[Brian Jones]

Brian I have learned to create a twist in any situation and add it to my scenes.

Deceived==Sonny finds out that his wife deceived him by telling him by mistake that Jennifer wasn’t his daughter at her funeral.

Surprising Truth==Paul shows up to Jennifer funeral all smiles and says if he couldn’t be in her life then she had to be taken out.

Betrayal==Sonny feels betrayed by his wife Sharon and destroys the house.

Surprising Alliance==Sonny finds himself alone and his back against the wall then finds out he made a friend who has gang alliances.

Attacked== Protected: While Sonny is fighting for his life numerous men and he feels his death is coming to an end. His new friend Hulk comes to his rescue with his gang members to add Sonny in the street fight.

[Brian Jones]

Brian- I learned that writing is fun and many different ways can come from using the 3-Act structure.

A1: Just before Sonny goes to fight in the arena his daughter Journey gives him a pep talk about going down in the 2^nd round. She tries to convince him that it would be easy if he allowed his competitor to tap him out on the ground. She then stresses the importance of their bills at home. Sonny nodes then heads to the fight.

V1: Journey then gets a call from Paul he wants to make sure that Sonny falls. She tells him he will do it for her. Paul then tells her that her cut of the money is in cash in her locker just like she requested. Then he thanks her and tells her he loves her daughter, and she hangs up before saying anything back.

A1: Sonny is fighting a fighter who does more talking than fighting. The big mouth fighter throws punches, but they are not affecting Sonny. In the second round the big mouth fighter during combat tells him to go down like a good dog. And Sonny gets pissed and upper cuts him and sends him to the ground like a tree being cut down. The ref paused before starting the count then realized he have to count out the knocked-out fighter, then raises Sonny’s arm in victory.

A2: Journey never tells Sonny that she set up the fall and got paid off of it. Sonny talks with Paul to smooth things out and comes up with a different plan to help Paul get paid. Sonny asked could he sign 5 athletes for $50,000.

V2- Paul gets off the phone with mob boss who is giving him a stern warning. His numbers is low, and the laundered money coming threw his business is not being cleaned fast enough. Paul hangs up the phone just as Sonny had just made the offer. Paul then makes a better deal with Sonny to sign 10 athletes for $100,000 now. Paul put one of the 5 laundered money bags on the table for Sonny and he takes the deal, and walks out with the money. Paul then texts Journey about the deal and tells her to make sure her dad gets this done. If not he was giving her name over to the mob boss to get dealt with real daughter or not.

[Brian Jones]

Brian

I learned that a list of actions will help me tell my story better, and organize it as well.

A.
Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show up
in this movie?

Martial arts and wrestling can be shown easily in the movie. I don’t want to show any gun firing only fist and kicking. Today kids are quick to shoot, cause that’s what they see on tv. However, I want to go old school. When I was a kid karate movies ruled the screen and that’s what I want to bring back.

B.
Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for
this track? Sonny can be seen talking to an NFL player during or after
practice. And the gridiron being shown around him and the men that are
considered being macho or predators.

C.
How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a
climax in the 3rd Act?

I want Sonny to realize that all of these athletes from different sports working hard at their craft, but then a villain truly has control of them and their actions on the field or the court. Sonny realizes that Paul is the puppet master in all aspects of sports.

2. b:Fight

I will have Sonny show casing his fighting skills of wrestling and karate.

d:Rescue

Sonny being rescued in the end by a basketball player that they seemed to hit off with in the beginning.

f: Competition

Sonny seeing the levels of competitiveness within the NFL, NHL and the NbA.

g:Dangerous Situations

When Sonny changes his mind, and his daughter is taken from his life Sonny realize that his back is against the wall.

[Brian Jones]

Brian Villain: Paul Short. I have learned to put more life into the villain. I use to spend so much time on writing about the hero that I would just skim past who the villain was, and just got right to what the villains did.

A) What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero?

Villain: Paul Short has planned weeks ago to set Sonny up with a contender fight and would allow him to win. So that he would think he is entitled to a championship fight. However, Paul had promised his contender to fall in the fight and that he would give the loser the championship.

B) How many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero?

-Paul Short wants to attack Sonny mentally, emotionally and physically. Paul has dozens of fighters that work for him that he could send to attack Sonny. He also has a Mafia Don in his pocket that has numerous hit men on his payroll.

C) What advantage does the Villain have and how can they exploit that in this movie? Paul is a brilliant man of business, rich and a manipulator. He enjoys planning hateful or dishonest acts like he is playing chess then executing the plays then he accomplishes a win.

D) What would be a fitting end for this Villain where they pay for what they have done? A perfect ending would be Paul being the one getting chased and hunted by the mafia, and the FBI for his money laundry and sport tampering.

[Brian Jones]

Brian: What I learned is that writing is more than a fulltime job. It is a lifestyle.

1. Motivation: Sonny puts his record of 20-0 to the test with a new younger fighter that is climbing the UFC fighting chain. He wins but the boss Paul never gives Sonny a title fight and allows the other fighter a chance to prove himself with a title fight. Sonny blows up and his told no he is not the type of person that follows commands like a good soldier.

2. Inciting Incident: Sonny gets frustrated after overhearing other fighters talking about how the boss muscles other professional sports athletes into signing a contract that gets him 25% of their salary. Sonny decides to make a deal with the devil to help him sign sports players 10 of them for $100,000 and 2 title fights.

3. First Action: Sonny tells the agent that had been with him that he was done extorting the players money. The agent calls Paul and Sonny refuses to take with him over the phone. He says deal with it and hang up the phone.

4. Obstacle: When the boss finds out that Sonny got a concuss, he decides to send a thug over to Sonny’s family house, and one of the thugs kills Sonny teenager daughter to make a point.

5. Escalation: Overwhelming Odds: Sonny comes home to see the aftermath of his daughter being killed. He then gets dressed for combat to fight and kill Paul’s 30 thugs and whatever men that the mafia sends his way also.

6. Overwhelming Odds: Sonny’s wife finds out that it was her husband Sonny who decided to do the unethical things.

7. APPARENT DEFEAT: When Sonny gets cornered after hurting 20 of Paul’s men the mob boss comes into the gym with 50 of his armed men.

8. APPARENT SUCCESS: Sonny finds a friend a professional basketball player that is from Phila but is playing in Cali. He has friends in the bloods, Crips, and ties to a Phila gang that back’s Sonny against Paul and the mafia.

9. FULL OUT ATTACK: Sonny tracks down Paul with new friends to help him get his life back.

10. SUCCESS: With Paul dead and the people who was involved in killing his daughter.

[Brian Jones]

Brian (Hero: Sonny Smith; Villain: Paul Miller)

Concept:

A UFC Professional fighter wants to be a big star. Sonny will not take a paid fall like the boss wants him too. He takes a different approach by making an agreement with his UFC boss Paul to sign well paid sports athletes for his organization. So that Sonny can get big fights. Now he has 30 days to sign 10 athletes for $100,000 and 2 big fights. If Sonny can’t deliver he and his family will be handed over to the Gotti family who Paul work for.

Hero
Morally Right: Sonny is trying to sign athletes so that he can get paid
and fulfill his dream of being a star.
Villain
Morally Wrong: Paul doesn’t like Sonny he’s jealous of him and will lie,
kill and steal to keep Sonny in his shadow.

Hero

A.
Unique Skill Set: Sonny Smith a professional UFC fighter with a wrestling
background and trains as a May Thai Karate.
B.
Motivation: Wants to do the right thing and keep his wife and kids proud
of him, happy and financially rich.
C.
Secret or Wound: Sonny lies to his wife and tells her his boss came to him
with the idea of signing sports athletes. However, it was Sonny who came
up with the idea after hearing a friend at the gym talk about some of Paul’s
other businesses.

Villain

A.
Unbeatable: He works for the Gotti family who is notorious for murdering people,
controlling many business including Paul and his gym and Paul brings well
paid professional athletes into the organization for a 25% fee, and 20%
goes to Gotti family.
B.
Plan/Goal: He knows every step that Sonny takes he s
C.
What they lose if Hero survives: He loses the $100,000 that he gave Sonny,
but also loses his place with the Gotti family cause his numbers are going
down.

Impossible Mission

A.
Puts Hero in Action: When he can’t sign all 10 athletes he tries to run
with his family, but Paul and his men with the help of the Gotti family is
on his trail.
B.
Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: He is not just at war with killers that
use their hands, but those killers that prefer to shoot first.
C.
Destroy the Villain: He decides to try and kill Paul when his daughter is
killed by one of his men.

[Brian Jones]

I am Brian Jones and “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM FOR “Writing Killer Action Scripts” CLASS
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That everyone’s work here is copyrighted and they are the sole
owner of that work. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this
group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that
idea.

2. That this program is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun and I will not share,

disclose, present, or deliver the information, design, and writing of this

program to anyone for any reason without written permission from Hal Croasmun.

3. That I will keep the other writers’ ideas and writing confidential
(including Hal’s materials) and will not share this information with
anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner.
I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone
outside this group.

4. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or
have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can
independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or
movie idea.

5. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for
any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted
work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from
marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents,
managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment
industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for Writing Killer Action Scripts.

[Brian Jones]

Hi everyone I am Brian. I am new to writing at this level, but have been writing for a long time. I have started writing 4 stories, but haven’t finished them yet. I hope this class inspires me to finish 1 or more of them. Many of my story ideas come from my wild and crazy dreams that I have out of the blue.

[Brian Jones]

Brian’s Concept & Conventions:

Concept: A UFC that was trained to fight in the arena, but now has to fight for his and his family to survive from a scum crime boss.

Hero: Conor Smith is a good UFC fighter who can’t get the big fights because he refuse to take dives, but since a boy fighting was the only thing he was good at besides being a jokester.

Demand: When Conor can’t keep up on his bills his wife has to go back to work after just having 3^rd kid, and the pressure of bills on his mind. He then tries to take a dive for a big pay day, but the mob boss decides to send Conor to shake down professional athletes that is not connected to any mob members.

Antagonist: New Jersey mob boss that is connected to the Luciano family is after him and his family. Some of the athletes street friends that he tried to shake down is after him also.

Escalation: When Conor meets many of these athletes and gets a change of heart, but the mob boss gives him 30 days to convince 10 athletes or he’s dead.