[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Riveting titles
What I learned: This was kind of fun. I tried to keep the titles simple but say something about what was happening in the episode or season. Lots of metaphors kept jumping in my head. Then I read through trying to see if just the title was attention grabbing. The whole project feels like it’s more complete with the titles.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Using intriguing patterns.
What I learned doing this assignment: This took a while. Every time I think I get through it I find something else. Eventually I must do something else and come back or I find myself just editing instead of making it better. I’m also trying not to repeat myself in different parts of the bible such as the summary vs. the first season description. I can tell my bible has improved but I’m not sure I’m there yet.

[Brenda Boddy]

BRENDA BODDY – WRITING WITH INTRIGUE
WHAT I LEARNED: I AM CONTINUALLY IMPRESSED WITH THESE LESSONS. I AM STRIVING TO BE QUICKER AT JUST PUTTING THOUGHTS DOWN AND NOT TRYING TO EDIT THEM RIGHT NOW…HARD TO DO FOR A PERFECTIONIST. I DOWNLOADED A RECORDER AND AM PRACTICING THINKING ABOUT THE ASSIGNMENT I ‘M WORKING ON AND RECORDING MY ANSWERS THROUGHOUT THE DAY. I’VE STOPPED OBSESSING WHEN I HAVE TO SAY “MOVE TO THE NEXT ONE”.
Jewel is a Bortac agent who is also a serial killer.
• A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.
• JEWEL: AN EX-CAPTIVE OF A SEX RING WHO WORKED HER WAY UP THROUGH THE LAW RANKS TO BECOME A BORTAC AGENT. SHE ALSO WORKS UNDERCOVER FOR INTERNAL AFFAIRS, BUT JUSTICE IS CONVINCED THAT SHE HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE SERIAL KILLINGS THAT HAVE BEEN HAPPENING
• B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface. JEWEL IS AN EXCELLENT BORTAC AGENT AND UNDERCOVER INFORMANT FOR INTERNAL AFFAIRS. SHE WORKED HER WAY UP THE LAW CHAIN WITH FIERCE DETERMINATION, AFTER BEING RESCUED FROM CAPTIVITY BY A SEX TRAFFICING RING. NOW SHE’S IN A PLACE OF POWER. IS THIS EVIDENCE TO BE CONSIDERED NOW THAT A SERIAL KILLER IS ELIMINATING THE PIMPS IN THE AREA?
• C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc.. IS JEWEL A SERIAL KILLER? HOW COULD HER RISE TO POWER AS A BORTAC AGENT BE COVER?
• D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________. JUSTICE IS CONVINCED THAT JEWE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SERIAL KILLINGS, ELIMINATING LOCAL PIMPS AND GANG MEMBERS.
• E. But maybe it is all wrong. JUSTICE’S OLD-FASHIONED LAW TECHNIQUES CAST DOUBT ON HIS ACCUSATION THAT JEWEL IS A SERIAL KILLER. GUT INSTINCT FLYS IN THE FACE OF HARD EVIDENCE. DOES THIS MEAN HE’S WRONG? NOT NECESSARILY.
• F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences. WHAT STARTS BETWEEN JEWEL AND JUSTICE AS ANIMOSITY CHANGES TO ATTRACTION AS THEIR GOALS TO TAKE DOWN THE CARTEL FALL INTO ALLIGNMENT. CAN JUSTICE’S OLD-FASHIONED VALUE SYSTEM HANDLE A SERIAL KILLERS MEANS TO AN END?
• G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____. IF JEWEL IS A SERIAL KILLER, THAT MEANS JUSTICE HAS TO SUPPORT HER IN SPITE OF HIS CODE OF HONOR.
• H. State the mystery. WHY IS JEWEL A SERIAL KILLER? WHY IS JEWEL STALKING THE CARTEL? WHY IS JEWEL SO INTERESTED IN THE NEWS REPORTS OF A SERIAL KILLER?
• I. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse.
• J. Intense language. JEWEL: THE WORSE KIND OF SERIAL KILLER. ONE THAT’S BEEN IN THE VICTIMS SEAT.

CHARACTER DESCRIPTION:
JEWEL: BORTAC PARTNER
After being sex trafficked as a teen, Jewel has worked her way up the ladder of law enforcement to become a BORTAC agent, with a fierce desire to take control of her own destiny. Now she has an agenda. Why is she working undercover for Internal Affairs and why is Justice convinced she’s a serial killer? Is he wrong? Not necessarily.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – TV PITCH BIBLE INVESTIGATION:
What I learned: This assignment was huge in coming up with new ideas. However, when I went to add them to my different pages, I found myself going from characters to seasons to episodes trying to put my ideas in where I needed them and was doing that “try to get it perfect thing again”. I had to tell myself to just keep moving. PS. So thankful for these assignments that stimulate creative thought.

New ideas:
WHATS BENEATH THAT?
Miley thought her brother died in an accident.
Kenzie had an affair with Miley’s brother and Samantha is his, not Justices.
Justice’s predecessor killed Miley’s brother, which comes to light for internal affairs, who arrest Justice.

Tom, Justice’s boss, who he knew a century ago, is working for a secret government agency, who put a chip in Justice’s head. They are trying to change the personality of a human to be a more effective citizen.
Tom is swept into the portal that Justice came through and ends up in the past.

Rachel, from Paranormal Investigations convinces Samantha, Justice’s daughter to work with her and they snag him for testing. She’s the one who discovers he has a chip in his head.
Later, when Justice realizes the chip never worked and he did reincarnate, Rachel helps him find the portal that Tom disappears into.

Mason originally was seen as his friend who’s jealous of Justice, while Jewel is working undercover for Internal Affairs to investigate Justice. When she sides with Justice and backs him, we realize Mason was also working for Internal Affairs.
IF_________________________, THEN____________.
If the AI chips work, who benefits? The government. They want to create a race of perfect law enforcement. Or…they are planning a better race in case of nuclear war.

If Justice has a chip in his head, then who else might have one? Everyone. Each might have a different parameter that is being tracked. Or others in the community.

HOW COULD?
Miley’s family died within six months of each other. How could? One was an accident. Miley’s other brother had an affair with Kenzie and Justice’s predecessor killed him.
How could Tom be in the present when he was in the past: He falls into a portal and ends up in the past.
WHAT IF?
What if a disaster happens?
In season five, we now see nuclear war coming to the world. Everyone is in a race to get in pods. These could be sent into space or set underground. Justice and his team wake up in in post nuclear world. Or…
Justice wakes up to Elizabeth his wife from the past and had a nightmare about this.
HOW CAN IT GET WORSE?
Finding out Justice killed Miley’s brother is the proof Internal Affairs needs.
Justic must cross his own moral lines when he kills Cuervo who is a woman. Or kills an entire company of secret agents to stop the implantation of AI technology.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Show Summary
What I learned: The techniques we are being shown are exactly what I was wanting to learn and struggling with. I feel like my pilot has taken on new levels.
ORGANIZE:
Character we must watch Justice Baird and how he deals with his reincarnation into the future.
Major Empathy/Distress for character: He left his 4-year-old behind, and the body he is in was a corrupt BORTAC agent.
Concludes with an Extreme Dramatic Question: Why is there a chip in his head.

Set-up: Character’s normal situation: Justice is a corrupt, abusive man.
Twist/Hook: He dies and a moral, Texas ranger takes his place.
Real situation: Empathy/distress: He left a child behind. The Mexican cartel thinks he is working with them. Internal Affairs is investigating him. The Office of Paranormal Investigations wants to run tests on him. His boss looks exactly like someone in his own era and several members of his BORTAC team are operating under their own agenda. His abused family are plotting against hm.
Twist/Hook: He does what any law-abiding ranger would do…takes a deep breath and tackles the corruption he finds from his own century old standards inciting the cartel to go after him.
Impossible to solve conflict or mystery: He can heal, he doesn’t know how to get back home, and he doesn’t know why he’s here.
Final hook into the series – Extreme Dramatic Question: If he didn’t reincarnate…what is he?

BORTAC agent, Justice Baird, is living a life of luxury, paid for with corruption and abuse, while hidden behind the shield of his uniform. Until he dies.
Meet the new Justice Baird, a Texas ranger from 1908 who reincarnates into his body. This Justice Baird is moral and old-fashioned and has no clue how to operate as a partner in a BORTAC unit. And while he’s desperate to get back to his four-year-old kid, his hands are immediately full up with Internal Affairs investigating him, the Office of Paranormal Events wanting to run tests on him, his abused bi-racial family plotting against him, and the Mexican cartel treating him like a partner in their corruption.
Justice reacts to this new life like any century-old, red-blooded lawman who smokes and drink too much – he tackles the cartel head on, trying to right the wrongs of his predecessor. And while Justice discovers an ability to heal, he manages to incite a vendetta that threatens to take out his inherited family.
Justice needs to figure out his new reality quickly. Such as why he’s in the future and why his boss looks like someone from his past? And more importantly, what the hell does he have to do to get home?

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – List of episodes – rough draft
What I learned: I found myself struggling to get things perfect and had to keep reminding myself to just do the exercise and I’ll figure out the rest later.

EPISODE 1: The Awakening. A moral Texas ranger reincarnates into the body of a (Border Tactical) agent and discovers his predecessor was shipping women across the border. He incites the anger of the Mexican cartel when he attempts to stop their activity, his inherited bi-racial family are plotting against him, and Internal Affairs is investigating him. It is beyond enough when his daughter poisons him.

Episode 2: REPERCUSSIONS: Justice’s new ability to heal comes in handy when his wife shoots him but creates problems when the Office of Paranormal Investigations wants to begin testing on him. His boss looks exactly like someone from his past era, and he’s struggling to keep up with a team that uses modern technology and law practices. His team might be more help to him if one of his partners wasn’t a serial killer.

Episode 3: Justice and his team stop a shipment of women and arrest the son of the cartel boss. The cartel is out for revenge and Internal Affairs is closing in on Justice’s previous association with them. His wife and daughter try to leave town and are intercepted by the cartel, who kidnap them.

Episode 4: Justice and his team attempt to rescue the girls, but his daughter has managed to escape separately in the brush with several members of the cartel hot on her heels. In an old-fashioned shoot-out Justice manages to rescue his daughter. The wife is still missing, and he is instructed to meet with the cartel…alone. His wife for the son of the cartel.

Episode 5: Justice meets with the cartel who have set up a trap. His meeting has disastrous results, with Justice barely escaping with his life. His wife is still missing. Justice discovers she’s been sold on the black market.

Episode 6: The team uses new-age technology to find the location of Justice’s wife. In an interagency mission with the Mexican government, the team tries to rescue her. During a fierce firefight along with hand-to-hand combat, Justice kills the son of the cartel. He barely gets his wife home and settled when a firebomb blows in the side of his house.

Episode 7: The unit is called to defend a high-stakes hostage situation, which is a smoke screen for a money heist elsewhere. Justice discovers a partner has a hidden agenda against the cartel and joins forces to wipe the cartel out. Unfortunately, they are off grid with their unit when she is captured by the cartel.

Episode 8: Justice tries to rescue his partner himself. He doesn’t realize the cartel leader is a woman, which sets him up for capture himself. Angry at losing her son, this woman enjoys a slow torture on Justice.

Episode 9: In a turn of tables, Justice gets the upper hand on the cartel leader and kills her. He rescues his partner and engages in fierce fighting that gets them back on American soil. This gives Internal Affairs the opening they need to arrest and prosecute him.

Episode 10: A shadowy government agency steps in and secures Justice’s freedom. Justice realizes his boss is behind his release and his stories are not adding up. He breaks into his boss’s office and finds evidence that his boss if part of a conspiracy. Out on the streets, The Office of Paranormal Investigations grabs Justice and begins their own testing. They find that Justice did not reincarnate…He has an AI chip in his head.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Episode list rough draft
What I learned: Again, I had several ideas come to me. I am excited to learn the process of putting a season together. I know there are big gaps but I am starting to see a journey.
THE CHEAT SHEET
1. Beginning JUSTICE REINCARNATES INTO THE FUTURE. HE DISCOVERS HE DID NOT REINCARNATE, BUT HAS AN AI CHIP IN HIS HEAD.…………………………………………………………………….Season End/Cliffhanger
2. Season 1 Mystery Set up…TOM WAS IN THE PAST AND NOW SHOWS UP IN THE FUTURE. WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO DO WITH JUSITCE’S REINCARNATION? HOW DID JUSTICE GET TO THE FUTURE AND WHY? HOW DOES HE GET BACK? WE FIND OUT THERE WAS NO PAST, BUT HE HAS A CHIP IN HIS HEAD.………………………………..………………Season 1 Mystery Solved
3. Journey begins…JUSTICE REINCARNATES, EVENTUALLY FINDS OUT HE IS A TEST DUMMY FOR AI, AND THEN MOVES INTO THE FUTURE WITH THAT NEW KNOWLEDGE. AT THE END OF SEASON TWO WE FIND OUT THE CHIP MALFUNCTIONED, AND WE DON’T KNOW WHAT JUSTICE IS…………………………………………………….Journey peaks, but continues.
4. ……Layer….…Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer……Layer
SAMANTHA IS TRYING TO POISON HER FATHER.
KENZIE IS TRYING TO ESCAPE JUSTICE.
INTERNAL AFFAIRS IS INVESTIGATING JUSTICE.
PARANORMAL EVENTS IS INVESTIGATING JUSTICE
TOM WAS IN JUSTICE’S PAST AND SHOWS UP IN THE FUTURE ALSO.
JEWEL IS WORKING UNDERCOVER FOR INTERNAL AFFAIRS.
JEWEL WAS IN CUERVO’S SEX RING AND IS SEARCHING THE LEADER OUT FOR REVENGE.
JEWEL IS A SERIAL KILLER, KILLING PIMPS AT NIGHT.
MILEY STALKS MEN.
MILEY LOST ALL HER FAMILY WITHIN SIX MONTHS, CREATING A NEEDY MENTALITY.
MILEY HELPED HEER MOTHER WITH ASSISTED SUICIDE AND HAS GUILT.
MASON WAS BULLIED AS A KID. MASON’S FATHER WANTED HIM TO GO INTO HIS LAW PRACTICE, BUT HE WANTED TO EMPOWER HIMSELF.
MASON IS EXERCISE OBSESSIVE TO KEEP OFF THE WEIGHT THAT PLAGUED HIM AND CREATED THE BULLYING.
JUSTICE IS DYSLEXIC. JUSTICE’S FATHER WAS EDUCATED. HE WAS DISAPPOINTED IN HIM AND EMBARRASED. JUSTICE WENT WEST AND EVENTUALLY BECAME A LAWMAN.
JUSTICE HAD A FOUR-YEAR-OLD SON LEFT IN THE PAST. HE WAS WIDOWED.
RACHEL IS A PARANORMAL RESEARCHER.
RACHEL TRIES TO TEST JUSTICE. HE REFUSES.
RACHEL GAINS JUSTICE’S TRUST.
RACHEL TESTS JUSTICE AND FINDS THE CHIP.

5. Make a list of the Major Story Lines.
STORY LINE ONE: Justice reincarnates into the future, learns how to function as an agent, angers the Mexican Cartel who want revenge, and is the target of his current family who are trying to kill him. He ends his season journey by finding our he has a chip in his head.
STORY LINE TWO: Jewel is working undercover for Internal Affairs to prove Justice’s corruption. She’s a kick ass BORTAC agent by day, but on her own she is searching for Cuervo who trafficked her as a young girl. She wants revenge. And in the meantime, she is protecting the girls on the streets by killing the pimps working them. She ends the season covering for Justice with Internal Affairs and being vindicated with Cuervo’s death.
STORYLINE THREE: Miley begins the season stalking her current boyfriend. She is desperately seeking love and family, a product of losing her entire family within a six-month period. While her brothers were taken by accident, she helped her mother with assisted suicide. This has left her lonely and guilty. She transfers her adoration from her boyfriend to Justice, resorting often to bulimia and binging when he doesn’t return her adoration. This process angers and causes jealousy with Mason who finds out her secrets and still wants to be with her.
STORYLINE FOUR: Rachel works for the Office of Paranormal Research and is following Justice’s activities. She gains his trust and eventually is allowed to test him, where she discovers an AI chip in his head.
OUTLINING PROCESS
Episode 1: THE AWAKENING: A crooked BORTAC agent changes radically when A moral Texas ranger, from 1908, reincarnates into his body.
No one believes him.
Discover’s his predecessor is crooked.
Tries to right wrongs/makes a mess.
Audience reveal: Miley is stalking men.
He realizes Tom, from his past is also in his future.
Audience reveal: Paranormal events is following him.
Audience reveal: Jewel is working for Internal Affairs.
HIS DAUGHTER POISONS HIM.
Episode 2: REPERCUSSIONS: Justice’s new ability to heal comes in handy when his wife shoots him but creates problems when the Office of Paranormal Investigations wants to begin testing on him.
He finds new technology frustrating.
Justice reveal: He’s dyslexic.
He works with his team to stop smugglers from moving firearms.
His wife is planning an escape.
Paranormal Events wants to examine him.
REVEAL: JEWEL KILLS A PIMP TO PROTECT ONE OF HIS GIRLS.
HIS WIFE SHOOTS HIM.
Episode 3: Justice and his team stop a shipment of women and arrest the son of the cartel boss.
Jewel audience reveal: Wall of investigation of Cuervo.
Miley audience reveal: She is turning her infatuation toward Justice.
Mason audience reveal: He was bullied as child.
Justice’s wife and daughter leave town.
KENZIE AND SAMANTHA ARE KIDNAPPED.
Episode 4: Justice and his team attempt to rescue the girls.
Samantha manages to get away into the desert.
Justice and team go after her.
Old-fashioned shoot-out where Justice rescues Samantha.
KENZIE CALLS AND JUSITCE IS TOLD TO MEET WITHIN THE HOUR OR SHE WILL DIE.
Episode 5: Justice meets with the cartel who have set up a trap.
Justice follows instructions and sets himself up to meet.
He has a fight with the cartel at the river.
Mason reveal: He turns Justice into Internal Affairs out of jealousy.
Tom mentor’s Justice.
KENZIE IS SOLD ON THE BLACK MARKET.
Episode 6: The Team goes on an interagency mission and rescues Justice’s wife but the cartel blows up Justice’s house severely injuring Kenzie anyway.
The team uses new-age technology to find the location where Kenzie is held.
In an interagency mission with the Mexican gov, the team goes after Kenzie.
In a volley of fighting the team rescues Kenzie, killing the son of the cartel.
THE CARTEL BLOWS UP JUSTICE’S HOUSE
Episode 7: The unit is called to defend a high-stakes hostage situation, which is a smoke screen for a heist to gain money elsewhere.
Justice determines he needs to stop Cuervo before his family dies.
Paranormal Events feel like they have found a force field where Justice reincarnated.
Miley reveals her interest when pushing Kenzie to divorce Justice.
Jewel’s covers for Justice at Internal Affairs and joins forces with him to find Cuervo.
JEWEL IS CAPTURED BY CUERVO.
Episode 8: Justice goes off grid after Cuervo and is captured and tortured himself.
Justice crosses into Mexico.
He fights his way into Cuervo’s lair and captures Louisa, thinking he has the cartel leader’s wife.
Miley reveal: She lost her entire family within 6 months.
Louisa is the cartel leader and turns tables on Justice.
JUSTICE IS TORTURED.
Episode 9: Justice manages to turn table on his captors and kills Cuervo, bringing Internal Affairs crashing down on him.
Jewel reveal: She was part of Cuervo’s sex trafficking and is there for revenge.
Justice kills Cuervo and gets Jewel out.
Internal affairs arrests Justice.
A SHADOWY GOVT AGENCY SETS JUSTICE FREE.
PARANORMAL EVENTS GRABS HIM AND BEGINS TESTING.
Episode 10: Justice discovers Tom is behind his release and part of a conspiracy.
Tom rescues Justice.
Justice realizes Tom isn’t being square with him.
He and Jewel break into Tom’s residence and find evidence that Tom is part of a conspiracy.
Miley reveal: She helped her mom with assisted suicide.
TOM CATCHES THEM IN THE ACT.
Episode 11:
Justice finds out he did not reincarnate and that an AI chip was put in his head.
Tom holds Justice and Jewel hostage, calling in others.
Justice is part of a secret program to create better law enforcement for the future.
The ‘others’ want to kill Justice and Jewel to keep the conspiracy secret.
JUSTICE LEARNS HE DID NOT REINCARNATE BUT HAS AN AI CHIP IN HIS HEAD.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – 5 seasons
What I learned. This was hard and I didn’t finish the loops for the last two seasons, but I’ve learned that if I keep going, I can sometimes circle back with new ideas. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about stimulating my mind to keep moving.
ASSIGNMENT:
1. Brainstorm to find the arc of the entire journey, from Season One to Five.

START: A Texas Ranger from 1908 reincarnates into a corrupt BORTAC (Border Patrol) agent and attempts to right the wrongs of his predecessor, while Internal affairs works to prove and prosecute his criminal activities.

MIDDLE: Justice discovers he did not reincarnate, but his boss and mentor, Tom was part of a secret government agency that implanted an A.I. chip in his memory testing the theory that given a set of moral parameters and its ability to learn, the chip could creatively design a crime fighting personality that would serve America.

FINISH: Justice discovers that the A.I. chip malfunctioned and did not integrate with his brain. He actually did reincarnate.
2. Brainstorm the Stair Step version.
• Season 1: Justice reincarnates and must cope with his predecessor’s crimes. Internal affairs is hot on his trail.
• Season 2: Having killed Miguel, son of the cartel, Justice becomes a target.
• Season 3: Justice is angry that he’s been targeted as a test dummy for A.I. but he has already bonded to a biracial daughter that he thought was actually his bloodline. When the Cartel kidnaps his family, he begins a campaign to take down the cartels in the states.
• Season 4: Justice expands his crimefighting to Mexico to eliminate cartel’s operating on both sides of the border.
• Season 5: Justice becomes a target at a worldwide level of persons interested in the technology he was implanted with.
3. For each season, brainstorm the Building Blocks.
Season 1: A CHANGE OF VENUE:
• A. High Concept or major hook of the season. Justice dies and a Texas ranger reincarnates into his body.
• B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: The New Justice must learn to operate under a modern set of rules, different from his era.
• C. Main Conflict: His predecessor was involved in criminal activities. He is trying to find a way back to his time which gets him involved with the office of paranormal activities. His old-fashioned ways conflict with new law enforcement tchniques.
• D. Mystery/Open Loops: Internal affairs is investigating him. Tom, his boss, is a familiar face from his past. He is having flashbacks. The office of paranormal events is showing an interest in him.
• E. Cliffhanger: Justice discovers that Tom is part of a secret government agency. Justice did not reincarnate. He is a test subject that had an A.I. chip planted in his memory that gave him a creative identity.
Season 2: THE EVOLUTION OF MAN
High Concept or major hook of the season. Justice is working as an A.I. test dummy in the BORTAC unit.
Big picture arc or journey: Justice doesn’t trust his dreams and flashbacks anymore. He becomes unsure of his instincts not sure of what is him and what is the A.I., all while the Cartel is trying its best to kill him. When the Cartel kidnap his family, he realizes he has bonded with his new bi-racial daughter (his granddaughter) and must use a combination of his old-fashioned skills and modern technology to safeguard his family. He needs to shut down the cartel to keep them safe.
Main conflict: The cartel will sell his family to sex traffickers.
Mystery/open loops. He is having more intense dreams and flashbacks. The office of internal affairs intensifies collecting evidence about his predecessor’s past criminal activities.
Cliffhanger: They rescue Samantha, but Kenzie is sold on the black market.
Season 3: THE POWER OF CHARACTER
High concept or journey: Justice begins his own covert operation, outside BORTAC protocol, to hunt down Cuervo and kill him, pushing his own moral code of honor, and giving Internal Affairs the proof they need to prosecute him.
Big picture arc or journey:
Mysteries or loops:
Cliff hanger: The cartel blows up Justice’s house (Killing Kenzie?).
Season 4:
High Concept or journey: Justice takes the fight to Cuervo and engages in battle on both sides of the border.
Big picture arc or journey: Justice realizes he has to take out the head of the snake or his family will never be safe.
Mysteries or loops:
Cliff Hanger:
Season 5: High concept or Journey: Justice becomes the target of overseas smugglers as he shuts down the cartels at the border and stops the cash flow.
Big picture or journey:
Mysteries or loops:
Cliff Hangar:
SEASON 1: A CHANGE OF VENUE.
Justice is a reincarnation into a world a hundred years in the future. Ending up in the body of a corrupt border patrol agent, his value system and law practices no longer match his contemporaries. His life becomes increasingly complicated when he realizes that he’s inherited an abused bi-racial daughter and black wife, who are trying to kill him, a BORTAC (Border Patrol) unit that begins to crack as his mannerisms effect their performance, and a boss who looks exactly like a man from his past. Add to this to a gang of cartel criminals who think he’s their partner and Internal Affairs that’s investigating his predecessor and he’s in over his head.

SEASON 2: THE EVOLUTION OF MAN.

Justice is reeling from his discovery that he did not reincarnate but is the test dummy for a secret government agency who planted an A.I. chip in his memory. His foundation of being a lawman, no matter what century he resided in, is shaken as he questions whether it is him or the A.I. chip that is channeling his actions, which doesn’t make his life any easier when the Cartel is trying to kill him. When his family is kidnapped, he discovers it doesn’t matter why but what he’s willing to do to get them back, even if it means crossing the lines within his BORTAC agency to get the job done.
As law enforcement he has hit a dead end and lost faith in himself. As a surrogate father he is a force that is unstoppable. He needs to shut down the cartel and Internal Affairs be damned.

SEASON 3: THE POWER OF CHARACTER.
Justice finds an ally in his hunt for Cuervo, as a BORTAC partner reveals her own past in the clutches of the cartel. Together, they enter Mexican territory and begin a covert operation to take out the gang. Internal Affairs issues a warrant to bring Justice in but he’s not about to let them catch him before he rescue’s his wife, a process that ends up in the death of Cuervo, the cartel leader. While he’s successful in getting his wife home, he’s raised the wrath of the cartel’s heir to the throne who puts out a high stakes bounty to all cartels take out Justice.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Intriguing Concept and World
What I learned: To simplify my work and target main ideas.
Concept: A Texas ranger from 1908 brings his value system to a modern Border Tactical unit when he reincarnates into a corrupt agent and tackles his predecessor’s crimes.
1. Present your Concept.
• A. Engaging and highly proactive hero…An old-fashioned Texas ranger from 1908
• B. …up against a major conflict…reincarnates into the body of a corrupt agent,
• C. …goes on unique transformational journey…and tackles his predecessor’s crimes,
• D. …Into an intriguing world. …while functioning as a modern Border Tactical agent.
2. Tell us the World of this show.
• Unique Sub-World: BORTAC (Border Tactical) unit.
• Previously unexplored: Modern law practiced from outdated standards.
• The unknown: The extent of his predecessor’s crimes.
• The unseen: An A.I. chip in his head.
• Unheard of Dangers: Previous criminal partners will think he turned on them.
• Reason to explore it:

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Character descriptions
What I learned: Every assignment I have a small breakthrough. Mason has been hard for me to develop because I felt like he was the buddy and should be a pretty good guy. Now, putting him in conflict with Justice gives him a whole new persona. I also see how my previously generic characters need to pop when describing them.
ASSIGNMENT
• Who is the character? JUSTICE. Role in the show? PROTAGONIST/FATHER/HUSBAND/BORTAC AGENT
• Noteworthy traits: PREVIOUS JUSTICE: CHARMING, ABUSIVE, MANIPULATIVE, CRIMINAL. REINCARNATED JUSTICE: OLD-FASHIONED. QUICK WITTED. CAPABLE. MAN’S MAN. STUBBORN.
• Intriguing history: DYSLEXIC. DISAPPOINTED FATHER. TEXAS RANGER. WIDOWED FATHER TO 4-YEAR-OLD.
• Intrigue? Mystery? REINCARNATED. HOW CAN HE GET HOME?
• How do they support or drive the conflict with others? CONFLICTING VALUE SYSTEM: CONFLICTS WITH TEAM WHO DOES THINGS DIFFERENTLY. CONFLICTS WITH CRIMINALS WHO THINK HE IS BETRAYING THEM.
• Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: PREVIOUS PARTNERS ARE NOW HIS ENEMIES. USES LAW FOR GOOD INSTEAD OF BAD. HE VALUES FAMILY WHERE HIS PREDECESSOR DIDN’T.
• Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: HE WANTS TO GO BACK TO HIS TIME (VISITS WITCHDOCTORS, ETC). HE IS TRYING TO RIGHT HIS PREDECESSOR’S WRONGS (SHIPPING WOMEN, TAKING BRIBES, DEMANDING PAYOFFS, MOVING DRUGS).
• Unpredictable? PRACTICING LAW IN A DIFFERENT ERA WITH DIFFERENT RULES.
• Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: JEWEL BENEFITS FROM WORKING WITH HIM TO TAKE DOWN CUERVO WHILE INVESTIGATING HIM ALSO.
JUSTICE:
Justice hides his abusive and manipulative behavior behind a charming mask, as he builds his criminal empire under the guise of a BORTAC (Border Tactical) agent…until he dies and a Texas ranger from 1908 reincarnates into his body. Moral, old-fashioned, and stubborn, this new Justice smokes, drinks and occasionally samples the whores…after all, he’s a red-blooded man ain’t he? He also brings with him a code of honor that creates quite a ruckus with…well pretty much everyone, from his former partners in the Mexican cartel, to his BORTAC teammates, to his newly inherited bi-racial family.
What he doesn’t cotton to is corruption, particularly his predecessor’s corruption, which seems to pop up continually. Convinced that he can’t return to his own time until he corrects the wrongs of the previous Justice, he heads into the jaws of danger armed with a kick ass attitude and a strong right fist. Unfortunately, what he doesn’t have is an understanding of how much practicing law has changed in the last century.

KENZIE:
• Who is the character? WIFE. Role in the show? CONTRAST AND FAMILY TO JUSTICE.
• Noteworthy traits: PROTECTIVE OF CHILD. ABUSED. SARCASTIC.
• Intriguing history: SHE’S ABUSED. HAD AN AFFAIR RESULTING IN SAMANTHA. HUSBAND HAD LOVER KILLED.
• Intrigue? Mystery? SHE’S TRYING TO ESCAPE HER HUSBAND.
• How do they support or drive the conflict with others? HER ABUSE SETS OFF HER DAUGHTER’S ACTIONS.
• Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: DOESN’T BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE BUT TRIES TO KILL JUSTICE.
• Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: TRYING TO ESCAPE SETS OFF JUSTICE. IN THE FUTURE…TRYING TO DIVORCE NEW JUSTICE.
• Unpredictable? WILL CROSS BOUNDARIES TO PROTECT HER DAUGHTER.
• Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: SHE WILL BE ATTRACTED TO MASON WHILE MARRIED TO JUSTICE.

KENZIE:
Abused, angry, and overly protective of her daughter, Kenzie is a black woman who is not living her best life. She recognizes that her affair and subsequent pregnancy, early in her marriage, was the catalyst that started her abuse but it’s not like she can divorce her husband. She’s tried, along with numerous escape attempts and each time he’s found her and dragged her home with escalating violence so extreme that she often fears for her life. The only thing that pulls her from her whipped compliance is her protective instinct for her daughter which closely resembles a mother bear protecting a cub – then there is no line she won’t cross.
Initially skeptical of the newly reincarnated Justice, Kenzie cautiously begins to believe someone else is inhabiting her hated husband’s body but seeing him enter a room still gives her a jolt. And when his shenanigans to get himself back to his own century ends up dragging Kenzie into a brawl with the Mexican Cartel, things begin to get scary and dangerous for both mom and daughter.

JEWEL:
• Who is the character? PARTNER AGENT. Role in the show? EVENTUAL LOVE INTEREST, PARTNER.
• Noteworthy traits: FIERCELY COMPETENT, SASSY, SELF-SUFFICIENT TO A FAULT.
• Intriguing history: RAN AWAY FROM ABUSIVE FOSTER CARE SITUATION, DEALT WITH HARSH REALITIES OF LIFE ON THE STREETS UNTIL SHE ENDED UP BEING TRAFFICED BY CUERVO’S GANG. A COMMUNITY CENTER WORKED WITH COPS TO RESCUE HER AND THEIR PROGRAMS TAUGHT HER EDUCATION WAS HER WAY TO SUCCEED. HER FIERCE DRIVE TO TAKE CONTROL OF HER OWN DESTINY SENT HER UP THE RANKS OF LAW ENFORCEMENT.
• Intrigue? Mystery? SHE IS WORKING UNDER COVER FOR INTERNAL AFFAIRS. SHE IS TRACKING DOWN CUERVO’S GANG.
• How do they support or drive the conflict with others? HER PRICKLY NATURE WITH MEN DRIVES CONFLICT. HER DRIVE FOR REVENGE PUSHES HER TO CROSS LINES.
• Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character. SHE SAVES LIVES WHILE KILLING PIMPS.
• Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters. SHE’S HELPING INVESTIGATE JUSTICE.
• Unpredictable? HER CONSUMING ANGER AT CUERVO DRIVES HER.
• Intriguing relationship with one or more characters. SHE HATES JUSTICE BUT IS DRAWN TO HIM.

JEWEL:
With a history of being sex trafficked and her resulting anger toward men, Jewel has worked her way up the ladder with a fierce desire to take control of her own destiny. She’s one capable agent with a soft side for the underprivileged and a self-sufficient and vengeful nature toward oppressors. And she’s looking for Cuervo, the head of the ring that trafficked her.
In the meantime, Jewel fights crime as a BORTAC agent and works undercover for Internal Affairs. And right now, I. F. is on the trail of Justice Baird and his corrupt ways, a great cover for her own covert actions…which is serial killer at night.
MASON:
Character. MASON. Role. MENTOR.
Noteworthy traits. SMART, CHARISMATIC, AWKWARD, INDECISIVE. EXERCISE NUT.
Intrigue. DAD WANTED HIM TO BE A LAWYER LIKE HIMSELF. HE WAS BULLIED.
Support or drive. JEALOUS OVER MILEY TAKING A LIKING TO JUSTICE.
Irony – He’s a rule follower but he tells white lies.
Opposing agenda. RULE ORIENTED, WHILE JUSTICE OPERATES FROM DIFFERENT ERA THAT CROSSES LINES.
Unpredictable. He lies.

MASON:
Being smart and an absolute rule follower, Mason’s charismatic ways helped him quickly climb the ladder to being an agent with an eye toward continuing his move upward. Unfortunately, he tends to lie under pressure, due to a childhood of being bullied, and an obsession for exercise which helps keep the weight off that he was once teased for.
Mason really has a thing for Miley who doesn’t seem to notice a man unless he’s the wrong sort for her. It’s a source of anger and jealousy for him that she is unnaturally drawn to Justice who doesn’t seem to appreciate her. And while Justice seems to need someone who knows the rules to be his friend, it makes a fellow feel like a gentle push the wrong way might be what Mason needs to do to eliminate the competition.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy is ready for feedback.
What I learned: This was very hard, but I felt like I had some breakthroughs that will elevate my story.
The format does not seem to come through on these links, which makes it hard to see. I will try to contact help to submit my lesson for review.
BRENDA BODDY IS READY FOR FEEDBACK
Title: BORDER JUSTICE
Format/Genre DRAMA/ACTION
By: BRENDA BODDY

Concept: (Pre-Lesson 2)
A. Engaging and highly proactive hero…A MORAL TEXAS RANGER FROM 1908 BRINGS HIS VALUE SYSTEM WITH HIM WHEN HE
B. …up against a major conflict… REINCARNATES INTO A CORRUPT BORDER PATROL AGENT,

C. …goes on unique transformational journey…INCITING A STRING OF REPERCUSSIONS AS HE ADAPTS TO
D. …into an intriguing world. A MODERN BORDER TACTICAL UNIT.
Intriguing World: (Pre-Lesson 2)
A. Sub-world… LAW ENFORCEMENT.
B. …we haven’t explored before or haven’t explored this way…SEEN THROUGH THE EYES OF A LAWMAN FROM A CENTURY AGO.
C. …that makes the transformational journey even more intriguing. WHILE WORKING AS A MODERN BORDER TACTICAL AGENT.
Circles of Characters: (Lesson 2)
A. Main Characters JUSTICE, KENZIE, SAMANTHA, JEWEL, MASON, MILEY.
B. Connected Characters HIS COMMANDER, CUERVO (Woman who is head of Mexican Cartel), MIGUEL and ANTONIO (her sons), Tom (friend from both past and present).
C. Environment Characters OTHER EMPLOYEES IN A BORTAC AGENCY.
 
Character 1: JUSTICE
Engaging (Lesson 3)
A. Role in the show: BORTAC AGENT/HUSBAND/FATHER
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: DISPENSE LAW FROM 1908 PERSPECITVE.
C. Moral Issue: OLD-FASHIONED.
D. Unpredictable: HE WILL CROSS MODERN LINES.
E. Empathetic: MOURNING HIS SON. Vivid flashbacks and dreams from 1908.

Intriguing Layers (Lesson 4)
A. Hidden Agendas: FIGURE OUT WHY HE’S HERE. GO HOME TO HIS SON.
B. Competition: HIS PREDECESSOR/CUERVO.
C. Conspiracy: TO KEEP THE REINCARNATION SECRET.
D. Secrets: THAT HE’S NOT JUSTICE.
E. Deception: HE IS A BORTAC AGENT.
F. Wound: HE LEFT 4-YEAR-OLD SON BEHIND.
G. Secret Identity: TEXAS RANGER.

Emotional Depth (Lesson 5)
A. Hope: TO GO HOME / Fear: THAT HE’S STUCK IN THE FUTURE.
B. Want: TO GO HOME / Need: TO FIT IN WITH HIS PEERS. SURVIVAL IN THE MODERN WORLD.
C. Base Negative Emotion: NOT QUALIFIED. FEAR / Public Mask: CONFIDENT. LAWMAN.
D. Weaknesses: LACK OF KNOWLEDGE.
E. Triggers: FEAR. NOT HONORING YOUR CODE OF HONOR.
F. Coping Mechanism: ACTION. FIGHT. Character 2: SAMANTHA
Engaging
A. Role in the show: DAUGHTER
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: PROTECT HER MOM. BE A TRIAL FOR JUSTICE.
C. Moral Issue: TRYING TO KILL HER FATHER. LYING TO STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.
D. Unpredictable: WHEN HER BACK IS AGAINST THE WALL.
E. Empathetic: WE UNDERSTAND HOW SHE LOVES HER MOM AND HATES HER DAD FOR HIS ABUSE.

Intriguing Layers
A. Hidden Agendas: TO KILL HER DAD
B. Competition: ADULTS.
C. Conspiracy: HER MOM.
D. Secrets: SHE STOLE POISON.
E. Deception: SHE HATES HER DAD.
F. Wound: HER MOM’S ABUSE.
G. Secret Identity: JUSTICE THINKS SHE’S HIS GREAT, GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER. SHE ISN’T.

Emotional Depth
A. Hope: TO HAVE A NORMAL FAMILY / Fear: HER DAD WILL KILL HER MOM.
B. Want: SAFETY / Need: TO NOT BE AFRAID.
C. Base Negative Emotion: ANGER / Public Mask: TIMID/RECLUSIVE
D. Weaknesses: NOT AN ADULT.
E. Triggers: BULLYING. ABUSE.
F. Coping Mechanism: SELF-ABUSE. CUTTING. PLOTTING REVENGE. Character 3: KENZIE
Engaging
A. Role in the show: WIFE
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: GET AWAY FROM HER HUSBAND. A FOIL FOR JUSTICE’S ACTIONS AND REACTIONS.
C. Moral Issue: WILL DO WHATEVER IS NECESSARY TO PROTECT HER KID.
D. Unpredictable: DOESN’T LOVE JUSTICE SO IS OPEN TO SECRET ACTIONS AGAINST HIM.
E. Empathetic: SHE’S ABUSED.

Intriguing Layers
A. Hidden Agendas: TO LEAVE JUSTICE
B. Competition: JUSTICE
C. Conspiracy: SAMANTHA
D. Secrets: HER ABUSE. SAMANTHA IS NOT JUSTICE’S.
E. Deception: SHE HATES HER HUSBAND.
F. Wound: JUSTICE NEVER FORGAVE HER.
G. Secret Identity:

Emotional Depth
A. Hope: TO ESCAPE / Fear: JUSTICE WILL FIND AND HURT HER.
B. Want: A NORMAL LIFE. / Need: SAFETY.
C. Base Negative Emotion: FAILURE / Public Mask: CARING MOTHER.
D. Weaknesses: NO JOB SKILLS.
E. Triggers: HER DAUGHTERS WELL-BEING AND SAFETY.
F. Coping Mechanism: SARCASM, GARDENING.

Potential Layers FOR JUSTICE
SEASON 1:
JUSTICE: A BORTAC AGENT
LAYER: HE REINCARNATED FROM 1908.
LAYER: HE CAN HEAL INSTANTAEOUSLY.
LAYER: HE HAS SKILLS ADVANCED TO SOMEONE FROM 1908.
LAYER: HIS PREDECESSOR WAS CORRUPT. HE DISPLAYS AN EXTREME PERSONALITY CHANGE TO MORALITY AND A CODE OF HONOR.
LAYER: VIVID FLASHBACKS AND DREAMS OF A WIFE AND SON IN 1908.
LAYER: INTERNAL AFFAIRS IS INVESTIGATING HIM
LAYER: ELECTRONIC DEVICES MALFUNCTION OR BEHAVE ERRATICALLY IN HIS PRESENCE.
LAYER: TOM WAS IN THE PAST AND REAPPEARS IN THE FUTURE.
LAYER: SCIENTIFIC ANALYSIS DETECTS TECHNLOGY THAT IS NOT HUMAN.
LAYER: A SHOWDOWN WHERE JUSTICE FINDS OUT THE TRUTH AND CONFRONTS A SHADOWY GOVERNMENT AGENCY.
TWIST ENDING: HE DID NOT REINCARNATE. A COMPUTER CHIP WAS PLANTED IN HIS MEMORY CENTER, CREATING A NEW IDENTITY FOR HIM.

SEASON 2:
JUSTICE: A BORTAC AGENT THAT HAS A MICROCHIP IN HIS BRAIN.
LAYER: SUDDEN LAPSES IN MEMORY OR VIVIED FLASHBACKS THAT REVEAL PARALLELS BETWEEN HIS EXPERIENCES AND CURRENT PREDICAMENTS.
LAYER: HE BEGINS TO NOTICE SIMILARITIES AND MANNERISMS THAT APPEAR BETWEEN BOTH THE TEXAS LAWMAN AND JUSTICE.
LAYER: PHYSICAL MANIFESTATIONS BEGIN TO APPEAR (SCARS, UNEXPLAINED INJURIES) THAT WERE PERSONAL TO THE TEXAS RANGER.
LAYER: HE BEGINS TO TUNE INTO CRYPTIC MESSAGES THAT IMMINATE FROM UNKNOWN SOURCES.
LAYER: HE SEES GLITCHES IN THE FABRIC OF REALITY AND EXPERIENCES TIME DILATION.
LAYER: BRAIN SCANS REVEAL IRREGULAR PATTERNS OF ACITVITY.
LAYER: A SERIES OF COINCIDENCES THAT SEEM TOO IMPROBABLE TO BE RANDOM.
TWIST ENDING: WHILE THE CHIP MAY HAVE PLAYED A ROLE, IT MALFUNCTIONED, LEAVING A VOID THAT WAS A CATALYST TO HIM BEING AN ACTUAL REINCARNATION. BASIC SURFACE PLOT LINE OVER SEASONS:
JUSTICE IS ABUSIVE TO HIS WIFE AND SHIPPING WOMEN ACROSS THE BORDER.
HANK REINCARNATES INTO JUSTICE.
HIS FAMILY DOESN’T BELIEVE HIS STORY.
HIS TEAM DOESN’T BELIEVE HIS STORY.
HE DISCOVERS HIS PREDECESSOR WAS SHIPPING WOMEN ACROSS THE BORDER AND GOES AFTER THE CARTEL, BUNGLING AN ARREST.
HIS TEAM IS ANGRY WITH HIS IMCOMPETENCE BUT HE’S ABLE TO SHOW THEM HIS ABILITY TO HEAL.
SAMANTHA HAS STOLLEN POISON AND TRIES TO KILL HIM. KENZIE TRIES TO ESCAPE WITH SAMANTHA.
THE MEXICAN CARTEL THINK HE HAS BETRAYED THEM AND KIDNAP HIS FAMILY.
HE AND THE TEAM USE BORTAC TECHNOLGY TO TRACK HIS FAMILY.
IN AN OLD-FASHIONED SHOOTOUT THEY ARE ABLE TO RESCUE SAMANTHA.
THE CARTEL CHANGES KENZIE’S LOOK AND AUCTIONS HER OFF.
THE TEAM FINALLY FINDS WHERE KENZIE IS STASHED AND RESCUES HER, KILLING THE SON OF THE CARTEL.
THE CARTEL RETALIATES BY BLOWING UP JUSTICE’S HOUSE.
 
Character 4: MASON
Engaging (Lesson 3)
A. Role in the show: BORTAC AGENT/ FRIEND
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: MENTOR/PARTNER. NERDY – OPPOSITE OF JUSTICE.
C. Moral Issue: RULE FOLLOWER.
D. Unpredictable: HE’S NEEDY.
E. Empathetic: BEAT UP AS A KID.

Intriguing Layers (Lesson 4)
A. Hidden Agendas:
B. Competition:
C. Conspiracy: TO KEEP REINCARNATION SECRET.
D. Secrets: HE’S IN LOVE WITH MILEY.
E. Deception:
F. Wound: HIS FATHER EXPECTED HIM TO BE A LAWYER. THEY DON’T SPEAK.
G. Secret Identity:

Emotional Depth (Lesson 5)
A. Hope: TO HAVE FRIENDS / Fear: NO ONE LIKES HIM.
B. Want: TO BE POPULAR / Need: TO ACCEPT HIMSELF.
C. Base Negative Emotion: WORTHLESS / Public Mask: FUN LOVING.
D. Weaknesses: INSECURITY.
E. Triggers: HYPERSENSITIVE TO SLIGHTS. ENRAGED WHEN CRITICIZED.
F. Coping Mechanism: RETREATS. WORKS OUT OBSESSIVELY. Character 5: JEWEL
Engaging
A. Role in the show: AGENT/POTENTIAL ROMANTIC.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: BAD ASS.
C. Moral Issue: SHE WORKS TO SAVE LIVES WHILE STALKING AND KILLING PIMPS.
D. Unpredictable: DOESN’T TRUST MEN.
E. Empathetic: ABUSED AND USED.

Intriguing Layers
A. Hidden Agendas: TO KILL CUERVO.
B. Competition: OTHER AGENTS.
C. Conspiracy: WORKING WITH INTERNAL AFFAIRS.
D. Secrets: SHE’S KILLING PIMPS AND HELPING THE HOMELESS.
E. Deception: SHE STAYS WITHIN THE LAW.
F. Wound: BEING A SEX SLAVE.
G. Secret Identity: SET IN THE TEAM AS A MOLE FOR INTERNAL AFFAIRS.

Emotional Depth
A. Hope: TO FEEL CONFIDENT / Fear: TO BE OUT OF CONTROL – A VICTIM.
B. Want: REVENGE / Need: TO FIND PEACE.
C. Base Negative Emotion: VICTIM / Public Mask: BAD ASS.
D. Weaknesses: HER PAST CLOUDS HER JUDGEMENT.
E. Triggers: MALE AGGRESSION. PIMPS.
F. Coping Mechanism: FIGHTS BACK/ MOUTHY/REVENGE. Character 6: MILEY
Engaging
A. Role in the show: AGENT/POTENTIAL ROMANTIC.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: PART OF THE TEAM.
C. Moral Issue: SHE STOPS CRIMINAL BEHAVIOUR BUT STALKS MEN HERSELF.
D. Unpredictable: DRIVEN BY HER NEEDINESS.
E. Empathetic: EVERYONE SHE LOVES HAS DIED.

Intriguing Layers
A. Hidden Agendas: TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
B. Competition: OTHER WOMEN
C. Conspiracy:
D. Secrets: SHE IS BULIMIC AND FOOD OBSESSIVE.
E. Deception:
F. Wound: SHE ASSISTED HER MOTHER WITH SUICIDE.
G. Secret Identity:

Emotional Depth
A. Hope: TO BE PART OF A FAMILY / Fear: SHE’LL ALWAYS BE ALONE.
B. Want: A BOYFRIEND. / Need: TO LIKE HERSELF.
C. Base Negative Emotion: WORTHLESS/ Public Mask: SELF-SACRIFICING HELPER.
D. Weaknesses: FALLS FOR MEN WHO DON’T WANT HER.
E. Triggers: REJECTION
F. Coping Mechanism: OVEREATING/BULIMIA/STALKING.
Potential Layers (Lesson 10)

PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
MASON: A BORTAC agent who works with his team as an agent.
Layer 2: He’s desperate to prove himself and to have friends.
Layer 3: He chose to go into law enforcement, against his dad’s wishes.
Layer 4: He works out obsessively and looks for any opportunity to climb the ladder.
Layer 5. He’s been bullied and teased all his life due to being overweight and nerdy.
Layer 6: His father expected him to become a lawyer like himself.
Potential Layers (Lesson 10)

PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
JEWEL: A BORTAC agent who works with her team as an agent.
Layer 2: She also works undercover with internal affairs to find a mole.
Layer 3: She’s using the agency to search for Cuervo who is behind sex trafficking rings.
Layer 4: She was a child in Cuervo’s ring.
Layer 6: She’s killing the members of the ring.

Potential Layers (Lesson 10)

PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
MILEY: A BORAC agent who works with her team as an agent.
Layer 2: She’s deals with emotions by overeating and then being bulimic.
Layer 3: She is bulimic and emotional when she feels needy and rejected.
Layer 4: She clings to relationships so hard that the intended love pushes her away.
Layer 5: She is desperate for love because both her siblings and her mom died within a six-month period.
Layer 6: When her mom was dying of cancer, she assisted with her suicide and feels guilty.

 

Empathy / Distress (Lesson 7)

Undeserved misfortune.
KENZIE WANTS A DIVORCE AND IS TRYING TO ESCAPE.
External Character conflicts.
JUSTICE ANGERS THE MEXICAN CARTEL WHO THINK HE BETRAYED THEM.
Plot intruding on life.
JUSTICE REINCARNATES INTO A BORTAC AGENT.
INTERNAL AFFAIRS IS INVESTIGATING JUSTICE.
THE CARTEL KIDNAPS JUSTICE’S FAMILY.
KENZIE IS SOLD AT AUCTION
THE CARTEL BLOWS UP JUSTICE’S HOUSE
Moral dilemmas.
JUSTICE GOES AFTER THE CARTEL HIMSELF.
JUSTICE KILLS THE SON OF THE CARTEL.
JUSTICE INTEROGATES A WITNESS AND USES TOO MUCH FORCE.
Forced decisions they’d never make.
JUSTICE IS CAPTURED AND HAS TO KILL A WOMAN TO ESCAPE.
Relationship Hooks (Lesson 6)

Looking at your Relationship Map, what major hooks could show up?

JUSTICE/ KENZIE
KENZIE FEARS RETRIBUTION FOR TRYING TO EXCAPE JUSTICE WHILE THE NEW JUSTICE WILL INTERACT WITH BLACK PEOPLE FROM A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ERA.

JUSTICE/SAMANTHA
SAMANTHA TRIES TO KILL HER FATHER FOR HIS ABUSE BUT AS THEY SETTLE INTO A FAMILY HER DISRESPECT CAN MANIFEST IN BAD BEHAVIOUR

JUSTICE/JEWELL
JEWEL TRIES TO CATCH JUSTICE IN LIES AND EXPOSE HIM FOR BEING CORRUPT. JUSTICE INITIALLY TREATS HER LIKE A WHORE, MAKING HER DISLIKE HIM EVEN MORE.

JUSTICE/MILEY
JUSTICE’S OLD-FASHIONED COURTESY TOWARD WOMEN IN GENERAL CHARMS MILEY WHO ATTACHES HERSLF QUICKLY TO HIM, FORCING HIM TO PUSH HER AWAY. THIS TRIGGERS OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOUR IN HER.

JUSTICE/MASON
BOTH JUSTICE AND MASON HAVE DISAPPOINTED FATHERS.

Mystery (Lesson 8)

Type 1: Shocking Event
A. Shocking Event: JUSTICE REINCARNATES INTO THE FUTURE
B. Secret: HE’S A RANGER FROM 1908
C. Investigation: INTERNAL AFFAIRS IS INVESTIGATING THE CURRENT JUSTICE.

Type 2: Over Time
A. Cover up: THE CRIMES OF JUSTICE’S PREDECESSOR THAT WOULD GET HIM INTO TOUBLE.
B. THAT HE HAS A MICROCHIP IN HIS HEAD.
B. Secret: HANK IS PRETENDING TO BE JUSTICE IN THE NEW BODY BUT HIS PERSONALITY AND ACTIONS ARE RADICALLY DIFFERENT.
C. Reveals:
A.I. PLUGIN CHIP PLACED IN HIS MEMORY BANK, WHICH INTEGRATED WITH HIS BODY – AI WAS INSTRUCTED TO CREATE A MORAL LAWMAN, WITH HIGH SURVIVAL SKILLS, TO CREATE A BACKSTORY FOR HIM, AND TO GIVE HIM A FLAW. IT WAS ASSUMED THAT HE REINCARNATED, WHEN HE IS REALLY THE RESULT OF ADVANCED SCIENCE.

Season 2 reveal:
THE A.I. SET UP A MEMORY TEMPLATE IN JUSTICE, WITH ALL THE ATTRIBUTES OF HIS OWN GRANDFATHER. WHEN THE CHIP MALFUNCTIONED, IT CREATERD A VOID THAT WAS A CATALYST TO THE REINCARNATION OF JUSTICE’S GRANDFATHER, HANK, WHO DIED IN A PARALLEL ACCIDENT.

Potential Layers (Lesson 10)

PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
– Major scheme revealed.
JEWEL IS WORKING FOR INTERNAL AFFAIRS TO TAKE JUSTICE DOWN.
TOM PUT AN A.I. CHIP IN JUSTICE’S HEAD.
– Mystery revealed. TOM IS IN THE FUTURE.
– Thought the story was one thing, but it is another. THE AUDIENCE THINKS A TEXAS RANGER REINCARNATED INTO A CORRUPT BORTAC AGENT. AT THE END OF THE SEASON, WE ARE SHOCKED TO REALIZE THE CORRUPT AGENT HAD AN A.I. CHIP IMPLANTED IN HIS MEMORY WHICH IS CAUSING HIM TO THINK HE’S FROM THE PAST. AT THE END OF SEASON TWO, WE ARE SHOCKED AGAIN TO FIND OUT HE REALLY DID REINCARNATE FROM THE PAST AND THE MEMORY CHIP WAS DISFUNCTIONAL ALL ALONG.
– Major shift in Meaning JUSTICE’S DAUGHTER IS NOT RELATED AT ALL.
– Hidden history: KENZIE WAS UNFAITHFUL TO JUSTICE.
– Hidden plan: TOM IS DEMONSTRATING THAT HE CAN RADIACALLY CHANGE A PERSONALITY WITH A.I. CHIPS. HOPE FOR REHABILITATING MANKIND FROM ITS WORST TRAITS.
CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity. JUSTICE (A CORRUPT BORTAC AGENT IS NOW MORAL JUSTICE FROM 1908, WHO IS REALLY THE CORRUPT JUSTICE WITH A MICROCHIP THAT HAS ALTERED HIM.
– Secret identity: A TEXAS RANGER FROM 1908
– Intrigue surrounding the character: HE TALKS AND ACTS DIFFERENTLY.
– Hidden relationships: TOM WORKS WITH A SHADOWY GOVERNMENT AGENCY EXPERIMENTING WITH A.I. CHIPS.
– Hidden Character history.: AN AI CHIP IS PLACED IN JUSTICE’S MEMORY. ITS CREATIVE PROGRAMMING TAKES OVER HIS BRAIN CREATING THE FOLLOWING HISTORY: HANK (FROM 1908) IS DYSLEXIC. HIS FATHER WAS A HIGH UP CITY SPOKESMAN WHO WAS EMBARRASSED AT A SON WHO COULDN’T READ. HE WENT WEST AND EVENTUALLY BECAME A TEXAS RANGER, WHO LOST HIS WIFE IN CHILDBIRTH, WAS RAISING HIS FOUR-YEAR-OLD SON HIMSELF AND REINCARNATED INTO JUSTICE THROUGH A PARALLEL ACCIDENT A HUNDRED YEARS APART.
– New alliances: JUSTICE TEAMS WITH JEWEL TO TAKE DOWN CUERVO, THE LEADER OF THE MEXICAN CARTEL.

Open Loops (Lesson 9)

1. Something important happened…TOM WAS SEEN IN THE PAST
2. …that is incomplete…AND SHOWS UP AGAIN IN THE FUTURE
3. …which creates a question about the future. WHO IS TOM AND WHAT IS HIS ROLE IN THE STORY?

***JEWEL COMES ONTO JUSTICE. THEN WE REALIZE SHE DESPISES HIM. WHY?
***JUSTICE WAKENS TO SEE MILEY AND REACHES FOR HER LIKE HE KNOWS HER. WHY?
*** Irony (Lesson 11)

Character Irony:

OLD JUSTICE WAS CORRUPT/NEW JUSTICE IS MORAL
JUSTICE FIGHTS CRIME FROM AN OLD-FASHIONED STANDPOINT/WHICH GETS HIM IN TROUBLE WITH HIS TEAM.

Situational Irony:
JUSTICE ENDS UP WITH JEWEL WHO STARTS OUT AS HIS ARCH ENEMY.
JUSTICE’S CODE OF HONOR INCLUDES PROTECTING WOMEN, BUT HE HAS TO KILL A WOMAN TO ESCAPE CUERVO.

BOTTOM LINE: I ORIGIONALLY THOUGHT I WOULD DO THIS ENTIRE SEASON AS A TEXAS LAWMAN THAT REINCARNATES A HUNDRED YEARS INTO THE FUTURE. ADDING THE LAYER THAT INVOLVES PUTTING AN AI CHIP INTO HIS BRAIN IS NEW MATERIAL. AS AN AUDIENCE MEMBER, WOULD THIS SERIES BE MORE COMPELLING AS AN OLD-FASHIONED COWBOY IN TODAY’S SOCIETY, OR AS A SCIENCE EXPERIMENT THAT WILL MAKE YOU THINK? I’M NOT SURE WHICH WAY TO PROCEED.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Creating irony
What I learned: I seem to already be leaning toward irony in the show. I didn’t realize that it was just about doing the opposite. Previously I thought irony was just done in conversation.
ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show
The 100
The one-hundred kids that go to Earth are resentful about the laws on the arc that put them in jail, yet immediately the more aggressive kids start trying to put their own laws and desires on their companions.

________________________________________
ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show
Justice swore to uphold the law in the past and is now working to uphold the law in the present. However, things he used to do (hanging people, etc) would not be acceptable now and get him into trouble.
Previous Justice is abusive toward women while new Justice protects women. He’s the opposite.
Justice ropes and drags Cuervo’s men when he arrests them.
Justice gets in a bar fight with a drunk who’s abusive toward a woman.
Justice pistol whips a man.
Justice hangs a man.

Jewel is in law enforcement to protect others but she’s killing pimps on the side.
Miley desires love but she runs love off her love interests by being over possessive.
Kenzie hates Justice because of his previous abuse but continues to pretend to be his wife when she realizes he is not her husband.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy’s Plot and Character Layers
What I learned: All these assignments are tough. I’m slowly coming up with new ideas but sometimes my work feels like it’s very inferior. I feel like I’ve got ideas strung across multiple pages of assignments. My biggest push is just to trust the process. I can see that the resulting season will be so much better when I’m done.
Plot Layers
Layer 1: A Texas ranger reincarnates into the future into the body of a BORTAC agent. What actions will he do that aren’t common law tactics?
Layer 2: The predecessor was corrupt. What will pop up in investigations?
Layer 3: CONSPIRACY. Jewel is working for internal affairs and investigating Justice.
Layer 4: Justice’s new ‘daughter’ is actually his blood ‘granddaughter’.
Layer 5: HIDDEN AGENDA. Mason takes an interest in Kenzie and betrays Justice to be with her.
Layer 6: MYSTERY. Tom is seen in the past and again in the present working for the Center for Paranormal Events. What does he have to do with the reincarnation? Will Justice make it back to the past?

Character Layers:
JEWEL: A BORTAC agent who works with her team as an agent.
Layer 2: She also works undercover with internal affairs to find a mole.
Layer 3: She’s using the agency to search for Cuervo who is behind sex trafficking rings.
Layer 4: She was a child in Cuervo’s ring.
Layer 6: She’s killing the members of the ring.

MILEY: A BORAC agent who works with her team as an agent.
Layer 2: She’s deals with emotions by overeating and then being bulimic.
Layer 3: She is bulimic and emotional when she feels needy and rejected.
Layer 4: She clings to relationships so hard that the intended love pushes her away.
Layer 5: She is so desperate for love because both her siblings and her mom died within a six-month period.
Layer 6: When her mom was dying of cancer, she assisted with her suicide and feels guilty.

MASON: A BORTAC agent who works with his team as an agent.
Layer 2: He’s desperate to prove himself and also to have friends.
Layer 3: He chose to go into law enforcement, against his dad’s wishes.
Layer 4: He works out obsessively and looks for any opportunity to climb the ladder.
Layer 5. He’s been bullied and teased all his life due to being overweight and nerdy.
Layer 6: His father bullied him, expecting him to become a lawyer like himself.

JUSTICE: A BORTAC agent.
Layer 2: He has reincarnated from 1908 where he was a Texas ranger.
Layer 3: He can heal.
Layer 4: His predecessor was corrupt.
Layer 5: This is the SECOND time he’s reincarnated down his family line.
Layer 6: WOUND. His wife cheated on him and his son was not really his.
Layer 7: COMPETITION. Mason is after his current inherited wife. Jewel is working with Internal Affairs to take him down. Miley is stalking him.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned doing the assignment: Loops seem to be the actions…the look, the nod, the wink, that makes us think of something deeper. It’s that character depth we are looking for.
ASSIGNMENT 1
The 100
We don’t know if Earth is habitable. We are curious what has changed. Over episodes we see…fluorescent insects, two headed animals, acid smoke storms, and things like ‘grounders’.
________________________________________
ASSIGNMENT 2:
1. Use this list to brainstorm big picture open loops for your first season that you will use to keep the audience captivated.
GOALS:
• New goals? Will Justice find a way home? Why is he here?
• Goals related to the big picture?
• Crushed goals?
• Competition / conflict around goals?
CONSEQUENCES:
• Are they going to be caught? Internal Affairs is investigating Justice. Will he go to jail for his predecessor’s crimes?
• Problems created from past actions. The previous Justice was smuggling women across the border for sex slaves.
• Good plans gone wrong?
SOLVING PROBLEMS:
Major problem AFTER reincarnating is that his predecessor was abusive and corrupt. Justice will have to work around this.
• What is the major problem for this character? Learning how to live in the present world.
• What are they trying to solve? Why he’s in the present.
• Major change imposed on character? His predecessor was corrupt, which makes others think he might be.
• Previous solutions cause new problems?
RELATIONSHIPS:
• Relationships in peril? Jewel tests Justice by coming onto him. Will they get together?
• New relationships forming? Miley looks like Justice’s dead wife. She attracts him, but is completely wrong for him.
• Conflict inside relationships? Miley becomes obsessive about Justice. His inherited wife and child hate him from the abuse they endured.
• Relationships changing?
DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:
• Can they survive X? Can he survive Cuervo’s ongoing revenge?
• Putting themselves in danger / making dangerous decisions? He jumps into situations with both feet.
• Who else is pulled into their danger? His family is kidnapped by Cuervo for revenge.
• Internal dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)? Could he be sorry he didn’t spend more time with his son?
2. Tell us your top 5-8 Big Picture Open Loops that could be in your pilot.
Jewel comes onto Justice to test him. We then realize she despises him. Why?
Justice wakens to see Miley (who looks like his deceased wife). He reaches for her and passes out. Why?
Mason tries to be Justice’s friend. He is very needy. Why.
We saw Tom in the past. Now we see him arrive in the future. Who is he and what does he have to do with the reincarnation?

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Empathy/Distress
Assignment 1:
Clarke falls for Finn and then his girlfriend arrives.
Bellamy faces death when he realizes the adults will be arriving.
Clark finds out her mom was responsible for her father’s death.
Clark’s mom thinks her daughter died.
John murphy gets expelled from the group.
The group captures a grounder and torture him.
Assignment 2:
*** A Texas ranger reincarnates into Justice. ***Undeserved misfortune.
***Justice goes after the cartel on his own and fails to use appropriate procedure to arrest his prisoner. ***Moral dilemma, Plot intruding on life.
***The team sees Justice heal. (Big event that changes everyone’s opinion of him). ***Plot intruding on life.
***The Dept of Paranormal research sees Justice heal and begins watching him. (We see potential pressure and danger building for Justice.) ***Plot intruding on life.
***Internal affairs suspects Justice of being a mole and intensifies their investigation. (We see more danger and pressure building for Justice). ***Plot intruding on life.
***The cartel kidnaps Justice’s family. ***Plot intruding on life.
***The team saves Samantha in an old-fashioned shoot-out. ***External character conflicts.
***The team finds out Kenzie is sold at auction. ***Plot intruding on life.
***Justice interrogates a witness and uses too much force. ***Moral dilemma.
***Justice kills the son of the cartel. *** Moral dilemma
***The cartel retaliates by blowing up Justice’s house. ***Plot intruding on life.
***Kenzie can’t get over who Justice used to be and wants a divorce. ***Undeserved misfortune.
***The Mexican cartel captures Justice (he doesn’t realize Cuervo is a woman and allows her to get the upper hand) and torture him. ***Plot intruding on life.
***He’s forced to go against his morals and kill a woman to escape. ***Forced decisions they’d never make.

[Brenda Boddy]

Again…the formatting doesn’t stay true when you post. It’s hard to tell what is happening with the assignment.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda’s Show Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment: Creating background for each character gives more material to write with and greater depth to your script.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
The 100.
Tell us about the mysteries from this show.
At the beginning pilot, we don’t know why Clark’s friend would have turned in her dad. We later don’t know why her mom betrayed her dad. The rest of the cast doesn’t know Bellamy shot the commander. The adults don’t know if the kids are dead. We don’t know who is injuring and stalking them ( the grounders).
________________________________________
ASSIGNMENT 2:
Create two mysteries for your show — one that shows up strong in the Pilot and the other that is revealed over time.
1. Create your Shocking Event Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.
• A. Shocking Event: Justice reincarnates into the future.
• B. Secret: He’s from 1908.
• C. Investigation: Both his team and the office of paranormal investigations are trying to figure out how and why he is in the future.
• WWWWW and How:
• Who: Justice
• What: Reincarnated
• When: When the real Justice dies.
• Why? We don’t know yet.
• Where: Current day in Texas.
• How: Through a portal and/or parallel deaths?
• Part Withheld: Why? Because of a parallel accident? They are on a parallel\overlapping plane? Tom is a portal/robot from future?
2. Create the Over Time Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.

• A. Cover up: Hank has killed many men. His sense of right and wrong stems from a different era. As the new ‘Justice’ he has to change his behavior. Justice from modern times was unethical and corrupt. New Justice has to take on the persona of old Justice and still be able to function within his own moral code. (Could a partner or event push him to do more corruption and violate his code of honor?)
• B. Secret: He’s from 1908. New Justice will have to keep his predecessor’s criminal activities between himself and his team to avoid being arrested, all while trying to reinvent and fix the past. His newly inherited daughter is really a great granddaughter of Hank’s. He has the power to heal. He can’t read, because he’s dyslexic, but is educated.
• C. Reveals: Justice reincarnation. His ability to heal. Some of his abilities as a 1908 Texas ranger. He can hunt and track.
• WWWWW and How:
• Who: Justice
• What: Texas Ranger from 1908
• When: When the current Justice dies.
• Where: On a border patrol mission.
• Why? We don’t know why he is here. I’m toying with Tom (from his past) being a robot portal who he reincarnated through. Not sure if this idea works for a fish-out-of-water story showing an old-fashioned cowboy existing in today’s world. Maybe his blood is a match to his new ‘daughter’ in the present who is really a great-great granddaughter.
• How: Strikes his head in a parallel accident to the Texas ranger from 1908.
• Part Withheld: Who is Tom and what part does he play in the reincarnation?

[Brenda Boddy]

The assignment posted did not paste as a chart, so it’s hard to determine what I was trying to achieve.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Show relationship map.
What I learned…this really took a while. My show is generating in my head and ideas about how my characters would evolve and interact were made so much clearer. It is a valuable lesson.
TV Relationship Map
JUSTICE/NEW JUSTICE
KENZIE
SAMANTHA
MASON
Surface
WIFE/INHERITED WIFE
Married couple
DAUGHTER/INHERITED DAUGHTER
Parent and child
TEAMMATE/INHERITED TEAMMATE
Co-worker
Common Ground
Both raising Samantha now.
Related.
Work together taking down criminals.
Conflict
Old Justice abused her/Kenzie can’t get past associating Justice with his predecessor. Both carry traumas from their pasts that make it hard to see things on the same page. Justice has never raised a child and their parenting would conflict.
She hates Justice for the abuse of her mother. She is trying to poison him. Her hatred is a point of conflict and her teenage desire to be out from under a parent will cause stress, while he will have to prove himself as a father.
Mason is a stickler for following the law and working his way up the ladder, while Justice will take a short cut and not worry about where the chips might fall. Mason will deal with competition and jealousy. Mason will begin to fall for Miley but move on to fall for Kenzie as he gets to know her, bringing out Justice’s protective instinct toward someone he is responsible for .
History
The original Justice was a wife abuser. New Justice holds family dear.
She doesn’t trust or want to be with her abusive father. She hates him and wishes he were dead.
Old Justice treated Mason like one of the bullies left behind in school. He disliked him but was
determined to rise above him.
Subtext
She wants to escape her husband. She hates him. She’s scheming to leave.
She wants to kill her father because s she doesn’t believe they can get away from him. She hates him. She’s stealing poison to kill him.
He desperately wants to be Justice’s friend, but Justice’s ignorance makes him act superior?
Relationship Arc
From Kenzie hating and trying to escape her husband, to Kenzie accepting that he’s someone else and grudgingly works with him.
From trying to kill him, to accepting he’s someone else. From hating him to admiring him, wanting to learn to ride a horse, etc.
From trying to be friends to being jealous of Justice, moving quicker than himself into a leadership position and having Miley’s love which Mason wants, before finally falling for Kenzie. From competing with Justice to finally working with him as a partner.
TV Relationship Map
JEWEL
MASON
MILEY
JUSTICE
Surface
CO-WORKERS
CO-WORKER
CO-WORKER
Common Ground
Both have empathy for underdogs. Both use the job to make a positive impact, and both seek to be in a position of power over bullies and to
Resilience and determination in the face of adversity. A strong sense of Justice and desire to make an impact. Intense need for belonging and acceptance.
Previous Justice and new Justice are both partners of Jewel.
New Justice and Jewel are both intent on punishing those responsible for hurting others.
recreate themselves.
Both Jewel and Justice are in the middle of overcoming obstacles and have a determination to succeed.
Conflict
Both compete for advancement and recognition in the agency. Jewel deals with deception and covert operations while Mason follows rules and wants everything straight forward. Jewel may have communication issues as she can be secretive, while Mason is straightforward. Jewel as an unorthodox method of problem solving, while Mason wants to do everything by the book.
Miley’s validation by clinging to relationships might view Jewel’s reserved demeanor as rejection of friendship. Jewel might view Miley’s self-harm in the face of rejection as weak or counterproductive. Jewel’s need to protect her undercover assignment might push Miley into becoming paranoid or suspicious. Miley taking an interest in Justice will create jealousy in the ranks.
Jewels previous dislike of Justice may prevent her from trusting him completely. His unorthodox methods may make him suspect to her in her distrust of men in general. Jewel’s reliance on modern technology may clash with Justice’s old-fashioned approach.
History
Mason was settled in the BORTAC unit when Jewel arrived. Mason is needy for friendship while still trying to make it up the ladder. Jewel is a plant from internal affairs and
Miley and Jewel have worked together for some time. Each is aware of the other’s faults…Miley with her Bulimia and coping mechanisms and Jewel with her past
Previous Justice came onto Jewel, trying to coax her into a relationship. Jewel found his behavior disgusting and his attitude conceited. She hid her animosity for the sake of her
suspects everyone, particularly Justice, of being a mole.
of being in a trafficking ring.
undercover assignment.
Subtext Jewel might improvise and take risks, employing unconventional tactics and bypassing procedure. Mason will have meticulous attention to detail and plan actions. He demonstrates his worth through flawless execution. He will have charts and graphs while Jewel will fly from the seat of her pants. Miley would show her compassion through acts of kindness to others, diligent training to be part of the team, and a sharp wit. Jewel will be fiercely protective of her team and keep her emotions more tightly controlled. She will be more vigilant at protecting herself and others.
Jewel’s actions will be focused and calculated where Justice’s will be impulsive and spontaneous. She will hide her heart due to her bad relationships with men, while he will wear his on his sleeve due to his great love for his dead wife. Jewel will constantly be alert for suspicious activity while Justice will be laid back and chivalrous. Jewel will be emotionally guarded. Justice will be stubborn and headstrong.
Relationship Arc
Distrust to full partners.
Supporting each other to being rivals.
Hating each other to falling in love.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Character emotions
What I learned doing this assignment: This was a breakthrough for me. It showed me how to give my characters subtext through their actions. The backstory creates the present actions.
ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show
Watch the next episode of your Example Show and create an Emotional Profile for two or three main characters in this show.
Clark:
A. HOPE: To save the ship/Fear: They will kill off more people.
B. WANT: To contact the ship. NEED: To be with Finn or maybe have a connection with someone after feeling her mom betrayed her.
C. BASE NEGATIVE EMOTION: Pain over father and perceived mother’s betrayal. Public Mask: Savior and healer.
D. WEAKNESSES:
E. TRIGGERS: Her pain and fear of failure.
F. COPING MECHANISM: Fight back.

Bellamy:
G. HOPE: To keep the adults, on the arc, from coming to earth. FEAR: They will punish him.
H. WANT: To protect his sister.
I. BASE NEGATIVE EMOTION: Guilt for his mother’s death and his sister’s imprisonment. Public Mask: Leader
J. WEAKNESSES: Terrified of being powerless.
K. TRIGGERS: Anything that feels like it will take his power or endanger his sister.
L. COPING MECHANISM: Action and potentially dominating the resistance he faces.

________________________________________
ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show
1. For each of your main characters, brainstorm an Emotional Profile, filling in the following:

JUSTICE:
• A. Situational: Hope: To go home. / Fear: That he’s stuck in the future.
• B. Motivation: Want: To go home. / Need: Fit in with his peers. Survival in the new world.
• C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Not qualified. Fear. / Public Mask: Confident, lawman. Capable.
• D. Weaknesses: Lack of knowledge.
• E. Triggers: Fear (danger to family, that he will fail his ‘test’ and not be able to go home, that he won’t make it as a modern lawman). Bad actors, bullying, someone taking advantage of a weaker person.
• F. Coping Mechanism: Action, fight back.
CHARACTER ARC HISTORY: Justice is a fish out of water from the past, who needs to learn modern ways. He was married to the love of his life who died in childbirth, leaving him a son who was four at the time Justice reincarnated.
Justice was raised by an educated lawyer back East but was dyslexic and had trouble reading and writing. He embarrassed his upright, snooty father, who was disappointed in him and blamed his lack of education on being lazy.
Justice moved to the Southwest and kicked around on cattle ranches and eventually worked his way into becoming a Texas ranger, finding that he had a knack for shooting and riding. When he fell in love with Elizabeth, he laid his heart at her feet and, to his ongoing guilt, even allowed the competition for her hand to die in a horse accident when he came upon him and could have saved him. He has killed his share of men and isn’t afraid to use his fists when needed. He smokes, drinks, and occasionally whores (because a man has needs but doesn’t feel this is unfaithful to his past love).
CHARACTER ARC – PRESENT: In this new world, Justice will have to hide his inability to read. His language will be old-fashioned and educated. He will be desperate to get back to his son, while trying to survive and learn the ways of a new era. He will have to be courageous and capable to fit into his new job as a BORTAC agent, while being terrified that he’s not up to the job.
Holding onto his love for his wife, Justice will not consummate a relationship with Samantha’s mother, but find an odd attraction to Jewel, who is at odds with him. Miley’s attention will be unwelcome and cause further conflict, pushing him to enter a fake relationship to keep her at bay. His parenting will take a new turn as he is now responsible for a teenage daughter who has been emotionally abused and is full of anger and challenge.

SAMANTHA:
• A. Situational: Hope: to have a normal family. / Fear: Her father will kill her mom.
• B. Motivation: Want: Friends and safety. / Need: To be out of an abusive situation.
• C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Anger / Public Mask: Timid, reclusive.
• D. Weaknesses: Not an adult.
• E. Triggers: Bullying. Abuse.
• F. Coping Mechanism: Recluse, plotting revenge.

MILEY:
• A. Situational: Hope: To find someone to love her and stay. / Fear: That she is flawed/less then good enough/ attracts death.
• B. Motivation: Want: Someone in her life to love. / Need: To accept herself for who she is.
• C. Mask: Base Negative: Worthless, self-absorbed. / Public Mask: Self-sacrificing helper.
• D. Weaknesses: Falls for anyone who shows interest and is taken advantage of.
• E. Triggers: Rejection.
• F. Coping Mechanism: Overeating, bulimia, stalking.
CHARACTER ARC – HISTORY: Growing up in a humble farming community as one of three children raised by a single mother, she learned the value of hard work, resilience, and compassion from a young age. Despite financial struggles, her mother instilled in her a sense of optimism and a belief in the power of kindness.
Her natural inclination to champion the underdog was evident even in her youth where she often stood up for those who were marginalized or mistreated. This desire to help others, combined with her determination to overcome adversity, fueled her ambition to pursue a career where she could make a difference.
In school, she pursued mechanics to empower herself to work on her on rig, a big truck that symbolized her independence and self-sufficiency. She found solace in country music, which resonated with the values of hard work, resilience, and community that she held dear.
When Miley was a teenager, tragedy struck when her two brothers were both killed in a car accident, a result of weekend drinking and carousing. This was followed just a short year later, when Miley’s mother, dying of cancer, begged her to help with assisted suicide. Miley’s guilt over this combined with the loss of everyone she held dear, moved her to begin becoming consumed with the people she dated. She began obsessing about her looks and became bulimic as well as striving to be everything, the person she was dating, held dear. She became terrified of being unloved and left alone in the world.

CHARACTER ARC PRESENT: Miley is stalking her ex…She moves her interest to Justice as she becomes attracted to his masculine capability. (He eventually uses someone else – Kenzie? Jewel? – as a pretend love interest to throw her off) …She tries to discredit whoever she thinks he likes, but when that person is in danger she breaks down and helps her.

JEWEL:
A. Situational: Hope: To feel confident and successful. To help others. / Fear: That she returns to a situation where she no longer has control. A victim.
B. Motivation: Want: Revenge. / Need: To find peace.
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Victim / Public Mask: Modern Robin Hood activist.
D. Weaknesses: Being powerless.
E. Triggers: Male aggression or negativity toward females.
F. Coping Mechanism: Fights back, manipulates, takes revenge.

CHARACTER ARC – HISTORY: As a child she experienced instability and trauma in the foster care system, bouncing around from one home to another. The lack of stability and consistent caregiving left her feeling abandoned and vulnerable, leading her to develop a strong sense of self-reliance from a young age.
At a pivotal moment in her teenage years, she found herself trapped in an abusive foster home environment. Recognizing that she was the only one who could change her situation, she made the courageous decision to leave.
Faced with the harsh realities of life on the streets, she quickly learned to rely on her resourcefulness and adaptability to survive, until she was snatched up by a drug ring, backed by Cuervo and Miguel. Whether it was finding shelter, securing food, or navigating dangerous situations, she honed her survival skills through trial and error, refusing to let adversity break her spirit.
At a community center she became involved in several programs and services aimed at supporting the physical, emotional, and educational well-being of children and adolescents from underserved backgrounds. They helped her escape the clutches of her Cuervo. She quickly learned that education and access to resources such as computers and books gave her essential skills to work and meet her needs.
With a fierce drive to take control of her own destiny, she worked herself up the ranks of law enforcement and set her sights on BORTAC, a career that made her feel in charge of her life.

CHARACTER ARC – PRESENT: Jewel is working with Internal Affairs to figure out who is a ‘rat’ in the BORTAC agency and might be working with the Mexican Cartel. She is eager to take the cartel down and bitter about the abuse she received at the cartel’s hands, when they owned her as a sex slave. She dreams about revenge.

Internal affairs are investigating Justice. Jewel is aware of Justice’s predecessor’s sexual desires due to his crude flirtations in the work environment when around Jewel. He disgusted her. However, when faced with this new Justice, Jewel is confused and wary of her role in the investigation. Should she proceed to try and expose him if he is no longer the man who possessed the body before? She bristles with animosity.
In the meantime, Jewel has crossed her own moral lines by confronting and killing several sexual predators on her own. It isn’t long before she is complicit with Justice in dealing with the Mexican cartel, and messing up the very investigation that she is involved in.
(When Miley becomes increasingly obsessed over Justice, Jewel enters into a fake relationship with him to keep Miley away?)

MASON:

CHARACTER ARC – HISTORY: Mason was a privileged child who was expected to be a doctor like his dad. Awkward and nerdy, he was often beat up and pushed around and immersed himself in marvel comics of heroes. Shortly after graduating, he trained and obtained the BORTAC position, causing a fight with his father.
Mason is a rule follower and a perfectionist. He wears a mask of joking and chivalry but will punish himself when he feels like he’s failed at a task. He feels vindicated when a bully goes down.

CHARACTER ARC – PRESENT
Mason is eager to be friends with Justice, while gnashing his teeth when Justice crosses boundaries. He is in love with Miley and anguished that she sees everyone else but him (He reminds her of a brother.) He is jealous of Justice’s easy comradeship with others and strives to imitate Justice. In the end he is a true friend, but often plays second fiddle to everyone else.

• A. Situational: Hope: To be popular and have friends. / Fear: No one truly likes him.
• B. Motivation: Want: Miley and friends. / Need: To accept himself.
• C. Mask: Base Negative: Worthless / Public Mask: Fun loving chick magnet.
• D. Weaknesses: Insecurity, overcompensation, lack of boundaries.
• E. Triggers: When left out. Hypersensitivity to slights. Enraged when criticized.
• F. Coping Mechanism: Self-punishment.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Brenda Boddy. Reason: Something is wrong with the link and it won't post correctly

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy

What I learned about doing this assignment: I’ve been playing with this area of my script thought process. I gave my characters traits and I keep changing them. What I needed to figure out first was what their purpose was in the script.

Assignment/Lesson three

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Watch the next episode of your Example Show to see any places the lead characters might fit this model.

Tell us the name and Engaging Profile answers for at least one character from your example show. WELLS JAHA is the black es-friend of CLARK (the heroine). His past actions, which suggest a betrayal, have Clark angry with him. However, this episode seems to suggest there was a hidden reason that Clark’s father was betrayed, that didn’t have to do with Wells.

Role: The ex-friend

Unique purpose: Has some survival knowledge and is the ‘good guy’ pushing others to do the right thing.

Intrigue: Seems like he may not be the one who betrayed Clark.

Moral Issue: Didn’t want to take off bracelet but did from peer pressure.

Unpredictable: He’s in love with Clark, so he might do whatever it takes to help her. He shoots an attacking jungle cat, which is not what you would expect.

Emphatic: He desperately wants to be in Clark’s good graces, which makes us feel bad for him.

ASSIGNMENT 2:

Now, do the process with your show.

1. Tell us the journey of your show.

Justice starts out a fish out of water. He brings an antiquated knowledge of being a lawman and skill for using weapons. At the end of the season, he needs to know how to be part of a BORTAC unit with more advanced technology and prove capable of raising a daughter in an LGBQ world.

2. Who are the main characters that will sell your show?

a. Justice:

i. Role in show: Protagonist. It’s his journey of evolution.

ii. Unique purpose/ A lawman with a moral code, that is skilled in getting the job done. To understand his role and survive in a new age.

iii. Intrigue: He is from 1908. He is not the same person everyone else thinks he is.

iv. Moral issue: He has an old-fashioned sense of family and values, but they don’t necessarily match modern values.

v. Unpredictable: He will move in any direction necessary to keep his family safe and survive.

vi. Emphatic: He is mourning the loss of his son that he left behind.

b. Samantha:

i. Role: Justice’s inherited bi-racial daughter.

ii. Unique purpose: She gives Justice a reason to move forward. Her goal is to protect her mom and survive as a teenager in the modern world.

iii. Intrigue: She’s like a cornered animal – quiet but poised to strike out if the opportunity arises.

iv. Moral issue: She knows ‘right’ from ‘wrong’ but is willing to kill her father to stop the ongoing abuse to her family.

v. Unpredictable: She is purposefully scheming behind Justice’s back.

vi. Emphatic: We understand she is trying to protect her mom from further torment.

c. Jewel:

i. Role: Mentor.

ii. Unique purpose: She is capable and self-reliant. She will go the extra mile for someone and defend a friend to the death. The other agents trust her to get the job done.

iii. Intrigue: Jewel is very human. She has tattoos, smokes, and drinks.

iv. Moral issue: She doesn’t associate with her partners outside of work, but now she’s helping Justice learn the ropes.

v. Unpredictable: She will cross the lines of the law to help a friend.

vi. Emphatic: She lost a baby and can’t have anymore.

d. Kenzie:

i. Role: Justice’s black wife.

ii. Unique purpose: She will be able to contrast the before and after Justice. Her arc will be to accept him, as someone different from her abusive ex-husband, but never love him again. They will co-raise their daughter (if she doesn’t get killed off at some point).

iii. Intrigue: She also has an agenda to escape her abusive husband.

iv. Moral issue: When her daughter tries to kill Justice, she takes the blame.

v. Unpredictable: She’s meek and tolerates being treated poorly unless her child is involved and then she’s like a mother bear.

vi. Emphatic: We sympathize with her treatment and wounds from the previous Justice.

e. Mason:

i. Role: Friend/mentor

ii. Unique purpose: Play off Justice’s man’s man personality as a more nerdy, intellectual team member. He plays by the rules.

iii. Intrigue: (Maybe someone who turns Justice in someday? I need to think about this one).

iv. Moral issue: He’s a rule-follower, but as Justice’s new best friend he’ll need to keep Justice’s identity a secret.

v. Unpredictable: ?

vi. Emphatic: He was always beat up in school and expected to go to college. BORTAC is not a direction his family wanted him to go.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy’s Intriguing Character Layers

What I learned doing this assignment: I had previously thought about character traits. Then I came up with backstories, which helped this process. Finally, I added the intriguing character points listed below. This actually helped pinpoint the way the story could go and prompted me to change several characters so that they weren’t just ‘good team players’ that didn’t have much interest.

ASSIGNMENT 1:

1. Think about your Example Show. Make a list of the places you’ve already seen Character Intrigue in the previous episodes.

Wells has a secret. Blake has an agenda to get the people, from the arc, to Earth. Bellamy doesn’t want the arc people to come down, which puts him at odds with Blake, but he respects her when she is able to mercy kill another kid. Gracie has a wound (the commander killed her parents) that causes her to kill Wells. Bellamy is in competition with John Murphy to control the other kids-Bellamy beginning to lean toward having rules and consequences, John trying to rule out of terror and violence.

ASSIGNMENT 2

1. For your Inner Circle characters, fill in any of the Intrigue items that apply.

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[Brenda Boddy]

What I learned doing this assignment…While there can be many characters, the journey primarily focuses on just one or two.

ASSIGNMENT 1: The

A. Main Characters Circle: Clark Griffin (blond heroine), Bellamy Blake (love interest), Octavia and John (New leader want-to-be and his sister).

B. Connected Circle: Thelonious (likes heroine), Monty and Jasper (sidekicks), Dr. Abigail Griffin, Marcus Kane, Nathan Miller, Echo (Main group left on satellite ship).

C. Environment Circle: Other kids on Earth, other people in satellite, the animals and population who evolved on Earth.

ASSIGNMENT 2:

1. The three circles of characters for my show.

A. Main Characters Circle: Justice Baird (protagonist), 5 persons in
his BORTAC team (specifically Jewel who becomes his love interest), His
new family (specifically the daughter, Samantha).
B. Connected Circle: His commander, his wife (Kenzie), Tom (part of
paranormal team), the rest of his BORTAC team. Agent Davis (internal affairs),
Louisa Cuervo (head of a Mexican cartel).
C. Environment Circle: Other BORTAC agents. Other criminals. Other
members of the cartel, the BORTAC agency, Internal affairs, Office of
paranormal events, and bystanders.

2. A one sentence description of each of the Main Characters.

Hank Bamer, a Texas ranger from 1908, reincarnates into the body of a corrupt BORTAC agent, becoming Justice Baird. Character traits: Courageous, Old-fashioned, impulsive, hard-headed.

MASON, a BORTAC partner who was a privileged child, often picked on by peers. Character traits: Intelligent, Nerdy, Vain-stylish, Mature.

JEWEL: A BORTAC partner and future romance. Character traits: Competent, resourceful, cautious, and self-reliant to a fault. Also, bulimic and lacks self-esteem.

SAMANTHA: Justice Baird’s daughter and HANK BAMER’s great, great granddaughter. She hates the abuse and violence Justice heaps on her mom and is trying to kill him.: Protective, anxious, emotionally guarded, self-harm (cutting).

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Laree Griffith.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy

What I learned doing this assignment…I expected the pilot to end on a hook, but I also noticed that character building in the new world was important to the script to keep the audience engaged. And there were a number of scenes that built on the changes in the new world, while building curiosity and suspense.

1. I chose ‘The 100’ as the show I would follow. After watching multiple trailers, this seemed to fit the model, AN INNOCENT ON A MISSION IN A STRANGE WORLD, which is the binge pilot I am creating.

a. The START: The female protagonist is in jail.

b. Our attention is caught when she is targeted by the guards. She’s afraid she will be killed. We know they are on a space station and Earth is uninhabited now. We are caught up in her inciting incident. She resists the start of her journey until her mom explains this is a chance for her. We sympathize with her character as we realize she is a good person in a bad situation, made worse by her father being killed unjustly, and her mom being in danger from the authority figure on the space station.

c. She is sent to a new world with other youth. Her journey into a new world begins and we see she is unimpressed with a happy-go-lucky boy. Her character traits at this stage are: rule follower, positive, motivated, and a ‘princess’ (she seems to think she’s more on top of things than the others).

d. She lays out a plan based on her own knowledge and begins a journey to a mountain to get food. Again, the audience’s attention is captured when we see a two headed deer and glowing plants…we know things have changed since the nuclear event on Earth.

e. We begin to see a transformation as she starts to like the happy-go-lucky boy, but now pitfalls are beginning to happen. We see a strange man-eating snake in the water that intrigues the audience while building tension for the young people’s safety. We now know this world could be dangerous. The heroine will need to change how she proceeds in this new world.

f. Meanwhile, a young man who stayed behind is setting himself up to be the leader. We find out he tried to kill the commander on the starship to get himself arrested. Even though he is ‘bad’ we sympathize with him for wanting to go to Earth and be with his sister (another passenger). He is protective of his family and doesn’t want the ‘parents’ to join them, where they might potentially fall under the parents control again. He doesn’t trust the parents to not want to kill or imprison them again. His destroying their bracelets, the link to the starship, changes the status quo on Earth and moves things in his favor, while changing the return situation for the group who went to the mountain.

g. When the heroine and her group attempt to cross the river, one of the team is hit by an arrow. This creates a binge-watching situation when the pilot ends and the audience want to know who threw the spear, who else is alive on this ‘new’ Earth, and how have they evolved (since we previously saw the two headed deer and the man-eating snake).

2. From that, make a list of the 5 Star Points for that show.

1. Big Picture Hooks
   It is serial. Looking at something we haven’t seen, it would be…A group of
   young persons, who have only heard about Earth, are sent there to survive,
   in a post-nuclear world that is different from anything we’ve seen. Hooks
   would be…When the authorities grab the heroine, and she thinks she is
   targeted to be killed. When the group of youth encounter unique glowing
   plants and we realize this is a very different world. When a unique footprint
   is found that shows something has evolved on this world. When the group
   encounters and must survive the giant man-eating snake in the water. When one
   youth is struck and killed by a spear, making us wonder who and what has
   evolved on this Earth. These are action scenes that move the story
   forward.
2. Amazing and Intriguing Character:
   Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting? The
   heroine is interesting because we know she has some basic knowledge of
   Earth and will be part of survival here. She has a plan, and the journey begins
   with following her plan. The youth that sets himself up as leader is intriguing
   because we sympathize with why he is on Earth and why he doesn’t want the ‘parents’
   to come down and join them. We don’t like how he’s going about it, but we
   understand why he is doing it.
3. Empathy / Distress
   Ask this: What situation causes us to feel both empathy and distress for
   this character? See previous examples.
4. Layers / Open Loops
   Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only
   be answered by watching the entire season? What other ways has Earth
   changed? Who or what has evolved, that threw the spear, that killed the
   person.
5. Inviting Obsession
   Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?
   Because we all live on Earth, the concept or ideal we haven’t seen (an Earth
   after a nuclear event) draws our curiosity. The character who is trying to
   take over the leadership role, makes us want to see how things evolve when
   the group, that left to scavenge food, returns. We want to see who or what
   evolved over the last hundred years, that killed the youth.

[Brenda Boddy]

1. Brenda Boddy

2. I’ve written four scripts.

3. I hope to learn how to market and create additional scripts in a bingeworthy series.

[Brenda Boddy]

1. Brenda Boddy

2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Brenda Boddy]

LOGLINE: Carley believes Marcus is a nerdy accountant until they are ambushed by thugs, and he proves to be an accomplished marksman.

Essence: Things aren’t what they seem.

INT. CAR – DAY

MARCUS (34), the definition of a nerdy accountant, drives the car, glancing in the mirror at a black sedan that is weaving its way up behind him and his passenger.

CARLEY (28) pulls lipstick from her purse.

CARLEY

There’s always an excuse. No one works as many hours as you do, unless they’re having an affair. At least be honest with me.

She flips down her visor mirror and applies lipstick. She doesn’t notice the sedan is right behind them now.

MARCUS

You know it’s tax time, honey. I don’t have time for an affair. All those extra hours are what’s paying the bills.

Carley flips up her visor. Marcus looks in his mirror again. He quickly takes a right at the next intersection.

Carley clutches her door handle.

CARLEY

Geez. Take it easy.–Other accountants seem to make it home each night. You’re lying to me.

Marcus glances in his mirror. The sedan is still behind them. He speeds up and takes a ramp onto the freeway. The sedan follows.

MARCUS

I’m sorry. I get it. I’ve been away a lot lately. I didn’t think you’d notice. You seem to be gone every night yourself.

CARLEY

None of that matters. I was trying to get your attention.–

Carley glances at his speedometer.

–Will you slow down?

MARCUS

Hang on.

The sedan rear ends them, sending their car swerving dangerously across several lanes, narrowly missing sideswiping another car. Marcus gets their car straightened out. He increases their speed.

Carley clutches the door handle, her eyes wide with fear.

CARLEY

Marcus just pull over. Get out of their way.

Marcus grimly increases speed, looking in his mirror.

CARLEY

Pull over. Let them pass.

The sedan pulls up even with them. Two hooded THUGS stare into their car.

MARCUS

Get your head down.

Carley, even more terrified, ducks as bullets shatter the windows. Marcus slams their car into the sedan, sending it sideways, before he crosses the grass divider and speeds down the highway going the wrong way against traffic.

CARLEY

Get of off the road, Marcus. Just get off the road.

The sedan follows, both cars weaving as oncoming traffic splits to the sides to avoid them.

The sedan pulls even with the car again and Marcus–

–PULLS A GUN, exchanging SHOTS with the sedan. The passenger slumps over.

CARLEY

(huddled down)

Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Where did you get that gun? What is happening?

Marcus looks in the mirror, noting the sedan still following. A second SEDAN now stays parallel with them in the correct lane of travel.

Marcus swerves back over the grass meridian into the flow of traffic. Both sedans follow, trying to creep up on both sides. Marcus suddenly leaves the highway, flying up a ramp, screaming through an intersection and skids sharply around a corner.

Behind them, one of the black sedans is t-boned by a truck in the intersection. The second one keeps coming.

Marcus sends his car bouncing through a field toward an old barn. He hands his gun to Carley.

MARCUS

We’re fixing to be in a gunfight. Just point and shoot.

Marcus slides the car up next to the barn.

MARCUS

Inside. Move.

Marcus and Carley scramble from the car. Marcus grabs his briefcase from the back seat and they sprint into the barn.

INT. BARN – CONTINUOUS

Marcus slides to his knees, ripping the briefcase open and assembles a high tech rifle.

Carley stares.

CARLEY

Accountant, my ass.

She ducks frantically as several bullets hit the barn. She can see, through the slats of the barn, two men scrambling toward the barn. One breaks off and heads around back.

CARLEY

Here they come.

Carley shoots over the remaining thugs head.

CARLEY

I don’t know if I can shoot someone.

Marcus scrambles to his feet and runs to the door, sending a volley of shots toward the man out front, who returns a round of rifle fire. Marcus and Carley hit the ground, side by side.

Marcus crawls to Carley.

MARCUS

You’d better figure it out quick.

Marcus kisses Carley fiercely.

MARCUS

I’ll take the guy out back. I love you.

Marcus scrambles toward his feet and runs toward the back of the barn as the back door slams open. A thug dives in, rolling across the floor, shooting at Marcus.

Marcus is spun backward as a bullet hits his shoulder. He jumps forward again, sending a volley toward the intruder.

The second thug bursts through the front of the barn, gun blazing. Carley, standing quietly next to the door with her gun raised, fires a shot into his head.

Marcus starts toward her.

MARCUS

Good girl. I didn’t think you had it in you.

Carley’s eyes widen as the thug by the back door starts to rise.

Marcus shoots the thug again. Carley runs into his arms and they kiss.

MARCUS

Are you going to be okay?

Carley anxiously touches his shoulder.

CARLEY

I’ll be fine but we need to get you to a doctor. You’re bleeding pretty bad.

Marcus touches his shoulder and shrugs, smiling reassuringly at Carley.

CARLEY

I think it’s time to tell me who you really are.

[Brenda Boddy]

LOGLINE: Carley is determined to find out why her husband is never home, when they are attacked while driving, and only escape through their joined efforts.

ESSENCE: Conflict brings out Marcus’s true identity.

INT. CAR – DAY

MARCUS (34), the definition of a nerdy accountant, drives the car, glancing in the mirror at a black sedan that is weaving its way up behind him and his passenger.

CARLEY (28) pulls lipstick from her purse.

CARLEY

There’s always an excuse. No one works as many hours as you do, unless they’re having an affair. At least be honest with me.

She flips down her visor mirror and applies lipstick. She doesn’t notice the sedan is right behind them now.

MARCUS

You know it’s tax time, honey. I don’t have time for an affair. All those extra hours are what’s paying the bills.

Carley flips up her visor. Marcus looks in his mirror again. He puts on his blinker and quickly takes a right at the next intersection.

Carley clutches her door handle.

CARLEY

Geez. Take it easy.–Other accountants seem to make it home each night.

Marcus glances in his mirror. The sedan is still behind them. He speeds up and takes a ramp onto the freeway. The sedan follows.

MARCUS

I’m sorry. I get it. I’ve been away a lot lately. I didn’t think you’d notice. You seem to be gone every night yourself.

Carley glances at his speedometer.

CARLEY

None of that matters. I was trying to get your attention.–Will you slow down?

MARCUS

Hang on.

The sedan rear ends them, sending their car swerving dangerously across several lanes, narrowly missing sideswiping another car. Marcus gets their car straightened out. He increases their speed.

Carley clutches the door handle, her eyes wide with fear.

CARLEY

Are they nuts! Marcus just pull over. Get out of their way.

Marcus grimly increases speed, looking in his mirror.

CARLEY

They’ll think you’re racing them. Just pull over.

The sedan pulls up even with them. Two hooded THUGS stare into their car.

MARCUS

Get your head down.

Carley, even more terrified, ducks as bullets shatter the windows. Marcus slams their car into the sedan, sending it sideways, before he crosses the grass divider and speeds down the highway going the wrong way against traffic.

CARLEY

Get of off the road, Marcus. Just get off the road.

The sedan follows, both cars weaving as oncoming traffic splits to the sides to avoid them.

The sedan pulls even with the car again and Marcus–

–PULLS A GUN, exchanging SHOTS with the sedan. The passenger slumps over.

CARLEY

(huddled down)

Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Where did you get that gun? What is happening?

Marcus looks in the mirror, noting the sedan still following. A second SEDAN now stays parallel with them in the correct lane of travel.

Marcus swerves back over the grass meridian into the flow of traffic. Two sedans now follow, trying to creep up on both sides. Marcus suddenly leaves the highway, flying up a ramp, screaming through an intersection and sharply around a corner.

Behind them, one of the black sedans is t-boned by a truck in the intersection. The second one keeps coming.

Marcus sends his car bouncing through a field toward an old barn. He hands his gun to Carley.

MARCUS

We’re fixing to be in a gunfight. Just point and shoot.

Marcus slides the car up next to the barn.

MARCUS

Inside. Move.

Marcus and Carley scramble from the car. Marcus grabs his briefcase from the back seat and they sprint into the barn.

INT. BARN – CONTINUOUS

Marcus slides to his knees, ripping the briefcase open and assembling a high tech rifle.

Carley looks anxiously through the slats of the barn as two men slide from the sedan that followed them.

CARLEY

Here they come.

Carley shoots over their heads. They duck and split, circling the barn.

CARLEY

I don’t know if I can shoot them.

Marcus rolls to his feet and runs to the door, sending a volley of shots toward the man out front, who returns a round of rifle fire. Marcus and Carley hit the ground.

Marcus crawls to Carley.

MARCUS

You’d better figure it out quick.

Marcus kisses Carley fiercely.

MARCUS

I’ll take the guy out back. I love you.

Marcus scrambles toward his feet and runs toward the back of the barn as the back door slams open. A thug dives in, rolling across the floor, shooting at Marcus.

Marcus is spun backward as a bullet hits his shoulder, but he jumps forward again, sending a volley toward the intruder.

The second thug bursts through the front of the barn, gun blazing. Carley, standing quietly next to the door with her gun raised, fires a shot into his head.

Marcus starts toward her.

MARCUS

Good girl. I didn’t think you had it in you.

Carley’s eyes widen as the thug by the back door starts to rise.

Marcus shoots the thug again. Carley runs into his arms and they kiss.

MARCUS

Where’d you learn to shoot like that?

Carley anxiously touches his shoulder.

CARLEY

We need to get you to a doctor, honey. You’re bleeding pretty bad.

Marcus touches his shoulder and shrugs, smiling reassuringly at Carley.

CARLEY

I think it’s time for my husband to tell me who he really is.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Q5 Scene

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – HOTEL

Gaggles of elegantly dressed MEN and WOMEN chat together, holding drinks, in groups that merge and flow as they visit.

PHILLIP (43), suit stretched to its limits over his paunch, stands with another guest, RYAN. The two laugh and talk, their eyes following one beautiful woman and then another, making it obvious what they are discussing.

Phillip leaves his companion and meanders across the room to BRANDY (21) strikingly eye catching in her form fitting dress and perfectly made-up face. She stands alone at the bar, sipping a cocktail.

PHILLIP

Enjoying the evening?

BRANDY

Taking a breather. Please don’t be mad. I’ll get back out and mingle.

Phillip nods at Ryan, who watches them, a big grin on his face.

PHILLIP

I feel bad for pushing you like this. You’ve entertained your share today.

(off Ryan’s questioning look)

Ryan really likes you. He asked me if I could introduce him.

BRANDY

You sound like I have a choice. I’m your best girl and you treat me no different than the others.

PHILLIP

Don’t be difficult. You know how nice I can be if things go my way.

BRANDY

I should be entitled to some down time. I’m already exhausted and it’s still early.

PHILLIP

I’m sorry. I get it. You were born with a tight ass, and I was born with money. I wouldn’t like it if our roles were reversed, but they aren’t. And right now, you aren’t making me more money, so go play nice with Ryan.

BRANDY

I could just walk out that door.

Phillip leans on the bar and sips his drink, his soft smile never breaking.

PHILLIP

Brandy, honey. You don’t want to end up at the bottom of the river. I give you a life of luxury and you make me rich. Now play nice with Ryan. I expect him to come back and tell me you’re the best fuck he’s ever had.

Brandy SIGHS. She leans back against the bar and thrusts her breasts out, slowly moving her torso from side to side. Ryan’s smile gets bigger. He moves their way.

BRANDY

(from the side of her mouth)

I deserve a medal for the disgusting crap I’ve spread my legs for.

The door bursts open and a horde of POLICE OFFICERS swarm in. They begin arresting all the women at the party.

OFFICER BARON approaches Brandy and Phillip. They turn Brandy and handcuff her.

OFFICER BARON

You’re under arrest for prostitution.

PHILLIP

Hey, you’ve got the wrong idea here. Brandy is my girlfriend. Tell him, honey.

BRANDY

You heard him. I’m his girl.

Officer Baron turns Phillip and handcuffs him also.

OFFICER BARON

I’m arresting you for kidnapping, prostituting women, and sexual slavery.

PHILLIP

That’s ridiculous. Tell him, Brandy. You’re here with me by choice. Right, baby?

Another officer approaches and Officer Baron pushes Phillip toward him.

OFFICER BARON

Take him to the car and read him his rights. We’ll deal with the women.

Officer Baron waits until Phillip is gone and then leads Brandy out a side door.

INT. SITTING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

OFFICER BARON

Are you okay?

He takes Brandy’s cuffs off. She reaches down her dress and pulls wires out.

BRANDY

I hope you got enough. I want that bastard to fry.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Cycle 5

What I learned. The Max Interest questions stimulates our brains to write the scene.

Logline: Phillip protects Brandy from the police but then we realize Brandy set it up.

Essence: Revenge

Character A (Brandy): Status seeking, Entertaining, Needy, Deceptive.

Character B (Phillip): Manipulative, Sense of entitlement, Guilt ridden, Polite.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – HOTEL

Gaggles of elegantly dressed men and women chat together, holding drinks, in groups that merge and flow as they visit.

PHILLIP (43), suit stretched to its limits over his paunch, stands with another guest. The two laugh and talk, their eyes following one beautiful woman and then another, making it obvious what they are discussing.

Phillip leaves his companion and meanders across the room to BRANDY (21) strikingly eye catching in her form fitting dress and perfectly made-up face. She stands alone at the bar, sipping a cocktail.

PHILLIP

Enjoying the evening?

BRANDY

Taking a breather. I know this is important to you. I’ll get back out and mingle.

Phillip nods to the gentleman he was just standing with, who watches them, a big grin on his face.

PHILLIP

Ryan really likes you. He asked me if I could introduce him.

BRANDY

You sound like I have a choice.

PHILLIP

Don’t be difficult. You know how nice I can be if things go my way.

BRANDY

Would a present make you feel better if you had to endure what we do?

PHILLIP

I’m sorry. I get it. You were born with a tight ass, and I was born with money. I wouldn’t like it if our roles were reversed, but they aren’t. And right now you aren’t making me any more money, so go play nice with Ryan.

BRANDY

Please don’t make me do this. What if I just walked out that door?

Phillip leans on the bar and sips his drink, his soft smile never breaking.

PHILLIP

Brandy, honey. You don’t want to end up at the bottom of the river. I give you a life of luxury and you make me rich. Now go over there and play nice with Ryan. I expect him to come back and tell me you’re the best fuck he’s ever had.

The door bursts open and a horde of POLICE OFFICERS swarm in. They begin arresting all the women at the party.

OFFICER BARON approaches Brandy and Phillip. They turn Brandy and handcuff her.

OFFICER BARON

You’re under arrest for prostitution.

PHILLIP

Hey, you’ve got the wrong idea here. Brandy is my girlfriend. Tell him, honey.

BRANDY

You heard him. I’m his girl.

Officer Baron turns Phillip and handcuffs him also.

OFFICER BARON

I’m arresting you for kidnapping, prostituting women, and sexual slavery.

PHILLIP

That’s ridiculous. Tell him, Brandy. You’re here with me by choice. Right, baby?

Another officer approaches and Officer Baron pushes Phillip toward him.

OFFICER BARON

Take him to the car and read him his rights. We’ll deal with the women.

Officer Baron waits until Phillip is gone and then leads Brandy out a side door.

INT. SITTING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

OFFICER BARON

Are you okay?

He takes Brandy’s cuffs off. She reaches down her dress and pulls wires out.

BRANDY

I hope you got enough. I want that bastard to fry.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Brenda Boddy.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Brenda Boddy.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Interest scene

What I learned – this scene was uncomfortable to write, but I felt I should be able to write anything a producer needed. I did the interest techniques first which really ‘wrote’ the scene below.

Logline: After being raped, Katherine uses her charms to poison Easton.

Essence: Revenge

Character A (Katherine): intelligent, vengeful, conniving, driven.

Character B (Easton): successful, womanizer, smart, powerful.

INT. BATHROOM – DAY

A woman, KATHERINE (19) stumbles into the bathroom, clutching her purse. She stands in front of a mirror, her face streaked with mascara tears and her hair disheveled. She buttons up her rumpled blouse, noticing a small rip in the material at the shoulder, and tucks it into a fingertip length black skirt. A shaking hand smooths her hair into place.

A man, EASTON (42) opens the door and hands her a drink, leaning on the doorframe.

EASTON

Here. Pull yourself together. You’re acting like a fucking baby.

Katherine takes the glass of wine numbly, setting it carefully on the counter.

KATHERINE

I told you. I didn’t want this.

The man’s gaze runs familiarly down Katherine’s form.

EASTON

Damn, you’re sexy. Even with that crybaby face. You’ve got blood running down your leg. When you’re cleaned up, we’ll have some dinner together.

Easton grabs a washcloth from the cabinet and hands it to Katherine who dabs at her leg, tears starting to flow again.

EASTON

You ain’t going to make it in this world if you don’t learn to co-operate better.

Easton grabs Katherine’s hair and pulls her head back, running his mouth down her neck.

KATHERINE

I have to go the bathroom. Can I have a minute?

Easton nods, running his hand over her bottom.

EASTON

Of course. I have some calls to make.

Easton closes the door as he exits, leaving Katherine to stand clutching the counter.

She stares at the glass of wine, her numb stare giving way to a hard expression. She opens the medicine cabinet and searches the contents, finally grabbing a bottle of pills.

Using a file from her purse she grinds the pills into powder against the countertop. She sweeps the whole mess into the glass of wine and stirs it with her finger. She spits in the wine.

Wetting another washcloth, Katherine cleans the streaked tears from her face and applies fresh lipstick. She exits the room with her glass of wine.

INT. LIVINGROOM/KITCHEN OPEN FLOOR PLAN – CONTINUOUS

Katherine takes a deep breath and glides toward Easton who is standing with his back to her talking on the phone.

EASTON

(into phone)

Hell. That’ll slow up production for a week. Shoot the scenes on the cliff first, and then we’ll double back on the bedroom scenes. Nobody wants to see a damn actress with a runny nose.

Katherine moves to the bar and pours another glass of wine. Easton finishes his call and turns, catching the sweet smile she sends him. He stands watching her quizzically as she brings both glasses toward him.

KATHERINE

You didn’t have to be so rough.

Katherine sets the glasses on the side table and leads Easton to a chair. She pushes him gently down and hikes her skirt, settling onto his lap.

KATHERINE

Let me show you how I like it.

Katherine runs her hands over Easton’s hair, picks up the glass of wine from the bathroom, and tips it to allow Easton a drink.

EASTON

This is a pretty radical change.

Katherine nibbles on his neck, pushing his hands away as he runs them over her breasts.

KATHERINE

No. It’s my turn.

She dips her finger in the wine, runs it around his lips and then gives him another drink.

KATHERINE

I had never…you know…done it. But now that it’s over, I want to… savor the experience.

EASTON

You surprise me.

Katherine unbuttons her blouse slowly, pulling her breasts out and undulating slowly in front of his eyes. She pushes his hands away again.

KATHERINE

No. I told you. It’s my way this time. Take a deep drink of wine and swish it around your mouth.

Easton complies. Katherine cups one full breast in her hand.

KATHERINE

Now close your eyes and drink from me like I’m your last bottle.

Easton closes his eyes and suckles Katherine. She caresses his hair and moans. His eyes pop open, eagerly watching her expression, pulling her into his mouth.

Katherine pushes him back.

KATHERINE

My God. This is so much better. Drink. Suck my other breast.

Easton eagerly gulps the rest of the wine, swishing it around his mouth and swallowing. He latches onto Katherine’s other breast, sucking greedily.

Katherine moans again, rubbing her hands through his hair. She pulls his head back by a handful of hair, kissing him fiercely on the mouth.

KATHERINE

(whispering in his ear)

You have a bathrobe belt? I’ve got a fantasy about a game of bondage. I want to suck you like you sucked me.

Easton heads toward the bedroom returning immediately with a pair of handcuffs. He swings them enticingly in front of Katherine.

EASTON

Tell me your fantasy. You want it here? In the bedroom?

KATHERINE

I plan on trying you every way. Let’s start with a chair.

Easton pulls a heavy dining chair over and motions for Katherine to sit down.

KATHERINE

You first. I get to undress and play with your body and then you get to do anything you want with mine.

Easton nods eagerly and sits down, allowing Katherine to cuff his hands behind the chair.

KATHERINE

You’ve been such a naughty boy.

She runs her hands over his shoulders, sending a smoldering look into his eyes. She slowly unbuttons his shirt, gently tweaking first one and then the other nipple. He shudders.

EASTON

Keep going, baby. This is good.

Katherine pauses, seems to think, her eyes opening wide.

KATHERINE

We need some toys. I’ve got an idea. I’m going to run get us some whip creme. Maybe some type of toys. I can be to the grocery down the street and back in about fifteen minutes.

EASTON

You’re doing fine. Keep going.

KATHERINE

No. I want you to anticipate what’s coming. I want you to want it like you’ll never have it this good again.

Katherine trails her hand lightly over his crotch, watching his wiggle and arch forward.

KATHERINE

Sit back and wait. Think about me.

(teasing)

Maybe even catnap and fantasize about what an evening you have coming.

EASTON

Wait…

KATHERINE

Shhhh. She touches his mouth lightly with her own, lingering, arousing him further.

Katherine steps away, collects her belongings, trails her hands one last time over his body, and steps out the door.

EXT. OFFICE HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS

Katherine marches down the hallway, her expression turning to anger, wiping her mouth fiercely.

KATHERINE

Fucking asshole. You just got the best and last audition you’ll ever see.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy

What I learned: Along with the other interest techniques, a reveal makes a scene more ‘bingeworthy’.

Justice and Mason have been reprimanded for not following protocol, causing a criminal to be released. Justice has previously tried to convince Mason (one of his three partners) that he’s from the past.

Logline: Mason has had it with Justice and the team retires to the bathroom to discuss what’s really happening.

Essence: Justice needs to prove who he is.

Coverup: Hank (from a hundred years ago) has noticed his ability to heal since he ended up in modern day Justice’s body.

Demand: Justice (Hank) messes up an arrest because he doesn’t know current protocol, pissing off his teammates.

Reveal: Justice has to prove who he really is.

INT. BORTACK UNIT – BATHROOM – DAY

The four agents traipse in the room.

MASON

He shouldn’t be at work. He’s not well yet.

JUSTICE

What am I supposed to do? Ain’t nobody believes me. I’ve got no where to go..

NINA

What’re we missing here?

Mason sighs, leaning back against the counter next to Misty.

MASON

He thinks he’s not Justice. That he’s his great grandfather from the past.

NINA

Ohhhh. I’m so sorry. You must have really hit your head. Do you want one of us to take you home?

JUSTICE

To what? A woman who’s not my wife and a kid who’s…I don’t know…

MISTY

Not your wife..?

MASON

Right? I told him to get some help.

JUSTICE

I don’t need that kind of help. I need someone to believe me.

NINA

Justice, honey, we’re all here for you. We just have to figure this out.

Justice hooks his thumbs in his jeans pockets and rocks on his heels, frustrated. He looks at each of their concerned faces.

JUSTICE

I need something sharp.

Mason pulls out his pocketknife and hands it to Justice.

MISTY

He’s not acting like the brightest crayon in the box. Don’t give him something sharp.

NINA

He’s not going to kill himself just because he’s…well…

Justice holds up his hand. They pause, silenced.

MASON

Come on, man. What’re you doing?

Justice holds their gazes as he slides the tip of the knife up his forearm, drawing blood.

Everyone sucks in their breath.

MISTY

I told you not to give him something sharp.

They all suck in their breath again as the dripping blood reverses it’s path and pulls back into his arm, the skin closing as though it had never been touched.

MASON

What the hell?

Justice sets down the knife and places his arm on the counter for everyone to examine.

The team stares. Mason snatches up the knife and plunges it into Justice’s palm.

JUSTICE

Owwww.

Justice throws the knife back on the counter and clutches his hand to his chest. The girls yank Mason back by his arms.

JUSTICE

Son of a bitch. That hurt.

Mason shakes free of the girls, his attention on Justice.

MASON

Is it healing?

Justice holds his palm out. It heals. Mason shakes his head, unable to accept what’s happening.

MISTY

This must be an anomaly. Or some new type of drug…

Mason grabs the knife and stabs it into Justice’s side.

Justice grabs Mason by the throat and slams him into the wall. He pulls the knife out.

Both girls yank Justice back.

JUSTICE

What the hell is wrong with you?

Mason struggles for breath.

MASON

Show us.

Justice pulls his shirt up. Everyone holds their breath as the–

–wound closes over and heals.

JUSTICE

I wasn’t sure that one was going to heal.

Mason backs away, pulling a shaking gun on Justice.

MASON

What are you?

Nina jumps between the men.

NINA

He’s still Justice.

JUSTICE

I don’t know. Are you going to shoot me now? We’re just figuring things out.

Mason slowly lowers his gun.

MASON

Yeah. Sorry. You’re freaking me out. You’d heal anyway.

JUSTICE

So, what do I do?

MASON

Maybe you were right. You’re here for a reason.

JUSTICE

Bringing in Mason didn’t send me back. You shouldn’t have let him go.

MASON

If you died again, maybe you’d go back.

JUSTICE

And what if I end up just…dead? I’m kinda hopin to figure this out first.

NINA

He’s still one of us. And he’s going to end up in trouble or a science lab if we don’t teach him the ropes.

The rest of the team look at each other somberly. They each create a fist, leaving thumb and pinky out, and shake them simultaneously in front of them.

NINA/MASON/MISTY

(together)

Pee O Bee

JUSTICE

What?…

MISTY

Protect our brothers. Can you shoot a gun?

JUSTICE

Of course, I can. Mason said the next shipment of women are crossing in three days. You should have let me find out where.

MASON

We can’t get information the way you used to.

(to the team)

I took his guns. He had an antique pair of colts strapped on without any bullets.

The girls note the ‘Look What I’ve Been Dealing With’ expression on Mason’s face.

NINA

Then we have three days to bring him up to speed and figure out where the shipment is crossing.

MISTY

We have a lot of work to do.

MASON

I’ll take him to the gun range before I drop him home. Show him what we shoot.

NINA

Misty and I can have the crime unit look for any buildings or crossing areas that would work to transport a group. If Miguel were working with Justice, the crossing has to be somewhere close.

The group files from the bathroom, Mason and Nina in the lead. Misty grabs Justice’s arm, holding him back until the door swings shut.

She pushes Justice up against the wall and plasters herself against him, laying an erotic kiss on his mouth. Justice pushes her away.

Misty nods, satisfied.

MISTY

I have my own way of determining if you’re authentic or under some new test drugs.

JUSTICE

You were sleeping with him?

MISTY

Fuck no. I don’t touch married men. You’re the one who wanted to catch me in a corner and drop trou.

Misty walks out the door.

[Brenda Boddy]

BRENDA BODDY – character relationships:

What I learned: It felt like a lot of work, but I feel like substituting traits that created both harmony and discord with the protagonist (and even each other), made for a more exciting read.

Logline: An old-fashioned lawman wakes up a hundred years in the future in the body of a corrupt BORTAC agent (Border Patrol Tactical Unit).

Essence: Each scene tries to contrast the way Justice would do things during his time with the way a law unit would work today.

While the criminals might change…Justice’s TEAM, his wife, and his daughter are all equally important.

JUSTICE (Protagonist): Old-fashioned, confident, stubborn, emotionally guarded.

MASON (Partner): Rule-follower, excitable, socially awkward (nerd), oversensitive.

The Old-fashioned and Rule-follower will mesh when going after criminals, but confident will war with excitable when Mason and Justice are in trouble.

MISTY (Team Partner and love interest): Fiercely competitive, sassy, impulsive, not afraid to get her hands dirty.

Justice’s confidence will mesh with Misty’s not afraid to get her hands dirty when catching criminals. His old-fashioned values will war with her competitive nature and impulsive nature (sleeps with who she wants, smokes, drinks).

NINA (Team partner at BORTAC): High maintenance, spoiled, caring, good friend.

Justice will find Nina’s caring interest in him and her ability to ‘be there’ as a friend, easy to work with. He will find her modern high maintenance (hair, nails), and spoiled, self-centered ways to be hard to understand.

KENZI (wife of old Justice): Resilient, Compassionate, Oppressed, Angry.

New Justice will understand Kenzi’s resilient and compassionate nature. He will be at odds with her Oppressed and Angry traits (both directed at him and what she believes he has done).

SAMANTHA (Daughter of old Justice): Anxious, depressed, protective, vengeful.

Justice will be able to understand and work with Samantha’s anxious and depressed traits, coaxing her forward. He will find her protective of her mother and vengeful toward him as a result.

[Brenda Boddy]

You’re absolutely right. I can see where it needs to be improved. This is why feedback is so great.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Brenda Boddy.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Brenda Boddy.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Lesson 17 – Write a scene.

LOGLINE: Princess Maxine is getting ready to be married.

ESSENCE: Love makes us do devious things.

TRAIT I CHANGED: Renee is now Prissy, devious, outgoing and JEALOUS.

Maxine is still: Tricky, snobbish, paranoid, and emotionally wounded.

INT. HALLWAY – DAY

RENEE (35), elegantly dressed, perky hat atop her blond, styled hair, walks quietly down the lush carpet in sensible heels. She places her hand on a bedroom door and looks up, pausing, a welcoming smile breaking across her face.

RAYMOND (37), dark, tall, statuesque in the military attire of a prince about to get married, approaches from the opposite direction, slowing to look around as he nears Renee. He leans in, as he walks behind Renee, his lips lingering close to her ear.

RAYMOND

I’m sorry, Honey. I’m compelled to go through with this.

Raymond brushes his lips across her cheek and straightens. He marches down the hallway toward his destiny.

Renee’s frozen smile fades away. Her eyes follow him down the hall.

RENEE

(whispering)

Maybe not, my love.

Renee opens the door and strolls into–

INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS

–an enormous room filled with the confusion of maids helping bridesmaids into their gowns, attendants handing our flower bouquets, and make-up artists putting final touches on the girls. The room is filled with laughter and chatter.

Renee walks through the clamor, her eyes scanning the group, and enters–

INT. BATHROOM – CONTINUOUS

–a stunning white and gold bathroom fit for a queen. A young, blond bride, MAXINE (18), stands looking at a note as a stylist fusses with her hair.

Maxine looks up, her anxious expression catching Renee’s eyes in the mirror. She pulls away from the stylist with a brief…

MAXINE

Could you give us a minute?

…and shuts the door, turning to Renee.

MAXINE

The rumors are true. I just got a note stating Raymond is seeing an older woman.

Renee gives Maxine a quick comforting hug.

RENEE

Oh, honey. I’m sorry. I heard that rumor, too. Are you sure this is what you want?

Renee turns to the mirror, tucking a stray strand of hair into place. She pulls out her lipstick, watching Maxine in the mirror.

Maxine leans against the counter, shaking her head, trying to understand.

MAXINE

I didn’t want to believe the rumors. The woman is supposed to be quite a bit older. And not very pretty. Why would he do this to me?

Maxine’s mouth tightens and her hands tremble slightly as she applies the lipstick.

RENEE

The point is…do you want to go through with this? If you do, he’ll probably end up cheating on you. Do you really think he loves you? Or is he just doing this because you’re young. He obviously wants kids…to continue his blood line.

MAXINE

Of course, I want to marry him. How can you even ask that? I just…thought he loved me. That he had quit his playboy life when he asked me to be his wife.–Oh, my God. I bet the bitch is here at the wedding. Watching us.

Renee turns to Maxine, folding her into her arms.

RENEE

I’m so sorry this is happening. We can still stop this. Do you want me to get you out of here?

MAXINE

You’re such a good friend.

Maxine wipes a tear.

MAXINE

I don’t know if this hurts more because he hasn’t changed his spots, or because the woman is supposed to be old. Doesn’t he realize she’ll be a wrinkled prune in a few years? How can he prefer her over me?

Renee’s eyes narrow and then she SIGHS, straightening Maxine’s headpiece.

RENEE

I know you care about Raymond, but if it’s a loveless marriage for him, you’ll be stuck. Second fiddle to a mistress.

MAXINE

He confronted me about the bulimia, you know. I was so embarrassed. But he said he understood the pressure I’m under. I thought that meant he had feelings for me.

RENEE

I didn’t know. And I sure didn’t tell anyone. I imagine the staff would know if you were throwing up. They must have said something.

MAXINE

I guess I just need a moment to think. And I have to pee. Can I have a sec?

Renee steps toward the door.

RENEE

I’ll be outside.

Maxine nods somberly and shuts the door. She lifts her bulky skirts and settles over the toilet.

She pulls a small strip from her bra and sticks it under her dress.

Our attention follows the strip as she places it on the counter. We watch a thin blue line appear as we hear Maxine wipe and straighten herself.

Maxine leans over the counter and studies the strip. She carefully wraps it and flushes it down the toilet. She looks in the mirror, fluffs her veil, and a slow satisfied smile covers her face.

She pulls out her phone and dials, tapping her finger against her teeth, gleefully.

MAXINE

(low sultry whisper)

I won’t be able to see you until after we return from the honeymoon, darling. It looks like our child is going to be raised as a prince.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Lesson 17 – Write a scene.

LOGLINE: Princess Maxine is getting ready to be married.

ESSENCE: Love makes us do devious things.

TRAIT I CHANGED: Renee is now Prissy, devious, outgoing and JEALOUS.

Maxine is still: Tricky, snobbish, paranoid, and emotionally wounded.

INT. HALLWAY – DAY

RENEE (35), elegantly dressed, perky hat atop her blond, styled hair, walks quietly down the lush carpet in sensible heels. She places her hand on a bedroom door and looks up, pausing, a welcoming smile breaking across her face.

RAYMOND (37), dark, tall, statuesque in the military attire of a prince about to get married, approaches from the opposite direction, slowing to look around as he nears Renee. He leans in, as he walks behind Renee, his lips lingering close to her ear.

RAYMOND

I’m sorry, Honey. In an hour we won’t exist anymore.

Raymond brushes his lips across her cheek and straightens. He marches down the hallway toward his destiny.

Renee’s frozen smile fades away. Her eyes follow him down the hall.

RENEE

(whispering)

Maybe not, my love.

Renee opens the door and strolls into–

INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS

–an enormous room filled with the confusion of maids helping bridesmaids into their gowns, attendants handing our flower bouquets, and make-up artists putting final touches on the girls. The room is filled with laughter and chatter.

Renee walks through the clamor, her eyes scanning the group, and enters–

INT. BATHROOM – CONTINUOUS

–a stunning white and gold bathroom fit for a queen. A young, blond bride, MAXINE (18), stands looking at a note as a stylist fusses with her hair.

Maxine looks up, her anxious expression catching Renee’s eyes in the mirror. She pulls away from the stylist with a brief…

MAXINE

Could you give us a minute?

…and shuts the door, turning to Renee.

MAXINE

The rumors are true. I just got a note stating Raymond is seeing an older woman.

Renee gives Maxine a quick comforting hug.

RENEE

Oh, honey. I’m sorry. I heard that rumor, too. Are you sure this is what you want?

Renee turns to the mirror, tucking a stray strand of hair into place. She pulls our her lipstick, watching Maxine in the mirror.

Maxine leans against the counter, shaking her head, trying to understand.

MAXINE

I didn’t want to believe the rumors. The woman is supposed to be quite a bit older. And not very pretty. Why would he do this to me?

Maxine’s mouth tightens and her hands tremble slightly as she applies the lipstick.

RENEE

The point is…do you want to go through with this? If you do, he’ll probably end up cheating on you. Do you really think he loves you? Or is he just doing this because you’re young. He obviously wants kids…to continue his blood line.

MAXINE

Of course, I want to marry him. How can you even ask that? I just…thought he loved me. That he had quit his playboy life when he asked me to be his wife.–Oh, my God. I bet the bitch is here at the wedding. Watching us.

Renee turns to Maxine, folding her into her arms.

RENEE

I’m so sorry this is happening. We can still stop this. Do you want me to get you out of here?

MAXINE

You’re such a good friend.

Maxine wipes a tear.

MAXINE

I don’t know if this hurts more because he hasn’t changed his spots, or because the woman is supposed to be old. Doesn’t he realize she’ll be a wrinkled prune in a few years? How can he prefer her over me?

Renee’s eyes narrow.

MAXINE

I guess I just need a moment to think. And I have to pee. Can I have a sec?

Renee steps toward the door.

RENEE

I’ll be outside. This is pretty serious information. The only thing worse than a loveless marriage might be a future divorce with the whole world watching.

Maxine nods somberly and shuts the door. She lifts her bulky skirts and settles over the toilet.

She pulls a small strip from her bra, and sticks it under her dress.

Our attention follows the strip as she places it on the counter. We watch a thin blue line appear as we hear Maxine wipe and straighten herself.

Maxine leans over the counter and studies the strip. She carefully wraps it and flushes it down the toilet. She looks in the mirror, straightens her headpiece, and a slow satisfied smile covers her face.

She pulls out her phone and dials, tapping her finger against her teeth, gleefully.

MAXINE

(low sultry whisper)

I’ll see you after the honeymoon, darling. It looks like our child is going to be raised as a prince.

[Brenda Boddy]

Goofed this one up. Did it in pieces between a heavy workload and didn’t catch the part about keeping a secret. So this is just a straight usage of the traits.

[Brenda Boddy]

What I’ve learned: Just when you think a scene is complete…You can always make it more interesting.

Looking back over my interest list…I added a healthy dose of theft to give more interest to the script.

Logline: Two employees are left to close the gym for the evening.

Essence: Both employees are more interested in their own agendas, instead of doing their jobs.

INT. GYM – NIGHT

Nancy (19), leggings and a tank top with the gym logo, stands talking to an older LADY sitting on a Lat Pull Down machine. The Lady reads a piece of paper.

Nancy glances at the clock and then out at the nearly empty gym floor.

NANCY

Try that dog food recipe. I swear my little Angus hasn’t had an allergy in a year.

The Lady tucks the paper in her bra and squeezes Nancy’s hand.

LADY

Thank you, Nancy.

SQUIRE (21), looking like an upside-down triangle, all biceps and no legs, stands chatting with an attractive BLOND, on the ab machine. He also wears the gym logo on his shirt.

Nancy looks at the clock again.

NANCY

I’ve got to get back to work. Enjoy your workout.

Nancy meanders up to Squire.

NANCY

Can I borrow Squire for just a second?

The Blond and Squire smile at each other.

SQUIRE

Of course.

(to Blond)

I’ll be right back.

Squire moves to the side with Nancy.

SQUIRE

What’s up?

NANCY

You’re fifteen minutes over on her training. I need some help with closing.

SQUIRE

Just going over some final tips. I’m almost done.

NANCY

It’s an ab machine. How many tips does she need?

SQUIRE

Oh, we’re talking nutrition and other things as we’re finishing up. You go ahead and start the bathrooms.

NANCY

I always end up doing the bathrooms. It’s your turn.

SQUIRE

I’ll help you in a minute. We’re almost through.

Squire returns to the Blond, a warm smile on his face.

Nancy stalks over to the cleaning closet and disappears inside.

BLOND

If you have to go, I can stretch myself out.

SQUIRE

I’ve got plenty of time. Let’s hit the mats.

Blond and Squire pull out mats and lie down. Squire pulls his knee toward his opposite shoulder. Blonde mimics him.

Nancy returns to the floor with the cleaning cart. She pushes the cart extremely close to Squire as she passes, forcing him to move his arm.

Squire deliberately flashes Nancy a smile and then returns to the Blond.

SQUIRE

It’s the best hike in the area. The views are amazing. We could do a leg day on the trail. Make it part of your routine next week.

Nancy enters the bathroom. She immediately staggers back out, her mouth open in disgust. She gulps in air. She stands looking around the gym, hands on hips. Everyone has gone home, except for Squire and the Blond, still lying on the mats, just talking, no stretching.

Nancy notices barbells and equipment left lying around the gym. She picks up a string and a few wisps of grass from someone’s shoes.

Nancy strolls into the office, keeping an eye on the two on the floor. They are absorbed in each other. She reaches into a drawer and stuffs a few bills in her pockets. She exits the office and approaches her coworker, smiling sweetly.

NANCY

I’m sorry to bother you two again, but Squire will have to quit flirting and help me close this place up.

Squire rolls to his feet and pulls the Blonde to hers. He looks at Nancy his mouth tightening, then turns his full charm on the Blond.

SQUIRE

Let me walk you to the door.

Squire moves to the cubbies with The Blonde. He carries her bag to the door. They stand laughing together at something Squire said.

Nancy approaches them with a clipboard. She holds the door open as the Blond scurries out. Squire turns to Nancy.

SQUIRE

Hey, gal. Why the push? We were just talking.

NANCY

We’re supposed to be doing the closing list together.

SQUIRE

Did you get the bathrooms done?

NANCY

I always get stuck with the bathrooms, even when you promise to help. I’m not doing them tonight.

SQUIRE

It’s my dad’s birthday. I can’t stay late. You should’ve started something on the list.

NANCY

While you hustled your client? That’s not how a team works.–Shit. It’s six now. I can’t be late either. I have a date.

Nancy runs to grab her purse from the office, shuts out the lights, and heads for the door. Squire trails after her.

SQUIRE

The boss will have a fit if we leave the gym like this.

NANCY

I can’t help it. You’ll have to stay.

Nancy opens the door.

SQUIRE

My evenings as important as yours. I’m leaving too.

They both walk out. Nancy locks the door from the outside.

Lady walks out of a second bathroom. No one is around. She meanders past the vending area, looking over her shoulder. There is still no one around.

LADY

(calling out)

Nancy?

The gym is quiet. Lady takes several handfuls of protein bars and stuffs them in her pockets. She takes a magazine and tucks it into her shirt. She enters the office.

Lady returns stuffing wads of money in her pockets with the bars. She turns the lock from the inside of the door and exits the gym.

[Brenda Boddy]

Looking back over my interest list…I added a healthy dose of theft to give more interest to the script.

Logline: Two employees are left to close the gym for the evening.

Essence: Both employees are more interested in their own agendas, instead of doing their jobs.

INT. GYM – NIGHT

Nancy (19), leggings and a tank top with the gym logo, stands talking to an older LADY sitting on a Lat Pull Down machine. The Lady reads a piece of paper.

Nancy glances at the clock and then out at the nearly empty gym floor.

NANCY

Try that dog food recipe. I swear my little Angus hasn’t had an allergy in a year.

The Lady tucks the paper in her bra and squeezes Nancy’s hand.

LADY

Thank you, Nancy.

SQUIRE (21), looking like an upside-down triangle, all biceps and no legs, stands chatting with an attractive BLOND, on the ab machine. He also wears the gym logo on his shirt.

Nancy looks at the clock again.

NANCY

I’ve got to get back to work. Enjoy your workout.

Nancy meanders up to Squire.

NANCY

Can I borrow Squire for just a second?

The Blond and Squire smile at each other.

SQUIRE

Of course.

(to Blond)

I’ll be right back.

Squire moves to the side with Nancy.

SQUIRE

What’s up?

NANCY

You’re fifteen minutes over on her training. I need some help with closing.

SQUIRE

Just going over some final tips. I’m almost done.

NANCY

It’s an ab machine. How many tips does she need?

SQUIRE

Oh, we’re talking nutrition and other things as we’re finishing up. You go ahead and start the bathrooms.

NANCY

I always end up doing the bathrooms. It’s your turn.

SQUIRE

I’ll help you in a minute. We’re almost through.

Squire returns to the Blond, a warm smile on his face.

Nancy stalks over to the cleaning closet and disappears inside.

BLOND

If you have to go, I can stretch myself out.

SQUIRE

I’ve got plenty of time. Let’s hit the mats.

Blond and Squire pull out mats and lie down. Squire pulls his knee toward his opposite shoulder. Blonde mimics him.

Nancy returns to the floor with the cleaning cart. She pushes the cart extremely close to Squire as she passes, forcing him to move his arm.

Squire deliberately flashes Nancy a smile and then returns to the Blond.

SQUIRE

It’s the best hike in the area. The views are amazing. We could do a leg day on the trail. Make it part of your routine next week.

Nancy enters the bathroom. She immediately staggers back out, her mouth open in disgust. She gulps in air. She stands looking around the gym, hands on hips. Everyone has gone home, except for Squire and the Blond, still lying on the mats, just talking, no stretching.

Nancy notices barbells and equipment left lying around the gym. She picks up a string and a few wisps of grass from someone’s shoes.

Nancy strolls into the office, keeping an eye on the two on the floor. They are absorbed in each other. She reaches into a drawer and stuffs a few bills in her pockets. She exits the office and approaches her coworker, smiling sweetly.

NANCY

I’m sorry to bother you two again, but Squire will have to quit flirting and help me close this place up.

Squire rolls to his feet and pulls the Blonde to hers. He looks at Nancy his mouth tightening, then turns his full charm on the Blond.

SQUIRE

Let me walk you to the door.

Squire moves to the cubbies with The Blonde. He carries her bag to the door. They stand laughing together at something Squire said.

Nancy approaches them with a clipboard. She holds the door open as the Blond scurries out. Squire turns to Nancy.

SQUIRE

Hey, gal. Why the push? We were just talking.

NANCY

We’re supposed to be doing the closing list together.

SQUIRE

Did you get the bathrooms done?

NANCY

I always get stuck with the bathrooms, even when you promise to help. I’m not doing them tonight.

SQUIRE

It’s my dad’s birthday. I can’t stay late. You should’ve started something on the list.

NANCY

While you hustled your client? That’s not how a team works.–Shit. It’s six now. I can’t be late either. I have a date.

Nancy runs to grab her purse from the office, shuts out the lights, and heads for the door. Squire trails after her.

SQUIRE

The boss will have a fit if we leave the gym like this.

NANCY

I can’t help it. You’ll have to stay.

Nancy opens the door.

SQUIRE

My evenings as important as yours. I’m leaving too.

They both walk out. Nancy locks the door from the outside.

Lady walks out of a second bathroom. No one is around. She meanders past the vending area, looking over her shoulder. There is still no one around.

LADY

(calling out)

Nancy?

The gym is quiet. Lady takes several handfuls of protein bars and stuffs them in her pockets. She takes a magazine and tucks it into her shirt. She enters the office.

Lady returns stuffing wads of money in her pockets with the bars. She turns the lock from the inside of the door and exits the gym.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Lesson 12, QE cycle #1

Logline: Two employees are left to close the gym together.

Essense: Neither employee wants to take responsibility.

INT. GYM – NIGHT

Nancy (19), leggings and a tank top with the gym logo, stands talking to an older LADY sitting on a Lat Pull Down machine. The Lady reads a piece of paper.

Nancy glances at the clock and then out at the nearly empty gym floor.

NANCY

Try that dog food recipe. I swear my little Angus hasn’t had an allergy in a year.

The Lady tucks the paper in her bra and squeezes Nancy’s hand.

LADY

Thank you, Nancy.

SQUIRE (21), looking like an upside-down triangle, all biceps and no legs, stands chatting with an attractive BLOND, on the ab machine. He also wears the gym logo on his shirt.

Nancy looks at the clock again.

NANCY

I’ve got to get back to work. Enjoy your workout.

Nancy meanders up to Squire.

NANCY

Can I borrow Squire for just a second?

The Blond and Squire smile at each other.

SQUIRE

Of course.

(to Blond)

I’ll be right back.

Squire moves to the side with Nancy.

SQUIRE

What’s up?

NANCY

You’re fifteen minutes over on her training. I need some help with closing.

SQUIRE

Just going over some final tips. I’m almost done.

NANCY

It’s an ab machine. How many tips does she need?

SQUIRE

Oh…we’re talking nutrition and other things as we’re finishing up. You go ahead and start the bathrooms.

NANCY

I always end up doing the bathrooms. It’s your turn.

SQUIRE

I’ll help you in a minute. We’re almost through.

Squire returns to the Blond, a warm smile on his face.

Nancy stalks over to the cleaning closet and disappears inside.

BLOND

If you have to go, I can stretch myself out.

SQUIRE

I’ve got plenty of time. Let’s hit the mats.

Blond and Squire pull out mats and lie down. Squire pulls his knee toward his opposite shoulder. Blonde mimics him.

Nancy returns to the floor with the cleaning cart. She pushes the cart extremely close to Squire as she passes, forcing him to move his arm.

Squire deliberately flashes Nancy a smile and then returns to the Blond.

SQUIRE

It’s the best hike in the area. The views are amazing. We could do a leg day on the trail. Make it part of your routine next week.

Nancy enters the bathroom. She immediately staggers back out, her mouth open in disgust. She gulps in air. She stands looking around the gym, hands on hips. Everyone has gone home, except for Squire and the Blond, still lying on the mats, just talking, no stretching.

Nancy notices barbells and equipment left lying around the gym. She picks up a string and a few wisps of grass from someone’s shoes. She gets out the vacuum.

The two on the floor haven’t moved. Nancy approaches the two smiling sweetly.

NANCY

I’m sorry to bother you two again, but Squire will have to quit flirting and help me close this place up.

Squire rolls to his feet and pulls the Blonde to hers. He looks at Nancy his mouth tightening, then turns his full charm on the Blond.

SQUIRE

Let me walk you to the door.

Squire moves to the cubbies with The Blonde. He carries her bag to the door. They stand laughing together at something Squire said.

Nancy approaches them with a clipboard. She holds the door open as the Blond scurries out. Squire turns to Nancy.

SQUIRE

Hey, gal. Why the push? We were just talking.

NANCY

We’re supposed to be doing the closing list together.

SQUIRE

Did you get the bathrooms done?

NANCY

I always get stuck with the bathrooms, even when you promise to help. I’m not doing them tonight.

SQUIRE

It’s my dad’s birthday. I can’t stay late. You should have started something on the list.

NANCY

While you hustled your client? That’s not how a team works.–Shit. It’s six now. I can’t be late either. I have a date.

Nancy runs to lock the office and head for the door. Squire trails after her.

SQUIRE

The boss will have a fit if we leave the gym like this.

NANCY

I can’t help it. You’ll have to stay.

Nancy opens the door.

SQUIRE

My evenings as important as yours. I’m leaving too.

They both walk out.

Lady walks out of a second bathroom. No one is around. She meanders past the vending area, looking over her shoulder. There is still no one around.

LADY

(calling out)

Nancy?

The gym is quiet. Lady takes several handfuls of protein bars and stuffs them in her pockets. She takes a magazine and tucks it into her shirt. She exits the gym.

[Brenda Boddy]

BRENDA BODDY – MAX INTEREST

What I learned is it’s important to look at each scene and be thinking about how to mess with the character at every step.

LOGLINE: Justice gets called to work

ESSENCE: This scene is to show who Justice is at the beginning of the script, before he begins his journey.

Interest techniques used:

Suspense, twist, surprise, uncertainty, intrigue–Hook, prediction, Something unseen, cliffhanger.

INT. MASTER BEDROOM – HOME – DAY

A tasteful room, the four-poster bed dominating the far wall. Everything in its place. Sun shining through the window. This could be one of those houses in a magazine.

Except people don’t get beat up in those houses. In this house they do. SWIVEL to the door as it SLAMS open.

An angry, white MAN pushes a black WOMAN inside, his fist wrapped in her hair. A Goth, bi-racial, GIRL follows, CRYING, yanking his arm.

The man, JUSTICE (mid 30’s), alpha, is dressed Texas chic… all hat and no cattle. He throws the girl away from him.

The woman, Kenzie (early 30’s), struggles, her attention on getting between him and the girl, but her slender body is no match for his muscular frame.

KENZIE

Leave her alone, asshole.

JUSTICE

Did you forget I work in this town? I have contacts…everywhere.

The girl, SAMANTHA (13), launches herself at her father.

SAMANTHA

We’re sorry, Dad. Please don’t do this.

He knocks her away from him again.

JUSTICE

I swear, Samantha. This kind of thing wouldn’t happen if your mom didn’t make me do it.

Justice throws Kenzie against the wall and begins to undo his belt.

JUSTICE

But let me tell you what’s gonna happen now, Sweet Cheeks.

His phone RINGS. Justice puts a warning finger against his lips and answers the phone.

JUSTICE

(into phone)

Yea.

Justice listens, his eyes promising consequences if either female moves.

JUSTICE

(into phone)

On my way.

Justice hangs up the phone.

JUSTICE

You lucked out, Kenzie. But you’re mine. Don’t you…ever…try to leave again.

Justice turns away shaking his head, then suddenly spins and drives his fist into Kenzie’s belly. She crumples, rolling into a ball with a painful MOAN.

Justice looks at her without expression.

JUSTICE

(quiet and gentle)

I don’t think you heard me, Kenzie.

Justice kicks Kenzie in the ribs. He puts up a hand to stop Samantha, without looking at her. Another GROAN from Kenzie.

KENZIE

I heard you, Justice.

Justice loses interest. He pulls a jacket from the closet and puts it on. He flips out a DIFFERENT PHONE and dials.

JUSTICE

(into phone)

Get your ass out of there. We’re on the way.

[Brenda Boddy]

SCENE 1:

A. Current Scene Logline: Justice stops in the town bar to have a quiet bite to eat while waiting for his son.

B. Essence: This scene is to show who Justice is: a Texas Ranger in 1908, quiet, old-fashioned, family man, good at his job.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

Kathleen (town whore) gets in a fight with Crazy Tom over Justice about who gets to spend time with him. She wants to take him upstairs.

Crazy Tom (town crazy) rambles about Justice’s future.

Justice’s dinner gets knocked in his lap. The bartender ends up bringing him cold jerky because it’s late and he’s out of hot food.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Justice enters the bar (after riding into town with a dead man draped across his horse) and grabs a drink from the bartender, settling down at a table to wait for his dinner which is set in front of him right away.

Crazy Tom immediately wants to join him and talk about the future, despite Justice making it plain that he’s tired and just wants to eat and go home with his son.

Kathleen joins the table, trying to be affectionate and persuade Justice to come upstairs, but Justice wants to go home to his son. She pushes him to have a new woman in his life, but he makes it plain that he does not want to replace his dead wife.

Crazy Tom and Kathleen argue, and Crazy Tom is rude to Kathleen. Justice’s dinner gets dumped in his lap. He insists Tom apologize for being rude to a lady.

The bartender brings cold jerky to replace the hot dinner. Justice pays for his dinner, intending to leave, go home to his son, and sleep.

A blast rocks the bar (from the blown bank). Justice pulls his gun and runs into the street.

SCENE 2:

A. Current Scene Logline: Justice wakes up in the future and tries to figure out where he’s at.

B. Essence: This scene shows Justice’s reaction to his new body and who he now is.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

He’s in a modern hospital.

A woman doctor is taking care of him. He doesn’t want her to examine him.

Nobody knows who Henry (his son) is.

When he pulls the IV out, he can see the needle wound physically heal.

The family that arrives to visit him consists of a black wife and a biracial daughter.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Justice wakes up in the hospital and notices the IV. He pulls it out and is freaked out to see the blood spot shrink back into his arm. The woman doctor, reading his chart, wants to examine him, but he refuses. He doesn’t believe the family that comes to visit is his. He’s beginning to understand what happened when he sees his modern haircut in the mirror and the automobiles driving on the streets below his window. He leaves the hospital despite the protests of the nurse and his family.

[Brenda Boddy]

BRENDA BODDY – FULL OUT CHARACTERS

What I learned: I had started rounding out my characters, but they didn’t have enough traits to make them real yet. Thinking about both positives and negatives in them, helped me see the possibilities in their actions.

1). Change agent: MASON (and the modern world). Guides Justice in his new world.

Charasmatic (Confident, enthusiastic, optimistic, expressive, and passionate)

Loyal

Rule follower, by the book

2). Transformable Character: JUSTICE

Old-fashioned (Respect, honesty, loyalty, modesty, and family. Protective of women, children, and animals)

Easy going

3). Oppression: CUERVO: Head of Mexican Cartel

Ruthless

Corrupt

Self-serving

Family oriented.

4). Betraying Character: Samantha

Timid

No self-esteem

5). Kenzie:

Protective

Angry

BELOW ARE THE NEW CHARACTER TRAITS:

1). Change agent: MASON (and the modern world). Guides Justice in his new world. Extreme person: Two normal traits and two extreme traits.

Subtext: Mason is concerned with being accepted and viewed well by others.

Extreme trait: Charasmatic (Confident, enthusiastic, optimistic, expressive, and passionate)

Normal trait: Adventurous and thrill seeking, always looking for new challenges.

Normal trait: Rule follower, by the book

Extreme trait: Womanizer

2). Transformable Character: JUSTICE: Protagonist. One extreme good trait, two normal traits, one bad guy trait.

Subtext: Justice is guarded with his emotions due to losing his wife and his actions are focused on protecting his family at whatever cost.

Extreme good trait: Old-fashioned (Respect, honesty, loyalty, modesty, and family. Protective of women, children, and animals)

Normal trait: Rebellious and defiant, often breaking the rules or disobeying orders that he disagrees with or that limit his freedom.

Normal trait: Confident and ambitious, striving to be the best at what he does and not backing down from any obstacle.

Normal trait: Impulsive and reckless, acting on his instincts and emotions without thinking of the consequences or risks.

Normal trait: Arrogant and cocky. Sometimes overestimating his abilities or underestimating his opponents.

Normal trait: Stubborn and prideful, rarely admitting his mistakes or weaknesses or asking for help.

Normal trait: Emotionally guarded due to past lost.

Extreme bad trait: Vengeful

3). Oppression: CUERVO: Head of Mexican Cartel: Bad Guy: Two extreme bad traits, one trait similar to good guys, one positive trait.

Extreme trait: Ruthless

Extreme trait: Corrupt

Similar trait: Vengeful

Positive trait: Family oriented.

4). Betraying Character: Samantha Regular person: Three familiar traits and one extreme trait.

Familiar trait: Protective

Familiar trait: Timid

Familiar trait: Loyal

Extreme trait: Self-harm

5). Kenzie: Regular person: Three familiar traits and one extreme trait.

Extreme trait: Protective

Regular trait: Angry

Regular trait: Oppressed

Regular trait: Brave

[Brenda Boddy]

THE COMMENTS SUGGESTED THAT JOHN NEEDED TO HAVE MORE LOYALTY AND NIC NEEDED TO BE MORE GIVING. I CHANGED THE DIALOGUE IN THE LAST HALF OF THE SCRIPT TO REFLECT THAT.

LOGLINE: John assumes his girlfriend’s father has forcibly taken her home and goes to rescue her.

ESSENCE: Love can intensify our habits.

INT. NICK’S HOUSE – DAY

Nick (50’s), dirty and unkempt, a beer in his hand and a cigar hanging from his mouth, slouches on the couch.

The door CRASHES open and JOHN (20’s) smartly dressed, storms in the room with an angry scowl on his face, startling Nick, who drops his cigar in his lap and fumbles to keep from burning himself.

JOHN

Where is she?

NICK

You ain’t got no right to come storming in another man’s home. Get your ass out of here.

Nick stubs his cigar out on a plate, littered with bread crust and a bone from some long ago lunch.

JOHN

I’m not going anywhere without Shelly. Where is she?

Nick sits back and calmly sucks on his beer, smiling.

NICK

Obviously not with you. What did you do to make her want to run?

JOHN

Me? I didn’t do anything to her, you sick freak.

NICK

Sick freak?

(raises his eyebrows)

That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it.

JOHN

Don’t play dumb with me. You know damn well what I mean. A father who beats up his own daughter. A sick freak.

Nick laughs and takes another swig. A fragile girl, SHELLY (19), covered in bruises, slinks in and stands timidly behind her dad.

NICK

Is that what she told you? She lied to get away from you.

JOHN

She didn’t lie. She’s covered in bruises. Come on, Shelly. You’re going with me.

Nick rumbles to his feet, holding his beer bottle by the neck, like a weapon.

NICK

I don’t think so punk. Go ahead, Shelly. Tell him.

SHELLY

(looking down miserably)

That’s right. I’m okay. I moved back home.

JOHN

Bull. She already told me you hit her. You had no right to force her back here while I was gone. You don’t have to cover for him, Shelly.

Nick LAUGHS spontaneously, beer spraying from his nose.

NICK

She told you I hit her? Good one. And you believed her?

JOHN

Of course, I believed her. Why wouldn’t I?

Shelly shifts uncomfortably.

NICK

Maybe because you’re a controlling son of bitch and she’s afraid of you. Maybe that’s why she wanted to come home.

JOHN

That’s not true. I love her.

(to Shelly)

I love you. I would never hurt you. You just need to talk to me. I’ve never lived with anyone before.

NICK

Oh, please. Spare us the tears. You tell her where to go and what to do. You isolate her from friends and family. You try to own her. That’s not love.

JOHN

No. That’s not true, Shelly. I do love you. I’m just not a people person. But I’ll try harder for you.

(to Nick)

Stop trying to twist this around. Bruises don’t lie.

NICK

What a moron. You don’t even know her. Haven’t you ever wondered why she never gains weight, when she eats as much as you do? You’ve never seen her happy one moment, and find her crying in the bathroom later? She’s bulimic and she hates herself. You’re a moron if you haven’t figured it out.

SHELLY

Dad…

NICK

No. It’s about time you take responsibility. I don’t want to be your scape goat anymore.

JOHN

Stop talking about your own daughter like she’s not even here. Shelly? Let’s go, Baby. You don’t have to deal with this.

Nick laughs when Shelly stands rooted to the floor. He picks up his cigar and lights it again.

JOHN

Are you listening Baby? Let’s get out of here. Don’t be afraid of him. I’m right here.

Nick sends a puff of smoke spiraling to the ceiling. He smiles as Shelly nervously shifts her feet, looking at the floor.

NICK

Yes, Shelly. Go with the boyfriend. I don’t have to take you in every time you fall back into your old habits. Maybe John loves you enough to not feel disgusted when you self-harm.

JOHN

Self-harm. That’s a crock. Why would she do that?

NICK

I don’t know. Why do you do that Shelly? The boyfriend wants to take you home…so go.

Nick sits back down and leans back, crossing his legs.

JOHN

Shelly?

(off Shelly’s guilty look)

What’s happening here? Is any of this true?

NICK

Go on, Shelly. You want to keep telling people that I’m abusing you? Go with the boyfriend. The way he controls you now…it won’t be much of a stretch for people to think he’s the one beating on you.

Shelly glances at John, a tear welling up.

SHELLY

I’m sorry, Dad.

JOHN

Now wait just a minute. Shelly. Is any of this true?

Shelly nods miserably.

JOHN

If you don’t want to be with me, just say so.

NICK

Oh, come on man. Don’t let a little thing like self harm make you nervous. She’s not crazy. Just a little high strung. You young-uns go ahead and go home. I’m sure you can figure this out.

JOHN

I didn’t know any of this. Shelly? If this is true…maybe you should stay with your family awhile and get some help. We could take things a little slower if you’d like.

NICK

Oh, no. Shelly. He says he loves you. I reckon you can get counseling with him as easy as here. Get your stuff together and head on out.

JOHN

Wait. It sounds like she needs…more than I can give her at my place.

Nick lumbers to his feet.

NICK

Are you dumping my girl, now? After storming in here and demanding to take her?

JOHN

No. No. I’m just trying to keep her in a place that she can get the help she needs.

NICK

Sounds to me like you’re dumping her. Maybe someone ought to teach you some manners about how to treat a girl.

John backs toward the door.

JOHN

No disrespect. You seem to be her go to. I wish it were me, but obviously she doesn’t trust me enough to open up.

(to Shelly)

When you get some help and feel ready to try again, call me. I’ll be waiting. With no pressure.

He smiles at Shelly and walks out the door.

Shelly perches herself sadly on the side of her father’s chair.

SHELLY

Do you think I’ll ever find anyone to understand me?

Nick puts his arm around Shelly and hugs her.

NICK

Sorry, baby. I had to push him to find out how much he really cares. You deserve the best.

Nick opens his shirt to reveal a bruised torso. He punches himself in the stomach.

NICK

But I handled that badly. I deserve to be punished for upsetting you more.

He holds out his arm and karate chops it viciously. He GROANS.

NICK

I shouldn’t get frustrated with these young men. They just don’t understand people like us.

Shelly doubles her fist and slams it into her own shoulder. She GROANS. A tear trickles from her eye.

SHELLY

I always handle relationships badly. It’s not your fault dad. The first time I’m frustrated I fall back into my habits. I’m the one who deserves to be punished.

She doubles both fists and starts pummeling her thigh.

[Brenda Boddy]

Sorry. Posted this on the wrong link.

[Brenda Boddy]

LOGLINE: John comes to take his girlfriend home after he finds her gone.

ESSENCE: Nick’s daughter flees relationships when her problems come to the surface.

INT. NICK’S HOUSE – DAY

Nick (50’s), dirty and unkempt, a beer in his hand and a cigar hanging from his mouth, slouches on the couch.

The door CRASHES open and JOHN (20’s) smartly dressed, storms in the room with an angry scowl on his face, startling Nick, who drops his cigar in his lap and fumbles to keep from burning himself.

JOHN

Where is she?

NICK

You ain’t go no right to come storming in another man’s home. Get your ass out of here.

Nick stubs his cigar out on a plate, littered with bread crust and a bone from some long ago lunch.

JOHN

I’m not going anywhere without Shelly. Where is she?

Nick sits back and calmly sucks on his beer, smiling.

NICK

Obviously not with you. What did you do to make her want to run?

JOHN

Me? I didn’t do anything to her, you sick freak.

NICK

Sick freak?

(raises his eyebrows)

That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it.

JOHN

Don’t play dumb with me. You know damn well what I mean. A father who beats up his own daughter. A sick freak.

Nick laughs and takes another swig. A fragile girl, SHELLY (19), covered in bruises, slinks in and stands timidly behind her dad.

NICK

Is that what she told you? She lied to get away from you.

JOHN

She didn’t lie. She’s covered in bruises. Come on, Shelly. You’re going with me.

Nick rumbles to his feet, holding his beer bottle by the neck, like a weapon.

NICK

I don’t think so punk. Go ahead, Shelly. Tell him.

SHELLY

(looking down miserably)

That’s right. I’m okay. I moved back home.

JOHN

Bull. She already told me you hit her. You had no right to force her back here, while I was gone. You don’t have to cover for him, Shelly.

Nick LAUGHS spontaneously, beer spraying from his nose.

NICK

She told you I hit her? Good one. And you believed her?

JOHN

Of course, I believed her. Why wouldn’t I?

Shelly shifts uncomfortably.

NICK

Maybe because you’re a controlling son of bitch and she’s afraid of you. Maybe that’s why she wanted to come home.

JOHN

That’s not true. I love her.

(to Shelly)

I love you. I would never hurt you.

NICK

Oh, please. Spare us the tears. You tell her where to go and what to do. You isolate her from friends and family. You try to own her. That’s not love.

JOHN

No. That’s not true, Shelly. I do love you.

(to Nick)

Stop trying to twist this around. Bruises don’t lie.

NICK

What a moron. You don’t even know her. Haven’t ever wondered why she never gains weight, when she eats as much as you do? You’ve never seen her happy one moment, and find her crying in the bathroom later? She’s bulimic and she hates herself. You’re a moron if you haven’t figured it out.

SHELLY

Dad…

NICK

No. It’s about time you take responsibility. I don’t want to be your scape goat anymore.

JOHN

Stop talking about your own daughter like she’s not even here. Shelly? Let’s go, Baby. You don’t have to deal with this.

Nick laughs when Shelly stands rooted to the floor. He picks up his cigar and lights it again.

JOHN

Are you listening Baby? Let’s get out of here. Don’t be afraid of him. I’m right here.

Nick sends a puff of smoke spiraling to the ceiling. He smiles as Shelly nervously shifts her feet, looking at the floor.

NICK

Yes, Shelly. Go with the boyfriend. I don’t have to take you in every time you fall back into your old habits. Maybe John loves you enough to not feel disgusted when you self harm.

JOHN

Self harm. That’s a crock. Why would she do that?

NICK

I don’t know. Why do you do that Shelly? The boyfriend wants to take you home…so go.

Nick sits back down and leans back, crossing his legs.

JOHN

Shelly?

(off Shelly’s guilty look)

What’s happening here? Is any of this true?

NICK

Go on, Shelly. You want to keep telling people that I’m abusing you? Go with the boyfriend. The way he controls you now…it won’t be much of a stretch for people to think he’s the one beating on you.

Shelly glances at John, a tear welling up.

SHELLY

I’m sorry, Dad.

JOHN

Now wait just a minute. Shelly. Is any of this true?

Shelly nods miserably.

JOHN

If you don’t want to be with me, just say so.

NICK

Oh, come on man. Don’t let a little thing like self harm make you nervous. She’s not crazy. Just a little high strung. You young-uns go ahead and go home. I’m sure you can figure this out.

JOHN

I didn’t know any of this. Shelly? If this is true…maybe you should stay with your family awhile and get some help. We could take things a little slower if you’d like.

NICK

Oh, no. Shelly. He says he loves you. I reckon you can get counseling with him as easy as here. Get your stuff together and head on out.

JOHN

Wait. It sounds like she needs…more than I can give her at my place.

Nick lumbers to his feet.

NICK

Are you dumping my girl, now? After storming in here and demanding to take her?

JOHN

No. No. I’m just trying to keep her in a place that she can get the help she needs.

NICK

Sounds to me like you’re dumping her. Maybe someone ought to teach you some manners about how to treat a girl.

John backs toward the door.

JOHN

No disrespect. Let’s get her some help and take it from there. I just need to think. I’ll…

He turns and scurries out the door.

JOHN (O.S.)

…check in on her soon.

Shelly perches herself sadly on the side of her father’s chair.

SHELLY

Do you think I’ll ever find anyone to understand me?

Nick opens his shirt to reveal a bruised torso. He punches himself in the stomach.

NICK

Sorry, baby. I handled that badly. I pushed him to find out how deep his feelings are. I didn’t mean to upset you more.

He holds out his arm and karate chops it viciously. He GROANS.

NICK

I shouldn’t get frustrated with these young men. They just don’t understand people like us.

Shelly doubles her fist and slams it into her own shoulder. She GROANS. A tear trickles from her eye.

SHELLY

I always handle relationships badly. It’s not your fault dad.

She doubles both fists and starts pummeling her thigh.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Brenda Boddy.

[Brenda Boddy]

I wasn’t sure if we were just reposting our scripts here. I’m posting feedback on the previous forum link, because if feels like our rewrites gets posted here. Someone correct me if I’m wrong.

—-Brenda Boddy

Also…My dialogue with Kimmie sounds fake and forced. Can someone push me in the right direction, please? I doubt someone would just keep spouting out negative things she’d heard. I thought maybe the information should come from Robert’s wife, who heard it from Robert. Again…suggestions?

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Brenda Boddy.

[Brenda Boddy]

INT. BAR – NIGHT

ROBERT (40’s), t-shirt, greasy hair slicked to cover a bald spot, sits at the bar nursing his drink.

TRENT (40’s), dress shirt and slacks, slides onto a barstool, pulling the seat out to accommodate his paunchy stomach. He carefully smooths first his hair and then his mustache, signaling the BARTENDER.

TRENT

Robert, my man. What’re you doing down here? Slumming?

ROBERT

I live down here.

Robert holds up his beer and tips it at Trent. The bartender stops in front of the men.

TRENT

Lemon drop.

Trent moves closer to Robert, lowering his voice, his eyes darting around the room.

TRENT

The truth is, I’m meeting a girl here. Her suggestion, since she works across the street. Nicest piece of tail I’ve seen in a long time.

ROBERT

Good for you, bud. I don’t seem to have much luck with the female species.

TRENT

It’s all about the approach with a woman. You have to look the part, you know.

(winks)

And it never hurts to embellish yourself a little.

The Bartender puts a drink in front of Trent.

BARTENDER

Seven-fifty.

Trent turns back to Robert.

TRENT

Tell you what, buddy. I’m kind of celebrating tonight. You get our drinks now, and I’ll get everyone’s drinks when my gal gets here. I want you to meet her.

Robert hands some cash to the Bartender.

ROBERT

One round. To help you celebrate.

TRENT

Everything matters when you’re impressing a woman. Look at what you’re drinking. Beer. While I ordered something more elegant. If you want to get a hottie, you need to act like a sophisticated man.

Trent elbows Robert and winks again.

TRENT

Flash some style and cash and you can have whatever woman you want.

Trent smiles knowingly at Robert and completely downs his drink. He carefully dabs his mouth and resmooths his mustache.

Robert sits back in his chair and takes a satisfying gulp of his own beer.

ROBERT

What cash? We both work at McDonalds.

Robert takes another swig and burps.

TRENT

I’m fixing to open my own business. Money is no object for me.–

Trent catches the Bartender’s eye and raises his empty glass.

TRENT

–In fact, I’ll be hiring a few good men. It’ll be nice to quit working for the low life who thinks he owns us right now.

The Bartender sets down the drink.

BARTENDER

Seven-fifty.

Trent searches his pockets, becoming flustered.

TRENT

I must have left my wallet at home.

Robert pays for the drink.

ROBERT

Happy to help out a friend.

He moves his stool closer to Trent’s.

What type of person are you hoping to hire?

The door tinkles open. KIMMIE, (20’s) walks in, greasy hair combed to the side, hook nose, and skinny beyond anything fashionable. She approaches the men.

KIMMIE

Trent. Us d…d…dating isn’t working for me.

Kimmie steps back and chews her lip anxiously. She looks at Robert and then apologetically at Trent.

KIMMIE

I wanted to tell you in p…p…person, instead of ghosting you.

Kimmie twiddles her thumbs nervously, glances at Robert, and then moves closer to his chair.

TRENT

What? I thought this was about getting to know each other better. I wanted to tell you about the new Jag I’m getting.

KIMMIE

I’m s…s…sorry. I’m just not interested.

(to Robert)

Why’re you h…h…here? I thought you didn’t–that you and Trent weren’t–

ROBERT

(overloud)

Of course, we are. Friends. In fact, we’re talking about working together.

KIMMIE

Sorry. I shouldn’t have–

TRENT

(to Robert)

You know Kimmie?

ROBERT

She’s my cousin.

TRENT

You need to tell her what a great guy I am.

(to Kimmie)

You don’t’ want to miss out, Kimmie… babe. I’ve got what it takes to set you up right.

Kimmie glances at Robert, chewing on her lip again. She takes a quick breath and then blurts:

KIMMIE

S…s…someone told me that you’re all blow and no g…g…go.

TRENT

Who…? Robert? You told her that?

Robert jumps up and puts his arm around Kimmie’s shoulders, hugging her into him with a big fake smile.

ROBERT

Kimmie girl. You must be mistaken. I was talking about someone else. Not Trent here.

KIMMIE

I t…t…told you who I was going out with, and you said–

Robert spins Kimmie to face him, holding onto both shoulders.

ROBERT

…you must have misunderstood. Trent here is fixing to open his own business. He’s…

KIMMIE

…You said he was a f…f…fake–

Kimmie trails off as Robert narrows his eyes and shakes his head slightly.

KIMMIE

Sorry. I shouldn’t have–

She looks ready to cry.

KIMMIE

–I’m not very good at this.

Trent steps in and puts his own arm around Kimmie’s shoulders, pulling her away from Robert.

TRENT

Come on, Kimmie. You don’t want to listen to him. I’ve got plenty of women to choose from but I want to be with you. I’m a man who’s going up in the world. You’ll regret it if you leave now.

Trent pulls his barstool over and pushes Kimmie toward it.

Kimmie pulls away, swaps glances with Robert and turns, scurrying from the room.

TRENT

(calling after her)

Kimmie, please…

Trent whirls to Robert, anger thinning his lips.

TRENT

You son of a bitch. She could have been my soulmate. You ruined this for me.

ROBERT

Maybe I did. I’ve watched you go after a dozen women at work. I didn’t want her to get taken in.

Trent smooths his mustache again. His breathe comes quickly, teeth clenched.

TRENT

I oughtta…You better believe I’m not going to hire you for my new business now.

ROBERT

You can’t even pay your bar tab. –I’m going to use the john.

TRENT

We’re not done. Nobody gets to treat me like this.

ROBERT

We’re done. And I don’t need you to hold my hand.

Robert makes his way to the back of the room, leaving Trent to fume.

Trent dabs his mustache carefully with his napkin, looking furtively to either side. No one is paying attention. He puts his napkin in his pocket and follows Robert to the bathroom.

There is a beat of silence and then the sound of a scuffle. Something bangs the inside of the bathroom door.

Several PEOPLE look that way but there is a surge of LAUGHTER from a table near the door and they go back to their drinks.

Robert emerges, looking furtively around the room. Nobody notices. He glances down and sees blood on his knuckles. He carefully pulls his napkin, wipes his knuckles, smooths his mustache, and walks toward the door, stopping just long enough to drink the last of Robert’s beer and steal the tip he left.

0

[Brenda Boddy]

INT. BAR – NIGHT

ROBERT (40’s), t-shirt, greasy hair slicked to cover a bald spot, sits at the bar nursing his drink.

TRENT (40’s), dress shirt and slacks, slides onto a barstool, pulling the seat out to accommodate his paunchy stomach. He carefully smooths first his hair and then his mustache, signaling the BARTENDER.

TRENT

Robert, my man. What’re you doing down here? Slumming?

ROBERT

I live down here.

Robert holds up his beer and tips it at Trent. The bartender stops in front of the men.

TRENT

Lemon drop.

Trent moves closer to Robert, lowering his voice, his eyes darting around the room.

TRENT

The truth is, I’m meeting a girl here. Her suggestion, since she works across the street. Nicest piece of tail I’ve seen in a long time.

ROBERT

Good for you, bud. I don’t seem to have much luck with the female species.

TRENT

It’s all about the approach with a woman. You have to look the part, you know.

(winks)

And it never hurts to embellish yourself a little.

The Bartender puts a drink in front of Trent.

BARTENDER

Seven-fifty.

Trent turns back to Robert.

TRENT

Tell you what, buddy. I’m kind of celebrating tonight. You get our drinks now, and I’ll get everyone’s drinks when my gal gets here. I want you to meet her.

Robert hands some cash to the Bartender.

ROBERT

One round. To help you celebrate.

TRENT

Everything matters when you’re impressing a woman. Look at what you’re drinking. Beer. While I ordered something more elegant. If you want to get a hottie, you need to act like a sophisticated man.

Trent elbows Robert and winks again.

TRENT

Flash some style and cash and you can have whatever woman you want.

Trent smiles knowingly at Robert and completely downs his drink. He carefully dabs his mouth and resmooths his mustache.

Robert sits back in his chair and takes a satisfying gulp of his own beer.

ROBERT

What cash? We both work at McDonalds.

Robert takes another swig and burps.

TRENT

I’m fixing to open my own business. Money is no object for me.–

Trent catches the Bartender’s eye and raises his empty glass.

TRENT

–In fact, I’ll be hiring a few good men. It’ll be nice to quit working for the low life who thinks he owns us right now.

The Bartender sets down the drink.

BARTENDER

Seven-fifty.

Trent searches his pockets, becoming flustered.

TRENT

I must have left my wallet at home.

Robert pays for the drink.

ROBERT

Happy to help out a friend.

He moves his stool closer to Trent’s.

What type of person are you hoping to hire?

The door tinkles open. KIMMIE, (20’s) walks in, greasy hair combed to the side, hook nose, and skinny beyond anything fashionable. She approaches the men.

KIMMIE

Trent. Us d…d…dating isn’t working for me.

Kimmie steps back and chews her lip anxiously. She looks at Robert and then apologetically at Trent.

KIMMIE

I wanted to tell you in p…p…person, instead of ghosting you.

Kimmie twiddles her thumbs nervously, glances at Robert, and then moves closer to his chair.

TRENT

What? I thought this was about getting to know each other better. I wanted to tell you about the new Jag I’m getting.

KIMMIE

I’m s…s…sorry. I’m just not interested.

(to Robert)

Why’re you h…h…here? I thought you didn’t–that you and Trent weren’t–

ROBERT

(overloud)

Of course, we are. Friends. In fact, we’re talking about working together.

KIMMIE

Sorry. I shouldn’t have–

TRENT

(to Robert)

You know Kimmie?

ROBERT

She’s my cousin.

TRENT

You need to tell her what a great guy I am.

(to Kimmie)

You don’t’ want to miss out, Kimmie… babe. I’ve got what it takes to set you up right.

Kimmie glances at Robert, chewing on her lip again. She takes a quick breath and then blurts:

KIMMIE

S…s…someone told me that you’re all blow and no g…g…go.

TRENT

Who…? Robert? You told her that?

Robert jumps up and puts his arm around Kimmie’s shoulders, hugging her into him with a big fake smile.

ROBERT

Kimmie girl. You must be mistaken. I was talking about someone else. Not Trent here.

KIMMIE

I t…t…told you who I was going out with, and you said–

Robert spins Kimmie to face him, holding onto both shoulders.

ROBERT

…you must have misunderstood. Trent here is fixing to open his own business. He’s…

KIMMIE

…You said he was a f…f…fake–

Kimmie trails off as Robert narrows his eyes and shakes his head slightly.

KIMMIE

Sorry. I shouldn’t have–

She looks ready to cry.

KIMMIE

–I’m not very good at this.

Trent steps in and puts his own arm around Kimmie’s shoulders, pulling her away from Robert.

TRENT

Come on, Kimmie. You don’t want to listen to him. I’ve got plenty of women to choose from but I want to be with you. I’m a man who’s going up in the world. You’ll regret it if you leave now.

Trent pulls his barstool over and pushes Kimmie toward it.

Kimmie pulls away, swaps glances with Robert and turns, scurrying from the room.

TRENT

(calling after her)

Kimmie, please…

Trent whirls to Robert, anger thinning his lips.

TRENT

You son of a bitch. She could have been my soulmate. You ruined this for me.

ROBERT

Maybe I did. I’ve watched you go after a dozen women at work. I didn’t want her to get taken in.

Trent smooths his mustache again. His breathe comes quickly, teeth clenched.

TRENT

I oughtta…You better believe I’m not going to hire you for my new business now.

ROBERT

You can’t even pay your bar tab. –I’m going to use the john.

TRENT

We’re not done. Nobody gets to treat me like this.

ROBERT

We’re done. And I don’t need you to hold my hand.

Robert makes his way to the back of the room, leaving Trent to fume.

Trent dabs his mustache carefully with his napkin, looking furtively to either side. No one is paying attention. He puts his napkin in his pocket and follows Robert to the bathroom.

There is a beat of silence and then the sound of a scuffle. Something bangs the inside of the bathroom door.

Several PEOPLE look that way but there is a surge of LAUGHTER from a table near the door and they go back to their drinks.

Robert emerges, looking furtively around the room. Nobody notices. He glances down and sees blood on his knuckles. He carefully pulls his napkin, wipes his knuckles, smooths his mustache, and walks toward the door, stopping just long enough to drink the last of Robert’s beer and steal the tip he left.

[Brenda Boddy]

BRENDA BODDY – WRITING A SCENE.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

ROBERT (40’s), business suit, greasy hair slicked to cover a bald spot, sits at the bar nursing his drink.

TRENT (40’s) slides onto a barstool, pulling the seat out to accommodate his paunchy stomach. He carefully smooths first his hair and then his mustache, signaling the BARTENDER.

ROBERT

Trent? Good to see you, man. I thought you said you never come down here.

Robert turns, astonished, and slaps Robert on the back.

TRENT

Robert? Everyone slums now and again.

He moves closer, lowering his voice, his eyes darting around the room.

TRENT

The truth is, I’m meeting a girl here. Her suggestion, since she works across the street. Nicest piece of tail I’ve seen in a long time.

ROBERT

Good for you, bud. I don’t seem to have much luck with the female species.

TRENT

She’s falling hard for me. You have to look the part, you know.

(winks)

And it never hurts to embellish yourself a little.

The Bartender stops in front of Trent.

TRENT

Lemon drop.

She stirs the drink and hands it to him.

BARTENDER

Seven-fifty.

Trent turns back to Robert.

TRENT

Tell you what, buddy. I’m kind of celebrating tonight. You get our drinks now, and I’ll get everyone’s drinks when my gal gets here. I want you to meet her.

Robert hands some cash to the Bartender.

ROBERT

One round.

TRENT

Speaking of my drink. I could sit there like you and suck on a beer, or I can order something more elegant. It’s about appearances. The ladies like a sophisticated man.

Trent elbows Robert and winks again.

TRENT

Flash some style and cash and you can have whatever woman you want.

Trent smiles knowingly at Robert and completely downs his drink. He carefully dabs his mouth and resmooths his mustache.

Robert sits back in his chair and takes a satisfying gulp of his own beer.

ROBERT

Each to their own. We don’t make enough to interest me in expensive drinks that I don’t even like.

Robert takes another swig and burps.

TRENT

I have quite a tidy inheritance handed down from a favorite uncle. When the estate sells, I’ll be opening my own business. Money is no object for me.

Trent catches the Bartender’s eye and raises his empty glass.

TRENT

In fact, I’ll be hiring a few good men. It’ll be nice to quit working for the low-life who thinks he owns us right now.

The Bartender sets down the drink.

BARTENDER

Seven-fifty.

Trent searches his pockets, becoming flustered.

TRENT

I must have left my wallet at home.

Robert pays for the drink.

ROBERT

Happy to help out a friend. What type of person are you hoping to hire?

The door tinkles open. A stunning blond, KIMMIE, (20’s) approaches the men.

KIMMIE

Trent. Us dating isn’t working for me. I wanted to tell you in person, instead of ghosting you.

TRENT

What? I thought this was about getting to know each other better. I wanted to tell you about the new Jag I’m getting.

KIMMIE

I’m sorry. I’m just not interested.

(to Robert)

Why’re you here? I thought you didn’t…that you and Trent weren’t…

ROBERT

(overloud)

Of course, we are. Friends. In fact we’re talking about working together.

TRENT

Wait. You know Kimmie?

ROBERT

She’s my cousin.

TRENT

You need to tell her what a great guy I am.

(to Kimmie)

You’re going to miss out, Kimmie… babe. I’ve got what it takes to set you up right.

KIMMIE

(glancing at Robert)

Someone told me that you’re all blow and no go. Not that it matters. I really have to go.

TRENT

Who…? Robert? You told her that?

ROBERT

Kimmie. You must be mistaken. I was talking about someone else. Not Trent here.

KIMMIE

I told you who I was going out with and you said…

ROBERT

…you must have misunderstood. Trent here is fixing to open his own business. He’s…

KIMMIE

…You said he was a fake.

TRENT

Well I’m completely offended.– Sneaking around behind people’s backs.

(to Kimmie)

Go ahead and go if that’s what you want. I’ve got plenty of women to choose from. Women who appreciate a man who’s going up in the world and don’t mind living in luxury the rest of their lives.

Kimmie looks at him a moment, swaps glances with Robert and leaves.

TRENT

You son of a bitch. You screwed the start of a good relationship.

ROBERT

She’s my cousin. I’ve watched you go after a dozen women at work. I didn’t want her to get taken in.

Trent smooths his mustache, again and again. His face seems to struggle to keep the anger in.

TRENT

I oughtta…

ROBERT

You can’t even pay your bar tab. I’m going to use the john.

Robert makes his way to the back of the room. Trent dabs his mustache carefully with his napkin, looking furtively to either side. No one is paying attention. He puts his napkin in his pocket and follows Robert to the bathroom.

There is a beat of silence and then something bangs the bathroom door, from the inside. Several people look that way, but there is a surge of LAUGHTER from a table near the door and they go back to their drinks.

Robert emerges, looking furtively around the room. Nobody notices. He glances down and sees blood on his knuckles. He carefully pulls his napkin, wipes his knuckles, smooths his mustache, and walks toward the door.

[Brenda Boddy]

BRENDA BODDY – MAX INTEREST PART 1

What I’ve learned…These tips are great for showing instead of telling.

ASSIGNMENT:

LOGLINE: A man drags a woman, who tried to escape his abuse, into the bedroom and disciplines her for trying to leave him.

ESSENSE: This scene is a way to tell how abusive Justice is in his present state, and why his family would hate him, while also allowing us a glimpse of his corruption.

Surprise – the location seems serene, until Justice drags his wife into the room.

Suspense – he silently warns his wife to be quiet during a phone call.

Shock – after thinking he is done intimidating the wife, he turns away, only to spin and punch her.

INT. MASTER BEDROOM – HOME – DAY

A tasteful room, the four-poster bed dominating the far wall. Everything in its place. Sun shining through the window. This could be one of those houses in a magazine.

Except people don’t get beat up in those houses. In this house they do. SWIVEL to the door as it SLAMS open.

An angry, white MAN pushes a black WOMAN inside, his fist wrapped in her hair. A Goth, bi-racial, GIRL follows, CRYING, yanking his arm.

The man, JUSTICE (mid 30’s), alpha, is dressed Texas chic… all hat and no cattle. He throws the girl away from him.

The woman, Kenzie (early 30’s), struggles, her attention on getting between him and the girl, but her slender body is no match for his muscular frame.

KENZIE

Leave her alone, asshole.

JUSTICE

Did you forget I work in this town? I have contacts…everywhere.

The girl, SAMANTHA (13), launches herself at her father. He knocks her away from him again.

JUSTICE

I swear, Samantha. This kind of thing wouldn’t happen if your mom didn’t make me do it.

Justice’s phone RINGS. Justice glances at the caller. Throws Kenzie against the wall, pointing a warning finger for silence.

JUSTICE

(into phone)

Yea.

Justice listens, his eyes promising consequences if Kenzie moves.

JUSTICE

(into phone)

On my way.

Justice hangs up the phone.

JUSTICE

You lucked out, Kenzie. But you’re mine. Don’t you…ever…try to leave again.

Justice turns away shaking his head, then suddenly spins and drives his fist into Kenzie’s belly. She crumples, rolling into a ball with a painful MOAN.

Justice looks at her without expression.

JUSTICE

(quiet and gentle)

I don’t think you heard me.

Justice kicks Kenzie in the ribs. He puts up a hand to stop Samantha, without looking at her. Another GROAN from Kenzie.

KENZIE

I heard you, Justice.

Justice loses interest. He pulls a jacket from the closet and puts it on. He flips out a DIFFERENT PHONE and dials.

JUSTICE

(into phone)

Get your ass out of there. We’re on the way.

[Brenda Boddy]

BRENDA BODDY – PROFILES PEOPLE

What I learned…I found this extremely interesting. You subconsciously know things about people without really profiling them. Once I did this, I reacted to them differently. Before things about them bothered me. Now I’m realize it’s just them and their traits. I’m excited to do this with my characters.

PERSON D: Regular person: Two normal traits and two extreme traits.

Hard working, Protective, Racial, His way is the right way. This person is always working and providing for his family. He loves his children and wants them to succeed, but always tells them what to do ‘in his opinion’. He doesn’t like mixed races and won’t let anyone tell him what to do. Becomes angry if you disagree with him or ignore his advice.

Person K: Regular person: Two normal traits and two extreme traits.

Super friendly, lazy, emotionally immature, fake. This person feels like your best friend and tells you all the great things he has done and can accomplish for you. However, he often can’t do those things and is just faking you out. To your face he is industrious and the one you can count on. Behind your back he immediately stops working and lets things slide or does a bare minimum job to fake you out that he was working.

Person A: Extreme person: two extreme traits and two normal traits.

Depressed, withdrawn, hates herself, hard worker, true friend. This person will back you to the end, but she’s often unreliable because she’s wrapped up in her world and how she feels. She constantly tells herself that she’s useless, anxious, and depressed. She knows how important it is to accept herself for who she is, to exercise and oxygenate her body to stay alert and feel good, but her first reaction to anything is, “I don’t want to be fat’, and she goes to bed to sleep as often as she can.

MY SCRIPT: BORDER JUSTICE

Person Justice: GOOD GUY IN MY SCRIPT: One extreme good guy trait, two normal traits, and one bad guy trait.

He’s laid back, kind, and won’t let anyone be rough with women or animals, his handshake and his word is his bond, he’s a hard worker, and he will kill anyone who gets in his way.

As a lawman, Justice uses his superpower of helping others. When he says he’ll get the job done…he’ll get the job done, even if it means he must kill the bad guy. He’s never afraid to charge into danger.

Person Mason: Extreme person: Two normal traits and two extreme traits.

Rule follower, loyal, sharp dresser (cares how he appears to others), excitable and anxious.

Mason is Justice’s partner. Where Justice fears nothing and charges into danger, Mason over-thinks, and worries about consequences. He will reluctantly follow but doesn’t like to cut corners or be on the wrong side of the ‘rules’.

Person Cuervo: BAD GUY: Two extreme bad traits, one trait that is similar to the good guy, one positive trait.

Ruthless, Corrupt, Will kill anyone in her way, loves her son.

Cuervo is shipping drugs and women across the border. Her son is her right arm that gets things done. If she feels her son is in danger, she will do whatever it takes to protect him.

[Brenda Boddy]

BRENDA BODDY- Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is…this was super hard. I went through and every scene had a purpose…for the story line I’ve written.

The idea for the pilot is an old-fashioned John Wayne sort of personality working as a lawman on our current Southern border. However, there is so much settling into this new life, that there is very little ability in the story for him to be working as an agent yet. I feel like my logline for the pilot and the arc of the season are very different.

Script I choose: Border Justice

Scene 1 Location: I chose to look at my concept first…
Logline: A moral Texas Ranger from a century ago, reincarnates into the body of a corrupt Border Patrol agent who has an abused bi-racial family who is trying to escape him, ultimately teaming with a partner, and arresting the son of the Mexican Cartel. Essence I’ve discovered: My B story and C story had beginnings and middles, but no definitive ending. I added in those, leaving the logline the same.

Scene 2 Location: INT. BAR – NIGHT
Logline: Justice and his partner need to find a way to communicate and get through to his family who just tried to poison him. Essence I’ve discovered: The scene has a point to it, but I felt it was boring, even though it ended with a bar fight. I took out lines of beginning dialogue to shorten the scene…start late and end early. New Logline: Justice and Mason have drinks to figure out a game plan, when a customer gets rough with the female bartender, causing Justice, with his old-fashioned views on how to treat a lady, to get into a fist fight.

Scene 3 Location: INT. JUSTICE’S HOUSE -NIGHT
Logline: Samantha sets out to poison Justice, has second thoughts, and knocks the glass from his hand.
Essence I’ve discovered: This scene shows Samantha’s desperation to get rid of Justice. After years of abuse to his family I felt that her having second thoughts didn’t ring true, so I just left her poisoning Justice. New Logline: Samantha poisons Justice, watches in horror as he reacts to the poison, and then is freaked out when he ‘appears’ to come back to life.

Scene 4 Location:CONCEPT (I already did this above, but now I’m trying to hone in on my idea, instead of fixing my story line.)
Logline: An old fashioned law officer has to learn to fight crime on the border in modern America
Essence I’ve discovered: This is a fish out of water story that starts from Justice waking up in his new body and discovering who he is now and how to act. He looks at things with old fashioned morals, so it’s not just learning how to act, but he thinks differently and has a different set of values.
New Logline: A moral Texas ranger attempts to learn how to act and bond with a bi-racial family after reincarnating into a corrupt Border Patrol agent.

Scene 5 Location: Character
Logline: A Texas lawman, from a hundred years ago, reincarnates into the body of a modern Border Patrol agent.
Essence I’ve discovered: As a human, this man’s sole intention is getting back to the son he left in the past. The journey he is on in this new body is temporary in his mind until he finds a way home.
New Logline: A Texas lawman, from a hundred years ago, is desperate to get back to his son, after reincarnating into the body of a corrupt Border Patrol agent.

[Brenda Boddy]

1. Brenda Boddy

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Brenda Boddy]

My name is Brenda Boddy. I’ve written 5 scripts. Two features and several pilots. My goal is to elevate the scripts I’ve written, and become a top writer, before cranking out more scripts that aren’t at the level they need to be.

After taking several classes from Cheryl and Hal, one of my features are hitting semi-finalist level from multiple sources, a tribute to how well these classes work. I am enjoying the journey.

[Brenda Boddy]

BRENDA BODDY – FINDS THE ESSENCE

What I learned is that scenes should have a purpose, and if we can share that purpose in a way that pulls in the reader’s feelings, then we can elevate the script.

Script I chose: TITANIC

Scene 1 location: EXT. POOP DECK – NIGHT

Logline: Rose feels so downtrodden, that she runs across the deck and crawls over the rail, thinking about ending it all, but Jack talks her down and gets her back to safety.

Essence: The writer demonstrates, through action and dialogue, that Rose feels like a prisoner to her life and the course it is taking, but she doesn’t want to kill herself. She just wants a way out.

Scene 2 location: EXT. BOAT DECK – DAY

Logline: Rose wants to apologize and thank Jack for his discretion, feels attracted to him, realizing that he is attracted to her.

Essence: The writer uses Jack’s artwork to show his understanding and interest in his subjects, a plant that is used later when he sketches Rose.

Scene 3 location: INT. A-DECK FOYER – NIGHT

Logline: When the other men leave to smoke cigars and talk, Rose follows a note from Jack and meets him in the foyer, ultimately taking her to a party where folks have ‘real’ fun.

Essence: After several scenes of getting to know each other, this scene has Jack looking handsome and at his best and shows her heart falling for him. Later, seeing him standing and waiting for her is a memory she cherishes.

Scene 4 location: EXT. TITANIC – DAY

Logline: Rose searches out Jack and finds him in the bow of the ship, where he pulls her forward and places her in such a way that she feels like she is truly free, a moment that seals her love to him forever.

Essence: After Rose has tried to pull back from Jack, at her mother’s bidding, she finally decides to go after her happiness and love. This scene shows them in sync with their feelings.

Scene 5 location: INT. ROSE’S SUITE – DAY

Logline: After feeling repressed and pushed into a loveless marriage, Rose commits to Jack, expressing her anger at her mom and fiancé by letting Jack draw a picture of her.

Essence: The writer uses this scene as a poignant expression of Jack’s love for Rose through his art.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy. Delivers Irony!

What I learned doing this assignment: This was a hard one for me. I found several instances that I had put irony in and didn’t realize it, but I had trouble adding more.

1). Karma is attacked and doesn’t want her nana to know she’s a stripper.

NANA

Huh…I didn’t hear any. Was the restaurant busy?

Karma stands up. Leans over to kiss Nana.

KARMA

Quiet. Just a few regulars.

2). When Karma is on Mount Olympus, she is arguing with Zeus about her being capable of getting the Godstone. In the background, the cherubs are eating cake and having a party.

3). Zeus is pushing Karma to go after the stone. Karma remarks, “No pressure, huh?”. Zeus goes on to tell her a metaphor of what will happen if she doesn’t get the stone.

4). Karma is attracted to Sobin but she tells him she’s not the kind of girl he’d want to date. She bases this off her own job and self-esteem.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Delivers insights through conflict.

What I learned: This script is built on action and conflict. I went through the scenes, trying to find additional areas to ‘show’ discord.

—Kit talks to Karma in her truck. She doesn’t believe she’s a goddess. He badgers her with singing until she tries her powers out.

–Karma injures someone in her first real use of her powers…

KARMA

(chastened)

That was a cluster-fuck. I didn’t want to act, and you said all that courage bullshit.

KIT

I also told you…”You’re not ready”.

KARMA

You didn’t tell me I was dangerous. I just injured someone.

KIT (V.O.)

Your powers are growing.

KARMA

I don’t want powers that hurt people.

KIT

They’re yours. Get control. You aren’t very…God-like yet.

–Karma doesn’t want the powers if she can hurt people. Kit tries to make her see things in a different way.

KIT (V.O)

That’s nice. I was talking about your confidence, not your sparkle. You look like a comic book. But this might work…Fake it till you make it.

KARMA

It doesn’t change how I feel about fighting or hurting someone.

KIT

When Thamia attacked you, there was an instant reaction to protect yourself. What about those who can’t protect themselves?

KARMA

That’s not fair.

KIT

Someone must stand in the way of chaos, or it will spread.

KARMA

I felt out of control.

KIT

You have to practice.

KARMA

Fine…Fine, let’s do this.

–Zeus needs Karma to find his Godstone. He appears as a young suitor and gives Sobin the wrong idea.

KARMA

(hissing undertone)

I can’t believe you just did that.

ZEUS

That boy radiated interest in you. Gods dating humans never works out. The female always ends up holding the bag…or the baby, if you know what I mean.

KARMA

You would know.

Karma walks furiously toward her truck. Zeus runs to follow.

KARMA

Who I date is none of your business.

ZEUS

I’m your father. I have a right to be protective.

KARMA

Since when? Fifteen minutes ago? You don’t get to come down here and tell me what to do.

Karma gets in her wooden truck.

–Karma is reluctant to get involved again.

POSEIDON

I believe Thamia knows where my Godstone is.

Karma watches the side of the cake recreate itself with new cake and frosting.

KARMA

I don’t understand. Are you guys just morons?

Karma waves her hands around her head, as another cherub floats too close.

KARMA

Don’t these things have radar…? I got the shit beat out of me last time. You need to find someone else to get your stone.

POSEIDON

We don’t have anyone else.

–Karma has just lost her nana. When the dust settles, she is quietly mourning in her own way.

Karma is slumped back in the tub, bubbles up to her neck, eyes closed, head tipped back. Mascara tears streak her face.

KIT (V.O)

Your dad is here. When you’re ready to talk.

She takes a deep drink from her wine bottle. Plunks it down beside the tub.

KARMA

Go away. I want my life back.

ZEUS

There’s no going back. Thamia will be coming for you.

Zeus is leaning against the truck when Sobin arrives.

Sobin heads for Zeus, his jaw set.

SOBIN

Karma has a black eye.

Zeus straightens.

ZEUS

Yea…

Sobin grabs Zeus’s shirt front, slamming him against the truck.

SOBIN

And my daughter just got injured–both incidents happened right after you started hanging around.

Zeus pushes Sobin back. Violently.

ZEUS

If you weren’t dealing with your daughter right now, I’d give you a lesson in manners. Stay away from my Karma.

SOBIN

Your Karma? If I find out you had anything to do with what’s happening around here, I’m coming after you. And if Karma wants me gone, she’ll ask me.

ZEUS

You snotty-nosed cub.

Zeus punches Sobin in the face. Sobin jumps forward and the two tangle in a brawl.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Turns insights into action

What I learned: I enjoyed looking at the action and how it affected my feelings in Seabiscuit. Because my script is an action script, I had done most of this assignment previously, trying to keep the action moving in my script and eliminating too many long passive scenes. This was a way of tightening up too much dialogue and rechecking to see if I were ‘showing’ instead of ‘telling’.

Thamia attacks Karma and there is a spark of lightning between them, demonstrating that she is different.

When Thamia attacks Karma again, Thamia levitates and is consumed by fire that doesn’t burn her. This terrifies Karma, who lost her mom in a fire. Later, immersed in the new ways, Karma is not affected by Thamia and her fire.

Zeus ‘shows’ Karma what powers she has.

Karma practices with her powers and we see she is getting better.

Karma doesn’t get Zeus’s Godstone, but we see her being able to hold her own against demonoids.

Thamia and Karma fight and she’s able to hold her own, although she’s unable to tip the scales without the help of Zeus.

When all seems lost, Karma manifests Poseidon’s powers.

When Zeus is healing, Karma goes after Thamia alone to save Sobin.

Karma is choked and left for dead, but she rises with the full power of Zeus to conquer Thamia.

Karma gives back most of the stones. She keeps a portion in her as Earth’s protector.

Karma rescues a black kitten who is Persephone’s pet. She gives it to Kit who wants someone to love.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Seabiscuit analysis. Profound moments:

Father teaches son to love books. This love follows him through his journey.

Parents send son with a horse owner. Journey starts.—Empathy with audience.

Red literally has to fight to take care of himself.—We feel for the boy.

A son dies, sending Charles on a different path. He shuts up his barn of cars. He plays with a game representing his son.–This sets up empathy for the man who will later own Seabiscuit.

Wife leaves.

Charles meets new wife who is into horses. Scene at the restaurant and horse rides showing them falling in love. –Demonstrating the journey into the horse world.

A good jockey offers to help the red.–(Metaphor of where red wants to be).

Tom says, “You don’t throw a life away because he’s banged up a little.” Seems to become motto for how journey continues. This is repeated later.

Charles sees fighting horse and fighting jockey.–The similarities in them causes him to put them together.

Ride showing Seabiscuit improving his running.–Down and out horse and trainer are starting to work together and bond.

Seabiscuit wins a series of races and then loses an important one because Red can’t see. Theme comes back…You don’t throw a life away because it’s a little banged up.

Red gets drug by horse—changes the journey. We have even more empathy because we bonded with this him.

Horse wins the race.

Red and Horse greeting each other, both in casts—heart jerker. Uses action to get the point across instead of telling.

Seabiscuit and Red decide to do comeback ride.

Charles is afraid to let Red ride, but finally lets him.–Again the toy is the metaphor for his son. He is afraid the Red might die.

Seabiscuit wins. People thought they rescued a broke down horse, but the horse rescued the people who worked with him.—Feel good, wrapped up ending.

[Brenda Boddy]

BRENDA BODDY – LIVING METAPHORS

What I learned in this assignment: These are ways to layer in the journey from old ways to new ways without being on the nose.

SHOULD WORK BUT DOESN’T:

Karma stops men transporting kidnapped women in a truck. Kit has to help her, because she doesn’t believe in her powers.

Karma enters a house being robbed. Kit stops a masked man from choking Karma out.

Karma tries to stop an old man from being beaten up. Kit must help. Karma bargains. She wants to carry a stick to change into a weapon, because she doesn’t think she inherited Zeus’s powers.

Karma fights Thamia. She needs Zeus to help her.

Karma goes after Zeus’s Godstone. She should be able to deal with Kerberos, but she gets beat up.

Karma tries to save Samantha and gets captured.

LIVING METAPHOR CHALLENGES:

Karma refers to Thamia as chaos, a metaphor in this script as anything evil or criminal.

Zeus takes over training Karma. She can’t beat him because she believes she can’t and ends up on her back on the ground, no matter what type of fighting they do…until he tells her to pretend that he’s trying to hurt her nana.

When Karma, Sobin, and Zeus go after Thamia, Zeus tells her–

“This fight…here…now…is more important than any battle this country has gone through. The world wars? They don’t compare. The one who obtains these Godstones determines whether life as you know it continues…or if creation becomes another version of hell.”

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Counter examples

What I learned: I previously went back through my script and changed some of the dialogue to question Karma’s actions, so that she thought of things in a different way. As she applied herself she also ‘learned’ new ways of viewing herself. Now I’ve layered in some counter examples. There is a completely new scene where she wants to go back to being herself, but otherwise I’m not sure I’m doing this right.

Old Ways Counter examples

In the beginning…Karma doesn’t believe she has power, but there are incidents around her that demonstrate power—the radio talks to her, the remote-control flies into her hand, lightning ignites between her and Thamia.

Karma doesn’t believe she has powers.–Kit challenges her, “What does it hurt to try?”

Karma hurts someone. Doesn’t want to use her powers.—Kit challenges her, “master them.”

Karma doesn’t believe who she is.—Kit makes her repeat that she is a ‘goddess’.

Karma doesn’t think she’s good enough to get the Godstones.—Zeus has no one else. Tells her she’s the “only one.”

Karma failes to get Zeus’s stone. Doesn’t think she can get Poseidon’s stone.—Zeus asks her, “What will happen if a being, such as Thamia, gets the power to rule creation?”

NEW SCENE:

Karma is in the tub, mourning her nana, drinking. She tells Zeus and Kit, who are talking to her through the door, to go away. She wants her old life back.

Zeus rallies her. “There’s no going back. Thamia is coming for you.”

Karma feels they may have a chance if Zeus fights alongside her. When he is taken out, she believes she can handle this herself.

When Thamia injures Sobin, and chokes Karma to death…she rises, with the full strength of Zeus, and annihilates Thamia.

At the end, Karma feels like the normal people working in the streets of New York are a lifetime away from who she is now.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – OLD WAYS CHALLENGE CHART

What I learned: I went back through my script and changed some of the dialogue to question Karma’s actions, so that she thought of things in a different way. As she applied herself she also ‘learned’ new ways of viewing herself.

Old Ways Challenge

Karma doesn’t believe she has powers.–Kit challenges her, “What does it hurt to try?”

Karma hurts someone. Doesn’t want to use her powers.—Kit challenges her, “master them.”

Karma doesn’t believe who she is.—Kit makes her repeat that she is a ‘goddess’.

Karma doesn’t think she’s good enough to get the Godstones.—Zeus has no one else. Tells her she’s the “only one.”

Karma failes to get Zeus’s stone. Doesn’t think she can get Poseidon’s stone.—Zeus asks her, “What will happen if a being, such as Thamia, gets the power to rule creation?”

Karma feels they may have a chance if Zeus fights alongside her. When he is taken out, she believes she can handle this herself.

When Thamia injures Sobin, and chokes Karma to death…she rises, with the full strength of Zeus, and annihilates Thamia.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – OLD WAYS CHALLENGE CHART

What I learned: I went back through my script and changed some of the dialogue to question Karma’s actions, so that she thought of things in a different way. As she applied herself she also ‘learned’ new ways of viewing herself.

Old Ways Challenge

Karma doesn’t believe she has powers.–Kit challenges her, “What does it hurt to try?”

Karma hurts someone. Doesn’t want to use her powers.—Kit challenges her, “master them.”

Karma doesn’t believe who she is.—Kit makes her repeat that she is a ‘goddess’.

Karma doesn’t think she’s good enough to get the Godstones.—Zeus has no one else. Tells her she’s the “only one.”

Karma failes to get Zeus’s stone. Doesn’t think she can get Poseidon’s stone.—Zeus asks her, “What will happen if a being, such as Thamia, gets the power to rule creation?”

Karma feels they may have a chance if Zeus fights alongside her. When he is taken out, she believes she can handle this herself.

When Thamia injures Sobin, and chokes Karma to death…she rises, with the full strength of Zeus, and annihilates Thamia.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – 12 Angry men analysis

What I learned doing this assignment was that you can question a situation to make a protagonist begin to have a shift in their perceptions.

I’m going to lump the 11 jurors who thought the boy was guilty onto one side and juror number 8 onto the other.

The 11 jurors thought the boy was guilty not only by their personal perceptions and experiences, but their belief that the system had treated the boy fairly and done its best to show his side of the case.

Juror 8 also started the journey with his own perceptions, which included ‘life is important’ and a belief that decisions involving the death penalty were not to be taken lightly. Because of this he became the change agent.

Each time a challenge was brought to the table (duplicate knife, angle of stabbing, not remembering the movies the kid saw, the kid’s decision to come home, the woman seeing the incident without her glasses, and the noise the train made) jurors were impacted by their own life experiences and realized they were judging the crime through their own-colored glasses. One by one they began to have a shift in their perception of whether the kid was guilty.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Profound ending

What I learned doing this assignment: I looked for more ways to drop in hints of the profound truth, without being obvious. The questions triggered ways I could deliver more powerfully.

What is your Profound Truth and
how will it be delivered powerfully in your ending? I’ve changed my
profound truth to be ‘Chaos, if left unchecked, will create more chaos.’
When Karma wraps things up in the ending scenes, she keeps some of the
Godstone in her because she feels someone on Earth needs to be able to stand
against chaos.
How do your lead characters
(Change Agent and Transformable Characters) come to an end in a way that
represents the completed change? In the beginning, Karma doesn’t
want to fight, and doesn’t believe in herself. As she evolves, she becomes
competent against Thamia, who is also evolving into a force to take over
the world.
What are the setup/payoffs that
complete in the end of this movie, giving it deep meaning?Going
through the steps of the gradients…

Karma doesn’t believe she has
power.
She begins to be more
efficient with her power but relies on aids instead of believing in
herself.
When her
nana dies, Karma realizes this is only going to get worse unless someone
stops Thamia.
She only feels like she can
win against Thamia if Zeus is fighting with her.
When Zeus is taken out of the
equation, she realizes she can take on Thamia herself.
When Thamia kills Karma at the
end, she rises as a true goddess, to eliminate Thamia.

How are you designing it to
have us see an inevitable ending and then making it surprising when it
happens?Karma spent the entire script not being able to match Thamia’s
powers. In this type movie, the good guy (goddess) wins, but I tried to
make Karma die (because a demi-goddess is mortal), so that she could come
back as a full on goddess.
What is the Parting Image/Line
that leaves us with the Profound Truth in our minds?Karma gives Zeus
and Poseidon’s Godstones back to them, but they are smaller. She reveals
that she kept a part of the stones in her so that she could protect earth,
because ‘chaos, if left unchecked, creates more chaos.’

[Brenda Boddy]

BRENDA BODDY- CONNECTION WITH AUDIENCE.

What I learned doing this assignment is…I originally had two different introductions for Karma. I went back and put in the one in that ‘showed’ her humanity, taking care of her cripped nana. Doing the previous assignment (putting in levels of gradients) also helped this process as I consciously looked for ways to show denial, anger, etc.

RELATABILITY: Karma is introduced by bringing her crippled, burned nana from the doctor. She works as a waitress and is struggling to pay bills. She’s freaked out when Thamia attacks her and confused when she hears and sees things.

INTRIGUE: Karma is having dreams and hearing things. We know things are not normal in her world. She’s frightened by these things which comes back to Relatability.

EMPHATHY: Karma is attacked. She doesn’t know why or what’s happening. She’s hearing voices. Later on…she has trouble dealing with her powers and eventually her nana dies.

LIKABILITY: Karma’s neighbor Sobin likes her. She is loved by her nana that she takes care of. She helps the neighbor girl.

[Brenda Boddy]

BRENDA BODDY, TRANSFORMATIONAL STRUCTURE

What I learned doing this assignment…I was still confused on the last assignment of where those gradients went and how to use them. Then when I put them in the outline below, I was able to dig a little deeper and come up with more substance to my script. Still don’t know if I’m doing it right and I’m pretty sure no one else is going to understand my outline, but it’s improving.

PROFOUND TRUTH: Karma is the only one who can stop Thamia from ruling creation.

LOGLINE: A demi-goddess in NYC is tutored by a magical lion to master her powers and stop Hades’s daughter from ruling creation.

EMOTIONAL GRADIENT: FORCED CHANGE.

MM #1 – Pages 1 – 15 – Our hero’s status quo, his ordinary world, ends with an inciting incident or “call to adventure,” introducing the story’s main tension.

Karma likes the neighbor and is taking care of her nana. OLD WAY – Doesn’t know who she is.

Turning Point: Call to Adventure. She is attacked by Thamia.(PG 10), then attacked again (PG 15).

WEAKNESS: She doesn’t know who she is. CHALLENGE: To accept she has powers.

DENIAL:

MM #2 – Pages 15 – 30 – Our hero’s denial of the call, and his gradually being “locked into” the conflict brought on by this call.

Turning Point: Locked in. KIT, a white lion, instructs Karma on trying out her power. Karma is in denial until her encourages her to ‘just try’. She finds she can change inanimate objects. She now believes she has some power but…

WEAKNESS: She’s not effective or strong with her powers. CHALLENGE: To learn to use her powers correctly.

Thamia strikes again and Karma is whisked up to meet her day (Zeus).

MM #3 – Pages 30 – 45 – Our hero’s first attempts to solve his problem, the first things that anyone with this problem would try, appealing to outside authority to help him. Ends when all these avenues are shut to our hero.

Karma meets her father, ZEUS, who is eager to start teaching her the ways of a goddess. Kama refuses, determined to go home because her nana relies on her. Zeus sends Kit to mentor her.

WEAKNESS: Karma is timid and ineffective with her powers. CHALLENGE: To be competent enough to win battles.

ANGER: I don’t have an anger situation. Could Karma be upset about being pushed so hard? The expectations? Too much time away from Nana? Zeus being a bossy dad when he wasn’t in her life before? What does she resent?

BARGAINING: Karma doesn’t feel like she has Zeus’s powers. She wants to carry an object with her that she can turn into a weapon.

Turning Point: Standard ways fail. Kit has helped Karma, but now she’s out of time. Thamia is after the Godstones. She’s tasked with getting Zeus’s.

MM #4 – Pages 45 — 60 – Our hero spawns a bigger plan. He prepares for it, gathers what materials and allies he may need, then puts the plan into action — only to have it go horribly wrong, usually due to certain vital information the hero lacked about the forces of antagonism allied against him.

Karma goes after Zeus’s Godstone and ends up getting beat up. NOTE: Karma did not know about Kerberos. Can his metamorphosis freak her out?

WEAKNESS: Karma isn’t a good fighter and she see’s things as they are…not the danger they might be. CHALLENGE: To suspect danger in every interaction with Thamia and her sidekick, Kerberos.

ANGER: Could anger be used at this point? At herself for failing? At Zeus for not telling her about Kerberos? At being thrust into a dangerous situation that she doesn’t want?

Turning Point: Plan backfires. Karma doesn’t get the Godstone. (Should Karma get some fighting tips from her dad here?)

MM #5 – Pages 60 — 75 – Having created his plan to solve his problem WITHOUT changing, our hero is confronted by his need to change, eyes now open to his own weaknesses, driven by the antagonist to change or die. He retreats to lick his wounds.

Karma gets full information on Poseidon’s Godstone. No surprises. She is able to retrieve it.

HOPE: This feels like she gets hopeful about life, but this is part of a different gradient.

Turning Point: The decision to change.

Her nana dies during Thamia’s invasion to the final Godstone.

DEPRESSION: Montage of depression? Does Sobin go downtown alone? When does Sobin argue with Zeus?

Karma realizes she is the only hope to stop Thamia. She goes after her.

Thamia attacks Karma and she works with Zeus to fight Thamia off. NOW SOBIN KNOWS ABOUT THAMIA AND ZEUS.

MM #6
– Pages 75 – 90 – Our hero spawns a new plan, but now he’s ready to change. He puts this plan into action…and is very nearly destroyed by it. And then…a revelation.

Karma feels she needs Zeus with her to succeed.

Karma, Zeus, and Sobin actively seek out Thamia, but Thamia kidnaps the neighbor 0

WEAKNESS: Karma has one Godstone (Poseidon’s), Thamia has two.

Karma is mortal, Thamia is immortal.

CHALLENGE: To rescue Samantha.

Zeus and Karma manage to get Sobin out of there and rescue Samantha, but Zeus is severely damaged and must heal. REVELATION-Karma doesn’t need him. She can do this herself.

Turning Point: The ultimate failure..

MM #7 – Pages 90 – 105 – The revelation allows our hero to see victory, and he rejoins the battle with a new fervor, finally turning the tables on his antagonist and arriving at apparent victory. And then the tables turn one more time!

Karma goes after Thamia and Kerberos to save Sobin. She injures Thamia and kills Kerberos and the hounds of hell in a fight on the Statue of Liberty. But then…Thamia gets the final Godstone.

Turning Point: Apparent victory.

MM #8 – Pages 105 – 120 – The hero puts down the antagonist’s last attempt to defeat him, wraps up his story and any sub-plots, and moves into the new world he and his story have created.

Sobin is injured. Karma is choked and left for dead. But…she finally believes she is a goddess. She manifests the full power of Zeus and destroys Thamia.

New way – Believes in her DNA.

Turning Point: New status quo.

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[Brenda Boddy]

BRENDA BODDY. Three Gradients.

What I learned doing this assignment: This was very difficult. My story didn’t follow the gradients well and had some gradients from the other model. Some gradients repeated in different places and some were completely out of order. I can see that this will help the story arc, but my story isn’t there yet.

The forced change is the emotional gradient I used.

SET UP: Karma is having ‘incidents’ and ‘dreams’ that make her doubt her sanity. She is just beginning a romance with the neighbor and takes care of her invalid nana.

Actions: Hades’s daughter attacks Karma.

Weakness: She doesn’t know who she is. Challenge: To accept that she has powers.

Action: Karma is whisked to meet her father, Zeus. She is sent off to practice with Kit (mentor), a magical white lion.

DENIAL: Karma doesn’t believe she has power.

Weakness: Karma can’t do the ‘things’ her father can. And she’s sloppy and inept with the powers she’s able to access. Challenge: To Believe.

ANGER:??

Action: Zeus and Poseidon task Karma with getting to their Godstones before Thamia.

DOUBT: She reluctantly agrees, feeling like they have the wrong goddess for the job.

Weakness: Karma is learning to change inanimate objects, but she’s still unable to create the type of power that Zeus has. She thinks she may not have inherited as much as he believes. Challenge: To believe.

Action: Karma can change inanimate objects. She thinks this could be all the power she has.

BARGAINING: Karma thinks that she only inherited a portion of Zeus power. She wants to summon or carry an object with her. She could then change it into whatever weapon she needs.

Weakness: The obstacles Karma meets are increasingly difficult, but Karma still hasn’t mastered the total power she needs to protect creation. Challenge: To believe.

Action: Karma’s nana dies during a raid by Thamia’s minions.

DEPRESSION: Karma feels it’s her fault that she didn’t stay closer to her nana.

Weakness: Karma feels Thamia is stronger than her. Challenge: To find Thamia and stop her increase of power.

COURAGE: Karma believes Thamia is stronger but is willing to go after her anyway.

Action: Thamia attacks Karma. With the help of her father and neighbor, they run Thamia off.

Action: Thamia is able to kidnap the neighbor girl. When Karma, Sobin, and Zeus go to save her…Zeus and Karma are caught and beaten up also.

ACCEPTANCE: Karma uses Poseidon’s Godstone to stop Thamia.

Weakness: She can’t save the people she loves. Challenge: To believe she is a goddess.

[Brenda Boddy]

I learned that I had been thinking the magical lion was the change agent, but now I’m thinking the love interest (cop) is creating more emotional change.

Tell us your transformational journey logline.

LOGLINE: A distrustful stripper in New York City teams with a magical lion to understand her growing powers as a goddess, and alongside a cop, defeats an adversary intent on ruling creation.

Tell us who you think might be your Change Agent and
give a few sentences about how that character fits the role. Also,
include: – Their vision: – Their past experience that fits that vision:

Kit is a magical lion that transforms from Karma’s truck. He protects and guides her in the use of her new powers. Sobin, her neighbor cop, guides her in changing her outlook from negative to positive.

Tell us who you think might be your Transformable
Character(s) and give a few sentences about how that character or characters
fit the role.

Karma is a stripper working in New York City to take care of her crippled Nana. When she is attacked by Thamia, daughter of Hades, there is an unexpected spark of electricity that signals to Thamia that Karma is a goddess. She targets Karma as her competition.

Tell us who or what you think might be The Oppression
and give a few sentences about how The Oppression works in your story.

I originally thought the oppression was Thamia, the villain, but I’m also thinking that her job is the oppression because it brings her down.

Tell us who you think might be your Betraying Character
and give a few sentences about how that character fits the role.

I have no idea who this character is. Or how to add this in. I’ll brainstorm.

[Brenda Boddy]

What I learned: To make the logline more personal toward the journey.

Old way: Karma doesn’t believe in herself. Sarcastic toward men.

Journey: Karma learns to trust in a man and her powers to save the world.

New way: Karma saves the world and her true love.

Logline: A distrustful stripper in New York City teams with a magical lion to understand her growing powers as a Goddess and save the man she’s come to love, defeating an adversary who seeks to rule creation.

Previous Logline: Zeus’s newest daughter is attacked in New York City, spiraling her
on a quest, alongside a magical lion, to protect the Godstones
from an adversary who seeks to rule creation.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy, First three decisions

ASSIGNMENT:

“What I learned doing this assignment is TO CREATE A PROTAGONIST WITH A BELIEVABLE JOURNEY THAT MAKES A SIGNIFICANT TRANSFORMATIO IN THEIR EMOTIONAL/PHYSICAL/SPIRITUAL BEING.

My script is about a woman, who doesn’t believe in herself, becoming a goddess.

Give us your three decisions.

What is your profound truth?

THAT YOU CAN ONLY ACCOMPLISH WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN.

What is the change your movie
will cause with an audience?

FROM SYMPHATHIZING WITH THE PROTAGONIST, TO CHEERING HER TRIUMPH.

What is your Entertainment
Vehicle that you will tell this story through?

THIS IS A GREEK EPIC SET IN MODERN NEW YORK CITY

[Brenda Boddy]

What I learned from the movie was showing an emotional change with the character, through his actions, brought the audience with him.

QUESTIONS FOR THE MOVIE

We are looking at this movie from the perspective of the change that occurs for the lead character and the audience.

1. What is the CHANGE this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of this movie?

The change is Phill’s personality from nasty to caring.

He went from nasty, to didn’t care what the consequences, to calculating what actions would get the girl, to giving up the chase, to trying to help others, to ultimately finding his own happiness by putting others first.

2. Lead characters:

o Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change?

The town and reoccurring day is the change agent.

o Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey?

Phill, the weatherman, is the character who makes the journey. He is the one character in<font face=”inherit”> the whole town who needed to change the most.</font>

o What is the Oppression?

Waking up every morning to the same music and knowing the day was starting all over again.

3. How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story?

Watching Phill go through the personality changes, caused by the emotional shift, created by his actions. We are connected emotionally as he learns.

4. Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.” Identify their old way: Identify their new way at the conclusion:

From nasty and sarcastic, to grateful for what he has and caring.

5. What is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing?

Nasty…no consequences…calculating actions…giving up…trying to help others…grateful for what he has.

6. How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?

His previous nasty character couldn’t stand daily interactions with the same people over and over. He adapted to have better interactions. He began to care about Rita and her revelations about looking for a caring and loving man pushed him to start looking at his own actions.

7. What are the most profound moments of the movie?

Driving down the train tracks. Being slapped by the girl repeatedly. Not being able to die. Not being able to save the old man. Finding satisfaction in helping others. Spending the last precious moments of the day with the girl he loves.

8. What are the most profound lines of the movie?

No matter what happens for the rest of my life, I am happy now because I love you.

9. How does the ending payoff the setups of this movie?

He wants the girl of his dreams but doesn’t get her until his personality is worthy. This involves bettering himself as a man and raising his own self-esteem through his actions.

10. What is the Profound Truth of this movie?

You have to be lovable to be loved.

[Brenda Boddy]

My name is Brenda Boddy. I have written five scripts. I want to learn how to write deeper, more ‘profound’ scripts.

[Brenda Boddy]

My name is Brenda Boddy. I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Brenda Boddy]

My name is Brenda Boddy. I agree to the terms of this release form:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Brenda Boddy]

Hi,

My name is Brenda Boddy. I’ve written five scripts and am looking for tips to make one of the scripts more profound.

[Brenda Boddy]

Great job with the interest techniques.

[Brenda Boddy]

Actually, I found this version much clearer. The point is to improve our writing, which you are doing. If Renee is referring to ‘we’ when the pastor is already with someone else, it might make it more of a tangle if you made it clear that she was vying for his attention and wanted to be important to him. Maybe this is as simple as him approaching the girls right after Renee promises not to tell him. Then when Renee lets it ‘slip’ about the tears, Maxine can be frustrated because SHE wanted to tell her husband the news herself. It might also embarrass Renee because her telling the pastor would not make Maxine look bad but reveal her own pettiness because she is trying to tattle and look attractive for the pastor herself.

[Brenda Boddy]

A well thought out and inventive story. You used all the traits well.

[Brenda Boddy]

I liked it.

[Brenda Boddy]

Good job.

[Brenda Boddy]

Yanni, I thought this was super good writing. Very interesting. I got hooked on the story and missed looking for the interest techniques. I’ve learned that the places that I pause are the places that need to be streamlined to make sense.

***A five-year-old is too young to stuff a body in an armoire. Or even move it. She would have to be older. Or maybe the sitter is somewhere else, dead. This is a super cool scene, so I keep thinking there is another way to get the sitter in the armoire, but I haven’t thought of a way yet. Maybe they were playing hide and seek, and she stabbed her right there in the armoire?

If you make the girl too much older, the bath scene wouldn’t work. So, I’m not sure what to suggest here.

***Also, if feels like your theme is split. If this is the story of an abused girl…as cool as the ending is, she has just demonstrated her love for her father (to the point that she murdered a woman to keep her family intact), so she wouldn’t kill her dad. She’d run away or something, and then maybe he gets out, dries himself off, goes to throw his towel in the armoire, and sees a hand or something.

Or…if this is a horror movie…the ending works, but she would have killed the babysitter regardless. And because of her history of violence, he would be scared to leave her with someone, or he would suspect her in the beginning of the scene and NOT put himself in a position she could harm him. His relationship with her would be loving fear, not unsuspecting love.

These things seem so picky, but you have this amazing scene and making this a little more normal to how a dad or kid would act will make it feel more real.

I’m excited to see the final draft.

[Brenda Boddy]

Hi Alfred, you’re doing some good writing. A reminder that we can’t ‘see’ the information you started your scene with. Telling us information that we can’t see slows the read down. Here is an example of how you could start your scene out:

JOHN DAVIS (45), sits with his back to the three ragged boulders that make up Crooks Peak’s ultimate point.

The rest of your scene flows and doesn’t lose anything. The same can be done with Nic. Leave out where he lives and what he does (unless it’s important) and then it comes out in dialogue.

[Brenda Boddy]

Hi Alred. You’ve done a lot of good work to get in all the character traits and interest techniques. Just a quick reminder that if we were sitting in a movie theater, we wouldn’t know things about where Crook’s Peak is located, why it got its name, etc. We also wouldn’t feel that the ‘air feels rarified’. What we would ‘see’ is…

John Davis sitting with his back to a boulder, perched high on a peak, in rock climber gear. John would have to show us the thinner air by breathing hard or mentioning how he’s feeling. We still get know the scene is in an unusual place, and that they are high up without losing any drama from your scene that follows.

[Brenda Boddy]

Just wanted to mention that I thought this was really clever and fun.

[Brenda Boddy]

Hi Alfred,

You’ve done a fantastic job of getting interest techniques in your script.

Really good set-up. Just a quick note. The audience can’t SEE that the cigars and drinks are the ‘good stuff’. Dialogue would have to confirm that. The same goes for Sheila being ‘high profile’. We don’t see her before this scene so later at the reference of ‘you, too, can become a star’ feels awkward. Is Sheila the star? Or is Trent the star for putting this game together? However, you’ve done a great job of showing us what is happening in the scene, so neither of these references would affect the scene or would matter if they were left out.

When Robert bursts into the room wondering why he didn’t get invited…you’re on a yacht. How would he not know what’s going on? Could he be on a cruise liner? Or a special room somewhere? Or Trent’s house? I like the yacht, but it may be more effective if it’s played out somewhere bigger.

“Robert takes Trent’s outstretched hand…” This sentence feels like Robert should say something. Even something simple like, “Don’t worry about it”.

Trent wants to ‘talk about it’ and takes Robert to his stateroom. Then he asks him what he’s up to as though he completely forgot they were going to ‘talk about it’. At this point, Robert already knows there is a poker game going down. Trent is smoothing things over, trying not to let Robert know he’s going to fleece the group. So, his dialogue would probably be about keeping Robert in the room, and away from the game. For example: I’m really sorry about that. I thought you just didn’t respond to my invitation. There’s not enough room at the table now. Why don’t you let me pour you a drink?

You had some great surprises and reveals. The ending was interesting and obviously Robert and Sheila were quite devious. Good job.

[Brenda Boddy]

Hi Lynn,

It’s fun to see all the ways this scene can be done. This is a good idea.

When John noted George sneaking off to the Tack room, it was a good set-up for us, the audience.

It was a little hard to envision Robert shaking hands greedily. But this might be a good opportunity to show gregarious and smooth. If his speech and mannerisms show him pumping people’s hands, laughing, and welcoming…we would then see a shift in his personality when WOMAN tells him what she heard about him spreading the cancer rumor.

You have done a good job of showing us Trent is into some failed business deals. I wasn’t sure about the conversation that started with, “Hey, Trent! I didn’t know you were coming.” If Trent were the black sheep and unwelcome, Granddad and/or Robert, might demand he leave or tell him if he hustled people at the party, he would be escorted off the premises, which would start an argument. I’m not sure that they would just assume he was getting clients for his next adventure (from their friends) and not try to make him stop.

I’m not sure that Trent would come to a huge, public party, with a plan (I have a present for you) to fight Robert. That sounds premeditated. So, a premeditated fight would mean maybe catching Robert coming from work, picking him up for a drink, and then taking him to some alley or abandoned place (which would change your scene). In this situation, Trent suspects Robert of ruining his relationship, so if a conversation escalates to an argument, and the argument gets hot, it would be a great time for Robert to ‘take this somewhere else’ to talk it out so that there isn’t a scene at his granddad’s party. Then that argument could escalate into a fight.

I really liked the suspense and intrigue of having someone in the back tack room. It did make me wonder if a drunk witness would be believable. Maybe a couple of teenagers sneaking back there to have a kiss might still give the audience intrigue and a better witness to the ‘accident’.

This is a fun scenario that you came up with. Looking forward to seeing it evolve.

[Brenda Boddy]

Hi Angelina.

INT. COLLEGE CAFETERIA – MORNING

Great idea.

In your first scene, you have Robert already sitting with the college mates. Then he asks if he can join them. Choose whether he’s already sitting or joining them. You also have COLLEGE MATE 2 laughing which makes me feel like he already knows Robert is gay. To add surprise to your scene, you may want this to look like they’re all good buddies, and the college mates don’t know Trent’s gay until they reach the party.

A change of scene might help here. Maybe your guys are casually talking in the locker room, after a game, about where the next party is. Then they would all be in the same area, without someone who is not in the college mate’s circle (Robert), asking to join them.

Another way would be for Robert to just walk up and squat next to their table and say something like, “Hey guys. There’s a big party at Trent’s tonight. We’re getting everyone together for a kegger.” Show Robert being gregarious (outgoing) and smooth.

INT. TRENT’S HOUSE – EVENING

I can see you showing Trent as a meticulous person. Your party feels like a rich kid’s party (drinks, instead of a beer keg). We, the audience, are not going to know the birthday cake is a fresh strawberry Pavlova unless you have Trent say something about it. Again, I feel like even a rich college kid is going to be more interested in drinking than cake, balloons, and presents. Unless…this was a family birthday party.

If you’re making it a family birthday party, then Trent’s mom would be putting it together. In which case, Trent’s boyfriend (Robert) might bring him a present, his family would bring him presents, but anyone crashing the party would not.

If you’re making this a college kids party, this scene would be more about who’s bringing the beer or keg.

NOTE: A suggestion for showing Trent as a meticulous person would be to play on his gayness. For instance: He could ask Robert if his outfit matched. He could look in the mirror, like a girl would, making sure he’s put together. He could straighten out beer bottles, keeping them neat. He could insist on people throwing their garbage in the can, instead of leaving them around. All the stuff that could also happen if he’s throwing a party at his parent’s house, while they are out of town (in which case it wouldn’t even need to be a birthday celebration).

What is a bit confusing here, is the assumption that Robert knows Trent cheated. We, as a person watching the movie, do not. If, in the middle of the party, we saw Robert walk into a room to find Trent kissing another guy, we would get a surprise AND know that Robert was betrayed. You could play this as someone kissed Trent and he tries to prove his innocence. Or you could play this as he is drunk and sampling someone else, in which case Robert himself might want to beat him up.

Having the college boys beat Trent up works also. Once the kids at the party realize there are a couple of gay guys among them, they could end up beating up BOTH Robert and Trent (and even another kid that Trent might be cheating with). A big party of drunk college kids could do a lot of damage. Our directions never specified that both boys couldn’t get beat up, which also adds a change of direction or surprise.

Putting the college boys put in masks seemed unbelievable because the rest of the party wasn’t in masks. It would have made drinking hard to do. One ‘clown’ of the party might have pranced around in a mask, but it’s doubtful that two guys would stand around drinking in them.

You have a good idea here. I’m just throwing suggestions out because this was a really hard assignment. It always feels easier to see suggestions about what someone else is writing, than it is to come up with ideas when we already have our own story in our heads. Keep up the good work. We’re all in this together.

[Brenda Boddy]

Good ideas. I said their names because the audience wouldn’t know who they were if this were an opening scene, and I didn’t have a backstory. Love the idea about stealing the tip.

[Brenda Boddy]

Fun idea. Lots of use of Hal’s list of interest techniques.

[Brenda Boddy]

Nice writing, Jeremy.

[Brenda Boddy]

Joan. I didn’t understand this either. But I looked at how several other people laid out their responses and suddenly it made sense. Chin up. You’ll get this.