Brenda Riolo
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Brenda’s Profound Map Version 1
What I learned doing this assignment is I think I have the basic structure of my story laid out to do a detailed outline, but the Action Gradient needs to be filled out with more detail. This class added important structure to my story that I feel will deliver the ending, and now I need to fill in all the details.
TITLE: HOSPITAL TREASURE HUNT
WRITTEN BY: Brenda Riolo
1. What is Your Profound Truth? Love can heal all hurts.
2. What is the Transformational Journey?
Old Ways: The young girl is lonely and depressed. She doesn’t think her single mother loves her because he’s sick and because she’s always away on treasure hunting gigs. She feels damaged and broken inside and out and not a part of her mother’s life because of her illness. She acts out and treats her mother cruelly sometimes because she knows she’s supposed to love her but she can’t right now.
Journey: A depressed and lonely dying child begs his professional treasure hunter mother to take him on a treasure hunt, and they both discover that treasure and love can be found even in a hospital.
New Ways: The young girl begins to treat her mother with kindness. She begins to understand her as a person, and why she keeps so busy. She learns that there isn’t anything wrong with her other than her illness. The child and mother learn to love each other.
Transformational Logline: A depressed and lonely dying child begs his professional treasure hunter mother to take him on a treasure hunt, and they both discover that treasure and love can be found even in a hospital.
3. Who are Your Lead Characters?
Change Agent (the one causing the change): The Change Agent is the mother. Since it’s her child she feels guilty that her child is depressed and lonely, and she feels obligated to make the child’s final days happy ones. Her vision is life is a miracle and a joy, and before the child became ill she knew her child thought of life that way. Her goal in the story is to bring the child back to the way she was.
Transformable Character(s) (the one who makes the change): The Transformable Character is the child. The story is told from the female child’s point of view. There is dramatic conflict for a girl child such as mother/daughter jealousy, seeing yourself in your own child, as a mother you’re supposed to creating a better generation of female in your child and you haven’t so there is guilt because you’ve passed down your neuroses and other bad habits, etc. It’s the child who has to transform to face their last days in peace.
Betraying Character (if you have one): The Betraying Character is the nurse who takes care of the child and has in effect become the substitute parent. I think there will be some jealousy when the mother comes up with the hospital treasure hunt, and the nurse will sabotage the mother’s efforts. The child will feel betrayed because the nurse was the substitute parent, and has now become the enemy of sorts. It’s not that the nurse doesn’t see life is a miracle and joy, but in her line of work she has become jaded and wants her patients to face death with realistic eyes. The mother character has a more optimistic point of view, and believes one should face death thinking every waking moment is a miracle.
Oppression: The oppression is disease the child is dying from, and society’s view of death and how it should be treated.
4. How Do You Connect With Your Audience in the Beginning of the Movie?
The Child
a. Relatability – The child is in the hospital and is sick and doesn’t like it. The child is us.
b. Intrigue – We know the child is sick, but we don’t know if the child’s illness is fatal. There is some intrigue about why the child wants a treasure hunt, which will be paid off later when we find out the mother is a professional treasure hunter.
c. Empathy – There is empathy for the child character because the child is an unfortunate situation. No young child should be spending long periods of time in a hospital.
d. Likability – The child is liked by her nurse.
The Mother
a. Relatability – The Mother is a parent to a sick child. The Mother is also us if the audience member is a parent or knows someone in a similar situation.
b. Intrigue – We don’t know why the mother is away from the child, and we’ll find that out in the script. We are also interested in how the mother intends to have a treasure hunt in a hospital.
c. Empathy – There is empathy for the Mother character because she is in a difficult situation – she’s a single working mother with a very sick child.
d. Likability – The Mother is liked by the Doctor
5. What is the Gradient of the Change? Desired change – the mother character wants to take her child’s request for a treasure hunt and use it so she can help the child rediscover happiness so they can face death together as a family.
a. Emotion: Excitement
b. Action: The child’s mother arrives to visit her in the hospital. She agrees to take the child on a treasure hunt.
c. Challenge – The treasure hunt has to take place in the hospital / Weakness – the child is too sick to travel but doesn’t know it.
a. Emotion: Doubt
b. Action: The child is upset by not being able to leave the hospital, throws a fit, and experiences a health downturn.
c. Challenge – The child thinks her mother is too embarrassed by her / Weakness – the child believes her illness has made her mother not love her and that’s why she’s been away a lot.
a. Emotion: Hope
b. Action: The treasure hunt her mother devised feels like a real hunt, and the whole hospital is involved. The child starts to respond more positively with her mother.
c. Challenge – the child still thinks that they will leave the hospital at some point in the treasure hunt / Weakness – the child still believes that she will be well enough to leave the hospital
a. Emotion: Discouragement
b. Action: the nurse makes disparaging comments about the treasure hunt and tells the child she’ll never leave the hospital. The nurse is like a second mother to the child.
c. Challenge – the child begins to doubt that treasure can be found in a hospital and she’ ll never leave there / Weakness – the child feels depression coming on and feelings of not being worth anything.
a. Emotion: Courage
b. Action: Despite her illness, the child fully participates in the treasure hunt her mother created and discovers there are real treasures in the hospital after all.
c. Challenge – doing the treasure hunt with an open mind so she can spend as much time with her mother as possible / Weakness – the child begins to think that she will get better and conquer her illness
a. Emotion: Triumph / Loss
b. Action: The child has another relapse and grows weaker. She and her mother have a heart to heart chat with what’s really going on with her health. The child realizes that she wants to spend the rest of her trying to find the treasure and happiness every day.
c. Challenge – The child realizes they might be sicker than they thought / Weakness – Relapse from the illness
6. What is the Transformational Structure of Your Story?
MM #1 – Status Quo and Call to Adventure
The child is in the hospital, it’s an ordinary day with medical tests and playing with other children in the hospital. The mother receives a call from the hospital and the tests show the child’s condition is worsening. The mother flies home to visit the child and the child begs the mother to take her on a treasure hunt. The mother meets with the hospital staff about the child’s request. The mother tells the child they are going on a treasure hunt in the hospital.
The Emotion is Excitement for the child, the transformable character.
The Change Agent is the mother.
The old ways is the child is depressed and lonely.
The Vision is the child will be happy and not feel alone.
Challenge: The treasure hunt has to take place in the hospital
Weakness: the child is too sick to travel but doesn’t know it.
MM #2 – Locked into Conflict
The child is upset by not being able to leave the hospital, throws a fit, and experiences a health downturn. The child recovers. The mother tells the child that while she was ill, the hospital staff helped her to create the treasure hunt. The child at first resists but decides to participate since the staff and her mother spent so much time on it.
The Emotion is Doubt.
Old ways: Being sick and distrustful of the mother.
Challenge: The child thinks her mother is too embarrassed by her:
Weakness: the child believes her illness has made her mother not love her and that’s why she’s been away a lot.
MM #3 – Hero tries to solve the problem but fail.
The treasure hunt her mother devised feels like a real hunt, and the whole hospital is involved. The child starts to respond more positively with her mother. The child asks her mother if they’ll leave the hospital at some point, and the mother doesn’t respond, and the child shuts down again.
The Emotion is hope.
New ways- the child appears happy and less morose, and gets along better with her mother.
Challenge: the child still thinks that they will leave the hospital at some point in the treasure hunt
Weakness: the child still believes that she will be well enough to leave the hospital
MM #4 – Hero forms a new plan. Turning Point: Plan backfires.
The child decides to be more open to the treasure hunt after discussion with her mother. The child asks if her uncle can participate. The mother calls her brother and tells him what’s going on. The brother shows up and the child is pleased. They find the first treasure and the mother decides to have a party. The mother and her brother argue about telling the child the truth about her condition, and the mother refuses. The nurse makes disparaging comments about the treasure hunt and tells the child she’ll never leave the hospital.
The Emotion is Discouragement.
Challenge: the child begins to doubt that treasure can be found in a hospital and she’ll never leave there
Weakness: the child feels depression coming on and feelings of not being worth anything.
MM #5 – Hero Retreats and Turning Point: The decision to change.
The child reaches out to her uncle and has a talk with her doctor and other staff. After these discussion the child decides to keep going with the treasure hunt with an open mind and to figure out what her mother wanted her to experience. The child tells the nurse that she’ll leave the hospital one day soon.
The emotion is courage.
Challenge: doing the treasure hunt with an open mind so she can spend as much time with her mother as possible Weakness – the child begins to think that she will get better and conquer her illness
MM #6 – The hero’s bigger, better plan and Turning Point: The ultimate failure.
The child fully participates in the treasure hunt her mother created and discovers there are real treasures in the hospital after all. The child realizes she is not getting better and starts to feel weaker every day. She wonders if there is something her mother isn’t telling her.
Challenge: Keeps enthusiasm up and ignores her body.
Weakness: Feeling tired from the treasure hunt.
MM #7 – Crisis and Climax and Turning Point: Apparent victory.
The child asks the mother to tell her the truth, and talks about what she’s been experiencing health-wise. In the middle of this discussion, the child experiences a relapse and is unconscious for a day. The child recovers and She and her mother have a heart to heart chat with what’s really going on with her health. The child realizes that she wants to spend the rest of her trying to find the treasure and happiness every day.
The emotion is Triumph.
Challenge: The child realizes they might be sicker than they thought
Weakness: Relapse from the illness
MM #8 – New Status Quo
The child and her mother create another treasure hunt for the other children in the hospital. The child is happier and is bonding more with the other sick children. The mother gives her child a diary so she can record all the good things she is experiencing. The mother and child are closer than ever.
Montage of the child’s life after this experience. The child is able to go to school. She volunteers at the hospital where she was staying and creates treasure hunts for the children when she is in high school. The child writes a book about her treasure hunt experience with her mother. The child goes on a book signing tour. The child wins an inspiration award. Final scene – funeral for the child who lived much longer than anyone expected and was an inspiration to many sick children around the world.
7. How are the “Old Ways” Challenged?
Five Question Challenges to an Old Way
1. The child tells the mother that she’s broken like her doll.
a. The mother takes the doll and fixes it. Then she takes the child to visit the other children in hospital, and asks the child if they’re broken too.
2. The child tells the mother she’s always unhappy.
a. The mother accompanies the child to the playground and they play like old times and have a good time. The mother asks the child if she’s happy now.
3. The child accuses the mother of not loving her because she stayed away.
a. The mother tells the child that her work trips paid for her hospital stay and however long she’ll need to be in the hospital. She also has enough money to stop if she needed to, which is what she is doing now. The mother asks the child if she still thinks the mother doesn’t love her.
4. The child treats her mother cruelly sometimes.
a. The doctor and uncle ask the child if she’s having a good time with her mother? The child answers yes, and they ask her separately why she feels the need to challenge her mother and is always sarcastic with her.
5. The child does not have long to live.
a. The mother talks to the child and tells her beliefs about one’s health affects her physically. The mother asks the child how has she been feeling since the treasure hunt, and the child says she feels great.
Five Counterexamples to an Old Way
1. The child accuses the mother of not loving her because she stayed away.
a. The child talks to another child about their mothers, and hears how her friend’s mother is always around but the friend doesn’t think her mother loves her because she keeps telling the child what to do.
2. The child feels lonely.
a. The child tells another child she always feels lonely, and the other child says she doesn’t feel lonely because of her friendship with her.
3. The mother doesn’t love the child and know anything about her
a. The child realizes that the mother designed the treasure hunt so she could do things she’s always wanted to do.
4. The child doesn’t have long to live.
a. The child meets another child on the treasure hunt, who tells her everyone expected her to die two years ago. When she asks the child why she didn’t die, the other child said she was too happy to die and didn’t want to leave her parents.
5. A treasure hunt in the hospital is stupid.
a. The Hospital treasure hunt turns out to be more than the child expected when she discovers things she didn’t know about or were there.
Should work, But Doesn’t Challenges
1. The Child Throws a fit, this is their old way to get what they want. But instead of getting what they want, the fit causes the child’s condition to worsen instead.
2. The Child resists the mother’s efforts to participate in the Treasure Hunt. This is their old way to get the mother to change her mind. But when the child finds out the staff at the hospital helped the mother create the treasure hunt, the Child reconsiders her decision.
3. The Child requests that her uncle join the treasure hunt. The Child often used the Uncle to take her side when she wanted the mother to change her mind about something. The Uncle doesn’t take the Child’s side so she is forced to keep going with the treasure hunt.
4. The Child’s old way is to ignore her body and pay attention to her health. During the Treasure Hunt, the Child feels weak and tired but doesn’t tell her mother or the staff. The Child is forced to acknowledge finally that there might be something more wrong with her.
5. The Child’s old way is to say or do mean things to her mother to express her hidden anger to her mother. When the mother doesn’t get upset at the mean things she does or says, the child is forced to confront her mother directly about any anger she is having.
Living Metaphor Challenges
1. The Child’s old way is to feel broken and her broken doll is living metaphor of how she feels. The mother fixes the broken doll to challenge the child’s old way.
2. The Child’s old way is to leave the hospital signifying that she is better health-wise. The mother uses the living metaphor of treasure hunt in the hospital to challenge the child’s ways of thinking about her health.
3. The Child’s old way is to think her mother doesn’t love her. The treasure hunt becomes a living metaphor because the treasure hunt shows the child how much the mother loves her and knows everything about her since it was designed to take into account all of the child’s favorite things.
4. The Child’s old way is to keep to herself which reinforces all the bad things she feels. Her friendship with the other children in the hospital become a living metaphor for the child to challenge everything she thinks because her conversations with the other children force her to compare her situation to theirs.
5. The Child’s nurse is a living metaphor to represent the old ways of coping with death. When the child rejects the ways of the nurse, it will represent the child giving up the old ways of thinking.
8. How are You Presenting Insights through Profound Moments?
A. Action delivers insight
New Ways and the Actions that will Express Them
1. The New Way – The Child talks to the Mother character in a way that is more respectful and kind. For example, the Mother would make a suggestion to the Child and the Child would answer the mother with a sarcastic comment in her old way. When the Mother suggests something to the Child, the new action would be the Child would say “Good idea” or “Thank you.”
2. The New Way – The Child is more open to being friends with the other children in the hospital. In the opening scenes we the Child in the recreation area with the other children and keeping to herself, and not being very friendly when other children spoke to her which is her old way. In the New Way Action, we now see the Child trying to be more friendly with the other children and when she sees a new kid in the recreation room she will welcome her to the group.
3. The New Way – Instead of waking up and dreading the day, we will see the child wake up with a smile and seem very excited to start the day. In her old way, the Child is depressed in the opening scene and is sullen and angry which is her old way. Throughout the movie, we will see the child’s attitude about waking up changing.
4. The New Way – The child doesn’t have a fit anymore when she doesn’t get her way. We see that whenever the child doesn’t get her way, she has a tantrum. We will see the child experiencing setbacks and her attitude towards them will change to where she doesn’t throw a tantrum, and will instead brainstorm ideas on how to solve the problem.
5. The New Way – after the Treasure Hunt, the child tells the mother that she wants to create a new treasure hunt for the children in the hospital so they could have fun. In her old way, the Child couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital. Her New way will show the child wanting to stay in the hospital and bringing the same kind of joy she experienced from the Treasure hunt to other children.
B. Conflict delivers insight
1. The Mother Character and her brother argue about whether to tell the Child the truth about her illness. The mother refuses and the conflict uncovers the secret that the mother is afraid that if the Child knew she was dying she would give up on living. The insight is you have to face the truth about death.
2. The Mother Character and the Nurse are in competition for the Child’s affection. The conflict uncovers the truth that both women have a different view of how to face death. The Mother thinks a person needs to cherish every moment before death because death is not certain, while the Nurse feels that death is something to be prepared for as an eventuality. The insight is there is more than one way to face death.
3. The Child and Mother are in conflict in the beginning of the story through the Child’s verbal abuse with her mother with her constant sarcastic comments. The conflict uncovers the issue that the Child thinks the mother is ashamed of her for being ill and doesn’t want to see her which explains the mother’s absence from her life. The insight is the mother needed to tell the truth to the child about her situation instead of trying to hide it all.
4. The Mother is in a constant dilemma throughout the story about how to talk to her daughter about her illness. This conflict delivers the insight that death can be faced with truth and love.
5. The Child gets into arguments with the other Children in the recreation room as a way to keep herself apart from other children. The conflict uncovers the emotional issue that the child doesn’t want to think she’s like other children in the hospital and that she’s not as sick as they are, and she has nothing to learn from them. The conflict delivers the insight that when we reach out to others we learn from their experiences.
C. Irony delivers insight
1. The Insight is you need to tell the truth about your situation instead of trying to hide it. This irony was already built into my story because the mother hid the truth of why she was away from her daughter who is in the hospital. The mother felt that she didn’t want to burden the child with their financial situation, which she thought would prevent the child from getting better. Her plan had the opposite effect since the child assumed her mother didn’t love her which resulted in depression for the child and worsened her condition.
2. The Insight is the you can find treasure anywhere even in a hospital. This irony was already built into the story. The mother agreed to create the treasure hunt for the child thinking it would be an activity would be the last thing she ever did with her daughter. But at the end of the story, the treasure hunt becomes the activity that prolongs the child’s life.
3. The Insight is when you reach out to others, you learn that they can help you feel that you’re not alone. The child kept to herself and thought she wasn’t like other sick children, and if she was friends with them she would be more depressed. The irony, which was in the story, is that when the child reached out to the other children and started to make friends she realized that she was becoming happier. Being friends with the other children lifted her depression.
4. The Insight is Not getting what you want can be a good thing. The child asked the mother to invite her uncle, the mother’s brother, to participate in the treasure hunt. The child thought the uncle would take her side, as he often did in the past, and manipulate the mother. The irony is the child’s action had the opposite effect. The uncle did not take her side and encouraged the child to continue the treasure hunt. This irony needs to have more emphasis, since it was already built into the story. This child’s action can be used to create backstory for the child into the relationship dynamics between the mother, the uncle, and the child. The uncle saying NO then will end up becoming a bigger deal in the story when the child realizes she is on her own with her mother.
5. The Insight is A challenge / competition can be a good thing. I had the nurse in competition with the mother for the child’s affection. I think I need to have a scene where the mother and nurse get into an argument, with the mother realizing on a deeper level that she needs to be more honest with her daughter. The nurse’s action was trying to separate the mother from the child, but it will have the opposite effect of bringing the two closer together since the mother will be inspired by the nurse trying to tell the truth, and realizing she needs to the same with her daughter but in a different way.
9. What are the Most Profound Lines of the Movie?
Pattern A: Height of the Emotion
1. When the daughter tells the mother the broken doll is me – the emotion in the scene is the daughter is angry at the mother. The essence of the scene is the child feels broken.
i. I’m like this doll – she doesn’t work right.
2. When the uncle/brother talks to the child and tells her to do the treasure hunt with her mother – The child is desperate to leave the hospital and wants the uncle to talk to the mother. The essence of the scene is the uncle wants to tell the child but can’t.
i. Sometimes the best thing in life is too just follow the plan.
3. When the nurse and the mother talk about the child – the women are in competition for the child’s affection. The essence of the scene is the mother tells the nurse to leave her child alone.
i. I’m her mother. I birthed her and I’m the one who will bury her.
4. When the brother confronts his sister about the child – the brother wants his sister to tell the daughter the truth about what’s going on with her, the emotion is love the brother feels for his sister and his niece.
i. She needs to hear the truth so she can decide her own future.
5. When the child tells the mother to admit she stayed away because you were ashamed of me – the emotion is shame.
i. You stayed away because I’m not your perfect little girl anymore.
Pattern B: Build Meaning Over Multiple Scenes
1. “The Truth doesn’t have to hurt.” The arc for this line is showing the Mother’s arc. She’s afraid to tell her Child the truth about her condition thinking it will make things worse for the child, but at the end the Mother repeats the line so the child can face her death with a new attitude.
i. In MM # 1, the doctor will say this line to the Mother when he finishes telling her the results of the Child’s tests.
ii. In MM # 4, the brother says this line to the mother when he tries to convince to tell her the daughter the truth about what’s going on with her health.
iii. In MM # 7, the Mother will repeat this line to the Child when she tells her the truth about her health.
2. “Treasure can be found anywhere.” The arc for this line reflects how the mother wants the child to feel about life.
i. In MM#1, we hear the mother say this line to the doctor when he asks her what she does for a living and she tells him she’s a treasure hunter.
ii. In MM#2, the Mother will repeat this line to the Child about the treasure hunt.
iii. In MM#6, the Child will repeat this line to the mother when she realizes they did find a real treasure in the hospital.
iv. In MM#8, the Child will repeat this line when she’s explaining the new Treasure Hunt to the other kids in the hospital.
3. “Each day is a new day to decide how you want to feel.” The arc of this line will reflect the changing attitude of the Child who we see at the start of the story is unhappy and depressed.
i. In MM # 2 when the Mother and Child are arguing about doing the treasure hunt, the mother will say this line to the child.
ii. In MM # 6 the Child will repeat this line to herself when she feels weak, and we will see she starts each day saying it. But by Day 4, she starts to doubt it since she’s not feeling better.
iii. In MM #7 the Child will repeat this line to her Mother even after she finds out the truth about her health. She will say it with determination in her eyes, like she really believes it.
10. How Do You Leave Us With A Profound Ending?
A. Deliver The Profound Truth Profoundly – Profound Truth – Love Heal All Hurts
Ending – The mother and child create a treasure hunt for the other children in the hospital, the child lives much longer than expected and is shown a volunteer in the same hospital. She also writes a book about her Treasure Hunt experience with her mother.
B. Lead Characters Ending Represents The Change – The Child, the Transformable Character, is shown as someone who is happy and lives much longer than expected. She works as a volunteer in the same hospital to help other children the way her mother helped her deal with her illness. The child’s old ways were that she was unhappy and very lonely.
The mother, the Change Agent, writes books about her adventures so she can spend more time with her daughter and supports in all her activities. The mother’s old ways were that she was always away on trips and didn’t want to spend much time with her daughter.
C. Payoff Key Setups – Questions that are answered: Why the mother is always away which only started when the child got sick, what’s going on health-wise for the child, why the nurse made disparaging comments about the treasure hunt, why the mother picked a treasure hunt,
Need to add to opening a little more intrigue using interest techniques.
D. Surprising, But Inevitable – We think the child is going to die, but she lives much longer than expected because her change in attitude has made her stronger and happier. The child as she grows up becomes an inspiration for other children dealing with illness and she writes a book about her own experience that becomes a bestseller among terminally ill patients young and old.
E. Leave Us with a Profound Parting Image/Line – The parting image is going to be the funeral for the child. We’re going to see her best friend talking about the child and what she learned with reference to how life is a treasure hunt, and riches can be found anywhere even in death.
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Brenda Builds Meaning with Dialogue – Assignment 2
What I learned doing this assignment is this technique is a great way to show a character’s arc. You can have the character repeat a line and have the line change the meaning over time. I saw this technique used in the movie “Enchanted April”. Lady Caroline wanted to go to Italy for vacation because she was so tired of people grabbing her. She says this line 2 or 3 times in the movie. Then we see her tell the owner of the Italian Villa Mr. Briggs, that she needed to grab him. It’s an interesting reversal for Lady Caroline who didn’t want to be grabbed and we now see her grabbing someone with a smile on her face, showing that the act of grabbing has taken on a total different meaning for her character.
1. “The Truth doesn’t have to hurt.” The arc for this line is showing the Mother’s arc. She’s afraid to tell her Child the truth about her condition thinking it will make things worse for the child, but at the end the Mother repeats the line so the child can face her death with a new attitude.
a. In MM # 1 the doctor will say this line to the Mother when he finishes telling her the results of the Child’s tests.
b. In MM # 4 the brother says this line to the mother when he tries to convince to tell her the daughter the truth about what’s going on with her health.
c. In MM # 7 the Mother will repeat this line to the Child when she tells her the truth about her health.
2. “Treasure can be found anywhere.” The arc for this line reflects how the mother wants the child to feel about life.
a. In MM # 1 we hear the mother say this line to the doctor when he asks her what she does for a living and she tells him she’s a treasure hunter.
b. In MM # 2 the Mother will repeat this line to the Child about the treasure hunt.
c. In MM # 6 the Child will repeat this line to the mother when she realizes they did find a real treasure in the hospital.
d. In MM # 8 the Child will repeat this line when she’s explaining the new Treasure Hunt to the other kids in the hospital.
3. “Each day is a new day to decide how you want to feel.” The arc of this line will reflect the changing attitude of the Child who we see at the start of the story is unhappy and depressed.
a. In MM # 2 when the Mother and Child are arguing about doing the treasure hunt, the mother will say this line to the child.
b. In MM # 6 the Child will repeat this line to herself when she feels weak, and we will see she starts each day saying it. But by Day 4, she starts to doubt it since she’s not feeling better.
c. In MM #7 the Child will repeat this line to her Mother even after she finds out the truth about her health. She will say it with determination in her eyes, like she really believes it.
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Brenda’s Height of the Emotion – Assignment 1
What I learned doing this assignment is this is a good technique to try and come up with a profound line. My screenplay is not written, so I had to imagine what the character would say in the scene. I can see using this technique after the screenplay is written when a writer tries to make sure every line of dialogue reflects the character. You could look at the emotional scenes for each character and make sure the dialogue reflects how the character would say it and if the line reflected the meaning of the scene.
What are the five most emotional moments in my story structure?
1. When the daughter tells the mother the broken doll is me – the emotion in the scene is the daughter is angry at the mother. The essence of the scene is the child feels broken.
a. “I’m like this doll – she doesn’t work right.”
2. When the uncle/brother talks to the child and tells her to do the treasure hunt with her mother – The child is desperate to leave the hospital and wants the uncle to talk to the mother. The essence of the scene is the uncle wants to tell the child but can’t.
a. “Sometimes the best thing in life is too just follow the plan.”
3. When the nurse and the mother talk about the child – the women are in competition for the child’s affection. The essence of the scene is the mother tells the nurse to leave her child alone.
a. “I’m her mother. I birthed her and I’m the one who will bury her.”
4. When the brother confronts his sister about the child – the brother wants his sister to tell the daughter the truth about what’s going on with her, the emotion is love the brother feels for his sister and his niece.
a. “She needs to hear the truth so she can decide her own future.”
5. When the child tells the mother to admit she stayed away because you were ashamed of me – the emotion is shame.
a. “You stayed away because I’m not your perfect little girl anymore.”
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Brenda Delivers Irony!
What I learned doing this assignment is I didn’t think I had any irony built into my story, but it turns out I had more irony built into my story than I thought. I’ve always thought of irony as two opposite experiences and I had to expand my definition of irony to see if it was already present in my story and to create new ones.
1. The Insight is you need to tell the truth about your situation instead of trying to hide it. This irony was already built into my story because the mother hid the truth of why she was away from her daughter who is in the hospital. The mother felt that she didn’t want to burden the child with their financial situation, which she thought would prevent the child from getting better. Her plan had the opposite effect since the child assumed her mother didn’t love her which resulted in depression for the child and worsened her condition.
2. The Insight is the you can find treasure anywhere even in a hospital. This irony was already built into the story. The mother agreed to create the treasure hunt for the child thinking it would be an activity would be the last thing she ever did with her daughter. But at the end of the story, the treasure hunt becomes the activity that prolongs the child’s life.
3. The Insight is when you reach out to others, you learn that they can help you feel that you’re not alone. The child kept to herself and thought she wasn’t like other sick children, and if she was friends with them she would be more depressed. The irony, which was in the story, is that when the child reached out to the other children and started to make friends she realized that she was becoming happier. Being friends with the other children lifted her depression.
4. The Insight is Not getting what you want can be a good thing. The child asked the mother to invite her uncle, the mother’s brother, to participate in the treasure hunt. The child thought the uncle would take her side, as he often did in the past, and manipulate the mother. The irony is the child’s action had the opposite effect. The uncle did not take her side and encouraged the child to continue the treasure hunt. This irony needs to have more emphasis, since it was already built into the story. This child’s action can be used to create backstory for the child into the relationship dynamics between the mother, the uncle, and the child. The uncle saying NO then will end up becoming a bigger deal in the story when the child realizes she is on her own with her mother.
5. The Insight is A challenge / competition can be a good thing. I had the nurse in competition with the mother for the child’s affection. I think I need to have a scene where the mother and nurse get into an argument, with the mother realizing on a deeper level that she needs to be more honest with her daughter. The nurse’s action was trying to separate the mother from the child, but it will have the opposite effect of bringing the two closer together since the mother will be inspired by the nurse trying to tell the truth, and realizing she needs to the same with her daughter but in a different way.
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Brenda Delivers Insights Through Conflict
What I learned doing this assignment is I had more conflict built into my structure than I thought. This assignment opened my eyes to what conflict is, which is something I thought was always missing in my scripts. The conflicts were always there in my previous scripts, but I didn’t see them as conflicts so I didn’t emphasize or try to resolve them.
Five Different Ways to Deliver Insights Through the Conflict
1. The Mother Character and her brother argue about whether to tell the Child the truth about her illness. The mother refuses and the conflict uncovers the secret that the mother is afraid that if the Child knew she was dying she would give up on living. The insight is you have to face the truth about death.
2. The Mother Character and the Nurse are in competition for the Child’s affection. The conflict uncovers the truth that both women have a different view of how to face death. The Mother thinks a person needs to cherish every moment before death because death is not certain, while the Nurse feels that death is something to be prepared for as an eventuality. The insight is there is more than one way to face death.
3. The Child and Mother are in conflict in the beginning of the story through the Child’s verbal abuse with her mother with her constant sarcastic comments. The conflict uncovers the issue that the Child thinks the mother is ashamed of her for being ill and doesn’t want to see her which explains the mother’s absence from her life. The insight is the mother needed to tell the truth to the child about her situation instead of trying to hide it all.
4. The Mother is in a constant dilemma throughout the story about how to talk to her daughter about her illness. This conflict delivers the insight that death can be faced with truth and love.
5. The Child gets into arguments with the other Children in the recreation room as a way to keep herself apart from other children. The conflict uncovers the emotional issue that the child doesn’t want to think she’s like other children in the hospital and that she’s not as sick as they are, and she has nothing to learn from them. The conflict delivers the insight that when we reach out to others we learn from their experiences.
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Brenda Turns Insights into Action – Assignment 2
What I learned doing this assignment is action is a great way to deliver insights into a movie.
New Ways and the Actions that will Express Them
1. The New Way – The Child talks to the Mother character in a way that is more respectful and kind. For example, the Mother would make a suggestion to the Child and the Child would answer the mother with a sarcastic comment in her old way. When the Mother suggests something to the Child, the new action would be the Child would say “Good idea” or “Thank you.”
2. The New Way – The Child is more open to being friends with the other children in the hospital. In the opening scenes we the Child in the recreation area with the other children and keeping to herself, and not being very friendly when other children spoke to her which is her old way. In the New Way Action, we now see the Child trying to be more friendly with the other children and when she sees a new kid in the recreation room she will welcome her to the group.
3. The New Way – Instead of waking up and dreading the day, we will see the child wake up with a smile and seem very excited to start the day. In her old way, the Child is depressed in the opening scene and is sullen and angry which is her old way. Throughout the movie, we will see the child’s attitude about waking up changing.
4. The New Way – The child doesn’t have a fit anymore when she doesn’t get her way. We see that whenever the child doesn’t get her way, she has a tantrum. We will see the child experiencing setbacks and her attitude towards them will change to where she doesn’t throw a tantrum, and will instead brainstorm ideas on how to solve the problem.
5. The New Way – after the Treasure Hunt, the child tells the mother that she wants to create a new treasure hunt for the children in the hospital so they could have fun. In her old way, the Child couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital. Her New way will show the child wanting to stay in the hospital and bringing the same kind of joy she experienced from the Treasure hunt to other children.
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Brenda’s Seabiscuit Analysis – Assignment 1
What I learned doing this assignment is profound moments in a movie seem to come from:
– when a line is said by a character that reflects something that happened to that character, and we as a audience can understand what the character feels;
– when we see something in the scene that reflects what’s going between two characters that can’t be explained in so many words but only in action;
– when the scene shows us something that is opposite that happened to a character in previous scenes to provide the contrast between an old and new way of being;
– when we see a character being challenged to look at their old way of behavior and to judge whether that old behavior makes sense for their new reality;
– when a character is forced to confront their old way and to give up the old way since it is hold them back.
Profound Moments in SEABISCUIT
1. “you don’t throw a whole life away just because you’re banged up a little” – This line was said by Tom Smith when he first met Charles Howard. Tom was talking about a horse he had who he saved from being shot. This was a profound moment in the movie for me because the line could have been said about both men in the scene. They’ve both been banged up a little and were down and out at this point in their life.
2. When Red Pollard first met Seabiscuit and said “I know, I know what you’re all about”. This moment was profound to me because I felt like Red saw the same things in Seabiscuit that he saw or knew about himself. Both the horse and man had become bitter and angry by their experiences in life.
3. When Charles Howard tells Red Pollard to eat and says “I’d rather have you strong than thin.” We had seen in earlier scenes that Red had to keep his weight at 115 pounds and that to keep at this weight, he would make himself throw up before being weighed at races. The look in Red’s eyes was shock. The people in his life had only cared that he weighed a certain weight, and not about anything else. This was a profound moment for me because it was such a contrast to an earlier scene with Red when his parents abandoned him in an earlier scene, and he felt like no one cared about him except as a jockey rider.
4. When Charles Howard asks Red “What are you so mad at”, and we get a flashback scene of the anger Red had for his parents and he wanted to throw the books his parents gave them over the bridge. We didn’t see this part in in the scenes in the movie, but it was obvious that his parents never called him. This was a profound for me because we got to see in that scene the flavor for the backstory of Red’s life, and how anger had ruled his life and most likely accounted for some of the bad luck in his life. But we also saw Red remember what his father told him, that he had a gift for racing horses.
5. “You don’t throw a whole life away just because it’s banged up a little bit” – This line from Charles Howard came after Tom the trainer found out Red was blind. The line is an echo back to when Tom and Charles first met, and Tom said to Charles the same line about his white horse. Charles Howard took a chance on Tom and hired him as his trainer even though he’d been banged up a little bit by life. This was a profound moment for me because we see in Tom’s expression that he realized that he needed to give Red the same chance that Charles had given to him.
6. When Charles Howard is talking about Red riding in the race with Marcela his wife, and said “he could die”. This is profound moment for me because we can see that Charles has come to look at Red as his own son and is afraid Red could die like his son. Marcela convinces him to let Red ride Seabiscuit. We see Charles struggle with his fear and face his old ways which makes this scene very profound.
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Brenda’s Living Metaphors
What I learned doing this assignment is I had more living metaphors in my story than I realized, and it is a great technique to show the old ways being challenged.
Should work, But Doesn’t Challenges
1. The Child Throws a fit, this is their old way to get what they want. But instead of getting what they want, the fit causes the child’s condition to worsen instead.
2. The Child resists the mother’s efforts to participate in the Treasure Hunt. This is their old way to get the mother to change her mind. But when the child finds out the staff at the hospital helped the mother create the treasure hunt, the Child reconsiders her decision.
3. The Child requests that her uncle join the treasure hunt. The Child often used the Uncle to take her side when she wanted the mother to change her mind about something. The Uncle doesn’t take the Child’s side so she is forced to keep going with the treasure hunt.
4. The Child’s old way is to ignore her body and pay attention to her health. During the Treasure Hunt, the Child feels weak and tired but doesn’t tell her mother or the staff. The Child is forced to acknowledge finally that there might be something more wrong with her.
5. The Child’s old way is to say or do mean things to her mother to express her hidden anger to her mother. When the mother doesn’t get upset at the mean things she does or says, the child is forced to confront her mother directly about any anger she is having.
Living Metaphor Challenges
1. The Child’s old way is to feel broken and her broken doll is living metaphor of how she feels. The mother fixes the broken doll to challenge the child’s old way.
2. The Child’s old way is to leave the hospital signifying that she is better health-wise. The mother uses the living metaphor of treasure hunt in the hospital to challenge the child’s ways of thinking about her health.
3. The Child’s old way is to think her mother doesn’t love her. The treasure hunt becomes a living metaphor because the treasure hunt shows the child how much the mother loves her and knows everything about her since it was designed to take into account all of the child’s favorite things.
4. The Child’s old way is to keep to herself which reinforces all the bad things she feels. Her friendship with the other children in the hospital become a living metaphor for the child to challenge everything she thinks because her conversations with the other children force her to compare her situation to theirs.
5. The Child’s nurse is a living metaphor to represent the old ways of coping with death. When the child rejects the ways of the nurse, it will represent the child giving up the old ways of thinking.
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Brenda’s Counterexamples
What I learned doing this assignment is I liked the Questioning, but in my story I think these are going to be hard to come by in the story. I really like the Counterexamples because I think you can come up with several different ways to show a counterexample to a belief system. Because my child is young, counterexamples might be the best way to show a challenge. I didn’t have the child talking to other children in the hospital in my story, but when I did this exercise I realized that the child character talking to other children is good way to show counterexamples to her belief system. I think it’s also a good way to show the child changing, since I can show her as not being friendly with other children at the start of the story and then have the child reaching out and finally making friends in the hospital. The physical change will lead to child’s beliefs being challenged when she talks to other children.
Five Question Challenges to an Old Way
1. The child tells the mother that she’s broken like her doll.
a. The mother takes the doll and fixes it. Then she takes the child to visit the other children in hospital, and asks the child if they’re broken too.
2. The child tells the mother she’s always unhappy.
a. The mother accompanies the child to the playground and they play like old times and have a good time. The mother asks the child if she’s happy now.
3. The child accuses the mother of not loving her because she stayed away.
a. The mother tells the child that her work trips paid for her hospital stay and however long she’ll need to be in the hospital. She also has enough money to stop if she needed to, which is what she is doing now. The mother asks the child if she still thinks the mother doesn’t love her.
4. The child treats her mother cruelly sometimes.
a. The doctor and uncle ask the child if she’s having a good time with her mother? The child answers yes, and they ask her separately why she feels the need to challenge her mother and is always sarcastic with her.
5. The child does not have long to live.
a. The mother talks to the child and tells her beliefs about one’s health affects her physically. The mother asks the child how has she been feeling since the treasure hunt, and the child says she feels great.
Five Counterexamples to an Old Way
1. The child accuses the mother of not loving her because she stayed away.
a. The child talks to another child about their mothers, and hears how her friend’s mother is always around but the friend doesn’t think her mother loves her because she keeps telling the child what to do.
2. The child feels lonely.
a. The child tells another child she always feels lonely, and the other child says she doesn’t feel lonely because of her friendship with her.
3. The mother doesn’t love the child and know anything about her
a. The child realizes that the mother designed the treasure hunt so she could do things she’s always wanted to do.
4. The child doesn’t have long to live.
a. The child meets another child on the treasure hunt, who tells her everyone expected her to die two years ago. When she asks the child why she didn’t die, the other child said she was too happy to die and didn’t want to leave her parents.
5. A treasure hunt in the hospital is stupid.
a. The Hospital treasure hunt turns out to be more than the child expected when she discovers things she didn’t know about or were there.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Brenda Riolo.
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Brenda’s Old Ways Challenge Chart
What I learned doing this assignment is I have a general idea of how the old ways are challenged, but I still need to flesh out the details for the story. I want to make sure that the mother character does not make the child feel wrong for her behavior or the emotions, the way the Henry Fonda character did in the “12 Angry Men” script. I want the mother to never say “you shouldn’t be feeling that wat” to the child, and treat the child like an adult. All other jurors in the movie made assumptions about why characters said the things they did and voiced them out loud to make them feel wrong about the way they voted. The Henry Fonda character never did that. He treated each juror as an adult who was entitled to their feelings, and insisted only that they discuss the evidence in the trial.
Old Ways
1. The child character is lonely and depressed.
2. The child character thinks her mother doesn’t love her.
3. The mother is always away on treasure hunting trips.
4. The child character feels damaged and broken inside and out.
5. The child character does not feel a part of her mother’s life.
6. The child acts and treats her mother cruelly sometimes.
7. The child does not have long to live.
Challenge for the Old Ways
Old Way # 1 – The child character finds herself happier some of the time, with the depression lifting.
Old Way # 2 – The child character comes to realize that her mother loves her through their treasure hunt.
Old Way # 3 – The mother gives up her next trip to spend time with her daughter.
Old Way # 4 – The child character begins to see their feeling as normal given her illness, and not because she’s broken and damaged.
Old Way # 5 – With the treasure hunt, the child realizes her mother knows everything about her and has been keeping tabs on her while she’s away.
Old Way # 6 – The child offers to help the mother out with the planning, and doesn’t always put her down.
Old Way # 7 – The child lives longer than anyone expected.
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Brenda’s 12 Angry Men Analysis
What I learned doing this assignment is that the writer had the Henry Fonda character never said anyone was wrong, and instead just laid out the things that he had doubts about and then he had the other jurors discuss them. In the process of discussing them, the doubts came out about the evidence presented in court and the reason why the jurors had voted that way. For a few of the jurors, they voted Guilty because of their own prejudices or emotional issues in their own lives. I liked the way the way the writer ended the movie since they didn’t beat you over the head with the point of the movie. The movie asked the audience to decide along with the jurors whether the kid was guilty so the audience could decide for themselves if the men in the jury were right to doubt the evidence presented to them.
Prejudice “They are born liars” – Challenge one of the jurors starts ranting about the kid’s race and the other jurors stand up and won’t listen to him; the juror who said complained about the boy’s grammar is corrected for this grammar by another juror for his grammar
Assumption of guilt – “slums are breeding grounds for children” Challenge – one of the jurors grew up in a slum-like environment
Assuming the witnesses were accurate the woman’s testimony – Challenge “You don’t believe him, but you believe the woman” “do people always tell the truth”, how could the old man hear the boy yell with the loud train going by? One of the jurors said how the old man be confused, and then he shows he’s confused by all the evidence by repeating the wrong evidence, how could the woman have seen the boy without her glasses
Assuming the evidence is not questionable – the knife – Challenge – The questioning juror went to the boy’s neighborhood and bought the same knife”;
Not looking beneath the surface Challenge -the questioning juror showed that even not under stress one of the jurors couldn’t remember what movie he had seen and who was in it.
Not caring – no one cares about this trial- Challenge “doing the secret ballot”, one of the jurors talked about a fair trial is one of best things about democracy and that’s why he wanted to emigrate to America.
Assuming the defense attorney did his job = Challenge – the defense attorney was appointed, one of the jurors said you could tell the defense attorney didn’t care about his client
Assuming the case is completely logical the boy was caught coming back to the apartment, how the boy stabbed his father- Challenge – Why did the boy come back to his apartment if he was guilty? The angle of the knife was wrong if the boy was using a switchblade knife
Just want this over – some of he jurors kept saying this over and over again – Challenge – the Henry Fonda character doesn’t want to send a kid to this death without discussion, and other jurors start to agree.
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Brenda’s Profound Ending
What I learned doing this assignment is I need to create intrigue / setups so there can be more payoffs. I have a few, but I think this area needs to be strengthened. I also haven’t decided on the ending scene yet, but I created one for this assignment that I like. I have a few more ideas for the ending, and I will pick the one that will deliver the profound truth in the most powerful way.
1. What is your Profound Truth and how will it be delivered powerfully in your ending?
Profound Truth – Love Heal All Hurts
Ending – The mother and child create a treasure hunt for the other children in the hospital, the child lives much longer than expected and is shown a volunteer in the same hospital. She also writes a book about her Treasure Hunt experience with her mother.
2. How do your lead characters (Change Agent and Transformable Characters) come to an end in a way that represents the completed change?
The Child, the Transformable Character, is shown as someone who is happy and lives much longer than expected. She works as a volunteer in the same hospital to help other children the way her mother helped her deal with her illness. The child’s old ways were that she was unhappy and very lonely.
The mother, the Change Agent, writes books about her adventures so she can spend more time with her daughter and supports in all her activities. The mother’s old ways were that she was always away on trips and didn’t want to spend much time with her daughter.
3. What are the setup/payoffs that complete in the end of this movie, giving it deep meaning?
Answers to: Why the mother is always away which only started when the child got sick, what’s going on health-wise for the child, why the nurse made disparaging comments about the treasure hunt, why the mother picked a treasure hunt,
Need to add to opening a little more intrigue using interest techniques.
4. How are you designing it to have us see an inevitable ending and then making it surprising when it happens?
We think the child is going to die, but she lives much longer than expected because her change in attitude has made her stronger and happier. The child as she grows up becomes an inspiration for other children dealing with illness and she writes a book about her own experience that becomes a bestseller among terminally ill patients young and old.
5. What is the Parting Image/Line that leaves us with the Profound Truth in our minds?
The parting image is going to be the funeral for the child. We’re going to see her best friend talking about the child and what she learned with reference to how life is a treasure hunt, and riches can be found anywhere even in death.
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Brenda’s Connection with the Audience
What I learned doing this assignment is I need to build in more Likability for the Child Character, since I don’t feel that the Child character is likable enough. I also need more likability for the Mother Character since this section is lacking as well. When I look at the four ways an audience connects with the audience, I didn’t realize that likability was such an important component. But it makes sense because I’ve watched movies and TV shows where I didn’t like the character at all, and my dislike of the character or characters made me less interested in the TV show or movie in some cases spoiled the story for me.
1. Tell us which characters you are going to INTENTIONALLY create a connection with the audience.
The Child – the Transformable character and the Mother the Change character
2. With each character, tell us how you’ll use each of the four ways of connecting with the audience in the first 30 minutes of the movie.
The Child
a. Relatability – The child is in the hospital and is sick and doesn’t like it. The child is us.
b. Intrigue – We know the child is sick, but we don’t know if the child’s illness is fatal. There is some intrigue about why the child wants a treasure hunt, which will be paid off later when we find out the mother is a professional treasure hunter.
c. Empathy – There is empathy for the child character because the child is an unfortunate situation. No young child should be spending long periods of time in a hospital.
d. Likability – The child is liked by her nurse.
The Mother
a. Relatability – The Mother is a parent to a sick child. The Mother is also us if the audience member is a parent or knows someone in a similar situation.
b. Intrigue – We don’t know why the mother is away from the child, and we’ll find that out in the script. We are also interested in how the mother intends to have a treasure hunt in a hospital.
c. Empathy – There is empathy for the Mother character because she is in a difficult situation – she’s a single working mother with a very sick child.
d. Likability – The Mother is liked by the Doctor
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Brenda’s Transformational Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is I have a basic structure down that I think make sense, and now I have to fill in the details. The Mini Movie method forced me to review my story to make sure that it fit into a structure that was entertaining, and I was able to add more details. Still not sure if this is the final structure for the story, but I like what I’ve gotten so far.
1. Transformational Journey Logline: A depressed and lonely dying child begs his professional treasure hunter mother to take her on a treasure hunt, and they both discover that treasure and love can be found even in a hospital.
2. The Change Agent is the mother. The Transformable Character is the child. The Emotional Gradient is Desired change – the mother character wants to take her child’s request for a treasure hunt and use it so she can help the child rediscover happiness so they can face death together as a family.
3. MM #1 – Status Quo and Call to Adventure
The child is in the hospital, it’s an ordinary day with medical tests and playing with other children in the hospital. The mother receives a call from the hospital and the tests show the child’s condition is worsening. The mother flies home to visit the child and the child begs the mother to take her on a treasure hunt. The mother meets with the hospital staff about the child’s request. The mother tells the child they are going on a treasure hunt in the hospital.
The Emotion is Excitement for the child, the transformable character.
The Change Agent is the mother.
The old ways is the child is depressed and lonely.
The Vision is the child will be happy and not feel alone.
Challenge: The treasure hunt has to take place in the hospital
Weakness: the child is too sick to travel but doesn’t know it.
MM #2 – Locked into Conflict
The child is upset by not being able to leave the hospital, throws a fit, and experiences a health downturn. The child recovers. The mother tells the child that while she was ill, the hospital staff helped her to create the treasure hunt. The child at first resists but decides to participate since the staff and her mother spent so much time on it.
The Emotion is Doubt.
Old ways: Being sick and distrustful of the mother.
Challenge: The child thinks her mother is too embarrassed by her:
Weakness: the child believes her illness has made her mother not love her and that’s why she’s been away a lot.
MM #3 – Hero tries to solve the problem but fail.
The treasure hunt her mother devised feels like a real hunt, and the whole hospital is involved. The child starts to respond more positively with her mother. The child asks her mother if they’ll leave the hospital at some point, and the mother doesn’t respond, and the child shuts down again.
The Emotion is hope.
New ways- the child appears happy and less morose, and gets along better with her mother.
Challenge: the child still thinks that they will leave the hospital at some point in the treasure hunt
Weakness: the child still believes that she will be well enough to leave the hospital
MM #4 – Hero forms a new plan. Turning Point: Plan backfires.
The child decides to be more open to the treasure hunt after discussion with her mother. The child asks if her uncle can participate. The mother calls her brother and tells him what’s going on. The brother shows up and the child is pleased. They find the first treasure and the mother decides to have a party. The mother and her brother argue about telling the child the truth about her condition, and the mother refuses. The nurse makes disparaging comments about the treasure hunt and tells the child she’ll never leave the hospital.
The Emotion is Discouragement.
Challenge: the child begins to doubt that treasure can be found in a hospital and she’ll never leave there
Weakness: the child feels depression coming on and feelings of not being worth anything.
MM #5 – Hero Retreats and Turning Point: The decision to change.
The child reaches out to her uncle and has a talk with her doctor and other staff. After these discussion the child decides to keep going with the treasure hunt with an open mind and to figure out what her mother wanted her to experience. The child tells the nurse that she’ll leave the hospital one day soon.
The emotion is courage.
Challenge: doing the treasure hunt with an open mind so she can spend as much time with her mother as possible Weakness – the child begins to think that she will get better and conquer her illness
MM #6 – The hero’s bigger, better plan and Turning Point: The ultimate failure.
The child fully participates in the treasure hunt her mother created and discovers there are real treasures in the hospital after all. The child realizes she is not getting better and starts to feel weaker every day. She wonders if there is something her mother isn’t telling her.
Challenge: Keeps enthusiasm up and ignores her body.
Weakness: Feeling tired from the treasure hunt.
MM #7 – Crisis and Climax and Turning Point: Apparent victory.
The child asks the mother to tell her the truth, and talks about what she’s been experiencing health-wise. In the middle of this discussion, the child experiences a relapse and is unconscious for a day. The child recovers and She and her mother have a heart to heart chat with what’s really going on with her health. The child realizes that she wants to spend the rest of her trying to find the treasure and happiness every day.
The emotion is Triumph.
Challenge: The child realizes they might be sicker than they thought
Weakness: Relapse from the illness
MM #8 – New Status Quo
The child and her mother create another treasure hunt for the other children in the hospital. The child is happier and is bonding more with the other sick children. The mother gives her child a diary so she can record all the good things she is experiencing. The mother and child are closer than ever.
Montage of the child’s life after this experience. The child is able to go to school. She volunteers at the hospital where she was staying and creates treasure hunts for the children when she is in high school. The child writes a book about her treasure hunt experience with her mother. The child goes on a book signing tour. The child wins an inspiration award. Final scene – funeral for the child who lived much longer than anyone expected and was an inspiration to many sick children around the world.
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Brenda’s Three Gradients
What I learned doing this assignment is after doing this assignment, I’m still not sure how I want to end it. The story is fictional and I think I could end it happy or sad, but whatever ending I choose I feel that the characters need to earn that ending and I’m looking forward to see what happens at the end.
1. What is the Emotional Gradient you’ll use? Desired change – the mother character wants to take her child’s request for a treasure hunt and use it so she can help the child rediscover happiness so they can face death together as a family.
A. Emotion: Excitement
B. Action: The child’s mother arrives to visit her in the hospital. She agrees to take the child on a treasure hunt.
C. Challenge – The treasure hunt has to take place in the hospital / Weakness – the child is too sick to travel but doesn’t know it.
A. Emotion: Doubt
B. Action: The child is upset by not being able to leave the hospital, throws a fit, and experiences a health downturn.
C. Challenge – The child thinks her mother is too embarrassed by her / Weakness – the child believes her illness has made her mother not love her and that’s why she’s been away a lot.
A. Emotion: Hope
B. Action: The treasure hunt her mother devised feels like a real hunt, and the whole hospital is involved. The child starts to respond more positively with her mother.
C. Challenge – the child still thinks that they will leave the hospital at some point in the treasure hunt / Weakness – the child still believes that she will be well enough to leave the hospital
D. Emotion: Discouragement
E. Action: The nurse makes disparaging comments about the treasure hunt and tells the child she’ll never leave the hospital. The nurse is like a second mother to the child.
F. Challenge – the child begins to doubt that treasure can be found in a hospital and she’ll never leave there / Weakness – the child feels depression coming on and feelings of not being worth anything.
G. Emotion: Courage
H. Action: Despite her illness, the child fully participates in the treasure hunt her mother created and discovers there are real treasures in the hospital after all.
I. Challenge – doing the treasure hunt with an open mind so she can spend as much time with her mother as possible / Weakness – the child begins to think that she will get better and conquer her illness
J. Emotion: Triumph / Loss
K. Action: The child has another relapse and grows weaker. She and her mother have a heart to heart chat with what’s really going on with her health. The child realizes that she wants to spend the rest of her trying to find the treasure and happiness every day.
L. Challenge – The child realizes they might be sicker than they thought / Weakness – Relapse from the illness
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Brenda’s Assignment 4B
1. What is the change this movie is about? To have the audience feel that they need to make the most of every day and every opportunity and not themselves be held back by tradition and conformity
What is the Transformational Journey of this movie? An unconventional teacher who is a former alumni at a boy’s prep school teaches through the study of poetry that his students need to “carpe diem” or seize the day and make the most of their lives to make their mark on society.
2. Lead characters:
– Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change? John Keating. He is an alumni of this school, so he knows how the student are thought to think so he is the right character to teach the boys how to think differently.
– Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey? The transformable characters are a group of boys in his class, and they listen to what he has to say and show during the movie how they are going to the make of their opportunity. The one boy who makes the most change is Todd Anderson. He is new to the school but he knew about the school through his older brother, who graduated the year before as Valedictorian of his class. Out of all the boys, Todd showed the most change although all the boys changed and demonstrated what happened to them once they accepted the change.
– What is the Oppression? The oppression is the school which prides itself on passing tradition and discipline to its students so they get into Ivy league schools, which is at the time of the and still is the height of academic achievement.
3. How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story? Each boy in the story is on brink of adulthood and so the audience can relate to that age group. Each boy’s transformational journey is also different so different members of audience can a pick a boy to relate to and follow their journey. There is also a creative use of bird imagery in the movie to reinforce the theme of teaching conformity to the boys. Flocks of birds are seen flying in harmony and together, and one is reminded of the book “Jonathan Livingston Seagull” where a bird decided he was more than just a bird. This book reference might be some type of Easter Egg/homage.
4. Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.”
Identify their old way: Todd is a quiet boy at the start of the movie. He’s new, he doesn’t like to talk. When he writes the phrase “carpe diem” on a piece of paper and tears it up we know he doesn’t believe he can make the most of his life.
Identify their new way at the conclusion: At the end of the movie, he is the one who tells the truth to Mr. Keating about what happened, he is the one who openly grieved when they found out Neil died. He found his voice and the courage to not conform and stand up for what he believes in.
5. What is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing?
Todd starts out as a quiet student since he’s new and he doesn’t speak up in class.
Todd was excited by what Mr. Keating was saying but he didn’t believe it was possible for him.
He tried to write poems but he tore them up thinking he couldn’t write poetry.
Mr. Keating helped Todd in class to see that he could write poetry and the boys clapped for him in class.
He lets Neil persuade him to destroy the gift his parents gave him. This scene was symbolic of Todd throwing away the chains of tradition.
When Todd finds out Neil has died, he openly shows his grief.
At the end when Mr Keating leaves, he speaks up with joy and is not afraid.
6. How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?
Todd’s lack of self-confidence is challenged when Mr Keating makes him be creative during the class and the boys in the class applaud his creativity.
Todd is not happy on his birthday when his parents send him the same gift he received the previous year. Neil shows him how to take that opportunity and make it a happy moment by destroying the gift. Neil is able to express how he feels through action.
When Mr Keating walks into the class at the end, and the teacher is teaching the same thing Mr. Keating told the boys to ignore when understanding poetry, Todd is challenged to speak up about what Mr Keating taught him and he recognizes Mr. Keating through his actions in teaching him to understand poetry and life in a different way. Todd’s sense of self confidence is challenged, and he is able to physically demonstrate that he fully integrated Mr Keating’s teachings into his heart and mind.
7. What are the most profound moments of the movie?
When Neil helps Todd destroy his parent’s birthday gift.
When we see that Todd can actually compose a poem even though he said he couldn’t.
When Todd finds out Neil died and is able to express his grief.
When Knox ends up getting the cheerleader to go to the play with him.
8. What are the most profound lines of the movie?
Mr Keating
No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.
So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don’t use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys – to woo women – and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do.
9. How does the ending payoff the setups of this movie? At the end of the movie, Todd who was the most quiet of the boys and who through his actions didn’t buy “carpe diem”, has a carpe diem moment and seizes the opportunity when they last see Mr. Keating to tell him the truth and let him be recognized as a teacher who taught him some valuable lessons about poetry and about life.
10. What is the Profound Truth of this movie? Speaking your truth gives you courage and has the ability to right a wrong that has been done.
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Day 4A Assignment
Brenda’s Lead Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is I didn’t know about the Betraying character, and it made really think about my story on a deeper level. In real life, everyone has someone in their life who is this character either because they can’t keep up with the changes or who are held back through their fears or other life circumstances. The Betraying Character makes the story more realistic and adds to conflict in the story.
1. Transformational Journey Logline: A depressed and lonely dying child begs his professional treasure hunter mother to take him on a treasure hunt, and they both discover that treasure and love can be found even in a hospital.
2. The Change Agent is the mother. Since it’s her child she feels guilty that her child is depressed and lonely, and she feels obligated to make the child’s final days happy ones. Her vision is life is a miracle and a joy, and before the child became ill she knew her child thought of life that way. Her goal in the story is to bring the child back to the way he was.
3. The Transformable Character is the child. The story is told from the child’s point of view. I thought of originally making the child a boy, but I’m going to change the child to be a girl because I think there is more room for dramatic conflict for a girl child such as mother/daughter jealousy, seeing yourself in your own child, as a mother you’re supposed to creating a better generation of female in your child and you haven’t so there is guilt because you’ve passed down your neuroses and other bad habits, etc. It’s the child who has to transform to face their last days in peace.
4. The oppression is disease the child is dying from, and society’s view of death and how it should be treated.
5. The Betraying Character is the nurse who takes care of the child and has in effect become the substitute parent. I think there will be some jealousy when the mother comes up with the hospital treasure hunt, and the nurse will sabotage the mother’s efforts. The child will feel betrayed because the nurse was the substitute parent, and has now become the enemy of sorts. It’s not that the nurse doesn’t see life is a miracle and joy, but in her line of work she has become jaded and wants her patients to face death with realistic eyes. The mother character has a more optimistic point of view, and believes one should face death thinking every moment is a miracle.
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Brenda’s Transformational Journey
What I learned doing this assignment is I wasn’t sure who the transformable character was in my story, and this assignment helped me choose one over the other. So I’m choosing one at this point, but I think both characters have a transformational journey in the story. I think the young son is a bit more dramatic for me at this point. I’m kind thinking my story idea may be a bit too complicated for a screenplay, but I’d like to see if I can make it simple so it’s easier to tell on screen.
1. Tell us your logline for the transformational journey. A depressed and lonely dying child begs his professional treasure hunter mother to take him on a treasure hunt, and they both discover that treasure and love can be found even in a hospital.
2. Tell us what you see as the Old Ways. The young boy is lonely and depressed. He doesn’t think his single mother loves him because he’s sick and because she’s always away on treasure hunting gigs. He feels damaged and broken inside and out and not a part of his mother’s life because of his illness. He acts out and treats his mother cruelly sometimes because he knows he’s supposed to love her but he can’t right now.
3. Tell us what you see as the New Ways. The young boy begins to treat his mother with kindness. He begins to understand her as a person, and why she keeps so busy. He learns that there isn’t anything wrong with him other than his illness. He and his mother learn to love each other.
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Brenda’s First Three Decisions
What I learned doing this assignment is the story concept I came up with a year ago had a different message than what I thought this story was going to be about and mean. I thought the profound truth in the my story was going to be something along the lines of not taking anything for granted, but it morphed into a different truth which makes so much more sense for the story about a mother and her dying child. I also learned that there is a metaphor I built into this story unwittingly.
1. What is your profound truth? Love can heal all hurts.
2. What is the change your movie will cause with an audience? After seeing the movie, the audience will call someone they love that they’ve been estranged from and tell them how much they love them. (Like a killer share, I’ve seen it happen. I shared an experience in a seminar and three people came up to them and told me they called a loved one whom they’ve been estranged from for years and told that person they love them.)
3. What is your Entertainment Vehicle that you will tell this story through? The world is a fatal illness and includes the metaphor of a treasure hunt.
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Brenda’s Analysis of Groundhog Day
What I learned doing this assignment is that the change agent can be someone who doesn’t know they’re going to change the character, and they don’t have to have a big part. Rita was just reacting to all the changes that Phil was going through, and her “casual” comment is what caused him to change.
I also like how the writers made Phil a likable character because he’s really not a likable character in the beginning of the movie. He’s the Alice character from Wonderland or the Dorothy character in the Wizard of Oz, who is a jerk, and the audience gets to go with him on this journey of “falling down the rabbit hole or getting whisked away to Oz in a tornado”. We don’t like him at first but we feel sorry for him because he’s in extraordinary circumstances. Then when Phil starts to explore what his world is really like, we relate to him because he’s doing all the things we might do. The audience lives vicariously through Phil’s journey, and that sucks the audience into being able to relate to Phil.
1. What is the CHANGE this movie is about?
For the audience, if we could see the consequences of our actions on ourselves and people, we would change them for the better.
What is the Transformational Journey of this movie?
A self-centered TV weather forecaster has to live the same day over and over again so he can see experience the effects of his attitude on life and other people
2. Lead characters:
– Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change?
Rita Hanson is the change agent and she is the right character because Phil wants to be with her, and he has to change to have her fall in love with him.
– Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey?
Phil Connors is the transformable character and he’s the right character because he starts out as a unlikeable character, so he has much to learn from this journey.
– What is the Oppression? Phil’s self-centeredness.
3. How are we lured into the profound journey?
What causes us to connect with this story? We go on this journey because of the plot device of living the same day over and over again. It’s intriguing and allows the audience to on a what if journey with the main character. Phil explores what it would be like from taking advantage of it and having fun, to getting depressed about it, and finally to using the day as an adventure to learn new things.
4. Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.”
Identify their old way: Phil is a self-centered TV newscaster who only thinks about himself, is sarcastic and rude to people, and who thinks the town is the full of backwards people.
Identify their new way at the conclusion: Phil has become a kind and caring person who now wants to live in the town forever.
5. What is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing?
a. Phil tried to tell Rita but she doesn’t believe him.
b. Phil then tested his situation to see if it was true and found he could anything he wanted, so he went a crime spree.
c. Phil then used to his advantage to sleep with all the attractive women in the town.
d. Phil then tries to hook up with Rita and it works, but then it fails over and over again and he falls in love with her in the process of spending so much with her.
e. Phil gets depressed about this situation and tries to kill himself over and over again.
f. Phil confides in Rita again and she suggests he try to see his new circumstances as a blessing
g. Phil changes and helps people.
h. Phil tries to help a homeless man and he dies every night, so he realizes that helping people doesn’t always change their future.
i. Phil forgets about Rita and is more interested in helping people and this change in his attitude attracts Rita to Phil. She now chases after him, and after not being concerned about hooking up with her he wakes up to a new day.
j. Phil and Rita are together and he tells he want to live in the town he once despised.
6. How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?
a. Phil’s self-centeredness leads him to take advantage of the his new situation and he has fun with it. But when he tries to seduce Rita he sees that his old way of taking advantage of his advance knowledge of her actions doesn’t work and she rejects him.
b. Phil tries to kill himself over and over again to not deal with situation hoping to escape the situation. But his belief that he could escape the situation by killing himself doesn’t work.
c. Phil changes and starts helping people thinking that’s all he has to do.
d. Phil tries to help a homeless man and has to come to grips that doing good things to people doesn’t always change their life, but you need to keep doing them anyway because it makes you feel good.
7. What are the most profound moments of the movie?
a. When Phil realizes that not having consequences to whatever he does is depressing and he tries to kill himself.
b. When the homeless man dies, and Phil realizes that he was helping people to still feed his own ego somehow and not just for the joy of helping people. He learned that he had to help people so he could feel good about what he was doing and be selfless, and not be attached to the consequences.
c. When Phil tells Rita he has more important things to do than to talk to her, as an audience you feel the depth of his change.
d. When we see Phil playing piano and feeling good about making people happy.
e. When see a humble Phil at the party and not an egocentric Phil.
8. What are the most profound lines of the movie?
Phil: The worst part is that tomorrow you will have forgotten all about this…and you’ll treat me like a jerk again.
Phil: I’ve killed myself so many times, I don’t even exist anymore.
Rita: I don’t know, Phil. Maybe it’s not a curse. It just depends on how you look at it.
Phil: No matter what happens tomorrow…or for the rest of my life…I’m happy now because I love you.
9. How does the ending payoff the setups of this movie?
a. The character setup of Phil as a selfish narcissistic person is paid off when we see and experience his character change.
b. The relationship between Phil and Rita which was setup when she rejected him was paid off when she’s the one who has to chase after him and they finally end up together when he’s changed his character.
10. What is the Profound Truth of this movie? A kind person ends up with love and so much more.
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My name is Brenda Riolo – you can find my on LinkedIn under “S Brenda Soriano” – my writing pseudonym. I’ve written 3 screenplays, and have taken a few ScreenwritingU courses. I’ve always wanted to take this course, and I’m happy that the timing worked out for me to finally take it.
The Matrix is on my Top 10 List of favorite movies. I’ve watched the Matrix probably over 20 times (owned the VCR, DVD, and digital versions), and have gotten into deep conversations with random folks about this movie. I want to learn a way to write a story/movie that had the same impact the Matrix movie had on me.
Something unique, special, strange or unusual about me – I had a few sessions with a well-known medical intuitive many years ago when I was battling a critical illness. My friend who had brain cancer found out about this intuitive in her cancer support group. If you want to find a great psychic, get a referral from folks who have faced death – they know the real ones versus the fakes based on whether the intuitive helped them to heal. Back to the story – during the course of our sessions she asked me participate in healing other folks around the world from different ailments which I didn’t have. I was very honored to be asked to participate and help other folks to heal worldwide. It was a profound experience for me.
Looking forward to participating in this course!
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Brenda J Riolo
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As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
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I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
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4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
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