Brendan Guerin
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Brendan Guerin’s Profound Ending (place in first line)
What I learned from this assignment was the need to think through the role of the Change Agent, and of all my characters, who is best placed to play that role? While Ralph Sorely is the obvious change agent, Sorley’s boss further up the food chain in Defense, Hugh Dowding, could also play some kind of Change Agent role, sharing deep insights and personal experiences from World War One with Reg to give him extra power and self-belief to achieve the seemingly impossible.
What is your profound ending?
There is no such thing as a self-made person, lasting success comes through genuine teamwork.
Reg’s ending is the ultimate act of selflessness, a virtue of all members of successful teams. When the end is nigh, after a decade of devoted service to firm and country, Reg chooses to take his life. This act frees those closest to him – loving wife and son – of the burden of sitting with Reg day and night, potentially through months of palliative care, allowing them to move and begin a new chapter in their lives.
How do your lead characters (Change Agent and Transformable Characters) come to an end in a way that represents the completed change?
Transformable character – Reg
Reg is a classic team player. After his cancer diagnosis aged 38, Reg explores new ways of managing the unpleasant and socially-stigmatising symptoms of a colostomy and when his cancer continues to spread post surgery, he tries a new treatment known as radio therapy, hoping to continue working on the Spitfire. While doing everything within his powers to beat cancer, Reg has a Plan B in case Plan A backfires. Reg makes sure Vickers has a skilled, compatible team capable of completing his vital work on the Spitfire design and manufacture, hopefully realising his vision of defending England, after he’s gone.Change Agent – Ralph Sorley ( and maybe Hugh Dowding)
Ralph is a classic mentor character. At the Air Ministry, the young Squadron Leader worked out that future fighters would need eight machine guns, not four as originally conceived by Team Reg. He was able to convince Reg to tear up his program to improve the F-7/30 Spitfire, which was already flying, and begin designing a completely new single-seat fighter, the Type 300, which would eventually be named the ‘Spitfire’. Ralph doesn’t yet feature in the closing scenes, but perhaps he could/should ?
Hugh Dowding could perhaps also be a mentoring character ??What are the setup/payoffs that deliver in the end of this movie, giving it deep meaning?
set-up/pay-off 1:
When Reg and Flo go to the cinema in 1927, they see Hiitler and Mussolini spewing vitriol in preview newsreels, foreshadowing the coming of World War Two.
In the film’s closing scene, Hitler launches a squadron of bombers to attack England, but the Spitfires are ready to take them out as fast as they can cross the English Channel.set-up/pay-off 2:
Early in the film, Reg meets Henry Royce at his private residence in 1929, and detects an odd odour, foreshadowing Reg’s own bowel cancer diagnosis, colostomy and subsequent health, social and professional challenges, and untimely death at just 42 by film’s end.set-up/pay-off 3:
In the film’s opening, Black fascist emblems appear randomly between Italian flags on a screen at Venice Beach during the second Schneider Trophy Contest in 1927.
The same fascist emblems appear on the German bombers in the film’s closing scene.set-up/pay-off 4:
At the Annual Techo’s Binge early in the film, the only board director invited to address the team is lead designer, Reg. Yet down-to-Earth Reg talks like he’s just one of the team – an equal among men.
When the end is nigh, Reg appoints Joe Smith to the leadership role, confident he has created a formidable team – where literally no-one is indispensable, not even Reg.How are you designing it to have us see an inevitable ending and then making it surprising when it happens?
While most viewers will know the Spitfires helped England win the Battle of Britain, few would know its designer, Reg Mitchell, suffered the ghastly symptoms of a colostomy for the last 4 years of his public life and untimely death.
What is the Parting Image/Line that leaves us with the Profound Truth in our minds?
Parting Image or Line could be: Don’t be charmed by talented or showy individuals, just believe in the power of a unified, determined team. -
In this assignment, I discovered the Mini Movie Method is a great tool for a Profound Screenplay because profound change is implicit within it. And it naturally accommodated the Profound Elements as defined in previous lessons. Thanks Hal!
MM #1
<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subtitle: Venice, September, 1927
Venice beach, 200,000 colourful spectators in jubilant anticipation. A few Union Jacks wave hopefully among a sea of Italian flags and black fascist emblems. Fascist slogans infiltrate on the scoreboard.
As seaplanes are towed to the starting line to compete for the Schneider Trophy, a fair-haired man in dark suit and fedora walks swiftly to the Hotel Excelsior and up the stairs to the Roof Garden for a better view through his binoculars.
He’s Reg Mitchell (early 30s), lead designer at Supermarine, maker of the two British S.5 planes in competition. Some 50 UK officials and guests are already there and his wife Florence (early 40s). She gives Reg a knowing smile, he blows a kiss. The starting gun fires.
Five laps in, rain brings down the first of the Italian Maachis, then the second, missing observers’ heads by feet. Only UK pilots Webster & Wolsley in the S.5s finish the race, winning the ‘Flying Flirt’ back from Italy and setting a new speed record. The British contingent goes wild; Italian punters are mortified.
Reg and Flo are in old Venice to see a movie. They watch the previews of uncut newsreels, this time with deep concern at hearing Hitler and Mussolini spewing fascist vitriol to angry young mobs intent on violence. Leaving the cinema, they are aghast at drunken Blackshirts on the footpaths, bullying elderly people and foreigners with police immunity.
Back in England at the Supermarine plant in Southampton, Reg is exploring his next innovation in aero-design. With a passion for illustration, he sketches new concepts for faster flight into beautiful illustrations. He observes birds soaring and diving, searching for clues. He abandons the old struts-and-canvas for his latest invention, adding metallurgist, Arthur Black, to the team.
Reg must strengthen ties with aero-engine partner Henry Royce. He rides an old Enfield motorcycle to Henri’s place outside London in care of a nurse. They share stories and bond. Reg detects an odd sour odour. As Reg leaves, Henry quizzes him about the motorbike, warning ‘these things are death traps’.
Reg and Flo go to the annual Binge of the firm’s technical team. Flo socialises adroitly with Reg’s colleagues. Draftsman Joe Smith hushes the crowd, invites Reg to speak. Relaxed among peers, Reg is humorous and humble, paying tribute to the team he has created. He reminds everyone that wheelbarrows saved the firm after the Armistice. He warns of rising European fascism, ending with a flourish: ‘Supermarine! Thou shalt survive this hour: England hath need of thee!’ Jubilant applause.
MM #2 –
PM Ramsay McDonald announces his refusal to finance Britain’s defense of the next Schnieder trophy. Few MPs speak out against the government’s timidity.
Reg reads the ‘Yellow Book’ on Britain’s Industrial Future and realises belt-tightening of the Depression will only compound the nation’s financial state. The gloomy outlook triggers one of his moods. The PM cynically offers 100,000 quid to defend the Trophy – only if matched with private sources.
Savvy secretary, Vera Cross, liaises daily with Flo to support Reg in these dark times. Vera opens his mail, responds to letters, only approaching Reg to sign when she knows he’s receptive.
Bob tells Reg he may have the private benefactor they need; Lady Lucy Housten, a wealthy Mussilini-admiring socialite and showy Yatchswoman.
Reg is dubious, but slowly warms to the idea. They agree to explore ways to modify the S6 regardless. Reg works day and night with Ernest Hives of Rolls Royce in the drawing room and factory floor on how to upgrade the S.6.
Reg, Bob and Ernesti Giles of Rolls Royce are invited onto Lady Housten’s 300-foot yacht ‘Liberty’. In the stylish Art Deco salon below, Reg tells Lucy the plan for a brand new S.6B with a bigger RR engine. Lucy is impressed, and gladly hands over a cheque for 100,000 quid. She relishes the media opportunity, embarrassing the government.
A delivery guy turns up at the Supermarine factory to collect an old Enright motorcycle. He has a new Rolls Royce sedan to leave in its place. Reg is taken aback, but delighted. The pinnacle of engineering excellence. Reg takes Vera for a spin.
The S.6Bs win the next Race outright, setting another speed record.
Lucy approaches Reg who’s standing outside ‘communing’ with his creature, patting it like a racehorse, warm after winning. They share political views and return to the party.
Lucy tells the media she’s never spent 100,000 quid so well, further embarrassing the PM and his advisers.
Despite the win, the death of several pilots in the contest plunges Reg into despair and self-doubt.
Then Reg’s father Hubert dies leaving him grief-stricken. He struggles to keep working on the S.6B project. Reg suffers abdominal pains but thinks little of it.
MM #3
News arrives that Hitler has seized power in Germany, creating a ruthless dictatorship that menaces Europe. Reg confides with his team.
Reg meets German-speaking Canadian, Bev Shenestone, a math geek and wing specialist who’s looking for a job. Bev reveals unique skill and insight from working in Germany on advanced military planes, well aware the program defied the post-war Treaty. It’s an elite fraternity that transcends nations.
Curious, Reg asks Vera to bring plans for his evolving Type 179 flying boat ‘The Giant’ into his office, inviting Bev’s professional opinion. Reg sees something of himself in Bev’s creative mind and analytical aptitude. He tells Bev to leave his contact details with Vera on the way out. Vera sends a job offer to arrive on Bev’s birthday.
Reg gets a briefing from the Air Ministry for Type 224 but its specifications are contradictory. With time of the essence. Reg starts relying more on his wits and intuition for aero-design breakthroughs, rather than experimentation which is costly and time-consuming. He discovers, through trial and error, that a larger propeller greatly improves the S.6B balance, stability and lift-off. Reg is reassured his vision is viable and instincts are sound.
Still grieving his father’s death, Reg drives son Gordon to Hendon air show to see the firm’s new ‘amphibian’ with its retractable undercarriage. Reg gives Gordon an erudite lesson in physics on route.
Reg and Gordon meet Aussie pilot, Mutt Summers (late 20s), who’s there to test fly the Seagull. Aussie Wing Commander, Lawrence Wackett, is looking to buy some to bolster Australia’s coastal surveillance. Mutt takes the plane up, loops a few times, bringing it down ever so smoothly.
Lawrence orders two dozen to monitor Australia’s vast coastline! Reg is thrilled and deeply thankful.
MM #4 –
Reg sees Dr William Gabrielle ‘Bill’ for a rectal exam. He winces with pain.
Bill invites Flo into the room to sit with Reg. Bill tells Reg he has advanced rectal cancer which has spread to his lower colon. He recommends major surgery which could result in a colostomy, telling Reg if he doesn’t, he could be dead in nine months! With surgery, he might extend that by a few years.
Flo and Reg are silent with shock. Then Flo screams, struggles to breathe, begins to wail. Reg struggles to his feet, draws Flo up on hers, and holds her tight, trembling. Reg hisses to Bill: “In the midst of life, we are in death, then!” Reg and Flo calm. Bill details the practical implications of a colostomy for Reg’s professional and private life.
Post surgery. September 1933. Flo, Gordon and Nurse Helen Richardson help Reg into the Rolls Royce passenger seat after a slow convalescence in sunny sea-side, Bournemouth. Helen has given Reg a shot of morphine, inducing a painless euphoria. He stares out the window in wonder as they travel.
Reg slowly recovers, learning what to eat to avoid diarrhea and flatulence. Flo and Helen rearrange the household to enable Reg to work from home, starting with the dining room table, which becomes a workstation for Reg to meet with colleagues: Vera, Bob, Joe, Alf, Alan, Agony and Bev. The few that know of his health condition.
Exhausted Reg sits in the armchair by the fire. After flicking through the newspapers, he uses a sketchpad and pencil to try and capture hazy forms for future flight from his mind’s periphery.
Reg and Bob agree to abandon conventional wisdom, and try a fresh approach to a killer fighter plane: They call it Type 300 and start conceiving it in-house, just as they did with the Schnieder racers, following their intuitive senses, rather than the Air Ministry’s specs.
Reg visits his GP. He shows Pick the contraption he knocked up in his garage with an off-cut of duralumin plate. The innovation has reduced leakage, even helped restore conjugal relations. Now devotes more time to his loving wife.
Reg hears on the radio that Hitler is demanding parity with its Great War conquerors in land, sea and air forces. The British government doubles down on its appeasement line.
In the UK chamber, the PM openly mocks France, who’s 500,000 strong army is the only thing standing between a rearmed, aggressive Germany and Western Europe.
One renegade Tory, Winston Churchhill, speaks out against Germany’s demands, warning it would almost certainly lead to another European war.Turning Point: Plan backfires.
MM #5 – For the first time since surgery, the Mitchell’s host Bob and Noel with adult daughters Evelyn and younger, feistier ‘spitfire’ Annie for dinner, bringing a sense of normality, and frivolity back to the home.
Smoking cigars by the fire, Reg quietly tells Bob his concern for his family’s welfare should he succumb to cancer. Bob reassures Reg the firm will agree to a generous financial settlement.
At Eastleigh Airport, Mutt takes up the Type 224 for an unofficial test flight. It disappoints on many fronts; speed, cooling system, turning circle, landing span and comfort.
Reg vows never again to design a plane to anyone’s specifications but his own. Searching for inspiration, Reg rings Wes Dudley at the Eastleigh Flying School, to book flying lessons in a Gypsy Moth.
Dudley helps Reg up onto the wing, causing him great pain. Dudley climbs aboard and straps in. Outside, Staunton spins the propeller to prime the carburetor then signals to Reg to flick the ignition. Wesley ducks away just as the engine fires.
On his second lesson, Reg takes off and handles the Gypsy Moth with ease. For once he’s not out to prove anything, only to capture the intense feeling of flight. He settles in to enjoy the ride, the vibration massaging his sore body. He moves his head out from behind the tiny windscreen for a blast of icy air on his cheeks then draws back, smiling child-like at the contrast. Back at Eastleigh airport, Reg hones up his touch-and-go manoeuvres before coming down to perfect land.
At Supermarine, Reg invites Bev to be his ‘Wingman’ on the Type 300 project charged with rethinking wing design in a radical way. Bev is keen but he’s busy on the flying boats. Reg makes it the highest priority for the firm – and the country.
Reg tells Bev he doesn’t just want to build a better airplane but a formidable team that can work together and know the model intimately. Noone can be indispensable.
Now, Reg reveals a secret plan for developing the Type 300, which he’s betting will outperform the Type 224, ultimately replacing it. He tells Bev it must break new ground in speed and agility – to bring down Nazi planes in droves. Reg shows plans for a bigger engine with 400 more horsepower to carry eight forward guns while able to turn on a sixpence – and still be safe.
Bev reveals a new way to design a better wing shape, which will take inspiration from the Zanania Macrocarpa seed with its elliptical form. Bev takes the pencil and sketchpad to illustrate his very initial idea for the new wing and how it would work. Together, they refine their secret plan for the revolutionary Type 300.
Bob meets with Hugh Dowding who agrees on the urgency for deadly fighter planes, not more bombers, if England is to defend itself. Hugh has just been promoted and knighted, becoming an influential ally among top military brass, giving Reg’s team renewed hope.
MM #6 –
It’s been 20 months since surgery. Reg receives his pilot’s license, even wins Eastleigh spot landing competition, giving him a new lease of life. Now he travels to RR meetings in the Gypsy Moth. Goes to Austria with his family, even masters the sport of snow skiing.
Reg slowly circles the painted model of the Type 300 in the factory, admiring the S-shape Lines of Beauty as he waits for war veteran Squadron Leader Ralph Sorley. They meet and bond, sharing experiences over a pipe.
Ralph tells Reg the Germans have been building planes for 12 years now in a Junkers factory outside Moscow. Shows maps of troop training camps under the guise of police units, party militia, sporting clubs and boy scouts. Also training fighter pilots at Lipetsk in the USSR. Like England, Germany now believes war will be won by the airforce, not army or navy.
On the factory floor, Ralph is shocked at the style and grace of the Type 300 mockup, calling it “our Exterminating Angel”. The men talk of replacing guns with cannons. Ralph is impressed by the sheer competence of Reg’s team. Ralph tries to place an order for Type 300 – even before flight tests. Reg resists, warning ‘more haste, less speed’. Ralph accepts his decision and leaves.
At North Stafford hotel, Flo has organised a party for Reg’s 40th birthday with the family, thinking it might be Reg’s last. MOVE?
Reg meets at a hangar with the Type 300 project team: Bev, Joe, Alf, Agony, Ernie Mansbridge (pilot liaison) and Ken Scales (foreman). Five men push the prototype onto the runway, holding the tail section aloft.
Pilots Mutt and Jeffrey Quill arrive to do test flights. Reg tells them to focus on the basics: Take off, Landing, Rudder and Stick control and Speed. No fancy stuff.
Mutt does usual ground checks before signaling for take-off. The engine starts on the 3rd attempt. Mitchell’s blood is racing as Mutt taxis the plane in a zigzag pattern up the tarmac. The plane takes off in a short distance. Mutt completes the flight, lands and alights, with the widest grin: “It’s a real bolter, nimble as a gazelle.”
Bob rings Reg to bemoan the government’s failure to respond to the Nazis reoccupying the Rhineland between Germany and France, against the Treaty. Bob is under pressure from top Air Force brass, Hugh Dowding, to see progress on the Type 300. Reg cautiously agrees to Hugh’s visit.
Reg and Bob drive to the airport and through a police check. The newly painted K5054 is on the tarmac. Hugh and Ralph arrive in a large black Humber Snipe. Reg and Hugh meet, shaking hands with mutual admiration. Mutt takes the plane up, the other men return to the carpark to view. The engine fires on the first attempt.
Hugh and Bob marvel at the raw power of the sleek fighter. lt far exceeds their expectations. They ponder the ethics of the killing machine.
Reg flies to Ipswich to see the new Spitfire put to the final test. He takes the scenic route, taking in the Counties of Berkshire, Hertfordshire, Buckinghamshire and Essex, acutely alive to his own mortality.
At trials, Reg and others discuss the need for advanced pilot training. Is there even time? The top pilots claim the Spitfire flies itself.
Mutt takes the plane up for a test run. Then Edward Jones takes the plane up. Forgets to put wheels down. The tension is palpable. He drops the wheels in the nick of time.
Bob meets Reg at Woolston. He’s brought with him an order from the Air Ministry for 310 spitfires. Reg is delighted and relieved that England might yet defend itself. Now, Reg and his team face a whole new challenge to upscale from a small jobbing firm to an airplane assembly line. Bob and Reg leave the factory for a long lunch to celebrate the milestone.
Reg is told he has 12 months to live.
MM #7 –
Bob meets Reg to reveal tender docs to design new Bombers, Type 316. Reg flips through the brief, then conceives a new prototype in his head, noting key specs. He does a brief sketch. Bob is worried it will fail without Reg on board. Reg tells Bob to believe in the team.
Reg meets with Hugh at Defense who is setting up a team to run a massive RDF network to monitor enemy plane movement, hoping to give advance warning to Spitfires when they do battle. Hugh acknowledges Reg for everything he’s done. He promises to set Reg’s Spitfires to work with ruthless efficiency.
Spanish general Francisco Franco begins a fascist rebellion intent on overthrowing the legitimate republican government, leading into a bloody Spanish civil war.
Sir Oswald Morsley, leads the British Union of Fascists and its Blackshirts, a paramilitary wing of uniformed thugs on a march into the East End. They violently attack poor Jewish refugees, Irish dockworkers, small shopkeepers, even their wives and children.
But the East Enders stand up to them; women hurl refuse and empty chamber pots on the police from upper storey windows. Scores of people are arrested and injured. The Blackshirts break up in disarray, Morsley slinks away and boards a plane for Berlin. The UK media blame the general public for threatening law and order.
Reg and Flo go to the cinema to see Fred and Ginger in SWING TIME. They watch unedited footage of the march and are glad to see the crowd’s discipline and determination against the police.
At Eastleigh, Reg takes his last flight at the controls while he still has the strength. He’s flown around the county and set a course back to the airport. Passing Romsey, he begins his descent for a copybook landing. He accepts help to dismount then walks to the school office to fill in the logbook one last time.
St Mark’s Hospital, London. Reg and Flo. Gab confirms that Reg’s cancer continues to spread. Flo is accepting, much to Reg’s relief.
MM #8 – Flo invites Reg to accompany her and Gordon to the Easter service and meet the new vicar at her church, Rev Stretton Reeves. Flo tries to persuade Reg by retelling the gospel reading of Ahab and Jezebel, drawing parallels with today’s continental fascists. She draws parallels with the biblical Chariots of Fire and Reg’s Spitfire. Humorous banter between them.
Gordon and Reg enter the church. Flo and the choir sing the opening hymn as the service begins. Reg finds comfort in the familiar cadence of the Sunday service. The vicar begins the Easter homily. He rallies the congregation to take courage against the fascist regimes of the continent and embrace our moral convictions. As some in this gathering have done!
Stretton goes to visit Flo, Reg and Gordon at their home. Flo settles the men in the kitchen, leaving them alone to talk. Reg tells Stretton that he keeps working at the firm because he needs to, for fear of becoming a gloomy sod and more of a burden on Flo.
Stretton tells Reg that his needs and Flo’s are inseparable, reminding Reg that no-one can claim to have absolute knowledge. A friendship begins.
Reg bids his goodbyes to the team at Woolston. Anoints Joe as chief engineer. Vera bursts into tears. Reg struggles to his feet and rests his hands on her shoulders.
At home with Reg, Flo reads an account in The Echo of the German air force’s bombing of the Spanish town of Guernica, killing 600 and injuring hundreds more.
When Pick arrives for Reg’s daily home checkup, distraught Flo inquires about the cancer expert in Austria, Dr Leopold Freund, who is developing radiotherapy treatment.
Against his better judgment, Pick agrees to arrange for treatment. Vera organises the flights.
At Eastleigh airport, pilot Jim Beadle introduces himself. Reg casts an approving eye over the Havilland Dragon Rapide that awaits them before boarding for takeoff.
When the plane hits turbulence, Theresa gives Reg a dose of morphia, putting him at ease until the descent into Vienna.
On the tarmac, a Mercedes Benz sedan arrives to pick up the trio for the drive to the hospital. They pass a demonstration. People wearing brown uniforms and jackboots, waving flags with thick black swastikas, over a white disk, set in the middle of a red field.
Reg, Flo and Theresa meet Dr Freund. They discuss military aircraft and strategies. They all fear a German invasion, any day now in the case of Austria.
Leo begins radio-therapy on Reg which goes for weeks. On daily walks, Flo buys The Times. Reg writes letters to Gordon, asking about the garden, his studies and his career plans.
Flo and Theresa take Reg to Cafe Imperial to celebrate his 42nd birthday, almost certainly his last. Reg openly questions the ethics of his new killing machine.
Two weeks later, Leo tells Reg and Flo what they already know. They fly home.
Reg ties up all the loose ends in his life. He rests in a chair admiring the garden. He accepts his fate. Flo and Gordon arrive with a box brownie to take a photograph. He needs help to stand.
Reg awakes at night to see Gordon and Flo sprawled out in upright chairs in a vigil to see him off. Reg decides to lighten their burden, taking a decent swig of the morphia bottle before carefully replacing cap and spoon.
He drifts into his final and most vivid fantasy of flight and speed convinced he had done good in the world.
SUPER Summary of the crucial role of Spitfire fighting and winning in the Battle of Britain.
Profound Truth: There is no such thing as a lone genius, success comes through teamwork. The threat of fascism is ever present; we must remain ever vigilant.
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Brendan’s Three Gradients
What I learned was it is very challenging to apply this model to the book-to-screenplay adaption i’ve undertaken. What i thought was a Profound Story may just be a big action war movie. I really dont know. However, i’m keen to see if i can apply the model. It may be that the Forced Change model is not right for this story and i may need to redo this assignment based on the Desired Change model. It’s quite a fascinating approach to laying down the foundations of a screenplay.
1 The Emotional Gradient used is Forced Change.
2. Completed table as list / below, based on Forced Change:
EMOTION – Denial
ACTION – English people & pollies choose to ignore that Hitler broke all limitations against rearmament as per Versailles Treaty and has re-occupied the Rhineland unopposed
C – A new invasion is coming but the public ready
W – Reactive behaviour
EMOTION – Anger
ACTION – The public openly question why the Versailles Treaty has failed so spectacularly at containing Germany?
C: Something revolutionary is needed to strengthen England’s defences
W: Desperate & unprepared
EMOTION – Bargaining
ACTION – Fearing voter backlash, the English govt stops funding early development of the Spitfires but agrees to accept private funding from philanthropist, Lady Houston, for it to continue
C: Another war is coming with England totally unprepared
W: Lack of political will, conviction
EMOTION – Depression
ACTION – England learns that Reg’s surgery has failed, his cancer metastasized and his days are numbered.
C: How to continue Reg’s work after he dies
W: People are losing patience
EMOTION – Acceptance
ACTION – The air force brass see the Spitfire as the answer to Germany’s effective bombing campaign and orders 300 units
C: Can England deliver the Spitfires before it’s too late?
W: The Spitfires are England’s only hope
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Brendan’s analysis of Dead Poets Society
This lesson was a great way to better understand 3 of the 4 key character types of a profound screenplay and what they do that helps them fit that role. The gradient of change was harder to define so I focused on Neil who seemed to undergo a faster transformation than the others, although i didn’t study them as deeply. T’was tough to pick the most profound quotes with so much great poetry on display so I stuck to the story-related ones.
What is the change this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of this movie?
This movie is about the change that males experience on their journey to manhood when they discover the world is far wider and more exciting than they realised and begin to explore their own beliefs and question others’ expectations about their place in the world.
Lead characters:
Mr Keating is the Change Agent. He is the one with the Vision of a better world and a better way of preparing young people to thrive within it. He inspires them to question dogma and orthodoxy and become Free Thinkers. His vision comes from his own experience as a member of the progressive, underground Dead Poets Society, a collective of artists and philosophers dedicated to ‘sucking the marrow out of life’s bone’ a lifestyle which continuously nourishes his creativity and intellectual pursuits.
The Students are the Transformable Characters. They are the ones who have been shielded from reality and shoehorned into thinking there is only one way of succeeding in life. Upon meeting Mr Keating, they are immediately surprised at the very playful way he challenges them to open their minds to new ways of looking at the world, of learning about life and understanding the knowledge and discoveries of the great artists and intellectuals who have blazed trails before them. But not all of the boys accept the challenge and become Transformable Characters, which is evident at the film’s end when about half the class stand on their desks to honour Keating with a ‘Captain, my Captain’ salute, while the rest remain seated, siding with Betraying Character, Richard Cameron. A true reflection of humanity with its divide between progressive and conservative thinkers since time immemorial.
The Private School System is the Oppression, with its focus on meeting the expectations of its conservative parental clientele; namely using fear, threatening language and violence to instil in the boys the need to conform with the establishment. Only then can they continue their studies to become doctors, lawyers and other highly paid professionals, fulfilling their parents’ wishes. There is no room for independent spirit, freedom of expression and self determination. A young man can’t possibly be an artist, or an actor or a musician as well as a doctor or lawyer. It’s a very black and white world where something is either good or bad. The Old Ways are tested and proven, the New Ways are untested and therefore dangerous. And the cycle of conservatism continues.
How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story?
Mr Keating uses poetry to stimulate a new kind of learning about the mysteries and complexities of humanity, to build the confidence in young people to influence others and be the individuals that they genuinely want to become. It is a smart, seductive way to lure viewers into the story too..
Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.”
The key Transformable characters are Neil, Todd, Charlie, Knox and Gerard, the ones that decide to stand on the desk in the end to honour Keating, defying the principal’s authority.
Identify their old ways:
Self doubting and lacking confidence
Uncritically conforming to societal expectations
Unsure about their desired place in the world
Sceptical about Keating’s unusual methods
Too embarrassed to admit they are emotionally affected by Keating’s impassioned plea to become Free Thinkers.
Identify their new way at the conclusion:
More self-confidence and self-determination
Willingness to challenge conventional wisdom
Determined not to fear rejection but take it in their stride
A clear view of their own special place in the world and the courage to seek it out and claim it.
What is the gradient of the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing?
The gradient of change varies with each boy. For Neil, who’s first step in the transformation was discovering his love of poetry and later, theatre, something he discovered for himself, without any parental guidance. He decides to audition for a production without permission, thinking (very good) he can work out how to tell his parents if he gets the part. By the time he does, he’s developed more confidence gained from the Dead Poets Society meetings, and decides to forge his parents’ consent to accept the role. He even invites his father to attend, despite knowing his father’s disdain for the idea and the real risk of confrontation. His performance gets a standing ovation, confirming in Neil’s mind that Theatre is the life he wants. But despite his new found confidence and lashings of self belief, it’s not enough for Neil to overcome the Oppressive force of his father, who makes it absolutely clear that Neil’s life must be lived on his father’s terms, an ultimatum that pushes Neil over the edge.
How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?
For the first time in the students’ life, the accepted teachings of Pritchard on how to evaluate great poetry are forcefully challenged by Keating, which is unsettling for some boys.
But the challenge is more than an intellectual one, it becomes a symbolic one, when Keating demands the students tear not just the Pritchard theory from the book but the entire introduction to the text.
This scene is incredibly empowering, especially for these bright young students who have never experienced any individual, let alone a teacher, standing up to the academic establishment that employs him. There’s a kind of no going back feel about it.
What are the most profound moments of the movie?
When Todd stands on the desk to honour Keating with the ‘Captain, my Captain’ salute, defying the fuming Principal, who is standing in as the replacement teacher.
What are the most profound lines of the movie?
Carpa Diem, cease the day
Boys, you must strive to find your own voice
How does the ending pay off the setups of this movie?
The set-up of Keating, as the revolutionary and inspiring teacher, is paid off when his methods are so successful at creating Free Thinkers that the private school decides he sack him, thus paying the ultimate price for being true to his beliefs and standing up to the Oppressor.
The set-up of Todd, as the most repressed, vulnerable character in the beginning, is paid off in the end when Todd finds the courage to be the first to stand and the desk to salute Keating on his departure, in defiance the principal’s orders.
The set-up of Knox, determined to woe Chriss?, the girl of his dreams, is paid off when the pair agree to go to the theatre and finally get to hold hands. Bless.
What is the Profound Truth of this movie?
Freedom of thought and expression conquers fear and intimidation.
Be true to yourself.
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Brendan’s Characters in Reg’s Story
What I discovered was that identifying the best characters to fill the 4 roles was not all that obvious. I had to think about the story through-line and how each would work to the very end or whether it even had to. Indeed, it was hard to find anyone to play the Betraying Character, because the book I’m adapting does not appear to have one. Might have to invent one, perhaps inspired by a real character from war history. The capitulation of the Chamberlain government and all its short-sighted advisors are surely a rich source of contenders in my research. I also learnt that any kind of tradition, established practice or institution can be The Oppressor, the key one here being rising European fascism.
Transformational journey logline: In the Great Depression, a gifted young engineer diagnosed with bowel cancer devotes his life to designing superior fighter planes to defend his beloved family, and England itself, from rising fascism.
The Change Agent and how that character fits the role: Gifted aero-designer, Sir Reg Mitchell, appears to be the Change Agent in this story due to his clear vision and inspiring leadership of a 20-strong design team for the decade or so of his short career.
His knowledge of history and genuine interest in the politics of the times informed his ethos and vision: An unwavering conviction that England needs to achieve aerial supremacy to defend itself against rising European facism and a Nazi invasion. His artistic vision for creating the early models of the Spitfire came from observing birds in flight. He was inspired by learning that the Zanania Macrocarper seed could travel further than any other species due to its aero-dynamic balance and ability to glide further through wind and gravity.
On leadership, Reg had a rare ability to appoint and nurture a loyal, high-functioning design team which, several years after Reg’s death, successfully delivered 300 Spitfires for deployment in the Battle of Britain, crucial to defeating the Nazi invasion.
The Transformable Character(s) and how those characters fit the role: The general public and their elected MPs are the transformable characters, a bit like India is in GHANDI. When Hitler reoccupies the Rhineland, another war is clearly coming but the British public are still in no mood to pay for rearmament after the trauma of world war One. Members of Reg’s design team will also undergo a transformational journey as they work night and day in the ultimate race for survival.
The Oppressor is rising fascism across Europe; including ruling dictators in Italy and Germany, countries which also had early military supremacy, putting rising pressure on England to lift its aero-military investment at the worst possible time; the post-war austerity measures and, of course, the Great Depression. The idea of rearmament also challenged the disarmament principles of the League of Nations.
The Betraying Character and how that character fits the role. This could be the one of the many advisors to the Prime Minister, Neville Chamberlain, or even the PM himself. Or one of the engineers who maybe tries to sell secrets to the Germans? I wonder also if the Republic of Ireland could be mis-presented as a Betraying Character by declaring itself Neutral, a decision which in reality helped England by avoiding a German attack via Ireland, with its excellent vantage point. All to be played with, mulled over and scrutinised.
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Brendan’s Transformational Journey for action war film REG’S STORY.
In this assignment, my biggest challenge was clearly defining the old ways and the new ways and which characters these ways relate to. Lead character Reg Mitchell and his design team are made up of characters who are already thinking and acting in new ways from very early in the film. However, they face resistance from the general public and their MPs who are still trapped in old ways of thinking and behaving. So I feel that Reg and his design team are the Agents of Change who must persuade MP’s and the wider English public – as Transformable Characters – to see the perils of their old way of thinking and the urgent need to adapt to the new reality of the inter-war years.
Log-line for transformational journey
In the Great Depression, a young English engineer diagnosed with aggressive bowel cancer devotes his life to designing superior fighter planes in the hope of defending his beloved family and country against rising European fascism.
The Old Ways
The aviation industry can only build planes from wood and canvas, limiting their speed and power in military conflict.
Traumatised by the First World War, the public are in no mood for rearmament against rising European fascism, despite to growing risk of a second world war.
In the austerity of the Great Depression, Politicians refuse to allocate much-needed funding to advancing English defences for fear of voter backlash.
Reg Mitchell, who struggles to accept that he may soon die of bowel cancer, undergoes radical surgery in a bid to prolong his short life, complete his mission and realise his vision.
The New Ways
The English parliament – now awake to the perils of rising European fascism – fully supports investment in aviation supremacy in the hope of defending England against a Nazi invasion.
The military aviation industry has advanced from the wooden struts and canvas of early seaplanes to more powerful, streamlined, metallic land-based aircraft that are faster and deadlier than enemy aircraft.
Reg Mitchell now accepts his fate with grace and dignity, devoting his remaining days to be with his family while also supporting the design and construction team that will continue his noble mission after he dies.
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Brendan’s First Three Decisions :
What impressed me about this lesson was the brutal simplicity of getting to the core of why I want to write this screenplay and ultimately make the movie. It puts the audience right there in those very early conceptual decisions. Being a book adaptation, perhaps makes it easier than an original concept. Who knows?
What is your profound truth?
Love and compassion are more powerful forces than hatred and aggression
What is the change your movie will cause with an audience?
It empowers us to fight for our freedom and be eternally vigilant against fascism.
What is your Entertainment Vehicle that you will tell this story through?
Embellished True Story
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Lesson 1: Brendan’s analysis of GROUNDHOG DAY
What I learnt from this lesson was that a simple structural device – in this case, manipulating time as experienced by the lead character – can create a powerful framework or window through which humanity, in all its faults and failures, can be explored and understood at a deep level.
What is the CHANGE this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of this movie?
Profound character change ie Going from being an immature ‘kid-ult’ to a wise, accomplished member of a rural community.
Lead characters:
Who is the Change Agent and what makes this the right character to cause the change? Rita, who is Phil’s producer, daily challenges his beliefs, attitudes and assumptions, giving him a pathway to gaining self awareness and personal growth
Who is the Transformable Character and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey? Phil is perfect for this role given his emotional immaturity, abject sense of entitlement and lack of self-awareness, providing such a low base from which a profound character transformation is readily possible
What is the Oppression? The time manipulation device, which forces Phil to relive the same day over and over until he gets it right; ie becomes a better person
How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story? Witty writing and comedic performances are used in the first act to lure us in, then the simple device of manipulating time as experienced by the lead character provides insights into human behaviour which audiences will find fascinating.
Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey?
Old way : Phil is cynical, cruel, self-entitled, boorish, unlikeable and lonely
New way: Phil is humble, kind, generous, self-aware, peaceful, open to personal growth, attractive and loved by the local community
Old way : Rita made assumptions about Phil early in the movie
New way: Rita is forced to rethink those assumptions once Phil begins to grow as a human being later in the movie
What is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing?
Phil’s transformation is a daily process of forced self-reflection and the opportunity to learn by experience, that is repeated until he achieves personal growth. In the process he explores all the opportunities open to him in this unreal scenario including seducing a woman he doesn’t know, seducing Rita who he loves and even committing suicide via several means when he gives up trying to break out of the time device.
How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?
The process of daily self reflection forces Phil to question his infallible belief in his own importance, providing insight and perspective on his significance or otherwise in the wider world.
What are the most profound moments of the movie?
Phil’s accomplishment as a pianist, entertainer and self-assured ‘life of the party’
The rich detail in Phil’s ice carving of Rita’s fac
What are the most profound lines of the movie?
I got you babe (song line)
“Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today.”
“What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same and nothing that you did mattered?” Ralph: “That about sums it up for me.”
How does the ending payoff the setups of this movie?
The ending delivers a great payoff by forcing Phil to keep improving until he arrives at the point of peace and acceptance of himself and his loving community
What is the Profound Truth of this movie?
Self reflection and openness to learning are key to human growth
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I, BRENDAN GUERIN
“agree to the terms of this release form.”
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi Everyone. I’m a producer in Melbourne Australia with many short drama and documentary credits seeking to become a better Producer/Writer of longer form content. I’m part of a team adapting an historic war action book into a feature film.
Weird fact: was a primary producer before a film producer. Have always loved writing and wanted to write a Profound screenplay.
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I learnt that i have more drama than thriller elements as italicised below in the first half, then thrills in every scene to the climax. Adding slug lines made it easier to reshuffle scenes and improve structure and flow. Can focus now tying up story threads in more satisfying, plausible and thrilling ways.
KANGAROO ISLAND feature film thriller map
EXT – ISLAND AIRPORT – DAY
Adventurous US traveller, Skyler Munro (late 20s), touches down on wild Kangaroo Island on a warm sunny morning. She meets her new boss, handsome country larrikin, Wayne Cartwright (late 30s), Skyler hoists her luggage onto ute tray where she’s greeted by two excitable sheepdogs.
INT – VEHICLE – DAY
Driving to the sheep station, Wayne is charming; Skyler learns about remote island life, Wayne’s deep family history – and how he was once happily married but doesn’t elaborate! Wayne learns about Skyler’s rather more exciting former life in the Big Apple.
At a hectic 120km/hr, they arrive hours later in conservative wool growing country on the grassy plains of the island’s west.
EXT – SHEEP STATION HOMESTEAD – DAY
Skyler meets the other workers Lucy, Bella and Dan. Wayne proudly leads workers on a tour of the historic colonial homestead and wool shed.
Wayne briefs workers on the shearing season ahead, explains the roles of cook, yarding hands, roustabouts, wool classer and bale presser. He promises employment contracts to anyone who wants to join the team.
Late afternoon, Skyler discovers her Vodafone plan has no mobile service, no wifi, no communication with the outside world. She briefly ponders life without social media for the first time ever. Will she survive the long weeks of shearing without it?
Wayne tells the workers they will need a Telstra card or satellite phone plan to work on this part of the island. Skyler asks Wayne where she can buy one. Wayne promises to take her to town once the mustering is done.
Wayne shows everyone to their sleeping quarters; small cabins and bunkhouses dotted around the station homestead. Except Skyler’s room, which is in the main homestead.
INT – VEHICLE – DAY
Daybreak: Jovial Wayne drives Skyler and Dan at breakneck speed to the station next door to lend the neighbours a hand with some livestock husbandry.
EXT – SHEEP YARDS – DAY
Wayne, Skyler and Dan meet farmer Bill (50s), his wife Gwen (50s) and two teenage daughters. They help with lamb vaccinating, marking and tail docking – a bloody job, but one Skyler accepts as the price of enjoying meat – and a necessity for the health of breeding ewes and their lambs. She enjoys the taste of the rural Australian life she came for, discovers the neighbouring farmers are lovely people, all singing Wayne’s praises. After a long day, exhausting Bill is thankful; he invites Wayne, Skyler and Dan back for his 50th birthday party in a couple of weeks time.
EXT – VEHICLE – DAY
It’s hot driving home, Wayne slows down, pulls up outside the local pub, the only building on a long, lonely road in the middle of nowhere. Wayne invites Skyler and Dan in for a cold beer. Still wearing blood stained overalls, Skyler cautiously agrees. Dan stays outside, lights up a smoke.
INT – PUB – DAY
Skyler follows Wayne into the pub, meets Wayne’s close mate publican Tom, who runs the only business in town, with the help of two bar staff, Kati and Romy, female backpackers from Germany.
Inside, a group of Wayne’s mates shout and jeer, joking about his new girlfriend. After his smoke, Dan enters and works out what Wayne is up to. Dan responds with a put-down of Wayne for setting up Skyler for embarrassment. This infuriates Wayne.
Skyler meets Beryl, wife of a bossy school teacher, who tries to warn Skyler about something that once happened on the station but is reluctant to speak with Tom staring at her. Wayne downs the last of his beer, calls time to go.
INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Skyler lies alone in her bedroom exhausted after the long day’s work, almost asleep. She hears a shuffle of footsteps that stop at her door, hears a soft voice ‘Can you hear me?’ Silence. She freezes. Minutes later, she hears soft, slow whispering through the thin wall to the adjacent room. Can…… You…… Hear ……Me? Again, she ignores him.
INT – FARM OFFICE – DAY
Wayne spends several days working the phone, finally locking in four shearers who can start next week – Vinnie, Beau, Max and Kenny – for the one month job. Wayne tells the contractor he’s dealing with that he doesn’t need a woolclasser or shed hands, he’s got that covered.
EXT – HOMESTEAD VERANDAH – DAY
Wayne offers the roles of roustabout and yard hands to workers who are willing and able, telling them they need to sign those contracts today if they want to join the team.
Skyler and workers discuss how Wayne can be weird and temperamental but all agree the offer sounds decent. Besides – as Skyler tells everyone she meets – she’s on her dream working holiday of a lifetime and no one is going to stop her. She signs up.
EXT – PADDOCK OF HUNGRY SHEEP – DAY
Wayne has begun hand feeding to get the pregnant ewes through a cold winter. Wayne is throwing bales of hay to sheep from the back of the ute, driven slowly by Skyler. Wayne suddenly goes ballistic, yells at Skyler to stop. He jumps down and cradles his prize sheepdog, Max, as if seriously injured. Wayne suddenly turns and laughs at the look of shock and horror on Skyler, who thought she’d driven over Max. Skyler is relieved but shaken.
EXT / INT – OUTSIDE SHEARING SHED – DAY
The Shearers union rep, Bob, arrives on the station unannounced for a safety audit of the shearing shed. Wayne and Bob argue about workplace safety rules and regulations. When Wayne protests about the costly upgrades – coming at the worst possible time – Bob warns he may boycott the station if he’s now careful, potentially delaying the start of shearing.
Wayne fumes, eventually ordering Bob off the property in temper. But Bob refuses to be bullied and stays to finish the audit. Wayne tells Bob he is mustering sheep today so make sure you shut the front gate when you leave. When done, Bob packs up and departs.
EXT – FRONT GATE – DAY
Bob stops at the end of the long driveway to open the gate. WIth precision timing, Wayne rolls a rock down from road-side escarpment, crushing car and Bob instantly. Wayne tows the car, with Bob slumped at the wheel, to a cliff, rolls it over into pounding swell. He stands, staring proudly at his handy work below. Pulls out a mobile and rings the union office to ask why Bob hasn’t arrived yet to audit his shed.
INT – BUSTLING SHEARING SHED – DAY
Shearing has finally begun. All going smoothly, until rain arrives on the third day, and stays for days. When the shearers run out of dry sheep, shearing is suddenly halted, with no end in sight. The workers are disappointed – there’s no wet day pay – and Wayne is on edge.
EXT – WAYNE’S BOATSHED – DAY
In a bid to break the boredom, Wayne offers to take Dan and Skyler on a deep sea fishing trip. Dan declines, Skyler agrees. She loves fishing, especially deep sea fishing. They load up and drive to the boat ramp to launch.
EXT – FISHING BOAT – DAY
Wayne gives the outboard motor full throttle, hits some big swell and almost tips the boat over. Skyler’s adrenaline is pumping.
They bait up and fish in silence. Wayne gets seasick, starts heaving overboard. He looks over at Skyler who is totally fine. Wayne is bewildered.
As the sea gets rougher, Skyler reels in. But Wayne refuses, pissed off that she’s catching more than him, until he hooks a tuna that’s bigger than he can handle.
Suddenly, Wayne slips, falls off the boat. Skyler stares in disbelief, sees Wayne struggling to grip a rung in the big swell …. decides she better save him. They return home in silence.
INT – FARM HOUSE – NIGHT
Wayne receives a threatening phone call from one of his many creditors; it’s last year’s shearing contractor, Frank Wilson, who’s still waiting on his final payment. Wayne assures Frank outstanding money will be paid soon, with overdraft extension due any day.
EXT/INT – SHEARING SHED – DAY
A couple of burly guys looking like bankers in dark suits arrive at the station. They corner Wayne in the shearing shed, start roughing him up – just so he gets Frank’s message. Working nearby, Skyler is curious, suspects something sinister is happening, peaks through a hole in the shearing shed wall. She feels some pity for Wayne.
INT – FARM DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Lucy and Bella haven’t shown up for dinner. Skyler confronts Wayne, asks where they are. Wayne shrugs.
EXT – SHEARING SHED – DAY
Two weeks into the shearing, and it’s payday. Wayne pays everyone in cash. Lead shearer Vinnie is not happy, he confronts Wayne, accusing him of underpaying the shearers. They argue about the award minimum. Vinnie says he’s too old for this bullshit, walks out in disgust, leaving Wayne with the three younger shearers to finish the job.
INT – SHEARING SHED – DAY
Early morning: The shearers are sullen and dispirited, uneasy about their decision to keep shearing, instead of walking out with Vinne. When one shearer calls ‘Lousy Sheep’, they all down tools to confide. They refuse to finish shearing Wayne’s lousy sheep. Wayne argues with the shearers before finally promising to pay the full rate, once the bank overdraft comes through. Too late. All three shearers walk out anyway.
Furious Wayne declares he’ll shear the last few hundred sheep himself. But he needs Skyler and Dan to stay to pick up fleeces, sweep the floor, class the wool, press the bales and keep the sheep moving through the shed. Wayne offers a pay rise. Dan and Skyler accept.
EXT/INT – BILL’S BACKYARD BBQ AND FIRE PIT – NIGHT
It’s Saturday night: Wayne, Skyler and Dan arrive for Bill’s 50th birthday party. A big night of celebration, eating barbecue fish, drinking beer and whisky chasers, and arguing with Wayne about the latest AFL rule changes.
Come time to leave, Wayne insists he’s OK to drive home, tells Skyler and Dan to get in the ute, time to go.
Happy-go-lucky Dan, who’s drunk enough to cloud his judgment, accepts the ride but Skyler refuses – she knows Wayne drives even faster when he’s drunk too many.
Skyler offers to drive – instead of Wayne – given she’s only had a couple of drinks all night. Wayne is indignant. How dare she question his driving ability and experience. He refuses.
Skyler shrugs cooly, walks away to avoid his outburst. She takes the long walk overland by moonlight back to the homestead – map and compass in back pocket, just in case.
EXT/INT – WAYNE’S UTE – NIGHT
Tipsy Dan is slurring his words, laughing at his own jokes in the passenger seat. Wayne suddenly turns into an open paddock and floors the accelerator, sending the ute into noisy, high speed, circles of dust and wheelslip. Dan looks confused, terrified, ill. Wayne roars with laughter. When Dan falls silent, Wayne pulls out of the circle work and heads for home.
INT – FARMHOUSE VERANDAH – NIGHT
End of the third week of shearing. Wearing her most comfortable bathers, Skyler relaxes in a homemade Hot Tub on the verandah after a hard day’s work in the shearing shed. Wayne wanders up in his budgies, presumes to join her?
As soon as Wayne steps in, Skyler bales. Wayne watches resentfully as she leaves.
Later, Skyler retires to bed earlier than usual. Wayne questions why Skyler won’t watch TV with him. She politely declines and leaves.
EXT – STATION – NIGHT
Traumatised Dan wakes in the night, decides to leave immediately. He packs his belongings and walks to the road, hoping to hitchhike the two hour trip to Kingscote, the nearest police station.
Before leaving, he writes a note for Skyler but Wayne finds it before her. She never sees it and Wayne keeps her guessing.
INT – FARM KITCHEN – DAY
When Skyler rises, Dan is nowhere to be seen. His backpack is gone too. Skyler is confused. She confronts Wayne, who is evasive.
Wayne says she’s the only one he can really trust.
Asks if she’s gonna let him down too?
EXT/INT – PUB – NIGHT
Skyler agrees to another pub trip – after Wayne promises to let her drive home – hoping to quiz Beryl again.
On arrival, Skyler offers to shout, heads straight to the bar. As Kati takes her order, she leans in close to say she knows that Skyler is working for Wayne and we need to talk – in private.
They agree to meet in The Ladies in ten minutes where Kati tells how she and Romy fled Wayne’s employ months earlier, after being coerced to undress and wash cars for Wayne and his mates. How the police found out and drove straight to the station, catching them red handed. How the police helped the girls leave the station, but they let the guys off without so much as a warning.
Shaken Skyler returns to the bar where she meets with Beryl again, who finally tells Skyler “Oh, you’ll be alright dear, but whatever you do … just don’t upset him”. Skyler is more concerned than ever.
Wayne watches intently as Skyler and Beryl talk. Wayne suddenly demands Skyler leave with him now. Skyler stays calm, convinces herself she must go back with Wayne for her passport and luggage, she calmly gets in his car.
INT – UTE – NIGHT
Wayne drives in silence, gradually getting faster, more reckless.
Skyler refuses to be thrown by his driving. She demands Wayne tell her what he and his mates made the German girls do. Wayne is defensive – accuses the German girls of lying. He swings the steering wheel to avoid hitting a kangaroo. Skyler fears a car crash.
He suddenly hits a kangaroo. The jolt causes the glove box to fly open, an official-looking badge falls onto Skyler’s lap. She recognises it as belonging to Union rep Bob who Wayne ordered off the property. She grabs it, hides in her pocket, Wayne doesn’t see, keeps driving. Dread courses through Skyler.
INT – FARMHOUSE – NIGHT
Back home, Wayne has cooled down, he turns on the charm, tries to reassure Skyler she’s safe alone with him, offers to cook her a nice dinner. Skyler tells him she has a searing migraine and can’t eat. He can get her an ice pack though.
INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Skyler goes to her room and secures her door from inside with a makeshift lock. Wayne hears the unexpected sound of her door locking. Wayne chuckles to himself. Skyler quietly packs her passport, wallet and basic survival pack. Lies in bed, racks her brains for possible ways to escape.
She wakes around 4am to the sound of her door lock rattling from the outside. Skyler freezes, then silence. She calls out: “What are you doing?” Wayne doesn’t answer, but continues walking down the corridor to use the toilet.
EXT – SHEEP STATION – DAY
Next morning, Skyler leaves the house before dawn, she walks the property boundary, onto a dirt road, looking for any sign of civilisation. She decides to walk back towards Bill’s place next door, and simply ask for the truth about Wayne, once and for all. Am I safe with him or not?
A few utes drive past, all men at the wheel, most look groggy, some with dogs chained up in the back. Eventually a family station wagon pulls up and a friendly guy gets out, waves Skyler over.
It’s Bill. Skyler walks up to him and shares her concerns about Wayne, asks him to take her to town. Bill says of course, get in, what’s the problem? Skyler tells him the two girls left a week ago without warning and by yesterday morning, Dan was gone too..
INT – VEHICLE – DAY
As Skyler talks, Bill turns into Wayne’s driveway and takes Skyler back to the homestead. “Let me talk to him sweetie, I’m sure we can sort this out for all concerned.”
EXT – STATION – DAY
Bill delivers Skyler back to Wayne. Tells him poor Skyler got lost while out walking. She was lucky he came along. Wayne welcomes Skyler back like an old friend, turning on the charm again. Tells Skyler she’s the best worker he’s ever had, 10 times better than Dan and the others.
EXT/INT – STATION VERANDAH – NIGHT.
Around 2am, Skyler wakes from a deep sleep to the sound of vehicles honking, spotlights flashing. Wayne’s gang of younger mates gather on the verandah outside Skyler’s window, drinking and heckling her to come out and entertain them. Full of sexual innuendo. Skyler fears the worst. Wayne sits apart, wallowing in his power over Skyler, over his mates, only calling them off when Skyler passes out. She wakes at 5am to silence. Checks her clothing. All intact. She quietly gets up, peeks out the door
EXT – STATION / CLIFFTOPS – DAY
Skyler tip toes out of the house, leaving Wayne passed out on the couch. She walks towards the coastline, climbs up the highest point on the cliffs bordering the station, hoping for phone service, nothing. Skyler continues walking, now looking for signs of Dan or his belongings.
After hours of searching, she discovers him lying injured in a deep rocky crevice on a wild stretch of coastl.
Skyler calls out to him but Dan’s delirious, not making sense. Skyler pomises to return with water, food and rope to get him out. She races back to the homestead.
INT – STATION HOMESTEAD – DAY
Sullen Wayne is sitting up in front of the television watching replays of AFL grand finals he once starred in. Skyler tries to talk to Wayne – asks what last night was all about? Did you enjoy terrorising and humiliating me? What was the point of it? He ignores her. She heads outside to walk the dogs.
EXT – STATION YARD – DAY
Grumpy Wayne emerges from the house, drives to town for more supplies to finish shearing. Decides he better buy Skyler that Telstra sim card so she doesn’t shoot through on him too.
Watching Wayne from a distance, Skyler returns to the house after he leaves, starts pacing around the house, deep in thought.
INT – HOMESTEAD – DAY
She breaks into Wayne’s farm office through a window, discovers piles of unpaid bills. She sees photo of Wayne with his wife tossed in the corner. She searches furiously for his wifi password. Finally discovers it written faintly under modem. She hears Wayne’s car slowing down on the main road as it approaches the station driveway. She knows she’s got about one minute.
Skyler connects, her phone goes ballistic with incoming messages. She tears up with relief. She returns a text message from her friend Charlotte in Sydney. Shyler begs her to call the KI police ASAP. She scrambles back out through the office window, slams it shut.
Wayne returns to the house, sullen and brooding. Skyler stays calm, puts on her cheerful demeanor and offers to cook Wayne’s favourite meal. Minestrone soup. He grunts.
Wayne sees her phone sticking out of her pocket and asks why she’s carrying it around? “I’ve just been taking pics of the dogs. Here wanna see?” Wayne fobs her off. “Why would I wanna look at those stupid mutts?”.
They eat dinner in silence. Skyler goes outside to feed the dogs.
Wayne gets a call from local cop Bluey who says Sydney Police boss rang asking about a worker, apparently being held there against her will. Speaking softly, Wayne assures the cop there must be some misunderstanding. Wayne agrees to bring Skyler into the local police station tomorrow.
EXT – HOMESTEAD & SURROUNDS – NIGHT
Furious Wayne goes outside and confronts Skyler, “Yeah i will take a look at those doggie pics.” Skyler takes off outside.
Skyler and Wayne are locked in a tense cat and mouse chase through the nearby Reserve. Wayne wants to see her phone, knows she’s cracked his wifi and he’s furious..
INT – SHEARING SHED – NIGHT
Exhausted and paranoid, Wayne thinks he finally has Skyler cornered in the woolshed, demands she come out of hiding, he’s not gonna hurt her, he just wants her to promise she’ll stay and help him finish the shearing.
When she refuses, he threatens to shoot Max and Woofy. As he raises his rifle, Skyler relents, drops her mobile.
As Wayne bends down to pick it up, Skyler rolls a wool bale down onto him, from atop the wool stack, knocking the wind out of him. Injured Wayne drops the rifle, struggles to push the wool bale off. Skyler runs for the road, both dogs in tow, hoping to intercept police any minute.
Wayne’s neighbour Bill shows up at the shed, sensing Wayne may be losing control and becoming dangerous. Bill struggles to free Wayne while also trying to calm him down.Wayne breaks free, goes ballistic. Attacks Bill. They wrestle, Bill struggles to subdue Wayne.
EXT – STATION DRIVEWAY – NIGHT
Skyler sees car lights turn into the driveway. She waves her arms to grab attention.
New local police woman Margo approaches the station at a slow pace. Skyler jumps into the police car while it’s still moving. Skyler explains how Dan’s in trouble, he fell in a crevice and broke his leg trying to escape the property a few nights ago. We’ve got to get him out now!
EXT – COASTAL CLIFFS – DAY
In dawn light, Skyler leads Margo to the crevice where Dan lies injured, barely breathing. They hoist him out with ropes and give first aid. He survives.
They drive to the homestead to find neighbour Bill has Wayne in a headlock. Margo takes control, approaches the men with her handgun aimed and cocked.
Wayne is arrested, handcuffed, and taken into the station for questioning.
INT – POLICE STATION – DAY
Police declare they cannot charge Wayne with any crime. They accept he terrorised and instilled fear in his workers but he didn’t physically assault anyone. And there’s insufficient evidence to charge him with deprivation of liberty based on the employment contract terms.
Skyler retrieves the Union rep badge from her bag, hands it to the police, explaining where it came from.
The police take her statement and open an investigation. Wayne’s property is searched but no body or other evidence is found. Wayne still hasn’t been charged. And still employing unsuspecting young workers.
Skyler moves to Sydney, becomes an Aussie, settles here. She sets up a dedicated service to support migrant workers, backpackers and international travellers working in remote locations of the world.
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In this lesson, I learnt that i have some thriller elements in the first half, then thrills in every scene from the mid point to the climax. Adding slug lines made it easier to reshuffle scenes and improve structure and flow. Still have some story threads to tie up in a more satisfying way, as always. It’s slowly coming together. Thriller elements italicised below.
KANGAROO ISLAND feature film thriller map
EXT – ISLAND AIRPORT – DAY
Adventurous US traveller, Skyler Munro (late 20s), touches down on wild Kangaroo Island on a warm sunny morning. She meets her new boss, handsome country larrikin, Wayne Cartwright (late 30s), Skyler hoists her luggage onto ute tray where she’s greeted by two excitable sheepdogs.
INT – VEHICLE – DAY
Driving to the station, Wayne is charming; Skyler learns about remote island life, Wayne’s deep family history – and how he was once happily married but doesn’t elaborate! Wayne learns about Skyler’s rather more exciting former life in the Big Apple.
At a hectic 120km/hr, they arrive hours later in conservative wool growing country on the grassy plains of the island’s west.
EXT – SHEEP STATION HOMESTEAD – DAY
Skyler meets the other workers Lucy, Bella and Dan. Wayne proudly leads workers on a tour of the historic colonial homestead and wool shed.
Wayne briefs workers on the shearing season ahead, explains the roles of cook, yarding hands, roustabouts, wool classer and bale presser. He promises employment contracts to anyone who wants to join the team.
Late afternoon, Skyler discovers her Vodafone plan has no mobile service, no wifi, no communication with the outside world. She briefly ponders life without social media for the first time ever. Will she survive the long weeks of shearing without it?
Wayne tells the workers they will need a Telstra card or satellite phone plan to work on this part of the island. Skyler asks Wayne where she can buy one. Wayne promises to take her to town once the mustering is done.
Wayne shows everyone to their sleeping quarters; small cabins and bunkhouses dotted around the station homestead. Except Skyler’s room, which is in the main homestead.
INT – VEHICLE – DAY
Daybreak: Jovial Wayne drives Skyler and Dan at breakneck speed to the station next door to lend the neighbours a hand with some livestock husbandry.
EXT – SHEEP YARDS – DAY
Wayne, Skyler and Dan meet farmer Bill (50s), his wife Gwen (50s) and two teenage daughters. They help with lamb vaccinating, marking and tail docking – a bloody job, but one Skyler accepts as the price of enjoying meat – and a necessity for the health of breeding ewes and their lambs. She enjoys the taste of the rural Australian life she came for, discovers the neighbouring farmers are lovely people, all singing Wayne’s praises. After a long day, exhausting Bill is thankful; he invites Wayne, Skyler and Dan back for his 50th birthday party in a couple of weeks time.
EXT – VEHICLE – DAY
It’s hot driving home, Wayne slows down, pulls up outside the local pub, the only building on a long, lonely road in the middle of nowhere. Wayne invites Skyler and Dan in for a cold beer. Still wearing blood stained overalls, Skyler cautiously agrees. Dan stays outside, lights up a smoke.
INT – PUB – DAY
Skyler follows Wayne into the pub, meets Wayne’s close mate publican Tom, who runs the only business in town, with the help of two bar staff, Kati and Romy, female backpackers from Germany.
Inside, a group of Wayne’s mates shout and jeer, joking about his new girlfriend. After his smoke, Dan enters and works out what Wayne is up to. Dan responds with a put-down of Wayne for setting up Skyler for embarrassment. This infuriates Wayne.
Skyler meets Beryl, wife of a bossy school teacher, who tries to warn Skyler about something that once happened on the station but is reluctant to speak with Tom staring at her. Wayne downs the last of his beer, calls time to go.
INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Skyler lies alone in her bedroom exhausted after the long day’s work, almost asleep. She hears a shuffle of footsteps that stop at her door, hears a soft voice ‘Can you hear me?’ Silence. She freezes. Minutes later, she hears soft, slow whispering through the thin wall to the adjacent room. Can…… You…… Hear ……Me? Again, she ignores him.
INT – FARM OFFICE – DAY
Wayne spends several days working the phone, finally locking in four shearers who can start next week – Vinnie, Beau, Max and Kenny – for the one month job. Wayne tells the contractor he’s dealing with that he doesn’t need a woolclasser or shed hands, he’s got that covered.
EXT – HOMESTEAD VERANDAH – DAY
Wayne offers the roles of roustabout and yard hands to workers who are willing and able, telling them they need to sign those contracts today if they want to join the team.
Skyler and workers discuss how Wayne can be weird and temperamental but all agree the offer sounds decent. Besides – as Skyler tells everyone she meets – she’s on her dream working holiday of a lifetime and no one is going to stop her. She signs up.
EXT – PADDOCK OF HUNGRY SHEEP – DAY
Wayne has begun hand feeding to get the pregnant ewes through a cold winter. Wayne is throwing bales of hay to sheep from the back of the ute, driven slowly by Skyler. Wayne suddenly goes ballistic, yells at Skyler to stop. He jumps down and cradles his prize sheepdog, Max, as if seriously injured. Wayne suddenly turns and laughs at the look of shock and horror on Skyler, who thought she’d driven over Max. Skyler is relieved but shaken.
EXT / INT – OUTSIDE SHEARING SHED – DAY
The Shearers union rep, Bob, arrives on the station unannounced for a safety audit of the shearing shed. Wayne and Bob argue about workplace safety rules and regulations. When Wayne protests about the costly upgrades – coming at the worst possible time – Bob warns he may boycott the station if he’s now careful, potentially delaying the start of shearing.
Wayne fumes, eventually ordering Bob off the property in temper. But Bob refuses to be bullied and stays to finish the audit. Wayne tells Bob he is mustering sheep today so make sure you shut the front gate when you leave. When done, Bob packs up and departs.
EXT – FRONT GATE – DAY
Bob stops at the end of the long driveway to open the gate. WIth precision timing, Wayne rolls a rock down from road-side escarpment, crushing car and Bob instantly. Wayne tows the car, with Bob slumped at the wheel, to a cliff, rolls it over into pounding swell. He stands, staring proudly at his handy work below. Pulls out a mobile and rings the union office to ask why Bob hasn’t arrived yet to audit his shed.
INT – BUSTLING SHEARING SHED – DAY
Shearing has finally begun. All going smoothly, until rain arrives on the third day, and stays for days. When the shearers run out of dry sheep, shearing is suddenly halted, with no end in sight. The workers are disappointed – there’s no wet day pay – and Wayne is on edge.
EXT – WAYNE’S BOATSHED – DAY
In a bid to break the boredom, Wayne offers to take Dan and Skyler on a deep sea fishing trip. Dan declines, Skyler agrees. She loves fishing, especially deep sea fishing. They load up and drive to the boat ramp to launch.
EXT – FISHING BOAT – DAY
Wayne gives the outboard motor full throttle, hits some big swell and almost tips the boat over. Skyler’s adrenaline is pumping.
They bait up and fish in silence. Wayne gets seasick, starts heaving overboard. He looks over at Skyler who is totally fine. Wayne is bewildered.
As the sea gets rougher, Skyler reels in. But Wayne refuses, pissed off that she’s catching more than him, until he hooks a tuna that’s bigger than he can handle.
Suddenly, Wayne slips, falls off the boat. Skyler stares in disbelief, sees Wayne struggling to grip a rung in the big swell …. decides she better save him. They return home in silence.
INT – FARM HOUSE – NIGHT
Wayne receives a threatening phone call from one of his many creditors; it’s last year’s shearing contractor, Frank Wilson, who’s still waiting on his final payment. Wayne assures Frank outstanding money will be paid soon, with overdraft extension due any day.
EXT/INT – SHEARING SHED – DAY
A couple of burly guys looking like bankers in dark suits arrive at the station. They corner Wayne in the shearing shed, start roughing him up – just so he gets Frank’s message. Working nearby, Skyler is curious, suspects something sinister is happening, peaks through a hole in the shearing shed wall. She feels some pity for Wayne.
INT – FARM DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Lucy and Bella haven’t shown up for dinner. Skyler confronts Wayne, asks where they are. Wayne shrugs.
EXT – SHEARING SHED – DAY
Two weeks into the shearing, and it’s payday. Wayne pays everyone in cash. Lead shearer Vinnie is not happy, he confronts Wayne, accusing him of underpaying the shearers. They argue about the award minimum. Vinnie says he’s too old for this bullshit, walks out in disgust, leaving Wayne with the three younger shearers to finish the job.
INT – SHEARING SHED – DAY
Early morning: The shearers are sullen and dispirited, uneasy about their decision to keep shearing, instead of walking out with Vinne. When one shearer calls ‘Lousy Sheep’, they all down tools to confide. They refuse to finish shearing Wayne’s lousy sheep. Wayne argues with the shearers before finally promising to pay the full rate, once the bank overdraft comes through. Too late. All three shearers walk out anyway.
Furious Wayne declares he’ll shear the last few hundred sheep himself. But he needs Skyler and Dan to stay to pick up fleeces, sweep the floor, class the wool, press the bales and keep the sheep moving through the shed. Wayne offers a pay rise. Dan and Skyler accept.
EXT/INT – BILL’S BACKYARD BBQ AND FIRE PIT – NIGHT
It’s Saturday night: Wayne, Skyler and Dan arrive for Bill’s 50th birthday party. A big night of celebration, eating barbecue fish, drinking beer and whisky chasers, and arguing with Wayne about the latest AFL rule changes.
Come time to leave, Wayne insists he’s OK to drive home, tells Skyler and Dan to get in the ute, time to go.
Happy-go-lucky Dan, who’s drunk enough to cloud his judgment, accepts the ride but Skyler refuses – she knows Wayne drives even faster when he’s drunk too many.
Skyler offers to drive – instead of Wayne – given she’s only had a couple of drinks all night. Wayne is indignant. How dare she question his driving ability and experience. He refuses.
Skyler shrugs cooly, walks away to avoid his outburst. She takes the long walk overland by moonlight back to the homestead – map and compass in back pocket, just in case.
EXT/INT – WAYNE’S UTE – NIGHT
Tipsy Dan is slurring his words, laughing at his own jokes in the passenger seat. Wayne suddenly turns into an open paddock and floors the accelerator, sending the ute into noisy, high speed, circles of dust and wheelslip. Dan looks confused, terrified, ill. Wayne roars with laughter. When Dan falls silent, Wayne pulls out of the circle work and heads for home.
INT – FARMHOUSE VERANDAH – NIGHT
End of the third week of shearing. Wearing her most comfortable bathers, Skyler relaxes in a homemade Hot Tub on the verandah after a hard day’s work in the shearing shed. Wayne wanders up in his budgies, presumes to join her?
As soon as Wayne steps in, Skyler bales. Wayne watches resentfully as she leaves.
Later, Skyler retires to bed earlier than usual. Wayne questions why Skyler won’t watch TV with him. She politely declines and leaves.
EXT – STATION – NIGHT
Traumatised Dan wakes in the night, decides to leave immediately. He packs his belongings and walks to the road, hoping to hitchhike the two hour trip to Kingscote, the nearest police station.
Before leaving, he writes a note for Skyler but Wayne finds it before her. She never sees it and Wayne keeps her guessing.
INT – FARM KITCHEN – DAY
When Skyler rises, Dan is nowhere to be seen. His backpack is gone too. Skyler is confused. She confronts Wayne, who is evasive.
Wayne says she’s the only one he can really trust.
Asks if she’s gonna let him down too?
EXT/INT – PUB – NIGHT
Skyler agrees to another pub trip – after Wayne promises to let her drive home – hoping to quiz Beryl again.
On arrival, Skyler offers to shout, heads straight to the bar. As Kati takes her order, she leans in close to say she knows that Skyler is working for Wayne and we need to talk – in private.
They agree to meet in The Ladies in ten minutes where Kati tells how she and Romy fled Wayne’s employ months earlier, after being coerced to undress and wash cars for Wayne and his mates. How the police found out and drove straight to the station, catching them red handed. How the police helped the girls leave the station, but they let the guys off without so much as a warning.
Shaken Skyler returns to the bar where she meets with Beryl again, who finally tells Skyler “Oh, you’ll be alright dear, but whatever you do … just don’t upset him”. Skyler is more concerned than ever.
Wayne watches intently as Skyler and Beryl talk. Wayne suddenly demands Skyler leave with him now. Skyler stays calm, convinces herself she must go back with Wayne for her passport and luggage, she calmly gets in his car.
INT – UTE – NIGHT
Wayne drives in silence, gradually getting faster, more reckless.
Skyler refuses to be thrown by his driving. She demands Wayne tell her what he and his mates made the German girls do. Wayne is defensive – accuses the German girls of lying. He swings the steering wheel to avoid hitting a kangaroo. Skyler fears a car crash.
He suddenly hits a kangaroo. The jolt causes the glove box to fly open, an official-looking badge falls onto Skyler’s lap. She recognises it as belonging to Union rep Bob who Wayne ordered off the property. She grabs it, hides in her pocket, Wayne doesn’t see, keeps driving. Dread courses through Skyler.
INT – FARMHOUSE – NIGHT
Back home, Wayne has cooled down, he turns on the charm, tries to reassure Skyler she’s safe alone with him, offers to cook her a nice dinner. Skyler tells him she has a searing migraine and can’t eat. He can get her an ice pack though.
INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Skyler goes to her room and secures her door from inside with a makeshift lock. Wayne hears the unexpected sound of her door locking. Wayne chuckles to himself. Skyler quietly packs her passport, wallet and basic survival pack. Lies in bed, racks her brains for possible ways to escape.
She wakes around 4am to the sound of her door lock rattling from the outside. Skyler freezes, then silence. She calls out: “What are you doing?” Wayne doesn’t answer, but continues walking down the corridor to use the toilet.
EXT – SHEEP STATION – DAY
Next morning, Skyler leaves the house before dawn, she walks the property boundary, onto a dirt road, looking for any sign of civilisation. She decides to walk back towards Bill’s place next door, and simply ask for the truth about Wayne, once and for all. Am I safe with him or not?
A few utes drive past, all men at the wheel, most look groggy, some with dogs chained up in the back. Eventually a family station wagon pulls up and a friendly guy gets out, waves Skyler over.
It’s Bill. Skyler walks up to him and shares her concerns about Wayne, asks him to take her to town. Bill says of course, get in, what’s the problem? Skyler tells him the two girls left a week ago without warning and by yesterday morning, Dan was gone too..
INT – VEHICLE – DAY
As Skyler talks, Bill turns into Wayne’s driveway and takes Skyler back to the homestead. “Let me talk to him sweetie, I’m sure we can sort this out for all concerned.”
EXT – STATION – DAY
Bill delivers Skyler back to Wayne. Tells him poor Skyler got lost while out walking. She was lucky he came along. Wayne welcomes Skyler back like an old friend, turning on the charm again. Tells Skyler she’s the best worker he’s ever had, 10 times better than Dan and the others.
EXT/INT – STATION VERANDAH – NIGHT.
Around 2am, Skyler wakes from a deep sleep to the sound of vehicles honking, spotlights flashing. Wayne’s gang of younger mates gather on the verandah outside Skyler’s window, drinking and heckling her to come out and entertain them. Full of sexual innuendo. Skyler fears the worst. Wayne sits apart, wallowing in his power over Skyler, over his mates, only calling them off when Skyler passes out. She wakes at 5am to silence. Checks her clothing. All intact. She quietly gets up, peeks out the door
EXT – STATION / CLIFFTOPS – DAY
Skyler tip toes out of the house, leaving Wayne passed out on the couch. She walks towards the coastline, climbs up the highest point on the cliffs bordering the station, hoping for phone service, nothing. Skyler continues walking, now looking for signs of Dan or his belongings.
After hours of searching, she discovers him lying injured in a deep rocky crevice on a wild stretch of coastl.
Skyler calls out to him but Dan’s delirious, not making sense. Skyler pomises to return with water, food and rope to get him out. She races back to the homestead.
INT – STATION HOMESTEAD – DAY
Sullen Wayne is sitting up in front of the television watching replays of AFL grand finals he once starred in. Skyler tries to talk to Wayne – asks what last night was all about? Did you enjoy terrorising and humiliating me? What was the point of it? He ignores her. She heads outside to walk the dogs.
EXT – STATION YARD – DAY
Grumpy Wayne emerges from the house, drives to town for more supplies to finish shearing. Decides he better buy Skyler that Telstra sim card so she doesn’t shoot through on him too.
Watching Wayne from a distance, Skyler returns to the house after he leaves, starts pacing around the house, deep in thought.
INT – HOMESTEAD – DAY
She breaks into Wayne’s farm office through a window, discovers piles of unpaid bills. She sees photo of Wayne with his wife tossed in the corner. She searches furiously for his wifi password. Finally discovers it written faintly under modem. She hears Wayne’s car slowing down on the main road as it approaches the station driveway. She knows she’s got about one minute.
Skyler connects, her phone goes ballistic with incoming messages. She tears up with relief. She returns a text message from her friend Charlotte in Sydney. Shyler begs her to call the KI police ASAP. She scrambles back out through the office window, slams it shut.
Wayne returns to the house, sullen and brooding. Skyler stays calm, puts on her cheerful demeanor and offers to cook Wayne’s favourite meal. Minestrone soup. He grunts.
Wayne sees her phone sticking out of her pocket and asks why she’s carrying it around? “I’ve just been taking pics of the dogs. Here wanna see?” Wayne fobs her off. “Why would I wanna look at those stupid mutts?”.
They eat dinner in silence. Skyler goes outside to feed the dogs.
Wayne gets a call from local cop Bluey who says Sydney Police boss rang asking about a worker, apparently being held there against her will. Speaking softly, Wayne assures the cop there must be some misunderstanding. Wayne agrees to bring Skyler into the local police station tomorrow.
EXT – HOMESTEAD & SURROUNDS – NIGHT
Furious Wayne goes outside and confronts Skyler, “Yeah i will take a look at those doggie pics.” Skyler takes off outside.
Skyler and Wayne are locked in a tense cat and mouse chase through the nearby Reserve. Wayne wants to see her phone, knows she’s cracked his wifi and he’s furious..
INT – SHEARING SHED – NIGHT
Exhausted and paranoid, Wayne thinks he finally has Skyler cornered in the woolshed, demands she come out of hiding, he’s not gonna hurt her, he just wants her to promise she’ll stay and help him finish the shearing.
When she refuses, he threatens to shoot Max and Woofy. As he raises his rifle, Skyler relents, drops her mobile.
As Wayne bends down to pick it up, Skyler rolls a wool bale down onto him, from atop the wool stack, knocking the wind out of him. Injured Wayne drops the rifle, struggles to push the wool bale off. Skyler runs for the road, both dogs in tow, hoping to intercept police any minute.
Wayne’s neighbour Bill shows up at the shed, sensing Wayne may be losing control and becoming dangerous. Bill struggles to free Wayne while also trying to calm him down.Wayne breaks free, goes ballistic. Attacks Bill. They wrestle, Bill struggles to subdue Wayne.
EXT – STATION DRIVEWAY – NIGHT
Skyler sees car lights turn into the driveway. She waves her arms to grab attention.
New local police woman Margo approaches the station at a slow pace. Skyler jumps into the police car while it’s still moving. Skyler explains how Dan’s in trouble, he fell in a crevice and broke his leg trying to escape the property a few nights ago. We’ve got to get him out now!
EXT – COASTAL CLIFFS – DAY
In dawn light, Skyler leads Margo to the crevice where Dan lies injured, barely breathing. They hoist him out with ropes and give first aid. He survives.
They drive to the homestead to find neighbour Bill has Wayne in a headlock. Margo takes control, approaches the men with her handgun aimed and cocked.
Wayne is arrested, handcuffed, and taken into the station for questioning.
INT – POLICE STATION – DAY
Police declare they cannot charge Wayne with any crime. They accept he terrorised and instilled fear in his workers but he didn’t physically assault anyone. And there’s insufficient evidence to charge him with deprivation of liberty based on the employment contract terms.
Skyler retrieves the Union rep badge from her bag, hands it to the police, explaining where it came from.
The police take her statement and open an investigation. Wayne’s property is searched but no body or other evidence is found. Wayne is never charged.
Skyler moves to Sydney, becomes an Aussie, settles here. She sets up a dedicated service to support migrant workers, backpackers and international travellers working in remote locations of the world.
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Doing this assignment forced me to go back once again and re-work earlier elements of the thriller plan. With a stronger set up, i reviewed mis direction already at work and looked of ways to add or build on it but in the end, it didn’t need more, at least not yet. But who knows?
NEW THRILLER PLAN OPENING:
Adventurous US traveller, Nat, touches down on wild Kangaroo Island, meets her new boss, country Aussie larrikin, Wayne Hacken. It’s a two hour drive on a dirt road at a hectic 120km/hr, deep into remote west coast grazing country.
Villain’s plan 1: Wayne is charming as they chat on the long drive to his remote sheep station, she learns a bit about country life and Wayne’s history – how he was once happily married – he gets a feel for her New York life.
On arrival, Wayne introduces Nat to other migrant workers Lucy, Bella and Dan. He proudly leads workers on a tour of the historic colonial homestead and wool shed, briefs them on the shearing job ahead, explains the roles of cook, yarding hands, shearers, roustabouts, wool classer and wool presser.
INCITING INCIDENT:
Mystery 1: Nat soon discovers her Vodafone plan has no mobile service, no wifi, no communication with the outside world. How will she survive out here through the long month of shearing?
TWIST The locals say you need to have Telstra or satellite plans to work out here.
TRUST Wayne promises to take Nat to town to buy a Telstra sim card once the mustering is done. DISTRUST Wayne keeps making excuses.
Villains plan 2: End of Day 1, Nat lies alone in her bedroom exhausted after a long day’s work, almost asleep. She hears footsteps that stop outside her door, hears a soft voice ask ‘Can you hear me?’ then silence. She freezes.
Minutes later, she hears soft, slow whispering through the thin wall. Can…… You…… Hear ……Me?
Mystery 2: What the hell is Wayne doing? Is he trying to freak Nat out? Why?
Villains plan 3: Wayne drives Nat and Dan at breakneck speed to farm next door to help Bill and his family with lamb marking and tail docking. Nat enjoys her first taste of rural Australian life, discovers the neighbours are lovely people with two teenage daughters, all sing Wayne’s praises.
After a long, exhausting day’s work, tired Bill is very thankful for the help; he invites Wayne, Nat and Dan to his 60th birthday next week.
Villains plan 4: It’s hot driving home, Wayne stops at the local pub, the only building on a lonely road, run by Wayne’s mate Tom with the help of two young German backpackers working the bar.
Wayne invites Nat and Dan in for a cold beer. Still wearing blood stained overalls, Nat cautiously agrees.
Inside, a group of Wayne’s mates shout and jeer, joking about his new girlfriend. TWIST: Dan responds with a put-down of Wayne for setting up / embarrassing Nat, infuriating Wayne.
Mystery 3: At the pub, Nat meets Beryl, wife of a bossy school teacher, who tries to warn Nat about something but is reluctant to speak with publican Tom staring at her. Wayne downs the last of his beer, calls time to go.
TURNING POINT 1
With shearing set to start, Wayne spends days working the phone, finally locking in 4 shearers – Vinnie, Beau, Max and Kenny for the one month job. Wayne takes the Woolclasser role, offers his workers roustabout and yarding jobs, tells them to sign their contracts today if they want to join the team.
Mystery 4: Nat and fellow workers agree Wayne can be weird and temperamental but otherwise harmless.
Besides- as Nat confidently tells everyone, she’s on her dream working holiday of a lifetime and no one is going to stop her – so she signs up. Says she’ll probably love it and wanna stay longer! MYSTERY: Why is she so confident / blase?
CLUE Wayne receives first threatening phone call from his many creditors; starting with last year’s shearing contractor, Frank Wilson, who’s still waiting on his final payment. Wayne assures Frank outstanding money will be paid soon.
Next day, Frank sends a couple of burly guys to rough up Wayne, just so he gets the urgency of the message.
TRUST Wayne throws bales of hay to sheep from the back of the ute, driven slowly by Nat. Wayne goes ballistic, yells at Nat to stop, jumps down and cradles sheepdog Max as if injured.
DISTRUST Wayne suddenly turns and laughs at the look of shock and horror on Nat, who thought she’d driven over Max.
Mystery 5: The Shearers union rep arrives on the station unannounced to do a safety audit of the shearing shed.
Wayne and Bob argue about workplace safety rules and regulations.
When Wayne protests about the costly upgrades, Bob warns he may boycott the station, potentially delaying the shearing.
Wayne huffs and fumes, orders Bob off the property in temper but Bob refuses to be bullied, stays to finish the audit.
“OK, I’ve got real work to do mate, just shut the bloody gate when you leave,” Wayne tells Bob, drives off in ute
COVER UP: When Bob stops at the end of drive to shut the gate, Wayne rolls a large rock down from road-side escarpment, crushing car and killing Bob instantly. Then he tows the car and dead Bob to a coastal cliff, rolls it over the edge.
Villains plan 5: A rainy day, wet sheep, The shearing can’t start.
Wayne takes Nat on an ocean fishing trip. Wayne gives the outboard full throttle, hits some big swell and almost tips the boat over. Nat’s adrenaline is pumping.
They bait up and fish in silence. Wayne gets seasick, heaves overboard. Nat is fine.
Life Threatening 1: The sea gets rougher, Nat reels in. Wayne refuses, pissed because she’s not seasick like him.
TWIST Wayne falls off the boat trying to land a big tuna .. he’s drowning. Nat stares briefly in disbelief, looks at Wayne struggling to climb aboard in the big swell …. decides she better save him.
TRUST Wayne drives Nat and Dan to Bill’s 60th birthday party next door. Big night of eating barbecue fish, drinking and arguing, mainly with Wayne, who later insists he’s OK to drive home, tells Nat and Dan to get in the ute, time to go.
DISTRUST Drunken an accepts a lift with Wayne but Nat refuses – knowing he drives even faster than usual when he’s drunk.
Nat offers to drive instead, given she’s only had a couple of drinks all night.
Wayne is indignant, fumes with anger – how dare she doubt his diving ability – outright refuses.
Nat starts walking away to avoid his outburst. Wayne curses Nat and warns her dingoes will probably attack her on route. Nat mocks his pettiness, taking the long walk overland by moonlight back to the homestead, (compass in pocket, just in case). Arrives home exhausted but alive.
Mystery 6: Nat discovers one morning Lucy and Bella haven’t shown up for breakfast. She asks Wayne where they are. Wayne claims he woke in the night to see a Taxi leaving. Tells Nat the sneaky buggers must have pre-booked it.
Mystery 7: Two weeks into the shearing, It’s pay day. Lead shearer Vinnie is not happy, he confronts Wayne, accusing him of underpaying the shearers. They argue, Vinnie says he’s too old for this bullshit, walks out in disgust, leaving Wayne with the three younger shearers to finish the job.
Next morning, the shearers are sullen and dispirited, uneasy about their decision to keep shearing instead of walking out in solidarity with Vinne .
Then one shearer calls out ‘Lousy Sheep!’ All shearers down tools, telling Wayne they can refuse to shear lousy sheep. Or wet sheep for that matter, it’s all in the contract.
Wayne refuses to accept his sheep are lousy!
Wayne demands the shearers finish the job they were hired for or he won’t be paying anyone anything.
All 3 shearers walk out, threatening to report Wayne to the union .
Furious Wayne decides to shear the last few hundred sheep himself! Orders the shearers off the property.
Now he desperately needs Nat and Dan to stay to sweep up and class the wool, press the bales and keep the sheep moving through the shed.
Villain’s plan 6: Determined not to lose them, Wayne offers a pay rise. keen for the extra earnings, Dan and Nat accept.
Villains plan 7: Nat baths in homemade Hot Tub on the verandah after a hard day’s work in the shearing shed. Wayne wanders up in his bathers, presumes to join her? As soon as he steps in, Nat bales. Wayne watches resentfully as she leaves.
Villains plan 6: When Nat awakes one morning, Dan is nowhere to be seen.
CLUE: His backpack is gone but his hat and some personal belongings remain.
Life Threatening 3: Nat confronts Wayne, who is evasive. She persists. He says Dan probably shot through in the night … ‘like the rest of the useless workers, i’m guessing’. ‘So why did he leave his hat?’
Wayne tells Nat he was useless anyway, she’s the only one he can really trust. “You’re not gonna let me down too, are you?
Mystery 9: On a second trip to the pub with Wayne, Nat is served by one of the German girls who have heard about Nat and are desperate to warn her about Wayne. She tells Nat how they fled his employ months earlier, after being coerced to undress and wash cars for Wayne and his mates. How the police somehow found out and arrived to catch them red handed. But the police let them off with just a warning.
Mystery 10: At the pub, Nat meets Beryl again who finally tells Nat “you’ll be alright dear, but whatever you do … just don’t upset him”.
Nat is now even more confused. What’s that supposed to mean?
Villain’s plan 8: Wayne watches intently while Nat and Beryl talk, he suddenly demands Nat leave with him now.
Life Threatening 3: Nat stays calm, convinces herself she must go back with Wayne for her passport and luggage, she gets in his car. Nat fears a confrontation. Wayne drives in silence, faster, more reckless than ever.
Nat demands Wayne tell her what he and his mates made the German girls do. Is it true what the barmaid told me about you and your mates? Wayne is defensive, hits the accelerator, almost hits a kangaroo.
Nat fears a car crash.
MIDPOINT:
REVEAL Wayne swerves sharply to avoid hitting the kangaroo. The glove box flies open and an official badge falls out onto Nat’s lap. She recognises it as belonging to the Union rep who Wayne ordered off the property weeks ago. She grabs it, hides in her pocket, Wayne doesn’t see. Dread courses through Nat.
Life Threatening 3: Back home, Wayne has cooled down, he tries to reassure Nat she’s safe with him, offers to cook her dinner. Nat tells him she has a searing migraine and cant eat. He can get her an icepack though. ‘Might even need you to call me an ambulance’
Nat goes to her room and secures her door from inside with a makeshift lock. Wayne hears the unexpected sound of her door locking. Wayne chuckles to himself. Nat quietly packs her passport, wallet and basic survival pack. Lies in bed, plans her escape.
She wakes around 4am to the sound of her door lock rattling. Nat freezes, then calls out who’s there. Wayne doesn’t answer, but stops fiddling with the lock and continues walking down corridor to toilet.
Next morning, Nat leaves the house before dawn, she walks the property boundary, onto a dirt road, looking for a bus stop, any sign of civilisation. She decides to walk back towards Bill’s place next door, ask for the truth about Wayne, is he really safe to be around.
A few utes drive past, all men, most looking groggy, some with dogs chained in the back. Eventually a car pulls up and a friendly guy gets out, waves Nat over.
It’s Bill. Nat walks up to him and shares her concerns about Wayne, asks him to take her to town. Bill says of course, what’s the problem? Nat gets in and tells him the two girls left a week ago without warning and by yesterday morning, Dan was gone too.
But as Nat talks, Bill turns into Wayne’s driveway and takes Nat back to the homestead. ‘Let me talk to him, i’m sure we can sort this out.’
COVER UP Wayne turns on the charm, welcomes Nat back like an old friend. Tells Nat she’s the best worker he’s ever had, 10 times better than Dan and the others. We’re better off without them.
Life Threatening 4: Nat wakes at 2am on a Sunday morning to the sound of vehicles honking, spotlights flashing. Wayne’s gang of mates gather on the verandah outside Nat’s window, drinking and heckling her to come out and entertain them. Full of sexual innuendo. Nat fears the worst. Wayne sits apart, wallowing in his power over Nat, over his mates, only calling them off when Nat passes out. She wakes at 5am to silence. Checks her clothing. All intact. She gets up and peeks out her door.
TURNING POINT 2:
Nat tip toes out of the house, leaving Wayne passed out on the couch. She walks towards the coastline, climbs up the highest point on the cliffs bordering the station, hoping for phone service, nothing..
REVEAL Villains Plan 9 : Nat walks the wild coast, looking for signs of friend Dan. After hours of searching, she discovers him lying injured at the bottom of a deep crevis on a wild stretch of coastline.
Mystery 12: Nat calls out to him but Dan’s delirious, not making any sense. Nat explains she’ll return with water and rope to get him out. She races back to homestead, finds sullen Wayne now sitting up in front of the television watching replays of AFL grand finals he once starred in.? Nat tries to talk to Wayne, but he ignores her. Not now.
Mystery 13: So Nat writes a note, telling Wayne she’s gone for a walk to get some exercise. Also writes: Are you going to apologise for last night? She heads outside to find rope and try to save Dan.
Life Threatening 6: An hour later, Wayne gets up, grabs ute keys, leaves the house to buy supplies to finish shearing. Picks up Nat’s note on the way out.
REVEAL Nat returns to house now that Wayne has left, paces around searching for ideas. All she really needs is wifi. Surely Wayne cant run a business without wifi? She breaks into Wayne’s farm office through a window, discovers piles of unpaid bills. She tries to hack his wifi but can’t find the password. Finally discovers it written faintly under modem. She hears Wayne’s car approaching in distance. She’s got one minute.
Nat connects, her phone goes ballistic with incoming messages. She tears up with relief. She gets a text message to her friend Charlotte in Sydney, begs her to call the KI police HQ. She scrambles back out through the office window, slams it shut.
Life Threatening 7: Wayne returns to the house, sullen and brooding. Nat stays calm, puts on her cheerful demeanor and offers to cook Wayne’s favourite meal. Minestrone soup. He grunts, then sees her phone sticking out of her pocket and asks why she’s carrying it around?
“I’ve just been taking pics of the dogs. Here wanna see?” Wayne fobs her off. Stupid mutts.
Villain’s plan 10: Nat is outside feeding the dogs. Doesn’t hear Wayne get a call from local cop Bluey who says Sydney Police boss rang asking about a worker, apparently being held there against her will.
Villain’s plan 11: Wayne assures the cop there must be some misunderstanding. Wayne agrees to bring Nat to local police station tomorrow, if that’s what she wants..
Furious Wayne hangs up, confronts Nat, “ yeah i will take a look at those doggie pics.”
Nat oozes confidence, defies Wayne: “Too late, I deleted them.” She takes off outside.
CLIMAX:
Life Threatening 8: Nat and Wayne are locked in a tense cat and mouse chase through the woodland near the farm homestead at night. Wayne wants her phone, see if she’s been talking behind his back.
Exhausted and paranoid, Wayne thinks he finally has Nat cornered in the woolshed, demands she come out of hiding, he’s not gonna hurt her, just look at the photos.
When she refuses he threatens to shoot the two dogs. As he raises his rifle, Nat relents: Ok here, have my bloody phone, its useless anyway out here as you know!
Life Threatening 9: As Wayne bends down to pick up her phone, Nat rolls a wool bale down onto Wayne, from atop the wool stack,knocking the wind out of him.
Injured Wayne drops the rifle, struggles to push the wool bale off. Nat grabs his rifle, runs for the road, both dogs in tow, hoping to intercept police due to arrive any minute.
TWIST. Wayne’s neighbour Bill shows up at the shed, sensing Wayne may be losing control and becoming dangerous.( He knows the real reason his wife left him). Bill tries to lift bale off to free Wayne while trying to calm him down.Wayne breaks free, goes ballistic. Attacks Bill. They wrestle, Bill struggles to subdue Wayne.
Life Threatening 10: New police woman Margo drives towards the station, sees Nat up ahead waving her arms. As Margot slows down, Nat jumps in, police car is still moving.
Nat says Dan’s in trouble, Wayne’s tried to throw him off a cliff. In the tussle, he fell in a crevice and broke his leg, been there for days, time to get him out.
They drive to the homestead to find neighbour Bill has Wayne in a headlock. Margo takes control, approaches the men with her handgun aimed and cocked.
Wayne is arrested, handcuffed, thrown into divy wagon. Nat leads Margo to well where Dan lies injured, barely breathing. They hoist him out with ropes and give first aid. He survives.
Police charge Wayne with attempted murder and deprivation of liberty.
Nat moves to Sydney, becomes an Aussie, settles here.
RESOLUTION:
Nat sets up a dedicated service to support migrant workers, backpackers and international travellers working in remote locations of the world.
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ASSIGNMENT 12
Brendan gives great clues for ‘Kangaroo Island’.
What i learnt was how difficult it is to add extra clues at this stage without them feeling overt and clunky. I managed to add just one extra clue which alludes to the main mystery. For the other two mysteries, i considered all sorts of places to add extra clues but decided not to as i don’t believe they will enhance the thriller elements of the story.
List out the three main mysteries in your story / 2 Create a list of clues for each of the main mysteries in your story.
MYSTERY a) Villain presents as a successful grazier/charming country gentleman with temporary cash flow problems only, to hide his true self; a financially stressed, bitter divorcee who instills fear in female migrant workers, controlling if/when they leave his employ.
CLUE Wayne rejects advice from Bob to fix wool shed safety issues.
CLUE Vinnie walks out on Wayne due to payrate dispute.
CLUE Wayne starts receiving threatening phone calls from creditors
FINAL REVEAL Nat breaks into Wayne’s farm office through a window, discovers piles of unpaid bills, some threatening legal action. She tries to hack his wifi but can’t find the password. Finally discovers it written faintly under modem. She hears Wayne’s car approaching.
MYSTERY b) Why does Villain have such influence over local towns folk, pressuring them never to reveal details of his failed marriage or previous worker complaints against him?
CLUE (FALSE) Nat discovers the neighbours are a lovely couple with two teenage daughters, all sing Wayne’s praises.
CLUE Nat meets Beryl, wife of a bossy school teacher, who tries to warn Nat about something but is reluctant to speak with Wayne staring at her
CLUE Nat meets Beryl for a second time, who finally tells Nat “you’ll be alright dear, but whatever you do … just don’t upset him”.
FINAL REVEAL Nat wakes at 2am to the sound of vehicles honking, spotlights flashing. Wayne’s gang of mates gather on the verandah outside Nat’s window, drinking and heckling her to come out and entertain them. Full of sexual innuendo.
MYSTERY c) Villain bribes local police to discreetly deal with any worker complaints raised against Villain.
CLUE Nat meets German girls who tell Nat how they fled his employ after being coerced to undress and wash cars for Wayne and his sleazy mates. How the police arrive and catch them red handed. How the police let them off with just a warning.
FINAL REVEAL Wayne gets call from local cop mate who says Sydney Police HQ rang to say a female worker is being held there against her will. What do I tell em mate?
OPENING:
Adventurous US traveller, Nat, touches down on wild Kangaroo Island, meets her new boss, country Aussie larrikin, Wayne Hacken.
Villain’s plan 1: Wayne is charming as they chat on the long drive to his remote sheep station. Nat meets other migrant workers Lucy, Bella and Dan. Wayne welcomes everyone, proudly leads workers on a tour of the colonial homestead and wool shed, briefs them on the shearing job ahead.
INCITING INCIDENT:
Mystery 1: Nat soon discovers her Vodafone plan provides no mobile service, no wifi, no communication with the outside world. Can she survive out here for 88 days with no phone?
TWIST The locals are all with Telstra or on satellite plans.
TRUST Wayne promises to take Nat to town to buy a Telstra sim card once the mustering is done. DISTRUST Wayne keeps making excuses.
Villains plan 2: End of Day 1, Nat lies alone in her bedroom exhausted after a long day’s work, almost asleep. She hears footsteps that stop outside her door, hears a soft voice ask ‘Can you hear me?’ then silence. She freezes.
Minutes later, she hears soft, slow whispering through the thin wall. Can…… You…… Hear ……Me?
Mystery 2: What the hell is Wayne doing? Is he trying to freak Nat out? Why?
Villains plan 3: Wayne drives Nat and Dan on a dirt road at breakneck speed to farm next door to help Bill and his family with lamb marking and tail docking. Nat enjoys the taste of rural Australian life, discovers the neighbours are lovely people with two teenage daughters, all sing Wayne’s praises.
Villains plan 4: It’s hot driving home, Wayne stops at the local pub, invites Nat and Dan in for a cold beer. Still wearing blood stained overalls, Nat reluctantly agrees. Inside, a group of Wayne’s mates shout and jeer, joking about his new girlfriend. TWIST: Dan responds with a put-down of Wayne for embarrassing Nat, infuriating Wayne.
Mystery 3: At the pub, Nat meets Beryl, wife of a bossy school teacher, who tries to warn Nat about something but is reluctant to speak with Wayne staring at her. Wayne downs his beer, calls time to go.
TURNING POINT 1:
With shearing set to start, Wayne tells workers it’s time to sign employment contracts if they want to join the shearing team.
Mystery 4: Nat and fellow workers agree Wayne can be weird and temperamental but hardly dangerous.
Besides, Nat’s on her dream working holiday of a lifetime and no one is going to stop her. Eager to work, she signs the contract. MYSTERY Why is she so confident?
CLUE Wayne starts receiving threatening phone calls from his many creditors; starting with last year’s shearing contractor. Wayne assures the caller the final payment will be made soon.
TRUST Wayne throws bales of hay to sheep from the back of the ute, driven slowly by Nat. Wayne goes ballistic, yells at Nat to stop, jumps down and cradles sheepdog Max as if injured.
DISTRUST Wayne suddenly turns and laughs at the look of shock and horror on Nat, who thought she’d driven over Max.
Mystery 5: The Shearers union rep arrives on the station unannounced to do a safety audit of the shearing shed. Wayne and Bob argue about something. Bob warns he may boycott the station if Wayne doesn’t agree to his demands. Wayne orders Bob off the property. Bob leaves, vowing to return.
COVER UP: Wayne rings the AWU office to file a complaint against Bob, accusing him of being aggressive and intoxicated while inspecting Wayne’s shed.
Villains plan 5: A rainy day, wet sheep, can’t work. Wayne takes Nat on an ocean fishing trip. Wayne gives the outboard full throttle, hits some big swell and almost tips the boat over. Nat’s adrenaline is pumping.
They bait up and fish in silence. Wayne gets seasick, heaves overboard. Nat is fine.
Life Threatening 1: The sea gets rougher, Nat cautiously suggests they bail. Wayne refuses, goes ballistic because she’s not seasick like him.
TWIST Wayne falls off the boat trying to land a big tuna, looks to be drowning. Nat stares briefly at keys in the ignition…. looks at Wayne struggling to get back on board …. decides to save him.
TRUST Wayne drives Nat and Dan to Bill’s 60th birthday party next door. Big night of eating barbecue fish, drinking and arguing, mainly with Wayne, who later insists he’s OK to drive home, tells Nat and Dan to get in the ute, time to go.
DISTRUST Dan accepts a lift with Wayne but Nat refuses, knowing how much he’s drunk.
Nat offers to drive, given she’s only had a couple of drinks all night.
Wayne goes ballistic, demands she do what she’s told and get in the ute. Nat laughs at him, opting instead for a long walk overland by moonlight back to the homestead.
Mystery 7: Nat discovers Lucy and Bella haven’t shown up for breakfast. She asks Wayne where they are. Wayne claims he woke in the night to see what looked like a Taxi leaving. Must have been them, the slackers!.
Mystery 6: It’s pay day. Lead shearer Vinnie is not happy, he confronts Wayne, accusing him of underpaying the shearers. They argue, Vinnie says he’s too old for this bullshit, walks out in disgust, leaving Wayne with three young shearers to finish the job.
A week later, Wayne declares shearing will be finished by midday tomorrow. Wayne sings the team’s praises, shouts a slab of beer and a spit lamb roast for dinner.
Next morning, the shearers are in fine spirits, with the end of shearing in sight. Until one shearer calls ‘Lousy Sheep’.
All shearers down tools, reminding Wayne they are within their right to refuse to shear lousy sheep. Or wet sheep for that matter, reminding Wayne it’s all in the contract.
Wayne refuses to accept that any of his sheep are lousy … or wet.
Wayne demands the shearers finish the job they were hired for or he won’t be paying anyone for any work done to date.
The shearers walk out in solidarity, threatening to report Wayne to the industrial umpire.
Furious Wayne tells them all to bugger off, decides to shear the last few hundred sheep himself!
Now he desperately needs Nat and Dan to stay to run the shed.
Villain’s plan 6: Determined not to lose them, Wayne offers a pay rise. In need of the money, Dan and Nat accept.
Villains plan 7: Nat baths in homemade Hot Tub after a hard day’s work in the shearing shed. Wayne presumes to join her? As soon as he steps in, Nat bales. Wayne feels jilted.
Villains plan 6: When Nat awakes one morning, Dan is nowhere to be seen.
CLUE: His backpack is gone but his hat and some personal belongings remain.
Life Threatening 3: Nat confronts Wayne, who is evasive. She persists. He says Dan probably shot through in the night … ‘like the rest of the useless workers, i’m guessing’.
Wayne tells Nat she’s the only one he can really trust.
Mystery 9: On a second trip to the pub with Wayne, Nat meets German girls who have heard about Nat and are desperate to warn her about Wayne. They tell Nat how they fled his employ months earlier, after being coerced to undress and wash cars for Wayne and his mates. How the police arrive and catch them red handed. How the police let them off with just a warning.
Mystery 10: At the pub, Nat meets Beryl again who finally tells Nat “you’ll be alright dear, but whatever you do … just don’t upset him”.
Villain’s plan 8: Wayne watches intently while Nat and Beryl talk, he suddenly demands Nat leave with him now.
Life Threatening 3: Nat stays calm, convinces herself she must go back for her passport and luggage, she gets in his car. Nat fears a confrontation. Wayne drives in silence, faster, more reckless than ever.
Nat demands Wayne tell her what he made the German girls do. Is it true what they said? Wayne is defensive, hits the accelerator, almost hits a kangaroo.
Nat fears a car crash.
MIDPOINT:
REVEAL Wayne swerves sharply to avoid hitting the kangaroo. The glove box flies open and an official badge falls out onto Nat’s lap. She recognises it as belonging to the Union rep who Wayne ordered off the property weeks ago. Dread courses through Nat.
Life Threatening 3: Back home, Wayne has cooled down, offers to cook Nat dinner. Nat tells him she has a searing migraine and won’t be eating tonight. Nat goes to her room and secures her door from inside with a makeshift lock. Wayne hears the unexpected sound of her door locking. Quietly fumes. Nat packs her passport, wallet and basic survival pack. Lies in bed, plans her escape.
Early next morning, she walks the property boundary, onto a dirt road, looking for a bus stop, a friendly tourist, any chance of escape to civilisation.
A few utes drive past, all men, most looking groggy, some with dogs chained in the back. Eventually a car pulls up and a friendly guy gets out, waves Nat over.
It’s Bill, the farmer next door. Nat walks up to him and shares her concerns about Wayne, asks him to take her to town. Bill says of course, what’s the problem? She gets in and explains but is taken back to Wayne’s homestead.
COVER UP Wayne tells Nat she’s the best worker he’s ever had, 10 times better than Dan. Better off without him.
Life Threatening 4: Nat wakes at 2am to the sound of vehicles honking, spotlights flashing. Wayne’s gang of mates gather on the verandah outside Nat’s window, drinking and heckling her to come out and entertain them. Full of sexual innuendo. Nat fears the worst. Wayne sits apart, wallowing in his power over Nat, over his mates, only calling them off when Nat passes out. She wakes early in the morning to silence. Checks her clothing. All intact.
TURNING POINT 2:
REVEAL Villains Plan 9 : Nat discovers friend Dan at the bottom of a dry well.
Mystery 12: Dan’s not responding to her calls and lies motionless. Is he unconscious or dead? She hears a faint groan, returns to homestead, finds Wayne passed out in front of the television watching replays of AFL grand finals he once starred in.
Mystery 13: Nat sneaks out into the night to look for Dan.
Life Threatening 5: Wayne wakes at midnight, suspects Nat is probably searching for Dan. He goes to her room but she’s gone.
Wayne jumps in the ute and drives around the station, swinging a spotlight out the window. Nat watches from a secure hiding place as Wayne drives to a clearing in the woodland, stops briefly to walk around, as if checking on something, then resumes driving.
Mystery 14: When Wayne returns, Nat is asleep in her room. Why would she return to the house with Wayne there? Does she have a hidden weapon she plans to use? TWIST: Is it Nat or pillows arranged to look like her? Nat gains more time to help Dan. Now that Wayne has unknowingly revealed where Dan might be.
Life Threatening 6: Wayne leaves house early for town to buy supplies to finish shearing.
REVEAL Nat seizes the opportunity to break into Wayne’s farm office through a window, discovers piles of unpaid bills. She tries to hack his wifi but can’t find the password. Finally discovers it written faintly under modem. She hears Wayne’s car approaching.
Nat connects, her phone goes ballistic with incoming messages. She tears up with relief. She gets a text message to her friend Charlotte in Sydney, begs her to call the KI police HQ. She scrambles back out through the office window, slams it shut.
Life Threatening 7: Wayne returns to the house, sullen and brooding. Nat stays calm, puts on her cheerful demeanor and offers to cook Wayne’s favourite meal. Minestrone soup. He grunts, then sees her phone sticking out of her pocket and asks why she’s carrying it around?
“I’ve just been taking pics of the dogs, here wanna see?” Wayne fobs her off.
Villain’s plan 10: Nat is outside feeding the dogs when Wayne gets a call from local cop mate who says a big boss in Sydney Police rang to say a worker is being held there against her will. What do I tell them mate?
Villain’s plan 11: Wayne tells the cop he will deal with Nat. TWIST Wayne agrees to bring Nat to local police station tomorrow, if that’s what she wants..
Furious Wayne hangs up, confronts Nat, “ yeah i will take a look at those dog pictures.”
“Too late, I deleted them.”
CLIMAX:
Life Threatening 8: Nat and Wayne are locked in a tense cat and mouse chase through the woodland near the farm homestead at night. He’d rather kill Nat now than have her leave him like the others.
Exhausted and paranoid, Wayne thinks he finally has Nat cornered in the wool shed, demands she come out of hiding or he’ll shoot the two dogs.
Life Threatening 9: From on top of the wool stack, Nat rolls a wool bale down onto Wayne, knocking him over, severely winding him.
Wayne drops rifle, struggles to push the bale off. Nat grabs his rifle, runs for the road, both dogs in tow, hoping to intercept police due to arrive any minute.
TWIST. Wayne’s neighbour Bill shows up at the shed, sensing Wayne may be losing control and becoming dangerous. BIll helps free Wayne, tries to calm him down.Wayne goes ballistic. Attacks Bill. They wrestle, Bill struggles to subdue Wayne.
Life Threatening 10: New police woman Margo pulls up, Nat jumps in while the police car is still moving, explains Dan’s in trouble, says Wayne’s thrown him down and well, tried to kill him.
Margo picks up Nat, they drive to the homestead to find neighbour Bill has Wayne in a headlock. Margo takes control, approaches the men with her handgun aimed and cocked.
Wayne is arrested and handcuffed and bundled into a paddy wagon. Nat leads Margo to well where Dan lies, now almost dead. They hoist him out with ropes and give first aid. He survives.
Police charge Wayne with attempted murder and deprivation of liberty.
Nat moves to Sydney, becomes an Aussie, settles here.
RESOLUTION:
Nat sets up a dedicated service to support migrant workers, backpackers and international travellers working in remote locations of the world.
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ASSIGNMENT 10
Brendan’s Kangaroo Island psych thriller, with Trust / Distrust Elements.
What i learnt was that a focus on Trust-Distrust relationships while editing scenes and creating new scenes adds to the suspense and tension. It also helps to make the characters more complex when you test out their trustworthiness in new situations. Trust often seems to be tied up with Mystery, Intrigue & Suspense.
1. Make a list of the main characters.
Hero: Nat
Villain: Wayne
Red Herring Character:
Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Farmer neighbour, Bill
Isn’t trusted, but should be: Beryl Local police
2. With each character, ask these questions:
Hero Nat
A. What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable? Trustable
B. How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable? Nat’s cool confidence is not something Wayne expects, which makes him suspicious and distrustful of Nat
C. What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other? Nat trusts Wayne at first but as she learns more about Wayne, she becomes increasingly distrustful.
Villain Wayne
A. What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable? Not trustable
B. How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable? Wayne appears trustable, coming from a respected family sheep dynasty, he’s just going through tough times. The migrant worker program is sanctioned by Canberra so Nat has no reason to distrust Wayne and every right to expect a safe stay
C. What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other? With the stress of losing shearers in the middle of shearing, Wayne slowly loses control, making him more menacing and untrustable.
When Wayne realises Nat knows what he’s done, he can no longer trust that Nat will stick around
Dan
A. What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable? Trustable
B. How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable? Dan is aloof and dismissive of Nat’s initial concerns about Wayne, laughing off her fertile imagination. When she probes, he admits he doesn’t think much about Wayne, so long as he pays us properly
C. What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other? Dan jokingly tells Wayne that Nat calls him the Palomino behind his back
Bill
A. What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable? Trustable
B. How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable? When Bill offers to take Nat to town but returns her to Wayne instead, she loses trust in him
C. What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other? When Bill hears that the shearers walked out on Wayne, he fears Wayne may crack and become dangerous, goes to check on Nat
Police mate Bluey
A. What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable? Trustable
B. How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable? Being a mate of Wayne’s, makes him appear untrustworthy
C. What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other? If he finds evidence that Wayne has broken the law, he is willing lay charges on Wayne
Beryl
A. What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable? Trustable
B. How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable? Beryl appears untrustable because she won’t tell Nat what her concerns are about Wayne
C. What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other? If Beryl could talk with Nat, without Wayne knowing, she could tell her the truth about Wayne’s past
4. Create a sequence for each trust/distrust relationship (like I did with Three Days of The Condor) and then add that to your map.
TRUST Wayne promises to take Nat to town to buy a sim card. DISTRUST Wayne keeps making good excuses.
TRUST Wayne throws hay to sheep from farm ute, driven slowly by Nat. Wayne yells stop, jumps down and cradles the dog Max as if injured.
DISTRUST Wayne laughs out loud at look of horror on Nat, who thought she’d driven over Max
TRUST Wayne drives Nat to Bill’s 60th birthparty next door. Big night of drinking and arguing with Wayne, who insists he’s OK to drive home, tells Nat to get in, time to go.
DISTRUST Nat heads off on foot for long walk back, cross country.
TRUST Nat baths in hot tub, trusting her privacy will be respected.
DISTRUST Wayne breaks that trust when he assumes to join her.
NEW THRILLER MAP
OPENING:
Adventurous US traveller, Nat, touches down on wild Kangaroo Island, meets her new boss, Aussie larrikin charmer, Wayne Hacken.
Villain’s plan 1: Wayne is charming as they chat on the long drive to his remote sheep station. Nat meets Dan and other migrant workers Lucy, Bella and Dan..
Mystery 1: Nat discovers no mobile service, no wifi, no communication with the outside world. TWIST The other workers are too poor to own phones? TRUST Wayne promises to take Nat to town to buy a sim card. DISTRUST Wayne keeps making good excuses.
Villains plan 2: Nat lies alone in her bedroom exhausted, almost asleep. She hears footsteps that stop outside her door, hears a soft voice ask ‘Can you hear me?’ then silence. She freezes. Later, she hears soft whispering through the thin wall. Can…… You…… Hear ……Me?
Mystery 2: What the hell is he doing? trying to freak her out?
Villains plan 3: Wayne drives Nat and Dan on a rough dirt road to neighbours property to help with lamb marking (tail docking & castration). Nat discovers the neighbours are a lovely family who sing Wayne’s praises.
Villains plan 4: It’s hot driving home, Wayne stops at the local pub, invites Nat and Dan in for a cold beer.. Still wearing blood stained overalls, Nat reluctantly agrees. Inside, a group of Wayne’s mates shout and jeer, joking about his new girlfriend. TWIST: Dan responds with a put-down of Wayne for setting Nat up, embarrassing and infuriating Wayne.
Mystery 3: Nat meets Beryl at the pub, who seems to want to warn Nat about Wayne but is reluctant to speak with Wayne glancing her way occasionally. Wayne calls time to go.
INCITING INCIDENT:
With shearing about to start, Wayne asks workers to sign employment contracts.
Mystery 4: Nat and fellow workers agree Wayne can be annoying and temperamental but is he dangerous?
Nat is on her dream working holiday of a lifetime down under and no one is going to stop her. Eager to start work, she signs the contract. Why is she so confident / blase?
TRUST Wayne throws hay to sheep from farm ute, driven slowly by Nat. Wayne yells stop, jumps down and cradles the dog Max as if injured.
DISTRUST Wayne laughs out loud at look of horror on Nat, who thought she’d driven over Max
Mystery 5: The Shearers union rep arrives on the station unannounced, Wayne and Bob argue about minimum wages. Bob warns he may boycott the station if Wayne doesn’t agree to his demands. Wayne orders Bob off the property.
Villains plan 5: A rainy day, too wet to work. Wayne invites Nat with him on an ocean fishing trip. Wayne gives the outboard full throttle, hits some big swell and almost tips the boat over. He gets seasick, heaves overboard, lies on deck useless.
Life Threatening 1: As the sea gets rougher, Nat demands they bail. He refuses, goes ballistic at her for not being seasick. He insists they keep fishing while they’re biting. TWIST Wayne falls off boat trying to land a tuna with boat keys in his pocket. Nat knows she has to save him.
Life Threatening 2: Later, sharks circle the boat. Wayne panics, tries to throw some burley overboard. Nat stops him. They argue. Nat takes control, knocks him out from behind, takes the wheel, powers back to shore. When Wayne comes to, he’s confused.
TRUST Wayne drives Nat to Bill’s 60th birthday party next door. Big night of drinking and arguing with Wayne, who insists he’s OK to drive home, tells Nat to get in, time to go.
DISTRUST Nat heads off on foot for long walk back to homestead, cross country.
Mystery 7: Nat discovers Lucy and Bella haven’t shown up for breakfast. Wayne claims they left in the night in a Taxi.
Mystery 6: It’s pay day.. Lead shearer Vinnie is not happy, he confronts Wayne, accusing him of underpaying the shearers. They argue, Vinnie walks out in disgust, leaving Wayne with 3 junior shearers to finish the job.
TWIST All the shearers walk out in protest with Vinnie. Furious Wayne decides to shear the remaining sheep himself, and now desperately needs Nat and Dan to stay to run the shed.
Villain’s plan 6: Determined not to let them leave, he offers a pay rise.
TURNING POINT 1:
Villains plan 7: Nat baths in homemade Hot Tub after a hard day’s work in the shearing shed. Wayne presumes to join her? She bales, Wayne feels jilted.
Villains plan 6: Nat awakes one morning to discover friendly Dan has packed up his bags and left without a word. TWIST Dan leaves on foot, but not before leaving a good bye note to Nat who doesnt find it til days later.
Life Threatening 3: She confronts Wayne, who is evasive. She persists. He says mind your own business. Nat is defiant.
Mystery 9: At the pub, Nat meets German girls who have heard about Nat and are desperate to warn her about Wayne. They tell how they fled his employ months earlier, after being forced to undress and wash cars for Wayne and sleazy mates. How the police arrive and catch them red handed. How they let them off with a warning.
Mystery 10: Nat meets Beryl at pub, for a second time, who finally tells Nat “you’ll be alright dear, but whatever you do … just don’t upset him”.
Villain’s plan 8: Wayne watches Nat and Beryl, he demands Nat leave with him now.
Life Threatening 3: Convinced she must go back for her passport, and that no one including the publican would help anyway, she gets in his car determinedly. Nat fears a confrontation. Wayne drives home in silence, faster and more reckless than ever.
Nat demands Wayne tell her what happened with the German girls. Is it true? Wayne is defensive.
Nat fears car crash.
MIDPOINT:
Mystery 11: Nat discovers a Union reps badge lying in a junk box in the wool shed. She recognises it from a recent visitor to the station to confront Wayne. Surely proof he is dangerous?
TRUST/DISTRUST When Wayne realises Nat has found evidence of foul-play, he can no longer trust that Nat will stick around
Life Threatening 3: Nat walks the property boundary, in the early morning, looking for a bus stop, an escape route of any kind.
She walks beside a quiet road. A few utes drive past, all men, some with dogs. A car and they guy gets out. waves her over.
It’s the farmer from next door, Bill, she walks up to him and shares her concerns about Wayne, asks him if he can take her to town to get a few things. Of course. She gets in but is taken back to Wayne’s station.
Life Threatening 4: Nat wakes at 2am to the sound of vehicles honking, spotlights flashing. Wayne’s gang of mates gather on the verandah outside Nat’s window, drinking and heckling her to come out and entertain them. Nat fears the worst. Wayne sits apart, wallowing in his power over Nat, over his mates, only calling them off when Nat passes out. She wakes. All is silent. Checks her clothing. All intact.
TURNING POINT 2:
Villains Plan 9 : Nat discovers friend Dan at the bottom of a dry well.
Mystery 12: Dan’s not responding to her yells and lies motionless. Is he unconscious or dead? She hears a faint groan, returns to homestead, finds Wayne passed out on whisky in front of the television.
Mystery 13: Nat sneaks out back door with water, food and medicine to Dan, now weak, starving and trembling cold. How will she get supplies to Dan? Can she get him out?
Life Threatening 5: Wayne wakes at midnight, suspects Nat is up to something. He goes to her room but she’s gone. He jumps in the ute and drives around the station searching with spotlight.
Mystery 14: When Wayne returns, Nat is asleep in her room. Why would she return to the house? Does she have a hidden weapon she plans to use? TWIST: is it Nat or pillows arranged to look like her sleeping? Nat gains more time to help Dan.
Life Threatening 6: Wayne leaves house early for town to buy supplies, Nat breaks into Wayne’s farm office, discovers piles of unpaid bills. She tries to hack wifi but can’t find the password. Finally discovers it written faintly under modem.
She connects, her phone goes ballistic with incoming messages. She tears up with relief. She gets a text message to her friend Charlotte in Sydney, begs her to call the KI police HQ. She does..
Life Threatening 7: Wayne returns to the house that night, pissed off. Nat stays calm, offers to cook Wayne’s favourite meal, sees her phone sticking out of her pocket and demands why she’s carrying it around? Just been taking pics of the dogs, here wanna see?
Villain’s plan 10: Villain gets call from local cop mate who says a woman in Sydney rang to say a worker is being held there against her will. What do I tell em mate?
Villain’s plan 11: Wayne tells cop he will deal with her. TWIST Wayne agrees to bring Nat to police station tomorrow, if thats what she wants..
Furious Wayne hangs up, confronts Nat, yeah i will take a look at those pictures.
Too late, I deleted them.
CLIMAX:
Life Threatening 8: Nat and Wayne are locked in a tense cat and mouse chase through the woodland near the homestead at night.
Exhausted and becoming paranoid, Wayne fumbles and steps into a cluster of his pig traps, set by Nat. The excitement of a trapped human sets the dogs barking. They snap and bite at Wayne, like he was a wild pig. He struggles but cant free himself.
Life Threatening 9: Nat subdues Wayne with homemade pepper spray and whisky from the ute. Douses him and threatens to light him if he doesn’t lie still, face down. She quickly grabs rifle from ute.
TWIST. Wayne’s neighbour shows up, sensing Wayne may be losing control and becoming dangerous. Nat sees him and makes a run into the woods.
Mystery 15: Dan recovers, staggers through hills, stumbles onto main road to town. Will he find help?
Life Threatening 10: New police women pulls up, desperate Dan jumps in while car still moving and tells her Nat’s in trouble, Wayne’s gonna kill her. They head to the woodlands and search on foot.
Faint sound of dogs barking. TWIST: They arrive to find neighbour has sided with Nat, still holding Wayne at gunpoint.
Wayne is freed from traps and arrested.
RESOLUTION:
Nat sets up a dedicated service to support migrant workers, backpackers and international travellers working in remote locations of the world.
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ASSIGNMENT 9
Brendan’s Kangaroo Island psych thriller, 3-act structure
This assignment showed me how to add twists to the existing plot to make it more interesting and unpredictable. It was difficult at first because i already had some twists but discovered i could add more. The creative process also helped me re-write a few scenes, making them stronger, even without adding a twist.
OPENING:
Adventurous US traveller, Nat, touches down on wild Kangaroo Island, meets her new boss, Aussie larrikin charmer, Wayne Hacken.
Villain’s plan 1: Wayne is charming as they chat on the long drive to his remote sheep station. Nat meets Dan and other migrant workers Lucy, Bella and Dan..
Mystery 1: Nat discovers no mobile service, no wifi, no communication with the outside world. TWIST The other workers are too poor to own phones. Wayne promises to take Nat to town to buy a sim card.
Villains plan 2: Nat lies alone in her bedroom exhausted, almost asleep. She hears footsteps that stop outside her door, hears a soft voice ask ‘Can you hear me?’ then silence. She freezes. Later, she hears soft whispering through the thin wall. Can…… You…… Hear ……Me?
Mystery 2: What the hell is he doing? trying to freak her out?
Villains plan 3: Wayne drives Nat and Dan on a rough dirt road to neighbours property to help with lamb marking (tail docking & castration). Nat discovers the neighbours are a lovely family who sing Wayne’s praises.
Villains plan 4: It’s hot driving home, Wayne stops at the local pub, invites Nat and Dan in for a cold beer.. Still wearing blood stained overalls, Nat reluctantly agrees. Inside, a group of Wayne’s mates shout and jeer, joking about his new girlfriend. TWIST: Dan responds with a put-down of Wayne for setting Nat up, embarrassing and infuriating Wayne.
Mystery 3: Nat meets Beryl at the pub, who seems to want to warn Nat about Wayne but is reluctant to speak with Wayne glancing her way occasionally. Wayne calls time to go.
INCITING INCIDENT:
With shearing about to start, Wayne asks workers to sign employment contracts.
Mystery 4: Nat and fellow workers agree Wayne can be annoying and temperamental but is he dangerous?
Nat is on her dream working holiday of a lifetime down under and no one is going to stop her. Eager to start work, she signs the contract. Why is she so confident / blase?
Mystery 5: The Shearers union rep arrives on the station unannounced, Wayne and Bob argue about minimum wages. Bob warns he may boycott the station if Wayne doesn’t agree to his demands. Wayne orders Bob off the property.
Villains plan 5: A rainy day, too wet to work. Wayne invites Nat with him on an ocean fishing trip. Wayne gives the outboard full throttle, hits some big swell and almost tips the boat over. He gets seasick, heaves overboard, lies on deck useless.
Life Threatening 1: As the sea gets rougher, Nat demands they bail. He refuses, goes ballistic at her for not being seasick. He insists they keep fishing while they’re biting. TWIST Wayne falls off boat trying to land a tuna with boat keys in his pocket. Nat knows she has to save him.
Life Threatening 2: Later, sharks circle the boat. Wayne panics, tries to throw some burley overboard. Nat stops him. They argue. Nat takes control, knocks him out from behind, takes the wheel, powers back to shore. When Wayne comes to, he’s confused.
Mystery 7: Nat discovers Lucy and Bella haven’t shown up for breakfast. Wayne claims they left in the night in a Taxi.
Mystery 6: It’s pay day.. Lead shearer Vinnie is not happy, he confronts Wayne, accusing him of underpaying the shearers. They argue, Vinnie walks out in disgust, leaving Wayne with 3 junior shearers to finish the job.
TWIST All the shearers walk out in protest with Vinnie. Furious Wayne decides to shear the remaining sheep himself, and now desperately needs Nat and Dan to stay.
Villain’s plan 6: Determined not to let them leave, he offers a pay rise.
TURNING POINT 1:
Villains plan 7: Nat baths in homemade Hot Tub after a hard day’s work in the shearing shed. Wayne presumes to join her? She bales, Wayne feels jilted.
Villains plan 6: Nat awakes one morning to discover friendly Dan has packed up his bags and left without a word.
Life Threatening 3: She confronts Wayne, who is evasive. She persists. He says mind your own business. Nat is defiant.
Mystery 9: At the pub, Nat meets German girls who have heard about Nat and are desperate to warn her about Wayne. They tell how they fled his employ months earlier, after being forced to undress and wash cars for Wayne and sleazy mates. Police arrive and catch them red handed. They let off with a stern warning.
Mystery 10: Nat meets Beryl at pub, for a second time, who finally tells Nat “you’ll be alright dear, but whatever you do … or don’t do … just don’t upset him”.
Villain’s plan 8: Wayne watches Nat and Beryl, he demands Nat leave with him now.
Life Threatening 3: Convinced she must go back for her passport, and that no one including the publican would help anyway, she gets in his car determinedly. Nat fears a confrontation. Wayne drives home in silence, faster and more reckless than ever.
Nat fears car crash.
MIDPOINT:
Mystery 11: Nat discovers a Union reps badge lying in a junk box in the wool shed. She recognises it from a recent visitor to the station to confront Wayne. Surely proof he is dangerous?
Life Threatening 3: Nat walks the property boundary, in the early morning, looking for an escape route. She walks beside a quiet road. A car approaches. It’s the nice farmer from next door, she walks to his car window and shares her concerns, asks him if he can take her to town to get something. Of course. She gets in but is taken back to Wayne’s station.
Life Threatening 4: Nat wakes at 2am to the sound of vehicles honking, spotlights flashing. Wayne’s gang of mates gather on the verandah outside Nat’s window, drinking and heckling her to come out and entertain them. Nat fears the worst. Wayne sits apart from mates, wallowing in his power over Nat, over his mates, only calling them off when Nat passes out. She wakes. All is silent. Checks her clothing. All intact.
TURNING POINT 2:
Villains Plan 9 : Nat discovers friend Dan at the bottom of a dry well.
Mystery 12: Dan’s not responding to her yells and lies motionless. Is he unconscious or dead? She hears a faint groan, returns to homestead, finds Wayne passed out on whisky in front of the television.
Mystery 13: Nat sneaks out back door with water, food and medicine to Dan out, now weak, starving and trembling with cold. How will she get supplies to Dan? Can she get him out?
Life Threatening 5: Wayne wakes at midnight, suspects Nat is up to something. He goes to her room but she’s gone. He jumps in the ute and drives around the station searching with spotlight.
Mystery 14: When Wayne returns, Nat is asleep in her room. Why would she return to the house? Does she have a hidden weapon she plans to use? TWIST: is it Nat or pillows arranged to look like her sleeping? Nat gains more time to help Dan.
Life Threatening 6: Wayne leaves house early for town to buy supplies, Nat breaks into Wayne’s farm office, discovers piles of unpaid bills. She tries to hack wifi but can’t find the password. Finally discovers it written faintly under modem.
She connects, her phone goes ballistic with incoming messages. She tears up with relief. She gets a text message to her friend Charlotte in Sydney, begs her to call the KI police HQ. She does..
Life Threatening 7: Wayne returns to the house that night, pissed off. Nat stays calm, offers to cook Wayne’s favourite meal, sees her phone sticking out of her pocket and demands why she’s carrying it around? Just been taking pics of the dogs, here wanna see?
Villain’s plan 10: Villain gets call from local cop mate who says a woman in Sydney rang to say a worker is being held there against her will. What do I tell em mate?
Villain’s plan 11: Wayne tells cop he will deal with her. TWIST Wayne agrees to bring Nat to police station tomorrow, if thats what she wants..
Furious Wayne hangs up, confronts Nat, yeah i will take a look at those pictures.
Too late, I deleted them.
CLIMAX:
Life Threatening 8: Nat and Wayne are locked in a tense cat and mouse chase through the woodland near the homestead at night.
Exhausted and becoming paranoid, Wayne fumbles and steps into a cluster of his pig traps, set by Nat. The excitement of a trapped human sets the dogs barking. They snap and bite at Wayne, like he was a wild pig. He struggles to free himself.
Life Threatening 9: Nat subdues Wayne with homemade pepper spray and whisky from the ute. Douses him and threatens to light him if he doesn’t lie still, face down. She grabs gun from ute and sits back, aims at Wayne.
TWIST. Wayne’s neighbour shows up, sensing Wayne may be losing control and becoming dangerous. Nat sees him approach and makes a run for the road with rifle.
Mystery 15: Dan recovers, staggers down a dirt road towards town. Will he find help?
Life Threatening 10: New police women pulls up, desperate Dan jumps in while car still moving and tells her Nat’s in trouble, Wayne’s gonna kill her. They head to the woodlands and search on foot.
Faint sound of dogs barking. TWIST: They arrive to find neighbour has sided with Nat, holding Wayne at gunpoint.
Wayne is arrested.
RESOLUTION:
Nat sets up a dedicated service to support migrant workers, backpackers and international travellers working in remote locations of the world.
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ASSIGNMENT 8
Brendan’s Kangaroo Island psych thriller, 3-act structure
What this model showed me / forced me to do was put MIS into every scene. And it helped me weave those three elements into a very rough story line. It forced me to cut dialogue out. And I found ways to add more of Nat’s frightening real life accounts into the thriller plan. Some actions are obvious / clunky and need much development but i feel the framework is there to create better scenes and story elements with more MIS.
OPENING:
Adventurous US traveller, Nat, touches down on wild Kangaroo Island, meets her new boss, Aussie larrikin charmer, Wayne. They chat on drive to his remote sheep station. Nat meets Dan and two other migrant workers.
Mystery 1: Nat discovers no mobile service, no wifi, no communication with the outside world. Wayne promises to take Nat to town to buy a sim card.
Villains plan 1: Nat lies alone in her bed exhausted, almost asleep. She hears footsteps that stop outside her bedroom door, hears a soft voice ask ‘Can you hear me?’ then silence. She freezes. Later, she hears soft whispering through thin wall. Can…… You…… Hear ……Me?
Mystery 1: What the hell is he doing? trying to freak her out?
Villains plan 2: Wayne drives Nat on a rough dirt road to neighbours property to help with lamb marking. Nat discovers the neighbours are a lovely family who sing Wayne’s praises.
Villains plan 3: Driving home, Wayne stops at the local pub, invites Nat to come in for a drink. Still complete with blood stained overalls, Nat reluctantly agrees. Inside, a group of Wayne’s mates shout and jeer, joking about his new girlfriend. Nat responds with a put-down of Wayne for setting her up, infuriating him.
Mystery 2: Nat meets Beryl at the pub, who seems to want to tell Nat something about Wayne but wont. Wayne is staring straight at her. Wayne calls time to go.
INCITING INCIDENT:
With shearing starting about to start, Wayne asks workers to sign employment contracts.
Mystery 3: Nat and fellow workers agree Wayne can be temperamental but is he dangerous?
Nat is on her dream working holiday of a lifetime down under and no one is going to stop her. Eager to start work, she signs the contract.
Mystery 4: The Shearers union rep arrives on the station unannounced, Wayne and Bob argue about minimum wages. Bob warns he may boycott the station if Wayne doesn’t agree to his demands. Wayne orders Bob off the property.
Villains plan 4: A rainy day, too wet to work. Wayne invites Nat with him on an ocean fishing trip. Wayne gives the outboard full throttle, hits some big swell and almost tips the boat over. He gets sea sick, heaves overboard, lies on deck useless.
Life Threatening 1: As sea gets rougher, Nat demands they bail. He refuses, goes ballistic at her for not being seasick. Another wave hits.
Life Threatening 2: Sharks circle the boat. Wayne panics, tries to throw burly overboard. Nat stops him. They argue. Nat takes control, knocks him out with oar, takes wheel, powers back to shore. When Wayne comes to, he’s confused, more humiliated.
Mystery 5: Halfway through the 4-week shearing job, Wayne pays wages. Lead shearer Vinnie is not happy, he confronts Wayne, accusing him of under paying. They argue, Vinnie walks out in disgust, leaving Wayne with 3 junior shearers to finish the job.
Wayne now determined nobody else will leave.
TURNING POINT 1:
Villains plan 5: Nat awakes one morning to discover friendly fellow worker Dan has packed up his bags and left without a word.
Life Threatening 3: She confronts Wayne, who is evasive. She persists. He says mind your own business. Nat is defiant.
Villains plan 6: Nat baths in homemade Hot Tub after hard week’s work in the shearing shed. Wayne presumes to join her? She bales, Wayne feels jilted.
Mystery 5: Nat discovers the other two migrant workers haven’t shown up for breakfast, just like with Dan.
Mystery 6: At the pub, Nat meets German girls who have heard about Nat and are desperate to warn her about Wayne. They tell how they fled his employ months earlier, after being forced to undress and wash cars for Wayne and sleazy mates. Police arrive and catch them red handed. Why are they let off with just a warning?
Mystery 7:Nat meets Beryl at pub, for a second time, who just tells Nat “you’ll be alright dear, just don’t upset him”.
Life Threatening 3: Wayne watches Nat and Beryl, he demands Nat come with him now. Convinced she must go back for her passport, and no one else will help anyway, she gets in his car trembling. Nat fears a confrontation. Wayne drives home in silence, faster and more reckless than ever.
Nat fears car crash.
MIDPOINT:
Mystery 7: Nat discovers a Union reps badge lying in a junk box in the wool shed. She recognises it from a recent visitor to the station to confront Wayne. Proof he is dangerous?
Life Threatening 3: Nat walks the property, in the early morning, hoping to find escape route. She walks the boundary fence, beside a quiet road. A car approaches. It’s the farmer from next door, she walks to his car window and shares her concerns, asks him if Wayne can really be trusted. Of course. Now hop in and I’ll give you a lift back, you’re a long way from home, you know. She gets in, pleads he take her to town. No joy. She’s taken back to the station.
Life Threatening 4: Nat wakes at 2am to the sound of vehicles honking, spotlights flashing. Wayne’s gang of mates gather on the verandah outside Nat’s window, drinking and heckling her to come out and entertain them. Nat fears the worst. Wayne sits apart from mates, wallowing in his power over Nat, over his mates, only calling them off when Nat passes out. She wakes. All is silent. Checks her clothing. All intact.
TURNING POINT 2:
Villains Plan : Nat discovers friend Dan at the bottom of a disused well.
Mystery 8: Dan’s not responding to her yells and lies motionless. Is he unconscious or dead? She calls out but no answer, returns to homestead, finds Wayne asleep in front of the television.
Mystery 9: Nat sneaks out back door with water, food and medicine to Dan out, now weak, starving and trembling with cold. How will she get supplies to Dan? Can she get him out?
Life Threatening 5: Wayne wakes in the night, suspects Nat is up to something behind his back. He goes to her room but she’s gone. Angry, he jumps in the ute and drives around the station searching with spotlight.
Mystery 10: When Wayne returns from search, Nat is asleep in her room. Why would she return to the house? Does she have a hidden weapon?
Life Threatening 6: Wayne leaves house early for town, Nat breaks into Wayne’s farm office, discovers piles of unpaid bills. She tries to hack wifi but can’t find the password. Finally discovers it written faintly under modem.
She connects, her phone goes ballistic with incoming messages. She tears up with relief. She gets a text message to her friend Charlotte in Sydney, begs her to call the KI police HQ.
Life Threatening 7: Wayne returns to the house, pissed off. Nat stays calm, offers to cook Wayne’s favourite meal, sees her phone sticking out of her pocket and demands why she’s carrying it around? Just been taking pics of the dogs, here wanna see?
Villain’s plan: Villain gets call from cop mate who says a woman in Sydney rang the local station to say a workers is being held there against her will. What do i do Wayne?
Wayne tells cop he will deal with her.
CLIMAX:
Life Threatening 8: Nat and Wayne are locked in a deadly cat and mouse chase through the woodland near the homestead at night.
Exhausted and paranoid, Wayne fumbles and falls into one of his wild pig traps, set by Nat. The excitement of a trapped mammal sets the dogs barking. They snap and bite at Wayne, like he was a trapped pig.
Life Threatening 9: Nat subdues Wayne with homemade pepper spray. Douses him with kerosine and threatens to light him if he does lie still, face down. She binds his hands with gaffer tape. Grabs gun from ute and sits back, aims at Wayne.
Mystery 11: Dan recovers, staggers down a dirt road towards town. Will he find help?
Life Threatening 10: New police women pulls up, Dan jumps in and tells her Nat’s in trouble. They head straight to the woodlands in search. Faint sound of dogs barking. They arrive to find Nat holding Wayne at bay. Dan runs to Nat. Hug.
Wayne is arrested.
RESOLUTION: The end of the journey in an emotionally satisfying way.
Nat sets up a dedicated service to support migrant workers, backpackers and international travellers working in remote locations of the world.
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ASSIGNMENT 7
Brendan’s Life Threatening Sequence:
What I learned doing this assignment was a better understanding of how my hero Nat will navigate her way through the villain’s plan, finding ways to upend it, throw him off-course and regain agency at every opportunity.
What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?
The Villains plan is to manipulate and control his migrant workers, instil fear to boost his ego and assert his power.
The Villain controls who his workers talk to, what they learn or not about his past. And he plans to control if/when they leave his remote island station and how they depart.
This plan endangers the hero Nat for many reasons;
a) Confident educated Nat believes that being upfront; honest talk is the best way to solve humanity’s problems. She has an inquiring mind, asks lots of tough questions.
b) Nat got married early, divorced, and gave up uni to nurse an over-bearing mum, with little support from siblings. In her late 20s, she’s simply not towing the line anymore, for anyone, especially not a bully.
c) Nat loves animals and quickly bonds with the working dogs on the station. Wayne will later exploit that bond, threatening animal cruelty to manipulate her.
d) Nat has older brothers and has learnt how to detect bullshit when she hears it and doesn’t mind calling it out, infuriating Wayne.
What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain? Sequence those dangers in order and make a list:
Sheer closeness of Nat to Wayne, workers sleep in adjacent dorm, with a broken lock, out on a remote sheep station
Without satellite service, there’s no wifi or means of communication with the outside world.
At the local pub, Nat is put in an awkward situation.
Rifles, hunting knives and other weapons hang in farm sheds and Wayne is moody and temperamental.
There’s no public transport, no street lights, nobody else out here
Nat is at real risk of getting hurt or killed if she’s caught trying to escape.
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ASSIGNMENT 6
Brendan’s Mystery Sequence
What I learned is that once you decide on the big secret that the Villian is covering up, that pretty much determines or influences almost every element of the story thereafter, Hero and Red Herring story lines included. I wasn’t expecting that and it has forced me to reconsider the entire premise of my thriller.
Create your mystery sequence. Give us the answer to these questions.
What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up? Villain killed his animal-loving wife to silence her after she discovered his illegal wildlife smuggling business, then secretly dumps her dismembered body at sea.
How many ways can he cover that secret? Those cover-ups become the mysteries.
A) Villain reports wife missing to local police saying she appears not to have returned from her regular evening beach swim while he was out fishing that day.
b) Villain pressures his footy mates to testify that he was on the deep sea fishing trip with them on the day his wife disappeared.
c) Villain pressures surfing mate to claim he saw wife swimming alone in wild surf at the time.
d) Senior detective and friend of the Villain, concludes wife’s death was accidental drowning and promptly closes the case.
e) Villain feigns grief and sadness for months after wife’s disappearance, convincing local townsfolk he is genuine.
The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it:
Mystery 1. Hero suspects something not right about moody Wayne, suspects he’s hiding the truth which she must discover before committing to 88 days of visa program for her own safety and peace of mind.
Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one. Include ONE Red Herring mystery if you can.
Mystery 2. How could a strong swimmer who swims daily at her local beach end up drowning accidentally and alone?
Mystery 3. Is Villian’s surfer mate telling the truth? if so, why didn’t the surfer stick around to make sure Hero was not swept away in such wild seas? (Red Herring, perhaps?)
Mystery 4. Can the Senior Detective, a known friend of Villian, be trusted especially in this tight-knit community?
Mystery 5. How can the entire local community be so easily convinced of Villian’s bona fides.
Create a Mystery Chain for each main mystery (What series of “mysterious” events make up each main mystery and how do those events cover the secret of the Villain?)
Mystery 1 (main mystery). Hero suspects something is not right about moody Wayne, suspects he’s hiding something dangerous which she must discover if she’s to feel safe for next 88 days of visa program.
When Villain learns the Hero is asking around about his ex-wife, he tries to isolate her from the locals.
When Hero asks about lack of wifi service, he promises to do trip to town for new Sim card but never delivers
When Hero goes out walking around the property, she is always tracked down and returned to farm house
Why are the locals so praiseworthy of Villian?
Mystery 5. How can the entire local community be so easily convinced of Villian’s bona fides.
What does Beryl (married to teacher) know about Villian?
Why wont Beryl tell Hero what she knows about Villian?
Why does Beryl start sobbing while asking about Hero’s wellbeing?
More work to do on other mystery chains.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Brendan Guerin.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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DAY 5 ASSIGNMENT
Brendan’s Villian has a Great Plan
What i learnt is that the villain needs to be a very complex character to provide enough material to create the mystery and intrigue needed for an unsettling, disturbing thriller ride for both hero and viewers.
What is the end goal? Manipulate Emma into becoming his compliant ‘new wife’ so he can restore his local reputation after ‘accidentally’ killing his first wife years earlier
How can Villain accomplish in a devious way? Use his charm and psychological games to get inside her head and control her decisions.Control who the hero talks to and prevent online access
How can they cover it up? Exploit his local influence and connections to execute his plan in secret.
Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.
* lure her under false pretences.
* convince her the lack of wifi is only temporary.
* exploit his popular former footy hero status to build trust
* volunteer (himself & hero) to help neighbours through busy shearing time to fein civic mindedness
* keep tight control over which locals she talks to.
* take her deep sea fishing in a tiny dingy to instil fear / show off his macho sailing prowess
* arrange for mates to turn up drunk & aggressive at 2am so he can be her ‘saviour’
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Assignment 2
Brendan’s SOTL Stacking Suspense
What i learned from this assignment was:
1. The key characters meet the thriller conventions; Hero Clarice, if not unknowing, is certainly inexperienced and vulnerable while also resourceful, brave and ambitious.
2. Villain Buffalo Bill is incredibly complex with deep inner mysteries of self that even he doesn’t fully understand it seems.
3. But the most fascinating character is Hannibal, so dangerous yet so insightful and potentially helpful in finding Buffalo Bill that he becomes a kind of guide/mentor to Hero. He clearly enjoys playing with her fear, but his real goal is seize this wonderfull opportunity to execute his escape plan and seek revenge on Dr Chiltern. His escape from prison was a massive escalation of his power, becoming a second Villian in the story, putting our Hero in even more danger.
4. Hanabils response to Meg’s masturbation scene was intriguing, a kind of jealous fury. How dare he treat Clarice that way, she’s Hanabel’s visitor, show some respect! He responds by giving Clarice a useful lead so she hopefully keeps coming back to him for him to play with. To demonstrate his power, he later gets inside Meg’s head and destroys him. That’s hectic, massively ramping up the danger and suspense. Is no one safe from Hannibal?
5. Dr Chiltern was well drawn as a Red Herring, displaying all the tendencies of a sociopath capable of evil. But it sounds like he had his just desserts coming so not a high stakes Red Herring.
6. In the opening scene, the signs on the trees were foreboding of the sinister world and dark themes of the story. Nice set up.
7. Great example of Suspense: Around scene 20, when Clarice shares her sad childhood to Hanabil, i began to fear how he would use that insight against her. Stakes: Her privacy, her mental health, her career, possibly friends and family.
8. Great example of Mystery: Hanabil’s simple act of stealing Chiltern’s pen immediately poses an ominous question? how is he going to use it and on who? Maybe that’s what he uses to pick the hand cuffs free? His use of classical music was a brilliant way to lull the Warden’s into a slightly less heightened state of precaution.
9. Great example of Intrigue: Hannibal skins the Warden to use his face as a disguise, amplifying how playful, smart and dangerous he is.
10. In summary, there was so much mystery, it was hard to write it all down within the boxes provided. Very thrilling and satisfying story
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Brendan Guerin’s BI Stacking suspense
1. This assignment gave me a deep insight into just how much suspense is baked into every scene of a great thriller. Not a moment is wasted.
2. Having watched this thriller now for the second time in a week (baring decades ago), i was amazed how much of the subtle detail i missed the first time around; eg how many misleading cues/signals Catherine sends to Nick. This led me to suspect for quite a while that she was most likely the villain, certainly not Beth.
3. I was also surprised to see how often Nick would take the opportunity to mimic Catherine, which i barely registered the first time around when i just let the story wash over me. No doubt it was probably working on a subconscious level.
4. At times, in the scene analysis, i felt that the mystery and intrigue were almost interchangeable which i guess doesn’t really matter, so long as there is MIS of some kind in every scene.
5. I found it interesting that the element of Intrigue appears in every scene bar 24 and even there, one could say “how alike Nick and Catherine?” is an element of intrigue as much as Mystery. Elements of Mystery and Suspense where perhaps used more judiciously, especially later in the film.
6. As for Red Herrings, i felt the characters of Catherine and Roxy had a double whammy effect in terms of sending viewers false cues and distracting us from thinking more deeply about other possible villains.
7. I found the model really inspiring and motivating, despite coming to the realisation that i need far more advanced skills in applying the Stacked Suspense model in thriller story development.
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ASSIGNMENT 3
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s hard to answer the MIS questions of hero and villain because I need to do more backstory development on both.
1. Remind us of your CONCEPT: An adventurous young American backpacker’s dream working holiday in Australia turns into a nightmare when her job on a remote island sheep station descends into a harrowing fight for sanity and survival
The Big M.I.S.:
Big Mystery: Will Wayne’s manipulative behaviour towards Emma descend into physical abuse?
Big Intrigue: What sinister act or crime has Wayne committed that everyone in the small town seems to know about – and why won’t anyone warn Emma about him?
Big Suspense: Will Emma tough out her 88 day contract or cut her losses and find a way to escape the island before losing her sanity?
2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story.
A lonely windswept sheep station located in the remote wild west of South Australia’s largest island where an insular community have always closed ranks to protect their own during difficult times.
3. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions:
HERO: Emma, an adventurous young American backpacker doing a working holiday program on a remote island sheep station
A. What is the mystery of this character? Why is Emma so trusting that she can’t see the escalating dangers of completing her visa program?
B. What is the suspense of this character? Will Emma escape before losing her sanity or worse?
C. What is the intrigue of this character? Emma reassures Wayne of her 88 day commitment but secretly explores possible escape options – just in case
VILLIAN: Wayne, a fifth generation wool producer, former local footy hero, sense of entitlement, bit rough around the edges but can turn on the Aussie larrikin charm at will
A. What is the mystery of this character? Who is Wayne and is he a genuine threat to Emma’s psychological and physical well being?
B. What is the suspense of this character? Will Wayne’s tormenting, manipulative behaviour send Emma crazy before she leaves the island?
C. What is the intrigue of this character? Wayne is ostensibly a successful grazier, coming from a fifth generation sheep family dynasty well-respected by locals, enabling him to profit from illegal wildlife smuggling, bully workers and silence critics
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ASSIGNMENT 2 – The Big MIS
What i learnt about doing this assignment is that psychological thrillers are challenging to write and visualise because of their cerebral nature.
Psych thriller feature: Kangaroo Island (inspired by true events)
Logline: An adventurous young American backpacker’s dream working holiday in Australia turns into a nightmare when her job on a remote island sheep station descends into a harrowing fight for sanity and survival
2. What are the conventions of the story?
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Emma is a stoic, well-travelled young HR manager with IT skills, physically strong, loves animals and is not afraid of new experiences. Growing up in a large family with older brothers, she’s confident she can ‘read’ men well and retain agency over her life no matter the circumstances.
Dangerous Villain: Wayne is a manipulative farm manager who uses Gumtree to lue backpackers to work on his remote island sheep station. He knows exactly how to humiliate and psychologically abuse migrant workers, especially women, without ever breaking the law. The local police are aware of his cruel behaviour but because he hasn’t physically touched anyone (yet), they can’t charge him with a crime.
High stakes: Switching between charming country gentleman and drunken, manipulative misogynist, Emma increasingly fears for her sanity and survival. If she’s murdered out here, would she ever be found?
Life and death situations: As the sole farm worker, with no phone, no wifi and no way of leaving the island without Wayne’s permission, Emma fears for her life every time Wayne gets drunk, angry, frustrated and verbally abusive.
This movie is thrilling because? The more Emma comes to realise the danger she is in, the harder it becomes to break free of Wayne’s manipulative and controlling behavior.
3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?
Big Mystery: Will Wayne’s psychological abuse of Emma eventually descend into physical abuse?
Big Intrigue: What sinister act or crime has Wayne committed that everyone in the small town seems to know about – and why won’t anyone tell Emma?
Big Suspense: Will Emma complete her 88 day visa program or will she find a way to leave the island before losing her sanity or worse?
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I watched THE FUGITIVE (1993) written by Jeb Stuart and David Twohy.
What I learned doing this assignment is that every scene must work in a way that efficiently advances the story line, while ticking as many of the genre conventions as possible without seeming contrived or forced. On reflection, I believe it’s still one of the best thriller movies ever written and produced.
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: It goes without saying that respected surgeon Dr Richard Trimble is a smart, resourceful hero who manages to keep one step ahead of antagonistic forces. But he’s also unwitting and unsuspecting; an inherently kind, caring professional, the flips side of which he is maybe too trusting of his supposed friends and colleagues in the respectable, upstanding medical profession.
Dangerous Villain: The villain, Dr Charles Nichols, employed by Devlin McGregor Pharmaceuticals, is equally smart, successfully orchestrating the murder of the hero’s wife Helen, in a way that clearly incriminates the hero, with proof to the contrary almost impossible to obtain, at least until the resourceful hero makes it his mission. In the meantime, the villain cleverly harnesses the law, and authorities who uphold it, to do whatever it takes to make life difficult for the hero until he an be apprehended, again.
High stakes: Something dangerous is happening or about to happen in almost every scene. After the bus crash and hero’s decision to escape, itself a high stakes gamble, the hero is at an unfair advantage. His decision to return to hospital, now crawling with cops, to treat his bullet wound. The ambulance vs helicopter chase afterwards. Breaking into the prosthetics department even with staff on high alert for his likely presence. Meeting the suspect killer in jail right under the nose of the law. Personally confronting the villain as he addresses investors, publicly accusing him of falsifying results.
Life and death situations: The hero decides to jump into a waterfall in a desperate bid to escape police apprehension and certain re-incarceration.
This movie is thrilling because every scene is tense and full of jeopardy, steadily driving the story to a surprising, relieving & satisfying conclusion.
Big Mystery: Who really killed Dr Trimble’s wife Helen?
Big Intrigue: Charles Nicolls and accomplices have for years been manipulating research trials data for commercial gain, quietly disposing of anyone who might get in their way, relying on the laziness of local police to stay undetected.
Big Suspense: Will Dr Trimble survive to uncover enough evidence to convict the killer and associates?
4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller? Yes, there’s a plot twist towards the end when police are told to bring Trimble in dead or alive. You feel all is lost but then several minutes later, hope is restored when police change orders to bring him in alive.
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Hello everyone
I’m Brendan Guerin, an independent producer in Melbourne with a background in short dramas and docos. I’ve never written a feature screenplay but have pitched a few thrillers at film markets to keen interest. Through this course, I hope to better understand the art and process of genre writing, particularly in team environ, and become a more effective collaborator/contributor in the story development and writing process. Weird fact? Maybe that I’m a farmer turned film producer.
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I, Brendan J Guerin, As a member of this group, agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.