Camilla Erlandsdotter
Forum Replies Created
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Hi Rita,
I added some thoughts to your 2nd version. It’s more about the story I think. Chunk out what doesn’t work.
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What I learned: I feel there’s some how a hole in the way of working pitching a TV series. I feel I need to say something about season 1 and the series – but it doesn’t seem to fit anywhere.
Dear X,
I’m Camilla Erlandsdotter and I’ve placed in TV pilot contests. I’m finishing a 1 hour serialised gangster drama called RED.
Is there life for a god-fearing Jewish gangster?
It’s 1920 and New York. Samuel is hopeful and fearful. Together with his blood brother from reform school and World War 1, he’s going to Coney Island on a double date with an astonishing woman. Only one problem – to get the clams to treat the girls, they robbed the speakeasy of a blood thirsty local gang lord, who now is out for revenge! Just when things are going their way, the gang lord and his corrupt police henchmen crash the romantic dinner! Samuel is badly beaten, abandoned by his blood brother and arrested on a fake charge.
Has it ended before it started?
If you’re happy with the concept, happy to share the pilot script. It’s Peaky Blinders meets Madmen.
Apart from placing in US based TV pilot contests, I wrote my Law School graduation paper (cum laude) on the Italian gangster Lucky Luciano.
Best Regards,
[Name and contact]
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What I learned: this goes faster when you’ve done the other assignments.
Hi, I’m Camilla Erlandsdotter and I’ve placed in TV pilot contests. I have a 1 hour gangster series based on true stories called RED. It’s Peaky Blinders meets Madmen in the New York Jewish underworld from the 20s to 60s.
Answers to Questions:
Budget Estimate
Budget range per episode: USD 5 to 10 million.
Actors/ Actresses for the leads
For Samuel – the male lead: Amit Rahav (Unorthodox) and for Anna – the female lead: Anya Taylor-Joy (Queen’s Gambit). Cameo roles could attract A-names such as Robert de Niro, Leonardo DiCaprio or Steve Buscemi.
The Pilot
Samuel and Jacob, two Jewish blood brothers who grew up in a New York reform school and served in the first US Tank Brigade, robs the wrong speakeasy! Now they have a blood thirty local gang lord and his two corrupt police henchmen after them.
Ignorant of the danger, they go to Coney Island on a double date. Samuel is infatuated by the astonishing Anna but feels helpless. Aching, he watches his buddy bond with Anna’s friend, but when Samuel is at his most vulnerable, Anna opens up to him. It’s like a knife stuck in his heart, but he’s happy beyond belief.
The boys are set up for a romantic dinner with the girls in a Coney Island restaurant when the local gangf lord and his henchmen crash the party!
How does it end?
The male lead – Samuel – gets arrested!
Credibility.
I wrote my Law School graduation paper (cum laude) on the Italian gangster Lucky Luciano. Through detailed research, I’m able to grasp the essence of the period in an engaging way.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by Camilla Erlandsdotter.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
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What I learned today: once you have your list of 10 things – it’s easier to play around and tailor make the letters.
Title: Red
Format/Genre: 1 hour serialized TV drama/ gangster
Can there be true love for a god-fearing Jewish gangster?
Samuel is hopeful and fearful. Together with his blood brother, he’s going to Coney Island on a double date with an astonishing woman who’s swept him off his feet.
Only one problem – to get the clams to treat the girls, they robbed the speakeasy of a blood thirsty local gang lord, who’s out for revenge!
Just when things are going Samuel’s way, the gang lord and his corrupt police henchmen crash the romantic dinner!
Samuel is badly beaten, abandoned by Jacob and arrested on a fake charge.
How can he win back his true love?
Request: If you’re happy with the concept, happy to share the pilot script.
Bio: Apart from placing in TV pilot contests, Camilla wrote her Law School graduation paper (cum laude) on the Italian gangster Lucky Luciano.
Contact Information:
Camilla Erlandsdotter
Email: XX
Mobile: XX
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What did I learn: to pick the most interesting stuff – for the reader! You don’t need to pick it all. Hence, pending on the audience you might want to focus on different things.
Title: Red
By: Camilla Erlandsdotter
Format/Genre: 1 hour serialized TV/ gangster.
Pilot.
You make it back to New York alive with the vivid nightmares of World War I and a criminal record in your baggage. What are your options?
Samuel and Jacob, two Jewish blood brothers who grew up in a New York reform school and served in the first US Tank Brigade, robs the wrong speakeasy! Now they have a blood thirty local gang lord and his corrupt police henchmen after them!
Ignorant of the danger, Samuel and Jacob go to Coney Island on a double date.
Samuel is infatuated by the astonishing Anna but feels helpless. Aching, he watches his buddy flirt with Anna’s friend. Anna is so cold, but when Samuel is at his most vulnerable, she opens up to him and they kiss!
Is there true love for him after all?
The boys are set up for a romantic dinner with the girls in an Italian restaurant when the local crime boss and his henchmen crash the party!
Samuel’s future is crushed.
He’s abandoned by Jacob, badly beaten then arrested on a fake charge. Will he ever see Anna again?
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High Concept/Elevator pitch
What did I learn: I find this very difficult.
High Concept:
Is there true love for a gangster?
Samples – Elevator pitch:
1. Finishing up my unique gangster series – like Mad Men in the New York Jewish underworld of the 20s to 60s.
2. Doing the final touches on a series that asks the question: What if committing crimes was the only way to stay alive?
3. Finishing up my unique Jewish gangster series – with the first US tank battalion in World War I as back drop.
4. Just finishing the true story about a little guy’s fight to stay alive, find love and a small piece of the American dream in a world full of antisemitism, rivalling gangsters, racist social reformers and police brutality.
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What I’ve learned.
There’s twists and interesting things in each A-plot, B-plot and C-plot. Here, I focussed on the love story (B-plot in pilot).
10 most interesting things:
Unique protagonist(s):
Samuel: The broken man. Full of contradictions. He’s a hitman and deeply religious – so won’t
kill on Sabbath. He’s quiet and withdrawn and shows his emotions, but also a cold blooded killer that instills fear in his victims. A family man, that leaves a family and friends dinner
“to go for a walk”.Anna (his love interest): turns from the quiet, obedient daughter who ignores her own emotions and ambitions into a rebel with a voice.
From the Pilot:
Turning Points:
Samuel and his blood brother and partner in crime – Jacob – robs the worn speakeasy. Now they have a blood thirty local gang lord after them.
Samuel
and Anna fall in love.Emotional Dilemma: Both Anna and Samuel knows this love cannot be.
Major twists: Just as the double date is going great – the protagonist, Nathan, disrupts it and Samuel is in deadly peril.
Reversals: The obedient Anna hears her father is arranging her wedding with a stranger and decides to go out on a double date with Samuel – who she initially turned down – and lie to her parents about it.
Character betrayal: Jacob
abandons Samuel when he only has money to bribe the dirty coppers for himself.Other things:
· Authentic description of battle – from inside of a World War I tank!
· A Needle Union representative is chased by company guards in the Garment factory when she’s calling for a strike.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by Camilla Erlandsdotter.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by Camilla Erlandsdotter.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
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Re-posting.
1. Gangster; Red; What if breaking the law was the only way to realise your dreams?
2. A gangster TV series that focus on Jewish gangsters for the first time, against a first time World War I back-drop: the first US light tank brigade. Real life inspired. A compelling love story (broken man) through which the audience can connect and invest emotionally in the characters. Women who dare break with conventions to experience freedom, but pay a dear price. A historical piece with relevant themes to today’s audience – war, antisemitism, discrimination and injustice.
3. This would be a big budget pilot (estimate 5-10mln) so looking for production companies that have previously produced historical gangster film/series with larger budgets (e.g. Boardwalk Empire). There are many production companies associated with names such as Terrence Winter, Martin Scorsese and David Simon or actors such as Robert de Niro, Steve Buscemi and Mark Wahlberg. However, they do not accept unsolicited material! A search at “secondary level”: people who have worked with “the A gangster team” and now have indie production companies active in the same or similar genres (action, crime, thriller) reveal that some accept unsolicited material. The same goes for some of the “secondary level” managers who get credited along with A names. They post their contacts on IMBdPro.
Series could also be (re)written as a podcast – like the old Radio play from the 30s-50s.
MBdPro
is difficult to search in! Many production companies do not accept unsolicited
material. -
1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?
I’d focus on the marketability of the project. Show some numbers on reference shows. Talk about actors and directors (and investors) who might be interested in this unique/first/complex character/ project. Given I’m a baby-writer I doubt the producer will consider collaborating with me moving forward – but I’m always open to join the journey is some junior role.
2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?
I guess that I’m (or rather will become) a brand as a writer – somebody who always does sellable stuff in a particular genre. Who’s got a reputation in that genre. However, as I’m new I do not have that. I’d use the script (given the high budget) as a spec script for writing assignments. This also means I should preferably have something equally good in the same genre as well. I do have something similar. I’ve got some placements in tournaments for my scripts. I’ve done some trainings. I could also discuss skill-sets that I’ve used in my “day-jobs” such as flexibility, keeping dead-lines, open to constructive notes that makes the script more sellable, cost awareness, planning- and, collaboration skills and working with demanding bosses. The project will also be important – to demonstrate the above.
3. Answer the question “What I learned today is…?”
Different approach to same material/facts. Actually – shape the pitch on an individual level. Reading some of my fellow classmate’s input I realise this is probably my weakest spot. When I talk about my project I get all excited — but not when I talk about myself as a writer.
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Camilla’s marketable content.
This is for a TV series – 5 season potential.
Log-line: After surviving the hell of World War I, two Jewish blood brothers navigate a New York full of racial divide and hatred of the migrant Jewish community, dangerously testing the local crime boss, corrupt law enforcers, forbidden love and their faith.
A. Unique. Not sure about this – but here’re my
notes: First time a TV series devoted to Jewish gangsters, showing them as
they were – and at a young age (lead characters are between 17 and 23 in
pilot). The story focus previously unexplored aspects of crime in the 20s
and 30s such as labour racketeering, the ceremonial wine exemption to
Prohibition, prostitution, heroin peddling, alcohol smuggling involving
the French speaking, poor minority in upstate New York State and US “alcohol tourism” became a source of
income and irritation in Canada. The life of the mothers, wives and daughters working
in the garment industry will also be depicted. Like Mad Men, it will also follow the characters reactions to changes in US society throughout the 20th Century – 20s, 30s, 40s and, 50s, 60s, 70s etc.B. Great Title: Not Sure – while Red does refer to the
themes: love, blood and the socialists active in unions in the 20s and 30s
and witch hunt for lefties in the 40s and 50s, it’s also the nick-name of
the lead protagonist.C. True story: I’ve done much research on
the world, the plot and the characters. All is based on combinations of documentary
stories in the public domain. I’ve pulled from New York Times articles from
the 10s, 20s and 30s, published research (contemporary and from the
period), published books (including biographies). Most of the characters
existed in this world and did in real life what they do in the story. In
the gangster world, there’s also lots of published lore, which I’ve tried
to avoid.D. Timely — connected to some major trend
or event: it is an
historical piece but its themes are relevant today: crime wave, antisemitism,
mass immigration, police brutality, graft, discrimination, injustice, the
death penalty, polarisation, poor working conditions, powerless women, unions
and a deep financial crisis. Prohibition – “the Great Experiment” is a
sample of how young, powerless immigrants that do not share the moral code
of white Presbyterians reacts to moral codes imposed through federal and
state laws that also opens doors to enormous riches.E. It’s a first: The World War I backdrop has been
depicted before, but not the first US tank battalion where our
protagonists serve. The first women only Police Precinct
in New York – focussing on missing persons, child delinquents and prostitution
will also be depicted in the series.F. Ultimate. N/A
G. Wide audience appeal: action,
romance, the little guy against Goliath. Teenagers of today experiencing
the struggles and wild things their great grand parents did when young
(and didn’t tell them about). Family traumas. The old generation will
remember and middle aged people will find supporting characters (parents) struggling
with the same problems then they do now.I. Similarity to a box-office success: Boardwalk
Empire, Peaky Blinders, Sopranos, the Godfather, Once Upon a Time in
America, Goodfellas, the Departed, Black Mass, Casino. For the link to changes is society with the Mad Men.J. A great role for a bankable actor: In gangster
stories that also focus in the relationships gangsters have – like the
Sopranos – you find some of the most complex and multi-dimensional
characters in TV. In Red, the lead is a devoted Jew with a family and two
daughters and also a hitman for hire, a labour racketeer, a rumrunner and he
runs a company that posts fraudulent bonds. The female lead has been
brought up strictly and conservatively, marries a man she knows is a
criminal and becomes actively involved in the union’s fight for better
working conditions. The family will struggle with the shame and taboo
around mental illness and parenthood. There will be deep inner conflicts
and “gun-at-your head” high stakes! Young, up-and-coming actors who seeks
to play challenging and complex characters grippling with challenging
themes that a modern audience can relate to may be interested. Potential
actors/actresses: Anya Taylor-Joy and Zendaya and Timothee Chalamet, Nicolas
Hoult or Jonathan Groff. There are also interesting supporting roles for
seasoned actors. The mothers of the female lead and the protagonist are
formidable, complex characters!H. Adapted from a popular book. N/A.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by Camilla Erlandsdotter.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by Camilla Erlandsdotter.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by Camilla Erlandsdotter.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by
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Hi everyone,
My name is Camilla Erlandsdotter
I’ve got three scripts to my name.
I hope to get repped.
Something special? I “collect” “things” – married once, two citizenships, lived and worked in four different countries, four university degrees (plan to start a fifth in September on AI and big data). A lawyer turned techie. A laugh a lot but don’t write comedies.
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Prison break
Role in the show:
-Michael – gets himself sent to prison to break out his older brother – Lincoln – on death row
-Lincoln – hit-man who is framed by the CIA for the murder of the vice president’s brother
-Veronica – their attorney and Lincoln’s ex-girl friend
Unique Purpose/ Expertise:
Michael – construction engineer: – has the blueprint of the prison tattooed on his body and a plan
Lincoln – hit-man for hire: street smart
Veronica – defense attorney: collating and analyzing evidence – building a defense case
Intrigue/secrets behind the surface:
Michael – planning a break-out liberating some rea, nasty criminals while being the perfect, non-violent prisoner.
Lincoln – many other crimes on his name – just not this one
Veronica – does not love her fiance but goes along with marriage plans, still loves Lincoln but dumped him
Moral Issue/ crossing of boundaries:
Michael – turns criminal and within the prison walls turns to violence in order to realize the break-out
Lincoln – a religious man – despite his violent life of crime
Veronica – loses her trust in the justice system and must now “turn to the other side” to clear Lincoln’s name and expose the real criminals
Unpredictable:
Michael – full of intrigues and set-ups to test his cell-mates reliability; uses violence unpredictably; seeks unexpected alliances
Lincoln – a religious man – despite his violent life of crime – impulsive
Veronica – starts to help Lincoln – despite the clear evidence
Empathetic: why do we care?
Michael – Michael suffers immensely, physically, emotionally, financially, in order to break out his brother
Lincoln – he might be a criminal – but he lives by a code and this time – he’s innocent. He’s been a great big brother to Michael – despite his criminal path. Tries to be a good dad.
Veronica – wants to put the real criminals to justice – even if they are government people
My Show
Selling characters – Amanda and Anna
Journey
From penniless refugees (from the law) to wealthy moon-shiners and supporters of jazz
Role in the show:
– Amanda (35), wise, hardworking, the silent type, responsible, determination, a-sexual. Head of the family (A-female) after the death of their parents. Believer in the American dream.
Anna (28) a singer talent, talkative, curious, passionate, impulsive.
Unique Purpose/ Expertise:
-Amanda knows how to make great moon-shine aquavit out of raw potatoes.
-Anna knows the way into the houses of (rivaling and ally) gangsters via their wives, girlfriends and mistresses.
Intrigue/secrets behind the surface:
-Amanda bumped Anna’s abusive husband off. She has a child she had to hand over for foster care as she wasn’t married at the time.
-Anna helps hide the body, forbidden love
Moral Issue/ crossing of boundaries:
-Amanda ventures into organised crime – that’s something different than an act of passion to protect a loved one from harm – which is Ok according to her version of the Bible.
-Anna becomes an accomplice.
-Amanda can be very violent without any warning (poker-face) – bumps off Anna’s abusive husband with an ax, suddenly, from behind, not saying a word. The ax she used to get some firewood to set coffee for the guest – him.
Anna – Puts everything at risk (also Amanda’s venture and Bertil’s double life) for her cause – fight against discrimination.
Empathetic: why do we care?
-Amanda – her wounds go deep – and she keeps them a secret. She’s determined not to be a burden to anybody and struggles on – despite the odds.
-Anna’s love for jazz makes the discrimination evident – she picks up the fight as an activist and pays a heavy price.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Camilla Erlandsdotter.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Camilla Erlandsdotter.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by
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Three circles of character
Camilla Erlandsdotter
What I learned doing this assignment is…
While main characters soon “pop into your head” the connected circle is more difficult to nail and give something to do on screen. It’s very easy to use clichés (the doctor, the lawyer, the priest). These characters should be interesting too and their stakes should raise as well. More and more people in this category are presented as we go deeper into the story.
Prison Break
Main Character Circle
Michael, Lincoln and Veronica
Connected Circle
Michael’s cell-mate – Sucer, John Abruzzi, Pope, Dr. Tuncredi, D.B. Cooper (with cat), Lincoln’s son – LJ – and his mother, Veronica’s boyfriend, Fibonacci.
Environment Circle
Prisoners and guards, CIA guys, judges, prosecutors, mob guys.
My Show
Water of life
Chicago – in the late 20ies. Prohibition.
Story: three siblings in trouble with the law flee their home country Sweden to join their uncle in Chicago. When they arrive, they discover their uncle has lied to the family about his American dream. It’s more of a night mare. They will be destitute, unless they can make money on a very special skill – excellent moonshine aquavit (water of life) made out of raw potatoes, spiced with local herbs.
Main Character Circle
Anna (35), wise, hardworking, the silent type, responsible, determination, a-sexual. Head of the family (A-female) after the death of their parents. Works in the post-office
Dreams of the US – where she can make “the big buck”!
Amanda (30) a singer talent, talkative, curious, passionate, impulsive. Works in a cafe.
Bertil (17) their gay little brother, spoiled, sensitive, charming, an expert liar. Works for a barber.
The family house (Amanda lives there with Bertil) is in the middle of the forest. Built by their father.
Connected Circle
In Sweden, Anna is married to Arvid – the local policeman (30), a handsome, jealous control freak and alcoholic. It is not a happy marriage. Arvid does not want Anna to work – in particularly not in the café. He’s a control freak. When he’s drunk he beats her.
They’ve got an uncle in Chicago – Henning (55), that keep boosting about how well he’s doing but he’s barely making ends needs working in a factory in Chicago.
In Chicago – Anna will need to connect with a mobster – to start making and distributing her aquavit (water of life). Anna will meet up with jazz musicians and club owners (that needs to pay bribes)
A love interest for Bertil – maybe a journalist writing about the mob.
Their parents (flash-backs)
Environment circle
-Chicago (as a city)
-The nature around the city (as an entity)
-Mobsters
-Dirty and straight policemen
-Neighbors
-Musicians
-Night club and speakeasy visitors
-customers
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Camilla Erlandsdotter.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by
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High level analysis – Prison Break
What did I learn?
Don’t waste any screen-time. Every second should go towards the plot(s) and, world and character building.
1. Big Picture Hooks
Ask this: What is the big hook of this show? A brother allows himself to be jailed in order to try break out his brother on death row with execution imminent from prison.
2. Amazing and Intriguing Character
Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?
Main characters: Lincoln and Michael. Lincoln is on death row but is he’s innocent. He was framed – by the CIA. Michael is willing to sacrifice everything in order to break his brother free because he believes his brother is innocent. There are tow women in Lincolns life, the one he loves and the one he got pregnant as teenager.
3. Empathy / Distress
Ask this: What situation causes us to feel both empathy and distress for this character?
Lincoln is on death row but he’s innocent. He has tried everything to prove his innocence but has failed. Time is ticking. He will die leaving a son who needs a father figure in his life behind. If Michael cannot beak out of prison before the execution his brother will be executed. If they are caught after the break out, his brother will be executed and he will face a long jail period because of the prison break.
4. Layers / Open Loops
Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?
Will the prison break succeed? Who will be helpers and who will betray them? If they succeed, will they survive the manhunt? Will Lincoln manage to clear his name and will Lincoln and Michael be able to start up a new life in a country without an extradition treaty with the US? Will the CIA “strike again” and hurt people near and dear to Lincoln and/or Michael (such as Lincoln’s son) to get them to turn themselves in? Will those who set up Lincoln be caught and punished? Will Lincoln finally get together with the love of his life or will she marry her current fiance?
5. Inviting Obsession
Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?
I find this question difficult to answer. The pilot did not trigger the obsession with me – like Dexter did for example. But I didn’t switch to another show either.
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Hi Hal all,
You’re asking a lawyer… I’ll refrain from going into legalease.. (this is not legal advice by the way — as I’m not practicing in the US).
I’m happy to follow these requirements, with the exception that information that’s lawfully in the public domain is out of scope. I would also recommend that we all agree to keep things confidential after the course for 2 years.
Regards,
Camilla Erlandsdotter
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Hi there and greetings from Amsterdam,
My name is Camilla Erlandsdotter. I’ve got one script to my name (a TV pilot). I’m looking to pick up more know-how on structure as well as the commercial side of being a writer. I’m quite a brainy person with four university degrees to my name (three of them in law). And no – I do not like the court room drama very much — since I stopped working at a Court, I haven’t set my foot inside one. That’s the good thing with doing business law.
Regards,
Camilla Erlandsdotter
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Hi Rita,
It’s always fab with a Romcom! I feel we have too few of those!
Just some brief thoughts on the story structure. This does not (all necessarily) need to come in the pitch. Just some thought on the story structure. Chunk out what doesn’t work.
What’s the protagonist’s love life like on the faculty at the onset? Non-existing? Tired of Tinder? She’s being overlooked? Secretly in love with somebody – but doesn’t dare to ask? She’s given up? Love is existentially pointless? What’s her flaw? Good at lying?
FYI – there is a couple who actually do research and lecture at University on the subject of LOVE. Maybe an idea as backstory for the protagonist?
It would be great so see some kind of change in the protagonist as the romance progresses.
It may also be fun if there was a sidekick close to her (mother/sister/co-worker?) continuously telling her it’s no point to try at a relationship (too ugly, too brainy, too boring, too demanding whatever) – or passive agressive talking about themselves but referring to her.
What’s the relationship with the dean? She’s up to get a permanent job this year in front of the Board? He’s a nice person? Supportive of her research of (overt or covert) finds it pointless and a waste of University funds?
She could maybe get into trouble with the Board for not reporting her (fake) “extra job” – leading a community program on top of her day job? Somebody at the University starts investigating the “fake” job?
And I assume that the dean has called a regular company (Tom’s) to get the work done – so would be displeased paying for a bunch of amateurs (or the opposite – he’s very much supportive of community programs)? You will need set-up his personality in Act 1 – so his reaction here is no surprise to the viewer.
Why doesn’t she just cancel the job at the dean’s – to avoid the problem?
I don’t believe you can really “get fired” – if you own the company – but it can go bust – and you can become personally liable for the debt (pending on the legal form of the company).
All of the above could maybe be reasons to raise the stakes? She can’t cancel the job because– When she reports her community activity, she’s informed she must stop with it or lose her position— etc.
What kind of person is her love interest? Why does she fall in love with him and he in her? Where to they meet? Who takes the first step?
There seems to be a lot of differences between them (entrepreneur construction and an intellectual lecturer at a University). What’s the common ground? What’s the spark that attracts her to him? What’s her goal and his? He dates all his female sub-contractors?
Is she just out for a one-night stand with a good looking guy or a relationship/ family/ kids? Her look on love and relationships will need to be set-up in Act 1.
She’s asking for his private number or work phone? Work-phone numbers tend to be easily available now-a-days and it wouldn’t be strange to ask for it – in a commercial setting.
How does it end? She’s caught in her own lies and down at the bottom — but then her love shows up and declares his emotions? He’s always going to be there for her, whatever and just the way she is, with all her faults? There can always be a twist that somebody who’s secretly in love with her – which she hasn’t noticed – steps up to help her when she discovers that Tom’s love is not what she needed.
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Hi Vic,
Don’t know if you knew this but this guy in the Netherlands who already fathered 500+ children via sperm donations to various official clinics and via various social media and who wants to be part of the life of his children recently got a court order (he was sued by one of the mothers) to stop donating – as this could cause pain and suffering for his children. He’s appealing the judgement.
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Hi Rita,
Thanks for reading my draft — and providing notes. I’m struggling with the first hook (the most difficult). This has a bit to do with choices. Pitching pilot, season 1 or whole series. The reference to Madmen relates to the series – we follow the characters from the 20s to 60s and their struggles with a changing world. I feel this is important but do not know how to place this.
What’s your thoughts on this?
The other struggle I have is which plot to emphasise – the struggle against the local ganglord and corrupt police – or the love story and how it builds through a lifetime across the seasons. Which plot line would make you emotionally engaged in the characters?
Thanks for flagging confusing wording.
Will give it another try! 🙂