Brandi Hoffman
Forum Replies Created
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Brandi’s deeper layers
Brandi’s vision: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience thrilled and eager for the next.
What I learned from doing this assignment: It wasn’t too difficult to put in an extra layer, but well worth it. The ones AI suggested weren’t great, but I like the one I came up with.
Surface Layer: Buddy hates his life and wants to kill his father in order to set himself free
Deeper Layer: His mother manipulates Buddy into killing his father so she can be alone with her lover
Major Reveal: after Buddy confesses to trying to kill his dad, his dad figures out his wife is behind the whole plot
Influences Surface Story: Buddy thinks it’s his own idea, but is devastated when he learns of his mom’s treachery
Hints: glances between mom and the hired hand/ guy who gets his hands dirty
Changes Reality: Buddy isn’t nearly as competent and in control as he thinks he isBeginning: Mei is a huge liar and is desperate to prove herself in the competitive world of magic. When a dress rehearsal for a performance goes wrong, she lies and says it’s all under control.
Inciting Incident: Mei’s ex-boyfriend Chuck falls out of a prop box during a show before 231 cement engineers. Mei tries to play it off, but someone notices that the prop is bleeding.
Turning Point 1: When she’s questioned by the police, she lies and tells them she didn’t know the victim. Someone points out to her that she’s really in trouble, it wasn’t a harmless little lie.
Act 2: Mei has to investigate Chuck’s murder before the police figure out he was her ex. She looks for the assistant who went missing during the show, but everyone seems to have forgotten.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Mei finds a blueprint in the assistant’s apartment, but before she can figure it out, she’s caught by her assistant’s landlord. She lies (unsuccessfully) to get out of trouble, but a video of her escaping goes viral, though without identifying features.
Act 3: Mei asks her friend Jerri to look at the blueprint. Jerri recognizes it as a prop device in William Henry’s show and goes off to warn him that someone is trying to hurt him.
Turning Point 3: Jerri is found dead, and evidence points to Mei. Mei’s other lies are uncovered and life becomes very difficult. She finds her assistant in hiding who confirms that Buddy is the one who hired Chuck to sabotague the device to make it look like an accident.
Act 4 Climax: Mei forms a new plan to expose Buddy, but Buddy kidnaps Mei’s brother. Mei’s family bands together to stop the evil stage manager while Mei traps Buddy with his own sabotaged prop. William Henry confronts his wife and confirms she was the mastermind behind the plot to kill him, and Buddy is left devastated.
Resolution: Mei is a changed woman who can let people into her life. She’s now more confident in her abilities as a magician and has learned the importance of honesty and trust in her relationships.
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Brandi’s Character Structure:
Brandi’s vision: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience thrilled and eager for the next.
What I learned from doing this assignment: My protagonist’s journey mirrors my antagonist’s journey, although the timeline is different. The antagonist journey starts well before the protagonist’s one. Not all of the antagonist’s journey will appear in the feature, but they both have to end at the same time.
Mei Chang (protagonist)
Beginning: Mei’s mom has her life planned out for her – science degree, getting marriage, kids – and tries to force her into a mold. Since this life isn’t attractive at all, Mei lies and tells her that she’s in school and dating “nice” men in order to keep her family’s support.
Inciting Incident: Her ex-bf falls out of a prop box during her first magic show and it’s caught on video.
Turning Point 1: Because she’s so used to lying, she lies to the police about knowing him.
Act 2: The clock is ticking. The detective is going to find out she dated Chuck before he turned up in her prop box. She’s gotta find the murderer before she becomes a suspect. Mei breaks into her missing assistant’s apartment and finds plans for an illusion that’s been altered to injure the magician performing it.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: She asks other magicians about the illusion. Jerri lies and says she doesn’t know, but is later found dead in her own magical accident. Mei’s number is in her phone. Mei’s family sends her brother to keep an eye on her.
Act 3: Mei’s number is spoofed on Jerri’s phone, and Mei is brought in for questioning. She finds the missing assistant who tells her the altered plans are for William Henry’s show, and it’s not just to injure him, but kill him. And the culprit is his son, Buddy.
Turning Point 3: Buddy kidnaps Mei’s brother and uses him as bait to get the plans.
Act 4 Climax: Mei’s family switches out the sabotaged prop for a non altered one and Buddy is revealed as the culprit. Using another altered prop (with the assistance of William Henry), she catches Buddy before he escapes.
Resolution: Mei’s parents are unhappy that she lied, but are impressed with her quick thinking. Mei apologizes for all the lies, and they go forward with a new relationship.Buddy Henry (antagonist)
Beginning: Buddy agrees to help his family expand his father’s career for a few years, turning him into the number one magician in the world.
Inciting Incident: Buddy goes back to school for modern dance, but his father loses his contract with the hotel and Buddy has to help his family negotiate a new contract with a different hotel. Every time Buddy wants to leave the family business, his family draws him back. He’s trapped. And the only way to get out of the trap is to end the family business, permanently.
Turning Point 1: Through his connections, he finds a designer (Chuck) who can sabotage an illusion to injure the user and make it look like an accident.
Act 2: His girlfriend influences Chuck and he gets cold feet. Chuck threatens to expose Buddy’s plan.
Turning Point 2/ Midpoint: Buddy’s buddy kills Chuck and is going to kill his girlfriend, but she escapes. Mei is the suspect.
Act 3: Mei shows the plans to Jerri, who recognizes them as William Henry’s illusion. Unaware that Buddy is behind it, she tells Buddy to warn William Henry.
Turning Point 3: Buddy has Jerri killed and plants evidence against Mei. Because she lied so much, no one believes her when she protests her innocence. Mei plans to go around Buddy and warn William Henry.
Act 4 Climax: Buddy kidnaps Mei’s brother. Buddy will kill him if Mei doesn’t appear in William Henry’s show, where Buddy has set up his father’s murder and frames Mei.
Resolution: Buddy is thwarted by Mei’s family and his own father. After being confronted, he pushes William Henry down the stairs, but Mei captures him and he’s arrested.
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Brandi’s vision: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience thrilled and eager for the next.
What I learned: I have a LOT of characters in this movie!!
Supporting and Background characters
Name: William Henry
Role: Buddy’s dad, world famous magician
Main purpose: Mei has to save him from his son
Value: contrast his relationship with Buddy with Mei’s relationship with her momName: Joey Chang
Role: Mei’s brother
Main purpose: Gets kidnapped by Buddy and Mei must save him.
Value: Shows Mei a different way to deal with their highstrung parentsName: Sophie Alonzo
Role: Mei’s friend and assistant
Main purpose: goes missing after the body appears in the prop box
Value: Mei forgetting about her shocks Mei into realizing she’s been so self centeredName: Chuck (something or other)
Role: Mei’s ex bf, Sophie’s current BF, illusion designer
Main purpose: Begins the story by falling out of the prop box
Value: Goes from being Mei’s ex, to Sophie’s BFName: Lou Timothy
Role: Buddy’s friend, senior stage manager
Main purpose: does Buddy’s dirty work
Value: Mei’s family defeats him, leaving her to go after Buddy -
Brandi’s vision: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience thrilled and eager for the next.
What I learned from doing this assignment: Buddy, the antagonist, is very similar to Mei, my protagonist. They’re both resentful of family expectations. Right now, Mei’s not angry enough with her family to resort to murder…yet.
Mei Chang
The High Concept: ambitious magician who needs validation from being successful
This Character’s Journey: Insecure – confident
The Actor Attractors for this Character: quick witted, charming and fun. Everyone wants to be Mei.
Character Subtext: Deception – Tells her parents that she’s in college, eating right, looking for a boyfriend, studying when none of that is true. She lies to continue their support.
Character Intrigue: Unspoken Wound – Second child of Chinese parents, and a girl to boot, Mei has always felt like a distant priority over her academically successful older brother.
Flaw: When she’s in a tough situation, Mei will lie her pants off to get herself out of trouble. She’ll even lie to the people she loves instead of confronting them.
Values: Seeks the external validation of an audience.
Character Dilemma: Ambition vs. being a self absorbed jerk.
Buddy Henry
The High Concept: Debonair and capable business manager of the world’s most famous magician, his father.
This Character’s Journey: Resentful for devoting his life to his family – detonating the family business by crippling/ killing his father.
The Actor Attractors for this Character: A charming and masterful manipulator at the top of his game with a hidden plan for murder.
Character Subtext: Beneath Buddy’s outward facade of resentment lies a deep-seated desire for freedom and recognition. His actions are driven by a complex mix of fear of the unknown, insecurity, and ambition, making him a compelling and morally ambiguous character.
Character Intrigue: Plans his own father’s murder while running the family business.
Flaw: Too cowardly to confront his family and escape the family business
Values: External recognition, perfection, control
Character Dilemma: He’s a control freak – why can’t he just face his parents with the truth?
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Brandi’s character profiles:
Brandi’s vision: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience thrilled and eager for the next.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: My protagonist and antagonist are two sides of the same coin, but they’ve made different choices.
Mei Chang
Role in the Story: protagonist
Age range and Description: mid 20s, asian woman
Core Traits: ambitious, quick witted, distant relationship with the truth
Motivation; Want/Need: have her own Vegas show/ show her parents (and herself) she’s worthy of love
Wound: Culturally, she’ll always be second fiddle to her older brother because he’s older and male and academic like her parents. Is also a liar liar pants on fire to get what she wants because she thinks it’s owed to her.
Likability: Mei says the things the rest of us wished we would have said after a day and a half of overthinking. She’s smart and funny.
Relatability: She wants something so bad she’s blinded to almost everything else
Empathy: Someone takes a huge chance on her, but her ex-boyfriend ruins it by turning up dead.
Buddy Henry
Role in the Story: Antagonist manager of world famous magician William Henry, his dad
Age range and Description: Good looking, middle aged man
Core Traits: Charming, powerful, ruthless, resentful
Motivation; Want/Need: resents devoting his entire life to his family/ needs to prove to himself that he can be successful without them.
Unspoken Wound: Has always felt like a distant priority to his family. Resentful of missing out on life because of family obligations.
Deception: Pretends to be the dutiful son, but plots to kill his dad.
Likability: Buddy is good looking, powerful and takes good care of the people working for him
Relatability: Buddy feels unappreciated for all the sacrifices he’s made
Empathy: He hasn’t had a chance to explore who he really is, what he wants, what he can do. He’s sacrificed most of his life for his family.
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Brandi’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy
Brandi’s vision: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience thrilled and eager for the next.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: Likability, Relatability and Empathy are all different things.
Mei Chang’s Likability/ Relatability/ Empathy
Likability: Mei says the things the rest of us wished we would have said after a day and a half of overthinking. She’s smart and funny.
Relatability: She wants something so bad she’s blinded to almost everything else
Empathy: Someone takes a huge chance on her, and poof! It’s ruined by her ex boyfriend.
Buddy Henry’s Likability/ Relatability/ Empathy
Likability: Buddy is good looking, powerful and takes good care of the people working for him
Relatability: Buddy feels unappreciated for all the sacrifices he’s made for his family
Empathy: He hasn’t had a chance to explore who he really is, what he wants, what he can do. He’s sacrificed most of his life for his family.
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Brandi’s character intrigue
Brandi’s vision: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience thrilled and eager for the next.
What I learned doing this lesson: Fleshing out my characters is a lot of fun!
Character Name: Mei Chang
Role: Protagonist – MagicianDeception: Tells her parents that she’s in college, eating right, looking for a boyfriend, studying when none of that is true. She lies to continue their support.
Unspoken Wound: Second child of Chinese parents, and a girl to boot, Mei has always felt like a distant priority over her academically successful older brother. -
Brandi’s actor attractors!
Brandi’s Vision: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience thrilled and eager for the next.
What I learned: Designing people to fit my story is fun! I can pick and choose traits to see if they work and to make the characters interesting and fun.
Mei:
What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? She’s a cute and funny know-it-all who lies out of habit (not malice) and gets caught in a web of her own making.What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? She uses magic/ distraction/ misdirection and charm to get what she wants
What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Obsessively perfecting her routine, lying out of habit, facing off against Buddy in the ultimate magic showdown.
How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? In a magic show that showcases her humor, her magic abilities and her charm.
What could be this character’s emotional range? The highs and low in a performing career, regretting the choices she’s made regarding her family, the ability to finally accept her judgemental family.
What subtext can the actor play? Her underlying insecurity in her relationships.
What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? Her high achieving, tiger-mom mother, the boyfriend she dumped who she later found in her prop box.
How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Through her self depreciating humor, clever one-liners, and charming personality. She is a quick thinker and resourceful problem-solver, using her wit and charm to navigate the challenges she faces.
What could make this character special and unique? Mei shoots her mouth off first, and figures out consequences later. Because of this, she must continuously run damage control, which is a lot more work than telling the truth in the first place.
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Brandi’s Actor attractors for Thunder Force.
Vision: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience thrilled and eager for the next.
Movie Title: Thunder Force
Lead Character Name: Lydia
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? She’s an every-woman who never grew up after high school
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? She isn’t, and that’s kind of a problem
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? She asks her former best friend to come to their HS reunion. She accidentally takes the experimental serum that turns her into a super hero.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? She’s a competant forklift operator that hides a can of beer in her work thermos. A functional alcoholic.
5. What is this character’s emotional range? shallow as a kiddie pool
6. What subtext can the actor play? this character has no subtext
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? With her best friend, the nerdy scientist, but with all the ways she sabotages her friend, you can see why the friend avoids her.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? Not really unique.
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Vision: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience thrilled and eager for the next.
What I learned from this lesson: AI doesn’t mind if you ask it to redo the prompt. You can type Again and it will recalculate. And also, you can pick and choose from its responses because you’ll never be totally happy with just one.
Incongruence:
Mei, a struggling magician, is the protagonist who triggers countless amusing situations through her incongruent perspectives and constant lies.
The unconventional pairing of a murder mystery with comedy adds an extra layer of incongruence, creating a unique and entertaining story.Mechanics of Comedy:
Setup/Punchline: Mei’s constant lying and the absurd situations she finds herself in provide ample opportunities for setup and punchline humor.
Toppers/Running Gags: Running gags involving Mei’s lies and her failed attempts at using magic add to the comedic elements of the story.
Fish out of Water: Mei, a novice magician, is thrust into the world of murder investigation, creating numerous hilarious situations as she navigates this unfamiliar territory.Comedic Protagonist:
Mei, the comedic protagonist, triggers laughter through her incongruent perspectives, choices, and reactions to the events around her.
Her constant lying and bumbling attempts at investigation provide endless comedic fodder, making her a memorable and entertaining character. -
Vision: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience thrilled and eager for the next.
What I learned from this lesson: AI doesn’t mind if you ask it to redo the prompt. You can type Again and it will recalculate. And also, you can pick and choose from its responses because you’ll never be totally happy with just one.
Act 1:
Opening: Mei, a struggling magician, is desperate to establish herself in the competitive world of magic.
Inciting Incident: Mei’s ex-boyfriend Chuck is killed, and she becomes the prime suspect in his murder.
Turning Point: Fearing she’ll be blamed for Chuck’s murder, Mei lies to the police, setting off a chain of events she can’t control.Act 2:
New Plan: Mei decides to investigate Chuck’s murder herself to clear her name.
Plan in Action: Mei starts uncovering clues and suspects, diving into the world of magic to find the truth.
Midpoint Turning Point: Mei discovers evidence pointing to Buddy, Chuck’s business manager, as the killer.Act 3:
Rethink Everything: Mei realizes the danger she’s in and reevaluates her approach to the investigation.
New Plan: Mei forms a new plan to expose Buddy and prove her innocence.
Turning Point: Mei’s plan goes awry, and she finds herself in even greater danger, with Buddy closing in on her.Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: Mei confronts Buddy in a dramatic showdown, using her newfound confidence and skills to outsmart him and clear her name.
Resolution: With Buddy behind bars, Mei emerges from the ordeal a changed woman. She’s now more confident in her abilities as a magician and has learned the importance of honesty and trust in her relationships. -
Brandi’s vision: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience thrilled and eager for the next.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: Garbage in, garbage out. The more detailed the prompt is, the better the results are. I’ve been giving the AI some very detailed prompts and getting back some great results.
1. Scheme and Investigation:
Subtext Plot: While Mei is desperately trying to uncover the truth behind Chuck’s murder, Billy is secretly scheming to frame her for the crime. As Mei investigates, Billy plants false evidence, manipulates suspects, and works behind the scenes to sabotage her efforts. Meanwhile, Mei becomes increasingly suspicious of Billy’s motives, leading to a tense showdown as she uncovers his deceitful plot.
2. Layering:
Subtext Plot: Beneath the surface of Chuck’s murder lies a deeper layer of deception and betrayal. As Mei delves deeper into the mystery, she uncovers a web of lies and hidden agendas, revealing that Chuck’s murder was not as straightforward as it seemed. With each new revelation, Mei must confront the truth about her relationship with Chuck and the people around her, leading to a surprising and unexpected resolution.
3. Someone Hides Who They Are:
Subtext Plot: As Mei investigates Chuck’s murder, she discovers that he was hiding a dark secret from her. Through a series of clues and revelations, Mei learns that Chuck was involved in illegal activities and had enemies she never knew about. As Mei unravels the truth about Chuck’s hidden life, she must confront her own naivety and learn to see people for who they truly are.
4. The Fish out of Water:
Subtext Plot: After discovering Chuck’s body in her prop box, Mei finds herself thrust into a world of mystery and intrigue that she never imagined. As a novice magician, Mei is completely out of her element as she navigates the complex world of magic and murder. Despite her lack of experience, Mei must rise to the occasion and use her wit and resourcefulness to solve the case and clear her name.
5. Superior Position:
Subtext Plot: As Mei investigates Chuck’s murder, the audience is privy to information that she is not. While Mei struggles to uncover the truth, the audience knows that Billy is the true culprit behind Chuck’s murder. This creates tension and suspense as Mei unwittingly becomes embroiled in Billy’s schemes, unaware of the danger that surrounds her.
6. A Major Cover Up:
Subtext Plot: In the wake of Chuck’s murder, Billy and his accomplices scramble to cover up their involvement in the crime. As Mei investigates, she uncovers a web of lies and deceit as Billy and his allies work to conceal their guilt. With each new revelation, Mei gets closer to the truth, putting herself in danger as she threatens to expose the cover-up.
7. Competitive Agendas:
Subtext Plot: As Mei investigates Chuck’s murder, she finds herself in a race against time to uncover the truth before Billy can frame her for the crime. With both of them vying for control of the narrative, Mei and Billy engage in a high-stakes game of cat and mouse, each trying to outsmart the other. As tensions rise, Mei must use all of her cunning and skill to outmaneuver Billy and clear her name.
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Brandi’s transformative journey
Brandi’s vision: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience both delighted and eager for the next.
What I learned from doing this assignment: I’m a little unsure about the query. By myself, I created a decent character arc/ journey, but the AI generated one was a lot richer. Also, I’m able to pick and choose which ideas make more sense to my story. This allows me a richer story.
Arc Begins: At the beginning of the story, Mei Chang is a naive and ambitious young magician, eager to make a name for herself in the world of magic. However, she is also somewhat insecure and prone to lying, particularly to her parents in order to maintain financial support.
Arc Ends: By the end of the story, Mei has undergone a significant transformation. She has grown in confidence and maturity, learning the importance of honesty and integrity. Through her journey to uncover the truth behind her ex-boyfriend’s murder, Mei has become more resilient and resourceful, ultimately embracing her true self and her place in the magic community.
Improvement for Character Arc: To enhance Mei’s character arc, ensure that her growth is gradual and believable, with each obstacle she faces serving as a catalyst for change. Show moments of self-reflection and introspection where Mei confronts her flaws and learns from her mistakes, leading to a satisfying and impactful transformation by the story’s conclusion.
2. Internal/External Journey:
Internal Journey: Throughout the story, Mei undergoes a profound internal transformation, confronting her own insecurities and ethical dilemmas. She grapples with feelings of guilt and self-doubt as she navigates the murky waters of deception and betrayal. However, through her journey, Mei learns to trust herself and her instincts, ultimately finding the courage to confront the truth and stand up for what is right.
External Journey: Externally, Mei’s journey is marked by a series of challenges and obstacles as she races against time to solve the murder mystery. She encounters danger, deception, and unexpected twists and turns, all while trying to maintain her reputation and clear her name. Along the way, Mei must rely on her wits and resourcefulness to outsmart her adversaries and uncover the truth before it’s too late.
Improvement for Internal/External Journey: To enhance Mei’s internal journey, delve deeper into her emotional struggles and growth, showing the evolution of her character through meaningful interactions and pivotal moments. For the external journey, increase the stakes and tension by introducing new obstacles and complications that push Mei to her limits, testing her resolve and determination at every turn.
3. Old Ways/New Ways:
Old Ways: At the beginning of the movie, Mei’s old ways are characterized by her tendency to lie and deceive, both to herself and others. She relies on dishonesty as a crutch, fearing that the truth will reveal her insecurities and weaknesses. Mei’s old ways also include her naivety and lack of confidence, which often lead her into precarious situations.
New Ways: By the end of the movie, Mei’s new ways reflect her growth and transformation. She has shed her old habits of deceit and self-doubt, embracing honesty and integrity as guiding principles. Mei no longer hides behind a facade but instead faces the world with courage and authenticity, unafraid to confront the truth and stand up for justice.
Improvement for Old Ways/New Ways: To strengthen Mei’s character development, ensure that her old ways are consistently challenged and confronted throughout the story, leading to meaningful changes in her behavior and mindset by the end. Show concrete examples of Mei breaking free from her old patterns and embracing her new identity, reinforcing the themes of growth and self-discovery in a satisfying and resonant way.
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Brandi’s Intentional Lead Characters
Brandi’s vision for WIM: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience both thrilled and eager for the next.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: This is my favorite lesson so far. I really got to play with the AI query until I got what I wanted. Some of the queries were strong for one character or another, so I got to mix and match.
Character: Mei Chang
Logline: Mei is a novice magician who finds her ex boyfriend’s body in a prop box during a show
Unique: She has a passing relationship to the truth, having lied to her parents about being in school so they’ll pay her rent.Character: Billy Henry
Logline: Billy hates being chained to his father so much, that he contracts with Mei’s ex boyfriend to sabotage a magic prop to incapacitate, or even murder his father.
Unique: The only child of the world’s most famous magician, Billy put his life on hold in order to build his father’s magical empire, while losing his independence and identity.Character: Taco
Logline: The most in demand magician for children’s parties during the day, the most in demand clandestine adult magician at night.
Unique: A fun loving hedonistic at heart, he’s concerned about his legacy after being diagnosed with something nasty. -
Brandi’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!
Vision: I want the creative freedom to attract an audience that is passionate about my films, and regularly deliver films that are commercially successful and leave my audience both satisfied and eager for the next.
what I learned from this assignment: the protagonist vs antagonist was the obvious choice. I’ve usually been a pantser, but now it’s time to learn to do an outline.
Title: Nothing up my Sleeve but my Dead Ex-Boyfriend
Concept: After lying to the police when her ex-boyfriend’s dead body falls out of her prop box, a magician must figure out who really did it before she’s blamed, or becomes the next victim.
I have chosen a protagonist vs. antagonist structure
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Empowerment isn’t everything, but if you don’t have it you’re going nowhere.
Mix and match.
You can use boolean operations on AI tools.
This is fun!
Attitude is everything.
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Name? Brandi
How many scripts you’ve written? 4 features, ~6 shorts, ~15 sketch comedy
What you hope to get out of the class? some new techniques. I’d also like something great for my portfolio
Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I have a lot of experience with reptiles. You can ask me any questions and if I don’t know, I’ll know how to find the answer.
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Brandi Hoffman
I agree to the terms of this release form.
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Paradise Cafe
Logline -An idealistic environmental volunteer and a hedonistic digital nomad clash over a remote island’s meager internet service when the weekly ship transport strands her longer than expected.
JAY KAMEALOHA (30s) volunteers for an environmental group that helps Pacific islanders create their own fisheries to become more self sufficient and avoid opening the pristine island to the tourism he’s afraid will wreck it. Over the year he’s been there, he’s become part of the community – he helps elders patch roofs, teaches children about the ocean, plays guitar in the local community band. It’s great, but lonely. He’s not really one of them. One day, after the weekly cargo delivery, Jay goes to the local internet cafe to download his weather reports only to find that someone else is hogging all the bandwidth. GAIL TREVOR (30s, digital nomad) just arrived and is uploading her latest project to her employer. The internet just crawls and Jay can’t get his weather report. He’s annoyed and says something something stupid tourist but ultimately the cafe owner can’t do anything – she was there first. Every day the next week is more of the same. He gets there early, but she’s already there, uploading her files. The next boat will come soon, and he wants her to be on it. Jay sets out to ruin her stay on the island. When she lays out on the beach, he gets some of the kids to splash her with water, ruining her trashy novel. When she wants to go see the rain forest on a moped, he gets his friend to disable it. He uses all of his money to buy all of the liquor on the island. She doesn’t know that he’s behind all of her bad luck and just wants to leave as soon as possible.
She’s packed and ready to go, waiting on the dock when they get word – the boat is broken and won’t be coming for at least a couple of weeks.
She’s determined to work harder now that she’s stuck on this god forsaken island. Jay’s plan has backfired. No weather reports for him. New plan. Instead of making her day miserable, he makes nice so she’d be more likely to share. He invites her over to share a beer on the beach. She admits that her father instilled a love of travel in her and thinks of him on her adventures. As he gets to know her, he realizes he likes her. He takes her out to the rain forest on his moped and tells her why this place is special and why he needs to protect it from predatory developers. He shows her a beautiful, pristine waterfall with a pond, pointing out the little fishes. She’s delighted. She changes her mind and allows him to share the internet. He decides that she’s pretty okay and invites her over to dinner.
It’s romantic and beautiful and just as he’s about to kiss her….she sees the kids who ruined her book and the mechanic who told her the moped was broken and figures it all out. She gets angry and leaves.
Now Jay has no internet at all because she’s deliberately hogging it. Because he can’t get the weather reports, everyone is surprised when a storm hits the island unexpectedly. The hut where Jay repaired the roof for the senior is damaged and Jay and Gail work together to help her to safety. When the storm is over, they survey the damage. The island is wrecked. The garden is wrecked. And worst of all, the fishery is wrecked and all of the fishes are gone. All of Jay’s hard work is gone after a long, hard night. Gail tries to comfort him, saying that she’ll help him rebuild the island.
But now it’s Jay’s turn to get mad.
He blames her for the wreckage. If only they had the weather reports, they could have prevented the whole thing. And without the fishery, the village is more vulnerable to tourism than ever. He’s furious and blames her for the complete destruction of the island. Gail leaves on the next boat without saying goodbye. Miserable, Jay confides in the elder they saved, that he feels awful for yelling at Gail, but the storm is essentially her fault because she wouldn’t let him access the weather reports. The woman laughs and says that there wasn’t anything that could be done and that storms have been hitting the island since forever. And they both worked together to save her from her house collapsing.
He realizes that she’s right – the storm was going to hit the island anyway.
Gail didn’t cause the storm. And if he hadn’t tried to make her life miserable in the first place, they could have shared the internet. He deeply regrets the sharp words he used with Gail. He knows he was a jerk. He misses her. And she could be a great help in rebuilding the fishery and the other island resources. He goes back to his regular life, but nothing’s the same. Every place on the island reminds him of her – the beach, the fishing pond, and especially the internet cafe. Gail is gone forever and he can’t apologize to her for being a jerk.
But look – the owner of the internet cafe has a physical address for Gail.
Jay can send her a letter. She might not read it – she’s on the road a lot – but it’s his only shot. He spends days composing his letter, with pictures that the kids draw and stories about life in the village. It’s all very charming. At the end, he says he was a jerk and that he’s sorry for what he did. He seals the letter with a kiss, before beginning the long process of rebuilding. He salvages what’s left of the garden. He rebuilds the hut for the elder lady. And with help from the others in the community, they rebuild the fishery even better than before. When they’re starting to get back on their feet again, the central government opens up the island to more tourists to bring in money for better access to necessities. They’ll allow boats at first, then go from there. Of course, it’s a disaster. A party boat full of tourists trashes the island, leaving garbage in the fishery and mistreating the residents. Jay drowns his sorrows at the cafe. No one plays music anymore. No one is happy.
Gail appears, haunted by the pictures of the trashed village.
Jay hugs her, tells her that he’s sorry. They confess to each other that they both acted like asses. She shouldn’t have hogged all the internet and he shouldn’t have yelled at her. Gail saw the devastation and wants to help. Jay says that the government has made up its mind and there’s nothing they can do. Gail isn’t quite so sure. She takes some pictures of the fish and asks a university professor about it. It’s a new discovery and this island is the only place where they can be found. She spreads the information on the internet and gathers support until the central government is embarrassed and forced to back down. But they still want to build a hotel. Gail gets Jay an audience with her company, an exotic travel hotelier, and he explains what he told her – how wonderful this place is and why it should be preserved.
The executives look at each other and nod.
Three years later. A new boutique, eco-sensitive hotel has been built that has a small number of rooms. They use fresh, local food, including fish from the fishery. A local cook teaches classes. Another local leads hikes to the waterfall with the fish. Villagers share their culture with guests. A new school so the kids can stay with their families year round. A new health clinic. Jay and Gail are on the computer, talking to his family. He says that small number of rooms are booked a year out because everyone wants to see the fish, but he knows the manager. Gail is with him. His family asks if she’s pregnant, but they say no, the food is just too good.
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Bob – what do you need from a partner?
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Title: Paradise Cafe
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Logline: An idealistic environmental volunteer and a hedonistic digital nomad clash over a remote island’s meager internet service when the weekly ship transport strands her longer than expected.
Synopsis:
JAY KAMEALOHA (early 30s) volunteers for an environmental group that helps South Pacific islanders create their own fisheries using ancient Hawaiian techniques so that they could become more self sufficient and avoid opening the island to mass tourism.
He enjoys his life on the island, playing with children, fixing huts for the senior members of the community, planting gardens. It’s a great, but ultimately lonely life since he’s always thought of as a (helpful/ nice) foreigner, not one of THEM.
One day, after the weekly cargo ship drops off some equipment, Jay returns to the neighborhood internet cafe to find someone is gobbling up all of the internet bandwidth. It’s GAIL TREVOR (late 20s, digital nomad living out of her backpack, going wherever her mood takes her and doing whatever the hell she wants), who’s uploading her latest project for her employer.
The internet is slow. Like *really* slow. The shop owner comiserates, but nothing can be done – Gail was there first.
The same thing happens the next day, and the day after. Gail is hogging all of the internet. He tries to sweettalk her, bribe her, beg, plead, but she is unmoved. He takes her around the island and shows her everything he’s trying to accomplish. She’s impressed, but she still needs to upload her work every night and he can’t get there before she does.
At least it’s only going to last until she can leave on the next boat, right?
The weekly cargo ship breaks. Gail is stuck on the remote island for a while.
Jay is beyond frustrated. He can’t download the things he needs because of Gail. And she spends her time at the small island hostel drinking rum or reading trashy novels on the beach, or going hiking through the rain forest. She only cares about herself. He decides if he can’t cajole her into letting him have the internet connection, he can show her what he does with it.
He spends a day showing her the fishing pond and how it works. She’s enchanted and agrees to work with him so he can download his stuff.
They’re happily dating until one day, Gail has a huge file to upload. Jay has to download his file, but gives in because it’s really important to her.
That night, a storm hits the island. Houses are ruined. The garden is ruined. The fishery is ruined.
Jay is so angry about his hard work being destroyed that he takes it out on her. He calls her selfish and horrible even though he said that it was okay. She leaves on the next boat and he doesn’t even say goodbye.
Miserable, he confides in his local friend, who tells him that even if they had the weather report, there wasn’t anything that could have been done and that storms had been hitting the island since forever. Jay realizes that this is true and regrets that he said the hurtful words to Gail. But with no way to get in touch with her, he can’t tell her that he’s sorry.
He goes back to his regular life, but nothing feels right anymore. He goes to their old places – the internet cafe, the beach, the fishing pond, but it’s not the same. Gail is gone forever.
But look! The operator of the internet cafe has her physical address. He can send her a real letter. She might not read it – she’s on the road a lot, but it’s his only chance.
He spends days composing his letter, with pictures that the kids draw and stories about life in the village. It’s all very charming. At the end, he says he was a jerk and that he’s sorry for what he did. He seals the letter with a kiss, before beginning the long process of rebuilding.
The central government decides to open up the island to tourists. This is the moment that Jay has been dreading. Party boats invade the island. People toss trash into the fishing ponds and mistreat the villagers. It’s a disaster. And it’s not going to stop.
Then they get word that the central government has given a resort company a hundred year lease. They’re going to build a hotel on the other side of the island.
This is bad. Really bad. This means an airstrip and pollution and other horrible things. Jay and the villagers mourn – they can’t fight the central government. The lawyers have already won.
The next day, the weekly supply boat arrives.
Jay is drinking his sorrows at the internet cafe when suddenly, Gail appears. They hug and he tells her that he’s sorry in person. He also tells her how the central government sold the island to the government for tourism.
She tells him that it was her job to design the eco-resort, with limited rooms and organic food and solar power and that they wanted to keep the character of the island since she was able to convey how wonderful it was. He’s skeptical, but willing to see. And he trusts her.
Three years later:
The hotel is built. It conforms with the local scenery. It serves fresh fish from the fishery, prepared by a native chef. There are only a small number of tourists and people can enjoy the places that Jay took Gail. There’s a new school and a clinic.
The movie closes on Jay, in front of a camera, talking to his family in Hawaii. Behind him is Gail with a baby bump. Reservations are booked until the next year, but they know the manager. They end the call. Kiss. Happily ever after.
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does anyone want to partner up for this assignment? I write comedy – preferably action comedy. Also, as a producer, I have an idea for a romantic comedy.
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Brandi’s Key Business Decisions
What I learned doing this assignment: A number of key aspects can be modified in almost any story to make it more marketable to producers and audiences. Some cost money (set pieces) and some not so much (increased conflict in dialogue). Every decision can be a business decision.
Genre – action
Title – Lady Pirate
Concept – A woman sold into concubinage escapes from her abusive owner and turns to a life of crime as a pirate. When her beloved sister is stolen by the same man, she sets out to ruin his life.
Audience – <25 men and women
Budget – high
Lead Characters – Ming (Lady Pirate), Mei (younger sister), Mr. Woo (abusive owner)
Journey / Character Arc – Ming goes from being naive and trusting to mistress of her own destiny, able to follow her heart and depend on her instincts.
Opening / Ending – An idyllic farm where Ming and Mei contemplate her future/ an idyllic farm where Ming has retired after her life of piracy to raise her children, accompanied by MeiHow to make this more marketable: I can tone down some of the set pieces and have more of the action take place on land instead of the water to decrease the budget. I can also include more romance/ sex scenes to appeal more to the men.
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Brandi’s specialty
What I learned doing this assignment: I really love action comedies, which is really good because audience members really enjoy them.
I learned some of the conventions of this sub-genre. I intend to watch more action comedies and discover more. Even with my limited viewings, certain themes were repeated so that a Ryan Reynolds action comedy had a lot in common with a Female led Buddy action comedy.
I also really got the marketing aspect of targeting producers. Who wants to hire someone who *might* get the job done over someone who’s an expert in the field? In the marketing field, it’s how you break into an industry that’s stratified – you find something you can do better than other people and excel in that field.
1. My specialty – comedy
movie #1 – Free Guy
Genre: Action comedy
Title: Free Guy
How it delivered on the genre conventions: Ordinary guy in a situation where he needs to do extraordinary things. Guy is ordinary in a fun way – he likes Mariah Carey songs and is completely unfazed when players rob the bank where he works. He gains audience empathy/ relatability when he rejects the violence of the game and instead focuses on doing nice things instead of bad. He joins the quest of a fellow player/ love interest to solve a mystery, following his heart. Eventually, applying the lessons he learned along the way, he defeats the Big Bad and earns the love of the girl.
movie #2 – the Spy who Dumped Me
Genre: Action comedy
Title: the Spy who Dumped Me
How it delivered on the genre conventions: Ordinary woman in a situation where she needs to do extraordinary feats. Woman is ordinary as the straight foil to a hilarious friend. She gains audience empathy/ relatability when she rejects the end of her relationship and focuses on telling her former boyfriend off. With the help of her best friend, she gets into and out of trouble, eventually solving the mystery and falling in love with the male love interest. Eventually, applying the lessons she learned along the way and with the help of her bestie, she defeats the Big Bad and earns the love of the guy who actually deserves her.
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BTW, I’m totally opening to connecting with the other folks taking this class.
Look me up! Brandi Hoffman from Las Vegas
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Brandi’s LinkedIn Profile is Amazing!
Plan for improving credibility:
1. I rewrote my linked in profile today based on SU recommendations.
2. When I get more screenwriter connections, I will exchange endorsements and recommendations.
3. Once my profile is more solid, I will build my network of producers. First step is to make more screenwriter connections though.What I learned from this assignment:
Creating a profile is hard work! It’s kind of like creating a character who’s a screenwriter, and making her the most interesting screenwriter ever. For an introvert like me, this doesn’t come naturally. It’s something I have to work at. But I’m sure that the end result will be worth it.
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What I learned doing this assignment is: Connecting with people isn’t as scary as I thought it would be. A lot of people like me and many people welcome making new connections.
1. Credibility Model – Low credibility
2. Possible ways of increasing credibility – More screenwriting/ production type connections. Make a list of people I want to work with and tell them why I like what they’ve done.
3. I’ll put more work into my linked in and w-scripted profiles. I just reactivated them after a long absence. I can also spend 10-20 minutes a day working on work social media and try to deepen my connections.
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Brandi’s projects and insights
My projects:
1. Hit Mom. Action comedy about a middle aged former overachiever who balances raising a teenage daughter and a younger son with killing people for a living. 5 – 15M.
2. Lady Pirate. Action/ adventure set in Ming China about a woman sold into concubinage. She inadvertently gets recruited into a pirate crew after escaping her abusive husband, rising to captain, and avenging her beloved younger sister. 20-30 M.
What I learned:
Paid writing assignments are much like other contract work. You’re not working for yourself – your labor is exclusively benefiting another person, so you have to do things the way your employer wants. And like other contract work, you have to be easy to work with and actively encourage (and incorporate!) suggestions/ feedback.
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Brandi Hoffman
I’ve written four feature screenplays so far
I’ll learn how to make an income and gain credibility for myself in this class.
I have a lot of experience working in a hospital and I can help you with medical terms and workflows.
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Brandi Hoffman
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Sure. My email address is above.
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I’d like to. See my email above.
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so the mail function doesn’t seem to work….
Could you please email me your availability? I’m available this weekend, usually in the evenings. reptilhart2001@yahoo.com
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Okay. I sent you a connection request.
Brandi