!!

ON A SIDE NOTE: Wasn’t sure exactly what we were supposed to post here – I put my whole outline after the “surface/deeper layer/major reveal” stuff, with some DL stuff added in (that’s the idea, right? Each of these assignments adds to our outline? Hope that was right…

MOVIE: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

HIGH CONCEPT:

A tormented, aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the bullies that were his intended victims, when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

SURFACE STORY 1: Jason is getting revenge on the bullies who torment him.

DEEPER LAYER 1: Jack – the leader – was Jason’s best friend, and abandoned him in 3^rd grade, the same year Jason’s mom died.

SURFACE STORY 2: Jason has to join forces with bullies to fight zombies.

DEEPER LAYER 2: Jason is forced to confront the “zombies” in his own life – the dead that haunt him: his mom, who his dad USED to be, the “dead friendships” with Jack and Lucy.

MAJOR REVEAL: When Jason’s purpose is revealed at end of Act 3 (there to kill them all), the history comes out. Jack mocks how he wore the same Star Wars t-shirt for 30 days in 3^rd grade (i.e., how could people not make fun of you??) – Jason disappears, Lucy calls Jack an asshole. In one-on-one with Lucy, Jason’s mom’s death comes out, as does the history with Jack and Lucy.

INFLUENCES SURFACE STORY: All of Jason’s anger is really about Jack’s betrayal (and Lucy’s?). His fantasy is about revenge against Jack, and re-claiming Lucy. When face to face, Jack is bizarrely uncomfortable around Jason, and lashes out at his own friends out of guilt.

HINTS: Strange level of tension between Jack and Lucy regarding Jason. Jack’s mockery of Jason’s insistence on zombies seems unusually charged (Jason always exaggerates? Evidence of history between these two). Maybe when group learns Jason was there to kill them, Jack DEFENDS Jason?

CHANGES REALITY: Jason’s homicidal tendencies suddenly make sense. We see the personal pain caused by those he trusted the most, who “took” his life from him long ago.

JASON’S 4-ACT STRUCTURE

OPENING: Jason fantasizes being the “hero” (killing Jack, rescuing Lucy); woken/abused by Carl at home; late for work, and abused and mocked there

INCITING INCIDENT: Jason humiliated by Hack and the bullies; fired by boss

DL: Some interaction between Jack and Lucy re: Jason’s treatment…? Jack uncomfortable with group’s mockery, but lacks the balls to say anything

TURNING POINT 1/END OF ACT I: Jason’s Dad sides with bullies (“you’ll always be a loser, ‘cause you can’t take what you want”) Jason vows to live out his fantasy and kill his enemies

DL: Carl (J’s Dad): You know, you make me grateful your mother isn’t here to see what a fuckin pussy you turned out to be.

DL: Jason ties an old shirt/piece of cloth (his Star Wars shirt) around his forehead “bandana-style” as part of his “warrior look”

ACT II: Jason tracks bullies to the cabin – falling victim to fear all the way, failing over and over to live up to his own expectations of the “Avenging Hero” – then he has his first chance to kill…

DL: In scenes at cabin, Lucy really pissed at Jack, and he can’t figure out why…

TURNING POINT 2/MID-POINT/END OF ACT 2: Jason can’t make himself kill Vinnie – one of nastiest bullies – peeing in the woods; then a zombie kills Vinnie! Jason freezes, until Hack kills the zombie with Jason’s machete. Zombies are real! Hack realizes what Jason’s doing there… and smiles.

ACT III: Hack brings Jason inside, claims to know nothing of zombies. Jason begs bullies to help him, to survive zombie attack

DL: Jack goes off on Jason’s obsession with monsters (these two seem to know each other VERY well)

TURNING POINT 3/END ACT 3: Zombies invade the house, as Jason’s “mission” is revealed, and he has to confront bullies/make amends, while fleeing to roof to avoid zombies

DL: Lucy: “you were going to kill us?” Jason: “Not YOU! No! I – “ Jack: “Just the rest of us…”

DL: Jack and Jason “have it out” – REVEAL about their past, Jason’s mom’s death and Jack’s abandonment of Jason. (need to figure out Lucy’s role in all this…)

CLIMAX: Jason defeats Hack – who’s turned zombie – and saves Jack and Lucy.

DL: Metaphorically, Jason destroys the baggage/dead weight he’s been carrying around his whole life – proves his dad wrong

RESOLUTION: Jason is the hero at last – and makes friends in the process.

DL: Jack acknowledges Jason’s heroism; a possible re-kindling of friendship. Jason acknowledges Jack and Lucy make a good pair?

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Character Structure

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

What I learned doing this assignment is… the antagonist’s structure is very interesting. I’ve got the protagonist as an “accidental” antagonist for my Antagonist (he gets in Hack’s way – doesn’t do what he’s supposed to). Not sure if this is powerful enough… we will see.

MOVIE: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

HIGH CONCEPT:

A tormented, aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the bullies that were his intended victims, when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

JASON’S 4-ACT STRUCTURE

OPENING: Jason fantasizes being the “hero” (killing Jack, rescuing Lucy); woken/abused by Carl at home; late for work, and abused and mocked there

INCITING INCIDENT: Jason humiliated by Hack and the bullies; fired by boss

TURNING POINT 1/END OF ACT I: Jason’s Dad sides with bullies (“you’ll always be a loser, ‘cause you can’t take what you want”) Jason vows to live out his fantasy and kill his enemies

ACT II: Jason tracks bullies to the cabin – falling victim to fear all the way, failing over and over to live up to his own expectations of the “Avenging Hero” – then he has his first chance to kill…

TURNING POINT 2/MID-POINT/END OF ACT 2: Jason can’t make himself kill Vinnie (peeing in the woods); then a zombie kills him! Jason freezes, until Hack kills the zombie with Jason’s machete. Zombies are real! Hack knows what Jason’s doing there…

ACT III: Hack brings Jason inside, claims to know nothing of zombies. Jason begs bullies to help him, to survive zombie attack

TURNING POINT 3/END ACT 3: Zombies invade the house, as Jason’s “mission” is revealed, and he has to confront bullies/make amends, while fleeing to roof to avoid zombies

CLIMAX: Jason defeats Hack – who’s turned zombie – and saves Jack and Lucy.

RESOLUTION: Jason is the hero at last – and makes friends in the process.

HACK’S 4-ACT STRUCTURE

OPENING: Hack grows up in cousin Jack’s shadow, ignored and belittled by parents.

INCITING INCIDENT: Hack’s parents kill themselves – actually, Hack murdered them. Hack sent to live with Jack.

TURNING POINT 1/END OF ACT I: Jack gets scholarship. Going to leave Hack behind. Nope – not going to happen. Hack looking for way to “end” Jack.

ACT 2: The trip. Hack does all he can to fuck with the group, drive wedges between friends. Jack keeps defending him.

TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT/END OF ACT II: Hack discovers Jason in woods – a “serial killer” in the making? A perfect toy/grenade for Hack to bring into the group. And there are ZOMBIES in the woods. Wonderful.

ACT 3: Zombies are attacking. Hack tries to set Jason up as bad guy – somehow, this is failing. Hack is minimalized – not having influence he wants.

TURNING POINT 3/END OF ACT 3: Hack lets zombies in the house. Decides to become one. (kills a zombie. Takes a bite?)

CLIMAX: Hack/Zombie leads “troops” into house, sending Jack and Jason on to the roof (need better location for finale?). Hack takes revenge on them all!

RESOLUTION: Jason kills Hack.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Supporting Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is… VERY helpful to consider from the start the POINT of each character being in the script. Will obviously need to revisit this…

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

MOVIE: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

HIGH CONCEPT:

A tormented, aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the bullies that were his intended victims, when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS

NOTE: as this is a horror script, I’ve included their “victim role” as well…

#1: NAME: Carl

ROLE: Jason’s Dad

PURPOSE: Abuses and mocks Jason, takes side of the bullies

VALUE: Shows us how isolated and trapped Jason feels; shows why he sees violence as the only solution, and the only way to gain respect and “power”

#2: NAME: Jack – LEADER

ROLE: LEADER of the group

PURPOSE: Jason’s main adversary (he thinks); Lucy’s boyfriend

VALUE: Jason’s “boogeyman” in his dreams, who turns out to be not such a bad guy; makes the thematic point that we all need to look past stereotypes (Jason learns this, and so does Jack)

#3: NAME: Lucy – LOVE INTEREST/MORAL ONE?

ROLE: Jack’s girlfriend; Jason’s love

PURPOSE: The love interest/ultimate goal for Jason

VALUE: Lucy brings Jason back from the edge; also his only defender in the group at first

#4: NAME: Vinnie – MONSTER BAIT

ROLE: Bully by default; new to the group – never did anything to Jason

PURPOSE: Jason’s first attempted victim, taking a piss in the woods/zombies’ first victim

VALUE: Jason, with opportunity to kill, CAN’T do it (lets us keep rooting for him); First victim of Zombies!!

#5: NAME: Astrid – SACRIFICIAL LAMB

ROLE: Lucy’s BFF – none too bright

PURPOSE: First “house victim” of zombies (yanked through window as group laughs at Jason’s claims of zombies)

VALUE: Convinces everyone Jason’s not lying; Major shift in plot – starts the War

#5: NAME: Maggie – REBEL/THE CARRIER

ROLE: Jack’s older sister – housesitting with her obnoxious stoner boyfriend

PURPOSE: Breaks all the rules, letting party get out of control; first to turn zombie (after swimming in toxic lake with cut on leg)

VALUE: Shows Jack’s reasonable side, as they argue; brings battle inside house when she turns zombie

#6: NAME: “Top” – OBNOXIOUS/OUT OF CONTROL

ROLE: Maggie’s long-time boyfriend – total douche, druggie

PURPOSE: Top actually bullies Jack; Hack uses him to sow chaos in group

VALUE: makes group realize just how obnoxious bullying is (Top does to Jack what they’ve all done to Jason)

#7: NAME: Alan – VOICE OF REASON

ROLE: Everyone’s friend; points out bad behavior as he sees it

PURPOSE: Makes group (including himself) confront their own issues; Astrid’s BF

VALUE: The conscience of the group

#8: NAME: Ellen

ROLE: Astrid’s younger sister (by one year) – COMPLAINER

PURPOSE: immediate conflict in the group, as no one wants her there; judges them for their partying

VALUE: Someone EVERYONE’S “okay with dying” – comic relief…?

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Great Character Profiles Part 2!

What I learned doing this assignment was… a reminder of just how key these steps are in turning an IDEA into something real, by turning “characters” into human beings I care about!

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

MOVIE: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

ROLE: Jason (Protagonist)

HIGH CONCEPT:

A tormented, aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the bullies that were his intended victims, when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

CHARACTER JOURNEY:

Jason goes from an angry outcast hell-bent on revenge, to an inspired leader who saves the day.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS:

Going from zero to hero
a serial killer wanna-be as the romantic lead??
Having to hide his earlier intentions as he joins forces – and starts to feel included – with his HS bullies

PROFILE PART 2:

CHARACTER SUBTEXT:

Hiding Something: The fact that he came here to kill them! Also….

Secret: His shame at the way his father treats him – a secret even from himself

INTRIGUE:

Unspoken Wound: His own father thinks the bullies are right – he should be abused. Jason is in a constant battle not to believe that.

Secret Identity: The Avenger! Jason sees himself as setting the universe aright

Hidden Agenda: To win back Viola

FLAW:

Cowardice: Jason has run from confrontation his whole life. The dichotomy between “Dream Jason” (hero/man of action/avenging killer) and “Reality Jason” (who retreats and hides every time)

VALUES:

Strength: Jason sees power as the “cure-all” for his problems. Strength = Dominance (his arc lies in a reassessment of what true strength is)

INTERNAL DILEMMA:

Conquering vs Being Accepted: Jason sees “destroying his enemies” as the only way out – but what he really wants is to be accepted

ROLE: Hack (Antagonist)

CHARACTER JOURNEY:

Hack goes from an outcast hiding “in plain sight” as the “clown” of the group, to a sociopath who embraces his role as a destroyer

ACTOR ATTRACTORS:

Becoming the embodiment of evil
A terrifying glee at chaos and murder

PROFILE PART 2:

CHARACTER SUBTEXT:

Manipulating/Plotting: Hack does what he does in order to create chaos and pain. Then he stands back and drinks it in.

INTRIGUE:

Hidden Agenda/Deception: See “plotting” above for agenda, and he tries to pit friends against each other whenever possible

Secret Identity: An amoral sociopath

Competition: Always trying to come out on top in comparison to Derek

FLAW:

Emotional Emptiness: Since Hack doesn’t understand emotions, he ultimately underestimates the possibility of Jason and Derek joining forces/making amends and working together. This of course leads to

Overconfidence: he sees humans as animals, easy to control and manipulate. We are more than that.

VALUES:

Power/Victory: Coming out on top. Hack wants to conquer – like Jason without a conscience.

INTERNAL DILEMMA:

Dominance vs Abandonment: The more Hack isolates himself, the angrier he gets at his isolation, creating an endless loop of escalating attacks, until he DECIDES to abandon humanity altogether.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Character Profiles – Part 1

What I learned doing this assignment is… just reinforces the importance of this step. This is where my story is starting to come to life in my head. I’m starting to CARE about Jason (and about turning my monster into a REAL monster)!

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

MOVIE: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

ROLE: Jason (Protagonist)

HIGH CONCEPT:

A tormented, aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the bullies that were his intended victims, when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

CHARACTER JOURNEY:

Jason goes from an angry outcast hell-bent on revenge, to an inspired leader who saves the day.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS:

Going from zero to hero
a serial killer wanna-be as the romantic lead??
Having to hide his earlier intentions as he joins forces – and starts to feel included – with his HS bullies

ROLE IN STORY: Protagonist! The tormented outcast who snaps. We know why he’s out for revenge, and we also know there’s no way in hell he can pull this off!

AGE RANGE/DESCRIPTION: HS Senior. Rail thin, unkempt, and just begging to be given a wedgie. That guy.

CHARACTER TRAITS: Angry, desperate, righteous, alone

MOTIVATION:

WANT: Jason wants to get revenge on everyone who’s wronged him, and win back “his girl.”

NEED: Jason needs to stand up for himself, and start believing he’s worthwhile

WOUND (what he can’t face): His father’s abuse. How utterly alone he feels all the time.

LIKEABILITY: Jason tries to do the right thing – even when he’s planning murder, we know where he’s coming from. Jason has the same dream every kid has – to be the hero!

RELATABILITY: He’s abused at home, bullied at work and school. Loses his job. Terrified to go home.

EMPATHY: He is totally alone. Physically and mentally abused. Feels he has no way out.

ROLE: Hack (Antagonist)

CHARACTER JOURNEY:

Hack goes from an outcast hiding “in plain sight” as the “clown” of the group, to a sociopath who embraces his role as a destroyer

ACTOR ATTRACTORS:

Becoming the embodiment of evil
A terrifying glee at chaos and murder

ROLE IN STORY: Antagonist! An inhuman creature, more terrifying than the zombies – who chooses to become undead, because it suits him.

AGE RANGE/DESCRIPTION: HS Senior. Wiry, always lurking. Physically intimidating – mentally, WORSE. Eyes that look at something that isn’t there.

CHARACTER TRAITS: Malicious, devious, cunning, fascinated

MOTIVATION:

WANT: Hack wants to destroy the group, most specifically, his cousin Derek.

NEED: Hack needs emotional strife – he feeds off of it.

WOUND (what he can’t face): “Abandoned” by his parents, who killed themselves, and raised “like a stray” by Derek’s family. Always felt like the “other.”

LIKEABILITY: No.

RELATABILITY: No – this is what makes him so terrifying. We don’t identify Hack as quite human.

EMPATHY: Parents who killed themselves? Abandoned like that? Pretty awful. Understandable, perhaps, how he’s become what he has.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Connection to Characters: Likability/Relatability/Empathy

What I learned doing this assignment is… even with the antagonist, I found some understanding of his motives – even if I don’t use this moment, it’s of value!

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after and utterly fulfilled.

MOVIE: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

ROLE: Jason (Protagonist)

SCENE 1: Jason is wakened by his father punching him in the balls, screaming that he’s late for work. Sees cork-board collection of old photos of Viola, some with Jason when they were young; dad rips photos up, tells him he blew it, and grow the fuck up.

· LIKABILITY: Jason’s totally in love, an endearing trait

· RELATABLE: Who hasn’t been in love? Also, who else has an asshole father? Who hasn’t been bullied?

· EMPATHY: Hard to imagine a more awful dad; not to mention getting punched in the nuts

SCENE 2: Jason chewed out by his boss for being late – tells him he’s on thin ice

· LIKABILITY: Jason takes it, puts up with it; obviously long-suffering

· RELATABLE: Anyone with an asshole boss.

· EMPATHY: Jason’s on the verge of being fired, which would be disastrous at home

SCENE 3: Jason fixes malfunctioning soda machine, without being asked. Waiter ignores his warning about it, and breaks machine again

· LIKABILITY: Jason’s smart! Likes solving puzzles

· RELATABLE: We see Jason trying to do something helpful

· EMPATHY: efforts unknown, unappreciated

SCENE 4: Boss orders Jason to bring food to table with all his bullies. Jason pleads – he’s supposed to bus tables, fix electronics. Tells boss “they don’t really like me.” Boss: “I don’t really like you either. Do it.”

· LIKABILITY: Jason’s honesty is endearing

· RELATABLE: Begging to get out of something; being asked to do something that is NOT your job. Being asked to go into the lion’s den

· EMPATHY: Jason’s about to deal with his worst nightmare

SCENE 5: Jason brings food – tries to put tray down, bully #1 kicks tray over. Bullies tossing spitballs at him. Then HACK yanks his pants AND underwear down – Jason collapses, food all over the place, hot soup in his crotch.

· LIKABILITY: Jason tries to ignore all the taunts and just get it done. Courage.

· RELATABLE: Again, anyone who’s ever been bullied

· EMPATHY: Utter humiliation! Emotional trauma from what’s just happened, and PAIN! (soup in the crotch)

SCENE 6: Bullies blame Jason. Boss fires him. On way out, Jason pulls out wire, cutting off the lights in diner.

· LIKABILITY: Jason using his wits at the end to get a bit of revenge

· RELATABLE: Anyone blamed for something not their fault. Anyone who’s experienced injustice

EMPATHY: Fired because HIS pants got pulled down?? And how’s he going to tell his dad?

ROLE: Hack (Antagonist)

I doubt I’ll use this – Hack’s whole thing is he is terrifyingly UNrelatable, IN-human. But, as an exercise…

SCENE 1: In parking lot after pantsing Jason, Hack is confronted by Derek, who tells him he always goes too far. Argument where we find out Hack is jealous of Derek, who ALWAYS wins, everyone likes him, etc etc. Other bullies file by, telling Hack he went too far (others who were laughing it up inside). Hack left to walk home alone.

· LIKABILITY: A window on Hack’s isolation within the group we thought he was a part of. Ironically, a similar dynamic between Hack and the group, and JASON and the group

· RELATABLE: Were you ever part of a friend group, but always felt just on the outside?

· EMPATHY: Any time your “friends” are two-faced with you, it just sucks.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Character Intrigue

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

What I learned doing this assignment… is the give and take between SUBTEXT and INTRIGUE – I’ve tried too hard to answer “what’s the difference between them?” when it’s really just about how they serve each other! Intrigue helps flesh out the subtext, and give the WHY of it. LOVED THIS!

MOVIE: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

ROLE: Jason (Protagonist)

SECRET: He’s there to kill them!

UNSPOKEN WOUND: He’s been told all his life he deserves to be bullied – because he doesn’t know how to fight. So he sees his choices (metaphorically/literally) as kill or be killed.

SECRET IDENTITY: The Avenger! Jason is there to set the universe aright, and win the girl. An absurd idea in his mind.

How does subtext show up in the movie?

Jason constantly battles what he sees as his role (The Avenger) and his very human frailty. He seems to prove his father right over and over!

· His car breaks down – loser

· Has to lug duffel bag of weapons through the woods (maybe he gets lost?)

· First chance to KILL one of them: VINCE, who’s gone in the woods to take a leak – and Jason freezes! (Does Vince see the hatchet in Jason’s hands? “WTF”?? Then Vince is shot from behind – chest explodes. Civil War zombie bites his neck! Jason flees – dropping his whole bag

· Jason runs smack into Hack – torturing a raccoon – Hack grabs him by the neck

IN THE HOUSE

SECRET

· Jason has to explain why he’s there – Dad has a cabin nearby? (DEREK – there IS no other cabin nearby) – well, I got lost, car broke down

· Zombies attach – no one has weapons. Jason does! Heroic journey outside to retrieve duffel bag. He does? So…. WHY does Jason have all these weapons? SECRET REVEALED

WOUND

· Derek shows kindness at some point – maybe apologizes for the past, confusing Jason (these are the bullies! Right?)

· After secret is blown, confrontation with whole group about bullying – revelation that nothing is black and white

· CLOSING THE WOUND: ACT IV – Jason chooses NOT to fight (the bullies, that is), but work together to survive (this is the journey of Act 3 & 4)

· Jason becomes Hero for real – and:

SECRET IDENTITY

· Jason gets vengeance on Zombie-Hack! (have your cake and eat it too)

ROLE: Hack (Antagonist)

HIDDEN AGENDA: Hack’s goal is to cause chaos – to bask in extreme emotions (anger, fear, betrayal). No loyalty to anyone

How does subtext show up in the movie?

PRE-ZOMBIE

· Hack torments Jason; Hack tells everyone that SHEILA (Vince’s girlfriend) screwed MARC – Fun!

POST-ZOMBIE

· Hack lets a zombie inside, to see what happens

· Hack sips/samples zombie blood (see what that does for me)

COMPETITION: Derek (Hack’s cousin) is ALWAYS the favorite; Hack takes his jealousy and anger at Derek out on anyone he can

How does subtext show up in the movie?

· Making a pass (violent) at Viola? When would that happen?

DECEPTION: Hack secretly works to destroy the group – first emotionally, then literally, by turning zombie

· Early on: one-on-one scenes of Hack spreading rumors, starting fights

· When fighting zombies, stealing weapons? Opening doors, etc

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Character Subtext

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

What I learned doing this assignment: working on subtext for my antagonist ended up informing the subtext of my protagonist! Pretty cool!

EXAMPLE MOVIE:

MOVIE: 21

ROLE: Ben (Protagonist)

SUBTEXT IDENTITY: A poor genius who can’t afford med school

SUBTEXT TRAITS: undercover, secretive, liar

SUBTEXT LOG LINE: Ben is a poor genius who begins a double-life counting cards in Vegas to earn money for med school

AREAS FOR SUBTEXT:

Ben quits his job and lies to his friends, lies to his mother; he turns down her money for med school, saying he’s won the scholarship when he hasn’t (yet); he blows off the 2.09 competition, abandoning his friends (can’t say why); he attends classes at MIT, focusing instead on card-counting; he adopts fake personas in Vegas, seduced by the money, he starts to become what he’s been pretending to be (rich playboy); caught and destroyed, he lures Mickey into being the other “big player” for one last take, conning him the whole time

MY MOVIE:

MOVIE: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

ROLE: Jason (Protagonist)

CHARACTER TRAITS: It’s like I am a…. righteous, angry, desperate, alone, hiding nobody

SUBTEXT IDENTITY: a bulli­ed nobody who plots to kill his tormentors

SUBTEXT TRAITS: hiding, suspicious (paranoid)

SUBTEXT LOG LINE: Jason is a bullied, aspiring serial killer who has to join with his intended victims to fight off a hoard of zombies

AREAS FOR SUBTEXT:

ACT I:
scene at home with dad: dad mocks him for being a wimp, a loser – we’ve just seen his fantasy of killing (maybe dad should be more careful?)
diner scene: we know Jason wants to kill these kids, as he serves them food;
Jason tracks them to the cabin – not knowing zombies are tracking him

ACT II:
Jason discovered in the woods – mocked, taunted (they have NO idea why he’s there)
Jason asks for help, has to convince them there are zombies – has to lie about why he’s there
Jason mocked by everyone – will this set him off?

ACT III:
Jason “comes clean” – somehow has to get Viola to fall for him/forgive him;
Numerous opportunities to let bullies die: does he save them, or abandon them?

ACT IV:
Jason fights Hack (really battling his abusive father)
Jason has to decide whether to help Derek, and forget the past

ROLE: Hack (Antagonist)

SUBTEXT IDENTITY: a “popular kid” who is really a sociopath

SUBTEXT TRAITS: deceitful, manipulative, amoral

SUBTEXT LOG LINE: Hack is the “wild one” of the popular crowd, who hides his desire to cause pain and conflict whenever he can – jealous of Derek’s “nice-guy” popularity

AREAS FOR SUBTEXT:

ACT I:
pantsing Jason – then standing back and watching the chaos
scolded by Derek, he shuts down, hiding his mind
pushing “friend” into open grave in Civil War graveyard, watching friend struggle like a bug

ACT II:
Goes to “take a leak” in woods – tortures a raccoon with sharp stick
discovers Jason (Jason sees what he was doing, ONLY one who knows just how fucked up Hack is), “invites” him in
reveals secrets of friends in group, to cause conflict – stands back and watches

ACT III:
lets a zombie in through the basement to “play with” it (flashback to raccoon)
respects the zombies (single-minded, immune to pain)
tastes some zombie blood? (see what its like on the other side)

ACT IV:
Hack turns zombie – doesn’t change much!
True nature revealed; Hack finally “comes clean” himself, leading zombie attack

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Actor Attractors!

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I choose. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

What I learned doing this assignment is… a reminder that part of the work (sometimes the most valuable) can be just typing in questions I have for myself. Not worrying about contradicting myself. In the midst of some great breakthroughs with my Antagonist, I think!

MOVIE: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

ROLE: Jason (Protagonist)

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

A true zero to hero journey! And from homicidal to heroic – essentially the Antagonist becoming the Protagonist. Also, Jason will have a great self-deprecating sense of humor, and will have the audience on his side because of the abuse he’s taken.

What about this character makes them one of the most in­teresting in the story?

That zero to hero journey. Also, the most bumbling “serial-killer-wanna-be” in history.

What are the most interesting actions this Lead takes in the script?

His opening “hero fantasy” (Serial Killer as romantic lead, saving/getting the girl). The awful scenario of having to run to the bullies he wanted to kill, for protection.
The CONFRONTATION, when the truth comes out
Standing up for himself, taking charge and saving the day!

How is the role introduced in a way that sells it to an actor?

The juxtaposition of his “hero dream” with his reality (dad waking him up with a punch in the balls: “late for work”) – instant sympathy for homicidal tendencies

What is the character’s emotional range?

From depressed, bitter, outcast; to furious, to terrified, to finally taking charge and showing true courage.

What subtext can the actor play?

The whole time he’s in the house with the bullies, we KNOW what he was there for. As he is mocked for being a wimp, the irony is not lost on Jason (or us) at all. Also, everything he does is out of love for VIOLA. Real rage is towards his father.

What are the most interesting relationships the character has?

Need to have a history with Viola, I think. Does Jason feel betrayed by her, for making new friends? (were they grade-school friends?) The dynamic with HACK needs to be powerful as well (is Jason the only one/first one to see what a true psychopath he is? Reminds him of his dad in some way? And Hack KNOWS Jason knows, and enjoys taunting him behind everyone’s back.

How is this character’s unique voice presented?

That opening dream, showing us his deepest desires. Could there be running daydreams throughout? Might be too campy… For sure though, Jason fetishizes/romanticizes Jason/Freddy/Michael Myers… (maybe Dexter?) – these are men of action and power!

What makes this character special and unique?

A serial killer terrified of the dark. And finding a way to overcome a lifetime of hatred/paranoia (everyone’s out to get him). KEY THEME THERE

ROLE: Hack (Antagonist)

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

The ultimate bully – one without conscience. A true sociopath, who LOVES to see emotion of any kind. Fascinated by it, as he has none himself.

What about this character makes them one of the most in­teresting in the story?

That “true evil” hiding in the midst of mundane “jerks”. Always grinning, never laughing. MENACE. The “zany” one everyone’s just a bit afraid of…

What are the most interesting actions this Lead takes in the script?

Pantsing Jason – then standing back, grinning, watching the chaos. Just… OFF. Similar actions towards his “friends” (pushing one in the empty grave in the cemetery). DECIDING to get “infected” by the zombies, to see what that’s like. Maintaining his personality, making him a truly terrifying “leader” of the undead.

How is the role introduced in a way that sells it to an actor?

The creator of Jason’s ultimate humiliation/breaking point. Something inhuman, unnoticed by others (does he know to “fake it” with them?)

What is the character’s emotional range?

Dead-eyed amusement. Boredom. Glee, as emotions run high. Blood-lust. Cunning. Like a boy burning ants with a magnifying glass, or loosing a swarm of bees in a closed room and watching through the window…

What subtext can the actor play?

He watches his “friends” like an alien playing with lower life forms. Pretend remorse; taunting Jason to increase his paranoia. Jealousy over Derek’s popularity (maybe that’s his one human trait/flaw – his cousin ALWAYS was the favorite)

What are the most interesting relationships the character has?

The jealousy towards Derek, who always makes excuses for him. Maybe some lust towards Viola (about violence and power, not sex). Jason is the ultimate play-toy for him – he makes sure to prod him when no one else can see. The standoff between the two of them will be a surrogate for Jason standing up to his father.

How is this character’s unique voice presented?

He lurks. He LUNGES into action, with no warning. That GRIN. Those eyes. Standing back, watching. Like a body-snatched person, aping the emotions he’s “supposed” to feel. “JK” – the bully’s mantra, I didn’t mean it bullshit.

What makes this character special and unique?

What kind of a guy would be scarier than ZOMBIES?? The dramatic version of Sean from “Sean of the Dead” (i.e., already the walking dead, but no one knows). Becoming a zombie is the truest expression of his soul.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Actor Attractors – “21”

Vision: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

What I learned doing this assignment is: just how powerful a clear, and clearly stated, goal and obstacle can be.

MOVIE: 21

ROLE: Ben (Protagonist)

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Get to play a genius, and go from social misfit to stylish, in command “player”

What about this character makes them one of the most in­teresting in the story?

Ben is smarter than ANYONE – and is pure and good… and corruptible. We know WHY he does everything he does, and see the box he’s trapped in.

What are the most interesting actions this Lead takes in the script?

Becoming the “Big Player”; coming up with ideas that impress Mickey; taking OVER the team from Mickey; executing the final con

How was the role introduced in a way that sold it to an actor?

Through VO, we see Ben’s brilliance, pulling a con – it shows the danger he’s in in the flash forward, then the desperation he has in the opening interview: this socially inept, straight-A student has to “dazzle” with life experience to win the scholarship he needs to go to Med School – and, ironically, because he’s dedicated his life to going to med school, he HAS no life experience

What is the character’s emotional range?

From innocent and pure, and pessimistic, to arrogant and confident, to desperate and destroyed – and back again

What subtext did the actor play?

Once he joins the team, Ben leads a double-life; suddenly, all his classes at MIT are besides the point – VEGAS is where it’s at! And in Vegas, of course, he is playing a role all the time. He’s also deeply in love with Jill Taylor, and all the early scenes with her convey that. Without a father, Mickey is a father-figure to Ben initially. And the whole last act, he’s putting on a show for Mickey (and the audience), as he works to betray him.

What are the most interesting relationships the character has?

The love/hate dynamic with Mickey: a man who “sees himself” in Ben (and may actually care for him/see him as a surrogate son) – but is also threatened by Ben, and uses his position of power to destroy him when he oversteps. Ben is proud to have Mickey’s approval, but stands up for himself, creating the final “duel of wits” that plays out at the end.

How was this character’s unique voice presented?

Seeing Ben’s effortless ability with Math (adding up clothing items in his store, besting everyone on the team from the start, solving the problem of cashing in chips when the casino is on to them); also, his dilemma, and desperation, is presented right from the start (“some kids dream of playing baseball, or… being a fireman. I always dreamed of going to Harvard Med.”)

What made this character special and unique?

The smartest guy at MIT – by a long shot. Maintains his “goodness” – the real battle of the film for Ben – and makes up for his lies and deceit in the end.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Genre Conventions

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. I am in control relaxed, and utterly content – and constantly searching for the next world to create. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

Concept: An aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the high school bullies meant to be his victims, when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

HORROR GENRE CONVENTIONS:

PURPOSE: To create the experience of horror – taking characters to point of hysteria

ISOLATION: Setting and situation where characters are alone, powerless against monster

DEATH: Threaten characters with awful, violent and torturous deaths. Fear of death or insanity.

MONSTER/VILLAIN: Person or entity that will inflict endless terror and violence

HIGH TENSION: Characters in sinister situations that are out of their control; turn up heat to point of hysteria!

DEPARTURE FROM REALITY: Extreme locations, situations, outside of daily life.

MORAL STATEMENT: Social message about acceptable values, what lines not to cross. Violate these values, you are punished.

ACT I: Set Up and See Old Ways

OPENING: Jason’s Dream: high school couple (DEREK & VIOLA) chased through woods by a masked killer. Derek abandons Viola, runs up hill – stabbed to death! Killer approaches Viola, helps her to her feet: it’s Jason! She’s VIOLA, his love – and now she’s his!

Jason wakes – he’s a loser, late for work.

INCITING INCIDENT: Jason works in diner kitchen, fixing electronics. Forced to bring food to Derek and his cronies (incl. Viola) – Jason is “pantsed” by HACK – lead bully/psycho. Mocked, covered in food, humiliated.

TURNING POINT: After abusive father mocks him for “dreaming” instead of taking action (“I’da pantsed you too”), Jason vows to live out his fantasies! Packs duffel with weapons: flail, baseball bat, his father’s gun (forgetting the bullets), etc, heads out to follow bullies to cabin in woods.

ACT II: Challenge the Old Ways

REACTION: Jason follows car into woods, envisioning various deaths/winning over Viola.

Bullies go through Civil War graveyard – muddy from previous night’s rain. Grave is empty! Derek: “graverobbers – happens all the time.”

PLAN: Jason’s car breaks down, has to trudge through woods to get there. Hurts himself on weapons. Has chance to kill Hack in the woods – chickens out.

Jason is a failure – as usual. Hears his father’s voice, mocking him.

As Jason leaves graveyard, Earth punches outward, something pushing from underneath…

TURNING POINT 2/MID-POINT/MIND-FUCK: Jason comes face to face with bully outside cabin – drops weapon from surprise. Bully mocks him – then his chest explodes! Civil War soldier jumps on the bully and rips neck out with teeth. Zombies! Jason flees to the cabin, leaving duffel bag behind. Panicked searching for an open door.

ACT III: Profound Moments that Give Us New Ways

RETHINK: Hack finds Jason – “this’ll be fun!” Jason is pulled inside – obviously a “peeping Tom”. He has to convince them there are zombies. More mockery – until someone is killed. Find a way to work with these assholes.

NEW PLAN: Surrounded by Civil War zombies. Searching house for weapons. Not much (footballs? Lacrosse sticks?). Infected house members turn – zombies IN the house! Jason remembers his weapons – has to journey to woods.

TURNING POINT/”ALL IS LOST”: Jason gets his duffel bag of weapons from woods – everyone discovers Jason was there to kill them. Attacked by LOUISE (infected by swimming in lake around house) Hack is bitten, and runs outside –

ACT IV: Test the Change in Character: PROVE New Ways!

FINAL PLAN: The survivors and Jason have it out about bullying/Jason’s own issues – bullies realize they’ve been assholes, Jason realizes he “may have overreacted” – pool their minds to come up with a final plan

Zombies break in through basement, led by Hack (his house/knows all the ways in and out). Survivors (Jason, Derek, Viola and _____) forced onto roof! Jason in face-to-face battle with Hack.

CLIMAX: Jason uses his special skills (electronics?) to lure zombies away from house so others can escape. Jason decapitates Hack (uses his flail? Something?)

RESOLUTION: Jason victorious – wins love of Viola? Or her cousin?

FINAL SHOT: Poisoned water from nearby military compound (cause of the zombies) runs down the mountainside, into a sewer….?

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. I am in control, relaxed and utterly content – and constantly searching for the next world to create. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled!

Concept: An aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the high school bullies meant to be his victims, when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

CHARACTER: Jason (Protagonist)

ARC BEGINNING: A timid, bitter, wanna-be killer

ARC ENDING: A courageous hero who saves the day! (and makes friends!)

OLD WAYS:
hides out and fantasizes (avoids reality)
broods
bullied and frightened of everyone
never stands up for himself

NEW WAYS:
confronts reality
hopeful and optimistic for the future
takes action despite his fears
stands up for himself, and everyone else

EXTERNAL JOURNEY: From a sad-sack loser, to a hero everyone relies on to find a way to beat the zombies and save the day

INTERNAL JOURNEY: From timid and bitter to courageous and hopeful

4 ACT STRUCTURE:

ACT I: Set Up and See Old Ways

OPENING: Jason’s Dream: high school couple (DEREK & VIOLA) chased through woods by a masked killer. Derek abandons Viola, runs up hill – stabbed to death! Killer approaches Viola, helps her to her feet: it’s Jason! She’s VIOLA, his love – and now she’s his!

Jason wakes – he’s a loser, late for work.

INCITING INCIDENT: Jason works in diner kitchen, fixing electronics. Forced to bring food to Derek and his cronies (incl. Viola) – Jason is “pantsed” by HACK – lead bully/psycho. Mocked, covered in food, humiliated.

TURNING POINT: After abusive father mocks him for “dreaming” instead of taking action, Jason vows to live out his fantasies! Packs duffel with weapons: flail, baseball bat, his father’s gun (forgetting the bullets), etc, heads out to follow bullies to cabin in woods.

ACT II: Challenge the Old Ways

REACTION: Jason follows car into woods, envisioning various deaths/winning over Viola.

PLAN: Jason’s car breaks down, has to trudge through woods to get there. Hurts himself on weapons. Has chance to kill Hack in the woods – chickens out.

Jason is a failure – as usual. Hears his father’s voice, mocking him.

TURNING POINT 2/MID-POINT/MIND-FUCK: Jason attacked by zombies in the woods! Flees to the cabin, leaving duffel bag behind. Has to beg to be taken inside.

ACT III: Profound Moments that Give Us New Ways

RETHINK: Hack lets Jason in – “this’ll be fun!” Jason has to convince them there are zombies. More mockery – until someone is killed. Find a way to work with these assholes.

NEW PLAN: Surrounded by Civil War zombies. Searching house for weapons. Not much (footballs? Lacrosse sticks?). Infected house members turn – zombies IN the house!

TURNING POINT/”ALL IS LOST”: Jason gets his duffel bag of weapons from woods – everyone discovers Jason was there to kill them. Hack is infected, and runs outside – now leading Zombies (and he knows all the ways into the house!)

ACT IV: Test the Change in Character: PROVE New Ways!

FINAL PLAN: The survivors and Jason have it out about bullying/Jason’s own issues – bullies realize they’ve been assholes, Jason realizes he “may have overreacted” – pool their minds to come up with a final plan

CLIMAX: Jason uses his special skills (electronics?) to lure Hack (now zombie leader) and zombies away from house so others can escape. Jason decapitates Hack (uses his flail? Something?)

RESOLUTION: Jason victorious – wins love of Viola? Or her cousin?

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Subtext Plot

VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. I am in control, relaxed and utterly content – and constantly searching for the next world to create. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, SOUGHT AFTER, and completely fulfilled.

What I learned doing this assignment is… I need to know if there is such a thing as TOO MANY subtext subplots (I’ve got three, don’t see a way around it).

CONCEPT: An aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the high school bullies meant to be his victims, when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

SUBTEXT PLOT #1: Someone Hides Who They Are

JASON (Protagonist) – when he has to flee the zombies (he’s in the woods trying to work up the courage to “attack” the kids in the house), he has to beg to be let in to the cabin. From then on, he’s hiding why he was there in the first place, concocting some idiotic excuse – suffering more abuse/ridicule in the process. When he remembers the weapons he brought (left in the woods in a panic), he gets them – which begs the question: WTF, man? Shit hits the fan! (thinking of this as Act 2 TP)

HACK (Antagonist) – the guy who pulled Jason’s pants down at start of film; wild card, jackass of the group – turns out to be something scarier: a REAL sociopath, who’ll do literally anything he finds “entertaining” (and what he finds entertaining is eliciting strong emotion of ANY kind from people); he becomes the true bogeyman – and when he turns into a zombie, he’s the scariest one of all.

SUBTEXT PLOT #2: The Fish Out of Water

JASON – he does NOT fit with these jocks. He thinks they’re bullies and idiots (some of them are). They think he’s a total geek, AND a psycho. Jason needs to get over his own preconceived notions about these “dumb jocks” to work with them to survive. UNDER THE SURFACE: This is really about Jason learning to enter/interact with society in a positive way – a skill he completely lacks at the start.

SUBTEXT PLOT #3: Superior Position

WE have known all along what Jason was there to do. We’ve also seen that DEREK (the lead jock, dating the girl Jason’s in love with) is NOT the total asshole Jason thinks. All the dialogue/assumptions these two have about each other create tension and humor due to our foreknowledge.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Transformational Journey

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. I am in control, relaxed, and utterly content – and constantly searching for the next world to create. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

What I learned doing this assignment was … how to relax back into the creative mode (it’s been a little while)

CONCEPT: An aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the high school bullies meant to be his victims, when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES<div>

CHARACTER: Jason (Protagonist)

ARC BEGINNING: A timid, bitter, wanna-be killer

ARC ENDING: A courageous hero who saves the day! (and makes friends!)

INTERNAL JOURNEY: From timid and bitter to courageous and hopeful

EXTERNAL JOURNEY: From a sad-sack loser, to a hero everyone relies on to find a way to beat the zombies and save the day

OLD WAYS:
hides out and fantasizes (avoids reality)
broods
bullied and frightened of everyone
never stands up for himself

NEW WAYS:
confronts reality
hopeful and optimistic for the future
takes action despite his fears
stands up for himself, and everyone else

</div>

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Intentional Lead Characters

What I learned doing this assignment was… even ZOMBIES can have a log line, and be unique (in fact, they’d BETTER be, with the glut of zombie movies out there!)

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please, because success is all around me. I am in control, relaxed, and utterly content – and constantly searching (happily so) for the next world to create. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, and utterly fulfilled.

CONCEPT: An aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the high school bullies meant to be his victims, when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

TITLE: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

CHARACTER 1: Jason (Protagonist)

LOG LINE: A kind-hearted, ostracized high-schooler desperate for revenge – and utterly unequipped to commit murder.

UNIQUE: He fetishizes horror-movie killers, but doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. Out for revenge to impress the girl next door (who’s at the party).

CHARACTER 2: The Zombies (Antagonist)

LOG LINE: Bodies of Civil-War soldiers (and their wives/children), determined to convene at the cabin that was the temporary headquarters of their general (the cabin the kids are partying in).

UNIQUE (a work in progress!): They’re still trying to win the war! (do they have a sense of honor? Are they “polite”? Genteel? Also! Located right on the Mason-Dixon line at southern edge of Pennsylvania, both Union AND Confederate graveyards are nearby – and they end up fighting each other!

[Bobby Sacher]

Here’s TAKE TWO on my Intentional Lead Characters – with a NEW Antagonist:

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please, because success is all around me. I am in control, relaxed, and utterly content – and constantly searching for the next world to create. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

An aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the high school bullies meant to be his victims, when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard..

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

CHARACTER: Jason (Protagonist)

LOG LINE: A kind-hearted, ostracized high-schooler desperate for revenge – and utterly unequipped to commit murder.

UNIQUE: He fetishizes horror-movie killers, but doesn’t have a mean bone in his body

CHARACTER: Toby (NEW Antagonist)

LOG LINE: A sociopathic, envious teen, jealous of his best friend’s popularity, who will do anything to get attention,

UNIQUE: Toby frightens even his friends a little, and truly doesn’t understand empathy. Enjoys causing friction, just to see the “upturned ant-hill” he’s caused. Turns into a zombie at the end, and no one notices at first.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Title, Concept and Character Structure!

VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please, because success is all around me. I am in control, relaxed, and utterly content – and constantly searching (happily so) for the next world to create. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, and utterly fulfilled

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Concept: An aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the high school bullies meant to be his victims, when the cabin they’re partying in is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

Character Structure: PROTAGONIST VS ANTAGONIST

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Bobby Sacher.

[Bobby Sacher]

Hey everyone – Bobby Sacher here. I’ve written 7 (?) feature scripts, plus one paid page-one rewrite, and one script based on a producer’s treatment; that one’s currently optioned.

My goal here is, as always, to come out with another script – one that finally lands me a manager, something I am ready for, and think I’ve got the scripts for. And of course, to keep getting better as a writer.

I’m a 7th grade ELA teacher (at the moment, can’t wait to earn enough/be in a position to quit, and JUST write), father of 3 boys and about to be a (sort-of) empty-nester. “Writer of the supernatural, the sub-natural, and the simply strange” – which translates to mostly horror-comedy, where I tend to get my kicks.

Can’t wait to get started!

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby Sacher

I agree to the terms of the release form

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Bobby Sacher]

Sounds like a ball, Jane! Can’t wait to read it

Bobby

[Bobby Sacher]

Jane,

Sounds great! And don’t worry about wonky – is what it is at this point, right? I’ll send you my pdf now (a bit long – no idea how to get a full outline with beginning/middle/end of each scene into 5 pages or so, at least not using Final Draft format!)

Bobby

[Bobby Sacher]

Oh God I love this, Kevin! Soooo much opportunity to poke fun at, well, everyone! (Have you seen THE HUNT? If not, definitely worth checking out – does a great job of mocking the “woke left”, while not excusing the hard-core conservative right either!)

[Bobby Sacher]

Kevin – sounds great, and I LOVE the title. In terms of the wording of the concept, be careful though: because it’s a true story, that can short-circuit the process of designing a truly compelling High Concept! Can you get more specific about the protagonist (think of him as “fictional” for a bit) – how old? What KIND of a kid? What were his dreams? Why did he turn to … alcohol? You’ve given a great CATEGORY for this kind of story. Get more specific, if you can?

[Bobby Sacher]

Great concept, Robert! Makes me think of MARRIED TO THE MOB – tons of opportunity for absurdity here!

[Bobby Sacher]

Love this concept, Robert! Imagining one gangster haunting another sounds hysterical! Good luck with it!

[Bobby Sacher]

Glad to hear you’re a Civil War buff! I may lean on you for some trivia, starting with:

What state(s) is/are most likely to have both UNION and CONFEDERATE cemeteries nearby? Guess I’m looking for those states split during the war? (Pennsylvania, I think? Maryland?)

[Bobby Sacher]

Intriguing stuff here, Lauren! Dying to know what happens to that Pandora Box full of phobias (assume it gets opened/unleashed at some point? THEN what?)

Curious if you’re going for comedy or drama/horror here? Could go either way, which is fun!

[Bobby Sacher]

Thanks, Kristin – that literally just came out of thin air as I was typing. No idea how that’ll play out, but great to get a laugh!!

[Bobby Sacher]

Hey Kevin! Great to be in class with you again!

This sounds like a powerful story! Can’t wait to see more…

A thought: who IS the Antagonist? Is there one? A tricky thing, I imagine, with a story like this (can Evan be his OWN Antagonist? Not sure… a question for Hal, I’d say!) – but I’d work to find one (could be the buddy/dealer/drinking partner who keeps pulling him back in, maybe?)

Bobby

[Bobby Sacher]

Love the concept Lori – maybe it’s just me, but I can easily see this as a HORROR/Comedy!

[Bobby Sacher]

Kevin! So great to hear from you! Been awhile – looking forward to some great back-and-forth!