[Brenda Clarke]

LESSON 10. BANTER/FLIRTING/EXPRESSIONS OF LOVE
Identify places in the script than these can be built in.
Write at least one scene for each and tell us how you built them in.
What I learned doing this assignment at the top.
Banter between Annie and Mollie at pub?
Flirting from Jean at Picnic (day of driving lesson)
Expressions of Love, When Mollie goes to bail Jean out of Prison.
BANTER:
INT. PUB – late evening.
Annie, Christabel and Mollie at the “special” pub in Soho. Mollie reaches into her pockets.
Annie: Right, I’m buying.
Annie: Blimey, putting your hand in yer’ pockets first thing of an evenin’?
Christabel: How many races have you won?
Mollie: None lately. Two pints, one . . .
Bar tender: . . . ginger beer.
Mollie smiles at the girls, they get their drinks & clink their glasses “Cheers”. They drink.
Annie: So come on spill the beans, who is she?
Mollie: Blimey is it that obvious?
Christabel: Well, someone’s dipped you in honey and rolled you in rose petals.
Annie: Yeah, you look like the cat that’s got the cream. Do we know her?
Mollie: I don’t want to say nothin’ just yet.
Annie: Oh well, she’s probably not your type, stuck up is she?
Mollie doesn’t respond, but grins from ear to ear.
Christabel: Come now, is it a new love or did you finally perfect that engine you’ve been tinkering with?
Mollie: (Smirks) Perhaps I’ve just taken up gardening. Fresh air, sunshine… works wonders for the skin.
Annie: What’s her name, Daisy? Rosey? Or somethin’ more exotic?
Mollie taps the side of her nose.
Annie: Perhaps she’s just pullin’ yer leg and she’s really only interested in dick.
Mollie: No, I’m not barking up the wrong tree with this one.
Christabel: Really?
Mollie: She definitely wants lickin’ not stickin’!
They LAUGH.
Annie: Good for you, so when do we get to meet this rare specimen?
Mollie: All in good time. (Grins) Let’s just say I’ve found something… or someone… worth savouring.
Annie: (Feigning shock) Goodness! And here I was thinkin’ you were sworn off all things romantic. What changed? Did Cupid finally perfect his aim?
Mollie: (Winks) More like I finally let down my defences. It’s rather pleasant, nevah’ felt like this before.
Christabel kisses Mollie on the cheek.
Annie: Right, I’m expectin’ a full report soon, with all the delicious details. “Lickin’ not Stickin” that’s a corker, I’ll be using that one for sure.
The women all LAUGH with each other, Mollie pleased as punch.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 4 weeks ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke
I have only touched the surface with these emotions but can be developed as I continue to work on this.
Lesson 9 Emotions of Love Part 2
BETRAYAL Jean’s mother betrays her by sabotaging Mollie’s car prior to her race. She is trying to destroy the relationship between her daughter and this unknown racing car driver. Jean also betrays Mollie by not admitting who she really is when they first start to get together.
ANGER Mollie is angered both by Jean’s honesty and also is angry when she finds out that it was Jean’s family Butler who tampered with the wheel on her car and that it was down to Jean’s mother.
PASSION is built up slowly from Jean’s perspective as she is secretly a virgin, and has to plan for the right time and place for her to be seduced by Mollie. Mollie on the other hand has longed for this moment and is eager to bed her lover.
OBSESSION Mollie talks obsessively to her friends about Jean. However, Jean is more secretive about her feelings for Mollie, yet deep down she is drawn towards her like a moth to a flame.
LOVE after Jean spends time in prison, she comes to the realisation that she is no different to any other woman, who wants to be heard, to have her say and to matter. “Votes for Women”.
Mollie realises that if she wants to continue a relationship with Jean/Cornelia she must get rid of some of her rough edges and be willing to forging Jean for not telling her the truth in order for them to move forward together in the relationship.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by  Brenda Clarke.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke
What I loved about this is that this lesson gives as the opportunities to dive deeper into the characters and their emotions 🙂

Emotions of Love Part 1.
ATTRACTION Meet-Cute at the garage, Mollie is instantly smitten with this stunningly attractive woman who turns up out of the blue at the garage. She takes her for a jaunt in one of her gizmo’s an electric tricycle.
Lady Cornelia Lyttleton alias Jean Horton, is at first mildly curious about Mollie upon their first meeting but it isn’t until she arrives at her family mansion to discuss driving lessons that she is attracted to Mollie and her sense of humour.
DESIRE Mollie more connected to her emotions wants to sleep with Jean, but lacks confidence because of the social divide.
Jean packs a picnic for her second driving lesson, she too now has a desire to know Mollie on a more intimate level.
YEARNING Mollie having slept with Jean yearns for a long-term relationship but doubts if it is ever possible.
Jean spurred on by her friend Ethel decides to give the servants time off, in order for her to have her way with Mollie, when she invites back to her London home for supper.
DOUBT Mollie doubts Jean’s love for her when she finds a letter addressed to Lady Cornelia Lyttleton, and that she has been lying to her about her real identity. This causes her to leave and left Jean feeling guilty for not telling Mollie sooner.
JEALOUSY is depicted by the older lesbian character Ethel, who when seeing the two young women together and so madly in love with each other decides to see if she can bed Mollie.
After Mollie drives Ethel back from a meeting, she is invited inside only to have Ethel try and seduce her. Mollie thwarts her advances and says her heart is lost to Jean/Cornelia and will have nothing to do with Ethel. Ethel, devastated is left hot under the collar. This should be a good opportunity for some more comedy.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke
This lesson really opens up the thought processes for adding comedy into the script, its just a beginning but room to grow:)
Lesson 7. Incongruent Situations:
Use this list to brainstorm Incongruent Situations for your Rom Com.
• 1. Misinterpretation
Mollie upon arriving at Cornelia’s home uses some Cockney Rhyming Slang, which she doesn’t understand
Eg:- Been a long drive on the frog and toad, in me ol’ jam jar, I could sure do with a Jimmy Riddle.
I beg your pardon?
Sorry can you point me in the direction of the privy.
Oh, down the corridor, the last door to your left.
• 2. Comedic Surprise
Mollie is in the pub with her friends celebrating her win. She is offered a pint of bear but refuses. She answers, “No thanks, I have only four rules that I live by:-
I .don’t drink, 2. I don’t smoke, 3. I don’t swear and 4. I don’t fuck men.
Oh, sorry 3 rules then, which gets a LAUGH. She smiles at her friends then orders:- “Ginger beer thanks”.
• 3. Wildly Inappropriate Response
When asked by one of her lesbian friends if her new “love interest” is perhaps only interested in men, Mollie replies, “no I have a gut instinct she wants Lickin’ not Stickin’! This too gets a big LAUGH
• 4. Forced union of incompatibles
Jean invites Mollie to a luncheon at the musical composers house. Mollie, is out of her depth, she doesn’t know what cutlery to use, she tries some cockney rhyming slang, which doesn’t go down well. She tries her best to be sociable but is a nervous wreck, she doesn’t want to disappoint Jean. (this needs to be developed further)
• 5. Embarrassment
Day of the first race where Mollie is dressed as a man, with short hair and moustache to complete the disguise. She wins the race, but the wind has loosened her moustache. Her actress friend, immediately notices this, as Mollie gets out of the car. The crowd cheer, her friend rushes up to Mollie and kisses her passionately on the mouth. The crowd enjoy this. After the kiss, her actress friend quickly whispers “Your moustache” they both immediately press it tightly to her upper lip. Molly embarrassed by this sudden show of affection, she goes bright red, which people notice in the crowd, some may respond “ Oh lucky chap, he’s on a promise”. ‘Woo Hoo” “Good on you” applaud etc. Mollie waves to the crowd as she accepts her winnings. Her and the actress quickly make their escape. This is all witnessed by Lady Cornelia Lyttleton.
Embarrassment with toppers:-
Mollie at Lady Cornelia’s mansion. She is served a pot of tea and some light refreshments. As Mollie reaches for a cucumber sandwich, Lady Cornelia/JEAN notices her dirty fingernails, raising her eyebrows, which Mollie notices. Mollie quickly responds:-
Mechanic: "I’m sorry for m’ nails. They look dirty, but I assure you they're squeeky clean. The grease just sticks around."
Woman: "Why is that?"
Mechanic: "Oh, it's my signature scent. You know how some people have a favourite perfume or cologne? Mine’s Mine’s 'Eau de Engine. Cornelia smirks.
Mollie tries to up the anti and improvises more names:-
Motor Musk . . .Piston Perfume . . .um . . .Spark Plug Splash.
Jean quietly giggles, this makes Mollie go for more names of perfumes.
Mollie:- Exhaust Elegance . . .Mechanics Mist . . . Lubricant Luxury, I’ve got it, what about “Diesel Delight”.
This gets a big LAUGH from Jean, (she gets the inuendo) Mollie LAUGHS along with her,
Mollie ends with OR something named after my beautiful host, how ‘bout . . .Gasket Glamour.
JEAN laughs "That is a unique fragrance!"
Jean sips her tea, as Mollie finally bites into the sandwich.
6. Comedic tragedy
Perhaps have the Musical Composer come on to Mollie, she has to work her way out of this sticky situation, of course does this with humour. Leaves the composer, hot/bothered/frustrated to say the least. (needs development)

• This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke
Going through this process, takes some quality brain time placing all the elements together, but having done it, I now realise I have the beginnings of an OUTLINE for the screenplay. This creates great depth both for the characters journey as well as moving the plot along for the viewers. Of course, it is not set in concrete but a great FOUNDATION to begin with:)
OUTLINE:
ACT 1. Introduce the Victorian city, highlighting the contrast between the luxurious upper class and the bustling lower classes. Introduce the two protagonists.

Opening Scene/s INITIAL STATE:
Mollie Johnson brilliant young woman from the south of London, a racing car driver, mechanic and inventor. She arrives at the Stage Door greeted by red headed actress Kitty Marion. Marion takes her to the wardrobe department, where she finds suitable men’s clothes for Mollie. Next, they find a false moustache and hat. Kitty’s Dressing Room: Unfortunately, Mollie’s hair gives her away, so Kitty persuades her to have it cut short, which she does then and there. Now fully dressed as a man, her disguise is complete. Mollie askes how much for all this to which Kitty answers:- My dear, come and pleasure me, is all I ask. Mollie not surprised by this request begins to take of the jacket, removes her hat, when Kitty pleads, “oh no, stay as you are” as she is pulled through make-shift curtains onto a small bed.
During the above Kitty questions Mollie’s need for this disguise. She reveals to her (both friends with Annie – probably both women have slept with Annie) that she wishes to enter racing car event, under her brother’s name Oliver Johnson. Who has been dragged off to Brighton with his wife and children and is unable to participate in the race. At this stage motor racing is a “Men Only” event. Mollie thinks she could win, if only she had the opportunity to give it a whirl.

HOME of Ethel Smyth: Lady Cornelia Lyttleton charming woman, daughter of major industrial family, (They own working Mills) alias Jean Horton, shares afternoon tea with her fellow like-minded women, who are all suffragettes. Amongst them is the composer Ethel Smyth, a rather butch lesbian, full of life and energy (lover of Emmaline Pankhurst). Cornelia reveals her parents are making it difficult for her to get away attend rallies, as the “coachman” always reports back to them what she is up to. Ethel suggest she purchase a motor vehicle, to be independent from her family and to have her own freedom. Cornelia agrees to do this but doesn’t know how to drive. Ethel hands her a brochure of the upcoming car race, and says she will most likely find someone willing to assist (for a fee) there.

DAY OF RACE: Mollie wins the car race, receives the 400 pounds money. Kitty and Annie are there to cheer her on together with Christabel Pankhurst. Cornelia attends the race and is impressed with the driver & winner. She approaches the race officials to find out who the winner is, they give her the name of Oliver Johnson and say that he owns and runs a garage in Elephant and Castle. Mollie enjoys her celebratory win at a “special” pub in Soho with the girls.

MEET – CUTE
GARAGE Cornelia turns up at the garage seeking Oliver. MOLLIE dressed in overalls, covered in dirt and grime, hammers out a dinted fender when Cornelia enters.
Cornelia mistakes Mollie for Oliver, Mollies says her brother is away working on another job and can she help? Through the discussion Mollie reveals that it was her who won the race and that she is actually a better mechanic and driver than her brother.
Mollie says he won’t be back till tomorrow & can she help. Cornelia fascinated by Mollie, finds out she was the driver that won the race. Mollie shows her some of her inventions, one of which is her electric tricycle. Mollie suggests she take her for a quick spin around the block, as she just might have enough charge in the battery. During the journey, locals wave hi/hello to Mollie, showing she is very popular person in her community. She grabs a snack (fish & chips) and shares it with Cornelia. SCRUF her dog comes along for the ride. Mollie lets Cornelia take over and drive, which is very exciting for her. Mollie captivated by the beautiful Cornelia, instantly attracted to her and secretly wonders if she may have a chance with this stranger.

Cornelia decides that Mollie will be the perfect person to teach her how to drive and sends a letter to the garage inviting her to her families home for “afternoon tea”.
Mollie upon receiving the letter, sets about making herself presentable for this “big date” as she sees it.
During the afternoon tea, Mollie goes to take a sandwich and Cornelia sees her black fingernails, is shocked. Mollie quickly apologises and says her nails are very clean but due to the grease, they have become permanently stained.
Eventually Cornelia takes Mollie to the stables where she reveals her brand-new motor vehicle. Mollie overcome with glee and the glistening new motor quickly starts sprouting her knowledge about the vehicle, in order to show off to Cornelia. Cornelia impressed by Mollie begins to show a little more interest in her. Mollie agrees to teach her to drive, both very interested in each other. Cornelia, wants to know what Mollie will charge for the lessons, Mollie doesn’t want to take any money from her, but suggests she cover the costs of her fuel to travel to her home.
During the afternoon Cornelia reveals to Mollie that she is very interested in the Suffrage Movement and wants to become more involved, but needs to keep it a secret from her family. Mollie is flabbergasted to find that Cornelia is so wealthy and connected.

ACT 2.
DRIVING LESSON
Perhaps whilst out in the countryside, Cornelia decides to take a break. Unbeknown to Mollie, Cornelia has packed a picknick basket and they enjoy a delightful time flirting with each other under the shade of a tree.
Cornelia explains that her parents are due back from India in the coming weeks and needs the car to be driven to London (her home away from the mansion). She feels she is not up to driving in the big city and asks if Mollie will help her. Mollie agrees, she is to catch the train, where Cornelia will pick her up and then Mollie will drive them both back to London. During the drive the two flirt with each other, Mollie reveals she would love to enter another race, as apart from helping her brother at the garage this is her only opportunity to make some good money.

They arrive at a beautiful home in Hampstead, with lovely front garden, side drive that used to be a stable for a horse & carriage. Cornelia, suggests she park in there. Cornelia, invites her inside for some supper, which one of her servants prepares. Mollie asks her outright “blimey who owns this place”. Cornelia says it is her London home, and the country estate belongs to her parents.

When about to leave, Mollie gets up the courage to kiss Cornelia. Cornelia, acts surprised but secretly is thrilled by this advancement. Mollie apologises if she has gone too far, but says she likes her and that she has always been a bit “ginger bear”. Cornelia doesn’t understand what she is saying and Mollie explains that she is queer, always has been. Cornelia although flattered, asks Mollie to leave.

GARAGE: INITIAL CHALLENGES:
Back at the garage Mollie upset that she crossed the line, but was sure she was getting the right signals. She is afraid that she is may be hitting above her league. Oliver suggests that his sister should not be associated with the upper crust and that nothing good will come of it.

Cornelia on the other hand lies to her parents, who think she is seeing someone on the sly. Her parents urge her to date a young gentleman, that her father knows that would make an ideal husband. Cornelia says she is not with anyone and that it is her political persuasions that take up most of her time. Her parents say that women will never get the vote so she might as well give up her endeavours all together. Her mother distraught, that she is probably past the marrying age and is fed up with her daughter’s behaviour.
MID TURNING POINT
Ethel pushes Cornelia to reveal who it is that she is “smitten with” as she can see it written all over her face. Cornelia mentions who it is and that she is working class and perhaps should not be associating with her.
INITIAL CHALLENGES: Despite being attracted to Mollie, she doesn’t believe there can be a future due to the class divide and very different personalities. Ethel shakes her up and says “good god woman, life is to short, go forward and see what happens”. You don’t want to die, never knowing what it is like to be in Love!

ACT 3. RETHINK EVERYTHING
DRIVING LESSON,
Mollie Mentions she is going to drive in another race, this time they are allowing women to enter. She sees this as a great opportunity for her. During drive Mollie uses Cornelia’s make-up mirror who uses it to see the traffic behind her gets an idea!
Cornelia offers Mollie supper once more, Mollie comes inside, to find that the supper is already laid out. Cornelia informs Mollie that the servants have been given time off, hinting that she wants her to spend the night.
Mollie thrilled, she knew she on the right track. The women sleep with each other for the first time.
NEW PLAN
Cornelia says she can get Mollie a job as a chauffeur for the head of the WPSU Emmeline Pankhurst, as she tries to win Mollies affections. After a night a bliss together, Mollie suggests Cornelia have an alias to protect her when she attends the rallies, in order to keep it a from her parents. JEAN HORTON.

NEXT DAY they go shopping to get Cornelia her disguise. Working Class dress, hat, glasses, shoes, stockings, handbag. Cornelia says she will get her servant to sew in “Jean Horton” a common London seamstress, a name tags into her apparel, even her underwear, in case she gets arrested, so it will also back up her alias.

Scenes with Jean Horton, protesting alongside Ethel and her friends. Jean finds herself mixed in with other women in their struggle for equality.
Mollie working on engine, inventing glove box, fixing a ladies mirror to the dash board (as the first rear view mirror).

Brother Oliver at dirt race track timing Mollie, they both agree the engine needs some fine tuning to increase the revs on the car, prior to the coming race.

RACE TRACK TRIAL DAY: Mollie, dressed as herself is in a race that allows both men and women. She has her trusted companion Scruf seated beside her. Some of the men make fun of her and her dog. Mollie says’ just wait til’ tomorrow, then we’ll see.
NEXT DAY of RACE, some of the men turn up with Toy Dog’s, Dog statues, strapped into the seat next to them. Some have dog painted on the side of their car door. Mollie comes wins the race. Afterwards in the club room Mollie hands out dog biscuits to her fellow racers. All enjoy the joke.

Mollie chauffers Emmaline and Ethel to a WPSU meeting. Mollie sees Ethel passionately kiss Emmaline and give her words of encouragement, before she goes into the hall, (to give a speech to a large audience).
Emmaline askes Mollie to wait in the laneway and afterwards to drive them home.

Cornelia’s mother visits her at her London home, wanting to know what’s going on. She sees a flier of an upcoming race. Cornelia says, she knows one of the drivers and is hoping she will win the race. The mother questions her daughter to find out who this person is. Cornelia reluctant to say anything, eventually mentions Mollie. Mother not happy with her daughter mixing with such low life and common sporting event. In a huff leaves for home. Coachman helps her in her carriage and off they trot back to her estate in the country.

TURNING POINT: MAJOR CONFLICT/OBSTACLE:
Cornelia’s mother pays the coachman to sabotage Mollies car prior to the race. (perhaps a wheel comes off) Mollie crashes the car, she is injured and Scruff dies? The winner of the race is another woman ELIZABETH LEVI, popular female driver. (Dorothy Levitt). Molly mentions to Cornelia the car must have been tampered with and blames Cornelia’s family. Cornelia takes umbrage at this and goes off in a huff. Days later Cornelia is arrested at a rally (throwing stones and breaking a shop window) spends time in prison.

ACT 4.
SELF REFLECTION: Mollie realises that she may have to change/improve both herself if she is to have a long-lasting relationship with Jean.

Cornelia having spent time in prison realises that she is not that much different from other working-class women, they too also want to be seen and to be heard and to be treated fairly and to be given the right to vote. Mollie goes to the Prison and pays for the bail for “Jean Horton”.
ACCEPTANCE AND GROWTH
Jean surprised to see Molly there waiting for her, looking more feminine, clean and tidy. (Mollie has made an effort).
Jean realises that she was perhaps too hard on Mollie and that she sees great strength in her and that perhaps Mollie may provide her with a more grounded and honest relationship, something that she has yearned for.
DEMONSTRATE THE CHANGE
Back at Jean’s home Mollie says she wants to enter an all female big race but realises that her car is not up to standard if she has any chances of winning. Jean kindly offers Mollie her car to drive, which she accepts. Jean confesses to Mollie that it was indeed her mother who put one of the staff up to wrecking her car, is furious with her parents and refuses to see them and apologies to Mollie and asks to be forgiven.

Mollie and her brother test drive the car and are impressed with the time trials.

RESOLUTION: RACE DAY/REUNION
Mollie wins the race, earns the respect and recognition for her skills. The public cheers her victory. Jean expresses her love for Mollie and asks her to move in to her home in London. Mollie agrees and Jean hands her a gift, which reveals a new puppy. The women commit to building a future together, blending their talents and challenging societal norms. They become fierce campaigners for Women’s Rights.

The two women are seen walking hand in hand, ready to face the future together, symbolizing the union of innovation and tradition and the power of love to transcend barriers, as they march the streets of London as suffragettes.
They march with their friends:- Ethel, Emmaline, Christabel & Annie, Kitty and “new friend”. (from Soho pub) Mollie carries her new puppy.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

BRENDA CLARKE
although this is not set in concrete, I learned that its important that both characters have equality as far as their journeys are concerned, giving the story a perspective from both points of view. This gives the story greater depth.
HER AND HER TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY
MOLLIE 1. INITIAL STATE: MOLLIE an outsider the rest of society, butch in her appearance and where she lives (at the back of the garage) and works. Her life is lonely apart from the companionship of her dog and her older brother Oliver. She has had sexual relationships with women before but never experienced falling in love.
2. MEET-CUTE MOMENT
Mollie captivated by the beautiful Cornelia, when she visits the Garage, (to visit Oliver). She is instantly attracted to her and wonders if she may have a chance with this stranger.
3. INITIAL CHALLENGES:
Mollie is out of her league, coming from a working-class background, feels she is out of her depth and uncomfortable when invited to Cornelia’s opulent family home for afternoon tea
4. MAJOR CONFLICT/OBSTACLE:
Mollie pressured by her brother not to pursue the relationship due to class differences and to stick to her own kind. Annie a friend and suffragette, wants to “bed” her.
5. SELF REFLECTION:
Mollie realises that she may have to change/improve both herself if she is to have a long-lasting relationship
6. ACCEPTANCE & GROWTH:
Mollie realises that she must smooth out her rough edges, in order to be more socially acceptable, especially in the company that Cornelia keeps.
7. DEMONSTRATE THE CHANGE:
Mollie enters an all-female race, having somewhat changed both her appearance and attitude.
8. REUNION:
A softer Mollie agrees to move in with Cornelia and is open to behaving in the more “social norms” of the day, but will continue to work at her brother’s garage and her inventions.

CORNELIA's TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY
1. INITIAL STATE: Despite coming from a well to do family, Cornelia desperate to mingle with her like minded female companions as far as the political world is concerned. She has not had a same sex relationship, but deep down feels that this is where here truth lies.
2. MEET-CUTE: She meets Mollie at the Garage, is first quite shocked but deep down feels an instant attraction to her.
3. INITIAL CHALLENGES: Whilst she feels attracted to Mollie, she doesn’t believe there can be a future due to the class divide and very different personalities.
4. MAJOR CONFLICT/OBSTACLE: Cornelia now finds herself mixed in with other women in her struggle for equality and gets herself arrested during a march.
5. SELF-REFLECTION: Cornelia now released from prison, realises that she is not that much different from other working-class women, they want to be seen and to be heard and to be treated fairly.
6. ACCEPTANCE AND GROWTH: Cornelia realises that she was perhaps too hard on Mollie and that she sees great strength and that Mollie will provide a more grounded and honest relationship that she has been yearning for.
7. DEMONSTRATE THE CHANGE: Cornelia apologises to Mollie for her attitude and offers her car to use in the big upcoming race.
8. REUNION: Mollie wins the race and Cornelia expresses her love for Mollie and asks her to live with her in her new home in London. The two women are then seen celebrating the victory of the right for women to vote as the march hand in hand together in the streets of London.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

BRENDA CLARKE
I learned that this creates more depth both for the Characters Love Journey but also creates more interest for the audience. this is a rough idea, but may change/develop as I continue to do the outline for this project.
7. STAGES OF LOVE
• 1. Meet-Cute
Both attend the Car Race, Mollie as a participant and Lady Cornelia as a spectator. Cornelia asks her driver to find out who the winner is and their contact details.
LATER: CORNELIA goes to the garage in south London expecting to find Mollie’s brother Oliver (whom she was told was the race winner).
MOLLIE dressed in overalls, covered in dirt and grime, hammers out a dinted fender when Cornelia enters.
Cornelia mistakes Mollie for Oliver, Mollies says her brother is away working on another job and can she help? Through the discussion Mollie reveals that it was her who won the race and that she is actually a better mechanic and driver than her brother.
Mollie instantly is attracted to Cornelia, but Cornelia confused about this incredible woman leaves with uncertainty about what she wants to do. She says she will be touch.
• 2. Attraction/Flirting
invitation for afternoon tea is sent to Mollie by Cornelia. Eventually Cornelia takes Mollie to the stables where she reveals her brand-new motor vehicle. Mollie overcome with glee and the glistening new motor quickly starts sprouting her knowledge about the vehicle, in order to show off to Cornelia. Cornelia impressed by Mollie begins to show a little more interest in her. Mollie agrees to teach her to drive, both very interested in each other.
• 3. Denial
Cornelia struggles with the mechanics of changing gears, and is also unsure of her attraction to Mollie and if she should pursue a relationship with this very unique individual.
• 4. Separation/Forced Together
Outside pressures get to both the women, Oliver suggests that his sister should not be associated with the upper crust and that nothing good will come of it. Cornelia on the other hand lies to her parents, who think she is seeing someone on the sly. Cornelia says she is not with anyone and that it is her political persuasions that take up most of her time. Her parents say that women will never get the vote so she might as well give up her endeavours all together.
• 5. Working through Issues/Differences
Cornelia says she can get Mollie a job as a chauffeur for the head of the WPSU Emmeline Pankhurst, as she tries to win back Mollies affections. Mollie on the other hand makes it obvious she wants to “bed” Cornelia. After a night a bliss together, Mollie suggests Cornelia have an alias to protect her when she attends the rallies, in order to keep it a from her parents. JEAN HORTON.
• 6. Hate/Betrayal/All Hope is Lost
Cornelia’s parents find out she is associated with the car racing events and hires someone to sabotage Mollies car. Mollie ends up injured when her car crashes, she can’t work out why and mentions to Cornelia the car must have been tampered with and blames Cornelia’s family. Cornelia devastated by the circumstances, decides to leave her family and purchases a home in London. Unbeknown to Mollie, Cornelia is arrested at a rally, (for throwing stones and breaking a shop window).
• 7. Love Happens
Mollie recovers and enters an all Female car race. One of Mollie’s friends finds out that Cornelia’s parents did tamper with the car and that Cornelia had nothing to do with it. Mollie and Cornelia get together, Cornelia says she has cut her ties with her family and after spending time in prison, realises she wants to spend the rest of her life with Mollie. Mollie overjoyed, now has the love and financial support to continue her racing career. She wins the race in Cornelia’s bigger and better vehicle and the two women hand in hand march in joyous rally together as they have just allowed the right to vote to women.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

BRENDA CLARKE, must have posted in wrong section?
What I learned was that even though I just started out with the romance in a modern day setting SNORE, doing this exercise really made LEAPS & BOUNDS as far as getting to the BIGGER PICTURE 🙂
A. WORLD English Victorian Setting with a Steampunk Aesthetic,
B. MAJOR CONFLICT Forbidden Love, Class Divide, Family Rivalries,
C. INTRIGUING SITUATION Suffragettes with a love of Car Racing and perhaps a major Competition
I have a basic 4 Act Outline, with only a hint at the characters names and an early title.
TITLE: "RACY WOMEN"
Act 1:
Opening:
• Introduce the Victorian city with its steampunk aesthetic, highlighting the contrast between the luxurious upper class and the bustling lower class.
• Introduce the two protagonists:
o The Inventor (Muriel): A brilliant young woman from the lower class, working on developing a groundbreaking petrol engine in her cluttered workshop.
o The Heir (Christabel): A charming and adventurous woman from a wealthy family that owns a major industrial company.
Inciting Incident:
• At a public car race, Muriel, disguised as a male racer to avoid detection, competes with her self-built petrol car. She catches Christabel's eye with her skill and daring driving.
Turning Point:
• Christable intrigued by the mysterious racer, discovers Muriel’s true identity and is impressed by her ingenuity. She proposes a secret collaboration to build a superior car for the upcoming prestigious race, despite knowing it would anger her family.
Act 2:
New Plan:
• They secretly work together, blending her engineering prowess with his resources. They meet in secluded locations, away from prying eyes, to develop the car.
Plan in Action:
• Their partnership deepens, and they begin to fall for each other. They face various challenges, including mechanical failures and close calls with being discovered by their families.
Midpoint Turning Point:
• During a test run in the underground racing circuit, they are confronted by Christabel’s cousin, who recognizes her and threatens to expose their collaboration, adding tension and urgency to their secret project.
Act 3:
Rethink Everything:
• They argue about the risks they are taking. Muriel fears that their relationship will jeopardize her dreams and her reputation. Christabel reassures her, but doubts linger.
New Plan:
• Determined to win and prove themselves, they decide to enter the official race under a new strategy: Muriel will race openly, and Christabel will provide covert support, leveraging his influence to navigate obstacles. But to avert attention from her family, she works with the Alias of Jane Goodwin, a common London Seamstress.
Turning Point: Huge Failure / Major Shift:
• On the day of the big race, just as Muriel is about to take the lead, Christabel’s family discovers their involvement. They sabotage the car, causing it to malfunction. Muriel barely avoids a crash, and their plan falls apart.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict:
• Despite the sabotage, Muriel refuses to give up. With Christabel’s / Janes encouragement and last-minute repairs, she gets back into the race. The climax is a thrilling race where she uses her ingenuity to overcome mechanical challenges and fierce competitors.
Resolution:
• Muriel wins the race, earning respect and recognition for her skills. The public cheers her victory, and her success forces both families to confront their prejudices and animosities.
• Christabel stands by Muriel publicly, defying his family’s expectations. They commit to building a future together, blending their talents and challenging societal norms, and become fierce campaigners Women’s Rights
• The story ends where they walk hand in hand, ready to face the future together, symbolizing the union of innovation and tradition, and the power of love to transcend barriers, as they march the streets of London as Suffragettes.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

BRENDA CLARKE, well this was a huge learning curve. Of course I just started with the romance of the story, in a modern day setting SNORE!!! so doing this lesson provided me with a great tool to THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX, what hasn’t been seen before etc. so this is what I came up with:
A. WORLD English Victorian Setting with a Steampunk Aesthetic,
B. MAJOR CONFLICT Forbidden Love, Class Divide, Family Rivalries,
C. INTRIGUING SITUATION Suffragettes with a love of Car Racing and perhaps a major Competition
I have a basic 4 Act Outline, with only a hint at the characters names and an early title. (which could all change as I keep outlining)
INSPIRED BY REAL CHARACTERS & EVENTS
TITLE: “RACY WOMEN”
Act 1:
Opening:
• Introduce the Victorian city with its steampunk aesthetic, highlighting the contrast between the luxurious upper class and the bustling lower class.
• Introduce the two protagonists:
o The Inventor (Muriel): A brilliant young woman from the lower class, working on developing a groundbreaking petrol engine in her cluttered workshop.
o The Heir (Christabel): A charming and adventurous woman from a wealthy family that owns a major industrial company.
Inciting Incident:
• At a public car race, Muriel, disguised as a male racer to avoid detection, competes with her self-built petrol car. She catches Christabel’s eye with her skill and daring driving.
Turning Point:
• Christable intrigued by the mysterious racer, discovers Muriel’s true identity and is impressed by her ingenuity. She proposes a secret collaboration to build a superior car for the upcoming prestigious race, despite knowing it would anger her family.
Act 2:
New Plan:
• They secretly work together, blending her engineering prowess with his resources. They meet in secluded locations, away from prying eyes, to develop the car.
Plan in Action:
• Their partnership deepens, and they begin to fall for each other. They face various challenges, including mechanical failures and close calls with being discovered by their families.
Midpoint Turning Point:
• During a test run in the underground racing circuit, they are confronted by Christabel’s cousin, who recognizes her and threatens to expose their collaboration, adding tension and urgency to their secret project.
Act 3:
Rethink Everything:
• They argue about the risks they are taking. Muriel fears that their relationship will jeopardize her dreams and her reputation. Christabel reassures her, but doubts linger.
New Plan:
• Determined to win and prove themselves, they decide to enter the official race under a new strategy: Muriel will race openly, and Christabel will provide covert support, leveraging his influence to navigate obstacles. But to avert attention from her family, she works with the Alias of Jane Goodwin, a common London Seamstress.
Turning Point: Huge Failure / Major Shift:
• On the day of the big race, just as Muriel is about to take the lead, Christabel’s family discovers their involvement. They sabotage the car, causing it to malfunction. Muriel barely avoids a crash, and their plan falls apart.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict:
• Despite the sabotage, Muriel refuses to give up. With Christabel’s / Janes encouragement and last-minute repairs, she gets back into the race. The climax is a thrilling race where she uses her ingenuity to overcome mechanical challenges and fierce competitors.
Resolution:
• Muriel wins the race, earning respect and recognition for her skills. The public cheers her victory, and her success forces both families to confront their prejudices and animosities.
• Christabel stands by Muriel publicly, defying his family’s expectations. They commit to building a future together, blending their talents and challenging societal norms, and become fierce campaigners Women’s Rights
• The story ends where they walk hand in hand, ready to face the future together, symbolizing the union of innovation and tradition, and the power of love to transcend barriers, as they march the streets of London as Suffragettes.

[Brenda Clarke]

BRENDA CLARKE, this is helping me see the greater depth to what the characters needs are and is something that I can improve upon as I keep outlining this project.
Who is she?
A devoted mother, who has put her needs aside as her children came first

Who is SHE?
A corporate lesbian who takes life a bit too seriously and is missing a real relationship in life.

What makes them lovable?
The Mother is down to earth, spontaneous and fun
Corporate Woman despite her brash exterior is vulnerable, friendly good person

What attracts them to each other?
Mother instantly attracted to the athleticism of corporate woman, “sporty type” but likes her kindness (as she realises she let her win the tennis match)
Corporate woman loves the mother’s honesty and her sense of humour, a type she normally wouldn’t go for. (straight)

What needs do they fulfill for the other?
Mother fulfills in Corporate Woman the possibility of a long term loving relationship, a simplicity and safe space that she hasn’t had from previous relationships.

Corporate Woman fulfills in the Mother a sense of adventure, that she is doing something for herself for once, and being in a same sex relationship that she has secretly longed for.

[Brenda Clarke]

BRENDA CLARKE I am learning that their needs to be just as much detail and depth in a Rom-Com as in a drama to be successful. I am struggling with the BIGGER STORY at present, but hopefully thoughts will develop along the way.
Two People Who Belong Together:
A divorced woman with two grown children longing to find her true self.
A corporate lesbian set in her ways, seeks a loving and long-term companion

How are they separated:
Family and friends keep them apart

What forces them together?
The corporate lesbian is a Substitute player at the local tennis club where the two women meet.

Issues to be resolved:
Corporate lesbian must overcome her fear of “family” and “the children”
Mother must overcome her fear of “coming out” to her family

On Their Journey of Love:
The two need to grow as individuals and they both have what they are looking for a long-term loving relationship

Experience of Falling Love:
The corporate woman a great sportsperson, lets the mother win the game of tennis. The mother instantly attracted to her new tennis partner

The Journey of Love:
The mother eventually plucks up the courage to invite her new friend to the family holiday home for the weekend.

Issues each must Resolve:
Corporate woman must broaden her horizons as she is stuck in her ways, tired of “the scene” but has to overcome her dislike of “traditional families & Children”. The Mother has to come to the realisation that she has probably been gay her whole life and now is the time to come out and be happy or stay in the closet and be lonely.

Separation:
Corporate woman’s lesbian friends not encouraging with regards to her new tennis chum, stick with what she knows. Mother’s daughter is the main problem, who is outraged by her mother’s revelation, even though she is dating an older professor from her university. The son however, embraces his mothers new found freedom (he too is gay)

How will COMEDY be expressed:
Through character/dialogue, situations and visually.

CONCEPT:
Sparks fly when two women from different backgrounds meet and despite their family and friends objecting to this new found friendship the women forge a life-long love for each other.

[Brenda Clarke]

G'day everyone, Brenda Clarke here from Down Under. glad to be a part of this class.
I have written several feature films and a couple of shorts. I mainly write true stories or works that feature female characters.
Even thought I don't consider Rom Com's to be a genre that I want to specialise in, I feel that I need to incorporate humour/comedy into the rest of my work and thought this class would give me some insight.
I have a background in the performing arts working as an Actress/Presenter both in Australia, UK/West End.
I’m joining late as I recently returned from a road trip up to the Murray River checking out Paddle Steamer Boats! Catching UP with first lesson just now 🙂

Cheers, 🙂

• This reply was modified 9 months, 4 weeks ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

I agree to the terms of this release form

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke NEW THRILLER MAP, I AM READY TO EXCHANGE

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Brenda Clarke.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Brenda Clarke.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke THRILLER MAP READABLE OUTLINE

I realised that my Map Outline prior to this should have been more in dot points, rather than sentences. So converting what I already had into scenes was an easier task.

Its great to see how the “creative mind” works out answers, this is still is a work in progress 🙂

MAI stands for Martial Arts Instructor (I’m still working out character names)

TITLE: TRIAD TIES: A Daughters Deadly Quest (I have other titles to chose from – not sure which way to go yet)

LOGLINE: A daughter enlists her former Martial Arts Mentor to help rescue her abducted parents from Chinese Triads, unveiling family secrets and a deadly vendetta.

NEW THRILLER MAP

Act 1. Opening:

EXT. BEACH – DAY
Daughter gives a Yoga class out on lawn beside beach, in Australia. Appears to be a relaxed individual.
INT. APARTMENT – EVENING
Later at home she witnesses her mother (who lives in China) being abducted by 3 Asian men whilst on a video chat with her.
She calls her father, he is not answering his phone. SHOT Father’s office has been trashed. The Daughter stresses: Are they going to kill her mother?
Why would these strange men abduct her mother? Where is her father?

Act 2. Inciting Incident:

INT. APARTMENT – LATER THAT NIGHT
Daughter rings her ex Martial Arts Instructor (known as MAI for now) and shows her the picture of man’s dragon tattoo. MAI informs her that the men are soldiers of the Chinese Triads, who happen to operate both in Melbourne Australia/Macau China. She says that daughter must find out more information about them from her end. Whilst she tries to find out information her end (China).

She has to uncover the truth and rescue her mother.
Daughter realizes she needs to go deeper into the criminal underworld to find her parents. She goes to Casino to seek out leads.
How did MAI know about Triads in Melbourne?

EXT. CASINO – NIGHT
City Night Skyline; Flame torches outside Casino, Park Bench by Yarra River.
The daughter opens a package, takes out small electronic devise, places battery in the back and connects the device to her smart phone. She heads into Casino.

She puts herself at risk should she be discovered by Triads Who are these men and what do they want with her mother? Why hasn’t she heard back from her father?

INT. CASINO – LATER
At the Casino, she sees a Chinese Guard type in the key lock number 416 and opens a door for someone important, they both go inside.
She buys a drink at the bar goes to ladies toilets.

INT. LADIES TOILETS
Inside she rinses mouth out with alcohol, splashes the rest over her hair/clothes. She wets her face, so eye make-up runs, she dishevels her hair.

EXT. CASINO – LATER
She sees the two men leave the room. She cautiously approaches the room, makes sure no one is watching her, types in the code and enters.

INT. TRIADS OFFICE – LATER
LARGE WHITE PAPER FAN encased in glass mounted on back wall.
She brazenly enters room, looking for answers sees the newspaper on desk with article:- “Millions of Dollars of Heroin Seized at Port Melbourne Docks”. “The Corporation” have been dealing in shipments of Heroin and a large container was seized a few weeks ago by the Australian authorities.

Someone suddenly enters room; she acts drunk and complains the Casino has robbed her of her money, whilst they try to remove her she quickly tucks the listening devise underneath a desk. The Guard removes her.

INT. CAR – NIGHT
Later in the carpark, she hears their conversation via her mobile phone:
The Corporation, “White Paper Fan” known as The Administrator, talks about cop in China who could have betrayed them. Why would he do this? they have been paying him well? They must find the traitor or the Dragon Master, will have them all murdered.

Act 3. Turning Point:

INT. CHEAP HOTEL ROOM – MORNING
Mother taped to a chair, her hands also taped. She is slapped/punched about by Triad Soldier; she doesn’t know where her husband is. He hasn’t been home for three days, he said he was “out of town on business”. She is in pain and stressed, frightened for her life.

Soldier believes her, he throws her a bottle of water, he takes out mobile phone, walks away (as he dials “I believe her, she doesn’t know anything”.

Why are they punishing her if she doesn’t know anything?
Are they going to kill her?
Who are they? Why do they want the father/husband? Who is he talking to on the phone?

INT. APARTMENT – DAY
MAI instructor with this new information says she must come ASAP to China to further her investigations. She feels she is not up for it, ex teacher re assures her, she must dig deep to find her “Fighting Warrior”, fight to survive? Bit cryptic as later daughter is revealed as expert fighter.

INT. PLANE, SEAT – DAY
On flight daughter looks into Chinese Triad gangs on her lap top. “WikipediA Triad (organized crime)

EXT. OFFICE BUILDING – NIGHT
Introduce “The Dragon”: He arrives in smart black new Mercedes, he goes into office, Soldier accompanies him.
Chinese Policeman, waits outside is ushered in: The Dragon Accuses Policeman (Law enforcement and intel who overseas defensive and offensive operations) of informing authorities, re seizure of Heroin in Australia, he pulls a gun on him.
The Corporation in Australia are furious, millions of dollars lost. Policeman says he is innocent, why would he? He is getting rich on assisting the Triads with these shipments.
Dragon shows him a picture of father/husband, he is of important interest perhaps he has something to do with seizure as he was in Australia at the time.
The Dragon, informs him this is his last chance. Cop looks guilty – I’ll find him, he leaves.

Phone rings, Dragon answers, any updates? (Triad with Mother: “I believe her, she doesn’t know anything”.)
Furious, The Dragon throws a giant pop-plant at his soldier, which smashes against the wall. He knows this man is guilty, they must find him or else they will kill his wife/ even put a bullet through his soldiers’ head.

Somehow the father is involved with the Triads.
INT. FATHERS OFFICE – DAY
Daughter whilst searching through fathers wrecked office, picks up broken picture frame: image of father/mother/daughter (her at young age) she finds father’s secret journal with information regarding, The Corporation and their involvement with shipping Heroin into Australia. Lists of shipping details: names/dates/cargo container numbers etc.

Also with various photographs of Triad tattoos, stuck in book.
When she leaves the office she realises that someone is tailing her, he catches up to her and starts to fight. She fights back, he collapses and she escapes.

We find out that the daughter is a champion Martial Arts Practitioner.
Daughter decides to hide this new bit of evidence from her MAI as she is not sure if she can be trusted.
Why does her father have such a journal with this information that makes no sense to her. Will she find clues to help find her mother? What is her father up to and why is he in hiding? She is being followed, who is following her and what are they after?

Act 4. Midpoint:

INT. MAI APARTMENT – NIGHT
MAI finds a location of where some of the Triad soldiers hang out. How did MAI know about this bar? The daughter not sure if she can trust the MAI, what other secrets is she keeping from her? The daughter confronts her mentor, “is she a double agent and actually works for the Triads? The daughter questions MAI motives, she is not sure if she can be trusted The MAI reveals that knows someone with shady past, with Triad criminal activities and that this is where he sometimes hangs out.

INT. SLEEZY BAR – NIGHT
The Daughter goes to the bar by herself (as MAI may be recognised if she goes there), where she seeks out information where they may be holding her mother. Daughter hears of a shabby hotel, where the men visit prostitutes (nearby where they may have her mother held captive).

INT. ABANDONED ROOM – MORNING
Shady part of town: The father/husband quickly throws some clothes/belongings into a backpack. He removes a secret panel behind bathroom vanity mirror, pulls out bundles of cash, several passports and throws them into bag. He puts on jacket and cap He hears footsteps approach down hallway, he quickly darts out through a window, down a fire escape and hurries down a back alley.
She is exposing herself once in the company of these underworld soldiers.
Who are these men and what do they want with her mother?

INT. CHEAP HOTEL – DAY
Mother now distrusts her husband, she reveals that he is often away “on business” and she sometimes doesn’t hear from him for days – she suspected at first that he was being unfaithful, but now realises that perhaps he is a liar and a common criminal not to be trusted. She doesn’t know anything. The Soldier gives her a plate of food.

EXT. STREET – DAY
The father runs through the streets, he is abducted by Triad Soldiers and thrown into the back of a van, The Bent Cop is present dishes out the orders. Van drives off.

Act 5. Turning Point:

EXT. STREET – DAY
MAI and daughter track mothers mobile phone to the last pin point before her phone was switched off. Her and MA Instructor find the location of a small hotel where the mother is being held, fight the soldiers who have weapons and rescue her.
FIGHT Sequence. Two women outnumbered by six men. They rescue the mother.
Mother explains, they are after information about her husband/father. WHY? What is going on? (Mother’s Injuries: a few bruises and perhaps broken rib?)

INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT/ KITCHEN – DAY
The Dragon questions an opposing Triad leader to see if they informed the Australian authorities about the Heroin shipment – he denies it – FIGHT SCENE, Dragon shoots him in the head, quickly escapes.

INT. TRIAD OFFICE – NIGHT
Dragon gets one of his soldiers (computer tech) to leave “video evidence” that the father/husband was in the location at the time of the shooting. This incriminates John to this murder. The Dragon orders Soldier to “email” doctored video to Bent Policeman uses this to manipulate the authorities/public and distance himself from the crime.
He establishes false alibis for the Murder of Triad Leader, to put the police off track.
Phone rings: Soldier informs that daughter and strange woman attacked them and rescued mother. Dragon now wants the daughter hunted down, perhaps they can use her as bait for the father?

INT. MAI APARTMENT – DAY
Daughter says she is going somewhere, to follow up on a lead. MAI now suspicious of daughter, as she is not telling her everything. Mother warns her to be careful. She goes to tattoo shop, to find out if someone can identify the tattoo photographs.

INT. TATTOO PARLOUR – DAY
A rather shady tattoo parlour with suspect characters
Worker identifies tattoo and says he is one of the soldiers of Triad gang, but if she wants to know who the leader of the gang is she has to pay up. She hands him money, he shows her back photographs of “Mogwai” Monster/evil spirit/devil/demons which inflict harm on humans. He doesn’t know his real name but is known simply as “The Dragon”. She takes photo and leaves.

EXT. STREET – LATER
Daughter takes out father’s journal, flips through the pages, she sees he has the same image of tattoo in his book.
Is this the man who is after her and her family?
Who is this man, what is his name? Is he the Dragon Head of The Corporation?

Act 6. Turning Point:

INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
Father/husband now held hostage in an abandoned warehouse, is tortured/interrogated by The Dragon. (as he is simply a business man dealing with a very legitimate import/export business. Beside he can prove he was not in Australia at the time of the seizure. The father lies.
he states he is innocent and they have the wrong man.

The Dragon informs father, they are now after the daughter & once they have her, he will tell him the truth. They continue to torture father who still refuses to give them the answers they are after. NO DON’T HURT MY FAMILY. You can do anything to me but leave them out of this!

As the father, no longer giving him what he wants, he decides to take John and move him to another location, to a very remote location where the daughter will never find them and he can eventually kill father/husband. This is very difficult as John now has severe injuries, leaves a trail of blood. (he gets soldiers to untie the almost unconscious father, throw him into back of van) Soldier drives off with The Dragon sitting beside him).

INT. MAI APARTMENT – NIGHT
Daughter/MA, help mother recoup. They see a NEWS Bulletin with Interview of Bent Cop, where her father is implicated in the murder of an opposing Triad gang Leader (compromised video from The Dragon) and is in hiding from the Chinese Authorities. Mother’s suspicions now confirmed, daughter can’t believe what her father is involved in, MAI non-committal, but shocked. MAI says she has to go somewhere & follow up on a lead. Daughter wants to come with her but MAI refuses to take her. This makes daughter even more suspicious of MAI

EXT. LANE WAY – NIGHT
MAI has secret meeting with a stranger, A young Man with similar “dragon tattoo’s” in Dark Laneway, he passes her a note, she gives him a bundle of cash tied with elastic band. who is this young man?
Is MAI involved with Triads?
Is she good and can be trusted? Or is she Bad and be avoided at all costs?

INT. MAI APARTMENT – MORNING
MAI hands daughter an address, “What’s this”, it came from my informer. I asked him to keep an ear open for me. He says they have your father held there. She grabs note and quickly leaves.

INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUS – DAY
Daughter goes to warehouse and sees her father’s blood, she follows the blood trials that go outside into the street and suddenly stop, she doesn’t know what to do?

INT. MAI APARTMENT – DAY
The Daughter informs MAI/mother where trial of blood was heading on the main road, must have escaped via car. Has she hit a dead end? Will she find her father alive? Where have they taken him?

She decides to go back to the bar to see if she can get any more leads (secretly wants to find out about “The Dragon”.

Act 7. Climax:.

EXT. STREET – DAY
She drives up to bar, before she is able to get off her bike, (just removes helmet) is chased away by Triad on his motor bike. MOTOR BIKE CHASE. He crashes, badly injured, she takes off his helmet, it is the same man that MAI gave money in exchange for some informant. She hears him whisper “shan” but doesn’t know what it means (mountain) then “sorry Aunty” – he dies, she quickly leaves the scene of the accident.
How is she going to rescue her father without the Triads finding her first?
Did her father commit this recent murder? Can she trust her father?

Daughter confesses to MAI about the death of man who chased her on bike. Reveals “Shan” MAI says it means “Mountain” they don’t know what it means. Also, he said “Sorry Aunty” what’s that all about? MAI tells them that the informer was her nephew, that she can be trusted.

Daughter shares “The Dragon” name/photograph given to her by tattoo artist, MAI googles The Dragons real name and searches his family history. She finds the grandfathers original home up in the mountains. Nephew was trying to help them with a clue, MAI cries for her nephew, know that he wasn’t a bad person after all.

The Daughter wants MAI to stay and protect her mother, that she must do this herself.

INT. ROOM/HOUSE IN MOUNTAINS – NIGHT
The Dragon fists bloodied, father/husband almost unconscious. Dragon tells father he is not concerned of loss of Millions of Dollars as he is filthy rich and can always get another shipment off to Australia. He informs him that he knows he is the man that killed his father and that he is going to slowly/painfully end his life.

EXT. ON THE ROAD/MOUNTAINS – NIGHT
The daughter travels up into the Mountains, to his grandfather’s home in a small isolated village. She kills the guard outside the home and then

INT. ROOM/HOUSE MOUNTAINS – NIGHT
kills the second soldier inside the home who happens to be the Bent Cop, before she finally confronts the Villain.

A FIGHT to the death ensues, eventually he falls to his death. She rescues her father and reunites him with his wife/mother.

Act 8. Resolution:

INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
The family are reunited with MAI.
The Father explains his innocence in the Triad murder and says he was set up by the Dragon/Bent Cop (who was onto him and perhaps his undercover Identity)
BUT reveals he is an undercover agent (CIA operative) who has been working to arrest/destroy The Corporation with regards to them trafficking Heroin from China into Australia.

Daughter gives father his journal, he is grateful as this is evidence he has to hand in for his report.

He also reveals years ago, in the line of duty shot The Dragons father. (maybe flashback?)
He also admits he exposed the Heroin shipment to Australia, as he was following leads from a police informant, which is why the Corporation were desperate to seek out and track their informer down and eliminate them.
Father suggests feedback false information that the Bent Cop was the informer to the Corporation in Australia, MAI reveals her nephew, was trying to help her he was a good person. Father/husband agrees, so as not to blow his cover.

MAI reveals that many years ago when her father first came to China that she was one of his informants and has been helping him with his cases, ever since.

The daughter now faces the aftermath of her ordeal and the challenges of rebuilding her life with her family.
Does the daughter go back to being a Yoga Instructor or does she go on a different path? Join her father in becoming a spy?

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke MISDIRECTING YOUR AUDIENCE

I’m learning that I already had a few Misdirections in the outline. However, by breaking them up into these various categories I was able to clarify the ones I already had and was able to add a few new ones. Some of my previous Truths & Betrayals have also had clarity and I’ve been able to add them in as well:)

I am probably going to need assistance in the exchanges as some of the REVEALS at the end are a bit lame. 🙏

NEW THRILLER MAP

Act 1. Opening: Daughter gives a Yoga class out on lawn beside beach, in Australia. Later at home she witnesses her mother (who lives in China) being abducted by 3 Asian men whilst on a video chat with her.
She calls her father, he is not answering his phone. Father’s office has been trashed.

DANGER: Life Threatening: Are they going to kill her mother?
INTRIGUE: Why would these strange men abduct her mother? Where is her father? VILLAINS PLAN: Abduct the wife and torture her for information to the whereabouts of her husband.

Act 2. Inciting Incident: She now has to uncover the truth and rescue her mother.
Daughter rings her ex Martial Arts instructor and shows her the picture of man’s dragon tattoo. MA informs her that the men are soldiers of the Chinese Triads, who happen to operate both in Melbourne Australia/Macau China. She says that daughter must find out more information about them from her end.
Daughter realizes she needs to go deeper into the criminal underworld to find her parents. She goes undercover to Casino to seek out leads.
The daughter opens a package, takes out small electronic devise, places battery in the back and connects the device to her smart phone.
Life Threatening: She puts herself at risk should she be discovered by Triads
MYSTERY: Who are these men and what do they want with her mother? Why hasn’t she heard back from her father?
VILLAINS PLAN: Track down John and slowly torture him to death (for revenge of his father’s murder.) This is the COVER UP.
At the Casino, she sees a Chinese Guard standing outside a door. She buys a drink at the bar goes to ladies toilets. Inside she rinses mouth out with alcohol, splashes the rest over her hair/clothes. She wets her face, so eye make-up runs, she dishevels her hair.
Watches guard till he leaves, she enters room, looking for answers sees the newspaper on desk with article:-
she finds “The Corporation” have been dealing in shipments of Heroin and a large container was seized a few weeks ago by the Australian authorities.
Someone suddenly enters room; she acts drunk and complains the Casino has robbed her of her money, whilst they try to remove her she quickly tucks the listening devise underneath a desk. They remove her.
Later in the carpark, she hears their conversation:
The Corporation are trying to track down their informer and are searching for them both in Australia and in China to assist investigation. About cop in China who could have betrayed The Corporation? Who is he? Why would he do this? Red Herring Character? MISDIRECTION.

Act 3. Turning Point: Mother taped to a chair, her hands also taped. She is slapped/punched about by Triad Soldier, she doesn’t know where her husband is. He hasn’t been home for three days, he said he was “out of town on business”. She is in pain and stressed, frightened for her life.

Soldier believes her, he throws her a bottle of water, he takes out mobile phone, walks away (as he dials “I believe her, she doesn’t know anything”.)
INTRIGUE: Why are they punishing her if she doesn’t know anything?
SUSPENSE: are they going to kill her?

MYSTERY: Who are they? Why do they want the father/husband? Who is he talking to on the phone?

MA instructor with this new information says she must come ASAP to China to further her investigations. On flight daughter looks into Chinese Triad gangs on her lap top.
Life Threatening: She feels she is not up for it, ex teacher re assures her, she must dig deep to find her “Fighting Warrior”, fight to survive.
Introduce “The Dragon”: He arrives in smart black new Mercedes, he goes into office, Soldier accompanies him. Chinese Policeman, (Red Herring?) waiting outside is ushered in: The Dragon Accuses Policeman of informing authorities, re seizure of Heroin in Australia, he pulls a gun on him, The Corporation in Australia are furious, millions of dollars lost. Policeman says he is innocent, why would he? He is getting rich on assisting the Triads with these shipments. Dragon shows him a picture of father/husband, he is of interest (in his fathers death), perhaps he has something to do with seizure as he was in Australia at the time. The Dragon, informs him this is his last chance. Cop looks guilty – I’ll find him, he leaves.

Phone rings, Dragon answers, any updates? (Triad with Mother: “I believe her, she doesn’t know anything”.)
Furious, he throws a giant pop-plant at his soldier, which smashes against the wall. (Says he knows this is his father’s “fucking killer”) they must find him or else they will kill his wife/ even put a bullet through his soldiers’ head.

VILLAINS PLAN: To find the hiding place of John, abduct and torture him.
Triad Soldiers interrogate mother about the whereabouts of her husband. She doesn’t know anything and says he is away “on business”. Somehow the father is involved with the Triads.

INTRIGUE: Daughter whilst searching through fathers wrecked office, picks up broken picture frame: image of father/mother/daughter (her at young age) she finds father’s secret journal with information regarding, The Corporation and their involvement with shipping Heroin into Australia. Lists of shipping details: names/dates/cargo container numbers etc. Also with various photographs of Triad tattoos, stuck in book.

SUSPENSE: When she leaves the office she realises that someone is tailing her, he catches up to her and starts to fight. She fights back, he collapses and she escapes.
MYSTERY/REVEAL: We find out that the daughter is a champion Martial Arts Practitioner. Daughter decides to hide this new bit of evidence from her MAI as she is not sure if she can be trusted.

MYSTERY: Why does her father have such a journal with this information that makes no sense to her. Will she find clues to help find her mother? What is her father up to and why is he in hiding? She is being followed, who is following her and what are they after?

Act 4. Midpoint:

MAI finds a location of where some of the Triad soldiers hang out. How did MAI know about this bar? The daughter not sure if she can trust the MAI, what other secrets is she keeping from her? The daughter confronts her mentor, “is she a double agent and actually works for the Triads? The daughter questions MAI motives, she is not sure if she can be trusted The MAI reveals that knows someone with shady past, with Triad criminal activities and that this is where he sometimes hangs out. CHARACTER MISDIRECTION

The Daughter goes to the bar by herself (as MAI may be recognised if she goes there), where she has to seek out information where they may be holding her mother. Daughter hears of a shabby hotel, where the men visit prostitutes (nearby where they may have her mother held captive).

ABANDONED ROOM; Shady part of town: The father/husband quickly throws some clothes/belongings into a backpack. He removes a secret panel behind bathroom vanity mirror, pulls out bundles of cash, several passports and throws them into bag. He puts on jacket and cap He hears footsteps approach down hallway, he quickly darts out through a window, down a fire escape and hurries down a back alley. (Red Herring MISDIRECTION)

Life Threatening: She is exposing herself once in the company of these underworld soldiers. MYSTERY: Who are these men and what do they want with her mother?

VILLAINS PLAN: Soldiers capture John and take him to the Dragon, in an abandoned warehouse.
The father runs through the streets, he is abducted by Triad Soldiers and thrown into the back of a van, The Bent Cop is present dishes out the orders. Van drives off.

Act 5. Turning Point: MA and daughter track mothers mobile phone to the last pin point before her phone was switched off. Her and MA Instructor find the location of a small hotel where the mother is being held, fight the soldiers who have weapons and rescue her. Fight Sequence. Life Threatening: two women outnumbered by six men.

MYSTERY: Mother explains, they are after information about her husband/father. WHY? What is going on?
VILLAINS PLAN: He is informed that the daughter is after him, he now orders his soldiers to kill her.

Mother now distrusts her husband, she reveals that he is often away “on business” and she sometimes doesn’t hear from him for days – she suspected at first that he was being unfaithful, but now realises that he is a liar and a common criminal not to be trusted. (red Herring)DIALOGUE MISDIRECTION.

The Dragon questions an opposing Triad leader to see if they informed the Australian authorities about the Heroin shipment – he denies it – Dragon shoots him in the head, quickly escapes detection. He now gets one of his soldiers (computer tech) to leave “video evidence” that the father/husband was in the location at the time of the shooting. This incriminates John to this murder. The Dragon uses this to manipulate the police and distance himself from the crimes. He establishes false alibis for the Murder of Triad Leader, to put the police off track.

Daughter says she is going somewhere, to follow up on a lead. MAI now suspicious of daughter, as she is not telling her everything. MISTRUST. Mother warns her to be careful. She goes to tattoo shop, to find out if someone can identify the tattoo photographs.
Worker identifies tattoo and says he is one of the soldiers of Triad gang, but if she wants to know who the leader of the gang is she has to pay up. She hands him money, he shows her back photographs of “Mogwai” Monster/evil spirit/devil/demons which inflict harm on humans. He doesn’t know his real name but is known simply as “The Dragon”. She takes photo and leaves.

Intrigue: A rather suspect tattoo parlour with suspect characters Suspense: Is this the man who is after her and her family? Mystery: Who is this man, what is his name?

Act 6. Turning Point: Father/husband now held hostage in an abandoned warehouse, is interrogated by The Dragon. (as he is simply a business man dealing with a very legitimate import/export business. (Beside he can prove he was in Australia at the time). The father lies. DIALGOUE MISDIRECTION

Dragon says why he is really being held captive, he’s not worried about shipment – he can send another later. But he has knowledge that he killed his father, many years ago! The father denies killing Dragon’s father, never knew or even met him, he states he is innocent and they have the wrong man,) REVEAL

The Dragon is informed by one of his soldiers that the Daughter/MA rescued the mother, he now instructs his solders to kill them. They continue to torture father who still refuses to give them the answers they are after. NO DON’T HURT MY FAMILY. You can do anything to me but leave them out of this!

VILLAINS PLAN: As the father, no longer giving him what he wants, he decides to take John and move him to another location, to a very remote location where the daughter will never find them and he can eventually kill father/husband. This is very difficult as John now has severe injuries, leaves a trail of blood. (he gets soldiers to untie the almost unconscious father, throw him into back of van) Soldier drives off with The Dragon sitting beside him).

Daughter/MA, help mother recoup. They see a NEWS Bulletin with Interview of Bent Cop, where her father is implicated in the murder of an opposing Triad gang Leader (compromised video from The Dragon) and is in hiding from the Chinese Authorities. Mother’s suspicions now confirmed, daughter can’t believe what her father is involved in, MAI non-committal. MISDRECTION/CHARACTER/DIALOGUE

MAI has secret meeting with a stranger (young man who is her nephew) in Dark Laneway, he passes her a note, she gives him a bundle of cash tied with elastic band.
INTRIGUE: who is this young man?
SUSPENSE: Is MAI involved with Triads?

MYSTERY: Is she good and can be trusted? Or is she Bad and be avoided at all costs? TRUST

LATER: MAI hands daughter an address, “What’s this”, it came from my informer. I asked him to keep an ear open for me. He says they have your father held there. She grabs note and quickly leaves.
Daughter goes to warehouse and sees her father’s blood, she follows the blood trials that go outside into the street and suddenly stop, she doesn’t know what to do?

The Daughter informs MA/mother where trial of blood was heading on the main road, must have escaped via car. INTRIGUE: Has she hit a dead end? SUSPENSE: Will she find her father alive? MYSTER: Where have they taken him?

She decides to go back to the bar to see if she can get any more leads (secretly wants to find out about “The Dragon”.

Act 7. Climax:.
She drives up to bar, before she is able to get off her bike, (just removes helmet) is chased away by Triad on his motor bike. MOTOR BIKE CHASE. He crashes, badly injured, she takes off his helmet, sees that it is MAI nephew! She hears him whisper “shan” but doesn’t know what it means (mountain) then “sorry Aunty” – he dies, she quickly leaves the scene of the accident.

Life Threatening: She now knows the Triads are onto her
MYSTERY: How is she going to rescue her father without the Triads finding her first?
Did her father really commit this recent murder? Can she trust her father?
Daughter confesses to MAI about the death of her nephew, which she is very sorry for. Reveals “Shan” MAI says it means “Mountain” they don’t know what it means. REVEAL MAI can be trusted. CHARACTER MISDIRECTION

Daughter shares “The Dragon” name/photograph given to her by tattoo artist, MA googles The Dragons real name and searches his family history. She finds the grandfathers original home up in the mountains. Nephew was trying to help them with a clue, MAI cries for her nephew, know that he wasn’t a bad person after all.

The Daughter wants MA to stay and protect her mother, that she must do this herself.

The Dragon fists bloodied, father/husband almost unconscious. The daughter travels up into the Mountains, to his grandfather’s home in a small isolated village. She kills the guard outside the home and then kills the second soldier inside the home who happens to be the Bent Cop, before she finally confronts the Villain.

A fight to the death ensues, he dies. She rescues her father and reunites him with his wife/mother.
Life Threatening: Fight to the death
MYSTERY: Why is the Villain after John?

VILLAINS PLAN: Slowly torture John to death as he killed his father.

Act 8. Resolution: The family are reunited with MA.
The Father explains his innocence in the Triad murder and says he was set up by the Dragon/Bent Cop (who was onto him and perhaps his undercover Identity) REVEAL TRUTH. BUT reveals he is an undercover agent (CIA operative) who has been working to arrest/destroy The Corporation with regards to them trafficking Heroin from China into Australia.
Daughter gives father his journal, he is grateful as this is evidence he has to hand in for his report.
He also reveals years ago, in the line of duty shot The Dragons father. (maybe flashback?)
He also exposed the Heroin shipment to Australia, as he was following leads from a police informant, which is why all of a sudden the Corporation were desperate to seek out and track their informer down. Father suggests feedback Bent Cop was the informer to the Corporation in Australia, MAI reveals her nephew, was trying to help her he was a good person. Father/husband agrees, so as not to blow his cover. CHARACTER MISDIRECTION SET-UP

MA reveals that many years ago when her father first came to China that she was one of his informants and has been helping him with his cases, ever since. REVEAL CHARACTER MISDIRECTION

The daughter now faces the aftermath of her ordeal and the challenges of rebuilding her life with her family.

MYSTERY: Does the daughter go back to being a Yoga Instructor or does she go on a different path? Join her father in becoming a spy?

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke ENGAGING CLUE TRAILS

I have been able to fill in a few holes in my outline by doing this exercise and have come up with a few more ideas which have now been added to my Thriller Map. I have also tried to include both covert/overt clues and not make them too obvious for the audience.

Casino Office: Hero sees:
Newspaper left on desk with headline of Heroin Shipment seized by Authorities in Port Melbourne.

In Car Hero hears:
About cop in China who could have betrayed The Corporation? Who is he? Why would he do this? Red Herring Character?

Now in China:
Hero finds fathers journal with shipping dates/times etc. Perhaps written in Chinese, which she doesn’t understand.

MAI:
Tells hero of Bar where Triad Soldiers hang out. Hero curious as to how she knows about this place? MAI reluctant to tell her truth – She knows someone who is soldier and may help them find her mother. Someone follows hero, she fights him off we now know she is MA expert.

TRIAD BAR:
Hero overhears conversation of men frequenting hotel and prostitutes – perhaps her mother is being held there?

Hero/MAI:
Using mothers mobile phone, track down the last location before mobile switched off. MAI says investigate Hotel/brothel. (they find mother fight 6 soldiers)

MAI Dark Laneway:
MAI meets up with strange young man (her nephew) he hands her paper, she gives him a bundle of cash tied up with elastic band.

Tattoo Parlour:
Worker identifies tattoo and says he is one of the soldiers of Triad gang, but if she wants to know who the leader of the gang is she has to pay up. She hands him money, he shows her back photographs of “Mogwai” Monster/evil spirit/devil/demons which inflict harm on humans. He doesn’t know his real name but is known simply as “The Dragon”.

NEW MAP OUTLINE

Act 1. Opening: Daughter gives a Yoga class out on lawn beside beach, in Australia. Later at home she witnesses her mother (who lives in China) being abducted by 3 Asian men whilst on a video chat with her.
She calls her father, he is not answering his phone. Father’s office has been trashed.

DANGER: Life Threatening: Are they going to kill her mother?
INTRIGUE: Why would these strange men abduct her mother? Where is her father? VILLAINS PLAN: Abduct the wife and torture her for information to the whereabouts of her husband.

Act 2. Inciting Incident: She now has to uncover the truth and rescue her mother.
Daughter rings her ex Martial Arts instructor and shows her the picture of man’s dragon tattoo. MA informs her that the men are soldiers of the Chinese Triads, who happen to operate both in Melbourne Australia/Macau China. She says that daughter must find out more information about them from her end.
Daughter realizes she needs to go deeper into the criminal underworld to find her parents. She goes undercover to Casino to seek out leads.
The daughter opens a package, takes out small electronic devise, places battery in the back and connects the device to her smart phone.
Life Threatening: She puts herself at risk should she be discovered by Triads
MYSTERY: Who are these men and what do they want with her mother? Why hasn’t she heard back from her father?
VILLAINS PLAN: Track down John and slowly torture him to death for revenge of his father’s murder.
At the Casino, she sees a Chinese Guard standing outside a door. She buys a drink at the bar goes to ladies toilets. Inside she rinses mouth out with alcohol, splashes the rest over her hair/clothes. She wets her face, so eye make-up runs, she dishevels her hair.
Watches guard till he leaves, she enters room, looking for answers sees the newspaper on desk with article:-
she finds “The Corporation” have been dealing in shipments of Heroin and a large container was seized a few weeks ago by the Australian authorities.
Someone suddenly enters room; she acts drunk and complains the Casino has robbed her of her money, whilst they try to remove her she quickly tucks the listening devise underneath a desk. They remove her.
Later in the carpark, she hears their conversation:
The Corporation are trying to track down their informer and are searching for them both in Australia and in China to assist investigation. About cop in China who could have betrayed The Corporation? Who is he? Why would he do this? Red Herring Character?

Act 3. Turning Point: Mother taped to a chair, her hands also taped. She is slapped/punched about by Triad Soldier, she doesn’t know where her husband is. He hasn’t been home for three days, he said he was “out of town on business”. She is in pain and stressed, frightened for her life.

Soldier believes her, he throws her a bottle of water, he takes out mobile phone, walks away as he dials “I believe her, she doesn’t know anything”.
INTRIGUE: Why are they punishing her if she doesn’t know anything?

SUSPENSE: are they going to kill her?

MYSTERY: Who are they? Why do they want the father/husband? Who is he talking to on the phone?

MA instructor with this new information says she must come ASAP to China to further her investigations. On flight daughter looks into Chinese Triad gangs on her lap top.
Life Threatening: She feels she is not up for it, ex teacher re assures her, she must dig deep to find her “Fighting Warrior”, fight to survive.
Introduce “The Dragon”: He arrives in smart black new Mercedes, he goes into office, Soldier accompanies him. Chinese Policeman, (Red Herring?) waiting outside is ushered in: The Dragon Accuses Policeman of informing authorities, re seizure of Heroin in Australia, he pulls a gun on him, Policeman says he is innocent. Dragon shows him a picture of father/husband, he is of interest in his fathers death, perhaps he too has something to do with seizure as he lived for a time in Australia. The Dragon, informs him this is his last chance. Cop leaves.

He has pictures of John on his desk. Asks for any updates – none. Furious, he throws a giant pop-plant at his soldier, which smashes against the wall. Says he knows this is his father’s “fucking killer” and they must find him or else they will kill his wife/ even put a bullet through his soldiers’ head.

VILLAINS PLAN: To find the hiding place of John, abduct and torture him.
Triad Soldiers interrogate mother about the whereabouts of her husband. She doesn’t know anything and says he is away “on business”. Somehow the father is involved with the Triads.

INTRIGUE: Daughter whilst searching through fathers wrecked office, picks up broken picture frame: image of father/mother/daughter (her at young age) she finds father’s secret journal with information regarding, The Corporation and their involvement with shipping Heroin into Australia. Lists of shipping details: names/dates/cargo container numbers etc. Also with various photographs of Triad tattoos.

SUSPENSE: When she leaves the office she realises that someone is tailing her, he catches up to her and starts to fight. She fights back, he collapses and she escapes.
MYSTERY/REVEAL: We find out that the daughter is a champion Martial Arts Practitioner. Daughter decides to hide this new bit of evidence from her MAI as she is not sure if she can be trusted.

MYSTERY: Why does her father have such a journal with this information that makes no sense to her. Will she find clues to help find her mother? What is her father up to and why is he in hiding? She is being followed, who is following her and what are they after?

Act 4. Midpoint:

MAI finds a location of where some of the Triad soldiers hang out. How did MAI know about this bar? The daughter not sure if she can trust the MAI, what other secrets is she keeping from her? The daughter confronts her mentor, “is she a double agent and actually works for the Triads? The daughter questions MAI motives, she is not sure if she can be trusted The MAI reveals that knows someone with shady past, with Triad criminal activities and that this is where he sometimes hangs out.

The Daughter goes to the bar by herself (as MAI may be recognised if she goes there), where she has to seek out information where they may be holding her mother. Daughter hears of a shabby hotel, where the men visit prostitutes (nearby where they may have her mother held captive).

The father/husband quickly throws some clothes/belongings into a backpack, puts on jacket and cap and escapes through a back alley.
Life Threatening: She is exposing herself once in the company of these underworld soldiers. MYSTERY: Who are these men and what do they want with her mother?

VILLAINS PLAN: Soldiers capture John and take him to the Dragon, in an abandoned warehouse.

The father runs through the streets, he is abducted by Triad Soldiers and thrown into the back of a van, The Bent Cop is present dishes out the orders.

Act 5. Turning Point: MA and daughter track mothers mobile phone to the last pin point before her phone was switched off. Her and MA Instructor find the location of a small hotel where the mother is being held, fight the soldiers who have weapons and rescue her. Fight Sequence. Life Threatening: two women outnumbered by six men.

MYSTERY: Mother explains, they are after information about her husband/father. WHY? What is going on?
VILLAINS PLAN: He is informed that the daughter is after him, he now orders his soldiers to kill her.

Mother now distrusts her husband, she reveals that he is often away “on business” and she sometimes doesn’t hear from him for days – she suspected at first that he was being unfaithful, but now realises that he is a liar and a common criminal not to be trusted.

The Dragon shoots dead an opposing Triad leader, quickly escapes detection. He now gets one of his soldiers (computer tech) to leave “video evidence” that the father/husband was in the location at the time of the shooting. This incriminates John to this murder. The Dragon uses this to manipulate the police and distance himself from the crimes. He establishes false alibis for the Murder of Triad Leader, to put the police off track.

Daughter says she is going somewhere, to follow up on a lead. MAI now suspicious of daughter, as she is not telling her everything. Mother warns her to be careful. She goes to tattoo shop, to find out if someone can identify the tattoo photographs.
Worker identifies tattoo and says he is one of the soldiers of Triad gang, but if she wants to know who the leader of the gang is she has to pay up. She hands him money, he shows her back photographs of “Mogwai” Monster/evil spirit/devil/demons which inflict harm on humans. He doesn’t know his real name but is known simply as “The Dragon”. She takes photo and leaves.

Intrigue: A rather suspect tattoo parlour with suspect characters Suspense: Is this the man who is after her and her family? Mystery: Who is this man, what is his name?

Act 6. Turning Point: Father/husband now held hostage in an abandoned warehouse, is interrogated by The Dragon. The father denies killing Dragon’s father, never knew or even met him, he states he is innocent and they have the wrong man, as he is simply a business man dealing with a very legitimate import/export business. (Beside he can prove he was in Australia at the time). The father lies.
The Dragon is informed by one of his soldiers that the Daughter/MA rescued the mother, he now instructs his solders to kill them. They continue to torture father who still refuses to give them the answers they are after.
VILLAINS PLAN: As the father, no longer giving him what he wants, he decides to take John and move him to another location, to a very remote location where the daughter will never find them and he can eventually kill father/husband. This is very difficult as John now has severe injuries, leaves a trail of blood. (he gets soldiers to untie the almost unconscious father, throw him into back of van) Soldier drives off with The Dragon sitting beside him).

Daughter/MA, help mother recoup. They see a NEWS Bulletin with Interview of Bent Cop, where her father is implicated in the murder of an opposing Triad gang Leader (compromised video from The Dragon) and is in hiding from the Chinese Authorities. Mother’s suspicions now confirmed, daughter can’t believe what her father is involved in, MAI non-committal.

MAI has secret meeting with a stranger (young man who is her nephew) in Dark Laneway, he passes her a note, she gives him a bundle of cash tied with elastic band.
INTRIGUE: who is this young man?
SUSPENSE: Is MAI involved with Triads?

MYSTERY: Is she good and can be trusted? Or is she Bad and be avoided at all costs?

LATER: MAI hands daughter an address, “What’s this”, it came from my informer. I asked him to keep an ear open for me. He says they have your father held there. She grabs note and quickly leaves.
Daughter goes to warehouse and sees her father’s blood, she follows the blood trials that go outside into the street and suddenly stop, she doesn’t know what to do?

The Daughter informs MA/mother where trial of blood was heading on the main road, must have escaped via car. INTRIGUE: Has she hit a dead end? SUSPENSE: Will she find her father alive? MYSTER: Where have they taken him?

She decides to go back to the bar to see if she can get any more leads (secretly wants to find out about “The Dragon”.

Act 7. Climax:.
She drives up to bar, before she is able to get off her bike, (just removes helmet) is chased away by Triad on his motor bike. MOTOR BIKE CHASE. He crashes, badly injured, she takes off his helmet, sees that it is MAI nephew! She hears him whisper “shan” but doesn’t know what it means (mountain) then “sorry Aunty” – he dies, she quickly leaves the scene of the accident.

Life Threatening: She now knows the Triads are onto her
MYSTERY: How is she going to rescue her father without the Triads finding her first?
Did her father really commit this recent murder? Can she trust her father?
Daughter confesses to MAI about the death of her nephew, which she is very sorry for. Reveals “Shan” MAI says it means “Mountain” they don’t know what it means.

Daughter shares “The Dragon” name/photograph given to her by tattoo artist, MA googles The Dragons real name and searches his family history. She finds the grandfathers original home up in the mountains. Nephew was trying to help them with a clue, MAI cries for her nephew, know that he wasn’t a bad person after all.

The Daughter wants MA to stay and protect her mother, that she must do this herself.

The Dragon fists bloodied, father/husband almost unconscious. The daughter travels up into the Mountains, to his grandfather’s home in a small isolated village. She kills the guard outside the home and then kills the second soldier inside the home who happens to be the Bent Cop, before she finally confronts the Villain.

A fight to the death ensues, he dies. She rescues her father and reunites him with his wife/mother.
Life Threatening: Fight to the death
MYSTERY: Why is the Villain after John?

VILLAINS PLAN: Slowly torture John to death as he killed his father.

Act 8. Resolution: The family are reunited with MA.
The Father explains his innocence in the Triad murder and says he was set up by the Dragon. BUT reveals he is an undercover agent (CIA operative) who has been working to arrest/destroy The Corporation with regards to them trafficking Heroin from China into Australia.

Daughter gives father his journal, he is grateful as this is evidence he has to hand in for his report.

He also reveals years ago, in the line of duty shot The Dragons father. (maybe flashback?)
He also exposed the Heroin shipment to Australia, as he was following leads from a police informant, which is why all of a sudden the Corporation were desperate to seek out and track their informer down. Father suggests feedback Bent Cop was informer & they feed back the info to the Corporation in Australia, MAI reveals her nephew, was trying to help her he was a good person. Father/husband agrees, so as not to blow his cover.

MA reveals that many years ago when her father first came to China that she was one of his informants and has been helping him with his cases, ever since.

The daughter now faces the aftermath of her ordeal and the challenges of rebuilding her life with her family.

MYSTERY: Does the daughter go back to being a Yoga Instructor or does she go on a different path? Join her father in becoming a spy?

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke DRAMATIC REVEALS

Well finally, having done this assignment not only did I create some new reveals but I was also able to find more TRUST and BETRAYALS 🙂 for the previous lesson. This has fleshed out my Thriller Map and I feel more confident with a comprehensible Thriller Map that is laying the foundations ready to write the screenplay. MAI stands for Martial Arts Instructor.

Important Reveals
A. what is the reveal?
B. How did it get covered up?
C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? D. When you revel the truth, it must have dramatic impact.

Reveal:
• Mother is abducted by 3 strange Chinese men

How did it get covered up? Not really, its out in the open.
• Daughter accidentally witnesses crime, doesn’t know what’s happening

M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth?

Intrigue: Mother abducted

Suspense: Can the daughter save her?

Mystery: Why did this happen?

Intrigue: Who are these strange Chinese men?

Reveal:

Father’s office has been trashed and is abandoned

Intrigue: who did this to his office?

Suspense: audience sees smashed picture frame of the father/mother/daughter

Mystery: who did this and why are they after the father?

Reveal:

Daughter contacts ex Martial Arts Instructor who is a long time friend of the family, she

identifies the dragon tattoo photograph (from mothers abduction) and informs daughter

that they are soldiers from a Triad Gang – who operate both in China/Australia. Not a cover up, but reveal – daughter gets small recording/listening device connects to her phone.

Intrigue: How does the MAI know about Triads?

Suspense: Can she help the daughter save her mother?

Mystery: Why is she telling daughter to check out casino?

• Intrigue: What is the daughter doing with listening device?

Reveal:

Daughter on plane to China looks at photograph of dragon tattoo

Intrigue: daughter on lap top searching information regarding Chinese Triad gangs

Suspense: Can she get to China in time to save her mother?

Mystery: Who are these men and who are they working for?

Reveal:

Martial Arts instructor says they must train together to get her “combat ready”

How did this get covered up?

Daughter was first revealed to us as a peaceful, yoga instructor

Intrigue: we didn’t know the daughter was a martial arts practitioner

Suspense: Can she get her fighting skills up to date in time to help rescue her mother?

Mystery: Daughter is an expert martial arts practitioner, Why is she hiding this part of

herself

Reveal:

We discover who the villain is “The Dragon” and why he wants to capture the daughters

father – who he believes killed his own father. How did this get covered up?

We believe the father is guilty at this stage because he is on the run

Intrigue: The Dragon is seeking revenge on his fathers murder

Suspense: Will the mother survive, if they don’t get any leads for her?

Mystery: Where is the father/husband and why is he in hiding?

Reveal:

MAI finds a location of where some of the Triad soldiers hang out.

Intrigue: How did MAI know about this bar?

Suspense: The daughter not sure if she can trust the MAI, what other secrets is she

keeping from her?

Mystery: Is the MAI a double agent and actually works for the Triads?

Suspense: daughter questions MAI motives, she is not sure if she can be trusted

Intrigue: MAI reveals that her nephew has a shady past, with criminal activities and that

this is where he sometimes hangs out.

Reveal:

Daughter finds father’s secret journal with information regarding, The Corporation and

their involvement with shipping Heroin into Australia. Lists of shipping details: names/dates/cargo container numbers etc. Also with various photographs of Triad tattoos. When she leaves the office, she realises that someone is tailing her.

Daughter decides to hide this new bit of evidence from her MAI as she is not sure if she can be trusted.

Intrigue: Why does her father have such a journal with this information that makes no sense to her.

Suspense: Will she find clues to help find her mother?

Mystery: What is her father up to and why is he in hiding?

Suspense: She is being followed

Mystery: Who is following her and what are they after?

Reveal:

Father on the run is captured by triads and thrown into back of van

Intrigue: Is the father guilty?

Suspense: Will they kill him?

• Mystery: What is the father guilty of that they Triads want him so badly?

Reveal:

Villain kills opposing Triad leader and implicates father/husband with false video

evidence

Intrigue: Shows the violence that Villain goes to

Suspense: Who else is he going to murder?

Mystery: Why has he killed this other Triad Leader?

Reveal:

Daughter goes to tattoo shop, to find out if someone can identify the tattoo photographs

Intrigue: A rather salubrious tattoo parlour with suspect characters

Suspense: Is this the man who is after her and her family?

Mystery: Who is this man, what is his name? Why is he after them?

Reveal:

Villain interrogates father, accuses him of killing his father.

Intrigue: The father is not telling the whole truth

Suspense: Will the Villain kill the father before he gets some answers

Mystery: Why is the father a suspect?

Reveal:

Father implicated in new murder

Intrigue: Is he really a killer?

Suspense: Will the father survive? Do the family believe he is guilty?

Mystery: Villain covering his bases, diverting police to father/husband. Why does he want

him implicated?

Reveal:

MAI hands note to daughter of location of father

Intrigue: Who gave this information to her

Suspense: Will she now rescue her father?

Mystery: Will he still be alive before they catch up to her?

Reveal:

Motor Bike Chase, the Nephew is the one after her

Intrigue: She knows the Triads are on to her

Suspense: Are they going to kill her

Mystery: Was he going to kill her?

Reveal:

MAI works out the real name of “The Dragon” they google his family, find his

father/deceased, grandfather/deceased and his place of residence: small village up in the

mountains.

Intrigue: The Nephew was helping after all

Suspense: Will she get there before it’s too late?

Mystery: Why has the Dragon abducted her father?

Reveal:

Villain didn’t get information about his fathers killer, daughter turns up and they fight to

the death.

Intrigue: How did she find out where they were?

Suspense: Will he kill her first?

Mystery: The Villain was seeking revenge on his fathers death

Reveal:

Father CIA agent, flashback of him shooting Villains father in the line of duty

Intrigue: Father was lying all along

Suspense: We are finally finding out the truth

Mystery: MAI also has secrets

Intrigue: was an informant of father when he first came to China, continues to assist him

Last reveal may be a bit of exposition, but will work out how to reveal them maybe in a more dramatic way.

THRILLER MAP (added with more detail)

Act 1. Opening: Daughter gives a Yoga class out on lawn beside beach, in Australia. Later at home she witnesses her mother (who lives in China) being abducted by 3 Asian men whilst on a video chat with her.
She calls her father, he is not answering his phone. Father’s office has been trashed, we see a smashed picture frame with a photograph of the father/mother/daughter.

Life Threatening: Are they going to kill her mother?
MYSTERY: Why would these strange men abduct her mother? Where is her father? VILLAINS PLAN: Abduct the wife and torture her for information to the whereabouts of her husband.

Act 2. Inciting Incident: She now has to uncover the truth and rescue her mother. Daughter rings her ex Martial Arts instructor and shows her the picture of man’s dragon tattoo. MA informs her that the men are soldiers of the Chinese Triads, who happen to operate both in Melbourne Australia/Macau China. She says that daughter must find out more information about them from her end.
Daughter realizes she needs to go deeper into the criminal underworld to find her parents. She goes undercover to Casino to seek out leads.
The daughter opens a package, takes out small electronic devise, places battery in the back and connects the device to her smart phone.
Life Threatening: She puts herself at risk should she be discovered by Triads
MYSTERY: Who are these men and what do they want with her mother? Why hasn’t she heard back from her father?
VILLAINS PLAN: Track down John and slowly torture him to death for revenge of his father’s murder.
At the Casino, she sees a Chinese Guard standing outside a door. She buys a drink at the bar goes to ladies toilets. Inside she rinses mouth out with alcohol, splashes the rest over her hair/clothes. She wets her face, so eye make-up runs, she dishevels her hair.
Watches guard till he leaves, she enters room, looking for answers sees the newspaper on desk with article:-
she finds “The Corporation” have been dealing in shipments of Heroin and a large container was seized a few weeks ago by the Australian authorities.
Someone suddenly enters room; she acts drunk and complains the Casino has robbed her of her money, whilst they try to remove her she quickly tucks the listening devise underneath a desk. They remove her.
Later in the carpark, she hears their conversation:
The Corporation are trying to track down their informer and are searching for them both in Australia and they have enlisted “The Dragon” in China to assist investigation.

Act 3. Turning Point: Mother taped to a chair, her hands also taped. She is slapped/punched about by Triad Soldier, she doesn’t know where her husband is. He hasn’t been home for three days, he said he was “out of town on business”. She is in pain and stressed, frightened for her life.

Soldier believes her, he throws her a bottle of water, he takes out mobile phone, walks away as he dials “I believe her, she doesn’t know anything”. INTRIGUE: Why are they punishing her if she doesn’t know anything? SUSPENSE: are they going to kill her? MYSTERY: Who are they? Why do they want the father/husband? Who is he talking to on the phone?

MA instructor with this new information says she must come ASAP to China to further her investigations. On flight daughter looks into Chinese Triad gangs on her lap top.
Now in China, MA Instructor says, she must train to level up on her fighting skills to be “combat ready” (which is against her mother’s wishes) They train together.
Life Threatening: She feels she is not up for it, ex teacher re assures her, she must dig deep to find her “Fighting Warrior”, fight to survive.
MYSTERY: We find out that the daughter is a champion Martial Arts Practitioner.
Introduce “The Dragon”: He arrives in smart black new Mercedes, he goes into office, Soldier accompanies him. He has pictures of John on his desk. Asks for any updates – none. Furious, he throws a giant pop-plant at his soldier, which smashes against the wall. Says he knows this is his father’s “fucking killer” and they must find him or else they will kill his wife/ even put a bullet through his soldiers’ head.
VILLAINS PLAN: To find the hiding place of John, abduct and torture him.
Triad Soldiers interrogate mother about the whereabouts of her husband. She doesn’t know anything and says he is away “on business”. Somehow the father is involved with the Triads.

INTRIGUE: Daughter whilst searching through fathers wrecked office, picks up broken picture frame: image of father/mother/daughter (her at young age) she finds father’s secret journal with information regarding, The Corporation and their involvement with shipping Heroin into Australia. Lists of shipping details: names/dates/cargo container numbers etc. Also with various photographs of Triad tattoos.

SUSPENSE: When she leaves the office she realises that someone is tailing her, she manages to lose them.
Daughter decides to hide this new bit of evidence from her MAI as she is not sure if she can be trusted.

MYSTERY: Why does her father have such a journal with this information that makes no sense to her. Will she find clues to help find her mother? What is her father up to and why is he in hiding? She is being followed, who is following her and what are they after?

Act 4. Midpoint:

MAI finds a location of where some of the Triad soldiers hang out. How did MAI know about this bar? The daughter not sure if she can trust the MAI, what other secrets is she keeping from her? The daughter confronts her mentor, “is she a double agent and actually works for the Triads? The daughter questions MAI motives, she is not sure if she can be trusted The MAI reveals that her nephew has a shady past, with Triad criminal activities and that this is where he sometimes hangs out.

The Daughter goes to the bar by herself (as MAI may be recognised if she goes there), where she has to seek out information where they may be holding her mother. Daughter hears of a shabby hotel, where the men visit prostitutes (nearby where they may have her mother held captive).

The father/husband quickly throws some clothes/belongings into a backpack, puts on jacket and cap and escapes through a back alley.
Life Threatening: She is exposing herself once in the company of these underworld soldiers. MYSTERY: Who are these men and what do they want with her mother?

VILLAINS PLAN: Soldiers capture John and take him to the Dragon, in an abandoned warehouse.
The father runs through the streets, he is abducted by Triad Soldiers and thrown into the back of a van.

Act 5. Turning Point: MA and daughter track mothers mobile phone to the last pin point before her phone was switched off. Her and MA Instructor find the location of a small hotel where the mother is being held, fight the soldiers who have weapons and rescue her. Fight Sequence. Life Threatening: two women outnumbered by six men.

MYSTERY: Mother explains, they are after information about her husband/father. WHY? What is going on?
VILLAINS PLAN: He is informed that the daughter is after him, he now orders his soldiers to kill her.

Mother now distrusts her husband, she reveals that he is often away “on business” and she sometimes doesn’t hear from him for days – she suspected at first that he was being unfaithful, but now realises that he is a liar and a common criminal not to be trusted.

The Dragon shoots dead an opposing Triad leader, quickly escapes detection. He now gets one of his soldiers (computer tech) to leave “video evidence” that the father/husband was in the location at the time of the shooting. This incriminates John to this murder. The Dragon uses this to manipulate the police and distance himself from the crimes. He establishes false alibis for the Murder of Triad Leader, to put the police off track.

Daughter says she has to go somewhere, to follow up on a lead. MAI now suspicious of daughter, as she is not telling her everything. Mother warns her to be careful. She goes to tattoo shop, to find out if someone can identify the tattoo photographs. She ends up having to pay for the information: the answer is simply “The Dragon”.
Intrigue: A rather suspect tattoo parlour with suspect characters
Suspense: Is this the man who is after her and her family?
Mystery: Who is this man, what is his name?

Act 6. Turning Point: Father/husband now held hostage in an abandoned warehouse, is interrogated by The Dragon. The father denies killing Dragon’s father, never knew or even met him, he states he is innocent and they have the wrong man, as he is simply a business man dealing with a very legitimate import/export business. (Beside he can prove he was in Australia at the time). The father lies.
The Dragon is informed by one of his soldiers that the Daughter/MA rescued the mother, he now instructs his solders to kill them. They continue to torture father who still refuses to give them the answers they are after.
VILLAINS PLAN: As the father, no longer giving him what he wants, he decides to take John and move him to another location, to a very remote location where the daughter will never find them and he can eventually kill father/husband. This is very difficult as John now has severe injuries, leaves a trail of blood. (he gets soldiers to untie the almost unconscious father, throw him into back of van) Soldier drives off with The Dragon sitting beside him).

Daughter/MA, help mother recoup. They see a NEWS Bulletin, where her father is implicated in the murder of an opposing Triad gang Leader (compromised video from The Dragon) and is in hiding from the Chinese Authorities. Mother’s suspicions now confirmed, daughter can’t believe what her father is involved in, MAI non-committal.

MAI hands daughter an address, “What’s this”, it came from my Nephew. I asked him to keep an ear open for me. He says they have your father held there. She grabs note and quickly leaves. Daughter goes to warehouse and sees her father’s blood, she follows the blood trials that go outside into the street and suddenly stop, she doesn’t know what to do?

The Daughter informs MA/mother where trial of blood was heading on the main road, must have escaped via car. INTRIGUE: Has she hit a dead end? SUSPENSE: Will she find her father alive? MYSTER: Where have they taken him?

She decides to go back to the bar to see if she can get any more leads (secretly wants to find out about “The Dragon”.

Act 7. Climax:
She drives up to bar, before she is able to get off her bike, (just removes helmet) is chased away by Triad on his motor bike. MOTOR BIKE CHASE. He crashes, badly injured, she takes off his helmet, sees that it is MAI nephew! She hears him whisper “shan” but doesn’t know what it means (mountain) then “sorry Aunty” – he dies, she quickly leaves the scene of the accident.

Life Threatening: She now knows the Triads are onto her
MYSTERY: How is she going to rescue her father without the Triads finding her first?
Did her father really commit this recent murder? Can she trust her father?
Daughter confesses to MAI about the death of her nephew, which she is very sorry for. Reveals “Shan” MAI says it means “Mountain” they don’t know what it means.

Daughter shares “The Dragon” name given to her by tattoo artist, MA googles The Dragons real name and searches his family history. She finds the grandfathers original home up in the mountains. Nephew was trying to help them with a clue, MAI cries for her nephew, know that he wasn’t a bad person after all.

The Daughter wants MA to stay and protect her mother, that she must do this herself.

The Dragon fists bloodied, father/husband almost unconscious. The daughter travels up into the Mountains, to his grandfather’s home in a small isolated village. She kills the guard outside the home and then kills the second soldier inside the home before she finally confronts the Villain.

A fight to the death ensues, he dies. She rescues her father and reunites him with his wife/mother.
Life Threatening: Fight to the death
MYSTERY: Why is the Villain after John?

VILLAINS PLAN: Slowly torture John to death as he killed his father.

Act 8. Resolution: The family are reunited with MA.
The Father explains his innocence in the Triad murder and says he was set up by the Dragon. BUT reveals he is an undercover agent (CIA operative) who has been working to arrest/destroy The Corporation with regards to them trafficking Heroin from China into Australia.
Daughter gives father his journal, he is grateful as this is evidence he has to hand in for his report.
He also reveals years ago, in the line of duty shot The Dragons father. (maybe flashback?)
He also exposed the Heroin shipment to Australia, which is why all of a sudden the Corporation were desperate to seek out and track their informer down. MAI suggests they feed back the info to the Corporation in Australia, that the informant was her nephew, that he is now dead.

MA reveals that many years ago when her father first came to China that she was one of his informants and has been helping him with his cases, ever since. MAI suggests they feed back the info to the Corporation in Australia, that the informant was her nephew, that he is now dead. Father/husband agrees, so as not to blow his cover.

The daughter now faces the aftermath of her ordeal and the challenges of rebuilding her life with her family.
MYSTERY: Does the daughter go back to being a Yoga Instructor or does she go on a different path? Join her father in becoming a spy?

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke TRUST 7 BETRAYAL

What I learned is that there are a few HOLES in my thriller at the moment. I am still thinking through solutions. Doing this assignment brought up these issues which I hope to solve later down the track. Hence me being unable to add to my Thriller Map at this stage 🙁

Hero / Villain
The Hero doesn’t trust the Villain, they don’t know each other at the beginning.

The Villain is not trustable, he is a violent SOB who is out for revenge. The Villain does not trust the Hero’s father, who he believes killed his own father.

The mother is a victim and can be trusted by the Daughter, but the mother can’t trust her husband, especially considering her recent abduction.

Unsure about a Red Herring Character, at first I thought this would be the father as he appears to be guilty and is in hiding. At first the daughter implicitly trusts her father, despite his disappearance and not returning her calls. Then it turns into not trusting him when she sees the “fixed” footage of him near the crime scene of the recent murder of the Triad Leader who is in direct opposition to The Dragon.

Then I thought it could be the retired/ex Martial Arts teacher (as the Red Herring) who perhaps knows too much about the Triads both in Australia and China, which places doubt and mistrust on behalf of the Hero but should be trusted.

So, I figured that I’m not sure if I need a brand new Red Herring Character?
I figure I could give the young woman a boyfriend who turns out to be an insider of the Australian Triad Gang and established a relationship with her only to infiltrate/spy on her family to feed information back to “The Corporation”.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke PLOT TWISTS & TURNS
I am slowly getting the hang of what we are doing by adding layers with M.I.S. and now adding twists. I feel my outline is still very linear and am hoping to add more twists as my creative mind comes up with some more solutions. 🤞

I did however add only a few twists with todays exercise.

Now that I have added the Plot Twists into my existing Thriller MAP, the outline has become very thorough with clear outlines full of detail ready to write a first draft!

9. PLOT TWISTS AND TURNS

Twist 1:
Direction: Daughter having a normal catch up chat with her mother via video call

Twist: Mother abducted by Asian men, who are in search of her father/husband

Twist 2:
Direction: She desperately calls her father, who isn’t answering his phone. “please leave a msg”. She calls her retired Martial Arts instructor and shows her the image of man’s dragon tattoo.

Twist: MA says it looks as though they are soldiers from Chinese Triads, who operate in Melbourne and Macau, asked student to go to Casino and find out what is happening.

Twist 3:
Direction: At Casino she finds “The Corporation” have been dealing in shipments of Heroin and a large container was seized a few weeks ago by the Australian authorities. The Corporation are trying to track down their informer.
Twist: MA instructor with this new information says for the Daughter to get to China ASAP.

Twist 4:
Direction: Student and Teacher reconnect, daughter must be “combat ready” if she is to continue investigation.
Twist: We find out the Student was a very successful martial arts practitioner.
Twist: Triad soldiers interrogate mother about the whereabouts of her husband, we know that somehow he is involved with the Triads

Twist 5:
Direction: MA & Student find local bar where triad soldiers hang out, daughter hears of shabby hotel nearby where they may have her mother held captive.
Twist: The father/husband packs bags, puts on cap/backpack and escapes through back alley.

Twist 6:
Direction: Use mother mobile phone to track her whereabouts and pin point the last time it was switched off.
Twist: Father is abducted by other soldiers, mugged from a street, and thrown into a black van. Twist: Two women fight against 6 men and rescue the mother/wife

Twist 7:
Direction: The Dragon shoots dead an opposing Triad Leader, quickly escapes detection
Twist: The Dragon now gets one of his soldiers to leave “video evidence” that the father/husband was in the location at the time. Pointing the Chinese Authorities in his direction and away from him.

Twist 8:
Direction: Father/husband now held hostage in an abandoned warehouse is interrogated by “The Dragon”.
Twist: The father denies everything, he states he is innocent and they have the wrong man, as he is simply a business man dealing with import/export business.
Twist: The Dragon is informed of Daughter/MA rescue of mother, he now instructs his soldiers to kill them.

Twist 9:
Direction: Daughter/MA/mother see news item on TV where father/husband is implicated in the recent brutal murder of Triad leader.
Twist: Daughter goes back to bar to seek more info re father but Soldier sees her coming and chases after her, she knows that they know who she is.

Twist 10:
Direction: Father/husband, now bloodied and exhausted from being tortured, soldier informs him that daughter got away.
Twist: The Dragon, now orders for soldiers to relocate father/husband to a remote location, where daughter will never find them & he can eventually kill him.

Twist 11:
Direction: Daughter goes to warehouse and sees trails of blood, that go outside into street and suddenly stop, she doesn’t know what to do?
Twist: Daughter informs MA/mother where trail of blood was heading, main road, must have escaped via car. MA googles The Dragons real name and searches his family history. She finds the grandfathers home in the mountains.
Twist: Daughter wants MA to stay with her mother, to protect her, that she must do this herself

Twist 12:
Direction: The Dragon fists bloodied, father/husband almost unconscious.

Twist: Daughter tracks down home, kills outside guard and the second one inside home before a battle to the death with the Dragon.

Twist 13:
Direction: Family reunited with MA
Twist: father reveals he is a CIA operative and has been working to arrest/destroy the trafficking of Heroin from China into Australia and that years ago in the line of duty shot The Dragons Father. He was also responsible for the seizure of the recent shipment into Melbourne being stopped.

Twist: daughter asks MA how she knew so much about the Triads operating in her city. She reveals that she was an informant of her fathers for many years and has been helping him, with his cases.

NEW THRILLER MAP

Act 1. Opening: Daughter gives a Yoga class out on lawn beside beach, in Australia. Later at home she witnesses her mother (who lives in China) being abducted by 3 Asian men whilst on a video chat with her. She tries calling her father, he is not answering his phone.
Life Threatening: Are they going to kill her mother?

MYSTERY: Why would these strange men abduct her mother? Where is her father? VILLAINS PLAN: Abduct the wife and torture her for information to the whereabouts of her husband.

Act 2. Inciting Incident: She now has to uncover the truth and rescue her mother. Daughter rings her ex Martial Arts instructor and shows her the picture of man’s dragon tattoo. MA informs her that the men are soldiers of the Chinese Triads, who happen to operate both in Melbourne Australia/Macau China. She says that daughter must find out more information about them from her end.
Daughter realises she needs to go deeper into the criminal underworld to find her parents. She goes undercover to Casino to seek out leads.
Life Threatening: She puts herself at risk should she be discovered by Triads
MYSTERY: Who are these men and what do they want with her mother? Why hasn’t she heard back from her father?
VILLAINS PLAN: Track down John and slowly torture him to death for revenge of his father’s murder.
At the Casino, she finds “The Corporation” have been dealing in shipments of Heroin and a large container was seized a few weeks ago by the Australian authorities. The Corporation are trying to track down their informer and are searching for them both in Australia and China.

Act 3. Turning Point: MA instructor with this new information says she must come ASAP to China to further her investigations. Now in China, MA Instructor says, she must train to level up on her fighting skills to be “combat ready” (which is against her mother’s wishes) They train together.
Life Threatening: She feels she is not up for it, ex teacher re assures her, she must dig deep to find her “Fighting Warrior”, fight to survive.
MYSTERY: We find out that the daughter was a champion Martial Arts Practitioner.
VILLAINS PLAN: To find the hiding place of John, abduct and torture him.
Triad Soldiers interrogate mother about the whereabouts of her husband. She doesn’t know anything and says he is away “on business”. Somehow the father is involved with the Triads.

Act 4. Midpoint: Her and her ex Martial Arts instructor find a bar where the Triads frequent, where she has to seek out information where they may be holding her mother. Daughter hears of a shabby hotel nearby where they may have her mother held captive.
The father/husband quickly throws some clothes/belongings into a backpack, puts on jacket and cap and escapes through a back alley.
Life Threatening: She is exposing herself once in the company of these underworld soldiers. MYSTERY: Who are these men and what do they want with her mother?
VILLAINS PLAN: Soldiers capture John and take him to the Dragon, in an abandoned warehouse.
The father runs through the streets, he is abducted by Triad Soldiers and thrown into the back of a van.

Act 5. Turning Point: MA and daughter track mothers mobile phone to the last pin point before her phone was switched off. Her and MA Instructor find the location of a small hotel where the mother is being held, fight the soldiers who have weapons and rescue her. Fight Sequence. Life Threatening: two women outnumbered by six men.

MYSTERY: Mother explains, they are after information about her husband/father. WHY? What is going on?
VILLAINS PLAN: He is informed that the daughter is after him, he now orders his soldiers to kill her.

The Dragon shoots dead an opposing Triad leader, quickly escapes detection. He now gets one of his soldiers (computer tech) to leave “video evidence” that the father/husband was in the location at the time of the shooting. This incriminates John to this murder. The Dragon uses this to manipulate the police and distance himself from the crimes. He establishes false alibis for the Murder of Triad Leader, to put the police off track.

Act 6. Turning Point: Father/husband now held hostage in an abandoned warehouse, is interrogated by The Dragon. The father denies everything, he states he is innocent and they have the wrong man, as he is simply a business man dealing with a very legitimate import/export business.
The Dragon is informed by one of his soldiers that the Daughter/MA rescued the mother, he now instructs his solders to kill them.
Daughter/MA, help mother recoup. They see a NEWS Bulletin, where her father is implicated in the murder of an opposing Triad gang Leader (compromised video from The Dragon) and is in hiding from the Chinese Authorities.
She goes back to bar, before she is able to get of her bike, (just removes helmet) is chased away by Triad on his motor bike. MOTOR BIKE CHASE. He crashes and before he dies she gets the information of the location of her father.
Life Threatening: She now knows the Triads are onto her
MYSTERY: How is she going to rescue her father without the Triads finding her first?
Did her father really commit this recent murder?
VILLAINS PLAN: Soldiers inform The Dragon that the daughter got away. He now decides to take John and moves him to another location, to a very remote location where the daughter will never find them and he can eventually kill father/husband. This is very difficult as John now has severe injuries, leaves a trail of blood.

Act 7. Climax: Daughter goes to warehouse and sees her father’s blood, she follows the blood trials that go outside into the street and suddenly stop, she doesn’t know what to do?
The Daughter informs MA/mother where trial of blood was heading on the main road, must have escaped via car.

MA googles The Dragons real name and searches his family history. She finds the grandfathers original home up in the mountains.
The Daughter wants MA to stay and protect her mother, that she must do this herself.
The Dragon fists bloodied, father/husband almost unconscious. The daughter travels up into the Mountains, to his grandfather’s home in a small isolated village. She kills the guard outside the home and then kills the second soldier inside the home before she finally confronts the Villain.

A fight to the death ensues, he dies. She rescues her father and reunites him with his wife/mother.
Life Threatening: Fight to the death
MYSTERY: Why is the Villain after John?

VILLAINS PLAN: Slowly torture John to death as he killed his father.

Act 8. Resolution: The family are reunited with MA.
The Father explains his innocence in the Triad murder and says he was set up by the Dragon. BUT reveals he is an undercover agent (CIA operative) who has been working to arrest/destroy The Corporation with regards to them trafficking Heroin from China into Australia.
That years ago, in the line of duty shot The Dragons father.

He also exposed the Heroin shipment to Australia, which is why all of a sudden the Corporation were desperate to find track the informer down.
Daughter asks MA how she knew so much about the Triads operations. MA reveals that many years ago when her father first came to China that she was one of his informants and has been helping him with his cases.

The daughter now faces the aftermath of her ordeal and the challenges of rebuilding her life with her family.

MYSTERY: Does the daughter go back to being a Yoga Instructor or does she go on a different path? Join her father in becoming a spy?

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke THRILLER PLOT

So, it has been very messy, but realise this is only the first attempt at placing all these elements together. I also found there are gaps, which when doing this process again, will be able to fill in these gaps and make it more comprehensible further down the track. Huge Learning Curve 🙂

Act 1. Opening: Daughter gives a Yoga class out on lawn beside beach, in Australia. Later at home she witnesses her mother (who lives in China) being abducted by 3 Asian men whilst on a video chat with her. She tries calling her father, he is not answering his phone.
Life Threatening: Are they going to kill her mother?

MYSTERY: Why would these strange men abduct her mother? Where is her father?

VILLAINS PLAN: Abduct the wife and torture her for information to the whereabouts of her husband.

Act 2. Inciting Incident: She now has to uncover the truth and rescue her mother. Martial Arts instructor chases up on tattoo design, informs her that the men were soldiers of the Chinese Triads, who happen to operate both in Australia/China.
She realises she needs to go deeper into the criminal underworld to find her parents. She goes undercover to Casino to seek out leads.

Life Threatening: She puts herself at risk should she be discovered by Triads
MYSTERY: Who are these men and what do they want with her mother? Why hasn’t she heard back from her father?
VILLAINS PLAN: Track down John and slowly torture him to death for revenge of his father’s murder.

Act 3. Turning Point: She must go to China to further her investigations. MA Instructor says, she must train to level up on her fighting skills (which is against her mother’s wishes) They train together.
Life Threatening: She feels she is not up for it, ex teacher re assures her, she must dig deep to find her “Fighting Warrior”, fight to survive.

MYSTERY: We find out that the daughter was a champion Martial Arts Practitioner.

VILLAINS PLAN: To find the hiding place of John, abduct and torture him.

Act 4. Midpoint: Her and her ex Martial Arts instructor find a bar where the Triads frequent, where she has to seek out information where they may be holding her mother.
Life Threatening: She is exposing herself once in the company of these underworld soldiers. MYSTERY: Who are these men and what do they want with her mother?

VILLAINS PLAN: Soldiers capture John and take him to the Dragon, in an abandoned warehouse.

Act 5. Turning Point: Her and MA Instructor find the location of a small hotel where the mother is being held, fight the soldiers who have weapons and rescue her. Fight Sequence.
John goes deeper into hiding, which makes him look guilty (red herring)
Life Threatening: two women outnumbered by six men.

MYSTERY: Mother explains, they are after information about her husband/father. WHY? What is going on?

VILLAINS PLAN: He is informed that the daughter is after him, he now orders his soldiers to kill her. He murders an opposing Triad leader and make it seem like John has committed these killings. to manipulate the police and distance himself from the crimes. He establishes false alibis for the Murder of Triad Leader, to put the police off track.

Act 6. Turning Point: Daughter sees TV program where her father is implicated in the murder of an opposing Triad gang Leader and is in hiding from the Chinese Authorities.
She goes back to bar, before she goes in, is chased away by Triad on motor bike. MOTOR BIKE CHASE. He crashes and before he dies she gets the information of the location of her father

Life Threatening: She now knows the Triads are onto her
MYSTERY: How is she going to rescue her father without the Triads finding her first?
Did her father really commit this recent murder?
VILLAINS PLAN: He takes John and moves him to another location, which is difficult as John now has severe injuries, leaving a trail of blood.

Act 7. Climax: Daughter pursues Villain up into the Mountains, to his grandfather’s home in a small isolated village. She confronts the Villain, a fight to the death ensues, he dies. She rescues her father and reunites him with his wife/mother.
Life Threatening: Fight to the death

MYSTERY: Why is the Villain after John?
VILLAINS PLAN: Slowly torture John to death as he killed his father.

Act 8. Resolution: The Father explains his innocence in the Triad murder BUT reveals he is an undercover agent who exposed the Heroin shipment to Australia and also shot the Villains father in the line of duty. The daughter now faces the aftermath of her ordeal and the challenges of rebuilding her life with her family.

MYSTERY: Does the daughter go back to being a Yoga Instructor or does she go on a different path? Join her father in becoming a spy?

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke “Life Threatening Sequences”

What I’m learning is that usually when I begin writing a script I start with the Character Profiles, with a thriller genre there is all this M.I.S. detail that has to be plotted in and sorted out well before I even start writing an outline! Have to get all this Sh!t in a Pile before you even begin – which is great, as then once all this detail is identified/worked out then the actual writing of the screenplay is the easy bit! 🙂

1. What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?

The Villain wants to track down the informant that led to the discovery of their shipment of Heroin that was seized in Melbourne, thus losing millions of dollars to their empire. As they trace this person, they suspect they also might be the same person who murdered their father.

The daughter just happens to be on a video chat with her mother when the Villains henchmen come to their home looking for her father/husband. They end up abducting the mother.

2.What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain? I HAVEN’T LISTED ITEMS 2 & 3 HERE AS THERE WERE TOO MANY

3. From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for this story.

4. Sequence those dangers in order and make a list (eg: Basic Instinct)

1. Daughter witnesses her mother’s abduction whilst on a live video chat
2. Her ex Martial Arts Instructor informs her that the men were soldiers of the Chinese Triads, who happen to operate both in Australia/China
3. Daughter goes Undercover, to Casino to seek out leads, which could expose her to
significant risks should she be discovered by the Triads.
4. Martial Arts Instructor finds potential Triads who could be involved and informs daughter to get to China ASAP
5. Daughter finds out that a large shipment of Heroin was seized by the authorities a few
months ago and that the Triads from China are seeking the informant. (Daughter goes
on a date with one of the soldiers from Casino who gives her this information)
6. Now in China with her MA instructor, they discover some locations where the Triads usually frequent, she must once again go to this bar, seek information where they may be holding her mother, thus placing herself once again in danger
7. She finds a lead and both women go to this hotel to rescue the mother, they must fight the soldiers who have weapon.
8. Daughter/Mother/MA all see news item that shows the father/husband is implicated in the murder of an opposing Triad gang Leader, is being sort after by the Chinese Authorities.
9. Daughter now realises she must find her father before the Police and more importantly before the Triads.
10. MA instructor stays to protect the mother. Daughter now must find the father. She finds the location where they held her father & evidence of torture/blood.
11. MA/Daughter say they must go back to Triad bar and find out where they have taken the father. A fight ensues and eventually the daughter gets the evidence from a suffering victim.
12. Daughter pursues Villain up into the Mountains, to his grandfather’s home, in a small out of the way village. She confronts the villain a fight to the death ensues, he dies. She rescues her father and he explains his innocence in the Triad murder but reveals he is an undercover agent who exposed the Heroin shipment to Australia and also shot the Villains father in the line of duty.
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[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke Creating the Mystery Sequence. I am learning that working backwards has its benefits when writing a THRILLER, in that you can then lay out the Mysteries and Cover Ups with more intrigue than usual manner of writing a drama from beginning to end.

6. CREATING THE MYSTERY SEQUENCE
1. What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?

The Villain seeks revenge on his father’s killer and will leave no stone unturned until he slowly tortures to death, the person responsible.

2. How many ways can they cover that secret up?

The Villain must find out who is his father’s killer, information points to successful import/export businessman from Australia, presently working in China.

The Villain murders some of his opposing Triad leaders and plants false information to blame John.

John, the Red Herring looks guilty and goes deeper into hiding.
The Villain establishes false alibis for these killings, to put the police off his track. 3. The First Mystery Must Engage The HERo into solving it.

Whilst on a video chat with her mother (Johns wife) the daughter witnesses the Villain’s soldiers enter the apartment looking for John. The mother hasn’t seen him and says he has been away on business. They don’t believe her and instantly abduct her.

4. Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one.

• Daughter sees mother’s abduction whilst on video chat
• Daughter contacts retired Martial Arts instructor to get some help
• Martial Arts teacher recognises tattoo on one of the Triad soldiers
• Daughter goes to Casino in City in hope to find some connection
• Villain kills triad opposition and lays blame on John
• Martial Arts instructor suggest daughter come straight away to China and not involve the
• police.
• Daughter arrives in China and begins training with her instructor to get her skills up to
• “combat ready”. They see TV news of the death of one triad leader with the suggestion
• her father did it.
• Daughter struggles to understand what is going on.
• Two women must first find mother
• John also sees the report and goes deeper into hiding, which makes him look guilty (red
• herring)
• Daughter and Martial Arts instructor find mother and before killing one of the remaining
• soldiers, find out who their leader is – the Dragon.
• The Dragon, finds John and takes him to a warehouse where he begins to sadistically torture him
• The Dragon was informed the daughter was onto him and has moved John up into the Mountains into a remote village. (house that belongs to his grandfather) John’s injuries leaves a trail of blood.
• The Daughter now follows leads/clues to get to warehouse, but too late. John is not there but much blood remains. (Martial Arts Instructor stays with mother to keep her safe)
• The Dragon now reveals why he is after John, for the revenge of his father’s death. John
• says it was all in the line of duty and nothing personal.
• • Daughter finds them, a fight to the death ensues, wins, killing the Villain and rescuing her father.
• Father explains to daughter he is a secret agent whose job it was to unveil the business of the Triads operating both in Australia and China and years ago he shot his father during a raid when uncovering a large Heroin shipment, into Australia.
• Family reunited, daughter grateful to Martial Arts instructor

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke VILLAINS PLAN

What I learned is that if you can make a GREAT Villain, then it makes the movie more intriguing. Its also very different by starting from the antagonists perspective, rather than from the Hero’s point of view. Not sure if I have it all figured out just yet, but I’m learning heaps doing this course:)

1. GOAL to Abduct the guilty man who murdered his father and slowly torture him to death. 2. How can he accomplish this in a devious way?

The Villain discovers the identity of his father’s killer, who is now a successful and influential individual. His goal is to track him down, kidnap him and subject them to a series of twisted psychological tortures reminiscent of the trauma the villain experienced due to their father’s death. These tortures are carefully designed to push him to the brink, forcing them to confront their own guilt and fear. The Villain films the ordeal, sending snippets of the torment to his wife/daughter, to drive a wedge between them.

3. How can he Cover It Up?

The Villain murders some of his opposing Triad leaders and plants false information, including fabricated communications, staged interactions and manipulated audio or video recordings that make it seem like John was complicit in these events. This could involve manipulating online forums, social media and anonymous tips to lead investigators and his daughter down false paths. By sowing confusion and misinformation, the Villain aims to create a narrative that distances them from the crimes he did himself.

The Villain establishes alibis that put them in different locations during the times when the killings take place. This could involve having a girlfriend vouch for his presence, using technology to manipulate security footage or electronic records and strategically placing themselves in public spaces to ensure that they are seen and accounted for.

4. Sequence it to make it intriguing as possible.

1. Abduct the wife/mother to find out where John is.

2. Whilst tracking down John, The Villain murders some of the opposing Triad leaders and make it seem like John has committed these killings to manipulate the police and distance himself from the crimes.

3. He establishes false alibis for these killings, to put the police off track.

4. He finds John and abducts him, takes him to a secret location and begins to slowly torture him.

5. He receives news that the daughter and ex Martial Arts Instructor, rescued the mother and are now after him.

6. He takes John and moves him to a hideout up in the mountains, which is difficult as John now has severe injuries, leaving a trail of blood.

7. The daughter tracks her father’s blood and because of her investigation into the Villains past finds their final hideout, an old house in a remote village that belonged to his grandfather. (Where he and his family used to go on holiday when he was a child)

8. A fight ensues between the Villain and the daughter, the daughter wins, killing the Villain and rescuing her father.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke Assignment #1 Basic Instincts Stacking Suspense

I learned that there are a lot of open or unanswered questions that the Hero asks or doesn’t know the answers to. These add to the Mystery, Intrigue and Suspense. Also there are red herrings such as Roxy wanting to kill the cop, because she was in love with Catherine. The audience is not sure what the relationship is with Hazel, either does the Cop. Is she also sleeping with this older woman? Beth is also a red herring as I think she was telling the truth about Catherine setting the book up as her alibi. So with the ice pick under her bed as the last shot, it makes me believe Catherine is the real killer. Lucky the cop didn’t want rug rats, which made her not want to kill him. But watch out, she could kill him later on?

ASSIGNMENT #2 Bourne Identity.

There is so much detail in the script that drives the story along, basically he is trying to figure out who he is which is the Big Mystery and what he does, INTRIGUE throughout the entire film. Most of the stakes are that his life or Marie’s is in danger (or the family/people she knows). The SUSPENSE is created when they add the element of Langley trying to chase after him and close down an operation that failed.

Most of the hired assassins sent to kill him are defeated by him, lucky he didn’t forget his combat skills! A good twist at the end when the final Assassin comes into frame, we see him point his gun at what we think is Jason, but it is the head of Langley and he is killed. Which is all done by the CIA top man who shuts down the whole of Treadstones operation!

Jason reveals he doesn’t want to stay in the game, and ends up with Marie.

I did notice that the musical soundtrack also indicates and heightens the TENSION/SUSPENSE just prior to it happening on screen, such as a car chase, fight scene, or a shoot out scene.

In conclusion, I gather that the more MIS/Stacking there is in the screenplay the better the film will be as far as drawing an audience into the situations/actions of the Hero and their journey.

[Brenda Clarke]

I’m learning that you must put the three MIS into most every main character. It also has brought up the question for me “do I need a Red Herring Character” in this story? I’m not sure yet, but something to think about as I navigate through these Thriller Story elements.

MYSTERY: Is the daughters struggle to uncover the clues to find her parents but also Why this has happened to them.

INTRIGUE: The Mowgai has captured the father to seek revenge for his own fathers death, which plays out during the film. Why is her father involved, what don’t we know about him?

SUSPENSE: The daughter puts her life and that of her Martial Arts teacher in danger once the Triads, find out they are being watched.

DAY 3.

WORLD: CASINO’S. Criminal underworld of Chinese Triads known as “The Corporation” operates both in Australia and China. Criminal activities include: drug importation & distribution (heroin), illegal gambling, money laundering, extortion, prostitution.

May Cheng: HERO/ Daughter

A: Mystery: May struggles to uncover the clues to find her parents but also WHY this has happened to them.

B: Intrigue: She appears to be an easy going young woman but deep down she is a mean lean fighting machine.

C: Suspense: The more she unravels about the Triads the more she is putting herself in danger.

“The Dragon” VILLAIN Long
A: Mystery: Why does he want May’s father captured?
B: Intrigue: He has a team of soldiers doing his dirty work

C: Suspense: He declares that he wants to kill May’s father for revenge of his own fathers’ death.

Cheng Shi / Father (English name John)
A: Mystery: Why is John on The Dragon’s hit list?

B: Intrigue: What lies has he been telling his family?

C: Suspense: We eventually find out that he is an undercover CIA Agent and through his duty, killed The Dragon’s father

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke BIG M.I.S.

I learned that the MIS must be thought of right from the get go, not an afterthought!

LOGLINE: A daughter enlists her former Martial Arts mentor to help rescue her abducted parents from Chinese Triads, unveiling family secrets and a deadly vendetta.

1. Conventions of the story:-

The reluctant HERO daughter must trace the clues she uncovers in order to track down where her parents are being held hostage.

The Dangerous VILLAIN is part of a special “Mogwai” band of brutal men who inflict extreme pain on their captives in order to get the answers they need.

HIGH STAKES are that the daughter doesn’t know if she will find her parents alive or dead.

LIFE & DEATH situations for her parents but also for herself and her female Martial Arts teacher, once the Triads know they are after them.

THRILLING STORY because of the setting both in Australia and China, including a diverse cast involving a consortium of Chines Triads known as “The Corporation” that operate both in Australia and Macau.

2. BIG M.I.S.

MYSTERY: Is the daughters struggle to uncover the clues to find her parents but also Why this has happened to them.

INTRIGUE: The Mowgai has captured the father to seek revenge for his own fathers death, which plays out during the film. Why is her father involved, what don’t we know about him?

SUSPENSE: The daughter puts her life and that of her Martial Arts teacher in danger once the Triads, find out they are being watched.

[Brenda Clarke]

“I Came By” 2022 Thriller Conventions

This was more a Mystery Thriller set in present day UK. With an actor Hugh Bonville, that normally plays gentlemanly/”Nice guy” roles. So casting against type was great which created the first part of BIG INTRIGUE.

The Audience knew he was a dangerous Villain from the outset, so the BIG MYSTERY was HOW is he going to be caught and Who is going to Catch him?

The first hero was unwitting and resourceful, a young 23 yr old Graffiti Artist, try to do good but he didn’t make it. The second hero was his mother, who tried to trace her missing sons whereabouts, who also didn’t make it. LIFE AND DEATH Risks for anyone trying to catch this Villain.

Eventually risking HIGH STAKES because he was a young black man, he put his life, his relationship with his young partner and new baby boy all at risk.

this was a great thriller because they went against type, a High Court Judge who had police connections (that protected him from the outset) but was a crazy killer who chopped up his victims and burnt them in his deceased wife’s pottery kiln. Both the young men, who you would normally cast as common criminals were the actual heroes, so once again going against type created great intrigue from the outset.

Big SUSNPENSE was created when each hero tried to rescue someone or trap the villain and failed leaving it to the third hero to finally trap the villain, rescue another hostage and alert the police for a final arrest.

What I learned is that you can reveal the villain early on, but the how and who is going to trap him is all in the M.I.S. Also I learned that you can have more than one hero, especially when the villain is bumping everyone off!

Not a film I would normally watch, but really enjoyed watching the Thriller conventions in play throughout the script.

[Brenda Clarke]

G’day or should I say Good Morning. Please excuse me if I look a bit tired, I am not a morning person as it is 6am Sunday Morning when I join these zoom meetings 🙂

I have written about 9 feature films, two short films.

I hope to gain the skills to write an excellent thriller, as I love watching these type of movies, but always thought this genre was out of my league.

I have worked in the entertainment industry for decades in front of the camera and on stage as an actress (in Australia/UK & West End) and through ScreenwritingU am educating myself to cross over to the other side of the camera/stage to become a writer/director.

I began writing for live theatre, where I was successful in gaining government funding to write/produce/direct/tour original shows. I have written/directed/produced a couple of short films as well as producing small doco’s for local community groups (during covid).

Recently I was invited to pitch my screenplays to Producers one on one at the Melbourne International Film Festival at 37 degree South Market PS&D. I had some great meetings and now have over a hundred local and some O.S Producers to market to!

I look forward to chatting with you all and exchanging scripts 🐨

Brenda Clarke

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke

“I agree to the terms of this release form.”

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Brenda Clarke]

WORDSMITHING

what a great way to scan ones written work with these set of outlines. I now want to use this method to check my other screenplays!

Because my BWTV is an historical piece, I had to particularly pay attention to common use of language and eliminate them.

the next major one was common words such as “walks” where I found so many other ways of changing this to more appropriate descriptions.

My page count is a little short of what I want, but I am ready to exchange. Please email me at ozmaidprod@bigpond.com

May I also send my Pitch Bible as I need someone to also look at editing down the 5 seasons (it is currently too wordy). THANKS in advance

[Brenda Clarke]

DESCRIPTION CHART

I have completed going through the description and made sure it is in the present tense.

the second step, I made sure I got rid of common use of words such as “walks”, Looks etc.

I was surprised how easily just changing these two minor things immediately made the pilot read a lot quicker.

I then removed most of the unwanted CAPS for sound, removed unwanted “He”, “she”.

I will continue to do an in-depth re-write of the descriptions once I have finalised all scenes to be included in the pilot.

[Brenda Clarke]

World Introductions, I feel I covered this when I re-wrote the descriptions in the previous assignment.

I used IRONY in the scene where Elliot tells his sister, he has some business to attend to and escorts her out of his room. the audience is aware of him narrowly escaping arrest, which they know he is keeping to himself.

I will endeavour to go over these assignments with tidying up the pilot once I feel I have completed filling it out more.

[Brenda Clarke]

DESCRIPTION I made some changes, but seeing my overall pilot is short, I need to go back to the outline and see where I can add to it. Then I have to write new scenes and make sure they all fit together to make one exciting pilot.

so with that in mind. the first thing I did was make sure everything was in the present tense in the description. Makes it so much easier to read.

then I replaced my opening description:- ALSO opening CHARACTER description:-

FIRST ATTEMPT:

Dark dingy space, wind swirls around the dirt floor of a cluttered shed. Offcuts of mettle sprawled across the floor. Hammers, knives, horse shoes adorn the walls.

The Blacksmith, a large dirty man, swings a hammer down on a red hot piece of iron, whack. An old scar cuts through one side of his whiskered cheek.

As he works Harriet Wright (30’s early 40’s) a middle class horse breeder, cautiously approaches, she follows a narrow path to the back of the workshop towards the Blacksmith.

SECOND ATTEMPT:

1830’s England. Dark dingy cobbled laneway, a figure of a woman walks down towards the back yard. The sound of a hammer hitting metal gets louder as she approaches.

It opens to a small court yard, with stables and horses to the left and a Blacksmiths workshop to the right. The woman pats a horse before entering the workshop. Wind swirls around the dirt floor of a cluttered shed. Offcuts of mettle sprawled across the floor. Hammers, knives, horse shoes adorn the walls.

The Blacksmith, a large dirty man swings a hammer down on a red hot piece of iron, whack. An old scar cuts through on side of his whiskered cheek.

As he works Harriet Wright (late 30’s early 40’s) confident and forthright woman in a mans world, a middle class horse breeder, cautiously approaches the back of the workshop towards the Blacksmith.

[Brenda Clarke]

Concentrating just on the dialogue alone, is a great way to improve the script. I will endeavour to do more on the dialogue once I have written a few more scenes.

1. I immediately noticed many modern uses of language that people use to begin a sentence with such as: Oh, So, Well, etc. My first attempt of cleaning up the dialogue, How can I helpI did a sweep of the entire dialogue to remove these and replace them with language that was more suited to the period.

2. Let me muddle through it first was replaced with “I have things to attend to”. Which is IRONIC DIALOGUE where the audience know about Elliot’s ordeal but he is not giving anything away to his sister.

3. It could be by the end of the afternoon. Replaced with “It could be within the next hour”.

response was “Jolly Good” Replaced with “What a good sport”! When referring to the stallion servicing his mare. Gave it more sexual SUBTEXT.

4. I noticed I had repeated a saying, “What on earth” with two different characters using the same dialogue. So I cut it for one and changed it for another that was more suitable for the PROFILE.

5. How can I help? Replaced with: “What are you after”? more PROFILE suitable to the character.

[Brenda Clarke]

It’s important that the dialogue grabs/interests the producer/reader, so I carefully went through to improve the dialogue.

7. DIALOGUE AS ACTION

for eg: in the Teaser: Crime Boss “You’ll do what I ask …if ya’ know what’s good for ya’.”

cont’d: he says”Listen darlin’ I am the leader of the Cock Road Gang an’ you’ll do as I say”!

Threatening to harm Harriet.

8. SUBTEXT: Audience knows that Elliot narrowly escaped being arrested by the Authorities at the Molly House, when his sister enquires what’s wrong, he responds with a no response and a misdirection.

Emily: Is there something else bothering you?

Elliot doesn’t answer.

Emily: You can always rely on my discretion.

Elliot: I know, thank you. I have a few things to attend to.

Elliot then escorts his sister out of his room.

[Brenda Clarke]

DIALOGUE 3,4,5

SET UP/Pay OFF

I used this technique in the teaser scene between the Protagonist Harriet and the Antagonist the head of the Criminal Underworld boss.

Harriet goes for her purse.

HARRIET
I suppose I could spare . . .

BLACKSMITH
I don’t want your penny’s madame. I

want you to do a little somethin’ for me.

HARRIET How can I help?

BLACKSMITH
You scratch my back and I’ll

scratch yours.

HARRIET
It’s rather urgent that I find

them, especially her younger sister.

BLACKSMITH
I got to know if you can be

trusted, see?

HARRIET Of course you can.

BLACKSMITH
Hah! It’s not a matter of say so.

You’ve got to prove it to me.

HARRIET
What on earth do you mean?

The Blacksmith sidles closer to Harriet.

BLACKSMITH
I am a man of influence, I know

people and people know me. If you do this one thing for me then I may be able to help you.

HARRIET
And what would that be?

BLACKSMITH
I need you to go to an associate of

mine and put him out of business, permanent-like.

Harriet moves a step back from him.

ANTICIPATORY DIALOGUE

I used this to make the audience wonder about whether Harriet will consider marrying someone her mother has picked out for her.

Rosie leaves the room. Harriet, takes the sugar bowl and places a spoon of sugar into her mothers tea cup.

HARRIET
Would you like me to stir it as

well?

MRS. WRIGHT
Hand me a biscuit would you?

Harriet obediently hands her mother a small plate of biscuits. Mrs. Wright takes one and dunks it into her tea before eating it.

Harriet returns to the couch and drinks her tea. Mrs. Wright having finished her soggy biscuit takes a sip of tea.

MRS. WRIGHT (CONT’D)
You know dear, I have been thinking

that perhaps we should invite Mr. Bennet to dine with us one evening.

Harriet quickly puts down her cup and lands it with a CLANG into the saucer, the teaspoon RATTLES.

HARRIET
Mother, has he been pestering you

again.

MRS. WRIGHT
Harriet, it is not I who he wants

to pester. Mrs. Wright smiles.

HARRIET
For goodness sake, I’m not

interested.

MRS. WRIGHT
He did send me a letter a day ago,

requesting us to dine with him.
Mrs. Wright drinks her tea, waiting for an answer.

HARRIET
I’m far to busy to be attending

boring social functions.
Mrs. Wright stares over her glasses to her daughter.

HARRIET (CONT’D) Let me think about it.

IRONIC DIALOGUE

This element has alluded me to date, but as I continue to develop this first episode, I will endeavour to add it into the mix.

[Brenda Clarke]

Dialogue 1 & 2

Using these two components I was able to add depth into the scenes with only using dialogue.

eg: 1Attack/Counter Attack

I had the two sisters Tilly & Rosie arguing in a prison cell

eg: 2. Dialogue Delivers Character

I was able to add dialogue showing Elliot’s profile part that expressed his wealth/social position.

[Brenda Clarke]

Problem/Solution GRID #2

No. 6 Characters Need More Depth.

I need to add scenes that show more of the characters profiles, to give them more depth.

For example, I have now written a dance scene where it shows Richard is the leader and Elliot is the follower. This is to forecast their masculine side (Richard) and the more feminine side of Elliot.

I have added dialogue to show Harriets wound, re her father leaving her and her mother.

SECRET reveal is that Harriet and Rosie are lovers, now I need to add a scene after the big reveal, where Harriet shows her desperation/concern for finding her maid.

[Brenda Clarke]

Once again made a boo boo by placing an answer in the wrong section!OOPS!

COMPLETING GRID#1

Problem 1, Weak Teaser. Solution: rewrite to make something intriguing, whereby I now show the protagonist committing a crime, which should hook the viewers into wanting to know more about this woman.

Problem 2. Structure Acts. I realised I didn’t introduce the main protagonists well. Solution to show both Harriet and Elliot in their normal day to day worlds and this will show the great divide between the English Aristocracy, the middle class and the lower class. This will give the audience a better SET UP of who these people are.

Problem 3. Cliff Hanger at the end of the pilot wasn’t strong enough. Solution, what I wrote was very good but it was in the wrong order. I changed over two scenes so that I now have a very strong HOOK to conclude the pilot!

Loving the process, as I am very confident that every pass I do in Module 4 will only increase the quality of my pilot! 🙂

[Brenda Clarke]

Act 4 & 5

I realise I posted a previous assignment in the wrong section!

I was able to write quickly from my outline but have realised that I do not have enough detail and thus this first pilot episode has come up short.

I look forward to lesson 6 for the RE-WRITES! and adding details, making it fuller and richer as I go.

[Brenda Clarke]

ACT 3 DRAFT

I am finding out that my outline is lacking detail, when it comes to me writing these scenes. The writing is flowing well, but I need to do a lot more work later on when it comes to the rewrites to flesh it out.

Rule 1. A

Rule 2. A

Rule 3. B

Rule 4. A

Rule 5. B

Rule 6. A

[Brenda Clarke]

ACT 2 first draft

I learned that my outline is not really in the best order, I am placing scenes in different areas as I write to give it better flow.

Because of the High Speed Writing Rules I am able to continue on regardless of not knowing all the answers! FAB!

Rule 1.A

Rule 2. b

Rule 3. A

Rule 4. A

Rule 5. b

Rule 6. A

[Brenda Clarke]

Act 1

I followed the outline and realised that some of the sequences didn’t flow, so I adjusted them as I went along.

I also realised that perhaps my outline is a bit too brief and that I may need more details for each scene to flesh it out to 6 pages or more.

[Brenda Clarke]

High Speed Writing Rules/TEASER

This was an excellent way to begin writing the pilot. I was able to follow the teaser from my outline and was quickly able to write 4 pages!

I really love that the concept here is to get words down on paper regardless of the quality, knowing that this comes with further drafts/re-writes.

I am ready to get to the next section of my outline!

[Brenda Clarke]

OUTLINE WITH INTRIGUE

adding the main intrigue for each scene will help when it comes to the actual writing of the episode, together with the added components makes a perfect outline to follow.

TEASER:

INT: BLACKSMITHS WORKSHOP – DAY: INTRIGUING WORLD

Harriet confronted by Criminal Underworld Boss, strongly suggests she perform a crime in order for her to be trusted. Before he divulges any information regarding the missing girls.

SET UP:Start: Harriet walks into Mr X’s dark workshop.
Situation: She must get information from him regarding the girls whereabouts.

Conflict: Mr X. reluctant to give away information for nothing, He wants something in return, to have Harriet perform a crime in order for him to trust her. She refuses.

EMPATHY/DISTRESS: Action: MrX. hammers away on the anvil, he grabs Harriets hand tries to force it into the flames of the fire.

PAY OFF: Finish: Harriet eventually agrees to his terms.

ACT 1.

INT. MRS. WRIGHTS BEDROOM – MORNING: MYSTERY
SET UP: Mrs Wright awakes, rings bell for maid, she doesn’t appear. EXT. STABLES – MORNING: INTRIGUING WORLD
SET UP:Harriet Wright attending to her horses.
INT. BEDROOM – SAME TIME: STRANGE BEHAVIOUR

EMPATHY/DISTRESS Mrs. Wright, gets out of bed and calls for Rosie. Harriet goes inside to see what is going on.

OPEN LOOP: Rosie’s bed not been slept in.

ACT 2.

INT. MOLLY HOUSE/ Bedroom – NIGHT: STRANGE BEHAVIOUR

SECRET:Elliot & Richard making love

EXT. POV BUSHES – NEXT MORNING: SECRET IDENTITY

MYSTERY: pair of hands spreads bushes apart to see the early morning raid of the Authorities on Molly House.

INT. MOLLY HOUSE/BEDROOM – MORNING: IMMINENT THREAT

EMPATHY/DISTRESS:Richard, quickly assists Elliot escape through window as Authorities break door in and grab Richard.

EXT. PATH – DAY;MYSTERY

EMPATHY/DISTRESS Harriet rides her horse into town, makes enquiries regarding her maid.

OPEN LOOP?Eventually she finds out that they headed across the road to the coach house.

ACT 3.

INT. KITCHEN/Large Manor/Estate- MORNING: DECEPTION

EMPATHY/DISTRESS:Elliot arrives home with a cracked rib and cut to his left shoulder. He lies to his servants and says he was drunk and fell off his horse.

INT; ELLIOT’S BEDROOM, Later- WOUND

EMPATHY/DISTRESS: Elliot’s Father Sir Oswald Edwards, bangs on the door. Elliot doesn’t want to come out. Father furious, wants an explanation.

INT. COACH HOUSE/OFFICE – DAY: STRANGE BEHAVIOUR

OPEN LOOPS: Harriet makes enquiries regarding Rosie and older sister Tilly, they went to Bristol. No return ticket.

ACT 4.

INT. KITCHEN/ MRS WRIGHTS HOME – DAY: STRANGE BEHAVIOUR

EMPATHY/DISTRESS: Harriet informs mother that she is off to the city of Bristol to find Rosie. Mother can’t understand her daughters sudden urge to find their maid and neglect of her animals/work.

INT. ELLIOTS BEDROOM – LATER: WOUND

EMPATHY/DISTRESS Elliot pours a large whiskey and knocks it back. Afraid, distraught.

EXT. STABLES – DAY: MYSTERY

OPEN LOOP: Harriet has a fresh horse, packed ready to ride to Bristol.

ACT 5.

INT. ELLIOT’S BEDROOM – NEXT DAY: CONSPIRACY

MYSTERY: Elliot suspicious, were they set up? He takes out Richards invitation to the Molly House, date/time/location etc.

Servant comes to door with breakfast, not interested.
INT. POLICE STATION/Bristol – AFTERNOON: MYSTERY

MYSTERY: Harriet makes enquiries about girls, any arrests in the last day. Not of women but Constable informs him there are several police stations throughout the city. Perhaps they might know something.

EXT. BRISTOL STREET – DAY:SECRET

Harriet crosses road to local pub.

INT. PUB – MOMENTS LATER: HIDDEN LAYER

OPEN LOOP: Bar tender can’t remember girls but nearby drinker says he knows Tilly and has connections with the criminal underworld.

Harriet asks for a room, pays and goes upstairs. INT. ROOM AT PUB – LATER: SUSPICION Harriet exhausted falls asleep on bed.

DREAM SEQUENCE:
INT. STABLE – EARLY EVENING: SET UP
PAY OFF: Flashback: Rosie comes into the stables and seduces Harriet.

EXT. STREET OF BRISTOL. MORNING: STRANGE BEHAVIOUR

OPEN LOOP: SHOT of Rosie and Tilly thrown into the back of a paddy wagon, which then heads down the cobble stone road.

[Brenda Clarke]

Scene Requirements. Why is the AUDIO lesson posted AFTER the class?

Some scenes there may not be much “action” which indicates there is room for improvement.

TEASTER

INT. BLACKSMITHS WORKSHOP – Day

Start: Harriet walks into Mr X’s dark workshop.

Situation: She must get information from him regarding the girls whereabouts.

Conflict: Mr X. reluctant to give away information for nothing, He wants something in return, to have Harriet perform a crime in order for him to trust her. She refuses.

Action: MrX. hammers away on the anvil, he grabs Harriets hand tries to force it into the flames of the fire.

Finish: Harriet eventually agrees to his terms. She must come back later to get the details.

[Brenda Clarke]

Beat Sheet

This is a great exercise to master for ease of use further down the track. Just going with the flow at present. I do however, have some suggestions of “dialogue” in my outline as a hint of where I want to go.

SHOW CONCEPT: Chasing after Love

INCITING INCIDENT: Household maid suddenly goes missing

A STORY: Tracking Down ones love (LGBTQ 1830’s)

B STORY: Harriet and Rosie relationship/FAMILY Elliot and Richard relationship/FAMILY

C STORY: Criminals/Lawyers/Judges/Sailors

TEASER:

INT: day. BlackSmiths Workshop, dark creepy place.

Harriet confronted by Criminal Underworld Boss, strongly suggests she perform a crime in order for her to be trusted. Before he divulges any information regarding the missing girls.

ACT 1.

INT. Morning. Mrs. Wrights bedroom.

Mrs Wright awakes, rings bell for maid, she doesn’t appear.

EXT. Morning. STABLES,Harriet Wright attending to her horses.

INT. Morning, Bedroom, same time.

Mrs. Wright, gets out of bed and calls for Rosie. Harriet goes inside to see what is going on.

Rosie’s bed not been slept in.

ACT 2.

INT. Night. Molly House, Bedroom

Elliot & Richard making love

EXT. next morning POV Bushes

pair of hands spreads bushes apart to see the early morning raid of the Authorities on Molly House.

INT. Bedroom Molly House

Richard, quickly assists Elliot escape through window as Authorities break door in and grab Richard.

EXT. Path. Day

Harriet rides her horse into town, makes enquiries regarding her maid.

Eventually she finds out that they headed across the road to the couch house.

ACT 3.

INT. Kitchen. Large Manor/Estate

Elliot arrives home with a cracked rib and cut to his left shoulder. He lies to his servants and says he was drunk and fell off his horse.

INT. Elliots Bedroom Later

Elliot’s Father Sir Oswald Edwards, bangs on the door. Elliot doesn’t want to come out. Father furious, wants an explanation.

INT. Office Coach House. Day

Harriet makes enquiries regarding Rosie and older sister Tilly, they went to Bristol. No return ticket.

ACT 4.

INT. Kitchen. Afternoon Mrs. Wrights home

Harriet informs mother that she is off to the city of Bristol to find Rosie. Mother can’t understand her daughters sudden urge to find their maid and neglect of her animals/work.

INT. Elliot’s Bedroom. later.

Elliot pours a large whiskey and knocks it back. Afraid, distraught.

EXT. Day. Stables

Harriet has a fresh horse, packed ready to ride to Bristol.

ACT 5.

INT. Elliots Bedroom next day.

Elliot suspicious, were they set up? He takes out Richards invitation to the Molly House, date/time/location etc.

Servant comes to door with breakfast, not interested.

INT. Police Station. Bristol, Afternoon

Harriet makes enquiries about girls, any arrests in the last day. Not of women but Constable informs him there are several police stations throughout the city. Perhaps they might know something.

EXT. Day. Later

Harriet crosses road to local pub.

INT. Pub.

Bar tender can’t remember girls but nearby drinker says he knows Tilly and has connections with the criminal underworld.

Harriet asks for a room, pays and goes upstairs.

INT. PUB Room

Harriet exhausted falls asleep on bed.

DREAM SEQUENCE:

INT. STABLE. Early Evening.

Flashback: Rosie comes into the stables and seduces Harriet.

EXT. Afternoon. Streets of Bristol

SHOT of Rosie and Tilly thrown into the back of a paddy wagon, which then heads down the cobble stone road.

[Brenda Clarke]

Set Ups for Future Episodes,

I learned that I can always place more intrigue into the opening pilot. I am still working on the very opening teaser as I’m not 100% sure whether to add a scene that is in a future episode: eg: Harriet being confronted by Criminal Underworld Boss, who strongly suggests that she must perform a crime in order for her to be trusted. If I add this, then it would point more towards the bigger picture of Harriet becoming involved with crime.

I added a very small scene where someone was behind bushes watching the Molly House being raided.

I also added some intrigue that Rosie’s older sister Tilly was a “bad’un and cavorts with all sorts of criminal low life”

Then the very last scene I added: Rosie & Tilly being thrown into the back of a paddy wagon.

[Brenda Clarke]

8. Empathy/Distress

This is a great brainstorming exercise for future episodes to make sure that every character, especially my main four, have some sort of empathy/distress going on for them. Hopefully this will engage the audience and keep them watching!

Plot intruding on life: Maid suddenly goes missing.
Extreme consequences: Elliot narrowly escapes whilst his young lover is arrested.

Bring their wound present: Both Harriet and Elliot suddenly have their lives turned upside down by what has happened to them and their lovers.

I have added two things: a) that emotionally Harriet must have this situation (of her maid missing) more painful, that she is quite distressed.

b) In contrast Elliot is to be more fearful of his narrow escape and wonders what may be in store for him, did someone see him? Will he be arrested as well?

[Brenda Clarke]

7. Open Loops & Mysteries

I feel that there are already Mysteries and Open Loops in each ACT and yet, haven’t discovered new areas to add them. Perhaps it may become more evident once I get to start writing the pilot.

Main Mystery: Maid hasn’t returned from her day off. What Happened?
Sub Mysteries: Why is Harriet so distraught that her maid hasn’t come home?
Main Open Loop: Why has Rosie gone missing? Why was the Molly House raided?

Sub-Open Loops: How are Harriet and Elliot going to keep their secrets from their respective families?

[Brenda Clarke]

6. STACKING INTRIGUE:
I was rather pleased to find that I already had some stacked intrigue within the outline and I can develop these with each rewrite.

INTRIGUING WORLD: 1830’s England, small rural town of Gloucestershire

MYSTERY: Maid Rosie goes missing

STRANGE BEHAVIOR: Mrs. Wright notices her daughters change in behaviour since their maid has not returned home after her day off.

Act 1: In a panic, Harriet mounts her horse and heads to town to search for Rosie

INTRIGUE: why is Harriet extremely concerned about her missing maid?

SECRET: Is Rosie or Harriet hiding something?

STRANGE BEHAVIOUR: Rosie and Tilly were last seen getting on a coach to Bristol

Act 2: Harriet is directed to the Coach House, where the girls were last seen

INTRIGUING WORLD: 1830”s “Molly House” where homosexual men met socially and had the opportunity to sleep with one another in secret.

INTRIGUE: why was the Molly House raided the very morning Elliot happened to be spending the night with Richard?

WOUND: Elliot physically is injured when he jumps from the veranda to the ground. Act 2: Elliot escapes through a window but Richard is arrested
STRANGE BEHAVIOUR: for a grown man to lock himself in his room
SECRET: Elliot is a closeted homosexual

Act 3: Elliot locks himself in his room
STRANGE BEHAVIOUR: Harriet suddenly neglects her animals/business

INTRIGUE: Mrs. Wright can’t work out why her daughter is suddenly desperate to find their maid.

Act 4: Harriet now goes to Bristol in search of Rosie

HIDDEN LAYER: is there something behind the invitation to the Molly House?

DECEPTION: Has Elliot been set up? By Whom and Why?

Act 5: Elliot ponders over Richards’ invitation to “Molly House” wonders if they were set up and . . .

SECRET: Rosie seduces her mistress one evening in the stables. INTRIGUE: 1830’s life of LGBTQ individuals

Act 5: Harriet dream reveals that she and Rosie are lovers.

[Brenda Clarke]

5. LAYERS AND REVEALS

I didn’t find many opportunities of adding new layers but I suppose this exercise will come into its own when I start to outline future episodes 2-8.

Deeper Layer Reveals, Harriet is in a lesbian relationship with her maid Rosie. Presented in a surprising dream sequence/flashback where Rosie seduces her mistress in the stables one afternoon. This is Presented as the Surprise Ending of Episode One, which hopefully gets the audience hooked.

Reveal of Elliot and Richard in a homosexual relationship, by a shocking/surprising way of when they are in bed together at the Molly House, adding another Layer is that he is keeping his homosexuality a secret from his family.

[Brenda Clarke]

LESSON 4: Character Story Lines

I see by doing this that my secondary characters’ journey is slightly less the main protagonist but every episode may vary with the amount of information/storyline of the two main characters.

HARRIET WRIGHT

Beginning: A middle class horse trainer is suddenly distraught when the households’ maid suddenly doesn’t return from her day off.

Turning Point: She decides to ride into town to find Rosie
Midpoint: Harriet gets a lead which points her to the local coach house

Turning Point 2: Harriet discovers the girls have gone to Bristol

Major Conflict: Harriet neglects her animals/business and dashes off to Bristol. Her mother cannot understand her daughters sudden change in mood since the maid went missing.

Ending: Revealed that Harriet is in a lesbian relationship with her maid Rosie.

ELLIOT OTTO EDWARDS

Beginning: An aristocratic gentleman is in bed with his handsome young lover, a common sailor.

Turning Point: Early the next morning the “Molly House” is raided. The Sailor helps Elliot escape out the window but is arrested himself.

Midpoint: Elliot lies to his servants saying that he was drunk and fell off his horse, with regards to his injuries.

Turning Point 2: Elliot’s father finds his son has locked himself in his room and won’t come out.

Major Conflict: Elliot struggles emotionally within himself, he begins to drink, afraid and unsure of what to do.

END/Dilemma: Elliot unsure what to do next, does he dare to rescue/find his lover Richard? or close the door on a very lucky escape from the authorities, as he doesn’t want anyone to know, especially his father, about him being a homosexual.

[Brenda Clarke]

First Draft Of Pilot Acts

By breaking up an episode in this way it makes it very clear of what must be covered and highlights the drama and turning points to get an audience hooked. This is early stages but I feel I now have a handle on how to go about outlining the Pilot, it can only get better from here!

Teaser: Harriet rides her horse into town desperately looking for someone. She Questions locals eg: grocery shop, publican, all shake head no

Essence: Show how upset and frustrated Harriet is

Turning Point: She is eventually pointed in the direction of the Mail Coach

Act 1:

Essence: Mrs Wright wakes one morning and rings the bell for the maid, she doesn’t answer. Harriet already up and tending to her horses as the mother calls out for “Rosie”. Mrs Wright divulges the absence of their maid to her daughter who suddenly goes to the maid’s bedroom and discovers her bed hasn’t been slept in. She has not returned from her day off.

Turning Point: In a panic, Harriet quickly mounts her horse and sets off into town to look for Rosie. Mother distraught “Who’s going to dress me”? Harriet calls back, “you could try it for once”.

Act 2:

Essence: Elliot and Richard making love in upstairs bedroom of a “Molly House”, early hours of the morning the house is raided. Richard helps Elliot escape but is arrested himself.

Turning Point/Midpoint: Harriet enquires about Rosie if she was in the bakery yesterday. Attendant responds with a yes, “two sticky buns”. Was she with her sister? Don’t know who she was but yes with another older girl. Where did they go? I saw them head off across the road to the coach house. Harriet thanks her and head to the coach house.

Act 3:

Essence: Elliot arrives home with a cracked rib and cut to his left shoulder (injuries from falling from the veranda to the ground) His servants attend to his wound and wakes the stable boy to fetch for the doctor.

Turning Point: Elliot’s father wakes to find his son has locked himself in his bedroom and won’t come out. Furious he doesn’t understand why. Elliot frightened, hurt and ashamed pours himself a large whisky. “leave me alone”!

Act 4:

• Essence: Coach House attendant informs Harriet that the two girls took the morning coach into Bristol, they didn’t purchase a return ticket.

• Turning Point: Harriet disappointed returns home and informs her mother she is off to Bristol to find Rosie. Mrs. Wright says that its’ “her no good older sister that has probably got her into some sort of trouble”. This now upsets Harriet even more. She quickly packs a bag, saddles a fresh horse and heads off for Bristol. Mrs. Wright can’t understand her daughters sudden urge to find their maid, her neglect of her animals/business

Act 5:

Essence: to see Rosie and Tilly being thrown into the back of a paddy wagon. To reveal the real relationship of Harriet and Rosie.

Lock In: Harriet at Coach House in Bristol enquires about the two girls and where they’re headed? Someone saw them go to the local pub for a drink. Harriet goes to pub where a local tells her that Tilly is a “bad’un” and cavorts with “all sorts”. Criminal Connections? Harriet exhausted, rests up in a room at the pub. She falls asleep on the bed and dreams: FLASHBACK: the afternoon Rosie comes into the stables and seduces Harriet.

[Brenda Clarke]

Layers, Cover Ups, Reveals

I learnt that there is always an opportunity to write more depth into an episode using techniques such as Layers, Cover Ups and Reveals.

Although I may not have added many with this exercise, hopefully there is enough sets ups for intrigue to have the reveals in the following episodes, hopefully having hooked the audience. Fingers crossed.

I added Elliot puzzling over the hand written invitation from Richard to meet him at the “Molly House” showing the name of the place, the date and the time for their secret meeting. This has created doubt in Elliot’s mind, were they set up and by whom?

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

Lesson 2 Brenda AMAZING INCITING INCIDENT
After doing this exercise it clearly shows the basics are there but needs to be more focused.

1. What is the “Inciting Incident” of your series that this pilot needs to deliver powerfully?

We discover that Harriet is distraught when her maid doesn’t return from her day off. 2. Give us the main beats of that Inciting Incident:

Intriguing Concept:1830’s setting but LGBTQ characters

Act 1: Harriet is a middle class Englishwoman who trains horses for a living

and lives a quite normal life until one morning she discovers her maid hasn’t

returned from her day off.

Midpoint: We discover that Harriet is secretly a lesbian and in a relationship

with her maid Rosie. Elliot narrowly escapes arrest while his lover is caught

for “crimes of an unnatural act”

Lock In: Harriet must find her lover as she can’t bear to live without her.

[Brenda Clarke]

MODULE 3
Big Picture Components
Not sure if there is enough to grip the audience into binge watching this? At least it’s a start.

SERIES INFO:

World: 1830’s England/Australia & Criminal Underworld

Main mystery: The disappearance of a household maid

Impossible Goal: To find where she is

Main Conflict: Harriet enters the criminal underworld to find answers

Second Mystery: Elliot narrowly escapes arrest whilst is lover is not so lucky

Season 1 Arc: From having your lover suddenly disappear to getting involved

with criminals.

Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: Harriet discovers her dark side whilst

Elliot finds his back bone.

2. Tell us the basic Pilot Info:

PILOT INFO:

Pilot Conflict: Harriet crosses both social and moral boundaries when she is in a lesbian relationship with her maid.

Characters Introduced: Harriet, Rosie, Edward, Richard, family, servants

Inciting Incident of Season 1: Rosie the maid hasn’t returned from her day off,

where is she?

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda’s TV Pitch Bible

Wow, this took some time. I need assistance with regards to cutting back/editing the 5 series section as this is too wordy and takes up a lot of space. However, this is just the first attempt. Fingers Crossed it can only improve!

I am ready to exchange.

ozmaidprod@bigpond.com

[Brenda Clarke]

From going through the tv pitch bible I realised there were quite a few repetitive words and some sentences. I have made some improvements but the more I work on this the better it will become over time.

TITLE: ANTIPODES

GENRE: Historical Drama

FORMAT: 1 Hour (57/8minutes UK)

CONCEPT: England 1830’s where two LGBTQ people’s stories play out.

A middle-class horse trainer turns into a bad ass to find the whereabouts of her missing lover. Her secret is that she is a closeted lesbian and in love with her maid. She discovers her true grit and leaves no stone unturned as she slowly delves into the criminal underworld to find answers.

A feeble aristocratic gentleman comes to terms with his true self when his lover is arrested for “crimes of an unnatural act”. He hides his homosexuality from his overbearing father but discovers his back bone in the hope to re-unite with his lover, a common sailor.

WORLD: The divided social structure of 1830’s England from the upper crust of the aristocracy, to hard working middle class society, through to the working class and down to the seedy underworld of criminals. Covering the legal journey of convicted felons from the arrest to jail time/imprisoned in a ship hulk, to the court trials at the Old Bailey and eventual sentencing to several years hard labour. Then facing the trials and tribulations of the lengthy ships voyage whilst being transported. Facing the unknown and arduous life in new colonies of Australia.

SUMMARY: Harriet Wright a middle-class horse trainer wakes one morning to find her maid hasn’t turned up from her day off. She leaves no stone unturned to find her, which leads her to the criminal underworld. To gain the trust of the underworld boss she must partake in a crime. Will they give her answers of the whereabouts of her maid Rosie? Can she trust them or is she being used? Harriet becomes a pants wearing law breaker when committing scandalous crimes for the underworld boss. Can she keep her dark secret that Rosie her maid is her lover from her doting mother? Harriet is a woman of action and will go to the ends of the earth to be with her one true love.

Elliot Otto Edwards an aristocratic gentleman narrowly escapes being arrested when he and his lover Richard spend the night in a Molly House. His lover, a common sailor is arrested for “crimes of an unnatural act”. Elliot becomes a recluse and hits the bottle not knowing what to do about his circumstances. Eventually he comes out to his sister and finds the courage to rescue his lover Richard. Will he forfeit his heritage and wealth to be with the love of his life or sacrifice his happiness to fulfil his father’s wishes, to continue the family blood-line?

Both Harriet and Elliot have a chance meeting when in London and discover they have common ground. The two decide to work together to find their lovers and venture into a marriage of convenience, which surprises both their families. Rosie has been arrested along with her sister Tilly for being in possession of stolen clothing and are about to be shipped off to Australia for 7 years hard labour. Richard on the

other hand is held up in a ship hulk prior to his court appearance. He manages to avoid the noose and is sentenced to 10 years hard labour in Australia.

All three convicts suffer the perilous voyage with sickness, unwanted pregnancy, sailing through severe storms and death. Their lovers Harriet and Elliot find out only too late that the ship has sailed for the Antipodes. What will they do? Will they make the dramatic decision to set sail after Rosie and Richard or live a fake unfulfilled life together just to make their families happy?

CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS:

HARRIET WRIGHT
A. Role in the show: Heroine, Lover/daughter
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Adventurer/horse trainer C. Moral Issue: falls in love with her maid
D. Unpredictable: a woman of action, defiant
E. Empathetic: Hard working, loner

Intriguing Layers
A. Hidden Agendas: leaves no stone unturned to find her lover
B. Competition: Hard on herself
C. Conspiracy: with criminal underworld
D. Secrets: lesbian in love with her maid
E. Deception: hides both her love life and criminal activities from her mother
F. Wound: hates her father for abandoning her when a small child
G. Secret Identity: wears a disguise when carrying out crimes for the underworld criminals

Emotional Depth
A. Hope: to find her lover & live a happy life/Fear: her mother will find out she is a lesbian and part time criminal
B. Want: to be happy & successful / Need: the love of Rosie
C. Base Negative Emotion: fearful/ Public Mask: She is in control
D. Weaknesses: lack of belief in herself
E. Triggers: doesn’t like to be threatened (hates cruelty to animals)
F. Coping Mechanism: fights back, lashes out With Criminals: she goes bold.

ELLIOT OTTO EDWARDS
A. Role in the show: reluctant hero/lover/son/brother
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: seeks out his lover/expert swordsman
C. Moral Issue: falls in love with common sailor
D. Unpredictable: He comes to his senses/discovers a backbone
E. Empathetic: he leaves his heritage/wealth behind to find true happiness with Richard

Intriguing Layers
A. Hidden Agendas: His sexuality is a secret, but perhaps he hopes to have a fake marriage but doesn’t know who with yet
B. Competition: competes for fathers’ love?

C. Conspiracy: with Harriet to seek out person who told authorities to raid “Molly House”
D. Secrets: homosexual, comes out to sister
E. Deception He & Harriet fake marriage

F. Wound: Father cruel to him when a child
G. Secret Identity: lives a double life (can be quite feminine (bottom)

Emotional Depth
A. Hope to find Richard/keep his wealthy &inheritance Fear: father will find out
B. Want the love of Richard / Need: love and validation
C. Base Negative Emotion fear/shame/ Public Mask: Proud straight English Gent D. Weaknesses: Alcohol/sex
E. Triggers: father pushes his buttons
F. Coping Mechanism: tends to shut down, hide, cry, seclusion, inaction, gets drunk

ROSIE COTTON
A. Role in the show: Lover/Maid/Sister
B. Unique Purpose gets caught in a crime set up by her sister. She is caught with stolen clothing.
Expertise: happy go lucky/good person
C. Moral Issue: she doesn’t doubt her lesbianism yet hates criminal activities/sister D. Unpredictable: decides to keep child after being raped on-board ship
E. Empathetic: Bad things happen to her, yet she remains a good person

Intriguing Layers
A. Hidden Agendas: She is fairly-open
B. Competition: her sister is the jealous one
C. Conspiracy:
D. Secrets: in love with her mistress
E. Deception: fake boyfriend
F. Wound: left on streets as youngster
G. Secret Identity: She was a Child pick pocket with sister Tilly

Emotional Depth
A. Hope: to live a happy life/ Fear: poverty/unhappy
B. Want: to be liked/ Need: the love of her mistress
C. Base Negative Emotion: unsettled / Public Mask: happy go lucky
D. Weaknesses: low self esteem
E. Triggers: Sisters taunting, stress of going back to having nothing/ losing her job F. Coping Mechanism: Denial, ignore it, pretend it didn’t happen

RICHARD SMITH
A. Role in the show: Common Sailor/Lover
B. Unique Purpose: transported to Australia for “crimes of an unnatural act” Expertise: Cockswain/Helmsman
C. Moral Issue: falls in love with a rich Gentleman
D. Unpredictable: manages to steer ship through storm whilst on voyage/becomes a hero

E. Empathetic: hard life/ decent person

Intriguing Layers
A. Hidden Agendas: his homosexuality
B. Competition: overtly masculine with his mates (a top)
C. Conspiracy:
D. Secrets: his sexuality/gay friends
E. Deception: over compensates his masculinity for being gay. F. Wound: misses his mother as she died when young
G. Secret Identity: Hides his homosexuality

Emotional Depth
A. Hope: good life / Fear: found out for being gay
B. Want to be rich &popular / Need: to be loved
C. Base Negative Emotion: fear. Public Mask: butch bravado D. Weaknesses: Doubting himself/abilities
E. Triggers: doesn’t like to be teased
F. Coping Mechanism: uses his fists, fights back

MINOR CHARACTERS/CHARACTER CIRCLE/RELATIONSHIPS

(I have included an actual graph in my tv pitch bible, which I wasn’t able to copy/past here)

EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS:

Pilot #1 In the Closet

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet’s maid hasn’t turned up from her day off

Journey: Harriet leaves no stone unturned to find her

Challenge/Conflict: Both Harriet & Elliot hide their sexuality from their families

Action/Reaction: Elliot wallows in self-doubt whilst Harriet scours the local town trying to find answers to Rosie’s whereabouts.

Cliff-hanger: FLASHBACKS: Rosie and Tilly’s arrested, Elliot narrowly escapes while his lover is arrest having spent the night in a Molly House.

Episode #2 Secrets Revealed

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet in her search for Rosie comes across Tilly’s association with the criminal underworld.

Journey: Harriet continues to find Rosie
Challenge/Conflict: Harriet and Elliot both introduced to prospective partners.

Action/Reaction: Elliot finally comes out to his younger sister, they both agree to keep it a secret from their father Sir Oswald Edwards.

Episode #3 Fork In the Road

Cliff-hanger: Harriet must perform a crime to gain the trust of the criminal underworld boss. In order to protect her identity she dresses as a man when carrying out crimes.

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet does the crime on behalf of the underworld boss. She must rob one of the crime boss’s competitors and put an end to his corruption.

Journey: Elliot decides to rescue Richard, Harriet gets more involved with the criminal underworld

Challenge/Conflict: Oswald is outrage at his son’s lack of interest in the family bloodline/heritage/estate. Harriet’s mother, Mrs. Wright curious about her daughter’s curious change in behaviour

Action/Reaction: Elliot decides to find his lover

Cliff-hanger: Harriet receives 5 dot tattoo on the back of her hand, a symbol she can be trusted by the criminal underworld. Harriet must break in to the legal records office to find information about Rosie

Episode #4 Trust Your Gut

Hook/Intrigue: Rosie spends her day off with her sister Tilly.

Journey: Rosie and Tilly arrested by local constable and thrown into jail awaiting a trial. Elliot makes careful enquires about the raid on the Molly House.

Challenge/Conflict: Harriet can’t find any details of Rosie’s arrest, too many people on the books.

Action/Reaction: Tilly steels the clothing from a gentleman client and makes a quick escape, handing some of the items to her naive sister

Cliff-hanger: Harriet’s awkward date night where he forces her to give him a quick “hand job”.

Episode #5 Revenge Best Served Cold

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet finds the name of the jail where Rosie and Tilly are being held.

Journey: Harriet makes plans to visit the prison, must make plans for someone to care for her horses/stables

Challenge/Conflict: Elliot’s awkward date night, she gives him a bad blow job in the orangery “a little less teeth”.

Action/Reaction: Harriet plans a highway robbery, is this something the criminal underworld has arranged or is she now going rogue?

Cliff-hanger: Harriet seeks revenge on her prospective future husband (arranged by her doting mother) by robbing him whilst he travels on a highway in his carriage

Episode #6 Popularity Can Be Dangerous

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet keeps both her criminal activities and sexuality from her mother.

Journey: Harriet loves her involvement with the criminal underworld and her popularity is rising within the ranks.

Challenge/Conflict: Elliot’s sister tries to soften the rift between her father and her brother by suggesting that perhaps he is better off being a bachelor. (she is married with a young son and a second child on the way)

Action/Reaction: Elliot tracks down Richards land lady at the Sailors digs and finds out he is awaiting a trial in a ships prison hulk. Murky character eaves drop on the conversation.

Cliff-hanger: Elliot receives a blackmail letter.

Episode #7 Facing the Truth

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet involved in more criminal activities Journey: Harriet misses her lover.

Challenge/Conflict: Elliot fights with his father, he says he is willing to give up his heritage/wealth and that everything should be passed onto his sister and her son.

Action/Reaction: Mrs. Wright very curious as to why her daughter is so determined to find their maid.

Cliff-hanger: Harriet comes out to her mother. Mrs. Wright is furious and starts to throw out her daughters’ belongings at the front door.

Episode #8 Upside Down

Hook/Intrigue: Mrs Wright may be coming ‘round to her daughters’ sexuality.

Journey: Harriet finally arrives at the prison only to find that she is too late. Rosie was carted off to London for her trial only a few days earlier.

Challenge/Conflict: Elliot must find the name of the prison hulk that Richard is being held.

Action/Reaction: Harriet extremely disappointed in missing her lover drowns her sorrows. Chance meeting with Elliot, he takes pity on the drunken Harriet and takes her to his club.

Cliff-hanger: Harriet and Elliot wind up in bed together, but it’s not what you think. The two discover they have common ground and decide to work together to find their lovers.

FIVE SEASONS DESCRIPTIONS:

Season #1

England 1830’s. Harriet Wright a middle-class horse trainer turns bad ass to find the whereabouts of her missing lover. She leaves no stone unturned which leads her to the criminal underworld. To gain the trust of the gangland boss she must partake in crime. Will they give her answers of the whereabouts of her maid? Can she trust them or is she being used? To protect her from the authorities she decides to

disguise herself as a man when partaking in illegal activities. She also must hide both her sexuality and crimes from her doting mother.

When Harriet passes “the test” she is given a tattoo on the back of her right hand, 5 dots placed between her thumb. A “sign” she can be trusted. Elliot Otto Edwards an aristocratic gentleman comes to terms with his true self when his lover is arrested for “crimes of an unnatural act”. He becomes a recluse and hits the bottle not knowing what to do about his circumstances. Eventually he comes out to his sister and finds the courage to rescue his lover. We also see the back story of the lovers, how they met etc. and follow the crime/arrest of Tilly/Rosie and Richard.

Season #2 Crime vs Law

Harriet uses her new-found skills and tracks down the culprit responsible for blackmailing Elliot. He comes to a gruesome end. She also finds the prison where Rosie is being held and the ship hulk where Richard is captive. In the meantime, Richard proposes a marriage of convenience with Harriet.

Harriet is now more popular with the criminal underworld than the main boss, who now plots to exterminate her for good. Will she accept Elliot’s hand in marriage, will the crime boss murder Harriet? Can she survive? We also see how Rosie/Tilly cope with being arrested as well as Richard. Harriet/Elliot turn up to the prison/hulk having just missed their partners being transported to the court house a few days earlier.

Season #3 Prison/Hulks, Old Bailey

Harriet turns the tables and extinguishes the crime boss, she has now earned herself another tattoo to crown her glory. Both Harriet/Elliot attempt to track down their lovers whilst shocking both their families with a sudden announcement of marriage. Harriet has now proved herself as an individual not to be messed with.

We follow Rosie/Tilly and their court case where they are both convicted for 7 years hard labour in Australia (Tilly for robbery of clothing and being in possession of stolen clothing, Rosie for being in possession of stolen clothing. Richards court case, is more serious as death by hanging is the usual punishment for his crime but as he is such a fit/healthy strong young man his life is saved but sentenced to 10 years hard labour in Australia. Harriet/Elliot find themselves once again too late to rescue their lovers as they are already being transported to London Docks ready for transportation.

Season #4 Bound for the Antipodes

Focus now shifts towards the Rosie and Richard as Harriet/Elliot seem to be always one step behind. The ship has already sailed with their lovers on board. During the voyage Rosie/Tilly struggle with their sisterly relationship. Tilly once again comes to the rescue of Rosie, when she decides to have sex with the sailors to save her younger sister from the ordeal. During the voyage Tilly becomes ill and one of the Sailors takes Rosie and forces her have sex with a young seaman (both are virgins).

As Tilly’s health deteriorates Rosie makes amends with Tilly and thanks her for her love and protection ever since they were little street urchins. Tilly dies and her body tipped into the ocean.

Harriet/Elliot must decide what to do next? Are they ready to forsake their comfortable lives to re-unite with their lovers’? Rosie becomes sea sick, or is it something more than that? During the journey, there is a storm at sea, the Captain calls upon Richard to help steer the ship through the storm. Will they survive?

Harriet feels more alive than she ever has with her new gained criminal activities however, she misses the ship on which her lover Rosie has sailed away to Australia. Will she pursue her to the Antipodes or remain bereft for the rest of her life?

Season #5 The New Colonies/Australia

Life in the great open spaces of Australia. Richard now considered a hero, for saving the ship is given a smaller private dwelling rather than being shoved in with the great unwashed in prison. Rosie now heavily pregnant struggles without her sister. Harriet/Elliot decide to travel to the ends of the earth to be with their one true loves, despite conflict from their families. Will they find their lovers alive? How will they find them?

Brief look at the sea voyage of Harriet/Elliot in opposite conditions of their partners. (wealth/first class). Once in Melbourne they first track down Richard. Richard knows of the whereabouts of Rosie and warns them that he heard she was “not well”. They find Rosie with a young baby girl, in the most shocking condition. Elliot hires and architect and draws up plans to house them all. Rosie one day sees the Sailor that forced the young man have sex with her. Harriet takes her revenge out on this low life, kills him and dumps his body into the bay where the sharks do the rest. Criminal underworld from the U.K has transpired in this young city. Harriet/Elliot’s new home is set upon by thieves. Harriet confronts the burglars and upon showing them her “crown” tattoo, the felons apologise and make a hasty retreat.

Elliot suggest that Richard and Rosie marry for them to “properly all live together” under the one roof. Series ends with a second marriage and the four of them moving into a large resplendent home in the new city of Melbourne.

[Brenda Clarke]

RIVETING TITLES

After brainstorming titles, there were some that came up that might be suited to another episode. This at least is a beginning, once the episode descriptions become clearer the titles may also change as I work to make them more intriguing.

EPISODE 1
Conflict “To search but not be found”

Journey “Where Out Thou, My Love”?

Dilemma “Is Honesty the Best Policy?

Issue Faced “In the Closet”

Irony “To Woo or Not to Woo”
Hero’s challenging Situation “To Seek that Which is Yours”
Threat to Hero “Dark Secrets”
Discovery “Not Everyone is Straight”
Metaphor “Love Reflects Love”
EPISODE 2
Conflict “Criminal Underworld”
Journey “Seek and Ye shall find”
Dilemma “Secrets Revealed”
Issue Faced “Can family be Trusted?”
Irony “Match Making Parents”
Hero’s challenging situation “Loss of Love”
Threat to Hero “Mum’s the Word”
Discovery “Back bone”
Metaphor “Trust one’s instincts”
EPISODE 3
Conflict “Nosey Parents”
Journey “Don’t Go There”
Dilemma “Test of Trust”
Issue Faced “Keeping Quiet”
Irony “Sink or Swim” / “Swim With Sharks”
Hero’s challenging Situation “Fork in the Road”
Threat to hero “Parental Pressure”
Discovery “Conviction to Move Forward”
Metaphor “Seek and Ye Shall Find”, “If you Can’t beat ‘em join them” EPISODE 4
Conflict “Sibling Rivalry”
Journey “The Search”
Dilemma “The Opposite Sex”
Issue faced “Keeping Mum Happy”
Irony “Enthusiastic Vs Reluctant”
Hero’s challenging Situation “Hand job”
Threat to Hero
Discovery “Trust your Gut”
Metaphor “Try before you Buy”

EPISODE 5
Conflict “A woman’s wants”
Journey “One Step Behind”
Dilemma
Issue faced “A Woman’s touch”
Irony “flight or fight”
Hero’s challenging Situation “A Step Too Far”
Threat to Hero “To Catch a Thief”
Discovery “No Stopping Now”
Metaphor “Revenge best served cold”
EPISODE 6
Conflict “Two Sides to a Coin”
Journey “Trust no-one”
Dilemma “She won’t want to know”
Issue faced “Best be a Bachelor”
Irony “Does Crime Pay”?
Hero’s challenging Situation
Threat to Hero “Popularity Can Be Dangerous”

Discovery “Loving the Crime”
Metaphor “Mending Bridges”
EPISODE 7
Conflict “Right or Wrong”
Journey “Coming to Terms”
Dilemma “To Lie or Not to Lie”
Issue faced “Doubting Oneself”
Irony “Rich or Poor”
Hero’s challenging Situation “Standing up for yourself”

Threat to Hero “A Fathers’ Wrath”
Discovery “Facing the Truth”
Metaphor “Is Honesty the best Policy”?
EPISODE 8
Conflict “Giving Up
Journey “Upside Down”
Dilemma “Drinking Problems”
Issue faced “Giving Up Hope”
Irony “Faith Vs Hope”
Hero’s challenging Situation “Lover Lost for Good” Threat to Hero “Shattered but not broken”
Discovery “Common Ground”
Metaphor “Friends in unfamiliar places”

[Brenda Clarke]

I have learned that this is an ongoing assignment, to keep developing the tv pitch bible and making it more intriguing. I started off with a few simple changes and need to continually look at this with more depth to really make this a great marketing tool!

I have also made a graph for the circle of characters which I will include in the pitch as well.

TITLE: ANTIPODES GENRE: Historical Drama FORMAT: 1 Hour

CONCEPT: England 1830’s where two LGBTQ people’s stories play out.

A middle-class horse trainer turns into a bad ass to find the whereabouts of her missing lover. Her secret is that she is a closeted lesbian and in love with her maid. She discovers her true grit and leaves no stone unturned as she slowly delves into the criminal underworld to find answers.

A weak aristocratic gentleman comes to terms with his true self when his lover is arrested for “crimes of an unnatural act”. He hides his homosexuality from his overbearing father but discovers his back bone to re-unite with his lover, a common sailor.

WORLD: The divided social structure of 1830’s England from the upper crust of the aristocracy, to hard working middle class society, to the working class and down to the seedy underworld of criminals. Covering the legal journey of convicted criminals from being arrested to jail time/being locked up in a ship hulk, to the court trials at the Old Bailey and being sentenced to several years hard labour. Then facing the trials and tribulations of the lengthy ships voyage whilst being transported. Facing the unknown and arduous life in new colonies of Australia.

SUMMARY: Harriet Wright a middle-class horse trainer wakes one morning to find her maid hasn’t turned up from her day off. She leaves no stone unturned to find her, which leads her to the criminal underworld. To gain the trust of the underworld boss she must partake in crime. Will they give her answers of the whereabouts of her maid Rosie? Can she trust them or is she being used? Harriet becomes a pants wearing law breaker when committing scandalous crimes for the underworld boss. Can she keep her dark secret that Rosie her maid is her lover from her doting mother? Harriet is a woman of action and will go to the ends of the earth to be with her one true love.

Elliot Otto Edwards an aristocratic gentleman narrowly escapes being arrested when he and his lover Richard spend the night in a Molly House. His lover, a common sailor is arrested for “crimes of an unnatural act”. Elliot becomes a recluse and hits the bottle not knowing what to do about his circumstances. Eventually he comes out to his sister and finds the courage to rescue his lover. Will he forfeit his heritage and wealth to be with the love of his life or sacrifice his happiness to fulfil his father’s wishes, to continue the family blood-line?

Both Harriet and Elliot have a chance meeting when in London and discover they have common ground. The two decide to work together to find their lovers and venture into a marriage of convenience, which surprises both their families. Rosie has been arrested along with her sister Tilly for being in possession of stolen clothing and are about to be shipped off to Australia for 7 years hard labour. Richard on the

other hand is held up in a ship hulk prior to his court appearance. He manages to avoid the noose and is sentenced to 10 years hard labour in Australia.

The voyage for all three convicts is perilous with sickness, unwanted pregnancy and sailing through severe storms and death. Their lovers Harriet and Elliot find out only too late that the ship has sailed for the Antipodes. What will they do? Will they make the dramatic decision to set sail after Rosie and Richard or live a fake unfulfilled life together just to make their families happy?

CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS:

HARRIET WRIGHT
A. Role in the show: Heroine, Lover/daughter
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Adventurer/horse trainer C. Moral Issue: falls in love with her maid
D. Unpredictable: a woman of action, defiant
E. Empathetic: Hard working, loner

Intriguing Layers
A. Hidden Agendas: leaves no stone unturned to find her lover
B. Competition: Hard on herself
C. Conspiracy: with criminal underworld
D. Secrets: lesbian in love with her maid
E. Deception: hides both her love life and criminal activities from her mother
F. Wound: hates her father for abandoning her when a small child
G. Secret Identity: wears a disguise when carrying out crimes for the underworld criminals

Emotional Depth
A. Hope: to find her lover & live a happy life/Fear: her mother will find out she is a lesbian and part time criminal
B. Want: to be happy & successful / Need: the love of Rosie
C. Base Negative Emotion: fearful/ Public Mask: She is in control
D. Weaknesses: lack of belief in herself
E. Triggers: doesn’t like to be threatened (hates cruelty to animals)
F. Coping Mechanism: fights back, lashes out With Criminals: she goes bold.

ELLIOT OTTO EDWARDS
A. Role in the show: reluctant hero/lover/son/brother
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: seeks out his lover/expert swordsman
C. Moral Issue: falls in love with common sailor
D. Unpredictable: He comes to his senses/discovers a backbone
E. Empathetic: he leaves his heritage/wealth behind to find true happiness with Richard

Intriguing Layers
A. Hidden Agendas:? His sexuality is a secret, but perhaps he hopes to have a fake marriage but doesn’t know who with yet
B. Competition: competes for fathers love?

C. Conspiracy: with Harriet to seek out person who told authorities to raid “Molly House”
D. Secrets: homosexual, comes out to sister
E. Deception He & Harriet fake marriage

F. Wound: Father cruel to him when a child
G. Secret Identity: lives a double life (can be quite feminine (bottom)

Emotional Depth
A. Hope to find Richard/keep his wealthy &inheritance Fear: father will find out
B. Want the love of Richard / Need: love and validation
C. Base Negative Emotion fear/shame/ Public Mask: Proud straight English Gent D. Weaknesses: Alcohol/sex
E. Triggers: father pushes his buttons
F. Coping Mechanism: tends to shut down, hide, cry, seclusion, inaction, gets drunk

ROSIE COTTON
A. Role in the show: Lover/Maid/Sister
B. Unique Purpose gets caught in a crime set up by her sister. She is caught with stolen clothing.
Expertise: happy go lucky/good person
C. Moral Issue: she doesn’t doubt her lesbianism yet hates criminal activities/sister D. Unpredictable: decides to keep child after being raped on-board ship
E. Empathetic: Bad things happen to her, yet she remains a good person

Intriguing Layers
A. Hidden Agendas:? She is fairly open
B. Competition: her sister is the jealous one
C. Conspiracy:
D. Secrets: in love with her mistress
E. Deception: ”fake boyfriend”
F. Wound: left on streets as youngster
G. Secret Identity: She was a Child pick pocket with sister Tilly

Emotional Depth
A. Hope to live a happy life/ Fear: poverty/unhappy
B. Want to be liked/ Need: the love of her mistress
C. Base Negative Emotion: unsettled / Public Mask: happy go lucky
D. Weaknesses: low self esteem
E. Triggers: Sisters taunting, stress of going back to having nothing/ losing her job F. Coping Mechanism: Denial, ignore it, pretend it didn’t happen

RICHARD SMITH
A. Role in the show: Common Sailor/Lover
B. Unique Purpose: transported to Australia for “crimes of an unnatural act” Expertise: Cockswain/Helmsman
C. Moral Issue: falls in love with a rich Gent
D. Unpredictable: manages to steer ship through storm whilst on voyage/becomes hero

E. Empathetic: hard life/ decent person

Intriguing Layers
A. Hidden Agendas: his homosexuality
B. Competition: overtly masculine with his mates (a top)
C. Conspiracy:?
D. Secrets: his sexuality/gay friends
E. Deception: over compensates his masculinity for being gay. F. Wound: misses his mother as she died when young
G. Secret Identity: Hides his homosexuality?

Emotional Depth
A. Hope good life / Fear: found out for being gay
B. Want to be rich &popular / Need: to be loved
C. Base Negative Emotion fear. Public Mask: butch bravado D. Weaknesses: Doubting himself/abilities
E. Triggers: doesn’t like to be teased
F. Coping Mechanism: uses his fists, fights back

MINOR CHARACTERS/CHARACTER CIRCLE/RELATIONSHIPS

EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS:

Pilot #1

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet’s maid hasn’t turned up from her day off

Journey: Harriet leaves no stone unturned to find her

Challenge/Conflict: Both Harriet & Elliot hide their sexuality from their families

Action/Reaction: Elliot wallows in self doubt whilst Harriet scours the local town trying to find answers to Rosie’s whereabouts.

Cliff-hanger: FLASHBACKS: Rosie and Tily’s arrested, Elliot narrowly escapes while his lover is arrest having spent the night in a Molly House.

Episode #2

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet in her search for Rosie comes across Tily’s association with the criminal underworld.

Journey: Harriet continues to find Rosie
Challenge/Conflict: Harriet and Elliot both introduced to prospective partners.

Action/Reaction: Elliot finally comes out to his younger sister, they both agree to keep it a secret from their father Oswald Edwards.

Episode #3

Cliff-hanger: Harriet must perform a crime in order to gain the trust of the criminal underworld boss.

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet does the crime on behalf of the underworld boss. She must rob one of the crime boss’s competitors and put an end to his corruption.

Journey: Elliot decides to rescue Richard, Harriet gets more involved with the criminal underworld

Challenge/Conflict: Oswald is outrage at his son’s lack of interest in the family bloodline/heritage/estate. Harriet’s mother, Mrs. Wright curious about her daughter’s curious change in behaviour

Action/Reaction: Elliot decides to find his lover

Cliff-hanger: Harriet receives 5 dot tattoo on the back of her hand, a symbol she can be trusted by the criminal underworld. Harriet must break in to the legal records office to find information about Rosie

Episode #4

Hook/Intrigue: Rosie spends her day off with her sister Tilly.

Journey: Rosie and Tilly arrested by local constable and thrown into jail awaiting a trial. Elliot makes careful enquires about the raid on the Molly House.

Challenge/Conflict: Harriet can’t find any details of Rosie’s arrest, too many people on the books.

Action/Reaction: Tilly steels the clothing from a gentleman client and makes a quick escape, handing some of the items to her naive sister

Cliff-hanger: Harriet’s awkward date night where he forces her to give him a quick “hand job”.

Episode #5

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet finds the name of the jail where Rosie and Tily are being held.

Journey: Harriet makes plans to visit the prison, must make plans for someone to care for her horses/stables

Challenge/Conflict: Elliot’s awkward date night, she gives him a bad blow job in the orangery “a little less teeth”.

Action/Reaction: Harriet plans a highway robbery, is this something the criminal underworld has arranged or is she now going rogue?

Cliff-hanger: Harriet seeks revenge on her prospective future husband (arranged by her doting mother) by robbing him whilst he travels on a highway in his carriage

Episode #6

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet keeps both her criminal activities and sexuality from her mother.

Journey: Harriet loves her involvement with the criminal underworld and her popularity is rising within the ranks.

Challenge/Conflict: Elliot’s sister tries to soften the rift between her father and her brother by suggesting that perhaps he is better off being a bachelor. (she is married with a young son and a second child on the way)

Action/Reaction: Elliot tracks down Richards land lady at the Sailors digs and finds out he is awaiting a trial in a ships prison hulk. Murky character eaves drop on the conversation.

Cliff-hanger: Elliot receives a blackmail letter.

Episode #7

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet involved in more criminal activities Journey: Harriet misses her lover.

Challenge/Conflict: Elliot fights with his father, he says he is willing to give up his heritage/wealth and that everything should be passed onto his sister and her son.

Action/Reaction: Mrs. Wright very curious as to why her daughter is so determined to find their maid.

Cliff-hanger: Harriet comes out to her mother. Mrs. Wright is furious and starts to throw out her daughters’ belongings at the front door.

Episode #8

Hook/Intrigue: Mrs Wright may be coming ‘round to her daughters sexuality.

Journey: Harriet finally arrives at the prison only to find that she is too late. Rosie was carted off to London for her trial only a few days earlier.

Challenge/Conflict: Elliot must find the name of the prison hulk that Richard is being held.

Action/Reaction: Harriet extremely disappointed in missing her lover drowns her sorrows. Chance meeting with Elliot, he takes pity on the drunken Harriet and takes her to his club.

Cliff-hanger: Harriet and Elliot wind up in bed together, but it’s not what you think. The two discover they have common ground and decide to work together to find their lovers.

FIVE SEASONS DESCRIPTIONS: Season #1

England 1830’s. Harriet Wright a middle-class horse trainer turns bad ass in order to find the whereabouts of her missing lover. She leaves no stone unturned which leads her to the criminal underworld. To gain the trust of the criminal underworld boss she must partake in crime. Will they give her answers of the whereabouts of her maid? Can she trust them or is she being used? To protect her from the authorities she decides to dress as a man when working with the criminal underworld boss. She also has to hide both her sexuality and crimes from her doting mother.

When Harriet passes “the test” she is given a tattoo on the back of her right hand, 5 dots placed between her thumb. A “sign” she can be trusted. Elliot Otto Edwards an aristocratic gentleman comes to terms with his true self when his lover is arrested for “crimes of an unnatural act”. He becomes a recluse and hits the bottle not knowing what to do about his circumstances. Eventually he comes out to his sister and finds the courage to rescue his lover. We also see the back story of the lovers, how they met etc. and follow the crime/arrest of Tilly/Rosie and Richard.

Season #2 Crime vs Law

Harriet uses her new-found skills and tracks down the culprit responsible for blackmailing Elliot. He comes to a gruesome end. She also finds the prison where Rosie is being held and the ship hulk where Richard is captive. In the meantime, Richard proposes a marriage of convenience with Harriet.

Harriet is now more popular with the criminal underworld than the main boss, who now plots to exterminate her for good. Will she accept Elliot’s hand in marriage, will the crime boss murder Harriet? Can she survive? We also see how Rosie/Tily cope with being arrested as well as Richard. Harriet/Elliot turn up to the prison/hulk having just missed their partners being transported to the court house a few days earlier.

Season #3 Prison/Hulks, Old Bailey

Harriet turns the tables and extinguishes the crime boss, she has now earned herself another tattoo to crown her glory. Both Harriet/Elliot attempt to track down their

lovers whilst shocking both their family’s with an announcement of marriage. Harriet has now proved herself as an individual not to be messed with.

We follow Rosie/Tily and their court case where they are both convicted for 7 years hard labour in Australia (Tily for robbery of clothing and being in possession of stolen clothing, Rosie for being in possession of stolen clothing. Richards court case, is more serious as death by hanging is the usual punishment for his crime but as he is such a fit/healthy strong young man his life is saved but sentenced to 10 yrs hard labour in Australia. Harriet/Elliot find themselves once again too late to rescue their lovers as they are already being transported to London Docks ready for transportation.

Season #4 Bound for the Antipodes

Focus has now shifted towards the lovers and Harriet/Elliot seem to be always one step behind. The ship has already sailed with their lovers on board. During the voyage Rosie/Tilly struggle with their sisterly relationship. Tilly once again comes to the rescue of Rosie when she decides to have sex with the sailors in order to save her younger sister. During the voyage Tilly becomes ill and one of the Sailors takes Rosie and makes her have sex with a young seaman (both are virgins). As Tilly’s health deteriorates Rosie makes amends with Tilly and thanks her for her love and protection ever since they were little street urchins. Tilly dies and her body tipped into the ocean.

Harriet/Elliot must decide what to do next? Are they ready to forsake their comfortable lives in order to re-unite with their lovers. Rosie becomes sea sick, or is it something more than that? During the journey there is a storm at sea, the Captain calls upon Richard to help steer the ship through the storm. Will they make it through?

Harriet feels more alive than she ever has with her new gained criminal activities however she misses the ship on which her lover Rosie has sailed away to Australia. Will she pursue her to the Antipodes or remain bereft for the rest of her life?

Season#5 The New Colonies/Australia

Life in the great open spaces of Australia. Richard now considered a hero, for saving the ship is given a smaller private dwelling rather than being shoved in with the great unwashed in prison. Rosie now heavily pregnant struggles without her sister. Harriet/Elliot decide to travel to the ends of the earth to be with their one true loves, despite conflict from their family’s. Will they find their lovers alive? How will they find them?

Brief look at the sea voyage of Harriet/Elliot in opposite conditions of their partners. (wealth/first class). Once in Melbourne they first track down Richard. Richard knows of the whereabouts of Rosie and warns them that he heard she was “not well”. They find Rosie with a young baby girl, in the most shocking condition. Elliot hires and architect and draws up plans to house them all. Rosie one day sees the Sailor that

made the young man have sex with her, Harriet takes her revenge out on him, kills him and dumps his body into the river. Criminal underworld from the U.K has transpired in this young city. Harriot/Elliot’s new home is set upon by thieves. Harriot confronts the burglars and upon showing them her “crown” tattoo, the felons apologise and make a hasty retreat.

Elliot suggest that Richard and Rosie marry for them to “properly all live together” under the one roof. Series ends with a second marriage and the four of them moving into a large resplendent home in the new city of Melbourne.

[Brenda Clarke]

Lesson 8 Writing with Intrigue

This exercise could easily be done on every sentence in the tv pitch bible. My sentence now has much more PUNCH!

ANTIPODES: SENTENCE I WORKED ON FROM MY SUMMARY:

To protect her from the authorities she decides to dress as a man when working with the criminal underworld boss.

NOW BECOMES:

Harriet becomes a pants wearing law breaker when committing scandalous crimes for the underworld boss.

A: SOMETHING SHOCKING. From a mild country woman who trains horses to a cross dressing felon who works for the criminal underworld boss.

B. STRONG STATEMENT: For her own protection, Harriet decides to dress as a man when working with the criminal underworld boss.

C. QUESTION: Can Harriet keep her identity a secret whilst she covertly works for the criminal underworld boss? How will she accomplish this?

D. CHARACTER 1: Harriet is worried that the criminal underworld boss is losing his grip as her popularity rises amongst the ranks.

E. WRONG: Harriet disguised as a man enjoys her lawless behaviour when working for the criminal underworld.

F. PATTERN-CONSEQUENCES: Harriet has fooled the authorities as they are now searching for a male criminal, but can she keep it up?

G. HE DOES/MEANS THAT: Harriet chooses to be disguised as a man when carrying out illegal activities for the criminal underworld boss. Does this mean she will never be caught?

H. MYSTERY: Harriet disguises herself as a man when working as a lawbreaker for the criminal underworld boss.

I. SHOULD/COULD BE/WORSE: Now that Harriet dresses as a man when committing crimes, the underworld boss realises she is rising in popularity amongst the ranks and will put an end to her activities – permanently.

J. INTENSE LANGUAGE: Harriet becomes a pants wearing law breaker when committing scandalous crimes for the underworld boss.

[Brenda Clarke]

So to get started, I actually opened a new word document and started copying and pasting from our assignments to make a first rough draft of the TV Pitch Bible. I then went about trying to implement this “investigate” section and merely scratched the surface. I need to spend more time on this to make further improvements.

QUESTION: For the Character Descriptions do you write out a summary for each?

OR

list traits etc as per our BW Framework (in point form)?

I noticed that others have listed a/b/c/d/e etc for the Season descriptions, I did the same, however, should this be written in paragraphs?

Also EPISODES: I listed them under the headings: Hook/Intrigue,

Journey, Challenge/Conflict, Action/Reaction, Cliff-hanger. Should this also be written in paragraphs?

[Brenda Clarke]

LESSON 6 Writing Opening Summary

I started out writing for a Pilot as Inciting Incident and felt it wasn’t grabbing me so then switched to B: Highlights of The Entire Season. Even though this is a first rough draft I feel it has more potential to HOOK the reader. (fingers crossed)

ANTIPODES 1 hr episode Historical/Drama

England 1830’s. Harriet Wright a middle-class horse trainer wakes one morning to find her maid hasn’t turned up from her day off. She leaves no stone unturned to find her, which leads her to the criminal underworld. To gain the trust of the underworld boss she must partake in crime. Will they give her answers of the whereabouts of her maid Rosie? Can she trust them or is she being used? To protect her from the authorities she decides to dress as a man when working with the criminal underworld boss. Can she keep her dark secret that Rosie her maid is her lover from her doting mother? Harriet is a woman of action and will go to the ends of the earth to be with her one true love.

Elliot Otto Edwards an aristocratic gentleman narrowly escapes being arrested when he and his lover Richard spend the night in a Molly House. His lover, a common sailor is arrested for “crimes of an unnatural act”. Elliot becomes a recluse and hits the bottle not knowing what to do about his circumstances. Eventually he comes out to his sister and finds the courage to rescue his lover. Will he forfeit his heritage and wealth to be with the love of his life or sacrifice his happiness to fulfil his father’s wishes, to continue the family blood-line.

Both Harriet and Elliot have a chance meeting when in London and discover they have common ground. The two decide to work together to find their lovers and venture into a marriage of convenience, which surprises both their families. Rosie has been arrested along with her sister Tily for being in possession of stolen clothing and are about to be shipped off to Australia for 7 years hard labour. Richard on the other hand is held up in a ship hulk prior to his court appearance. He manages to avoid the noose and is sentenced to 10 years hard labour in Australia.

The voyage for all three convicts is perilous with sickness, unwanted pregnancy and sailing through severe storms and death. Their lovers Harriet and Elliot find out only too late that the ship has sailed for the Antipodes. What will they do? Will they make the dramatic decision to set sail after Rosie and Richard or live a fake unfulfilled life together just to make their families happy?

[Brenda Clarke]

Going through these stages helps arrange/organise the sequence of events within each episode, something that I didn’t have quite right at the beginning. It adds to greater clarity.

Pilot #1

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet’s maid hasn’t turned up from her day off

Journey: Harriet leaves no stone unturned to find her

Challenge/Conflict: Both Harriet & Elliot hide their sexuality from their families

Action/Reaction: Elliot wallows in self doubt whilst Harriet scours the local town trying to find answers to Rosie

Cliff-hanger: FLASHBACKS: Rosie and Tily’s arrested, Elliot narrowly escapes while his lover is arrest having spent the night in a Molly House.

DESCRIPTION

Follow two major characters, Harriet determined to find out why her maid hasn’t turned up from her day off. She leaves no stone unturned to find her. Elliot locks himself in his room and hits the bottle he’s unsure what to do about nearly being arrested.

Both Harriet and Elliot hide their sexuality from their families, Flashback: reveals Rosie the maid is in actual fact Harriet’s Lover. Rosie and Tily being arrested by local Police and the early morning raid of the Molly House where Richard helps Elliot escape but gets caught.

Episode #2

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet in her search for Rosie comes across Tily’s association with the criminal underworld.

Journey: Harriet continues to find Rosie
Challenge/Conflict: Harriet and Elliot both introduced to prospective partners.

Action/Reaction: Elliot finally comes out to his younger sister, they both agree to keep it a secret from their father Oswald Edwards.

Cliff-hanger: Harriet must perform a crime in order to gain the trust of the criminal underworld boss.

DESCRIPTION

In Harriet’s search for Rosie she finds out that her maids sister Tily, has criminal underworld connections. Both Harriet and Elliot meet their “suitable prospects” chosen by their match making families.

Elliot finally comes out to his sister, they both agree to keep it a secret from their father Sir Oswald Edwards. Harriet must perform a crime in order to gain the trust of the criminal underworld boss, before he hands over any information regarding Tily.

Episode #3

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet does the crime on behalf of the underworld boss. She must rob one of the crime boss’s competitors and put an end to his corruption.

Journey: Elliot decides to rescue Richard, Harriet gets more involved with the criminal underworld

Challenge/Conflict: Oswald is outrage at his son’s lack of interest in the family bloodline/heritage/estate. Harriet’s mother, Mrs. Wright curious about her daughter’s curious change in behaviour

Action/Reaction: Elliot decides to find his lover

Cliff-hanger: Harriet receives 5 dot tattoo on the back of her hand, a symbol she can be trusted by the criminal underworld. Harriet must break in to the legal records office to find information about Rosie

DESCRIPTION

Harriet must rob one of the crime boss’s competitors and put an end to his corruption. Elliot comes to his senses and decides to find his lover.

Elliot’s father is outraged at his son’s lack of interest in the family bloodline/heritage/estate/. Mrs Wright is curious about her daughter’s change in behaviour. Harriet receives 5 dot tattoo on the back of her hand as a symbol she can be trusted by the criminal underworld. Harriet must break into the legal records office to find information about Rosie.

Episode #4

Hook/Intrigue: Rosie spends her day off with her sister Tily.

Journey: Rosie and Tily arrested by local constable and thrown into jail awaiting a trial. Elliot makes careful enquires about the raid on the Molly House.

Challenge/Conflict: Harriet can’t find any details of Rosie’s arrest, too many people on the books.

Action/Reaction: Tilly steels the clothing from a gentleman client and makes a quick escape, handing some of the items to her naive sister

Cliff-hanger: Harriet’s awkward date night where he forces her to give him a quick “hand job”.

DESCRIPTION

FLASHBACK: to Rosie’s day off with her sister Tily. Tily steals the clothing of a gentleman client and makes a quick dash hands some of his items to her naïve sister. The two are arrested by a local constable and thrown into jail awaiting a trial.

Harriet struggles to find any leads about Rosie’s arrest due to the vast amount of people written up in the books. Elliot makes careful enquiries about the raid at the Molly House. Harriet has an awkward date night where he forces her to give him a quick “hand job”. Something he will later regret, seeing the irksome expression on Harriet’s face.

Episode #5

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet finds the name of the jail where Rosie and Tily are being held.

Journey: Harriet makes plans to visit the prison, must make plans for someone to care for her horses/stables

Challenge/Conflict: Elliot’s awkward date night, she gives him a bad blow job in the orangery “a little less teeth”.

Action/Reaction: Harriet plans a highway robbery, is this something the criminal underworld has arranged or is she now going rogue?

Cliff-hanger: Harriet seeks revenge on her prospective future husband (arranged by her doting mother) by robbing him whilst he travels on a highway in his carriage

DESCRIPTION

Harriet finds the name of the prison where Rosie and Tily are being held and now must make plans to get there. In the meantime she must arrange for someone to take care of her horses whilst she goes to Bristol.

Elliot has an awkward date night where the young woman gives him a bad blow job in the orangery “a little less teeth”. Harriet plans a highway robbery, is this something the criminal underworld has arranged or is she now going rogue?

Harriet gets revenge on her prospective husband by robbing him whilst he travels on a highway in his carriage. Will she kill him or set him free?

Episode #6

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet keeps both her criminal activities and sexuality from her mother.

Journey: Harriet loves her involvement with the criminal underworld and her popularity is rising within the ranks.

Challenge/Conflict: Elliot’s sister tries to soften the rift between her father and her brother by suggesting that perhaps he is better off being a bachelor. (she is married with a young son and a second child on the way)

Action/Reaction: Elliot tracks down Richards land lady at the Sailors digs and finds out he is awaiting a trial in a ships prison hulk. Murky character eaves drops on the conversation.

Cliff-hanger: Elliot receives a letter where he is being blackmailed.

DESCRIPTION

Harriet keeps both her criminal activities and sexuality from her inquisitive mother. She loves her involvement with the criminal underworld and her popularity is rising within the ranks, which rubs the boss the wrong way.

Elliot’s sister tries to soften the rift between her father and her brother by suggesting that perhaps he is better off being a bachelor (she is married and with a young son/second child on the way). He tracks down Richards landlady at the Sailors digs and finds out he is being held captive in one of the many prion hulks in Bristol. Elliot receives a blackmail letter.

Episode #7

Hook/Intrigue: Harriet involved in more criminal activities Journey: Harriet misses her lover.

Challenge/Conflict: Elliot fights with his father, he says he is willing to give up his heritage/wealth and that everything should be passed onto his sister and her son.

Action/Reaction: Mrs. Wright very curious as to why her daughter is so determined to find their maid.

Cliff-hanger: Harriet comes out to her mother. Mrs. Wright is furious and starts to throw out her daughters’ belongings at the front door.

DESCRIPTION

Harriet gets involved in more criminal activities all the while missing her lover. Elliot fights with his father saying he is willing to give up his heritage/wealth and that everything should be passed onto his sister and her son.

Mrs Wright is very curious as to why her daughter is so determined to travel to Bristol to find their maid. Harriet comes out to her mother. Mrs Wright is furious and starts to throw out her daughters’ belongings at the front door.

Episode #8

Hook/Intrigue: Mrs Wright may be coming round to her daughters sexuality.

Journey: Harriet finally arrives at the prison only to find that she is too late. Rosie was carted off to London for her trial only a few days earlier.

Challenge/Conflict: Elliot must find the name of the prison hulk that Richard is being held.

Action/Reaction: Harriet extremely disappointed in missing her lover drowns her sorrows. Chance meeting with Elliot, he takes pity on the drunken Harriet and takes her to his club.

Cliff-hanger: Harriet and Elliot wind up in bed together, but it’s not what you think. The two discover they have common ground and decide to work together to find their lovers.

DESCRIPTION

Mrs. Wright may be coming round to her daughters sexuality. Harriet finally arrives at the prison only to find that she is too late. Rosie was carted off to the Old Bailey in London for her trial only a few days earlier.

Elliot must find the name of the prison hulk that Richard is being held and journey’s off to Bristol. Harriet extremely disappointed in missing her lover drowns her sorrows. Chance meeting with Elliot at the pub, he takes pity on the drunken Harriet and takes her to his club. They wind up in bed together, but it’s not what you think. The two discover they have common ground and decide to work together to find their lovers.

[Brenda Clarke]

Lesson 4 Generating Episodes

I realise that I am only scratching the surface but at least the process has commenced and can only get better as I dig deeper for more intrigue and layers.

List main events in bullet points

SEASON ONE:

Pilot:

Harriet finds her maid has suddenly gone missing

Elliot narrowly avoids being arrested whilst his lover is captured

Harriet leaves no stone unturned to find her lover

Both parents arrange for suitable spouses for their children, despite their

protests.

Both Harriet and Elliot hide their sexuality from their respective families.

Episode 2.

Harriet must perform a crime in order for the criminal underworld boss to trust her.

Elliot/Harriet both go on dates with opposite sex

Elliot depressed has been drinking/he comes out to his sister

Episode 3.

Oswald Edwards disgrace at his son’s lack of interest in the future bloodline/estate.

Harriet receives a 5 dot tattoo from criminal underworld, showing she can be trusted

Elliot with new found courage begins his search for his lover

Episode 4.

Rosie spends the day with her older sister Tily on her one day off in the week

Tily steals clothing from a gentleman client and on the run hands some items

to her sister Rosie

Rosie/Tilly Arrested, both sent to prison awaiting their trial.

Harriet’s awkward date night where he forces her to give him a hand job.

Episode 5.

Harriet follows information from the criminal underworld which leads to the discovery of Tily/Rosie’s arrest. Now to find them.

Harriet seeks revenge on her prospective future husband (arranged by her doting mother) by robbing him on whilst he travels on a highway in his carriage

Elliot’s awkward date night where she gives him a very bad blow job in orangery “a little less teeth”.

Episode 6.

Harriet keeps both her criminal activities and sexuality from her mother. She loves what she is doing. Her popularity is rising within the ranks.

Elliot tracks down Richards land lady at the Sailors digs

Elliot’s sister tries to soften the rift between her father and her brother, by

suggesting that perhaps he is better off being a bachelor.

Episode 7.

More criminal activities for Harriet

Elliot fights with his father, he says he is willing to give up his heritage and

that everything should be passed onto his younger sister and her son

Mrs Wright is very curious as to why her daughter is so determined to find

their maid.

Episode 8.

Harriet finally arrives at the Prison only to find that she is too late, Rosie was carted off to London to the Old Bailey ready for her trial.

Harriet torn with grief at missing her lover only by a few days goes to the nearest pub and gets drunk

Elliot/Harriet chance meeting in pub, Harriet extremely drunk Elliot takes pity on her & takes her to his club where they spend the night

Harriet & Elliot discover they have common ground and decide to work together to find their lovers.

[Brenda Clarke]

Lesson 3. Easy Way to 5 Seasons:

I tried to jump straight to the outlining and was messing up something terrible. So, I got a scrap piece of paper and began BRAINSTORMING, knowing how I wanted my story to end I decided to go with the framework of working BACKWARDS from the end to the start! I have tried not to go for the perfection mode but rather put some ideas down on paper as the more I work on this the better it will become. Early Days!

What I learned is “don’t skip steps” just “trust & follow the process”!

Season 1: England 1830’s. Two parallel stories play out of a gay man and lesbian: a middle-class horse trainer turns bad ass in order to find the whereabouts of her missing lover – her maid! An aristocratic gentleman comes to terms with his true self when his lover, a common sailor is arrested when they spent the night at a “Molly” house and is sentenced for “Acts of an unnatural nature”.

Season 1: (Where Art Thou My Love?)

High Concept or major hook of the season. England 1830’s. Two parallel stories play out of a gay man and lesbian woman when suddenly they are torn apart from their lovers

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Both hide their sexuality from their respective family/friends, despite their parents setting them up with respectable partners.

C. Main Conflict: proving herself to the criminal underworld whilst hiding her sexuality from her mother. He eventually confides in his sister and “comes out” which now gives him the courage to find his lover, a common sailor.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: will she get caught by the police, will someone from the criminal underworld dob her in? Can she hide her lesbian relationship with her maid? Elliot is being blackmailed by a stranger and doesn’t know where to turn.

E. Cliff hanger: Harriet and Elliot have a chance meeting at the Old Bailey and when they discover they have things in common their luck changes for the better.

DRAFT:

England 1830’s. Harriet Wright a middle-class horse trainer turns bad ass in order to find the whereabouts of her missing lover. She leaves no stone unturned which leads her to the criminal underworld. To gain the trust of the criminal underworld boss she must partake in crime. Will they give her answers of the whereabouts of her maid? Can she trust them or is she being used? To protect her from the authorities she decides to dress as a man when working with the criminal underworld boss. She also has to hide both her sexuality and crimes from her doting mother.

When Harriet passes “the test” she is given a tattoo on the back of her right hand, 5 dots placed between her thumb. A “sign” she can be trusted. Elliot Otto Edwards an aristocratic gentleman comes to terms with his true self when his lover is arrested for “crimes of an unnatural act”. He becomes a recluse and hits the bottle not knowing

what to do about his circumstances. Eventually he comes out to his sister and finds the courage to rescue his lover. We also see the back story of the lovers, how they met etc. and follow the crime/arrest of Tilly/Rosie and Richard.

Season 2: Crime vs Law

A. High Concept hook: Harriet assists Elliot in finding the culprit responsible for the blackmail

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Through Harriet’s new found allegiance with the criminal underworld she tracks down the prison where Rosie is being held as well as the ship hulk where Richard is held.

C. Main Conflict: Harriet is now more popular with the criminal underworld than the big boss, he plots to get rid of her.

D. Mystery/Open Loops:Elliot suggests he and Harriet wed

E. Cliff Hanger: will Harriet accept Elliot’s hand in marriage, will the crime boss have Harriet murdered? Can she survive?

DRAFT:

Harriet uses her new-found skills and tracks down the culprit responsible for blackmailing Elliot. He comes to a gruesome end. She also finds the prison where Rosie is being held and the ship hulk where Richard is captive. In the meantime, Richard proposes a marriage of convenience with Harriet.

Harriet is now more popular with the criminal underworld than the main boss, who now plots to exterminate her for good. Will she accept Elliot’s hand in marriage, will the crime boss murder Harriet? Can she survive? We also see how Rosie/Tily cope with being arrested as well as Richard. Harriet/Elliot turn up to the prison/hulk having just missed their partners being transported to the court house a few days earlier.

Season 3: Prison/Hulks & The Old Bailey

A. High Concept major hook: Harriet survives the death threat and turns on the crime boss who she now must eradicate in order to survive.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Harriet/Elliot continue to track down their lovers. Harriet follows the leads, from the lists of criminals from the Old Bailey to the prisons where the criminals are being held.

C. Main Conflict: Both family’s are shocked at the announcement of their marriage. Harriet takes over as head of the criminal underworld, a second tatoo is now applied indicating she is the new boss and not to be messed with.

D. Mystery/Open Loops:?

E. Cliff Hanger: Old Bailey both Rosie/Tily convicted of their crimes and sentenced to 7 years hard labour in Australia. Richards case is more serious as death by hanging is the usual punishment for his crime but as he is such a fit/healthy strong young man he is sentenced to 10 yrs hard labour in Australia. Both Harriet/Elliot miss the court cases and their two lovers have already been carted off to London docks ready for transportation.

DRAFT:

Harriet turns the tables and extinguishes the crime boss, she has now earned herself another tattoo to crown her glory. Both Harriet/Elliot attempt to track down their lovers whilst shocking both their family’s with an announcement of marriage. Harriet has now proved herself as an individual not to be messed with.

We follow Rosie/Tily and their court case where they are both convicted for 7 years hard labour in Australia (Tily for robbery of clothing and being in possession of stolen clothing, Rosie for being in possession of stolen clothing. Richards court case, is more serious as death by hanging is the usual punishment for his crime but as he is such a fit/healthy strong young man his life is saved but sentenced to 10 yrs hard labour in Australia. Harriet/Elliot find themselves once again too late to rescue their lovers as they are already being transported to London Docks ready for transportation.

Season 4: Bound for the Antipodes

A. High Concept or major hook of the season. Focus more on Rosie/Tily & Richard. Harriet/Elliot find the name of the ship that has already set sail with their lovers on board.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Life on board the ship/journey to Antipodes

C. Main Conflict: Rosie/Tily fight. Tily has sex with sailors in order to save her

sister. Tily becomes ill and so one of Sailors takes Rosie and makes her have sex with a young seaman (virgin). As Tily’s health deteriorates Rosie makes up to her and thanks her for her love and protection ever since they were little street urchins. Tily dies and her body tipped into the ocean.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: What will Harriet/Elliot do next? Are they ready to forsake their comfortable lives in order to re-unite with their lovers? Rosie becomes sea sick, or is it something more than that?

E. Cliff hanger: Storm at sea, captain calls upon Richard to help steer the ship through the storm. Will they make it through?

DRAFT:

Focus has now shifted towards the lovers and Harriet/Elliot seem to be always one step behind. The ship has already sailed with their lovers on board. During the voyage Rosie/Tily struggle with their sisterly relationship. Tily once again comes to the rescue of Rosie when she decides to have sex with the sailors in order to save her younger sister. During the voyage Tily becomes ill and one of the Sailors takes Rosie and makes her have sex with a young seaman (both are virgins). As Tily’s health deteriorates Rosie makes amends with Tily and thanks her for her love and protection ever since they were little street urchins. Tily dies and her body tipped into the ocean.

Harriet/Elliot must decide what to do next? Are they ready to forsake their comfortable lives in order to re-unite with their lovers. Rosie becomes sea sick, or is it something more than that? During the journey there is a storm at sea, the Captain

calls upon Richard to help steer the ship through the storm. Will they make it through?

She feels more alive than she ever has with her new gained criminal activities however she misses the ship on which her lover Rosie has sailed away to Australia. Will she pursue her to the Antipodes or remain bereft for the rest of her life?

Season 5: Australia

High Concept or major hook of the season. Life in the Colonies/prison

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Richard now considered a hero, given a smaller

private dwelling rather than being shoved in with the great unwashed in

Prison. Rosie struggling without her sister.

C. Main Conflict: Harriet/Elliot decide to travel to the ends of the earth to be

with their one true loves, despite conflict from their family’s.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: Will Harriet/Elliot re-unite with Rose/Richard. Will

Rosie keep the baby?

E. Cliff hanger: Harriet/Elliot now in Melbourne track down Richard, Richard

knows of the whereabouts of Rosie and warns them that he heard she was not well.

DRAFT:

Life in the great open spaces of Australia. Richard now considered a hero, for saving the ship is given a smaller private dwelling rather than being shoved in with the great unwashed in prison. Rosie now heavily pregnant struggles without her sister. Harriet/Elliot decide to travel to the ends of the earth to be with their one true loves, despite conflict from their family’s. Will they find their lovers alive? How will they find them?

Brief look at the sea voyage of Harriet/Elliot in opposite conditions of their partners. (wealth/first class). Once in Melbourne they first track down Richard. Richard knows of the whereabouts of Rosie and warns them that he heard she was “not well”. They find Rosie with a young baby girl, in the most shocking condition. Elliot hires and architect and draws up plans to house them all. Rosie one day sees the Sailor that made the young man have sex with her, Harriet takes her revenge out on him, kills him and dumps his body into the river. Elliot suggest that Richard and Rosie marry in order for them to “properly all live together” under the one roof. Series ends with a second marriage and the four of them moving into a large resplendent home in the new city of Melbourne.

[Brenda Clarke]

I am starting to gain a better understanding of my characters doing this exercise and gradually with each new exercise, will bring them to life.

LESSON 2. CHARACTER DESCRIPTION.

HARRIET WRIGHT

Role in the show a middle-class horse trainer turns bad ass in order to find the whereabouts of her missing lover

Noteworthy traits passionate, driven, animal lover
Intrigue? Mystery? She has become a successful businesswoman in a man’s

world. She is in love with her maid. Wears a man’s disguise when involved in crime.

How do they support or drive the conflict with others? Willing to commit crimes in order to gain the trust of the criminal underworld, who may give her answers to her missing lover. She gets herself into dangerous situations, all the while trying to keep her secrets from her doting mother.

Irony – Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character appears to be a good hard working woman yet gets involved with the criminal underworld

Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters she dislikes cruelty to animals and yet would beat a man if he beat his horse.

Unpredictable? A woman of action, defiant. She fights back, lashes out.

Intriguing relationship with one or more characters. Has fallen in love with her maid Rosie. Her doting mother Mrs Wright, wants to set her daughter up with a wealthy husband. With the Criminal Under-world she goes bold. She eventually meets Elliot Edwards.

START: A middle class horse trainer, turns into a bad ass in order to find the whereabouts of her missing lover – she leaves no stone unturned.

MIDDLE: A passionate and driven person willing to commit crimes to gain the trust of the criminal underworld, who may have some information as to the whereabouts of her maid. Conflict, Intrigue and anger issues.

ENDING: often gets into dangerous situations and is prepared to go down paths she never dreamed of taking.

EDIT VERSION:

A middle-class horse trainer discovers her lover has suddenly gone missing and leaves no stone unturned to find the answers. She must participate in criminal activities in order to be trusted by the underworld boss to gain their trust and in return they may supply information as to the whereabouts of her maid.

Not only does she hide her sexuality from her doting mother but dresses as a man when carrying out the crimes for the underworld boss. She tends to be quick tempered and lashes out when her back is against the wall. She’ll take risks and is prepared to go down paths she never dreamed of taking in the pursuit of uniting with Rosie – even if it means sailing to the opposite side of the world to the new colonies of Australia.

ELLIOT OTTO EDWARDS

Role in the show an aristocratic gentleman comes to terms with his true self when his lover is arrested for “crimes of an unnatural act”

Noteworthy traits flamboyant, self-centred, expert swordsman

Intrigue? Mystery? He has fallen in love with a common sailor and keeps his homosexuality hidden from his overbearing father but eventually comes out to his younger sister.

How do they support or drive the conflict with others? He desperately wants to save his lover and somehow build a life together

Irony – Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character he has the money and means to make things happen but when it comes to rescuing his lover he’s becomes a recluse and hits the bottle.

Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters He appears to be a wealthy gentleman with the world at his fingertips yet is quite feminine and doubts his right to be happy.

Unpredictable? Despite his spoilt and cloistered up-bringing he grows a backbone and makes the decision to rescue his lover, leaving his wealth and heritage behind. He seeks out the villain who is blackmailing him and put a stop to the harassment.

Intriguing relationship with one or more characters. He falls deeply in love with a common sailor and despite his father’s persistence to marry and produce an heir he ventures on a quest to reunite with Richard. He has a chance meeting with Harriet and as the two discover their common ground they decide to have a “fake marriage”.

START: an aristocratic gentleman comes to terms with his true self when his lover is arrested for “crimes of an unnatural act”. He becomes a recluse and hits the bottle not knowing what to do about his circumstance.

MIDDLE: He eventually comes out to his sister and decides to rescue the love of his life Richard, a common sailor. A chance meeting with Harriet and her similar circumstances provide them with the opportunity of having a fake marriage.

ENDING: In doing so he leaves behind his wealth and heritage to pursue a life of love and happiness even if it means sailing to the Antipodes.

EDIT VERSION:

An aristocratic gentleman comes to terms with his true self when his lover is arrested for “crimes of an unnatural act”. He becomes a recluse and hits the bottle not knowing what to do about his circumstances. He eventually comes out to his younger sister and decides to rescue the love of his life Richard, a common sailor.

His overbearing father wants him to marry and produce an heir but this completely goes against his grain. However, a chance meeting with Harriet at the Old Bailey, he realises they have similar circumstances which provide them with the opportunity of a fake marriage. Under the guise of newly-weds they head off to the Antipodes as free settlers giving up his heritage and wealth in the hopes of re-uniting with lover.

ROSIE COTTON

Role in the show an ordinary maid gets entangled in her sister’s crime when she is arrested for being in possession of stolen clothing. She is whisked off to prison and later sentenced 7 years hard labour in the Colonies of Australia

Noteworthy traits honest, hard-working, happy go lucky
Intrigue? Mystery? She is madly in love with her mistress, yet tells porky pies about

her “beau”.

How do they support or drive the conflict with others? She tries to make contact with Harriet in order to assist her.

Irony – Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character she is not conflicted about her attraction to the same sex yet despises her older sister’s criminal activities.

Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters she has no secret agenda’s and wears her heart on her sleeve.

Unpredictable? Whilst being transported to Australia she is raped on board ship and decides to keep the child.

Intriguing relationship with one or more characters. Desperately in love with Harriet, has a love hate relationship with her “troubled” sister Tily.

START: an ordinary maid gets entangled in her sister’s crime when she is arrested for being in possession of stolen clothing. She is whisked off to prison and later sentenced to 7 years hard labour in the Colonies of Australia.

MIDDLE: She keeps the love of her mistress a secret to her employer, Mrs. Wright and makes up fanciful stories of a supposed “boyfriend”.

ENDING: Despite all the hardships thrown at her; the conviction, the transportation, her rape, death of her sister, her inner strength and conviction shines through.

EDIT VERSION:

An ordinary maid gets entangled in her sister’s crime when she is arrested for being in possession of stolen clothing. She is whisked off to prison and later sentenced to 7 years hard labour in the colonies of Australia. She keeps the love of her mistress a secret to her employer, Mrs. Wright and makes up fanciful stories of a supposed “boyfriend”.

Despite all the hardships thrown at her; the conviction the transportation, her rape and the death of her sister she manages to hold onto her inner strength and conviction that one day she will be re-untied with the love of her life, Harriet.

RICHARD SMITH

Role in the show A handsome young sailor quickly assists his lover’s escape one night when suddenly the “Molly” house they are spending the night in is raided. His lover is free but now he faces hanging for “acts of an unnatural nature”.

Noteworthy traits expert seaman/cockswain,
Intrigue? Mystery? Overtly masculine to hide his homosexuality, especially from his

straight sailor mates.

How do they support or drive the conflict with others? The romantic ties with his rich gentleman friend place him in the hope of one day being freed.

Irony – Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character she is not conflicted about her attraction to the same sex yet despises her older sister’s criminal activities.

Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters he lives two quite separate lives, one as a butch sailor and the other as a closeted homosexual.

Unpredictable? Desperate to keep his sexuality a secret, even has a tattoo of a mermaid on his left arm to keep up a heterosexual appearance.

Intriguing relationship with one or more characters. He and Elliot are in love with one another and suddenly their life is interrupted, when one of his sailor mates finds out what he is up to and ruins everything.

START: A handsome young sailor quickly assists his lover’s escape one night when suddenly the “Molly” house they are spending the night in is raided. His lover is free but now he faces hanging for “acts of an unnatural nature”.

MIDDLE: He puts on a butch bravado to hide his homosexuality from his sailor mates. Unbeknown to him one of his sailor mates finds out what he is up to and ruins everything. The jury wave his sentence of death and instead he is transported to Australia for 10 years of hard labour.

ENDING: Whilst on the voyage, he is called upon to help steer the ship through a storm and is held up as a hero both by the crew and the passengers. He hangs out for the hope of one day spending the rest of his life with Elliot.

EDIT VERSION:

A handsome young sailor quickly assists his lover to escape one night when suddenly the “Molly” house they are spending the night in is raided. His lover is free but now he faces hanging for “acts of an unnatural nature”. His life is suddenly turned upside down when unbeknown to him one of his sailor mates finds out what his is up to and ruins everything.

The jury waver his sentence of death but instead is transported to the Antipodes for 10 years hard labour. Whilst on the voyage, he is called upon to help steer the ship through a storm and is held up as a hero both by the crew and passengers. Despite his butch bravado he hangs all his hopes of one day spending the rest of his life with Elliot.

[Brenda Clarke]

I have already improved on what I started with on my BW framework, so I am confident that it will progress and get better (more detail) as I work through these modules.

1. Concept

A: an English middle class horse trainer turns into a bad ass in order to find the whereabouts of her missing lover . . .

B: makes it all the more difficult as she is a closeted lesbian. . .

C: discovers her true grit . . .

D: as she slowly delves into the seedy criminal underworld

2. World

Unique Sub-World: the seedy underworld of English Criminals/Australian Colonies

Previously unexplored: how a lesbian of the 1830’s can raise in status and power

The Unknown: how the criminals will react to her and gain her trust

The Unseen: will she be arrested for her criminal activities?

Unheard of Dangers: will the criminals turn on her, can she keep her new found illegal activities a secret?

Reason To Explore It: she leaves no stone unturned and will do anything to find her lover, even if it means sailing to the Antipodes.

[Brenda Clarke]

Hello Folks, I am ready to do another exchange.

I have noticed they are emailing Module 2 classes already but thought we had 10 days to do the feedback for this last assignment on module 1.

I haven’t started Module 2 yet, hopefully will get to it in the next few days!

Happy to exchange with someone new.

cheers,

Brenda

HAPPY HOLIDAYS & have a GREAT NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke Creating Layers

I have realised that by creating a tv show that has great intrigue, I need to continually keep questioning my characters and plots by adding multiple layers and that one or two are not sufficient either for the audience or from a producers point of view. Keep an open mind and keep exploring the possibilities. I am only scratching the surface to date.

Assignment #1 Riverdale #10 The Lost Weekend

The over all arc is trying to find out who killed Jason Blossom, Why and what do they have to gain from this? This is the first layer. Many layers are slowly unfolding by revealing possible characters that may have a motive. For example we now know that the Blossoms were the ones who got Veronica’s father arrested, which may give him the motive to murder their son.

character reveals / secrets eg: Jughead’s Dad confronts Betty’s mum, Alice says that she really is a girl from his side of the tracks – does she have a dark side to her?

Archie’s mother turns up in episode 10 makes the audience wonder, where the family dynamics will go now that she comes back home.

Betty reveals to Jughead she has a deeper/darker side to herself, that she really didn’t want people to find out about herself. Perhaps they have more in common than they realise. Which is also a relationship angle, we want to see where these two will go and what will happen.

The return of a character, Chuck who reunites with Cheryl and they crash Jughead’s birthday party. Also the undercover relationship with Kevin’s boyfriend and the secret meeting with Jughead’s dad. Will Alice uncover what he is up to? (as she was spying on them the night of the party).

Veronica is suspicious now about both parents, who can she trust, great example of an OPEN LOOP, we don’t know the answer to this yet, so WATCH THE NEXT EPISODE!

Assignment #2 Convicts

Plot Surface:

Layer 1: Hidden Story: Elliot arrives home early one morning, injured and out of sorts. Why? What happened to him that night? Why is he drinking and locked himself in his room?

Layer 2:Major Event: Harriet wakes up to find that her maid Rosie hasn’t returned from her day off. Where is she? What has happened to her?

Layer 3: Hidden History: Both Elliot/Harriet are hiding their homosexuality

Layer 4: Hidden Plan: Elliot/Harriet meet by chance, discover they have common ground and together hatch out a plan to solve both their problems

Character Surface:

Layer 1: Wealthy gentleman who has it all. Elliot seems to be bothered and hits the bottle

Layer 2: Hidden Character History: Elliot / Harriet cover up their homosexuality. Why this sudden change in behaviour? What’s happened to them?

Layer 3: Character Intrigue: Harriet seems on the surface to be an in control, hardworking, moral woman. Something else is going on, what depths will so go to, to get what she wants.

Layer 4: Hidden relationships: Harriet secretly in love with her maid Rosie. Elliot in love with a handsome sailor. Both want to keep it a secret from their respective families.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke IRONY

Brainstorming ideas is coming along slowly and I realise I have to give this more thought as I need to develop the process in order to get more involved with the characters and what is happening. So far, I feel I am getting some good ideas but will only be for the first few episodes but the more I get into this, hopefully the more ideas will come to me. Fingers Crossed!

Assignment #1 Riverdale epsiode 11. To Riverdale and Back Again.

Overall irony is Jughead’s narration, saying that if you scratch beneath the surface Riverdale is really not such a nice place to live and that perhaps there is some darker/evil elements that lurk in the town.

Character Irony would be Veronica is now being an “investigator” trying to find out the truth of her fathers involvement with the Blossoms, as her dad is a convicted felon. Alice, Betty’s mum acts as though butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth and we realise that Mr Jones knows more about her past etc.

Situational Irony was whilst at the high school dance everyone enjoying themselves the Sheriff was raiding Mr. Jones’ bungalow where he found a revolver in a tin box. The dance is disrupted when they find out Jughead’s dad has been arrested for Jason’s murder!

Assignment #2

My show Convicts:

IRONY

Elliot wealthy aristocratic, yet has sexual relationship with sailor. Is he ready to renounce his heritage in order to reunite with Richard?

Harriet, appears to be a hard working woman, well liked in the district (knows horses well) but when Rosie goes missing she is willing to do what ever it takes to get her back. Including doing a robbery for criminals.

Rosie gets involved in a crime because of her sister, she really didn’t want to have anything to do with her, now she is going to be shipped off to Australia.

Richard is a handsome sailor who helps Elliot escape the night of the arrest.

Irony is that Elliot is weak and unsure of what to do, he hits the bottle and depression whereas Harriet, steps up and takes action to find out what happened to Rosie.

Elliot and Harriet both hide their homosexuality even though they come from very different backgrounds, their secrets unit them.

Were Elliot and Richard set up, why was the Molly house raided that night when they were there? Could Richard have a jealous mate and dobbed them into the authorities? Perhaps this sailor mate could have found a note in Richards room from Elliot confirming his adoration and looking forward to catching up at the Molly house?

Mrs Wright suspicious about her daughters changed behaviour, she neglects her work with the horses. Ferrier has to take over whilst Harriet goes investigating.

Otto Edwards, Elliot’s father, badgers him to pull himself together. Sister sticks up for her brother – don’t be so hard on him. Perhaps she somehow seeks her brothers confidence and eventually he trusts her to reveal why he is “lost/troubled”.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke is ready for feedback BINGE WORTHY FRAMEWORK

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke IRONY

Brainstorming ideas is coming along slowly and I realise I have to give this more thought as I need to develop the process in order to get more involved with the characters and what is happening. So far, I feel I am getting some good ideas but will only be for the first few episodes but the more I get into this, hopefully the more ideas will come to me. Fingers Crossed!

Assignment #1 Riverdale epsiode 11. To Riverdale and Back Again.

Overall irony is Jughead’s narration, saying that if you scratch beneath the surface Riverdale is really not such a nice place to live and that perhaps there is some darker/evil elements that lurk in the town.

Character Irony would be Veronica is now being an “investigator” trying to find out the truth of her fathers involvement with the Blossoms, as her dad is a convicted felon. Alice, Betty’s mum acts as though butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth and we realise that Mr Jones knows more about her past etc.

Situational Irony was whilst at the high school dance everyone enjoying themselves the Sheriff was raiding Mr. Jones’ bungalow where he found a revolver in a tin box. The dance is disrupted when they find out Jughead’s dad has been arrested for Jason’s murder!

Assignment #2

My show Convicts:

IRONY

Elliot wealthy aristocratic, yet has sexual relationship with sailor. Is he ready to renounce his heritage in order to reunite with Richard?

Harriet, appears to be a hard working woman, well liked in the district (knows horses well) but when Rosie goes missing she is willing to do what ever it takes to get her back. Including doing a robbery for criminals.

Rosie gets involved in a crime because of her sister, she really didn’t want to have anything to do with her, now she is going to be shipped off to Australia.

Richard is a handsome sailor who helps Elliot escape the night of the arrest.

Irony is that Elliot is weak and unsure of what to do, he hits the bottle and depression whereas Harriet, steps up and takes action to find out what happened to Rosie.

Elliot and Harriet both hide their homosexuality even though they come from very different backgrounds, their secrets unit them.

Were Elliot and Richard set up, why was the Molly house raided that night when they were there? Could Richard have a jealous mate and dobbed them into the authorities? Perhaps this sailor mate could have found a note in Richards room from Elliot confirming his adoration and looking forward to catching up at the Molly house?

Mrs Wright suspicious about her daughters changed behaviour, she neglects her work with the horses. Ferrier has to take over whilst Harriet goes investigating.

Otto Edwards, Elliot’s father, badgers him to pull himself together. Sister sticks up for her brother – don’t be so hard on him. Perhaps she somehow seeks her brothers confidence and eventually he trusts her to reveal why he is “lost/troubled”.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke Creating Layers

I have realised that by creating a tv show that has great intrigue, I need to continually keep questioning my characters and plots by adding multiple layers and that one or two are not sufficient either for the audience or from a producers point of view. Keep an open mind and keep exploring the possibilities. I am only scratching the surface to date.

Assignment #1 Riverdale #10 The Lost Weekend

The over all arc is trying to find out who killed Jason Blossom, Why and what do they have to gain from this? This is the first layer. Many layers are slowly unfolding by revealing possible characters that may have a motive. For example we now know that the Blossoms were the ones who got Veronica’s father arrested, which may give him the motive to murder their son.

character reveals / secrets eg: Jughead’s Dad confronts Betty’s mum, Alice says that she really is a girl from his side of the tracks – does she have a dark side to her?

Archie’s mother turns up in episode 10 makes the audience wonder, where the family dynamics will go now that she comes back home.

Betty reveals to Jughead she has a deeper/darker side to herself, that she really didn’t want people to find out about herself. Perhaps they have more in common than they realise. Which is also a relationship angle, we want to see where these two will go and what will happen.

The return of a character, Chuck who reunites with Cheryl and they crash Jughead’s birthday party. Also the undercover relationship with Kevin’s boyfriend and the secret meeting with Jughead’s dad. Will Alice uncover what he is up to? (as she was spying on them the night of the party).

Veronica is suspicious now about both parents, who can she trust, great example of an OPEN LOOP, we don’t know the answer to this yet, so WATCH THE NEXT EPISODE!

Assignment #2 Convicts

Plot Surface:

Layer 1: Hidden Story: Elliot arrives home early one morning, injured and out of sorts. Why? What happened to him that night? Why is he drinking and locked himself in his room?

Layer 2:Major Event: Harriet wakes up to find that her maid Rosie hasn’t returned from her day off. Where is she? What has happened to her?

Layer 3: Hidden History: Both Elliot/Harriet are hiding their homosexuality

Layer 4: Hidden Plan: Elliot/Harriet meet by chance, discover they have common ground and together hatch out a plan to solve both their problems

Character Surface:

Layer 1: Wealthy gentleman who has it all. Elliot seems to be bothered and hits the bottle

Layer 2: Hidden Character History: Elliot / Harriet cover up their homosexuality. Why this sudden change in behaviour? What’s happened to them?

Layer 3: Character Intrigue: Harriet seems on the surface to be an in control, hardworking, moral woman. Something else is going on, what depths will so go to, to get what she wants.

Layer 4: Hidden relationships: Harriet secretly in love with her maid Rosie. Elliot in love with a handsome sailor. Both want to keep it a secret from their respective families.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke BIG PICTURE OPEN LOOPS

there is a lot of depth that goes into a series, much more than simple plot lines, the devil is in the details.

Assignment #1

RIVERDALE #9

big hook is who killed Jason Blossom? Why? and what will they benefit from it?

this episoed:

goals: ARCHIE uses blossoms to get into summer school music program

relationships: loses his girlfriend/consequences of his relationship with Cheryl

Solving Problems, Jughead/Betty find out through Archie that the blossoms put Hiram Lodge behind bars, so now that gives him a motivation for killing Jason

Danger/survival/risk: will Cheryl now destroy her father and Polly, what evil plots is she scheming?

ASSIGNMENT #2 CONVICTS

GOALS:

New goals? Harriet desperate to find her maid.

Goals related to big picture? Elliot wants to re-unite with Richard

Crushed Goals? Elliot/Harriet crushed when their lovers shipped off to Australia

Competition/conflict goals? social problems because of the sexuality & class differences

CONSEQUENCES:

Caught? Richard gets caught but help Elliot escape. Tilly/Rosie get caught and transported to Australia, suffer consequences on voyage/new country. Will Harriet/Elliot be able to keep their secret

Problems created from past actions? Tilly hasn’t always made the best decisions, gets her sister involved with her crimes.

SOLVING PROBLEMS:

Major problem? Harriet doesn’t know where to look for Rosie? Keeping secret from her mother. Elliot unsure what to do about Richard, hits the bottle instead, unable to take action.

What are they trying to solve? to get their lovers back in their lies

Major change imposed upon them? courage to step up and find their lovers

RELATIONSHIPS:

Peril? Elliot/Richard, Harriet/Rosie abruptly separated. Elliot/Harriet afraid parents will find out their secret.

New relationships forming? Harriet/Elliot meet each other by chance at Old Bailey when searching for their partners

Conflict inside relationship? Elliot eventually comes out to his sister/she now understands & supports him. Tilly/Rosie bond on the voyage. Elliot/Harriet understand they have mutual problems/common ground/work together

DANGER/SURVIVAL/RISKS:

Can they survive X Tilly/Rosie/Richard long voyage to Australia and circumstance in new land.

Putting themselves in danger/decisions? Harriet has to assist in a robbery in order for the criminals to trust her before giving her information of the girl’s whereabouts.

who else is pulled into danger? Will Elliot/Harriet fake relationship be exposed to their families/society?

Internal dangers: Elliot battles with alcohol/fathers dominance

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke MYSTERIES

Even though I am not writing a “who done it” style mystery, I can still write in Mystery elements for my characters to add depth and intrigue.

Assignment#1

RIVERDALE #8 The Outsiders

A: Shocking Event: Polly is pregnant with Jason’s baby. Jughead’s dad has set up one of the Serpents gang to establish relationship with gay character in order to infiltrate the Sherif’s office to seek out information.

B: Secret: Betty’s dad forced his wife when she was young to have an “abortion” and he too arranged a doctor’s appointment for his daughter Polly to have an “abortion”. I am quite surprised to NOTE that during this entire episode the word ABORTION was never used by any of the characters! ! Betty’s mum reveals to husband, “you know what I’m capable of”.

C: Investigation: Sherif slowly interviewing Polly in relation to Jason’s death.

D: WWWW& How: Who: Betty’s Mum? Did she kill Jason? How bullet to the head

E: Part Withheld: If Betty’s mum is the killer we need to know the Why? Did she know about the pregnancy? Did she know about him running drugs for the Serpents?

Big Picture: Jason is found on the edge of the river, with a bullet in his head. Now, the “over time” mystery becomes, “Who in this town did it and why?” Police and members of the town investigates. And there are so many suspects! In RIVERDALE, we know many things:

WHO killed: QB.
WHAT was he doing: Trying to escape town. His sister helped him. WHEN: Over the last week.
WHERE: Floated up to the shore.
HOW: Was shot in the head.

What we don’t know that causes the mystery:

WHO did it?
WHY did they do it?

Assignment#2

my show CONVICTS

Create two mysteries for your show — one that shows up strong in the Pilot and the other that is revealed over time.

1. Create your Shocking Event Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.

A. Shocking Event: Elliot & Richard spend the night together in a “Molly Pub”. The place is raided in the early hours of morning. Richard is arrested for “crimes of an unspeakable nature” but he was able to assist Elliot’s escape.

B. Secret: Elliot hides his homosexuality to his family

C. Investigation: He is injured in the escape, gets drunk as he doesn’t know what to do about Richard. He becomes sullen/moody, not sure if he should take any action?

WWWWW and How: Who: is the two men, Why: because they are both homosexual/illegal acts When: during early hours of the morning.

Part Withheld: Why? Was this a once off? Is Richard a prostitute? Was it a set up and perhaps they wanted to arrest Elliot not Richard?

2. Create the Over Time Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.

A: Cover up: Harriet wakes one morning to discover the maid has not returned home.

B. Secret: Harriet is in a lesbian relationship with her maid
C: Reveals: Harriet seeks the answers as to the maid’s disappearance.

WWWWW and How: Who? is her sister Tilly is involved, When? Something happened the day they spent together

Part Withheld: Where? We don’t know, Why” we don’t know?

Both these scenarios can play out simultaneously, as we follow these 4 main character’s journey’s.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  Brenda Clarke. Reason: Can't COPY/PASTE from a WORD document!

[Brenda Clarke]

CAN WE PLEASE COPY/PASTE OUR WORK?

THIS TAKES EXTRA TIME TO RETYPE INTO THE FORUMS!

Brenda Clarke Empathy/Distress

As I haven’t written much for my concept, this is giving me some great ideas for seasons one and two. So I need to keep working with these exercises in order to develop concepts moving forward.

RIVERDALE #7 In a Lonely Place

A: Underserved Misfortune – Polly being pregnant and placed in a nunnery by her parents.

Veronica’s father being in jail, hence her turning up at her mothers old hometown. Jughead homeless due to his drunk unemployed father.

B: External Character Conflicts: Cheryl/Betty usually at logger heads but both want the baby to be safe, Daughter/Mother Veronica finding out her mum forged her signature and may want to pursue a relationship with Archie’s dad, while she is still married. Archie’s Dad and Jughead’s dad have a bad past, due to stealing from the company, forcing him to get sacked. Betty/parents she wants to know the truth and not sure if they can be trusted.

C: Plot Intruding On Life: Betty keeps trying to find out the truth about the past, now has Jughead as friend, Jughead’s father struggling to keep it together, road blocks for Archie’s performance at school,

D: Moral Dilemmas: Betty upset by telling Polly about death of Jason, she feels guilty for her sister taking it so badly. big picture one is Archie having sex with his teacher, Jughead wants to have his family back together again but not sure if his dad can get his shit in a pile.

E:Forced decisions they’d never make: Betty wants to know the truth about Jason’s murder, Betty’s mum now declares daughters pregnant with Jason’s baby to press/town. Jughead’s Dad probably lit fire to protect his son

My show CONVICTS

Empathy Distress

HARRIET

A: underserved Misfortune: suddenly out of the blue her maid is arrested. Her life is turned upside down without her.

B: External Character conflicts: quarrels with her mother, regarding marriage and the need to find a husband to take care of her in her dotage.

C: Plot intruding On life: She decides to do whatever it takes to find Rosie, takes her frustration out/ bashes a man who was cruel to his horse. perhaps witnessed by child criminal who reports it to the gang. She needs to track the whereabouts of Tilly and is introduced to the criminal elements.

D: Moral Dilemmas: are twofold, her sexual orientation and being involved with a working class person. However, she fights against these constraints as she realises how deeply in love she is with Rosie.

E: Forced decisions they’d never make: Perhaps in order to gain info on the two sisters, she may have to “prove” herself to the criminal element, partake in a crime/scheme, in order to prove she can be trusted.

ELLIOT

A: Undeserved Misfortune: made an escape due to the assistance and quick thinking of Richard. However, Richard was arrested and now Elliot feels guilty/shame.

B: External Character Conflicts: quarrels with father re marriage, producing an heir to keep family line in tact. Sister doesn’t understand his moods or his attitudes

C: Plot intruding on Life: inaction/fear limit hem early on but he turns a corner, he wants to find his lover. Accidental meeting with Harriet, which develops into common ground.

D: Moral Dilemmas: his wealth/aristocratic background and association with a sailor together with his sexuality, both boundaries are crossed, which bears heavily on him. He needs to keep this secret from his father. He eventually opens up to his sister.

E: Forced decisions they’d never make: He gives up his family estate & inheritance in order to sail to Australia to re-unite with his lover. He also schemes a fake marriage with Harriet in order to give them a better chance of a new life in Australia.

ROSIE

A:Underserved Misfortune: her sister Tilly one afternoon steels clothing from a gent and as they run down the street are arrested. Rosie was in possession of stolen goods (hat) she too is convicted.

B: External Character conflicts: quarrels with Tilly for getting her into this mess (she misses Harriet and her life). She is afraid that Mrs Wright (Harriet’s mother) will find out about their secret and sack her.

C: Plot intruding on Life: Rosie sent to prison to wait for transportation, conditions are rough, life on board ship is even worse.

D: Moral Dilemmas: Rosie comfortable with her sexuality, however it does worry her that Harriet may only be using her as some sort of play thing and that perhaps she is not worthy of her love.

E: Forced decisions they’d never make: on ship Tilly becomes seriously ill (STD) and has been protecting Rosie from sexual advances from the sailors on board – taking care of them instead. Rosie is forced to have sex with a young crew member, who was harassed/bullied into losing his virginity by other members of the crew. Rosie gets pregnant and arrives in poor condition in Australia.

RICHARD

A:Underserved Misfortune: raid on the Molly house, he helps Elliot escape but he is arrested.

B: External Character Conflicts: he puts up a butch front with his mates, but secretly homosexual so more internal struggles.

C: Plot intruding on Life: he is sent to a hulk to await transportation to Australia, gets into a fight and is knifed by his attacker.

D: Moral Dilemmas: Perhaps he could write a letter to Elliot to say “forget him and get on with his life”. However, he signs off with his undying love.

E: Forced decisions they’d never make: due to severe storm whilst on ship he is called upon to take the helm. He refuses at first then when under threats of “the cat o’ nine tails” he goes up on deck and steers the ship safely through the storm. Becomes a hero to not only the crew but all the passengers and convicts on board as well. He too accepts a fake marriage with Rosie.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke Relationship MAP

The main character was fairly straight forward, but once I got to another character I noticed he didn’t have many interactions with other people so, now I know he needs a Mate for him to relate to which will show what he is hiding etc. Making him have more depth, more relationships. Making this a very worth-while exercise, shows up any blanks/holes!

Assignment 1. TV RIVERDALE

ARCHIE with Music Teacher

Surface: student/teacher, Conflict: He feels bad about their secret, History: sexual relationship, Subtext: Archie wants to break up but she wants to continue, Relationship Arc: Start ast student/teacher over summer become lovers/break up/teacher leaves.

ARCHIE with Betty

Surface: childhood friends, Conflict: She wants to be more than friends, History: known each other since 3/4 yrs old, grew up next door to each other, Subtext: Betty has a crush on him, Archie just wants to be friends, Relationship Arc: childhood friends, Betty wants more, he doesn’t, they remain friends.

ARCHIE with Veronica

Surface: new girl at school, Conflict: despite knowing Betty likes Archie, Veronica flirts/kisses Archie, History: they don’t have a history, Subtext: they have a friendship but is she gay will she come out in this show? Relationship Arc: strangers/flirt/kiss/become friends.

Assignment 2. Convicts

HARRIET with Rosie

Surface: Maid/friends, Common Ground: secretly both gay, Conflict: both experience Loss, History: New maid arrives & starts flirting, behaviour is encouraged, Subtext: Madly in Love with each other despite their backgrounds, Relationship Arc, strangers/ employer/servant/lovers, separation, reunion.

HARRIET with Mrs. Wright

Surface: Mother/daughter, Common Ground: Middle Class Family, Conflict: Opposing views about marriage, History: Father died when Harriet a small child, Mother strong morals, re work family/faith, Subtext: Mother widow, never re married, domineering, Relationship Arc: Over concern, lack of understanding to bonding and supportive when Harriet comes out to her mother.

HARRIET with Elliot

Surface: Stranger, Common Ground: Secretly both Gay, Conflict: opposing views about marriage, History, Chance meeting, discover they have common ground, Subtext: Elliot has an idea that may see both their situations amicably resolved, Relationship Arc, Strangers to common ground to assisting each other. Elliot suggest Lavender marriage, she agrees and both travel to Australia to unite with their loved ones.

ELLIOT with Richard

Surface: friends, Common Ground: secretly both Gay, Conflict: Loss when Richard is arrested and transported to the colonies, History: met in a pub, sex in laneway, hooked at very first moment, Subtext: madly in love, perfect match. Relationship Arc: lovers, shock, numb, inaction to courage/actions/happy reunion and set up home in Antipedes.

ELLIOT with Emily

Surface: younger sister, Common Ground: Wealthy Family/well connected in high society, Conflict: opposing views regarding family matters/marriage, History: not close, she is married with small son and 2nd on way, Subtext: unexpressed love, until Elliot comes out to his sister, she now understands his moods and tries to support him with his endeavours, Relationship Arc: Distant, lack of understanding to bonding and supportive.

ELLIOT with Oswald

Surface: Father, common ground: patriarch, Conflict: domineering, not close, History: father bangs on about getting married and Elliot producing an Heir to carry on family/traditions, Subtext: Father angry for young wife dying and leaving him with two small children. couldn’t be bothered, let the “help” take care of them, Relationship Arc: Distant to somewhat emapathy and more open to communication once Elliot marries Harriet, but angry again when he moves to Australia.

ROSIE with Harriet

Surface: Maid to Mistress, Common Ground: Secretly both lesbians, Conflict: sudden arrest of Rosie for crimes she didn’t really commit, History: maid arrives and flirts with mistress, Mistress flirts back, Subtext: Rosie madly in love with her mistress, her secret, Relationship Arc: worker/employer to friends to lovers to separation/loss/anguish/ to being reunited.

ROSIE with Mrs Wright

Surface: Maid/Employer, Common Ground: mutual respect, Conflict, Mrs. Wrights’ dislike of Rosie’s sister, History: Strong morals, re work kindness/respectful, Subtext: Rosie keeping secret from her employer, she is in love with her daughter, Relationship Arc: worker/employer to to shock/disgust when daughter comes out. To understanding and respect.

ROSIE with Tilly

Surface: Older sister, Common Ground: Tough childhood/poverty, Conflict: Morals, sister is a petty thief and part time prostitute, History: Tilly helped look after Rosie when they were younger, both street urchins, Subtext: Rosie angry with sister for getting her arrested, Relationship Arc: childhood struggles, to going their separate ways to reunion to transportation, loss, Rosie’s love/respect for her sister, Tilly dies on ships crossing.

RICHARD with Elliot

Surface: friends, Common Ground: secretly both homosexual, conflict: loss/anguish when arrested, History: met at pub, love at first sight, sex in laneway, Subtext, madly in love, perfect for each other hides his sexuality, Relationship Arc: strangers, to lovers, loss/separation to happy reunion.

ELLIOT with Mate

Surface: mates/friendship, Common Ground: both sailors, Conflict: Richard is gay his mate is straight, History: both grew up in naval families & both live in hostel for Sailors, Subtext: Richard tries to hide his sexuality from his mates, Relationship Arc, friends/mates to cutting ties, when Richard leaves his old world behind him.

ELLIOT with Rosie

Surface: Stranger, Common Ground, Both gay and both transported to Australia, Conflict: not sure to trust each other, History: chance meeting, discover they have common ground, Subtext: they too decide to have a fake marriage as suggested to them by Elliot, Relationship Arc: strangers to common ground to assisting each other to wedding, to all four living together in a new home, new life in Australia.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke

I have just skimmed the surface with regards to my characters, this exercise has shown me where I need to go deeper for the characters emotions to make them more intriguing I have to put more work into this area.

Assignment 1: RIVERLAND character ARCHIE

the less her parent tell her about her sister Polly, the more she wants to knowA: Hope to get Captain of Football team FEAR: he will fail

B: Motivation Want a Scholarship NEED so he can study music

C: Base negative emotion: fearful Public Mask: he’s coping/ok

D: Weakness, sex with teacher/girls he doesn’t believe in his talents?

E: Triggers not revealed yet?

F: Coping Mechanism: he has a tendency to lie.

BETTY:

A: Hope to be liked by others FEAR she won’t be popular

B: Motivation: Want relationship NEED to be loved

C: Base negative emotion: upset/uneasy Public Mask: happy go lucky

D: Weakness: uses people, fake date to find out info about death

E:Triggers: the less her parent tell her about her sister Polly, the more she wants to know

F: Coping Mechanism: her friends, keeping close to them

Assignment 2. MY SHOW: CONVICTS

HARRIET

A: Hope she will have a happy life FEAR that her mother will find out her secret

B: Motivation WANT to get on with her life NEED the love of Rosie to be happy

C: Base negative emotion: Fear PUBLIC MASK: she is in control

D: Weakness, will have to think about this one, perhaps lacks belief in herself?

E: Triggers: doesn’t like being threatened

F: Coping Mechanism: fights back/lashes out

ELLIOT;

A: Hope to live with Richard FEAR his father will find out his secret

B: Motivation WANT his father off his back NEED to be loved by Richard

C: Base negative emotion: Fear/shame PUBLIC MASK proud/straight/English Gent

D: Weakness: Alcohol

E: Triggers Father pushes his buttons

F: Coping Mechanism: he tends to shut down/hide/cry/seclusion/inaction

ROSIE:

A: Hope to have a good life FEAR unhappy future/like her childhood

B: Motivation WANT people to like her NEED to have a happy family

C: Base negative emotion: unsettled PUBLIC MASK: happy go lucky

D: Weakness: low self esteem

E: Triggers: Stress of going back to having nothing/poverty

F:Coping Mechanism: denial, ignore it, pretend it didn’t happen

RICHARD:

A: Hope to have a good life FEAR that people will find out he’s gay

B: Motivation: WANT to be popular NEED to feel loved

C: Base negative emotion: solitude/alone PUBLIC MASK; butch bravado

D: Weakness: belief in himself

E: Triggers: threat/negative emotion?

F: Coping Mechanism: fights back/lashes out

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke

Assignment 2. Intriguing Character Layers

This assignment has started me off in the right direction of finding true depth to my characters and start me thinking of all the layers I need to add to make them intriguing and keep the audience hooked to watch the next episode. Baby Steps!

Character Name: Harriet Wright

Role: Heroine, will do anything to find her maid

Hidden Agenda’s: Wants to prove to her mother she is capable of running a business and doesn’t need to marry a man in order to have a “normal/happy life”.

Competition: perhaps she is hard on herself? tries to be the best she can, rather than competing with others.

Conspiracies: She seeks out petty criminals in order to find the whereabouts of Tilly (maids older sister) and has do to some favours in return for them to help her.

Secrets: Harriet hasn’t spoken about her true feelings she has for the same sex with her mother. She is quite a loner and doesn’t have many friends.

Deceptions: She gets involved with the criminal world and needs to keep their secrets. When she can be trusted they include her as one of them, giving her the 5 dot tattoo between the thumb and forefinger. (perhaps later adding skull & cross bone as a “leader not to be messed with”).

Wound: Secretly hates her father for leaving them when she was a small girl, saw the struggles and sacrifices her mother made to make ends meet. She is determined to be successful.

Secret Identity: haven’t thought this out fully but perhaps she could have some sort of disguise when doing a “job” for the criminal gang? She could be quite good at this?

Character Name: Elliot Edwards

Role: Reluctant Hero, want to reconnect with his sailor lover

Hidden Agenda: Prove to his snobbish father, that he is a good and decent person

Competition: not sure about this one yet?

Conspiracies: He conspires with Harriet to have a fake marriage (when they meet up at the Old Bailey when trying to find their lovers)?

Secrets: he too hides his homosexuality, but eventually reveals it to his sister.

Deceptions: fake marriage?

Wound: His father was very cruel to him when he was younger? Whipped him?

Secret Identity: he really lives a double life, he is from an aristocratic family, yet he falls for a common sailor. two sides to him. (He can be very feminine (the bottom) and Richard the masculine one (the top) in the relationship.

Character Name: Rosie Cotton

Role: Maid/lover to Harriet innocently caught in crime and transported to Australia

Hidden Agenda: have to think about this one as her character is very honest and open

Competition: her sister Tilly is the one that perhaps is trying to compete with her younger sister Rosie?

Conspiracies: have to think on this, perhaps Harriet has asked her not to tell her mother about them?

Secrets: to keep her and Harriet’s love for each other a secret from Harriet’s mother. Perhaps when she was a child she used to be a pick pocket?

Deception: perhaps she makes up a “fake boyfriend” and tells Mrs. Wright fanciful stories about her adventures/love with this unknown young man.

Wound: Her and older sister lived on the streets (after their parents died) did what they could to survive. Hates her past and just wants to live for today.

Secret Identity: perhaps this could be her poor past, being a child pick pocket?

Character Name: Richard Smith

Role: a sailor who is convicted for 7 years transportation for “crimes of an unnatural act”.

Hidden Agenda: not sure about this?

Competition: always trying to prove his masculinity to his mates, over compensating for his homosexuality

Conspiracies: not sure if he has anything in this area, will have to give it more thought

Secrets: his homosexuality

Deceptions: he over compensates his masculinity when with his heterosexual sailor friends

Wound: perhaps he really didn’t like being a son of a sailor and being brought up in the navy. He misses his mother as she died when he was young.

Secret Identity: he hides his homosexuality from his mates, but also has a circle of gay friends. (he is the one who takes Elliot to the “Molly house” to spend the night with him)

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke RIVERDALE

This series is full of intrigue, it’s making me more aware how as a writer you can add depth to your characters and not make dull/ordinary characters but textured with deeper layers.

Assignment 1. INTRIGUE #4 The Last Picture Show

Secret Identity: Music teacher didn’t exist 12 months ago, something darker going on?

Secret: Archie has desperately trying to keep his affair with the music teacher under wraps.

Hermoine, Veronica’s mother also has secrets of her own, why is she seeing some guy from the “South Side Gang”. REVEAL to her daughter that her father is a business man and is paying off South Side for services rendered. He operates even whilst in jail. Veronica surprised to find out that her father perhaps has a large criminal side to him.

Kevin makes out with one of the South Side Gang at the Drive In, they both decide to keep it a secret (Kevin from his Sherif Dad & gang boy to his gang)

Hidden Agenda’s: Jughead wants to save the Drive In from being closed, reveal that he has been living there and bigger reveal towards end of episode his father seems to be the leader of the “South Side Gang”. Could also be Secret Identity?

Conspiracy: Betty does some sleuthing to find out that the music teacher didn’t exist 12 months ago, breaks into her car (with Veronica) and finds an old id “Jennifer Gibson” and a gun.

Deception: Music teacher reveals why she changed her name and didn’t tell Archie the truth about her background/domestic violence. But Was it the truth?

Hermoine, Veronica’s mum has also deceived her daughter by not telling her the truth about her and her ex husbands connections with the criminal world and South Side Gang.

Wound: Betty’s mother has been holding a grudge and being overprotective of her daughter because of something that went on with her oldest daughter Polly and Jason Blossom.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke

Engaging Main Characters Exercise 2.

I learned that by going through these steps thoroughly, it has shown me where I need to develop a character and add more of these “engaging character models” to increase both their depth as individuals and make them more engrossing from the audiences’ point of view.

1. Journey of the show: working title: “Convicts” other suggestions; “The Antipodes” (Greek word attested in Plato’s dialogue Timaeus, already referring to a spherical Earth, explaining the relativity of the terms “above and below”) COSTUME DRAMA/LGBTQ theme/characters.

Three Part Series: #1 England early 1800’s where crime is rife and people sentenced by the Old Bailey to hard labour in Australia. #2 Transportation, life on the ship as convicts are transferred to this great new south land, (which took 3 to 4 months). #3Life in Australia.

2. Main Characters That will sell the show:

Harriet Wright (late 30’s early 40’s) only child from a middle class family, lives with her widow mother. She breaks horses in for a living, doesn’t like seeing animals mistreated. Strong opinionated lesbian who falls in love with her maid.

Elliot Otto Edwards English Gentleman (early 30’s) oldest sibling of two, son and aire to Lord Edwards. Closeted homosexual, handsome/debonair in a foppish way. Immaculately dressed. In love with a young sailor, Richard.

Rosie Cook working class/common (early 20’s) honest/open, vivacious, younger sister to Tillie. Falls in love with her mistress.

Richard Smith (late 20’s) only child of deceased parents. A sailor (coxswain/helmsman) who lives under the charity of the “Dodd’s Boarding House for Sailors”. Handsome, tattoos of mermaid/anchor, hides his homosexuality with his overtly butch behaviour/mates. Young lover of Elliot.

3. Character Models:

HARRIET: A, Protagonist/Heroine, is in a more than physical relationship with her maid. When Rosie goes missing she searches high and low to find her lover, nothing will stand in her way.

B, Unique/Expertise, strong individual, good at reading/judging character: Purpose: to prove her maids innocence and to reunite with her. Irony, her mother brought her up to be of good strong morals and work ethic, however, she makes connections in the criminal world in order to find answers.

C: Intrigue, She has tried to hide her sexuality from her mother and others around her.

D: Moral Issues, she crosses both moral and social boundaries when she falls in love with “the help”.

E: Unpredictable, she defies both social norms and morals when she seeks the assistance of the criminal underworld to find answers of the whereabouts of her young lover.

F: Empathetic, we care about her because she has lived a lonely life up till finding her true love, she will do anything to get her back into her life, even if it means sailing to the other end of the world.

ELLIOT: A; Protagonist/reluctant hero. Doesn’t care for his ancestral home/heritage/wealth, deeply in love with Richard. When his young lover is arrested, he’s unsure whether to bail him out.

B: Unique/Expertise, he’s an expert swordsman, steps up to the mark when needed. He too decides to seek out his lover.

C: Intrigue, he hides his sexuality from his father but opens to his younger sister and reveals his torment.

D: Moral Issue, he crosses both moral and social boundaries with his relationship with the young sailor.

E: Unpredictable, he eventually has the courage to track down Richard, goes to the extend of a “lavender marriage” to save his reputation at home and new life abroad.

F: Empathetic, we care about him because he leaves all his wealth and stately home in order to find true love and happiness with Richard.

ROSIE A; Protagonist, madly in love with her mistress. Innocently gets involved in a crime with her older sister Tilly and is sentenced to 7 years in Australia for being in possession of stolen clothing.

B: Unique/Expertise, happy go lucky working class lass, who deserves to have more in life. She likes to see the best in people, her sister which brings her undone.

C: Intrigue, she has no doubts about her sexuality and is not worried about her feeling for Harriet.

D: Moral issues, her sexuality doesn’t bother her but being involved with criminal activities with her sister enrages her.

E: Unpredictable, after being raped on board ship she decides to keep the child and names her daughter after her deceased sister.

F: Empathetic, we care about her because she is really innocent as far as the crime is concerned, her life has been uprooted and takes a turn for the worse.

RICHARD: A: Protagonist, Richard assists Elliot’s escape the night the “molly house” is raided and is arrested for “crimes of an unnatural act”, he escapes the death penalty and is sent to Australia for 7 years hard labour.

B: Unique/Expertise, as an experience coxswain/helmsman his skills come in handy when the ship is struck by a severe storm.

C: Intrigue: his father was an experienced sailor, who was lost at sea, his mother died when he was only 10 (joined the Navy as a “boy” and worked his way up the ranks).

D: Moral Issue, he too hides his sexuality by his overtly masculinity.

E: Unpredictable, despite being sent to the colonies as a convict he is able to shave the ship during the voyage and thus earns the respect/hero of everyone on board.

F: Empathetic, he has had a hard life since a young boy, a hard worker and good person. Despite being transported he too wants to reunite with his lover Elliot.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke

Engaging Main Characters Exercise 1.

This assignment taught me how to “look” for characters that were engaging by watching a binge worthy show to highlight how engaging the characters were and to see how the depth of this certain character was developing.

RIVERDALE – Archie

A: Male Protagonist

B: He was at the lake and heard the gunshot, as a witness he eventually comes forward to the police

C: He is secretly having a sexual relationship with his music teacher

D: He has crossed the moral boundaries by having a relationship with a teacher, he also lies about being alone at the lake at the time in order to protect the teacher

E: Despite being grounded by his father, he still sneaks out in order to work with the “pussycats”.

F: The audience will feel empathy toward him as he is conflicted about the morals of the relationship as well as trying to do whats right by telling the police he was there at the lake at the time of the murder.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke

Three Circles of Characters

What I learned is that by drawing up an actual graphic with the three circles, highlighted to me what was lacking. Which wasn’t obvious prior to this. The character of the Sailor, just sat there with no other connections other than the main protagonist (his lover). So where did he come from? Who are his friends? His family? Who does he hang out with when not with his “Gentleman Friend”. Something that I can now remedy. Extremely helpful!

Riverdale Series

A. Main Characters Circle, Archie, Betty, Veronica

B. Connected Circle: Jughead, Kevin, Cheryl, Geraldine

C. Environment Circle: other students, Moose/Jocks, Josie & Pussycats, Parents of main characters, Teachers, Principal, Sheriff, towns people, characters at Diner etc.

CONVICTS my show (don’t have names for any characters at this stage)

A. Main Characters: English Gentleman, Sailor his lover. Woman and her Maid (also her woman’s lover)

B. Connected Circle: Gents Father, Sister – her husband and son, Woman’s Mother the household Cook/Housekeeper and the Maid’s older Sister.

C. Environment Circle: High Society, Middle Class, Criminals/Poverty, Old Bailey: Judges/Juries

One Sentence for MAIN Characters:

Gentleman: immaculately groomed, comes from aristocracy/wealth, doesn’t care for his heritage/father or ancestral home, closeted homosexual.

Sailor: handsome/rugged/manly Strapping physique, one would never guess he was homosexual (lover to Gentleman)

Woman: Independent woman, mature, good head on her shoulders, trains/breaks horses in, despises anyone who is cruel to animals. Lesbian (closeted), lives with her mother.

Maid: working class, happy go lucky attractive. Open/honest/trustworthy, Mistresses’ lover.

[Brenda Clarke]

RIVERDALE

5 Star Model

What I learned about this assignment is gaining an understanding of how the writer has tickled our feathers of intrigue to draw us in to watch more of the show. I am just scratching the surface of what goes into a Binge Worthy TV program and will slowly put the pieces of the puzzle together, like a delicious meal, slowly adding all the ingredients till it delights our tastebuds so much we devour the plate in one sitting!

1. Big Picture Hook: It’s a Town of shadows and Secrets, Who Done It, Murder Mystery type.

2. Amazing & Intriguing Character; A mixture of high school kids, with a range of nerds, cheerleaders, hot jocks, and wicked/bitchy teenage girls, and girl next door types. They have a diverse cast with black/asians/LGBTQ characters.

3. Empathy/Distress; The fact that Archie slept with his music teacher and they heard a gun shot makes us feel both empathy and distress for him. Also Betty reveals her heart to Archie and it’s not met in return, we feel sorry for her.

4.Layers/Open Loops. They create the mysterious death of Jason, when at the very end of the first episode his body is found at “The Rivers Edge” (title of 1st episode) having been shot.

5. Inviting Obsession. All the actors are beautiful/attractive to look at, so one would assume on a very basic/surface level this would attract teenagers to watch the show. On a deeper level/beneath the surface, the characters have more depth to them as we are slowly being allowed into their lives and discover more about them and what makes them tick. Their secrets, their struggles and ambitions. By creating a mysterious death of one of the town’s teenagers, the audience is drawn in for the simple answer of “Who is the murderer”? The teenagers, teachers and parents are written in a way that we (the audience) want to know more about them and what makes them tick. Who is going to get involved with one another and what relationships will fall apart. The intrigue is two fold, one the murder and two finding out more about the people in this small town.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  Brenda Clarke.

[Brenda Clarke]

BRENDA CLARKE

Hello Everyone, glad to be learning some new skills. I have done ProSeries & MSC.

I have just gained access to classes 🙂 I have written several screenplays plus a few shorts and filmed some small doco’s. I am a screenwriter/director/actress and live in regional Victoria, Australia.

With this class I hope to increase my level of skills and get something optioned!

Due to time differences, and bad phone connections, I will be listening to the recordings then posting my work.

Look forward to communicating with you all.

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke

I agree to the terms of this release form

[Brenda Clarke]

Hello Peter,

would like to exchange with you.

email

ozmaidprod@bigpond.com

many thanks,

Brenda Clarke

[Brenda Clarke]

Hello Diane,

I didn’t receive your email. I have emailed my thriller map to you.

Perhaps return my email with your Thriller Map attached and I will get right to it.

Many thanks,

Brenda

[Brenda Clarke]

Hello Diane,

I would like to exchange with you when you are ready.

I am about to do my second exchange, so it won’t be long.

my email is

ozmaidprod@bigpond.com

I look forward to making contact with you.

kind regards,

Brenda 🙂

[Brenda Clarke]

Hi,

I haven’t received my feedback from Alfred yet.

Hal said do one exchange at a time.

We are meant to exchange the triller maps, then edit/update make changes on your own thriller map before exchanging with a second person.

Thanks,

Brenda

[Brenda Clarke]

Hi Gisele,

happy to exchange with you once I have received my notes back from Alfred. I will then have to make the edits and then exchange with you.

If that’s OK with you?

My email is ozmaidprod@bigpond.com

[Brenda Clarke]

Hello Diane,

I would like to connect with you. I have sent you a request also on LinkedIn, we can also connect via facebook if you like.

Would you be up for exchanging scripts when we get there?

kind regards,

Brenda Clarke

[Brenda Clarke]

Hello Alfred, yes I did send the friend request. I’m trying to make some contact with fellow class members. Would be happy to exchange when the time comes.

kind regards,

Brenda

[Brenda Clarke]

Hi Griff,

happy to exchange, my email is

ozmaidprod@bigpond.com

Send yours over, I am going to do an update on mine having some great notes

from my first exchange, so it may take a day or two to send it to you.

kind regards,

Brenda