Brian Bays
Forum Replies Created
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— ASSIGNMENT 1:
LOST Engaging Main Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is… I definitely had to remind myself to stop, rewind and see what was going on instead of just getting carried away by the drama. Lost made FLASHBACKS cool again.
1. Tell us the journey of your show.
– Stranded to trying to get off the island (be rescued) and/or making their lives comfortable and peaceful while they wait for rescue.
2. Who are the main characters that will sell your show?
Jack and Kate
3. Answer these questions for each of those characters.
JACK:
A. Role in the show:
– An alcoholic surgeon who’s stranded on a crazy island.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
– He’s a surgeon (doctor). He’s helpful. He saves lives and is a natural leader.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
– He has his own issues. He’s not the angel he appears.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
– Are they telling everyone the truth? Secret about the distress signal that’s been playing for 16 years. Jack will not put the Marshal out of his misery. It’s against his oath.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
– Not sure about this one… Jack is pretty consistent.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
– Jack helps everyone. He seems completely selfless. Other than his drinking does anything look off about Jack so far.
— ASSIGNMENT 2:
Brian’s Engaging Main Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is… Lots of great breakthroughs at this point. My story really opened up. Also, the AI generated stuff was pretty good this time. I still need to combine them, but I’ll post both.
1. Tell us the journey of your show.
Detective Pitts and 100 other commuters are cloned in a teleportation glitch. All kinds of questions are raised when they learn what happened and they must learn to navigate this new life with their clones. Who’s bank account is it? Who has insurance? Who is the wife married to?
2. Who are the main characters that will sell your show?
Detective Pitts (Unique Role: Detective and Survivor) – The reluctant hero that we live through as he goes on the journey. His marriage is on the rocks because of an infidelity and he is on his way to pick up his kids when the incident happens. He’s obviously late to get the kids and knows he’s in hot water.
Detective Pitts’ Wife – She is pissed at her husband for the infidelity and totally confused with now having 2 cheating husbands.
Detective Pitts’ Clone – He doesn’t know about the incident. He just wants to make things right with his wife and not lose his kids. He wants the real Pitts and the other originals dead.
CHARACTER 1: DETECTIVE PITTS
A. Role in the show:
– The reluctant hero that we live through as he goes on the journey. He’s been cloned and his clone has taken over his life.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
– He’s a detective so his expertise should help to figure out what the hell happened, why, and the implications moving forward.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
– He’s married, has been unfaithful to his wife, a lot, and has an alcohol problem. He hits on the GIRL after the glitch. We are rooting for them to be together, before we know he married.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
– Cheating on his wife. Seducing other women.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
– Wants to kill his clone. Wants his clone to take his wife so he doesn’t have to deal with her shit. How do you have a step dad that is biologically yours? Heart to heart with the clone and feels the same way except he didn’t go through the “glitch”.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
– He’s just a normal guy who was cloned and now has to deal with this shit.
Maybe this glitch is not the first time it has happened?!?! The other times were just covered up better and didn’t involve Detective Pitts.
They fall through on top of each other. Survivors unite with the Subways helpers. Subway helpers keep them away from the phones. Away from the exits. These people are going to be killed, but they don’t know it. Pitts wants to go after the bad guys. GIRL makes Pitts take a chill pill and think about escape first. He obliges. They escape. They can’t go to the cops. They decide to just go home. Find their clones living their lives as nothing happened.
CHARACTER 2: PITTS’ WIFE
A. Role in the show:
– Wife of Pitts. Person who decides who is the real Pitts? Who should she love? What to do?
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
– What is her job that could help or complicate things?
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
– Maybe she had an affair as well.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
– Kill people? Who is the real person? Who has the right to live and who gets to decide?
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
– Think about this later.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
– She’s been hurt, but she has the ability to love again.
CHARACTER 3: PITTS’ CLONE
A. Role in the show:
– Pitts’ clone. This is Pitts who was not affected by the Glitch! A copy of Pitts got loose and was seen somewhere? Who has the rights? They study the law. They find out people are not being transported. They are being copied, deleted, and pasted.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
– He’s a detective so his expertise should help to figure out what the hell happened, why, and the implications moving forward.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
– He still cheats on his wife? Something that comes out MUCH later.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
– Same as Pitts: Cheating on his wife. Seducing other women. Also, starts to feel lesser because he technically IS a clone. Pitts is the real deal. The OG!
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
– He’ll fight back! Clone seems to be reasonable.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
– As with all – they are just going about their lives. And this “thing” happened and they suddenly had a twin. WTF??
AI CREATED:
Detective Pitts
A. Role in the show: Protagonist, Survivor, and Detective
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: As a detective, he has investigative skills that make him the key figure in unraveling the mystery behind the teleportation glitch. He’s also a survivor of the incident, providing firsthand insight into what happened.
C. Intrigue: Beneath the surface, Detective Pitts is struggling with guilt over his infidelity, which he fears will cost him his marriage and relationship with his kids. He’s also haunted by the fear that his clone may take over his life.
D. Moral Issue: Detective Pitts is torn between the moral dilemma of maintaining honesty with his wife about his infidelity or concealing it to salvage their relationship. He’s also conflicted about the potential threat his clone poses to his own existence.
E. Unpredictable: Detective Pitts is unpredictable in his actions as he deals with the emotional fallout of the glitch. His choices could be influenced by his desperation to save his family and career.
F. Empathetic: We care about Detective Pitts because we empathize
with his complex situation. He’s a flawed character struggling to make amends and protect his family while solving a mystery that affects many lives.
Detective Pitts’ Wife
A. Role in the show: Key character and central to Detective Pitts’ personal drama
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: She plays a central role in the personal drama of the series, trying to understand her husband’s infidelity and the appearance of his clone. She represents the emotional core of the story.
C. Intrigue: Beneath the surface, Detective Pitts’ wife is torn between anger and confusion. She’s also grappling with her own secret concerns and vulnerabilities that are revealed as the series progresses.
D. Moral Issue: She faces the moral dilemma of whether to forgive her husband for his infidelity and how to navigate her evolving feelings toward both her husband and his clone.
E. Unpredictable: Detective Pitts’ wife is unpredictable in her emotional responses to the situation. Her decisions regarding her marriage and family are uncertain, keeping the audience engaged.
F. Empathetic: We care about her because she represents the collateral damage of the teleportation glitch, and her emotional
journey is relatable as she faces betrayal and uncertainty in her marriage.
Detective Pitts’ Clone
A. Role in the show: Antagonist and rival to the original Detective Pitts
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: He is an unknowing clone, determined to make things right with his wife and not lose his kids. He serves as a source of conflict and tension in the story.
C. Intrigue: Beneath the surface, Detective Pitts’ clone is unaware of the glitch and believes himself to be the real Pitts. He is driven by a sincere desire to protect his family, which adds complexity to his character.
D. Moral Issue: The clone is crossing moral boundaries as he unknowingly competes with the original Detective Pitts for the same life and family, unaware that he’s a duplicate.
E. Unpredictable: The clone’s actions are unpredictable as he fights to maintain his perceived life. He might resort to desperate measures when he realizes the truth about his existence.
F. Empathetic: We care about the clone because he’s essentially an innocent party in this complicated situation, striving to keep the life he believes to be his own. His journey raises questions about identity and morality.
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Brian’s Three Circles of Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is… AI didn’t do as good a job with my characters that I was expecting. I tried numerous times and different variations of the prompt, but none really worked well. I also created my own characters, and put the prompt in, but it, of course, came up with totally new characters. We almost need a new prompt if you want to use some of your own characters and have AI expand on those characters and create others for them to react to. I guess we’ll see how Lesson 3 goes.
Concept = In the not-so-distant future, teleportation has transformed the way people travel, making traditional subway systems obsolete. However, a glitch in one of the teleportation hubs sends 100 commuters falling on top of each other onto the abandoned subway tracks below. Most are injured, some are dead. Once they get untangled and get home they find their identical clones had been teleported to their intended destinations and went on about their day having no idea about the glitch.
A. Main Characters Circle:
Detective Pitts (Unique Role: Detective and Survivor) – His marriage is on the rocks because of an infidelity and he is on his way to pick up his kids when the incident happens.
Detective Pitts’ Wife – She is pissed at her husband for the infidelity and totally confused with now having 2 cheating husbands.
Detective Pitts’ Clone – He doesn’t know about the incident. He just wants to make things right with his wife and not lose his kids. He wants the real Pitts and the other originals dead.
Sarah Mitchell (Unique Role: EMT and Survivor) – As an EMT who is injured in the teleportation incident, Sarah is determined to help her fellow commuters and navigate the challenges of a world now inhabited by their clones. She faces a personal crisis when her clone takes over her life. She’s also a love interest for Detective Pitts who’s relationship is on the rocks.
Dr. Richard Stanton (Unique Role: Teleportation Engineer) – Dr. Stanton is a brilliant scientist who is known for developing the teleportation technology. He’s determined to uncover the cause of the catastrophic glitch and its implications for humanity. – He also wants to kill the originals to cover up the glitch.
Keller – He was Dr. Stanton’s partner and the real creator of the teleportation technology. He hacked the system and caused the glitch to expose Dr. Stanton for ruining his career and taking credit for the teleportation technology.
B. Connected Circle:
Detective Pitts’ Kids
Detective Pitts’ Boss
Journalist uncovering the story about the glitch.
The other Originals who fell in the “glitch” and have to deal with their clones taking over their lives.
The other Clones who made it through the other side and have no idea about the Originals.
Head of security who is told to hold the originals and eventually kill them to cover up the glitch.
Government Official who has to deal with what to do about the Originals and Clones.
C. Environment Circle:
Teleportation workers (TSA) who help the victims of “The Glitch”.
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— BRIAN’S ASSIGNMENT 1
LOST – Three Circles of Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is… again, LOTS of characters. Any one could step up. Jack and Kate are still at the top, but Sawyer and Sayid have come to the forefront in this episode.
A. Main Characters Circle:
Jack – He’s a surgeon with alcohol problems, but he helps everyone.
Kate – A scared runner. Steps up and wants to help. She was the prisoner in handcuffs with a US Marshall (guy with shrapnel) and freed herself. What did she do?
Sawyer – He’s a jerk (racist), hot head, with issues (has a letter), but decides to join the group. He fights with Sayid. He found a gun and shoots a polar bear. He’s not scared. Calls everyone nicknames.
Sayid – smart, technical, was a Military Communications Officer in the Gulf war, for the Republican Guard. The other side.
B. Connected Circle:
Charlie – Steps up and wants to help. Former rockstar – holding onto the past “we’re still together”. “We’re making a comeback”. He’s a heroin junkie who hid his stash in the bathroom near the cockpit.
Claire – a young pregnant girl, eats Jin’s food and the baby moves.
Hurley – comic relief
Boone – tries to help, but not always successful. Fights with his sister.
Shannon – a spoiled brat, knows French from partying in Europe, but helps translates the French woman’s message.
Locke – a mystery – seems to enjoy being there. He has a secret! He tells Walt, but we don’t know. Creepy!?
Walt – Some kid looking for his dog (Vincent), found a spanish comic about a polar bear, then a polar bear arrives. Coincidence?
Michael – a father, wants to protect his kid.
Sun – Korean wife that does what her husband says, but doesn’t like it.
Jin – Korean husband that’s looking after his wife and no one else. Wary of others. Doesn’t want to interact with anyone, but then he gets food (sea urchin) and tries to feed others. Language barrier.
Rose – voice of wisdom? – Not in Episode 2.
C. Environment Circle:
Injured guy – US Marshall – Kate was in his custody. He wakes up during his operation and wants to know where “she” is.
Pilot – dead in Episode 1 by the “monster”.
Other passengers.
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LOST 5 Star Model
What I learned doing this assignment is… there are a LOT of characters in the LOST pilot, but it’s clearly Jack’s story. He’s the first person we see and who we experience everything through. He takes charge. Kate is second. She has the 2nd most screen time and helps Jack. Charlie is third, so far (just because he goes on the trip with Jack and Kate). We don’t know a whole lot about the rest. Any of them could potentially come to the forefront.
-1. Big Picture Hooks — Ask this: What is the big hook of this show?
— Plane crash on a crazy island with some kind of monster. They are lost and 1000 miles from where rescuers are looking. Gilligan’s Island.
-2. Amazing and Intriguing Character — Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?
Jack – He’s a surgeon with alcohol problems, who is injured, but takes charge and helps everyone else before helping himself.
Kate – A scared runner. Steps up and wants to help.
Charlie – Steps up and wants to help (or does he have ulterior motives?). Former rockstar – holding onto the past “we’re still together”. “We’re making a comeback”. What’s his deal? Why did he disappear into the bathroom while exploring the cockpit? He wants to leave Jack after Jack saved him.
-3. Empathy / Distress — Ask this: What situations causes us to feel both empathy and distress for these characters?
They have ALL been through a traumatic incident (plane crash), and the rescuers think they are a 1000 miles away. All hope is LOST.
Jack is injured (how?), but helps everyone.
Jack placates Boone. He’s trying.
Jack can’t sew up his would himself, enlists Kate’s help. Calms her nerves. Terror. Kate’s not running now.
Monsters on the island?
Kate takes boots off a dead woman.
Cockpit is in a tree, but they go in anyway.
Pilot is alive and tells them the rescuers are looking in the wrong place.
Pilot is eaten by monster. Why take the pilot?
Kate terrified! Uses Jack’s advice and counts to five.
-4. Layers / Open Loops — Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?
Where are they? What’s up with this island?
How will they survive?
Will they be rescued?
What’s up with Kate and the injured guy?
What’s up with the dog watching them, but staying away?
Why did they go off course? Why did the radio go out?
Where is the other half of the plane? Are there other survivors? Where is Rose’s husband? Is he dead?
What is the monster in the forest?
What is Charlie doing in the airplane bathroom? He was being chased by the Flight Attendant in the Flashback.
How does something like that happen? (Charlie talking about the pilot in the tree.)
-5. Inviting Obsession — Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?
Are they going to get off the island?
What is going to happen to them?
Will the monster get them?
Will they find the other half of the plane?
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1. Name: Brian Bays
2. How many scripts you’ve written?: I’ve written twelve feature scripts and one pilot.
3. What you hope to get out of the class?: I’ve gotten feedback that my feature scripts may be “too complex”, so I hope to figure out how to have AI help me write more Bingeworthy TV so my “extra characters” can have a life.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you?: I play guitar in a Rock ‘n Roll cover band with my two sons (19 and 17) on piano and drums.
5. I was in MSC 15 and 16, ProSeries 27, Bingeworthy? (2018/2019), and lots and lots of other classes.
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I, Brian Bays, agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Brian’s Outline
Exchange 1Anyone with a Thriller ready to exchange?
Title: “HEAD GAMES”
Written by: Brian Bays
Email address: brianbays@hotmail.com
Genre: Supernatural Thriller
Concept: A reclusive, young psychic is forced to team up with a skeptical detective to stop a killer, not knowing that the killer is possessed by an evil spirit who needs the psychic’s head to escape Purgatory.
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Brian’s Character Story Lines
What I learned doing this assignment is… this is an amazing way to make sure each character gets their full story out. I was worried because my Protagonist (Julia) is trying to avoid doing anything in the 2nd act, but the Antagonist (Simon) and Triangle Character (Sara) have all kinds of things going on. Hopefully Julia won’t be too missed too much.
*** Remember, the purpose here is to serve the overall story that is a Transformational Journey for your Protagonist. So each character story line will serve that goal in some way.
CHARACTER 1: SIMON – like VENOM with a host?
Beginning: Where does the character start? – He’s in Purgatory waiting for someone he can possess.
Inciting Incident: What propels them onto the journey? – He possesses Keller.
Turning Point: What twist locks them into a conflict? – He uses Keller to kill a child. He’s fucked from here.
Midpoint: What twist changes the meaning of the conflict? – He kills Stephan, Monica, fights with Sara. Realizes he knows Sara!! He knows Mom! He wants Julia!
Turning Point 2: What twist takes them to the biggest conflict? – He kidnaps Bryce to get to Julia.
Dilemma: What are the two equally unacceptable choices and how are they forced to make the decision? – Bryce or Julia?
Major Conflict: What is the ultimate experience of their conflict? –
Ending: How has their world changed? – Simon has escaped Purgatory and living permanently inside of Keller, but he’s in prison for the rest of his life.
CHARACTER 2: SARA
Beginning: Where does the character start? – Skeptical Detective assigned a missing child case. She doesn’t believe the psychic and thinks he is just stringing them along.
Inciting Incident: What propels them onto the journey? – They find the body of the missing child. The child is missing his head.
Turning Point: What twist locks them into a conflict? – Stephan is murdered and HIS head is stolen. Shit got real.
Midpoint: What twist changes the meaning of the conflict? – It’s not an ordinary killer. This guy is possessed by an evil spirit and she’s dealt with him before.
Turning Point 2: What twist takes them to the biggest conflict? – Her “son” Bryce is kidnapped.
Dilemma: What are the two equally unacceptable choices and how are they forced to make the decision? – Bryce or Julia?
Major Conflict: What is the ultimate experience of their conflict? – Sara vs. the world? Has to prove herself over and over.
Ending: How has their world changed? – Sara accepts her psychic side and works with dead Julia.
CHARACTER 3: MOM
Beginning: Where does the character start? – Being a pain to Julia. HIDDEN – Working with Simon to get out of Purgatory.
Inciting Incident: What propels them onto the journey? – Julia sees the dead kid.
Turning Point: What twist locks them into a conflict? – Julia shows Stephan.
Midpoint: What twist changes the meaning of the conflict? – Mom is dead and knows Simon!!
Turning Point 2: What twist takes them to the biggest conflict? – Julia knows Mom is working against her.
Dilemma: What are the two equally unacceptable choices and how are they forced to make the decision? – Julia or Simon? In the end Mom sees Simon’s true colors so the choice is easy.
Major Conflict: What is the ultimate experience of their conflict? – Mom suffocates Simon’s body.
Ending: How has their world changed? – What happens to Mom? Don’t know. Hell? Heaven?
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Brian’s Character Profiles
What I learned doing this assignment is… I love how our character profiles keep getting shorter and shorter. I also love going back and seeing how the characters have changed. I still need to work on the 3-4 traits to fine tune them a little more, but that just may be wordsmithing.
• Title: HEAD GAMES
• Genre: Supernatural Thriller
• Concept: A reclusive, young psychic is forced to team up with a skeptical detective to stop a killer who is targeting psychics, not knowing that the killer is possessed by an evil spirit who needs the psychic heads to escape the Underworld/Afterlife/Purgatory forever.
A. Name: JULIA
B. Role in the Story: What is the role and how does this character fulfill that role?
– Young Psychic recluse with access to the other side, she’s tuned into the killer somehow. How? From her mom!!
C. Core Traits: Three or four main characteristics that make up how this character makes decisions, takes action, and expresses themselves.
– demure, tough, naive, germaphobe?
D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want = their goal. Need = an internal requirement for them to be okay.
– Wants to lead a normal life/catch the killer, Needs to be loved.
E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = the internal part that sabotages them. Wound = The traumatic experience from their past that haunts them.
– Flaw: She lets her mom/others dictate her life/tell her what to do.
– Wound: She used her powers when she was young and was ridiculed. It was bad. (Carrie?) Shit went down. That’s how the cops find her?
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = Something they keep hidden or concealed from others that impacts the story. Hidden Agenda = a covert plan that affects others without their knowledge.
– Secret – She’s psychic and knows her mom is dead, but treats her like she’s alive (Sicth Sense?).
– Hidden Agenda – In the end, she plans to trade herself for Bryce whether Sara likes it or not.
G. Internal Dilemma: Two opposite values that are opposed to each other, like being powerful versus being loved.
– Keeping her abilities a secret vs. sharing with the world (helping Sara).
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? How does this character fit the concept, drive the conflict, and/or fulfill a major need in the story?
– She does everything for the story. It couldn’t be anyone else. She sees the killer, and she’s needed to stop him.
A. Name: DETECTIVE SARA(H) ANDREWS
B. Role in the Story: What is the role and how does this character fulfill that role?
– Detective investigating the psychic murders and she has a connection with Julia and Simon.
C. Core Traits: Three or four main characteristics that make up how this character makes decisions, takes action, and expresses themselves.
– crass, no nonsense, unfriendly, empathetic, self deprecating, asexual. Manipulative?
D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want = their goal. Need = an internal requirement for them to be okay.
– Wants to solve the murders and be a good detective, Needs forgiveness, resolution, to forgive herself.
E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = the internal part that sabotages them. Wound = The traumatic experience from their past that haunts them.
– Flaw – Won’t let anyone in. No friends (except for Pitts?). Manipulative?
– Wound – Her past. She has a dead ex-wife and a son (BRYCE) she doesn’t know. Not her real kid. None of her DNA. She’s ashamed and guilt ridden she gave up Bryce even though she knows it was for the best.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = Something they keep hidden or concealed from others that impacts the story. Hidden Agenda = a covert plan that affects others without their knowledge.
– Secret – She is a little psychic, but she hides it with alcohol.
– Hidden Agenda – No hidden agenda? Keep the psychic powers at bay? Hand Julia over to Simon to save Bryce?
G. Internal Dilemma: Two opposite values that are opposed to each other, like being powerful versus being loved.
– Being a cop versus being a mother. No way to do both. Give up Julia to save Bryce?
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? How does this character fit the concept, drive the conflict, and/or fulfill a major need in the story?
– She has the best record on the team for solving cases. They call it women’s intuition which insults her, but she has a bit of a psychic streak herself that she dulls with alcohol and vehemently denies.
A. Name: SIMON
B. Role in the Story: What is the role and how does this character fulfill that role?
– Spirit trying to break out of purgatory.
C. Core Traits: Three or four main characteristics that make up how this character makes decisions, takes action, and expresses themselves.
– ruthless, no conscious, psychotic, angry, deceitful, egotistical
D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want = their goal. Need = an internal requirement for them to be okay.
– Wants psychic brain fluid (pineal glands), Needs to get out of Purgatory,
E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = the internal part that sabotages them. Wound = The traumatic experience from their past that haunts them.
– Flaw: So full of himself he doesn’t think anyone will cross him.
– Wound: He almost escaped, but Sara killed his previous body. Too much coincidence?
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = Something they keep hidden or concealed from others that impacts the story. Hidden Agenda = a covert plan that affects others without their knowledge.
– Secret – He has found a way out of Purgatory and to live again.
– Hidden Agenda: Kill psychics and steal their heads. They find the boy’s head dissected.
G. Internal Dilemma: Two opposite values that are opposed to each other, like being powerful versus being loved.
– No dilemma – he’s just bad.
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? How does this character fit the concept, drive the conflict, and/or fulfill a major need in the story?
– Perfect bad guy. From the THRILLER CONVENTIONS: He’s dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy anyone who gets in their way.
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Brian’s Genre Conventions
What I learned doing this assignment is… again, I had these conventions when I wrote this script, so I just had to make sure I was actually following them. Still plenty of room to amp things up.
• Title: HEAD GAMES
• Genre: Supernatural Thriller
• Concept: A reclusive, young psychic is forced to team up with a skeptical detective to stop a killer who is targeting psychics, not knowing that the killer is possessed by an evil spirit who needs the psychic heads to escape the Underworld/Afterlife/Purgatory forever.
CONVENTIONS OF THRILLERS:
· Purpose: Thrilling high stakes, plot twists, suspense, and adrenaline packed climax.
· Life and Death Situations: Danger at every step – physical, emotional, or mentally. Hero in danger or implication of future danger.
· Mystery/Intrigue/Suspense: A mystery must be solved to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s plan. Suspense comes from the danger to the Hero.
· Hero: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful.
· Villain: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy anyone who gets in their way.
· Main Emotions: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation, uncertainty, surprise.
UPDATED 4-ACT:
Act 1: Making Contact
• Opening – ANTGONIST – Mystery/Intrigue – KELLER, a loser, drug addict OD’s and appears to die, until SIMON, in a strange place, with some strange equipment, somehow brings him back to life and takes over his body. What? Why? How? HIDDEN – This is step one of Keller’s plan to escape the afterlife – Again, how?
• Opening 2 – PROTAGONIST – JULIA, a recluse, living with her domineering MOM. Julia has some kind of psychic powers and sees a murder committed by Keller. Julia has to do something, but Mom doesn’t want her using her powers or letting anyone know about them (Carrie?). They will lock her up if they know. HIDDEN – Under the surface – Mom is a ghost that haunts/visits psychic Julia (Sixth Sense?).
• Inciting Incident – Julia shares her vision with a TV psychic (STEPHAN). She shows him a boy being kidnapped and murdered by Keller/Simon. Julia’s Mom is pissed. Why? HIDDEN – Mom knows Simon and knows about the murder. Is she trying to protect Julia or get her killed?
Stephan and skeptical, Detective SARA find the dead boy buried in a shallow grave. His head is missing.
• Turning Point 1 – Stephan is murdered by Keller/Simon and his head is taken.
Act 2: Should’ve listened to Mom
• New plan – Julia is freaked out. Lay low. Keep powers hidden. Refuse the call.
• Plan in action – Stay away from the cops, but they come to her. They know she talked to Stephan. Do they think she had something to do with the murder? She knows something.
• Midpoint Turning Point – Julia taken into protective custody against her will, plus REVEAL – MOM is dead — She knows Simon and they both live in the afterlife!! SURPRISE!!
Act 3: Catch the killer and save the kid.
• Rethink everything – Julia is out of her element. She wears earbuds and listens to music to block out everyone’s thoughts. What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? The killer knows Julia and he is coming for her.
• New plan – Julia comes clean, but nobody believes her. They think she’s crazy. Her Mom has been dead for 10 years.
• Julia proves she’s psychic and sees Sara’s son, BRYCE, being kidnapped (future). – old ways challenged. Police procedure – Sara’s training says she should do it by the book.
• New plan – Julia tries to work with Mom and Sara to catch the killer and save Bryce. With that, they embrace the need to change. What is the plan? Sara tries to get Mom to find out who has the kid. Mom acts like she doesn’t know anything. Gets caught. She won’t give it up.
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Julia finds out mom has been deceiving her and helping Simon! Simon has promised to get her out as well (but he’s lying). Julia is devastated. Lowest of the lows. Everything has failed.
Act 4: Sacrifice
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Julia sacrifices herself to save Bryce. She realizes her life has been a waste so she agrees to go with Simon if he let’s Bryce go. Sara pleads there has to be another way, but she lets Julia go. They fight back at the last minute. Mom helps from the other side. She suffocates Simon’s body, so he’s stuck in Keller. Mom takes over Keller’s body to help Sara defeat him.
• Resolution 1 – Simon does escape Purgatory, but he’s now stuck in Keller, in prison.
• Resolution 2 – Julia dies, but she helps Sara solve crimes from the after life.
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Brian’s 4 Act Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is… I pretty much stayed true to my original structure, and I believe it’s pretty solid. The only thing that worries me is my Protag (Julia) is pretty weak in the first half, but that is her transformational journey, and the side character (Detective Sara) kind of takes over. This could be either of their stories.
• Title: HEAD GAMES
• Genre: Supernatural Thriller
• Concept: A reclusive, young psychic helps a skeptical detective stop a killer targeting psychics, not knowing that the killer is possessed by an evil spirit who is trying to escape the after life.
• Main Conflict: Stop an evil spirit from escaping Purgatory. Catch the killer. Don’t let anyone else die.
Act 1: Making Contact
• Opening 1 – ANTAGONIST – Mystery/Intrigue – KELLER, a loser, drug addict OD’s and appears to die, until SIMON, in a strange place, with some strange equipment, somehow brings him back to life and takes over his body. What? Why? HIDDEN – This is step one of Keller’s plan to escape the afterlife – How? – Long story.
• Opening 2 – PROTAGONIST – JULIA, a recluse, and her domineering MOM. Julia has some kind of psychic powers and Mom doesn’t want her using them (Carrie?). Julia sees a murder? (Under the surface – Mom is a ghost that haunts/visits psychic Julia.)
• Inciting Incident – Julia shares her vision with a TV psychic (STEPHAN). They see a boy being kidnapped and murdered by Keller, or so they think. Julia’s Mom is pissed. Julia knows she did wrong. Why? HIDDEN – Mom knows Simon and knows about the murder. Is she trying to protect Julia or incriminate her?
– Stephan and skeptical, Detective SARA find the dead boy buried in a shallow grave. His head is missing.
• Turning Point 1 – Stephan is murdered by the killer and his head is taken.
Act 2: Should’ve listened to Mom
• New plan – Julia is freaked out. Lay low. Keep powers hidden. Refuse the call.
• Plan in action – Stay away from the cops, but they come to her.
• Midpoint Turning Point – Julia taken into protective custody against her will, plus
• REVEAL – MOM is dead — She has VR and knows Simon!! They both live in the afterlife.
Act 3: Catch the killer
• Rethink everything – Julia is out of her element. Hearing everyone’s thoughts. She wears earbuds and listens to music. What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? The killer is after her. Knows her?
• New plan – Julia comes clean, but nobody believes her. They think she’s crazy. Her Mom has been dead for 10 years.
• Julia proves she’s psychic and see Sara’s son being kidnapped. – old ways challenged. Police procedure – Sara’s training says she should do it by the book.
• New plan – Julia creates a new plan to work with Mom and Sara to catch the killer and save Bryce. With that, they embrace the need to change. What is the plan? Sara tries to get mom to find out who has the kid. Mom won’t give it up. Acts like she doesn’t know anything. Gets caught.
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Julia finds out mom has been deceiving her and helping Simon! Julia is devastated. Lowest of the lows. Everything has failed.
Act 4: Sacrifice
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Julia sacrifices herself to save the kid.
• Resolution – Julia is dead and helping Sara solve crimes from the after life.
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Brian’s Project Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is I need to stop trying to be perfect and just DO THE ASSIGNMENTS!!
A. Genre: Supernatural Thriller
B. Title: Head Game/s
C. High Concept: A reclusive, young psychic is forced to team up with a skeptical detective to stop a serial killer, not knowing that the serial killer is possessed by an evil spirit who needs the psychic’s head to escape the underworld forever.
D. Main Conflict: Find and stop a serial killer who is possessed by an evil spirit trying to escape the underworld and not get killed in the process.
E. Transformational Journey: JULIA goes from a scared recluse to going out in the world and using her powers to catch a killer.
F. Opposition: An evil spirit needs Julia’s head to escape the underworld.
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I, Brian Bays, agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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That’s what I was told as well, but I signed up the day it was announced and am not receiving assignments. Maybe the first to sign up is the last to get them?
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I got an email back from Larie (Customer Support), she said they are not sending out emails for this class, just the website. She says my account looks fine. Obviously not. Glad I’m not alone.
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I’m in the same boat!! I didn’t receive Lesson 3 until Saturday after class. Then I got the BONUS: Analysis for BREAKING BAD yesterday, which was never mentioned.
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Hi Pat, sending now. Thanks!!
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Hi Patricia, I’m ready for Round 3 exchange if you are still interested. I have a Supernatural Thriller.
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Hi Judith, got your outline. I just finished my first exchange so I’ll be updating my outline and will send it over when I’m done.
Thanks,
Brian
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Hey Charles, sounds good. I’ll email you now.