Bradford Hicks
Forum Replies Created
-
Brad’s comments on Talladega Nights:
Seeing the comedic scenes broken down like that was super helpful — and humbling. It made me realize just how dense and consistent the comedic elements need to be to carry a screenplay from start to finish. I’m inspired!
-
Brad’s Action/Props
What I learned from this assignment is that it can be helpful to think of all the props you may be able to employ in a comedic scene before deciding how that scene will unfold.
Main area of incongruence: An astronaut is about to blast off with two guys who know nothing about being an astronaut, one of whom wants to sabotage the mission, and the other who just lives to get high. I would categorize this is Forced Union of Incompatibles, but the comedic moments are really more Misinterpretation. So maybe it’s Misinterpretation caused by the Forced Union. 🙂
Props:
Helmets, Gloves, Spacesuit, Oxygen hoses, Joint/weed, control panel/associated switches & buttons, abort handle, manual
Swift, Dan and Dirk are harnessed in, Swift in the center seat. Dirk tries to convince him they’re not astronauts.
Dirk We’re not supposed to be here. Swift: I know. Shame about Spreckles and Hampton.
Dirk: We’re not astronauts. Swift: That’s what I kept telling them; they wouldn’t listen.
Dirk: We just wanted to get high. Swift: We’ll be a hundred miles high in no time.
Dirk: No “high” high. Swift: Any higher than that, we’re on our way to the moon.
Dirk tries rolling a joint with astronaut gloves. He uses the flight manual like an album cover to sort the stems and seeds. Dan rehearses turning the abort handle with his bulky glove.
Dirk tries to lick the joint but forgets he has a helmet on. It crashes into his helmet and weed flies everywhere. Swift looks quickly at Dirk; they crash helmets. Swift realizes they’re not astronauts.
Dan goes to turn the abort handle; Swift dives to stop him; the three of them are a tangled fighting mess: Dirk on top of Swift; Swift on top of Dan. Dan can’t reach the abort handle or the control panel.
Dan: Hit some buttons. Dirk: It’s a zipper.
As they fight for control of the abort handle and the countdown is in the final 30 seconds there are 3 cutaways to people who are oblivious to the stir fry of astronaut arms and legs flailing about in the command module.
Carolyn (Swift’s wife) with the wives of the two astronauts who got pulled watching the countdown on TV: “Tom and Ace should in there.”
Spectator: Such brave men.
Launch Control Director: Apollo, you are looking good.
-
Brad’s Topper Outline
What I learned from this assignment is the comedic value of stacking toppers, and how difficult that can be when the ideas don’t come organically.
Swift, Dan and Dirk are harnessed in, Swift in the center seat. Dirk tries to convince him they’re not astronauts.
Dirk tries rolling a joint with astronaut gloves.
Dan rehearses turning the abort handle.
Dirk tries to lick the joint but forgets he has a helmet on. It crashes into his helmet and weed flies everywhere. Swift realizes they’re not astronauts.
Dan goes to turn the abort handle; Swift dives to stop him; the three of them are a tangled fighting mess when the rocket lifts off.
FUNNY MOMENTS:
– Dirk tries to convince Swift they’re not astronauts
Dirk tries to roll and joint with astronaut gloves
Dirk tries to smoke the joint with his helmet on
Dan tries to turn the abort handle to stop lift off and Swift tries to stop him.
They launch a tumbled fighting messFUNNY LINES:
Dirk We’re not supposed to be here. Swift: I know. Shame about Spreckles and Hampton.
Dirk: We’re not astronauts. Swift: That’s what I kept telling them; they wouldn’t listen.
Dirk: We just wanted to get high. Swift: We’ll be a hundred miles high in no time.
Dirk: No “high” high. Swift: Any higher than that, we’re on our way to the moon.
Dan: Hit some buttons. Dirk: It’s a zipper.
Swift’s wife to Spreckles and Hampton wives: Tom and Ace should be in there.
Spectator: Such brave men.
Launch Control: Looking good.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Bradford Hicks.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
-
Brad’s Comedy Brainstorm Session
What I learned from this assignment is time spent throwing anything and everything against the wall can help not just deciding the best comedic option for a scene or line, but can even redirect an entire sequence of scenes.
COMEDY SITUATION:
Forced union of incompatibles
COMEDY CHARACTERS AND THEIR LOGLINES:
Swift Rushmore: A veteran astronaut who is one nerve away from a breakdown
Dan Donaldson: An anti-American agitator who actually hates himself, not his country
Dirk Donaldson: A simple, good-natured, pot-smoking guy with dyslexia who has a knack for asking simple questions that probe and expose the secret depths of people’s emotions.
POSSIBLE FUNNY MOMENTS:
Swift just found out he’s about to blast off to the moon with these two buffoons and not real astronauts.
Dan thinks he can sabotage the entire mission by turning the abort handle at the last moment before liftoff.
Dirk figures now, while they’re waiting to blast off, is a good time to roll a joint and get high.
OUTLINE:
The three of them are strapped into the command module. Swift doesn’t yet realize Dan and Dirk are not real astronauts. Dan rehearses turning the abort handle. Dirk clumsily starts rolling a joint with his astronaut gloves. Mission Control needs to Dirk and Dan to run pre-launch checks but they have no idea how to do that.
-
Brad’s outline v. 1
“WEDDED REVENGE”
LOGLINE: Newlyweds become serial killers to avenge the crime that cost them their honeymoon.
1. OPENING IMAGE: Alternate between Carlos at his bachelor party swinging and breaking open a piñata, and Aliyah at her bachelorette party having fun with her friend tossing hatchets at an axe bar. There is a level of incongruity between the celebratory fun, and the violent sounds of the bat hitting the piñata and axes hitting the target.
2. Wedding: They get married; we learn they’re both teachers with the summer off, and that they’ll be flying to Amsterdam to catch a Baltic cruise for their honeymoon.
3. CATALYST: Upon arrival in Amsterdam, while boarding a train at the airport, a stealthy thief lifts one of their carry-ons with all Aliyah’s documents, credit cards, etc. They notice the bag is gone just as the thief steps off the train, but they get a good look at him. The only other person on the train, a guy buried in red shopping bags and rambling nonsense, is no help.
4. They run into all sorts of hassles trying to get a new passport and credit cards. As a result they miss their cruise. But Aliyah remembers she gave Carlos a Tile tracking device and it’s on his keys in his bag. The app shows the bag is in a small town outside Amsterdam.
5. In the town, they see a woman wearing one of Aliyah’s shirts. They follow and are led to the thief at a cafe. He runs, they chase, and ultimately the guy rounds a corner and gets killed by a truck. The Tile shows the bag has been dumped in a canal.
BREAK INTO ACT II. (They are now hunters)
6. They realize they didn’t mind seeing the guy who ruined their honeymoon get smushed, and while waiting for the consulate to get the passport situation resolved, decide to look for the man with the bags. (They realize now he was part of the theft; he was the Distractor.)
7. After searching many trains and eventually find him. Their intent is to beat him up. But the fight gets out of hand, Carlos and the man end up rolling out the door of the moving train; Aliyah jumps. The struggle ends up between the train tracks as another train flies by over them. Carlos forces the guy’s arm out and it is severed by the train. The guy dies.
8. Realizing they kinda liked that revenge feeling, they buy a metal pipe, fill it with nails, and a hand axe and begin stalking pickpockets and dippers, following them to areas where no one is watching, and killing them. (Carlos hits them with the pipe and Aliyah cuts of their hands with the axe.)
9. Their reign of terror is going along swimmingly well – with a few close calls of course – until they follow a female pickpocket. When they have her where they want her, Carlos freezes. He just can’t get himself to kill a woman. Aliyah and the woman end up in a knife vs axe fight and ultimately the woman gets away.
MID-POINT. (They are now the hunted)
10. The woman is able to report to her gang leader, Omor Net, what happened and give a description. Omor Net first believes the killers must be Moroccans from a rival pickpocket gang and a gang war ensues with Carlos and Aliyah caught in the middle. Ultimately, Omor realizes his mistake, makes amends by offering the Moroccans some of his underage girls, and the leaders of the two gangs place a wager on Carlos and Aliyah’s heads.
11. The Moroccans come close to catching them but they escape. They do not, however, escape Omor Net and his Romanian gang. Captive and facing certain death, they’re saved by a young girl who’s part of Omor’s sex trafficking ring, who slides them a knife to escape.
12. After escaping, they realize they have to go back to save the girl, which they do. They help her return to her native Romania.
BREAK INTO ACT III
13. Omor Net is able to track Carlos and Aliyah to Bucharest. Now he has them on his native turf. They are unaware he has people following them. They return the girl home.
14. They board a Danube cruise to at least get some of the honeymoon experience. Omor Net and his assassins board the boat and this leads to the final showdown. Carlos and Aliyah kill Omor by shoving him off the boat and he’s chewed up by the propellors.
EPILOGUE:
15. Fast forward 6 months; they finally get their honeymoon – a winter trip to the Caribbean. But they can’t check in to their hotel — their identification has been stolen,
CLOSING IMAGE:
They share a knowing look (and the stage is set for a possible sequel.)
-
Brad’s punchlines
What I learned from this assignment is the value of running a scene through the 10 point punchline generator.
EXT. CAPE KENNEDY (VIP VIEWING BLEACHERS) – DAY
The VIP bleachers are full, except for two empty spaces next to Martha. She discreetly looks around for the missing duo.
P.A. ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
T-minus one minute.
Smitten with the moment, a VIP WOMAN next to Martha leans in.
VIP WOMAN
Such brave men.
INT. COMMAND MODULE – CONTINUOUS
Swift frees his right arm and lands across Dan’s lap. It’s a battle of gloved astronaut hands for the handle…
…Dirk piles on. He tries to pull Swift off Dan…
SMACK
…Helmets collide. Dirk might even tear Swift’s spacesuit.
DIRK
We’re Don… Donaldson’s… kids.
The struggle stops.
SWIFT
You’re Donaldson’s –?
DAN
— Yeah.
DIRK
Uh-huh.
(Beat)
SWIFT
Well, you’re going to the moon!
And just as quickly as it stopped, the battle is back on…
…Dan is pinned in his seat by the two bodies on top of him…
…Swift has both hands on the abort handle and protects it with his life…
…Dirk, on top of Swift pulls at the back of his spacesuit…
…Dan points to the control panel.
DAN
Punch some buttons!
—————————————————————
DIRK
Absurd Request: No, give him a wedgie.
Comparison: Punch like “Punch!”? Or do you mean more like a gentle, precise tap?
Exaggeration: Why don’t I just punch him in the head?
Insult: I should punch you for getting us into this mess.
Metaphor: How about a nice Hawaiian Punch?
Misinterpretation: It’s a zipper.
Parody: To punch or not to punch? Wasn’t that Shake-some-beer?
Rename: Who are you, Super Dan?
Reversal: Says the guy who protests violence.
Understatement: Or I could just press them gently.
I like misinterpretation best as the punchline of this scene.
-
Brad’s character’s intro
What I learned from this assignment is to develop a log line for your comedic characters; then make sure the comedic scenes live up to that log line.
DOT WINKERSTADT is a small town museum director who is oblivious to the town’s checkered past.
EXT. MUSEUM – DAY
The two story Victorian house looks pleasant enough. An addition has been added to one side that more or less matches the style. The sign reads: Yukon-Klondike History Center. Inside, DOT WINKERSTADT (60) gives the reporter a tour.
DOT (V.O.)
We call it a history center because “museum” sounds a bit…
She struggles for the word.
REPORTER (V.O.)
Fancy?
INT. MUSEUM – CONTINUOUS
Dot, well fed and dressed in a thrift store cross between Klondike and Contemporary, leads the reporter through the entry hall adorned with Klondike era artifacts.
DOT
Oh, no shortage of fancy here. No, just static.
We try to be more interactive.
She opens a door that reveals a living room-sized space with folding chairs and a small stage.
DOT (CONT’D)
For example, this is our “Re-live the Gold Rush” Theater,
where visitors can experience what it was like.
INSERT:
VIDEO FOOTAGE OF ONE OF THE RE-ENACTMENTS:
Two miner re-eanctors squat at the bank of a river of blue paper. One pulls up his gold pan.
MINER 1
Hey, I found gold!
MINER 2
That’s my gold…
BAM
He shoots Miner 1 dead.
END INSERT
INT. MUSEUM – DAY
Dot and the reporter now stroll by enlarged Klondike-era photos of women. They’re all clearly prostitutes, spilling out of their dresses and in seductive poses.
DOT
This is our our “Women of the Klondike” hall.
Not an ounce of gold would have been pulled from the ground without them.
The reporter clearly sees what she apparently doesn’t. The final portrait in the row is larger than the rest, and the woman doesn’t look like the others; she’s large, butch, and snarling.
DOT
And this is Klondike Kate, perhaps our most famous female pioneer.
The placard above her photo reads KLONDYKE KATE.
DOT (O.S.)
Legend is she looked after all the other women very closely.
They enter another room now. A poorly painted mountain on a wall of plywood fills half the space. About a dozen large drawer handles protrude from the mountain.
DOT
And this is our “Stake your Claim Game.”
She picks up a pickaxe and demonstrates, pulling out a drawer with the axe.
DOT
You decide which one’s your claim, slide the pick ax in, and see if you struck gold!
All but one are just a rock, but behind one is a gold rock.
We let people keep it to show their friends.
Actually, we don’t have a gold rock right now because we ran out of spray paint.
Would you believe it’s 4 to 6 weeks on Amazon?
I could drive to Whitehorse in that time.
They continue their stroll past miserable looking mannequins dressed as miners.
REPORTER
Mayor Trost said you’d be able to fill me in on the history of blacks in the Yukon.
Dot is a bit taken aback.
DOT
Oh, well, as far as I know the last black person here was Calvin Pope in 1967.
He was a Separatist. Came in from Toronto. Back in the 60’s there
was a movement to get the Yukon to secede from Canada.
He ran for provincial election in 1968 against Big Jack O’Connor.
Here’s a poster from the election.
The vertical poster shows a smiling Jack on top, and a nefarious looking Calvin Pope on the bottom. The poster reads: YUKON JACK, NOT YUKON BLACK.
DOT (O.S.)
We’re still part of Canada, so he lost, as you probably figured.
But of course he lost because of his politics, not race.
-
More of Brad’s funny situations
What I learned doing this assignment is that having better awareness of the type of comedic situation you’re creating will help you develop a strong scene.
(Forced Union of Incompatibles):
INT. HOLDING ROOM – DAY
Archer’s swollen face-
SMACK
-takes another right backhand from McGee. The benched astronauts look pretty roughed up. McGee is getting tired, and tired of repeating himself.
MCGEE
Name, rank, and serial number.
ARCHER
I told you, Ed Archer, Astronaut, 90210-22.
McGee shakes his sore hand. Is he gonna have to hit ‘em again? He slumps in a chair. His interrogation technique clearly isn’t working. He’s outta gas.
MCGEE
If you’re really astronauts… What’s Newton’s Third Law?
Archer and Hill look at each other. They know this.
Hill
To every action there’s equal and opposite reaction.
MCGEE
Bernoulli’s principle.
ARCHER
Pressure in moving fluid decreases when speed of the fluid increases.
MCGEE
Kepler’s law.
HILL
The squares of the planet orbits are proportional to uh —
ARCHER
— To the cubes of their mean distance from the sun.
McGee leans back in his chair. He’ll be darned.
MCGEE
You guys really ARE astronauts.
ARCHER
And we’re about to miss —
McGee is thrilled and reaches out his battered paw to shake hands.
MCGEE
— Doc McGee. Pleasure.
-
Brad’s Fast Formatting
What I learned doing this assignment is how much better an action scene reads when you stack it!
iNT. TRAIN/AISLE- DAY
Carlos and Aliyah play it casual as they make their way down the aisle.
The Distractor, buried in his usual collection of red bags, recognizes them, and buries his look back down into his bags.
Carlos grabs his neck…
….and pins him to the bulkhead.
CARLOS
You were part of it.
DISTRACTOR
(gasping)
Part of what? I… don’t… know…. what…. you’re… talking —
ALIYAH
— You lying fucker.
She unloads her fist across his face
CRACK
– and breaks his nose.
The Distractor knows his game of feigned innocence is over…
….he connects an uppercut to Carlos’ chin…
…Carlos falls back.
The Distractor pushes away Aliyah and his bags, and rises to his feet. Game on.
He turns to Aliyah…
…swing and a miss.
Carlos tackles him from behind…
…they hit the ground hard, the Distractor face-down.
…Aliyah kicks the guy’s face
THUMP
– like a soccer ball.
The Distractor reaches an arm back and swings it behind Carlos’ neck…
…and twists the headlock to roll on top.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
He lands three quick blows.
Blood starts pouring from Carlos’ mouth.
The possibility they will lose this fight overcomes Aliyah…
She panics.
She grabs one of the Distractor’s bags…
…shoves it over his head…
…and rings his neck to seal it.
The distractor pushes himself up with Aliyah still clinging on.
Carlos barrels the guy into the-
INT. TRAIN/GANGWAY – CONTINUOUS
Aliyah gets pushed back by the tussle…
…her arm hits the EMERGENCY EXIT button.
WHOOSH
-The doors zip open…
…and out fly Carlos and the Distractor…
EXT. TRAIN – CONTINUOUS
…their bodies bouncing on the ballast.
-
Brad’s Funny Situations
What I learned doing this assignment was once I’ve identified the type of comedic situation I’m creating, I should extend the situation beyond the initial punchline/payoff to take it to the next extreme level.
A somewhat tame example of Comedic Surprise:
INT. LAUNCH CONTROL FLORIDA (GLASS VIEWING AREA) – CONTINUOUS
The VIPs watch from windows above.
CHAPERONE
Everything until lift off happens down there in the Firing Room.
Martha worms her way in.
CHAPERONE (O.S.)
Once the rocket clears the tower, Mission Control in Houston takes over; and only one person there, Cap Com, is allowed to talk to the astronauts.
Martha spots Don and beams.
MARTHA DONALDSON
(to a woman next to her)
That’s my husband. In the white shirt. He’s in charge.
ANGLE ON FIRING ROOM
Just about everyone is wearing a white shirt.
-
Brad’s Comedy Plots
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how to differentiate different types of comedy plots.
PREMISE: Vivaldi is reincarnated, and is once again a talented composer/musician
1. Fish out of water: He still has 18th century ways of thinking but it’s the 21st century.<div> 2. Incongruent pairings: He joins a sex and drugs hard rock band.
3. Hilarious purpose: He tries to convince them the play a piece he just wrote: The Four Seasons.
CHARACTER: The girl who didn’t give a damn
1. Fish out of water: She lives in a world of hypersensitivity and cancel culture
2. Incongruent pairings: She falls in love with a guy who’s always seeking others approval.
3. Hilarious purpose: She runs for mayor on the platform of not giving a damn.
</div>
-
Brad Hicks
I agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
-
Brad Hicks
1
I’m currently writing a comedy feature script, so I hope from this class I’ll learn ways to fine tune the comedic scenes and build better laughs.
I was attacked by wild dogs in India.
-
BRAD’S FUNNY SCENE (The golf course scene from Sideways)
What I learned from this assignment is that it’s all about incongruity!
SET UP
The door bursts open, and Jack comes bounding in.
JACK
Come on, dude. Let’s go golfing! I
got us in at Alisal.
Miles comes to, very hungover.
MILES
INCONGRUITY That’s a public course.
(then –)
SET UP No Stephanie?
JACK
She’s working. I need a break anyway.
INCONGRUITY She’s getting a little clingy.
(magnanimous)
This is our day!
EXT. GOLF COURSE – DAY
SET UP WHACK! Jack TEES OFF with a manly athletic swing and shades
his eyes to watch the ball’s trajectory.
JACK
Crap.
Miles, disheveled and sullen, approaches the teebox, sticks
a tee in the ground and sets his ball.
JACK
Did you ever got ahold of Maya
yesterday?
MILES
Nope.
JACK
She likes you, man. Stephanie’ll
tell you.
MILES
(preparing to swing)
Can you give me some room here?
JACK
(stepping back)
Oh yeah. Sure.
Miles lifts his club.
JACK
You know, in life you gotta strike
when the iron’s hot.
MILES
Thanks, Jack.
Miles refocuses and SWINGS just as Jack offers more helpful
advice.
JACK
Don’t whiff it.
WHACK! Despite the distraction, Miles manages to make a good,
long drive.
JACK
Nice shot.
MILES
INCONGRUITY You’re an asshole.
NOW ON THE FAIRWAY —
SET UP Jack is pouring two Dixie cups of wine as Miles prepares to
take his next swing.
JACK
What about your agent? Hear anything
yet?
MILES
Nope.
JACK
What do you think’s going on?
MILES
Could be anything.
JACK
Been checking your messages?
MILES
INCONGRUITY Obsessively.
JACK
Huh.
MILES
They probably think my book is such
a piece of shit that it’s not even
worthy of a response. I guess I’ll
just have to learn how to kiss off
three years of my life.
JACK
But you don’t know yet, so your
negativity’s a bit premature, wouldn’t
you say?
Miles says nothing.
JACK
Or fuck those New York publishers.
Publish it yourself. I’ll chip in.
Just get it out there, get it
reviewed, get it in libraries. Let
the public decide.
SET UP Giving Jack a look that says Jack has no idea what he’s
talking about, Miles takes a stance over the ball and focuses.
JACK
Don’t come over the top. Stay still.
MILES
Shut up.
JACK
Just trying to be helpful.
(a moment later)
It’s all about stillness, Miles.
Inner quiet.
Miles drops his club and turns to Jack.
MILES
INCONGRUITY Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! What’s
the matter with you, man? SHUT UP!
JACK
Why are you so hostile? I know you’re
frustrated with your life right now,
but you can choose not to be so
hostile.
(holding out a cup of
wine)
Here.
Still fuming, Miles begrudgingly accepts the wine and has a
taste. He’s immediately distracted from his woes.
MILES
What is it?
JACK
I don’t know. Got it from Stephanie.
Miles downs the rest and is intrigued by the taste.
MILES
Huh. Let me see the label.
SET UP Suddenly a golfball THUDS against the hard fairway directly
behind them.
JACK
(whirling around)
What the fuck?
Way back on the tee box, some 200 yards away, are a FOURSOME
of two couples. One of the MEN is waving his driver.
HUSBAND #1
(shouting, barely
audible)
Hurry it up, will you?
Jack looks at Miles, the two incredulous.
MILES
Fucker hit into us.
JACK
(yelling)
Hey, asshole! That’s not cool!
MILES
Throw me his ball.
INCONGRUITY Jack walks over, picks up the offending ball and tosses it
to Miles. Miles gets out his 3-wood and — THWOCK! — cuts
it back low and hard.
JACK
Nice shot.
THE COUPLES
duck for cover as the ball whistles over their heads.
JACK AND MILES
laugh hard.
SET UP THE TWO HUSBANDS
climb in their CART and hasten down the fairway toward Jack
and Miles.
JACK
watches their approach, grinning.
JACK
Oh, this is going to be fun.
(jerking a driver
from his bag)
This is going to be fun.
Jack heads in their direction, brandishing the club like a
medieval knight with a mace.
As the husbands get a look at this sight, they turn their
cart around and speed back toward their wives.
JACK
Hit into us again, motherfuckers,
INCONGRUITY and I’ll ass-rape all four of you!
EXT. GOLF COURSE CLUBHOUSE – DAY
SET UP ack and Miles are turning in their cart and hoisting their
clubs over their shoulders.
JACK
Just don’t give up on Maya. Cool
smart chicks like that –they like
persistence.
MILES
I don’t want to talk about it.
JACK
All I know is she’s beautiful. Lots
of soul. Perfect for you. I’m not
going to feel good about this trip
until you guys hook up. Don’t you
just want to feel that cozy little
box grip down on your Johnson?
Nearby a GOLFER is with his YOUNG SON.
GOLFER
INCONGRUITY Hey, you mind keeping it down, buddy?
-
Brad’s Great (well, pretty good) Action Set Piece. (Not doing this in script form because it’s not the screenplay on which I’m currently working; I’m just formulating ideas for this story.)
What I learned from this assignment is how to bookend action scenes with purpose and to clearly understand why, for the characters, there’s a need for action.
PRE-ACTION: Carlos and Aliyah have decided seeing the bag thief get killed by the truck isn’t justice enough. They want to teach the “distractor” a lesson. They’re riding the trains of Amsterdam looking for him. Neither of them has a violent past so this is new territory for them. They’re unsure if they’ll even be able to do it — if they find him. This will be their test. They also, at this point, believe it will satisfy their need to see justice.
ACTION: They spot the distractor alone on a train. They start to verbally accost him; then Aliyah spits on him. That begins the physical confrontation. He tries to get up but Carlos just starts pummeling him in his seat. Each escalation reveals their increasingly violent capabilities. Aliyah grabs his feet and drags him to the door. They go to throw him off the moving train but he grabs Carlos and they tumble out together. Aliyah then jumps. When Carlos and the distractor land, the train severs the distractor’s hand. No sympathy from Carlos and Aliyah at this point. They end up throwing him into a moving train on adjacent tracks.
POST-ACTION: They are now bonafide killers. And oh how they like it — the feeling of justice and power.
9 PLACES FOR UNIQUENESS:
-Environment: Between train tracks with trains going both ways on either side of the fight.
-Rules: Well, the rules just got tossed. They were planning to just rough him up. They kill him.
-Villain: He carries a ridiculous number of shopping bags, which he uses to distract victims.
-Mission: To find the distractor and vent their anger by beating him up.
Struggle: The distractor drags Carlos off the moving train.
-Unique skillet: N/A
-Meaning: We never know the darkness and violence of which we’re capable.
-Allies: The train is empty other than for the distractor so I don’t see allies playing a role in this scene
-Weapon: It starts with fists and kicking but once they’e off the train it’s clearly a fight to the death. Metal debris along the train tracks become weapons.
STRATEGIES TO ELEVATE:
-What if instead of losing his hand when he lands along the tracks, the villain is already one-handed, and has a metal claw hand for the other.
-Take to an extreme: Maybe the fight ends up between the tracks and a train goes over them while they’re fighting!!!! Yes! I like that!!!
-Character development: Well, they go from newlyweds to murderers in this scene, so that’s probably enough character arc for one scene already.
-Shocking or Surprising: It is surprising when they unleash on the guy and shocking when they fall out of the train. Also shocking when Aliyah jumps. I think taking between the tracks so a train goes over them while they’re wrestling and Aliyah is watching through the speeding train wheels is the trick. Maybe it’s during this section that the dude’s hand gets severed by the train. And then when the fight is over the the guy is dead, Aliyah is standing there holding his severed hand. Yep! I like it. That’s the plan.
-Go Opposite. Maybe the train isn’t empty; it’s full. So there are witnesses. Maybe they take the guy’s cell phone so they have his identity — and can find other thieves with whom he works. (That might work.).
-What haven’t we seen? Aliyah grabbing the end of the train and scooping up Carlos at the end of the fight. — Meh, that might not work. Train’s going too fast.
THE 9 EMOTIONS:
-Anxiety: Perhaps we see the distractor in action in a previous scene where we see he’s violent?? When they walk into the train car where he is, have audience see him before they do. Tension as they get closer and closer
-Fear: Their mission is to beat him up. Make sure audience knows this.
-Relief: They pretty much beat the crap out of him and are able to drag him to the door, so it seems they accomplished their mission.
-Surprise: The dude has enough gas left to grab Carlos and drag him off the train
Danger: I can leave them hanging out the train door, teetering between falling and not.
-Excitement: When they’re under the train, maybe Carlos grabs the guy’s arm and shoves it under the moving train wheels.
-Adrenaline: Certainly a train speeding over two people fighting between the tracks will do the trick.
-
Brad’s Unique Action
What I learned doing this assignment is toying with the extreme, even if you don’t use it in the end, can help generate new ideas.
1. Environment: Amsterdam, a maze of narrow streets and canals foreign to our heroes.
2. Rules: Tourists are fair game for the dipper gang; police don’t bother pursuing them.
3. Villain: Omor Net and his Romanian gang control the streets, and the underworld.
4. Struggle: The gang is well organized and ruthless; Our heroes barely know the place.
5. Mission: Kill as many thieves as they can in a week.
6. Unique skillset: The ability to take joy in revenge killing
7. Meaning: Each scene brings them closer feeling vindicated
8. Allies: Cop who tips them off where to find the thieves; girl who helps them escape.
9. Weapons: Pipe and hand axe (or cleaver.)
A. What if:
Villain – Omor Net has a twin
Mission – They also try to return stolen items to victims
Rules – Police pursue Carlos and Aliyah
B. Take to an extreme:
Mission – Through killing the thieves they uncover an underage sex trafficking ring and take that on.
Weapons – If police side with Carlos and Aliyah, they could provide them weapons.
C. Specific to character or environment:
Villain – What if Omor Net is blind or has no hands.
D. Shocking or surprising:
Rules – The police are on the take and set up Carlos and Aliyah to get captured by Omor Net.
E. Go opposite:
Allies – The Moroccans become Carlos and Aliyah’s allies.
F. What haven’t we seen?
Environment: Carlos and Aliyah get separated from each other
They travel to Romania not as part of their honeymoon but to rescue the girl who helped them escape.
-
Brad’s Level 3 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is to dig deeper into the emotions of each scene to pinpoint whether it’s – for example – excitement or anxiety – that the scene is causing.
Danger: The building is on fire; they’re on the top floor.
Excitement: They jump from the roof into a canal.
Adrenaline: They land right next to the boat filled with the people who are hunting them.
EXT. Apartment building – night
A few late night stragglers pedal home from the clubs, but the street is stone silent. A boat with a dozen people on board on the canal below pulls up to dock.
INT. Apartment building – night
The men from the boat are outside Carlos and Aliyah’s apartment. They begin emptying containers of gasoline by the door and down the stairs. They stop at the second floor.
EXT. Apartment building
Other men douse the front and back of the building.
INT. Apartment building
The men run a gasoline soaked rope down the rest of the stairs to the front door.
INT. Apartment
Carlos and Aliyah sleep soundly.
EXT. Apartment building
One of the men lights the rope by the front door and dashes to the boat where the rest of the men are gathered.
INT. Apartment building
Fire races up the rope and bursts into a wall of flames when it reaches the stairs to the third floor.
EXT. Apartment building
Flames climb up the walls.
INT, Apartment
Aliyah is awakened by the flickering light of the fire outside and wakes up Carlos
EXT. Apartment building
The person in the first story unit escapes out his window. The couple on the second story runs out of the front door.
INT. Apartment
Aliyah opens the front door to see what’s up and is blown back by the flames, her hair on fire. Carlos puts it out with a sheet and slams the door shut.
EXT. Apartment building
Carlos and Aliyah climb onto the fire escape, but below them it’s engulfed. The only way out is up.
INT. Apartment
Fire consumes everything inside.
EXT. Apartment building
By the time they get to the roof, the flames have caught up with them. They’re wrapped in towels, and the towels catch fire. They drop the towels, and panic as the flames close in on them. They look down — It’s a three story jump across a street to reach the canal. But it’s their only hope. They jump, their naked bodies silhouetted by the light of the engulfed building. Splash! They made it. They bob up, see each other, and embrace. We hear the click of a gun. They landed right next to the boat. One of the men has a gun to their heads.
-
Brad’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned from this assignment is to consider the use of transition (or no transition) to pace scenes that contain a shocking development.
Scene Outline: Carlos and Aliyah are following another dipper thief, this time a female. When she gets to a secluded stairwell where they are ready to kill her, Carlos freezes (Surprise) He can’t get himself to crush her skull with the pipe he usually uses. But Aliyah has already pulled out the hand axe she uses to chop off the thieves hands. The thief sees the axe, realizes she’s about to be attacked, and whips out a knife. (Surprise.). Aliyah and the woman end up in a knife versus axe battle. It’s so fast and chaotic, Carlos can’t find a spot to intervene and take her out. When he finally takes a swing with the pipe, it hits part of the stair railing, launching it out of his hand and down the stair well. He’s now without a weapon. The woman lands several slashes across Aliyah, and Aliyah lands a few glancing blows of her own. (Suspense – who will win?). As Aliyah takes a swing at the woman, she loses her grip on the axe and it flies down the stairs. Now she’s defenseless against the woman with the knife. (More suspense). As Aliyah dodges swipes of the knife, Carlos retrieves the axe and buries it in the woman’s head (shock). They start to run away, but Aliyah takes the axe from Carlos, goes back, and hacks of the woman’s hands — her signature. (More shock)
Int. Apartment Building Stairwell – Day
The thief climbs the stairs. Aliyah and Carlos follow a half-floor behind, pretending to be looking for an address. Aliyah speeds up to catch the woman.
Aliyah: Excuse me, do you know if there’s unit for sale here?
Carlos closes in behind the woman and pulls out the pipe. As he raises his arm to strike, Aliyah reaches for her axe. But Carlos freezes. He can’t do it. Seeing the axe, the woman realizes something is amiss. She looks back at Carlos, and pulls out a huge knife. She swings at Carlos and he stumbles backwards down the stairs. Then she pivots and without missing a beat swipes at Aliyah. The knife slices off part of Aliyah’s neck scarf.
Aliyah: Hit her!
Carlos gets his footing and starts back up the stairs. Aliyah and the woman exchange swipes – axe versus knife. The woman lands the blade across Aliyah’s shoulder, slicing open her shirt and it’s quickly soaked in blood. Carlos tries to step in with the pipe, but each time he gets in position, they two women shift and he can’t get a good angle on the thief. Aliyah lands the blade of the axe low into the woman’s hip. She screams, and takes another slice out of Aliyah. Carlos gets low to hit the woman’s knee, but on the backswing the pipe collides with the stair railing and falls several stories down between the stairs. He and Aliyah exchange a terrified look. The woman lands the knife across Carlos’ back, slicing him, and then turns back to Aliyah. Aliyah has a clean shot and swings the axe toward the thief’s neck, but loses her grip and the axe goes flying. Now she’s toast. The woman backs her up in the stairway until she’s flat against the concrete wall. Face to face, she spits in Aliyah’s face, flips the knife in her hand so she can stab instead of slice and is just about to plunge the knife into Aliyahs’ heart when – smack – Carlos buries the axe into the top of her head. She’s dead. In a panic, our bleeding heroes turn to escape.
Aliyah: We’re not done.
Aliyah methodically walks back up the dead woman, and with two quick blows severs her hands.
-
Brad’s Level 1 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is it can be helpful to identify and label the emotions each scene generates to help map out a more complete roller coaster ride for the audience.
Scene outline: This is the final scene in Act I. Carlos and Aliyah are following pings from the air tag in their stolen bag. It leads them to a farm just outside a small town near Rotterdam. As they’re walking through town to get to the farm, the see a woman wearing one of Aliyah’s shirts. She was not the person who stole their bag. They follow her to a cafe, where they man who stole the bag is seated. We will see he’s there before Carlos and Aliyah do, creating anxiety over what will happen when they encounter him. When he sees them approach, he recognizes them and runs away. They chase. As they run after him through this foreign town familiar to him, he tosses things at them that put them in danger: a sickle, a bicycle, etc. He eventually gets stuck in an alley blocked by construction and turns to fight the two. This creates fear, since he seems crazed and cornered with nothing to lose. Just before they tangle, he makes one last dash for it through a break in the construction obstacle. As he shoots out from a blind corner, he gets killed by a truck. For the viewer, it’s a relief; our heroes are not in danger anymore.
EXT. Sossenheim – Day
Aliyah and Carlos walk through the town center, following the latest air tag ping on their phone. They’re using the phone to find their way. They look up at a street sign, and a young woman wearing Aliyah’s Kansas City Chiefs jersey with her name on the back walks by.
Carlos: “What are the odds?”
They double take.
Aliyah: “Zero.”
They follow the woman for several blocks, almost losing her when a train gets between them. The woman walks up to a cafe, where the bag thief is seated. They know each other and start chatting. The train now gone, Carlos and Aliyah spot her in the distance. They hurry toward the cafe. As they get near, the thief recognizes them and hurries off. He tries to play it casual, but looks back and sees they’re following him. The chase begins, through alleys and across small canals. They’re faster than he is, but every time they get close, he picks up something and throws it at them. First a bicycle. Then a sickle. Finally a brick. The thief keeps running, dodging a car, jumping across a small canal, and then he turns down an alley. Unfortunately for him, there’s construction at the end of the alley and the way out is blocked. They have him cornered.
Carlos: We just want the bag.
It’s not clear if the man understands English, but he looks crazed. He charges toward them. They jump away, unsure if he’s trying to attack them or get away. He runs out of the alley, a very winded Carlos and Aliyah trying to keep up. When he reaches the cross street he sprints out from behind the blind corner and a cement truck flattens him. Carlos and Aliyah stop. It takes a few seconds for them to process what they just saw. The dude is clearly dead. As the truck driver and witnesses hurry into the street, Carlos and Aliyah slip away.
-
Brad’s Favorite Twists
What I learned doing this assignment is to consider every opportunity to add a twist to a scene, even if you don’t end up using it.
5 Favorite Twists:
Unexpected Attack: Aliyah and Carlos are just innocent honeymooners ready to enjoy themselves; suddenly they become crime victims.I
Unexpected escalation: Just looking for the bag when they see woman wearing Aliyah’s clothes. They follow her and she unknowingly leads them to the thief. When they chase after him to get the bag, he gets creamed by a truck.
Plan fails: They’re ready to kill another thief as they’ve done many times, but Carlos freezes. He can’t kill the thief because it’s a woman. Aliyah ends up in a knife/axe fight with her.
Unexpected ally: Aliyah and Carlos have been captured by Omor Net. They’re toast. One of the girls Omor has as a sex trade prisoner slips them a weapon to kill and escape.
Bad news we didn’t see coming: Carlos and Aliyah finally escape Omor and his gang and are on thief riverboat cruise. We see Omor and a one-handed man who survived their attack board the boat.
-
Carlos and Aliyah’s Likability/Empathy/Justification
What I learned doing this assignment is that even if you’ve developed multiple ways to inspire the viewer to care about your character(s), try to work in even more.
LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY
1. Carlos and Aliyah embody the excitement/aspirations of young love.
2. Their families and friends aspire to and admire such love.
3. They’re funny and innocent.
4. They have carved out time from their busy honeymoon to help girls in the sex trade.
EMPATHY/DISTRESS
1. Their plans are up-ended upon arrival when they are victimized
2. They are scared and helpless in a foreign land.
3. Their honeymoon dreams are shattered when the theft prevents them from leaving Amsterdam.
4. When they go searching for the bag, they are traumatized again seeing someone wearing her clothes.
5. They are further traumatized when they chase after the guy who stole the bag, and he’s smashed by a truck.
JUSTIFICATION
1. The thieves ruined their honeymoon. They have a right to want revenge.
2. The thieves are heartless and don’t care about the incredible difficulties they cause their victims.
3. Beyond that, the money they steal is funneled into the trafficking of young girls.
-
Brad’s Story Map
What I learned doing this assignment is I had a lot of overlap between my Mission track, Villian track, and Action track. Will need to fine tune those.
OPENING
INCITING INCIDENT
-M1 Aliyah’s bag is stolen
-A1 They follow the airbag hits to find bag
-M2 They see a woman wearing a piece of Aliyah’s clothing and follow her.
-A2 Bag is dumped in canal
-M3 They spot the bag thief and cash after him. He gets killed by a truck.
-M4 They discover they enjoyed watching him die.
END OF FIRST ACT – TURNING POINT
-M5 They decide to seek revenge on the distractor on the train and kill him.
-M6 They begin stalking and murdering dippers – chases.
-M7 Omor Net tortures and kills girl.
-M8 Carlos fails to kill female dipper; she gets away.
-M9 Omor begins revenge killings on Moroccan gang
-V1 Omor retaliates
-M10 Omor discovers the real identity of the serial killers; wager with Moroccan leader.
-V2 Omor’s mistake – makes amends w/ Moroccans
MID-POINT
-M11 The Moroccans corner Carlos and Aliyah; they escape
-V3 Omor blackmails cops for info on Carlos and Aliyah.
-M12 Omor’s gang captures them fleeing Amsterdam; they’re doomed.
-M13 Girl helps them escape
END ACT 2 – SECOND TURNING POINT
CRISIS
-V4 Omor recruits assassins from the cartel headquarters in Romania
-A3 Aliyah and Carlos target head of gang in Bucharest
-M14 Omor follows them to Romania and isolates them on boat
-M15 Carlos is captured
CLIMAX
-M16 Alliyah kills Omor
RESOLUTION
-M17 They do a new honeymoon; ID stolen; new mission.
-
Aliyah’s Action Structure
What I learned doing this assignment was 1) how different teachers define the second turning point differently; and 2) that I may want to change what happens to my heroes when they get to Romania, which will also change the location of the climax.
Opening: Bachelor and bachelorette parties for Carlos and Aliyah; he breaks open a piñata; she’s at an axe bar with friends. Purpose of both is to foreshadow and contrast how their innocent fun here becomes their means of killing later.
Inciting Incident: Their bag is stolen
First Turning Point at end of Act 1: They realize they enjoyed seeing the guy who stole their bag die; and from this point forward embark on their mission to kill.
Mid-Point: Omor Net learns the identities of our heroes; they are now the hunted.
Second turning point: Our héros have been captured by Omor and he’s going to torture and kill them.:
Crisis: They must decide between helping the girl who saved them get home and fleeing for their lives.
Climax: They’re isolated on a boat with killers all around
Resolution: They kill Omor Net. Go on a different honeymoon months later and become victims of identity theft — so they have a new mission to kill.
-
Carlos and Aliyah’s Action Track!
What I learned doing this assignment is that it can be helpful to decide the purpose for an action scene before envisioning the scene itself.
ACT 1
THEFT: Alliyah’s bag is stolen, leaving them without her essential documents.
-Purpose: Creates the catalyst for them to search for it.
SURVEILLANCE: When they spot a woman wearing a piece of Alliyah’s clothing, the follow her to see where she lives so they can get the bag back.
-Purpose: To set up the Chase that follows.
CHASE: They spot the bag thief, and he spots them. The run after him; he rounds a corner and gets flattened by a truck.
-Purpose: They discover something dark in themselves —they enjoyed seeing him die. They feel he deserved it.
ACT II
TRAIN FIGHT: They seek out and find the distractor who was the other half of the theft. They beat him to death.
-Purpose: This elevates their killing to the level of intent. Even darker, and for them even more enjoyable.
STALKING: They see a dipper in action and follow him. This is their first intentional murder and mutilation.
-Purpose: To shock the viewer into seeing how bloodthirsty they’ve become. But we still root for them.
SCOOTER, BOAT, AND BICYLE PURSUITS: Possibly a montage since the actions are similar. They’re on a roll to wipe out these bastards.
-Purpose: To show they’re committed to the cause. And the various stalking/pursuit/murder scenes are entertaining and intense.
MURDER: Omor Net, the antagonist, tortuers and kills with his own hands a young girl from his sex trade whose customer was unhappy with her service. He kills her in front of other girls so they’ll fear him.
Purpose – to show how ruthless Omor Net is, and to reinforce that we’re on the side of our serial killing heroes.
FIGHT: Carlos and Aliyah pursue a female dipper, but when they are ready to kill her Carlos freezes. He just can’t kill a woman. The woman and Aliyah end up in a fight, knife versus hatchet. Aliyah is stabbed and the woman gets away.
-Purpose: To show Carlos has a soft spot, and that Aliyah has the stronger will to kill. Also to set up how Omor Net discovers who the people killing his gang members are.
REVENGE: Based on the description of the killers provided by the female thief who escaped, Omor Net believes the murders are being carried out by a rival Moroccan dipper gang. He orders a one night massacre of dozens of Moroccan thieves.
-Purpose: To involve the Moroccans in the plot twist. When they learn our heroes are “posing” as Moroccans (Omor Net’s excuse), they, too, begin pursuing them. Omor and the Moroccan gang leader make a wager of young women on who can kill the couple first.
FIRE: The Moroccan gang finds Carlos and Aliyah first and corners them in their flat. They set the building on fire to flush them out. People die. They manage to escape by jumping from the roof into a canal.
-Purpose: To show the gang will stop at nothing to get the couple and win the wager. Also, to change the plot direction, as Carlos and Aliyah now know they’re being hunted.
CAPTURE: As they prepare to flee Amsterdam, they’re captured by the Romanian Gang (not sure how/where yet.). Looks like they’re toast. Omor Net is ready to personally torture and kill them; their heads will be proof he won the wager.
-Purpose: To bring our heroes to the brink of death.
ESCAPE: One of Omor’s young girls slips our heroes weapons and/or tools with which they battle and escape.
-Purpose: To create a situation where the heroes and antagonist now know who each other is. Also, to give our hero’s a new mission: To rescue the girl who saved them. (And to create debate between Carlos and Aliyah as to whether they should save her or just leave.)
RESCUE: They return to Omor’s neighborhood, and discover the girl gets driven into a brothel in the city. Armed with weapons, they rescue her from sex trafficking.
-Purpose: To add a new layer of complexity to the plot. Omor now has two reasons to kill them. And to add an additional, sympathetic, character to the storyline.
CORNERED: Omor and his henchmen pursue our heroes to Romania and find them on a river boat cruise (after they’ve returned the girl to her family.). They’re cornered on the boat; there’s no way out, except to fight to the death.
-Purpose: Super intense, blood-pressure raising scenes as they try to avoid being killed in the tight confines of the boat. They’re outnumbered and outgunned. (Hell, they don’t even have guns.). They use a decoy method to kill their pursuers one by one.
-Purpose: To bring our heroes to the brink, where it seems there’s no way out. They can’t win.
CAPTURED: The decoy technique fails, and Carlos is captured. Aliyah can’t find where on the ship they’ve taken him.
-Purpose: To separate our heroes. Together they seem invincible, but apart?
FINAL FACE OFF: Aliyah receives a call on Carlos’ phone saying where to find. him. He’s tied up and they’re going to kill him. They only way she can save him from being tortured first is to give herself up too. She agrees, and face to face with Omor splits his head open with a hand axe. Omor falls from the ship and is ground up by the propeller.
-Purpose: To show who the real hero (heroine) is. And to give the audience a reason to cheer Omor’s demise.
THE FINAL TWIST: Months later, when Carlos and Aliyah re-do their honeymoon, now on a Caribbean island, they discover they’re the victims of identity theft. The look they give each other assures us they have a new mission that no double will involve tracking down identity thieves.
– Purpose: to add a little levity to the conclusion, but also to set up a possible sequel.
-
Omor Net’s Villain Track
What I learned doing this assignment is the Villain’s mission is as important as the Hero’s mission — and I need to further develop my Villain’s mission track. But here’s a start.
RETALIATE: When his gang of thieves start turning up dead with their hands cut off, Omor Net suspects a rival Moroccan dipper gang is behind it. He sends out his assassins to retaliate.
MISTAKE: One of Omor’s thieves escapes the attempt to kill her. She identifies the would-be killers not as Moroccans, but as our heroes — the American couple. Omor orders his gang to find and torture the two.
AMMENDS: Omor tries to make amends with the Moroccan gang leader by offering him Romanian girls. The Moroccans accept, and add their assassins to the hunt for the couple because Omor lies and convinces them the couple is posing as Moroccans.
BLACKMAIL: Omor has footage of cops with his underage girls at one of his brothels in Amsterdam. He blackmails them to help find where the American couple is staying. They provide surveillance footage.
ACROSS BORDERS: When our couple narrowly escapes Amstedam, Omor tracks them to their Danube River cruise, which will be passing right along the Romanian border. He flies to Bucharest and enlists the well organized and heavily armed assassins from the international cartel’s headquarters.
POSING: Omor and his squad of killers pose as Romanian police to board the boat. The plan is to pretend to be arrest the couple so they can take them back to Bucharest and torture them mercilessly.
FITTING ENDING: Our couple recognizes Omor and realizes the fake police are gang members looking for them. Through a day of cat-and-mouse on the cruise ship, they kill and cut of the hands of a number of the gang members. They dress as chef’s (her occupation back home) and present the hands to Omor for dinner. Omor runs scared, they push him off the back of the ship, and he gets ground to bits by the propellers.
-
What I learned from this assignment is my hero needs not just a monumental and difficult mission, but a mission that is measurable and finite.
Aliyah’s Mission Track:
A. What is it about this Hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds? She wants revenge on the bastard who ruined her honeymoon.
B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal? She needs to wipe out an entire criminal gang in a foreign city in a week.
C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero? Her parents died on their honeymoon so they never got to experience the joy of it.
D. Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What could naturally happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain? She and her husband could be tortured and killed; she may be kidnapped and trafficked for the sex trade.
Motivation: Revenge
Inciting Incident: Her bag with her passport and important documents is stolen, preventing her from going on her honeymoon.
First Action: Follow the airtag hits that are directing her to her stolen bag.
Obstacle: The bag has been dumped in a canal
Escalation: As she chases the man who stole her bag, he is killed by a truck. She and her husband realize they enjoyed that, and begin the mission to wipe out the entire bag theft ring.
Overwhelming odds: There are dozens of Romanian bag thieves, and they need to be tortured and killed one at a time.
New Plan: The Romanians mistake the newlyweds for members of a Moroccan bag theft syndicate, and our newlyweds get caught in the middle. They must now take out the head of the Romanian gang.
Full out Attack: They set out to kill the head of the Romanian Gang in Romania, but end up being the hunted.
Success: They win the battle with the Romanian gang leader and his henchmen on a river cruise ship on the Danube.
-
What I learned doing this assignment is the hero needs a special skill set (which is a struggle for my concept and has me questioning if it’s truly action genre; but I’ll keep on truckin’ and we’ll see if I can flush it out.)
CONCEPT:
Hero Morally Right: Stop the pickpocket/dipper gang targeting tourists in Amsterdam
Villain Morally Wrong: Theft, and uses the money for sex trafficking Romanian girls
HERO:
A. Unique skill set: The ability to be cold blooded, ruthless serial killers who torture their prey
B. Motivation: Revenge!
C. Secret or wound: Their honeymoon was ruined.
VILLAIN:
Unbeatable: Has an entire underworld gang of thieves and sex traffickers that control a section of Amsterdam.
B. Plan/Goal: To hunt down the people killing his gang of thieves.
C. What they lose of hero survives: His criminal empire (and his life)
IMPOSSIBLE MISSION:
Puts hero in action: They kill as many dipper thieves as possible in a week, and chop off their hands to send a message.
B. Demands they go beyond their best: Once their identity is discovered by the Villain, these ordinary school teachers must outwit and out-maneuver an entire gang of assassins, on the assassin’s turf.
C. Destroy the Villain: Their attack on the Romanian gang triggers retaliation by the Romanians who think the heroes are a competing Moroccan pickpocket gang. This depletes the Romanian gang, and then ultimately, on a river cruise ship, our heroes are locked in an inescapable fight to the death with the gang leader.
-
Hi, I’m Brad Hicks. I’ve written one script (now in re-write); a comedy. Next up is an action screenplay, so I’m taking this class to help me resolve some issues I’m having with that script. I was a TV news anchor and reporter for three decades, so in a way I’ve been a storyteller my entire adult life 🙂
-
Brad’s Conventions!
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is for the hero to have a clearly defined mission.
Title: Wedded Revenge
Concept: Innocent newlyweds become serial killers to avenge the crime that cost them their honeymoon.
Conventions:
Hero: The newlyweds (co-protagonists)
Demand for Action: If they can wipe out the Romanian pickpocket ring in Amsterdam, they’ll save other tourists from the same fate they suffered.
Mission: Inflict as much suffering on the Romanian pickpocket gang as possible and kill the gang’s leader before their trip is over.
Antagonist: The cold-blooded pickpocket gang leader who seeks to destroy the mysterious couple killing his thieves.
Escalating Action: The gang leader learns the couple’s identity, and sends assassins to kill them on a cruise ship as it passes down the Danube along the Romanian border.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Bradford Hicks.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by
-
Brad Hicks
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM FOR “Writing Killer Action Scripts” CLASS
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:1. That everyone’s work here is copyrighted and they are the sole
owner of that work. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this
group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that
idea.2. That this program is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun and I will not share,
disclose, present, or deliver the information, design, and writing of this
program to anyone for any reason without written permission from Hal Croasmun.
3. That I will keep the other writers’ ideas and writing confidential
(including Hal’s materials) and will not share this information with
anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner.
I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone
outside this group.4. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or
have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can
independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or
movie idea.5. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for
any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted
work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from
marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents,
managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment
industry organizations or people.This completes the Group Release Form for Writing Killer Action Scripts.
-
-
I sent an email to Jhoana (customer support) to give Cheryl or Hal a heads up about your question. Thanks – Brad
-
I’m wondering the same.