cara star
Forum Replies Created
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Carolina Starin
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi, I’m Cara.
I’ve written 3 features and 1 pilot.
I have a couple of ideas and thought it would be interesting to have a system for exploring and executing them. I’ve taken several classes here and they have added depth to the process.
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Cara Star
I agree to the terms of this release form.
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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How mismatched are these two? These two are night and day. Donald is well-spoken, ornate, mild-mannered, wealthy, traveled, and superior. Tony is thuggish, touchy, crude, and combative. They share that they are both instinctive, neat in appearance, detailed, and likely both have “seen trouble.”
What do they have to get over to be able to work together and become friends? Tony is going to have to be more respectful, careful in his speech, gracious, helpful, and committed. Donald is going to have to respect professional boundaries, trust a white guy to have his back, and have faith that Tony can do the unforeseen aspects of the job at hand.
Knowing that Tony gets the job, how does this mismatch create a future for both characters? We know both characters are going to have to grow and trust. We know they are going to get put in some situations where it will be challenging for them to understand and value each other. It’s likely that Tony is going to have to take a hard look at his ideas about race… be that Asian or other.
What drama is this scene built around? A wealthy and talented black man going to the Deep South where he is likely to face various racist situations… and him needing a driving and logistics person… who in this case happens to be white… or what chosen because he’s white, but has to experience with the mob (difficult situations).
What profile items (right characters, traits, secret wound, future) showed up in the characters’ words and actions? We feel these two will have a complex future and that Donald has a secret wound… Tony may also have a secret wound – since he worked for the mob and did “public relations,” but it’s hard to tell how affected he was.
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What tension comes from putting these two worthy opponents face-to-face? Their backgrounds make them instant enemies. Everyone has a gun. They are in a bar with drinking and gambling where anything could go wrong — especially with a bunch of tough guys on looking. They are both uber tough guys. You have the law vs. the outlaw. You’re not sure who’s in charge of keeping things calm… seemingly, no one, since the Kurt Russell character is “retired.”
What does Doc discover about Johnny’s character in their first meeting? He knows he disregards the law, he knows he is a “fast” shooter and has “the deadliest pistol” can do some fancy gun tricks. He learns that something about him reminds him of himself… and that he is educated… because he speaks Latin… as Doc does. They are indeed equal adversaries…
How do the two characters stand out from the others? They stand out as the most confrontational and least likely to back down from a fight. We know that they also have similar educations (good ones) and that they are quick-handed.
What drama is this scene built around? Gambling with people who are drinking and have no respect for the law and that people don’t like people from the law. And everyone is carrying a gun… seems to be there is only one guy that isn’t interested in a fight.
What profile (right character, traits, secret wound, future) showed up in these two characters’ words and actions? We feel there may be a secret wound in Doc when he says that the character reminds him of himself… and then tells his girlfriend immediately afterward that he hates him. They have similar traits with speaking Latin, doing tricks, and likely Johnny also feels he is in his prime.
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How is this power struggle created? We know that the black coach has just taken over a recently combined team and the white coaches, players, and parents are not The white coaches are simply being restrained and polite, but they are not happy about the situation and are skeptical of his abilities — or maybe jealous, or stubborn about old ways. We know right away that Denzel’s character won’t back down.
What is it about these characters that demand this power struggle? Entrenched racism and segregation in the south. Arrogant white coaches and players. Rejection of black coaches and players. Parents that also agree with the white coaches and players. Denzel’s character also has class and organization – two great things for coaches and leaders — he asks the two white players to “clean up.”
How does each character’s audience influence and depend upon this power struggle? The white coaches, families, and players are all going to back each other and it’s likely that black players might come out strong, but back off when presented with the threat of retaliation or exclusion. But, we feel that Denzel is on a mission to lead the team no matter what — he’s going to be “Daddy” and those old notions from players’ “Mama’s” are not going to stand up.
What drama is this scene built around? It seems they are getting on buses to go to their first non-segregated game and that they will now all be playing together.
How are they expressing their Profile (right character, traits, secret wound, future) through their words and actions? Denzel’s character is the right character in that he’s eager to change the dynamics of segregation on the team and he’s the bold leader to do it – he’s willing to call out anyone who questions him with direct humor and he’s not afraid of asserting his dominance. He likely has a wound of being overlooked as a coach because he’s black, and you can feel that his future is going to be difficult with these players and coaches, but that he will directly confront any disobedience.
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What causes you to believe that these two belong together? Both people seem to be “spirited” and they are both touchy and need someone who understands them. They both stand out as troubled fighters. No one really wants to hang out with either of them, but they both desperately need connection and understanding.
Notice any similar emotions, words, and actions? Both pugilists. Both take on the world without much effort to connect.
What drama is this scene built around? People have little faith or expectation of both the horse and the troublesome jockey. The owner needs to find someone that can ride the horse but is having a hard time. We get the sense that the horse and the jockey might be a perfect match… although things could certainly go wrong.
What profile items showed up in these two characters’ words and actions? Neighing, kicking, biting, nervous, sensitive… swearing, punching, picking fights, nervous, touchy.
What I learned rewriting my scene is more about the characters that are NOT right for each other… and that the characters need to understand this to move on.
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What causes you to believe that these two belong together? You know that he needs someone to make things beautiful and she seems like a sweet lady. They are both being cute, mellow and seemingly nice people. Sam has a warm sense of humor, but we know that he’s “under a cloud.”
Notice any similar emotions, words, and actions? They have very similar reactions to Marcia. They have the same calm and sensitive faces. We really don’t learn much about her… except that she’s the type of woman who listens to these types of shows on the radio and is likely also longing for love.
What drama is this scene built around? It’s Christmas and both adults are without partners. Sam has lost his wife, who makes the holidays special, and to make it worse, his son not only misses her but is worried about his dad not sleeping.
What I learned rewriting my scene is more about the characters that are NOT right for each other… and that the characters need to understand this to move on.
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What causes both characters to reveal their wounds? Skylar wants to make a bigger commitment by inviting Will to CA. But Will doubts her ability to know what she wants and becomes defensive, then aggressive, calling her out as a trust fund baby who is “slumming” with him. She reacts by revealing her wound of having her father die… and missing him. She pushes him further about his life story… and he explodes with the truth that he’s an orphan from an abusive background… then she tries to cling to him to “help him” which he doesn’t want (believe?). He feels it’s impossible to be loved, likely by anyone, and especially by her.
How are those wounds motivating their emotions, actions, and reactions? Will is over-reacting to everything she says and Skylar is playing the savior.
How is each character threatening the other’s wounds? Will threatens Skylar’s wound by being distant, noncommittal to future plans, and unattainable. Skylar threatens Will’s wounds by being an upper-class girl that might not approve of the “real” him and by wanting to get closer to him when he has a history of self-protection.
What drama is this scene built around? Will seems afraid of the word “love.” A deeper commitment that involves a move cross-country, leaving a job and friends. He’d have to put all his “eggs in one basket” which he feels is very threatening. He also is worried about her and her family accepting him and his backstory.
What traits showed up in these characters’ words or actions? Will shows how aggressive he can be and also that he hasn’t been honest about his background. And that Will doesn’t like to be pitied… all while Skylar desperately wants him to be closer so she pushes him by admitting she loves him.
What I learned from rewriting my scene is that each character has to show how they are clearly driven by a wound… not just the protagonist.
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Junah: Enjoys hitting balls, but says he’s not a golfer, resistant to his present moment, lost his swing, is likely embarrassed about his golfing since he’s golfing in the dark/alone, with even a little bit of help from Bagger he is able to connect to the ball,
Bagger Vance: feel he’s been traveling some time — has tired feet, he’s appreciative, knowledgable about golf both the fundamental of the swing and the philosophy behind it, polite with some philosophical ideas, traveling in the area, a caddy with a “cheap” offer, tricky with words, friendly and fun-loving — likes to dance.
Without having seen the rest of the film, they are good roles because Junah has lost his swing and desperately needs a caddy — particularly one that is open-hearted and gentle — and Bagger Vance is offering exactly those services.
We’re not sure who Bagger Vance is… he walks in from the dark with a suitcase, but seems to know a lot about Junah… seems he may have been a fan of his from a previous game. We know that there will be a competition and that there are big stakes at hand… and that Junah is at least secretly trying to gauge if he’ll be competitive… if he’s ready to compete. We know that Bagger isn’t in it for the money… but not sure why he’s in it. He’s an unusual character and all we know about him is that he knows about golf, life, and a previous golf game of Junah’s.
Junah is a kind person. He offers Bagger food and then offers him to hit a ball… he’s slightly impatient with the intrusion but honest about what other caddies would get for the winning prize. You feel that these two would make a good pair. Bagger makes several comments to appreciating life — about the stars and the night. You can tell that Bagger is generous, as is Junah. Bagger seems to know some of Junah’s secrets.
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Sarah Connor’s Future: She’ll be a legend and Mom of the Future, fighter and some kind of warrior, difficult days ahead, will go into hiding, can’t balance a checkbook, and doesn’t want any part of this.
Kyle Reese’s Future: He’s a man from the future and part of a group of warriors/survivors, a volunteer-type, nocturnal, has to battle and outsmart “Terminators,” he’ll die for John Connor.
Sarah is immediately transformed into a mother, a warrior, a leader and a very important person with an important son, who will face major obstacles for which she must prepare… BUT that the future is not set in stone.
Built-in Drama: Car is out of gas and they are either stranded or hiding, or both. It’s dark and cold and they are unprepared, Kyle travels through time and it’s painful, Kyle is shot and Sarah has to wrap her first wound and she’s queasy about it… but she learns she’ll be a mother and that the father will die before the war. She gets a message from her unborn son, who is the leader in outsmarting the “infiltrators.”
Character Traits: Sarah feels wholly unprepared for this “future” she is hearing about… thinks she might be the wrong person.
Kyle: Is a volunteer who feels curiosity about Sarah and respect for John Connor.
What I learned rewriting my scene was that you can add a lot more into each scene to build bigger characters… and that you can put them in situations that show their individual traits… as well as some of their future.
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Will: Extremely well-read but thoughtful about those reads, anti-establishment/academia, not the first to put himself out there — willing to watch and strategize his entry, values originality, feels Harvard is overrated, tough guy that is willing to use his fists to solve problems.
Skylar: gentle student, quick, hit on often by guys, not impressed by academic arrogance.
Chuckie: less educated, doesn’t know what he doesn’t know, friendly and a bro-dude, shameless.
The writers trigger these characteristics by putting a group of local Boston boys at a Harvard bar where they will immediately stand out as local Boston boys. It should be noted that Will is not the one to engage the girls, he waits to show his intellect until he has to come to his friend’s rescue, which also shows what a good friend he is to his buddies. Being at a Harvard bar gives Will the chance to come face-to-face with a Harvard grad student with an inflated academic ego, where he immediately takes him down. We are shown that Will has extensive reading and most likely a photographic memory — because he can even remember full passages of books and what page they were on. It shows you that although Will hangs out with his local Boston friends, he can very easily fit into the Harvard crowd — at least with intellect — but that he likely values something other than a regurgitated education — his originality. It also allows him to show that he and his friends are not intimidated to fight — and that likely a Harvard student would not accept a physical battle. Will wins both intellectually and physically.
The group might have picked the Harvard bar because they want to pick up smart, rich girls. Or maybe because they know that Will can hold his own there. Maybe they just want to see how they can do with Harvard girls.
What I learned in rewriting my scene is that I can move characters around a little to help use each other and a situation to highlight their wounds.
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Hi, I’m Cara.
I’ve written 3 scripts.
I’d like to shape richer characters on the page.
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I agree to the terms of the release form. Cara
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Cara’s Marketing Campaign
What I learned in this assignment is that I’m grateful to the class for helping me know how to casually talk about my project to others — including how to talk to myself about it. I was encouraged to find that I had hooks and marketable components. It’s been a big confidence boost.
I’m going to stick with Strategy #1. I’m going to take what I have learned in this class and use it to rewrite my script. It seems like if I get Strategy #1 down, all the other pieces will be a lot easier.
I may follow with a respected international screenwriting contest and see how I do.
I’d love to hear how you all do with your query letters – or other strategies!! Best of luck! I hope we find a way to stay in touch!
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Cara’s Query Letter – Draft TWO
What I learned in this assignment is that people give great suggestions! I also decided I will add a bio as to not come off as a hermit that only reads poetry, or worse, as a fan of celebrity tattoos. I still need more time to find the right answers to all the suggestions, particularly those about the ending hook. In most of the comments, people wanted more depth or explanation. I tried to address the comments but was also struggling to leave “white space” on the page. Thank you to all who commented! This is still a work-in-progress.
**I apologize if I didn’t reply to your query. All three of my little kids got sick mid-week and I’m still working remotely.
Title: Imitation of a Poet
Written by Cara
Genre: Drama/True Story (Public Domain)
Obsession nearly killed the fragile poet, Rilke. Letting go made him legendary.
Mourning a lost daughter, Rilke’s mother dressed him as a girl to perform his poetry in local shows. Now a young man struggling with his identity, he has finally found both mad love and a muse in the married seductress, Lou Andreas-Salomé. But after the couple has several encounters with her distinguished intellectual circles in Russia, she realizes that his poetry is mediocre and abruptly ends the affair.
Heartbroken, he embarks on a lifelong mission to write poetry worthy of her love and respect!
Instead, he finds nothing but closed professional doors. Finding welcome only at a student’s art commune in Germany, he quickly marries a young sculptress. Still in love with Andreas-Salomé, he uses his new wife’s connections to procure an assignment to write a monograph on the revolutionary sculptor, Auguste Rodin, and leaves his new family for Paris.
Rilke quickly becomes enchanted with Rodin and attempts to emulate his artistic philosophies in his own work. As his poetry and connections improve, he is finally able to rekindle his affair with Andreas-Salomé. But, Rilke begins to realize that Rodin has a way of burning those closest to him… and that soon includes Rilke.
After a final visit from Andreas-Salome, Rilke must come to terms with the realities of his artistic dependencies. As his health deteriorates, there’s only one choice – abandon his obsessive relationships.
(Ending Hook TBD) Alone in Italy, Rilke is at last able to write his inspired poetry that is truly inspiring.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
BIO: I’m a broadcast news writer and journalist with over a decade of experience. I’ve produced work for CNN, The Wall Street Journal, KCRW (SoCal NPR), The Moscow Times, Medium, and others. [Added for international producers] I have an MA in International Relations from Columbia University and lived in Russia for seven years a few doors from Andreas-Salome’s childhood residence.
Contact Info
**For the ending hook, I can either stick to his true story of “voices of angels” helping him to write his most acclaimed poetry, or deviate from the truth to find a storyline easier to grasp. The script is currently true to his life and ends with his mentorship of a new lover’s son – the painter, Balthus – both the new lover and her son are obsessed with HIM. He never stopped loving Andreas-Salomé – from afar. And they remained “together-ish” via correspondence his entire life, which was short.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by cara star.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by
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Cara’s Query Letter – Draft ONE
What I learned in this assignment is… waiting to give and receive feedback. Please let me know if there’s anything you find interesting about Rilke, Rodin, or poetry in general. Is there anything that would “hook” you? I’m looking forward to suggestions!
Title: Imitation of a Poet
Written by Cara
Genre: Drama/Historical/True Story (Public Domain)If good poetry requires love. And excellent poetry requires heartbreak. What does famous poetry require?
For a fragile poet struggling with his identity, Rilke has finally found both profound love and a muse in the famous seductress, Lou Andreas-Salomé… but after he is unable to hold up in her distinguished intellectual circles, he is abandoned by his married lover who finds his poetry uninspired. With that, he embarks on a mission to mend his broken heart and write the kind of poetry worthy of her attention.
His solution for inspiration? Befriend the self-serving sculptor, Auguste Rodin – a revolutionary talent known for burning those closest to him.
In the midst of Paris’ burgeoning modern art movement, Rilke becomes enchanted with Rodin only to find that his own work and relationships suffer more than ever. As Rilke comes to terms with the realities of his friends’ artistic personalities, he discovers that whatever inspiration he had has run out.
As his health and work deteriorate, there’s only one choice – abandon his obsessive relationships.
Only then will he find his poetic fame.
** Rilke remains one of the most popular of all best-selling poets. His work is so influential that it’s even tattooed on Lady Gaga.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Cara Star
SB, CA
1-917-xxx-xxxx
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Cara’s Target Market
What I learned from this assignment is that there are a lot more people making historical dramas and art-personality films than I thought.
1.)
Movies: Frida, La Vie En Rose, Girl with a Pearl Earring, Pollack, Shakespeare in Love, A Star in Born, The Notebook
Actors: Ryan Gosling, Rami Malek, Michelle Williams, Lady Gaga, Marion Cotillard, Javier Bardem, Bradley Cooper, Ed Harris…
2.)
Frida
Julie Taymor
Selma Hayek
Alfred Molina
Mark Amin
Lindsay Flickinger
Brian Gibson
Mark Gill
Sarah Green
Nancy Hardin
Jill Sobel Messick
Margaret Rose Perenchio
Jay Polstein
Ann Ruark
Amy Slotnick
Roberto Sneider
Lizz Speed
La Vie En Rose
Olivier Dahan
Marion Cotillard
Alain Goldman
Timothy Burrill
Axel Decis
Marc Jenny
Oldrich Mach
Catherine Morisse
Marc Vade
Girl with a Pearl Earring
Peter Webber
Colin Firth
Scarlett Johansson
Joep Bannenberg
Bob Bellion
Peter Block
Anna Campeau
Jason Constantine
Jimmy de Brabant
Nick Drake
Philip Erdoes
Matthew T. Gannon
Rebby Gregg
Francois Ivernel
Daria Jovicic
Cameron McCracken
Tom Ortenberg
Andy Patterson
Duncan Reid
Anand Tucker
Shakespeare in Love
John Madden
Gwyneth Paltrow
Joseph Fiennes
Pollack
Ed Harris
Marcia Gay Harden
Joseph Allen
Heiner Bastian
Fred Berner
Petet Brant
Jon Kilik
Cecilia Kate Roque
Candy Trabuco
James Francis Trezza
The English Patient
Anthony Minghella
Juliet Binoche
Chocolat
Lasse Hallstrom
Judi Dench
A Star is Born
Bradley Cooper
Lady Gaga
Basil Iwanyk
Sue Kroll
Niija Kuykendall
Ravi Mehta
Heather Parry
Michael Rapino
Bobby Wilhelm
Lynette Howell Taylor
Robert J. Dohrmann
Bill Gerber
Weston Middleton
Jon Peters
Todd Phillips
The Queen
Stephen Frears
Helen Mirren
The Notebook
Nick Cassavetes
Ryan Gosling
Rachel McAdams
Toby Emmerich
Lynn Harris
Mark Johnson
Avram Butch Kaplan
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Cara’s Phone Pitch
What I learned from this lesson is that I need to find a way to make the life of a poet immediately interesting. Targeting production companies who have made similar movies will likely be the most helpful. But, I’d still like to find a way to make this concept as easy to understand and as likable as a comedy pitch even if I’m not pitching those kinds of companies.. Goal: Make poetry entertaining and mainstream even for companies that produce this genre. Also, I would like to tailor the first part of the pitch to each production company.
Hi, I’m Cara. Did you know that Lady Gaga has a poem tattooed on her arm? It’s by Rainer Rilke. I have a true story drama about Rilke’s quest for poetic recognition following his heartbreaking rejection from a married seductress and his subsequent professional relationship with the revolutionary sculptor, Auguste Rodin.
It’s a mid-budget historical drama that might interest emotionally intelligent actors like Ryan Gosling, Lady Gaga, Michelle Williams, or Javier Bardem.
The script is 108 pages.
I know you are interested in international films because you’ve made…
Setup: After many failed attempts to find equal footing with his accomplished artistic friends, Rilke finally finds himself living in the epicenter of Paris’ modern art movement with his former boss, Auguste Rodin, only to finally realize that Rodin’s revolutionary artistic talents come at a price, especially to those closest to him. After an intimate visit from his married lover doesn’t help him produce the profound poetry he hopes to write, he realizes there’s nothing left of his health, or hopes for professional success.
Payoff: When Rilke leaves his elite artistic circles, he is, at last, alone and prolific. Rilke dies one of the most popular of all best-selling poets but no longer cares.
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Cara’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned is that I’m still looking for the best title to represent the story. And, I only have periphery film credibility for this project. It seems I should just confidently skip the credibility part and try to focus on delivering the best pitch possible. Also, the hook could be better – more urgent.
PITCH
Hi, I’m Cara. Today I have a drama called Imitation of a Poet. (Pause)
If good poetry requires love. And excellent poetry requires heartbreak. What does famous poetry require? (Pause)
It’s the true story of poet Rainer Rilke’s complex friendship with the prolific sculptor, Auguste Rodin, as he searches for poetic inspiration following his breakup with married intellectual, Lou Andreas-Salomé.
Any questions?
It’s a mid-budget film with emotionally intelligent characters that would suit actors like Ryan Gosling, Lady Gaga, Michelle Williams, Marion Cotillard, and Javier Bardem.
Act 1: Rainer Rilke, who is struggling with his identity after a childhood of being dressed like a girl by his mother who was mourning his lost sister, is abandoned by his love and muse, the married intellectual, Lou Andreas-Salomé, a known seductress who finds his work mediocre. Heartbroken, he vows to write poetry worthy of her recognition. Now rootless, he finds himself at a student artist’s colony where he quickly marries a student sculptor who introduces him to Auguste Rodin.
Act 2: Invited by Rodin, Rilke leaves his new wife and baby to go to Paris in search of inspiration for his poetic work — the kind that will win him favor with his lost love, Andreas-Salomé, who has re-entered his life as a concerned, but distant lover. Rodin gives the young poet an uncustomary welcome and Rilke is enchanted by his revolutionary talent. Rilke soon becomes Rodin’s personal secretary where he plays witness to Rodin’s selfish behaviors. After a small miscommunication, Rilke is fired. Heartbroken, again.
Act 3: Rilke, set adrift in the midst of Paris’ burgeoning modern art movement, reconnects with Rodin by introducing him to the modern art enclave at the Hotel Biron, where Rilke has found a studio through his estranged wife. Rodin immediately rents two studios – one for himself and one for his young lover, Camille Claudel. With Rodin nearby and Andreas-Salomé finally encouraging his progress as a poet of repute, Rilke oddly finds that his own work and relationships suffer more than ever.
Payoff: Rilke discovers that whatever inspiration he had has run out. As his health deteriorates, there’s only one choice – abandon his obsessive relationships. Only then can he find his poetic fame.
Any questions?
Credibility – ?
I feel anything I might use for credibility might look like a coverup and be distracting as it’s not relevant enough. I’d rather leave it with the script.
If pushed, I might add…
I’m a television, radio, and print news writer, reporter, and producer with over a decade of experience.
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Cara’s Query Letter
What I learned in this assignment is that regardless of my career as a writer, it’s not necessarily the kind of writing that would interest the film industry. I’m glad I learned this because I would likely have started with the bio before this class, which would have initially turned off potential readers. I like keeping everything clean and to the point!
Title: Imitation of a Poet
Written by Cara
Genre: Drama/True Story (Public Domain)If good poetry requires love. And excellent poetry requires heartbreak. What does famous poetry require?
For a fragile poet struggling with his identity, Rilke has finally found both profound love and a muse in the famous seductress, Lou Andreas-Salomé… but after he is unable to hold up in her distinguished intellectual circles, he is abandoned by his married lover who finds his poetry uninspired. With that, he embarks on a mission to mend his broken heart and write the kind of poetry worthy of her attention.
His solution for inspiration? Befriend the self-serving sculptor, Auguste Rodin – a revolutionary talent known for burning those closest to him.
In the midst of Paris’ burgeoning modern art movement, Rilke becomes enchanted with Rodin only to find that his own work and relationships suffer more than ever. As Rilke comes to terms with the realities of his friends’ artistic personalities, he discovers that whatever inspiration he had has run out.
As his health deteriorates, there’s only one choice – abandon his obsessive relationships.
Only then will he find his poetic fame.
** Rilke remains one of the most popular of all best-selling poets. His work is so influential that it’s even tattooed on Lady Gaga.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Cara Star
SB, CA
1-917-xxx-xxxx
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Cara’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s better to loosen my idea of what a synopsis is… it’s better to let it be “catchy” and not too story descriptive. My story topic can come across as heavy, so I need to find ways of making the whole thing more digestible and alluring.
Title: Imitation of a Poet
Written by Cara
Genre: Drama/True Story (Public Domain)
If good poetry requires love. And excellent poetry requires heartbreak. What does famous poetry require?
For a fragile poet struggling with his identity, Rilke has finally found both true love and his muse in the seductive, intellectual-powerhouse, Lou Andreas-Salomé… but instead of a flourishing career writing love poems, he is abandoned by his married lover who finds his poetry uninspired. With that, he embarks on a mission to mend his broken heart and write the kind of poetry worthy of her.
His solution for inspiration? Befriend the self-serving, artistic genius, Auguste Rodin. A man known for burning those closest to him.
In the midst of Paris’ elite artistic circles, Rilke becomes obsessed with Rodin only to find that his work and relationships suffer more than ever. As Rilke comes to terms with the destructive realities of his friends’ artistic personalities, he discovers that whatever inspiration he had has completely run out.
As his health dangerously deteriorates, there’s only one choice – abandon his obsessive relationships.
Only then will he find his poetic fame.
** Rilke remains one of the most popular of all best-selling poets. His work is so influential that it’s even tattooed on Lady Gaga.
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Cara’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is that it is essential that I “nail” this assignment to get my script read – and for it to be liked by those who read it. And, that having a narrower understanding of what’s interesting removes some clutter and improves my story.
1.)
A dying poet disappointed by his famous friends must turn to angels for inspiration.
A rootless poet loses himself in his friendships with famous artistic thinkers only to find true inspiration in the spirits of solitude.
2.)
Dilemma: If being loved required artistic fame, where would you look to find it?
If your famous friends don’t inspire you, who will?
Main Conflict: If you can’t find poetic inspiration in the highest circles of art, you must then seek the heavens.
What’s at stake?: A dying poet must fulfill his artistic ambitions to gain the attention of his true love.
Goal/Unique opposition: After his famous connections fail him, a dying poet must search the heavens for inspiration.
3.) Using the 10 components, what’s your elevator pitch?
I’m working on the true story of a dying, unfulfilled poet who must leave his famous friends and turn to the heavens for artistic inspiration.
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Cara’s 10 Most Interesting Things
What I learned doing this assignment is that this process is extremely helpful in allowing me to see new angles for a sharper story in my rewrite and better talking points for a pitch.
1.)
A. What is most unique about your villain and hero? An ambitious poet with mediocre work.
B. Major hook of opening scene: Rilke’s mother dresses young Rilke as a girl.
Rilke’s true love is a married, famous seductress.
C. Tuning points: Rilke, and his work, are rejected by the woman he desperately loves.
Rilke befriends a famous sculptor to be mentored by him only to become his lowly secretary.
Rilke gives up his obsessive relationships to nurture his individual needs.
D. Emotional dilemma: Rilke is desperate for identity. Can he find it through love and friendship?
E. Reveal: Rilke finds fame through solitude, not relationships.
F. Reversals: Rilke is only validated through relationships, disappointed by Andreas-Salome and Rodin.
G. Character betrayals: Rilke’s mother dresses him like a girl.
Rilke has found his true love, but she’s a seductress and married.
Rilke marries his rebound love interest, despite Andres-Salomé’s warnings.
Rilke’s new wife connects him with Rodin, and he leaves her for a life in Paris.
Rilke is Rodin’s loyal confidant, but Rodin fires him after a minor miscommunication.
Rilke continues to artistically adore Rodin, Rodin behaves like a “sellout.”
Rodin nurtures the artistic genius of his young lover and abandons her when she succeeds.
Andreas-Salomé continues her affair with Rilke but never leaves her husband.
Rodin marries his lifelong live-in, but only two weeks before his death.
Rilke remains married to his wife his whole life, despite not seeing her for decades.
H. Surprise: Rilke searches his entire life for his poetic voice, finds it once he stops searching.
Rilke dies one of the most famous poets in the world, doesn’t care.
2.)
Rodin allowed his true love and artistic equal to be unfairly locked in a mental institute until her death.
The married Andreas-Salomé supposedly seduced almost all the men with whom she time – including Freud and Nietzsche.
Rodin and Rilke both lived at a famous “hotel” and shared space with Matisse, Camille Claudel, Rousseau, Isadora Duncan.
The “hotel” was pivotal in the modern movement of art and all the powerful artists at the “hotel” were invulnerably weak.
3.)
1. An ambitious poet with mediocre work.
2. Rilke’s mother dresses young Rilke as a girl, mourning his lost sister.
3. Rilke’s true love is a married, famous seductress.
4. Rilke is desperate for identity, can he find artistic recognition through his personal relationships?
5. Rilke befriends a famous sculptor only to become his lowly secretary.
6. Rodin nurtures the artistic genius of his young lover and abandons her when she succeeds.
7. Rilke is Rodin’s loyal confidant, but Rodin fires him after a minor miscommunication.
8. Rodin allows his true love and artistic equal to be unfairly locked in a mental institute until her death.
9. Rilke searches his entire life for his poetic voice, finds it once he stops searching.
10. Rilke dies one of the most famous poets the world has known, he doesn’t care.
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Cara’s Producer/Manager
1.) Producer Pitch:
Title: Rilke & Rodin or Imitation of a Poet
Logline: A heartbroken poet must leave his most inspiring relationships to find his true genius before his time runs out.
Synopsis: After a romantic rejection from renowned intellectual Lou Andreas-Salomé, heartbroken poet Rainer Rilke relentlessly pursues personal and professional validation from his former lover by befriending the famous sculptor, Auguste Rodin. Rodin, embroiled in his own love affairs, teaches Rilke his source of artistic inspiration, but when time begins to run out for Rilke this imbalanced friendship is broken and the poet discovers that his own fame can only come from an inner voice found in solitude.
Based on a true story in the public domain.
Rilke remains one of the most popular of all best-selling poets. His artistic influence continues to inspire pop culture icons, artists, and famous writers – even Lady Gaga has a Rilke quote tattooed on her inner arm. Rilke has also been quoted by other filmmakers including in Woody Allen’s “Another Woman” and Robin Williams’ “Awakenings.”
The story is similar to the box-office successes:
– Shakespeare in Love
– Dead Poets Society
– Il Postino
– Dr. Zhivago
** The script has gone through two rounds of edits by a top Hollywood story editor.
2.) Manager Pitch:
Title: Rilke & Rodin or Imitation of a Poet
Genre: Drama
Logline: A heartbroken poet must leave his most inspiring relationships to find his true genius before his time runs out.
Synopsis: After a romantic rejection from renowned intellectual Lou Andreas-Salomé, poet Rainer Rilke relentlessly pursues personal and professional validation from his former lover by befriending the famous sculptor, Auguste Rodin. Rodin, embroiled in his own love affairs, teaches Rilke his source of artistic inspiration, but when time begins to run out for Rilke this imbalanced friendship is broken and the poet discovers that his own fame can only come from an inner voice found in solitude.
** The script has gone through two rounds of edits by a top Hollywood story editor.
About Me:
– My primary goal is to have my work find its greatest possible success and I look forward to working with you to elevate my storytelling and make my scripts work for the budget, cast, and widest audience.
– As a writer, I have worked on successful television and radio show teams that included talent, editors, producers, and other writers.
– All of my professional writing is performed on deadline.
– I’d someday like a career similar to Aaron Sorkin.
– I have two other pitches ready if you’re interested in seeing more of my work.
3.) What I learned today is that I want to embrace the needs of the person with whom I am meeting and that it will benefit my work to be the best possible collaborator. Additionally, I feel that I am getting ahead of myself since I am still working on nailing the first assignment.
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Cara’s Marketable Components
What I learned from this assignment is that I need to define a logline with a hook (still refining). That will help drive my overall story structure and make my script more relatable and urgent. Then, I can identify the most marketable components of my script and use them to make the pitch more attractive.
Logline: A heartbroken poet must leave his most inspiring relationships to find his true genius before his time runs out.
G.) Wide audience appeal. Rilke Rainer Rilke remains one of the most popular of all best-selling poets and his artistic influence continues to inspire pop culture icons, artists, and famous writers.
– Lady Gaga has a Rilke poem tattooed on her inner arm.
– Artist Cy Twombly is currently showing a piece at The Broad in downtown LA with a painted quote from Rilke.
– Rilke is quoted in Woody Allen’s “Another Woman.”
– A Rilke poem is used in Robin Williams’ “Awakenings.”
I.) Similarity to a box-office success.
– Shakespeare in Love
– Dead Poets Society
– Il Postino
– Dr. Zhivago
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by cara star.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by cara star.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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Title: “Rilke & Rodin” or “Imitation of a Poet”
Genre: Drama
Concept: A historical biopic based on the true story of Rainer Rilke’s problematic friendship with Auguste Rodin following Rilke’s romantic split with Lou Andreas-Salomé.
2.) In relentless pursuit of validation from a former lover, an insecure poet befriends a famous artist who teaches him his source of artistic inspiration. But, it isn’t until this imbalanced friendship is broken that the poet discovers that his own fame could only come from a voice found in solitude.
3.) I will likely target European, British, or internationally-minded American producers or production companies working in med/high drama budgets – both feature and episodic – and particularly those interested in history and art.
4.) What I learned is that it’s important to think like a producer/agent/manager and to make sure that I am presenting my work as a marketable project to a paying audience. Understanding this will now aid my story structure both initially, and in rewriting. This isn’t an assignment that I can immediately complete with a satisfactory result.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by cara star.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by cara star.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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Hi, I’m Cara. I live in California.
I’ve written three feature spec scripts.
I would like to learn how to best write, and rewrite, for producers in my genre – drama. And, I’d like to better understand how to communicate my project to interested parties.
I tend to like international content.
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Sure. Add me. stylofile@gmail.com 🙂
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Yikes! Even your query is scary! The best part is that the query is meaty with no “fake” scares – Stephen King-ish with its solid storyline (that’s the guy who ruined horror movies for me — no sleep afterwards).
The credentials are amazing, but if I had to cut, I’d cut a little from there. I think the reader score is impressive and I’d keep the contests, but maybe not the reader comments… Just because you have enough and it’s clear that you’re an excellent writer and you can have confidence that it comes through.
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I have three little kids, so all I watch are kids’ movies. I’m so happy to have a new one to consider!
I had to read “ruthless scientist and extremist” twice to understand that they were one person. Could it maybe be something like this instead?
A ruthless and extreme scientist wants to get his hands on a baby sea dragon.
The only problem… an eleven-year-old boy just escaped with it!
I don’t think you have to say “young” awkward boy… all boys are young and we know he’s 11.
I love that the serum will alter the capacity to feel love. This sounds like a major theme of the movie and I could use just a little more… but maybe that’s the hook I need to request the script. Anyway, wonderful concept.
I’m curious why you deviated from the class format of Title:/Genre:. And why do you state the title twice, and in capitals? Unless you have a specific reason, I’d just stick with the class format. Seems like a producer might want to make sure she’s reading in her genre right from the get-go.
Also, I’d rather know the target audience over the number of pages of the script. Is it for little kids, teens, the whole family? It sounds like a little kids’ movie but you never know with a ruthless, extreme scientist.
Also, why do you offer a one-sheet and not the whole script? If the script isn’t finished, then I understand, but otherwise it seems to lack confidence that the script is amazing and that they NEED to make this movie!
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Great to hear feedback from a producer! I’m sorry that I didn’t see this before posting my second draft… I agree the title could be stronger! I like your examples and they are helpful!
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Thank you! Sorry that I didn’t see this before I posted my second draft, but I’m keeping a log of all these comments and will use it when I rewrite the query again!
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The title is super! And I can easily see all these characters in their comedic dilemmas.
I was confused about the two babies talking. Do they narrate the movie or do we see the film from their perspective or something like that? They are mentioned early in the query but aren’t really revisited. That’s fine, but maybe make the role of their “potty mouths” in the film more clear.
I assume these two families have their own houses, but it’s kind of hard to pull out what’s happening to whom. Maybe you can better divide the paragraphs.
I also wasn’t sure why Sarah would call Michael’s dad to create tension between the couple. Does she want out of the marriage?
Micheal gets a lot more attention in the query, but I’d like to know a little more about David (if they are equal parts) and a little less about Michael.
This story has all the elements for a great film!
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Your title is so clever! I now very clearly see this movie. I can feel the tension and conflict for the main character and your writing credits are solid! I imagine you’ll get lots of requests to read this.
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Best idea ever! But, you totally had me with, “Can an old dog teach you new tricks?” I loved that. I like some elements of this and some elements of your previous drafts. Maybe it was from the pitch…? I think this could read a bit more smoothly and show a little more of the dog’s personality, but I’d want to read this script anyway. Dog movies make tons of money, there aren’t enough family-friendly movies out there, and this is a good idea with lovable characters. If there’s any way to add in a holiday theme, you could really sell this.
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Thank you for your comments! Yes, I’m getting wonderful suggestions on making that first hook — and entire query — better.
HA! Ironically, I’m not much of a poetic soul, but somehow got sucked into the lives of these people. And, I agree with you that this isn’t a film for everyone. My next script will definitely be a contemporary drama. 🙂
I will only target producers making this kind of content, but would certainly like to write a script and query that will go for the biggest audience within the audience.
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Thank you for your thoughtful and intelligent review of my query!
I’ll see if I can work in your Rilke quote as a hook in the query – it’s in the script, but used by Andreas-Salomé, who is likely the originator of the essence of the idea.
My first title was Rilke & Rodin, because Rodin plays a very large part in the story, but so does Andreas-Salomé, so it didn’t seem fair to give it all to Rilke and Rodin. Anyway, I understand your comments on Rodin and will try to make the query clearer on Rodin’s role in Rilke’s life. Rodin was selfishly focused on his art and consequently not always a “nice guy,” but many were enchanted with him as an artist… including Rilke. Rootless, Rilke felt he had a friend in Rodin as someone who saw life as intensely as he did. He thought his “friendship” with Rodin would help him produce better work – Rilke is a bit of a cling-on for most of his life and really only valued the highest of thinkers.
I agree with you on #4… and it’s a big one. As I said in an earlier reply to comments, in the true story, Rilke leaves Paris for Italy and essentially “let’s go” of his dreams of winning back Andreas-Salomé’s love by becoming a poet that she admires. In doing so, according to him, once he is separated from his important relationships (Rodin and Andreas-Salomé) — after a life of struggles — he begins to “hear the voices of angels” that help him write his most influential poetry. This is the real story, according to Rilke. I have thus far been mostly true to Rilke’s real story, but I agree with you about the ending. And I need to find a way to write a good hook into the ending to improve the script and query. I just have to figure out how to do it without my story coming off as a fake — or overly spiritual — ending where “angels” save the day, but also without deviating too far from Rilke’s real-life story.
In short, thank you for getting the ball rolling in the right direction! I admire your writing and appreciate your time. I just need a little more time to digest this work-in-progress.
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This looks like a wild story! I have a 9-year-old and she would not be able to handle this situation. 🙂 Those poor parents!
Is “wide variety of genres” a placeholder statement? If so, I would try a more focused approach. I think people prefer it if they feel you really singled them out as someone who would love the story and want to make it.
You do a great job with your hooks and I love your ending hook. It makes me feel confident the story ends in a satisfying way and isn’t vague.
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This is well-written and engaging. I would feel confident that this script would be worth the read. You did a good job showing the reversals and plot in a succinct, interesting way.
I’m still not a fan of “The” in film titles because it seems they would look “literary” and clunky on a film poster or billboard.
I think this will get a lot of requests.
(**I went to SIPA… GO LIONS! 🙂 )
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Thank you for your thoughts! Yes, I’ve struggled with the end hook. In Rilke’s true story, he separates himself from everyone by moving to Italy, and, according to him, his breakthrough came when he “let go” and then began experiencing “voices of angels” who “wrote” the poetry that brought him acclaim. Because it’s hard for me to understand this experience or what it was, I’ve struggled to figure out how to use it in the script and/or query. It seems a little “deus ex machina,” which I’m worried will look like a cheap story gimmick, but that’s actually what happened. So I either stick with the true story and risk it looking like an obscure spiritual film, or find a new, not-so-true explanation of how he reached the pinnacle of his career. Regardless, I agree with you!
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I’m so flattered you spent time thinking about my story! These both super and capture the nature of the story. I will use them.
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Luckily, Rilke wrote copious letters and I have used a lot of it for the dialogue. In that sense, it’s a true poetry film — and absolutely a love story. But as everyone says, I need more hooks. I so appreciate your new angles. I need to read all these super comments and get working on them to use them to my best advantage. I’ll watch “Somewhere in Time.” I really like my script, it just needs to go up one more level… as you suggest. Thank you!
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Whatever that was is very interesting to me! I’d really like to know what about Rilke will catch people. I agree with everyone that I need more hooks. I wasn’t sure if relying too much on Lady Gaga’s tattoo was almost a form of cheap name-dropping. (I didn’t even know about the tattoo until just recently). Anyway, if you remember, I’d love to use it.
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Thank you so much, Andrea! I’m overwhelmed with all the great advice from everyone! I agree with everything you’re saying need to have more time to digest and properly respond. I would like my script to have a few more elements in it that Shakespeare in Love had – tension between two theaters, a woman dressed as a man so she can act, etc… I’ve stayed pretty close to Rilke’s life so far. I’ll be appreciating all of this as I go forward.
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This sounds like a really sweet and timely story. And, the main character seems lovable.
I prefer the specific query letter format suggested in the class because it seems cleaner and easier to read quickly. This strays a bit from that format by adding a “pitch” line, describing the meaning of the title, using a different setup for the contact information, and not using the word “BIO.” Maybe you could try a version that is closer to the class suggestion and see which one is easier to read?
In the query letter, the story sounds like it would make a great musical. It also comes across to me as more of a “Hairspray” than a “Dead Poet’s Society.”
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I like the setup with the friends and the boss – it comes across as a strong comedic situation.
I’m not sure how many people would know what a “Drop Bear” is even if they had toured Australia, which doesn’t matter except that it makes the title a bit confusing on the first go. Do you have any shorter titles in the running?
I remember in an earlier post you said this was something like a Dumb and Dumber, which instantly made me like it and understand its slightly goofy (in a good way) plot. It could maybe use a bit more clarity on what the BFFs tend to spar about – how do the two characters differ that keeps the story going?
Also, do you have one short sentence hook about how this all ends? I’d like a hint as to how the bromance survives, or if the hoax (real) bears eat them, or what?
Strong bio. You might want to make the last sentence its own paragraph.
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This definitely meets the criteria for a unique concept. And I’m sure producers would be happy to read something they have never seen before.
Cool title.
I’m not sure why you buried the “ingenious plan.” I feel you could use that plan as a hook, instead of hiding it as something vague. And the same goes for the second “stunning plan.”
Overall, a really great letter for a unique concept that fits the genre and all with a solid bio.
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Can you post your query letter? This looks like your pitch.
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This query stands out as a film that is a work-in-progress. And, it’s clear that your hard work and obvious success have eliminated some of the risk a producer would take on as it is already somewhat packaged and presentable.
It sounds like an amazing story and a film I would love to see.
I’d almost just prefer the title: ZINZI. It might not reveal what the movie is about, but neither does “CREATING ZINZI,” so I would just keep it short.
I would stick to the simpler format that the class gave for the query letter. This shows off your writing skill, but I missed some of the hooks, of which you have many.
I’m not sure if I’m interested in your shooting locations or what you’re seeking in a producer at this point (I may be very soon, but that’s for a later discussion). I just want to read the script because it already sounds good.
I like that you have something more to show me than just a script… but I really want to know the easy hooks of your story so I can take a condensed, sellable idea to my busy boss/partners/executives and run it by them.
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The only real feedback I have is that this sounds a little like comedy to someone who hasn’t read the script… something like Ghostbusters. When I hear, “sexually frustrated slacker” I think of a comedy actor. And “gorgeous young submissive girls” also seem more in line with comedy scripts than full-out horror. I’m not sure how the script reads, but you might be able to increase your audience by making this horror AND comedy if that interests you.
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This story is very compelling!
I preferred when you started with the high concept of “The Rocky of Hockey.” That alone would have hooked me. I’m a little less interested in a grocery clerk (unless it’s a Will Ferrell comedy).
It also seems your character is much more than just a grocery clerk! He’s got a lot going on. He really is the Rocky of Hockey.
I don’t think you need to write: “The drama, SAVING GRACE, askes the question.” I would just write the question.
I would also be clearer about the payoff. We can assume he succeeds – as Rocky does – but I wouldn’t leave everything to assumptions.
It seems a producer would feel they can easily sell this movie.
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Hi, Jeff.
Could the title maybe just be: “PAINKILLER” Kind of like how The Facebook became Facebook. Great title.
It seems most scripts need to see a payoff for the main character… maybe not the expected one, but some kind of learning or success in the character’s “journey.” It might be in the script, but maybe you could better hint at it in the last line of the synopsis. If no one comes out the winner, how do I know the characters have grown?
Your bio is super interesting, but maybe a little long and off-point for this exact story. So, maybe that could just be: “I’m a screenwriter whose scripts have placed in X and Y contests.” That’s pretty impressive!
Overall, sounds like a very interesting movie and I’d love to read the script.
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Thank you, Mike.