[Ali Jordan]

I ask myself a lot as I write, “is this realistic, would this happen”? But the fact is that we are writing movies. It doesn’t always need to be realistic. I don’t believe a hardend marine colonel would be coerced into blurting out a confession when he is instructed by the judge that he doesn’t need to answer the question. This man has made tough decisions in his life and if anyone can control their emotions, it would be him in that situation. Same with the Yuma clip. I mean Crowe just guns down the entire gang? I haven’t seen that movie but I don’t buy it.

The truth is, I don’t need to buy it. It’s a movie and I have to remember that.

[Ali Jordan]

It has tension, build up and a huge pay off at the end. What I like about it too, is that you get a brief run down of events that happened prior so it’s almost like you only have to watch this scene to get the entire movie. The two characters are strong and you can really see both sides of the argument. Stakes are high for both as they battle it out. Jessups arrogance is also his downfall as Kaffee pins him into a corner and he just blurts out a confession. It’s little hard to believe that he doesn’t need to answer the question but does anyway. Would a hardend marine colonel really let his emotions get the best of him in that situation? I honestly think not. Especially to a “holier than thou” young lawyer. The scene works great to finish off the movie but I don’t consider it very realistic.

[Ali Jordan]

I learned that turning points always need to have a revelation attached to them. Like her hypnosis is permanent. The Logan scene reveals that there may be cracks in their control and the third was that the girl friend was working him the entire time.

In bridesmaids she revealed how she really felt about her best friends relationship with Helen. The audience knew it but not the bride.

I took a look at some of my turning points and noticed that they all came with a pretty good reveal. They could be stronger so that’s what I worked on.

[Ali Jordan]

I watched all four scenes. In the Get Out scenes the turning points are all no going back. Once he’s hypnotized, that’s it. They got him. When Logan breaks through, he can’t unsee that and neither can the audience. Obviously when he realizes he’s not getting the keys and the family outs themselves that they are going to kidnap him and worse, they can’t just back track and apologize. They need to complete whatever it is they have planned for him or they’re done for.

This bridemaids scene had me on the floor when I watched it for the first time. Especially the young girl who thinks her self destructive, jealous outburst is “awesome”. I love this turning point but I don’t see it as a no going back situation. I mean she made quite a mess of things but an honest apology would put the relationship back on track.

[Ali Jordan]

What I learned is that if you edit your inciting incident then your entire screenplay needs to be updated as well. I actually simplified my inciting incident but I think it packs a bigger punch now. Problem is, tying everything else together to fit the new scene without forcing it.

[Ali Jordan]

This scene is great. Everyone about to vote thinks this is a slam dunk case. They’re all ready to get on with their lives until one guy feels more discussion is warrented. His vote of not guilty throws a monkey wrench into everyone’s plans and the drama begins. That’s the inciting incident in my mind. Temper’s flair and ego’s are tested and it gets much worse. (I ended up watching the whole movie) The conflict is so simple yet brilliant as twelve men are locked in a room leaving the writer ample opportunity for back story and clashing personalities. And what’s at stake? The life of a young man.

[Ali Jordan]

I’m not seeing a scene posted to watch. Can someone help?

[Ali Jordan]

I got it. I had to open an incognito window to view. Prompted me to watch the whole movie. hahaha.

[Ali Jordan]

What I learned through analizing that scene is that how you structure your scene and sequense events are important choices. Instead of jumping straight to the bank take over, we’re tickled with some back story, stunts and revealing dialouge. Then boom, the heist and all the backstabbing and mayhem that ensues. I realized that some of my BIG scenes needed a deeper “warm up” for lack of a better term and not just the beginnings of the scripts. So I’ll be revisiting some of those too.

[Ali Jordan]

I agree.

[Ali Jordan]

Hey everyone,

My name is Ali Jordan and I have been writing my entire life. Short stories, songs, poems and such but just started screenwriting a year and a half ago. I love it. I love movies and always have ideas to make them better IMO. I started writing screenplays though because I don’t see a lot out there that I want to watch so, I am writing what I want to see. I have “finished” five scripts in this time but constantly am busy rewriting them and working on my sixth. I hope to be able to develop some more depth in my scenes and characters alike. Some of the free classes have been helpful so hoping this paid one will be really helpful. I also play drums and sing in a local punk band here in LA.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Ali Jordan.

[Ali Jordan]

Hello all!

First this scene opens up with men in clown masks in the middle of a high rise zip line. Broad daylight but we are all aware of Gotham City. Gets the adrenaline pumping right away. Another group of masked men pick up a lone wolf on a corner and the dialouge reveals that the job was planned by the Joker and that no one knows him. Who’s that lone wolf? Intrigue sets in. The three burst into the bank while the two zip liners take care of the alarm from the roof. More Joker discussion adding to the mystery. As soon as alarm is disarmed, one clown shoots the other. Surprise, this gang has secrets! They get the safe open and the shooter clown from the roof gets shot in the back by his “partner”. Saw that one coming. They reveal that they were told to kill each other by the boss. This Joker character and his shrinking gang are ruthless! The bank manager pulls a shotgun and starts shooting with dialouge that tells us this is a mob bank. Adding to the conflict. He throws around a few threats until he gets shot. Two clowns remain and there’s a pile of duffle bags filled with cash. One clown complains that they need a bigger car and pulls a gun on the other ready to save himself. But surprise; he gets hit by a bus that backs into the front door. The clown bus driver helps load the money and gets shot without a second thought by the last clown. The lone wolf. The bank manager rambles on about the lack of honor in thieves these days causing the last clown to pull his mask off and show us the Joker finally. He claps back and jumps in the bus to get away. How do you bring a guy with no conscious, no loyalty but an obvious criminal mastermind to justice? Got to keep watching. High octane enertainment with life and death situations.